#otp: katyan/atton

[consulaaris]

❤️ 💝 ☔️ for katyan!

ty chrissy!! :D

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❤️- How do they most often express their love? Verbally or through actions?

very much through actions! katyan’s primary love languages are acts of service and physical affection. primarily it’s service though- she cares and shows her love in the little details of things, and she’s never felt like words and empty promises have meant much to her anyways (but especially after revan’s- her sister’s- betrayal).

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💝- What are their best qualities as a partner?

kat is very attuned to her partner’s needs! as mentioned above her main love language is acts of service, so she’ll always try and do nice things for them whenever she gets the chance- like bringing atton a cup of kaf in the morning, or just doing lots of thoughtful little things to remind him he’s on her mind. she’s is also very easy to talk to, and especially if her partner is struggling she’s good at listening and gives pretty decent advice. once in a relationship with atton she’s also a little goofier with him that she is with most people, and so will encourage him to do little things like dance with her in the cargo hold; and she’s perceptive enough to know when he’s struggling and how she can lighten the mood (while he knows her well enough todo the same for her).

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☔️- What are they like when they’re emotional? How quickly do they recover?

for better or worse, one of katyan’s defining character traits after the mandalorian wars is her passivity- so when she gets really emotional, she tends to withdraw into herself, refusing to act on it, and often it appears to those who don’t know her well that either nothing is wrong or she simply doesn’t care. kat is relatively quiet anyways, but it’s... a different kind of quiet, and she definitely becomes more subdued and doesn’t like to talk about her feelings during those times (although she appreciates efforts to cheer her up that don’t involve the person prying!). however, when she reaches a boiling point-however rare- it can result in a pretty furious outburst. definitely not a healthy way of managing her emotions LOL but she does get better after the events of the game. although it depends on the situation, katyan outwardly tends to recover pretty quickly when she’s upset like that, assuming people notice something’s wrong in the first place, but she does tend to internalize her emotions and holds grudges.

[consulaaris]

32 for katyan/atton?

dear lord it’s been like 2 months this is so late I’m sorry life’s been crazy asdfgkgkhk

But in any case thank you so much for the ask! I tried to attempt a few stylistic things here, I’m not sure if it worked but hey!! I love these two sm so I’ll take any chance I can get to write about them :’)

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32- “We’ll get through this. I promise.”

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As she stumbled out of the shyrack caves, Katyan was blinded by the light. It was hard to measure the passing of time beneath that dark earth, so she had little notion of how long she’d been under there. Every breath hurt, every step was agony. For the life of her she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in this much pain. The former Jedi licked her cracked lips, noting almost deliriously the dry state of her mouth.

Water. She needed water.

Kat’s fingers were tired to the bone, fumbling with the strap on her canteen and accidentally dropping it. Yet she could hardly summon up the energy to care as the life-giving liquid seeped into the hot earth, leaving behind nothing but a dark stain.

Soon she would have to face the truths that she’d seen in that dreaded tomb. Soon she would have to face the buried bodies of her past, face the inner demons that haunted her every step.

Soon she would have to face a lot of things. But not now. If she tried to face them now, Katyan would break into a million little pieces that she would never be able to put together again.

Her legs gave out beneath her, and Katyan fell to her knees with nought but a quiet thud. Almost against her will her eyes studied the red dirt beneath her. Perhaps the uneven cracks and character of the terrain would bring her the answers she needed; it wouldn’t be the strangest thing she’d seen today.

“Katyan!”

Oh.

But the exhaustion that wrecked every fiber of her being prevented her from lifting her eyes to face the voice until Atton’s hands were on her shoulders. Slowly Kat forced herself to look upwards, to meet his concerned gaze, noting the tight set of his mouth and the dark circles under his eyes.

“Do I-“ she coughed, attempting to work up more moisture into a tongue that felt as if it hadn’t been used in years. “Do I really look that bad?”

(She was pretty sure her attempted smile came out as more of a grimace, judging by the way Atton’s brow furrowed.)

“Just a little,” he said, the man’s lips curving slightly before falling back to their former expression. “Are you... are you okay?”

As grateful as Katyan was that he hadn’t asked what she’d seen down there, she could still hardly bring herself to answer him. Her lips opened and closed like a fish gasping for water, yet no sound came out.

She couldn’t bring herself to lie this time.

With a shaky inhale, she forced the word through her lips, forced herself to be vulnerable, to be honest, if only for a single moment.

“No.”

It was like she’d opened some door within herself, as though that single word was the key that unlocked the tears that began to roll down her face in waves she couldn’t subdue. Great sobs racked her body, and in the moment before her vision blurred Kat could’ve sworn she saw something like terror cross Atton’s face.

Those sturdy hands left her shoulders, but an instant later she was enveloped in his embrace. His arms held her close, offering what little comfort they could give; and she gladly accepted. She could’ve done little else but cling to him in that moment.

Breaking the silence in an instant, Atton’s lips moved near her ear. He spoke quietly, vehemently, in a tone she’d never heard from him before.

“We’ll get through this together. I promise. I promise.”

