#otp: the one thing in this world that truly ever gave me joy

[koushirouizumi]

{D.N. A n g e l} ~ Stage 3 Part 21

[aph-japan]

{D.N. A n g e l} ~ STAGE 4

[izzyizumi]

Some Digi-Fan @ Me...: ”So what are your thoughts on the potentials of the next Ghost Game ep-”

ME: “Akira Ishida, I’m onto you.” (If you don’t get the joke: Akira Ishida {Kiyoshiro’s seiyuu} voices both Kiyoshiro here, and Satoshi Hiwatari there. ~Coincidentally~ Or Not, Satoshi is also a character who is a “Genius” with experience overseas that “skipped” multiple grades in school {something which is also extremely unusual for most “normal” anime characters going by a real-world based, or at least similar, semi-“realistic” timeline of real-world events}. And then Ghost Game pulls out a scenario called “Icy Hell”... Involving the characters getting locked into a freezer-like area together....) [ And they’re both boys. ] {...which coincidentally also happens this way in D.N.Angel.} [Surely Akira Ishida doesn’t remember how that scenario turned out!] (OK, but mainly I’m just giggling over shared seiyuu roles.)

gifs by @izzyizumi, {DO NOT REPOST} {DO NOT REMOVE CAPTION} {DO NOT use this post for spreading series negativity} {OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE BLOCKED} {usage of gifs may be allowed if permission is asked / or if credit is given. However, read my about & FAQ pages first. Please do NOT use / ask if you match anything in my “Do Not Interact” sections.

[Note: commenting/tagging positively/respectfully is ok!] (Please AGREE TO BANNERS BEFORE interacting) (Note: click on the banners to enlarge / read text more clearly!)

[luna-tiel]

What Entrapdak Means to Me

On the eve of Entrapdak Positivity Month, I thought it was as good a time as any to share my rambling thoughts on a ship that’s affected me in a way I didn’t think was possible. 

Entrapdak is the first ship I have ever been invested in. It’s such a new experience for me that it’s taken me the last few months to wrap my head around the whole thing. I may relate to the characters in a show, but when they form romantic attachments I view it with a degree of passive distance. I don’t understand what it’s like to have those sorts of feelings for someone (I am aromantic and ace as a brick), and, well, I’m honestly not curious enough to give the subject a thorough study. My mind tends to fixate on other things. 

What does this have to do with Entrapdak, you ask? Long story short for people who don’t want to read my meandering essay -- I relate a lot to these characters, and the way they bonded together struck a deep chord in me that I can’t ignore. 

Let’s start with the characters. I knew going in that Entrapta was neurodivergent-coded, but I took it with a grain of salt. When I actually watched the show, however, I found myself relating to her so deeply it shocked me. Never have I felt such a kinship with a fictional character! We don’t share every trait, but it was still like seeing my brain put to life on screen. I related to her enthusiasm over her special interests, her struggles to fit in, her desire to make friends who accept and understand her for who she is. 

The fact Entrapta is completely herself is something I love about her. Over the years of growing up undiagnosed, I developed a lot of masking strategies. Human psychology is one of my special interests, and even with all that accumulated knowledge, masking isn’t easy. It’s extremely mentally taxing. Masking can certainly look easy -- I can, when I have the drive and energy, “pass” as neurotypical, and only people who know me extremely well can tell I’m dying inside. All that effort is taken for granted by a lot of NTs because that’s how people are “supposed to” act, and surely I can “do the bare minimum.” The accumulated stress of near constant masking has led me to the darkest moments I’ve had in my life.

Entrapta’s struggle with leaving Beast Island hit me hard. It threw me back to a time when my feelings of isolation and worthlessness got so bad that I lost the energy to do anything, even the creative pursuits that were the obsession of my life. I retreated so deeply into my inner world that I hardly interacted with anyone. That total apathy shocked my family into getting me professional help, which gave me my autism diagnosis, the coping skills to move forward, and a good start on the road to self-acceptance. It also opened a channel between my family and I, allowing me to feel heard and understood. (An important side note on mental health: if you or someone you love needs professional help, please seek it! Sometimes you have to try out several therapists -- it took me three to find a good fit -- but you are worth it!)

It took me longer to realize, but I also relate to Hordak in some ways. Mercifully I was not raised in an extremist cult environment. However, I know what it’s like to feel defective next to a sibling that seems perfect. I was constantly being compared to my younger brother, and in all areas but art, he was superior. He was smart, athletic, and above all, he fit in with everyone. I didn’t hate him for this -- I hated myself. Trying to measure up to his standard is what caused me to develop such strong masking strategies. Underneath it all, I felt the despair of knowing my peers would reject me as soon as the mask cracked. I also live with chronic joint pain, starting at around age seven. The jury is still out on what’s causing that (the worst of it was due to a previously unknown food allergy, but the pain still comes and goes, even though it’s a lot more manageable than it used to be). This cocktail of pain, stress, and sensory issues I had to deal with gave me a very short fuse at times. 

As an aside, just because I sympathize with Hordak does not mean I am excusing his actions. He is still going to have to face the consequences of his choices, and work to adjust to life post-Prime. The series end gave him a new beginning, the opportunity to be redeemed, and I prefer this to a rushed redemption arc. 

What I love most about Hordak and Entrapta’s relationship is how they accept each other as they are. Hordak gives Entrapta near free reign of his sanctum, he listens to her when she talks, and he respects her opinions. Even when he pushes her away, he still considers the logic of what she tells him, and sometimes ends up doing things her way despite his initial instincts. This is something I do in my own life; I am easily overwhelmed by new information, so my initial response to an idea/activity is almost always a firm (and sometimes rude) “no,” until I have time to properly process and think about it. Hordak is the first person in Entrapta’s life that truly listens to her. He still has things he needs to work on, but it’s a lot better than how most of the princesses are with Entrapta. The Alliance treats her as someone to be managed -- she is useful, but unreliable. Hordak, in contrast, trusts her to get things done in her own way. 

On the other side, Entrapta is the first person in Hordak’s life to accept him without judgment. Hordak spends so much of his energy putting up a front of strength and intimidation, and Entrapta cuts right through that. She’s not frightened by his appearance, and even his outbursts have little effect on her until the two of them start to bond. Entrapta doesn’t come into their interactions with any preconceived ideas of what Hordak is like, or more importantly, what he should be like. This lack of expectation leaves her completely open to accepting whatever Hordak does and says, and it also relieves Hordak of the burden of needing to put on a front around her. When Entrapta sees him at his most vulnerable, she reaches out to him with compassion, something he has never felt before. Entrapta also does this in a way that doesn’t belittle Hordak. His imperfections are not something to pity, they are a valuable part of who he is. 

I loved watching their friendship develop. Entrapta and Hordak’s shared time together evolved slowly into a bond that gave each of them a sense of belonging they had never experienced before with anyone else. It gave me the hope that, despite what an oddball mess I am, perhaps I could find someone who understands me too. 

When a romance subplot inserts itself into a story, I tend to gloss over and ignore it (if I pick up on it at all). I’m even less interested in sex. Way back when I was first getting into fandom I was so excited to go online and meet fellow fans of the books and shows I liked, only to discover the spaces being dominated by arguments over character pairings. I was baffled. This is what people are most interested in? Oh well… back to the hermit cave I go! 

I was late to the party with SPoP. I’d watched a few episodes, but the show didn’t really hook me. This was partially because all I ever heard people talk about online was Catradora, and if that was the main appeal of the show, I wasn’t sure I would enjoy it (sorry Catradora shippers, romance is not going to entice me to watch a show, even if it’s rep). Quarantine was the ultimate cause for me embracing my curiosity and diving headfirst into SPoP, binging the entire thing a few months before the release of season 5.

I vaguely knew about Entrapdak as a ship going into the show, and I admit, had I not been primed for it, I probably would have missed the romantic potential entirely. In no way did I expect to become invested. I was immediately intrigued by their dynamic, and as they got closer, I found myself thinking “oh, I see why people ship these two.” I didn’t understand this realization until months later. I was relating to the characters, and for the first time in my life, I was relating to their relationship.

I headcanon Entrapta and Hordak as an asexual couple. I’ll elaborate on this at a later time (asexuality is a spectrum with a lot of nuance, and this post is plenty long already), but at the core of it, I find joy in imagining these characters in a loving platonic relationship, something I hope to find myself one day. I hope this love comes across in my artwork and in my fanfictions <3

To those of you that read this far, wow, you must be patient! Have an imaginary cookie! I hope this ramble has provided a decent picture for why I, as an aro ace on the autism spectrum, have come to cherish Hordak and Entrapta’s relationship. It’s my first and only OTP… I’m still in shock thinking about that… I guess we’ll see where things go from here!

Take care of yourselves out there!

[decennia]

anything? 🤔

any ideas for val x ernie? ernies reactions to her, the hufflepunks reaction to them, who asks who out, who kisses first, and so on???

Val and Ernie are my OTP, my ride or die, sink or swim.

Ernie only took notice of Valeria during fourth year.

He always knew of her, but he never knew her. All he knew was that she was pretty, and a Slytherin, and he figured that combination meant she wouldn't bother wasting her time with the likes of him.

The first time he noticed her — actually stopped, and sat, and took notice of her because everything he actually knew about her was based off assumptions he'd made based on previous interactions with Slytherins — it hadn't been some Great Event™ where time stood still while he watched her glide down the stone steps in her velvet gown for the Yule Ball (though when he had seen her for the Ball, his heart stuttered, and he forgot how to function his lungs for a good minute).

No, this had happened during what Ernie thought was going to be a normal Slytherin-Hufflepuff transfiguration lesson.

It was all theory that day. They were learning about... By Merlin, he couldn't remember.

Probably because he'd been partnered with her.

Or, more specifically, she'd partnered herself with him.

In an effort to strengthen house relations, Professor Sprout had suggested to all the teachers that they should implement more "teamwork" into their lessons.

Which was all well and good, only no one wanted to pair up with him.

It was no secret that Ernest Macmillan was well and truly the worst transfiguration student Hogwarts had ever seen. So, crestfallen, he watched as Althea joined Kieran Alvarez, and as Sue side eyed the Emerald Trio in contempt, before deciding Draco Malfoy had at least half a braincell to get her a passing grade.

And every other Slytherin avoided him like the plague.

And then, he was enveloped in the scent of perfume, subtle, beautiful. He looked up, curious, to find Valeria Rutherford, easing herself into the chair beside him, her bag dropping unceremoniously to the floor with a thud that might've been loud if the blood hadn't been rushing in his ears.

"I think you have the wrong seat," he managed to stammer out.

"No," she said, quite simply. She never looked at him. "I'm right where I need to be."

He struggled between openly staring, and avoiding even a glance her way the entire lesson. They worked in quite pleasant silence.

He was so nervous, he knocked over his inkwell, poor thing.

Val didn't say a word, she just handed him a monogrammed silk handkerchief from her breast pocket, and continued working.

His ears flamed, and he thought he'd pass out with embarrassment as he mopped up the ink.

No sooner had Professor McGonagall uttered her dismissal was Valeria Rutherford gone, the only indication that she hadn't been a dream being a scrap of ink soaked silk and that trace of perfume still lingering in the air.

He wouldn't shut up about her for days.

Sue had been ready to kill him after the first hour, but it took four days for Althea to crack.

Especially when he snuck into their room at five a.m., after having remembered something else about her he liked.

There was a lot.

And Ernie was observant.

"You know what else I like about Val? Her socks. Did you see them? They were velvet. Velvet socks! Who has velvet socks? Valeria does, that's who. Magical!" "ALTHEA, I SWEAR, IF YOU DON'T LET ME JINX HIM, AT LEAST LET ME GET ONE GOOD PUNCH." "Shh, go to sleep, I'll get you some earplugs tomorrow, Sue. Ernie... If you know what's good for you, leave before I find my wand."

But in spite of everything, Ernie couldn't get three words out to Valeria.

At least not without becoming a stuttering mess.

Sue and Althea — having rediscovered their better natures during their waking hours — were quite supportive of Ernie. Never pushed him to speak to Val, only gave him a subtle head's up she had entered the room so he wouldn't suddenly choke on his own tongue (you'd think that it would be quite impossible, having spent your whole life successfully avoiding it, but it happened so often to Ernie in Val's presence, the Hufflepunks developed a whole secret sign language to give him fair warning).

Val asked Ernie out first (officially).

Unofficially, Ernest Macmillan had attempted, and failed, to ask Valeria Rutherford out about fifty-eight times (Hannah had been keeping track; she shared a room with Sue and Althea, and was consequently privy to any and all declarations of love made at dawn).

He'd barely managed to stammer out the words "hello Valeria would you-?" (four words, a new record) before she smiled and said, "go to the Yule Ball with me."

It hadn't been a question.

Which was good, because Ernie wouldn't have been able to answer, he was rendered utterly speechless.

She stood, gave him a kiss on the cheek (he would later swear up and down the room that it had been the corner of his mouth, even though Althea, Sue, Hannah, and Justin had all been witness to the very chaste kiss. "Ern, it was closer to your ear." "Yeah, well, that's hot too!")

Ernie was the first one to kiss Valeria properly.

It had been the end of the night for the Yule Ball, and Ernie was walking Val back to the Slytherin common room.

Poor lad was so nervous, he was practically vibrating.

He attempted small talk, but the stutter was back. He cursed himself under his breath, he'd been doing so well that night, having managed to make it through without fucking up once, and now, there he was, dissolving in the echoey silence of the corridor. He hated the way his voice garbled and bounced around him against the stone.

He'd been so great earlier. He'd even managed to make Valeria laugh! And if he thought his crush was bad before, it was absolutely devastating now.

"This is me," she'd said. Her voice sounded nice in the echoey silence of the corridor, he decided.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she'd laughed again, and he was prepared to defenestrate himself, because no music would ever match that sound, and nothing would ever consume him so deliciously as the way she made him feel, looking at him with a small smile dancing across her lips.

"Are you sure it's not another lap around the castle?"

Her response was a light chuckle, and then she leaned in.

For a hug, he would realize too late, as he stuck out his hand awkwardly for a handshake.

Her movements faltered, and brief confusion was chased away by humour as she accepted his outstretched hand and gave it one firm shake.

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" She'd grinned.

"Yeah," he'd choked out, ears aflame. No, he thought. You will never see me again because I'm about to take on the Whomping Willow in hand to hand combat.

He'd promptly spun on his heel and began writing his will in his head. To Althea, I leave my broomstick. Sue, she'll get my Chocolate Frog Card Collection—

Valeria had been halfway through the Slytherin password when Ernest Macmillan had returned.

She'd faltered, surprised, and suddenly his lips were on hers.

He was a good kisser, which always came as a surprise to people.

His chest was heaving when they broke apart, the thrill of her thrumming deep in his bones.

"Sorry," he heard himself say. He wasn't stammering any more. "I just wasn't going to let myself ruin tonight."

