#over dealing with the quiet realization that everyone around you can't get over how tragic your life surely must be

[lastoneout]

Being disabled means coming to terms with the fact that a lot of people look at you and see a tragedy before they see a person and I can't even describe how it feels to have to deal with that level of pity and dehumanization every single time you go out in public.

Especially when a lot of those people can't help but interrupt your day to tell you how bad they feel for you like they're doing you some sort of favor by reminding you that they see you as a failed person.

[forscb]

Is this love?

Synopsis: it’s a typical and relaxing Wednesday for you. You decide to spend your free time reading at the library, something that makes you feel at ease. Choosing a book to indulge in isn’t hard for you, but dealing with a very familiar face is. A surprise visit from a good friend of yours, Changbin, causes your mind and emotions to spiral. The odd and sudden tension between you two is confusing. Something you’d never felt before. Are your feelings for Changbin changing… or have you just been reading too many romance novels?

Genre: friends to lovers, childhood friends, mutual pining, Changbin is a silly goose who is in love

Warnings: this is only part 1 ( ongoing story)

Word count: 916

Romeo and Juliet, the most romantic yet tragic story in history. Still it is one of your favorites to read over and over again. Something about how Romeo is so in love with Juliet that he would take his own life to be with her makes you feel as if anything in the world is possible. You see the book’s wonderful spine from across the library, deciding at that moment that you should go pick it up and explore its ancient yet beautiful pages once again.

The library was quiet, as it usually was, however much emptier than what you're used to. While your eyes scan the room for a place to sit, you come across an old velvet couch. Not your typical reading spot, however you decide to take a seat there anyways. So immersed in the book's world you barely notice the sound of footsteps approaching you.

“Hey nerd!” a voice said in front of you. you look up in an instant to see that one of your school friends is trying to get your attention. “Haha… changbin… What are you doing here? I thought we weren't supposed to hang out again until tomorrow.” you say to him, feeling bombarded with his sudden presence. To be honest though, he was always like this. You and Changbin read together a lot, but today you thought you'd be on your own. “Well…i wanted to see if you'd read with me again…but it looks like you're already busy. I'll just go.” he sighed in slight disappointment, turning away from you. “ No no. Just come sit. Have you read this book before?” you ask him. He flipped his chocolate brown hair out of his face and took a seat next to you. “Anyone and everyone who is into literature has read this book at least once.” For some reason you find this funny.

Changbin doesn't look like the type to read books. On the outside, he is extremely handsome, very built, and seems like a stuck up kinda guy. Which is why a few years ago when you met him you never expected to sit in the library every Thursday to find a new book together.

You took turns reading each page with delicacy, absorbing every word that came out of each other's mouths. “Okay so hold on…how many times have you read this y/n?” Changbin asks, staring at you with his shiny dark eyes. “Oh my gosh. Maybe like four. I dunno.” you say turning towards him, seeing the dumb smirk that was planted across his face. “Y/n…you've got a serious problem. This book is so sad.” he silently giggles after saying that to you knowing he hit a nerve. You can't help but roll your eyes and turn away from him. Of course you're only joking with him, but you feel him shift closer to you.

The sudden touch of his arms wrapping around your waist sent a chill up your spine. Changbin grabs your face gently and turns you towards him. “Hey…you know i'm only joking right?” he whispers to you softly. You grab his hand, “ugh yes, i know” you say to him realizing that you made him feel bad for what he had said. He lets go of you and edges a little closer, resting his head on your shoulder. “Why don't you let me take a break? Do you mind reading it to me y/n? I like the sound of your reading voice. It's so…hmm…what's the word? Cute.” he whispers to you.

Changbins comment made you feel fuzzy. He has never called you “cute” before, let alone mention how he likes your reading voice. Not knowing the reason for this fuzzy feeling you decide to answer him. “Sure…” you guys have always been close, so him lying on you is something that has happened on multiple occasions, but this time it feels different. You continue reading to Changbin, letting yourself drift deeper and deeper into the book.

Changbin slides his hand around our waist again, this time to reposition himself. You brush off the tingly feeling in your stomach, once more thinking, “oh he must just be getting uncomfy.” However he leans back on the couch, pulling you toward him. “Here y/n. Get comfy.” Changbin pats the gray flannel he is wearing signaling you to lay back on his chest. You feel your face getting flushed with that bright red tint you hate so much and lean backwards trying to hide it with your book so he won't see.

The feeling of his muscular chest against your head just makes you blush ten times harder. “You comfy? You can start reading again.” Changbin says, glancing down at you. You can't bring it upon yourself to pick the book up off your face, you didn't want him to see this side of you, the side of you that you didn't know existed with him. You sat up with the open pages of Romeo and Juliet still covering your face and blurted “ Actually, gotta go!”. Without giving him a chance to respond, you pick up your things and head towards the door of the library, leaving him alone with the book. Your face burning both from embarrassment and confusion, you walk to your dorm spiraling inside your thoughts on why all of a sudden you felt the way you did with him. What's even worse is you have to pick him up from class tomorrow to find your Thursday book.

