#otherwise happy tuesday and I hope you have a few days off if you live in a majority christian country

[catsundmaus]

Fröhliche Weihnachten allen die feiern. Allen anderen schönen Dienstag und hoffentlich freie Feiertage!

[bakuliwrites]

M6 Proposing to MC

Hi everyone! So I decided I would repost some of my favorite headcanons from my old blog. Sorry if you've seen these already, but I just wanted to have them up on my Tumblr (in addition to where they are on AO3). Just as a heads up: I do not take requests. Hope you enjoy :) As with all my headcanons: Apprentice/MC is gender-neutral unless otherwise specified. This isn't new content, just organizing my new blog and transferring stuff from my old one. This will be part of headcanon Tuesday on my blog.

You and Asra have been together for a long time now, long enough where people just sort of assume you're already married. You live together, you run your shop together, you travel together, and so on. Nothing has really been stopping you, it's just that the two of you have been so busy these last few years. Asra really wants to make it official with you, though. You're the absolute love of his life. He hardly remembers a time before you. You've been on a great many journeys together, but he wants to go on even more. So he starts planning...

One evening, when you close up shop, Asra tells you he has a special surprise waiting for you. He's got that mischievous glint in his eye that he always gets when he's up to something. You can't help but laugh as Asra instructs you to wear something that you'd wear to the beach ("Like a swimsuit?" you ask, skeptically. The smirk on Asra's face grows wider and he shrugs, "I don't know. Whatever you wear to the beach." So helpful, Asra)

Asra guides you down to the shoreline, but doesn't stop there. He keeps going until you get to this secluded little cove. From here, you can see the far off lights of Vesuvia twinkling under a dark, velvet sky. Asra lets you pause to take in the view before beckoning you to follow him again. He leads you into a small cave, pitch black at its entrance. You're about to ask him where on earth he's leading you when all of a sudden you're met with bursts of magic like tiny fireworks and glowing mist swirling gently above and around you. Asra smiles softly at you, that impish glint growing brighter with each step you take.

The cave leads out to a small alcove that opens up onto the water. It's absolutely gorgeous. It's like you can see the whole ocean from here. It's here that Asra sets up a small picnic for you, filled with all your favorite foods and desserts and drinks! "MC, will you lay out the blanket for me? I have to grab something from the basket," he asks. You don't think much of it, though there's something a bit strange in his voice. When you're finished with your task, you whirl around and there's Asra, on one knee, holding out a beautiful, bohemian style ring. "MC, you have my heart, and always will. We've been on all kinds of journeys together. But I want to go on even more with you. I wanted to know if you'd like to share all of life's many adventures with me?" His voice is calm but his hands are shaking. And when you say yes, happy tears stream down his face. He slips the ring on your finger before crashing his lips into yours. Asra is utterly delighted💜

Nadia has been a bit wary of marriage since her first one turned out so poorly. But with you, everything's different. She's ecstatic, actually, to marry you and has been planning her proposal for basically an eternity now. She wants it to go just right. She has checklists, plans, spreadsheets, and so on for this proposal (none that you're privy to, she keeps them very well hidden). She almost had a heart attack one day when you walked into her office while she was working out some bugs in her plans (though she kept her cool so well, you didn't even notice).

The day she's planning to propose to you, however, everything goes wrong. The florist brings the wrong flowers (Nadia had specifically asked for orchids, but they brought white roses and she shudders, thinking of Lucio). All of the musicians she had in her string quartet canceled, except for the bassist (she sighs, supposing you could have a good background beat when she proclaims her undying love for you). And to top it all off, it's pouring rain (she was planning on proposing out on the veranda, under the pinks and oranges of a beautiful sunset, but alas). She's not upset, just extremely disappointed. All that planning and for what? No matter, she'll simply have to switch gears, she tells herself calmly (but she is anything but calm).

She sends everybody home (florist, bassist, caterers, and so on). When you enter the palace, you're practically drenched from your walk from your shop. Nadia is waiting for you, prepared with a towel and warm tea (or cocoa, whatever you prefer). She directs you to one of the many fireplaces and sits you down on a chaise lounge. You beg her to come snuggle up beside you, excited to have her all to yourself that evening, but she simply stands before you, fidgety and anxious looking. She's acting strangely, her crimson eyes hardly able to make contact with you. "Nadia, what's wrong?" you venture, and all of a sudden, Nadia freezes like she's just seen a ghost. You've never seen her this worked up before. It's quite alarming, actually!

You open your mouth to say something more, worry furrowing your brows, when all of a sudden, Nadia takes a deep breath. She kneels down to the ground in front of you and takes both your hands in hers. Her air of calm returns and soothes you out of your initial concern. "MC," she begins in her dulcet tone, "I'd planned out this- elaborate evening for us and, of course, I was thwarted," she laughs a little, her smile crinkling the corner of her eyes, "It's a long story, but suffice to say, just having you here, snuggling up by the fire together- well, I'd say that's a pretty perfect evening, in and of itself. So I'll take this perfect moment to ask you..." She pulls something out from the pocket of her dress. It's a square, velvet box that she opens, revealing an elegant, sparkling ring. "MC, will you marry me?" She holds her breath, watching your stunned face as you go through a thousand different emotions at once (all of them good). When you say yes, she exhales, tears falling gently down her cheeks as she slips the ring on your finger and presses her lips tenderly to yours 💜

Julian (oh, Julian). He's probably been carrying a ring around in his pocket for months now, waiting for the right time to propose to you, but too nervous to do it. You fluster him like no one else does. Every time he thinks he's found the right moment, a little seed of worry stops him (what if you say no? what if you say absolutely no? what if you just look at him like he's crazy and say nothing? what if he drops the ring???). Literally nothing is stopping him, except his own anxiety about how he thinks you could potentially maybe possibly react.

The two of you are wandering the streets of Vesuvia one afternoon, hopping from market to market, looking for some ingredients. There's nothing really special about today, but when Julian looks at you, he feels his heart just swell with adoration. This was the day, he thinks. The time is right. But he wants to do it somewhere a little more private, a little less hectic. So Julian directs you to that garden the two of you once hid from the guards in. "What are we doing here?" you question, raising a perplexed eyebrow at him. He merely smirks, waggling his eyebrows in return, "You'll see." He tells you there's something interesting about one of the statues and directs you to take a look at it. You acquiesce, with a bit of hesitance, but Julian is Julian, so him acting sort of weird like this isn't that much of a surprise. It's obviously all a ploy so he can distract you while he pulls out the ring.

So, of course, now that it's the right moment and Julian feels a swell of confidence, he realizes, Good God, I've lost the ring. He could've sworn it was in his coat pocket. Like, it was there yesterday, wasn't it? He's frantically patting himself down, feeling every inch of his coat, his pants. He even looks in his boots. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Did it fall out last night at the Rowdy Raven? Was he pickpocketed? Was there a hole in his pocket? What on earth was he to do now that he didn't have the ring? He whirls around, looking frantically for something circular he might be able to use as a replacement until he finds it again. And then he wonders if he should just hold off?

"Hey, Julian, honey," your voice pipes up from behind him, startling the poor man out of his thoughts. He's even more alarmed (and embarrassed) when he turns around and sees you holding up the little black box that was storing your ring. "I think you dropped this," you say, trying everything in your power to not burst into giggles, "It was on the ground right in front of you." Of course it was. You hand the box over to Julian and with a small smile add, "I'll pretend I didn't see it." You give him a small peck on the cheek before turning back to the statue he'd directed you to. Loudly and overenthusiastically, you exclaim how interesting the statue is, allowing Julian to pull himself together. With a renewed wave of confidence, Julian kneels to the ground. "MC?" he begins, gaining your attention again. You whirl around, a knowing smile tugging at your lips as you’re greeted by Julian's blushing face. "I know I've rightly fumbled this proposal," he laughs, his eyes already glimmering with tears, "But you've turned this salty old dog into a bumbling, flustered, happy mess. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you be the captain to my first mate?" You burst out laughing, and Julian's heart stops in his chest. "Of course!" you cry, practically throwing yourself into his arms. His worry is quickly forgotten as he slips a timeless, antique ring on your finger and captures your lips in his 💜

Portia is quite good at keeping secrets, so while the two of you have discussed getting married, she absolutely does not let on about her plans of proposing to you. You are totally in the dark about them, much to her delight. She has the perfect thing planned for the two of you! She goes out shopping for everything she needs for a romantic dinner at her cottage. She even manages to subtly find out from you what kind of ring you'd want. The night before she plans to propose to you, she's so giddy, she can hardly sleep!

The next morning, she lets you sleep for however long you need to (but not too late, she's got a schedule to keep to!). Once you've gotten ready for the day, Portia takes you out to go on an adventure! Since you both have the day off, it's time to do some exploring. She won't tell you where you're going, though. "You'll just have to trust me!" she winks, taking your hand in hers and bounding off towards town. The two of you start in the markets, where you first met. Portia describes to you how positively adorable she thought you were on your first meeting. She'd spilled all those pomegranates everywhere, but you were so kind to help her pick them all up! She was taken with you immediately.

Portia takes you on an entire tour of Vesuvia, stopping at all the places that are significant to you, and even places you just pass every day that you hadn't even realized carried so much meaning. With each stop, she describes something important about your relationship with her. "It was here that we had our first kiss, and there that we first danced. Oh! And here's where that guy tried to pickpocket you-" But you cut in to finish the story, bubbling with laughter, "And you started threateningly waving that basket at him! The look on his face! He was so scared of you, Portia." The two of you double over with laughter. Once you calm down, you start walking back to Portia's cottage. "Why are you doing all of this today?" you question, smiling gently and feeling a bit confused. Portia shrugs, cryptically responding with, "Just feeling a bit nostalgic, I guess."

The sky is bright with the colors of the sunset when you finally return to the cottage. As you're about to enter, Portia whirls around and exclaims, "Oh! Can you grab one of those yellow squash from the garden? I need it for our dinner tonight!" You head back towards the garden, not even an inkling of suspicion in your mind. You spot the best looking, ripest squash in the bunch and start to tug and twist at its stem when you notice something glinting on one of the curly vines shooting off of it. It's a ring, you realize as you pick it up, and quite a lovely looking one, too! It's bright and colorful. You turn to call to Portia, wanting to share your discovery with her, but when you whirl around, she's already kneeling before you, a bright beam on her face. She giggles at your flabbergasted look and says, "MC, this is where I want us to make our home. Well, our home we can come back to in between adventuring. But I've also realized that no matter where we go, I think I've found my home in you. Would you do me the honor of being my adventure companion, for life?" Before you can even say anything, Portia knows your answer by the way your eyes light up, but she waits for you to say it anyway. When you're finally able to speak, Portia slips the ring on your finger before pulling you into a tight embrace, pressing her lips fervently against yours 💜

Muriel wants to marry you so badly, but he's so worried about what you would say if he proposed to you. Do you even want to marry him? Is that something you've even thought about? Is that something you could even comprehend with him? He works himself up into an anxious mess, but he doesn't show it. But you've helped him discover how to be kinder to himself, to be more confident. He loves you with all of his heart and wants to spend the rest of his life making you happy.

Muriel sets to work immediately. He doesn't have any grand plans for your proposal, but only because he knows you'd each want something quiet. His first order of business is the ring. He decides he's going to craft it himself. Secretly, he gathers all his materials and works during times that you're out of the house. If he doesn't know how to shape metal or set a stone into a ring, he learns. He'll spend the rest of his life, learning and growing with you, and he's delighted. After he finishes the ring (and he's sure that it's absolutely perfect), he starts to practice what it is he's going to say. He sits in front of Inanna and goes through a variety of speeches he's worked out in his head. But absolutely none of them seem right. He fumbles over the words, starts to feel emotional when he delves into the intricacies of his love for you (why can't he stop crying when he talks about how grateful he is to have met you? how is he even going to propose at this rate?!).

Finally, Muriel settles on writing it down. He drafts a short, but sweet little proposal and rolls it up. He keeps it hidden somewhere you won't go looking and waits for the right opportunity to bring it out. Now there's the question of when he's going to propose. He wants the timing to be just right. But what would "just right" be? He could cook you a nice dinner and propose when you return from the shop one day. He could hide the ring in the chicken feed and wait for you to discover it while you're helping him feed them (but then there was the risk of accidentally feeding a chicken the ring, and the thought spooks him). Brainstorming practically keeps him up all night. And absolutely nothing he comes up with seems right.

The next morning, Muriel rises before you do. He's hardly slept, but he simply can't stay in bed any longer. The anxiety he's getting from trying to come up with the perfect proposal is just too much. He sits down at your breakfast table and sips at a mug of that lemon tea you bought him a few weeks ago. It's warm and citrusy and comforting. As he mulls over even more possibilities, he gazes across the room at your slumbering form. You look so peaceful and calm. He feels a swell of adoration for you, and suddenly, an idea occurs to him. He quietly calls Inanna over to him and enacts his plan. As the sun starts to stream through the windows of the hut, you groggily stretch and open your eyes. The first thing you see is Inanna padding over to the bed, carrying something gently in her mouth. "Good morning, Inanna. What's that you've got there?" you begin sleepily, reaching for whatever it is she has. It's a little wooden box with a small scroll attached to it. Curious, you unroll the piece of paper first. In Muriel's messy handwriting is written, "MC, you've shown me how to love myself. I hope to be able to show you how much I love you, too. For the rest of my life, I promise to cherish you. Will you marry me?" Speechless, you open up the wooden box. Inside is an intricately carved ring with a raw emerald in the center. You look up to see Muriel striding towards the bed, a blush spreading across his cheeks. You toss aside the covers and throw your arms around him. "Yes, Muriel! Yes!" you cry, happy tears streaming down both your face and his. He pulls you into a warm embrace and presses his lips tenderly to yours 💜

Lucio is incapable of keeping a secret, so you pretty much know that he's going to propose to you pretty soon. You've heard him (loudly) discussing it with his friends and attendants, trying to plan out the perfect day. You don't really hear the details, but you definitely know it's coming. Lucio is beside himself with glee during the planning process. He has so many ideas, it's actually hard for him to settle on just one.

First order of business is the ring, but he's pretty much got that covered right away. He's had it custom made and it's as elaborate and glamorous as possible. There's no way he's letting your elegant hands be tarnished by anything less than the best. Second order of business: the flowers. Your favorites, of course, and then a plethora of white roses. He wants bouquets upon bouquets. You have to be surrounded by flowers, wherever it is that he ends up proposing to you. Then there's the venue. The palace gardens? A yacht party? A masquerade ball? There are so many brilliant possibilities, can't he just do all of them? Lucio, after some talking down from some of the other M6, settles on the finest restaurant in Vesuvia (but he has some extra surprises in the day for you). He scores you the best seats in the house and makes all kinds of special requests for the menu.

The day of the proposal, you're awoken with breakfast in bed, and your first set of bouquets. Lucio is ecstatic, practically bouncing off the walls. He promises you a day of luxury and non-stop fun! It's all a bit overwhelming, but you can tell Lucio put a lot of work into trying to plan something elaborate and romantic for the two of you. There's a carriage ride around Vesuvia (with more flowers), a couples massage/spa day before a light lunch (and even more flowers), a hot air balloon ride in the evening (and even more flowers, did Lucio just massacre an entire field of flowers?). All the while, Lucio makes sure to tell you all the things he finds adorable about you and all the things he loves. "MC, I think you and I are the greatest couple in Vesuvia. No, this side of the continent. No! The whole entire world," he proclaims as you look out over the sprawling streets of the city from where you hover above in your hot air balloon. You simply laugh at all of his grandiose claims, laughs that Lucio silences with sneaky kisses.

Upon landing, you set out for your dinner. He really did score not only the most expensive and exclusive restaurant in Vesuvia, but the best seats in the house. You're seated on the balcony, overlooking the water below. The breeze is lovely and the sky is twinkling with starlight. Lucio has made arrangements for your meal already. They come in tiny tasting portions, but there's plenty of food so there's no need to worry about not getting enough. Over dessert, Lucio holds your hand, entwining his fingers with yours and staring rather impishly into your eyes. He wears a mischievous smirk and you have a feeling you know what's coming. So when the champagne arrives and you spot something glinting at the bottom of your glass, you're not surprised. But you are absolutely delighted. Lucio fishes the ring out for you (he struggles a bit trying to get the prongs of a fork to hook around the metal, but he manages). He looks confident, but his hands are trembling as he kneels down in front of you. "MC, I really mean it when I say I think we're the greatest couple in the world," he begins, smiling brightly up at you, his pale eyes twinkling, "Together, I think we can take it by storm. They won't know what hit 'em! Want to make us The official power couple of Vesuvia? No, the whole world!" His proposal is utterly ridiculous, so you can't help but laugh. "Yes, Lucio. Just promise me you don't actually have any plans of world domination," you laugh as Lucio slips the huge, sparkling ring on your finger. He shrugs, winking at you before lifting you up and twirling you around in his delight. He embraces you tightly and passionately ensnares your lips in his 💜

Bonus points if Lucio takes a swig out of the wrong glass and nearly chokes on the ring (because that is something he would totally do).

[letarasstuff]

Making the Voice quieter

(A/N): This was requested by an anon. I hope you like it!

Summary: Spencer finds out about his daughter's eating disorder, he will he react?

Warnings: Angst, discription of an eating disorder (bulemia to be more specific), discription of (binge) eating, bad body image, self hatred, abuse of pills (diet pills)

Wordcount: 2.2k

✨Masterlist✨

______________________________

Prison. Cat. Diana. All those things happened close to each other. Luckily a few months have passed since then and slowly everything settles down. Spencer is able to get his feelings sorted through, processing the events.

Ever since his imprisonment he follows a more or less strict routine, given the uncertainty coming with his job. Spencer still tries to keep it up. So is every Friday dedicated to buying the majority of groceries and needed non food articles.

Sometimes (Y/N) tags along, other days she already has plans with her friends. Her father doesn’t mind it much, he is happy to see her socializing with people her age. The two of them have one father-daughter-night in the week anyways.

“Sweetheart, I’m heading out! Did you put everything you need on the list?” He shouts into the apartment. A faint “Yes! Love you!” echoes back to him. A smile forms on the doctor’s face. Oh how he longed to hear those words from her every night while he laid in his bed, locked up for a crime he didn’t commit. “Alright, love you, too!”

Meanwhile her father has to deal with Karens being their ignorant selfs, (Y/N) is under the biggest stress she has ever been. The end of her sophomore year and suddenly every teacher thinks it’s alright to give the students a load of work in every single class.

It’s beginning to get to her head. Four essays, three projects and studying for two tests and everything is due next week. She can see herself sitting at that very desk for the whole weekend, trying to contain control of her current situation.

As (Y/N) begins to read the page in front of her again to pull any information from it, it feels like her brain shuts down. Only one thought possesses her. One thing that can assure her, make her happy again.

Her body moves automatically, into the kitchen to the fridge. Her hands grab what they can. Puddings, yogurts, bananas, apples, last night’s dinner, everything that she can carry. Then the teenager sits down at the floor and devours everything she just got out. (Y/N) doesn’t stop until she gets to this intense feeling of being full.

It seems like she snaps out of a trance. Upon seeing what she ate in the shortest time, the girl feels even worse. Quickly she tries to destroy any kind of evidence, getting the trash out, making the fridge appear more full than it is, anything.

In her panicked state she remembers the small container of pills in her room. Relief washes over (Y/N), thinking everything will be better. She takes two of them for good measurement.

With the relief also guilt takes over. What just happened wasn’t normal. But (Y/N) tells herself that she can stop any time she wants. It’s not like she is sick or something, everything is fine. It’s just her way to copy stress. A way she discovered while her father was in prison. The diet pills help her to undo her mistakes. Someone from her friend group, who is already 18, got her them from the doctor for a fair price.

Feeling calmer now, the teenager sits back at her desk. A new perception of control helps her to continue her school work. She has to get done as much as possible, because in not even half an hour (Y/N)’s best friend will be the toilet.

Spencer is completely obvious to it. Sure, he is a profiler and he noticed his daughter’s new view on eating healthy food and working out. He just assumes that (Y/N) and her friends are on a healthy trip and he doesn’t see a problem in this. On the contrary, he is happy that she wants to be good to herself and her body.

But as the weeks go on, a suspicious feeling captures him. “(Y/N)? Why is the fridge nearly empty? We got groceries last Friday and it’s only Tuesday. Did you have a party over here while I was away on the case?” Spencer enters his daughter’s room, trying to joke about it.

(Y/N) freezes. Of course she isn’t able to say that the food went bad and she threw them away, her father is meticulous regarding this subject, always checking the best before day date. “Uhm, please don’t be mad. But Alex, you know her, the short one with red hair, uhm her parents are on a business trip and she is not the best cook. So I brought her lunch and dinner over. I’m sorry for not telling you.” She looks down at the floor, not only to feign sadness but also to avoid his eyes.

The second the teenager talks Spencer knows there is something fishy. Her voice is higher and she fidget with her hands. But he writes it off as being nervous for not telling him. Ever since he is out of prison, it feels like his daughter is withholding something.

“It’s fine, Sweetheart. Just give me a heads-up beforehand, so I know to buy more groceries. What do you think about ordering something tonight? I heard from Luke that a small Chinese restaurant opened a few streets down. We can celebrate the end of the stressful phase in Sophomore year.”

It seems like (Y/N) is calculating something in her head. Spencer knows exactly what she thinks about. “You can forget about your calorie intake for one night. I see how much time you invest in living healthy, but we can let loose for a night together. Just some noodles with chicken or spring rolls and us trying to use chopsticks and giving up after two minutes and resorting to forks. How does that sound?”

The teenager would love to sigh, but it would only alarm her father further. “Yeah, you are right. Let us let loose. But only if I can choose the movie we watch after dinner!” (Y/N) feels bad for eating unhealthy food again. Her last binge was only yesterday and usually she tries to consume lighter things. But she has to bite into the sour apple, else her father will be more suspicious. After all, she can just stop. (Y/N) promises herself to not think about her weight, her shape or the calories she will eat.

Well yeah, no. Just after the first noodle hits her tongue, intrusive thoughts take a seat in her mind, getting settled.

‘You already look like a potato.’

‘Are you sure this is the right thing to eat?’

‘Can you really stop?’

‘Dad is going to hate you when he finds out.’

All of them and more enter her head. (Y/N) is unable to shake them off. She is fine. She doesn’t have a problem. She just doesn’t feel like eating now, that’s fine, right?

“Uhm Dad. I’m full and really tired from the day. Is it ok if I go to bed? Maybe we can rain check on that movie?” The girl asks, feeling even worse for ditching her father. Usually it’s the other way around.

“Are you feeling ok? You look a little pale. Are you sick?” Spencer fires his question canone being the borderline helicopter father he always is. “Yes, just really exhausted from all the assignment and school work. A good night's rest and I will be good as new.” (Y/N) attempts a small smile, but fails miserably at it.

“Ok, sleep tight baby. I’ll put the leftovers in the fridge for you tomorrow.” Quickly she goes into her room. The thoughts in her head scream louder and louder with each step she takes. Can she really stop? Maybe she should come clean to her father.

‘And risking him hating you? Look at you, thinking you are sane is the only thing keeping him from abandoning you. How would you explain him keeping you otherwise? It’s definitely not for your looks.’

Later that night, (Y/N) hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep because of the voices, she makes her way back to the kitchen. In an attempt to distract herself, the teenager scrolled through her social media sites. There she was met by pictures of perfect people.

Perfect bodies. Perfect lives. Perfect smiles. Perfect family. Perfect friends. Everything about them is perfect.

And then there is her. Her body is unperfect. Her life is a mess. Her smile is not that of a model. Her family is just her, her father and the people he works with. Her friends aren’t always the best associates.

The stress of not feeling enough is getting to (Y/N)’s head. Like several times before that her body goes into auto. She doesn’t control her movements, though she tells herself all of this is willently.

Like so many times before the girl goes through the fridge and eats everything up she can get her fingers on. But this time one thing is different. Her father is at home. And he isn’t a heavy sleeper.

The movement in the kitchen wakes him up. Immediately his brain jumps to a burglar or even worse, an UnSub they once arrested coming after him. Quickly he gets his revolver and sneaks through the hallway to the source of the noises. As Spencer only sees his daughter sitting there, he instantly relaxes.

“Hey Sweetheart, what are you doing up? It’s a school night”, he softly asks in order to not scare her. Still, (Y/N) gets startled at the sudden voice.

“Uhm, nothing much. Just hungry. Probably because I didn’t eat dinner”, she explains, looking at her father like he caught her with her hand stuck in the cookie jar. Spencer watches her closely. “This is it? Because from what it looks like you not only ate your dinner but also tomorrow’s breakfast and right now lunch.”

(Y/N) swallows her bite, feeling that sinking reality in her stomach. The pills. She needs the pills fast before her body begins to digest the food. “Uhm, yeah. I probably should go to bed. I need my sleep. Just let me tidy up. Good night, Dad.” But he is quick to stop her.

“(Y/N), I want you to sit down. There is something we have to talk about.” Hesitantly (Y/N) takes a seat. “What is it Dad? Are you reprimanding me for eating? I thought you wanted me to let loose for a night.”

Spencer sits, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Baby, I want you to be alright. But I think you are not.” His eyes get a sad look. “I’m alright. I am fine, Dad. What do you think is wrong with me?”

“Look, (Y/N), I don’t need to be a profiler to see that you are struggling with something. Do you want to tell me about it?” Her answer is a tight lipped smile and a “I’m fine. There is nothing to talk about.”

The father sighs. She is not leaving him much of a choice. “And what about them?” Spencer asks after getting something from the highest shelf in the kitchen, the one (Y/N) barely reaches by stepping on a stool. He sets a little container down on the table.

“Dad I-�� “No (Y/N). You don’t need to explain anything. It’s my turn to talk. I found those in your room yesterday while I was looking for a book. At first I thought nothing of it, I mean you are trying to live healthy, so I thought this is part of the process. But then I saw that they have to be prescribed and I know that these aren’t yours.

“I wanted to talk about it with you anyway. But now I know that I caught you binge eating and I see all the signs. I see them and I’m sorry for not acting sooner. (Y/N), you need help and I’m here for you. I know the last few months were especially hard on you. I can’t change what was and what happened, but I will be here for you now." Tears stream down on boths their faces.

(Y/N) is stammering for words. “I-I am fine. I can stop anytime I want. Th-this was a conscious d-decision.” Her father envelops her in a hug, cradling her head to his chest. She begins to sob.

“I know, Sweetheart. It’s hard and it won’t get easier from here on, but I’m here. You know you can’t stop, it’s only an illusion your eating disorder wants you to believe. But we get through it together. You, I and the team if you want to. We take it at your pace.” By now the two are crying loudly.

“I want it to stop, Dad. Please make the voice go away.”

He can’t make it go away. No one can. But Spencer helps to quiet it. Together they tackle the disorder, through the good and the bad times. He takes off from work for a time and (Y/N) out of school for a few weeks to be able to work on it together, to make the voice quieter and her life better.

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Criminal Minds:

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[thelaundrybitch]

Little Blue Hearts Update - Chapter 23

Happy Tuesday Turtle Doves!

I hope you are all doing well!

This week's chapter is a bit of a filler, but it's necessary. Plus I think we need a little fun after last week 👀😂😘

I hope you all enjoy!

18+ content - for mature audiences only!

Reblogs only, please!

Little Blue Hearts cover art by the lovely @leosgirl82

Caught

~Michelangelo~

It's pretty late - a little after midnight. 

The ladies talked forever on chat. They also decided they needed to have a drink together.  

Which turned into drinks…

Which turned into their entire boxes of wine.

They were absolutely adorable, though.

They talked about all their good ol' times and had a few emotional moments. *Nana* came up a lot. 

Liv told Ashley she couldn't wait to come and visit, and Ashley told her she needs to visit soon. 

There were smiles and laughter. There was an overwhelming number of proclamations of love and 'I miss you's'. 

But my personal favorite was the phenomenal amount of explicit language that would make even a sailor blush. Pretty sure they set a new record for how many times 'fuck' could be said in one sitting. 

They are 100% BFFLs.

It was actually really nice to see Ashley relaxed, and in her element; and I thought it was great getting a sample of raw, unadulterated Liv. 

She's a fucking riot. 

Sass and sarcasm to the stars and back, wit that will definitely put Donnie to shame, and Dad jokes for days. 

An absolute hero on the comedian front. Raph's gonna love her. 

Ashley was amazing, too! You know, per usual... But seriously, she totally improvved. 

She could tell my brother wanted to get another look at Liv, so she brought her phone to the roof so Liv could *get a view of the city at night*. My baby girl flipped her phone camera to share the view with Liv and gave it to Lovesick Leo so he had a chance to ogle some more.

His eyes were so glued to the phone screen that I had to remind him to blink. 

And breathe! It's like his brain just stopped functioning while he watched her.

In all honesty, though, I'm really glad we gave Leo his moment to come undone before meeting her. It would've been a total disaster if he had waited for the in-person meeting. 

Although, it would've been completely hilarious to see Mr cool, calm, and collected lose his shit in front of a woman. I couldn't do that to him, though. He deserves better.

We are currently on our way back to the lair- me, Ashley, and Leo. And I'm positive that Leo has lost his ever-loving mind. He is on cloud-fucking-nine. Seriously, I've never seen my brother like this. He's bouncing back and forth between talking a mile a minute, to staring off into the abyss like a fricken space cadet - complete with that goony-goo-goo expression. 

You know the one. 

Cartoon characters get it when an anvil gets dropped on their head.

And Ashley thinks it's hilarious. She's really thrilled that he's reeling about Liv. She said Liv is gonna lose her shit when she meets Leo, too. Apparently, Liv has had a hardcore crush, and the hots like no one's business, for Leo for a long-assed time. Like, since high school. Which I'm still trying to wrap my head around.

He is one lucky bastard - and he doesn't even know it. 

I've been sworn to secrecy about it, though. Otherwise, I was told I won't get my "midnight snack" for a loooong time - if you know what I mean. So, Leo will definitely stay in the dark about this, because Mikey likey his nightly Ashley snackie.

Anyway, I've been trying to snap Leo out of his love-drunk stupor, because Donnie's gonna know exactly what happened, and I'm not sure I wanna be part of World War III.

"Oh, hey guys!" Comes Donnie's voice as we reach the opening of the lair. 

Shit.

"Hey, bro!" I say, trying to act as casual as possible, probably failing miserably.

"How was your live chat with Liv?" He asks Ashley. 

Both Leo and I freeze, our eyes wide, turning to Ashley simultaneously, and looking guilty as fuck.

"Great! It was so amazing to see her and hear her voice! Gosh, I really can't wait for her to get here!" She gushes.

Leo looks at me, horrified, giving me the WTF look. I give him a quick shrug with my eyebrow ridge and we both turn back to look at Donnie.

Donnie is still completely engrossed in conversation with Ashley, "Well, I was thinking that since my research and security monitoring has gone so well for the last few months, why don't we start planning for her to come sometime in October? That gives us a couple of months to get everything in order down here," he says. "It also gives you some time to start talking to her on a regular basis again, so it won't seem so out of the ordinary when you ask her to visit you."

Ashley squeals and jumps into Donnie's arms for an overly excited hug. "Thank you so much, Don. I really appreciate the work you put in to help me get her here," she whispers, stepping back and giving him a heartfelt smile.

"I gotta know, though," Donnie says with a kind smile, "What did she send you? That box was hella heavy when I put it into your apartment for you earlier today after it had been delivered. The poor mail carrier!" he teases.

"Oh yeah! Sorry!" She giggles. It was a bunch of things from our childhood. Some pictures. A couple of books and artwork. Things that have sentimental value to both of us," Ashley tells him. "Liv said she knows how hard it is being alone, because she's lonely too - so she sent me a love package,"  she says, looking at the box lovingly, then looking up to give Donnie a small, sad smile.

"That's really great of her," he says. "How does she seem to be doing? She's lonely?" He asks.

Well, she puts up a brave front and was honestly happy to see me open my package, but I could see the sadness. Her eyes speak volumes if you watch her closely," she says, her pretty smile quickly turning into a frown.

"She was totally cool by the end of the conversation though! After tonight's shenanigans with Ash, here!" I pipe in, hoping to get a smile back on Ashley's face.

"Well that's good," he says. "I'm glad that all of you had a fun night. With Liv. Together." He says, his voice sounding a bit annoyed.

"Yep, we had a few drinks, some pizza, and lots of laughs," I say, recognizing the passive-aggressive change in my brother's words. I knew I needed to take the focus off my girlfriend, and get her out of there, now. I put my arm around Ashley and slipped her by Donnie,  giving her eyes to go to the bedroom to escape the inevitable showdown.

After she's passed Donnie, she runs on her tiptoes to the safety of our bedroom hall, and I turn back around to face my older brothers.

"Well that's good to hear," he says, as he looks Leo dead in the eyes...

And three

Two

One

Leo shifts uncomfortably under Donnie's death glare.

"Did you have a nice night Leo?" He asks.

Little Blue Hearts Master list HERE

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*If you aren’t on this list, please let me know if you want me to tag you in my other work or if you prefer me to not tag you 😘

[emmyhem]

it’s about time (l.r.h)

a/n: hi again! first of all i want to say thank you for the support on “seven things” it means the world. secondly, my requests are open and i’d be happy to write something for you. this is a jealous bff!luke imagine i wanted to get up this weekend, i didn’t do a very thorough edit before posting so hopefully there aren’t any typos. i am working on the request for a lashton x reader love triangle piece right now and will hopefully have it up by monday or tuesday. thank you, i hope you enjoy - emmy :) 

pairing: luke hemmings x reader 

summary: being best friends with the guy you’re in love with is extremely taxing especially when you have to watch him be with another girl all night. just when you’ve finally had enough of waiting around for him he ruins your plans for moving on. 

warnings: alcohol, using alcohol as a coping mechanism, slight angst, jealous luke, mentions of throwing up, cursing, luke’s a bit of an asshole. 

word count: 3.3k

“God, could they get a room?” you scoffed leaning into Calum as you watched your best friend practically eat his date’s face from across the club. 

“Jealous are we y/n?” Calum laughed slinging an arm over your shoulder. 

“No, just utterly disgusted.” you said before slamming back your fourth shot of tequila.

 That was a lie, you were jealous. You were so insanely jealous that you could scream. 

Luke had met his date, Hannah at the studio last week. She was new, working at the front desk. She had caught Luke’s eye the second she walked in the room with a bright confident smile, and a flirty look in her eye. Luke had asked her out the next day and was practically giddy when she accepted. 

And that’s how they ended up in the corner of the club, Luke’s hands tangled in her hair, and her tongue down his throat. All the while you were trying to not look bitter, and distracting yourself with one too many drinks. 

It wasn’t a new routine. You couldn’t count how many times you’ve had to sit back and watch a girl way prettier than you, be in the exact position that you would quite literally die to be in, with your best friend of 4 years. And somehow it seemed to hurt more each time, which meant more drinks for you. 

As you felt the familiar and comforting burn of your fifth shot of the night slide down your throat Calum shot you a knowing look. 

“Maybe you should slow down there, kid.” 

You rolled your eyes and took his Corona from his hands using it as a chaser. 

“Corona girl?” you heard from behind you. When you turn, your eyes meet a pretty pair of green ones (you still preferred Luke’s blue, but what the hell). 

“Tequila girl.” you clarified. 

“Respect.” the man said, extending a strong tattooed hand. “I’m Austin.” 

“Y/n” you said, shaking his hand. You glanced over your shoulder at Calum who was now engaged in a conversation with Mikey and Ashton beside you. 

“Pretty name, pretty girl.” he smirked. “So, can I get you a tequila?” 

You giggled, happy for a distraction from Luke.

“You can get me a margarita, on the rocks.” 

“Deal.” 

The two of you chatted as you sipped on your drink, mind getting hazier with each sip. And you don’t know if it was the alcohol or your determination to get Luke off your mind but Austin was really, really hot. 

“Do you wanna dance with me?” you asked before you had a chance to convince yourself otherwise. You were never really a dance in public kind of girl, normally the closest you got to showing your moves on the dancefloor was Just Dance in Luke’s living room. 

“Absolutely.” Austin replied, sliding an arm around your waist to lead you to the dancefloor. 

The bass beat shook the floor as the two of you made your way to the middle of the club. As you stopped you realized you had absolutely no idea what to do. You never did stuff like this. You can’t even remember the last time you went on a date, let alone danced to sleazy house music with a stunning stranger. You glanced around you hoping to follow the lead of the more experienced dancers around you.

 A redhead to your right swung her hips, inching closer to her partner's body with each movement until she was pressed directly to his chest. 

“Seems like a good place to start” you mumbled to yourself. 

The second your hips were in movement Austin’s hands gripped them strongly guiding your movements closer and closer to him. As the beat built and your movements slowed to a teasingly slow pace his grip tightened causing your tight white dress to bunch up on your thighs. 

