#our pretty lil gay detective

[buckingham-ashtray]

Sherlock Holmes, BBC Sherlock (x)

[madraleen]

Bungo Stray Dogs - Kafka Asagiri/Sango Harukawa Vol. 18-19: Basically just praise for Harukawa-sensei in commentary format. (*anime spoilers and manga spoilers up to ch.114.5)

-BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS SIGMA ON THE COVER I LUFF HIM

-dazai, sigma, fyodor, why so pretty, guys?

-wait no, dazai can't have it right. sigma can't have learned of the Page from taneda since sigma WAS created with the page.

-fyodor looks so dreamy tho. if villain, why so pretty, man?

-fellas, is it gay to instantly create a code only you and your situationship can converse in, asking for dazai and fyod- errrr, asking for a friend. i kid, i kid, i don't ship them.

-CUT SIGMA SOME SLACK, TERUKO, HE'S ONLY THREE YEARS OLD :"(

-fyodor. my man. calm down with the pretty, you're distracting me

-always happy to see dazai unprepared for what he learns

-A PERSON WAS CREATED FROM NOTHING! BOOK-SAN'S CONSISTENCY MY ASS

-wait, "a piece of writing in the book" created sigma? so fukuchi or someone has access to the actual book, regardless of this one page? you speak in riddles, asagiri-sensei

-"can he even be called human?" dazai said, and immediately felt a connection to poor sigma

-SIGMA BABE, COME TO THE AGENCY (once we reinstate it)! WE WON'T HURT YOU! YOU CAN TRUST US! YES, THAT MEANIE DAZAI TOO, YOU CAN TRUST HIM!

-PROTECT SIGMA!

-i do like lucy

-gosh, it's all drawn so beautifully

-ooh nathaniel is still inside anne's room? oh cool, we'll see mitchell soon then. "soon." in the next... few... years...

-ango needs a long long vacation

-princess fyodor is so goddamn pretty. "i just sat here and prayed and those prayers were answered" - if this is a hint on how he communicates with the outside

-ah man. no one draws them like harukawa-sensei

-the way teruko slaps her knee when she laughs omg, what a cute detail. DAZAI DOES IT TOO, SO CUTE

-gosh i love tachihara. i say that about everyone, but have you met this cast

-every single character design is a gem, i can't

-SIGMA LIKES COOKIES, MY HEART

-THE CONTINUOUS DOUBLE PANEL OF JOUNO HALF-LIGHTER AND HALF-DARKER

-lmfao imaginary dazai is wearing his usual clothes in atsushi's vision and i was like "OMG YES HE DOESN'T LIVE IN THE WHITE FIT, I FORGORRR"

-the panel where gogol tells sigma they're going to kill dostoy and he holds his hat over sigma's head, chef's kiss, perfection, a masterpiece

-MUSHITAROU IS WITH POE OMG. POE IS AN HONORARY AGENCY MEMBER AT THIS POINT

-"why do people write? because inside that story you can see those you want to any time."

-ahaha the irony of ango disliking betrayal

-RANPO-SAN, YOUR CUTE LIL FACE, i missed you

-i love so much this line of thinking, that ranpo's saying 'no, i'm not asking you to believe we're pure and righteous, i'm asking you - wouldn't it be stupid if a master detective got caught like that?"

-ah man, yes, i've missed ranpo's lil face

-SOME OF THE AGENCY REUNITING, MY HEART <333. ATSUSHI LEAPING TO HUG KUNIKIDA, MY HEART! I MISS THEM! I MISS THEM ALL TOGETHER, I MISS THEM

-ranpo, i'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you only need "kenji and tanizaki" to be an agency again because technically dazai is with you since you're in contact with him. i will overlook the fact that he's not in any of all y'all's thoughts and i will not insult you by calling you a child of your own preposterous father figure and the lack of dazai in his thoughts. i will do that for you. this once. (i mean, technically they don't mention fukuzawa either, nor is he present in anne's room)

-the fukuchi panels hit differently with 20/20 hindsight.

-"fukuzawa's golden child" yes, fukuchi, that's our ranpo-san

-watching ranpo deduct who kamui is in real time with 20/20 hindsight is like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

-THE PANEL COMPOSITION, THE COLORING, I LOVE IT. YOU HEAR THE PANELS EVEN WHEN NO ONE IS SPEAKING, i can't describe it otherwise, you just HEAR the panels.

-i was about to scream at atsushi so hard for not including dazai in his agency image, but it's fine it's fine, dazai gets his own panel as he deserves. good boy atsushi. i always knew i loved you for a reason. wait. is that a good thing or a bad thing foreshadowing-wise? ...no no, i'll go with "good boy, atsushi, you know dazai deserves a panel of his own 'cause he's that special in general, and that special specifically for you."

-WILL atsushi's head grow back if you cut it off? uh... i don't want to find out, it's... let's not.

-atsushi: "i'm scared that i am alone." aku-kun: "you called?"

-AKU-KUN, MY LOVE! look at him, no one draws 'em like harukawa-sensei.

-LMFAO, "why do i look so flashy!?" SIGMA ARE YOU SERIOUS

-YOUR TWO-TONE HAIR IS NOT WEIRD, YOU'RE PERFECT

-SIGMA THE BAND FRONTMAN

-A FYODOR-NIKOLAI-SIGMA BAND

[wlw-in-space]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*here’s another Rosa Diaz x R for you guys :))

prompt:

“If I was your girlfriend.”

                 “What’s that supposed to mean?”

this one’s a little longer than usual but i had so so much fun writing it like ahhh i got a bit carried away with the plot 

warning: a lil bit of cursing

word count: 1,933

Rosa eagerly tapped her foot on the floor of the elevator as she waited for it to reach the floor of the bullpen. She’d gone off to follow a dumb lead and was annoyed about wasting time.

She was glad to see you sitting at your desk next to hers though, not that she would admit it. Your last few days working had been spent following a bunch of leads that had you out of the precinct.

Rosa knew there was something wrong. Recently you hadn’t been acting like your cheerful self. As annoying as Rosa claimed it was, she missed your daily personal missions to make her laugh or smile. She found herself being glad that the two of you were partners (in the field and at your desks).

She chewed the inside of her lip and glanced up at you for a few seconds from her desk before going to the kitchen, where Amy was making a coffee, “What’s going on with Y/n?”

“What?” Amy furrowed her brow, not expecting the sudden question.

“You know, you guys are best friends or whatever. Is she okay and all?” Rosa asked quickly, trying to get the question out as fast as she could.

Amy gave her smug look before speaking, “Uh, okay, well,” she lowered her voice a bit. “she’s been pretty upset lately.”

Rosa frowned a little, “Why?”

“I honestly think that’s something you should ask her, she’s kinda sensitive about it and I know you don't like feelings or whatever but it might make her feel better, and it gives you an excuse to talk to her,” Amy said before picking up her coffee and making her way over to her desk.

Rosa rolled her eyes and sighed to herself and decided to make herself a coffee while she was in the kitchen. She was kinda worried about you, which was super weird because that was really out of character for her, but maybe it wasn’t. 

The way Rosa handled relationships worked just fine for her. She didn’t usually get crushes, she would just think someone was hot and once she decided she wouldn’t mind dating them she’d ask them out on a date to see if she wants to make it long term, and if they say no, she doesn’t get attached.

