#other times my heart cries out 'why have You forsaken me?'

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Something that I'm still thinking about from my talk with my rabbi is the idea that g-d is who you need Him to be. In fact, I (personally) think it's a vital aspect of the idea of "I am that I am."

In the desert, manna was given, and - as my rabbi explained - tasted different to each person. To me, the idea that this sustenance adapted to each person means something - easily, g-d could have decided to make the manna homogeneous in taste, and wouldn't that have been easier? The manna is part of g-d, I believe, and therefore, how He decided to deliver it says something about His nature and Who He is. Therefore, it makes sense that g-d can adapt to be what you need.

To some, g-d is Somebody to fear. A person's life may make more sense if they feared g-d, revering Him in a way that no person on earth could ever hope to receive. To others (including myself), this doesn't make sense for what we need g-d to be. But these are all equally true aspects of g-d.

We see over and over again that g-d is a King, like a Father, jealous, loving, compassionate, vengeful, patient, forgiving, emotion-filled, and so many things. But I don't necessarily think He is all of these things in equal measure for each individual person. Each person comes to g-d with their own baggage, and I think g-d recognizes that. This is why I personally hate when other people discredit somebody else's relationship with g-d. I don't think the person that fears g-d within their very soul is any more or less correct than I am because g-d exists even beyond all of our conceptions of Him. He is Beyond that, but also is everything we perceive Him to be. G-d is right in front of us. G-d is within us. G-d is hidden in plain sight. G-d is what happens when we're making other plans.

For myself, I have stated before, but I relate most to g-d when He is like a friend. My relationship with g-d is something I continuously renew, even when I feel disconnected to Him. I choose g-d, and I think He also chooses us.

[orthodoxydaily]

SAINTS&READING: FRIDAY , SEPTEMBER 27, 2024

september 14_september 27

THE UNIVERSAL EXALTATION OF THE PRECIOUS AND LIFE-GIVING CROSS

Today, we celebrate the Exaltation of the Precious Cross of Our Lord Jesus Christ. But what does it mean to exalt the Cross? And how do we exalt it? I am not referring to the historical occurrence of the re-finding of the Cross and its exaltation by the Patriarch of Jerusalem. I am not referring to the beautiful rite of bringing out o

f the Cross from the altar, which is elevated by the priest and presented to all of us to prostrate ourselves before it in worship. We experienced this last night. We are Orthodox Christians and do not need anyone to tell us about these external rites of the Church, which are clothed in grace and impart grace to our souls. I am referring to the spiritual exaltation of the Cross in our hearts and entire lives.

In order to understand what it means to exalt the Cross in this way, it is necessary to understand what the Cross itself is. Christ says to us all: “If you will come after Me and be My disciple, deny yourself, take up your cross daily, and follow Me.”

Christ bore His Cross daily throughout His entire life on earth, not just at the time of His Crucifixion. Christ, the Son of God and God from heaven, humbled Himself and became a man, subject to pains, weariness, sorrows, unjust sufferings, torture, and a shameful death.

Why did He do this? God created us for life, joy, peace, light, love, goodness, bliss, spiritual pleasure, and eternal rest in Him. But we have introduced sin, suffering, and death. As soon as man was created, he set up the Cross and crucified God upon it; he obliterated God from his own presence within him through sin.

Every sin is a crucifixion of Christ. Sin is turning away from God and falling away from living in Him and as Him. We crucify Christ when we hate someone. We crucify Christ when we judge or slander someone. We crucify Christ when we lust after someone. We crucify Christ when elevate ourselves in arrogance against someone. We crucify Christ when we blaspheme, or swear, or grumble, or complain against others and God.

How many times a day do we crucify Christ! Our sins are more torturous to Him than nails. Our lusts and passions are more agonizing to Him than physical thirst and torture. The physical crucifixion of Christ is familiar to us from the Gospel. But do we perceive the spiritual crucifixion of Christ?

Do we understand how much He suffered and still suffers from us? When He was insulted and blasphemed by the people, what was His reaction? Surely He was pained beyond belief in His human heart. But He was not pained on His own account. He did not recoil in self-pity and depression. Rather, He was pained and tormented by the fact that His tormentors were mad, God-hating, self-destructive beasts. His pain was for them, not Himself.

And this is still how it is. Christ is tormented by our sins, our hatred, our judgment, our slander, our filthy desires, our pride, our darkness, our enslavement to demonic influence. He suffers for us! Christ spoke through one of His prophets: “You have forsaken Me, or rather, you have forsaken your own selves!” Through another prophet He cries out: “You have forsaken your own mercy!” By forsaking Him, we forsake our selves and that which is beneficial and salvific for us. By crucifying Him, we kill our own souls.

But thanks be to God for Our Lord Jesus Christ! It is against Him alone that we sin. It is He alone Whom we have crucified and pained by our sins. But it is He alone Who still loves us and desires our salvation far greater than we can ever do so for ourselves or even imagine.

What is the proof of this? Christ on the Cross. Do not think that your Judge is anyone except for This One, the One Who is also your Savior and Healer. Do not think that the Father looks any different than This One. Do not mistake your own harsh and critical and self-analyzing thoughts, nor those malicious despair-inducing thoughts of the demons—do not mistake these for the voice of God.

There is only one voice of God the Father. And no one knows the Father except through Christ. He who sees Christ sees the Father. And Christ on the Cross manifests the greatest image of the Loving Father. What words do we hear from Christ Crucified? What judgment or condemnation or harsh criticism or terrifying curse do we hear from Him, while He is crucified, suffering, tormented by thirst, sorrowing unto death, in agony, blasphemed, mocked, insulted, slandered, betrayed by an intimate, abandoned by His friends?

What thunderous word does He utter? None but this: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!” Nothing but forgiveness, long-suffering patience, love, and mercy.

This is our boldness. This is our encouragement. This is our salvation. This is the beginning of our repentance. This is the only place we can start. This is the only place we can receive remission of sins—from Christ on His Cross, Whose love for us cannot be conquered, not by our sins, not by this world, not by the devil, not by death, not by anything at all!

Therefore, we must follow Him if we desire to live in Him. We must seek repentance—Now! At this very moment! We must cast off our delusion, our division, our worldliness, our party-spirit, our unjust opinions. We must “judge not lest we be judged; condemn not lest we be condemned; forgive that we may be forgiven; do unto others as we desire them to do unto us; love our enemies, bless those who curse us, pray for those who abuse us, and do good to those who hate us.”

This is the path of Christ. This is the path of crucifixion, of salvific self-denial. This is the path God walked when He dwelt on this earth. Shall we remain proud and think we can walk a different and better path than Him?

Sorrows and pains and misunderstandings and disappointments and death will never be far from us as long as we live on this earth. Therefore, we must learn to follow Christ so that we might become invincible to this world’s influence.

We will never learn to exalt the Cross in spirit while we are judging and hating. We will never live truly in Christ when we are obsessed with politics, when we divide ourselves, when we think ourselves better than others, when we identify Orthodoxy with a political party, when we arrogantly despise those who are astray. For the Lord says: “My Kingdom is not of this world; if it were, then would My servants fight.” We see atrocities all around us: wars, persecutions, abortions, divisions, riots, murders, unspeakable blasphemies, perversions of nature, deformities of children, confusion of gender, racism, wokeism.

What is our reaction? Do we detest these things? Good! But do we detest those led astray by the devil? Then we are no better than they are. In fact, because we have the truth and the law of Christ, which is love for enemies, we are far worse! Remember the skull of the pagan priest which St. Macarius the Great came upon in the desert. He noetically spoke with the soul of this priest who was being tormented in Hades. But what did the priest explain? That greater torments are experienced by those who called themselves Christians but lived like pagans.

Those who have seen the light of the sun and the beautiful world which is illumined by it, sense all the more the darkness when they maim their own eyes, much more than those who were born blind. Those who have experienced the spiritual pleasure of God’s grace permeating all the members of their souls and bodies, sense much greater torment of being separated from God when they willfully tear themselves away from Him, much more than those who have never known God. Those who have ascended into a high mountain, and then fall therefrom into the depths of the earth, feel much greater pain than those who have always dwelt upon earth and stumble and skin their knees on a stone.

In St. Macarius’ day, in the early age of Christianity, the pagan priests and the pagans with them were involved in exactly the same things as the pagans of our own day. Ancient and modern paganism are no different. The ancient pagans gave themselves up to the worship of their own passions, making idols out of them. They engaged in complete debauchery. They perverted nature and misused those of the same sex. They engaged in mystery cults which encouraged the throwing off of gender and the misuse of themselves and others. They corrupted children. They practiced sorcery and engaged in all manner of drunkenness and drug-use.

Is it any different today? No. What should we do? What St. Macarius the Great did. He prayed for the tormented soul of that pagan priest, and the priest received some consolation. He prayed for the whole world and loved all. It is said that he became another God on this earth, overlooking with compassion the sins of the whole world. He became perfect in Christ. He forgave like Christ. He prayed with deep sorrow like Christ. He loved like Christ.

He exalted the Cross in his heart and entire life. Maybe we cannot come to this stature in this life. Maybe we cannot even imagine how this is possible. Maybe we are in despair and think we have not even begun to live in Christ. But the Church comforts us and teaches all Her children to pray in this manner: “O Lord, I have never done anything good in Thy sight, but grant me to make a good beginning!” St. Arsenius the Great—an angel in the flesh—prayed this way until his dying day, as did all the Saints. Let us at least imitate this prayer and attitude of theirs, seeking to make a good beginning.

We are not in the grave yet. Our life has not ended. Christ has not come yet to judge the whole world. So let us take heart in His mercy and long-suffering. Let us see the great patience of God. Let us make a good beginning today, as we worship Christ on His Cross.

The secret to salvation is constancy in prayer, constancy in calling out to the Lord as little children do for their parents. We must become little children, says the Lord, in order to enter the Kingdom of heaven. A little child is completely dependent on his parents. A little child is in sorrow, and cries to them. It gets hurt or scared and cries out to them. It is happy and smiles at them. It falls down, and desires them to pick him up.

Let us do the same. When we fall into sin, let us cry out to Christ and await His help. When we are in pain, or sorrow, or fear, or agony, let us cling to our Lord Who was crucified and endured all manner of evil against Himself. He understands our weakness. He has experienced our weakness. He has endured our agony. But He has conquered it. He has conquered death. He has raised the dead. He has brought man up to where He Himself never left, to the right hand of God the Father. He has made us lowly humans equal to the Father, as the Church boldly teaches us!

It is the will of this Father, and His Son Jesus Christ, and the All-Holy Spirit to save us, to transform us, to heal us, and to deify us forever. Let us continually pray that the will of God be done in us for all ages.

Source: Holy Cross Monastery

1 Corinthians 1:18-24

1For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written: 20 Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? 21 For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. 22 For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; 23 but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, 24 but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.

John 19:6-11, 13-20, 25-28, 30-35

6 Therefore, when the chief priests and officers saw Him, they cried out, saying, "Crucify Him, crucify Him!" Pilate said to them, "You take Him and crucify Him, for I find no fault in Him." 7 The Jews answered him, "We have a law, and according to our law He ought to die, because He made Himself the Son of God." 8 Therefore, when Pilate heard that saying, he was the more afraid, 9 and went again into the Praetorium, and said to Jesus, "Where are You from?" But Jesus gave him no answer. 10 Then Pilate said to Him, "Are You not speaking to me? Do You not know that I have power to crucify You, and power to release You?" 11 Jesus answered, "You could have no power at all against Me unless it had been given you from above. Therefore the one who delivered Me to you has the greater sin." 13 When Pilate therefore heard that saying, he brought Jesus out and sat down in the judgment seat in a place that is called The Pavement, but in Hebrew, Gabbatha. 14 Now it was the Preparation Day of the Passover, and about the sixth hour. And he said to the Jews, "Behold your King!" 15 But they cried out, "Away with Him, away with Him! Crucify Him!" Pilate said to them, "Shall I crucify your King?" The chief priests answered, "We have no king but Caesar!" 16 Then he delivered Him to them to be crucified. So they took Jesus and led Him away. 17 And He, bearing His cross, went out to a place called the Place of a Skull, which is called in Hebrew, Golgotha, 18 where they crucified Him, and two others with Him, one on either side, and Jesus in the center. 19 Now Pilate wrote a title and put it on the cross. And the writing was: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS. 20 Then many of the Jews read this title, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city; and it was written in Hebrew, Greek, and Latin. 25 Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, "Woman, behold your son!" 27 Then He said to the disciple, "Behold your mother!" And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home. 28 After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, "I thirst!"