With the alcohol in your bloodstream and Austin’s breath on the back of your neck you nearly forgot about Luke and your perpetual sadness, that is until you locked eyes with him from across the room. 

Hannah was tucked under his arm sipping on her drink, but his gaze was locked on you, he had an unrecognizable look on his face, and a jaw clenched so hard you feared he would break his teeth. 

You took him staring as the perfect opportunity to spin around, inches away from Austin’s face looking up at him through your lashes. His pupils were blown a bit, eyes filled with lust. He was practically breathing into your mouth. You will yourself to just kiss him. It’s not like you were Luke’s girl you thought, so you started to lean in. 

As Austin placed his hand on the back of your neck you felt someone grab your arm tugging you out of Austin’s grip. 

“Y/n”  Luke appeared next to you.

“Is there a problem man?” Austin said grabbing one of your hands. 

Luke rolled his eyes with a sly grin on his face, “Cal wants to talk to you.” he said to you not breaking eye contact with the pissed off guy in front of you. 

“I’m a bit busy.” you said annoyance brewing in you as you ripped your arm out of Luke’s hand. “Can it wait?” 

“Nope, said it was important.” he said nonchalantly “Better go find him.” 

You internally groaned, “I’ll be right back.” you said leaning in to peck Austin’s cheek. 

“Y/n, C’mon!” Luke shouted over the music. 

“Fine!” you groaned leaving Luke and Austin behind you as you scanned the bar for Calum. 

After searching for a few minutes you saw him in a booth with Ashton, and Michael talking and laughing. 

“Calum,” you called. He glanced up at you waving a hand above his hand. You slid into the booth next to him, your patience growing thin. 

“What is it?” you said. 

“What?” he said, confusion spreading across his face. 

“Luke said you needed to talk to me, what’s up?” 

Calum’s eyebrows tugged together glancing at the other guys. 

“I haven’t talked to Luke since we got here.” 

You rolled your eyes and turned to the corner across the room where Luke had Hannah pressed up against the wall. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you said out loud, rubbing your temple in frustration. 

Ashton gave you a sympathetic smile and glanced at Michael who was practically sleeping on Cal’s shoulder. 

“Maybe we should head out.” he said motioning to the drunk mess that was the three of you. 

“No” Calum whined, dragging out the oh sound. “y/n was about to get some.” he teased poking your side. 

“Just take him home, y/n/n.” Michael groaned, not even opening his eyes. 

You pondered the idea, you never did stuff like this. But Austin was hot, and Luke was preoccupied. To say the least.

“I could take him home.” you say aloud trying to convince yourself. 

“Then do it.” Calum challenged. 

“I will.” you stated proudly. “You guys get Luke. Ash, you get the uber, and Austin and I will meet you at the door. “ you gave a quick nod to the boys and went to get Austin. 

Austin stood exactly where you left him on the dance floor. 

“Thank god you’re back. I-“ 

Before he had a chance to finish, you crashed your lips onto his. He quickly fell into the kiss moving his hand to the small of you back. Before it went any further you pulled apart about an inch, and spoke into his mouth, 

“Come back to my apartment?” 

“Absolutely.” he said an excited smile growing on his face.

When the two of you made it to where your group was struggling to stand by the door Luke pulled apart from Hannah, looking Austin up and down. His eyes stopping where your hands were interlocked. 

“Love, a word?” he slurred, nodding his head away from the group. 

You walked with him just outside the door. 

“What’s up?” 

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean with this guy, what are you doing with him?” 

“Um, taking him home with me?” you said confused. 

“You can’t do that.” 

“Who says?” anger began building as you looked up at him. 

“Uh, me I guess. You know nothing about him.” 

This caused you to scoff, a laugh passing your lips, “And you do a background check on every girl you take home with you?” 

“That’s different,” he alleged. 

“And how’s that?” your patience was growing thin, and you could feel this conversation sobering you up. 

“I don’t know y/n, you're just not one night stand material.” 

Okay, ouch. Tears began to prick at your waterline. 

“Go to hell.” you breathed, pushing past him. 

“No, y/n/n. You know that’s not what I meant. C’mon love, hey I’m sorry.” he called after you. 

As you approached the group, holding back tears, you took a glance at Austin in front of you and realized that no matter how hot he was you really didn’t even want this. How could you when you were head over heels in love with your asshole of a best friend.

 But it was too late now, you would do it. Even if it was wrong. Even if you didn’t want to. Even if it was just to spite Luke. 

“Ready to head out?” you questioned aloud, swallowing your hurt. 

“Yep, uber just got here.” Ashton confirmed, guiding a hammered Calum and Michael out the door. 

You all climbed into the Uber X Ashton had ordered, Luke, Hannah, and Calum in the back, Ashton in the passenger seat, and Michael, Austin, and you in the middle. 

As you pulled away from the club, Ashton spoke over the light music coming from the car radio and gave the driver Luke’s address. The group had made plans to all spend the night at Luke’s, like you typically did after a night out. 

“We have one more stop actually” you choked out, feeling Austin lean into you, lips attaching to your neck. 

You gave the man your address and turned your attention back to the sexually charged man glued to your side. As he moved his kisses up to your jaw you closed your eyes, in order to prevent yourself from breaking down. The constant reminder that Luke had no interest in you, being thrown in your face as Hannah released soft sighs behind you. 

Ashton glanced back at you from the front seat, 

“You feeling okay, kid?” he asked. 

You nodded gulping, and looked up at the ceiling to deter your threatening tears. 

His eyes narrowed in concern as he adjusted his body in his seat so he was looking you in the eyes. Luke turned his attention away from Hannah (much to her despair) to the front of the car as Ashton spoke.

“Y/n, you sure? Maybe you and your friend should continue this another night.” Ashton suggested, noticing how you had tensed up and your expression had faltered since entering the car.

 Austin pulled off of you and shot him a frustrated glare from his seat. Ashton raised his eyebrows in response, silently challenging Austin to confront him. 

Austin moved in centimeters from your ear, “Your friends are kind of cockblocks.” he complained. 

You tilted your head away from him and looked out the window Michael was sitting next to.

“Maybe they’re right.” you muttered. “Maybe you should just go home, and we can do this some other time. I’m not feeling well.” 

You kept your gaze directed outside of the car, too afraid to see his reaction to your sudden rejection. 

“Your kidding right?” he scoffed. 

You were becoming more anxious by the second as he rambled on about how you must be joking. 

“I’m not laughing.” Luke interrupted flatly.  

“Okay, what’s your deal man?” Austin’s demeanor had quickly changed as he turned to face Luke, aggression clear in his face. 

Luke held his hands in the air before resting them on the back of your seat. “No deal, she’s just clearly not interested, so maybe you could give her some space.” 

Calum and Michael perked up in their seats as the mood in the car shifted. In the front Ashton was talking to the driver, explaining how you would be getting dropped off with the rest of them. 

Austin was in a confrontational mood now, one that made you uneasy. He and Luke continued to bicker back and forth. Hannah sat confused and aggravated next to Luke.

 You were seconds away from crumbling, feeling extremely upset and overwhelmed. Michael placed a hand on your shoulder, hoping to ease some of your distress as you pulled into Luke’s driveway. 

Everyone got out of the car, leaving Austin stirring in his own anger. Ashton patted the top of the car twice before it drove away.

“Well, y/n you sure know how to pick em’” Luke commented. 

Calum shot him a disapproving look as you shoved past, running inside. 

You had officially reached your breaking point. You couldn’t have Luke but you were in too deep to be with anyone else. Not to mention the fact that Luke seemed to be taking pleasure in your misfortune for the night. 

You went straight for the bathroom. All the alcohol and confrontation hadn’t been kind to your stomach. 

You hunched over the toilet and began throwing up before you even got the chance to close the door all the way. Your eyes were red and stinging from your tears and your throat was stripped raw. Hugging your knees to your chest you sat with your back against the sink. 

Three soft knocks came from the cracked door and you peered up through cloudy eyes to see Ashton looking at you with pity clear on his face. 

“Can I come in?” 

You nodded into your knees, staring down at the familiar tiles of Luke’s bathroom. 

You couldn’t count how many times you had been in this exact spot. Whether it be dealing with the consequences of your unhealthy coping mechanism after a night out like you were now. Early mornings after sleeping over, sitting in the steam while Luke showered because he just couldn’t wait to tell you a story, or late nights he would convince you to paint his nails. All of it was replaying in your head. 

“Why can’t he just love me the way I love him?” you whimpered as a sob broke from your throat. 

Ashton was quick to wrap his arms around you, taking a seat on the floor. 

“It’s okay, y/n.” he shushed. “You’re okay. 

“I love him, Ash” your voice muffled from being pressed to his shoulder. 

“I know.” he comforted you, rocking your frame lightly. You sat in silence for a bit, trying to control your breathing. 

By the time you left the bathroom Calum and Michael were asleep on the couch and Luke and Hannah had gone to Luke’s room. Ashton laid on the couch with the other guys and you made your way to the guest room, falling asleep the second your head hit the pillow.   

You woke up early with a throbbing headache and an insatiable craving for iced coffee. There was no doubt in your mind that you were first one awake, the guys wouldn’t be up for hours. You tiptoed through the living room past a sleeping Michael, Calum, and Ashton being careful not to wake them. As you turned the corner to leave you heard a voice from the kitchen, 

“Morning,” Luke called, his gravelly voice making it very clear he had just woken up. He was leaning on the cabinet in a pair of sweats, a cup of coffee in hand. 

“Oh, you’re up.” you responded still moving towards the door. 

“Going somewhere?” he questioned walking towards you. 

“Yea I gotta go, I have uh…” your mind was drawing a blank. “ya know,  laundry.” 

“Wait,” he sprung forward in two big steps grabbing your shoulder. “as urgent as that sounds, I wanna talk.”

“‘bout what?” 

“I feel like I should apologize for last night.” 

“It’s okay, we can talk about it later. I really gotta get going.” 

“Y/n! Will you let me say sorry, please?” he pleaded 

“You have.” you replied nodding at him before turning away once again. 

“Fine, then can I ask why you tried to take someone home last night. You never do that.” 

“No reason.” you lied, opening the front door. 

“Really? Cause Cal said something last night about you being jealous or something and then I went to check on you and I overheard-” 

“I gotta go.” you panicked, taking a step outside. 

Right before the door swung closed and you made your escape Luke stopped it with his hand and spoke, 

“Are you in love with me?” 

You froze where you stood, squeezing your eyes shut completely mortified. 

Slowly, you spun back around to face Luke. He stepped out of the door frame allowing you reentrance and led you to the kitchen. Once you had both sat down he spoke again, 

“So is it true? What you told Ashton last night, is it true?” 

You placed your hands over your eyes and shook your head.

“Does it matter?” you responded. 

“Of course it matters, what do you mean?” 

“I mean you have Hannah and it doesn’t matter how I fe-” 

“Hannah’s gone.” he interrupted. 

“Gone?” 

“It wasn’t gonna work out with us. I ended things last night.” 

“Why would you end things with-” you paused, eyes narrowing.

Luke looked down, suddenly not wanting to meet your eyes. 

“Do you...you love me?” 

At this Luke shot up from his seat and started pacing around the kitchen.

“Well, of course I do. But I asked you first, and you can’t just..” he rambled on but you stopped listening after “of course I do” 

“Lu,” you said, standing up

He continued talking, not even hearing you over his own nervous talking and fidgeting. 

“Lu.” you called a bit louder. 

He turned to you, stopping mid sentence his mouth still hanging open. 

“I am.” 

“You…” he spoke slowly, eyes frozen on you.

“I am in love with you.” 

Both of you were frozen in place, terrified that if you moved you may wake up and discover this was all just a dream. You stayed like that for about a minute till you broke the silence. 

“I have been, for a couple years now. And I never told you, cause I always thought that-” you were cut off by Luke’s lips. 

He had one hand on the back of your neck and the other pulling you closer by the waist. You melted into the kiss pressing a hand to his chest. It may sound cliche but you swore you were seeing fireworks as he ran his tongue along your bottom lip.  

“I love you.” he sighed as you pulled apart. “I am so in love with you, fuck I can’t believe-” Before he had a chance to ramble again you pulled him back in for another kiss. 

After a few minutes you broke away to catch your breath. Luke moved his hands to cup both your cheeks, 

“Hi.” he cooed. 

“Hi” you smiled. “I need coffee” you turned away walking towards the kitchen.

“Hey no wait” he whined pulling you back by the waist. “m’not done kissing you.”

“We have plenty of time for that, but I need coffee now.” you teased pressing a swift kiss to his lips. 

“Mmm, I know but we’ve got a lot of catching up to do” he said chasing behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist as you walked to the coffee machine. 

As you fixed yourself a coffee, Luke's chin resting on the top of your head, you heard shuffling from the living room. When you looked up Michael was walking in with messy hair and eyes puffy from sleep. He glanced at you in Luke’s arms, his expression unchanging and mumbled while pulling orange juice from the fridge, 

“It’s about time.” 

[kakashiswilloffire]

Hello Ari! Hope you're doing well!

I was reading Cold Brew for the umpteenth time today *cue lovesick giggles* and it made me so happy that it led me to think if you'd be open to doing a part 2 :)

I know that some stories are probably left best as it is, so if a the idea of a sequel doesn't appeal to you, would you like to write a fluffy scenario where this time, it's Kakashi coming to the reader's place of work and both of them are just in denial of their feelings?

I know it seems like a very vague ask haha, but I do hope you're able to make something out of it!

Thanks a lot, and have a wonderful day/night!

hi po!!! thank you so much, and i hope you enjoy this!!

cupcake of the week

ao3

wc: 1583

no tw! bakery au, college au

***

“Hatake, I’m not saying it again—let’s go.”

The silver-haired man felt his stomach remain on the couch as he was dragged to his feet. “We really don’t have to do this, it’s not a big deal, they probably don’t even know who I am—”

The chorus of “bullshit” that rang around the apartment living room indicated otherwise. Asuma lay across the whole dingy, torn couch, preventing anyone else from taking a seat. Yamato, at the desk in the corner, had split away from drafting his architecture midterm long enough to chime in. Then there was Genma, hand wrapped firmly around the sophomore’s wrist, forcing him to stand.

“You have gone to this stupid shop every Tuesday for the past six weeks. You get an assortment pack of pastries and whatever the cupcake of the week is every time. Last time, Bakery Babe wrote ‘Enjoy!’ with a little smiley face and an exclamation mark on the box,” Genma recounted, reaching for Kakashi’s jacket and throwing it at him before grabbing at his own. “I’d say they definitely know who you are.”

Asuma shuffled, digging in his back pocket. “And the pastries aren’t even good.”

Genma snapped his fingers, pointing at his roommate. “Exactly! They burn the cinnamon rolls half the time!”

“Okay, fair, but the weekly cupcake is always good,” Kakashi protested, bending to scoop his wallet off the low coffee table.

Asuma thumped the back of his head with a pack of cigarettes as he egged him on. “Go get ‘em, hotshot.”

***

It was a lovely day outside, and you had been at work since before the sun had risen. Despite the sun pouring in through the glass doors, the winter chill had still set in and claimed its hold on the air around you, leaving you to fight a shiver and a rash of goosebumps every time the door opened to welcome in a customer.

In a few months, it would be two years at this bakery, and another year’s savings set aside to open your own. The only thing that could be sweeter is if Tuesday Assortment Guy would finally take a hint, or at least give you his name.

He was so kind and intelligent, his mask always pulled diligently over his nose. He never complained about the high prices or wait times, never was upset if what he was looking for was out of stock. A few weeks ago, had had come in with his puppy on a leash, and the tiny vest he had gotten custom-made for the pug had melted your heart. You slipped him a cup of whipped cream that day and had made a point every week after to ring in a discount, or pack an extra baked good or two into his package.

Over each visit, he had spoken about college, his career goals, his hobbies, and his roommates. Four weeks in, and no red flags to be seen. You were cautiously optimistic.

You felt the chill wash over you as the door swung open for the five hundredth time that day as you wiped down the sales counter. “Welcome in, let me know if you need anything,” you recited cheerfully before looking up.

Tuesday Assortment Guy, right on time.

His shoulders slumped more than usual, and he checked over his shoulder at the man in the hoodie standing just outside, who flashed him a thumbs up followed by a shooing motion. Assortment Guy refused to move, and his friend pulled the toothpick from his mouth and pointed it threateningly through the glass.

You cleared your throat, hoping to prevent whatever violence could possibly take place. “Ah! It’s cold out there, huh?”

What the hell? Of course it’s cold. Everyone knows it’s cold. Why would you--?

He nodded viciously, taking a fumbling step toward the counter without making eye contact. “Yeah! Like, super chilly. So weird.”

Crisis averted.

You laughed, then leaned forward across the counter. “So, are we doing the usual today?”

Once again, he glanced back at the door, then let his hand find a place to rest on the back of his neck. “Yeah, just the assorted twelve-pack. Um, whatever you think would be good. And then, you know, the, uh—” He struggled for a moment, searching for the words.

“The cupcake of the week?”

“Yes, that.” A faint blush crept toward his temples. “Thank you.”

“No worries!” You unfolded and built the thin white cardboard box, scanning over the display in front of you. He had never stated a preference for what he liked, so you tried to give him as wide a variety as you could.

As you selected the best from each category, you caught up. His dog was doing well, and he was thinking about getting a second. His best friend’s birthday was coming up, and he had no idea what to get a man who only owned exercise equipment and protein powder. You suggested a journal for tracking goals, and he cocked his head to the side, took a beat, and thanked you for solving the problem.

In no time, you had packed the box and was tabbing it closed, placing it next to the register. You then went behind yourself for the single-serving box, reaching for a sheet of deli paper.

He took another step toward the counter, now just a tiny bit closer than a customer needed to be. “So, how do you… choose the cupcake? Like, what’s the process?”

“For cupcake of the week?” He nodded, and you shrugged as you picked up one of this week’s winner, a coconut cream inspired creation with a meringue buttercream frosting. “We just kind of throw out ideas, and then I pull something together. Like a couple weeks ago, the strawberry basil? That was the first two things my boss saw at the farmer’s market. It’s good practice for when I’ll make my own menu someday.”

Assortment Guy nodded, clearly impressed. “That’s so interesting! Like, you’ll just experiment with flavors until something works?”

“Yeah! That’s why they don’t end up part of the permanent menu very often—it’s just something for me to play with.”

You set the box with the cupcake down next to the larger box, and his hand ghosted over yours as he slid it towards himself.

“I, uh… I think that’s really great.”

You swallowed, suddenly aware of every nerve ending in your body and the ambient sounds in the room. “Thanks. I, um, I work really hard on them.”

A heavy silence settled as you rang in his order, adding your employee discount at the end. You gave him his total and he fumbled with his wallet, pulling out his card and passing it off to you. You swiped it through the till’s scanner, waiting for the annoying tone that let you know it was approved.

“Did you need a bag?”

He blinked. Before he could reply, you continued your train of thought.

“I’m going to get you a bag.”

You ducked under the counter, pulling a marker from your apron pocket and snagging a sheet of wax paper. Quickly, you scrawled down your name and phone number, then folded the sheet up roughly and shoving it to the bottle of the plastic bag you stood up with. Hands shaking with adrenaline, you lowered the two boxes on top of the note, then handed the sack off to the man on the other side of the counter.

“Have a great day,” you managed to get out before the internal panic took over. He nodded, said something back to you, then raised the bag in a farewell before heading to the door.

He got a single step outside, the door just barely closed behind him, before the friend who had been waiting smacked him upside the head and yanked the bag away from him. You could hear some vague shouting, then he re-entered, alone.

“Could I, um, ask you a question? If you have a minute?” He tripped over the words, and you froze, heart racing. Had you misread the situation? Did he have a partner he hadn’t mentioned? Was Toothpick Boy his partner?

You took a deep breath, trying desperately to stay casual. “Yeah, what’s up?”

He appeared equally as nervous as he tentatively approached the register. “Would you, maybe, outside of work, be interested in, um, maybe going on a date? With me?”

The world shut down for a moment, but when it came back online, he was still standing in front of you, waiting for an answer.

“I—yeah! That’d be great!” Despite yourself, you giggled, and he visibly relaxed into himself before springing back up.

“Great! So it’s a date!”

“Yeah! It’s a date!”

“Awesome!” His hand found its way behind his neck again, and you both sat in the silence that followed for a moment. He then cleared his throat and threw a look to the glass door, pointing to his friend who had already broken into the box of treats.

“I’ll call you later?” He asked, backing out of the store.

You grinned, nodding firmly. “Sounds perfect!”

***

“Did you do it? I’ve been working on a pickup line around ‘cupcake of the week’, but I don’t have one yet that isn’t creepy or like, implying you only want to be together short-term, but I’ll get there.”

Kakashi shoved him, scoffing as he took the bag back. “Don’t need your help, Genma. I could clearly handle it all on my own.”

[danielxricciardo]

Hello! I don’t know if you’re up for Carlos’ promt.😅 I’m really a fangirl😂 I always wanted to right fanfic but I was never good with words, and I always check up on your blog for new ones. I know there’s only one fanfic for Carlos atm, so if I Can I request like Carlos is jealous because Max is the character’s ex? Like they’re already engaged but Max is still trying to fight for her and Carlos is really jealous and mad? A bit of angst would be great🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Thank youuuu!

You drew circles on Carlos's bare back in an attempt to wake him slightly. You looked at your ring finger on which now stood a beautiful diamond ring, the most beautiful you had ever seen, and memories of last night filled your mind and formed butterflies in your stomach.

When your best friend spontaneously took you to a shopping session followed by a manicure and pedicure appointment, you thought it was her way of spending time with you after she had been extremely busy with work for the past few months. It never occurred to you that Carlos might be up to something even when you saw that he and Lando's location was off. Why would you think Carlos was planning something? It was Tuesday, there were a few months until your birthday, Carlos' birthday had just passed, it wasn't your birthday, damn, it wasn't even your dog's birthday. Although, in retrospect, you had to realize that something was wrong. Your best friend in the mall on a Tuesday afternoon? She the one who goes to work even when she has the flu or when she broke her leg and had to keep it in plaster for two months.

But you didn't even realize his plan when your best friend bought you a gorgeous dress and made you wear it before you left for home. Honestly, you wouldn't look decent for an engagement just in ripped jeans and a T-shirt.

When she stopped in front of the house and stopped the engine you asked her what was going on but she just said she wanted to take the pair of jeans she had lent you a few months ago because she had a date and she wanted to wear them. You didn't pay much attention and opened the car door.

From the house you could see a very diffused and dim light. Candles? You thought then and you were tempted to think it was a power outage but the neighbors had light. Did I pay the current bill this month?

When you opened the door of the house and saw the rose petals on the floor you immediately thought of a romantic dinner with Spanish food, in no case did you expect to see Carlos on his knees in the middle of your living room. At that moment, everything made sense.

“You are the only one who understands me even more than myself. You are the only one with whom I can share everything, even my personal secrets. I want you to be with me always. I believe that if we’re lucky enough to have found each other in the first place, we’re worth betting on for life. Will, you hold my hand and be mine forever?” Carlos had said in a voice trembling with emotion and the ring in his hands.

You would never have answered otherwise than yes. You didn't even notice Lando in a corner of the living room filming everything or your best friend who was no longer behind you but somewhere to your right taking pictures.

Carlos, with trembling hands, put the ring on your finger and kissed you, his hands making room on your cheeks, wiping away your tears. You were happy. You have found your forever home.

You all opened a champagne and listened to how Carlos planned, with the help of your best friend, for three months, the whole engagement. He told you how close you were to turning all his plans upside down.

"I bought the ring when I was in Abu Dhabi for the Grand Prix," he says, and you remember that Grand Prix was three weeks ago. "When I bought it, I stayed with Lando, I think, for two hours in my hotel room, thinking about where to hide the ring so that you wouldn't find it when I returned home and it would be handy for me to take it out quickly and hide it at home. I finally decided to hide it in a pair of socks and put it in the small compartment of my bag. On my way home, however, I completely forgot that I put the ring in my bag. I was firmly convinced that it is in the backpack and when I got home you immediately took the bag to wash my clothes, as you always do. When I opened the backpack and saw that the ring was not there, I panicked extremely hard and ran to you to get the bag." he finishes telling the story and you start laughing.

You remembered that day perfectly.

"Is that why you were so white in the face? I really thought you were sick."

"Good morning, my beautiful fiancée." Carlos says in his harsh morning voice and looks at you with glassy eyes.

You smile at him and bend down to kiss him.

"Good morning, my wonderful fiancé."

He gets up in bed and hugs you.

"You have no idea how happy I am that I can hug you and say that you are mine now."

"And I was yours before, only now I have a ring on my finger."

"Mhm," Carlos says, muffled by your hair. "Now you have a ring on your finger that can keep Max away from you."

The smile on your face faded slowly. Max? What did Max have to do with your engagement? Sure, he's your ex-boyfriend, but you broke up three years ago.

It was a pretty hard breakup, more for him than for you. You broke up with him because you felt your relationship was no longer working. He didn't pay enough attention to you, you often quarreled and you felt like the love you had for him was fading with each passing day.

Max didn't comment on anything when you broke up with him, saying that it was better for both of you to go your separate ways.

That was until he saw you hand in hand with Carlos less than two months after the breakup. What he was feeling was a new feeling: jealousy. He couldn't understand the fact that you broke up with him and now you're in love with Carlos. When had this happened? Did Carlos like you when you were still together? Did you like him when you were in bed with him? He had many questions, but he would have died rather than asking you, showing you that he still cares about you.

So, he decided to ignore you, to ignore you both, hoping that your relationship won't last. But he saw you every day laughing at his jokes, he saw how he kissed the lips he had kissed until recently, how he held your hand that once caressed his hair.

It's true, lately Max and you have gotten closer. You have realized that there is no point in resentment between you considering that you see each other every day and, in the end, you are two responsible adults, you can behave nicely with each other.

Or so you thought. Carlos saw behind Max's actions. He saw how his touch on your shoulder lasted longer than normal, how in a room full of people Max is looking for you, he noticed that he always wants to know your opinion when he asks a question. Carlos realized pretty quickly that Max wants to win you back and he didn't tell you that just once.

How many times have you told Carlos that you don't care what Max's intentions are, that you love Carlos, he didn't seem to understand.

"What do you mean by that, Carlos?" you say annoyed. "Did you ask me to marry you to prove something to Max? To show him he has no chance of being with me?"

Carlos stood up and looked at you with wide eyes. You were angry, very angry and he knew he had said something wrong.

"No, of course not, love. I asked you to marry me because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Yeah, that's what you said last night in your speech. But now you're bringing Max up and I don't understand why. Did I do anything to make you doubt me?"

"No, no, of course not. You didn't do anything, love.

"You get out of bed and go to the bathroom.

"Then what is it? I keep hearing about Max. Max said that, Max did that, like Max is the third person in this relationship."

"I don't trust him!" he says in exasperation. "He's still trying to get under your skin and you allow him. I can't believe you don't see that he wants you back!"

"Carlos, for God's sake, do you hear yourself? He wants me back! Very well, let him want me for all I care! It's been three years since I broke up with him, don't you think I'd be back with him by now if that’s what I want? Understand that I can't control if he likes me or not, but I can control my feelings. And guess what, my heart chose you. So stop with this stupid jealousy!"

Carlos bites his lip and looks at you.

"You're right. I'm very sorry." he says and takes you in his arms. "Please forgive me, I'm very insecure because I love you so much and I don't want to ever lose you.

"You smile then kiss him.

"I am yours, forever."

"Forever."

[emotionallyits2009]

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :) 

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010. 

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The  professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on. 

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

[honeyhuii]

Runaway With me: Chapter 6| Who Cares?

Warnings for chapter: Swearing,

Word count for chapter: 825

Rating for chapter: PG13 - Crude language

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A/n Sorry for the long delay, but I went on a short vacation on Tuesday and didn't work on anything. I was also busy writing the vday fic and forgot to write this chapter. Sad news, there's only a few more chapters left and then it's over :(

The rules of the world go as follow and everyone must follow:

There are pretty privileges. I.e The above-average looking shall be granted special v.i.p privileges like passing classes, special treatment at restaurants, cafes, fast food places, and have a 35% discount off any purchase.

The rich are allowed a 15% discount on any purchase as well as have special treatment at restaurants, cafes, fast food places, etc. They are allowed to pass classes much like the above average, however, they must pay for said classes they want to pass.

The above-average are only allowed to marry others above average or the rich. It is forbidden for an above-average to be in a relationship/marry those who are considered average or below.

The average or below will be allowed to befriend those above them as long as it stays at that. If it becomes more, the average or below....you know what? Who cares anymore.

You stared out the window of the passenger seat of the van. Music played in the background as you watched the city pass you by. Your window was rolled down, letting cool air fill the car, cooling the on coming summer heat. Yeonjun was singing along to whatever was playing, distracting you from the passing city. Soobin was passed out in the backseat, a blanket covering him, and his hair dishevelled.

It’s only been a few days since you made the biggest decision of your life and ran away. And for the first 24 hour, all three of you kept getting spammed with text messages and phone calls from your parents. Your parents stopped trying to reach you after the first two hours, which means they probably got notified about your expulsion and gave up on you. Soobin texted his parents what he was doing and that he didn’t want to live in this society, but that he wanted to find the Lost City to have a better chance at life. They supported him and you wished you had parents that were as wonderful as his. For Yeonjun, they were the only ones that wouldn’t leave Yeonjun’s ignored text messages and phone calls as a sign, so they would keep calling every 45 minutes to see if he would finally answer. At the 24 hour mark, Yeonjun got so annoyed that he threw the phone out the window of the van. He didn’t care that he would no longer have a phone because he finally felt free. His parents wouldn’t be able to track him nor will they ever find out his new phone number if he ever decided that he wanted to get a new phone. You saw the relieved look on his face as soon as the constant ringing of the phone finally stopped. You interlace your fingers with his and give him a soft calming smile, easing him even more.

You don't know what city the Lost City is near, the boys refuse to tell you, they want to leave it as a shock and surprise. You're pretty sure it's just going to be a small run down town, so you really don't know what the whole big deal is. But you'll let them have their fun since it seems to lift their spirits these days. Soobin probably misses his parents and other friends, but you're really lucky and happy to have them by your side.

Skyscrapers keep passing you by, it seems as though you are going to be leaving the city soon. You're really hoping that the Lost City is real otherwise you will have nowhere to go. Soobin's parents will probably let him come back home and Yeonjun's parents would be over the moon to know their heir was returning. But you? No one would let you rent an apartment, parent's don't want you anymore, and anyone who let you live with them would become associated with a wanted criminal. And your only crime is wanting to fall in love with an above average when you are an average…one of the worst crimes to be committed. But now, you don't care anymore. You have your best friend by your side and the love of your life. The rules, society, and the government can frankly go fuck themselves.

Yeonjun makes a left at an intersection, turning into a gas station. Must be time to take a break, get gas, and snacks. "I'm going to refill the gas so that we'll have enough to make it to the Lost City. Want to come with me and get some snacks? This'll probably be the last stop for a while, we'll be leaving the city fairly soon," Yeonjun turns to you and asks. He unbuckles his seatbelt and turns off the ignition, pocketing the keys.

"Yeah, let's leave Soobin to sleep. He looks quite peaceful," you unbuckle your seatbelt and open the car door. You hop out and grab your wallet. Yeonjun gave you some cash for you to spend and so that you had some on your person.

Yeonjun followed you inside and went to the register to get a full tank of gas, while you went to find snacks for the trip. You were grabbing your favourite chips, Soobin’s favourite, and then you grabbed a bag of Yeonjun’s favourite chips. You stuck the chips in the basket and headed to the candy aisle, might as well grab a couple of sour gummies and dark chocolate since you don’t know how long it’ll be before you arrive to the Lost City.

You head over to the fridge to grab a couple of drinks. You feel a tap on your shoulder and turn around. What the fuck?

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Taglist: @mhyori1117 @ikasaeki @mygwarai @butterfly-skinnylegend

@chiyuv

Send an ask or comment to be added to the taglist

[abundanceofnots]

Ficlet idea: Now that Mickey’s using kevs gym he’s been giving guys tips from his prison workouts. Ian is NOT happy about the level of attention he gets when he stops by one day

(You can read this fic here, or on AO3.)

So, the KevFit membership was still a thing. Cool.

And, okay, listen. It wasn’t that Ian minded Mickey going to the gym. Of course, he didn’t. It was just the way this whole thing came to be that Ian wouldn’t call ideal.

Mickey liked to say Ian body-shamed him into working out, and frankly, Ian could see why he would.

They gave each other shit all the time. Laughed about hairy toes, prodded at each other’s saggy parts. And when they were both in the right headspace, it was just that—provoking banter. But Mickey, being the sensitive creature that he was, sometimes took it too close to heart.

And yeah, maybe Ian nagged him a few too many times about staying healthy after the lockdown started when Mickey’s only method of balancing out his liquid beer diet was riding Ian’s dick. But by then, it felt like they’d been occupying the same 1x1 bedroom for years, so it wasn’t exactly Ian’s fault.

If Mickey decided to go about it this way, great. Seriously. It only meant that Ian didn’t need to worry about getting his knuckles bruised anytime soon. And while he secretly mourned the loss of Mickey’s soft belly, he wasn’t going to complain. Not when Mickey looked the way he did now.

The thought was on Ian’s mind again that morning while he brushed his teeth over the bathroom sink, using the time on his hands to watch his husband in the mirror as he showered.

The curtain was only partially closed, just enough so that Mickey wasn’t splashing water around the tub while still leaving space for Ian to see him.

And boy, did he see him.

His broad shoulders. His arms stretching as he ran his hands through his wet hair. The dimples on his back. The marks Ian left on his ass when they fucked earlier.

When Mickey turned off the shower and stepped out of the tub, Ian found himself drawn to the little water droplets sliding over the Ian Galager tattoo and down his pecs, his abs, the V shape of his hips, and into his pubes.

Ian only realized he entirely forgot to move the toothbrush in his mouth when one corner of Mickey’s mouth curled into a teasing smirk.

“The fuck are you looking at?” Mickey asked, sounding smug as hell as he reached for his towel.

“Definitely not your ugly mug.”

Coming out all muffled, Ian’s words lost some of their intended edges. He angled himself back to the sink and spat.

“You have the tits of a 12-year-old girl,” he added quickly like there was a five-second rule for when you could still save your diss. He looked up just in time to see Mickey scrunch his face in mild outrage.

“Fuck off, these are C cups at least.”

“Like you're such an expert on those.”

Ian let out a low yelp as Mickey unexpectedly smacked his back, right around where his Monica tattoo was.

“Well, they're not your mom's tits, that's for sure,” Mickey noted through a sneer.

He then went back to drying himself, and Ian allowed himself to openly gawk at his slightly misty reflection again.

Several mechanical strokes of his toothbrush later, the thought came back, clouding his mind with an ugly feeling.

The intuitive thing would be to push it back and pretend like everything was okay, but they were married now and told each other shit, right? He had to say something.

“Going to the gym again today?” Ian asked eventually, trying to come off as noncommittal as he could with his mouth full and his eyes trained on the drain.

Obviously, he didn’t mind getting horny over his buff husband. No, the actual reason Ian was so bothered about all this was that other people now had free reigns to get horny over him as well.

You see, since Mickey started paying Kev’s gym his regular visits, he’d managed to attract a flock of followers. Fucking fans.

That, at least, was what Ian called them. Mickey, of course, didn’t see it like that. For him, they were paying customers.

“It’s easy money, man. And the crowd’s gettin’ bigger and bigger every week.” Mickey looked pleased as he wrapped the towel around his hips. “Anyway, it’s not like I have to do much. Most of the time, I just do my thing, and the bunch of ‘em stare at my ass.”

Ian bent forward and spat.

“So basically, they pay to jerk off your ego,” he pointed out, slumping his shoulders to show how totally unimpressed he was by that notion.

“’Xactly. And maybe something else, too.”

Mickey’s cackle followed him out into the hallway as he left Ian alone in the bathroom.

---

It was clearly a joke. A nasty joke that was supposed to leave a sting, but there was absolutely no need for Ian to worry. And he kept telling himself that all day—right until the moment he entered the badly-lit backroom of the Alibi and found himself in the company of a pack of Northsiders in designer label gym clothes.

Before he could spot Mickey anywhere among them, some blond guy in what seemed like an uncomfortably too tight a tank top came to his side.

„Looks like we have a newcomer in our midst.” The guy clicked his tongue, giving Ian an blatant once-over. “You here for the Mickeffect?”

„The what?“

„The Mickeffect. That’s what we call this class. Unofficially, of course, because the class is sorta kinda unofficial, too.” At that, he sniggered, which Ian immediately found annoying. “3pm, every Tuesday and Thursday. You from the Facebook group?”

Ian resisted the urge to scoff. “Uh, no.”

