#our relationship has always been built on that friendship and admiration for each other

[clare-875]

Until The End (Levi x Reader)- Chapter 7

[The Trial]

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A/N: Posted on Wattpad (@CLARE_875) but also decided to post here :)

Summary:

"You can push me away, but I will still fight by you, and I will still follow you… until the end."

The ever-so-stoic Levi Ackerman has only ever known the terrors that living in a cruel world could bring. This all changed one fateful day when he encountered [y/n]; a girl renowned for her looks and abnormal speed. As they escape the confines of the Underground together, they soon discover that freedom doesn't come easy in a world full of Titans. As they rise through the ranks, [y/n] becomes known as "Humanity's Angel", a beacon of hope to humanity as she melts the walls Levi had built around his heart. However, she has her secrets too, and a dark past that might just threaten to pull them apart.

The storyline and characters of Attack on Titan do NOT belong to me, but all to Hajime Isayama; however, I do own this story, and all that occurs disparate to that storyline.

[Series Masterlist] [Chapter Six] <--> [Chapter Eight]

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Warnings: Canonical Violence

You sigh, rubbing your eyes as you look at the endless pile of paper that continues to grow in front of you. It had been several days since the encounter with Eren Jaeger, and the unrest on whether to trust in him or not, whether to give him to the military or the Survey Corps, whether to kill him or let him live had been endless. Endless, like the paperwork that remained in front of you. You sigh; despite the dispute about Eren Jaeger, one truth stood as blatant as the moon that hung in the sky. We had lost many people when Wall Rose fell, and a part of being a Captain in the Survey Corps was to sign and mark the papers in front of you eternally.

You look up briefly, taking a sip of your tea, to see Levi at his desk working through the papers you both so despised. The moon shone from beyond the windows, mingling with the light of the candles. You admired the way the light danced on his pale skin and briefly flickered in the grey of his eyes. Despite the way you saw imprints of darkness hanging under his eyes, or how his face seemed more sunken under stress and exhaustion, he still looked beautiful. You quickly shake your head at that thought; what am I thinking? This is Levi. You quickly picked up your pen to continue the papers, trying to shake off the mingling thoughts in your head, but despite your constant denial, your heart had grown fond of the man in front of you.

The recent few years have taken a toll on you both. The Survey Corps was not an organisation you joined on a whim. You saw death almost daily, friends and comrades gone within seconds, making you question if they had been there at all. You had clung to each other in your grief but also in your trust. The trust that despite all our losses, we would still have each other to rely on, that we would find our way back to the other. However, over the years, mere friendship wouldn't be what you would want to call the relationship between you and Levi. You had found yourself yearning for more. Despite his cold exterior, you would notice the small things he would do for you. He brought you his cups of tea, shared his space with you as he did now, gave you smiles that lingered, worried for you, protected you, and kept you close. You quickly turn down your churning thoughts. Levi saw you as family; he saw you as someone he could trust and someone to rely on, and you would continue to deny the intrusive thoughts in your head for as long as that meant he would stay by your side. If only your heart would diminish the warmth that it always found in his proximity.

Levi looked up, noticing that your pen had yet again stopped its movements. You seemed deep in thought as he saw your eyes flicker in conflict, seeming to come to one resolution before frowning as your internal debate continued. After hearing you sigh for the umpteenth time and your movements faltering, Levi couldn't help but become annoyed at your debate, denying that it was worry he was feeling, seeing your usually-composed-self become so uncertain. "Oi," he snapped, making you jump at the sudden sound before realising it was just Levi. His eyes softened briefly, not meaning to snap so suddenly, and he sighed, mimicking the noise you had been making for the past few minutes. "You should take a break," he spoke softer than he had before. You felt warmth rush to your cheeks as you realised, he had been observing your internal turmoil.

Despite yourself, you gave him a soft smile, seeing his concern, "I'm fine, Levi. Besides, this is my last pile," you looked at him as he seemed ready to make a remark back at you, "It's you that should be taking a break anyway, Eren's trial is tomorrow." Levi rolled his eyes at that. "I can handle lack of sleep," he said, and it was true. Despite having issues sleeping yourself, you slept much better than the man in front of you. "You, on the other hand, can't." He got up walking over to the couch that stood in front of his desk, the one you had been working on. As Captains, you had the privilege of having your own rooms. However, Levi would often let you sit with him, and he would never admit it, but your presence made the endless paperwork almost enjoyable to him.

Despite your continuous denial whilst Levi tried to snatch your paperwork from you, it was past midnight, and your speed had diminished with the sun. You were exhausted, and Levi had taken that opportunity to take your paperwork and tell you to go to bed. You pouted slightly at his remark, you didn't know why but the evening sky made you feel more vulnerable and Levi was used to you acting more childishly during the evening hours as your more collected self vanished in the night. You let out a deep breath and decided you were too tired to argue with him right now and let him have a win this time.

"Fine," you muttered, "you win this time, but next time," you looked to Levi as he looked at you, slightly amused. "Next time, I'm doing your paperwork too," you finished while Levi rolled his eyes again, telling you to go to bed. You didn't know what came over you the next few seconds, but between your raging thoughts, your exhaustion, your grief and paperwork, you found yourself reaching out absent-mindedly and moving a strand of Levi's raven hair out of his face. "Don't work too hard," you whispered, knowing already of the plan you had discussed with Levi and Erwin that would take place the following day.

Levi felt himself freeze at your affection. He had been used to brief touches and concerned words, but the way your eyes were full of worry just for him made him stop at the sight. A familiar feeling rose in the depths of his chest despite him still dismissing that in his thoughts. He quickly composed himself, not that you noticed his break of character as you felt your exhaustion slowly consuming your thoughts. "If you don't hurry and go to bed, you're gonna look real shitty tomorrow," Levi said, causing you to roll your own eyes. "I'm going, I'm going," you muttered before turning around and quickly going out his door, leaving Levi with your paperwork and a soft smile on his face.

.....

The sun had risen fully, light seeping in through the windows of the courtroom as you found yourself by Levi's side, who stood in between you and Erwin. Despite him allowing you to go to sleep earlier as he had taken care of your papers, you had dreamt yet again of the woman on the boat, and of the green expanse of terrain you now knew had to be what you encountered every time you left the walls. It had been years, and you had searched for answers, but it was hard seeing the lack of access you had to answers from the past. The only person who knew of your dreams was Levi. He had known since you were young, but he had always patted you on the head and told you not to worry, that it was just a "shitty dream", and that you would likely find answers when you least expected them. I sure hope so, you think to yourself as you stifled a yawn; you could never really go back to sleep after those dreams.

You suddenly looked over as the door burst open and saw briefly that Hange and Miche were the ones who had let Eren into the room, his eyes seeming to adjust to the bright lights of the courtroom. You could hear Hange say something to Eren before slamming the doors shut, and a brief, tense silence took over. Two men then forced him forward before telling him to kneel as one man locked Eren's chained hands under a metal bar. Mutterings started to rise throughout the courtroom, but you looked straight ahead despite the palpable suspense. You hear the creak of a door and the shuffle of seats as Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackly enters the forefront of the room.

"Well then, let us begin." He pauses while looking at a piece of paper in his grasp, "Eren Jaeger, yes?" Darius Zackly looks over his glasses as he stares at the emerald-eyed boy in front of him. "You are a soldier, sworn to sacrifice your life for the public good. Is that correct?" Eren looks up and answers slowly, "Yes, sir." He then continues to explain why Eren is here: "The final decision rests entirely in my hands. Your fate will be decided here." As you expected, concealing Eren's existence is no longer possible, and the trial today would be one that decided which force would hold custody over him. The military police or the Survey Corps.

Nile Dawk, the Commander of the Military Police, is then called forward to provide their proposal. The proposal that Eren should be eliminated immediately. That in favour of preventing a spark of civil war, Eren die for humanity's sake after leaving behind all the information he can provide. "There is no need for that!" the shout of Priest Nick, a Wallist, part of a religious faction believing the walls to be holy, starts to berate the idea, claiming he should die on the spot for deceiving the walls. Despite them not having influence much in our society, the past five years have given them power, what with the abandonment of Wall Maria. Order is called before the Survey Corps is called to provide their proposal.

Erwin then speaks, "I, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith, will present my proposal." He then turns his head to Eren, continuing, "We would welcome Eren as an official member of our forces and use his power to retake Wall Maria." He then looks forward, "That is all." Silence takes over. Straight to the point, as usual. Despite Darius questioning his brief proposal, Erwin keeps to the proposal he has given. Darius then continues to ask where the mission will take place, asking Pixis if the wall to Trost has been sealed completely, to which he replies affirmatively. "We would like to set out from Karanes, in the east. From there, we will proceed to Shiganshina. We will determine the route as we go." Erwin speaks up as the crowd looks at him.

"Wait a minute!" One of the merchants next to Priest Nick starts to shout, claiming that we should seal all the wall gates once and for all as the colossal Titan only destroys the gates. This causes an argument that takes over the courtroom between the merchant and members of the Survey Corps. His delusion that sealing the gates would protect everyone when he is truly trying to protect himself and his money starts to seep its way through his words, giving you a headache from the merchant's ignorance. "You talk a lot, pig," you glance slightly to your side and see that Levi was the one who had spoken. People quiet down and stare, surprised to see the usually silent Humanity's Strongest Soldier speak up. "Where is your proof that the Titans will wait while we seal the gate? The "we" that you wish to protect are your "friends" who help line your pockets. The people who starve because there isn't enough land to sow don't even figure into the thoughts of you pigs."

The merchant stops at Levi's words but continues with his argument, when Priest Nick joins in, calling the merchant a traitor for wishing to alter the walls. The two continue into the argument, shouting their ideologies despite the otherwise silence of the room, voices bouncing off the echoing walls, until finally, Darius asks for silence. He then looks to Eren as he wishes to confirm something, "Can you continue to serve as a soldier using your Titan powers to benefit humanity?" Eren looks up with a determined stare, "yes, I can!" Despite his answer, Darius looks to a report from the defence saying that, "immediately after turning into a Titan, he swung his fist at Mikasa Ackerman." Eren's eyes turn sharply to Mikasa as you look at the raven-haired girl who answers when she is called.

"Is it true that, as a Titan, Eren Jaeger attacked you?" A brief silence takes over before she finally replies, albeit hesitantly, "Yes, it's true." You look at Eren's horrified face, confirming your suspicions that he had not been aware that he had lost control. Murmurs of distress started to arise again before Mikasa continued, "But on two previous occasions, Eren saved my life in his Titan form." Despite her argument, Nile Dawk speaks of Mikasa's bias as she was taken in by the Jaeger family at a young age. "Our investigation has also revealed a surprising fact about the underlying events. At age nine, Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman killed three robbers who tried to kidnap her." He then asks whether there is a right to trust humanity's fate, resources and lives with Eren.

Murmuring starts to turn into shouts of disagreement as the courtroom starts to get out of control again. Now, people started to target not only Eren but also Mikasa, accusations ringing through the room and growing as Eren tried to rebut their shouts. The tension starts to rise with the noise as Mikasa and Eren's names are thrown across the room before you see Eren's wide gaze snap. "No!" Eren lurches forward with his scream as his chains rattle against the weight of metal. Silence takes over as people now look at him with fear written across their eyes. "I mean, you're wrong... You're simply coming up with theories that fit whatever suits you to think," Eren's voice slightly shakes as he looks to the floor in front of him. "Besides, none of you," Eren then looks to the Military Police, "None of you... you've never even seen a Titan! What are you so afraid of?" You see Eren's face grow angry as you notice his eyes shine with vengeance, along with Levi's swift absence beside you.

"What is the point if those with the means and power do not fight?" If you're afraid to fight for survival, then help me. You... cowards!" Voices started to rise swiftly in the room at Eren's words before he started to yank against his chains again at all the noise. "Just shut up and bet everything you have on me!" Silence is met by tension as the Military police aim their weapons at Eren's seeming lack of control, but it is unnecessary as you see the end of Levi's harsh kick against Eren's face, a tooth falling out of his mouth. Clangs of metal against metal and the sound of Eren's body being pulled and kicked and punched move across the room. You look to Levi as his grey eyes spark dangerously, but he continues despite the silent looks of distress in the room and Mikasa's deadly form held back somehow by Armin.

Blood now seeps onto Eren's clothes as Levi holds him under his boot. "This is a personal opinion. But I believe pain to be the best way to train someone." Levi's stare is sharp, "what you need is to be trained like a dog, not a man." A shiver runs down your spine despite knowing of the plan, silently thankful for Levi's harsh words never to have been directed at you. "It's easier to kick you while you're kneeling, too." You can't help but inwardly grimace at his violence, though you keep on a neutral face as he continues to kick Eren's already beaten form. Even in the Underground, you had never seen his movements so merciless, at least to anyone but the Titans. "Wait, Levi," Levi turns to Nile, "what is it," he says, expression bored and foot still in Eren's face. "That's dangerous; what if he gets angry and turns into a Titan?" he continues to kick Eren as he replies, "What are you saying?" Bringing Eren's face up to his eye level by his hair, he continues, "Aren't you going to dissect him?"

"When he turned into a Titan last time, he killed twenty other Titans before collapsing. If he is an enemy, his intelligence makes him a more formidable foe. Still no match for me, of course. But what will you do? Anyone persecuting him should also consider that fact." The quiet in the room continues with those around the courtroom now with unsettling emotions on their faces at Levi's blunt words. "Do you really think you can kill him?" Erwin then raises his hand, "Sir, I have a proposal." Darius then looks to Erwin, "The details of Eren's Titan power remain uncertain, making it dangerous. Thus, I propose to have Captain Levi take responsibility for Eren's control, and with Captain [y/n] and their squad, embark on an expedition outside the walls." He continues, "Based on the expedition's results, I'd like you to judge whether Eren can control his Titan power."

Darius looks briefly at Erwin and you before turning to Levi, "Control Eren? Can you do it, Levi?" Levi, still looking at Eren, replies, "I'm certain I can kill him; the problem is I doubt I can do any less." Darius then closes his eyes, seeming to have come to a decision.

.....

You sighed; you were with Hange as they tried to get Eren cleaned up amongst their continuous fawning over the poor boy. "Are you alright, Eren? Does it hurt?" You ask as Hange dabs at a cut across his face. Eren looks up, his eyes wide with awe and cheeks turning slightly pink. "Just a bit," he says before his eyes wander behind you and suddenly stiffens, eyes finding the floor. You meet his line of sight to see that Levi leant against the wall, projecting a sudden dangerous aura. You sighed, giving Levi a pointed stare, to which he looked to the side, pretending to ignore you.  You roll your eyes before sitting next to Eren on the couch.

"I'm sorry about all that," you say and give Eren a kind smile. He looked up slightly though still rigid, "but the pain you endured was all for our plan." Erwin nodded as he agreed, "Yes, you allowed me to play my cards at the right moment," walking to Eren, he leaned down and reached out a hand, "You have my respect. Eren, I look forward to working with you." Eren looks up with brief surprise before shaking his hand. "Yes, sir, thank you."

You hear footsteps and look up to see that Levi has started walking towards you, sitting in the space between you and Eren. He put a leg over the other and forcibly put one hand on the back of the couch behind Eren. "Hey, Eren..." You notice the boy's eyes flicker subtly between you and Levi before meeting Levi's deadpan stare. "Yes, sir," he replied hastily, "do you resent me?" Eren's form moves rigidly with nerves as he replies, "N-no," he then seems to relax a bit and looks to the ground in front of him, "I understand why it was necessary." Levi leans back on the couch, "that's good."

You think back at the interaction at the trial and huff slightly, "You still took it a bit far, I mean didn't you lose a tooth Eren?" Before he could reply, Hange had started shuffling around before bringing out a handkerchief with a tooth. "Yeah, it's right here," they say nonchalantly as you feel yourself sweatdrop. "Don't pick that up... it's creepy," Levi says with a disturbed look on his face, but Hange doesn't seem the least bit concerned. "Even this is an important sample." Levi looks to Eren and the injuries that now adorn his face, "That's still better than getting dissected by people like Hange, right?" Eren looks at the tooth, slight emotion betraying his eyes, "I'm not like them..." you hear Hange say, and you laugh slightly. "Hey, Eren. Let me see inside your mouth," the boy, seemingly increasingly uncomfortable at their proximity, surprisingly does what Hange says.

Hange then lets out a noise of surprise, and we all turn to see that they are still looking into Eren's mouth, "the tooth... it's already grown back." 

[brandnulife]

RIP, Shannen Doherty (1971-2024)

"Shocked and saddened to hear about the passing of my friend Shannen. She was a force of nature and I will miss her. Sending love and light to her family in this dark time." - Jason Priestley

"I am still processing my tremendous grief over the loss of my long-time friend Shannen, the woman I have often described as one of the strongest people I have ever known. Our connection was real and honest. We were so often pitted against each other but none of that reflected the truth of our real relationship which was one built on mutual respect and admiration. She was courageous, passionate, determined, and very loving and generous. I will miss her and will always honor her deeply in my heart and in my memories. My heart breaks for her family and Bowie." - Jennie Garth

"Shan. My sister… You loved me through everything. You were a big part of my understanding of love. I’ll miss you more than I know how to process right now. Thank you for the gift of you." - Brian Austin Green

"Fuck them… is what Shan would say if I told her I felt pressure to have to summarize via social media a 36-year relationship and the grief I feel for a fire who’s flame went out too soon.

I was 15 when Shan and I met. I was the boss’s daughter with no voice and she was the star with a big voice. She took me under her wing. She gave me the belief I had a voice and was worthy. We became fast best friends. We were each others wing women, true confidantes, support systems navigating bad relationships, roommates of sorts at times, travel buddies, and so much more. She always stuck up for me. Always had my back. Always believed in me when I didn’t or couldn’t believe in myself. We were young. We let a lot of outside and inside influences influence our friendship. In a world where we often don’t get to make up with the childhood friendships that formed so much of the adult you become, we got that chance. I’m grateful @theshando and I got to go back in time as adult friends and remember why we truly loved each other to begin with. To reminisce. And, to iconically laugh again like we used to. No one could make me laugh like that. Core laughs!

