#other two muses coming shortly!

[xxsabitoxx]

Pale Blue [Part Two]

Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader

READ PART ONE HERE

Warnings: THIS FIC IS CANON COMPLIANT, if you are not caught up on Jujutsu Kaisen's manga, or at the very least if you have not seen "gojo's past" you WILL be spoiled. This story contains darker themes, heavier topics, pregnancy and all the lovely details of it, and lastly explicit sexual content. Read at your own risk!

A/N: Here she is, months overdue, but here she is. I know nobody will want to read my author note considering the behemoth before you but I just want to thank you for sticking with me for so long. I am, of course, already working on part 3 and will continue to work on it as I continue my hiatus. The only thing I ask of you is to take your time and enjoy! I know I am going to be returning to inactivity very soon but your comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and always appreciated. I love y'all endlessly and I hope you enjoy it.

WORD COUNT: 36.1K | Playlist

September 2007

Two weeks had passed since you discovered you were pregnant with Suguru’s baby. Now you were sitting in a dull waiting room, blinded by fluorescent lights as you waited for your name to be called. Shoko had taken the news well, not that you expected her to be shocked in any capacity. She had said something along the lines of “I knew it.” when you had told her the next day, Satoru, who was  by your side, was slightly disappointed she didn’t have a bigger reaction. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go back with you?” Shoko had leaned closer to you, whispering so other people in the waiting room wouldn't hear. “I’m sure, Shoko. I’ll be okay.” 

It had taken weeks to see a doctor, mostly because she had been booked out. Your morning sickness hadn’t gotten much better, so you assumed you were still lingering somewhere in your first trimester. September was slowly coming to an end, with October looming on the horizon the world had slowly begun its transition to reflect that. This transition brought you the weather you really needed, allowing you to wear comfortable baggy clothing. “The perfect time to hide a pregnancy.” you had mused, much to Satoru’s disdain. Your leg bounced at the memory, your hand coming to rest on your stomach. It was a habit that you had picked up shortly after the test came back positive. You felt the urge to protect them, even though they were as safe as they could be, snuggling in your womb. There was truly no place safer for them right now. 

Things hadn’t gotten all that easier either, within the past two weeks, you had to live through the one month anniversary of Suguru’s deflection. It had been harder to swallow than you thought it would be, the sinking reality that four weeks had passed since you had seen his face was unbearable. Going from seeing him nearly every second of everyday to nothing at all felt as cold as the air at night. You had to wonder what he was doing at that very moment, maybe he was up making those girls breakfast. The idea of him being a father already, caring for those two little girls, it made your heart flutter and sink at the very same time. You wanted to be there, you wanted to help him, you wanted to tell him you were pregnant, that he got what he wanted. 

“Y/N Y/L/N?” 

You blinked back into reality as Shoko hit your arm, a nurse dressed in light pink scrubs was looking around the waiting room after calling the next name on her list. You nearly jumped out of your chair, motioning for Shoko to stay where she was as you got up and made your way over. You ignored the small grumble from her, it seems she had still intended on following you back for the appointment despite your reassurance of being okay to go alone. “Good morning dear, follow me.” You mustered the best smile you could in response,uttering a soft “morning” as she grabbed the door handle to enter the portion of the office that held the exam rooms. You went through the routine process, having your weight and height checked before being brought into a private room. It was different from other doctors offices, there was an ultrasound set up and various posters about sexual health and pregnancy scattered about. It made you feel a bit dizzy. 

“So we had you take a urine sample and get your blood while you waited, I have the results of the urine test but not the blood yet. That should be ready for you once the doctor is ready to come in and perform the exam… in the meantime let’s go over the basics” She was typing on her laptop as she spoke, looking at you briefly as you nodded. Your hands were clasped together in front of you, feeling cold and clammy at the same time. You shifted due to your nerves, the paper below you crumpling as you fidgeted. The nurse went through the basics, making sure your insurance information and home address was correct. “You’re in college?” she questioned absentmindedly, as if trying to make small talk with you. “No, not yet. I graduate high school in the spring.” You felt your face grow warm as she let out a soft “oh.” 

Luckily for you, she didn’t press further and hid her judgment within seconds. You kept your eyes trained on the floor as she continued her interrogation, getting your basic health and allergies on file before shutting her laptop and gracing you with a fake smile. “Alright then, that’s it for my portion of the exam. The doctor will be in shortly to discuss your results.” You nodded, thanking her quietly as she left the room. Silence rang in your ears as you were left alone with nothing but your thoughts. hands still clasped tightly together as you dragged your eyes away from the floor and observed the examination room. There were shelves on the wall with various pamphlets, all of them geared towards women's reproductive health and pregnancy. 

You used to laugh at those things when you were younger, wondering if anyone would even bother taking them. Now, you were tempted to get up and go grab a few for yourself. But as you moved, the paper crinkled so loudly that it made you still again. It reminded you of just how silent the godforsaken room was, it reminded you of how alone you were. Now, as you sat there, you wished you had just let Shoko get up and follow you back here. You needed someone to talk you off the ledge, it was likely Shoko would have been allowed back here with you,  considering most women brought their partners with them. It would have brought you two a good laugh for the nurses to assume you were a lesbian couple. 

You could hear Shoko now, coming up with some asinine plot to what the nurses probably thought was going on with the two of you. Probably contemplating who your “real” partner was considering Shoko couldn’t get you pregnant. Though, your partner still wasn’t aware of his child growing within your body. Suguru should be here in this room with you, sitting in the empty chair across from the exam table you sat on. He should have been filling this empty space with jokes about how nervous you looked, making you laugh and forget why you were scared in the first place. But he wasn’t. You were doing this alone. That was the part that hurt the most, because this whole “doing it alone” thing was your choice. 

At some point during your storm of emotions, you had begun to blame yourself for Suguru not being with you. Your brain took the liberty of twisting the events in your mind so harshly that they had deteriorated all together, you couldn’t recall the truth anymore. Somewhere along the way, you had convinced yourself this was your choice, that Suguru wasn’t here because you were keeping him away. A quick couple of knocks on the door signaled the doctor’s arrival, effectively pulling you out of your forlorn daze. “Good morning, how are you?” A short, plump woman entered the room with a cheery smile, one you couldn’t help but return. “I’m alright.” Which was pure bullshit, but she didn't really need to know your whole life story. 

“Ah, that’s better than most answers.” she chuckled to herself, setting her clipboard down on the counter and reaching for soap so she could wash her hands. You found yourself flinching, suddenly feeling bad for lying to a woman who hadn’t known of your existence until walking through that door only seconds prior. “I have the results of your blood test…” she started, scrubbing her hands until they turned visibly soapy. “If it were bad news, I’d be telling you a lot more formally than this. However, your results were looking very good! You’re definitely pregnant.” You let out a shaky sigh of relief, hand resting over your stomach again as you smiled. “That’s wonderful news.” because, despite everything, it really was. You could now look at this as a shimmering ray of hope peaking out among your storm clouds. 

The doctor smiled, turning off the water and reaching for paper towels. “Your results indicate you are roughly around the eleven week mark. You’re nearly done with your first trimester.” That was a bit jarring to you, and by the look on the woman’s face, she could tell. “It’s not unusual for some women to go a while without realizing, some women don’t even know they are pregnant until they go into labor and assume it’s kidney stones. Have you missed your cycle?” She was pulling blue gloves over her hands as she spoke. So much information being thrown at you that you had to blink for a moment before uttering  “I’ve been going through some things in my personal life, I suppose my last cycle was sometime in June then… I assumed it was stress.” 

“That would line up with the HCG levels, you likely got pregnant early to mid-july. But don’t worry, I should be able to pinpoint it a little more accurately with an ultrasound.” Your heart skipped a beat, you hadn’t expected to see your baby this soon. You watched her move to turn on the machine, brows creasing as you began trying to shift through your hazy memories. You figured it was likely useless to try and pinpoint when Suguru could have gotten you pregnant, because the damage was already done at this point. You realized you hadn’t responded, clearing your throat a bit as she walked over to the machine and began turning it on. “So, I’ll be entering my second trimester soon? I-is it alright that I didn’t know for this long? I-is the baby okay?” You felt your lip tremble as you spoke, suddenly more anxious than before. 

“Oh honey…” the doctor stopped what she was doing and reached out a hand to place it over your own. “You are perfectly fine, baby should be doing good too. We’ll get to hear their heartbeat in just a few minutes and I’ll be able to give you a rough timeline for the rest of your pregnancy. I can assure you, it’s okay that you didn’t know until recently. We’ll get you on some prenatals and other vitamins to keep you and baby in tip-top shape.” Her presence was grandmotherly, it set your racing mind at ease. Mentally you would have to remember to thank Shoko for finding this woman for you. “Thank you.” you breathed out as she placed some of her supplies on the metal tray beside the exam bed. You had so much you could say at that moment but thanking her was the only thing that would come out. “No problem, honey.” 

A few beats of silence passed before she spoke again. “Alright, I’m going to have you lay back and lift your shirt for me, pull down your sweatpants a bit as well.” You took a shaky breath, nodding as she moved around the table to flick off the main lights. The exam room was left in a golden glow from the small lamp on the desk in the corner, paired with the fluorescent-ish glow from the ultrasound screen. You did as she instructed, lifting your shirt and pushing down the waistband of your sweats so your stomach was no longer obstructed. “The gel is going to be a little cold, but it warms up quick.” Your throat felt dry, so you nodded, hands clasping tightly together to rest on your chest as you watched her squirt some of the clear liquid on your abdomen. “I’m also going to have to press down a bit, which may cause some discomfort at first but I assure you that the baby is safe while I do this.” You nodded again, mouth feeling too dry to respond verbally at that moment. “Alright, let’s see your baby.” 

You gave a shaky smile, eyes immediately focusing on the black screen as she pressed the ultrasound’s wand to your stomach. You flinched a bit before getting used to the feeling of the wand pressing so deeply. “Sorry, honey. At this stage the baby is so small that we really need to get in there… if this doesn’t pick them up then I may have to do an internal ultrasound.” She was walking you through each step, which you were abundantly grateful for. After a little bit of searching, she let out a happy sigh as something small and vaguely baby shaped appeared on the screen. “There they are! At this stage they are just starting to kick and stretch, but they are too little for you to feel it yet.” You couldn’t breath, eyes zeroing in on the tiny little thing that was your child. The doctor was smiling, using her other hand to take pictures and measure. 

“Ah, what an over achiever, they are nearly two inches in length right now! They are measuring a little ahead.” You couldn’t help but smile, eyes turning a bit glossy. “Just like their daddy, he’d be so proud.” The words felt foreign but at the same time they felt just right, your head would surely implode if you dwelled on it for too long. The doctor only chuckled, clicking some buttons on the keyboard to snap more pictures as she moved the wand around your stomach. You were thankful she didn’t inquire further about the father, though you were sure it was probably against practice to ask such personal things outright. “Well, mama, would you like to hear their heartbeat?” You inhaled sharply, eyeing her suspiciously to make sure she wasn’t joking. “I-I would love to.” your tone was shaky, hands curling at your sides as she smiled. “Alright, one sec.” 

After a small stretch of silence, you heard it. Through the speakers, the strong and steady heartbeat of your baby met your ears. You let out a choked sob, the noise surprising you as your hand shot up to cover your mouth, it was probably the best thing you’ve heard over the course of the last month. You didn’t want it to end, you wanted to sit there on that table and look at your baby, hear their heartbeat, for as long as you possibly could. “They are doing wonderful, mama. It’s too soon to tell the gender, but the baby is doing great. You have nothing to worry about.” you nodded, heart aching a bit as she turned the sound off and pulled the wand away. 

“I’ll have those pictures printed so you can take them home.” She wiped the gel off of your stomach, tossing it in the trash before moving around the table to turn the lights on again. You sat up, wiping your eyes as you pulled your shirt down and readjusted your sweats. “That would be wonderful, thank you.” you chuckled a bit as she handed you some tissues for your face and nose. “Now that we’ve got all the fun stuff out of the way, I’m going to prescribe you some prenatals and other vitamins like we discussed earlier. If you’ll give me a few minutes, I’ll go get things in order so you’ll leave here feeling a little less overwhelmed.” You smiled, thanking her again as you resituated yourself on the table. She stepped out a moment later, still grinning. 

Once again you were “alone”, but this time it didn’t feel all that lonely.

—

“Did you really mean what you said last week?” You set your pen down, looking across your room to see Suguru sitting at your desk. You were both working on different assignments but still wanted to spend time together. “Hmm?” Suguru set his own pen down, turning his body to look at you where you sat on your own bed. “About… ya know… wanting to get me pregnant.” You watched a shy smile pass over Suguru’s face as he sighed. “Yeah… I meant it.” He started softly, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. You had to chuckle at the fact that Suguru had stuffed an extra pen through his bun, just in case the other died while writing. “I guess you could say I have baby fever.” 

“Baby fever, huh?” you teased, putting your notebook to the side as you did. “Yeah, baby fever. I just… fuck I don’t know it’s been a thought on my mind for a while now. I keep seeing these happy families, their small children giggling and playing and… I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be a father. When I envisioned our baby, fuck my heart just melted.” he sighed, face turning a little red before he continued on. “I started thinking about how cute you’d look pregnant, how cute you’d be as a mom. How sweet it would be to hear their little voice calling you mama.” Your lips parted, completely entranced by the world he was painting you. 

“Suguru.” you stated rather bluntly, smiling as his head shot up to look at you. At some point in his rambling, he had begun staring into space, as if envisioning the things he talked about. “Y-yeah?” You laugh softly, crawling off your bed and crossing the small space until you stand before him. “Come here.”  You smile, hands gently cupping his cheeks and forcing his head to look up at you. “ I love you so much.” You started softly, thumb gingerly brushing along the plains of his cheekbone. Suguru swallowed, brown eyes observing every inch of your face. “I love you too.” He breathed, subconsciously leaning into your touch. “If you’re serious, if you truly want a baby…”

“I do.” 

Your lips parted before you smiled brightly, giggling a bit at his instant reassurance. “... then I am more than willing to try and conceive.”  You hadn’t intended for it to come out so seductive, but the way Suguru’s breathing hitched told you it had a dual effect. “Really?” You nodded, thumb still gently caressing his cheeks. “I know we’re young and all, but I think there is no time better than the present to chase your dreams.” You snorted at your own cheesiness, laughing as Suguru’s arms came around your waist to hug you tightly. “Thank you.” his voice was soft, just above a whisper. “You know, I have to ask, Suguru… especially since you seemed to put a ton of thought into this.” 

“Yeah? Anything. Ask away.” You reached up and tugged the pen out of his bun, fingers moving to delicately pull his hair out of the bun itself. You always enjoyed it when he had his hair down. “What was the moment that made you realize it was more than just a desire, that it was something you actually wanted. I know you said you saw families and all that but… you’re a man of purpose. Something in particular egged you on and I’m dying to know what.” From the way his cheeks turned red, you knew you had hit the nail on the head. He wasn’t lying about the baby fever, but you knew him too well to know that it wasn’t just an accumulation of events. 

One thing in particular had been his “breaking point” of sorts. 

“Alright you caught me.” he sighed deeply, eyes glancing away from you before looking up again. “Remember that weekend I went home to visit family?” You nodded, hands sliding down to rest on his shoulders. Suguru’s arms opened, allowing you to climb onto his lap as he spoke. “Well, my cousin had just had her baby a few weeks prior. Since she knew I was coming home to visit for the weekends, she came over with her new baby to introduce us.” You nodded again, humming thoughtfully as you twirled some of his hair around your fingers. “I don’t think I’ve ever held a baby before.” He added, cheeks a rosy pink instead of flaming red. 

“And when she put that little baby in my arms I… fuck I just melted.” 

He swallowed, finding it endearing that you were so invested in every word he spoke. “I just remember thinking that… there was nothing more special than that bond. The bond between mother and child… between father and child. I found myself imagining what it would be like to hold my own newborn… and I was serious when I said every time I envisioned it, they always looked like you.” He relaxed a bit when you leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek before pulling away again. “That’s a beautiful reason, you know.” You hugged him after saying it, letting your chin rest on his shoulders as his arms encompassed your waist and squeezed. 

“I want to be a dad, I’ve known that from the very moment I held that baby. But I… if you aren’t ready… I don’t want to force you to do anything.” The vulnerability in his voice made your heart squeeze, it was very rare that Suguru was openly shy about something. “No time better than the present, ya know.” You whispered it again, feeling his breath stutter as you spoke. “Really?” he breathed out again, as if in disbelief that you were saying yes despite already agreeing once before. 

You nod, trying to contain your smile. “It’s not like it’ll happen right away, it takes time. Most couples have to try for a while before they strike gold.” 

“I guess that is true, there are a lot of factors that go into this… it’s a miracle that women are even able to conceive in the first place when you truly look at it.” you felt yourself giggling, finding it cute that Suguru had clearly put some research into this whole idea too. He wanted it, so bad, you couldn’t bear the thought of not trying to give it to him. “So… what do you say, shall we start now?” you pulled away from his hug, grinning deviously at him. “Right now?” Suguru looked shocked, eyes wide and lips slightly parted before he was able to collect his thoughts. “Yeah, right now.” studies could wait, of course they could. Suguru knew that just as well as you did. 

Suguru answered you with a kiss, lips melting against your own as his hands clung to your waist. 

—

“So this… is the baby?” Satoru’s glasses hung low on his nose, blue eyes observing the glossy paper intently. “Yep, that’s the baby.” You were laying on the couch, head resting on Shoko’s lap as she absentmindedly played with your hair. “Are you… sure?” Satoru was having a difficult time comprehending that the white, vaguely human-shaped blob on the glossy sheets of paper was a baby. “Positive, Satoru. They don’t start looking like a real human until around the twenty week mark.” Satoru shot you a glance over one of the photos, a smile tugging on his lips as he spoke “So what you’re saying is you’re carrying an alien for a while.” This time it was Shoko to interject, shooting Satoru a glare as she threw her lighter at him. “Be nice, Satoru.” 

You, on the other hand, had begun to laugh. “I’ll take away uncle privileges, Satoru.”

“Hey! Let’s not get too hasty there, Mothership.” Satoru looked mildly offended at the idea of you pulling his uncle privileges before he could even get them. You sat up now, eyes meeting Shoko’s before you burst out laughing. “Did you just call me mothership?” You would be offended if it was anyone other than Satoru using the nickname. “...Maybe.” Satoru had set the photos down on his lap, no longer holding them up to examine like he was looking for a hidden secret. “You’re so mean, Satoru.” Shoko sighed, sad that your warmth was no longer on her lap. “She’s laughing, Shoko!” Satoru tried to defend his honor, it was still a rare sight to see you laughing. 

“What is with all the commotion?” The three of you fell silent instantly, heads turning to see Yaga enter the common room. You had yet to inform the principal of your pregnancy, he had absolutely no idea that you were carrying Suguru’s baby. You had intended on telling him after you told Shoko the following morning, but you chickened out and had yet to find the courage. “Nothing major, just hanging out.” Careful as possible, Satoru was sliding the ultrasound pictures behind the arm of the couch so Yaga couldn’t see them. Luckily for the three of you, his eyes were mainly focused on you. “I hadn’t heard your laugh in a while, y/n. I thought you may have lost it.” 

“Ah, well, leave it to Satoru to find it for me again.” You smiled, an almost real smile that still felt foreign on your lips. You were certain you would never feel the joy of a real, genuine smile until Suguru was in your arms again. Though, that day may never come. You were still heavily weighing your options, knowing the choice you wanted to pick was the one that would cost you the things you had within your reach. Your love for Suguru would never blind you from the fact that you loved Shoko and Satoru just as dearly… at least you hoped it wouldn’t. “Ah, he’s good for something I suppose.” His tone was teasing, earning snickers from both you and Shoko. 

“You wound me, principal!” 

Yaga just shook his head, smiling a bit before moving to leave the room. “Remember, you three, I’m always a call away.” You all shared a knowing glance before nodding your heads. With that, Yaga left the common area, leaving the three of you to relax again. Satoru was careful as he pulled the ultrasound pics up again, looking them over one last time before folding them neatly and reaching across to give them to you. “That was close.” he offered with a grin as you took them and set them face down on the coffee table. “It was, but you managed to hide them well, Toru.” You grinned as you settled back again, lying comfortably with your head on Shoko’s lap. 

“See, Yaga isn’t wrong, he is good for something.” Shoko laughed as Satoru rolled his eyes, flipping her the finger before reaching for the lighter she had chucked at him. “You seem to forget I can keep this.” He taunted her with her favorite lighter, you weren’t even sure why she threw it in the first place considering Satoru’s infinity was able to block it. It had bounced off of his barrier and landed on the couch cushion beside him. Again, you three were lucky that Yaga hadn’t seen it, he was pretty convinced Shoko had given up on the smoking habit. “Give it back, Satoru, I’m too comfy to have her moving.” You whined as Shoko tried to get off the couch. 

“You heard the pregnant lady, give it.” Shoko taunted, knowing she had already won the battle thanks to you. “Fine, fine, here.” he tossed it over, uttering out “nice catch” as Shoko caught it with one hand. “So, back to business.” Shoko smiled as she twirled the lighter around her fingers. “How are we telling Yaga that little miss here is pregnant with the problem child’s baby?” You made a noise of annoyance at Shoko’s words, smiling a bit as she raised her eyebrow at you. “Well, I don’t think it will be easy telling anyone… Besides you, Shoko. You took the news like a champ.” Satoru was still reeling over how calm she had been about the whole thing. 

—

“Are you sure you want to tell her right now?” Satoru was buttoning his uniform top, you two would still have to continue on with your lives like it was any other day. “She needs to know, there is no way I could keep this from her.” She basically already knew, but you couldn’t say that to Satoru yet. Just in case Shoko had the opposite of the reaction you were anticipating. The whole concept still felt foreign to you, so did the fact that it felt natural for your hand to rest on your abdomen. You didn’t think you should be adapting to this so quickly, then again what were you supposed to do? 

“I know that, I’m not saying we never tell her. But you still seem to be pretty in shock over this.” 

“Which is exactly why I need to tell her.” If anything goes wrong in your life, Shoko has always been the person you ran to. It wasn’t until Suguru left that you had started running to Satoru instead. Part of you felt guilty about that, like you were leaving her in the dust. She knew you and Satoru’s pain just as well, it hurt you to know you had started seeking comfort in him rather than her. “If you insist, I’ll back you up all the way.” he grinned as you pouted, feet kicking idly. 

You had snuck off and gotten dressed before he even woke up. Now all that was left was to rip off the band-aid and reveal to Shoko that she had been right all along. “I’m glad you aren’t scared of Shoko’s wrath.” you laughed as you pushed off of his bed, shuffling to the door with a grin. “I’m not the one that got you pregnant, her wrath isn’t directed at me.” You felt your cheeks grow warm as you shook your head, pushing his door open and heading into the hall. “You’re too blunt sometimes, Satoru.” You felt mildly embarrassed about how he put it, that and an odd sense of possessiveness. 

“Well it’s the truth, Suguru is the one that knocked you up.” He shrugged as he followed you out into the hall, turning to shut the door just as you reached up and smacked his shoulder. “And you’re fucking vulgar! Be kind!” your tone was a mix of teasing and annoyance, one Satoru knew quite well. If he had to work you up to get glimpses of your old self, then so be it. “I am being kind, you’re just being sensitive.” risky thing to say to a woman, nevermind a pregnant woman. 

“You are a menace, Gojo Satoru.” You huffed, crossing your arms to glare at him as he replied with a sheepish grin. “Hey, sorry, I can’t help it sometimes. You’re just so easy to tease.” He made a kissy face at you, watching your nose scrunch in amusement before turning to head down the hall. “I’ll have to work on making things harder for you, Satoru.” You sighed as he whistled. “Don’t quite know how Suguru would feel about that.” He was laughing when you turned to swing on him, a smile pulling at your lips as he blocked you. “A menace and a perv… I’ll start sharing Shoko’s bed.” 

“Hey! No way! You’re so warm, I like having you in my bed.” Satoru pouted, as if you were a cat looking to find a new home. “Eh, don’t know how Suguru would feel about that.” You mimicked him, smiling widely now as he rolled his eyes. “I guess you’re right.” Ever since you realized, it has become a little easier to say Suguru’s name. You had to wonder why, your emotions were still a stormy mess but… speaking about him didn’t really hurt that bad right now. Maybe you were just riding on a high of emotions, but compared to the low from the night before… you had doubts. 

“Shoko!” you knocked on her door, glancing back at Satoru as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He was pretty sure he was masking his anxiety well, but you knew better than anyone that Satoru was mentally shitting his pants at the idea of informing Shoko about your predicament. “One minute!” Her voice rang from the other side of the door, mildly surprised in tone to hear you. She had expected Satoru, just as she had been expecting him every morning to go pull you out of your depression pit dorm room. For you to be at her door too… something was up. 

“What’s with the welcome party?” Shoko’s door swung open, eyes traveling over the two of you with a quirked brow. “Got some news for ya…” you started bold, not missing the way Satoru inhaled sharply. “News for me? About?” she had no idea where you could be going with this, but she assumed any direction you took would lead to Suguru somehow. “Well you see… that conversation we had yesterday…” and Shoko knew immediately. “Shoko, I’m pregnant.” 

“Oh, okay.”

“That… you’re fucking kidding me! That’s IT?” Satoru looked completely appalled at the woman’s casual response. You were a bit surprised yourself but that didn’t stop you from laughing at Satoru’s over reaction. “Yeah, that’s it. Am I supposed to scream or something?” Shoko was stepping into the hall, turning to shut her dorm room’s door before turning back to face you and Satoru. “So what do we do now?” Satoru couldn’t believe it, from the gut wrenching sobs you had made, he half expected the world to implode when it was time for you to tell another person. 

So…when it didn’t… he couldn’t quite get over it. “That’s a great question, honestly I have no idea.” You sighed, feeling a little antsy as you turned to walk down the hall. “Ya know, this isn’t fair.” Satoru pouted, arms crossing as he followed after you with no hesitation. “What isn't fair?” Shoko questioned as she fell into step beside you. “That you got the easy reveal and the easy reaction. She nearly gave me a fucking heart attack last night! I mean really I felt my balls shrivel.” 

You nearly tripped over your own two feet at that, laughter so genuine bubbling out of you that it made the previous night feel like a distant memory. “Ew TMI Satoru.” Shoko plugged her nose, sticking her tongue out as the three of you made your way down the stairs and out to the sunny day ahead. “It’s the damn truth.” Satoru mumbled under his breath as you pushed through the double doors, shoving his sunglasses further up his face in an attempt to block out the blinding sun. 

“I mean I’ll side with him this time, Shoko. I really did scare the life out of him. I thought he was going to faint.” You had collapsed into his arms, if anyone was about to faint, it would have been you. “That’s only half true.” Satoru mumbled in defeat, throwing himself down on a picnic table bench and watching as you and Shoko clambered into the other side. “It’s not important right now, what’s important is trying to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do now. I don’t want anyone knowing besides the two of you. Not Yaga, not Utahime, Meimei, Nanami…” 

“We get it.” Satoru stuck his tongue out, feeling far cheekier than usual this morning. Maybe it was because he was still partially convinced he had smacked his head and this was all a dream. “So rude this morning, Toru~” there was a hint of a smile on your face though, one that had the tips of his ears burning pink as you turned to look at Shoko. “The first thing we need to do is get you a doctor. If the tests came back positive, it still needs to be confirmed with blood work. Along with that they need to make sure the baby is actually growing.” Shoko pulled out a pack of cigarettes as she spoke.

“Okay, so, doctors is the next step… then what?” Satoru questioned, watching the flame ignite on the end of Shoko’s lighter. “Then I grow the baby till they are ready to be born.” You said in a bored tone. You knew what Satoru was implying but you weren’t ready to cross that bridge yet. Suguru needed to know, you were still hanging onto that fact. You couldn't do this without him. “Oh gee I would have never guessed.” Satoru deadpanned as he snatched Shoko’s pack, ignoring her glare as he also snatched her lighter. “I’m not in the mood to discuss that part yet, Satoru.” 

Your tone was final, so much so that Shoko merely nodded, eyes glaring holes into Satoru’s head so he wouldn't dare push the topic. He swallowed his words, putting the cigarette to his lips before mumbling out “fine, I’ll drop it… for now.” 

—

The day had come and gone, night had fallen once more and you found yourself lounging in Satoru’s bed. He was showering at the moment so you had it to yourself, the dim light of the little lamp on his desk was just enough for you to admire the ultrasound photos. You had been looking at them on and off all day, still struggling to comprehend that it was your baby. “It’s crazy that you’ll continue to grow into a living, breathing, talking person. You’ll have your own personality, your own thoughts, your own voice…” you hummed softly, hand resting on your abdomen as you spoke to your baby’s pictures. It all felt so damn surreal. 

“I wonder what your daddy would think…” You felt your voice crack as you whispered those words out loud. Your heart was still aching from his absence, but with your child growing, it was hard to feel totally alone. Part of him was growing within you, you just needed him to know it. You straightened the moment Satoru’s bathroom door opened, wiping your eyes in an attempt to make it look like you were yawning instead. “Not visiting Shoko tonight?” Satoru smiled, white shirt hanging on his lean frame, a towel resting on his shoulders and collecting the water droplets from his damp hair. “Nah, she said she needed to get some stuff done.” 

“She’s such a procrastinator, the deadlines for those med-school applications are like two days from now.” You nodded, you weren’t quite sure how your friend intended on getting the seven applications done in time. “I highly doubt she’ll be truthful to them anyways.” You laughed, she was determined to get in with no prior college experience or any experience in the medical field save for her curse technique. But, if there was anyone who could cheat their way into med-school, it would definitely be Shoko. “She’ll somehow be fine… she always is.” Satoru chuckled as he moved about his room, picking up his towel to dry his white locks. 

With his back turned to you, he nearly whispered what he said next. “You’re sad again.” You felt your brows twitch before forcing them into perfectly maintained neutrality. “When have I not been sad, Satoru?” you tried softly, folding the ultrasound pictures neatly together again from their extended accordion strip. “You know what I mean, y/n. You were crying before I came in.” You stopped folding, inhaling shakily before turning to meet his gaze. “I wasn’t crying yet. You actually interrupted me, Satoru.” you weren’t even sure why you had been trying to hide it in the first place. There was no sneaking anything by him. Those six eyes of his were always on alert, always observant, even more so nowadays. 

Satoru was still quiet, his towel resting on his shoulders again as he turned to observed you. “I miss him terribly, Satoru. Nothing is going to fix that.” You could tell he was stewing on something, but he was holding himself back. “Say it, whatever it is you're thinking, say it.” This time, he looked mildly surprised, not used to being the one so easily read. “You’re not going to see him.” He stated rather plainly, but you could see his jaw clenching after he uttered the words out loud. You felt your stomach twist in the same way it had with your morning sickness… morning sickness you had become quite acquainted with at this point. 

“I didn’t plan on it.” You shot back, lying through your teeth like he wouldn’t be able to pick you apart in an instant. “Yeah, bull shit y/n. I’m not stupid.” You felt anger bubbling over the nausea, not particularly enjoying the way he was talking down to you. “Watch your tone, Satoru.” Dangerously low, full of promise. It was enough to snap him back into reality for a second. “Sorry.” he started “I’ll be more mindful. However, that doesn’t change my previous statement.” You felt your head tilting, eyes narrowing as you sized the strongest sorcerer up. “You do not get to decide what I can and cannot do, Satoru.” 

There, you finally said it, maybe it was very indirect but Satoru knew exactly what you meant with those words. He looked stunned, but at the same time if he had any fight left in him, he wasn’t going to push upon the matter. Your gaze didn’t soften, rather it continued to size him up until his shoulders sagged. “Forget I said anything, you’re right. I don’t get a say in it.” Yet, you could tell he was saying it just to maintain peace. You weighed your options, was it really worth giving up your sanity for a fight you weren’t willing to have yet? In the end, you swallowed your emotions, wondering if it was possible that your hormones were already causing mood swings. “We can discuss this when we are both ready… not weighed down by our own baggage.” 

Finally, your gaze had returned to its normal, slightly sad state. Satoru found that it was easier for him to breathe again, so he pulled the towel off his shoulders and turned to enter his bathroom. “I agree.” He called as he hung the damp towel over the top of his curtain rods, letting it air dry till morning so he could put it in the hamper to be washed. “Let’s talk about something else, yeah?” He emerged with a smile, the tension in the room subsiding considerably as you relaxed back into his covers, comfortable under his blankets. “Gladly.” You teased him, turning onto your side as he flopped down beside you. “Do you have any name ideas yet?” 

You blinked, not thinking that was the route he was going to take. “Oh-uhm… well I’ve certainly thought about it over the last two weeks. I don’t know if I want to find out their gender… I’m tempted to wait until they are born. Makes it more fun that way but… I’m eager.” You confess with a dreamy smile, one that has Satoru’s lips parting in awe for a moment before he quickly recovers. “I don’t know how you’d do it, I’ve been itching to know since you told me.” He confessed softly, eyes lingering to where your hand had found its new home. He didn’t think a day had gone by in these last few weeks where he didn’t see your hand resting on your stomach. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it, Satoru. When the time comes, when she asks if I want to know the gender… I don’t think I’ll be able to say no.” You laughed softly, you were indifferent to what your baby’s gender would be. You didn’t care if they were a boy or a girl, you would be over the moon with either. But you were dying to know so you could buy them things, settle on a good name, look at baby furniture… “Are you going to share the name ideas or are you keeping them a secret?” He questioned when he saw you were starting to space out. He had been keen on trying to ground you in the present lately. 

“Oh well…” you started softly, suddenly shy to share the names you and Suguru had discussed what felt like centuries ago at this point. “For a boy, we discussed names like Ren, Ritsu, Isamu… oh and we really liked the name Hajime.” For some reason it felt very intimate to share this information. “But of course… it all depends on what he looks like. We can pick any name we want but really you can’t make the decisions till you meet them.” Satoru nodded, “I would go out on a limb to suggest Satoru… pretty solid name in my opinion.” You started to laugh, slapping his chest lightly “You’re relentless, Satoru.” 

“I may be relentless, but you love me.” He countered as you rolled your eyes. “I, unfortunately, have to agree with that.” You smiled at him, settling further into the bed before he spoke again. “How about girl names?” Satoru questioned, genuine curiosity shining in his eyes. “Oh well, we have way more of those than we do boy names. Suguru is particularly attached to Ayame and Sachi.” Satoru felt his cheeks redden, it seemed that it was just now hitting him how intimate this moment was. “I rather like Sachi and Ayame too but I really like the name Hanako.” There were a few others but you knew those three were the top contenders for a baby girl. 

“I mean Satoru can be a unisex name…” He added softly, trying to lighten the mood a bit because this was all starting to feel way too personal. Not that he really minded, it was more for his sake than yours. Laying in bed beside you, discussing baby names, it was playing with his head. “It is fully a male name, I would not name my little girl Satoru.” You laughed softly, trying to stifle your yawn as you pushed his shoulder. “Okay fine, I’ll drop the Satoru name agenda… for now.” You just smiled at him, shaking your head in an attempt to ignore the way your eyelids were steadily dropping. “You’re trying to fight your sleep?” this time, Satoru pushed your shoulder. 

“I guess I am…” you yawned, eyes watering “... I just like talking to you, Toru.” You felt warm and safe snuggled under his blankets and under the gaze of his watchful eyes. “I like talking to you too but…” his voice had cracked, heat flooding his cheeks as your eyes closed a little more. “But you need your rest, you’re literally growing another human inside of you. I’ll be here in the morning.” You nodded, eyes nearly closed completely at this point. “I guess you’re right…” he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Always guessing and never just admitting I’m right… good night.” He finished in a way you couldn’t argue with, leaving you to just sleepily hum in acknowledgment. 

—

He would stay awake longer than he wanted to, simply to watch your chest rise and fall as you slept soundly. He would remind himself with every small flutter of your eyelashes that you were dreaming, you were alive, you were breathing. Most importantly, he’d try and make himself believe that you weren't on your way out the door, leaving him behind just as Suguru had. 

But he knew better, god dammit he knew better and he hated himself for it. 

He could see it, with each passing day, each passing hour, your heart was choosing its path. The path that led straight out of his life and into the arms of the man you really loved. How he wished it was him, how desperately, selfishly Satoru wished it were him that you loved. The guilt would gnaw at his chest, making it feel like someone was ripping his heart open tendon by tendon, the blood leaking out an inky black. So weighed down by his guilt that it was tainted. 

He had tried, for years he had tried to suppress it. But nothing in this universe could block out the love he held for you so deep in his chest that it took the air from his lungs. He loved you, with every fiber of his being, even now he couldn’t understand how he had gotten so close to you without cracking and shattering to the floor like fine china. Satoru knew that even a month ago, the idea of holding you as you cried would have seemed like an impossible task. 

Not because he couldn’t restrain himself, god he couldn’t even think of you in that way without feeling immense guilt. But because he didn’t think he would ever be able to let you go. Initially he had been right, he had struggled, albeit for a fraction of a second, but he had let you go. Had you told him two months ago that he would be falling asleep with you beside him, he would have fainted on the spot, he was sure of it. 

Because even though he finally had you beside him, it wasn’t in the way he truly wanted. 

The way he truly wanted would forever be unattainable, for you were not his to keep. You had been right, you had been so god damn right when you said that he had no say in what you could and couldn’t do… and it killed him. Fuck did it kill him in every way but literally. If he could, he would keep you by his side forever, away from the man he still considered his one and only best friend, he would raise your baby with you so you didn’t need Suguru to feel whole. 

But that was not the route you were going to take, and he knew it. He knew it was only a matter of time until you ripped his chest wide open and left him only a fraction of the man he was. Suguru already had one half of his heart, if you were to leave, you would be taking the only half Satoru had left with you. Leaving him with nothing, completely and utterly alone. Why couldn’t you see he was more than enough for you? 

He was convinced he could give you a good, if not better life than what Suguru could offer you. He could provide for you and your child and you would never have to lift a finger for the rest of your life. You wouldn’t have to be a jujutsu sorcerer, you wouldn’t have to work to make money. He could give you and your baby everything you could ever desire. It was a selfish thought, the selfish desire to have someone he couldn’t. 

Somewhere along the way, amid his heartbreak over Suguru, he had foolishly believed he could win your heart. As if Suguru’s deflection would suddenly make it easier, make it okay for him to pursue you. What a childish thought, what a selfish, naive thought. He loved you too much to put you in that position, he loved Suguru too much to betray him like that… even though Suguru had arguably done much worse. 

He inhaled shakily, watching your lips wobble as you must have dreamt about something. It grounded him for a moment, making everything in his room feel a little too real yet not real at all. Like he hadn’t been aware this whole time that he was alive, that this wasn’t some nightmare. For a moment, he was certain he would black out from the crushing weight of the realization. 

So he forced his eyes to close, squeezing shut so tight that colors and odd shapes began to blossom behind his eyelids. It didn’t help the way his chest had begun to rise and fall in a pattern that was starting to look like a panic attack. He didn’t know who to go to, he didn’t know who he could go to for help. The two people he always ran to were the two people he couldn’t. 

How was it possible he felt so alone when you were sleeping right beside him? How was it possible that he still ached for you when he knew you would take his heart and stomp on it. You were a ticking time bomb, and it was only a matter of days until your timer went out. So why wasn’t he savoring this? Why wasn’t he soaking in every second he had with you before you left? 

How was he already mourning you when you were right beside him? 

—

Late November 2007 

“It…It…” you huffed, trying to force the buttons of your white top together. “It doesn’t fit?” Shoko questioned with an amused face, watching you lose your breath as you tried to make the buttons clasp. Your stomach had grown considerably over the last few weeks, it was now becoming increasingly difficult to hide the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. “It–” you huffed out again, whining as the button you closed popped back open. Defeated, you flopped onto Shoko’s mattress, uttering out a weak “It doesn’t fit.” as she began to laugh. 

“Linen like this isn’t forgiving. You’re going to have to hope your jacket fits at least, or else you’ll be telling Yaga whether you want to or not.” You whine again, hands coming down to rest on the swell of your stomach. It had been an experience to learn you were pregnant a few months back, but to see and feel the physical proof of your child was even more surreal. You had managed to sneak past Yaga for the most part, something Satoru couldn’t even grasp. “Shoko, I give up.” She quirked an eyebrow at you as you struggled to get up. “Already?” 

“Yeah, already. I’m not going to be able to fit into my uniform and I don’t think I have the energy to try it.” The second trimester had been more forgiving than the first, but you had found yourself quickly running out of breath and stamina. It was only a matter of time until you had to take a break walking up a single flight of stairs. “I’m telling Yaga today. Fuck this.” With your white button up still only covering your breasts, you pushed out of Shoko’s bedroom and marched down the hall towards Satoru’s. 

“Satoru! Give me some clothes!” you yelled before even making it to his door, banging on it only once before he was pulling it open, visibly confused. “What in the hell happened to you?” He tried not to snicker, looking over your half-assed appearance. Luckily your uniform skirt was covering your ass but even then, it really didn’t fit you. “Give me some clothes, none of mine fit me anymore, Toru.” You pout, chest rising and falling a little faster than it usually did. 

“Alright, alright, come on in.” He pushed his glasses up his face, trying not to show any sort of amusement at the way your bump was fully out in the open. Turning, he made his way to his dresser and pulled out a knit sweater and some sweatpants. “They may be too big for you, we’ll have to go shopping later for a new wardrobe that fits you.” You caught the knit as he tossed it, you could have easily gone down the hall to your own room and gotten some of Suguru’s clothing. But, for some reason, you had chosen Satoru. 

He hated to admit it but it gave him butterflies. 

“I’m going to have to tell Yaga.” you grumbled as you undid the few buttons you had managed to get shut, tossing the garment to the floor a moment later. “Oh? We’re already at that point, huh?” Satoru leaned against his dresser, watching as you pulled his knit sweater over your head, effectively masking the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. “We are, I’m not in the mood to keep sneaking around him.” You shimmied out of your too tight skirt, whining as you kicked it away. You have certainly gotten more whiny and irritable over the last few days. 

Maybe it was because you were antsy, with each passing day your child grew. Meaning that Suguru was going on with his day to day life, completely unaware. You had finally decided on your resolve not too long ago, while showering one night in your own room. He needed to know, you couldn’t live with yourself if you grew this baby and birthed them without Suguru ever knowing. “Are we going the second you’re done getting dressed?” Satoru shifted his weight from foot to foot as you stepped into the pair of sweatpants he had given you. 

“Yep.” you were curt, worn out already from an action as simple as putting on clothes. “Do we even have a game plan?” Shoko’s sudden appearance made you both jump, your head whipping around so fast it would have been comical to the two of them if they didn’t know any better. Pregnancy mood swings were no joke, Satoru learned the hard way only a few days prior when teasing you and nearly losing a finger to your curse technique. “No, but I don’t see why I need to dance around the obvious. I tell him I’m pregnant and we move on.” 

You shrug, struggling to tie the string of Satoru’s sweatpants due to your stomach. “Here , let me.” Satoru closed the distance and easily tied the string in a quick knot, laughing a bit as you huffed out a thanks. “So you’re just going to drop an atomic bomb on the poor man and move on?” Shoko questioned curiously as she flicked her lighter. “Yeah, I am. And then the two of you are coming with me to go get maternity clothes.” You sigh, hand smoothing over your now barely visible bump, smiling a bit at the fluttering kick baby gave you. “Baby agrees, so no declining.” 

Satoru saluted you “whatever you say, sergeant.” That made you laugh, tension from your clothes not fitting melting off of your shoulders as you turned to leave. “Oh wow, so we’re going right now.” Shoko fell into step beside you as you marched down the hall, leaving Satoru to scramble and get his dorm door shut before following after you. “No better time than the present, I want to get an early start with my day… you know I’ve been tiring easier nowadays.” One thing you hadn’t fully been prepared for was the amount of physical changes your body would go through. 

Sure you knew the basics like your stomach would grow, your breasts would get bigger, you would get bloated… but you hadn’t thought about how strenuous the whole thing would be. Though, it made sense when you sat down in Shoko’s bed one night with your laptop. “Oh, so baby pushes all of my organs out of the way…” To which Shoko had made a fake gagging noise. You used it as a way to antagonize Satoru the next morning, watching the man turn a shade of green as you proudly explained why you had been losing your breath. 

“I guess that’s true… it’s almost nine in the morning so I assume Yaga will be in his office.” Satoru sighed as he walked just a step behind you, pulling out his flip phone to file through a few news articles as you three walked. “Good, that means he’ll already be sitting when he gets the shock of his life.” Shoko sighed, pocketing her lighter and unlit cigarette as the three of you left the dorm buildings and began walking through the courtyard towards Yaga’s office. “I mean, I don’t really think it's that big of a deal.” You shrugged, waddling slightly as you moved. 

“You’re carrying the black sheep’s baby, of course it's a big deal.” 

You glared at Satoru as he finally had enough space to walk beside you. “I don’t mean it in a bad way, it’s just… a lot has happened. The man already beats himself up over the whole thing and now one of his students who he has been trying to watch so diligently… has hid the fact that she’s like five months pregnant. That's even more of a mindfuck.” That made you stop walking for a second, your nonchalant attitude towards it all seemed pretty selfish now that you had heard what Satoru said. “I…shit…I didn’t think about it like that.” 

“Hey, it’s not your fault, you’ve had like three whole months to cope with this and sort things out. It's normal for you  now, sometimes it’s hard to see it from new perspectives once you’ve gotten so used to it.” Shoko had listened intently, eyes shifting between you and Satoru. “You’re awfully philosophical this morning, Satoru.” The white haired man immediately pushed his glasses further up his nose, cheeks dusting pink as he shrugged. “I dunno, I’ve just had time to think.” She dropped it, focusing her attention back on you as you seemed to inhale deeply. 

