#ough writing is so hard. but it is happening kind of

[whaliiwatching]

hm. them. also ding ding

[goosita]

I LOVE your writing I get so excited when you post! Could you write something about rivals taking Billy’s Girl and him going CRAZY till he gets her back? And then the comfort after that🥹

ooo ough oh my god he would go insane like i truly mean he would level an entire city for you if he had to

the moment he finds you in the back of the house, bound to a chair and gagged, his emotions begin a war inside of him. he’s so filled with rage that his hands shake and his teeth with ache in the morning from clenching them so hard. blood is splattered across his shirt, flecks drying on his cheek from the men he’d gunned down and fought just to get in here, and here you finally were.

he lost track of how many rounds he’d fired. all he knows is that he’d dropped several bodies. if he counted, he would realize he’d taken out the entire gang who had plotted to take you and hold you for ransom with the eventual goal to turn in the famous outlaw. there was no way in hell billy would ever let that happen; he’d lay his life down in a heartbeat to keep you safe and sound.

“baby,” he breathes, voice trembling. he rushes over and makes quick work of untying you, releasing the handkerchief tied around your mouth to keep you quiet.

“oh, baby i’m so sorry,” he murmurs, pulling you into his arms. he can feel you shaking like a leaf, but you hug him so tight he thinks his ribs might crack; not that he’d care anyway. “i should have been faster, i should have known sooner that you—“

“shhh, billy. i’m okay. i’m fine, you’re here,” you soothed, clinging to him. he can feel your fingers digging into his back hard enough to bruise. he hopes they do, honestly. he wants any mark you leave on him.

“m’gonna get you home, okay? never gonna let you out of my sight. never, you hear me?” he shrugs off his outer flannel shirt, dressing you in it and pulling you in again to press a long and lingering kiss to your forehead. billy keeps you tucked into his side, leading you to the front door.

“i need you to close your eyes, darlin’,” he says, stroking your hair. “don’t want you to see…any of this. okay?” he doesn’t want you to see any of the trail of gore he’s left. you’re too sweet, too innocent to ever be subjected to the sight of such violence.

you nod and squeeze your eyes shut, but as he leads you outside, the sharp metallic scent of blood hits your nose and you suddenly understand just why exactly he doesn’t want you to see. things had gotten very intense, you knew this. billy was a dangerous man. he had been since the day you met him, but it never bothered you. you weren’t even sure if it bothered you now, when he was so kind and gentle with you.

he helped you up onto his horse and climbed on behind you, slipping his arms around your waist and clicking his tongue to get the animal to turn and head the other direction. after a few minutes, you felt his nose nudge your shoulder.

“you still got those eyes closed?”

you nodded, leaning back into his chest even more.

“you can open ‘em now, pretty girl. nothing bad to see out here,” he promises, kissing your cheek. your eyes flutter open and the sky above is a deep navy blue, clouds just beginning to glow with the promise of a sunrise.

“never gonna let anything bad happen to you ever again, i promise. i’m so sorry,” he whispers. you shake your head and turn to glance up at him behind you. billy stops his horse and drops one of the reins, lifting his hand to hold your chin gently.

“it’s okay, billy. i’m okay. you got there just in time,” you assure him. your eyes scan his face, now noticing the dried blood in a splash pattern on billy’s jaw. the way his bright blue irises looked stormy still, the tension in his body still tight. his thumb caresses your bottom lip, his face softening.

he looked down at you for a long moment before dipping his head, resting his forehead against the back of your shoulder. your violent man, your outlaw, your gunslinger. william h. bonney, billy the kid, wasn’t afraid of anything. that’s what most people assumed; but he was terrified of anything happening to you, his sweet angel. his darling girl who kept him sane.

“billy?” you whispered. you felt him hum, his chest vibrating against your back. “take me home.”

and so he did.

[ask-spiderpool]

Ngl ,i love your work,but it rubs me wrong how Peter's discomfort w venom doing sexual things without Peter's consent or knowledge is treated as a joke,or just generally kind of dismissed. Also- I'm autistic and love love love autistic peter parker hc,but the fact he was called 'on the spectrum' soley because he got upset at venom for this and 'couldn't put himself in venoms shoes' also kind of felt really bad.

ough, bless you anon! I really appreciate you vocalising your thoughts and concerns in a really sincere respectful way. I want to respond so you don't feel unheard!

I'd also like to take this chance to say that the actions of one Wade W. Wilson do not reflect the thoughts of the ask-spiderpool moderator. The ask-spiderpool moderator does not condone his words or actions. He is a bad man. The words he's saying are bad.

Deadpool is definitely playing the role of a villain here, and he's kind of intentionally choosing his words with the intention of punishing Peter and invalidating him. He knows what he's doing. And Spider-man knows it too.

I know it's something a lot of people don't like to see from Wade – but it's a part of his character that I find interesting to explore and to see him eventually overcome. His ability to weaponise everything, and his instinct of self-sabotage. It becomes dangerous territory to write sometimes because people generally want to side with Deadpool and believe he'll do no wrong, but - I don't know, to strip him of all his ugliness would be untrue to him. Similarly with Peter – I guess I'm just really interested in parts of Wade and Peter that you don't really get to see explored in fanon very often.

It's kind of a problem though that yeah - when you write this sort of a thing there's the risk of people who don't look at it critically - so you get people idolising or siding with Deadpool when what he's doing is really bad actually. It's kind of a miracle, the sorts of things Wade gets away with, while Peter's attacked for it - and that's something I kind of like to examine, too.

I think I do have a responsibility to make this blog feel safe, but also challenging and interesting - and I think I'll be working hard to kind of find a balance between the two. I'm still trying to figure it out - to write what I find interesting, knowing my own intentions but knowing it probably will be misinterpreted – or writing something else that is easy and pleasing to everyone (not really my bag, and also near impossible!), or just not write at all (also impossible for me! Got a brain-itch to scratch...)

I really appreciate when people read my writing and see what I'm getting at – but it doesn't always happen, and it isn't really anyone's fault. I kind of like to offer explanations and further meta, and the fics, because I love to be understood - and the server where I love to have discussions with people about how they receive these posts. The reason I love running this blog is the discussions I have with people about it. The back-and-forth, and so I really do love people to look at Wade and Peter a little deeper.

I have a genuine interest in autistic Peter and it's something I want to explore further in a sincere light, this is kind of just the first tease of something I want to explore more later, if the asks permit. I think every Peter Parker is autistic-coded - I've written a little bit about it here! I'm no expert on diagnosis - but as fantastical as ask-spiderpool can get sometimes - I kind of always want what Wade and Peter are going through in their heads to feel real and tangible and understandable, and come from a place of sincerity.

The consent issue is a complicated one – (as is the way with applying real-world-logic to the realm of alien sex with what you thought was just a slick space-age onesie...) Peter's relationship with the symbiote occupies more of a realm of metaphor than anything - and I don't think there's any sort of 1-to-1 comparison to the real world. (Has your sex-toy ever gained sentience and passed judgement upon you? Peter Parker's worst nightmare!)

There is a running theme of Peter kind of having his boundaries crossed - and the symbiote is sort of tied to that theme. The symbiote was entirely responsive to Peter's thoughts and didn't do anything Peter didn't will it to do - the real issue is the mortifying ordeal of being perceived. And it's a running theme with Peter - he hides so much and very often his privacy is violated.

It's often played for laughs, because Deadpool doesn't always take Spider-man's boundaries seriously and likes to push him – but it's something that will come to a head, and Peter will be laying down the law very soon.

I'm really thankful for your message anon, and I really hope this response reaches you with similar sincerity that you reached out to me with and that I'm understood! - I love you so much anon! My DMs over on @sciderman are also open if you'd like to talk to me more!

[silverskye13]

Dude dude dude I’ve been reading all the snippets that aren’t on AO3 and because of how they were sent to me I couldn’t reply then (also like- I figured it would be maybe a little annoying to get 12 messages about them when I could send one longer one)

All of them are just so incredibly wonderfully written god I could go on for hours about the deconstruction of every single sentence, but one stood out as a favourite:

“The best seat” for exactly one reason: THE END POEM LINES!!!! Stunning!!!!!! Incredibly spaced and the repetition and the way it repeats the ‘universe loves me more’ theme and OUGH feeling shrimp emotions about these guys, Wels might be a little BITCH but he’s a damn poetic one

Also the delivery ficlet on AO3 (Red and Renbob) MAN those two are so goofy I love them- comedic timing can be hard to get right in writing but the whole paragraph of Renbob speaking with emoticons and the reader (or at least me-) thinking “how is he doing that??” And then immediately Red wonders the same thing? I was cracking up

Also this changes depending on who’s appeared most recently, but my current favourite character is The Hand- he’s just so *close* to Martyn (normal) that you start to forget he’s not until something happens and you go oh. *oh*. And the differences hit you like a knee to the stomach

The whole fic the whole world you’ve made- just absolutely stunning, incredible, for certain it has permanently changed my brain chemistry and I cannot wait to see how it continues and finishes <3333

So like, just so you're aware, when I first received this ask I was stuck on the highway after my tire exploded [literally, it was in ragged tatters when I got to the shoulder]. It was snowing and freezing and the jack slipped off while I was changing the tire [unharmed] and it took the roadside assistance guy 2 hours to get to me after promising "just five more minutes I swear" and "I just passed you I'm coming back around, two minutes," three, four, five goddamn times.

And you know what? This made me smile. It was a smile I desperately needed, sitting on the busy road watching it snow and waiting for literally anyone to help. So thank you for your kindness, and for writing kind words, and for being excited. You have no idea how positive of an impact that had on a truly grueling day.

I'm glad!! You liked the end poem Wels perspective fic. I was writing it to "Put it on Me" by Matt Maeson [recommended to me by countthelions] and I was trying very hard to emulate the feeling of circling and inevitability the song has. There's a very waltz-like meter in the song and it's very very fun to work with.

