#other Q: Oh you must be Captain Picard (actually calls him by his title because this Q actually knows and sort of respects that for a lot of

[yourbuerokrat2]

Other Q: Hey, I haven’t visited my old friend, who goes by the name of Guinan these days. Maybe I should pay them a visit. 

Q: No.

[tessatechaitea]

Star Trek: The Next Generation: "Encounter at Farpoint"

I'm re-watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on Netflix. Before each episode, to prepare the viewer for what they're about to experience, Netflix gives the show's rating as "TV-MA: sex, fear" and I'm perplexed as to how they think that adequately describes the show. I suppose Tasha Yar fucking Data in the second episode ticks those boxes but otherwise, I don't find myself titillatedly screaming every few minutes. I wish I did but that just has yet to be the case! The first episode is called "Encounter at Farpoint" (which I noted in the title of this post) and it made me wonder if the titles of the episodes of the first series have a theme the way the titles of the first series of the original Star Trek were themed around the names of gay bars. I think these episodes might be the names of sex tapes. Look. I wanted to do an actual review of this pilot episode. I really and truly tried to watch it intellectually and without bias. But all I kept doing was trying to look up Deanna Troi's mini-skirt. It was just an hour and a half of me watching a scene with Q acting like an 18th century ship's captain and me thinking, "Oh! Deanna just shifted in her chair and moved a hand away from her lap! I think maybe I just saw some 24th century lady pants!" And then later when Q has them on trial for a reason that was unclear because I wasn't really listening to him earlier due to trying to see up Deanna Troi's skirt, Deanna squats next to a frozen Tasha Yar and I was all, "Oh my god! She's squatting in the mini-skirt! I'm bound to see a little butt cheek, right?!" Meanwhile, Tasha died or something and Jean-Luc was all, "I guess humans are guilty! Guilty of having great asses and erotic underwear!" Then Deanna stopped squatting and I wiped the sweat from my brow and fought the urge to rewind the episode. Part way through the episode, I confided to the Non-Certified Spouse that I couldn't concentrate due to the Betazoid's movements in the short skirt. She'd earlier commented on how short the skirt was but that was as far as it went for her for some reason. I guess she's not into upskirt erotica. Although she appreciated when I pointed out that Starfleet uniforms were never going to conceal a boner (mostly because I kept thinking about Deanna's skirt situation and what it was doing to my pants region). After I pointed out how I couldn't stop concentrating on Deanna's skirt, the Non-Certified Spouse started to notice how Deanna had to sit with her hands in her lap and, whenever she stood, she'd have to sort of make sure her skirt didn't rise up too high. I was thoroughly disappointed that Martina Sirtis did such a great job of wrangling that skirt to keep her dignity. At one point in the pilot, a male crew member walks by in a short skirt and I suggested the only way they could get Martina Sirtis to wear that short skirt was to put a guy in one and say, "See?! It's not a gender thing!" Of course by the next episode, Deanna Troi is in pants which shows somebody came to their senses. Not that I was happy about that person's frigid senses. And even though they got rid of the skirt, they lowered her neck line about ten inches. I guess her cleavage will distract me from the rest of the series. My favorite part of the episode was where Worf considers shooting the video screen when he feels threatened. Klingons are like cats, aren't they? Do they often distract Worf on the bridge with a laser pointer? "Oh shit! The Klingon's getting aggressive! Data, engage laser pointer!" Although I imagine getting a Klingon to flip the fuck out on the bridge is against Starfleet regulations. I tried to understand Q's motivations in this episode but they were beyond me. That makes sense because Deanna Troi stood up that one time and I'm certain I caught a glimpse of a fleshy lady part and also he's so far beyond human sentience and technology that he's practically Jean-Luc Picard's Great Gazoo. The way I remember it, Q exists outside of time. So while this encounter is Picard's first encounter with Q, Q has probably already experienced other interactions with Picard (possibly all of them at once? Is that how it would work?). Q understands this is Picard's first time meeting him so he keeps up the act. But it feel's like Q is teasing his big crush. Q totally wants to fuck Picard and part of me is glad my memory sucks so I can revel in the sexual tension of their Diane/Sam, Maddie/David will they/won't they relationship! Hell, since Q exists outside of linear time, maybe they've already fucked and Q is remembering/anticipating that first time Picard's blood-engorged penis shows through the Starfleet uniform! This episode, we learn that Beverly Crusher is a MILF, Commander Riker has a weird, lizard-shaped head (probably due to the terrible haircut), Tasha Yar can't stop comparing everything to Rape Gangs, Worf might be mentally disabled, Data needs moisturizer, Geordi is in constant physical pain due to his shoddy third-party visor, Deanna Troi has no visible panty lines, Jean-Luc Picard hates children, and Wesley Crusher has the worst style of the 24th Century. Maybe we don't learn that about Wesley this soon but I can't stop picturing that awful fucking ruffly over-sized sweater he wears in upcoming episodes. I think we also learn that casting hadn't gotten around to finding an actor to play the Chief Engineer. DeForest Kelley makes a guest appearance as a 127 year old who thinks he's Foghorn Leghorn. He must have owed Gene Roddenberry one more episode on his old Star Trek contract because I can't imagine any other reason for that scene being in the episode. Eventually, Jean-Luc Picard proves that humans aren't as savage as they used to be and Q is all, "Oh, darn! I guess I'll just have to torment you again during Sweeps Week! Ta-ta!" I don't remember how Jean-Luc proves it because of Deanna Troi's uniform but I think it had something to do with two enormous space squids finally being able to fuck again. And they do it right on camera! It was both titillating and scary!