#originally it was supposed to be a comic series to be like angsty and lovely but i scrapped it bc its prob stupid 🙂

[hiimtheproblem87times]

Grapes dou???

Purple Forgor to tell Green that they had a tattoo in the back

[genericpuff]

(disclaimer, this is coming from a heartstopper fan! i love heartstopper this is not hate!!)

i think at least part of the annoyance with heartstopper isn't just that isn't a light fluffy ya series, it's also that its another example of how the queer media that gets the most mainstream attention tends to be this kind of light fluffy ya stuff that focuses on two conventially attractive queer boys or men and it also tends to be written by people who aren't queer men on top of that, so not only can it feel very samey but it can feel like other queer people are relegated to side characters in the stories of cis gay men. and as someone who loves heartstopper i get that on some level.

btw by "written by people who aren't queer men" NOT saying that isn't not written by queer people. alice oseman is genderfluid and aroace, becky albertalli is bisexual, etc. and while i think the point is still valid there is a misogyny element in that a lot of the focus is put on things that are written by women or people they perceive as women while tumblr darlings like good omens and ofmd (written by presumably straight men) don't get the same treatment.

nah y'know what, that's fair, I can get how frustrating it can be for a lot of popular queer stories to feel samey, I've definitely gotten BL-fatigue in the past on platforms like WT and Tapas because many of them ARE the same and feel like they're just piggybacking off trends for the sake of clout (and this is a problem in the heterocis romance stories too, don't get me fucking started on how dark romance has turned into torture porn where vulnerable women are constantly being victimized by rich powerful men and we're just supposed to root for that ??), but it's one of those things where like, what might be seen as just more corny shit could very well be the revelation another person needs that they're gay / trans / etc. that the story helped them realize. there's just a point where i see these arguments against cheesy popular queer stories that teeter dangerously close to being queerphobic and, as you said, misogynist, simply because "it was written by someone who i perceive as a woman so that makes it BAD!"

and I didn't mention it in the original post because I didn't want to @ OP in any way but in the comment section they literally said "i dont think heartstopper itself is all that bad but it has pretty much aimed the direction of all mainstream gay comics towards wholesomeness instead of anything more interesting so i want to destroy heartstopper to destroy heartstopper clones" and that gives me massive ick because it implies their sole reasoning for including it was "chill and happy queer stories bad, if a character doesn't suffer enough then they're not interesting"?? why can't LGBTQ+ audiences have more 'vanilla' stories that aren't all sad and angsty all the time? are we not entitled to the same corny romcom vanilla shit that the heterocis are entitled to? why do LGBTQ+ characters - and by extension, people - have to suffer to qualify as being 'interesting'? You're already interesting, you're you! like i'm sorry, are we trying to scare people straight??? 😭 shit, that's even a plot point that's touched on in Heartstopper itself where Nick is questioning his sexuality and he starts googling shit and it's just ALL the terrifying news stories of queer kids being ostracized / bullied / murdered / etc. and as much as it's important to be aware of the ongoing issues so we can keep fighting for our rights, we ALSO need to find balance and remember to celebrate the stories that AREN'T that because we need something to be hopeful for, something we can find peace in. I don't think Heartstopper is some deeply profound piece of work, but it also doesn't seem like it's trying to be? It's a low stakes celebration of the LGBTQ+ experience that's very warm and comforting, especially for those who are the same ages as the main characters who are often being persuaded by the grown-ups around them that it's a death sentence to be gay / trans / etc.

and it's not like we HAVEN'T had popular pieces of queer representative media that explored things outside of cheesy BL, like are we forgetting about Nimona which explored both the gay and genderfluid experience in a very accessible and fun way while still being mature and not pandering to its audience over how society has made monsters out of queer people?

(and even then I'm sure there are folks who would argue "actually, here are the issues with Nimona" , and that's fine tbh, we can like media and appreciate what it brings to the table while also discussing what it lacks in, such as what we're doing now with Heartstopper! progress is a never-ending journey!!)

and also okay, not me trying to be argumentative in the slightest BUT I don't really get the argument that 'other queer people' are being sidelined for the main characters? unless there's something I'm missing here lol (I will apologize for that because it's admittedly been a while since I've re-read Heartstopper so I should probably go do that to refresh myself on it). like i say that in the sense that Heartstopper is clearly meant to be about two gay male teenagers. just like how Nimona is about a shapeshifter who is not a girl or a boy (they're Nimona!) and a gay man who are both trying to change the system that's other'd them for years for the better. that is the story Heartstopper is trying to tell and it achieves that. it also has a trans character plotline that I could see people arguing feels sidelined but I think there's a massive difference between 'sidelining' and just having a B plot ? my honest take with that is not every piece of representative media is going to be able to cover every single topic, it's just not doable for one piece of media to be a monolith for everything, the same as how one person can't be a monolith for an entire community of people. BUT that doesn't mean works like Heartstopper and Nimona can't inspire others to also lend their voices into the medium and create that representation that's needed. That's why we need ✨variety✨ and Heartstopper is part of that variety by offering a more vanilla cutesy story full of good vibes for people who want that sort of thing.

IDK, I think there's just a lot of nuance that's being missed in that poll, and in the difference between Heartstopper inspiring more people to write happy cozy BL stories vs. implying that it's had an actual negative influence on modern art and media in the same way that series like Homestuck and LO have to the point that people think it needs to be destroyed, like wtf LOL Like they're not even comparable IMO and a lot of the arguments I see people making about why it is just feel a little backwards, and those arguments obfuscate the real issue which is just "popular thing is popular and people like to piggyback off popular shit". That's a fact for basically any niche and genre, these trends come and go. Even if the whole cutesy BL trend passes one day (which it will) it'll be replaced by something else that people will also inevitably find samey and boring after a while. This is not a concept that's unique to LGBTQ+ media, it's universal.

Balance is important and I think finding that balance is as much a responsibility on the shoulders of the consumer as it is on the creator. And I don't think Heartstopper deserves to be put into the same camp as stories like LO which literally straightwashes its canonically queer characters and gives those queer identities to nothingburger characters who are easy to shoo out of the plot to make way for the heterocis ones (while still parading itself around like it's actually 'queer rep' which... it really isn't.) Like all three of the comics in that poll are vastly different, serving different audiences, with different goals and intentions. It's comparing apples to oranges to pineapples.

The worst Heartstopper has to offer is just a low stakes plot that might not appeal to everyone or feel 'samey' which yeah, valid, but in the grander sense of whether or not it's had a negative effect on queer media just for being... cheesy? And inspiring other people to write stories like it? I don't get the argument, it feels like it's severely missing the point of what we're fighting for here - to live happy little unbothered lives - but that's just me ╮(￣ω￣;)╭ I'm definitely not trying to be a dick about it in any way and I don't want anyone to think I'm not open to the opposing points here, I do agree with you on the oversaturation of samey BL stories, but it just rose some massive red flags to see Heartstopper next to frigging Homestuck and Lore Olympus LOL

[mk-wizard]

Top 10 Things that need to change in today's media for it to get better

1- Let go of ideas that are just not working and do so with grace. - I am not going to judge anyone, big or small, for having trouble letting go of a project or idea because I've been there and done that. Sometimes, I still do. We get attached to our ideas and become emotionally invested in them after all. However, sometimes, the best thing you can do for a story is to call it quits if there's just no way to make it work. More importantly, you have to do it gracefully and take it as a learning experience. You are not a failure as an artist. If anything, it takes a big person to let go of a bad idea. A lot of studios would benefit from this practice.

2- Have actual fun when creating something. - Creating a new show, film, comic, etc. should bring you joy and a sense of fulfilment because every work of art is an extension of your heart. Don't just create something with the hope of being famous. In fact, that should always come second. Instead, focus on making a great work of art and makes you feel great even if it isn't perfect or "cool". It's yours. If anything, that is the kind of media we need to see more of.

3- Focus on the quality of the art. - This isn't to say that you shouldn't your best foot forward. ALWAYS put your best foot forward. ALWAYS put effort into what you're doing because every time you do, it's a performance so give the audience a show they'll applaud you for. In fact, many of my favourite films, shows and comics were of genres that were not cup of tea, but they were so beautifully done, I loved them anyway.