He then planted a gentle kiss to the back of her hand before leaving her there, a swagger in his step, and elation fogging his brain.

When he rounded the corner and disappeared from her sight, he'd broken into a sprint, whooping for joy. He'd even hugged Professor Sprout on his way back to the Hufflepuff common rooms. Through her laughter, she'd admonished him for running in the hallways, but he couldn't hear her, because he was on another plane of existence, because he'd kissed Valeria Rutherford, the most beautiful girl in the world, and she'd kissed him back.

Sue and Althea had stayed up for him this time.

Even Hannah had groggily pulled herself out of her slumber to hear about it.

And after he was done, dopey grin on his face, he fell back onto Althea's bed.

He realized he was wrong; there was one thing that could consume him as deliciously as the way she made him feel. It was her kiss.

[amedetoiles]

give me a character meme! wwx please!!

[All gifs made by me. No stealing or reposting, thank you. ♥︎]

★ How I feel about this character

I love wwx so much and he deserves so much!!! My feelings for him can be summed up by my first ever meta in this fandom, this half-crack half-shitpost, and the many many meta tears scattered across all the tags on my page that various people have yelled at me for. I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him. No character has wrecked me as much as this stupid chaotic ass, who is so inherently good and selfishly selfless it fucking hurts. Yet, for all the love and care he gives freely to everyone else, he can’t for the life of him compute any that others have given to him. He tries so hard to be good, to make the right choices even in impossible, horrendous circumstances, and it’s excruciatingly painful watching him realize again and again that even good choices paved with good intentions can cause destruction. He suffers so much because of it. He suffers before we even really meet him. @cangse-sanren​ wrote “Your parents were bright smears of color and laughter to you, but little more” in this beautiful fic, and I still weep about it daily.

I love how immensely protective he is of both his siblings. He just tries so goddamn hard to be what everyone needs. I could and have and will continue to cry about him every day. How his pathological tendency to repress all things that hurt him, to cover up his pain in humor and obnoxiousness and bravado, and his internalized belief that he is worth much less than everyone else, all converged into the most awful way possible. How despite losing his sect, his siblings, his friends, he was still trying up until the very end. God, what a fantastically complex fucking character. To watch him bloom again after that deluge of rage and grief and insanity 13/16 years later was the most satisfying journey anyone could possibly depict. To know that he has the chance to heal, to recover, to grow with all the different parts of his family he once thought lost forever now back in his reach (yes! even our angry grape!!). Truly amazing.

★ All the people I ship romantically with this character

WangXian!!!! These kids who came out of endless tragedy and trauma to find a love, a trust in each other–theirs is a love story that truly extends across space and time. It warms my heart to watch them rebuild their lives together into something warmer, and brighter, and happier than either of them ever grew up knowing. To watch them shed the psychological trauma on what it means to love and be loved given to them by their terrible parental figures and say, “No. We’re going to be better than that.” I love how they complement one another. How loudly and quietly they love each other. How in the warm security of each other’s embrace, they are each able to work through their own internalized traumas without judgement. Lan Wangji’s uncompromising devotion. Wei Wuxian’s fierce protectiveness. It’s hard to say who else could fit together so perfectly. What a joy it is to watch Wei Wuxian realize that he is no longer alone, that Lan Wangji is and will always be standing beside him. What a joy it is to watch Lan Wangji realize that this is not the dream he’s spent years suffering through, that Wei Ying has returned to him against all odds. What a fucking joy it is to watch them both learn to trust happiness, to trust love, to trust each other. GOD. *wails*

★ My non-romantic OTP for this character

YUNMENG SHUANGJIE. YUNMENG SIBS. YILING SIBS. A-YUAN AND HIS TWO DADS. All the different found families that permeated the story was just breathtakingly beautiful. They all fucking gutted me. It all at once makes Wei Wuxian’s story that much more beautiful and that much more tragic. For a child who lost his parents before he even had time to remember them, who then had to rebuild his family again and again, only to lose them each time in increasingly horrifying ways–it truly fucked me up. Wei Wuxian stood on that cliff in Nightless City, and it was visibly clear that he wanted nothing more than to join all the families he loved and watched die (because of him).

The beauty of his story of course is that for all the tragedy that he is subsumed by, for all the ways that he is wronged and has wronged, there are equal, if not more, number of ways that he is lifted, is healed, is shone a light through all the darkness. In the end, his families return to him. Wen Ning, who lived despite it all, carrying the memory of his sister, the best doctor in the world. His shijie shining through his bratty nephew’s heart of gold. His very own A-Yuan, kept safe and protected all these years by his soulmate, his zhiji. His angry grape of a little brother who can’t say I forgive you but tosses him Chenqing that he’s kept safe all these years and says I trust you. They’re all a little broken, a little worse for wear, but there’s something extraordinarily beautiful about these families who find each other again through the bridges they rebuild towards something better.

★ My unpopular opinion about this character

Oh man, I’ve seen a lot of debate about wwx that I try not to get into (I type this of course as I ready myself to do exactly that). Probably the most unpopular opinion (possibly?) I have is that I don’t personally feel like the addition of a second flautist and expanding Jin Guangyao’s villain-ry in CQL detracted or reduced Wei Wuxian’s complex morality–one of my favorite and best parts to his character. I still think he is very gray. His tragedy is still contingent on his naive idealism and his willful blindness that a person only needs to be righteous and honorable regardless of reputation and politics. This clearly isn’t the case. Not just for him, but for all the characters. You can do everything right and still be punished. You can do everything right and still cause others pain. You can be the most hypocritical, loudmouthed piece of judgmental shit and still remain unpunished and available to share your stupid ass ignorant opinions on matters that have nothing to do with you. (Whoops that got away from me.) Wei Wuxian learns this repeatedly. It’s excellent and heartbreaking.

The thing about Wei Wuxian is that for all that he has imposter syndrome, for all that he is unable to see that he is a person worthy of the love he receives, he is still not only extremely confident in his own abilities and in his beliefs of what is right and what is wrong, but also that he is the person who can decide that line between justice and evil. An arrogant assumption, and one that causes not only him but the people he strives to protect a significant amount of pain. This wasn’t lost in CQL. While the plot technically does absolve him of all of his crimes on a surface level, it’s clearly not as simple for Wei Wuxian himself. In the Ancestral Hall, Wei Wuxian stares at the names of Jiang Fengmian, Madam Yu, and Jiang Yanli, whose lives are heavily felt on his shoulders, and he tells Lan Wangji, “After all, the Stygian Tiger Seal was created by me. Whether Jin Guangyao was there or not, that fact can’t be changed.” The show despite its censorship still asks the audience to evaluate his actions and the role he played, both willing and unwillingly, in the deaths of so many people.

It is also shown clearly that the cultivation world only stops trying to kill him because there was now another target, another scapegoat to blame. This is something that Wei Wuxian knows and expresses on multiple occasions on the show. For all that the show may have change things, I don’t think it’s necessarily correct or fair to say that it completely washed away the nuance that was present in the novel. The overarching conflicts and questions are still there. What is moral and what isn’t, what is justified and what isn’t, who is at fault for unforeseen consequences and who isn’t, and the role of external factors and circumstances in all of this. As someone who watched the drama first, I didn’t feel that the complexity of all the characters and their decisions was lost at all in comparison to the novel I later read. The show was honestly superb and still the best version for me overall. (Please don’t send pitchforks.) I have so much more to say about this, and Jin Guangyao still being a great nuanced character foil, but alas, this is already too long.

Other things: Wei Wuxian is a good brother actually, and he knows Jiang Cheng very well. He tried his best under the worst possible circumstances, and it was a great big shit show. I hate discussions where people try to hold one brother more responsible than the other. They both very nobly (and very recklessly) sacrificed a great deal for each other, and they both, frankly, fucked up. They’re Twin Idiots, and I’ll love and drag them both equally dammit! With that in mind, Wei Wuxian’s happy ending isn’t just him joining GusuLan sect, novel be fucking damned (yes, I said it!). His home can be in Gusu and Yunmeng. *SLAMS FISTS* Let 👏 Wei 👏 Wuxian 👏 go 👏 home 👏. (Talking to you, my grape guy. Jin Ling is going to show up in Lotus Pier one day with his da-jiu, and you’re just going to have to deal with it.)

★ One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

WEI WUXIAN PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HUG YOUR DIDI. Jiang Cheng has been waiting 16+ years for your hug, and he damn well deserves one, especially since he gave you such a great octopus hug, all limbs and burrowed scrunchy faces. Like, I know, I know, you were distraught, and traumatized, half-beaten to death after three days of intense surgery, then reaped by ten thousand undead souls calling for revenge, but guess who told your favorite (only) angry grape little brother that in the next life, let’s be brothers again okay?��GUESS WHO IS LIVING HIS NEXT LIFE??????? Bruh. Chop chop. Hop fucking to it.

[mizutoyama]

HPHM OTP Playlist

(Inspired by @drinkyoursoupbitch​ & @carewyncromwell​ )

Alice Beaumont x Charlie Weasley

It’s a long one... Sorry 😅(Been writing down songs that reminded me of Charlie and Alice’s relationship and its evolution for some time now...)

The order, while not perfect, is important. We start with Charlie realizing his feelings for Alice, followed by Alice’s own (very) slow realization, them dating through highs and lows, them breaking up, after the break up, until they finally find their ways toward each other again.

You came into my life

And I thought hey

You know this could be something

Two Is Better Than One (Boys Like Girls, Taylor Swift)

Oh I feel overjoyed

When you listen to my words

I see them sinking in

Overjoyed (Bastille)

Hey Juliet

I think you're fine.

You really blow my mind

Maybe some day you and me can run away.

I just want you to know.

I wanna be your Romeo.

Juliet (LMNT)

I remember the day we first met

The shy smiles and the spilling sunlight

I knew, just by looking into your eyes

Neverending story (Stray Kids)

She watches the sunset slip out of sight

She points to the lilacs in bloom

Her eyes filled with wonder

And my eyes they do the same

Just looking at her face

Looking at Her Face (Tyrone Wells)

What could a guy like me

Ever really offer?

She's perfect as she can be

Why should I even bother? 

She’s so High (Tal Bachman)

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

Enchanted (Owl City)

I think you're pretty

Without any makeup on

I think you're funny

When you tell the punchline wrong

Teenage Dream (The Rescues)

New and a bit alarming

Who'd have ever thought that this could be

True, that he's no Prince Charming

But there's something in him that I simply didn't see

Something There (Beauty and the Beast)

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow

A Thousand Years (Christina Perri)

You might need time to think it over

But I'm just fine moving forward

I'll ease your mind if you give me the chance

I will never make you cry, c'mon let's try

Beautiful Soul (Jesse McCartney)

So this is the miracle

That I've been dreaming of

Mmm, mmm

So this is love

So This Is Love (Cinderella)

'Cause lovers dance when they're feelin' in love

Spotlight's shinin' it's all about us

It's all about us

And every heart in the room will melt

This is a feeling I've never felt but

It's all about us

All About Us (He Is We)

Remember those walls I built

Well, baby, they're tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make a sound

Halo (Beyonce)

You've got me seeing stars brighter than ever

Shining just like diamonds do

I know that in time it could be all ours, brighter than ever

Your love is such a dream come true

Seeing Stars (Børns)

You’re already in my radius

My eyes are already a pair of binoculars

Other guys are outside my vision

Only you are growing bigger

Adrenaline (Girls’ Generation -TaeTiSeo)

As I looked up into those eyes, his vision borrows mine

And I know he's no stranger

For I feel I've held him for all of time

Ordinary Day (Vanessa Carlton)

It's a new world it's a new start

It's alive with the beating of young hearts

It's a new day it's a new plan

I've been waiting for you

Here I am

Here I Am (Bryan Adams)

I've got somewhere I belong

I got somebody to love

This is what dreams are made of

What Dreams Are Made Of (Hilary Duff)

You're the fire and the flood

And I'll always feel you in my blood

Everything is fine

When your hand is resting next to mine

Fire and the Flood (Vance Joy)

Do you feel the lightning inside of you

Will you follow through if I fall for you?

Don't look down

Up this high, we'll never hit the ground

Don’t Look Down (Martin Garrix)

And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way

To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say

You're OK with the way this is going to be

Must Have Done Something Right (Reliant K)

I can show you the world

Shining, shimmering, splendid

Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?

A Whole New World (Aladdin)

When you're near, I hide my blushing face

And trip on my shoelaces

Grace just isn't my forté

I Do Adore (Mindy Gledhill)

She calls me sweetheart

I love it when she wakes me when it's still dark

And she watches the sun

But she's the only one I have my eyes on

I Must Be Dreaming (The Maine)

And Edison would spin in his grave

To ever see the light that you gave

Don't wanna take it nice and slow here

Don't wanna waste a minute more dear

Warmer Climate (Snow Patrol)

There's something about you I can't describe

If only you could see yourself through my eyes

There is nothing I won't do to show you why

You cannot hide, you're simply one of a kind

Something About You (Lucius)

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Everyday I love you more and more

Come What May (Moulin Rouge)

My wildest dreamings

Could not foresee

Lying beside you

With you wanting me

As Long As You’re Mine (Wicked)

Make your fingers soft and light Let your body be the velvet of the night Touch my soul, you know how Andante, andante Go slowly with me now

Andante, Andante (Mamma Mia 2)

You be the Beast and I'll be the Beauty, beauty

Who needs true love as long as you love me truly.

I want it all, but I want you more

Wonderlands (Natalia Kills)

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol)

You're the reason that I feel so strong

The reason that I'm hanging on

Mess is Mine (Vance Joy)

There comes a time you need to let me know

We'll fight your demons

When they start to show

Circles (As Tall As Lions)

And when you're needing your space

To do some navigating

I'll be here patiently waiting

To see what you find

I Won't Give Up (Jason Mraz)

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

'Cause oh that gave me such a fright

But I will hold as long as you like

Just promise me we'll be alright

Ghosts That We Knew (Mumford & Sons)

I don't want to talk right now

I just want your arms wrapped around

Me and this moment before it runs out

Eavesdrop (The Civil Wars)

You're a wreck and you know

You've got me wrapped around your finger

Like a boy tangled in vines

But I've figured you out

Daisy (The Maine)

You tell me all the things you do

Tell me that it's up to you

Crying in the peaceful night

Telling all the things you hide

But out there in the future

Maybe you're the rainbow

A Song About Love (Jake Bugg)

All I want is to keep you safe from the cold

To give you all that your heart needs the most

May I (Trading Yesterday)

Tell me that you'll stay

Even when I'm far away

My voice will carry through

Until the end it's me & you

We can make it if we try

Silhouette (Active Child)

Pain or tears, let's change them into stars.

Light a light that will shine on our tomorrow.

Though we may waver now and then, let's do this together;

We'll find that forever, glittering brightly with stardust.