“I… I’m still telling him. I’ll be gentle with my delivery but I have to rip off the bandaid.” And with that you were walking past them again, leaving the two to follow behind you as you carried yourself with a new purpose. “Do you want us to go in with you?” Shoko asked softly as the three of you crossed the courtyard and entered the building “No… It's best for it to now be some sort of show.” You knew they’d find a way to listen in on the conversation anyways. “Alright but if we hear screaming or the thud of a grown man passing out, we’re coming in.” Satoru sounded uninterested but you knew him better than to believe his facade. 

“Yeah, got it.” 

With that, you were heading up the steps to the second floor. Yaga’s office was the last door on the left, you couldn't even collect your thoughts enough to practice what you were going to say. At this point, it was better to just let it happen naturally. Your hands smoothed over your covered bump one last time before you stood in front of his doorway “Here goes nothing, little one.” It was still comforting to you to know your baby was always with you. “Principal? Are you in there?” you knocked softly, hoping your voice carried through the thick wood of the door. 

“Y/N? Yes, I’m in here, come in.” You let out a shaky breath, pulling at Satoru’s knit to make sure your bump wasn’t visible at all. You pushed the door open, relishing in the feeling of the cold wood under your fingertips before stepping into his office. “Good morning, principal.” you spoke softly, shutting the door behind you with a soft click. Yaga was sitting at his desk, papers scattered over his desk and a couple resting in one of his hands. “Good morning, Y/N… is something wrong?” You rarely came to his office to speak with him, you knew that much would have his suspicions up within the first seconds. 

“Nothing is wrong…per say.” Your hands clasped behind your back. “But you need to tell me something, don’t you?” he questioned softly, setting the papers in hands down as you began to rock on your feet. It felt as if a swarm of butterflies were fluttering around your lungs, making it almost hard to breathe as you nodded in confirmation.  “Please, come sit.” but your feet wouldn’t move, gluing you to the small space where you were rocking back and forth on your heels. “Please, sir, I’m very antsy so I think it’s best for me to say this while standing.” 

“A-alright, Y/N you’re making me a bit nervous. So please…” He swallowed, hands clasping together on his desk as he looked at you expectantly. “...If it is about Suguru…” and you nodded, eyes downcast on the two chairs before his desk. “Listen, this… I don’t even know how to spit this out so forgive me if it’s harsh.” You cleared your throat, not liking how hoarse it was already sounding. Yaga didn’t answer, instead he nodded his head even though he could tell your focus wasn’t on him. “Suguru and I… we had been dating since our first year here.” 

“Yes, I know that much…” Soft and unsure, he couldn't quite understand where you were taking this conversation. Though he could certainly guess a handful of routes, what alarmed him most was the fact that Satoru and Shoko weren’t by your side. “We… We were very serious about each other, Principal. He always spoke to me about getting married, starting a family…” you looked up at him then, teeth worrying into the side of your cheek as you tried to get the next part out. Yaga’s forehead had creased in worry “Okay… Y/N have you had contact with him since?” 

“I- no, I haven’t heard from him since the letter he left me before he left. No contact sir, that’s not what I’m trying to get at anyways…” You huffed, hands unclasping and reaching up to rub your face as you grew frustrated with yourself. “Principal I… I’ve been hiding something from you for months now and I am no longer able to hide it any longer.” That had him straightening in his chair, eyes narrowing as he waited for you to continue. You took a shaking breath, knowing there were no words that would make this any less jarring for your principal. 

“Principal Yaga I…” carefully you grabbed the hem of Satoru’s knit sweater, pulling it tight so it hugged the swell of your baby bump. “... I’m twenty weeks pregnant with Suguru’s baby.” 

You watched as the man’s narrow gaze turned considerably wide before softening. “Oh…wow.” He cleared his throat, pulling the sunglasses that had been hanging low on his face off all together. You let the knit go slowly, hiding the bump again as your principal reached up to rub his eyes. “Are you… principal are you crying?” you sounded mildly aghast at the sight. “No no I…” but he was. After a moment he set his hands down, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. “I’m sorry I'm sure that’s not the best reaction to receive after telling someone you’re…” 

“Yeah it’s… well it’s not as bad as I feared.” you cut him off, laughing a bit because among all the emotions you could sense, anger was not one of them. “I’m sorry you felt the need to hide this from me for… damn nearly five months…” he mulled over the fact that you had said you were twenty weeks into this, well into your second trimester. “I just didn’t know how to go about it sir… only Shoko and Satoru are aware of my… circumstances.” Yaga nodded, muttering a soft “I figured that much.” before sighing heavily. “Suguru has no idea.” he spoke softly, watching you nod with a sad look on your face. “I found out two weeks after he…left.” 

So not only had you been dealing with the defection of your boyfriend -  whom you loved with your entire being - you had also been reeling with the news of your own pregnancy. “I… you’re so young and you’ve already gone through so much.” Yaga spoke more to himself than you, that didn’t stop you from trying to lighten the mood. “A complicated life comes with the job of being a sorcerer. You know that Principal.” You laughed, hands finding their home on top of the swell of your stomach. Seeing you smile eased some of Yaga’s concerns. 

“I suppose… I’m glad you were able to tell me. I… take it you won’t be fitting into your uniform from here on out?” he looked you over, recognizing the clothes to likely be Satoru’s. “Oh yeah, it’s not happening from here on out.” You laughed a bit “If it’s alright with you, I’ll be heading into the city with Satoru and Shoko to get some clothes that fit me… I can look for some clothes reminiscent of our uniform.” you laugh a little more, watching a smile crack on his features. “Or I could see about getting you a uniform altered to fit you as you grow. Either way you’ll need some normal clothing that fits you…” he sighed as you nodded.

“You three be careful, I know you’re all more than capable but… still.” He sighed, voice raising a little bit “If either of them get hurt, I’m blaming you, Satoru.” Behind you, the wooden door flung open. “Hey!” But, realizing he and Shoko had been caught for eavesdropping, Satoru’s cheeks flushed pink. You whirled around, bursting out in laughter as Shoko’s hand covered her own mouth in attempts of hiding her own giggles. “I stand by what I said… Now go, have fun.” He sighed, arms unfolding as he sat forward in his chair to continue mulling over paperwork. 

“Alright, thank you, Principal. I appreciate you for being so understanding.” 

He gave you a warm smile and a soft nod, watching you exit with the other two. Once Yaga’s door was shut with a soft click, once he heard your voices and feet fading down the hall, his smile dropped. “That poor girl…” he wasn’t mad that you were pregnant, nor was he mad that you had hidden it from him. He was more so sad that you had felt the need to hide it, especially regarding your circumstances with Suguru and all. 

Which opened a whole new can of worms, he couldn't quite believe that you would keep such news from Suguru… maybe that’s why he’d noticed Shoko and Satoru always by your side. 

Maybe it wasn’t just to support a dear friend going through heartbreak. Perhaps they felt it too, felt that you were going to slip through their fingers just as Suguru had. 

—

“Are you sure clothes shopping is the task you really want to complete right now?” Shoko puffed out smoke as she talked to you, navigating the busy sidewalks with ease as Satoru led the way. “It needs to be done, I can’t wear Satoru’s clothing forever.” Shoko understood that ideology and all, but you had been ready to blow your brains out this morning over a linen dress shirt not buttoning. At this rate, she was certain just about any clothing not fitting you would get you worked up like the world was ending. “She can borrow my clothes any time.” 

Satoru laughed as he looked back at you, finding it hysterical that even with the sweats tied, you had to keep pulling them up. At this point, they were nearly at your chest, relying solely on your stomach to keep them from falling down. “All due respect, Toru. I look like a fucking clown in these pants… your tops may not be safe from me but I need pants that fit.” Satoru shook his head, an amused smile as he finally found the clothing store you loved. 

“You can help yourself to my shirts and sweaters any time, Y/N. You know that.” You scrunch your nose, shaking your head a bit as you stop in front of a store he had walked right past. “I’ll try this one first.” You could hear Shoko laugh as the automatic doors open for you, Satoru’s feet slapping the pavement as he stomped back to where you were. “Don’t get pissy cause you strolled right by, Toru.” But he only grumbled, falling to the side as Shoko shoved him teasingly. 

You spent the next fifteen minutes browsing the racks, finding things in various sizes that you’d unfortunately have to try on. All the while, Satoru had found his home on a bench in the middle of the bustling store, his legs crossed as he sorted through things on his phone. “I think this one will be cute, but you’ll have to try it on in this size and this size.” Shoko handed you a knit sweater similar to the one you were already wearing, a smile on her face as she spotted something else. “We’ll have to find a proper maternity store.” 

Shoko mumbled as she filled through the racks again for the article of clothing in your size range. “Satoru, go see if they have a baby store around here.” Shoko ordered the man who didn’t move a muscle. “Yeah, no way.” You snickered as you dropped a few more items on his lap. Dutifully, he held them there with one hand while looking at his small phone screen. “I’ll just go ask one of the employees here.” you wandered off after saying that, hearing Shoko scold Satoru for making the pregnant woman go look for help. 

You moved with ease through the busy aisles, walking past the floor to length mirrors as you did so. Just beyond the windows was the busy sidewalks of downtown Tokyo, mid-day sun making it look much later than it was due to the shortening days. You weren’t sure what possessed you to be so observant as you walked the length of the store, really you should have been looking for an associate. But there, across the street, visible between the people passing by, was a person you would recognize anywhere. You felt your heart stop at the sight. 

You questioned it for only a split second, feet frozen in place as you watched two young girls come bouncing out of a cafe with drinks in hand. He smiled at them, a smile you had only been able to see in your dreams, before turning to head down the sidewalk with them in tow. It took you all of two seconds to collect yourself enough to move. Without thinking much beyond the fact that Suguru was across the street from you, you moved as fast as your feet could carry you without breaking out into an all out sprint. 

You couldn’t hear anything beyond the ringing in your ears, had you been able to you would have heard the confused calls of your name from Shoko and Satoru as they watched you run out the door. You couldn't breath as you moved down the sidewalk, eyes laser focusing on the back of Suguru’s head as he moved among the many bobbing heads. Your inability to breathe in that moment stopped you from calling out to him, though you doubt he would have been able to hear you anyways. Still, you pushed through the people flooding the sidewalk, not acknowledging a single disgruntled look as your feet carried you towards him. 

Move. Move faster. Fucking move faster!

You screamed inside of your own mind, ignoring the way your body screamed in protest from the amount of physical movement. For the first time in months, Suguru was in your reach and yet you couldn’t seem to close the distance. It was like some nightmare, no matter how fast you moved, Suguru never seemed to get any closer to you. Yet, you still saw the back of his head, he was still there, you wouldn’t give up until you couldn’t see him anymore. It was creeping up on you with each and every step, the deep rooted heartbreak from his departure. 

For some reason, it felt like you were ripping open a wound that hadn’t even begun to heal yet. Yanking each carefully placed stitch with nothing more than dull fingernails. It came undone easily, blood leaking out in time with the pounding of your heart as Suguru’s head disappeared around the corner of an intersection. A feeble cry of “No!” left your lips, just as labored as your breathing as you reached the end of the sidewalk and looked right in the direction he had turned. But, there was no sight of him anymore, gone from your view once again. 

You felt the steady build in your chest, creeping up your throat as you felt the urge to sob violently where you stood. Yet the tears wouldn’t come, catching somewhere in your throat so you truly felt like there was no air in your lungs. “What the fuck was that?” Satoru’s voice pulled you from your daze, your head turning to see a concerned Shoko and Satoru panting as they caught up to where you now stood. Yet, you couldn’t hold Satoru’s bewildered gaze for long, eyes returning to the street once more. “I…” you started, barely hearing yourself as you spoke. 

“I saw… I saw him. It was him.” you managed to spit out, lips parted as you tried to force air in your lungs. “Him? As in Suguru?” Shoko spoke for Satoru, had you been able to turn your head and meet his gaze you would have seen that he had turned as pale as a sheet of paper. You could only muster a nod, shoulders shaking with the force of your breathing as you tried to ground yourself in reality once again. So many emotions were running rampant through your head that it was turning into a dull buzz where none of them could make their way up to the surface. 

“You’re… positive it was him?” Shoko closed what little distance there was, hand resting on your bicep as if she was afraid you’d take off running again. “P-positive. I’d know him anywhere… The little girls were with him too.” You felt your baby kick, your hand flying up to rest on the swell of your stomach as you were finally grounded by their movement. “Sorry honey… I didn’t mean to scare you.” you spoke downwards, soothing your hand over the knit sweater to comfort the child within your womb. You doubted it would really comfort them, more so it was to comfort you.

You pulled your gaze away from the busy street, head turning to look at Satoru but the man was already taking off in the direction you had claimed to see Suguru go. “S-satoru?” Shoko’s head turned with yours, watching him stalk down the busy sidewalk. “He…” You started, but your voice sounded hollow as Shoko began guiding you back in the direction you had come from. “But… he…” Your head followed Satoru until Shoko had guided you away from the intersection and down the sidewalk. “Leave him be.” Shoko spoke slowly, head trained forward.

“But he… Satoru…” Shoko cut you off with a tug a little harder than the others “Satoru is a big boy, you are pregnant. You are in no condition to be booking it out of a store and into the busy road, did you even bother looking before you crossed the street?” For the first time ever, you could hear anger in Shoko’s words. Your silence was more than enough of an answer for her, a scoff leaving her lips as she pulled you over to a small area cut off from the endless streams of people making their way through the city’s center. “You cannot fucking do that, Y/N.”

But she could tell by the look in your eyes that you were anywhere but this moment in time. 

“You are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car. Do you even know that? You ran out into that street in front of cars Y/N.” Shoko’s voice wavered, to add to the many firsts that were occurring in these moments, her voice had begun to waver. As if she were scared… in truth she was. She had nearly witnessed you and your unborn baby be killed and yet you were completely oblivious. You caught sight of Suguru and you had left everything behind. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, amidst all the buzzing in your head and ringing in your ears, you were processing the gravity of the situation. Your actions had so blatantly given away your inner thoughts, thoughts you hadn’t intended on letting out. You would, without fail, everytime, follow that man if given the chance. It made your heart ache, the same deep rooted ache that you were certain would never leave you until he was in your arms again. “Satoru…” Shoko spoke softly, your head whipping in the direction Shoko was looking. 

Satoru was making his way back up the sidewalk, face pale and eyes hollow. “I lost him.” he spoke softly, somehow still audible over the roaring of the city. “You saw him?” Shoko questioned, her grip on your bicep lowering to your wrist because she really couldn’t trust you to not run away from her. “Only for a moment, he was getting into a car. The thing was driving off by the time I reached the spot where it had been parked.” Then, finally, knowing he was long gone by now, you could breathe again. The urge to run was gone, leaving you drained. 

“I want to go home.” 

“Yeah, me too.” Satoru uttered softly, arm coming up to rub the back of his neck. He seemed just as disconnected as you felt, leaving Shoko to look between the two of you in concern. “I’ll call for the car.” She pulled out her phone, clicking a number she had on speed dial and waited. Your day had effectively been ruined, leaving you and Satoru in shambles all over again. “We can try this again another day… but you need clothes that fit sooner than later.” Shoko knew she was practically speaking to herself at this point, flipping her phone shut and shoving it in her pocket. 

The three of you stood quietly off to the side, waiting for the car to pull up to the curb and take you home. Your mind was still reeling of course, so many thoughts at once that it had essentially gone blank. But there, amidst the haze of your confusion, one question was burning brightly. “Why didn’t you use infinity?” Your tone was gravelly, eyes meeting Satoru’s dissociated gaze. “...what?” he questioned back as if there was no air in his lungs as he spoke. “Why didn’t you use infinity?” you say it again, a little stronger this time. 

You had no intentions for it to come out accusatory, nor did you mean it to be rude. You were just stupidly unaware at that moment, your brain so clouded that it had reduced you to nothing. “Why didn’t you use your curse technique?” he countered, knowing your own technique would not have been able to stop Suguru from getting out of your grasp. “Why didn’t you look before crossing the street? Why didn’t you run faster?” Satoru spat at you when you didn’t answer, regret dawning in the back of his mind when he saw your eyes brim with tears. 

“That is enough, Satoru.” Shoko interjected before you could even mumble out a feeble response, sniffling harshly as you rubbed your watering eyes. “You are both hurt. There is no god damn point in sitting here asking the other why they didn’t do something because it’s done and over with now.” Shoko’s head was focused on Satoru, glaring at the man harshly as he schooled his features into stoic disinterest. “Better yet, you two were so fucking shell shocked by his sudden appearance that you lost all sense of reason, so there. That’s why infinity wasn’t used.” 

But still, Shoko was staring at Satoru. It angered you a bit, sniffling a little harder as you couldn’t seem to control the watery whimpers that fell from wobbling lips. She should be mad at both of you, and instead she was primarily scolding Satoru and treating you as a frail object. But, given your hopeless and teary eyed gaze, Satoru didn’t blame Shoko for focusing her anger on him. He regretted it almost as soon as he spoke the words out loud, having read your intentions wrong. But he couldn’t swallow his pride and apologize for it just yet, still too overwhelmed. 

You were both saved from her wrath due to the car pulling up to the curb. “We’re going home, and you two are sitting in the back seat.” she tugged you along, reaching for Satoru’s wrist and tugging him too. “We’ll figure out your clothing situation another day.” She grumbled as she pulled the door open for you “for now, just wear Satoru’s clothes… or Suguru’s.” she added the last bit softly, glancing up to see Satoru shoot her a look as he rounded the car to get in on the other side. “Next time, it’ll just be the two of us going out.” 

You only nodded, sinking into the soft back seat of the school’s car and letting Shoko shut the door for you. Satoru settled in beside you, making a point to keep his distance and look out the window as the car began to drive off. You ignored it, not in the right headspace to even tackle what the man’s withdrawn behavior could really mean. You’d just assume he was upset with you until he was ready to talk, because right now all you wanted was your own bed, in your own room, and to sleep until you couldn’t remember why your heart was so heavy in the first place.

—

December 24th, 2007 [1:00pm]

twenty five weeks. 

You were twenty five weeks into your pregnancy which meant you had roughly fourteen weeks left until your baby was born. Still, Suguru had no idea. Over half way through your pregnancy and the father of your baby had no idea you were even pregnant. “It’s christmas eve, little one.” You spoke softly as you sat alone in your dorm room, one of your own sweaters sitting snugly on your body, your pregnant belly was too big to hide at this point. “I can’t believe you’re going to get bigger…” you cooed softly, rubbing your stomach as you sat at your desk. 

You haven't really been speaking to anyone, especially after your near encounter with Suguru back at the end of November. You and Satoru had made up to an extent, but you could still feel a strain on your relationship. That strain was leaking into your relationship with Shoko as well, isolating you from the feeling of comfort the two once brought you. You had ended up sleeping in your own room that night, not responding at first to either of them when they pressed you. “I just need space to think.” you had finally caved late that night when Shoko wouldn’t stop texting. 

You hadn’t returned to either of their beds since, finding comfort in your not so alone solitude. You had your baby with you - in you - you were never truly alone nowadays. For some reason, neither of them pushed you further about the sudden switch of wanting to be alone. In the following weeks of Suguru’s deflection, you couldn’t stand being in your once lively dorm room… despite not being able to drag yourself out of bed most mornings. Now, Satoru and Shoko saw you sparsely, so long as you were on campus, they supposed it was alright to leave you alone. 

It took a few days for the realization to settle in, but your reaction to seeing Suguru again had really done a number on them. “I’ll be out of their hair soon enough…” You murmured to your quiet room, pen scratching the notepad on your desk fervently as you expressed your sorrow.  A faint smile was present on your lips as you wrote down your goodbye note to Shoko, a weight slowly being lifted off of your tired shoulders with each sentence you neatly scribbled down. 

You would be leaving Jujutsu Tech tonight.

And if you could help it, you would never be coming back. 

That was your final decision roughly one week after the whole incident, the guilt of feeling like a burden had been weighing on you since. You would be going to see him tonight, for the first time in four months you would be seeing Suguru… but he would have no idea it was you. It was all planned out, like clockwork really, you had worked through every fine detail of your departure. Your bag was packed and shoved under your bed, a duffle filled with some sentimental clothing items, your personal belongings and things that meant a lot to you. 

Most of your dorm room would be staying behind, just as Suguru had. 

You were - intentionally and not at the very same time - following in his footsteps. Albeit you’d have it a little harder because you had a funny feeling Satoru, Shoko, and Yaga already suspected you were ready to jump ship… they just didn’t know when. You set your pen down for a moment, stretching each finger and flexing your hand to shake out the wariness. You would be leaving soon after the sun had set, while everyone who was still present on campus attended the annual christmas party. You would feign a migraine, something you had been doing quite frequently so it wouldn’t come off too strange when Shoko or Satoru came knocking.

Once you were certain the dorms were empty, you and your baby would be off. Only two pit stops on your way out the door, Shoko’s dorm and Satoru’s dorm, so you could leave them your letters before disappearing into the night.  The first stop after that would be the hotel room you had booked in Shinjuku, you’d place your bag there and get ready. You would be meeting with Suguru at 6pm, under an alias and disguise. You had called his assistant on a pay phone only a few days ago, begging for an appointment on christmas eve with the “mighty healer” taking pity on you, she ran it by Suguru and he agreed. 

The only reason you were doing this under a disguise was because you needed to get your emotions sorted. If you saw him for the first time again in months, face to face with nowhere to run, you were positive you would break down immediately. So, you’d ease into things as best you could. If things worked out, you would only have to live inside a hotel room for less than a week. But if things didn’t work out like you prayed they would, you and your baby would figure it out as you went. You just couldn’t bear the weight of your guilt any longer, you felt as if you were dragging everyone down. 

Carefully, your pen was picked up and you began scratching your thoughts. Satoru’s letter has been finished for three days now, sitting neatly in an envelope on your bottom drawer. You were finishing Shoko’s now, front and back of each paper so the letter itself was nearly four pages long. Satoru was shorter, a single page because if you let yourself get carried away, you were certain you would run out of paper before you could finish your thoughts. Your teeth sunk into the flesh of your lower lip, worrying it deeply as you tried to conclude her letter. 

Your pen froze on the paper as you stared at what you had written, for some reason it was hitting you now. Tears were welling in your eyes as you sniffled, trying to blink them away while trying to avoid them landing on the paper and soiling it. “C’mon now… it would be so unfair to her to litter this with my tears.” You pushed the paper away, getting up from your desk to make your way into the bathroom. Splashing cold water on your face seemed like the best solution, bending over the sink as best you could you let the water pool in your hands. 

A couple rounds later you were able to regain your composure, reaching for the towel you kept hanging on the wall and using it to dry your face. You stood in the all too bright lights of your bathroom, looking at your reflection just to find it felt foreign for a moment. Twenty five weeks into your pregnancy, your stomach had certainly popped at this point, making it hard for you to believe it would continue to get bigger. “The human body is fascinating.” you muttered softly, turning to the side so you could see how you looked with your sweater on. “You’ll be difficult to conceal, little one. Though, your daddy won’t know it’s me…” 

You were still going to put effort into trying to hide your pregnancy. That was a part of your plan you truly couldn’t explain, it just didn’t feel right waltzing in there with your pregnant belly on display while he had no idea it was you and his child. “Let’s finish Auntie Shoko’s letter, shall we?” You needed to get through it, you had no time to really delay things further. The sun would be setting in a few hours, the party would start at five, you had four hours total left for your time at Jujutsu Tech. Not a single second of it could be wasted. 

You sat down again, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth as you picked up the pen with shaky hands. You reread everything you had written thus far, all the way up to your half done sentence. You picked it up front here, finishing your thoughts and concluding the letter within twenty minutes. With a labored sigh of relief, you pulled another envelope out of your drawer and folded the letter neatly, slipping it inside and sealing it. Your hand trembled tenfold as you wrote Shoko’s name neatly on the back. “Done… it’s done.” 

December 24th, 2007 [3:30pm]

You had drawn your blinds, got a hot pack ready, set medicine and a glass of water on your nightstand. Now, you laid in near darkness, counting down the seconds until Shoko or Satoru appeared at your door. You had planted the first seed an hour prior, telling Shoko you felt a migraine coming on over text and that you’d have to lay down for a bit to see if it would pass. She had responded with an “okay” and let you know she or Satoru would be checking on you within the hour. If they stayed true to their word, it would be any time now. 

You passed the time by looking out your window, despite the blinds being drawn you could still see slivers of the darkening sky. “Winter is such a melancholic season, little one.” not even evening yet and the sky was changing from blue to orange and finally fading into indigo. “I’m glad you won’t be born in the dead of winter… rather somewhere in early spring.” It was odd to think that the year was nearly through, that Christmas was looming just hours away. This was arguably the least festive Christmas you had ever experienced. 

“Ya know, this isn’t how I thought my first pregnancy would go.” You whisper to your empty room, knowing it didn’t matter how quietly you talked, your baby would hear you. At least, that’s what you liked to think, that one thought always brought you comfort. “I swear mommy is going to fix this, my little love. You will be so cherished and so loved by me and your daddy.” You exhaled slowly, not expecting your own rambling to tug at your chest the way it did. “Soon, soon my little love, soon it will be okay.” You tried to swallow the lump in your throat as you struggled to roll onto your side, placing the hotpack on your head once more. 

It took all of five minutes for footsteps to approach your door, a gentle rasp of fingers hitting the wood and a soft call of your name. “Come in.” You didn’t have to try and sound weak, the frog in your throat aiding you. “Well, this is a depressing Christmas eve… how are you?” You struggled to roll over yet again, squinting as the hall light flooded your room, silhouetting Satoru’s lanky figure. “Not good, I don’t think I’ll be able to go, Satoru.” You could see him shifting from foot to foot. “Do you… want me to stay with you?” and for a moment you had to school your expression from the sheer panic that nearly pulled your features. 

“N-no, god that would be useless. Go enjoy your christmas eve, I have my pain meds and I’ve got some pregnancy safe sleeping meds. I’ll be out like a light within the next hour. Have fun, Satoru.” You urged him, praying he wouldn’t be stubborn. Reluctantly, you heard him sigh. “Are you positive?” You weren’t sure why him giving up so easily made your heart ache. For the sake of your plan, you couldn’t let him stay. But, for some reason, it made your chest heavy that he didn’t put up more of a fight. So different… Why are things so different? “Positive.” You gave him a weak smile, still squinting because of the hall light.

“Alright… well… merry christmas, Y/N. I’ll give everyone your well wishes.” 

“Thank you, Satoru… Merry christmas.” 

You watched him leave, a gentle click of your door shutting flowed by his feet padding down the hallway again. It wasn’t until silence was the only thing ringing in your ears that the choked sobs you had tried to hold off all day came forward. You couldn’t catch your breath with the force of them, clutching your chest as you curled in on your side. Deep, guttural sobs shook your frame until they turned completely silent. In the dark of your room, you gasped for air that would not enter your lungs. Your cries so wheezy and silent that you were certain you would pass out if you could not get a grip and catch your breath. 

It hurts… god it fucking hurts… What went wrong? Where did I go so horribly wrong? Your own thoughts seem to bounce off the cavern of your skull, echoing in your ears as hot tears ruined your pillowcase. You forced yourself into a sitting position despite your body screaming in protest, your baby’s fluttering kicks urging you to relax before you sent them into distress along with you. “I'm sorry…I’m sorry.” You could barely speak, stumbling out of your bed and towards your bathroom, blindly searching for the knob as your vision was clouded with tears. 

All you could think about was cold water, splashing cold water on your face would ground you for a moment. Though, cold water certainly could not cure a breaking heart. Your slowly swelling eyes remained shut as you flicked on the LED lights of your bathroom, blindly walking to your sink and turning the cold water on. It contrasted starkly with the hot tears that had been streaming down your cheeks, filling your nose and making it run. You hated it, every second of it, so utterly hopeless and confused. You never wanted to leave on a bad note, but it didn't seem like something that could be helped. Not now at least… 

You bent down, eyes opening a fraction to see the crystal clear water pool in your cupped hands before overflowing. After a moment, you splashed it up on your face, gasping as it seemed to shock your system out of its haze. You did it again, and again, and again, until the tears stopped and you could breathe without needing to think about it. “There we go… I’m so sorry, little one. Mommy didn’t mean to frighten you like that…” Slowly, your baby’s hyperactivity slowed, relaxing with your calming heart. “I’m still learning… I promise I’ll get the hang of it.” 

“You are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car.”

Shoko’s words still hung heavy on you from that day. Ever since, you have become all too aware of your baby. Especially since you had begun spending so much time alone, every waking thought was about them and their well being. Even at doctor’s appointments you were certain Shoko only accompanied you so you wouldn’t use it as a chance to run off. “I think it’s almost time for us to go, little one.” You had told your doctor that you didn’t want to know the gender, as much as it killed you to wait. You wanted Suguru present when it was revealed. 

With a heavy sigh you  grabbed a towel, drying your face and tossing it in the hamper to never be washed. Your mind was still filled with ten million and one thoughts, but you needed to try and stay level headed if you wanted to get off of campus without being spotted. You gave your bathroom one last glance over, three years this room had been your home. After tonight, you would likely never see it again. With a small amount of hesitation, you flicked off the lights and shut the door. Now you were faced with every step that needed to be taken to pull this all off. 

The first step was to lock your door, you couldn’t bring yourself to breathe until you did so. Crossing the short distance, you held the knob title and turned the lock until it clicked. That pulled a fraction of the stress off of your shoulders, allowing you to move a little more freely about your bedroom as you got yourself ready. You weren’t particularly in a rush, though the racing of your heart certainly made you feel like you should be. It took you about twenty minutes to sort through the contents of your bag before throwing a few more things inside of it. 

By now the sun had set, 4:00pm was staring at you in big red letters on your nightstand. 

I’ve got time. You spoke to yourself, shuffling over to your desk to pull the bottom drawer open. You had been strategic, burning and disposing of any information you had kept hidden in there. Not that there was truly anything worthwhile, you just felt a bit paranoid leaving it behind. Now, all that was left were the two letters you’d be placing in their dorm rooms. This was how you’d make sure they had actually left for the party. You had plenty of excuses made up in the event they were still inside their respective dorm rooms. “Alright little one, let’s go.” 

You carefully placed the letters inside of your coat, shielding them from unwanted eyes in the event things turned for the worse. You tried to move with no real direction, if you seemed intent on getting somewhere, it would easily give you away. At least that’s what you figured while unlocking your door and heading out into the quiet hallway. Squinting, playing the part of someone who had a raging migraine, you shuffled down the hall towards Shoko’s bedroom. Your sock covered feet seemed to echo with each soft tap, your body carrying you down the halls you had considered your one and only home for nearly three years. 

“Shoko?” you knocked on her door, speaking loud enough that if anyone was in there, they’d hear you. After a moment of no answer, you grabbed the knob and pushed it open. Shoko’s room was dark, all lights off save for the festive holiday lights she had strung up around the perimeter of her dorm room. It’s really been that long… I had no idea she even did this… the weight of that realization made it hard to breathe again, chest tight as you made your way forward while tugging the envelope with her name on it out of your coat. Her room once felt so safe to you, so homey and secure… Now it felt as if you were walking into a stranger’s dorm. 

It was astonishing how quickly relationships could change over one “small” event in time. 

Your heart was still pounding in your chest as you dropped the note on her desk. You didn’t want to waste another second, turning on your heels and shutting the door as if you had never been in there to begin with. Next was Satoru, his room just a little ways down the hall. Your feet seemed to move slower than before, one hand resting on the swell of your stomach as you waddled to the door you had opened and shut so many times over the years you’d never be able to keep count. You could feel it again, the frog forming in your throat as you held your hand up. 

But you stopped mid-way to the door, you never knocked before entering Satoru’s dorm room. That would immediately raise suspicions if he still happened to be inside. So, one last time, for old time sake, you pushed into his unlocked dorm room and heaved a heavy sigh as you were greeted with nothing in return. Satoru had left his desk lamp on, leaving the room in a golden glow despite nobody being inside. You couldn’t understand why you felt disappointed about the fact that he wasn’t there. Just as you couldn’t describe the heaviness in your chest when he didn’t put up a fight only a little while ago. Such stupid emotions… stupid stupid stupid. 

You shut his door behind you as you entered his dorm for what would be the very last time. It seemed to suck the air from your lungs as you stepped further into the room you had once been so familiar with. Only a few weeks had passed and yet you felt as if an eternity had expanded across the short period of time. It almost felt foreign as you stepped towards the bed you had spent so many nights in, eyes roaming over his disheveled covers from his hazardous bed making skills. You pulled the letter out of your coat, laughing a bit as you realized your stupid mistake, not that it mattered now. You’d be out the door in less than ten minutes. 

You left the envelope neatly on his pillow, holding back tears as you turned away and walked out of the room all together. There was no point in reminiscing, no point in wishing for things to return to how they once were, you needed to do what you deemed best for yourself and your child. That meant being with your baby’s father, that meant doing what you could to rebuild the things Suguru had destroyed. For some reason, that seemed easier than staying at Jujutsu Tech. You pulled Satoru’s door shut, adrenaline flooded your veins as you processed the fact that all you had left to do now was grab your few things and leave. 

You moved down the hall quickly, feet carrying you faster than they had in a long while. Every step you took, out in the open, felt like you were begging for someone to accidentally stumble upon you. You could heave a sigh of relief as your dorm door was in sight once again. You pushed into your dorm room again, throat feeling dry as you grabbed the duffle bag off of your bed and slung it over your shoulder. You looked around one last time, pregnancy hormones making you suddenly sentimental over everything you’d be leaving behind. They are nothing more than inanimate belongings, get a hold on reality. You scolded yourself as your eyes welled with tears, you’d have plenty of time in the future to gain new sentiment over such trivial things. 

Right now, you need to get out. He was waiting for you, unknowingly Suguru was waiting for you. You’d be damned if you gave up the opportunity now. With a heavy heart, you crossed the distance one last time and turned off the lights of your dorm before stepping into the hall. With a click that felt almost deafening, it was time for you to make your way out of the dorm building without gaining any unwanted attention. You placed everything on your fellow classmates being at that damned christmas party, you just prayed it was a safe bet to make. You moved equally as fast as you had moments prior, feet carrying you and your child down the wooden halls you could no longer call your home. Each step seemed to creak loudly as it bounced off empty walls. 

Your feet hit the landing of the first floor and you felt like they’d give out beneath you, Everything was too silent, though you supposed that should be a good thing for your sake. It made you feel uneasy regardless, every fiber of your being seemed to come alive with each step you took. The air in your lungs seemed to be frozen as your hands met the cool metal of the back door, one push and your fate would be sealed. For the first time that day, you didn’t second guess a single action you made, pushing it open to be greeted with a gush of cold air. 

Freedom.

Had you not been so heavily pregnant, you would have taken off in an all out sprint. You didn’t realize how badly you ached to do so until the ability was taken from you. Instead, you moved as fast as your feet would allow you to, hand resting on your stomach to try and minimize the amount of bouncing the action was causing you. You would be off campus within seconds, out into the real world and on the subway before you could process it. It seemed as if the universe put wind on your sail again, the only thing thundering in your ears was the sound of your own racing heart. It was within your reach, so close you could taste it, the happiness you so desperately longed to feel again, it was coming back. 

“Y/N?” 

You stopped short, the air leaving your lungs just as it had left your metaphorical sail. You turned slowly, bracing yourself for who you’d see calling your name. Much to your surprise, it was the last person you had expected to see. “...Nanami?” The blonde was looking you over with creased brows, nodding a bit as you stated the obvious. “Yeah, it’s me uh…wow.” he commented softly, taking a timid step towards you. “I came for the party though I didn’t really want to… I see you’ve got a lot going on.” He cleared his throat, it dawned on you in that moment that he had no idea you were pregnant until this very second. “I-yeah. You could put it like that.” 

“It’s Suguru’s, isn’t it?” he questioned softly, finally dragging his eyes from the swell of your stomach and up to your face. “It is, he just doesn’t know it yet.” Yet. Nanami wasn’t stupid, seeing the duffle bag slung over your shoulder he knew you were leaving. “I take it that’s where you’re heading now?” his voice was achingly quiet, though he had never been one to talk loudly. “It… yeah it is. I…umm… Nanami, they don’t know I’m leaving.” You started, your throat feeling dry as you tried to figure out how to proceed. “You’re not coming back.” he stated it more than questioned. Carefully, you nodded. “I’m not coming back.” you repeated with a sad smile. 

“I understand. Trust me, if anyone is to understand where you’re coming from with that logic, it’s me.” You felt the tension melting from your shoulders “Nanami, promise me you won’t say a word… I left them letters I just… I can’t have them stopping me now. Not when my mind is made up.” The blonde nodded slowly, eyes roaming over your body and back to your baby bump. “You have to do what you think is best for you and your baby. If leaving this all behind, if going to Suguru is what you deem best, then nobody has the right to disagree with you.” He stated it matter-of-factly to you, arms crossing as a gentle smile crossed his face. 

“Take care of yourself, and your baby, Y/N. Tell Suguru I said hello, and I promise your secret is safe with me.” As quickly as it started, it seemed to stop. Nanami had always been a man of purpose. “I will… thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Nanami.” The blonde nodded, still smiling a bit as he turned away from you. “This never happened, I’m sure you’re on a tight schedule.” But his tone was lighter for once, making you smile a bit as you uttered out a soft “yeah… see you later, Nanami.” You took off again, feet carrying you down the dirt paths with ease. Unknowingly to you, Nanami was watching you go, not moving from his spot until you had disappeared from his sight. He sighed deeply before finally moving the other way. 

 “I hope you find your peace, Y/N.” 

December 24th, 2007 [4:45pm] 

You held onto the iron pole of the subway cart as it barreled down the tracks. Standing where you were now, surrounded by people heading home to spend the holidays with their families, fluorescent lights nearly blinding, you felt unreal. As if this was all a figment of your imagination and you’d wake up in your bed, in your dorm room, hopelessly alone again. It hadn’t been until you arrived at the station that you realized just how suffocated you had felt at Jujutsu Tech. Satoru and Shoko had been so strict in hopes of keeping you from flying the nest, instead it had the polar opposite effect. I guess I should thank them. 

You didn’t hold any malice towards the two, but it did sting when you thought of how quickly they changed. You could, arguably, understand where they were coming from. By no means were claiming innocence to anything that had gone down between the three of you. It was crazy to you how less than forty five minutes of freedom was already giving you a level head and better perspective. Though you doubted you’d be able to cling onto sanity for much longer, with each minute that ticked by you were closer to seeing Suguru. That alone made your heart swell. 

Based on the lights above your head, you’d be at Shinjuku Station in less than three minutes. From there it would be taking a taxi to the hotel you had booked a room at. Then, so long as check-in went smoothly, you’d be in your room and getting ready before 5:30. You knew Suguru’s religious group was a fifteen minute walk from your hotel, but a taxi would get you there in five. Either way, you’d get there by 6pm, you didn’t care how. Your heart was thumping erratically, you knew you’d need to disconnect your phone once you got off the train. 

You prayed with each passing second that you wouldn’t feel it buzz, that nobody would ring your line because truthfully you didn’t think you’d be able to handle knowing they knew. You’d rather be selfishly, blissfully unaware of when their worlds came crashing down for a second time. You would need to destroy your phone once you arrived at the station, you could worry about buying a new one after the holidays had passed. Truthfully, there was no reason for you to remain in contact with anyone anymore, what was done was done and that was simply it. It did make your heart ache though, but you were a big girl, you made the bed and you now had to sleep in it. 

The subway cart came to a halt, sending you forward a bit as your clammy hand gripped the pole a little harder. An automated voice came over the speaker to announce that you had arrived at Shinjuku station. With that, the doors were sliding open, crowds of people moving to exit the train just as people flooded to enter it. Luckily for you, people could see your state, knowing you were pregnant, many moved out of the way just a bit to accommodate you as you walked by. You had ended up standing the whole train ride despite many offering you their seats. You had assured them you were fine, antsy even and it would help your nerves to stand. 

Your feet felt as heavy as led as you carried yourself through the brightly lit station towards the escalators that would carry you back up to street level. With your phone clutched tightly in your hand, you activated your curse technique. You could feel it now, the metal and glass that made up your flip phone crushed until it resembled nothing more than a flattened soda can. Completely unusable, utterly destroyed. You dropped it in a passing trash can, body feeling significantly lighter now that there was no way for them to directly contact you. Your feet hit the moving platform a second later, carrying you upwards, a step closer to your goal. 

December 24th, 2007 [5:45pm] 

You were early, you couldn’t help it. You had taken as little time as possible once you arrived at your hotel room, throwing together an imperfect disguise. You had managed to successfully hide your pregnancy, a disposable face mask was hiding the lower half of your face. Suguru would recognize your eyes, you knew that, so even though the sun had long ago set, you slotted a pair of sunglasses over your face. Your hair was neatly tucked under a beanie, the hood on your sweatshirt being dragged overtop. You had to wonder if this appearance would raise any suspicions with him, but you had to assume he was used to people being ashamed of wanting to be “healed”. Either way, you prayed he wouldn’t question it. 

Your weight shifted from foot to foot, eyes peering up at the looming and honestly overwhelming building that made up the temple. You had a handful of steps you would need to climb to reach the entrance, which had been part of your desire to get here as soon as you could manage. Climbing up stairs had become your mortal enemy at this point, one flight in and you were wheezing for air. “Bear with me, little one.” You let your hand smooth over your stomach one last time before starting your torturous climb. Each step was shaky, your breath warm on your face as the mask shielded you from the cool air. Still, labored breathing was enough to have faint puffs of your breath turning visible in the air. 

The added layers weren’t helping your cause, either. But you would manage, all because Suguru was just beyond the walls of the temple that loomed before you. For months you had to live with the fact that he was alive and well within miles of you. Just out of your reach, leaving you to pick up the shattered pieces of the life you had so carefully tried to build. You had been angry, sad, depressed and disappointed. You had gone through every stage of grief and then some. But right now, as you ascended these steps, it suddenly didn’t seem to matter anymore. How foolish you could become when blinded by such devoted love. “Are you here to meet with Master Geto?”

You glanced up at the sound of a woman’s voice, recognizing it from when you spoke on the phone a dew days prior. “I-I am.” you huffed out, finally reaching the top of the platform in which the temple rested upon. “You’re quite early, Mast Geto will appreciate this.” She smiled warmly at you but you could tell by the ugly crinkle in her smile lines that it was forced. “I’m glad.” You managed to squeeze out, trying to calm your racing heart as your baby’s kicks fluttered around your stomach. Always so active. You mused to yourself as the woman turned away from you. “He’ll likely be waiting already, he just finished with a client. You’re the last for the year. Quite the honor if I say so myself. You’re very lucky.” Very lucky, huh?

You didn’t have to bother hiding your amused smirk, the face mask providing you all the security you needed as she guided you towards the temple’s entrance. “I hope you don’t mind my appearance.” You started, testing the waters to see how poorly she thought of you based on one glance. “It’s alright, Master Geto understands some of the people that come to him are doing so against their family’s wishes. Anonymity is welcomed in his eyes.” You felt your brow twitch, humming out a “oh good” as the temple doors seemed to open on their own. “Before you meet with him privately, I do have a small handful of rules.” Rules? She took your silence as a go-ahead, holding her clipboard tightly to her chest as her hips swayed with each step. 

“Master Geto asks you to wash your hands before meeting with him. He also requests that you do not touch him unless he reaches out to touch you. Granted the most the man will touch is your hands or shoulders. He will never venture any further.” You assumed that had to do with his newfound hatred for non-sorcerers, anything of the sort was likely considered filth to him. So how peculiar was it that he would go out of his way to heal them. If you could pick his brains apart, you would. You prayed wholeheartedly that you’d be given the chance. All those countless nights, sitting beside Satoru, trying to wrap your head around Suguru and his choices. 

He owed you the deepest, most thought out and intricate explanation he could manage. You still couldn’t fathom why this was the answer to his jumbled thoughts. “You may use this sink to cleanse yourself.” You blinked, head turning to the stainless steel sink fitted right to the wall outside the doors that would lead to Suguru’s quarters. It was brand new, clearly installed within the temple’s construction only a few months prior. You exhaled slowly as you pushed up your sleeves, this was by no means the Suguru you remembered. But you couldn’t let your doubt drag you down yet, you still hadn’t seen him, spoken with him. 

You set the water to cold, scrubbing your hands thoroughly with the soap provided. You swore you could still feel the clammy, dirty metal of the subway pole on your hands despite washing them when you got to the hotel. It only made you scrub harder, anxiety creeping into your neck as the crushing reality began to settle in. Within minutes… no within seconds really, you’d be seeing Suguru again for the first time in nearly five months. “You may use the towels to your right to dry your hands once you are done.” The woman chimed softly behind you, looking down at her clipboard so she could cross off your name – an alias you had given – the last on his list. 

You felt a moment of hesitation as you reached up to turn off the water. As if the anticipation for this moment would feel more overwhelming than seeing him in person again. You found yourself fearing the disappointment that may come with this meeting. It took you a moment, but you pushed forward, grabbing the knob and turning the cold water off. “Alright, Miss.” You grabbed a towel, drying your hands thoroughly before dropping it in the bin beside the sink. “Alright.” You repeated, turning to face her, sight dimmed from the darkened corridor and the shading of your glasses. “If you’ll allow me to check in, Master Geto should be ready for you.” 

Your heart had begun to hammer in your throat, over the roaring in your ears you uttered out a weak “Okay.” As she strolled past you and pushed through the large door, just enough to peak her head and upper half of her body in. A little muffled, but you heard her speak “Master Geto, your last client is here. Are you ready for her?”If he responded, you couldn’t hear it, your own heartbeat pulsing in your ears as she turned to smile at you. 

“Master Geto is ready to see you, please, head in.” 

Here went everything, everything you had thrown away had led to this very moment. You nodded, taking one step forward, then another, until somehow your legs managed to hold out on you and carry you into the large prayer room. The door shut behind you, nearly making your feet falter as you took in the expanse of the room. It was absurdly large, mats rolled up and leaning against the wall, you assumed it was for his worshipers. The room itself was lit primarily by candle light, yet it was still bright enough to make out everything before you. 

