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divineluce · 3 years ago

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A Little Less Alone || Nadia & Luce

Timing: June 22nd, 2021

Tagging: @humanmoodring & @divineluce

Location: Luce’s Cabin

Description: Luce succumbs to grief; Nadia’s there to catch her.

TW: Grief, sibling death

Luce stared down at the large piece of paper that sat before her, the side of her hand smeared with graphite. There were just rough outlines, the barest of shapes, but even those… Closing her eyes for a moment, Luce sucked in a deep breath to steady herself. She could feel the candles around her flicker, felt the way their orange flames turned a pale blue for a moment. She had her magic back, just as strong as it had once been. But it hadn’t been enough. It hadn’t been enough to save him.

Pushing away from her desk, Luce waved her hand over the blue flamed candles before walking down the stairs from the loft of her cabin. She could work on that later. She’d get it done, though, she had to. It was the least she could do. But for now… Luce checked her phone and re-read the latest message from Nadia. She didn’t-- she’d asked for the other woman to come here. She had. But even now, she wondered if she’d crossed a line. She knew that they weren’t casual, they weren’t just seeing each other on the side. But, Nadia was an empath and Luce knew that her emotions were so, so far from stable right now. She shouldn’t have done this. Maybe she could just tell Nadia to forget it, to--

A knock came from the cabin door and Luce blinked. Fuck.

It wasn’t a question of if Nadia was going to see Luce. It was a question of when. Whenever Luce decided she was ready, and whenever Luce decided she wanted Nadia around. Grief worked differently for everyone. Some people wanted to be alone for a while. Some people didn’t want to be alone. Some people shoved it down, down as far as it could go, and they saved processing it for a later date. Nadia, admittedly, fell in the latter of those categories, but she was aware of that. This wasn’t about her, anyway, and she had nothing to grieve. This was about Luce, and being there for Luce, and making sure that Luce knew that she was going to be there. That was what was important, and that was something that she could do.

Nadia didn’t really expect Luce to say that she didn’t want to be alone so soon, though. It made something in her chest tighten. There was something in the knowledge that what was happening between them was changing, and it was becoming something to where they were both opening up. Or trying to open up. Nadia needed to be better about opening up. But this wasn’t about her. It wasn’t. She drove to Luce’s cabin as quickly as she could and only hesitated for a moment before she got out and started walking to the door. This was important. Nadia knocked.

Running a hand through the tangles of her hair in an attempt to collect herself, Luce stared at the door. Fuck. Nadia was here. There was no getting out of this, she’d asked her to come here and it was too late to tell her to go. That would only make her worry more. She’d asked Nadia to be here. Nodding to herself in an attempt to steel her nerves, Luce opened the door.

“Hey, Nadia. Thanks for coming.” Luce said, with a vague attempt at a smile. But, it was hard to even do that-- she knew just how much despair and anguish was coming off her. She didn’t want Nadia to feel all of that, but there just wasn’t any way she could hide it. “I’m sorry for asking you to come. I just…” I’ve only ever run from things and I’m trying not to run from you. “Nell’s at our mom’s and I wanted to give her space. And Bea, she and I-- we deal with things differently.” Bea still hadn’t said that Adam was dead. Luce knew why she couldn’t say those words, but it still-- blinking back the tears that were already coming to her eyes, she let out a watery chuckle. “Sorry.” She said, apologizing for the tears and for the emotions that Nadia was no doubt feeling.

Nadia had already steeled herself for the grief that she knew she was going to feel when Luce opened the door. There’s really no preparing for it, though. There’s no preparing for despair, or anguish, or the fact that Luce looked just as shitty as she felt. There was no preparing for the tears in Luce’s eyes, and Nadia’d never really seen that, had she? She’d never seen Luce look so raw. She’d never felt Luce so raw. “Hey,” she murmured. “You don’t have to thank me. You don’t have to be sorry.” There was nothing to apologize for. Absolutely nothing. Nadia was glad that Luce had asked her to come. She shouldn’t be dealing with this alone. No one should be dealing with this alone.

Grief is almost insurmountable, sometimes. But it was better when it was shouldered by more than just one person. If being an empath allowed her to do one thing, then Nadia could at least do that. She couldn’t tell Luce that it was okay because it wasn’t. She could feel how not okay it was. She could see the tears in Luce’s eyes, and she could feel them building up behind her own. But she could say, “You don’t have to be sorry. You don’t. You really don’t. I wanted to come. I want to be here for you.” I knew what I was getting myself into by coming, and I’m not going away. I promise.

Letting Nadia inside, Luce waved her hand at the candles that lined the cabin. Their flames flickered blue for a moment before rising higher, illuminating the space in light. “I’m,” She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts as she sat down on the armrest of the couch. She was too restless to sink into the cushions, but too tired to stand either. Limbo, she’d been stuck in a state of anxious exhaustion for days. “It’s been a long couple weeks. Months. Fuck. What even is time?” Luce said with a sigh as she fidgeted with the frayed edge of her shirt.

“Thanks. I just-- I couldn’t be back at Bea’s place right now. It,” Luce swallowed past the lump that had formed in the back of her throat, “reminds me too much of last time, when Bea was… gone.” She said, unable to say the word aloud. It was easier to write it, to hide behind her phone or the screen of her laptop as she typed those three letters. Saying out loud, it felt harsher, more real. Which was stupid. Dead was dead. And Adam was dead. And he was never coming back.

Eyes glancing at the flames, Nadia couldn’t remember a time that she’d actually seen Luce’s magic in action. It was incredible to know that the fire responded to the woman in front of her, that the flashes of blue that faded into warm, bright orange were caused by a human being with the power of the universe at her fingertips. And that’s what magic was, right? It was amazing. It would have been more so if Luce’s grief wasn’t almost crushing. “Time’s a fictional construct, I’ve heard,” she said, her voice soft. She moved to sit, facing Luce, her eyes on the other woman even if Luce’s eyes were gazing off, seeing things that weren’t there. “Then you don’t have to be there right now,” Nadia added, and it could be that simple. Even amongst all of this pain, things could still be simple. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know you’re hurting, and I’m sorry. You don’t have to be alone, though.” If she could, Nadia would take all of Luce’s grief and shoulder it as her own. She’d like to say that she’d do it for anyone, but especially for Luce. Of course for Luce.

It wasn’t until Nadia sat in front of her did Luce realize she’d been staring out into space. Rubbing a hand across her face, she rested her elbow onto her knees as she tried to pull herself free from the memories. But she could still see it. Nell, draped over Adam’s lifeless body, her own form bleeding and on the brink of death. Her sister, sobbing, begging, pleading for the man who would never come back. The man who never wanted to come back. She could still see Bea’s head, kept in that fucking house of death, staring blankly back at her. She could see her sister’s bloodless corpse at the ritual site. How much had she seen in the past year? How much more would she have to see? How many more people would die? Tears began to roll down her cheeks and Luce shook her head, hating herself for crying, for breaking down. But once they started to flow, she couldn’t stop them. “I’m sorry-- I’m sorry.” She sobbed, shaking her head as her breaths came out in shuddering gasps.

“Luce,” Nadia said, moving in closer as the other woman started crying. It was like being hit with a semi truck. Luce felt so much. So much. Nadia had never felt so much grief. But she’d never been around someone who had been through so much, either. No one should feel like this. “You don’t have to apologize. You can let it out. Just let it out. It’s okay to let it out with me, okay?” She leaned forward and wiped the tears away from Luce’s face, even though they kept pouring. Nadia didn’t mind. She didn’t. There was nothing for Luce to apologize for. Nadia wouldn’t have come if she minded this. She knew what she was getting into when she responded to that message. “I’m here.” She kept her voice soft, soothing, even if she felt Luce’s emotions building up in the back of her throat. “It’s okay to let it out. I promise.”

Nadia’s hand was cool against her skin and Luce leaned into it instinctively. Her shoulders shook at the other woman’s quiet words. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve to be here when the world had lost one of the best people it had ever known. She didn’t deserve comfort when her own sister was mourning the loss of the man she’d loved. But, selfishly, she wanted it. Even through the guilt and the grief, God, she ached to be just a little less alone. “I should have-- done more. I should have gone after Bea when she sent me that text, when she told me to stay at work, the day that she was,” Her words caught in the back of her throat and Luce shook her head once more. “I-- I-- I should have learned. I should have gone with Adam. I shouldn’t have put so much fucking pressure on him to bring her back, I shouldn’t have been so angry, I should have just--” Fresh sobs burst free and her shoulders slumped forward. “I should have done more. For both of them, for all of them. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything.”

“Hey, no, it’s not fair for you to do this to yourself,” Nadia said. She could feel Luce spiraling down into this, and it was all she could do not to fall with her. She couldn’t do that. She had to pull Luce up instead. “You can’t possibly know what would have happened if you’d gone. You might not have changed anything at all. There’s no going back there, Luce. It sucks. It fucking sucks, but there’s no going back.” And, selfishly, a part of Nadia was glad about that. She didn’t know what she’d do if Luce had been the one to take her sister’s place. It was awful, and she hated herself for it, but Bea was back. She didn’t know if Luce would have been able to come back. “And you can’t-- you can’t blame yourself for him, either. I didn’t know him but this-- the going in alone, all headstrong and shit, that seems like the kind of thing he would do. He seemed like that kind of guy.” As Luce slumped forward, Nadia moved towards her, wrapping her arms around Luce’s shaking shoulders and holding her tight, rubbing circles on her back. “That’s not true. You did what you could. I know you did. And all you can do now is be there, okay? That’s all you can do now. You let this out, and, when they need you, you be there for them when they do the same.”

Luce heard Nadia’s words and she knew… that the other woman was right. Just like Bea had said, they couldn’t go back and rewrite time. They couldn’t change the past. But it felt fair, it felt like the guilt and pain was the only fair thing she could do because who the fuck was she compared to her sister, to Adam, to all of the people who had suffered and paid the price? What made her life any more valuable than theirs, any more worthy? “I know that I can’t change anything, I know that.” She managed through the tears, sinking into Nadia’s arms. Luce’s arms wrapped around the other woman’s form, clinging to her like a lifeline from the misery that was threatening to wash over her head and drag her down. “I just don’t know how. How to be here. With this, with all of this, this pain. It’s-- it’s so much. It’s too much.”

As Luce all but collapsed into her arms, Nadia did what she could to keep them both up. If there was nothing else that she could do, then it would be that. She could do that. She could shoulder this pain for Luce. “It’s not easy,” Nadia said. It wasn’t. Sometimes, it’s so much easier to run. It’s so much easier to leave and pull away. She knew that. She knew that. “It’s so much. But that’s why you don’t do it alone. That’s why you can’t do it alone. We’re-- People, all of us, we’re not meant to carry these things on our own.” Maybe that’s why there were empaths. There had to be people out there that knew how to carry these things. There had to be people out there who had no choice but to carry things. She held Luce tight, eyes closed as a few tears of her own slipped out. Or were they Luce’s? Or were they both of theirs? “I don’t think there’s any guide on how to do this. You just do it, and it gets easier every time. But I’m here for you, and I won’t let you do this alone, Luce. I won’t. You don’t have to anymore.”

Resting her head on Nadia’s shoulder, Luce felt her tears begin to subside, though the pain still remained. And she knew it wouldn’t go away. The grief she’d felt last summer, when she’d burned a chunk of the forest to the ground in anguish, it had subsided some over the year. It had eased. But just like her fire, it had never truly abandoned her. It had never left. It had remained, in the pit of her stomach, in the back of her mind. Haunting her. And in the wake of Adam’s death, the emotions had returned to her in full force. “You don’t--” But the words petered out before she could finish her sentence. Because Nadia knew that she didn’t need to do this. She didn’t need to do any of this, she didn’t need to subject herself to the emotional onslaught. But she was. And she was offering. All Luce had to do was accept the help. “Thank you.” She mumbled, hugging the woman tighter.

“I know,” Nadia said. “I know.” And Luce knew, too, with the way she didn’t finish what she was going to say. It wasn’t out of necessity that people cared for each other, not in the way that they needed food or water or shelter. It was a want and desire to not let the people you cared for suffer alone. Nadia cared for Luce. So much. Probably more than she would admit, even now. She didn’t want Luce to suffer alone. She couldn’t let her suffer alone. And even as the tears stopped, there was still suffering. That wasn’t going away any time soon. But the burden of suffering could be shared, and it was more manageable when it was. Luce’s arms tightened around her, and Nadia made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t be the first one to let go. She’d hold Luce until the other woman stopped. She’d hold her until Luce told her to go away. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m here. Anytime you need me, I’m here.” And she was. And she would be for as long as she could, shouldering these feelings and making sure that Luce knew she didn’t have to be alone again.

#p: alla #p: nadia diaz #wickedswriting #sibling death tw

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theskyeandsea · 5 years ago

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Library Lessons || Nadia & Skylar

Skylar drummed her fingers nervously on the top of her notebook, glancing around the relatively empty library ever now and then. There weren’t too many people around-- a mom with her kids going through the children’s section, an old man struggling to use the online catalogue-- which was both comforting and worrisome. Good because it meant the lesson would probably go smoothly, bad because it didn’t seem like the woman she had agreed to teach was here.