“Just lucky coincidence, then? Well, since you’re already here, I think you’re gonna enjoy yourself. The dude who leads this class is ex-con, so he knows all the right ways to abuse the body if you know what I mean.”

Clenching his fists inside the pockets of his sweatpants, Ian smiled politely and nodded. He wasn’t going to give this blond douchebag the satisfaction and punch him in the face. Not yet, at least.

“Hot as hell, too. And man, that ass. Simply de-licious. The whole thing actually only went off after I posted a video of him doing squats. Got 50k views in a day, a whole article on PinkNews a week later. The title was The Ex-con Hunk Who Makes Chicagoans Sweat Like Crazy – And Then Tells Them Off. Funny.”

The guy shrugged in this wannabe innocent you know how it is way. Ian was relieved to realize he really, really didn’t.

“We get new people all the time, but the return rate is terrible,” Blond Douchebag continued, amazingly. “Most of the boys come for Mickey but then leave with someone else. Maybe you’ll get lucky here, too.”

“I’m married,“ Ian retorted, hoping it would be enough to make him stop talking.

But Blond Douchebag didn’t even blink. “Yeah, so are some of the guys here. And he is, too, but I don’t think he’s the typa guy who would be deterred by that.“

Careful there, pal, Ian thought. Or you might find your pretty face landing very unprettily on a beer keg.

“Oh, hey!“

The familiar voice came out of nowhere, prematurely ending Ian’s plans to show this complete dickwad the practical meaning of the word concussion.

His head snapped to his right where Mickey was now standing, his eyes carefully roaming over Ian. There was a softness in them for a moment before his whole face morphed into a smirk.

„Came to learn something from the expert?” he teased.

Ian clenched his jaw. “Something like that.”

As Mickey moved past them, Blond Douchebag gave Ian a sly wink.

---

Ian wasn’t sure what kind of problems the snooty Northsiders could possibly be dealing with in their private lives, but this whole thing seemed to have almost therapeutical effects on them.

Mickey called them Ansel Elgort (not a compliment) or White Kanye West (also not a compliment) while he listened to their crap, and they giggled like teenage girls. He yelled at them for being pussies, and they were only a touch away from popping a boner. It made zero fucking sense.

And Mickey, well. The dickhead was so clearly giving them an upgraded version to his usual performance. Biting his bottom lip all the time. Flexing his muscles a little too hard. Grabbing everyone’s attention by letting out these exaggerated grunts.

Ian officially reached his bullshit limit when Mickey finished off a set of pull-ups and promptly took his shirt off to wipe his face. The way everything around him seemed to come to a stop for a hot minute had Ian’s eyes rolling.

It was totally ridiculous. Were these guys really so desperate?

Getting a better grip on the skipping rope he was using, Ian caught Mickey watching him, his brows arched, the dare behind them so plain and obvious.  

And yeah, okay, asshole. Two could play this game.

“You know what,” Ian started out loud so everyone could hear him. He let the rope fall to his feet and instead tugged his own shirt off. “We did things a little differently in the army.”

His grin widened when he heard one of the guys audibly gulp.

---

“Fifty!”

“One hundred!”

“Fuck off, you can’t do one hundred push-ups in one go.”

“With one hand behind my back.”

Maybe kneeling on the feet of two wheezing guys doing sit-ups wasn’t the best time to have a whispered shouting match with your husband, but honestly, Ian couldn’t give two shits. Mickey was seriously pissing him off—and like hell was he going to let him win. Even if it was just this one petty argument.

“You need stamina when you’re the top. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to do all the fucking work while the bottom just lies there.”

“Oh, oh, please! Tell us more about your workouts in the army. Was this before or after you tried to run away from there by stealing a damn helicopter?”

They were suddenly aware that their periphery vision got surprisingly still. Almost in tandem, they looked down at the alarmed expressions of their trainees.

“Did I fuckin’ tell you to stop, Asthma Boy?” Mickey grumbled at his guy. “Gimme three more sets of twenty!”

---

Blond Douchebag must have taken a genuine liking to him because he later offered to cover Ian as he pounded into the punching bag. And while he technically did hold onto the punching bag, his eyes were always on Mickey.

“Wonder who Ian is,” he mused as he observed Mickey’s topless form. “Think it’s the husband? Probably doesn’t even realize what a hot piece of ass he’s got at home.”

Too easy. It would be entirely too easy to pretend Ian’s hand slipped and he hit him by mistake, and he wasn’t going to stoop that low. He wasn’t.

Taking in a deep breath, Ian started punching harder.

He wasn’t.

“Everything okay here?”

Mickey had his shirt tucked under the elastic band of his pants, and from the corner of his eyes, Ian couldn’t help but notice the light sheen of sweat that covered his face and upper body. He wasn’t the only one.

“Oh, more than okay,” Blond Douchebag practically purred.

Punch. Punch. Punch.

“Whoa, Ian, hey.” Mickey sounded worried. “Take it easy, man.”

And fucking finally, that seemed to have done the job. Because Blond Douchebag wasn’t looking at Mickey anymore, he was looking back at Ian, and his bravado was long gone. Now, there was childlike fear in his stance, and Ian almost pitied him.

“Oh shit. You’re Ian,” he managed before the next punch landed right into his face, knocking him down on the floor.

Panting, Ian stood over him as he clutched his bleeding nose.

“Yes, I’m Ian,” he snarled at him. “And his ass is all mine.”

Someone gripped his arm then.

“Okay, the show’s over, Muhammad Ali. Better get out of here,” Mickey muttered as he pushed Ian across the gym, past all the Northside wimps who seemed too tired to do anything other than being in shock. “Come on. Ian, come the fuck on!”

From the Alibi, they ran. Sprinted along the streets and over honking cars, zig-zagged through commuters, and flipped off those who wolf-whistled at their half-naked bodies. They ran until they ended up in a dirty alley with no one else in sight, their sides on fire, and broke into a fit of laughter.

Ian only realized Mickey brought his shirt when he used it to slap his chest.

“Jealous fucker.”

“Shut the fuck up. Wasn’t jealous.”

But Mickey was still wearing that suggestive whatcha gonna do now smirk, and his lips were shiny from being licked over just a second ago, and so the next thing Ian knew, he was pushing him against a wall and kissing him thoroughly.

His hands went to Mickey’s ass, lifting him up just slightly as his fingers dug in, and Ian pulled back to let out a moan.

“Mm, I fuckin’ love your ass.”

Mickey groaned. “Jesus Christ, please don’t tell me all of this was because of my ass.”

Leaning down again, Ian murmured into his mouth: “Isn’t it always?”

[jolynej]

may i ask some hc's for a bisexual artist reader dating bruno, giorno and doppio? 🥺 👉👈 (bonus: reader gets to flip off/ smack diabolo for interrupting dates lol) - 🎨

yes! sorry it took so long, honey! this was really fun to write!! hope you enjoy, bby!!

all characters are 20+ in this piece!

CW: implied nsfw, a curse word in Doppio’s part

• Immensely impressed with your artistic and creative capabilities, no matter your preferred medium. Each time that you present him with a finished copy of your work, his cerulean eyes light up, and his amber lips tug up to reveal a proud, dazzling smile. He gets worried that some of his compliments may sound repetitive, so he has developed a habit of commenting on and praising the most random aspects of your work. From anyone else it’d be odd to hear about that ‘handsome shade of green’ or the ‘fascinatingly sexy technique’ you used, but it’s Bruno, and you wouldn’t expect anything less

•If you’ll indulge him, he’s a big fan of sitting back and watching you work. Full warning though — those odd comments of his are in full abundance! The man truly hangs on to everything that you do and is very anticipatory of how your piece will turn out. But he is far from overbearing. He knows how bothersome it can be to have someone hovering over your shoulder, and he makes sure to allow you to have more than enough breathing room and space to work

•On special occasions such as anniversaries or your birthday — or even just on a random Tuesday, the man just loves surprising you, let’s be real — he’ll gift you art supplies. From brushes to paints, to art programs and aprons, Bruno has given you an array of art-related items. The moment you say that you’re eyeing something in particular or are running low on a particular supply, he mentally catalogues that information away for later

•100% into paint and sips! He signed you up for one as a date idea, and he found out that he really enjoyed himself. It’s a fun way for him to loosen up, relax, try something new, and to, of course, spend time with the person he loves most. He’s a bit of a giggly drunk, and he has definitely made you, and some other angry patrons, mess up due to his loud gasps and snorts and wheezes that he makes because he made such a silly little dolphin, wheeee!!

•Bruno offers to model for you — nude, if you don’t mind certain things popping up. He acts all suave and nonchalant when he proposes the idea, but when it comes down to the actual event of him posing on an ivory-colored sheet draped over a chaise lounge with one hand propping up his head and the other sat upon his thigh, he’s trying everything he can to keep himself from getting turned on. But there is something about the distinct way in which your eyes are narrowed in pure concentration, because of him, that gets him going

•He’s a good critic — he’s fair and offers constructive criticism but is never harsh nor rude, plus, he’s quick to remind you that he knows next to nothing about art and what exactly goes into the creation of your pieces, so he tells you to take his suggestions with a grain of salt, it’s just his way of trying to get you to challenge yourself and achieve even great heights! Still, Giorno always finds something in your latest piece that he admires, and his compliments are always very genuine

•Definitely hangs your work up in his office and whenever someone comments on the work or asks who the artist is, he just smirks and says in a knowing, smug tone that he’s intimately familiar with their other work and that he’s grateful for the exclusive access that his position as don has given him. Whether or not the innuendo is lost or not on the other party is solely dependent on their own inference

•Giorno will absolutely surprise you with your own art studio and/or gallery to display your pieces. While the actual work and planning that went into this took months of proper organizing and hours of him touring different venues to search for the perfect place, the don makes it seem so nonchalant and casual when he calls you out of the blue to tell you to meet him at ‘x address’ at 6:00 PM sharp for your birthday present

•If you have any plants in your works, then he may surprise you with a fresh cut flower or fern or even a potted sapling, depending on the specific species of flora that was featured in your piece. Don’t be shocked to find a vase of roses or hydrangeas or forget-me-nots, or any flower for that matter, on your kitchen counter when you come home from work. He leaves a handwritten note in gorgeous cursive that says something sappy along the lines of ‘I hope this bouquet blooms new inspiration, amore’

•Much like Bruno, he’ll be happy to model for you, and he’ll have no qualms about doing so nude, if you ask, but he probably won’t bring it up otherwise. He’s very patient and does a great job staying still for you, and he will also create a few spontaneous vines and blossoms to better accentuate his chiseled features, stringing the delicate petals through his golden hair and dotting a few at his feet

•Since the boss has him traveling all over, he’ll commission a small self-portrait of you to keep with him when he’s away. He’ll ask for a new picture every few months, which he explains is because he wants to keep up with your change in appearance, be it a new hairstyle/color, new glasses, a new piece of jewelry that he adores on you, etc... but honestly, he just wants to have as many pictures of you as he can — you’re just too lovely!

•Doppio brings up making one of those giant canvas pieces where you both cover yourselves in paint and make love on the canvas together. He had overheard Squalo and Tiziano discussing it one day, and he immediately found himself torn between whether you’d look cuter in pink or blue paint — or both. Doppio would love to sit and have his portrait painted; but alas, that wouldn’t go over well at all with the boss, so this, to him, is the next best thing! Plus! It’s a testament to the love that you both share, and no one has to know how it was made!

•During his travels, he’ll visit little gift shops and will mail back postcards that feature the work of local artists or photos of the scenery or native wildlife. He writes you a cute ‘I miss you’ letter and signs it with a tiny doodle, a heart, and in cursive he ends the note with a simple but intimate ‘your Doppio’ You should plan on making a scrapbook one of these days due to the amount of postcards that you’ve received over the years!

•You have a date night where you both paint along with an episode of Bob Ross, and to put it kindly, Doppio’s painting ends up on the fridge and not on your living room wall, but he’s still proud of himself, considering it’s his first time painting. A few days later, Diavolo walks by the refrigerator one day and asks you why ‘that tasteless shit’ is on display, causing you to scowl and smack him clean across his disgusted face

“Ah, tesoro...” Doppio winces, rubbing his cheek, red and hot from the impact of your harsh slap. “Why does my face hurt?”

[siriuslystarbucks]

Every ‘I Love You’

Written for Starbuck Ship Week run by @prongsfoot-discord Day 1: Time Loops. I’ve never done a time loop fic before lol

Pairing: James Potter/Sirius Black

Tags: AU: No Voldemort, Love Confessions, Time Loop, Angst, Confusion, First Kiss, Communication, Getting Together

Summary: One night, James tells Sirius that he loves him. He does it again the next night. And the next and the next, and Sirius doesn't know how long he's been living this day, but he would like it to stop, thanks, because he still doesn't know what to reply. 

Read below or on AO3

James woke him up that morning. Not by shaking him awake-- which was something he'd done plenty of times because he claimed that having to be the only one up was a horrible fate-- but by whistling. He was in an overly cheerful mood this morning, and he was whistling tunelessly as he walked about the room, getting ready.

Sirius pulled his curtains open but didn't otherwise try to rouse himself. He was perfectly comfortable where he was.

"Sod off with that!" Moony yelled, throwing a pillow at James.

It hit him harmlessly in the side. James paused whistling for long enough to pick it up, then he started whistling again-- louder, this time, to prove a point about how untouchable his happiness was-- and he walked over to Moony's bed, then started whacking his legs with the pillow. "You've got to get up if you want breakfast," he said, practically singing the words.

Sirius grinned, too tired to join in on the teasing but enjoying it all the same.

James looked over at him, as if sensing that he was watching, and his smile widened. He winked, whacked Moony one more time, then dropped it at the side of his bed to continue getting ready.

"Ready for another thrilling day of classes?" James asked him as he got closer.

"As thrilling as they ever are," Sirius responded around a yawn. Not one of his best replies, but James was smiling at him like it was award-winning.

Classes were as boring as advertised, and that night, they were down in the common room, tucked away on a couch together, doing their homework.

"I love you," James said. He looked at Sirius with hearts in his eyes. He was so sincere that it made Sirius's chest hurt.

"I-" Merlin, what was he going to say? "I'm sorry," he said by rote. It's what he said to the people that confessed their feelings to him. Half the time he didn't even recognise them, so it wasn't hard to let them down easy. Even for the people he knew, it wasn't that difficult to tell them that he was sorry, but he didn't feel the same. Looking at James was completely different. James meant something to him; James meant the world to him, and as soon as he said the word 'sorry', James looked crushed.

"Oh. I- no I'm the one that's sorry. I thought... I mean, I thought that you were- well, I was wrong. Doesn't matter." He turned back to his book. His shoulders hunched up towards his shoulders as his face burned red.

Normally, when he was upset, Sirius would try to make him feel better. Since he was the cause this time, he thought it would be for the best that he didn't try to comfort him.

After a minute of awkward silence, James muttered, "I'm calling it an early night."

"Goodnight," Sirius mumbled, just as quietly.

He shuffled away and up the stairs to the dormitory, looking defeated.

Sirius felt like scum. He well and truly did. He didn't know what he could've said to James that would've been better, but he did feel bad about it. By the time he went up to the dormitory-- after giving it plenty of time-- James's curtains were drawn, and he seemed to be asleep.

The next morning, Sirius knew that the air would be fragile. He pulled his own curtains open first thing, but he took plenty of time getting ready. He didn't want for James to think that he'd rushed to get away from seeing him or summat.

When James woke, he seemed... cheerful. He was even whistling tunelessly to himself, just like he'd done yesterday. Sirius only remembered that he'd been whistling yesterday because it had annoyed Moony so much that he'd-

"Sod off with that!" Moony yelled, throwing a pillow at him.

It hit James harmlessly in the side. Just like it had yesterday. James paused whistling for long enough to pick it up, then he started whistling again as he walked over to Moony's bed and started whacking his legs with the pillow. "You've got to get up if you want breakfast," he sang.

This was just like yesterday. Sirius frowned as a feeling of dread crawled over him. It was like yesterday had never happened.

James looked over to Sirius with a grin, but it faded after a few seconds.

Okay, so he'd just been being paranoid. James remembered what happened yesterday. He'd just been trying to pretend like everything was still normal. Sirius sent him a weak smile.

"Are you alright?" James asked, walking over in concern.

"Yeah. I just didn't want to make things awkward for you. After last night."

The concern was replaced with confusion. "What do you mean, last night?"

"When we... y'know, talked. In the common room."

"We weren't in the common room last night. We went for a run in the Forbidden Forest, remember? Went straight up to bed when we got back." James wasn't messing with him. His expression was one hundred percent serious. He wasn't joking around or playing a weird prank. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Fine," Sirius said automatically. What he 'remembered' from yesterday must've been a dream. A horrendously vivid dream, but a dream all the same. "A little tired, I guess."

...But if it had been a dream, then why had Prongs and Moony's interaction been the exact same this morning?

*

"I love you," James said.

"Why?" Sirius asked. He was curious. He honestly couldn't wrap his head around it. The first time James said it, he'd been blindsided. It still didn't sit right with him. There was a twist in his stomach when James said it. Three little words, and he was taken entirely out of himself. James said 'I love you' and Sirius had no confidence, not for himself, not for James, and absolutely none for their relationship. He was second guessing all of it, and without James being able to remember it when a new day dawned, he couldn't move past it. He'd gotten used to James listening and giving him advice.

James smiled faintly at him when he asked. "It's not any one thing."

"No, but... why me? Surely there's someone else out there that you'd rather be with."

"I can't imagine being in love with someone else," James said, which made the knot in Sirius's stomach squeeze tighter. "Isn't it what everyone wants? To be with their best mate?"

"I don't think so," Sirius said honestly. It sounded... very James, but not like anyone else. He couldn't imagine Moony or Wormtail wanting to date their best friend.

*

“I love you,” James said, looking over at Sirius earnestly. It was the first time he’d ever said it. At least, as far James was concerned, that was true.

Sirius had been living this day over and over. Each Tuesday night, no matter what he did in the day, James would confess to him. He’d done this at least ten times already, and he still didn’t know what to say in response.

James’s expression fell a little at his extended silence. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“What would you like for me to say?” He wasn't careful with his tone. It didn't have any of the fondness that he felt for James. He said it flatly, like he didn't care about James in the slightest.

Sometimes, James got sad. Right now, he got angry. His expression hardened. "Fine. Be like that. You could've told me flat out that you didn't feel the same." He slammed his textbook shut and grabbed his bag. It looked like he was juggling all his items as he stormed out of the library.

Sirius sighed, putting his elbow on the table and leaning into his hand. He'd chosen the library this time with the specific hope that James wouldn't want to say anything when they were so far away from Gryffindor Tower and didn't have an easy way out.

He went to bed that night, keeping his head down and feeling guilty.

He knew that in the morning, James would be whistling like nothing happened, and he'd have to sit through the same exact lectures again. They'd been boring the first time he heard them. One repetition had been annoying, but he was convinced he was going to claw his eyes out before he managed to get out of this.

*

"It's a time loop," Sirius said. He didn't like going to Professor Dumbledore, but he was desperate. He'd skivved classes and spent all day in the library. He'd spent several days in the library. Over a week, possibly; it's not like he was keeping count, but it occurred to him too late that maybe he should've been trying to keep track. He'd been through every book about time travel, time loops, and time related curses. There was nothing useful. He had a better chance of getting answers by talking to Dumbledore than he did sneaking out and trying to find more books elsewhere.

"Curious," Dumbledore said. His brow had furrowed slightly, and he was looking at Sirius intently instead of with his usual casualness. "I know that you dabble in a certain amount of- ahem, experimental and high level magicks. Is there anything you've done that might have triggered this? The smallest footnote in an old ritual can have side effects."

Sirius shook his head without needing to think about it. After reliving the day for the third time, he had considered that option. Unfortunately, things had been quiet on the Marauders side of things. They hadn't done anything in the week-- or even month-- leading up to this stupid Tuesday that they hadn't done a dozen times before. "I'm sure that it's nothing I've done. I haven't done anything new leading up to this for weeks."

"It's... possible that someone else is reliving this day, and you were caught up in it."

He shook his head again. "Everyone else is the same. They only change if I do." He'd checked once, just to be sure. Of course, he couldn't remember everything he'd done the first day, but he'd tried his best, and it had been enough for him to be convinced that he was the only one that knew they were doing this more than once.

"I imagine you'll have to analyze your day then, Mister Black."

Sirius grimaced. He knew that it was his last name, but he hated being called that.

"Whatever the answer is, I think it'll come from your own actions. Not a spell or ritual."

"But this is a magical problem."

"Humans possess a kind of magic all unto themselves. Something that has nothing to do with wands or potions. We have the power to change, at will and deliberately."

Sirius blinked. He hadn't wanted to have a counseling session, he'd wanted a fix to this.

"I believe that when you find the change you need, the loop will be broken."

"Seriously? That's it?" Sirius asked, not bothering to be nice. It's nice like the Headmaster would remember this in the morning, after all. "That's your great advice? Change myself?"

"A simple answer, but not an easy one," he said, apparently unbothered.

*

"I love you," James said.

"So what? You're a sodding teenager. You'll fall out of love in a month."

James looked at him like he didn't recognise him. "Are you joking right now? Because if you are, it's not funny."

"And if I'm not?" Sirius asked, looking at him challengingly.

James didn't answer for a moment. He just looked at Sirius as sadness creeped into his features. "I don't know what I did to make you care so little about me."

"I-" Sirius startled, taken aback. "Of course I care."

"You're not acting like it. I don't want for you to lie. I'm not asking for you to claim that you return my feelings when you don't, but I expect for you to act like my friend, to act like the person I fell in love with." James paused, considering as a thought occurred to him. "Are you feeling alright? You've been acting off all day. I thought you already suspected how I felt, so I thought it would be best to come out with it, but I was wrong, wasn't I?"

It was kind. As kind as James always was to him, even when he didn't deserve it. If Sirius thought that he would wake up tomorrow to a new day instead of the same day, yet again, then he would latch onto this. He would tell James that he was sorry, but yes, that's what it was; he wasn't feeling well and he'd been on edge all day.

But this wasn't anything new, and they would do some horrid exchange tomorrow like nothing had changed-- because as far as James was concerned, there was absolutely nothing that had.

"I don't know what you want me to say, James," Sirius said, exhausted. If James would just tell him what he wanted to hear, then he could do that next time and hopefully it would break the loop. It was, after all, the only big event in this day. "Tell me what you want me to say, and I'll say it."

"I don't know either," James replied, but Sirius could tell it was a lie. He was heartbroken though, and it was Sirius's fault, so he didn't push.

He could work on it the next morning.

*

"Let's play hooky today," Sirius said, one hand on James's arm and trying to smile like he didn't have a care in the world.

James grinned back freely. "Sure."

It was nice to finally have a break from classes, but Sirius finally let himself relax around James again. Ever since that first 'I love you', Sirius had been tied up in knots worrying about it. He didn't want to hurt James's feelings, but by trying to push him away, all he'd done was make himself miserable.

They had fun that day. Sirius pressed a kiss to James's mouth before they tried to sneak back in.

"Sirius," James whispered, when they were still standing so close together they could feel the other's warmth. "If we're doing this-"

"I don't know if we are," Sirius said. He kept his tone gentle, but there was no denying the panic that shot through him. "You're my best mate, but I don't..." He didn't know if he wanted to date James. If he was willing to take the chance.

James swallowed thickly. "Right. You can think about it. I've got time."

James might not know it, but right now, they had nothing but time.

They got caught sneaking back in and got detention for a week for going off the grounds and skipping their classes. It didn't matter. The only one who would remember in the morning, was Sirius.

*

Sirius had done this enough times that he knew the look James got before confessing. Before James had a chance to say it this time, Sirius asked, "Do you ever get scared that you'll ruin something?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like us. Our friendship."

A beat. "I do. Sometimes. I think any risk would be worth it, in the end."

"Even if you don't get the answer you want?"

James frowned. "What're you getting at?"

Sirius didn't look up at him. He looked at his own hands, twirling a quill between his fingers absently. "I know how you feel about me."

Silence.

He still didn't look up at him. He wasn't sure he wanted to see his reaction. "And it terrifies me. The way you look at me sometimes... it's like I could bugger up everything under the sun and you'd still love me."

"That would be true even if we were mates and that's where my feelings stopped," James said quietly.

"And that doesn't scare you?"

"You feel the same for me."

That was- sod it, that was the truth. Sirius was beyond confused for how he felt for James ever since this time loop had started, but he cared about him. He loved him. He would do anything and everything for James if only he knew how. "I do," he admitted. "And it's terrifying."

"What about it scares you?"

"I don't know. I've never felt like this for anyone else. I feel like it could destroy both of us, and there would be nothing left."

"Rather bold of you to assume that we'd let that happen," James said. "What makes you think either of us would be willing to lose our friendship?"

"Fair enough," Sirius said, finally looking up so he could give James a smile.

James looked subdued, but he smiled back. 'How much you love me scares me' wasn't the response he'd been hoping for. Sirius knew that, even if he didn't know what James had actually wanted. Probably 'I love you too', but despite the countless times he'd confessed, Sirius had never been able to get him to admit that that's what he wanted to hear.

It's part of what confused him, and a big part of why it terrified him. To anyone else, what Sirius said just now would've been crushing. James looked a little sad and disappointed, but not heartbroken. 

He wished that he could keep this time. No recrimination, no hard feelings. James knew that Sirius knew how he felt, and he also knew that Sirius was beyond confused about his own feelings.

He sighed and went back to copying down the passage from the textbook. It wouldn't last till morning, but it gave him something to do while he kept James company.

Sirius woke up the next day, wondering how the hell he was supposed to get through this. He didn't know how to look James in the eye like everything was fine when he was so utterly lost.

He pushed his curtains open and rolled to his feet. He was so out of it that he didn't notice things were different until he ran into James in the loo. He frowned.

This wasn't right.

James was supposed to be happily whistling to himself and annoying Remus, not standing morosely in front of the mirror as he tiredly brushed his teeth. "Morning," James mumbled.

Sirius blinked.

"You okay?"

"Are you? I thought you'd be in a better mood."

James's brow creased. "Did we have a different conversation last night than the one I remember?"

Last night. Oh Merlin, he remembered. "What day is it?"

"Wednesday? You know, the day that comes after Tuesday?"

The relief Sirius felt was instantaneous. He didn't think about it, just wrapped his arms around James and rested his head against his shoulder. "Thank Merlin."

"Are you still asleep or summat?"

"More like I just woke up from a nightmare," Sirius muttered. A beat. "I don't know how you even know what love is. How do you know liking me a friend was different than fancying me?"

"I don't know," James said, which wasn't the most encouraging thing Sirius had ever heard. "I thought about it, and it seemed like it fit. Don't look at me like I have all the answers, Padfoot. I'm guessing most of the time, too."

"You always seemed so sure," Sirius said without really thinking about it. James had told him that he loved him a hundred different times, and not once had Sirius thought that he wasn't one hundred percent certain about it.

"What?"

Sirius shook his head.

That night, he asked James if he could kiss him instead of going for it without warning, and James said yes.

"So," James said, clearing his throat, "do I get an Acceptable?"

"Don't be stupid. You get an Outstanding."

"Even though you're not sure how you feel?" James asked.

"I know how I feel, I just... don't know if I'd call it in love or not. It might be more like halfway between in love and just loving you. How should I know?"

James only chuckled. "Well, whatever it is, it's good enough for me. If you're wanting to give this a try, that is."

"I am." He'd spent so many days trying to avoid James's confession, and all he'd needed to do was think about how he felt, not worry about what James wanted to hear him say. 

[tpwkjerii]

as you wish | 4

your one true love was lost in a pirate accident five years ago, and now you’re engaged to a cruel prince. with all your misfortune, you didn’t expect three unconventional thugs and a painfully familiar pirate to save you from a dreadful future. (inspired by The Princess Bride)

pairing: pirate!seokjin x princess!reader

warnings: fluff and angst (!!), reader is forced into engagement and becoming a princess, mentions of death, murder threats, mentions of tourture, cursing, jin isn’t in this part much (but he will be in the next one!!), hobi is the best person ever, dungeon/imprisonment, not rlly proofread 🗿

genre: fairy tale/pirate au, semi established relationship au

word count: 4.2k+

a/n: second to last part oooo. sorry that this is late - exams suck :(( i hope you guys like this part!! pls leave comments/likes as they always help me improve <33

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The silence was deafening. For a while, once both sides saw each other, no one made an effort to move.

You froze by Jin’s side and gripped his arm so tightly you worried it would hurt him, but Jin paid no mind to it as he guarded you with his tall figure.

Donghae and his soldiers rested stone-faced atop their armored horses, their swords hanging idly from their waists or backs. In those few moments, the Prince had an indiscernible facial expression. His eyebrows and eyes were relaxed as if he was nonchalant about the entire situation, but his lips were pursed into a firm line that suggested otherwise.

Another testament to your unfortunate engagement: even after two years of being his “fiancee”, you had no idea how to truly read Donghae. He was terrifying in that sense — the constant unreadability of his face and deceiving tone his voice carried kept everyone around him, including you, on their toes. One word could set off the crown prince, and his power could unleash a fiery wrath that most people trembled at the thought of.

His intense gaze on you and the slight quirk in his brow when your lips quivered in fear signified that he was waiting for you to speak first. Ironically, this was the first time he had ever been so courteous as to let you talk first.

You swallowed harshly and gathered every ounce of will in you to step out from behind Seokjin’s protective body and instead guard him. Pushing his urgent hands, desperate to pull you behind him again, away, you straightened your stance. With a clear and steady voice, you said, “If you promise not to hurt Seokjin, I’ll go with you.”

Donghae smiled terrifyingly at you, ready to unleash the venom of his lips. “You speak and bargain like you have a choice to go with me or not.”

Your eyes met his sharp ones. “You may think that you have the upper hand, Donghae,” you paused, taking a fleeting glance back at Jin, “but I promise you that you will regret every day you spend walking on this planet if you hurt Seokjin.”

The crown prince scoffed and turned to face the soldier next to him. “My bride seems to care an awful lot about another man, doesn’t she?” He turned towards you as he spoke the last two words.

It was your turn to scoff in disbelief. You didn’t even think about the words as they escaped you. “Don’t act like there was ever love in this wretched communion.”

Donghae’s eyes darkened as he absorbed your words. He felt the gaze of his soldiers, who were watching the tense interaction, burning on him. “Fine. Seokjin,” Donghae spit the name bitterly, “leaves freely, and you come with me.”

In one swift move, he kicked the side of his horse, advanced towards you and Seokjin, and tugged you to the side of the tall horse.

“Y/N, no!” Jin cried, instantly drawing his sword. The surrounding soldiers did the same, and the harsh sound of the molded steel brushing against their metal sheaths unsettled you.

“Jin, stop!” Your feet move and your arm extends in an attempt to reach him, but you’re quickly wrenched back by Donghae. “Please!” you shout, your eyes meeting his in a panic as the soldiers circled him, their swords pointed right at him.

The look that you shared told several sentences at once; a connected gaze of pure desperation. You begged him silently, begged him to give up before you lost him and he lost you for good. With great sadness, he understood.

“As you wish,” he whispered, voice barely audible to you, and dropped his arm to his side, his sword swaying uselessly by his legs.

Your eyes teared up when he averted his gaze from you. You desperately wished to reach out to him, to comfort him by saying you could run away with him. But Donghae’s firm hold on you prevented you from doing either.

“Drop him off at the next town over; I don’t want to see him in the capital city.” Donghae’s command was sharp, and amidst your teary sadness you missed the sly glint in his eye as he ordered his soldiers.

You gasped when Donghae harshly tugged you up and behind him on top of the horse. Jin turned at the noise, and you exchanged one last melancholy gaze before Donghae kicked the horse and quickly trotted away. Tears escaped your eyes as Jin’s figure grew smaller and smaller. Only one thing comforted you in this solemn moment: Jin was safe — alive and safe.

“You’ve had an adventurous past few days haven’t you?” Donghae asked, his tone sharp and unforgiving. “Anything you wish to share?”

You kept your face away from him and remained silent.

“Does my bride not wish to speak to me?”

He laughed dryly at your quietness. “You’ll speak to me whether you like it or not come Friday.”

Your brows furrowed at his words. If you counted the days correctly, then today was currently Tuesday.  What did Donghae have planned that would make you talk to him within a few days?

He observed your confused facial expression before continuing, “My father passed away the night of your disappearance.” Your face dropped and you turned to face him. He scoffed and shook his head. “Don’t blame yourself, you weren’t of importance to him. He finally succumbed to his illness.”

Your face screwed together at his apathetic behavior.

“Which means, my coronation and our wedding have been advanced. We are to be wed on Friday.”

All color drained from your face and your mouth dried. The shock temporarily halted your ability to breathe, and you found yourself barely listening as Donghae went on.

“I expect perfect behavior from this moment on, understood?”

You looked away from him — another attempt to show your dismay. But it was no use as his hand instantly raised and roughly gripped your face as he turned your head to face him. “I asked, do you understand?” His voice was low and threatening, and you were sure that if he held onto your face any longer, it would leave a mark.

Your teary eyes quivered. “Yes,” you mustered out.

Your return to the castle was not a glamorous affair.

Donghae ordered the guards to escort you to your room and the maids to give you a bath and get rid of the “stench of another man”. You followed his words obediently, every inch of your body seeped in exhaustion and dejection. It wasn’t until after your hour-long bath and the maids finally left your suite when you were finally able to close your eyes and rest.

Unfortunately, your rest was short lived. A few moments after you laid down and just before you fully submitted to the god of sleep, a heavy knock rang in your room. You groaned and hoped that whoever it was would go away if you didn’t answer, but they only continued knocking.

With great reluctance, you pulled yourself out of bed and opened the heavy doors. Instantly, the disgruntled frown on your face was replaced with a shocked smile.

“Hobi!”

“Y/N!” he greeted back with comforting enthusiasm. Quickly, he pulled you into a hug, but the shock of seeing him again prevented you from immediately responding. “Are you not happy to see me?” he asked with a wary voice as he pulled away, frowning at your still body.

You shook your head. “No - no, I am! It’s just…” your voice trailed off as you inspected his face, which hadn’t changed at all even after two long years. “It’s been so long,” you finished softly.

“Too long; I’m sorry,” he replied gently, taking his hands into yours.

“Don’t apologize.” You smiled at him and gestured for him to enter your room and sit. “Why have you returned to the castle?” you asked once he sat down next to you at the edge of your bed.

“I’ve resumed my old post — well, my old post with a new duty of protecting you,” he answered simply, and the intense focus he had on keeping a straight face immediately told you that his response was a lie.

“You have? Why?” you challenged, crossing your arms.

“Boredom?” he replied weakly. You rolled your eyes at his dishonest response. You knew that Hobi, who was the only son of a powerful lord and had a loving partner at his lavish home, would not return to this castle as the Head Castle Guard out of boredom.

“No one in their right mind would return to this castle for fun.”

He sighed and grabbed your hands gently as he looked into your eyes. “I was worried about you, and it seems I had full reason to be.” You looked down with a flushed face as he continued, “When I first arrived yesterday morning, I was informed that you’d gone missing! At first I thought, good for you, because you were always miserable here, but then the stablekeeper insisted that you’d been taken — kidnapped!” His facial expression conveyed pure alarm, and you instantly felt guilty for worrying your friend, even if it wasn’t your fault.

Hobi’s face relaxed and he brought his arms tightly around you. “But it’s ok now. I’m glad you’re safe,” he whispered. You felt the vibrations of his words as your head rested against his chest, and the comforting feeling of his hands rubbing your back like a parent would to a child brought tears to your eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he felt your upper body starting to shake. He quickly released you and held your shoulders to look at your face. “Have I upset you?”

“No, not at all,” you started, trying your best to gather yourself and wipe away your flowing tears. He waited patiently for you to continue, only whispering “it’s alright” and “take your time” when you choked on your words.

Finally, after a few minutes, you calmed down. And so, everything spilled out of your mouth. You easily confided in Hobi, who was your only friend when you first arrived at the castle and whose sudden departure after a few months left you even lonelier, and told him everything that had happened the past few days. You talked about the three thugs and how they took you, your reunion with Seokjin and how you almost escaped, and how you had to marry Donghae in just a few days.

Like a good friend, Hobi listened to everything you had to say. He didn’t judge or interject — just listened. And when you finished your long recount of your journey, he comforted you. With his comforting arms wrapped around yours, his soft hands wiping away your tears, and his encouraging murmurs, you finally felt alright for the first time since you’ve reentered the castle.

“I know you were kidnapped,” Hobi started with a humorous smile on his face, “but it seems like you’re more upset about returning.”

You laughed at the irony of the situation. “I was scared at first, but,” you paused, reflecting back to the eccentric thugs you met and your true love, “they — Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin — weren’t that bad. Honestly, I kinda miss them.” You paused again to take a deep breath, bracing yourself to say his name. “And Seokjin… I miss him terribly, but I’m just relieved that he’s safe… It might be wishful thinking, but maybe we can be together again one day.”