[fanmoose12]

Levihan week 2021

Day one: school

Summary: If there is something worse than getting caught by your student while you're making out with your colleague, it's getting caught while making out by your student who is also your cousin. Especially, if the cousin is as bratty and annoying as Mikasa.

The kiss is perfect - slow but passionate, their lips fitting just right like two pieces of a puzzle.

Besides, despite his neck muscles protesting, Levi rather likes their position, with Hange sitting in the chair and, and him - looming over her, gripping the back of the chair tightly. Smirking into the kiss, he takes her chin in his hand, tilting her head to the side to further deepen the kiss.

The door opens just as Hange lets out the first moan.

"I think my eyes are bleeding."

Levi's stomach drops as he recognizes that voice.

If there is something worse than getting caught by your student while you're making out with your colleague, it's getting caught while making out by your student who is also your cousin. Especially, if the cousin is as bratty and annoying as Mikasa.

"Mikasa!" Hange shrieks, hastily buttoning up the shirt that Levi spent so much time stealthily unbuttoning. He curses the sudden intrusion and the waste of a perfect moment. Mikasa and her fucking timing. "I'm so sorry!"

"I'm sorry too," Mikasa says, and the tone of her voice makes Levi grit teeth in irritation. "For you, Hange-san. I'm sure you can do better."

Oh what a fucking jerk.

Levi strides up to her, pushing her out of the door. "I'll deal with it!" he shouts to Hange and shuts the door closed.

He turns to Mikasa, his eyes flashing warningly. "You saw nothing," he hisses. "And you won't say a word about it to anyone, or I'll tell Yeager about your crush on him."

Mikasa huffs. "I don't have crush on him anymore. Your crush on Hange-san however..."

"It's not a crush. It's..." he pauses, thinking how the fuck can he explain his relationship with Hange. He never had to explain it to anyone, Hange seems perfectly fine with... whatever is it that they have. Even if what they have are quick fucks after long workdays and passionate makeout sessions in between classes. They're both adults, they don't need some fucking labels if all they want is just a little bit of fun. "It's nothing," he tells Mikasa at last.

She looks unconvinced as ever. Levi wonders what exactly makes her seem so skeptical - the look in his eyes or his swollen red lips. Whatever. Even if Mikasa is unconvinced, it means nothing. Because there is nothing between him and Hange.

"You'll be late to your class if you continue staring at me, brat," he snaps, when Mikasa continues to give him the same raised eyebrow look. "Forget you saw anything."

"Sure, mister midget," Mikasa flips him off as she starts to walk away. "I'll do my best to forget."

Levi watches her go, hoping this would the end of it. But, of course, it fucking isn't.

___

It's Saturday evening, and, as always, Levi is having dinner with his family - his mom, uncle and Mikasa. Everything is blessedly pleasant at first - the food prepared by Kenny and his mom is delicious, the conversation around the table is enjoyable and overall the atmosphere is nice and relaxing.

That is until Mikasa decides to open her mouth.

"Aunt Kuchel?" she asks, looking so innocent and unassuming.

Kuchel smiles as she turns to look at her niece and Mikasa smiles back. Kuchel's smile is gentle and soft, like that of an angel. Mikasa's smile looks more like a smirk from the devil himself.

"Aunt Kuchel, do you know who Hange is? She is Levi's—"

"Colleague," he blurts out before Mikasa can say the wrong thing. "Hange is my colleague and Mikasa's science teacher."

Mikasa's smile grows, turns wicked. "Hange is much more than that to Levi."

"Oh?" Kenny decides to join the conversation. His excited face doesn't promise anything good. Between him and Mikasa, Levi can't decide which one of his relatives he hates more. "Is that Hange Levi's babe? Are they—"

God, Levi feels his face burn. Everyone is staring at him now and it makes his embarrassment that much worse.

"Hange is a friend," he forces out, aiming his glare first at Kenny, then at Mikasa. "Just a friend."

A friend Levi frequently sleeps with, but that's— that's not something his family should know about.

"Ah," Kenny mournfully shakes his head, "so Levi is still a virgin, how tragic."

"Kenny, you can't—"

"I'm not a fucking virgin, you old—"

"Levi, don't curse in front of—"

And just like that, a quiet pleasant evening turns into utter chaos.

Stealing a moment, while his mother is distracted with scolding his uncle, Levi leans over the table to get closer to Mikasa. "I will fucking kill you," he whispers into her face.

"Good luck with that," Mikasa retorts, expression gleeful. "You can't even reach my neck, midget."

What a fucking asshole. Levi can't fathom how his nuisance is related to him.

___

Things take turn to the worst when Monday rolls around and Levi comes to work.

It is lunch time and he's in the process of munching on a sandwich with chicken when the door to his classroom swings open and Hange waltzes in.

