#orion is actually growing on me...

[kozzax]

Realizing just now that the Twin Paragons are Lemon Boy coded. I'm so abnormal about this. I love Lemon Boy coding in character dynamics and these two are SOOOOO Lemon Boy coded.

[metalomagnetic]

Missing scene from 'It runs in the blood'

It takes place after Arcturus' death, but before Helix is born.

This was not supposed to ever be published, but people on discord convinced me, so forgive me if it's a bit rough! Just a fun little scene with the kids.

***

“Father?” Orion comes barreling into the office, and the rest trail after him.

“Knock, first,” Sirius reminds him.

“Yes, Draco. Knock.” Lucius fixes Draco with a stern look.

“Alright,” both boys agree, but judging by their tone, they don’t take it seriously.

“I tried to stop them,” Harry offers, but his grin suggests otherwise.

“Father,” Orion goes on. “When you die, I’ll get all the gold and the houses, right?”

Lucius chokes on his firewhiskey.

Sirius blinks. “Where is this coming from?”

“Daddy!” Marvolo looks so upset. “Orion says I’ll be poor! That I won’t get anything, because I’m just the spare.”

Lucius is trying hard not to laugh beside Sirius.

“What is going on?”

“I’m picking a husband,” Elara explains. “And I want to marry the rich one.”

“That’s me, not Marvolo,” Orion shouts. “Tell her, Father!”

Sirius opens his mouth, closes it again, then glares at Lucius, who starts laughing. 

“That’s why Malfoys stop at one son,” he whispers.

“You didn’t even want to play with her,” Sirius reminds his sons. Just an hour earlier, they were all having tantrums that they don’t want to pay with the girls.

“Well, no, but if we are forced to play, then I’ll be the husband, obviously,” Orion says. “It’s the most important position in the game, so I’ll have it.”

“No, stupid, the bride is the most important,” Elara tells him, rolling her eyes. “It’s my big day, I’m the most important.”

"Why don’t you go ask Astrid, yeah? She’ll sort you out,” Sirius says, trying to shoo them away.

“She doesn't know about gold,” Orion dismisses the idea. “So, tell her I’m the richest one.”

“I’m the richest one,” Draco intervenes. “When Father dies, I’ll be richer than Orion.”

“That’s lovely, Draco,” Lucius says.

Draco shrugs. “And,” he adds, looking at Elara. “I’m also the oldest. And the tallest. You should marry me.”

“Just you wait, Draco! I’ll grow up taller!” Orion hisses, enraged. 

“I’m already rich,” Harry points out. “I don’t have to wait for anyone to die. I already own my vault, right, Sirius?”

“That’s right,” Sirius agrees. 

“Father, why does Harry already have a vault?” Draco whines. “That’s not fair!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Orion snaps. “I’ll be Head of house Black, that trumps everything.”

All the boys start fighting.

“I am the Head of House Black,” Sirius says, loudly. “I’m the tallest, the oldest, and the richest-”

“Actually,” Lucius says. “I’m the oldest and the richest.”

Elara glances between them. “Are you?”

“I am,” Lucius assures her, with a smile.

“Hmm.” She tilts her head, but then she shrugs. “You’re not a Black, though.”

Lucius rolls his eyes, mutters something about incest.

“So,” she adds, turning to Sirius. “You’re right, Uncle. You’re the best choice- I’ll marry you.”

“NO! ME!” Orion stomps his foot on the ground.

“I’m flattered,” Sirius says, “but I’m already married, sweetheart.”

Elara waves it away. “It’s only pretend wedding. For the day. I’m only doing it so my new husband can buy me a wedding gift. And I bet you can buy more stuff than Orion and the rest. It’s settled. I’ll marry you. Come, we’ll have the ceremony and then you can give me the gifts.”

“Wait, wait!” Lucius says. “You need to negotiate first. Make sure you get a good deal.”

“Oh,” Elara falls pensive. “But I don’t know how to do that- contracts. And Daddy is at work-”

“I’ll help you,” Lucius offers.

“Fine. Uncle Sirius, I want one Abraxan pony, three dresses, and a baby dragon. Oh and two dolls! One of those new ones we saw in Rome, that can talk!”

“How about ten dolls, and six dresses, but you drop the dragon and the pony?” Sirius suggests, lifting her into his arms.

“Alright,” she agrees.

“And that is why you should never get married without your father’s approval,” Lucius says. “Sirius is ripping you off.”

“Regina,” Orion yells, when they all reach the living room. “Regina, I’ll marry you. Father stole Elara.”

“I don’t want to get married,” Regina says. “It’s Elara’s wedding, not mine!”

“You’ll get dolls out of it,” Orion says, impatient. “Here.” He takes off his necklace and gives it to Regina. “I’m sure it’s expensive, at least it would buy you a doll.”

“Fine, then,” Regina agrees, tossing her red hair over her shoulder.

“Found a husband,” Elara announces from Sirius’ arms. “Don’t worry, Astrid, I’ll give him back after he gives me the gifts.”

“I thought the plan was to get one of the boys,” Evy says with a laugh.

“Someone,” Sirius glares at Narcissa, “taught her she has to pick the richest.”

“You picked badly, in that case,” Narcissa says, shamelessly. “Lucius is the richest, Elara.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

“Sirius, language!”

“Apparently, I am worth nothing because I’m not a Black,” Lucius says, sitting beside his wife.

“Then you should have picked Draco,” Narcissa admonishes, when Sirius hands Elara over, so she can have her dress charmed. “He’s part Black and he will be very rich, indeed.”

“I’ll marry Draco next year,” Elara decides, trying to twist her hair around her finger.

Orion makes an infuriating sound.

“What?” Elara glares at him. “You picked Regina!”

“Alright,” Sirius says, loudly, when another fight is about to start. “Who is going to be my best man? Harry?”

“Yes, please!”

“Marvolo, you are mine,” Orion orders.

“No way! You told me you’ll disown me and I’ll have to live under a bridge when you’ll be Head of House.”

“You told him that?” Sirius smacks Orion over the head. “You are going to get it, boy!”

“Not now, Sirius,” Regina begs. “I want to get my dolls, so after the wedding, please.”

Eventually, after Elara gets her play wedding and she makes Sirius dance with her, and then all the boys, too, everyone calms down, though Orion is still snappy with Marvolo for a while. Harry intervenes between them often, trying to placate them both.

“You best be nice and quiet,” he tells the baby, a hand over Astrid's stomach. The baby kicks. “Please, be good. I can’t take another crazy one.”

When Regulus finally returns from the Ministry, all the children have calmed down, and Evy already took her little demons back to their home.

“I got married,” Elara says, running to Regulus. “My gifts are coming tomorrow.”

“Who did you marry?” Regulus asks, letting her climb on his lap.

“Uncle Sirius. He could buy me more dolls than the others.”

Regulus snorts. “You should have consulted me first. I’d have gotten something better than dolls.”

Elara giggles. “It’s fine, next year I’ll marry Draco. You can do the contract thing and get me more stuff, then.”

Eventually, everyone but Regulus retires to bed, and Sirius enjoys the first minutes of silence in what had been a long day, even if he can hear the faint fight Orion is having with Marvolo upstairs.

“Your daughter is a menace,” he informs Regulus.“I pity the poor soul who’ll end up with her.”

Regulus frowns. “Orion can handle her.”

Sirius blinks at him. “What?”

“Well, they are getting married, aren’t they?" Regulus looks surprised that Sirius is surprised. “It’s what grandfather wanted. Everyone knows it. I thought it was settled.”

“Merlin’s cock!” Sirius stands. “You’re all fucking crazy. Stop it with the incest already! And grandfather changed his mind before he died!”

“You’re spending too much time with Lucius; you sound like him!”

“They’re not getting married, don’t be an idiot!”

“Why not?”

“Why not? For- Regulus, they’re kids!”

“Well, not now, obviously. Eventually. Where are you going?”

“Somewhere where I can find sane people!” Sirius snarls at him. “So, a muggle bar!” 

[compact-turtle]

How would all three yans react to having children? Good or bad?

This is actually such a fun prompt and ask! Thank you for sending it in. I'd actually love to write a full post sometime instead of a small little drabble about this! It'd be so much fun imaging one of their daily routines and lives with a family.

Atticus:

-Isn't really that interested in kids unless his darling wants them. At first, he'll try to talk his darling out of it. Gives lists of reasons on why he can't be a dad. Eventually, comes around to it if his darling really wants them.

-He's a strict and stoic father. Makes sure the kids go to bed at a certain time, finish their chores and do their homework. The kids have to be punctual.

-Not a fan of extreme harsh punishments at all. No taking away meals, locking in closets or any of the sorts. Especially, hitting if they don't listen. (His parents used to do it to him which has resulted in a traumatized farmer)

-More type of look at the consequences of your actions. You don't do your homework, then you fail your class. You don't collect eggs from the chicken coop, no eggs for breakfast. You don't feed the dogs, look at them go hungry. (The doggies don't actually go hungry since Atticus secretly feeds them, they're just always begging for food)

-Shows he loves them through his actions instead of words. He'll take them special getaway trips, go bird watching, catch bugs, make presents, etc. He wants his kids to know that he loves them despite his strict behavior. He's trying to break the cycle of generational abuse that came from his parents. It's hard ngl but he makes an effort every day to overcome it.

For readers who imagine pregnancy:

-kisses your belly when you're asleep. Reassures the baby that he'll always take care of them. He would never do it when you're awake since he's nervous you'll deem him as less than manly or "strong".

-Does not let you work on the farm at all!! He hires extra farmhands to replace your usual help. Lectures and scolds you when you try to do anything. Don't you know that an accident could happen any time especially somewhere dangerous like this farm??

-Your safety and the baby's safety are top priority at all times.

-Watches films and tv shows about pregnancy and families. He makes sure to remember all the details so he can be the best father just like on the tv!

-No sexy time at all when pregnant! He's afraid it'll injure the baby. Only complies when his darling coaxes him into it but even then, it took a while.

Orion:

-Hella yea. The only one who's willing to jump on board and be excited for them. Takes the kids out on daily foraging and exploration nearby the home. Teaches them how to jot down information.

-Shows them his notes on all different types of plants, creatures and landscapes. Tells them which things to avoid and how to survive if in contact with dangerous creatures.

-Kids grow an immunity to his terrible cooking. Actually, enjoy it and treat is as an odd delicacy to be savored.

-The children are taught both languages. Darling's for communicating with other members of the species but his in case they need to talk, and others are listening in.

-Reminds the kids how much he adores them and their mother every day. Tells them tales about his home world and adventures with their mother.

-However, his favorite story to tell is about how their mother heroically saved him from death and starvation. Sometimes he embellishes details like

"Oh, your mother also fell in love at first sight with me. They were just too shy to admit it, but I could tell."

-The real question though, are human species able to get darling's species pregnant???

For readers who imagine pregnancy:

-Does darling get pregnant like a human? Orion will have to find out. However, I imagine the way of getting pregnant to be similar, but they don't give birth. Instead, an egg like thing forms within their reproductive system and they push out something similar to an egg.

-The egg would hatch within two months after growing to full term.

-Orion has built a nest for the egg and watches it every night. Proudly tells the egg about all the adventures they'll go on as family.

-Darling insists that Orion doesn't need to baby the egg since the shell is quite strong. Still, he doesn't listen and frets over any small movement from it. Makes little hats and scarves and dresses the egg in it.

-Orion makes sure to take so many notes during this period. What color is the egg? How long before it hatches? How many times does it move in an hour?

-He takes notes in case darling and him decide to have another egg baby. He'll be more prepared second round.

-Enjoys setting the mood up for some sexy time. He feeds you the right food, sets up the small hut just right and everything. Ofc he'll makes sure to cover the baby egg with a blanket. He doesn't want your baby egg to see anything inapposite after all.

Ivar:

-He'd want to wait a few years into marriage. The idea of kids is daunting. He's seen the worse of man and how destructive the world can be. Really nervous about letting kids out into that type of environment. Still, he does desire a family that you'll raise together.

-He's a fun goofy dad. Takes all the stress of the kids when he arrives home. Plays with them, teases them and drains all their energy so you can relax. I'd imagine that Ivar insists that you be a stay-at-home mom while he goes to work.

-Listens to his kid's problems from boyfriend issues to " I can't believe they cancelled my show". Actively enjoys listening to his kids talk about anything and everything.

-Signs his kids up for self-defense classes. He's aware that there's so many dangers in the world and he can't always be there to help. They've got to be prepared for anything that could happen.

-Supports his kids in all their activities. Shows up to every single game, recital, spelling bee, etc. Whatever it maybe, he'll be there. Wants them to know he cares about them and their interests.

-Doesn't really enjoy mentioning stories from his time at war to them. He's afraid it'll corrupt their world view and he want them to live a peaceful life :(

For readers who imagine pregancy:

-Ivar reads up on all those mom-blogs and pregnancy books. Puts headphones on your belly so your baby can listen to Mozart. Does it actually do anything? Idk the mom blog says it stimulates baby growth or something like that.

-You have a strong craving at 1 in the morning? He's on the case to get it for you. If he can't find it any stores, then he'll drive over to the next few towns to get it. He's so determined to find it.

-loves decorating the baby's nursery. He'll put up decorations and different decals for the baby. Also enjoys building things for it such as dresser and the crib.

-Also doesn't let you by yourself. You want to talk a walk around the neighborhood by yourself? Nope. He's right there holding your hand or pushing you in a wheelchair.

-loves to initiate sexy time with you. During his mom blog reading, he read that it was a great past time while pregnant. Plus, he loves you no matter what you look like even if you're insecure about your changing body.

[midnightstargazer]

In OotP, when Regulus is first mentioned, this is how he's introduced:

"He was younger than me," said Sirius, "and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded."

The juxtaposition of those two things - younger and a better son - stands out because the Blacks are such an old-fashioned family. Sirius and Regulus seem like a typical "heir and a spare" situation, so for the spare to be a "better son" than the heir is a big deal.

In DH, when Harry visits the top floor of Grimmauld Place, one thing he notices is that Sirius had the larger bedroom. To me, this suggests that, at least when they were young children, their parents showed more favoritism to Sirius. He was, after all, the oldest and the heir. Given that Bellatrix and Walburga didn't have quiet, passive temperaments either, I doubt his personality would be seen as a problem until he ended up in Gryffindor, befriending the wrong people and rejecting everything the family stood for.

Regulus's more dutiful and obedient attitude was no doubt something they appreciated once Sirius really started rebelling, and it's easy to imagine them pitting their sons against each other: look at your brother, he's in the right house, he's rarely ever in detention, he's got friends we approve of - why can't you be like him? But still, they didn't disown Sirius until he ran away at sixteen. This suggests to me that any favoritism towards Regulus was, at least at first, an attempt to bring Sirius back into line and get him to behave the way they expected.

Even after Sirius ran away, they kept his room exactly as it was. Even if everything on the walls was attached with a permanent sticking charm, it shouldn't have been too difficult to cover it up. Furniture and personal items could certainly be gotten rid of. The fact that the room was still pretty much untouched tells me they kept holding out hope he might come back.

However, I do think that things would have changed for Regulus after Sirius was Sorted into Gryffindor and after he ran away. In both cases, there would have been more pressure on him to live up to the family's expectations. The impression we're given of Regulus in the books is of someone who didn't really think for himself and was very proud of his conformity. It seems reasonable to me that that would have come from growing up with an older brother who constantly defied their parents and, as a result, had lost their favoritism. And knowing, of course, that their love for him was just as conditional.

(That's not me saying he was forced into anything. I actually don't think Orion and Walburga would have forced either of their sons to join the Death Eaters. But I do think Regulus felt he had something to prove, was taught basically the same ideology at home, and was therefore easier to radicalize. And I think that feeling of having something to prove probably came, at least in part, from watching Sirius go from favorite son and heir to scapegoat to disowned.)

Both brothers, I think, ended up living very different lives than their family would've chosen for them. They would've been expected to marry pure-blood women and have kids, to support the blood purist ideology but not actually risk their lives for it, and either to live off their inherited wealth or to work in relatively safe, prestigious careers. So, in different ways, they both fell short.

I do think there was definitely a scapegoat and golden child dynamic, but I think it's a bit more complicated than that: changing favoritism through the years as it became more and more obvious that Sirius wouldn't fall into line with the family expectations, first to pit them against each other and then to cut Sirius off and replace him with Regulus.

[lets-try-some-writing]

I swear I would die for a fanfic or writing of Alpha Trion experience with feral bitey Orion who has no respect for his ancient ways or scrolls and like the experience of finding him.

Coming right up my dear anon! I may have messed with your prompt just a little bit. Sorry for how short this is.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Orion Pax." Alpha Trion put down his quill with a sigh as he looked over his shoulder. The feral monstrosity was at it yet again.

"Primus below, give me strength." He knew exactly what to expect, but it still prompted him to sigh as he looked at the hole in Orion's crib. He had, yet again, bitten his way through the metal bars and clambered his way to freedom. Alpha Trion would need to get a cyber-hound kennel or get a custom crib made from something far more sturdy than whatever the crib was currently made of.

This was the third crib just this stellar cycle.

"Archivists, be on the lookout for Orion Pax. He has escaped his designated space yet again." He sent the message over the private channel used by the Archives. He could almost feel the collective groan of his students as they put down whatever they were doing to find the wayward sparkling traversing the Archives.

He wandered the halls while rubbing his face in exhaustion. Ever since taking in Pax, there had been no peace in his once restful workspace. Orion cried throughout most of his recharge cycle, and barring that, he was plotting yet another escape attempt. It was draining on body and spark alike. Especially when Orion was found chewing on a record dating back to the early Quintesson era.

"Sir, we've located him?" He perked up at the voice coming across his commlink, but he frowned at the almost questioning tone. Was the archivist not sure?