They kneeled there in the sands of Korriban, each holding on as if the other was their lifeline. But as she held Atton all the tighter through her shaking sobs, burying her face into his shoulder, Katyan had neither the heart nor the energy to tell him that she didn’t believe it.

[consulaaris]

14 for katyan/atton?

14. “Things you said after you kissed me”

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It hadn’t taken long for them to fall into the habit of sleeping together.

Not in a sexual sense (they’d rather not discuss the time they both stumbled back to the Ebon Hawk after one too many glasses of Corellian whiskey), but rather just... sleeping. There was something to be said, Katyan thought, of how sharing her bed with another made the terrors of her nights seem just that little bit farther away. He wasn’t the panacea to all of her woes, but in those moments Atton surely made life more bearable.

She snuggled closer to the pilot as they spooned, and felt his arms tighten around her, lips pressing a soft kiss into her hair.

Kat sighed, and managed to wiggle around to face him.

“You can’t sleep either?”

His eyes were dark pools, barely visible in the thin beam of light that reached them from the crack under her door. Even though she could not make out the details of Atton’s face, Katyan hadn’t been able to help herself from memorizing it all- the angle of his nose, his cheekbones, the way his hair flipped up above his eyes in a cowlick that she couldn’t help but try to smooth.

Yet in the darkness she could still make out the faint curve of his lips as he smiled.

“No, I was... thinking.”

“That’s dangerous business, coming from you,” she whispered, pressing her lips affectionately to his cheek.

Atton simply shifted position, propping himself up on one arm as Katyan stared up at him questioningly from their shared pillow. From this angle the side of his face was highlighted in sharp relief, and yet she couldn’t quite discern his expression. Despite the Force bond between them, he was so often still a mystery to her- a factor which she found both frightening and attractive.

In that moment she felt the stirrings of an emotion which she couldn’t quite bring herself to name.

He leaned down suddenly, and suddenly their lips were meeting as she felt him open up to her, felt the tenderness with which he cupped her face, felt in that moment that it was just the two of them, Katyan and Atton fighting against all the universe had to throw at them.

And for an instant, she felt that they would win.

They finally pulled away from each other, breathing much more heavily than they had been before and with a newfound sort of understanding found between them.

Heated eyes studied each other’s faces, at once so strange and so familiar, and Atton broke the silence first, in a voice hushed and filled with a kind of wondering affection.

“I think you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

She could not ever to hope to describe in words the rush of emotions that burst through her in that second- and so Katyan pressed her lips to his once more, to show him.

[consulaaris]

8 or 17 for atton / katyan !

hi I’m so sorry this took me like a month to do it’s been a crazy couple of weeks and I’m working on the others as well anskskskskks

I ended up picking 17 bc I had kind of a cute idea for it, but I actually have 8 partially written out as well and should be posting it soon!! I hope you like it, thank you for the ask! 💖

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17-“You say I got us into this, but you didn’t stop it from happening, either.”

For once- perhaps the first time in his life- it wasn’t Atton’s fault. Really.

(Okay, maybe a little.)

In any case, he now stood back to back with Katyan facing the group that had followed them out of the Nar Shaddaa casino with violence in their eyes. The pair had their fists at the ready- they had weapons, of course, but starting a full on blaster fight with lightsabers flying was definitely not on Atton’s agenda tonight. Besides, they were plenty skilled enough to handle themselves… even if they were a tad tipsy.

“Just how much money did you scam off these guys?” Katyan hissed at him, elbowing him slightly as they shifted to get a better sense of the numbers that encircled them. Six? Eight? It was hard to tell.

Atton scowled. “I don’t know? No more than a couple hundred credits. Maybe a thousand. Nothing to cry over.”

“A thousand credits? Flyboy, you’re lucky they didn’t skin you with a vibroknife right there at the pazaac table!”

The warm tingling feeling he’d gotten from nickname was somewhat muted by the burly Trandoshan that suddenly hurled himself towards Atton with fists swinging. He was able to use the alien’s momentum to cause him to lose his balance as Atton jumped out of the way, leaving Katyan to her own devices, then hitting him with an uppercut to the jaw and kick to the side. Two nasty looking human men tried to take him on next, but they were clumsy and slow- nothing compared to Atton’s powerful Echani training. One of them got in a meager blow to his face, but he dispatched them quickly before whirling around to see how Katyan was doing.

The blonde was breathing heavily, but the four grunts on the ground were certainly much worse for the wear.

“Hey, you may say I got us into that mess, but you knew full well what I was doing and did nothing to stop it, so…” Atton let his sentence trail off with a shrug.

“Don’t you dare try to shove that off on me!” Kat laughed and took a step closer to him, her gray-violet eyes peering intensely into his. They stood like that for an instant that seemed like an eternity, so close and yet so far. For an instant, Atton was sure that she might kiss him, press her lips softly against his- but then she shifted and the moment was lost.

Yet her hand drifted up towards his face, reaching up to wipe away the trickle of blood that seeped from his split lip with her thumb. Atton’s breath caught in his throat, and Katyan smiled sweetly up at him in a move that was much bolder than he’d come to expect from her.

