#our brains just pay more attention to the bad than the good when left to their own devices

[princesssarcastia]

the problem with repression is that it's like carrying tension in your jaw. i would know, i do both. the problem is that even once you realize you're doing it, you can't stop doing it. you can only jolt to awareness a few minutes or hours or even days into the process and try to consciously will yourself to stop. and you have to do that every single time, because somehow, without you noticing, your body trained itself to do these things in good and bad times both.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Nother Idea: Steve has a really bad migraine when he sees his parents for the first time post spring break from hell. He is still recovering from his injuries & his parsnts don't know how to help him. He is in tears begging his father or mother to get him Rob or Eds. And they have no clue who that is. The other parent finds a note by the main house phone and one by his bedroom phone with the names Robin & Eddie with their numbers. And they watch their adult son get coddled by a lesbian and a metalhead. Bsjsjcjdjd maybe they find out about the UD???

I TOOK A BREAK FROM PLANNING OUR WEDDING FOR THIS MY LOVE!!! You know how I feel about migraine Steve and you know how I feel about some good old hurt/comfort and how I feel about Steve's parents just being shitty always. It's like you wrote this request from MY BRAIN. It's a bit shorter than I could've done, but I am rushing out the door at this point and wanted to have it posted today in case I can't tonight. Hope you love it!!! - Mickala ❤️

-------------------------------------------------------

Luck was never on Steve’s side.

He hadn’t slept more than a few hours in weeks, his brain and body constantly running through checklists of things he had to do and people he needed to check on.

It was catching up with him in the form of the worst migraine he’s had in months.

And now his parents were home.

He could hear them talking downstairs, their voices carrying and making Steve wince against his pillow.

He managed to close his curtains when he got up to use the bathroom this morning, but hadn’t managed to do anything else. Including close his door.

He hadn’t really expected that to be an issue since he was alone all the time.

His parents hadn’t been home in nearly six months. They hadn’t even bothered to call when the “earthquake” hit.

He kept his eyes closed in hopes that they wouldn’t bother him, maybe they’d even close his door for him if they thought he was asleep.

Wishful thinking.

His dad’s booming voice was suddenly right next to him, echoing around his room and his head.

“It’s the middle of the damn day, Anne! He can’t sleep his life away!”

Steve let out a groan, burying his head as far into his pillows as he could to avoid some of the noise.

His father would give up eventually, probably call him something terrible, be disappointed, the usual. But he’d leave, and Steve could bask in the peace and quiet again.

“Do you hear me, Steven? Anne, he’s ignoring me!”

Steve groaned again as he heard his mother’s voice from the doorway.

“Richard, he’s clearly hungover. We should come back later.”

Steve loved that idea. If they left, he could try to sleep this migraine off.

“I’m not just leaving him! He has to act like a responsible adult someday, Anne. We don’t pay for this house for him to spend his days hungover in it.”

“Not hungover.”

Steve’s voice was muffled against the pillow, his head pounding with every movement of his lips, but he knew he had to at least try to stick up for himself.

“So you’re just a useless sack in the middle of the day on a Thursday for no reason, then?”

Steve let out a whine at the sharp pains shooting through his head.

“Eddie. Call?”

Words were hard when your head was trying to implode on itself.

“Who is Eddie? Is that the person who got you drunk? I will not be calling this Eddie person, and I expect you to be up, showered, and dressed by the time we are back from our business dinner. Do you understand?”

“Robin.”

“Isn’t that your girlfriend? Is she responsible for this?”

Steve wanted to scream that the people responsible for this were dead or Russian spies who were hopefully dead and no thanks to either of his parents, he often spent days like this.

Not as often since he practically had Robin and Eddie living with him, but enough.

“No. Eddie.”

“Eddie isn’t your girlfriend.” Anne was closer now. “Do you need medical attention? You’re not making any sense. Oh goodness, Richard, maybe he’s having a stroke.”

His side was pulsing. Eddie said his did too sometimes, a casual reminder that they’d been nearly eaten alive. The pain wasn’t nearly as bad as his head, though.

He needed to get to his phone so he could call Eddie.

Eddie knew what to do to help. He wouldn’t be scared of his parents.

Just as he started to move his head so he could try to roll out of bed, he heard his mom speak again, much lower, probably directly to his dad.

He had extremely sensitive hearing when he had migraines, though, so he could still hear what she was saying.

“This note has those names with phone numbers. Maybe we should call them?”

“It’s just a hangover. He has to man up.”

“It just seems like more than a hangover. He’s in real pain.”

“You do what you want. Coddle him if you must. I have a business dinner to get ready for.”

He heard his father leave the room, but didn’t bother moving.

His mom was suddenly talking into the phone.

“Is this Eddie? Yes, this is Anne Harrington. Steve’s mom, yes. He had your number written down by the phone. He’s asking for you and he seems to be quite hungover. It’s not? Oh. Oh. Okay. Well, could you come keep an eye on him, then? I would appreciate it. I could pay you.” Steve heard yelling on the other end and tried to smirk, but his face was in too much pain. “Okay, see you soon.”

“Steve? Eddie’s coming. He didn’t want any money or anything to sit with you, but I’ll leave some on the counter just in case.”

“Loves me.”

“What was that?”

Steve turned his head to the side so he could say it again, emphasize to his mother that people actually loved him.

“He loves me.”

He was met with silence, but he was happy about it, his head still finding new ways to hurt even after 100 migraines.

His mom left the room, but he knew Eddie was coming, so he rested.

When he woke up, Robin’s hands were in his hair. She was gently combing through it, from scalp to ends, being careful to avoid any tangles that may have been hiding.

“Robs.”

“Hey Dingus,” she whispered, knowing he couldn’t handle normal talking voices when it was this bad. “Gave Eds and I quite a scare having your mom call, you know.”

“Sorry. Couldn’t.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“Eddie?”

“He’s downstairs giving your parents the riot act while he unloads groceries. He’s pissed.”

“At me?”

“No, never you. He’s got your extra strength pain meds that you were out of though.”

Steve had forgotten to get more last time he went to the store and he admittedly wouldn’t be this bad off if he had them ready to go when he woke up this morning.

But Eddie always took care of him and Robin always took care of him, and he was allowed to not have to do everything for himself anymore.

“It’s like you don’t even care that he’s hurt because of fucking government conspiracies!”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Robin’s hand froze as they listened to Eddie and his dad go back and forth.

“The Russians almost killed him! Where were you? Not fucking here! The monsters almost killed him! Where were you? Probably on a business trip or whatever it is you rich fucks like to do with your time that should be spent checking in on your son.”

“Oh boy,” Robin slowly started to get up, causing Steve to whimper. “I’m gonna send him up here to cool off. Just breathe.”

So he did. He breathed in, then out, in, then out.

He did that until he felt Eddie’s hands in his hair, lips on his forehead.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he whispered against his hair. “Brought you some water and meds.”

“Yelling?”

“They deserve it. But don’t worry about that right now. Just take these pills and sleep. I got ya.”

“Got me.”

“Yeah, sweetheart, always got you.”

He could hear Robin yelling downstairs now, but he didn’t focus on it, following Eddie’s advice and sitting up just enough to swallow the pills and half a glass of water.

As he fell asleep, he heard Robin whispering to Eddie.

“He’s got us, at least.”

“Yeah, he does.”

[waldau]

dust — jeon wonwoo | 919 words | fluff, hurt/comfort

stream dust till it creates a black hole in your heart! 10/10 recommended!

gender neutral reader. warnings: none.

wonwoo comes home from a long but productive day in the studio only to find you lying on the bed of your shared bedroom with your laptop to your side and his sweatshirt in your hands.

you're curled up on yourself and facing him, but you haven't registered his presence yet.

his first instinct is to defend himself — he hasn't done anything wrong. that he's aware of. your house was not a mess when he left this morning. he woke up at the same time as you, and because you were going to be late for work, he managed to help fold your bedsheet, prepare breakfast while you showered and keep your stuff ready so all you had to do was grab them and dart out of the door.

he'd called you in the afternoon to check in on you after the hectic morning you'd had, and you'd sounded fine. tired, but fine. your presentation had been due but you seemed confident enough that it would go well.

did it not go well?

he takes a step forward and calls out your name. he just wants to hold you in his arms and know that you're okay, even if you might not want to tell him what's wrong.

you look at him and let out a sad noise. he can't take it anymore.

"can i sit next to you?" he asks, only taking his place next to you when you nod. "hey," he says, resting a hand on your back.

"hey," you say, but your voice breaks and it sounds like you've just pronounced the eighth letter of the alphabet. wonwoo swallows a smile and rubs his hand up and down your back.

"did me being here in spirit help?" he asks, pointing to the sweatshirt in your hand. you look at the piece of clothing in your hand and tighten your grip on it.

"please don't...break up with me?"

wonwoo frowns. that's not what he expected you to reply with. he tries to rack his brain for reasons why he'd ever do that.

"did you cheat on me?"

his question shocks you enough to get you to sit up straight, looking at him. "how could you think i'd ever—"

"because that's the only reason i'd break up with you."

you blink. "oh," you say, "so it's fine if i...i don't know, finish the last of the cookies we saved?"

he gives you his most unimpressed stare, only because he knows it always makes you smile. you push the sweatshirt away and reach out for him, and he's more than happy to be held by you.

"i don't want our relationship to be like dust," you say after a while.

wonwoo tries to decipher your metaphor, not that you speak often in them. he lifts his head to give you a questioning look when his mind comes up with nothing.

"i was listening to fml."

right. the album's just come out a couple of days ago, and you promised you'd listen to it when you got the time.

"is it so bad that you're down?" he asks.

you let out a watery laugh at that. it's enough to reassure him to lie down again.

"it's the opposite of that. it's pretty good, actually," you say, resting a hand in his hair, lazily tousling it.

wonwoo's train of thought has reached its final stop. "baby, you're going to have to help me out here."

you sigh, almost into his hair. "i heard dust."

"so what if you— oh."

"yeah, oh."

wonwoo's consumed by an intense surge of affection for you. he tries to pull himself into you even closer, only paying the slightest attention when you push at his shoulder and complain about not being able to breathe.

"baby," he says, feeling his voice take on a tone he knows you're going to chide him for, "you do know i had nothing to do with writing that song?"

he feels you nod.

"you also know i'm not the one who sang anything on that song?"

he can almost hear the gears turning in your head before you mumble a soft, "shut up, wonwoo." and then, "you're going to break your glasses if you hold me like that any longer."

"don't care." but he rolls away when you push his shoulder. "do you seriously think i'm going to break up with you some day?"

you shrug. "sometimes. bad days."

"why don't i ever hear about them?"

you sigh. "it's stupid. not worth your time."

wonwoo shakes his head. "you don't get to decide that, baby."

you look at him with a small smile on your face. "that's the third time you've called me that today."

"i'll say it again if you want me to."

when you say nothing, he rolls back next to you, mindful of your laptop. it's been a while since you've just hung out, doing absolutely nothing together.

"hi, handsome."

he closes his eyes at the compliment. "i was thinking."

"oh, no."

he pinches your side gently. "it's raining outside."

"is it?"

"do you want to go out?"

"in...the rain?"

"i was thinking we could film a video to this song. so you don't feel sad the next time you hear it."

your eyes widen with what he can only call love, before you wrap yourself around him tightly.

"i love you, wonwoo, i love you, i love—"

"i love you too, baby," he says, holding you closer to him. loving you is the easiest thing he's done.

[nightqueen1221]

Can you do hurt and comfort for Soul Eater, Black Star, and Death The Kid? (You pick the scenerio but make it that the reader is who gets hurt please) .

Thank you, Anonymous

This is from March😭😭😭😭😭 I'm getting there y'all.

Soul

-He's absolutely going to push himself to his limit and/or past it.

-But don't you even DARE try and work to your fullest. He doesn't want you overwhelmed or overworked.

-You really didn't like this since he was so on your ass about it. He cared for you as a friend by giving some advice but never being pushy about it.

-This was before you were dating.

-Now that you are, he REALLY doesn't want you to get hurt. Maka tells him he's just over reacting and needs to let you do you. She cares for you as well.

-He wanted to talk to you about it, but it ended in an argument with you storming out with your weapon/meister.

-He wanted to run after you but dicided not to since it was kinda his fault you were angry.

-He sat with Maka waiting for you to come back while he talked things out with his meister.

-He didn't start to truly get concerned until he saw just how late it was and you still weren't back.

-Black Star burst through the door exclaim you were in the hospital.

-Soul immediately got up in a panic talking a million questions a second about your condition.

-You were conscious when he saw you lying on the hospital bed. The doctors said you had been fading in and out of sleep for awhile now.

-He wanted to yell at you for not listening to him or degrade himself for not stopping you. He knew that was the last thing you needed right now, so he just sat by your side, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

-When you were in a better state, he apologized for yelling at you. You than apologized for not listening to him.

-After this you both started working on a system so you wouldn't overwork yourself and so he wouldn't worry about you over overworking.

Black Star

-He's the opposite of Soul. He really doesn't pay attention to what you're doing in battle.

-Even after fighting, he still might not realize you're hurt.

-Tsubaki will notice if you're hurt or in danger. Good thing Black Star listens to her, you would have probably ended up in a hospital a few more times than necessary.

-Today however, Black Star was not be careful or considerate. It's no surprise certain things can go to his head and make him lose his sense of awareness.

-You were hit pretty bad and not in the best condition, your partner was too. You both were telling Black Star to get out of battle and retreat.

-He didn't hear you or your partner's pleas. Tsubaki was doing her best to get him out of combat. She could just turn out of her weapon form but that would most likely hurt the both of them.

-You were starting to lose consciousness due to blood loss. Your partner pulled you out of the battle to try and get you medical attention, leaving Black Star and Tsubaki by themselves.

-It wasn't till the battle was over he noticed you two left. He last saw you being carried into an ambulance while a wave of guilt rushed over him.

-Once he found your hospital room both Tsubaki and your partner gave him a VERY stern talking to before letting him in the room.

-He stayed with you till your conscious can back. Once that happened he was all over you in apologizes and hugs.

Death the Kid

-I'm not even joking it was most likely his obsession with symmetry that got you hurt.😑

-Out of all of these characters, Kid is probably one of the best in combat. He cares for his teammates, his partners, and his surroundings.

-That is until symmetry gets in the way.

-His OCD brain locks onto anything that's perfect or imperfect. Everyone knows it's not his fault for this, and you can usually knock him on the back of the head to snap him out of it.

-It was in the middle of combat, you all underestimated how difficult the mission was.

-Kid was hyper focused during this, till he noticed our of order the building was. The support beams were leaning, the wall wad cracked on one side. The building was in ruins, you both knew this.

-But Kid chose to go on this mission because you wanted someone else there with you.

-He was now, of course, stamping his foot into the ground complaining. Liz and Patty were trying to gain his attention, so they didn't even see the hit your opponent was about to give.

-You came and pushed him out of the way, saving him, Liz, and Patty. But you were hurt, severely.

-Him getting pushed pulled his focus away from from the building and back to the battle. He trusted your partner take care of you while he handled the situation.

-When the fight was finished, he carried you out in search of medical help.

-He apologized for being foolish and letting his obsession get in the way.

[delicatestones]

Rereading Worm for my purposes and the early sections are giving me unexpected emotions about, of all things, the dynamic between Brian and Alec.

They have such a quiet teen boy sort of back and forth, is the thing. Like, yes, Brian finds Alec profoundly annoying, Alec is being profoundly annoying on purpose - but one of our earliest examples of Alec laughing is when he trips Brian and Brian goes across the room to put him into a headlock and starts punching him in the shoulder.

Insinuation 2.9

With Brian gone and Lisa absorbed in trying to patch up Bitch’s ear, I was left with Alec.  To make conversation, I said, “Alec.  You were going to tell me what you do.  You go by Regent, right?” “The name is a long story, but what I do is this.”  He looked over his shoulder at Brian, who was returning from the washroom with a damp washcloth in hand.  Brian, mid-stride, stumbled and fell onto the floor. “Way to look good in front of the new girl, gimpy!” Alec mocked his teammate, laughing. Grateful for the break in the tension, I couldn’t help but laugh too.  While Alec continued laughing, Brian got to his feet and ran up to the smaller boy, at which point he got Alec in a headlock and began punching him in the shoulder repeatedly.  This abuse only made Alec laugh harder in between his cries of pain.