"You do not sound confident." He remarked simply as he strode in the general direction of the archivist's signal.

"Well, we have found him, but he's... in the ceiling?" That was not a good sign. Alpha Trion all but sprinted until he found the archivist and a few others crowded around the base of a huge pillar. It held up the fifth archival level and extended more than sixty feet into the air. Looking up, Alpha Trion wanted to bang his helm against the nearest wall.

"Do we get a ladder?" The question hung in the air as Orion Pax clung to the very top of the pillar, his little clawed digits digging into the metal as he chewed on a datapad. Why he climbed up the pillar and why he was eating a datapad was beyond Alpha Trion. He stopped bothering to ask questions after a certain point.

"Yes, get the ladder." Alpha Trion sighed and died a little inside as, before he knew it, he was teetering precariously on a ladder with the aid of more than a few archivists as he reached out to grab his ward. The feral sparkling purposefully kept scooting around the pillar to avoid his grasp, growing as he did so. Alpha Trion had half the mind to shoot him with a dart gun just to make him loosen up. However, he was not fond of the idea of actually hurting the little monster.

A half groon and more than a few scratches later, Alpha Trion held his screeching ward by the leg upside down as he carefully worked back down the ladder. The archivists vented in relief and one was quick to grab an energon crystal for the screaming sparkling to chew on. The moment Alpha Trion put it in his intake, Orion's optics cycled down and he contented himself by crunching his way through the crystal.

It was a momentary break from what was likely to be a long few cycles of chasing Orion down while a new crib was made.

[grassyhorizon45]

Could you do a fic where y/n has did, but it doubting themselves and convincing themselves they don't have it? Or just more fics with did. I love reading them but I can't find very many

ok.. so this rotted my brain a little and ended up becoming maybe quite long :D srry in advanced for all the DID terms and such :3 pt 2 will come soon I promise.

Help.

part 1 || part 2 || part 3 (soon) Marauders x Y/n but she realises something a little different about herself and the insecurity starts to build.

Warnings: A small bit of yelling, mostly fluff...and a few big words :D

Words: 718

It was subtle at first…

“H-Huh? What do you mean potion class was yesterday?”

“How did I end up here again?”

Then the voices, occasional laughs no one else could hear—

“Siri, I'm h-hearing things again…”

Remus heard from across the room. “Again bunny?”  “That's not good, maybe we should talk to a professor about it?” Sirius suggested.

Y/n refused…… refused to alert the professors of her anomaly, refused to admit it was hindering her ability to function—

Refused to admit it bothered her a lot.

“I told you about the party three times already… What do you mean ‘I never mentioned anything about a party’??!”  James put a hand on Sirius's shoulder at the sight of Y/n tensing up. “Calm down Pads, there's no need to yell. 

Sirius took a deep breath, “I just… d-don't understand, love.” 

……I don't understand either. 

* * *

“I think I found an answer,” Remus said when they were hanging out in the boys’ room one day. 

“An answer?” asked James.  “To Y/n’s sudden… forgetfulness.”

“And the voices?” Y/n couldn't stop herself from blurting.  Remus smiled to himself proudly, “And the voices, bunny.” 

“You found the cause, Moons?” Sirius walked over to the boy whose nose was deep into his book, ruffling Remus’ light brown hair. 

“It's called Dissociative Identity Disorder…” 

“Disso- Wh-What?” Y/n couldn't catch the word. 

“A character in this book has it… He's very detached sometimes and he tends to forget events he and his friends witnessed; so kind of like you, bunny.” 

“D-Detached? D-Do I-?” James nodded at Y/n’s question. “Sometimes, baby.” 

“He talks to himself occasionally too,” Remus added about the character’s description. “The protagonist thinks it's schizophrenia, but the narrator says it's cause of the voices in his head–” 

“Imma stop you there, Moony,” Sirius butt-in as he saw the slight panic growing in Y/n's eyes.  “For one, how do we know if this ‘identity disorder’ thing isn’t something the author made up, and two, if our bunny actually has it. Additionally if so, what do we do about it?”

Sirius made a valid point, yet all Y/n's mind could cling on to was how accurate Remy’s fictional character resembled the things she was experiencing. 

“Baby, you okay?” James put a steady hand around her waist. 

Y/n blinked a few times, bringing herself back to the present. 

“Y-Yeah, I'm good,” she assured her three worried looking boyfriends. “C-Can you write the d-disorder down for me Remy? I think I'll hit the library.” 

“Why don't we pay the library a visit together? I'm down to crack this case,” said Sirius, eager to get started. 

“Sirius Orion Black wanting to visit the library?” James gasped sarcastically. “Never heard of it,” beamed Remus. 

Y/n giggled, “Okay, okay. You guys can come too.” 

* * *

Digging deeper into this so-called ‘Dissociative Identity Disorder’, there were subdiagnoses like OSDD: Other Specified Dissociative Disorder or just amnesia itself could be a possibility. 

Y/n's boyfriends all had their heads wrapped around learning things like multiple personalities, dissociative amnesia, headspace theory, and even causes of DID. 

“I d-don't even have ‘alters’......"

"Guys, it's not so important, we can just let it slide you know…” Y/n mumbled, hating the silence of endless research. 

“Plus Jamie, you have a match against Hufflepuff tomorrow… Shouldn't you practice?” 

“You're right,” James remembered. “I do have a match…” 

Remus shrugged, “Go ahead Prongs, we don't mind.” 

James said a quick thanks before hurrying off. Y/n turned to look at Sirius. The black haired was sprawled on the library table, snoring softly. 

Was never a bookworm that man, unlike Remus. 

“Rem, I think we should leave it,” Y/n said to him as he asked yet another ‘are you experiencing this’ question. 

“We just wanna help you figure this out bunny…” 

“I know… But it's not really a big deal and it's probably just me being forgetful and a touch of sleep deprivation anyways. Look, even Siri’s fast asleep… At least take a break, love?” 

“Alright.” 

It wasn't that Y/n didn't trust her significant others, nor was it really because she was tired. All she wanted was to shut off all possibilities that she could actually be mentally unstable, to make sure she wasn't being a walking ‘waste of time’.

Yet...

She couldn't shake the bugging thought that this whole thing was somehow a facade......

A trick her mind had orchestrated for attention...

...what?

[i-luvsang]

want to kiss you — kim hongjoong

1.2K MILESTONE EVENT ☆ CLOSED gn!reader , fluff, lowkey angst (someone’s pining), best friends to lovers!au , cw : like i said, major pining, truly idiots to lovers, unedited , wc : 0.6K , hEH here you are orion !!! eughhh i’m not the most confident at writing joong so i hope you enjoy !!! love you lots <333 @nebulousbrainsoup

when you told hongjoong you had a question for him, this is not what he expected.

“how do i know if i have a crush on someone?” your tone is genuine and curious, innocent even, and it makes hongjoong’s heart begin to beat fast, like it does when you absentmindedly slip your hand into his.

“uh…,” he struggles to respond, taken aback.

“is that too weird to ask? i just kinda realized i wasn’t really sure… and well… you’ve dated people before, so i thought,” you trail off, suddenly growing a bit shy.

“no! no, it’s not weird,” he jumps to assure you, thinking about the way that, just a little bit, he lives for the way your expression becomes relieved, a small smile finding its way to your lips. his heart lurches again at the utter trust in your eyes, the trust he knows is reserved just for him. somehow, that trust is his saving grace, what makes him yours, while also feeling like everything that damns him to the hell of “friend-zoned.” he wonders who’s on your mind. san, maybe? the two of you have grown close since he introduced you, he recalls.

the soft whisper of a breath leaving your lips, a sound imperceptible to anyone but him, pulls him back to you, to the way he hasn’t actually answered your question.

“well,” he begins, carefully choosing the words for you, “you can’t stop thinking about them, you feel strange when they’re around, and then you want to– why are you looking at me like that?” 

you tilt your head to the side. “like what?”

like i’m the one you can’t stop thinking about, he thinks. “nevermind.”

“well?” you urge him on. “‘then you want to’ what?”

hongjoong clears his throat, trying not to think about what he really wants. about kissing you. “then you want to… well, hold their hand... kiss them.” he stares straight into your eyes as he says this, not even trying to hide it. looking at you like you were looking at him. like he can’t stop thinking about you, like he feels strange when you’re around, like he wants to kiss you.

you’re silent for a moment, taking in his gaze and all of the weight behind it. “why are you looking at me like that?” you echo his words from moments ago.

“because i want to.”

“want to what?”

he almost says it. i want to kiss you, like a mantra, said over and over again in his head. but he can’t do that because what if you didn’t mean that look. what if it isn’t meant for him. what if your gaze of pure want is for someone else.

“yknow, joong, that sounded like you were flirting with me.” and at that he almost bursts, because yes! that’s exactly it. he was flirting with you, but he can’t admit to that. 

and yet, your look continues to say otherwise, and he knows you so well. he knows that your face tells him the truth every single time. he knows that, if that look weren’t for him, it wouldn’t be on your face, not as you gaze into his eyes, not when you added a hint of “tell me you love me” to your voice when you said those words.

he calls your name, soft and firm, as if something is pulling at his voice, something like desperation. “…i have been trying to do that for three years now.”

“flirt with me?”

“yes,” the passion, the pleading in his voice surprises you, but only for a moment, because he is passion and you know that all too well.

“that’s good. because i think i have a crush on you,” you’re breathless as you confess. he almost laughs at that; you’re so goddamn adorable.

“well, that’s good,” he echoes, “because i definitely have a crush on you. and i’d really, really like to kiss you right now.”

[doctorwhoandfairytaillover]

What Makes a Home

Summary: When Sirius Black was still in Hogwarts, there were few places that he could ever feel that he truly belonged. At Hogwarts, with his friends, and a secret place that he held ever so dear. Somewhere he couldn't bring himself to talk about.

Pairing: Sirius x Aunt Reader (PLATONIC)

A/N: I was inspired a lot by the song Find You by Sing Street and listened to it a bunch when writing this story. I think at this point we can all assume that I like making cute stories where characters get to have nice mother like figures.

Growing up for a young Sirius Orion Black was a bit difficult, he was not very fond of the rules of the house of Black, which is why he tended to be on the receiving end of punishment quite often. But there were two places in the whole world that the young Sirius felt that he could freely be himself, Hogwarts and the home of his beloved aunt (Y/N) (L/N) nee Black. A name that was usually said with vitriol if ever spoken at home and avoided when in the company of other wizarding families for formal dinners. 

But despite all that, Sirius loved getting to spend time with his aunt and running over to her place from time to time, even if it was not as often as he would have liked. The boy's rebellious soul felt freedom from the rules of his parents and getting to experience the warmth of being loved by his aunt.

Which is why, with his heavy suitcase in hand, Sirius had made haste to leave Platform 9 ¾ as soon as the train stopped. He said his quick goodbyes to his friends and booked it before his mother and father arrived to take Regulus and himself back home. He knew that they would have heard about his school antics and not been pleased, so with nothing else to lose, he left. 

When he finally arrived at her home was fairly winded and the bouquet that he purchased was a bit worse for wear, but he did not care. With how lovely his aunt was, Sirius knew that she would be pleased at just having the chance to see him. 

Sirius knocked on the door and loudly said. "Auntie! It’s me! Sirius! Please open up!”

The door swung open and there stood the woman of the hour. “My sweet, sweet boy!” she pulled him into a tight hug and pressed numerous kisses onto his ruddy cheeks

Sirius dropped his suitcase and hugged her. He was immediately enveloped by the smell that always made him feel better, a cozy homey scent of chamomile tea, parchment, and ink. 

"I missed you!" He said, hugging her a little tighter and burying his face into her soft sweater.

“Oh! you're getting so tall, stay little for a while longer won't you?” 

Sirius couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face when she stroked his hair. With a grin, he pulled away a little to look at her and said, "Well, it's not something I can stop you know. But for you I’ll try.”

“Come in, come in and give me that suitcase of yours, you must be tired!” She said ushering him through the door.

“Okay.” Sirius obeyed, picking up his suitcase and entering after her. He immediately dropped down on the sofa. “I’m knackered.” He sighed tiredly, tilting his head against the cushions.

“Oh my sweet boy, it's always good to have you here” she said while setting his suitcase off to the side.

“I wish I could stay here forever,” Sirius muttered, closing his eyes. It was cozy here, warm and comforting. He didn't even want to think about returning home.

“Let's not think of that just yet, hopefully I don’t hear from Walburga too soon” she said wiping her hands against her skirt. “I actually have your favorite cookies in the oven right now.”

"Mmm, now you've given me a reason to stay," Sirius hummed in response, opening one eye and looking up at her. "You spoil me too much auntie.”

“I don't spoil you enough!” she said pinching his cheek lovingly.

"Hey!" He protested, wrinkling his nose at her with a laugh. "You really spoil me a lot. I come to you every summer and you feed me non-stop in the time I get to stay with you. I'm afraid I’ll put on weight and won't be able to recognize myself if I keep it up."

“Good! Wards the girls away and I'll keep you to myself” she teased. 

Sirius laughed and rolled his eyes, amused. “You act like a mother more than my real mother! I wouldn’t mind you keeping me all to yourself, you’re my favorite after all.”

She smiled softly, “I would keep you here if I could, if only your mother wasn't such a witch.”

Sirius smiled back, enjoying her caresses and soft voice. However, the mention of his “mother” darkened his mood for a moment. “Don't even mention her... “ He muttered bitterly, turning away and sitting up.

“I know, I know” she said with a sigh. “Just give me a moment and I'll be back with those fresh cookies and a pot of tea”

"Okay." Sirius mumbled. 

When his aunt left, he leaned back against the sofa with a heavy sigh. He really didn't want to think about his mother. Not when here everything was so comfortable, warm and nice. Here he could be himself and not the Black heir.

It took several minutes for his aunt to return. In the meantime, Sirius was staring at the ceiling, tapping his fingers on his leg restlessly.

"Auntie," he spoke up as she walked over to the table, “you’re positive that Father or Mother hasn’t called about me?"

“No, not yet!” She said bringing along her tray of cookies and tea

Surprisingly, this news left a strange feeling in his chest. A little part of him, tucked deep in his heart, always wanted their attention and care. But, on the other hand, he knew he would be better off not seeing them at all. Not while they treated him only as the future Black heir and not as their son.

Sirius looked at her and smiled, "That’s good. I can have all the cookies to myself."

“You'll take some of these to your brother, won't you? I worry when Regulus doesn't come for a visit.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at the mention of his brother and muttered under his breath but still nodded in agreement. He's going to give some of the cookies to Regulus. "But if you worry about him so much, why don't you just tell him personally?"

She sighed and poured him a cup of tea, “He never answers my letters or calls, your mother certainly has her clutches on that boy.”

Sirius grimaced and accepted the cup of tea, wrapping his fingers around it. The warm liquid warmed him, and he took a small sip, “You’re not wrong about that. Mother has her claws in both of us.” He looked at his aunt, his expression slightly bitter. "Why does it seem that she's always hated us more and more over the years?"

“She's always been bitter over the littlest things, she was a real nag growing up” she said. “Try not to take it to heart.”

Sirius chuckled at that description. He could easily imagine his mother being bitter, just like his grandparents, and always finding something to complain about. "Is there a part of her that ever loved us, I wonder? At least Father sometimes acknowledges that we’re children.”

“I wish I knew the answer my sweet boy, but if as her sister, she refuses anything with me, then I wouldn’t know.”

Sirius nodded silently in response, wrapping his fingers tighter around the cup, feeling the warmth and holding it tighter. "Yeah... I hope Regulus is alright. I doubt anything good awaits him at home." He said bitterly and took a large gulp of tea.

“But enough about your mother, how was school this year? Any new friends?”

Sirius visibly brightened up when she changed the topic. He took another sip of tea before enthusiastically answering, "It was pretty cool, honestly. James and Remus are still my favorites, of course. But we found a new friend Peter, he's cool too. It's hard to be with us, though. We always get in trouble," he said with a chuckle, as if being in trouble was something to brag about.

“Not too much trouble I hope,” she teased.

Sirius shrugged, the corners of his lips tugging up in a smile. "Not too much trouble, just a normal amount. James, Remus, and I have gotten detention multiple times this year, and Peter only once. But we've had a lot of fun.” He chuckled again, feeling a pang of mischief in his chest as he mentioned the pranks. He definitely had no plans on telling her about their pranks on Snape.

“That's good, have fun while you're young because you don't want to wind up like your auntie do you?”

Sirius burst out laughing, rolling his eyes a little. He shook his head and said jokingly, “No, no, of course not. I don’t want to grow up to be a lonely old cat lady.”

“Watch yourself boy, it's one cat and two dogs, thank you.”

Sirius grinned like a little kid. He reached out to poke her in the cheek, which he has done since he was younger, and said with a mischievous tone, “Still seems like an old cat lady.”

The skittering of nails against wood caught his attention and in just a moment, his aunt’s corgi ran into the room through the doggy door and jumped up excitedly upon seeing the boy.Sirius laughed, seeing the corgi run up happily to him. He loved animals and dogs were no exception. He leaned down and patted the corgi on the head and scratched his ears, "Hey, buddy!"

The dog barked with excitement, wiggling in joy at seeing Sirius.

Sirius laughed again and scratched the dog's head vigorously, clearly enjoying the pup’s excitement. He looked up at his aunt and joked, “Well, I think the corgi clearly missed me more than you did.”

“Well these old bones of mine aren't going to jump in excitement if that's what you want,” she joked with a sip of tea.

Sirius smirked, he was amused by her comment and the corgi's behavior. "Are you trying to hint that you're an old woman, Auntie?"

“You're the one that called me old, young man” she wagged a finger at him. 