She glanced down at her phone, checking the time again. She was technically early, which really meant that all this anxiety over waiting was her own fault. But, she wanted to make a good impression on the people that she was teaching. After all, a big part of why she had decided to do this was to meet some more of the locals. She took another look at her phone and let out a sigh. Leaning against the table, Skylar rested her head on the palm of her hand. “What am I getting myself into..” She mumbled to herself.

#P: ll #p: nadia diaz

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relatoscomunes · 4 years ago

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septiembre 10 esta foto me gusta mucho. la tomo el @alvaroorozco.cl hace exactamente un año, cuando terminábamos la Marcha del Silencio 2019, mientras miraba sus rostros una y otra vez, sumergida y conmovida en ese ejercicio de memoria histórica tan intenso que es el #SeptiembreMemoriaFeminista quizás ahí empezó a germinar la idea y la pandemia me dio el espacio y la necesidad más urgente de realizarla: concentrar en un lugar online todas esas caras, todas esas historias, que ya no íbamos a poder cargar en las calles pero que si podían marchar frente a nuestros ojos en una pantalla para vencer la impunidad del olvido Entonces así pude conocerlas a todas, una por una conocer sus ocupaciones, lo bacanas que eran, lo brutal de cómo fueron sus muertes pero también conocer y rescatar lo intensas de sus vidas de la musicalidad de María Beltrán de la ternura social de Maria Cristina Lopez y Alicia Rios de lo seca que era Cecilia Castro, seleccionada nacional de Volley y estudiante de Derecho a la vez o Maria Elena Gonzalez, que a los 18 años ya tenía un titulo universitario (!!!) de Beatriz Diaz y su poesía, de Jane Vanini y su persistencia revolucionaria con la maternidad revolucionaria llena de ternura de Maria Verónica Cienfuegos y Ana Luisa Peñailillo o la maternidad a prueba de todo de Gregoria Carilaf y Maria Julieta Ramirez, a quienes asesinaron por defender a sus hijos o la inocencia interrumpida de las niñas: Claudia Valenzuela, Carmen Pizarro, Carmen Gutierrez, Nadia Fuentes, Sandra Henriquez, Erika Sandoval, Erika Riquelme, Mercedes Polden de la justicia inmensa que le deben a Susana Obando, a Marcia Miranda, Rosetta Pallini, Maria Loreto Castillo, Leonidas Isabel Diaz (cuyos casos me quebraron) Mónica Llanca y Maria Elena Acosta, heroínas absolutas que merecen un monumento las hermanas Maria Paz y Margarita Martin, de Carmen y Gloria Delard de Arcadia Flores y su porfiada vocación de comunicadora Como parte de la generación que vivió la masacre sin saber por qué hacer este trabajo con las compañeras de @colectivajulietak ha sido de los honores de la vida https://septiembrememoriafeminista.tumblr.com/ Hecho con mucho cariño. para cada una 💜✊🏽 https://www.instagram.com/p/CE-l9-UJ7c0/?igshid=n11uw3kcurcx

#septiembrememoriafeminista

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rivaltimes · 2 years ago

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Sanchez accuses Feijoo of "insolvency and bad faith" for foreseeing a recession and aligning himself with the electric companies

Sanchez accuses Feijoo of “insolvency and bad faith” for foreseeing a recession and aligning himself with the electric companies

(LR) The Second Vice President and Minister of Labor and Social Economy, Yolanda Diaz; the First Vice President and Minister of Economic Affairs and Digital Transformation, Nadia Calvino and the President of the Government, Pedro Sanchez, while the p – Jesus Hellin – Europa Press MADRID, Sep. 6 (EUROPA PRESS) – The President of the Government, Pedro Sanchez, has censured that the leader of the…

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kalpnasinghchitnis · 2 years ago

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One day you get up and see yourself featured with the legendary poets of the world. No, I didn't feel thrilled, exhilarated, or chuffed. I just wept a silent tear, as anything meaningful I have created has a sorrow behind it. My poem The Tree, translated into Portuguese by Francis Kurkievicz and published in the Brazilian journal Rivista Acrobata (link in the bio). Thanks to the editor. In the great company of Forough Farrokhzad (Irã, 1935-1967), Miguel Márquez (Venezuela, 1955), Natalie Diaz, José Carlos Becerra (México, 1936-1970), Kristin Dykstra (United States, 1970), Samar Shahdad (Iran), Nadia Anjuman (Afghanistan, 1980-2005), María Ángeles Pérez López (Spain, 1967), Mía Gallegos (Costa Rica, 1953), Rita Dahl (Finland, 1971), Carina Sedevich (Argentina, 1972), Zofia Beszczyńska (Poland, 1951), Renée Ferrer (Paraguay, 1944), Elsie Surena (Haiti, 1956) and legends like Hans Arp (French-German / 1886-1966), Maurice Blanchard (France 1890-1960), Paul Éluard (France, 1895-1952) Juan Eduardo Cirlot (Spain, 1916-1973) Nishiwaki Junzaburo (Japan 1894-1982), Aimé Césaire (Martinica, 1913-2008), Célie Diaquoi-Deslandes (Haiti, 1907-1989), Rubén Bonifaz Nuño (México 1923 – 2013), Stella Díaz Varín (Chile 1926 – 2006), Louis Scutenaire (Bélgium, 1905-1987), Radovan Ivsic (Croácia, 1921-2009), Alice Rahon (France, 1904-1987), Dusan Matic (Serbia, 1898-1980), De Joyce Mansour (England, 1928-1986), Leopoldo María Panero (Spain, 1948–2014), Jorge Gaitán Durán (Colômbia, 1924-1962), Max Blecher (Romania, 1909-1938), Olga Orozco (Argentina, 1920-1999), Aimé Césaire (Martinique, 1913 – 2008), Kansuke Yamamoto (Japan, 1914 – 1987), Marianne Van Hirtum (Belgium, 1925-1988), León-Gontran Damas (Guyana, 1912-1978), Valentine Penrose (France, 1898-1978), Dusan Matic (Serbia, 1898-1980) and some others. #tree #thetree #poetry #poetsofinstagram #translation #pourtuguese #legends #revista #revistaacrobata #KSC https://www.instagram.com/p/Cet3-gGvVet/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#tree #thetree #poetry #poetsofinstagram #translation #pourtuguese #legends #revista #revistaacrobata #ksc

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rosariumpublishing · 7 years ago

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Rosarium to release “Sunspot Jungle” 2 volume anthology!

2018 will mark Rosarium Publishing's fifth anniversary. To celebrate, they will be releasing a two-volume SFF anthology, entitled

Sunspot Jungle: The Ever-Expanding Universe of Science Fiction and Fantasy.

“I looked upon it as throwing a little party, so I invited some friends, some associates, and a whole lot of complete strangers to celebrate the field that has been so welcoming,” said publisher/editor Bill Campbell. “It's a massive project, but it really only scratches the surface of all the great writing that's out there right now. I hope people enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed putting it together.”

Sunspot Jungle will include the works of the following writers:

Basma Abdel Aziz, Yasser Abdel Latif, Saladin Ahmed, William Alexander, Charlie Jane Anders, Anatoly Belilovsky, Brooke Bolander, Vashti Bowlah, K. Tempest Bradford, Jennifer Marie Brissett, Maurice Broaddus, Christopher Brown, Tobias S. Buckell, Nadia Bulkin, Chesya Burke, Raquel Castro, Joyce Chng @blackwolfchng , John Chu, P. Djeli Clark, Zig Zag Claybourne, Elaine Cuyegkeng, Indrapramit Das, Teresa P. Mira de Echeverría, Claudia De Bella, Mame Bougouma Diene, Dilman Dila, Walter Dinjos, Tananarive Due, Hal Duncan, Corinne Duyvis, Berit Ellingsen, Amal El-Mohtar, Mélanie Fazi, Tang Fei, Fábio Fernandes, Jeffrey Ford, Clifton Gachagua, R.S.A. Garcia, Sergio Gaut vel Hartman, Max Gladstone, Jaymee Goh @jhameia , Hiromi Goto, Nick Harkaway, Margrét Helgadóttir, Carlos Hernandez, Nalo Hopkinson, Sabrina Huang, T.L. Huchu, Walidah Imarisha, Emmi Itäranta, N.K. Jemisin, Rahul Kanakia, Isha Karki, Csilla Kleinheincz, Tessa Kum, Clara Kumagai, Victor LaValle, Rose Lemberg, Ken Liu, Karen Lord, Karin Lowachee, Carmen Maria Machado, Nick Mamatas, Kuzhali Manickavel, Haralambi Markov, Juan Martinez, Brandon Mc Ivor, Foz Meadows, Hiroko Minagawa, Sunny Moraine, Silvia Moreno-Garcia, Kristine Ong Muslim, Ramez Naam, Shweta Narayan, Iheoma Nwachukwu, Irenosen Okojie, Nnedi Okorafor, Malka Older, Chinelo Onwualu, Nene Ormes, Sanem Ozdural, Sarah Pinsker, Pavel Renčín, Rebecca Roanhorse, Yoav Rosen, Geoff Ryman, Jayaprakash Satyamurthy, Nisi Shawl, Eve Shi, Angela Slatter, Naru Dames Sundar, Jeremy Szal, Bogi Takács, Gabriel Teodros, K.A. Teryna, Natalia Theodoridou, Sheree Renée Thomas, Lavie Tidhar, Walter Tierno, Francesco Verso, Sabrina Vourvoulias, Subodhana Wijeyeratne, Bryan Thao Worra, and Carlos Yushimito.

Rosarium plans to run a Kickstarter campaign in February for a special hardcover edition of the anthology that will only be available to the supporters of the campaign. The paperback edition of Vol. 1 will be released in the fall of 2018 with the follow-up edition to be released in the spring of 2019.

Reviews of our other anthologies include:

“Groundbreaking speculative fiction anthology that showcases the work from some of the most talented writers inside and outside speculative fiction across the globe.” – Mothership: Tales from Afrofuturism and Beyond, Atlanta BlackStar

“The Sea Is Ours opens the boundaries of what steampunk is, and it's a frequently beautiful and often sharp read.” NY Journal of Books on The SEA is Ours: Tales from Steampunk Southeast Asia

“Here’s a tribute anthology to one of the greatest living science fiction authors, including works by Junot Diaz, Eileen Gunn, Chesya Burke, Nalo Hopkinson and Geoff Ryman, which play with sexual identity and race, while some essays also celebrate Delany’s work. Publishers Weekly gave this book a starred review, and SFSignal says these stories “honor the man of the hour in many of his facets without ever falling into kitsch or fawning.” i09 on Stories for Chip: A Tribute to Samuel R. Delany

For further information, contact Melissa Riggio at [email protected].

#sunspot jungle #sff #steampunk #sci fi #fantasy

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santosyancarlocoach · 4 years ago

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Apóyanos para que ya HOY se lleve acabo...PLEASE! RIFA DE LIBROS QUE NÚMERO QUIERES? Estos son los libros que se rifarán y el CD extra con temas de motivación. Solo 21dlls el ticket.... Cuantos quieres? RIFA DE LIBROS 1. 2. 3. 4. Teresa Reyes 5. Andy Diaz 6. Guadalupe Cruz 🌟 7. Alba Albanes 🌟 8. 9. 10. Tere Zamora 11. Elizabeth Siguenza 🌟 12. 13. 14. Dina Melgar 🌟 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. Nadia Ramirez 20. 21. Teresa Reyes RECUERDEN? Envíen sus 21dlls por ZELLE: (323) 533-1961 Santos Yancarlo Carrillo O CASH APP O Messenger FACEBOOK. Gracia! Gracias! Gracias! (at VIVEnow) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDmbMxujVGx/?igshid=1blc7ak9yyfme

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gfmiranday · 5 years ago

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Circuito Provincial Se jugó la primera fecha del Beach Voley. Se jugó entre el viernes y sábado pasado, la primera jornada del Circuito Provincial de Beach Voley, que tuvo desarrollo en la cancha del Polideportivo Juan Domingo Perón. En la ocasión arrancó con las categorías Damas A y B, como Sub14 y en varones mayores. Todo esta organizado por la Federación Riojana de Voleibol (FRiVo) y con el auspicio de la Secretaría de Deportes, Recreación e Inclusión. Justamente su titular Jorge Córdoba, acompañado con el subsecretario Federico Paredes presenciaron la jornada sabatina, y redoblaron el acompañamiento a esta disciplina y a FRiVo que seguirá desarrollando el torneo, este próximo fin de semana y así hasta mediados de Febrero. Según confió la coordinadora general del Torneo, la profesora Nadia Torres, este fin de semana tendrá continuidad el torneo, con partidos adaptados para aquellos jugadoras/es inscriptos que no participen del torneo de verano en la localidad de Tama, mientras que el 30, 31 de enero y 1 de febrero seguirá el mismo, ya con la inclusión de la categoría mixto. Estos fueron los resultados Resultados Viernes 17 de enero Categoría varones: Diaz/Leiva 2 vs Tobares/Tobares 0. Categoría damas: Paredes/Narváez 2 vs Lobato-Herrera 0; Gaitan/Fuentes 2 vs Garcia/Sanduay 0; Andrada/ Martínez 2 vs Quinteros/Cabo 0 Sabado 18 de enero Categoría Sub 14: Garcia/Ledesma 0 vs Garcia/Diaconchuk 2; Garcia/Diaconchuk 2 vs Carrizo/Pertile 0. Damas B: Torres/Gordillo 2 vs González/Reinoso 1 Damas A: Gaitan/Fuentes 2 vs Paredes/Narváez 0; Herrera/Lobato 0 vs Garcia/Sanduay 2 Caballeros: Tobares- Tobares 2 vs Fuentes/Domínguez 1; Quinteros/Cabo 2 vs Díaz/Leiva 0 https://www.instagram.com/p/B7j-qcgn3zU/?igshid=unatu1zwyfsa

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thiyana2019-blog · 6 years ago

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Excelente trabajo ur_beauty quede súper conforme. Gracias Nadia Diaz (en Montevideo Department) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByB83PPncxD/?igshid=1o6l1iqvhrvkh

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phgq · 5 years ago

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Tokyo International Film Festival bares diverse list of winners

#PHnews: Tokyo International Film Festival bares diverse list of winners

TOKYO – Iranian Director Reza Jamali won the Spirit of Asia Award by the Japan Foundation Asia Center for his film "Old Men Never Die" during the 32nd Tokyo International Film Festival (TIFF) Award Ceremony on November 5.