30 So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, "It is finished!" And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit. 31 Therefore, because it was the Preparation Day, that the bodies should not remain on the cross on the Sabbath (for that Sabbath was a high day), the Jews asked Pilate that their legs might be broken, and that they might be taken away. 32 Then the soldiers came and broke the legs of the first and of the other who was crucified with Him. 33 But when they came to Jesus and saw that He was already dead, they did not break His legs. 34 But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out. 35 And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe.

[purrassicjet]

Future DnD character idea:

Azrea Lowfeather has never been quite the daughter her parents wanted, not even in the slightest, really.

First she was an unplanned pregnancy, a surprise to the young couple who barely had time to get married before their first daughter was born. She should've been a son, really. At least then she would provide her father an heir.

Then came her siblings, nearly 7 years after her. All six of them, so much closer in age with each other than with her. She was expected to look after them, to assist in raising the son her parents had wished for when they had their first child. Azrea had no interest in raising her siblings, so she escaped to the garden. How selfish she is, to refuse to care for the boy that would one day lead the small town she lived in.

Oh that garden, the stem of the biggest disappointment of all. She had always been cautioned not to stray to far away from the house, a sturdy fence blocking off the area she was not allowed to set foot on. It was unsafe for a Tiefling to step onto Holy ground, and she couldn't have her younger siblings learning it was okay to hop the fence.

But, like all forgotten children, a certain rebeliousness is sown from a young age, a desire to step away from the parents.

Azrea is quite the quick witted 12 year old. She puzzles through unimaginable challenges, but her younger brother just learned how to write, and her sister to walk, so why should she be looked at?

When nobody looks, things are passed over, left in blissful ignorance. When Azrea takes her first step over the fence, the pain is blinding, but she takes the step anyway. What does she have to lose? Maybe if she could just find what was making the ground so Holy, to stop it, maybe then she would gain the recognition she deserved.

So, she fashions shoes. Shoes made of only the thickest leaves, shoes so thick, that it doesn't hurt to walk anymore, really. As long as she doesn't think about it, she can hop the fence as she pleases. Who knows if her shoes work, or if an unseen force is letting the Tiefling child explore her deepest curiosities.

Azrea knows the best ways to resist Holy things by the age of 16, but her parents have a 9 year old son to nurture into a true leader, and five other children to raise with care. When they are asked of the names of their children, Azrea is listed last, an afterthought. Nearly forgotten.

By 17 she reaches the heart of the Holy place, and the temple in the middle. She doesn't fear the magic, but doubt rustles in her mind. How does she dispel the force? She worked so hard to get through the Holy force, how does she destroy it?

A voice speaks,

"Oh dear child, why have they forsaken you?"

And Azrea listens, all hope of destroying the shrine forgotten. She does not answer, because she does not know.

Azrea visits the shrine often until she's 20. This time is different. She collapses to her knees, ignoring the blinding pain it causes. Her brother is 13, and already a great leader. Her parents praise him as the oldest, and don't bat an eyelid when she walks into the house.

"I am forgotten."

She cries out. For the first time, she speaks instead of listens.

Her hand burns as she cries, a necklace with a coin on the end, a sythe engraved into the metal, appearing in her hand.

"You are not forgotten. You are mine. My gifts may burn your hands, but they will heal. You sought me out though my presence harmed you. You are mine, Paladin."

Azrea has never stolen from her parents, no matter how they tossed her aside, but now she does. A sythe long since dulled by disuse, sharpened by a glimmering coin, robes barely thick enough to keep out the cold, protecting from the burning coin, and a childhood lost to another, to one better.

Azrea steals their child away. Their real oldest, the one discarded, forgotten. She steals the child off and into the night, a contradiction.

A Tiefling Paladin, too disappointing to even express.

[lets-get-kraken-boys]

BUCCHIGIRI?! Rant

This show could have been so great. It could have been my everything. It was so cute when I first discovered it. The character designs are PHENOMENAL, the setting in fantastic, the colors are so vibrant and gorgeous—it is a visual masterpiece. Every character is so interesting, the story is actually engaging and cute. IT IS ALSO SO GAY OMG I LOVE IT! The men are all over each other and Ara-chan every episode, I’m not even making this shit up. It could have been so amazing.

But they ruined it.

They failed me and my love because of one character.

Mahoro Jin.

This girl…when you first see her is so adorable, so sweet. It’s unassuming. She’s got the whole heart aesthetic going on, lots of pink—instantly I was thinking about all the cute figures that were going to come out for her and how she was going to become a fav character of mine! She’s a nice soft character who you’re like “Oh! She’s a very cute love interest for this anime. I can’t wait to see where their love goes!” And all is well. For the first half of episode one. Then…all hell breaks loose when we meet Marito, her brother.

Don’t get me wrong, I ADORE Marito!!! Marito is a stunning character and I love him to death, I am obsessed. He’s so handsome and I love his vibes. However…I am not the only one who is obsessed with him.

THIS 👏🏻 CHICK 👏🏻 ROMANTICALLY 👏🏻 LOVES 👏🏻 HER 👏🏻 BROTHER 👏🏻

🥲

I haven’t been this disappointed in such a long time. Why? Why does anime do this to us? Why does it hurt me in such a violent and awful way? Why does it take so much from me? Literally cried after it was revelaved that she wants on her brother to LOVE and fight for her. Nearly threw up.

She was a great character and then we saw the truth, and it’s all inc*st with her now. GROSS. Every sentence that comes out of her goddamn mouth is about this man that I love(d, depending if I can stomach more of this God forsaken relationship) and it’s weirding me tf out. She appears in every other scene and quite literally ONLY talks about him. It’s so fucking disappointing. I think she’s only had one or two sentences that had nothing to do with her brother after we were introduced to him, and that’s fucking sad.

If I were to revamp this series, I would immediately change her character. Don’t get me wrong, I would keep her as a character because she has a great design, but make her want/talk about something ANYTHING else. If she had any other interests to share and, ya know, wasn’t looking to bang her sibling, it would have been fine! It’s vile that the author literally only uses her to remind everyone that she’s obsessed with her brother and wants to ROMANTICALLY be involved with him.

The ONLY redeeming thing is that Marito doesn’t return her feelings AT ALL. But it’s not helping my cringing at all. It makes the experience so fucking awful. Every time I try to enjoy it again, she’s rears her ugly head around and starts yapping.

I wanted to like this show so fucking bad…but her behavior ruins it so much that I can’t watch it.

It breaks my heart to see such promising new animes rely so heavily on these overused DISGUSTING themes when there is LITERALLY NO GODDAMN NEED FOR THEM!!! They weird everyone out, and you shit on a perfectly wonderful story by adding it. I wish they’d stop to let this go.

Sorry that was a long rant, but I had to let the people know my thoughts and violent feelings on this. I want to smack this author so bad, my hand is ITCHING for the opportunity one day.

Rest in piss, Bucchigiri.

[obsessed-tyrant]

BUCCHIGIRI?! Rant

This show could have been so great. It could have been my everything. It was so cute when I first discovered it. The character designs are PHENOMENAL, the setting in fantastic, the colors are so vibrant and gorgeous—it is a visual masterpiece. Every character is so interesting, the story is actually engaging and cute. IT IS ALSO SO GAY OMG I LOVE IT! The men are all over each other and Ara-chan every episode, I’m not even making this shit up. It could have been so amazing.

But they ruined it.

They failed me and my love because of one character.

Mahoro Jin.

This girl…when you first see her is so adorable, so sweet. It’s unassuming. She’s got the whole heart aesthetic going on, lots of pink—instantly I was thinking about all the cute figures that were going to come out for her and how she was going to become a fav character of mine! She’s a nice soft character who you’re like “Oh! She’s a very cute love interest for this anime. I can’t wait to see where their love goes!” And all is well. For the first half of episode one. Then…all hell breaks loose when we meet Marito, her brother.

Don’t get me wrong, I ADORE Marito!!! Marito is a stunning character and I love him to death, I am obsessed. He’s so handsome and I love his vibes. However…I am not the only one who is obsessed with him.

THIS 👏🏻 CHICK 👏🏻 ROMANTICALLY 👏🏻 LOVES 👏🏻 HER 👏🏻 BROTHER 👏🏻

🥲

I haven’t been this disappointed in such a long time. Why? Why does anime do this to us? Why does it hurt me in such a violent and awful way? Why does it take so much from me? Literally cried after it was revelaved that she wants on her brother to LOVE and fight for her. Nearly threw up.

She was a great character and then we saw the truth, and it’s all inc*st with her now. GROSS. Every sentence that comes out of her goddamn mouth is about this man that I love(d, depending if I can stomach more of this God forsaken relationship) and it’s weirding me tf out. She appears in every other scene and quite literally ONLY talks about him. It’s so fucking disappointing. I think she’s only had one or two sentences that had nothing to do with her brother after we were introduced to him, and that’s fucking sad.

If I were to revamp this series, I would immediately change her character. Don’t get me wrong, I would keep her as a character because she has a great design, but make her want/talk about something ANYTHING else. If she had any other interests to share and, ya know, wasn’t looking to bang her sibling, it would have been fine! It’s vile that the author literally only uses her to remind everyone that she’s obsessed with her brother and wants to ROMANTICALLY be involved with him.

The ONLY redeeming thing is that Marito doesn’t return her feelings AT ALL. But it’s not helping my cringing at all. It makes the experience so fucking awful. Every time I try to enjoy it again, she’s rears her ugly head around and starts yapping.

I wanted to like this show so fucking bad…but her behavior ruins it so much that I can’t watch it.

It breaks my heart to see such promising new animes rely so heavily on these overused DISGUSTING themes when there is LITERALLY NO GODDAMN NEED FOR THEM!!! They weird everyone out, and you shit on a perfectly wonderful story by adding it. I wish they’d stop to let this go.

Sorry that was a long rant, but I had to let the people know my thoughts and violent feelings on this. I want to smack this author so bad, my hand is ITCHING for the opportunity one day.

Rest in piss, Bucchigiri.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

today I impulse bought a copy of Walking on Water by Madeleine L'Engle, so I'll be reading that after I go to bed shortly, and maybe update in the morning as to what I read and what I thought. Pre-emptive check-mark on the 'reading something God honouring'.

as for what I've written, I've instated a thing where Patience and her family read and discuss a Psalm immediately after dinner. like me, Patience reads from two translations - Wycliffe and the one I used to read, the RSV (I now read from the ESV bc RSV is out of print). they're discussing Psalm 22 today:

Some words and phrases from Wycliffe stuck out to her as particularly, peculiarly beautiful: God, my God, behold thou on me—they cried to thee, and they were made safe—into thee I am cast forth from the womb—tribulation is next. She felt as if she were feeling it with David, and tears came to her eyes as she read the words. When I cried to him, he heard me. How often had that been true for her! When she had felt particularly terrible, she had prayed, and somehow, every time, something changed, and some bad was unmade. Patience wiped away tears as they finished the Psalm (heavens shall tell his rightfulness to the people that shall be born, whom the Lord made), and tried to join in the discussion afterwards with a full heart. Even the words My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? had previously struck a chord in her, but somehow reading it now, as God, my God, behold thou on me, why has thou forsaken me? it seemed different, and imbued with moving significance.

Hopefully each day I'll either have something to do with the Psalms or some other discussion they have about the Bible. It'll add something important that may have been lacking to the story, anyway.

[innocentsardonicpotatoes]

××Trigger Warning: Implications of S3lf harm and Su*cid3××

It was only supposed to be a hug! I only asked for a hug, but my stupid self wanted something more out of this situation I recreated from a novel where the female lead goes to the male lead's room in her night gown looking all edible... and I ended up in his bed... somehow, it went way too well...