She was a rebel in an era when most women didn’t feel comfortable being strong. She never tried she just was. She empowered sexiness, strength, 2 fucks given, empathy, and all topped off with wicked humor! Her sardonic humor was one of my faves. And, no one made a frito pie like Shan!

Shan… I’ll carry the torch on. Take on my power! And, I’ll stay rebellious for you. Love you with all my heart. Always. 🖤💔" - Tori Spelling

"Shannon was so young and so courageous. By sharing her journey she has helped so many. My heart goes out to her family and I know that Luke is welcoming her with open arms." - Gabrielle Carteris

"Shocked and saddened by news of Shannon Doherty’s death. What a journey she has been on! Gone too soon. Throughout, she stayed true to herself and gave us an example of courage and perseverance in facing her own death. May she rest in peace." - Carol Potter

"It’s no secret that Shannen and I had a complicated relationship, but at its core was someone I deeply respected and was in awe of. She was a talented actress, beloved by many, and the world is less without her. My condolences to all who loved her." - Alyssa Milano

"Shannen Doherty had the heart of a lion. Passion for craft is often mislabeled as trouble. Shannen was passion. I met her in the ’90s and was awed. Getting to really know her later in life, a beautiful gift. This woman fought to live. Shannen knew how to be a star because she was one since childhood. Her work ethic inspiring to the end. Shannen’s great love for directing, for acting, Holly, her friends, her parents, dog and her beloved fans was legendary. Our lives had been intertwined in a unique way. We laughed at dark forces who wanted us to hate each other, instead we chose love and respect. A soft-hearted badass as there ever was. A force of energy that will live forever in hearts. May angels and God carry her to the holy kingdom where she is healthy, young, and wild forever. Rest now warrior, we will never forget you, dear sister." - Rose McGowan

"Beautiful Shannen. What a warrior. Fierce talent, passionate actor, friend, advocate. She fought. My heart goes out to her family, her beloved mama, her doggy, her friends who loved her equally fiercely as she loved them. God, I’m sorry for this loss…. Rest in peace, Shannen. - Finola Hughes

"We created a special television couple for the ages. My heart goes out to your family. Rest in peace, Shannen, rest in peace." - Ted King

Very sad to hear about the passing of #ShannenDoherty. I watched and was a huge fan of 90210. And, of course, I’ll always love #Charmed, @cw_charmed both the original and reboot. My thoughts are with her family…." - Rupert Evans

"RIP, Shannen Doherty. I met her during the Full House days. She was lovely and had a beautiful smile. Today, I’ll also think about the women in my life who all succumbed to cancer - my mom, my sister, Sharon, and my niece, Shannon, who all were so strong and so beautiful. #RIPShannenDoherty #RIP" - Dave Coulier

"You showed me what strength is. You taught me to be fearless and live with purpose. To know your value and stick to your determinations. Forever loved! Truly heartbroken." - Brian Krause

"Crushed💔 I will miss you, Shannen. I got you, Sis. We just got each other. I am so glad we were cast together for a pilot back in 2004. We hit it off right away and friends since then…I was supposed to do your podcast… I was so looking forward to that… You fought so hard babe, and now it’s time for you to rest. I know you’re dancing in the sky." - Holly Robinson Peete

"RIP, Shannen Doherty. Grew up watching you in so many iconic, meaningful movies and shows. Was beyond honored and humbled and grateful that you were a part of our most special episode of #Riverdale ever. Thank you forever.💔😰💔😰🚀" - Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa

"@theshando 💔🙏" - Antonio Sabato Jr.

"My better half of 31 years. There is a hollow in my chest and I can’t seem to catch my breath. A part of me is missing even though I know exactly what you would say to me right now. I know exactly what you would tell me to do right now. I know your undying spirit will live in me and my kids who you loved as your own. They will walk with your sense of purpose and pride. They will be truthful and stand up for what is right. No matter what and zero fucks given. Your fire will live on in them and the many other Charmed ones you helped raise. A fierce fighter till the end. My most ardent champion. My loyal protector. My best friend. You taught me the meaning of family. You were and will be forevermore my sister. I love you." - Holly Marie Combs

"How do you possibly find the right words to sum up 30 years of friendship? I keep reminding myself it only hurts this much because there was so much love. Thank you, for all your kind words and support. I love all the messages about how @theshando was important to you. So let’s honor her. More than anything, Shan loves animals, especially dogs. In her memory let’s support our favorite animal charities. Whether that’s donating money , stopping by your local shelter and just offering cuddles and walks to animals housed there or even just tagging them in the comments so other people can learn about their work. I know that would make our girl happy (and illicit that deep-throaty laugh we all loved) 💔 💔💔" - Sarah Michelle Gellar

"This is the first photo I ever took of Shannen and the last photo she sent to me of us. I’ll never be able to fully articulate our relationship or what she meant to me in a social media post so I’m not going to bother trying... I can say I will miss her laugh, her wicked sense of humor and fiery spirit most of all. I’m truly heartbroken but will continue to honor her by living as she lived - with passion beyond measure, with unwavering loyalty to family and friends and most importantly, with bravery, no matter how insurmountable the challenge or obstacle appears to be.

🖤 LOVE YOU FOREVER, SHANNEN 🖤" - Drew Fuller

"Dear brave beautiful friend, may you rest in the peace of God 🕊️ We are heartbroken by the news of your passing … My deepest condolences to your beloved Mom and to Chris . All of us who were fortunate enough to know you and love you and call you friend will miss you terribly . You were a bright light in all our lives. Rest in Peace, dear Shannen 🕊️ 🙏#shannendoherty" - Roma Downey

"I worked with Shannon a few years ago on a film called The Fortress directed by my friend @jamescullenb I didn’t know her well. She was humble, funny, and professional. My sincere condolences to her family and friends. She was a talent and a fighter. May she rest in peace." - Sean Kanan

"FOX mourns the loss of our friend Shannen Doherty. We're grateful for the talent and light she brought to FOX, especially through her role in Beverly Hills, 90210, which cemented her place among television royalty. Shannen's legacy will be remembered and celebrated forever." - FOX Television Network

"Deeply saddened to hear of Shannen’s passing. I treasure my time working with her on 90210. She always brought her huge talent, her wicked sense of humor, and her big heart to every moment. My heart goes out to her wonderful family and friends. She will be sorely missed." - Jim Eckhouse

"I am absolutely heartbroken over the passing of Shannen Doherty. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer I remembered how she bravely let the world into her journey and I reached out to her. We became instant friends- which I honestly couldn’t comprehend at times because watching her on ‘Beverly Hills, 90210’ was everything to me when I was 10. (Shannen Doherty as Brenda Walsh is and was and will always be an icon.)

We bonded through a shared battle and a desire to help other women. Looking back on the last text she sent me just a couple months ago, she asked how I was doing and if she could do anything for me…. True to form, Shannen was offering her support even though she was in the final stage of fighting this horrific disease.

Cancer is really fucking scary and Shannen faced it with such dignity, strength and grace.

I’m sending all of my love to her mother who was her best friend, hero and champion every step of the way.

Fly so high, my friend. 💔💔💔💔" - Olivia Munn

"I grew up watching Shannen Doherty, and years later I got the amazing chance to work with her in Mallrats and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Loved her in Charmed, a favorite of mine. Truly sad that she is now gone, may you rest in peace 💔" - Jason Mewes

"Long before any other pop culture figure “broke the internet” @theshando singlehandedly shattered it in the early 90’s. This is an incredible accomplishment considering the internet as we know it didn’t even exist yet. I (and the rest of the known universe) used to watch “the girl from #heathers” every week on @beverlyhills90210. I usually did so while jockeying the register at @quickstopgroceries - so it was ironic that the film I’d eventually make there would lead to #shannendoherty. @malcolm.ingram is most responsible for Shannen being in #mallrats. When I told him my next flick was essentially “Clerks in a Mall”, Malcolm insisted “Then you gotta cast Doherty! She’s an American icon!” That she was, and so much more. Shannen was a true talent and she became a good friend, but lest anyone forget, she was the only reason Mallrats got green-lit in 1995. That’s because Shannen was one of the most famous people on the planet - and the fact that she picked Mallrats as her first follow-up to 90210 *made* that movie happen. I cherish the memories of Shannen walking her German Shepherd around the @edenprairiecenter every morning, or whenever she’d gossip and giggle between takes. At the junket for Rats, we established a ritual we kept up for years, where she wrote “dick” over my half of our @filmthreat cover while I wrote “bitch” over her pic. But while Shannen was no shrinking violet and she gave as good as she got (particularly to the paparazzi), she was never anything but sweet to me. I told her back in December when I was on her podcast that I felt like the girl I used to watch on TV at Quick Stop was there to welcome me when I got into show business. Fuck… She’s died way too soon. I already miss you, Do-Do. Thank you for going to the Mall with me - and for thirty years of friendship. My Canadian pal was right: you are (and always will be) an American icon. #KevinSmith - Kevin Smith

"Gone too soon! I didn't know Shannen, but I knew a lot of her friends and I was a huge fan growing up. From Heathers to 90210, she had my respect for her talent and choices. She will be missed but her influence will carry on. Rest well!" - Melissa Joan Hart

"I had the great pleasure of working with Shannen Doherty a few years ago in Canada- she was smart and funny, and super talented. Then later I happened to run into her on a night I received some of the worst news of my life and she was there for me like a rock. I also consulted her on dog rescue issues. She was a strong, beautiful human being and I am thankful for the times we shared on this earth. Rest in Peace." - Mira Sorvino

"RIP @theshando 🕊️💔

When I first booked 90210, I remember walking on set on the first day and feeling a bit nervous, especially during the drug scenes. But Shannen was always so supportive and encouraging, instantly putting me at ease. She made the experience truly special. ❤️ Working with her was such a gift." - Jessica Lowndes

"We lost a beautiful soul and member of the Lifetime family today. Shannen Doherty’s legacy of strength and resilience will forever inspire us. Rest in peace." - Lifetime Television Network

"Shannen, I was a huge fan of yours before we worked together, and an even bigger fan of yours after. I’m so happy to have had that time with you and still have this sweet note you wrote me. Now you rest. Condolences to your friends and family. This ICON will be truly missed🙏🏽🕊️ #ShannenDoherty" - Reagan Gomez

"She was a warrior and inspired us all. She taught us how to be brave in the face of fear, and how to start a new life, even when the end was in sight.

I was inspired by #shannendoherty when we met while I was still hosting @thetalkcbs. She had a peace in her eyes that I admired. She never gave up living or fighting for her life, even though you could see she had come to terms with her own mortality. The courage it takes to be able to see your own ending while living your life with passion and your warrior spirit front and center is not easy… I wish her eternal peace, that she rests easy now, knowing she inspired so many of us.

Rest in Peace. #ripshannendoherty Thank you for your courage and for sharing that strength with us all. @theshando" - Carrie Ann Inaba

"Very sad about the passing of Shannen Doherty. She was an extremely cool gal and a force. Really enjoyed getting to work together. She was a total pro. And, in our conversations, I always felt the fighter she was and showed herself to be in the years after. Very admirably so.

I hadn’t seen her in a handful of years, but, when we ran into each other last, we reflected on the unique adventure we had filming in New Zealand. We shot there for over a month on a film called Kiss Me Deadly. It was the first gay spy film, and we had a great time doing it. (I also remember, as a big Indiana Jones fan, geeking out that we were working with John Rhys Davies. I can’t recall now whether it was as impactful for Shannen. :))

There were plenty of fun facts and moments, but my one of my favorites was discovering her secret passion for World of Warcraft. (It’s been mentioned out there in the world at this point.) It was a hugely popular online interactive role-play game at the time. I remember being impressed that she brought her separate gaming computer all the way to NZ to play it. She was leading a mission with a team of folks from around the world who had no idea that it was actually @theshando leading them because she was using her online handle. Although she said she suspected that some might be cluing in. Among her many other qualities, it was a unique, fun, and little known aspect that I found really endearing. (Especially as a fellow fantasy fiction and role play gaming aficionado.)

Rest in peace, Shannen. And thank you for sharing your journey so openly with the world. You made it better for doing so." - Robert Gant

[shannendoherty-fans]

Stars pay tribute to 'force of nature' Doherty12 hours agoBy Ian Youngs, Culture reporter, BBC NewsGetty ImagesJason Priestley was "shocked and saddened" by Shannen Doherty's deathShannen Doherty has been remembered as a "beloved" actress with "heart, courage and kindness", following her death from cancer at the age of 53.Doherty was known for roles in 1990s teen drama Beverly Hills, 90210 and supernatural series Charmed.Jason Priestley, who played her twin brother on 90210, wrote on Instagram he was "shocked and saddened" by the news."She was a force of nature and I will miss her," he said. "Sending love and light to her family in this dark time."Getty ImagesJennie Garth wrote about her "tremendous grief"Jennie Garth, who played Kelly, the sometime love rival of Doherty's character Brenda, said she was "still processing my tremendous grief over the loss of my long-time friend Shannen, the woman I have often described as one of the strongest people I have ever known"."We were so often pitted against each other - but none of that reflected the truth of our real relationship, which was one built on mutual respect and admiration," Garth wrote."She was courageous, passionate, determined and very loving and generous. I will miss her and will always honour her deeply in my heart and in my memories. My heart breaks for her family and [her dog] Bowie and all the people who loved her."Getty ImagesSarah Michelle Gellar recalled how Doherty loved animals, "especially dogs"Buffy the Vampire Slayer star Sarah Michelle Gellar, a good friend, posted: "How do you possibly find the right words to sum up 30 years of friendship?"I keep reminding myself it only hurts this much because, there was so much love. Thank you, for all your kind words and support."Recalling Doherty's love of pets, Gellar asked well-wishers to donate to an animal charity in her memory. "I know that would make our girl happy."Doherty's death comes five years after that of her fellow Beverly Hills, 90210 star, Luke Perry.Gabrielle Carteris, who played Andrea in the hit series, paid tribute to Doherty, writing: "So young - so sad. May you RIP Shannon. I know Luke is there with open arms to love you."Tori Spelling, who played Donna, posted a photo of herself and Doherty, alongside a string of broken-heart emojis and the message: "I don't have outwards words yet... but we knew and that's what matters."Another Beverly Hills 90210 co-star, Brian Austin Green, addressed his tribute to "Shan, my sister"."You loved me through everything. You were a big part of my understanding of love," he wrote. "I'll miss you more than I know how to process right now. Thank you for the gift of you."

Carol Potter, who played Brenda's mother, Cindy, wrote Doherty had "gone too soon".

"Throughout, she stayed true to herself and gave us an example of courage and perseverance in facing her own death," Potter said. "May she rest in peace."

On Charmed, Doherty played one of three sisters who were witches.

Rose McGowan, who replaced Doherty in the show, as half-sister Paige, wrote she "had the heart of a lion".

"My head bows to this warrior on her journey home," McGowan wrote. "Her intense will to live places in her in the hall of legends. Forever our sister."

Alyssa Milano, who played sister Phoebe, acknowledged the pair's "complicated relationship", with reports they had fallen out on set, leading to Doherty's departure.

"But at its core was someone I deeply respected and was in awe of," Milano added in a statement.

"She was a talented actress, beloved by many, and the world is less without her. My condolences to all who loved her."

'Shared battle'

Another Charmed co-star, Brian Krause, wrote: "You showed me what strength is. You taught me to be fearless and live with purpose, to know your value and stick to your determination. Forever loved. Truly heartbroken."

Others paying tribute included actress Olivia Munn, herself diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year, who was "absolutely heartbroken".

"We bonded through a shared battle and a desire to help other women," she wrote. "Looking back on the last text she sent me, just a couple months ago, she asked how I was doing and if she could do anything for me.

"True to form, Shannen was offering her support even though she was in the final stage of fighting this horrific disease."

Doherty had faced the disease with "such dignity, strength and grace", Munn added.

Actress Kate Beckinsale said on Instagram: "Love you. Fly high lovely kind sweetheart woman. This hits hard. Your heart, courage and kindness will be so missed."

And Oscar winner Viola Davis wrote: "Your bravery and ability to share your cancer journey left something 'in' people. Rest well. God bless your loved ones."

[stocky2016]

"Winning Collaboration"

They both genuinely feel the muse in their unique collaboration,

sharing a joy that brings us their rare team-worked renditions

Humble efforts of the most noble and creative grace,

but feelings we hope will stand the test of both time and space.

Like them, let's ALL explore and write together, ah, how exciting

shared pens, creating figurative stanzas of evocative writing...

Conjuring up romantic verses that we hope will transcend

resulting in a rare poetry, where the means justifies the end.

As they open up and share their poetic ideas,

discovering the key that unlocks creative meteor showers

We might well be dreamers, like this creative team,

but we need their aspirations way beyond our mortal dreams.

From G's beautiful poetic muse it has to be said,

'M's" poetry has reached even greater heights instead...

Her powerful gift, and creative strength so divine,

her choice of diction dovetails and entwines.

They've been writing together through every twist and turn,

friends like them use each situations. they help us learn,

No matter what the challenge they have to face,

they'll make it through with friendship and grace.

If one of them is strong, then they are much stronger as two,

tackling the miscellaneous goals that come into view,

Their "special relationship" strengthens with each and every poem

always having each others back, a "winning combination."

In aspiration's land of harmonious souls,

two friends have found each other, a woman and a man,

Their dreams, their incredible love of poetry,

unified by their curious passion, for word-alchemy.

They met in such an ugly utilitarian world,

and made words dance and verse surpass itself,

Their brilliant minds wielded pens inspired,

making them capable of even higher verse.

They knew each other down to the smallest detail,

their souls echoing, their minds through perfect osmosis,

They knew how to complement and understand each other,

creating poems together that brought tears to the eyes.

Their words gently caress the reader's heart,

fashioning verses that evoke emotions with increasing fervour,

They remain proud of their work in collaboration,

a union that transcended even their fertile imaginations,

They shared their joys, their sorrows,

Their hopes, their dreams, without embarrassment,

their relationship built on trust and admiration,

but an unwavering commitment through thick and thin.