“Don’t lose hope, Y/N,” Hobi said reassuringly as he brought you into another tight hug. “You’ll get your happy ending.”

Much to your relief, Hobi was still at your side even as you awoke the next morning. He made sure to dismiss the other guards, who obediently listened to his order as his subordinates, and take your breakfast from the maids so you could have your much-needed space.

“Make sure to eat, you need to keep your energy up,” he scolded you when he noticed that you barely touched the fruits and pastries he piled onto your plate.

You sighed and shoved a strawberry in your mouth to appease him, mumbling as you chewed, “It’s too early and I’m too sad to have an appetite.”

He tutted. “You’re not skipping meals on my watch.”

“You’re too kind to me, Hobi,” you said after swallowing another bite of your toast.

“Only the best for my closest friend,” he responded with a shining smile.

After breakfast, you changed into a day dress and went on a walk around the castle grounds with Hobi. Your unexpected departure from your quarters (and the rare smile on your face) shocked the castle staff members. It was probably the first time you smiled since Hobi left the castle and his post.

Hobi had a miraculous way of brightening everything (and almost everyone) he touched. His infectious smile, heartwarming laugh, and gentle movements were once — and now again — the highlights of your day. Even now, as you coped with the loss of Seokjin and your upcoming marriage, he managed to put a smile on your face.

“Just my thought, but,” you started, a friendly smile on your face as you walked through the colorful gardens with your right arm looped around Hobi’s, “I’m sure that Yoongi would be more than happy to accept a proposal and marry you by now. It’s been, what, nearly three years now since you started courting him?”

The tips of Hobi’s ears burned red as he shook his head. “I still fear that he isn’t ready, and that if I ask too soon it will ruin what we have now,” he admitted honestly.

You sighed and gestured for him to stop walking. He listened, and you took your hands into his and looked up into his shining brown eyes. “Hobi, you are one of the best people I know. Anyone would be lucky to have you, and if you’re really worried about Yoongi not being ready, then talk to him. I haven’t met him, but he seems like he wouldn’t get upset if you ask.”

“He wouldn’t,” Hobi responded quickly, the speed of his words causing his face to flush red as you looked at him with a smirk. “You’re right,” he said after a few moments while resuming the walk.

The two of you continued your walk into noon, during which you ate a small lunch together, and the early evening. Within a few hours, your friendship was the talk of the castle staff. You tried to ignore the glances that a few servants gave you and the growing feeling of dread in your stomach when you returned to your suite and noticed that instead of your lady’s maids waiting outside, Donghae’s personal guard was.

You walked cautiously towards your open door and stiffened when you entered the room, immediately noticing Donghae sitting on the edge of your bed. This was the third time he’s ever entered your suite, and you didn’t anticipate it would be better than his previous visits.

Silently, you walked past him and sat down in front of your vanity. You remained quiet as you removed your jewelry, waiting for him to speak first.

“Why am I hearing whispers that my bride is in an adulterous relationship with her personal guard?” His voice was harsh, and you distracted yourself from flinching by picking up your tub of facial cream.

You eyed Donghae through your vanity mirror, carefully observing his scornful face. “Hobi? Don’t be ridiculous,” you quickly responded and placed your face cream down. Your heart beat faster as you saw Donghae advance towards you from the corner of your eye.

His hand gripped your shoulder firmly. “Ridiculous? I told you I expected perfect behavior. Prancing around with your guard is far from that.”

You turned to face him with a solemn expression. “Hobi is a friend — a friend. I don’t expect you to understand considering you have no idea what friendship even is.”

The prince’s lip curled into a snarl. “Shut up!” he shouted, the volume of his words causing you to flinch in your seat. Donghae turned away from you towards the guard at your door, commanding menacingly, “Get rid of him.”

Your heart dropped and you instantly stood, the heavy stool under you dragging loudly against the stone floor. “No! Don’t you dare!”

“And who are you to stop me?” he snarled.

Your hands balled up by your sides, and you couldn’t contain your anger as you responded, “You can do many things to me - you have done much to me - but I will not let you harm the one person in this castle who has truly tried to be my friend and did nothing but try to make me happy.”

Donghae laughed dryly. “Happy? Do you truly believe you deserve the right to be happy?”

You clenched your hands even tighter, feeling as if you were about to break your own skin, and your voice lowered to a threatening whisper. “If you even think about harming Hobi, I will end you myself, Donghae. I have nothing to lose.”

“You said the same thing about Seokjin,” Donghae replied with a smug smirk, his words causing your face to fall in confusion. “And I still beat you.”

“Wh-what?” you stuttered, a feeling of pure terror seeping through every inch of your body. You couldn’t forgive yourself if Jin was hurt — the mere thought alone brought warm tears to your eyes.

Donghae didn’t respond; instead, he turned back to his guard and pointed at you. “Take her to the dungeons, maybe a few days will knock sense into her ungrateful mind.”

“What have you done to Jin?” you cried, your voice shaky with desperation. You shouted as his guard grabbed your hands and harshly pulled them together behind your back. “Donghae, I’m talking to you!” you screamed at his retreating figure. “Shim Donghae!”

The cruel prince turned the corner and walked away, the sound of his heavy footsteps growing quieter as he walked down the hallway. You waited until the thump of his steps fully disappeared before turning to face the guard.

“I assume you’re not kind enough to let me go,” you mumbled weakly.

He remained stone-faced, and you sighed in mild disappointment. His expression morphed into confusion when you muttered a quiet apology, and his face twisted once your foot made harsh contact with his shin.

You took advantage of his distracted state and twisted your body so your knee could meet his crotch. He doubled over in pain, and you easily slipped out of his grip. Watching his sluggish movements carefully, you reached over for the empty vase on your vanity and, in one swift movement, knocked it over his head.

The guard’s body fell limply onto the ground, and you wasted no time in placing the cracked, bloodied vase back onto the table and running out of your room.

Your heart pounded loudly in your chest as you darted through the long halls and down the stairs. “Please, please, please,” you whispered repeatedly towards yourself as you pushed yourself to run faster.

Finally, after what felt like minutes of running, you reached the floor Hobi’s suite was on. You turned the corner towards his chambers, ignoring the ugly ripping sound your dress made as your feet stumbled, and desperately reached to push open his door.

“Hobi! Hobi! Hurry! You have to leave!” you announced between breathy pants as you staggered into his room.

“What?” He stood up immediately, alarmed by your urgency as you pulled him towards his window. Luckily, Hobi’s quarters was on the first floor and towards the front of the castle, allowing him a relatively easy escape if he moved fast enough.

“I - there’s no time to explain!” you cried, pulling his window open. “Don’t gather your belongings! You must leave now!”

“Why?” he asked, grabbing your frantic hands and holding them securely in an attempt to calm you down. But it was no use as you shook them off and continued to push him towards the window.

“Donghae’s out for you! He can’t harm you when you’re in your own home! Please go now!” you explained rapidly, praying that you wouldn’t hear the familiar sound of heavy feet running down the hall towards the room.

Hobi’s face fell. “If he’s out for me then he’s out for you,” he noted softly. In another non-life-threatening situation, you may have found his selflessness endearing, but right now, you wanted nothing more than for him to leave safely.

“Please… leave. I won’t let you get hurt.” Your voice was reduced to a quiet, frantic whisper. “You have a family.”

Hobi shook his head and squeezed your hand. “Go with me! I can protect you!”

The idea was tempting, but your thoughts immediately returned back to Donghae’s cryptic words about Seokjin, and you instantly knew that leaving with Hobi wouldn’t be the right option. “I can’t. There’s something I must confirm.”

Hobi’s face faltered, and you knew he wanted to argue more, but urgency began to flow through his veins when a distant shout rang through the castle. Both of you knew then that he was running out of time.

Hobi wrapped his arms around you and squeezed you reassuringly, whispering, “I’ll come back for you, please stay safe and don’t do anything stupid.”

“I promise,” you responded, but you both heard the uncertainty behind your words.

With that, he pulled back and gave you one last look, your teary eyes meeting his. You knew it was difficult for him to leave you at a time like this, but both of you understood that this was for the best.

Quickly, Hobi slipped out through the window, and you could barely see his dark shadow as he ran away from the castle and towards the open gates. You watched from the open window, and you breathed a sigh of relief when you saw him easily walk through the gates and towards the bustling town.

Only a few seconds later, the distinguishable sound of footsteps pounding against the floor rang from the hall. Closing your eyes to brace yourself, you sat underneath the window and waited for the guards to storm in.

Their steps grew louder, and you mentally counted down the time.

3...2...1

The door burst open, and you kept your eyes shut as the soldiers entered.

“Where is -”

“He’s gone,” you answered abruptly, your eyes still shut. “By now, Hobi will be safe at home with Lord Jung and Viscount Min.”

“Prince Donghae ordered us to-”

Your eyes flew open in anger. “I don’t care what Donghae has ordered you to do. Everyone knows that no one, even the royal family, can’t touch Lord Jung and his family.”

The front guard’s jaw clenched in anger, and you could see the frustration building in his eyes.

Despite the anxious nerves bubbling in your stomach, you continued to provoke the guard. “Isn’t it frustrating?” you asked with feigned innocence. “When things don’t turn out the way you want.” You laughed bitterly. “Did you really think I would just stand still?”

The guard walked towards you and aggressively pulled you up, not wasting any time to tie your hands behind your back. “You’re going to regret your foolish actions,” he muttered darkly as he harshly tugged you out of the room with him, the other guards following closely behind you.

You laughed emptily. “I regret nothing.”

“Enjoy your time rotting here, bitch.”

You whimpered as the guard roughly shoved your body into the dark dungeon cell. Stumbling to regain your footing since your hands were bound, you cursed as you heard the metal gate closed and locked behind you.

Once you were fully upright, you whirled around and walked to the steel bars, placing your hands on them before declaring, “I would like to speak with Donghae.”

The guard in front of you scoffed. “Prince Donghae is occupied this evening.”

“I don’t care,” you uttered. “Tell him I must see him now.” You slipped your arm through the bars in an attempt to grab him, but the guard spun around and moved out of the way before you could touch him. You grumbled as he started to walk away. “Don’t you dare walk away!” you screamed. “What have you done with Seokjin?”

The guard halted in his steps before turning back to face you with a menacing smirk. “Trust me, Princess, your lover is having anything but fun as we speak.”

At his words, you felt your heart drop and your head spin. A cold, suffocating sensation spread across your chest as your knees buckled underneath you. Hot, angry tears rolled down your face while you clutched your knees to your chest.

Your head throbbed as you thought of Jin and what they could be putting him through. Donghae’s torture tactics were not unbeknownst to you, and you often cringed in horror when you overheard him talking about them. It was one of the things about the Prince that truly made you question if he was really a human.

As you shut your eyes, you could see and hear Jin screaming in pain. Hurt and betrayal swam in his teary eyes — a stinging reminder that this was your fault. How could you have been so foolish to think that Donghae would really let Jin go freely?

“Oh, Jin,” you cried quietly with your head down. Your chest heaved as sobs started to wrack your body. “Please… please be ok,” you begged softly.

[angstsfordays]

Beautiful Pain (8)

Chapter Eight- It Starts Today

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced! Reader

Summary: Post-Blip, you started to feel lost when most of the Avengers team are gone. Coping with your loss, you still find hope in the connection with your remaining friends. However, it is not easy as everyone is trying to figure their lives after the Blip.

Having a long history with Bucky ever since you both saved each other from Hydra, you were still glad you had Bucky after all this time. However, as you try to give Bucky space to find himself after being pardoned for his past, you start to wonder if you should ever cross the line of friendship before it’s too late.

That thought might have to be put on hold though, when you, Sam and Bucky find yourselves having to deal with threats that continue to rise in a post-Blip world.

Chapter synopsis: You aren’t sure how to move on from the aftermath of Latvia. Was it time for you to confront your feelings for Bucky or would you retreat back, pretending as if nothing ever happened?

Warnings: Fluffiness. Slow-burn but we're getting there! Perhaps some tear-inducing moments! 😭

Word count: 61k

Notes: Hi! I’m back after my assignment submission. Currently on a short break before an exam is due in 2 weeks. Ever since the series ended, not gonna lie I was a little unmotivated to write. However, I didn’t want to let down all those who have supported this series so far.

Hope you enjoy this chapter! 🥰 Btw, I legit bawled my eyes writing the last part! 🥲

Please give support by leaving likes, comments or helping to reblogs! Thank you! 🙏🏼

Previous: Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven

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“I’m surprised you’re still here. Figured you would be resting at home after what had happened.” Melissa, the manager of the social service centre you work for came by your desk.

“Sorry, I took urgent leave.” Looking up from the backlog of paperwork that had accumulated, you gave a sheepish smile at how much you had to get done. Melissa leaned her weight on the side of your desk and glanced down to your tired eyes.

“It’s fine, Y/N. But I don’t know if diving back into work is really the best for you now. ” You closed your eyes and let out a heavy sigh. Pinching the bridge of your nose, your eyes opened to see Melissa looking down at you in concern.

You were grateful for her check-in. Despite your so-called Avengers status, she never treated you like you were special. You still recalled the day where you stepped into her office for an interview for an open position on her team. The shell-shocked expression she had when she recognised who had decided to show up for a job interview in her office on a Tuesday morning was priceless.

“I don’t understand. Why would you be applying for a regular job here? I would expect you to continue your superhero career?”

Melissa asked with a hint of doubt before looking through your resume. Tactical negotiation skills do seem like an asset they could really use here in social work….

“There’s no more Avengers now…. Besides, I’m tired of fighting and I’m ready to do something else. I like to believe the real heroic work lies in our community.”

Your response took Melissa by surprise, in a good way of course. There was no hint of superiority that you exuded. What she saw in front of her was a woman who seemed earnest to do good work for her community.

“Any other things you would like to add on to show how you can contribute to the team?” Melissa looked at you in a renewed light and she inwardly smiled at the sight of you deep in thought to find an interesting response like any other nervous interviewee.

“I’m basically a human heater. I could step up to help if the electrical heater is not working in the winter?” The expression you had on your face after giving your reply made Melissa chuckled out loud. You inwardly cringed at your seemingly lame response but eased up when you see Melissa breaking out into a laugh.

“Perfect. Welcome to the team, Y/N.” Melissa extended her hand towards you and yours eagerly reached out to return the gesture.

Working with the social service centre here in New York had been great. You had finally found renewed passion in your life after the events of the Blip and the loss of your friends.

Everyone at the office made up a close-knitted family-like working environment and it was an added bonus that Melissa was an amazing boss too and became an unexpected confidant of yours. You felt like you finally found your place once again.

“Work keeps my mind busy. I much rather be busy than being left alone to my thoughts.” You were referring to your own overthinking with the whole Bucky situation. It had only been a few days since you returned back from Latvia, but it felt painfully long.

Melissa looked over you once more in concern. She knew that you were more than willing to share your thoughts openly with her as you two have established a close friendship outside of work for the past few months. However, she knew that they were still some things that you kept to yourself in private.

While you always maintained an optimistic front, she knew that you were only human and susceptible to darker and deeper emotions especially after all you had been through.

“Hey, Joey is making a coffee run at that new coffee place around the block. They’re having a 1 for 1 coffee deal today. You want your usual?” Nodding gratefully, Melissa gave your shoulder a light squeeze before moving off.

You swivelled your office chair back to face your laptop. The words on the screen didn’t seem to focus as your mind was clouded with the recollection of what had happened after witnessing John did the unthinkable.

What he did back in Latvia had become international news the very same day, the amount of scrutiny and support for him were head-to-head on the internet. The news on television ever since you returned home had been covering it day and night. As you recalled back the order of events that happened back in Latvia, you could feel an invisible weight in your mind and heart.

Sam and Bucky went to find John while you tried to manage the aftermath of everything that had happened. You helped to settle things with Lemar and assisted in the reports that had to be accounted back to the authorities back in the states.

When Sam and Bucky returned back to find you, they filled you in on what happened and you learnt that they had to forcibly take back the shield from John. It was too dangerous to even let John have the shield anymore, given what he had done to Nico. You were sure that it must not have been an easy fight as you recalled the bruises on each man’s face.

The three of you had another meeting once everything was settled. You were disgruntled to learn that Karli and her group were once again on the run and you were all sure that she would now make sure that she’s impossible to be found.

Looking back and forth between your two boys who found themselves at a standstill, you quietly figured that this was the end of the mission regarding Karli. Even if it was for a brief moment, you felt happy to have worked with them. It almost felt like a sense of normalcy as you worked as a team again.

The reality was that you knew Sam and Bucky still had a strict working relationship and you ever wondered if there was a chance for all three of you to work together again as the Avengers. Preparing yourself for the disappointment, you silently watched as your boys exchanged silent looks once more.

“I guess this is goodbye.” You first spoke up amidst the silence. Both men looked up in surprise when you decided to voice out the reality of the situation. You walked over to Sam to give him a goodbye hug and lingered for a moment as he gave you a couple of pats on your back.

“You take care, alright? You know you can reach out to me anytime.” Sam assured you to which you returned a grateful smile.

“Of course, see you soon hopefully.”

As you pulled away from Sam, you turned to see Bucky standing with an unreadable expression on his face. Walking gingerly towards him, you wiped off the non-existent palm sweat on the side of your pants as your heartbeat started to pick up.

“Hey.” It was just one word but you felt yourself choking to utter it out. You weren’t sure how to face Bucky especially from whatever happened back with Karli.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to address the elephant in the room but you figured that you could brush it under the rug if it didn’t seem like Bucky was intending to talk about it too. There was a brief awkward silence before you decided to break it.

“I know you still have unfinished business” Bucky’s eyes glanced off to the side and then to the ground before they met yours. Bucky was not surprised that you understood him so well. Yes, he had unfinished business with Zemo and he needed to follow through with it.

However, he also wanted to badly talk things out with you. Many revelations had come to light unexpectedly from one event to another and he wanted clarity.

“You wanna come?” Giving a brief smile at his invite, you considered it for a brief second. After everything that happened from Germany to Madripoor and to Latvia, you believed you needed to take a step back.

You would have never thought that your deep-seated feelings for Bucky would ever come to light, and it was in the worst-case scenario imagined.

What should have been a private and intimate revelation had turned out otherwise. Karli had inadvertently outed you and you were forced to confront your feelings for Bucky before you were even ready.

As much you wanted to talk things out with Bucky, it was not the right timing. Not with Zemo still out there roaming freely. Unfortunately, work needed to come first in this situation and you had to let it take priority over your heart.

Immediately as you shook your head, you could see the puzzled expression painted on Bucky’s face. He did not expect your response as he figured you would have been more than willing to accompany him.

“You don’t need me, Buck.” You were wrong, Bucky thought. Yes, he could handle Zemo on his own but he wanted nothing more than to have you by his side especially since he had learnt of your deeper feelings for him. He didn’t want to let you leave just yet.

Wrapping your arms behind his neck, you pulled Bucky slightly down in an embrace before placing a short peck on his lips. “See you around, Buck.”

“Change of plans, Sam. Mind if I head back with you?” Seeing you turning your back to walk back to Sam, Bucky could feel a sense of disappointment and hurt washing over him. Tuning out Torres’ comments, Bucky stalked out of the door.

-------------------------//---------------------------

It was not difficult to figure out where Zemo would have escaped to. As the memorial statue to commemorate those who had fallen in the events of Ultron came into sight, Bucky’s fingers clenched tighter around the gun he had been holding.

“I thought you would be here sooner. Don’t worry, I’ve decided I’m not going to kill you-” Zemo could see Bucky in his peripheral line of sight.

“Imagine my relief.” Bucky returned sarcastically. Zemo turned to meet Bucky before he continued to speak.

“Or your pretty friend.” A small smirk formed on Zemo’s face as he sees Bucky clicked the gun in his hand with a hardened look.

“You touch her and I would end you right here.” It was almost satisfying to get a rile out of Bucky and Zemo knew you were his weak point.

He scoffed at how it was clear as day to everyone that you two had something deeper beyond friendship or camaraderie. And yet, the two of you chose to never address it.

Zemo then went on to talk about how Karli was beyond redemption and that warning Sam had been a futile attempt. He believed Bucky had the will to actually do what’s necessary, given that he was indeed programmed to kill.

Bucky was seething with silent rage. He was not a killer anymore. Zemo’s mere insinuation only served to remind him how people never changed their perspective on him. Bucky responded that he would figure out a way that didn’t pander to Zemo’s drastic methods.

Raising his right arm, the gun was pointed towards Zemo. The rush of emotions overcame Bucky as he thought about how Zemo made his life hell, accusing him of a crime he didn’t commit.

Despite some truths to his words, Zemo was relentless and pragmatic in achieving his goals and he was deemed too dangerous to be left unattended.

Gripping the gun tightly, Bucky cocked back the trigger and let it go. Zemo accepted his fate, knowing he had done Bucky wrong. The sound that followed next was not as deafening as the silence that followed next. Zemo then realised Bucky had indeed managed to move on from his past and did not succumb to his darker desires to kill him.

Bucky watched on as the Dora Milajae came to escort Zemo, with plans to take him to the raft where he would face imprisonment for the rest of his life.

Ayo came up to Bucky’s and advised him that it would be best if he avoids coming back to Wakanda for the time being. Bucky agreed that it was fair.

“Give my regards to Y/N.” Bucky nodded once more at Ayo’s words, however, the masked expression on his face did not go unnoticed by the Dora Milajae’s second in command.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No, uhm-nothing. It’s fine.” Ayo gave Bucky a knowing glance before bidding him goodbye.

“Hey, I might have another favour to ask of you.”

-------------------------//---------------------------

Sam: How have you been doing?

Y/N: Alright…I’m busy with work. :)

Sam: Have you spoken with Bucky?

Y/N: Not really, I know he’s probably finishing up business in Sokovia.

Sam: Shouldn’t he be back home by now?

Y/N: To be honest, I’m not sure. I haven’t reached out and he didn’t contact me either.

Sam: Hey, are you alright?

Y/N: Honestly….no…I thought I could distract myself with work but my mind has never been rested ever since Latvia.

Y/N: I don’t know how to face him after what went down. Just wanna bury me in a deep hole or maybe get snapped again. Hmmm….

Sam: Girl, have you gone mad?

Y/N: Maybe

Sam: Hey, why not come over to my place for the weekend? You can finally meet Sarah and the boys.

Y/N: Oh no, Sam. I could never intrude.

Sam: What are you talking about? I invited you!

Y/N: ……….

Sam: Come on! Hey, you ever been on a fishing boat before?

Y/N: Not that I could recall of….

Sam: Then that’s perfect! Come check out my family’s boat, although it’s not in the best shape. Been trying to spruce it up and get it back to its former glory….

Y/N: Alright, dad.

Sam: Hey, watch your manners.

Y/N: HAHAHA ;) See you soon!

-------------------------//---------------------------

You were pumped to head down to Sam’s hometown for the weekend. It was long overdue after hearing about them so much.

Adjusting the strap of your duffle bag, you gingerly walked to the front door and gave a few knocks. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ears, you fidgeted on your toes, hoping that you would be able to make a good first impression.

When the door opened, your eyes first looked to see no one until you averted them down. You saw a young boy with glasses looking up at you with curious eyes. Mustering your best smile, you let out a warm greeting. “Hi!”

“Who’s that AJ?” You heard a woman’s voice calling after the boy in front of you.

“Mum, there’s an Avenger at the door!” The boy hollered back before running back into the house. You weren’t sure what to do next so you remained where you stood. Within a matter of seconds, the woman you had heard about so much appeared right in front of your sight.

“Oh, hi! You must be Y/N.”

“Er-yes, I am!” You returned enthusiastically and Sarah, as she introduced herself ushered you into the door. Your eyes roamed around the homey and cosy décor that filled the Wilson home.

“I didn’t expect you to show up so early! Have you eaten?” Nodding in response, Sarah pointed out to where you could put your bag down and went back to hustling in the kitchen. You told her you already had a quick bite before coming over and she looked at you with a pleasing smile.

“Sam’s actually at the dock right now,” Sarah informed you and you blanched at the thought of being by yourself without Sam to be a buffer for your first meeting with his family. However, your worries were for nothing as Sarah welcomed you warmly.

“Don’t worry, you can join me, I’m heading over too.” Her friendly demeanour eased your initial nervousness and you nodded eagerly in response.

As you and Sarah made your way over to the docks, the two of you fell into easy conversation. You learnt from her that she was struggling to keep the family business afloat and how they couldn’t even manage to get a loan from the bank.

Nevertheless, Sam was determined and managed to call in favours from their close-knitted community to chip in some help. A sudden wave of guilt washed over you when you realised that Sam had been facing real problems of his own and that you weren’t aware of it to help.

You had wished that you had been a better friend. Being the kind soul she was, Sarah dismissed your negative thoughts and reassured you that it was alright. From what Sam had spoken of you, she was eager to meet you herself.

“Sam says you always have his back when you are all out there in all the action.”

“Of course, we are a team. Sam’s a great person so it’s not hard to be there for him when he needs it.” Hearing your answer had Sarah throw a grateful smile your way. She was glad that Sam had someone he could trust while he’s out fighting the threats of the world.

As you two approached a medium-sized boat, you could make out the figure of Sam from a distance. You were excited to run up to greet him but it was the second figure on the boat that you stopped in your tracks.

A high-pitch whistle suddenly burst into your eardrums and you realised one of the pipes from the boat was loose. You saw Bucky heading down to help Sam and you gulped nervously as you continued to watch the scene happening in front of you.

You were definitely not expecting to see Bucky here in Louisiana. Why was he even here? Your eyes moved to see Sarah moving closer to where the men stood and Bucky introduced himself with a charming smile.

Sarah returned his greeting politely and looked over to Sam. “Hey, Sam! Look who I brought.”

Back turned, you were hoping to escape unnoticed, yet you were too slow as you heard Sam calling out for you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Slowly turning your back, you were greeted by the sight of Sam and Bucky looking with equally confused expressions on their faces.

Not knowing what to say, your eyes blinked far more than times than normal as you tried to straighten up and looked convincing. “Toilet?” You muttered out hesitantly. Sam was not convinced at all as one of his brows was raised in question.

“You came all the way to my hometown, the least you could do is say hi first.” Grimacing and giving a sorry look, you made your way to the boat and Sam helped you down.

“Hey, Sam. Thanks for inviting me.” You spoke as you gave him a hug in greeting. Bucky was surprised, to say the least. He was only stopping by to drop a package for Sam but he never expected to see you here.

He had trouble reaching out to you, crafting messages every other hour and deleting them before deciding to not contact you at all. He was wondering if you were still mad at him from when he last saw you in Latvia.

“Wait, what are you doing here, Y/N?”

“Sam invited me to come to stay with his family for the weekend, like a getaway.” Meeting Bucky’s bright eyes always did something to your guts. Your breath hitched at how he could so simply beautiful with the sea view set against his back.

“Or more like I want to introduce you to my family and planned a surprise proposal so that we can be engaged by the end of the week.” Sam’s arm landed with a slight thud around your shoulders. You turned to see him wiggling his brows and donning a mischievous smile.

Eyes widening once you processed his words, you can’t help a chuckle as you knew that Sam was trying to crack a witty joke to mess with Bucky. Bucky looked like he was about to actually combust and kill Sam with his fiercest glare.

“Oh Sam, what a way to ruin the surprise. I expected you to be more romantic.” You quipped back to play along to his shenanigans. Sam ruffled your hair endearingly before looking to Bucky who didn’t seem one bit amused.

“Woah, I’m just kidding. Would you look at his face? Man, I got you good.” A wide smile broke out on Sam’s face before he started cackling.

“That’s not funny.” Buck look to the side and gave out a short sigh of relief. He looked back at you with an unreadable expression. Sensing the tension in the atmosphere, Sam believed it was time to leave you two alone.

“Remember to thank me later,” Sam whispered into your ear before giving you a pat on your shoulder. Your brows furrowed in confusion as you looked at him walking off to the other end of the boat.

Bucky still continued to stand at his spot and you took the first step towards him. He was still silent and giving you an infamous brooding stare. Bringing two fingers to the corner of his lips, you gently lifted each side up to force Bucky into a smile.

“You are going to look physically 106 for real if you continue to frown like that.” You teased Bucky in hopes that he could ease up.

“Blame Sam.” He huffed like a little child who got nagged by his mother.

“Sam was just joking. You know that.” You removed your fingers from his cheeks and Bucky immediately missed the touch that you gave.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Give me a smile.” Seeing your doe eyes looking at him adorably, Bucky felt his icy exterior melting. Pretending to clear his throat, he looked to the side before facing you with a tight but warm smile. His smile widened when he saw you returning a big grin.

For a moment, it didn’t feel like what happened in Latvia had crossed both of your minds. It was just back to the way things had been before. It was safe and comfortable. But was it what you really wanted?

Were you just going to ignore your feelings for Bucky forever?

“Are you two continuing to get lost in each other’s eyes?” Sam’s holler snapped you and Bucky out of your moment. The two of you awkwardly shifted before heading over to where Sam was. You both offered to help Sam on his family boat to speed things up.

It was a truly therapeutic afternoon for all three of you. Free from the world fighting and just hanging out as a bunch of friends (more so of your thought than the boys). The entire time, Bucky was subtlety (or not) flexing his strength as he took charge of most of the heavy work.

You could see the impressive looks from some of the community members that walked past and you smirked at how Bucky was trying his best to look unbothered from the attention.

“My welding machine is broken when I managed to find it, sorry Sam.” One of the elders stopped by the boat to tell Sam and he reassured that it was fine. However, you could still see his worried expression.

“I guess it’s time for me to step up.” You exclaimed while putting down the sanding paper in your hands. You asked Sam to guide you to what needed to be welded together. Extending two fingers together to mimic a gun, you gathered flame-like energy and started to weld the pieces of metal together like it was nothing.

You didn’t realise you had attracted a small crowd as everyone gathered to see the woman who was shooting fire out of her fingertips. “That’s so cool!” A young boy yelled in excitement as he jumped up and down.

Once you’re done, you looked to see the several kids clapping fervently. You gave your best smile and threw in a two-finger salute their way.

“Seems like you have fans now,” Bucky remarked to which you smirked coyly. “What are you talking about? I always have fans.”

After everything was done for the day, Sam brought you all some cold beer to end things right. Clinking your bottles, you took a seat beside Sam as Bucky talked about how he needed to get a hotel for the night before catching his flight out tomorrow.

As he spoke, he looked over to you with an expecting look before he took another gulp of beer. Sam scoffed before convincing Bucky to stay for the night with his family. Bucky still awkwardly shifted as he tried to decline the offer.

You felt a slight jab in your waist and turned to see Sam nodding over to Bucky.

“Come on Bucky, I’m also imposing here too. Don’t leave me by myself.” Just when Bucky was sure that he would flat out refuse Sam, your words managed to bring him back. He chuckled at you giving a sad puppy look before he admitted defeat.

As the three of you returned to Sam’s house, you all washed up and got ready for dinner that Sarah prepared. You offered to help despite her insistence that you’re a guest. It was such a nice peaceful moment when all of you squeezed around the now seemingly small table now that you and Bucky joined in.

Nevertheless, dinner went well and the conversations were great. AJ and Cass heard from the kids in the neighbourhood about what you did and asked you to do a little demonstration before they got silenced by their mother.

“Are you like Uncle Sam’s girlfriend?” You choked on the water that you had just drunk and Sam who was beside you helped to pat your back down.

All attention went to little AJ who looked very serious in having his question answered. All the adults at the table didn’t know whether to laugh or panic at his seemingly innocent query.

Sarah handed you a napkin to wipe your face and you smiled gratefully. Bucky was experiencing a gnawing feeling. Sure, it was a kid asking an innocent question but it bothered him more than it should. His eyes averted to where you sat and he saw how you were trying to come up with a response.

“What makes you think so, kid?” Sam quipped in before extending an arm out to wrap around your shoulders. The spoon in Bucky’s hand was on the verge of being bent into half.

“I don’t know. You never bring a girl home.” AJ’s reasoning had you giggling at his adorable nature.

“Well, how about it babe? Should we tell them?” Sam looked at you with a smug look. You turned to see Bucky trying to look neutral but you knew his irritated look when you saw one.

“Sam….” You spoke in a warning tone before he snickered. Sam threw his hands up in defeat before turning back to his nephew to explain.

“Y/N’s a friend, she’s like a buddy to me.” Sam ruffled your hair before giving a pat on your head.

“You have someone you like, Auntie Y/N? Can I call you auntie?” Cass chimed into the conversation and your facial expression betrayed you before you couldn’t even pretend.

You sent a fleeting glance to a person with bright cerulean eyes before you cleared your throat and nodded to Cass.

“It’s a secret.” You spoke with a mischievous glint in your eyes. Finger raising up to your lips, you let out a small spark of energy which wowed the two young boys. You threw in an extra wink before you all resumed dinner.

The spoon in Bucky's hand was saved from being rendered useless. Letting out a relieved sigh, Bucky's heart started to pick up again as he thought about your response.

When would he able to catch you at the right time to talk?

-------------------------//---------------------------

AJ shared his room with his mum while Sam bunked in with Cass for the night. You took Sam’s room while Bucky took the couch downstairs. Sleep didn’t come easy for you that night and you decided to make your way down.

Once you were on the last step, you could see Bucky stretched out on the small couch. You made sure to be as quiet as possible before going to get a glass of water. Once you had your drink, you walked over and stopped a few feet short of where Bucky was.

The moonlight from the window added a beautiful glow onto him and you smiled at how he had a peaceful expression on his face as he slept.

Taking silent steps, you kneeled down near to where his head was. Seeing how he was letting out soft breaths, you believed that he was deep in a peaceful slumber.

You couldn't stop yourself from reaching out to brush the tips of his hair before sliding your fingers to stroke the apple of his cheeks. You smiled to yourself looking at the endearing sight in front of you.

Figuring you didn't want to stay on acting like a creep, you stood up and tucked yourself further into the warmth of your woolly cardigan.

You tiptoed to the front door and walked out to the lake by the Wilson house.

Breathing in the fresh air, you took in the beautiful night view and admired how the moon was reflected on the lake.

“Y/N.” Your eyes were closed and you wondered if you were hearing things. When your name was called a second time, you realised it wasn't just imagination anymore.

Letting out a shaky breath, you turned to see Bucky walking towards you with a nervous look. It dawned upon you that the inevitable moment had arrived. Now that you both had a temporary moment of peace from the non-stop fighting, you figured it was time to have the talk.

Standing face to face with Bucky, your gaze concentrated on the space beyond his shoulders. You weren’t sure how to face him in the eye yet.

It felt like minutes had passed before Bucky gathered up the courage to speak first. His hands were in his pockets as he looked down on the ground awkwardly.

“Did you mean everything? Every word you said to Karli back in Latvia.” Your eyes fluttered shut before looking back to see his intense blues peering back at you.

“Why would I lie?” You answered back in a whisper. Bucky nodded in understanding before continuing. “When did it start?”

“Remember Romania? We were at the farmer’s market and you were intensely deciding between the plums or tangerines. The poor owner thought you were getting pissed at him or something.”

“That’s what did it for you?” Bucky looked confused at your explanation. He thought it would have been some sentimental or romantic moment that you had realized your feelings for him.

“It’s cute. You’re cute.” You justified yourself nervously, murmuring the last part softly.

“Your definition of cute is weird.” He mumbled bashfully as he looked down to the ground in embarrassment. Shrugging your shoulders, you started to feel shy yourself.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” You let out a hum and thought deeply before speaking.

“I didn’t want to give you something to worry about when you’re still unpacking from the Blip, Steve leaving and your pardon. I also know you had your amends….didnot felt like it was the right time. Never felt like there was ever a right time with all the crazy things happening around us.”

“To be honest Bucky, it might have been hard for me but I would have been okay to not say anything at all. Sometimes loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them. True love is when you just want that person to be happy.” When you realised you had used the word love, you bit your lips as if to hold your tongue.

You slapped a hand to your lips before turning your back on Bucky, grimacing at the fact that you went that far in your explanation.

Bucky felt an emotion that was indescribable in words as he processed what you had just said. He then realised that you had always been selfless for him even it meant that you disregarded yourself in the process. How could he ever deserve someone like you?

Placing his hands on your shoulder to turn you back, Bucky was a little surprised to find you tearing up. You quickly wiped them away and averted your eyes away from him. Cradling your face gently in both his hands, Bucky gently wiped away a few more tears that cascaded down.

He didn’t want to see you cry anymore. He realised seeing you like this has brought him greater pain than he could have imagined.

He was at a loss for words but Bucky knew what he wanted to do next. He leaned down to place his lips gently on yours and your hands went to rest on the spot where his neck and shoulders meet.

Bucky hummed when he felt you returning the kiss and slid his vibranium hand down to your waist to pull you closer. Putting all his feelings into the kiss, Bucky wanted to let you know what he truly felt.