Let it out (Miho Fukuhara)

And when you cry a piece of my heart dies

Knowing that I may have been the cause

If you were to leave and fulfill someone else's dreams

I think I might totally be lost

The Girl (City and Colour)

I don't know where you're going

And I don't know why,

But listen to your heart

Before you tell him goodbye

Listen to Your Heart (DHT)

Can I embrace you one last time?

Can I bid farewell for the last time?

Just please don't forget those loving, happy memories

Driving Me Crazy (Master’s Sun)

But it was not your fault but mine

And it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

Didn't I, my dear?

Little Lion Man (Mumford & Sons)

If I was a burden to you

If I was a baggage

I should’ve left you earlier, I’m sorry

Happy (2NE1)

It's been seven hours and fifteen days

Since you took your love away

I go out every night and sleep all day

Since you took your love away

Nothing Compares to You (Stereophonics)

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing

Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'

And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's

All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses

Littlest Things (Lily Allen)

You said this was all for me

Like a lie, you coldly turned around

Why? Why? You’re gone away

Come Back Home (Unplugged Ver.) (2NE1)

The time when anything made us happy

Looking at each other

You were my strength

When you trusted me

LUV (Apink)

I will miss you the more I erase you

I will shed more tears than today

Like fate, I won’t ever have anyone like you

Good bye my love (Ailee)

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

The Reason (Hoobastank)

Well, you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Let Her Go (Passenger)

I tossed and turned in the end

With no one to talk to

I searched again and again

But I never found you

Up All Night (Owl City)

You didn’t say anything, and it was over

I didn’t say anything too, that was our end

The past was still clear

MILK (f(x))

But now the sun shines cold

And all the sky is grey

The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears

And all I wish

Is gone away

To Wish Impossible Things (The Cure)

Et au sud de mes peines j'ai volé loin de toi

Pour couvrir mon cœur d'une cire plus noire

Que tous les regards lancés à mon égard

J'ai tenté de voler loin de toi

C'était salement romantique (Coeur de pirate) (Decided not to put the translation ‘cause the one I found was bad.)

Don’t look back and leave

Don’t find me again and just live on

Because I have no regrets from loving you,

so only take the good memories

Haru Haru (Big Bang)

Even if you easily turn away,

easily get farther apart

I know I won’t easily forget you

If you see me, still the same, still like this

You will call me a fool

And One (Taeyeon)

The one person who appears even when I close my eyes

The person who is next to me even in my dreams

Do you even remember me?

Do you even think of me?

I miss you, please

The One Person, You (Jessica)

It's always times like these

When I think of you

And wonder if you ever think of me

Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong

Living in your precious memory

A Thousand Miles (Vanessa Carlton)

Come up to meet you

Tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you

Tell you I need you

The Scientist (Coldplay)

I just wanna love you again

Please come back to me girl

We just broke up but we need each other

Come back to me, you feel the same way

Wanna Love You Again (2PM)

Tired of being tangled in this mess and I

I'm ready to wish you the best tonight

Let me let you go

Let Me Let You Go (Namie Amuro)

Whoever I'll be gazing at, whoever I'll be spending time with,

a day when I can forget you won't come

I'll keep loving you in my heart,

but we can't be together anymore

Cause life's no love story

Love Story (Namie Amuro)

Think of all the things

We've shared and seen

Don't think about the way

Things might have been

Think of Me (Phantom of the Opera)

Now she's here shining in the starlight

Now she's here suddenly I know

If she's here it's crystal clear

I'm where I'm meant to go

I See the Light (Tangled)

Why are you looking down all the wrong roads

When mine is the heart and the soul of the song

There may be lovers who hold out their hands but

He'll never love you like I can

Like I Can (Sam Smith)

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

Say Something (A Great Big World)

If I would have known that you wanted me

The way I wanted you

Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart

But right here in each others arms

Almost Is Never Enough (Ariana Grande)

Why kiss another frog

You're the only one I want

It's obvious, Why can't you see?

Wontcha Take me to the place we used to meet

A Place Called You (Emma Stevens)

Can we start it all over again, this morning?

I lost all my defenses, this morning

Won't you show me the way it used to be?

Morning (Beck)

I will love you unconditionally

There is no fear now

Let go and just be free

I will love you unconditionally

Unconditionally (Katy Perry)

If you’ve gotten this far, congrats! And thank you! While this playlist has many songs, it’s only the tip of the iceberg.

[in-arlathan]

OTP Questions (#2)

Next round of questions. Thanks, @dharma-writes, for the tag! <3

This one is for Elenara and Solas again and it was so much fun to think about these questions. I’m used to writing this Solavellan romance on auto-pilot with a lot of secret headcanons in-between, haha. Coming up with some answers made me want to write a ton of new fics for the two of them.

But without further ado, let’s get started ...

Do they fight often? If so, what is their dynamic like?

Solas likes to quarrel with the other companions in the Inquisition. Every now and then, he will try to argue with Elenara about her decisions or certain people/events at Skyhold (Dorian, cough), but she treats his attempts more like intellectual debates, calming Solas in the process. Elenara has a very slow temper and is not angered easily but when she is, she can be hot-headed. More than Solas, even. When she gets furious, she might say things she can never take back. That’s why she will rush of to calm herself down before the fighting gets too intense.

Who is the most skeptical of the two?

They are equally skeptical, although Elenara confides in people more easily. She believes that mutual trust is what brings people together and helps them fight alongside each other. Her hope is for humans, elves, dwarves and qunari to discover all the things they have in common, instead of dwelling on everything that sets them apart. Solas respects this approach but has fundamental doubts that it can work. For him, too much damage has been done to place trust in any party.

Who would be most likely to suggest a night of dancing?

Solas enjoys it more than Elenara does but would never suggest a night of dancing on his own. He denies himself such simple joys and would feel like he is taking too much of her time. Luckily, she knows this and would arrange a night of dancing just to make him happy.

What would they do if the other was injured in battle?

Both know how important it is to remain level-headed in a battle but that doesn’t mean they don’t have to struggle with an emotional outburst when they see their significant other being injured. Elenara would have to fight her fear. Solas would feel a surge of rage and will bring down the attacker as soon as possible. It is only by sheer force of will that they concentrate on the fight before rushing to see if the other is alright.

How do their fighting styles complement each other?

Skilled as he might be, Solas is best suited for long-distance combat. His magic almost useless at point-blank, for it would hurt him as much as his opponent. As a rogue, Elenara‘s fighting style is much more versatile. On the battlefield, she usually fights in close proximity to Solas, sometimes back-to-back with him, fending off attackers with bow and arrow. If anyone gets through, she has an assortment of traps ready or uses one of the daggers she wears strapped to her thigh. Thus, she gives Solas the opportunity to cast his spells, causing even greater devastation amongst their enemies.

Do they want children? Does it frighten them? How many do they want?

Solas has never put much thought into having children. Before he met Elenara, he was comfortable with a life in solitude and enjoyed the time he had to explore and learn. His lifestyle wasn’t suitable for children anyway, despite the fact that he would need a partner to have said children with. He found comfort in helping others, giving as much as he possibly could. Even later, when he found himself in love with Elenara, he never allowed himself to stray from this path. He could certainly see himself having children with her, but he pushed the thought aside as soon as it came to mind.

Elenara spend much more time contemplating the matter. As a young adult, she felt a deep resentment for motherhood, despite loving the children of her best friend and former lover Erendir. Whenever she tried to imagine herself as a mother, a panic started to rise in her gut. She was afraid that she‘s not suited for motherhood or that something terrible might happen since her own mother died giving birth to her. Her feelings were a tangled mess of fear and sadness that she kept to close to her chest. She didn’t even dare to tell Solas about it. Instead, she buried herself in books, taking in as much knowledge as possible. Learning kept her busy and gave her a sense of purpose that transcended motherhood, or at least she hoped as much.

What happened when they took them home to their families? If their families aren’t in the picture anymore, how do they feel about it?

Though he never told her about it, Solas certainly dreamed about showing Elenara his old home. He imagined her gaping at the beaury of Arlathan, smiling to himself. He knew that Elvhenan would have had a lot to offer for an eager woman like her and he wished that he could show her the many wonders of his world. He was almost certain that Mythal, whose opinion mattered more  to him than anyone else’s, would approve of Elenara as one of the people. But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, it reminded him of the misery he had caused, and so he kept silent. Elenara couldn’t blame him. After Clan Lavellan was all but wiped out, she was so devastated that she practically avoided any mention of her clan. She felt miserable and ashamed, until a few survivors arrived in the Frostback mountains. Among them were Erendir and his wife Almaril.

Happy to have them back in her life, Elenara offered them a place at Skyhold, but they refused. Almaril hated Elenara for joining the Inquisition while the clan had needed her, although she knew her friend had good reasons to stay in Haven. The bigger problem was Erendir, however. Although he had ended the relationship with Elenara at his own volition and went on to have children with Almaril, he didn’t fail to notice the attachment his former lover felt for Solas. Erendir had loved Elenara deeply and still regretted ending things between them, because she refused to have children with him. Seeing her with Solas, who was a better match for her than Erendir had ever been, made it even worse.

One night, he confronted Solas to learn more about the apostate‘s feelings for Elenara, eventually bragging about his shared past with her. Despite being tempted to teach the other elf a lesson, Solas left Erendir where he stood, determined to never speak of the matter again. When Elenara got wind of this, she felt betrayed and asked Erendir and Almaril to leave Skyhold. She made sure, however, that the Inquisition provided for them and the other surviving clan members before they parted ways.

A/N: I wanted to write this as a fic for months now. At least, I got to summarize it somewhere. ���

How does each person show affection towards the other?

Aside from offering comfort and listening to Solas’s tales, Elenara enjoys physical contact. A gentle pad on the arm, a short brush of her fingers against his. Things like these. Solas‘s way of showing affection is much more subtle. He remembers any given detail in a conversation, surprising her with a clever reference later. It reminds her that he truly understands her– a gift she is always grateful for. Only when he feels comfortable (and certain not to attract unwanted attention from others), he will hold her hand or kiss her to show her his affection.

Who cries the most? Who is better at comforting?

Elenara wins both rounds. Due to her empathy, she feels strongly for others and is not afraid to let it show. In fact, her ability to comfort others makes Solas let down his guard. It is how she got to him. He knows that she can feel what he is feeling and experienced an incredible amount of relief because of that.

Who is the bigger flirt?

Once he warmed up to Elenara, Solas turned out to be quite the charmer. He is never shy to make a clever remark that catches her off-guard (and he likes it).

[mollyamory-again]

And then I wrote a really long reaction post for Endgame...

Here’s the short form:  <3 <3 <3... ??  @#(*$A)(@#*!?! <3.....<3 ....?<3? <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 !!!

The super long form is below the cut...

So, I went into this movie with a lot of feelings, and I came out with a lot of feelings, and it's taking me some time to process them.

The first, and maybe the most important thing I want to say, is that regardless of my personal fannish/emotional reaction to some of the events -- the film itself was an absolute triumph.  I mean - it was amazing.  There were a great many things to love - and that is a list that includes some things I hated.  Love/hated.  Both!  The fact that they could bring a series of films that spans over a decade together in a way that had people laughing and crying in the theatres, often both at the same time - it's just truly, truly awesome.  It says something that they were able to build these real and true characters who feel important enough that their fates can actually break our hearts.  

So I applaud that, and I hope the film industry takes a good long look at these films and learns from them.  Audiences are willing to wait for the pay-off, we're willing to tackle difficult things, we're willing to fall in love with what we see on the screen if the writers and producers and directors put the effort into allowing it.

That said...

I really liked this movie overall, but I went into it really wanting two specific things for myself, and I didn't get them.  In fact I kind of got the opposite of them, and a lot of my coming to terms with the movie has been coming to terms with just... not getting what I wanted.  And finding a way to be okay with that.  

I wanted Tony to live - and if you're back here behind my spoiler cut, you know I didn't get that one.  It was really hard to lose him.  He was my favorite character in this whole crazy cast. I loved that he could be so wrong sometimes, and with so much utter conviction.  I loved that he could be terrified out of his mind and then just do the terrifying things anyway, because somebody had to, and he could.  I loved how smart he was, and how vulnerable he was, and how he built walls of words to defend himself and define himself.  I loved how hard he loved the people that HE loved, and how much he was willing to do for them.  I loved how great he was with kids (and I love that he got one of his own!) and I love how that seemed at least in part because he never finished growing up himself.

So while I am wrecked that this is the end of Tony in this particular strand of the comics universe, I can't deny that it is 100% true to who he was. He was always going to be the guy who would do this, if it needed to be done.  And it did, so he did it, and it broke my heart - but in the end I have to be okay with it, because yeah.  That was Tony Stark, distilled down to his purest self.  I hated it, but I also loved it, and more importantly I think, I bought it.

I also really would have loved to have a kind of on-screen farewell to my pairing, and I didn't get that, either.  I'm a Science Boyfriends kinda gal, and there was almost zero interaction between Bruce and Tony - there was zero relevant interaction.  But it is what it is - this was never going to be everything to all people, and that's one of the relationships that didn't get priority.  I'm okay with that, too - mainly because its absence means they didn't do anything TERRIBLE to it, either!  When it comes to my pairings, I'd far rather TPTB leave them alone than do something I don't like.  That said - it would have been nice if they'd you know, exchanged a couple of lines?  And it would have been SUPER nice if Bruce had been around to react to Tony's death. Getting past it, getting past it.... ;)

My biggest fear going into this movie was that it would kill my fannishness about the Avengers.  I just recently rediscovered it, and I've been writing like a MAD thing.  I've stayed up too late writing, I've gotten up way to early to write... I've written through nights when I was supposed to be raiding with my online pals, or watching stuff with my housemates.  I've definitely done quite a lot of writing when I was supposed to be working! And it's been fun, and it's felt really good, and I just didn't want to lose it.  I missed fandom and other fans, and I missed caring so much about characters and pairings.  Having it all back again these past couple of months has been a blast -- so I went into Endgame a) pretty sure they were going to kill Tony and b) pretty sure that killing Tony would kill my fannish joy.

I am happy to report it did not.  I'm still in love, and I'm still writing like crazy.  I gave myself some pretty stern talking-tos in the lead-up to the movie, along the lines of "Are you really going to let a couple of rich white geekboys decide what happens to YOUR Tony Stark?" and in short form, "CANON IS NOT THE BOSS OF ME!"  I think it helped.  I'm still here, anyway!

There are a few other things I really didn't like.  One - the CGI for Bruce was a horror show for me.  It landed right in the Uncanny Valley, and I could barely stand to look at him on screen.  Every time he showed up, it was like a cartoon character appearing in my live action show.  I think that actually may have helped me with the Tony thing, though -- because it yanked me out of the movie when Bruce was onscreen, and that gave me the distance I needed to not become a puddle of shivering misery on the floor when Tony died saving the world.

