#ough I have one more part to write and then the chapter is finished
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I wanna read but I wanna write but I wanna draw but I wanna play video games but I wanna hangout with my friends but I wanna watch that movie but I’m so so so tiredddd
#ough I have one more part to write and then the chapter is finished#but also I wanna read#but I’m sooooooo tried#I’m gonna nap first and then see what I’ll do
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I caved and got into HI3 a little over a week ago and I haven't been posting about it but I just finished the new story chapter that came out today and the Serapeum plotline sent honest-to-stars chills down my bones, and I feel like I'm going to crumple into tatters if I don't talk about it a little (under a cut obviously because the patch only came out today)
Lotus Eater plots always tend get me on edge but something about the way Phase 1 plays out really got to me. The way that Serapeum's Union is intially presented almost like it's a zombie plague slowly enveloping more people, and then as the chapter progresses the new information making it clear it's somehow worse than that because everybody that's stuck in the Union wasn't tricked or forced into it - "they chose to stay voluntarily" is something that took a few minutes to really sink in but when it did, ough. Then you actually get into the Union and, like...
Helia's scenario is the one that's sticking out the most in my mind because even if she hasn't had a lot of strong characterization in the story up to this point seeing her be, just...completely pacified. The way she's already grown idle and content with spending an eternity fighting meaningless battles where she'll always win. The quiet disappointment and frustration she has when it's laid bare that she'll never actually get meaningfully stronger in here because eventually this library will run out of new material to experience and at no point in that infinity will anything have challenged her or forced her to grow. I had worms crawling all over me reading this sequence and it's so good.
Not to besmirch the other parts:
The way Coralie's independence, confidence, and drive keep her relatively sane but still makes her a target for the Union to warp those desires against her by letting her pursue an endless snipe hunt, letting her sift through a bottomless well of knowledge and sinking deeper into its sway all the while.
The way Senadina hasn't even formed enough of an identity for the Union to have a corruptive effect on her mental state, but her one basic desire of "find Serapeum and wake her up" is still enough for the Union to ensnare her by keeping her in a loop where she futilely tries to go deeper into the Union and winds up back at its start. The unstated implication that at no point in that loop did she think to abandon that quest to leave and get help (if you don't want to be there it doesn't force you to stay, after all) and just kept moving forward in spite of it all.
AND THEN
THE PART THAT KILLED ME
Is getting to the very end after Serapeum's woken up and realizing that even she wasn't immune to the corruptive effects of the hivemind she created in the first place, succumbing and becoming just the voice of the consensus. The realization that the source of the looming and tense dread that has hung over the entire chapter is a mere child. A lonely child that could sympathize with peoples' plights but not empathize with them, who only understood the world through a castle-sized library of books, trying to brute-force an understanding between people by reducing them to blank slates and turning their lives into just more books to read.
I'm not even going to get into the parts with Lantern but she's great in this too. The whole phase has this delicious tension throughout, my heart is honestly still pounding writing this all out. Part 2 Chapter 1 didn't really impress me outside of specific character moments but now that they've gotten most of the flowery exposition out of the way I'm actually really satisfied with the storytelling here and I'm excitedly looking forward to when we get the next phase in a few days.
#EZ: HI3#HI3#Honkai Impact 3rd#HI3P2#Honkai Impact 3rd Part 2#HI3 Serapeum#HI3 Helia#HI3 Coralie#HI3 Senadina#tagging for this game is a nightmare but we will strive
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Writerly Thumbprint Challenge!
I was tagged by the lovely @blossom-adventures (thank you, thank you, thank you!) to do this challenge: the rules are to look back to a work, both past or present, finished or unfinished, and point out five (or more) narrative elements, themes, topics, or tropes, that continually pop up in this work!
I haven't written before, so I'll do this for The Priest and the Dragoness, the fic I'm currently writing!
Descriptive prose. I love writing meticulous descriptions of everything—surroundings and emotions—as well as using similes, metaphors, or even a bit of poetic language. I usually have vivid images of a particular scene in mind, so I do my best to imprint those with words and to give away a similar evocative vibe to the readers. Honestly, I know that intense descriptions aren't everyone's cup of tea, and may go skip skip skip to dialogues instead, but each one has their own inspirations and style, right?
Angst (with a happy ending). I like exploring trauma and generally sensitive themes in my story. Angst resonates better with me as a writer and person, and besides that, I think that giving each one of my characters flaws, a tragic background, and harsh challenges along their journey, but knowing that in the end, they will get what they deserve, is so so fulfilling for me—I mean, this combination of intense emotional exploration and an eventual satisfying resolution? My catnip!
Foreshadowing. OUGH. My absolute favorite writing technique from when I was in middle school and studied the Odyssey. This whole back-and-forth of a phrase or event that's being said or described in some earlier chapter (sometimes a seemingly insignificant one) and suddenly, unexpectedly gets confirmed many many chapters later in a MAJOR significance and importance, having you gawking at the wall like "Wait...WAIT. 😮👀", is very present in TPATD. You just have to read behind some lines...
References. TPATD has tons of references in almost every chapter. My favorite ones are from GoT, but I have sprinkled my story with lots of The Witcher and LotR inspiring quotes too, and generally, I like bringing themes from real life into the fic, such as songs or poems rephrased. And I adore it when a reader recognizes them and comments on them. My day gets always better!
An emotionally vulnerable male protagonist. Another catnip of mine—male characters who fluster before their counterparts, who stutter and tremble from all their longing and passion, who don't know precisely and like pros how to touch and caress, kiss and make love. I ADORE them. That's why I try to interpret Miraak as such—despite his pathetic attempts to hide it, his vulnerability towards Jia speaks volumes.
Soulmate & hurt comfort themes. I put these together because I think TPATD is full of both. I personally love the deep and profound emotional bond between two lovers more than the carnal one; that's why I chose the soulmate theme between two characters that are the First and the Last mortal carriers of dragonsouls, so what's more fitting than that? And here comes the hurt/comfort theme too—feeling each other's emotions as if they're own, as if they come from them, and comforting their counterpart's respective pain, because who can be your better comfort than a person who feels like a part of your own self, who feels your distress in their own soul?
Okay, I think that's all, but if something more comes to my mind I may return to this...😇
I'm going to leave this open, tagging each pair of eyes seeing this and wanting to do it! 🥰
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Ideal Confusion - MCU AU Fanfic - C14
(Title subject to change)
Story summary: Giving into the constant pressure from the press, Tony decides to put a rest to the rumours that Peter is his biological son - once and for all.
Previous Chapter(s): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
Part of my Frostiron and Spiderson series.
Warnings/themes: family, family stuff, adoption, DNA test(s), pressure, peer pressure, social issues, mentions of alcoholism, mental health problems, potentially some minor medical inaccuracies, mentions of corporal punishment, hurt/comfort,mentions of suicide
You can also find me on AO3
Chapter 14 - Bitter Fingers
-
He knew exactly what he was doing, thumping out heavy, almost furious, soulful notes, singing the words perfectly, with feeling, with vigour, with a real sense of urgency.
“You’re good” Tony said, once he’d finished the song.
Peter slowly turned to him. He’d had a feeling he was being watched; he just hadn’t realised who by. They’d ended up in another argument after Li had left the previous day, and hadn’t spoken since. He turned back to the piano.
“I know”
“Why don’t you play something else? Something classical?”
“I don’t want to”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t” Peter said, putting his hands back on the keys.
“Well, play something more upbeat”
Peter paused, thinking, and then started playing. At first Tony seemed almost approving, but as the first verse flew by, his expression changed.
“-Think I'm gonna kill myself, cause a little suicide, stick around for a couple of da-”
“PETER!”
“What?! You told me to play something more upbeat!”
“I didn’t mean this! This song is so insensitive”
“Sir Elton tried to kill himself thrice:- I think he’s within his rights to sing about it”
“That doesn’t mean you are!”