4- Let imagination be an escape from reality. - There is nothing wrong with touching real world topics or having a fictional world mirror the real world or real world elements to an extent. However, there is everything wrong with forgetting that a fantasy is a fantasy. It's ok for it to focus on escapism, imagination, the magic and not even hint at real world politics, social issues or problems. Imagination is supposed to the one place where real world problems don't matter and don't exist, and that's a good thing.

5- Normalize creative freedom. - Pardon my bluntness, but I think following "rules" when it comes to art, comics and anything fictional is ridiculous. None of it is real and all of it is kind of weird when you stop and look at it. I say, be brave, be original and embrace the weirdness. Writing new weird stuff is a lot of fun and from what I see, audiences love it. Checklists and rulebooks be damned. Write what comes naturally to you because when it comes to art, natural beauty shines.

6- Love the audience as unconditionally as you want to be loved. - In the war between artist vs. audience, there are no winners, so let's stop it. Creators are nothing without their audience and audiences need art. There is only one kind of audience at the end of the day which is the audience that is willing to see what you've got. Everything else about them like their gender, race, colour, religion, politics, lifestyle, etc. are details and do not matter. What matters is that they love what you do and seem to love you, so love them back. Let's all love each other again, be kind to one another again, and support each other again even when we mess up.

7- Normalize beauty again. - And I don't just mean physical beauty though we need that to make a comeback too because beauty shaming is just another form a body shaming. I mean beauty in the way the characters act. Can we bring back heroes who are positive, real healthy friendships, romances that last for life and showing there is value is uplifting, fun and happy stories and characters again? Everything is so dramatic, angsty and nihilistic now. There are too many great TV series I stopped watching because the plots because too much and the characters became too unlikable. I mean, you wouldn't bake a cake that's unlikable on purpose, so why are making characters that are unlikable on purpose? Being the person who stays positive and smiles in face of adversity is badass too.

8- You don't have to be the first. - You know the old saying "there doesn't have to be a first for everything"? Well, I'm going to flip that saying slightly into "you don't have to be the first at everything". It's ok to write another magical girl anime, another superhero film, another World of Warcraft inspired story, another adaptation of a famous fairy tale or book, or even make a reboot of another media. Focus on making the best version you can instead. Being the first is cool, but being the best is wicked and that's what people truly remember.

9- Laugh at yourself. - We're all human here. We mess up, we make mistake and sometimes, we make films, comics, shows, etc. that flop. And that's ok. It's just fiction. If anything, have fun with how bad it is like RoboCop 3 did or how even Terminator 3 parodied itself at times. Don't take failure so personally especially when it comes to art because even bad art is still kind of fun. People like laughing at it, so laugh with them and just take note of what didn't work. It happens.

10- Don't give up. - Not everyone strikes gold with their first piece. In fact, for many people, it took a couple of tries and their biggest project ever was going in the background for decades. I should know because I walked in those shoes. My current comic is decades worth of writing, rewriting, reinventing and more. The point is that you keep trying, you keep putting yourself out there and you keep making great art, and you will make it. Remember, the entertainment industry is not a contest. It's a marathon. You only really lose once you stop running, so don't stop now.

Anyway, I hope my list reaches out to people and makes a positive impact on the media world because I do think we can get back on track. We all fall off the wagon sometimes and the media is not the exception.

And it's ok. Sometimes, we just need the right push to get back on.

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #18: the prologue (briefly) and meat p1

----brief context----

i sorta fell out of homestuck a little after i finished it and its november now but in light of james roach reviving homestuck beyond canon i figured i might as well get the ball rolling on this. i originally started this post in september but i couldnt find it in myself to continue reading due to not liking where the story was going and also finding myself having a new hyperfixation

----end of context----

september 7th:

okay im gonna make a rule that this shit show thats about to happen is NOT CANON to me and in my head they won and then they created earth c and they all lived happily without any of this inane bullshit thats coming up.

ok to start off look at these fucking tags dude oh my god this is gonna be so BAD man what the FUCK did they do to these characters

theres no art which actually sucks! but with these tags maybe its good they didnt show this in images. instead they just describe it in excruciating detail. anyway, here's the first character interaction in here.... they both feel different. even in this brief exchange, something feels... off. maybe its just cause theyre older but they feel distinctly more... angsty? maybe they just seem sad. i dunno. homestuck has its sad moments but for the most part the characters arent like. sad people

/rolls eyes yeah i like the reference but not in this context...

ok so rose just explained what john has to do which is go back into canon and defeat lord english but.... this is really fucked up man . she knows

meat or candy.... fuck which one should i read first.... do i wanna be sad sooner or sad later ... MAN the epilogues SUCK!!!!! FUCK

um okay this is really gross. what is the point of this?? like EW john what the fuck

ok this is fine i guess i mean i like davekat

i guess i also like how he still has this weird obsession with obama

november 10th:

im back . but i think updates to this series will be slower. i need to ease myself back into it yknow? also. if i hadnt made it clear. i DO NOT LIKE the epilogues. especially because homestuck proper is my FAVORITE MEDIA OF ALL TIME. seeing the characters i love ruined like this in what is the most official capacity it could be in is.... just. sad to me. anyway. dave predicts the future about obama . cool.

yeah i do too man. cant have shit around here

yeah like. what even is this plot. jane has become this evil xenophobic cartoon ass villain. and everyones just like. damn thats crazy that shes just like that now. i also dont even understand WHY she wants to be president of earth c. like literally everyone else is just chilling. god whatever

brother he is not coming back

also, this has nothing to do with the epilogues per se. but at the time of writing this tomorrow will be 11/11. i am a little bit expecting a homestuck beyond canon updateeee hehehe . also burning down the house which is a really really good homestuck fan comic is supposed to update too. so awesome. hopefully both of those things happen. or even like. just one. anyway back to this slop

casual dave xenophobia classic dave you know how it is he would definitely be like this for real i believe this

man this would be so cool if it was like. drawn. i wish i could see it instead of having to envision it in my minds eye. not that i dont appreciate my minds eye for what she has to offer me but. imagine this what this panel would look like

noooooo FUCK

stares at you furiously judgementally

okay both of them most likely dont know shit about shit and neither do i but dave at least grew up in a time where there were people around and things happening and dirk thinks he knows everything but he actually doesnt know anything so i wouldnt trust him on fiscal policy

fym nuh uh

average teen roxy adult john interaction

literally down ontologically at this point

blah blah blah ultimate self blah blah evil arc WHO CARES. im bored. can i say that. i seriously D. GAF about dirk rn. monkey d. gaf

bro i fucking HATE JANE. LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING RIGHT NOW

i dont have much to say about this i just thought it was worth putting here

nah. cause what the hell are you talking about girl. hello. why is she so horny. ong bro u gotta relax

okay well. this is pretty funny . hes dave and im karkat and we are the denial brothers

youre so intolerable is crazy. like hes trying to help you because you are bleeding tf out girl

wow. jane jake kiss. this rules. SAID NO ONE EVER. jake is asexual. jane is a nazi. and I. AM TIRED. OF THIS!!!!!!! I DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING .

wait fuck

marvel ass dialogue

NOOOO WHAT THE FUCK

okay this is the end of the first epilogues post. initial thoughts i dont like it why did i do this i dont wanna do it. but you know what they say in order to ascend first you must descend. little homestuck reference for you all. um idk when the next post will be im sorta busier than i used to be. and also? this sucks i dont like reading it

[tarnishedxknight]

2. How did you get into this franchise/fandom? 3. What's the best thing about the show/series/books/comics/etc.? 4. What's the worst thing about the show/series/books/comics/etc.? 14. Are there some characters from the franchise you can't stand? 19. If you could sum up your character with one sentence, what would it be? ((for all of them!)) 20. Which song do you feel describes your character the most and why?

{out of dalmasca} Alrighty, here we go! XD Under the cut for length.