Don't get me wrong - I really do like that he's able to integrate now.  I like that he has control.  Still, I'm not sure this is a road I ever really want to go down in my writing.  I like Hulk too much to want to see him essentially killed by Bruce (which is kind of how I'm reading this.)  I get that Hulk IS Bruce IS Hulk and if I were his therapist I'd be all over it.  But I'm not his therapist - I'm one of his slashfic writers.  And as such, I prefer him splintered and angsting over it.  :)

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about Natasha, and I'm not sure they're particularly coherent.  I think if Endgame had happened exactly the way it did, WITHOUT the disgusting Ultron lines about how she's a monster because she can't have kids, I'd be fine.  As it is, Ultron happened and then Natasha gave herself up for a guy with a family, and from a purely Doyle-ist perspective I find that sequence of events suspect, and deeply gross.  

On the other hand, from a purely Watsonian perspective, I fully agree with what  <a href="https://cesperanza.tumblr.com/post/184622436895/i-cant-believe-that-as-a-prominent-woman-in">cesperanza had to say about Nat</a>, so I'm just going to let that stand for me, too.

Probably the final thing I didn't like was fat!Thor.  I do get the arguments on the other side of this, that it's cool to show even a super hero can get depressed and live off cheez whiz and get fat and disaffected. But I also think that's not all there is to this; I think you don't make Chris Hemsworth run around in a fat suit without on some level doing it for the point-and-laugh. And I find that kind of "joke" toxic and disgusting.  I'm not going to go on and on about it here, but in short just - a world of no from me on that.  

So what's my score so far?  2 things I wanted but didn't get, 3 things I didn't like?  But on the bright side...it's now time to move along to the bright side! And the bright side is pretty damn bright.

I was incredibly happy that Tony and Steve were able to repair their relationship.  Civil War was such a tough movie to watch, and while there was at least a thread of hope for them at the end of it, this resolution was a long time coming.  They're so very different in their worldviews and methods, but so very alike in their absolute dedication to protecting people and doing the right thing - the friction has always made perfect sense, but getting to see them come to terms with each other ... that's something I have really wanted for a long time.  I was extremely sad watching Tony just chew into Steve at the beginning of Endgame, but not at all surprised - Tony was completely done in, physically, mentally and emotionally.  Just seeing Tony that physically wasted and weak was hard.  Steve's reactions to it were perfect, though, just perfect.  I don't think I could have asked for any more than I was given for the two of them.  

I loved Tony's relationship with his daughter - in fact, I love Tony's relationship with every character below the age of majority that he's ever been on screen with.  Tony may be my OTP (One True Parent) in fact - he's just so deeply interested in these kids (Harley, Peter, Morgan) as human beings.  And he treats them oddly as equals, while still somehow managing to parent well for each of them.  He's hilarious and snarky and caring and he connects.  I don't know, I just adore it.  We didn't get to spend a lot of time with Morgan, but it was obvious she adored Tony and was well on her way to growing up to be just like him, and I wholly approve.  

And before I leave the topic of kids - Tony mourning Peter broke my heart, and his love for Peter when he came back knitted it back together again (that hug omg, </3 -> <3) and then Peter's breakdown when Tony was dying, finally calling him "Tony" instead of Mr. Stark or sir...there it goes, heart broken again.  BROKEN.

I and the rest of the universe loved Steve wielding Mjolnir (and Thor KNEW it!). We all saw this coming from way back at the party in Ultron, and a part of what this series of movies has managed to do that I love is take moments like that, a billion movies ago at this point, and pay them off one by one.  Sure, it's fan service, but because they were patient, it feels earned.  I adore it.

I'm going to wrap this up for now because if I don't, it's never getting posted - I have a ton of thoughts and even MORE feelings about this movie, and I'll be posting more of them because how can I NOT.  But I do want to talk a little about one of the major things that literally filled me with joy: 

The return to Avengers 2012!!! <3 <3 <3

I just want to go back and live there - like, I want to build a tinyhouse with a telescope in the window and just stare at it all from the shadows forever.  I could literally sit for days upon days of "what happened in Avengers 2012 around what we saw on the screen in Avengers 2012" - that could be an entire TV series and I would tune in for every freaking episode.  It was SO. MUCH. FUN!  From "feel free to clean up..." to "take the stairs" and "SO MANY STAIRS" to Loki pretending to be Steve and Loki stealing the tesseract and poofing out to Thor saving Tony with his hammer and both of them so jazzed about it... OMG.  I just love it all, and I'm so happy they did it.  I loved everything around it - I loved Bruce trying half-heartedly to smash, I loved the Sorceress Supreme up on the rooftop fighting the Chitauri, I loved Bruce getting smacked out of Hulk and Hulk on a lounge chair with a sunhat over his face.  EVERYTHING.  I just.  <3

I went into Endgame expecting the worst for my favorite character, and I got the worst for him.  But the more I think about this movie, the more I find that it's a happy place for me. It gave me what I didn't want and it made me like it.  Like - a LOT.  I went into it expecting/fearing that it would kill my fannishness about Avengers, and it's done the exact opposite - it's brought me back into fandom, back into contact with fans, back into thinking all the thoughts and feeling all the feelings and wanting to share them with other people who are thinking and feeling about the same thing.  

I feel like this entire series of movies, this slate of characters, this universe they've built - it's a gigantic wonderful amazing heartbreaking heartmending accomplishment, and I'm just super glad it's all here, and that I got to experience it all.  

(And I can't wait to write a metric fuckton of stories that ignore it! Tony may be gone in this timeline, but he's never going to die in mine, damn it!)

[technicallycleverdetective]

Prompt for @izgu6ljena: Person A of your OTP getting married to someone who isn't Person B, and B running out during the middle of the service with tears streaming down their cheeks.

Fabrizio was not comfortable in suits. He owned only two and they emerged from the wardrobe rarely enough that only his close family knew. Well, his close family and one other person. That was the reason why he’d been forced to hire one, just to escape the affectionate teasing that would surely have come his way, assuming Ermal wasn’t too distracted to acknowledge Fabrizio’s presence at all.

 He pulled at the collar, forgetting that he’d already opened two buttons to help him breathe. They did nothing to ease the tightness in his chest.

 He took a deep breath and felt his ribs contract again, a sound in his throat that sounded dangerously like a sob, but no-one was close enough to hear it. He bit his lip. He could keep it together for an hour. This was an important day for Ermal and he’d invited Fabrizio as a friend, to share in the joy of the occasion, not to ruin it with his ridiculous fantasies.

 The situation had reversed so unexpectedly. Fabrizio didn’t know what had happened, but he knew that Ermal was happy. Of course he was. He’d told Fabrizio at the time that he was devastated, that he’d never wanted it to end, that he still wanted her back. They were writing their song, still in the first flush of tentative friendship with no idea of where it would all lead, but apparently Ermal’s thoughts remained unaltered. She’d changed her mind and then it was as if the whole year and a half had meant nothing.

 It wasn’t as if Ermal hadn’t made things clear from the beginning. She was the love of his life and Fabrizio was a bit of fun, light relief. She was the one he couldn’t live without. The woman who could effectively click her fingers and he would drop what he and Fabrizio had and…

 The church bells were pealing with a single, rhythmic tone. A couple of late guests he didn’t recognise were running up the steps, the woman clutching her hat. They smiled at him and he gave a self-conscious nod. It was time to go. He walked into the church and found himself in a hallway around a garden, Roman columns decorated with black and white mosaic, and a grey font just outside the door of the main church. The ceiling soared high above the old wooden pews and every window was made of stained glass, casting colours all around the space. It was an old, hallowed, austere hall.

 Ermal was already standing up there, in front of an ornate white marble altar with red carpet leading down the aisle, wandering a little aimlessly back and forth. He saw Fabrizio and grinned, waving like a child in a school Nativity. His suit was similar to Fabrizio’s, except he had a waistcoat and a neat shirt, and a necklace. He was glad to see the necklace. It was some small sign that it was still his Ermal. He hadn’t lost him completely. Except he wasn’t his Ermal anymore. He’d have to get used to thinking like that.

 He walked up the aisle and tried to ignore that little voice in his head screaming, ‘It should have been me, it should have been me.’

 “Bizio!”

 Ermal jumped down the last step to hug him and Fabrizio held him tightly, savouring the smell of his skin and the ticklish feeling of his hair against his face. This was ridiculous. Ermal wasn’t going to war. They would still be friends. He already knew, however, that this represented a break from which there was no coming back. Ermal would feel awkward about the past they’d shared, or else Fabrizio would be unable to move on, and one of them would walk away in the end. So while he still had this privilege, he would make the most of it.

 He pulled back and, without thinking, held Ermal’s face between his hands. He did it all the time, but not now, it wasn’t appropriate anymore. Ermal was still smiling like he didn’t see anything wrong and perhaps he didn’t. Fabrizio had always been tactile even before they got together. Was this just a friendly gesture in his mind?

 “Nervous?” Fabrizio asked.

 Ermal smiled wider and shook his head, and Fabrizio let go and stepped back. He needed to go to his seat. If he stayed here, he’d just keep touching Ermal and it wasn’t right in front of all these people. He found his way to a pew and sat down. He didn’t know the people beside him, although he recognised Ermal’s family ahead of him. His mother, sister and niece were in the front row. His brother was up at the altar now. Fabrizio hadn’t noticed him before. He looked around the crowd. The only faces he knew were Marco and Andrea, side by side at the church door, watching the road.

 Before Fabrizio was quite ready, the organ began to play. Everyone turned to face the door, except Fabrizio. He kept watching Ermal. He saw that bright smile which was so familiar, and until recently had been so often directed towards him. Even now, Ermal was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen and Fabrizio had an awful feeling that he always would be, no matter what.

 The voice screamed louder, ‘It should have been me.’

 He’d always known this about Ermal. His ‘single man’ veneer was razor thin. Not so far below the surface, he’d always wanted to just fall in love and settle down with someone. And Fabrizio had thoroughly persuaded him that he wasn’t the man to provide that, with his vehement anti-marriage sentiments. It was true that he didn’t like marriage. He didn’t like the ceremony, he feared being trapped in an unhappy relationship held together by legal handcuffs, but right now the idea of making a lifelong commitment to Ermal seemed very attractive.

 The music had stopped and the minister was addressing the congregation with a cheerful smile. He looked as if he loved taking weddings. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

 ‘Too late,’ the voice taunted. ‘You lost your chance.’

 Perhaps that was why Ermal had kept his heart safe from him and never let things get too serious between them. If Fabrizio had been more open with his feelings, or kept his mouth shut more, could he be the one standing up there now? The thoughts of what could have been were torturous.

 “Ermal, will you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife, in sickness and health, for richer for poorer, till death do you part?”

 There was a slight pause, enough for a rustle of anticipation in the audience, enough for Fabrizio to fervently pray to hear a “No.” “I do.”

 He felt like he’d been stabbed. The pain was so real that he glanced down to look for an injury, but his body was intact.

 “Will you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband…”

 He had heard enough. Accepting this invitation had been such a terrible mistake. What had he thought would happen? Did he believe his mere presence would be enough to change Ermal’s mind back, when it hadn’t stopped him from doing this in the first place? Did he hope to stand up and stop the wedding like he was in a terrible drama?

 ‘Foolish arrogant idiot,’ the voice snapped. ‘You deserve to be alone.’

 He stood and rushed into the aisle, running blind as his hands covered his face to catch the tide of tears. It didn’t matter in that moment that he was ruining everything, that everyone was staring at him, that he had given away the extent of his feelings at the worst possible time and lost whatever scraps of Ermal’s friendship could have been salvaged. He just needed to get out of there or he was going to scream.

 “Bizio!”

 Part of him wanted Ermal to let him go, another part wanted him to follow, and the two warred viciously. In the meantime Fabrizio was outside the church, running for the great stone gates that would take him to the streets and an escape, but he didn’t get that far. He fell to his knees in the car park and started to cry uncontrollably, huge gulping sobs that left him barely able to breathe. This was the worst heartbreak he’d ever felt. It was like being ripped to shreds from the inside.

 “Bizio!”

 Ermal’s voice was much closer now, right behind him, and then he was shaking him. Fabrizio jolted forward and gasped, the car park changing in an instant to a dark room. He scrambled around, feeling bedclothes, seeing curtains, a bedside cabinet, a silhouette with distinctive bushy hair. His sight was blurry and when he blinked, he felt that his eyes were wet.

 “Ermal?” He gripped the first piece of skin he could find and he was real, he was warm, he was here. “Did that happen?”

“Did what happen?”

 “Are you married?” Fabrizio asked urgently.

 Ermal frowned, but Fabrizio must have looked truly panicked because he answered quickly. “No, of course not. Did you have a dream that I was married?”

“I…”

 Slowly, but surely, the lines between reality and fantasy were beginning to be redrawn and Fabrizio had never been so glad to discover that he’d been dreaming.

“It must have been that show putting ideas in your head” Ermal remarked, resting his head on Fabrizio’s chest. Show? What show? Oh yes, the reality show about those couples getting married on the same day as their first meeting. That had only been on as background noise for cuddling. Fabrizio hadn’t realised that it had filtered into his brain. He ran a hand through the soft curls and realised that he could do that for as long as he wanted, whenever he pleased. The thought made him want to laugh.

 “Who was I marrying?” Ermal asked, a mischievous note in his voice, drawing circles on Fabrizio’s skin as he spoke.

 In his addled state, he nearly answered without thinking, but reality fully reasserted itself just in time and he pulled up short. “No-one. I…I didn’t focus much on them. I only saw you.”

“Aw!” Ermal lifted his head and kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry, I haven’t married anyone behind your back.”

 “Thank you.”

 He received a light kiss on the lips and then Ermal lay back down, cuddling him close. He was asleep within minutes. Fabrizio did not return to sleep. He was half-afraid of waking up in a different world again, one where Ermal was not by his side, even though he knew that was ridiculous.

 ‘Do you want to marry me?’ the voice whispered tentatively.

 His sudden wish to stand at an altar had been the result of panic, not a reasoned thought process. He didn’t want to get married. He never had. But Ermal did, or would. Maybe his subconscious was trying to give him a warning that the current arrangement couldn’t last forever. Ermal deserved a full-time partner and if Fabrizio couldn’t do that for him, he’d find someone else who would.

  Maybe one day, when they were in a more romantic setting and had more time than the four hours allocated before Ermal’s flight back to Milan, the right moment would present itself. For now, he put a kiss in his boyfriend’s hair and held him close, finally allowing himself to drift back to a peaceful slumber.

[koushirouizumi]

{D.N. A n g e l} ~ Stage 4 Vol. 45 {E N D}

[bytheanchorarchived]

Hey, guys, B here. 2018 has been a pretty bumpy year for a lot of us, including me. It was an year of many battles, and some disappointments, and yet full of trying and hope. It has also been the year when I met, or got closer to a lot of people who’ve made me so happy, and helped me through the way, in real life, and also just inspiring me on this blog, and making me feel appreciated and talented. I know a lot of people make this distinction between internet, and real life friends, but I wanted all of you to know I never have, and I never will. Friends are friends, it doesn’t matter to me how we met, or how we communicate. It was thanks to them that I’m still here and that I grew to feel confident enough on my portrayals to love them, and a bit more of myself too. And that means everything. From those, some, are not around anymore, or might not be for a while, but I still wish them to know one day what they’ve meant to me, and take that feeling with them as they move forward. That’s all I can wish for all of you, that I can be a part of any happy memory you have in the future.