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” Peter scowled. “Why are you up here?”
“I wanted to see you play”
“Why?”
“Why? Because you’re my son, maybe?”
“Oh, so I’m your son now, am I?”
Tony sighed. “Don’t start”
“I’m not starting anything” Peter shrugged, looking back at his piano, studying the front as though he had a songbook open.
“I thought you liked performing. You’ve been singing to your father, haven’t you?”
“He actually wants to listen, and he’s not in denial”
“What makes you think I’m in denial?”
Peter gave him a look, looking so similar to Loki that for a moment, Tony wasn’t sure how to react. Eventually, he just sighed and sat down next to Peter, taking his MP3.
“I’ll choose something for you. You can play by ear, right?”
“I’m playing Sir Elton” Peter said. “Don’t mess with my playlist”
“Alright, calm down. How about Crocodile Rock? That’s an upbeat one”
“Maybe I don’t want to play anything upbeat. Stop messing with my stuff”
Peter tried to snatch the player back, but Tony held it out of his reach.
“Fine. Do you think you can play I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues?”
“Maybe I don’t want to take your suggestions” Peter snatched the player back, scrolling through. “If it’ll make you go away, I’ll play a less sad one, but this is as good as you’re gonna get”
He put his player down, shifted position so he wouldn’t clash elbows with Tony, and once again set to the ivories. In some ways, it was easy to block Tony out, even with him so close. But in other ways, he liked knowing he was there. More than that, he liked knowing that he was good:- he could play, and he could sing, and he’d achieved every bit of it without any help, knowledge, input, or support from the man sat beside him, who just so happened to be part of the reason why he was ever born. He could feel himself being watched, but he made sure never to look at him, and he just kept performing, feeling melancholy, but triumphant - almost like he wanted to stick out his tongue at his father and shout; “nah nah ne nah nah, look what I can do without you!”. But instead he just kept singing.
“...If someone else is suffering enough, oh to write it down. When every single word makes sense, then it's easier to have those songs around. The kick inside is in the line that finally gets to you, and it feels so good to hurt so bad, and suffer just enough to sing the blues. So turn 'em on, turn 'em on, turn on those sad songs. When all hope is gone, why don't you tune in and turn them on..?”
-
Peter took his headphones off. For a moment there was silence, and then Tony turned and wrapped his arms around the boy, pulling him close. Peter stayed still, hardly even daring to breathe. He wasn’t sure he trusted Tony’s intentions, whatever they might be, and after some of the things that had been said over the past couple of days, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be near him at all. After what felt like an eternity, he spoke, surprising himself.
“Just because I love you the most, that doesn’t mean you’re the best parent”
-
Loki looked over Tony’s shoulder.
“What are you looking at?”
“Just an email from the school. They’re doing a huge show at the end of term”
“I thought we’d essentially decided to withdraw him from the school?”
“Yeah... But maybe we should send him back now. Let him finish the term”
Loki was quiet for a moment. “Why the change of heart? You don’t want him to end up leaving out of someone else’s choice, do you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well. Let’s be honest; if he were at a mainstream school, and-or you weren’t his father, he’d probably have been expelled by now”
Tony took his hand away from his mouth. “...Am I a bad parent?”
“Sometimes”
Tony couldn’t help but laugh slightly. “Thanks for the brutal honesty”
“Do you really think I’m going to lie to you? Especially after the way you’ve been since we got those DNA results?”
Tony didn’t respond. Loki sighed, looking at the email on Tony’s screen.
“Is there really much point sending him back for two weeks?”
Tony shrugged. “Get him out from under our feet?”
“Charming. And here I was thinking you’d turned a corner”
“I was joking!” Tony exclaimed, showing a glimmer of personality for the first time all day. “It might be good for him to get out of the house, and tie up loose ends. I don’t think he’s talked to any of the Bunnies since the last time he was there”
“Well, if you took the time to stop sulking and actually speak to him, you’d know that he’s still been talking to Flo, and he’s even made amends with Millie”
“And Macy?”
Loki grimaced. “Still a touchy subject, I think”
Tony sighed heavily. “They were such a cute little group. It was good that he had proper friends. He’d never really had them before”
“Well, maybe not, but I can’t say I think it’s that important. From what I’ve learnt, humans don’t often keep their school friends throughout the rest of their lives anyway”
“That’s not-” Tony stopped, and sighed. “Go and get him, would you?”
“I think he’s busy”
“Loki”
“Alright, alright. I’ll go and get him”
-
Loki waited until Peter’s song had finished, and then gently laid a hand on his shoulder. Peter jumped slightly, pulling his headphones off.
“Oh, it’s just you”
“Your presence is requested in the kitchen”
Peter whined. “Do I have to?”
“Yes”
“Why? What does he want?”
“He wants to ask you something”
“What?”
“I shouldn’t say”
“Aww, please!”
Loki took one look at Peter’s puppy-dog eyes and gave in. “Fine, but don’t let on I’ve told you. He wants to ask how you feel about finishing the term at school”
“Oh” Peter said. “Well, sure. It’s only a couple of weeks, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Do you think you can stay out of trouble for that long?”
Peter shrugged. “Maybe~. You’ll relay my message, won’t you?” He turned back to the piano.
“Hey, you’re not getting out of it that easily!”
“Aww, but daddy! I’ve nearly nailed that hard piano riff in Burn Down The Mission! It’ll throw off my groove if I stop now!”
“You’ll just have to practice later” Loki said, taking hold of him and lifting him into his arms. “Come along, Elton. Better not leave him waiting too much longer”
-
Peter couldn’t work out why Tony didn’t seem satisfied with his answer. He stayed where he was on Loki’s hip, feeling somehow tiny and mighty at the same time.
“You’ll go back tomorrow then”
“Why tomorrow?”
“Why not? It’s Monday. Better day than any” Tony said. “You’d better find your uniform so we can get it ready”
“By ‘we’, I take it you mean me?” Loki said.
“Um-”
Loki laughed. “Don’t look so scared! I’ll sort it”
Peter looked at both of his parents, but settled on Tony.
“This is going to be my last term, isn’t it?”
Tony didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to.
“Did you need anything else?”
“No...”
“Can I go back to my piano now?”
“Maybe take a little break” Loki said. “Your hands must be aching after all that playing”
“I’m fine!”
“Hold your hands out”
Peter did as he was told, reluctantly, and with a bit of difficulty due to his position. Thank god for strong thighs, he thought to himself. Loki took one look at the boys shaking hands and shook his head.
“Let them rest, sweetheart”
“It’s just a trapped muscle” Peter tried.
“You really shouldn’t try to lie to someone as good at it as I am” Loki said.
“Well, I don’t want to lounge about doing nothing” Peter pouted.
“No amount of baby-face is going to make me change my mind”
Tony watched them together. Bar a few unsavoury incidents after May’s death, Loki always managed to hold it together and be a good father to Peter. As much as he hated to admit it, Tony knew that it was him who was always rubbish is times of crisis. Loki was right; he was a bad father sometimes. Especially since finding out he was a biological father.
“Why don’t we go for a swim?” he suggested.
Loki and Peter stopped and looked at him, Peter glaring, and Loki very nearly doing the same.
“...Theoretically... Could a god impregnate a human woman at the same time as a human man, and have shared parentage with the human, so like, the kid had three bio parents?”
Loki looked at him, searching his face. He glanced at Peter, and then back at his husband. He knew what he was getting at.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Anthony”
-
They didn’t go for a swim. Tony started sulking again and went down to the lab, not doing proper work; just attempting to make comprehensive shapes out of solder, while Loki tried in vain to teach Peter some magic upstairs.
“It doesn’t seem to be taking” he said eventually.
“Maybe humans can’t do it” Peter said. “I can kinda feel it when you put your hands over mine, but I can’t make any of that feeling come to me naturally, yknow?”