Sirius chuckled and said with a cheeky smile, "It was in a humorous manner, of course. I know you're still full of energy and still a hundred years younger than Dumbledore."

She laughed, “Dumbledore has been hundreds of years old even when I went to Hogwarts.”

Sirius laughed imagining Dumbledore being old already when she was at Hogwarts. He sat up a little, still petting the corgi, and said, "Yeah, he must've been a fossil even then."

The dog barked again, licking Sirius' hand and demanding attention. Sirius smiled and continued to shower the corgi with attention, scratching its head and ears, and even giving it a little rub on the belly. "You know, I'm quite jealous of the corgi," he said with a cheeky tone, looking up at his aunt, "It has all your attention."

A thoughtful look came over her features, “He was actually meant to be yours, you know.”

Sirius looked at her in surprise, the corgi still wiggling in his lap. He thought for a moment before saying in disbelief, “Really? But you’ve had Pudgy for years!”

She smiled sadly, “When you were 5, I hoped your mother would finally set our differences and let me come to your birthday even when I hadn’t received invitations to the previous ones. He was supposed to be your gift, but she said finally responded that time and said I was never allowed to come. Not even over her grave.”

Sirius' expression darkened at her words, the smile disappearing from his face. He could feel the familiar bitterness well up inside him as he listened to her story. The anger at his mother only grew. "I honestly don’t understand her…" he said quietly, his gaze fixed on the corgi. He petted the dog softly, “Why does she hate you so much? You’re her sister, and you’re so much nicer.”

“Married your uncle who was a muggle, remember?” She reminded him gently.

“It’s honestly ridiculous…” Sirius muttered under his breath. He never understood his parents' obsession with blood purity and the importance they placed on it. He looked back up at her with an upset expression, "It doesn’t change the fact that you’re family. She should have let you come on my birthdays or let me visit you more often than I do.”

“She thought I would be a bad influence on you. But I just wish she hadn’t been so bitter. Your uncle would have loved to know you” she said sadly.

"I would have loved to have him in my life too." Sirius muttered quietly, continuing to pet the pup who was still wiggling in his lap. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke up again in a slightly bitter voice, "She didn’t even let us come to his funeral, just because he was a Muggle."

A few tears slipped down her face even as she tried to keep smiling for his sake, “I know he wouldn't have held that against you, he was always so proud that his nephews would be wizards.”

Sirius felt that familiar pang in his chest as he watched her wipe away the falling tears. He had always known she was saddened by his uncle’s death, but he hadn’t realized just how much. He gently put a hand on her knee. "We probably would’ve been his favorite nephews," he said with a half smile, trying to lighten the mood.

She smiles at his comfort, “I actually have something that he asked me to set aside for you and Regulus.”

Sirius' expression was surprised as he listened to her words. He hadn't expected that his uncle would have anything left for him. He was both intrigued and curious, and his gaze became more attentive. "Really?" he asked, his grip on the corgi tightening slightly.

She nodded, “Just give me a moment and I'll go get it”

Sirius nodded and watched as she got up from her seat to go get the things his uncle had left for him and Regulus. He continued to pet the corgi, its soft fur helping to calm his anticipation.

While he waited, Sirius sat in his chair, thoughts swirling in his mind. He wondered what his uncle had left him and what significance it would have. The fact that his uncle had set aside something for him and his brother was unexpected, especially considering his mother’s bitter rejection of his aunt and the family's strict beliefs. Losing the boy’s attention, Pudgy the corgi waddled out of the room. 

“Here... it... is!” she said struggling a little beneath its weight.

Sirius laughed again, standing to help her with the heavy present. He looked down at it, intrigued, "What did Uncle even leave us, anyway?"

“I’m not sure, your uncle was so secretive about this thing. He wanted to be sure you wouldn't open it until you were 14 or mature enough for it.” 

Sirius’ eyebrows raised at her words, his eyes now fixed on the present. It was clear that it was something important. He weighed the box in his hands thoughtfully. "Well, only a few more years until I can finally find out then. What about Regulus? What’s in his?"

“Boy, don't play with me. Your 14th birthday was a few weeks ago and I think you’re mature enough,” she sassed. “And I wouldn’t know about Regulus' gift either, he said they were for the two of you.” 

Sirius' cheeks grew warm and he let out a sheepish chuckle. He wasn’t for much fuss about his birthdays and tended to forget about them. Feeling slightly embarrassed, he rubbed the back of his head and said with an amused tone, "Oh right, I guess I am a year older. It slipped my mind."

“Well, go on” she said encouragingly. “See what he left for you.” 

Sirius looked down at the present in his hands once again, his curiosity now growing. He took a deep breath, the weight of the present felt heavier than any Christmas gift he’d received before. He slowly began to unwrap the packaging, pulling off the paper and revealing the contents of the box.

The wrapping paper was tossed aside, but Sirius eyes were transfixed on what had appeared once it was removed. He stared at the gift in stunned silence for a moment. He didn’t know exactly what he’d been expecting, but it certainly hadn’t been this. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest and his mind whirling. He hadn’t been this speechless in ages.

His jaw dropped as he stared down at the guitar, amp, and leather jacket (his main focus despite the other knick knacks). His mind was in a flurry of thoughts and emotions, but there was one thing he wanted to do more than anything else. He reached into the box, gently pulling out the guitar and running his fingers down its surface. His hands trembled slightly as he held it, his mind already filled with visions of him performing with his friends.

“These were his,” she said softly. 

Sirius looked up at her, his eyes wide and full of wonder. He could never have expected that his uncle would give him something like this. He held the guitar tightly in his hands, his heart filled with gratitude. The knowledge that these gifts had once been a part of his uncle's life made them all the more special to him.

"He loved music so much, didn’t he?" He murmured, still awestruck.

“He loved it,” she said wistfully. “He once came with this guitar to serenade me and my father and sister were furious. How could a muggle come and traipse around the family home?” she laughed fondly.

Sirius chuckled, imagining a much younger version of his uncle playing the guitar and trying to impress his aunt and her family. To most pure-bloods, it would be a major disgrace to bring a muggle anywhere near their family home and yet it sounded like the most romantic, exciting thing in the world to Sirius. "I can only imagine the look on our family's faces.”

“Horrified!” she laughed, “but I loved it and couldn't imagine anyone else but him after that.”

Sirius felt his heart warm slightly as she laughed, the sound filling the room. He could sense the love and adoration she still had for his uncle.

It reminded him once again of the fact that he had lost the opportunity to really know his uncle.

"I wish he'd been around longer." He said quietly, his fingers tracing the strings of the guitar.

“I know, sweet boy” she placed a hand on his in comfort. “But he was sick and in so much pain, he couldn’t keep fighting it.”

Sirius felt her warm hand on his and his heart ached at her words. He knew that his uncle had been ill for a long time before he passed away, but he hadn’t really understood the extent of his pain. He nodded silently, trying to push down the feeling of sadness that was welling up inside him. He swallowed and his voice was hoarse as he quietly replied, “Yeah… I know…"

“But make sure to check the box, I know that he wrote you a letter too” she said confidently about what she remembered.

Sirius looked up at her, his eyes widened slightly. His thoughts were distracted from the sadness for a moment at the mention of his uncle's letter. He reached back into the box and began searching through the items in search of the letter. His fingers finally brushed against a folded piece of paper and he pulled it out, holding it carefully in his hand. He stared down at the letter, his heart beating in his chest. He could see the familiar writing of his uncle's name on the front, but he couldn't bring himself to immediately open and read it.

He looked back up at his aunt, his expression a mixture of trepidation and anticipation. "I'm... I'm not sure I'm ready to open this just yet..." he said quietly, his grip on the letter tightening.

“And that's okay, sweet boy” she said softly. “You can read it whenever you're ready, that letter is for you only.”

Sirius nodded, feeling a weight lifted from his chest. He was grateful for her understanding and the fact that she wasn't pressuring him to open the letter right away. He carefully placed the letter aside and looked back at the guitar and amp. He couldn't resist the urge to hold the guitar again, so he picked it up once more. He strummed a few chords awkwardly, feeling the weight of the instrument in his lap. "I have a feeling I'm going to be spending a lot of time with these..."

“You'll learn eventually and I hope if it isn't too much, would you let me be the first to hear when you can play a full song?” 

Sirius's heart fluttered a little at her request, and he smiled warmly. He was honored that she wanted to be the first one to hear him play. He clutched the guitar in his arms and nodded vigorously. "Of course, Auntie! You'll be the first one to hear me play."

He was determined more than ever to learn how to play the guitar and make his uncle proud, and to express his emotions in music. He could already imagine all the songs he would write, all the pain and love he would pour into them. He looked back at her, his heart full of gratitude. "Thank you… for everything.." He whispered.

“It's my pleasure, sweet boy” she said comfortingly. “I hope you know that.”

Sirius continued to hold the guitar, staring down at it with a mix of wonder and determination. He wanted to become the best guitar player that the world had ever seen, maybe even better than that group his aunt liked, The Beatles.

"I'm going to work hard and learn everything I can," he mumbled, mentally making a plan to practice for hours every day.

“Are you going to want to try on the leather jacket he gave you?” She asked looking into the box again.

Sirius's face lit up at her question. How could he not want to try on a leather jacket? Especially one that had once belonged to his uncle.

He carefully placed the guitar down, then reached over and took up the leather jacket from the box. He held it up, admiring its sleek, cool appearance, and his grin widened.

"This looks awesome... I can't wait to see how it looks on me." he said excitedly, already anticipating how cool he was going to look. He slipped the jacket over his shoulders and zipped it up, taking a step back to look at his reflection in a nearby mirror. 

But it was slightly too big, as his uncle had been a much taller man. Sirius scrutinized his reflection, a hint of disappointment washing over him as the jacket hung a little loose on his frame. He pouted slightly, pulling the edges of the jacket tighter. 

"Yeah... it's a little big," he admitted, looking up at her with slight sheepishness.

She laughed fondly, “Nothing a little spell can't fix, want me to give it a try?” 

Sirius perked up at her words, his disappointment quickly disappearing. He had completely forgotten about the countless spells they could use as wizards. A small, sly smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Yeah, why not.” he chuckled, running his hands over the jacket, feeling the material against his skin.

He closed his eyes for a moment. Her hands came to rest gently on his shoulders and he focused his mind to her next words, as she murmured “Resizamento.” 

He felt a familiar tingly sensation washing over him as the jacket began to shrink and mold to his body, conforming to his form. Sirius eyes fluttered open, and he couldn't help but gasp as he looked at his reflection again in the mirror. The jacket now fit him perfectly, molding to his frame and accentuating his lean body. He spun around, admiring himself from all angles, a feeling of pure elation washing over him. 

"It's perfect..." he breathed, grinning widely.

She hugged him tightly from behind and pressed a kiss to his hair, “He seemed to know it would be.” 

Sirius smiled widely, feeling a burst of affection as his aunt hugged him from behind and kissed his hair. He could practically feel his Uncle's presence in the room, as if he had known that his gifts would fit just right.

He ran his fingers over the material of the jacket once again, a sense of belonging and happiness filling him.

"I'm never going to take it off," he teased, spinning around in her arms to face her.

“You’ll have to at some point, leather is a material that needs to be cared for” she said.

Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically, a small laugh escaping his lips. He knew she was right, of course, but the idea of parting with the jacket for even a moment felt like a small tragedy to him.

"Ugh, I know," he sighed, pretending to pout. "But it's sooo comfortable. I just want to wear it forever."

“Well with a little magic, you probably could” she said nonchalantly.

Sirius's eyes widened with excitement at her words. He hadn't thought about that before. If he cast spells to clean and care for the leather, he probably could wear it indefinitely without wearing it out. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, a mischievous smile on his face.

"Hm... now that's a thought. I could do that, can’t I?”

“Don't you get any ideas mister,” she said playfully.

Sirius put on a look of mock-innocence, fluttering his eyelashes and holding his hands up in defense. 

“Who, me? Get ideas? Never.” He giggled before continuing, “But can you imagine? I’d become known as the wizard who wore a leather jacket every day. I’d be a living legend.”

“As long as it isn't for the worst smelling, then that's all you. Have at it” she said taking a seat.

Sirius feigned shock, bringing a hand to his chest and looking deeply offended. “Worst-smelling? Me? Aunt, you’re underestimating my grooming skills.” He leaned forward, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “I’ll charm the jacket to smell like new and fresh leather every single day. You won't be able to tell the difference.”

She laughed heartily, “Now I know all the girls will swoon with you around, the jacket and guitar are a powerful combination.” 

Sirius smirked, a hint of pride in his expression. He couldn't deny that the thought of making girls swoon was appealing. He was a teenage boy after all.

“You think so…?” He asked, running a hand through his hair with a cocky confidence. “I bet they'll be fighting over me with a guitar and a leather jacket.”

“Well it certainly worked on me back then.” 

Sirius raised an eyebrow, a cheeky grin on his face. “Did it, now? I guess these gifts were quite the winning combination.” He smirked, eyeing her up and down, his tone teasing. “So are you saying you have a weakness for leather jacket-wearing, guitar-playing boys?”

She sat back comfortably, “Well I married the "bad boy", didn't I?”

Sirius let out a loud laugh, throwing his head back. He thought that was a very accurate description of his uncle. He had definitely fit the part of a "bad boy." He ran a hand through his hair again, grinning. 

“Ah yes, I guess you did. And I assume that all of this...” he said, gesturing to his new gifts, “…had something to do with it?”

“Some of it, because despite all appearances, your uncle was a gentleman”

Sirius smiled warmly, his heart filled with a sense of pride and affection. He could imagine his uncle acting like a gentle and courteous gentleman around his aunt, even with his bad boy looks. 

He chuckled slightly, his tone teasing. “A gentleman with a bad boy image... he really was the complete package, wasn’t he? I bet all the girls fell head over heels for him,” Sirius continued, his grin widening. “He probably had them all swooning left and right.”

She shrugged, “I suppose so, but your uncle just always made it a point to make sure I knew that I was the only one for him.”

Sirius's heart melted a little at her words. The devotion and commitment his uncle and aunt had for each other was incredibly romantic, and Sirius couldn’t help but feel a pang of longing for a love like that one day. He let out a soft sigh, looking at her with a mixture of admiration and hope. “He really loved you, didn’t he?”

“Til death did us part,” she said softly.

Sirius felt a lump form in his throat at her words, a bittersweet smile on his face. He knew that his uncle had loved her deeply, that their love had been strong and passionate, right up until the very end. He reached out and took her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

He looked up at her, his gaze intense. “Auntie…” he started, his voice a little hoarse. “Is it okay if I ask you something? Something a little personal?”

“Of course, sweet boy. You know that I try to be as honest as I can with you?”

Sirius nodded, feeling a sense of appreciation wash over him. He knew that she would always be honest with him, and he felt comfortable asking her personal questions. He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before asking, “I... I was wondering... what it was like? You and him, when you first met. What was he like…? How did you know that he was the one…?”

“It was all the little things coming together that let me know he was the one for me,” she said swooning a little at the thought. “But we were young, your age actually when we met by chance.”

Sirius smiled at the dreamy look in her eyes as she recalled their first meeting. He had a feeling he knew what she meant. It wasn’t just one thing, but a combination of things that had drawn her to his uncle. 

“By chance…” he repeated, his voice soft. “Like fate?”

“Don't know what else you could call it, because to think that the bad boy would do all that he could to see a girl he had met only once, it couldn't be anything else but fate“ she said fondly. 

Sirius chuckled softly, shaking his head slightly in disbelief. It sounded like something out of a romance novel. A bad boy seeing a beautiful girl, and then doing everything in his power to get her attention and make her his own.

He smiled warmly. “He really wanted to make sure you were his, didn’t he?”

“Oh yes, I was dressed all prim and proper on our outing as a family and that sneaky scoundrel snuck his name and address into my skirt’s pocket.”

Sirius let out a loud scoff, both amused and surprised at his uncle's sneaky tactics. He could imagine his uncle slipping his details into her pocket when no one was watching, a cheeky smile on his face.

“Sneaky, but effective. I guess he was pretty determined to get your attention,” he said, his tone teasing.

“He certainly had it alright, because I had never met a muggle like him before or ever,” she said honestly.

Sirius chuckled again, imagining his aunt’s confusion and curiosity encountering a muggle for the first time. He could only imagine how different his uncle must have been from the other pure-blood wizards she was familiar with. He leaned back, his tone light hearted, “I bet that must have thrown you off. A muggle boy having that effect on a pure-blood witch.”

“It certainly startled me, because most young wizards wouldn't even talk with me because the family name was intimidating but also because Walburga was meant to be the first choice.”

Sirius's expression softened as she spoke, feeling a pang of sympathy for her. He could understand that family name bringing about some hesitation and intimidation, as the Black family held a lot of status and influence within the wizarding world.

He reached out to take her hand, squeezing it gently. “I bet those wizards were idiots then, not wanting to get to know you because of the family name.”

“For the best really, gave your uncle and edge over the rest” she shrugged. 

He smirked, his tone teasing. “But, I bet that wasn’t the only reason you chose him over the rest. You just couldn’t resist a bad boy in leather, could you?” 

“You think all of the boys with ties and sweater vests could have made me swoon?”

Sirius laughed heartily at the image of stuffy, straight-laced boys in ties and sweater vests trying to make his aunt swoon. It was a comical sight, and he couldn’t imagine her being even remotely interested in them.

He shook his head firmly, a teasing grin on his face. 

“No, definitely not. Those boys would have had no chance against a bad boy in leather. I mean, come on. It’s not even a competition.” He chuckled again, his tone mischievous. “Besides, I think you’ve got a thing for leather-wearing bad boys, don’t you?”