The award is bestowed on a promising director in the TIFF Asian Future section, chosen for its chances at international success beyond cultural and national borders.

"I'm happy to have received this award. I've finished shooting my second film, and to be given the wonderful opportunity to be acknowledged in this way has given me faith in my own (style) to go forward in the future," Jamali said.

Iranian Director Reza Jamali

The Best Asian Future Film Award went to "Summer Knight," directed by You Xing, the Best Screenplay Award to Shin Adachi for his film "A Beloved Wife," and the Best Artistic Contribution to Wang Rui's Chinese feature, "Chaogtu with Sarula."

Navid Mohammadzadeh from “Just 6.5” bagged the Best Actor Award while Nadia Tereszkiewicz, from "Only the Animals" took the Best Actress Award.

Saeed Roustaee won the Best Director Award for "Just 6.5," while the Special Jury Prize went to "Atlantis" and the festival's most prestigious award, the Tokyo Grand Prix, was given to Director Frelle Petersen for Danish film "Uncle."

All winners of 32nd TIFF

The Japan Foundation Asia Center and TIFF are now on their sixth year of collaboration, an endeavor that aims to deepen mutual understanding within Asia by showcasing Asian films in Japan and by bringing Asian talent to the world through TIFF.

The Japan Foundation Asia Center's CROSSCUT ASIA series showcases Asian films focused on particular countries, directors, or themes. This year's CROSSCUT ASIA showcased films featuring genre films ranging from thrillers to romantic horrors, reflecting regional characteristics such as internationally acclaimed director Lav Diaz's first-ever sci-fi thriller "The Halt."

Last October 29, taking the stage for a talk titled "The Discreet Charm of Girl's Horror Talk," three of Asia's leading female directors, Antoinette Jadaone ("Six Degrees of Separation from Lilia Cuntapay"), Mattie Do ("The Long Walk"), and Sigrid Andrea P. Bernardo ("Untrue"), whose works were all screened in CROSSCUT ASIA #06, discussed the horror films of Southeast Asia.

"The genre looks male-dominated, but people making genre films help each other, come out for you, they're there for you. It looks unwelcoming, but we need the female perspective in drama and women would find it a supportive world,” Do said.

The 32nd TIFF unspooled from October 28 to November 5, 2019. (Asianet)

***

References:

* Philippine News Agency. "Tokyo International Film Festival bares diverse list of winners." Philippine News Agency. https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1085914 (accessed November 14, 2019 at 05:10AM UTC+14).

* Philippine News Agency. "Tokyo International Film Festival bares diverse list of winners." Archive Today. https://archive.ph/?run=1&url=https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1085914 (archived).

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divineluce · 3 years ago

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Oh, Goddamn || Nadia & Luce

Timing: Backdated to June 4th, 2021

Tagging: @humanmoodring & @divineluce

Location: Nadia’s Apartment

Description: Luce and Nadia finally, actually talk. My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Walking up the stairs of Nadia’s apartment was harder than it should have been. Every step Luce took felt as though it was happening in slow motion, but she forced herself upwards. The leather jacket draped around her shoulders felt both like armor and a stifling cage, her body already beginning to resent the oppressive warmth. But, she pushed on. She needed to do this-- she wanted to do this. And that was more important, wasn’t it? If the situation with the Phoenix had been any indicator it was that… the desire to do something, to take action, it mattered just as much as the necessity of an action. She wanted to talk to Nadia, to really talk to her. She needed to see her. And not just in a physical sense, not like that. For once, she just wanted to fucking... get things off her chest. To be honest with the other woman.

Maybe it was because of everything Luce had faced over six months, the past month, fuck. The past week. She’d thought that once the phoenix was safe, that once she’d left the hospital, bandages around her burned arm, that maybe White Crest would allow her one moment’s rest. That she would be able to recover. That she could have this conversation with a clearer head, a clearer mind. But, of course, the town had other plans. She hadn’t even been able to let out a fucking breath and then... Nell was gone. Lost. Lost to some fucking hell dimension that Luce couldn’t do anything about. Pausing outside of Nadia’s door, Luce slumped against the door, exhausted. She wanted to run away. She wanted to leave. She was so fucking tired, so goddamn tired. But, she wanted to be here. She needed to be here. These feelings were going to eat her from the inside out and she couldn’t… She needed to get one thing right. To set one record straight. She didn’t want to lose another person, not again. Luce took a deep breath, her hand poised to knock on the door. And then, without pausing to second guess herself-- Luce knocked. And she waited.

Nadia didn’t really know what to do with waiting, even if she spent a lot of time doing it. She waited on the guy in front of her to order the most complicated drink at the coffee shop. She waited on Rhiannon to quit playing with the laces on her boots before she put them on. She waited on her side to heal. She was still waiting to stop feeling haunted. She was still waiting on her mind to stop playing tricks on her. She was still waiting on sleep to come naturally and not drag her down to the pits of hell every time she experienced it. And now she was sitting on her couch, waiting on Luce. She didn’t know what to do with her hands, even though they were in her lap, even though she was alone.

It was fine. This was fine. Luce just wanted to talk. Nadia could do that. She could talk. And the two of them were talking more. Not really about anything groundbreaking, but they were getting to know each other far more than had in the year that they’d known each other. Months, really, since Nadia had been gone for part of it. Most of it. Whatever. But they’d been talking. And now they were going to talk more. And it was totally fine. There was a knock at the door, and Nadia jumped off the couch, Rhiannon glaring at her, and she straightened her sleeves and headed to the door, opened it. Nadia felt Luce’s nerves and a hint of discomfort before she answered the door. It blended in nicely with her own. She gave Luce a small smile, even if she was a little worried. “Hey,” she said, taking Luce in, her tired stance, the way she was wearing a jacket and Nadia never knew Luce to wear a jacket indoors. “How’s it going?”

Luce didn’t know what to expect when Nadia opened the door. A part of her wondered if she’d fucking… just break down the second the door opened. She felt like she might. She wanted to. But she knew that Nadia could feel every ounce of her anxiety, every shred of her grief and exhaustion. And she didn’t want to just fucking whack the other woman with the emotional hammer like that. So, she did her best to offer a weary smile and tilted her head inside. “Mind if I come in?” She asked before following the other woman inside. She’d been here often enough that the room was familiar to her-- the familiar couch, the fuzzy, angry form of Rhiannon glowering at her from the armrest. Luce reached out to rest her hand on the cat’s head tiredly. “You look happy, for once.” She said quietly to the cat before glancing back up at Nadia. Through her own haze of tiredness, Luce noticed that the other woman looked… better. Not good, not exactly. But she didn’t look beat to shit for once, which was an improvement. She looked tired, though. When was the last time Nadia had gotten a good night’s sleep? When had either of them, for that matter?

“Sorry-- for just barging in.” Luce said. “I’ve been… Last month’s been a bit of a fucking time. And I just-- I wanted to see you.” She wanted to see her, needed to see her. Because she had to get this off her chest.

“Of course you can come in,” Nadia said, moving aside to let the other woman in, feeling grief and anxiety pouring off of her in waves, and it worried her. The last time she felt like this, something had been so, so wrong, and Nadia hadn’t found out about it until months later. She couldn’t stop her worried eyes from looking Luce over, even if she did return her smile, even if it was a bit shaky. She watched Rhiannon react to Luce, grateful the cat didn’t bat out at the other woman with her big, fluffy paws. The cat was actually behaving for once. Though, she usually did when Luce was around. “You look tired,” she said softly, even though she knew that Luce was addressing the cat. Nadia leaned against the couch as Luce made eye contact, and she ran a hand through her hair. “Hey, you don’t have to apologize. You don’t. Didn’t even barge in, either, since I told you that you could come over. Do you-- I mean, you can’t talk about it, if you want. You don’t have to, though.” Her smile widened, something warm filling her chest. “It’s alright, seriously. I’m always around, you know.” For you. If you want. Or, just, whatever.

Luce’s fingers were gently scratching behind Rhiannon’s ears when she heard the other’s quiet words. Her hand stilled for a moment, before she nodded. “I am. I’m real tired.” She admitted. It was a meaningless admission, but the small measure of truth felt good all the same. She’d never really been honest with Nadia, not until recently. She hadn’t been honest with Remmy either, until it was too late. She wanted to be more than just… white lies and falsehoods. If she could handle a little bit of truth, she could commit to saying the words unspoken. Right? She could do this. Looking up at Nadia, Luce offered a weary smile, the still healing gash over her eye twinging at the motion. “I told you how I did some fucked up shit. How… I killed people.” She said plainly, because it wasn’t a question. It was a statement. It was a fact and it was true. “And that really fucked me up for a long, long time. But, uh. I did some things. Reflected on some things. Saved someone, in the process of it all. Nearly… nearly died too.” Almost wanted to die. “And it made me think on stuff.” She said, nodding as she rested against the armrest of the couch.

“I just,” Luce started, trying to put to words all the things she’d wanted to say. I care about you. I really care about you, more than I should. I wish I had done more for you, I wish I could be more for you. I want to be someone you deserve. I want to be someone worthy of being in your life. But I’m a coward. I’ve always been a coward. I don’t know how to say these things that I feel and I-- Luce cleared her throat and ran a bandaged hand through her hair. It felt stifling in the apartment, she felt like she was overheating. Her body heat was trapped in her jacket and it just amplified her discomfort. “I’m sorry. I’m not. Good at this. At talking about shit.”

“We can do this another time, if you want. If you’d rather just sleep,” Nadia said, still worried. She was really worried, if only because this was different than anything that the two of them usually did. They tiptoed around admissions of weakness, even if they knew the other felt it. They brushed off their problems, at least at first. This was different. Nadia could feel it radiating off Luce like the heat the other woman constantly gave off. This was different. She wanted to brush her hands over Luce’s face, to wipe away the weariness, the bruises, the cuts. Not for the first time, she wished she still had a stash of phoenix tears. “You�� Fuck.” Nadia could only look at Luce, eyes wide as she processed everything that the other woman was saying. She’d almost died. But she’d been helping someone, and she was doing something good, and she was alleviating some of the pain that Nadia knew was weighing on her. Nadia could tell, even under her grief and tiredness, that this was something that Luce was proud of. But she’d almost died. “I’m glad you’re okay.” Even as she said the words, she looked Luce over. “Even if you don’t quite look okay. You can take off your jacket if you want to, you know.”

Nadia moved a bit closer, curiosity adding itself to the concern as she felt the emotions flashing through Luce, as she tried to piece together what they meant. She tried not to do that, too much. It wasn’t right, to constantly know what other people were feeling. “Hey,” she said. “It’s okay. Seriously. You don’t have to be sorry. Talking’s not that easy.” She gave Luce a reassuring grin. “Trust me, I know.”

“No.” Luce said, voice firmer than it had been. No, she didn’t want to go, she didn’t want to lose the brief moment of resolve she’d managed to capture. Because if she didn’t talk now, if she didn’t admit things to Nadia now, would she ever? Or would she only manage to say things once it was too late? She didn’t want to lose Nadia. And that fact scared her. It was a fact Luce had realized months ago, back when Cordelia had taken control and wrenched her soul from her body. And it was a fact she was only now realizing had to be said. She needed to. She had to. Luce stared down at her hands, at the cotton bandages wound around her palm to cover the torn and tender skin. “I’m not quite okay. But I think that’s just how life goes in this town.” Luce said with a slight laugh. At the mention of her jacket, Luce grimaced. Of course Nadia would be able to tell how fucking suffocated she felt. It was practically projected on her face. But she hadn’t wanted to worry her.

