#p*rsonal post

[lieutenant-sarcastic]

-

When i was young, in times of anxiety i wished for magical solutions. Travel back in time to redo. Spell that makes everyone forget this happened. A magic way to end my life without a single person’s notice or memory. Avoidance. Avoidance. Avoidance.

But now, years older, suddenly faced with the same crippling anxiety of my youth, I don’t want those things. Magical solutions don’t exist, and i don’t Want to dwell on them. I don’t Want to kill myself to get away from this. I don’t Care. I dont CARE! I want Real Solutions! I want to work through this. I want to improve. I want to tackle this problem and solve it for real, for myself. I’m proud of my maturation even in the midst of a shitty situation that not only my, but someone else’s actions have put me in. And the pride almost dampens the hurting a little smidge.

[murasakiirohana]

//Thank you to those that have reached out with support and condolences ( @kyuusou , @tempestflames, @narasnooze , @nuuzumaki , and @hinabae), I’m immensely grateful for your kindness during this time. It means a lot.

I wanted to thank you guys first before writing about these past few weeks so that you don’t have to read any further if you do not wish to. I am simply conveying my emotions under here.

The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult. It’s one thing to lose a loved one, but it hurts even more because of the way we lost her.

Essentially, she made a very tough decision to go in for a procedure a couple weeks ago in hopes of a better quality of life. She had made it through it successfully only to be met with only what could be described as complete negligence by so-called medical professionals. I won’t go into deep detail but it was any family’s worst nightmare. 

Every day since her passing has been a new wave of emotions and I am sure I’m not even done with all of them. These past few days have been less raw. I am feeling okay, but I never know when it will hit again.

I’m blessed with all the years that I got have her. I know not everyone gets to have that. I’m grateful that she is no longer in pain and that she is reunited with her loved ones that she hadn’t seen in a very, very long time. Still, I’ll miss her more than words can convey.

[knot-ilus]

🪢: ^owo^ ...

[bigshoeswamp]

Got anxious about something and forgot what it was minutes after and now i have double anxiety

[junrandot]

BABE MY #3 TOP POST ON THE TUMBLR YEAR IN REVIEW IS THE ONE WHERE YOU SAID YOU THOUGHT THE 4CC PODIUM WAS WORLDS I'M 😭😭

on my way to become a t*mblr p*rsonality

[iateyourwaffles]

Hey, sorry for not being here again in like almost half a year or so. I just haven’t really been much like myself lately, and I think it’s my m/ental health. I’ve been kinda scared to do the things that make me happy lately, due to some stuff that kinda affected me in the past associated to them. Also, I’ve been staying up late due to lack of sleep, and sometimes I would feel so tired throughout the day. My physical health hasn’t been too good either. I mean, the joint issue will always be something I have to deal with, but it has calmed down a bit these last few months, still kinda h/urts though. There’s a certain area around my mouth, like the t/ooth part, that feels like a tight p/ain at times and it h/urts. I went to the d/entist back in early december and they said that they checked that part last time and they didn’t see anything. :/ I go back later on this month, so I think I will probably try and ask them about it then. I’m kinda hoping it’s just the joint issue I have, and it’s mostly affecting that part. I hope it goes away or at least calms down. It’s been like that for a while now, though ever since a bit after I went to get my cleaning back in october. I got my cleaning on hallowe/en.