And! I'm glad the comedy from the Red/Renbob one landed! I mostly use comedy to break tension in fics, so doing a completely upbeat/comedic centered fic had me a little nervous I couldn't land the tone. I am so so stoked you enjoyed it :3

[mamawasatesttube]

Do you think Superman ever found out about Superboy trying to drown himself?

so this is one of those thorny questions that rises out of the way dc editorial was like, well superboy and superman are separate books and we don't want superman all over superboy's story all the time. because in the text, there's absolutely no acknowledgment of it from clark, even when mae shows up and rips the s-shield patches off kon's jacket for misrepresenting what superman's crest stands for. if mae's heard of what's going on, surely clark should have heard about it too, right? but that never actually is shown to have happened anywhere in the aftermath of knockout arc.

it goes back to the attitudes prevalent in karl kesel's writing (and in general at dc in the 90s, i mean), with stuff happening to kon that SHOULD make any adult with a degree of common sense and responsibility go "hey! wait a minute!" but that has no real impact because karl kesel as the writer thinks it's nbd. like in superman jr and superboy sr, when clark is written as thinking kon and tana dating is just fine.

like, it's a discrepancy. because superman, the character whose entire thing is like. caring about everybody ever, and who IS shown to care for kon even before they're as close as they get later, ostensibly should have heard about superboy getting tangled up in something with a villain, and gone to investigate, and the fact that he didn't is entirely because editorial didn't let him, and because karl kesel didn't think this was a predatory situation. like yes knockout was written as manipulating and abusing kon, but not in a predatory way - just in the "manipulative and evil woman takes advantage of kind and naive boyfriend who wants to believe her" way. which is insane because she's also written calling him jailbait and all sorts of shit, but. that's just how kesel thinks sexual women are, and that's what he thinks teen boys fantasize about, etc., so it's not written in a fashion that even remotely condemns that behavior as Maybe Not Great.

because like. the thing is. if superman heard that a kid who fights crime wearing the crest of his house got manipulated into defending a villain and then tried to kill himself to take her down, of COURSE he would step in and say something or do something. in annual #2 he literally shows up just to talk to kon about how he's feeling about the paul westfield revelation - the idea that he wouldn't step in re: the knockout situation is absurd. it's completely out of character for him.

so like, no, i don't think he knows. it's the only way to explain him not showing up at any point. which is still hard to actually reconcile with the fact that mae did know, but... when working within the confines of what we're given with by a flawed canon that reflects its authors flawed views, we kinda have to bend stuff here and there a little, right? it's kind of impossible to make sense of, otherwise.

my personal interpretation of events is that clark was kind of avoiding too much news about kon in the early days because he needed some time to process the whole "being nonconsensually cloned while he was dead" thing, but also was in denial that he was upset or feeling violated at all, because he knew it wasn't kon's fault and because he was already fond of kon, and felt quite guilty for having any hangups about how kon came to be. it still takes a little fiddling (for instance, his appearance in annual #2) but it's the best way i've found to keep clark in character while having kon's story remain as it is. (i do find kon's narrative of exploitation and suicidality compelling. he's so kind and so full of joie de vivre and so independent. and at the same time those traits keep getting him taken advantage of. he's a vulnerable child in the spotlight. ough.)

[kiwibongos]

im writing Something for a little fic and i was putting stuff in my notes for later on and it really just made me realize like how fucked up hajime is after all the Horrors. like, emotionally. him rediscovering emotions entirely. (maybe someone has talked abt this before, i just wanna store this here)

because when he's less of a hollow shell, all there is is grief and guilt in his brain. but then as time goes on, he slowly rediscovers what it means to be human, and learns these feelings again one by one. and it has to be such an agonizing process too ? and when they do happen, theyre all extremely overwhelming, out of the blue, and most likely even caused by really small things. my dude will eat a stale piece of bread or even smell expired dairy products, suddenly relearn disgust and feel ABSOLUTELY nauseous and just hurl over lmaoo

but for as for more serious topics, like properly feeling anger again, it'd be ticked off by little shit, bc he doesn't wanna lose control like that cause the frustration doubles. it'd get bad when he makes a mistake too. he'd freak the hell out, because izuru was the embodiment of perfection, of every talent cultivated into one single brain, so he *cant* mess up, but its too much for him to handle cause he's so used to being under that obligation and expectation, but now that he's losing his stability over all that, when he messes up just *slightly*, he feels ashamed and tries to fix it as fast as possible, whether or not its a big deal. itd definitely be really hard to get out of the mindset that, even though hes not izuru anymore, he has to be perfect. to him, he has to stay that way. cause if he fails at all, then he can't protect his friends anymore. does that make sense. the pressure would be literally crushing

also shock/surprise/excitement. everything was predictable and boring to him as izuru, so obviously all of that is still a huge issue that still lingers within him after the simulation, so he'd probably overcome that first and be caught off guard a lot bc, well, he's learning to be hajime again, he's not *exactly* the op superhuman genius anymore (in my head at least. cause when two minds practically mash together weirdly it creates a horrible hit-or-miss concoction lol) so even basic things become brand new to him, and hes fascinated and curious by everyone and everything. not like hes never seen it before, but its like hes experiencing it for the first time, even if its just mundane tasks in life, new methods and alternatives to things, etc. he's generally a very observant guy, and would also pick up on little traits and habits from all his friends. i have the feeling people would rub off on him extremely easily

love, serenity and happiness itself would be extremely hard to tackle and learn, or even notice? i think of so many scenarios of how this could happen. cause like sure he can feel joy, he can be glad, proud, relieved, and smile because his friends are there. but he's still yet to experience what happiness truly is, what it means to him, and it's not something he can do alone. so it just takes a while for that big boom to happen. perhaps its up to interpretation how it happens, go for it idc i have alot of scenarios stirring up in my brain, but overall, i think him actually bursting with happiness and feeling genuine peace within himself, and realize hes grateful for the life he has, and the future he got to choose, would probably be caused in the process of moving to jabberwock island. just seeing all his friends on the boat and knowing they've made it this far, and theyre going to be starting a new life on this island, and that theyre safe, would be enough to just like hit him. like Ough. and thats when he actually consciously realizes that he's happy, when every other waking moment, there's been some kind of empty pit in his stomach eating at him for so long

on top of all of this, he cant really control his emotions very well, either. thats also another massive con to all of it, and a downside of relearning these things because of how strongly they came swinging back. its alot to handle. even if theres so much knowledge packed in his brain, one little thing like that could be enough to make him bluescreen. so he ends up just going on autopilot or stuffing all of it away, just to make the bad stuff stop. (it becomes a very unhealthy habit that bites him in the ass later. everyone is mad at him for not taking care of himself. hajime is then swaddled into a blanket with a kiss on the forehead)

anyway theres probably more to add and id get into the nitty gritty of specific shit but i had to impulsively dump this here so might as well put up the basics. makes me so excited to work on this fic more, even if its in a more somber, different context, i just love to think about hajime and how he works through his emotions and picking up his old traits. yknow, being himself. but at the same time he isn't doing it alone. let my boy be happy. let him find himself again and move on from izuru

[stevethehairington]

okay making this a New Post bc i don't wanna like. commandeer op's post with this but. i saw the post in this screenshot:

like three days ago, and i have, no joke, spent all three of those days thinking about it, specifically how painfully, achingly, desperately i want to write something inspired by it...

and just. OUGH. it fits so fucking SO FUCKING perfectly for the buckies from masters of the air. like. gale has his sweetheart back home, and john doesn't have anything back home, but he finds his something, his someone in gale, he falls in love with him, and it's this overwhelming, all encompassing kind of love, this tugging, aching kind of thing that fills his chest, sits on top of his lungs, and it makes it kind of hard to breathe sometimes, but john wouldn't trade it for the world, he wouldn't. and he knows it's never going to be reciprocated, because gale's not like him, because gale's got a girl, they're getting married, john's going to be his best man and everything. but that doesn't do anything to tamper those feelings, it doesn't make john yearn any less, and so he has to just live with it. to just get used to that ache behind his ribs and just keep going, keep trucking on. and he does.

and then the unthinkable happens and the war ends, and just like that they're going home. and so gale goes back to wyoming, back to marge, and john goes back to wisconsin, back to, well, nothing, really.

he ends up finding himself this nice plot of land; it's by a lake, with lots of trees, and the nearest neighbors are miles away. it's quiet, and it's secluded, and it's not too terribly far from town. there's a house on the property, a total fixer upper, but john thinks that's maybe exactly what he needs — something to keep him occupied, something to keep his hands busy, something that will require his attention and his energy and might tire him out by day's end, enough that maybe he won't need the bottle to do the trick.

(and if he maybe likes to pretend that he's fixing the place up for a reason, one with blonde hair and blue eyes and the sweetest smile, well, that's nobody's business but his own.)

and the thing is — those thoughts of gale, those feelings for him, they don't disappear. they don't fade away. john had hoped the distance, the not seeing each other every day, the not being in each other's direct orbit might quell some of it. but it doesn't. not even one bit. if anything, they get stronger out here. all that quiet, all that loneliness — it leaves a lot of room for john's mind to run wild.

john has trouble sleeping, too. it's quiet, too quiet, he's used to sharing a room with bunks and bunks of other men, so going from that — snores and whispers and creaking beds and snuffling breaths — to... nothing. it's weird. it's unsettling.

that, and the nightmares. those don't help either.

so john finds himself awake through the night a lot of the time, and, well, if he's up he's going to make the most of it, so he pours himself some whiskey and takes it onto the porch. there's a little swing there, left behind by the previous owners. it hangs from the awning, except the right side isn't so secure anymore, the hook half torn out, so it hangs at a slant. john keeps telling himself he needs to fix it, but it hasn't dropped him yet or ripped the ceiling apart, and he keeps forgetting, so he just doesn't.

it's dark outside, with only the pale shimmer of the moonlight to keep him company. the sound of crickets, too. and john will sip his whiskey and he'll stare up at that moon and he'll — he'll think of gale.

wonder what he's doing. wonder if he's awake too. if he's staring up at that very same moon. he'll wonder if marge is with him, maybe wrapping her arms around him, maybe making him a cup of something warm, maybe holding his hands to stop them from shaking.

john's chest aches something fierce, and the whiskey doesn't help, but he drains the glass anyways. lets it burn down his throat and settle, hot and hurting, in his gut as he thinks about what he'd do if it were him with gale instead. if gale were here with him. if they were together, on this porch, at this house, in this life.

john thinks. john yearns. john gets himself some more whiskey.

(and, of course, it IS a happy ending eventually — gale and marge split, before they get married even, and gale ends up showing up on that doorstep (he knew the address from the scant few letters sent between the two) with his bags, a lopsided smile, and his whole entire heart, all for john.)