“Well, perhaps you aren’t made to do magic. Maybe you need a spark to begin with.. Ah well. Your talents lie elsewhere”
“I guess so”
Peter closed his eyes, trying to focus on pushing energy to his fingertips like Loki had said. No matter how hard he tried, it still just seemed so much more like a concept and a metaphor than an actual physical thing he could do. He gave up and opened his eyes.
“It doesn’t work. Can’t you like, transfer your magic to me or something?”
Loki laughed slightly. “It doesn’t really work like that, chick. Now, you should probably go and get all your school stuff together; save having to do it last thing”
“Aw, it’s gonna be tough having to get up in the morning. I’ve completely fucked up my sleep schedule”
“I guessed as much. And don’t swear: you know your dad’ll go spare if he hears you”
“That’s his problem”
“It won’t be when you’re over his knee now, will it? Now go and find your uniform. We’ll sort everything physical and then work on a game plan”
“Alright. But can I ask you something first?”
Loki raised an eyebrow, an always ambiguous notion in situations such as this.
“Why have you been looking at houses to buy in Scotland?”
“Peter, I told you to go and get your uniform”
Peter sighed, shrugged, and went to do as he was told.
-
He was distracted from his Loki-based thoughts when he found the uniform. It felt weird thinking this would be the last term he’d wear it. He’d hated it so much at the start, and he wasn’t exactly a huge fan now, but oddly, he felt almost attached to it. Aside from the hat. He’d never worn that. In fact, the only thing he’d really done with it, aside from hate it, was use it as a frisbee. It made a surprisingly good one in a pinch. He’d worn Flo’s school hat a few times when she’d put it on him, but the girls had straw hats with ribbon, which were quite universal, and even looked cute on some people. A far cry from the horrible little peaked caps the boys had, which suited only the smallest of the first years and exactly five people in Peter’s years group, one of which was Macy. St Hendricks certainly had its downsides, but at least, despite everyone owning them, the hats weren’t strictly enforced. It had saved a lot of embarrassment.
Peter looked at his uniform, specifically the jacket and tie. Come to think of it, they’d both taken quite a beating. He was actually on his third tie: he’d train-tracked his first one so badly that the bottom six inches were unrecognisable as a school tie, and he’d been told he had to either buy another one or go on uniform report, and he’d set the second one on fire with a bunsen burner to set the fire alarm off after a teacher had told him that being a famous persons son didn’t give him any right not to pay attention in class. He was still quite proud of that one. Malaki had taken the blame for him though, so he’d never seen any real repercussions for it.
As for his blazer... well, it was only Loki’s surprisingly perfect sewing and washing skills that had made it last as long as it had. It had been stained with everything you could think of, from blood to poster paint, and somehow still come up clean. It had also suffered it’s fair share of ripped seams and torn lining, and of course the time the back seam had completely given up following a particularly rough drama lesson - another incident which had nearly landed him on uniform report as well as in detention.
It was quite funny, in a way, how he was perceived at that school. At Midtown, he’d been a bit of a loner, a bit of an outcast, but generally a model pupil. At St Hendricks, he was generally considered a hell-raiser - and it was the teachers who had said that first, not him. When he really thought about it, he could almost understand where they were coming from. Malaki aside, they were used to everyone falling into line and behaving like young ladies and gentlemen. So Peter rocking up and throwing tantrums (and fists), catapulting rubbers at the back of Nigel’s head, pushing Malaki into the swimming pool in the middle of lessons, and pulling drainpipes off the wall while retrieving footballs from the roof was probably a bit of a culture shock for them.
Not that everyone seemed to mind. A lot of people seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for him, for whatever reason. He’d even quickly won over the new PE teacher, despite famously being bent over the equipment trolley and paddled with a cricket bat during the teachers first week at the school. Even then, he hadn’t really hit him hard (and nowhere near as hard as he’d hit Nigel, who was by his side being disciplined a little bit too often). N-Pet, as he’d quickly become known, was, along with Mr Musgrove, one of Peter’s biggest defenders. Peter had become very good at using his small and quiet side to his advantage, even to such an extent as causing havoc and running to hide behind a teacher he knew would have his back. Maybe he was a little bastard, Peter thought. But maybe that made sense, considering the school he went to.
Peter took Loki his uniform, but he didn’t stop. He went to sort out his school bag, thinking deeply as he did so. He’d been so sure he’d hate the school, but he didn’t really, not so much. He’d made friends fast enough, and he’d had good times. And weird times. Especially where Nigel was concerned...
Nigel was certainly weird. Him and Peter had essentially been sworn enemies since day one, but, for some reason, Nigel always defended Peter, even covering his back to stop him getting into trouble. And then there was all of their store cupboard encounters. And the time Nigel had asked him to the dance. And that time at Nigel’s when-... Well, Peter didn’t like to think about that. It had ended in an argument anyway, which was very on form. Peter still didn’t know what to make of Nigel, but he was sure Nigel didn’t know what to make of him either. Maybe it was one of those questions that didn’t really need an answer. He didn’t suppose he’d ever see him again after the end of term anyway.
He hoped he’d still see Flo. And Millie. He wasn’t sure about Macy yet, or Malaki. He supposed the next couple of weeks would be a final hurdle where the latter two were concerned.
-
Loki went to find Peter a little later on.
“I was getting worried” he said. “You just disappeared”
“Sorry...”
“...What are you listening to?”
“...It’s called Black Tables”
Loki sat down beside him on the bed. He knew that look, and he suddenly knew why Peter had been alone in here for the past few hours. Peter kept his eyes on his hands. He’d gone too deep into his thoughts, and he knew making eye contact would be fatal.
“You should try playing this some time” Loki said. “It’s got plenty of piano in it”
Peter nodded slightly. Loki was quiet for a moment, and then he rested a hand on Peter’s.
“Sweetheart”
Peter looked up at him, and burst into tears.
“Oh, sweetheart...”
Loki carefully put his arms round the boy. At first, Peter didn’t move, but he gave in soon enough and he held onto his father as he cried. Loki slowly tightened his loose grip, and Peter cried harder. He rested his cheek against the top of the boys head, and rocked him gently.
-
The bedroom door burst open, making them both jump.
“Tony! You nearly blew the bloody door off!” Loki scowled.
“Don’t exaggerate” he looked at Peter, snug in Loki’s arms. “Have you got all your stuff ready for school?”
Peter seemed to shrink away from him. He stayed quiet.
“I asked you a question, Peter!” Tony snapped.
“Don’t shout at him!” Loki shook his head disapprovingly and hugged Peter tighter. “It’s all ready; don’t you worry about that”
“Good. What do you want for tea?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it” Loki said. “I’ve got my hands full”
Tony sighed. “What’s up with him now?”
“I don’t know yet”
He held Peter protectively, trying to shield him - but Peter had other ideas.
“You’re what’s wrong!” he suddenly shouted. “You’d know that if you cared”
“Sorry, I’m what’s wrong?” Tony said, shocked. “Don’t be ridiculous!”
“I’m not being ridiculous!” Peter shot back. “You could at least admit to how you’ve been acting!”
He tried to pull away, but Loki held onto him, adjusting his hold slightly.
“Peter, stop it” he said. “This isn’t the time for an argument”
“Well, why not?! When is the time?”
“Peter, I said stop”
Peter went quiet, but growled defensively when Tony sat down next to Loki.
“I think we need to talk, don’t you?” he said. He glanced at Loki. “Just the two of us?”
Peter clung to Loki. He had a bad feeling about this.
“Well... I could always go and get started on tea” Loki said, letting go of Peter.
“No! Don’t go!”
Loki couldn’t ignore the urgency in his voice. “What is it?”
“Please don’t leave me alone with him!” Peter begged, keeping tight hold of Loki’s shirt. “He’s gonna do something to me!”