I mean, there's the casual ableism and Alec being a little shit at an inappropriate time, but it's also notable to me that Brian, the stiffest man-teen in the world, is still roughhousing with Alec instead of actually being angry. It's also a lot that Alec, given what we know about his relationship to touch, likes this. Getting a headlock from Brian probably feels the closest to a hug Alec gets, well. Ever.

Then there's the sparring moment before Taylor gets her first bout with Brian, where Alec wears basketball shorts (???), gets bored, and fucks off to play video games - but Brian still cares enough about Alec to want to teach him. He cares about Alec to the extent he goes 'easy on him' (read: just teaches him like you should teach people to fight), which Alec takes as a slight (slightly sarcastically, because it's Alec), but we learn not too long after that Brian's father's method of teaching him how to fight was basically just short of actively kicking the shit out of him. But Brian doesn't do that to Alec, or to Taylor.

Then later on, in Shell 4.4, Brian gets Taylor that dragonfly in amber for her room in the loft (Brian!! down bad for the bug girl), Taylor hugs him, and we get:

“Hey!” a voice from behind me startled the wits out of me, “No romance in the workplace!” I turned around to see Alec and Lisa standing in the hallway, grinning.  In Lisa’s case, grinning more than usual. I must have turned beet red.  “It’s not, no, I was just thanking him for-” “I know, dork.  I was with him when he bought it.”

And I'm entranced by the concept of Alec and Brian on their separate side shopping trip while Lisa and Taylor were having that Very Straight Shopping Date. Brian contemplating a giant Declaration of Paying Attention To The New Girl in this big open air marketplace while Alec stood there in his new Kid Win shirt laughing like a little cartoon hyena.

It just makes me rotate things in my brain at high speed about both of them.

(This is also good foreshadowing for what Aisha is going to be like when she comes onscreen because you can feel the Exhausted Big Brother rolling off Brian in waves.)

[papakhan]

A Khan’s death shroud. But rather than the white linen of the Followers, the Khans laid him to rest with his weapons. Shrouding the dead was something Luke had done many times at the Fort. It was a four-man job. To clean and dress the body. Luke imagined Jessup and McMurphy tucking a bottlecap into his cold palm, wrapping dead fingers around a knife that wasn't theirs. Kneeling to button his coat, like one might with a child on a cold night. He should have found it morbid. The thought of accomplices to his murder playing with his corpse like a doll after his death should have been grotesque. But he couldn’t help but feel cared for. Just the same for all the patients he had wrapped in white linen. The courier gig was supposed to be a break from the stress of emergency medicine. Luke Thorn is a man of science and healing, a man who knows the cold grip of death.

Hiii this is my latest fic and the First to star my courier. Jessup Companion Recruitment Fic!!

CW: Descriptions of death and deadly medical disease, medical procedures, blood and gore

Mirrored right here and on Toyhouse [6.6k words]

It was difficult to climb the rubble that was once Boulder City with hands raised and palms open, but when walking into an active hostage situation, one should not take any chances. Luke Thorn stumbled on the crumbling concrete and landed hard on his feet, the slap of his boots echoed through the broken buildings. A Khan with a hefty-looking automatic rifle shifted uneasily behind the twisted remains of an old-world bus stop. 

This was not a subject on the Follower’s Emergency Medical Training Programme, which Luke was starting to believe was an oversight. The Khan had her gun trained on him and watched him. Luke cleared his throat, unsure of what to say. ‘Hello’ felt redundant, but what else was there to say? ‘Good morning are you the fine fellows holding some soldiers hostage who may or may not have also shot me in the head some weeks back?’ Don’t be ridiculous. 

Luke licked his lips. The Khan had an eyepatch, something that should have made her distinctive. Still, she didn’t look especially familiar… but nobody did these days. As it turned out, taking a couple of bullets to the brain scrambled a few senses. But not so bad that Luke couldn’t see that the Khan was growing nervous. And nervous raiders with heavy weaponry only increased his chances of being shot. 

“Uh-- Hi!” Luke said, his voice pitching with his own apprehension, “Can I talk to the guy in charge, please?”

The Khan squinted at him, “Who are you?”

“Luke Thorn, EMT. I’m a Follower of the Apocalypse,” Used to be, at least. 

The Khan glanced away and towards a nearby building. If Luke had to guess, she was exchanging quiet words with another Khan. And if she was so confident to look away, there must be another Khan with a gun trained on him somewhere unseen. Comforting. 

“Come closer,” She said, eyes on him again, “Keep your hands up.”

Luke picked a careful path through the rubble. He eyed the buildings, looking for more Khans. One in the doorway, two on the roof, and another two further in the building. The last pair weren’t paying attention to him, they watched someone else. Hostages, if Luke had to guess. 

Bus-stop-Khan rose to her feet, her gun still pointed at Luke’s chest. She tossed her head in a direction and Luke walked in it, towards the only building still mostly intact. Inside was lit with dim lanterns burning oil. Years ago, this place was probably a shop, but now all that was left were countertops and bare shelves. Glass crunched under Luke’s boots as he was ushered inside. Behind the counter, a dirty curtain separated the once shop from what Luke could only assume were the storage rooms. It looked like the place had been hit with a bomb, and as far as Luke knew, it had been.  

“Jessup,” The Khan hissed into the dim, “We got a Follower here.” 

The tense stillness Luke had become accustomed to shattered. Someone groped at the curtains and whipped them away. Jessup, the man who stumbled out was all limbs, tall and trim, with pale freckled skin and bright ginger hair. He stared at Luke with the wide eyes of a wild animal. There were dark rings under those eyes, and what had once been a mohawk had particularly collapsed, some of it laying slick against Jessup’s forehead. An old instinct whispered to Luke, telling him to run. He ignored it. 

“What the fuck,” Jessup croaked, “You’re that courier…”

Ah. 

“Were you the one who shot me?” 

Jessup scrunched up his face and his lips parted in a sneer, revealing crooked white teeth, “I didn’t shoot you. That was that snake, Benny.”

Benny. That was the name Manny had mentioned. 

“Listen it’s-- fine. I don’t have a thing for faces anymore, just wanted to check I wasn’t talking to my murderer. Just-- an accomplice.”  

Jessup had a difficult face to read, or maybe that was just the head injury. His lips formed a thin line as he squinted at Luke across the room.

“I didn’t know you were a Follower,” He said, "Wouldn't of taken the job if I did."

The Followers and Khans were friends once. Luke had not been part of the medics sent to train the raiders in advance first aid and minor surgery. Too many emergency cases back at the Fort. But he knew Ezekiel, the man in charge of the relief efforts. Ezekiel had been most understanding of Luke's departure from the Followers. As enthusiastic as Ezekiel was about his job, even he felt the NCR's stranglehold on the region was beginning to impact their work. 

"I don't wear the coat these days," Luke muttered, "Let's forget about it for now. I want to help you guys out of here." 

“NCR knows our terms,” Jessup growled, “Look, I got a guy hurt back here. If he doesn’t get help he’ll die. What else am I supposed to do?”

“I’ll help him,” Luke felt the words come from his mouth before he could stop them.

There was a glassy shine to Jessup’s hazelnut eyes, Luke could see that even in the dim light of the broken room. He blinked rapidly and pursed his lips tight. Looked at Luke then looked away. Luke knew the feeling well. Knew it every day he worked in Old Mormon Fort. Stressed. Overwhelmed. About to break. 

“It’ll be okay,” Luke said, his hands still by his head, “I’ll help you.”

Finding a vein on the other Khan’s arm was as easy as breathing. McMurphy, the injured Khan, was a young man, strong. Good arms and good veins. Even in the dim light, Luke could feel where he was meant to go. Back in the Fort, he’d have another with him, a nurse or EMT, someone else to prepare the drugs. But he didn’t have that luxury here, just one anxious and suspicious raider hovering beside him. Luke slid the needle into McMurphy’s arm. 

He ran through medical checks in his mind. Airways, breathing, circulation. The first two were fine, the third. He’d been shot in the abdomen, close range. Jessup said the bullet came out the other side. They’d dressed the wound well and Luke didn’t dare disturb the white gauze. Could be anything. A high heart rate and low blood pressure indicated internal bleeding. Haemorrhage at best, perforated bowel at worst. At least with a haemorrhage, he could do something. And if he couldn’t the death would be quick, merciful, like falling asleep. Especially with the morphine the Khans had already given McMurphy. A perforated bowel though? Death by sepsis. A slow killer. Faeces would leak into the body, contaminating other organs. The mind would give way to infection, boil the body alive trying to fight it. Luke had seen it before, smelt the death of it. He dressed the cannula and reached for his bag. 

He had an IV bag of fluid meant for someone else. Julie would understand. Why are you doing this? He connected the line and held it to Jessup. 

“Hold this above your head,” Luke said.

Jessup did as he was told, looking for all the world like he had surrendered. Hands by his head, fear in his eyes. Luke caught him glance up at the bag, squint at the words on it. But he didn’t question. Didn’t fight. He watched the drip, drip, drip of the IV. 

“It’ll make your arm feel cold,” Luke warned a barely conscious McMurphy. He was going through the motions, a dance he’d done a hundred times before. Head injury or not, some things you did not forget. 

Luke rummaged in his bag again. Say it was a perforation. A cover of antibiotics wouldn’t save him, but it’d give them time. Time for what exactly? Luke didn’t think that far ahead. The man deserved a chance. All of them did. Luke’s fingers curled around a cold vial of powdered antibiotics. Why are you doing this?

“Has he had penicillin before?” Luke didn’t expect an answer.

“What?” Jessup asked, then shook his head, “I mean, yeah. I think. He broke his leg when we were kids, n’ the bone poked out his skin. They gave him some shit. Penicillin, I think.” 

Of course, the Khans and their drugs. Penicillin was simple enough to synthesise. It was an equal shot that this vial could be from Red Rock or Boneyard. Just the same as the morphine syringes littered on the floor. Luke shook his head. He tried not to think about how Jessup and McMurphy knew each other from childhood. 

“Right, good, because I don’t have anything else.” That was bad practice. Lots of people were allergic to penicillin. But what could you do?

 Luke mixed the penicillin with saline and shook the syringe. A yellowish goop formed inside as it sloshed and rolled. He pinched the IV line and pushed in his antibiotics. Give it slow, is what the textbooks said. Give it fast, screamed the world. 

“Why are you doing this?”

A question Luke thought he’d heard before. He frowned, “Do you want me to stop?” 

“No,” Jessup said, quick like he was afraid Luke would vanish into thin air, “No, I just-- Don’t get it.”

Luke didn’t have an answer, not a real one. Not one that made sense. Why? Because a long time ago Luke learnt that life was precious. Because no one deserved to die like this. Because he hated the NCR. Because this was the only way the Khans would accept their terms. He gave the answer he thought most acceptable, “I’m a Follower.”

Jessup wrinkled his nose and his grip on the IV bag wavered, “Followers left us to rot before now, that ain’t it.” 

Penicillin was best given over four minutes while watching carefully for any adverse reactions. Not that Luke had any adrenaline for an allergic reaction.

“I can’t leave when folks are hurting,” Luke said, watching McMurphy’s breathing, “Can’t ever turn my back. It’s why I left them.” 

“Left who?” 

Luke glanced at Jessup and knew that he knew. Jessup’s lips pressed into a line again. His eyes looked like glass marbles. Shiny and smooth. He was wary. Of course he was. Luke felt like he had no control over his mouth. He’d always bickered, always kicked back before. But never talked himself in circles like this before. He decided it best to answer the unasked question.

“I left because-- I couldn’t take it anymore. The stress got to me. But I know what I’m doing.” 

Jessup was quiet. He watched McMurphy. The steady rise and fall of his chest. Luke could talk himself into believing that breathing was steadying. That IV fluids and antibiotics would save a life that night. But fate was never so kind. Luke eyed the bandages poking out under McMurphy’s leathers, blood kissed through the layers of off-white. 

“We buried you like a Khan, you know,” Jessup said. 

Luke shuddered. What was the saying? Like someone walked over his grave? His eyes trailed from McMurphy to Jessup. Those eyes were on him again, shiny and wet. Luke looked away and watched his antibiotics. 

“How so?” He asked.

“Knife in your hand, gun on your hip, caps in your pocket and one in your palm. We untied you too. And I buttoned your coat,” Jessup’s voice sounded dreamlike as if recounting hazy memories. He huffed a humourless laugh, “It’s so you have shit with you in case you come back.”

Luke’s frown only deepened, “Do your dead do that often?”

“Once. It was an old story.”

A Khan’s death shroud. But rather than the white linen of the Followers, the Khans laid him to rest with his weapons. Shrouding the dead was something Luke had done many times at the Fort. It was a four-man job. To clean and dress the body. Luke imagined Jessup and McMurphy tucking a bottlecap into his cold palm, wrapping dead fingers around a knife that wasn't theirs. Kneeling to button his coat, like one might with a child on a cold night. He should have found it morbid. The thought of accomplices to his murder playing with his corpse like a doll after his death should have been grotesque. But he couldn’t help but feel cared for. Just the same for all the patients he had wrapped in white linen. Even those who came to the Fort with no one, those who died with Luke as their only company. He couldn’t help but feel warm hands on his cold skin. Feel the attention and care of the Khans who thought of their stories and prepared him for the cold earth like he was one of them. 

“We should have just scared you. That’s what I wanted to do, what I told Benny to do. Rob you, scare you, let you go. But Benny wanted you dead. Called you a loose end. Should have known he’d think we were loose ends too.” 

Luke didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. Nothing sensible. Nothing that made sense. He pushed through the rest of the antibiotics and unpinched the IV line. The fluid dripped through again. 

“That’s all I can do for now.”

Jessup chewed his lip. 

"So what happens now? Is he gonna live?" 

Probably not. 

Luke sucked on his teeth, "He'll still need a clinic, at least. Even just to stabilise him before Old Mormon Fort-- or Red Rock." 

"There was a doctor in Novac," Jessup said. 

Novac was a lot closer than any Follower outposts Luke knew off-hand. In theory, it was the best idea. But if Ada Stratus had been a doctor anywhere Luke had worked, he probably would have strangled her. Medical know-how was only half the story, but no one should trust a doctor who couldn't respect her patients. If they took McMurphy to her, Luke would probably find himself performing surgery on Manny Vargas' kitchen table. 

Surgery was a bad idea at this stage. If it wasn't a perforation, cutting into him would only risk more bleeding. And with Ada Stratus at the helm, probably a risk of her slicing into his bowel. Luke looked down at McMurphy's dressing. IV fluids could bulk out blood lost from a haemorrhage, but they were no replacement for a blood transfusion. Luke couldn't see himself trusting any blood products from Ada either. He would have to go with them to keep the so-called doctor from doing anything dangerous.

"You guys know your blood types?" 

Jessup peeled back McMurphy's jacket. There were off-white patches stitched to the inside, each scrawled with seemingly random information. A date, some map coordinates, and some words Luke didn't recognise. One square of fabric proudly read "AB+". Luke thanked whichever Follower doctor or medic had the patience to teach the Khans drugs and medicine. 

"Think it's that," Jessup said sheepishly, tapping the square. He pulled back his own jacket and read what Luke assumed was his own stitched patch, "Mine ain't the same." 

"Doesn't matter, your friend is a universal receiver. He can have any blood." 

"Great, he can have mine," Jessup looked hopeful, half a smile on his face, "Let's do it now."

"Let's get out of a hostage situation first," Luke said. 

Jessup's face fell and his eyes darted around, remembering himself. 

"I ain't surrendering, Murph' needs help and that soldier will let him die." 

"He needs to get out of this building, soldier or not," Staying here was a death sentence, but giving up your only bargaining chip probably felt like one too, "I helped you now you help me. Let me take the hostages and I'll negotiate with the NCR." 

Trust me, please. Don't make this any harder. 

Jessup's mouth formed that thin line again. His fingers drummed on the IV bag. Luke watched him consider it, weigh up his options. His pink tongue licked his chapped lips. He watched McMurphy's breathing. Please. 

"All right, take the hostages," Jessup hissed through his teeth. His brown eyes looked hard at Luke, "You better make sure NCR keeps their end of the deal, though."

If they didn't, those fluids and antibiotics would have gone to waste, Luke thought but did not speak. 

*

“I repeat. All troops, stand down,” Lieutenant Monroe’s voice crackled through the radio one of the troopers wore as Luke passed by them again, “Let the Khans pass with the Follower.”

The troops grumbled and glared out from under their helmets but they held their guns loose, just waiting for an excuse to draw them. At least they were obedient. Monroe had been more reasonable than Luke had expected, but at the same time all too quick to dismiss the Khan's situation. Sometimes it’s better to call a win a win and Luke was grateful Monroe understood that. 