[spacesapphi]

"Moving Forward, Spiraling Downward Chapter 11- Through Her Eyes"

OUGH I've been itching to write a chapter that follows Jas for the most part. I feel like her perspective in stories like this is hard to come across, and she doesn't get as much focus as she deserves. Hoping to help remedy that by having a chapter that explores her thought process and ideas on what's happening here. Ty for reading!!!

CWs for this chapter include depictions and talk of mental health issues and mentions of past deaths

Summary: The ranch house has been quiet and solemn far too long for Jas' liking. After a horrible, no good week, Jas gets the opportunity to go on an adventure with the new farmer, exploring the forest and all it has to offer. On the journey she learns more about her family, and grapples with her place in it. And in the end, this experience may be exactly what she needed… and what may help rekindle a friendship that's barely hanging on by a thread.

AO3 Version Here

Tumblr Version Below the Cut

Since the start of May, the ranch had been quiet. Far too quiet for Jas’ liking. Every year it seemed to get like this, she noticed. Shane would get quiet, more closed off than normal. He wouldn’t smile as much, or be as much fun. It had always been a hard time since she could begin to remember. But this year, it was much, much worse. 

Jas waited impatiently by his bedroom door, hoping that today, he would finally come out and talk to her and Marnie. He hadn’t left that room in over a week now, barely spoke a word the entire time. It frustrated her to no end. Whenever she would ask why it was happening she’d get some non-answer, or Marnie would try to change the conversation and distract her. It made her feel like she was being babied, and oh how she hated being babied. She was almost 6 now, whatever was happening she thought she could handle it. Why did no one want to be honest with her?

Pressing her ear up to the bedroom door, she could overhear bits and pieces of the conversation Marnie and Shane had inside, their voices barely a whisper to try to prevent her from overhearing. She knew it wasn’t good manners to eavesdrop, but she just couldn’t help it anymore. She needed to know something.

“Do you think cleaning up might help? This room, it’s... I can help, you know,”

“No… no thank you,”

“Then why don’t you eat? It’s been days, you need something,” 

“I’m fine, honest,”

“Shane-”

“I’m fine,”

“.... Just let me know if you need anything,”

Jas quietly yelped and hopped back as the door suddenly opened, a particularly frustrated Marnie stepping out from Shane’s room. She held a plate in her hand, containing the untouched dinner she had made the evening before, now long spoiled from sitting out overnight. Even if he wasn’t coming out, she always made Shane a plate of whatever she had made. But each and every time, Jas would see it leave the room untouched, not a single bite taken from it.  Shane had often told Jas he didn’t really need to eat, told her it was a ‘superpower’, but Marnie always insisted upon it. Seeing her efforts go to waste hurt, and it was so obvious to Jas. Her great aunt seemed to get more and more frustrated by the day, her demeanor grim.

“Is uncle Shane gonna be okay?”

Marnie sighed, placing the plate down on the counter and kneeling to her level, “He’s just sick right now, sweetpea… He’ll come out soon enough,”

“He didn’t sound sick…” 

“It’s… a different kind of sick,” Marnie explained. She thought for a moment, trying to think of the most age appropriate way to explain this to her, “It’s not like a cold or a fever. His mind isn’t feeling well, and it makes him feel really sad,”

“Oh…” Jas sniffled, looking to the ground, “When will it go away? I miss him,”

“It doesn’t really go away, Jas,” Marnie sighed.

She could see the absolutely horrified and distraught look appear in her grandnieces eyes, immediately following it up with something that would give her hope, “But there’s things we can do to help!”

“Like what?”

“Well, you can just be yourself! You always make everyone so happy, I’m sure that will help,” Marnie started, “But… we can also be patient. Soon he’ll start feeling better, I promise… but why don't you go have fun, now? I’ll take care of things,”

“Yeah….” Jas shrugged, frustrated with yet another vague answer and redirect. Still, she listened, and reluctantly returned to her room. She’d been so bored as of late, growing tired of coloring and playing with her toys. Even running out to look for bugs and explore wasn’t making her happy now. Marnie had been so busy with the animals and the shop, and Shane likely wasn’t getting out of that room anytime soon, so she had to make up her own fun. Ironically, that wasn’t very much fun at all. Sitting in front of her dollhouse, she silently began to rearrange the furniture and dolls inside, setting them up in scenarios to make them look like they had happy little lives in its walls. 

She moved her gaze to the living room and plucked the daughter and papa dolls from their places, holding them both gently in her hands. Looking at them, she felt a twinge of envy at the delicate smiles painted on their porcelain faces. At least they were happy, unburdened by some confusing sadness that lingered in the air. Their wooden house was full of nothing but joy, the gloom of the world unable to touch the fantasy they represented. She delicately placed them down in the nursery room, moving the miniature toys to sit by them, making it look like they were playing. They looked so happy. They looked like a proper family.

At least her dolls papa wouldn’t be sad, wouldn’t lock himself away for days on end, isolating himself from the world and her. Did he understand that she got sad too? Did he understand how much she needed him? She just stared at them, imagining what kind of games they’d play, the fun they’d have. Usually her dolls made her happy, but right now all she could feel was jealousy… maybe even anger. That painted smile on the doll's face almost felt like mockery. Her face twisted in frustration as she grabbed the papa doll from its spot, squeezing it tight before tossing it in the trashcan next to her crafts table. She heard it land on a pile of crumpled papers inside, a worrisome cracking sound ringing out as it hit against the side of the can. She wouldn't even bother to take a look at it.

Feeling alone like this made everything a struggle. She just couldn't mask how she felt anymore. Everyone told Jas she was such a ‘happy and strong little girl’ . It was meant to be a compliment, but it made her feel like she wasn’t being seen. She didn’t want to always be happy. Jas was sad, a lot. She got sad when Shane and Marnie would argue about some problem she didn’t quite understand, when he’d come home too late to read her bedtime stories,  when she saw how empty and hollow his face looked. It never looked like that before they moved here. At least, she didn’t remember it that way. He was struggling, with what she didn’t know, and Marnie just kept telling her she needed to stay strong. But Jas didn’t want to stay strong. She just wanted to be a kid, a kid who needed someone to be strong for her instead. Why did no one seem to get it?

She heard the front door open and close, a muffled conversation wafting through the gap beneath her bedroom door. Based on Marnie’s tone it sounded like it must be a customer, or maybe a villager dropping in to say hi. She wasn’t too interested either way. The conversation seemed to drag forever, Marnie’s tone suddenly growing hushed and more solemn. After a few minutes more a knock rang out on her door, Marnie peeking her head in, a smile on her face.

“Guess what! Möhle  stopped by, and she says you can join them on an adventure today. Doesn’t that sound fun?” She opened the door a bit further, revealing Möhle  to be standing just behind her, hoisting an enormous sling over their shoulders.

“I guess,” Jas shrugged, her face still as stone. Marnie frowned, confusion and concern visible on her face, “You guess…?”

“I dunno…” she huffed, turning back to her dollhouse, staring at the little scenes she had set up, going back into her own little world. Marnie gave Möhle  an apologetic look and moved to sit next to Jas, speaking a bit more softly, “I think you need to get out of the house for a bit… Besides, it’s kind to accept the offer,”

Jas wasn’t exactly in the mood to do much of anything… but maybe Marnie was right. This would at least get her out of the house, with how depressing it all had been. She didn’t want to be sitting here, letting the feeling fester inside her, only multiplied by the way her family was feeling. This would be good for her, she hoped it would be at least. Nodding slowly, she rose from her spot, “Okay…,”

“Make sure you listen and use your manners,” Marnie whispered, giving Jas a knowing look, “Have fun, sweetpea,”

“I will,”

The trudge through Cindersap was mostly quiet, though Jas didn’t exactly mind it. She wasn’t in the mood to chatter, and the little noises of the forest helped ease her mind just a bit. The wind in the leaves, the bugs chirping in the brush, the crunch of twigs and rocks beneath her and Möhle ’s boots; it was a perfect symphony of nature. Eventually they reached a clearing and Möhle  stopped just in front of her, kneeling down to a little patch of what looked to be weeds with tear-drop shaped leaves hanging from their stems. Möhle  pulled a little pair of shears from their sling, motioning to the plant.

“Do you know what these are?” they asked, getting a head shake from Jas. Carefully, Möhle  snipped a sprig of it from the stalk and handed it to her, “It’s purslane! Lucky to find it all the way out here in the valley, you know,”

“What’s that?”

“A medicine plant!” Möhle ’s voice grew just a bit more excited, any talk of foraging exciting them, “You can eat the leaves from it and put it in your food, and it helps you feel better,”

That piqued Jas’ attention, “How? What’s it do?”

“Well, it can help your heart and give you vitamins-” Möhle  started, “- but it can also help your mind! If you get really sad or anxious it can make you feel better,”

Without a second to lose, Jas knelt down and began to grab fistfuls of the plant, only stopping when Möhle  reached out to block her hand, “Oh don’t do that! It hurts the plant,”

“Plants don’t get hurt,” Jas made a confused expression, “They’re not alive!”