Their pens ignited, propelled by their intense friendship,

Produced the words that reflect life's ,humanity,

In each collaboration you can experience their complicity,

a connection so rare, a symbiosis of eternity.

© Geoff Stockton in close collaboration with his co-writing Muse and poetess

© Myriam Ghezaïl Ben Brahim

[blueflyingturtleontheway]

Now then let's go with... oh 21 and 37

What's funny is that I didn't even plan to take this ask game XD

But those questions are too good to pass up, so let's go:

21. What’s one secret of theirs that could potentially ruin a relationship they have?

This question is perfect for Aleksandr... Because it already happened to him. We've already said that he was responsible for Stanislaw's (temporary) death and kept it a secret for many (around 27) years, so maybe I'll tell a little more about the effects of when his secret got revealed.

What's important is that he told Lyudmila himself (which kinda made it better? But not really x)) and at that moment she was too shaken to say anything more than just to get out. But her next thought was to bring him back and just execute him without court, with only Stanislaw to stop her from that. Obviously Aleksandr lived but Lyudmila took away almost all of his titles and privileges, he got cast out from the capital and forbidden from ever take any official roles again - and that's quite a downgrade from being the closest person to the knyaz with the exception of her literal husband.

Though Lyudmila's actions might seem drastic (they were) given how long ago it happened and, Stanislaw being alive again and the fact that Aleksandr spent all those years serving her and the kingdom, but from her perspective? She just learned that her best friend who majorly helped her put herself back together after her love's death and whom she has trust with his life many times later, was the same man WHO KILLED HIM. And it felt to her as if their whole friendship was built on a lie, as if Aleksandr not only killed Stanislaw but also used it to get closer to her. And she really trusted him like no one else, she thought they had no secrets before each other but he's been keeping such a major one for such a long time?! Lyudmila is also a very lawful person (as the ruler she literally is the law to some degree) and this also put doubt on him not only as her friend but as her right hand man too, how can she trust him with national matters if he might be hiding other murderous secrets? If he lies to his ruler?

She judged him for what she could and tried to just cut him out of her life, but to some degree the worst punishment came from other people. Because of Lyudmila's violent reaction, an avalanche of gossip erupted and some of them were even worse than the actual crime Aleksandr committed, pushing him even further into his solitude and ruining the life of his son as well...

37. What’s their favorite thing about their significant other, if they have one?

You didn't specify which pair this refers to, so we'll just tell about both XD

For Stanislaw he definitely admires Lyudmila's passion and dedication, how she puts everything into ruling the kingdom, caring about her family and basically everything she does without exhausting herself, whereas Lyudmila loves how open he is, both in terms of honesty and a kind of simpleness he still carries in his life.

Michał and Maria are actually quite different from each other, which makes it both easier and more difficult to answer, but Michał admires her bravery, both in the physical sense that Maria isn't a fighter but she isn't a coward and she's ready to protect herself and people she cares about (this is kinda what made him fall in love with her in the first place) and also in the way that she isn't afraid to speak her mind and back her words with actions. What Maria admires in Michał is, surprisingly, his sincerity. At first he appeared to be really pompous (I mean he kinda is) and fake, willing to do everything for attention or his personal gain, but in time she realized that he actually has a very strong sense of justice and even if he can be dramatic he never plays with people's emotions to hurt them and at the end of the day he always strives for honesty and truth.

Thank you for those (unexpected) questions and letting me babble about our beloved Lachians a little more ^^

Ask game

[fortoffort]

FOF 115: EXILE 35: ARRIVAL, NEHEMIAH 13

The Jews had returned from exile and the walls of Jerusalem had been rebuilt. What should have been a new start for the nation, ended up being a return to their old practices. Nehemiah had joined them to help them rebuild but even after the building work was finished he took on the much trickier work of pushing them to obey God’s law. We see how zealous Nehemiah is for the law in the forceful manner he deals with law breakers, Tobiah was an Ammonite who was trying to sabotage the rebuilding project, he’d decided to store some of his belongings in the new temple and Nehemiah threw them out in his fury.

Nehemiah purifies the temple after the offending items have been removed. He then chastises the officials for not supplying the needs of the priests. He puts a team in place to make sure they get their supplies. He stops merchants from selling their wares on the sabbath by shutting the gates and posting guards. He then rounds on the men who had married foreign wives, he treats them the most harshly of all, he verbally and physically abuses them. He says that they are sinning like King Solomon who was led astray by his many wives. He wants God to be merciful towards him because of all these efforts to purify the Jewish nation but the book ends with his plea for favour from God and no sign that the Jews have taken onboard his correction or changed their ways at all.

I think we can admire Nehemiah’s commitment to holiness even if his methods of attaining it are flawed. We know that holiness is something we can’t achieve, we saw from yesterday’s passage in Zephaniah that it is received, it is God’s gift to us. It is true that we are called to correct and admonish one another but it must always be from a place of love. I work in a school and I have continually found that children are much more likely to listen to you if you have first built up a relationship with them, you can be firm but never harsh. If we are too harsh when we correct each other we are likely to either ignore or rebel against the guidance. Here the Jews seem to be paying Nehemiah little heed and we get a sense of foreboding, they may have returned to Jerusalem but the issues that led them to exile are still present. Their location has changed but their hearts are still far from God.

We have seen all the way through this study the absolute necessity of Jesus’ ministry. By our nature we rebel against God. One of the greatest miracles Christ can achieve is to completely realign our desires towards God rather than away from him. Jesus did not achieve this by coming to earth and forcing our obedience, the history of the earth has shown that you can’t force someone to change who they are at a fundamental level. You may be able to control someone’s behaviour through fear but their hearts and minds will remain unmoved. Real change only comes when we love something with all of our affection, it is then that we find all of our opinions and thoughts beginning to point towards it like a magnet. If this is true of our human relationships, like great friendships and marriages, how much truer is it of the relationship with our creator, Father God. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross means that our old system of living is dead and we have been rebooted with a new life, a new way of living. With this new life we can be filled with God’s Spirit who allows us to know God personally, as we get to know God building our relationship with him, our devotion to him grows, our whole being points towards him and we truly arrive home from exile.

[groundbreakingdot872]

Dancing with Our Hands Tied by Tswift for MERGWEN - an analysis

———————————————————

I, I loved you in secret

First sight, yeah, we love without reason

Oh, twenty-five years old

Oh, how were you to know? And

From season 1 onwards, Merlin’s and Gwen’s friendship was solidly established.

She crushed on him at first, and attraction might’ve dimmed then to turn into a decade-long friendship, but that first ‘spark’ between them was real, genuine and pure.

I think these lines would reference that first crush (I think Merlin was too oblivious to realize he had a crush on Gwen in season 1 and by the time he realized it was too late lmao), which remained as an undercurrent of attraction between the two.

I remember Goblin’s Gold, Merlin’s bittersweet “You still have feelings for Arthur?”, his determination (and adorably supportive arc of an Arwen shipper and his stress melting away when he actually! told Gwen about the issues that were plaguing Camelot.

Gwen, after her Lancelot stint in s1-2, grew out of the crush but watched Merlin grow into the endearing and courageous man he became by season 5. He was a parallel to Arthur in every good way, virtue and justice epitomized probably even more so, and she noticed and admired his strength. A strength she grew to rely on post-Camlaan.

Their ‘first sight/love without reason’ are their new selves, hardened and thrown-around oddballs who are more entwined in Camelot’s destiny than anyone else after Arthur’s death. And in each other.

At 25, they were both in the ‘Golden age’, before Camlaan, which I’m interpreting these lines as, ‘how were they to know everything would go horrifically wrong/ how were they to know they would rely on each other so much more’

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Oh, and you held me close

Oh, how was I to know? I–

These lines speak to me as the unspeakable leagues of grief they shared over the end of the war. Arthur is the most sorest point, but there were so many others between them: Gwaine, Elyan, Tom, Will, Freya, Morgana… A list of tragedies that they were both linked to inextricably, and so they could only rely on each other.

Only Guinevere would know how Arthur’s laugh pitched low in the candlelight after they lay together before bed, only Merlin understood how every morning and evening without his relentless jibes and observations could feel so empty.

They both knew and suffered from Morgana as well, since the dead were guarded from pain, these two living, breathing ghosts in the wake of Camlaan looked to each other for a pulse.

“Deep blue but you painted me golden” - I’ve always read this line from Gwen’s perspective, and read it exactly how it is.

After Camlaan, Merlin’s magic and secrecy were revealed and they looked into each other’s eyes honestly. How were they to know that this newfound honesty would cross lines, encroach into territory they both swore off after Arthur’s death?

How Merlin’s gold kept the deep blue waters of Arthur’s eyes away.

Could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket

I LOVE THESE LINES.

They give off such a specific image that is so Mergwen. It evokes that summery feeling of their love from the beginning of their friendship to bringing that feeling to light again for them to move on 10 years later.

Gwen has her hands in Merlin’s pockets and is starting up at him in devotion OR Merlin has his pockets in Gwen’s aprons, teasing and distracting her as she bakes a desert for the first time in a long while.

They heal each other with their inherent joy, something they both cherished and encouraged in each other, before recognizing that an incredibly solid relationship can be built on those lines.

The next line is tragic to me, and I think references Merlin’s immortality. I can imagine him years later, on the shores of Lake Avalon, with a portrait he painted himself of Gwen’s likeness; with a deep and unbearable sadness. He misses his wife, his best friend, the mother of their child (ren) and the only reason he’s able to find an everyday hope in all the years that have separated them.

My personal hc ISN’T that he spends the next 1500 years after the Great Battle, never returning home, ignoring Gaius’s well-meant letters and ignoring Gwen’s pleas.

Instead, I think they’re the two most likely in this heartbreaking series to recognize the worth in moving on, in finding comfort in each other, and continuing the lineage and destiny Arthur left in their capable hands.

I think Merlin becomes Prince consort, after a long and pleasurable courtship with the Queen, and he (above all the other eligible princes, princesses, kings and queens Gwen considered) would become the father of their child.

This would work out so many kinks in the story, their everlasting love, tied by magic, would sweep the kingdom into a true Golden Age of Peace and Prosperity.

The Great Warlock and Greatest Sorcerer to ever walk the earth conjoined with the Once and Future Queen will unite the lands of Albion, will be the perfect match to face the next centuries and beyond.

And I know that Merlin will be heart broken at Gwen’s bedside, when the years have passed so quickly between them. Too fast, too soon.

I know he’ll sit at the shores of that damned lake and think of both of them, and their presence in his life.

But I know Gwen was always the light to his path, and will help him endure future losses over his long life, with the time she gave him; her courage and love a testament to the strength he has always safeguarded, which he will lock away in his heart.

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it

Merlin tells Gwen fervently, ‘no matter what happened at Camlaan, no matter the outcome of the war, no matter the terrible losses, Camelot will not fall while I’m at your side.’

This eventually develops from a long-withstanding devotion to the crown to something more.

I had a bad feeling

Gwen, is not exactly the bubbly optimist from ten years ago; and Merlin is no longer the naively persevering young man either. Gwen has hesitations, whether this new flame will last. Merlin has changed since the loss, and she needs someone who can stay.

And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis

A bit obvious lol, but it’s nice imagery. They find solace and passion! in each other.

People started talking, putting us through our paces

I knew there was no one in the world who could take it

I had a bad feeling

After this semi-courtship comes to light, the friends turned lovers are hesitant to go public.

Especially Gwen. She already has a precarious position in court, since her marriage, and with the king’s death she needs to cement her role in the future of the kingdom.

The people want to know how the rules, traditions and values of Camelot will change going forward, and although she is hardened from criticism (both of them are) Gwen doesn’t want to expose Merlin to it. Not only are they both lowly servants turned high-born, through the affection of the king, Merlin is the embodiment of Magic itself (Emrys).

People will talk about how Gwen moved on. People will talk about the Pendragon lineage sullied with servants. People will accuse them of this being their plan all along, but they will take on the hurt together.

——————————————————————————

But we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

Like it was the first time, first time

These are the most poetic lines for me!!

‘Dancing with their hands tied’ could mean na so many things, but it mostly signifies their courage to ‘dance’ or keep living beyond Arthur’s death. They dance with their ‘hands tied’ because of their individual responsibilities, to the Kingdom of Camelot, the multitudes with magic and the future of Albion.

But somehow, they reconcile these differences and ‘marry’ these sides in beautiful harmony, living the dream that was foretold for thousands of years. They are the prophecy, the king’s last wish and hopeful dream.

This is exactly what Arthur would’ve wanted for his two favorite people in the world!

I, I loved you in spite of

Deep fears that the world would divide us

So, baby, can we dance?

Oh, through an avalanche? And

The avalanche of criticism before the wedding is building up.

Gwen is terrified that Merlin might leave her, like everyone else has, and Merlin is worried that Gwen will retreat further into herself to protect them both.

Not only are political and traditions-based upheavals about to take place, but an emotional upheaval.

These two need the courage to know they can step into their new roles, that Gwen can develop the military foresight and stoic calm that Arthur displayed with the the knights, and that Merlin can diplomatically traverse tensions between the magic and anti-magic sides from within the heart of the kingdom.

That they can be sure that this is their place, from the resurrected throne of Camelot.

I think they won’t let the ‘world divide’ them by keeping time together outside of the court and society a priority. That time as just Gwen and Merlin is always prioritized. They will remember the ones they lost but also create new memories from the ashes.

I have the image of Merlin sneaking Gwen to an alcove on the roof, and blossoming floating lights from his palms. Gwen dragging him away from a council meeting to secluded picnic out in the woods.

Them reclaiming the Queen’s chamber’s for intimate candlelit dinners, where there are no formalities and no trivialities. Their deep discussions about magic, society and loss go on for hours and hours at night, and the warmth they share laying next to each other keeps the hearth of love between them alive. They not only survive but truly live.

Say, say that we got it

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

The moments of harsh remembrance for them both, cruel anniversaries, cleaning and keeping Arthur’s chambers and preserving Gwen’s childhood home will be tears in the seam of their newly found calm.

At times, they will both be a mess, but the image of them back-to-back in battle encourages me, they get past it. And their growing family of knights, friends, royals, magical children and Aithusa support them through those unfortunate times. They grieve, but grieve together.

Oh, 'cause it's gravity

Oh, keeping you with me, I–

They were just as star-crossed and meant to be as Merlin and Arthur, Guinevere and Arthur. Their romance was foretold as a legacy for their king, their people and each other.

They can’t keep away from each other, and it’s not a tragic ending this time. Gwen and Merlin carve out this happy ending for themselves!

——————————————————————————

I'd kiss you as the lights went out

Swaying as the room burned down

I'd hold you as the water rushes in

If I could dance with you again

Tangent: THIS PIC DOES SOMETHING TO ME AHHHH im in love with how they look at each other it’s so solid

These lines are a mixture of nostalgic, wishful and love-struck.

Beyond their roles, Gwen and Merlin are two souls who would’ve always found each other in different lives, and different universes.

No matter what change rocks their world, they find a genuine hope in each other, one that’s everlasting and lives longer than the extent of either of their lives.

It means something more than both of them, encapsulates something bigger than them both.

In any universe, in any time they’d hold each other strong and grieve. Together as the waves of loss threaten to drown them, as the sharp talons of hate and criticism pierce them both, as thousands of years go in a distance greater than any man’s heart.

Their kaleidoscope of love perseveres though all, and perhaps, 1500 years later, when a certain young warlock, timeless in figure and character, is sitting by the lakeside; he hopes for the appearance of another ruler, another lost love, a romance unremembered by the modern masses.

And perhaps this flame is reciprocated, a dream buoyed up in the breath of a king’s last wish, and to the sorcerer’s astonishment and fervent longing, a long-awaited once and future queen emerges from the shore.

To be Once and Always.

——————————————————————————

Thank you for reading this far!! love love love 💕

Pics from twitter: check out @mergwenlovebot

[emdeedot45]

I’ve been thinking about the Dawsey/Brettsey journey...

Dawsey had chemistry, they had a good friendship in the early days, they loved each other.

But ultimately, by the end of season 6 they did not have a healthy relationship. They were in a horrible place. Dawson was constantly leaving him out of big decisions and Casey was constantly bottling things and wasn’t asking for what he wanted. They needed time to re-evaluate and decide how they could fix this.

Except that isn’t what Dawson chose to do. She chose to leave rather than fix it. I’m sure she didn’t expect her time in PR to turn into what it did – but it did. As sad as it was for Casey, the fact that she found something she loved and something she was devoted to is great. As Casey said, she was born to do work like this.

Life is constantly full of choices and she chose the thing that, at that point of her life, made her the happiest. In doing so, she chose to walk away from her marriage and her relationships in Chicago. That loss was a consequence she was evidently willing to bear.

“But she asked Casey to go with her”

Her bags were packed, she was going without him, she asked quickly, she didn’t push it, she knew it wasn’t something that would come into fruition. She also knows Casey – he’s a Chicago guy. He wasn’t going anywhere, and Gabby was so independent that there was nothing he could do to stop her. He also didn’t want to stop her – he wanted her to do something that was right for her, but that didn’t mean he should have sacrificed what was right for him. The right thing for him being staying in the city he loves, in the job he loves with the people he loves.

Dawsey ending and both parties moving on does not take away from what they had. It doesn’t erase the good, it doesn’t erase the important impact they had on each other, it doesn’t erase that they’ll always care for each other. How could they not?

Just because their journey ended does not mean that they shouldn’t be allowed to find happiness and love again.

“But they left the door open, she could come back”

It’s a huge disservice to Casey to let him remain in ‘Gabby limbo’, just waiting for the *possibility* - not at ALL a certainty – that she will come back and they’ll just get back together. It’s also a disservice to want him to be in a relationship with someone who chose to walk away from him rather than fix what was broken. It’s a disservice to want him to be in a relationship with someone he was no longer in a healthy relationship with. It’s a disservice to GABBY to want her to go back to that too – because it clearly was not working or making them happy. They just couldn’t give each other what they wanted.