2. How did you get into this franchise/fandom?

Well, I'm ridiculously old (I turn 43 next week, dear gods how did I get this old?!), so I got into the Final Fantasy franchise in general back in 1994 with FFVI, which was essentially a later reboot of FFIII that had originally been released in 1990. From there I played FFVIII and loved it, played FFIX and hated it, then I adored FFX, and then FFXII is my favorite one to date. I started playing FF games mostly because my friends were at the time, and then later on my (now ex-)boyfriend was playing them, but I tended to like different games than he did (his favorite was FFVII and I never got very far into that one).

As far as getting into the FFXII fandom, I basically just loved FFX so much that I figured I'd buy the next single-player FF game that came out, expecting the quality to be the same. It... was better, heh. So I'd already been loving FF games and a lot of other RPGs at the time and it sounded right up my alley. Once I got a decent way through the game, I absolutely fell in love with Basch/Noah, Balthier/Fran, Larsa, and several others, so I guess at that point I decided to immerse myself in the fandom. I got very into the sound track and started looking up information about the game and the Japanese manga after hearing that the original game had been altered and chopped up to make Vaan/Penelo the protagonist instead of Basch/Noah. So after that I got very much into reading any and all information I could find about Basch and Noah's background and history that wasn't included or was edited out of the final version of the game. It wasn't until very recently that I decided to start rping in the fandom on this site.

3. What's the best thing about the show/series/books/comics/etc.?

Oh, I can't pick just one, are you kidding me? XD The music is beautiful, the art style is gorgeous, the world is detailed and expansive, the voice acting is top notch, and the gameplay is genuinely fun. But I guess what I love the most is the story and characters. The story is so complex, detailed, and intriguing, and the characters are nuanced, engaging, and you really cared about their problems/plights/goals. The game holds your interest and makes you not only want to play it to pass time or just for the sake of playing a game, but also to advance the story and find out what happens to all these interconnected people.

4. What's the worst thing about the show/series/books/comics/etc.?

The butcher job they did on it. Because they suddenly thought that nobody wanted to see an angsty middle-aged man as a protagonist, it was changed from Basch to Vaan. Vaan... is a grating, whiny, obnoxious teenager that 95% of the fandom hates. His and his friend Penelo's story was kindof thrown in as an afterthought to "fix" a problem that didn't exist and change the protagonist. The problem with that is... it's supposed to be the main plot but it feels like an afterthought. Which then destabilized the whole plot as far as where the player is supposed to be focusing their attention. The more interesting plots become side plots, and this Vaan and Penelo thing gets forced on you when you really just don't care.

Also, because they did this, they removed an entire chunk of game from the middle-end of it because it was largely dealing with Basch and Noah. When they did this, they didn't carefully edit the last act of the game to account for the omission. So the last act refers to things that were removed or has things that don't match up and feel like continuity errors because the things they referred to or previous events that lead to later ones were omitted without explanation. It's so obvious that the game was mangled, and it's just a crying shame. If they had left it alone, it would have been amazing.

14. Are there some characters from the franchise you can't stand?

VAAN. Vaan. Vaan. It's Vaan. I can't stand Vaan. Penelo isn't half as bad, but she's not good either. She's just... there. But both of them I dislike for OOC reasons. Vaan is irritating and uninteresting. Penelo is one-dimensional and boring. That's just the fault of bad writing and editing. Now... Vayne... I also hate, but that's for IC reasons. The man is a narcissistic sociopath, an adroit liar, and an arrogant, smug asshole. I also have never been able to stand Vossler. He's... He gives off skeevy creep vibes and I just can't listen to him for too long, heh.

19. If you could sum up your character with one sentence, what would it be? ((for all of them!))

Haha okay get ready for some long-ass sentences. XD

Basch is a walking oxymoron of a selfless, gentle, and kind man and a battle-hardened knight and general who gives freely of himself to support, uplift, motivate, and protect those around him as he navigates the brutal war that destroyed his homeland with an inspiring amount of hope for the future.

Ashelia is a spirited and opinionated young princess who overcomes her biased, sexist, sheltered, and privileged upbringing to gain humility and perspective, become a champion for her people, and help bring about lasting peace for her kingdom while learning to set aside personal grudges and her own fierce pride.

Noah is a resilient and tenacious survivor who, despite feeling and being told he is lesser and harboring a deep and lifelong anger towards his brother, gave his life in every way possible to bring about stability and peace within a brutal empire and end the war that destroyed his homeland and his peace of mind.

20. Which song do you feel describes your character the most and why?

You all are probably tired of hearing about these songs on this blog by now, but here we go, haha:

Basch: "Broken" by Sonata Arctica

So I just realized that the fanvid of Basch that someone made to this song that I've loved for years now has been taken down from YouTube, so that makes me sad. That vid was really well done. But anyway, "Broken" will forever be my theme song for Basch. It does have the focus of him pining for Ashe but it's so much more than that. Every time I hear it, I think of him, heh.

"I was raised from a broken seed. I grew up to be an unwanted weed." Those lyrics make me think of him being a twin without his twin, a broken seed, but also "seed" is sometimes used to describe a person's personality or morality, such as being a "bad seed." If Basch is a "broken seed," then there's something inherently wrong with him, and there always has been, right from the start, which is how he views himself. Later lyrics "A little broken, always been," reinforce that idea. And being an "unwanted weed" makes me think of him being displaced from Landis. A landless person struggling to fit in elsewhere. Even in Dalmasca, a land he loved and considered his home, he was still a foreigner, a "weed."

"Held a torch for you when lightning struck me" makes me think of him trying to protect Ashe and even her father, or anyone else he tried to shield, not caring if he's hurt as long as his charge is safe. "Once again, hoped I'd died for the last time," makes me think of how tiring it must be to keep giving of himself and to be that shield for others, and every time he's put in that situation, he hopes it's the last. But of course it never is.

"Only one, I have a thing greater than you. A little light on the sky, every night." His "only one" is Ashe, and as much as he loves her, there's something that's even stronger inside him than that love, and that's this "light on the sky," a guiding star "every night," which I interpret as Basch's undying and unshakable hope that he always walks around with.

"Morning dew on the field where I met you. I was frozen a year, couldn't get through." I mean, he was imprisoned for two years, not one, but close enough, haha. But yeah this makes me think of him being stuck in prison and not being able to get to her to protect her and guide her to the Stillshrine as her father asked him to do.

"Fell in love with the weakness within me. Tried to force me the ring and own me. Guess you found what you'd think would oblige me, a little version of me to consume you." So... the "weakness" is his love for Ashe, and "force me the ring" makes me think of how his feelings for her first began when he saw her married to Rasler and realized that he felt sadness and a little jealousy for the first time. So "the ring," or her marriage is an unwanted thing that's being forced upon him to accept, he has no choice but to watch her be married to someone else. The "little version of me to consume you," makes me think of how Ashelia took Basch for granted a lot, just assumed he'd always be there, and related to him as she always had, with limited information about who he really was because he didn't talk about it. So it was like... she had her own idea of who he was that she "loved" in her own way, and Basch feels like that has to suffice, like that has to be enough for him, even though it isn't.

"I'd give my everything to you, follow you through the Garden of Oblivion." I mean, the first part speaks for itself, and the "Garden of Oblivion... the person who made the fanvid put a clip of Giruvegan here, and that's perfect. Giruvegan was this really weird, ethereal, trippy place that was like on the edge of reality, and Basch literally did follow Ashe there, heh, so that fits really well.

"If only I could tell you everything, the little things you'll never dare to ask me." So this could be about his love for her, but I always headcanoned that Ashe wanted to know more about Basch, his past, his family, Landis, etc. and Basch really just never spoke about much of it to her. That's why she never knew of Noah's existence until after her father's assassination.

"How can you love this exile? And how can I desire you when my pain is my pain, and yours is too?" I mean... Ashelia literally was in "exile" or hiding at least for two years and continued to be until she got knee deep in winning back her throne. But also, the idea of Basch taking on the pain of others that he loves is a big theme with him. If he loves you, then your problems, your traumas, your losses, your pain... becomes his, because he will care about them to the same degree that he does his own.