A small flight of stairs led to a raised podium, an arm rest screwed into the ground to support Suguru as he lounged. “Welcome.” Your eyes landed on him, his fist pressed into the side of his cheek as he smiled at you. Behind him was a large altar, barren likely due to the temple being closed until the new year after tonight. “Please, dear, come up and sit before me.” His voice, smooth and melodic, just as it had always been. But this time around it carried a level of authority and hospitality that was foreign to you. 

You swore stars were starting to spot your vision, so utterly overwhelmed by his presence that you had to force air into your lungs as you climbed more godforsaken steps. “Thank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.” You choked out, doing a horrible job of hiding your genuine emotions. “Of course, I couldn’t say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.” He spoke softly, eyes roaming over your appearance. “So, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.” 

You knelt before him, praying it didn’t look awkward as your stomach nearly made it impossible to get into such a position inconspicuously. “I just… I’m not even sure what is ailing me.” You started softly, hand reaching up to adjust your absurd disguise. “I’m desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be you…” For a moment you nearly uttered Suguru, your throat felt dry as you quietly finished “...Master Geto.” You stared at him through the lenses of your sunglasses, wondering how Satoru dealt with wearing the cursed things all the damn time. 

As Suguru’s eyes roamed over you, studying you intently, you felt reality weighing on you once more. Suguru was right there, in front of you, less than two feet. It felt utterly surreal, maybe that's why you felt so disconnected from the moment. Two weeks of pure, agonizing grief over his departure only to be cut off by the realization that you were pregnant with his baby. Sure that didn’t fix your broken heart, at first it had even managed to make it worse. But it kept you busy, and has continued to keep you busy over the course of September, October, November, and now at the end of December. Yet it hadn’t been enough to bring you to your senses. 

“You seem troubled, and I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a difficult time.” he uttered softly, straightening from his lounging position as he let his arm rest to support him instead of having his fist pressed to his cheek. Everything thus far had brought you right to this moment, right back into his arms… almost. You blinked, swallowing nothing at all and nearly choking. For a split second it felt like Suguru was talking directly to you, your Suguru. Not the Geto Suguru who was the new head of the old star vessel religious group. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, hands folded neatly on your lap despite having to strain to reach it. 

“I appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?” For a foolish moment, you wondered if maybe there was some invisible curse clinging to your back and weighing you down. “I will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.” You inhaled slowly, nodding as you spoke “Thank you, but may I ask how?” it had slipped past your lips before you could stop it, a genuine question you prayed wouldn't come across as offensive. After all, it’s how you lost Satoru’s trust. “Of course you may, it’s human nature to be curious, my dear.” He started softly, a grin on his face as he moved to sit up fully, no arm rest to keep him balanced. 

“I could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.” You nodded, eyes still soaking in every inch that made up the man before you. As much as the sunglasses were annoying you, you appreciate them for allowing you to so shamelessly admire your lover. “You’re tired, aren’t you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.” He questioned you softly, watching you nod as he found a small starting point for your ailments. “Did something happen to you recently?” 

For a moment you swore you felt your heart stop beating in your chest. That question was far too loaded for you to answer, so you cleared your throat a bit, muttering a soft “yes” but not willing to go further. Suguru seemed to understand that, nodding softly. “You, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.” you watched his hands, noticing every little detail as they reached for you. “Are you alright with me taking your hands?” So soft you nearly missed it over the thundering of your heart.

 “Y-you may.” Shakily, you stuck your own hands out, feeling a bit awkward at the clamminess of them. For the first time in months, Suguru’s skin was on yours again. It brought a wave of relief you thought you would never feel again. The warmth of his hands in your own, worn and calloused but somehow perfectly soft and cared for. They encompassed yours, his grip strong but not strong enough to hurt, mindful of you. Tears welled in your eyes, throat constricting in a way that you knew meant tears were going to flow freely before you could stop them. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you, Y/N.” 

—

“Master Geto, there is a potential client on the line and she is very adamant about meeting with you on the 24th of December.” Suguru stopped reading over his paperwork, eyes glancing up at the secretary he had hired only a few weeks back. “That so?” he mused softly, tapping his pen against the polished oak of his desk. “I really didn’t want to take many people that day, considering Mimiko and Nanako…” he started with a hum, pondering it for a moment longer. “Did she say her name, her intentions, anything of interest?” He was far too tempted to flat out say no. 

“She seemed very nervous, she’s said she's not been feeling very good recently and you’ve become her last resort. She can’t keep going on like this.” The secretary repeated your urgent, mildly-overdramatic words. “Sounds dire.” Suguru spoke softly, still mulling over his thoughts. For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to utter the words "tell her no.” Instead, after a brief pause “Let her know I’ll be able to meet with her on the 24th of December, 6pm.” The secretary nodded, moving to leave once more but stopping short as Suguru called her name. “She will be the last client for this year, please let any new potential clients know that I will not be able to meet with them until after the new year.” 

She nodded quickly before departing, leaving Suguru alone again as he reached for the paperwork he set down. “What a kind heart you have, papa Geto.” Suguru hadn’t even been able to read the next sentence, laughing softly at Mimiko’s comment. The brunette girl was kicking her feet, coloring intently beside her sister on the plush rug Suguru had put in just for them. “It’s important to help people in need, you know. She seemed like she could really use it.” He smiled fondly at the two sisters, listening to Nanako hum softly as she scribbled onto the page. 

“I guess you’re right.” 

“You guess I’m right?” 

Mimiko nodded, stopping her coloring to look up at Suguru behind his desk. “Yeah, I mean you really don’t need to help anyone. But you choose to do so even when you don’t have to. You have a kind heart, papa Geto.” The small girl repeated her initial statement, smiling softly as Suguru’s expression morphed into one of genuine surprise. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, watching her small head turn back to the paper she was drawing on, starting to hum along with the tune Nanako had set. Suguru sat there, wondering how a child could think of such things. 

He saw himself as anything but kind-hearted at this point in his life. But still, he didn’t have the heart to say those things, especially not to a six year old. Suguru had barely reached for his paperwork again when your face crossed his mind, making him freeze once more. You had been a constant thought in his mind since the day he left. Not even an hour had gone by where you didn’t consume his thoughts, knocking the air from his lungs and paralyzing him for a moment. He missed you. Fuck he missed you terribly and it was enough to render him utterly immobile at points. 

Slowly, he forced air back in his lungs, your smile leaving a permanent mark engraved in his mind. He didn’t regret anything he did up until this point, well maybe except for one particular thing. He didn’t take you with him the day he left. He knew he loved you too much to force you into this kind of life, he needed it to be a choice you made out of your own free will. Something cheesy about loving someone meant setting them free when the time came had crossed his mind when leaving you that letter. Leaving it on the bed he once called his own, so long as you were in it, it was his. 

But still, the choice to leave it all up to your own free will did nothing to fill the void beside him each night. How desperately he wished you were laying beside him, curled perfectly into his embrace, face snuggled into the crook of his neck. Your natural musk mixing with your perfume, your hair tickling his hands as he held you tight, your chest rising and falling evenly as you slept. He ached to hold you again, finding it hard to fall asleep each night in your absence. But he had made this choice, he had to own it, even if that meant you weren’t a part of his life right now. 

“But he knew, deep down, that it was only temporary; you'd come back to him.”

—

He had been right, of course. He just hadn’t expected it to come so soon, as if whatever forces in the universe heard his consistent, unwavering, silent prayer. The moment those doors opened, he knew it was you. From the moment you stepped foot in the prayer room, he could feel you. His soul would never not recognize you, no matter how hard you tried to disguise yourself. He had felt it then, that shaky, stuttering breath as you walked so cautiously into the room. It had taken every ounce of his willpower to not get up and go to you. Based on your appearance, it was clear that you didn’t want to be recognized by him. 

“Welcome.” He started,  praying you wouldn’t hear the tremor in his voice as his heart pounded erratically in his chest. “Please, dear, come up and sit before me.” Carefully, he trained his emotions into neutral ease, watching you shakily make your way towards him. It was you, fuck it was really you. For a moment Suguru was certain he would pass out from the intensity of your presence. How often had he dreamt of you, how often had he silently wondered what you were doing. How often had Nanako and Mimiko listened to him blabber about you with such fondness? Probably too many times to count, bless them. 

Suguru watched you climb up the steps, your voice sending his heart into a death spiral. “Thank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.” There it was. The voice he had longed to hear for months now; your voice had always been so utterly hypnotic to him. “Of course, I couldn’t say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.” He had to wonder if he was being transparent, it was impossible to hide the sparkle in his eyes as his whole world sat down before him. “So, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.” His brow twitched as he looked you over, worry flooding his veins that you had been over exerting yourself in his absence. 

He noticed you had struggled for a moment, leaving him to ponder further. Were you hurt? Had you gone on a mission recently and injured yourself? “I just… I’m not even sure what is ailing me.” Suguru’s heart ached at the sadness in your tone, you sounded so detached as you continued. “I’m desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be you…” he noticed you hesitate for a moment, as if nearly choking on the wrong words before uttering out “Master Geto.” His family name sounded foreign coming from your mouth, a mouth he couldn't even see under the disposable face mask you adorned. There you were, kneeling before him after months of waiting, and he couldn’t even see your beautiful face. 

Suguru looked you over, eyes soaking in every inch of you despite how covered you were. “You seem troubled, and I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a difficult time.” the words nearly got caught in his throat, coming out so soft that it nearly wasn’t audible. It was almost too genuine, for a brief moment he had forgotten, speaking to you as if nothing had changed at all. He had to wonder if you heard it. All thoughts died before they were even fully formed, the prolonged silence between you being shattered as you spoke “I appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?” You sounded… defeated. 

“I will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.”

But, he could tell you didn’t seem overly satisfied with that answer. “Thank you, but may I ask how?” he couldn’t help the way his lips quirked at your question. “Of course you may, it’s human nature to be curious, my dear.” his smirk turned into something softer, a genuine smile. You hadn’t changed a bit, your blunt curiosity still shining through. “I could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.” He watched you nod, aching to know what was going on inside of your head. 

“You’re tired, aren’t you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.” He watched you, brown eyes analyzing your every movement, his heart aching as you nodded. “Did something happen to you recently?” it slipped out, he didn’t want to seem like he was prying even though he was very well aware that the “something” that happened was none other than him. Still, nothing could have prepared him for the ache in his chest as you uttered out a soft, broken “yes.” The urge to soothe you had nearly caused him to lean forward; the need to pull you into a tight, crushing hug to try and soothe your sorrows was becoming too much. 

You deserve none of the emotional turmoil he put you through. 

“You, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.” he breathed out, not knowing how else to soothe you if he couldn't touch you in the ways he desired. So, he dared to ask “Are you alright with me taking your hands?” Suguru couldn’t breathe after asking it, the idea of touching you again after months of being apart was almost too much for him to handle.  “Y-you may.” There, for a brief moment, was the Y/N he fell in love with a few years back, so outgoing but so shy the moment he tried to initiate anything. It made his heart clench, the feeling of nostalgia washing over him in waves as he reached forward. 

Your hands were trembling as he took them in his own. For a moment, Suguru’s shoulders sagged. Your warm skin pressed to his was something he had missed so dearly. No words could describe the relief he felt, your hands wrapping so gingerly around him as his grip tightened. He was afraid you would pull away, being mindful to not squeeze you too tight. Suguru couldn’t quite believe it, every word he had practiced, every speech he had thought of for when this moment arrived. None of it mattered. Not a single word was able to claw its way out of the depths of his mind. Too overwhelmed by the fact that you were before him. 

Before he could stop himself, before the moment became awkward from the long stretch of silence. Suguru uttered the only words that came to mind. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you, Y/N.” 

— 

You blinked, not that he could see it from behind the shades of your sunglasses. Still, you were stunned into silence. Your brain was struggling to catch up, processing the words Suguru had spoken two, three, four times before finally registering. “Wha–” was all you could manage, the syllables dragging out as Suguru chuckled softly. “I didn’t mean to unveil your secret before you were ready, Y/N. But no disguise you could wear would be able to conceal you from me. I’d know it was you every single time.” he swallowed, eyes shifting down to your clasped hands as if he was getting shy. “I’ve missed you so terribly… and I know I don’t have any right to say that because this is all my fault but... I’ve missed you.”

Still, you were speechless. 

“Y/N… my sweet girl… Please say something.” Suguru wasn’t going to move until you responded to him, too afraid of overstepping your boundaries. Your mouth opened and closed again, swallowing the lump in your throat as you uttered out a soft “hi.” You couldn’t think of anything else, every thought in your mind was too jumbled to truly form a proper sentence. “Hi.” he repeated back to you, the same level of adoration in his tone that you’ve always known him to have towards you. “Can I take these off?” He was already letting go of one of your hands to reach for your sunglasses as you nodded. Your heart was erratic as his fingers ghosted your temple. 

You felt it then, the tremor in his hands as he gently took the sun glasses off of you. For the first time in four months you were seeing Suguru without any barriers. “There you are.” He smiled, letting go of your other hand so he could gingerly pull the face mask off of you. You couldn’t contain it then, a smile making your lips twitch as your face was fully exposed again. “My beautiful girl.” Suguru breathed out, eyes memorizing every feature like they weren’t already burned into his memory. “My handsome boy.” your words nearly got caught in your throat, eyes watering as Suguru carefully took off your hood and revealed your hair. His smile matched yours, his lips quivering as he struggled to say anything in response. 

So much to say, but you were both in silent awe of each other. 

It dawned on you a second later that Suguru still had no idea you were carrying his baby. 

“Suguru I…” you choked a bit, reaching to hold his hand again just as he reached for yours. “I’ve missed you too, terribly.” He watched you, brows creasing a bit as his face grew solemn. “It was never my intention to hurt you like this, Y/N.” For some reason, you couldn’t muster any of the anger you figured you would feel when seeing Suguru again. “I know it wasn’t” So soft it was barely audible but Suguru clung on to every word. “But it still happened, I still hurt you. I…” he swallowed, holding your hand a little tighter. “My only regret is not taking you with me the night I left. But I couldn’t do that to you, I couldn’t force you to run away with me after what I did. I don’t regret a single action I’ve made besides that.” 

“I would have left with you, I hope you know that. Wherever you are is where I want to be.” And for a moment you swore you saw tears welling in Suguru’s eyes. “No amount of apologizing will make up for the hell I caused you.” he looked down at your clasped hands before meeting your eyes once more “But I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, if you’ll let me.” For a moment your heart ached so deeply it nearly scared you, your baby’s fluttering kicks reminded you of the hurtle you still needed to clear. “You don’t have to do that, Suguru. Keeping me by your side is all I could ever ask for… provide for me and…” You stopped, eyes closing for a moment as you breathed out a laugh. “Suguru.” He straightened at your tone change.

“Yes?” You could hear the concern lacing his words, as if you were suddenly going to say “forget it” and get up and go. Instead you steadied yourself “There is something very important you need to be aware of. It’s something I realized only two weeks after you left me and…” you didn’t like how bitter the words left me felt coming off your tongue. You had no reason to harbor any concern over the standing of your relationship, it was evident that neither of you considered yourself broken up from the other. “Go on, I’m listening.” He encouraged you, faced settling  into a look of concern because he wasn’t sure where you were taking this. “Suguru, I wish I could have told you sooner.” You let go of his hands, smiling he held them a little tighter. 

“I’m just standing up, Sugu.” You reassured him, heart fluttering as he gave you a sheepish smile. Suguru lets you go, watching you struggle to stand for only a second before leaping in to help you up. “Did you get hurt trying to come here?” he questioned, something so concerned and innocent that it almost made you laugh. He truly had no idea, you had to pat yourself on the back you supposed. Your disguise had worked out well enough in that sense. “No, no nothing like that, Sugu.” You smiled as you straightened, watching him take a tentative step backwards. “I really wish I could have told you sooner, but it’s better late than never.” Your fingers shook as you reached for the zipper of your oversized hoodie, dragging the cool metal down and shouldering the material off as your pregnant belly was revealed to Suguru’s eyes. 

You watched his face morph from concern to shock. “I’m almost twenty five weeks along, Sugu.” You let the hoodie fall to the floor, leaving you in a long sleeve shirt that was clinging to the swell of your stomach. “You may have left, but you didn’t really leave me alone.” You pulled your eyes away from his face to look down at your bump, hands lovingly caressing it. “I don’t know their gender, I didn’t want to find out unless you were with me.” You didn’t mind his silence, you knew it was likely a very overwhelming piece of information to learn. Suguru didn’t have the ability to speak anymore, instead he opted to close the distance between the two of you. With hesitant curiosity, Suguru’s large warm hands came down to cup your stomach. 

“You’re pregnant.” He uttered the obvious, as if trying to confirm he wasn’t dreaming. “You’re pregnant with my baby.” He said again, this time his tone was a little more possessive. You nodded, hands coming down to lay on top of where his hands sat. “Been carrying our baby this whole time, Sugu.” You heard him hum in acknowledgment, eyes full of wonder as your baby kicked. “They’re happy to finally hear their daddy’s voice.” You whispered, looking up at him through your lashes as he met your gaze. “I love you, with my whole being I love you.” you could hear it in his voice, nothing put pure love and adoration for you and your unborn child. “I’m so sorry you had to find out after I left…” He added softly, heart aching at the very thought. 

“I had Satoru and Shoko… they didn’t really make up for you not being present, Suguru. But they tried their damn hardest and I’ll forever be grateful for that.” He nodded, thumb gingerly brushing the skin below his hand. “Do they know you’re here?” He questioned you, eyes falling back to your stomach. It was almost too surreal to believe. Not only were you in front of him again, but you were very pregnant with his baby. “I left them letters. They have no idea I’m gone and they likely won’t know for a few more hours. I don’t have any intentions of going back.” You let the words hang in the air, you were certain Suguru wouldn't expect you to turn around and leave once this night was through. That didn’t stop the butterflies swirling in your chest out of anxiety anyways. “I have no intention of letting you go.” 

You couldn’t think in that moment, body pushing up on your tiptoes as if no time had passed at all. Your stomach hindered you a bit, pressing snuggly to Suguru’s front as your hands cupped his cheeks. Suguru caught on, of course, bending down and guiding you to him as your lips met in a soft kiss. You felt it then, the same tears burning your eyes as they shut tightly. Melting into Suguru’s lips felt like home, slowly piecing back the pieces he shattered to make you feel whole again. You could tell he wanted to deepen it, devour you whole in that moment so you’d never go. Instead, he pulled away with flushed cheeks that mirrored your own, pupils blown wide as he observed you. “I love you.” He repeated, looking at your lips as you replied back 

“I love you too.” 

Suguru kissed you again, cupping your face just  as you cupped his, holding you in place and bending down further so you didn’t have to strain so hard to meet him. The tears you had tried to whole back were flowing freely at this point, mixing with the kiss as it turned slightly sloppy. It took you only a minute to pull away again, eyes wet as you gasped for air. “S-sorry the pregnancy hormones they—“ but Suguru hushed you, using his thumb to wipe away the tears as they fell. “You have nothing to apologize for, my sweet girl.” He kissed your forehead, pulling back as he guided you away from the edge of the platform and closer to the barren altar behind him. “There are not enough words in the universe for me to convey how sorry I am for everything I’ve put you through. I’ve said it already, but so long as I am alive, so long as you are willing, I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.” 

“Keep me by your side, Suguru. That is all I ask of you.” You sniffled, tears flowing even faster as you restated your earlier request. Tenderly, Suguru brought your knuckles to his lips and kissed each one softly. “I will do more than that, my love. You will never have to work another day in your life, you will know nothing but love and comfort.” He promised as he flipped your hand over and placed a kiss on the center of your palm. “You, me, Nanako, Mimiko, our baby… our future babies.” He added with a small grin, causing  you to laugh softly through your tears. “The five of us, and whoever else may join us in the future. I will keep you safe, happy, loved.” He promised as he kissed your wrist, feeling your pulse race under his lips. 

You nodded, using your free hands to wipe your face as Suguru’s lips trailed further. You felt a shiver pass through your body as Suguru’s lips made their way up your arm. “I’ve missed you.” he repeated, tone huskier than before as he placed a kiss on your bicep. “So many nights alone…” he placed another kiss but this time it was on your shoulder. “I’ve been dreaming of you…” This time his head was dipping to nuzzle into the crook of your neck, inhaling the smell of you and groaning. “I missed you.” he murmured again, lips pressing to the pulse point in your neck as he let himself get wrapped in the scent of you. The scent he had missed so desperately. You felt it then, something you hadn’t felt in months. The bubbling heat pools in your gut, spreading throughout your body as Suguru’s tongue licks up your neck. Arousal. 

“S-Suguru please…” Your hand found its way into his hair, holding him in place as both of his hands wrapped around your waist. “Please what?” he murmured, teeth scraping your neck as he moved his head up towards your jaw. “Please… make me yours again.” He groaned, so low you could feel it vibrate against your jaw as he kissed it slowly. There was a tremor in his hands as he held you tighter, pulling you closer until the swell of your stomach was pressing tightly to his. “You’ve always been mine, my beautiful girl.” He promised you as he moved to kiss your lips again, the kiss was gentle but sloppy, your fingers twitching as you buried them in the fine silks of his robes. You gave in, body melting into his familiar touch as you let his tongue slip past your lips letting him dominate it, just as you always had. 

The feeling of his tongue sliding against your own drew whines from your lips, clinging on to Suguru just a little tighter as he began to guide you. The steps were awkward, drawing a breathy laugh from Suguru as he pulled away from you. “This will be a lot easier.” He assured you before bending down a bit to haul you up into his arms. You couldn’t help but squeal, surprised he was able to pick you up so easily even with the extra weight of your baby. “Suguru!” You cling to him, curious about his intentions as he moves to sit you on top of the bare altar. “Isn’t this a bit…” but he shook his head “don’t worry about it.” He placed you on top of the smooth wooden altar with a grin, making it so you were equal height now. 

“It’s a special Christmas offering.” 

He offered you as your brows were still creased in concern. “Suguru!” You squealed after, face feeling hot as his hands landed on your thighs, squeezing the flesh and making you shiver as his lips found yours yet again. “I’m taking my time with you.” He muttered between quick kisses, lips shiny with your saliva as your breath mingled. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.” You encouraged him, heart doing backflips at the idea of Suguru having his way with you again. You knew you missed him, of course you knew that, but sex hadn’t even been on your mind lately. Now, in this moment, you realized how badly you ached to be touched again, loved again.

Suguru left out a breathy moan, head falling forward for a moment before looking up to hold your gaze. “Have I mentioned just how badly I’ve missed you?” he teased, watching your lips quirk up as you tried to wiggle closer to him from where you sat on the altar. “I think you may have mentioned it once or twice so far…” You grinned, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer since you weren’t getting anywhere fast. “But that's enough with the talking, Sugu.” You moved so your lips were ghosting his ear, whispering seductively “Show me how badly you missed me.” He shivered, only fueling your desire as you got a little more bold. “Show me how badly you missed my body.” Suguru’s knees nearly buckled, you were too good to be true. 

Suguru took your request to heart, not wasting another moment by talking. His fingers easily found the hem of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head with your assistance. He couldn't help it, taking a small step back just so he could admire how you looked with your stomach swollen, carrying his baby so prettily. You felt your heart beating, chest rising and falling just a little faster than usual as the anticipation in your gut built. The warm amber of his eyes seemed to be swallowed whole by his dilated pupils, throat feeling dry as his eyes trailed up to your breasts. “These swelled up, didn’t they?” He asked in a teasing tone, mouth watering at the sight of your engorged breasts spilling over the top of your bra. “S-suguru.” 

“Well, they have, pretty girl. They’ll be full of milk soon enough, to nurture our little baby.” You couldn’t breathe, the overwhelming need for him to touch you nearly dizzying. “They’ve been so sore.” You offer quietly, looking at him through your lashes just to see his lips part. He seemed utterly entranced, warm hands sneaking around the back of you to find the clip of your bra. “Well, we can’t have that now, can we? Let me make them feel better, my love.” You nodded, feeling no shame or embarrassment as your bare breasts were exposed to his hungry gaze. Suguru had seen you naked so many times over the course of your relationship. Even with the rather extreme changes your body was going through, you still felt gorgeous when he looked at you the way he was now. “So pretty… they look so heavy… let me.” He breathed out carefully. 

You could feel the air getting caught in your lungs as Suguru’s hands gingerly cupped both of your breasts. The noise you made couldn’t be helped, lips wobbling as you whimpered at the sensation. “Oh? Are they more sensitive?” Suguru teased you, shamelessly fondling your breasts just to see you squirm. You nodded, one hand gripping the edge of the altar to balance you while your other hand shot up to grab his wrist. “Please, Sugu, they're really sensitive.” You whined, heat throbbing between your legs as he moved to pinch your nipple. “Even more sensitive than before?” He murmured, eyes focused only on your face as he rolled one of your perked buds slowly. “Y-Yes!” your back arched, forcing your bump to press into Suguru. “That’s good to know, pretty girl.” He squeezed just a little harder, smirking as you cried out. 

“So mean to me…” you wailed, as if nothing had changed at all. Suguru hushed you with a kiss, lips slotting against yours sloppily as he toyed with your breasts. You felt dizzy, completely intoxicated by the feeling of Suguru’s hands on you. You wanted him bad, needing to feel his skin rather than his robes. “Suguru…” you pulled away, trying to catch your breath as you uttered “Take your clothes off, please I don’t want to prolong this part.” He could take as much time with you as he wanted, but you were certain you would lose your mind if you didn’t see and feel his skin. “Whatever my lady wants, my lady gets.” He kissed you again before backing away. You sat on top of the altar, watching intently as Suguru undid the mildly-intricate layers to his robes. 

“C’mere” you murmured as Suguru was left in nothing but a pair of flowing navy colored pants. The material matched the robes, hugging his waist tightly and accentuating how broad he was. You hadn’t forgotten how he looked, but the last time you saw Suguru in person, he had thinned. Now, he was broad, covered in muscles, tanned even in the winter. It was the Suguru you had known before the world had changed his views. He walked towards you, a sense of pride in his steps as he displayed his new physique to you. “My handsome boy.” You murmured again, hands making contact with his soft skin and feeling him release a shuddering breath in response. 

Your touch never got old, every single time it felt like it was the first time you were laying your hands on him. You were mindful of where you put your hands, letting them dance across the plains of his chest before moving to his biceps. Suguru watched your hands move with baited breath, goosebumps erupting in their wake as your fingers moved lower. He couldn’t suppress the shiver that passed through him as your hands left his arms and moved to run along his sides. You were always so unpredictable with your actions, maybe that was why you were so elusive to just about everyone you met. Even when he thought he knew you like the back of his hand, you still managed to catch him by surprise. He could never get enough of it. 

Your hands rested on his waist for a moment, leaning forward to the best of your abilities to place a chaste kiss on his chest. One kiss led to two, then three. Before he could even utter a word, you were littering his chest and neck in soft, sweet kisses. There was no hiding his arousal, even in the loose fitting pants of his daily attire, Suguru’s cock was straining heavily against his briefs. “Y/N…” it sounded awfully similar to a plea, making his cheeks flush pink at the sound. You looked up at him, placing one last kiss on his sternum before moving back. Your hands left his waist, but not before trailing all the way up his sides and slowly sneaking around his neck. “Suguru.” you finally stated once you were pleased with your actions. 

“It’s my job to please you, you know. I don’t deserve any of this.” but you shook your head, hushing him softly. “Suguru, I love you with every fiber of my being. I have missed you for the nearly five months you have been away from me. I am going to shower you in the love I have been holding onto for all this time. Don’t you dare let your guilt taint the way you feel about me giving you my love.” You could tell he was struggling, after a moment of silence he nodded. It was a reluctant nod at that, but you knew it would take time for Suguru to overcome the weight of his guilt for leaving you in the first place. That was a battle for another day. 

What mattered was this moment. “Kiss me, please.” His request was so gentle, you couldn’t say no to him if you wanted to. Arms still wrapped around his neck, you pulled him to you and crashed your lips together once more in a heated kiss. Your body seemed to thrum with desire, every nerve ending sparking with electricity as the anticipation of what was to come built. You craved him like you craved air, so much so that if you were ever to go without him again you were certain you would not survive. Suguru’s hands lost their heistance once more, dull nails dragging up your back and causing you to arch into him. 

You couldn’t pull away, not when one of his hands found their home on the back of your neck. He kept you in place while his other hand snuck around from your back and found its way to your breasts once more. Your lips part easily, a cry ripping from your throat as Suguru’s fingers pinch one of your sensitive buds. He took the opportunity before him once more, tongue dancing around yours as he pulled and massaged the tender flesh of your swollen breasts. You squirmed on top of the altar, feeling your arousal clinging to your underwear as you moved. It only caused you to feel hotter, the deep rooted desire to feel him inside of you once more was becoming too much for you to bear in that moment. 

Your legs spread to accommodate him better, scooting yourself forward so your covered sex was pressing to Suguru’s abdomen. He could feel the heat radiating through your bottoms, making his head spin with the desire to feel your cunt once more. “Fuck I missed you.” He nearly hissed as he pulled away from you with spit covered lips, swollen from where your teeth had been pulling at them. “Show me how bad.” You slurred, eyes lidded as you tried pulling him back to you. Suguru doesn’t hesitate anymore, letting you bend him to your whim. His lips find their home on yours once again, teeth and tongue clashing together as your hands wander his body. 

Suguru’s teeth are sinking into your bottom lip, pulling at the pliant flesh and trying his hardest not to smirk as you whimper at the sting. His hands are mimicking your own, gliding over every ounce of bare skin he can reach, dull nails scraping until he feels you erupt in goosebumps. He pulls away again, leaving your head spinning from the constant changing contact. Before you can even open your mouth and complain, Suguru’s head is burying itself in your neck. He knew your weak points like the back of his hand, teeth scraping against the column of your neck before finding the perfect point to bite down. A shrill moan left your lips, no longer muffled by Suguru’s lips on your own. His canines were creating the perfect amount of pressure, sending your heart into a frenzy as if you were preparing for him to pierce your skin.

Suguru eased up a moment later, his hand slipping down between your bodies to press his fingers against your covered cunt. The sensation sends sparks of arousal through you, making your thighs twitch as he lapped greedily at the teeth indents he left behind. “Mine…” he gasped between licks “all mine.” Your mind blanked the moment his fingers found their way to your nipple again, twisting and pinching the sensitive bud until you felt tears burning your eyes. “Sugu, please!” You tried to jerk away, fingers threading in his silky locks as you tried to create some sort of relief for yourself. Everything was too sensitive, the ache forming so deeply within your body that you were certain you would lose your mind before he made you cum. 

“Please what?” He rasped, sucking at your skin until it bruised. “Fuck me.” You begged, tears pricking your pretty eyes and driving him absolutely wild. “Fuck you?” Suguru smirked, tugging your nipple until those pretty eyes shed the tears you were holding back. “Fuck me… oh fuck please, Suguru.” Your tone turned whiny, higher than usual as desperation won over your pride. You’d get off this altar and beg him on your hands and knees if you had to. Even if it would be a bit of a struggle with your rather round stomach.  “How am I supposed to say no to that?” he soothed you, hands abandoning  your breasts to cup your cheeks. He kissed you again, this time it was softer, with the intent to take his time even if it killed you. 

You felt drunk, chasing his lips even as he pulled away. Shakily, Suguru’s hands moved down your body, holding your hips as his head lowered to trail wet kisses down your neck. You caught on to his intentions as he moved lower, kissing your collarbone before moving to your chest. Suguru’s tongue ran along your sternum, pulling a whimper from you as he placed not one but two loving kisses on your sensitive breasts. “You’re so perfect.” He smiled up at you, lips hovering over the swell of your stomach. “Such a good mama already.” So gentle it nearly made you cry, that sadistic side of him fading quickly with the overwhelming desire to please you took over his original intentions. Months apart didn’t allow for him to tease you in the way he once did. Not now at least. 

“So beautiful.” He added one last time before kissing your stomach. He showered your pregnant tummy in kisses, nose nuzzling you softly as your baby’s fluttering kicks reached him. You felt your face burning up as Suguru moved lower, as if he hadn’t been all over you for the last few years of your life. “I missed this cunt…” he mewled softly as he lowered to his knees before you. “Dreamt of it every time I got lonely…” he huffed out a laugh “which was very often.” His fingers were hooking into the waistband of your pants, eyes meeting yours as if to confirm one last time that this is what you wanted. You nodded, lips parted as quiet gasps shook you. “Take me, Suguru. I’m all yours, always have been.” His eyes fluttered closed, inhaling deeply to try and ground himself before he lost all self restraint he had. “Whatever you want, you’ll get.” 

You lift yourself awkwardly, giving Suguru enough room to pull your pants and underwear off in one easy swoop. You grimaced slightly as your bare skin met the smooth wood of the altar, it still felt rather wrong, but now wasn’t really a time to be questioning your morals. Suguru was shameless as he admired what he had been missing so dearly, not even his wildest fantasies could compare to you. “Fuck.” So soft you barely heard it, but still enough to have your thighs twitching as you spread them further for him. Your hands met the smooth wood behind you, leaning back to get comfortable and push most of your weight on your hands and arms so Suguru could access you better. “May I?” His breath was hot on your inner thigh, nearly panting. “Of course you may, is that even a question, Suguru?” 

“I guess it’s not, but I just want to make sure.” He didn’t give you a moment to respond, lips pressing to the plush of your inner thigh and sucking softly. You felt your lips tremble, eyes nearly tunneling as you focused on the top of his head over your baby bump. Suguru sucked bruises into your skin, inhaling your natural musk as he did so. One hand rested on your thigh, thumb brushing the skin beneath him tenderly as his other hand sank lower. Suguru groaned, vibrating your skin as his own hand brushed over his covered cock. Your heart was beating erratically, waiting not-so patiently for Suguru to do what he really wanted. Which was to devour you whole, but still, ever the patient man, he was taking his time. “Suguru…” you breathed out, hips moving forward just a bit to silently encourage him to cut the teasing. 

He didn’t answer you, nose trailing along your inner thigh as he palmed himself through his pants. He was savoring every second of you being before him again, so much so that he couldn’t help but take his sweet time with this part. Though, his self control could only be stretched so far before he, too, couldn’t take it. Your hands nearly balled into fists as he retracted, a moment later his warm  breath was fanning over your glistening cunt. “Thank you for this blessing.” He offered slowly, dragging each syllable out until you felt its message vibrating the base of your skull. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of torture, Suguru placed an open mouth kiss on your slick folds. One kiss led to two,  three, four, then his tongue was slipping between and running along your slit. You moaned, loud and unashamed as Suguru collected your juices on his tongue. 

One hand was still groping himself, alleviating some of the ache but not nearly enough to satisfy him. His other hand was now squeezing your thigh rather than gingerly rubbing it. He had missed your taste, fuck had he missed your taste over these months apart. Your arousal was sticky, its flavor unique and utterly addicting. He could do this for hours if it meant tasting every drop of your cum. Your head was falling back, your thighs no longer twitching and tense. Rather,  they fell apart with no resistance, leaving your cunt completely at his mercy. Suguru’s tongue was still gliding up and down your slit, stopping at your clit every few passes to flick at it, feeling your muscles jump under his ministrations before moving down towards your entrance. This was just another game of him teasing you until you were making a mess atop the altar without even coming. 

“Suguru…” you choked out, the arousal in your body thrumming with the need to be satisfied not tortured. Maybe he could hear that desperation in your tone, his nose bumping your pulsing clit as he pushed his tongue past your entrance. “Oh fuck.” You mewled, eyes nearly rolling back from the pure sensitivity. You hadn’t realized how reactive pregnancy would make you. Even the slightest of touches had your toes curling. It had always felt good, Suguru’s tongue had always managed to work unspeakable wonders on you. But now? It felt as if everything had been amplified, your lips trembling as the faintest signs of your impending orgasm began creeping up on you. Suguru was mindful of his position, using his nose to his advantage as he began to tongue fuck your cunt. “P-please… oh fuck…” your arms were feeling weak, causing  you to adjust you your elbows in order to not fall flat. 

Suguru’s tongue buried as deep as he could manage, using his nose to nuzzle your clit until your pants had turned to rapid gasps. If he wasn’t so preoccupied, he’d tease you for how sensitive you had become. It seemed every little action he made was causing your hips to jerk, a shrill cry leaving your pretty lips as he toyed with your cunt. Feeling you twitching beneath him, Suguru pulled his tongue  away from your entrance to focus on your clit. His nose could only do so much, after all. You couldn’t take it, the dizzying  feeling of Suguru’s lips wrapping around your aching clit and sucking so harshly your back arched. Pleasure shot straight through you, making your thighs tense as you clenched around nothing. He was going to make you cum in record time at this rate. That realization had you burning up, eyes squeezing shut as you tried not to scream his name for the whole temple to hear. 

Though that didn’t really help you much, loud and unrestrainable cries left your lips amidst a jumble of pleas. Suguru’s name was intertwined into every profanity, begging him to let you cum. Suguru’s hand left your thigh, instead shooting up to dip two fingers between your drenched folds. You sucked him in greedily, your cries only turning shriller as he began roughly massaging your walls. Tears leaked down your cheeks in fat globs as you clenched around him, causing his fingers to stutter their pace in the process. Not that you noticed, your vision was already spotting with stars as your orgasm grew nearer. “S-Suguru fuck… I’m gonna cum… you’re gonna make me cum Sugu… please… fuck please let me.” You were drunk off of your own lust, eyes lidded as you pleaded with him in nearly incomprehensible babbles. 

He responded by curling his fingers, digging into your walls just right. His tongue was still flicking over your clit, the varying sensations were making your head spin. “Sugu please…” You cried again, walls clamping around his digits so tightly he struggled to thrust them at all. He moved even faster, how that was possible you didn’t know, but stars were sparkling across your vision as you came hard. That didn’t cause him to slow down, actually it was quite the opposite. Suguru continued to fuck his fingers into you at a rapid pace, moaning wantonly as your slick squelches only turned louder in volume. Your orgasm had reached its peak but it wasn’t slowing, your wails turning into silent gasps as Suguru began to overstimulate you. It wasn’t until he finally pulled his lips away from your cunt that your body relaxed. 

“Good girl… such a good girl.” Suguru murmured, eyes memorizing the sight of two of his fingers disappearing inside of your glistening cunt. You couldn’t form a coherent sentence if you wanted to at that moment, arms feeling shaky as you tried to keep yourself propped up. Suguru caught on after another few seconds, pushing up from his kneeling position to stand before you again. You watched him stick the two digits in his mouth, sucking them clean before speaking again. “Don’t tell me you’re already worn out, my love.” He smiled at you, chin and lips covered in your shiny cum. You shook your head slowly, despite clearly wanting to utter a weak “yes”. Suguru’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a sitting position so he could kiss you properly. You let him do as he pleased, just like you always did, letting his lips sloppily cover yours so you could taste your own release. After a minute, he pulled away with reddened cheeks. 

“Fucking you… it…” he stuttered a bit, suddenly turning shy as he tried to figure out how to word his question. “It won’t harm the baby… will it?” You felt your eyes widen, lips twitching into a smile as you shook your head. “Sex while pregnant is actually very safe, Sugu.” You assured him, not at all ashamed in the research you had done on the matter only a few weeks back. “Positive? It won’t harm you or the baby?” He asked for your reassurance despite having his fingers buried in your cunt moments prior. Not that his fingers were anything in comparison to his cock. “I’m positive, no harm can be brought to me or the baby during the act… You’ll just have to be easier on me, Sugu… I’ve gotten a lot more sensitive.” You felt your cheeks heating up, regardless of everything you’d just gone through. “Alright…” he kissed you again, softer, before pulling away.

You watched him with lidded eyes, a ghost of a smile on your swollen lips as Suguru began undoing the waistband of his pants. You were focused on the way his veins seemed to jump out as he undid the buttons, the sight making your jaw clench. Inch by inch, tanned and toned skin was revealed to your hungry gaze. Suguru was trying to hide his excitement as his cock was freed from the confines of his pants. You whined at the sight, even your fantasies did nothing to compare to the real thing. For a moment you nearly groaned about how much you had missed him. You managed to hold it in, not willing to subject yourself to his endless teasing, at least not right now. Right now, what you wanted was “Please… you’re taking way too long, Suguru. I want you so bad…” You were repositioning yourself the way you had been when he went down on you, this time forcing your legs up to rest your feet on the edge of the altar. 

A position that you typically didn’t have to think much about was now causing you some difficulty, but you could push that aside if it meant he’d move a little faster. Suguru stepped out of his bottoms and discarded them off to the side with the rest of your crumbled up clothes. “Old habits die hard, you know. I can’t help but draw things out, my pretty girl.” He closed the distance again, hands resting on your knees and unintentionally alleviating the pressure with his support. “I know, but I want you so bad… I want you inside of me, Sugu.” He was twitching, precum leaking steadily from his irritated looking tip. “Fuck… okay… okay…” one hand left your knee to wrap around the base of his neglected cock. Carefully, he gave himself a few harsh tugs, groaning as mild relief flooded his veins. You wanted to grumble about how you couldn’t see him over the swell of your stomach, especially since he knew how much you enjoyed watching him. 

“May I?” Suguru asked, eyes meeting yours but you tilted your head. “Words, Sugu… I can’t exactly see down there right now…” You held in a giggle as his lips parted before closing again, rosy cheeks deepening as he realized his fatal mistake. “Oh.” laughter was laced with those two words, causing you to smile back. “May I use your cum as lube?” Suguru spoke slowly, smirking at you as your small smile turned into a look of surprise. “I-Oh… fuck.” You choked, the back of your hand pressing to your mouth for a moment before you squeaked out a “yeah.” Suguru moved a second later, guiding the dull head of his cock between your folds and spreading them. You breathed out, low and stuttering as his head passed over your still sensitive clit. He repeated the motions a few times, watching you jump as he’d get caught on your entrance before moving up again. Suguru only stopped once he couldn’t tell what was covering him more, his own pre-cum or your arousal. 

His fist began dragging up his length, spreading it until he felt it was good enough for your comfort. “Lay back… if you can.” Suguru’s tone had turned soft, yet again giving you whiplash from the constantly revolving tones and emotions. You nodded, pushing yourself further up the wooden altar. You weren’t quite sure what Suguru had in mind at that moment, watching you get yourself situated so your whole body was on top of the platform. You leaned back, resting your body weight on your elbows but stopping when you felt your body begin to strain. “Kinda hurts…” you mumbled, cheeks feeling warm as you tried to find a comfortable position with your swollen belly. “I bet it’s too much pressure to be on your hands and knees, right?” His eyes had softened, admiring you with a small smile as he watched you nod. “Would it be easier if you had support under your back?” Your brows creased, contemplating for a moment before nodding. 

“It wouldn’t hurt to try.” Again, you didn’t quite know how Suguru was going to go about helping you with that. But he was walking away from you, over to his discarded silk robes, and you felt your face burning up with the realization as he began to fold them. “These are soft, if I place them under your back it should offer you some comfort.” he grinned as he walked back towards you on the altar, the fine robes folded in a neat pile. “Sugu… what if we get them…” but he shook his head, helping you sit up again so he could place them behind you. “If they get dirty, they can be cleaned. I have a few backups of these, you know.” You shook your head, fighting off your laugh as he motioned for you to try and lay back again. “How is that?” Suguru watched you carefully as you tried to get comfortable. “If it doesn’t help, I can figure something else out.” You had to avert your gaze for a moment, eyes lingering on his leaking cock before meeting his eyes.

“I doubt you’ll be able to think straight for much longer, Suguru.” 

His eyes widened, cheeks flushing red as he was rendered speechless by your comment. “This feels fine, Suguru. Just get up here with me.” You were leaning back on your elbows again, this time to watch him climb up on top of the altar with you, opposed for comfort purposes. “Show me how much you missed me, Sugu.” He couldn’t help himself any longer, moving to climb on top of you as you leaned back completely. It certainly wasn’t the most comfortable position or location you had been fucked in, but it would do. Especially when he was right there in front of you again. Nothing else mattered but him. “Fuck I love you.” he nearly choked as he pressed his lips to yours, hands bracing himself by flattening on either side of your head. Your legs fell open easily, allowing him to press up against you as you locked your ankles behind the small of his back. Your hands found their home on his biceps again, the warmth of your bodies pressing to one another was as dizzing as the kiss. “You good?” he rasped as he pulled back. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You assured him, knowing he was worried about putting any weight on you. “I’m a little sensitive but I’m not fragile, Sugu.” You would say anything at this point if it meant he’d get inside of you quicker. “Please just… tell me if something isn’t right.” You could feel his hips grinding up against you, cock sliding along your cunt but not going further. “I will… fuck I promise I will but Suguru please… I need you inside… so bad…” you whined, losing sense of your own rationality again as he teased you unknowingly. “Okay…okay…” desperation was lacing his own words, one hand moving down to wrap around his shaft and guide his cock to your entrance. “It’s been a while, I’ll try to go slow.” You grumble out some sort of response, too worked up to care as his head pushes between your folds. Suguru feels your breathing stutter as he slips in, your cunt stretching to accommodate him. It didn’t hurt, but you could feel the pressure ebbing its way down to your thighs, inhaling deeply as you tried to relax. 