“Not like people and animals, but they are alive,” Möhle  explained, “The whole world is! And as much as it takes care of us, we need to take care of it too,”

They looked up, seeing how much shade covered this little grove of Cindersap. It was a surprise that a patch of this plant could grow in this spot given how little sun was getting through the leaves of the tree overlooking it. Standing up, they reached towards some of the lower branches, snipping them out of the way with the shears, “This plant needs lots of sun, so we’re gonna make sure it gets it,”

Jas watched quietly as rays began to shine through the leaves, beaming onto the little leaves of the plant that still sat rooted in the ground. Möhle  returned to sit next to her, smiling softly, “Whenever you forage something, or take something from the woods , you should do something for the plants in return. It’s a way to say ‘thank you’ for all they do for us,”

“They can hear us?” Jas asked, a genuine curiosity in her voice. Möhle  just shrugged, “Sure! There’s all kinds of little creatures and spirits listening and seeing what we do, how we treat the Earth… it’s best to keep them happy,”

“I didn’t know grown-ups believed in magic… Uncle Shane thinks that stuff’s silly,”

“Well I think he’s silly,” Möhle  joked, a laugh trailing at the end, “You know, he used to believe in this kinda stuff, when we were your age,”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah! Believed in all kinds of magic, loved the outdoors. He was a really cool friend,” Möhle  reminisced fondly, “He was a lot like you, honestly,”

“I don’t believe it,” Jas huffed with a pout, “He’s all grumpy now, n’ he thinks magic is for kids,”

Jas curled into herself, mulling that over. The thought that Shane was once a happy little kid, that he was vibrant and believed in magic just as she did, it was so hard to believe. Though, it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen pictures and videos of him when he was a much younger man. He was happier once, he did have a vibrant personality and attitude about him, much different from the man he was today. He seemed to always be like that. He was happy as could be… until…

Until he took her in. Jas was still kept in the dark about nearly everything regarding the incident. All she knew was the names and faces of her parents, quips from the occasional story she’d hear about them. But what happened to them, the events that lead to Shane adopting her, she had no clue. He and Marnie didn’t like to talk about it, not with her at least. They always told her “when you’re older” but she feared she’d never learn the truth. It wasn’t fair. She felt like she had a right to know. It was her family, after all. There had to be a reason they refused to tell her, and her little mind was coming up with the craziest of tales. Möhle  could see the look on her face, the sullen nature of her demeanor. Unlike Jas, they knew something about it. Marnie had run over the basics, told them the most important parts to clue them in to the current situation. They desperately wanted to do something to help boost the mood, and had hoped a little foraging adventure might do the trick. But maybe Jas needed something else, something important. They racked their mind for a good idea, their eyes lighting up as soon as something came to mind. 

“I can prove it to you, you know,”

“How?” Jas questioned, skeptical as ever. Möhle  just grinned, shoving the bundle of foraged purslane into their sling, nodding their head to the side, “We’ll just have to go on another adventure to see!

-----------------

Marnie stepped back into the kitchen from the door attached to the barn, dusting stray pieces of straw from her sleeves and skirt. No matter how careful she was, she always seemed to find herself a mess by the time she was done tending to the animals. They all seemed antsy today, like they could pick up on the energy in the house. Especially upset was Charlie, who dearly missed her friend and was confused by his absence, the poor thing. Marnie looked back up, surprised to see Shane sitting at the table, staring out the window on his lonesome with something in his hand. He’d managed to eventually convince himself to get up and put on something clean for the first time in days. As simple as those tasks could be for some people, Shane felt very accomplished in being able to do while in this state, no matter how small the feat seemed to others. Marnie sat across from him, speaking carefully, “Feeling any better?”

Shane shook his head, continuing to stare out the window, “Just… didn’t want to be in there anymore. I heard Jas this mornin’, I know I’ve been upsettin’ you both,”

“It’s understandable… I know the anniversary is coming up.”

Five years. It had been five years now since it all happened. No matter how much time passed, seeing the anniversary date approach made Shane feel like he was tearing a wound back open, letting it bleed out once more and barely allowing it to heal again before the day came back around. He never had the chance to react in this manner before. From day one, he had to be responsible, completely and permanently alter his life and learn to adjust within days. He had no time to grieve, he didn’t have a moment to himself to do so properly. This wasn’t a role he never saw himself taking, a role and life he didn’t want. Shane was so immature back then, an obnoxious twenty five year old with big dreams and a childish personality. He could’ve never imagined himself in the spot he was today.

From a young age, he had decided he would never settle down. He thought he wouldn’t have any interest in starting a family, at most maybe getting married to someone he clicked with down the line. The life of a future pro-gridball player was just too fast and busy to even think about something like that for himself. When Jay and Amelia told him they were having a baby, he was excited to just be a fun uncle. He wanted to be the kind of guy who would let her break silly little rules like ice cream before dinner, take her on fun day trips and adventures occasionally, spoil her rotten on holidays and birthdays. That’s all he wanted. And while he would never regret the decision to take in Jas, he grieved that it had to be done in the first place. He grieved how much he was failing her, her parents, and Marnie.

“It’s not just that,”

“Then what is it?”

Shane revealed what was in his hand, the little papa doll Jas had discarded. His face was cracked down the middle, the paint beginning to chip away near the broken edges. Jas always gave him that very same doll whenever she asked him to play with her, the one she would say was him, “I went to go look for her and found this in her trash can,” he muttered. Marnie took the little doll in her hands, feeling her heart tighten just a bit as she touched the broken edges along the face. Besides the memories she had attached to that set of dolls, she knew what Shane was getting at, what this must mean to him.

“I’m failing her so much. I-I didn’t want her to know things were this bad, or for it to affect her but…” he held his head in his hands, exhaling deeply, “I’m worried she might hate me now. And I don’t blame her.”

“She doesn’t hate you…”

“Then why would she do that?” Shane spat, “It’s not like I don’t give her reasons to. I raised her in a shitty studio apartment and just fell the fuck apart when I moved back here. That girl hasn’t had a single day of her life that was normal. She should have her parents, a nice house and everythin’ she could ever want. But she doesn’t and it’s my fault,”

“Shane,” Marnie’s voice got stern, “You know what happened wasn’t your fault. How were you supposed to prevent that? It was someone else being sel-”

“I told Jay to take that route home! I insisted, even when Amelia said no!”  his mind went back to that night, remembering the unease in Amelia’s voice, how awful he sounded when he insisted this route would be faster, that this would get them home with no trouble. But now they would never be able to go home again, and for that, he entirely blamed himself.

“I never listen to people when it matters… I was so fuckin’ impatient.” he muttered. His impatience was yet another vice, and possibly the one that had cost him the most in his life. One small moment of it cost him his dreams of going pro, and took the lives of some of the dearest people in his life. It took him away too, if he was honest. The man he used to be died with them that day, and both he and Marnie knew he wasn’t coming back anytime soon. 

She walked up to his chair, enveloping him in a tight side hug, “You can’t change the past, or blame yourself for it… but you do have control of your future. You can do better, for her and yourself. You’re at a point where this isn’t too late to fix, you have a chance…  Make it count, schatz,”

Shane nodded silently, leaning into the embrace. Marnie was correct as always. He did have control of the future. He could change it. Today wasn’t going to be his day, he knew. And he likely wouldn’t be able to crawl out of this pit for some time, but he could try. He would try. Jas deserved that much at least.

-------------------

“I know it’s here somewhere…”

Möhle  had taken Jas over the bridge on the river, searching through the overgrown expanse of the woods for that old abandoned building, the clubhouse that the original group of kids in town had claimed as their own. The forest was so different from how they remembered though, the shape of the forest ever-changing with time. It took much searching before they eventually found the wooden siding of the old house peeking through some ivy, completely engulfed in the surrounding fauna. They could see that little pile of cans Shane had left behind just a week ago as well, not realizing that night that the two of them were so close to the old house. They turned to Jas, patting the side of the old house. 

“This is where everyone used to hang out when we were kids! Our little clubhouse,”

“Isn’t it… dangerous?”

“Probably,” Möhle  shrugged, “But everyone needs a little danger now and then,” 

They reached for the rusted handle of the dilapidated building, carefully pulling the front door open from the spot it had rested for decades. The stale smell of dust and age immediately swept over both of them, the building very obviously remaining untouched since the last time Möhle  had seen it. They reached for the little plastic lantern they had left here all those years ago, pleasantly surprised to find the batteries still had charge to them. 

The interior wasn’t much different. Those same fairy lights and posters hung from the walls, beanbags and furniture sitting in their proper spots. There was the presence of bugs and spiderwebs of course, as well as plants sneaking their way in, and oddly enough… hats? Lots and lots of hats. They looked fairly new, confusing Möhle  to no end. They shook their head, and motioned around the clubhouse to Jas, “This is where we would all hang out! All of our old stuff is still here, I think,”

Jas took a look around at the little time capsule as Möhle  dug around for something in the bins sat in the corner. She had no idea something like this was even over this way! Though, it wasn’t like she was really allowed over here, anyways. Going beyond the river alone was something forbidden to both her and Vincent, meaning she didn’t get many chances to explore over this way. But seeing all of this, it was so intriguing to the girl. So many old memories, a little space frozen in time that she had just found. She tried to imagine all the older folks in town as kids, using this old building as their little clubhouse, running around just like she and Vincent would. It was a funny thought to her, honestly.

Unbeknownst to the both of them, an unexpected visitor was approaching the old house. In an attempt to regain some normalcy in his routine, Shane had taken the venture out towards the cliffside, for fresh air and to possibly snag something from his stash. Seeing the sun for the first time in so long felt strange, but it wasn’t unwelcome. He needed this, this sense of peace and quiet.

It was an understatement to say he was surprised to hear voices and rustling inside the building, and ones he recognized at that. Who would be using the old building again, after all this time? Stepping carefully, he peeked through a near pinhole in the siding, catching a small glimpse of Möhle  and Jas inside. What were they doing in there? He was intent to find out, staying still as a statue in his spot as he listened in. 

Möhle  made a little ‘a-ha’ sound as they pulled out an old notebook, stuffed to the brim with papers and photos, “Knew it would still be here!” they mused. Opening its dusty cover unveiled a vibrant scrapbook, signed in the top corner by Emily in glittery ink. Möhle  waved Jas over to look inside, delicately flipping through the pages. Cut out photos of old escapades, festivals and events littered each paper, a beautiful collage of their lives. Jas had never seen most of these photos before, training her eyes to a familiar purple-haired boy in each and every one. Just like he always did in old photos, he looked so happy. He looked full of life, imagination and wonder. Jas couldn’t remember a time where she’d seen him look that way, not once in her life. He’d smiled and been happy, sure, but never like this. No matter how happy he got now, he was still so visibly exhausted and shaken, and it dampened every positive emotion he felt. 

Möhle  stopped flipping through the pages when they heard her begin to sniffle, the poor girl on the verge of tears. Placing down the scrapbook they looped an arm around her, pulling her into a safe and comforting embrace, “Why are you crying? It’s just photos,”

It took Jas a moment to collect herself, her thoughts going a mile a minute. Seeing all the old photos, it brought up those nasty thoughts and reasons her mind had come up with for Shane’s behavior. Jas was a smart girl, and picked up patterns and connections fast. And she had noticed quickly that he didn’t start looking this awful until she began to live with him. She had never told anyone how it made her feel, what it made her think about herself, Shane, and Marnie… Not until now.