Instantly, the sandwich is forgotten. Levi puts it aside as he shifts in his seat to look at Hange, thinking - hoping - that she's here for a quickie. The lunch break has just started, and if they'll be smart about it—

Hange plops down on his desk and Levi's hope grows and grows until— until he notices the expression on her face.

It's not "hey, let's fuck in principal's office" kind of face. It's not "hey, you look incredibly sexy in this shirt" kind of face. It's not even "hey, do you want to hear about the latest experiment I did with the kids" kind of face. If he didn't know Hange as much as he did, Levi'd say that the smile on her face is awkward of all things, which— is fucking weird. He didn't know that Hange is even capable of feeling embarrassed. Just a week ago she asked if he wanted to tie her up while they fuck and she didn’t even blush during this particular conversation.

"Listen, maybe, it's not my business," when Hange has ever cared if something is her business or not? Usually she just puts her long nose into everything she deems interesting enough. Levi gulps at another sign that he really won't like this exchange. "But Mikasa approached me after today's class? Asked if I knew that Pieck is single? And then she showed me a picture of Eren's brother and told me that she can give me his number if I'm interested in him?"

Levi's fists clench as he listens to Hange. That fucker had the audacity to go behind his back and talk with Hange about this. What's even worse, Levi doesn't know what makes him angrier - Mikasa discussing things like that with Hange when he has explicitly told her not to, or the fact that he's actually worried about Hange's answer. Did she agree to take that number?

This thing between them, Levi knows it's not exclusive. And while he doesn't want to have sex with anyone else but Hange, he also knows he is free to do so. As is Hange.

And the last thought makes him more uncomfortable than he is willing to admit.

Sullenly, he returns his attention to the sandwich. "Just ignore my stupid cousin."

"Mikasa isn't stupid!" Hange protests. "I think she's very nice, she just hides it under, you know, the Ackerman gloomy facade."

"There is no such thing as Ackerman gloomy facade. She's just a brat."

"She's kind," she says, leaning just a little bit closer to him. "Just like you, short stuff."

Sitting back in his chair, Levi considers Hange. He takes note of her grin that now looks much cheekier, her chest that moves a little quicker than before, her eyes that seem to be glued to his lips.

"Four-eyes," he husks, putting his hand on her thigh. "Did you really come here just to talk about my cousin?"

"Well, since I'm already here," Hange pulls him in by his tie. "We can do both?"

"I prefer if we only do this," Levi murmurs, before closing distance between their lips.

Just like that, all his worries (and his sandwich) are forgotten.

___

But Mikasa, being the insufferable nuisance that she is, just doesn't let him be.

Levi is having a wondrous time with Hange in her laboratory. She has him splayed out on her desk, and she kisses him just right, just as he likes, while her fingers are carding through his hair, pulling at it from time to time.

Nothing can destroy this moment for him. Or— so he thinks.

As soon as Hange starts toying with the buttons of his shirt and Levi gets even more excited, his phone starts to buzz.

He means to ignore it, but the buzz keeps repeating, again and again. He groans and pushes Hange away.

“Sorry, some bastard keeps texting me,” he explains, as he unlocks the phone.

There, he finds a dozen texts from Mikasa. Most of them include a vomiting emoji, and the last one says,

you forgot to close the windows, idiot

Levi whips his head around, and, to his horror, realizes that Mikasa is right. The blinds aren’t closed, and Hange’s laboratory is on the first floor, and that means… fuck, that means that anyone could see Hange going on him.

He frantically grabs her hand and pulls her along with him. “Let’s do this in my classroom.”

At least, no one would see him from the third floor window. To make sure that no one interrupts them this time, he sends a quick message to Mikasa,

keep your shitty friends away from my classroom

and don’t you dare open that door until the class starts

Still, to be completely safe, Levi locks the door to his classroom too.

___

There is no saving from Mikasa, and several days later, she strikes again.

Levi is walking Hange to her car after the workday is over, thinking if he should offer her to go to his place and get drunk while grading assignments. Maybe, they can have a little bit a fun afterwards.

The offer is at the tip of his tongue when Levi hears it, as clear as day, - his cousin's irritating voice.

"I'll come back in a moment," he tells Hange and heads in the direction the voice was coming from.

Turning the corner, he sees Mikasa in all of her glory - short skirt, fishnet stockings, leather jacket and combat boots, all black, of course. She's with Sasha, another student of his - a nice, polite girl, Levi doesn't understand why she's hanging out with his asshole of a cousin.

But Sasha's presence is not the thing that he focuses on. Levi is much more interested in the cigarette that Mikasa holds in her hand.

"Oi, brat," he glowers, fists clenching at his sides. "You can't smoke on the school's grounds."

"We're sorry, Mister Ackerman!" Sasha exclaims, her eyes wide. "We were just leaving, I swear!" she not so subtly tugs at Mikasa's arm, begging her to start moving. Mikasa stays perfectly still, though.

"The lessons are over," she takes a drag of the cigarette and lazily lets the smoke out. It only furthers Levi’s anger. "You can't tell me what to do."