“Just as a heads up, I got sort of,” Luce paused as she gingerly extracted her left arm from the sleeve of her jacket. “hurt. In a big ritual. Not as bad as I was in the last one I did.” The scar across her throat twinged, just as it always did at the memory of that night. Was what she felt real, or was it just a phantom pain, a remnant of what she’d done? Luce didn’t know. Easing the jacket off her shoulders, she draped it over the back of the couch and let out a sigh. The air in Nadia’s apartment was cool against her skin and she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Not much, but enough to help her breathe just a little easier. “No, it’s not.” She said with another weak chuckle, “It’s really, really not. And I’ve never been good at it. But I want to get better at talking about things. With you.”

“Okay, okay,” Nadia said, cocking her head a bit to the side. Luce wasn’t angry at her, just standing firm. Okay. She didn’t want to sleep. She wanted to talk. That was fine. They could totally talk. “I mean, yeah, I don’t know a single fucking person that’s doing okay, really. Except for the person online that’s, like, calling for the library to confirm the existence of ghosts. She seems fine, relatively speaking. For this town, at least.” And maybe Nadia was just talking to talk, trying to think of something to say to figure out how to process what was happening. She looked Luce over, taking in bandages, trying to figure out how badly she was injured. “Fuck.” Sort of hurt was such an understatement. Luce looked like shit. Even moreso with the bandages off. “Not like the last one you did but still big? Is it… okay for me to ask what happened?” she asked, toeing the line of what they could and couldn’t talk about. She was still trying to figure that out. Still trying to figure them out. And, yeah, Luce said she came here because she wanted to talk, but Nadia didn’t know what about. She didn’t know what was allowed.

“Hey, I mean, I’m really shit at it, too. Talking to people,” Nadia said. She’d been really bad at it, actually, and not because she couldn’t. She just wouldn’t, and it got to a point where it was second nature to not talk about things. It was second nature to throw her feelings under the rug, to forget that they were there. She had everyone else’s feelings to worry about, talk about. She didn’t want to worry about her own. “I’d like that. I mean, you know, maybe we could work on it together?” she asked, smiling tentatively.

Realizing that she’d come in a little strong, Luce shook her head, “I-- Sorry. I didn’t mean to be so fucking intense about it. I just… I’m not used to this.” She wasn’t at all used to this feeling, this desire to try. “Oh, Nora?” Luce asked, thinking back to the last time she’d run into the other woman. It had ended with her chasing a fucking bear out of her shop and having to clean up the knocked over decorations and spilled ink from the floor. But, Nadia didn’t really need to know that. “You’re not wrong. She always seems to be doing alright.” As Nadia took in the bandages that were wound around Luce’s forearm, she lifted her good shoulder in a slight shrug. She leaned against the back of the couch, her fingers tapping on the fabric as she tried to put thoughts to words. But, Nadia’s soft smile caught her off guard and she offered a small one of her own.

“Yeah. I’d like that.” Luce said as she met the other woman’s gaze, her fingers pressing against the fabric of the couch. She wanted to reach out and touch Nadia, to feel cool skin against her own. She wanted to tell her that she’d really like that, that she… wanted more than just talking. She wanted more than just the sex and the tentative, benign conversations. For the first time in her life, she wanted something real, because being with Nadia made her feel more real, more whole. But what if Nadia didn’t feel the same way? Luce realized that she was staring and she shifted her eyes quickly. Clearing her throat, Luce tucked her hair behind her ear, just to have something to do with her hands.

“I told you how I was working on… a passion project, right?” Luce asked before continuing, “Someone I know, they called me in because they thought there was an out of control fire spellcaster around. And I know… a bit about what that’s like. Turns out, it was a phoenix whose reincarnation had been corrupted. They were just filled with so much pain, all this rage. The fires, in the woods? Those were them. And I couldn’t just… let them go on like that. So, some people helped me put together a ritual. A lot of people, actually. And we made it happen.” She said, glancing down at her wrapped up arm once more. She could still feel where the phoenix fire had burned her, but it wasn’t a bad memory. Just a reminder. Of where she’d been. And how far she’d come. “I got burned by phoenix fire in the process of getting him whole again. But I don’t regret it. It was the right thing to do.” The art on her arm was probably ruined, but she’d come up with something else. Fix it, maybe. One day. “That’s… that’s what happened.” She said lamely.

“Hey, no, you’re good,” Nadia said quickly. And it was different, to see Luce this intense about something that wasn’t life and death. Or maybe this was life and death. Nadia didn’t know. She didn’t think she’d seen Luce intense, period. They didn’t get intense, not really. Not a lot. “Yeah, she’s the one. Definitely seems to be doing good.” A little naive, but good. Luce… didn’t seem good. She seemed unsure and nervous and tentative, and Nadia was so unused to it that she moved a bit closer, sitting beside Luce. They weren’t quite touching; she kept a bit of space, but being around people, being near people, was always comforting to Nadia, even if she didn’t act on it a lot. Too many times called clingy, too many times shunned away, left alone. She didn’t act on it a lot. She wasn’t really acting on it now; she was leaving the option open to act on it, a reminder to Luce that she was there, right there, and she wanted to be there. That was what she wanted. That was what she could do.

“You did, yeah,” Nadia said, unsure as to where this was going. But, as Luce explained, her eyes widened. She looked Luce over again, checking her for injuries. Still, she also felt the way Luce felt about what happened. There was no reason to worry over something that had already happened. That’s what she tried to tell herself. She wanted to get better about that. She couldn’t worry about something that already happened, but Luce… seemed proud of what she did. She’d done something good. Nadia knew that killing that woman still weighed on her. She knew that Luce struggled with it. But this was something Luce could be proud of, her “passion project.” She gave Luce a soft smile. “You know that’s, like, really awesome, right? I knew a phoenix, for a time. I didn’t know that their reincarnations could… corrupt.” She didn’t know a lot of things, but she was learning. “I think that what you did was amazing, though. Not a lot of people would do that. Not a lot of people would get a group together to do that. Not a lot of people would be burned for that.” She looked at the bandages on Luce’s arm. Quietly, stupidly, she asked, “Does it hurt?”

Luce wasn’t sure what sort of reaction she expected from Nadia. She hadn’t told anyone outside of the group of people who’d helped perform the ritual what had happened in the woods that night. She rarely told people about the things she did in the forests, the stormy nights she used to spend trying to turn her flames into lightning or the free mornings she now spent attempting to atone for the damage she’d caused. Sharing things wasn’t what she did, but the… praise was even more foreign for her. It didn’t exactly feel awesome, what she’d done. It had felt necessary. Like it was the right thing to do. Like it was the only thing she could do. “Mm. I didn’t know they could either, not until I saw for myself.” She could still remember that mine, the cursed place she’d stumbled upon with the help of the werewolf woman in the woods. What happened there, she didn’t know, but Luce didn’t want to step foot back in there. Not until she knew what it was. And with everything that was already snowballing down on her? Not today. Not now. “It wasn’t a good time, but it needed to happen. And I’m just glad that it worked out.”

Seeing the way Nadia looked at the bandages around her arm, Luce realized just how close the other woman was. The last time they’d been this close-- well. She’d been helping Nadia take care of her wounds, fresh from her own brush with danger. With death. Maybe one day, they’d both be a little less bruised, a little less battered by this town. She hoped so. She wanted that. And that wanting, it still fucking scared her. Luce cleared her throat and moved her arm gingerly, though the motion sent a rippled of pain up under her skin. “A bit. But it’s okay. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been burned so… it’s a reminder, sort of. That I can still burn if I’m not careful.” She said. “But, I’m not exactly looking to make a habit of this. I just got my magic back, I’m not going to,” Luce paused, realizing she hadn’t told Nadia that either. “...push my luck. A lot has happened in the last month.” She said with a self conscious chuckle.

Luce was a bit unsure, but Nadia wasn’t. She knew that what Luce had done, whether she wanted to acknowledge it or not, was a good thing. Not everyone would go out of there way to do something like that for another person, especially if that other person was dangerous and on fire. Especially if they were dangerous and on fire. Nadia mused. “You learn something new in this hellscape of a town every day. Corrupted reincarnations cause phoenixes to just, like, become torches. That’s… terrifying.” A lot of things were terrifying, though. It was also fascinating. The more time went on, the more Nadia found out about this world and realized that she was in it now, the more she found that she didn’t mind it. She wanted to be a part of it, in this town, with these people. The person in front of her included. “I’m glad it worked out, too. Like, so fucking glad.”

Nadia looked over Luce’s arm, her eyes soft. “Why is it that one of us is always hurt?” Either they were hurt, or they were just sleeping together. But, no, that wasn’t true. They talked. They got so close to actually saying something, anything. And then they wouldn’t, and Nadia would bite down the feelings that she was almost positive they both felt because that wasn’t casual. And Luce had made it clear what she wanted upfront. Nadia wasn’t going to be the one to challenge that. “Do you need it looked at? My first aid kit is kept well stocked and prepared for literally everything.” She had legitimate medical supplies now. She supposed it was well-earned, given how many run ins with death she’d had. “Yeah, no, please don’t make a habit of this. The burn thing. Maybe even the injury thing? I’d love to keep that at a minimum.” But she gave Luce a smile, though she raised one eyebrow inquisitively. “It… sounds like you’ve had a time, these last few months.” Nadia wished she’d known. She wished she’d been able to help.

“Just another fun new fact from this place. The more you know and all that shit.” Luce said with a slightly wry smile, but her expression softened at Nadia’s words. “Yeah. It all worked out. And I’m… better. Not exactly okay. But better than I was.” She said. Her arm was proof enough of that. Another scar that she would carry with her for the rest of her life. How many scars would this town leave on her skin, on her heart? She wasn’t sure how many more she could take. Which is why she needed to do this. To tell Nadia the truth, to come clean. To put to rest the uncertainty, the dancing around feelings, the deliberately mindless nature of what was going on between them. She wanted to clear things up, to let Nadia know that what she felt was real and that it wasn’t going away. And that fucking scared her. It had scared her when she’d felt that way for Remmy and that had ended… terribly. Because of a whole host of reasons, but Luce would never forgive herself for never telling them the truth until it was too late. She hoped they were okay. That they had found someone who could appreciate them in a way she’d never been able to.

Clearing her throat, Luce let out a tired laugh, “I wish I knew. You know, I think the first time we met might be one of the only times when neither one of us was actively fucked up. The whole… unabomber attempt on the mime place in town.” She said. Had that really only been a year ago? A little more than that, but not by much. It felt like an entire lifetime ago. For Nadia, it might as well have been. At the other woman’s offer, Luce shook her head. “No, it’s alright. I even went to the hospital for this one. N--” Her sisters name caught in the back of her throat, but Luce pushed past it. “Used a glamour and my sisters new insurance, so it all worked out.” She said before glancing down at her hands for a moment. “Yeah. It’s been a time.” Still is. “But I’m getting there, working on things. Working on me.” Luce paused, the fingers of her good hand twitching slightly. “Which is why I wanted to talk to you. If that’s okay.” Time to take the plunge. Time to say what she wanted to, what she needed to.

“I’d say we love to see it, but I don’t think we fucking do,” Nadia said, her expression changing itself to match Luce’s. “Yeah, well, you know I think that better is kind of the best that can be done, at times. It’s okay not to be okay. Better is the new okay.” She was doing better. That’s what she told people. That’s what she told herself. And she was. She was doing better. Anything was doing better when one had their whole fucking life taken from them. She looked at Luce’s scars. She felt Luce’s fear. Was Nadia really that scary? Was whatever she wanted to say really that scary? Nadia knew the feeling of fear, was intimately familiar with it, knew how to tell the difference between her own and others’. Luce’s was distinct, but so was her determination. Whatever she was afraid of, Luce was going to say it. Nadia hoped she said it. She hoped she didn’t. She didn’t know what she wanted. She didn’t want to hope.

“God, that really was the only time, wasn’t it? And, honestly, I’m sure there was something going on, too, some sort of cut or bruise or some shit.” Nadia laughed. Really, had it been that long? It felt like yesterday that she was sitting across from Luce and asking her if she wanted to help Nadia blow up a fucking mime restaurant. And now they were here, in her apartment, both of them tired and beaten up and worn out in so many different ways. “Good, that’s good. Hospitals are, yeah, they’re good.” They weren’t. Nadia’d fucking hated hospitals even when going in them and saying her name wouldn’t have raised multiple red flags in any government system. “I’m glad, too, that you’re getting there.” She swallowed tightly, looking at Luce, at the way her fingers moved. She didn’t want to hope. She didn’t dare to hope. “Yeah, yeah, it’s okay to talk. We can talk. About whatever you want.”

“Better’s the new okay.” Luce repeated. It was a sad fact, but at least it was something she could still hold onto. And she didn’t have much left right about now. “Hospitals are kind of the bane of my existence, but they’ve got their place, I guess.” She said, the old Vural distrust of doctors making itself present once more. She’d never liked doctors, even before the events of last year. And after being hooked up to machines for the better part of a week last year, after her heart had briefly stopped… nope, she didn’t like them any better. At Nadia’s words, Luce nodded again, fingers drumming lightly against the couch. Time to take the plunge, to dive into uncharted waters and… hope for the best. Maybe she’d be left to drown in these feelings, but at least she’d get them off her chest.