“I can’t be held accountable, I was distracted,” she said as she leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

Just as suddenly as she’d moved before, Katyan pulled back and began to walk away. She put her hand up in the air to gesture for him to follow as she called out: “C’mon, the others will be wondering where we’ve been. You might want to think up an explanation before we get back to the ship.”

Atton shook his head in disbelief, following as ordered but wondering why in the universe he’d agreed to Kreia’s ultimatum to follow this woman.

Boy, he was falling in deep.

[consulaaris]

selcouth for your exile?

selcouth- unfamiliar, rare, strange, and yet wonderful

She didn’t know when it started- the strange little flutterings in the depths of her chest, the trembling of her fingertips, the thoughts that drifted where she knew they shouldn’t. Attachments were forbidden for a Jedi, and the Force knew they’d destroyed her before... yet Katyan couldn’t quite bring herself to care.

It had been such a long time since she’d felt like this, since small smiles appeared so freely from her lips and laughter filled every nook and cranny of the Ebon Hawk. The feeling of belonging warmed her to her very core. She had friends again, people who cared about her in more ways than she could possibly imagine. So what if perhaps she felt a little different about her pilot? Surely it was just the newness, the rarity of the sensation that all but consumed her thoughts.

But she was lying to herself, of course. Again.

(It’s oh-so-difficult to escape such a pattern of deceit, especially when one’s very identity is built on it.)

Katyan had never truly explored her feelings before, or at least had never been given the opportunity to do so. She’d noted fleeting attractions of romantic and sexual nature on many an occasion, but this was... different. Atton Rand was different.

She wasn’t entirely sure she liked that.

In truth, the newness of it all terrified her. The change terrified her. So many times in the past had the world been seemingly ripped from under her feet that she could hardly bring herself to face each new day for fear of what it might bring. Consistency, routine; those were her tethers to the world at hand. Without them she felt like she was drowning, floundering in a galaxy that had no space for a renegade Jedi traumatized by the actions of the past. That was how she’d survived in those long seven years since Malachor, and that’s how she’d continue on given the chance.

And yet those moments with Atton were strangely captivating. She couldn’t predict him; she never could. He was a wild card aboard her ship, a threat to her mental sanctuary, but despite it all she enjoyed the banter and the little pazaak games that filled much of their free time. She found herself seeking his company when she least expected it, and he seemed to return the favor. Each moment felt like a breath of fresh air, or perhaps a sweet stolen surreptitiously from the candy jar.

It was new and enticing and oh-so-wonderfully strange that she couldn’t bring herself to pull away. To Katyan it was almost like feeling the Force for that very first time, opening her eyes to a world she’d never really known existed... and while it was unfamiliar and frightening and uncertain, for perhaps the first time she reveled in it all.

So for now she lived in the moment, damning the consequences.

[consulaaris]

18 fluff atton/katyan or 21 mirali/ailyssa? only if you want though!

Okay I couldn’t resist the urge to write out some of my Katyan & Atton feels so here we are but there’s like a 99.9% chance that there WILL be miralyssa stuff with that prompt at some point too

And thank you so much for the ask!! 💕

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Fluff #18: “I think it’s adorable how easily you blush.”

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As Atton looked over from his pazaak deck to see Katyan’s small form curled up in the copilot’s chair, he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. It was just the two of them in the cockpit, and it was exceedingly difficult not to feel that things were exactly how they should be. (Even if he knew that it couldnt last. These things never do, for him.)

Katyan had him wrapped around her little finger, although he hoped she never learned of it. He may have jokingly called her an angel at their first meeting, but she truly had blessed him. For perhaps the first time, Atton wanted to change- feeling that maybe leaving his past behind wasn’t quite so impossible as he’d always believed... and for the first time, he’d begun to believe in his own redemption.

With a small sigh he leaned back, studying the soft planes of her face, the distinctive mark under her right eye, the loose ash blonde curls that surrounded her face like a halo. Almost of their own accord his fingers reached out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

Unfortunately for Atton, the former Jedi wasn’t as deeply asleep as he’d thought, and jerked awake at his touch.

She looked around blearily, eyes not quite focusing on him, and Atton immediately cursed himself. Katyan got little enough sleep as was, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty about startling her.

“I’m sorry, Kat,” he said hurriedly. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

For a moment she just stared at him quizzically, obviously still less than lucid. Atton’s face grew redder by the second as she continued to simply watch him.

“I think it’s adorable how easily you blush.”

What?

What?!

Katyan seemed to comprehend what she’d said at about the same time Atton did, and her hand flew to her mouth as she sat up.

“Oh- oh Force I’m sorry, that was inappropriate of me, I don’t know what I was thinking,” she said, eyes widening.

“Don’t worry about it,” Atton said, waving his hand dismissively (despite his ever-darkening cheeks). “I’ve been told a lot of things by pretty ladies, but that’s never been one of them. Besides, it’s my fault I woke you up.” He smiled at her lopsidedly in an attempt to put her at ease.