"I can still call your mom and tell her what you're doing."

"And I can tell everyone that I saw you making out with Hange-san the other day. Or I can tell how just now you were obviously thinking about groping her ass."

"Mikasa!" Sasha looks terrified, her ponytail bobbing up and down as she frantically shakes her head. "She didn't mean that!" she hurriedly assures Levi.

"I meant exactly that," Mikasa counters, in an annoyingly bored voice. Levi hates when she acts like that. He feels like he is staring in the mirror.

"Leave me and Hange alone," he says, deadly quiet. "It's not any of your business."

"I just gave her a couple of advices. What, it got you mad?" Mikasa taunts. "Maybe, you're jealous? Then why the fuck—"

"It's none of your—"

"It is if you're acting like an idiot! You clearly like her, so why are you so stuck on that friends with benefits bullshit? What are you scared of? Commitment? Or that your feelings are not actually requited?"

“Shut up and don’t put your nose into my shit. What, you think you’ve gotten over one boy in your life and now you’re an expert in relationship? Stay in your fucking lane.”

His tirade doesn’t seem to have much of effect on Mikasa, but, at least, she doesn’t try to open her mouth once more, just stares at him with judgement in her gaze. Whatever, Levi doesn’t care what she thinks.

And, maybe, she is right, maybe, he is afraid that Hange won’t want to be in a serious relationship with him, maybe, he is afraid that he will bore her out and she will leave him.

But, whether she is right or not, it’s still none of Mikasa’s business.

___

After that particularly unpleasant conversation, Mikasa doesn’t try to bring this up the subject of him and Hange again. Furthermore, she doesn’t talk to him either, just glares fiercely whenever their eyes meet in the classroom or across the hallway.

Levi tries to persuade himself that the silent treatment doesn’t affect him in anyway. After all, Mikasa is just a teenager, a difficult one at that, it’s not unusual for her to throw tantrums. He tells himself that it doesn’t bother him.

But what does bother him is her words and how they affect his relationship with Hange. The relationship that is perfect, that works for both of them, and that ultimately… makes him yearn for more.

He wants more than to simply be Hange’s fuck buddy. He’s tired of coming up with the reason just to be with her. And while the sex is great, better than Levi ever had, he doesn’t want their relationships to revolve solely around it. He wants to stay in bed with her after the deed is done, wants to fall asleep together and wake up in one bed. Wants to cook breakfast for her and watch her walk around in his clothes. He wants to tell their friends that they are together, wants to hold her hand as they walk home together and wants to spend lunches with her, listening to her talk about her work.

He wants more— more of Hange. He wants to be more for her – more than a colleague, more than a friend, more than a fuck buddy.

But he doesn’t know how to tell this to her, how to open up and show his true feelings. What if Hange doesn’t reciprocate them? What if by asking for more, he will lose the thing they already have?

Levi doesn’t want that. Even if he’ll remain nothing more than a fuck buddy, even if he’ll become just a friend, he wants to keep Hange close, no matter how their relationship will look like.

Perhaps, wanting more is stupid. Perhaps, it is simply futile.

Perhaps, perhaps… But what Levi is sure of that it is all Mikasa’s fault.

She is the one who planted these idiotic ideas in his head. She is the one who couldn’t stop bugging him about his relationship with Hange. She is the one who made him so confused and miserable.

She is the one who made him crave for Hange, even when Hange is right beside him, warm and soft in his arms.

“Short stuff?” her long finger travels up his bicep, tracing invisible shapes. “Are you still with me? Have I fucked you that good?”

“Shut up,” he mumbles without any real bite to his words. Of course, the sex was good, it always is, but the problem is sex is the only thing they do. Sure, they bicker between classes and sometimes they have dinner together or they hang out and watch dumb movies, but it always— always, leads to the same outcome. Them, falling into bed, or them doing it against the counter, or in the shower, or against the wall, or on the floor of Hange’s living room. “I’m just… thinking.”

“Thinking?” Hange rises up, her hair tickling his neck. “Penny for your thoughts then?”

It’d be so easy to say this. To take her hand, kiss her knuckles and whisper, “hey, I like you. A lot. Maybe, we should start dating?”

It’d be so easy. For anyone, who isn’t him.

“It’s nothing,” he pulls away from Hange, leaving the comfort of her bed and the warmth of her body. “I guess I’m just a little tired. It’s late already, and we have classes first thing in the morning, so I’ll be going.”

“Levi?” Hange reaches out for him, and something in her gaze, in the way she says his name makes him pause, makes him think that maybe his feelings aren’t actually one-sided. But the moment is gone, and the impression is gone along with it. “You know you can talk to me, right? About anything. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” he answers, swallowing the bitter lump in his throat. They’re friend, just friends. And that’s the main problem. “I’ll see you around, Hange.”

He pulls on his clothes and hurries to get out, before Hange can say anything else.