Suguru was focused, leaning back a little bit so he could watch himself disappear inside of you. “Almost half way, sweet girl.” you whined out an “okay”,  eyes looking past him to the ceiling of the temple above you before moving back down to the top of his head. It felt like you needed to keep making sure this was real, that he was really in front of you, nevermind inside. Your walls were suctioning to him, clenching involuntarily as he finally bottomed out after what felt like an eternity. “There we go… oh fuck…” your face was contorted in pleasure, watching Suguru fall apart from simply entering you was more than you could handle. “Fuck I missed you… I almost forgot how good you feel… shit.” He couldn’t move yet, even though his hips were restless. Suguru was certain if he moved, he would cum then and there. He wasn’t even sure how he had managed to keep it together while entering you, cock twitching so harshly he was certain he would have blown his load half way in. “Suguru…” 

His name was one of the few words you could remember at that point, the most your brain was willing to offer as it melted into a puddle of mush. “I’m right here.” he cooed, leaning down again to press his lips to yours once, twice, three times before showering the rest of your face in chaste reassuring kisses. “You’re doing so good for me, sweet girl. Taking me so well after so many months… you’re so perfect… so fucking perfect.” he breathed, forehead pressing against yours as his body contorted around the swell of your stomach. “Just tell me when I can move, okay?” he had gotten himself together somehow, now all he wanted was to hear you tell him it was okay. You nodded, inhaling deeply before uttering out “okay… you can move… just start slow.” Suguru let out a shuddering breath, kissing you one last time before he drew his hips back halfway. 

Suguru had always relied on harsh, quick snaps of his hips for you, knowing you enjoyed things rather rough. The request to be easy, start slow, be gentle with you, it was a change of pace he hadn't been prepared for. You whined for him, finding pleasure even as he rolled his hips into you to try and find a pace that felt good for him. Your cunt hadn’t changed, still warm and tight, squeezing him to the point it was nearly hard to move. “A-are you okay?” breathless “You’re so tight… it’s not uncomfortable for you, right?” You nodded, face warming as you tried to find the right words. “I-i’m okay it feels really good… just… sensitive…” you moaned as he rolled a little deeper, brushing that one particular spot. You clenched, somehow growing even tighter and causing Suguru to groan loudly. “Y-you’re doing so good, Suguru…” His eyes opened, meeting your gaze to make sure you weren’t just saying it to appease him. 

“I mean it.” you added, lips falling open as another breathy whine left you. Suguru’s hips continued to roll into you at an agonizing pace, sending shivers straight down your spine as molten pleasure settled in your gut. “Y-you can speed up when you’re ready too…” It was your not so subtle way of showing your impatience, earning a low chuckle from Suguru as he rolled his hips at a faster pace. Your whines only grew in pitch, words of encouragement falling from your lips as Suguru worked towards a pace where he’d be able to thrust into you without overwhelming you. “I missed this cunt so bad…” he choked out, eyes lidded and mouth hanging open partially as he let himself get lost in the embrace of your body. “So fucking soft…” he coudln’t get over it, the way your velvety soft walls clung to his cock with each movement. 

It wasn’t until his hips began to snap into you, watching your breasts bounce with each connection of your hips that Suguru realized how close he was to coming. 

“Oh fuck…” he choked, face heating up as his hips stuttered in their pace. “Is something wrong?” you nearly cried out, eyes welling from pleasure as you looked at him. “I-Shit.” he gasped, hips unable to stop their movement. “Gonna… fuck I’m gonna cum.” he got it out finally, head falling foreward because of embarrassment. He hadn’t had this issue since the first time you two slept together, back then it was from pure inexperience. Now, it was because he’d gone too long without you. “O-oh…” you gasped out, back arching near painfully as he passed over that one particular spongy spot again. “...s’okay if you cum…Sugu… I don’t mind… ha…”  You were close again yourself, pregnancy causing you to become more sensitive than you thought possible. You couldn’t recall a time where you had cum without any other stimulation to pair with Suguru thrusting into you. “I-are you sure…” his head lifted, face completely red as he tried to concentrate on not making an absolute fool of himself. 

“J-just because you come it doesn’t mean you have to pull out.” you added weakly, accidentally clenching around him and causing you both to moan in unison. “G-give me your all, Suguru.” Your plea was enough to have him curling into you, head resting on your chest as his hips stuttered into your cunt. You couldn’t decipher what he was saying as he came, the words sounding like nothing more than mumbled nonsense. It was only when your own breathing settled that you realized what he was saying. “Thank you… thank you… thank you…” Over and over, quiet praises, thanking you again and again. Shakily your hand came up to run through his sweaty hair, your other hand resting on his bicep. “I’ve got you…” you added softly as you felt wet tears littering your chest. How odd it felt to see a grown man fall apart in every sense of the word. Suguru relaxed on top of the altar, slowly pulling himself back together as he looked at you. “I love you.” he uttered with pure adoration in his eyes. 

“I love you too.” You whispered back, hand slipping from his hair to his cheek, cupping it. “You’re so pretty, Sugu.” you smiled as his eyes closed again, nuzzling into your palm. “So are you… ya know.” he cleared his throat a bit, hips still buried deep. “I’m…” he laughed a bit. “I’m still hard.” You laughed with him, a bit worn out already “I know, I can feel it.” Your hips wiggled, Suguru watched as your face contorted in pleasure as you pushed him further into that one particular spot that had you seeing stars. “You still need to come, pretty girl.” he was regaining his composure with each passing second. “You’ve already made me come once.” But you knew he was having none of that, five months apart did not equate to one orgasm. “We both need to get off still.” he corrected, watching that pretty smile take over your features as your hands moved to wrap around his neck. “Alright, if you still have the energy…” You teased him softly, pulling him closer to ghost your lips across one another. “Make me yours, again and again.” 

“Always.” he kissed you, softer than any kiss you had shared that night. Slowly he found his rhythm for a second time, hips drawing back and forth into your spent cunt. Everything was hotter, wetter, thanks to Suguru’s release. Every moan was swallowed by his lips, tongues dancing around each other as Suguru’s hand slipped down between your bodies. Even with your pregnant stomach, even with the position you were in, he still managed to sneak his fingers down to your clit, rubbing it harshly until you were nearly yelling. Your body reacted to every touch, your orgasm building again, this time much faster than before. “Oh-oh fuck…” you were babbling again, fingers clawing at Suguru’s arms as your cunt clenched tightly around him. Saliva was smeared across your swollen lips, Suguru broke the kiss just to hear your noises properly. “Come for me… fuck I know you’re close… come for me…” Suguru pleaded with you, hips growing sloppy again from his own sensitivity. You let out another loud cry of his name before spilling all over him, cunt clenching tightly as a warm gush of your own arousal dripped down to the altar below you. That was enough for Suguru, a string of curses flooding his mouth. 

Still sensitive from his first orgasm, Suguru seemed to feed off the aftershocks by spilling into you a second time. You both laid there for a moment, panting heavily in the large, echoing chambers that surrounded you. “Merry Christmas.” You offered weakly, a hint of laughter coating your words as Suguru’s head fell to your chest with a breathless laugh. “Best christmas gifts I could have ever received, ya know.” He looked up at you, cheeks still a bit flushed as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I know it’s still a lot to process… but you’ve got a home with me if you’re willing to take it… I know I said I wouldn’t let you go but…” Still hesitant, you smiled softly at him, hand cupping his sweat cheek as you soothed his worries. “My home is with you, Suguru. From now on, where you go, I go.” Suguru’s shoulders visibly sagged in relief, leaning down to kiss your forehead for a second time with his eyes closed. 

“Let’s get cleaned up and go home then, my sweet girl.” 

Despite everything, you found yourself praying once more that this wasn’t just a dream. “Yeah, let’s go home.” You smiled as his eyes opened, watching him straighten and kneel before you. You felt him slip out, making you both groan before his hands were reaching to help you up. “What a mess…” you were quiet as you looked down at the ruined altar top. “It needed to be replaced eventually.” Suguru reassured you, getting down off of the polished wood and assisting you to the best of his abilities. “Do you think you can walk?” you felt your brows creasing at his question, wondering if your legs would be able to support you and your baby if you were to get off of this altar. “I… guess we’ll find out.” But Suguru’s arms were on you in a second, supporting you almost entirely as he helped you get down to the floor. You had to admit your legs did feel jello, shaky and weak as you tried to stand without support. “That won’t do.” Suguru chided, more so mad at himself for not taking it easy on his pregnant girlfriend. 

“It’s okay, just help me get dressed so we can get out of here… I need a shower.” Suguru’s release was starting to drip down your thighs, warming your face as older memories entered your mind. “Yes ma’am.” He grabbed your things one at a time, helping you get your bra on, then your shirt. Next he got his own robes on so he could leave the room to get you a washcloth for the mess he made between your thighs. He returned a minute later with a warm, wet cloth in one hand and a fresh dry one in the other. “My stuff is at a hotel, Suguru. We’ll need to get it before heading home.” While you could survive on Suguru’s clothes for a day or two, you desperately craved the silky maternity pajamas you had bought yourself a while back. “Alright, I’ll have the driver called to pick us up. He’ll bring us to that hotel and I’ll retrieve your things. Then we’ll head home. Nanako and Mimiko are going to be so ecstatic to meet you, sweet girl.” 

Your heart skipped a beat at the thought, the two little girls Suguru had taken in would be waiting for their honorary father to return home. But what about you? “Are you sure? They know I exist?” you questioned as you spread your legs, letting Suguru gingerly clean up the remnants of his release and your own. “I’ve told them all about you, they refer to you as Mama Y/N.” Mama. You blinked, maybe it was the pregnancy hormones making you sensitive, but that brought tears to your eyes. Suguru had never once spoken badly of you in your time apart, going as far as to speak about you so lovingly to these two little girls that they referred to you as mama without even meeting you. There was still so much that needed to be sorted out, so many emotions to pick apart, but for now it was christmas eve. Those things could wait for a day or two, for now all you needed to focus on was you, Suguru, and your baby growing within you. 

December 24th, 2007 [Somewhere around 6:30pm]

“Cheer up, Satoru. It’s christmas eve and you’re moping around.” Shoko pressed his arm, watching his unfocused eyes snap back into reality just to see her. “What?” She sighed, shaking her head as she moved to lean against the wall Satoru had planted himself against. “I feel bad that she isn’t here, too, Satoru. But she said she wasn’t feeling good…” But Satoru shook his head, pushing himself off the wall for the first time that evening. “She’s withdrawing from us, she has been for the last few weeks… ever since…” But he couldn’t say it, for some reason he found himself choking up trying to utter Suguru's name. “Ever since she saw him, I know.” Saying his name wasn’t exactly smart given the people in the room with them. “She’s just… she’s alone on Christmas Eve, Shoko. That’s not fair… we should be with her or she should be with us.”  He began shifting from foot to foot, for the first time that night he felt antsy enough to get off the wall he glued himself to and move. “I agree, Satoru, but she doesn’t feel good…”

“I think she's full of shit, using it as an excuse.” he spat with more venom than necessary, not really directed at you but more so directed at himself. Shoko studied him for a moment, unsure of how to continue considering they were in a room full of close friends. Friends who all felt the absence of three particular people… Haibara, Suguru, and of course, you. It was a much quieter Christmas eve than previous years. So, reluctantly, Shoko pushed off the wall “Let’s get some air, Satoru. I think you could really use it.” Satoru met her gaze, lips parting before closing again and shoving his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. Without a word, he unpeeled himself from the wall and trailed after Shoko. The two had barely stepped foot into the cold air before Satoru was seething again. “She’s distancing herself from us, Shoko, don’t you realize that?” Shoko was pulling a cigarette and lighter out of her pocket, bringing the cylinder to her lips as she mumbled out “Of course I recognize that, Satoru.” for a moment he bit his tongue, the urge to scream at her for her casual nature was making him feel weak to his own emotions. 

“Then what do we do? We’re going to lose her if we don’t figure this out…” if he hasn’t already. Satoru couldn’t shake the pit in his stomach, the feeling that he had already lost you was weighing him down. He had let Suguru slip through his fingers, and now it seemed he was letting it happen all over again with you. “I have no idea, Satoru. I won’t lie, I’m not as close with her as you are… I mean you guys just seem to have a much deeper bond than friendship…” Shoko corrected when Satoru’s head whipped in her direction. She loved you dearly, and she knew that you loved her right back. But she would be an idiot to deny the fact that you and Satoru seemed to have a bond much deeper than friendship. “I don’t know what you mean–” Satoru choked, lips pressing into a thin line as he nervously pushed his glasses up again. “Don’t lie, Satoru. You know exactly what I mean.” But Satoru was not going to openly admit to his feelings for you right then. “You love her in a different way than me, Satoru. You have since our first year here.” But it seemed Shoko was more than willing to take the opportunity for him. 

“Now isn’t the time…” but he could feel his voice trembling as he spoke, head turning away from her to glance across the courtyard. “Then when is it time, Satoru?” Again, something he didn’t have the answer for, something he probably would never have the answer for. “I…fuck I don’t know okay? But right now definitely isn’t the time.” He looked as if he wanted to jump out of his own skin, Shoko inhaled her smoke deeply before pulling the cig away and letting out in one breath. “Go to her, if you think that is what’s right. But don’t come back at me if she bites your head off for waking her.” Maybe Shoko had a little too much faith in your capabilities to remain strong. Satoru, on the other hand, felt like he was racing against a timer that may have already hit zero. “Alright.” Was all he could push out in that moment, feet moving before his mind could even process it. “But we do need to have this conversation at some point, Satoru!” Shoko called but he was already halfway across the courtyard. “Some Christmas Eve this is.” She huffed, watching the smoke slip past her lips again as she let her head fall back. 

If she could, she would run to you right now and hold you close. But things had grown so complicated, for some reason she couldn’t find the strength to sit down and pull the information out of you. Deep down, even though she didn’t want to admit it, she knew it was only a matter of time before you disappeared just as Suguru had. She couldn’t say she blamed you, had she been in your shoes she would likely do the same. She knew how dear he was to you, how much love you held in your heart for him even after his deflection. Now you were carrying his child. Shoko could come to terms with the fact that her support and her presence was small in comparison to the support and love Suguru would shower on you and your unborn child. Satoru, however, could not swallow that pill and keep it down. He loved you, much more than a friend. Shoko has known that since your first year at Jujutsu Tech, as much as Satoru had been pining, Suguru had beat him to you… and inevitably won your heart. She knew it ate him alive to this very day. 

—

Satoru couldn’t figure out why his hands were trembling as they gripped the railing. Every step he took, every step that carried him up towards your dorm floor had his legs threatening to crumble. He couldn’t shake the doom gripping at his heart, as if he somehow already knew that something was terribly wrong. Still, he pushed forward despite his heart threatening to break out of his ribcage and fling itself out the nearest window. It was quiet as he hit the landing, so quiet it felt empty, as if there was no human life inhabiting the floor. Satoru’s stomach was dropping with each step he took, forcing air into his lungs just to exhale slowly as he approached your dorm’s door. His hand raised, knuckles rapping against the door. “Y/N? You Awake?” 

No answer. 

Satoru’s hand wrapped around the cool metal of the doorknob before twisting and pushing it open. “Y/N?” he took a step inside, surprised to see your desk lamp on. It took Satoru another second to process that you weren’t present in the room. He blinked slowly, eyes traveling over a room that now felt foreign to him. Inch by inch, he noticed that things were missing. Your room feels emptier than usual, and not just because of your absence. “Shit.” He chokes, walking further into your dorm room to assure himself that he wasn’t imagining it. Usually, he’d never invade your space in such a way but Satoru found himself ripping your closet door open and cursing louder when he realized a majority of the hangers were empty. 

He couldn’t see straight, not as he stumbled backwards and out of your room. Satoru’s legs carried him on autopilot, straight down the hall to Shoko’s empty dorm room. He pushed the door open, flicking on the lights and checking her bed to make sure you hadn’t snuck in to it. As expected, it was empty. The door slammed so hard it rattled the frame, but Satoru couldn’t even hear it, not over the roaring of blood in his ears as he stumbled down to his dorm room. He swung the door open so hard it hit the wall and ricocheted back at him, but he was already in the room and out of its path. His eyes were frantic, wide and unnerving as he looked at his empty bed… a note neatly sitting on his pillow, his name written in your scrawling font. 

Bile burned Satoru’s throat, without even picking up the envelope he knew it was a goodbye. 

The bile burning his throat wasn’t going back down, panic ebbed through his veins as he turned on his heels and stumbled into the bathroom. Satoru puked the little contents he had left in his stomach, tears blurring his vision as he tossed his glasses onto the tile floor. It wasn’t until he heaved a third time that his knees gave out on him, hitting the cold tile below him with a sickening thud. He couldn’t see through the tears, a mix of broken sobs and curses falling from his lips as saliva filled his mouth and his stomach squeezed painfully tight. For a minute he thought it would be impossible to pull air into his lungs, maybe the universe would grace him with blacking out. Maybe when he woke up he’d realize this was all a bad dream. 

But the universe wasn’t that kind to Satoru, it probably never would be.

There, on the bathroom floor, the strongest sorcerer was reduced to a crying mess. All because of you, all because of his mistakes, all because of things he had let slip through his fingers. How childish could he be? To mess up so badly the first time that he failed Suguru. The eyes that were supposed to see everything had let his best friend fall with no one to catch him. Now, it was you, right before his very eyes he watched you slowly decay into a shell of your former self. But, again, he ignored the warning signs and you had slipped right through his grasp. He couldn’t process anything else in that moment, fingers gripping the sides of the toilet as he heaved again. 

Satoru wasn’t sure how long he remained a crumpled heap on his bathroom floor, but eventually there was nothing else that could come out of him. In a daze, Satoru pulled himself off the ground, flushing the toilet’s contents, standing to grasp for the faucet’s knobs and pulling until cold water rushed from its opening. The cold water grounded him, forcing air into his too-tight lungs, one after another, until tears were flowing freely down his cheeks again. Was this a panic attack? Is that what it felt like? Like you were drowning on dry land? He wasn’t sure, but he knew he needed to read whatever you left behind in that envelope. 

He needed to have some idea on why you did this, even if he knew why you did this. He turned the water off, silence ringing in his ears as he dried his shaking hands and stumbled into his too cold bedroom. Satoru wiped his eyes, over and over and over until the tears stopped long enough for him to see clearly. Grabbing the envelope, he sat himself down at his desk, letting the lamp’s golden glow illuminate the words he was too scared to read. He stared at it, blinking slowly as he looked over your handwriting. How did he let this happen, not once but twice? That anger from earlier was bubbling in his stomach again, threatening to reduce him to a scared child as he hurled anything left in his stomach. This time he swallowed it down. 

The paper was cold in his hands as he ripped open your neatly put together work. Inside the envelope was one piece of paper. One piece of paper was all you needed to say goodbye. His heart clenched, lips forming into a scowl at the very thought. Maybe he had been a fool all this time, a fool to think he meant anything of significance to you. The urge to rip the single page nearly overtook him, not willing to let you explain yourself and just throw it away. You had thrown everything away, after all. What harm was him ripping up one, useless, pathetic letter? 

He set it down before doing something that irrational, his mind going through a mix of emotions that he could only describe as grief. Mourning someone who wasn’t dead all over again. 

Satoru stared at the letter, heart squeezing so tightly in his chest as he spotted water marks. Water stains where your tears had smudged the ink slightly. Every ounce of anger in his body seemed to vanish the moment he saw them, something so small that delivered such a big message. He inhaled deeply, trying to find some sort of sanity to cling to before picking up the page and reading everything you had written for him. It was you after all, no matter how upset he got, he’d never be able to do any of the things he had contemplated only seconds prior. Shakily, he picked it up, holding it at an angle where he could easily read its contents. 

Satoru, 

I don’t know where to start, so maybe it’s best if I don’t even try. If I were to sit here as I am now, writing down every single thing I ever wanted to say to you I’d run out of paper and time. So, although you deserve far better than this letter, I will try and keep it short and to the point. 

You have done everything for me over these last five months, and there is nothing I can do that will ever amount to something worthy of returning the favor. I will forever be thankful for everything you have done for me. I would not have survived these last few months if it weren’t for you, Toru. 

I don’t want you to blame yourself, because my choice is completely my own. There is nothing you could have done to change my mind. I think we both know that, whether you want to believe it or not. I can’t imagine the pain I’m causing you by doing this… I’m not going to ask for your forgiveness because truly I don’t deserve it and I don’t expect it. 

I cannot go about my pregnancy without Suguru knowing. This is something that is meant to be precious to me, cherishing every minute of my baby growing inside of me… but I haven’t been able to enjoy it. My child deserves a happy mother and their father to be in their life. The only thing you are unable to provide for me, Satoru, is bringing Suguru back to our side. 

I have no choice but to go, for the sake of myself and the sake of my baby, I need him to know. 

This isn’t how I wanted things to happen, you know. I don’t think that needs to be said because of course I didn’t intend on getting pregnant and Suguru losing his mind. I didn’t intend on leaving you or Shoko. I didn’t think I’d ever have to say goodbye to you, Satoru. Nevermind having to say it through a shitty letter. God this is fucking stupid. You deserve so much more than a fucking letter. 

Please, find your happiness, Satoru. I love you. 

Your Y/N

Tears were burning his tired eyes, distorting your words as he tried to read it for a second time. Time seemed to stretch on forever in that one moment, leaving him to feel like a hollow shell of the person he once was. His heart was no longer within his chest, he was sure of it. Half of it had been taken by Suguru when he deflected. Now, the other half was long gone, tucked away in whatever belongings you had taken with you when you left. Nothing but a hole was left in its place, the broken halves of his heart were somewhere far away with the two people who meant more than anything to him. Maybe they’d do him a favor and stitch the halves together again. 

~ END OF PART 2 ~

Thank you so much for reading, I hope I didn't hurt you too much. As always, likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and greatly appreciated... till we meet again in part 3 :) - May 🩵

[ickie]

♡ ... GLUE SONG \ LN4

pairing ... lando norris x reader summary ... just domestic, tooth rotting fluff w/ lando :) warnings ... none :) notes ... just approx. 400 words of fluff w lando <3 my requests are open :)

his hand grazed yours, a heart-shaped smile taking up your line of sight. “you look… beautiful.” the word rolls off lando’s tongue, causing a cheesy grin to pull at your features. “you think so...?” a giggle follows your question, stepping away from the brit to give him a twirl.

the fabric of your dress flows around you, creating a cascade of fabric as it falls once you halt your movements. it seemed the smile that had graced lando’s features had only gotten wider if that was even possible. “darling, you know how beautiful you are,” he teases, his arms coming to wrap around your waist to pull you close.

“i still don’t understand why you choose to be with someone like me,” he muses, causing you to lightly hit him on his shoulder. he pulls you closer, chuckling quietly into the skin where your shoulder and neck meet.

“we have to go,” you hum, pulling away while lando groans theatrically. “no, we don’t…” he looks you up and down before attempting to pull you close again. lando’s ministrations are stopped by your hands grabbing onto his, your head shaking.

“yes, yes we do… we cannot be late to yet another dinner.” you eye him, knowing that you and lando had gotten quite the reputation for being… fashionably late to dinners, whether they were with friends, family, or even with higherups at mclaren. lando would always claim it was your fault that you consistently looked good enough to eat.

with little argument, you shortly find yourself sitting in the passenger seat of his car, lando’s hand having took permanent residence on your thigh for the short ride to the restaurant. when the two of you pull up, he is ever the gentleman as he opens your door for you, hands finding their home on your waist.

“i think we’re like, glued to each other.” he muses, brushing a stray strand of hair out of your face. “what?” you laugh, eyebrows furrowing as you look at the man that you know as the love of your life.

“but i wouldn’t want to be stuck with anyone else.” he cheeses, leaning down to kiss you before taking your hand and leading you inside.

[cherryheairt]

Dragon Dreamer pt. III

tags: @beebeechaos

Daenys avoiding her problems per usual

all feedback appreciated <3, I'm unsure how I want to write this longterm, bc the two will have to separate after the wall scene and idk if people would want chapters with just Daenys and no cregan lol

also appearently cregan's actor tom taylor has heterochromia and i think green/blue eyes but for the life of my i cannot find a clear pic of it </3

Daenys woke from her distant dreams only after the sun had risen. While still snowing and freezing outside, Morningstar had done well to warm the pair under her protective wing.

Cregan sat vigil all throughout the night, no complaints coming from the young lord as he did. Protecting the princess was simply a part of his many duties, he mused to himself sometime in the night while she whispered.

She blinked a few times, eyes heavy and body nearly numb. Though warm, she was still only clothed in house slippers and her night dress. A weight around her caught her attention, knowing that Morningstar couldn't wrap herself around Daenys like that.

"You awake, Princess?" A soft voice asked beside her.

Tilting her head up and squinting, "Cregan?" She whispered, voice horse from speaking all night.

"Good morrow, my lady," was all he said, that secret smile of his plastered on his face. She didn't know how to feel. A million things rushed to her mind; shame, humilation, frustration-

He interrupted her thoughts, shuffling to a crouch from his sitting position. Cregan offered her a hand, which she took without thinking. Leading them both out from under Morningstar, Cregan bowed his head respectfully to the she-dragon.

"She allowed you to come near us?" Daenys asked, in awe.

"Aye, I don't know why, exactly. I'm grateful for it, so I will not question a blessing." He told Daenys, reaching down to grab his sword that had been sitting on the snowbank for hours and shouldering it.

"Shall we break our fast, or would you like to sleep?" He turned to her, attentive grey eyes finding her violet ones.

Biting her cheek, she waited for the other shoe to drop. When would he demand answers from their night? Banish her from his house forever and ridding himself of the Velaryon girl.

"You should sleep, Lord Stark. I have kept you from it all night." She decided, looking at the tired expression pulling at his handsome face.

"Sleep often evades me with my duties, this is only another one. I would never sleep again if my Princess asked it of me." He told her, placing a gentle hand on her arm. "The day is new. Will you break fast with me?"

Daenys followed the lord into the dining hall. It was more active than the previous night, bustling with the activity of the Keep's servants. It only took a minute of sitting before their breakfast was in front of them, some light bread and oatmeal. Daenys greedily drank the cold water provided for her, the relief for her throat that had been burning the whole way to the Keep.

Cregan watched the display for a moment, smiling to himself before politely focusing on his food, not watching her pick at her breakfast like the previous night. "Do you want anything else? If you don't like the food, just tell me. No one will take offense, as long as you're fed."

"This is good." Daenys answered shortly. She took small bites of the oatmeal, pulling parts of the bread to slowly chew. She felt like her body was going through the motions completely on its own, her brain firing in a million different directions yet going nowhere at all.

"..Princess?" Cregan asked again, stirring her.

He had been talking for a while, she thought. Daenys hummed, gesturing for him to continue. His meal was done already, how much time had passed?

"I said I would like to take you to Castle Black, if you would allow me."

"The Wall?" Daenys furrowed her brow, placing her spoon into the half-full bowl.

"It would be a two week trip on horseback, and you can see what your predecessors witnessed all those years ago. A reminder of what the North protects the realm from."

In simple terms, he wanted to convince her to take the least amount of men to arms as possible. She was not dull. Perhaps he thought she was, just like the court men. He was talking like a Southerner, now. All hidden meanings and pretty half-truths. Disappointing, truly, Daenys liked the straightforward Stark better.

"I would not oppose a trip to see the Wall. It would be much faster on Morningstar, but I'm sure your council would oppose their lord doing such a thing." She said wryly. Daenys didn't want to become curt with the kind lord, but her displeasure with his words made itself clear in her tone

He grimaced slightly before straightening up, bowing his head politely. "I have some matters to attend to before we depart. I will have some things packed for you. For now, get some rest, we'll leave in the afternoon." He left quickly, and it was then that she noticed his fur coat was missing. She could make out his body shape now, no longer hidden and cloaked by the massive fur. When had he left them?

The weight on her own shoulders as she stood solved that question for her. The familiar brown furs surrounded her like a blanket, warm yet drowning. Was it bear? Or even wolf? Daenys wasn't sure, but her heart beated harder knowing that he had sat with her all night, keeping her safe and warm despite knowing her dragon was perfectly capable.

Daenys settled into her chambers, forgoing slipping under the furs already on her bed in exchange for the fur Cregan had provided her. It smelled like him, a deep wood and iron scent that might have been too strong and unfitting on anyone but the Warden himself. The comfort soothed her to sleep quicker than she had in many moons.

🗡

Strong hands guided Daenys through the courtyard of the Red Keep. Ser Harwin Strong, her mother's sworn protector, had become more of a protector for herself these past few moons.

When the nightmares started, the Red Keep was put ill at ease with the little girl, avoiding her like the plague. While most took after Queen Alicent, avoiding her and gossiping about how the girl must be a witch, condemning people to horrible fates with her predictions, the bolder ones like her uncle Aegon had done the opposite.

Harassments, taunts, planting some of Helena's bugs into her bed, even getting physical when no one was looking. Who would believe the mad girl besides her own mother? The prince, of course, never received any reprimanding or punishment. He always got away with everything, per usual. He had the Queen herself in his corner, who defended his vile behavior even when multiple servant girls came sobbing to the Queen's chambers.

Rhaenyra couldn't bare to watch her only daughter be so tormented, especially by her own family. She instructed Harwin to keep a close eye on her, as her escort and guardian around the keep. He had no qualms with this, of course. The girl was beloved by him and Rhaenyra deeply, though this coddling did not go unnoticed by the royal family.

Daenys' one credit as a child was her silver hair and purple hues, an image of her mother. Her brothers after her were not so lucky, born brown-eyed and brown-haired. Ser Harwin was said to be the sire of Rhaenyra's army of dragon-riding bastards, to the obliviousness of Daenys.

When she grew older, she realized that Alicent was right in that one thing. Harwin Strong undoubtedly fathered the boys. She was unclear about her own father, but Harwin's affections for her never differed from her brothers.

She found herself not minding. Ser Laenor claimed the children as his own and loved her mother as a dear companion. But Harwin's love for Rhaenyra was different than Laenor's. She saw the look in his eyes as he gazed upon the heir, filled with devotion and love unmatched by any other wed couple in the keep. Daenys had only seen such a love displayed by them. Even long after Harwin's death, when Rhaenyra remarried her uncle Daemon, Daenys never saw that look in another man's eyes.

Daemon's love was passionate but possessive. It scared Daenys slightly, but she was happy so long as her mother was safe.

This day, Daenys wished to watch her uncles and brothers training in the yard. Ser Criston Cole usually overlooked the boys' training, leaving much to be desired in terms of favoritism. Much like his Queen, Criston despised the bastard boys. Though the four trained together, Rhaenyra's sons usually only watched as Aegon and Aemond practiced with their wooden swords.

Harwin left Daenys at the steps after a gentle ruffle of her loose hair, where she quietly sat and observed. Glancing at a bench overseeing the yard, Daenys spotted King Viserys also overlooking the morning training.

Harwin spoke a few words to Ser Criston for a moment, inaudible to Daenys but clearly pissing the Dornish knight off. Cole intructed that the eldest boys be placed against each other, though it was unfair.

Harwin's protests were thus ignored by the kingsguard, Daenys perking in her seat to watch Aegon and Jace spar. Quite a poor match, seeing their age and skill difference.

Aegon easily beat Jace, knocking the sword from his hand but not giving his opponent any mercy, still stepping forward to attack the young boy.

Harwin grabbed Aegon in a firm hold, tossing him away from Jacaerys. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Aegon screeched like a banshee, never being put in his place like that before. Spoiled brat.

Harwin scolded Cole, ignoring the eldest prince intentionally. After lifting Jace from the floor, Harwin glanced over the boy.

"Are you alright?"

Embarrassed, Jace only nodded with flushed cheeks and dusted himself off. "Thank you, Ser." He mumbled.

But Cole did not leave the matter, baiting the older knight. "You forget yourself, that is the prince." He said, a smirk on his tanned face.

"Is that what you teach, Cole? Cruelty." Harwin spat back, picking up the wooden swords from the dirt.

"Your interest in the princeling's training is quite unusual. Most men would only have that kind of devotion toward a cousin. Or a brother." He smiled brighter, "or a son."

Without skipping a beat, Harwin strong turned and swung at Cole's smug face. Again, and again until the man was on the floor and not fighting back.

Daenys stood and gasped, calling out towards her protector. "Ser Harwin!" she rushed forward, being stopped only by Jace and Luke, who could also only watch.

Harwin was dragged off of Cole, still spitting insults at the younger whilst the blood-covered man laughed as if he had won.

Aegon laughed loudly, now the loudest sound in the yard as both knights were escorted inside.

"Seems like the Strong bastards won't be so protected anymore." He snickered with Aemond at his side, loud enough for only the three to hear. Viserys took his leave, too, most likely to go settle the fight.

"We're not bastards!" Jacaerys yelled at him. Daenys and Lucerys were quiet behind him. Jace, though a year younger than Daenys, had taken the mantle of the protective one of the siblinge ever since Daenys had started getting shunned.

She was grateful for it, despite the nagging guilt she had for never defending herself or her little brothers.

"Just look at yourself, Lord Strong. Brown hair...pale skin..brown eyes. Perhaps Rhaenyra isn't your mother, either." Aegon said, earning a half-hearted laugh from Aemond beside him.

Ever the quiet of the two, Aemond faced his own bullying from Aegon and Daenys' brothers for being the only one of them to not claim a dragon. Typically, this made him stay out of any spats between Rhaenyra's children and Aegon, out of fear that he would be the next target.

Surprisingly, he even left Daenys alone. He spent much time with Helena, just as she did. They happened to spend a lot of time together in their youth because of their mutual bond, but they never gained a bond between themselves.

"You take that back!" Jace demanded, stepping foward and shoving at Aegon's chest. Being so much taller than Jacaerys, Aegon barely stepped back, only growing more amused.

"Jace.." Daenys urged behind him, tugging at his armor. "Let's go inside, I want to check on Ser Harwin."

Aegon turned to her now, "Its a mystery who your father might be. Ser Strong, Prince Daemon, Ser Laenor. I've even heard rumor of Rhaenyra having a tryst with Criston Cole at one time. Perhaps the cunt herself doesn't even know who your-" Aegon was abruptly cut off with a punch to his face so hard that he was sent to the floor. Shocked, he looked up expecting Jacaerys to have been the offender, but instead met the furious face of Daenys Velaryon. She didn't give him time to get up, punching and scratching at his pink face.

The other three stood stunned for a few moments, unsure if they wanted to let her continue or pry her off. Even Aemond stifled a laugh with a hand, turning away so Aegon couldn't notice.

Eventually Aegon grew out of his shock, easily throwing the younger girl off of him by her shoulders. Wiping his face, he stood and snarled down at Daenys, lifting a foot to kick at her while she was down, but was stopped and tackled by her two brothers. Now, Aemond choose to defend his older brother against the boys, albeit slightly reluctantly. The Pink Dread prank still heavily weighed on his mind every day.

Guards noticed at this point that the squabble of princes and the princess was no mere play fight, punches and kicks being thrown this way and that. The four of them seperated by forceful hands, given no time to walk themselves as they were dragged inside.

"Keep my mothers name out of your dirty mouth, līve!" She screamed behind her shoulder at the boy, who seemed shocked at the insult coming from her mouth. Jace and Luke, not versed in High Valyrion yet, didn't react, although she heard a snicker from Aemond as he was taken to Viserys with Aegon.

The other three were taken directly to Rhaenyra.

Rhaenyra, quietly resting on her settee with little Joffrey coddled up in her arms, was surprised to see all three of her eldest children in such a state. She stood immediately, "what happened?" She asked the guards, handing Joff to the wet nurse and gingerly cradling her children's bruised faces.

"The princess and princes got into an altercation in the yard. Ser Harwin and Cole have also been sent to the King for their actions." One said, before being dismissed by Rhaenyra.

"I want the truth of it, now." She sternly told them, stress furrowing her brows.

"Ser Harwin beat up Cole." Luke said first, giving no context.

"Because Cole called us bastards." Jace continued, clearing it.

Rhaenyra sighed, putting a hand over her stomach, which Daenys noticed became a habit during her pregnancies as a way to calm herself.

"If Harwin is the one who fought Cole, why are you three all bruised up?"

Daenys avoided her eyes, earning a lifted brow from her mother. Jace stepped in to help, "Aegon started it! He called you.." He seemed to pause now too, not wanting to shame his mother with Aegon's vileness.

The three shared glanced between themselves, not guilty for fighting Aegon but guilty for not defending their mother's honor better. "He called you a cunt. And implied dishonorable actions." Daenys told her, biting her cheek hard after. Her face hurt.

Rhaenyra only sighed, bringing her children to her side to embrace them all. She breathed in to start a surely long speech, but Harwin entering the room disrupted that plan. Daenys was grateful for it.

He closed the chamber doors behind himself, gold Lord Commander's cloak was no longer wrapped over his shoulders. His armor was also off, as if he was taking a leisure day.

"Harwin?" Rhaenyra spoke, confused as to why he was visiting in such a state.

"I am being assigned back to Harrenhall with my father. The King has let me go from my time as Lord Commander." Was his answer. Pretty words for 'fired' from his duty. Just for defending the princes and their mother.

Rhaenyra gasped, hand bringing itself once again to hover over her stomach. "For what offence?" She demanded. Her eyes were glossy with tears, but she could not let herself cry. Princesses do not cry over losing their guards.

Daenys knew then, that they were not merely protector and princess. They were husband and wife, in all but name. Harwin looked down at Rhaenyra with all the softness in the realm. "It is my own fault, I lost my temper." The two stood to the side for a minute, whispering amonst themselves. Daenys respectfully looked away, finding Jace staring them down intensely.

Harwin held Rhaenyra's face for only a moment, tender and bittersweet as they couldn't do anything more to say their goodbyes.

He turned to the children, "Luke, Jace. Keep up with your training, do not let Cole or the princes bully you out from improving. You will be fine knights." He smiled at them proudly, petting each of their heads and turning to Daenys.

Tears welled in her eyes, falling down her cheeks freely. She was not as strong as her mother, unable to control her feelings. "Ser.." She sobbed, barreling into his chest and burying her face into the tunic's material. Gently he held her, soothing her hair down from the mess it had became in the yard. "Don't fret, my dear girl. I will not be gone forever."

The smell of fire invaded her senses as he said that, a suffocating feeling enveloping her as she continued to cry. "I don't want you to leave at all." She told him.

"He must, we cannot change the will of the king." Rhaenyra said from behind her, rubbing her back soothingly. Harwin and Rhaenyra shared another heavy look, both knowing how much Daenys relied on Harwin.

Harwin had to break the princess off of him eventually, pressing a tender kiss to her temple as he did. "I will be a stranger when we meet again.' He told Rhaenyra, who only nodded and smiled solemnly at him.

Harwin Strong took his leave from the Red Keep that day, and never returned to his family.

Jace watched the man walk away, down the hall. "Is Harwin Strong my father?" He asked Rhaenyra stiffly. "Are we bastards?"

Rhaenyra swiftly looked around for any onlookers, relieved to find none. "You are Targaryens. That's what matters," she whispered firmly.

Daenys only stared at the space Harwin had once been, wishing things could stay the same forever.

"I am going to bed," she told her mother.

She wished she had not.

🗡

"My Lady?" The maid from yesterday evening woke Daenys from her deep sleep. Groggily she sat up, stretching out her stiff muscles. The cold affected her more than she thought. "Lord Stark is ready to depart. We have packed all the things you will need for the trip, I just need to get you ready."

Daenys was too tired to talk, only nodding along and allowing the older maid to dress her and do her hair. Pulled in a simple half-up braid, Daenys groaned at the thought of having to do her own braids while in the wilderness. The dress she was put in was a light blue, lined with white fur, softer than any she had felt before.

"All done, princess. He's waiting in the hall for you." She patted Daenys' shoulder in a motherly way, sending the girl off to the dining hall.

Daenys grabbed his fur coat before leaving, finding him standing in front of the hearth silently. He perked up when he spotted her, smiling almost instinctively. "Princess," he nodded. "Ready to leave?"

It was only then that she noticed a giant wolf at his feet, staring at her with bright blue eyes, contasting its brown fur. A direwolf, it must be. Tamed by the Stark? Their sigil seemed to ring true, just like the Targaryen's.

"As I'll ever be." She answered evenly, slightly looking forward to the trip. She'd never been on such a journey, only ever riding horseback for short distances and never once staying outside for more than a night. It would be interesting. "And who's this?"

"Dusk. He mostly stays outside, but I figured we could use his protection on our travels." Cregan gestured to the wolf. He seemed wild in most ways, Daenys would guess that he was when he was on his own, but Cregan being bonded to him and accustoming the animal to human domestication. Quite like the Targaryens and their dragons.

"I'm happy to have him, as long as he can get along with Morningstar." She smiled.

Hopefully she can find common ground with Lord Stark, gaining more men for the Queen.

Cregan offers Daenys his arm, which she takes as he guides her to their readied horses. "I picked out this one for you. He's a young stud, but he reminded me of Morningstar." Daenys felt her heart skip a beat when he said that, the thoughtfulness of the aftion making her smile brightly. She released his arm to pet the horse's snow-white face, greeting it.

"Thank you, my lord. He's beautiful." She said.

"Of course, princess." He kept his eyes on her a moment longer, before offering his hand again to help her mount. After adjusting herself on the saddle, Cregan mounted his own horse, a pretty chestnut mare.

Winterfell gave the two a cheerful goodbye parting, Daenys had to resist rolling her eyes. The same commonfolk who had gossiped about her yesterday were eagerly waving hankerchiefs at her and wishing their beloved princess well.

Cregan seemed amused by her stiff jaw as they walked past the gates. "Do you know what the folk call you?" He asked.

"I could think of a hundred names I've been called. None of them pleasent." She replied, eyeing him.

Above them, Morningstar glided gleefully, happy to be traveling again although she didn't know the destination.

Chuckling, he shook his head. "The Dragon Dreamer."

Stunned, she turns to look straight at him, finding his attention fully on her still.

"I..don't see why." She blushed. Never before had her visions been painted in a positive light of any kind.

"Northerners aren't so out of tune with the magic of this realm, as other kingdoms are. Have you ever heard of wargs?"

"A few times, in fairytales." She sniffed.

He nodded, "do you not believe in them?"

"Anything could be true. In a world where I ride a dragon, who am I to deny other types of magic?" She offered.

"Aye. My ancestors have dealt with magic since the first men. Stuff you wouldn't believe, out beyond the wall."

"What's beyond the wall?"

"Death."

🗡

alicent hightower you ARE the father

Līve - whore

[daydreaming-nerd]

The Bonds That Break Us (Rhysand x Female! Reader) Part 1

Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Final Part

Request: "Would you do a Rhysand x fem!reader series? Maybe fem!reader is Rhysand's mate and Tamlin's sister? So secret love?"

AN: I just got this request and I absolutely LOVE it. I have no idea how many parts it will be because it's really parking my imagination. Please feel free to leave a comment! Hearing your guy's feedback is what motivates me to write!

Summary: It was almost as if the cauldron liked to play games, as if it had sensed years of boredom and predictability and begged to be entertained. Its method of absolving its melancholy? Mate the High Lord of the Night Court to the younger sister of the High Lord of Spring. 

Warnings (so far): SA

Word count: 2765

(all photos are from pinterest)

It was like being born, even though I was the ripe age of 435. Well, ripe in the years of fae. It felt like being born, in the sense that I can’t really remember what came before that passing shade of violet. The way his eyes bore into me, and in that moment I knew he felt the tug too. 

Mates. 

I reeled for days, the peonies of spring my only console, my brother had always been so absent minded and utterly consumed with being High Lord. How could the cauldron be so cruel? To mate me to the High Lord of the Night. I spent the next week thinking it had to be a mistake, that my bored mind was playing tricks on me. Yet when the council met the week following, his eyes found me immediately, and I think in that moment I saw him for the very first time. 

I didn’t dare approach him, far too shy and afraid to approach the Lord of Night. Not just  because of what he was, but because of what my brother would say. By basic necessity Tamilin was a good brother, he doted upon me, kept me safe, gave me free roam of the palace. But there was a darkness about him I couldn’t place. It started when he disappeared with our father one night only to come back with two sets of Illyrian wings. I knew whatever happened was wrong, but as a woman in the spring court, I knew better than to open my mouth. Needless to say, Tamlin became High Lord of Spring shortly after, and from the wings mounted on our family walls I knew we had but one enemy, the night court. 

It wasn’t until the third council meeting (the third I was allowed to attend, after I begged my brother to let me go) that the High Lord of Night finally sought me out. 

My brother was busying himself with the politics of Day and Summer, talking the heads off of Helion and Tarquin. I kept to the shadows naturally, avoiding any untoward advances from other High Lords. I tried to stay hidden in my pocket of introvertedness, but then I felt him, and my skin buzzed, like it needed to be touched, to be held.

“You felt it too right?” he purred into the shell of my ear causing the buzzing of my skin to become electric.  

“I did,” I admit pathetically. 

“And you feel it now too,” he whispers as I finally turn to face him. The violet of his eyes pierce my soul and I’m left speechless and unable to move from their gaze. He’s otherworldly, he’s everything, and he’s also completely forbidden. 

“Do you?” I ask, hoping that whatever answer he gives can validate the fire in my bones. 

“I do,” he muses like he loves the game. “Your brother killed my family. He is my sworn enemy and I should hate you.” he breathes. I can feel his resolve slipping along with mine, for every statement he makes I can make an opposing one, “but all I want to do is kiss you right now.” he finishes. 

Fire runs through my veins as a sharp breath passes my lips. I feel my brother's presence and I evade myself from the High Lord of Night’s cage. My brother whisks me off to the Spring Court once more, but not before I glance back one last time to see that shade of violet I had already learned to look for in a crowd. 

That was a week ago. 

I stand in the foyer of the castle with my brother and Lucien as we prepare to join the council once again this week. 

“You look ravishing as always,” Lucien muses, eyes wandering me like they’re hungry. 

“It’s not often my brother lets me out of the house, I have to make a good impression somehow,” I say backhandedly. All I get in return is a sideways glance from Tamiln as we are taken to court. Today the meeting  resides in Tarquins’s court. It changes once a week to allow all High Lord’s to have the upper hand. The sea salted mist hits my face and the warm rays of the sun tan my skin as we walk into the council. 

When we arrive he’s already there. He stands out amongst the rest, not just because he’s dressed in black, but because he’s the most beautiful male I’ve ever seen. The definition of a forbidden fruit. As if to tempt me, Tamilin unknowingly  sits directly across from the High Lord of Night making it so I can’t lift my head without meeting the violet of his eyes. If you had asked me to recall the events the council discussed, I couldn’t, the only word left on my tongue was Night. Talk of tithes and power checks drifted over my head. The only thing to rouse me from my trance was the scraping of wooden chairs across marble floors, signaling that the council meeting had adjourned and that the more foundational political talks of High Lords would begin. 