“I know that… I said that this,” Luce gestured between the two of them with her good hand, “Was a casual thing. And it was, for a while. And I was pretty happy with that.” She paused, wondering when things had shifted. Had it been the night she realized that Nadia wasn’t Nadia anymore? Had that been the moment she realized she cared more than any random hook up ought to? Luce didn’t rightly know. And she couldn’t think about that right now, or she’d never get the words out. “I’m not-- I’m not good at shit like this. Talking about my feelings. Being open with people. Being honest. I’m sure you know that given how you’ve been… feeling everything I’m going through when I’m around.” She said, lips pressing together in a thin, worried line. Nadia knew everything she’d felt, she’d felt it first hand. And god that was still so fucking scary. But she had to go through with this. “I’ve never really wanted to be with someone, not seriously, until…” Luce paused and shifted uncomfortably against the couch. Remmy. You. Both of you. And I lost one of you and then I nearly lost both of you and I can’t lose anymore people. “Last year. There was someone I really cared about and I couldn’t get out of my own way until it was too late. And I don’t want… to lose more people I care about.”

Luce took a deep breath and glanced over at Nadia, forcing herself to meet the other woman’s gaze. “I really fucking like you, Nadia. And it scares the shit out of me how much I-- I care about you.” She let out a laugh, the sound tinged with nerves. God, she was nervous laughing, like a fucking teenager. “I don’t want this to be casual. I don’t want this to just be us trying to dance around feelings. I just... want you.”

“Yeah, it is,” Nadia murmured. “Sometimes better’s all that we’ve got.” And maybe that wasn’t the best, but the best was fucking over rated. No one knew what the best was. No one had ever really had the best. They just knew better. Things steadily improved until they went to shit, and then they got better eventually. That was the way the world worked. “Well, maybe stop having to go to them, yeah?” Nadia tried to tease, but, hell, she was serious. She didn’t want Luce to end up in the hospital anymore than she already did. A fucking heart attack? Now this? It was terrifying. And if they hadn’t been able to fix it, if Luce hadn’t gotten better and Nadia had never known… she’d already had one person she cared about leave her without a goodbye a long time ago. She didn’t want that again. She didn’t think she could do that again.

Nadia’s eyes widened at Luce’s confession. But she’d known that, hadn’t she? That this was becoming more than casual. It’d always been just a little more than casual for Nadia. She didn’t do casual, not that long and not for that many times. Hooking up with someone after a night at the club was casual. Chasing a serotonin high when you’d been losing track of days in college was casual. Continuing to sleep with someone several times and allowing yourself to let them see cracks in your exterior wasn’t very casual, and she’d tried so hard to fight that off. She’d tried not to let her own feelings get tangled with Luce’s, and she’d tried not to confuse the two, but they were the same, weren’t they? They’d grown into the same. “Fuck,” she breathed out, running a hand through her hair. “Not a, Jesus, not a bad fuck. Just. God, Luce, I’ve liked you for awhile. Like, awhile. And I tried not to let it ruin anything because I’ve had feelings that have ruined things, and sometimes I don’t even know what my own feelings are.” Most of the times, she was so fucking grateful that other people couldn’t feel what she felt, but there were times that she wished they could just so she wouldn’t be alone with the mess inside her head.

Moving closer until they were next to each other, facing each other, Nadia hesitated as she reached for Luce’s good hand. Hesitated, then took it gently. “I want you, too,” she murmured, her quiet voice loud. “God, I want you, too.” She gave Luce a smile, still a bit unsure. Knowing what they were both feeling didn’t mean anything unless they acted on it. “So what are we gonna do about that?”

Feeling nervous wasn’t something Luce was used to. Worrying about what someone else thought of her, wondering if they cared about her-- those were foreign feelings to her. But, as she waited for Nadia’s response, that unfamiliar sense of anxiety continued to churn in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been nervous like this. She didn’t care what people thought about her, but Nadia was different. Watching as the woman ran a hand through her hair, Luce cracked a slight smile. “Damn right I’m not a bad fuck.” She joked, but the teasing words stopped as she listened to the woman explain. The knot of uncertainty that had formed in her stomach seemed to vanish and instead… Luce couldn’t explain it any other way other than weightlessness. Elation, relief, and… fucking happiness. All of it washed over her, easing the nervous energy from her body. “Your feelings aren’t ruining anything. Not to me.” She nodded.

Luce let Nadia’s cool hand slip into her own, her body radiating warmth. Nadia wanted her too. They-- now that was a thought, they. Two people, together, because they each wanted one another. It was a good thought. And Luce hadn’t had very many of those lately. Luce blinked before nodding slowly. This was real. For once, there was something good and real, and it was her. “I… Actually didn’t think I’d get this far.” Luce laughed, glancing down at their interlaced hands, “I’ve never seriously dated anyone. But, I’d like to? Go on an actual date with you?”

The rush of Luce’s emotions mixing with her own could have made Nadia cry, it was such a relief. She didn’t remember the last time she felt happy in this way. Maybe that was because she’d never felt Luce happy in this way. It was Luce. Everything about this was Luce, and that’s what made it so wonderful. Even that dumb fucking sex joke. “You’re a pretty damn good one, actually.” God, she was happy. She was happy. And happiness couldn’t chase away all the bad. It wouldn’t make the nightmares go away forever, and it wouldn’t make her stop feeling like a piece of her was changed forever, but it made things better. Better was the new okay, and this was fucking better. It was better than she ever thought she’d get. “That’s good. That’s really good. I don’t wanna ruin anything with you.”

Nadia traced the shapes on Luce’s fingers. “I mean, to be fair, it did kind of take us forever to get this far.” Over a year. They’d been doing this for over a year. Granted, there were months when she wasn’t around, and there was time where they were dancing around each other and everything and the idea that this was nothing at all. It had never been nothing for Nadia. “Right, okay, dating. It’s… Been awhile, but I’d like that. I’d really like that.”

“You know it.” Luce said with a grin, her old smirk returning to her lips as she took in the other woman. There was something lighter to her, something happier to her. And it felt good, to know that she could still do that-- that she could make someone happy. That she could be the cause of something good. Even if she wasn’t entirely sure if she deserved it. “I don’t think you could.” She said, her joking grin shifting into a softer, tender smile. Luce let Nadia’s fingers glide over the backs of her hands, let her trace over the ink under her skin.

“It sure did. But, we got here?” Luce replied. They’d both gotten here. A bit worse for wear, a bit bruised and battered, but they were here. Together. God, she still couldn’t quite get over that word. Together. The nervousness inside her had dissipated but there was still something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. The weightlessness, the giddy happiness, both were there, but there was something else. Leaning in closer, Luce reached out with her free hand, her burned arm, and cupped the other woman’s face. “Then let’s give it a try.” She murmured before pressing her lips gently to Nadia’s. It was just a touch, just a simple embrace. One she’d done with countless other people countless times before. But with this kiss, Luce realized what the strange feeling within her felt like. It was the exhilaration of falling.

#wickedswriting #p: og #p: nadia diaz #//some soft content for yall

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iindulgentfantasies · 1 year ago

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The smile had no right to look as good as it did, lighting up his features and easing the hard look that she had typically associated with the man. It took a few years off of him. Not that the age difference was a problem. She had always been attracted to older men. He wasn't looking to force anything, wasn't demanding anything. She couldn't help the swell of respect and maybe even a hint of affection for him as the words washed over her and the implications of them were clear. A smile began to touch her lips. "Guess there isn't any harm in that," she agreed softly. It would be disrespectful to look elsewhere, a slap to his face and the agreement that had been made. "Let's see what we can make of it then." She didn't make a move first, wanting to see just what he would do and how he would begin things.

Brian knew this was a conversation they would need to have sooner rather than later. They had to find out about what they were and how they were going to go through their marriage life. Biting his lower lip, he looked into her eyes and took a big gulp at her. "We could try and work out what we are. And just see what we can have. At the least we could have some fun. What's the harm in that. " He responded to her with a charming smile.

#fxcdboys #m; nadia diaz #p; nadia & brian #t; nadia & brian 001

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divineluce · 4 years ago

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Nothing Left to Lose || Nadia & Luce

Timing: Late March 22nd, 2020

Location: The Vural House

Tagging: @humanmoodring & @divineluce

Description: Luce opens up to Nadia.

TW: Sibling death mentions

Letting out a long sigh, Luce stared down at her latest sketch, her fingertips blackened with charcoal dust. It was shit. She knew it was shit. Her heart wasn’t in it, she was drawing like she was going through the motions. Because she was. Grabbing the nub of charcoal she’d been using, Luce scribbled over the forest scene she’d been drawing and began to aimlessly draw. A circle, an oval, and then more lines appeared without her even thinking of it. Before she realized just what she was drawing, the image materialized before her-- Luce sucked in a harsh breath as she stared down at a ruined, melting eye staring up at her from a burning skull. Lydia. Always Lydia. She pressed her palm against the paper, willing the fire to come. She wanted to let the anger wash over her in the comforting way it always had, she wanted to watch the flames rise from her fingertips and spread across the paper. But nothing came. Not even a smoldering ember rose. And the ruined eye stared back at her.

The charm around her wrist buzzed and Luce flinched, heart practically jumping out of her skin. Her hand instinctively closed around one of the paper cutting knives on her desk, before her eyes darted to her phone. Shit, already? She’d lost track of time. Setting the knife back down, Luce flipped the paper over on her desk before heading to the front door, waving her hand over the charmed bracelet that Bea had given her long ago. Taki was sleeping in the middle of the hallway and she stepped over the large Ovenik before opening the door. That was when she realized that she’d opened it before Nadia even had a chance to knock. “Uh. Hey. I heard you coming up the driveway.” She lied. There were just some things that people didn’t need to know, and the protection spells around the house were one of those.

It was weird getting around without a cast on, but it made driving a stick shift way easier, so Nadia couldn’t complain. Her side still hurt like a bitch, and she hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep, but she no longer looked like one of the walking dead. Slowly but surely, she was healing. At least physically. She’d been running late on her way to Luce’s and had forgotten that she was, well, solid. Walking into the doorframe had hurt her pride more than her face, really, and she was just grateful that no one had actually witnessed her mistake except for one very judgemental cat. She headed to Luce’s before she could fuck up and run into anything again. The jump out of her truck reminded her why she didn’t jump much anymore, and she was covering up a wince as she walked to the door. One that was immediately hidden by the slight look of surprise as Luce opened the door. It was so nice to feel emotions again, to not feel alone, even if they were of the more negative variety. “Hey,” Nadia said. Luce felt like residual anger and surprise, and something extra. She was lying. What a strange thing to lie about. Nadia wasn’t one to ask, to pry, as she tried to force her focus inward. She knew Luce was there, could feel another person’s feelings so that her own weren’t cavernously bouncing about in her skull. That was enough. “You said you wanted to… talk, right?”

Luce took the other woman in, eyes flitting from her cast free arm to the bags under her eyes, the slightly drawn lines of her face. Nadia looked like she’d been through hell. Because she had been, Luce reminded herself. Nadia had been shoved from her body for… so fucking long, and she had no idea how much something like that would fuck up a person. The fact Nadia was even standing-- Luce did her best to quell the fresh pangs of guilt that hit her. Nope. No, she was here to explain herself and the baggage she’d carried with her the nights they’d spent together before everything had gone to shit and that bitch Cordelia had taken control. She wasn’t here to add more to Nadia’s plate. She owed Nadia an explanation. Just like she’d owed Remmy one. But, she hadn’t been able to explain things to them, had she? Not in any real kind of way. Not in the way that mattered. Realizing that she was still staring at Nadia, Luce’s default lazy grin slipped across her face. But, it didn’t come as easy as it once had. “Yeah, come on in. Watch out for the cat.” She said, opening the door and stepping over Taki. “He’s napping and if you step on his tail,” Luce gestured with her hand and made a “poof” sound, “He’ll light you up. He melted a lot of my sneakers when I was younger.” Luce headed into the kitchen-- it had been Bea’s space, before she’d left for New York. Their home was divided like that, into designated areas that belonged to each of them. Nell with her greenhouse, Bea with the kitchen, and her with… well, she had her shed. But she’d deferred the outdoors to Nell. And Bea wasn’t here to use it so, kitchen it was. “Want something to drink?”

Nadia knew that Luce was holding something back, that something was weighing on her. Something was always weighing on the other woman, really. She’d figured that out pretty quick. But Nadia was a coward about things like this, always afraid to talk about things that couldn’t be easily controlled, so she always went along with what Luce said as opposed to what she felt. It was easier that way. If they didn’t talk about it, there was less of a chance that Nadia would have to hear something that she didn’t want to, like ‘This isn’t working’ or ‘We shouldn’t hang out’ or ‘You’re impossibly clinging and your concern isn’t needed.’ Can’t be clinging if you do your damnedest to not show that you were attached, Nadia had taught herself that years ago. She had trouble with it, sometimes-- most times-- but it was still a lesson she knew. She returned Luce’s smile as well as she could before looking at the large cat sleeping near the doorway. “Fucking Christ,” she muttered. The cat made Rhiannon, who was pretty fucking big, look like a damn kitten. “Right, shit, okay.” She moved around the cat carefully; she didn’t have a better pair of boots right now. She followed Luce into the kitchen, looking around a bit at the house that three witch sisters had made their home. She looked back at Luce, curious but trying not to let it show. The other woman had asked her out there to talk, but she was stalling. Nadia wasn’t going to stop her. “Sure, I wouldn’t mind a glass of water.”