___

It goes on like that for another two weeks. He tries to avoid Hange, Hange inevitably finds him, tries to get him to talk, but Levi refuses and distracts her with sex. Hange stops pestering him for a day or two, while Levi can’t stop thinking about her.

And it is ridiculous, absolutely laughable, but his heart aches for her even while she’s moaning his name underneath him, while he holds her close, as both of the climax at the same time, as she whispers just how good he makes her feel.

Ultimately, Levi blames it all on Mikasa.

Strangely, she’s also the one, who helps him get his shit together.

He finds her after school, smoking near the main gates. Mikasa looks even more sullen than usual, her face as sour as ever. Curious (and a little bit worried), he approaches her, leaning against the brick wall by her side.

“What, did Yeager break up with you?”

Mikasa gifts him with a glare, and scoffs before turning her eyes back to the sky. “I told you, I don’t have a crush on him anymore.”

“Then who is it?” mentally, he goes through a list of all the assholes his cousin likes to hang out with. Whichever of them made her feel like shit will certainly receive an earful from him. “Is it that horse-faced Kirshtein?”

She puffs out a cloud of smoke. “It’s not him either.”

“Then… is it Armin?”

“It’s Sasha.”

“Sasha?” it takes him a moment to catch up with her words. He feels like the ground has been kicked from out his feet as soon as he does. “Sasha?! You mean, the Blouse girl?”

“Of course, who else?” Mikasa asks, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Perhaps, for her it actually is.

Levi has some troubles imagining Sasha – cheerful, energetic Sasha, who has a weird obsession with food, and quiet, moody Mikasa.

Then again, perhaps, both of them have this thing in common. They both fall for the people who are so different from them.

“So what’s up with you and Sasha? Did she dump you in favor of some kebab?”

“Very funny,” Mikasa glowers, elbowing him in the stomach. “We’re not actually together. Yet. I don’t know if I should confess to her. What if she doesn’t feel the same?”

Levi almost starts laughing. And here Mikasa was, lecturing him about relationships.

“I’m sure she’s as crazy for you as you are for her.”

“How do you know it? You don’t seem too knowledgeable about this kind of stuff.”

Levi rolls his eyes. Mikasa could at least try to act like she respects him. He's her elder and teacher, after all. “You don’t have to be knowledgeable to notice. You just got to have eyes.”

“And?” Mikasa stares at him, seemingly unimpressed and disinterested. But the cigarette in her hand is completely forgotten, uselessly dangling from between her fingers. Levi uses the moment to steal it from her.

Before Mikasa can complain or hit him on the head, Levi puts it to his lips and takes a long, satisfying drag. “Remember the time I caught the two of you after school hours? If Blouse doesn’t have a crush on you, then why she decided to hang out with your delinquent ass, knowing full well that it can get her into trouble? She could go to Burger King with Springer instead. But she chose you, brat.”

A moment passes in silence, as Mikasa stares at the ground, her expression thoughtful.

“That… was almost nice, midget,” she tentatively smiles. “Are you alright?”

Is he alright? Of course, he fucking isn’t.

“It’s your fault,” he sighs, putting the cigarette out and flicking its butt to the trashcan. “I can’t stop thinking about Hange and how… you know, how much she means to me.”

“Oh? So you’ve decided to stop being a shithead and confess?”

Levi crosses hands on his chest, trying to appear less pathetic than he feels right now. “I’m not sure if she wants the same thing as I do.”

“Jesus, I told her to find someone better. But,” Mikasa raises a hand, silencing him before Levi can start cursing at her. “Hange-san thinks you’re fine just the way you are. Do you know what she told me after I offered to introduce her to Eren’s brother? She said, and it’s a direct quote, - right now, I don’t need a date, I’m happy with what we have with Levi.”

Mikasa can be cruel sometimes, sometimes she seems almost heartless. But Levi knows she wouldn’t lie to him, not about this.

Even so… he is hesitant, he can’t quite believe that she means what he thinks she means.

“But if Hange is happy with what we have now…”

“For fuck’s sake,” Mikasa rolls her eyes. “If she didn’t want more, she’d go on a date with someone else, you idiot. But she’s happy with you, because she’s crazy about you, as weird as it sounds. So… go and get her. Before she decides you’re uninterested.”

He’s… he’s not uninterested. Levi is anything but uninterested.

“I’m going to go now,” he says, before he dashes back inside the school. If he’s lucky, Hange is still there.

As he's running towards school, Mikasa's quiet chuckling follows him.

___

Hange is still there, but she isn’t alone. Her assistant Moblit and Armin, one of her favorite students, are with her, working on some experiment.

They jump, as Levi rushes inside, opening the door so forcefully, the hinges almost fly out.

“Out,” he tells them in his most scary voice. Moblit and Armin share a look with each other, then – with Hange. She smiles and gives them a nod, and they hurriedly leave the laboratory.

“Levi, listen, I appreciate—”

He doesn’t give her a chance to finish that sentence. As swiftly as he arrived, Levi appears next to her, cradling her face in his palms.