He slanted his mouth to deepen the kiss. You let out a soft gasp at the surprise but it was not unwelcome. You had always imagined what it would be like to finally kiss him and it was even better than you had imagined. Your arms snaked behind his neck to pull him down while his hands roamed around your back to feel you closer.

The two of you eventually pulled away for a little air after kissing for what it seems like forever. Bucky’s thumb swiped your swollen lips before learning it for another kiss once more. “I don’t deserve you.” He muttered through his breath.

“Don’t ever say that. Stop thinking of yourself as being unloveable. Know that you're the most precious thing to me. I will go through hell and back for you, always.” You confessed with an absolute resolve before turning shy. Your eyes moved to your hands smoothing down the material of his shirt.

Hearing your confession made Bucky the happiest and luckiest man in the world. How was he able to find someone like you who loved him despite everything he was and had done.

There used to be someone like that for him. Yet, in the end, he left Bucky alone in this world. Looking down at how you were shyly avoiding his gaze, Bucky's heart tightened in a good way.

He kissed the crown of your head before pulling you in for a bone-crushing hug as if he didn’t believe this moment wasn’t real and didn’t want to let go.

Once you two pull apart, his arms were still wrapped around your waist while you held his arms. "I love you so much, doll. You're the best thing that's ever happened."

Looking up to meet Bucky's eyes with renewed confidence, you never want him to doubt your feelings for him. He had gone through so much and you just wanted to never make him feel like he's alone.

"I will always be here for you, Bucky. You are my person to love and protect for as long as I live."

Your words were simple yet they were backed by such powerful and sincere emotions. Before he knew it, tears started to well up in his eyes.

Bucky started sniffing as tears started falling down his cheeks uncontrollably.

You were surprised at the sudden turn of events and you went to wipe his tears away with your fingers.

You found yourself joining him in crying as well but you knew that they were happy tears. Bucky brought his forehead to rest on yours as the two of you both cried silently.

"You're my only person. I will love you forever." Bucky spoke quietly before he leaned in for another kiss.

The two of you didn't want to let the other go that night. Bucky suggested for him to crash Sam's room but you were sure that your friend would throw a fit the next day.

You tried to control the volume of your giggles as you squeezed to fit into the too-small couch for two. Both of your limbs were tangled messily and you both embraced each other tightly to prevent yourselves from falling down.

The rest of the night ended in endless exchanges of smiles, eskimo and deep kisses. Both you and Bucky had finally found a home in each other.

-------------------------//---------------------------

The next morning

The sunlight shone throughout the whole room and you were reluctant to open your eyes. You felt Bucky stirring behind you as he tightened his hold on your waist.

"Oh heck no, did you two dirty my couch? I didn't give up my bed for you to snuggle with grandpa here, Y/N!" A sheepish grin formed on your face before you opened your eyes to see Sam standing with his arms crossed and a mocked disapproval on his face.

"Auntie Y/N likes Uncle Bucky!" AJ exclaimed aloud as he and his brother stepped into the living room.

You felt Bucky's chest rumbled slightly behind your back and you knew that he was amused to have riled Sam early in the morning. Pulling up the thin blanket over your head as if it could save you from embarrassment, Sam continued to go on his rant.

"Morning, my love." You turned to see Bucky looking at you fondly before leaning down to kiss the top of your brow.

Today is only the start of your forever.

-------------------------//---------------------------

"Wolves are known to follow one female wolf until death."

- Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo

P.S This is my all-time favourite kdrama. Check it out if you haven't! I find that the male lead has many similar qualities I see in Bucky and what a coincidence that he is also known as a wolf in the show just like our white wolf here.

Tag list: @tanyaherondale @spookycereal-s @cataves @archaeoheart @conflicted-noxsirius @archaeoheart @idiotinnit @anxious-stitcher @lindseyrae20 @mads-weasley @taina-eny @intothesoul @oopsiedoopsie23 @detecellie @blueboxesandcats

[merakiaes]

Familia - Oscar “Spooky” Diaz

Pairing: Oscar “Spooky” Diaz x reader

Requested: Yes. 

Prompts: None. 

Warnings/notes: Warning for slight OOC-Spooky and a change of the series’ original plot and storyline. There’s soe Spanish in here so you might have to look some phrases and words up. This took me nearly four days to complete so please leave a comment and let me know what you think. This is definitely too long to be proofread so I apologize in advance for any possible mistakes. I hope you like it xx

Wordcount: 30,766 (Yup, you read that right)

Summary: You and Oscar have been together since you were seventeen, with a four-year-old daughter and another child on the way. When Ray returns after being absent from his sons’ lives for twelve entire years, tension is awakened between everyone and you’re determined not to let your family fall apart. 

Quick, Spanish words blended together with the bubbling sounds of the coffee maker on this early morning in the Diaz residence, filling the otherwise silent air.

You could make out the faint sound of the clock on the kitchen wall and through the open window right where you were standing, you could hear the early birds chirping and the leaves of the trees rustling with a light breeze.

The smell of coffee was invading your senses and the fresh air coming in through the window pulled at your hair where you stood by the sink, washing the plate Oscar had eaten his breakfast from only minutes before, but the warmth from the sunrays hitting your face and bare arms made up for the chilly morning breeze.

The man in question was sitting at the kitchen table with his phone pressed to his ear, speaking to Sad Eyes and waiting for the coffee you had promised to bring him when he had to answer the call.

He had, of course, protested, saying that you shouldn’t be doing as much work around the house as you did when you were heavily pregnant, but when hearing what his second in command had to say he had sat down pretty quickly.

The sound of his voice and the feeling of genuine peace this morning was enough to make you smile as you cut off the water and gave the plate a good shake before grabbing a towel and drying it off.

Once the surface was squeaky clean, or well, as clean as it could be with the deep, grey fork scratches from the frequent use, you put it back into its cabinet and brought down Oscar’s black coffee mug.

The bubbling of the coffee maker had quietened down by now, indicating that the coffee was done and ready to be consumed, and you wasted no time in filling the cup up to near the brim, only saving a little bit of space.

The cup was now releasing a cloud of steam that went all the way up to your face, causing your skin to grow damp.

But you paid it no mind, simply walking over to the refrigerator where you brought the open carton of milk out, briefly putting the mug down on the counter in order to be able to open it and pour some in.

Once you were done, you put the milk back into the fridge and grabbed the mug again, not letting your eyes leave it even once as you carefully waddled over to the table where Oscar was sitting, not wanting to spill the coffee on the floor.

You might have filled it a little too generously and it wasn’t the easiest of tasks so balance it when you could barely balance yourself on your feet with the weight of your round belly, but you managed, reaching Oscar within the next few seconds.

He looked up at you the second he saw you approaching. Once you reached him, the hand that wasn’t holding the phone reached out for your belly, pressing against it protectively before taking the steaming hot cup of coffee from your hand.

You smiled softly, wiping your hands on the front of your jeans to rid them of the little coffee you had spilled while waddling over from the kitchen.

“You heard anything from Cesar yet?” You asked, keeping your voice down to not disturb his call.

You watched as he took a gulp of the coffee before shaking his head, mouthing ‘no’ as he listened to Sad Eyes speak on the other side of the line, all while holding eye-contact with you.

When you had gone to wake Cesar up, you had found his bed empty like you had so many other mornings before. Him sneaking out when you were sleeping to go sneak into Monse’s house wasn’t a rare occurrence.

Still, especially now when you were pretty much constantly controlled by your hormones, the motherly worry came naturally whenever he wasn’t safe at your side. But you were sure he was fine. If he wasn’t, Oscar would have known. He could always sense when his mano was in danger.

Dropping the subject, guessing he would show up before going to school, you wordlessly leaned down to kiss Oscar’s cheek before leaving him to his call and coffee again, instead heading towards your shared bedroom.

Reaching the door, you grabbed the handle and carefully pushed it open, peeking your head inside.

The room was dark, the blinds still down, but just enough light managed to escape in through the cracks of said blinds to allow you to see your daughter where she laid in yours and Oscar’s bed.

She was laying facing the door, her long, black locks spread out in a mess over the white pillow, her chest rising and falling with soft snores leaving her nose and her thumb sucked into her mouth.

The sight of her never failed to make your heart skip a beat in your chest, just when it did when you saw Oscar. Neither of you had lived very happy lives but she was the greatest gift God ever could have given you.

You had met Oscar when you were both no older than seventeen, and Cesar ten. You had both been in a really bad place, with Oscar struggling to carry an entire gang on his back while simultaneously having to raise his brother and with you jumping between your friends in a desperate attempt to flee the system you had been forced into at an early age.

To a start, your relationship had only been about a warm body to hold when things got too heavy and you couldn’t go through it alone.

Oscar wasn’t too fond of feelings and lovey-dovey shit and always had to show himself as hard and emotionally unavailable, and you… well, you just didn’t trust very easily.

But when you started staying over after your nightly fun and he saw you with Cesar in the mornings, he couldn’t help but fall head over heels in love with you, and when he started inviting you over for activities that didn’t include rolling around in the sheets, your feelings started developing for him too.

You never officially moved in with them, but you never really left either. You started making sure that three meals a day was on the table for them and started taking initiative to walk Cesar to and home from school when Oscar got caught up with disobeying the law.

A year later, you were playing house and happy family pretty much on a routine with little to no effort at all, everything coming naturally.

The Santos accepted you into the family, Cesar looked up to you like you were his mother despite the fact that you were only seven years older and Oscar was already planning on spending the rest of his life with you.

On your eighteenth birthday, he gifted you a promise ring and kept an identical one for himself. He wasn’t one to get all cute and mushy and this time was no different, but you knew it was a big step for him to take so the way he handled it didn’t really matter.  

It had been one of the best days of your life. Not only were you now claimed by Spooky, but you were also free from the system and free to be your own individual, and on the same night you found out that you were pregnant and expecting your first child together.

But of course with your luck, the happiness was short-lived.

The next night, Oscar was arrested and sentenced to four years in prison, leaving you and Cesar alone. Of course, you still had the Santos to provide for you. Oscar being gone didn’t change the fact that you were a part of the family.

But you didn’t like having them around the house when Oscar wasn’t there so the only one you really hung out with was Sad Eyes, who came by a few times a week to check up on you and leave you a roll of cash for rent, food and other necessities.

How exactly they got the money you didn’t know, neither Oscar nor Sad Eyes liking to involve you into the gang-business, but you didn’t ask questions.

You went to visit Oscar in prison every Tuesday, Sad Eyes and Mario taking turns driving you while Cesar stayed at the Martinez residence until you got home when he was still too young to be left home alone.

Cesar never went to visit him in person, though. Oscar didn’t want him to have to see him stuck behind that thick glass in that awful jumpsuit, so he only ever talked to him over the phone once or twice a week.

During your pregnancy, Mario was there for you every day and you managed to become really good friends which you knew Oscar was forever grateful for.

There weren’t many people the infamous Spooky respected and trusted, but Mario was one of them and he was happy that you were able to hang around someone on the right side of the law.

After first hearing about your blooming friendship when Mario had driven you to visitation day the first time, Oscar more or less forced the slightly younger guy to go with you to all of your ultrasounds from then on, wanting him to witness everything that he was missing so that he could re-tell it to him during visitation.

Mario was too scared to turn him down so he made sure he was free to accompany you to all of your check-ups and by the time you were approaching the end of your pregnancy, you had lost count of the amount of time Mario had been mistaken for the dad.

Much to his horror, he had been forced to be present at the time of birth, as well. Geny Martinez was there too at your request and she was able to keep her calm, having gone through the procedure of childbirth before, but the seventeen-year-old Mario had never been as terrified as he was then.

Still, he forced himself to sit through it in order to be able to tell Oscar about it at the next visitation, during which you brought him pictures of your baby girl and decided on a name.

It took a while to get on the same page, but after a good half hour of bickering back and forth, you finally managed to decide on the name Lucía with a helpful input from Mario who had been sitting by and listening to your fighting in silence up until then.

You had been planning to talk to Oscar about making Mario Lucía’s godfather after that, something you hadn’t told Mario yet.

But before you could even mention it, Oscar, much to yours and Mario’s surprise, was the one to bring the topic up, telling him it was only right after how much he had been there for his baby mama when he couldn’t.

And of course, Mario gladly accepted, basically jumping with happiness when you left that afternoon.

Him and his family continued to be there for you now that you didn’t only have Cesar to care for, but a newborn baby, as well.

It was all overwhelming to you, all of the sudden having so many people jumping at the chance to help you when you had grown up all on your own.

You continued to visit Oscar on your own, bringing him new pictures and stories every time, but you never brought Lucía to see him.

You wanted him to meet his daughter and you knew that he wanted nothing more in the entire world than to do so, but he didn’t want her first memory of him to be of him in prison, much like he hadn’t wanted Cesar to see him like that.

So you had no other choice but to respect his wishes, instead showing your daughter pictures of her father every day as she grew bigger, to put a face to the man she would be calling daddy when he got out.

And his sign-out day was soon upon you, four entire years later. Both you and Oscar were twenty-two at the time, Cesar fifteen and Lucía had just turned three.

Four entire years he had gone without touching you or seeing his mano face to face, but that was nothing in comparison to the three years he had been forced to endure knowing he had a daughter waiting for him on the outside, a daughter he had never gotten to meet.

He didn’t show it, but he was so nervous that he almost threw up on the spot when he came out of the building inside which he had been locked up for the past four years, to see you standing in front of his red Impala with Lucía balanced on your hip.

She had smiled upon seeing his familiar face, recognizing it from the pictures you had shown her every day, and stretched her arms out for him with a gleeful laugh.

That was the first time since meeting him that you had seen him cry, tears welling up in his eyes as he took his daughter into his arms, felt her skin against his for the first time ever.

You had stayed there, in the middle of the parking lot, for a good ten minutes. He had been holding her so carefully, not moving an inch, almost as if he was scared that he would break her if he did.

Once he finally broke free from his trance and managed to relax, he had taken you to the beach where you spent your first ever hour together, eating ice cream and watching the waves.

It had been perfect, but also very comical.

Oscar obviously knew how to be a father. He had raised his brother on his own throughout his entire teenage years, and all he really had to do was the exact opposite of what his dad had.

But he had absolutely no idea how to handle a baby, so to say it had been hilarious to see him chasing after Lucía as she, in turn, chased after a couple of seagulls, was the biggest understatement of the century.

He had been so careful with her, so wary and pretty much walking around on eggshells the entire time you spent together. And when she fell and started crying, he was at an absolute loss of what to do.

But then he picked her up, held her against his chest, and she stopped crying immediately, nuzzling her face into his neck and wrapping her short arms around him, and he was absolutely gone in the sudden burst of love he felt.

Ever since then, he barely left her alone, and you knew it was only going to get worse as she grew older. You didn’t even want to think about how protective he would get when she started getting interested in boys.

You loved her to bits but Oscar… the love he held for her was on an entirely different level. He would throw himself into the line of fire to take a bullet for you, but for her, for her he would burn down entire cities if he had to.

He was in love with you and had been since the moment you first met, but it was in her that he had found his true happiness and that, in turn, only made you even more happy.

The sound of a car door slamming shut somewhere out on the street suddenly cut through the air and you jumped in fright, a hand automatically flying to clutch your chest in an attempt to calm your racing heart.

You had gotten so lost in your train of thought that you had no idea how long you had been standing there for.

You shook yourself back to reality and sent a final glance to your sleeping daughter before you carefully closed the door again, allowing her to sleep in. You left a small crack open in the door so that you would be able to hear her if she woke up and cried for you, and headed back into the living room area of the house.

Oscar was still sitting where you left him, his back turned to you where he sat at the table.

His eyes met yours as you re-entered the room and he started saying goodbye to Sad Eyes on the phone, only a second later removing the phone from his ear to end the call on the screen.

As he did so, you approached him from behind, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and leaning your head down to press a kiss to the side of his neck, breathing in the intoxicating smell of his skin and kneading his shoulders with your hands gently.

“Everything okay?” You questioned and he hummed, raising the now almost empty cup of coffee to his lips to take a gulp while putting his phone down on the table.

Just then, the front door slammed open, causing both of you to jump with surprise and look over to where Cesar had now barged into the house, his eyes wide with worry.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Cesar yelled out, head looking around in search for his brother for a second before finding you at the table, then walking up to you while pointing his thumb behind him. “There’s a dude posted up outside!”

You tensed at the sound of his words, your hand instantly going to your belly, and Oscar wasted no time in standing up from his seat.

“Baby?” You questioned, and he turned to you, pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead, hand on top of your own where it rested on your stomach.

“Wait inside, mamas.” He instructed before turning around and grabbing his gun from on top of the cupboard standing in the corner and marching outside, cocking the gun as he walked through the doorway and out into the sunshine.

You exchanged a look with Cesar and as usual, before you could even think to stop him, he did the exact opposite of what he was told and rushed after his brother.

“Get back inside!” You could hear Oscar yell at him almost immediately and he did as told, backing into the doorway again and looking back at you.

Curiosity got the best of you when you still hadn’t heard any threats or gunshots from outside and you waddled up to your future brother-in-law, holding on to his arm while you attempted to peek outside.

His hand came up to grab yours and together, you slowly moved a few steps further out on the porch.

Your eyes instantly found Oscar where he was standing on the lawn, body tensed up. And then your eyes flickered over to where he was looking, finding a man standing around on the other side of the street by a tree.

He was wearing a white tank top and blue jeans with a belt, had black, slicked-back hair, a big tattoo running across his chest with a few smaller ones on his arms. He was smoking a cigarette, leaning against the tree as him and Oscar stared each other down, and he had a bag waiting at the ground beside him.

It didn’t take longer than a few seconds for you to connect the dots and recognize the man from Oscar’s stories, figuring his identity out almost immediately.

But Cesar was clueless, taking another step forward and losing his grip on you in the process, looking between his brother and the stranger with confused, brown eyes.

“Oscar?” He called out, taking another step closer to him. “Who is that?”

The man’s eyes moved from Oscar to Cesar as he made himself known, and even though you couldn’t see Oscar’s face right then, you knew him good enough to know that he was glaring.

“Our father.” He answered without missing a beat, confirming your suspicions.

Cesar froze in his spot, his eyes turning slightly wider, while Oscar turned his head to the side and tucked the gun into the hem of his shorts, turning around to come back inside.

He shoved past Cesar who was still standing rooted to his spot, and you reached your hand out to grab his arm once he reached you in the doorway.

“Baby.” You mumbled, pulling him to you, and he made no move to stop you, his hand simply coming to rest on your belly and his forehead pressing against yours as you backed into the house together.

“I thought I told you to stay inside.” He muttered, annoyed, but his touch was as soft as ever, not threatening in the slightest.

“I know, I’m sorry…” You apologized quietly, looking up at him hesitantly. “Should I put on some more coffee?”

His soft eyes turned stern. “No. He’s not staying.” He told you surely, shutting the subject down.

You nodded silently and sat down with him in the sofa, Cesar coming in and sitting down beside you with his father in tow a few seconds later.

While you and Oscar sat close to each other in the furthest corner of the couch, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, Cesar sat at the opposite corner, his elbows leaning on his thighs and his legs manspreading just like his older brother’s were beside you.

Ray’s eyes instantly found you where you were sitting, flickering between Oscar’s face to yours, and along to Oscar’s hand that was still resting protectively on your belly, thumb absentmindedly rubbing soothing circles through the fabric of your shirt and sporting a thick, golden wedding band identical to the one on your ring finger.

A look of shock momentarily crossed over his face, but he quickly covered it up, dropping his bag to the floor and starting to look around, now smoking a fresh cigarette by the looks of it.

The air remained thick with silence for a good minute and you almost felt like you were about to suffocate from the tension.

Oscar was tense beside you, his leg bouncing up and down in an attempt to keep himself calm and so far, he was doing an alright job.

You had expected him to react a lot harsher when the time came that his dad would be returning home and you were proud of him for being able to stay calm, even if you knew he was only doing it for you and Lucía and not for himself.

But then Ray walked over to the kitchen table and tapped the excess ashes of his cigarette into the mug that Oscar had been drinking coffee from only a few minutes ago, and he instantly reacted beside you.

“Can you not smoke in the house?” He spat out at his father, his face pulled into a murderous glare. “It’s not good for the baby.”

“Oscar.” You spoke before you could stop yourself, your face turning to meet his glare with a pointed look. He only stared at you for a second, before turning back to his dad, his glare now even fiercer.

You turned to look at the older man too, forcing yourself to smile. “It’s fine.” You told him and he nodded at you, but Oscar was quick again.

“It’s not fine.” He snapped, and you closed your eyes, breathing out deeply through your nose.

It wasn’t that you were angry with Oscar for being rude. He had every right to be and quite frankly, you hadn’t even expected him to let his father into the house.

But still, you always got anxious when he was in a bad mood, no matter what the cause behind it was, and the stress wasn’t good for the baby so you had to do everything in your power to stay calm, the tension making you so uncomfortable you would have rather melted through the floor than stay there right now.

Luckily, however, Ray stayed polite even with his son’s anger directed toward him and nodded his head, looking directly at you as he put the cigarette out in an ashtray standing on the table. “Sorry.”

You forced another smile through the tension and nodded, silently telling him thank you.

“So when did you get out?” Cesar finally joined the conversation after having sat quiet up until then, obviously nervous judging by the way he was twisting his hands around.

“Yesterday.”

Ray looked around some more as he answered, and Cesar smiled. “How was the trip down?” He asked, but Ray barely even spared him a glance.

“Long.”

The tone in his voice was bored and for a moment, you were overwhelmed by the urge to slap him upside the head and tell him to sound more interested. But of course you didn’t, keeping quiet as you watched him walk around the room.

“Looks the same, even smells the same.” He muttered but stopped himself as he came over a photograph on the wall. It was of you, Oscar, Cesar and Lucía on his first morning home from prison.

You looked like absolute crap, just having woken up at the time, but Oscar had insisted that you hang it up and who were you to say no?

Ray hummed at the sight of the picture, his fingers touching the frame lightly. “Almost the same, at least.” He said, before turning around.

You glanced at Oscar as Ray walked over to where you were sitting, finding his face pulled into an expression of pure and utter hatred as he watched his dad sink down on the stool across from you.  

The feeling of unease only intensified inside of you now that the only thing between him and Oscar was a coffee table, feeling hopeless that you couldn’t do anything to ease the tension, and Cesar was feeling equally as awkward about the entire situation.

Ray looked at his youngest son, raising his head in a questioning manner. “You in school?” He asked, and Cesar opened his lips to reply.

Before he got the chance to get as much as a sound out, however, Oscar beat him to it. “Of course he is.”

Their father’s eyes flickered over to him and he nodded. “How about you?” He asked, Spanish accent thick. “Going to college?”

His question drew a scoff from Oscar’s lips. “Seriously?” He questioned.

You could feel him getting angrier for every second passing and out of pure instinct, grabbed a hold of the hand he had resting on your belly, a move that didn’t go unnoticed by Ray.

The man in question quickly looked away from your now intertwined fingers and back to his oldest son, changing the subject. “You’re about to be a father.” He pointed out, and the words instantly caused your lips to tug up into a smile.

“I am a father.” He corrected his own dad, the hidden pride in his voice causing a flurry of butterflies to go through your stomach.

If Ray hadn’t been shocked enough to see you pregnant when he first entered, he was almost at loss for words now. “You have another one?” He asked and Oscar answered without missing a beat.

“Lucía. She’s four.” The corner of his lip twitched upward for the shortest second, but he quickly realized his mistake and hardened his face again as the next question was delivered.

“How long have you been together?” Ray asked.  

“Almost seven.” Oscar answered flatly, again without missing a beat.

The silence was really deafening, thick to the point where it was almost painful to be there. More than anything you would have rather just slipped away and gone back to bed where Lucía was still sleeping.

But you didn’t want to be rude and you knew that Oscar preferred to have you by his side when things were uncomfortable for him, so you stayed, no matter how much you didn’t want to.

“It- It’s nice to see you.” Cesar spoke then, breaking the silence again. You smiled at him, adoring him for how he was obviously trying to ease the tension, but Ray only nodded, not answering and not looking away from Oscar, which caused your smile to fall slightly.

Cesar didn’t give up, trying again. “Do you have any plans?”

This time, Ray turned his head to look at him, shaking his head. “No. Just wanted to see you guys before heading up to Bakersfield. Got a job lined up.” He informed him, and before he got the chance to answer, Oscar took the wheel again.

“Cesar, you need to get to school.” He spoke sternly, his eyes not leaving Ray, who had now looked back to him again.  

Cesar threw his arms out in exasperation, looking to his older brother and looking ready to protest, but one stern look was more than enough to make him rethink that decision.

Instead, he sighed, turning to look at his dad again. “I’ll see you later.” He said, voice discouraged as he grabbed his bag from the floor beside him and begrudgingly standing up.

You watched as he headed for the door, reaching out to grab the handle, but before he opened the door he stopped himself and turned back around.

“Hey, do you maybe, uh, I don’t know, wanna hang? After school?” He asked unsurely and Ray tore his eyes away from Oscar’s for a moment to look up at him.

“Sure.” He answered.

Cesar’s discouraged attitude was exchanged by a happy one almost instantly and he nodded. “Cool.” He said and without another word to any of you, opened the door and left.

“So where are you staying?” Oscar asked the second his mano was out the door, causing Ray to turn back to him.

“Here.” He answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and you automatically braced yourself, thinking that Oscar was going to object.

But instead, he only sniffed, pulling a hand over his mouth and chin and standing up, clearing his throat and walking out the front door, leaving you alone with his dad.

You knew he didn’t really want you, Lucía and his unborn baby around his dad, but you knew that he also knew that you would have to talk to him sooner or later, which you guessed was why he hadn’t forced you to come outside with him.

You hadn’t expected Ray to actually speak to you so when he did, you were surprised.

“He really hates me, huh?” He asked, looking down at his hands where he was fiddling with his fingers.

“No.” The word slipped out before you could help yourself, causing him to look up at you. “He loves you. A bit too much, if you ask me.”

You hadn’t meant for the words to come out as harsh as they did, but in retrospect, he deserved nothing better, something he seemed to know.

“I deserve that.” He agreed with your thoughts, giving you a somber look.

“You do. He’s really hurt and has every right to be. But you know…” You trailed off, swallowing and shrugging your shoulders gently. “It’s not too late. If you stay, he might forgive you someday in the future. It’s going to take a long time and you’ll really have to work for it, but I wouldn’t rule it out.”

He listened to you intently. You could really see how concentrated he was on your words and you appreciated the fact that he was actually partaking in the conversation you were having.

He nodded his head slowly, spacing out for a moment, but then pulled himself back to reality and waved a hand at your stomach.

“How far along are you?” He asked, and automatically, your face instantly lit up in a wide smile.

“I’m due in a month.”

His lips stretched into a smile of his own, although much smaller. “Congrats.” He congratulated and you nodded in thanks as he kept talking. “What about the other one? Lucy? Where is she?”

“Lucía.” You corrected, motioning with a hand down the hall. “She’s still asleep so you’ll meet her later.”

A hesitant expression crossed over his face. “You think Oscar would be okay with that?”

You understood his worries because you knew for a fact that Oscar wouldn’t be happy about it, but you still offered him a comforting smile. “If you’re staying here, I don’t really think he’s got much of a choice. She’s curious so she wouldn’t stay away from you even if we told her to.”

He hummed, nodding his head toward you again, this time looking at the ring at your finger. “You married?”

Without even noticing it, you began twisting the golden ring around your finger. “No. Not yet.” You replied. “We’ve been engaged for five years but it’s not the right time for a wedding, you know, with the Santos and everything going on. But I hope, someday.”

“But the timing was right for a kid?” He asked and his face pulled into one of regret almost instantly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

But you took no offense to it, simply shaking your head. “It wasn’t planned and we would have rather waited until we had a more secure life going, but…” You paused, smiling gently as you remember how happy Oscar had gotten when you gave him the news. “When I got pregnant there wasn’t much else to do but go through with it because getting an abortion wasn’t an option for neither of us.”

“Do you know what gender it is?” Ray motioned for your stomach once more and again, you shook your head.

“No, Oscar wants it to be a surprise.” You told him.

He nodded, eyes flickering between your stomach and your face. “What are you hoping for?”

You snorted, rubbing your hands over your stomach gently. “I would like a boy for a change but Oscar is hoping for another girl.” You told him, rolling your eyes. “He thinks the risk of him fucking them up, the risk of them walking in his footsteps down the wrong road, is smaller if they’re girls.”

A part of you thought the logic behind his reasoning was nothing but ridiculous, but another part understood the pressure of giving them a better life than he was given.

“I didn’t have a good dad and I ended up the way I did because of him.” Ray told you then. “I never thought I’d be a good dad and I wasn’t, and it’s because of that Oscar ended up the way he did. But it’s not too late for him, to turn things around.”

He was unsure of himself as he spoke and the closer you looked at him, the easier it became to identify the shame behind his eyes. You knew he didn’t deserve your sympathy, but you couldn’t help it.

You tried your hardest to push the feeling of secondhand sorrow to the back of your head, almost feeling like you were betraying Oscar just by feeling it.

“I know.” You agreed with a small smile and he nodded.

“Do you think he knows?”

“He does.” You confirmed, shrugging your shoulders with a sad smile. “He just has to deal with it in his own time.”

Ray hummed, averting his eyes from you and looking around the room. “He’s lucky to have you to guide him. You seem to love him and Cesar a lot.”

“I do. More than anything.” You said and he turned back to look at you with an awkward glance.

“That’s good.” He said. “They both need someone like you in their lives, to keep them away from the bad stuff.”

“Well, Oscar was already mixed up with it when I met him but I’m doing my best to prevent him from getting stuck in it too deep. And as for Cesar, you’d catch me dead before I let him get caught up in any of it.”

You thought back to when Cuchillos had wanted Cesar jumped out of the Santos when he had failed his task to kill Latrell.

Because of a lot of yelling from your side, Oscar had agreed not to push him away, but you weren’t sure he would have done the same if you hadn’t been there.

Either way, going against Cuchillos put a lot of heat on all of you, especially Oscar. They were forced to make up their debt by setting the Prophets up with the money the Santos had robbed from a bank the week before and get them all arrested.

So that was one gang gone from the streets, and it had been pretty quiet since, but now you heard rumors about the kids from 19th Street going around to all of the business on their block, threatening people into paying them rent, which was a new problem in itself.

But you were sure Oscar had it under control. They may have been violent, but they were just kids, most of them no older than fifteen.

If there was anything you had learned from analyzing the other kids in the system while you had still been there, it was that the cause of anger most of the times found its source in them wanting one thing and one thing only; security, which could be used to bargain with them.

It would have been harder if they had been older. Then, they most likely wouldn’t have been after anything in particular, just power, like the Prophets had been.

Getting them off the streets had cleared Oscar and Cesar’s debt with Cuchillos but she was still hanging on his ass, more than she had been before. She was doubting the extents he would go to in order to make sure she was happy, a problem she hadn’t been having before he met you and had a child.

It was constantly unsafe for you and Lucía to go outside and if Oscar got to choose, you wouldn’t have been going outside at all. But you refused to be caged inside like some animal and he knew that both Lucía and you needed the fresh air and human interaction, so he had no other choice but to allow it.

He felt a bit safer with the Santos keeping a watchful eye over you whenever you went anywhere.

You had all heard rumors about the previous generation of Santos turning their back on one of their own some years ago but luckily, this generation of Santos were more loyal to each other than to Cuchillos.

They loved you like you were family and would do anything to keep you safe.

“He’s a good kid. Cesar.” Ray nodded his head, pulling you out of your thoughts and back to the conversation you had almost forgetting you were still in the middle of.

You nodded your head, returning your gaze to him. “He is.” You confirmed. “He’s got a lot of potential. Both of them do, even if Oscar thinks his is long gone.”

His lips twitched every so lightly at your words, his heart unbeknownst to you swelling with pride. But before either of you could say anything else, the sound of a light cry broke through the air.

Both yours and Ray’s heads instantly turned toward the hallway leading to yours and Oscar’s bedroom, and you wasted no time in moving to stand up at the sound of your daughter’s intensifying cries.

She could get extremely confused and disoriented when she woke up alone so you wanted to get to her as quickly as you possibly could.

But getting out of the low couch was easier said than done when you were heavily pregnant. Luckily, twelve years in prison didn’t seem to have stolen all of Ray’s manners, the older man wasting no time in wordlessly standing up and offering you his hands.

You took them gratefully, thanking him softly under your breath and allowing him to pull you to your feet.

“I’ll be right back.” You told him, offering him a last smile before waddling past him and in the direction of your bedroom.

You held on to the wall for support as you walked, reaching your destination in no time despite the slow pace you were forced to walk at. Pushing the door open, Lucía’s cries instantly quietened down as she found your form in the doorway.

She was still lying in the exact same position that you had left her in; turned towards the door with her thumb in her mouth, only now her eyes were wide open and glassy, staring back at you.

“Good morning, baby.” You greeted her as you walked inside, and she wasted no time in shuffling up in the bed.

You walked past her and directly to the windows, pulling the blinds up to let the sunshine into the dark room. Turning back around, you found her shielding her eyes with her arms, sitting on the edge of the low bed, if that’s even what you could call it.

It was just a thick mattress on the floor, without an actual bedframe. Oscar had taken the frame down and gotten rid of it the second he got home from prison, claiming it was too dangerous for Lucía to be sleeping that high up without any kind of fence at the sides.

You didn’t enjoy sleeping so far down to the floor, especially not now when you were pregnant and could barely stand up by yourself, but you hadn’t stopped him, allowing him to be a father for the first time in three years.

Lucía let out a small whimper, rubbing her eyes and getting off the bed, walking over to you. She held her arms out, her blue comfort blanket hanging from one of her hands, and you gave her a sad look.

“You know mommy can’t carry you, baby.” You told her, putting a hand on top of her head. “My stomach is in the way.”

You pulled a hand through her messy, black curls, breathing out in relief when she simply sniffed and lowered her arms again rather than throwing a fit.

It would seem you had caught her on a good day, much to your luck as you knew her meeting with Ray would have been chaotic to say the least if she would have been in a bad mood.

Taking her hand, you wordlessly led her out of the room, taking it slow so that her short legs could keep up with you. When you walked back into the living room, Ray was still standing in the middle of the room, now facing you and appearing to have been waiting for your return.

Once he caught sight of Lucía, a flurry of emotions instantly flickered through his eyes and face, but the second she caught sight of him, she stopped right in her step, cowering behind your leg.

Still holding her hand, you were forced to stop with her, and you looked down at her. “You want to say hello?” You questioned, watching as she shook her head and hid even further behind your legs.

But Ray didn’t seem to take it personally, staying in his spot to not frighten her and smiling softly to himself.

“Shy.” He pointed out, and as that word would be the last one you would use to describe your daughter, you laughed.

“She won’t be when she wakes up properly so I’d brace myself already if I were you.” You warned him, looking down as Lucía stepped out from behind your legs, tugging at your hand and cautious eyes never leaving Ray’s form.

Despite your back and every muscle in your body screaming at you not to, you bent down and picked her up, grateful that she wasn’t very heavy. Once she was secured on your hip, she wrapped her arms around your neck and carefully dared to peak through her curls at Ray, who was now walking closer.

“Es bella.” He complimented his granddaughter, smiling as he pointed a finger at his eyes. “Has Oscar’s eyes. And his curls, too.”

“Yeah, she does.” You chuckled, looking at her. “She didn’t get much from me.”

Ray watched you as you brought a hand up to her face and pulled a curl away from her face, the strand of hair wet with the tears still fresh on her cheeks.

“Is he a good dad?” He asked, causing you to look up at him as he shrugged. “Better than me, I mean.”

“The best. He would do anything for her.” You smiled. “She loves him to pieces, almost never leaves him alone.”

Lucía sucked on her thumb, looking up at you with big eyes. “Quiero a papa.” She mumbled out, her light voice muffled.

At her words, you raised an eyebrow at Ray, who was now smiling in amusement. “You see?” You questioned, before turning your attention back to her. “Let’s go tell daddy you’re awake, yeah?”

She buried her face in the crook of your shoulder in agreement and you turned your attention back to Ray. After him asking you to use the shower and you pointing him in the right direction of the towel cabinet, you bid him goodbye for now and headed outside with Lucía still in your arms.

You spotted Oscar at the driveway immediately, his body bent down and head hidden beneath the hood of his car, hands working away on something inside.

A smile grazed your lips at the sweet sight of his tan arms under the sunlight and Lucía looked up the second the familiar sound of a wrench being twisted reached her ears.

“Papá!” She squealed out, instantly drawing the attention of Oscar. His lips turned up and he dropped the wrench, wiping his hands off on a red rag before kneeling down and opening his arms.

Lucía immediately started twisting her body in your arms, wanting to be put down, and you gladly granted her wish and put her down on her feet, having to stop on the porch for a moment to stretch your aching back.