As I grasped the blanket weakly, weaving it around me, heat creeping on my face, I looked away.

I was still in my slip dress, but under his keen gaze, I felt exposed and naked. I forgot that underneath this fluffy blanket, I was an ugly and unappealing mole wearing a cute nightdress.

What made me think it was okay to invite myself to his room, barely dressed and leaving little for the imagination? I swore to myself not to repeat this again - no promises though.

Maybe once I get the treatments and remove my scars, I will have the confidence to be all bold.

Oh, forget the boldness, I'm barely sitting here smooshed against Carter like he's my crutch. Just by a hug, I am losing my confidence.

He didn't meet any resistance when he pulled off my shield-like covers, angled my face so that I was looking at him in the eyes, his hands fumbled with the hem of my dress, "Effie, can I?". His eyes were glazed with an emotion I couldn't put in words, but I felt my heart beat a hundred times faster, and goosebumps rose over my freckled skin.

Uh, can't think. Need CPR.

Brain, heart and this God forsaken body aint cooperating.

I awkwardly nodded, half unsure, "But...Carter...its not perfect like the others." tears lacing my eyes with insecurity, "Those marks" I began, "I mean...I did those, but the scars- I hate my body and I dont want you to see it in the brightness" I lamented my self destructive tendencies, cursing the me who inflicted damage upon herself as an outlet to vent off indescribable negativity.

I wanted this, but now I am holding back? On top of that I feel like pathetically bawling my eyes off their sockets until I can't see anything. Stupid stupid Effie!

If only I didn't attempt to give up on being alive or destroy myself when I felt low, maybe I wouldn't feel this shame. I am healing, but the self-pity and dislike for myself fades slowly.

Without any questions, he switched the lights off, the city lights illuminated us casting long shadows on the walls-

"Is this okay? "

"A little bit better, though you'd still see my ugly-"

"I will show you how to love yourself," he hushed me, as he peppered kisses on my body like a dedicated gardener planting seeds in the garden, hoping someday I'd love myself again "I will make you show yourself to me as long as you like, however you like" he touched and kissed and traced everything like a map for him to explore, "but you will always show it to me and only me." He nipped, and I let out a gasp foreign to me, "Will you be comfortable with that, my Effie?"

"Carter," I cried helpless at all the foreign sensations. He was just kissing me where he shouldn't, and I was already undone.

"Is that a yes?" He paused, giving me time to think. My mind was hazy, and I felt drunk from his kisses. Feeling feverish and breathing heavily; I was too aware of the pulsations on my fingertips, my thighs, my lower belly, even my swollen lips, that were thoroughly ravaged by this predator like Carter, had a pulse.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Ignore the goosebumps.

The haze cleared by few notches. Then, I pondered a bit while he traced lazy patterns on my back.

Holy shit, I still can't think.

He looked at me with a smirk, well aware about my thought process - yeah, why was I hesitating, I made the move, and I should let it continue.

" Yes -" I began to say, but that was all it took for him to dive back into this sweet torment.

I was melting against him, clinging on to him, clenching and unclenching at every stroke, I was weightless, then I was falling off a cliff, experiencing a ripetide of sweet euphoria overwhelming me and I clawed him. Falling into his rhythm, I began to keep up and began to synchronise until he began to find himself unravelling.

In a singular breath, my winters turn to spring, and the orchid flowers bloom, filling me with an essence of him.

[imnotbitteranymore-imsyrupysweet]

What Pride feels like to me.

lonely, dark, and heavy. hopeless humanity is all i can see through tear-filled vision, with no hope of ever living for me fully.

claustrophobic, agoraphobic and getting worse with every joke or post i see that’s homo/transphobic.

i’m scared to go to pride for mass shootings or bombings, so i think i’ll push myself past it but as i tell my parent i love them to get ready to go i’m suddenly overcome with the fear of everything. i swallow down my tears for moments more - turning back from the door, give excuses as to why that don’t force forth the cry. so i don’t sound dramatic when i say i was just afraid id die.

but i see it in their eyes too, i feel it in the tension of the room and the forced positivity for the rainbow under such clouds of gloom. they were just as scared, they just want me to be safe. Like any parent should want, right? their baby not to be scared to walk, day or night, that they don’t have to hide and could go outside the house as themselves without landing them in a life-or-death fight.

but the world is a scary place. but what they don’t get, see, or feel for me is, one less chance turns into yet another year of fear. another year of me, alone, crying in the very bedroom of my childhood home that i learned it all in. every single piece of me that i turned over in my tiny hands. the very ones i clasped every night praying it away, along with any people showing kindness of saying that who i was was okay.

the very bed sheets i muffled those cries into. the ones i bunched up to feel like i knew what it felt like holding someone in the night, too.

i wish sometimes to wring them thin, i have but not like this - i want to drain them of every tear. i want each and every one of them back. every drop of heartache, silent shatters for others hearts sake, every ounce of blood sweet and tears that it has come to collect.

i’m not sure why, or what i’d do with it.

perhaps, i could bottle it, and then see - see all those years of pain in silence, wasted, behind me.

maybe that’s it, maybe then i could move on from what haunts me. if i could just see it, make all of that hurt something physical to show me, validate me in all of it so i could let go of any of this.

i keep thinking i have and then im right back.. here. i still dress certain ways and am afraid of my natural ways. don’t be too loud, don’t draw attention, deepen you voice, talk proper non of that girly shit, walk straight, talk straight.

to be hyperaware of every aspect of myself even for the only thing i really leave the house for, walking my dog, is tearing away any bit of mental health i build. i thought- god, i don't know what i thought.

i guess i thought i’d never be back here. that by now, i would be in a place, at least of mind, where i was free to be me. but still i look in the mirror and so rarely just see me. rather, accompanying, always it seems, is every glare, every passing remark, every lonely day at school choosing that over getting made fun of or letting someone close enough, every time i averted my eyes, instead, looking to the ground when passing anyone in this god forsaken town. --------------

(sort of separate/i wrote this portion below, first, then once i started crying at the end of this i went back up and wrote all that.. so.. yeah. i feel a bit better now though) 

every time this month comes along all i can see are the thumbs downs out weighing the likes of articles for us

 i feel like a whale strung through with a harpoon they cruelly tie weights to once i’ve enough blows to fashion rope around.

i try, i really try, every year, if i’m honest, almost every second of the day to embrace myself and let go of all their hate. i try to focus on the love and the ones out there that accept us... but at the end, i always end up feeling that crushing feeling of hates weight, pulling down on me.

i want to be proud of who i am and exactly as i was made. how i am when i let go of the hateful, close-minded people out there and focus on only the peace i come to make in here. but i end up hunched over even alone, it comes infectious, seeping into my home. and again, i find myself hating who i am because even if i love me and they hate me, and i’m fine with that, but what gets me every time is the hate that others receive greater than mine, because i hide away. i’m a quiet gay, you could say.

i can go around and be just fine for the most part, but on those off days that i come to feel so comfortable in myself exactly as i’m made and i want to dare to wear something fashionable in a more fun way, i instantly wonder if i will be okay. if i’ll make it home or if someone will hit me, kill me, abduct me and release all their hate unto me rather than just through the violently, hateful words.

i don’t get it, i never will. i’ve been on both sides, explored so many faiths and philosophies to see everything from every angle, but i still will never understand why some people choose to hate, to hate another human that is merely loving, loving another human or themselves.

to love this self that you say is created in gods image, and whom this god loves so dearly that he killed his only son for. just like you, he loves us in our sin. if you must call our love this.

but, let me just say this. as much as it hurts, i gladly will die and i cry in my sin of true love. i just hope you one day can see that you will die in your sin of hate if you don’t reflect and change your ways.

my heart, overcome with love for all humans exactly as they are in their good and bad, makes me weep, it always has. and i don’t pray, least not in that way, but i do pray that i keep hold of this, this heart, as soft as a baby birds despite all the hate it gets. and i pray that yours too may soften, and actually hear the truth that sings throughout all of time and space; that, above all we should love, and as challenging as it may be, everyone from you to me, that is the whole human race should love no matter what they face. it’s terribly hard but i am grateful for all that i’ve gone through thus far for it has made my heart grow, my mind too, in order to love all humans the way in which i do. i only pray, or wish whatever suits you, that you receive this grace too.

(It seems, pride is still fear. And that i don't know any other way to be)

[dailyaudiobible]

7/28/2023 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 21:1-23:21, Romans 11:13-36, Psalm 22:1-18, Proverbs 20:7

Today is the 28th day of July, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and it is a joy to be around the Global Campfire another day, as we take another step forward on our journey through the Scriptures. Right now, we’re navigating…navigating our way through Second Chronicles in the Old Testament and Paul's letter to the Romans in the new. And we’ll obviously continue the journey until we reach new territory. But for now, that's where we are. And so, let's dive in, today Second Chronicles chapters 21, 22 and 23.

Commentary:

Okay, listen to these words that we read from our reading in the Psalms today, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me, why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish. My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. Those aren't particularly comforting words, but I find comfort in them because I've had experiences in my life that felt like that and we’re reading it out of the Bible and it's comforting to know, I’m or we're not the only one who has felt that way. This Psalm was written by David a King, the king of Israel, even kings have this experience. Words from this Psalm were spoken by Jesus hanging from across. So, if those words resonate in any sort of way, and You’ve had a similar experience, you're not alone. What that feels like was captured and memorialized in the Bible. So, from the Bible, we’ve, we learn a lot about David and his life. And so, we know he was a musician, very skilled, he was a poet. So, he often turned to music that, as a way to get it out, to express, to release, what's going on inside. But Psalm 22 is not particularly happy song, it simply captures the raw expression from David of what was happening inside of his, inside of himself in his mind, in his heart. A lot of the time we try to sidestep those things for lots of reasons, we don't want to be honest and tell the truth about what's happening inside of us, because we don't want to seem sacrilegious, or we stuff things down inside and try to cover them over with other things. We’ll turn to comfort food to bring comfort or binge-watching television, just anything that we think will bring comfort and distraction from what's really happening inside. And let’s just remember, David’s the king, he has no shortage of things to distract him, and he has the best distractions that are available. David turned to music to articulate and name his feelings, what was going on and that's powerful because when we can name it, when we can say what it is, we can see it because it's in the light. It's not this nebulous, just anxiety that’s just in there and when our habit is just distraction, then what's going on inside just continues to build up and accumulate until…until that there's so much going on that we can even unravel it anymore. It's just unnamed anxiety that lives in our guts, twisting us into a ball which just leads us into more confusion, rather than bringing clarity. So, maybe we try what's being modeled by David. Maybe we write it down right down, write down what's heavy inside of us right now. Maybe if we play music, we…we do it to music. Name what's going on for what it is and be as honest as what we read in the Bible from the Psalms. We don't have to be afraid of honesty. David wasn't, God isn't, it's in the Bible. David says, you brought me out of the womb, you made me trust you, even at my mother's breast, from birth I was cast on You, from my mother's womb You have been my God. Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help. That's pretty raw, that's pretty honest and that is most certainly a quotation from the Bible. So, if this is a difficult season and feels like it's gonna get worse before it gets better, be honest about that. Write it down, name it, name what's happening, say what it feels like, see it for what it is, in the presence of God, bring it before God. What we’re reading, that is so raw from the Psalms today, is spoken to God. Honesty is honesty, and honesty is more true than distraction. Distractions don't fix things. They kick the can down the road, so that more things can accumulate and the problems worse. So, if we’re feeling overwhelmed, and trust me I know what that feels like. If we’re feeling helpless, I know what that feels like. If we’re feeling hopeless, whatever it is that we are walking through, face it, name it, bring it to God, turn it into worship. That's what we’re watching the psalmist David do. Worship is certainly a joyous and happy thing, but it is also for the lowest of the low times when we can't even make a sentence make sense. God will understand that sentence, and we will find God in our honesty, and we may find profound relief in getting it out and giving it to the only one who can help.