Katyan wouldn’t quite meet his eyes, running her fingers through her hair nervously as her own face turned rather pink.

“Still, I-“ her eyes flashed up to meet his for a split second before continuing to rove the cockpit. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Really, Kat, it’s fine. I promise.”

The young woman groaned. “If you say so. I really think this whole ‘lack of a filter’ thing goes to show just how much I need a good nap.”

“You mean like the one I just interrupted?” Atton rolled his eyes. “Seriously, just stay here and sleep for a bit. You’re not bothering me, and I owe you one. Besides, you know you’re always welcome here.”

For a moment she hesitated, as if about to protest, but then she yawned massively and seemed to decide against it. “Alright, I’ll stay. At least for a little while. Thanks, flyboy.”

She smiled at him, and the world was a little brighter.

(Force, he was whipped.)

Barely suppressing another yawn, Atton watched as Katyan relaxed back into her chair, curling up once more into her former position. It seemed as though sleep took her quickly, yet just he was about to return to his game her voice drifted over to him. It was lovely, soft and a little bit vulnerable.

“I meant it, though. You are adorable when you blush.”

Atton’s mouth dropped open, but just as he’d thought up a suitable reply Katyan’s breathing fell into a deep pattern that told him she was fast asleep. He looked at her fondly for a moment, the stirrings of affection warming his heart.

Before he could stop himself- and praying that she wouldn’t wake up again- he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Atton shivered a little, feeling the heat of his face as he tried to distract himself once more with his pazaak cards.

(He really was going to have to rethink his priorities, wasn’t he?)

And unbeknownst to the pilot, as he moved away Katyan’s lips curved into the tiniest of smiles.

[consulaaris]

∇ for katyan?

∇: old age/aging

Katyan

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(Jfc: I REFUSE to acknowledge Karpshit’s trash pile as canon. Nope. Exile does not die in a stupid way in my canon.)

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I’d like to think that after venturing into the Unknown Regions to find Revan, Katyan returns and settles down with Atton. While she played an instrumental role in recreating the Jedi Order, she wouldn’t have ever wanted to truly rejoin them- after all she’s been through, even though it’s being rebuilt by people she holds dear, she will never “officially�� be a Jedi again. (Everyone knows she kinda-sorta is, though, and she’s always behind the scenes in helping with what needs to be done.) Slowly, but surely, she will also rebuild her relationship with Asheli, although it’s not all a bed of roses. Things are difficult and the healing is slow, but eventually as the Republic brings itself together Katyan will be able to patch up the minuscule pieces of herself. She is not the same person she once was, but nor does she want to be; she has grown into something new.

As time passes she and Atton would probably settle down somewhere quiet and peaceful- they’ve both had their fair share of adventures. Katyan is surprised, though, when after years of peaceful existence she is struck by a sudden urge to explore, to break away from her predictable life once more. She’d never realized that she’d miss the traveling, the death-defying stunts she’d pulled in her young age, but the older she gets the more the nostalgia simply… exists.

Eventually, decades later, the couple would pack up their belongings and set out on a ship once more- not in search of danger, or on some broad quest, but to travel, explore all these worlds and their cultures in a peace that they’ve never had a chance to experience before. Katyan finally has the chance to stop suppressing her natural curiosity and caring nature, just continuing to learn and help people for once. I think they’d probably continue this until the end of their long days, perhaps spending periodic months with Asheli and Canderous, and their other old crewmates (by now old Jedi, the lot of them). It’s not a stereotypical existence, but it’s theirs and they’re content until the finish.

It’s been a peace hard won, and few deserve a happier ending, I think.

[consulaaris]

and so it echoes through the force

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Exile & Revan- 4.5k words

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Sometimes, a story is best told in pieces.

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After the battle at the enclave she was tired, streaked with dirt and blood and who-knows-what else and wanting little more than to lie down in this exact spot and sleep for the next decade. But of course that wasn’t about to happen.

Katyan brushed the sweaty blonde curls from her eyes, wincing slightly as her fingers grazed a cut near her temple. She was out of practice and she knew it. Quite frankly, it’d been sheer luck that she and her small crew had been able to repel the mercenaries without more serious consequences.

And while she hated to admit it, Master Vrook was the only one who might have some insight into how Kat could fill the gaps left from her incomplete training all those years ago.

Great.

The old windbag had been talking to Terena Adare after the battle, but now stood off in the corner of the building looking at something on his datapad. Katyan’s heart began to race, feeling almost more afraid that she had fighting the mercenaries. She was a youngling all over again, terrified of the man who’d helped to make her life miserable; and now she’d come to ask for his help.

She forced herself to stand tall as she approached, keeping her back straight and attempting to still her shaking hands. Hoping she looked more at ease than she felt, Kat came to a stop before Vrook and cleared her throat to get his attention.

His eyes moved slowly towards her. Surveying her. Vrook’s craggy face was harsh, betraying little of what he thought.

