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habibialkaysani · 4 years ago

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the devil in star city (laurel/nyssa; t) - part vi

Ships: Laurel/Nyssa, Laurel/Joanna

Summary: “My name is Laurel Lance. When I was eight years old I was in a car accident that left me without sight. But in the process, my other senses were heightened.

By day, I am a defence attorney, ready to fight for justice in the courtroom on behalf of those who the law has failed. By night, I am someone else. I am something else.

I am Daredevil.”

A/N: Welp! I would say I can't believe it's been over a year since i updated this, but, uh, to call 2020 a complete and utter nightmare of a year would be the understatement of the millennium, let's be real. If you're still following this fic, I hope you are keeping as well as can be during these troubled times.

Please note that Laurel's alcoholism in this chapter is explored and talked about quite a bit, so fair warning for anyone who might be triggered by talk of addiction.

Read at AO3

Laurel's stomach growled in complaint as she lay on her bed, reading the braille version of The Complete Guide to the LSAT. It wasn't exactly light reading, and Laurel, so immersed in Legal Theory, couldn't quite remember if she'd had lunch, so she was thrilled when she caught a whiff of the aroma of pizza.

Nyssa had to be maybe a couple floors down. Sure enough, a few minutes later Laurel heard the door click from where she'd left it open.

“Got the pizza,” Nyssa said as she entered the dorm.

“Nyssa Raatko,” Laurel said, shutting the book with a grin, “my hero.”

“You’re the one who's intent on trying to save the world. Why else would you be spending your afternoon poring over books when you could be wreaking havoc on campus with me?”

Before Laurel could reply, though, there was another voice. "Sorry - hope I'm not interrupting."

Laurel hadn't heard Jo coming, for once not anticipating her familiar footsteps - and for good reason. Joanna should have been en route to Star City by now, surely.

Ever the gentlewoman (or flirt, it was hard to tell with Nyssa), Nyssa placed the pizza box on the bed and stayed on her feet.

"Not at all," she said, extending her hand to Jo to shake. "I'm Nyssa. You must be Joanna. Laurel's told me so much about you."

Joanna chuckled. "I bet she has. And… everything she told me about you seems to tally up."

There was no reason for Laurel to be flustered, not really, but she was, in a way, unnerved by how her best friend was clearly sizing up her girlfriend. Laurel got hurriedly to her feet. "Hey, Jo. Did you forget something?"

"Yeah, my criminal procedure notes. Just didn't realise until I got to the train station."

Quickly Laurel reached behind her and found a sheaf of papers underneath Joanna's pillow. "These, right? We were going over them last night." There was a rustling sound as Jo took a look through them. Once Jo made a small sound of assent and began to unzip her backpack, Laurel moved towards Joanna and called back over her shoulder. "Nyssa, I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

"Sure."

At least Jo had the good grace to wait until the front door clicked shut behind Laurel before she said anything.

"Dinah Laurel Lance," she said, sounding half-amused, half-impressed. "Always did know how to pick 'em."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning, she's hot, and so are you, so you two are a match made in heaven!" Laurel didn't say anything at first, mostly just relieved that the momentary awkwardness between them was indeed momentary. "I mean," Jo tried to backtrack, "all the, uh, girls must love that. And I am so glad the days of me being your wingwoman are over."

"You have to admit, you've never been very good at it," Laurel said. She hesitated, wondering if she should say what was on her mind, but she then remembered that Jo had a train to catch. "You'd better go. You're gonna be late."

"Uh-uh. A train can wait. My best friend looking like she was going to say something important - that can't."

Laurel felt a surge of love for Jo then. "You know I'd follow you off a cliff, right?"

Joanna patted Laurel's cheek. "Damn right I do. Now, what's on your mind, Laurel?"

"I guess - you're talking like I'm gonna be with her forever."

"Don't you want to be?" Laurel wanted to say yes without hesitation, but again, something was holding her back. Jo sighed, then said, "Okay, look -"

"I can't see," Laurel said, and though exasperated (Jo had surely heard that one a dozen times by now) her words still elicited a laugh from Jo.

"Listen, then - when you first told me about her, I thought it was just… you know, one of your - conquests, or something."

"Or something," Laurel agreed.