“Four-eyes,” he cringes at the nickname. He’s asking her out, he should, at least, try to be a little nicer. “Hange," he corrects himself, "are you free tonight?”

More than a little confused by his behavior, Hange snickers. “Are you that horny today, Levi?”

“Tch,” he rolls his eyes. “That’s not it. Are you free tonight to…” he pauses, watching her face closely. If Hange shows even the smallest sign of discomfort or disinterest, he’ll back off. He’ll forget this conversation ever took place. “To go to the dinner with me? Without sex.”

“You don’t want to have sex?”

How can she even ask something like that? Of course, Levi wants to have sex with her. But he also wants to do other things with her, the things that normal couples do.

And, maybe, he doesn’t want to have sex either. Maybe, he wants to make love to her fron now on.

But… he is getting ahead of himself. Right now, the dinner is more important.

“We can have sex later, or not at all. What I want is to spend time with you, outside of the bed.”

“Oh…”

So Mikasa was wrong. Hange doesn’t reciprocate his feelings. She doesn’t want to have something more with him.

Crushed and crestfallen, Levi intends to take a step back. He intends to apologize, leave Hange alone and then get blackout drunk at his apartment while listening to Taylor Swift.

But as he tries to pull away, Hange doesn’t let him. She puts her hands over his palms, staring down at him with an expression so loving it takes his breath away.

“Of course, I want to go to the dinner with you, Levi. We can dress up, go to the fancy restaurant, or… we can order takeout and eat awful, greasy food on your couch, while I listen to you bitch about your students and you listen to me rambling about science. We can cuddle, while we grade assignments… I’ll be happy with any scenario. Even if it won’t end in sex.”

“You mean it?” he asks, still unconvinced. “You want… the same things as I do?”

“For quite some time, short stuff,” Hange chuckles. “I just didn’t know you wanted it too. You seemed quite satisfied with our arrangement, and you were so ashamed when your cousin caught us in the act…”

“I wasn’t ashamed,” he scoffs, refusing to even entertain the idea. “I just… didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, and… I was worried that she would set you up on some date.”

“Nah,” Hange takes one of his hands in hers, kissing the inside of his palm. The simple, but tender gesture leaves him weak in knees. “I only want you.”

“Good,” he puts his hand on her waist, pulling her just a little bit closer. When their lips are just a breath apart, he whispers, “Because I only want you, as well, four-eyes.”

[tokyoghoose]

am i more than you bargained for?

pairing: tetsuro kuroo x reader

playlist: heather - conan gray*, 4ever - clairo, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, melting - kali uchis, slow dancing in the dark - joji, using you - mars argo, she - ed sheeran, make you feel my love - adele, letter home - childish gambino, she's casual - the hunna, i love you so - the walters, notice me (acoustic) - role model, red dress - postcard boy

warnings: angst and lots of it, mentions of sex, mentions self-shaming of image, very breif mention of anxiety attacks

summary: a romantic comedy without the comedy between friends with benefits

announcements!

kuroo is definitely a little ooc in this lmao buuuut this is my first like fic fic in like two years. Im still trying to get back in the groove of things and finding how to write personality again and not be repetitive with my wording. Feedback is welcome!

requests are open! feel free to send them in! i will write for pretty much any anime ive seen and if i haven't seen it, ill watch it! the only reasons i wouldn't is if im uncomfortable or can't write the character. :)

——————

When did relationships become so difficult? The days of making friends on the playground were over and it seemed to hit everyone at the same age. Life was getting harder and people were getting older, and suddenly everything was difficult. Nothing came easy anymore and everyone had to adjust to that.

But now you were just confused.

Tetsuro kuroo stuck to you like glue since middle school. Where one of you went the other was likely to follow. The righthand man, the double trouble duo, and the bane of kenma's existence. And then things got complicated. Strangers to friends to best friends to lovers— friends with benefits. Who would've thought the boy that you played volleyball with on a whim would've become the man who you grew fond of. Sixth grade you would've kicked yourself for the feelings you're experiencing. Oh how you wished you were back in the park that started it all. You wished you could warn your youngerself what's to come.

The realization hit you like a ton of bricks and it made you want to throw up at the thought.

It started in the first year of highschool when you suddenly noticed the shine in his eyes when he talked passionately about something like volleyball or the way he would furrow his brows when concentrated on his assignments. At first it was endearing, really. But the more you hung around him, the stronger the butterflies felt. It was obvious that he had grown into his lanky body. His legs were proportionate to his torso now and his once scrawny arms didn't hang limply at his sides anymore. He had muscle and height now. Gradually you started to notice little things about him that you would never have seen in other people. Like his lopsidded smile that crinkled the corner of his eyes and brought heat to your cheeks, your stomach launching into your chest when he'd bump shoulders and laugh.

You should've just smacked yourself silly then and there when you started to wonder if he noticed little things about you. Does he think of me like i think of him?