"Seven lives of a man pass before me. Seven graves, one for every love I've had," really fits for Basch because throughout his life, he has lost the people he loves. It seems to keep happening to him and around him, and yet he keeps living on. I feel like sometimes he wonders why. "Only once I have broken my so-called heart. Only one made me see why they cry." Well that is obviously about Ashe, heh. I always headcanoned that, because Basch was so closed off and never had a family of his own, that he'd never been with a woman. So everything he knew about women he heard from other knights and soldiers. This line to me makes me think about him hearing from others about broken hearts and failed relationships, and Ashe is his only experience with that in his own life.

"Will I learn how to be one of you someday? Will I still feel the eyes that behold me?" makes me think about Basch wanting to fit in, to be loved, to be Dalmascan, but he's just... not. And feeling eyes on him is a big theme for his character throughout the game. He's judged, slandered, hated, and mocked everywhere he goes because of the false understanding the masses have that he murdered King Raminas. So he's gone from being beloved, trusted, and respected to being a complete social pariah.

"Will I hear what you think when you see me? And will it tear me apart if you feel for me?" is again about Ashe, heh. He keeps his love for her silent. Completely. There are moments in the game (I can think of at least three or four) where he watches Ashe from behind or the side when she's looking elsewhere, and he just... considers her silently with this gentle reverence. But he never tells her how he feels in canon until Fortress, the sequel that never happened. Finally in the storyboards for that unfinished game, Basch confessed to Ashe that he loved her, some ten years after the end of the FFXII main game. So that line to me embodies this silent and distant way he loves her, both because he's a closed off person but also because he feels his love for her is wrong in several ways. And if she were ever to reciprocate his feelings, he wonders if it would tear him apart, which I translate into... he wouldn't even know what to do with her love if he had it because it's something he does not ever expect to have and has never even considered the possibility of it existing. It would be a good thing, but it would also shock him considerably.

I could go on and do the whole song but I won't, haha. But almost all of it is just so perfect. I'll end with, "Heaven's closed, Hell sold out, so I walk on Earth, behind the curtain, hidden from everyone, until I find a new life to ruin again." This is about Basch existing in this in-between of society, coming from a destroyed homeland and now dealing with the next homeland potentially being destroyed as well, and coming from being a respected knight to a "kingslayer" whose name is despised throughout Ivalice. He walks around in this state of feeling like he ruins everything he touches, moving from life to life, ruining them as he goes, somewhere in between heaven and hell.

Ashelia: "Cry No More" by Vaults

To me, this song embodies Ashe's growth as a character and what her coming-of-age arc is all about, and that's why it's my #1 theme song for her. This song for me is about Ashelia transitioning from princess to queen, from civilian to warrior, and from victim to survivor. The lyrics "I don't wanna cry no more. I don't wanna die a little more every day," reminds me of how she was born in war, grew up in war, and all she knows is life from the perspective of her, her family, and her kingdom being under threat from war. And she's tired of it. She's tired of crying and dying inside at every loss and setback and injustice. She doesn't want to cry anymore or be passive, she wants to take action, for her and her kingdom.

The chorus is meaningful as well. "To pull yourself from harm. To be the braver one. To raise a weary hand in a house that's built on sand. To wear it like a crown. To kick before you drown. To fight it, and to cry no more." This is about her fighting back and owning it instead of being a victim. She's not letting life happen to her anymore, she's making it happen, and she chooses to fight back and do something before she "drowns." It's also about her becoming the leader Dalmasca needs instead of a child whose life is dictated for her.

The "house that's built on sand" is just too perfect because Dalmasca is a desert country, but also to me, being built on sand means its unstable. It could collapse at any time, figuratively and literally. So in this uncertainty and instability, she's choosing to make a stand.

"To wear it like a crown" is also relevant, as Ashe's story is really about her quest for the throne of Dalmasca, both figuratively and literally. She wants to sit on that throne and wear that crown and become queen, but she also has to grow as a person and earn that honor before she can be the queen her people need.

"Will I be the warrior? Or will the axe shine clean? Steely-eyed, your blood'll burn. I will save our lives." That to me is about determination, fierceness, and tenacity. It's about her making the choice to move from being a sheltered princess who was never permitted to see or engage in the war around her, to becoming a warrior herself, and again that ownership of the leader she is becoming and that her people need. Before her husband and father died, she was basically meant to be shuffled from one man (her dad) to another (her husband) and to take this passive backseat in her own country's fate, as decided for her by others. Here she's asking herself, am I going to stick to that life or am I going to become a warrior myself? And her choice is that she's going to fight back and save Dalmasca.

Noah: "Heavy Is The Crown" by Daughtry

First of all, let me say that Chris Daughtry has an absolutely amazing voice, and his edgy, growling, yelling style has the exact energy that I feel from Noah quite regularly when I write him. He's also got an edgy, nonchalant, alpha-male sort of style to his singing, and that matches Noah too. So it's not only the lyrics of this song that fit him, but the feel and passion as well. If you watch the video, Chris' whole vibe matches Noah's energy for me so well.

Alright, so Noah was never a king and didn't wear a literal crown, but the idea of the phrase "heavy is the head that wears the crown" really has to do with leaders bearing a ton of responsibility, having a lot of problems, being in a lot of danger, and having a lot to worry about. Their burden is great. As the sort of unspoken leader of the Judge Magisters and the one whose example kept others from rebelling and potentially destabilizing the Archadian Empire, Noah as Gabranth really did wear a heavy "crown." He's constantly aware of his precarious political and military position and who/what he's keeping at bay and why, and it's no small burden to him. But it's one that he has worked hard for, bears with no small amount of tenacity, and will defend to his grave.

"Never needed any reason to find deliverance." This for me is about never needing to explain himself or to try to escape his past. Instead, he embraces the pain and trauma his past has given him and uses it to fuel him. "Like a cancer running through my veins, oh... it's never gonna give in," could be more literally about the nethicite poisoning he acquired as a boy, or it could be more figuratively about the abuse he suffered and how it will always stick with him wherever he goes.

"See them march like lambs to the slaughter. Toy soldiers, line up on the altar. I was never meant to drink that water. They'll remember me when I'm underground." This is him saying he's not just going to be another statistic or a face in the crowd. He's not going to fall in line and be forgotten to history after he's "underground," meaning dead. He was "never meant to drink that water," he was meant for something more. He was meant to lead, not to follow. This is about Noah wanting to acknowledge what shaped him but then wanting to rise above it and to become someone important. He wants to make something of himself that will be remembered.

"Heavy is the crown. Never falter, never let 'em bleed you out. I'll be still standing when they try to bring my castle down. I'll never bow down." Now, some might say well, he did bow to Vayne when he killed Drace. Yes? Outwardly? But that was a calculated move for the higher purpose of keeping stability in the empire, not because he was subservient to Vayne. And he does challenge Vayne at the end of the game to protect Larsa. But regardless, this chorus to me is just about Noah's tenacity to survive and not be a victim anymore. He will never bow down, he's gonna go out fighting. And he did in the game. But it's also about the phrase "never let 'em see ya sweat," heh. Basically, that means... no matter how much someone gets to you, how much things bother you, or how bad you feel... project strength and push through. Persevere. Don't let them catch you faltering. And he had to do a great deal of that as Judge Magister in the face of challenges from his peers.

"When the weight of the world crashes, pushing you closer to the edge, you find a way to get a little bit stronger, to fight off the demons." If this isn't Noah to a T, haha. He's constantly on "the edge," especially my version of him is. I write him perhaps a bit more emotionally volatile than canon or than other people's interpretations. He keeps it together where and when he needs to, but in private, he falls apart. He has to, because he's got to release that stress. With Basch in the game, that stress came to the forefront, and his usual outward composure really slipped, but other than with him, Noah usually kept a close guard of his emotions. But that doesn't mean he still didn't feel crushed by the weight of everything, it just means that instead of letting it crush him fully, he uses that pressure to make himself stronger. Diamonds from coal, right? XD

But one last important line for Noah is, "Everything will fade away. Nothing in this world is meant to stay." Even in the game itself, Noah was always keenly aware of the passage of time around him, the loss of life, the impermanency of power and title, of war and peace. Everything is always in flux, and nothing and no one lasts forever. Having lost so much, no one understands that better than Noah.