Prayer:

And so, Father, we thank You, we thank You that You have invited us into a life that is true. We've watched this in the Gospels. We've seen it modeled in the life of Jesus, we are invited to be who we were created to be, and at times things get twisted inside of us and we do all kinds of things to not deal with them. And what we’re seeing in the Psalms today is that we can be honest with what's going on and that, in and of itself, is a comfort that we can be honest about where we are knowing that this is not the end of the story. This is just where we are at the moment and we name it and we confess it and we bring it to you and we ask for your help, knowing that you will help, that you will not leave us or forsake us. And so, come Holy Spirit into the struggles of our lives. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, that's the website, that's where you can find out what's going on around here. And you can put that in the palm of your hand and a lot more by downloading the Daily Audio Bible app, it’s free and you can download it from…from the App Store that works with your device. So, check that out. Check out the different sections like the Community Section. This is where the Prayer Wall lives. This is where the different links to get connected on social media are, so check that out.

And if you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if bringing the spoken word of God read fresh every day and offered freely to anybody, anywhere, anytime, is meaningful and life-giving and if building community around this rhythm of showing up every day is meaningful, then thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage dailyaudiobible.com. If you're using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Springhill, Tennessee 37174.

And of course, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today, I'm Brian, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Hi, beautiful family. This is Prisoner of Hope. I am just driving into work and on my commute. I decided to call in for a couple of people. CeCe from North Carolina, you called in to give praise for your husband coming to the Lord after six years. And that is a long time, you said it was a long time, it is long. It is, I’m glad it wasn’t any longer. And I thank You Lord, that You’ve saved her husband, that You’ve called him into an eternal relationship with You, that he would be blessed by You. And I pray for those in our community who don’t have saved spouses, such as myself. And we’ve been praying for many, many years ourselves. And I pray that You would call them as well. Draw them in, enable them to come to know You Lord. Please don’t make us wait any longer, Lord. But would You please call our spouses into a eternal relationship with You. That they would decide to follow Jesus, all the days of their life. Carpam Diem Driver, I am just so blessed by you. You’re always calling in and saying you want to have the Lord help you so that you can bless others and glorify Him. You are already doing that, you are already glorifying God and you are already blessing this community. So, while you can ask that God continues to do that, I mean, He’s already doing it. And I hope you recognize that. I hope you that you realize there’s nothing that you need from Him to glorify Him in the way that you do. But with that said, I still lift you up, Carpam Diem Driver. I’m asking if, Lord Jesus, that You would please deliver him from the obstacles in his life, for things that just keep being thrown at him, Lord. He feels like he is against, up against the world. Lord, we know that You are for us, Your word says if God is for us, who can be against us. He who did not spare His own son, but gave Him up for us all. How will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things. We ask for You to do that in Carpam Diem’s life and in our lives. In the precious name of Jesus and powerful name of Jesus. Amen.

Hello, my DAB family. This is Jamie in New Jersey, Standing on the Word of God. I humbly ask you to please pray with me. Dear Father in Heaven, words can never express our deep gratitude but while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. We are so undeserving of Your grace and mercy, not just for salvation but for every day. Father, we ask that You soften our hearts to think more of others than we do of ourselves. Help us to put into order our priorities in life. You see every joy and difficulty and You love us through it all. Give us the grace today not to store up things for ourselves, where moth and decay can destroy or thieves break in and steal, but to gather up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroy, or thieves break in and steal. Allow us the grace today to desire a relationship with You above all earthly things. By Your grace, we ask that You help us to be strong and courageous in the face of adversity. Strengthen us Father to uphold all people with the love that You have received, we have received from You. May Your love be our strength and Your peace fill our hearts. We pray in Jesus name. Amen. Thank you for praying along with me, my brothers and sisters. I love you all dearly. Have a good night.

Hi, Daily Audio Bible family. I hope you’re all having a God blessed day, night, whenever you’re all listening to this. And so, I want to give an update to the situation that I called in to the Daily Audio Bible Family here about. Which I left on June 18th which was Father’s Day. Where I talked about how my mom had sustained a business for almost 20 years but unfortunately passed away from stage 4 brain cancer. And how my cousin had tooken up on the business that my mom had started and how my grandma had passed away recently and then how my cousin had ended up in the hospital and how our family is struggling in finances. And how my dad’s in Kansas and won’t be able to help out much. And so, good thing, my cousins been out of the hospital for a couple weeks now. She got out either ever since July 3rd of July 4th. So, hallelujah to that. But yeah, if ya’ll could please keep praying for our financial situation. We were, thankfully, able to make it through this month by the grace of God. And so, please keep praying for us. And so, thankfully, we’re still going through some trials and tribulations but again, God always gets us through the trials and tribulations. You know this really reminds me of how you know like, Jesus you know, when he slept on the boat you know, in the middle of a storm. And how, you know the disciples were panicking and you know, you know Jesus rebuked the wind. You know, it’s just, you know, God’s gonna help get us through. But yeah, if ya’ll could please pray for us with the financial situation, that God would provide us with the exact finances that we need, to just simply get on by. That would certainly greatly be appreciated. God bless ya’ll. Thank ya’ll so much and please stay encouraged. And please pray for me to stay encouraged as well. God bless ya’ll. Peace.

Today is July 25th, why does that sound special? Oh, it’s Ezekiel’s 11th birthday. Happy Birthday Ezekiel. You are wonderful. I listen to you, even though I’m not a little kid. I’m a grown-up kid. I so love listening to you. You speak so clearly; you have inflection in your voice, and you bring the word of God to all of us. And I thank you for that. And I can’t say Happy Birthday enough. I love you. Happy Birthday Ezekiel. Happy Birthday Zeekee, and byyyyyyyyyyeee. It’s Jersy Jane for Jesus. God bless, God bless everyone in the DAB community.

[gracefortheday]

GRACE FOR THE DAY

JANUARY 14, 2025 TUESDAY

Entry: 8:15am Quezon City

VERSE OF THE DAY: ISAIAH 41:31 For I the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."

CALM IN THE STORM Matthew 8:23-27, Mark 4:35-41, Luke 8:22-25 The entire time a deadly storm rages against the boat, Jesus was peacefully sleeping. Instead of looking at Jesus' reaction to their situation, the disciples allowed their situation to dictate their reactions. "Why are you afraid?" They struggled to believe Jesus will see them through it. They didn't understand what Jesus is capable of. Jesus is our strength, provider, protector, healer, leader, the source of peace and power. The same God in the boat is with us today. Jesus is near. There is no situation you have gone through that Jesus hasn't endured beside you. Jesus was there at the beginning of time and will still be there in the end. He has seen every event in human history and has not forsaken anyone who cries out for Him and trusts in Him. Nothing is impossible for God and His character never changes. He is for us so we have nothing to fear.

Good Father, I stretch out my hand to You now. I need Your help in so many ways, Father. Help me be more aware of Your loving presence as we walk together through this day. In Jesus' name, Amen.

PSALM 98:1 Oh sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things! His right hand and his holy arm have worked salvation for him.

Lord, I praise You because of Who You are, I bow down to You because of what You've done. I glorify Your Name because of who You made me to be, It's amazing to always enjoy and feel Your Holy Presence all day, everyday. I know, no matter I am going through, You never changes, You are great from beginning to the end, my life is in Your mighty, good, perfect hands. You're the most compassionate helper, the most personal intentional companion and the most powerful and merciful healer and deliverer, protector of my life and everything that I love. You gave me all I need to be good, to be holy, to be loving and to experience an abundant life of freedom. I know, You are the Author of my life and I believe You are the perfector of my faith. I live to love You and glorify Your Holy Name, In Jesus name, I pray, worship and honor you, in every way I know, Amen.

LUKE 10:41-42 But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

What's worrying you today? Be honest about how you're doing at the moment and bring your concerns to God.

PRIVATE DO NOT POST** Dear my Heavenly, loving, most gracious and merciful Father God, I am so thankful that You are the discerner of my heart, in the past days, You really showed up in every interactions that I have, In every task and in every decision I thought about You, Lord, forgive me for not doing the things I committed to do to You and to others, Lord, I worry sometimes, forgive me, for complaining about deadlines and time limitations, I know the way You allowed us 24hours per day is perfect, I just can't manage it properly to be fruitful and responsible, Please help me to be truer to my commitments. Lord, give me the integrity, diligence, strength to always be punctual in keeping my word and my promises, Im sorry for making oaths I cannot fulfill, You can see the intentions of my heart and I pray that I stay or continue to have selfless intentions that only focuses on working for heavenly riches and not merely earthly gains. Keep my heart and my entire self devoted to You Lord. I am Yours and I need to be claimed by You. I love You Lord, You know it and I believe You can see it. Help me be more and more pleasing in Your sight everyday. Help me fix the areas in my life where I am still in compromise, my taxes, unpaid bills/dues, insurances, obligations and even my ministry activities that I still have not accomplished. Encourage me Lord to trust Your leading everyday, so that I may walk with You and not always be in a hurry, So that I may prioritize to stay in Your peaceful quiet rest everyday, first thing in the morning, I know it's the only way I will succeed for Your sake. In Jesus name, Amen.

Prayer items:

Azel Dahonog

Love and Grace Cgroup

Elevate Dgroup

future Cgroup/Dgroup members

Street Family/HFG/GLC/CCF/JLJM/EE/MM/EXALT/MondayDG/FamilyDG/CG

PSALM 35:18 I will thank you in the great congregation; in the mighty throng I will praise You

DAILY BIBLE READING: GENESIS 33-35 MATTHEW 10:1-20

JACOB MEETS ESAU Jacob went before them and bow down 7x until he came near to Esau. Esau ran and embraced, kissed him. they wept. Esau introduced his family who bowed before Jacob. Esau said "I have enough my brother; keep what you have for yourself." Jacob insisted: "For I have seen your face, which is like seeing the face of God, and you have accepted me, God has dealt graciously with me, because I have enough." Esau took it. They separated ways and Jacob erected an altar and called it El-Elohe-Israel. (the mighty One, God of Israel) THE DEFILING OF DINAH Dinah, daughter of Leah with Jacob. Shechem the son of Hamor saw her and lay with her. Jacob held his peace until they came. Hamor offered riches and trade with Jacob as bride-price. Jacob replied deceitfully: "We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one who is uncircumcised, for that would be a disgrace to us." Hamor and his son obeyed, on the 3rd day when they were still sore, Simeon and Levi killed all the males of Hivites, they plundered the city and took all their wealth. Jacob was indignant : You have brought me trouble, my numbers are few, I shall be destroyed both I and my household." the sons replied: "Should he treat our sister like a prostitute?" GOD BLESSES AND RENAMES JACOB "Arise, Go up to bethel and stay there. Make and altar" Jacob obeyed. "Put away the foreign gods, purify yourselves and change your garments so that I may make an altar to the God who answers me in the day of my distress and has been with me wherever I have gone. God protected them by sending terror to the cities around them so they will not attack the sons of Jacob. He named the altar El-Bethel (the God of bethel). "Your name is Jacob; no longer shall your name be called Jacob, but Israel shall be your name.I am God Almighy: be fruitful and multiply, A nation nad a company of nations shall come from you. The land that I gave to Abraham and Isaac I will give to you and your offspring. God went up from him in the place where he had spoken with him. Jacob set up a pillar of stone, poured drink offering and oil on it. THE DEATHS OF RACHEL AND ISAAC Benjamin was born, Rachel died in childbirth and was buried. Jacob's 12 sons:

Reuben

Simeon

Levi

Judah

Issachar

Zebulun

Joseph

Benjamin

Dan

Naphtali

Gad

Asher

Isaac died at 180years old, full of days and was buried.

THE TWELVE APOSTLES Jesus called to the apostles and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction. The 12 Apostles:

Simon Peter

Andrew

James

John

Philip

Bartholomew

Thomas

Matthew

James

Thaddeus

Simon the Zealot

Judas Iscariot JESUS SENDS OUT THE 12 APOSTLES "Go to the lost sheep of the house of Israel, proclaim as you go "The kingdom of heaven is at hand." You received without paying so give without pay. Acquire no gold/silver, no bag. the laborer deserves his food. Whatever place you enter, find out who is worthy and stay there until you depart. greet the house and if it is worthy, let your peace come upon it, if not, let it return to you. if they don't listen, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. Truly I say to you it will be more bearable on the day of judgement for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah than for that town. PERSECUTION WILL COME Behold, I am sending you out as a sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Beware of men, for they will deliver you over to courts and flog you in their synagogues, and you will be dragged before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them and the Gentiles. When they deliver you over, do not be anxioushow you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.