That being said, every once in a while there’d be a crush that would creep up on her before she could swallow her feelings and make a move, and she’d never experienced a crush as strong as the one she had for you.

Once she found out you liked girls it felt like she’d won the lottery. The detectives were at the getaway and you came up to her, completely hammered, and confessed that you were gay. Right after doing that you hugged Rosa and asked her out, but she obviously wasn’t going to take advantage of your drunken state, so she just laughed and said to ask her once you were sober, before offering to help you to your room.

That was almost a year and a half ago, and three months after that you got a girlfriend, so Rosa was certain you’d gotten over your little crush on her a long time ago.

So no, being worried about you wasn’t as out of character as it should have been. She knew she was going to have to talk to you, but she simply just didn't do well with feelings, and deciding to help you (or attempt to make a conversation about it) with something you were sensitive about would definitely involve feelings. Then again, maybe she wouldn't mind having feelings if it would help you. Rosa missed your bubbly and upbeat personality that always managed to make her day.

Rosa turned away from the kitchen, coffee in hand, and sat down at her desk. She tapped her fingers on the desk anxiously, which was annoying that she was letting this get to her.

After a few minutes had passed, a lot of people had entered the bullpen because something going on involving Jake and you were getting really irritated. You groaned quietly and picked up the case file you were working on before moving to the break room and closing the door.

Rosa resisted the urge to bang her head on the desk and got up to walk to the break room so she could talk to you.

You flitted your eyes up when the door opened, but you didn't have a reaction when Rosa walked in. You were just expecting her to grab a snack and leave.

She caught you by surprise when she pulled out a chair and sat beside you. Your forehead crinkled and you looked up at her with a questioning gaze, “Did I forget to give you paperwork for something?”

“What? No,” Rosa shook her head, realizing that her silence was probably confusing. “I wanted to talk to you, if that’s fine.”

Your expression softened and you nodded, “Yeah sure, what do you need?”

“I guess I wanted to know if you’re okay? I know feelings really aren’t my thing or whatever but it seems like you’ve been really upset lately.”

“Oh,” You took a breath and looked down at your work before offering a thankful smile. “Yeah, I’ve had some stuff happening that’s sucky I guess, but it’s not the end of the world, I’ll get over it.”

“If you wanted to tell me what’s going on that’s fine,” Rosa shrugged.

“Hmm, wow, Rosa Diaz is actually interested,” You teased.

Rosa rolled her eyes, “Shut up, I’m being nice to you.”

“Yes, I’ll tell you what’s going on, just not now.”

“Shaw’s tonight two hours after our shift?” Rosa suggested.

You nodded, smiling a little, “Sounds good.”

“I’ll pick you up at 8.”

                          ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* fun transition ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You finished up your paperwork a little early so you talked to Gina for a while in the break room. Once you had a few minutes before your shift was done, you returned to your desk to pack up your things and saw that Rosa was doing the same.

The two of you got in the elevator together, you could tell Rosa had waited for you, and walked together to the parking lot.

You got in your car and waved goodbye to Rosa when you got in and she gave you a little smile from her bike before putting on her helmet and driving off.

It didn’t take you long to get ready, you just put on a red dress (that wasn’t fancy since you were just going to Shaw’s).��The least you could do was look good, since you knew Rosa always looked her best wether she was trying or not.

She arrived soon enough and knocked on the door to your apartment, so you grabbed your small purse and opened the door, “Hi,” you smiled.

“Hey, you look really good, uh you ready to go?” Rosa took a breath as her eyes flickered down for a moment.

“Yep, let’s go,” You nodded, and stepped out, closing and locking the door behind you and chuckling when you saw Rosa’s motorcycle.

The drive was short, you didn't live that far away from Shaw’s, so she parked her motorcycle and lead the way inside.

“What are you ladies having?” The bartender for the night asked.

“I’ll take a whiskey,” Rosa looked over to you.

“Two shots of vodka, please,” You smiled softly.

Rosa raised a brown when you downed both of them, one after the other, when the bartender returned with your drinks.

“What?” You asked.

“Nothing, you just usually don't have anything this strong when we come with the precinct,” Rosa shrugged.

“Usually,” You emphasized. “I still drink every once in a while.”

“Yeah,” Rosa nodded and cracked her knuckles out of habit, “You ready to tell me what's bothering you?”

“I guess,” You sighed. “You remember my girlfriend, the blonde one?”

“Mhm, what about her?”

“We broke up in the beginning of last month. She kept getting really jealous when I’d tell her things from work about you or Amy or Gina, especially you though, because we’re partners and stuff, and I kept telling her that she didn’t have anything to worry about but she’d never let it go. I wanted it to work out, but I just couldn’t put up with it anymore and eventually I fell out of love with her, so I told her and she reacted pretty badly and kicked me out of our apartment so I’ve been living in Gina’s,” You sighed and looked up at Rosa before deciding you needed another shot and getting the bartender’s attention.

“That’s terrible, Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?” Rosa asked, feeling a little weird about how both Amy and Gina knew and it didn’t seem like you had planned on telling her any time soon, maybe you weren't as fond of Rosa as she had thought.

“I dunno, I know you don't like feelings so I felt like you’d want to be left out of this weird thing that’s going on,” You shrugged. “I’m sorry.” “No, you’re fine, I get it,” Rosa took a drink. “If I was your girlfriend I-”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked with a smirk.

Rosa had a sly smile, “Don’t you remember on the getaway when you were hammered and you kept asking me out and I told you to do it when you were sober? If you would’ve, maybe we wouldn’t still be sitting here,” She finished saying before chuckling, playing it off as a joke.

Your smirk dropped and you rolled your eyes, “Not funny Rosa, that was so embarrassing.”

“What? I was pretty hurt when I realized only drunk Y/N wanted to date me,” Rosa teased.

“Not like you would’ve agreed to date me anyway,” You huffed.

“Seriously? Are you really that oblivious? You're like, the only person at the precinct who I like being around, which is gross to say, but it’s true. I’ve practically been drooling over you this whole time,” Rosa admitted.

“Wait really? Would you have dated me if I had asked you seriously?”

“Obviously,” Rosa took another drink.

“God, I’m such an idiot,” You groaned.

“A little bit,” She shrugged.

You shook your head and looked over at her before sighing, “I’m sorry.” “You didn’t do anything wrong, if I wouldn’t have been a pussy maybe we’d be dating, that isn't on you,” Rosa offered a lazy smile. “I shouldn’t have brought this up.”

You stayed silent for a moment, having a question you were itching to ask, but you knew it was risky, “If I asked you out now would you say yes?” You asked, chewing on the inside of your lip.

“Depends on if you’re actually asking, this isn’t -”

“I am, I want you to be my girlfriend, Rosa. I know it seemed like that was a one night thing but I promise you it wasn’t, you can literally ask Gina, she’ll be more than willing to tell you, she almost told you completely unprompted multiple times this week because she caught me staring at you for like, five minutes and she made me admit that I like you when we got to her apartment.”

Rosa sighed softly when she saw the genuine expression on your face, “I’d really like to be your girlfriend.”