"But seeing you with her now - I realised something. You know, aside from being gorgeous as hell… she wouldn't look at you like that if she wasn't head over heels in love with you."

The words "she's not in love with me" were hot on Laurel's tongue, but they faded and didn't quite make it out of her mouth. "I - how does she look at me?"

"Like she can't believe her luck," Joanna said softly. "Like you're too good for her but you choose to be with her anyway."

"I'm sure that's not -" Laurel started to say, but Joanna cut across her, probably more sharply than she intended.

"Uh-uh. Remember, rule number one in Jo's Dating Handbook -"

"- the teacher is always right," Laurel said, shaking her head in exasperation. "Whatever." Nevertheless, Joanna's words left Laurel feeling suitable chastised.

"And remember rule number seventeen. For the love of all things holy - and I know that shit is important to you - try not to screw it up."

Laurel nodded. "Understood." But then she reached out, tugged at Jo’s sleeve. "This whole sage relationship advice, did you ever think about taking it?"

Joanna laughed and slung her backpack over her shoulder. "Not even once."

Chuckling fondly, Laurel opened the door to her dorm, where the smell of pizza grew stronger.

"Everything all right?" Nyssa asked, as Laurel slowly sat back down on the bed. Laurel knew, from the way the bedsprings creaked, that Nyssa had assumed Laurel's position, lying on her front, the pizza box instead of the LSAT book open in front of her. "You were out there a while. I was wondering if I had to start without you." And as if on cue, Nyssa's stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly. "Oh, I bet your bat ears loved that."

Laurel tried to sound annoyed, but she didn't quite manage it, the corners of the mouth twitching into a grin despite herself. "They're not bat ears."

"Super ears," Nyssa suggested, and for good measure she reached out and tweaked Laurel's earlobe.

"I kind of regret telling you about this," Laurel said, and they both shared a chuckle because they knew perfectly well that that wasn't true. Laurel had never been able to talk about this with anyone - bar Lia, that is, and it wasn't like that had ended well. "Now, give me my pizza." Nyssa obliged, passing Laurel a slice. "Oh yeah," Laurel said through a mouthful of mushroom and olive pizza, "that's the good shit right there. Jo - she's always so boring with her pizza choices. Always goes for margherita."

There was quiet for a moment as they both ate, and then Nyssa said, "Hmm. Surprising when she strikes me as the adventurous type."

"She is, just in weird ways."

"Like what?"

"Like when she took Punjabi just because some girl she liked was taking it too. Not that she was great at it. But that's kinda what I love about her, to be honest."

"Did you two always get along?"

Laurel laughed. "Oh yeah. When I first got here, she was already in the dorm, enrolling into her classes, and I came in, introduced myself. Turned out she was from the Glades too. She grew up there, same as me. She - she heard about what happened to me, as a kid."

"What did she say?"

For a moment Laurel paused. "It wasn't too different to what you said when I told you what happened."

Now it was Nyssa's turn to laugh. "She said you were trying to save the world?"

"She said I was a hero," Laurel said slowly. "She said that was how she knew who I was - how everyone in the Glades knew who Laurel Lance was. The kid who put her life on the line to save a stranger."

"You don't agree?"

"I don't know. Did I even save him? I don't know. I don't remember. And it's not like I willingly chose to get blinded to save some random guy - it's not the same, it just happened, and it's not like I saved my -"

But now Laurel broke off, unable to finish her sentence with the sudden lump building in her throat, and instead she busied herself with finishing her slice. Nyssa didn't say anything, thank God, just kept eating. There was silence, the unexpectedly comfortable kind, interrupted only by the sounds of chewing, and the ripping of pizza as the two of them demolished what was left in the box, the quiet chuckles from both of them when they reached for the last slice at the same time. Laurel smiled as Nyssa got to it first, even more so when Nyssa tugged the slice in half and gave the larger piece to Laurel.

After flinging the empty box somewhat unceremoniously onto the floor, Nyssa shifted forward a bit, until her head was buried in Laurel's lap.

"She fancies you, you know," Nyssa said, just as Laurel began to stroke Nyssa's hair absentmindedly.

"What?"

“Joanna. She clearly has a thing for you."

"What makes you say that?" Laurel asked.

"The way she looks at you."