“Katyan...” he said her name slowly, bitterly, as though remembering each and every one of her past sins with it. “Ferro, is it? That’s what you’re calling yourself these days?” His harsh bark of a laugh startled her.

She nodded, feeling the sweat beading on her temples. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. Too many bad memories; too much history.

Vrook merely laughed again, and every muscle in Katyan’s body trembled with the effort it took to refrain from bolting that very instant.

Their gazes locked suddenly, less a battle of wills than a test of morality. Kat knew, behind a shadow of a doubt, that he found her lacking.

Yet the old Master sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, glaring at her despite it all.

“I can’t do much, but I can show you a few lightsaber forms. Maybe something that’ll help you find the rest of the remaining Council.”

Kat blinked in surprise, but nodded solemnly, not trusting herself to speak as Vrook led her towards a more open area, already lecturing. She knew she should feel happy, or accomplished or- or something other than bleakly empty.

The past is the past, Katyan told herself firmly, locking up the memories once more in that little box of her heart where they resided. She would get what she had come for; that was what mattered.

Even if living a lie wasn’t going to be as easy as she’d thought.

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Ash’s fingers lightly gripped the charcoal stick as it danced across the page. There was no real intentions to her movement, yet slowly but surely a face emerged on the canvas. She didn’t know how long it took to finish the portrait, to shade in each detail in black and white, but before she knew it was complete. Art was like that for Asheli; an escape from the mess in which she currently found herself.

The trip from Tatooine to Kashyyyk was long, and hence left Ash with far too much time to think.

“Ooh, is that a self portrait?” Mission’s bright voice cut through her reverie, and Asheli blinked in surprise before looking down at what she’d just drawn.

A small frown crossed Ash’s lips. It did look oddly like her- as though she’d been staring in a mirror and had gotten just enough of the major details wrong to warrant a second glance. The face was younger, softer. Smiling. Untouched yet by the hardness of life, as if plucked from some desperately familiar fever dream she couldn’t quite place.

“I’m not sure,” Ash admitted, shrugging as she wiped her charcoal-covered hands in her robe. “I suppose it could be. It does kinda look like me, don’t you think?” She patted Mission’s shoulder as she got to her feet, and the young Twi’lek beamed at her.

“Well I think it looks a lot like you. It’s very pretty! Do you think you could teach me to draw like that?” The teenager put a finger to her lips, head tilted as she considered the paper before her.

Asheli’s chest rumbled, laughing. “Maybe sometime. It takes years, you know. Not something even you’ll be able to pick up in a week.”

Mission looked momentarily disappointed until her eyes focused on something behind Ash and brightened again.

“Hey, Bastila! Come check out this drawing that Asheli did. I think it’s a self portrait, and it’s super pretty, right?” Her deft fingers snatched up the paper, holding it up for the other Jedi to see.

Bastila stood for a moment, brown eyes blinking for a few seconds to focus before suddenly widening. Instantly her face went white, her mouth opening slightly in surprise as her gaze shifted rapidly between Ash and the portrait Mission was holding up. Comparing. Calculating.

Fearful?

“Bas, you good? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Asheli’s dark brows raised, wondering what in the Force was going on (and hoping- with a certain sense of resignation, because really she knew- that none of it was connected to the strange dreams she’d been having of late).

Bastila shook her head as if to clear it. “No. Yes. I mean, I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep well last night, is all.” She shot Ash a quick smile, a peace offering, but it was clear that something about the portrait had disturbed her. Mission had noticed too, but said nothing although a confused expression painted her round face.

“Well, I’m hoping it’s nothing some caf can’t fix, because that’s what we’ve got.” Ash snorted, gesturing towards the empty mugs on the counter. “Help yourself.”

“I don’t need your permission,” Bastila sniffed haughtily, but there was no bite in it. The teasing between the pair had settled into something quietly affectionate- not that Ash would ever admit it.

Yet though she cared for the girl, Ash couldn’t help but curse internally as she watched Bastila prepare her drink. Something was up, so Bas would be even more on edge when they reached Kashyyyk. She wasn’t particularly excited to deal with that.

It was what it was; there was no crying over spilt milk now (even though she still wasn’t entirely certain what she’d done). Careful not to smudge the charcoal, Ash gently took the drawing back from Mission and placed it in her folder of completed works. She’d look at it more closely tomorrow, her time occupied for the moment with idle the idle chitchat of her shipmates. Her friends.

But the next day when she searched for that strange portrait among the rest, it was gone.

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“Do you know why Kat never talks about the war?”

Bao-Dur sighed, shaking his head disapprovingly. “Even if I knew, why would I tell you? That’s the general’s business, not yours. Or mine.”

“Please?” Atton pressed on. “Something about it has been bothering her lately, and I’d like to help.”

“Well besides the obvious result of Malachor V, it’s not like war doesn’t leave its scars. She probably lost someone she cares about. Leave her be, Atton.”

“If you say so,” Atton shrugged, giving Bao-Dur a jaunty wave as he turned to leave the garage. “I’ll be on my way.”

The Zabrak shot him a glare as he walked away. “I mean it.”