If it was me, I wouldn’t want to live the rest of my life wishing for a broken relationship to come back to me. I would want to be able to evolve, to build new relationships, to be happy – and that’s exactly what the writers are doing for Casey. They’ve been very honest about it, they’ve shown that he can get a bit stuck in everything, that moving on from someone isn’t an easy process, that sometimes it can be a real grey area.

As for the Brettsey of it all… from a dramatic TV perspective, having your main character fall for his ex-wife’s ex-best friend and partner is a juicy story that is full of opportunity based on a rich history of content. But MORE than that – having your main character fall for someone who has been in front of him this whole time, who is meeting him with the same generous, giving spirit that he gives people is the stuff of romantic dreams. Casey has lost so much, so allowing him to finally have his slice of stable, constant happiness is beautiful storytelling – and Brett and Casey have been on a stunningly written journey together.

“But she’s second choice!”

Is she? Because by that logic, Casey thought he and Hallie would be together forever, but she died – so wouldn’t that make Dawson his second choice (she wasn’t)? Life doesn’t work like that, we make choices that suit the place we’re at in our lives. Casey chose to move on from Hallie, Dawson chose to take a break from the relationship in season 3, they both chose to sign the divorce papers. There is no reason why Casey couldn’t willingly and completely choose Brett, a woman he admires and respects and loves as her own person, to be in his life at the point he is at right now. There’s no reason why he can’t have a third great love.

You don’t have to like Brettsey or Dawsey or Dawson or Brett or Casey – equally you have every right in the world to love these relationships and people - but the story that the writers are telling fits with writers who care and respect the characters they have built for the past ten years. It fits with a story that wants their characters to flourish and to just LIVE.

It’s time for Casey to be happy and the story they’re telling suggests that his happiness is in Brett.

And that’s pretty darn wonderful.

[lost-in-yujikiri]

Thank you for tagging me in the showcase of maleservice in SAO lmaooo😂👌🥂 boi supremacy hell yeah.

Though yknow what I'd love to see (more) from the fandom??? Klein vs Eugeo content. They're both of Kirito's ''first'' bros, afterall. 😎 I'd love to see the discussions and comparisons, or maybe the potential solidarity between them...heck, even crack/memes with them would be great. 😁✨ C'mon now!

Well, Kirito himself made the comparison between having guy friends so much older than him and having a guy friend his age already.

From Kirito’s monologue in LN volume 13:

Before I’d been trapped in the deadly game of SAO, I considered all the other boys at school to be childish. I was reserved in my interactions with them. That standoffish nature of mine didn’t change much once I was trapped in that virtual floating castle. I’d met men like Klein and Agil who were good, well-adjusted souls that I found common ground with, but we never reached that level of true friendship when you bare your secrets to the other. Even with Asuna, the deepest relationship I’d ever had, I wasn’t able to confess my inner weakness until just before the moment Aincrad crumbled and our minds were about to vanish.

After I gained my freedom from SAO, my reputation for strength in VR had to be continually upheld, lest I lose that valuable image. I was trapped by the knowledge that others knew me not as the weak, mortal Kazuto Kirigaya, but as Kirito the hero, champion of the game of death. And I couldn’t deny that I had been leading them (and myself) to that conclusion, even though I knew deep down that the more layers of that artifice that built up, the further I got from the truly important things.

So when I first realized after meeting Eugeo that I didn’t have to pretend to be anything, I was amazed—and wondered why.

So in my own words:

Klein and in extension Agil are the kind of homies who like & admire Kirito and is willing to play & fight alongside Kirito whenever they’re not tied down by their own life responsibilities, and while Kirito see Klein & Agil as great friends to have, he still wants the kind of closeness that same-age homies have. Not to mention Klein & Agil are at a very different social age than Kirito: in real life, Kirito is still only a student, while Klein has an office job and Agil has his wife & coffee shop. And while they know each other for long, it’s not like they’re together all the time, in Aincrad Klein had his own guild while Agil has his own party & merchant shop, and they usually met Kirito mostly in tactic meetings & front line. Even Kirito mused on how even if they’re great friends, they still have that certain distance that they can’t be close to Kirito the way he likes friends to be.

Eugeo is the same-age homie that Kirito has always wanted and more, with Eugeo Kirito doesn’t have to keep up his “mature Aincrad hero” image like for his other friends and he can be himself as just a teenage boy. Kirito also has spent a much longer time living with Eugeo: the money for the 2 boys to start up their 2 years journey from Rulid to Zakkaria to Centoria was Eugeo’s saved up money; Eugeo helped Kirito in Sacred Arts, ate, slept, worked in Zakkaria with him, stopped him from accidentally breaking rules, and Eugeo treated Kirito equally rather than put him on a pedestal. Not to mention the 10 years of childhood they shared together even if both of them were made forgotten by RATH. Their personalities also click well, I think you already saw it in the anime.

[kitkatopinions]

The sad thing is that Blake's most healthiest option romance wise is someone who gives her space and willing to let her go. Sun fits this description perfectly. But they went with a codependent toxic relationship partially held together by guilt in which one side is clearly submissive and the other too worried and insecure.

Yeah, tbh, the send off to Sun at the start of volume six made me think they would pick up the relationship where it left off eventually for a couple different reasons, but one of them was this reason.

I want to preface this post by saying that A. I don’t really like Bumblebee and I don’t need a reason to dislike it even though I have reason to dislike it, B. I’ve shipped BlackSun from Sun’s first introduction, and C. also I’m coming at this as someone who has been in a co-dependent relationship, so all three of those things means I’m naturally a little biased. I’m not pretending this is all a super objective, impersonal interpretation. This is just me talking honestly about my thoughts towards a ship I don’t like. Bees, I’m sorry if this shows up in your tags, Tumblr is being screwy and I’m not trying to rain on anyone else’s posts. I’m using filterables and putting this under a keep reading to try and make it easier for Bumblebee fans to not see this.

I had - when I saw season six’s opening ep - given the show mad props for writing a romance driven relationship where the partners didn’t have to stay together all the time to still care about each other and be secure. It felt like the perfect move to me to get some distance between their characters while firmly establishing that Sun had never done the things he’d done ‘to win the girl,’ and didn’t consider himself ‘letting Blake go.’ Sun not only being willing to spend this time away from Blake, but to not even need it really said, and to have his own stuff he needed to do as well... All of that felt like a healthy, independent relationship. I don’t mean to get personal on main, but I’ve been in a relationship where I felt partially responsible for my partner’s happiness and he tried to do things like keep me from my friends or guilt me into things. I ignored the red flags because our relationship was important to me, but it made me feel pretty unhappy because I was always worried that if I didn’t do the things he wanted, he would get upset and over-react, and put himself down until I built him back up, and if we didn’t spend the majority of our time together, he would start talking about feeling like I didn’t really care that much about him and how lonely he felt. This was really exhausting to me, especially since I’m an introvert.

Sun always seemed like such a good partner for Blake because he was always so self-possessed, so confident in who he was already, independent and happy and accepting of Blake’s independence. Sun was always there for Blake, but he also was the one usually pushing her towards interacting with others too, they were able to go do separate things and even go on completely different missions with confidence and without drama. For a character who had previously been in a destructive, possessive, controlling, abusive relationship, it had seemed like a scene that clearly established Blake and Sun’s relationship as one where Sun wasn’t expecting Blake to stay with him all the time, respected her goals and her independence, and had his own life and his own friends too. I had kind of just assumed that the choice to have Sun leave the group and go to Vacuo was to further their relationship. Upon rewatching the scene later now that I know that the writers were already starting to try to implement Bumbleby, I can see how the show writers might’ve been intending that scene to be an amiable goodbye where Sun confirms to Neptune that they aren’t actually an item with his ‘it was never about that.’ But I just have to shake my head, because I was giving the writers credit for something they didn’t do.

Instead, they were trying to tie off the relationship between Sun and Blake by having him leave, not cementing Blake’s independence and Sun’s encouragement of that (and they tied it off badly imo because Blake freakin’ kissed the boy lol.) And once they had Sun leave, they started setting Blake up with Yang. I want to clarify that there’s nothing wrong with the writers deciding to go with Blake x Yang, and the ship itself was not a totally baseless one. I’m personally disappointed that one of my favorite RWBY ships isn’t going to be endgame, and I personally don’t like the idea of Blake and Yang as a couple. But my problem isn’t really with the ship itself, it’s with how the show writers have chosen to write the ship in execution.

Getting past the queerbaitery nature of Bumblebee as a ship, the choices surrounding Blake and Yang seem faulty on both sides (which I also think is important to remember. I’ve seen loads of people recognizing that Bumblebee as written in the show is destructive to Blake, but I’ve seen much fewer people talk about how it’s not the best for Yang too.)

Let’s start from the fact that Blake is an abuse victim. She was previously in a relationship with Adam and talks about his destructive and violent behavior. Blake has a really hard time trusting people because of how Adam had acted. He was explosive, manipulative, and he got angry at and hurt Blake specifically for leaving him. The last thing Blake would need is a relationship where she feels personally responsible for the stability of another person. The last thing she needs is to be pressured into staying with someone. The last thing she needs is to be expected to be with that person without the option of ever working with others. The last thing she needs is to be in a relationship where she can’t be apart from someone even temporarily without that person getting anxious and insecure or without having to feel guilty and like she did something wrong.

And yet the show has her in a relationship with someone that has abandonment issues. The show has her promise to stay with Yang in a moment of huge trauma, Blake crying out a desperate denial to the accusations of the abusive ex who had made her life hell, after he tried to again separate her from anyone she loved and she was forced to kill someone she had once deeply cared about. It was also a really weird choice of the writers to have the characters respond to a question over if they’d ever thought about working with other partners with dismissive and cold behavior as if the very idea was somehow wrong (especially since Yang spent quite a bit of time pre-volume six working with Weiss and Blake spent so much of her time working with Sun.) And the writers chose to frame Blake and Yang leaving on temporary separate missions in volume eight to result in insecurity and anxiety from Yang and guilt for Blake. On top of that, Yang is a person with a strong temper and aggressive tendencies. Although she seemed to be trying to work through those problems in seasons four and five, Yang backslid and seems just as controlled by her anger and her insecurities as her volume 2 self now, who had lashed out at Blake and angrily pushed her for not listening in ��burning the candle.’

As for Yang, she lost her mom when she was very young (Ruby was a toddler,) and her dad temporarily shut down after that. She soon found out her biological mom had left her when she was a baby and spent her whole life wondering why while her uncle spent that time flitting in and out of her life and taking on dangerous missions - the same types of missions that had killed the woman who had raised Yang for the first part of her life. Yang has deep seeded fears of being abandoned and losing her loved ones, and she also has a history of trying to take care of and support the people around her even at her own personal expense. While Yang’s more selfless moments in season five - like giving up her dream of getting answers from Raven to follow and protect Ruby even when she clearly wasn’t wholly healed from her trauma - are admirable, what Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone who she feels like she has to protect and save and sacrifice for. What Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone she feels like she can’t rely on to be there for her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who can’t give her stability or struggles to trust her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who won’t call her out when she goes a little too far. And yet the writers chose to put Yang with someone who runs on the regular, the only member of their team who thought Yang might be lying about Mercury, someone who needs time and distance when Yang clearly needs someone who is consistent and present. And then the writers made it so that Yang and Blake spend very little time with anyone else. The writers made it so that they can’t be apart without guilt and anxieties.

And you guys, Blake in seasons 6-8 feels so needy. She’s consistently in need of saving, consistently doesn’t stand for herself, seems like she needs a lot of reassurance in her relationship, she’s consistently waiting for other people to make moves, etc. Even when Blake convinces Yang to divulge top secret information to Robyn, when Ironwood confronts them about it, Blake backs up and leaves Yang to explain their actions. In the early seasons, it feels like Yang cares more about their friendship than Blake does and that she’s putting in more effort, which don’t get me wrong, makes total sense since Blake had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and Yang’s clear anger problems (and her using a laser pointer to try and force Blake to talk to her,) might’ve made Blake hesitant to get close to or open up to Yang. But while it no longer feels like Yang cares more, it still feels like Yang puts in more work. Yang is constantly reassuring, protecting, comforting, and stepping up for Blake, while Blake is so passive and acts so dependent that I personally can’t help but feel like Yang must be exhausted. Yang needs stability and reassurance too, Yang needs a partner she can talk to and rely on to be there. When the writers did write Blake as trying to comfort and take care of Yang, it was way too much and had undertones of ableism. And I know, I know they had this ‘we’re taking care of each other’ moment when they were fighting Adam, but that’s just what we were told for one scene, and not what we’ve actually seen in their relationship.

The worst thing is that it didn’t need to be that way. Bumbleby could’ve been a really good ship that built on their foundation. Blake used to be an independent, brave, strong, active character. Blake stood up for herself to Weiss, told Ozpin to his face that he needed to do more for the Faunus, used to have a great, creative fighting style, used to be this sassy girl who’d banter with Sun and with Yang and when she did start opening up to Yang, it was a great way to start evolving their characters to be a strong relationship. In V3 when Blake admitted that she had doubts about Yang due to her past experiences with Adam, but opened herself up and decided to trust Yang anyway when Yang looked her in the eyes and told her sincerely exactly what had happened... That was so great and it really showed off the dynamic the two of them were starting to adapt. CRWBY might’ve immediately separated the two, but A. Seasons four and most of season five had great set up for them to work through their problems and then continue to grow that great dynamic we started seeing in the first three seasons. And B. their respective arcs continued their growth as characters even apart from each other. While I wish that RWBY had let the two work some of this out together, the growth that we were getting did make them more suited for each other. I’ll always ship BlackSun. But Yang getting a hold on her emotions, maturing, starting to work through her abandonment issues, and displaying just what a caring, honest person she was, at the same time that Blake was working through her past and her fears, learning to let people in, strengthening her resolve, and coming into her own as a leader... Come on, those two characters could’ve easily developed a good, healthy, strong, independent relationship and I’m legitimately sad that’s not what we got, especially since we sacrificed so much of Blake’s personality to get a worse ship.

I don’t even know what to say about it, tbh. Idk what else the writers expected us to think with how they wrote things. I’ve heard before that there was probably a cut scene in volume eight that included Yang and Blake fighting (which would then justify Yang and Blake’s reactions when they reunited,) and I do believe that, but the writers chose not to include it, and that made them look worse as a couple. Just like they chose not to include a scene where Blake and Yang work through the problem of Blake having left Yang without a word of explanation at the end of Volume 3. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake explains herself and Yang realizes that maybe she was being a little shortsighted about the trauma Blake had also gone through. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake actually learned that she didn’t have to protect or take care of Yang in volume six. And they haven’t included a scene where Blake puts just as much effort into their relationship as Yang does. And they didn’t include a scene where the two make it clear that they’re fine being apart. If anything, CRWBY has established the opposite, and it isn’t enough to just say that they’re taking care of each other, when they don’t show that to be the case. 

Sun being not only willing to let Blake be with others, go her own way, and be her own person, but encouraging of that, made him a very compelling romantic prospect for her. Unfortunately I just don’t see that with Blake and Yang. Their relationship feels co-dependent, and maybe it’s just my personal experience talking and making me chafe, but I personally just don’t like it.

However, fans have been queerbaited long enough. So personal opinions aside, CRWBY give Bumblebee some confirmation you fucking cowards.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Oh My God, They Were Roommates

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Synopsis: You’re tired of denying your relationship in every interview, but Tom insists on keeping it a secret. Lucky for you, he’s terrible at keeping secrets

Masterlist

Secretly dating Tom Holland was not an easy job. You were his on and offscreen girlfriend, no people naturally wanted you to be together in real life. Towards the beginning of your relationship, you both agreed to keep it private. You’d managed to deny relationship rumors for over a year until you discovered something:

You and Tom were really really bad at keeping it a secret. 

Far too many times, you’d do or say something that confirmed your relationship. And far too many times, you’d have to go on twitter to say it was a joke and that you and Tom were just friends. You hated lying to your fans about the nature of your relationship, and Tom wasn’t fond of it either. You didn’t want to lie anymore. You were ready for the world to know. And yet, the worst secret keeper in Hollywood was determined to keep it a secret.

It all started with social media.

You had stirred up rumors that you and Tom were dating when you dyed your hair red after being cast as MJ and posted a photo of it, captioning it “Face it tiger…”. Tom couldn’t help himself from commenting “I hit the jackpot.” The Spider-Man and MJ reference did not go over people’s heads and the rumors were born.

“This would be such a cute way to confirm our relation.” You smiled as your scrolled through the comments of your picture. “We should tell them.”

“Not yet, darling. I’m not ready for the world to know.” Tom said, much to your disappointment.

“Okay. No, I get it.” You gave him a small smile and kissed his cheek, dropping the subject.

A few weeks later, you sent out a tweet that read, “Tom just hit a pothole so hard that he’s American now.”, leaving fans to wonder why you were together on your day off.

“They caught us. They know we’re on a date.” You said from the passenger seat.

“Friends can hang out on days off. That doesn’t mean we’re a couple.” Tom replied and you looked over at him.

“But we are a couple.” You reminded him, a little hurt at his phrasing.

“They don’t need to know that. I wouldn’t even respond to it. Don’t feed the flame.” Tom shrugged and shot you a smile. You faked a smile back and nodded.

“You’re right. I won’t respond.” You put your phone down and looked out the window, hoping he couldn’t sense your disappointment.

Then, it escalated to interviews.

“Does your friendship ever interfere with shooting the romantic scenes? Like, were you ever shooting a cuddling scene or a date scene where you were grossed out because you had to do romantic things with your friend?” The interviewer asked. You couldn’t help but laugh at the irony.

“Was it weird to do romantic things with my friend Tom? That’s a great question.” You said and Tom laughed from beside you, also seeing the irony. “It was pretty weird since we are such good friends.”

“The best of friends.” Tom egged on.

“Definitely.” You gave an over exaggerated nod. “He’s like family to me.”

“Like brother and sister.” Tom added and you burst out laughing. Tom laughed at your reaction and suddenly, you’re both hunched over laughing while the interviewer watched with a confused smile.

“I don’t think it was weird.” You said after you calmed down. “I have such a respect for Tom and I really admire his work as an actor, and I assume he feels the same for me-“

“More or less.” Tom joked.