GENESIS 5:21-24 The metaphor of walking with God is a prominent theme in the Bible. Waling describes a life of obedience and submission to His instructions. Genesis 5 says the Enoch walked faithfully with God. This imagery is also used throughout the book of Deuteronomy to remind Israel to follow the law by walking in it. In chapter 6, we see the explicit origin of this idea. Verses 4-9 are referred to as the Shema which means "hear", the first word in this section of Scripture: "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one" In the Shema, Israel is encouraged to make God's law central to everything they do. Observant Jews today still recite this prayer daily. Other examples of walking imagery appear in the Psalms (1,15,119,128) and in the New Testament. (Col 3:7, 1John1:7, 2John1:6) by Matt Lucas

GENESIS 5:24 Enoch walked faithfully with God.

WALKING WITH GOD According to the US-NIH, Adults who walk >8k steps a day had a reduced risk of death over the following decade than those who walked only 4k. Walking is good for us. Walking is also communing with God. In Genesis 3. God walked with Adam and Eve "in the cool of day" In Genesis 5, Enoch walked faithfully with God for 300 years then God took him. In Genesis 17, God invited Abram to walk before Him as He renewed His covenant with him. Jacob described God as his Shepherd and spoke of his ancestors who walked faithfully. In the New Testament, Paul instructs us to walk by the Spirit. (Galatians 5:16) Walk with God daily. Surrender your life to Him and be guided by the Holy Spirit. That's the path to true health. How's your walk? by Matt Lucas

Reflect and Pray How would you describe "walking with God"? Today, as you reflect on Scripture, how will you follow and obey it?

Father, please forgive me when I've chosen not to walk with You, but pursued my own agenda. Help me keep in step with You, In Jesus' name, Amen.

CHRONOLOGICAL BIBLE READING: JOB 1-5 JOB'S CHARACTER AND WEALTH Job was blameless and upright, fearing God and turned away from evil. 7 sons and 3 daughters. 7000 sheeps, 3000 camels, 500 yoke oxen, 500 female donkeys, many servants, greatest of all of the east. Job consecrates his offspring and rises early to make an offering according to the number of them all. "it may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts." Job did continually. satan ALLOWED TO TEST JOB "Stretch out Your hand and touch all that he has and he will curse You to Your face" "Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand." satan TAKES JOB'S PROPERTY AND CHILDREN a lone surviving servant reported to job that the Sabeans struck them and took all. another reported that the fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and livestock. Another reported the Chaldeans raided the camels, Another reported a great wind came across the wilderness and struck and the house fell on all his children. Job arose and tore his robe, shaved his head and fell on the ground worshipped. "Naked, I came from my mother's womb, naked shall I return. the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD" Job did not sin or charge God with wrong. satan ATTACKS JOB'S HEALTH "Job still holds fast his integrity although you incited me against him to destroy him without reason" "Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. But stretch out Your hand and touch his bone and flesh and he will curse You to Your face." "Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life" satan struck Job with loathsome sores. Job's wife tells him: "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die." Job replied: "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this, job did not sin with his lips. JOB'S 3 FRIENDS Eliphaz, Bildad, Zophar made an appointment and came to show sympathy and comfort to job. they wept and tore their clothes, sat with him 7 days and nights. no one spoke to him. they saw his suffering. JOB LAMENTS HIS BIRTH Job cursed his birthday, "For then I would have lain down and been quiet, slept and at rest. the small and the great are there, and the slave is free from his master.Why is life given to the bitter in soul, who long for death but it comes not. ELIPHAZ SPEAKS: THE INNOCENT PROSPER

NAMES OF JESUS FOR ADVENT: IMMANUEL Immanuel is a Hebrew name which appears in the Book of Isaiah as a sign that God will protect the House of David. The Gospel of Matthew interprets this as a prophecy of the birth of the Messiah and the fulfilment of Scripture in the person of Jesus. The title Immanuel literally means “God with us.” Both Isaiah and Matthew affirm that the Christ who would be born in Bethlehem would be God Himself who came to earth in the form of a man to live among His people. (Isaiah 7:10-14), so we can have confidence in God’s goodness in Christ that we have all we need. To know Christ is to know God. We can take great encouragement and comfort in living this side of the cross. The faithful people of God in the Old Testament looked forward to the Son of God, and we have seen the fulfilment of God in Christ who lived a perfect life and went to the cross to save us. What a wonderful blessing to know the Son of God in such a way.

ISAIAH 7:14 14Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.

MATTHEW 1:18-23 18Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. 19And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. 20But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” 22All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: 23 “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel”

[kyokimidori]

This one was a part 2 of a Hermione/Voldemort fic that I was writing where Voldemort is Hades. I'm happy to rewrite the first one, or continue with this one. Let me know if you want more! Love ya1

“He will come for me”

Voldemort had never thought that those words, spoken so long ago, with such defiance, would ever ring true.

Years had gone by in the mortal realm as time ticked slowly by in his domain.

No one had ever come to save the girl that had been forsaken by the gods.

Not until today.

Voldemort stared down at his brother’s child, his nephew.

It had taken him more than half a decade to finally come to the underworld, begging for the soul of his childhood friend.

“Let Hermione go, I beg of you! She is innocent.”

Harry’s cries echoed in Voldemort’s throne room, bouncing off the walls.

If he kept this up, he was certain that she would hear her friend, would recognize his voice.

“Innocent? Why would an innocent soul be sent to me?” he asked, eyebrow raised. “If she was innocent surely the gods would not have forsaken her.”

“A witch named Bellatrix cast a spell on Hermione, as a punishment to me. When Bellatrix was killed by me, it actually killed my best friend. Bellatrix has been living in Hermione’s body for five years, I didn’t realize until recently..”

“You claim this soul, this Hermione is innocent and you best friend, yet you did not realize this other woman was not her?” Surely his nephew was joking. How could a demigod not know that a witch had done such a thing for five years?

It made his blood boil, the thought of his Hermione, being tortured, begging for forgiveness for leaving this boy alone, only for him to not even realize she was dead.

“I- We had a fight and I--” Harry stopped speaking, his voice cut off by Voldemort’s presence as he rose from his throne, his figure seeming to taken over the ample space of the throne room.

“Get. Out.”

The words echoed through the room, but to Voldemort’s and Harry’s surprise, they did not come from the King of hell.

“Hermi-” Harry started towards the girl Voldemort had taken from the rack, the one that he had abandoned in hell while he was doing only the gods knew.

Hermione didn’t stay there, instead she turned on her heel and left, back towards where she had come, to the sanctuary Voldemort had never shared with another soul before her.

“You heard her, you are not wanted here nephew.” Voldemort growled, gesture with his hand towards a wall where a door appeared “Don’t come back”.

Harry didn’t get a chance to say anything, a forceful gust knocking him backwards through the door Voldemort had summoned to the mortal plane.

The king of hell looked back towards where Hermione had gone, sorrow filling him, knowing how she must be hurting, after all, the one person she had cared most for hadn’t even realized she was gone.

It was something Voldemort would not forget nor forgive, even if his Hermione ever did.

After all, her soul was his own, her heart his.

He would never allow her to be taken away, especially by a boy who didn’t understand her.

He had spent these past few years mending her, knowing that she was innocent and trying to bring her joy and comfort when all the others had forsaken her. In that time, she had mended parts of him that he hadn’t even known were broken.

No Mortal, Immortal, or anyone in between would take that from him.

Ever.

[satorena]

❛ UNPROFESSIONALISM ! ❜

⟡ content warnings. explicit content. foul language. ceo!satoru. secretary!reader. mentioned past flings. fondlīng. fīngerīng. afab!reader. p in v. unprotected. brēēding. squīrtīng. gojo satoru is his own damn warning. 4.9k.

⟡ serena's note. oh if y’all knew the lengths i went thru just to post this damn fic. . .

“ugh, this is such a painnn!”

“the sooner you finish your paperwork, the sooner you’re off, sir.” you sigh, arms crossed over your chest. you’re used to your boss’ childish antics by now, having worked side by side with him for nearly a year. you check the time on your watch, “work ended about half an hour ago— you might want to hurry up.”

“but y/n!” he drags out your name, voice all whiny and pitched in a telltale manner. he pushes himself off away from his desk, chair rolling back from the impact as he lolls his head back. “this shit is sooo lame. didn’t i hire nanamin to take care of the boring stuff? how come he isn’t here handling this god forsaken load of terrorizing agony?!”

you click your tongue, clutching tighter at the clipboard in your hold. you wonder if he’d been dropped on the head as a child, his lack of self-awareness so painful it makes you reconsider if the check at the end of the week is ever worth it. “he’s scheduled the week off to keep his wife and newborn in check. he signed off about a month ago.”

he snaps his head up so quickly, you’re positive he’s gotten whiplash. gojo blinks at you through big blue eyes and snowy lashes, a dumbfounded look on his face. he lifts his index to scratch at the corner of his lips, and cocks his head to the side, “ahh. . . ‘s that right? wait— nanamin’s a dad?!”

you feel the vein in your head inevitably tick.

“sir,” you let out an exhausted sigh, completely baffled by his ineptitude. he must purposely choose to do this to you, there’s simply no other explanation. “we attended his wife’s baby shower a few months ago—the one you mistook for a bachelor party and had me escorting the escorts back home.” you lift your pointer finger, brows cinched as the memory burns into your mind. he tilts his head to the side, affirming the idea of his cluelessness even more.

you raised a second finger, “we showed up to the hospital to congratulate them on their baby— and you got them that ridiculous cutout board of yourself that sings when you press on the—”

“the button on my dick, yeah!” gojo cackles as if it’s the funniest story ever, as if you hadn’t need to dump a bucket of water on the cutout figure to get it to shut up before he could get his company sued for emotional distress.

you huff, the stressful reminder of that unfortunate day having you anxiously tugging at the hem of your skirt, “yep. that’s the one.” between the baby’s obnoxious cries and exaggerated mecha-gojo moans, you’d rather not think about that encounter.

“and this whole time i figured she was his sister,” gojo snorts, wiping a faux tear from the corner of his eye. he sighs when his laughter dies down, and pulls him chair back into his desk. “man, his wife’s a babe. guess that explains why she looked at me all crazy when i called her fine the other day.”

“you sure that’s the only reason?” you mutter under your breath, the insult flowing off your tongue so naturally that you couldn’t help stopping it, even if you wanted to. that man was all kinds of deranged, his ego and head much bigger than it needed to be.

“ouch, that’s mean, doll.” gojo pouts, clutching at the material of his blazer above his heart. the back of his free hand lands on his forehead as he dramatically leans back into his seat. his eyelids shut tightly, “you’re wounding me. ‘m too young to die. i can’t go on like this— tell my mother i loved her. sign off my will for me, wouldya? make sure to terrorize nanamin some more. oh, and empty out all my search histories. wouldn’t wanna ruin my reputation. and get rid of my porn magazines beneath my bed. ‘ve got some pretty nasty stuff there. and check up on my kid every now and then. and—”

“alright, alright. i apologize.” you cut his rambling off before it spiralled into something far worse. there’s a full headache throbbing at your temple, your feet ache from your heels, and your stomach rumbles in hunger. you’re ready to go home now, but that won’t be possible unless your big man baby of a boss finishes up his task. “i’m sure you’ve a very suitable man. many would be grateful to have you. my apologies, sir.”

he peeks through an eye, a smug smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. his beaten-puppy look is quickly replaced by one you know far too well now— the look he gets after beating his rival company in terms of stock. the look he gets after successfully shitting on his higher ups. the look he gets after getting you to cum on his fingers after a long day— you’ve stroked his ego. “i’ve trained you well, princess. always flattering me, ohh, however did i get so lucky?”

whatever have you done to get so unlucky? “time’s ticking, sir. you can’t afford to pick up megumi late from practice again.”