While he appreciated Bao-Dur’s concern, the pilot was more subtle than most people gave him credit for. (When he wanted to be.) And all Atton wanted to do was see it Katyan was okay. She’d been quieter lately- more reticent- and it worried him. Maybe it shouldn’t, but he’d never been great at guarding his feelings when he was supposed to.

(And his budding attraction to the former Jedi certainly had nothing to do with it.)

After grabbing himself a cup of caf, he made his way to the cockpit. It was getting late, but he needed to stay awake. Didn’t want to sleep, to face the night. Too many things lurked there in the darkness.

Yet as he reached the cockpit, Atton’s brows rose up his forehead. Because there in the copilot’s chair with knees drawn up to her chest and a bottle in hand, sat Katyan.

“Uh, hey.” He tried out his best winning smile, leaning against the wall in what he hoped was an attractively confident pose. Kat didn’t respond, merely staring at him with dull eyes.

Atton made his way over to the pilot’s chair, settling in with a sigh and looking with some concern at the woman next to him.

“Are you alright?”

“No,” came the reply, sharp and sudden.

His brows rose again. “Well, do you want to talk about it?”

She took another swing from the bottle, staring blankly into the emptiness in front of her. “Not particularly.”

Thinking back on Bao-Dur’s words, Atton frowned. Wondering if this was the right move, he spoke again.

“Did you lose someone? In the war?”

Katyan started, a spark of life finally reaching her eyes. “I... yes,” she admitted, looking surprised at her own answer. “I did. Today is the anniversary of her death.” She shivered a little, suddenly seeming very, very small.

That was, until she turned to him with a suddenly fierce glare. “How did you know?”

He put his hands up defensively. “It was just a guess. It seemed like something to do with the war, and...” The rest trailed off, but Kat seemed to understand, relaxing slightly.

“Do you want to talk about it now?”

She stared at him for a moment. Thoughtful. Considering. (He wished suddenly that he had that uncanny Jedi ability to read minds.)

“I guess, yeah. Now that you’ve brought it up.” A not-quite smile played across her lips, and she took another sip of her drink before inhaling deeply.

“Nine years ago, I lost my sister. She and I were very close. Closer than close; bonded by both blood and the Force. She was a Jedi too, although a fully Knighted one.

I was only sixteen when the Mandalorian War began. I shouldn’t have been out there, should’ve have been fighting so young- but my sister had been persuaded entirely by Revan’s message. She was an idealist, and believed in it wholeheartedly. So was I, I suppose, but... had it not been for her, I wouldn’t have gone to fight. She begged me to come with her, and so I did. I would’ve done anything for her; she was my big sister. My idol, you know?”

Kat wiped her eyes, refusing to look directly at Atton.

“The years passed. They saw fit to make me a general, and my sister had her own duties to attend to. We were tired, worn thin and scarred by the war effort, but we still had each other and that was what mattered.

But then came Malachor V, three years after it all started. I... I gave the order to use that weapon, and I’ve been haunted by it it ever since. I was too young for all of that responsibility, too young to have all of that power. And after it all, the one thing I wanted was my sister. Only to find out that while I’d been off playing general, she’d been killed in one of Revan’s foolhardy battle plans. Gone. Not even a body for me to mourn.”

She took in a deep, shaky breath, clenching her eyes shut as if to block out all of the memories.

“I think about her all the time,” Katyan admitted, opening her eyes once more and meeting Atton’s gaze. “And I regret not having saved her every single day of my life.”

After a few tries to get the last drops out from her bottle, Katyan sighed. “So now you know. And I didn’t tell you looking for pity, by the way, so don’t bother.”

Atton nodded, understanding. Trying to think of what to say.

“What was she like?”

Katyan’s breath caught.

“She was... brave. Fiery. Confident. Good. She loved with every single piece of who she was, and she believed wholeheartedly that by fighting in the Mandalorian War, in Revan’s war, that she was doing something truly worthwhile. That was my sister for you; she always did what she thought was right, regardless of the consequences.”

She tried to laugh, but it came out choked. Kat shuddered and those lovely violet eyes squeezed tight, unable to stop the flow of tears.

“I miss her.”

Atton had never been good with words, and so he reached out and gently- oh so gently- rested his hand on hers, trying to reassure her the only way he knew how.

“Hey,” he whispered as she looked up at him. “I’m sorry.”

Without warning Kat threw her arms around him, body shaking with each violent sob. She smelled of liquor and lavender, and as he gently stroked her hair while she continued to cry.

(He wondered how long it’d been since someone had touched her with kindness.)

And though every instinct begged him to run, to leave and never come back, Atton held Katyan close until her breathing steadied, face buried in his shoulder. Held her until she pulled away slowly, looking tearfully at him like she was one step away from shattering, until he knew he was in far too deep to ever let go.

.

.

Though she stood proudly facing Malak, lips drawn back into a feral smile, Asheli’s whole body felt like she had been struck by lightning. Every part of her thrummed dully with shock.

Revan.

She should be more surprised.