“Really?” You smiled, “If you don’t want to you don't have to like, I totally-”

“Shut up, Y/N, we’re dating, don’t ruin it,” She laughed and leaned forward, kissing you, something she’d been waiting to do for what felt like ages.

[lady-literature]

my chaotic ass thoughts on Millionaire Detective Ep 4

enjoy :)

(also spoilers. Obviously)

oh no what happened? he mad???

still adore the opening credits, god they’re just so pretty??

also, when we gonna see the modern crimes division again? i want to know more about them

He’s not in a suit!!! is this the most under dressed we’ve ever seen him?

Oh? what does Haru need?

Daisuke really just be soooo put out by the fact he isn’t driving in style huh? this man

Also Haru??? In a letterman jacket?? yes please!

impatient baby

 this is the second time he’s told Haru to get on with it

is this it? is this the episode Daisuke and Haru adopt a child??

Daisuke magical girl confirmed???

No HEUSC?? uh oh

does this mean Daisuke doesn’t have access to his money?

oh god...

Is Daisuke,,,, broke???

okay first of all?? I love this kid holy fuck like,,, me too bitch? I live you you manipulative fuck

they really be getting hustled by a fourth grader

Haru straight up dragged Daisuke into this mess without a damn thought huh? he was like, ‘if i must suffer so will you’

also is it just me, or is there height difference less noticeable in this episode?

“You’re dog is mocking you” Daisuke have you ever been near a dog?

Haru: hey, stop lying to children

Daisuke: that ain’t my problem

Bruh, Daisuke was really about to hit a child for calling him old and lazy huh?

Kid: what? you tired?

Daisuke: *the arthur meme**

“i don’t have money.” *stunned silence from Haru*

then immediately after: okay here’s some money for a train so you can get home

Haru is just??? such a good person?? literally lent the richest person in the world some money like it was nothing

Hi I love Suzue

Oh my god, she made his shoes taller??? this man is so goddamn short and I thrive

Also, I repeat, I love Suzue

she’s so worried?? and literally hacked a store sign??

she’s so smart and so dumb and I STAN

also Nana Kambe is great too

(she is def subtly setting up our boys aint she?)

Daisuke @ natto: >:(

Daisuke, not everyone has servants like you.

*Gretchen Wieners voice* Oh my god, Daisuke, you can’t just ask people why they go grocery shopping for themselves.

“What about your wife?”

Daisuke, a distinguished gay: “My fucking what now?”

also, good to know we weren’t the only ones confused about Suzue

also Haru seems very happy about Suzue being a relative

and ayyyy,,,, you know what that means boys!!

(shipping shipping shipping)

Daisuke: damn bitch, you live like this?

Daisuke: okay but like really. say sike rn

Haru have you looked at that man?? there is no way in hell he has ever seen, let alone chopped, a potato. Are you high?

home boy gonna cut his finger off

(This scene instantly reminded me of that one from Princess and the Frog where Tiana has Naveen cut a mushroom. the similarities are... so high. AU anyone?)

WHAT I FUCKIN SAY??

his lil tongue just-

ahhhhhhhh DAISUKE IN A HOODIE?????? AND HIS HAIR IS DOWN?????????

DED

(also is that a steven universe reference?)

this is so domestic I can’t- wtf??

so continues the adventures of Daisuke trying ~commoners food~

these bitches DRUNK

Haru be like: “this fucker insults my food, i’ll show him! he’s gonna like this if I have anything to say about it”

why am I not surprised by Haru’s love for cheesy detective shows

hi i love drunk!daisuke. he is a treasure

i still love suzue

idk why but HEUSC saying Balance: Limited had me cackling

why the hell is he in the tub??

it’s not filled, but now all I can think is “I’m washin me and my clothes”

goodbye commoner!daisuke *sniff* you will be missed

rip Haru’s letterman jacket

AWWW! Daisuke found the dog!

oh wait. no he didn’t. oop

bruh that’s sad

Character Development TM. just last episode, daisuke wouldn’t ride the train and now he’s asking for train fare? 

look how fuckin smug this bitch is at the fact he can ‘cook’

and god. i’ve said it so much but I love Suzue so much. i adore her

55,616?? dude that is such a jump from every episode before that

also like,,,, do they ever explain why he was upset? was he really just pissed about the natto? this baby

And like, now that I’m thinking about it, and I’ve watched the episode twice, I’m worried there’s something wrong with Daisuke? Like, his eyes are red rimmed--sometimes very noticeably--and Suzue was ‘just thinking of his health’ with the natto thing. and, really, it does seem a bit out of left field for him to suddenly want to be a police officer.

is he sick? what’s wrong with him?

food for thought, ig

[taco-night-frenzy]

June Journal

It’s time for me to just RAMBLE away again! Good luck!

Gender Time

I had some trans cake today that I found from the grocery store. It was with rainbow cake and they’re labeled “carnival cake” and not pride I guess, which is kind of annoying, but I KNOW the area I live in has a lot of pockets of old white republican people, so I’m SURE they would have complained.

Speaking of, been feeling off and on about being a trans girl. Today’s a bit of an off day. I want to be a girl but I don’t want to do any of the work to ‘pass’ really. I think I’m not too bad at least, but again, I’ve been seeing these republican/trump people around where I live and just... it makes me uncomfortable. 

I don’t even want to post a picture of it, but today we had a truck parked in front of our home covered in all the most stupid bumper stickers like “I’m TRYIN’ to drive this way to PISS you off” and like Fox News stickers and all that typical stuff you see from those people, and I just thought like... These are the type of people that might hassle me. I can’t deal with that. I don’t want these kinds of people here, where I have to worry about what I look like in my own home.

Speaking of my area... here’s a couple of the kind of masks my gf @likes-words-and-shrimp and I like to wear

Masks are coming off

California got rid of our mask mandate everywhere here a little less than a week ago, and EVERYONE is taking them off everywhere and SO quickly. It’s really frustrating. I really like wearing a mask outside. They make me feel comfortable, they hide the hair on my face, some masculine parts of my face, etc. I’m already starting to feel like the odd-one out for wearing a mask and like... they just make me feel comfortable in my gender. I hope I’ll be able to keep wearing them without feeling judged.

Oh yeah it was my birthday

Some stuff I got from girlfriend again. I might have showed it earlier but who cares??

I had Fish Grill which is like my favorite. I just eat Alaskan Salmon and rice and beans and I feel like I could eat it for my whole life.

I’m 31 now and it doesn’t feel like much is different except my back hurts more often...

Had to call my family for it of course, which was stressful. I didn’t call them till like a week later even though they called me on the day. I just didn’t want to talk to them. They don’t know I’m trans and I don’t know if I’ll ever tell them or want to deal with it. When I finally did call, it was... all right. Nothing too bad. They misgender me which sucks, but I’ve never told them, so its not exactly their fault (yet)

my mom complained about people my age as per usual at some point. Like millennials have any money or power to do anything. After the call was over, I felt just off and weird and judged throughout the day and it reminded me why I don’t like calling my family.

PILLS here!

Right, last time I talked about anti-depressants. I got new ones recently and they make me feel a decent bit better. I’ve been taking half a dosage which was OK’d by my psychiatrist if I didn’t like how full made me feel. I think a full dosage actually DOES make me feel emotionally better and less stressed all around!