Grabbing a pair of glasses from the cupboard, Luce filled them up before sliding one across the clean white countertop to Nadia. She wanted to break out a glass of whiskey, honestly, but that… probably wasn’t the right tone to set with things. Nope. No, she just had to… get this shit off her chest. Because Nadia deserved answers, even if she hadn’t questioned why Luce carried so much emotional baggage. “So, uh,” She leaned against the kitchen island, hands wrapped around the glass. She stared at the water, imagining it bubble and froth under her fingers. But, it remained just as cool as ever. Fuck. “I know you’ve been through a lot of shit. And I just wanted to be straight with you about some stuff.” Be straight. What a fucking phrase. A hint of a grin played on Luce’s lips at her word choice, but she forced herself to focus. “So. Like you know, I didn’t realize you were empath when we first started hooking up. And I definitely brought a lot of fucked up emotional baggage into things because,” Luce rubbed the back of her neck, the velvet of her choker pressing against the palm of her skin, “I was going through a lot of shit. And I figured you deserved answers.”

Taking a deep breath, Luce steadied herself. Rip the bandaid, come clean. Explain. In a flat voice, she said, “Someone murdered my sister. And that fucked me up a lot. And I did a lot of really fucked up things to try and feel better about it. I used you. I used someone else I... really cared about.” She said, regret and guilt fresh in her mind at the way she’d treated Remmy. Swallowing, Luce nodded, “I just wanted to say I was sorry. For making you deal with my baggage. I didn’t realize you could feel how much I was hurting and it wasn’t-- I shouldn’t have done that.”

Nadia took a drink of water, waiting for Luce to start. But, when Luce mentioned not knowing that Nadia was an empath, she frowned. “Hey, of course you didn’t-- I didn’t tell you that I was an empath, right? How could you have known? It’s not like I carry around a sign that says ‘Control your emotions around me, please.’” She fidgeted a bit with the cup in her hand before running a hand through her hair, shaking her head. “I’m the one who should-- I should apologize, you know? Because I should’ve told you, and it’s not fair that I just know this shit. I try to turn it off. It’s not fair that I can pry into things.” She didn’t expect Luce to dive right into her sister getting fucking murdered. Nadia was flashed back to the overwhelming grief that she remembered Luce giving off, the incredible pain that the other woman had been in. “What?” she asked, eyes wide. “Your sister-- But they’re both-- How is that--” She blinked harshly. Again, grief. Grief and regret and guilt so thick that she didn’t just feel it but tasted it, too. Was she feeling herself or Luce? Did it matter? Nadia closed her eyes for a second and shook her head. “You don’t have to apologize. You don’t. You didn’t know, and you can’t just stop feeling things. That’s not how it works. You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“Still. Even if you weren’t an empath, just… using people like that, it wasn’t okay.” Luce said, thinking back to the nights she’d spent with Remmy, knowing full well how much they cared for her only for her to ignore it. And when she’d finally realized how much they mattered to her, she’d lost them. “You don’t need to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She said, shaking her head. Nadia had agreed to something casual-- just sex, just something physical. But Luce had been the one to bring her own fucked up feelings into things, not knowing that she wasn’t the only one stuck carrying the weight of them. “Even if you can turn it off, it still wasn’t right of me to do that.”

Luce had anticipated questions, but they hit harder than she’d expected. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d told someone what had happened, what she’d lost. What all three of them had lost, not just with Bea’s death but in the price that came with bringing her back. Lifting her hands to her neck, Luce unclasped her choker. The raised scar that ran along the left side of her neck stood out harsh and jagged under the warm glow of the kitchen lights. “We brought her back. But it cost… a lot.” It’d cost lives. She’d killed. And she’d kept on killing, fuelled by that rage and hate and belief that if she killed people before they could hurt her, then she could be safe. But it hadn’t kept Nell safe, not for very long. It had created an irreparable divide between her and Remmy. And fuck, she didn’t want to lose Nadia too. Which was a… wild thought. “I just wanted to explain. Because you deserve an explanation for what you’d felt. And to let you know that I’m not exactly the person I was before you… were forced out.” She said, the words feeling inadequate compared to just how much the other woman had suffered.

Nadia sighed. “No, it’s not, but the fact that you’re acknowledging that makes it better than half the shit that some people pull.” And it wasn’t like Luce was the only person to ever use others. Fuck, Nadia did it all the time when she was younger, when she needed to get out of her own head and just not feel something. There’s nothing better at helping you push your own feelings to the side than using somewhere else’s. Even if it left you feeling like shit the next morning. Nadia knew about that all too well. “I still should have told you when I found out. It wasn’t fair, not letting you know what you were getting into with someone that kind of knows what you’re feeling.” Nadia knew that Luce was in on the supernatural shit. She should have told her. But then, Luce probably wouldn’t have wanted to be around her, and, damn, she really didn’t like the sound of that. Especially since she couldn’t really turn it off, as much as she tried.

The scar on Luce’s neck made Nadia ache, like secondhand pain to go with secondhand feelings. She reached out and then dropped her hand to the side, jaw clenched. “Fuck,” she whispered. “You-- that could have killed you. You could have almost died.” She felt heavy, heavy and panicked. What the hell would she have done if Luce died? Would she even have known? She was out of her depths here, wasn’t she? In this world full of magic and ghosts and near death experiences lurking around every fucking corner. What the hell could she do? She didn’t know anything? “I’m-- Fuck. I’m glad she’s back. I’m really glad she’s back. You deserve to have your sister, but you could have-- God. You could have died.” She rubbed her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t deserve an explanation just because I could feel your emotions. Anyone with eyes could tell that you weren’t doing okay. If you tell me anything, it should be because you want to.” She looked at Luce, finally. “I’m not the same person, either.” She wasn’t the same person after the first time she’d been possessed, and then she’d been ripped out of her body, and now she was put back together, but was she really? She’d never be the same. None of them were ever the same.

Luce wasn’t sure if admitting to her fuck ups out of guilt made her better than anyone-- if she was any kind of good person, she wouldn’t have used Nadia and Remmy like that. If she was a good person, she wouldn’t have fucked with their feelings; literally, in Nadia’s case. Shrugging, she shook her head. “Nah. You’re entitled to keep your secrets. I know what it’s like, sort of.” She said, gesturing to herself. “Witch, remember?” Luce said, a slight hint of a sarcastic smile playing at the edge of her lips.

But, it vanished when she saw the expression on Nadia’s face, watched her fingers lift for a moment. Luce swallowed, eyes focusing on the marble of the countertop. The fractal scars that ran across her chest, marking where the lightning had flowed through her veins, they ached at the memory of that night. She pressed a hand against her collar bone, more to remind herself that her heart was still beating than anything else. “It’s alright.” It wasn’t alright. “I’m okay.” She wasn’t okay. As Nadia continued to speak, Luce blinked, surprised and startled by the other woman’s shaky tone. “I could have, but I didn’t. We did what we needed to do and I don’t regret that.” She said. And if there was some part of her that wondered if maybe she should have died, if the pain and death she’d brought into the world would have been stopped, she did her best to push those thoughts aside. She didn’t want Nadia to feel those. She didn’t even want to feel those. “I do. Want to tell you these things. Not just because you deserve answers, but,” Luce paused and shook her head, letting out a sigh as she did so. “I don’t know. I just wanted to tell you. I’ve fucked up a lot by not talking about things.” At the other woman’s admission, Luce glanced over at Nadia and saw she was looking back at her, their eyes meeting for a moment. “And that’s alright. I can't imagine someone going through that and just… popping out as the same person they used to be.”

“Exactly, you’re entitled to your secrets, too,” Nadia said. She gave Luce a slight smile. “It’s not a competition, and you can’t blame yourself for whatever I felt coming off of you. You’re allowed to feel things, even bad things, around me.” She didn’t quite know how to do this, talk about this. It was out of her comfort zone. Anything to do with her own feelings was out of Nadia’s comfort zone, and this whole situation wasn’t helping that. Luce had almost died. She’d almost died, and Nadia had almost died-- had technically been dead-- and everything was fucked, wasn’t it? Luce had almost died. That was kind of a big hang up for Nadia, at the moment. She swallowed tightly as Luce said she was okay, and Nadia wanted to contradict her, but she just wasn’t good at that, not here, not like this. “I’m glad you did what you had to, and I’m glad you saved your sister, and I’m, like, really, really glad you didn’t die.” And maybe if she wished that it could’ve gone any other way, if she wished that Luce hadn’t been hurt in the process, then the fact that she was just relieved that Luce was alive could maybe make up for it. “I want you to know that you can tell me things,” Nadia said quietly. And I want to tell you things, too, but I’m so fucking bad at it unless I just blurt it out and have to deal with the consequences. “You can tell me things.” She raised an eyebrow at the other woman. “And you lost your sister, almost died, and resurrected someone. I can’t imagine someone going through all of that and still being the same. It’s okay not to be.”

At Nadia’s words, Luce glanced down at the choker on the counter, the dark black fabric standing in stark contrast with the white countertop. Maybe she was allowed to feel like shit around Nadia, but that didn’t mean she should subject the other woman to her own baggage like that. Listening to the way Nadia’s voice quieted, the concern in her tone, Luce couldn’t help but reach out and gently squeeze the other woman’s hand with her own. Talking sucked, she’d never been good at it. But, if she could… reassure Nadia that she was still here, still standing, she wanted to do that. Rubbing her thumb against the back of the woman’s hand, Luce’s lips pressed together in a thin line as she weighed all the things she wanted to say. I’ve hurt people. I’ve killed them. I liked it. Until I didn’t, only because I lost someone I cared about because of the pain I’ve caused. She didn’t want to put that on Nadia, but… this was like Remmy all over again, wasn’t it? She hadn’t wanted to tell them anything going on in her mind, she’d hidden behind the flimsy excuse that they didn’t deserve more baggage in their life. But Remmy had wanted to know. And Nadia did too. “I’ve done some pretty fucked up things. I’ve hurt a lot of people. Done… worse than hurt them too. And I’m trying to be better than that,” She said, “But a part of me doesn’t regret what I did and I’m trying… to figure out what that means.” Luce eased her grasp on Nadia’s hand, enough that the woman could slip away if she wanted to. She could leave, if she wanted to.

Nadia couldn’t stop herself from squeezing Luce’s hand back. It was almost stupid how comforting holding someone’s hand could be, especially when it was warm. They just stood there, just for a moment, and the silence was deafening. Nadia could hear Luce. Not really; it wasn’t like she was speaking loudly, and it was quiet, whispered in the back of her head and dripping emotion like a faucet that someone forgot to shut off all the way. She got those, sometimes, words that weren’t hers and weren’t really words at all but spoken connections to the things she felt around her. She didn’t like to think about it; if it was what she thought, then it was another level of prying she didn’t want to consider. So she drowned it out. Truthfully, her thoughts were so loud these days that it wasn’t hard. And it was a lot easier when Luce spoke out loud again. Fucked up things. Fucked up things like killing people, maybe. Nadia took a deep breath and nodded her head a bit.

Where did Nadia draw the line, these days, when it came to fucked up things? Before, she’d been pretty pacifistic. There was always another answer besides murder, hadn’t she told someone that? Death was something that should be avoided. But then she’d settled in here, and she’d been totally unsettled from her life, and now she-- she was responsible for someone’s permanent removal from, well, everything. Cordelia was a shit person, but did she deserve that? Yes. Nadia wanted it. She had to deal with that every night. She removed her hand from Luce’s and moved it to the other woman’s neck instead, her hand lightly ghosting over the scar tissue. “Why did you do it?” she asked. “These fucked up things? Did you have a reason, or was it-- was it just to do it. Because I think there’s a difference.”

The sensation of Nadia’s skin against her own, her hand squeezing softly, it reminded Luce of the last time they’d spoken. But, the touches then had been cautious, tender gestures hidden behind a guise of helping Nadia with her wound. This? Now? It was… different. Real. And that was fucking scary. When the other woman pulled away, Luce swallowed, a lump forming in the back of her throat. She didn’t want to know. She’d chosen to-- but then, Nadia’s fingers were reaching out to skim across the skin of her neck. She could barely feel the sensation, but Luce let her do it all the same. No one had touched the scar that wrapped around her neck, no one. At Nadia’s question, Luce paused. “The first time was because… he stole my sister from me. He destroyed my family and we-- I had the chance to bring her back. And all it would cost me was the man who’d taken her. The second time was-- revenge. Bea wanted it, Nell wanted it, I wanted it too. We were all just so… angry.” Luce cleared her throat, shaking her head free of the memories of that night, when the Hunter had become the hunted. “The next time, I was scared. Scared of losing my sisters after I’d done so much to bring them back. I wanted to protect them.”

Luce paused, bridging her hands together and resting her chin on her hands. “And the last time. I don’t-- I want to say I was protecting people. I want to say that I was doing something right. Because she was a horrible person. She’d kept people trapped in a basement, she was using people, had been using people for so… so long. But I didn’t know that until after. I just knew she was dangerous and when someone,” Some kid, “convinced me that she was too dangerous to live. And I let myself believe them. I let them use me.” Luce bowed her head, forehead pressed against her hands now. “I don’t know if there’s a difference to those things.” It doesn’t change what I’ve done.