But it all fit, somehow- like the pieces of her shadowy former life were finally coming together. Lies, all of it- lies she’d been living for well over a year. What parts of it had been true? Had any of it? Who had known? Carth had obviously been told by Saul, and Bastila’s admission had revealed some of the story.

With an effort she schooled her face into an expression of casual arrogance, tossing her wild red curls in an action she hoped would complete the illusion.

“If I really was Darth Revan, what makes you think you can beat me?” Ash’s lips curled upwards, blood dribbling from her nose where she’d been struck by a trooper earlier.

Malak laughed, made all the more sinister by the mechanical whir of his false jaw. “Why would I be afraid of a mere amnesiac? You remember nothing; you’re no threat.”

Asheli’s smile was jagged, fierce. “How do you know what I do or don’t remember?” It was a bluff, of course. She could sense Carth’s fury, Bastila’s concern- but she was more worried about how they were going to get out of this mess alive than either of their feelings.

A louder laugh this time. Something bitter and cruel shone in the man’s gaze, and despite herself Asheli felt a cold trickle of fear down her back.

“Oh really?” Malak drew the word out, relishing it. “Then what about Katyan?”

The name slammed into her with all the force of a blaster bolt, and Ash jerked backwards despite herself. Her hands trembled, hardly able to keep her blades steady.

“Wh- She- That’s not important.” She hoped she sounded more forceful than she felt. There were images flashing through her mind. Memories. So quickly she was almost swept away with the force of it. A woman- a girl. A flash of eyes and lips.

This time, Malak’s laugh was the most genuine she’d ever heard it. “Oh? So you don’t remember anything about little Katyan? Or what you did to her?”

Bastila stepped forward, struggling. “No-!”

But Malak did not stop, the story flowing from his mouth quick and unstoppable and Asheli was floored with the shock of what she had done, what she had done. She tried to inhale, struggled to breathe. She snarled at-something. What? Herself? A thousand emotions warred across her face. Ash knew knew the horrors slowly taking root in her mind would not be easily undone.

“And that’s not even the best part.” The voice was viciously satisfied, but Ash was shaking her head angrily, hardly able to see past the images in her brain. Some part of her filled to the brim with a cold dread, as though her worst fears were about to be realized. Every inch of her body shook with absolute fear and she thought she might know what was coming.

No.

No.

But the words left his lips, the final nail in her mental coffin, and Asheli could hear nothing but her entire world shattering into pieces. They echoed through her mind again and again and again and she knew nothing would ever be the same.

“She’s dead, and you’re the one who killed her.”

Her lightsabers slipped from her fingers as her knees buckled. She collapsed with naught but a wordless cry escaping her mouth, trying desperately to believe that Malak’s words had all been lies. (Yet none of the memories that now fluttered into her brain like no more than wisps contradicted his vile words.)

A face. Blurry, at the edge of her conscience, oh-so-achingly familiar. Smiling. Trusting.

She’s dead.

A red lightsaber raised above her head.

I killed her.

A long yellow blade, suddenly blocking it.

She’s dead and I killed her I killed her I killed her I killed her I killed her I killed her-

The yelling that echoed around her seemed muffled, as though her ears had been stuffed with cotton.

(She couldn’t bring herself to care.)

I killed her I killed her I killed her I KILLED HER I KILLED HER I KILLED HER I-

Strong arms curled under her own, jerking her up and away. She thought she might be running.

It didn’t matter. None of it did.

I KILLED HER.

.

.

Canderous rolled his neck, reaching up to crack his jaw, and Katyan shuddered at the sound.

“Could you not?” she said, scrunching up her face in mock disgust.

The old Mandalorian just laughed heartily, and here in the garage with the bike and the smell of oil filling her nose, Katyan finally felt... quiet. It’d been a while since she’d been able to relax.

After her conversation with Atton the other day, it was good to get away from the hustle and bustle of the ship. Give herself time to think things over. She shivered despite herself. Everything still felt raw, new. She wasn’t quite sure how to feel about anything now.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Canderous raised an eyebrow at her, and she couldn’t help but smile. Kat had always liked the older man, looked up to him in a way. His straightforward outlook was rather refreshing.

So Kat paused, pursing her lips and wondering if perhaps opening up to him at least a little might be helpful. Therapeutic, even.

Seeming to sense the seriousness in her demeanor, Canderous settled back and laced his fingers behind his head.

“During the war I had... my sister, she fought with me. We were close. Very close.” Kat swallowed thickly. “But she died, killed in the midst of one of Revan’s battle plans. I’ve never forgiven Revan. Never will, I think. Even if the bitch really did come back to the Jedi.” Her lips quirked vaguely upwards. It wasn’t a smile.

Yet when the reaction came, it wasn’t what she’d expected.

Canderous snorted loudly, setting his wrench down on the workbench before meeting Katyan’s eyes. “That’s the most bullshit thing I’ve heard since you landed on Dxun and told me it was an accident, girl.”

What?