BUT! I think it also makes my back hurt? Just constant back pain?? I don’t know if this is true or not, it feels like I’m making this up, but when I go back to taking just half a pill again, it seems like my back doesn’t hurt as much?? And half a pill still has good effects on me overall and makes me a lot less anxious I think.

CREATIVE time??

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this a million times, but I’m STILL working on Hotel Wario (the big sequel to my Detective Luigi series) and I’ve only VERY recently starting finally writing it again. I’ll give you a little snippet, AND! I will show you a little surprise I got for it. A preview of a commission I got from @artpghero​

The commission IS done and I look at it almost every day and feel energized into writing more of it! But I don’t want to show the full thing until this longfic is DONE.

Anyways, we’re still sitting at about 74k words here. I’m expecting the finished product to be around 90k, maybe even 100k? Probably not that long, but who knows. I’m really happy with how my creative works are going.

VIDEO GAAAAAAAAMES!

I have been playing video games as you all well know because those are what keep me going. I have a LOT I’ve played and I have feelings for them.

I played and beat Rabi Ribi and I really really liked it! This was a metroidvania that’s MUCH more open for exploring than actual Metroid or Castlevania and its got a cast of EXCLUSIVELY girls. The entire WORLD is cute/sexy anime girls and they are all CANONICALLY gay with each other, so you can be sure this will be one of my favorite games I played this year.

Played a game called Genesis Noir on Game Pass. Pretty neat artsy little point and click. Almost no dialogue. Over in a few hours. Was a cool experience where you just go through trippy and pretty art and try to understand WTF is going on. (The picture is probably gonna look terrible on tumblr, idc)

In the middle of playing Ghost of a Tale on Game Pass right now, and this game has been a GEM for me. I did not know anything about it or what I was getting into, but I really like it. You basically just play as a lil mouse friend and you go exploring this really interesting fantasy world and learning about the lore and characters. It feels like a fantasy book that you get to just sort of meander around in. Not much gameplay to speak of, a bit tedious but I just love the writing and feel of the world and that’s clearly what’s most important in this game. We’ll see how much I keep liking it as time goes on!

OTHER media??

I’m still reading Gideon the Ninth. It’s still cool! I like it. I can’t say anything new about it other than its still gay, its still necromancery, and its still got really cool environments and is still fairly funny. 

As for anime, I’m mostly just watching Slayers now, and I ADORE Slayers. We’re on Slayers Try now, and I just... I love everyone. It’s a good show, it’s good nostalgia, it is just good.

AND UH....

I think that’s good enough for now. I probably talked overly much here, but that’s about the gist of things. Yeah, my life is kind of just going to the grocery store and playing video games and hoping I will write. But it’s been okay. The day itself today has been pretty meh, but like 90% of my days are good and I’m content, and I know for a fact I’ll be feeling better very soon so I’m not too bothered. Thank you pills. Let’s hope they keep working and I keep gettin em.

BYEEEEEEEEEE

[princebugs]

stolen dance. (reed900)

small note before this begins--- this oneshot is based off of some art made by @jude-shotto !!! pls go follow them theyre amazing

-------------------

"Fucking--- shit," Squinted eyes gaze into his dust-ridden reflection before him, his phalanges evidently not nimble enough for this simple task he had to complete; tying a tie. Perhaps he was skilled in this in another life of his, but ever since he was a young kid, he was never able to finish any sort of tie. Whether it be a regular ass tie, or a bowtie--- tying that shit? Not Gavin's thing; he would just force his father to tie it, when his dad was still in the house, that is.

Cue another long-winded groan, and he gives up. The tie had gotten all sorts of messed up during the actual wedding, due to him having to lift it up to wipe away the tears dripping down his cheeks. Weddings were emotional, alright? Tina could barely get through her vows to North, and Gavin felt too many emotions at once--- anger at her for leaving Gavin so easily (not in the romantic way, he didn't like her like that), sadness for seeing her go away into her new life, and happiness for seeing his best friend finally finding someone that cared about her so dearly.

Nonetheless, it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Jealousy.

When the fuck was it gonna be Gavin's turn, huh?!

He threw the abandoned, wrinkled tie behind him, not really caring to see where it landed, and he points to himself in the mirror. "You, Gavin Reed, are a fuckin' delight to be around. You will find someone eventually. And, your ass looks GREAT in these pants, so don't go in there and look all depressed. You're gonna walk into that stupid dance-floor, immediately sit the fuck down at the bar, drink champagne, and hope for the best--- because Gavin Reed isn't a desperate man!"

A proud grin stretches across his visage, confidence washing over all of his insecurities as he turns around to leave the bathroom--- of course, taking a quick look at his ass along the way.

You're damn right it looks good.

He straightens out his suit jacket on the way out, before noticing that someone was in the bathroom stall directly behind where he did his little pep talk. Freezing in his tracks, the air is silent in the room for several moments.

"...I'll give you twenty bucks after this if you don't tell everyone about me talking about my ass."

"Deal."

Done and done with that, he walks out of the bathroom.

A brief exhalation, and still meandering with a new surge of confidence, his hues breeze over the area, searching for a very specific lady of the hour--- he wasn't letting her go on that honeymoon without stealing a dance from her, duh. That's just how they rolled, ever since highschool prom.

His train of thought is broken by someone speaking to him, and he inclines his cranium to the side to catch a glance of who wished to partake in a conversation with him--- oh. Connor, and Hank.

Connor was wearing suspenders along with his bowtie (stupid phckin' neat android who could tie a tie--), and his jacket was placed on a chair just a few feet away from them. His hair was done as it usually was; slicked back except for a few baby hairs. His smile was as bright as ever. "Gavin! We were wondering when you would come out of there. I queried to Hank that you might have had a bad lunch, and were possibly disposing of i--"

"Connor, stop that shit," Hank interrupts before Gavin gets the chance to, and Gavin almost laughs at his appearance. Listen, it's not everyday that you see Hank Motherfuckin' Anderson dressed up nicely, and Gavin actually has to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter. He didn't catch sight of him beforehand, so he was just seeing this--- this monkey suit of his.

He couldn't deny that it did look good on the Lieutenant, but nonetheless, it was fuckin' hilarious. "So, Hank, did you borrow that suit from your grandpa, because it looks just a lil' dusty riiiight--"

"Don't even touch me, Reed. Don't even think about it," Hank's coarse voice states, causing Gavin to retract his palm from almost wiping off the other male's shoulder. Gavin snickers anyways.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll bug you about that shit later, after the wedding," He actually has a tone of genuine joy, his childish smirk turning into a bright grin.

Connor beams at that. "Wow, Detective! You actually... don't look pissed off for once. I'm quite impressed."

His cerulean irises roll in slight irritation, but he keeps smiling. "Listen, today's a good day for me, alright? My best friend got married, for fuck's sake--- speaking of Tina, where is the secondary bride? I need to get my dance from her real quick before I dash outta this place. It smells like my nana in here."

"Don't tell North that," Markus joins in on the conversation, looking as pristine as ever with his tuxedo (suit jacket abandoned), and his sapphire-and-emerald optics practically sparkling in the light. Gavin almost blushes. Almost.