McMurphy was in no state to walk-- or really even be upright-- but right now Luke and the Khans did not possess the luxury of choice. He was awake enough to keep his head up. But whether from the morphine or the blood loss, not awake enough to keep his legs moving. Luke, with IV bag in hand, trotted beside Jessup and bus-stop-Khan, who Luke found was called Destiny, who half carried, half dragged McMurphy through the rubble. 

Half of all bowel perforations end in death, even with treatment. Luke had been taught long ago that if someone was to die, they should be made comfortable, not dragged halfway across the wasteland. Even if it wasn’t a perforation, all this movement could dislodge the clots holding in blood, and he could haemorrhage again. Luke hadn’t thought of that before insisting they move. But he couldn’t turn his back. Part of him always fought. Always hoped. 

Novac was a three-hour walk but a half-hour drive. The Khans had their motorbikes, the things they were famed for. The how and why of their ability to outpace Luke and his delivery of the platinum chip. According to Jessup, they were hidden just before the 188.

“Benny said he wanted to walk from there, be less conspicuous, he said,” Jessup huffed, spitting every symbol of conspicuous, “Didn’t get why. Now I know. Was so he could shoot McMurphy and run without us catching him.”

“He’s fast?” Luke asked.

“Didn’t need to be,” Jessup said, adjusting McMurphy’s arm around his shoulders as they walked, “He fired at those soldiers and ran at them like he was running from us. Like we’d fired at them.”

Luke did not want to admit Benny was smart but even he had to admit there was some serious forethought in that move. Conniving might be a better word. It seemed he was a little too reliant on the killing power of a 9mm pistol. Seemed to have a little too many enemies left alive.

Not that Luke felt like Benny’s enemy. He couldn’t even remember his face. But he had to find him. Even if it was just to ask him ‘why?’. Why was his life so meaningless? So easy to throw away? Why did so many have to die for some fancy old-world collectable? And then maybe he’d shake him. Or slap him. Or kill him. Luke did not enjoy the thought but it crept into his mind regardless.

“Bet he’s back at the Strip by now, laughing at me,” Jessup growled.

Being left unable to recognise Benny was a significant disadvantage, no matter what Luke planned on doing with him when they finally crossed paths again. If Benny recognised him, there was no telling what he’d do. Having someone around who knew his face, knew not to trust him, would be helpful.

“I’m going after Benny,” Luke said, eyeing Jessup for a reaction, “I’d appreciate the company.”

Jessup barely reacted at all, eyes hard and straight ahead, “One thing at a time. I ain’t losing another brother to that snake.”

Luke squeezed the last of the fluid through the IV line, trying not to feel the fool for being spurned, “Alright, that’s fair enough. I’ll stick with you till he’s stable but after that…”

“We’ll talk,” Jessup said, “Revenge can always wait.”

The rest of Jessup’s crew crowded up ahead in the shade of a burnt-out old world building. Luke counted six all together, including Jessup, McMurphy and Destiny. They hauled their motorbikes out from under covers and sheets of metal and other impromptu hiding places. Luke was relieved to spot one of the bikes had a sidecar. 

“If the NCR found these, they’d confiscate them.” One of the Khans said to Luke, as they together shuffled McMurphy into the sidecar, “Weapons of war, they call them.”

It was a sentiment Luke could understand. The 80s ruled Utah with these machines for a reason. Luke knew very well. He’d personally felt the fear the Khans evoked by chasing down targets.

Like the NCR’s vertibirds or power armour. It didn’t justify confiscating them, but Luke could understand why. 

“How you holding up, ‘Murph?” Jessup asked.

McMurphy adjusted his position, trying to get comfortable, and his arms shook with the effort. Luke winced. A sheen of sweat on McMurphy’s skin shone under the sun. He didn’t look well. But he was awake, at least. 

“What’s going on?” McMurphy managed, his voice small and hollow. Luke hoped he was just confused from drifting in and out of consciousness, and not the start of a septic infection. 

“We’re going back to Novac,” Jessup threw a long leg over the bike’s leather saddle and pounded his foot against the kickstart. The motorbike roared to life and Luke felt the rumble deep in his chest.

And just like that, he was back. Back to that night. Luke had just spotted the humble glow of Goodsprings in the distance when he heard that rumble in the dark. The distant growl of engines creeping closer. He’d panicked. He’d run. But running from a machine like that was always futile. Easier to outrun a charging bull. The slap of his boots on the ground was drowned out by the roaring engines of the Khans bike. Then it was the cemetery. And then…

“Hey doctor guy, you with us?” 

Jessup stared at him from behind the handlebars. Luke blinked. He had half a kind to correct him. Tell Jessup and the other Khans that he wasn't a doctor, that he was more like a glorified paramedic or emergency nurse. But he knew that was no comfort. No reason make these people doubt him. Especially considering what they'd already done to him. 

But Luke thought of his grave again. His death shroud. He chewed his lip. 

Luke had never ridden a motorbike before. He’d straddled a horse before and had sat in the back of a jeep once. This felt like a blend of the two. The engine shuddered into his thighs as the machine roared beneath him. The Mojave whipped past with the wind as they flew across the baked earth, he and Destiny. Luke squinted hard into the sharp winds, wishing he’d pulled the goggles out of his bag to better enjoy the view. Though he wasn’t sure if ‘enjoy’ would be the right word. He held onto Destiny even though she had told him not to. But what else was there to hold onto? Luke tried at least to be tasteful and hold onto her jacket rather by his fingers than wrap his hands around her waist. 

It was a rush he'd never felt before. No sound but the wind. No smell but the air. Nothing to see except the blur of yellow orange earth and blue sky all around. And it was over before Luke had time to process it. 

The air he’d felt on the bike couldn’t have been more different than the air caught inside Manny Vargas’ apartment. Hot and suffocating. It fell on Luke like a blanket the second he’d stepped inside. The fan spinning lazily overhead did nothing to alleviate any of the five people inside. Luke felt the sticky warmth of his sweat-soaked shirt begin to stick to his back.

Manny Vargas had spotted them through his scope. Heard them too most likely. Luke watched the way Manny fumbled with his keys in panic, tossing the door open and ushering them all inside. He had insisted on McMurphy taking his bed, tried to comfort him with fluttering, loving hands while Jessup ran for the doctor. Like with Jessup and McMurphy sharing a childhood, Luke tried not to think about the way Manny had cupped McMurphy's face. Luke politely ignored the tears Manny scrubbed from his eyes. These men were close. All of them.

When the doctor arrived, Manny ushered most of the Khans outside. Left Luke alone with McMurphy, Jessup, and Doctor Straus' entourage.

“I mean Jesus, he looks half dead,” Ada Straus said, “This is gonna be expensive, you know that, right?”

Of course, the conversation did nothing to make Luke sweat any less. Jessup sat beside McMurphy, sprawled out in Manny’s bed, “How much?” 

“One hundred caps, at least.” 

“You haven’t even looked at him,” Luke hissed.

“I’m looking at him right now!” Ada threw her hands out, “It’s gonna be a lot of work! And a lot of my supplies!”

“As I’ve already explained: he’s been shot, he’s cannulated, and he’s had fluids, antibiotics and analgesia. He is of a universal blood group and we have one willing blood donor,” Luke explained, rapidly losing patience, “That’s at least half of what you’d be using.”

“Yeah, that hundred caps was a discount! I was gonna charge you two hundred!”

Luke rolled his eyes so hard his head hurt. Ada’s two guards shifted uncomfortably in the small room. While Manny had insisted that the other Khans give everyone some space, the room was still cramped with furniture and spare mattresses. The heat was starting to get to all of them.

“Just-- look at the wound and tell me if he needs surgery or not.” If the answer was ‘yes’ Luke would encourage the Khans to take McMurphy elsewhere for the procedure. 

Ada folded her arms across her chest, “Second opinions cost seventy-five caps.”

“Are you serious?” Luke snapped.

“You better stop fucking with us, lady,” Jessup spoke through gritted teeth. 

Luke watched Ada’s guards exchange a wary look behind her back. The younger of the two looked no older than twenty. His scruffy facial hair and pockmarked skin fought valiantly to make him look older, but it was clear to Luke that he was a teenager. The other guard could have been four times the boy’s age. Old but skilled, Luke did not doubt that between the two of them, they could protect Ada well against whatever got past Manny’s sniper scope. But here in this room, they were on edge. Luke could see that. And it didn’t take him long to realise why. Luke’s eyes trailed from them to Jessup, hunched over the bed like a coiled snake, glaring out at Ada from under a scowl. 

Ada was undeterred, “I’m not fucking with you. Frankly, you two are fucking with me! I’ve gotta make a living here.”

Luke glanced at Jessup. There was a gun strapped to his thigh, some shotgun-type thing, and another thrown over his back. His hand was a fist on the bed. Fighting Ada would be pointless. It would destroy Manny Vargas’ reputation, for one, and if Jessup killed her, it would mean the town would lose its one medical provider. No matter how deplorable Luke believed her to be, stripping the town of the one person who could treat radiation sickness and seemingly supplied the med-x would be a bad idea. 

“Now let’s all just-- calm down,” Luke attempted his best Julie Farkas impression, raising his hands passively.

Ada huffed through her nose. Jessup did not move. The guards didn’t either.

“I’ll give you the caps just please--”

“You ain’t giving her shit,” Jessup was on his feet and across the room in less than a second. 

The young guard raised his gun in warning. Jessup smacked the pistol from his hands. A shot fired harmlessly into Manny’s carpet. Jessup loomed over Ada as her guards backed into the door. The older guard held his arm protectively in front of the younger.

Jessup had been sat down so long Luke had forgotten how tall he was. How his spiked hair only made him look bigger. Luke bit the inside of his cheek as he stood, heart in his throat, unsure of what to do or say to de-escalate things.

“You guys alright in there?” Manny’s voice drifted from outside, alerted by the gunfire. 

“Fine,” Jessup said.

He leaned down to Ada until his face was inches from hers and growled. 

“If he dies because you didn’t do shit, I’m gonna kill you.” 

Luke believed it. He didn't want Ada dead but he believed Jessup. He would kill her. 

Ada gaped at him. Luke could see her mind working. Watched her squirm under the Khan's gaze. She glanced in the direction of her guards. Back at Jessup. Worked her mouth but made no sound. Evidently, the guards were not paid enough to mess with Khans. 

"Jesus Christ, fine!" Ada said, "I'll take a look."

Luke chewed his lip as Jessup stepped aside, a silent order for Ada to move. She shot a glare at Luke that he barely registered. Then she approached McMurphy on the bed. Jessup followed, stalking behind with a hand on his shotgun. Ada gingerly raised her hands, flexed her fingers and reached for McMurphy's skin. Then she stopped herself, pulling back and digging in her bag. She produced a dusty pair of gloves and Luke remembered himself. 

"There's a sink," Luke said. 

Ada sighed. She shot a pointed look at Jessup, who swung his head towards Luke and then back to Ada. 

"Go on then, I ain't gonna shoot you."

Yet. Luke felt the silent threat. 

Ada washed her hands in Manny’s sink and Luke followed suit. Jessup loomed over Ada as she worked. 

“I’m gonna poke you,” She said to McMurphy, who squinted suspiciously back at her, “So don’t let your friend kill me.”

McMurphy was more awake than he had been earlier, perhaps from the morphine wearing off. He lifted his arm and peeled back his jacket, presenting the bloody gauze to her.

Ada prodded at McMurphy’s skin, pushing from the wound at first and then moving closer to it. McMurphy groaned when she pressed close to his wound. Luke knew what she was doing. Feeling for swelling, distended abdomens filled with blood or the contents of one’s intestines could be felt from the outside. As she worked, Luke felt compelled to do something too. He pulled his manual blood pressure kit from his bag and started performing his vital signs. He wrapped the cuff around McMurphy’s arm and hooked the stethoscope into his ears before pumping the cuff full of air and taking his measurements. McMurphy’s blood pressure was higher than before, so the fluids had done their job at least for now. His heart rate still ran high, but small steps.

“How are you feeling, McMurphy?” Luke asked.

“Like shit,” McMurphy answered.

More aware of himself than he had been before, in Luke’s medical opinion. He felt that he could safely rule out any shock-induced confusion for the time being. Ada poked around some more before peeling carefully back the blood-stained dressing. Luke held his breath, waiting for blood to start gushing. But to his relief, the wound did nothing more than ooze a sticky deep red of half-congealed blood. Ada raised the gauze to her face and inspected it, then lowered her head to the wound. 

“I don’t think it’s a perf.” She said, leaning away to dig through her bag. 

“How so?” 

“Doesn’t smell like shit.” 

Luke had to admit, he hadn’t considered that line of thinking before. He wasn’t entirely sure it was accurate, but it made sense in the moment. 

“That’s good?” McMurphy asked, staring at the ceiling. 

“It’s one thing. The bullet could have hit something else. A kidney, an artery, maybe even the spleen if yours is in a weird place.”

Kidneys and spleens hadn’t been on Luke’s mind either. He chewed his lip. 

Ada produced a penlight from her bag and shone it above McMurphy’s wound, “What kinda peashooter was this?” 

“9mm.” Jessup groused.

Ada dabbed at the blood by the bullet wound and McMurphy hissed through his teeth and batted her away. Ada tutted. 

“Would you just man up, please?” 

Luke jumped in before Ada could say anything else she might regret, “Don’t you have any local?”

Ada stared at him, eyebrows furrowed, “Local what?”

Luke stared back at her incredulously, “Local anaesthetic?” 

“Oh. For an examination?”

It was going to be a long night.

*

A full course of antibiotics; some stitches or staples; tranexamic acid; some kind of scan; and possible surgery. Dr Ada Strauss’ prognosis and recommendations were equal parts helpful and unhelpful. Luke was just grateful that she didn’t further anger the Khans by asking for payment. She had more antibiotics and some tranexamic acid, which Manny Vargas paid for. But McMurphy still needed a clinic. Not Luke and not Ada. A real doctor and a real clinic. The Followers were their only choice.

And of course, the Khans did it without question. Luke had to admire the commitment to their kin, if nothing else. 

At this point, Luke felt it was his duty to see it all through. Though he desperately did not want to visit the Old Mormon Fort. The New Vegas Medical Clinic was closer, anyhow. 

They’d arrived before sundown, their path illuminated by the fire-orange sky. Doctor Usanagi needed no prompting before getting to work. Questions of payment were answered with a handwave and “we’ll figure it out later.”

Now the sun had set and the sky was alight once more with the glow of Vegas’ city. An artificial, glaring light that cast harsh shadows all around. The stars up above struggled to gain purchase against the unwavering neon city.

McMurphy had been in the theatre for an hour by the time Luke found Jessup. Shrouded by the dark of night, he sat cross-legged on the roof of the clinic, a squashed cigarette pressed between his lips. White smoke curled from his mouth and floated up to the sky as Jessup picked at his leather boots with the tip of his knife. 

“I shoulda listened to you,” Jessup called down from the roof, and it took Luke a moment to realise he was the one being spoken to, “About that Novac doctor.”

“Oh,” Luke said. What else could he say? ‘Told you so’ hardly felt prudent, “Hey, we’re here now, right? That’s what matters.”

Jessup snorted. 

There was no response save for the gentle ‘tink’ of Jessup’s knife as he picked a stone from the sole of his boot. Luke waited before he realised Jessup was done talking. He stuffed his hands in his pocket, trying to think of something comforting to tack on.

“Doctor Usanagi is a great doctor. I used to work with her.”

“Still don’t get why you’re doing this.”

Luke wasn’t any closer to the answer himself. He shrugged his shoulders, “It’s the right thing to do.”

Jessup unfurled himself, plucking the cigarette from his lips and letting his long legs hang over the roof of the clinic. In the pale moonlight, Jessup’s thin face appeared all the more gaunt. Like a ghost of a man. The hours of stress had not been kind to the man. He squinted down at Luke, nose wrinkled.

“So why you going after Benny?” Jessup asked, “You care so much about doing the right thing, whatever that means. If the right thing is helping ‘Murph n’ me, ain’t the right thing to do to let him go?”

“That’s different.”

“How?” 

It just is. “I just want to know why he did it.”

Jessup studied Luke from his perch. His face ever unreadable.

“It was ‘cause you had the package. Don’t think it was personal.”