“I-I ruined everythin’...” she cried, burrowing her head into her knees. Möhle  looked to her in horror, unable to understand what she was talking about. 

“Jas what do you mean? How would that be possible?”

Jas pointed to one of the pictures in the book, hiccuping as she cried, “Everyone was so happy… Uncle Shane was happy n’ then I ruined everythin’! He’s not happy anymore n’ it’s my fault!”

“I promise you it’s not,” Möhle  assured, thinking back to all Marnie had told them just that afternoon, “That couldn’t be further from the truth, really,”

“I’m not stupid or a baby!” Jas complained, “I hate when everyone lies to me n’ tells me to ‘not worry about it’ cuz I do! No one tells me what happened or why everyone’s so sad… it’s gotta be cuz its my fault,”

Möhle  only held her tight, letting her get it all out. It was obvious she just needed to say how she was feeling, let the world know what was weighing on her poor little heart before anyone could begin to comfort her, even if her words broke their own. No one should feel like this, especially her. Jas was so little, far too young to have the weight of this guilt on her shoulders. But she did, and it was so hard for her to grasp.

“I think he hates being my uncle…” she whispered out with a warble.

The little house got quiet, the only sound being Jas’ sniffling. Outside, Shane had to bite down on his hand to keep himself from making any sound, from crying himself. He had thought Jas must hate him for how he was acting, but knowing that she thought he hated her broke his heart even harder. It was devastating to know that his actions had even given her that idea, that the thought even crossed her mind. He wanted nothing more than to just run in there, scoop her up and apologize for ever making her feel unloved. Shane had spent so much of his life feeling uncared for to know he never wanted to be the reason anyone else felt that way. Slowly stepping away from the house, he ran through the words in his head, wondering how he could possibly salvage this now.

“Jas, do you know how I know that’s not true?” Möhle  asked, getting a confused look from her, “How?”

“Because everytime he talks about you, he brags sooo much,” Möhle  smirked, “He was just tellin’ Ms. Emily the other day about how smart you were, how proud he is of you doin’ so well in class. He never has a bad word to say about you,”

“Never ever?”

“Never ever,” Möhle  repeated. They sighed softly, looking to her with the most serious expression, “Look… I think he and Marnie might kill me if I was the person to tell you everything… but I promise you there’s so much more to this, so much more than you know. But you’re a little kid, and I think they’re worried it’ll scare you,”

“But I’m scared now,” Jas grumbled, “Uncle Shane always drinks this smelly stuff that makes him sad, n’ then he n’ aendi fight about it and he gets even more sad… And I’m sad too. He’s not fun anymore… He doesn’t play or read stories. He comes home late n’ leaves reaaaaal early… I don’t like it,”

“I know it’s tough, especially for a kid, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault,” Möhle  stated, “There’s nothin’ you could do to make anyone hate you. You’re a good kid, Jasmyne,”

“You promise?” Jas held up her pinkie finger, looking to Möhle  intently, scanning their face to see if they were really telling the truth.

“Of course,” Möhle  linked their pinkie, giving her a short nod, “Why don’t you talk to them about it? I think you should hear it from them too,”

“What if it makes them upset?”

“It might,” Möhle  was honest, shrugging as they spoke, “But if they do… they’ll get glad again. And you’ll be glad you talked to them, right?”

“Yeah… I guess,” Jas mused, her tears finally stopping. She wasn’t sure how much she trusted Möhle  exactly. They too could be trying to give her non-answers or redirect her from the answers she wanted. But she wanted to trust them. She wanted to trust that someone was telling her the truth in some capacity. Jas was so tired of being kept in the dark about important things that were obviously affecting her too. She was tired of living like this, watching everyone around her on the brink of crumbling every passing day. She didn’t want to be a rock anymore, the one thing that stood tall and stayed happy in that house. But she had to verbalize it, just like Möhle  said. No matter how Shane or Marnie felt about it, she needed to get this off her chest before the weight of it squashed her. 

Soon, the pair began to make their way back to the ranch, Jas feeling slightly more talkative than before as they made their journey towards home. She discussed foraging and bugs with Möhle , the two of them exchanging fun facts and tidbits they had picked up over time with each other. There was still an air of unease, an air of pain that followed her. It was one she didn’t see going away that easily. But for the first time in over a week, Jas walked back into that ranch house without feeling absolute dread, and for that, she was grateful. Giving Möhle  a wave goodbye, she turned her attention to the foyer, startled to see Shane standing there as if he was waiting. He looked exhausted, as expected, but he was smiling even still, like he was glad she was home. She immediately ran to him, hugging him tight as overwhelming emotion rolled over her.

“Are you all better now?!” she asked, giving him a hopeful look. Shane shrugged, a tired smile on his face, “I’m gettin’ there… but yeah, I’m feelin’ better,”

“Good!... Can we go play then? It’s been forever,” Jas pleaded, hoping, praying he would say yes. Shane gave her a look motioning his head towards the kitchen, “Dinner first, okay? Aendi worked really hard on it,”

“Pleaaaaase,”

“Jasmyne,” Shane warned, giving her a knowing look. Eventually she relented, making her way to the table with reluctance. 

Though she was excited to play, Jas savored every moment of their family dinner. Seeing Marnie look relieved that all of them were together, actually being able to talk to Shane after so long… it made things feel normal. It made them feel right. She could swear they even looked happy, that heavy air of gloom gone from the home at that moment. There were smiles, nice conversation accompanying it. It had been so difficult for so long, this house being long broken and wounded. But everyone coming together, all of them having this moment together, this was working towards healing. Each person in this house had a role to play in this happiness, and finally, it was coming to them. Jas hadn’t felt this peaceful in so long, and she appreciated it more than she could ever express. This was what she wanted, and oh how happy she was to have it. 

After dinner Jas had immediately run to get the game she wanted to play set up. She’d recently gotten into an interest for hair and makeup, but unfortunately was left with few people to test it on. Luckily for her, Shane was a very willing subject for her to use as a canvas, letting her cook up her most fashionable ideas. After what felt like hours of being jabbed at by brushes and clips, Jas had finally finished, looking very impressed with the results.

“There!” Jas stood back to admire her work, proud as ever, “All done!”

Shane looked at himself in the little plastic mirror she gave him, taking in the sight of the makeup and stickers Jas had plastered on his face, the bows and barrettes she'd put in his hair. His eyes were haloed with the brightest blue powder, lips absolutely coated in a rich red lipstick. She'd put something glittery in his stubble as well, speckles shimmering as he turned his head to get a better look. Jas looked on eagerly, clasping her hands together as she tried to judge his reaction. She'd pulled all the stops for this look, showing off every bit of her artistic skill she'd honed through her life. It was her best masterpiece yet! Finally, Shane put the mirror down, clearing his throat.

“I'm gonna be honest with you, Jas…”

Her face fell for just a moment, arms dropping to her side, “What…?”

“I have never been more beautiful in my entire life,”

The giddiness was instantly visible on Jas' face, the pride coming back along with it. He liked it, she did a good job after all! She couldn't be more happy with herself, her heart welling with a boastful joy. 

“I know!” she put her hands on her hips, smiling with full confidence, “I'm gonna be the best makeup artist in the world when I'm a grown-up!”

“Well don't forget your ol’ uncle when you're famous, okay?” Shane laughed, placing the mirror to the side, “Now how about we get this off and get ready for bed, hmm?”

“Aww can’t you keep it?” Jas whined, “I spent like… a bajillion hours on it!” she threw her hands up in the air for emphasis, frowning in annoyance.

“I know kiddo, but Uncle Shane has work tomorrow,” he sighed dramatically, feigning disappointment, “It’s beautiful, really! But my boss will get mad,”

“Well I think your boss is silly,” Jas folded her arms, a cross expression on her face. Shane nodded in agreement, “Morris is silly, isn’t he?”

“Can we just keep it a teeny bit longer?” Jas begged, “Pleeeease?”

Shane gave her a look, Jas sighing in defeat, “Okay…”

“Get yourself ready and I’ll be back soon to say goodnight,”

“Can you read a story too?”

“Sure! Pick somethin’ out, I’ll be right back,”

Stepping into the bathroom to get himself washed off, Shane finally allowed himself to laugh just a bit at the look Jas had dressed him in. He wouldn’t dare crush her dreams or artistic spirit by doing so in front of her, not in a million years, but he let himself have one quick laugh now before washing it all off. He looked like a clown, but if it made her happy he’d gladly sit through having his makeup done again and again. As it washed off, so did the giddy feeling that was in his heart. He kept replaying today's events and Jas’ words in his head. He felt ready to vomit. 

He needed a way to prove to Jas that what she thought wasn’t true. But with what? Words weren’t enough, that much he knew. There had to be something that would prove to Jas that she was cared for, that she wasn’t at fault for any of this. He racked his brain for so long before an idea came to mind, a wonderful idea at that. Leaving the bathroom he made a quick stop to grab something before returning to Jas, something he was sure would help. 

By the time he returned she was already dressed and curled up in bed, holding a picture book in her arms. She looked confused when she saw the binder in his hands, furrowing her brows, “What’s that for?”

“I think I have a different story I wanna show you tonight, Jas,” Shane explained. He sat next to the bedside, cracking open the old binder to reveal pages upon pages of photos inside, much like the ones Möhle  had shown her earlier. She peered in, seeing pictures of her parents and a younger Shane, and what looked to be her as a newborn baby. They all looked so happy… especially Shane. He pointed to a picture of him holding her, the cheesiest smile on his face, “This is the first time I saw you!” he explained, moving his finger over to a similar picture with Shane seemingly ugly crying, “And that is right after your dad asked me to be your godfather. He told me about it and immediately took a photo. He teased me about this forever,”

“You cried?”

“Yeah! A good cry, though.” Shane assured, “I didn’t expect him to say that… it was the biggest honor anyone’s ever given me, actually,”

He flipped through a few more pages, letting Jas see pictures from holidays, birthdays, family outings and events. She had no memory of any of them, but she could tell by the way everyone looked that she was so loved, and that they were happy. Everyone was happy even when she was there. Maybe even because she was there. Soon, pictures with her parents in them ceased to show up in pages, and the Shane she knew began to show his face. That tired, haggard man she had been raised by was now seen. But even still, the pictures still looked… happy. 