I took it as my queue to step out onto one of the many terraces of the Summer Court. The room where the council was held was stifling. I thought that the breeze of the ocean might cool my skin, but no matter where I went that deafening heat followed.  

“I was hoping I would see you again,” purred a voice from behind me. 

I turned to find that piercing violet once more. “Of course why wouldn’t I be at the council meetings?” I ask, trying to act like I won’t be replaying this conversation in my mind when I return to bed tonight. 

“You’ve only been to four council meetings now, and your brother has a habit of keeping you locked up in the Spring Court.” he trails, drawing closer to the railing of which I’m leaning upon. 

“Well I intend to be at all of them from here on out,” I state.

“Any particular reason why?” he asks with a playful tone in his voice and I know what he’s insinuating. 

“Because I wish to be a part of the governing of my court, even though I am just a woman,” I say, evading his innuendo. 

“That’s a shame if you were part of my court you wouldn’t have such phrases like ‘just a woman’” he states almost as if he’s upset with the phrase. 

“I highly doubt that, women aren’t equals in any court,” I scoff. 

“What about Kallias and Viviane?” he asks. 

“What about them?” 

“Kallias sees Viviane as his equal, she is his mate and his High Lady,” he explains, stepping even closer to me, close enough that my skin starts to buzz again. 

“Viviane is special, everyone knows that,” I justify. 

“And you’re not?” he muses and my skin goes from buzzing to electrifying in three words. I feel his fingertips grazing my hand as if asking for permission. 

“My Lord we can’t do this,” I breathe out. 

“Call me Rhysand,” he says, stepping even closer. 

I step to the side, avoiding his advances, “My Lord, I won’t do this, I can’t do this.” I affirm. 

I see him bristle from my reluctance to call him by his name, “You’ll give into the idea of us. When you’re lying in that cold bed high up in the spring court thinking of all the ways I could warm it for you. When you’ve spent the week with nothing but this conversation on your mind,” he leans down to whisper in my ear. “This time next week you will beg for me to touch you, and I’ll happily oblige, mate.”

I’m so taken aback by his words that I can’t even form a quick witted response, I simply slid away and tried my best not to look back at him as I felt his gaze pierce my back. I nearly slam into Viviane and Kallias. 

“Y/n are you alright?” Viviane asks. 

“Yes, just feeling the heat of the summer court,” I lie, fanning my face. 

“Then you should come home with us today, it’s been so long since we had a girls night. I wish for your company." She smiles while taking my hand. 

“Shall we go home sister?” Tamilin appears, Lucien in tow. 

“Actually I think I’ll spend the night in the winter court with Viviane, she’s right,” I look at her and smile. “We haven’t had a girls night in quite a long time.”  

“Very well, I won’t get in the way of your sinful gossiping,” Tamilin smiles and leads Lucien away with him. 

If the summer court is sea salt and sun, then the winter court is pine and fresh fallen snow. Though they are opposites in every way, they are stunning in their own right, like all courts are. I’ve been here many times before to sit and talk with Viviane, she’s one of the only other ladies of nobility my age and a fierce friend. It’s not uncommon for me to spend a couple days here in the winter court, with Viviane and Kallias. 

I sit among a bed of furs near a warm fire adjacent to Viviane as Kallias pours both me and his mate a glass of red wine. 

“Thank you dear,” she smiles, kissing him on the cheek before he leaves us to gossip. 

“You and Kallias really are a perfect match,” I beam and Vivianane knows me well enough to know that there's a sadness there. 

“You’ll find it too someday, your mate. I know you will,” she assures me. “Now tell me, what of Lucien?” 

I roll my eyes taking a sip of my wine, “He’s still insufferable. The other day he backed me into a wall and if one of my ladies maids hadn’t walked in I swore he would’ve had his way with me.” 

She lets out an airy laugh, “I still can’t believe Tamiln allows him to play with you like that. He’s so fiercely protective of you with everyone else.” she says, taking a sip of her own wine. 

“Lucien is his best friend, he wouldn’t deny him anything, even his little sister.” I point out. 

“I suppose you’re right,” she smirks. The night is filled with goblets of wine and laughter as we continue to talk about the high lords of Prythian. We even go as far as to talk about her and Kallais’ sex lives, to which Kallias promptly came in laughing taking his wife to bed. 

I trudge down the hall to the bedroom the High Lord and Lady had set aside just for me a few years ago. I fall into the plush mattress, the world slightly spinning around me. The second I am left alone with my thoughts I recall the feeling of Rhysand’s breath on my neck and I shiver. 

The room spins and I feel my skin grow hot with need, my heart beats faster and my  head is drunk with that shade of violet. My hand subconsciously drifts down my body. 

You’re drunk? A voice cuts through my head. 

I sit up right and look around the room. The only thing I find is the flickering of the fireplace against the walls. 

The same voice chuckles and speaks again, No I am not in the room with you my mate.

“How are you doing this?” I ask in my head.

The daemati gift, and of course, I am your mate. The High Lord croons. 

“Get out of my head” I grumble. 

But you called for me, I can feel your… excitement.

“Then you're mistaken,” I hiss.

We both know that’s not true darling. 

“Goodnight,” I groan, rolling over to go to bed.

Goodnight, darling

The following days are long. Despite my better wishes there is a part of me that yearns to see the High Lord of Night again. I waltz through the spring court, picking flowers for the dinner table and evading Lucien’s advances. At night I find myself obsessively reading the romance novels I keep beside my bed. On one night in particular a certain scene in my book makes my toes curl and my thighs clench. My fingers skim the pages and the roughness of them is almost heightened. 

My my my, what a dirty book. That voice croons into my mind.

“Get out of my head,” I gripe. 

I can’t help myself when I feel your body react as it does. He purrs. 

“How on earth can you ‘feel’ my body?” I roll my eyes.

Like this. 

A tug reverberates through my body. Like there’s a string in the pit of my stomach that he just pulled. The sensation causes me to lose a breath as further arousal goes to my legs. He lets out a dark chuckle. 

“Don’t ever do that again,” I order him

But you loved it so much, He purrs and I can practically feel him smirking in my head. 

“You’re an insufferable bastard High Lord,” I growl at his persistence. 

Call me Rhysand. 

“I see no reason to drop informalities, my lord.” I quip back. 

My name will fall from your lips one day, and when it does I’ll be sure to swallow it with my own. Until then, I’ll leave you with this. Goodnight darling. 

I feel another tug at the bond reverberating through me and I nearly let out a moan at the feeling. I snuggle into my sheets that suddenly feel as if they are constricting around my body. I toss and turn and try to push all thoughts from my mind, but I can’t stop the idea of the High Lord's lips on mine. His night black hair in my hands, the way his moans might fall from those lips.

The next morning I take my breakfast in one of the lounge areas, still reeling from last night. My thoughts still wander to the image of his face, and how his eyes light me on fire. The door opens and a head of auburn hair pokes in. 

“Forgive me, I didn’t know you were in here,” Lucien says like he has regret, yet he sits down across from me. 

“No worries, I'm almost finished eating,” I reply, placing my tea down and getting ready to get up.. 

“And I secretly hoped to spend some time with you,” he sighs, sinking into the couch. 

“Perhaps later, I wanted to read in the garden,” I stand and make my way towards the door. 

“Perhaps now,” he growls. I feel a cold hand grasp my arm hauling me into the wall. 

“Lucien,” I hiss as my back is pressed into the wall, his frame looming over mine. 

“You are such a tease,” he smirks before kissing my neck hungrilly. His hands roam my body pulling me impossibly close. 

“I’ve never once given you any inclination that I wanted you,” I gripe at him. 

“That’s what makes you so desirable my dear,” he practically moans into my neck. 

I gather my strength and push him off of me, “I’ll remind you that I am Tamlin’s little sister and while he favors you his favor only goes so far. One word from me and he’ll send you back to the Autumn Court.” I growl at him, and it seems to be enough as he backs away and leaves me to reel from what just happened in silence. 

I sit down on the couch and take deep breaths to ground myself. 

What’s going on? Are you alright? That voice like glorious night cuts through my mind and I almost feel thankful for how it brings me back to reality. 

“Yes I’m fine,” I say back. 

What happened? I felt your fear through the bond.

“It’s nothing, just Lucien.” I dismiss him. 

Did he touch you? 

I almost swore I heard anger laced in his voice. “Well I am his favorite plaything,” I roll my eyes.

And Tamlin allows him to touch you like this? 

“As long as my virtue isn’t completely compromised so that I am still of value when he inevitably marries me off, yes. He doesn’t care.” I divulge, and quite stupidly I realize. 

As if I needed another reason to hate him.

“He is still my brother, my Lord,” I remind him, though I secretly feel the same. 

Don’t you mean, Rhysand?

“No I don’t, my Lord,” I say, drawing out the last words. 

I’ll see you tomorrow my darling, I relish the idea of seeing you in the golden light of the day court. 

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

The Radio Times magazine from the 29 July-04 August 2023 :)

THE SECOND COMING

How did Terry Pratchett and Neil gaiman overcome the small matter of Pratchett's death to make another series of their acclaimed divine comedy?

For all the dead authors in the world,” legendary comedy producer John Lloyd once said, “Terry Pratchett is the most alive.” And he’s right. Sir Terry is having an extremely busy 2023… for someone who died in 2015.

This week sees the release of Good Omens 2, the second series of Amazon’s fantasy comedy drama based on the cult novel Pratchett co-wrote with Neil Gaiman in the late 1980s. This will be followed in the autumn by a new spin-off book from Pratchett’s Discworld series, Tiffany Aching’s Guide to Being a Witch, co-written by Pratchett’s daughter Rhianna and children’s author Gabrielle Kent. The same month, we’ll also get A Stroke of the Pen, a collection of “lost” short stories written by Sir Terry for local newspapers in the 70s and 80s and recently rediscovered. Clearly, while there are no more books coming from Pratchett – a hard drive containing all drafts and unpublished work was crushed by a vintage steamroller shortly after the author’s death, as per his specific wishes – people still want to visit his vivid and addictive worlds in new ways.

Good Omens 2 will be the first test of how this can work. The original book started life as a 5,000-word short story by Gaiman, titled William the Antichrist and envisioned as a bit of a mashup of Richmal Crompton’s Just William books and the 70s horror classic The Omen. What would happen, Gaiman had mused, if the spawn of Satan had been raised, not by a powerful American diplomat, but by an extremely normal couple in an idyllic English village, far from the influence of hellish forces? He’d sent the first draft to bestselling fantasy author Pratchett, a friend of many years, and then forgotten about it as he busied himself with continuing to write his massively popular comic books, including Violent Cases, Black Orchid and The Sandman, which became a Netflix series last year.

Pratchett loved the idea, offering to either buy the concept from Gaiman or co-write it. It was, as Gaiman later said, “like Michelangelo phoning and asking if you want to paint a ceiling” The pair worked on the book together from that point on, rewriting each other as they went and communicating via long phone calls and mailed floppy discs. “The actual mechanics worked like this: I would do a bit, then Neil would take it away and do a bit more and give it back to me,” Pratchett told Locus magazine in 1991. “We’d mess about with each other’s bits and pieces.”

Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch – to give it its full title –was published in 1990 to huge acclaim. It was one of, astonishingly, five Terry Pratchett novels to be published that year (he averaged two a year, including 41 Discworld novels and many other standalone works and collaborations).

It was also, clearly, extremely filmable, and studios came knocking — though getting it made took a while. rnvo decades on from its writing, four years after Pratchett's death from Alzheimer's disease aged 66, and after several doomed attempts to get a movie version off the ground, Good Omens finally made it to TV screens in 2019, scripted and show-run by Gaiman himself. "Terry was egging me on to make it into television. He knew he was dying, and he knew that I wouldn't start it without him," Gaiman revealed in a 2019 Radio Times interview. Amazon and the BBC co-produced with Pratchett's company Narrativia and Gaiman's Blank Corporation production studios, with Michael Sheen and David Tennant cast in the central roles of Aziraphale the angel and Crowley the demon. The show was a hit, not just with fans of its two creators, but with a whole new young audience, many of whom had no interest in Discworld or Sandman. Social media networks like Tumblr and TikTok were soon awash with cosplay, artwork and fan fiction. The original novel became, for the first time, a New York Times bestseller.

A follow up was, on one level, a no-brainer. The world Pratchett and Gaiman had created was vivid, funny and accessible, and Tennant and Sheen had found an intriguing romantic spark in their chemistry not present in the novel.

There was, however, a huge problem. There wasn't a second Good Omens book to base it on. But there was the ghost of an idea.

In 1989, after the book had been sold but before it had come out, the two authors had laid on fivin beds in a hotel room at a convention in Seattle and, jet-lagged and unable to sleep, plotted out, in some detail, what would happen in a sequel, provisionally titled 668, The II Neighbour of the Beast.

"It was a good one, too" Gaiman wrote in a 2021 blog. "We fully intended to write it, whenever we next had three or four months free. Only I went to live in America and Terry stayed in the UK, and after Good Omens was published, Sandman became SANDMAN and Discworld became DISCWORLD(TM) and there wasn't a good time."

Back in 1991, Pratchett elaborated, "We even know some of the main characters in it. But there's a huge difference between sitting there chatting away, saying, 'Hey, we could do this, we could do that,' and actually physically getting down and doing it all again." In 2019, Gaiman pillaged some of those ideas for Good Omens series one (for example, its final episode wasn't in the book at all), and had left enough threads dangling to give him an opening for a sequel. This is the well he's returned to for Good Omens 2, co-writing with comic John Finnemore - drafted in, presumably, to plug the gap left Pratchett's unparalleled comedic mind. No small task.

Projects like Good Omens 2 are an important proving ground for Pratchett's legacy: can the universes he conjured endure without their creator? And can they stay true to his spirit? Sir Terry was famously protective of his creations, and there have been remarkably few adaptations of his work considering how prolific he was. "What would be in it for me?" he asked in 2003. "Money? I've got money."

He wanted his work treated reverently and not butchered for the screen. It's why Good Omens and projects like Tiffany Aching's Guide to Being a Witch are made with trusted members of the inner circle like Neil Gaiman and Rhianna Pratchett at the helm. It's also why the author's estate, run by Pratchett's former assistant and business manager Rob Wilkins, keeps a tight rein on any licensed Pratchett material — it's a multi-million dollar media empire still run like a cottage industry.

And that's heartening. Anyone who saw BBC America's panned 2021 Pratchett adaptation The Watch will know how badly these things can go when a studio is allowed to run amok with the material without oversight. These stories deserve to be told, and these worlds deserve to be explored — properly. And there are, apparently, many plans afoot for more Pratchett on the screen. You can only hope that, somewhere, he'll be proud of the results.

After all, as he wrote himself, "No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone's life is only the core of their actual existence."

While those ripples continue to spread, Sir Terry Pratchett remains very much alive. MARC BURROWS

DIVINE DUO

An angel and a demon walk into a pub... Michael Sheen and David Tennant on family, friendship and Morecambe & Wise

Outside it's cold winter's day and we're in a Scottish studio, somewhere between Edinburgh and Glasgow. But inside it's lunchtime in The Dirty Donkey pub in the heart of London, with both Michael Sheen and David Tennant surveying the scene appreciatively. "This is a great pub," says Sheen eagerly, while Tennant calls it "the best Soho there can be. A slightly heightened, immaculate, perfect, dreamy Soho."

Here, a painting of the absent landlord — the late Terry Pratchett, co-creator, with Neil Gaiman, of the series' source novel — looms over punters. Around the corner is AZ Fell and Co Antiquarian and Unusual Books. It's the bookshop owned by Sheen's character, the angel Aziraphale, and the place to where Tennant's demon Crowley is inevitably drawn.

It's day 74 of an 80-day shoot for a series that no one, least of all the leading actors, ever thought would happen, due to the fact that Pratchett and Gaiman hadn't ever published any sequel to their 1990 fantasy satire. Tennant explains, "What we didn't know was that Neil and Terry had had plots and plans..."

Still, lots of good things are in Good Omens 2, which expands on the millennia-spanning multiverse of the first series. These include a surprisingly naked side of John Hamm, and roles for both Tennant's father-in-law (Peter Davison) and 21-year-old son Ty. At its heart, though, remains the brilliant banter between the two leading men — as Sheen puts it, "very Eric and Ernie !" — whose chemistry on the first series led to one of the more surprising saviours of lockdown telly.

Good Omens is back — but you've worked together a lot in the meantime. Was there a connective tissue between series one of Good Omens and Staged, your lockdown sitcom?

David: Only in as much as the first series went out, then a few months later, we were all locked in our houses. And because of the work we'd done on Good Omens, it occurred that we might do something else. I mean, Neil Gaiman takes full responsibility for Staged. Which, to some extent, he's probably right to do!

Michael: We've got to know each other through doing this. Our lives have gotten more entwined in all kinds of ways — we have children who've now become friends, and our families know each other.

There have been hints of a romantic storyline between the two characters. How much of an undercurrent is that in this series.

David: Nothing's explicit.

Michael: I felt from the very beginning that part of what would be interesting to explore is that Aziraphale is a character, a being, who just loves. How does that manifest itself in a very specific relationship with another being? Inevitably, as there is with everything in this story, there's a grey area. The fact that people see potentially a "romantic relationship", I thought that was interesting and something to explore.

There was a petition to have the first series banned because of its irreverent take on Christian tropes. Series two digs even more deeply into the Bible with the story of Job. How much of a badge of honour is it that the show riles the people who like to ban things?

David: It's not an irreligious show at all. It's actually very respectful of the structure of that sort of religious belief. The idea that it promotes Satanism [is nonsense]. None of the characters from hell are to be aspired to at all! They're a dreadful bunch of non-entities. People are very keen to be offended, aren't they? They're often looking for something to glom on to without possibly really examining what they think they're complaining about.

Michael, you're known as an activist, and you're in the middle of Making BBC drama The Way, which "taps into the social and political chaos of today's world". Is it important for you to use your plaform to discuss causes you believe in?

Michael: The Way is not a political tract, it's just set in the area that I come from. But it has to matter to you, doesn't it? More and more as I get older, [I find] it can be a real slog doing this stuff. You've got to enjoy it. And if it doesn't matter to you, then it's just going to be depressing.

David, Michael has declared himself a "not-for-profit" actor. Has he tried to persuade you to give up all your money too?

David: What an extraordinary question! One is always aware that one has a certain responsibility if one is fortunate and gets to do a job that often doesn't feel like a job. You want to do your bit whenever you can. But at the same time, I'm an actor. I'm not about to give that up to go into politics or anything. But I'll do what I can from where I live.

Well, your son and your father-in-law are also starring in this series. How about that, jobs for the boys!

David: I know! It was a delight to get to be on set with them. And certainly an unexpected one for me. Neil, on two occasions, got to bowl up to me and say, "Guess who we've cast?!"

How do you feel about your US peers going on strike?

David: It's happening because there are issues that need to be addressed. Nobody's doing this lightly. These are important issues, and they've got to be sorted out for the future of our industry. There's this idea that writers and actors are all living high on the hog. For huge swathes of our industry, that's just not the case. These people have got to be protected.

Michael: We have to be really careful that things don't slide back to the way they were pre the 1950s, when the stories that we told were all coming from one point of view and the stories of certain people, or communities within our society, weren't represented. There's a sense that now that's changed for ever and it'll never go back. But you worry when people can't afford to have the opportunities that other people have. We don't want the story that we tell about ourselves to be myopic. You want it to be as inclusive as possible

Staged series 3 recently broadcast. It felt like the show's last hurrah — or is there more mileage? Sheen and Tennant go on holiday?

David: That's the Christmas special! One Foot in the Algarve! On the Buses Go to Spain!

Michael: I don't think we were thinking beyond three, were we?

So is it time for a conscious uncoupling for you two — Eric and Ernie say goodbye?

David: Oh, never say never, will we?

Michael: And it's more Hinge and Bracket.

David: Maybe that's what we do next — The Hinge and Bracket Story. CRAIG McLEAN

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

idk if you write threesomes or not, but plsplspls do something spicy with izzy stradlin and dave mustaine. yk how i come up with the combo if you've seen that pic of them 🤭 (my cute boys omgomg)

A/n: I don't think I've written a threesome until this point (except for the gnr gangbang thing) so I hope I wrote this good? Also going through a writers block so please bear with me <3

Warnings: Smut, threesome, fingering (f receiving), oral sex (f + m receiving), double penetration, if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

You had no idea how it ended like this, honestly even how it started was a bit of a blur.

You’d been waitressing at a club, making just enough to pay rent for your apartment. It was a normal night, busy as per usual. Guns N’ Roses had come in, Megadeth trailing behind shortly after. While it was unusual for such big bands to come in it wasn’t unheard of. You sold booze, it’s dangling chum for sharks.

You’d spoken to them a few times because they happened to sit at your tables, never did you expect that to have led to now when lead singer Dave Mustaine had his cock down your throat while rhythm guitarist Izzy Stradlin was behind you, fingering you and getting you ready for the rest of the night.

You gagged around Dave’s girth, tears already trickling down your red cheeks. Izzy’s long, skilled fingers fucked you nice and slow, learning every part of you, what made the sweetest moans come from you. They’d vibrate around Dave who groaned in satisfaction.

Izzy pulled out of you for a moment and got on his back, pulling you down to sit on his face. He lapped at your folds like his life depended on it, his nose bumping your swollen clit over and over again and bringing you closer to the edge.

You could feel Dave twitching in your throat and you knew he was close as well. When Izzy moved to suck your clit you came hard on his face, grinding down on him to get every ounce of pleasure you could.

Dave pulled out and jerked his cock a few times before cumming on your face.“Oh, fuck, look at that pretty face.” He gleamed, tapping his tip on your cheek. “Izzy, come look at her.” Izzy gave a final kiss to your clit before going to see what Dave was seeing. Your tear stained cheeks and bruised lips, covered in cum.

“Fuck.” Izzy sighed, taking your face in his hands and kissing you, biting your lips with such passion.

Dave chuckled and moved behind you, slipping his cock through your slick folds before pushing into you, causing you to moan into Izzy’s mouth. “Like being stuffed full, huh?” Dave mused.

“No,” Izzy hummed his infamous word, “she can take more, can’t you, sweetheart?” He lifted you up, and you fell back onto Dave’s chest. The ginger was quick to wrap his arms around you, keeping you upright.

Izzy kneeled in front of you, stroking himself a few times before pushing into you. You whined at the sting from the stretch between your legs, god you felt like you were being torn in two.

Izzy held your face again and kissed you sweetly, polar opposite to the other feelings you were having. Dave joined him and kissed the back of your neck, wanting to relax you as much as possible.

The initial pain subsided to make room for pleasure as they started moving, filling you up so good and hitting every spot. You held onto Izzy’s shoulders, needing to hold onto something as you were sandwiched between the two.

One of Dave’s hands went to rub your clit and it sent you over the edge a second time. Your eyes rolled back, your nails dug into Izzy’s shoulder blades which seemed to hit a nerve somewhere in him because his hips snapped into you and he came with a soft moan in your ear, his big hands holding your thighs and squeezing them gently.

Dave was quick to follow, fast grunts matched with even needier thrusts. “Fuck, so fucking tight, so fucking good.” He muttered before finally cumming inside you as well.

Several moments passed before they pulled out, having waited until they’d both calmed down. Both their cum dripped out of you and onto the bed, mixed white liquids pooling between your legs.

Dave pulled you close to him and had you lie down, you face now inches away from the puddle of cum. “Be a good slut and clean up for us.” He smacked your ass an Izzy laughed as he lit a cigarette.

[purin-gambler]

‘a piece of advice’ - suna rintaro

wc: 1.3k

cw: timeskip spoilers, minimal cursing

⚄ notes: bestfriend suna, fem reader, fluff, heavy implications of romantic feelings, suna might be terribly in love you as way more than friends- but you didnt hear that from me, mentions of past failed dates, suna kinda clowning atsumu at one point ( affectionate )

☁︎ a/n: i kept thinking about this troupe with suna??? the ‘hes your best friend but hes in love in you and is tired of seeing you go through other men that isnt him’ troupe and ughhh i had to write it myself. this was supposed to be a drabble oops, but i started to write it like a fic… i just might love this man. like a lot.

“i told you. you shouldve listened to me.” suna’s expression through the handheld device was deadpanned, as he knew from the very second your contact name popped up onto his phone for a video call, he would have to pull the ‘i was right, you were wrong’ card on you. all on the very same evening you would come home from this blind date, he would remind you of your decisions, and hed only received a huff of your breath in response.

clicking suna’s contact name and dialing his number was a common reflex at this point. especially during times like these. suna made it all too accessible to talk to him, knowing that he had no excuse not to answer, since the man was always glued onto that device of his no matter what situation he found himself in.

with all the times youve called, he would answer before the first ring had even rung, never wasting a second, always immediate to talk to you as if he were waiting to hear your voice again.

his willingness to chat and your endless rambles made it easy to connect, considering he was all over the country for the sake of his volleyball career. so video calls like the one you found yourselves in now were more common than youd like to admit. calls where suna found himself taking it easy in his hotel room, miles upon miles away from you to participate in a volleyball match the following morning. while you on the other hand, are on the line ranting in a frustrated manner to him. the opposite demeanors in your personalities clashing at this very moment, suna unsure of what to make of your current rambling outbursts of disappointment.

because calls like these were about men that werent him, taking you out on dates, and disappointing you again.

“i cant believe you went on a blind date with a guy atsumu set you up with.” he sneered.

with an elbow prompted against your desk to support your head resting on your hand, you slouched over your desk, the uncertainty of the matter apparent in your wavering tone. “but the guy sounded nice enough though… thought id give him a chance.”

hearing the way your voice faltered, he mused shortly after, “seemed nice? give him a chance? this guy walked out on you before you even got the bill.”

you watched the way he slouched back onto his chair, arms crossed, and not sparing you a second away from his disapproving gaze. “you couldve left first you know? but youre telling me you stayed, listen to him give you shit, watched him leave, and ended up paying the dinner for his sorry ass instead-?!”

silence was all that sat on the line, suna observing the expression sat onto your face. the display was clear as day, you embodied a disappointed frown that radiated your upsetness through his phone screen. all the time you wasted on some guy who couldn’t even spare you a glance, a ‘date’ that didnt care to let you utter a word, or understand you any more than just your name. an absolute waste of time he was, and it was a mutual agreement between the two of you. suna knowing well that you were way too good for him, and way too good for all these horrible excuses of dates you would find yourself going on. it was unfortunate to him that he knew all these experiences were accumulating in your memory, all too aware of the way they would tear you down.

these were absolutely memories you really didnt need. suna hadnt even experienced what you would tell him, but he began to grow frustrated with the way he had to hear you come home disappointed every single time. though he was never upset with you spilling all the details to him, in fact, he always encouraged it. always keeping an open ear to attentively listen to the spews of the pain and frustration you expressed onto him. listening to the way you explained how these dates wouldnt even give you the time of day. weather they had gotten too caught up in their distaste for your softer appearance, or found your personality unalienable with their own. your best friend couldnt deny his own disappointment that these guys were too stubborn to see you on a deeper level, hours gone on men who wouldnt dare to go as far as to desire any part of you. it upset him more than you knew, even though he never expressed all of it to you.

he just failed to understand time and time again, why they werent able to see you the way he did.

was it so hard? to love your curves of you body he found so beautiful, to love your face he was so happy to see, to love your voice that filled his heart with each of your words, to love the entirety of who you are and your existence without wanting to alter a single thing? he just couldnt understand.

because such a thing was as easy as breathing air for him.

loving you is just that easy.

“you know, atsumu can set volleyballs, not set you up on good dates. this better be the first and last time you take a suggestion like this from him.”

the stiffening weight of the silence between you both being fully broken once you responded with a grumbled, “lesson learned…” falling bitter from your tongue.

“good.”

though the frown on your face was all but faded, still all too prominent for his liking. he was fed up with this sight, because it was too familiar now. a light sigh escaped suna’s lips before he prompted himself forward, taking his phone into his hands.

“now give me the details. full name, photos- it can be some drivers license photo or some shitty thirst trap selfie- i dont care, occupation, date of birth- whatever atsumu showed and told you about. tell me everything.”

you scoffed in disbelief clearly laced with amusement, watching the way suna’s camera paused and cut off, indicating he was now tapping through his phone and opening up social media. ready for you to spill the details, until he was typing various combinations of your date’s name into the searchbar.

whatever he did with that information you provided him was far from your care or concern, knowing that suna was always just on his phone, doing who knows what. you assumed this was just him curiously trying to match a face to your story, since it wouldnt be the first time hes asked about these things.

though with you unaware of that growing irritation from your best friend on your behalf, you wouldnt have known that the second he found the guy, suna, with absolutely no hesitation, compiled together a little message to be sent his way. something he hadnt bothered doing before, but was sure as hell doing now. it was a message he couldve tied up in a little bow if he wanted to, hoping that it wouldve at least softened the blow of the contents written inside.

lets just say, the following morning, you received a heavily detailed apology from your previous date. a message which had caught you completely off guard and jolting you awake in the early hours of the day. staring at the detailed apology, you screenshotted the entirety of its pathetic glory, ready to relay the large paragraph to your best friend after his volleyball match later in the day.

if only you got to see the stupid look of pride on suna’s face after he received your messages.

[merchelsea]

hotel room - charles leclerc

pairing: charles leclerc + fem!reader

summary: charles decided to rent a room in a hotel that was not associated with f1 to take girls into without causing any drama, but it turns out that asking for extreme discretion on a cheap hotel is not a great idea.

author's note: this is obviously going to have a part two, i'm not a monster to leave you hanging like this

word count: 5,3k

part two

"hello?" you blurted out after a long minute of awkward silence in your hotel room. two men lay on your bed.

at first, you thought they were employees, but it took you exactly ten seconds to realize they weren't. first, because they stood there, just looking at you; second, because people who work in hotels don't typically carry louis vuitton suitcases.

"we didn't ask for room service." one of them told you. he had water-blue eyes, brown hair, a short beard, and a strong french accent.

"this is my room." you replied shortly. they exchanged puzzled glances while you stood there waiting.

"well, surely you got the number wrong. this one is mine." the other man said, showing you his key. the first man was handsome, but the second was exceptionally good-looking.

his green eyes, perfectly brushed brown hair, and the little facial hair he had fit together with the rest of his features, making him one of the most beautiful man you had ever seen. his accent was just as strong. were french men always this good-looking?

the logo on his red t-shirt, which you recognized all too well due to your tifosi brother's passion, left little doubt that he was likely in melbourne for the race.

"i did not" you insisted, showing him your own key. he furrowed his eyebrows and got up from your bed.

"they probably just gave you the wrong key." he had came closer and you handed him your key for him to see.

"no they didn't, i have this confirmed for the past two weeks. room 81 is mine." you had the right room, but so did he. and the worst part is that you both had your ways to prove it.

he looked back at his friend, and the three of you silently thought about what to do.

"call them, they must have an explanation for all of this." the blue-eyed man suggested. "i told you this wasn't a good idea." he mumbled to his friend, and french-number-two proceeded to follow french-number-one's advice.

they picked up immediately, and the ferrari fan asked someone to come. the silence lingered until a blonde woman, dressed in her work attire, entered the room.

"hello, sir. how can i help you?" she glanced you up and down dismissively. you thought, 'Bitch', but refrained from saying it out loud. you looked at the men to see if they had noticed, and french-number-one apparently had.

"we seem to have a complication here," he began. you moved closer, realizing that you were part of the problem too. "it looks like we both got the same room." he pointed at you.

the woman tilted her head to the side. "that's not possible." she said. a smile planted on her lips.

"well, obviously it is." you retorted, delicately handing her your phone for her to see the reservation. "just have one of us moved, please." you needed rest after a twenty-one-hour flight, and dealing with this was not what you had in mind.

"well, miss, that is not my job, but i'm pretty sure my colleagues can’t help you with that either." you and french-number-two stood silent as she explained that the hotel had run out of rooms due to the race happening in melbourne on sunday.

"what do people find so entertaining about this car thing, after all?" you mused aloud as you sat on the bed.

"oh, i don't know," the blue eyed laughed, while the green eyed looked at you, seemingly offended. you closed your eyes for a couple of seconds, trying to collect your thoughts. "well, can you tell your colleagues who deal with this to sort this out? you're not planning on making them share a room, are you?"

"no, sir. i’m sorry. you two can come with me, and i'll take you to talk to someone," she implored, begging them forgiveness with her eyes, though she never glanced your way.

whether she was desperate to get laid or they were important clients to the hotel, you couldn't help but feel enraged. you resisted the urge to scream, "i'm here too," and instead remained silent as you followed her to a more private area of the hotel.

the woman took you to a room that looked like an office, where a brunette sat behind a desk, wearing a superior expression. same expression that faded as soon as she looked the frenchman’s direction.

the blonde left the three of you alone, and the ferrari fan explained the situation to the woman behind the desk. she instructed you to sit, so she could make a call to figure out what happened. so you did, and in silence you heard her fingers press the numbers she intended.

your mind was elsewhere when the man next to you whispered, "what's your name?" his accent so strong that you were sure english wasn't his first language.

"y/n. what’s yours?" you whispered back.

"charles," he replied, his name matching the idea you had of him.

"now i can finally stop calling you french-number-two in my mind." you remarked. he furrowed his brows, and you cursed him for looking so good like this.

"wait, why is pierre french-number-one?" pierre was also a french name, you realized, amused by your accentology.

"he was the first one to talk, and everything about him just screams french." you explained.

"fair point, but I'm actually not french," Charles confessed. you looked at him with curiosity. “i’m monegasque.”

"that makes sense," you replied with a nod, and couldn't help but notice how well the name suited him.

"i’m sorry, i figured out what happened," the woman interrupted, her tone now more professional. "firstly, I would like to apologize to both of you for all of this mess. miss, you reserved and paid for the room two weeks ago, while..." she gestured toward charles. "you called us later. it turns out the person you spoke to that day is a fan of yours and gave you our best room without checking. we are very, very sorry, for this misfortune and we'll do everything we can to provide you with some comfort."

charles and you exchanged glances. you were curious with what she said about a fan, but you decided not to ask. on the other hand, he was preoccupied with how unprofessional this situation was turning out to be.

"well, 'comfortable' would be if we could have separate rooms," the, now known as monegasque, complained.

"that, i cannot offer, but we can transfer one of you to our affiliate hotel, which is an hour and a half from here and offers excellent service quality." anything that didn’t mess things up like this would be great.

both charles and you shook your heads in unison, declining the offer.

"it's too far from where i have to be." you informed her, hoping that charles had plans close to this hotel she talked about.

"exactly, it's too far for me too." he confirmed, and luck seemed to be as far from you as possible, even when you needed the most.

"i'm very sorry, but it appears you'll have to share the room." the woman concluded.

you took a deep breath and left the room before you could say something offensive. charles followed you.

"we can make this work," he said.

"we better." you replied with a sigh.

"i need some sleep too," you groaned when charles asked you to vacate the room until 2 a.m.

"it's friday! why are you planning on sleeping at 6 p.m. on a friday?"

"because i just endured an incredibly long and exhausting flight. i'm desperate for some rest." you explained as you collapsed onto the bed, struggling to keep your eyes open.

"why don't we let you do that now, and then pierre here can pick you up later so I can have the room for a couple of hours? you can sleep as much as you'd like when you return, i promise." charles suggested, making a last offer.

he had given up hope right after revealing his plans to you, mainly due to the disapproving look you gave him. it's not an everyday thing that you're asked to leave your room just because your unexpected roommate wanted to have a girl over.

"i want fresh sheets when i get back." you demanded as you headed to the bathroom to change into more comfortable sleepwear. the monegasque nearly jumped for joy when you agreed to this insanity.

"thank you, thank you, thank you." he repeated numerous times to express his gratitude. you could still hear his excited exclamations inside the private compartment. suddenly, you remembered that you had no idea where you were going.

"pierre can pick me up to go where, exactly?" you raised your voice so they could hear you clearly.

they remained silent for a moment, and you understood that they hadn't thought this through. after all, this was a bad thing for the both of you.

"i know of a few clubs i can take you to, i guess," pierre yelled back, his uncertainty evident in his tone.

"what do you wear to a club in melbourne?"

"something nice, i don't know, i'm not a woman. just wear whatever you wear to a club." you chuckled to yourself and returned to the bedroom.

"okay," you said, facing them again and ready to get some rest. "now, you two french things, get out. i'm going to catch up on some jet lag."

"i'm not french." charles mumbled as he exited the room, followed closely by pierre.

the actual frenchman retorted, "i don't think she cares at the moment."

with that, you found yourself alone, left only with your exhaustion and the comforting embrace of your bed.

you stirred awake, the relentless pounding in your head a cruel reminder of the little sleep you had. slowly, you opened your eyes, and the now familiar blue gaze of pierre greeted you.

"hey," he began with an apologetic tone, "charles insisted i wake you up. i'm sorry."

sleepily, you tried to check the time, scanning the unfamiliar room for a clock, anything to anchor you to melbourne's time zone.

"it's around ten, i think." pierre informed you once he realized what you were trying to do. he settled on the edge of the bed when you decided to sit up. "you need to go get ready, i'll take you to eat something."

"what are you? my body guard?" you smiled to him, still dizzy. the four hours you slept doing nothing but giving you a headache. "i can get my own food pierre."

he quickly shook his head. "charles would murder me." he confesses, his words leaving you puzzled. your groggy expression must have been quite evident. "i think the remorse is kicking in. he even tried to bribe me to stick by your side."

"how thoughtful of him," irony slips through your smile as you speak. "he does realize i would have preferred if he'd just let me sleep instead?"

"his brain has its limits." he lets out a chuckle and you sight, needing much more of that sleep you just woke up from.

dragging yourself out of bed, you clutched your suitcase and shuffled into the bathroom, determined to transform into a club worthy version of yourself.

with time in short supply, you limited your skincare routine to a quick facial cleanse and your trusty hydrating lotion. makeup took you, surprisingly, just a few minutes; you decided to go for a no-makeup, makeup look. the real problem lay in choosing the right outfit.

in your haste, it seemed you had packed either too much or too little to this club. with your birthday at the door, you had plans to party, socialize, and maybe even get a little wild. yet, the occasion left you stuck between a simple cropped top and jeans or your favorite dress, which felt a bit too extravagant.

of course you had tons of clubbing clothes with you, but you couldn't wear those. you soon enough realized they weren't regular people who worked in offices, and now that you knew charles even had fans it was all a lot more complicated. so where do people, who seem to be famous, take the girl that's stuck sharing a room with their friend?

that's when your white skirt caught your eye. it hugged you figure perfectly as if made specifically for you to use it. a quick search revealed the white, long sleeved top you'd thrown into the bag last minute. together, they formed the ideal clothing for the night ahead.

this may not have been part of your initial plans, but you were determined to make the most of it and fulfill your primary goal for this trip — meeting new people.

you step out of the bathroom, fully prepared to head out to wherever pierre decides to take you. he lounges on the bed, engrossed in his phone until you approach and gently pat his knee.

"get up." you instruct him, and his gaze sweeps up and down your body. it's only then that you take notice of his outfit – light blue jeans paired with a simple white shirt. it's casual yet an excellent choice.

you briefly wonder if you might be overdoing, but the thoughts quickly dissipate. "you certainly know how to dress for a night out in melbourne." he says, referencing your previous conversation.

"i wasted a considerable amount of time picking out these clothes," you admit and motion for him to rise so you can tidy the bed.

in a matter of minutes, your suitcase has been stowed away, and your phone now rests securely in your purse.

"what are you in the mood for dinner?" he inquires as you leave the room behind, ensuring everything is clean and ready for charles' girl later.

"anything," you reply, your hand instinctively moving to your stomach. "literally anything, i'm starving." you add, emphasizing your hunger.

"alright then, we’re going for italian" he decides, and you nod in agreement, already imagining the delectable Italian dishes that await, making your stomach growl even louder.

after returning to the room, well past 3 a.m., you tiptoed in to find charles cocooned in the sheets, presumably asleep. you quietly went to your suitcase, took your pajamas, and moved to the bathroom. after changing, you removed all you makeup, getting your face clean before heading out to bed. you hadn't put on that much, but you didn't like to sleep with it.

with hushed movements, you fetched your charger and silenced your phone, choosing to ignore your friend's texts.

the night had exceeded your expectations. initially hesitant when they suggested going out with pierre, who by then was a complete stranger, you eventually embraced the idea of this little escape.

pierre took you to a charming restaurant that couldn't be more your vibe. the ambiance, delicious food, and nice people made it a really great experience. you mentally thanked whatever god made you go out with this french stranger.

after getting to know each other a bit, you both headed to a club where you met a lot of new people, including some of pierre's friends. you couldn't have been happier about skipping that sleep.

as you slipped under the blankets, a voice startled you, "it's past three."

whispering, you responded to charles, "i thought you were asleep."

"i'm not, but it's past three," he repeated, his voice heavy with sleepiness.

"yeah, i know." you said, already nestled comfortably in bed.

"i told pierre to bring you back at two so you could rest; i've been waiting."

"oh, i met some of his friends and stayed a bit longer." you explained, turning your back to him. "are these sheets fresh?"

he chuckled softly, "yes. which friends did you meet?"

"a lot of people which i can't remember the names now. his girlfriend kika, a goddess. and some guy named lindo, landon, i think that's his name." you replied, still unsure of the pronunciation.

charles laughed at your attempt, "his name is lando. no 'i' or 'n'"

"not too far off," you quipped.

"if you say so..."

"oh, I have a question for you," you turned to face him, even if the room was in absolute darkness and you couldn't see a thing. "what do you guys work with? there were bodyguards and security procedures all night. i couldn't understand a damn thing."

an "oh" lingers in the air for a while. this was a topic the monegasque wanted to avoid as much as possible. he knew that you would figure it out, eventually, he just wanted to stick with "charles, the normal (french) dude" for a little longer.

"we're formula one drivers," he confesses. you burst into laughter. "i'm serious. i drive for ferrari, and pierre drives for alpine."

"shut up! you know lewis hamilton in person?" you didn't know much about motorsports, but c'mon, everyone knows lewis. "i do, actually." he's puzzled about why that was your first question.

"i recognized the logo on your shirt earlier. my brother's a fan, but i thought you were here just to watch the race."

"in a way, i am, just from a different perspective," he jokes. "how's your brother going to react when you tell him you're sharing a room with charles leclerc?"

"go back to sleep, charles leclerc." you tease, struggling to pronounce his name correctly.

"don't ever try that again." he laughs, turning his back to you.

"oh shut up." you playfully retorted.

you found yourself leaping onto your bed without bothering to check if charles was already there as night fell. meeting new people was exciting, but reuniting with old friends held a special charm. reconnecting with people ranked in the top three of your favorite things to do, even though it could be quite exhausting.

to be totally fair, you were tired because of the entire week you had just gone through. completing 26 out of 43 items on your bucket list was not easy, but you managed it all within a week and a day.

sharing the room with charles turned out to be much more enjoyable than expected. he was not only a genuinely nice guy but also a source of constant entertainment. when you went to bed, boredom was never an option as charles would introduce you to new games you'd never heard of and make you learn them to play with him.

it was really easy to get along with him, and you understood that as time passed and you were getting closer. sharing a room became something you no longer detested.

suppressing the urge to surrender to sleep, you got up to change and the next moments blurred together. all you could recall was your roommate entering a little while after you.

that’s until, in the middle of the night, your phone erupted with numerous notifications.

“geez, are you famous or something?” charles mumbled, awakened by the noise.

“it’s on your side, please turn it down." you groaned, covering your ears with a pillow. he reached for your phone but accidentally read one of the 47 notifications.

"happy birthday? is it your birthday?" he asked.

you buried your face in the pillow as more notifications poured in. "just turn that down," you demanded. "I love my friends, but this is too much." you knew they were doing it on purpose because of the lack of communication. this was their way of reminding you that you couldn’t be rid of them for so much time.

“it’s your birthday?” he inquired, sitting up.

“yeah, officially 22 now!” you replied, cursing the friends responsible for your rude awakening. exhausted, you had forgotten that your 6-hour nap was meant to be a quick one.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” charles exclaimed, throwing himself into an enthusiastic yet somewhat ungraceful hug. you laughed and thanked him. "why didn't you mention it earlier?"

“it didn’t come up.” you said, returning the hug.

"and do you have any plans for today?" he asked, returning to his original position.

"not really. i thought i might visit some places here in melbourne," you answered, rubbing your eyes.

"do you want to come watch the race then? consider it my birthday gift. if you'd mentioned it earlier, i would've prepared something better." the driver offered.

"i suppose the tickets must be sold out. have you seen how many people are here these past few days? there are no rooms since last week." you informed him.

"and you think I'd let you watch from the stands? no way. you'll… i mean, you would be in the Ferrari garage." he said with conviction.

"that sounds boring." you complain.

"is that a yes?" he asked, seeing a glimmer of a smile in your eyes. "i'll do my best to win, just for you."

“isn’t that your job?” you teased.

"yes, but doing it for you adds a little extra pressure," he admitted. you nodded in agreement, and he reclined again. "now, go to sleep. tomorrow is your big day."

"big day," you mimicked in a comical male voice, turning on your side. "thank you, charles."

"yeah, no problem." he replied. you couldn’t see him now, but you knew he was wearing a smile, and it made you smile too.

"wake up." you heard, your senses slowly returning. as you opened your eyes, you found kika, pierre's girlfriend, looking down at you.

what is it with people waking you up? it's always someone new.

"hey. it's time to get ready." even though your head was a big question mark, you did as she asked and sat up. she sat right before you.

"did charles sent you?" you inquired.

"no, he just told me you'd be coming to the race and since we've met that other night, i thought i would come to make you some company." she replied with a warm smile. "happy birthday, girl." she opened her arms for you and you embraced her immediately.