“Oh for gods sake!” Tony fumed. “You’re being ridiculous! You’re just getting all muddled in that silly little mind of yours”
“Tony! Don’t speak to him like that!”
“Like what?! I thought you were going to sort some food out?”
“I’m not leaving, not when he’s scared”
“He’s not scared; he’s just attention seeking!” Tony insisted. He narrowed his eyes at Peter. “You need to start behaving yourself”
In Peter’s ears, that sounded like a threat.
“See?! He’s gonna hurt me if you leave!”
“I’m not gonna hurt you! And if I was gonna smack you - which I should, considering your attitude as of late - I’d have no qualms about doing it in front of your father”
Peter started crying all over again.
“Oh, that’s it; turn on the water-works”
“Tony, that’s enough!” Loki snapped, pulling Peter close. “You’re upsetting him, and I’m not sure I like the look in your eyes either”
There was a short silence, and Tony stood up.
“I’m gonna get started on tea”
“You do that”
-
Peter was more than just a little reluctant about going through to the kitchen for tea, but Loki managed to coax him. There was still a heavy atmosphere between the three of them, and Peter’s spidey senses were still giving him grief. As a result, he couldn’t settle. Everything tasted weird, and his throat was tight, so eating wasn’t easy.
About halfway through the meal, Loki excused himself and stood up.
“W-wait, where are you going?!” Peter squeaked, struggling up and scurrying after him.
“Hey, hey, don’t look so scared!” Loki said, stopping him. “I’m just going to empty my bladder: I’m going to do myself an injury if I hold it any longer. Finish your tea”
He carefully detached Peter’s hands from his shirt. Peter watched the door close behind him. Suddenly the kitchen felt a little too bright, and he became hyper-aware of the fact that Tony had been watching him. He swallowed, his mouth feeling and tasting weird, as though he’d just had a nosebleed.
He snapped round quickly when Tony stood up, and took a few steps back.
“I’m just about sick to death of you, young man” Tony growled. “Now, come here!”
Peter shook his head, his pulse beating in his ears, and took another step back.
“Right”
Tony grabbed hold of him. Ordinarily he wouldn’t have been a match for the boy - but all of Peter’s fight seemed to have disappeared, and all he could do was gasp and flinch as Tony tugged him closer.
“I’m sick of all your attention seeking and drama performances. You need to learn how to behave yourself”
Peter tried to say something - anything - but that familiar horrible feeling was welling in his throat, choking his words as though he were talking to a complete stranger. The seconds seemed to be dragging, and he felt hot and sick and helpless, unable to speak, shaking, but hardly able to move. He tried hard to pull free from Tony’s iron grip - and was suddenly smacked, hard. It made him jump and flinch at the same time, and before he’d really comprehended what had happened, he was over Tony’s lap, and he was smacked again. And again. And again.
It hadn’t always hurt this much, Peter was sure of it. And it definitely didn’t use to make him feel sick like this, or set his senses off like this. And he’d never been so overcome with fear as to cause his selective mutism to act against his parents. He completely froze, stuck, unable to even gasp audibly.
But then he heard footsteps. And the door. And then he was suddenly back on his feet - but only just.
“What the hell is going on here?! It’s no wonder he was so scared earlier if this is the way you’ve decided to treat him!” Loki shouted, putting an arm out to support the trembling Peter. “Those DNA results should have strengthened your bond, if anything:- not made you turn against him!”
“This is nothing to do with that!” Tony insisted. “He doesn’t know how to behave! Cutting discipline out of our parenting-”
“We didn’t cut out discipline! We-” he stopped, looking at Peter. “Are you ok?”
Peter shook his head. He suddenly found his feet, and was out of there in a flash. There was a pause, and then Loki picked up where he left off.
“Just because we stopped smacking him, that doesn’t mean we stopped disciplining him, and you know that as well as I do. And that” he said, gesturing. “Was definitely not what we used to do! I saw, and that was a proper wallop; that wasn’t the kind of thing we ever agreed on. Don’t get me wrong, Anthony: I knew you were going to hit him again sometime soon. But I expected a little spanking, not a good attempt at knocking the living daylights out of the poor thing! What the hell were you thinking?!”
“I don’t know! I was angry! He’s been doing my head in!”
“You’re not allowed to pull that card! It’s no excuse for what you’ve just done! You’re angry at yourself; not him!”
“How’d you work that one out?”
“Because I know you, Anthony Edward Stark! And so I should, considering how long we’ve been together. Peter has not done a single malicious thing since we got those DNA results, unlike you, Mister Stark. Ok, maybe he’s done a few bitchy little things, but only in retaliation to the things you’ve done first. And besides, you’re meant to be the grown-up here: why don’t you try to act like it?”
“...I haven’t been that bad”
“Is that so? Why don’t we reflect? How about the day we found out? Not forgetting of course your insensitive crack at my infertility, but how about causing an argument over him moving a tub of coffee, which ended in you slapping him across the face? Or how about ignoring all his calls and texts? Sure, you seemed better after that night away, but then you got back to causing arguments and having a go at him for no reason. And-”
“Ok, ok, I get it!” Tony interrupted. “I’m just stressed”
“Oh, and I’m not? Good god. I’m glad he’s going back to school: it’s probably in his best interests to be away from you right now”
There was a short silence.
“I’m not a bad parent, Loki”
Loki looked at him. He looked at the uncertainty on his face, and the tears in his eyes. He kept looking hard at him, and as soon as Tony started crying, he looked away.
“I’m going to go and check on my son” he said, and left Tony to his own devices.
-
Loki fully expected Peter to be cuddled up with his elephant, so he was surprised not to see him there. The en suite was empty, as was the bed - both on and under. He stood for a moment, thinking, and then went to his own room, only to find that empty too. He checked the reading nook, and the garden balcony, and then stopped. He knew where to go.
-
Loki opened the door to the store cupboard by the swimming pool. There, beside the mop buckets under the shelf, was exactly what he was looking for.
“Now, this takes me back” he said gently.
Peter didn’t protest when Loki sat down beside him. He was hugging the May bear, resting his cheek on it’s head. It was made out of a shirt that had been in the box May’s work had given Peter. It usually lived on a shelf, displayed proudly, out of harms way, and Loki had long since learnt how bad a sign it was to find it in Peter’s arms.
“...Do you ever wonder how his dad was with him?” Peter mumbled, breaking a long silence.
Loki paused. “I don’t think all those scars are from adulthood, if that’s what you mean”
“You dad was abusive, right?”
“Odin? Well. Not physically. Mentally, and emotionally, I think... But when your brain is wired as strangely as mine, it’s hard to work out what was wrong and what wasn’t. He was never really a father, not in the right way. I was there for the wrong reasons. He only saved me to use me as a bargaining chip. He never liked me. I don’t care anymore”
“What about your mum?”
“Ah. Well, she was definitely my mother. I suppose a part of me thought she always would be”
“So what happened?”
Loki smiled sadly. “I fell in love. I haven’t seen her since before I moved in with Tony”
“That’s a long time. It’s gotta hurt, right?” he paused. “She wrote to you”
Loki nodded. “She sent a wedding present. From Odin as well, supposedly”
“Did you ever reply?”
“No” Loki sighed. “There comes a time when it just feels pointless. It would be like looking up someone you met once in a pub and trying to have a meaningful conversation”
“Would you see her again? If you had the chance?”
“The way I see it” Loki said. “If she had wanted to stay in my life, she would have made an effort. There’s a lot stopping me from returning to Asgard. Nothing is stopping her from coming to Midgard”
“Does it still bother you?”
“Sometimes”
Peter raised his head, not looking at Loki, but more open now.
“Why do some people have such hard lives?”
“It’s simply the luck of the draw”
“We’ve got dreadful luck”
Loki laughed slightly. “Maybe. But we’ve had some good luck too”
“Maybe...”
“Well, I got to adopt you, didn’t I? Despite the circumstances leading to it, that’s some luck, isn’t it?”