Luke knew he was only trying to be helpful, but Jessup’s assessment of the situation only tied knots in Luke’s stomach. But why? But why?

“But why!? For some kitschy poker chip? It doesn’t make sense. I just…” Luke sighed, deflated, “I don’t know.”

Jessup sucked on his teeth and brought one knee up to his chest, propping his arm up on it. He wasn’t very good at sitting still, “Who were you delivering to?”

Luke had read the receipt so many times he had it memorised, “I was supposed to meet someone at the entrance to The Strip. I don’t know who, just some ‘agent’ at the checkpoint.”

“Makes sense he’d want you gone in Goodsprings, then,” Jessup said, “‘Murph figured Benny stole that chip from his boss.”

“His… boss? Wait, who is Benny?”

“He’s some big shot on the Strip, part of the Chairmen,” Jessup waved a hand dismissively, sending ash from his cigarette fluttering to the ground, “‘Murph said he must be stealing from his boss, otherwise, he’d of robbed you in Freeside. Wanted to be so far away no one could snitch.”

Luke didn’t frequent the Strip, only Freeside. He wasn’t familiar with the gangs who ran it. ‘Chairmen’ meant nothing to him. Jessup continued. 

“Chairmen used to be like us, like Khans. Last I heard they were run by a guy named Bingo. Heard someone killed him though, dunno who's in charge anymore.”

Luke scrubbed his stubbly face, the unshaved hairs biting into his palms. This was becoming more and more complex. Benny was somebody important. Somebody near inaccessible. Both physically by the wall that separated the Strip from the rest of the world, and by status. But the need for answers burned in his chest. And this conversation wasn’t helping any. What Luke needed was a plan. Something to focus on, now that McMurphy was out of his hands.

“What if we tell Benny’s boss?”

Jessup’s laugh came like a hiss of air through grinning teeth.

“We? Are you asking a Khan to snitch?”

When you put it like that… Luke faltered, bunching his hands into fists, “How else would we-- would I catch him?”

“Find ‘im, bust his head. Simple.”

“I don’t do faces anymore, remember?” Luke shook his head, “An-- and he’s on the Strip. You said he’s important. I doubt w-- I could just walk up to him like that.” 

Jessup sucked on the last glowing embers of his cigarette. He blow out smoke and stared at the ground. Then at the roof and then at the sky, pouting all the while like a petulant child.

It was then Luke was struck by how young Jessup looked. Not a young man by any means, not nearly as young as Ada’s guard, but not the grizzled mercenary-raider type of Khan plastered on NCR wanted posters back West. Sketches that depicted their horned helmets as if the horns were part of their skull.

“Squealing to one suit ‘bout another,” Jessup scrunched up his nose, “Benny gets disappeared and another suit takes his place. Not the type of revenge I’d want.”

That pricked Luke’s ears just enough, “So you do want revenge.”

“Never said I didn’t,” Jessup said, “I just wanna know if I’m gonna get your knife in my back.”

Luke thought of his burial. His death shroud. 

“I wouldn’t.” 

Jessup hummed as he took one last drag of his cigarette and ground it out on the roof., “No, I don’t think you would.”

“Does that mean you’re coming with me?”

“I gotta focus on ‘Murph now. But I’ll find you in Freeside. Here--” 

Jessup produced a square of silver from inside his jacket. It glinted in the moonlight. He tossed it down to Luke in a carefully telegraphed motion. To his own surprise, Luke caught the hunk of metal, warmed by the heat of Jessup’s body. A lighter.

“It’s Benny’s. Shove it up his ass if you catch him before me.”

[markantonys]

Was talking with a moot and they were saying how they don't feel like the show is doing a good job of explaining the lore. How right now we don't know what being the Dragon actually means, what ta'veren are, what the Dark One even is, what does he want, why does the Dragon fight him, how all of these mythologies are built into the worldbuilding in the books but aren't as clear in the show/feels disconnected. Idk I feel like the show is just introducing these things at a slower pace than the books did and that's not necessarily a bad thing

i just don't get these arguments because most of these lore points literally have been explained in the show???? do these book fans just miss it when lore is incorporated via natural dialogue or via Showing Not Telling instead of via somebody sitting us down to do an infodumping monologue for 5 minutes? i swear to god so many readers just don't pay attention to the show and then whine that it's missing stuff it did in fact include.

dragon stuff: this has been abundantly explained in both seasons, meanwhile in the books the concept of TDR wasn't even introduced until book 2. we will get more specifics at the same time rand does in upcoming seasons, just like in the books. at this early stage we don't need to know any more than "the dragon is a chosen one figure whose purpose is to fight the dark one and lead the last battle."

what the dark one is: a bad guy (duh) but otherwise left intentionally vague to build up mystery, just like the books did. we don't have the slightest conception of what TDO actually is until his first onscreen "appearance" in book SIX.

what does he want: to break the wheel and end existence. ishy's literal entire season 2 storyline was about this, and it went into way more detail than books 1-3 did. i'm not sure we got much of this stuff in the books until moridin came on the scene.

ta'veren is the only one i'd agree the show hasn't gone into much (though it DID explain the concept in 1x08), but, again, do we need to know that much about it right now? we know that our EF5 are Special, and that's enough if you ask me.

(i also wonder if the show might go a bit lighter on ta'veren than the books. idk, some of the stronger Main Character Energy stuff like plot armor and convenient coincidences and people blurting out secrets around them might come off a bit silly, and as for the stuff relating to the pattern controlling ta'veren's paths, it's interesting but it's pretty deep lore and the story doesn't really change whether or not we're explicitly aware that the events that happen to our gang are predestined. like, we'll obviously get plenty of predestination stuff with rand's dragon prophecies and min's viewings and likely the finn, so how necessary is it to also go into great detail on ta'veren predestination?)

having watched both seasons with my show-only non-fantasy-literate mom, i can attest that there is SO MUCH information for newcomers to wrap their heads around and i think her brain would have exploded if these seasons had tried to squeeze in any more than they did. she made me take down notes she could review between episodes! you should've seen her poor eyes glazing over at all the lore & worldbuilding stuff getting thrown at her in 2x05! this also goes for stuff like the whining about the show not yet using the words saidar & saidin - if they'd been throwing those around constantly since day 1, my mom would've had no fucking clue what they were talking about because she really struggles with remembering fantasy jargon, whereas consistently referring to it as "the male/female half of the source" in these early seasons is way more intuitive and way more effective at teaching her how this magic system works.

at the end of the day, the show simply is not ever going to flesh out the lore and mythology as deeply as the books do due to limitations of this different medium, and people need to accept that. it will explain as much lore as is necessary to understand the story and not much more than that, and that's absolutely fine. show-onlys are understanding the story just fine with the information the show is choosing to include, and lore nerds can knock themselves out rereading the books anytime they want.

[seashelldom]

— TARDY ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Volume Three !

pairing: ao'nung x omaticaya na'vi fem!reader

genre: swearing?

synopsis: After you arrive at the Metkayina tribes, a certain someone happens to be interested in you? While taking swimming and breathing lessons your spirit grows closer to the ocean.. and to someone.

wc: 1.03k

a/n: enjoy !! extra fluff just how yall like it 😻

Ao'nung was taken aback by my comment. All of them suddenly backed off, and Ao'nung realized I wasn't like my siblings, I would stick up for myself. He saw me in a new aura and as we were leaving I saw his flustered face and bloodshot-red ears. I snickered loudly so that he would hear and said, "Cat got your tongue?". Then left with my siblings. "You're really something...", said Neteyam while smirking. "I know.", I replied because in fact I did know and I wasn't going to let some cute punk ruin my day. Wait. Cute? I don't know what's getting into me. I sighed loudly and then entered the marui. "It sure is different than the tents back home..", I muttered in an unpleasant voice. "Well, it's home now so make yourself comfortable.", Dad replied. From the rectangular opening on the ceiling and floor, the light would shine all around the marui like a caleidoscope. The island really was a sight, the ocean and homes, the locals, Ao'nung, the sand.. Wait. Ao'nung?? I really gotta stop. This kid was on my bad side. Bad. Side. What snapped me out of my thoughts was Tsireya. "It's time for your lessons ! Please join me, Rotxo, and Ao'nung on the beach!", she pridefully exclaimed. My ears perked up at the sound of his name. Neteyam definitely saw that. "This is gonna be fun..", I whispered foxily.

As we went to the beach to sit down and start the breathing lessons, I saw Rotxo nudging Ao'nung with his shoulder teasing him. I snickered and then sat down just like everyone else. We were doing some kind of breathing technique and I just blurted out dumbfoundedly, "I already know how to breathe, why are we learning this?" Tsireya was about to explain but then Ao'nung jumped at me with his words. "Not like that skxawng, you have to breathe from here." He suddenly placed his hands on my torso demonstrating how it was supposed to be done. I couldn't help but feel my heart racing once he set his hands on my stomach. My brain was set on how he was holding my body and I zoned out of what he was saying.

Shortly after, he moved closer, put one of his hands on my lower back, and said, "You have to have a good posture too when you're swimming and riding the ilu." His hands were cold but refreshing and a bit pruny because of all the water. The extra skin that was to help him swim, smoothly glided on my ribcage as he showed me some technique I wasn't even paying attention to. "Wanna show me again?", I said with a self-satisfied face and followed along with an obnoxiously attractive chuckle. Suddenly, he realized what he was doing in reality and quickly went back to his seat on the edge of the rock flustered. He wasn't even looking at me but his eyes were shooting hearts. It was cute at how flustered he could get after one sentence. Once we finished with the breathing lessons we went out to the ocean. I had always loved the ocean, at least from what I would see up from Ayram Alusìng ( aka. Hallelujah Mountains ) it was truly a sight. We went down to the water and started "swimming". We were basically just swinging our asses in the water but who's asking. Tsireya, Rotxo, and Ao'nung were pretty much a mile away when only two seconds in the water, they were professionals. And we were, eh. Then the three came up and Ao'nung said, "You're not good divers, maybe swinging through trees but-". He then shut up when Tsireya hit him on the back of his head. I giggled at the sight of that and he pouted, which made me giggle even more. I know he couldn't breathe when his sight was all fixed on me, he thinks I don't see it but I do. In the middle of our little romance, Neteyam was catching on to every little hint. After we got out of the water I was soaking wet. My loincloth was a bit wrinkled but I could dry it. Suddenly the sun came out and every part of me was glistening. My hair was shiny and looked smooth, but needed to be dried.

Mind you, at this moment you were shining like a goddess. And once Ao'nung stepped out of the water he was stunned and couldn't look away. Anyway, back to the plot.

All of us were then sunbathing on the beach to dry off and then get on with other activities and chores. Neteyam was sleeping, Loak and Tsireya were talking (flirting actually but who's asking??), Rotxo and Kiri were conversing looking at pretty shells. And then there was me and Ao'nung.

I was roughly squeezing out the water from my braids, and couldn't seem to get all the water out. I had done this all the time with Tuk but couldn't from behind. Ao'nung let out a deep sigh and came on over to me. "Here. Let me help.", he said in a soft tone. He gently touched my hair and dried every last bit. I was sitting on the warm sand in a 'laying down' position with my hands holding me up so that he could dry off my hair. He picked out every piece of seaweed and massaged my scalp to get out any sand that was stuck. "Mmm.. that's nice.", I mumbled in a comforting voice and he faintly chuckled. Along with the light waves, the sand, the sun, and the local behind us playing a happy melody on their ukulele. We both nodded off, hand in hand. He was slightly holding my torso ( like the big spoon ) to keep my secure from the back and I was holding his hand. My tail wrapping around his leg and we gently fell asleep.

taglist: @raven887209 @iam-mentally-unstable @goodiesinthecloset21 @rosaryos @astablacksword @julieeeeexoxo @coralheartluminary @lixiesbrowniess @bluessee

© seashelldom 2023 ; all rights reserved ; do not translate, copy, claim my work as your own, or repost on another site.

[sassyfrassboss]

Leakings and the British Press

I tend to do some of my best thinking in the shower in the morning. Not sure if it has to do with my brain being fresh in the morning or if the water just pounds good ideas into my brain.

Anyways, after watched both the Anderson Cooper interview and the Michael Strahan interview, both twice, something Harry kept saying over and over again in both interviews stuck with me.

Harry was saying that the palaces, aka William, Charles, and the other royals, would continually brief against, mostly Meghan but Harry as well. Harry claimed that the palaces would collaborate with the British press and plant false stories about Meghan to take attention away from the other senior royals. He said they did this to distract from negative stories about the other senior royals. It was a cover up at Meghan’s expense.

Now I have spent the past few hours racking my brain trying to think about these “negative” stories about the other royals.

As we know, Catherine rarely has anything negative written about her. The top stories that come to mind are “Three Kitchens Kate” her being “work shy” and of course her “fight” with Rose Hanbury.

Charles, well I don’t think anything bad about him came out until after Harry left which was the donations for favors scandal.

William, yeah other than him being work shy or having a temper, and his kids going to a posh expensive school that he pays for out of his own pocket, but that is about all I can think about.

Camilla, well she tends to keep her nose clean as well.

The British press have all expressed their confusion as well over these claims. They keep saying “what negative articles about the other royals!?”

However, all the articles that made Meghan look bad were all of her own doing.

She is the one who demanded a big tiara. She is the one who yelled at The Queen’s chef about the taste of eggs. She is the one who made Catherine and Charlotte cry. She is the one who cried about no one asking if she was okay in a poverty stricken country where girls are raped and murdered daily. She is the one who had a $300k baby shower and her security for it was paid for by the UK taxpayers. She is the one who broke royal protocol over and over again by walking in front of Harry in the processional line and to greet a King. She is the one who planned surprised engagements on days other senior royals have very important speeches or engagements or tours. She is the one who cleared out an entire section at Wimbledon because she was too important to sit with the peasants. She is the one who lied to the palaces about work she knew she was not allowed to do and did it anyways. She is the one who lied on court documents. She is the one who has changed the story more than once and when her inconsistencies are pointed out it isn’t her being a liar but the press being racist.

So how exactly by reporting on the truth were the other palaces leaking or throwing her under the bus? Sure a couple of the instances happened behind closed doors so obviously those were leaked but, from memory, this was around the time that Meghan had started her own PR against the BRF and how they were threatened by her and her star power. She was saying her and Harry left KP because William was a bully. So we got the leaks of the tiara, the egg issue, and Catherine & Charlotte crying.  However, all the other ones, and many more, were there for us to witness with our own eyes and put two and two together. We didn’t need the British press to point out that when another senior royal, especially Catherine or Camilla had something important scheduled, Meghan would show up somewhere as a surprise!

KP even issued denials about stories that WERE true. The stories that Catherine and Meghan were fighting was true and KP issued a statement saying it was a lie. I think the only stories that were false were the copper bath tub and yoga floor, which many people believed Meghan and Harry planted themselves.

So I guess I am just super confused over the "fake" stories about Meghan? I can't recall a single fake article other than the bathtub.

I love how Harry has this attitude that the world cannot form opinions on their own and that us peons believe everything that we read.

This is the dude that fell for a fake phone call and believed in an island doesn’t exist. No questions asked. But yeah…we are the chumps.

[some-triangles]

2023 IN REVIEW

So, the most important thing that happened this year is I got married. My wife likes to dress me up in extravagant outfits and draw me little cartoons. I am more content as a human being than I ever have been.

This doesn't mean my brain problems have gone away. If anything, the good stuff I have now has thrown the bad stuff into sharper relief, internally and externally. It's harder to ignore depression and anxiety when you're not by yourself. When the people around you aren't actively contributing to your agita and there are no more ambitions you got which remain unfulfilled (apart from the silly ones like being so rich you never have to work again) it kind of highlights how, y'know, the call is coming from inside the house, where the house is my body, and the gremlin living in the attic is my brain.

I am feeling less and less apt to tolerate bullshit. Maybe less willing, maybe less capable. This has unfortunately coincided with a significant uptick in bullshit in the outside world, as we continue our transition to an overtly scam-based economy and our sensible centrist president continues to fund genocide overseas. There don't seem to be any good guys left. I find myself unable to shrug and say that it is what it is with quite the same nonchalance as before. Maybe it's a product of getting old.

Oldness may also contribute to the fact that I no longer seem to be interested in listening to new music. My track of the year is 4Lung's "Sarab&e", which is a cancelled furry rapping anemically over a Satie sample - you gotta really kick me in the shins to get my attention these days. On the other side I find myself listening to a lot of jazz on the radio. Did you know Orville Johnson (that's right, of https://orvillejohnson.com/ ) put out a dobro-led cover of Gravy Waltz? And it's pay what you want on Bandcamp? Maybe there are some good guys.