"If that were true - and I'm not gonna be the best judge of that - would that bother you?"

"Oh, not at all."

"You're forgetting that I can hear your heartbeat, Nyssa," Laurel said, twirling a few strands of Nyssa's hair with her fingers. "Are you really jealous?"

"Maybe a little," Nyssa admitted. "You must understand, relationships aren't exactly - my thing. It is simply not how I was built. This is new to me."

"They're not really my thing either," Laurel reminded her. "Listen. She's my best friend and I love her to pieces. But my bed is small enough as it is. I think there's only room for you."

"Okay." For a second Nyssa paused, and then she chuckled. "I never envisioned myself as the jealous type."

"With me - it's more that I never saw myself as the serious type. Serious enough to make someone jealous, I mean."

Laurel's words were greeted with silence as Nyssa took that in.

"And now?" Nyssa asked finally. "Has anything changed?"

"It's not like we've been together long -"

"I've not been together with anyone before," Nyssa interrupted. "Not really. Apart from you. And that was not what I asked, but I get it. I do. Letting someone in… that's scary. Especially for people like us."

Slowly Laurel let out a sigh of relief, as some of the trepidation that had been building up within her at Nyssa's every word started to dissipate. "People like us?"

"Come on." Nyssa was smiling - Laurel could hear it in her voice. "We hide from ourselves. We don't let anyone get close to us."

"You. I let you get close to me." This was Laurel's moment. She could say it, say the three little words that were practically on the tip of her tongue. Laurel could say what she felt like she had to say, both with a certainty she could feel in her bones and with the startling realisation of the truth: Laurel loved Nyssa.

This wasn't the old cliche of falling in love at first sight - that had never been befitting of Laurel. No, what she had with Nyssa was more like walking in love with her. Laurel usually kept people at bay, and usually the only one within arm's reach of her was Joanna. But with Nyssa - Laurel could feel herself walking steadily towards her. She had been drawn to Nyssa from the start. And now the distance between them was closing, each step Laurel took felt all the more thrilling and terrifying, in equal measure.

If their relationship was a painting, things were looking good for them - there wasn't an end in sight, they were still in their early stages, of sketches and backgrounds. But to make that canvas beautiful, a great work of art, rather than a good one that would fade into mediocrity or obscurity - that required bravery. To make a good thing great, Laurel knew she needed some bold strokes.

"Nyssa, I -" But of course Laurel couldn't get the words out, and in that moment she felt her mouth go so dry it was like she was tasting cotton wool on her tongue.

"Are you okay?" Nyssa asked, her hand moving to cup Laurel's cheek.

"Yeah," Laurel managed to say. "I, uh, I'm just tired, Nyssa. Sorry. I'm gonna - I'm gonna get ready for bed."

"I can go, if you want." Nyssa didn't sound upset - just confused, unsure, and suddenly Laurel was thrown even more off balance.

"Please don't," Laurel said, and it must have come out desperately, but Laurel was hit with this overwhelming feeling of just wanting to be held and nothing else. Taking Nyssa's hand, Laurel squeezed it. "I asked you to come over, remember? And I - I want you to stay. Please?"

To Laurel's relief, Nyssa answered her with a kiss. "Of course. The things I do for you, dearest."

"Thank you," Laurel murmured, getting to her feet, and she couldn't help but smile as Nyssa followed suit, rummaging in Laurel's drawers for mere seconds before unearthing one of Laurel's t-shirts.

Later that night, Laurel sat bolt upright in her bed, jolted unexpectedly from her dream, only realising when her hand met her damp hairline that she was drenched in sweat.

The sound that woke her was a siren. She could hear it now, stopping and starting several times before the noise spluttered to life and assaulted Laurel's eardrums in relentless waves. It was too loud, everything was too loud, and even as Nyssa stirred vaguely next to her, Laurel wasn't in the present anymore - her dream had thrust her forcibly and uncomfortably into the past. The sirens grew louder, even though she could no longer hear the grind of the police car's engine, instead the clamouring of ambulances and the constant beeps of a hundred different machines. It was like she was a kid again in the hospital room with her comatose father, the shirt he fought his final fight in still clutched in her hand -

"Laurel?"