“-so it wasn’t too bad.” You finished and elbowed him slightly.

“Was the first time you kissed awkward?” The interviewer asked.

“In the movie or-“ Tom began, forgetting the rest of the world didn’t know that you’d have a first kiss as Peter and MJ and a first kiss as a couple.

“No, it wasn’t awkward.” You quickly cut him off before he blew your cover. “At the end of the day, we’re both professionals and it’s just kissing. We do it all the time now.”

“Sometimes off screen. And that’s not a joke.” Tom brought up. “Especially during filming, I would sometimes forget we weren’t actually together and I’d walk into a room and kiss her.”

You smiled at the memory, remembering all the stolen kisses before you’d made it official.

“How did everyone else react?” The interviewer asked.

“They acted like it was completely normal.” You answered.

“Because for us, it was.” Tom shrugged.

“I will say, it did get complicated kissing you when were were shooting our reunion scene in Endgame because I had to be careful of your balls.” You said.

“What?” Tom nearly gasped. You realized how it sounded and slapped a hand over your mouth.

“Motion sensor balls. The little white motion sensor balls.” You quickly explained. “Oh my God. I meant the balls on the motion caption suit.”

“I was about to say.” Tom laughed at your accident innuendo.

“Ask the next question, please.” You pleaded to get out of the awkward moment.

“So did you guys meet through this movie?” The interviewer saved you.

“Yes. We met while filming Infinity War when no one had any idea our characters were going to date.” You answered confidently to redeem yourself.

“We were always paired together for junkets and she gradually became my best friend. Sorry Haz.” Tom apologized to the camera.

“It’s great that you guys were able to click. Your chemistry in the movie is really outstanding.” The interviewer complimented. “I’m sure that’s due to the friendship you’ve built off screen.”

“Yeah, I mean it always helps to be friends with your scene partner. And when we would have to spend hours in a prop bed together, cuddling and kissing while they got the perfect shot, it made us even closer. And as for the chemistry, I guess it kinda happened naturally.” You smiled shyly.

“Here’s a clip from the upcoming film.” The interview said to the camera. A scene from Far From Home played where Peter and MJ awkwardly yet adorably flirting with each other on the London Bridge. You couldn’t help but lovingly watch Tom as the clip played, overly proud of his job in the film.

“We do have great chemistry.” Tom nodded after the clip played. “We should date.” He added and you laughed.

“The fans would love that. I’m sure you’ve seen the campaigns online for you two to get together.” The interviewer remarked.

“We’ve seen it. Or at least, I have. Have you?” You asked Tom.

“I started the campaign.” Tom deadpanned.

“Oh, okay.” You nodded causally. You both kept a straight face for as long as you could before you burst into laughter. You curled into Toms side and laughed until your sides hurt.

“So is this really just a friendship? Nothing more?” The interviewer asked skeptically.

“No. We’re just really good friends.” Tom said firmly. You smile slowly faded and you gave a curt nod. For the rest of the interview, you were in autopilot. Every time you thought Tom was ready to tell the world, he hit you with the “just friends” line. It wasn’t him calling you “friend” that hurt you. It was him saying “just”. Every time he said it, he chipped into your heart. It hurt you to hear him play your relationship off as “just” anything.

At the next interview with Jimmy Kimmel, you had a bigger slip than usual.

“I love the pants Tom.” Jimmy complimented a few minutes into the interview. “But I do miss you in the Spiderman suit.”

“Oh, thank you.” Tom smiled and smoothed out his grey patterned pants. “My girlfriend picked them out.” He said causally. His eyes widened and you did your best to keep a neutral expression.

“Girlfriend?” Jimmy asked with a cheeky smile.

“Oh, Uh, yeah. I’ve been seeing someone for a while now. I wasn’t supposed to let that slip so no one tell her.” Tom grimaced before looking into the camera. “Sorry, baby. She is really good at fashion though. She picked out most of my outfits for the press tour.”

“Well I have to say, your girlfriend has great taste.” Jimmy said.

“Thank you.” You answered, then cleared your throat to cover up the slip up. Tom caught your mistake and stifled a laugh.

“What was that, Y/n?” Tom asked coyly, knowing full well what you had accidentally said.

“I said she’s gonna kill you.” You lied through a smile.

“You’ve met her?” Jimmy asked you and you thought quickly on your feet.

“Oh yes. I know her very well.” You nodded. It wasn’t a total lie. You knew yourself pretty well.

“So you guys are friends?” Jimmy continued.

“No. I cannot stand that girl.” You laughed and Tom rolled his eyes. If he wasn’t gonna admit that his girlfriend was you, you were gonna have some fun.

“Here we go.” Tom sighed and the audience laughed.

“Why not?” Jimmy inquired.

“Because all she does is talk about herself.” You said. Tom laughed the irony and you giggled yourself.

“Well what about you? Do you have a boyfriend?” Jimmy asked.

“I do have a boyfriend but he’s the worst.” You confirmed. Tom gave you a half cracked smile.

“What?” He asked, practically daring you to go on.

“Why do you say that?” Jimmy laughed.

“He can’t keep a secret to save his life.” You shrugged. “Except the one. He’s really good at keeping one.”

Tom knew exactly what you were doing and he couldn’t even blame you. He didn’t say anything, but patted your knee and left his hand there.

“So he’s like Tom then?” Jimmy said. “Tom, you’ve become infamous in Hollywood as being loose lipped.”

“He is not loose lipped, his lips are very nice.” You defended and Tom smiled shyly. “He just gets too excited and lets things slip.”

“Like you during that one scene.” Tom spoke up. You knew what he was talking about and your face reddened.

“Stop.” You warned.

“What did she let slip?” Jimmy wondered.

“Oh My God. This story is so embarrassing.” You whined as you covered your face in your hands. Tom laughed at your discomfort and took your hand.

“We were shooting the “steamy”, as one night call it, scene in the film and she was supposed to say “Peter”, you know my characters name, in like a breathy voice.” Tom explained.

“I’d like to preface that this was an accident.” You cut in.

“So we’re shooting the scene and right in my ear she goes “Tom…I mean Peter”. But the whole thing comes out in like a moan and I thought it was the funniest thing ever.” Tom told the story.

“It was so embarrassing! The whole crew heard.” You groaned while Tom and the audience laughed at your expense.

You and Tom walked into your shared hotel room after the interview and allowed yourselves to relax. While you were setting your purse down on the bed, Tom came behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You leaned into his embrace and smiled.

“That went a lot better than I thought. If people think we’re dating other people, they’ll stop asking us if we’re together. This will totally throw them off.” Tom said and he kissed your temple. Your smile dropped as you turned around in his arms.

“Or, we could use this as an opportunity to tell them the truth about us. They know you have a girlfriend. Why not tell them that girlfriend is me?” You asked.

“Because my fans will come at you with a fiery vengeance. It’s better if they think you’re just my best friend. Trust me, darling, you don’t want them to know it’s you.” Tom tilted your chin up to look at him.

“And trust me, Tom, I do.” You said, and left his embrace.

The next day, you pretended like nothing happened for the sake of all the junkets you had to get through. You could tell Tom was sorry from the guilty looks he kept giving you, but you wouldn’t look back at him.

“What’s the best part of the press tour?” The interviewer asked.

“Getting to spend all day with my best friend.” You laud the word on thick as you wrapped your arms around Toms neck and covered his cheek in kisses. He got your point and let you do it as his way of apologizing. The interviewer laughed along, knowing the effect your actions would have on the fans.

“It’s great that you two are best friends. Is this press tour similar to the Homecoming one where you had to spend all day with Robert?” Tom was asked.

“That was a lot different. Robert has more of a godfather role in my life. I can go to him for advice, but I can’t play table tennis with him at three am in the hotel lobby like I can with Y/n.” Tom answered. You were warmed back up to him and gave him a gentle smile.

“And what’s your relationship with him like?” The interviewer asked you.

“He’s like my dad. He used to carry bandaids around just because I got hurt so much on set.” You replied.

“I remember that. He was always prepared. I went to Robert once when I was sick and he hooked me up to this crazy machine. I was super scared but it’s Robert Downey Jr., so I wasn’t gonna say no.” Tom chimed in.

“He makes Marvel lower your paycheck every time you say no to him.” You joked.

“Exactly. So I let him hook me up to it and it totally cured me. I was better in 15 minutes.” Tom continued.

“Aw. That’s so funny to think of Robert playing doctor on set. I guess your relationship with him is similar to Tony’s relationship with Peter?” The interview asked Tom.

“Definitely, definitely. Minus the fighting crime together and dying in his arms, obviously.” Tom replied.

“Mr. Junior, I don’t feel so good.” You cut in with a laugh. Tom and the interviewer stopped and looked at you.

“What?” Tom asked with a growing smile.

“I said Mr. Junior, I don’t feel so good. Like Mr. Stark I don’t feel so good.” You explained. You looked at Tom in confusion as he and the interviewer shared a look.

“What?” Tom repeated.

“Because you said your relationship was similar so I said-“ You began.

“No, I heard what you said.” Tom cut you off. “Who’s Mr. Junior?”

“Robert.” You replied, still confused why everyone was making a big deal.

“It’s Mr. Downey.” Tom said and began to laugh.

“Why would it be Mr. Downey? You wouldn’t be Mr. Stanley. It’s the last name. Mr. Junior.” You said again, feeling yourself growing frustrated.

“Yes, and his last name is Downey. My middle name is Stanley.” Tom explained.

You sat in silence for a moment, contemplating what Tom was saying.

“Did you think his last name was Junior?” Tom broke the silence.

“No?” You said as more of a question than a statement.

“Have you seriously thought Roberts last name was Junior this entire time?” The interviewer asked, also laughing at you.

“I thought Downey was his middle name!” You shrieked.

“What?!” Tom asked and burst into laughter. You felt your face redden as the crew laughed at you as well.

“I thought he was Robert Downey Junior!” You said each name separately. “I thought he just used his full name like Neil Patrick Harris.”

“No.” Tom said in exasperation. “His fathers also named Robert so he’s Robert Downey Jr.”

“But he goes by RDJ! That implies that the “J” is a part of his initials.” You exclaimed.

“I cannot believe we’re having this conversation right now.” Tom said as he wiped a happy tear from his eye.

“How did you think I feel?” You asked.

“I can’t handle this. You’re so ridiculous.” Tom choked out through his laughter. “I love you.” You restrained yourself from telling him you loved him back, knowing you couldn’t possibly make it sound platonic.

“Aw.” The interviewer gushed. “You two are such cute friends.”

“Yeah.” You gave a tight lipped smile. “Friends.”

As the press tour neared its end, your ability to keep the secret worsened.

Tom gave you a quick kiss on the lips before the cameras started rolling. The interviewer almost caught it, but you pulled away quickly before he could.

“What is that?” Tom asked as you bite into something orange sometime during the junket.

“A carrot.” You shrugged as your chewed.

“Where did you get carrots?” Tom laughed in confusion.

“The snack table outside.” You replied as you ate another one.

“There’s a snack table? Oh, that’s why you tasted like peppers.” He realized. Neither of you realized what he said but the interviewer raised an eyebrow.

“You know I can’t resist some peppy boys.” You told him. “That better be cut out.” You warned the camera.

“You say that every interview.” Tom pointed out.

“It feels warranted every interview.” You giggled. “You know I debated stealing some of the pineapple from the snack table to take home?”

“Of course you did. You and your smoothies.” Tom rolled his eyes.

“I love smoothies! Is that a crime?” You turned in your seat to ask him.

“Yes! You drink a smoothie every morning and then get hungry twenty minutes later. You guys, she does not eat enough.” Tom said to the camera.

“It’s better than you and your thirty jars of jelly in the refrigerator because someone can’t go a day without toast.” You shot back.

“Oh, do you guys live together?” The interviewer asked in surprise.

You and Tom blinked in surprise at accidentally revealing that fact.

“Uhh, yeah. We’re um…” You started.

“Roommates.” Tom said quickly. “I live in the UK but I work mainly in the States, so I live with Y/n when I’m here.”

“Roommates? How cute.” The interviewer smiled.

“Just adorable.” You mumbled.

You dropped your purse on the hotel bed that night and put you hands on your hips. Without even looking at you, Tom could sense you anger. He sheepishly looked up at you and gave you a weak grin.

“I’m sorry?” He offered.

“For what?” You demanded.

“I don’t know. You haven’t told me yet.” He said.

“Roommates? You told him we were roommates?” You asked, not bothering to mask the hurt in your voice.

“Well why else would we live together?” Tom defended his answer.

“I don’t know, maybe because we’ve been in a committed relationship for over a year.” You grumbled. Tom heard the frustration in your voice and and put a gentle hand on your arm.

“But they don’t know that, darling.” He said softly.

“But I want them too. You keep pushing back telling our fans. You said we’d tell them before the press tour.” You said, feelings tears rise to your eyes.

“Yes, but then I realized all the interviews would focus on our relationship and not the movie.” Tom reminded you. “We needed to promote the movie.”

“No one needs to promote Marvel movies! They’re Marvel movies!” You exclaimed.

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset over this, sweetheart. We agreed not to tell our fans.” Tom tried to talk you down.

“We agreed not to tell our fans right away. It’s been a year Tom. Do you not want them to know?” You sighed.

“I like my privacy, love. I don’t want the world intruding on us. I love you too much to share.” Tom cupped your face in his hands but you looked away.

“You say you love me, but tell the world I’m nothing but a best friend.” You said sadly. “Or worse, a roommate.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, angel. I’m sorry.” Tom apologized. You dropped the subject and went to bed without another word. You were cold towards Tom all the next day until your interview that night, the last of the press tour.

The media frenzy of rumors came to an end during a game of Charades on Jimmy Fallon. You were on Jimmy’s team, leaving Tom and Benedict as your opponents. You shot flirty banter back and forth all game until finally, your team won.

“Haha.” You pointed a jeering finger at Tom as you got off the couch and approaching him. He had his bottom lip between his teeth as he watched you with pure joy. “Just like the War of 1812, the British lost-“ You couldn’t finish your burn because Tom had pulled you into a kiss.

“Sorry, darling. You looked so cute up there. I couldn’t resist.” He mumbled against your lips.

“Wait, are you two together?” Jimmy asked, interrupting the moment. He was looking back and forth between you and Tom and the camera. You realized that the moment occurred on live television and suddenly felt shyer than you ever had before.

Tom looked at you, allowing you to be the one to confirm it after wanting too for so long. You looked into the camera and smirked.

“Truth is…I am dating Tom Holland.” You said in true Tony Stark fashion. The audience irrupted into applause and you couldn’t stop your smile from breaking through. Tom looked at you fondly and pulled you into a hug.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You mumbled against his chest.

“Yes I did.” He whispered into your ear. “love my privacy, but I love you more.”

Tag List 🏷

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[nashvilledreams]

My Naya, my Snixxx, my Bee. I legitimately can not imagine this world without you.

7 years ago today, she and I were together in London when we found out about Cory. We were so far away, but I was so thankful that we had each other. A week ago today we were talking about running away to Hawaii. This doesn’t make sense. And I know it probably never will.

She was so independent and strong and the idea of her not being here is something I cannot comprehend. She was the single most quick-witted person I’ve ever met, with a steel-trap memory that could recall the most forgettable conversations from a decade ago verbatim. The amount of times she would memorize all of those crazy monologues on Glee the morning of and would never ever mess up during the scene… I mean, she was clearly more talented than the rest of us. She was the most talented person I’ve ever known. There is nothing she couldn’t do and I’m furious we won’t get to see more.

I’m thankful for all the ways in which she made me a better person. She taught me how to advocate for myself and to speak up for the things and people that were important to me, always. I’m thankful for the times I grew an ab muscle from laughing so hard at something she said. I’m thankful she became like family. I’m thankful that my dad happened to have met her weeks before I did and when I got Glee, he told me to “look out for a girl named Naya because she seemed nice.” Well dad, she was nice and she became one of my favorite people ever.

If you were fortunate enough to have known her, you’ll know that her most natural talent of all was being a mother. The way that she loved her boy, it was truly Naya at her most peaceful. I’m thankful that Naya got that beautiful little boy back on that boat. I’m thankful he will have a strong family around him to protect him and tell him about his incredible mom.

I just hope more than anything that her family is given the space and time to come to terms with this. For having such tiny body, Naya had such a gigantic presence, a void that will now be felt by all of us - those of us who knew her personally and the millions of you who loved her through your TVs. I love you, Bee.

My favorite duet partner. I love you. I miss you. I don’t have words right now, just lots of feelings. Rest In Peace Angel, and know that your family will never have to worry about anything.

We started out as the closest friends and then like all new things, we went through a bit of a rocky phase. However, we stuck by each other’s side and created the most beautiful friendship built out of love and understanding. The last I had the chance to see you in person, I had left oranges outside our home for you to take. I wanted to say hi through the window but my phone didn’t ring when you called (which it never does, f*cking T-Mobile), so instead you and Josey left two succulents on our doorstep as a thank you. I planted those succulents and I look at them everyday and think of you. I still listen to your EP on repeat because from the moment I heard it, it struck me and I always wished the world knew more of your voice. You sent me over 5 dozen SnapChat videos when you and Josey woke up in the morning and I kick myself that I didn’t save one of them. You always shared recipes and I admired your love for food. We vowed to spend every Easter together, even though Covid stole this last one from us. You are and always will be the strongest and most resilient human being I know, and I vowed to carry that with me as I continue to live my life. 

You constantly taught me lessons about grief, about beauty and poise, about being strong, resilient and about not giving a fuck (but still somehow respectful). Yet, the utmost important lesson I learned most of all from you was being a consistent and loving friend. You were the first to check in, the first to ask questions, the first to listen..you cherished our friendship and I never took that for granted. 

We never took photos together because we mutually hated taking pictures...our relationship meant more than proof. I have countless pictures of our babies playing, because we shared that kind of pride and joy. So I’m showing the world a photo of our little goof balls for you, because I know that meant more than anything and they remind me of you and I. I speak to you everyday because I know you’re still with me and even though I’m feeling greedy that we don’t get more time together, I cherish every moment we had and hold it close to my heart.