He waggled his eyebrows jokingly, trying to gauge her reaction. He was just teasing, but he wouldn’t be surprised if she actually did have a soft spot for bad boys like his uncle.

“Bad boys tend to be misunderstood young men, and they hold a special place in my heart” she affirmed. 

Sirius felt a warmth spreading through his chest at her words. It was a testament to her kind and understanding nature, that she saw beyond the surface of things and understood people on a deeper level.

He smiled warmly, his tone soft. “Yeah, I guess bad boys are just misunderstood sometimes. They don’t all live up to their reputation, do they? And you can see through that, and still love and care for them despite their flaws.”

“When we learn to look past the appearances, we can have the honor of knowing those worth having in our lives,” she said kindly. 

Sirius nodded, his expression thoughtful. He could sense the wisdom in her words, and he knew that she was speaking from years of experience and insight.

He squeezed her hand again. “You’re right, I guess. It’s important to look past the surface and really get to know someone before making judgments. It helps us understand them and love them for who they truly are, flaws and all.”

She squeezed his hand in return with a smile, “Now, how about you try and play your guitar a bit, while I make us a quick dinner. Okay?”

Sirius felt a surge of excitement at the prospect of trying out his new guitar. He had been itching to play it ever since he unwrapped it and now he had the perfect opportunity. He gave her a quick hug before hopping off the couch and darting into the living room, guitar in hand. As he settled on the couch, guitar in his lap, Sirius began to strum the strings, his fingers plucking at them with a bit of clumsiness. He closed his eyes, a smile on his face as the music filled the space around him. He let the music take him away, his fingers moving over the strings, creating a simple but beautiful melody that echoed throughout the house. He forgot about everything else and lost himself in the moment, feeling free and alive as he played. 

His aunt from the other room hummed along and Sirius smiled to himself as he heard his aunt’s humming to his playing. It was a small moment, but it added to the warm and cozy feeling that filled the house. He continued strumming the guitar, playing with increasing confidence and feeling a sense of accomplishment at the sounds he was creating. Every now and then, he strummed a wrong note, but he didn’t let it bother him, correcting his mistake and carrying on.

Oh yes, moments like these were truly what made it feel like home. 

Which is why he never spoke about it in adulthood, because he lost it.

[pluckyredhead]

I have fallen down a Fourth World rabbit hole (this is @ngoziu's fault) and am now reading everything DC has ever published with these characters, in order, as is my wont, and I have a lot of thoughts and feelings, so I'm going to start dumping them all here. Sorry.

Background if you have no idea what I'm talking about but want to read this post anyway (why?): in 1971, Jack Kirby left Marvel because he couldn't put up with Stan Lee any longer and came to DC, where they were like "Yes you can do anything you want" (this was a lie). He immediately began writing, drawing, and editing an incredibly ambitious epic that stretched over four simultaneously published books: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen (we can mostly ignore this one), New Gods, Mister Miracle, and The Forever People. These books came to be known as Jack Kirby's Fourth World Tetralogy.

The books all center around the war between the utopian planet New Genesis, ruled by the benevolent Highfather, and the dystopian planet Apokalips, ruled by the evil Darkseid. At the heart of the narrative is "The Pact," aka The Cosmic Baby Swap. To ensure a (temporary) truce, Highfather and Darkseid traded sons when said children were very young - so Orion, Darkseid's son, is raised on New Genesis, and Scott Free, Highfather's son, is raised on Apokalips. Neither knows who their real father is until adulthood.

Orion grows up in a utopia, but tormented by his feelings of rage and otherness that he can't explain. Scott is raised in a torture orphanage, because that's just what happens on Apokalips, but eventually he escapes to Earth and becomes the escape artist Mister Miracle. The Cosmic Baby Swap begs what to me is the central question of the Fourth World, which is: what is the nature of good? Which boy will be a hero? The one born to good and raised by evil, or the one born to evil and raised by good?

TRICK QUESTION THEY'RE BOTH HEROES!!! GOOD IS MORE POWERFUL THAN EVIL! LOVE WINS AND FASCISM LOSES! This is so, so important to me and any version of these characters that doesn't understand the really not very complex symbolism here is invalid and kind of embarrassing for the writer (looking at you, Tom King).

Also Scott falls in love with and eventually marries Big Barda, one of Darkseid's fiercest warriors, who was born on Apokalips and raised on Apokalips and chooses good anyway. LOVE WINS AGAIN! BARDA TOPS HER TINY HUSBAND IN THE NAME OF PEACE AND COMPASSION!

Sadly DC canceled New Gods and Forever People after only 11 issues, which kind of killed Kirby's whole vision. Mister Miracle limped along until #18, but as a really pale shadow of itself. So we never really got the full scope of Kirby's original plans.

ANYWAY. That's the background. Now thoughts on the actual comics:

Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen: I love Jimmy, I love Superman, I love the Newsboy Legion, but this book feels very tangential to the whole Fourth World experiment and I think we can safely set it to the side. However, if you love the 90s Superboy series, I recommend dipping into this because it's the source material for a lot of Kon's worldbuilding (Cadmus, Dubbilex, clone Guardian, etc.).

The Forever People (1971): So I originally read all the Jack Kirby Fourth World stuff like...at least 15 years ago, when I was still relatively new to comics, and I'll be honest: I didn't get it. Kirby is sort of an acquired taste, and I didn't really have any context for what he was doing. I understood the metaphors, but I didn't get why people found the work appealing. And Forever People in particular was the book where I was like "Why. What is the point of this" the most.

Rereading it many years later, I find it to be a lot more moving and profound - like, the Happyland issue alone is a knockout. That said, Kirby is, uhhhh...not great at ensemble characterization without Lee, and the Forever People themselves are unforgivably bland. Default Guy! Big Guy! Black Guy! Girl! Kid! Props to Kirby for making it a not all-white group - and for introducing five out of seven of DC's first Black characters in the space of, like, two years - but it would have been nice if he gave them personalities, too.

New Gods (1971): This is Orion's book and the heart of the Fourth World. At its best, it's the pinnacle of "Makes no sense...compels me, though." Like, "Glory Boat?" I don't understand a single thing that happened in that comic but it's so fucking good. I just want to read thousands of words of comics scholars over the past 50 years going "????" in collective confused admiration.

Mister Miracle (1971): This was the book I was most invested in when I read the Fourth World years ago, because I already loved Scott and Barda from JLI, but now I think it's weaker than New Gods and arguably even than Forever People. Kirby doesn't seem as invested in going all in on Big Concepts here, and Scott escaping endless weird deathtraps is only compelling for so long. The later issues, after the other books were canceled and DC made Kirby pivot away from the Apokalips/New Genesis war, are nothing. But Scott and Barda (and Oberon and Shilo) are everything, so I guess it balances out. Anyway Scott clearly already knows a lot about Earth by the time he meets Oberon and Thaddeus Brown, so DC please feel free to hire me to write a Mister Miracle: Year One miniseries about Scott's arrival on Earth, thank you.

Okay, now for the post-Kirby (or really, intra-Kirby) stuff:

Mister Miracle (1977): This picks up the numbering from the Kirby series, running from #19-25, and was written by Steve Englehart and then Steve Gerber, and it sucks so bad. For three reasons, in escalating importance:

Riddled with continuity holes and factual errors that don't match what Kirby established. Himon is shown on New Genesis - how did he get there? Metron is depicted as subservient to Highfather when Kirby showed him as a neutral, independent agent. Etc.

The treatment of non-Scott characters is largely terrible. Oberon is written really condescendingly (Scott's like "Ride on my shoulders like you used to!" even though they definitely did not ever do that before, because Oberon is not a child). When Scott feels guilty that he's not actively fighting the war, Highfather's like "I don't want you to fight because I feel bad that I traded you to Darkseid, let Orion do it" as if that isn't the root of Orion's severe emotional trauma TOO. And worst of all is Barda, who is knocked out and captured in the first issue and spends pretty much the entire rest of the series unconscious, waiting for Scott to rescue her - except for the brief scene where she wakes up brainwashed, requiring Scott to beat the shit out of her. Lovely.

The series is reeeally fixated on the notion that Scott is a god, and extrapolates that to Scott deciding he's the messiah. Now, I'm not going to say that the Fourth World can't be used to explore Christian themes just because Kirby is Jewish, because Kirby was very definitely exploring biblical themes extensively and frankly I don't know enough about the Bible to say whether he was sticking religiously (ha) to the Old Testament. But I do think taking one of the central characters of a Jewish man's magnum opus and making him the messiah is, uh, pushing it. And there's no way to argue he's not a Christian messiah because, uh, he T-poses a lot in this series and Granny also specifically states that if Scott is the messiah, she'll find an anti-Christ to combat him (which...wouldn't that sort of by default be Orion? which just further proves that the idea of a messiah really doesn't work in the Fourth World framework). Anyway it's gross and I hate it.

New Gods (1977): I'm kind of using this as a catchall to cover all of Gerry Conway's New Gods work, which includes the actual 1977 New Gods series (which picks up the numbering from Kirby, so it's #12-19), the conclusion of the story in Adventure Comics, and the Justice League of America crossover with the Fourth World. (Also there's one issue of Super-Team Family where Lightray and Metron team up with the Flash to save Orion, who has grown really really big, but that doesn't fit with the rest of Conway's continuity so I guess we can ignore it.)

Anyway this stuff is not as infuriating as Mister Miracle, but it's also not...good. The central concept is that Darkseid has discovered that the Anti-Life Equation is contained within the brains of six humans, so Highfather sends six New Gods to protect said humans: Orion, Lightray, Metron (he doesn't work for you, Highfather), Forager (also does not work for you), Lonar, and Sensational Character Find of 1977, Jezebelle of the Fiery Eyes (Original Character Do Not Steal).

Mostly this series is frustrating because all the New Gods are wildly incompetent and fail completely at their tasks. Orion is dumbed down to The World's Most Basic Superhero (he has a big O on his chest now!). I spent the whole time yelling "HE CAN'T FLY, GERRY!" at the comics. Forager is lumped in with no mention of that whole thing where...he's a New God who was raised among the Bugs, who are being persecuted by the New Gods? I feel like that should be explained or at least addressed? (Presumably Kirby would have gotten around to it eventually.) Forager also should not be flying but here he does. I guess. Lonar flies too but mostly on his horse, which bothers me less for some reason, I'll accept a flying horse. (Also Lonar's human he's supposed to protect is Inuit and hoo boy is this comic racist. The poor guy wears a fur diaper the whole time and speaks a completely made up language.)

And then there's Jezebelle of the Fiery Eyes. Who is blue, for reasons that are never explained, and wears a bikini and fishnets because it's 1977, and mentions her fiery eyes (heat vision) every time she speaks. She's from Apokalips, but defected to New Genesis during battle. Which, like...I appreciate that Conway recognized that this team should have a female character, but what with Orion, Scott, Barda, and Inexplicably Present Himon, it feels like we have enough characters who have defected from Apokalips in some way? And it's just super weird that the ONLY female characters we have seen from New Genesis are Beautiful Dreamer of the Forever People (trapped in another dimension indefinitely) and Scott's dead mom. Like, what's the implication here? Heaven doesn't have women? Also, I know Conway was going for biblical names to match New Genesis and Izaya (he also introduces a Lucifar), but, like...Jezebelle? JEZEBELLE. Your only female New God and you named her "whore." Amazing.

And with that, we have covered the New Gods in the 70s (minus some Mister Miracle/Batman teamups). Next time: the 80s, and Kirby tries so so hard to kill Orion but DC won't let him.

[in-my-feels-probably]

Sirius x pureblood!reader inspired by ivy by Taylor swift where reader’s parents r extremely against sirius because of his reputation

Ivy

Request: Sirius x pureblood!reader inspired by ivy by Taylor swift where reader’s parents r extremely against sirius because of his reputation

and: sirius black x pureblood!slytherin!reader where they have known each other since they were younger but drifted for obvious reasons. the drift causes resentment in each side which leads to snarky comments and lots of sexual tension in their later hogwarts years lol. eventually they get into an argument or something and the reader insists she is the same person she was when they were younger where as sirius is like no ur an uptight b. anyway this leads to sirius almost challenging her to prove herself to him and so even tho she is freaked out when he shows up outside the slytherin common room one night and says they are sneaking out to see a muggle concert she has no choice but to oblige. it ends up being an amazing night for both of them and they realized the love they had for each other as children truly never died.

Hi! I’m so sorry it took me so long to get to these requests, and I hope it’s alright I combined them. They worked really well together. Ivy is one of my favorites by Taylor, and it was so fun writing this based on that song.

Also, the reader isn’t actually a pureblood, just raised by a pureblood family. It just worked out easier for me to write this that way, hope that’s alright, too. Anyways, thank you again for being patient! I hope you enjoy!

(Warnings: swearing, smoking, mentions of Sirius’s home life, insults, guilt, let me know if i missed anything)

—

How's one to know?

I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones

In a faith-forgotten land

You should have known what you had with Sirius was never going to last. 

Growing up as the daughter of two prominent pureblood wizards in high society, there was certain expectations of you to follow in their footsteps. Except, you weren’t exactly pureblood yourself. You were just a baby when you were orphaned by the beginning of the war, and your parents just so happen to not be able to have children themselves. And—although you were the child of two halfbloods—they thought if they took you in young enough, it wouldn’t really matter. They’d raise you as your own, and you’d be no different than the rest of the pureblood children.

But there were whispers.

They were never confirmed by anyone, but your family could still hear them. Whispers of your true birth—which meant that all your life, you had to be on your best behavior. And that was quite hard to be on when Sirius Black was your best friend. At least, he was your best friend.

You weren’t sure what he was to you now. 

You were very close in your first few years at Hogwarts. Even when you were sorted into Slytherin, he overlooked it. Although he had his opinions, he didn’t look at you any differently—just like you didn’t look at him any differently when he was sorted into Gryffindor. You were always by his side, even when your parents hated it, so what did he have to judge you for? If you could overlook all his flaws and caveats, he would welcome yours.

It was no secret that your parents hated Sirius. While they had a certain respect for Walburga and Orion—who seemed to like you—they just couldn’t stomach Sirius. Regulus, they liked. He was a good boy, and he never got into trouble or brought shame upon his family. 

Sirius was another story. 

But you never cared. You didn’t buy into the blood purity prejudice parade that your parents and their friends tried to sell you. 

But, unlike Sirius, you weren’t so loud about your distaste for it. Despite wanting to stand up to your parents about it, you couldn’t. There was already a lot depending on you, and you were too afraid to disrupt the small sense of normalcy you had in your life. Letting it go was too much change, and you didn’t much like change.

There was a time in Sirius’s life where he found your reserved manner charming. It was one of your cute little traits that made you who you were. 

There was one evening when you received mail from your parents at dinner, and he came over and snatched it out of your hands before you could stop him. He was joking of course, but as he read over it, his face fell.

“This is the third letter in a month your Mother has sent telling you to stay away from me,” he mused, a sad smile on his face. “They really hate me.”

This wasn’t the first time you’d had a conversation like this, and there wasn’t much you could do to ease his pain. All you could do was take his hands in yours, squeezing them tight. 

“I’m sorry, Sirius. They’re set in their ways, there’s nothing I can do to change that. But you know I don’t hate you. I never will. And I’ll never let them stop me from seeing you. You’re my best friend, and I’ll never let them change that. One of these days, I’ll muster up the courage to tell them that to their faces.”

He just shook his head, slinging an arm around your shoulder as he changed the subject. “It’s alright, darling. We’ve got plenty of time to piss off your Mother and mine until we actually need to do something about it.”

But as the war came closer, and it was time to start making bold choices, he grew tired of always waiting for you to speak up. There wasn’t much you could do about it, either. You loved him more than pretty much anyone else in your life, but even that love couldn’t squander the fear you felt when being with him meant breaking too many rules.

Slowly but surely, you started losing your best friend.

Your relationship came to a standstill the first evening back to term after Sirius had spent his second entire summer locked up in his house. He couldn’t see anyone, most definitely not you. Neither of your parents would have allowed it—punishment for Sirius, and a regulation for you.

“You could have owled,” he teased when you found each other after dinner, but you could see the hint of sincerity in his eyes.

“You know my Mother never would have allowed it, and your Mother never would have let you read it even if she did, Sirius.”

He sighed in frustration. “For once, I just wish you’d stand up to her.”

“Is that so?” You asked, pulling him into a corner away from prying eyes. “You know as well as I do why I can’t do that. I told you, one day I’ll figure it out. But you can’t ask me to do it now. I’m not brave like you—”

“You are brave like me. It’s a wonder you weren’t sorted into Gryffindor,” he laughed, but you could see the sadness in his eyes. 

You moved to wrap your arms around his waist, settling your cheek against his chest. You could feel him heave a breath, but he wrapped his arms around your shoulders anyway. You stood in silence together for a moment longer, gently swaying back and forth before you spoke. 

“I’m sick of arguing with you over this,” you murmured into his chest. “I really fucking am.”

Sirius gripped you tighter. He felt like letting you go meant he was doing far more than just physically letting you go. It was more than that—it was letting you leave him. And he wasn’t sure he could stomach that just yet. But he knew…you both did. He’d released his grip a long time ago. Anything now was futile, like grasping for straws. 

Still, he held you tight against him. He would allow himself this. He didn’t have to let you go just yet.

“Me too, love. Me too.”

In from the snow

Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow

Tarnished but so grand

How unfortunate that the time you were most cross with each other was the time you found each other the most attractive.

It was ridiculous, really—how pretty he was.

He grew into himself over the years, confidence quite literally radiating off him. He had some attractive friends too—who were generally friendly with you—but none of them in your opinion held a candle to Sirius. There was just something about him. And while Sirius showed interest in other girls, he just couldn’t seem to shake you. 