While you did so, you watched with a smile as Lucía ran into Oscar’s arms, who in turn wasted no time in picking her up against his chest. “¿Dormiste bien?” He asked her, and you waddled your way down the steps of the porch to approach them.

Lucía nodded to answer his question, not very talkative when she had just woken up, and Oscar brought his hand up to the back of her head, pressing a kiss to her forehead and mumbling fondly against her skin. “Mi princesita.”

His eyes drifted over to you when he saw you approaching then, your hand covering your face from the bright sun.

“Did you talk to him?” He nodded at you, wasting no time in cutting to the chase.

You hummed in response, standing up on your tippy-toes in order to press a kiss to his cheek. “Yeah.” You answered honestly, feeling his eyes on the side of your face as you switched your attention to Lucía where she was resting her head against Oscar’s shoulder.

“What did he say?” Oscar asked, and you answered simply.

“Stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” He questioned again and this time you turned to look at him.

“Just stuff.” You smiled, bringing your hand up to his cheek. “Don’t worry about it.” You pulled him down to be able to press your lips to his in a sweet kiss, but the second you pulled apart again, he went right back to interrogating you.

“Did Luci talk to him?” He asked, his face now turned into a glare.

You shook your head, dropping your hand from his face with a sigh when you realized you wouldn’t be able to cure his foul mood right then, not that you blamed him for being angry in the first place. “No. She’s still drowsy from waking up so she was a bit shy. She didn’t cry though so that’s a good sign.”

He hummed, turning his attention to Lucía. When he looked at her, she brought her head up from his chest and stared right back, her nose scrunching up when he brought his hand up to her face to move a strand of hair that had stuck to her cheek, just like you had done minutes before.

After making sure her face was free from hair, he turned back to you, looking you up and down and nodding his head slightly when he reached your feet. “Your shoelace is up.”

You looked down at his words, finding that the shoelace of your left Nike shoe was, in fact, undone. But before you could even think about trying to tie it yourself, not that you would have been able to,  he had put Lucía down on her feet and gone down on one knee, lifting your foot up to his thigh.  

“I got it.” He told you simply, tying your laces up in no time. When he dropped your foot back down and stood up, an uncomfortable pain suddenly went through your stomach, forcing a gasp out of your lips.

Oscar was alerted immediately, watching as your hands automatically went to your stomach. “What’s wrong?” He asked, his entire attitude turning serious and his hands coming to rest on top of yours,

“Nothing.” You quickly answered, smiling as you got used to the uncomfortable feeling. “He’s just kicking. Here, give me your hand.”

Without waiting for a reply, you moved your hands from underneath his and grabbed his wrist, moving it to the place where your baby was kicking the hardest.

“She’s kicking.” He corrected you with a small glare while you moved his hand around, causing you to roll your eyes and drop his wrist.

“You always have to ruin the moment, don’t you?”

“No, espera.” He said as you began moving away from his touch, moving right after you in order to keep his hands on your stomach.

You smirked at him, shaking your head. “Too late now, papi. She stopped kicking.” You turned to Lucía, holding your hand out. “Come on, mija. Let’s go.”

Oscar watched as she took your outstretched hand and stood at your side, narrowing his eyes slightly. “Where are you going?” He questioned, and even though there would never be a day when you weren’t thankful for his protection, you rolled your eyes at the defensive tone in his voice.

“We’re taking a walk to the store.” You told him. “The fridge is nearly empty and we need to stock up on food now that we’ve got another mouth to feed.”

“He can pay for his own damn food.” Oscar quickly spat, eyes turning hard. “You’re not his sirvienta.”

“Oscar.” You warned with a glare of your own. “Don’t lose your temper in front of her.” You instinctively pushed your daughter further behind your leg to shield her from Oscar’s murderous face.

He turned his head to the side the second your words reached his ears, taking a deep breath through his nose and calming himself down before turning back around. His face was still cold and guarded, but not nearly as furious as it had been a few seconds ago.

“Be careful.” He ordered you softly, one of his hands finding its way to the top of Lucía’s head while the other rested on your belly. He leaned his head down and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I love you, amores míos.”

“We love you, too.” You smiled, squeezing his hand with yours.

He pulled away from you after another two quick kisses and turned to Lucía, raising a playful eyebrow at her. “Sé bueno para tu madre, ¿de acuerdo?” He held his pinky finger out and she hooked her much smaller one with his, taking her thumb out of her mouth.

“Prometo.” She answered with a toothy grin.

“Good girl.” He ruffled her hair, chuckling in amusement as her face pulled into a glare, her small hands trying to swat his hand away.

Turning back to you, he gave you a chaste kiss to the lips. “I’ll see you soon.” He said, giving your stomach one last caress before turning back to the car, allowing you and Lucía to walk away and head for the store.

Being pregnant was always one huge dilemma. Your ankles were constantly swollen and your back felt like it was about to snap in two pretty much all of the time. But in order for your ankles not to get even more swollen and for your back not to get even more stiff, you had to walk around pretty much all day, which was never free of pain.

Luckily, you lived pretty close to the store you usually shopped at and the store in question was still on Santos territory which you knew was the only reason that Oscar let you and Lucía walk there alone.

His boys all lived spread out through the same neighborhood as you did and when they weren’t out patrolling or participating in illegal activities, they were always sitting out on their lawns or porches, watching over the street and by doing so, also watching over you.

The walk that would have taken no longer than five minutes for anyone else took about fifteen for you.

Not only could you not walk very quickly with the extra weight you were carrying around and with Lucía’s short legs, but now that she had fully woken up, her usual overly social personality had come back to the surface, pretty much forcing her to stop and greet every neighbor who happened to be outside. And let’s not even talk about the many times she spotted an animal.

It was safe to say that it took a while for you to reach your destination and you were sure that if Oscar hadn’t known how his daughter functioned when she was out in the world, he would have come after you, worried out of his mind, a long time ago.

But he was very well aware of how she functioned. After all, he had gotten used to it before she was even born, her absentmindedness and tendency to get easily distracted being pretty much the only thing she had inherited from you.

Everything else about her; her looks, her temper, the energy that never seemed to run out and her charm, came from him. It was truly like looking at a mini Spooky.

Nearly an entire hour had passed before you were turning back onto your street, Lucía’s hand clasped in yours and your other hand holding two plastic bags full of groceries.

Rather than her thumb being in her mouth, she was now happily sucking away on a blue lollipop, her mouth sticky with a mixture of the sugary goodness and ketchup from the hot dog you had bought her for a late breakfast on your way home.

You had tried to wipe it away but she had pretty much refused to let you touch her, too eager to chase after a squirrel, so you let it go, deciding you would just give her a shower when returning home instead.

It was an as good time as ever as she was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, having fallen asleep in them the night before and both you and Oscar having been too tired to even notice it.

While eating her lollipop, Lucía was looking around the street with a wide smile on her face, waving to every person she laid eyes on, while you were keeping your gaze forward.

You could see Oscar still working on the car in the driveway of your house in the distance, but now Ray was standing beside him, motioning to the car while Oscar kept his focus on the engine.

As you got closer, you could hear Ray laughing as he said something.

You could make out the exact words but whatever he said made Oscar snap because the next thing you knew, he slammed the hood shut and got up in Ray’s face, who was now looking down into the ground.

When seeing the all but peaceful behavior, you pulled at the back of Lucía´s shirt gently, urging her to stop.

“Hold on, baby. Let’s wait this out, yeah?” You smiled down at her, and although she hadn’t noticed her dad and Ray fighting yet and had no idea what you were talking about, she happily nodded and sat down on the sidewalk, patting the asphalt beside her in a way that made your heart melt in your chest.

She was so used to you having to take small breaks every so often by now that she never even questioned it anymore.

You couldn’t deny it felt nice for your feet to sit down for a moment, but your heart was still heavy in your chest as you listened to the conversation taking place in the distance while Lucía cluelessly played with your bracelets beside you, caught up in her own world.

“Let’s get something straight. You can come back here and pretend to be a father. But I know what’s up.” You listened intently as Oscar spoke to his dad, watching out of the corner of your eye as he raised a hand to motion to the house. “Cesar. He’s been through a lot of shit lately. So I’ll let him live under this delusion. For now. And let’s not even talk about my girls. If it were up to me you wouldn’t even be allowed to be in the same room as them, but (Y/N) wants to give you a chance because you’re their Abuelo, so you better not fuck this up.”

Oscar glared at Ray and took a step back, wiping his hands on the red rag as he walked around the car toward the fence.

“Does Cesar hate me?”

Oscar stopped at the sound of his dad’s question, looking back at him and scoffing. “He’s never even talked about you.” He answered with pure hatred, before turning back around and disappearing behind the red fence to the backyard.

Only then did you and Lucía stand up and keep walking, not wanting her to witness any conflict. Ray turned around at the sound of your footsteps, his eyes catching sight of you, and when his gaze flickered down to Lucía by your side, he hurried to drop the cigarette he was smoking and waved the smoke away with his hands.

No matter how bad he had treated Oscar and Cesar in the past, you could admit that it was decent of him to care for Oscar’s wishes about not smoking around her and actually seem to care about her wellbeing.

He started walking toward you to meet you halfway and wasted no time in reaching for the bags of groceries in your hand. ”Let me help you.”

“Thank you.” You thanked him, using your now free hand to support your belly as you walked up in front of the house.

Once entering, Lucía ran past the two of you toward the kitchen island where she climbed up on the barstool she had claimed as her own a long time ago, watching you as you followed.

Ray put the bag down on the island in front of her and her eyes were instantly on him.

“What’s your name?” Her small voice came before either of you could even think about saying anything else, followed by the sound of the hard lollipop hitting against her teeth.

A shocked expression took over Ray’s face for a moment, not having expected her to talk to him so soon. But you had warned him.

“Ray.” He answered after taking a moment to collect himself, watching the small girl with a fond expression.

Lucía stared right back at him with curious eyes, squinting them and tilting her head to the side slightly, just like Oscar would do.

You put a hand on top of her head as you passed her, smiling. “Él es tu Abuelo.” You told her and she instantly held her pinky out.

“Mucho gusto.”

Ray raised his eyebrows, glancing at you as if asking you what to do. You held up your own pinky behind her at that, silently showing him to hook his with hers, and he did just that, turning his attention back to her.

“Nice to meet you, too.” He said politely, watching as she then turned her attention to a magazine that was laying on the countertop. In turn, he moved his attention to you, pointing out. “You’re teaching her Spanish.”

You nodded, beginning to busy yourself with unpacking one of the bags. “Yeah. Or, well, Oscar is.” You chuckled. “Almost seven years together and I still don’t know much. I can understand it, though.”

“Better than nothing.” Ray praised you awkwardly and moved to unpack the second bag, to which you offered him a grateful smile.

“Do you like ice cream?” Lucía then spoke again, causing you both to turn back to her while continuing to unload the groceries onto the counter.

“I love ice cream.” Ray answered, causing her to smile.

“Me too.” She said happily, her body moving where she sat as she kicked her legs under the counter.

Ray nodded while you went around his back to start putting things into the fridge. “What’s your favourite flavor?” He asked, passing you objects over his shoulder in a fluid pace without breaking eye-contact with the smaller girl.

Her smile widened at the question and she took the lollipop out of her mouth in order to flash him a charming grin. “Chocolate chip cookie!” She exclaimed proudly and as you rounded Ray to keep taking things out of the bag, you noticed his eyebrows shooting up.

“Mine too.” He admitted and Lucía gasped.

“Twins!”

You bit the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from laughing out loud. Her bubbly personality in comparison to his pretty much opposite one was so comical to you for some reason. But Ray didn’t hold it in, chuckling at her as he continued to help you with the groceries.

Before any of you could spark up another conversation, the sound of the front door opening reached your ears. Expecting to see Oscar, you were surprised to instead see the younger Diaz brother walking inside, bag slung over his shoulder.

Your eyes instantly shot up, but he only greeted you with a smile, grinning even wider when his eyes caught sight of Ray standing beside you.

“What are you doing home already?” You wasted no time in asking, crunching the now empty bag together into a ball with your hands.

Cesar dropped his bag on the counter once he reached you and leaned in to kiss your cheek like he always did when greeting you.

“Our teacher got sick last minute and they couldn’t find a sub.” He informed you and you hummed, watching as he turned to Lucía.

“Hug, tío.” She held her arms out and he bent down to give her a hug without protest, attacking her cheek with kisses.

She giggled, holding on to him tighter, and you instantly moved in to pull them apart when seeing her lollipop dangerously close to his hair. “Watch your uncle’s hair, Lucía.” You told her as you carefully moved her hand away.

Cesar pulled a hand over the back of his head to check for any stickiness as he stood back up to his full height but didn’t seem very bothered as he locked his pinky with hers, grinning widely at her before turning to Ray.

He suddenly turned shy, shifting on his feet. “Are you free right now? I was thinking we could go over to Dwayne’s Joint and grab some lunch. My friend’s dad is the owner and I work there sometimes so I eat for free. The food there is amazing.”

Ray glanced at you, almost as if to ask permission, and when you gave him an encouraging nod and smile, he turned to his youngest and smiled awkwardly. “Sure, I could eat.” He agreed and Cesar instantly lit up.

“Great. Let’s go.”

“Have fun.” You told them as Ray began rounding you.

Cesar reached over and gave you a quick side-hug, followed by an even quicker kiss to the cheek, obviously excited beyond words to finally get to spend some time with his dad. “I’ll be home to help with dinner later.” He promised.

You only smiled, accepting the brief affection with a smile on your face. “Don’t worry about it, it’s still early. You’ve got time.”

The teenage boy flashed you a final grin, showing off his pearly whites, before the two of them bid you and Lucía goodbye and left, leaving you and your daughter alone.

Looking to her, you noticed she had now finished the lollipop, the stick laying on the magazine beside her, and that she was now looking up at you with big, questioning eyes.

“Can I go draw?” She asked, and you smiled, nodding.

“Of course.” You replied, picking the lollipop stick up from the magazine and heading over to the trash bin. You could hear her getting down from the chair behind you and you turned around, pointing a finger at her. “But go wash your mouth first.”

She only looked at you, giggling before running away. You stood still, listening intently until you heard the tap turn on in the bathroom, only then moving again.

“You best friends with my dad now?”

You jumped at the sound of the sudden voice speaking up from behind you, one hand going for your heart and the other going directly to your stomach. Turning around, you found Oscar now leaning against the edge of the kitchen island. You hadn’t even heard him come inside.

“Shit, Oscar.” You swore, leaning back against the sink as you attempted to calm your beating heart, glaring at him. “You know you can’t scare me like that.”

He nodded slowly, uncrossing his arms from over his chest and pushing himself off the island, approaching you. “Sorry.” He apologized lowly, placing a hand on your stomach. “¿Estás bien?”

You released a breath through your nose, looking up at him. “Yeah, but you near gave me a heart attack.” You told him, eyes pointed. “You know the doctor said scaring me isn’t good for the baby.”

Taking you into his arms, he nuzzled his face into your neck, pressing his lips against the skin in the crook where your neck met your shoulders. “I didn’t mean to.” He mumbled, voice coming out muffled as he placed another kiss on the spot.

“I know you didn’t.” You hummed, wrapping your arms around his neck and dragging your fingers over the back of his head. “It’s fine.”

He pressed a third kiss to your skin before bringing his head back up, looking at you with absolutely no emotion on his face. “I don’t want you being around him. I don’t want Lucía around him.” He stated flatly, and you knew exactly who he was talking about.

“He’s her grandfather.” You defended, your voice becoming hushed so that she wouldn’t hear you talking and a glare settling over your face.

He met your glare with one of his own. “I don’t want her to get attached.” He did nothing to hide the loathing behind his words, but despite being angry he kept rubbing soothing circles on your waist and stomach.

“You’re not the only one who gets to make decisions regarding our daughter. I’m her parent, too.” You pointed out. “I’m not his biggest fan either and you know it, but I’m not going to alienate her from him like he’s got the plague. We’re all going to be living under the same room and for her sake we have to make the best of the situation.”

Oscar’s eyes closed with annoyance and he breathed out harshly through his nose, his hands stilling their previous movements at your sides. He leaned his forehead against yours and pressed a long, hard kiss to your lips, before turning around without another word and heading for the bathroom.

He clearly didn’t agree with anything you had just said but he still knew your relationship was more important than being petty and never left you on a bad note, which was one of the many, many reasons that you loved him as much as you did.

You were left alone in the kitchen when he disappeared, but not even a minute later you could hear his voice yell out through the entire house.

“SHIT!”

Your pregnancy hormones had completely control over your body and worry instantly filled your body, causing you to imagine the worst and forcing your feet to carry you across the room toward the bathroom as quickly as they could.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” You yelled out as you waddled through the hallway, appearing in the bathroom doorway only a few seconds later.

You instantly allowed yourself to let go of the breath you hadn’t known that you were holding when seeing that Oscar wasn’t hurt, laughter quickly bubbling up in your throat and escaping your lips in soft chuckles.

Oscar turned to look at you with a glare. “You think this shit is funny?” He asked, hurrying to turn off the tap that was running on full capacity.

Bringing a hand to your mouth in a failed attempt to hide your laughter, you shook your head, taking in the way his feet were now soaked in the water that had collected on the floor.

In the sink laid a white towel, having prevented the water from going down the drain and given the water no other choice but to spill over the edges.  

You struggled to hold back the snickers at the sight of him walking around in the water, his socks hanging off at his toes with the added weight.

With the laughter still caught in your throat, you turned your head out to the hallway, yelling out. “Lucía! What have we told you about leaving the towel in the sink?”

“And turning off the fucking tap!” Oscar joined in, his voice shaking the walls.

You stepped over the threshold and walked into the bathroom, happy you weren’t wearing socks and slapped his chest while giving him a pointed glare. “Don’t curse at her.” You scolded, and he simply met your glare with one of his own as Lucía’s voice came from down the hall.

“Sorry!”

The sound of her voice instantly made Oscar’s glare fall, but he still pulled an annoyed and tired hand over his face, reaching out to grab a dry towel from a shelf.

“I’ll help you.” You wasted no time in trying to round him to get to the shelf, but he caught you by your upper arms, stopping you and letting out a sigh.

“No, I got it.” He insisted. “It’s not even noon and you’ve already moved around more than you did all day yesterday. You shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself, mami.”

He was in a bad mood and had every right to considering the circumstances. Not only had his dad just returned, pretending as if he hadn’t been gone for twelve entire years but now he had to clean up after his irresponsible daughter, too.

You raised your hand to his face, pressing it against the line of his jaw and turning his head toward yours. Without saying anything, you pressed your lips to his, feeling him let out another breath through his nose, his body slowly but surely relaxing under your touch.

Breaking apart, you kept your hand on his cheek, searching his eyes.  

“I love you.” You told him sincerely, watching as his eyes closed and feeling his hands come to rest on your waist, the situation at hand and the mess around you momentarily forgotten as you held each other.

“I love you too, mamas.” He replied, leaning down to steal another kiss before pulling apart with a sigh, looking around at the mess he would be left with.

You caressed the corner of his lip as he looked around, bringing your other hand up to touch the cross hanging around his neck. “Can you give Lucía a bath once you’re done?” You asked and he nodded.

“Yeah.” He turned to look at you again. “Did she eat?”

You hummed in response to his question, confirming it. “She ate a hot dog on the way home from the store, hence the need for a shower.” You chuckled, looking around. “I doubt she actually got any of the ketchup off her face. Mostly looks like she made a mess in here.”

“A mess?” He raised an unimpressed eyebrow, letting go of your waist and taking a step back, the water splashing around his feet. “We have an indoor pool.”

“Yeaaah…” You drawled, laughter once again bubbling up in your throat. Your eyes flickered to the floor for a second before going back up to meet Oscar’s, your hand laying a light slap to his cheek. “Have fun cleaning this up, baby.”

You leaned in and placed a last kiss to his lips before turning around and heading back out toward the doorway, making sure to wipe your feet off on the threshold sill before stepping over it into the dry hallway.

“Puta…” You could hear Oscar muttering under his breath as you walked away and you grinned, yelling back over your shoulder.

“I heard that!”

“Good.” His voice came again, this time a lot closer to you, and before you had time to register what was happening, a sharp slap was delivered to your ass.

You squealed, almost jumping out of your own skin in surprise. “Oscar!” You scolded him, turning around to see him standing in the doorway with the towel twisted in his hand. How he had gotten there so fast without you hearing him stepping over the water you didn’t know, but you couldn’t keep the smile off your face.

He leaned his head out into the hallway and stole another kiss, giving you a smug smirk. “Go lay down, mami. I’ll deal with this shit.” He told you before closing himself into the bathroom, and you didn’t have to be told twice.

You shook your head, chuckling to yourself and rubbing your stinging butt while waddling back into the living room and heading directly for the couch.

Laying down, you let out a breath of relief as your back was stretched out and the pain slowly but surely started disappearing.

You grabbed a pillow and placed it over your face to block out the sunlight for the sake of your growing headache and just laid there, listening to your surroundings.

Outside the window right above you, you could hear doors of houses and cars opening and slamming shut. You could hear voices of kids yelling somewhere down the street and the wind that had been blowing through the window earlier that morning was still going strong judging by the sound of ruffling leaves.

A few minutes later of just lying there in silence, you could hear Oscar walking out of the bathroom and into Lucía’s room, talking to her in Spanish.

Another minute or two later, the sound of the bath filling and the bathroom door closing cut through the otherwise silent house and with a sigh, you decided that you were done resting.

No matter how nice it felt in your back to lay down, you hated doing nothing and didn’t want to waste any more time just lying around when there were plenty of things to be done around the house that you knew no one else would deal with.

So you stood up and wordlessly started moving around again, going around the house on a hunt for dirty dishes and bringing them with you to the kitchen where you dumped them in the sink for later.

You then began picking clothes and garbage off the floor, throwing the clothes in a hamper and the trash in a bag.

Going through the hallway with the hamper in one hand and the trash bag in the other, you checked through every room and cleaned up where it was needed.

Cesar’s room was the one at the end of the hallway and you braced yourself, also knowing that it was always the messiest.

You weren’t one to complain about what state in which he left his room; he had his space and you had yours, and as long as the door remained closed to that you didn’t have to look at his mess, you didn’t care.

But on the rare occasion, like now, where you had nothing better to do, you would head in and clean it as well as you possibly could without violating his privacy and going through his private things.

You had learned the hard way that he got extremely defensive about his things and his privacy so after that first time, you hadn’t made the mistake of snooping again, even though it had been by accident that you had found an open condom wrapper on his desk.

That was the first and only time he had ever yelled at you, something Oscar had given him shit for later, but you didn’t really take offense to it; you were only glad that you hadn’t found the condom.

While picking up dirty clothes and candy wrappers from Cesar’s floor, putting them in their respective bags, you looked around, taking in your surroundings.

The walls that had been white up until a few months ago were now spray-painted in blue and pink graffiti and on the wall right next to the doorway, a pinboard hung, holding drawings and a few pictures of Cesar with you, Oscar, Lucía and his friends, the one of him with Lucía being one of your favourite pictures.

Cesar’s arms were wrapped around her from behind, both of them smiling so widely it almost made your cheeks hurt by looking at. Lucía was holding an ice cream cone, her entire face covered in the treat, and she was wearing a yellow hat that had slid down over her eyes, hiding them from the camera.

You had taken it on one of the many days you had spent with them on the beach. It would have been perfect if Oscar had been there, but he had still been locked up at the time.

You smiled as you thought back to that day, remembering their laughter and how they had chased each other at the seashore, Lucía having been absolutely ecstatic when feeling the water at her feet.

With one last look at the photograph, you evened it out so that it wasn’t crooked before continuing to clean up on the floor.

Once all of the trash was in the bag and all of the dirty clothes were in the hamper, you folded the clothes you knew were clean and put them into his drawer, then moving on to make his bed and tidy his desk up a bit.

The carpet needed to be vacuumed and the surfaces in his room were in a pretty desperate need of a dusting and scrub, but you decided to put a pin in it, knowing it wouldn’t be very long until he got back home and probably wouldn’t want you in his room when he did.

Closing the door behind you when you left, you headed for the closed bathroom door and put the  trash bag on the floor to be able to open the door, still holding on to the now full hamper at your side.

As the door slid open, you were immediately graced by the sight of Oscar’s naked back where he was crouched down by the side of the bathtub, his arms holding his body upright on the edge.

The tiles on the floor were now dry and the washing machine was spinning like crazy, Oscar appearing to have started a load with the towels he had used to clean up Lucía’s mess, which instantly made a smile rise to your lips.

You approached him from the back, Lucía becoming visible over his shoulder as you got closer. She was playing with a blue rubber duck, making quacking noises and repeatedly moving the duck toward Oscar in an attempt to make him join in on the quacking.

He obviously didn’t and it was appearing to make her grow agitated, her quacking becoming more aggressive by every second passing.

You chuckled to yourself and decided to have some fun as Oscar had yet to notice your presence, the sound of your entrance being swallowed by the loud noise coming from the shaking washing machine.

You closed in on him sneakily, putting the hamper down to the side before slowly leaning down to his head.

You stayed there for a moment, just looking from over his shoulder as he rippled his hand through the water to create waves for Lucía’s duck, before blowing on his ear and whispering a quiet; “Quack.”

“Mierda!” He jumped to his feet instantly and you had to hurry to back away in order to not be smacked right across the face, laughter instantly spilling out from your lips.

Lucía, now having spotted you, wasted no time in joining in on the laughter even though she most likely didn’t even know what was so funny, while Oscar glared at you.

“¿Qué te pasa?” He asked, furious. “I could have hit you.” He motioned for your stomach, but you only laughed, not being able to take the situation seriously.

“For someone who’s been on the run from the law for most of his life, you’re not very attentive.” You pointed out and he pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath before taking one step forward and tugging you by your arm into his chest.

You rested your head on his chest, wrapping your arms around his torso. Above you, his eyes spotted the hamper filled to the top with dirty laundry.

At the sight of it, he moved his head away from on top of yours and raised an eyebrow at you. “I thought I told you to rest.” He said and you sheepishly smiled. “You never listen, do you?”

“Mommy never listens.” Lucía joined in from the bathtub, causing the two of you to turn around and look at her.

Oscar threw his head back as he laughed while you only narrowed your eyes at your daughter. “Are you ganging up on me now?” You questioned, and in response, she narrowed her eyes to imitate you, only causing Oscar to grow even smugger.

He reached his hand out toward her, pinky out, and Lucía moved to the edge of the tub, hooking her pinky with his.

You tutted at the sight playfully. “Like father, like daughter.” You teased, and walked back out of the bathroom, leaving them alone to their quality bath time again.

You grabbed the bag with trash from the floor outside and closed the door to the bathroom, heading over to the kitchen where you dumped the bag of trash in the bin before moving on to clean off the coffee table and make up the sofa with pillows and blankets for Ray to sleep with.

Just as you got done, Lucía and Oscar emerged from the bathroom, a cloud of steam flowing out behind them after the shower Oscar appeared to have taken by the look of his fresh clothes.

He was now wearing a black and grey checkered plaid and a pair of grey sweats that weren’t soaked in water at the ends and Lucía was dressed in her Winnie The Pooh bathrobe, the hood with ears on top pulled over her wet curls.

She wasted no time in getting up on a chair at the kitchen table, short legs starting to kick as soon as she had sat down.

While she got situated over there, Oscar walked over to the fridge by the couch where he kept the alcohol, bending down and opening the door. Before he got the chance to grab what he came for, however, Lucía called out from her spot.

“Bring me my crayons.”

It wasn’t particularly directed at him, but Oscar still closed the fridge again and stood back up to his full height, not saying a word as he left to her room to bid to her command.

While he did so, you grabbed the bottle-opener from the kitchen island and waddled over to the fridge, grabbing a cold bottle of Corona just as Oscar returned with Lucía’s crayons and coloring books.

When hearing him return, she stood up on her chair and Oscar put the things down in front of her before taking her in his arms and sitting down on the chair with her in his lap.

She wasted no time in digging into her crayons and you walked over to them, opening the bottle of beer on the way there.

At the sound of the cap releasing from the throat of the bottle, Oscar looked up, and reached out and grabbed it from your hands the second you got close enough, raising it to his lips and taking a sip immediately.

Once he brought it back down from his lips, you bent down and wrapped your arms around his shoulders from behind, pressing your lips to the tattoo on his neck.

“Gracias.” He thanked you for the beer, turning his head to the side to capture your lips with his in a kiss.

You weren’t sure when the time went from noon to afternoon, but soon enough, the sun was setting outside and Ray and Cesar were walking through the front door, talking loudly and laughing between themselves.

Oscar was still sitting with Lucía at the table, sipping on his beer slowly and watching over her as she colored in her books.

You had started on the cooking only a few minutes ago, standing over by the kitchen island chopping onions for the guacamole you were making, and you could almost feel the entire atmosphere turning hostile when ray stepped in through the door, Oscar’s anger radiating off of him and reaching you all the way where you stood in the kitchen.

But he ignored him, keeping his eyes on Lucía’s drawing and taking a large gulp of his beer while Cesar walked over to them and pinched Lucía’s cheek, causing her to let out a gleeful laugh.

The sound brought a smile to everyone’s lips, even Oscar’s, who raised his head to greet his brother with a fist-bump.

Cesar then walked right past you where you stood and headed for his room, while Ray cautiously sat down across from Oscar and Lucía at the table.  

“Pink, please.” Lucía spoke without looking up from her drawing, and Oscar did what he had been doing for the past hour and a half and handed her the crayon of her wishes, taking another gulp of his beer and completely ignoring Ray’s gaze.

She dragged the pink crayon over her drawing a few times before holding it up. “Blue, please.” She repeated herself, this time asking for another color, and Oscar wordlessly took the pink crayon and exchanged it for a blue, watching as she colored away in her book.  

You tried to give father and son some privacy by busying yourself with chopping the onions, but since you were so close to them, you couldn’t miss the way Ray was desperately trying to search out his oldest son’s eye, and failing miserably.

“You’re good with her.” He finally spoke up, nodding his head and motioning with his hand carefully.

“Mm.” Oscar’s eyes didn’t leave the drawing, his lips pulled into a tight line as he simply hummed in response.

“Are you hoping for the baby to be a boy or a girl?” Ray tried again, and you watched out of the corner of your eye as Oscar brought the bottle of beer to his lips and down the rest of its content before slamming it down on the table, raising his hand at you over his shoulder, almost as if he knew that you were watching them.

“Girl.” He answered while you wiped your hands on the kitchen towel and rounded the kitchen island, heading for the fridge where you grabbed two beers this time.

You brought them over to the table they were sitting at and grabbed the opener where you had left it when bringing Oscar his first bottle, opening the two bottles and taking the sharp caps into your hand so that Lucía wouldn’t get to them.

“Why not a boy?” Ray questioned, glancing up at you briefly as you handed him one of the beers, nodding his head. “Thank you.”

You offered him a gentle smile before turning to Oscar, taking the empty bottle from beside him and handing him the new one.

He didn’t look up at you, but when you put a hand on his shoulder in passing, he put his hand on top of yours, squeezing it in thanks before you walked back to the kitchen.

Ray knew the answer to his question, of course, already having gotten it from you earlier that day. He just wanted to hear what he would answer himself, but he should have expected Oscar not to be willing to give much away.

“Less problems.” He answered flatly and this time, Ray didn’t question him any further, only nodding and leaning back in his seat, joining him in drinking while watching Lucía draw.

The house turned silent again, but Cesar chose the right time to come back right then, returning with a plastic bag in his hand.

You hadn’t seen it when he had first arrived, so you guessed he had carried it in his bag that he had now left in his room.

He held the bag up with a smile on his face, looking around at all of you. “We went by the store and got some ice cream on the way home.” He told you, and Lucía instantly perked up, turning in Oscar’s lap to look at Cesar.

Oscar turned too, narrowing his eyes. “Where’d you get money from?” He asked, and Cesar only shrugged.

“Dad paid.” He replied simply, walking over to the freezer where he brought the tub of ice cream out of the bag and put it inside.

You watched from your spot as Ray smiled at Lucía. “Chocolate chip cookie.” He told her, and she instantly squealed in excitement, turning to Oscar.

‘’Chocolate chip cookie!” She repeated happily, and he hummed.

“I heard.”

You glared at him from where you stood on the other side of the room and almost as if feeling your glare burning into the side of his head, he turned to glare right back at you.

You gave him a pointed look, silently scolding him for not being excited for your daughter’s sake, and when he turned his head back around, bringing his beer up to his lips again, you looked at Lucía who had now gone back to drawing.

“What do we say, Lucí?” You asked, and she looked up from her drawing to beam at Ray.

“Gracias!” She exclaimed, and Ray smiled, although it didn’t go unnoticed by you the way his eyes kept flickering to Oscar’s, his smile faltering ever so lightly when they did.

The subject was dropped after that. Oscar didn’t say another word but Lucía was as happy as ever that her Abuelo brought ice cream home for her.

While the two oldest Diaz men watched her draw, Cesar joined you in the kitchen, finally greeting you after having passed by you earlier.

He murmured a quick ‘hey’, leaning down to kiss your cheek in greeting before standing beside you, watching you chop the last of the onion.

“Did you clean my room?” He asked and you glanced at him with a soft smile, nodding your head.

“Yeah.” You answered, turning your attention back to the sharp knife in your hand. “But I didn’t snoop, I promise.”

He chuckled beside you. “It’s alright. Thank you.” He let out a breath and you glanced at him again to see his smile widening, his hands now moving to roll up his sleeves. “Can I help?”

You smiled, nodding your head. “Sure. You can start dicing the tomatoes. I’m just finishing up with the onions so I’m going to start on the avocados.”

He nodded his head and wasted no time in reaching for another knife, starting on the tomatoes beside you while you, as you had told him you would, put the onions in a bowl and started on the avocados.

You chatted between yourselves and after a few minutes, Ray joined you in the kitchen with a sullen look on his face, probably having come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t welcome where he had just come from.

An hour later, you were all sitting around the table, the coloring books and crayons now put aside and the table full of food.

The only sound that could be heard was silverware scraping over the plates and the occasional silly remark from Lucía about the food. The tension hanging in the air was so thick it could have been cut with a butter knife and made it near impossible for you to enjoy your dinner no matter how good the food was.

Oscar was the tensest out of all of you, not having looked up from his plate since you served it to him.

You were holding his hand under the table, rubbing your thumb soothingly over his knuckles that seemed to be constantly bruised, doing your best to at least take some of his anger away.

But it wasn’t doing much and Cesar seemed to have noticed as well, the two of you exchanging an uncomfortable glance before he plastered on a smile and finally broke the awkward silence.

“So… dad got a job at Dwayne’s Joint today.”

“Really? That’s great news!” You hurried to join in on Cesar’s brave attempt, maybe being a little too quick judging by the way Oscar’s head whipped up to glare at you.

He slammed his fist into the table angrily, turning to glare at his younger brother. “You got him a job?” He spat, the hurt and betrayal evident in his voice as he shook his head. “Big mistake.”

Ray cleared his throat from where he sat, putting his fork down and resting his clutched hands on the table.

“You’ve got a good thing going here, Oscar. You’ve got a kind mujer and a good kid, and another on the way.” He spoke, and you smiled. “I’m not here to mess that up for you. I’m done stirring shit up in your life. I’ll move out as soon as I have enough money, I just need some more time.”

“Pendejada.” Oscar quickly swore, turning his glare to his dad. “Do you really think you’re fooling me? You’re not planning to stay. You never do. You’re gonna leave and you’re gonna crush Cesar and Lucía just like you crushed me.”

Your heart broke at his words and the feeling of his hand getting clammy in yours, and you hurt even more when seeing the tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

He stood up from his chair, pulling his hand out of yours in the process and you attempted to reach for it again. “Oscar-“

“Cállate!” He yelled, whipping around to glare at you. The unexpected volume of his voice caused you all to jump and Lucía instantly started crying out of the scare.

Oscar’s face fell the second her cries reached his ears, guilt visibly filling his body. But you just glared, stood up from your seat and picked her up, holding the back of her head as she buried her face into your neck, carrying her out of the kitchen without another word.

You could feel Oscar’s presence not far behind you and you knew he was following you. Once you reached your bedroom door, you opened it up and put Lucía down on her feet, giving her a light push toward the bed.

“Go lay down, baby.” You told her. “Mommy will be right back.” She did as told, climbing up on the mattress, and you backed back out, closing the door and turning around only to become face to face with Oscar.  

His face was regretful to a start, but it turned hard when he saw your glare.

“What the hell is your problem?” You whisper-yelled, not wanting Lucía nor Cesar to hear you fight. “You never raise your voice around her!”

“You don’t get it.” He tried, speaking through gritted teeth and pulling a frustrated hand over his face in an attempt to not lose his cool again.

You only glared back, crossing your arms over your chest. “It doesn’t matter whether or not I get it.” You spat back, shaking your head.