She gaped across the bike at him, shocked into silence by hurt and no small amount of confusion. But Canderous merely guffawed at Katyan’s expression, ignoring her silence until he eventually quieted and seemed ready to explain himself. His fingers ran through his beard thoughtfully as he paused and his lips tightened. As though he was searching for words.

Odd, for Canderous.

For a moment she thought she sensed a wave of pity from him, until a spark of something harder lit the Mandalorian’s steely gaze.

“Revan didn’t kill your sister- Revan was your sister.”

.

.

He’d known the truth since the moment he’d met her. You couldn’t have spent years learning and loving someone’s body as he had Asheli’s and not.

The similarities between them were striking, if you knew where to look. He could see it in the shape of their shared nose, the high cheekbones and the slight curl of full lips when they smiled. Could see it in the rosy bronze of their skin, the wild curls of their hair and the curve of brows that were identical in all but color. Could see it especially in the gray-violet storms of their upturned eyes, as fierce and wild as the universe itself.

(The same eyes that stared at him now, a whirlwind of emotions he couldn’t quite place.)

It was plain as the day to Canderous. Of course he had known; his first meeting with Katyan had been like seeing a ghostly echo of his lover’s face. They were like two sides of the same dark coin, tied together so tightly by the strings of fate the Force had woven about them that he doubted they could escape if they tried.

(Worlds apart, and yet so alike.)

Katyan still seemed to be at a loss for words, so Canderous pressed his advantage. “You like to say your sister’s dead because it’s easier that way. Hurts less. But the universe doesn’t work like that; never has, never will. You’ve got to wake up and face the truth, Katyan Ferro. Or should I say Katyan Var?”

That got a reaction out of her. Kat flinched, and there was something more than a little feral in her expression as she stared at him. Like a wounded animal- one he’d just backed into a corner.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said slowly. As if forcing each word past her lips was an effort of monumental proportions.

“Unless you have a reasonable explanation for how else you can explain why the woman I fucked for years looks like she could be your twin and has a sister named Katyan, then I say you’re full of shit,” Canderous said mildly, unable to suppress a cackle of amusement at the look of horror slowly spreading across the young woman’s face. He’d never mentioned his travels with Ash to her, so he wasn’t entirely sure if her expression had more to do with being caught in a lie or his own admission of sleeping with her sister.

Katyan’s reply was petulant, though, clinging to straws in a last-ditch effort to evade him. “We look nothing alike.”

It was a weak protest, but true. They were vastly different. Ash was all sharp angles and swagger and arrogance, brandishing her fire and anger like a badge of honor, as a weapon to be wielded against the universe. Katyan was smaller, a creature of curves and softness, with her edge of bitter fury masked beneath the quiet femininity and feigned indifference she wore so well.

But...

“At least you’re admitting it now.”

Canderous wasn’t sure what to expect, but there was no loud certainty to this revelation. Katyan simply shuddered and seemed to fold in on herself- the house of cards she’d built around her past breaking to pieces around her. The ruse was finally up. Part of Canderous pitied her; but the larger part of him knew it was for the better.

He stood lowly, his legs stiff and protesting, to walk around the bike to kneel and lay a surprisingly gentle hand on her shoulder.

“She loves you, you know.”

The only response was bitter laughter.

“It’s true,” he pressed.

Katyan jerked away from his touch and up to her feet, the tool she had been holding hitting the floor with a sharp metal clang.

“Asheli only loves herself and her own power,” she snarled, too-bright eyes flashing. “I learned that the hard way, and you will too if you haven’t already.”

Canderous drew himself up to his full height, a cold sort of anger building up in his chest. “Don’t push me, Katyan.” Gray eyes met violet, and neither flinched.

She merely laughed, more than a little manic. “What? You’re scared she’ll toss you away like one of her little toys too? Blood bound the two of us together, and it wasn’t enough. Who are you to be any different?”

Something in him snapped, and Canderous bared his teeth. The words spilled from his mouth quietly but with all the force of a dagger. “Yours was the only face she remembered when she had amnesia. The only face she drew over and over when she had the time, the one memory the Jedi Council couldn’t recreate. Then Malak lied- told her you were dead, and I saw her die a little bit too. He told Ash that she killed you, and she nearly destroyed herself because of what she thought she’d done to you. You. Her baby sister.

I know what she did to you at Malachor, and I don’t claim to apologize for her. She made her choices as Revan, and she still plays her little games, but I had to watch the woman I love shatter into a million little pieces before my eyes. So you forgive her or you don’t, that’s your decision- but don’t you dare tell me she doesn’t care about you.”

His voice shook slightly-in his fury, his pain- and he cursed himself for it. But Kat just stared at him. Frozen. Emotions he couldn’t read warring across her face.

Force, they look so much alike.

Canderous kept his gaze steady. “Just... consider it. Your choices from then on are your own. But you should know. Despite what she’s done, she’s never stopped loving you.”

She tore her eyes away without a sound, striding towards the door.

“Think about it, Katyan.”

Kat hesitated, her back stiff and straight, but she refused to look at him Her tone was bitter and bone-weary and barely masked the tears Canderous knew were there.

“We’ll see.”

(It wasn’t a no.)