There are no words and yet so many things I want to say, I don't believe I'll ever be able to articulate exactly what I feel but... Naya, you were a ⚡️ force and everyone who got to be around you knew it and felt the light and joy you exuded when you walked into a room. You shined on stage and screen and radiated with love behind closed doors. 

I was lucky enough to share so many laughs, martinis and secrets with you. I can not believe I took for granted that you'd always be here. Our friendship went in waves as life happens and we grow, so I will not look back and regret but know I love you and promise to help the legacy of your talent, humor, light and loyalty live on. 

You are so loved. You deserved the world and we will make sure Josey and your family feel that everyday. I miss you already.

She was bold. She was outrageous. She was a LOT of fun.⁣

Naya made me laugh like no one else on that set. I always said it while we were working together and I’ve maintained it ever since. Her playful, wicked sense of humor never ceased to bring a smile to my face.⁣

She played by her own rules and was in a class of her own. She had a brashness about her that I couldn’t help but be enchanted by. I also always loved her voice, and savored every chance I got to hear her sing. I think she had more talent than we would have ever been able to see.⁣

I was constantly moved by the degree to which she took care of her family, and how she looked out for her friends. She showed up for me on numerous occasions where she didn’t have to, and I was always so grateful for her friendship then, as I certainly am now.⁣

And even as I sit here, struggling to comprehend, gutted beyond description- the very thought of her cracks me up and still brings a smile to my face. That was Naya’s gift. And it's a gift that will never go away. ⁣

Rest in peace you wild, hilarious, beautiful angel.

How can you convey all your love and respect for someone in one post? How can you summarize a decade of friendship and laughter with words alone? If you were friends with Naya Rivera, you simply can’t. Her brilliance and humor were unmatched. Her beauty and talent were otherworldly. She spoke truth to power with poise and fearlessness. She could turn a bad day into a great day with a single remark. She inspired and uplifted people without even trying. Being close to her was both a badge of honor and a suit of armor. Naya was truly one of a kind, and she always will be. 💔 Sending all my love to her wonderful family and her beautiful son.

Dear Naya, 

I’m failing miserably to process this news. I always imagined old future senior moments where we would hear your infectious laughter down the hall knowing that our funny bone was in for a treat. To many people, myself included, you were the life of the party. Not only able to rock when fun was to be had after a long day but that shining friend that was always willing to listen, offer sympathy, perspective and at times, give much needed levity to any situation. 

You were a beast on the show. I admired you as I watched you nail multi page monologues that you learned moments before and pour your heart into every performance with an energy that had that snicks special written all over it. Our deep conversations about life inbetween scenes are some of my favorite moments with you. Getting to hear about your hopes and dreams for the future and with Josey’s arrival, ‘Your greatest success’ I was so happy to see your dream turn into reality. 

You deserved more. I’m so sorry but you deserved more. You gave life your all and I hope all the good that you have given to the world will be returned in abundance when you reunite with our brother in the heavenly skies. I’m so grateful for our memories. We will make sure to keep your legacy and spirit alive so Josey will grow up to know the incredible woman you were. Love you, Naya. You are already missed. Eternally. 

-HSJ

Naya and I fell into stride with such ease, she was my first friend and ally on our show. In the pilot, our characters came and went with such swiftness. Our enthusiasm brimmed with all of the unknown. We tried to grasp what the other cast members must be feeling as we were working in such separate manners. We dared to dream. What if this show worked? Wouldn’t that be something? Something was brimming, it was palpable. And thank god it worked. Naya’s magnetic talent was going to be unleashed, we just didn’t know it yet. ⁣⁣

I’ve been revisiting Naya’s performances on our show and it has brought me great joy. To work with her was a gift. There was a great deal to absorb - her work ethic, her fearlessness, her talent - supreme. Naya had a laugh that would envelop you and hold you captive. She was mesmerizing. That twinkle in her eye, her luminous smile. Naya lead with truth, humor, wit. I loved her for all of these reasons. ⁣⁣

I loved her sense of curiosity and wanderlust. I was lucky enough to be her travel partner for some of my most favorite adventures. As I write this, I’m grinning with swelling memories of a spontenaous 36 hour excursion - one might even say diversion - to Paris. With Naya, everything was possible and would often simply unfold before us, almost magically.⁣⁣

On this particular jaunt, within ten minutes of checking into our hotel, we found ourselves strolling the halls of L'École des Beaux-Arts, sipping wine from paper cups with students showcasing their latest work. It was fantastic. We were united in our commitment to discovery. And there was always a list of cleverly curated ideas in Naya’s back pocket, should we need it. ⁣⁣

I cannot make sense of this tremendous loss. I will hold onto her and these memories for the rest of time, alongside our Glee family. Please hold space for her, her family, her beautiful boy. ⁣⁣

In absolute, loving memory.

Naya The world is at such a loss and I am truly heartbroken. I still remember the day I met you. You Walked straight up to me, grabbed me by the face and drug me around until I met every single person on set, introducing me as “new booty”. You were one of the first people who made me feel like family when others saw me as an outsider. I didn’t know then that you would become my family and that’s just who you were to everyone.. A Mother, Sister, Daughter and most of all a friend. Your massive heart and bright spark is what carried our entire show, when at times we all felt like giving up. 

You always showed up for me when I needed some wisdom or was down and just needed someone to talk to. You took care of everyone around you in a way that was so warm and comforting and you sure knew how to throw a hell of a party! 

I always admired your bravery and passion to fight for what’s right even when it seemed like you were up against the world. Your spirit is contagious and you continue to make everyone you have touched a better and stronger person by knowing you. 

My favorite part of glee was getting to watch you perform and shine up close every day. You really were the pulse of that show. Anyone who was blessed enough to see and experience your raw talent knows it to be true. You’re one of the smartest and most gifted people I have ever met. There is no one like you and there never will be.

You have changed peoples lives all around the world and you continue to change mine forever. I will never forget your love and kindness. Thank you for sharing your spirit Angel.

I will miss you always. I Love you Naya

For the last 7 years the 13th of July has shattered our hearts beyond repair. There aren’t enough words to describe the pain we are feeling, we are truly heartbroken at the loss of @nayarivera .

Naya, Cory loved you so so much. He cherished your friendship more than you will ever know. From the laughs you shared, to the strength you gave him when he needed it the most. Cory truly adored you. He was in awe of your incredible talent, the way you gave everything you had to each performance; the slap in the auditorium was one of his favourite stories to share. You once said Cory was like a member of your family; you will always be a part of ours. We’ll carry you in our hearts forever. We miss you. Friends reunited for eternity.

We send all our love and strength to your beautiful boy, your family, friends and fans 💔🐻💔

[revengeisourlullaby]

If I Never Knew You Pt.5

Pt.1  Pt.2  Pt.3  Pt.4  Pt.5  Pt.6

Warnings: 18+, angst, secret relationship plot, kinda royal au, arranged marriage plot, fighting

a/n: Hope everyone is doing well. Here is the second to last part. I’m going to upload the final part right after I upload this one. Just so y’all aren’t waiting for the resolve :)

Word count: 1.7K

Loki x female!reader

Feeling the pebbles roll under your feet, you felt your legs begin to shake with anticipation and dread. The panic that you were holding off while with Loki was beginning to come back and you wanted to turn and run the other way. You knew you needed to do this and finally come clean to your parents but the idea was just so awful you wanted to run and hide away forever. 

Before you knew it you were standing out front of your childhood home feeling a bubble of unease build in your throat. Breathing deep and exhaling hard, you put your hand on the doorknob and stepped inside your home. Your family once again sitting at the dining table talking amongst one another.

There was someone you didn’t recognize sitting in what was normally your seat. You felt the energy shift around you and suddenly you felt something worse than panic settle in your gut.

“Y/N, there you are! We were so worried when you didn’t come home last night. You haven’t done that in a while. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Your mother rose from her chair, wrapping her arms around you in a tight hug. Your father looked at you with disdain on his features, obviously trying to figure out where you were in the night.

“Glad to know you’re alright, Y/N. Come sit down and meet who we think might be a perfect suitor for you.”

Your heart sank to your stomach. You felt your face get hot and your emotions were mixing with intense anger and despondency. You didn’t want to have to fake interaction with someone you knew nothing about let alone didn’t care learning about. It would be adulterous to Loki and you couldn’t bear the thought of engaging in such horror. You found your courage and finally decided to put your foot down in this situation.

“Actually, that is what I was coming to talk to you guys about. I found someone. I have for over a year now.”

“What?! Y/N that’s amazing but why haven’t you told us anything.”

Your mother’s eyes lit up in curiosity wondering why you were so private with something that was causing you such trouble. 

“I’ve been fearful of your reaction to whom it is I have found boundless love with.”

Your father’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion waiting for you to continue your declaration. Your mother on the other hand was just overjoyed that her dearest daughter had found somebody. You opened your mouth again before your mother cut you off,

“Well, what’s his name? I want to know everything about him!”

You sighed, the next words you had to speak feeling like lead on your tongue. 

“Y-you know the all-father?”

“Y/N! Are you courting Thor??”

Your father tapped your mother’s hand in discipline,

“Let her speak and you will find out. Stop interrupting her”

You sighed again, playing with your fingers out of anxiety about what you were about to say next.

“I-it’s actually his brother. Loki.”

The air became suffocating. Loki’s name always putting a sour thought in people’s minds because of his notorious behavior. You felt the excitement in the air turn to disappointment and rotted curiosity. 

“We met in one of the gardens a year ago and something about us was magnetic and drew us together. We started out with a friendship and a few months in he asked if courtship would be a viable option to further our relationship. I said yes reluctantly because I feared your responses so deeply.”

You decided to lay it out all on the table hoping that maybe it would persuade their opinion of someone that they felt so little for.

“He cares for me with such truth. I’ve never felt this with anyone before and the way that he understands me makes me feel like I have finally been found. He loves me with such ardor that I feel complete finally. All that was thought of him is something of the past. He has matured indefinitely and the feelings I have formed for him are incessant and I can’t let that go.”

Finally letting out all the extra air in your lungs you felt such a weight lifted off your chest. You still feared what their answer would be regarding their approval but they knew now. If they cared for you like they said they did they would be able to see your admiration for your current partner. And you hoped that would be enough to not have your parents strip that from you.

“Y/N...of all the people you could have chosen. That treacherous excuse for a god is where you let your feelings reside?!”

Your father’s response made you feel sick. This is exactly what you were predicting what would happen. But your mother was unusually silent. Her eyes drifted off to space on the floor and it was difficult to read what she was thinking of. Your father stood up from his chair and spoke again, his voice thick with dismay.

“Loki?! How could you let yourself stoop so low? He’s nothing but a troublemaker and you for some reason have become so weak to fall for him. Where did I go wrong wit-?”

“-Alright that’s enough, dear.”

Your mother finally spoke up and cut your father off. He looked at her incredulously and at that moment you began to feel such regret for the man that was still stuck at the table. Falling victim to the conflict between you and your parents. Your mother spoke again,

“Maybe, just maybe dear, we were wrong about him. Our daughter is not a halfwit. She has such a powerful mind and she has waited this long to find a suitor for her to make her happy. Perhaps we should give them our blessing. If she’s happy then that is all that matters. It is not our life to live.”

“No! I cannot and will not allow that dope to spoil our daughter. Let alone create a family with him. I don’t care how luxurious that tower it is you stay in with him but get your last visit in-”

“Father.-”

“This is non-negotiable. My heels have been dug-”

“Father, I may bear his child.”

The silence that fell over the room was deafening. You could hear the rise and fall of each person’s breath and it was haunting. You hadn’t yet known if this was a possibility but with the night's previous endeavors, it wasn’t a shot in the dark. It was your last-ditch effort and you were willing to do anything to keep Loki in your life.

“You what?”

Your father stepped closer to you trying to find the lie in your demeanor but it was never found. 

“Dear, please do not chastise her. What is done is done. We must give the blessing now. Child out of wedlock is not something I want to be stained on our or his family's name.”

Your mother stood up and came to your side, wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you to sit down at the table. Wrapping her hands around yours she spoke with such serene.

“My Y/N. You are like an untamed bull. Your headstrong nature will catch up to you one day but with that being said. I am more than happy that you have finally found your person. If he treats you as well as you say he does then that is all I can ask from him. I can only hope to meet him soon and that he knows he is welcome in our home. The blessing you seek is already had.”

“Says who?”

Your father chimed in

“She needs both of our blessings to go through with his eloping and as far as I am concerned. I have yet to give her the go-ahead. I am not giving away my daughter to someone who has yet to show truth and consistency in something other than mischief. I will not allow it! And that’s final!”

The tears that were once falling in joy were now falling down hot in fear. 

Why must he be like this? My happiness matters too.

Pointing to the man at the table your father spoke through gritted teeth and told him to get out. He had no business being there anymore anyway. And with the direction the conversation was going, it wouldn’t be fair to have him in the mix.  

“As for you. You aren’t to see that man again.”

“No! Dad, wait! You can’t do this. Please, he’s the only person outside of you guys who has seen me for me! Please do not take that away from me!”

Your heart was doing backflips in your chest and it felt like you couldn’t breathe. Everything that you had built up was beginning to crumble. 

“You aren’t to see him until my mind is made. I’m beyond disappointed in you and at the root of it all, I am unsure of what to think.”

“Dear if she is to be with chi-”

“I KNOW! But that doesn't mean I feel any different towards the bastard. For all I know he took advantage of her, knowing her situation and now we're stuck with the consequence.”

“Father, it’s not like that I swear!”

“Enough! You have said enough today.”

Removing your hands from your mother's, you hung your head in your hands. The tears now overflowing as you hit your breaking point. 

“Your tears will not alter my decision any faster so you can give that a rest, Y/N.”

Standing up from the chair you were overcome with anger. Your voice was meek because of all the pressure built up in your throat but you made sure to make your point delivered. 

“If you ever pretended to care about half as much as you say you do, all those snarky remarks you make would be void. You cannot control me forever. If you loved me outwardly half as much as you say you do, you would’ve listened to me, but you never did.”

Walking toward your bedroom you couldn’t bear to speak anymore or be in the environment of the main room. It was deadly and you needed to rest. Closing the door you flopped on your bed. Hot tears falling down your cheeks and absorbing into your hair that was splayed out underneath you. You moved up to the top of your bed and hugged your pillow, pretending it was someone else to provide you with comfort. You sniffled and your eyes became heavy and you drifted off to sleep. The energy completely stripped from you.

_______________________________________________________________________

Taglist: @mad4marvelloki​ @lightmelikeamatch​

[mirrorforevers]

the wrong side of the bed • damon albarn/reader

smut with feelings, i guess. sorry if is this is too long – this prompt excited me too much. i hope you guys like daft punk - though this is not a songfic, but you’ll get why - and i promise i’ll write something not involving sadness and alcohol someday. this is unbeta’ed, and english is not my first language, so have mercy

thank you so much for the music teacher prompt, anon! hope you enjoy it x also, just in case you haven’t read my graham/reader fic yet, here it is too.

tw: unprotected drunk sex

word count: 4.477

Music has been a very important escape mechanism for you recently. Your job has been hellish, and getting your degree has also been a chore - in the midst of so many deadlines and professional disappointments what has been a light for you is Damon Albarn, your newly divorced music teacher who is old enough to be your dad.

You detail these little “buts” as a mantra whenever the subject is him, whether in internal monologues or when you talk about him with your close friends. You never really believed in relationships between two people of very different ages, and you felt like you needed to remember those details whenever you could to keep that completely carefree crush from becoming something you couldn't control.

You started taking classes with him every Saturday after you were cast on your city’s production of a musical. You knew it was a very small step for a career in the industry, but it was very significant for you. You were exhausted from any activity that involved learning given how tired you were from college, but learning music with Damon was definitely something that you didn't even place in the same mental category. It was with him that you vented about how your week was, how you missed your parents who lived absurdly far away from you, it was with him that you shared the small victories of the day-to-day that were too insignificant even to share with your longtime friends. Which is funny, since this symbolic relationship was built in a matter of 2 months. Damon, in the beginning, was very reserved and “gray”, and it was amazing how in a matter of such a short time he shown himself to be someone so energetic, observant and empathetic; although a little bit of a control freak sometimes. When the wild waves of life seemed to take you everywhere at the same time and left you lost, despite so little time in your life, Damon became a constant.

And it worries you.

What are you going to do when the money to pay for his classes runs out? Certainly, although significant, what you had seemed to be was, above all, a friendship of convenience. You were very different people, with very different aspirations, and especially at very different points in life. As much as you liked each other *as friends* and considered yourselves people you wanted close by, Damon had a well-lived life to sustain. He would not have time much less willpower to listen to your complaints and insecurities in a context that did not involve an exchange relationship. At least, that's what you thought.

Saturday was also one of the two days you could wake up late, so in addition to having a rare time for your leisure, you were able to rest at least a little more than normal. That particular morning, you noticed that there were two missed calls from Maggie on your cell phone. Maggie was one of the producers of the musical. She used to bring you very decisive and very good news. If she called you, you did whatever it took to answer her right away. An unbelievable wave of anxiety takes over you. “Hello, Mags, you called?” You say, excited, but very nervous. Dealing with people who have your dreams constantly in their hands is somewhat stressful. You bite your nails.

“Hey, Y/N, yes. Um. You okay?”

“Yeah, thanks for asking. What happened?” You notice that Maggie's tone is different. The funny thing is that everyone is always so apathetic in the artistic world, and Maggie was the only person you knew so far that showed any kind emotion.

“So… you were dropped.”

Ah.

“I’m-I’m sorry?”

“You… were dropped. We made some changes here and there and you won’t be on our show anymore. If anything changes again, we’ll call. I promise.”

“Thank you. Bye.”

“Good luck, kid.”

Um.

Your stomach drops, and for a moment you feel like you've been punched. Maybe you've been wrong all along.

My God. My God. My God.

You feel like your entire world has collapsed around you. There aren't even reasons for you to keep going to class. All that effort and money spent... are now in the trash.

