#p sure i already wrote something like this but its a good reminder

[eddieandbird]

Eddie loves you effortlessly

[aoitrinity]

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it. 

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in. 

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length. 

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages. 

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money. 

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments. 

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve. 

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

[blu-joons]

DATING NCT A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Mark Lee

A ⇴ AFFECTION 

His favourite kind of affection was when you’d have your hands in his hair. He loved to feel your hands brush though his soft locks and pull him a little bit closer whenever you needed him to be right there for you.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING 

When the two of you first met, Mark was very awkward, he didn’t have the slightest clue of what he wanted to say to you. He could barely string a sentence together until one of the members called him out to start with at least a hello and introduce himself, and from there, you loved to tease him about it ever since.  

C ⇴ CONFESSION 

It didn’t take Mark long at all to know that you were the one that he wanted. He was far too shy to confess in person, so he sent you a demo of a song that he would have written just for you, leaving it until the very last minute to let you know how he felt. When he saw your name flash up on his phone he panicked, only to see that you’d text him and begged him to let you in and get you out of the cold to be with him.

D ⇴ DATES 

You knew just how dedicated Mark was to his work, so you’d often end up surprising him on those late nights with dates set up in the studio for you. You also knew that Mark was a terrible cook, so as long as you showed up with a bag of takeout in hand, then you were going to be safe for the night. He’d spend all night long telling you about his projects, whilst he always worried that you’d think he was bragging, all you see was a hard working and passionate guy who loved his job, and you.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE 

Mark had seen plenty of other people in love, but never himself before. He always had an idea of the type of boyfriend he’d be, and whilst he was the first to admit that he wasn’t perfect, he was determined in making his first experience of love his last too. He wanted to always be the one that would be there for you from the moment that he met you, just as long as you were willing to help him learn along the way. Day by day, he knew he was getting better at being a boyfriend, and that was all that mattered to him.

F ⇴ FIGHTING 

Neither of you were fond of arguments, but you were human too, and appreciated that they were just a part of being in a relationship. Whenever the two of you argued, one of you would always walk away before things got too bad, you were both very good at minding your tempers. Usually, after an hour or two the person who walked out would return so that the two of you could talk things through with each other and nip the problem in the bud before it became too big a hurdle for you to jump over. Major arguments were definitely a problem when the two of you were already so shy.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY 

He often joked about his family got in contact with him a lot more since you’d came into his life. He loved to tease you and let you know that you were the favourite in his family’s eyes because they got in with you so well and always asked after you whenever Mark was on a call by himself.

H ⇴ HOME 

Rooming with a manager definitely had its perks for Mark, he always gave the two of you space you needed in the dorm. Therefore he was a little reluctant to move out of the dorms and in with you, he wanted to wait a little while and see the direction his career took first, and also make sure his other members were alright.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU” 

He was the first one to say, “I love you,” when you surprised him with a Canadian Day after you heard him talking about how much he missed home. Seeing the effort that you went to in order to put a smile back on his face meant the absolute world to him, and he couldn’t repay the favour in any other way then finally letting you know that he loved you.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY 

Mark tended to doubt himself a lot, which would lead to a bit of jealousy at times. You’d often have to reassure him not to get jealous of anyone, you loved talking to people, but if you ever left his side at an event then he’d definitely begin to worry. No matter how many times you told him not to get jealous, you knew that he’d never a listen. It was a feeling that he just couldn’t get rid of, no matter how hard he wanted to. He knew he never really had a reason to get jealous, but that didn’t stop him feeling the way that he did.

K ⇴ KIDS 

If there was one thing Mark definitely saw in his future, it was kids. He very much had an ideal plan of what his life would like in years to come, he’d even picked out the perfect age to start a family. Whilst he never told you about his future plans, just in case he pressurised you, you were very much aware of just how valuable and important having a family was to him and how keen he was to start one in the future with you.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER 

One of the biggest things that Mark worried about was whether he could make you laugh or not. Any time that he didn’t see you at least with a small smile on your face would worry him. He worked hard at everything that he did, and that included making you happy. To cheer you up, he’d often search up things to do that would put the smile back on your face, and do a lot of research into your favourite cheesy jokes that he knew would get a reaction out of you each and every time. It was one thing he always made sure to do every day, knowing that if you ever had a bad day when you were around him then he’d never forgive himself.

M ⇴ MISSING 

Having spent so many years away from home, Mark never thought he’d experience the feeling of homesickness again, until you came along. He was never afraid to admit when he was struggling, but sometimes he’d forget about you in it all. There would be days sometimes when you just wouldn’t here from him because Mark didn’t know the right things to say to feel better. It’d only be when you’d message one of his members and ask them what was going on that he’d get the kick he needed to message you and sort himself out too. He still never knew the right things to say, but his members wouldn’t let him go until he said something.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES 

He often called you “sweet,” because you reminded him like the maple syrup at. You were adorable and cute, and reminded him exactly of the sweet tooth he had whenever he had maple syrup from back home.

O ⇴ OBSESSION 

Mark was obsessed with your hair, he loved to have his hands in it almost as much as he loved to feel yours messed in with his. Playing with your hair was always comforting for him.

P ⇴ PDA 

Subtle gestures were how Mark would often be affectionate in public with you. When he walked past you, he would usually kiss your cheek, or if you appeared beside him suddenly his hand would rest against your shoulder or arm just to remind himself that you were back by his side and safe.  

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS 

He would love to ask your opinion on nearly anything he did. Having your approval on anything was a huge bonus to him, but if something didn’t quite hit the spot for you, he’d refuse to let it go until you’d told him exactly where you thought he could improve or do better next time.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS 

For any occasion that the two of you celebrated, Mark would write a song for you. You knew that he loved to compose anyway, and anything that he came up with was something that you adored, but it was the pieces he wrote just for the two of you that held the biggest place in your heart. To see the effort he went to in order to find the perfect lyrics meant the world to you, and of course, he delivered each and every time.

S ⇴ SEX 

There were definitely times when things would get awkward for you both, and neither of you could do nothing more than laugh. For the best part, he would be a complete romantic, but then that shy side of Mark that you’d grown to adore would often make an appearance. You loved how caring he was during intimacy, even if he did end up making a bit of a fool of himself, just knowing you were happy was more than enough for him.

T ⇴ TEXTS 

He was definitely someone who would text, usually to let you know if something was up. You’d often end a shift to see a text from Mark to let you know that he’d be working late that night and to make sure you didn’t wait up for him.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE 

The two of you complimented each other very well, you shared a lot of traits which meant that you were able to be incredibly understanding and supportive of each other which was all that Mark ever really wanted.  

V ⇴ VACATION 

As the two of you didn’t end up finding the time to travel often, Mark would always fly your family, or his, maybe sometimes even both, in to visit the two of you instead. He knew your breaks were to spent with your families, regardless of where the two of you were in the world, just having them there with you is enough.

W ⇴ WHINING 

Mark wanted to be the perfect boyfriend, so if something didn’t quite go his way then he’d definitely whine and make his frustrations clear.

X ⇴ XXXXX 

He’d often find himself planting kisses against your skin, especially when you were nice and close. With your hands in his hair, there was no greater feeling for Mark then when you’d tug at him gently and pull him closer towards you so that you could press a soft kiss to his lips. A nervous giggle would always come after it, your kisses often left him feeling shy, but it was by far one of the things that you loved the most about him.

Y ⇴ YOU 

You were his biggest fan who supported him no matter what.

Z ⇴ ZZZ 

The two of you would always fall asleep close together. You’d often feel Mark’s hand tap against your skin as he came up with little melodies or ditties whilst he drifted off to sleep, using you as his instrument.

---

Masterlist

[naalbinder]

phoebe bridgers // elliott smith parallels

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4BEfu6YZ7XbdHFZBXthIpN?si=6bf8fc460eba4d33

E - Riot Coming - “Sat down in jail with this friend of mine/Who'd never close both his eyes/But one was shut all the time/To cover the thing he was scared of”

E - Stupidity Tries “To sail across the sea of trash”

E - Going nowhere - “The old records are sitting on the floor/The ones I can’t put on anymore”

E - Clementine - “Anything to pass the time/And keep that song out of your mind”

P - Smoke Signals - “One of your eyes is always half-shut/Something happened when you were a kid” - “burning trash out on the beach” - “You said that song'll creep you out until you're dead”

E - Miss Misery - (music videos on the same street)

E - Easy way out - “While I watch you making mistakes/I wish you luck I really do” “I heard you found another audience to bore”

E - Looking Over My Shoulder - “Another sick rock ‘n’ roller acting like a dick”

E - Placeholder - “I'm the person you'll never need/The biggest loser on sixteenth street” - “Just like my favourite song/Some pretty words that didn't last that long”

P - Motion Sickness - “I'll be glad that I made it out/And sorry that it all went down like it did” “You said when you met me, you were bored” - “Hey, why do you sing with an English accent?/I guess it's too late to change it now”

E - Some Song - “Help me kill my time cause I'll never be fine”

P - Funeral - “Jesus Christ i'm so blue all the time/And that's just how i feel/Always have and i always will ”

E - Bled White - “Happy and sad come in quick succession/I’m never going to become what you became”

P - Demi Moore - “I got a good feeling/It doesn't happen very often”

E - St Ides Heaven - “With an open container from 7/11”

E - A Fond Farewell - “A fond farewell to a friend”

P - Scott Street - “With an open heart, open container” - “Anyway, don’t be a stranger / don’t be a stranger”

E - Last Call - “And I think I’m all done, you can switch me off safely/While i’m lying here for sleep to overtake me”

E - Roman Candle - “I’m a roman candle/My head is full of flames ”

P - Killer - “But when I’m sick and tired/And when my mind is barely there/When a machine keeps me alive/And I’m losing all my hair/I hope you kiss my rotten head/And pull the plug” - “Tame the fire in you”

E - Georgia Georgia

P - Georgia - “Georgia, Georgia, I love your son”

E - Twilight - “That you are already somebody’s baby”

E - See you later - “Made out of a night train”

E - King’s Crossing - “Instruments shine on a silver tray”

P - Chelsea - “You are somebody’s baby” - “For a chemical imbalance/You sure know how to ride a train” - “With a needle on a tray”

E - Christian Brothers - “No bad dream fucker's gonna boss me around/Christian brothers gonna take him down”

P - Would you rather - “Quarantined in a bad dream/He's half the man and you're twice as tall”

E - Son of Sam - “Son of Sam, son of a doctors love a nurses touch/Acting under orders from above”

P - You Missed My Heart - “A feeling of relief came over my soul/I couldn't take it any longer, and I lost control”

E - Bye - (instrumental)

E - New Monkey (Instrumental)

P - DVD Menu - (instrumental)

E - Coming up roses - “And you're coming up roses everywhere you go/Red roses follow”

E - Rose Parade - “Said, Won't you follow me down to the Rose Parade?”

P - Garden Song “They're gluing roses on a flatbed/You should see it, I mean thousands”

E - Condor Ave - “I don’t know what to do with your clothes or your letters”

E - Baby Britain - “Fights problems with bigger problems/Sees the ocean fall and rise/Counts the waves that somehow didn’t hit her/Water pouring from her eyes/Alcoholic and very bitter”

E - Say Yes - “I'm in love with the world/Through the eyes of a girl/Who's still around the morning after”

E - Seen How Things Are Hard - “You just didn't care/You were off getting drunk instead”

E - The Biggest Lie - "Oh, I just told the biggest lie/ I just told the biggest lie/The biggest lie"

P - Kyoto - “And you wrote me a letter/But I don't have to read it” - “I wanted to see the world/Then I flew over the ocean/And I changed my mind” - “I wanted to see the world/Through your eyes until it happened/Then I changed my mind” - “I'm gonna kill you/If you don't beat me to it” - "Guess I lied/I'm a liar/Who lies/'Cause I'm a liar"

E - Memory Lane - “Your little house on memory lane ”

E - Angel in the Snow - “Angel in the snow/all crushed out on the way you are”

E - Last Call - “And I wanted her to tell me that she would never wake me”

E - New Monkey - “For the millions of fans ignoring the bands”

E - Waltz #2 - “I'm never gonna know you now/But I'm gonna love you anyhow”

E - Amity - “I'm a neon sign and I stay open all the time”

P - Punisher - “The house where you lived with Snow White” - “But never not sweet to the trust funds and punishers” - “What if I told you/I feel like I know you?/But we never met” - “The drugstores are open all night/The only real reason I moved to the east side”

E - Some Song - “Yeah it's halloween tonight and every night”

E - Pitseleh - “I got a joke I've been dying to tell you/A silent kid is looking down the barrel/To make the noise that I kept so quiet”

P - Halloween - “Baby, it's Halloween” - “I hate living by the hospital/The sirens go all night/I used to joke that if they woke you up/Somebody better be dying”

E - Shooting Star - “So bad, so far/You made me sad/Shooting star/You're distant and cold/And a sight to behold/Everybody just sighs”

E - Satellite - “When they call it a lover's moon, the satellite/'Cause it acts just like lovers do, the satellite/A burned-out world you know/Staying up all night/The satellite”

E - Everything Reminds Me of Her - “Why are you staring into outer space, crying?/Just because you came across it and lost it”

P - Chinese Satellite - “Took a tour to see the stars/But they weren't out tonight/So I wished hard on a Chinese satellite” - “Sometimes, when I can't sleep/It's just a matter of time before I'm hearing things” b- “Instead, I look at the sky and I feel nothing/You know I hate to be alone/I want to be wrong”

E - Coast to Coast - “Still you're keeping me around/'Til I finally drag us both down (Gonna drag us both down)”

E - Little one - “The moonlight tonight/Seems to belong to me” - “One more/Little one, I love you”

E - Coming up Roses - “The moon is a sickle cell/It'll kill you in time” “While the moon does its division/You're buried below”

E - Everything Means Nothing to Me - “At attention, looking backward in a pool of water/Wishes with a blue songbird on his shoulder/Who keeps singing over everything”

E - Pretty Mary K (Other Version) - “oh Mary K, I can see your face/down there in the waves, painted and erased/but I know it's just a reflection of the moon”

P - Moon song - (52) “You asked to walk me home/But I had to carry you” - (53) “And if I could give you the moon/I would give you the moon” - (54) “You are sick and you're married/And you might be dying” - (55/56) “And you pushed me in/And now my feet can't touch the bottom of you” “But you're holding me like water in your hands/When you saw the dead little bird”

E - New Disaster - “Everybody is the same in this long no-win game/Where every new blood/Gets time to become resigned” - “Until everyone knows that your smile is just a ghost/The ghost of your smile was seen on a body in the park”

P - Savior Complex - “Baby, you're a vampire/You want blood and I promised” - “All the bad dreams that you hide/Show me yours, I'll show you mine”

E - Oh well, Ok - “If you get a feeling next time you see me/Do me a favor and let me know/Cause it's hard to tell, it's hard to say 'oh well, Ok'”

E - Last Call - “You're a tongueless talker/You don't care what you say”

E - Angel in the Snow - “Only a cold still life/ that fell down here to lay beside you”

P - ICU - (58) “But I feel something when I see you now/I feel something when I see you” - (59) “I hate your mom/I hate it when she opens her mouth/It's amazing to me/How much you can say/When you don't know what you're talking about” - “laying down on the lawn” “if you’re a work of art/I’m standing too close/I can see the brush strokes”

E - Happiness / The Gondola Man - “What I used to be/Will pass away and then you'll see/That all I want now/Is happiness for you and me”

E - Whatever (Folk Song in C) - “Whatever you're doing now would probably suit me fine/If you're all done, like you said you'd be/What are you doing hanging out with me?”

E - Big Ballad of Nothing - “You can do what you want to whenever you want to/You can do what you want to there's no one to stop you”

P - Graceland too - “Said she knows she lived through it to get to this moment” - “Whatever she wants (Whatever you want)”

E - Bottle up and Explode “Bottle up and go/I can make it outside”

E - A Distorted Reality is Now a Necessity to be Free - “God knows why my country don't give a fuck” - “Shine on me baby, because it's raining in my heart”

E - Alphabet Town - “Alphabet City is haunted”

P - I Know The End - “There's no place like my room” - “To some America First rap country song” “Driving out into the sun/Let the ultraviolet cover me up”- “I'll find a new place to be from/A haunted house with a picket fence”

[ashes-in-a-jar]

And I Owe it All to You

Hello! This is a fic I wrote based on @speakerunfolding 's wonderful Jonmartin scottish cabin comic which I couldn't stop looking at.

I wrote this while watching Dirty Dancing for the first time in many years. Quite an experience xD

Summary: It's a night in for Jon and Martin in the cabin and they decide to pop out the wine.

Rated: T

Word count: 2.2K

Tw: alcohol, drinking and being slightly drunk, minor injuries

Maybe it was the fact that neither of them had gone out much in the past few months. Maybe the Fears prefer their avatars lightweight. Maybe Scottish alcohol tended to be stronger than English alcohol. But the sparkling wine they bought on a whim at the village store shouldn't have had the effect on them that it did.

Having emptied two cups each (Jon was actually drinking out of a mug, since they found only one wine glass, and he conceded the honor of feeling classy to Martin) they have already become giggling messes over some dumb joke regarding one Peter Lukas and a computer that refused to boot.

It wasn't even that funny. But there they were, acting like complete fools leaning against each other on the couch, legs propped up in a completely uncomfortable position on the small living room table (dangerously close to the now nearly empty bottle), holding their cups precariously in one hand and holding hands with the other.

And enjoying every moment of it.

The giggling subsided. They took a moment of comfortable silence to regain their breath and enjoy another sip.

"Can't believe he didn't know he could just u-unplug and replug the whole thing. Even I know that." Jon's speech was ever so slightly slurred, his leftover wine sloshing in his cup.

Martin hummed and then snorted.

"Jon, you barely know how to do that either. I had to teach you how to open new tabs in the same internet window for christ's sake."

"It was a new laptop! All of the buttons were in the wrong p-place." Jon protested weakly, starting to hiccup.

"Sure."

"Prick." Jon nudged him fondly. "You underestimate my vast knowledge of 'modern' things."

Martin snorted again. "Modern, you say?"

"Yes Martin, what do you take me for?"

"An old geezer." Martin tousled his hair gently. Jon leaned into the touch. Then, the words sunk in.

"Hey! Why do you and Georgie keep thinking that? I can know pop culture!"

"Oh yeah? Tell me, what do you know?"

"Uh..." Jon struggled to straighten himself, which resulted in actually sliding further off the couch. "Um...I know S-Star Wars! And uh, Matrix? I think. I've seen it once. Oh! That, that dinosaur movie! And... Titanic?" He finished unconvincingly. 

Martin looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "Really, Jon? You're just naming movies now.  And not even new ones. Did you actually watch any of those?"

Jon avoided his gaze "I... I may have fallen asleep during uh, during some of these?"

Martin gave him a long look. 

"Yes alright, I fell asleep in all of them."

Martin huffed "Thought so". 

Jon gave up trying to salvage his dignity, taking a final long gulp from his mug, a small drop trickling down his chin. Martin swiped it away, absent-mindedly licking his finger, not noticing as Jon hiccuped, his face heating up considerably. 

"I-I did like the Princess Bride though— that was a nice film, if a bit sensational." 

"Hang on. You watched the Princess Bride? And liked it?" Martin asked, incredulous. 

"I'm allowed to like things, Martin. B-besides, Georgie made me watch it. Said it was a- a core staple of cinema history o-or something."

"Oh yeah? Did she make you watch those other movies as well?" Martin asked casually, swirling the liquid in his cup. 

"Unfortunately yes. She would cruelly  shake me awake when I finally managed to get some shut-eye for once in my life. I-it's not my fault the only times I could sleep normally were during those, those damn films! She woke me up for that ridiculous scene with the, uh, the bullets in the Matrix. And that lifting scene in that unseemly dancing movie."

"What lifting scene?" 

"That movie with all of the dancing? Th-the one where he lifts her at the end in the middle of the crowd with that song? At least, uh, at least I think there was a lot of dancing, I wasn't actually, hmmm... Focused at the time." 

"Oh my god Jon, do you mean Dirty Dancing? You fell asleep during Dirty Dancing?" Martin's delighted incredulity was plain on his face. 

Jon scrunched up his nose. "That's the name of the film? Good thing I fell asleep then."

"Jesus Jon. That's incredible, good on Georgie! Heh, at least you woke up for that scene. It's iconic, you know." 

"Yes, yes." Jon waved at him dismissively, reaching unsteadily for the wine bottle. Martin gently took it away from Jon and with a much steadier hand, poured the remaining bit of wine into his mug.

"Thank you Martin," Jon mumbled into the cup. 

Another warm silence fell on them, lulling Jon into a half drunken stupor. He nearly threw his cup in the air when Martin's words startled him back into awareness. 

"I can do that scene you know, that lifting part." He was looking intently at his glass. 

"R-really?" Jon hiccuped. "How?" 

"I… I had a boyfriend who wanted to try it. So we did. Turns out that I'm good at balancing large things that aren't stacks of paper."

Jon hummed. He suddenly imagined very vividly Martin lifting someone else in that way and felt a pang in his chest. What was that?

Another beat of silence. 

"Do. Do you want to try?"

"W-what?" 

"Do you want to do that lifting scene with me? I'm sure I could lift you." Martin suddenly sat up, his tone excited and anticipating. He looked at Jon. 

Jon shifted. "Uh, I-I guess it's fine? Sure."

"Okay! Let's do it then!" Martin got up on his feet, swaying ever so slightly. 

Jon looked up at him surprised. "W-wait, now? Shouldn't we wait? You know, to be less uh, inebriated? Don't you need to see the scene again for a reminder?"

"Mmm. We don't have reception so I can't exactly watch the scene again. But, but I'm pretty sure I can do it now, definitely sure! Come on." He held out his hand expectantly. 