A small smile tugged at Peter’s lips. “Maybe”
Loki looked round the store room. There was time when they spent a considerable amount of time in here together. For whatever reason, after May died, it had become Peter’s hiding place. It had stayed that way for a long time, but now it was a little unusual to find him there, and definitely not a good thing.
“Are you ready to come back upstairs?”
Peter nodded slightly.
“Ok...” Loki picked the boy up carefully, feeling almost as though he’d gone back in time.
-
Loki sat cross-legged on Tony’s bed, watching him carefully. He was sat looking through a photo album, wet tears still on his face.
“I’ve never been great at the hard stuff, have I? I mean... Even that year he came to stay with us, and you were so ill... I didn’t treat you great then, did I? I was kinda dreadful to you at times. And I cracked after May died. I guess we all did, but still... All that year... Even that first Christmas, I was all cross. Overreacting to the curfew thing a bit, I guess. And then when he had that building site accident, and the way he played up at that party, I got all cross about that too”
“We both got cross about the party. He did show us up a bit”
“Mmm... I was rubbish with the Kindsprengen stuff. Well, not the take-down, but the kid bit, especially that first week... And I guess I’m kinda responsible for your downfall after the IVF thing”
“You didn’t force the bottle into my hand”
“No, but I enabled it. I was too busy drowning my own sorrows to even listen to you, so you just did what I was doing. We basically isolated ourselves together. I was bad with the kid then, too. Said I’d keep visiting even though you were ill and couldn’t. And didn’t... Gave him up... Argued a fair bit last Christmas too...”
“What are you thinking?”
Tony lowered the album and looked at Loki.
“I’ve been really bad lately. I don’t think my meds are working anymore. I don’t think they’ve worked for a while now”
Loki didn’t seem to react, but his eyes moved, and they said everything.
“Tomorrow” Tony said. “You know people will rush me through”
He looked back at the album for a moment, and then closed it carefully. Loki watched him get up and put it back on the special shelf with the wedding album.
“Do you think we should do couples counselling? Or, like, family counselling?”
“I think we’d be better off actually talking to each other before dragging someone else into it”
Tony sat back down beside him. “You want to say something else. I can tell”
Loki took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s just as well I’m infertile”
Completely without warning, both men broke down in tears. As if by magnetism, they found themselves in each others arms, and as horrible as they both felt, it was still good to hold each other.
-
Peter looked relieved but reproachful when his door opened.
“I thought you weren’t coming”
“I had a few things to sort out. I thought you might have fallen asleep by now”
“I tried, but... I don’t know. Everything hurts and it’s kinda keeping my mind awake”
Loki picked Peter up and sat down with him in his lap. Neither of them said anything for some minutes.
“...Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?”
Peter nodded.
“Ok... Grab a cuddly toy”
-
Peter had always liked Loki’s room, and times like this made him regret not taking advantage of being allowed in there so much anymore. It always felt a little ethereal; strange and different, as though it wasn’t really part of the house. It was like a little window into Loki’s mind that showed you what he loved the most, and what made him feel the calmest and safest. It was his comfortable space. Peter couldn’t help but notice how Loki seemed to relax as soon as he closed the door behind them. As though he’d arrived home.
He was quiet. Silent, even. Peter didn’t say anything either. He let Loki set him down on the bed and tuck his toy Peter Rabbit in beside him. He lay there, looking around him while Loki was in the bathroom. Peter liked most everything in this room, from the silken sheets to the family photos, to the old Snoopy on the chair by the wardrobe, to the deep rug by the bed. The only thing he didn’t like was the Betty Boop lamp. None of the little statues bothered him, but the lamp was a big one that was essentially a light up ornament, and it always seemed to watch him. He sat up to look at it - but it wasn’t in it’s usual spot. Looking around, he couldn’t see it on any of the dressers or shelves. He carefully slipped off the bed, curious now - and then froze like a deer in headlights as the en suite door opened.
Loki raised an eyebrow. “Going somewhere, chicken?”
“Your lamp’s gone!”
“Oh? Which one?”
“The Betty Boop on the lamp post one”
“Ah” Loki sighed. “Yes”
“What happened?”
“Well. Your father was showing me his new developments for the Iron Man gauntlets” he said, picking Peter up and putting him back on the bed. “Only it wasn’t perfected, and it malfunctioned a little and fired and... Well. Bye-bye Betty. Beyond repair. Completely shattered”
“That’s awful! Did you cry?”
“Maybe a little” Loki admitted. “So did Tony; he felt awful. He couldn’t find another one online, but I said it didn’t matter either way. Could have been worse, I suppose”
“You really loved that lamp. It took you years to convince him”
“Enough about the lamp, sweetheart. It’s getting on a bit, and you could really do with a good nights sleep” Loki pushed Peter onto his back. “Stay”
Loki turned the night light on and the big light off, and then finally climbed into bed.
“Have you stolen my pig?”
Peter handed it over. “Do I really have to go to school tomorrow?”
“It’s best that you do, darling. No, don’t start fussing. It’s only a few weeks, and then you never have to go again”
“I guess so”
Loki put an arm round Peter, hugging him close. “Goodnight, sweetie”
“Daddy?”
“Mm?”
“You’re the better parent”
Loki closed his eyes. “Go to sleep, chick”
*
#my writing#fanfiction#mcu fanfiction#marvel fanfiction#frostiron#irondad and spiderson#IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS#AND I'VE FINALLY UPDATED
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As Fate Would Have It Part 10 (Bucky Barnes x Reader)
Catch Up Here!
A/N: Okay guys, so it's here. The big One-Oh! (which coincidentally is being published on the 10th of March -which is also Bucky’s birthday! Fate is a tricky thing) For this chapter, I wanted to do something special. But also, I'm still doing the before Endgame race with myself because I want to get to a good climax with this story before April! Which is not very far away. *Gulp!* Anyway, here it is! I hope you enjoy it. Ask to be added to Tags!
Remember: Reader’s alias is Helen Rushman but everyone calls you Elle! You are also an agent with the Red Room (Black Widow’s) who is acting as a double agent within Hydra.
Words: 3782
Warnings: This chapter is hella long. Like when I was editing it I was also surprised by the word count. LOL! Some angst, a lot of fast-paced scene jumping and a bit of steam towards the end... Which means!!! The next Chapter is going to be the smutty chapter! Also, sorry I haven’t proofed I want to write the next chapter quickly!!!
Tuesday Morning.
You had made sure to dress up in your more flattering clothes today. Your make-up a little more glamour than usual. You made sure to buy a magazine about with a headline to do with the upcoming Expo. When you got to work you noticed the security had been doubled and employees were now required to show their ID at the main desk. It wasn't surprising, what was surprising was that there had been no news about the break-in yesterday.
"Morning, Elle," Agnes greeted you as you boarded the elevator.
"Morning Agnes."
"What's with all the security, all of a sudden?"
The elevator had filled up with several other women and men including Kathy. She gave you a knowing look before pretending to not eavesdrop.
"Beats me," you lied. In the corner of your eye, you noticed Kathy's lip curl upwards.
When the elevator stopped at your floor, you, Kathy and a few others got off. You made your way to your desk, unpacking your magazine and displaying it in a very obvious place before heading over to the kitchen to make two cups of coffee. Once you were done, you took both cups, placing one on the far edge of your desk while drinking from the other as you read the magazine -making it seem rather obvious by having it cover half your face.
"Sir, I really think you ought to consider reporting what happened to the authorities," a muscled man in a black suit and tie urged Howard. "The security breach--"
"Security. Which is exactly what I'm paying you for. Making sure there isn't a security breach. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an office to stare blankly out of, Old Boy." Howard slapped the muscley man on the shoulder like they were best pals. Tim, the aforementioned man, simply held in an exasperated breath and walked out of the office space.