His building of this persona for himself, this "crown" that he wears... it's not for himself. Sure, he has something he needs to prove to himself, or maybe to Basch, or to life in general... and that's just that he's a survivor that won't be cast aside or beaten down. But beyond that, the power that Noah amasses is not for himself. It's not so that he can usurp the throne or amass his own empire or conquer other lands or anything like that. All the power he accumulates is so that he can protect Larsa, whom he sees as the future of the empire, and therefore to do his part in orchestrating an end to the war. He knows he will not live to see the end of the war. He knows he won't get to reap the benefits of his hard work and power. And that's fine, he doesn't need to. Everything he does is for the future of Ivalice, not for himself. With, of course, the exception of his outbursts to Basch, haha.

This all got SO LOOOOONG, I'm sorry! But thank you for sending these in, they were a lot of fun to answer! ^_^

[fatekeepers]

Story of the Fatekeepers Info Post!

Haha. This has been a long time coming. Honestly, while I've been very serious about this story, I've floundered when it comes to advertising it. It seems all I can manage are incorrect quotes. But I want that to change, so here's the first step.

What is this project even supposed to be?

The project, currently known as "Manda Kat's Story of the Fatekeepers" is an original story I've been 'developing' since childhood. I think the earliest records of it date back to comics and drawings I made in 2015, but since I didn't date my stuff, it could have been much earlier or later.

My intention and dream for this project is to create a three-season cartoon series. However, depending on time, budget or opportunities, it may manifest as a comic instead or both, which would be awesome.

It is a passion project for me and features many characters that I have deep personal connections to and while I am a content person, I feel like if I died without making anything of this story, I'd regret it at least a little bit.

So, what is the story about?

Oof. Hard question. A lot of things?

Joking aside, Fatekeepers is about a team of individuals, each from a different world, are hired by the Three Fates (old ladies who decide how the world works) to stop chaos from spreading through the multiple universes.

The characters are bright and unique, with a range of different designs and personalities. You're sure to find a character you like.

While the image below (the cover for a scrapped pitch) is old with out-of-date designs, it still gives an example of the variation between cast members which gives the core aesthetic of the show:

Each of the main characters will go through their own arc as the story progresses. Some arcs are dark and intriguing, while others are more lighthearted, giving viewers the chance to 'breathe' between the wilder episodes.

Since there will be some sad or intense plots (two of the main cast are dead, for goodness sake, it's gotta get pretty angsty) it's only fair to let people know that there will be some dark content such as death, suicide, abuse and loss. If an episode has potentially triggering or upsetting content, the plan is to have it properly marked as such so viewers can still enjoy the rest of the show and simply have episodes that might be harmful to them recapped later.

Despite the level of intensity, the show is going to be completely clean. There will be no nudity, sex, cursing or gratuitous violence. (No fight scenes beyond a Disney movie or something similar) I don't personally feel comfortable watching shows with those elements, so I will not be including in my own.

So, who is the show for?

Fatekeepers is written mostly for people like myself, teens and young adults who want zany, fun cartoons, but find current adult animation distasteful. I would probably say the show is targeted at the 13 and up demographic, considering how it's no more adult than most Disney Channel or Cartoon Network shows. The goal is for kids, teens and adults to be able to enjoy the show if they are cartoon fans.

My demographic is less of an age group than it is a community. And if you're in the community, you know who I'm talking about. You stalk animation studios, looking for new content, you watch reviews of Disney cartoons on YouTube, and you wish you could find that perfect show...

While I won't promise this will be that show, I do humbly offer it to be roasted, picked apart and (dare I say) loved if you'll accept it.

Cool! When can we expect this show?

Ah. Hahahhaha.

Oh, no. She's laughing. That's never a good sign.

Yeah, well, about that. I am currently twenty years old at the time of writing this with no animation or production experience. While I am passionate about this project and WILL turn it into something, you mark my words, I don't think it will be anytime soon.

That being said, I'm starting now. Because I know I'll never be ready. I'm currently writing the scripts for the entire series and working on some concept art. Once this is done, I plan on making a comic version of the first episode for investing purposes.

Of course, I won't be asking for a cent in support this project until I am confident in my abilities to make it a reality. I won't be one of those failed kickstarter nightmares. I plan on learning animation, but if I can't, I will plan on hiring animators. I will create a clear budgeting plan and talk to financial advisors because I know I don't know everything about this stuff.

Maybe it'll be ready in five years. More realistically ten years. I'd be fine if it took twenty years. Either way, I won't stop. Nothing will stop the Fatekeepers!

So this blog is here to show you what I'm doing with the project and to inspire you to chase your own dreams. Who cares if you don't have the experience? How else do you get experience besides just doing it? So do it!

If you have any questions about the project, the story or the gal behind it, please leave an ask! There is nothing I love more than chatting about the stuff I'm doing.

[galacticlamps]

Tagged by @the--highlanders​ ! Thanks!

How many works do you have on AO3?

13

What’s your total AO3 word count?

76,200

(oh what a nice even number - I should try to mess that up as soon as possible, shouldn’t I?)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Aw man is this intentionally worded to be really hard to answer? I get that it says ‘written’ and not ‘posted’ but then what constitutes a ‘fandom?’ I definitely wrote fics for stuff I was interested in long before I even knew the word ‘fic’ - I did it throughout my childhood, and then in high school, and while I didn’t do it as much in college, it still happened from time to time. So a lot of the books/movies/tv shows/plays/musicals I wrote things for aren’t really fandoms, and frankly, I had to check my old folder just now to even remember some of them existed. I’ll just list the ones that I know for sure had fandoms, since that’s more fun (and embarrassing), right?

Obviously Doctor Who, classic and modern, Torchwood, Sherlock Holmes (ironically more of these seem to be about the books, but yes, I will admit, some for that tv show too), Les Mis, a couple different Marvel comics & movies, Good Omens, hell, I even found a Night Vale fic in there just now.

And I know there are other older things not even in that folder, some of which never made it to a computer at all, so if I had to ballpark a number I’d probably say around 25ish but really, who knows?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Across the Gap

On the Spot

Expectations

Shards of Memories & Fragments of Glass

Itemized

(this was fun, I’d never noticed Ao3 even had a stats page until now lol)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I take a long time to do so but for the most part, I usually get around to it. The rare exception would be if I first saw the comment when I was super busy/distracted and then felt like way too much time passed before I noticed it again, that it might be awkward if I said something at that point.

I do genuinely enjoy hearing what people think, but I’m also weirdly terrified of making anyone feel like they have to reply to my comments. I know that’s probably a little strange, but it’s actually a large part of why I made this Ao3 account in the first place - my original one, from high school, is followed by some long-time friends of mine who aren’t interested in this fandom, some of whom are involved in art & writing professionally. The thought of anyone like that reading something I wrote out of friendliness or even just curiosity and potentially having to pretend they liked it for the same reasons stressed me tf out, so I like having this virtually anonymous one because I can relax knowing that anyone who reads or interacts with something I wrote has probably done so only because they wanted to, rather than feeling obligated, and there’s no pressure on them to be nice to me about it if anything I write or post annoys them - so I really hope nobody who does just know me as an anonymous blog has ever worried about offending me by not replying to something, trust me, I’m perfectly happy with it!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think I’ve really written any angsty endings? I guess the answer would have to be Reckless just because it involves the characters arguing about sad/weighty things and there isn’t really any solution to those issues - but even then I think I ended it with a kind of acceptance that stops it from really qualifying as angst? I also set it in the the same universe as other fics, so maybe that doesn’t even count as an ending? Am I that bad at ending things on angst? Lol