I got my costume so I got to dress up as my favorite character for fall. I had some spice apple and pu/mpkin doughnuts and my brother and I helped put up decorations for the hallo/ween party we made at home for our younger si/blings. I also got to go shopping with my aunt, and we got to hang out for the day back in november. My aunt recommended me a pe/ppermint bark w/ white c/hocolate coffee,and it was really good. My aunt said that her and I share similar tastes. xD. I also showed her my Tsukasa plushies after she showed me her p/rep nd l/anding plushies. She said they were cute. I also thought her plushies were cute. We went to the store afterwards, and got to eat at the food court they had there, and she recommended me a fruit sundae and it was really good. I like hanging out with my aunt. I feel like she understands me a bit more, and she makes me feel calm and safe. Christmas was a bit better this year, I had a hard time around last year due to pe/rsonal stuff, so that day was a bit sad back then. I had fun this year. I couldn’t hang out with my aunt though on the day before christmas, due to the snow, so that made me a little sad, but my aunt helped cheer me up since she said we can see each other during the spring to go see a play.  : ) I got to see her for a bit after chrsitmas though, we had fun, and we got to go to a resturant, and ordered some chicken and biscuits. She also gave me and others some gifts. She got me a s/ailor moon t shirt and some jeans with some socks. I loved them. The pants are comfortable and the shirt is cute, and the socks are comfy. 

Happy new year, btw. New year is one of my favorite holidays, so I had fun. I had some pork w/ rice and this food with meat and cheese in them. It was like a dough wrapped w/ meat, my favorites are the ones are the ones with ham and cheese. I like them cause you can personalize them. One year, we put apricot in them and they were good. 

So that’s what’s been happening w/ me lately. However, lately these past few weeks, my mental h/ealth has been slowly af/fecting me. As well as some physical problems. (Like dealing with my joint issues and such.) And lately, again, I have been thinking about my gender. I haven’t given it much thought in a long while, but now, I have had it on my mind again since last week. I guess I’m still trying to figure myself out. (I have mentioned this in a much o/lder post before abt my gender.) Also, I might try and see what I can do abt s/chool this year. I’m trying to stay in a more positive l/ight this year, and try and go to s/chool to start working towards my dream. My aunt is usually the one to help me get into s/chool. I’m studying a language this year a bit more though, which is one of the big parts of my dream, so that’s good. 

Oh, and I recently have been on the leader b/oard on a daily p/oint ra/nkings in one of the games I play (s//if) for about almost half a month now, so that’s something that’s pretty cool I guess. I’m usually around the top 100 or top 500 or so. One time during the first half of the r/esult,I made it to top 10. I was kinda proud. x D I went down to top 40 during the second half though, but it’s okay. I haven’t been ti/eiring for a few days due to perso/nal problems and other rl stuff though. I jumped from top 11000 to top 2000, yesterday, so that was kinda cool. And I got to exchange for a card of one of my favorite characters, that I have been wanting since I started the game years ago. I had happy tears when I got her. I set her up as my m/ain l/eader. And I got my favorite limi/ted card in another game I play. It took a long time to get him, but eventually I got him. (He didn’t come h/ome in my 300 pulls, so I had to exc/hange s//park him. )  :’’)

I hope you enjoy your day. Sorry for r/ambling a bit. ^^; 

[tinymoves]

pnc bank arts center 08/05/11 (source)

[hongzhizhu]

On the topic of the 2 previous posts I reblogged. (The social experiment one and the cake decorator comic)

[in2orbit]

hello this is @13.thead /@thee.realcowboy :) this is where i’ll post more p*rsonal things n kind of vision-board i guess? please don’t follow this blog if we are not friends or mutuals. thank u 💙

[colorsandwords]

( H )ello, ( e )veryone. I apo( l )ogize for not ( p )osting very ( m )uch r( e )cently, ( t h )ere are... p( e )rsonal reasons for m( y ) ( a )bsence but I will endeavo( r ) to b( e ) more act( i )ve. I was wo( n )dering if I should post some fanfi( c )s, p( o )etry, or fa( n ) ar( t ) tomo( r )r( o )w? I wou( l )d be happy to post some writing I have saved!

[knot-ilus]

🪢: So, my v long thoughts on A/B/O with Taako/Angus/Magnus (and the different ships within that grouping!)

— angst first jdjdjd —

In general I feel like the whole bonding and mates thing would make the potential drama between Taako/Magnus more potent :3

Their anger towards Lucretia after Story and Song? Imagine that but with the added "oh my gods, you seperated me and my LITERAL MATE of DECADES?" because they had to forget about the IPRE, and with that comes the memory of them ever meeting.