In sum I don't care what band that sounds like one band but also another band came out with their music album anymore. Boards of Canada already solved music and that's fine.

Comics are still good. Gray Folie's "Idletry" continues to be completely fascinating. There seems to be an endless supply of good artists on Tumblr just making stuff and putting it out there for me to look at. Thank you to all of them. Also I hear a new zine from my favorite might be dropping soon - stay tuned for more on that.

All I read is contemporary SF for the podcast and that's also fine. Most of it. Apparently the new thing is books about raising autistic children or being raised by autistic parents or both, and that certainly works for me. My favorite book of the year is not about that, though, and instead asks what if the founder of the Ming dynasty was actually an ace AFAB transmasc with ADHD. It manages to achieve grand tragedy with this concept, particularly if you ignore the ending. (Also you have to read the first book first or it won't make any sense.)

My goal for the new year is that I manage to get the energy together to find a therapist or change my meds up or whatever. Things are good but they could be better, might as well try. I would also kind of like to move back to the east coast but we'll see. Maybe get a cat.

[thomase1]

Two broken make a whole; chapter 2

Series masterlist Full masterlist

Took me long enough to update, I know. Just have not ended up the happiest with this chapter and ended up overthinking it. Sorryyy 💜

I did get some help though.

Thank you @crzyplantladyvibes for your incredible help! I dont think this would be postable if it werent for you!

Warnings: talk of past mission, talk of past injury, Tony beeing a bad teammate, humour, angsty thought and feeling from our girl. We will be starting to cut into her past.

Wordcount: ~2.300

Deviders by @harlequin-hangout

The days following Thor and Loki’s arrival were relatively quiet. You didn't see them around much and soon you had to go on another mission. It would be an easy one, just some undercover work to get data from an organization trying to bring down the whole justice system.

As is often the case, it sounded more exciting in the briefing than it actually was in the field. After hours of surveillance, you were beginning to regret the career choices which landed you here, bored as heck, sitting at a window with Clint, not that you mind missions with Clint. He is competent and pleasant, but Tony, on the other hand, that’s another story.

He was supposed to be your ride along today, but 'thankfully' Pepper broke her arm by falling down the stairs. Not that you didn't feel bad for her, but if Tony had come along, you might have broken his. On your last mission with Tony, he’d bossed you around while frolicking about in his suit, not even bothering to tell you about the group of Chitauri heading straight for you. You were left fighting 8 Chitauri, Tony's cocky remarks about your defense ringing through the comms, only stopping when you nearly got killed. He didn't just take them down and get on with it, oh no, not Ironman. He had the audacity to make a show out of it, pirouetting around and landing with a bow while you had a bullet shatter your shin. You would have killed him on the way back home if you hadn't been in so much pain, because even then he didn't stop; no, he told you it was your fault for not paying attention to your surroundings! He, who was 30 feet in the air with a perfect view of everything, told you, who was down, enclosed in the forest, you did not pay enough attention to your surroundings. After two surgeries and 5 months off missions, when you finally recovered you avoided missions with Tony.

You rested your forehead on the windowpane and groaned. After 12 uneventful hours, even Clint ran out of easy going jokes, the both of you so bored you could barely stay awake. Thankfully, around hour 15 you finally spotted your target. In a matter of minutes, the 2 of you subdued the target, used his fingerprints to access the building, hacked the mainframe, obtained some vital intel, and planted a crippling virus. One short flight later and you were back at the tower; you weren't even gone a day.

Back at the tower, you’d wandered to the common room for some water and a post-mission snack when you spotted Thor.

"Hey Thunder, you all settled in yet?". You walked up to him, giving him a small side hug.

"I am indeed. I even got a chance to talk to Jane." He smiled from cheek to cheek, and you elbowed him affectionately.

"Awesome! What did she say? Did you talk it through?"

"Yes”, he nodded enthusiastically. “She’s even letting me take her out to dinner tomorrow!"

"Daaaamn, what do you have planned?", you plopped on the couch, looking at him expectedly.

"Well, I- must admit I did not think that far ahead.", he mumbled, sitting down too.

"What? Dude, you gotta choose a restaurant at least! This is New York, all the good ones are probably booked already! What does she like?"

The chances of him getting a table at a good restaurant, in New York, on a Saturday at dinner time are slim. Even as Thor.

"Pizza! And pasta. And those little doughy triangles filled with... stuff.". He was thinking so hard you could almost see his brain spasming.

"Samosas, got it. So, Indian and Italian food. Alright. What time do you guys meet?"

"7:30." He answered and you got your phone out, already looking for restaurants. After a lot of calls, pleading and the exaggerated use of Thor's name, you got them a reservation at a highly rated Italian place. Giving him the address, you continued,

"And what will you wear?"

"I do not know. But I am guessing my usual attire is not suitable."

"No, as much as I love your Asgardian battle armor, which isn't really a date night outfit. Do you own a suit?"

"I used to, but I sold it at the charity event," he hangs his head.

"Ah, yes. Well, you need a suit. You’ll have to buy one, which, with your physique, it could be challenging to get one off the rack."

"I could ask Loki to conjure one for me."

"Oh, right, he can do that too- ok, so that's settled." Caught off guard by the mention of Loki’s name, you thought, shit, I really need to do something about this growing interest in Loki.

 “Thank you for your help with the restaurant. I will go see Loki about my suit. I can’t wait to see Jane tonight.” You murmured an appropriate response of some kind, distracted by imagining Loki in a well-tailored suit. You shook your head to clear your thoughts and made your way to your room for the evening.

                   

The next day passed slowly as you updated mission reports. Clint didn’t help with any of the documentation, but he was a pleasant distraction with his jokes and stories. You stared at your computer, bored out of your mind.

"Miss L/n, mister Odinson requests your presence in his quarters", Jarvis announced.

"Oooooh, did I miss something?" Clint teased, making a kissy face. You slapped his arm.

"No, stop it! He is taking Jane out to dinner today, I bet he wants my opinion on his suit." You got up, hearing a "Yea sure! Use protection!" behind you.

"Shut up Katniss!", you shouted back. As soon as the elevator doors opened to the living quarters, you heard shouting.

"I asked you to give me a suit! This is not a suit!", Thor shouted.

"I thought you wanted something that fits you, I gave you just that!", Loki retorted sharply. You walked faster, fearing an escalation.

"So, this is what you think of me? I look as if I've been through a cheese grater!" You heard something break which had you sprinting through the corridor.

"Stop breaking my things! I just got that table!", Loki yelled, really fired up.

"Don't act like you can't conjure another one right now!" You arrived at their sitting area and ran through to Loki’s room.

"Stop fighting guys, what's the- What the hell?", you questioned, seeing splinters of wood strewn throughout the room and Thor clothed in God-knows-what. It's just a shirt and jeans, but with more holes than fabric. You don't even know where Loki got that outfit inspo from. Half his ass is hanging out from the pants!

"Look at this abomination of attire!", Thor whines, tugging at the hem of the shirt.

 "Yea that's not... Please, can you give him a suit? It's really important.", you plead with Loki. He looks so handsome with his hair freshly washed, all floofed up. You bit your lip subconsciously as you took in his forest green tunic and dark pants, which clung to him in just the right places. He follows your gaze, smirking devilishly, making you drop your eyes to the floor, cheeks heating up ferociously. Your blushing went unnoticed by Thor, but Loki had seen it and mentally cataloged it as something to explore further in the future.

"I think I can do that, Agent.", he looks at Thor and with a single hand movement and a green spark, Thor is wearing a suit. Only...it’s the ugliest suit you've ever seen. It's neon yellow with a checkered pattern and a blue dress shirt underneath; the clashing colors are awful.

 "What is this yellow monstrosity?! Change it, right now!", Thor bangs his fist into the wall, putting a crater into the solid bricks.

"Hey! Stop it, you buffoon!", Loki spits, rage flaming in his features, though you wonder why he is mad. He is the one fucking around with Thor’s patience.

"Thor! Tony is gonna kill you, please, calm down. We will solve this just- please stop destroying things. And you'', you turn assertively to the angered Loki, "give him a nice suit. This is important for him; can't you just help him?"

Both of them look at you like a deer in the headlights.

"Fine.", the blonde haired god calms down, "But he will change me this instant. And properly this time.", he pouts. Loki sighs loudly.

"Alright.", he snaps his wrist again and Thor wears another suit, "Happy now?". You give Thor a once over, considering the new attire. It's a perfectly fitted, cool toned grey suit, with a light blue dress shirt and deep blue tie.  

"Very nice. Blue is a good choice, goes well with his eyes. Thank you."

Thor pats himself down, feeling the fabric,

"Thank you, brother. This one is rather nice."

The raven haired god nods,

"Very well. Would you mind? I have some renovations ahead.", he gestures to the door.

You tug at Thor's arm, steering him towards the door, "Bye Loki.".

"Goodbye, Agent.", he smirks, closing the door behind you.

After that you helped Thor prepare for the date, reassuring him. You sent him to the florist across the street, telling him to get a bouquet of whatever flowers he thinks she might like. He came back with powder pink roses.

Finally back in your room, you flop onto your bed and your thoughts begin to spiral down an unwelcome path. You usually try to stay busy, but sometimes you can’t stop the questions. There is just so much about your life you don't know, don't remember. Will you ever find your story, or will you die, taking the uncertainty to the grave? You've done what you could, tracing back the steps. but it only brought you back to hydra. Going back to the hydra facility you’d called home was a bust; it was completely vacant. No traces left behind, only the card deck you and the others used to entertain yourselves with.

When it was finally time for him to go, you went over everything again, adjusting his tie and reminding him of the address to the restaurant. You've got a good feeling about this; Thor and Jane are good people. They are heroes. They deserve to be happy.

You long for more than boring missions and futile searching into your past. When will you finally allow yourself to feel loved? It’s stupid, making yourself suffer, trying to pay the price for the path left behind. You know your lonely penance won’t change a thing, but getting to live a life filled with love just feels wrong. After all you've done, it's simply not right; you don’t deserve happiness.

You wonder what happened to your few friends back at hydra. Were they killed because of you? Because you choose life? Maybe you don't want to know. The slip-n-slide of overthinking got you again and you know, if you don't get off that ride right now, you won't be able to stop for hours.

You decide to text Taylor and Kenma, your two best and only friends, outside of the tower at least. Taylor does not take long to respond but declines, saying Sean, his boyfriend, had already something planned for today. It's a common occurrence, ever since they started dating, meeting him became a rare occurrence. Sean is a horrible person, but Taylor loves him far too much. He just can't get himself to end things.

A bit later, Kenma texted back but she is at work, nightshift. Damn it.

"Jarvis, who is in the Tower right now?", you say to the ceiling.

"Mister Laufeyson is in his private rooms, Doctor Banner is in his laboratory alongside mister Stark."

"Ask Stark and Banner if it's alright if I join them, please.", you sigh.

You really hoped Nat was home, or that either Scott or Clint was here since they never fail to crack you up.

"You are welcome to join them."

"Thanks Jarvis."

In the lab, you find them bickering about technology to add to the suits of some teammates, including you. So, in the end, you put in your suggestions too, helping create them.

Yours got more protection, it's fire resistant now and has even more pockets to store little items in. And they even built in an extra one for throwing stars, your "last resort" weapon. Never used them in battle, but in an emergency they’re better than nothing.

When night fell, Tony went home, and Bruce fell asleep on a pile of fabric samples. You went back to your room. You tried to sleep, you really did, but you just couldn't. So, you ended up thinking about him. Loki. Why must that tunic of his be so tight? You saw every ridge of his abs, every line on his chest. And those pants and that smirk. Ugh, did he see me blushing?! Oh, so what if he did? And his hair, Thor must have interrupted his brother after a shower, but you are kind of grateful for it. He looked adorable with his hair all floofed up. 

Do gods have bad hair days? Thor certainly does, you know that for a fact. Tony once straightened his blonde locks out while he fell asleep after a mission. Tony made sure to do an awful job. The result was a lot of yelling, gloating laughter and a broken elevator door. Ahh, fun times. If Loki has had a bad hair day, you sure haven’t seen it, at least not yet, you thought mischievously.

Everybody that wated to get tagged on tbmaw: @fictive-sl0th @vbecker10 @fictional-hooman @mischief2sarawr @maple-seed @tessathechild @mochie85 @holdmytesseract @theaudacitytowrite @gigglingtigger @peaches1958 @marygoddessofmischief @goblingirlsarah @oceandeepthirst @lokisgoodgirl @fallenlostarchives @kalinaselennespeaks @bloodlust-princess @assemblingavengers @loki-n-hvitserk @crzyplantladyvibes @slytherclaw1227

Normal tags: @their-love @vickie5446

[euphoricimagination]

Summary: The All Japan Youth Training Camp comes to an end, which leads to amazing friendships and the eventful reunion with your boyfriend. The Nationals arrived after a short Christmas celebration, and so did your first match.

Kenma x reader; Haikyuu x reader

Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15

From the beginning

The first thing that the guys did the next morning was another practice match. You see Atsumu serving with his jump float, however it looks different than usual, softer almost. After Atsumu receives a ball, the last hit is tossed to Hoshiumi, who jumps even higher than when you first saw him play, sending the ball to the end line.

“You DID get better Hoshiumi! That jump was higher than before!” you exclaim

“I know! I told you, you will be surprised!”

“Oh sorry, I interrupted” you look at the coaches

“It’s alright, that’s why you're here after all. Something else you want to say?”

“Ehh…Eikichi-kun, is that really how high you can reach? Cause personally, I think you can reach higher, you’re tall yet your jumps are quite low, not as they could be”

“But this is how I spike the best…”

“But imagine how powerful and cool it would be if you get used to hitting the ball a little higher while being left handed. Can you try to do it for a few plays?” you ask using your best convincing tone

“S-sure it doesn’t hurt to try. It does sounds cool after all” he blushes

“Yay! Tobio-kun, you got it?” you call the young boy while going back to the coaches

“Yes, Yn-san, I’ll take care of it”

“I’m surprised that you were able to convince a spiker to try something new, usually they prefer to go with what’s easier for them” a coach says once the game resumes

“They are still teenagers, it's easy to convince them once you tell them how powerful or cool something can be. And being a girl helps a lot, specially since most here don't know me that much”

“Really clever, I must say”

In the evening the guys are doing their cool down stretches after more practice while you go around passing bottles to some of them when you notice Atsumu talking to Kageyama

“In the training camp I didn’t really pay attention to yer school, ya were good, but yer teammates weren’t; plus, I cared more about Chibi-chan, so I thought ya would be a difficult person here, but it turns out ye’re actually just a Goody Two shoes”

“Eh?!”

“Tsumu, what are you doing?” you call him, making him shiver a little

“Just talking to Tobio-kun here”

“Really? It didn't sound like a nice talk. Can you not be a cocky bastard for like a day?”

“I’m not cocky!”

“Yes, you are. Sorry Tobio-kun, he can get annoying” you take Atsumu by the wrist, walking away “you know that I don’t have a problem with you being cocky, you have the talents to be, but don’t ruin your reputation so fast”

“I’m sorry chibi-chan, but ya just said that ya like me being cocky”

“No, I don’t like it, but I get it, as long as you never treat me or the people that I care about bad, I can live with it”

“I would never, I love ya too much. Plus ye’re terrifying when ye’re angry”

“Thanks, were you holding back with the jump float served?”

“What are ya talking about chibi-chan? Like I’m the one to hold back” says with a knowing smirk, however he lowers and whispers to your ear “we need to surprise our future opponents, don’t we?”

“Look at you, using your brain on your own for once, well done”

“Rude. Let’s go to eat”

“Sure, let me do something first” you go to where Sakusa is “Sakusa-kun! Did you watch the match between Karasuno and Shiratorizawa?”

“Not yet”

“Good, then here, I watched it yesterday and took some notes, I thought you will like to have some information about them” you give him the notebook where your notes were

“Why did you do this?” He says surprised, taking them

“The notes? Well, you got me curious about the match. Plus both of us like to be careful about other teams, so why not help you?”

“I see…thank you” he smiles at you

“Of course, we’re gonna go now. I’m sure you will, but eat a good meal”

“I will” he pauses looking a little conflicted as you turn around with Atsumu “Yn-chan?”

“Yeah?” you turn around

“Can…can you give me a massage later? My shoulder still hurts” he looks to the other side, blush appearing in his cheeks

“Of course, you don’t mind me touching you, do you?”