I also hope 2019 can be a happier year for all of us, and that at least we all get closer to our dreams, one step at a time. And as a last note, I hope you can forgive me any screw ups I might have made, or just still remember the good things too, and hope to be better myself on the coming year. 

Happy New Year!

there's glitter on the floor after the party .

✲ @angelavenged ✲

dani, thank you so much for coming into my life, and helping to light up the end of this year. thank you for reminding me why i love isabelle so fiercely, and for speaking out about her when this fandom needs it so much. thank you for listening to my ramblings about the lightwood siblings, and for boarding the crazy ships with me, that i’ve always secretly loved in my heart. thank you for sharing headcanons with me, and discussing minute details of the book that mean the whole world to us, and making me feel like there was someone there with me to treasure every bit of it. thank you for being a light as bright and bold as isabelle, and i can only say i hope you will keep on writing her, and lighting up our dashes with her on the next year and for a long while yet.

✲ @cateyeswarlock​​ / @headarcher​ ✲

i’ve said this a few days ago, and the more time i get to spend with you, the more true this becomes, but you are one of the gentlest persons i’ve met. we haven’t talked for long, but you are a bright, enthusiastic presence on my dash, that always makes me smile. thank you for listening, for being kind, for being so engaging and easy to plot with, and just try new things with. thank you for sparkling like magnus on our dashes, and being as comforting as alec to have around. 

✲ @dnteverdoubtme​ ✲

andy, meu amor. i’ll always be thankful to min for introducing us. you waltzed into my life, when i most needed to feel wanted, and it was exactly what you did. at first i was afraid to mess it all up, but the more we talked, and the more we interacted, the more at home i felt. you filled my days, and long waking nights with magic, never turning any idea away, building new worlds with me, new characters, making me feel excited, and happy to be here. you gave me purpose, and kindness, and made me feel alive in days when i just really didn’t. you made me love creating aus again, and brought back the joy of rping for rp’s sake, and just having the pure joy of knowing your portrayal was loved, and that there was someone always willing to explore it with you. you made me smile when i was heartbroken, listened to me without judgement, and gave me endless stories to read that we created together, whenever you weren’t around. you encouraged me to dream, and plan, and try new things, and even if some of them didn’t work out, you made me feel strong enough, and like i had someone to lean on, so that i could be brave to want them in the first place. you truly made me feel like my jace has a home, and like maybe i did too. i love you beyond words, and hope you can know that, and know that you and your alec hold a precious spot in my heart, and i’ll always carry you with me.

i'll be cleaning up bottles with you on new year's day .

✲ @edomsmagnificent​ ✲ 

we’ve only just started, but what’s more wonderful than talking with someone for the first time and feeling as though you’re just meeting an old friend? since we started really talking, and interacting, this end of the year, you’ve immediately made me feel comfortable, excited to write, heard, and supported. thank you for being so open and easy to talk to, plot with, thank you for being just as excited as i am about ships, and being so willing to share your talents with me. i hope we go on to write a lot more together on the year to come.

✲ @erosbuilt​ ✲ 

cy, i don’t know if i was ever able to give you back even half of the excitement, care, joy, and encouragement you’ve given me, but i hope i was at least able to make you feel a bit as loved. when you met me, i was going through one of the hardest moments of my life yet, and for the first time in a long time you gave me back the spark to write. you made me feel praised, cherished, and like my portrayal was somehow unique and special, and that so was i. we spent so many nights up together, just writing, and talking, and sharing, and developing new worlds at light speed, and i rediscovered what it felt like to truly love a fandom based otp so much it hurt. i found that passion again with you, and it was truly when jalec latched onto my heart, for good, and for months i could not think of them without thinking you and i. you made me excited to lose sleep writing. you made me proud of every little line i was creating, and as though what i was doing was important, and it mattered. you shared your life with me, and made me feel as if i knew you better than anyone. you made a terrible patch a lot easier, and i know it wasn’t always easy for you either, but i truly hope somehow i might have eased some of it too. you listened to me, even when it was hard for you, and you made me feel special, and actually worthy of some kind of admiration, like i hadn’t believed in for a long time. i will always be grateful for meeting you, and for everything you’ve given me, even in a short time. i know i wouldn’t have come to feel competent, or even mildly like i know what i’m doing in writing in this crazy language, if it weren’t for your encouragement, and i hope you know that, even if i can’t always be as equally deserving in everything. you’re someone whose strength i admire, and you’ve come so far on your own hard work, and i know you’ll keep doing so on the time to come. i hope you always remember those first couple of months when we lived and breathed a ship and bonded fast over screaming headcanons at each other, and mutual cherishing. i know i always will. 

✲ @erchommai​ ✲

so, though i’ve seen you around for forever, we haven’t really interacted until lately (apart from the middle of the year when you first reached out to me, just to be nice, and comfort me, and if that doesn’t say everything idk what does), and all i can say is, what a waste of time that was. i was so intimidated, but from the first time we started talking, all i felt was welcomed, and that somehow you were as excited as i was about writing together, or just talking the books and headcanons and theories with each other. there’s no better feeling to get us bubbly and happy, imo, than finding someone that allows us to express ourselves and responds with the same openness and enthusiasm. it makes us feel less alone, and like we’re anything but dumb for liking what we like, and treasuring what makes us feel good. so thank you for being already such a great rp partner, and for being just such a sweet person to talk to. you definitely made a hard end of the year better for me, and that is everything. i wish for a new year of hopefully more writing for us, and for getting to know you better, and for you a year of happiness. 

hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you .

✲ @fairisfair​​ ✲ 

d sweet. i know we haven’t written in a long time, but how is it that it’s so easy still to just get back into the universe we created together and start typing? you’ve made me so happy for such a long time, and even now just seeing you on my dash feels like being home with an old friend. you treasured my characters in a time when i wasn’t sure they were all that treasure worthy. you welcomed all of my headcanons, and character build, and gave me yours, and somehow made it all even better than when i’d started. you helped me consolidate so much of my portrayal of seb and sidney and made me feel like they were truly loved, and for that alone i will always love you. i wanted to say thank you for coming all this way with me. thank you for never forgetting me even when rp drifted us apart, thank you for still after all this time making me feel treasured and loved and wanted around. you helped me improve my writing like no other with endless complexes threads, and your replies always gave me a reason to smile. it’s like from day one we were dancing a dance we both had already rehearsed and when we write together it’s magic. that is so special, and so rare to find, and i hope no matter what we can stay connected in the times to come. i love you, always, and wish you to feel just as treasured as you go on, as you’ve made me feel. thank you for all of it. 

✲ @fierccisms​ ✲ 

you were one of the first people to listen to me babble on about my childhood lightwood headcanons. you talked to me about their inner relationships, and you let me strengthen floating ideas into actual portrayals. you talked to me about izzy, and helped me build mine up, and make her strong. you were so kind and such a good presence on my dash, and so easy to talk to. i know we haven’t talked in a while, and sometimes things get hard for both of us, but i just wanted  you to know that you are such a wonderful person, full of enthusiasm and generosity. and i truly hope you go on finding more people that will treasure that and make you feel as welcomed and happy, in life, as you’ve made me, in a strange fandom. thank you for everything.

✲ @heartguided​ ✲

clary, sweetheart. i adore you so much. i know it’s been a while, but i hope you don’t forget it. you were the first person to make me feel like my jace portrayal was any kind of special, or different. you were the one who opened the doors of the fandom for me, when i was still tiptoeing my way in, and trying to figure it all out. you made me feel valued, and gave me strength to be bolder and reach out to people i was too scared to reach out to, before. you made me feel like i was a part of it, and i’m certain i would had never made quite a few of the friends i did if it hadn’t been for you giving me a chance. you are such a talent, and such a wonderful person, and were always only kind, and loving to me, and i will always carry that with me. thank you for sharing your alec with me, and i can’t tell you how happy i am that you’ve found your own happiness this year. you deserve all of the love and joy in this world, and i truly hope the years to come only bring you closer and closer to that happy ending. i love you.

please, don't ever become a stranger .

✲ @heosphors​ ✲ 

bekah, fierce warrior princess. you were such a beacon of light, and an inspiration to me in this fandom, but also in life. you are so young, and have so much more grit and maturity than so many people i know. you made me want to strive to better myself as a writer, as an rp partner, and as a person. you made me want to be brave, and rise up, and protect the things i loved, and share my voice, without being scared of what someone that didn’t like it might do. you made me feel courageous for the smallest little steps i took in real life, towards a life you were already building for yourself, even being so much younger than me. i have no doubts you’ll go far in life. and if you see this, i hope you know you are a wonderful, incredible, survivor, who deserves nothing if not the best in this world. thank you for sharing with me your light, your thoughts, your headcanons, your writing, your support, your example, and just the privilege of seeing your passion for the things you love. 

✲ @heronsofprey​ ✲ 

javi. i know it’s been a while, but i also know you check on this blog every now and then, and i wanted to tell you how loving and incredible you are. it’s not always easy for me to be as supportive as i wished i could be, but i hope my shortcomings don’t keep you from always knowing what amazing times you’ve given me. you’ve shared so much love in writing with me, and so many times you’ve made me feel like a rockstar. you listened to me several times when i needed someone, and you made me feel like someone understood, even though you, yourself, always had so much more in your plate than i ever did, you never made me feel like an imposition for it. you are such a brilliant soul, and i wish with all my heart that you find only happiness, and love going forward. i know your creativity, talent, and generosity, alone will get you there. 

✲ @idumean​ / @parabates​  ✲

monroe ♥. raziel’s beard what a waste it was to spend so much time intimidated as i did, and too shy to reach out, or even follow you, afraid of ghosts in my head that never came true. you are a joy to have in my life, and i want you to always know that. you are one of the best writers i’ve ever met, in any fandom, and i could only wish i had realized sooner that you are also one of the best people i’d ever have the pleasure to meet. so much undeserved crap was thrown your way this year, and yet, you continue to be such a source of light, understanding, caring, gentleness, that i can only be in awe of you. already you’ve listened to me in moments i thought no one else would, and you helped me through a couple of the worst nights i’ve had this year, and i can only hope i’ve managed to help you too. you’ve given me this welcoming feeling and made me excited about this blog again. you made me want to write when i thought i had lost my muse, and made me feel special when i wanted to quit. i still don’t understand how someone as great as you can be this humble, but i can only hope you never let it overpower you knowing how amazing you are. how deserving you are of all good things in life. you are so quietly strong, so beautifully resilient in the face of so much, and often i just sit here and wish there were better ways for me to express how much i love and cherish you. i look up to you, as a writer, and as a friend, and if nothing else sticks, i hope this does. i love you. i wish for a new year of writing together, and getting to know each other even more, and you always know that when you’re with me, you’re with someone who thinks only the best of you.

i’ll stay when it's hard or it's wrong or we're making mistakes .

✲ @inkfated​​  ✲ 

moony, love. i don’t think i ever told you just how much i cherish you as a writing partner. i can’t begin to tell you how many times i thought of just giving it up, and you would come around with wonderful replies that made my heart full again, and made me excited to write again. you are so freaking delightful to write with, not only because of how amazingly talented you are at every single one of your portrayals, but also because you don’t just ditch things halfway through, or easily gives up on plot whenever there’s a bump on the road. instead, you take those and make the plot even greater. you listen to my simplest ideas and give them so much richness, complexity, and layers, in your writing, that i am always, always excited to write with you. you put so much detail and thought, into every single thing you do, and damn this fandom is just so lucky to have you?? i know we don’t always chat ooc that much, but i also wanted you to know that i often just stare at your posts on my dash, and smile, and it makes my heart warm, and i hope you know i think of you as an old friend. i hope you never stop writing your portrayals because they really are so special, and i specially hope we can keep writing together for a long time and you have as much fun with it as i do. i am thankful for every single plot we’ve ever had, and no matter how many times you hop blogs i will always follow you, because you make my rp life so much better every single day. thank you for keeping our verses, our threads, for always being up for new things, for bringing up your own new amazing ideas, and never making me feel like you’ve grown tired of our pairings, or that i’m the only one excited to write them. it means everything to me. thank you, and i hope you feel as cherished as you are in the year to come!

✲ @magnusbanedfromperu​ / @aestheticdriven​   ✲ 

nanda bee. i’ve said it a thousand times that i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, but how literal that has become through the last three years. i know we’ve had our ups and downs throughout it, but i honestly believe (and like to) that it’s only made us stronger, and you, of all people, know how much that means to me. so many of my relationships crumbled under the smallest obstacle, but somehow we manage to stay together and stay strong, no matter what. even when i want to give up on everything, you never give up on me, and i don’t know what i would have done the last years if it weren’t for you. you are someone whom i genuinely find myself trusting will be around, and likes being around me, and enjoys more than writing with me, and that alone is so much more than i’ve often had through the years. you are wiling to listen to me, even when it’s hard to, and you want to hold on to me as much as i want to hold on to you, and that makes everything easier. i don’t think i’ve ever had someone want to be my friend as badly as i want to be theirs, before you, and for that feeling to last for as long as it had, i hope you know how much i hold it dear. you’ve brought me so much happiness since we met, and made me feel strong, and heard even when i was hurt, or didn’t think that i could be. we’re so different in so many regards, but it just seems to make things better, and more often than not matter at all, when at the end of the day, we just want to be friends, and nurture what we have, above everything else. i am so grateful to you, repeatedly, and you gave me the strength and understanding i needed to even start to progress any, for the first time in my life. and, of course, you are one of the best writing partners i’ve ever had. with you, it doesn’t matter how long it takes, because things never go stale, never lose the excitement of writing, and it doesn’t matter how many new shining things we create, we never stop treasuring the first plots and verses that brought us here. you not only helped me feel like i even could write the characters i do today, and strengthen them, but you actually managed to make me feel as though our crackship is the most special one in the world, much more than even our canon otps, and how many times can you find that? that alone would have earned you a spot in my heart forever, even if it weren’t for how lovely you are, and always try to be, to me, no matter what. i love you. happy new year, and plenty times of accomplishments and happiness for you. 