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Obviously none of the fics I’ve posted are crossovers but I’m trying to think now if any of my WIP’s are - I’ve definitely poached setting/premise ideas from other media, but in terms of actual crossovers . . . I’ve got a few cross-era or cross-Doctor, a few involving Torchwood, but that’s already the same universe, so the only thing that’d qualify as a true crossover would be some vague pieces of a fic where Jamie, Zoe, and Two end up on the Enterprise, since I think the 60s series of Star Trek and Dr Who feel kind of compatible, don’t they? In fact, aren’t there like officially licensed crossover comics or something? Or did I make that up? Idk, and the ideas are very loose, so it’s not much of a WIP either

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope, never

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I’ve never written smut, but I’m wondering if it’s possible that could change soon. There’s a longish multi-chapter fic I’ve been working on for a frankly embarrassing amount of time, and the plot does call for a sex scene at one point towards the end, but I can’t seem to make up my mind on how - uh, I guess the word is explicit? - it should get. I know I could easily do a fade to black/implication thing, but it’s kind of a source of contention and anxiety for the characters, so to skip over writing the actual scene and just revisit them afterwards rings of “and they slept together and now everything’s fine!” which feels kinda cheap to me - in this context, anyway - and not the right payoff for a long fic that’s otherwise more of an interpersonal drama/slightly a period piece, if I had to place it in a genre. I feel like my aversion to actually writing the scene might just be prudishness I should get over, or maybe just self-doubt, because I know I’d rather have a well-written, funny, character-development-supporting sex scene than nothing at all, but since I’ve never had any interest in writing a scene like that before, I don’t know if I can do it well, and I also don’t want to ruin a fic I’m otherwise proud of by doing it badly... ugh I have to figure this out

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I seriously doubt it

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, it’s gotta be Two & Jamie. I’ve shipped things before with varying levels of investment, but I’ve never been able to use the term ‘otp’ in a literal sense until I came across them, and now it’s already basically gone out of fashion, go figure!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m not sure if I have one? My WIP doc is huge, but I don’t actually intend to get around to finishing everything in it, so I’d like to think that anything I’ve currently singled out to complete can actually get done.

That said, I do have a few AU’s that I don’t really plan to finish, but it might be cool if I could. Two of them are for all the main + some supporting characters of the Second Doctor’s era - one’s a modern day school teachers AU, and the other is a typical fantasy/fairy tale AU. Another is just Two/Jamie, based on Doctor Faustus (specifically the Marlowe play version) but right now there are two different versions of the ending coexisting in my head. I’ve written parts of scenes & some gen. backstory for all of those ideas, but I don’t know if I’ll ever try to finish them, or what form a finished product would even take - a series of one-shots set in the same universe? one long multi-chapter fic with some kind of overarching plot? And the amount of context/worldbuilding a big AU like these would require might not make them very appealing fics for people to read, so maybe it is better if I just keep them to myself, since in my head I already know what’s going on in those worlds lol.

What are your writing strengths?

I honestly don’t know. I haven’t had a creative writing class since middle school, and since then I’ve only ever shown creative writing to others in a fandom context, so it’s been a while since I’ve discussed it or gotten critical feedback. I suppose when I work in other arts or even academic writing contexts, people usually say I’m kind of insightful or at least detail oriented, which might just be another way of saying I overthink things, but I like to imagine I’m decent at finding little points of interest to expand upon.

What are your writing weaknesses?

If you’ve read this far I feel like you must know what I’m about to say: I do not know how to be concise.

Usually when I’m writing a fic, I put down the dialogue first on its own, leaving out the action of the scene and whatever plot/context led there, even if I’ve already figured all of that out. But then when I go to add those things in, they’re always longer than I wanted them to be. I don’t mind writing something long, but I don’t want my fics to be a slog to get through either, and there can be a point at which the stuff I’ve added for context overwhelms the stuff that I wanted the fic to be about in the first place, so it becomes a structural/proportion issue too. I haven’t completely given up on any fics because of this yet, but there’s one I’ve been struggling with for a couple months now - probably because I’m even second-guessing myself on which scenes need to be written out and which can just be referenced like a recap. Hopefully I figure that one out soon.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

((this is karma isn’t it? i posted a fic last week with two words of gaelic in it and was worried about that and now this is karma))

In general, I don’t want to do it. I feel like you’ve gotta have a really good grasp of a language to write dialogue & speech patterns for someone who’s a native speaker, and since I’m far from fluent in any language the characters I write for are, I wouldn’t feel confident writing any significant amount of dialogue in, say, Gaelic.

As a sidenote, though, I kinda love it when other people do it, particularly for Jamie. Irish (Gaeilge) and Scottish (Gàidhlig) are both languages I’ve wanted to learn for a long time, because my family’s fresh out of living speakers of either & I think that’s a shame, but I started with Irish and at the moment I’m still very much learning it. As different as they are, it still helps me understand parts of lyrics or texts that I come across in Gàidhlig fairly frequently, so when it comes up in a fic I get to feel like I’m being responsible and practicing, and it’s great when I can actually understand what’s being said.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’m gonna go with Harry Potter even though that’s probably not a perfectly accurate answer - it’s almost certainly the first thing that has a fandom that I ever wrote for, but it was in a notebook when I was a kid and never something that I even typed on a computer, much less posted online or shared with other members of a fandom. But even then, I’m sure it wasn’t the first pre-existing fictional universe I ever set an original story in, because I did that a lot when I was a kid, it’s just hard to remember those clearly or on any kind of timeline.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I’m very partial to Across the Gap, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that ranked first on the kudos thing above - but I’ve also got a soft spot for So Merrily We’ll Sing. It’s so self-indulgent it feels silly saying ‘it was so easy to write!’ but I guess having a fic that’s already just 100% headcaonons and fluff tied together by a song you really love does prevent it from being much of a labor (I also managed to refrain from making that one unnecessarily long, so that’s another win there)

tagging @terryfphanatics and anyone else who wants to do it - sorry I’m bad at remembering whose tumblr goes with whose Ao3 account, but I really would be interested to read this if anyone else feels like answering them!

[nocompromise-noregrets]

fic writer tag game!

Thank you to the fabulous @lemurious for tagging me! <333333

how many works do you have on AO3? As of just now, 164.

what’s your total AO3 word count? 928,515 - all but 160k of which has been written/posted since June of last year.

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 20 - not counting every individual fandom tag where I've used multiple tags for the same broad fandom. And they are: Tolkien (LotR movies/books, Hobbit movies/books, Silmarillion); Marvel (MCU, Captain America movies, Agent Carter, Ant-Man movies, Marvel 616, X-Men comics, original timeline movies, First Class, X-Men Evolution); King Arthur (2004 movie and mythology); Robin Hood (2010 movie and mythology); Three Musketeers (2011 movie); Kinky Boots (2005 movie); Call the Midwife; A Knight's Tale; Cursed; Wynonna Earp; Still Crazy; The Boat That Rocked; The Alienist; The Palace; Discworld; Ricki and the Flash; Star Wars (sequel movies); Harry Potter; 10 Things I Hate About You (movie); original work

what are your top 5 fics by kudos? Not Alone (X-Men Evolution), currently on 294; The Unworn Jumpers of Molly Weasley (Harry Potter), currently on 293; My Heart Is An Empty Vessel (Tolkien), currently on 279; In At The Deep End (MCU), currently on 274; Overrun By Halflings (Tolkien), currently on 145.

do you respond to comments, why or why not? I do now. I used to be a bit hit and miss because I never knew what to say, but since I came back to fandom and started writing properly, I've made a point of replying to every single one.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I mostly do fluff, rather than angst, but The Memory of Water (King Arthur) is a bit angsty. And Never Forgotten (Tolkien) is very angsty. Although it's part of a series with a happy ending eventually... :D

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Nope. I've never had one occur to me, and I tend not to think in that way.

have you ever received hate on a fic? No, and I hope I never do. Although I did have an anon getting grumpy on Empty-Handed and one of the other fics I posted around the same time because they didn't like the implication that Bard and Thranduil were going to be with their wives as well as each other (they're...their wives? why would they not be with them, if they're all there?), and were grumpy that because it was technically an epilogue to Empty Vessel, which I'd only just started posting, it was spoiling that one. Which...well, I suppose it does, a tiny bit, but given that I hadn't written most of EV at the time, it really doesn't spoil any of the details at all.