Gasping, Laurel realised from the ache in her neck and pain in the back of her head that she had fallen off the bed, and it was only then that she came to. Nyssa was by her side in an instant, trying to take Laurel's hand, but Laurel kept pulling away.

But Nyssa didn't let go, simply holding on tighter, and then pulling Laurel to her feet.

"Can you walk?" Nyssa asked softly.

"I - I think so."

Laurel was a little unsteady, but she managed it, only realising from the gentle pressure that Nyssa was leading her to the door. "Where are we going?"

"The roof," Nyssa answered. "I think you told me once that it's got one hell of a view."

It was a bad joke, but Laurel chuckled nonetheless.

"In the middle of the night?"

"Just figured we could get your mind to be elsewhere if we are on top of the world for once. You and me."

Laurel was silent, but she let Nyssa lead her up several flights of stairs. By the time they got to the top they were both panting.

"This view - better be worth it," Laurel said breathlessly.

"Oh, it is. The stars are fucking gorgeous tonight." Nyssa was already at the edge, and Laurel joined her a second later, leaning against Nyssa, who had brought up a blanket that she draped over Laurel's shoulders.

"If you wanted to know what that was -"

"You had a nightmare," Nyssa said calmly. "Happens."

"You're not gonna ask me why I -" Laurel broke off, though, because she wasn't even sure what to say.

"Laurel, I learned weeks ago that if you wanted to share something with me, you would do so in your own time. Not when I demand it." At first Laurel didn't say anything in reply, and when the silence stretched on for a minute longer, Nyssa added quietly, "If it helps - the sirens keep me up at night too, sometimes. I can… only imagine how much that problem is amplified with you. Literally."

Laurel shook her head. "It's not just that. I mean - that's part of it. All that noise brought back shitty memories."

"Of the accident?" Laurel must have looked surprised, because Nyssa's hand crept up to touch Laurel's cheek with an unexpected softness.

"Not the accident. I've just been - dreaming a lot. About when my dad died."

"He was murdered," Nyssa said - and there was unexpected bluntness in her tone.

"Yeah." Laurel's voice was small, and she wondered if she wanted to go on, or if she could.

"Did they ever catch the bastard who did it?"

"No. Never. I went after him once - Dan Brickwell is his name. But he went underground after my dad's death. Haven't heard about him since."

"Let's hope he's six feet under, then."

"Amen to that," Laurel said savagely, but instantly when Nyssa caught Laurel's had with her own, Laurel softened a bit. "Hey. I'm sorry, by the way."

"What on earth for, my love?"

God. Laurel didn't know how Nyssa did that - how she managed to be so casually and unabashed affectionate in her words, without sounding scared even for a second.

"I know I talk about heavy shit a lot. Sometimes it's all I talk about -"

"It really isn't," Nyssa interrupted. "And even if it is, you're allowed to talk about what traumatises you, because often that's all you can think about. Especially now. Especially with me."

"You're wrong," Laurel found herself saying.

"What?"

"You're wrong about my trauma being all I can think about. I mean - for a while it was. But now… now I have you."

"You can have me as many times as you like," Nyssa whispered silkily.

"I know that," Laurel said, and they shared a laugh. "But I meant that you're all I think about nowadays, Nyssa Raatko. I mean - you get under my skin like no one else ever has. You get me. And I've - probably told you more in the little time that I've known you than I've told anyone in my life before." I Laurel held her breath, waiting for the gentle fall of Nyssa breathing out, but it seemed like Nyssa too was waiting for the other penny to drop. "I guess… what I'm trying to say is - maybe, I think - I might love you."

Laurel wasn't sure what to expect by her sudden confession, or what brought it on in the first place. Maybe it was the cool air fanning against her cheeks, the fact that the trip up the stairs let Laurel expel some of the pent up adrenaline that was disturbing her sleep, or the comfort she felt in Nyssa's body heat under the blanket they shared.

But it still took Laurel aback when she felt a feather-light kiss on her forehead, then her nose, and then one that lingered on her lips. Laurel could taste Nyssa's smile, and if she were more optimistic, she could have anticipated that, just not the words Nyssa uttered next: "Maybe I might love you too."