There may have been a possibility that Gavin used to have a minor, MINOR, crush on Markus. Who could blame him? Look at the guy--- he was too pretty. If Gavin was the president during the revolution, he would've let the androids live free just because he would have gotten entranced in everything that is... Markus.

He gave up on that MINOR crush soon enough, and now they were just mutual friends.

"Oh, shit--- she isn't around here, is she? North'll kill me if she heard that," Gavin glances around himself, emitting a sigh of relief. North was the one who planned the majority of the wedding occasion, and if she heard any complaint about it, she wouldn't hesitate to snap a certain-coffee-infused-relatively-short-detective's neck. Phew. "Coast is clear, y'all."

"Tina and North are actually sitting down right over there," Markus turned around to point over towards the newly-wedded couple before continuing, "be careful what you say, of course. North could still commit a murder tonight." Markus chuckles, but Gavin gulps.

"Alright, see ya, losers," The human begins his sauntering over towards Tina, ignoring any possible looks that were given his way (he was hoping it was merely because he put just a little extra sway in his step to catch people's attention), and then tapping Tina's shoulder once he made it there.

"North? Mind if I snatch away your wife for a dance?" Gavin bit down on the inside of his right cheek, extremely nervous about merely asking her that. He had met North beforehand, of course--- he was just very afraid of her. She didn't generally like humans, besides her partner, and he didn't generally like androids; it was a match made in HELL.

Surprisingly, North smiled softly, gesturing for Tina to go ahead and stand up. "Go ahead, I'm sure she needs as much time with her best friend as she can get."

"Sweet. C'mon, Tina," Finally taking off his jacket and placing it around an empty chair near his current area, as well as pushing up his sleeves, he then holds a palm out for her to take, and Tina laughs.

"Dude, are you taking me for a waltz, or something? Don't be so fancy," Tina, that beautiful bitch, giggled before giving her wife a kiss on the cheek, then taking Gavin's hand. "This doesn't make me any less gay, you know that, right?"

Gavin stuck his tongue out in disgust, a little 'bleugh' sound emitting from him, "Gross, man. Plus, you're totally not my type," he says as he leads her to the dancefloor. People are already dancing there, but once they see the grey-black vest of Gavin, and the sleek black dress of Tina, they move out of the way. Perks of being the best man and one of the brides, eh?

"Yeah," Tina began, peeking behind Gavin's shoulder as they swayed around to the rhythm, their hips shaking at a leisurely pace, "in fact, didn't your type just walk right through that door?"

His eyebrows furrow momentarily, his head turning to look behind him, and---

Yowza.

---------------------

keep reading on ao3!!!

[songficsbyrissi]

Do You Remember (Erik Killmonger x Reader)

“Do you remember, do you remember, do you remember

All of the times we had

Do you remember, do you remember, do you remember

All of the times we had

Let's bring it back” - Jay Sean feat. Sean Paul and Lil Jon

A/N: I wrote this as a bday gift to @nerd-lovely . Happy birthday love! And I hope the rest of you enjoy it as well! ️ **********************

Erik honked his horn for the millionth time today. “Come the fuck on!” He groaned gripping the steering wheel tight. Not only was he running late from picking his 6 year old daughter Ashanti up from school, but he ran into some bullshit traffic as well. He sighed turning up the radio and rested his head in his hand.

There's nothing left to say

Don't waste another day

Just you and me tonight

Everything will be okay

Erik turned it down and snorted. “What the fuck is this? Where’s my hood shit?”

Before he could change it, a car behind him honked loud as fuck. Erik honked back and rolled down the window.

“I got a horn too, nigga! Don’t you see this fucking traffic in front of me? We all got places to be!”

“Nigga who you talking to like that! I’ll clap your cheeks, nigga!”

Damn it. In words of the Boondocks, Erik found himself in a “nigga moment.” He could either A) get ignorant back or B) ignore it.

What option you think he picked?

“Nigga I’m from Oakland! I’ll clap your cheeks!” He shouted back.

“Shit nigga you pretty as shit. Come clap these cheeks.”

Erik’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. Shit, this nigga gay. He quickly rolled up his window and ignored the catcalling from the car behind him. He was just focused on picking up his daughter. When Erik finally made it to the elementary school, he expected Ashanti to be waiting outside. She wasn’t.

He went into the principal’s office where they informed him she was in her classroom and the principal escorted Erik to her classroom. Erik looked through the window in the door of the classroom and saw his daughter sitting at her desk coloring. He opened the door and bit his lip.

‘Damn why didn’t Ashanti tell me she got a fine ass teacher?’ Erik thought to himself when his eyes fell on you. He could tell you were a little fed up with the little motherfuckers you had to deal with all day but you didn’t show it. Especially since you did love the kids even though they got on your nerves.

You had your hair up in a high puff and your face with a natural makeup look. You were dressed in a yellow blazer, white tank top, blue jeans, and nude heels. Not only did Erik appreciate that his daughter had a black teacher in this predominantly white school, but she had natural hair and having Ashanti see girls that look exactly like her doing big things really mattered.

“Daddy!” Ashanti ran up to him with a huge smile on her face and Erik immediately smiled back, scooping her up in his arms. “You finally came!”

“Yeah I’m sorry, baby girl. Traffic was annoying.” Erik turned his attention to you when you finished talking to the principal and he left the room. “I’m sorry and thank you for staying with her.”

You put your hand up. “It was no problem. I know I’m not supposed to say this but Ashanti is my favorite.”

Ashanti gasped with her eyes gleaming in happiness. “Yay! I’m Miss Y/L/N’s favorite!”

You shushed her, giggling with a finger to your lips. “Shh! It’s our little secret!”

You stuck out your pinky and the little girl’s mouth formed an O in understanding, linking pinkies with you. Erik’s eyebrows furrowed once your last name registered in his brain. The name sounded so familiar but he couldn’t figure where he’s heard it from.

Erik put Ashanti down and told her to sit and wait for him at her desk. She obeyed and his eyes focused on you.

“Your last name is Y/L/N? It sounds really familiar. What’s your first name?”

“Y/N.” You answered curiously.

“I swear I’ve seen you before and that name....”

“You’ve probably ran into me before, which I doubt because when I’m not here, I’m home.” You laughed a little walking back to your desk and he followed behind. When you turned around, you two made eye contact and it finally clicked in Erik’s head.

“Oh shit.” Erik whispered with a small smirk on his face. “I remember you. Y/N from Oakland High.”

You had a puzzled look on your face. “Do I know you?”

Erik’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. “Girl, you don’t remember me? Erik? Erik Stevens?! I led African American Club which I liked to call Nigga Nation. And you were the cute, little nerd that always attended. You were shy but when you said something, it was the smartest shit I’ve ever heard.”

You were shocked as you thought back to high school. “I didn’t think anyone paid attention to me to high school.”

“I did.” Erik stated sitting up in his chair, straightening his posture then cleared his throat. “You still don’t remember? You used to let me cheat off you all the time. I would’ve never passed Physics if it wasn’t for you.”

A grin crossed your face in realization. “Oh I remember that! You were always saying “who cares about physics when the white men is killing us?” You shook your head laughing. “You were so annoying but funny. I liked you.”

“I liked you too.” Erik stood up from his seat. “Hey. I gotta go but maybe we can catch up some time? I don’t have to be just a memory.”