Jon took it, stumbling only a bit as he got up. Martin took out his phone . 

"I might even have the song saved. Let me check."

A moment later he gave a whoop of success and the song began to play, filling the main space of the cabin with its soft, if slightly tinny sound. 

Jon stretched, releasing the tension in his muscles. "All right Martin, where do you want me?" 

"You need a bit of a running start, and then you need to jump high right as you reach my arms, so stand over there." He indicated towards the door of the bedroom. 

"Right." Jon stumbled only once as he made his way towards the designated spot. Martin moved across the room stopping right near the kitchen door. 

The song kept playing calmly in the background, slowly building up towards the upbeat chorus. 

Jon looked at him again "I dunno Martin. A-are you sure?" He suddenly felt a bit more fuzzy than he did sitting down. He hiccuped again. 

"Please Jon, you're thin as a rake. Have a little faith." His face wore that determined look that Jon couldn't help but love. 

"Alright, as you wish." He grinned, proud of his clever reference as he took his stance. 

Martin rolled his eyes as well as his sleeves. "Steady on Westley, this is the part."

Jon felt a rush of excitement as he caught Martin's enthusiasm. "Ready?" He asked, bouncing a little on his feet in preparation. 

"Ready." Martin crouched a little, holding out his arms. 

As the chorus neared Jon, with a wild drunken energy, took his running start, jumping up as he reached Martin, grabbing on to his shoulders for support. Martin firmly gripped Jon's hips, bent his legs and with a strained grunt lifted Jon in the air as the song reached a crescendo. 

Jon was flying. 

He laughed giddily, stretching out his arms in elation. 

As Martin continued holding him in his strong grip he looked down at his beautiful boyfriend. Despite the exertion, Martin looked up with the softest expression as the song kept playing for them in the background. 

For a moment everything was perfect. 

And then Martin leaned backwards a bit too far. 

In hindsight, they should have known this would happen. While Martin was better at hiding it, he was as drunk as Jon. And Jon's already impeded balance certainly didn't help. 

As they went down, Jon idly wondered if they could also recreate the rest of the dance if they practiced. And then he hit his nose on the floor. 

After a moment of stunned silence the pain rushed in and Jon grunted. 

Turns out that while most of him was protected from the fall by Martin's soft and sturdy body, his knee also missed the mark and crashed into the floor as well.

Muffled by Jon's body above him, Martin squirmed. "Ugh, Jon, are you okay?"

When Jon didn't respond, Martin groaned and picked himself off the floor, lifting Jon in the process. 

"Oh my god, Jon! You're bleeding!" 

Jon's face throbbed. And so did his knee. His hazy drunken state began fading away as the pain sharpened. 

"I-I think I hit something." 

"I'm so sorry Jon! God, where are the tissues?" Seemingly having sobered up considerably, Martin picked Jon up and carried him bodily into the bathroom. Jon allowed all of this to happen as the shock of the fall dissipated. He let Martin easily lift him onto the sink counter as he shoved a towel into his hands.

"Hold it against your nose while I... Jesus, your knee too?" He stepped back now hurriedly lifting the stained pant leg to reveal the damage. 

"God, Jon I'm so sorry. Hold still, I'm going to find the first aid kit. We shouldn't have done this. This was a complete disaster." 

He kept muttering irritably as he walked away. Jon sighed and pressed the towel to his throbbing nose. His foggy mind still felt as though it was trying to catch up to the recent chain of events. He spoke slowly, attempting to convey himself with clarity. 

"Martin, it's fine. Honestly, I think we both know I've had worse-" 

"You nearly broke your bloody neck! God, where's that goddamn kit." He shouted from across the cabin as Jon heard the rattling of drawers being forcefully pulled open. 

"Martin, please I-I'm okay. It's just a little bit of bruising. It honestly already feels better." 

And it actually did. In the chaos after the fall, they both forgot Jon's... situation. Jon watched as the cut on his knee slowly closed up, leaving only the drying stain of blood behind. The pain in his nose was slowly vanishing as well. 

By the time Martin came back holding the bag, Jon already put down the towel and was tentatively poking at the previously bruised spot. 

Martin stopped in front of him, looking at him with a mixture of emotions Jon couldn't parse out. He smiled at Martin hesitantly. 

"See? Good as new. No harm no foul, I say."

Martin let out a long suffering sigh and took the towel out of Jon's hands. He quietly dampened it in the sink and stepped closer to gently pat at his face. 

Jon looked at him. This close he could practically count his faded freckles, follow every line and trace every mark that was so beautifully Martin. He let himself smile. 

"I must say, I'm quite impressed by your strength, if we weren't so inebriated, I'm sure you could have kept me up there for quite a while," he said quietly, enjoying the fluttering touches. 

"It wasn't because I was drunk." Martin muttered. 

"Pardon?" 

"I said it wasn't because I was drunk that I dropped you," he said a little louder, oddly flustered. "I was looking at... At you. You just looked... I dunno, happy, I guess? I just never seen that expression on you before and it..." He trailed off, concentrating intently on Jon's knee, finishing up cleaning up the blood. 

"M-Martin, look at me. Please look up here." Jon gently tugged at his shoulders to pull him up. At this height, sitting on the counter, he actually came face to face with Martin, seeing his blush and ruffled expression right in front of him as opposed to slightly above him like he normally did 

He lifted his palms to bracket Martin's warm cheeks. 

"There you are," he whispered and leaned in for a quick kiss. He then leaned back slightly. "You know that I'm perfectly happy. Here with you. Y-you know that, right?" 

Martin looked at him for a few moments, then smiled. "Yeah, I do."

"Good. Now, help me down so we can clean up the wine stain, which I'm sure is growing on the carpet right now."

"Wha- oh," Martin said as he turned to see the fallen glass that apparently toppled during the mayhem. 

"Yeah. Let me down?" Jon said again, holding out his arms. 

Martin turned back to him, a teasing expression on his face. "As you wish." 

Jon groaned and allowed himself once again to be pulled, secretly enjoying Martin's burst of giggles as they both walked back into the crime scene that was their drunken night in. 

All things considered, it was a pretty good night. 

[neon-pink-witch]

Ask Game: A, B, E, K, L, N, O, P, R, V, Z.

Anon, send me "Z" in its own ask. I got a plan for that one and I've already written enough here. This needs its own post.

A - Ships that you currently like a lot.

V/Johnny is probably one of my main ships right now. Same with Johnny/Kerry but one that I love and don't talk about much is Cletus Kasady/Carnage Symbiote.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

V and Takamura, at first, I just did not get it at all and while its not a main ship for me, I see why ya'll ship them.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

Oh god. Okay so ummm...I wrote a crack fic that ships Thanos from the MCU with Knull the God of Symbiotes. Its fucking great, its terrible, I want to burn it, I should frame it, you can read it here

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

I got two here. First being Johnny Silverhand. We get glimpses of his past self being a total fucking asshole and we know from others that he wasn't always a good person but we get to watch this slow change with V's help as he grows into a person that you could sit in the same room with. At the end even willing to give his life for V's which I feel like is something that past Johnny would not have done at all. My second one would be Eddie Brock. He went from being one of Mavel's top villains with a grudge to kill Spider-Man to somewhat healing his wounds and ends up, no joke, not kidding, being a fucking God who wants to save the world from Knull. Its really stunning to see.

L- Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your fave

I'm very middle of the road with River Ward. His personality is a little, I don't know, I can't really find the word. But his quest? One of the most interesting in gaming and I said it once and I'll say it again, DO NOT run his quest at the farm if you are not sober, you won't have a good time. Also Mickey Jones from Doctor Who didn't deserve to be led on so much by Rose. He might have been a bit annoying, but The Doctor and Rose didn't treat him like they should have

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

Really the only thing I wish that was a different is I feel like fic writers don't get the credit we deserve. I understand why visual art gets the attention it does and it should! Drawing of any type if hard as fuck! I don't see this as much in the Cyberpunk fandom because everyone is really happy to get any type of content but I saw this in the Marvel fandom where most often drawings would get praised way more than fics. Honestly on that topic, the Cyberpunk fandom is one of the chilliest fandoms I've ever been in. If I had to pick a second one I'd say I wish people would post more about their OCs!(I say this while pointing at a mirror) I love love seeing ya'lls lil guys! I always wanna see more!(Again, still pointing at the mirror)

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Oof, okay, here we go, loading up my liked songs on Spotify and hitting random. Here were go

Sparks Fly • Taylor Swift (spotify.com)

Had to think of this one but I feel Kerry and V would fit this. I've read alot of MaleV/Kerry stuff where they are both hopeless romantic mushy types and this just feels like something they would dance to in the living room when it was just them. Judy/V also popped into my head but I'm not sure why.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom

AU in which Johnny is a devil hunter in Devil May Cry. He's got the vibe for it, the gun, and the guitar. In fact he's modded his guitar in such a way that he can use it as a weapon (think Nevan from Devil May Cry). I could see Samurai being both a rock band and a band of devil hunters as well. Not sure where V could fit in. Maybe they got, I dunno, bit by a demon and know they got fucked up powers?

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

We really don't get to see enough of V and Misty and that's a damn shame. I would have loved maybe a little side quest thing with the two of them, more so than just Jackie's funeral. I also love Jackie's and V's friendship. I know some people ship them but I just see them as friends. Its really driven home that you can't trust anyone in Night City and here's Jackie willing to take V under his wing after they lost everything. A real choom, good guy, truly.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

In Cyberpunk 2077? Despite her not being one of faves, Judy. Much like her I also a friend to suicide. It was that quest that prevented me from playing the game for two years because I didn't know how I would handle it. Only to find that when I played, and V comforts Judy, It felt like comforting myself. I understood her feelings of loss and guilt. Its a type of feeling you only get when someone close to you takes their own life and its hard to put into words. Recently my grandparents sold my childhood home, my forest and my safeplace. Seeing Judy explore the flooded remains of her childhood home made me cry after this. I understand now. The longing for a place you'll never go back to and even if you do, it won't be the same. The feeling of watching memories play out before your eyes. Its not something you really get over and it changes you.

[wicked-mind]

Remember Me: Chapter Three

Summary: Y/N and Bucky were the unlikely match when it came to love, but they were inseparable since they met. After a fight, Y/N left to be a trauma surgeon in the military and returns without her memories. How will Bucky remind Y/N how she is the fire in his bones? Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Mentions of drugging and sexual assault. Small bit of violence.

Series Masterlist

All Writings Masterlist

*gifs not mine

Chapter Three - Hunger

Bucky had been awake most of the night watching Y/N sleep soundly on his lap but eventually his tiredness took over and he fell asleep himself. When he opened his eyes to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, he immediately looked down to see Y/N not there anymore. There was a small bubble of panic as he got up quickly, walking to the kitchen to see Peggy with a mug of coffee. Without a word, she pointed to the front door with a smile to let him know where Y/N was. Bucky gave a soft smile of thankfulness before making his way to the front door, opening it as his eyes fell on Y/N’s back as she sat on the porch steps. He froze in that moment, listening her hum the tune to their song. Was she remembering bits and pieces? He slowly moved to sit next to to her.

Y/N stopped humming when she noticed Bucky sit by her, looking at him quickly. She had a banana on her lap with a cut through it and was practicing sutures on it with tweezers in her hands that held the needle and thread, “Good morning, sleepy head.” She said with a smile towards him before returning her focus on her practice sutures, “You ever wake up with a song in your head that feels like it’s your favorite song but can’t remember it? Because I cannot get this song out of my head and I can’t look it up because I don’t know the words, just the tune.”

Bucky smiled over at her, watching as she threaded the needle through the peel of the banana and suture the peel back together with black thread, “Everyday darlin’,” He told her. Their song had been stuck in his head on repeat since the night they found it. It was one of his favorite memories. Y/N had snuck out with him and they went to a field on his dirt bike. He had brought a blanket so they could watch the stars together while the little radio he had played music. He kissed her for the first time to the song Hunger by Ross Copperman. It had been stuck in his head from that moment on, like a theme song to their relationship, “Is the banana going to make it?”

Y/N giggled a little bit, “I think so. I’m a very good surgeon.” She told him as she tied a knot onto the last suture and put the tweezers down in her lap as well, “There. He should live a long life of 24 hours before he turns to mush.” She looked back at him, running her eyes along his facial features. She had never seen a smile so sincere that she could remember, “I’m practicing so eventually I can go back to work at the hospital. From what Steve says, I have a very good reputation there as their old trauma surgeon and they’d be happy to have me back. Plus I still have all my memories when it comes to medicine and surgical procedures which should help.”

“That’s great.” Bucky told her, happy that she was still pursuing the thing she had dreamed about since she graduated. Y/N was still her, even without her memories. He couldn’t help but wish the things she remembered were him and the love they had between them. It was an epic love and Bucky wanted that back, “I should probably head home and change into some clean clothes. I’ll be back later to replace the fan in your room so you can sleep soundly.”

Y/N looked at him, observing him as he spoke. She could see something in his eyes that didn’t want to leave. Or maybe it was that he didn’t want to leave her. She bit her lip, “I was actually thinking, since we were so close before, maybe seeing your place would bring back some memories. Plus Peggy already said they didn’t have anything for breakfast.” She smiled at him, “Do you have breakfast supplies? I can cook while you change and stuff.”

Bucky grinned at her idea, it was just what he wanted. Her to come home with him, “Sounds like a plan, doll.” He told her, knowing he had supplies for her favorite food already. He had gone to the store as soon as he heard she was coming home, buying all her favorite things to eat in case she remembered him and came back home, “You think you remember how to make blueberry pancakes?”

Y/N scrunched her nose as if trying to think of the steps on how to cook, “Nope.” She said with a large pucker of her lips on the sound of the ‘p,’ “But I’m a surgeon. I can figure out how to make pancakes… probably.” She said with a small laugh before licking her lips and staring at him, “Does this mean you’re taking me home on your motorcycle?”

Bucky stood and smiled down at her, “Oh no, I still think you need some more time after I found you walking down the street in the middle of the night. I just live a street down, we can walk it isn’t far.” As much as he would like to take her home on his bike, he didn’t want to rush things with her and knew Steve wouldn’t be too keen on the idea.

Y/N nodded, a little sad she wasn’t going to be able to remember the feeling Bucky had told her about when she rode with him but was happy to adventure out of the four walls of Steve’s home. She stood by him for a moment before opening the door and telling Peggy she was going with Bucky and she was alright before turning back to the dark haired man, “Lead the way, Bucky.” She told him with a smile and a wave of her hand, following as he walked, “I’m curious, tell me more about this girl you loved.”

Bucky looked at her as he walked down the sidewalk beside her, “Love.” He corrected, “I still love her and I always will.” He stared at her for a moment as if waiting for her to say it back before connoting, “We were a very unlikely match, total opposites. I already told you she was smart, I have no idea how she fell in love with me. I was a mess, always getting in fights and causing trouble. When she came into my life, she was like the little angel that appeared on my shoulder that helped me choose the right path to go down.” He smiled at the memories, “But she always told me I was the one that made her feel truly alive, like the world was brighter and made sense. She calmed my wild soul and I brought out the wild in her’s.” He had rambled on the whole time they walked, not being able to stop himself until they were in his driveway, “Home, sweet, home.”

Y/N smiled as she listened to Bucky talk about the woman he loved. It was obvious he was still completely and undeniably in love with her. She looked at the house, taking in its features when they stopped, “It’s a pretty house.” She complimented before following him inside. She watched Bucky hurry and pick up a shoe box on the coffee table, taking it into what she assumed was his bedroom. Curiosity sparked in her as it seemed like Bucky didn’t want her to see it and that made her want to know more but wouldn’t pry. She went to the kitchen, “Okay… Pancakes..” She said to herself as she closed her eyes tightly trying to remember the ingredients. When she opened them, Bucky was already pulling out all the ingredients with a smile on his lips, “Thank you. I’ll try not the screw it up.”

Bucky watched her scan over the ingredients and when he saw she didn’t remember where to start, he pulled out a notebook. Y/N always wrote down the recipes she loved. It helped Bucky cook a few meals for her when she got home from working at the hospital, “Here’s the recipe. You got this.” He encouraged, “I’m going to take a quick shower. Try not to burn the house down.” He said as he started walking out of the kitchen and down a hallway towards the bathroom.

Y/N watched him go before scanning her eyes over the recipe. She tilted her head as she recognized it as her own hand writing. She bit her lip lost in thought for a moment, trying to put puzzle pieces together. She finally snapped out of it and looked at the ingredients nodding to herself, “Alright, Y/N. You know how to do a double lung transplant. You can make blueberry pancakes.” She encouraged herself. She wondered around the kitchen, finding pans and utensils to help and started the mission of making breakfast.

Bucky came out to find Y/N flipping pancakes with extreme focus on her face as if it was a life or death situation which made him smile. He wore dark jeans with a short sleeved black shirt that showed off his tattooed left arm. He walked into the kitchen, gently taking the spatula from Y/N who looked grateful that he was taking over, “They look delicious. I’ll finish up.” He told her, adding the blueberries and flipping the pancakes.

Y/N let out a sigh of relief when Bucky took over, stepping back and hoping up onto the counter as she watched him closely, observing every move he made while he cooked. She couldn’t deny she was attracted to him, something about him drew her towards him. She ran her eyes up and down his figure, biting her lip as she took in every part of him. Y/N was very observant and when she saw the small red heart tattoos between the rest of his ink, her eyes narrowed. She recognized them as her own which made her curiosity grow. When she first woke up after having the bullet removed, the doctors had her draw shapes and write her name to make sure she still had the ability to write and those hearts looked exactly like the ones she had drawn.

Bucky turned to look at Y/N, seeing her looking at his tattoos. He wondered if it was sparking anything to remember him. He held two plates of pancakes in his hands which he set down on the table gently before pulling out the syrup and pulling out a chair for Y/N, “Breakfast is served.”

Y/N took a seat in the chair Bucky pulled out for her, “Thank you.” She said with a smile towards him, picking up the syrup and slathering enough on to cause a toothache, but she always had a sweet tooth. She licked her lips slightly at the view before digging in.

Bucky kept his promise to Y/N, replacing the fan in her bedroom with a small chandelier which made her smile when it sparkled in the light. Y/N got to know Bucky better. He was over everyday entertaining her but as much as she brought up the idea of Bucky taking her on a ride, he would deny it and his reason was that Steve wouldn’t like it. Y/N was smart and everyday she spent with Bucky and listened to him talk about the girl he once loved, the puzzle pieces slowly started to be put together in her mind. She had a feeling by the way he talked and spoke to her that she may be this mystery woman that he had broken the heart of but she wouldn’t know unless she asked. One day at dinner with Steve and Peggy, Y/N finally built up the courage to confront her brother on her thoughts, “Stevie, did Bucky and I use to date?” She said out of the blue.

Peggy and Steve both almost choked on their food at the question, sharing a look. Steve looked at Y/N trying to keep a straight face, “What.. Why would you ask that?” Y/N bit her lip, narrowing her eyes at their reaction. She was pretty sure she was given her answer by the way they choked on their food. Or she was dead wrong and they couldn’t believe her question, “Just some things I’ve noticed. He has a recipe book in my handwriting at his house and the heart tattoos look like hearts I draw.” She said, giving him a short list instead of talking about the way Bucky looks and speaks to her. The way he made her feel.

Steve opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t find a good answer so looked to Peggy with pleading eyes for help.

Peggy looked at Steve then smiled gently at Y/N, “You should talk to Bucky about that, honey.” She said simply.

Y/N frowned a little at them, her eyes flickering between the two, “Why can’t you just tell me?”

They both stayed silent for a moment as if trying to think of a good answer, glancing at each other and their food trying to avoid eye contact with Y/N who was staring at them intently.

Y/N rolls her eyes and sighs, standing up, “I’m not going to break.” She told them with bitterness in her voice before walking towards the front door. She grabbed her small backpack and a jacket, pulling it over her figure and opening the front door, “Don’t report me as missing person!” She called back before exiting the home. She walked down the street, muttering words under her breath in frustration towards her brother. Why couldn’t he just answer the question? It bothered her and she wanted answers about who she was and who she was to Bucky. Y/N found herself walking into a bar, smiling slightly when she saw someone she recognized sitting at the bar from the BBQ, Sam. Y/N hoped up on the stool next to him, “Hi. Sam, right?”

Sam looked at her, holding a bottle of beer in his hands, “Y/N! Yeah, Sam.” he smiled at her. He had known her for a few years, he was one of Steve’s army friends, “Whatcha doin here?”

Y/N shrugs, “Brothers being annoying. Needed to get away for a little bit. Do you know what kind of alcohol I like?” She asks with a tilt of her head. She remembered she has drank before but couldn’t remember what she enjoyed.

“Tequila. Lots of tequila.” Sam remembered with a small laugh, “You said it got you through your surgical internship.” He waved his hand at the bartender, “Can we get a tequila shot?” To which the bartender nodded and placed it in front of Y/N with a lime.

Y/N narrows her eyes at the liquid in the shot glass in front of her with a lime resting on the top, “Okay, so lime first or second?”

Sam chuckled, picking up the lime and putting it on his napkin, “You don’t like the lime.” He reminded before watching her take the shot and her nose crinkle, “Just like old times.”

Y/N wrinkled her nose at the sting then let out a small laugh, “Yup. That is definitely something I would fall in love with.” She looked away from Sam as another man sat next to her with a smile. She didn’t recognize him but from the look on his face it seemed like he knew her from how comfortable he was to come up to her.

“Hey, pretty girl.” The short haired dark man said to her. He had a sharp jaw that matched his sharp cheek bones with some stubble for a beard, “It’s been a while.”

Y/N bit her lip at the new man, “I’m sorry… I don’t remember who you are.” She told him, “I lost my memories on deployment from an injury so you’re going to have to reintroduce yourself.” She added quickly as to not hurt his feelings.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He smiles at her before holding out his hand, “Brock Rumlow. We used to hang out, or at least you came to one of my parties when we were younger. It was fun.”