Howard walked down towards his office, glancing over at you, he noticed the magazine you were reading, he visibly stalled for a moment. "Ugh… Helen, can I have some coffee sent to my office?" He asked in a low lilt.
Before he could walk away, you stood from your seat and grabbed the coffee cup you had placed by the edge earlier replied in a sonorous voice, "Already done, Mr Stark." You gave him a charming smile as you handed him the cup of hot coffee.
"Well, I do say, if you keep anticipating my needs before me I'll be forced to give you a raise," he smirked as he took a sip of his coffee.
"Then I suppose I ought to do just that," you answered back harmlessly. Stark seemed slightly caught off guard by your oddly flirty mood today. "Anticipate your needs, that is." You picked up the magazine and sat back down at your desk. Flipping the pages absentmindedly as Stark walked to his office, every now and then stealing a glance at you through the window.
A few hours later, a call came through. It was one of Howard's countless number of dates. She was all giddy and you could practically sense her blushing through the telephone cords. You rolled your eyes, swooning was never a good look on anyone. But then again, maybe you were bitter for another reason. One reason in particular.
"So, tell Howie I'd love to go with him to the Gala," she chuckled like a love-struck puppy.
You held back a sigh, "I'll pass the message along." You ended the call and gathered up all the files you had finished sorting through. You knocked on Stark's door.
"Come in."
"Here are the files you had me sort through," you placed them on his desk. "Sir, if you don't mind my asking. What's with all the increased security today?"
"Oh," he smiled, "Don't let that trouble your pretty head. Probably a disgruntled employee trying to steal Stark secrets. Wouldn't be the first time. Won't be the last. Innovation is a lucrative business, that's why you should never keep your secrets lying about for anyone to find."
You pretended not to have a clue as to what he was saying, pursing your lips out like you were struggling with keeping a single train of thought.
"Ah, it's no worry," Starks waved his hand around dismissively. "Any messages?"
Ah, he was expecting a callback, "No, none sir. Will that be all?"
"Yes, that will be all."
You turned around to leave, making sure not to rush out too quick in case...
"Helen," Stark stood from his desk.
"Sir?"
"I gathered from your reading material that you're interested in the Expo."
"Indeed I am. The 'world of tomorrow' is too thrilling an idea to not be." You flipped your hair to the side.
¨"Ah, see there's a Gala coming up this Saturday. And the most eligible bachelor, like myself, can't be seen without a dame on his arm, such as yourself. Would you like to accompany me?"
You walked over to him, slow and suggestive, "On one condition."
"Name it."
"It will remain a strictly casual, friendly outing."
Stark laughed low, "It's a deal then. Pick you up Saturday."
Later that Day
"Report," Yelena demanded. Her cigarette stained tips rolling an unlit cigarette. This time Yelena had a tape recorder in place of a notepad and pen. The air was cold and damp, a draft kept creeping in through the ajar container door. In the distance, you heard faint sounds of trains moving past.
"Hydra made contact. Turns out they have another agent in Stark's employ. I think she's there to keep an eye on me too."
"Who is she?"
"She goes by the name Katherine. I don't have a last name."
"What's the mission?"
"Stark got a letter from the SSR. Apparently, he's meeting with a big shot within that organisation this Saturday. She wants me to record their session using a listening device."
Yelena cocked a brow your way, lighting her cigarette finally as she sunk into her chair, "Did you bring it with you?"
"To a highly clandestine meeting with my handler who's not a Hydra agent?" You asked rhetorically. "No. I did not."
"Mind the attitude, tovarich," Yelena warned. After sucking in two long puffs, she continued, "If this meeting is important enough for a Hydra operative to break their cover keeping an eye on you, then this could finally lead us to Erskine's research. Do as they say and report back to us after."
As you stood up to leave, Yelena whispered to you with a hint of concern in her voice, "Tovarich, if Hydra had an agent keeping an eye on you, it means they don't trust you. Be careful."
You were stunned, momentarily, but regained your composure when you remembered who you were talking to, "It wouldn't be the first time." You left the train car with no other words spoken. The faint smell of smoke still lingering on your coat.
Wednesday
"Come on, Buck. It'll be fun. Dancing, music, a chance to get out of your apartment!" Steve urged his best friend who was laying down on his couch in his slacks and a vest. Steve busied himself with trying to clean up the place a bit. Putting dishes in the sink and tossing any clothes laying about in the hamper. "When was the last time you went out?"
"The last time I let you talk me into doing something…" he retorted, not needing to finish his sentence.
"Yeah, but you never actually talked to Elle. It could have been a misunderstanding."
"He kissed her Steve!"
"On the lips?"
"N- No… but that's not the point."
"Then what is?"
Bucky sat up from the couch, "She broke up with me! And then when I see her after three weeks she's letting her boss give her a non-platonic kiss on the cheek!"
"Oh, Buck. You're jumping to conclusions. And even if that were true, wouldn't you want to know, beyond a doubt, how she felt. You know, before you leave for--"
Bucky chucked a pillow at Steve, "Why do you have to be such a good guy all the time. Why can't you just brood around my apartment like I'm doing?" he asked rhetorically.
"Because if both of us start brooding, we'll never leave this apartment." Steve picked up the pillow Bucky had thrown and used all his strength to playfully hit Bucky back.
"Ough!" Bucky exaggerated.
"Come on. Dancing. Music. A night out. You need it." Steve urged his friend, bringing over a cup of burnt coffee.
"When?" Bucky asked as he sipped at the bitter liquid.
"Friday," Steve said with a smile.
Bucky simply nodded, "Wipe that smug smile off your face. Guess we're going out."
When Steve got to his apartment he made sure the first thing he did was call Sally and let her know everything was in place. Steve prayed them playing matchmaker wouldn't backfire on them.
Friday
You had spent most of your week in a rebuttal battle of flirting with Howard. To say it had been taken more of your energy than you'd have like would be an understatement. In a way, you were glad you had agreed to go out with Sally tonight.
You looked in the mirror to see if your outfit complemented your lipstick -you chose rouge. You wore a red dress with a black lace pattern over the satin red and black pumps. You chose to wear lacey fingerless gloves and a small necklace.
"Hey, darlin' you almost ready?" Sally asked from your doorway, her hands fitting in a pair of large fake pearls. "Red?"
"What's wrong with red?" You shot back defensively.
Sally smirked coyly as though she was a mastermind checking all the boxes in her to-do list, "Nothin' it's just… The blue dress is perfect for dancin'. It twirls around you like magic!" She said excitedly.
You bit your lip to keep from smiling, "Alright I'll try on the blue one."
A few minutes later you called Sally back into the room and she gasped like it was the first time she'd seen the dress, "It's absolutely gorgeous. Give us a spin!"
You twirled round and as though the dress was a part of you, it flowed around you in cascades. The material breezing across your knees. You giggled like a teen.
"I suppose this will do."
"Come on then Hun. Let's go before we miss the bus!" Sally linked your arms together and rushed you out of the apartment.
***
Bucky kept running his hands through his fingers, whether it was nerves or just him not being out for a while, he couldn't tell, but he promised Steve he'd stop his brooding and have a fun night out. The Stork Club was filled with people, young and old. Somewhere by the bar cheering with friends while others were at the far end dancing to the live band. Bucky had almost missed the lively atmosphere of places like this. But every time he thought of going out and dancing with some broad, she'd always have the same face and the same laugh. She would always be Elle and it drove him crazy.
He couldn't close his eyes without seeing her face. Even now, in this club, hidden amongst the crowd, he saw her. She looked beautiful as always, the blue dress complementing her figure in a cool aura. She looked like a breath of fresh air amidst all the ladies wearing brighter reds and yellows and greens. He saw her rouge coloured lips and could almost taste their kiss atop the Ferris-Wheel in Coney Island. He could almost remember the exact thoughts he had as the sun set. That was the moment. Maybe if he had told her how he truly felt… Maybe if he had fought harder and not been the gentleman afraid of keeping her from her future. Maybe…
Then she disappeared as though she was never there as the crowd of dancing people grew in number.