Branching off of that, them dealing with the knowledge that Magnus paired with Julia while they were seperated, and Taako got together with Kravitz. During Story and Song Taako and Mags are suddenly confronted with the knowledge that they'd been mates for the better part of a century, and now there's these conflicting hormones and BONDS and huu O_O ...

That's not even touching on possessiveness towards each other after the fact and jealousy... Potential for longing and cheating and very strained threesomes =w= <- frothing at the mouth tjfnfn

🪢: ^^ !!!!!

[nekosmuse]

I read your commentary on self-diagnosis on that PTSD post and it just reminded me about how many teenagers on this site diagnose themselves with mental illnesses that they're way too young to even have (mainly borderline p*rsonality disorder).

I think there are probably a couple of factors at play. On the one hand, the past decade or so has done a lot to break down the stigma associated with mental illness, which allows more people to seek diagnoses/treatment, and that is a good thing. I also think there’s a correlation (but this is my own supposition) between modern existence and mental illness (aka I think we’re so far removed from how we’re supposed to live (as a species) that it’s doing bad things to us psychologically), so it stands to reason that between this and increased awareness/tolerance you would see an increase in people being diagnosed.

However.

Tumblr romanticises the shit out of mental illness. In part because, as you said, tumblr skews young (and while I could be wrong here, I do believe numerous studies have shown that resistance to peer pressure increased  with age), and this, combined with the social justice side of tumblr’s tendency to aggrandise diversity (i.e. your status being dependent on claiming affiliation with a marginalised group) means that, for a lot of people, the thing that makes them unique (aka diverse–and please note, this is not a personal belief but rather an observation of what I believe is happening on tumblr) often comes down to mental illness.

Combine all of this with a trend in media towards writing mentally ill characters (it’s an easy “character flaw” that provides a wealth of narrative potential) and we’ve created a situation where it is en vogue to have a diagnosed mental illness.

This is of course dangerous for 2 reasons (well, 2 core reasons). The first is that it trivialises those actually struggling with mental illness. And the second is that it is now creeping into mainstream psychology. A good psychologist can tell when a person is presenting symptoms from a checklist they read on tumblr. Unfortunately, for every good psychologist there are 2 bad ones who are more than happy to grant you a diagnoses in exchange for your money.

[pacozeacom]

Grafitean agresivo mensaje en automóvil de una doctora

En México y otras partes del mundo se han perpetrado los ataques hacia el personal médico que luchan como verdaderos héroes contra el Covid-19.

Una ginecóloga difundió un mensaje que le pintaron en las puertas de su vehículo.

Con pintura negra le escribieron “Rata contagiosa” en el costado de su carro, al que también le poncharon dos llantas.

Al principio no me lo podía creer, no…

[shrimpkidnow]

P*rsonal post but. I hate double standards. I hate that if my partner had gone all out on Valentine's day- four presents, love letters, rose petals on the bed, bath and bubbly grape juice with another surprise present in the bathroom, homemade surf and turf dinner - and I had given him a bag of his favorite candy and my undying affection, nobody would have blinked an eye. But because I'm the one who went all out and he did his best (it was his best! He doesn't have a job right now and there's no way I'm making him go back to the car dealership!), people act as if I'm some distressed damsel who isn't being cared for. I love him! I love spoiling people! Leave me alone!

[fairytypegf]

Changed my onion on that last p*rsonal post. Giving someone you care about the benefit of the doubt isn't being foolish its being someone I'm proud to be. If that ends up fcking me over that's more to do with them and not me ✌️.

[knot-ilus]

🪢: so (owo) ...

I had a lot of thoughts ( >w>);;

Hyperspecific blog that'll probably only appeal to me + the others in my skull... Is a GO ghdhdh :'3 !!!

🪢: thinking about... 🧟