Y/N scrunched her nose in thought, “Nope, sorry don’t remember. But it’s nice to meet you again.” She smiled at him. She hadn’t noticed Sam glaring at the man and didn’t notice when he got up and walked away to make a call.

Sam stood away from as many people as he could, dialing a number on his phone and pressing it to his ear as he watched Y/N talk to Brock who was buying her another shot of tequila, “Hey, Buck. It’s Sam…. I’m at the Howlin’ Cammandos bar with Y/N…. She said her brother was being annoying and wound up here, I don’t know man. Listen, Rumlow just came over and reintroduced himself to her…. Yes, Brock Rumlow the one you and Steve told me about…. He’s buying her shot after shot… Alright, I’ll stay close to her..” He hung up the phone, shaking his head before returning to his spot beside Y/N, listening to Brock put all the moves on her while she laughed like it was the first time she had heard his cheesy pick-up lines which Sam determined was because she couldn’t remember hearing them before.

It didn’t take long for Bucky to walk through the doors, immediately grabbing Brock by his shoulder to turn him around before landing a hard punch straight to his nose. He grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pushing him up against the bar, “I told you to never come near her again!” He growled out at Brock before landing a punch to Brock’s cheek followed by another. He wasn’t holding back, he was putting everything he had into every punch.

Y/N jumped a little at the sight, her jaw falling open as she watched Bucky punch Brock. She looked at Sam as if it say ‘help’ and watched as Sam got up and separated the two, pushing Brock out the door telling him to get out of here. Y/N looked at Bucky once Sam had gotten rid of Brock, “What the hell, Bucky?” She said to him.

Bucky turned his angry stare to Y/N after watching Sam drag Brock out the doors, “C’mon. I’m taking you home.” He said, grabbing her hand and pulling her outside. Sam was standing out there, watching as Brock’s car pulled out onto the street before heading back inside with a nod towards Bucky. Bucky kept pulling Y/N towards his motorcycle, passing her a helmet, “Put it on.”

Y/N held the helmet in her hands for a moment before setting it down on the seat of his Harley, “No. Not until you tell me what that was all about.”

Bucky rolled his eyes at her stubbornness, picking up the helmet again and holding it out to her, “Put it on, Y/N. I’m taking you home.” He said again in a more stern voice.

Y/N folded her arms instead of taking the helmet, frowning at him. She was already irritated at Steve and now she felt like she was being babysat by Bucky, “Talk or I walk.”

Bucky stared at her, knowing that look. She was stubborn and she would walk away from him if he didn’t spill what he knew, “Fine, Y/N. When you were eighteen you went to a party at Brock’s house because we got in a fight. You thought he slipped something in your drink and called me right away. I got there just in time to find his hands all over you in his bedroom while you were passed out but it hadn’t gone any further than him copping a feel. I told him if he ever came near you again, I’d kill him.” He sighs, “Now you’re back with no memories and he would’ve taken advantage of that. He’s not a good person, Y/N.”

Y/N looked suddenly saddened as Bucky spoke, her lips parting a little in shock. That was something she rather not remember and was partly grateful she wouldn’t have that memory living inside her brain. She looked down, “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” She apologized. She sighed deeply before dropping her hands to her sides, “I asked Steve something tonight and he wouldn’t answer me. Peggy said I should talk to you about it.”

Bucky’s couldn’t help but frown as Y/N looked sad, that was something he didn’t want her to remember. It was an awful memory for both of them and Bucky had never felt such rage when he saw Brock’s hands all over her. He had beaten Brock to a pulp, almost unrecognizable and he would’ve again tonight if Sam wasn’t there to stop him, “What is it, doll?” He asks in a gentle tone, knowing whatever she had asked Steve was bothering her.

Y/N ran her tongue along her lips for a moment, not daring to look at Bucky. She wanted to know and she felt like she already knew the answer from all the hints Bucky had given her. Half of her didn’t want to ask but the tequila was giving her courage and the need to know was overwhelming, “Am I the girl you talk about? The one you still love?”

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh IWA ROUTE

a/n: uwuwuwuwuwu my mans iwa chan :’)

IM A SIMP FOR IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER

uwu filo!iwa in this :)

and also, listen to lauv while reading this since i wrote this and that song was playing on repeat O_O and also this song

this is my self-request uwu

HES SUCH A POUTY BABIE BLS LOVE ON HIM

onwards we goooo

hihihihihihi yey im so excited for this yall dont even know

ANYWAYS

so,,,,

when iwa first saw you, he thought you were just a cute little thing

your shorter height, your puffy cheeks, and the wide eyes you had whenever you saw someone, or him, do a really cool spiking move

he initially thought of you as a cute little sister hes never had

ehehe that finna change

then the,,,, bullying thing happened

if youd like to read this part, its right here

when he saw you bloodied, all battered,

dear lordie he was finna break some ankles

ONG I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT SANGWOO YET HERE I AM

like that image of you will probably stay in his memory until he dies of the ripe age of 200

ngl it kinda traumatized him a little bit of how tired and pained you look with the tears rolling down your face and the blood that was escaping your body through your wounds

god you didnt deserve any of that

you deserved the world and the universe yet some people dared to take away your worth

ooo he was so mad

miyo was,,,, hurt??

can i say that??

i dont wanna,,,, explain bara arms iwa hurting a girl so youre gonna have to imagine that for yourselves

but at the end when they said slap, he didnt just ✨S L A P ✨ her

he ✨ B R O K E   S O M E   A N K L E S ✨

oiks is actually scared of him after that

like oiks had to peel him off of her and towards the infirmary where you and the team were

‘IWAIZUMI HAJIME, STOP!’

oof the first and last time oikawa tooru ever said that full name

he was breathing heavy and he was so ✨ A N G R Y ✨ with what she did to you yet he hears your soft scoldings, telling him off for hurting a girl

he wanted to see you

like right now

iwa tore himself from oikawa’s grasp and ✨ N Y O O M E D ✨ himself to the nurse’s office

there, you sat on the bed with the others scattered either on other beds or on the floor 

you smiled at the sight of him and he walked towards you and engulfed you in his arms

‘youre okay now. im here’

he whispered and you buried your face into his chest, breathing in his unique scent

lavender mixed with peppermint

he refused to leave your side so he ✨ M A D E ✨ some room on the bed beside you to sit and he wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close

you held his hand while oikawa talked to you and as you shamefully bowed your head

but you were forgiven and everything was all good until the third years really got into plan

makki and mattsun promised to handle it all as they had family in the justice field while oikawa would go and get the girl suspended

‘but what about me?! i want-’

‘iwaizumi, you literally hit her. it’d be best if you’re not involved right now as you were the only one who physically touched her in a harmful manner like that’

ong when it come to y/n, the meme team is replaced by the assassin team

he tried to fight but in the end, 3 overpowered 1 and he was forced to sit back and opted to comfort you instead

he made sure you were safe to walk home but that day, you were the one who asked him to spend time with him

just you two

like after seeing him seethingly enter back into the room, you reached out and held his hand in yours, eyes trained on your fingers fiddling with his

‘iwa-san,,,, you said you downloaded the new godzilla movie?’

you whispered but he could still hear you and his heart swelled at your meek voice

‘yea, i did. and my mom bought those chips you like’

your eyes flitted up to meet his eyes and a soft smile spread on your lips and there was this thumping in his heart

maybe that was the first time that iwaizumi hajime felt differently towards you

a smile that seemed to be differently perceived than the rest

and it wasnt for the whole team

it was for him

and him alone

the trek to his house was quiet but you would hum nursery rhymes or the songs you heard earlier in the radio while skipping every few steps and tightly holding on to his hand

iwaizumi’s olive eyes watched you still radiate energy despite being so hurt for a long time

they then trailed to your linked hands and he unintentionally squeezed it, only figuring out he did it when you looked up to him and squeezed it back with a smile

he wanted to do something to make you forget of what happened

he didnt want you to think about the cruelty and pain so he was going to make sure you would continue smiling 

thankfully, his parents werent home so he wouldnt have to explain why he has a bandage-covered girl with him 

iwa led you upstairs to where his room was and your eyes widened when you saw what was inside

tiny action figurines of animes like bakugo from boku no hero academia or a tiny pikachu on his desk

there was a large country flag that you didnt recognize and a few godzilla posters and volleyball players decorating beside it

however, besides those normal things you wouldve expected,

there were many polaroids

polaroid pictures that were everywhere with no specific layout pattern and just placed anywhere that had room

iwa watched as you dazedly walked forward and entered the room to move towards the wall by his desk that had the most pictures against it

from pictures of him and oikawa to the third years to him and his parents or just the sunrise and human silhouettes

your fingers reached forward and traced the picture of him and the third years when they were still first years and took a spontaneous trip to the beach

‘mattsun stole his dad’s car and drove us to the beach without a license’

iwaizumi’s voice answered your questions and you looked back, shimmering eyes

this room,,, wasnt just a normal, teenage boy’s room

this was a room that represented iwaizumi hajime

from his natural character description like his love for volleyball evident in the volleyball player posters to the underneath description that was hidden like his love for godzilla and his love of taking pictures of the people he cares about the most

it was all that made up iwaizumi hajime

your feet took you to stand in front of him, still standing at the doorway, and you stood on your toes to try and be eye-level with him

‘youre really cool, iwa-san’

you whispered and his ears turned red, not from the compliment, but by the close distance between you two

iwa clearedhis throat and ruffled your hair roughly, pushing you down slightly back to the balls of your feet

‘i already knew that, brat. now go and sit over there and be comfortable or whatever while i go get the food’

he hurriedly turned to hide his growing red face but you stopped him

‘iwa-san,,, ano,,, can,, i borrow a hoodie?’

you mumbled, nervously thinking he might refuse 

but he grunted a response, not bothering to turn around

‘take your pick’

you smiled and thanked him before bounding over to the wardrobe that was pushed against the wall across his bed that was against the corner by his window

inside had so many hoodies and there were also shirts that were hung up on the other half

they were all graphic tees that either had american bands or anime or game references

opting for a mint green hoodie that says ‘SONIC NYOOM’, you had an undershirt under your button up and as you slipped the bloodied long sleeve off, he swung the door open, eyes focused on the tray of coke filled glasses

then he looked up and almost dropped it at the sight of you,,, like that

‘OH MY GOD SORRY’

he shrieked and carefully but hurriedly backtracked back to the hallway

ofc you were shocked too but you quickly put the hoodie on and went to get him

iwaizumi’s heart was hammering in his chest and he was VERY red with embarrassment 

how could he see you like that?!

a girl who wasnt his shouldnt be seen like that by his eyes!

a touch on his arm reminded him of his position and he was still holding the tray but it was clear from the liquid in the cups that he was shaking slightly

‘iwa-san, its okay. i still had a shirt on so dont misunderstand’

you reasoned and he nodded, still not looking at you

the beginning of the movie was quite awkward as you both were sitting next to each other on the floor, backs against his mattress while the laptop played godzilla in front of yall

but it seems it was just him who was feeling this way bc you were intrigued at this weird monster that was squshing building under its foot and you continued munching on the food

iwa stood up and coughed

‘im going to take a shower’

you paused it and stared up at him, a chip halfway in your mouth

‘oh? you want me to wait for you?’

he agressively shook his head

‘no! its okay i watched it already. just,,,, watch it’

at the end, his words came out jumbled in his hurry to go and calm his heart down

you shrugged and unpaused the movie to continue watching

iwa spent his time in the shower, thinking and trying to think of stupid thoughts like the time oikawa almost choked on a peanut when they were in middle school to distract him of thoughts of how adorable you were

ONG HE WAS JUST SHOWERING AND INNOCENTLY DOING SHOWER THINGS

‘no, i said she was like a sister to me. and a sister she’ll remain’

okay ngl even though theyre not related, im worried yall would be like ‘iNcESt’ but bls a lot of people have tried to sibling-zoned people yet realized they liked them in THAT way

as he wrapped himself with a towel, he then realized

oh my god he didnt bring clothes

LMAO NOOOO IWAAAAA

iwa frantically looked around and he saw his mother’s sakura themed robe and he paused, arguing silently with him if he should wear it

well, it was either that or he went back into the room and showed you,,,,,, this

sucking in a sharp breath, he kept the towel around his waist and slipped his arms through the tight arm holes and he awkwardly tried to keep it tied since he was so much bigger than his tiny mom

what is happening

you saw the door opening and excitedly turned to tell him about this one scene when your voice died down in your throat at the sight of him 

here was iwaizumi hajime, ultra muscle buff man who gets abs with a simple glance of the gym, wearing an all too-tight pink, cherry blossom print robe that was so tight the tie around it was shaking to keep it together

‘dont’

he whispered and that snapped your remaining surprise to double over in laughter

‘its so cute! iwa-san, youre so cute!’

you shrieked and he growled and hurriedly went to to grab grey sweatpants and a shirt before running straight back to the bathroom

when he finally came back out, his face was still red and he was pouting as he sat next to you back to his seat

he could feel you staring at him while looking constipated as you held your laugh in and the second your eyes met, your giggles fell out

iwa rolled his eyes

‘yes yes let it out’

‘hehe, iwa-san, i didnt know you had that style’

‘it isnt! i didnt want to walk in here practically naked with you in the room!’

he growled and you nodded, still not quite believing it

‘hai hai. just say you like pink, i wont tell’

you waved and iwa felt offended

‘what do you mean ‘hai hai’?! its really not!’

your lips pursed to keep more giggles in and iwa growled again before lunging to grab your sides and tickling you 

of course being careful to not touch your wounds

you shrieked at the ticklish feeling and iwa laughed as you made weak attempts to push him off

‘huh? what was that? whatd you say? cant talk anymore, can ya?’

he teased

‘NO!!!! IWA-SAAAAN!!!!!’

you shouted in between your laughter and he finally let up when you squealed out your apologies and promised to never say it again

you breathed air into your lungs and sat back up to recollect yourselves 

iwa saw the strands that escaped your bun and they were scattered everywhere looking messy with your flushed cheeks and teary eyes

oh my god you were beautiful

he was so happy that you still kept that smile despite what happened and he was going to fight to keep it there

forever

it was about nearly the end when you finally realized how different iwaizumi’s hair looked

‘oi, iwa-san, your hair is not naturally spiky?’

he continued eating the chips while still watching the movie

‘what would you expect? even shittykawa’s hair is like this. did ya know that he wakes up extra early to curl it into that shitty mess?’

your jaw dropped

‘EEEHHHH???!!!!!!!’

later, you asked him how he does his hair for school and he blindly reached for the gel that was resting on his desk before tossing it to you

‘here’

you looked at it and flickered over to his hair and then you had the greatest realization

‘GODZILLA-SAMA!’

you pointed and he stopped eating, turning to give you a confused look

‘ha?’

you shrieked in an another round of laughter

‘IWA-SAN LIKES GODZILLA-SAMA SO MUCH HE DOES HIS HAIR AFTER HIM!!!!’

you doubled over to the floor, clutching your stomach and iwaizumi’s flustered expression made you laugh harder

he knew you were smart but,,, not this smart

you figured out his secret

the secret he’s hidden since he was practically a toddler

even his best friend, the guy hes known since he was born, never made the connection

yet here you are, figuring it out not even a year of knowing him

was this part of the many reasons he,, felt his heart beat for you?

oikawa was relieved that you had the bright twinkle in your eyes the next time he saw you and you were actively talking to iwaizumi in that early morning practice

‘oh? y/n-chan, is iwa-chan your best friend now?’

he tried not to sound jealous for his own best friend’s closeness to you and he added a teasing smile for extra measure

okay that hurted me a bit

iwaizumi snarled and blasted the volleyball towards his face before he could even yell or shout

‘iwa-san, dont do that’

you chided softly, small hands wrapping around his muscly arm

but iwa patted your head

‘deserving people deserve things to happen to them’

you rolled your eyes but smiled at him

‘hai hai’

the next week, iwa still kept a close eye on you in case someone else decided to mess with you 

but you told him that you swear youd tell him if someone did and he trusts you so he backed off a little

one day, he was eating lunch with the other third years in their classroom when you busted through the door, excitedly holding your phone

‘iwa-san! i figured out what country your flag was!’

he was halfway of shoving rice in his mouth when iwa looked at you

‘oh? you couldve just asked me though?’

you pouted and went to pull a chair from another desk to sit beside him

‘nooo. i wanted to work for that information. so you’re from the philippines, iwa-san?’

he nodded proudly

‘yep’

your eyes shone with interest

‘really?! you look japanese so it must be one of your parents. hey, iwa-san, which island are you from? i read about them and they have like 7641 islands-’

the others watched as you read through the article in your phone and iwa wasnt even following your words, instead staring at you with a dazed look and a lovesick smile

mattsun, makki, and oikawa exchanged looks of surprise because in all the years theyve known him especially oikawa, iwa was never interested in girls and such

he was a straight forward man with goals and straight sight to get them done with no distractions like relationships or love

yet here he was

slowly falling in love with you without even knowing he is

he continued to fall with the simplest things about you

from the perfume that you wore everyday to the way you would tuck your hair behind your ear when you were talking to someone

little quirks he used to miss was now being noticed even if you were right behind him and not in his line of vision

now, the boys were starting to see the difference of their precious ace

it was as if when he started to like you, they knew immediately by how he was acting

then one day during practice, you were late and they were all looking around for you and when they couldnt find you, they met back in the gym with nervous looks

iwa was already pacing around, a scary aura radiating off of him, and kindaichi, who went with him to look around the school, warned the others of iwaizumi’s worry

‘he was slamming doors open and he was walking so fast i had to run to even keep up with him’

then you busted through the gym door

you were actually picking up food for the team and sweets and you were held up when makki’s puffs were still being cooked

they rallied around you to make sure you werent hurt and you assured them but iwa pulled them away like picked them up and threw them off to the side and took you in his arms

iwa thought you were hurt and he was so worried something happened to you again

the hug was bone-crushing with how hard he was squeezing you but you felt his worry though and you freed your arms to wrap them around his neck

‘im okay, iwa-san’

you whispered in his ear and he nodded

‘let me hold you for a second’

he mumbled and you nodded

‘oi, theres food in the bags so make sure you eat it all. coach paid for it all so dont leave behind anything’

the mention of the food distracted them from you and iwa and they piled on top of each other to reach their food first

iwa was grateful that you distracted the others from seeing him being vulnerable towards you

‘i thought-’

‘shh,,, you have me right here, right now. safe and sound’

you knew how much seeing you all battered messed him up and his attempt of making you forget about it has been

and his worry of you being gone without no sign of where you went will forever be there and he will always have that thought in the back ofhis mind

the next time you came over, you actually met his parents

since you went home early before, you didnt catch his parents when they came home around 10 minutes after you left

but this time, they were already home with his mom cooking dinner while his father was sitting on the dining chair reading a newspaper

iwa walked through the door, shouting he was home, and you did the same thing to be customary

oof his parents were surprised

his mom turned around to share a look of surprise with her husband

sure they havent seen tooru in a while but they were pretty sure his voice wasnt that high pitched

right?

‘hajime, did you hit tooru so much you ruined his-’

then his mother stopped talking at the sight of you holding iwa’s hand tightly when yall stepped around the corner

you sheepishly smiled at them and bowed your head in greeting

oh my

so this was why iwaizumi hajime-san was really really really handsome

his parents were freaking good looking

like his mother was aphrodite with her flawless melanin skin and doe shaped eyes with a mole under her left eye

and his father was like ares, so handsome yet still manly and his appearance was a special type of good-looking with his buffness and ruffed appearance

‘iwa-san, i didnt know your parents were gods’

you mumbled, still staring at them

iwaizumi choked and coughed, flustered

‘oh my!’

his mother placed a hand over her mouth

‘hello’

his father stood up to walk in front of you and held his hand out

‘i’m hajime’s father’

you let go of hajime’s hand to shake his own with both of your hands

‘really nice to meet you! i’m l/n y/n! seijoh volleyball manager! first year!’

you introduced then stepped aside to fully bow 90 degrees

iwaizumi thought it was so cute of how flustered you were at meeting his parents

‘ay nako! nak, i didnt know you had such a beautiful girlfriend!’

she squealed and hurriedly went to stand in front of you and gently grasped your arms to stand you back straight and took a good look at you

‘youre so beautiful, iha. nice skin, pretty eyes, ang ganda!’

even with your research of tagalog, you didnt quite understand what she was saying

iwa noticed your slightly confused expression and he laughed, tucking his hands in his pockets

‘sorry, my nay speaks in taganese when she gets excited’

‘t-taganese?’

‘tagalog and japanese’

you nodded in understanding

it was time to put your basic reserach to test

‘hello po’

you greeted her and nervously took her hand and pressed the back of it to your forehead before slowly lowering it down and letting go

her wide eyes made you think you did something bad or even offensive!