Artists spend a lot of time investing in themselves. You always have to become better. Faster. Learn techniques. Reinvent yourself. Stay beautiful. And you don't believe that in your first real experience in this world... that happened. Most likely a friend of the director took your place.

My God.

You swallow the tears, after all, you told everyone you knew that you knew how this world worked and you wouldn't be shaken if something like this happened. No one is watching you right now - but you still feel that you would disappoint them if you cried.

But you couldn’t smile anymore. Nothing could take away your expression of shock and uncertainty.

Not even funny posts on Reddit. Not even funny memes sent by your friends in the morning.

Nor the message from Damon confirming the class of the day.

I won't be able to go today ☹, you type, and you erase it.

Hey, I got dropped from the musical. you type, and you erase it.

How are you doing? Definitely not.

I’ll be there! 😅 You hit send.

Hope we finally figure out that bloody solo, he replies.

You do not answer.

You change your clothes, without your motivational playlist playing in the background this time. The beginning of a great plan going on in your life was no longer there. You didn't even pick up your headphones and the subway ride was completely silent, except for the ambient sound.

You arrive at school, and Damon welcomes you with the usual tight hug, and wide smile. You give a yellow smile in response, and he immediately realizes that something is out of place. “Is everything okay?” His expression quickly changes to one of concern. Your stomach drops even lower. Maybe it hit the ground by now.

“I…”

You don't want it to end. Your dream ended, but not this, too. This cannot end. “Can we try another song today? One not from the musical?” You ask, exasperated.

“Uh… I mean-”

“Please?”

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?" He laughs nervously. “But... the musical’s why you’re here. I’m confused--”

“I know, but pretty please?” You insist, cringing by now to keep from crying.

“Um. Sure – but did something happen? Tell me. I’m-I’m here to help.”

“I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Please.” You feel your voice weaken more and more. You don’t wanna cry, though your eyes are already burning. “Please, Damon.”

“Right. Okay.” He says, raising his hands in defeat. He starts collecting his material.

“What are you doing?”

“No class today. Something clearly happened and we need to talk it out.”

“I-I got sacked. But there’s no need to…”

“I got it. C’mon. I’m not a monster, I won’t charge you for talking it out. All we’ve worked for… fucking cunts.” There’s the visceral side of him. “You gotta tell me how it happened.”

“Okay.”

He only leaves your two chairs in place.

After you two sit, he starts. “This happens quite a lot in this world. And every student reacts the same.” Though this sounds a little too insensitive, you imagine it’s the truth, and his tone does the job of conveying his compassion. “Did they call you? Or did you find out through somewhere else, like Patti LuPone?”

“Huh. At least they called me. They just straight up told me I’m no longer in the cast.” You say, totally not comforted by that. But it would be even worse if you found out by other means. “I don’t know what to do now.”

“Don’t let your spirit be broken by that – you’re really talented, and I don’t like paying compliments. You know that.”

“Talent is not enough sometimes. That’s also something you’ve said to me before.”

He goes silent, and you start apologizing in the same instant.

“No, no, you didn’t hurt my feelings.” He interrupts you. “That’s true. But you’re really young, I shouldn’t have said that to you. Shit like that happens all the time. We learn a lot from it and you have your entire life ahead of you. That was… limited of me.”

“I know I’m almost getting my degree, and there’s other things for me to do… but fuck. I-- I really wanted that. You know how much.”

“I do. I also know exactly how you’re feeling now. We’re always so excited when this kind of thing happens. We plan our entire lives based on that one fragile and uncertain plan, and then boom, it’s gone. We always count on the fact that we’ll eventually have to decide between our career and something else when the choice comes, but what do we do when it doesn’t come? I know how that feels. Also--”

He grabs his guitar. You roll your eyes. “Don’t tell me you have a song for that.”

“I don’t.” he answers. “But I do have a story to tell you.”

For the next two hours, he tells you all about a very ambitious audiovisual plan that he tried to engage in his early 30s. Among countless questions and answers, Damon Albarn showed you through his history how very determined he really was. He goes into the most minute details about the ideas he had for a film and several concept albums for a virtual band that, in your opinion, sounds like something very innovative and, at the same time, incredibly palatable to the mainstream. You thought that the band he was part of when he was even younger was already very wronged because, from what you heard from the demos, they were really incredible, but the fact that such a project didn't go ahead ... just proved to you more and more that talent sometimes really wasn’t enough. Just when you thought you couldn't admire that man more.

“So, believe me when I say I know how that feels.” Goddamn. He looks at his clock, and almost jumps at how the time flied. “Bloody hell, I have another student in like, 5 minutes.”

“God, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. This is a tale very few people know about. I’m glad I shared it with you.”

“…That had potential. Don’t give up on it.”

“Don’t give up on your plans either. I really mean it when I say you’re talented as fuck.”

You couldn’t help but smile through the dried tears and puffy eyes. You say your rushed goodbyes. But before can you leave the room, he holds your arm. “Wait. I know it’s hard, but don’t spend the rest of the day thinking about it. Do you want to do something tonight?”

“Uhhh—what you have in mind?” You can’t believe your ears.

“I don’t know. Do you drink?”

“More than I should.”

“Perfect. So I know a place we can go. Any preference of hours?”

“After 7 pm, I guess?”

“Works for me. I’ll send you the address soon then.” He says. You stand still, frozen, still processing what just happened. He’s blinking as if he just told you how’s the weather outside. “Now you can go.”

“O-kay. See you in a few hours then, Damon.”

“See you in a few hours, Y/N.”

You tried to hide your excitement, in vain. You smiled like an idiot.

This was one of the scenarios of your daydreams when you were walking around, talking quietly to yourself. Damon Albarn, your newly divorced music teacher who is old enough to be your father, just asked you out. You don't care if it was pity. After such disappointment, you allow yourself to create a little more of that stupid, inconsequential hope that your life would take an exciting turn for the first time.

He sends you the address a few hours after your class/conversation, when you were starting to get ready to meet him. It was a pub that you already knew well, and had visited with some friends in the past. You choose a dress that has become your “uniform” recently, for valuing your body type well and for translating your style in a way that is both stylish and very comfortable. When you finish getting ready, you take a deep breath. There is a world of difference between what you wanted to happen and what you think will happen. But you do not care.

The tragic call you received in the morning barely crosses your mind on your way to the pub.

Upon arriving, you find Damon - always so punctual - sitting in the corner of the lounge fiddling with his cell phone while he takes a few sips of a drink that you have no idea what it is made of. You never took him for a complex drink guy. He is really full of surprises. You feel slightly self-conscious out of a sudden, stomach churning in anticipation. He raises his eyes, and his gaze meets yours. His usual welcoming smile makes all your worries go away. You couldn’t help but smile wide too.

“Hello there. A stark contrast to this morning’s Y/N.” He notes, looking you up and down after you two share a tight hug, that smile still there.

“My plan tonight is to forget everything that happened before we talked, okay? Just let me forget about the call!” You answer, playfully, trying to pretend you weren't in the least ... affected ... by the way he received you.

And the time you spend together goes as usual. It’s amazing how there’s no space for awkward silences between you two. To one thing you tell him, he brings you three more things to tell, and vice-versa. You two just… click. You make each other laugh, and even if things don’t go the way you daydream about, which is totally okay, given that he’s twice your age and you’re not sure if you can handle the implications that age difference has, you’re glad to call him a good friend. He’s amazing, and you’re having a great time with him.

By your fourth beer and his fifth fancy drink, your conversation enters a territory that hasn’t been truly explored by you two yet. His romantic past. You only knew he was divorced because he mentioned it very vaguely one day, nothing else. You didn’t know why, who was her, or when. But apparently, he was about to tell you.

“We were both really… young… and didn’t have a clue of what we were doing with our lives. She was a musician too, Justine. Not anymore.”

“Because of what happened between you two?” You ask, the beers gradually taking the indiscretion filters out of you.

“Maybe. I don’t know. She seemed tired of everything. She wanted a life I’m not sure I would be able to live. I also pressured her a lot, I tried to create a version of her that somehow fitted all my expectations and, long story short, we weren’t right for each other. But I still think she’s incredible. I still admire her a lot. Not sure how she feels about me though.”

“Are you still in love with her?”

“Oh, no. There’s a big difference in admiring someone and being in love with them, kid.”

After that sentence of his, for the first time that night, an uncomfortable silence hangs between you - Instant Crush, by Daft Punk, almost ironically, starts playing on the pub's speakers. You feel like you're in a movie.

You're still a kid, aren't you?

“Definitely.” You finally answer him, finishing 70% of the bottle in a few gulps. You become a bit more lightheaded after that, and your eyes start to struggle to focus. You try to hide how slurred your voice wants to sound. “I confess I still don’t know how to really differentiate between the two.”

“Oh yeah?” His wistful tone gives place to one of amusement. “You never told me about your exes. Feel free to.”

“This is not about them.”

He turns to you, after a one-sided staring competition with his own cup. His voice is calm, and somehow even deeper, when he asks you: “Then who is this about?”

You gulp. The cramped space you were sitting on somehow feels even smaller. And hotter. You feel drops of sweat sliding on your belly. You’re sitting by his side, not in front of him, and that interaction feels almost… primal. You two are trapped by a huge table in a corner very few people can see.

“I think I need to go to the loo.”

He lets you, and you feel his eyes following you to the restroom.

My God. My God. My God.

You take a much longer time to do everything than you really need while reflecting on the dialogue you just had. You feel the ground is starting to spin, and the desire to sleep on literally any place grow. You’re drunk. And confused. And anxious.

You spend some good minutes staring at your own face in the mirror before you return to your table. He’s still in the moment, judging by the contemplative look on his face. This is the point of no return.

This is no movie – this is a fucking RPG.

“It was full,” you justify.

“Yeah, it’s always pretty crowded in there.”

That goddamn awkward silence again. You try to talk at the same time, but he wins.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Yeah.” You clear your throat. “It’s… about a guy. He’s a…current… thing. Not from the past.”

“Right.” His tone is serious, more teacher-like than he has even acted while actually teaching you.

“I met him through an ad. I was looking for music teachers in my area and I found him. He had a fair price.” He was now smiling in disbelief, shaking his head. You’re both tipsy and you don’t care if your words are slurred anymore.

“And?”

“I have classes with him every Saturday. It’s the event of the bloody week for me. I can’t believe I’m saying that now because at first he seemed quite intimidating and not open to any meaningful interaction. Like, all frowns and monosyllabic answers and all.” You steal his drink, and he’s not even bothered. “We talk a lot, and even though we talk every day I somehow always thought he didn’t give a fuck about me when we were out of class. That he only saw me as a student, not as a friend, you know? I think about that chap every single day too. He’s handsome--like. Fuck. And he pays attention to everything I say. He’s always so nice to me, he makes me feel welcome. A part of… something.” You take a few more sips, and he gently takes the drink out of your hand, mouthing an ‘enough’. “He’s old enough to be my dad and I feel guilty for thinking of him that way. He invited me for drinks when my world fell so I could get my mind out of the shambles my life’s in and I almost died because I’m madly in love with him for a while now, but I don’t want to ruin everything. I don’t know what to do now. People shouldn’t start things thinking of how they’re going to end, but, you know?”

“They should, though. He’s indeed too old for you. And your life isn’t in shambles.”

“But…”

“Everything sounds pretty lovely in theory, but, he’s probably thinking that he’s going to slow you down in a way. You’ve got too much life to live. He’s probably really tired of everything he’s already lived.”

“But I love him. He makes me laugh! I don��t wanna have children.” You whine.

He muffles a laugh. “It’s not that-“

”Please take me home tonight.” You plead; your tone more serious now. “I know what I’m doing, I know where I am. Just please take me home.”

“Y/N…”

“Please, Damon. If you don’t feel the same then fine, call me an Uber and I’ll get over it.”

That triggers something in him, apparently, and he kisses you deeply and intensely. His hands caress your back and the whole kiss, though a little disjointed because of the state you’re both in, is full of affection and love. His lips taste of strawberry vodka, and your mind is spinning.

When your lips part, you stare at each other for a while, thousands upon thousands of thoughts per second, unsaid. “Are you sure you wanna come with me?” He asks, kissing your hand.

“Yes. I am.”

-

After he fumbles with his keys, you’re finally in his apartment – it’s surprisingly nice and tidy. Judging by how carefree he’s with his looks, you imagined that characteristic would overflow to other aspects of his life.

From the Uber drive home to his door, his hand never left yours.

He locks the door, and you stand staring intently at each other, sizing each other up like men before a fight. This time, you start the kiss, with a little less hurry than before. But the desire is still burning hot on both of you.

“Do you have any idea of what you’re doing to me?”, he murmurs, discarding his jacket while he does his best to not break the kiss. You take this as a signal to start taking off your clothes too, starting by kicking off your shoes. It has become a choreography of sorts - his hands grasp your buttocks and pulls you closer after you’re done with them, drawing a gasp from you.

“I wanted you for so long.” You reply, your hands exploring his body below the fine fabric of his shirt. You motion to take it away from him, and he lets you, completely entranced by how red your lips look from everything it went through. He guides you to his sofa, quickly adjusting it so it’s comfortable enough and serves as a bed for both of you.

He lies down first, eagerly waiting for you to stay on top of him. You finally do, and you feel like a goddess from the way he looks at your body. You take off your dress, and now you’re almost fully exposed to him. You have no bra on, and his hands immediately travel to your breasts, fingers running tantalizingly over your nipples to get them stiff and erect before he pinches them between his fingers, smiling at the whimper his actions elicit. You start bucking your hips on the rough fabric of his trousers, and you feel him harden below you. “God, you’re… something else.” he whispers, and you respond with another whimper, biting back a full on moan when your clit hits the perfect spot. You separate your legs a little further so you can feel him better, drawing a groan from him. He takes this a signal to take his jeans off, eyes not leaving your hips.

Now that a distance of an entire layer is shortened between you, the contact is even more intimate, and the bulge of his cock straining against his underwear is driving you mad. You’re aching for him. He brushes against you and your moan is higher than you expected, and you immediately cover your mouth in order not to wake up his neighbors. As he feels the wet heat of you around his painfully hard cock, he takes your hand out of your lips, grip then tightening on your hips as he pushes you down right on to him. Your moan is even louder. “Let them hear.”

“Fuck-Damon-I’m getting so close--” As if you just gave him a command, his hands now grab the flesh of your inner thighs, massaging them further and further up until he reaches the center of your arousal, and the sound you make when he pulls your panties to the side and runs his finger between your folds while still grinding against you is somewhere between a whine and a whimper. “Fuck, you’re so wet,” he says, voice rough from how excruciatingly aroused he is. “Come for me, baby.” Your clit was more exposed now, pressed more tightly against him and you whine in relief when your orgasm finally floods through your body.  

Before you could fully recover, he finally frees himself from his underwear and, with your help, effortlessly aligns himself with your (quite ready) entrance. You bury your head in his neck the moment he enters you in one swift motion and your moans are almost like cries by now - the overstimulation is driving you insane. You take his face on your hands and give him a passionate kiss while he gradually picks up a merciless pace inside of you, the more heated the kiss becomes the more shamelessly you ride his cock. “Shit,” he mutters, massaging your breasts in an almost desperate way. It’s too much - you’re almost becoming one.

You could tell by how frantically he fucked you now that he wasn’t going to last much longer. His thrusts were becoming irregular and you were so close once again. His head falls forward, buried in between your neck and shoulder - his cock twitches inside of you and his movements become staccato, his mouth curving into a beautiful ‘o’ shape as he comes inside of you. His movements stop before you could reach your second one, but the entire situation you were on was so arousing to you that just by touching yourself while still feeling him inside was enough. Not letting you alone in this, one of his hands focus on one of your nipples while the other one is below yours, providing pressure above your clit. And like that, you come undone a second time, head above his shoulders.

For a few minutes, your panting was the only thing that could be heard inside of the apartment.

“Thank you. You were amazing. ’s been quite a long time.” He notes with a tender kiss on your forehead. After a while, and with much reluctance, he slides out of you, and gets up to fetch a warm, wet cloth and carefully clean you both, finally collapsing next to you with a groan.

“It was everything I expected.” You confess, smiling.

“Did you… think about me like that when you…?”

“Of course. But let’s save this talk for another Saturday.”

[poirott]

This is the 2nd part of the "Riddle of the Spinx" interview with Death on the Nile cinematographer Haris Zambarloukos for British Cinematographer November 2020 issue (part 1 transcribed here). The full interview has now been released on the British Cinematographer website. I've included some of the text below!

In Part 2 Zambarloukos talks about shooting with the cast on location in Egypt and doing a particularly complex single shot of them on set, how they did the opening b&w sequence of young Poirot as a soldier, and built sets of Abu Simbel and the pyramids, the use of realtime footage projected on LED screens to make the studio sets look more realistic, what part of the Murder on the Orient Express set they recycled for Nile, etc.

Q: This was shot like Murder on the Orient Express at Longcross Studios with plates filmed on location in Egypt. Was it ever a possibility to shoot entirely on location?

Haris Zambarloukos: The issue is that 1934 Egypt barely exists today. For example, in the 1960s they moved the Abu Simbel temple 300 metres away so that the Aswan Dam wouldn't flood it. So, we built the entire four-storey high Abu Simbel at Longcross, complete with banks of water. The same with Giza and the Sphinx. In the 1930s the Nile went up to the feet of the Sphinx. Now all you see is the concrete expanse of Cairo.

Secondly, it's difficult to shoot complex shoots on a river while floating, taking all the cast down there and scheduling them, on top of ensuring everyone's safety on such a high-profile project.

Our whole design and research went into creating a set. We wanted to build a life-size boat inside and out; not to break it down into small sets but to shoot it as if we were on a boat. That’s a huge undertaking. Jim Clay built an amazing set to scale for the Karnak. It was so big we needed to build a temporary sound stage around it. We also wanted to use some real daylight when we got great sunlight in Longcross and use a little bit of water to basically film the boats carrying guests to the Karnak.