“If you want to be angry when you’re by yourself, that’s fine, but we made an agreement when you came home that the anger stays outside the house. Your pent up anger isn’t just affecting you right now. It's affecting us. Me. Our children." You put a hand on your belly, giving him a pointed glare. “It needs to go. The anger needs to go.”

“Do you think it’s that easy?” He fired back, glowering down at you. “You think I should forgive him, is that it? You stand here defending him but you don’t know him. Not like I do. Not even close.”

“I’m saying you deserve it.” You whisper-yelled, uncrossing your arms and prodding a finger into his chest harshly.

You glared at him, letting your and drop back to your side and took a deep breath to calm yourself before continuing.

“You’re right.” You agreed, voice now quieter and your head shaking. “I don’t know him. I don’t even know whether or not he’s sorry for his actions, for leaving you behind like you were nothing to him. But either way you need to let that shit go. Not for him, not because he might apologize or acknowledge the pain he’s caused you but for you. Holding onto anger will only hurt you, make you do things you regret. Don’t make the same mistake he did, don’t hold on to the hurt, don’t go down that same road. You’ll end up right in his shoes in a few years if you do.”

A dark look crossed over his face, unlike anything you had ever seen before. Suddenly, you were backed into the wall behind you, his chest pressing against yours and his hand coming up to press against the wall beside your head as he glared, only millimeters away from your face. “Are you saying that I would leave my kids?”

You swallowed, your heart beating violently behind your chest at the new kind of proximity. Had you been in any other situation, you would have without a doubt gotten aroused by this side of him, but sadly, that was not the case.

“Of course I’m not.” You whispered, pressing the back of your head against the wall behind you, carefully reaching out and taking ahold of his other hand as a frown spread across your face. “I’m saying that if you don’t let that shit go, you’ll continue to be driven by hatred and anger and even if that won’t actively make you a bad father, it will come in the way of you being the best version of yourself, the version I know that you can be if only you let yourself.”

He listened to you intently, his eyes shutting tightly with anger and his nostrils flaring with anger.

But you continued, bringing his hand and placing it atop your belly, pressing your forehead against his. "I know you don’t want him around but if he wants to be there for them, I’m not going to rob them of that."

His head shook against yours and his hand balled into a fist at the side of your head. "He’s just gonna leave them like he left us. Like he left me."

"If so, we’ll take that if the time comes.” You continued trying to reason with him softly, but that had not been the right thing to say.

His eyes opened and in one hasty movement, he had removed his hand from your stomach and pushed himself away from you. "When that time comes, I’m not having that conversation with them. You are." He spat and you followed his example and pushed yourself away from the wall.

“Yeah. I’ll accept that.” You glared, swallowing. “But right now he’s making Lucía and Cesar happy and that’s all I care about.”

“What about my happiness, huh?” He questioned. “Doesn’t that mean shit to you anymore?”

“You’re not unhappy because he’s here.” You stated. “You’re unhappy because you’re holding on to the anger. You owe it to yourself and your family to let it go and move on. Not to him. You and us.”

“It’s not that simple.” He shook his head and you frowned.

“I know it’s not but it all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to, has power over you. If you allow it.” You paused, looking around the hallway and letting out a deep breath. “I know you’re hurt but-“

“You don’t know anything about hurt!” He whisper-yelled at you, whipping around to face you again after having turned around.

Your heart fell in your chest and your jaw tensed as you met his eyes through the darkness. “Are you forgetting that I was left behind, too?” You whispered and only watched as he shook his head and turned away from you again.

“It’s not the same thing.”

This brought a surge of anger through your body, an anger you hadn’t felt in a very long time.

“No.” You scoffed. “Living your entire life in the middle of the system, being thrown between foster-people, all of whom were either toxic or abusive except one who died, like a fucking ragdoll with no human rights, is so much better.”

Your mind wandered back to Stanley who had taken you in when you were fifteen.

His wife had just passed away and as they had been living with infertility their entire lives, he didn’t have anyone left to keep him company. So in honor of his late wife’s memory, he decided to make one final difference in life and help a child in need.

Just like the system was portrayed in the movie ‘Instant Family’, no one ever wanted to adopt a teenager if it weren’t for the checks they got in the process, so you weren’t expecting anything. But much to yours and the social workers’ surprise, he took a liking to you.

Unfortunately, he passed on only six months later and as you were still a minor, you went right back into the system.

When you were seventeen you finally had enough of being mentally and physically abused by your foster parents all so that they would be able to get money from the state and left the center you were placed at.

You kept moving between your friends, living in their basements and attics one week at a time for almost six months until you met Oscar and slowly but surely started staying with him and Cesar.

You shook yourself free from the painful memories, forcing yourself to return to reality and noticing your eyes were now stinging with tears. But you weren’t discouraged, determined to let him hear what you had to say.

“I’ve been alone all my life. No family. Ever.” You sniffled, still glaring at him through your progressively blurring vision. “You’ve at least had Cesar and the Santos, somewhere to belong, which is more than I can say about myself. I’ve had no one but myself to count on and I finally have a family that loves me. I’m not going to lose that all because you can’t let go of the past. I hate him for leaving you, for hurting you, but he’s here now and there’s nothing neither of us can do about it but make the best of the situation for Cesar and Lucía’s sake.”

Hie eyes were burning holes into the floor and his body was tense and halfway twisted away from you, but you could still see from the side of his face that his gaze was concentrated.

No words left his mouth once you finished your little rant and for a moment, you thought that maybe you had managed to get your point across and gotten through to him, but then he wordlessly turned his back to you and began walking in the other direction.

Your heart instantly dropped in your chest and you called out for him. “Where are you going?”

“Out.” He answered coldly, not turning around and not stopping.

You rushed after him as fast as your feet could carry you and grabbed the back of his shirt, tugging him to a stop. “No, not like this, you’re not.” You protested. “We don’t leave each other upset. You know that.”

He reached around to his back and grabbed your hand, softly but firmly pulling it away from his shirt and turning around to look down at you. The glare that had previously been etched onto his face was gone now, but for some reason you found this new, emotionless expression worse.

“You’re standing here, defending him and taking his side over mine.” He spoke calmly, shaking his head. “I don’t have to stand here and listen to this shit. I’m not going to.”

“It’s not like that and you know it.” You tried sadly, attempting to intertwine your fingers with his with the hand that was still holding on to your wrist.

But he twisted his hand out of the way. “Lo que. I’m out.” He told you, dropping your wrist and turning back around. “Don’t wait up.”

He began walking away again and this time, you didn’t follow. “If you leave, you’re not sleeping here tonight.” You spoke after him, raising your voice slightly.

But he didn’t react, or at least he didn’t show it if he did. He just kept walking away from you, heading past the kitchen and straight for the front door, disappearing from your line of sight when he stepped outside.

The sound of the front door slamming shut behind him reached your ears a second later and caused you to flinch where you stood. The house was suddenly eerily quiet, the only sound being heard being the soft sobs coming from your bedroom.

Ray and Cesar were still sitting at the kitchen table and now that you had stepped out of the hallway to your room, you were on full display for them. But you didn’t say anything to them despite feeling their awkward but worried gazes at you.

Instead, you wordlessly turned around and headed back to your bedroom while sniffling against the back of your hand.

The second you were locked inside your bedroom, the tears started falling, and when seeing you cry, Lucía only cried harder.

You didn’t waste another second before heading over to the bed and getting in next to her, taking her in your lap as much as you could with your belly coming in the way. You stroked her hair, getting lost in thought.

You hated being as empathic as you were. In any other situation, you saw the personality trait as a blessing, but now… now it felt more like a curse.

Your heart bled for Oscar. You had experienced his hurt first-hand when your parents left you when you were little, along with every time the relatively nice foster parents had decided you weren’t the child they wanted and returned you to the foster care center.

You wanted to hate Ray for what he had done, for the hurt he had caused the man you loved, but no matter how much you tried, you just couldn’t, because you could see it so clearly in his face that he was trying to be better.

You sympathized with him, despite the fact that he was supposed to be- no, despite the fact that he was the bad guy in this scenario, and you hated it.

You hated that you couldn’t just snap your fingers and make it all alright, make everyone happy. Ray had only been back for a day and the hopelessness was already so overwhelming you could barely bear it.

Oscar drove to the beach that night. He sat there thinking about everything for hours, even when the final warmth had left the air and the harsh evening air started pulling at his clothes.

He had started off by thinking about his dad, about everything that had happened when he was young, but as soon as his anger melted off, Ray’s face was replaced by yours, and suddenly you were the only thing he could think about.

Not that it was a rare occurrence. Even though you had been together for so long, it happened far more often than he would like to admit.

You had always been there taking care of him and his mano in the midst of the gang wars, never losing your positivity despite the hardships you had endured throughout your life, and that’s what made him fall for you.

You were always smiling, always telling and showing people you believed in them, that their hopes and dreams were valid and reachable.

And there was your unwavering loyalty. He thought back to when you had only known each other for a year, how he had expected you to run the other way with your unborn baby when he got locked up. But you stayed, no matter how hard shit got for you on the outside.

You were twenty-three now and no matter how hard things got, you still stuck to his side through thick and thin, through things that would have had any other person fleeing for their lives a long time ago.

You had done nothing but stay positive about the little that you had through the sorrow of what could have been, and he knew he owed it to you now to do the same. Only, of course, he realized this far too late, like he always did.

By the time you heard the front door open and slam shut again, the clock on your bedside table were showing 2:42am and Lucía was sound asleep with her head in your lap.

You were stroking her long, black locks as you had for the past five hours; a trait she inherited from Oscar along with pretty much everything else.

She hadn’t gotten much from you, in truth, but you didn’t mind it. After all, Oscar was the love of your life, despite all the shit you had been through together.

Your cheeks were stiff and itchy with dried tears and you watched the clock turn from 2:42 to 2:43 just as the first knock was delivered to your bedroom door, followed by three more.

You heard a thud, most likely from his forehead hitting the door, and then came his voice, muffled through the thick piece of wood.

“Mi amor. Lo siento. Open the door, por favor.”

You carefully put Lucía’s head down on the pillow, grabbing more pillows and stuffing them under the mattress to stop her from falling down and tucked her in with a blanket before shuffling over to the door.

You twisted the lock and opened it, instantly coming face to face with a regretful Oscar. He tried to look inside and move past you, but you shoved him back, quietly closing the door behind you.

“She’s sleeping.” You whispered tiredly, your voice groggy.

“Tengo que verla.” He pleaded, but you shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest in an attempt to bring some warmth to your body to make up for the lack of body heat you had previously been receiving from your daughter.

“No, it took a long time to get her to fall asleep.” You protested again. “You’re not waking her up.”

You turned your gaze to the ground, leaning your back against the door and shivering slightly. You were tired, still shaken up and not really sure how to handle the situation seeing as you had never fought like this before.

Oscar, being able to read you like an open book, sensed your unsureness immediately and also took note of the fact that you were cold, carefully reaching his hands out to your upper arms.

Slowly, he pulled you toward him, testing the waters, and when he knew you wouldn’t blow up on him, he pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you

Your eyes instantly fell shut at the feeling, a shock of warmth going through your body and your senses being invaded with his perfume and the smell of fresh air still lingering on his clothes.

“I shouldn’t have lost my temper around her.” He mumbled, leaning his chin on the top of your head.

You hummed tiredly, wrapping your arms around his torso and taking a step closer to him. “That’s right, you shouldn’t. But you can apologize to her in the morning. Not to me.” You replied, pressing your cheek into his chest. “I’m sorry if I made it seem like I was picking his side over yours. That’s not what I was trying to do at all, I just-“

“I know, mami. You were right.” He interrupted, moving his arms from around you to take your face in his hand, bringing his face down to yours. “I’m gonna try better. I want you, Lucía and Cesar to be able to live good, without all this negative energy and shit.”

You could sense that he still didn’t fully agree with you despite claiming that you had been right, but he said nothing more about it, changing the subject and asking; “Can I sleep with you? He’s got the couch, which you already know since you made it up for him.”

A sigh of annoyance left your nose at his moody remark, but you nodded, grabbing his hands. “Come on.”

You opened the door to your bedroom again and led him inside. His eyes instantly found Lucía’s form where she was snoring lightly in the bed, her face illuminated by the bright red light cast from the alarm clock beside the bed.

His eyes didn’t leave her once while he got out of his clothes and into bed and you followed his lead, getting in on the other side of your daughter. No more words were shared between you as you got comfortable, your hands just reaching over Lucía to intertwine, sleep coming quickly for both of you.

The next morning, you were all gathered in the kitchen slash living room, all of you getting ready for your respective days.

The atmosphere was still very much tense but after Oscar’s promise to you the night before, it was a lot less hostile.

After making sure Lucía had breakfast, you had left her with Oscar and Ray to go wake up Cesar and then you had left to go get dressed in proper clothing, not wanting to waltz around in Oscar’s oversized shirt all day.

You were just now returning to the kitchen, finding a very tired Cesar sitting beside Lucía with a sandwich and a glass of orange juice on the table in front of him, slowly eating his breakfast while looking through an old Garfield comic with his niece.

On the other side of the table, Oscar was watching them silently while drinking coffee from his usual black coffee mug and Ray was minding his own business over by the couch, getting ready for his first day at work.

As you rounded the corner and entered their field of view, Oscar’s face instantly pulled into a smirk. You stopped beside him and his hand found its way to your ass in no time, pinching it cheekily.

“You’re looking fine today, mami.” He said, smirking.

You raised an eyebrow at him, unimpressed. “Really? Because I feel like a whale on the verge of bursting.” You replied crankily, only causing him to laugh and pull you down onto his lap.

“No, stop, Oscar. I’m heavy.” You protested, immediately trying to stand up again and free him from your weight.

But his arms were wrapped securely around you, his hands already having found their way to your stomach where they were now rubbing soft circles over your shirt, his lips making contact with your arm from behind you. “No estás pesada para mi.”

“You look beautiful, (Y/N).” Cesar joined in, agreeing with his brother, and Lucía wasn’t far behind, speaking out through a mouthful of cereal.

“Yeah, mamá.”

You chuckled lightly, your face pulling into a wide smile at their words in combination with the feeling of Oscar continuously pressing kisses against your arm while rubbing your stomach.

“Thank you, my babies.” You replied, leaning out of Oscar’s grasp for the briefest of second to press a kiss each to their cheeks.

In response, their grins only widened, both of their mouths full of food and looking nearly identical with the way their eyes squinted when they smiled.

But Oscar wasn’t as impressed as you returned to his arms. “You giving out kisses to my mano but none for me? You’re gonna make me jealous.” He tutted behind you and you rolled your eyes.

Turning around, you were met with his smirk, the smug bastard you oh so loved already having been expecting you to turn around. Without saying another word, you brought your hands up to cradle his face and brought your lips down to his, his hands still rubbing your stomach affectionately.

Cesar and Lucía made mocking sounds of disgust from their spots, fooling around with each other and causing you both to chuckle against each other’s lips, but you kept kissing, only breaking apart when Ray cleared his throat from the sofa.

Your faces came apart and you turned to look at him, finding him now standing awkwardly by the front door dressed in a black t-shirt with ‘Dwayne’s Joint BBQ’ printed across the chest.

“I’m off to Dwayne’s. I’ll see you all later.” He spoke lowly and your eyes furrowed together.

“No breakfast?” You asked, and he looked at you, but before he could answer for himself, Oscar’s voice spoke up from behind you.

“He doesn’t like eating in the morning.”

Both you and Ray turned to look at him, but he avoided your eyes, his face now free of emotion again as he picked his coffee cup back up and wordlessly took a sip.

You smiled fondly at him, placing your hand on top of the one that was still resting on your stomach, before turning back forward to see Cesar standing up.

“I’ll walk with you!” He exclaimed excitedly while shoving the rest of the sandwich into his mouth, reaching out for his school bag on the chair next to his and without as much as a goodbye, he had walked out the door behind Ray, leaving the three of you alone.

“Alrighty, then.” You drawled, the last minute having gone by so quickly, and turned back to Oscar. “Any plans for today, baby?”

With Ray gone, the tension from his body melted right off.

He put the coffee mug back down on the table and wrapped his arms around you again. “Nah. Thought I’d just spend the day with my two favourite girls. Go for a drive, maybe take a walk on the beach.”

You hummed, leaning back into his chest while holding on to his hand on your belly. “That sounds nice.” You smiled, turning your attention to your daughter and stretching your foot out under the table, nudging one of her legs. “Do you want to go to the beach?”

Lucía nodded, but made no move to look up from her comic, simply shoving more cereal into her mouth and starting to kick her legs more violently underneath the table judging by the way said table was shaking.

You raised your eyebrows at her, turning back to Oscar to see him watching her with an identical expression before turning to meet your eyes.

“She gets that from you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You rolled your eyes, a small smile playing at your lips. “Well, if we’re going outside you’re going to have to help me get my shoes on because I’m too fat to reach my feet.”

He chuckled but didn’t protest, urging you to stand up. You did as told and took his seat when he left to retrieve your shoes from over by the front door. Wordlessly, he helped you get them onto your feet and tied the laces into flawless knots before taking your hands in his.

“Come on, fatass.” He teased.

You raised an eyebrow, allowing him to pull you up. “Who you calling a fatass, fatass?”

“You called yourself a fatass a second ago, dumbass.” He fired back and to this, you raised your other eyebrow, as well.

“Oh, I’m a dumbass, too, now?”

He just smirked at you, pulling you into his chest in an embrace and bending down to kiss you as his hand pinched your butt.

“Dumbass is a bad word.” Lucía spoke up from the table and you laughed, cutting the kiss short, turning to look at her while nodding your head.

“You’re right, it is. Bad daddy.”

“Bad daddy.” She agreed, glaring at Oscar who playfully raised his eyebrows in return.

Lucía, now having finished her breakfast and apparently having had enough of Garfield for this morning, went and changed out of her pajamas into some regular clothes, and then the three of you locked up the house and headed out in the Impala.

You left the streets of Freeridge and drove around Los Angeles for a good hour before you headed back and found yourselves at the beach, and once there, you spent a good two hours thanks to Lucía refusing to leave.

You bought a bag of bread at the store before going there so that she could throw it to the seagulls, and once the annoying, screeching birds made an appearance, it was near impossible to get her back into the car.

But you managed in the end, even though she cried pretty much the entire ride home.

Once you were back home, you took her to bed for a much-needed nap while Oscar went out again to deal with some business, Sad Eyes having been waiting in front of the house when you got back.

When you had finally managed to get her to sleep, you had moved to get out of the bed and go tend to the chores that needed doing, but just as you were about to stand up, Oscar had come back in and laid down with you.

You lost track of how long you just laid there. You didn’t speak a word to each other, just drifting in and out of sleep while waiting for Lucía to wake up again.

His arms were wrapped around you from behind, instinctively moving around on your stomach and squeezing gently in hope to feel a kick.

When the times came where there actually was a kick, he always had his hands in the wrong place, which in turn forced you to constantly move them around with your own.

Lucía woke up some time later, but by then, you had both managed to fall asleep, and she had not-so-graciously woken you up by hitting you both in the head with a book that she wanted you to read for her.

Oscar had accepted the task. He wasn’t doing much reading, just flipping through the book and looking at the pictures, but she wasn’t complaining.

“Can we eat the ice cream Abuelo bought for me yesterday?” She spoke up then after a long while of silence and your eyes instantly switched to Oscar, awaiting his reaction, but he barely even reacted at all.

“Yeah.” He only replied calmly without looking away from the book, flipping the page.

While she reached out and touched the butterfly now presented before her, touching the purple glitter, he looked at her from the side. “I’m sorry I got angry and yelled last night, princesita. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She didn’t answer, just keeping her eyes on the butterfly and wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her cheek to his in a way that made her entire face scrunch up at the force.

He pressed a kiss to her temple, flipping the page again.

A few minutes later, you found yourself sitting around the table in the kitchen, each with a bowl of ice cream in front of you and conversing easily while you ate.

The front door opened then and all of your heads turned to see Cesar jogging inside with his school bag slung over his shoulder.

“Have a good day at school?” You asked with a smile, and he smiled back, nodding.

“Yeah, thanks.” He hurried out, rushing over to you and hastily kissing yours and Lucía’s cheeks, bumping his fist against Oscar’s in a quick greeting.

“You want some ice cream, mano?” Oscar asked before putting another spoonful of the ice cream into his mouth, giving his brother an amused smirk.

Cesar only shook his head, going over to the kitchen island where he dropped his bag at Lucía’s barstool. “No, I’m meeting up with dad at Dwayne’s. He gets off work in five minutes.” He answered quickly and barely even spared you another glance as he headed for the front door.

But he stopped himself suddenly and turned back around, and you raised an eyebrow at him as he jogged over to where you sat and took your spoon from your hand, scooping some of your ice cream into his mouth and giving you a goofy grin.

“Thanks, bye.” He gave your spoon back to you and rushed back for the door, this time not turning around.

You chuckled at his antics, going back to your ice cream, but beside you, Oscar had now put his spoon down and pushed his bowl away from him on the table.

Lucía noticed this in an instant and immediately claimed his bowl, pulling it over to her. You watched as she began eating from both of the bowl, all while Oscar stared into the table, obviously disappointed that Cesar hadn’t joined you.

You slowly reached your hand out over the table to take his in yours, giving it a comforting squeeze. He squeezed it back, pulling a hand over his face, before standing up and leaving the table to go outside for a smoke.

The fact that Cesar was suddenly looking up to his dad more than he hurt him, that much was clear in your eyes no matter how much he would try to hide it.

But he still didn’t want to hover and be an ass by forcing him to spend time with him, which was why come Saturday morning, you saw the perfect opportunity for them to spend some good old brotherly time together and pushed them to take it.

Oscar was, like every other morning, sitting at table in the kitchen slash living room. Seeing as it was Saturday, you had slept in today, the clock showing eleven by the time you had finished eating breakfast.

Ray had left for work when you had still been asleep and Cesar and Lucía were still sleeping, for the time being giving you the rest of the house to yourselves for the first time since he had returned.

You were on day six of him staying with you now and during that time, you had learned the hard way that he wasn’t the most organized or clean person, leaving clothes and food out all over the house.

The living room was smelling like a literal garbage dump, a mess of suspicious food occupying the coffee table over by the sofa.

You had attempted to clean said mess the second you had woken up, but Oscar hadn’t let you, saying that you weren’t his maid and that he could clean his mess up himself, so you tried your very best to ignore the awful smell while you had your breakfast.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a very big struggle once you got your mind on other things. It would have been worse, for sure, if you would have been at the beginning of your pregnancy. Had that been the case, you wouldn’t have been able to hold your food down.

Once you heard the bubbling of the coffee machine slow down in the kitchen, you stood up from your seat at the table and walked over. On your way, you cranked open the kitchen window, hoping that a bit of fresh air would help with the smell.

You then brought Oscar’s usual black coffee cup down from its cupboard and filled it up with coffee, leaving a little bit of space for the milk that you poured in when you passed the refrigerator, and then waddled back over to him where he was boredly flicking through Lucía’s Garfield comic.

“Here you go, papi.” You said as you reached him, putting down the coffee cup in front of him, careful not to spill any on the magazine because if you did, you knew hell would be unleased when its owner woke up.

Oscar looked up at you, closing the comic and pushing it to the side and pulling you into his lap by your arms. “Gracias, mamas.” He thanked you, raising his head in an indication for you to come closer.

And you did just that, leaning your head down to press a kiss to his lips. You smiled against his lips and he hummed, his hands contently rubbing along the sides of your thighs.

You didn’t get a lot of moments with just Oscar anymore so you took your sweet time with each other, slowly moving your lips together in synchronization.

Whenever you had some free time on your hands, he always had some illegal shit to take care of. When he had some time to spare, you always had some errands to run and when you both, against all odds, had some free time, Lucía was always there with you.

It was risky getting frisky in the open, you knew, as anyone could’ve walked right in on it, but in that moment you didn’t care.

Your hands slowly moved over his arms, shoulders and neck, coming up to grab his face to pull his face even closer to yours, and his hands moved to your butt, turning you more against him in his lap.

It wasn’t the most gracious embrace with your giant stomach coming in the middle, but it was comfortable anyhow, his touches sending small holts of electricity through your body

“Good morn-“ Cesar stopped himself in the doorway as he entered the living room just then.

You broke apart from the kiss, both out of breath, and looked over at him just in time to see his entire face scrunch up in disgust. But not because of what he had just walked in on. No, that he was used to, more so than he would like to admit.

Instead, he started sniffing the air, looking around and not even blinking an eye to the intimate moment he had just caught you in.

“Agh, dude. What is that smell?” He asked and Oscar wasted no time in pointing to the coffee table.

“Chicken.” He spoke out in an annoyed voice, shaking his head and getting defensive at the look his mano was suddenly giving him. “Don’t look at me.”

Cesar glared back at him. “Look, he’s been gone 12 years. I just want a chance to get to know him.” He said.

Oscar nodded, one of his hands leaving your butt to pick up his coffee mug. “Then you can clean up after him. I’ve got bigger things to worry about. Block’s been quiet.” He said, bringing the mug to his lips and taking a big gulp.

Cesar stared at him and it was only then you noticed the towel hanging from his hand, the realization that he was wearing swimming trunks hitting you shortly after.

He then went to move past you where you sat and Oscar put down the mug and stood up on his feet in no time, still holding on to your waist as you stood up with him and reaching his other hand out to catch Cesar’s shoulder.

“Hey, where you going?”

Cesar gave him an obvious look. “Duh. The pool. It’s open.” He answered rudely and Oscar raised his eyebrows at him.

“Not before you clean up that nasty ass chicken.”

“The chicken can wait a few more hours.” You heard yourself speak before you had even gotten the time to process the thought in your head, but when they turned to look at you, there was no going back, their looks urging to you to continue. “You’re taking Lucía and going with your mano to the pool.”

“Mamas-“

“No.” You interrupted Oscar, pushing at his chest. “Go wake her up and I’ll pack you a bag. Cesar can clean up when he comes home.”

You smiled at him and out of the corner of your eye, you could see Cesar’s face lighting up into a smile to his brother, too.

Said brother glared down at you and you could practically hear his thoughts; you were being too easy on Cesar.

But he didn’t say anything, only turning on his heel and heading to your bedroom to bid to your command.

Meanwhile, you packed his and Lucía’s swimming suits into a bag along with two towels and her Winnie The Pooh bathrobe, a bottle of sunscreen, some water and sandwiches for lunch and of course, the worn-out Garfield comic that she always had to “read” when she ate.

After a good five minutes of convincing Oscar that you would be alright on your own for a few hours, they left for the pool and the second they were out of the house, you laid down in your bed and fell asleep again.

By the time you woke up again the alarm clock by your side was showing 3:27pm, meaning you had been asleep for a good three and a half hours.

You had totally intended to let Cesar clean up the mess left behind by his dad by himself to a start, but after doing two loads of laundry and vacuuming and dusting his room like you had put a pin in a few days ago, you were left restless and bored while awaiting someone’s return and company.

So you brought out a plastic bag and began cleaning off the trash on the coffee table, having to scrub it down with gloves in order to get the juices of the old, rotten chicken out of the wood.

And of course, Oscar had chosen that time out of all the times to return home.

Lucía had run straight past you into her room, her hair still wet and her body dressed in her swimsuit and bathrobe.

While she disappeared down the hallway to your room, Cesar and Oscar stopped in the doorway of the front door at the sight of you scrubbing away at the table, meeting your eyes with different expressions on their faces.

Cesar’s was a mixture of gratefulness that you had relieved him of his work, and nervousness as he knew what was about to come.

Not wanting to be around when shit went down, he slipped off to his room after kissing you hello, leaving you alone with Oscar who was glaring coldly at you for doing the exact thing he had told you not to do.

But he hadn’t said a word, simply taking the trash bag standing by your side and taking it with him outside.

Dinner was tenser than usual that afternoon and when you had shut yourself into your room to put Lucía to sleep later that night, you listened as Oscar yelled his father out in Spanish, pointing out that you were heavily pregnant and still did more around the house than he did.

You couldn’t hear any of Ray’s replies as he was clearly talking with a normal indoors voice, Oscar being the only one yelling, but come next morning when you were cleaning away after Cesar’s breakfast, Ray got out of the sofa and told you to sit down and let him do it.

Surprised, you did as told, the two of you conversing while he cleaned and even fixed you breakfast.

He was obviously trying his hardest to earn his stay, he just hadn’t gotten the routine in yet. You knew Oscar was having a harder time accepting his presence, but you were grateful that he was even trying.

Oscar came out from shower a few minutes later to find his dad feeding Lucía yogurt, the two of them chatting away about Garfield while you sat eating the toast he had fixed you up before she had joined you at the table.

He obviously approved of the change in his dad’s behavior because he served himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table rather than leaving the room, but he still didn’t say anything.

For the next two weeks, they barely spoke a word to each other. Ray tried to spark up conversations every day to a start but he stopped when he realized he wasn’t making any progress, respecting Oscar’s unspoken wish to be left alone.

Whenever Ray would volunteer to look after Lucía, Oscar would just stare at him with distaste as you agreed, while you, for one, were just happy to see her having so much fun.

He was great with her, taking her out for ice cream, bringing her back small toys when he came home from work and spoiling her rotten to the extent he could with his small income.

On the afternoons Oscar were out handing gang-related things, Ray started walking with you and getting her from daycare so that you didn’t have to walk by yourself, which in turn resulted in Oscar making sure he was free around that time every day to minimize the time you and Lucía spent with him.

He did everything in his power to keep you away from him without actually speaking his concerns out loud, not wanting a repeat of the first night. But whatever he did, everyone but him just seemed to grow closer to Ray and it made him furious.

He was now on his third week staying with you, it was a Friday afternoon and you were just coming back from having picked Lucía up from daycare.

Oscar was walking behind you with her sleeping form held tightly against his chest, his arms wrapped around her back and her head resting on his shoulder, her thumb sucked into her mouth and her comfort blanket hanging from her hand.

You were walking ahead and stepped through the front door first, holding it open for him so that he could walk inside without bumping Lucía into the doorway.

While he disappeared straight down the hallway to put Lucía to bed, you spotted Cesar lying back-down on the couch, his face illuminated by the bright light streaming from his phone that was held over his face.

He barely even noticed your presence, concentrated on whatever it was he was doing on his phone and you raised an eyebrow at this, shrugging your jacket off and dumping it on the chair across from the couch.

Before you could say anything to him, though, Oscar walked back into the living room. “Where’s dad?” He wasted no time asking and only then did Cesar look away from his phone, surprised to see two pairs of eyes at him.

He shrugged his shoulders at the question. “I thought he went with (Y/N) to pick up Lucí.”

“No, I did.” Oscar answered immediately, narrowing his eyes slightly and taking a step forward.

Cesar gave him a look. “Yeah, I can see that.” He shrugged again, turning back to his phone, not seeming very bothered. “He’s probably still at work.”

Oscar snorted. “He got off at four. It’s almost seven.”

As the brothers kept bickering back and forth about Ray’s whereabouts, a bad feeling settled in the pit of your stomach and before you could even register that your body was moving, your feet carried you over to the kitchen island where your wallet was laying on full display.

With a shaky hand, you opened it, and instantly got your suspicions confirmed.

“Shit.” You swore quietly under your breath, hanging your head down.

But no matter how lowly you had spoken, Oscar had heard you and walked over to you, asking. “What?”

You looked at him, guilt and pity building up in your chest. Could he really have been right about Ray all this time? Had you been naïve and misinterpreted his affection for Cesar and Lucía?

“My bus card isn’t in my wallet.” You answered finally, keeping your voice down so that Cesar wouldn’t hear you and get any ideas.

A glare instantly settled over his face, and he didn’t bother keeping his voice down as he shook his head. “What did I tell you? Huh?” He questioned, and Cesar, sensing the atmosphere taking a turn for the worse, walked over.

“What’s going on?” He looked between you with a questioning glance and Oscar let out a humorless laugh.

“You gonna tell him?” He asked and you closed your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose and breathing out before looking back at Cesar.

“My bus card isn’t in my wallet and it was when we left an hour ago.”

Cesar’s face turned cold almost immediately, his eyes hardening as he understood what you were insinuating. “No.” He shook his head, taking a step back and clenching his fists at his sides. “No. He wouldn’t just leave. Not without saying goodbye.”

“Yeah, he would.” Oscar let out a scoff, followed closely by a dry laugh.

You sent him a glare at his insensitivity, but before you got the time to tell him off about it, Cesar whipped around to look at him and prodded a sharp finger into his chest

“Of course he would, with the way you’ve been treating him!” The youngest Diaz brother exclaimed angrily, tears already building up in his eyes as the panic settled in him. “I just got him back and now you’ve pushed him away, why do you always ruin everything good in my life?!”

Oscar looked at his brother with hard eyes and stood quietly, just taking on his rage, but the way his Adam’s apple bobbled in his throat indicated that he wasn’t feeling as unbothered about the situation as he put on.

Just the thought of how broken he would be if Ray actually left again caused your heart to tug in your chest, even more so when you realized you would be the one left behind to pick up the pieces not only from Oscar’s broken heart but Cesar’s too.

“Cesar, calm down.” You tried reasoning with him, putting a calming hand on his shoulder. “We don’t know what’s going on yet. We can’t just rush to conclusions, maybe he just-“

“There is no maybe!” Oscar exclaimed, turning to look at you and in turn causing you to look back to him. “He left, like I told you he would. This shit’s on you.”

“Don’t blame her.” Cesar instantly jumped to your defense, getting up in his brother’s face. “This is your fault. Not hers. She’s done nothing but try to make him feel welcome.”

They glared at each other, both clenching their fists at their sides and not moving a single muscle. You were left not knowing what to do, your heart beating violently in your ribcage, your pulse deafening in your ears.

But then the front door opened, and all of you turned your heads to the source of the disruption, holding your breaths as you watched Ray walk inside with several paper bags balanced in his arms.

He hadn’t noticed you yet, busying himself with kicking a pair of shoes out of the doorway in order to be able to get in without dropping the bags.

After stepping inside, he turned around and closed the door behind him softly, and then he turned around to face you, stopping in his tracks once he caught sight of you.

His eyes turned unsure as he became aware of the tense atmosphere and the threatening stance both of his sons were standing in.

He looked at them for a moment, silently wondering what was going on, and then turned his gaze to you.

When your eyes met his, you felt more relieved than you had ever done in your life before. Not just for Cesar’s sake, but also for Oscar’s, because no matter how much he would have tried to deny it, you knew that it would have absolutely broken him if he left again.

He had been forced to grow up early in life when having the responsibility of raising his brother on his own thrown on him, but inside of him there was still a small part of the little boy he had been back then and that small part craved his father’s attention and presence.

He tried so hard not to show it, to not show himself weak by covering his true feelings up with the hate and spite he had taught himself to feel for his dad, but deep down, he still loved him. You knew it, he knew it and you were pretty sure Ray knew it too, and that it was therefore that he always kept trying to talk to him.

“Everything okay here?” Ray was the one to finally break the silence and at the sound of his voice, both brothers seemed to relax, their shoulders slumping and their glares faltering.

While Oscar looked at him with a foreign expression, unreadable even for you, Cesar looked at him with pure relief.

Ray noticed this, giving his youngest a worries look when he caught sight of the tears built up in his eyes.  “You alright, mijo?”

Cesar offered him a watery smile before turning back to glare at Oscar. “I told you he wouldn’t leave.” He spat out shortly, not saying another word to any of you before walking off, the sound of his bedroom door slamming shut reaching your ears a few seconds later.

The three of you were left in silence again and Ray awkwardly looked between the two of you. He carefully balanced the bags with one of his arms, slowly reaching his other hand into his back pocket do grab something.

Once he got a hold of whatever object it was, he held it out for you and you realized quickly that it was your bus card.

"The fridge was empty so I borrowed your bus card to go to the store.” He informed you. “Wanted to save you the trouble of going on your own. I hope that's alright."

A smile pulled at your lips as you took the card back from him. "Of course. Thank you." You thanked him, but Oscar wasn’t as impressed.

His face pulled into a nasty glare, eyes narrowed to the point where they were just lines of eyelashes.

“Did you take her credit card too?” He attacked, his entire stance rigid.

He wouldn’t admit it but you could read him like an open book, see that he had gotten scared and was now trying to cover up the vulnerability with anger; the only way he knew how.

Ray turned to look at him with an offended look crossing over his features. “I know I’m not the best person but-“

“You’re not.” Oscar quickly interrupted. “You’re as bad as they come.”

Ray nodded, not even bothering to deny his son’s accusations because he knew it was true. “But I would never steal from family.” He finished the sentence he had been trying to get out before being interrupted.

Without waiting for another reply from Oscar, probably knowing that he was just going to keep fighting, he turned to you, now with a smile on his lips. “I got you something.”

Your eyes instantly flickered to Oscar who was now narrowing his eyes in suspicion, but while he kept glaring, you only perked up with curiosity, following Ray as he walked over to the kitchen island to put the bags down, watching as he began rummaging through one of them.