✲ @ofdemonicmagic​  ✲

richard, richie, our magnus incarnate. you know, i’ve said this before to a lot of people, but i’m not sure i ever said it to you. there are very few characters i love as i love magnus bane, and you, darling, are the most magnus bane person i’ve ever met, and as a result, i love you just as immensely as i would if he were real. you are bright, happy, talented as hell, loving, generous, always willing to help, extravagant, wonderfully excessive, amazingly bold, and beautifully full of life, and does that remind you of someone? i could not be luckier than to get to write with you, and, honestly, if it hadn’t been for you, i don’t know where my alec would be today. you helped me strengthen him, and make him into something solid. you made me feel like i had something special with him, and you gave me your jaw dropping portrayal in return, as though it was entirely natural that i could keep up. you’ve made me smile every single time we talked, ever since i met you. and though we’re not always as close as i’d wish us to be, i’m never sad about it, because every time you are around, you make it feel like we never stopped talking. more than verses, you helped give my alec a voice, no matter how extravagant our threads got, and that has brought me more joy than i can ever say. so thank you. thank you for listening to me when i needed. thank you for sharing your life with me, and being such a pleasure to have as a friend. thank you for making me feel like i had a real magnus bane in my life, and just thank you for existing in this world. you’re one of the greatest people i’ve ever met, and just the happiness of having you be yourself around my dash, would already be worth everything. i wish you a coming year with more love than ever, and that your life keeps blossoming with all the colors and happiness you deserve.

and I will hold on to you .

✲ @ofgoldenblood​ / @lilithblooded​ / @runedarcher​ ✲ 

min, sweet min, protective, incredible, stupidly talented min. i have never told you this, but you are the person that has made me feel safest, in a very, very, long time. it’s no wonder you play our shadowhunters so wonderfully, because you are just as fierce, strong, and protective as they are (except jon when he sucks). you’re the kind of friend i wish i’d had from earlier in my life, when i so needed to feel like there was someone who would defend me, and be there for me, no matter what. you are the kind of friend i will always wish to be closer to, and will always long to give back to all the support, care, encouragement, and loving you’ve given me. even when i didn’t know how to handle being cheered on, you were there. when i slipped on not knowing what i deserved, you were there. and when i thought of someone i adored with all my heart, you were there. you introduced me to amazing people who have made me so happy, and you shared them with me, without ever requiring anything in return. and most of all, you gave me yourself, your friendship, your loyalty, your compassion, your strength, and lord some of the best writing i’ve ever had the joy of reading. every portrayal you have, is at the top of my list, and for that alone i am so grateful. thank you for welcoming me into a side of the fandom i don’t know that i’d ever have reached if it weren’t for you. thank you for always being sweet to me, every time. and thank you for being one of the strongest, bravest, people i ever had to look up to. i wish you a happy new year, and for the days that come to only bring back all the rewards you deserve, for every bit of hard work you put in your life, and for everything you do for everyone you love.

✲ @pianokeysandbowties​ ✲ 

j, my angel. it’s funny how lucky i’ve been that so many people i’ve met are so much like the characters they cherish, and that i love. i have seldom in life met someone more suited to bubbly, loyal, happy, kind, talented, go-getter, strong, blaine anderson than you. you spoke to all my seb sides from day one, and never there’s been a day when you’ve showed me anything to doubt it since. you’ve been a happy presence in my life for i’m pretty sure over 4 years now, and you can’t go through that much time writing together, and talking to each other, without ending up treasuring that person in your heart. i know things get hard sometimes, and we both get  a lot on our plates, but whenever we stop to talk to each other, it always feels like stopping to breathe. you make me feel like the most incredible seb that ever existed, and i hope you know i hold you just as high as my forever only blaine. you are one of the sweetest persons around, and i truly wish you to have a next year filled with light, and happiness, and care, and friendship, and the good things you deserve. i love you, j, happy new year.

✲ @seesbright​ ✲

dezz. lord almighty i think i need one of jace’s speeches to even try to start telling you how much i adore and love you. since i started on this website jace and i searched for our clary, both in writing, and in person, and though we found amazing people who were good fits, none of them were as instant, and perfect, as you. you truly are the bright, creative, loving, warrior of our hearts. just as jace can’t believe he has such a infinite good in his life as clary, i also still often wonder what i’ve done to deserve feeling as cherished and admiration worthy as i do when you’re around. you are so soft and loving, whenever we talk, and whenever you talk about your life, and the things and people you are about, and yet you can be one of the fiercest people i’ve met when any of those things or people are threatened. you carry all of clary’s best features, and the best one of all, is, no matter what life throws at you, it only makes you stronger and brighter. and how i admire you for it. you never give up, even if at times you might want to, and that goes to yourself, and also to the people you love. whenever we talk, i feel like you’ll never give up on me, and from someone who’s seen so many people walk out, it’s the best feeling in the world. you always make me feel good, and wanted, and cherished, and i truly hope i can make you feel the same. it’s a privilege writing with you, and with your perfect clary portrayal. it’s a privilege talking to you, plotting with you, building headcanons together, and being able to call you my friend. i hope and know the new year will bring you everything you deserve, and you will find yourself being the happiest yet. i love you.

you and me forevermore .

✲ @seraphinam​ ✲ 

em, i know we haven’t talked for a while, but i wished you to know you are one of the kindest people i’ve met in my life. i am so proud of how far you’ve come in your own real life, how hard you work, and how many downs you’ve made into ups by sheer strength of character, and bravery. you are an incredible writer, and even more incredible person, and i know no matter what, you’ll do well in life. you treasure the important things, the things that make you happy, you look on the positive side of things so gracefully like i never could, and you enjoy each victory and achievement in the way we all should do. thank you for letting me know you, and letting me write with you, letting me rant with you, and being this bright star to everyone around you. happy new year, friend. 

✲ @silvcrtm​ / @berkilausihir​ ✲ 

faith, i know you’ve said your goodbyes, and i don’t know if you’ll see this, but i wanted to say mine as well. i wanted to tell you, for all the time i’ve known you, you have never, ever, been anything but sweet and kind to me. you listened to so much of my character rambles, you talked them out with me, you answered my questions, you made me feel important and special, and you encouraged me when i most needed it. and i am genuinely so happy for where you are now, and the love you’ve found, and the future you and taylor have ahead of you. you both were so protective and kind and warm to me, every time we chanced to talk, and you’ve given me plenty of happy memories to appreciate in my heart. i wish only the very best to the both of you, in all the new years to come. happy new one, for now, and all the love!

✲ @vcrlac-archived​​  ✲

talia, sweet friend, can you believe i was ever afraid to talk to you? there was once a time when i wouldn’t have thought you’d give me the time of day, and how wrong i was, and how glad i was to be wrong. i think there are very few people as genuinely kind as you are in this world, and there is nothing i wish for more than that you never lose it, and that you have every bit of it rewarded in your life. never once, ever, since we met, have you made me feel judged, or lesser, or like i was annoying you. on the contrary, you have made me feel the most welcome, comforted, and so damn understood, when i was most hurt and in need of a friend. whenever i look back on our talks, be it about meta, books, life, or trials and tribulations, all i feel is warmth, and i will always cherish you for that. there are so few people in this world that have never made me feel scared, or afraid, and you are most definitely on the top of that list. even when you couldn’t understand what i was going on about, even when you disagreed, you never did so in harsh way, you never made me feel like that meant i wasn’t doing good enough. you always, always, had a sweet word for me, and you made me want to be a better, gentler, friend, every time we talked. on top of that, you have more talent in you than you could ever know, and for all of it i can only be grateful for having met you. thank you for being my friend, and teaching me about patience, tolerance, kindness, and gentleness. thank you for being one of the loveliest people i’ve ever met. happy new year, and that your years to come become busier and busier with the success you deserve.

don't read the last page .

people i’ve yet to really meet, or hope to get closer to in the coming year, people i admire, fangirl over, and hope to come to be good writing partners with one day. happy new year to all of you!!

✲ @argentelectrum​​ ✲ @deservesthis​​ ✲ @enoughrunning​​ ✲ @inkedsnack​​ ✲ @hellraiised​​ ✲ @mossofash​​ ✲ @snakedhand​​ ✲ @stephenxherondale​​ ✲

[dontshootmespence]

Broken Homes Fix Broken Hearts

A/N: Let @veroinnumera and I in on your thoughts for our OTP! Fuel us!

Chapter 33

It was far too early in the morning, but Derek was already on edge. Tonight...he was doing this. He was going to ask the woman he loved to marry him. It was actually pretty nauseating. Pulling everyone else out of their morning fogs, Garcia walked into the room clapping excitedly. “Tonight’s the night!” She sing-songed. “Chocolate Thunder, do you have everything ready?”

“Yup. All good to go.”

Hotch’s rare smile emerged as she looked up. “How are you feeling?”

“I definitely want to hurl. I’m pretty positive she’s going to say yes though, so I don’t know why I’m freaking out.”

“Because you’re opening yourself up to rejection. That feeling of vulnerability really sucks,” Spencer said matter-of-factly, barely looking up from his still-steaming cup of coffee. Silence fell around him to the point where he looked up. “What? You weren’t looking for an answer, were you?”

“No, kid.”

Emily moved her hand back, tapping him on the shoulder. “You two are so disgustingly in love. The proposal you have planned is the most adorable thing you’ve ever done in your life. You’re going to be fine.”

                                                            -----

About halfway through the day, Derek gave up on even trying to pretend he was doing paperwork. His head was spinning and he needed to get it on straight before tonight. No way was he letting this be anything less than perfect. She deserved perfect.

There were only two people in the world he knew could help him. One was the woman he planned on proposing to that night, so he couldn’t call her. Instead he picked up the phone and dialed the other: his mama.

The phone rang a few times before her voice came through on the other end. “Hello?”

“Hey Mama, it’s Derek. I just...I needed you.” He smiled.

“Is everything alright? Are you hurt? Is Juliet hurt? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, I promise. Well, there might be later if she doesn’t say yes. But that’s why I’m calling actually. I-uh-I’m going to propose tonight.”

A joyful peel of laughter cut off any further explanation. He could hear the tears in her voice. “Oh baby I’m so happy for you. She will. I know she will. She’s meant to be family and meant to be your wife.”

Wife. He liked that word. But he had to get to fiancee first. “I’m actually nervous, Mama. Why am I nervous?”

“Because you love her. It’s not so much believing that she’ll say no as putting pressure on yourself to make it the most amazing night of her life thus far,” Fran replied. “How are you doing it?”

For the next few minutes, he regaled her with the details of the proposal, confiding in her that while the basic idea had been his, it wouldn’t have happened without the help of Reid and Garcia. “Those are good ones, that team of yours.”

“Yea, they are,” he said, breathing deeply as he looked at his watch. He needed to get back to work. “I’m feeling better, Mama. Thank you.”

“Any time, my baby boy. As soon as she says yes, I need a phone call, okay?”

“Of course, wish me luck.”

“You won’t need it.”

                                                           -----

Her father’s ring was beginning to burn a hole in Juliet’s pocket. Not literally, that would be a fire hazard, especially in a library. But figuratively it was starting to make her anxious. What was the plan? Was there even a plan? Should there be a plan? Her brain was burning through thoughts left and right. She had no idea what she was doing or how any of this was supposed to work.

All those great romances in cinema always showed the proposals, but not how the fuck anyone ever figured out how to propose. Not helpful. She knew how that part worked, all loving words and happy crying. At least, that was if he said yes. He would say yes. Right?

Of course he would. Anxiety was not going to ruin this for her. She was in love and going to spend the rest of her life with the person that made her feel happier than Juliet had ever thought possible. Derek Morgan would say yes, because he loved her the same way she loved him: with everything they had.

Approaching the door to the home they shared, Juliet noticed something that wasn’t there before. It looked like...paper? She strode up and took it off the door, unfolding it and smiling to herself.

This box is mostly filled with things

That never bring you glee.

Like bills, and junk and other things,

You’d rather never see.

A scavenger hunt.

Today was their one-year anniversary and he’d planned a scavenger hunt. He was truly the most amazing man ever. “Okay, so this obviously means the mailbox,” she muttered to herself. An enormous smile spread across her face as she ran like a kid to a tree on Christmas morning toward the mailbox, opening it to see her favorite lavender candles inside - along with another piece of paper. She read the next clue out loud.

Romance, mystery, fantasy Dive deep inside to look Find the place where you and I lose all our time Getting lost inside our books

Juliet frowned to herself, rereading the paper a few times. There were bookshelves in the living room but they didn’t read there usually. Most of the time they read upstairs, in the bedroom. The bedroom? It was worth a shot.

She headed back to the front door and inside, going up the stairs rather than look around for Derek. He might not even be home yet, he hadn’t texted. Hopefully she wasn’t ruining a surprise. Oops?

Juliet pushed the bedroom door open, ready to start tearing the room apart, only to find a bouquet of gorgeous yellow tulips. She paused for a moment, smiling. If Derek was there she would’ve been hugging him so tight. They were her favorites, and he hadn’t even had to ask to check.

Picking them up, she noticed another little paper taped to the bouquet. She could do this all day. The smile on her face felt like it was plastered there.

Up and down, and up and down you climb these everyday. You've likely seen the clue on these, but passed it anyway.

“What?”

Turning around, she stared out of the room and down the hallway. “I climb the stairs. But I passed the stairs. There wasn’t anything-”

She stopped herself mid-sentence when she a box on the floor with a paper attached. Before she read the next clue, she glanced into the box, assuming she’d find a pair of heels, but of course, Derek knew her too well. High heels weren’t her thing - with a few minor exceptions. Instead, she found a pair of white strappy gladiator sandals. They didn’t go too high on the leg either which was something that always bugged her. Only Amazonian tall women could pull off big-ass gladiator shoes. And women with insanely long legs. She almost forgot about the paper until it crinkled in her hand. “What’s next?” She asked softly.

It seems our clothes just keep returning

to this same machine.

At least they're better than the things

the ancients used to clean.

Laundry room. Juliet grinned, it had to be. After strapping on the shoes, she went the rest of the way down the stairs and headed for the laundry room. She blushed looking over the machines and recalling a few adventures. Later. There would be time for fun later, right now she needed to find the next clue.

After rifling through the shelves, Juliet finally opened the dryer to find another box, larger this time. She peeled back white tissue paper to reveal a simple robin egg blue dress, pulling it out she found an intricately detailed open back. Subtle, but beautiful. She’d always called her style casual and comfy, which it was at times, but Derek knew better than that, which was becoming clear right this very moment.

Luckily, the dress wasn’t too fussy so she was able to get it on without help, though she had grown quite fond of Derek lending a hand and zipping her up. Sometimes though that meant they didn’t get out of the house on time because he’d decide it looked much better off than on.

A bittersweet “aww” reverberated through the room as she realized she was toward the end of her scavenger hunt.

For your final item to begin our anniversary date:

When you're feeling less than fresh there's just one place to go To wash and get all squeaky clean and scrub between each toe.

“Bathroom!” She squealed happily. When she ran in, she caught a glimpse of the dress. She looked radiant in it. Maybe it was the dress, maybe it was the fact that she was insanely happy right now. It didn’t matter. She wasn’t about to question this feeling. Quickly, she looked around and her eyes caught a basket of bath products - lavender again. There was a bath bomb, shampoo, conditioner, soap, lotion for when she got out, even a purple towel.