‘i-i’

‘HAY NAKO, HAJIMEE~!’

she shrieked 

‘YUNG-!!! YUNG-!!!’

okay im terrified

iwa noticed his mother’s malfunction and gently wrapped his arm around her shoulder and veered her back to her kitchen

‘sorry about her, l/n-chan. its just,,,, hajime hasnt brought home a girl before. and you doing that mustve done it in for her’

you worriedly watched hajime calm his mom down with a smile and talking to her hushed

in their perspective,,,

‘shes so nice, nak! marry her, okay? shes very pretty and she made an effort to please your nanay, so go and marry her!’

ohmylord im nervous

initially, iwa only wanted to go and hang out with you and watch a movie

not have a full dinner with his family

lmao i shouldve told you that youve been friends for months now

his mother cooked sinigang and adobo and more filipino dishes, adding even more when she saw you were joining them

the dining table was covered with a large plate full of food and you were so fascinated because this was a side of iwa that you wanted to know more about

‘wow!’

you said, not thinking, at the deep-fried fish that still had its eyeballs intact

iwa genuinely thought you would’ve shyed away from it in disgust but your eyes were glistening with genuine interest

‘iwa-san! youre so lucky you get to eat this stuff!’

you told him, looking over at his direction

while mrs iwaizumi was lading in the soup into the big bowl, mr iwaizumi was sitting at the dining table, watching your interaction and hajime telling you what each food was and your noises of surprise

he watched his son laugh when you said the palabok reminded you of the orange boy hinata 

and he also watched his son look at you so lovestruck and exactly like how he looks at his wife

soon, his mother finished and they rounded the table before saying a quick prayer to bless the food and digging in

‘so, what do you want to start with, iha?’

mrs iwaizumi asked and your wide eyes looked around

‘hm, im not sure. whats your favorite iwa-san?’

you looked to your right towards hajime who was busy eating and stopped before pointing his lips towards a direction

‘that one’

‘hah?’

you asked 

mrs iwaizumi laughed at her son’s actions

‘sorry, l/n-chan, my son has adapted my traits. he was pointing to this, adobo. do you want some?’

‘yes please’

the smell made your mouth water and you started to tuck in

maybe it was your managerial instincts, but you used your napkin to wipe hajime’s lips and he was also used to this and turned his head to make it easier for you then he went to grab the water jug and re-fill your glass

once it was done, you both silently went back to eating

his parents watched his exchange and it was like watching a married couple taking care of each other

‘so, l/n-chan, you said you were their manager’

mr iwaizumi started and you nodded, wiping your lips

‘yes. i have been for a while now and please, call me y/n’

‘hajime actually told us he had a new manager for his team and tooru told us too. but we didnt know you were a girl. its just so interesting for hajime to bring you home as he has never really had any female friends’

mrs iwaizumi’s comment made you chuckle and iwa’s eyes widened in embarassment

‘nay! of course ive had female friends! ive had friends from all genders!’

he reasoned but you teasingly smiled at him

‘ah, im not really surprised. iwa-san doesnt exactly have the appearance that girls are brave enough to approach’

he sent you a betrayed glance

‘hah?! what’s that supposed to mean?!’

you shrugged, going back to your food

‘im just saying that you always have this intense look in your eyes and youre always frowning. but its cute so its fine. and besides, i dont think theyve seen you laugh since you dont really smile a lot, iwa-san’

‘but you’ve seen me smile!’

‘eung. but its only to me. if they knew the stuff i knew like you being a godzilla fan or your collection of succelents, theyd see you like oikawa-san’

‘HAH?! YOU SEE ME LIKE SHITTYKAWA?!’

mrs iwaizumi held her husband’s hand on the table as they watched you both bicker and tease each other with a smile

hajime has always been on the rougher side of things and he doesnt really have many close friends other than the team and even then, tooru is the only one he can really be himself around

yet here you are, bringing out the boy hajime really is and making him laugh, a sound his parents dont really hear outside the house

and your eyes

god, your eyes held admiration, life,,,, and you might not know this yet,, but love

her eyes trailed her son who teasingly headbutted you and you faking a surprise and doing the same

then you heard his father’s cough which brought you back to where you were and the situation and the people that were there

you felt embarrassment creeping up inside you and you bowed

‘im sorry for acting like that, iwaizumi-san. i-’

‘no, dont apologize, darling. please, dont’

her soft smile made the nerves in you ease and hajime’s father winked at him and he knew exactly what his father was trying to say

after dinner, you volunteered to wash the plates but they veered you away from there and towards the living room 

‘oh my god, pops! stop her!’

hajime whined because he knows what his mother was going to do

she was going to show him his baby pictures

you sat on the beige couch and watched as she reached under the coffee table and revealed a few albums that had iwaizumi hajime written on the cover

‘now, y/n-chan, hajime wasnt always this pouty. in fact, he used to always have a smile on his face and laughed at the littlest things! like right here! a leaf fell on him and he-’

stories of his childhood was exchanged throughout the night and you were laughing so hard that tears were falling out of your eyes while hajime wrapped your shoulders with his arm and he would squeeze you tightly whenever you made fun of him

‘oh dear! iwa-san! you-!’

you didnt finished as you continued to laugh and he sighed

‘nay, can we go eat dessert now?’

he asked his mother and she was beginning to feel sorry for him so she smiled and nodded

‘okay. hajime, come help me’

‘iwaizumi-san, i can-’

‘no, y/n-chan. dont you worry your pretty little head about anything and just look through more of these pictures’

hajime followed his mother to their kitchen before she stopped and turned around

his mother’s height was around 5′1 so she had to look up to meet his eyes and her hands were clasped around his biceps

she is definitely beautiful and he cursed at how little he got from his mother other than her skin color

mrs iwaizumi married her husband and immigrated to japan to have a family and your polite action from earlier moved her as she hasnt experienced that in nearly 2 decades

‘nay, shes,,,, just a friend’

he reasoned, a wobbly smile to cover up his want for that title to change

yet mothers def knows best and saw right through it

she gave him a firm look with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips

‘nak, dont lie to yourself. i raised you to never tell a lie and lying to yourself is considered lying to someone. she’s not your KAibigan, shes your kaIBIGan’

now, hajime knew a little bit of tagalog as his mother made sure he was able to at least speak to his relatives back home

so he got a hint of what she was saying yet was confused 

then he realized it

his blush creeped up his neck and he chuckled, ducking his head low to avoid his mother’s eyes

‘nak, listen to me. papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako. youre still growing and you may be confused right now, but make sure to think wisely and dont live with regrets. nanay doesnt want you to go through it all by yourself since she knows how hard it was. so please, listen to me and pursue her. shes special, hajime. she makes you so, so happy. i see it in your eyes, her eyes, god has fated you together. i feel it’

now if a filipino mother actually tells their son to go after a girl, thats a pretty big thing as its known that mothers are the hardest to convince and are fiercely protective of their sons, especially if its an only son, but mrs iwaizumi literally tells hajime to go court you because she sees how happy you make him and is willing to let hajime go to you 

definitely his mother’s words stuck to him and as he walked you home, he was busy thinking that he was quiet and you were worried as he would be talking right now

‘iwa-san? you okay?’

you asked and he blinked, taken back to reality from his daydream

‘hm, yea’

he answered to look at you

hes been pining for months now and he slipped his hand into yours, holding it tightly

uwu if you want to see iwa moments with y/n, read through the seijoh manager series as theres a lot of them in there

he wanted you yet, he knew it would be selfish of him to keep you in the future

he would be a college student while you’re in your 2nd year

would you want to be so far away from him?

could you handle it?

‘yanno, iwa-san, your dad told me something interesting’

you suddenly said, squeezing his hand and kicking rocks while looking up at the night sky

‘what was it? something embarrassing?’

he immediately feared that they told you that story when he was still potty training and he fell straight into the toilet 

‘hmm,,, no. he told me that he met your nanay when she was a high school student and he was a in an intern at your lolo’s company’

iwa listened and he had a smile at how you said the tagalog word for grandfather

‘he said she almost ran him over by her bike and she fled but they met again when she visited your lolo. through that, they became friends and then she confessed to him. apparently, he declined because she was younger than him, although just 3 years, and he was leaving for his own country in a few months so he didnt know if she would wait for him’

were,,,, you reading his mind?

iwa knew of his parents story yet with you telling it, it sounded a million times more interesting

‘yet she promised him. thats it, just a promise. that she would remain faithful to him, she would keep herself for him and when she finally graduates, she would go and find him and they could be happy together. he said it was the longest 3 years of his life yet when he saw in the airport, he felt like the wait was worth it. because he gets to hold the embodiment of happiness in his arms for the rest of his life’

you finished and he hummed

‘times have changed, y/n’

‘even you?’

you stopped walking and he naturally stopped too

‘would you wait for me like he did if i promised myself to you? if i promised you that despite the few years of waiting, i would still be yours and remain yours until we’re ready to be together?’

WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!

iwa’s heart was drumming in his chest and he wanted so desparately to look at you in the eyes but you were making that impossible as your head was bowed and your eyes were fixed on the concrete you both stood on

‘of course, i would’

your head snapped up and e/c clashed with olive eyes 

‘i would wait for you. we may,,, be young right now. and they might think we’re,,, being impulsive. but i dont care. because right now, all that matters, is you and me. we can think about the consequences later, but right now, i just want to kiss you’

he admitted, red ears seen by the moonlight

your body shook

‘do it, no balls’

well,,,, he has the balls

and under the moon, at 8:34 pm, iwaizumi hajime kissed you

OML THIS REMINDS ME OF THAT SEIJOH SHORT WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO OIKAWA AND HIS NEIGHBORS ARE LIKE ‘AH SHITE HERE WE GO AGAIN’

it didnt come as a surprise to the team when yall announced your relationship

well,, you both actually didnt tell them outright until like weeks later

what can you say?

you and iwa are very private people and you dont really like to show off in public

even though yall lit rally are stuck to the hip and he does things that he doesnt even think hes doing but he is totally doing

you were only caught by,,, guess who

mrs iwaizumi

it was weeks when she met up with mrs oikawa bc theyre totally best friends and thats why their sons are best friends

she told her of her son’s girlfriend and how sweet you were and how mrs oikawa should be jealous that her son doesnt have a girlfriend like that and the standards for oikawa’s future girlfriend was raised just by that teasing

oikawa literally came into after school practice after a phone call with his mother, fuming

you were talking to kindaichi and yahaba with iwa beside you, arm around your waist totally not obvious guys

and yall just saw an angry oikawa stomping towards yall

‘y/n-chan, iwa-chan, why the hell did my mom just call me and tell me that im not allowed to bring home a girl if she doesnt have h/c with s/c (skin color) and e/c and h/m (height measurement)?’

you shrugged

‘oikawa-san, i’ve never even met your mom before’

but iwa had a hunch

‘ahh,,,, my mom mustve been bragging to your mom. yanno how they are’

oikawa shot him a disbelieving look

‘IWA-CHAN! ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND I DONT! BUT ITS WORSE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS AFFECTING MY FUTURE ONE!’

he ranted, completely unaware that he just outed your entire relationship to the team

tbh they werent even surprised

like they were all ‘damn now shes taken. but cant say i didnt see that coming’

they took it pretty well too

they know how iwa is and they literally respect this mans and if anything, out of the whole team, he is the best candidate for your boyfriend

dating iwa is totally normal and yall just have increased touches?? like i dont know how to explain like he’s constantly holding your hand or arm around your waist or shoulder etc

literally nothing changed

you still have dinners at his house and iwa also knows your family and all that

and the most important thing is,

he kept that promise

even when he was literally at the other side of the world,

he still remained yours and you kept your own promise and waited patiently for his return

OOOOO TIMESKIP IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER

a little girl with bouncing dark brown hair was giggling as she maneuvered herself around the tall people

a shout from her parents and little sister was only making her run faster until she crashed into the legs of the person she’s been looking for

his blue jersey was similar to hers and she raised her arms up with a bright smile

‘uncle!’

she yelled and he chuckled before hoisting her up to his arms

‘ah, reyna-chan, didnt mom and dad tell you to wait for them? look! tala-chan is crying because you left her’

she followed his finger to her little sister, who was in her father’s arms, crying and reaching out for her

‘nee-chan!’

she screeched

finally, her parents were there and you were scolding her for running off

‘reyna, just dont do that again’

you said and she nodded, pouting and holding her uncle’s thumb

‘thank you, tooru-san. i dont know what i would do if she got lost’

oikawa grinned then gently patted the hat-covered head of the newborn baby girl that was strapped to your chest

‘hehe, its okay, y/n-chan. after all! uncle is always there to save reyna-chan!’

she shrieked when he held her up and hajime shook his head in his antics

‘where’s the others? i saw them in the stands but-’

he was cut off when he heard the shouts and yells from the other side that could only belong to your boys

‘woooo!!!!’

kindaichi’s voice echoed through the place and mattsuhana were rushing to greet their goddaughters

tala shyly accepted the arms of mattsun while makki was squealing quietly when darna was holding his finger tightly as she slept

‘taka-san, wanna hold her? she’s easier to hold when she’s sleeping’

‘oh can i?’

his eyes held the stars as the 11-month-old raised her fist then lowered it back down, sleep still heavy on her

‘waaa~ darna-chan is growing really quickly’

kunimi whispered, peering over his senpai to look at the baby whos eyes kept fluttering

you chuckled while looking at oikawa and him playfully bouncing reyna

‘tooru-san, congratulations on your win. it seems you’ve beaten hajime this time’

you complimented and the brunette smiled brightly at you, adjusting the little girls in his arms

‘ei, y/n-chan, i’ll beat him next time, and next time and the next time!’

every time he said ‘next’ he gave his goddaughter a kiss on her cheek making her giggle

your husband was pouting at the reminder of japan’s loss and you reached over to wrap your arms around him causing hajime to turn his head away from you

‘aww, my 4th baby is sad now’

you cooed and cupped his face delicately on your hands making him sulk and whine

the others, watching the scene, continue to be surprised at this side of their captain that remains to only be caused by you

‘ugh, nearly a decade later and theyre still sappy’

yahaba gagged and watari slapped his back

‘let them be happy’

‘come on! im in the mood for spaghetti! you like spaghetti, tala-chan?’

‘eung!’

mattsun cheered with kindaichi and she raised her hands to share the same energy

once everyone was situated in a restaurant and ordered, small talks were shared around the table of the past

‘haha, spaghetti is how your baba found out about you, tala-chan’

yahaba’s comment made the walking group laugh at the memory of seeing the video you sent in the seijoh group chat

‘i wanted to be creative with my second child since my firstborn was revealed by this loudmouth’

oikawa winced at the indirect diss at him

‘y/n-chan! i was really excited to find out i was going to be an uncle!’

‘youre already an uncle, bakakawa!’

hajime has toned down the insults to keep it pg for the children

‘but-!’

they started to argue, the oldest daughter looking disinterested as she sees this happening or hearing it whenever her dad and uncle video chat

‘it took me forever to find a ‘prego’ pasta sauce in the grocery store like i dont know why. was there a shortage?’

you complained, remembering the frustration

your fellow first years snickered at you and kindaichi prodded fun at you

‘is that why you just outright told him you were pregnant the day you found out?’

you rolled your eyes and watched makki and mattsun and tala watch the youngest as she wiggled her fists in the air and was awake enough to babble ‘makki’ over and over again

that was her first word and although she is now able to say a few words, she still repeats her first word over and over again

‘we had a fight and it just came out so of course i didnt have time to prepare!’

you defended and hajime finished his antics with oikawa just as you said that

‘what-what was your words again? ‘i really want to push you off the roof right now but i want my baby to meet their bastard father first?’‘

you gasped at that regretful statement and punched him in the arm

‘hajime! stop!’

you whined and covered your face with the sleeves of your his hoodie

‘hehe, y/n, you should do that again’

kyotani teased and you glared at him

‘shut up kyotani’

eyebrows were raised

‘eh? are you more hormonal?’

‘do you realize you already have 3 daughters?’

‘iwaizumi-san really wants to have a volleyball team family’

‘at least wait a year and a half, you animals’

‘so,, like hes that good huh?’

hajime growled and leaned over to intimidate but you snarled and jumped on your feet, being held back by the arms by kindaichi and hajime to stop yourself from leaping across the table to kill yahaba

‘keep talking like shite and i’ll make sure none of you become the godfather of this baby’

okay what

one, did you just curse

and two, this baby?!

‘im big sister again?!’

reyna ruined the surprised silence and then chaos ensued

‘WHAT!’

‘BABY?!’

‘THIS BABY?!’

you just realized what you said and smirked at the chaos you created and sat back down, leaning on the back of the chair and smugly taking a sip of your water

‘oh the power i hold in my hands’

you teased and oikawa pointed at you

‘when! how long!’

you looked at hajime who was so shocked that his eyes glazed over and a passerby wouldve thought he was dead

‘apparently 3 months’

oikawa started counting and his eyes widened at that thought

‘you-! you stayed in argentina! in my house! my house-!’

‘yep. both of them created under your house’

what 

!!!!!

hajime fainted 

oikawa screamed

a/n: okay i admit i got a little too carried away with this one. i just love filo!iwa and this was mostly written in his pov bc cmon we all know we love iwa and fell in love w him the moment we saw him

[literaryfic]

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: 빈센조 | Vincenzo (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Vincenzo Cassano | Park Joo Hyeong/Hong Cha Young Characters: Hong Cha Young, Vincenzo Cassano | Park Joo Hyeong Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, vincenzo leaves, set five years after he left sk, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, vincenzo and cha-young are exes, they were in a relationship before, Fake/Pretend Relationship, jealous!vincenzo, Jealousy

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO @trynatalktou FOR BEING THE BEST BETA I COULD’VE ASKED FOR. THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO HER!

Summary: Time stops, or so it seems. Vincenzo is petrified, beautiful statue of a man turned into stone. Her eyes follow the high bridge of his nose, the sharp angle of his jaw and the curves of his slender hands gripping the coffee mug. Ah, she thinks. This is how Pygmalion fell in love with Galatea.

listen to this spotify playlist while reading if you want to suffer

Cha-young doesn’t dream that night; she barely sleeps 5 hours before she finds herself knocking on Vincenzo’s door at 6 am. She can’t help it, being in a room just underneath his, so close after all those years apart. Yet, she doesn’t want to show him mercy. She’s here to torment him, the way his absence had tormented her for years. Maybe she wasn’t thinking clearly, maybe she probably shouldn’t seek him out first, or at all. 

In reality, Cha-young knows damn well that she’s trying to find an excuse to be with him, not that she would ever admit it to anyone. 

So there she is, pounding on his door at 6 in the morning. He stands there, wearing one of his expensive pyjama sets, dark circles sitting under his eyes. She can’t quite tell if she’d woken him up or if he hadn’t slept yet.

“Did you even love me?”, she greets him. Good morning is overrated anyway. 

He sighs, letting her through. “You know that.” 

“No, I don’t. I don’t know anything anymore, Vincenzo.”

She stops in her tracks, the world suddenly spinning around her. He’s standing behind her, a mere arm length away. She’s stuck in his gravitational pull, a planet orbiting around its sun. The sharp sensation of her nails digging into her palms is enough to get her moving. She sits on the couch, the same one she’d sat in just a few hours ago. 

“I did. I do.” He clears his throat, looking away. “Love you, I mean.” 

She nibbles on her lower lip, trying (and failing miserably) to ignore his use of the present tense. He loves her, still. She shakes her head. 

“Well, you seemed to be living well without me.”, her expression turns sour. Was it love to hope he’d grieved her loss as much as she had grieved his? 

Vincenzo finally settles in the chair facing her, running a hand through his hair. “There was a point where I wasn’t sure… I wasn’t sure if I would make it.” He winces. “During that time, my only salvation was knowing each day brought me closer to death.” He looks at her, gaze so intense it pierces right through her heart. 

She scoffs, “And I’m the dramatic one, huh?” 

That gets a laugh out of him, and suddenly they’re back where they first started, complicit smiles and knowing looks - them against the world. 

“Coffee?” he asks, eager to keep up the pleasant atmosphere. There’s still a lot that needs to be said, but she relaxes her shoulders, welcoming the lighter turn their conversation is taking. 

“Yes, please.” 

He busies himself with the instant coffee, that same yellow brand he’d gotten hooked up on while they worked together. “So what have you been up to, exactly?” 

“Jipuragi Law Firm just opened a new office in Busan, things are going well. It’s nice, we get to help people who need it. Probably not as exciting as being in a mafia war or whatever.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” he gives her a cup of coffee and sits down next to her on the couch. There’s a safe distance between them, but there’s no point trying to shush the deafening beat of her heart. “Your father would be proud of you, Cha-young-ah.”

“You think?”, she sips on her coffee. She looks up from her mug, only to find him examining her face. His lips curl in a soft grin, and Cha-young thinks that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad if she kissed it. 

The loud ringtone startles her out of the daydream, and she’s not sure if she’s supposed to be annoyed or thankful. She picks up the phone. “Mmh. Okay. See you soon,” she drags out the last word, using the endearing tone she reserved for those closest to her. Mr. Kwon, her assistant, was asking her to eat breakfast with the team. 

“I have to go.”, she tells him, getting up from the couch. 

He takes her mug from her, “I didn’t realise you were here with someone.” 

She hears it loud and clear, in the way he fakes nonchalance and keeps his voice cautious. He’s asking her if she’s with someone and part of her wants to reassure him that No. There is no one else beside you. But then she thinks of the countless times where she’d cried herself to sleep, memories of them echoing into her mind and his absence carving a hole into her heart, and she can’t help herself. He had wounded her fatally and it was her turn to injure him. 

“Mmh.”, she’s not lying, technically. She’s there with someone, with people actually, just not in the way he means. 

Time stops, or so it seems.Vincenzo is petrified, beautiful statue of a man turned into stone. Her eyes follow the high bridge of his nose, the sharp angle of his jaw and the curves of his slender hands gripping the coffee mug. Ah, she thinks. This is how Pygmalion fell in love with Galatea. 

The empty mug drops to the ground and the spell is broken. Brought back to life, Vincenzo collects the shattered pieces of the cup, and of his heart, too. “Is he a good person?”. Unlike me, he means. 

Cha-young has to remind herself that he deserves this, that this is his fault. “Mmh”, she repeats. “He is.” 

He’s back to the coffee station, his back to her. “I’m happy for you.”, his voice is tight. 

“Thank you.”, she’s almost at the door when she stops. “Maybe...Maybe we could be friends.”

He turns around, finally facing her. The distance between them, from one side of the room to the other, feels insurmountable. 

“Perhaps. If that’s okay with you.”, he answers. 

She doesn’t know what to say, so she stays silent. Is it possible for them to be anything else other than a tragic ending? 

“Perhaps. If that’s okay with you.”, he answers. 