We recycled the railway from Orient and built the boat on that so we could wheel it in from outdoors to indoors. We built a very elaborate lighting rig that you could pull back and see the entire boat in one shot. You could step onto the boat and walk through all the rooms which were all lit for an analogue film f-stop. It was complicated and took most of our planning but I personally don't think you can tell the difference when we cut - even from a shot filmed outside in real sunlight juxtaposed with one in apparent sunlight on our sound stage. It's seamless because we took such great care and a detailed approach to our rig and construction.

In Orient you created some stylish direct overheads of the train carriage. You've told us of the Steadicam dance sequence in Nile. Were there other stylistic flourishes?

Inside the sound stage we went twice round the Karnak with the entire cast all choreographed for this one great reveal of a murder. It was really hard work to do. I understand why it was cut in the edit although they have kept a lot of other single long takes and there are lots of places where you see the whole cast in a single shot.

However difficult you might think setting up a long single is in terms of lighting and operating, it is equally, if not more difficult, to block a scene with multiple actors, keep the audience engaged and choreograph it in a way that is exciting and at the same time reveals things gradually. There's a lot of pressure on a lot of people in shots like that. Everyone's got to be on top of their game. Because we're all so interdependent, it's a domino effect in that the further you go in the take, the bigger the responsibility is for not getting it wrong whether that's the operator, focus puller, the actor saying the final line, the gaffer lighting a corner at just the right time. We always get excited about those shots but also very nervous.

You augmented the studio work with plates photographed on location in Egypt. Tell us about that.

We filmed on the Nile from a boat with a 14 8K Red camera array. We had a 360-degree bubble on top of the boat and two three-camera arrays pointing forwards and backwards as we travelled up and down. We specifically chose areas where modernity wasn’t present (or where it was, we removed it in post) and we also shot plates from the point of view of passengers onboard the Karnak.

VFX supervisor George Murphy edited the footage and stitched the plates together into an essentially very, very advanced virtual reality rig in which I could pan my camera. We did that before principal photography, so we never had to guess a month or so later what to put there. That’s a big help. Most shoots do their plate photography afterwards. It meant I could pretty much place the camera on any deck of the Karnak for any scene and know what the background would be.

As with Orient, did you play back footage realtime on LED screens outside the boat set?

I'd love to have done it live but on Orient we were only dealing with one wagon's windows at a time. It was still the biggest LED set-up ever done to that point, but the Karnak set is 20 time bigger than that. There aren't enough LED screens available – plus it would have been prohibitively expensive.

Instead, I went for a much larger version of a technique I'd used on Mamma Mia which was to hang back projection screens all around the boat – 200m in circumference, 15m high. We used Arri SkyPanels at a distance to create a sky or a part of the background. It could also be converted into a blue screen when we needed to. It meant that if I had a shot looking above the horizon line into the sky then it could be done in camera.

How confident were you of retaining colour and contrast from set to post?

I took stills on the recce and we used those to the create colours with this back projection for our skies. I take prints (not digital stills) so there is no misinterpretation. A still is a piece of paper that you can see. Once something is emailed across and seen by someone watching on another screen the information can get lost.

At the same time there were a lot more checks and balances put in place. We had a projector at Longcross and I watched dailies with (dailies colourist) Sam Spurgeon every lunchtime. With Kodak and Digital Orchard we have a very quick process to convert analogue filmmaking into digital by the next morning. Film is processed at night, they scan at 4am and by mid-morning those digital images are transferred to our dailies suite at Longcross. At lunch we’d watch it digitally projected, having been processed, scanned and graded at 2K.

I check that first and give notes to Sam and those get transferred onto our dailies which is what Ken, the editorial team, VFX and studio team sees. That's a major check. It's me with someone in a room, rather than me talking over the phone which is a big difference. I have a very good relationship with Goldcrest and (DI colourist) Rob Pizzey who also sees things along the way. I supervise the grade at the end. So, there's no need for anyone to interpret anything. It’s a collaboration in which we all look at the same images.

Did you shoot black and white for the opening scene or convert?

We shot colour for a couple of reasons. Although Kodak could manufacture BW 65, there is no lab in the world to processes it. Plus, there’s a certain skill to grading BW using colour negative and the added benefits are that that you can place a grey tone to a colour. For example, you could take red and decide it will look a very dark grey or a light grey, so you get very detailed tones. Ultimately, I get much more control in the DI this way. They were very monochromatic battlefield sets and costumes so it was quite limited in this case. The Germans wore grey and the Belgians wore dark blue and it’s a dark sooty gas-filled battlefield but you could manipulate the blue in the sky a little bit more and certainly manipulate the intensity of people’s eyes - especially if they had blue eyes (which Branagh does).

How did you handle sound sync?

To do sound sync work on Orient we used sound cameras that are twice as heavy as high-speed cameras, so I wanted to develop soundproof housing (blimp) for our camera on Nile. I took the problem to Stuart Heath at BGI Supplies at Longcross. They've made all sorts of props for us before, from Cinderella’s carriage to the furniture on Nile. I told him that I needed it really quickly. All my other attempts had failed. Stuart suggested using a material that they soundproof the interior of helicopters with. He brought a draper in who basically measured the camera as if making a dinner suit for it and quickly made a couple of versions for us. It was very effective and really opened up the Steadicam possibility for us. All from just wandering onto a workshop on the lot and asking a friend if he had any ideas about how to achieve something. In the old days that’s what everyone did – the answer was somewhere on the lot.

Finally, after six films and 14 years working with Ken Branagh, could you tell us what makes your relationship tick?

It is a fantastic friendship. To begin with you must be able to maintain a professional friendship with any cast and crew which is all about doing your very best and understanding where you have common aesthetics and shared thoughts about humanity. Ask what kind of world you want this to be, because that will come through in your filmmaking.

As you say, I've spent years working in close proximity to Ken and we have a mutual affection and admiration for each other otherwise we wouldn't be doing it for so long. He is relentless in pursuit of perfection and in his advancement of storytelling and is inspiring to work with. It means you have to be as relentless in your area of craft.

I think we both like making the same kinds of films. I'm a Greek Cypriot who grew up with Greek myth and tragedy. Ken's love of Shakespeare is legendary. You can easily see the lineage between Aeschylus (the ancient Greek creator of tragedy) that goes all the way to Shakespeare. Perhaps that appreciation for the human condition in its best and worst forms is the tie that binds.

Photo credit: Rob Youngson

Source: britishcinematographer.co.uk - February 4 2021

[twinkleimagines]

✨Let me save you✨

Summary: Tom is your best friend and he’s currently in a relationship. His relationship was extremely toxic as she was possessive and controlling, but things escalate when you find out she’s abusive as well, mentally and physically.

⚠️⭕️WARNING: abuse is a topic in this story so if that is a trigger, please don’t read! Language and sexual content included.

‘ I’m on the way’ you texted to your best friend Tom Holland. Tom had invited you to dinner to celebrate the release of his most recent movie ‘ spider man- far from home’. You were extremely excited. Ever since he got into his relationship with Sarah freeman, you were seeing him less and less. He would always tell you ,

‘ Taylor made plans’ or ‘ Taylor doesn’t feel good’. His excuses to ditch you always involved Taylor. She didn’t want to share him even though you both had been friends way longer than their relationship. To say the least , you hated her. With a boiling passion. She was stuck up, spoiled and snobby. Anything she wanted, Tom had to jump up and get it or she would pitch a fit. You hated for him. You honestly didn’t understand why he stayed.

But for tonight, you were going to be as nice as you could to her so you didn’t jeopardize your chances of seeing him. You grinned as you looked at yourself in the mirror, admiring the dress Tom had gotten for you last year. It was for your birthday, 9 days before he made it official between him and Taylor. It was right around the chest, making your breast stand out, but flowed out some towards the bottom, stopping just above the knees. It fit your frame so well.

**

You had finally made it to Toms dinner, his brothers and his parents there as well. You are more than upset though because you never could get one time alone with Tom to ask him how he was doing because she was always standing right by him. almost threw out the whole dinner she made it all about herself, not once did you hear her complement Tom on his new job she would just keep speaking about what she was doing for herself or what Tom bought her.  you could see that he was just happy to have everyone there because he was so locked up all the time because of her. She didn’t want him around anyone without her self.

“ when are you going to come over Tom ?” Asked looking over at him. “you’ve got to see the theater room I created” you beamed excitedly. It wasn’t much, it was just a projector in an empty room with bean bag chairs and blankets laid out. You even had a closet full of DVD’s and snacks.

“ oh you finally did it? “ he replied. You had always told him you were jealous of his built in theater at his home and that when you found you something bigger, you were going to get your own too. He had knew you had moved but he has yet to step inside your home. Of course because of Taylor.

“ yeah!” You beamed. “ you’ll love it!”.

You could feel the glare from Taylor though, at this point you had come to the conclusion she didn’t like the thought of any other woman being in Toms life, which was extremely possessive.

“ yeah I’d love that” he exclaimed with a sincere smile. Moments later Taylor set her fork down aggressively before standing up.

“ thank you all for coming to celebrate Tom, but I must go wash up” she said brushing the crumbs off the bottom of her dress. “ goodnight” she said before sticking her nose in the air, walking back towards their shared bedroom. You scoffed shaking your head.

What a fucking bitch.

The rest of Toms’ family got the hint and started to say their goodbyes but you weren’t going to let her win like that.

“ here I’ll help you out dishes up “ you said grabbing your dishes. He nodded before helping you pick them off the table. As you were scraping the eff overs into the trash, you heard Taylor calling out Toms name from the bed room.

“ I’ll be right back” he said before walking towards his room. You sighed heavily, sadness coming over you. It wasn’t fair for your best friend to be dealing with such a horrible person. She was so selfish she couldn’t even let him enjoy a mean with his own family.

“Hey y/n” Tom said walking up next to you.

“ hmm” you said not looking up from the plate you were washing.

“ you gotta go” he said softly. You knew what happened. She complained and whined until she got her way.

“ what do you mean Tom” you asked, even though you already knew the answer. You looked over at him and could see that he wanted to cry he was so upset.

“ please don’t be mad at me” he pleaded, he reminded you of an innocent puppy who’s owner treated him like shit. “ she just doesn’t feel comfortable with us being alone together any. “ he explained. “ she doesn’t know what either of our intentions are” you scoffed rolling your eyes.

“ Tom are you fucking kidding me?” Yoh snapped. You weren’t even being quiet anymore. You wanted her to hear you at this point. “ this is bullshit she can’t tell you who you can and can’t hang out with “ you said. You were fuming at this point. How dare she.

“Y/n I know I know I just-“

“ no Tom! Man up!” At this point his head was lowered , too humiliated to even look at you. You really weren’t mad at him. You were pissed at her. The disappointment in him for allowing someone to treat him like that was radiating off of you by now though. You knew he deserved better and so did he. “ this is not the Tom I know” you said, your voice lowering with each word. At this point you didn’t want to say anything else that might hurt him out of anger so you walked back into the dining room grabbing your stuff before heading out the door without even saying a goodbye.

You sat in your car for a moment contemplating on whether or not you should go back inside and apologize to Tom for the way you acted. He honestly didn’t deserve you snapping on him like that but your anger was towards her not him.  but before you could even make your mind up, you heard yelling and even glass breaking inside.

“ oh my God” you said before jumping back out of the car, running towards the door. You started knocking really really hard, praying you got someone’s attention before things got worse. Everything went quiet for a second before the front door swung open. It was Taylor. She noticed it was you and push the door back to almost being closed to where you could only see her.

“ What do you want Y/N “ she spat out.

“ I thought I heard- never mind where is Tom?” You asked crossing your arms.

“ he’s unavailable Y/n I really think you should leave” she stated. She still hadn’t opened the door up, as if she was hiding something. “ and if we are being honest here, I really don’t think yours and Tom’s friendship is appropriate anymore”

Bitch what?

“ well with all due respect Taylor I don’t care what you think right now I want to know where Tom is” you snapped back . Seconds later you heard someone sniffle, as if they were crying. You quickly pushed open to door to see Tom in the living room on the couch. “TOM” you yelled, making him look up. You couldn’t believe your eyes. He had tears in his eyes with a wet wash cloth up ahi sat his nose, blood lover the wash cloth.

“ what the FUCK did you do to him!?” You yelled, pushing Taylor back with both hands against her chest.

“ y/n Stop!” Tom yelled but before you had even realized what you were doing , your hands were clenched in fists, swinging at Taylor. You were fuming, adrenaline pumping through your body as you kept swinging at her. She tried to fight you off by kicking your leg at you and pushing at your arms but to no avail.

“ y/n stop please!l Tom yelled while wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you in the air off of Taylor.

“ you can fucking have him” she cried out while getting up, wiping the blood up off her nose . “ you’re fucking psycho!” She yelled at you before grabbing her purse and keys, running outside.

“ are you okay?” He asked brushing your face out of your hair while you tried catching your breath.

“ she didn’t even touch me Tom” you said looking back at him, dried up blood on the edge of his nostrils. “ are you okay?” You asked putting your hands around his face.

“ I -I don’t know what happened y/n” he said reminiscing back to their argument. “ she was just so mad and jealous and I told her I couldn’t do it anymore, that she couldn’t keep pushing everyone and way and she just snapped” he said running his fingers through his hair stressfully. “ I told her to calm down and she started shoving stuff off of the night stands. I mean she broke my lamp that my dad got me. and when I grabbed her arm to get her to stop she just .. she hit me” he said sitting down on the couch. He lowered his head down into his hands, his breath trembling as he tried to hold back the tears.

“ this is not your fault Tom. She was possessive and toxic as shit and I am so so sorry” you said hugging him from the side. You both cried together for a few moments in silence . He didn’t deserve a lick of this .

“ what if she calls the police, or-or tells the press” he stated frantically. You could tell he was panicking but you just grabbed his face making him look at you.

“ Tom look at me , it’s two against one. She hit you! You never touched her. Anyone and everyone who knows you knows you’d never lay a finger on her or anyone at that matter” you stated , rubbing your thumb against your cheek. “ I love you so much” your voice started trembling as you wanted to cry. “ I will never ever let another woman hurt you like that again Tom. I should’ve intervened back when she started showing signs “ you said shaking yourself .

“ this isn’t your fault Y/N it’s my fault for staying” he exclaimed trying to take the blame off of yourself.

“ no” you said sternly. “ this is all on her okay . Tom she’s a horrible person” . You quickly wrapped your hands around him, holding tight onto him.

“ I don’t ever want to lose you” he said softly, slowly pulling his head away from yours. “ you’re so perfect” he said staring at your lips. Before you could even think you leaned in , pressing your lips against his.

“ I-I’m sorry” you stuttered as you pulled away. He shook his head before leaning back in kissing you again. This time it was more heated than before. Your hands found there way through his hair, tugging slightly while your tongues moved along each others.

“ owe” Tom said breaking the make out session.

“ oh I’m sorry” you exclaimed , realizing you were bumping into his nose. “ cmon we’ll clean that up”.

he followed you into his bedroom towards his bathroom where you both had to step over the knocked over items and broken glass from the lamp.

“ sit” you demanded pointing towards the counter. Tom propped himself up against it while you used a wet wash cloth wiping away the dry blood from his nose. While you focused on cleaning him, you felt his hand trailing up the sides of your thigh, moving closer and closer towards your throbbing area. You felt shivers run through your body as his fingers glided so easily up your body.

“ Tom” you whispered, leaning your forehead against his.

“I want you” he whispered back, his hand now placed firmly against your heat. You gasped loudlyas you felt him rub upwards against you, causing friction that you didn’t realized you craved so much. “ please” he said before cocking his head to the side, his lips connecting with yours once again. You quickly tossed down the wash cloth before grabbing the sides of Toms face, while his moved to the back of your thighs. He quickly switched places with you propping you up against the countertop this time, his tooth brush and cologne falling off the the side. You only broke your kiss for a second while he pulled his shirt off over his head , only to connect lips again. You reached behind your back unzipping your dress as Tom kissed down your neck to your collar bones , sucking on the skin slightly.

“ Tom” you said in between kisses.

“Yeah”

“ your pants” you suggested while tugging at the top of his jeans .

“ oh “ he said scooting back before sliding down his pants and briefs. Your eyes wired as his thick long cock bounced back up against his stomach. Your eyes roaming his whole now naked figure in front of you. He had the body of a literal God. “ lift your hips” he said while tugging against yours . You giggled as he almost pulled you off of the counter trying to pull your dress and panties down your legs.

“ condom?” You questioned, looking around. He nodding before opening the bottom cabinet door, pulling a box of condoms out.

“ you ready?l he asked, lifting your legs up over his arms. You nodded quickly looking him in the eyes. You both moaned out loudly as he he slid himself in you only to pull himself back out. You leaned your back against the mirror as Tom went in and out of you at a rapid pace, your breast bouncing with each thrust. The bathroom echoed with moans and the sounds of your skin slapping together, the mirror steaming up from your hot breaths. You reached down, your hand on his abs as the muscles flexed with each thrust.

“ god Tom” you screamed out as one of his hands found their way to your clit, rubbing fast in circular motions. You could feel yourself getting close so you wrapped your legs around Toms waste, pulling him deeper. Watching you climax sent Tom over, his moan becoming deep and long. You both road out your orgasms before Tom pulled o if, tossing the filled condom in the trash.

“ wow” you beamed sliding off of the counter.

“ why didn’t we do that sooner?” He asked while getting himself dressed. You shrugged sliding your panties but up.

“ cause I wasn’t beating any of your girlfriends ass “ you joked looking back up.

“ well maybe there won’t be anymore girls “ he said making the conversation go from casual to serious. You furrowed your eyebrows together, cocking your head to the side in confusion. “ y/n you’ve been there for me through everything . “ he exclaimed . “ literally. You know me the best , you’re beautiful, smart .. you’re just perfect” he said grabbing your hands. “ I’ve realized no one can make me as happy as you do” he said pulling you close . You thought about it . All your past relationships never worked out either, you were never fully happy with them , especially not as happy as you were with Tom.

“ so what are you suggesting ? “ you said grinning.

“ be mine” he said. “ not just my best friend “

You thought for a moment, pretending to hesitate on the question , laughing when you realized he was becoming worried.

“ of course Tom”

******

Let me know if you guys want an opposite version of this, where you’re in the toxic relationship and he’s the best friend. 💖