“nanamin’s wife might be a babe, but you’re a gem, y’know?” your boss entirely ignores you, leaning his elbow onto the pile of work he’s now completely erased from his existence. he leans his cheek into his palm, fingertips tapping at the side of his head. “one helluva girl. i mean it— i really lucked out with ya.”

you cross your leg over the other, shifting your hips over the suede material of his couch. you recognize the sultry undertone to his voice, and your clear your throat, “is that so?”

gojo chuckles, flashing you all thirty two teeth, “i mean it’s not everyday you find a woman with your patience. god, you must be in love with me or something.”

you roll your eyes, despite the small smile that creeps up on your lips, “that’s certainly not why i stayed,” which wasn’t entirely true, but it’s not as if you haven’t inflated his ego enough today. “you may be a handful but your pockets sure are generous.”

“wouldn’t kill you to make a guy feel good about himself from time to time, ya know?” he fiddled the black pen between his fingers, twirling the object from knuckle to knuckle. he pauses when you don’t answer, noticing you noticing his finger movements. and so he proceeds with a smirk, “you’re always so tense all the time. . . tell me, when’s the last time you’ve been properly fucked?”

you nearly lose the grip on your clipboard at his audacity, the question throwing you off guard. though, you quickly keep composure— a fierce facade that’s always labelled you as the calm and collected kind. though, you’re doubtful it worked against your own boss.

“that’s an unprofessional question, sir.” you grit through teeth, nails scratching at the wooden back of your board. highly hypocritical of yourself, as you’re absolutely no better than he is— having already opened a window of no return that fateful night you accepted his invite to come inside his home.

“pretty sure we’re past unprofessionalism.” he pushes himself off of his desk, rising to his feet. your eyes trail his movements, from the index finger that hooks at his tie to loosen the knot, to the cock of his head to the side that has his hair bouncing, to the sound of expensive shoes clicking with every stride closer to you.

his presence can be oddly intimidating at times— you’ve noticed while working with him for a while. there’re moments like whenever he steps up on a podium in front of thousands of people, or when the elevator doors slide open and presents him to the building. despite his childish antics, he exudes an aura so enchanting that serves as reminder of that at the end of the day, he’s the boss.

you swallow, eyes following his lean figure until he stops right before you. it’s hard to read him in moments like these, when he’s so unlike himself (or maybe finally truly himself). his hands sit in the pockets of his slacks, legs parted enough to entrap your own legs between his, as he tilts his head forward. his irises darken behind tinted shades, bangs curtaining the raise of an eyebrow.

“unprofessional?” he repeats, and your eyes narrow at him, subconsciously gripping at your board tighter. it’s the only thing that you seem to have control over, since it clearly wouldn’t be this conversation. “you mean like that time i had you creamin’ all over my fingers in the back of my car? or unprofessional like that time you bent over my desk and came all over my face? or was it that night when i had to tie your hands together to keep you from runnin’ away?”

your gaze flickers away from his, the heat of embarrassment creeping from your neck all the way to your face. he wasn’t wrong— your relationship with him had passed morally ethical the moment you pulled him in closer to kiss you instead of pushing him away.

“we’re still at work.” you quip, the last bit of resolve tattering away the longer you feel his eyes on you. your roll your ankle nervously, thighs tightening against another.

“work ended half an hour ago sweetheart, remember?” he reminds you, voice as taunting as ever, and you sure as hell don’t need to see him to know he’s smirking. right side of his lips pulled with a moon crescent dimple on the side— he’s making fun of you. “forgettin’ already? can’t have my adorable secretary so overwhelmed that it’s meltin’ her brain. that should be my dick’s doing only, of course.”

you click your tongue, eyes casting back up to stare him dead in the eye. naturally, he’s already meeting your own, with the same damn smirk you’d predicted, “you have paperwork to finish, sir. better get on that quickly.”

“oh?” he laughs at your command, pulling his hands out of his pockets to rest at his hips. he runs his tongue against the top row of his teeth, and you hate the way your mind instantly travels back to days prior when you’d once had that same tongue working in and out of you.

he hums in faux thought, tapping his index against his chin. his lips fall into a pout before instantly stretching back to its default state, his infamous smile, “i suppose you’re right. come help me finish then, hmm? teamwork makes the dream work.”

you’re skeptical— you know him too well, but you’d rather divert the focus of attention from you to those papers. anything to prevent your mind from wandering off further into endless unprofessional possibilities. “lead the way, boss.”

he curtsies dramatically as you rise to your feet, stomping over to his desk. you notice he’s got shit done, and you’ll most likely be here for a minute. and so, you stand next to the chair he’d abandoned and pick up the pen, waiting for him to sit so you both could get started.

only you should’ve known you’d fallen right into his trap the minute you agreed to his ridiculous offer. you feel him pressed up behind you, lurking over your shoulder to study whatever you had going on. he’s unreasonably tall, frame so large it has you feeling frail in his presence, and his cologne so strong you feel it already clouding your judgement.

damn it all.

clicking your tongue, you tilt your head to the side to narrow your eyes, “well? are you not going to sit?”

gojo blinks at you, “how come? i enjoy the view here much better anyway.”

you roll your eyes, before turning back to his desk. he was a complete idiot if he thought you hadn’t already anticipated his next moves. the more your wrist flexes, mumbling the words you read on your sheets as you write them down, the more you felt him. you could feel the back of your thighs meeting the from of his, you could feel his bulge rubbing at your ass, you could feel his warm breath fanning at the slope of your neck.

damn it all.

“sales have risen to a—ahhn!” your pen falters in your grip, scribbling on the white sheet as it hits the desk. your eyelids shut close, teeth clamping down on your bottom lip as a warm mouth kisses at that sensitive spot behind your ear. your palm lays flat against the surface of the table, side by side with gojo’s, body tensing as his mouth trails down lower.

“oh you bastard,” you mutter, shaky hand attempting to grab the pen in an unsteady hold. his chuckle rumbles deep from his chest, and you feel the vibrations against your back. you’re determined to stand your ground, despite the urge to push your hips back into him. he may have soft lips and an annoyingly hot voice, but you would not falter— no matter the moisture of his breath sending shivers down your spine.

you think you have it set in stone, the pen in your hold— albeit unsteady— despite his large hand creeping up your thigh. every trail of his touch leaves an electrifying feeling, and you’re sure he’s noticed your trembling knees if the way he subtly slid his leg in between yours to keep you steady said anything.

it’s when you’re ready to scribble out your mistake to replace it that he decides to plunge his canines to your jugular. the moan that erupts from you is squeaky, your hand clutching tightly at the pen as your back arches into his chest from the painful pleasure.

gojo nibbles and sucks at your skin, running his tongue over the throbbing area to soothe the pain, fingers trailing closer to your now aching core. you’re positive your skirt has now hiked up with how much your hips are pushing back into his, head lolled forward.

“aweee, what’s the matter sweetheart? ‘s too much for you already?” gojo coos, sultry voice sending chills from the shell of your ear down to your core, finally slipping his hand inside of your skirt. his fingertips brush at your clothed clit, the material of your thong shamefully damp in arousal. you huff, nails scratching at his desktop when his index and middle finger rub painfully slow circles at your clit. “but we’ve barely done anything? tsk, can’t afford slowing the company down because you’re too distracted to focus.”

your thighs and arms threaten to give out, body heating with lust and desire. you want to say you hate this, that this is against your typical work ethics, to tell him to fuck off and do the work himself. but the focus on your pussy really has you melting puddle, bottom lip tugged on to suppress any louder sounds to escape.

“y-you’re the worst.” you complain, though it fades into another moan when he pushes his thigh up in between your legs. you’re internally thankful, because had this gone any further, you’re certain you would’ve sunken to the floor.

“love you too, pretty girl.” he presses a kiss at your jaw, fingers pushing past your panties. fuck any resolve you’d held onto— you chuck the pen far away, planting both palms down as you allowed him to take control. every rub of his fingers at your clit had you dripping down his thigh, to where your hips shifted and rolled down his leg, dragging out that blissful heat in your gut.

“givin’ up already? y’didn’t put much of a fight this time, can’t say i’m a disappointed.” his free hand grips at your thigh and trails up to your hips, resting at your flesh to guide you down his leg. he’s all too enthralled by your sensitivity, gaze zeroed in on your expressions— from the slackness at your jaw to the way your brows furrow.

“just h-hurry up already,” you grit, eyelashes fluttering as your eyelids lift. your gaze meets his instantly, and gulp at the hungry look in his eyes. his skin is already flushed pink, lips parted as he pants heavily. “you’re no—ngh, better than i am, dickhead.”

“well aren’t ya damn mouthy,” gojo acknowledged, though clearly unbothered, as his fingers pinch at that bundle of nerve. you gasp, cunt clenching as it leaks more of your essence down on him. your head drops back against his shoulder, the slope of your back curving as you grip onto the closest thing in your vicinity— the hem of his blazer. “hm, whatever happened to my obedient secretary? always so polite and respectful, don’t tell me i haven’t trained you enough?”

“m-maybe you haven’t,” you pant, chest heaving as you feel his fingertips teasing the entrance of your folds. they’re slow movements, applying just enough pressure to ignite the spark in your guts but not enough to leave you wanting more. “can’t even do your damn j-job right and you call yourself boss? hah, wonder if mister geto would have this issue— fuuuck!”

“low fuckin’ blow, sweets.” gojo chuckles darkly, now two fingers knuckle deep in your cunt. he wastes no time to plunge himself inside, knuckles rubbing at your velvety walls. you clamp down on his digits, desperate to keep him in for the sake of that orgasm you craved. “and here i was ready to put this pretty pussy in my mouth. you’re dickless for a few days and catch an attitude wimme? that’s cold, baby.”

“dickless?” you cock a brow, teeth gritting as you focus all your energy left on delivering your next line. he always got so cocky whenever he had a slight advantage. “a-according to who—ooh, god, shit!”

“ooh god, shit!” gojo mocks you, a third finger now joining the others. he scissors your cunt open, the slick of your arousal simplifying the slide in. you’re dripping down to his palm, so wet despite the front you’re putting up. he knows you love it whenever he angles his fingers at this angle, the one that has you knees weak and ready to fold. “face it sweets, i’m the only one who treats this pussy the way it deserves. see how well she responds to me?”

and you wish you could negate or deny him, but unfortunately, you both know he’s correct. he’s only got his fingers inside of you and you’re already at your limit. your hips eagerly chase his fingers whenever he pulls out just to thrust them back in, the pad of his thumb drawing infinity signs at your clit. your tongue feels heavy in your mouth, knot in your tummy tightening from the stimulation.

“nghhh, ‘m gonna cum,” your hand slides down the slope of his forearm till where his wrist begins. you claw at the bone, clutching and grabbing at him eagerly. damn him and his damned fingers— driving you to mush with all six inches. “more, hah, need more— gimme more!”

“manners, pretty baby.” gojo coos at your ear, despite upping his pace. his hands reach all the right spots, pussy desperate to hold out to his fingers as they fuck your cunt open, soaking the digits in your slick. “c’mon girl, what’s the magic word? i know you’ve got it in you.”

“p-please! pleasepleaseplease—” you’re cut off by your own gasp as the dam in your stomach finally breaks. you leak on his fingers, squirting your juices as your muscles convulse, walls entrapping him in. your back arches away from him and you grasp at anything in your reach, your mouth gaped. you’re cussing like a sailor, vision blacked out beneath your eye lids as your hips twitch and stutter against gojo’s ruthless pace.

your high washes down, as you lose feeling in your limbs, falling face down to the desk. your skin is moist with heat, mouth parted as drool coats the abandoned paperwork beneath you. your body twitches with oversensitivity, thighs quaking as your last few spurts spray all over gojo’s thigh.

“don’t tell me you’re all worn out from a little foreplay?” your boss teases, his free hand delivering a blow onto your ass cheek. it recoils as you jolt, snivelling like a baby. you hear the sound of his belt unbuckling, slacks falling next and pooling at his ankles. the next few moments happen in a blur, but sooner than you’d realized, you’d been turned onto your back with your legs propped over his shoulders and your folds were being played with again, the overstimulation having your toes curling in your heels.