Bucky closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, he was convinced he was starting to hallucinate her now. "I'm going to go to the bar. I need a drink." He told Steve.
"Don't get lost," his friend teased.
"A whiskey, neat," he asked the bartender.
"Buy a girl a drink?" A woman's voice spoke beside him. Bucky turned to look at her. She was beautiful he couldn't deny, and the way she looked at him… he was almost tempted to buy her that drink but he knew it would simply be an excuse to forget about Elle and that he'd regret it the next day.
"Sorry, Doll. Some other time," he gave her a weak smile, her lips turned downwards, she was disappointed but he didn't care. He downed his drink and went back to find Steve.
***
You walked away from the dancing crowd, feeling the heat in your cheeks. You needed to catch your breath. Sally followed after you, giggling with warmth. You'd be lying if you said this wasn't exactly what you needed. Then you saw someone familiar on the far end of the room.
"Steve!" You shouted in surprise as you saw your little friend alone in a corner. "What are you doing here?" You marched over with Sally still on your heel.
"Uh… Elle, hey! Um, this is a surprise..." Steve fidgeted about.
Without warning, you wrapped your arms around him with a big smile on your face. You didn't realise how much you'd missed him in the last month.
"Wait, if you're here, does that mean--" before you could finish your question you heard that oh-so-familiar voice speak behind you.
"Elle?"
Your breath got caught in your throat and your muscles felt petrified. You were frozen there.
"Bucky..." you whispered too low for anyone to hear.
"Oh my, now this is quite the coincidence. All four of us at the same club. Must be fate!" Sally chimed in from behind you. She quickly grabbed Steve's arms -who looked a little apologetic- and rushed him to the bar. "Steve, how about we get a drink. Catch up. I'm absolutely parched!"
Sally dragged him away as she mouthed an insincere "Sorry," before winking and disappearing.
After a few breaths, you finally had the courage to turn around and meet Bucky's eyes. When you looked into his beautiful blues again for the first time in a month it felt as though you'd been knocked off your feet. You'd almost forgotten how easy it was for him to make your heart race and your cheeks flush. How easy it was for him to turn your steeled conviction into a brittle wall made of plaster.
It was as though time stopped. Everything melted away and all you could focus on was the man standing in front of you.
Bucky snapped his fingers, putting on cool airs in an effort to break the silence, "I should have known Steve was up to something. Usually, I'm the one nagging him to go out." He gave an awkward smile as he rubbed the nape of his neck.
You laughed awkwardly not wanting to fall back into the silence, "Tell me about it. I should be able to smell Sal's devious plans a mile away by now. I guess I've just been too preoccupied with work."
Bucky's head snapped up at the mention of work. His jaw clenched for the briefest moment. It was his tell. "How is it. Your new job?"
"Honestly, I miss the Dinner. I miss Hal constantly nagging Annie and Sally mothering everyone…" You wanted to say I miss you but you stopped yourself. "Working for an obnoxious genius can be quite draining."
"You seemed pretty chummy to me," Bucky blurted out. He cursed at himself, seemingly regretting his words, but it was too late, you heard him.
What do you mean?" You looked at him, puzzled by his comment. Then it hit you. The pink flowers, Sally's odd behaviour. The setup. "The flowers, they were from you."
"You got them?" Bucky's tone relaying his shock. "But I never gave them to you..."
"I saw from my desk. I assumed one of the secretaries threw them out. I guess they reminded me of the peach tree flowers at the picnic."
Bucky's eyes lit up then, "I thought the same thing." He smiled, genuinely and it made your heart flutter.
"Why did you throw them out?" You placed a hand on his forearm. Bucky looked down at the contact longingly.
"I saw you. And Stark. You seemed… close."
You laughed, something about the idea of you and Stark being together tickled your funny-bone. Maybe it was the irony of the fact getting close to Stark was part of your mission. Or, perhaps, it was because Bucky thought Howard could replace him. If Bucky knew how you truly felt around him, he'd understand how absurd that thought was.
"Howard's known for being a harmless flirt. He cares more for his work than anything. I don't think he'd know what to do I he ever got into a real relationship."
Bucky took a step closer to you, "So then… you and him?"
You smiled, taking the other step forward, "Strictly professional. I promise."
Bucky smirked, the look of an idea crossing his mind glistening through his eyes, "Well since we're here." He held out his hand. "The band is playing our song, Doll."
There it was, that charm and charisma you'd been craving for so long. The special way he called you 'Doll'. His smile and his outstretched hand. A part of you screamed to stay away, to spare him from any dangers or heartbreak that had convinced you to end things a month ago. But you were tired of being that cautious, good little soldier. For once, you saw what it was you wanted. What you craved with every nerve and cell. And for once, you weren't going to deny it. After all, it was just a dance. One, harmless, short dance.
Your lips turned upwards, your eyes glued to his. "I'd love to."
Bucky took your hand and twirled you towards him. Over his shoulder, you saw Sally bounding and bouncing about, no doubt proud of her intervening. Steve also seemed quite pleased with himself.
When the band played something slow, you rested your ear on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. With each beat, you felt joy begin to build within your own heart. All night you'd had this large smile that refused to subside -and so did Bucky.
The two of you stumbled out of the crowd of dancing bodies and headed towards the back exit in need of cool air. The band's lively music, still audible from the amber coloured alleyway. You lifted your head and took a deep breath, condensation forming when you breathed out.
"God, I missed this," You admitted to Bucky as you blew at a strand of hair that had come undone from its pin. On instinct, Bucky tucked it behind your ear, but as soon as he realised what he did -touch you as though you were still familiar with each other- he cleared his throat and bit his lower lip. "Sorry, a force of habit."
Before you could stop yourself you blurted out, "I've missed you, Buck."
Bucky placed one hand around your cheek, the other around the small of your back. He held your gaze for a moment, as though looking for any indication you didn't like where this was going, you didn't give any such signs. He leaned in and you closed in the distance. And after what felt like an age stretching out forever, his lips met yours and the two of you were lip-locked in a passionate embrace. Lost in the heat of the moment, you leaned into his touch. Your hands folded across his back, a moan escaping your lips as he guided your body towards a wall, pinning you there while one hand moved achingly slowly from your waist to your thigh. His grip was greedy and a little rough causing you to quiver, he could feel your body shake against his chest making him deepen your kiss even more. You let out a second moan when he suddenly stopped.
"Why did you stop?" You asked with deeply flushed cheeks and swollen lips.
Bucky's thumb graced your cheek as if trying to make sure you were real, you tilted your head against his hand, letting him know you were with him in this moment. "Do you have any idea what effect you have on me?" There was a tinge of pain hidden in those words, it made you rush to cup his cheeks and reassure him.
He clasped both your hands, "I just, I need to say this."
You had a feeling that whatever it was he was about to say, it had the power to change things forever. You swallowed hard, almost afraid of what he was about to say, but you owed him this much.
"Okay," you whispered softly.
"Before you, I had never really felt anything close to what I feel when I'm around you. I felt… I feel invincible, like I can do anything! I never imagined it could feel like this, being with someone. But then, I had to let you go, because I was convinced I couldn't be the one to hold you back from your new job, from your new future. But… I hate that I didn't fight for you. I hate that I decided to take the high road. You drive me crazy, Elle…"
You flinched when he called you Elle. More than anything you wanted him to call you by your real name. You wanted to be completely transparent with him.
"I want you back," he kissed your knuckles before letting them go. He brought his hand back to your face, his eyes boring deep into your soul you felt like you couldn't breathe as long as they were on you. "I need you back."
"James Buchanan Barnes… I never stopped being yours. You had me at 'Hello'." You kissed him again this time it was less greed and passion. It was tender and soft. It was a silent I love you.