Nadia felt Luce’s turbulent emotions give way as she brushed her fingers over the scar before she moved her hand to rest against the other woman’s shoulder. She felt stable, grounded. She nodded her head. “I can understand the first time. That was-- It was a trade, his life for hers, right? And that kind of makes it worth it, if you can get something good from doing something like that.” She closed her eyes tightly. “And revenge, I-- I get revenge. Maybe not like that, but I get revenge.” Satisfaction over watching Cordelia fade, so potent that it drowned out any pain that she’d felt. It was pretty fucking powerful stuff because, Christ, Nadia had been in so much pain. “Fear, too.” As the conversation went on, it was getting harder for her to tell where her emotions stopped and Luce’s started, and she had to work on that, had to figure out whose anger was whose and whose satisfaction and whose guilt and whose pain, like untangling a ball of yarn that had been knotted over time. She needed to socialize more. This probably wouldn’t be so goddamn intense if she learned to control it better.

Opening her eyes to see that Luce had her head in her hands, Nadia gently tugged on the other woman’s chin. “Hey,” she said, her voice just as gentle. “She was a horrible person.” She knew that Luce believed this, could feel it. “And maybe that’s not an excuse for her to die, but I believe you when you say that she was a horrible person. And, like, the fucking guilt is kind of eating at you,” she said. “It’s not like you killed her and then decided not to think about it ever again. You don’t seem to be taking joy in it.” Nadia came to grinning. She stood in the middle of a convenient store looking down, something like pleasure and joy working it’s way through her system. There was a young man behind a cash register. He was dead. Nadia didn’t even have time to scream before she lost control again. She swallowed. This wasn’t about her. “I think there’s a difference.”

Feeling the way Nadia’s fingertips trailed from her neck one last time to press against her shoulder, it took everything in Luce not to lean into the touch. She didn’t want to put more of this on Nadia than she needed to, she didn’t want to test how much more the other woman could bear. And she wanted to be able to handle the rejection, the disgust and the fear that would come. But… it didn’t. Not in the way that Luce had thought. Nadia… understood? Maybe not on every level, but she could understand to a degree why Luce had done these things, why she’d killed. That was far more than Luce had expected.

Letting Nadia tilt her head up, Luce looked back up at her for a moment before averting her eyes. Luce wanted to protest, but then she heard the next words. The guilt was… fucking destroying her. She’d been-- for lack of a better word-- haunted by what she’d done that day. She still remembered the way that Lydia had begged for her life, she could still feel the spear in her hand as it pierced through flesh and bone. She still saw the blue flames consume the woman’s flesh when she closed her eyes. “Maybe not now. But I did, at one point.” She said, memories of tormenting Montgomery, making him writhe and burn on the ground. “And I’m not… I don’t want to be like that. Which is why I figured-- that I should tell you. Because this shit, my… issues, they’re fucked up.” I’m fucked up, was what she wanted to say, but that felt real fucking dramatic. “I’m... trying to figure out where the line in the sand is again. It’s just hard when you’ve crossed it so many times.”

“Now’s kind of what matters, Luce,” Nadia said, letting her eyes fall closed with the other woman’s. She didn’t move her hand, not wanting to pull away unless Luce pushed her. It felt grounding to just touch someone. She rarely felt this present, anymore. Sometimes, Rhiannon would jump on her chest and scare the hell out of her because she’s just been laying there, feeling like she was about to fall through the bed. This was real, this was tangible. “Now is what we live in. Before sucks. And, yeah, okay, you enjoyed it. You don’t still enjoy it. We would both still know if you enjoyed it.” For all of Nadia’s talk about living in the now, in the present, she… wasn’t very good at taking her own advice. But, then again, Nadia had never really taken her own advice. She knew a fucking ton about other people, but when it came to her own shit, she’d never quite figured out how to work through her own problems. But that wouldn’t stop her from trying to help Luce, everything else be damned.

With a nod, Nadia said, “I’m glad you told me. I’m-- you can tell me whatever, okay? Seriously, anything. I’m not going anywhere.” I couldn’t stand to lose you. I’d like to be around you in any way that I can. Thinking about you aches but in a good way. “I, uh, yeah. Yeah, I totally get fucked up shit. Maybe not in the same way, but I fucking get it.” She sighed. “Nothing’s simple, not really. I used to think that everything was super black and white, but, fuck, that was years ago, actual years ago.” Back when she was frustrated by everything and felt like every lie she was ever told, every lie that she knew was a lie, was a slight against her. Back when she thought that justice was real and ghosts weren’t, when fairytales were just fascinating stories and the only thing that could hurt her was cruel actions and crueller words. “Then you find where you want to put your line, what you will or won’t do, and, if you cross it, figure out why before the guilt kills you.”

When Nadia’s hand remained where it was, Luce reached up and pressed her hand against the others, threading their fingers gently together. She wanted her to stay. She didn’t deserve it, didn’t think Nadia should have to deal with her shit. But that mentality-- among all the other mistakes she’d made-- was part of what had cost her Remmy. And she didn’t want to lose Nadia too. “Yeah. Now’s what matters.” Luce echoed. The past was… going to stay with her. The knowledge of just how far she would go, of how terrible she could be? That knowledge was a burden that she would carry for the rest of her life. And maybe she could atone for it. Maybe she could be more than the sum of her parts. She hoped that she could.

Luce lowered their intertwined hands to the counter, squeezing lightly as the woman spoke. “Thanks. And that goes for you too. Shit. I’ve been… I know I said I wanted to talk, but I didn’t… You’ve been through so much too. You can talk to me about it. I’ll be here.” She said with a nod. She’d be here, as long as Nadia wanted her. She still couldn’t help but wonder if she could have helped Nadia escape sooner if she hadn’t been such a fucking coward. And a part of her knew she’d never shake that thought. But, she wanted to be there for Nadia now. While she could. While they were both here. “Yeah. It’d be nice if things were like that.” She sighed, looking down at the black trails of ink under her skin, all neat lines and crisp edges. All of her art was black and white, clear cut and straight forward, while the world around her operated in shades of grey. “Mhm.” She nodded before glancing back up at Nadia. “I…” I’m sorry. I wish I could have saved you. I don’t want to lose you again. I’ve never known how to tell people the things I’ve said to you and that’s scary. I’m so fucking scared of you and for you and of what that means. Her eyes flicked to the clock and she let out a soft curse in Turkish. Time had gotten away from her. It’d been doing that, lately. “It’s, it’s kinda late to be driving. Did you-- you can stay, if you want.” Please still want to. Please still want me.

It would never stop being comforting, Nadia thought, the warmth of Luce’s hand in hers. And maybe it was just that she was fucking touch starved, that she was desperate for any sort of contact. But she didn’t really think that was the case. She liked Luce, way more than she should, way more than felt safe, sometimes, seeing as where they’d started, the boundaries put in place. Because Nadia was an idiot with things like this. She’d allowed this… whatever it was to keep going, and she’d genuinely started caring about Luce, and now she couldn’t stop. It was one of those big fears, up there losing herself again. She was scared of coming off as clingy, had been called that one too many times before, didn’t want to go through that again. But she couldn’t really help it as she rubbed her thumb against Luce’s hands. She craved warmth like a cat seeking out a patch of sunlight. She knew this. It was damning.

“I know,” Nadia said, giving Luce a sad smile. “I swear, as soon as I figure out what the hell to even talk about, I’ll tell you, if you want, okay?” Because where the hell to even begin about all of this, right? Hey, so, I’m not really sleeping, which is saying something because I didn’t sleep much before, but I’m so goddamn tired, and I still feel like she’s there, hanging out in the back of my head even though I watched them destroy her, and I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what I did, and my guilt’s killing me, too, you just can’t feel it like I feel yours. That was a lot to unpack. That was a lot to say. Nadia didn’t know how to get those words. “God, I’d love for something to be simple,” she murmured, more to herself than to Luce. She was startled a bit by Luce bringing up the time, looking out the window and seeing that it was late. Which, yeah, she could drive back. She was a big girl. So she said, “I want, yeah, actually. I’d, uh, really like that.”

The way Nadia looked at her, the way her hand pressed against her own-- Luce swallowed, trying to keep her emotions in check. But, that expression on her face… hurt. Nadia had been through so much. She’d been through so much in the last year alone, not to mention everything in her past. She’d been possessed, exorcised, possessed, exorcised-- that kind of trauma, it couldn’t be easy to deal with. It was a burden that Luce couldn’t fathom. In the same way she could never understand what Remmy had lost, what Bea had lost; there were so many things that she couldn’t understand. But she wanted to try. She wanted to try and-- help. For once in her life, she wanted to do something good for someone other than herself. She wanted to be someone the people around her deserved. A good sister. A good person. A good… whatever she was to Nadia. “I’ll always listen.” She said with a nod before tugging Nadia’s hand. “Yeah, yeah. Sounds good. C’mon.” She said and tugged gently at Nadia’s hand, leading her back to her room.

After they’d settled down in bed, Luce pushed back a lock of Nadia’s hair from her face, eyes cautious even as she stared at the other woman. Words, unspoken, remained in the back of her mind. I’m glad you’re here. I wish I could have done more. I wanted to be there for you, I want to be here for you now. I want to be someone you can rely on. Someone worthy of… anything. Of you. Of this. Those were all the things she wanted to say. Instead, Luce offered a crooked smile. Ignoring the way her heart seemed to stutter-step in her chest, she leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss against Nadia’s temple. “Night.”

#p: nltl #p: nadia diaz #chatzy #wickedswriting #//luce? opening up? in my chatzy? Its more likely than you'd expect

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divineluce · 4 years ago

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Fuck Your Feelings || Nadia & Luce

Location: Nadia’s Apartment

Tagging: @humanmoodring & @divineluce

Timing: Backdated to May 31st, 2020

Description: Who needs feelings anyways?

Walking up to Nadia’s apartment, bottle of Hennessy in her hands, Luce caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of a window pane. Despite the summer weather, she’d worn her jacket to hide the bruises and scratches that covered her tattooed arms. She’d attempted to try and cover up the large welt on her jaw with make up, but had given up when her face started to look like she had a growth instead. As shit as she looked and as emotionally exhausted as she felt, she could hide it. She could do that. It was just sex, it was just a hook up. She could make up some excuse about having to be in the shop early the next day, about having to bounce because of… whatever. Anything. It didn’t matter. As she knocked on Nadia’s door, she attempted to school her downtrodden features into something more normal. A cocky half smile, the same she’d given to girls many, many times over. Her eyebrows arched in a teasing, flirtatious way. Letting out a small sigh, she nodded to herself. Maybe a hook up would be good for her. The beating she’d taken in the woods with Adam had left her raw, with no way to escape her emotions. Maybe sex would help her forget them for a bit. “Hey, Nadia.” She said, hoping her roguish grin hadn’t slipped.

After spending the last hour and a half staring at nothing, the sound of the knock on her door jolted Nadia. Her hearing was still a little fucked, not as bad as it’d been but still ringing a little but not as bad as it’d been. It’d probably fade by tomorrow since it hadn’t really faded today. Or maybe she was just imagining it. She’d been trying to process what the fuck had happened with her, Regan, Kaden, and Anita over her third glass of wine. It was good wine, she was sure; she’d been saving it for a special occasion since Evelyn had gotten it for her when she moved in. Living, she’d decided when she’d stumbled into her apartment, was a special occasion. She’d opened the door for Luce, her smile dying a bit as the other woman’s emotions poured over her. Pain, anger, an overwhelming sadness that would’ve brought Nadia to her knees if she wasn’t already leaning against the doorframe for support. She tried to cover it up by ducking her head and putting her hand over her eyes, trying to blink back tears. “Uh, hey, hi, sorry. I kind of already started drinking. Long day,” she added, unsure of what to say. This wasn’t what she was expecting. “Uh, how are you?”

When Nadia opened the door, Luce watched the way the smile slipped from her face just a little as she looked at her. Did she really look as broken as she felt? Was it that easy to tell? As the woman avoided her gaze, Luce shifted uneasily in the doorway. She’d fucked up already. “No problem, there’s nothing wrong with getting started early.” She said, keeping her voice nice and neutral in an attempt to disguise some of her guilt. How had she fucked this up so quickly? Swallowing, Luce jerked a thumb over her shoulder. Ignoring the question, she offered Nadia one of her own, “Are you okay?” She asked. She didn’t want to try and even attempt to answer that question. How was she? She didn’t know. Lost. Broken. Numb. Very, very numb. There was no good way to truthfully answer “how are you?” when you’d just lost a part of your soul.