“It’s in here somewhere…” He mumbled to himself while unpacking the bag in order to get a better view of what was inside, and no longer than a few seconds later, you watched as he pulled out a small, white baby bodysuit.

He smiled as he unfolded the tiny piece of clothing and turned it around, and your eyes widened at the sight of the words printed across the front in shimmery, golden letters.

‘Mommy and Daddy’s Little Saint’.

The smile on Ray’s face was genuinely excited as he proudly presented his find. “For the baby. You know, Saint as in Santo.” He explained. “It’s white so it works for both a girl and a boy.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you took it from him, feeling the soft fabric under your touch and tracing your fingers over the letters.

Before you could stop yourself, you had wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him as close as your stomach would allow.

His hands unsurely found their way to your back, patting you lightly.

“Thank you.” You mumbled into his shoulder, completely oblivious to the look Oscar was giving you.

Ray patted your hair and hugged you back, frowning slightly as he didn’t know why you were getting so emotional. “No problem, mija.” He answered, and that’s when the hormones got the best of you and everything just came crashing down.

You tore yourself out of his embrace and put the bodysuit down on the barstool by the kitchen island before wordlessly hurrying down the hallway, closing yourself into the bathroom.

You liked to convince yourself that you weren’t affected by your parents, or lack thereof, and you usually weren’t, but when you were pregnant you leaned pretty quickly that it was a subject to stay away from.

Just the mere thought of them could make everything, all the pain you had been forced to withstand through your life, come flooding back in one moment, and despite his past record of walking out on his family, Ray still had a natural fatherly feel to him.

When you hugged him and heard him use the nickname that so many parents used to show affection for their kids, something you had never gotten to experience before, all of it just got too overwhelming for you.

Ray was rooted to his spot, looking at you with shock written all over his face. He turned to Oscar, who was still watching him with squinted eyes, although now a lot less hostile.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked, and Oscar just sniffed, walking over to him.

“No. She gets like that.” He said, picking the bodysuit up from the barstool when he got close enough to reach it, taking a look at it for himself and turning his lips down in a ‘not bad’-expression. “This is nice. She appreciates it.”

He ripped the tag off the hem and began folding it, ignoring the way Ray’s gaze was burning into the side of his face.

“And you?” Ray asked, and Oscar nodded, avoiding his gaze.

“Yeah.” He answered simply before walking over to the side of the front door where your hospital bag stood at the ready, picking it up and packing down the bodysuit.  

Ray watched him from where he stood, not really sure what to say. “Do you need to go check on her?” He asked finally after a few seconds of silence, and once again, Oscar barely spared him as much as a glance.

“No. She wants to be alone when she gets like that. Hormones and shit. She’ll be back soon.” He replied, putting the bag back down and heading for the fridge by the couch.

Ray nodded, his eyes following Oscar as he moved around. He watched as he brought a beer out from the fridge and walked over to the table with it in hand, and as he sat down and grabbed the bottle-opener, snapping the metal lid off and wasting no time in bringing the bottle to his lips, taking a large gulp.

Oscar let out an annoyed sigh, feeling the stare burning into the side of his face.

“What?” He asked without looking up from the table, and Ray’s face changed to one of confusion.

“What?” He asked back, and finally, Oscar looked up to meet his gaze.

“You’re looking at me like you got something to say so speak.”

Ray gave him a hesitant look. “I’ve been here three weeks and I haven’t heard anything about her parents. Got me wondering, is all.” He spoke slowly.

Oscar nodded, looking at him for a few more seconds before turning his attention back to the table, lifting the bottle of beer to his lips for another sip. “She has no parents.” He replied. “Cesar, Lucía and I are all she’s got.”

“Where are they?”

“Left her with her babysitter when she was five to go get dinner, never came back. She grew up in the system.”

“You sure nothing happened to them?” Ray questioned, his voice still careful, almost as if one wrong word would make Oscar blow up. And in truth, it probably would.

“No.” He took another gulp of his beer. “They left a note.”

Ray’s face fell, his hands gripping at the edge of the kitchen island behind him. “That’s rough.”

“Mhm.” Oscar hummed, moving a small piece of cereal around on the table in front of him, left behind from Cesar and Lucía’s breakfast earlier that morning.  

“For what it’s worth-“

Oscar’s head instantly whipped up, a hard glare crossing his features. “Whatever it is, it’s not worth shit.” He spat, causing Ray to flinch back slightly.

But no matter how discouraged he got, he continued. “I’m sorry I never called or wrote. If I could take it back and do it differently, I would.”

“But you can’t.” Oscar glared and Ray shook his head.

“No, I cant.” He agreed. “I already told Cesar this the other day but if I got the chance to choose my kids, I would choose the two of you every time. You’ve had it rough, been down the same path I’ve been stuck on all my life. But I’m proud of you, mijo. Of what you’ve got going on here. I know you don’t want me around but I’m not here to stir shit up for you. I’m here to make things right.”

Oscar looked up at his dad while he spoke, listening to him intently and not interrupting him once. The glare on his face was gone when he finished. However, the hard look in his eyes remained in his eyes as he answered.

“You can’t. It’s too late for that.”

But Ray only started back. “That doesn’t mean I should stop trying.”

Oscar nodded in response, the two of them holding their eye-contact as a comfortable silence fell over them. Half a minute later, Oscar finally broke the stare, turning his gaze to the side as he took another swig of his beer before putting it down on the table.

He stood up and headed over to the fridge again, wordlessly bringing out another bottle and heading back to the table where he snapped the cap off.

Grabbing his beer, he walked over to Ray where he was standing by the kitchen island and shoved the untouched beer into his chest, pushing past him and walking around the counter.

Ray took it and turned around, meeting Oscar’s eyes over the counter as he motioned for the bags that were still just standing around. “Make yourself useful.” He ordered, and without waiting for a response, he began unpacking the bags, Ray following his example after taking a sip of his beer.

Half an hour later, your hormones had calmed down, allowing you to stop crying about the bodysuit and exit the bathroom again after freshening yourself up by splashing some cold water into your face.

You slowly and quietly walked down the hallway, slowing down slightly as you reached the corner at the sound of Ray and Oscar’s voices.

“Do it like this instead.” You heard Ray instruct, and Oscar’s annoyed reply came only a second later.

“I know how to cut a jalapeño, anciano.”

“You’re getting the seeds everywhere. They’re supposed to stay on the core.”

“You do it if you’re so much better.”

You slowly rounded the corner, careful not to make a sound.

Your eyes found the two of them in the kitchen immediately, standing side by side. The kitchen lamp was shining down on them and on the stove, something was frying in a pan.

Oscar stood taller than his dad by at least five inches, yet he somehow still looked smaller beside him. Maybe it was the momentarily vulnerable look that crossed over his face when his dad reached out and  took the knife from his hand that caused the illusion.

“You cut the tip of first and then stand it up, hold the stem and cut down from the bottom. And then you can dice the slices.” Ray calmly showed him how he was supposed to cut it and even though Oscar’s eyes remained guarded, he watched. “No seeds, no mess. You try it.”

Oscar muttered some Spanish curse word under his breath, but still snatched the knife back from his dad’s hand and did as he had just been shown.

You took that as your cue to make yourself known, waddling into the kitchen with one hand on your stomach and the other at the small of your back for support.

Their head rose in sync when hearing you approaching, their hands stopping what they were doing. Oscar greeted you with a kiss and Ray greeted you with a smile, neither of them bringing up the way you had just ran off earlier of which you were grateful.

You took a seat on the barstool and only a minute later, a now calm Cesar appeared from his room and joined you in watching his dad and mano cook dinner together.

Things were still not all okay, far from it, but even a blind person could have seen that you were making huge progress, and in that moment, it was enough for everyone to be civil with each other, which was more than could be said about the past three weeks.

After dinner, Cesar had gone over to Monse’s house and you and Oscar moved into your bedroom where Lucía was still sleeping soundly in the bed while ray went to sleep in the couch.

You moved around the room, getting ready for bed quietly to not wake her up. While you were changing into your nightshirt over by the closed window, Oscar was sitting at the side of the bed, pulling his white tank top over his head.

Once you were properly dressed for bed, you wordlessly climbed onto the mattress, wrapping your arms around Oscar’s shoulder from behind and pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder.

He turned his head to look at you, but before he could say or do anything, his phone lit up on the nightside table, starting to vibrate as a call came through.

You released his shoulders and sat back, watching as he took the phone and stood up, answering the call.

“Sí?” He spoke into the phone. You could hear someone talking on the other side of the call, but you couldn’t identify the voice or the words spoken.

Oscar whipped around to face you then, causing you to jump. “When?” He asked the person, and you watched with growing worry as a dark look crossed over features and he pulled a hand over his face. “Yeah, I’ll take care of it. I’ll call you back. Cuídate.”

He hung up and quickly started pulling on his clothes again, causing you to rush out of the bed. “Who was it?” You asked, your heart beating rapidly in your chest.

“Mario.” He replied without looking at you, pulling his tank top over his head and going over to the drawer in the corner of the room, where you knew he kept his gun.

“Since when does Mario call you?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing together and arms crossing over your chest.

He unlocked the top drawer of the dresser and wasted no time in bringing the gun out. “Since Cesar, his brother and their friends got caught up with Cuchillos.”

“What?!” You exclaimed before you could stop yourself, and the two of you instantly turned around to look at Lucía who was now stirring in her sleep. But luckily, she didn’t wake up.

You turned back to Oscar, finding him already looking at you. “Her men kidnapped them a few weeks ago and offered them the Rollerworld money back if they finished a job for her. It’s taking them to long, she’s getting impatient. She broke into Monse’s house yesterday and Ruby’s house just now, threatened their families.”

“What? Kidnapped? Why the fuck am I only just hearing about this now?” You asked, eyes widening. “Is that why Cesar was in such a hurry to get to Monse’s? What kind of job could Cuchillos possibly want a group of teenagers for?”

Oscar looked away from you, loading the clip into the gun. “Tracking down Lil’ Ricky.”

“What?” You whisper-yelled, not really sure what you were supposed to think anymore. “Isn’t he dead?”

Oscar glanced at you. “No.”

Your eyebrows creased together. “How do you know?”

“Because I helped them dig up his grave.” He replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do. But it wasn’t.

Your eyebrows shot up in disbelief, barely believing what you were hearing. “You did what now?”

Your head was spinning. You didn’t know what the hell was going on at this point, you were being given far too much information at once and you weren’t able to process it.

You had known about the Rollerworld money, of course, as they had been used in the whole plot to buy Cesar’s freedom back and get the Prophets off the streets, but the rest of it… it was all new to you, this being the first time you were hearing about it.

You’d had absolutely no idea that Cuchillos had roped in the kids, and it got you wondering how long it had gone on behind your back.

“I have to go take care of this.” Oscar turned to you then, tucking the gun into the waistband of his pants and pulling his tank top over it.

Your teeth started chewing at the inside of your cheek automatically, the worry only intensifying by every second passing. “What are you going to do?”

He took a step closer to you, grabbing your face in his hands. “Don’t worry your pretty head about it, mamas. I’ll be fine.” He promised.

You stared up at him, placing your hands on top of his. “Please tell me you’re not going after Cuchillos.” You pleaded, and the look on his face revealed that it was exactly what he was going to do.

In that moment, it really hit you how much information Oscar must have kept from you throughout your relationship and it didn’t sit well with you at all.

Not because he hadn’t told you, but because he could have been in life-threatening situations more times than you could count, and you wouldn’t even have known about it.

As if being able to read your thoughts, Oscar leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, pulling away and moving one of his hands to stroke your belly. “I’ll be fine.” He promised again. “I’ll be here when you wake up and we’ll start fresh. Prometo.”

With that, he lowered his hand to hook his pinky with yours, and as he left, you took his word for it. But when you woke up the next morning, you were alone.

Or well, not entirely alone; Lucía was still there, of course. But Oscar wasn’t. He never got home like he told you he would and you were worried sick.

But despite the sickening worry you pushed through and went on with your day as you usually would with a lot of help from Ray, who had called in sick to work when you had told him about Oscar’s approximate whereabouts.

He didn’t want to leave you home alone with your due date being so close, and you were thankful to have him there because in all your worried-sick glory, you could barely bring yourself to take care of Lucía, constantly spacing out.

You had called Cesar to ask if he had heard from his mano but he hadn’t. He told you that him, Ruby, Monse and Jamal had locked themselves inside in the Martinez house, the four of them wanting to be together until they knew where they were at with Cuchillos.

You called Mario too, since he had been the one to call Oscar to tell him about Cuchillos threatening their family, but he hadn’t heard back from Oscar either, and the man in question, of course, wasn’t picking up his phone.

You had never been as worried as you were now, and things didn’t get easier for you when Lucía kept asking you about her dad’s whereabouts, a question to which you couldn’t give an answer.

But you were lucky to have Ray there to help you out. He had tended to all the chores around the house throughout the day, all while taking care of his granddaughter and making sure you were okay.

He and Lucía had even cooked dinner together, a process during which she had cracked an egg over his head, something you knew Oscar would have found absolutely hilarious.

After dinner, Lucía went to bed on her own accord, exhausted after a long day of excessive playing with her Abuelo, leaving you and Ray to clean up in the kitchen.

No words were exchanged between the two of you as you worked together with the dishes. Ray washed them under the tap, scrubbing them free of food, and then passed them on to you for you to dry and put them back in their cabinet.

Suddenly, you felt a sharp jab of pain go through your lower abdomen, and after that, everything happened so quickly.

The glass that you were currently drying slipped out of your grasp as you reached out to grab on to the counter for support out of instinct, the glass shattering around your feet as it hit the floor.

Ray’s head whipped around in your direction and he wasted no time in dropping the plate he was currently washing, turning off the tap in one swift movement before rushing over to you.

“Watch your feet.” He instructed you worriedly, stepping over the big shards of glass to help you back away to a clean part of the floor. Once he was sure that you were safe, he let go of your arms. “I’ll go get the broom.”

Without waiting for a response, he turned around, stepped back over the glass and disappeared down the hallway, leaving you to support yourself by the kitchen island as another sharp jab of pain spread through your stomach.

This time, the pain was much more intense, causing you to rush your hand to your belly, and before you knew it, a warm feeling spread through your lower parts, wetness soaking the leggings you were wearing.

“No, no, no, no, no, not now. Please, not now.” Your eyes widened, panic settling in your chest as the pain hit you again. “Ray!” You yelled out, holding on to the counter with all your might as the pain got worse.

He came running in no time, meeting your eyes with a worried glance.

“Call Oscar again.” You instructed him at once, trying your hardest to focus your breathing.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he approached you, but as his eyes flickered from your face, scrunched up in pain, to the floor where you were now standing in a puddle of fluids, he got his answer.

“Shit.” He cursed, walking over the glass without a single care in the world and rushing over to your side. “Okay, let’s sit you down, mija.”

With the new-found support, you were able to waddle over to the kitchen table where he helped you sit down on a chair, all while calling Oscar on his phone.

“He’s still not answering.” He stated the obvious and you squeezed your eyes shut, the pain becoming more intense and your heart picking up in speed.

“Take my phone, my code is Oscar’s birthday.” You told him, holding on to the backrest of the chair next to yours and motioning with your other arm to the coffee table where you had left your phone.

He wasted no time, rushing over and grabbing your phone as you opened your eyes again, and in that moment you just wished Oscar could have been there to see his father type in the digits of his birthday without as much as a doubt in his mind.  

“Text Geny, tell her the baby’s coming. Then call 911.”

He didn’t protest even once, following your instructions while silently wondering how you could be so calm in such a stressful situation.

Not more than four minutes later, Geny and Cesar burst through the front door, right before the ambulance got there.

Geny went to look after Lucía and Cesar ran up to your side immediately while Ray kept trying to reach Oscar both through texts and calls, but to no avail.

The oldest Diaz was panicking, not at all sure what he was supposed to do, but Cesar was calm, giving you encouraging words and helping you control your breathing as you were helped into the ambulance.

This was, after all, not the first time he had supported you through this process.

While Geny stayed behind to look after Lucía, Cesar and Ray rode with you in the ambulance. Ray rode in the front with the driver while Cesar stayed in the back with you, holding your hand through the entire ride.

When you reached the hospital and you were pushed inside in a wheelchair, he still didn’t let go of your hand. Or maybe you were the one who wasn’t letting go, but either way, he didn’t complain once.

You were wheeled into an empty room and transferred onto a bed where two nurses helped you out of your clothes while Cesar and Ray waited outside.

Once you had received your epidural and were properly dressed and situated, with your legs in the holsters and holding a mask of laughing gas to your face, Cesar and Ray came inside and joined your side again.

They sat down in a chair each at either side of you, Cesar holding your free hand while Ray held on to the bag you had packed months earlier in preparation for this day.

The doctor stood by, scribbling down notes on a pad while awaiting you to be dilated enough to begin. He looked up at Ray over his glasses.

“What’s your relation to the patient, sir?” He asked him, his pen stilling on the notepad briefly.  

“They’re my brother- and father-in-law.” You replied through controlled breaths before they got the chance to say anything, squeezing your eyes shut and clutching down on Cesar’s hand as another contraction hit you.

“And the father?” He asked, taking notes.

This time, Ray spoke up. “I’ve been trying to get to him but he’s not picking up.”

You let out a dry laugh through the pain, pushing your head back into the pillow and removing the mask from your face to breathe some fresh air.

“Of course he chose this day out of all the days to get caught up with some bullshit.” You panted out, letting out a sound of pain and tensing your entire body as another, much bigger contraction went through your body.

Beside you, Cesar cursed under his breath from having his hand basically crushed, while the doctor put the notepad away and moved down to your legs, checking under the cover the nurses had put over your legs and humming.  

“We’ll have to start without him.” He looked up at you, pulling a chair toward him and sitting down, pulling on a fresh pair of gloves. “Do you want them to stay with you?”

You nodded furiously, putting the mask back over your face. “Yes.”

Cesar and Ray remained silent at your sides as the delivery was started. Cesar kept holding on to your hand and throughout the process, a nurse handed Ray a wet, cold rag to dab your sweaty forehead with.

The pain was excruciating but even though it had been four entire years since you gave birth to Lucía, the feeling was familiar, allowing you to handle it a lot better than you had back then in combination with the gas.

This time, the thing hindering you from being completely calm was the fact that Oscar couldn’t be reached and that you had no idea where he was, if he was okay, or if he was even alive.

For all you knew, he could be dead in a ditch somewhere and the mere thought of it brought tears to your eyes.

The doctor and nurse kept encouraging you, thinking that you were just crying from the pain, but Ray saw your sorrows for what they were, reaching out and holding your hand in his tightly once you abandoned the mask.

“He’ll be alright, mija.” He promised you, and you nodded your head while squeezing both his and Cesar’s hands as you gave another push.

And then, almost as if someone had heard your silent prayers for Oscar’s safe return, a nurse rushed inside, stopping in the doorway.

“A man just arrived, claiming he’s the father. He’s hurt, looking like he’s been beaten pretty bad, and acting aggressively so we need someone to come and identify him before we let him in.” She spoke in one breath, and Cesar was on his feet immediately, sending you a comforting smile.

“I’ll go.” He said, and the nurse nodded, leading him away.

But you had barely even registered her words, too caught up in your own head, giving all of the little concentration you had left after the drugs to the pushing.

It wasn’t until Oscar appeared in the doorway that you truly allowed yourself to relax, letting out a cry of relief.

“Oscar.” You cried, and he was at your side in no time, taking the seat Cesar had previously been occupying while the boy in question stayed in the doorway.

“I’m here, mi amor.” He told you, and you looked at him, letting out another cry when you caught sight of his bruised and bloody face. “You’re doing great, mami. Keep going.” He told you, gripping your hand with both of his.

As he kept giving you encouraging words, kissing your knuckles, Ray stood up and sneaked out of the room with Cesar, leaving the two of you alone.

The delivery lasted for another fifteen minutes, and then with one last push, a new cry broke through the air as your body fell limp on the bed.

Oscar left your side to cut the umbilical cord of your newborn baby, being the first one to hold it in his arms once the nurse had wrapped it in a blanket.

He looked down at the new life with a smile on his face, slowly walking over to your side again, sitting down and turning the bundle so that you got a clear view.

“It’s a girl.” He told you smugly, smirking at you, and you groaned playfully.

“Damn it.” You cursed, your head hitting the pillow behind you again, but you smiled and Oscar chuckled, leaning forward to press a kiss to your damp forehead.

With the help of one of his hands, you were able to scoot up into a sitting position on the bed, looking down at your newborn daughter’s pruny face from your seat.

When Lucía was born, she had been screaming the second she came out and not gone quiet for hours, but this baby was quiet, only whining slightly as she moved around in Oscar’s arms.

You smiled at the sight, silently holding your shaking arms out. You didn’t need to say anything, Oscar carefully handing the bundle over to you, and you instantly sniffled when you felt her in your arms, a fresh set of tears starting to prick your eyes.

He sat beside you, leaning his elbows on his knees and looking at you with a concentrated expression.

You were suddenly pulled back to reality, your eyes flickering away from your daughter’s perfect face and over to Oscar, your heart falling in your chest as you got your first proper look of his face.

Both of his eyes were purple and slightly swollen, small cuts littering his face and an even bigger cut on his neck. Worry filled your body as you noticed his drooping eyes and took note of the fact that the cut on his neck was still producing fresh blood.

“Oscar...” You whispered and his eyes instantly moved from the baby to you.

Before you got the chance to say anything else, however, there was a knock at the door.

Both of you turned your attention to the source of the sound, finding Ray standing there with the hospital bag slung over his shoulder, alongside the nurse who had come in and alerted you of Oscar’s arrival earlier.

“Sir, you’re bleeding.” She stated the obvious, taking the words right out of your mouth. “If you come with me, we’ll get you cleaned up.”

A glare instantly settled over his face, but when you reached your hand out to touch his hand, it melted right off. He turned to look at you and you nodded in encouragement. “We’ll be fine.”

Ray left the nurse’s side, walking into the room and coming over to Oscar, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. “I’ll stay and look over them.” He promised.

Oscar sighed, turned back to you and gave you and the baby a kiss each, before silently walking after the nurse out of the room, leaving Ray to take his seat.

He dropped the bag next to the bed and sank into the chair. He looked at you questionably and before he could say anything, you smiled, answering. “It’s a girl.”

He smiled back lightly, peeking over the bundle of blankets.

“Do you want to hold her?” You asked, and he looked at you with a doubtful expression. But then he nodded, and carefully reached out to take her from your arms and into his own.

He looked down at her carefully, bouncing her in his arms lightly and pulling the blanket from out of her face, touching her nose.

When feeling his touch, she reached a small hand out and wrapped her even smaller fingers around one of his, causing him to smile up at you. “She likes me.”

You chuckled and nodded, leaning back on the bed in exhaustion. “Yeah.” You agreed, feeling your heart tug in your chest when he looked back at her and sniffled, bringing an arm up to wipe his eyes.

Oscar reappeared in the doorway then, the cut on his neck now covered by a thick bandage and the smaller ones on his face clean from dried blood.

Ray threw a look over his shoulder when hearing his approaching footsteps, turning back to you and carefully handing the baby back before standing up, meeting Oscar in the middle of the room.

Oscar threw a quick look at you, making sure you were both okay, and when getting a smile of confirmation, he turned back to his dad while you turned your attention to the baby, giving them as much privacy as you could considering the fact that you were still stuck in the same room.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Ray was the one to break the silence between them. Oscar only nodded his head once, which urged Ray to continue. “I, uh… I found an apartment.”

Oscar scoffed, a glare crossing over his features. “You’re leaving again?”

“You’re leaving?” Came Cesar’s voice, now standing in the doorway with a small, white plastic bag clutched in his hand. His face was sad, eyes wide.

“No.” Ray looked over to him and quickly protested, shaking his head, and both Oscar and Cesar visibly relaxed. He turned back to Oscar. “It’s just down the street from you. Figured you won’t want me on the couch now that you’ve got a baby to take care of.”

He paused, eyes flickering down slightly, but then he made his move and put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a good squeeze. “You did good, mijo. I’m proud of you.”

Oscar’s face scrunched up with emotion, his eyes growing glassy, and before any of you could register it, they had wrapped their arms around each other in a tight embrace, Ray’s hands clapping his back in a fatherly manner while Oscar buried his face in his neck.

While they shared their moment, Cesar silently walked around them with a smile permanently splayed across his face, approaching you while raising the bag.

“I, uh, I wanted to bring you flowers but you know, the hospital cafeteria didn’t have much to offer so I bought candy bars instead.” He said nervously and your entire face lit up.

“You know I’d take chocolate over flowers any day.” You chuckled in relief at the thought of getting something to eat after the physically and mentally draining day, putting on a playful smirk and nodding to the baby. “I’ll trade you.”

Cesar’s nervous smile pulled into a much brighter one and he hurriedly took a seat at the edge of the bed, dumping the bag beside you and holding his arms out.

Handing him the baby, he looked down at her and then up at you again. “Do you have a name?” He asked and you parted your lips.

“Ariel.” Oscar spoke before you could answer, causing you to turn and glare at him as he joined your side again, Ray heading over for the chair at Cesar’s side.

“I thought we agreed on Isabel?” You asked, raising an eyebrow, and he gave you one of those annoyingly handsome smirks.

“No, you agreed. I didn’t.” He protested and you rolled your eyes.

“You could always mix them.” Cesar offered a solution, shrugging his shoulders while slowly rocking the sleeping baby in his arms.

You instantly shook your head, scrunching your nose up in disgust. “No, thank you.” You declined, begrudgingly. “I’d rather settle with Ariel.”

You sighed, laying back down and Oscar took your hand with a small chuckle. Five minutes later, Geny turned up with Lucía and her entire family, and not long after that, Monse and Jamal turned up with their parents, too.

That’s what you loved about the people in Freeridge. They knew when to give people space but they also knew exactly when you were supposed to be together.

You were like one giant family. It wasn’t perfect; rather, on the contrary, it was broken and pretty fucked up, but it was yours, and that was more than enough.

[roanniom]

Happy Friday Issa! Today I am thinking about Paterson, and what it would be like to end up on his bus one day by happenstance. It would be impossible not be smitten at first sight. I can't stop picturing the way his eyes would just bore into ours when he catches us staring in the rearview mirror. The blush that spreads over him would be just unreal. 😍🥺💜 Thanks so much for sharing nyour imagines with us!

Lovely Claire, as you know I’ve been excited to get to this one. Partly because I love Pat with all my heart and partly because I looked forward to bringing such a beautiful idea to life in that calm Paterson style. I hope you like this little story <3

Three Stops, Five Regulars, and You

Word Count: 2,152

Warnings: Really just sweetness, the slightest angst from ~yearning~

Paterson drives the same route every day. He knows the people who get on, where they board, and where they disembark. The sweet old lady who gets her groceries at the corner store on Tuesdays. The recent emigrant from Nigeria who sits in the front and practices English with the local florist as they both commute to different jobs in the same strip mall. The high school baseball player who acts rowdy in the back of the bus with his teammates until the teammates get off on Maple Street and he remains on for eight more stops, always moving to sit shyly with a girl Paterson has gathered to be the boy’s old English tutor.

But never you.

When Paterson opens his folding doors and you walk in, he is immediately struck by your newness. The way the planes of your face reflect no familiarity back onto him unsettles Paterson as you pass him by to take your seat a few rows down. He inhales the scent that wafts in your wake, trying to place it but, as with your features, he draws a blank. Freesia? Gardenia? Paterson blinks at the expanse of windshield before him in an attempt to ground himself in the here and now.

It’s a Friday afternoon, almost early evening.

He’s on 5th and Potomac.

Three more stops till he’s done with his shift.

Done to go home to a microwaved meal and a comfortable couch.

Five more regulars to get to their destination.

And you.

Paterson looks up then into the rearview mirror only to meet those unfamiliar eyes. Beautiful eyes, he registers somewhere in the back of his short-circuiting brain. Eyes that take him in through the mirror. Appraising him. He wonders what they see in him, these eyes that can’t possibly know him any more than his know you.

“Hey Pat, we outta gas or something, buddy?”

The good-natured tease comes from Ollie, the auto mechanic, sitting in his usual seat in row six. This does nothing to stop Paterson from jumping a foot into the air and muttering his apologies before clunking the bus into gear.

It takes Paterson several minutes of silent driving before he works up the courage to glance at the rearview mirror again. He argues with himself internally before he does so.

You’re probably not even looking anymore. No, it’s much more likely you’ve become engaged in polite conversation with another passenger or pulled out a book or lost yourself looking out the window, taking in the outside world with those beautiful eyes…

Or, less likely but much more anxiety-inducing, you could still be looking. Looking at the lanky bus driver with the goofy ears who stared like an idiot instead of doing his job. He kicks himself at the thought of the way he’d gaped at you. Openly and so out of character.

What he should have done was averted his eyes when you’d entered, waited a respectable amount of time, and then peered back a few times to catch a glimpse. He could have taken in the curve of your jaw, the arch of your brow, the turn of your nose, all without detection from the comfortable anonymity of the driver’s seat. Gone home and written a poem or two about the ethereal creature who’d gotten lost and found herself on his bus route, a sprite or a fairy who would disappear tomorrow like some Freesia-scented vapor, perhaps never really there to start.

But no. He’d looked. And you’d looked.

And now he looks again.

His eyes dart back to the road immediately and his pulse races.

You were looking.

Paterson takes a few deep breaths and minds a stop sign before he hazards a glance again.

Yes. Still looking.

But this time he notices the smile on your face. The lips he hadn’t noticed, being so far below your eyes as they were, your eyes which had been just about as far as he had gotten to this point. The smile is soft but amused. Your hand lifts up in a small wave and Paterson feels himself heat up all the way down to his sensible shoes. His ears burn and he brings his eyes back to the road by force of habit and in order to do his job of steering this bus full of people but for absolutely no other reason. Because now he has two different things that require his attention – your eyes and your lips. Both deserving of equal consideration.

When his eyes revisit the road he realizes the next stop is upon him. When the bus pulls to a halt and deflates down steadily to allow passengers to climb out, Pat counts the seconds with his heartbeat. Wondering if this is your stop. Knowing which stop it is for all other riders but you. Knowing Mr. McKinney will get off to see his nephew and that the kind goth boy whose name he doesn’t know is off to the library with music blaring in his ears. Paterson nods to each of them as they pass, but does not look up to see them, opting instead to stare straight ahead.

When his peripheral vision doesn’t show him your retreating figure Paterson looks up to find you still in your seat, this time sitting lower. More comfortable. But still looking. Still smiling.

Involuntarily, Paterson feels a smile spread across his own face. He closes the folding doors and shifts back into gear.

Two more stops and three more passengers.

And you.

As Paterson navigates his way into the middle lane to avoid construction, he tries to settle his racing thoughts. He’s confused by this reaction, mental, physical and otherwise. It’s not like he’s never had a pretty passenger before.

So why does your face look like nobody he’s ever seen but everything he’s ever looked for?

“What’s your favorite thing about being a bus driver?”

Paterson inhales sharply and he jerks his head around at the unfamiliar voice to see that you are now sitting in the seat directly behind him. Your smile larger than ever.

Paterson swallows thickly, searching for the first words best to say to you.

“Passengers shouldn’t move about while we’re in motion.”

Wrong words.

“So is it that? The authority?” you joke, your smile becoming more lopsided, Paterson’s thankful to be able to see. Even with you right behind him he can still see you in the rearview mirror.

“No! No I didn’t mean to…I mean it’s really not that big…we’re only going 30 –” Paterson’s stuttering is cut off by your laugh.

“Ok if not that then what is it?”

“Um, what is what?” Paterson asks, looking back up after yielding to a bicyclist.

“What’s your favorite thing about being a bus driver?”

“Oh.” Paterson looks back at the road.

He’s never really thought of it. Mainly because nobody had ever asked it before, so he hadn’t bothered to ask it of himself. But it only takes another second of thought before he has his answer.

“It’s a weird limbo.”

“Come again?” Judging by your expression this was clearly not an answer you’d anticipated.

“Being a bus driver you are part of people’s daily lives. You go with them to work, you take them home after a long day. You see them with their friends and family. Or alone.”

“I’m alone,” you point out with a nod. It’s a simple statement, as if corroborating his assessment. Paterson grins and nods.

“Exactly, you’re alone. It’s very personal, in a way. Being there for these moments in between where they are coming from and where they’re going.”

“Intimate?” you offer. Paterson feels his throat go dry as he nods again.

“Yes. Intimate.”

“But you called it limbo?”

“Well it might be intimate, but it’s from a distance. A bus driver is only a small part of someone’s day, but my passengers are my day.”

“Oh,” you exclaim, voice softer than before. “I guess I never thought about it that way.”

The next stop, the penultimate one, comes into view and Paterson eases to bus to halt. A single mother known for jogging around the park in the evenings bids Paterson good night and Ollie claps him on the back as he heads out for dinner with his kids. Upon their exit, Paterson’s eyes seek out yours in the mirror once more. Wondering again if this is the place where you get off.

You lean against the back of your chair. Still very much seated.

Still very much a passenger.

It is then, as Paterson closes the folding doors once more, that he realizes the rest of the bus is empty. This startles him, as usually there is one more regular on the bus for this last upcoming stop. A man, very quiet and not unlike himself. Though Paterson doesn’t know much about him, he’s always wondered just how similar they are. Wondered if the man who enters a residential complex across the street from this last stop also has an empty apartment waiting from him. A lukewarm meal and a cold bed.

Paterson spares a moment to wonder where the man is, feeling a tinge of hope burn through the usual pity – perhaps the man is not alone, wherever he is, and perhaps tonight his dinner will be hot.

The folding doors hiss as they close for the second to last time tonight and Paterson pulls back into traffic. A glance in the rearview mirror reminds him that, not only are you still there, but that the absence of his final regular means that you two are very much alone.

The thought makes blood pound in his ears and he finds his eyes darting between the road and the mirror, not wanting to miss a second of whatever you may do, whatever you may say.

And you don’t make him wait long.

“That man called you Pat earlier,” you say in that lilting voice. “Is your name Patrick?”

“Paterson.” He says it wearily, bracing himself for the inevitable exclamation sure to come about how his name couldn’t possibly be what he says it is because no, that’s the name of the town.

Instead he sees you nod in the mirror as if this is the most rational name he could have given. Of course his name is Paterson.

The silence that follows is heavy with a lot of things, chief among them the things he wishes he could bring himself to say. Questions mainly, ones to counter the questions you’ve lobbed at him. After a block passes he opts for a simple one.

“What do you like best about being a bus passenger?” The question is timid and he hates himself for it, but the sound of your laugh is an pleasantly unexpected reward.

“I like the bus drivers.”

Paterson laughs with you then.

“Now you’re making fun of me.”

“No, I’m not!” you say with mock offense. Paterson flexes his fingers on the steering wheel, starting to feel them tingle. Probably a symptom of a long day of driving.

Or a symptom of you.

“Ok maybe you’re not making fun of me, but there’s no way that’s your answer.”

“You’re right, maybe it’s not the bus drivers,” you say then, leaning forward to rest your chin on your arms as they fold on top of the ledge separating the first row from the driver’s seat. Paterson can practically hear your breath as you speak your next words. “Maybe I just like you.”

If Paterson hadn’t already been pulling up to the final stop he’s pretty sure he would have slammed on the breaks. When the bus eases into motionlessness, Paterson’s hand automatically opens the folding doors, something he probably wouldn’t have thought to do if the action wasn’t so tied to muscle memory at this point.

Paterson’s mind is reeling. He needs to ask you out, or at least as you your name.

But his tongue is tied and you’re standing up and reaching for your bag.

You step down the one step that brings you to the level of the driver’s seat and he gets another good look at you, eyes skittering up and down in a vain attempt to take in every detail incase this was both his first and last chance.

“Good night!” you say cheerily as you move to the door.

Paterson’s heart is sinking faster than the hydraulics on his bus when suddenly you turn around once more, almost as an after thought.

“Oh and Paterson? You were my day.”

And with that you step into the night.

Perhaps to continued tangibility.

Perhaps to vaporize into thin air.

He’s not sure which possibility scares him more.

Paterson allows himself to sit still for a few more moments, not bothering to close the folding doors so quickly this time. Allowing the cool air to flow in. Air that contains the remnants, and potential, of you.

~*~

Tagging some lovely people (please let me know if you’d like to be tagged or untagged in future work!) @mariesackler @direnightshade @safarigirlsp @sacklerscumrag @paper-in-ashes-fanfiction @historyandfandoms50 @clydesfavoritegirl @wayward-rose @hopeamarsu @thegreenmatt @barbers-glimmerin-darlin @finn-ray-nal-beads @fizzywoohoo @maybe-your-left @aliveandlonely @han-not-solo @morby @emeraldsiren20 @maryforyou @aloneandsleepless @jynzandtonic @renmaulxo

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