By Fifth Year, you were in a quarreling stage of your relationship. 

You’d had many nights like the one you had after dinner, and they hadn’t all been so cordial. There wasn’t two people in the whole of Hogwarts more stubborn than the two of you. And you found many reasons to butt heads like rams. 

It was just who you were to each other now.

No longer best friends, but people who knew too much about each other. People who knew all the right ways to piss the other one off. You know all of each other's likes and dislikes—anything that made the other tick. 

In his absence, you grew more sure of yourself. Less afraid to speak out about things that bothered you, and less afraid to stand up to those who had something to say about you. Recently, Sirius had been trying his luck with you. He couldn’t help himself. Pissing you off and seeing your reaction was like a drug to him, and he was hooked.

“Look at you…practically fuming,” he smirked when he messed with your cauldron in Potions. “It’s kinda hot.”

“So mature, aren’t you?” You snapped, shooing him away from the table. 

He snickered as he walked back to his own work station, and he left you alone for the rest of class. You spent the remaining time trying to fix what he had ruined. By the time the period was over, you were seeing red. Sirius casually strolled out the door behind his friends, and you marched after him in a fury. You grabbed him by the back of his cloak, spinning him around.

“What the fuck is your problem, Black? What did I ever do to you?”

“What did you ever do to me?” He asked sharply, before taking a breath and forcing himself to relax. “When did you get so uptight, love?”

He tried to turn to walk away, but you grabbed his forearm, yanking him back toward you. You held him tight, your fingers making indentations on his skin. He looked down slowly, carefully watching where your body was meeting his. You took a breath, easing your grip once you realized just how close to him you had gotten. His friends carefully watched a few feet away, silent as they waited for Sirius to speak. 

You cleared your throat, running your thumb along his reddened skin before dropping his arm. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to grab you that hard.”

He could barely hear you from how quiet you were speaking. He just shook his head, looking at you with curious eyes. He knew he had overstepped, but was too proud to say anything. So he just shrugged you off, rubbing at his arm.

“You’ve got claws…shame you didn’t use them when I needed them.”

He turned around and left before you could get out another word.

But I don't, I just sit here and wait

Grieving for the living

You weren’t speaking by the time you found out Sirius had run away from home. 

It broke your heart when you found out. You may have been one of the only people in the world who understood what he was going through, down to the exact same rhetoric your parents would use to try and convince you to be good children—and the punishments they’d dole out when you didn’t listen. You felt nothing but guilt, knowing he needed someone to save him…and you weren’t there. 

Instead, he had to save himself. 

But more than anything, you grieved for him. Not for his life, but for the one you could have had with him. When you were kids, you thought you’d be best friends forever. Side by side, always there when the other needed them. 

But now? 

Now he was having to make a new life for himself. He had new best friends by his side, who took better care of him than you ever could have. And you grieved that missed opportunity.

You missed him.

You figured it wouldn’t take much—to take him back into your life. All he had to do was ask, if he even still wanted that. You’d had your share of fighting, and would much rather go back to being strangers. That was much easier than passing him in the halls every day and wishing he was someone else to you.

Clover blooms in the fields

Spring breaks loose, the time is near

What would he do if he found us out?

Crescent moon, coast is clear

Spring breaks loose, but so does fear

He's gonna burn this house to the ground

You had one night separating all those days of fighting.

You weren’t even sure how it happened. You’d had a particularly bad day, and you weren’t in the mood for your regularly scheduled spat with Sirius. You’d skipped all of your classes you had with him, and he of course had taken notice.

He found you down by the Black Lake, where you’d go to get some peace and quiet. You could hear the leaves crunching under his boots, turning around to see him coming down the hill. You sighed, putting your head in your hands. 

“Not in the mood today, Sirius,” you said over your shoulder. “Go home…please.”

He shook his head, coming to sit down next to you. “No—no, I don’t think I will.”

You didn’t have it in you to fight with him. Clearly, he had noticed your absence. That was something, wasn’t it? It was quiet for a moment as you watched the water from the lake lap onto the shore, before you felt a warm hand on your knee. You looked over to see Sirius gazing down at you, a mild look of concern on his face. 

“Not gonna fight me for sitting down? Not gonna shove my hand off your knee?”

You shrugged, shaking your head. “You can do whatever you want with your hands. I don’t care.”

Sirius smiled to himself, knocking his shoulder with yours. He didn’t move his hand, instead tracing his thumb absentmindedly back and forth along the curve of your knee as he spoke.

“You weren’t in class. It’s not like you to break the rules—”

“I break plenty of rules,” you snapped, feeling your skin heat underneath his palm. “But how would you know? You barely talk to me anymore.”

He let out a laugh, a giddy feeling spreading in his chest. “I know you well enough, Y/N. And I know you don’t break the rules. Too uptight, maybe.”

“Or too scared,” you retorted, slapping his hand. “But you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”

He let out a laugh, slinging an arm around your shoulder. “Merlin, you really are a bitch.”

“Takes one to know one,” you said without hesitation.

Sirius seemed surprise for a moment, not expecting your retort. But after a moment—in his usual fashion—he grinned at your snark, turning to face the shoreline. You turned as well, watching the light glisten on the water as the sun began to set behind the trees. With Sirius so close to you, you couldn’t help but ponder the life you had once had with him. It wasn’t that long ago that you’d find yourself shoulder to shoulder with him, trying to choke down the butterflies in your throat as his skin brushed yours.

“Do you remember when we were kids?” You finally managed to say, letting out a breath. “When we were little, and you owled me after your Mother had punished you? It was the first summer she wouldn’t let you leave Grimmauld Place.”

Sirius stiffened next to you, clenching his jaw. But after a moment, he gave you a slight nod of acknowledgement.

“I had barely learned how to use the Floo on my own, but I knew it was my only way to get to you. I managed to sneak out before my parents found out, and I came to you as quickly as I could. I found you out in the gardens behind the house. Do you remember what you said to me?”

It took him a long while to speak. He didn’t dare look at you, keeping his eyes on the lake as you waited for him to speak.

“The ivy grows thick here,” he finally said, the slightest waver in his voice. “Mother can’t find us.”

You nodded, brushing your knee against his. “That’s right. I sat with you in that garden all night. And, Merlin, I was scared out of my mind. I knew I was in for a world of trouble when I got back home to my parents, but I didn’t care. That didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was you. I came for you…I always came for you.”

You suddenly felt a burning anger brewing in your chest, and you pushed Sirius away. You quickly stood up, leaving him bewildered in the grass next to you. He followed you up, managing to catch your wrist before you could march back up the hill.

“Calm down!” He shouted, his grip unrelenting. “What’s happening? What’s wrong?”

You scoffed, a dark chuckle pulled from your chest. “You wanna know why I wasn’t in class? Because I didn’t want to see you.” 

Sirius stuttered, unable to form a response. He watched as angry tears clouded your eyes, but you quickly wiped them with the heels of your palms before they could fall. You took a grounding breath, watching him stare helplessly back at you.

“There it is…that’s the look. I didn’t want to see those eyes staring back at me, looking at me like I’m the one who changed. Like I’m the one who suddenly decided to abandon you and choose the wrong side. I never did that, Sirius. Why do you treat me like I did? I’ve always tried so hard to be a good friend to you, even when it would get me nowhere good. You’re the one who changed, not me. And you can’t handle the fact that I’m not like you—that I can’t bring myself to be as bold as you.”

He shook his head as he stepped closer, his voice assertive and stern. “I never said that—”

“You didn’t have to!” You spat, ripping your arm out of his hold. “That look in your eye is enough.”

You turned away, running your hand down your face. Grief and anguish bubbled in your throat, burning your esophagus as you choked down a sob. You wouldn’t cry in front of him. He didn’t deserve your tears. It was quiet for a moment, the only sound coming from the lapping of the Black Lake and the ragged breaths coming from you both. You turned back to him, ignoring the ache in your chest when you saw his pained expression. He was standing so still—like if either of you moved, you’d both crumble, and there’d be no one left to pick up the pieces to put you back together. 

“I’m still me, Sirius,” you managed to say, your voice sincere. “Why can’t you see that?”

Sirius looked at you for a long while. You shifted under his gaze, debating bolting up the hill before he could catch you. But then, he stepped closer. He gently reached up, running his thumb along your cheek. You sharply inhaled, waiting for him to speak. His voice was soft—forgiving.

“I’ll believe it when I see it…all you have to do is show me.”

He pressed a chaste kiss to the top of your head, quickly walking back up the hill before you could even get your feet to move.

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows

You didn’t see Sirius the entire weekend. 

Granted, you mostly stuck to your dorm, but you didn’t even see him at meals. He was either sneaking food, or waiting for you to leave until he sat down for his dinner. You almost could have thanked him for it. 

It was an indescribable feeling—thinking about Sirius.

Your night at the lake had certainly given you a lot to think about, and it often overwhelmed you. You tried your best to distract yourself, never letting your thoughts of him creep in for too long. Sirius—in usual Sirius fashion—eventually forced you to confront him, at least once he finally forced himself to confront you first.

You were by the window in one of your secret hideouts when an owl came to the window with a note in its grip. You raised a brow in confusion, plucking it from the bird and watching as he flew back into the night sky. How did anyone know where you were, or how to find you? You immediately recognized the handwriting as you unraveled the small piece of parchment, almost in disbelief as you read the words. 

It read,

Y/N,

I’m starting to believe you…but it’s time you showed me. Prove me wrong, darling. I very much want to be wrong. Meet me in the corridor in front of your Common Room in ten minutes, and don’t let anyone else see you. You say you always come to me—so come. Please.

Yours,

Sirius

You chuckled to yourself in disbelief. He was so formal, even doing something as simple as sending a note. That was just part of his upbringing, you supposed. He never did anything without a little style. You shook your head, crumpling the note and shoving it into your pocket as you stood up. The Slytherin Common Room was at least a ten minute walk from your hideout, and you figured Sirius had already started walking to meet you there. 

You wasted an entire minute with your feet planted on the floor before you finally forced yourself to move—and then you were really moving. What am I doing? What am I doing, what am I doing, what am I doing, you thought to yourself. You couldn’t shake the question, thinking it the rest of the way to the corridor when you turned the corner, running straight into Sirius’s chest.

“Shit,” you mumbled, steadying yourself by holding onto the wall.

Sirius grinned, reaching a hand out to steady you. “What took you so long? I was beginning to think you’d stood me up.”

“I don’t see why we had to meet out here,” you said, motioning around to the dungeons. “You knew where I was—and I won’t ask you how you knew that, although it’s a bit concerning. But you knew where I was, so why not just come to me? Or ask me to come to you?”

He shrugged, looking around. “Maybe I wanted to see what your life is like down here. Maybe I wanted to see what mine could have been.”

You nearly laughed. Sirius had come from all the way up in the mighty Gryffindor Tower to the depths of the castle to see you, all the way down in the dungeons where the Slytherin Common Room resided. The very air was colder, the Black Lake seeming to loom over the windows. 

You watched as he looked around, leaning against the wall yourself. “Is that important to you—me being down here? Why I’m down here, and why you’re not?”

Sirius tore his gaze from the castle walls to look at you, his face contemplative. He spoke after a short while, his voice soft. 

“No,” he finally decided, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I thought it was, but now it seems…minuscule.”

You smiled to yourself. “Big word, Sirius. Did your fancy education teach you that one? You know—the same one I had?”

He chuckled, watching you with curious eyes. Finally, he pulled his hand out of his pocket, along with two pieces of paper. He held them out for you to take. 

“My cousin Andromeda got these for me,” he grinned as you read over them. “She can’t use them anymore, and she figured I would want to. David Bowie is coming to London tonight. He’s a muggle musician—”

You snickered, nodding. “I know who he is, Sirius. You forget which one of us isn’t actually a pureblood. I know my parents don’t let me do much, but I do know some things. Like how Bowie is actually a wizard, but chooses not to practice.”

Sirius’s eyes widened. “What? How do you know that?”

“Remus told me,” you shrugged, laughing when his eyes opened even wider. “I have Charms with him. He’s smart, he knows things. I figured I’d have the best chance making it through the class with him close by. I do actually talk to people in your House other than you, you know. Is that so surprising?”

“He’s never mentioned you,” he murmured, looking a little bewildered.

“So? Are you jealous?” You joked, but by the way the corner of his mouth quirked, you were beginning to think he actually was. “Enough small talk, then. Why are you here, Sirius? What do you want?”

Sirius seemed to snap back into himself, his grin returning as you passed him back the tickets. He slid them in his pocket, turning his attention back to you. 

“You’re coming with me.”

It was your turn to look bewildered. You stuttered, shaking your head frantically as his grin widened. He was enjoying watching you squirm, that much was clear.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Oh, come on, darling—live a little,” he mused, throwing an arm around your shoulders. “You have nothing to worry about, I’ve got it all taken care of. You just have to come with me.”

“And why would I do that?” You asked, shrugging his arm off your shoulders.

Sirius’s grin widened. “Because—you have to. You can’t say no.”

You shook your head, scoffing. “Why not?”

Sirius sighed, stepping closer and placing both his hands on your shoulders. He held you steady, looking you in the eye as he spoke. 

“I want to be wrong about you, I really do. I won’t lie and say I haven’t missed you, because I have. I really have. We used to get in so much trouble together. And, lucky for you, I’ve pretty much perfected the art of evading trouble. Really, I’ve got quite the knack for it.”

“I’m waiting for the point, Sirius,” you said, looking towards the Common Room door. “I’m tired, and you’re making me stand out here in the cold.”

“It’s not my fault it’s dark and dingy down here,” he mused, jumping back and laughing when you tried and failed to swat at his arm. 

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a modified map of the Hogwarts grounds. He turned away from you as he murmured something you couldn’t quite catch, turning back around to show you the now open map. Your eyes widened as you watched pieces of the map move on the page, unable to stifle your shock when you found both your names printed just in front of the Slytherin Common Room door.

“What—what is this?”

“I’m putting a lot of trust in you here, so don’t tell Remus or James that I showed you this,” he said, taking the map from your hands. “But this is our map. It’s enchanted, clearly. We’ve been working on it for years. It shows us every secret passageway we’ve found to get in and out of Hogwarts, and it tells us where everyone is so we never get caught if someone is coming. It’s how I found you tonight.”

“Invasion of privacy, don’t you think?” You asked, but you were too enamored by the map to really care.

You heard him chuckle, looking up to see him grinning at you. “Don’t flatter yourself, darling. This is the first time I’ve looked for you on it. You’re not that interesting.”

You glared up at him, placing your hands on your hips. “You’ve got twenty seconds and I’m going inside. And I’ll let you know in the morning whether or not I’m going to hex you for this.”

Sirius smiled, looking at you with a glint in his eye you hadn’t seen in a long while—at least directed at you. There was a feeling so distant but familiar brewing in his chest, and he pushed you one last time to listen to him. He had to try.

“There’s that fire in you. It’s time to use it. You say you haven’t changed? You say you’re still the same girl I’ve always known? Prove it. You say you always come for me? Then come. I’ve got the map, and I can get us out of the castle to the concert and back without anyone even noticing we were gone. All you have to do is come with me. Trust me, just this once. And I’ll get on my hands and knees and beg for your forgiveness if you show me the girl I knew isn’t truly gone. Come with me, and I promise I’ll make it up to you—for however long it takes. I’ll change.”

He reached for your hands, taking them in his. You let out a sharp breath, but you didn’t pull away as he looked at you with soft eyes.

“Or…you can go through that door and up to your room, and I’ll leave you alone. No more teasing, no more snarky remarks, no more late night talks—nothing. This’ll be it. I won’t come find you…I’ll let you go.”

You could feel your chest tighten as he spoke. It sounded so final, and it was making your head spin. The thought of Sirius truly leaving you alone and never talking to you again made you want to crawl into a pit and never come out. 

You couldn’t quite tell why.

You’d done nothing the last few months but argue and bicker, always bitter over the choices the other was making. It was clear to anyone on the outside watching you both that you hadn’t been the same for a long time. In a way, Sirius was right—you had changed. For the better? That was up for you to decide. But he had changed, too. And you were starting to think you had been wrong about him. Maybe he had changed for the better, and he was trying to show you.

“But know that I don’t want that,” he murmured as he squeezed your hands, pulling you from your thoughts. “Not at all. I want you back. I want you to come with me. Just say you will. Please.”

It was now or never. He watched with a look of hope on his face as you opened and closed your mouth a few times, struggling to find the right words to say.

Finally, you let out a breath, squeezing his hands. “Okay…okay, I’m in. Let’s go.”

Sirius couldn’t have grinned wider. It actually looked like it hurt, how hard he was smiling. The little laugh he let out was infectious, and you couldn’t help but smile, too. 

He squeezed your hand in his, and whisked you off down the corridor before you had the chance to protest.

So yeah, it's a fire

It's a goddamn blaze in the dark

And you started it

You started it

So yeah, it's a war

It's the goddamn fight of my life

And you started it

You started it

After a very confusing path of twists and turns, a couple Floo’s, and a very sketchy bus you had to sneak your way onto, you found yourself standing shoulder to shoulder with Sirius in a large crowd of people, waiting for the concert to start. It was loud and chaotic, a cloud of smoke hanging in the air. Sirius—of course—was adding to it, a cigarette in his hand. 

You looked around, a feeling of unease settling in your stomach. There was so many people. So many strangers, and it was all a bit overwhelming. 

Not only that, you couldn’t shake the feeling that at any second, someone was going to find you and bust you. Someone was going to tell your parents that you had snuck out of school—with Sirius of all people—and you were going to face the punishment of a lifetime. Someone was going to spread the word that you were out with the most popular blood traitor in the country, and you were going to put both him and you at risk, all because you couldn’t let him let you go. 