Several times Laurel opened and closed her mouth without managing to say anything, and when words failed her she grabbed a handful of the t-shirt Nyssa was wearing to kiss her hungrily. She got what Nyssa meant now, about being on top of the world, because that was how she felt taking Nyssa Raatko's breath away, and Nyssa, lifting Laurel off her feet, kissed her back, all of it quietly witnessed by the stars in the heavens above them.

"Do you think that's crazy?" Laurel said eventually, her voice soft and wanting as she finally pulled away. Her lips were tingling, Nyssa's sharp intake of breath making Laurel's heart soar into the night skies. "I just - never thought I'd be that girl, you know? I thought being in love only happened in books and songs. But I am." Laurel smiled. "God knows it. He has for a while."

"So you figured you'd let me in on the secret, huh?"

"Something like that." For a moment Laurel paused, as another siren sounded - but it was a little quieter this time. More distant. Laurel was grateful for that, for the height they were at, that meant the wail that often echoed in her head faded a bit. Her head was a bit clearer, thankfully.

"Mostly I was worried about what you'd say, when not even two months ago we were complete strangers… that it would scare you. Like it scares me. And that you'd - leave. Like people usually do with me."

"I fear nothing about the two of us." Laurel's scepticism must have shown on her face, because then Nyssa caught her hand with her own and placed it on her chest. "Listen to my heart if you must. You know it's true."

And of course Nyssa was right - the thud of Nyssa's heartbeat was steady as ever. Unexpectedly Laurel wrapped her arms around Nyssa, hugging her, burying her face into Nyssa's neck. "Thank you," Laurel said softly. "For sticking around. For not running when you could have."

"If I'm running anywhere, it's with you," Nyssa replied, tucking Laurel's hair behind her ear. "I mean that. You're all I think about too."

"Nyssa Raatko, are you getting soft on me?"

"Maybe," Nyssa said, "but you'll never be able to prove it. Even when you're a hotshot lawyer."

"You really think I'll get there?" Laurel asked, and a little bit of the floaty feeling Laurel had felt since Nyssa said those words back to her began to drift away.

"I know so."

"You can tell the future now?"

"Of course I can. And I see a great one for you. And for me, after we get married…"

"You think that will be legal by then?" Laurel asked as they began to head across the roof to the stairs that would lead them down, eventually, to Laurel's dorm.

"... and we raise our kids behind that wonderful white picket fence -"

"God, please, no, Nyssa. You know you'd die in the suburbs."

"Sure, but you'd make an excellent mum. Though for everyone's sake, and their health, we should leave the cooking to me…"

"I'll have you know I can make an excellent macaroni cheese -"

Their good-natured bickering continued even as they took off at a run down the stairs, the blanket swishing like a cape on Laurel's shoulders. When they got back to Laurel's dorm, they collapsed on the bed together, sweaty limbs entangled.

It didn't last that long, only a few golden hours, but it was enough at the time for Laurel.

***

A couple days later, it was once again the middle of the night. She didn't quite know how she got to where she was, cradling a bottle of whiskey with her back against Joanna's closet door - Laurel couldn't remember even getting out of bed, actually. She just knew, as it hit her, all at once, that she was going to bite the bullet and launch herself well and truly off the wagon.

It was different, she told herself, from falling off the wagon, which Laurel thought sounded more accidental or unintentional. No. Laurel knew what she was doing and what she was walking into, and the phantom urge to follow the smell of booze and walk into a bar, or rummage through the stash Laurel knew Jo kept in her closet, grew stronger day by day. And in that moment she sat in darkness she knew surrounded her but couldn’t see. Slowly, she contemplated the conundrum she held in her hands in front of her, for the question really was to drink or not to drink, and she didn't know the answer. Laurel was not altogether surprised to hear the rustling of bedsheets and the sound of getting to her feet. Laurel waited, held her breath as she listened to Nyssa's soft footsteps on the rug -

"Laurel?"

"Why are you awake?"

But Nyssa ignored the question. "Are you planning on drinking that, or did you buy the bottle just for you to cuddle?"

Despite herself, Laurel couldn't stop the fleeting laugh from leaving her mouth. "You're saying that like you want me to."

"No," Nyssa said calmly. "I'm asking if you want to." She paused for a second. "And maybe why."

"What about you?"

Nyssa scoffed. "You know I do not care for alcohol."