She doesn’t know what to say, so she stays silent for a while. Would it ever be possible for them to be anything other than a tragic ending? 

She finally settles on a simple, “See you around.” An open ending, then. 

She’s cursing herself out the moment she leaves the room. What was she thinking? Cha-young had just lied to Vincenzo about being on holiday with her imaginary boyfriend. No, she corrects herself, she had simply misled him and he should’ve known better. 

She could picture it already; his aggravating smirk, raised eyebrows and insufferable “Oh, is that so?”, after she’d have to inevitably come clean. If only she hadn’t been so impulsive. Vincenzo would figure out her motivations the moment she’d admit to the lie; she wanted to see him jealous, to make him think she was doing better without him, that she was over him. He would see through the façade she had worked hard to maintain. 

Flushing at the thought of the colossal humiliation she would suffer, Cha-young scolds herself. Focus. This was a war that she needed to win. Like a general preparing for battle, she squares her shoulders and summons her most loyal soldier.

“Hey, it’s me. I have a favour to ask. Can you be my boyfriend for the next two weeks?” 

<>

At 37 years old, Kwon Ji-hwan considered himself to be a resilient man with a good head on his shoulders. In the four years he has been working for Ms. Hong, carrying out tasks outside of his job description was far from rare. Those included, but were certainly not limited to: picking her up after she’d drunk too much, infiltrating a yoga class to seduce a corrupt official’s wife, impersonating a law enforcement officer and hijacking an ambulance. In Ms. Hong’s vocabulary, a “favour” almost always meant something illegal. Despite her… methods, Ji-hwan enjoyed working for her greatly. The hours might have been long but the satisfaction of winning against the odds of powerful corporations made up for it. Also, the pay was really good. Still, as used to her antics as he was, he would’ve never expected her to ask something so absurd of him. 

Sitting there, in Ms. Hong’s hotel room (which, by the way, was way nicer than the regular ones she’d gotten for her employees), Ji-hwan cannot believe what he’s hearing. 

“Let me get this right,” he says, adjusting his glasses with his index finger. “You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend in front of your ex, who you’re obviously still in love with even though it’s been FIVE years—” 

“Yah!” 

“—because you want to make him jealous. Did I miss anything?” 

“That pretty much covers it.”, his boss replies, not even bothering to look ashamed. He looks at her, shaking his head. “So, will you do it?” 

He sighs, “What did this guy do to you for you to be so hung up on him after all this time?” 

He was not expecting the sorrow on her face as she answered, “He was there for me during the worst times of my life. We went through hell and back for each other. And then, one day, he left without saying anything.” 

“Wait, just like that? He didn’t even break up with you?” Ji-hwan raises his eyebrows. 

“Nope”, she accentuates the ‘P’. “He simply wrote ‘Live well.’ on a napkin and I never heard of him again. Until now.”

He scratches the top of his head, “What a fucking jerk.” She laughs, it’s rare to hear Ji-hwan swear. Finally, he rolls his eyes. “Fine, I’m in.”

“Yes, I knew you wouldn’t let me down. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She’s doing her little victory dance now, shaking her hips in the least graceful way possible. Like every time his boss convinces him to blur the line of what is morally acceptable, Ji-hwan is regretting this already.

“If I said no, you would have threatened to fire me anyway.” 

“You know it.”

[elizabethrobertajones]

Did Bobo really create the Wayward Sisters? If so, why weren't Jack and especially Cas included in that episode? That's my biggest issue with that pilot honestly, I mean, the fact that the show abandoned Claire and Cas' bond after season 10 and gave that storyline to Salmondean. Her bond with Cas is more interesting because of their connection to the Novaks. I also think that Claire and Jack would've made a more engaging dynamic and spin off together, I think they're strong characters & actors

Hi there!

Bobo isn’t the “creator” of Wayward so much as it can even have one, as it was a very organic idea, which even involved a healthy amount of fandom input. The original campaign in season 10 was for Wayward Daughters, and the idea picked up so much steam the altered title for, I guess, a mix of copyright and thematic relevance was the Sisters one. I’d say 10x08 was the real genesis of it as something that could be really solid. Once Kim and Briana were put together the chemistry and star power they could have had together was really meteoric as far as our small SPN world was concerned. Phil Sgriccia directed 9x13 and wrote 10x08 and was more of the parent of Wayward than any specific writer in that sense. Jody and Claire were pretty much common property of the show by that point. Claire was really introduced again in relation to plotlines and questions about Cas and less to do with them really going out of their way to re-launch her. I think they’d have been much cornier about it from the start and while YA protagonist diary writing her way through the end of Wayward Sisters was cute, it’s the sort of cutesy that really has to be earned. If she STARTED that way, like maybe me and 3 friends would be stanning her and everyone else would be revolted :P

(I am a YA fantasy novel author, but I do think everyone should make room in their hearts for this level of cheese)

In any case, Bobo just threw his hat into an already crowded ring with Alex, but obviously loving the characters and having his own personal wayward child to contribute did help elevate him to the prospective showrunner seat, but also all the other writers who’d written these characters except Dabb had left at that point. If Bobo was going to shepherd them through to their new show, he’d be the legacy writer, even though he was a new baby writer in the season Donna was introduced... Attrition aside, he did genuinely write them very well, loved their stories and was great with writing Jody when he could get her, so he would also have been a good choice even if all the others were left still... 

But anyway. Season 10′s subplot for Cas was about Claire and learning some stuff about himself along the way, but she was used very much for his personal development and for Dean as well, being a mini Dean herself in a season where he had lost a lot of his sense of self. It’s a total accident of scheduling but Angel Heart (10x20) being the last episode before 10x22 is a nice touch in that regard. And while Cas tried really hard with Claire and awoke his inner Dad side so that he’d be more prepared for fatherhood next time, it was pretty insurmountable between them to have anything more than a bittersweet relationship where the best he could do was make up with her and see her somewhere safe. The fact of him looking like her actual dead father is horrendous the more you think about it and while she managed to see him for who he was instead of a horrible monster, that’s more than enough trauma to inflict on an already traumatised girl for the sake of helping Cas’s manpain and tidying up the sticky question of Jimmy and Cas’s right to the vessel. 

Angel Heart very specifically ends with TFW mailing Claire to Jody because they know she’s already good with Alex in a genuine way and can handle these sort of issues and has done it before. And also because she can be a guardian who will not constantly remind Claire that her father is dead but something is walking around wearing a perfect reconstruction of his face. Carver era did a few things here and there with bodily autonomy and the problem of angel and demon vessels, but it was also really hit and miss. They’d get random waves of feeling guilty about it but then by necessity go back to stabbing angels in their still-living vessels an episode later. Claire was a way to address at the very least that whatever Cas was being put through was only a punishment on Cas and not on Jimmy as well, which is probably why we got such sappy Heaven scenes. We NEEDED to be shown he was in Heaven and largely okay with what was going on so that the show could justify using Cas at all as a character without breaking the code of ethics they tried to make their own characters adhere to. Aside from that it also gave Cas a side plot for when he wasn’t needed in the main plot, and any emotional connection to anything that wasn’t Sam and Dean.

Anyway 10x20 caused this huge fandom high which was followed by one of the lowest lows of the fandom immediately after, and both centred on female characters (in fact, now we know, 2 lesbians even! Though I’d wonder if, The Gay Agenda aside, Bobo spite-wrote that specifically because of the roots of Wayward) and I think that galvanised the whole movement of fans and hopefully some self-reflection in the show. They DID start making an effort in season 11, which shows some of the early signs of better inclusion but also backtracking or edging nervously away from the more intense Carver era stuff. Not just because Dean didn’t have the Mark any more but in general it was like someone had opened a window and let in some fresh air... Even before Carver bailed somewhere around the midseason to go do a different show and Dabb started to step up. 

All this to say that the Wayward stuff was always about the female characters and making up for the past sins of the show. It’s even a riff on the “wayward son” line which obviously centres around male protagonists and their journey. Claire stumbled into being a part of it in the lucky way of being in the right place and time, but the journey had already started even in the season 10 momentum with earlier work and it was that which suddenly made the prospect that Jody had two young women living with her now seem like a starter for the next generation of the show as it was a mirrored format to season 1 in a way, if you took Alex and Claire as the new Sam and Dean. It was exciting but people flipped out after Angel Heart because stuff had been bubbling since season 9 and earlier in season 10, so this was just pouring more candy into an already visibly full bowl of potential tasty gems. It made a possibility seem real that hadn’t before because we already had Kim bitterly complaining that the CW refused to hear the case for a Jody spin off because she was too old. The next best thing was a Jody spin off where she was the Gandalf to some CW age appropriate characters.

(the CW is and always has been garbage)

Anyway in season 13 Jack was introduced as a Claire 2.0 but as a male character with staying power for that reason, but he was filling the space she left for Cas. He couldn’t be a father to her and neither really wanted that set up anyway. But thematically it had created the possibility of Dadstiel and the space he had in his heart for that. Since the show was in its waning years they would be looking for endgame and handing Cas an easy win with a son he could unconditionally love who would love him back unconditionally absolutely filled that gap. It was a non SamnDean thing that Cas could have for himself outside of whatever happened with them. Not sure the memo came back that he was supposed to have mORE than that but oh well it’s not real if you don’t watch it :))) But yeah Jack was always going to be linked to Cas’s endgame, he wasn’t a free-floating character such as Jody who could go where she wanted and do as she pleased. He was main story relevant from start to finish and tied inexorably to another main character’s fate. Because the show wouldn’t do that with its female characters they could be bundled into spin offs but in practical terms Jack was both never what the Wayward as envisioned by fans or writers was about, nor would he have been free to go. 

Since it would have been about centering the stories of people overlooked by the main story, Claire a case in point that she had her life ruined in season 4 and it was a footnote until season ten, and then metaphorically more the concept of having queer and non-white characters in the mix of main characters, it would have represented a future of the story where the main show was unable to tread. Probably because of the CW. Also inherent biases in the writers. Bad cocktail. Jack is both too white and too male to fit the brief to ever leave SPN, and not only that but he is so as a precise mirror to the main white male characters, being passably any one of their sons if you squint, and meant to be instantly instinctively read as such... he was one of the safest bets of representing the show as the network wanted to imagine its target demographic.

So I really don’t think that Jack has any place being in a spin off of the show unless you want more of the same. They tried to give us something different and the CW didn’t like it because it wasn’t more of the same. Ironically a Jack spin off, with or without Claire, would have more chance of being greenlit and more chance of success. But the spin off they put their heart behind was Wayward Sisters as it was. And I think it was absolutely correct that never mind leaving Jack out of it after his work was done in the lead up episode to help set the table, but honestly they could have cut all the middle scenes of Sam and Dean wandering in the woods and gained precious seconds with the girls and still had a functioning story with those guys. It was like some cowardly missive was sent that the show couldn’t actually go more than 10 minutes without showing a flesh and blood Winchester or the whole thing would spontaneously sizzle out of syndication and the money tree would wither on the spot. And in the mean time, we could have been having Banter with the girls. Or Claire and Kaia holding hands some more. The good stuff :P 

[rhysismydaddy]

Failing a Polygraph (Nessian)

All I write is Nessian. Wrote this in 5 minutes because I had a dream about being in the CIA and having to take one of these.

________________________________________________________________

“State your name for the record.”

“Nesta Archeron.”

The annoyingly beautiful man across from her smiled as the polygraph machine started taking down a baseline. 

Nesta sat, perfectly unmoving, and tried not to roll her eyes. These things were so tedious. And besides being a huge waste of time, they’d taught her in the academy how to beat one, so it was actually kind of pointless. 

“Date of birth?”

She sighed. “March 15th, 1995.”

“Just two days after mine,” Cassian pointed out, oh-so-helpfully. 

“That’s not a question.”

He smiled, dimples popping up on his tan skin. “Right you are. You’re applying to the Paramilitary Operations Unit, correct?”

“Yes.” 

He should very well know, considering it was his unit, but she kept that to herself. 

“Why?”

Fuck, I hate polygraphs. 

“I’ve maintained my cover during my three years with the CIA, so I’d be perfect for undercover ops.” He didn’t look impressed, so she continued. “Plus, I aced all the exams to enter the unit.”

“Did you now?”

She didn’t ask why he didn’t just look at the needle in front of him to see that it was the truth. Cassian just sat there, smirking like always, golden eyes studying everything about her. 

“I believe I scored one point higher than you, actually,” she said cooly, unable to help it. 

She never had figured out how to bite her tongue around him. 

They’d met around two weeks ago, after her preliminary interview for the unit. Nesta had bumped into him in the hallway, not known he lead the program she desperately wanted to be a part of, and had given him her piece of mind when he’d commented on her dress.

Or rather, what was under her dress. 

It wasn’t exactly a great first impression.

Not that he seemed to mind. Ever since then, he’d been teasing her, and flirting with her, and driving her insane in every possible way. 

Including now. 

Cassian smiled, leaning back in the chair and watching the needle move in between them. 

“Tell me a secret,” he said, eyes twinkling with undisguised interest.

Just to mess with him, she responded, “I had a dream about you last night.”

He twirled a hand in the air. “Elaborate.”

“I was at a drive-thru, and you were the one flipping burgers,” Nesta replied, biting her lip to keep the smile off her face.

“Very funny.” He scowled at her, which only made her smile grow. “Have you ever committed a crime?”

“Nope.” She gave him a small smile. “Contemplated assault a few times, though.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. “Have you ever committed an act of treason against the United States?”

“No.”

“Great. Boring questions are out of the way.” 

Wonderful.

“What’s your most embarrassing memory?”

Nesta finally gave into the urge to roll her eyes. “In ninth grade, I got off the school bus and the wind lifted up my skirt. And before you ask, yes, I was wearing underwear.”

“I’m jealous of the kid behind you,” he joked, running a hand through his hair. She traced the motion, wondering how the hell he managed to look good even under fluorescent lighting. “Let’s see... what else do I want to know?”

“No, what else do you need to know? For the purpose of giving me a job?”

He shrugged one of his massive shoulders. “Same difference, baby. I want to know... won’t you find it difficult?”

“Find what difficult, Cassian?” she spat back, both loving and dreading the tone of his voice. 

He smirked, full lips so damn distracting. “Working under me.”

It was an innocent question, but the way he said it made it beyond obvious what he meant. 

“Nope,” she replied, popping the p with satisfaction. 

“Really?” he scoffs, golden eyes twinkling with mischief. “I mean, it’s beyond obvious you’re attracted to me.”

Nesta gritted her teeth, the urge to rip the wires off her and strangle him with them growing by the second. “First, I’ll remind you this is a professional polygraph.” He rolled his eyes. “Second, you’re supposed to be asking me questions.”

“Fine.” He leaned forward, thick arms crossed on the table. “Are you attracted to me, Nesta?”

Her mouth dropped open on its own accord. Is he serious?

“I’m reporting you to your superiors,” she mumbled back, face heating with a blush. 

A laugh. “Who, Rhysand? My best friend? Fell free. Now answer the question.”

“What question was that, exactly?” she asked, trying everything to stall the inevitable. 

Cassian rolled his eyes, well on to her games. “Nesta Archeron, are you attracted to me?”

“No,” she said back, using all the tips and tricks she’d learned in the academy to fool the machine. 

He grinned, eyes shooting to the polygraph machine between them. They lit up like a fucking kid on Christmas when he looked back up. “That’s a lie.”

Shit shit shit. There was literally no telling what was going to happen next. 

“Machines make mistakes.”

Cassian shrugged, leaning closer to her. “Next question, then. Have you ever imagined having sex with me?”

Every time I look at you, you fucking miserable bastard.

“No.”

He didn’t even need the polygraph to catch that lie. Her blush was so bad, she wondered if she’d catch fire and burn through her skin. This was the most embarrassing thing she’d ever gone through. 

Except, for some reason, she wasn’t that embarrassed. It was obvious he already knew she was attracted to him, so he was probably just messing with her. 

“That’s a lie,” he repeated with a smile. 

Before he could ask another damning question, she said, “This is very unprofessional. And annoying. If this were reversed, would you endure it?”

“Yep. Ask me anything you want.”

She hadn’t really seen that coming. 

She decided to give him a taste of his own sickeningly sweet medicine. “Are you attracted to me?” she asked, sure he’d lie and say no. He hadn’t been the only one to catch onto something.

“Yes, I am. Infuriatingly so.”

Nesta decided she’d never breathe normally again, but she whispered back, “And have you thought about-”

“Having sex with you? Oh, baby girl, you have no idea. I think about having you under me all the fucking time.” He gave her a sour look. “I hardly get anything done with you around.”

She needed to get her jaw wired shut or something, because it was ridiculous to just sit here with her mouth open like this. 

“So, you see, you can’t be in the unit.” Wait, what? I’m going to fucking kill him. “And before you try to strangle me, I’ve already recommended you for the Special Operations Unit, which is basically the same thing, just not for vets. Okay?”

Wait... then why- “Why the hell did you make me take this poly, then?”

He smiled that little smile of his. “I had a hunch you wanted to jump me, but I couldn’t be sure until I had you hooked up to this thing.”

Oh, that’s it. Nesta grabbed the wires across her chest and threw them on the table with a growl, getting up so fast her chair hit the wall with a bang. 

She exploded into the hallway, practically sprinting towards towards the exit. She was almost there, literally had her hand around the handle, when something wrapped around her waist and pulled her the other direction. 

Straight into a supply closet. 

“What the-”

Cassian grabbed her wrists and slammed them above her head into the door now closed behind her, then pressed his lips roughly against hers. 

His mouth was hot on hers, devouring her everywhere, and he kissed her like a drowning man coming up for air. 

And, much to her own surprise, she kissed him back. 

She told him how much she hated--and wanted--him with her mouth, making sure he understood her perfectly. Nesta knew she should stop, knew they were at work and that she wasn’t about to let him have her in a damned supply closet.

But she also couldn’t bring herself to care.

So she kissed him until she went weak in the knees, and his arms wrapped around her waist to keep her standing. 

He pulled back, nipped her nose, and murmured, “See, I can’t exactly do that to the people in my unit.”

She just nodded and pulled him back down to her. “I’m still filing a complaint about you,” Nesta told him, completely serious.

Cassian kissed her again, lips now sweet against hers. “I’m not worried. Worked out pretty well for me, anyway.”

________________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading... drop prompts/asks in the box :)

Coming out with some Rowaelin tomorrow.

@a-bit-of-a-cactus @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @aesthetics-11 @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @savemesoon8 @hizqueen4life

[booksfromblackwood]

Is anyone still around in this fandom? If so, I thought I’d post the first chapter of an old fic that I re-wrote last year! Let me know if anyone’s still around, and if you’d be interested in reading more! Hope everyone reading this has a great day! :)

Han has left the chat.

Three Days Before The Disappearance

.Sam.Giddings. added josh_wash, ashleeeeey, xXGamerChrisXx, TheOriginalMatt, HanButterfly, BethWash, Mike_Munroe, EmilyD_, and _Jess.Riley_ to the chat.

.Sam.Giddings. named the chat Info For Tomorrow.

.Sam.Giddings.: Hey guys! Just to keep everyone updated on our travel plans for tomorrow! I know it's going to be a long day for everyone so it's vital we stick to the plan and stay in our groups where possible!

ashleeeeey: Okie-doodle!!

TheOriginalMatt: How are you so organised, Sam? You're a lifesaver!

HanButterfly: Hi!!

BethWash: trust sam to be more prepared than those of us organising the trip lol

xXGamerChrisXx: Since when was 'okie-doodle' a thing?

EmilyD_: Thanks Sam x

xXGamerChrisXx: And thanks so much, sam!

.Sam.Giddings.: So quick reminder of everyone's groups:

_Jess.Riley_: I'm stoked!!

ashleeeeey: That's rich coming from someone whose username is xXGamerChrisXx! :P

.Sam.Giddings.: Ash, Chris, Matt, and myself will start the journey first tomorrow morning.

xXGamerChrisXx: You wound me!

Mike_Munroe: Thanks for the plan, Sam!

TheOriginalMatt: Excited to see everyone tomorrow! This is going to be a killer weekend for sure!!

.Sam.Giddings.: Em, Mike, and Jess, you guys are next.

ashleeeeey: You're so dramatic!! XD

Mike_Munroe: Team Two here we go!!

xXGamerChrisXx: Made you smile, though! ;-)

josh_wash: what about us

.Sam.Giddings.: I'm just getting to that!

ashleeeeey: True :)

xXGamerChrisXx: You guys are already there and are therefore irrelevant! :P

.Sam.Giddings.: Han, Beth, and Josh, you guys are there already!

josh_wash: thanks cochise i feel so appreciated

BethWash: lol thanks chris

Mike_Munroe: So, what are we all up to?

BethWash: i found cake

xXGamerChrisXx: Browsing reddit like a nerd XD

ashleeeeey: Listening to Sam's rundown of tomorrow unlike sOmE pEoPlE *coughcoughChris*

EmilyD_: Honestly just packing my final things with Jess. Mike's mostly watching the TV.

xXGamerChrisXx: :-(

.Sam.Giddings.: So, tonight we should all make sure our bags are packed and that we have our passports and tickets ready!! Set your alarms for the right times (depending on your group) and make sure to sleep early too (especially if you're in my group since tomorrow will be an early start for us)!

ashleeeeey: :)

TheOriginalMatt: 5am gang where we AT?

HanButterfly: Beth where are you rn? Because I want some of that cake!!

.Sam.Giddings.: So Team One (myself, Chris, Ash, and Matt), we need to be up by 5:00am and be ready by 5:30am for the taxi to the airport!! Matt and Chris, yours is going to be at Chris' place at 5:24 for some reason so make sure to be ready!!

BethWash: the lodge kitchen bcos where else would there be cake han lol

.Sam.Giddings.: We'll meet up at the airport when we arrive! Once we re-group, we'll check in, probably eat some breakfast whilst we wait, and then catch the 8:30 plane!!