You bit back a smile and wrote down your cellphone number on a slip of paper. You placed it in his hands.

“Well, I’m always free on the weekends so you just let me know when you wanna link up.”

“Aight see you later, Y/N.” Erik smirked at the paper and sent you a wink. You looked away shyly as he grabbed his daughter’s hand and walked out the classroom.

You say back in your chair when you jumped up in realization.

Did he just call you cute? ********************

“Honestly, I should’ve known Ashanti was your daughter when she told her Caucasian classmate that “she had too much privilege to be failing some basic spelling tests.” You giggled popping a spoonful of the large chocolate chip cookie sundae you two were sharing.

Erik chuckled scooping a piece. “Wow so not even by the same last name. It’s by the way she’s young and woke.”

You shook your head snickering. “That’s a funny way to say hotep but yeah.”

Erik gasped dramatically holding his chest in feigned offense. 

“Me? Hotep?”

You nodded in response. “Yes. You were a hotep back in high school and now you projecting that on the poor baby.”

“Well, she’s the only one I got so I gotta make sure she’s good.” Erik sighed and you could detect a little sadness in his tone. Your smile dropped a little as you got serious.

“So Ashanti’s mom.....she’s not in the picture.” You asked slowly and when Erik glanced up at you, you swallowed hard waving it off.

“I’m sorry. I’m getting too personal. I’ll change the subject. So-“

“She didn’t want to be a mother.” Erik cut you off, staring in your eyes sincerely. “We were young in college. She was against abortion but didn’t want a baby. When Ashanti was born, I had to beg her not to put her up for adoption and she just let me have her, but not without letting me know how stupid I was to think I could attend college and raise a child at the same time. She was right. I couldn’t. I had a choice to make and I chose Ashanti.”

“And she didn’t.....”

“She signed over all rights. She didn’t want anything to do with her because “she had plans for the future that she was not giving up for a baby.” Erik chuckled sarcastically. “I haven’t seen her since she walked away from our daughter.”

You reached over and touched Erik’s hand. “Ashanti is lucky to have a father like you. From what I’ve seen, you’ve been doing a great job by yourself.”

“Thanks but sometimes, I be thinking I’m not enough. Every girl needs a mom. It’s a damn shame hers didn’t want her.”

You felt your heart drop at everything Erik told you. You were not necessarily mad at Ashanti’s mother because not every woman wants a child, which is ok but damn, once they come into the world, how could you still want nothing to do with them? How could you just walk away and never care to see how they’re doing? Deadbeat parents are the worst.

“You are enough, Erik. Even though you’re a college dropout, from what you told me, you’re doing well for yourself as a full time contractor and still make time for her. She adores you. You are enough for her.”

Erik stared at you for a while before smirking.

“What?” You began to laugh when he did. “You better not clown me for that cheesy stuff I said. It may be cheesy but it’s true”

“Nah it’s not that. It’s just.....you grew up to be even more amazing than you were back then.”

You beamed at his compliment and pointed your spoon at him accusingly. “See? It’s because of you sayin shit like that.....that’s what made me have a crush on you.” You smacked your forehead realizing what you just said. “Aww shit!”

“She thinks I’m cuteeeeee she wanna have sexxxx!” Erik sang teasingly in Chief Keef’s voice causing you to shush him as you avoided the stares from other patrons in the restaurant.

“Mhm I’m not surprised you did.” He continued in a cocky way and you rolled your eyes. “I was kinda feeling you too, no lie.”

“He thinks I’m cuteeeeeee he wanna have sexxxxx!”

Erik chuckled hard at your horrible impression and you held your stomach in laughter.

“Yo do you remember that one time in Physics when it was mad quiet and this nigga sang that mad loud?”

You nodded vigorously covering your mouth as snickers escaped. “Yes! Mr. Borden kicked him out so quick! He was not having it! I was weak!”

Time flew as you and Erik continued to walk down memory lane. You two kept talking about all the good times you two had in high school and as you guys dwelled in nostalgia, it made you think about how much you missed Erik and you didn’t even realize until he came back and made you remember everything you felt in high school.

“Hey guys. We have been closed since 11 so if you could....” Your waitress walked up to you and you glanced at your phone in shock. 11:22. You groaned loudly turning to her.

“I’m so sorry. We lost track of time. We’ll be out of here quick.” You grabbed your leftovers and Erik apologized as well, dropping extra money to her tip for the trouble. The both of you walked out of the restaurant and walked to your cars which were conveniently parked next to each other.

“Well, even though it has been years, it is never a dull moment with you, Erik Stevens. I had a great time.”

“So did I. The great times don’t have to end again.” He slowly walked towards you with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Let’s not forget about each other again.”

You tapped your chin in thought. “Mhmmm don’t you think that’s kind of impossible when your daughter is one of my students?”

“Aight smartass. You knew what I meant.”

You giggled. “Yeah I did. We had some good ass times and some good ass memories. Tonight is definitely going down in the books. We really left the restaurant mad late like typical niggas.”

He chortled in reply to your statement. “Yeah We got a lot more memories like that to make again.”

“Yeah we do.”

You looked up and noticed how close he was to you. You bit your lip and closed your eyes. Erik leaned in and pecked you softly. You opened your mouth allowing his warm tongue to invade your mouth. The kiss was sweet but hot and after some seconds passed, you pulled away from each other smiling.

“Text me when you get home, aight?”

“Aight and tell Ashanti I said hi.” You got into your car and drove off.

Erik made his way to his cousin T’Challa’s house where he was babysitting little Ashanti for him. Erik stepped through the door and T’Challa had his arms folded in annoyance.

“Erik, you said you would back by 10! It’s damn near midnight!”

“I’m sorry, T. Time got away from me, but thanks for watching Ashanti for me”.

T’Challa waved him off. “Ahh it is not a problem. I love my little niece even though she is like her father.”

Erik ignored his comment. “Is she asleep?”

“She should be.”

Erik went into T’Challa’s guest bedroom where his daughter laid down playing with her Princess Tiana doll. He shook his head sitting on the edge of the bed and she smiled sheepishly knowing she’s been caught.

“You know you’re supposed to be sleeping, Titi.” Erik scolded softly.

She began to pout. “I know but I couldn’t, daddy! I wanna know about your date with Miss Y/L/N! Did you have fun? Oooh did you kiss her?!”

Erik was taken aback by all of her questions. “Little girl, you getting too nosy! What you know about kissing?”

“Well the princesses in my books get kissed at the end.....”

Erik raised an eyebrow. “What does that have to do with your teacher?”

“She’s a princess, silly!” The little girl declared in a duh tone and gestured towards her collection of dolls which were black princesses. “She looks like my princess dolls so she’s a princess! Just like me!”

‘Damn I did a good job raising her’ Erik thought to himself, mentally patting himself on the back.

“And you’re a prince, daddy. And the prince kisses the princess and they live happily ever after!” She sang and Erik leaned over and kissed his daughter’s forehead.

“There. I kissed a princess. Now grab your stuff so we can go home. You need to sleep, sweetheart.”

“It’s ok if you kissed her, daddy. I want her to be my mommy.” Ashanti wrapped her arms around her father’s neck and he caught her sighing. “And I know you really like her, daddy.”