do you write smut? if so what kind? Yes - but not particularly explicit because I am super ace and very awkward about it all. I'm pretty much smutted-out at this point, too, and the thought of having to write more is part of the reason why I haven't written much on Empty Vessel in a while XD However, chapter 100 is the next one to write, and I feel like it should include at least a little smut, so tomorrow I am going to roll up my sleeves and get on with it. :D

have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge, although some of my stuff went up on one of the sites that everyone was getting aerated about a few years ago, and I issued a takedown and they took it down.

have you ever had a fic translated? I have! A couple of my things have been translated into Russian, and the lovely @antheawu-blog is translating It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like... into Mandarin!

have you ever co-written a fic before? Once, long ago, I was writing a great long LotR fic with a friend, but the only bit of it that ever saw the light of day was Blood and Ink, which I'm not super happy with if I'm honest. I rewrote some of the scenes we'd written as A River Loves A Stone last year, and that sort of led into everything else I've been writing since.

what’s your all time favorite ship? Oh god, I have loads. Gawain/Galahad from King Arthur (2004) will forever hold a special place in my heart. Bard/Thranduil (evidently XD ). Legolas/Imrahil. Elladan/Elrohir (yes, I know, I can't help myself and I don't care).

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I have a post-Age of Ultron Natasha Romanoff fic that I'd love to finish but I don't think I am ever going to have the ideas or the motivation for it.

what are your writing strengths? I don't know. Dialogue?

what are your writing weaknesses? Plot. Oh god, I cannot plot to save my life.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I like to include odd words of Sindarin in my Tolkien fic when Elven characters are speaking (and the odd word of Welsh when it's modern!Bard), but I always include translations. I think it is inaccessible and exclusionary not to include a list of translations, and over-use of Elvish without translations, especially when used outside dialogue when there is an English word that can be used, is a strong reason for me to back-button out of a fic. Inside dialogue, it's a representation of the person's words, outside dialogue, unless it's a word that doesn't exist in English (such as 'mallorn/mellyrn' or 'talan/telain') it's showing off, and it shuts out anyone who doesn't know the words.

what was the first fandom you wrote for? X-Men comics - in 2002 I wrote Redefinition, a between-the-panels for a scene between Gambit and Rogue in an issue of X-Treme X-Men, and I'm still incredibly proud of it.

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written? At the moment it's a toss-up between Empty Vessel-'verse and All I Want Is You-'verse. But I have a deep and abiding fondness for A Quiet Understanding, the first longfic I ever wrote (well, it's 20-odd-k, it was long for me at the time).

Thank you! I tag @writerman, @allegoriesinmediasres, @sleepy-santiago, @angelic-kisses13 and @verecunda :D

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Communication Issues (AT:TTSIMBCMEOAYSFIL)- Chapter Three

Ao3,   MasterPost,   Chap.1,   Chap.2

Relationships: Eventual Romantic Analogince, Romantic Prinxiety, implied background Moceit

Warnings: Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Self-isolation, Arguments, Unintentional Emotional Repression, Body Horror (in the form of Remus being Remus!), swearing, some small descriptions of pain, self-deprecations. There’s some fluff in the middle cuz I’m not pure evil, but this is pretty angsty :3 (I promise it’ll have a happy ending u just gotta wait ok). Remus uses it/its here, and is also aromantic.

Word Count: 8,167

Now, dramatism isn’t one of your functions, so you like to think that you’re being entirely  reasonable when you say that you’d rather die than inform your closest friends that you’ve grown to love them a bit more than platonically. 

And yet, here they are. Sitting on your couch, in your cluttered room, staring up at you with expectation in their eyes. They’re waiting, Logan. You didn’t actually expect to avoid this forever, did you?

Maybe you did, but it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve been wrong.

But you digress: you owe them the explanation they came here for. And as you open your mouth to speak, your voice is not nearly as measured as you’d like it to be. 

“As I said before, It was never my intention for you to think I did not want to see you- that is to say, it simply wasn’t feasible, given- well- there were certain complications, you see…”

Virgil narrows his eyes, bemusedly, from his contorted position across the arm and top cushion of your couch. 

“What kind of complications?”

You look at the carpet, but it doesn’t offer much visual stimuli. You look up at the ceiling, but the angle makes your neck ache. You settle your eyes on your bookshelf instead, studying the multi-colored covers of novels that span the length of the entire opposite wall. 

“...Complicated ones.”

Virgil snorts, a sound that usually has you thinking about just how adorable he can be, but the sound is devoid of humor in its current form. 

“Care to elaborate, Teach?” Roman inquires, his legs folded comfortably under himself as he watches you. He’s managed to keep himself pretty still and quiet, though you aren’t sure if that’s attributed to his current restraint or the effects of your room.

  You push your glasses up on your nose. They fall back to their original position. You repeat this action almost compulsively. 

“It’s foolish- Very foolish. I know this is somewhat hypocritical of me, but I believe it is for the best that I do not burden you with it.”

“You aren’t a burden!” Roman squawks indignantly, in conjunction with Virgil snipping: “We’re well past that, buddy.”

You feel your face heat, embarrassingly enough. You aren’t sure why, but their instant and vehement defensiveness for you is a bit motivating. They… they won’t hate you for it. They might even understand, if you’re willing to be optimistic about this. 

“You could call it. Jealousy, I suppose.”

“Jealousy?” Roman scrunches his nose, uncomprehending.

“Yes- I know it isn’t exactly fair of me to feel this way, but it’s the unfortunate truth. I have noticed that the two of you have become much… closer, than you once were,” you see the two of them flush in embarrassment, which only serves to prove your point. “Rest assured, I’m very happy for the both of you and your bond. It’s just that I’ve realized that I have become essentially irrelevant, which I find to be… upsetting. And I know you both are far too kind and non-communicative to outright tell me this, thus I decided that I would take matters into my own hands by giving the two of you your much-needed space willingly.” 

You do not add that you’re also avoiding them because you can barely stomach being around their PDA. It seems unnecessary, and maybe a tad pathetic.

Virgil recovers from his embarrassment at your calling him out quickly enough, his abashment being engulfed by indignation. Oh, wonderful. They really can’t let up without a fight.

“What the hell are you talking about?” His anger is clear, but all three of you know that he’s only upset at the situation. 

“I would love to remain as your friends, of course, I only meant that it would be best if I didn’t interrupt you two-”

“Interrupt us?!” He’s very near shouting, leaping up from his seat and stalking towards you. He stops less than a foot away, and you try desperately not to recoil from him. 

“Yes,” you sound meek, don’t you? “It only made sense-”

He stares at you as though you’re an idiot. It’s a despicable look, but when you turn your attention to Roman for a reprieve, his expression is no different.

And then they- oh, what they do next brings you more pain than any expression ever could. It starts quiet, like they’re trying to hold it at bay, but their resolves crack and crumble. 

They laugh. They’re laughing at you. 

You shouldn’t have let them in- not into your room, not into your head, not into your life at all. You should have known that when your genuine emotions came to light, they’d only find it humorous in the end. Because you, Logan- Logic, your ‘feelings’- they’re hilarious. They are nonsensical and hardly befitting a being such as yourself, yet you have them! And you actually began to speak about them! What a comedic situation. You’re a fool in every sense of the word- both a jester and an idiot. 

They aren’t even laughing that hard, but to you each small sound reads as a raucous, villainous cackle that tears apart your skin and leaves you raw. Roman’s head is tipped back and he appears to be shaking with amusement; Virgil is trying to press his lips together and stifle his chuckling, but he’s doing a poor job of it.

Something writhes in you, much uglier than your shame or guilt. It squirms beneath the layers of your skin and runs up and down your spine, tensing your muscles with its electricity. It’s fury, burning nearly as bright as your face surely must be with this humiliation. 

How could they, tricking you into caring for them, convincing you to help them and support them, only to then heckle you when you hand them your trust. It was such a fragile thing already- which you know is preposterous, trust isn’t tangible, but in this moment it feels quite like a cracked window finally shattering to useless shards.