Sirius must have noticed your look of concern, because he nudged you in the side, bending down to you ear so you could hear him. “What is it, love? Nervous?”

“No,” you shook your head, though you knew you weren’t convincing anyone with that look on your face. “It’s just—really crowded in here. And loud.”

Sirius nodded, giving you a warm smile. You were being so brave. It made his chest flutter, and he didn’t quite know what to do with that feeling. He pulled you toward him and placed you in front of him, letting his arms wrap around your shoulders. Your back was to his chest, a comforting warmth coming off him.

“This alright?” He asked, running his thumb along your arm.

You nodded, smiling to yourself. You didn’t have much time to sit in the feeling, because the house lights went down, and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. You could feel Sirius shaking with excitement behind you, letting out whoops and shouts as the stage lit up. You looked over your shoulder up at him, smiling at the look of pure joy on his face. 

The whole concert went by in a blur. 

You sang along to the songs you knew, swaying along to the music as you watched. It was an entrancing performance, but it didn’t hold a candle to the concert Sirius was putting on behind you. 

He knew every single word, buzzing with excitement. He couldn’t keep still, jostling you around as he kept you close and away from the ruckus of the crowd. It was adorable, you had to admit. He bent down every once in a while, checking in on you and making sure you were alright. During the slow songs, he swayed with you back and forth, laughing when you stumbled over his feet. 

As you slowly filed out of the building amongst the crowd after the show ended, Sirius kept a tight grip on your hand to make sure you didn’t get seperated. You couldn’t deny the buzz that went through you every time he squeezed your hand, having to take a breath every once in a while to calm yourself. When you finally made it back on the street, Sirius was quick to bring you along the winding path that brought you back to the castle. 

You barely had time for small talk, having to rush to get back to the dungeons. You had hardly spoken at all until you found yourself back in front of your Common Room door, a silence throughout the castle—except for the portraits on the wall, who Sirius threatened to hex if they didn’t keep quiet.

You turned to Sirius, a small smile on your face. “Happy now?”

He chuckled, nodding. “You have no idea.”

“I think you had more fun than anyone else in that crowd,” you mused, taking a seat on the step that led up to the door. “But maybe that’s because you were all I could really hear. Singing isn’t one of your talents, Black.”

Sirius placed a dramatic hand on his chest, feigning offense. “Hey! I’ll have you know it is one of my many talents. You were lucky enough to witness it.”

You chuckled, a comfortable silence falling over you both. This was good. This felt familiar. Bickering in the way lifelong friends do, not friends who are teetering over the edge of never speaking again. You were afraid of what going with him tonight was going to do to you both, but this was good—it was worth it.

In a very unusual turn of events, Sirius was—for once—having trouble finding the right words to say.

There was so much he wanted to say—so much he needed to say—and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to. There was peace between the two of you. A calm that was rare, and he was too afraid to disturb it. 

You were smiling at him. 

A genuine smile, and he would have rather been caught a thousand times than see it fall. So he didn’t speak. He just offered you a hand, helping you up from the step.

“You should get some sleep,” he said quietly, stepping back once you were settled. “If we stay out here any longer we might actually get caught by a Prefect, and I know you’ll punish me far more than they would.”

You chuckled, nodding. You didn’t want him to go. You found yourself wanting to come up with random topics, just so he could stay and keep talking to you. But instead, you walked up to the top of the steps, stopping just in front of the door. You looked over your shoulder, smiling once more down at him.

“Goodnight, Sirius.”

He smiled back, turning to leave. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

And now I'm covered

In you

In you

One thing you had forgotten about Sirius was how much he likes to sleep in. 

You found yourself looking for him at breakfast in the morning, before you remembered how late you had gotten back to the castle. Sirius was absolutely not a morning person, and he certainly would have been in bed all morning into the early afternoon.

You had to swallow your nerves, taking calming breaths as you ate your food. He’d come to you when he was ready. He certainly had the means to with the map. 

All you had to do was wait.

And sure enough, he found you once again down by the Black Lake. You could hear him coming, snickering at the obnoxious tune he was whistling as he came to sit next to you. You looked over at him, raising a brow as he gave you a grin.

“It’s two in the afternoon, Sirius.”

“I’ve been busy,” he shrugged, letting his knee rest against yours. “I’ve been thinking.”

“That’s never good—” You joked, but he was quick to interrupt you before you could turn the conversation.

“I’ve been thinking about you.”

You could feel your heartbeat quicken, swallowing hard. You forced yourself to remain calm, swallowing your nerves. Of course you had been thinking about him, too. But you waited for him to speak, letting him go first.

“I’ve decided that you were right,” he admitted, locking eyes with you. “I am different. But so are you—and I think that’s a good thing. I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner.”

“And what prompted this decision—last night?” You asked, your voice soft.

He shook his head. “Last night was just the trigger, I guess. I think I had been noticing signs for a long time, and I just didn’t know what to do about it. Lucky for me, you’re too stubborn to let me be wrong.”

You couldn’t help but smile. With a breath of courage, you took his hand, fiddling with one of his rings.

“I’ve decided something, too.” 

He grinned, watching as you twisted the ring around his finger. “Oh, you have?” 

“Yes, yes I have.” 

“And what is that?” He asked, leaning closer ever so slightly. 

“I’ve decided that the next time my Mother sends me another semi-threatening letter full of veiled threats that she tries to cover up with hints of love, I’ll at least consider telling her to piss off. And—assuming you're ever mentioned in that letter—I’ve decided I’ll tell her to piss off about that, too.”

Sirius stilled, grabbing onto the hand you were using to twist his ring. “Are you serious?”

He deserved a little teasing, after all the things he had said to you over the years. He was just as stubborn as you were, but you weren’t going to let him get away with it all without a little taunting—even if the sight of his smile directed at you made you want to forget about everything and forgive him completely. You chuckled, nodding.

“What’s she gonna do? Disown me? She’s spent her whole life keeping my birth a secret, I highly doubt she’d risk all that effort just to get me to stop talking to you. Which—and I’m just assuming, here—you’ve decided you want to do, right? Keep talking to me?”

And then Sirius did something you hadn’t seen him do more than once or twice in all the years you had known him. 

He blushed.

Flushed cheeks and all, turning his face away so that you couldn’t see him. He chuckled to himself, turning back to you after a heavy sigh. He hooked an arm around your shoulders, resting his chin on top of your head.

“Yes, you dickhead. Of course I do,” he said, his voice muffled into your hair.

You smiled to yourself. Despite your best efforts, you couldn’t help but turn around in his hold and wrap your arms around his waist. You really couldn’t help it.

Sirius was all consuming.

Once you got stuck on him, it was practically impossible to shake him off. He was like the ivy that grew along the patch of walls in the far corner of his backyard. You could hide in him forever. He could keep you completely safe and away—at least that’s what it used to feel like.

And, Merlin, you wanted it to feel like that again.

“Good,” you smiled into his chest, pulling away to look up at him. “So, when can I expect you on your hands and knees begging for my forgiveness?”

“Piss off.”

—

A/N - Hi! I’m so sorry this took so long, once I started writing I just kept going and it got a little out of hand. This is kinda long, so hopefully that makes up for the obscene amount of time it took me to post this. I hope this is what you were looking for! I really enjoyed writing this, so thank you for sending the request in :)

[johnconstantinesdick]

So a Girl Genius Scholomance AU is interesting to me because on a character level Agatha is El and Gil is Orion—Agatha very much eschews the path set forward for her as a great evil and instead strives to do the best for her and Her People (notably, she and El share the same “these people are mine, actually, and I will protect them” view of the world that slowly grows to encompass more and more people as time goes on), while Gil struggles to connect with others and is deeply unhappy when doing what is expected of him while eventually going ahead with it anyway. He also has the whole monster hunter vibe going for him. Admittedly, Gil doesn’t struggle in the same way with empathy and connection as Orion does. His is more based on second-guessing others motivations with him, and he does happily and easily make friends—it’s romantic connection that eludes him for the most part.

The fun part is, when you consider their backgrounds the connections to El and Orion completely flip.

Like, Gil and El both have a side of the family that they’re completely alienated from due to bad omens surrounding them, and they were raised in a non-traditional setting by a single parent who strives to do the Right Thing (Klaus and Gwen differ in how good they are at raising kids though lmfao). You can even draw connections back to alienation from their culture—El at least knows where her father came from and speaks the language, but Gil is completely divorced from his mother and doesn’t even know who she is. They’re both barred from participating in their culture for the same reasons they’re alienated from half their family.

Agatha and Orion, meanwhile, were both Created With A Purpose by mothers who range from morally gray to totally corrupt. They both struggled to behave like normal children, with Orion not understanding or valuing human social norms and Agatha’s spark constantly straining to break through. This caused frustration and concern from the adults and mentors around them, and they were both somewhat alienated from their peers. Ophelia and Lucretia both share a certain big picture way of thinking, though admittedly Lucretia’s motives are almost entirely selfish in nature (an interesting contrast with Agatha’s own selfish way of thinking!) and Ophelia’s are pretty damn selfless, though in a very fun way. Selflessness due to ruthlessness is a good way of putting it, and Ophelia very much plays the numbers game in almost the same way the Scholomance itself does.

I’m going to have to play around with this more, because I think the way things line up is fascinating.

(Tarvek is a version of Liesel that successfully pulls off her powerhouse polycule plan.)

[metalomagnetic]

Hi Metalo! First of all thank you very much for being such an not only amazing author but also such a nice person, in the last few days I went through majority of your works (which literally opened a whole new world for me) and the quality is absolutely insane and your replies to comments/Tumblr asks are so nice to read, always interesting and engaging. The thought put into your lore doesn't fail to blow my mind!<3 You are incredible! I hope your health will improve soon and without a problem!<3

Last chapter of It runs was such a pleasure to read, I loved cute domestic moments with Sirius and his kids the most and have a couple of questions.

1) Does Bella have favourite nephew?

2) Does Walburga have favourite grandchild?

3)Orion is Bella's ward, but what about other kids?

4) Who is whose best friend among kids? I imagine Harry's is Draco, and Orion is probably jealous about it, lmao

5) Did Astrid grow to actually love Harry or is she still pretending for Sirius's sake?

6) It seems like Orion&Marvelous genuinely view Harry as brother, but Sirius always notes that he is not Black (I remember he even think stuff like "perceived siblings"). Does he truly feel this way, or is he just feeling guilty before James and kinda lies to himself?

Very sorry if it's too much questions for one ask, I'm not all that familiar with Tumblr...

Thank you so much! 🥰

Orion

Orion 😂

Orion and Marvolo are Bella's wards. Helix is Regulus' (and Isadora's).

Harry and Draco are best friends! Orion gets along best with Regina and Regis. Marvolo, poor boy, is often left behind, but he has a couple of closer friends, like Avery's son and one of Yaxley's sons (that man has a lot of children).

Astrid does love Harry, but she will never love him as she loves her sons. But she does her best to treat them the same, even if not always quite successful. Hilariously, she sometimes *likes* Harry the best, because he's such a chill boy.

Everyone in that family has the awareness Harry is not a Black; even Orion and Marvolo, as they grow, they start to understand the difference. This is not just because of his last name that obviously settles him apart, but it is mostly Sirius' fault. And yes, it's because of James. Sirius would feel he's 'stealing' James' son, the last thing that remains of him, if he properly treated Harry like a Black. So in his mind there is always the distinction that Harry is James', not his. He does it out of love and loyalty to James, but perhaps it wasn't quite the best approach.

[voidpacifist]

potter-verse headcanons that I choose to view as canon bc fuck jkr <3

*I redid these bc james' lineage was pointed out to me in a previous comment and I don't wanna disregard it so I tweaked a few things to keep it true to the lore while also spiting the terf

this will be very long btw

starting with the marauders era (sorry this is basically an essay now)

adding onto that, I just would love to see his inner conflicts and hopes and ambitions and dialogue more flushed out, because I really don't think him being rejected by an old flame is at all cause enough for him to suddenly just hate children. even his rivalry and bullying with/from james doesn't feel like the push that comes to shove idk

severus snape is not an abusive man. in my opinion, the way that he's written makes him seem like a very cause to effect character without much complexity to him other than that he was in love with lily evans. in my mind, he's lily's closest friend and defender for most of their growing up together at hogwarts, especially after he begins unlearning blood purist ideologies. he tries to protect her from james potter, who's antagonistic of blood purists by nature, and also a massive troublemaker. thinking it will get lily hurt is what ultimately fuels his hatred of james (that and the fact that james is just kind of a dick to him the whole time they're at school together)

an earlier commenter pointed out to me that james' grandfather invented fleamont's hair potion, so the inheritance of that success would make james' family quite well off. and while he grows up with a very good home life and very loving parents, I imagine james also feels quite stifled sometimes, being that he's an only child with a lot of room in his house and a lot of legacy to carry. it's not like he has a complex about it, but he's sort of a steve harrington-esque kind of character. he's not a complete asshat, but he does experience a lot of growing pains and contentions to his worldview on multiple levels when he first becomes acquainted with lily and severus, and even when he first meets the other marauders. it adds a lot more interest than just making him the charming class clown, and james being desi adds another layer of complexity to him too. (I'm quite curious about how desi metaphysics are practiced, and how that would be a shift for him going from eleven years of his own household magic to hogwarts magic)

adding onto that, it's why he and sirius become such fast friends - sirius feels estranged from his own family, and james' only family are his parents and grandparents. they're closer than sirius and his own brother are. this does certainly make things strange and angsty when regulus takes an admiration to james that sirius notices, when sirius himself is constantly being compared to his more "ideal wizard archetype" younger brother his entire life

in fact, regulus' admiration of james starts as more of a scientific sort of reverence - he wants to understand how a pure blood can be so defiant of the ideas that suggest he's more worthy of practicing wizardry, let alone a pure blood who has come from so much. he learns quite a lot about james through sirius, and when he actually meets him for the first time, he's nothing like the troublemaker prince charming that everyone expects him to be. it's the first time reg experiences real endearment to someone who isn't in his own family, and even that kind of love is conditional at best (shout-out to walburga and orion black for their a-plus parenting)

it makes it that much more painful when he sees that james, while kinder and more considerate than he seemed at first, only thinks of him as sirius'-younger-brother-who-isn't-actually-that-terrible-perhaps; when he sees that james only has room in his heart for lily evans, who by black family standards isn't worthy to have any knowledge of the magical world, let alone belong in it. and he's trying to be better and to understand, but even the kindest blood purists are still blood purists, and it will take him years after this heartbreak to rectify that mindset - even as he's defying voldemort himself

lily grows up in scotland, and while her parents love her and petunia very much, they're constantly fighting. she and tuney often spend time together, and when lily's magical talents start to emerge, she at first asks her big sister, her protector, her closest friend, to keep this secret from their parents. so imagine the heartbreak when lily's owl comes in the mail, and instead of the magical announcement being a complication for their parents, the evans' are overjoyed. imagine the betrayal that petunia feels when, after years of borderline neglect to the both of them, lily leans into the praise and attention she's now receiving. and she tries to make it up to tuney - she even grows a flower in her own hand hoping to make peace with her only real role model in life, only to have it shut down by being called a freak. things only get worse as tuney is left at home with quarreling parents while lily gets the privilege of being away from all of it. the number of letters she sends to dumbledore begging to learn magic, then simply begging to see her little sister more than just during christmas, should be enough to convince the old man to have some leniency, but dumbledore doesn't

now let's talk about peter pettigrew. we all blame him for the downfall of james and lily that kicks off the tragedy of harry's childhood, which we should. but the why of it feels important to me, so personally, this is how I see his psyche playing a role: what if he grows up in a religious household? now I know how that sounds, but hear me out. peter grows up in a religious family because his parents carry some sort of shame surrounding their magical lineage. maybe it's because their squibs, maybe it's because of other trauma from being discovered by muggles, etc. regardless, he grows up discouraged from using his magic, but instead of suppressing it and developing an obscurus, he learns how to hide it. he practices his abilities in secret, until he's a very good liar with the worst case of people pleasing. so when his owl comes with his hogwarts letter, his parents are less than happy about it. he's sent to live with his aunt when he's not at school. in the meantime, he hides as much as he can about his family from the marauders. remus has his lycanthropy to worry about, and sirius already has an even rockier home life to begin with. so it's no wonder that peter latches onto james - ironically, james becomes a secret keeper of sorts for him. but peter is never close to him the way sirius is, or even remus. he's forgotten by his friends, disregarded by his parents, and written off as soft and submissive by his other peers and even the teachers. it makes him all the more suggestible when he's sought out by voldemort, who promises him a place of belonging, which is all that he's ever wanted since he was a child. he's hidden things from the people closest to him once before, so he can do it again, right?

until of course, voldemort actually physically manipulates him with an imperius curse. and all it takes is one curse for the dark lord to convince peter that his friends can never take him back, not when he's killed and maimed and cursed and destroyed lives as much as he has. "not when you're my most trusted servant, wormtail." in short, peter pettigrew is and always will be remembered as a coward. but before he was a coward, he was in pain. and voldemort used that pain to turn him against his only friends before his only friends could turn on him

speaking of other death eaters, let's talk about regulus again for a moment. in an audience-sparing plot, regulus lives. in an angst driven plot, regulus drowns. so for the sake of compromising realism for emotional lenience, let's say nobody actually knows what happens to him. there's all kinds of rumors about the missing black brother, but the truth is that regulus doesn't drown. he's badly hurt in his attempt to destroy the locket, because not only is that thing messing with him psychologically, it's also a pain in the ass to try and get rid of. brutally injured and looking for a place to hide, he enchants a supply cabinet in a muggle cafe to expand into his own flat, which looks to non-magic users like any old closet, even if they try to open it. kreacher is left the locket along with regulus' note, because he doesn't want to be found (great opportunity for him to make a sneaky little appearance in the first half of the deathly hallows though, when the golden trio are debriefing in a muggle cafe...)