TheOriginalMatt: Sweet!

ashleeeeey: Can't wait! :)

josh_wash: yo matt you surviving the puns

.Sam.Giddings.: Team Two - you guys don't have to be up until around 9:00am since your taxi is at 9:20 and then your plane is at 11:30!

HanButterfly: Josh would you like me to save you some cake before we eat it all? :)

EmilyD_: We'll need a little longer than 20 minutes to all get ready but sure x

TheOriginalMatt: Just about! Myself and Chris have mostly been playing on his PS4 so I've been distracting myself with that! XD

josh_wash: yes please!

josh_wash: i feel for ya bro, a whole evening with chris' puns can prove fatal

josh_wash: you die of cringe

Mike_Munroe: Poor ol' Chris XD

.Sam.Giddings.: Once we arrive and get our bags, we need to catch the 2:30pm train and then the 4:20 bus! After that we have to take the 5:40 bus (I sent you guys screenshots of the route yesterday) and get off at Blackwood Pines ready for our hike up the mountain (with a little help from the cable car, of course)!

xXGamerChrisXx: I'm being BULLIED guys :(

ashleeeeey: Aw, poor Chris! :P

josh_wash: jk XD

TheOriginalMatt: I like how Sam's still here typing all we need to know whilst we're talking about cake and puns XD

.Sam.Giddings.: Team Two, you guys need to catch either the 5:30pm or the 6:00pm train depending on when your stuff arrives. After that you'll need to get the 7:50 bus and then the 8:40 bus to Blackwood Pines (you have to specify you want it to stop there or the driver won't stop) before you head up. Remember to lock the cable car station once you get in, Mike!

josh_wash: oh gosh tHE CAKE

Mike_Munroe: Gotcha' Sam!

HanButterfly: No worries, Josh! I managed to save most of it from Beth!

BethWash: rip my chance at a third slice of cake

_Jess.Riley_: Really, thanks Sam! We're all packed and ready to go! Xx

HanButterfly: It's really going to be such an awesome weekend! I can't wait :D

ashleeeeey: Thank you so much for inviting me! I've never been on something like this before!! :D

TheOriginalMatt: Yeah, thank you so much guys! I can't wait either, Han!!

.Sam.Giddings.: Have we got rooms sorted out for the lodge, guys?

BethWash: ash take the plans away from sam so she can have time to relax lol

EmilyD_: I'm with Mike in the room away from everyone like agreed right x

ashleeeeey: I'm trying but she won't let me! XD

HanButterfly: I mean if needs be we can sort out rooms once we're here! If not maybe we just sort out the first night rooms since it'll be fairly late when everyone arrives and then we can adjust them as needed as the trip goes on!

BethWash: lol poor sam will be up all night organising at this rate

.Sam.Giddings.: Sounds good, Han!

Mike_Munroe: Great idea, Hannah!

BethWash: em, yours and mike's room (upstairs guest) may not be ready first night so is it possible for you to share a room with jess til we get a chance to sort it out tomorrow?

EmilyD_: That's fine, hon. Thank you again for the trip and for letting us use the upstairs guest room x

josh_wash: how about for the first night emily and jess share beth's room and then beth sam and han go in hannah's room

josh_wash: mike can go to the small room downstairs if he's alright w/ that and matt can room w/ me

xXGamerChrisXx: Yo dude you forgot ash

ashleeeeey: It's alright, Chris! I can find somewhere!

EmilyD_: Ash you're honestly lovely but I'd kinda' like to be with either Jess or Mike if that's alright xx

ashleeeeey: No problem, Emily! I wouldn't want to intrude! :)

EmilyD_: Knew you'd understand xx

josh_wash: why dont you and ash share a room cochise

xXGamerChrisXx: I thought I was rooming with you and matt?

josh_wash: bro please just think for a minute here

ashleeeeey: I'm not sure.

xXGamerChrisXx: Beth, han, and sam, is there any room with you guys?

ashleeeeey: I'm really sorry to be a bother!!

.Sam.Giddings.: Of course you can room with us, Ash! We'd love to have you with us! :)

BethWash: im with sam

HanButterfly: Of course!!

xXGamerChrisXx: Thank you to the only valid washington kids right now!

josh_wash: -_-

xXGamerChrisXx: I see what you're doing, josh. ha ha, we've had our laugh, now please stop before this weekend.

Mike_Munroe: Rough subject, huh?

josh_wash: bro chill you know i was just joking

ashleeeeey: I'm really sorry!! Please don't get upset with each other!

xXGamerChrisXx: No ash it's alright! i promise i'm not actually mad! :-)

josh_wash: he acts mad over text to get his point across but he literally just sits there with a blank expression irl XD

TheOriginalMatt: Is Sam still there, Ash? Haven't heard from her in a while!

TheOriginalMatt: Gotta check up on my plane buddy for tomorrow!!

_Jess.Riley_: Did you guys get window seats or middle isle seats? I got a middle isle and the others got a window!

BethWash: she hasn't drowned in her notes has she lol

TheOriginalMatt: We got two sets of window seats! Though I don't know which of us is actually going to be at the window and which one will be window isle!

ashleeeeey: She's just brushing her teeth! Her mom came in and brought us a load of vegan snacks for the trip tomorrow and now I'm even more excited!!

ashleeeeey: Speaking of which, I'm probably going to head to sleep in a minute! Though I'm not sure how much I'll actually get since I'm so excited!!! :)

xXGamerChrisXx: Sleep well, ash. see you in the morning :-)

ashleeeeey: Night, Chris :)

ashleeeeey has left the chat.

_Jess.Riley_: Well that was cute!

xXGamerChrisXx: People say goodnight to eachother! that's a normal human interaction!

_Jess.Riley_: You know full well it's cute when it's you two

.Sam.Giddings.: Ash told me she logged out so I came to say goodnight!

josh_wash: w/ jess on this one bro

HanButterfly: Goodnight, Sam!

BethWash: night sam!

josh_wash: dont let the bedbugs bite!

TheOriginalMatt: See you bright and early tomorrow!!

.Sam.Giddings.: See you at the airport/lodge, guys!

xXGamerChrisXx: Night!

.Sam.Giddings. has left the chat.

BethWash: its cute because you like eachother chris

xXGamerChrisXx has left the chat.

HanButterfly: Aww, don't tease the poor guy!

TheOriginalMatt: Chris says goodnight, as do I! Can't wait to see you all tomorrow!

BethWash: night guys!

TheOriginalMatt has left the chat.

josh_wash: night!

Mike_Munroe: Make sure to save me a slice of that cake, Han! I gtg!

Mike_Munroe has left the chat.

HanButterfly: Goodnight Mike :)

EmilyD_: We'd best be off too. See you all in the morning.

_Jess.Riley_: Night x

EmilyD_ has left the chat.

BethWash: night

HanButterfly: Goodnight x

josh_wash: night xxxxxxyzqvp

_Jess.Riley_: Ha ha, very funny. Get that one from Chris?

josh_wash: lol night

_Jess.Riley_ has left the chat.

BethWash: PLEASE can i have some more cake, han?

josh_wash: you guys can literally just talk if you wanted

HanButterfly: Nope! Gotta' save some for Mike~

BethWash: you wont shut up about that for the rest of the evening now, will you?

BethWash: lol

HanButterfly: :P

josh_wash: you guys gossip in the kitchen

josh_wash: imma head to bed

BethWash: night bro

HanButterfly: Sleep well!

josh_wash has left the chat.

BethWash: please?

HanButterfly: No :P

BethWash: ugh night sis

HanButterfly: Night, Beth! XD

BethWash has left the chat.

HanButterfly has left the chat.

[syilcawrites]

a/n: ok ik I said I was going to take a little hiatus but I found this one-shot in my files (back from like aug 2020) so I fixed it up a bit. And I wanted to post this right now for some reason!! (now I’ll take a break from writing heh). Hope ya enjoy it! So summary: Link has an existential crisis in Robbie’s tech lab

ao3

are you in the clouds or the rocks right now?

Link wears their corpse on his skin.

It's heavy and a little stuffy sometimes, but being the winner feels great. Like a sucker-punch to the face, like a ha moment.

Like a I win you lose moment.

Except, the corpse is the one winning and he's the one losing even though he's wearing its skin. Two corpses, to be exact. One (him) is still alive to a degree and the other one (Guardian) is actually really dead. Was the other one (Guardian) even alive to begin with? If Zelda were here, she would say something smart, say something to counter what he was thinking. Maybe like in their own way, they are alive, just like you and I. And then she'll insert another intelligent, meaningful phrase, and he'll nod and say yes, you're right.

Or something like that.

He's not entirely sure, because he's never met her—not really.

"Perfect fit!" Robbie says, smiling with all teeth. He's so short. Link wonders if Robbie has always been that short. Link also measured himself last week—he grew approximately five whole centimeters, but he's still pretty short. Does that mean both of Link's parents were short too?

Parents.

That means… why hasn't he thought about this before? It's never crossed his mind that he has a family, he had a family—

"Hm, hm, just a few more tweaks and then your shield will be ready too," Robbie says, and his voice sort of bonks Link on the forehead. Knocks his thoughts on the ground, and it's just

s p l a t t e r e d

in between the two of them, but Robbie doesn't even realize it's there.

"Nice," Link says, through his teeth. He tears his gaze away from the mess on the ground that Robbie can't see, and in return Robbie hands Link the helmet. It looks like a bucket; a trash bucket. But Link doesn't say that and decides to just stare at the helmet blankly because for some reason when he stares blankly people don't ask him questions and Link really doesn't want to be asked questions right now.

Today is one of those bad days. One of those days where he can't really hear her—hear Zelda. She disappears sometimes; for weeks, even. He usually hears her in the flap of the birds, in the whistling wind; sometimes in the ground, within the tremor of the dirt or the coolness of the grass.

She usually likes staying above though, in the sky, and who can blame her? It's so free up there, and she's been stuck down here for a century. He would've gotten tired too.

"Well, try it Link!"

So Link tries it. He puts it on, and he can see through the eyes of the Guardians now. He wonders if he can see his own death through these too, if he goes back to Blatchery Plain.

"You're right, it's perfect." He takes off the trash bucket, tucking it snug between his arm and his hip as he fishes for some extra rupees. Robbie's been a lot of help, because he keeps Link from getting blasted to smithereens whenever he goes toe to toe with a Guardian. Well, tentacle to toe—were the limbs of Guardian's called tentacles? They definitely weren't toes.

Toetacles?

Zelda probably wouldn't laugh if he said that to her, but he still wants to tell her anyway. Maybe she'll laugh at how dumb it sounds, then she'll smile and then he'll smile because she's smiling and that'll be a really nice thing to see. It would definitely be a nice thing to see.

He hands Robbie the extra rupees, and the little old man doesn't hesitate to take it. He then tosses Link some extra ancient parts for some reason, which… defeats the whole purpose of him giving Robbie a tip. But Link isn't going to say no either to additional material—material that's definitely going to end up back in Robbie's hands when he comes back to Akkala for more weapons (and Akkala buns).

"You heading back to Hateno any time soon?"

Link struggles to pull the rest of the Ancient Armor off of him as he thinks.

"Yeah, I was gonna head there next. Maybe," he says, with a grunt, tugging one last time over his shoulders—the Ancient Cuirass pops off of him, finally.

It's been a while since he's been at his house—a month to be exact—because he has all of his dead friends' weapons hung up on the walls. For some reason he thought it would make him feel better, but it just makes him feel worse.

And they're dead. They're all dead.

His stomach twists into knots, as he quickly pulls the Champion's Tunic back over him, so his heartbeat can stop THUMPING against his chest.

THUMP-THUMP. Someone is knocking politely (yet loudly) on the door to his heart.

Safe, a voice reassures him. With it on, he's safe.

He straps his belts around him tightly, trying to concentrate on his fingers moving rather than the fact that his fingers can't do anything he wants them to do. Can't save anything. They can hold a sword and a sword is supposed to protect yet he can't even do that.

"Whenever you go back, would you give this to Purah for me?" Robbie is already fishing for something through his mess of a desk, scattering all sorts of metal trinkets onto the ground, before Link even responds. Everyone knows that Link will always says yes, I will. I'll help. Because he's a hero. "Thanks a lot," Robbie says, placing the thick paper envelope into Link's outstretched hand. The paper is wrinkled and yellowing—how old is it?

"Anytime." Link slips it into his shirt, where it'll be safe. With all the belts attached to him, it's like he can store anything in there because nothing falls out. He's stored all sorts of things—weapons, material, random stuff he finds around Hyrule that he thinks looks cool; like a pebble. He found one shaped like a heart on Death Mountain before. He likes to bring it around with him, in his shirt of course, for good luck.

Link presses his hand against his chest to feel the envelope. He's never stuffed paper behind his tunic before, and it feels… heavy. Physically, it is heavy since it's a package of envelopes… but there's something else to it that he can't quite put any of his fingers on.

"What is it?" Link asks, keeping his hand pressed against his chest. Hearing the crinkle of the old paper is satisfying to his ears. It's sharp and loud. It reminds him of swords clashing against one another.

Robbie doesn't say anything for a moment, and he doesn't look at Link either. "Just about a world you've forgotten. Don't think too hard on it, it's nothing important," Robbie says with a haggard sigh.

Sighing like that only makes Link more curious and agitated about the entire thing now.

"Letters are always important," Link responds back immediately, annoyed. "That's the point of them." He's not sure where he's getting this statement, but it's buried somewhere in his head. It's something he's always known.

He thinks, anyway.

Robbie turns his head to look at him, but Link can't tell what he's seeing because the shade of Robbie's eyeglasses are perfectly tinted. "It doesn't have to mean something, letters can be anything. There's no rules."

"Letters always mean something," Link says, insistent.

Something, nothing, anything; he hates hearing and seeing those words.

The sound of his breathing is loud in his ears, and his hand tightens against the fabric of his tunic, around the shape of the envelopes, as he waits for Robbie to respond.

"You're right," Robbie says. The tone of his voice shifts, as if something has clicked, as if he understands something that Link doesn't understand.

Link takes a step back.

"There's always a meaning..." Robbie's voice sounds smaller and smaller, until Link can't even hear the rest...

He takes another step to the door as his other hand reaches for the Sheikah Slate on his hip.

"Thanks for the armor," Link says, his fingers fumbling on the screen, and he taps onto the closest icon he finds.

"Link—"

Blinding blue light swallows his vision, and Link ceases to exist for just a split second.

——————————————————————

He ended up somewhere in Gerudo, and he sat there for five grueling hours on the edge of a Sheikah Tower before teleporting to Purah's lab to hand her the stash of envelopes.

Now, Link stares down at the empty parchment paper on his desk. He fishes for the single letter he stole from Robbie's stockpile of envelopes.

He hasn't opened it yet—for some reason, he feels like he won't like what he'll see. If it really is just meaningless? Just something... that doesn't really matter? Then what? What matters then, if his own thoughts were going to be considered something useless and unimportant?

Something shiny on it keeps catching his eyes, and irritably, Link stands up to glare at the object on the table downstairs.

The sunlight that glints off of the blade of the Master Sword winks at him. Maybe it's even laughing at him. Sometimes it feels like it is. He stiffly sits back down and hunches over the table so that he doesn't have to see that annoying glint anymore.

Why do people write again? Koko writes letters to her mom, because it means everything to her. It makes her feel better, and Link wants to feel better, so he's going to write, because unlike Robbie, Koko writes with meaning.

Zelda.

It comes out so sloppy, it looks like he wrote Zehdae.

He crumples up the paper and tosses it over his shoulder.

Z...e…l…d…a…

Zelda.

It's the best looking name he's ever written.

"Zelda," he says, loud and clear. But the dry air around him remains quiet.

The longer he stares at the shape of her name, the weirder it looks.

Who is Zelda? Is she the girl from his memories? The girl stuck in the castle? Is she the words that people whisper about? There's a Zelda in his head, a Zelda in the world around him. There's even one that hides in his heart, but that's a Zelda he'll never get to meet.

Link watches the ink from the tip of the quill drip onto the parchment. It taints her name with four dark droplets of varying sizes, but he can still read it, so he doesn't throw it away.

He decides to start off with a question first.

[ms-meredith-milton]

FIC: A Model Patron, 1/?

BLAME @sabrecmc FOR THIS!!!  :)

No idea how far I’ll get--that’s why I’m not putting it on AO3 yet!--but when I saw the prompts @sabrecmc was floating around, one of them bit me and wouldn’t let go until I wrote this down.  So whatever gets written is a gift to Sabre while P&P is playing hide and seek with my muse!

Fic: A Model Patron

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Tags/warnings: BDSM; pre-serum Steve; prostitution / sex work; Great Depression; power imbalance; age difference; eventual graphic kinky sex!

Original Prompt (though I’m taking it in a rather different direction): Prompt 9:  Smol hooker Steve, so I was thinking that it could be Depression-era sort of noir-ish vibes.  With the economy in shambles, lots of people, including many Irish immigrants, turned to selling their bodies to have enough food to eat, but who would want someone like Steve?  Or so Steve figures.  But, he hears about a guy who has been trolling the docks looking for a very particular type of person for certain “special clients”.  Steve’s no stranger to pain, so he figures he can handle it and if it puts some food on the table, it would be worth getting knocked around a bit. At least he would be getting paid as opposed to the usual running his mouth situation.  Or, how smol, 1930’s Steve enters the world of bdsm and finds himself ensconced with a particular reclusive millionaire with very specific tastes.

A Model Patron

When Steve had first accepted a gig at the Academy, he had expected to be humiliated: his imperfect body, frail and small, exposed to a circle of elite art students whose ranks he’d never be able to join.  

But he hadn’t been humiliated by the modeling at all.  The students had been courteous, though distant distant, and as Steve sat on the raised platform, above them, he’d been their muse.  Steve was the center of their devoted concentration, at once a person and an object, as the Master walked around the room commenting on someone’s shading across the curve of Steve’s ribs, or how to capture the jut of his hipbone, or the right pigments to convey the fading bruises on his cheek and arm (remnants of Steve’s last scrape). 

Steve hadn’t hated it; he liked it.  Liked to be looked at, liked to be transformed into artwork.  It had made his blood sing and his body hum.  And his miserable, treacherous body (his goddamn traitor cock) responded for all to see. 

That had humiliated him and he’d vowed not to go back, even when the kind, old professor delicately assured Steve he wasn’t the first model to respond to observation in a physical manner. 

But Mr. Cavalli had recently let Steve go when his business took another bad turn; the pinch in Steve’s stomach and the danger of being turned out in the cold was enough to conquer far greater humiliations.  He needed steady work, but one solid gig would stave off disaster.  

Steve shifted nervously in his seat and stared at the student work displayed in the hallway. Fine, but generic.  Steve didn’t care for it.  (And couldn’t help thinking he’d be capable of better, given such fine paints and canvass--not to mention lessons.)

“Can I help you?” Professor Ellis asked politely as he stepped out of his office and saw Steve waiting. His greying beard was meticulously trimmed, his old brown shoes carefully polished, and his old fashioned jacket well brushed.

Steve scrambled to his feet, glad he’d taken such care with his own appearance. 

“Professor Ellis,” Steve said, holding out his hand.  They shook.  “Steve Rogers here.  I modeled for your life drawing course a few weeks ago.”

“Yes, of course,” Professor Ellis said with a smile.  “It’s nice to see you again, Mr. Rogers.”

“And you, sir,” Steve replied, heart racing nervously.  The professor looked at him expectantly. 

 “I--” Steve faltered.  “I’m here to inquire if there might be any openings for models again.”

The sad expression on the professor’s face was answer enough.

“I’m afraid we got more applications than usual and we’ve already hired our models for the upcoming session,” he said gently.  “And we’re operating on a reduced budget, so we have fewer slots than in previous semesters.”

Steve’s stomach dropped.

“I understand, sir,” Steve said in a hollow voice, then added after a moment’s hesitation, “Perhaps there’s a waitlist in case a model cancels? And, I-- I understand that funds are tight for the Academy; I could accept a reduced rate if there’s any opportunity that opens up.”

Steve knew he reeked of desperation, but instead of withdrawing awkwardly the Professor only looked softer.  

Then a sudden change--he cocked his head to the side and frowned, scanning Steve up and down.  

“Was it my advanced drawing course in October you sat for?”

“Yes, sir.”

The professor nodded and hesitated before speaking. “Actually, I may be able to refer you for something after all.  Won’t you step into my office, Mr. Rogers?”

Steve followed him, only barely managing not to trip all over himself in his eagerness.  

The Professor began shuffling papers across his messy desk, clearly looking for something as he spoke:

“Not long after you modeled, a young woman--afraid I’ve forgotten the name!-- came in to look at some student work and show it to the collector she works for who sometimes acts as a patron to promising young artists. He liked young Mr. Winslow’s drawing from that class and purchased it directly, though sadly no additional patronage seems to be forthcoming thus far. But a few days later one of this young lady’s colleagues came by to reiterate the collector’s satisfaction with the work.  And with its subject.”

At last the Professor found the card he’d been looking for, but instead of handing it to Steve he held it, frowning.

“I was given to understand that the collector she represents may be interested in dabbling in some . . . unusual art work of his own.”  

There was something odd in the professor’s voice and Steve started to worry that the old man wouldn’t give him the referral card after all.  He held his breath as Professor Ellis finally looked up and met his eyes.  

“The Academy has very high standards for how we treat our models,” the Professor said almost primly, “and it is our policy not to refer our models to unknown parties. But since it seems you may be”--a delicate pause as he selected the right phrase-- “in a difficult position . . .”

Steve’s cheeks heated even at the careful euphemism, but he took the card without hesitation when the Professor held it out.

“Thank you, sir,” Steve said, trying not to sound stiff.

“Of course, Mr. Rogers,” he said, still a little melancholy.  “I hope the position proves satisfactory.  I wish you the best of luck.”