Taking out her phone, she texted Derek. “Are you home, you sneak? I’ve found all your clues.”

She didn’t get a reply, but less than a minute later, Derek peeked his head around the door frame, flashing her a cheesy smile. “You found everything?”

“Yes!” She cried out, jumping into his embrace. “That was so much fun.”

“I have so much more planned,” he winked.

Juliet did a little happy dance as he put her down. “Oh, do tell.”

“Well, I have dinner starting downstairs. It’s a surprise what we’re having. These bath things are for you. Take a bath while I finish cooking. I’m even going to put the towel in the dryer and heat it up for when you get out. Then put on the outfit and I’m going to take the flowers and some of the candles downstairs. I figured you could use one in here.” The unrestrained joy on his face told her he was proud of himself. He should be. This was perfect. She’d remember this forever.

She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed him, lingering there to capture this perfect moment. “Mood lighting. I like it. Okay, my sexy Casanova. I’ll take a bath and I’ll be down in a bit.”

                                                           -----

Half an hour later Juliet was slipping back into the dress and shoes and heading downstairs. She was trying to be quiet, but the house was old and the stair creaked, betraying her. Derek played along though, ignoring her until her hands were over his eyes. “Guess who.” She murmured happily, pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Hmmm, I’m terrible at guessing. Give me another hint.” Derek insisted, grinning.

She rolled her eyes, removing her hands and kissing him lightly. “Oh, it’s the woman I’m hopelessly and irrevocably in love with.”

“Hi.” Juliet whispered, unable to help the smile that spread onto her lips. She felt giddy; he made her feel so excited and content.

When they’d visited his family, his mama had cooked some fettuccine alfredo that Juliet had fallen in love with, so after hanging up with her earlier, he texted in desperation for the recipe. Up until then, he honestly had no idea what he was going to cook, just that he was planning to cook. Juliet took a piece of pasta from the bowl, slurping it up and leaving a drop of alfredo sauce on her nose. “I kind of want to do the lady and the tramp thing with the pasta.”

For her, he’d do it. His heart started beating frantically. She looked so stunning. Her smile carefree, her eyes awash with candlelight. Dinner smelled amazing, and in the background of his sense, he could smell the tulips he’d picked up for her. “You look beautiful, Juliet,” he said seriously.

“Thank you, love.” She blushed, looking down at her plate. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

It was now or never. He couldn’t wait until after dinner. He’d throw it up in the process and that was not how he wanted her to remember this proposal. “You know I love you more than anything else in the world, right?” He asked, his voice wavering slightly.

“Of course, I do.”

“When we met, I figured this was a favor I was doing for my cousin. I never expected to meet the love of my life. And I definitely didn’t expect for said woman to assume I was a stripper on first meeting,” he laughed.

Juliet covered her face with her hands, remembering the epitome of foot in mouth that had happened the year before. “To be fair. You would be an amazing stripper.”

Derek chuckled. Even in a moment like this she could make him laugh. This was definitely the woman he was meant to spend the rest of his life with, if she’d have him. “We’ll have to revisit that later. But for right now, I have something else I’d like to do, if that’s alright.”

“Derek?” She asked softly, breath catching in her throat. He was going to say another perfect thing if she let him keep talking. But she couldn’t. This was it, this was the right moment. Slowly Juliet started to reach into her pocket.

“Juliet. Could you look at me for a second?” He murmured. She froze, looking up. He was shaking. She gripped the ring tight. “Is everything okay?”

He nodded but didn’t speak, slowly getting up out of his chair and reaching into his back pocket.

No.

As if it was happening in slow motion, Derek knelt down on the floor, reaching into his pocket where he held a velvet pouch. He dropped it into his hand.

This wasn’t happening.

Yes, it was. “Oh my god,” she whispered, hands covering her mouth as the tears sprang to her eyes. “Derek?”

“Juliet Hunter-Lewis,” he started, grasping her hand, “No one on earth has ever made me feel like you do. I see everything when I look at you. The wedding, the marriage, the family, the growing old together. I’ve never been able to imagine that with anyone, but with you it’s just so natural. If you do me the honor of being my wife, I will spend every day of the rest of our lives making you feel about me the way I feel about you...Will you marry me?”

Tears starting to blur her vision, Juliet found her way out of her chair and knelt down on the floor in front of him, trembling as she pulled her father’s ring out of her pocket. “Only if you say yes too.” She laughed through the tears, smiling at the love of her life.

Derek found himself laughing too as he nodded. “Yes. Yes. A million times yes. Or whatever the biggest number Reid knows is. That’s how many yeses.”

“Then yes!” Juliet exclaimed, holding out her right hand and trying in vain to keep it from shaking. They both knelt there on the ground laughing and crying as Derek slid the ring onto her finger and then she did the same. “This is so beautiful.”

“It’s my mama’s. She gave it to me when we visited.”

That was months ago. “You didn’t ask her for it?”

“No,” he replied. “She just knew. Mother’s intuition, I guess.”

She was going to have to give Fran the longest hug in the entire world next time she saw her. “It’s amazing. She’s amazing. You’re amazing.” Leaning in, she grabbed his face in her hands and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I love you so much.”

Cradling the back of her head, he pulled her closer, their sweet and chaste kisses turning breathless in the blink of an eye.

“Dinner’s probably getting cold,” she laughed.

He didn’t care. “We do have a microwave.”

Something told her dinner was going to have to wait.

@virgoswlw​​ @crimeshowtrash​ @literallyprentissstwin​ @jazz91121 @tommyhollandd​ @spencer-puppies-and-stuff​ @fl0werb0nes18​ @stunudo​ @spencerthepipecleaner​ @theofficeofsupremegenius​ @ultrarebelheart​ @lookwhatyoumademequeue​ @lukeassmanalvez​ @mentallydatingspencerreid​ @nobravery​ @criminal-anatomy @matthew-gray-reidler​ @remember-me-forever-silent-angel​ @original-criminal-fanfics​ @lovelukealvez @stories-you-wont-hear @speedreiding @marvelfanlife @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars​ @wonderboygenius​ @naturallytom​ @imagines-for-criminal-minds​ @acespence​ @sweater-vest-reid​ @criminalmindskeepsmealive @spenncerreiid​ @sam-carter-in-training​ @parker-hopper @spencerwreid​ @ssahotchner​ @profiler-in-training​ @were-skye​ @trollitis​ @heyboywonder​ @ficrecswithcassie​ @janiedreams88@gingeraleandcontemplation @cynbx @fortheloveofspencerreid​ @tippy06​ @cleocc @bestillmystuckyheart​ @ssaunitchief​ @xxm3xxj​ @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo​

[queen-of-the-merry-men]

Around the Block (Glass Believer Fic)

A/N: So @findingtallahassee has written me a lot of prompts in the past and I wanted to write something for one of her OTPs. So here’s a short Glass Believer Hyperion Heights AU I thought of awhile ago where Henry is Jacinda’s Swift driver and she needs him to drive her around the block to calm her newborn. @trueloveismagic might be interested too.

------------------

It was getting late when Henry dropped off his latest Swift customer. As he watched the tipsy couple stumble out of his backseat he silently debated whether or not he should call it a night. It was 3am and the late-night crowd was waning but so was his bank account the last time he checked. Pulling, away from the curb he decided that it was time to head home. He’d clock in early tomorrow to make up his losses but for tonight he was done.

He barely driven a block when he got another ping on his Swift app. Groaning, he reluctantly took a look.

A new fare, less than two blocks away and he was the only one in a 10-minute radius. Twisting his lips indecisively, he wondered if it would be worth it to cart another drunk frat boy back to his apartment for the night. After a moment of hesitation he decided to accept. Rent was due soon, anyway.

He drove to address praying to god that whoever got in his backseat wasn’t the chatty type. It was far too late to pretend as if he was interested in anything other sleep this night.

His eyes widened when he pulled up to the curb and saw a woman dressed in blue plaid pajamas waiting on the street. Her lopsided ponytail swung back and forth as she jostled the car seat under her arm, attempting to stifle the long winded yawn he saw fly from her mouth. Before he even rolled down the window he could hear the unmistakable cry of an infant reach his ears.

“My name’s Henry,” he said, uncertainly. “I’m your Swift driver.”

“Oh thank god,” she sighed, reaching for the door handle.

Henry watched, his eyebrows knit together curiously, as she shoved the car seat with her wailing baby in the back before climbing in the front seat and letting out a tired breath.

“So... where are you headed?” he asked, raising his voice over the sound of her baby.

She shrugged. “Nowhere in particular.”

“Excuse me?”

The woman vaguely, gestured toward the road. “Just... drive around the block a few times, please.”

A confused chuckle fell from the back of Henry’s throat, as he shook his head at her. “Yeah... that’s not how this works.”

The mother bowed her head, letting out a tired moan before turning to him with desperate brown eyes. “Listen Henry... do you see that precious ball of joy back there?”

He nodded.

“That is my two-month old daughter, Lucy,” she explained. “I named her that because she is the light of my life... but that screeching sound that she’s making right now? Well, it was the first thing I heard when she was born and the only thing I’ve heard since. I have been up since 6am yesterday, trying to get her to stop and failing miserably.”

“Okay...”

“The only two breaks I’ve gotten,” she said, talking over him, “were on the cab ride home from the hospital and on the hour-long trip to visit my step sister. Apparently the only thing that soothes is the steady rumbling of a car engine so I... am... begging... you... please just take me around the block. Because I am about to lose my mind.”

Henry stared at her. On closer look he noticed the dark circles under her eyes and the spit up on her shoulder, both of them actually. All that combined with the wavering desperation in her voice as she begged him to drive her around the block painted a very visceral picture.

“Okay,” he acquiesced. “I will take around the block a few times. We’ll see how it goes.”

She shut her eyes gratefully. “Thank you. I will give you the best tip of your life, I promise.”

He doubted it, but as he pulled away from the curb with a crying infant and an exhausted mother as his passengers he couldn’t help but feel as though he’d been right to take the fare.

To her credit, the woman was right. They’d barely gone around the block once before Lucy began to settle. By their third time around, she’d gone completely silent and he was sure that she was sound asleep. He gave her two more laps to be sure, and pulled up to their building on the fifth, keeping an eye on her through the rear view mirror.

“Well, I’ll admit that worked better than I expected,” he said, cheerfully putting the car in park. “Think she’ll stay asleep for long?”

Realizing that he was getting only snores in response, his eyes whipped toward his passenger seat, where he saw Lucy’s mother out cold with her head against the window.

“Oh..no, no,” he said, gently shaking her shoulder. “Hey, wake up.”

Double checking her reservation, he starting calling out to her by name. “Jacinda... Jacinda it’s time to wake up.”

For all his efforts, Jacinda remained dead to the world and Henry dropped his head to the steering wheel and groaned. God, this was the night that would never end.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, the cackling beginnings of a cry began to rise from the back seat. Lifting his head from the steering wheel he looked back, worried, as Lucy started to cry again. Jacinda stirred in the front seat and though he knew it was probably the quickest way to get her out of his car, a part of Henry hesitated to let Jacinda wake up to a crying baby.

“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath.

Rolling, his eyes he climbed into the backseat, placing a hand on Lucy’s stomach as she started to squirm. “Hey don’t cry,” he pleaded, in his calmest voice.

Lucy’s face turned red, as she outright ignored him and started to wail once again.

Henry grit his teeth, unsure of what to do next. He wondered if he should take her out of the car seat. Jacinda probably wouldn’t be too fond of that idea.

Lucy let out another wail and Henry reached for her seat belt buckle. Screw it. Maybe he was just tired but if her mother had the audacity to slip into a coma in his front seat, he should be able to comfort the baby anyway he saw fit.

Cradling her in arms, he tried to bounce Lucy to calm her down. It was ineffective. She squirmed and cried in his arms as he tried to remember what his mother had done when he was a baby. She said he used to read to him and tell him stories. Unfortunately, there was only one that he could think of at the moment.

“Okay Lucy,” he muttered. “The publishers didn’t like this one but maybe you will.”

He started telling her the warped fairy tale he’d been working on the past few years. One filled with redemption and curses, old feuds and two battling mothers. He whispered to her stories of a cursed town filled with miserable characters who had no idea who they were and the young boy who worked to save them. It was a long, twisted, confusing tale (according to the publishers) but Lucy seemed to enjoy it. Listening to him speak, her cries softened and eventually went silent. Her eyes didn’t shut but instead remained focused on him. He’d never had such an attentive audience.

Telling stories to her he didn’t even notice how much time slipped by.

---------

Sleep and rest. Jacinda had long forgotten what they felt like. Every since her daughter was born it’d been a 20 minute nap there and 10 minute break here. She hadn’t truly rested in weeks.

Perhaps that’s why she slept so soundly in Henry’s car. If she’d known it would be the last proper sleep she’d get for the next few weeks, maybe she would’ve felt less guilty but as it was she’d count falling asleep in her Swift driver���s car and leaving her baby to the whims of a stranger as one of her lowest parenting moments.

When she woke up, the first thing she noticed was how rested she’d felt. Her bones no longer ached and her head no longer felt heavy with sleep deprivation. For the first time in weeks her mind was clear was as the sky. That’s probably how the panic moved in so quickly.

Squinting, against the glare from the windshield, she noticed that the sun had started to rise and illuminate the street.

Wait... the street?

She abruptly sat forward in her seat and was jerked back by the seat belt across her chest. What hell? Her head whipped around, as she took in her surroundings. Was she in somebody’s... car?

“Don’t panic.”

She whipped her eyes to the back seat where she saw Henry sitting with her daughter in his arms.

“You’re safe,” he said.

One look at him, and everything came back. He was the Swift driver she’d ordered.

“What the hell are you doing?” she hissed, frightened. “Why do you have my baby?”

“Because I figured leaving her alone in the car would be reckless endangerment,” he deadpanned. “You fell asleep.”

“I realize that,” she said, embarrassment rising in her cheeks as she glared at him. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I tried,” he laughed. “After the first ten minutes I thought you were legally dead. You were out cold.”

“Oh my god,” she whispered, shutting her eyes and running her hand over her head. Did she really just fall asleep in a stranger’s car with her infant daughter? “Lucy...”

“Is fine,” said Henry. “We’ve really gotten to know each other these past two hours.”

Two hours? “Oh my god!” She jerked away her seatbelt and rushed out of the car. Opening the door to the backseat she held out her arms for her daughter. “Give her to me!”

Henry immediately passed over the baby, and Jacinda sobbed with relief, pulling her close. “Oh my god, baby I am so sorry.”

She looked her over, relieved that her daughter seemed no worse for wear. In fact, she seemed calmer than ever. Not a hint of tears in her eyes.

Henry climbed out of the backseat, pulling Lucy’s car seat with him. He looked her up and down. “I take it you don’t have much help.”

She looked at him, confused. “What?”

“No offense... but you slept like someone who’s doing it all on their own.”