Shane stopped at a page with photos from her first birthday party. It looked to be a simple event, few decorations and even fewer guests, only Shane and Marnie celebrating the event. But importantly, they looked happy to be there, happy to be celebrating her and her life. As tired as Shane looked in them, he seemed genuinely glad, just like he did in the pages before. He looked back up to Jas, giving her a guilty and apologetic look.

“Jas… I wanted to show you this because… I heard what you and Möhle  said today,” he saw her grow pale, an almost fear-like expression on her face. He immediately held up a hand to try to calm her, “I’m not angry or upset about it, I promise… I just wanted to talk about it,”

He took a deep breath, trying to figure out just how he wanted to say this, “Jasmyne I am so sorry that I ever made you even think that me and aendi didn’t love you, or that any of this was your fault. It isn’t, and it never will be,”

“... You just look so sad, n’ you didn’t look like that before,” Jas explained, looking away from him, “I dunno…”

“I think maybe I should tell you the truth… as much of it as I can,” Shane took a deep breath, “Your mom and dad, they were everything to me. Just like a brother n’ sister, actually. All my life I only had aendi as my family. My mom is gone too, and I dunno who my dad is, so it was just us until I met them. They were my best friends, and when they died, I went back to only havin’ aendi again. Only aendi and you,”

Jas nodded in understanding, “So… you’re just sad cuz they’re gone? Not cuz of me?”

“Exactly,” Shane assured, “I regret a lot of things, but takin’ you in isn’t one of them, Jassy. I mean it. Me and aendi both love you so much…. And I’m sorry if I don’t tell you that enough… Can you forgive me for that?”

Jas immediately sat up and pulled him into a hug, trying her hardest not to cry, “I love you guys too,” 

Shane quickly returned the embrace, also trying not to cry. The both of them needed this, more than anyone could say. This family had been so broken since the beginning, and only now was that being confronted. Only now was healing starting to begin. There was still so much Shane wanted to tell Jas; about her parents, about his past, about why he acted the way he did, but he couldn’t yet. Not now, but someday. It would be a long, long time until this family was healed, the light at the end of the tunnel so dim now. But eventually, with time, all would be okay again. They both hoped so, at least. 

“Time to sleep now though, okay? Got a loooong day tomorrow,” Shane droned, “And Uncle Shane’s got a real angry boss to talk to. Morris is not happy with me right now,”

Jas settled back into bed, giggling softly, “Tell him he’s stupid,”

“Not unless you don’t want anymore Ferngill Princess dolls, I won’t,” Shane snorted, “We just gotta put up with him for now okay? At least until I win the lottery,”

That got a little giggle out of Jas, followed by a small, sleepy yawn, “Okay… g’night Uncle Shane,”

“G’night, Jassy,”

Flipping off the lightswitch and ensuring her nighlight was plugged in, Shane stepped out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. Though he felt much more relieved after that talk, he couldn’t exactly get the events from earlier out of his mind… though for a much different reason. The way Möhle  jumped in so quickly to try and comfort Jas, the way they were able to make her feel just a bit better in that moment… It made him feel better honestly. And oddly enough, even worse. He had been awful to them that first night they were back, treated them like a stranger, like someone undeserving of respect. And even with that, they were still quick to comfort Jas, quick to defend how much he cared for his family. He didn’t know what he did to deserve that, but in the spirit of being communicative, he felt the urge to talk to them about it. He needed to. With no small effort, he forced himself out the door and towards the road to the old Stofultz farm, a deep, nervous pit in his stomach..

It took Shane quite a bit of effort to force himself towards the door, going back and forth with himself in his mind quite a bit. He wanted to do this, needed to. He wanted to try and make things right. But he also just wanted to run away. It was the easy thing to do, after all. But Marnie had always told him that nothing that was worth it came easily. No matter how hard this was for him, he had to do it.

A timid knock rang out on Möhle ’s door, pulling them from their spot in the kitchen. Making their way to the opening of the old home, they opened the door, happy to find Shane standing there. He looked nervous beyond belief, face pink in embarrassment. They pretended not to notice, giving him a slightly skeptical look as they leaned against the wooden frame, “Huh. Thought you didn’t wanna talk to me,”

“Yeah, I-... I know I said that, but-” Shane steepled his fingers, biting his lip as he looked to the side, searching for his words. Oh Yoba he was fucking this up again. Möhle  raised a brow tilting their head to the side as he tried to re-rail his thoughts. His face shone in the glow of the lantern outside the door, giving them a good view of his round, stubbled face. They tried to fight off a smile, covering their mouth as they laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“You got a lil somethin’ on…” Möhle  motioned across their face, “everywhere, actually,”

“Yeah, yeah…” Shane shrugged, “Let my kid play makeover earlier and that stuff stains. It’ll fade tomorrow,”

“Ahh…” Möhle  mused, nodding slowly. They gave him a more genuine smile, motioning their head towards the inside of the farmhouse, “Do you… want to come inside?”

“... Yeah, actually. I think I’d like that,”

The inside of the Stofultz farmhouse wasn’t much different than Shane remembered. It was fairly large, 2 bedrooms, an open kitchen and living room area with decorated wooden pillars placed for support. The same faded red wallpaper with paisley designs was plastered to the wall, electric brass sconces mounted to the walls. Memories of the nights he’d come over with Marnie so she could talk business with the old farmer came back vividly. He could practically hear the two of them talking now.

Möhle  pulled out a chair for him, sitting across on the opposite side of the kitchen table, “You look upset. And you know if I can tell, it’s bad. What’s going on?”

“It’s about Jas. Sort of,” Shane admitted, “It’s been…. Hard. Now more than ever, and I know I’ve been slackin’,” He folded his hands together, looking down at the table, “I haven’t been to work in days. This is… actually the first time I’ve left my room in a while.”

He paused for a moment to collect his thoughts, trying to decide what he even wanted to tell them at this point, how much he wanted to open up, “My aunt.. She hasn’t told you anything, right? About Jas?”

“She has, actually,” Möhle  admitted, giving him a deeply sympathetic look, “I’m so sorry,”

He grumbled, pinching his nose in frustration. For once he’d just like to be able to tell people the situation on his own terms, but it seemed everyone in town just about knew his story. Sighing, he shook his head, “Yeah… Listen, I’m not lookin’ for sympathy, I just…eugh,”

“You know, Jas told me about things today-”

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk about,” Shane blurted out, not exactly intending to cut them off, “Sorry… I just- I heard what you said to her. And… I wanted to thank you for that, really. I think she needed to hear that.”

He drummed his fingers on the table, looking down nervously, “I-I know you must think I’m some kind of piece of shit if that’s what she thinks of me. I’m not a great godfather, I have no fuckin’ clue what I’m doin’ still. I didn’t think I’d ever have a kid, or raise one… and I didn’t have time to cope before takin’ that role.” he scoffed bitterly, “It was just that the accident happened and as soon as I came to, I was plannin’ two funerals and tryin’ to raise a baby while I was injured. It’s… a lot,”

“Well I don’t think you’re a piece of shit, honestly. Kids are sensitive and misunderstand things… She jumped to a conclusion based on what little she knew,” Möhle  shrugged, “But… I’m glad you’re tryin’. Really.”

“Thanks…”

“Surprised you’re talkin’ to me about it though… You just told me last week that I felt like a stranger and you didn’t want to get to know me again,”

“I was lying, okay?” Shane threw up his hands, “I just didn’t want you to see me like this. I’m embarrassed as it is and I didn’t want you to look at me the way everyone else does,”

He looked to them, seeing the disappointed expression on their face. It was the same one everyone seemed to look at him with, the one that made him feel like such a fuck-up. He motioned towards them in exasperation, “Like that!... I don’t want to be a disappointment to another person. I’ve done enough of that to last a lifetime,”

Shane sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’ve just been thinkin’ about the past few years a lot and… I know I need to do better. I’m letting everyone down, especially Jas, and I don’t want to.” his voice got quieter, his tone reminiscent of a scared childs, “I don’t know what to do and it sucks”

“I’m sure it’ll get easier… this stuff takes time,” Möhle  reached over across the table, cautiously reaching for his hand. They didn’t know if they were misreading the mood, like they often tended to do, but something about this just felt right. Shane didn’t seem to mind, letting their strong, calloused hand rest upon his. There was a silence between them, but it was much more comfortable than the one at the cliffs. It felt right. 

“This isn’t just about that though, is it?”

“No.” Shane admitted. He looked them in the eye for the first time that night, “I’m… sorry… So sorry. I was an asshole to you. I-I was also really drunk but that’s not an excuse… But I think I changed my mind about… You know,”

“Then let’s try again,” Möhle  smiled, leaning in closer, “I’d still like to get to know this new Shane, I think,”

“Even if he’s a total dick?”

“Even though he’s a total dick,” Möhle  joked, stifling off a bit of laughter.

Shane scoffed lightly, staring back down at their entwined hands. Normally he’d pull back, grumble something about personal space, but tonight he didn’t. He had no clue what was up with him, why this felt so right, but for once he didn’t want to question things. In a period of time that was eclipsed by mourning over lost friendships, regaining an old friend, a good friend, healed something in him just a bit. He felt their strong fingers entwined between his, a familiar warmth radiating from them. It reached his heart in ways he didn’t truly understand, at least not yet. 

The road ahead was long and uncertain, the only guarantees being a multitude of bumps and ditches peppered throughout it. But maybe if he allowed another person into his heart, it would get easier to navigate. Maybe he’d have a chance. 

[viriborne]

If you're still doing the character opinion thing-- Beel and Belphie? I feel like they're less liked in the fandom for two very diff reasons lol

Ough this is gonna be tough since I don't really like or dislike Beel ig? It's honestly mostly just how he's written with very little substance but ok here we go.

For Beel, I think he's a very VERY easy character interpret since...85% of his lines are usually about food...which can be very annoying for anyone who wants him to be of more substance (which he has the potential for being but uh. writing). I may just be projecting my own feelings but I feel like the main reason that Beel, in specific, is low in the rankings is because a lot of people just think he's...very boring and predictable. He was a character of substance in season 1 when he opened up to Mc about his guilt of choosing to save Belphegor over Lilith in the war and the fear of having his twin taken away from him and imprisoned by Diavolo. After that... he just because the food guy, honestly. I think him being one of the only brothers that openly cares deeply about his family is definitely interesting but it's not expanded upon nearly enough.