They parted and Steve finally looked at the card. 

All it said was “Miss Natalie Rushman” and a phone number in Manhattan.  

>>>

Steve was fifteen minutes early for his interview, so he paced the side streets nearby killing time since he didn’t want to look too eager (or desperate).  And Miss Rushman had offered to meet Steve at a pub near the Academy instead of making him travel all the way to her offices in upper Manhattan, saying she would be in the area anyway.  When he’d asked how he’d recognize her if The Old Pony was crowded, she’d replied that she’d find him--then reminded him that she’d ‘seen him before’ in a tone that made him blush.

At exactly 3:59, Steve stepped into the pub, blinking as he adjusted to the dim light.  A voluptuous redhead in a beautifully cut green dress approached him immediately with a slight smile.  She extended her and greeted him in a deep voice: “Good afternoon, Mr. Rogers.”

It was strange; she looked so familiar, like someone he had seen around his neighborhood from time to time. But he was sure he’d have noticed such a high class lady in his area, so it was probably just a passing resemblance.  (Or his exhausted mind playing tricks on him.)

“Very nice to meet you, Miss Rushman,” Steve replied.  

“Please join me.”

Steve slid across from her in the small corner booth near the window.  

“Thank you for taking time to meet with me,” Steve said.

“Likewise.  Thank you for meeting me here,” she said, green eyes sparkling.  “Please allow me to offer you a drink--compliments of my client.   What would you like?”

“Coffee if they have it.”

She nodded.  

“What’ll it be?” the barkeep asked Steve.  

“One coffee and one vodka,” she answered.

The bartender gave Steve a queer look, but didn’t say anything. Miss Rushman studied Steve’s face with an intense expression while the man brought their order.  Steve flushed, then turned brighter red as the man set the coffee in front of her and handed Steve the vodka.  She traded their drinks immediately, paid, and raised her glass saying, “Cheers.”

“Good health,” Steve replied. He wrapped his chilled fingers gratefully around the warm cup.

She took a sip and leaned back in her seat, still examining him.  

It was the strangest interview he’d ever been to and Steve was starting to feel an echo the professor’s uneasiness.  His blush was spreading down his neck and he started to drop his head awkwardly, almost bashful, then reminded himself that he had nothing to be ashamed of. Steve raised his head again and threw back his shoulders. 

“Yes,” she said at last.  “I think you may be a very good fit.”

“Thank you,” Steve said, trying to reign in his temper. “Perhaps you could tell me more about the position now?”

Steve couldn’t quite keep the impatience out of his tone, but her smile widened despite that (or perhaps, oddly, because of it).

“Quite so,” Miss Rushman said, leaning forward to fold her hands on the table.  “I represent an unusual and eccentric artist who has been searching for a . . . special muse.  He’s had single sessions and even a few repeats with models before, but never formed the artistic bond he craves, which is one it would take time and trust to nurture.  Something more collaborative.”

Steve sipped his coffee and nodded, intrigued.  

“My client values his privacy,” she continued. “He is exceptionally wealthy and well-regarded and can compensate you very handsomely for your services.”

“Would I know any of his work?” Steve asked, thrilled (and more than a little bewildered) by the idea that a luminary of the art world--both rich and famous?--might want him as a muse.

“No, I’m afraid not,” Miss Rushman replied smoothly.  “His wealth and renowned are based on industry, not on his purely private artistic achievements.”

Steve tried not to let his disappointment show.  

“I must warn you that the artist can be . . . difficult.  Fickle.  Hard to work with.”

Steve nearly snorted. Sounded like every artist ever.  And this one was a rich industrialist to boot?  He’d probably be a terror. But Steve could handle that. He’d handled worse.  

Miss Rushman continued.  “He can be harsh, but he is not by nature cruel. He’s brilliant, arrogant, and impatient.”

She took another sip of her vodka.  “Are you still interested?”

Steve nodded. “Very much so.”

“Good,” she said with satisfaction. “Would you be free for a meeting sometime soon? Tomorrow perhaps?”

Steve tried not let his relief show.  

“My schedule is very open tomorrow,” Steve said, trying to sound confident.  

She smiled. 

“Excellent.  If you are still interested at the close of our meeting, I will provide some funds for travel expenses. This is separate from the salary.  For your initial session, the artist would pay you 100$.”

Steve couldn’t keep the shock off his face and it undoubtedly doubled as she continued.

“But perhaps you’ll find that you’re busy tomorrow after all,” she said, “when you understand the exact nature of the . . . art.”

Another sip of her vodka. Steve’s stomach began to tighten up into knots; there was something decidedly unnerving about all of this. He felt like he was always missing something, like he couldn’t read between the lines.

“If you accept the position, Mr. Rogers,” she said, leaning forward, her expression intense, “you would be the canvas for his art.”

“Pardon?” Steve said, cocking his head to the side.  “You mean that he’d . . . paint on my body?”

Hardly seemed like that would require such princely pay or all this mystery.

“He might,” she answered with a hint of a smile at her brightly colored lips.  

“But he mostly works in a different medium--the relationship between pleasure and pain.”  

Her voice was low, intimate, almost a caress. Steve’s heart began to race as she continued: “He likes control. Intricate patterns of rope twined around the body. Leather cuffs. Chains.  And he likes to inflict pain and make it show. Bruises. Scratches. Sometimes welts.”

Steve took a sharp breath. A few moments ago, he’d felt chilled but now the pub seemed far too hot.

“So, this so-called ‘artist,’” Steve said tightly, “wants a ‘model,’ he can tie up and beat?”

“A vulgar way of phrasing it, but not entirely inaccurate.”  She waved a hand dismissively and finished her drink.  “But he’d want to make it good for you. And he would hurt you, but he would never harm you.”

“What’s the difference?” Steve bit out. 

“No lasting damage. His tastes aren’t particularly extreme and he has exceptional control. As I said, he’s not by nature cruel.”  

Steve couldn’t keep back an incredulous snort. (Not cruel! Just wanted to pay for the pleasure of beating somebody up who couldn’t fight back.) 

Her expression tightened and she added in a grave tone, “And if you change your mind at any point and tell him to stop, he will.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?” Steve asked with a glare.

“Believe what you like,” she answered smoothly. “It is the truth.”

With that, she slid abruptly from the booth and took a small envelope from her purse.  She placed it on the table.  

“Funds for travel expenses to Manhattan and a good meal on the way,” she said briskly.  “Noon tomorrow at the enclosed address if you’d like to meet him and continue the interview process. If not, then I wish you well, Mr. Rogers.”

She took one step away from the booth, then turned back to add in a soft voice, “He isn’t always a nice man, but he is a good one.”

Then, as if by magic, she seemed to vanish in the crowd.  

Steve’s coffee cup shook in his hand; he set it down abruptly with a clatter.

It was quite some time before Steve collected himself enough to go home, envelope secure in his inner breast pocket, right above his too-rapidly beating heart. 

[babysizedfics]

i dislike mondays. ugh. but because monday is piano day i wanna know do any of the sides play an instrument?? & how did they react when virgil showed up, how long did it take for them to become comfortable? -🌙

i cant think of the instruments atm hshshhs i dont wanna mix concepts

how the light sides reacted when virgil showed up and how they decided virgil could move in permanently

TWs: angst (hurt/comfort style), anxiety attack mentioned, mention of abuse (in mentioning that this is NOT abuse)

virgil arrived trembling very late on an autumn night

logan was already asleep and roman was in his room doing something, only patton heard the gentle tentative knock on their front door

when he pulled the door open, he saw what looked like a child with a large backpack hurrying away from the door, so he called out "excuse me? Did you knock?" and it isnt until the person freezes and turns around that patton realises it's virgil - one of the sides he hasnt actually seen in YEARS

virgil hugs himself tightly, scratching harshly at his hoodie sleeves, mouth opening and closing wordlessly, not able to speak to someone so unfamiliar

patton can see tear tracks on his cheeks

"hey, kiddo, do you wanna come inside?" patton asks very gently, holding the door open as wide as it will go and taking a step back to give virgil space

it takes a good few moments of virgils eyes darting between the door and pattons shoulder and the sidewalk behind him and his feet but eventually he tiptoes up to the house and hesitates a moment before stepping into the warmth

as he passes by patton is reminded of how young virgil is compared to all of them, he's so small, just above five foot patton reckons, with lanky legs and the slightest baby fat on his cheeks still - he's only 16 if patton remembers correctly. last time he saw virgil was when he was 10.

he's different sure, his hair is no longer white but dyed a dull black, hes taller and clearly wearing makeup - and either he lost his freckles or he owns very thick foundation - but patton recognises the tentative tiptoe walk and the way he looks at the ground and hugs himself. he's still the same vulnerable child patton wished he could have seen more of all those years ago were it not for janus distancing the dark sides from them all

virgil is shaking like a leaf and still hasnt spoken (patton has never heard him speak besides whispered one or two words phrases to janus when they used to all attend meetings together) but patton guides him through to the kitchen quietly and makes him some chamomile tea which he knows is meant to be good for anxiety

he doesnt get much of an idea of why virgil is there since he still hasnt spoken a word - patton doesnt know at this point that virgil is autistic or selectively mute - but he knows that there must be a reason that paranoia felt the safest place to be was a totally new environement. something must have happened at home

he doesnt actually ask virgil what happened, knowing if he wanted to say he would, and simply tells him that he is safe and nothing will hurt him here. its late, if he would like patton can drive him back ((virgil instantly goes wide eyed and teary and shakes his head and breathes faster - patton holds his hand up and gently continues)) but if not then he can stay the night and they can talk in the morning

theres no negative response to that so once virgil has finished with his tea (only drinking about a third of it) patton shows him to the spare room, points out where the bathroom is, and gets him settled

((continues below cut))

it isnt until the next morning at breakfast that patton informs logan and roman what happened and that virgil is still in the room upstairs. roman is completely offended that it happened without any prior warning, that an intruder snuck under his nose, and logan is merely shocked and curious as to what happened.

i wont develop on that first day much more at the moment - but essentially the sides can only be outside of their own abode for 7 days (rounded up to midnight on the last day). if they are in the OTHER house (subconscious or conscious) by the time that week is up, their function will adjust and be reassigned to that part of the mind

virgil stays for six days - after the second day he was comfortable enough around patton to speak to him if they were on their own, but not at length. mostly whispering and never more than a sentence at a time. he told patton that he had a fight with janus and that he didnt want to be in that house anymore but he didnt share any details.

patton didnt feel he NEEDED details. if virgil felt uncomfortable in that house he didnt see why virgil should be made to stay there.

roman refused to speak to virgil the entire time he stayed there

on the seventh day of virgil staying with them, logan tried to speak to him in the morning, explaining that he must go back to the other house before midnight, thats just how its meant to be. it triggered virgil to have an anxiety attack right there in the living room and logan very bewildered helped him get through it.

patton took virgil back up to the spare room and reassured him that if virgil didnt want to do something he didnt have to - that included living with the others. virgil whispered that this is how things are meant to be - repeating logans words - and patton was internally furious. he told virgil he would soeak to the other two

that evening in the last couple of hours before virgil is due to either go back or be destined to stay with them forever, patton has logan and roman sat in the kitchen and refuses to give up his case

i wrote this dialogue a few months ago but this is where it begins:

P: He's just a child!

R: He's hardly an innocent little lamb, Pat

P: Don't you two remember being 16? Roman when you were that young you were still in school, you still had braces

R, blushing: No need to reminsce...

P: Logan when you were sixteen he hadn't even been created yet, not for another year. You were still figuring out how the mindscape worked!

L: I... was it really so long ago?

P: And when I was sixteen Roman and-- they were still-- *sigh* We were all just children. We were confused and scared but at least we knew where we belonged.

L, gently: Patton. He belongs in the subconscious with the others

P: You're both ignoring the fact that the must be a reason why he doesn't want to be there anymore. Why he doesn't want to be with them

R, angry and ready to fight: Are you suggesting they abused him??

P: No!! No, he said thats not it--

L: The mindscape would have alerted us in some way. And we are all essentially facets of Thomas; even if we all behave differently and hold different values, it is not in any of our natures to be maliciously cruel.

R: then what did patton mean?

P: I mean you know what the others are like. How they behave, how they live. Virgil has been with us for six days now and I can't be the only one who's noticed how different he is from the rest of them. He's quiet and cautious and gentle. He's frightened

L: Janus and Remus are not above feeling fear

P: I know but... He obviously doesn't feel safe with them. He doesn't fit in there

R: Well he doesn't fit in here either!! We've already got our dynamic all worked out - The brains, the brawn, and the beauty! A fourth doesnt fit into that!

P: well then we'll adapt so he does fit in

R scoffs and storms toward the closed kitchen door

P: Roman, please--

R opens the door and everyone freezes to see Virgil stumble back from it, clearly having been listening to their conversation

P: Oh kiddo... We were just--

R, bitter: Eavesdropping, huh?

V remains silent and glares at romans feet, hugging himself tightly

R: see, paranoia can't even look me in the eyes! He's obviously up to--

V: virgil

R, shocked because its the first time he has heard V speak and its quiet: what?

V: n-not paranoia. virgil.

everyone is silent and V immediately regrets speaking. he turns and hurries back up to the spare room

L looks from where V ran away, back at P's dejected look, and nods to himself, taking a deep breath

R sees this and instantly knows what it means - Logan has made his mind up. and what he says goes

R, sarcastic: great

R storms out and runs up to his room, slamming the door hard enough for P and L to feel it rumble from downstairs

After a moment P starts to stand up to go check on R and V. Then L's hand stops him

L: He can stay

P looks at L, eyes full to the brim with tears, looking so so hopeful and relieved. he sinks back to his chair and takes L's hand tightly

P: really?!

L nods and pulls his hand from P's hold: Really. If the mindscape thought it necessary to Thomas' psyche it could have prevented Virgil from even finding his way here. But it didn't

P wipes at his eyes and smiles wobbily

L: And we do have a spare bedroom. Which honestly always baffled me, I didn't request it of the mindscape... I daresay this may be the exact reason we were equipped with a four-bedroom house

P gasps: You mean this was destiny??

L: That is a highly emotionally charged way of putting it. But yes quite possibly

P sniffles and instantly pulls Logan into a tight hug. L very awkwardly returns it, then pulls back

P: Logan thank you so SO much, you have no idea--

L: I have one condition though

P instantly nods and looks at L very intently with a big smile

L, hesitating: You need to inform Janus before midnight

P's smile drops. his eyes drift to the digital clock on the oven - 23:34

L: At exactly midnight the change will be made permanent. While this was within Virgil's right to have a say in the matter, Janus is still his legal guardian. He--

P: he deserves to know...

L, sympathetic: I can handle telling Roman and--

P, desperate: I want to tell Virgil!

L, smiling softly: as you wish

...

23:42

P holds the telephone to his ear and dials janus' number. It only rings once

J: Hello? Virgil??

P: It- It's Patton.

J: Is virgil still there??

P: yes he-

J: For goodness sake Patton, do you have any idea what day it is, what time it is!! He was only supposed to stay a few nights!

P: I--

J: are you dropping him off? Do I need to pick him up?? I'll get in the car right now

P: Janus, I'm sorry he-

J: is he hurt?!

P: No! No he's not hurt

J: Then why the hell isn't he back yet! You know we don't have much longer!!

P: Janus-

J: I swear to GOD if anythinf has happened to him-

P: he isnt coming back

J: ... what?

P: Virgil, um... He's staying here. For good

J:

P: Janus, I--

*janus hangs up*

Patton stays frozen, hand over his mouth and eyes burning with unshed tears. he slowly lowers the phone back to the table, then sees movement in the corner of his eye. he gasps and quickly looks up.

virgil is standing just around the corner and jumps at pattons reaction, clearly highly strung. patton smiles reassuringly despite the tears in his eyes. "hey kiddo. sorry if i scared you"

virgil shrugs a little stiffly. it makes his backpack fall down his arm - and patton realises virgil has packed all his things in his bag again

"um.. do i- do i need to walk?" virgil asks, shaky and small

patton bites his lip and very slowly and carefully approaches virgil, stopping when virgil took a step back

"do you want to go back?" patton asks sincerely

virgil shakes his head immediately, strongly

patton nods to himself, but still prompts "are you completely sure?"

virgil slumps a little, voice even quieter. "i-i can go if you want"

"no" patton quickly says "no kiddo, i didnt mean that at all. youre allowed to stay if you want to"

virgil actually meets pattons eyes for the first time in his life - only for a second, but it blows patton away a little - "really??"

patton smiles sadly. "really really" then he turns serious. this is a serious matter after all. "but its permanent, okay? and if you change your mind or not thats completely fine but you have to do it in the next-" he checks his phone "-7 minutes so that I have enough time to drive you back"

virgil blinks hard and takes a big measured breath at that. he even sways a little and patton holds his arms out - not touching virgil but offering him something to hold if he needs to

virgil tentatively holds onto the sleeve of pattons fleece. "can, um... am i allowed to sit down?"

"of course, kiddo, come on" and patton leads him to the living room

they sit on the couch, just a couple of feet between them. by virgils doing - pat sat down first and let virgil sit wherever he pleased. when virgil didnt take the seat furthest and instead sat right next to pstton, the older side knew virgil must need comfort

and for the next few minutes virgil just sat and breathed a little too shallow and fast and looked at his phone every moment to check the time. it was the longest few minutes of either of their lives, sitting in silence and waiting for virgil to make up his mind

at least thats what patton thought, until he saw the time reading 23:58

it was well past the time they had to leave if they could get virgil back in time. virgil wasnt making up his mind - he was counting down the seconds until he was officially free from the subconscious

and then the clock hits midnight and virgil goes deadly tense and still, as if he's waiting for his phone to blow up in his face or something. neither of them moves or speaks, its been silent for minutes but this is deafening

but after a minute or two with no exploding phone or whatever else virgil expected, he breathes a big shaky sigh. he looks hesitantly up at patton, eyes falling just to the right of his head to avoid eye contact "is-is that it?"

patton nods slowly, a little stunned himself. "i guess so. do you feel any different?"

virgil blinks and frowns. then whispers "i'm... anxiety."

"you feel anxious?"

virgil picks at a loos thread on his ripped jeans. "y-yeah but... but my function"

"oh!" patton gasps, not knowing what else to say. he goes for reassurance. "well that's okay. whatever you are, you're still virgil."

"i... do i live here now?" virgil whispers, and the hope and relief in his voice is just too much for patton not to smile

"you live here now" he assures, feeling his heart swell when he sees the tiniest hint of a smile pull at virgils lips - the first sign of joy he's shown since being there

"can i please hug you virgil?" he asks

virgil hesitates, ducking his head a little, but then he nods very subtly.

patton carefully scooches closer on the couch and hunches down to wrap his arms around virgil firmly but softly. virgil is tense in his hold, so patton only hugs him for a brief moment before pulling away and smiling down at him

"welcome home kiddo" he whispers

...

so as you can see patton clearly warms up to virgil quickly - it doesnt take logan much longer though virgil is intimidated by him at first and they dont get very close for at least a year. roman hardly speaks to virgil for weeks, and beyond that their interactions are limited to arguments and insults for at least two years. it isnt until virgils third year living there when he helps roman realise he has undiagnosed adhd that they start to get along more, albeit reluctantly at first

i do know a lot more about this time period in the au (and some of it is written) so if you have more questions pls do ask!

[chocoluckchipz]

Will You Help Me, Marinette?

                                  Read it on A03, FF.net, WattPad

Halfway into her walk to work, Marinette’s phone chimed. An amused smile tugged at her lips. A new record. Usually, he’d text her first thing upon waking up. Had been for years. She was already starting to suspect something had happened.

Adrien: Help!

She rolled her eyes. If it were anyone else, she’d panic. But it was Adrien, an overgrown man-child to whose overly dramatic, exaggerated ways she was used to by now.

Marinette: I’m bringing you croissants. Don’t worry.

Adrien: U rock!

Adrien: But that’s not it. Can I ask you for a favour?

She stopped at the lights, looking around for cars and quickly ran across the street.

Marinette: Coffee? I’m about to walk by our café.

Adrien: Thanks, but not today. My photoshoot relocated at the last moment, so I won’t be in until much later in the day.  

Adrien: I’ll still meet you at our cafe for lunch. Don’t order without me.

Marinette: :thumbs-up:

One end of her scarf got loose and seeing as Adrien was still typing, Marinette stole a moment to fix it, swaddling her neck away from the crispiness of cool air on the early April morning.

Adrien: Marinette, you’re my best friend and the luckiest girl I know, and you’re super smart and creative, so if anyone, you’d know what to do, and I really can use help now in something super important.

Adrien::puppy eyes: Please?

She didn’t bother suppressing a giggle, attracting a few glances from a morning crowd around her. Turning the corner, Marinette inhaled a warm aroma of fresh baked goods from a nearby café. She grew up and still lived in a bakery. She should've been used to this kind of thing. Yet this one was special. It was close to Gabriel’s office, and Adrien and she loved to frequent it during their lunches.  

One of the servers waved at her, wishing her a good day. Marinette waved back, asking how their new kitten was adjusting. A brief exchange later, she walked on, a buzzing device in her hand reminding her of an unintentionally abandoned friend.

Adrien: T_T

Adrien: Are you ignoring me?

Adrien: Five minutes had passed. No answer. :sobbing:

Adrien: I thought we were friends? Friends help each other.  

Adrien: …

Adrien: You do still like me, right?

She couldn’t hold back a chuckle. Such a drama queen and an incorrigible dork. Though, no one would ever believe her if she’d say that out loud that because in the public eye a supermodel, part-time CEO of a fashion empire Adrien Agreste was perfect in every sense of this word. Only his closest friends knew better.

Marinette: I beg your forgiveness, Your Highness. I was distracted by Pierre. How can I help you?  

Adrien: :D You like me after all!