"thank you." you murmured into the hug. "do you want to get ready together?" you proposed. "i'm going to need some guidance."

"of course." her smile was the most beautiful one you had ever seen and it made your heart melt. "i'll just have to leave you alone with all the birthday wishes to get something to wear, and i'll be back soon."

"okay, see you in a bit." as she left, the first thing you did was grab your phone and start replying the overwhelming (and exaggerated) number of messages from your friend group. after that, you called your brother, not only because he asked so but also to let him know where you would be spending the day.

when kika returned, you were on the phone with your mother, crying your heart out. she loved you so much, and her words never failed to touch your soul.

"i love you too, mum." you whispered and ended the call. francisca smiled at you from the other side of the room. "come on, let's get ready." you wiped away your tears and got up from the bed.

yesterday, while charles slept peacefully, your mind had traveled through your current wardrobe to find the perfect outfit to wear. you knew it had to be ferrari red, but it also needed to make you feel special because it was your birthday.

in the end, you chose the red dress you had recently purchased. it seemed perfect for the occasion. as you shuffled through your clothes to retrieve it, kika had a chance to admire the piece.

"oh my god, that dress is going to look so good on you." she exclaimed excitedly and you both smiled as you made your way to the bathroom.

kika opted for a white button-up oversized shirt paired with pink pants that you discovered matched the colors of alpine's livery. She looked gorgeous, as always.

as you expected, your dress fell amazingly on you body, and it was incredibly comfortable. it wasn't an overly extravagant party dress, but it was just right for special occasions like your birthday.

"so, tell me what's charles doing here." the brunette asked when you both started getting your faces ready for make-up.

"charles?" she confirmed, and you glanced at your reflection in the mirror, somewhat oblivious to what she was referring to. "what's he doing here?" she repeated the question. "sleeping?" you half-answered, half-asked.

"yeah, of course, but why is he sleeping here." your eyes met hers through the mirror, and you noticed the smile on her lips.

"because it's his hotel room too, i guess."

"pierre told me that, but why is he still sleeping in this room if he has the one ferrari got him? he has one, doesn't he?" she asked.

"i don’t know." the truth was, you hadn't even thought about it. the monegasque had never told you, and you never asked, so you assumed this was indeed his only room.

"okay i’ll try again. what's going on between you two?" she smiled at you, a knowing look in her eyes.

"nothing," you replied as quickly as the question got to you. "seriously, tell me. you can trust me." she persisted, trying to get something out of you.

"i am telling you, kika." you laughed. in her mind, it was obvious that something was going on because there was no way the charles leclerc she knew would trade a king-sized bed in a five-star hotel for a cheap one he'd have to share.

"are you seriously telling me there's nothing going on between you two when he ditched a rich and attractive model for you, is lying to his team to come sleep in this room when he probably has a much better one waiting for him every night, and hasn't been bar-hopping to stay here teaching you how to play chess? Not to mention that he's taking you to a race to meet his team and friends. do you know how many girls he took to watch a race?" the portuguese counted on her fingers dramatically, as if accusing you of a proper crime.

you continued doing your makeup as she spoke, but you didn't miss a single word. in fact, you paid close attention to everything she said, the words penetrating your bones and getting to your brain automatically.

"yes, i am telling you that." you began and she sighed in response. "what do you mean he ditched a hot model for me?" curiosity filled your body when you heard that, you had to ask.

"that first night when we met, i know he was supposed to meet up with her because she was also a friend of mine, but he didn't show up. when i asked pierre about it, the only thing he said was your name." your face displayed confusion as you applied some contour to your cheek. you stoped what you were doing right away.

you were confused, yes. but you were also slightly irritated, because if the driver hadn't gone to meet that model, you could have slept through the night and avoided the exhausting day that followed.

"i assumed you guys had fancied each other, like love at first sight or something." you shook your head to deny it and picked up your pencil to blend the previously applied contour.

"that did not happen." another sigh left her throat and a question lingered in the tip of your tongue, ready to come out as soon as you opened your mouth. you weren't sure if you should ask, but you were certain you wanted an answer. "the thing you said about the number of girls he took to a race. how many?"

her lips immediately curved as if she said 'nothing may have happened, but you are interested', and of course you were.

who wouldn't be? charles was majestic, a genuinely good guy who knows how to treat people right, and he looked like the most adorable person in the world while sleeping. you would be lying if you said you didn't find him attractive, but he appeared too friendly for you to believe that he even considered flirting with you.

"two, and they were his girlfriends at the time." the smile never left her lips, but your mind was far from her grin.

you eventually finished getting ready, and so did she, a few seconds after. you chatted the whole way to the paddock, only stopping to catch your breath. kika apologized to you for pressing you to tell her what she wanted to hear, but you didn't mind; you knew you would do the same if the roles were reversed.

your social anxiety flared up when francisca had to go in a different direction to reach the alpine garage, but it quickly dissipated when your eyes found a familiar face approaching you with a smile.

charles hugged you once he was close enough and whispered a quiet "hey." he was well aware of how risky it was to show affection in public, especially with all the shit press would give him and possibly even give you. let's just say that he didn't really care.

he guided you to the garage, where you met carlos sainz, his teammate, and bumped into lando, whom you had met on your first night in australia.

meeting lando brought back all the thoughts kika had shared earlier, and those thoughts stayed with you.

charles must have mentioned your birthday to his team because every person you passed by wished you a happy day. you graciously smiled and thanked them, walking by his side.

he briefly introduced you to everything you needed to know and hugged you goodbye when he had to go. you snapped a lot of pictures to send to your brother, and when the race started, you paid close attention to every moment.

the headphones made it harder to zone out as you normally would but you appreciated that. being new to this world, you didn't understand a single word you heard, but that didn't stop you from trying.

all you knew was that the team was incredibly pleased with charles and carlos's performance today. It was evident from their tone and the broad smiles on their faces.

the spark in their eyes intensified when charles overtook the last driver, securing his lead in the race. from what someone told you, a first and fourth-place finish was a significant achievement for scuderia ferrari, and you could know it was true by the fans' excitement.

both ferrari drivers managed to maintain their positions, finishing the race with what appeared to be an outstanding result. you weren't entirely sure what you were cheering for, but you were genuinely happy.

you celebrated with the team and watched the podium ceremony from a distance, still uncertain about where you should be and how to act. you applauded the number 16 and engaged in discussions about his performance with people who had a stake in the matter. from what you heard, he was a really good driver.

people all around you started to move to one direction, and you followed them with your gaze to find the one and only race winner already looking at you. he paused to chat and celebrate with his team, before moving up to you.

opening your arms for him, you embraced him, smiling from ear to ear, genuinely happy for his achievement, even if you didn't fully grasp the significance of a win.

"this one was for you. happy birthday." he whispered in your ear while still holding you close. "thank you, frenchie, and congratulations." you laughed into his shoulder. he playfully protested against your nickname for him but couldn't help but laugh too.

you were engrossed in conversation with him when suddenly, pierre and kika arrived with a cake. everyone in the tifosi garage began singing the "happy birthday" song.

your cheeks flushed, matching the color of your dress within seconds, and you covered your smile with your hands. you were genuinely grateful for these people who didn't even know you but were singing and clapping for you.

the cake they brought was adorned with all your favorite flowers, and now you understood charles' early morning question. as if he could read your thoughts, he approached you, smiling, and hugged you sideways while still singing with his weird accent.

pierre had came closer and at the end of the song you were able to blow out the candles. the smiles on their faces enchanted you, how they all seemed genuinely happy for you, even though it was the first time they had set their eyes on you.

they arranged a table in which pierre placed the cake, and someone handed you a knife to cut it. you, of course, offered the first slice to charles, not only because he knew you best but also because of everything he had done for you. all of this exceeded your expectations.

when you had decided to come to australia to spend some time alone, you could never have imagined what awaited you. not only did you meet new people, but you had also made friends, or at least one friend.

[starry-crossing-zone]

Nail Polish - Hunter (TBB)

Summary: After Omega shows an interest in some nail polish, you steal some for her. Hunter pretends to be annoyed. Length: 1816 words Warnings: Female Reader; Former Bounty Hunter Reader; No Physical Description of Reader; No Y/N Used; Pickpocketing; Mentions of Dark Pasts (Reader)

Walking through the busy streets of a Mid Rim planet, you kept a close eye on Omega as you made your way back to the Marauder. The Bad Batch had split up to gather supplies and you and Omega had been sent to get a new water purification filter, which was securely strapped to your chest.

“Come on, Meg, this way,” you directed, resting a hand on Omega’s shoulder.

“Wait, what’s that?” Omega asked, pointing at a stand to the side.

You glanced over before slowly leading Omega over to the small stand. A group of merchants greeted you as you approached, and you quickly sized them up. Glancing down at what Omega was curiously examining, you bent down to Omega’s height.

“That’s nail polish.”

“What’s its purpose?” Omega questioned, turning to you.

“You paint your fingernails or your toenails with it. It’s pretty to look at,” you explained to her.

“Is it permanent?”

“No, just temporary. It’ll last longer if you add more layers of it,” you continued, glancing over the various colors at the stall.

“And can you only pick one color?”

“No. You can pick as many as you want. In the Inner Rim, there’re artists that spend their whole day painting people’s nails.”

“Really?” Omega gasped, causing you to nod.

“Where are you two from?” the vender asked, eyeing the two of you.

“Outer Rim. Just passing through,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly. You stared down at Omega, who was still curiously studying the vials of nail polish. You paused for a moment before nudging Omega in the side. “Come on, Meg. Let’s get going. The boys will worry if we’re late.”

“Alright,” Omega agreed, setting the vial of nail polish back.

Bidding the venders goodbye, Omega and you turned to head back to where the Marauder was docked. You waited until you were a few streets over before sliding two vials of nail polish out of the hidden compartment in your vambrace.

“I thought that you liked these colors the best,” you stated quietly.

Omega’s eyes widened in surprise when she spotted the two vials of nail polish in your hand. She quickly grabbed them, smiling giddily, before she quickly connected the dots. Turning back to you, Omega frowned.

“When did you pay for these?”

“That’s not for you to worry about, Meg,” you dismissed, pushing Omega forward to stay on schedule. Omega hissed your name, looking around nervously.

“We can’t do that," she insisted.

“Why not?”

“It’s illegal.”

“Well, I can think of quite a few other illegal things that we’ve done,” you replied evenly, leading Omega into the docking bay. “We’ll just add it to the list.”

“How did you do it?” Omega asked curiously.

“That’s far from the most impressive move that I can pull off,” you stated, shooting Omega a smirk. “Come on, Meg, give me more credit than that.”

“Can you show me?”

“I don’t think that Hunter would approve of that,” you mused. After a moment, you added, “We can start tomorrow.”

Omega grinned, but you shot her a look to keep a low profile. Omega stowed the nail polish into her pockets as the two of you walked towards the Marauder. Tech looked up from his datapad and perked up when he spotted the water filter.

“Ah, just what I was waiting for.”

“Sorry, got a little sidetracked,” you replied, tossing it over to Tech.

“What kind of sidetracked?” Hunter asked, stepping off of the ship. “Imperial trouble?”

“Just some window shopping,” you spoke evenly, folding your arms over your chest. “Don’t get your bandana all in a twist.”

“We now possess all of the items that we needed to acquire on this pitstop. We should depart shortly, if we want to return to Ord Mantell for a new mission,” Tech announced, causing the Bad Batch to make their way onto the Marauder.

You were about to take your seat in front of the computer when Omega gestured for you to follow her to the back of the ship. Smiling, you headed back, missing the way that Hunter turned in his seat to look back at you. He heard the clinking of glass earlier when Omega and you approached, but now he was certain that it was coming from the two of you.

���Can you show me?” Omega asked quietly, holding out the vials.

“Give me your hand,” you instructed, sitting across from Omega.

Opening the nail polish bottle, you gently grabbed Omega’s right hand and started to apply the dark gray nail polish. Omega watched, fascinated, as you worked to carefully paint her nails.

“Where did you learn how to do this?”

“I used to paint nails. When I was about your age,” you explained elusively.

“For who?”

“A lady.”

“Did she paint her nails like this too?” Omega asked, causing you to shake your head as you switched to Omega’s thumb.

“No, she preferred this weird green color. It looked horrible but apparently it complimented her eyes.”

“Can I paint yours next?” Omega questioned, causing you to look up.

“Course you can. Maybe if you ask nicely, you can paint the boys’ nails too,” you mused, dipping the brush back into the polish.

“They didn’t have nail polish on Kamino,” Omega continued, causing you to nod.

“I wouldn’t expect the Kaminoans to have much need for it. Do they even have fingernails?” you snorted, working on Omega’s left hand. “But a lot of species use this stuff. And there’s other types of polish or things that people put on their nails. But you have to be really rich to get those.”

“Like what?”

“Some people get gems and other valuables embedded into their nails,” you explained, causing Omega to frown.

“Why?”

“The same reason that why rich people do most things. Because they can,” you stated a bit blunter than you intended.

“Did you ever get your nails painted?” Omega asked, causing you to shake your head. “The lady whose nails you painted, she never painted yours?”

“No,” you replied, placing the brush back into the vial and screwing the bottle shut.

“Why not?”

“She wasn’t as nice as I am,” you responded, not meeting Omega’s confused gaze. “Now, keep your fingers apart and don’t touch anything. You have to let the paint dry first. It could take some time, but I didn’t put too thick of a layer on it.”

“And then what?” Omega asked, looking at her newly painted nails.

“Then we can put another layer on, or I can start with the red,” you explained kindly. “Your choice, Meg.”

“What did you do when you painted nails before?”

“I would put another layer of the gray first,” you stated, causing Omega to nod. “It could make the polish a little more durable.”

“What do we have here?” Hunter drawled, leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded across his chest. He noted the nail polish bottles on the floor and paint on Omega’s nails. And even if she hid them, he would have smelled it. “I didn’t realize that we had a salon back here.”

Hunter’s gaze drifted over to you, and you stared back at him with some measure of defiance, knowing that the edge in his tone was directed at you. But Omega got in between the two of you.

“Look at my nails, Hunter!” she called, causing Hunter to turn to her. He bent down to her height and reached out to grab one of her hands, but Omega quickly drew them towards her chest. “Careful! The polish is still drying!”

“I’ll be careful,” Hunter assured Omega before looking down at her nails. “Dark gray, huh?”

“To match your armor,” Omega explained, causing Hunter to nod. “We got red too. She said that she’s going to do designs on my nails once the layers dry.”

 “Anything specific picked out?”

Omega turned to you with a questioning look, but you simply smiled and casually leaned back against your hands.

“It’s whatever you want, Meg. You get to pick,” you assured her.

After the top layers of the nail polish dried, you got to work on the red nail art that you promised Omega. You did a horizontal stripe to represent Hunter’s bandana, two adjacent dots to represent Tech’s goggles, an ‘H’ to represent Wreaker’s lula, and a ‘V’ to represent Echo’s kama. And then a '99' symbol too.

“They should be all set now,” you stated, causing Omega to smile and get to her feet.

You watched with an amused smile as Omega ran around and showed off her nails to every member of the Bad Batch. Wrecker seemed most excited for Omega, though the others offered her their praise in their own ways. And it wasn’t long before Omega was going around and painting all of their nails.

You walked over to where Hunter was sitting in front of the computer, watching as Echo offered Omega his hand. Wrecker was blowing on his nails, not wanting to disappoint Omega by ruining her hard work. You folded your arms over your chest, as Hunter had done earlier.

“You going to give me a lecture on pickpocketing again?” you asked him, not taking your eyes off of Omega.

“I’ll make an exception. This time,” Hunter replied, slowly turning to look at you. “I still don’t like it though.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” you stated, pushing off the computer table.

“Then why do you keep doing it?” Hunter asked, causing you to raise a playful eyebrow.

“Well, someone has to teach her how to have fun,” you responded, brushing past Hunter. He turned slowly in his chair, watching as you kneeled down beside Omega. You smiled at her work and offered some praise. “You’re getting the hang of it, Meg.”

“You think so? It’s still sloppy compared to yours,” Omega replied, glancing down at her own nails.

“With practice, comes perfection, as with everything else,” you assured her before standing up.

Walking past Hunter once again, you could feel his eyes on you, but kept walking. Hunter shook his head and turned around to find Wrecker staring at him with a grin. Nudging Hunter in the arm with his elbow, Wrecker let out a teasing laugh.

“Did you want her to do your nails, Hunter, huh?” he teased, causing Omega to pick her head up.

“She’s the best at it,” Omega vouched innocently.

“I’ll just wait for you, Omega,” Hunter replied awkwardly, sinking in his seat.

[seospicybin]

THAT SONG.

PART I

Han x reader. (s,f,a)

A chapter of On Tour.

Synopsis: Han forms a rock band with a help from you, his muse who is so cynical of love. (17,4k words)

Author's note: This is for my On Tour enthusiasts. Hope you like it x

Click here for That Song playlist.

It starts to annoy him how the vocalist keep messing up the chords. Instead of focus on playing his guitar and sing the lyrics right, he's busy making eyes with the girls standing in the front.

Han recognized one of them is you, he knows you because he shares a class with you and your writing recently won the university literary contest. But why would a beautiful and smart girl like you making the eyes with such a lousy, ego bigger than his actual skill guy?

Sure, the vocalist has the looks but he wouldn't look that good if he's playing the music himself. He missed the chords and been singing off key on the last two songs, no one noticed but Han.

Han doesn't even know why he agreed to help to fill the bass tonight but at least he'll get free beers tonight as an exchange. He's ordering his second bottle even though his first one is halfway finished. He turns to the side and finds you making your way toward him.

Han knows that it's good to be true if you're coming for him but he turns to the other side finding the incompetent vocalist gesturing you to come up to him. It's so rare for him to intervene with someone's business but Han really needs to stop you from making the wrong choices.

Next thing he knows, he outstretched his hand to stop you from going to the lousy guy, "Wait a minute!"

Your forehead wrinkles in confusion and he completely understands why.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," he says with a thin smile and quick comes up with an explanation, "it's obvious that he likes to sleep with a lot of girls and you're probably going to wake up with a terrible rash."

You tilt your head and thinly smile at him, "Thanks for the tip."

Han quietly let out a breath of relief, "well, you're a nice girl. You don't want to be with that kind of guy."

You purse your lips then takes a sip, "that's where you're wrong. I'm not a nice girl."

You take a another sip of beer before talking again, "and you're cockblocking your friend right now," you tell him, pointing to the talentless vocalist at the end of the bar counter.

"Friend?" Han asks, offended that you think he's friends with that rockstar wannabe.

"He's not my friend. He's a dick actually and I'm just filling for my friend," he shortly explains and now that he gets rid of Bon Jovi look alike, he can smile again.

You snicker and put your bottled beer down, "You're cute," you tell him.

That gets him flustered, no girl ever told him cute before.

"But you reek of romance and good intentions," you continue.

That gets him baffled because isn't that what girls are looking for?

"As opposed to what..." he leers over to the lousy vocalist.

"He's handsome and emotionally unavailable," you fill his blanks and start walking away from him.

Han can't believe he's lost to the lousy vocalist. As his final effort, he grabs you by your elbow to stop you from going.

"Look, I'm not looking for a nice guy. I don't do boyfriends, I don't date," you bluntly tell him.

"All I hear is don't, don't and... don't," he says in a baffling tone.

"Don't waste my time," you sharply add.

Han is aware that he's overstepping and slowly lets go of you, you're an adult anyway, you can do whatever you want and that includes doing things he doesn't want you to do.

"See you in class then," he says as he returns to his beer.

You turn around on your feet, "we share a class?"

"Creative writing," he replies without looking at you.

"What's your name again?" You ask, even though you haven't asked before.

He looks at you and answers, "Han."

You take that information with a nod then clink your bottle with him, "see you in class, Han!"

Then off you go, doing the things he doesn't want you to do and making it clear to him that a guy like him doesn't stand a chance with a girl like you. - It's inevitable seeing you in campus, especially in the class you share together.

Since you knew his name, you'd wave your hand at the sight of him but it's probably some sort of joke to you to remind him how he flirted with you that night and you rejected him right away.

Han is relentless to change your mind because it annoys him so much that you would rather flirt with someone who doesn't even have an ounce of your worth.

A few weeks later at the same bar, he approaches you after he sees you send a guy away from disagreeing with you on an argument.

"Guess you scare him off," he comments as he takes the seat of the expelled guy.

You scoff in disbelief at him then sips your beer.

"Do you want to get out of here?" He offers, shamelessly taking another shot with you.

You laugh and wipe your upper lip with your thumb, "Didn't I made it pretty clear that I have no interests on going out with you?"

Han calmly looks at you and smiles, "you and I are going to be friends," he casually remarks.

"But I don't want to be friends with you," you shortly reply, not hesitating to reject him again.

Well, Han can only take two rejection in a span of two months, he'll try again a few weeks... or maybe this is a sign for him to give up and raise the white flag. He brings his beer with him and finds somewhere else where he can quietly drinks his beer. He stops caring about your presence the more intoxicated he gets.

To his short luck, Han gets lightheaded and since he's coming to the bar alone with no friend who can assist him home, he stops drinking. He exits the bar and realizes how late it is from how crowded that he has to go through sea of people to find the door.

To sober up a little, he stands outside with the brick wall supporting him, his head is clouded with smoke coming from a group of people smoking next to him. He pulls out his phone to order a taxi when he hears your voice. His head snaps to the door of bar and sees you drunkenly walking to the side of the road, hailing your hand for a taxi.

He's about to help you getting one when a man gets to you first, holding you from behind and opens the taxi door for you.

"I want to go home," you slur your words at him.

He forces you to get inside the taxi, "we're going home, baby."

You refuse to get in and jump out of the taxi, "not with you," you tell him.

"My apartment is close so you're coming with me," he insists, pushing you back into the backseat of the taxi.

You push him away when he's about to get in after you, "No, I don't want to go home with you!"

It starts to cause a scene outside the bar and it doesn't take a genius to know that this guy is going to take advantage of you.

Han shoves his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and comes to take you away from him.

"She said she doesn't want to go with you," Han tells him right at his face, holding you steady with his hands on your shoulders.

"Who the fuck are you?" The man curses at him.

"I'm her friend!" He shortly replies despite he knows he got rejected to be your friend a few hours ago.

The man grabs you back from him and forces you to enter the taxi, "stay the fuck out of my business!"

Han shoves him back and he pulls you along with him as he's staggering to the back, sending you stumbling down the pavement.

"Ouch!" You wince in pain.

Han hurriedly helps you getting up and helps you get into the taxi.

"Stay away from you, you fucking prick!" Han warns him before getting into the taxi.

You whine in pain next to him, holding your scraped knee with your hand and lolling your head to the side, eventually resting your head on his shoulder.

"Where do you live?" Han asks, feeling bad if he has to grope you around to find for your ID or phone.

"I don't want to go home," you mumble to him.

You nuzzle your head into his neck and mumble again, "let come home with you."

Han has no other option but to take you to his messy apartment. Thankfully, you're too intoxicated to notice the piling dirty laundry or the pizza box he hasn't thrown out since last night. You run to the bathroom the second he unlocked the door and he uses the opportunity to tidy up his place, or more like, hiding the mess out of the plain sight.

He quickly grabs a clean towel from the dryer then knock on the bathroom door to give it to you. He hears the flushing sound then you open the door not long after.

"A clean towel," he offers.

You take it from him through the crack of the door and follow him outside.

"Can I borrow your clothes?" You suddenly ask.

It's like you speak a different language that he takes a moment for him to process such simple words, "my clothes?"

You meekly show him your clothes damp with drops of water, "I can't sleep in this."

"Clothes," he says with a blank expression and it takes him another moment to finally get to his closet, finding any proper clothes for you to wear.

He picks the most decent piece of clothing he has and he remembers his parents gifted him a pajama set, it's the perfect time to put it to use.

"Here," he accidentally startles you as you scan his records collection.

You take the folded clothes from him and not hesitate to take your clothes off on the spot. Han immediately turns his back at you to give you privacy even though he can clearly see you changing clothes from the reflection of the TV screen.

"Can I have a glass of water?" You ask.

"Sure," he dashes to the kitchenette and pours a glass of water which reminds him to grab the first-aid kit from the drawer.

"Thank you," you mutter as you take the glass of water from him.

"Can you please sit down?" He kindly asks.

The options are the bed or the worn-out couch filled with his books. You walk over to the bed and sits at the end of it. He squats down on the floor and looks up at you, "Do you mind if I take a look at your knee?"

You shake your head while holding the glass of water with both hands on your lap. He rolls up the obviously a size too big pajama pants and takes a closer look at your scraped knee. It doesn't look bad once he cleaned.

It's probably the alcohol that hasn't fully left your systems yet that makes you numb to the stings of alcohol pads make contact with your wounded knee. Next, Han dabs antibiotic ointment on the wound with a cotton bud and apply a bandage to finish.

"Thank you," you mutter again.

Wow! It's the first time he heard so many thank you in one night and it's coming from the person he didn't expect to hear it from.

"You can rest now," he says, gesturing you to sleep on the bed.

"And where are you going to sleep?" You ask.

"I can sleep..." his eyes drift to the messy couch and silently sigh, "I can sleep anywhere."

"Please, share the bed with me," you plead with eyes that shine for him as he stands towering you.

"Okay," he agrees but he promised himself to leave the bed once you're asleep.

The night is getting late and he can't lie that he needs to lie down after an eventful night. He is late to claim his side of the bed as you already lie there, getting yourself under the cover.

"What are you listening to?" You ask, looking at the record player on the bedside table.

Han puts it there because he likes to lay on the bed and stares at the ceiling while listening to music. Unfortunately, he happens to forget what record he was playing the last time. He peers over to your side of the bed, one glance at the record and he knows what it is.

"Uhm... Sonic Youth," he answers.

You turn the record player on and slowly put the needle on it, music starts to fill the space with riffs of one of his favorite songs.

"Spinning dreams with angel wings. Torn blue jeans and a foolish grin," Kim Gordon opens the song with her sleepy, crooning voice.

You get comfortable on the bed and turn to the side, seeing him still standing at the side of the bed.

"Come, lay down with me," you say, patting the space next to you.

It's so stupid of him that he forgot to take off his jacket, he gets ride of it before climbing onto the bed and awkwardly slouches down the bed.

He knows you're looking at him as Kim Gordon repeatedly singing, "Star power, star power, star power..."

You take a deep breathe and put a hand under your head, "Maybe I really should stop dating handsome, emotionally unavailable men," you draw conclusions out of nowhere.

Han only nods in agreement even though he can't focus knowing that he's under the same cover with you.

"Maybe we should go on a date," you come with another shocking statement.

This time, he doesn't nod even though he wanted to.

You softly sigh again and gets up from the bed to lean close to his side, "I think you'll be good to me."

He dares himself to look at you and catches you softly smiling at him. Your eyes locked in a gaze that feels more intimate than a kiss.

You slightly tilt your head to the side then press a gentle kiss on his cheek, "Goodnight!"

You settle back on the bed and close your eyes with a smile that slowly fades from your face as you slowly drift to sleep.

Han reaches for his heating cheek and touches the searing kiss you left on it, foolishly holding the back of his hand to it like it would help him reeling from the kiss. However, he can replay the moment in his head and close his eyes to make it vivid.

The song that is still playing becomes distant but he can faintly hears Kim Gordon softly sings, "Close my eyes and think of you. Everything turns black to blue." - It's like someone has just pulled him out of the water, Han wakes up from his sleep gasping for air. He expects to see it's still night and you're still on the bed sleeping next to him. Panic, he gets up at once and looks around his studio apartment with sunlight filling and brightens the place.

"Morning," you greet from the couch with a bowl on one hand.

The mess of your hair looking like a halo on the top of your head and you warmly smile as your eyes locked in a gaze with him, emitting the same warmth of the morning sun at him.

"I hope you don't mind I'm eating your cereal," you say.

Disoriented, he scratches the back of his head and unsure what to do first because he's usually will fall back to sleep, especially when he has no morning class like today.

"I–I'll just..." he barely finishes his sentence and breaks into a run to the bathroom.

Last night, he made a plan to impress you. He planned on getting up early so he can buy some nice breakfast to eat together with you. He plans on having some fresh baked goods and hot coffee with you, not his cereal and milk from his empty fridge.

"Oh, why did I fall asleep?" He asks himself and reaches for his toothbrush to, at least, make himself look presentable in front of you.

He changes into a clean t-shirt he picked up from the washing machine and walks to the kitchenette, "Coffee?" He feels stupid for asking when he can clearly you have put the coffee pot on.

"Yes, please?" You sweetly answer to him.

He fills two mugs with steaming hot coffee and brings them to the couch, he wince seeing the cluttering mess on his table that he has to put some stuff to the side to make room for the mugs of coffee.

You're busy chewing on your cereal to notice it and he peers over to see you're reading his notebook.

"Oh—" he stops himself from snatching it away from you.

You notice that he's looking at it and quickly flip shut, then put it one the top of stack, "I'm sorry but it's laying around on the table so... I didn't mean to read your journal," you apologize.

He bites his lower lip, not expecting you to read his journal filled with his writings in there. It's worse than letting you walk around his messy apartment but he can't blame you when he should have kept it somewhere safe.

"I'm sorry," you apologize again.

"It's okay," he says with a smile to convince you that it's okay for you to read the song lyrics he wrote about personal things.

"How come you never submitted your works for the literary contest?"

Han lifts his mug and watches the curls of steam from his coffee, "I don't I can compete with you."

You put your legs up and hug them in front of you, "but your writing is beautiful."

"They're not... they're lyrics," he says.

"Oh?" You lowly gasp, "so you write songs?"

"Kind of," he answers and carefully sips his coffee.

"Have you performed any of these songs?"

Han shakes his head to strongly deny, "I like writing them but not performing them."

"Why not?"

"Because I..." his word trails off once he realizes that you're getting too personal with him but it's too late to stop now.

"I don't think they're good," he concludes.

You take your mug of coffee and hold it with both hands, "Well, I never thought any of my writings are good," you share.

"But they are good," Han points out the obvious since your writings always won the literary contest for two years in a row.

"So you read them," you say with a satisfied smile.

Again, he's too late to back out now, "who doesn't?"

You take a small sip of your coffee then ask, "What do you think?"

His mug stops midair as he's about to sip his coffee, "they're good, great..."

The sound of the phone ringing from somewhere across the room interrupts the talk, after a few seconds you recognize that it's yours and it's ringing inside your purse.

"I'm sorry," you excuse yourself to get it.

Han silently drinks his coffee and catches glimpes of your conversation on the phone, it's safe to say that you need to go after hanging up the call.

"Sorry, but I have to go," you say just as he expected.

Han tidies up the place as much as he can while you're changing your clothes in the bathroom, your phone rings again as he puts records piling on his bedside table back to the shelf. He didn't mean to look but your phone is right there, lying on the bed and he can see the caller.

Alex, it's a very masculine sounded name. He doesn't want to assume anything and stops thinking about it as he hears the bathroom door swings open.

"Thank you for letting me crashing in your place," you return the clothes your borrowed from him.

"No problem at all," he sheepishly says.

You check your phone and shove it inside your purse after, "Thank you for this as well," you show him your bandaged knee at him.

"It's nothing really," he says.

It's been a long time that Han has someone over his place, especially of the opposite sex. He's been out of the dating pool for much longer than that, he doesn't know the code anymore, what he should do next?

He decides to keep himself busy as you collect your things from around the room. Han is putting the dirty dishes on the sink when you speak to him from the foyer.

"I'm free this Friday."

He turns around to see you standing with one hand against the wall and the other is strapping your shoes in place, "huh?"

"I'm free this Friday," you repeated.

He's not deaf but what he doesn't get is the meaning of those words. Does it mean you want him to take you on a date? Or you set the date for both of you? Or you want to casually hang out with him? Or you need his help again at the bar?

In other words, he's stupid when it comes to social cues.

"You want me to... uh—"

"Friday at eight?" You say.

Oh, okay, that means you want to go on a date. He stifles a nod, "sure, yeah."

"Okay," you smile seeing him being awkward.

Han may have wanted to take you on a date but you're so smart, so composed, so confident, you're everything he's not and it's impossible for him not to feel the slightest bit intimidated. He doesn't know how to impress you, he only has himself and it's not enough.

"Can you stay sober until then?" He blurts out.

You crack a crisp laugh that echoes in his studio apartment, "I'll try," you vaguely answer.

The initial thought is he wants you to stay away from drinking except when he's there with you but you took it that he was being playful with you. Well, either way, he's glad that he can make you laugh.

"I'll see you again," you say with a bright smile.

"See you again," He says back.

And Han hangs on to those words, to the promise that he can see your smile again.

-

It's eight minutes past 8 pm on Friday night.

It's past the appointed time for the date but there no sight of you yet. A few minutes shouldn't be considered late, you must be on the way here and things happen, you may forget something after getting out of the door or traffic or... there's just so many reasons why you—

Han feels a tap on his shoulder which makes him turns on his feet.

"Hey, have you been waiting long?"

He is not ready to see you, not when he's almost think that you'll ditch both him and the date. But here you are, looking at him with a smile that gradually fades into a confused one.

"Are you okay?"

He snaps himself out of it and clears his throat, "No, I'm just—" he forgot the question you asked him and try again, "I mean I'm okay."

You look up at the sign of the place he takes you for the date, "I've never been here," you comment.

Doesn't know what to do with his hands, he shoves them into the pockets of his jacket.

"Me too," he casually says.

"Huh?" You blink your eyes at him, confounded.

-

Consider both of you lucky that there's still one more table available, it's Friday night so it's no surprise that it's crowded with people. Upbeat music is playing in the big hall filled with rows of ping-pong tables mixed with the sounds of the ping-pong balls hits either the players' paddle or the tables.

You shake the jacket off your shoulder once you get to the assigned table, "I don't know how to play table tennis," you admit right away to prepare him that an accident or two is imminent.

"Me too," he innocently answers from the end of the table as he takes a paddle.

That explains why he never been here but still, why would he takes you here if he can't play?

"You're not serious, right?" You place your jacket on the empty bench on the side of the table.

"I'm serious," he says as he takes his jacket off.

You burst into laughter but he's just so clueless on why you're laughing.

"Most men would use this chance to show off that they're good at something but you..." you shrug and choose a paddle to use.

Han takes a ball from a box and bounces it on the table, "Well... I am not most men," he coyly says.

Not going to lie, that's so attractive of him, especially with strands of his curly hair falling over his face.

"Okay," you nod in acknowledgment.

You take your position on your side of the table, warming up your hands by opening and closing your hands before wrapping your hand around the handle of the paddle.

"Your serve," you give him the permission to start the game.

Han also takes his stance and throws the ball straight upward, he supposedly hits the ball when it's still hung in the air with the paddle but instead of that, his paddle flung across the table and caught by the net.

There's a dead air hanging between you and him as you both stare at his paddle stranded in the middle of the table. You look away to not embarrassed him more and see everyone is having a bottle of beer on their table.

You turn to look at him and ask, "beer?"

"Yep!" He shortly replies.

After two bottles of beers drained and a lot more failed attempts at serving the balls, you get the hang of it even though it's not to the level of what a proper ping-pong should be played.

"Another round?" You ask.

He doesn't wait but calls to order more drinks, "More beers, please!"

At the second round, your neck is moist with sweat and you can feel beads of sweat forming on your back, you plop down on the bench in exhaustion. Han gulps his bottle of water next to you, "another round?"

"I'm on a roll, sure!" You eagerly accept the offer.

"Loser have to pay for dinner?" He dares you with a lopsided grin.

It's a fair game since you're both terrible at it, you have nothing to lose except for your self-esteem. You offer your hand for a handshake at him, "deal!'

He takes your hand and firmly shakes it, "deal!"

The game is getting intense, you have your hair tied in a messy ponytail while Han has the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbow. Under the fluorescent lights you can see the evident veins coiling his arms, got you distracted more than once.

It's a tie, there's only one point needed to determine the winner. It's his serve so you prepare yourself to receive it even though your hand starts shaking.

"Don't go crying when you're lost," he teases you, bouncing the ball against the table with his hand.

"No problem. I look prettier when I cry," you shot back at him with a nonchalant shrug and a smile.

Han catches you off guard and shot a topspin serve. Fortunately, you reflex is still good despite your body is close to giving up, you shoot the ball back to him as hard as you can. He's heading to the right side to get it but too late to catch the ball right on time, it goes past him, bouncing to the wall on the back.

"Yes!" You jump on your feet to celebrate.

While Han just stands there and gives you an applause with a defeated look on his face.

"I WANT BURGERS!" You enthusiastically shout at him loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Okay, okay," he quickly responds and gestures you to calm down.

Since he's the one paying for dinner, you feel bad to order a lot of food so you take him for coffee and dessert after as a way to pay back for dinner, also because you're still hungry.

He lifts his cup of iced americano to make a toast, "To celebrate that we're no longer beginners on table tennis!"

Your hands are shaking when you lift your cup of cappuccino and he notices too, sending you both into laughters. You use both hands to lift it and carefully clink your drinks together to not slosh the content, "that was a good game," you comment.

"It was!" He agrees and drinks his coffee with a straw.

You share two slices of cakes together, he chose a cheesecake while yours is tiramisu, digging at it with forks and eating it between talks.

"Are you working on a writing at the moment?" He asks.

You wash down the spoonful of cake with coffee before answering,

"Kind of..." you vaguely answer.

"Is it for the upcoming literary contest?" He asks.

"I'm working on a lot of things at once," you share with a dry laugh.

Han nods and shoves a piece of cake into his small mouth. His cheeks are round and full when he's eating, you find them really adorable.

He catches you watching him eat and you hurriedly look away, "so..."

You remember the unanswered question on the last conversation you had with him at his place, you've been wondering what his true answer is.

"What do you think of my writings?"

"They're great. I like your choice of metaphors and yeah, they're great," he answers with mouth stuffed with food.

You sense that there's more than just great. You slightly tilt your head to the side and look at him, "But...?"

He stops chewing as you ask him that like he got caught lying. Maybe he is lying but with a good intention.

"You can be honest with me," you assure him while cutting a small piece of the cheesecake.

He sips his coffee to empty his mouth from food and properly answers to you, "There's nothing wrong with your writings," he begins.

He sits up straighter and looks at you, "it's just that... I get this impression that you're a bit... cynical?"

You lowly laugh and say, "wrong!"

You chew on the cake and stack your hands together on the table, "Not a little. I am cynical," you correct him.

Han licks his lips and presses them together into a thin line, perhaps feeling bad for analyzing your personality through your writings.

That only proves that he's not only reading for the sake of entertainment but he truly reads things between the lines. In that moment, you feel so bare and vulnerable in front of him.

"I witnessed two people falling out of love, breaking and tear each other apart until there's nothing left of them," you candidly share and put your hand around the coffee cup to absorb the warmth.

"Why would I want the same? I've seen enough for like... the last fifteen years of my existence so no, thank you, not interested," You conclude with a sad smile.

Han meekly nods as he sips the last of his coffee in silence. It's unclear why you decide to share personal things with him but deep down you know it's because he's not going to laugh at your pain.

-

With no sight of stars and the moon in the night sky, it only means that there are big dark clouds and it's going to rain soon. Han insists on walking you to your apartment even though he has to walk back to the bus stop to go home.

Notice that you're only a block away, you don't want this night to end with the tragic story you shared about your parent's divorce.

"I had a fun date," you comment.

Han smiles and he has the kind of smile that shines from the inside, there's nothing fake about it.

"It was a fun date," he says.

"I never had a date this nice before," you add to show him that you're not being phony.

"Me too," he responds.

He said those two words three times so far and you begin to wonder if you're actually suck at dates. You always skip this part and go straight to the sexual stuff, maybe that's why.

Once you both arrive at the entrance of your apartment building, you turn around and without thinking you ask, "Want to go upstairs?"

With another man, you wouldn't fuss much whether they want to come with you or not but with him, you have this force inside you to not screw this up. You look at him and can't tell if he's nervous, or surprised, or horrified. He's just standing with his hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets even though the weather is pleasant.

"We don't have to do anything," you quickly mutter and immediately regret it because what if he wants to do something?

As always, honesty is the best policy. Well, that depends on how embarrassing the truth is. This one is still bearable, so you say, "I still want to talk to you."

The streetlight shines down on him, filling his brown eyes with dark glints and enthralling you to stare.

He nods and follows you inside. You feel awkward leading him to your floor, climbing the flight of stairs in silence but the echoes of your footsteps on the steps.

"Here I am," you stop in front of the door to your unit.

You rummage inside your purse for your key and push the door once you unlock it. The second you hear the song playing inside, you hurriedly close it again.

"What?" He asks you in a mix of panic and curiosity.

"Alex is listening to Sza," you answer.

"Alex?"

You forget that he doesn't know the context, you lock the door again and stand blocking him as if he would dare to barge inside.

"Alex is my roommate and she puts on Sza when she's having a guy over as some sort of code," you concisely explain.

"Ah..." he sighs in relief.

Is he relieved because he doesn't have to come inside or relieved because he doesn't want to talk to you? Is he— you never let your negative thoughts win so you find the alternative.

"How about your place?" You ask with a sly smile.

He considers it for a moment then says, "We should run then."

"Run? Why?"

"The last bus is in fifteen minutes," he simply answers.

"Oh?"

-

The two of you are drenched from running from the bus stop to his apartment in the rain, he lets you use the bathroom first to change while he prepares clothes you can borrow from him.

Han puts it on the end of the bed and you can comfortably change as he takes his turn to use the bathroom. You seem to have found comfort in his apartment which is a lot tidier after he realizes that someone could visit him uninvited.

Candidly speaking, the only person he thinks would come visit him is you.

You pull out a record from the shelf and put it on the record player, the music drowning out the sound of raindrops pattering against the window glass. As if it's your own bed, you sit with your back resting against the headboard, covering your legs with the duvet.

"Why are you standing there?" You ask him.

He towels dry his hair quickly before doing what you ordered him, sitting next to you on the bed.

"It's not like we haven't shared a bed before," you add and get comfortable by putting a pillow behind your back.

Whether it's the proximity or because he has run through the rain that makes him feel snug and warm all of a sudden, the raindrops pattering against the window supports this comforting atmosphere.

"How long have you been collecting?" You gesture to his shelf full of records.

It must be a headache to find a certain record because he doesn't organize them but you refrain from telling him.

"Some are my father's, I brought them with me when I moved out of the house and I started collecting two years ago," his fingers are playing with the lint on his sweatpants as he's speaking.

"You own some rare ones?" You ask in a curiosity.

"I have The Beatles White Album with printing number 0000523," he answers with a proud smile.

"Wow!" You exclaim in awe, you're familiar with the knowledge that the value of the album can go up significantly if it has a low printing number and he owns one.

"Just know that if I lost it, I'd know that you did it," he jokes.

"Dang! I was planning the whole robbery thing in my head," you joke back.

The rain has turned into drizzle and it gets quiet in the room, but the kind that makes him not feel pressured to fill it, a comfortable kind.

"What's your favorite song?" You ask out of the blue.

He hisses because it's like you're asking who is his favorite child. Not that he has any but he knows the dilemma.

"Don't think!" You tell him.

"Just one that pops on the top of your head," you offer an easy way to pick one.

There's this one song that automatically plays inside his head when he looks at you. It's one that he's unconsciously humming when he's in the shower, tying his shoes, or pouring himself a cup of coffee in the morning.

Not sure if you can catch the reference, he calmly answers, "Lovely Day by Bill Withers."

You nod in acknowledgment and smile, "That's a nice one!"

He turns to look at you, "and you?"

"Off You by The Breeders," you shortly reply as if you have waited a long time for this question.

Except that Han never heard of the song or the band. He feels bad for not knowing and you catch on it right away.

"You never heard of it?"

Han sheepishly shakes his head.

"You're lucky that I still have my Spotify premium," you playfully say and pick up your phone to play the song for him.

You set the volume to the highest setting then put your phone between you and him on the bed, listening to the intro of the song of low, minimal bass and guitar. The song somehow fits the moment, the singer sings like she's telling a story or a poem.

"I am the autumn in the scarlet. I am the make-up on your eyes."

That's such interesting lyrics and Han intently keeps listening to know why this is your favorite song. One thing he knows is this is one of the songs he can listen to while lying and staring at the ceiling.

"I've never seen a starlet or a riot or the violence of you."

He hears you sigh next to him and he looks to the side to see that you're crying, he knows it for sure as the tears on your cheeks reflect the lights at him. He leans and checks to see if you're okay, he puts your hair away and then tucks it behind your ear.

"Are you okay?"

You look at him with your eyes glassy and filled with sadness, "I don't want to get hurt," you croak

It must be scary for you to open up to someone when you've seen the worst thing love can do to a person. He understands the fear well because he has the same heart that lies and beats inside his chest.

It's vulnerable yeah but we are never fully broken to the point that we're irreparable.

However, Han doesn't intend to break it, he wants to embrace it, nurture it, and protect it with all of his might.

He cups your jaw with his thumb and gently wipes your wet cheek, "I'm not going to hurt you," he says with a soft smile.

More tears roll down your cheeks as you close your eyes, it's a heartbreaking sight to see.

To prove his words, he holds your face and leans in to kiss you, pouring all of his heart's content that strangely only expands in size the longer he kisses you.

Han lets go of the kiss yet holds a tender gaze with you, "I'm not going to hurt you," he reassures.

You hold the hand holding your face and softly smile at him, a smile that tells him that you've decided to trust his words.

For that, Han slowly sails into your heart and strands himself on the island inside your chest.

You rest your head on his shoulder as he puts his arm around your shoulder, welcoming you into his warm embrace. Both of you stay like that while listening to the rest of the song which encased you both in a bittersweet moment.

"I land to sail... Island sail. Yeah, we're movin'... Yeah, we're movin'..."

-

This is what he means when he says Lovely Day automatically plays in the back of his head when he looks at you.

Han has been watching you sleep for a few minutes now, leaning against the desk with arms crossed in his chest and he can vividly hear Bill Withers singing inside his head.