“No, I trust you the most out of everyone here” he looks at you, blush deepening when he saw your smile

“Oi, Omi-kun! Dontcha dare to flirt with her, she’s dating!” Atsumu squints his eyes at the boy

“I know, the blonde dude from Nekoma, right?” he asks you, making you nod “that doesn’t mean I trust her any less with this”

“I’ll help you out, don’t worry Omi-kun. Let’s go Tsum” you push the fake blonde away so he doesn’t end up in a fight, going to the cafeteria

“Do ya trust him to be alone with him? Ya want me there with ya?” Atsumu asks, worry in his voice

“He is not going to do anything, Tsum, he’s very gentle”

“Alright…anyways, will ya give us the notes too?” Atsumu passes an arm through your shoulders

“Of course, I may be in Nekoma now, but half of my heart is still in Inarizaki”

“We miss ya too” he gives you a loving kiss at the temple. Unless they play against your cats, you’re going to help them as much as you can. It's the least that you can do to the first ones that love you and help you.

The week passes fast and before you notice, the last day of the training camp is here. Thanks to the coaches, who gave you a lot of freedom to say and do whatever you wanted, you became closer to the rest of the players due to all the feedback that you gave them; especially with Sakusa, ever since you gave him the massage he gained a whole lot more trust in you, becoming the closest one outside Atsumu.

Now the guys are playing a match where the players switch their normal positions, Atsumu being the libero, Hoshiumi the setter and Kageyama the wing spiker. Kageyama spikes one of Hoshiumi’s sets and scores past a double block attempt.

“Well done Tobio-kun”

“Thanks Yn-san” says bowing eagerly

“Yn-chan, how was my set?” Hoshiumi asks excitedly

“Pretty good, you’re a good setter too”

“Yay!” In the next rally Hoshiumi sends a set to Sakusa, however he hesitates before hitting it even though he marks a point.

“You doubted my set didn’t you?!” Hoshiumi screams at him

“I just wanted to be certain of it” says Sakusa monotone

“But Yn-chan said my sets are good, you don’t trust her?!”

“I do, but I just wanted to be sure”

While doing their cool-down stretches, you once again see Atsumu going to Kageyama, and considering how he can be, you decided to approach just to make sure he didn’t go too far with provocations.

“…Someone who can’t hit my sets just sucks. You should be a spiker, you seem tense playing as a setter”

“Maybe he’s like that because of what you told him, you idiot” you plop onto his back, barely making him flinch as Kageyama nods

“But I’m a setter”

“I know, I know” Atsumu stands up, making sure to grab you so you didn’t fall from his back

“Miya-san what does Goody Two shoes mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds, you’re a serious, honest and all-around good person”

“In a way I do agree with Tsumu, strangely” you say, making the blonde whine “You’re really good at adapting with your team, but are you sure that’s all they can do?”

A little later, after everyone had eaten a proper meal, the coaches called all of the players to say a goodbye speech.

“I want to congratulate all of you for being able to play in such a new environment. This camp was planned as a way to get all of you started on their youth activities and to help you figure things out and show you that there’s always room for improvement. In that same note I want to congratulate you Yn-chan, watching you help everyone here really set my mind of how good of a coach you can be, I’m sure all of the players appreciated your help”

Everyone says thank you to the coach before going to take their things out of the dorms. You go outside with your backpack, seeing Kageyama there tying his shoe.

“Tobio-kun, do you need help going to the station?”

“I don’t think so, is Kozume-san coming to walk with you?”

“No, Tsumu wanted to walk with me to say hi to my family, so I told Kenma to wait in his house” you clarify

“Ah I see”

“Bye Kageyama! Bye chibi-chan!” says Komori when he goes out, high fiving you. Sakusa follows behind, staring down at Kageyama

“Bye Komori-kun! Bye Omi!” you say

“See you soon, chibi-chan” Sakusa rubs your hair while passing by your side. Hoshiumi also goes out nodding at Kageyama and giving you a hi-5 before leaving.

“See ya at the Nationals, Tobio-kun” Atsumu with a little cocky grin, however his demeanor changes when he sees you with your eyebrow raised “Let’s go chibi-chan, it's late”

“See you Tobio-kun, say hi to Shoyo for me, please”

“I will” he says as you two leave the gym, walking towards the station

“Hey, isn’t that the hoodie that Suna gave ya?” Atsumu asks when you are walking

“Yeah, it’s really warm and it reminds me of all of you, I used to steal everyone’s jacket at one point”

“Oh yeah, I remember how flustered ya made Samu when ya wore his” Atsumu laughs

“You’re acting like you weren’t red as a tomato when you saw me on yours, I have proof “

“Well, it’s not my fault! It’s not the most normal thing to do here in Japan”

“I don’t even know if it’s normal in my country, it’s just a me trait. That’s my house”

“Then I’ll bring one of my hoodies when we come for the Nationals” he hugs you, putting his chin on your head “ya looked cool in the training camp”

“Huh?”

“Giving feedback to everyone so they could be better, or explaining stuff to us. Sometimes ya look more like a coach than the coaches did”

“Thanks, Tsum” you nuzzle your head in his chest, him caressing your head “go and say hi to my family, you’re going to miss the train if you don’t go soon”

You went into your house so Atsumu could talk with your mom and brother, you sitting next to him since he didn’t want to let go. When Atsumu leaves you go to Kenma’s house, entering with the spare key that you had to not interrupt anyone. You enter his room only to find him sitting in his computer talking to the headset, extremely concentrated while playing an online game. You go and hug his back, making him jump a little before looking behind him.

“Sorry” you mutter quietly

“I have to go, sorry” says into the mic, turning everything off immediately as he turns the chair around and pulls you into his lap “Hi”

“Hi” you chuckle, nuzzling into his neck “missed me much?”

“No…” says, yet his arms pull you tighter

“Oh really? Then you won't mind me going to Tetsu’s house to tell him about the camp. He seemed excited about it”

“No… I had to survive with Lev and Kuro alone”

“Poor you, you had to talk to your teammate and best friend” you earn a glare “I’m kidding, pretty boy. Did I miss something important?”

“Not really, we did the usual stuff. Everyone seemed a little off though, I guess they all got used to having you and your snarky comments around” he smiles playing with your hair

“It was weird for me too, everyone was…too good, it was strange not having someone like Lev”

“Why only Lev?” He squints his eyes

“Because Lev still has some problems playing? Don’t worry though, I missed more the kitty that claims to hate affection and people, yet always wants me around and let’s me hold him” you kiss his cheek, making him blush a little “I’m going to lay down for a while, you can keep play-”

“Let’s go” he takes your hand to take you to his bed. Once you lay down, he immediately lays in your chest, holding you tightly as he nuzzles into you “how was the camp?”

“Quite fun actually, there were only 20 people and I knew 6, so I didn’t feel as anxious as I normally would when interacting with them, and having Tsumu there made it a lot easier. The coaches were really nice too, they let me interrupt as much as I wanted, so I ended up talking and helping them a lot an-what?”

“Nothing” he says when you notice that he was looking at you with extremely soft eyes, making you blush and get shy. He moves up a little so you were face to face, taking your cheek and kissing you deeply while his other hand was under your t-shirt, touching your waist. Your hands went to his neck almost immediately, pulling him closer. Your foreheads connect when you stop, gaining your breath back “I’m glad that you had fun, but I really missed you a lot”

“I missed you too, your presence relaxes me” you give him a quick peck “You know, it baffles me sometimes that we met this year, our relationship isn’t even a year old, yet it feels so…natural”

“Do you believe in fate?” he lays down again, his face on your neck

“Huh?”

“Cause I do now, there’s no other logical explanation for us”

“And here I was all my life refusing to believe in soulmates, fate or destiny. But I’m not complaining, I got an amazing boyfriend…God, I’m tired, I want to sleep”

“Then sleep” he rolls to the side, putting your head on his chest while he passes his arms around, taking his PSP out

“…you’re quite the hypocrite, but fine, love you”

“Love you too love” he kiss the top of your head, smiling into your hair

++

Today’s Christmas eve, so Kenma, Kuroo and you were supposed to walk around Tokyo while eating street foods while your families hang out together. If there’s something that you learn in these past 2 years is that the holiday season here it’s celebrated quite differently; Christmas being the time for friends and couples to celebrate together, while New Year was for the family, visiting temples on January 1st.

“Are you sure you want me here? You two are a couple, and Christmas eve is supposed to be the most romantic date of the year…isn’t it awkward for you?” Kuroo asks awkwardly while you walk through a Christmas market

“This is for friends too, Kuro, relax”

“Yeah, but you know…you two are together…”

“Tetsu, relax, it’s just like any other day”

“Chibi-chan, Christmas eve here is like a holiday of yours…valentin? Something like that”

“Valentine’s day? Well, I never liked the idea of it, I don’t need a holiday to express my love towards my boyfriend or friends. Woow look at that! That’s so pretty!” you get distracted by a giant Christmas tree, making the two of them laugh

“Yeah, it’s pure capitalism. I’m already outside, so don’t make this more annoying for me than it already is Kuro” adds Kenma, pulling you slightly closer as he rubs your hand to warm it up

“Man, you two are the weirdest yet cutest couple out there” Kuroo laughs “should we sit and order something then? Chibi, did you know that eating KFC is like a tradition here?”

“Yeah, last year I ate some with the twins and Rin when they went to my house…it was a weird yet comforting”

“Well, it’s really different” Kuroo says while you sit in a park nearby, Kenma laying on your lap “I’ll go buy something, you two do your couple things or whatever”

“Sure” Kenma takes his phone out “couldn’t we have stayed at any of our houses?”

“Let me enjoy my first Christmas in Tokyo!”

“But it’s full of people and couples, it’s disgusting. Plus, it’s cold, you wouldn’t be shivering if we had stayed inside”

“Ken, we ARE a couple, I’m literally wearing your hoodie” you put your hands between his scarf and chest, making him lean his head on your arm

“But we are not the annoying kind, and you wear my hoodies everyday anyway. You’re lucky that I can’t say no to you, I wouldn’t have left my house otherwise”

“…Sorry for dragging you out, I really wanted to see Tokyo in this season, and tomorrow is one of the few days we don’t have practice”

“It’s fine, as long as it makes you happy I’ll do it…next year we’re not going out though, we’ll stay in playing something, we can even bake something together”

“Bake together? Or me baking while you pretend to help?” you tease him, earning a glare from the boy

“I’ll help y-”

“Planning next year's Christmas already? Are you two married or what?” says Kuroo arriving with the food, a teasing smile on his face

“Tetsu, kindly, shut the fuck up” you say making Kuroo gasp dramatically and Kenma chuckle “what did you buy?”

“Some onigiris and a Christmas cake. I bought some French fries too since you like them chibi-chan”

“Thank you”

You spend the rest of the afternoon talking together, mostly Kuroo and you, but Kenma still contributed here and there, whether by correcting some stories that Kuroo was telling you or saying his side of them.

“Kuro, can you go ahead of us?” says Kenma when you were near your houses

“What? Why?” he asks with a smirk

“Don’t start”

“Fine, fine I’ll leave the lovebirds alone” he turns around, walking faster than before. But Kuroo being Kuroo, he obviously had to yell something before leaving “don’t do the naughty yet kids, both are too young!”

“Pfft”

“Don’t laugh! You’ll make him believe he’s funny” Kenma whines, hiding his face on his scarf

“Just so we’re clear, I’m not really into exhibitionism” you earn a glare from him as he blushes even more “sorry, sorry. What was it?”

“Nothing now” he squints his eyes

“Ok then, I’m not going to beg for you to tell me” you joke while continue walking, but he stops you taking your hand

“You’re unbelievable…here” he shakes his head while taking something from his backpack, a Harry Potter scarf “Merry Christmas, it’s not a lot, but I know that you’re used to this” says while putting the scarf around your neck

“Thank you” you give him a peck before hugging him “I also have something for you at my house…but Tetsu is over there and it’s making me uncomfortable” you caress his cheek as he looks towards the tall boy, sighing before taking your hand and starting walking

“I told you to leave Kuro” he says when you continue walking towards your houses “stop acting like my relationship is yours too”

“And miss my two friends' cute moment? Never. It was like a movie! With the snowflakes and all! Plus, considering that I was the one who push you into asking her out, I feel like I deserve it”

“No, you don’t”

“You’re weird Tetsu…see you tomorrow” you pull Kenma towards your house. When you were on you room, you give him the hoodie that you bought him “Merry Christmas…thank you for let me get to know you”

“Thank you for getting to know me” he pulls your closer into a sweet kiss

++

Today’s January 4th, the start of the Spring Tournament. You are walking down the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium behind your team when you hear Kuroo talk to somebody

“Did you finally get to see the real Skytree? You country crows”

“Always with his unnecessary commentary” you say to Kenma and Kai, who just shake their heads “I’m going to find the twins and Rin, can you take care of things for a bit, Kai-san?”

“Of course, chibi-chan, be careful”

“Thanks. See you in a few, babe” you kiss Kenma’s cheek before walking away. On the way there you pass next to Kuroo and Daichi, who are talking about how nervous the other was.

“Yn-chan hi”

“Oh, hi Sugawara-san, Asahi-san”

“Kageyama told us you were in the training camp as an assistant coach”

“Yeah, it was quite fun actu-”

“CHIBI-CHAN!” someone lifts you up from the ground

“Fuck! Bokuto-san, why do you always have to scare me?”

“Because you’re cute!” he presses his chin on the top of your head after putting you down. The two third years of Karasuno just laugh and go away

“Is Kenma okay with this type of skinship, Yn-chan? You can always tell Bokuto-san to stop” says Akaashi arriving

“Yeah, he doesn’t mind. He knows that we’re just friends” you look at Kenma, who is staring at you with a little, barely noticeable, smile “How are you Akaashi?”

“I’m fine, it’s going to be a really good tournament this year”

“Chibi-chan hi!” another voice calls you

“Komori-kun hi! Sorry I can’t really move much. Hi Tobio-kun” you gave him a hi-5 and smile at Kageyama while Bokuto just press his cheek on your head even more

“Yn-san”

“Does Omi-kun have an imaginary pain again?”

“Nah, he is the corner over there, he hates crowds” he points at where Sakusa is, looking gloomy in a corner. He nods slightly at you when you wave to him

“I forgot that the four of you went to the youth training camp, how was it?” asks Akaashi

“It was really good, chibi-chan helped us a lot when trying som-”

“Chibi-chan! You went to the youth training camp?!” asks Bokuto loudly, making a bunch of people look at your direction

“Y-yes, I told you Bokuto-san”

“She asked you if you went before Bokuto-san, you literally answer her”

“Oh right! I forgot!” he laughs loudly, the conversation keeps going for a while, and even if you were engaging in it, you still could listen to the very loud whispers around ‘how many dudes she’s with? I saw her holding hands with a Nekoma one, now Bokuto’ ‘I remember her being with an Inarizaki dude too’ ‘She was invited to the youth training camp, how? She’s just a pretty manager’ ‘do you think she was invited so the boys there relieve stress? She’s hot’ ‘What else could be? I bet that she has slept with so many…’

“Chibi-chan, breath with me” Bokuto whispers, rubbing your arms

“H-huh?” you broke from your trance, noticing that you were shaking and your breathing was inconsistent

“You’re getting anxious Yn-chan, follow Bokuto-san breath” says Akaashi with a calm yet worried look, alongside Komori and Kageyama

“I-it’s okay…I’m used to it” you try to follow Bokuto breath

“You shouldn’t be used to that, you’re so nice. People can be so rude” Komori pats your head

“Yn?” Kenma says, arriving at your side with worry in his eyes. Bokuto let go of you so you can go to Kenma, taking his hand immediately

“I think it should be better if we go for now, the ceremony is about to begin anyway. Let’s go Bokuto-san” Akaashi smiles at you

“Sorry chibi-chan, it was my fault. I’ll make sure to beat everyone here that talks bad about my precious friend” says with confidence. The rest of them say bye too before Kenma drags you away to where Nekoma is, moving near the wall before pulling you into a hug. The rest of the team come around you in a protective manner, making a little shield

“People will look at you Ken” you hug him back as one of his hand move into the back of your head, caressing it

“I don’t care, are you ok?”