“anddd there we go,” gojo strokes at his bricked cock, your essence serving as lube to coat his dick. he drags his fist from the base of his shaft to the tip, both your fluids and his pre cum mixture softening the jerk. “you fuckin’ water park. jeez, maybe i should plug this tiny cunt to prevent any further leakage, yeah?”

“fucking hurry already!” you don’t whine, or so you hope, though the grip of your legs at the back of his neck does tighten. with your skirt hiked up and your panties pushed to the side, gojo has a clear view of your twitching pussy, a hole designated intentionally just for him. he can already feel the cum in his balls ready to burst and fill your womb.

“and back to mouthy she goes,” he chuckles, using the leverage of his hand at his cock to slap his dick at your folds. the impact causes you to whimper, your hands clutching at the border of the desk. you wish you could wipe that smirk off his face, but fuck if the way he didn’t rub himself against you arouse you in ways that would surely haunt you after the orgasmic high faded away.

“take a deep breath for me baby, kay?” gojo instructs, thumb brushing over the skin above your hip bone, and before you’re able to retaliate, he slides in his dick.

his length is nothing to scoff at, and although you’ve already dealt with it in the past, all that prepping he’d done earlier seemed in vain. he bottoms out quickly, balls deep into you cunt. both your moans blend in harmony, overlapping one another as you settle with the aching stretch. your pussy clenches around his cock uncontrollably, both eager to push and pull him away.

“shittttt,” he whines throatily despite the huge grin on his lips. the flush pampering his skin has gotten significantly deeper, pale brows furrowed to the centre of his forehead. his hands grip at your plush thighs, fingers digging deep into your skin, surely enough to leave bruises. the bastard— he knew you’d be forced to wear your own slacks tomorrow to avoid suspicions.

“no fuckin’ way ‘m already set to bust— hah, fuck, what in the magical pussy is this?” gojo groans, snowy hair bouncing with his head thrown back. the tighter you grip at his cock, the tighter he grips at your thighs and the deeper his breaths are.

you push yourself up to your elbows, giggling at the irony of the situation. “already huh? so it wasn’t the liquor’s fault last time.” surely you were no better, entirely stimulated and body excreting all kinds of fluids from all over, but the ball was now in your court, and you planned on taking advantage. “s-should’ve known.”

naturally, he doesn’t rise to your bait, instead moving his hips away from yours, slowly dragging his cock out until the only part left in your cunt is his pink tip. “don’t make me make you eat your words, sweets.”

you raise your hand and rest it right above his pelvis, eyes set straight on his. you’re both clearly eager and ready to go, but you still had your dignity to uphold. you drag your palm upwards his torso, nails trailing up his button-up top teasingly before clutching at his tie. with the strength left in you, you yank him down and closer to you.

the shift in position stirs his dick in your cunt, knees now pressed closer to your chest. he hovers over you, a newfound look in his eyes you aren’t ready to divulge into—he was a very expressive man after all. both your lips ghosts one over another, breaths hot and mingling. you feel fuzzy, all senses fucked but collectively drawing at a same conclusion: wanting him to fuck your brains out on this desk.

“fuckin’ hell that was sexy.” it almost comes off a whisper, his tone breathless as his eyes bare deep into your. you feel the warmth of his hands fading away in favour to cup at your waist.

you tilt your head to the side, nose grazing against his. your fingers fiddle with the hem of his tie, despite never breaking the eye contact. “you gonna rock my world now?”

nothing more has to be said as he engulfs your mouth into his, knocking the wind out of you. his tongue explores the warm cave of your mouth, no inch left untouched. you moan and kiss him back just as eagerly, sliding the hand from his neck tie to his nape. your fingers thread through his soft locks, nails scratching his scalp and tugging at the roots.

he whimpers pathetically, the pain sending courses of arousal straight to his dick as his hips slam right back against yours. his thrust is rough and deep— leaving you gasping, as he takes the opportunity to kiss you even deeper while simultaneously working on his strokes.

the curve of his cock reaches even deeper than his fingers could manage, rubbing at your gummy walls and stretching them even wider. the sounds of your bodies connecting, your skins slapping, both your fluids mixing— everything felt so wanton, so filthy. he was everywhere, so far in your stomach you swear you could feel him in your throat.

the stretch of his cock at your pussy sent a fiery feeling spreading towards all of your limbs. the squelching of your pussy tightening and clenching at his dick filling the room. he soon picked up his pace, railing into you with every fibre in his body, loving the way your body bounced up in reaction to his thrusts.

“s-shit, oh fuck— don’t stop, ngh, right there!” you begged, throwing your head back against the hard surface. you’d given up on trying to keep your eyes open, the intensity of his dick ramming into your guts so fierce, you’d never felt anything like it.

he takes a sharp inhale of breath, followed by a whiny exhale. you were driving him insane, your sloppy cunt greedily clamping on his dick as if it were its lifeline. “suckin’ me in so tight, shitttt baby, ‘s like you want me to fill this perfect pussy full of my nut.” he dives his tongue deeper into your mouth for extra measure. you’re in a turmoil of multiple emotions at once but you kiss him back— until your lips feel tender and your mouth tastes of his breath.

he was annoyingly intoxicating, whether you wanted to admit it or not. your body spoke every word you were ashamed to say, responding with his own almost too perfectly.

when he slips his thumb to toy at your clit, your toes curl in your shoes and you’re accustomed to the oncoming feeling all too well, nails clawing at his skin. your words come out all fumbled mixed with tongue and drool, “s-satoru, i— ‘m gonna, don’t you stop— fuck ‘s too much— hnng!” you pull away just slightly, eyes all dazed as they roll to the back of your skull.

“shit, oh shit, me too,” he swipes at the drool dribbling past your mouth. from there, he plants more kisses at your skin, nibbling at every inch of you. he’s rutting like a madman, pace unforgiving as he focuses on that same spot that has you mindless. he finds you prettiest when you’re this way— all obedient for him. “my pretty girl— where do i— fuck, where—”

“inside.” as if you’d wanted to kill him, just as quick the word left your lips, he emptied his balls in your cunt. he sobs, his orgasm wracking over his entire body as he slams and fills your pussy full of him. the mixture of sounds is downright sinful, and whether it’d been the focus on your clit or his inhumane stamina, you soon met your similar end.

you cream on his dick once more, legs trembling as your second orgasm washes over you. your mind gone dumb, you do nothing but lay as you take the pounding inflicted on your worn out pussy. with each stroke you see stars, breasts juggling at the match of his pace. it’s damn near painful, but in the best enjoyable way. you feel yourself getting fuller by the second as you spray more of your arousal onto him.

the high eventually comes down for you both, the room reeking of sex. you’re both panting heavily, muscles twitching from overexertion. you couldn’t recall the last time you’d been fucked to the point of a momentary blackout— but you’d be damned if you’d ever let him know. he was too busy crying over your cunt anyways.

after a moment of silence, “. . .shit.”

“what?” you hum tiredly, rubbing the back of your hand to your tired hands. god, you could barely muster enough energy to do just that. what did this man eat?

he skips a few beats, before sheepishly chuckling, the hand that’d once been tracing patterns at the skin of your thighs now moving to your side. your gaze follows his movements, and it’s only when he retracts his hand does your heart sink to your chest.

“we definitely fucked these papers up.”

. . . shit.

io baby.. if you ever end up reading this i did it :c

[ahopkins1965]

Psalms 139:10 Commentary

Psalms 139:10 Commentary

I have decided to hold onto God’s Unchanging Hand.  This Bible verse is saying: Even your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me.  I want all of you to know that if I hold onto God’s Hand, He shall guide me and lead me.  I am saying that my life belongs to God.  Jesus Christ is my Personal Savior and friend. 

Next, I have cried out for Jesus Christ to help me for over an hour and a half today.  Jesus Christ is my God, Savior, and Friend.  I have made a promise to walk with Him for the rest of my entire life.  I know that I am not a perfect human being, I am asking Jesus Christ to lead me in the Way that is Everlasting.  I am a 58-year-old man, who has a lot of common sense.  I am very intelligent, smart, gifted, and honest.  I have promise to lead at least one person or persons to the right path.

 I know that my life has been filled with ups and downs during the past 14 years now.  I will admit that I am losing my memory.  I know that I have to live for Him.  God is watching me as well as other people on Planet Earth.  I am very happy that I am walking with Jesus Christ, which is the Son of God.  My life at this point consists of personal trials and tribulations.  My life is based on His Guidance.  I have to read the Bible, say my prayers, and attend Church each time I get a chance.  Even though the weather might be raining and snowing outside, but I must make it my business to enter into His House of Praise.  However, the Temple of the Living God is inside of our hearts.  I must not forsake the assembly of the Saints.  I am supposed to fulfill His Great Commission in the 21st Century.

The Lord Jesus Christ died for the sins of Mankind.  God and the angels are rejoicing because I have turned my life over to the care of God.  I want you to know that my life has been sinful and dwelling in my guilt and transgressions.  Jesus Christ is holding my hand right now because I want Him to hold my hand for as long as I shall live.  This means that I have to pay my tithes and offerings to the Church.  I am walking in the Spirit.  I know that God is watching over me each day of my life.  I know that I feel much better right now because Jesus Christ is with me.

Moreover, I want all of you to know that I have to do everything in my power to do right.  I am ready to save lost souls that have gone astray.  This is because I went astray, and decided to live in the world.  At one point of my life, I was a backslider.  Jesus Christ has given me a new way of thinking.  I do not argue with anyone anymore.  I have to pray without ceasing. 

In Addition, I want to inform all of you that we should not drink alcohol and smoke marijuana as well as other drugs.  I have been clean and sober for a long period of time.  Proverbs 22:6 says: Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he shall not depart from it.  I attended Church all of my life; especially when I was a little boy.  My grandparents used to take me to Church with them all of the time.  I know that I had forsaken Jesus Christ.  The Lord Jesus Christ will never leave you nor forsake you.  My time is officially running out because I have Alzheimer’s Disease right now. 

This is the reason why I want to save as many people as I possibly can.  I want to inform all of you that I am feeling better right now.  I must set my mind on God’s Way of Thinking.  I love all of you very much. 

Finally, I want to inform all of you that I still have a long way to go in my Christian walk.  I must feed my mind on God’s Ways.  I must stay busy ministering to others.  I am asking all of you to please keep me in your prayers.  I have a mental illness as well as Alzheimer’s Disease right now. 

In Conclusion, I am saying that I have decided to follow Jesus.  I have to give Him my heart, mind, and soul.  I want to inform all of you that I have been hindered from my progress online and in my personal life.  I want to say that there are almost four billion organized criminals worldwide. 

This means that there are a group of people, who are taking advantage of the poor.  I will also admit that I got scammed out of over $18,000 dollars in Western Union Funds.  I want to inform all of you that women’s profiles are being compromised each day as we speak.

 This is my reason to hold onto God’s Unchanging Hand.  I have to allow God’s Word to communicate with me.  I must help other people.  I must listen to Church Sermons and Gospel Music each day of the week.

 My whole way of life has changed for the better.   I have to ask God to communicate for me and with me.  God Bless You!!  God Loves You and So Do I.  Please take good care of yourselves.  May the Lord Jesus be with you.

[jdgo51]

I Am with You Always

Today's inspiration comes from:

Jesus Calling for Easter

by Sarah Young

"'I broaden the path beneath you so that your ankles do not turn. This shows how intricately I am involved in your life-journey. I know exactly what is before you, and I can alter the path ahead of you to make your way easier. Sometimes I enable you to see what I have done on your behalf. At other times you are blissfully unaware of the hardship I have spared you. Either way, My work to widen the way before you demonstrates how lovingly I am involved in your life.

From your perspective, My workings are often mysterious. I do not protect you — or anyone — from all adversity. Neither was I shielded from hardship during my thirty-three years of living in your world. On the contrary, I willingly suffered unimaginable pain, humiliation, and agony on the cross — for your sake! When My Father turned away from Me, I experienced unspeakable suffering. But because I was willing to endure that excruciating isolation from Him, you will never have to suffer alone. I have promised: I am with you always!