"Just one look at you and I know it's gonna be a lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day."

You're pretty when you cry but even prettier when you sleep with a hand under your head, so still and so quiet, looking like an angel lost in her dream.

"Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day," the song is playing in his head on a loop.

The sun is rising and he doesn't want you to wake up yet for he wants to stare at your face longer. The sight of the baked goods he bought from the bakery across the street is disagreeing with him, it was still hot when he bought it and it's more likely to get cold if you don't wake up soon.

Then again, how can he disrupt an angel who's peacefully sleeping and away from the harm of the world?

Well, the sound of your phone ringing can.

A crease forms between your eyebrows as you force yourself awake from slumber. The song playing in his head abruptly stops and it reminds him to stop watching you. Han gets away from the bed and pretends to be busy in the kitchenette. In his peripheral, he can see your hand groping around the bedside table for your phone and check it.

"Morning!" You sleepily greet from the bed.

He plays it cool and turns to see you, "Morning!" He says back.

"Coffee?" He asks with a clean mug in his hand.

"Yes, please?" You say with a delicate smile that soothes him like a morning dew.

"Can I stay on the bed?" You ask with a shy laugh.

"Yeah, sure," he replies, looking at you wrapped in a blanket.

Han brings your mug of coffee first and makes another trip to bring his and the bag of bakery on the other hand.

"What do we have?" You're eyeing the bag, not daring to look into it yourself.

"Breakfast," he casually says and opens it for you, the buttery smell of freshly baked goods wafting around the room.

You start with a sip of coffee then dig inside the paper bag to grab a piece, tearing at it and eating it piece by piece.

You get interrupted by your phone dings with a new message.

"Your roommate?" He wildly guesses.

"Yeah, she wants me to come home quick," you answer, "she needs the intervention."

"Huh?"

"That means she doesn't like the guy she's having over in our place and wants me to intervene, you know, an excuse to get him out of the house," you explain then lick the powdered sugar on your finger.

"I see," he says even though he wants you to stay a little longer.

Just like you heard his thought, you quickly add, "Not that I don't want to stay. She did it for me like two months ago so I kind of owe her one."

He sips his coffee and assures you, "It's alright."

You rummage inside the paper bag to get another piece and without looking at him, you ask, "I have something to ask you."

He suddenly turns rigid at the men of something to ask because it sounds intriguing, scary, and exciting at the same time.

"Yes," he grips the handle of the mug a little too hard.

You bite into the bread with a custard filling and gets on your upper lip. In reflex, he wipes it for you with his thumb and you giggle once you notice the mess around your mouth.

"And the question?" He asks, genuinely curious about what you're about to ask him before the custard gets in the way.

"Oh, yeah, uhm..." you drink your coffee and hold it with both hands on your lap, "Is it too early if I ask you on a second date now?"

That, he didn't expect to hear at all but it makes him feel the same way, intrigued, scared, and excited, it's a mixed feelings.

"No," he honestly answers with a shy smile. He's never been with a girl who's this bold and so upfront like you, he likes it though, it makes things easier for him.

"How about tonight?" You ask with hopeful eyes and even a hopeful smile.

When you asked if it's too early he didn't know it would be this early, the earliest he could think of is next Friday.

"To–tonight?" He stammers.

You tilt your head to the side and hold your mug close to your lips, "No?"

"No," he responds without thinking.

He immediately realizes you might have thought he answered out of pressure, "I would love to!"

A smile rises on your face as you bite into your bread again, "okay," you say.

Han makes the bed and then gets himself another cup of coffee while you're changing in the bathroom. He's already planning on going back to sleep after you leave.

Your phone rings again at the same time you step out of the bathroom, "Alex! Oh, my God!" You groan and accept the call.

"I'm coming!" You briefly speak into the phone then hang up.

You shove your things into your purse and put on your jacket, looking at him to say, "I'll text you about the date."

He nods and puts his coffee mug down to send you off, watching as you bend down to put on your shoes with your hair falling around your face like a waterfall.

You gasp as you stand right in front of him, "See you later?"

"See you later," he repeated, his voice tinted with excitement and intrigue but not scared.

He should have known that you're subtly hinting at a kiss as you look at him with a sweet smile on your face. This is why learning social cues is important, he missed a lot of things because of—

The next thing he knows, your lips are on his lips and your hand is fisting the front of his t-shirt, clutching at it as you brush your soft lips over his. You taste as sweet, as smooth as the custard cream you were eating earlier, he just can't enough.

Bill Withers' voice starts to fill his head again as you pull away from the kiss with a smile on your parted mouth.

"Okay, then," you hurriedly let go of his t-shirt and shyly fix your hair, "bye!"

The song keeps playing even after you leave and close the door behind you, he can hear Bill Withers singing the part where he holds the note for 18 seconds, endlessly playing in the back of his mind.

"Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day...."

-

Han doesn't want to be late so he leaves early but when he gets to the appointed place that is a museum, he sees the sign that says closed. Is he late or come to the wrong place? He checks the text you sent him and he's right, it's the only museum with this name.

He starts pacing and thinking of calling you, that way you don't have to bother coming here.

"You're early!" You say as you come from the other direction.

"I was about to call you," he blurts out.

You sense the panic in his voice and ask, "Why? What's wrong?"

He shows you the closed sign hanging on the glass door of the museum entrance, "it's closed."

Instead of disappointed, you break a laugh and gently grab his elbow, "it's closed because of the event we're going to attend," you explain, then link your arm with his to walk towards the entrance.

Despite the closed sign, the entrance is not locked but security is stopping both of you at the end of the hallway. You pull something out of your purse and show it to them, tickets.

They let you both walk through the scanner and enter the main hall of the museum, they keep the lights low but he can see people gathering around the small stage that is set between two large marble statues with a big painting decorated on the wall on the back.

"What is this?" He asks in pure curiosity.

You take two cups of beer provided for guests and hand one to him, "It's an exclusive music session, only fifty people are invited to this," you keep your voice low to avoid the chat echoing in the vast hall.

"How did you get the tickets?" He asks along with a sip of his beer.

"From a friend of a friend," you vaguely answer.

That's enough details, he's sure that someone like you has contact here and there. He shouldn't be surprised, he sips his beer and takes a spot on the back row of people getting ready to watch with the intro starts playing from the set.

"Is it a band I know?" He asks.

You scrunch your nose at him, "not sure."

The intro is building up and getting louder, the crowd welcoming the band with a wave of applause and patiently waiting as they get ready with their instruments. There are three of them, the vocalist takes center stage with a guitar slung across his chest, the one who greets the crowd is taking the left side with his keyboard and the other one occupies the right side with his drum kit.

It's one band that he never heard before but he likes how experimental their music is, the kind that is groundbreaking and atmospheric. They mix the sounds from their instruments with samplers playing from an electronic kit, the big hall helps echo the music back at him to create this grand sound effortlessly.

With only a small group of people watching and no one pulling their phones out, it's immersive and intimate. You ditch the cup of beer and turn to look at him, putting your hands on each side of his waist, singing the lyrics the band is playing.

"I just want to love you in my own language," you mouth every word of the lyrics to him.

With a smile, you lean in to gently kiss him in the dark of the room. You pull away from the kiss and put your hands around his neck, slow dancing to the song like two lovers left alive.

-

The taxi ride home reminds him of that night except that you're sober and you're sitting close next to him, holding his hand

"What do you think of our second date?"

He looks up from watching his hand clasped with yours on his thigh, "it was nice."

You nod, "Nice is good!"

It was more than nice that he can't describe it with words, Han feels the need to assure you that, "It's the best date I've ever had!"

A smile grows on your beautiful face like a blossoming flower, "our first date is still the best but this comes close to that," you half agreed with him.

Han is getting used to seeing you on his bed and wearing his clothes, smiling as you watch him getting onto the bed to sit next to you.

"Don't you want to play your songs like that too?" You ask out of the blue.

He wanted to but he's not confident if he is that good and there's another thing too. He shakes his head and shyly laughs at the brief images of him performing his songs.

"Why not?" You ask.

"I'm not that good," he shortly answers.

You scrunch your nose in disagreement and he likes it whenever you do that, "I don't believe that."

He hates to disappoint you but that's just the truth, the songs he wrote, he's not planning on letting them out to the world for everyone to hear.

You stack your legs to one side, facing him, "Can I ask you something?"

Another question, how thrilling! He nods in excitement at what you're curious about.

"Is the second date too early for us to have sex?"

Han chokes on his saliva and stifles a cough. A part of him wants to take things slow with you but another part of him fancies you so much he can't say no to you. He should choose to be wise and choose the former, right?

"Uh... I think we should wait until the third date," he says and his mouth feels bitter saying it.

"Ah, okay," you repeatedly nod.

A moment passes in silence then you turn to look at him, "I mean, we can start by sleeping naked together," you suggest an idea.

He swallows air at the mention of 'naked' and 'together', it seems impossible to him to do that without involving anything sexual in between.

"Or we'll wait for the third date, that's fine," you quickly add with an awkward laugh.

Things are moving so fast that Han is still having a hard time processing everything that happened in the last seven days. But why would he stop when things are going well between you and him?

You wanted this and he wanted this too, as long as you both are going in the same direction, why hit the brake and risk everything going off track?

"We can sleep naked together," he says with a plain tone.

"Yeah?"

He nods and turns to sit on the edge of the bed, volunteering to be the first to take his clothes off. The bed shifts and he guesses you decide to start taking your clothes off too.

Han hurriedly gets under the duvet and watches you unclasping your bra. He stops looking as you get up to remove your underwear. You crawl back onto the bed and get under the cover, slowly settling yourself next to him, putting your hand on his bare chest.

"You're shivering," you lowly speak with your face only inches away from him, then proceed to snuggle next to him.

He stares at the ceiling because he knows, if he looks at you, he wants to kiss you and a kiss will unlock the raging desire inside him. He can feel your nipples graze his side as your body overlaps half of his body, your leg drapes around his with your foot softly rubbing his shin.

You lean into his side and place a long kiss on his neck, your hand slides down his front, stopping right on his abdomen.

"How about now, mmh?" You softly whisper.

Using your fingers, you lightly touch his abdomen making lazy circles on the skin.

"I have condoms in my purse if that's your concern," you tell him.

Han is getting weak with every kiss you place on his neck and the skin behind his ear. He turns his head to the side and is about to tell you what his concerns are but you capture his lips in a rapturous kiss.

You gently lick his lips before pulling away, "I want to do this with you," you assure him.

He doesn't know how to tell you that it's not you, it's him and his low self-esteem. He kisses you again to brace himself to speak his worry with you.

"I'm bad at it," he says.

That gets you quiet for a moment, "says who?"

He's unsure of it too but mostly it's the anxiety talking, "Me?"

You lowly chuckle and put more of your body on top of him, "How do I know you're bad if I haven't tried?"

That's what confuses him too. It's not like he has a rating written on his head for his sex skill, "I—"

You cut him off with a kiss and shut him up for good as you keep kissing him, your hand sliding lower until you meet his hardening member.

You stimulate him with gentle strokes, lightly rubbing his tip with your thumb while lowly moaning against his lips. You pull away from the kiss to say, "You can touch me."

Hesitate for a while, Han rests his hand on the arch of your back, his fingers trailing down your spine as you continue kissing him. You know how to use your lips, your tongue, your teeth, he can lay there and let you kiss him day and night. He wraps his arms around you to fully feel you against his body, skin to skin.

"How are you so soft?" He doesn't mean to say it out loud but you smile hearing his words.

You give him a long peck on the lips before excusing yourself to get the condom from your purse. His eyes follow you as you climb onto the bed.

Sitting next to his body with all of your hair draped on one shoulder, you rip open the foil packet and carefully, roll the rubber down his length. You crawl over his body and slowly put your body on top of him, continuing the fiery kisses that kindled the fire inside him.

This time, Han lets his hands freely roam your body, trailing the curve of your body, and feels your flesh molds into the palm of his hands.

You place a long peck on his lips before getting up, kneeling with your body between your bodies. You put your hand on his chest and say, "Just lay back, I'll do all the work."

He swallows air and with his own eyes, he sees you taking a seat on his thighs and wrapping your hand around his swollen cock. You rub it against your wetness which he can see and feel, it takes everything in him to not let his brain shut down.

"Oh," you moan with your eyes closed as you keep rubbing his shaft between your folds.

You roll your head around while letting out a long moan and then look at him in the eyes with a sly smile on your face. Still holding it in your hand, you position yourself and align his cock with your entrance, then you slowly lower yourself down his length.

"Oh," you moan again.

It's the sight of his cock disappearing into you that gets his jaws hanging open, you moan some more as you take all of him and seated on his thighs again. A low laugh spills out of your parted mouth as you tilt your head back, then say, "Oh, my— oh, I need a moment!"

Han feels like he's having an out-of-body experience, he's getting turned on more from looking at you doing things to him than the feeling of being inside you. He believes it's because his brain has a hard time catching up, he can only look at you with eyes wide open.

"How do I feel?" you lowly ask with a peck on his open mouth, then kiss his neck next, "Do I feel good, mmh?"

His brain is so close to short-circuiting that he can't form a verbal answer, he stifles a nod and draws a big breath instead.

As you straddle him, you take his hands and put them on your body, touching yourself using his hands, smooth as silk that he whimpers under his breath. You drop his hands on your thighs and put your hands on his chest as you start rolling your hips back and forth, at times, you move in circular motions.

Han lets out a groan as you abruptly stop moving and take his hands away from you, "Give me a moment," you say with a hoarse voice.

You flip all of your hair away to the back then plant both feet against the mattress on each side of his body. You prop your hands behind you and against his thighs as support.

In this position, Han can see his cock slips in and out of you as you bounce on top of him with your head thrown back and moaning, filling the room with your lewd noises. He can feel it now, your walls wrapping and tightening around him. His hands flew to your hips, trying to slow you down but instead of that, he gripped each side of your waist until his nails dug into the flesh.

"Oh..." you breathless moan.

"So good, so good," you repeatedly chant as your hips pick up the speed.

He doesn't mean to cum first but watching you enjoying yourself and fucking him so good gets him so overwhelmed, it just happens.

Seeing you getting tired, he helps you by guiding you to move on top of him. Your skin is moist with sweat, your breasts are bouncing with every movement and your breath is ragged.

"So close, oh, so close," you tell him between your whines.

He draws you close until your chest meets his so he can start bucking his hips from under you. His mouth is pressed against your shoulder as you're moaning so close to his ear.

"I'm cumming, oh..." you muffle your scream by pressing a haste kiss on his lips.

You whimper against his lips as you're reeling from the immense pleasure, returning the kisses with tongue and teeth clashes in your mouth. You both gasp for air the second you let go of the kiss and slowly come down from the high by cuddling each other.

Han gets comfortable touching your body now, he lightly touches you and kisses the skin that he can put his lips on as you're lying on top of him.

"That wasn't bad," you say with your eyes closed.

He notices the blissful smile on your face that can only mean everything went well unlike what he thought it would be.

You lean in to kiss his cheek and kiss his lips next, longer than the previous one, "This counts as our third date," you remark.

It usually scares him that things are going so fast but this feels right. Maybe all these times, he was wrong trying to fit everything into everyone's standard when in fact, things should go at his own pace.

He wouldn't let this slide away just because the time it took from him knowing you to date you happens in a week.

"Okay," he agrees.

You smile and place a long peck on his lips, "we're dating now," you say.

"Yes."

"I am your girlfriend now," you inform with a sly smile.

He lets out a chuckle and puts his hand on the nape of your neck, "And I am your boyfriend."

"That's right!" You respond.

"We're boyfriend and girlfriend," he remarks.

Even though it feels foreign in his mouth, he likes the sound of it. You and him, boyfriend and girlfriend.

-

TWO MONTHS LATER

Han is so used to thinking that he's the only character existing in his life. Han shopping for groceries by himself, Han does his laundry himself, Han makes coffee for one, Han sleeps alone on his bed, and he thinks of those kinds of scenarios in his head often enough to prepare himself that maybe what his future would be like.

Never once did he think another character would enter his scenarios. But looking at you walking around his apartment in his clothes, eating food from his fridge, and sleeping together almost every night, he starts to think that maybe his future wouldn't be as bleak as he thought it would be.

He also used to be by himself, he can't stand being in a room with anyone else and it's strange how fast he can adjust himself to your presence.

He's happy as long as you're around him, just like now. He's sitting with his back against the headboard, a guitar on his lap, and been aimlessly playing it yet you remain unbothered, lying sideways with a hand propped under your head while reading a book, occupying the end of the bed.

Even sharing the silence with you isn't boring, it's comfortable and nice. How can it get boring when he gets to see your beautiful face as much as he wants?

"Babe?" He calls.

You look away from your book, "yeah?"

"Want to hear a song I wrote about you?" He asks with a sly grin.

You exhale and close your book, "Okay, let's hear it."

Han takes a breath and memorizes the chords he's going to play, he begins by placing his fingers on the guitar fret to form the A chord.

He strums and starts singing, "Spinning on that dizzy edge. Kissed her face and kissed her head. Dreamed of all the different ways. I had to make her glow.”

Once he finds the rhythm, he can confidently look at you as he continues singing and playing his guitar.

"'Why are you so far away?' she said. 'Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you, that I'm in love with you?'"

With such agility, his fingers seamlessly change their position based on the chords he's playing on the fret.

"You... Soft and only. You... Lost and lonely."

He smiles as he sings and stares at the expression on your face as you intently listen to him.

"You... Strange as angels. Dancing in the deepest oceans. Twisting in the water."

He raises the note at the end and croons, "You're just like a dream. You're just like a dream."

He aggressively strums the strings to end the song and lifts his guitar in pride.

"It's good, right?" He asks with a subtle eyebrow raise.

You turn and lay on your stomach, not sure if you know that in that position, he can see your cleavage as your breasts almost spill out of your black tank top. He shouldn't be seeing those but it's easy to tell you're not impressed with the song he played.

"Three things," you simply say.

"Go ahead and tell me," he allows you with a hand gesture.

"First, you think I wouldn't know that it's The Cure song?" You ask with a hand under your chin.

He looks up and shrugs, he can't find any reason why you wouldn't know such a widely known band, "Well..."

"Second is I don't like love songs," you share with an apologetic smile.

It hits him just now that he should know you're not a fan of love songs. He agrees with a nod, "Okay, noted. The third?"

"I don't want you to write a love song about me," you say.

"Oh, come on!" He groans in complaint.

"I haven't been dating anyone in a long time and now that I have a girlfriend, I have so much to get off my chest so let me be gooey and cheesy!" He rambles and runs out of breath at the end of the sentence.

"I'm not saying you can't write love songs," you say with a subtle eye roll.

"You want me to write love songs about... someone else?" He asks with confusion.

"Or about something like your faded and worn-out Supreme t-shirt," you answer.

Han can't tell if you're trying to mock him, make fun of him or completely joking, either way, he's feeling offended.

"Can I write a hate song about you then?" He asks.

You scrunch your nose and ask, "A hate song?"

"Yeah like things I hate about you," he says with a sneer.

He picks up his guitar and places it on his lap again, "You know what? I wrote one already just now," he says.

You stifle a laugh and lightly shake your head, "The stage is yours."

Han lies about making a song in his head just now but he starts by strumming his guitar and plays a combination of chords.

"I hate your hair..." he begins, strumming two chords in between as he thinks of another lyric.

"The way it always falls perfectly in place and makes you look like a girl in a shampoo ad," he tries to fit the melody to the chords he's playing.

"Hate it when you fix my grammar and insist that it's pronounced keen-wah instead of queen-noa," he continues while thinking of another thing he hates.

"I know you're right but god please let me be a man with pride."

You dramatically roll your eyes at that one while keep listening to him as he goes through a bridge which is just him playing the same four chords on repeat.

"Hate it, hate it that I'm your boyfriend," he keeps going.

"Now people going to compare us and say you have the prettiest smile," He slips two chords in between, "but that's okay... because I have the bigger brain."

You frown at that one and throw daggers with your eyes, he takes that as his cue to stop with his make-up song and ends it with a slap on the guitar.

"So..." he drags the word as silence hangs in the air, "what do you think?"

You tilt your head to one side and stay quiet for a moment. You rub your temple is never a good sign and he prepares himself for the worst.

Then you suddenly ask, "Want to make out?"

He repeatedly nods like a happy puppy, putting away his guitar as you crawl on the bed towards him. You put your leg over his body and sit on his lap.

You smile as you look down at his face with your hands holding his face, and then you slowly put your lips on his lips, kissing him with fondness.

He no longer hesitates to touch you, he puts his arms under and around you, angling your head so he can kiss you deeper, and when he pulls away from the kiss, he drags his mouth down the column on your neck.

"Han?" You softly call.

He hums and answers your call with a kiss because that's most likely what you're going to ask him which is to kiss you again.

The hand on his chest pushes him away and keeps a few inches between your faces, "I read your journal this morning," You suddenly confess and hurriedly kiss him, knowing that he's going to be mad about it.

It's his turn to push you away with his hands on your shoulders, "You went through my underwear drawer?"

There's a surprised look on your face, "Ew, no. It was lying near the window sill," you say.

It's his habit of forgetting things, where he puts them, and forgets to put them back in its place. He's bad with his memory but the thing is you read it.

"Another thing on the list of things I hate about you," he remarks.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic," you sigh.

"I wrote about my most personal things there," he says with his hands resting on your shoulder blades.

"Like how you lost your virginity in the backseat of a car while Radiohead's most depressing song is playing in the car stereo?"

"Exit Music For A Film is not depressing," he defends himself.

"They wrote it for the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack and they didn't even play it in the movie because guess what?"

"It's depressing?"

You nod and put your hands on his chest, it's time to turn the conversation back on track, "No one wants to listen to a song about how you lost your virginity but your other songs are good."

"You should let them out to the world," you say with eyes that sparkle and make his heart leap.

He turns away to not let your charm win him over, "You know how I feel about being a singer, by myself on a stage... it's awkward," he explains.

You turn his head back to look at you, "Okay then let's make a band!" You simply solve.

"Unless you want to join then I don't have anyone who wants to be in a band with me," he says with a defeated sigh.

You turn his head back to face you again, "how about a one-man band?"

"That's even lame. I never heard a successful one-man band," he says with a chagrin.

You put on a shocked face and start to list all the one-man bands you know, "Paul McCartney, Prince, Phil Collins, Bon Iver, Tame Impala, LCD Soundsystem, M83, Sufjan Stevens... and Dave Grohl basically started The Foo Fighters by himself," you finish with a proud smile.

"Dave Grohl and I are different entities, he is in Nirvana and I'm just... me, loser," he gives another explanation that makes him not pursue music.

"Being dramatic again," you sigh and rub your temple again.

He slides his hands down your arms and squeezes your elbows, he understands that you're trying to be supportive of his passion but he's not sure of his talent.

He sees your disappointed face and lifts your chin, "I'm not that good," he says.

You don't even try to deny him, probably have enough of doing it for him.

"And I'm still mad about you reading my journal," he says with a pout.

You put your hands around his neck and draw him close, "How about I give you head to make up for it?"

That gets him hot and bothered in a second, he plays it cool as if your words didn't affect him at all.

"Well, if you insist," he says.

You chuckle and kiss him, continuing the make-out session that is put to a halt by an argument. Your hand swiftly works open his jeans and slips inside, palming his hardening member with your hand.

"I'll make you forget that you were mad at me," you whisper before kissing him down his chest and pulling his jeans down to let his cock out of its confine.

Han has already forgotten that he was mad at you the second you take all of his length into your mouth, you're lying between his legs and taking your time to please him with your mouth.

Not just that, he's slowly losing his mind as you keep sucking him and combining it with your hand pumping the rest that you can't take with your mouth.

"Are you close, baby?" You ask before putting his swollen cock in your mouth again.

"Uh-huh," he breathlessly answers.

You pull it out and gasp for air, pumping his cock slick with your spit as you ask, "Where do you want to cum?"

His brain is foggy to pick one out of so many options but you notice that he's eyeing your chest and understand it right away.

You let go of his cock to take your tank top off and let your breasts hang down your chest as you lean down over his crotch to continue sucking his cock. Your nipples are grazing his thighs and his legs twitch at how it arouses him in a newfound way, "close, baby?"

He repeatedly nods and watches you keep the stimulation going by pumping his cock at a quick pace, bringing your chest close as you're doing it.

You put all of your hair to the back, not risking any of his bodily fluid lands on it. You moan and sigh, looking into his eyes as you say, "I can feel you twitching in my hand."

With a few more pumps, the white arch of his seed erupted from the tip of his cock, painting streaks on your chest and breasts.

"You cum a lot, baby," you say with an impressed, sultry smile for him to think that it's a complaint.

You keep your hand going up and down his shaft, milking every drop of the pearly white essence. You use the tip of his cock to smear it all over and around your nipples.

Once you're done playing with his cock that gradually softens in your hand, you crawl over to kiss him.

"Are you still mad?" You ask with a sweet, sinful smile.

He puts on a dumb smile and says, "Me? Mad? I must be crazy to be mad at you."

-

Han is in the middle of his class when he receives a new text message, he should be thankful to whoever texted him because he almost falls asleep until his phone buzzes on his desk and startles him awake. He checks the text by putting his phone under the desk and smiles seeing your contact name as the sender.

"Meet me at the library steps after class," you wrote in your text.

The library steps are located on the steps of the building across the library but they call it the library steps because most students like to read or study while sitting on the steps. Not sure if you know that his class has ended, he looks around and can't find you, so he takes a seat on the steps with his backpack next to his feet.

The weather is cool and pleasant, he has an hour before his next class starts so he has time to wait and enjoy the weather. After a few minutes, he spots you making your way toward him and he gets up to welcome you, you're walking so fast and not slowing down even though he's only a few meters away.

Crash is imminent but that seems to be what your intention is, you loop your arms around his neck and pull him for a kiss. This marks the first time you kiss him on campus and it's nerve-wracking, he can't stop thinking how many people are watching him now.

He looks around the second he lets go of the kiss and finds that no one truly cares. Well, it's not like kissing on the campus ground is illegal so why should he worry?

"Oh, I have fifteen minutes before my next class so I'm just going to text you what I need to tell you," you explain everything in one breath.

"Why can't you tell me now?" He asks, perplexed.

"Because you're most likely to forget it so I'll just text you," you answer and fix the collar of his shirt.

"Then why did you ask to meet me here?" He asks again even with more curiosity.

"That's because I want to see you and kiss you," you simply answer and give him a quick peck on the lips with a giggle.

Han laughs, the kind of laugh that makes him shine from within, a part of him that he has never seen until you brought it out of him.

"Why? I can't do that?" You ask with a chuckle.

He puts his arms around you and pulls you close, "We can definitely do that."

Han takes his turn to kiss you, giving you a long, lingering kiss and trying to keep it appropriate. He endearingly brushes your hair after and tucks it behind your ear. The sun hits you right in the eyes as you look up at him with a smile that is as warm as your smile.

"I have to go now," you mutter.

"Okay," he says and presses a long peck on your lips before letting you go.

It's been months since he dated you and he can still hear Bill Withers singing inside his head.

"Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day..."

-

The address you sent is of the house of someone he doesn't know but he recognized some faces as he walked inside so he assumed it belonged to a fellow university. You said you'll be waiting by the kitchen but it's a big house and it's hard to navigate through the sea of people without bumping into one.

After getting lost in a maze of big and expensive furniture, he finds you in the kitchen like you said, nursing a bottle of beer while leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Hey, you're here!" You exclaim as you see him coming to you.

You're going right into his arms to hug him, "Miss you," you mumble.

"You're drunk already?" He jokingly asks.

You scoff and look at him, "Not even close," you answer.

It's impossible to resist kissing you when you're this close and you're smiling at him, your hands are around him like his personal comfort blanket. Han leans in and gives you a short yet sweet kiss on the lips.

You giggle when he pulls away and hands him your beer, "I have someone I want you to meet," you say.

Han doesn't realize that someone is standing at the end of the counter until you gesture him to come. A small guy wearing a beanie and glasses perched on his nose, he dressed so casually for a party in a white t-shirt and jeans.

"This is Felix," you introduce him.

Felix smiles and offers his hand for a handshake, "I'm Felix," he says.

He gets taken aback by his deep voice, not expecting that it's coming out of this elf-like person, "I'm Han," he introduces back.

"I know Felix from my communication class, we're doing an assignment together and I found out recently that," you turn to look at Han before continuing talking, "Felix plays drums."

Now he gets your intention of inviting him to this party, you know he hates coming to things like this but he understands now.

"I told him about your songs and your dream of forming a rock band," you explain,  avoiding his eyes are you speak since you're doing all of it behind his back.

"Yeah, I'm interested," Felix says between his sips of canned Red Bull.

Han doesn't know how to explain to Felix that it's never his dream to form a rock band, it's mostly you and your steadfast conviction that that dream will come true.

"I don't—"

You cut him off by grabbing his and Felix's hand, "Now, come follow me," you say.

Han and Felix are trailing behind you as you lead the way to the basement of the house that he believes is off-limit to guests.

You open the door to what he guesses is a door to a supply closet, it's indeed that from stacks of sheets and towels on the shelf but on the back, there's another door. From the way you know that it's a sliding door, he believes you've been here but that's a question he'll ask later in private.

"Welcome to rich people's man cave," you announce.

It's a recreation room filled with fun and expensive stuff, it's a literal man cave because Han can imagine him spending most of his time here if he were the owner.

"Are we even allowed here?" Felix asks, being the only one with a conscience.

"I know the owner of the house and I've been here before," you reply but not really answering his question.

Han glares at you for now but something else behind you steals his attention away, a custom Fender Stratocaster. He goes to admire it with his hands.

"Felix, you may want to check this," you say, throwing away the white sheets covering the drums.

He gasps at the sight of it and not waste time sitting behind the drums, touching the surface of it with amazement in his eyes, "Why would they keep this sweet thing hidden in here?"

You stand in the middle of a room and watch them admiring musical instruments like they're historic artifacts. Having enough of being ignored, you say, "You guys can start jamming together, perhaps?"

Han turns to look at you and with his eyes widening, he asks, "You want me to play with this?"

"Yeah."

"Are we even allowed?" Felix asks again.

"No one can hear us playing," you reply and again, not really answering his question.

"How do you know people are not going to hear us jamming in here?" Han asks.

"Uh... I just know," you answer with a grin and a shrug.

"It's soundproofed," Felix adds as he touches the lined walls behind him.

"And it's soundproofed," you repeated his words.

Han doubts that your intention to help him form a band will go according to plan but he can't resist playing the guitar and there's no harm in playing one song.

"What do you usually play?" Han asks Felix.

"Metal, death metal, post-death metal, rock, classic rock..." he lists the genre instead of telling him the band names.

Han thinks of one famous rock song widely known by people but at the same time, he wants to test how knowledgeable Felix is within the rock genre.

"Let's play Black Hole Sun," Han says to him.

Felix thinks for a while, "Soundgarden? Yeah, okay," he agrees.

Now that the guitar is slung across his shoulder and right in front of him, he feels nervous to play it. He plugged the cable that connects it to the amplifier, he's tuning it while Felix is warming up and tightening the screws on the drums.

"Woohoo!" You cheer even though they barely started yet.

Han searches for the chords first on the internet to refresh his memory and warm up his hands, "Ready?"

Felix gives him a thumbs-up in response.

Han starts playing the riff then Felix comes in right after. It's a whole new experience for him to play a song with someone or just like what you called it, jamming.

"Black hole sun, won't you come and wash away the rain?"

with no mic, Han sings as loud as he can but it's impressive how Felix stays on the beat.

"Black hole sun won't you come, won't you come..."

He's too focused on watching Felix nailing the part that leads to the end of the song that he missed a chord, but quickly recovering from it.

"Woohoo!" You cheer again and Han almost forgot that you're in the room with them.

It was thrilling and exciting, he can feel his heart pounding with the guitar still hanging around his chest.

"That was fun!" Felix says with a grin.

Han is at a loss for words, not expecting that he'll love it this much. Maybe he's meant to form a rock band like you said. He holds his hand up at him for a high-five, "Good job, man!"

Felix excitedly high-fives him with a big grin on his face, he looks much more attractive without his glasses and Han can see freckles dotted his cheeks.

You wait until he puts the guitar down to jump at him and fortunately, he's strong enough to catch you, you press a haste kiss on his lips with an exaggerated smooching sound.

"See? I told you!" You tell him before pressing another kiss with your hands around his neck.

Maybe it's the adrenaline still lingering, he kisses you so passionately and ignores that there's another person in the room.

Another person comes into the room and surprises everyone that Han immediately puts you down, "Who are you guys?"

Han glances at you and you glance at him, there's a moment passed in awkward silence, then you make up an excuse on the spot.

"We accidentally stumbled here to get some privacy, you know," you purposely slurring your words and holding on to him to imply that you're drunk.

Han plays a long and puts his hand around your waist, drooping his eyes and putting a stupid smile on his face. He seems to buy it from the way he shifts his eyes to Felix.

"And what is he doing here?" The owner of the mancave asks.

"He..." you drag the word as you think of something, "likes to watch?"

The three of you are still laughing after getting out of the house and stopping to lean against a stranger's car, composing yourselves back from what just happened.

"You said you know the owner of the house," Han says.

"I know but we're not acquainted," you defend yourself with a sly smile.

You turn to Felix and pat his shoulder, "I'm sorry for making you a perv, Lix!"

"That's alright!" He responds with a coy shrug. He's digging into his pocket jeans to pull out his car keys.

"Where do you park your car? Mine is down the block," Felix asks.

You glance at Han before looking back at Felix, "We take public transport. We're a very eco-friendly couple," you say with a sneer.

"Ah..." Felix lowly gasps, "I remember you said your boyfriend is too nervous to drive a car."

Han wonders how much work you put into the group assignment because it seems like you shared things about him a lot rather than doing that.

"Let me give you guys a drive home," Felix kindly offers with a smile.

There's nothing phony about Felix. Han has met a lot of people in his life to know when someone is only putting up a good front but not with Felix, he can tell right away that he's a genuinely kind person.

As a way to get back to you, Han runs to the passenger's side before you and shouts, "Shotgun!"

That leaves you no option but to reluctantly get into the backseat of the car.

After turning the car engine on, Felix leaves it for a while to warm up while he connects his phone to the car stereo, "You don't mind that I put on some music, right?"

Felix is so well-mannered but Han doesn't find it obnoxious, he finds it adorable instead, "It's your car, do what you want."

Once he settles on a song, he backs the car out of someone's driveway and starts driving with one hand on the steering wheel. The song starts with a one-chord guitar strum and followed by a steady bang of drums.

"I AM IRON MAN!" You and Felix shout at the same time.

You lean forward between the seats and put your hand on his shoulder, "it's Lix's favorite band, Black Sabbath."

"Yes, I know," Han says with a snide smile.

"Why aren't you singing along?" You ask, cupping his chin with your hand.

Felix is focused on looking at the road ahead to pay attention to him and how you treat him like a baby, not that he doesn't like it but he prefers not to do it in public.

"Has he lost his mind? Can he see or is he blind? Can he walk at all? Or if he moves, will he fall?" You and Felix sing at the same time.

Han is just too embarrassed to join in but he knows you won't stop teasing him until he sings. Besides that, he can see why Felix likes this band, it's the intense and fast-paced drumming. He's doing it now by tapping his steering wheel with both hands.

Han decides to join when the song gets to the second chorus, "Nobody wants him. They just turn their heads."

"Yeah!" You exclaim in satisfaction and raise your voice louder.

"Nobody helps him. Now he has his revenge," the three of you filling the space in the car with your singing.

The song reaches the climax of heavy riffs and an impeccable guitar solo that makes him feel alive as the car glides through the night.

-

Today will be the first time for Han and Felix to do a band practice together.

Felix regularly practices his drumming and he can use the studio, one of the facilities provided by the university but its use is limited in time, they can practice on Thursday and Saturday for two hours.

"We'd better get started," Han says even though he hasn't tuned his guitar yet.

Han and Felix are in the middle of playing a warm-up song when you come into the studio, carrying drinks for them in one hand. You sit in the corner and watch them until the end of the song before handing out the drinks.

"Iced Americano for the boyfriend," you say as you hand him his drink with a kiss on the cheek.

You walk up to Felix to hand his, "Super sweet latte for the drummer."

"Thank you," Felix mutters and takes a big sip of it.

"Okay, I'm going back to sit in the corner and watch you guys jamming," you say with a smile, sitting on the stool and sipping your drink through a straw.

After taking a break, Han turns to Felix to ask whether he has studied the song he wrote to start practicing it.

"Yeah, I have but I saw that it's not finished yet?" Felix asks while tightening the screws on the drums.

"Yes, I plan on working the rest of the song together with you," Han answers.

Sure, Han is capable of working on the rest of his song himself but he wants to be in a band so every decision he's making now will not be his own.

Felix is patient yet eager to learn, he has musicality that Han believes is above him but he's unaware of it. He's humble and easy to work with, he couldn't find a better partner than him.

Two hours passed without him realizing it and he almost forgot that you were there in the room until you come his way, "Can we grab dinner after this?"

Felix packs his drumming sticks into his backpack, "I second that!"

Since the practice turns out to be a great one, it's only right for him to let the good times roll.

"I'll treat dinner!" He announces and you share a celebration high-five with Felix.

-

The practice is going well but Han feels something is missing. He's reclining on the seat after finishing his meal earlier than everyone else.

"I think we need one more member," Han suddenly shares.

You stop shoving another French fry and ask, "Why? I think you guys sound great!"

Han shrugs, he can't explain it because it's just instinct, "Two-man band is not it. You know what happened to The White Stripes," he explains with an example.

Felix wipes his mouth with a napkin and gulps his cola, "but that's because they have a half-decent drummer."

Hearing Felix's comment, you put down the French fry you're about to eat and push the plate away, "Don't you dare to drag my girl, Meg White, into this!" you say with squinted eyes at Felix.

"That's just fact," Felix innocently says.

"Three things," you say and rest your back, crossing your arms in front of you before laying out the three things on why Felix is wrong.

That's one of the things Han likes about you, you're not scared to speak your mind. He knows very well that you have strong opinions about certain things, he just doesn't like it when he's on the opposite side of things.

Felix is the unlucky one to be in that position right now but Han is more than happy to watch it from the sideline.

"First, their marriage got in the way," you begin with an obvious fact there is.

"Second, Meg took the "less is more" approach and you can get more power when you have more space and give songs character," you eloquently state.

"And third, Meg's parts are full of choices most drummers wouldn't make and that what makes her a one-of-a-kind player."

When Han thinks you're done explaining, you continue while leaning forward on the table, "'Seven Nation Army' is a perfect example of how simple doesn't mean boring. How many drummers would be satisfied playing the same beat for an entire song?" You aim the question at Felix who's looking petrified sitting across the table and too afraid to speak.

"Exactly!" You say even though he doesn't say anything but you take his silence as an answer.

"It's worth sacrificing our egos for the good of music," you finally conclude.

Han can't decide if he should stop it and risk getting trampled in the process or let it be which is a safer option.

"Okay, I'm sorry," Felix stammers.

"Tell that to Meg White!" You tell him.

"Uh... I'm sorry, Meg White," Felix apologizes again.

"Good," you shortly respond and lean back to continue eating your fries, turning back into your normal self.

After making sure you're relaxed and tame, Han decides to continue the talk about looking for another member.

"Anyway..." Han lets out a sigh and uneasily glances at you to continue speaking, "I think we need a bassist."

Felix drags his cup of soda and meekly sips it through a straw, "I don't know any bassist," he says.

"I can play bass but then I can't play two instruments at once, right?" He says with a smirk.

You lean to his side and coo, "Oh, must be tiring to be so good at everything!"

He playfully kisses your lips since you're leaning so close to him and it tastes salty. You giggle as you sit back to continue eating.

Something must have popped into his head as Felix shouts, "Ah, I have a friend who plays guitar really well."

That gets his hopes up that Han feels so optimistic about it again, "Yeah?"

"But she lives abroad now so..." Felix sounded so heartbroken when he said it.

"That's very helpful, Felix," you say while stealing some fries from his plate.

Han draws a sigh but it's too early to give up now, he has just started the band and who knows he'll find a new member soon.

"We just have to keep looking then," Han says.

"Yeah, I agree," Felix responds.

"I'll help," you eagerly offer with a sweet smile at him.

He endearingly pats your head and smiles back at you, "Of course, you are," he can't help but give you a quick peck on the lips.

You're not complaining when Han is riding shotgun again, probably not letting go of the argument you had with Felix earlier. Thankfully, Felix knows how to win you over.

"As an apology to Meg White," he says and presses play on his phone.

The iconic riffs of Seven Nation Army blast through the car stereo followed by the signature thumping of Meg White's drumming.

You break into a smile and shout, "Yeah, Meg White rules!!!"

-

Once he gets the privacy in his studio apartment, Han wraps you into a tight hug and kisses you so hard that you squeal, almost running out of breath.

"You're so hot when you argue," he says with a sly smile.

You chuckle and hold him back, putting your hands around his small waist, "Oh, you want to argue with me?"

He shakes his head and says, "No, I don't want to be on the wrong side of things."

What he said implies that you're always right about things and he knows that will win your heart with it.

"Good choice!" You say.

As expected, you reward him with a long, lingering kiss that escalates things further.

Being inside you strips him away from his sanity. He's thrusting into you hard and he doesn't know how you stay so calm and composed under him.

Your eyes are wide and awake, so still that he can see his reflection in them. You're smiling as you affectionately brush his hair to the back and caress his face.

"You're fucking me so good," you tell him with an open-mouthed kiss and you know that he needed to hear that.

It feels inexplicably intimate and raw, he feels naked than he already is with the way you're staring deeply into his eyes.

"Stop looking at my sex face," he turns to look the other way.

You chuckle and turn his head to face you again, making him look you in the eyes while fucking you.

He can't lie that he's close to his high, can no longer contain his groans so he lets them spill out of his parted mouth.

"Oh, fuck..." he curses between his grunts as he launches his cock deep inside you.

You break into laughter underneath him while he's still reeling from his high and his cock still planted deep inside you.

"What's so funny, mmh?" He asks with a kiss on your jaw.

You shake your head with your hands still hanging around his neck, "Nothing."

"You're making fun of my sex face, huh?" He says with eyes closed.

You don't answer but keep laughing even after he collapses onto the bed next to you, "Stop laughing!"

That doesn't stop you from laughing, he crawls over and puts his body on top of you, pressing a kiss to stop you from laughing.

It's a fruitless effort that you're still chuckling when he lets go of the kiss, "I hate you."

He presses a hard kiss on your mouth again and with a conflicted feeling he says, "But the sex was so good I can't hate you."

When he returns from the bathroom, he sees you already dressed in his t-shirt and lying on your side of the bed with your eyes closed.

He dives right into your arms with his head nuzzled into the crook of your neck, he puts your hands around him just how he likes it.

From the way your hand slips into his hair and softly scratches at it, he knows that you're still awake.

"So, how did it feel playing your song for the first time?" You ask.

A lot has happened in the last 24 hours but it's mostly good, practicing his song and getting to hear how it turns out is a feeling he can't describe.

What's important is this feels right to him, it feels like it's meant to be.

"It feels... amazing," he says with a dreamy sigh.

You hum in answer and place a soft kiss on the top of his head, "I just know that you're going to be great."

Your faith in him is unwavering and he starts to believe that forming a rock band of his dreams is possible and that he can create great things with this band.

"You know, Nirvana has this secret track called Sappy," you suddenly share with your voice low and sleepy.

"It's a great song and I wish that a lot of people know about this song," you say.

You pause to take a breath and quietly exhale it, "but at the same time, I want to gatekeep it."

You lift your head and search for his eyes to say, "That's you."

Han lifts his head to hover above you, putting inches between your faces, "You're saying I'm Sappy?" He jokingly says.

You sleepily smile and lick your lips before talking, "I want the world to know how great you are with your songwriting, your music, your wit, your unfunny jokes..."

He glares at you, feeling offended that you think his jokes are not funny.

"But at the same time, I want to keep it for you myself," you say with eyes that shine and show how honest you are with what you said.

It's a heartwarming analogy and he understands the sentiment in it. He hasn't shown all of his yet but you talk about his greatness like they're written in stones. Han appreciates you more for saying that and seeing through all of his shortcomings and weaknesses and unfunny jokes.

The sound of you calling his name, your laugh, your smile, your low snores, and everything that comes out of your mouth. Those are his favorite songs.

He places a soft kiss on your lips and murmurs, "You are my favorite song."

As much as he wants you to share your greatness with the world, Han wants to keep you for himself.

-

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[zablife]

Broken Promises

Henry Johnson/Michael Gray x fiancee reader

Summary: When your fiancé leaves you at the altar, you go in search of answers in a frightening, new city. As you close in on him, you find that you aren't prepared for the man he has become.

Author's Note: Requested by a lovely anon.

Warnings: broken engagement, implied SA, mention of execution, Michael being an ass, heavy angst

1921, Kent

As your grandmother's shaky hands finished pinning your veil in place, she beamed with pride. "Even more beautiful than your mother was when she wore it," she mused, wiping a tear from her eye. "I only wish she was here to see you, love."

"I have you," you reminded her, reaching forward to wrap your arms around the only family member you had left in the world.

Prying you away from her delicate frame, she gazed upon you with affection that creased every well worn line of her soft skin. Eyes glistening with tears, you noted a tinge of sadness as she admitted, "But now you have Henry." Squeezing your hands for emphasis, she confided, "I'm glad he'll be here to look after you when I'm gone."

You wanted to tell her that wouldn't be for a long time, but a sharp knock interrupted your thoughts. "Is the bride ready?" a cheerful voice chirped from the other side.

Opening the heavy oak door, you were greeted warmly by your future mother-in-law, cheeks as rosy as the apples in her orchard as she bustled into the room to add her compliments. "Aren't you a beauty!" she exclaimed.

"You're too kind," you demurred as she proceeded to tell you how pleased she was for her son.