Marinette: I wouldn’t put up with your insufferable antics otherwise. Now, spill because I’m about to walk into the office and you’ll lose me five minutes after that.

Adrien: Okay.  

Adrien: So…

Adrien: I’ve decided…

Adrien: To confess to the love of my life.

Marinette froze in her path, her heart sinking. Tightening her grip on her cellphone, she stared at the screen in shock. Adrien was in love with someone? Why didn’t she know about that? They’ve been friends for years, so how did she miss that the love of her life was in love with someone else? Her quickening-its-pace heart ached as Adrien continued to type.

Adrien: I tried to confess to her on my own many times but chickened out every single one of them because I’m terrified of ruining what we already have if she doesn’t feel the same for it’s amazing and wonderful and absolutely beautiful, but I’m also at a point where I NEED more. It’s getting too hard to be just a friend.

Adrien: So, I’m risking it and I need you to help me. As my oldest and best-est friend ever you must help me. Please, say you’ll help me?

A knife Adrien didn’t know he’d stuck into her heart twisted, ripping through tender flesh. Marinette bit on her tongue and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. She needed a moment before she could reply, so walking into Gabriel’s building, she proceeded to the elevator and didn’t check her phone until she was safely in her office, settled in her chair.

Adrien: Marinette?

Adrien: I hope I didn’t ask for too much. You’re the only one I can trust with this.

Adrien: If you’d rather not, though, it’s fine. I’ll figure this out somehow.

Adrien: Are you upset with me? I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would be a big deal.  

Adrien: … Please, say something.

Marinette read over the messages a few more times before dropping her head in her hands, propped on the table. This hurt. It ripped and crushed and devastated her, but as much as she’d love to run away and scream her pain out right now, Adrien was her friend first of all, and as his friend, she’d be supportive of him even if it hurt her.

Marinette: Sorry. I got distracted on my way. In my office now, so you have my full attention.

Adrien: T_T Don’t scare me like this. I already thought you hated me.

Marinette: Why would I hate you?  

Adrien: Idk. Just a thought. So, you’re in?

Marinette: Are you sure you want me involved? Love confessions are kind of personal.

Adrien: Mari, please. I’m twenty-three. I don’t want to die an old maiden because I’m too chicken to confess to the most amazing, gorgeous girl around.

Marinette stared at the phone. She was also twenty-three, and ten of those years, she’d spent loving Adrien. All in vain, it seemed now. And yet, she couldn’t find it in herself to regret a single moment because Adrien had been brightening her days ever since their mothers became friends at a random book club meeting all those years back. She couldn’t desert him now, even if she wanted to.

Swearing under her breath, she cursed her inability to say No to him once again and typed.

Marinette: Alright. Let’s start with the name of the lucky lady.

Adrien: Can’t tell you.

Marinette: Seriously?

Adrien: Yes.  

Marinette: How can I help you if I don’t know who she is?

Adrien: Keep me accountable. Bug me until I confess. Remind me every freaking minute that I can do it. Idk, threaten me or something. We’ve been friends for what? Almost fifteen years now? You know how I work and how to make me do things. That’s why I’m begging you and not Nino.

Marinette wished he’d asked Nino instead because helping Adrien confess to some girl was the least of Marinette’s desires.

Marinette: It’s going to be hard to suggest anything specific if I don’t know who she is, but fine. We’ll think of something. I get the front row seat at the wedding, though.

She wanted nothing less but Adrien couldn’t know that.

Adrien: Thank you! I’ll save you the best seat in the house… IF she accepts.

Marinette: Oh, please! You’ve got looks and money. Who would refuse you?

Adrien: See, that’s the issue: she knows me too well. She won’t be swayed by my looks or money. T_T Why do you think I’ve been stalling?  

Marinette: Your dorkiness is finally catching up with you?

Adrien: Meanie.

Marinette: :P I’m sure everything will be fine. Now, is there anything you can tell me about her?

Adrien: She works at Gabriel.

Marinette tried to swallow the knot in her throat. Of course. Adrien must be in love with one of the models. He worked amongst the most beautiful girls in France every day, and who was Marinette? A junior designer in his father’s company? Not ugly or a failure per se but she was nothing to be proud of also. Marinette was just a girl whom he’d known her for most of his life and whose every fault he’d witness more than she’d like to admit. Nothing new and exciting to catch his attention. She was an idiot to ever dare to dream of him.

Yet, gritting her teeth together and pushing the thought aside, Marinette typed a response because he was her friend and he needed her help.

Marinette: You can ask her out to lunch for starters? Take her to our cafe. I’m sure she’d love it there.

Adrien: …  

Adrien: But we always have our lunches together. I can’t betray you like that.  

Marinette: I’ll be fine. I have a few designs I need to finish today, so I’ll eat at the work cafeteria.

Adrien: They don’t have your favourite.  

Marinette: I can survive one lunch without an eclair. Or I can call Alya and meet up with her.

Adrien: Shoot. Gtg. Ttyl.

Marinette: Good luck.

Adrien: <3

Marinette put the phone away. dropping her head onto the table. They’ve been so close for years. How could she have missed that Adrien was in love with someone? Was she that blinded by her own feelings for him? If she wasn’t, maybe then she would’ve noticed and could’ve prepared herself and not feel this excruciating pain in her chest now.

Her phone chimed again. This time it was Alya, reminding her of their Friday night plans. Marinette briefly responded, not paying close attention to what she was saying, adding an invitation for lunch at the end. Not that she was eager to be in anybody’s company today, but it was better than sitting alone and obsessing over who Adrien’s lady-love was. She knew herself and right now she needed a distraction not to fall apart. So, pushing misery aside, Marinette pulled her work files and started on finalizing her sketches due by the end of the day.

Closer to noon, Adrien texted again. As he always did.

Adrien: Guess who’s all done and who’s so nervous about today, it showed in pictures and drove my photographer insane?

She bitterly chuckled. Classic Adrien.

Marinette: Nothing to be bragging about. I thought you were a professional?

Adrien: I am. That’s why I’m done already. All you have to do is to imagine spaghetti. :3

Marinette: Dork.

Adrien: Proudly so.

Adrien: Marinette, thank you. I REALLY appreciate you being with me on this one. Honestly, I just can’t do this alone, and I wanted to do this for so long now, I’m desperate. So, your help means a lot.  

I don’t want to help you, Marinette grumbled to herself.

That’s what friends are for, right? she wrote instead.

Adrien: She’s just so amazing, it terrifies me to lose her, but I can’t imagine myself being with anyone else. We’re perfect for each other. I hope you’ll agree with me once you’ll see who I’m talking about.  

Adrien: Okay, I’m downstairs. I’ll drop by after I see Father.

Marinette: Cool. See you soon.

She put her phone on the desk, pushing her designs away. Tears, successfully withheld by the distraction of work, surfaced at the corners of her eyes, as the reality of what was going on hit again. Adrien was in love with someone and that person wasn’t her despite Marinette’s most daring hopes because otherwise, Adrien wouldn’t be asking her for help.  

Someone opened the door, walking in without an invitation. Marinette quickly wiped away the lingering moisture in her eyes. Adrien couldn’t see her crying or he’d know she was less than happy about this confession of his. She was heartbroken, but for his sake, she'd keep a brave face and smile until the end.

“Lila?”

“Didn’t except me?” The woman walked closer and settled in a chair opposite Marinette, a mug of coffee in her hand.

“Not really,” Marinette replied coldly. She hated Lila for lies and manipulations. Why M Agreste hired her as a model was beyond her. “What do you want?”

“I’ve come to warn you,” Lila said, ceremonially checking her nails.

Marinette quirked an eyebrow. “About what?”

Lila smirked, putting her mug down on a table. “Adrien and I are going public today, and we’d like you to stay out of it.”

Marinette inwardly growled. There was no way that could’ve been true! Yes, Lila was not so subtly trying to get Adrien’s attention for a while now, but as far as Marinette knew, Adrien was tolerating her antics only out of innate politeness and kindness of his heart, not affection.

“You’re lying,” she seethed. “Adrien had never mentioned—”

“That’s because he knew you don’t like me, and he wanted to spare your feelings since you’re his friend and all.” Lila shrugged. “But we’ve been secretly dating for a while now. Not anymore, though.” She smirked. “Adrien’s taking me out for lunch on our first official date today. But, to make it easier for everyone, I thought I’d warn you”—Lila’s face became stone-cold, her voice and glare matching—“stay out of my boyfriend’s life or you’ll regret it, Marinette.”

“What if I won’t?” Marinette barked without thinking twice. “He’s my friend. I have a right to—"

“You have absolutely no rights when it comes to my boyfriend.”

“I won’t believe it until I hear it from him personally.”

“You shall see it on the news tonight."

Lila’s sly smile promised nothing good as she stood up, picked up her coffee, and turned around to leave. Her hand swayed. Marinette’s blood ran cold because the mug in Lila’s hands tipped over, all of the coffee inside spilling all over Marinette’s desk, her sketches and her outfit. “Oops! Clumsy me.”

“You!” Marinette rushed to save what she could of her work.

“Stay away from Adrien or this will only be the start,” Lila whispered, leaning closer. “He’s mine.”

“Oh my gosh! What happened here? Marinette, are you alright?” Adrien suddenly appeared by her side.

“Adrien,” Lila cooed. “You’re just in time. We have to help Marinette. She spilled her coffee all over her hard work.” She picked up a few coffee-drenched papers, making a show out of trying to save them. “You’re such a klutz, girl. Let me help you before you do any more damage.”

Marinette glared at Lila, pressing her lips into a thin line.

“Marinette, are you okay?” Adrien took her by the shoulders and turned to face him.  

“Of course, she isn’t,” Lila interfered. “Just look at her: the poor thing’s all soaked. And doesn’t she look pale to you? She might be getting sick. We should ask your father to give her a day off. Or better yet send someone to do that. We don’t want to be late for lunch. I'll go call someone.”

The moment Lila stepped out of the room, Marinette looked at Adrien and asked, “Are you really taking her out for lunch?”

Adrien pressed his lips together, looking away as he nodded.

Lost for words, lost for actions, lost for anything, all Marinette could do was to stare at the ground.

“It’s not—”

“Oh my gosh! Marinette, what happened?” Alya pushed Adrien to the side and took her friend by her shoulders. “You’re all soaked.”

“Found her wandering down the hall,” Lila looped her hand around Adrien’s arm. “She’s here to pick up Marinette for lunch which reminds me that we need to go now or we’ll be late for our reservation. The girls can take care of this mess by themselves, right Marinette?”

Marinette wanted nothing more than to slap Lila and take Adrien away. He deserved so much better! How could he fall for Lila? Didn’t he see what kind of a person Lila was? Didn’t he know how she felt about her? How could he ask her advice on this? Tears pooled in her eyes. Adrien was her best friend. She loved him, but this hurt too much. It felt too much as a betrayal, and if Adrien cared for her so little as to ask her for advice on how to woo her enemy, then Marinette didn’t want him to see how much that pained her.

“I’ll be fine with Alya.” Marinette turned away to gather her papers. “This is my mess; I’ll clean it up. You should go.”

“What’s going on here?” Gabriel Agreste himself appeared behind them.

“Marinette spilled coffee all over herself and her work,” Lila rushed to explain.

“Father, I think—”

“You should clean up and take a day off,” Gabriel interceded. “I’ll give you an extension on those. Now, Adrien. Why are you still here? Don’t you have lunch to go to?”

Adrien glanced at Marinette, then to his father. His lips pressed into a thin line. “Yes, I do.”

"Then off you go. Mlle Dupain-Cheng would be fine without you.”

“Right.” Adrien reached forward to lightly touch Marinette’s elbow. “I’ll call you later,” he mouthed and walked out the room with Lila Rossi on his arm.

Adrien didn’t contact her until the very evening when exhausted from the day, Marinette put the work she took home away and went for a stroll.

Adrien: Hey. Sorry, I had a few things to settle. How are you?

She closed her eyes for a moment, before looking back at the Seine. The gentle lure of waves calmed. It mesmerized and relaxed. Marinette always came here when she was stressed, or tired, or needed a pick me up. She couldn’t explain it, but there was something soothing and healing about gazing at the passing-by waters of the Seine. Her own safe haven, a little oasis in the desert of stress and chaos. Today, Marinette needed it more than ever.

Adrien: Marinette? Is everything okay?

No. Nothing was okay, and she’d rather not talk to him now, but… years of friendship and her treacherous heart demanded otherwise. He hurt her, but it was also him, who she wanted to comfort her right now. Pathetic, she knew that, but better texts than face to face.

Marinette: Everything’s fine. Taking a walk.

Adrien: Where are you off to?

Marinette: [image 1509]

Adrien: Pont des Arts?

Marinette: You know your Paris well.

Adrien took five minutes to reply, but when he did, he did so in person. “I know you well. You always come here when you need to calm down or to think things over.”

Marinette whipped around. Adrien was standing just a few meters away. Trying to catch his breath, he ran his hands through his dishevelled hair to fix it back in somewhat decent shape.

“Adrien? What are you doing here?”

“I need to ask you something.” He walked closer, stopping only when Marinette was pressed flash against the bridge, his hands on either of her sides, his face inches from hers. "Why didn't you expose her?”

Marinette blinked. “What?”

“You didn’t spill that coffee. Lila did. And don’t even try to deny it. You never bring drinks in your office unless it’s in an air-tight container because you think you’re too clumsy.”

Marinette shifted her eyes to the side. “I am clumsy.”

“Just a tiny, adorable amount. Nothing serious.” He cocked his head to the side. “So? Why did you let her get away with it?”

Marinette looked away. She hated Lila and Adrien knew that. What did he expect her to say? Why did he even come here? He should go back to that liar girlfriend of his.

“It’s so unlike you. I want to know what’s going on.”

She didn't know what to answer him, so she remained silent.

“Marinette, please? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

“Then look me in the eyes and repeat that.”

She tried and failed. Adrien sighed and pulled her into his arms, whispering into her ear. “Marinette, please. Why did you allow her to walk all over you? You never did that before. What’s happened? You know I won’t leave you alone until you tell me.”

She closed her eyes. The gentle tone of his voice, the comforting wrap of his arms around her, his body’s warmth so close to hers… It stirred those damn butterflies at the pit of her belly, ripping through her heart at the same time… because he’d betrayed her. He’d fallen in love with the only girl whose guts Marinette hated more than anything and there was nothing either of them could do because who could control their heart? Adrien couldn’t help loving who he did… which, however, didn’t mean he could be so inconsiderate of her. He knew she hated Lila!

“Marinette?”

She pushed him away. It hurt to remain in his embrace any longer.

“Mari…”

“Leave me alone. Go to your girlfriend.”

His eyes widened as he stared at her in shock. “My girlfriend?”

“Lila.”

“Lila?!”

“Yes, Lila,” Marinette huffed, turning her back to him, her face to the Seine. “Can’t believe you had the audacity to ask me of all people for advice on that. You know how I feel about her!”

Her eyes focused on the rolling waves as Marinette waited for an answer that didn’t come for a few moments and not until Adrien walked to stand beside her, searching her face with his eyes.

“Just to make sure I understood you correctly: you think I’m in love with Lila?”

“Aren’t you? You took her to lunch just as you said you would.”

Adrien laughed, leaning on his arms to rest on the bridge. “Marinette, you know me better than that. I took Lila to lunch only because my father blackmailed me to do so.”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “A likely story.”

“No, really. He said Lila dug some dirt on him and her price for silence was me. And Father, knowing you’re my friend, threatened to fire you if I won’t comply.”

Marinette looked at him, her eyebrows knitted into a frown. “What?”

“Don’t worry, your job is safe, and I made it clear to both of them that I’m not taking part in any of their bullshit. If Father wants her silence, he’d better pay for it some other way.” Gently, Adrien cupped her shoulder, turning Marinette to face him. “Seeing what she did to you… it made me angry. I wanted nothing more than to protect you at that moment, and the best way to do that was to deal with the cause once and for all. So, I trusted Alya to take care of you, and I went with Lila only to ensure she won’t be troubling you again. And after that, I visited Father and we had a long talk about the situation. He won’t be bothering either of us again as well.”

Marinette stared at him for a few seconds before muttering without thinking. “What did you do?”

“Nothing significant. I explained to Father how serious I was about quitting Gabriel the moment you’re fired and we both know he can’t afford me walking out. Not with me owning half of the company in my mother's shares. Lila, though, was harder to get through. She kept dismissing me until I pretty much avenged you. Then she got the message loud and clear.”

As in a haze, she echoed, “What did you do?”

Adrien grinned. “I might have placed my plate of spaghetti in a strategic place for it to be accidentally tipped over and end up all over Lila.”

Marinette gasped. “What?!”

His grin widened. “I only placed it in the spot. She did all the job herself, and”—he leaned closer—“there might have been a reporter close by and he might have taken pictures if you are interested.”

“What? How?”

Adrien chuckled. “Lila hired someone to ‘witness’ and report on our ‘first date’. The guy reached out to me later to see if I wanted to buy the embarrassing pictures of ‘my girlfriend’ from him. I wasn’t interested, but I saved his card in case you are.”

Marinette stared at him for a moment, then erupted with laughter. “You’re horrible.”

“She deserved so much more after what she did to you.”

“Still, spaghetti?”

“Just using her own methods against her, and only because she wouldn’t listen to me when I was nice.”

Marinette chuckled. “Dork.”

“And you like me that way, don’t you?”

“I do,” she smiled, relaxing against the railing. She looked up at the stars and breathed in. So many worries for nothing. She should've trusted Adrien more.  

“Marinette?”

She hummed, turning to him.

He looked hesitant, moving closer. “Were you jealous?”

Marinette squeaked, her face flaring crimson, as she shook her head. “No! Why would I be jealous? I—”

“You looked like you were jealous.”

“No, I wasn’t!” Her face burned hotter with every moment.

Adrien chuckled before turning serious and reaching out to cup her face in his hands. His touch, gentle and warm, sent electrical current down Marinette’s body. He slowly started to lean in. Her eyes widened with realization, fluttering close the moment his lips hesitantly brushed against hers.

“The girl I’m in love with is you, Marinette,” Adrien whispered, searching her face for a reaction. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I’m the fool who couldn’t find the courage to confess to you for years without asking you to keep me accountable because I’m terrified my feelings will ruin our friendship, but I can’t keep it in anymore. I love you, Marinette.”

Dumbfounded, Marinette stared back at him wide-eyed. “Me? You love me?”

His lips tugged in a hopeful smile as he nodded. "Will you give me a chance? I promise I’ll make you happy if you’ll let me be more than just a friend.”

Marinette forgot how to breathe. “Adrien—I… I don’t understand. You said—I thought—”

She froze, seeing his face saddened, and shook her head. No! What was she doing? She’d dreamed of this moment for years and now that it was finally here, why was she stalling?

He slowly pulled his hands away.

She couldn’t let him misunderstand her even if her reaction was puzzling to her herself, so she grabbed the collar of his coat and pulled him down, crushing her lips against his.

Adrien stilled. Then wrapped his arms around her and angled his head to deepen the kiss. She let him press forward, pushing her against the railing of the bridge as their lips moved heatedly in tandem, years of pinned-up love and desire spilling out. It was only when the air became a necessity, she pulled away breathless and smiled at him.

“I love you too, Adrien. Have been for years.”

His face lit up.

“And just like you, I was too scared to confess. Looks like we’re both hopeless idiots.”

Adrien pulled her closer, burying his face in the crook of her neck as he pressed a lingering kiss to a patch of exposed skin he found there.

“I’ve wanted to do this for years,” he whispered.

“You could’ve if you’d asked,” Marinette replied, running her fingers through his hair.

He leaned into her touch, almost purring from the pleasure. “Can I now?”

“Yes.”

He growled lowly, tightening his hold on her. “Mine.”

She giggled, wrapping her hands around his neck. “Possessive much?”

“Very.” He grinned. “Marinette?” Without letting her go, Adrien pulled a key with a ladybug keychain on it out from his pocket. “Will you also consider moving in with me?”

“What?” Marinette blinked. “Right away?”

He shrugged. “It’s not like we need time to get to know each other better. We grew up together. We know what makes us tick and what we like. Why wait?”

Marinette smiled. Adrien was right. They did know each other well. And it wasn’t like she hadn’t dreamed of sharing her days, her nights, her happy and sad moments, her dreams and fears, her life, her everything with him for years. Why wait indeed? “I’d love to move in with you.”

Adrien grinned harder and pulled her in for another kiss. Slow and sweet, filled with longing, and need, and desire.

“In that case,” he added, his voice raspy as he drew away and, pulling a small box out of his pocket, dropped on one knee. “Will you also consider marrying me?”

Marinette gasped as Adrien revealed a gorgeous ring inside.

“Adrien, you’re insane. What are you doing?”

“I thought I’ll ask everything in one go,” he admitted. “It took me years to confess, and I don’t want to wait that long for the next step. So why not? We can have a long engagement if you want, or you can say No now and I’ll ask again la—”

“No, you really are insane,” Marinette kneeled beside him, cupping his cheeks and kissing him slowly. “How can I say No to you?”

He grinned. “Is that a Yes then?”

“That’s a Yes.”

He held her gaze for a few moments, giving her that goofy, happy smile of his before shaking off his stupor and sliding the ring on her finger. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my life.”

“Me too.”

“I already looked up hamsters in my local pet store. They’re keeping a few for us to choose from until next week,” Adrien murmured. “You did want a hamster, right? Three kids and a hamster. We'll start with the hamster and add kids later—"

Marinette laughed and grabbed him by his coat’s collar again, pulling him closer.

“As much as I’d love to talk kids and hamsters with you,” she whispered. “Right now, I need you to kiss me senseless. Leave the rest for later.”

A lovesick smile tugged at his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Marinette echoed, weaving her arms around his neck, losing herself to the caresses of the man she loved more than anything.