Who knew feelings could be so...perplexing. You moved on, shrugging off the crush in your second year to catch bigger and better fish in the sea. Life moved on and you dated other people, simply remaining friends with kuroo. Little did you know one heartbreak would lead you into his bed, playing in the sheets by the end of the year.

He was just so damn compelling. His laughter and his jokes. You fell for it all over again. Deja vu. Stupid kuroo.

———

The third of highschool had been the breaking point. It was a constant cycle of feeling, fucking, and falling in and out of love with the raven haired boy. It was frustrating, especially when he was so damn oblivious. The only person that seemed to catch on was kenma, but he was very little help when it came to pushing away the domestic thoughts. It would never just work out because you wanted it to because tetsuro was dumb.

It's a chilly day out, the sun nice against your skin but the wind was drastic in comparison. Shivers are sent up and down your spine, you wrap your arms around yourself in a hug. Could this boy take any longer? Foot tapping against the pavement, you heave a sigh, nostils flaring impatiently before you spot the tall athlete. With a girl. A girl?

You'd seen her around before and you vaguely remember thinking she resembled the main love interest in a 90s movie or a bratz doll. She's pretty and has a light, airy laugh. Kuroo must've told her a joke of some kind, but he definitely wasn't funny enough for her to have her hands all over his chest. He's giving her a toothy grin and soft eyes. It makes you want to gag.

Who was she anyway?

Not that it mattered because in that moment the fit of rage your body suddenly flug itself into prevented you from hearing anything. Kuroo's pulling off his pullover and drapping it over the pretty girl's shoulders. You can feel your eye twitch and fibgers tingle. He looks bashful as he waves her goodbye and tragically, you don't feel nearly as pretty as you had been feeling. Now all you wanted to do was sink into the ground below you and possibly into another dimension—or at least the other side of the world.

"She's pretty," is the first thing that comes out of your mouth when he comes over, slouching with his hands in the pockets of his shorts. He had practice this afternoon, you remember. He looks over at you with raised brows, almost like he's surprised yoy said anything or even noticed he was talking to another girl before walking towards the gym with you trailing close behind.

"Yeah she is, I guess."

She's prettier than me.

"You guess? Kuroo, you gave her your sweater."

He shrugs sheepishly, a light pink dusting his cheeks and it makes you mad of uncharacteristic the act is. You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

"It's just polyester. It's not a big deal."

The conversation suddenly drops as you pause, apparently very hurt that he didn't remember it was you who gave him the sweater in the first place. He turns around, a questioning look on his face.

"What? Are you jealous?" He teases.

You're fuming at his attempt to be playful. Maybe you were overreacting, but it pangs your chest to know he can brush it off so easily.

" Kuroo, that was my sweater. "

It's gritted through your teeth, eyes slotted into a glare and his face drops. Oh is all he can think as he stares at you and the hurt expression that quickly turns into that of annoyance and anger. You push past him, ultimately deciding not to walk him to the gym. His arm reaches out to catch you, but it falls short as he calls out in a whine, "I'll get it back for you, okay? Come on, y/n!"

———

You can't focus on the assignments in front of you no matter how hard you try. You are exsausted. Just wanting to crawl under the covers and sleep for maybe a thousand years, you stop tapping your oen against the paper to hyperfocus on the black dots that now littered the page. The music in the background pauses before coming back to life with the hum of a new song shuffling in. It's quiet and yet, it's overwhelming. You wish you weren't home alone now.

Hanging your head low on your desk, the carpet becoming of interest, you groan. The image of kuroo and that girl replaying in your head over and over like an endless movie. You'd have to give it a bad review if it ever ended.

You're focus is mainly on her though. Kuroo could get any girl he wants with his witt and charm. Not to mention he wasn't jusf handsome, but he's beautiful. Model material—movie character love interest type beat. He has the ability to make any heart swoon if he tries hadd enough, and that girl was no exception. She was more than pretty. She was stunning, even. It was like watching human barbie and ken flirt with one another. She seems so nice too and you can vaguely remember her helping you wish a couple answers on homework one morning. She's better than you and better for him. Is he sleeping with her too? Before you can answer your own question the doorbell rings, quickly followed by a knock at your door.

You look down at your pajamas, debating if you should pull on your robe or not, but ultimately deciding against it when the knocks come again.

"Im coming, I'm coming. What do you wan- kuroo?"

When you open the door, you immediately get the urge to shut it right in his perfect little face, and you begin to before his hand slams against it in protest to push it open wider. He juts out his lip into a pout and his eyes soften into ones pleading like a puppy dog. You huff and avoid eye contact, instead taking intrest in the bad he was carrying.

"What's that?"

"Stuff. I'd be happy to show you if you let me in."

"Sorry, tetsuro, no can do. You haven't returned my sweater. "

He scoffs and rolls his eyes before shoving something bulky into your arms. You're not sure if you should be happy he actually got it back or upset that he had to see her again to get it. Finally looking up at him, you move to the side so he can step in.