“I’m fine, I got so used to being around all of you that I just kinda forgot that this happens”

“It’s still really rude, chibi-chan. We’re not going to let anyone talk bad about our precious friend and manager” Yaku pats your arm, the rest of the team nodding

“Thanks”

“Yn-san…is this really normal? You deal with these comments daily?” asks Inuoka, the eyes of the first years are full of worry

“It’s not daily anymore, when I was in Inarizaki it was, a part of Tsumu’s fan club was really annoying. It’s okay though, it just caught me out of guard”

“Are you sure? You can always tell me if something is bothering you, you know?”

“I know, Ken, I’m alright” you finally separate from his body

‘We will now begin with the opening ceremonies’

“Stop worrying about me and get ready, you guys are in the Nationals, I will not allow you to lose so fast” you look at Kuroo, in hopes he understood that you just wanted to move on

“You heard our manager, let's go” says Kuroo. While walking towards the doors you feel Kenma's hand take your, squeezing it, before taking off his jacket and passing it through your shoulders

“Hey, I love you”

“I love you too”

After the opening ceremony you waited for a few minutes before the first match started, against a school from Kiyokawa. While the rest of the team warm up, you were sat on the floor reading the notes with Kuroo, who finished first.

“They don’t seem too challenging, honestly. For what I notice, they seem a little bit more powerful than you in offense, but the defense and blocks aren’t particularly strong”

“This here means that they have resistance, right?” he points at one of the words in English

“Yeah, the ace spiked at lot, and he didn’t seem that tired by the end of the match. His cross shots in particular seemed really powerful, that may cause you a bit of trouble in the beginning”

“We should be fine then”

“Yeah, it’s nothing that you haven’t played before. You probably will finish in two sets” you close the notebook

“Chibi-chan, you became cooler in the training camp”

“Eh? How?”

“I don’t know, you seem more confident”

“Suure. Go on, cap, you have a game to play”

As expected Nekoma doesn’t really have major problems in the game, already being 3 points ahead in the second set. The Ace of Kiyokawa attempts to do multiple spikes however your cats are able to receive each one of them, forcing him to hit a ball out of the bounds. For the last rally Kuroo is able to touch the ball, making Kenma set to Fukunaga, landing it in the back corner marking the win for Nekoma.

“YES!” screams Kuroo excitedly shaking a less excited Kenma while coming out of the court

“Didn’t I say you would win in two sets?” you pass around their bottles, Kenma using this opportunity to get away from Kuroo, going behind you

“Of course you called it” Yaku laughs

“Yn-san is a genius” says Inuoka as the team goes out of the gym, you pulling Kenma a little behind the rest

“You did really good” you gave him a peck “I don’t think a lot of people realize how good of a setter you are”

“I’m not that good, I’m not athletic enough”

“I mean, yeah, you could use more exercise, but you always underestimate yourself, you're more dangerous that you give yourself credit for”

“Thank you”

“Oh yeah, I’ll give you your reward when we get to the hotel” you wink at him, making him blush with an annoyed face

“You do this on purpose, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, it’s fun”

“You’re mean” says with a smile

“You love me though. Let’s go to eat, pretty boy” You go to where the rest of the team are, who where sitting in the floor a few meters away. You passed them their lunches as they finish stretching

“Chibi-chan, aren’t you going to watch Bokuto’s game?”

“It should be over, our games were at the same time”

“True, that’s one of the annoying things about Nationals”

“Yeah, I wish I could watch every game, but it would be so long and we only have a few days”

“CHIBI-CHAAN!” someone says plopping into your back

“Tsumu! What the fuck!”

“Ya did this to me every day in the training camp, this is payback!” says childishly

“Well, she’s not a giant pig. Get out of her” Osamu takes his twin by the collar of his t-shirt, sitting down beside you and kissing the top of your head

“I’m not a pig!”

“Yes, you are, it looked hilarious” adds Suna filming in his phone “hi chibi-chan, guys. You know, Tsumu didn’t shut up about how cool you were in the training camp”

“I love ya chibi, but it was getting annoying” Osamu move to lay his head on your shoulder. By now the 3 of them had sat down beside you, Atsumu in you other side and Suna just plop his head in your lap looking at his phone. Despite being used to this kind of affection by them, you can’t help to tense a little remembering the comments

“But she was awesome! Ya should have seen her! Chibi, ya grew up so much! Now ya talk to people without problems! I’m so proud!” Atsumu lays his head on your other shoulder

“I cannot eat in peace in this place” you take the bento that Kenma was passing you, he and the rest of the team were looking at the scene with a smile on their faces. You put the bento box on Suna's face, receiving an annoyed sound “what? you put yourself there, deal with it”

“Oh shit! sorry dude, I forgot that you two were together. Let me move” says Suna looking at your boyfriend, moving to sit up

“It’s okay, I know that this is how your friendship works”

“You sure? I understand if you don’t like it”

“You’re not jealous Kenma-san?” asks Lev

“I trust Yn, and I know that none of them will try to do something, why would I be jealous?” Suna it's surprised at that comment, however it makes him relax and lay down again.

“I knew from the beginning that ya would be a good boyfriend for our Chibi” Osamu does a fist bump with Kenma “anyways, we watched ya play, ya guys were good”

“Thanks, it was easier than expected, you guys start tomorrow right?”

“Yes, we came here for the ceremony…”

You spend a good part of the afternoon talking to each other, the twins and Suna not leaving your side until you decided to leave. On your way out you went to the bathroom, telling the guys to wait outside so everything was faster. Once you arrived to where the bright red uniforms are, you noticed Karasuno with them, talking together.

“YN-SAN!! Is it true that you went to the youth training camp?!” asks you Hinata when he sees you, pulling you to where he, Inuoka, Lev and Kenma were talking

“Ehh…yeah, I did went the-”

“THAT’S SO COOL!” he screams with his eyes shining, making you jump from the sudden scream “how was it? What did you do? How was everyone there? Did you help them train? Can you help me too someday? But you’re from other school, that means you will help an enemy, but if you help them that me-”

“Shoyo! too fast” you say making the boy apologize, you hear the guys from your team laugh “it was fun; I did help coaching them; everyone was really good; I did, I gave them feedback when they tried stuff; if I can help you I will, but I don’t know when that will be”

“You’re so cool Yn-san! Kenma, you got so lucky!”

“I know” he takes your hand

“We should go, it’s getting late. All of you need to rest. Guys! We’re going!”

“Well, try to survive tomorrow too” says Kuroo once everyone got together, ready to leave

“Same for you” Daichi says back. However, as soon as both of them turn around their expressions got really serious.

“Relax, Tetsu. It will be fine”

“I hope so”

Once you arrive to the hotel, you tell the boys to go shower while I do the same. Once done, you went down to the lobby with the third years, who started to talk about the next tournament while you were on your phone next to Kai looking at Twitter.

“The first Nationals…I would have love going far away, I want to use a bullet train” Yaku says

“Where will be next year? If it’s far away let’s go to cheer them up”

“You think we will go?”

“The faith that you have in us is so assuring Kai-san, thank you” you say with a sarcastic tone

“Exactly Chibi, trust in our juniors a little” Kuroo adds

“There’s another one here” Kai whispers when Kenma goes down the stairs, ready to buy something from the vending machine. There were two other dudes in front of it talking, so Kenma looks at you, asking for help silently

“I got you, you big baby” you say standing up and going to him, taking his coin purse

“Thanks, buy yourself something”

“I was going to” you make him roll his eyes playfully “Hi, can I use the machine…?”

“Oh yeah, so…rry” the dude that turns around stutters, so you give him a small nod and smile as a thanks while taking the money out “l-let me buy it for you!”

“Ehh, you don’t have to, I’m buying two things…” you say confused

“I got you” he goes to the vending while putting the money in, so you shrug your shoulders before pressing the buttons, who were you to deny free drinks? “Ehh…c-can I get your number?”

“I’m dating, and I don’t give my number just like that, sorry…Thanks for the drinks, though” you bow down slightly before going to the stairs where Kenma was

“Thanks” says Kenma when you handed him his drink, with a small smile. You take his hand and move him to where the rest are

“Knowing Kenma, if he didn’t like volleyball, he would have quit already, right?” says Kai

“KENMA! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY BEFORE SLEEP!”

“Jesus, relax dude, don’t scream” you sit in the arm rest while taking your phone out, Kenma sitting in the chair

“YOU TOO CHIBI-CHAN!”

“If I want to leave it, I will, although I will feel bad” Kenma answers Kai question

“What?” says Kuroo surprised

“I can be considerate towards you too, you know. But just a little, I wouldn’t train for so many hours just for consideration, and I wouldn’t play if I didn’t like volleyball. I play just because, I don’t have a reason to do it, but neither to leave it. It’s normal” Kenma squeezes your hand

“That’s too complicated, dude”

“I don’t like sweating or the sensation of not breathing…but I don’t mind leveling up”

“Of course you would say that” you lean a little into him “Wait, this is awesome, I found the best tweet ever”

“What is it chibi-chan?”

“A foreigner found the tournament online, she doesn’t really know what is happening but she can’t help to watch it…not only she’s amazed by how hot everyone is here, but she created a thread of the ones she likes the most” you explain

“Okay, I’m intrigued now”

“Let me read what she put ‘Thank god this tournament has an online magazine, cause dude, everyone here is beautiful. Not only the players, but the coaches? Managers? What do this people eat? My personal favorites though are what I like to call The Pretty Setter Squad, no joke, the most beautiful man I have ever seen’ and she added photos of Akaashi, Tobio-kun, Suga-san, Tsumu, and the one and only, Kenma” you show them the photos

“Why did you tell them?” Kenma grunts hiding his head on your shoulder

“Because you don’t believe me when I say you’re pretty”

“Dude, it’s not fair. How come you steal every foreigners heart? You’re dating a foreigner girl, this tweet right here too and the likes…dude you’re like the third one with most likes. Not fair” Yaku says shocked

“Dude, you’re a heart-throb. The boy who hates attention is receiving the most attention out of us. I will never forget this” Kuroo laughs at his friend

“I have to say though, it’s really impressive” Kai passes you your phone back

“Whatever, let’s go” Kenma pulls you towards the dorms, making the third years laugh harder. Once in the room, he sits near your futon and glares at you before turning on his PSP “I can’t believe you said that”

“Did you really expect me to not say anything” you sit in between his legs, hugging him tightly “hey…are you really okay with the amount of skinship the guys do? I can always tell them to knock it down a little”

“It’s okay, really, I know that they love you like a sister. I’m not going to make you stop loving your friends”

“Thank you, babe, it means a lot” you snuggle a little more. You stay like this for a few minutes, comfortable hugging each other while he plays

“Can I ask you something? I want your opinion” he asks after a while

“Of course, you always can”

“I…I been thinking, on our third year I want to start streaming more seriously, uploading more YouTube videos…but I don’t know”

“Do it then, I don’t see why not. You’re good at playing, and there’s something about seeing you play that is so mesmerizing. There’s a reason why I love seeing you play”

“But you’re my girlfriend, you’re bias towards me” you can feel his smile on the crock of your neck

“Well, yes, a little. But seriously, you should do it. Who knows, maybe you end up being a famous streamer” you chuckle “I don’t know how I could help you, but I’ll be there for you. Just don’t ignore volleyball or me to do this”

“Thank you. You know that I’m here for you too, right?”

“I know, love”

“And I would never ignore you, don’t worry” he gives a quick kiss to your neck before continuing playing

[nowandajenn]

Blue Christmas -chapter 4

Series warnings: angst (like a lot), mentions of infidelity, language, family drama, pregnancy, sexual situations.

Chris’ Pov

I wake up the next morning on the couch with Dodger next to me, blissfully unaware of the complete fucking mess that I’ve made. I tried calling Kelly over and over again, sending her countless texts, worried out of my mind for her. My mind kept going to the darkest places imaginable: her driving, upset and in bad weather, not paying attention or other idiot drivers not paying attention or on their phones, and her getting in a car crash and laying hurt or dead in the hospital. I sit up slightly and grab my phone, hoping to see a call or a text from her; anything to let me know she was safe and alive. 

Nothing. No notifications or calls. All of the texts still on “delivered”. I started making phone calls to our friends and family about an hour after she left last night, telling them that we had had a fight and she left to cool off, and to please call me if they saw or heard from her. I knew in the back of my mind that this might get people worried as to the fact that nobody knew where she was, but at the moment, I just couldn’t stop myself from panicking and dialing everyone we knew. My first call had been to my brother in law, my wife’s twin brother, in Boston. There had been no answer, but that didn’t stop me from calling back repeatedly in between the other calls I was making. 

 All I can do is keep thinking to myself ‘what the fuck have I done?’. Honestly, it’s all I’ve thought since the morning after the worst thing I’ve ever done. A stupid, selfish, drunk decision made in the heat of the moment without thinking of the consequences. I knew the fallout from this was going to be horrible, but nothing my mind could have thought up could be worse than the look of utter betrayal on my wife’s face when I admitted what I had done. 

I had utterly shattered my wife. The love of my life. I would rather die a thousand times than seeing the broken look on her face and the hurt in her eyes. 

I think back to that night, feeling depressed and angry after fighting with her over the phone, stressed out about the continuous parade of negative pregnancy tests we’d seen and the heartbroken look on her face every time she read the result. Feeling like a failure as a man and as a husband for not being able to get my wife pregnant, and wondering if something was wrong with me; if I was the root cause of all of this. Sitting in the bar of the hotel for far too long, drinking way too much, and talking to the cute bartender and spilling my innermost feelings and fears when I should have been telling them to my wife. We were partners. We tell each other everything. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I was terrified that I was the reason she couldn’t have what she so desperately wanted. 

Sitting at the bar until last call, flirting more and more with the young, bubbly bartender without realizing it, and drunkenly taking her up to my hotel room and fucking her. The next morning when I woke up with my brain on fire and a strange woman in my bed, I realized with horror that there was a good chance that I had just wrecked my entire life and my marriage in one night. I wanted to go back in time and take it all back.  Fly home after we had fought and fall down at her knees and beg for forgiveness and tell her that I’m a complete idiot; that she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to a dumb fucking punk like me, and how I don’t even want to imagine my life without her in it and next to me for the rest of our lives. 

Emails and texts keep coming in and I can’t even bring myself to care about any if it. Finding out if Kelly is okay is the only thing I’m thinking about right now. 

I pick up the phone and dial her brother’s number again. I have a pretty good feeling that’s where she would go (if nothing had happened to her on the way). My brother in law scared me just a bit, despite being four years younger than me. When Kelly and I had first started dating, he wasted no time in letting me know that if I ever hurt his twin sister, his other half, they’d never find my body. He’d eventually warmed up to me, but was quick to echo the sentiment again on the day Kelly and I were married. And I had no doubt that he was serious. 

After hearing nothing but an empty ringing and then the start of a voicemail message about fifty times last night, I’m shocked almost speechless when the call is answered. 

“You’ve got some fucking balls on you, I’ll give you that.” Connor says, seething. 

“Listen, I know you hate me right now. You can’t possibly hate me anymore than I hate myself right now, believe me. I just need to know if Kelly’s there and if she’s okay.” I breathe out. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? No, she’s not okay. She’s so far from okay she’s not even in the same zip code. She shows up at my house last night, inconsolable, and tells me what happened. I think to myself ‘there’s no fucking way. He’s a good guy. I’ve known him six years and he’s so in love with my sister that it’s disgusting, and he would never, ever do anything like this to her.”

“Connor-”

“Don’t fucking call here again. She doesn’t want to talk to you, and neither do I.”

With a click, the call disconnects. I fall into one of the chairs in the living room, partly relieved that I know she’s physically okay, and partly even more destroyed knowing that she’s hurting so badly, and that I’m the one who did it. 

For the next two days, Connor, Olivia, and I take advantage of the fresh snowfall and go sledding, have snowball fights, and build a pretty magnificent snow-woman. I’m determined to compartmentalize everything, and I decide to spend the weekend having a good time with my family, and I can deal with the rest of it later. And it works, for the most part. There are moments when I’m hit with waves of sadness remembering all the times that Chris and I took Miles, Ethan, and Stella sledding and all the fun we had, but they’re hastily pushed to the back of my mind. I know that if I sit here and let all of the emotions and feelings in at once, it’s going to overwhelm me and I might not make it back from that. 

My phone stays turned off the entire time, so I don’t know if Chris has still been blowing up my phone, and honestly, I don’t really care. 