remus grows up in a really good home, but like james, he feels a sort of isolation. not because of his class status but because of his condition. as his body begins to mature in his teenage years, his lycanthropy also "matures," taking a bigger and bigger toll on his body until by the time his third year starts at hogwarts (between growth spurts and growing pains and the intensity of his transitions), he can't walk without using a cane. he's pretty sickly as a child anyway to begin with, so more often than not, he spends a lot of time in his bed in the gryffindor common room. this means when a lot of the pranking and troublemaking is happening, he's either in the background unable to do much more than try and dissuade his friends, or he isn't there at all. it isn't until a little way into his fourth year that he begins actively participating in marauders shenanigans, including helping with the construction of the map. I imagine he and sirius both have feelings for one another during this time, but these feelings cannot or do not go acknowledged until the later years (like, year six or seven)

when it comes time to meet sirius' family, sirius has already been disowned by his birth parents and is extremely distant from his brother and cousins. all of course, except for his cousin andromeda, who reaches out to him after the news of his erasure from the family tree makes it to her. this is actually how remus meets tonks in my mind - because during the whole "meet the parents" thing, he meets ted, his wife, and their daughter nymphadora

that's all I've got for now from the marauders era but the golden trio era is a whole different ballgame (and probably way longer sorry in advance)

let's start with harry. petunia is not near as strict with him as vernon is, but they're both abusive to him in ways that are physical and psychological. dudley, of course, is given everything by his parents to the point of spoiling, while harry is forced to feed off of the leftovers. and while he definitely inherits his father's "fuck around and find out" personality, he's a lot less likely to fuck around with the dursleys. in fact, he's much more quiet until he gets to hogwarts and blossoms. I also think his scar is much more noticeable and does much more alteration to his face. because it's the aftermath of the killing curse, it makes him much more likely to die just from a physical standpoint than from simply a plot device standpoint. voldemort is obsessed with killing him, and incidentally, he's a very easy person to kill

however, this doesn't make harry a weak wizard by any means. his magic is incredibly powerful and he's incredibly cunning with it. it's why the hat finds it equally appropriate to sort him into slytherin, other than the obvious connection that he and voldemort share. but this does mean that other people's perceptions of him are that he is weaker. draco thinks he can easily manipulate him. ron underestimates his understanding of the wizarding world and how to defend himself. hermione even has her moments, though hers are more a concern for his well-being as a target of all sorts of evil wizardry. even still, it's a shock and a half to go from being consistently neglected and abused to being coddled and handled with kid gloves all the time. it's no wonder his "fuck around and find out" attitude we see in the books and films also comes to life due to the way he's being mistreated - whether that's with good or ill intent

ron is not only his first friend, but also the first person harry is formally introduced to. he's harry's gateway to what the wizarding world looks like outside of school. of course, molly weasley immediately decides this makes harry her son as well as ron, and it's nice for ron to have a brother his own age. but as the youngest son in a family of seven kids, with one of the honorary offspring being famous in the wizarding world, it's easy for him to get swept up in the idea that he's the afterthought of his friends and family. as a result, he tries emulating harry's attitude towards the world, but whereas harry's is built up by his upbringing and those around him, ron's is built up out of spite. it creates resentment when they're horcrux hunting together, because ron not only hates that harry is refusing to be taken care of - he also hates that nobody's taking care of him

it's why I think he and luna lovegood make an excellent pair. luna is an uncommonly kind person by nature, and we already know in the books that she takes a shine to ron. I wish we'd seen more of them in canon, so it's my personal philosophy that they should have been together instead of ron and hermione. luna really softens the resentment in ron, because she takes so much in stride that it sort of rubs off on him. and ron brings out something very protective and fiery in her. if she weren't a ravenclaw, she'd make an excellent gryffindor, though honestly she's such a multitudinous character already that she'd do swimmingly in almost any house, in my opinion

more on luna: she and hermione were actually quite close as first years, but grew apart because while luna was accepted for her neurodivergence, hermione was singled out. there's not much difference between the two of them other than the two factors that luna doesn't mask her traits, and is a pureblood. at the time that they're both eleven, I imagine eleven-year-old blood purist logic would muddy a friendship rather quickly, especially when you're trying to seek acceptance from your peers. this isn't to say that luna is a cruel person by any means - it's just that hermione has to work harder for her fitting-in-ness. naturally, being in different houses and different circles of peers along with all the other factors, they grow apart. four years after they've met, luna is simply "looney lovegood" to hermione

hermione's parents are very eager muggles to integrate hermione into the wizarding world. the two of them meet in college, when both take an interest in metaphysical studies and the history of witches and witchcraft. though it starts as a scientific fascination, hermione's father turns out to be a rather superstitious man in the first place. when their daughter receives her owl, both of them are overjoyed at the possibility of there being a world where their fascination with magic and the occult is real. the only reason they both go into dentistry (and together at the same office, no less) is because they're ridiculously in love with one another and want hermione to have a stable childhood

snape ends up being a very protective teacher over harry. the reason he hides it is because he knows dumbledore is on the hunt for power and control, however much the man tries to disguise it as working for the greater good. the headmaster simply believes harry is the perfect conduit to attain those things, and rather than view him as a threat, dumbledore views him as a tool. snape is desperate not to see harry become a pawn, the way he did, but he also sees so much of james in him that it's hard for him to reconcile any outward respect for him. this makes snape a very cold man for harry to cross (and he's already cold enough for several other reasons), but in my personal opinion, it does his character a disservice to make him outright abusive. he's dismissive and intense and extremely aloof, but never does he use it to punish harry himself. snape's only seen as a shifty, mean person by harry because of how similar he is to petunia and her dismissal of harry at home so by god do those trust issues jump out between these two. it's by no means a father + son dynamic, but it's certainly a begrudging guardian + clueless guardee dynamic, if that makes sense

in fact, when snape realizes draco is also dealing with abuse in the home, he makes it a goal of his to do what he can to make sure their time in his class is as easy as possible. of course, true to severus snape fashion, he does this in such a way that it seems like he's going to single them out when in reality, he's only breeding an environment where draco and harry start having a tentative, mutual respect for one another. this is at first very confusing for hermione and ron, as well as draco's circle of friends. but these two are nothing if not stubborn, which means cycle breaking is what they're destined for

this paves the way for draco and hermione to be in each other's circles. mutually indifferent to one another at best. detestable to one another at worst. very much enemies to lovers, until hermione bests draco in a dueling practice and draco gains some respect for her. he learns that she is a very well schooled person when it comes to traditional witch traditions and rituals; that she recognizes the holidays that christmas and halloween are bastardizations of; that she does in fact "respect her betters," because she respects her magic as the sacred gift that it is. at that point, does it become allies to lovers. and when the second wizarding war rolls around, he does everything he can within his power to play the roll of double agent. snape becomes his mentor in that regard in more ways than one (he has to kill dumbledore and he has to outsmart voldemort, homeboy is stressing)

hey speaking of pairings, the only original pairing that I tend to keep the same within the golden trio is ginny and harry. it is the sole good pairing that jkr brought to the table. I still have a few notes on it — I just wish there was more development with them. I wish there was more canonical tension than "brother's famous best friend," because while ginny is a wonderful character on her own, she doesn't seem the type to be besotted by someone because of their fame. in fact, an enemies to lovers hinny would almost make more sense to me. they're both incredibly stubborn, it's a wonder they don't butt heads more during canon events, with the fact in mind that ginny is quite soft spoken around him. she's very do-no-harm-take-no-shit, and I wish we saw more of that in their interactions. in my head, their pipeline is as follows: younger sister figure -> academic rival/enemy -> allies during the order era -> confidants -> lovers. if this makes sense. I know it's similar to the canon pipeline for them but please I need tension I need depth I need conflict

I also have got to talk about cho because first of all, what the fuck kind of name is "cho chang" for the only visibly asian character in a franchise? said it once and I'll say it again: fuck jkr. she didn't put thought or depth into this character even one bit other than making her ditsy and boy-obsessed and I hate that shit! with all my heart! in fact, all of the POC women in this series she writes specifically to be obsessed with harry, and that makes my blood absolutely evaporate because they could be so much more than one dimensional figures. I digress

as I see it, "cho chang" isn't her real name at all. it's chao-xing zhang, and the first name means morning star. she hails from a family where her father is chinese and her mother is irish. if I had to give her a middle name, it would be siobhan. she grows up with strong roots in both her irish and chinese heritage, and she's the pride of her family, since she's the only child her parents are able to have. when she arrives at hogwarts, she is quite shy and reserved. but she's brilliant, so of course she's in ravenclaw. but it's in an atypical sense that she is brilliant, not in the I-come-fom-an-asian-family-so-I'm-clever kind of way (I think giving her the gift of clairvoyance would add a really good layer to her arc). she tries to fight off visions of harry potter dying, but she cannot shake them, so instead she vows to fight with him, especially after voldemort kills the first person to show her love and affection for who she is, not for the "cho chang" that her peers think she is. it's only natural for her to take a shine to harry when he's the one who saw cedric diggory murdered

while we're on the topic of horseshit naming, parvati and padma aren't called parvati and padma in my personal mindscape of the potter-verse. they're instead named drisana and salena, meaning "daughter of the sun" and "moon" respectively. not only are they fraternal twins, they also have entirely separate personalities and magical gifts. they're as different as the sun and moon are different, but they also both reflect each other's gifts quite well, just like how the full moon is an expression of both itself and the light of the sun. of course they're both enamored by the boy who lived and his best mate, and of course they say yes to them when they need dates for the yule ball. but to say either of them are actually in love with or interested in either of the boys isn't true by a long shot - salena much prefers her own company and drisana has been eyeing the pretty ravenclaw, chao-xing, for as long as she can remember (I also think they would take harry under their wing and help him reconnect with his desi culture because I can't imagine being raised by the dursleys gave him too much opportunity for that tbh)

now onto more world-buildy types of things

in fact, I'd say the only stereotypical twins at hogwarts are fred and george, and even then they only play into it for the bit. they think it's wildly funny to confuse anyone who doesn't know them well enough to tell them apart, which is a very small number of people (I mean come on, even their own mother doesn't always manage to tell them apart). one of them is probably just a little bit fruity, and the other one is either none the wiser or not the least bit surprised. they pretend like they're carefree people, but they both feel the pull of the war on their morale, even before the war truly sets in motion with the death of dumbledore. they don't have any older sibling figures present as far as we read until bill becomes part of the plot, but I like to think he and charlie are the ones they go to when they're needing someone to talk to about the state of the world. even then, they have to be careful about it in their correspondences.

and while I like to think that molly and arthur are all very present in the lives of their children, I also believe that arthur's work in the ministry keeps him quite busy, and molly can't always be there for each individual child without totally burning herself out. long story short, the weasleys are there for one another as much as they can be, but mainly as a whole. and of course, every weasley brother would level london for ginny if the need arose for it, since she gets little sister treatment (as she should, we love her for it)

it is in my humble opinion that each house has some elemental magic attached to it. some of these are more obvious, for instance, gryffindor would likely have many ties to fire magic, whereas with hufflepuff's patron being the badger, they'd have many ties to earth magic. ravenclaw and slytherin were a little bit harder for me to parse out, but a raven for me would signify air/weather magic while a reptilian, cold blooded patron would be symbolic to water. and while of course, any magical student can have a proclivity for any element of the four, many gryffindors will have a higher aptitude for fire magic. it's why (in my opinion) seamus finnegan is so talented with pyrotechnics in the first place - it's no accident that gryffindor is where he was sorted with that level of fire magic

so then, liv, how does that explain dumbledore's weird water orb and voldemort's fire serpent featured in the order of the phoenix film? actually that's a quite easy answer - remember how I said not every gryffindor has fire magic tendencies? this is actually referenced with neville longbottom's talent for herbology. if anything, he's more inclined to work with earth magic. we don't see a lot of deviating from house elements at all in canon, but aside from the main main characters, jkr also doesn't divulge much on it to begin with. even then, neville still has the inner fire of a gryffindor. and even though voldemort's raw magic takes the form of a serpent on fire, we see his former self most comfortable with the basilisk, who lives in the dank underbelly of the hogwarts plumbing. water snakes, anybody? dumbledore's is a little trickier to explain, but I do think in his conquest to be more powerful than voldemort, he also ended up mastering all four elements. he does certainly favor fire though, considering his animal companion is a phoenix, and his raw magic is displayed with fire in the half blood prince film during the sea cave scene

beyond the elements and patrons of each house, there's also astrology, runes, divination, etc. basically magic that isn't necessarily assigned to an element, but the elements can be present in each practice. for instance, astrology is a very planetary practice, and it relies on the position of the earth itself in relation to the stars and other celestial bodies (or vice versa). the moon oversees the tides (water), the sun provides warmth (fire) as well as nurtures greenery and living things (earth). all three interacting in different manners affects the weather (air). runes can be written or carved anywhere, but are best written either with something fluid like water and inked, or etched into a solid surface such as wood or stone. divination, particularly scrying, is best done with a reflective surface, however tea reading involves some herbology when it comes to making the tea itself. I digress, the point is, different aptitudes mean some students will have a higher proclivity for one practice than another outside of their "inner element" or which element works best with them (also jkr why didn't you include something for the crystal girlies?? for the fellas who love the pretty rocks???)

onto the topic we all love (said sarcastically) the most: wizard racism. rowling really thought she could paint a complex narrative about blood purity and the differences thereof when her own writing is inherently racist? miss me with that horseshit, anyway here's my personal take on the whole blood purity smorgasbord:

the only difference between muggleborns and regular old muggles is that some have the aptitude and skill for harnessing magic, and some don't. I don't actually know the science behind it. maybe the stars aligned just right. maybe it's a distant genetic thing. regardless, muggles have a very whimsical view of magic itself. we have our holidays like christmas and halloween and easter, and our cutesy packagings of the aesthetic for each holiday. but the holidays that they originate from, such as yule and samhain, have been celebrated by pagans and witches long before this christ-ifying of them, and even longer before making them palatable to a consumer culture. meaning it is real culture that has been taken and warped and accepted by society as normal, when it doesn't credit the original practicers in the first place

and considering the salem witch trials and other witch hunts (some of which are still happening in places around the globe, mind you), it's no wonder that, taking the canon of harry potter into consideration, purebloods (in this case, those from pagan families who have kept the practices for hundreds of generations and have only married within magical bloodlines) are at least mistrusting of muggleborns. does it excuse the blatant mistreatment and alienation of muggleborn witches and wizards? absolutely not. does it at least explain the disparity? yes it does

it gives salazar slytherins perspective of only allowing purebloods into his house an entirely new layer as to why. if only he didn't go about hatching an ancient bloodthirsty beast to hunt down the muggleborn students!

it does also add a very archaic level to slytherin house culture, though - they're not only the most cunning house (and most misunderstood), they're also the most observant of traditional paganism. dumbledore is so dead set on the belief that slytherin breeds evil wizards and witches, however, that his favoritism to his patron house (which happens to have the opposite mascot and element, mind you) creates an environment where slytherins are either feared or outright disrespected by the other houses. here's a hot take: dark and light magic can exist within the same space and still not have any moral attachment to them. crazy, innit

which means that not only is dumbledore a more "accepting" headmaster of muggleborns - they too, are a means to an end in this vendetta he has against tom riddle; a vendetta he's had against a child since he realized this child (who mind you, was already isolated as an orphan and a wizard growing up surrounded by muggles) was the heir of slytherin. and while yes, this made him a threat to the safety of muggleborn students, dumbledore also ensured the creation of the thing that which he vowed to overthrow. his mission in life as a wizard with great power and responsibility was a self fulfilling prophecy

(enough said about albus dumbledore. I hate that man. no wonder jkr paints him as such a hero figure in the series though like damn)

more world building! I think it should be canon that a modified obliviate spell exists so that trans witches and wizards can erase the memory of a dead name from the minds of anyone who isn't them. use this headcanon how you must, it may be the biggest fuck you to the author I could come up with <3

phew! that was a mouthful, but on that note, those are all my thoughts/headcanons/other things that I've conjured so far. some of them may be based off of headcanons I've already seen (like, we've all basically confirmed james is desi at this point), but I did wanna drive a little deeper into those existing ones as well as add thoughts of my own. I am planning on using most if not all of these to write my own rendition of the potter-verse canon, but feel free to use any of them you see in here! I'd love to invite more dialogue, particularly about more thoughtful name changes (like seriously if y'all have anymore suggestions on that front please send them to me, I don't want to be totally ignorant or off base so any feedback is super appreciated)

[childotkw]

I'm reading about the Orion and Nathan relationship and going all heart eyes. It made me curious, though - if Orion was warped back to a point of time where Harry had never interfered (and maybe wasn't there, it was just Nathan all alone), how would he react?

I think if Orion was reset to a point before Harry was dropped into Nathan’s body, while Nathan was still at school, he wouldn’t be able to refrain from interfering. He’s too curious for his own good, and he’d wriggle his way into Nathan’s life like a particularly stubborn toddler. By this point Orion knows that whoever was in Nathan’s body after the attack and coma was not Nathan at all, memory-less or otherwise.

But despite some initial disappointment, Orion would probably see Nathan as an attractive blank canvas - and though the entity that had possessed Nathan in the future was not here at the moment, that did not mean Orion couldn’t see if he could twist and manipulate Nathan into being something similar.

It would be an experiment on Orion’s part. To see if he could recreate some of that iron personality and wilful disregard for any and all school hierarchy and societal norms. Along the way, he would probably grow to genuinely enjoy Nathan for who he actually was, and then we’d drop into the typical possessiveness we’ve come to expect from ybtm!Orion.