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” — Matthew 27:46 NKJV

... And teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. — Matthew 28:20

You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn. — Psalm 18:36

You will never have to suffer alone.

I am the resurrection and the life; all lasting Life emanates from Me. People search for life in many wrong ways: chasing after fleeting pleasures, accumulating pos- sessions and wealth, trying to deny the inevitable effects of aging. Meanwhile, I freely offer abundant Life to everyone who turns toward Me. As you come to Me and take My yoke upon you, I fill you with My very Life. This is how I choose to live in the world and accomplish My purposes. This is also how I bless you with Joy unspeakable and full of Glory. The Joy is Mine, and the Glory is Mine; but I bestow them on you as you live in My Presence — inviting Me to live fully in you.

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. — Matthew 11:28-29

Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see Him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls. — 1 Peter 1:8-9 KJV

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies.”' — John 11:25

Excerpted with permission from Jesus Calling for Easter by Sarah Young, copyright Sarah Young.

[theaveragepsychoticbitch]

HEYA! Buddha + Ear Kisses, plss? ❤

A fellow Buddha lover, finally. I'd be happy to write this request💕 You/Reader is immortal here.

You and Buddha didn't fight often, but when you did, it was never serious. He'd pop his gum and make sarcastic remarks, you'd throw a few insults and complaints at most. It seemed more like friendly banter really. But in the end, you'd always make up within the day, and by the next it'd seem as though the argument never happened.

Today is different, however.

Buddha spit his gum in the trash, and didn't reach for another.

The glare he levels you with is soul-shattering. It doesn't inspire fear and submission like the other gods'- his communicated disappointment. Disappointment and frustration and anger. The kind that simmers in it's pot, the kind that scares you. Not because it is anger, but because it's an anger that should never be leveled on you.

You throw your hands wide in exasperation. "Why are you looking at me like that?! Like I'm the one in the wrong, like I've done something oh-so unforgivable?" You didn't think you were about to cry, but emotion chokes up your voice anyway. What started as a scream becomes a warped sob. You hate this. You just wanted to spend time with him.

The argument had started when you expressed his distance as of late. Always out traveling, never seeming to have time to do more than kiss you goodbye. You know he hates it up here with the other gods, but what about you? Weren't you supposed to be special? Didn't he love you enough to spare even a couple of days? Even when you asked to go with him, he wasn't interested.

"You know I hate it up here with the gods." He spat. "I'll spend time with their forsaken creations every chance I get. Don't you see? There's a whole world down there-"

"And what about me?! What about the world right in front of you? I know you hate them Baby, but I have friends up here I can't just drop to go run around the human world with you! My feelings matter too, don't they?! You may hate the gods, but can you stop being so self centered for one got damn moment and see through my eyes?"

You were gasping, crying, screaming. Weeks of frustration raw your throat in the form of those words, your own emotions building a wall that blot out the world. There is only you, him, and the way he keeps making you feel: insignificant.

"Buddha, Love, when the hell did you stop caring about me?"

You can't see through your tears. Of course you're sad, but the tears don't spring from there. Maybe it's the exhaustion. Or the indifferent expression Buddha had worn while you bared your heart to him. Or even at the fact that you were arguing in the first place, about something so stupid at that. All three. None of them. In the end, did it really matter?

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, I'm overreacting. It's just, I'm so- it's too-"

"Stop." Secure. You'd forgotten how good it felt to be in his arms. His embrace is so warm, and your nose is full of the sweet scent of candy that wafted from him.

You wish you could find the strength to hug him back.

"Don't say sorry, you're not overreacting, and never, ever, let me hear you say I don't care about you again."

His breath made the hair on your head flutter. Your cries die down in his arms, mere sniffles now, but he doesn't even loosen his grip.

"I've been acting like an asshole lately, and I got mad because I just knew I could NEVER upset you, yet here you are proving me wrong. I took it as an attack. You will never know the extent of my regret, and never know how much deeper it goes knowing you had to scream and cry for me to see how much I fucked up.

"I have no right to ask you for anything, but please, don't think I don't care, because I love you, and you, you mean so much to me..." His expression makes your heart leap.

His eyes, bold and blue, were crystal clear at the moment. Regret shone through, right along with eternal love and adoration. Both, completely and totally for you.

He presses a single chaste kiss to your right ear.

You giggle weakly, elation flooding your senses and making you feel as if you'd overload. Did he really just 'say' what you thought he did...?

He slipped a piece of candy out his pocket, offering it to you. You open wide, and he presses it pass your lips.

"I've got a lot to make up to you. How bout a date?" You nodded, preoccupied with the sweet ball in your mouth. He chuckled, pressing another kiss to your other ear.

"Sweet isn't it?" Hand in hand, he led you toward the door. You didn't think he meant now, but after all the time you've spent with him it should be expected. Another kiss is aimed at your ear, but you cut it off, turning just in time to catch his lips. He pulls back blushing and smiling, eyes alight with love.

"Not as sweet as you, though. Or sneaky, for that matter."

You smirk, and your reply is cut off as the door slams shut behind you.

-------------------

A/N: LOT longer than I intended. Maybe I wanted to show out because I haven't written for him before, and wanted to leave a good impression. Or maybe I just really like Buddha. Who knows??? Either way, this shit exceeded expectations.

ALSO, if Buddha is out of character, that's because all my knowledge of him comes from Tumblr🥰 I haven't read the ror mangas. So advice is accepted and encouraged! As well as other general feedback ofc. Check me on spelling mistakes, have a good day loves!

[mardereads19]

Elriel Month 🌸🦇

Day 5 (Forbidden Love):

Continuation of: Kingslayer

The shadows dropped them off at the backyard of Feyre’s estate. But Elain was still new at this, so she calculated the spot wrong, and they landed on top of a batch of daisies that were just beginning to bloom. “Sorry,” she said.

Azriel didn’t seem to care as he twisted toward her and kissed her, hands coming to cup her face. He was still unbalanced from his time in Koschei’s tent, so he swayed to the side, but she steadied him with gentle hands on his shoulders. He broke away, and cried. It still shocked her, to see him crying.

She cried, too.

Her hands roamed his chest and neck, looking at him helplessly. “I was so frightened. I thought I would lose you.”

“You came for me.” He kissed her again, urgent and desperate. She responded in kind. “You shouldn’t have done that. It was dangerous, Elain.”

“You must be freezing,” she said instead, remembering he had no shirt on.

Cassian cleared his throat. “I think we should tell the others we arrived.”

Azriel searched her face, eyes pained and proud and awed. “I love you.”

Her breath failed her as the night around her stilled. The breeze stopped blowing, the river stopped flowing, the stars shinned brighter, closer, listening. But his heart… his heart beat wildly, loud enough that it was the only thing she heard in the sudden silence.

“I love you, Elain Archeron.” His lips trembled. “I know I shouldn’t, I know I don’t deserve you, but you have owned my heart since the moment I first saw you, holding that fork like you could use it against us the day we met. I just didn’t know it yet.” He swallowed. “But I know it now. I have known it for a long time now. You are the owner of my heart, the light of my life, and the reason why I dream again.”

Elain sobbed, unable to stop herself. She leaned her forehead against his.

“And today, with everything…” He closed his eyes. “I thought I would never get to tell you. That I am yours forever. No matter what, I am yours.”

“I love you,” she whispered back, voice breaking. “I love you, Az.” His wings surrounded her, hugging her closer. Tears streamed down his cheek. “And when I felt you getting hurt, when I though I lost you, I wanted to die.”

“Don’t say that.” He lifted her chin, fear lighting his eyes. “Don’t ever say that again.”

They looked at each other, the words they had finally uttered settling in between them. But that was all the time fate gave them to process it.

They’re coming, the shadows warned in her ear. In Azriel’s, too. He gave her a last look full of love before both of them stepped away, his wings uncurling from around her and hands dropping to their sides. Elain pasted a worried mask over her face, but willed all the shock and love and joy out. It broke her heart to do so. Azriel had already done the same even as his hand brushed hers, and their pinky fingers lacing together.

Cassian’s expression was filled with shock. Shock and… Joy. That was joy as he regarded Azriel and then Elain, as if he couldn’t believe his brother had found happiness. As if when he had seen her kiss Az in that forsaken tent, he hadn’t expected there to be love. This amount of love. But Elain shook his head at him. He couldn’t say anything about it. Cassian frowned.

“Oh, thank the Mother!” Feyre was the first to come out of the house, and Elain let go of Azriel’s finger, battling the urge to cry. She saw a last tear slip down Azriel’s cheek. He was shaking. “They’re here, Rhys! They made it!”

Feyre slammed right into Elain first, hugging her like she hadn’t seen her in years. “You made it!” she sobbed. Then she moved to Azriel, pressing him hard enough that he groaned. “Oh, sorry.” She looked at his torso, and only because the stars in the Night Court shined so brightly, could she observe the tender spot on his ribs where he had been stabbed and weakly healed. “Let’s get you inside, have Madja take a look at that.”

Nesta and Rhysand appeared next, the former chocking on tears when she saw her mate, but Cassian stared at Elain, a question in his eyes.

As Feyre helped Azriel towards the estate, Elain met Cassian’s stare. And he let him see her pain, how much it killed her to keep this quiet, but it was necessary. “Please,” she whispered.

It was clear he didn’t understand. Why they would hide it. Hide something as precious as love. But Nesta ran into him, arms circling his waist, and his attention shifted towards her.

“I felt you dying and I thought—” her eyes snagged on the stains of blood on his armor. Her nostrils flared. His blood.

Cassian pressed her to him, kissing her head. Azriel and Elain forgotten for the moment.

“Elain Archeron,” a silky voice said in front of her. Rhysand. His hands were in his pockets and he looked at her with pride and awe. “How the hell did you do it?”

Beyond him, Feyre had stopped, looking back at them with the same question in her eyes. Azriel did not meet Elain’s gaze.

She focused back on Rhys’s violet eyes and retrieved the object from the shadows around her. “I got us all a present.”

***

It was short lived. The victory, it was short lived.

Elain had to endure a full hour of the inner circle discussing the events and fawning over Azriel while Madja took a look at him. She had to sit through the whole hour without being able to hold his hand. She’d thought, once, that the pain would be less when she knew he loved her as much as she did him. Once they’d said the words to each other. But now it was infinitely worse.

Now she needed him more.

He loved her, but he didn’t look at her once the whole hour. She knew why, of course. If they locked eyes for one second, neither would have been able to resist. Both had been so afraid for the other, and, when they were finally safe, all they’d had were a few seconds. That was it. A few seconds to hold each other and reassure themselves that they were safe, fine, here. And then it was as if he had not been taken by Koschei and she had not risked her life and Cassian’s to safe him.

Rhys had looked very contemplative the whole time, gazing between Az and her, but she could not read a single one of his thoughts on his face.

Amren looked like she knew something Elain didn’t, and Elain caught her staring at Cassian intently a few times. The male glared at her, but he wasn’t hiding his tells. It was clear he knew something that they had not shared.

It didn’t matter. As soon as the hour passed, Elain began to yawn loudly, coming up with an excuse to leave. She was exhausted, she said. She’d see everyone in the morning. And perhaps the not even staring at Az as she walked away was the biggest give away of all, but she couldn’t do it. Tears had already gathered in her eyes by the time she reached the doorway of her room. And once she was inside, she broke down.

“Oh, gods,” she cried as she slid down to the floor, head resting on the edge of her bed. The floor was cold against the thin layer of silk of her skirt, but she didn’t mind. “Thank you,” she said to no one in particular. The cauldron, the Mother, whoever it was that listened to her and watched over Azriel. The darkness he was so afraid of, the shadows, fate.

She needed to take a shower. She needed to undress. She needed to kiss him again. And again. And again.

She sobbed, because she couldn’t do it, fisting her hands on the sheets. Her love had been in danger today, but she couldn’t hold him and kiss him to sleep. She could not be there for him when he went to bed, because now that he had been taken, everyone would be more watchful. They’d take more care. And Elain…

She wiped at her eyes roughly. She wasn’t sure when would it be the next time she held him. When would it be the next time she heard him saying those words to her?