“Once again, pack up your stuff, princess. I’m not going to tell you again.” Erik kissed her cheek and set her down so she could obey his order. His phone chimed signaling a text. He opened it and it read:

You: I’m home. Good night, Mr. Stevens.

He shot a text back.

Erik: I’m glad you remembered to text me, baby girl.

You: I will always remember you ;)

Erik smirked hard at your text and typed in response:

Erik: Good night, Miss Y/L/N

As Erik drove home with Ashanti asleep in the backseat, all he could think about was seeing you again. He thought back to her questioning and knew one thing for sure.

You were a princess and you were his princess.

Tags:  @lifelover4u @dessianna1 @brattywriters-anonymous @marvelpotterlove @purple-apricots @blackpinup22 @ljstraightchaser @slimmiyagi @cancerianprincess @iamrheaspeaks @blowmymbackout @vibranium-chakra @nerd-lovely @chaneajoyyy @ohliyaxoxo @chefjessypooh @yourfavoritefavorite @airis-paris14 @ljstraightnochaser @quietstorm-73 @msincognito67 @sociallyawkward18 @mychemicalimagines @nerd-lovely @marvelpotterlove   @destinio1 @madamslayyy @thehomierobbstark

[general-du-vallon]

CONSTAAAAAAAANCE!!!! 

hi yep welcome to my now-regular meander through the episode. basically, this week: CONTANCE!! ok other things but

1.) Constance taking care of Agnes <3 women taking care of each other in gay and non gay ways it totes my bag of glitter. 

2.) d’Artagnan and his plan is OMG HE DEF deserves Connie’s knee in the bollocks. Going from ‘I won’t let you in there’ (??? Why she is clearly excellent at fighting as only d’Art knows) to ‘you know how I asked you to be my undercover sex worker twice? well now you’re gonna be a wet nurse’. He doesn’t want her fighting, taking on his/men’s roles, but he’s happy to have her in her/women’s roles. 

3.) CONSTANCE!! she’s so smart, with the blanket counting the men, and so soft and gentle and lovely with the baby, and so clever to annoy Marie de Medici enough to get her to piss off, and so sassy to Aramis, (I don’t think musketeers DO knock, lovely, I think they are Above Such Things), and so brave and so good at fighting. She is literally perfect. 

4.) Aramis’s amazement at the baby stopping crying at his silly song is sweet, tbf. And I totally am all for him looking after babies while Constance fights. 

5.) Constance not wanting to give the baby back at the end, aw. She can have ALL the babies. She can be a good rich lady who’s in cahoots with the queen and loved at court, a women of means and status, and she can take in all the babies she likes and not worry a bit what d’Artagnan’s doing, waltzing about. She will have Aramis to help take care of them, and the queen. Don’t you worry Connie, we’ve got you. 

6.) She’s so beautiful as well, so incredibly lovely, and so alive and good and pure and perfect. I love her a lot. IN CASE YOU MISSED THAT.

7.) Porthos and Athos got to be nice in this episode :) protecting the king and making jokes, I love how Athos’s lips snicks up at one side like he’s not even aware of it but Porthos has amused him. And then he’s snarky (’and incidentally, our pleasure’). 

8.) Sassy Athos and his ‘either that or they were the worst assassins ever’. I love his snark. He has the right tone for it. Absolute boredom and derision at the world around him. Perf. Also him and Porthos off on their little detective adventure is nice. 

9.) When they spot Constance and her Gang spying on the house, I have no photo :( Porthos little head nod and Athos’s mm hmm and ‘this can’t be a coincidence’ is a lovely little exchange where they communicate loads before they even say anything. 

10.) Athos puts his hand on Porthos’s shoulder when they’re told to go get Henry I didn’t notice it before and I have no idea WHY he is just... touching Porthos. For niceness. I like. 

11.) I NEVER HEARD PORTHOS SAY THIS BEFORE!! or I don’t remember. Though I usually watch with subtitles... anyway. What a waste! Ha! Porthos and his booze. I KNEW there was canon for him being over the top about his booze <3

12.) Athos and Porthos and ‘Henry will never be king’ conversation, I literally have nothing to say they just look at each other and I am too far gone to NOT screen cap it. 

13.) I KNOW that found family was the theme for LAST week but I FORGOT and this week’s episode is pretty strong about that too. Agnes recognizing Aramis’s lil found family, Aramis admitting that the musketeers might count as family, Aramis still being sad that he can’t be part of that little family with the baby but respecting Agnes’s wishes. Just about. He only asks ... twice? I think.the two times she tells him she’ll be faithful to her husband and she is not alone, she has her son. But Aramis’s little found family is really nice,

14.) I wish, to be honest, that Agnes had got more in her story than loving a man and being a mother, she is mostly defined by her husband and her son. I think there are hints of it, though; her being alone and afraid before Philippe (which, funnily, is also Feron’s name in the third series, the bastard brother of Louis. Hmm... so was he Louis’s twin, or his half brother?). She is grieving, her husband can’t have died much ago that must be why Duval sent a letter to the Cardinal.   

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 28th April 2019 (Jonas Blue, Lil Dicky, Rita Ora)

Top 10

We have a couple new arrivals this week, but the biggest story is still how this song clings on to the top spot, as “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus still at number-one for a second week, and both the meme and constant discussion surrounding the song continue to spread to the point where it’s a cultural phenomenon.

The rest of the top 10 is incredibly less interesting. “Piece of Your Heart” by MEDUZA and Goodboys is up two spaces to number-two. It could make a play for the top.

Lewis Capaldi’s “Someone You Loved” is also down a spot to number-three.

Down one position from last week is Billie Eilish’s “bad guy” at number-four.

Tom Walker’s “Just You and I” isn’t moving at number-five.

Avicii’s posthumous hit “SOS” featuring vocals from Aloe Blacc has boosted up six spaces to number-six, becoming Avicii’s first ever posthumous Top 10, as well as his tenth Top 10 in general, and Aloe Blacc’s third.

Up a spot from last week is the Jonas Brothers with “Sucker” at number-seven.

Russ (Splash) and Tion Wayne’s “Keisha & Becky” stabilises its spot at number-eight, down a spot from last week.

Elevating a single space from recent controversy is “Here with Me” by Marshmello and CHVRCHES at number-nine.

At #10, to round off our top 10, is “Talk” by Khalid, up a space and returning to the top 10.

Climbers

Wiley’s “Boasty” featuring verses from Stefflon Don, Sean Paul and Idris freakin’ Elba is up five spaces to #12, whilst “All Day and Night” by EUROPA featuring Madison Beer enters the top 20 at #14, up eight spaces from last week, becoming the first top 20 hit for EUROPA as a group, as well as Jax Jones’ seventh, Martin Solveig’s third as well as Beer’s first ever (Congratulations). Other than that, “Pretty Shining People” by George Ezra is up nine spots to #25, and his other song “Shotgun” is up seven to #30, so there must have been some sort of boost to the album sales, but generally, that’s all we have.