"No, I mean, why? What's stopping you?"

"I suppose it is a cultural thing. Some practices just stick with you for life.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean where I come from… we viewed intoxicants with disdain. That and - I know that if I am constantly inebriated and dependent on it, that will affect my judgement, my memory, even my choices. Besides which - I despise the smell of alcohol. It is most unpleasant to me."

"I hate it too," Laurel admitted.

"But -"

"I know, I know, how can I be addicted to something I don't like? It doesn't make any sense. Like - I don't want to take so many steps backward that I'd be right back where I started. But I also - I need it."

"Need what?"

Laurel knew what she needed, and it wasn't an AA meeting or a hurried phone conversation with her sponsor - at least, in her head, all Laurel could think about was the burning feeling of whiskey going down her throat and exactly how much she craved it. She was thirsty for something, anything, that could fill this sudden, gaping hollow of sadness in her soul. She needed something to patch over the nicks of uncertainty in her heart.

"You know when you get a paper cut? And you wait to see if it bleeds, and sometimes it's just a tiny thin red line, but it stings like hell, so you -"

"- you squeeze it," Nyssa said suddenly. "Or you press on that bit of skin and make the pain worse for a second because…" But now, Nyssa trailed off, and it was the silent understanding that passed through them as Nyssa knelt by Laurel's side.

"This is pain I need, Nyssa." Laurel thought of her father, of the blood that covered her fingertips when they reached his chest, the deathly smell that lingered beneath her nails for at least a week after he died. "This is the pain I deserve."

“That’s not true.”

“How would you know?” she shot out bitterly, but she felt bad instantly. She edged further back and was surprised Nyssa didn’t come closer.

“I don’t need to hear your heartbeat to know when you’re upset about something,” Nyssa said - and she did so in a whisper so quiet that only Laurel would be able to hear. "Tell me what's wrong." A pause, and then, Nyssa added, "Please?"

"It's nothing," Laurel insisted, but she was already softening: she held out her hand, lowered her defences just enough to let Nyssa in. "I just - yesterday was March 5th. When my dad died. And I forgot. How could I forget something like that? How - how could I be so caught up in my life that I -"

"You're human, that's why. Despite what I may say about your super hearing," Nyssa said, gently tweaking Laurel's earlobe and finally getting a laugh from Laurel, "you are a mere mortal. You forget things, and then you remember. You have temptations, vices - and you find the strength, somehow, to resist them. And you look at yourself and think the worst because you see only your flaws, but then…" Laurel sighed at the feeling of Nyssa's fingertips, feather-light against her cheek.

"Then I find a beautiful girl at a party and ask her to dance," Laurel murmured. "No, I know. But it's more like - too much shit piled up.”

“I don’t follow.”

“There’s something else. About my dad’s death. The man who ordered the hit -"

"Brickwell?"

"Yeah. I heard on the radio while you were out getting stuff for dinner that he… he got out on a technicality."

"I thought you said your dad's murderer was never caught?"

"He wasn't. Brick doesn't get his hands dirty when he can avoid it. He was only in for a weapons charge, and even then they couldn't make it stick with the appeal."

"So now he's free?" Nyssa asked. Laurel just nodded hopelessly.

"I got my hopes up, Nyssa. I thought that maybe the system did work. That the law would do what it was supposed to do, that there might actually be justice - even if not directly for my dad then for him being a - a -"

"A complete and utter piece of garbage?" Nyssa suggested helpfully.

"That’s an understatement. I just felt so helpless. And it got me thinking about what my dad would think, of me, of what I'm trying to do with my life. What he died for. If it was in vain when even now it seems like I'm fighting a losing battle." Laurel didn't realise until then that she was breathing shakily. "It got me thinking about whose fault his death really was."

There was silence as Nyssa took this in, and there was no mistaking the incredulity in her voice. “Don’t tell me you actually blame yourself for his death?”

For a moment, Laurel didn’t say anything, simply moving her hand to enclose Nyssa’s wrist. Then, Laurel said, “Okay, then. I won’t.”

There was more silence, and for a second Laurel’s grip slackened on Nyssa’s arm, until Nyssa took hold of her hand with both of hers and pressed a kiss against her knuckles. “I’m afraid I still don’t understand.”