She hesitated, before reluctantly nodding. “It’s just me. I have a roommate who helps as much as she can but she’s visiting her mom this week.”

Henry nodded understandingly, passing her the car seat. “Sounds rough.”

She kept herself from agreeing. She made a promise to herself when Lucy was born to never speak of her as if she was burden. Growing up that was all she’d heard from her stepmother and she didn’t want her daughter to feel the way she had. Instead she just nodded.

“It’s worth it,” she said, looking down at her daughter. “Every minute.”

“I bet,” he mumbled, dropping his gaze. “Listen if you ever need another ride around the block, call me.” He passed her a drab business card. “Hyperion Heights is kind of my territory.”

She let out a small awkward laugh as she took it from him. Henry Mills, FICTION WRITER.

“Fiction writer?” she noticed. “Anything I would know about?”

Henry shrugged his shoulders, opening the door to the driver’s seat. “Ask Lucy. She’s heard all my stories.”

They said goodbye with a nod and a small wave, Henry watching the two of them through his rearview mirror as he drove away, the picture of them sticking in his mind all the way home. After a quick shower, he’d collapse in bed wondering in she’d ever call him again.

When he woke up he’d check his Swift App to find the best tip of his life and a five star rating.

[backtothestart02]

Things to note if you’re following this blog as a westallen/Iris West stan:

FIRST, A NOTE: I know there are some commonly held beliefs in the westallen/Iris West fandom. For the most part I agree with them. However, b/c I tend to multiship and love all the characters on most shows I watch, my opinions can run down the middle occasionally instead of on just one side or the other. Some of you have been following me a long time and know where we differ on opinions and are okay with that. But others of you are recent followers. You don’t know what’s up, and you get high key displeased w/ me as a blogger and wonder what in the world made you decide to follow me in the first place when I post unpopular opinions from our fandom that stray from what you believe is acceptable.

This post is a head’s up to unpopular opinions that I have. After reading if you still feel I’m worth the follow, keep on going. Just be aware that on the rare occasion, these opinions may crop up. If not, feel free to unfollow/blacklist and move on to more worthy blogs. I promise you I will not be offended. I don’t want you to come across something that upsets you on my blog, but there’s no way I can please everyone and still feel like I’m able to post everything I want to post. Also, I’d rather not have countless asks streaming into my inbox whenever I post something that may offend you that you weren’t expecting to see. The list below details some (at least what I can think of atm) of those things, so you can be prepared if you do decide to stay.

Last thing, this is not an open invitation to come attack me in my inbox for the opinions I have listed below. This is just me helping you be more aware of my thoughts and feelings on show matters, so you’re not taken off guard for the very few posts where I actually share said opinions. That is all.

1) In the first couple episodes of the Flash, I couldn’t decide between who to ship - snowbarry or westallen (i.e. I thought Grant had chemistry with both ladies and his potential story with both of them appealed to me.) It was the snowstorm backstory in 1x03 that killed any SB romantic feels. I haven’t shipped even the potential of snowbarry ever since.

2) I hardcore shipped spallen while they were together and was sad when Patty left. Even though I didn’t want them to be together long term, I did want them to reach Iris/Eddie status. It should also be noted that I thought Grant and Shantel (as much as I’m disappointed in her irl due to her remarks about Candice/Iris the following summer) had a ton of chemistry. I doubt I’d have shipped Barry with Patty if I hadn’t felt that, because I was not looking forward to Barry having a love interest that wasn’t Iris after season 1.

3) Due to my loving spallen so much, I wasn’t overly aware of Iris being sidelined in 2A, and I didn’t consider Barry a bad friend to her for that reason. (I’ve seen the light since then, but it’s still not an opinion I’m firm on, and I definitely didn’t start out thinking the worst of Barry for what was written.)

4) I didn’t appreciate Iris sneaking off with Wally in 3x11 and deliberately lying to Barry about it (and then that very fact not being addressed whatsoever). Again, I’ve come to an understanding about this as well, but I still didn’t appreciate the lying.

5) Before the “We are the Flash” scene actually happened, I was not a fan of Iris taking on the role of team leader at all - at least not after Barry came out of the speed force. I’m now a huge fan of it, but I didn’t start out liking it.

6) For AU I’m open to almost any pairing in many cases. For instance, I’ve seen SB AU vids that look really good. (I really just love how people are able to create AU SLs in such unique ways w/ unrelated scenes tbh, esp in vids.) In those instances it just looks like Grant and Danielle are starring together in a romantic comedy or whatever, and I have no problem with that. As long as Iris/Candice aren’t also in the scenario and Barry/Grant is refusing her for Danielle/Caitlin (b/c that I’m def not a fan of), I’m pretty open to scenarios that are completely separate from canon as we know it. (At least with vids. It might be a tough pill for me to swallow to read a fic that was SB, even if Iris wasn’t a character w/in it.)

7) I can buy Caitlin having a little bit of a crush on Barry in season 1. I really don’t think Barry ever shared that feeling (though some scenes they shared were clearly ship bait), but b/c Danielle played up those scenes towards an SB romance occasionally, I think it’s totally legit to have shipped them together in that season or shipped the potential of what they could have been. There was ship bait there. If there are feelings on one end, it’s not a crack ship. After season 1, however, (esp after 2x01) there’s absolutely no sign of it. And especially now the delusion is ridiculous. Barry & Caitlin had plenty of opportunity to get together, but they never did. And whatever Caitlin may or may not have felt for Barry even in season 1 never trumped the very deep love she had for Ronnie, so in the end it’s irrelevant.

8) I didn’t like Barry and Linda together. I didn’t buy that they had chemistry either. (Though to be fair, I didn’t even try to be open to it, because I didn’t want it. lol.) Iris was getting jealous, and Barry was shutting her down. With good reason, but still. My bb Iris was finally realizing her feelings, and she was hurt b/c Barry wasn’t responding to them the way she wanted when she couldn’t even say what they were b/c she was in a relationship of her own. It’s not Linda’s fault in the slightest, but - esp given Malese has come btwn two of my ships on two separate shows, one of them being my otp - that ship just rubbed me the wrong way. They were getting in the way of westallen finally happening and that bothered me (b/c it was such terrible timing and proves further why I fully expected to hate spallen before it even happened).

9) I love Felicity (though not a fan of that wedding interruption, obvs), and especially Barry & Felicity’s friendship. So, while I didn’t approve of everyone continually keeping Iris in the dark about Barry’s identity in season 1, I didn’t come away from Felicity’s 1B crossover where she encouraged Barry not to tell Iris about his identity (I don’t even REMEMBER that part of the advice she gave him tbh). I came away being pleased that he was going to fill in Caitlin and Cisco with what he was feeling, and I loved that Felicity was there for him as counsel outside of the people involved with his current struggle.

10) I love love loved what has been called the ‘original’ team flash - Barry, Cisco, and Caitlin. Because of that reason I love platonic snowbarry, and I was sad when they stopped having that many scenes together post-s1. I know it’s because Iris was no longer in the dark, but I really thought they had a special bond, just like he and Cisco do. She’s clearly the person he’s least close with of all the people in his life, but I do really appreciate when we get snapshots of their friendship, and specifically the Barry/Cisco/Caitlin dynamic. That threesome is special, and I like when it’s highlighted. For example: Caitlin actually being a part of Barry & Cisco’s game of laser tag at the beginning of 4x03 brought me so much joy. Also, 3x07 is one of my fav episodes of season 3 b/c not only did it showcase westallen beautifully - and killervibe - but also snowbarry. Iris’ pep talk to Barry and Barry saving Caitlin from herself in almost the last scene are just about on equal significance to me. The WA scene rises above for obvs reasons, but I really truly loved the SB through-line in that episode. It annoys me to no end that I cannot find purely platonic SB vids to watch, b/c that is all I want in life for them. Their relationship is sufficient enough on its own. It doesn’t need to be more, and it’s not canon that is. I think there should be more appreciation for what is canon, rather than what is not.

11) I don’t hate Caitlin Snow. There have been several points in the show - whether it be an arc (her falling for “Jay” so soon after Ronnie’s second alleged death) or a couple episodes (3x15 - her selfishly keeping part of the philosopher’s stone for herself and not only not ever using it to try and get rid of her powers, but keeping it a secret and having basically no consequences for that fact). But in general? I liked her in season 1, and I like her now. It’s true that I’m conflicted now, because she hasn’t apologized to Iris about being onboard team Kill Iris w/ Savitar last season. But the Caitlin she is now is reminiscent of the Caitlin I loved in season 1, so mostly I’m good w/ her. (Besides snowstorm was my second top ship and killervibe is my fav friendship on The Flash. She’s obvs a huge part of both of those relationships.)

12) I don’t hate Danielle Panabaker. I high key disapprove of a lot of the things she said in season 1/2 interviews, and even when she maintains SB was on the verge of happening in season 1, I raise my eyebrows and scoff. But generally speaking, she seems like a sweetheart. I don’t believe it’s a facade the way I do with Shantel. I don’t think Danielle is a bad actress either.

*I’m sure there are more unpopular opinions I have, but these are the only ones that are occurring to me at the moment. I will think of more and reblog when I do.

[dbzebra]

I'm gonna do it - I'm gonna ask for our boy, GOTEN!

I was hoping someone would ask him. I’m on laptop now so I can add pictures! yay lolol

OK SO MY MANS GOTEN

(Under the cut because it gets long lol)

1. Why I like them

What’s not to like? He’s Goku’s son, the youngest SSJ, hilarious as a kid, and really cool as a teenager. Plus I always root for the underdog and Goten is definitely the underdog in terms of screentime out of all the main Z Fighters

2. Why I don’t

Because Toei and Bandai don’t do shit with him!! We barely know anything about him since Super started, which was supposed to be next-gen time going by Goku in Buu saga but nooooppe!

It just annoys me and then son family haters trash Goten and call him retarded like tf did this kid do lol

3. Favorite episode (scene if movie)

GOKU LOVES HIS FAMILY. IF YOU DISAGREE YOU’RE WRONG 

4. Favorite season/movie

5. Favorite line

There’s sooo many. Mostly dub lines lol.

His first line is adorable “I’m back Mama!” so cute sounding. they changed it in Kai and it doesnt sound as right to me

like @breezytealy said, I love that “Come back you villain” where he’s chasing the frog with the net lol. And right after he says “I got you now mister!!” lolol

And then when they were disguised as Mighty Mask he goes “Juice juice im gonna have some juice” like a little song and it cracks me up every time.

Also during the fusion training hes like “Hey Dad do you think I could fuse with myself and then I’d become two of me?? :D :D :D”

He’s the best fight me if you disagree lolol

6. Favorite outfit

If my icon on here wasn’t enough of a giveaway, then here you go.

7. OTP

Anyone who knows me already knows the answer to this (prepare for the big essay lol)

I love these two so much. There’s so much potential here, and their dynamic could be absolutely adorable if handled right. A combo of Gochi and K18 lol. 

Most of my headcanons are from their teen years soo thats what they’ll be about. I like to make Marron 1-2 year younger than Goten instead of 4 so yeah keep that in mind. If he’s 17 she’s 15-16.

Plus Ive never liked Valese from GT with Goten. She was cute but seemed like such a random choice.

Anyway, Goten is more like Goku/Gohan than his GT self, at least in the beginning. When he starts hs, he’s super into girls but is just shy/naive. Not to the degree of Goku or Gohan, but he cant’ pick up on flirting well. And he cant flirt back he’s just like uhhh thanks? Once he gets the confidence he thinks he’s suave / cool af but in reality he’s a dork. He’d be trying to act cool in front of Marron once theyre dating while wearing a Power Rangers or some kids show T shirt lolol

Marron is the tsundere type, but only with Goten. She had a crush on him since she was like 7 but he never knew. Everyone else knew it though. Trunks teased him about it constantly but for the longest time he was just like ??????? Anyway, one day it just hit him in the face, and he realized he liked her too but was just a dumbass. Cliche ik but idc lol. 

She’ll call him stupid but she’s totally kidding and he knows it. When they were children, Goten gave her the nickname “Mare” which she basically melts whenever she hears it. And Goten is the only one who can say it, if Trunks tries to she’ll get mad at him hahaha. 

And they’re totally shy on first date. 

goten holds her hand and she’s like >///////

and then Marron kisses him on the cheek first and hes all like

After they start going out, Chichi is all like “omg finally welcome to the family~~~~” because she considered Marron like a daughter anyway. 

Krillin cries like a baby (tears of joy) at the wedding for two reasons 1) his little girl is getting married to his best friends son 2) him and Goku are truly brothers now

AND THEN THERES MY BABIES 

GOTEN AND MARRON HAVE TWIN LITTLE GIRLS. 

KEIKO AND AKINA. THEY’RE LITTLE ANGELS WHO LOVE THEIR DADDY MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD

(Keiko is the blonde, Akina has dark hair)

like the rest of the SOn family theyre super kind and sweet. Keiko is the more blunt one like 18 and Akina is the nicer one like Krillin/Goten lol.

HE SPOILS THEM TO DEATH,

Marron tries to be the tough mom but whenever they want something they go right to Papa and he does it for them. When theyre teenagers they take advantage of this and he KNOWS he cant say no to them.

Except when they start dating.. lolol

“If you want a boyfriend he has to beat me in a fight first!!” - Goten

Marron is all smfh but goes along with it lol.

Ok lemme stop cause I can go on forever

8. Brotp

Goten and Trunks duh. They’re bros till the end. I love how they bounce off each other (and in EOZ make fun of each other) 

9. Head Canon

- Goten hates school and as such doesnt go to college after high school. It was never his thing and Chichi didn’t want to push him into something he didnt want to do, so she just let him be. After hs he got a job at Capsule Corp as like Trunks’ assistant or something once Trunks starts working there as pres. They frequently skip work to go to the arcade or train or something. Usually Goten’s idea because he’s a kid at heart.

Once Goten decides an office job isn’t for him, he decides to open a dojo. And there he rediscovers his passion for fighting and starts training serously again (which in turn motivates Trunks to start training again as well. They keep each other on their toes. Though he still doesn’t like all the public eye so they keep the Ki lessons on the down low. 

He eventually surpasses his father and grows his tail back after training with Elder Kai. me 

10. Unpopular opinion

Goten (and by extension Trunks to a lesser degree) should have been the MC of Super that starts post EOZ ignoring all this god shit.

11. A wish

For him to get the type of role that Gohan did in Z for an arc. Or even Kid Trunks in the Black arc. 

ANYTHING lol. Just please throw the poor kid a bone 

12. An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Gonna get labeled a homophobe but honestly don’t care

Truten

He’s canonically straight already but idc.

I know this a foreign idea to tumblr, but two guys can be friends without being gay for each other. Never understood that mentality. 

13. 5 words to best describe them

HE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER

14. Your nickname for them

I call Goten “my mans” “my boy” or when talking about him and Trunks together “the two clowns” lol