Also, I feel like the devs kind of...shifted his personality after the first season? Like he's much nicer and portrayed as more "sweet" than he was at the beginning?? I mean, in the first manga released from like.. the end of 2020 to the beginning of 2021, he literally tells Mammon to "shut up, man" when he was having an outburst. Idk, he doesn't seem to be as blunt and speak his mind as often. Hell, he was even the first character to point out that Mammon is soft on Mc and that was BEFORE Leviathan's pact. He goads Mammon into going through with stealing something from Mc and then points out that he knows he won't do it because Mammon likes them.

Onto Belphegor! My dearest dickhead whose head I wanna put in a blender. He very much as a severe case of youngest sibling syndrome despite him and Beel being...the same age. Even when you get past the whole "actually killing you" thing, he's still a massive asshole lol. Though, it's very funny seeing Lucifer fans hate Belphegor for the murder and occasional rudeness when uhhh I hate to say it but Lucifer is significantly worse in both departments. First of all, Lucifer canonically: beats you until pass out, attempts to murder you MORE THAN ONCE, one of these murder attempts happens almost immediately after he almost admits that he loves you, has a very hard time taking "no" for an answer (cough pact scene), has a massive ego that needs to constantly be stroked, I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS but this is about Belphie not him.

Despite all the shit I've talked about him so far, he's literally my third favorite brother lol. I like how blunt he can be at times as well as how he sometimes seems to goad Mc in order to just have their attention on him. He's a selfish little prick but only because he wants your attention, he's honestly almost as bad as Mammon in that way. I really wish more people would explore his character like that since he really is very sweet on Mc when you look at it. He really just seems like someone who's main way of flirting is teasing lol.

Also he's shy as hell when you actually give him what he wants, which is another funny Mammon similarity.

[radioprune]

tagged by my friend maddie @leonardcohenofficial to answer these 20 Qs for fic writers!! yay thank you :-) i'll tag @fieryphrazes @stupidredsuspenders @ghostpunkrock if you'd like!

How many works do you have on Ao3? 26, they tell me

What's your total Ao3 word count? 400,467. oh my

What fandoms do you write for? mash of course but i also have a couple of star wars things including the time travel fic that i promise will get done eventually

What are your top five fics by kudos? or, the children's crusade, maple syrup, breathe fresh air ever after, hawkeye, why hawkeye, i now pronounce you pierce and hunnicutt

Do you respond to comments? i really try to even if it takes 100 years

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? hmmm. i really rarely don't write a happy ending but maybe breathe fresh air ever after aka the one where daniel pierce watches "the interview." the truman show AU and the one where it's all a dream also are both kind of bleak

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? all the long ones with a bj goes to maine element i think are kind of equally happy so maple syrup, hyh, but also you deserve the best, the hawkmarg friendship inspired fic that was the first mash fic idea i ever had

Do you get hate on fics? not to my face tho i sometimes wonder if mutuals in law have me blocked bc of any perceived bad takes in my writing

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? not habitually, but ive written some in my opinion narratively relevant sex scenes lol

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? closest i've come is incorporating elements of the catch-22 universe into mash stuff, and i have a broader outline for a real mash-22 crossover that i'd like to actually write one day

Have you ever had a fic stolen? ok funny yeah i was just telling della about this but like. not word for word like copy pasted but i was reading a hawkeye margaret friendship fic a while ago and was really enjoying it and then realized it was beat for beat copying my hawkmarg bestfriends fic 😭 right down to including references to the communist manifesto

Have you ever had a fic translated? i don't believe so but that would be cool!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? not really, i've thrown ideas around with people especially like with noirhawk stuff but it never really coalesced

What’s your all time favorite ship? i don't knowwwww. when i was a teenager the doctor/rose was literally so important to me and honestly i was surprised at how much i cried at doomsday upon rewatch. i possibly care more about the hawkeye/margaret friendship dynamic than i do about beejhawk

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? ooh my idea for a mash tv show/movie crossover which i have some good dialogue written for and would love to be able to bring to fruition but i just dont think it's gonna happen

What are your writing strengths? i think dialogue for sure, and when it comes to fic in particular (like as opposed to my original writing) i think i'm good at character studies/keeping things very realistic and in character

What are your writing weaknesses? bc when i write as a hobby i write mostly plays, i sometimes catch myself writing prose like that, like just dialogue and what amounts to stage directions. i have to make myself think about when some internal monologue might be good, how to make things actually sound good instead of just being practical

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? you guys know i love to throw lots of yiddish in there. i wouldn't be able to write real dialogue in another language unless the character had an eighth grade level spanish education or was trying to say "the farmer is my friend" in latin

First fandom you wrote for? star wars 👍

Favorite fic you’ve written? ough hard to choose. i have to shout out mind field bc i somehow haven't mentioned it yet and the experience of writing it was so surreal and was just genuinely me trying to convey how it had felt to be in my brain for a year or so through projecting onto hawkeye. and the fact that everyone liked it was bonus. BUT my actually favorite might be with friends like these, who needs enemies?, my hawkeye/margaret slow burn friendship fic and margaret deep dive. i want to make everyone read it and care about them as much as i do mwah

[flame-cat]

okay kim stans, now that I have your attention I'm dropping a fic idea that I'll never ever make. free to a good home. kisses kisses kisses <3

kind of smashing together a bunch of little ideas I've shown off and also kept in my brain privately for fun-having reasons. it's kind of just my dissertation on why kim is absolutely pathetic when you take down his walls. he's a tin soldier. nothing but thin walls and hollow insides. <- OUGH THATS GOOD USING THAT AT SOME POINT

so basically vague handwavey idea that I think its some time into like, the point a lot of the meta-fandom narrative has gotten to, some time down the line after a lot of the initial Mess post-martinaise smooths out into something that looks normalish, or at least isn't an immediate crisis. harry is on a sober streak, [the Hetero-Sexual Life Partners are at the very least not constantly trying to kill each other (kim has had a Talk with Jean, who is mostly just privately seething and malding now and feeling incredibly sorry for himself). ] <OR> [there was an Incident where Jean got really REALLY sorry for himself and made a whole fucking scene and basically tried to kill himself, heavily based on a fic i read (called Trigger Warning) it kinda woobifies jean a bit but other than that its soooo fucking good but tl;dr the jobwives have made up and ] kim and jean are kind of both Harry's partner in ways? jean is still a satellite officer but a lot of times he gets paired up with Harry and kim and they're kind of the nightmare blunt rotation right now.

soooo again handwaves somehow one of the old cases Kim's partner left behind that was left cold picks up a lead again out of the blue and Kim is. well. he's normally a workaholic but this is intense even for him. like Jesus. nobody at the 41st has seen him like this. he doesn't sleep for days on end. (maybe he picks up speed? from jean? he considers doing it in-game to improve his Performance so I don't think thats above him).

anyway rock meet hard place Harry finally gets the poor sod to take a god damn break and go home, he and jean can sort out his disaster area of a desk and cover for him. Kim obliges, goes home and- OH SHIT WHO IS THAT! uhhh its all very vague in my head here but tl;dr Kim gets jumped maybe? nd this was all some sort of like. Ploy? to uhh . idk I think maybe the moralintern is involved in ways. but uh eyes is alive and was an espionage and faked his death and is now like. idrk yet if He stabbed Kim or what, or why its all even. happening in the first place. and tbh its not important to me cause I'm never gonna write it, I don't plan to its just something to play with at night to fall asleep.

important bit is now Kim is Leaking Everywhere and well. doesn't exactly have time to call gotlieb. so. he stitches himself up (NOT THAT WELL) and trudges back to the precinct to report to pryce. understandably people are freaked out by the Blood and stuff. harry comes with Kim to the briefing. shit gets Revealed. Kim dissociate. harry is like uhhhh okay well his home isn't safe anymore. jean can he crash on your couch can you drive us there while I sit in the back with him. and jean is like. fuck. okay. and yeah Kim kinda comes back into it on the ride there, has a Teensy Weensy (HUGEBADMASSIVE) panic attack, eventually calms down enough to clamber out of the car and. jeans apartment is 4 floors up and there's no elevator. hell on earth. Kim refuses to be helped up but 2 floors up he trips and let's jean help him, then they get to the top and Kim is like. Jean. and jean is like what- ohgodyoureunconsciousnowokayharryopenthedoor. and uhhh the rest is pure self indulgent "the boys nurse him back to health mwah" but way messier obvs. like fully "ok I have to take out the stitches you did and restitch you, throw back this glass of whiskey and try not to vomit on me. oh well he passed out. at least he's not feeling it?" and yeah.

anyway there's a Conversation between jean and harry at one point because the through line here is that harry is trying to keep his Boys safe but he doesn't know how they can keep doing This *gestures to the cop thing* and so jean is like okay well are we gonna work the case without him orrrrr and harry is like I am NOT moving a MUSCLE until Kim is 100% okay. he stayed with me for 2 days after I got shot. and jean is like okay bye- and harry is like no listen. I don't. we are killing ourselves here. and jean is like yeah? point? and harry is like maybe we. shouldn't. and they have a whole argument about it but that wakes up Kim who eats shit trying to get up and they both like rush in to make sure he didn't fuck up the new stitches or bust his head open right, and Kim is like. okay conflict resolution time. refuses to back down until everything is explained in detail to him even if he's still loopy. anddddd tl;dr Kim agrees with harry and idk what happens next but there u go

[crazylittlejester]

DAILY BRAINROT

Don't worry about taking your time with things! Life happens. /genuine

I am on a roll with angst lately. I'm getting fairly close to finishing 1 of the 2 WIPs in which I kill off Hyrule, and I'm already looking for excuses to kill him off again because I need to blow off steam and my oneshots usually don't get much longer than 2,000 words.

Anyway, I was thinking about that this afternoon and I had the realization that I could just adapt the plot of And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie and make an LU AU out of it. Long story short, it's about a bunch of people invited to an island vacation, and then they all get murdered one by one until there's no one left, and the police show up.