“I told you he was killed. I never said why.” Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Laurel tried to collect herself, but the next words came as a sob. “It was because of me.”

She expected Nyssa to make excuses for her, in a futile attempt to absolve Laurel of the sins that haunted her. But Nyssa didn't do that. “How?” she asked instead, and her tone was level, steady, just like her heartbeat.

"I overheard him once. When he was training in the ring and I was doing my homework - someone came to talk to him, wanting to fix the fight. And my dad -" Laurel's voice cracked for a second, and this time when Nyssa made to put her arms around her Laurel didn't stop her. "- my dad was Larry Lance. Always broke as shit, a single father, with a blind kid who needed expensive braille books. He had very few options. So of course he agreed. And on the night of the fight… he was getting ready, telling me not to wait up, and I -"

"Oh, Laurel."

"I told him what I heard. I couldn't believe my dad was going to cave to the gangs in the Glades when he was always telling me I could make it a better place. And I got angry at him, Nyssa. I said he was being a hypocrite, that - one of the last things I said to my father was that he wasn't as brave as I thought he was. And because he listened to me… because he didn't lose like he agreed to - he paid the ultimate price. So it is my fault."

"So what?"

"Excuse me?"

"I don't think it was your fault, Laurel. But clearly you do. And I don't get to tell you what your truth is - I just want to know how you think you're going to find the answer to your guilt in that bottle."

"I'm not looking for an answer. I'm -" Laurel searched for the words, finally settling on, "I have a lot of rough edges. A lot of that is guilt. The booze smooths them over a bit."

"You say that. But you know that it won't last. And later down the line you'll have even more of the guilt for succumbing to something you've fought off for a year." Nyssa hesitated for a moment, then said, "I know I never met him, but - you're strong, Laurel. Stronger than you know."

"You say that, but we tied last time we sparred." Laurel knew she was deflecting again, but she couldn't help it - her heart was aching and she felt rubbed raw with vulnerability. Nyssa seemed to sense this, cupping her cheek and running her thumb down Laurel's jaw.

"My guess is that you were raised to be that way by your father. But also - the strongest metal is forged in the hottest fire, after all, and you found strength in the face of adversity, Laurel, and it's one of the things I love most about you." Laurel couldn't stop her smile if she tried now.

"I wanna be brave, Nyssa. Like I told my dad to be. I just don't know how."

"About your father… do you want to talk about him?"

"Do you really want to know?" Laurel asked doubtfully.

"Laurel. Darling. First off, daddy issues are definitely in my wheelhouse."

"You and me both, sweetheart."

"And second - you should know by now that I would gladly listen to you reading the Constitution if you really wanted to talk about it."

Laurel smiled, and as Nyssa got to her feet, Laurel did the same. She turned, opening Jo's closet door and placing the bottle back inside. Nyssa was waiting for her, and on impulse Laurel kissed her, taking Nyssa by surprise.

"What was that for?" Nyssa asked softly.

"I love you,” Laurel whispered, “for everything that you are. And for not giving up on me."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

“That makes one of us.”

“One day it’ll be both of us.”

They got back into bed, Laurel's arm going around Nyssa's waist and pulling her close.

"So, uh, did you wanna start with the separation of powers?"

"Separation of what?"

"Separation of powers into three branches of government?" Laurel said teasingly, and Nyssa made a few sounds of confusion. “I thought you wanted me to talk about the Constitution?”

“Oh, that’s what you were talking about!” The thing was, it sounded like Nyssa wasn’t even kidding, and that made Laurel laugh. "How about I tell you about my family, and you tell me about yours?"

Come to think of it, Laurel didn’t know much about Nyssa’s family at all - just that she had a sister and that she was adopted. She wanted to know more about the woman she loved.

"Deal."

Tagging: @prett-ybird @mysunnyonesotrue @unusual-raccoon @avasharpe @light-miracles @nyssalance @saraa-lancee @nerd-spikey @i-should-be-asleep-probably @bioft @flyingofftoneverlandforgood

#lauryssa #laurel x nyssa #laurel lance #nyssa al ghul #arrow #arrow fanfiction #daredevil au #mattelektra au #mine #my fic #otp: dinner's on me #fic: the devil in star city #alcoholism tw #addiction tw

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