“It’s been a start early kind of day,” Nadia murmured. “Here, uh.” She moved a bit, allowing Luce to come into the apartment. Trying to ignore Luce’s feelings and the welling panic they were causing, she looked at the Hennessy in the other woman’s hands. “Is it a start early kind of day for you, too?” She went over to her cabinet and got out another wine glass and, as an afterthought, two more regular glasses. She moved to the living room, setting everything on the coffee table. “Me? I’m fine, totally fine.” Her ears were still ringing a bit. “Weird day. Days. I’m probably not getting salt anymore?” Probably. Who the hell knew, really? “But, uh, you? You good?” She already could guess the answer to that, probably didn’t really want the answer to that, but she needed to ask. Luce had been there for her the last time. Nadia could more than return the favor. And, from the way the other woman’s emotions seemed to be brimming just under the surface, even though she appeared to be attempting to ignore them, Nadia could tell she needed it.

“You know, I feel that.” Luce nodded. A start early kind of week more like. She’d tried to drown so much of her pain in alcohol this week and, while it had helped in the moment, it never did more than that. The pain always came back in the morning. The memory of losing Bea never faded. Even after everything Adam had done to help her, it had only made the sadness more real. More apparent. Because though her debt of pain had been paid, she was still left with sorrow. Following Nadia into the apartment, Luce idly scratched Rhiannon behind the ear as she took a seat next to it on the couch. “No more salt, huh? Well, no wonder you’re getting started early. That’s definitely something to be celebrated.” She said with another slightly forced grin. “Yeah. I’m good. Just been busy.” Luce nodded before picking up the wine glass that Nadia had brought and filled it with an appropriate amount of wine. “Mm. Very fancy. Someone’s got expensive taste.” She said, looking at the label before taking a sip. The complexity of the wine was lost to her-- all she cared about was the bite of alcohol.

Tilting back what was left of her glass, Nadia finished it quickly before she poured herself another one. At this rate, she was going to finish most of the bottle before Luce even finished her glass. She sat on the other side of the couch, putting her feet under her and trying to relax a bit. She couldn’t not focus on Luce’s feelings. She wished, not for the first times, that she could read animals, knowing that Rhiannon’s general contempt and disdain would probably be more pleasant, more understanding, than the emotions simmering under Luce’s surface. The only other option for Nadia would be to try and focus on herself, and that wasn’t an option at all. To focus on her own feelings, about what happened at the warehouse, about everything, really, was never her strong suit. “No more salt. Hopefully.” If demons upheld their contracts, then definitely, but she didn’t want to think about the cost of it. “Yeah? Busy’s nice.” Depending on the kind of busy. If Luce didn’t want to talk about it, Nadia wasn’t going to force her. She knew what this was, at least. If she could attempt to make Luce feel better, then she would just deal with the other woman’s emotions. Even if they made her head pound and her heart heavy. She took a long drink. “It was a gift from a friend. I think it’s pretty good, but, like, at this point I’m not really tasting it.” Kind of a bit of a waste of Evelyn’s nice alcohol, but it was fine.

Watching the way Nadia threw back the glass, Luce took a longer, deeper drink of her own. “Fingers crossed that you managed to get that taken care of for good. Satan can take his salt back and shove it where the sun don’t shine, right?” She laughed before taking another drink. The wine was good, she knew that much about it. But, it really didn’t have much appeal to her. Even in the best of times, she wasn’t a wine girl. Beer or whiskey, those were her preferred forms of alcohol. But, as of late, her preferences had shifted to quantity over quality. Or type. “It is and it isn’t.” She said with a shrug, leaning back on the couch to run her fingers lightly across Nadia’s arm, “Means I don’t get to spend as much time doing the things I like.” She said with a wink. The gesture really didn’t mean anything to her, but it was easy. Even if her mind was elsewhere, her body could still go through the motions. And, at least with Nadia, the sex had been good last time. “It’s a hell of a gift. Mhm, that’s fair.” She said as she topped off her own glass, the wine bottle more than halfway empty now between the two of them. “What’s, uh… been on your mind?” She asked. Listening, it was one of the things she missed about working. She’d been stuck in her head for the last week, with nothing but her own thoughts and feelings. Hearing about other people’s lives… maybe it would help? Help distract her from the sadness?

“If deals with devils can be trusted, then I should be done with salt for good,” Nadia said. God, what a fucking weird time that’d been. Thinking about it, she hoped Regan didn’t scream again while Luce was over. That’d be awkward to explain, for one, and also really shitty, especially if it was a loud one and shattered their fucking glasses. Wine would get everywhere, the wine bottle itself would probably explode, the bottle of Hennesy would explode, it’d just be a mess. She didn’t have time for that, really. She grinned a bit at Luce’s wink, the feel of her warm hand on Nadia’s arm, but it was kind of hard not to be distracted by the other woman’s feelings. She wasn’t used to this, was rarely so close to the people around her. She didn’t know if proximity had anything to do with her powers, but Luce’s feelings felt loud. Like that was a fucking thing or something. Maybe her abilities were trying to overcompensate for the slight ringing in her ears. Maybe she was just learning to use them better. She didn’t fucking know. It was easier to focus on the wine. “She’s, uh, a hell of a friend. Does shit like this sometimes, the gifts. All the time, really.” Nadia didn’t know what to think of the gifts, like the wine or the dress or even the soft blankets that littered the couch. What did she know what to think about. “Uh, my mind? Just this weird subscription shit, I guess. Talking through some things with my boss. What about you? You seem,” sad, angry, devastated, “different?”

“In that case,” Luce held out her glass to clink with Nadia’s, “Here’s to deals with the devil, hm?” She said with a nod. She could do this. Blithe, mundane, silly chatter. It was easy. She could do that and then, when the moment was right, maybe the two of them could put the small talk behind them and just feel instead. Maybe that would help too. Who knew anymore? She hadn’t thought that getting beat up in the woods by a frat boy and nearly starting a wildfire would help her. But, the physical and mental exhaustion had laid her emotions bare and now she was left without her walls and her barricades. All that remained was raw emotion. “Really? Sounds like a good friend to keep around, if only for the free shit.” She said with a grin. But, the smile faded slightly when Nadia turned the question back to her. “Different? If this is about my face, trust me, you should see the other guy.” She said, waving the bruise on her jaw off with an off-hand gesture. All the while, a slight pang of guilt ran through her. Adam hadn’t deserved to get beat up just because she couldn’t handle her grief. “He didn’t know what he got himself into.”

“Cheers,” Nadia murmured, finishing her drink. She was more than feeling the alcohol by this point, but she went ahead and poured herself another glass and topped Luce off. Maybe that’d help with how loud everything was. Though, in hindsight, it was probably making it worse. Nadia’d always been the most receptive to feeling other people’s emotions when she had a few in her. Even before she knew that she was an empath, she’d make a game out of it, reading people’s emotions and guessing their life stories. It’d been fun and stupid, really, but it’d made her friend happy, back then. But Brooke was gone. “She’s a good friend, yeah. The gifts kind of, like, I don’t know what to do about them, you know? I’m not used to expensive things.” It was nice, though, in a way. She looked at the bruise on Luce’s jaw, only just noticing it. She felt like an idiot that it wasn’t the first thing she saw when the other woman walked in, but she’d been too focused on her emotions. Nadia almost reached out and touched it, but she decided against it. “Can’t imagine the other guy being much worse,” she said quietly, Luce’s grief nearly overwhelming. She set down her wine glass. “Do you want to talk about it?”

With the wine bottle nearly empty, Luce glanced over at the bottle of Hennessy on the table-- looks like it was a good thing she brought it. But, maybe it was better to hold off on it. She could feel the wine starting to hit her already, no doubt due to the fact she hadn’t eaten in… Luce blinked. Huh. When had she last eaten? She honestly couldn’t remember. Eating meant going into the kitchen and going into the kitchen meant… Nope, she wasn’t going to think about that. Dinner was gonna be grapes. Taking another drink from her glass, Luce raised an eyebrow, “Really? That’s fair. Not everyone likes those kind of things.” She said with a nod. Growing up in her home, there had always been some amount of luxury to their house-- small things, useful things, but it was clear that the Vurals had money and money to spare. That’s what a gig at Vegas did for you, after all. Watching Nadia start to move, but reconsider her actions, Luce shrugged. “You can touch it. It doesn’t hurt.” She said, the lie easy and calm. “Not much to talk about. A guy and I got into a fight. We beat each other up.” And then I set fire to the woods and cried in his arms. “And then we called everything square. Pretty simple.”

Nadia liked to think she had a pretty high alcohol tolerance, but she was starting to feel a bit wine drunk. Which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, and at least it was with good wine, but she was feeling… feeling. Bars were better for this kind of things. Lots of people to focus on was sometimes a good thing and sometimes a bad thing, depending on the people, but being alone in a room with the chick who you were sleeping with but also kind of considered a friend was insanely difficult. She was having a hard time focusing. “It’s-- I’m not-- The gifts are weird. Nice, but weird.” She couldn’t say that she didn’t like them, but she didn’t know how to return the gesture. What do you get someone who has everything. She shook her head against the thought and Luce’s words. Still, she reached out again, her fingers barely ghosting Luce’s jaw. “You’re lying,” she said quietly, simply. Luce was lying, it was night, and Nadia was a little tipsy. These were all facts.

The other woman’s fingers were light against her skin, brushing against her jaw. Luce couldn’t help the slight sense of disappointment that the touch wasn’t stronger, that she didn’t press against her. But, it was alright. She was alright. This was alright. Right? But, her attempts to reassure herself that everything went out the door at Nadia’s words. “Lying? What would I be lying about?” She asked with a laugh, though the sound had more startled shock to it than humor. “It was just a fight. Not a big deal.” It was just a hunter, egging her on to beat the shit out of him, so that she could… deal with all her feelings. Just a stupid frat bro jock who… somehow, knew what she’d needed. She’d needed to make someone else hurt the way she wanted to hurt the person who’d destroyed her family. And she’d needed to atone for her own failings. Her own failures. Taking a long pull from her wine glass, she looked at Nadia and cast her a crooked grin. “Besides, I can think of a better kind of lying we can do.”

“I don’t know what you’re lying about,” Nadia muttered. That was the problem with emotions. She could feel another person’s sadness and grief all day long, but it was impossible to really tell what was causing it. Not unless she was told. The fight most likely wasn’t a big deal, even though Luce was hurt. Nadia couldn’t really say anything about that, seeing as how she spent most of her time injured rather than not, these days. Her injuries, though, weren’t the cause of fights so much as trying to survive. She didn’t know why Luce was fighting, why she was lying, but Nadia knew it had something to do with her grief. The other woman’s smile was charming, though, even if it did little to quell Nadia’s unease. Of course, that’s what Luce came over for, right? This wasn’t about talking or anything like that. It was about sex. Which Nadia could do. It definitely seemed to be what Luce wanted. Nadia just needed to put aside all of the muddled feelings in her head. She shifted a bit closer. “Yeah?” she asked.

Luce hadn’t expected an answer from Nadia when she’d asked-- she’d just assumed that the woman was making a guess, as some kind of gesture to get the truth from her. She’d done that sort of thing plenty of times at work, saying things that would get people to talk to her in some real kind of way. But, the way Nadia said those words, it was almost like… she knew for a fact that Luce was lying. Finishing the last of her wine, she set the glass carefully on the coffee table before looking at Nadia. “What I may or may not be lying about really doesn’t matter.” Not here, not now, at least. She could worry about Bea’s death later, she could worry about the implications of what her ghost wanted them to do later. “Mhm, yeah,” Luce said with a grin before leaning in to kiss Nadia deeply. The feeling of the other woman’s slightly cooler lips against her own was enough to push some of the emotions away. Her mind latched onto that sensation and the growing sense of lust that came with it, “It involves you, me, and either right here on the couch or your bed. Your call.” She said as she moved to kiss the Nadia’s neck.

There was a part of Nadia that wanted to ask. She was sure that whatever was bothering Luce did actually matter, despite what the other woman said. She was feeling so much that it was dizzying. Honestly, Nadia didn’t know how she was handling it. She’d never be able to handle this kind of shit. Other people’s emotions were bad enough. She didn’t think she could bear her own if they were like that. She knew it, actually. That was probably one of the main reasons she was here instead of in Phoenix. She knew, though, that asking, digging in and trying to figure things out, wasn’t what Luce wanted. It might not even be what she needed, in the state she was in. Nadia’d never felt the other woman’s emotions like this, raw and practically bleeding. If she could be a distraction from that, then fine. Nadia would be the best damn distraction that she could be. “Alright…” she said, unsurely, but she gave in when Luce kissed her, the emotions fading to the background as she allowed the physicality of the situation to take over. She threaded her fingers through Luce’s hair, bringing the other woman closer. God, she was so warm. That was what Nadia liked best about this arrangement. The sex was nice. The warmth was better. It reminded her that she was alive and breathing and in control of herself, if nothing else. She tugged Luce to her feet and began walking them towards the bedroom. “Bed. Now.”

Feeling Nadia’s fingers in her hair, the sensation of her lips against her own-- Luce focused on that, hoping to lose herself into the feeling. And, for the most part, it helped. The way she pulled her closer, the way she could feel Nadia press against her. It pushed the grief to the edges of her mind. For a moment, she could stop thinking about the past and focus on the beautiful woman before her. For a moment, she could lose herself to sensation. Letting the other woman pull her up off the couch, Luce followed her into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. For a moment, she could forget.

#p: nadia diaz #p: fyf #wickedswriting

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