"Have you seen Henry this morning? Is he well?" you asked excitedly, wondering how your love had fared the night before.

Since your meeting two years ago, at the tender age of sixteen, neither of you had gone a day without meeting at the wishing well at the center of your village. Sitting upon the shining white bricks, you shared the small details of your day. It might have seemed mundane to others, but it gave you a sense of comfort to know there was nothing you didn't share with one another.

Rosemary shook her head with a good natured chuckle as she admitted, "You know, in all the fuss, I haven't seen my own son!"

Her lighthearted reply made you giggle because she was accustomed to such lapses, forgetting the bread in the oven or leaving her spectacles tucked in a book.

Then in classic fashion, she overshared a bit as she patted your hand, "You know you needn't worry about the stag party. He promised his father he'd only drink mild."

"I'm not worried, Mrs. Johnson," you replied, stifling a laugh.

"Rosemary, dear," she corrected you. "And I'm certain if he isn't here, he'll be along shortly."

You nodded in agreement, smiling to yourself in the full length mirror as you brushed the lace away from your face to study your reflection carefully.

---------------------

1924, Birmingham

The curtains in your bedsit flapped lightly in the wind, waking you with a start. A cough erupted from your lungs, unaccustomed to the smoke filled air of the city. What could have brought your fiancee to this God forsaken place?, you wondered as you rushed to close the window.

You made yourself a cup of tea and sat quietly watching the passersby, hoping by some miracle Henry would stroll by, though you knew from the papers he was locked away in a prison cell. Or at least, that's what you'd come to believe after staring at the smudged ink for too long, convinced he was now a man called Micheal Gray. Though it turned your stomach to think he was accused of murdering a priest, it was the only lead you'd found in three years time.

But in the fortnight since your arrival, you hadn't learned anything new, despite your efforts. The only other trace of Henry since your wedding had been an unreliable account by a lad who claimed he saw he a strange man with a scar speaking with Henry weeks before your wedding, rumors of a new life in Birmingham sprinkled into the conversation.

As you gazed down at the ring languishing on your finger, you wondered if he ever thought of you late at night, yearning for those moments of connection by the well. Did he even care that he'd left you all alone at the altar or worse yet, at the graveside of your beloved grandmother a month later? The heart break had nearly been too difficult to bear.

Now all you had to guide you was a whisper, a faded conversation in which Henry had been lured by the promises of a dark, foreboding stranger. This was probably why you'd forgiven his lapse of judgement, the concern for his wellbeing outweighing the anger you held in your heart. However, the second ring you wore, your grandmother's gold band, burned your skin as it reminded you of your worth which was far more than that assigned to you by your absent lover.

The combination of curiosity and indignation propelled you forward, day by day, searching the city for those who could provide answers. Usually the day ended with aching feet and a rumbling stomach, but today your efforts would be rewarded by a chance encounter with a dark haired woman, children clinging to her skirts.

You were buying a loaf of bread in the market when one of their small hands began to reach for you, their mother scolding them with a harsh slap.

"It's alright," you assured her. "Far too much for me on my own. I'm glad to share."

"Thank you," the wild eyed woman remarked, accepting your generosity. "Times are hard with my husband away. Yours locked up as well?" she ventured, casting a look at your ring.

Unsure how to reply, you lowered your eyes to the cobblestones beneath your feet as she prattled on about her John and how he'd been falsely accused thanks to her evil brother-in-law. "Not just him, mind you, everyone else in the family," she bemoaned as she fed the bread to her children. "Arthur, Polly, Michael..." she rambled absently as she tore the crust apart in even pieces.

"Did...did you say Michael? As in Michael Gray?" you stuttered hopefully.

"You know him?" she asked, head jerking up at the mention of his surname.

"Yes," you admitted, on an uneven breath. "Do you know where I can find him?"

-----------------

It was thru her suggestion that you met with the inspector bringing charges in the case. Chester Campbell was a disagreeable man, but the only one willing to discuss matters with you privately. For that you thanked him profusely, though in an hour's time you would not have done the same.

He had only one motive in sequestering you inside an interrogation room and the instant the door slammed behind you, your heart sank with the bitter realization of his true intentions. If you wanted Michael free, or if you wanted your own freedom for that matter, he suggested you comply with every devilish command he gave.

By the time he was finished, you were shaking in violent convulsions. As he draped a coat around you to conceal the tattered remains of your dress, you slipped away into the bustling street with an official document clutched tightly to your chest. It was your only solace in those dark hours that followed, waiting for the promised release of the man you only hoped would never learn of your sacrifice.

----------------------

You entered a new state of watchful waiting those next few days as you kept regular meetings with Esme. She kept you abreast of the news regarding the trial, mostly family matters that wouldn't be known to reporters. And though she urged you to see Michael before it was too late, you found yourself averse to the idea until one fateful day.

Finding Esme slumped over in a fit of grief, you ran to her. "What's happened?" you begged.

"Ain't you seen the papers?" she wailed.

You only shook your head in ignorance, a hand stroking along her back as she pitched forward in garbled cries. "They're....they're being executed."

The blood froze in your veins as you processed her words, wondering if this was truly the end of it all.

"You're sure?" you asked, swallowing the lump in your throat. As she nodded against your shoulder you had only one question left. "When?"

"At dawn."

---------------------

The next morning you waited by the prison gate, hands pounding against the splintering wood until your fists were raw and aching. But no one paid any attention to the woman raving beneath their window. And who could blame them when you pleaded for the life of a killer?

By the time the clock tower struck twelve, you knew in your heart that the deed was done. Henry? Micheal? Whoever the man you once loved had been in life was no more. You sank to your knees and sobbed in a way you hadn't allowed yourself since your wedding day. Three long years of pain and sacrifice for this, you thought.

As the sun dipped toward the horizon, you finally found the strength to pick yourself up and amble toward the road. However, a harsh creak of metal stopped you in your tracks. Turning to face the path you'd just walked, you could hardly believe your eyes as you caught sight of Henry standing bruised and battered, but alive nonetheless.

Your breath caught in your throat as your hand reached out toward him involuntarily, years of longing superseding your rational mind. "H-henry?" you called to him.

The man before you furrowed his brow for a moment as he reached into his pocket for a cigarette. He looked as though he were lost in a daze as he took his time lighting it, the glowing match in his hand quivering slightly. You could tell that the years had aged him, but not beyond total recognition. Somewhere beneath the hardened exterior was the boy you knew long ago in the countryside and you longed for him to hold you in his arms once more.

However, your daydream was cut short when he replied gruffly, "What do you want?"

You stepped toward him cautiously, head tilted as you took in his disheveled appearance. His waist coat was dirty and torn, pants far too short for his height and yet he still looked as handsome as you remembered. Then you wondered if perhaps he was having trouble recalling you as well due to the recent trauma.

"It's me...Y/n," you offered gently. "I came to find what became of you," you answered earnestly. "I...I was worried."

He raised his head to the sky, considering the passing clouds for a moment before blowing a lungful of smoke upward to join them. "Well you don't have to worry anymore. I'm fine," he assured you, placing the cigarette between pursed lips.

You shook your head at his cool detachment, eyes searching his for the hint of the caring young man you once knew. "You were sentenced to hang today and that's all you have to say, Henry?"

"That's not my name," he corrected you sternly. "I go by Michael now."

"Yes, I know," you mumbled in confusion.

"Look, if you came about our engagement..." he began, a threatening scowl crossing his face as he plucked the cigarette from his lips in a telling reveal he knew exactly who you were.

"No, I see that's long forgotten," you admitted with a heavy heart. "But I want you to know I still care for you deeply," you ventured on baited breath.

He hummed to himself gently as he nodded in agreement, "I know.." Then stilling all movement he replied without a hint of emotion, "The guards told me what you did."

Your body clenched in fear at the prospect of him learning your shameful secret, but you stood fast waiting to hear what else he might say. As his mouth curled into a small smile, you allowed yourself a morsel of hope, until he spat cruelly, "They thought it was funny."

You shifted uncomfortably before him, chest aching with shattered pride as he huffed out a humorless laugh at your expense.

"I suppose it is," he decided before turning his heel into the gravel decisively, leaving you alone in the freezing shade of the empty yard.

"Wait!" you shouted, racing toward him to capture his arm between desperate fingertips. "You can't mean that. I know you cared for me once too. What happened?" you begged, tears streaming down your face.

As he flicked his cigarette butt into the street, he eyed you in a side long glance. "You think you know me, but you never understood," he said with a shake of his head.

"That's not true," you insisted, twisting his arm to make him look at you. "You loved our life...you loved...me," you stuttered out between hiccuped sobs, all the pent up emotion rising to the surface. "Don't you remember all those wonderful afternoons we spent at the wishing well?"

The clench of his jaw and the ironlike grip against your hand frightened you, but it was nothing in comparison to the spiteful look in his eye when he finally faced you.

"Do you know all the times I thought about planting dynamite beneath those pretty white bricks to blow you to hell?" he seethed.

You jerked your hand away in terror just as he released you, falling to the ground with a painful thud. "Henry?" you mumbled as you looked up at him in shock.

"I already told you, that's not who I am anymore," he hissed before stalking away and as you watched him disappear into the smoke and fog, you finally had to concede that he was right. The boy who promised to cherish you forever was gone. He'd been replaced by some monster now wandering the dark and desolate streets of his new home, a place where you did not belong.

---------------

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[mandos-mind-trick]

Dream of You

Summary: You know things. Things you shouldn’t. You knew about the clones, about the Republic’s army long before the war started. You knew about their training, you knew about attacks and battles even before they happened, long before the rest of the galaxy knew about them. Your only regret is not saying something sooner. 

Pairing: Echo x reader Soulmate AU

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, unprotected sex, slight aftercare, angst, war, Echo's "death", slight description of medical stuff, paranoia, depression, very brief implied mention of suicidal thoughts, fluffy, happy ending, Soulmate AU

A/N: Did I intend the last two soulmate fics to have similar links...not really. It just happened this way. Also, this is the NSFW Echo soulmate fic, the one with ace!reader is coming shortly. I'll be making a post when I'm close to finishing that one. I really struggled with this so sorry if it's garbage. Echo was not musing for me this time around.

MASTERLIST

Blaster fire. 

It’s all around you, though that was fairly common for your dreams. You’re not sure where you are. You can’t see anything defining, nothing that would point out where you are or what you’re doing. 

“This is our only chance. We’ve got to stop him.” The voice echoes in your head. It’s coming from you. It’s your voice. 

You rush forward, grabbing a shield from the ground despite the bolts being fired at you. You rush towards the shuttle, firing at the droids in an attempt to secure it. 

“Echo look out!” 

Before the words register in your mind, before you can react you’re flying, being thrown forward by a wave of heat and energy. 

An explosion. 

The sound registers in your ears as you hit the ground. It’s dark, wherever you’ve landed. The pain begins to register as the shock wears off. Your whole body feels as if it's on fire. You can feel your pulse in your legs and arms, blood on your tongue. You can’t move. Even if you wanted to, even if you tried to call out, you can’t. 

You’re dying. 

****

You wake with a scream. Tears are gliding down your cheeks, and have been judging on the dampness of your face. You’re shaking uncontrollably, breaths coming in hyperventilating gasps. 

Your soulmate’s going to die. 

A hand lands on your shoulder, shaking you gently. “You alright?” 

You’re still hyperventilating, your brain refusing to respond. You’re soulmate’s going to die. Your soulmate’s going to die. It’s the only thing you can think of. 

“Look at me.” One of your fellow medics, Zena, kneels down on the other side of you. You like Zena. You’d consider her a friend. “I need you to breathe, otherwise you’re going to pass out.” 

She’s right. You can feel the tingling in your hands and feet and face as the carbon dioxide in your blood rapidly decreases. Zena takes a deep breath, holding it before letting it out. You try to mimic her, slowing your hyperventilating until your breathing is semi-even, broken only by the occasional sobs as you continue to cry. 

“What is it?” Zena asks, sitting on the edge of your bunk. “What’s going on?” 

“E-Echo.” You stutter out. “He’s...he’s go-gonna die!” 

A sympathetic look crosses her face. She’s one of the few that know about your soulmate, an ARC Trooper stationed with the 501st named Echo. You’ve never met, at least in person. You share a unique connection with him. Every time you sleep, you dream of what your soulmate will experience the next day. It started about eight years ago. You knew things about the GAR, about the war, long before it started. You’ve dreamed of battles that have happened since, things you shouldn’t know. Things that would get you arrested and sent to interrogation. 

It was what led you to sign up to be a medic, the hope that you might by chance run into your soulmate. Of course, you hadn’t known back then about the rules, the Kaminoans and the GAR forbidding the clones from forming links with their soulmates. The more you learned about the clones, the more angry it made you at the GAR. 

Zena squeezes your arm. “Maybe...maybe Commander Bly could help. He could alert the 501st command or something.” 

You scrub a hand over your face, smearing tears all over your skin. She’s right. Maybe...maybe things aren’t hopeless. You’re risking a lot. You’ll have to reveal your connection to Echo. If anyone finds out, he’ll be forced to reject you. By saving him, you might force yourselves apart for good. 

It would be better than losing him permanently. 

You throw the covers back, sliding your feet into your boots. “I need to find the Commander.” 

You’ve only spoken to Commander Bly once, while you patched his wound after a battle. You didn’t interact with command much outside the med bay. You were so far below their ranks. Your job was to patch wounds and keep injured troopers alive long enough to receive care. You were about to step so far out of your zone, but if it might save your soulmate’s life, then it will be worth it. 

You’re out the door of the bunks in a flash, before anyone can bring into question your course of action, before you can really question your decision. You head to the bridge, the first place you can think of as to where Commander Bly might be. 

You’re stopped at the doors before you can even get inside. “Authorized personnel only.” The trooper says. 

“I need to see Commander Bly.” You say, putting as much authority in your voice as you can. 

“He’s busy.” The trooper says. 

“It’s an emergency.” You say. “Lives are at stake.” 

The troopers at the door share a glance before one steps inside. You only get a quick glance through the doors before they’re closing again. You stand there and wait for what feels like too long, before the doors open, the trooper returning with Commander Bly in tow. 

He seems far more imposing now than he had when you’d patched his wound. You had been running high on adrenaline, patching trooper after trooper for hours after the battle ended. The adrenaline made you more brave. You could use some of that now. Right now all you have is desperation. 

Commander Bly leads you to a private room, your heart pounding in your chest. How were you going to tell him? How were you going to make him believe you? You’d have to spill, you’d have to tell him the truth and hope he believed the same as the other clones about soulmates. You’re risking so much, but if it saves even one life, perhaps it will be worth it. 

“You think someone’s in trouble?” He asks, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You nod, taking a deep breath. Your hands are still shaking, still rattled by your dream. “It’s the 501st, sir.” You push the tears away, not wanting to cry in front of your Commander. “Something’s wrong, something’s going to happen.” 

“And how do you know this?” He asks skeptically, raising an eyebrow at you. 

“My...my soulmate is with the 501st.” You say. “We share a dream connection. I-I had a dream last night. He’s going to die.” 

Commander Bly stares at you for a moment before he sighs, his shoulders drooping. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you want me to do.” 

“Warn them. Contact them. Something!” You say, raising your voice a bit. “There has to be something that can be done.” 

He shakes his head. “The 501st is on a campaign right now. No warning I could send is going to change what happens. We have to do our duty first.” 

Tears blur your eyes at his words. Of course it was foolish to think you could stop one clone from dying. You shouldn’t have bothered. Now you could be reported to GAR officials. 

“I’m sorry.” The Commander at least has the decency to sound sympathetic. He puts a hand on your shoulder, squeezing gently. “There’s a shuttle leaving for Coruscant in less than an hour. I’ll put in the leave request paperwork.” 

You feel defeated. That’s it, then. There’s no swooping in and saving him, no way of preventing his death. Maybe this was the way it was always supposed to be. Fate wouldn’t give you a soulmate you weren’t going to meet. 

So what does that say about you? 

You drag your feet back to the barracks, packing your things silently as the tears slide down your cheeks. You feel numb, like your body is already preparing for the inevitable pain. It was going to happen today. You don’t know exactly when. It’s almost worse. 

You find the shuttle, boarding it without a word. You squish yourself in between two crates, pulling your knees to your chest as you wait for the soul-crushing pain of your soulmate’s death to hit you. 

***

You’ve been on Coruscant for two days. You’ve fluttered in and out of sleep, tears, and a deep numbness that prevented you from doing much else besides sitting and staring out the window of your hotel. You haven’t dreamed once in the many hours you’ve spent asleep. It’s all been dark, black, a void of nothingness. 

Was this what it felt like losing a soulmate? 

No one could ever fully describe it. They said it was horribly painful, like a piece of them was dying and decaying and it left a gaping hole in its place that never fully healed. 

You certainly feel like one big gaping hole. 

There’s been no pain, no soul-shredding feeling. Just numbness and emptiness. Perhaps it’s different for everyone. Perhaps your brain had blocked it out to save you from the pain of having to feel part of your soul dying. 

On the third day they arrive. 

You had managed to drag yourself into the shower, and you answer the door with dripping hair. Two members of the Coruscant Guard stand at your door. They ask your name and you confirm it. You’ve been summoned to the GAR headquarters. 

You already know what this is about. 

They let you at least make yourself decent and put shoes on before they escort you to the speeder. You’re not under arrest, which is a good sign, but you can imagine you’re headed into an interrogation. Someone had spilled on your link, on your knowledge of things you shouldn’t have known. Was it Commander Bly? One of your fellow civilians? 

You’re not mad. 

You’re far too numb to feel anything that strong. 

You’re escorted into the building and led through the labyrinth of lifts and halls. You’re left in a room with hardly more than a table and chairs and an overhead light. You lower yourself into one of the chairs, trying to prepare yourself for your impending interrogation. You can only imagine the things you’re going to get asked about. 

You’re not sure how long you wait there in the plain, windowless room. It feels like an external representation of how you feel inside. You can’t even bring yourself to feel nervous when an Admiral joins you in the room. 

He asks your name and your station, questions you can easily answer. You know you can’t lie. Getting caught in a lie isn’t going to help you any, and besides, why would you lie now? Your soulmate’s dead. They can’t do anything about it. 

“Having highly confidential information about the GAR and its battles puts you in a precarious situation.” The Admiral says. 

“Well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore.” You say. “After all, my soulmate is dead.” 

“Yes, what a pity. The loss of clones is an unfortunate aspect of the war that the Republic has no choice but to accept.” The Admiral says, no sympathy in his tone whatsoever. “You could have been a useful asset. Perhaps if we had known, things could have gone differently.” 

Your hands ball into fists, sudden rage boiling under the surface. It’s the first thing you’ve felt in days. You know it’s not true. They wouldn’t have risked anything to save Echo. He’s just another clone to them. Another faceless body to throw in front of a blaster. 

You’re shuttled back to your hotel and left at the door like nothing had happened. You’re still burning with rage, your body clinging to the first emotion it’s been able to conjure in days. You want to flip the table in your room, destroy the bed, break a window, something. You don’t have that kind of money, though, to pay for those damages. Nor do you want to put some poor housekeeper through that. 

Instead you drop on the bed and let out a scream into the pillow. The rage begins to boil down to tears, your sobs muffled by the dampening pillow. You cry yourself to sleep, drifting back into a state of numbness. 

***

It’s cold. You can’t see anything, you can’t hear anything. All around you is cold and dark. You can’t move, you can’t feel. You’re numb. The pain is gone, replaced by nothing. Nothing but numbing blackness in the cold around you. 

No, wait. You can hear something. Something off in the distance. It’s getting louder, echoing in your mind. 

CT-1409. 

CT-1409.

***

You can still hear it when you wake. 

CT-1409. 

You blink the tears from your lashes, sitting up on the bed. It’s night, the city illuminated outside the window. You haven’t been asleep long. You’d been in the GAR headquarters longer than you thought. 

CT-1409. 

You rise from the bed, moving towards the window, looking down at the city as far as you can, until it disappears into the cloud of haze that separates the upper and lower levels. You suddenly back away from the window, all but punching the button to close the shutters. It cuts off the only light, bathing the room in complete darkness. For half a moment you expect the cold to come seeping back in. 

CT-1409. 

You need to get off Coruscant. You need to get out from under the eyes of the Republic. You need to hide. You need to disappear before they make you.  

CT-1409. 

You use your savings to purchase a ship. It’s a piece of junk, but it has hyperspace capabilities. That’s all you need. You need to find somewhere remote. After that, you’ll figure it out from there. You have little money left, but being a medic means you’ll be able to find jobs easily. You can work anywhere. Someone’s always looking to hire medics. 

You just need to disappear from the Republic. 

*** 2 Years Later ***

You’re still dreaming. 

You had dreamed of the frozen darkness most out of everything. Occasionally you’d get more. Strange noises, things spoken in a language you couldn’t understand. Occasionally you’ll see flashes, images. You can never quite make them out. 

You think it might be your brain trying to get used to dreaming its own dreams again. Or perhaps it's your brain's way of trying to make up for the loss of your soulmate. The numbness has slowly faded into the background, though it hasn’t really left. You found a remote planet to live on, one far from war. You got a job at the medical center in a small town, the job almost boring compared to the heart racing adrenaline inducing insanity of the war. 

You don’t mind. It keeps you off the radar. 

You’ve built a decent life here in two years. As decent a life as you could, at least. You still feel empty and lonely. That longing feeling for your other half hasn’t left. The fact you know you’ll never get to have him only makes it worse. 

You cry more than you’d like to admit. You understand now why people don’t last long when their soulmate dies. You’d hardly call this living. More just simply existing. 

You have considered it. You can never quite bring yourself to. There’s always something in the back of your mind holding you back. Sometimes you wish you were brave enough. 

It’s one of those nights when it happens. 

***

It’s dark and cold again. It feels different this time. Something’s happening, but you’re confused. 

Suddenly the darkness is gone, and you’re staring at what seems to be a control room. 

“We-We have to get to the shuttle to escape the Citadel.” The voice echoes in your head. “No! I’ll go first!” 

“Echo.” Another voice says. “Echo, it’s Rex. I’m here.” 

A face enters your vision. You know that face. You’ve seen it many times. “Rex? You, you came back for me?” 

“Yes.” He looks guilty. “Yes I did.” 

“What, what happened? Where am I?” Your gaze swings to look around the room.

“It’s okay, Echo.” Your gaze is drawn back to Rex. “You’re safe now. Just sit tight trooper. You’re going home.” 

***

You startle awake, tears sliding down your cheeks. You stare at the wall across from your bed in disbelief. It can’t be...but it had felt like the other dreams. 

Has he been alive this whole time? 

Had he somehow survived the explosion? It would explain the other dreams, the lack of pain at his passing. Had your suffering been simply your own creation because you thought he was dead? 

Has he been alive this whole time? 

Your dream means he’ll be getting rescued today. Hope blooms inside you that it is true, that it is really a dream of what’s going to happen. Many feelings flood you for the first time in a long time. The numbness is pushed away as emotions bubble within you. You don’t know whether to be happy or worried or sad or relieved. All you can do is cry. Again. 

Of course, you’ll have no way of knowing if it really does come true. You have no connections in the GAR anymore, and you can’t risk them finding you. You did sort of desert the army and break your contract. You know a prison cell is waiting for you if you go back. 

Fate won’t give you a soulmate you’ll never meet. 

You’re not entirely sure you trust fate. It’s put you through the wringer, but with this new development, that could change. Maybe you will find your way together after all. 

You call out of work, knowing you won’t be able to focus. You hardly leave your bed, thinking over the dream, over the fact your soulmate is alive. The longer you lay there, the faster the regrets start seeping in. What if you hadn’t left the Republic? You could have found a way to finally get to him, to finally meet him for the first time. 

There was no guarantee. 

Fate won’t give you a soulmate you’ll never meet. Perhaps it was always meant to happen this way. Perhaps it was better if it happened this way. 

***

Your dreams return to normal as the months pass. Dreams of battles continue to be the most common. You see new faces now, faces you don’t recognize in your dreams through Echo’s eyes. Things have changed for him too. 

You’ve always wondered what he saw in his dreams. Battles too, you imagined, though different ones than the ones he partook in. You wonder if he ever saw the clones you couldn’t save, his brothers suffering, you attempting to save their lives. 

Your dreams must seem very boring now. 

You wonder if he had still dreamed of you during the period of...whatever had happened to him. You wonder if he feels relief seeing how different your life is now. You wonder what he thinks of you. 

You wonder if he even wants to meet you. 

You shake those thoughts away, burying yourself in your work at the medical center. You don’t want to think about it. Rejection was still a strong possibility. Between the war and the GAR and the fact that not everyone wanted a soulmate, he could still reject you. 

You force the thoughts away, focusing on your dreams instead. Watching what he’s doing, making sure he’s not going to die again. 

Then the war ends. 

Despite the war being over, chaos still ensues in the galaxy. You don’t trust the Empire, and that distrust only continues as your dreams continue. You watch the things that happen to Echo, and his eventual desertion. You’re helpless to do much but watch the events that transpire. 

You wait patiently, biding your time as Echo and his squad try to find their place in the galaxy. It feels almost wrong to have such a front row seat to the goings on in his life despite never having met him in person before. Then again, he has a front row seat to your life as well, though your life is much more boring than his, even now. 

As the weeks pass and the disruption continues in the galaxy, your new home planet remains entirely untouched. There wasn't much special about it. No major exports, no convenient hyperspace lanes nearby, no major cities. It's a perfect place to hide. 

Echo has also found a place to hide. You begin to see a place popping up in your dreams regularly. An idea begins to form in your head as you learn about the place in your dreams. 

Ord Mantell. 

Cid's Parlor. 

You could easily find that place. Ord Mantell's not far from your current home. You could reach it in a matter of hours. All you have to do is take time off work and jump in your scrap pile of a ship. 

The idea makes you nervous. What if he doesn't want to meet you? What if he rejects you? Years. Years you've been waiting for this. You spent years thinking he was dead. Now he's within reach and...you're scared. 

You dream of yourself that night. 

You've already made up your mind, or fate has made it for you. 

You're halfway to Ord Mantell before the sun rises on your home planet. 

***

Cid's Parlor is a rather seedy place. You've been in worse, but you suppose for a front it's perfect. You take the stairs slowly, trying to remember to breathe. This is the moment. Two years ago you would have been running in and throwing your arms around him. 

It's been a long two years. 

You enter the bar, the inside not any better than the outside. There's a weequay and an ithorian at a dejarik table, and then the five at the bar. You recognize them from your dreams. Well, you recognize four of them. 

You've never actually seen Echo. You were always seeing from his perspective. You always assumed he'd look like the other clones, but then you'd seen the new group he was with and realized maybe they don't all look alike. 

You can pick him out in the group by process of elimination. You recognize the other three, having seen them at various points, and then of course there's the girl. You take a long look at Echo, tears gathering in your eyes. 

You're so close. So close. 

"Echo?" You ask, the bar seeming to go quiet as soon as you say it. 

Everyone turns to look at you, brows furrowed in confusion. Echo steps back from the bar, staring at you. He's paler than the others, his face sunken and gaunt. There's a headset wrapped around his head, and you notice the cybernetic right arm. 

The furrow of his brows lift into shock, his eyes widening as he stares at you. He whispers your name, almost too quiet for you to hear. 

You're moving before you realize it, your arms wrapping around him. He's solid and warm and his plastoid chest plate digs into your skin, but you don't care. He's real. 

His arms wrap around your shoulders, holding you against him. 

"I-I didn't think..." You sniffle, a tear sliding down your cheek. "Two years! I thought you were dead."

He lets out a chuckle, his hand sliding down your back. "Yeah. Everyone thought I was." 

You pull away as a throat clears beside you. Your cheeks warm a bit. You'd completely forgotten the others. 

"Echo...care to explain?" The one with the bandana, Hunter you think, asks. 

Echo slips his arm back around you, holding you against his side. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet my soulmate."

The guarded look on Hunter's face lessens just a bit. You hadn't expected to be welcomed with open arms and trusted immediately. Not after the things you've seen. 

You get introduced to everyone, and you find yourself sitting at the bar, telling Echo all about yourself. Where you came from, how you joined the GAR, why you left, where you wound up. He knew a lot already. He'd dreamed of you occasionally during the two years you'd thought he was dead. He hadn't really understood what was happening during that time though. To be fair, you hadn't either. 

You talk a bit about them, filling in some gaps in your understanding of what was happening to them. 

"We need somewhere to lay low for a while." Hunter says. 

"Well, I just happen to know the perfect place." You say. "It kept me hidden from the Republic and there hasn't been even a glance from the Empire so far."

"It's out of the way of most hyperspace lanes." Tech says, typing away at his datapad. "No major cities or ports. Mostly self-sufficient. Nothing anyone would be interested in." 

You shrug. "It's not much, but it is safe." 

***

"We're going in that?" Echo asks as you stand next to your ship docked at the port. 

"Hey, don't hate on Bertha." You pat the side of the ship, something clanging inside. "She helped me escape the Republic."

You lower the ramp, having to fiddle with it as it sticks for a moment. Echo gives you an incredulous look but you wave him in. She may be a bit temperamental, but your ship has a special place in your heart. 

"Tech will have a heyday with this one if you let him get his hands on it." Echo says, taking the copilot's seat. 

"Well, he's more than welcome if he gets bored." You say, firing up the engine. "Can't make her any worse." You grin at him, giving the control panel a solid smack to stop it from rattling. 

Echo doesn't relax until you're in hyperspace. You don't take it personally. You had been a little nervous flying the first time but though she was prone to rattling, Bertha flew perfectly fine. 

You turn to look at Echo as the blue of hyperspace surrounds you. You reach out, pressing your hand to his cheek. His skin isn't as warm as you'd expect, your brow furrowing a little. 

His hand lifts, resting against yours. Your thumb strokes his cheek, reminding yourself that he's real. He's right here with you finally. 

"Echo...what happened to you?" You ask. 

And he tells you. You spend the entire trip listening to his story. He starts at the beginning, explaining things you knew and many you didn't. You listen to it all. The good, the bad, the heartbreaking. 

You cry for him a few times. Cry for the pain and the misery and the torture he's faced. He wipes your tears, dampening his glove but he doesn't seem to care. 

You talk almost the entire flight, catching up on years of missed time. Echo only slightly clings to the seat as Bertha drops from hyperspace and you begin the hour flight to your home planet. It's slow going, Bertha not exactly made for speed. 

The others are already there when you land, by no surprise. Though your home was small, you could offer them a roof over their head until they found something more permanent. 

If they decided to stay here. 

You try not to think about that too much. 

"Glad you made it." Hunter says, eyeing Bertha as you and Echo step off the ramp. 

"Not you too." You make a face. "She flies just fine, she's just got creaky joints."

You can already see the wheels turning in Tech's head as he eyes Bertha. You lead them inside, showing them your small house. You only have one spare room and a couch but they assure you they can just sleep on the ship. You feel bad, but then again you hadn't really been expecting this when you ran from the Republic. 

You hadn't expected a lot to happen. 

You make dinner, probably the first home cooked meal they've had in a long time, or possibly ever. Echo hovers in the kitchen but you don't mind. You like having him close after all this time. You're still a little afraid you'll turn around and find he's gone. Like he's been a figment of your imagination this whole time. 

They leave you and Echo the house for the night, and you can tell by the look on Hunter's face it's deliberate. You hadn't really considered that but you knew anything could happen after you meet your soulmate.

You find Echo in your room after you finish cleaning up. He's standing next to the bed, tracing the carving on the wall. 

CT-1409 

You'd carved it after hearing it again in your dream. You'd been half dazed, repeating the number over and over in your head. 

He turns to look at you, fingers resting in the center of the 9. Your cheeks warm a bit, not having thought about that. You just have his designation number carved in your wall. You might as well have his name there. 

"I did that after I heard it in a dream." You say, approaching the bed. "I couldn't get it out of my head." You crawl onto the bed, kneeling next to him. "I put it there because it felt like in a way you were still with me, though I know now you never left." 

He drops his hand, turning to face you. He looks a little guilty. "I'm sorry for putting you through that."

"Don't apologize for something you couldn't control." You say, putting your hand on his scomp arm. "You're here now. That's what matters." 

He glances down at your hand before looking back up at your face, those big brown eyes shining in the orange light of sunset shining in through your window. 

"I made a promise once." He says, staring at you. "To someone very close to me. We promised each other that after the war ended, we'd find our soulmates and settle down somewhere. Get married and have families. Grow old together far away from everything else."

You smile softly at him, gently guiding him to sit on your bed with you. "Well, I'd be more than happy to help you keep your part of the promise."

You sit with him, talking late into the night. There's no rush now. You have all the time in the world. 

***1 Year Later***

"Just a pinch of this." You say, blindly holding out the jar of spice. 

It's taken from your hand and set on the counter, your ears picking up the small clink of metal on tile. Hands grip your waist from behind as you stand on your toes to reach the second shelf of the cupboard. 

"You know I can reach those easily." Echo murmurs in your ear. 

You grin at him over your shoulder. "I know. I also know you love looking at my ass."

He practically purrs, hands sliding lower. "I do love your ass."

You press back into his hands, one flesh, the other cybernetic. He'd ditched the scomp a few months ago now that he's retired to a boring civilian life. 

"We don't have a lot of time before they get here." You say, straightening up to try and slip out from where he has you pinned to the counter.

He presses against you harder, hands moving to trap you between him and the counter. "They can wait for dinner." He breathes into your ear, pressing his half-hard cock against your ass. "I want dessert first."

You bite your lip, letting out a strangled moan as he grinds against you. "At least turn the burner off." You breathe. 

Echo presses a kiss to your neck before he pulls away, reaching back to shut off the stove. You turn in his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck as he turns back to you. 

He pins you against the counter once more, molding his lips against yours as his hands trail back down your sides. You deepen the kiss, pulling him even closer. You can feel him, fully hard against your stomach now. 

His hands grip your waist, easily lifting you onto the counter. One of your hands slides up to tangle in the curls that have regrown over the last few months. He groans quietly against your lips, hands parting your thighs for him. 

He steps between your legs, your skirt riding up around your waist, revealing your panties underneath. His fingers rub the damp fabric, teasing you before he tugs them aside, meeting your flesh. 

You moan into his mouth, pressing your hips into his hand as he circles your clit. You're already worked up just from kissing him, the familiar heat igniting under your skin from his touch. 

"Kriff." You breathe against his lips, grinding against his hand. "Make me feel so good."

He hums contently against your lips. "Good. You deserve to feel good." 

You slip a hand down his front, palming him through his pants. "I'd feel better with you inside me, though.".

He grins, pressing one more steamy kiss against your lips. "Yes, ma'am."

You shriek as he tugs you right to the edge of the counter, holding you steady with one hand while the other pulls his cock from his pants. 

You wrap your arms back around his neck as he presses close between your legs, teasing your slit with the head of his cock. You moan quietly, playing with the ends of his hair as he slowly presses into you. 

He groans, pressing his face into your neck as he slides into your warm passage, your body wet and ready for him. 

It never gets old, the feeling being so connected to him invokes. Your very soul seems to hum with pleasure from being so close, so connected. You wrap your legs around him, holding him as close as you can as he settles inside you. 

He presses a soft kiss to your lips as you sit in the moment for just a second, savoring the feeling before he begins moving. His thrusts are slow yet deliberate. They reach deep into you, the tip of his cock brushing that spot inside you over and over. 

You won't last long, you know it as your legs begin to tremble around him. You moan against his lips, hands fisting his shirt as he picks up the pace just a little. 

You whine as you cum around him, milking his own orgasm from his body. He moans into your neck, holding you tightly as he spills into you. 

You stay still, just breathing and feeling each other for a few moments. Your hands gently massage his neck and his shoulders, easing the ache you know he feels from his cybernetics sometimes. 

He presses gentle kisses to your neck, not enough to leave marks but still enough to pull quiet sounds from your lips.  

He kisses a trail up your jaw to your lips, both of you pausing at the knock on the door. 

"Hunter's gonna know." You murmur against his lips. 

"He probably already does." Echo says, kissing you once more. "Probably heard us halfway down the street."

Your cheeks warm as he pulls away from you, fixing his clothes before helping you look presentable as well. You turn on the stove once more before pulling out the disinfectant spray. 

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[kvetchlandia]

So...

I went today to see "A Complete Unknown," the new James Mangold flick about Bob Dylan's early years in the Village, from his arrival in New York City in Jan, 1961 until he went electric at the Newport Folk Festival in July, 1965.

I've been a Dylan nut since I was a little kid. This, I'm sure, has little to do with any genius or musical/artistic insight on my part. Rather, it's probably just a bit of luck that fell my way in having an older sister with excellent musical taste who first turned me on to Bobby.

Don't worry, I'm not going to give away anything, for those of you who might find yourself reading this and who want to see the film but haven't done so yet. I'll limit my comments to a few, very general points.

I've read some reviews that are critical of the film for compressing some events, combining others and flipping some chronologies, as well as for leaving out some people who were important parts of the Village scene in the early 60s. I think such criticisms are silly. We're watching a piece of dramatic art based in reality, not a documentary on that reality. Four and a half years of life can't be squeezed into a bit more than two hours of screen time without taking such license. We're not going to sit through those years in real time. The screen writers and the director have to make choices and they did so in order to tell the story they wanted to tell.

The only criticism I'll share, and I feel sharing it won't in any way way interfere with anyone's enjoyment of the film, is that I wasn't particularly happy with the way Suze Rotolo was portrayed. For those who aren't Dylan fanatics and who don't have a clue who Suze Rotolo was, she was Bobby's first love and muse after arriving in the Village. In fact, at Bob's request (he was involved with the making of the film), Suze's name wasn't even used, because even though she has passed, she was always a very private individual and all these years later, Dylan still wanted to respect that privacy. In the film, she's known as Sylvie Russo. In any case, Suze was a very strong, politically active young woman, a red-diaper baby (as am I), an activist in the Congress of Racial Equality and an artist in her own right. She's the person who introduced Bob to politics, getting him so involved that he was both a participant in the Freedom Summer integration and voter registration drives in the Jim Crow South in 1963 and a singer at Martin Luther King, Jr's March on Washington for Job's and Freedom, also in 1963. It was though her influence that Dylan wrote many of his most powerful early political songs. Due to their rocky relationship and ultimate breakup, she was also the subject of some of his most beautiful ballads from that period. I just don't think any of that comes through particularly well in the film. The writers and director chose to focus more on his time with Joan Baez. I understand why they made that decision. I just think they could have managed to do so without giving such short shrift to Suze.

As far as the acting goes, Monica Barbaro is fantastic as Joan Baez and she also does a superb job of singing in Joanie's style. Edward Norton is very good as Pete Seeger. Scott McNairy is heartbreaking in his few scenes as Woody Guthrie, already deeply disabled by Huntington's Disease when Dylan first visits him shortly after arriving in New York in 1961. Timothée Chalamet, of course, has to carry the weight as Bob. He's pretty effective. He doesn't have Dylan's charisma nor is he as stunning looking as the Dylan of 1965 was, but he still pulls it off.

All right, I've said enough. Go see it. You'll like it.

[tylermileslockett]

"A New Love" (#1 in my Orpheus and Eurydice series)

On a crisp, spring day, deep in the forests of Olympus, a wood nymph by the name of Eurydice (yu-ri-di-see) catches a precious sound upon the wind. Stretching from her oak tree, she spies a musician upon a rock, playing his lyre to a group of wild animals. Even the very trees and rocks stand at attention to hear his sacred song. She knows this musician. It is Orpheus; known to be the greatest song poet to ever live. And as she listens, she falls entranced, betwitched; in love. Orpheus too, sees this quiet nymph approach, and is taken aback by her beauty. A great love is kindled and the two and are married in a joyous celebration shortly after.

Some say Orpheus was the son of a Thracian king, others, the demi-god son of Apollo, playing music upon his father’s gifted Lyre. His mother was the muse of epic poetry and song; Calliope.

As Euryidice is a “dryad” or tree nymph, I have placed her emerging from the giant oak. These powerful forest spirits originated within trees, and typically took the forms of beautiful young maidens.

Can you all think of other characters in world myths who use their musicianship skills and the power of song in their stories?

As always, please share if this image if you can, and thanks for looking! Xoxo

Like this art? It will be in my illustrated book with over 130 other full page illustrations coming in march to kickstarter. Please check my links in my linktree in my bio to join the kickstarter notification page. 🤟❤️🏛

[sethsclearwater]

Super fluffy request!

With the holidays happening, I've got a request!

Either Thanksgiving or Christmas or something else, but after dinner in the late afternoon/evening, just cuddling up with Seth or Embry (poly or separate) and just quiet talking and cuddling that leads to a nap that someone else sees and thinks it's adorable

so cutie!!

...

"hey pretty thing," embry murmured, knuckling at his eyes sleepily as you came to sit down on the edge of the pull-out couch one of your boyfriends were currently attempting to sleep on, "c'mere," he mumbled, reaching his hands out blindly until he found your hips so he could pull you down to lay next to him.

you giggled as he pulled you close to him, quickly getting you under the blanket he had thrown over his figure, "missed you," he said though his voice was muffled because of the awkward way he had buried his face in the crook of your neck.

you rolled your eyes, already knowing damn well you'd been inseparable from either of your boyfriends for nearly 48 hours now, "missed you too em," you murmured, deciding to go along with his shenanigans while you threaded your fingers through his hair to soothingly scratch at his scalp.

"oh my god-" the voice of your other imprinter came from the doorway of the living room when he spotted you and embry cuddled up on the pull-out couch, "cuddling without me?" seth asked teasingly, laughing when you giggled and held your free hand out to pull him into bed with you and embry.

embry tightened his grip on you as seth laid down on the other side of you, quickly spooning you so the three of you could finally settle down and get comfortable.

the three of you had gone over to emily's for a christmas/holiday celebration and were nearly ready to burst from all the food she had made for the pack and imprintees to try out which is what led to your current situation - a borderline food coma for you, embry, and seth (and pretty much everyone else but they'd managed to sneak off earlier than the three of you so they were already passed out).

"what time do we have to be at your mom's tomorrow?" you asked seth as you rolled back into his chest a bit so you could also thread your fingers through his hair, already knowing he'd be whining about it shortly if you didn't keep it even.

"i think 11," he mumbled, already quickly starting to fall asleep from your stroking and the fatigue from doing so much this morning to help emily get ready for the celebration.

you hummed, "em your mom is still coming right? i haven't seen her in forever," you mused, smiling when embry also hummed in response to your question, offering you a small nod before he went back to drifting off.

a comfortable silence settled over the three of you then, the only sounds on the room coming from both boys' breathing as it slowly evened out and yours following shortly after as you joined them in letting fatigue take over your body.

within a few minutes of you three falling asleep, emily and sam had stepped into the living room to check on everyone and make sure no one was missing, "oh my god," emily let out a breathy laugh when she was the way both seth and embry were cuddled up on you, all three of you now totally passed out on the pull-out couch, "they're the cutest!" she beamed, spinning around to press a quick kiss to sam's lips before she was taking his hand and tugging him upstairs so the two of them could also finally get some much needed sleep.

[uluvjay]

list 3, prompt 1 with jack pls! maybe at the lake house or something

[ SIT ]  for one muse to finger the other who sits in their lap fully clothed,  keeping an arm around their waist to make them stay still. 

Jack Hughes x Fem!reader

Warnings?; SMUT, fingering, semi public, pet names, dirty talk, cursing, kissing, out door

“Jack!” She scolded as she felt him slip a hand into the waistband of her shorts

The couple was relaxing on the hammock that rested between two large trees on the lake house property. It had been a day full of lingering looks and touches so she wasn’t surprised that her boyfriend wasn’t keeping his hands to himself.

“Relax baby nobody can see up” he whispered in her ear placing kisses behind it

“Fine bu-“ she began but a moan cut her off as he began moving his fingers on her clit.

“Gotta be quiet” he giggled in her ear

“Shu-ohh - shut up” she quietly moaned

He just laughed before he slipped a finger inside her warm and welcoming core, moving at a slow pace.

He kept up his pace for a moment before she started thrusting her hips up into his hand trying to create friction.

“For someone that was scared of getting caught you sure are moving a lot” Jack teased and placed his free arm around her waist.

“Then go faster!” She wined still trying to move her hips despite his strong hold.

“Whatever you say princess” he smirked adding another finger and going at a fast pace.

“Shit” she squeaked at his unforgiving pace

He held a smirk on his face as he listened to her small whimpers escape her mouth and watched her body fall apart under the use of two simple fingers.

“That feel good baby?” He asked as she let a loud moan to escape

“Mhm, hi-hit my g spot” she told him not even caring if she just inflated his ego even more then it already was.

He couldn’t hold back the cocky smirk that spread upon his face as he slowed down his fingers earning a cry of annoyance from his girlfriend.

She was getting to the edge right before he slowed his movements, she could feel the the fire igniting in her lower belly and pussy clenching at the feeling of Jacks hard cock pressed against her back.

“Baby I was getting so close” she whined

“Aww I’m sorry honey” he replied in a mocking tone

But his slow pace didn’t last long as she felt his fingers speeding up shortly after her complaint.

And it wasn’t long before she felt that fire bursting in her lower belly, thighs trembling and eyes clenched shut as her orgasm was hitting.

“J! I’m cumming!” She cried louder then she would have liked

“Come for me pretty girl, let me feel you” He encouraged fingers still moving inside her to help her through her orgasm.

When she finally came down from her high Jack pulled his fingers out from between her thighs and popped them into his mouth, groaning at the sweet taste of her cunt.

“Thank you” she giggled out breathlessly

“Don’t have to thank me, I’d do anything to taste that sweet cunt” he teased in her ear

“Jack” she whined as she felt her core throb at his words

He just laughed before turning her head up to his and placing a sloppy kiss on her lips.

They continued to sit there till she could feel her legs again and once she could she didn’t hesitate to get up and pull her boyfriend with her.

“Where are we going?” He questioned

“To your room”

“Why?”

“So I can take care of you” she smirked pulling him along

-