The vibrations of Bucky's laugh travelled through the kiss making your knees buckle.
"Want to get out of here?" He asked with an extended hand.
You placed your hand in his, "Lead the way."
As you walked away from the club, rain clouds began to form and in no time, the smell of rain filled the air with promise.
Part 11 is Here!
MASTERPOST | For Tumblr App
As Always: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, If you like it don’t be afraid to ask to be added to the tag list and feedback is like a writer’s favourite gift, so if you have anything to say, don’t be shy!! ;)
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i would LOVE a rec list for some fics
hOOOH ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LETS GO >83c
Two things first:
-There are some other, really promising fics I’ve read and am keeping up with that as of now aren’t yet far enough in the story for me to rec em quite yet, so I’ll do another one of these in the future for them if another list is wanted! >83c
-I won’t be reccing NSFW with Aloy here because…she’s around my age and it’d feel weird and uncomfy for me if I did tbh
Let’s start with some of the Big Guns™!! (This…turned into more of a love letter than a fic list hMDJSJDJSMDJSEMDJ ^^;)
The ‘That One Fic Where Elisabet Lives’ Saga-Second Dawn (Writerly)hOOOH B O Y O WHERE DO I START THIS BEAUTY IS PHENOMENAL. I remember not being too sure about how the premise would play out but reading it anyway because GAIA and Elisabet. Binged the whole thing in an afternoon and never regretted a spot of it.It’s a post-canon fic where GAIA is back online with much help from Aloy a year after the game’s events. GAIA soon decides to bring back wife Elisabet from the beyond. As you do. A many-feels story is what’s promised and that’s what you get–a buncha Sobeck fam goodness but also all the existentialism you’d expect if you dragged and dropped a technically-dead person into the 30th century (which in this fic has a good deal of wonderful elaboration of its cultures and customs and themes)Also, you’ll likely come out of this with a hefty desire to give Ted Faro a kick in the nuts–something that I myself have been wanting to do so since July 2017, so, y'know. Fair.Leaving the crusty trillionaire behind Lis is honestly the crown jewel character here, with GAIA and Aloy close behind. I just…words????? word s??????¿¿¿¿¿ Their developments are lovely and intricate throughout the whole thing and you get adorable Mom!Lis and playful cheeky GAIA and Aloy being able to get a semblance of fulfillment and chill for once in her on fire garbage can life and heal well i jUSTi’m very emotional here take this doodle of a Good Scene and leave my heart bE
-Identity (CZGoldedition)A prequel of sorts to Second Dawn, about GAIA and how her consciousness develops alongside Lis’ companionship. I find the fic particularly shines in its characterization of GAIA, especially in her earlier development where she doesn’t quite know How Do when it comes to humans and boundaries or even how to pose her own hologram (I love her…So Much she’s doing her beesssst) but BY JOVE is she going to try to be the most understanding person out there, GET IT GIRL
This fic also introduced Lis/Samina and Travis just being the biggest yet oddly well-meaning lil shit and aAAAHHHH I L OVE THIS CHARACTER WORKK
-Of Breaking and Reforging (thoroneaquila)Fun fact: while writing these down in notes I’ve dubbed this and the one following it 'the fics about Avad that made me cry’. Because daMN if it iSN’T TRUEThis particular one takes the form of a letter by Avad written to Aloy, confessing the experiences of his life as a Carja prince during the Red Raids. Thoroneaquila consistently writes Avad really honkin’ well–his quiet but passionate nature and the guilt that pushes him to do better is always palpably yet subtly there, and the whole thing is just written beautifully start to finish. Worthy of the hand of this benevolent king that’s for sure, soft-spoken yet fiercely sincere even in print.
-Sundust (thoroneaquila)PART TWO OF SUN FAM SAD TIME. This time Avad literally right after the Liberation and his coronation. Just as wonderfully written as the last one, except third-person present-tense now. I particularly liked how it weaved worldbuilding with the prose to the point that this one-chapter take just. Felt so rich. Also I love thoroneaquila’s Kadaman a whole lot and want nothing more than to wrap these preciouses in blankets and hiss at whatever comes to deal them harm. THEY’VE ENDURED EN OUGH THEYRE DOING THEIR BEST
-laburnum (alpacas)I haven’t been able to comment on this one yet which is a trAVESTY this ditty to Ersa and Avad and their story is just nothing short of a good engaging time. It gets REALLY into the nitty-gritty of Jiran’s court as well as immediately after he is dethroned, and alternates between the two. The seeming effortlessness of the establishment of setting and mood between chapters impress me every time–it paces something marvelous and does a great job weaving OCs and appropriate worldbuilding into the swing of things. Also, fuck if it isn’t amusing to see that Ersa’s very first impression of her future sunshine honeybuns was how easily she could conk him dead with a bucket to the head.
Also seeing her wanting to throw hands every ten fucking seconds was amazing. Her complex characterization is amazing. I like this Ersa. Please can we have this Ersa.
-Anthropotheism (penhaligon)AI FAM AI FAM AI FAM AI FAM AI FAMGAIA’s subfunctions become AIs of their own, resulting from the shit HADES pulled with the code-shackle-dissolving-hullaballoo. Aloy has a Terrible No-Good Day until she does something that catches one of their attentions, and the path to restoring GAIA suddenly isn’t so difficult anymore.This fic gives s o much love to some great NPCs in, imo, the most badass way. Also you got the former subfunctions interacting with each other like family and squabbling and regarding Aloy and GAIA as their own too and gahhh it’s so go o dAlso Aloy gets a pet sawtooth. He is named. And I love him.
Shit has gotten Real recently in the fic’s proceedings and i’M HANGING ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT HEREAlso kudos for dropping a meme midway through the thing–that had me snorting and giggling for five minutes str aight.
Oneshots/Mostly character work/Ship fics:aIGHT here’s where more of the ship-centric ones and character pieces happen. and full disclosure on the ship part: I’m a sappy wlw who stans Aloy the Disaster Lesbean so that’s what’s going to comprise my list hehe >:3c (I won’t be doing doodles for these, since there’s so manyyy TwT; and i’m running low on steam and time)
-You Would Have Loved Her So (snowghostikrie)A short but artfully written scene of Avad letting his walls down around his loving stepmother and getting to mourn Ersa properly at long last. I love this in its sadness and comfort and just Nasadi being the BEST™
-Guessing Targets (Recourse)HHHH W O W WAS THIS LOVEY it’s some good ol’ Aloy/Vala the night before the Proving, where they got a bit more heart-to-heart than the game would lead you to think. It’s a wonder on both their characters and is so charming and a good warm fuzzy read I just love this
-Up in the Night (prettyaveragewhiteshark)SO SHORT BUT SO GO O D I was looking up Aloy/Vala content since i’d fallen hard and this was one of the only things in the AO3 tag at the time. It’s so s o sweet (bittersweet, given context to the future) and?? just a good read about two gals being pals over the fireplace?? Oh this fic just warms my heart
-Where Sun and Shadow Met (blacksandunderstars)ELIDA/ALOYY i have a soft spot for this rarepair and nowhere is it more present than in this fic. It just starts off with the premise of Aloy sharing her deepest losses with Elida around Atral’s death to comfort her. (I think I’ll need to put in a tw for allusions to suicide just in case, since that was what Elida was planning on) They end up having an uplifting and adorable interaction and the end of the fic is just?? 👌🏽👌🏽 dear goodness it’s a soup of adorable and I just want aLL OF IT
This is by no means an end-all-be-all list tho!! There are more I’d love to add but probably will save for a better day, but for now here’s some Good Shit™!! >83c
#horizon zero dawn#hzd#fic rec#WHEEZES HELLO PLEAS TAKE MY LOVE AND MY AWKWARD SKETCHES JSSJDJSDJSJSNS#tiara's ghostly howl stakes claim to the night
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