The most obvious issue is that 10 people die in the book and there's only 9 Links in LU, but I think I can make it work if I stretch things out a little. I could just kill off the entire chain, but I'm thinking about making it some kind of crack fic based off of Hyrule's dolls. In the book, there are 10 figurines representing each of the characters, so I could just replace them with his dolls and shuffle some details around so that instead of the killer systematically destroying the entire group, they just end up super confused because each day Hyrule rolls out of bed like nothing happened because as long as they're not using him to resurrect Ganon he doesn't really care. Although he will run out of dolls eventually, so I do have to work that bit out, but that's a problem for future me. :)

RE: Guidemarks AU Time & Mask I would assure you that nobody dies, but Mask is a ghost in this AU, and I'm not a liar. That said, I'm not planning to kill off anyone else permanently, and I do make it a point to write happy endings for my fics. Mask probably ends up staying with someone else at the end, but I haven't decided with whom. It really depends on which Links are able to interact with ghosts and how well Warriors and Time take the whole thing.

*kicks down the door* IM HERE IM ALIVE. SORRY MY BRAIN IS GOO AND READING HAS BEEN HARD FOR ME TODAY AN I WANTED TO MAKE SURE I COULD READ THE FULL BRAINROT BECAUSE THE BRAINROT KEEPS ME LIVIN’

OUGH rip Hyrule

i fucking love you. oh my god. oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! you ever have the time to make that au, and my life is yours

ough……. that still makes me so sad 😭 the blorbos… oUgh

ANYWAYS I KNOW THIS WAS YESTERDAYS YAP BUT THANK YOU!!!!!!! I LOVE THESE SO MUCH, GENUINELY, I LOOK FORWARD TO EM EVERY DAY

[wackpedion]

I FINISHED CH4 RAINCODE

I cant believe it. Seth is probably dead. Yakous dead. Furroughs is DEAD. (Also apparently Yakou had a wife who died four years ago but its FINE I can work with this)

So I don't know where to start?? For one I was SCARED of Vivia, I did NOT trust this man. AND FOR GOOD REASON APPARENTLY SINCE HE THREATENED TO KILL US. And the way we actually had to fight him in the mystery labyrinth? OUGH UNEXPECTED

When I first started the labyrinth I WAS unsettled by the idea of him remembering the mystery labyrinth after the fact, seeing as his memory seemed unaffected and I didn't trust him with knowledge about this place and Shinigamis power, but by the end it kind of worked out between the two of them so that's nice :)

I did kind of think that the culprit was Yakou, mostly because of Vivias 'Can you face the truth?' talk, but I discarded that theory cuz yk the man got killed by Fink, BUT THEN AS WE WERE NEARING THE PART WHERE ITS REVEALED I WAS LIKE "NO FUCKIING WAY. NO WAY IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. OH MY GOD IT HAPPENED."

Also the way Shinigami didn't violently reap his soul as with the rest, but gently embraced him? GUH DONT DO THAT TO MY HEART

urghghfhj and the last part of the mystery labyrinth where we get Yomi being revealed as anonymous and that he manipulated Yakou? I HATED HIM SO MUCH. I rarely hate or get mad at characters, when I do its more because of writing rather than them themselves and what they do/say, BUT SOMEHOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER BREACHED THOSE BOUNDARIES AND MADE ME FEEL ACTUAL ANGER AT HIM

(Also sidenote I DID predict that Yomi was anonymous, so wooo)

Also why do chapters always end with such a bang, QUITE LITERALLY IN THIS CASE. I didn't expect a terrorist attack on WDO, and while I was suspicious of Makotos "gift" I basically forgot about it so when that came back I was like WOAH

Btw some notes on like the scene in the detective agency, one it hit different walking around talking to the characters inbetween continuing story without Yakou there, sobs. second, i tried walking out of the room before talking to Halara about their info, and the dialogue says "I should see what SHE has to say" AND I HAD TO DO A DOUBLETAKE. I might do a separate post talking more in depth about this because its giving queerbaity and I don't like how this just gives ammunition to people who believe Halara isnt enby despite EVERY OTHER MOMENT coding them as such. It's so weird, I can only assume it's a typo especially in such a small optional piece of dialogue but its still disheartening since lgbt rep is so hard to come by

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

June and July? :>

favourite book

Dang I have gotten a lot of asks for this question :0 Good news is that I love books/stories so yippee!!!

The Road by Cormac McCarthy (!!! Dude. This is a hard book to read, but it’s so so good; the format, the lack of “chapters”, the way the character’s names are never revealed, the pain so real it seeps through the pages right into your soul… dang. Highly recommend)

And two fanfics :)

Apartment 238 by Snekkyfics (okayokay I’ve already talked about this one but akdgsksgkwg it is ONE OF MY VERY FAVORITES SO I WILL TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN AAAAAAAAH it’s just. Ough. Ough. Best fic best fic. BEST FICCCC!!! Literally everything about it I just love on an unbelievable level. It’s like, perfect. BEST FIC!!!)

Bummerland by Snekkyfics (IT IS SET IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS APARTMENT 238 AAAAAAAAH HAPPINESS!!! SO MUCH HAPPINESS!!! It brought me so much joy to beta-read this and so much joy to read it on A03 and it made me smile and laugh—I actually laughed out loud that doesn’t usually happen when I read aksvaksgaj—and it made me do this face 🥺 and AAAAAAAAAH!!! Literally just- oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I love)

favourite song/band

EEEEEEEEE I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED THIS EEEEEEEE YES

Alrighty, so I have three favorite bands—I like a lot of other bands/artists but these are the Core Three—and they are, in order of when I discovered them…

1. AJR

2. Emma Hamel

3. Lovejoy

I found AJR right around the time OK Orchestra came out!! They’re just YES!!! I love their style and the things they write about and how unique they are and here are some of my favorite songs of theirs :D

Christmas in June

Wow, I’m Not Crazy

Turning Out

IN ADDITION, last year I was in the top 1% of their listeners on Spotify heck yesssssss

I discovered Emma Hamel in August-ish of 2021, and I am SO happy I did!! She’s a very small artist, but her songs are beautiful and nearly every one of them is relatable to me 😭

I’m Not Here For You was the first song I’d ever listened to that like… described anxiety in a way that felt real. I felt like this song was talking about the exact kind of anxiety I experienced (still experience at times) and it was INSANE!!! I left a long ramble-y comment and EMMA REPLIED!!! YOOOOOOO!!!

Actually, she replies to most of the comments :D She’s liked a bunch of mine!! So neat :D :D

LOVEJOYYYYYY HEYYYYYYY

I remember trying to listen to them last year, and just… not having it lol. I didn’t like the style or the way it sounded and it was very meh in my eyes.

BUT THEN!!! I listened to The Fall!!! And oh boy!!!

I very slowly started listening to more of their music, one song at a time, and well… they started to grow on me. I’m not the kind of person who enjoys/listens to rock shsgsjsgja so the fact that I like them at all is surprising XD

And now I literally like every single one of their songs 😭 Like… just all of them. What the heck.

I HAVE LISTENED TO THEM SO MUCH DUDE THEY’RE DEFINITELY GONNA BE ONE OF MY TOP ARTISTS AT THE END OF THE YEAR

Portrait of a Blank Slate is leaps and bounds their best song, in my humble opinion! My mouth dropped when I first heard it lol

I also really like Warsaw, Concrete, Perfume, You’ll Understand When You’re Older, Oh Yeah You Gonna Cry, and of course, The Fall :)

[freckliedan]

5,6,14! for the ask game ✨

5: who do you feel most you around?

i am an extremely lucky person and have a lot of people in my life who i feel more myself with than when i'm alone!!!!! i have so many soulmates. my husband, my best friend & prior roommate cam, my best friend keerthi, my dad, aries freckliephil, roper phulge, hana danielbear, my dear friend lee, and my dear friend and current roommate rowan 💛. i have a newer friend who will likely be on this list someday as well.

6: say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

ough. anon. thank you for asking me this but this is a hard question for me to answer—i'm still working on redeveloping my self image after abuse. um. i'm adding the rule that it can't be traits of mine in service of others.

one. i really love my tenacity and stubbornness: if i say i'm going to make something happen for myself i make it happen! i've continually worked to grow despite how hard it's been at times with my chronic health issues & the external difficulties i've faced. two. i love my way with words. i love writing and telling stories and making ridiculous posts and i love that i'm good at it and i love that it's fun. three. i love that i am kind, which is one of the traits i've fought the hardest to develop and maintain in my life.

three physical ones? i have big beautiful brown eyes with the world's longest eyelashes and i'm not afraid to use them. i'm good at all the kinds of dancing i know and i love that about me and being a good dancer is one of the hottest traits someone can have imo. & one of my favorite physical traits is my big hands! they're like my dads and i like being like him but also i just really like how my hands look.

14: favorite feel-good show?

i do not think i'm qualified for this question like as someone who almost never watches tv. my favorite tv show is leverage (original run only) and watching it makes ME feel good about the world but it very much so is a heist show. um. i'm starting to get into the shows on dropout and everything i've watched there is so good? does comedy qualify as a feel good show?

[askfallenroyalty]

OUGH your toriel post... ahwwgw its hard putting into words the absolute feeling of joy i have reading SUCH a good analysis and take on the character in 2023 (in general following this blog has been such a joy for me as someone who was a ut fan back in 2016) and it just hit me how much it feels like you Understand the characters and how brilliant i think your writing is its just!!! its so good!!!! all the deep seated struggles youve given them really feel like stuff extrapolated from canon, just expanded upon, which like you said is something you can explore with this story, and i appreciate it sooo much

omg thank u sm this is so kind of you to say!!!!!

(original post this art is edit of)

but yuh yuh i just got blorbo'd the hell out with toriel rn i love her SO MUCH shes so interesting a wonderful character and i wanna break her apart like an egg to study (affectionate) i've been writing ut stuff since november 2015 and i've been analyzing ut since 2019? i think? anyway i'd hope by now i'd have good takes so its very validating whenever anyone says i do

i try to keep things fresh and interesting while still grounded in canon. i have my own unique "vibe???" i bring to the table. i used to have a friend (miss u buddy i wish u well) who once said "i don't keep up with your askblogs but whenever i get one out of context i have no idea whats going on and the most insane shit is happening." and i love that. like there IS a logical and grounded reason of point A to B to C but god if you just look at point K you're like. what the actual hell is going on and i love it i love it

anyway its 2am i'm a lil bit in my whacky overly talky mode if that wasn't already clear. oops maybe my bipolar depression is going thru an upswing 🙈 i'm in too good of a mood anyway i love love love undertale and talking about undertale heheehehe