Fallers

We have a few more of these, or at least it seems these songs are more notable. “Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man finally gets its streaming cuts due to dumb UK chart rules and is down 10 positions to #16, whilst “Boy with Luv” by BTS featuring Halsey collapses 16 spaces down to #29 as K-pop always does, “Disaster” by Dave featuring J Hus is down six spaces to #33, whilst “wish you were gay” by Billie Eilish as well as “MONOPOLY” by Ariana Grande and Victoria Monet seem prepared for a premature exit, down 11 and 10 spots respectively to #37 and #40.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

I’m going to assume YNW Melly has had his streaming cut as “Murder on My Mind” is completely out of the Top 75 after dropping out from #38. Speaking of, “Options” by NSG and Tion Wayne has very unfortunately dropped out from #23 due to this dumb chart rule, which directly affects certain genres, i.e. urban music like hip hop and R&B (as well as EDM, for that matter) that is boosted prominently from streaming, from never having any longevity and not becoming as big as hits on the year-end than they deserve. “Options” would have been locked if it weren’t for this rule, as I think it would have lasted many more weeks. The other drop-out is from Ariana Grande and it’s “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” from #39.

NEW ARRIVALS

#39 – “Carry On” – Kygo and Rita Ora

Produced by Kygo and Afsheen – Peaked at #8 in Norway

Yes! I finally get to talk about Pokémon! I know what you’re thinking, what? Why? It’s just Rita Ora collaborating with some massive EDM producer like she always does, and while you’re right, it’s for the Detective Pikachu film, which isn’t currently out but I am going to see it at some point. I’m excited to hear this soundtrack as well, although I’m not exactly expecting Kygo and Rita Ora to deliver anything particularly good, or interesting, or Pokémon-related for that matter. Pokémon songs for the anime films have never directly related to the film plots, though, and usually were kind of boring, motivational songs with very vague lyrics, which is understandable as they had to be rushed out every single year. Anyway, this is Kygo’s seventh Top 40 hit and Rita Ora’s 21st, which is impressive, and is it any good? No. Of course it isn’t, and I’m mostly indifferent on this tasteless drivel that EDM producers put out in general with female pop singers where it sounds like the singers have been artificially sped-up, with mixing that’s overly-drowned in reverb and an instrumental as dry as clay years after it is first moulded. The piano melody here isn’t bad, but it isn’t unique and doesn’t carry Rita Ora’s incredibly weak hook, and in general her performance here sucks, like that random “Woo!” she adds in that pauses the song entirely just to halt his momentum, to add nothing at all! There’s barely a real drop here, so it just feels like a constant onslaught of nothingness and high-pitched vocal samples, which I somewhat like for its effort not to make a club banger but rather a tropical house ballad straight out of the dregs of 2016, and it’s not the last new arrival we have that does that here, but this is the only one I’ll talk about in this episode, more on that later. Anyways, this isn’t worth much analysis. It’s dreadfully boring but it’s not exactly long and doesn’t overstay its presence for THAT long, I suppose, it’s just disappointing for a soundtrack that is supposed to provide the music for what is looking out to be a film full of personality with actors oozing charisma. I’m looking out for the Sonic the Hedgehog film’s soundtrack a bit more now, albeit just for the novelty of a Dr. Robotnik cover of “Gangsta’s Paradise”. Next.

#27 – “No Diet” – Digga D

Produced by Ghosty

Digga D is a UK drill artist, as most of the rappers we see on the charts are in 2019. I’ve only vaguely heard of him before, so I think it’s safe to assume that the extreme marketing for the song involving a lot of different companies and individuals, including Mixtape Madness, is what landed this on the charts as Digga D’s first top 40 hit, as well as the video which is about trafficking crack cocaine in Coca-Cola cans... sure. Anyway, is the song itself any good? Well... the beat is incredibly minimalistic like most UK drill, with just an ominous piano line as the backing for a skittering hi-hat and bass-heavy trap beat – those 808s, by the way, are pretty insane. Digga D isn’t really saying anything of interest or anything different than the other guys, but the beat is good enough to carry him a lot of the time, and I love his weird sounds he uses for the ad-libs. It reminds me of a British Migos, where instead of repeating the line, he just makes unintelligible nonsense words and stutters. The singing on the second verse is pretty janky in relative to when it appears in the verse, and while Genius says this and the supposedly playful lyrics are what sets it apart, I don’t see the juxtaposition here, I just think it’s kind of surreal in how bipolar this song feels. There’s an ominous, eerie and menacing beat, violent and braggadocious lyrics from Digga, and then a bunch of silly, humorous ad-libs over it. This song has an identity crisis first and foremost, and while we’re at it...

#24 – “Earth” – Lil Dicky

Produced by benny blanco and Cas—

Nope. No, sorry, not touching this one. I appreciate what it’s doing for charity but I have a LOT to say about this song and trust me, it is not overwhelmingly positive, so, no, I’m not covering this one, at least not like this, and not right now. I might do a full-length review at some point but I think it’s much more likely that I talk about this at the end of the year, if you get the gist. For now, to replace an actual review, let me just list the guest stars, because technically, this is a song by Lil Dicky featuring Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande, Halsey, Zac Brown of his eponymous band, Brendan Urie of Panic! at the Disco, common fungus Hailee Steinfeld, Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg, Kevin Hart as Kanye West, Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Shawn Mendes, Charlie Puth, Sia, Miley Cyrus, Lil Jon, Rita Ora, Miguel, Katy Perry, Lil Yachty as an STD, Ed Sheeran, Meghan Trainor, mother-father gentleman PSY, professional basketball player Joel Embiid, Tory Lanez, John Legend, Bad Bunny, Kris Wu, Leonardo DiCaprio and the entirety of the Backstreet Boys. Does that count as a review for Lil Dicky’s second UK Top 40 single? I don’t care, I’ll talk about in length when I want to. Trust me, I’m planning ahead.

#23 – “What I Like About You” – Jonas Blue and Theresa Rex

Produced by Jonas Blue – Peaked at #1 in Belgium

Oh, yeah, this, okay, well, Jonas Blue exists, I guess, and I’m supposed to review everything he puts out because everything this dude makes charts... and sucks. I don’t really have a problem with the dude, but nothing he makes is all that interesting, and he’s the epitome of carelessly generic EDM and dance-pop. This particular track features vocals from Theresa Rex, Danish pop singer who you won’t know by name and she doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page, but you will know the voice of from “Solo Dance” years back, which she had uncredited vocals on (I’m glad they stopped not crediting the vocalists on EDM tracks, especially since, you know, they do all the heavy lifting in terms of singing). The production here is pretty tropical, I guess, with some handclaps and a weak synth drop that has a few orchestral stabs to replace any unique instrumentation. None of the vocal melodies catch on yet and I’d much prefer “Solo Dance” to this. What else am I supposed to say? I know I’ve taken the easy way out with these two songs, but honestly we’re at a standstill in the charts right now where it should really be more interesting than it is.

Conclusion

Even if I didn’t review it, I don’t care, Lil Dicky and friends still get Worst of the Week for “Earth”, with Dishonourable Mention going to Jonas Blue and Theresa Rex for “That’s What I Like About You”, or something to that effect. In fact, there’s no Best of the Week or Honourable Mention, the Dishonourable Mention is tied as Kygo and Rita Ora’s “Carry On” exemplifies the exact same problem. God, what a crappy week. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more pop music ramblings and Top 20 rankings, and I’ll see you next week!