I roll over in bed for what feels like the twentieth time in five minutes and sigh in frustration. I just want to turn my brain off and sleep and be blissfully unaware for a while, but my body isn’t playing ball. Honestly, it’s hard to sleep alone. It’s even harder to sleep alone in a bed that isn’t mine. I’ve been spoiled getting to sleep next to Chris, the feeling of his warm, naked body curled against mine, holding me tight under the blankets. And even when he was gone for shoots or promotion, I had Dodger with me, and he was always more than happy to jump up in the bed and make himself comfortable. 

Finally, I give up and sit up in bed, twisting my body so my back will crack. A look over at the alarm clock tells me it’s almost five in the morning, and since I know that getting back to sleep is futile, I get up and head to the kitchen to make some coffee. After getting dressed and ready, I grab my travel mug and get in the car to make the trip back to Concord to get to the studio. Might as well get caught up on some stuff before we open for the day. 

As soon as I unlock the door and turn the alarm off, a strange feeling hits me that I can’t explain. I take a look around and it surprises me how I expected that everything would look different. The last time I was here was Friday night, before everything happened. My whole life has been turned upside down and yet everything here looks just the way I left it. I drop my messenger bag on the floor and sink down into my computer chair, a wave of complete mental and physical exhaustion washing over me. 

Chris is everywhere in this goddamn place. I can FEEL him. I can close my eyes and remember, in perfect clarity, us painting the walls and looking like we got more paint on us than on the walls at the end of the day. I can remember him showing me the heart he had painted on the wall with that goofy little smile on his face and falling even more in love with him. Sitting on the floor, handing him screws and tools and pieces of wood, watching appreciatively as his biceps flexed under his t shirt as he put the desks together. 

My eyes start to burn and I close them tightly, trying to stop the tears from coming. 

I miss him. I miss him so goddamn much. The fact that he’s only about five miles away, probably sleeping in our bed, Dodger more than likely snoozing next to him, makes my chest hurt. 

How do I even begin to rationalize that? I miss the man that flat out told me that he fucked another woman. Sure, he was apologetic and looked like it was killing him inside when he told me, but still. He SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. And yet, I just want to drive home and be back in his arms and forget the last three days even happened. Part of me wishes he hadn’t even told me, and I could have just gone along with my head happily buried in the sand, unbothered by the truth. But no. Chris was too noble for that. He really could never lie to me, even when he was planning a surprise of some sort, he could barely keep it to himself for long. 

I find myself standing in front of the huge, framed picture of us that hangs on the wall,  not remembering when I got up or walked over here. We look so goddamn happy. We WERE so goddamn happy. I trace my fingers over his face, my heart clenching in my chest at the sight of his beautiful smile, and a quiet sob breaks out of my chest. 

I turn and walk slowly back to my desk, trying to get myself under control. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling depressed and like I’m never going to be able to stop crying. I hate that I don’t know what to do next. I hate that I don’t know what’s going to happen next with my life or my marriage. I hate Chris for being the catalyst for it all. 

With a scream that comes from the very bottom of my diaphragm, I pick up my coffee mug and pull my arm all the way back and throw it with everything I have in me right at that stupid fucking picture and his stupid fucking face. 

The glass shatters and a second later, the whole damn thing falls off the wall. For good measure, I pick up the wedding picture that’s on my desk and chuck it at the wall too, 

At quarter after nine that morning, Chris gets a phone call from Allie, who sounds completely shaken, and asks him to come down to the studio. 

When he walks in ten minutes later, his first thought is that someone broke in and robbed/trashed the place. Allie is sitting at her desk, playing with her fingers. 

“What the hell happened? Are you okay?” Chris asks her. 

“I’m fine. I got here and saw everything like this……I wouldn’t have called if…..I don’t know. I think I was in shock.” she tells him. 

“Did you call the police?” 

Allie looks up at him. 

“I don’t think anyone broke in. Nothing’s missing. The computers are still here. All the equipment.”

She stands up and starts walking up to the front, and Chris follows her, confused. She bends down and lifts the framed photo (sans all of it’s glass) and leans it up against the wall. She then hands him a pink and black travel mug that he recognizes all too well, and suddenly the coffee stains splattered across the surface of the picture make sense. 

Chris’ heart drops somewhere in the vicinity of his guts, and it takes all of his strength not to cry in front of Allie. 

“And then there’s this.” she says, pointing to her desk. He walks over, running his fingers over his beard. 

Allie-

I need to take some time away. How long is anyone’s guess. I’m really sorry about the mess. I promise I’ll get in touch with you in a week or so. In the meantime, cash the check. It’ll be enough to cover the time off work with some left over. Go do something fun. You deserve it. Please don’t worry about me.

K

There’s a check sitting next to the note that’s made out to Allie in the amount of $5,000. 

“Chris, what the hell is going on? Why would Kelly do this? She loves this place. It’s her baby.” Chris winces. “It doesn’t make any sense, and I’m scared as hell as to what’s going on with her.” 

He scrubs a hand over his face and sighs. 

“We had a fight…….it was more than a fight. I fucked up. I really fucked up to the point where I don’t know if I can fix it. This….” he says, gesturing around the space “this was her being hurt and pissed off and saying ‘fuck you’ to me.” 

“Listen, go ahead and go home. I can handle things here. You should do what she said. Cash the check. Take a vacation, do something fun. Go somewhere warm.”

“Promise me you’ll tell me if you hear from her?” Allie asks desperately.

Chris doesn’t tell her that she’ll probably hear from you long before he does. He just turns to her and nods solemnly. 

[bearbait-adventures]

Calm for now.

86 has been on light duty as he’s still adjusting to the changes, learning how to use his newly awakened augmented body along with the prosthetic arm. Light duty for Spartans is still quite a bit when compared to the normies though, and getting to know the other Spartans… Well, that was also harder than one would think. 86 was different. He was bigger than most of the Spartan IIIs, and still technically in the process of growing, but he was already damaged goods, already a failure. Nobody wanted him on their squad, he was a cripple, a liability, a mess.

Needless to say it made eating lunch in the mess hall a lonely endeavor. He wasn’t welcomed at most tables, it gets awkward real quick if you sit where no one wants you. The silence and the judging stares… It makes him sick to his stomach and he hates it. He stops trying, finds his own table, eats quickly and leaves most days. 

“Orbital Drop Shock Troopers” or ODST. They’re a rowdy bunch. They normally don’t get along with any other branch, very tightly knit amongst themselves. Remarkably brave or just plain suicidal or maybe some crazy mixture of both, funny how those things are often interchangeable.

A group of them enters the cafeteria they’re loud and laughing with each other. 86 has never seen them here before. The ODST and marines have a staggered lunch time from the Spartans. An attempt by higher powers to keep them from fighting apparently it had happened before. Something about a fight over a weight room. There aren’t many seats left, at least not where they could sit all together, the mess hall is crowded and they set their sights on 86’s table. 86 is surprised when they all pile in, but makes no protest. After all there isn’t anywhere else for them and it’s not “his” table. They don’t really acknowledge his existence, but they’re not rude so he just rolls with it. At least he’s not alone anymore. 

This continues over the next couple days. 86 claims the table and the ODST fill it in a little later. From what he’s overheard so far is that these ODST plus more and more Marines have been transferred here to runmore joint ops with the Spartan IIIs. It wasn’t long before 86 started paying more attention, sticking around a bit longer, listening to their jokes and their stories. He started to drop his guard, and started laughing too. 

Until one of them says something to him…but they’re on his bad side and he doesn’t hear them. “Hey! Are you deaf!” Is what he finally hears as they slam a fist down next to him. He startles. Sliding his chair back away from the intruder, defensive and surprised. He didn’t recognize this soldier. Was he a new one? “I said move. You don’t belong here, swabbie.” The man spat the words like a curse. The rest of the table had gone quiet, an awkward silence. No one seemed to know what to say to that. 86 felt a spike of panic go through him. This was “his” table. He was here first. He was used to sitting here. He didn’t want to move. But before he could verbalize any of that, his internal panic was interrupted by a “hooting” sound. One of the ODST across the table smacked it loudly before flapping his hands wildly at the newcomer. His hands started grumpily forming shapes that 86 vaguely recognized, something similar to military hand signs but not quite that. “Gunny, wants you to kindly fuck off. That’s our Spartan. You find your own table shit-for-brains.” Another ODST translates Gunny’s signs. The new comer growls but does thankfully fuck off somewhere else, allowing 86 to finally sit back down… Flabbergasted.

Had he just been adopted? By ODST? Gunny made more signs at him. 86 watched with wonder but still didn’t understand. “He’s asking if you can hear on that side.” The ODST that translated earlier spoke up after a moment. 

86 clears his throat, slightly embarrassed by the whole situation. “Ah, yes… A little bit…but not very well apparently…sorry.” 86 apologized as he rubbed the back of his neck with his good hand. More signs come from Gunny, hands flourishing about excitedly. “He can’t hear either, too many bombs, too close to his stubborn head.” The same ODST laughed this time sitting up and offering his hand out for a shake. “Name’s Joker.”

86 took the hand, his mechanical arm whirring quietly as he reached out. He was mindful of how much pressure he put into his grip as human hands were much more fragile than most of the things he held. “Holy shit! You really are all fucked up aren’t ya?” A bigger ODST off to his side spoke up, well big compared to normies anyway. He punched 86’s mechanical arm. “They like to call me Monster.” He introduced himself. “Ah, Yeah.” 86 nodded with Monster’s previous observation. “They told me I got blown up I guess…” 

Joker laughed with 86’s explanation. “Dent and ding special it is then.”

Gunny started signing again as 86 watched. Monster translated this time. “Strays are always the best.” 86 couldn’t help but laugh, he wasn’t entirely sure what any of that meant but the tone sounded positive so he went with it. 86 later found out these three would be assigned to him as part of his training squad. Claiming they didn’t want to be with those “Pretty Spartans.” He ran missions and trained with them as an ODST…a “Helljumper.” They would give him an “ASL for Dummies” book. It was well worn and properly vandalized and signed by all three of them. Joker would teach him all about breaking the ice via terrible puns and worse jokes. 86 would even go as far as downloading an entire archive of them once he was given the resources, namely his very own set of SPI Mark II Armor. Gunny would teach him all he knew about explosives and their unconventional uses. Monster would teach him how useful a combat knife could be and to never go without…several of them. He had a little family, a crew, just a Spartan and his ODST.

[thavron]

Oh good Lord, I'm going to write about the Nightingale thing again. And whilst I’m at work no less. I’m not going to try and interpret the scene again. I’ve done that already, and honestly I’m not sure if I even agree with my own points, it just made sense to me at the time of writing. But I’ve been having some thoughts as to why that line of dialogue sticks out like a sore thumb. Because it does, it feels alien in the moment. 

Currently, because I am a huge nerd, I’ve been putting together a table of what Crowley knows and what Aziraphale knows, because it was quite correctly pointed out in a meta that I read yesterday, that they actually don’t have the same information. That means they are going to react very differently to the same situation (I may or may not use that to write another post about the final fifteen, maybe I won't, I'm obsessed. I think I’m just in denial honestly…). And that’s when it occurred to me, the nightingale reference does not exist within the narrative. Or not for us as an audience, not yet anyway.

So, Nightingales are referenced in series one directly by God, where she says:

"While they were eating, for the first time ever, a nightingale actually did sing in Berkeley Square. Nobody heard it over the noise of the traffic. But it was there, right enough."

This is actually a joke, a reference to the song which is playing over the scene "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square”  which contains the line “There were angels dining at the Ritz.” Which is funny because there is, but obviously no one knows that either.

Edit to add: It also means that impossible things do sometimes happen. We have two impossible things happening at once right now. (like and angel and demon falling in love *cough*)

But it’s also a wonderfully romantic song and that scene is just beautiful, you can not convince me that that was not intended as a date. 

The song becomes synonymous with their romantic/domestic interlude, and little references pop up during series 2. 

But the references are kind of like Bad Wolf in Doctor Who, they’re in the background or in the soundtrack, and not meaningful to the characters within the flow of the narrative. We notice, if we’re paying attention and gigglesnort at the implications, but it is not actually something that means anything to Crowley and Aziraphale, or it doesn’t from our view point. The only instance really I can think of where the song is actually being used diegetically, is in the Ritz scene is series one. But it’s background music at a restaurant, it isn’t meaningful unless there was more to that scene. (which might be the case, in a flashback.)

But, Crowley references Nightingales directly. Which means it must mean something to them. For us it is shorthand to refer to their blossoming relationship, but to them it could mean something quite different. But until we know the context, there is no way to interpret what he means. But that line does stand out, and the reason I think it does, is right now it feels like a fourth wall break. Like Crowley is turning to the camera to say “don’t worry kids, this kiss isn’t the romantic kiss.” I’m not quite sure what to make of that really. It’s like they put a little mystery in a box and left it in full view next to one of the most harrowing moments in TV history. How am I meant to look at that and not go feral? It makes it difficult to take that entire scene at face value because of the question mark hanging over that line (and also some of Michael's acting choices, which have been spot on throughout so again makes me feel like there is more to the scene than meets the eye). I would imagine it's meant to be that way, and when we finally see the context that scene will have us in tears all over again. I should just sit back and wait and see, because I am sure that whatever Neil has planned is better than anything I can come up with, but my God has he put an itch in my brain that I can’t scratch. 

[paisholotus]

Now playing: All To Me~ Giveon

Brian's Pov

Miami, Florida

I decided to take Ashia to this Mexican restaurant, Tej, told me she's been wanting to go. I was actually really nervous. Which is new for me because I've never felt like this about any woman. I genuinely didn't see her as a piece of ass. I wanted to get to know her.

Once we got to the restaurant, I pushed in her chair, then walked back around the table and sat the opposite of her. We ordered our food, and I smiled at her as she looked around the restaurant, sipping her drink.

"So, tell me about yourself." I said to her. She looked at me and smiled lowly.

"Well, I'm Trinidadian and Haitian. My mother, Trini, and my dad, Haitian. I have three sisters, but you already met two of them. I also have four brothers. I told you I'm a teacher already. I'm 23 years old.....um I don't know what else to say."

She said, awkwardly laughing, making me smile wider at her.

"That's okay. Were you born in America?" I asked, biting into my food.

"Actually, no, I was born in Trinidad and moved to Texas when I was 14 and around when I turned 16. My dad got a job offering here, and I've lived here ever since."

I smiled and listened to her intently about her childhood and how she met Suki and Tej. I wanted to learn everything about her. Her aura just pulled me in, the way she smiled, the way she talked, the way she knew so much about cars. I admired her for being a teacher and loving kids, I could see she was patient and caring the way she talked about her students.

I watched her talk but I wasn't paying all that attention. As bad as it sounds, I couldn't help it. I just stared into her pretty brown eyes and looked down at her glossed lips and back into her eyes. She was insanely beautiful, without even trying. I was usually a focused man, but around her it's like my brain turned to fucking mush.

"Brian...Brian...BRIAN!" She called my name tapping the table.

"Shit, I'm sorry. What did you say?" I asked, looking at her slightly embarrassed. I needed to pull myself together.

She giggled and sipped her drink, smiling at me. Fuck, that laugh. It was doing things to me. I bit my bottom lip and waited for her to speak.

"I asked, what about you?" I nodded and took a bite of my food and hummed at the taste. This place actually had good food.

"Um, well, I'm 26 years old. I'm from California. Don't really have any siblings. Um..." For some reason, I wanted to tell her everything. Down to my past and my childhood, but I honestly didn't want to scare her away.

"So, it was just you and your parents?" She asked quietly. I looked down at the table and nodded. I really didn't like talking about my childhood. Considering mine was complete shit.

"Actually, just me and my mom." I said, looking back into her eyes, as she looked at me and frowned.

"Did he pass?" She asked as I shifted in the chair.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I respect your boundaries." She said quickly, probably making sure she didn't offend me.

I smiled softly at her and shook my head, "You're okay. My dad was very abusive to me and my mom. Verbally and physically. When I would come home, he would find any reason to call the cops on me. Till one day, he just left and never came back."

She frowned at me sadly but gave me a small smile, "Well, that's his loss. He didn't deserve to be in your life. Your mama seemed to do a fine job on her own." She said, giving me a big smile.

I felt myself blushing and looked back down at my plate, taking a bite, as I heard her laugh again.

"Awe, did I make you blush, blondie?" She asked, making me look back at her. She was smiling and biting on her straw.

She leaned over the table and placed a small kiss on my cheek, making me more flustered than I already was.

"You're so sweet, Bubba." She said, more of her accent coming out.

I sharply exhaled and waved down the waiter. My voice came out high-pitched, as if I was back a virgin. "Check, please."