I think for his part, Nathan would be terrified and bewildered by the fact that Orion Black seemed to have taken him on as a pet project. He wouldn’t necessarily complain though, since having the Black heir take you under his wing was a huge mark of protection - and Nathan desperately needed all the protection he could get.

[verily-veve]

@hprecfest I wanted to do this and made my first rec list :)

1. A favorite fic under 5k: Still Life (Drarry, E, 3k)

No summary given.

2. A comfort fic : Orange Blossoms @danpuff-ao3 (Snarry, T, 4k)

These are foolish times to have hope, and more foolish still to be in love. 

3. A podfic : Deadheading the Odd Dahlia @cailynwrites (Drarry, T, 1.5 hours)

Harry is content to spend his days at Draco’s flower stall at the farmers market, burying his true feelings in artisanal coffee and rose bouquets. When forced to find new lodgings, he accepts Draco’s offer to live in a cottage at Malfoy Manor, and his long-hidden crush blossoms out of control. Turns out, proximity makes the heart grow fonder.

4. A fic with art: The Curse of Anteros @danpuff-ao3 @mrviran (Snarry, E, 53k)

When Harry is cursed, he seeks out Severus Snape. They have a long history behind them, after all, and they've always had so much between them. Who else would he go to?

5. A non-AO3 fic : If You Are Prepared (Snarry, E, 193k)

A task he can't refuse. A boy he doesn't want to refuse.

6. An unreliable narrator fic : Heartbeat by @phantomato (Tomarrymort, Harry/Orion, E, 23k)

Harry, dumped into the past, communes with dangerous men.

7. A canon-compliant fic : Rapture by @mia-ugly (Snarry, E, 48k)

Snape sees the man, for the first time, on his twenty-fifth birthday.

8. A canon-divergence fic : Certain Dark Things by @liladiurne (Snarry, E, 50k)

In which Severus takes a trip to Italy, thinking he'll have a quiet time at the Malfoys' villa, but Harry has other plans.

9. A rare pair fic (less than 2000 fics on AO3) : The Sword of Gryffindor (Sneville, E, 58k)

“Do you feel strong hitting me?” Neville spits out. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this angry before, but there’s something else too. He wants to feel it again, the pain, wants to control it like he did last time. This isn’t like Amycus Carrow driving his wand into his shoulder blades while whispering about his parents, this isn’t sitting scared in a school bench while his sister rants about muggles with a crazy glint in her eye. A choice. He’s in control here, he can take it. “Do it again you fucking coward.”

10. A fest fic : Not All That Glisters by @sweet-s0rr0w (Drarry, E, 110k)

Lonely and frustrated on house arrest, with no prospects for the future, Draco begins brewing Felix Felicis in an attempt to improve his lot. Just in the short term, of course. He isn’t a total idiot. But before long he finds himself with a thriving business, a nice flat, some actual (albeit irritatingly Gryffindor) friends, and a very satisfying sex life. What’s more, no-one is hexing him in the street. And Harry Potter is single, and gorgeous, and giving Draco decidedly interested looks. Stop taking the Felix? You must be joking…

11. A dark fic : Frigid by @mrviran (Harrymort, E, 3k)

In which one of Voldemort's Horcruxes is broken, and needs to be fixed.

12. A WIP you’re following : Pacify by @chickenpets (Snarry, E, ongoing)

Pacify: 1. To allay the anger or agitation of 2. To reduce to a submissive state He would do his duty. He would save Draco, if he could. He would protect the students, if and when the school fell to the Deatheaters. And Potter. As far as he was concerned, Potter could have whatever he wanted, now. What was the point of trying to tell him no if he was going to be sacrificed on the pyre of the greater good? If Potter wanted to learn, Severus would be his teacher. If he wanted a master, then Severus would make him submit. And if he wanted a lover... well. Severus would love him. And that was it. Anything else was a waste of time. And there was so little of that.

13. A fic with over 100k words : Another Mask Behind You (Drarry, E, 116k)

Draco is a high-end prostitute who hides his identity. Harry unknowingly hires him. And then there is porn, questions about identity, domestic bliss, more porn, and truth as seen through a web of lies. (And then more porn. Seriously, if you don’t want sex scene after sex scene you probably shouldn’t read this. And please read the warnings.)

14. A favorite series : Love Your Enemy by @danpuff-ao3 (Snarry, E, 50k)

Love...hate...Harry and Severus definitely hate each other (if only because they love each other so much.)

15. The most recent fic you bookmarked : Everything We Dream Can be Real by @vdoshu (Tomarry, E, 51k)

Harry had a life after Voldemort. He had a family. He had a career. And then one day it was all ripped away when he woke up at Number 4 Privet Drive. Or: Where Harry doesn’t exactly get that chance to do it over again. And things are Not Okay.

16. A fic that made you laughed: Harry Potter and the Problem with Potions (Harry & Snape, T, 184k)

Once upon a time, Harry Potter hid for two hours from Dudley in a chemistry classroom, while a nice graduate student explained about the scientific method and interesting facts about acids. A pebble thrown into the water causes ripples. Contains, in no particular order: magic candymaking, Harry falling in love with a house, evil kitten Draco Malfoy, and Hermione attempting to apply logic to the wizarding world.

17. A fic that made you cry: Epitaphs in Autographs by @vukovich (Drarry, E, 7k)

A series of works surrounding death, imperfect relationships, flawed coping, and humanity.

18. A fairy-tale inspired fic : Two Lockets (Snarry, E, 57k)

Harry, Snape, and the grim old house that keeps its secrets.

19. Fic with the hottest smut: Ruin by @chickenpets (Snarry, E, 12k)

Severus didn’t even want to contemplate how quickly he’d crumbled, or how incredibly satisfying it felt to have Potter immobilized and powerless that way. Because the boy he had under his fist right then was not the same one that had barged into his lab demanding attention and slinging insults. This boy was… different. He was silent, and wide-eyed. Flushed, and panting, and very, very still. It was almost like alchemy. The Golden Brat of Hogwarts - the Chosen One - transformed instantly into this new apparition. He’d gotten what he wanted, Severus supposed. Brutality.

20. A fic rated G: The Son by @perverse-idyll (Regulus, G, 5k)

First there were two sons. Then there was one.

21. A thought-provoking fic : The Things We Need by @kbrick (Drarry, E, 25k)

Three hundred and fifty-three days out of the year, Harry is in a monogamous, fufilling relationship with Draco Malfoy. Then there are the other twelve days.

22. An unfinished fic (hasn’t updated in 10 years or author stated it been abandoned) : The Marriage Stone (Snarry, E, 382k)

To avoid the machinations of the Ministry, Harry must marry a reluctant Severus Snape. But marriage to Snape is only the beginning of Harry's problems. Voldemort has returned, and before too long Harry's marriage may determine the world's fate.

23. A soulmate fic : The Left Words (Harrymort, M, 234k)

Harry has some weird words on his left wrist. That must be one of those strange things that Aunt Petunia hates so much. But it's okay! He likes them. Then, it all turns even weirder. Hogwarts, magic, a Headmaster and a Dark Lord await Harry - he would prefer if they all just left him alone, thank you very much. But when has it ever mattered what Harry wants?

24. A holiday fic: All I Want for Christmas (is for You to Stop Talking) by @femmequixotic and noeon (Drarry, E, 162k)

The Niffler's Garden is the most prestigious wizarding nursery school in England and has been for the last century or more. Harry Potter's boys are both enrolled as pupils at the Garden. When he volunteers to assist with the Yule pageant, he has no idea that he'll be working closely with another parent, Draco Malfoy. Although they haven't seen each other much since their own school days, Harry faults Malfoy for not being a hands-on dad to little Scorpius. Will the intense weeks of preparation fan the fires of enmity or something else entirely?

25. A fic rated T: Altered Course by @crowcrowcrowthing (Tomarry, T, 12k)

Tom Riddle has a problem. He has so many plans, so many things to learn and accomplish during his time at Hogwarts, but one professor—one charming, talented, maddeningly handsome professor—is determined to get in his way. How does Professor Potter seem to anticipate Tom's every move? How does he always manage to stay several steps ahead, knowing secrets about Tom he has no right knowing? It’s simply unacceptable, and Tom needs to do something about it before everything is ruined.

26. A fic with an ending you can’t stop thinking about : Nocturne by @necromanticnoir (Snarry, E, 54k)

A Gothic Snarry version of ‘Beauty and the Beast’, inspired by the dark and sensual tale from the Czech film version, ‘Panna a Netvor’. I follow some of the plot, but then diverge and do my own thing. Got to make it even weirder, right? An eerie, erotic, brooding, bloody, batty, haunting fairytale. ‘Underneath my skin there’s a human. Buried deep within there’s a human. Despite everything, I’m still human.’ - ‘Human’ by Daughter

27. A Muggle-AU fic : with great outbursts and lightnings by @liladiurne (Snarry, E, 148k)

They stand there for a moment, just looking at each other. Harry has developed smoking to an art form that fascinates Severus. Everyone smokes in Paris, but he’s never taken up the habit himself. Watching Harry smoke, however, is strangely erotic. It feels like watching something that ought to be done in private. He wants to say something, anything, but he’s speechless. He’s a bloody poet, and here he is, standing speechless in front of a nineteen-year-old boy. March, 2013. In which Severus is a semi-famous poet with writer's block who moves back to London after the death of his lover and meets Harry, a prodigy struggling with his own demons.

28. An under-rated fic : An Eye for an Eye (Drapery, E, 42k)

Harry owes Draco a Life Debt.

29. A post-canon fic : Soup-pocalypse and the Great Curry Cataclysm (Drarry, E, 104k)

Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

30. A pre-canon fic : He's just a Little Fixer-Upper (Snilch, E, 10k)

After Voldemort's first defeat, Snape's grief and guilt are overwhelming, and he starts thinking about ending it all. But there's someone in the castle who's been watching Snape since he was a child, someone determined to put him back together again.

31. A fav amongst favs: for this I have 1 for my 3 favorite ships :)

Wild (Drarry, E, 92k)

“No,” Harry said, by way of greeting. Malfoy’s blonde head rose slowly, carelessly. “Get out.” “I feel as though we’ve already established this, Potter,” Malfoy responded. “And I feel that what we established was that you telling me to get out of places really doesn’t make me more likely to vacate them.”

When the Rose and the Fire Are One by @perverse-idyll (Snarry, E, 81k)

Harry's haunted by guilt. Snape's warded by roses. Each must free the other in order to free himself.

Either must die at the hand of the other by @metalomagnetic (Harrymort, E, 260k)

Voldemort survives the Battle of Hogwarts because Harry Potter had not been the one to kill him, as the prophecy demands.

[regulus-books]

warnings: depression, anxiety, arguing, angst, mentions of suicide (regulus saying he'd rather kill himself than see james hurt), mentions of walburga and orion's A+ parenting, tell me if I missed anything.

wc: 1.3k+

notes: I've been craving smth angsty and sad so this is kinda hurt/comfort. the timer thing for reggie is something my brain does too and it's actually so annoying, im not sure if other people go through that but it sucks and I'm here for you:). also the main idea for this was actually from a tiktok here

Regulus can't help it. Their time is almost up. He can hear the alarm ringing in his head, telling him its time to go, it's time to leave. This time, its different. He doesn't want to.

2 years. Consistent. It's been rather healthy, there's no reason to leave, he loves him. The alarm gets louder day by day, his days grow worse and worse and he fears that James knows. James knows how he's feeling, he knows that their time together is up. But, against what Regulus' mind is telling him to do, he stays. He lays in bed. All day long.

James comes home at 17:26, like he always does. Regulus can hear as he places down his bag, and his water bottle. Regulus hears him throw away his trash from lunch and clean the dishes he used, and Regulus can even hear him put away his lunch bag. The sound Regulus dreads the most, though, is James trudging up the stairs, Regulus isn't ready to face the brightness of the sun, he wishes to stay under the comfort of the moon, not harsh, just enough light to get by.

Regulus turns away from the door, their comforter covering his whole body, including the back of his head. The door cracks open just enough for James to slip through.

"You awake, mi estrella?" Regulus wants to stay silent, to not move, to pretend he's asleep. Instead, he does what he knows he should do, and lets out a quiet hum of confirmation. James walks over to the bed, crouching in front of Regulus, finally coming into his line of sight.

James has always been beautiful, there's no denying it. His brown skin decorated with moles and freckles, his eyes big and doe-like, framed by square shaped golden glasses. Beautiful.

"Hi, baby," James smiles, flashing his white smile. Regulus attempts to smile back as James presses a soft kiss to his cheekbone. "Are you feeling sick?"

"No." Regulus answers, quietly.

"You hate to rot in bed, love, why are you still under the covers?"

"I don't know, Jamie, just not feeling too brilliant." James cocks an eyebrow, chuckling softly.

"You're not sick, though?" James unwraps one of Regulus' arms from the blanket, holding his hand.

"Nevermind, it's hard to explain." Regulus shakes his head.

"Okay, love," James kisses his forehead, and rakes his hair back. "Talk to me about it if you find the words. I love you." As James leaves the room once more Regulus simply hums.

The next day, Regulus still doesn't feel right. James was right, he doesn't like to rot away in bed, so he gets up. Instead he spends the time cleaning his house. He should be at work. Fifth day in a row he's called in sick. No new articles from R.A.B are posted in the prophet.

James gets home, normal time, and does his usual routine. Regulus thinks he might smile at how clean their home is, but instead he nearly scowls.

Regulus seats James at their table, he made sure he had dinner laid out so James could eat as soon as he got home.

"What's going on, Regulus?"

"What?" Regulus answers simply, sitting at their large dining table.

"What's going on?" James and Regulus have both finished their meals, the plates discarded in the middle on the table.

"Nothing. The house was dirty, it was bothering me."

"Not the house, Reg, you. You would never clean the house, you hate cleaning. What's wrong?" James' eyebrows knit together, and Regulus is ready to deny it.

"I'm not sure what you mean, James, I got a little stir crazy and the house needed to be cleaned."

"Regulus if you were stir crazy, you'd attend work." Regulus is taken aback by this. He visibly flinches back.

"You're the one that told me I should take time off, James." Regulus scowls.

"That's not what I meant, Reg, and you know that. I mean, yesterday you were in bed all day. You didn't move an inch. I thought maybe you'd take the time to visit friends or something!"

"I visit my friends all the time, I don't know what your on about." Regulus crosses his arms and leans back further into his chair.

"Really?" James scoffs, "When's the last time you and Pandora had a brunch date?" Regulus scrunches his nose and thinks. He doesn't remember. "Exactly."

"What do you want me to say James? It's like you don't even understand me anymore." But James is quick to clap back.

"I don't understand because you never talk to me about anything!" Regulus looks down at his fingers, picking at the skin around his nails, tracing over the veins. "Is this what you want, Regulus? Us fighting all the fucking time!?" James slams his hand on the table, and Regulus can't help but to flinch. He looks at the ground, and freezes. What is he to do?

James seems to notice almost instantly, just as Regulus' lip starts to wobble. "Oh, honey, please, I didn't mean too. I'm sorry, please, baby, I'm so sorry." James walks over to him and kneels on the ground, taking both of Regulus' hands into his own.

"I-." Regulus cuts himself off, trying to keep the tears in his eyes. He can't let James see him cry, not like that.

"C'mon, baby, I didn't mean it. I would never hurt you, I love you, you know that." But Regulus knows all too well that love can quickly be turned into violence.

"Sirius." Is all Regulus can even think at this moment.

"Sirius?"

"Get Sirius." Regulus can muster, his hands tightened into fists, his nails digging into his flesh. James nods, sadly almost, and stands up. He goes through the floo, and he doesn't return, only Sirius stands in his place.

"What's wrong, Reg?" Regulus can barely move his eyes to look up at his brother, "What happened."

That's when Regulus breaks down. He lets his face crumple up, tears stream down his pale face.

"He yelled at me," Regulus sobs into his hands, "and-" he sniffles softly, "and he hit the table." He shakes his head, he sounds so pathetic. "It just scared me, you know? Reminded me of when mama and father got into arguments."

"Oh, Reggie," Sirius holds one of Regulus' hands in his own, pouting slightly. "He's nothing like mum and dad, darling, he'd never hurt you."

"That's the worst part, Sirius, I flinched. I didn't see the look on his face but I'd rather kill myself than see it. He thinks that I think he'll hurt me." Regulus sobs quietly now.

"He's okay, sweetheart. He's with Moony, they're talking about it. What's wrong? Is that head of yours bothering you?"

"It's happening again, Sirius, the bell. It's going off. It's time for me to let him go." Sirius shakes his head.

"Oh, you stupid, stupid, brilliant boy." Regulus almost laughs, "Ignore the stupid bell, it means nothing. You're afraid that he's got better things to do, is that right?" Regulus nods, "Come on, Reg. He's a professional quidditch player, he has a loving boyfriend and an amazing family. What else could he ask for?" Regulus trys to think, but he comes up empty handed.

"I don't know."

"Exactly. His life is nothing short of perfect. He loves you."

"Can you go get him?" Regulus says once he's finally dry of tears.

"I'll be happy to." So, Sirius goes and James comes through the fireplace once more. He doesn't move he just stands there.

"What are you doing, James, come out?" James sighs and slightly relaxes his tense body.

"Remus told me I should give you space." James' face is slightly pink, probably from crying.

"That doesn't mean literally, stupid." Regulus let's out a sigh and opens his arms up. James slowly, cautiously, steps into them, tightening his arms around Regulus' waist. "You don't frighten me, James, please know that." James starts to quietly cry into the crook of Regulus' neck.

"I'm so sorry, mi estrella, I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you."

"I know, mon amour, I know, I love you too, Jamie."