"You know, you don't have to be jealous that i gave another girl a sweater. You're my number one, y/n." He's teasing, but his words still send the butterflies in your stomach crazy. You can only hope he means it, even if just a little.

"I'm not jealous. You can sleep with whoever you want, kuroo. We're just best friends—if anything im your wingman. "

You want to hit yourself on the head. Why would you say that?

He snickers at the rebuttle, coming to loom over you. Apparently the only thing that can get you out of your head is his cologne because it somehow invaded your senses. He smells expensive, like nice leather and fire wood during the winter. It's very manly, you note. His shadow hovers over yours as he traps you between him and the counter with a playful smirk on his face. How smug could he get. He leans down, bringing your chin up between his thumb and finger. You hadn't realized how close he was until now. Since when did you get so nervous around him? Why did it make you nervous when he kissed you all of a sudden? It's unfair that he holds the advantage. Heat rises to your cheeks and the tips of your ears and you're positive he can hear the beating of your heart, which was currently trying to break out of your chest.

His lips take you to paradise, as always. Their soft against your own, yet firm. They're slightly chapped and they taste like spearmint. It makes your head fuzzy because they feel so right, even when you wish they felt wrong. You want to pull away and kick him out, and end thjs whole arrangement, but you're already very familiar with the fact it's just beginning.

———

The bed is warm. So warm, in fact, it feels like your suffocating. The sheets tangle around your limbs, strangling you as you tangle your limbs around kuroos. You almost want to cry, and if you were anywhere else— with anyone else —you probably would have. The heat is unbearable and the one sided tension makes your stomach churn and your throat tighten up. You were almost positve an anxiety attack was coming on.

Taking a deep breath through your nose, you close your eyes as kuroo's nimble fingers soothe circles into your shoulder blade idly and yet somehow he manages to dodge the purple and red splotches blooming on the flesh. Suddenly you wish you didn't feel so safe and protected in his embrace. The moment almost tempts you to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, but you don't deserve to be the person who does that because you aren't his person. Best friend, maybe (next to Kenma, if anything) but, you aren't his person no matter how you long to be. You're just a friend in his bed having a good time. It isn't as fun anymore.

You swallow a lump in your throat, flattening your hand against his broad chest and willing yourself to lift up out of his grasp, his fingers falling smoothly to stop between your shoulder blades. Looking down at him, he presents you with the soft, goofy look on his face that he always adorns. God, there's nothing you wouldn't give to wake up beside him every morning and kiss that lopsided grin off his face. It hurts to think about, and another wave of tears try to force their way past your lash line. You blink them away and put on a soft, one-sided smile for the man below you, giving him a quick peck where his jaw and neck meet before shrugging his hands off and climbing out of bed.

His eyes track you, lazily hooded and watching, as you take the sheet with you to cover yourself, grabbing your shorts and whatever top you were wearing but a few hours ago before everything was strewn about. You shy away from his gaze, but it's nothing he hasn't seen before. He shifts in the bed to face your back, elbow propped up to lay his head in his hand. With an uncharacteristically soft tone, you almosf don't head him when he speaks. The words that come from him are like honey, yet raw. It's enough to make anyones knees buckle and crawl back into bed.

"Are you okay?"

There's a slight hint of concern there, just hardlg scrapping the surface of the question. You nod with a hum, throwing on the loose shirt before facing him. Kuroo's brow raises like he doesn't quite believe you, but he doesn't take the question further and instead turns to get out of bed. You gnaw at your lip, taking your turn to watch him stretch out. His back has red streaks messily placed down it from his shoulders to the base, his biceps matching. His hair is messy and not like the normal bed head he sports, parts of it are spiked up from fingers constantly pushing through it, while other parts are laid flat from sweat. You can't help the thought that he's sculpted by the gods. They definitely took their time on him. Scoffing at yourself and shaking the thoughts free from your head, you head to the bathroom. As if the bed wasn't suffocating enough, just being the same room was found to be worse when he looks like that. At this point, it was preferred he stayed under the covers.

You feel stupid while looking in the mirror. Your mascara from earlier had smudged beneath your waterline, clumping together in the corner. Your nose curls at the sight, hands splashing cool water at your face, rubbing at your eyes. With a sigh you lean your elbows on the sink, pushing back hair and looking down at the water going into the drain.

This is ridiculous.

How on earth could you do this to yourself and to kuroo?

There's a knock on the bathroom door, it's light and gentle in the typical kuroo fashion because he doesn't want to spook you. You purse your lips, digging the palms of your hands into your eyes and heaving a sigh. As soon as you open the door and switch places, you're up and out of his apartment without saying goodbye.

The cool air of outside hits your face and you hadn't noticed the tears until the damp chill shook you. Brushing them away, you head home. You didn't want to be around him and you certainly didn't want to think about him. On the way back, you finally decided you weren't going to tell him anything. What would dumb tetsuro know about it anyway.