“Out.”

Virgil is startled into silence immediately; Roman makes a strangled sort of sound as he stops laughing.

“What?” They chorus, both looking ready to contradict you with drawn out and over-emotional arguments. 

You won’t give them that satisfaction.

“Get. Out. Of my. Room,” your shaking speech is blanketed in monotone; it’s like a towel thrown over a forest fire; it won’t last long.

Their eyes widen comically. They speak all over each other, clamoring to explain or excuse their actions, but to you the pleading is naught but white noise. 

You gave them a chance to leave of their own volition, but if they’re so keen on remaining a nuisance, then fine. You huff a sigh, turning your back to Roman and Virgil. With a snap, their chatter cuts off unceremoniously, and you are left cold and lonely. 

When you turn around, they’re gone.

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

You don’t get a chance to react before you’re thrown upwards through the floor of your bedroom. You land in an unceremonious heap, half-on and half-off of your bed, losing your balance almost immediately and toppling to the floor. Rising up makes you dizzy enough as it is, but being forced away from somewhere makes you want to vomit. 

You pull yourself up from the ground, holding your head in your hands until the world stops spinning. As soon as your brain gets working again, you can hear thunderous footfalls out in the hall. They stomp right past your door and down the hall. There’s a series of loud thumps, rattles, and shouts, before whoever it is retraces their steps.

You walk to your door as if on autopilot, opening it just as Roman was about to knock. He’s panting, distressed. 

“We fucked up,” he says.

“Yeah,” you pull him inside, slamming the door behind him, “We did.”

“I didn’t mean to, you know that right? I wasn’t laughing at him, I wouldn’t, alright?” Roman spirals, “He thinks I did! It was just ridiculous, was all! To think that we don’t want him around- to think-”

He curls into himself. You catch his hand before he can press it against his chest, unfolding him. You hold his wrist and rub little patterns into the back of his hand.

“Ro, hey.”

He glances up at you, wild-eyed. Eyeshadow is already creeping its way down his face.

“Why don’t we talk about this in your room instead, hm?” 

He nods, shaking, with a small mutter of ‘right, right’. You nod back, holding onto him just tight enough that your claws don’t quite dig in. 

You materialize in Roman’s room, dragging him along with you. Almost immediately a fierce pulse of energy overwhelms you. You stagger in shock, but Roman doesn’t even blink at the force. He pulls away from you and falls upon his massive, plush, circular canopy bed with a despairing whine. You can’t really blame him. 

The Creative power of this room takes its effects on you faster than any other side’s abilities could- you really wonder how Roman is so used to it. You sit on the bed beside him, intending to comfort him as he buries himself further into his hoard of pillows. But then, you can’t. You can’t sit down. Far too much troubled excitement is pooling in your stomach; far too many ideas and thoughts are running through your head, and the loudest of them are desperate appeals to start fixing this mess.

Anxiety and Creativity wouldn’t theoretically mix well, but that’s just the thing about theories. They’re often wrong, so very wrong or crackpot or conspiratorial. The truth of it is Creativity and Anxiety work together wonderfully, both as concepts and as actual, metaphysical creatures. You’ve known this, even if you won’t admit it, since you were all teenagers. But only now does it hit you just how much Roman’s abilities can do for you. It takes all of your energy, all that pent-up fear and frustration from what’s just happened, and it gives you the tools to actually use it for something.

It also makes you, ya know. Just a little recklessly confident.

“Alright, Princey, get up.”

He whines again, shifting his head just enough to glare at you.

“I’m wallowing in self-pity! For the reason that one of my dearest friends thinks me a- a bully! How are you not freaking out about this?”

“Honestly?” You wrap your hands around his wrist again, pulling him into a ragdoll-ish sitting position, “I’ve got no idea. Mentally I think I’m in the fifth dimension or some shit, so we gotta work this out quick before I come back down and really lose my mind.”

He grumbles, but you see him biting back an amused smile. Flopping his legs over the edge of the bed and making no movement to stand, Roman narrows his eyes up at you. 

“Alright, alright. We need to give that conversation another go, I know that, but we should give Logan some space first. He’s unlikely to hear us out now. You know how headstrong he is when he gets… like this.”

You nod, vacantly, because you're already three steps ahead of where he is in the conversation. 

“Yeah, good point. More time.”

“Right,” Roman draws the word out, looking at you strangely, “So why aren’t you moping with me?”

You pull the reins of your practically palpable energy enough to sit down, right next to him.

“We obviously have to work out this-” you gesture between yourself and Roman, “-before we can really talk to Logan,” once the sentence is out of your mouth you wish you could swallow back the ‘obviously’, because Roman is usually slow on the uptake and you’d never intentionally make fun of that. But he does nothing more than scrunch his face up in exaggerated confusion, the pink tint to his face giving away that he must have at least some idea what you’re implying. 

“What- what do you mean by that? The two of us already get along famously!”

“I think you know that’s not what I meant. You’re using your stage voice. You always do that when you lie.”

“Who are you- Janus?” He cough-laughs awkwardly, breaking eye-contact with you. You’re surprised that you’re holding up any better than him, but your strongest reaction at the moment is a mild blush and some prickling at your skin. 

It is for these reasons that you both love and hate Creative-Mode Virgil. He is a very productive and efficient version of you, but his propensity for acting bold and impulsive makes you want to strangle him. Him being you, of course.

“Look, Logan was wrong to think that he was a third wheel, or whatever, but I’m pretty sure he was right about the… closeness with us, I guess.”

Roman’s staring at you with wide eyes, a deep red flushing him from his ears right across his nose and cheeks. He’s clearly trying to smile, but it’s coming out awkwardly strained, almost twisted sideways. There’s a second when the anxiety rushes back to you in a wave of oh no you misread this so fucking bad of course he doesn’t feel that way about you you’re his best friend whatthehellwereyouthinkingVirgil- and it almost wins you over, but you’re in Roman’s Room. And that doesn’t just mean motivation and creativity. 

Your paranoid thoughts could never beat what’s ingrained into you as a fact. You can feel the romantic tension, almost like it’s a physical presence in the room. Maybe it is. A part of you- most of you, in fact- still wants to convince you that you’re doing something wrong. But it’s getting harder and harder to believe the longer you sit here, knowing that these emotions you feel aren't entirely your own. 

“Virgil,” he breathes, and you can feel it on your skin- when did you get so close?

“We don’t have to do anything about this,” you start to backpedal, but you don’t move away from him, “Not if you don’t want to, yet. I just… we had to talk about it, I think.”

“So you…?”

The hesitance in his voice destroys your resolve. You reach out, tucking up both of his hands in your own. 

They’re warm. 

“Yeah, I- yeah.”

He surveys you for far too long; it’s hard not to squirm. You let him watch you, though, just so he can find whatever it is he’s looking for in your expression. When he does, it only draws him in nearer.

“You and Logan are right. I love you, V.” 

You try not to smile. It doesn’t work. 

“I figured.”

He huffs at you, shoving you, but he’s grinning widely. You roll your eyes at him. You don’t speak for a while, holding your tongue for as long as you can- but you really need to say it. Just so he knows.

“I love you back, though. Or- something like that, I don’t know…”

Roman laughs outright at that, tossing his head back. You can already feel the energy you were given twisting into an entirely contradictory exhaustion. Because of that, you don’t even try to pretend to be annoyed; you just watch, fondly. 

When he’s settled, that amused look turns sharply to worry. 

“So now what?”

You pause, running your thumb over his knuckles as you think the question over. 

“Logan?” 

“Yeah, that.”

“Well, like you said, we give him some space.”

“And then?”

You glance up at Roman for confirmation, but you don’t need to. Like you said, you can feel it; his room is a pretty big snitch. 

“We tell him we love him.” 

 You let yourself forget about what happened, just for the afternoon. It’s hard, but what choice do you have? It’s out of your hands for now. And, while usually that makes you even more nervous, you manage to force yourself into the shape of something vaguely undaunted. After all, if you can’t tell Logan just how much you care about him, you can still remind Roman. 

In your own way, of course. 

“Hey,” you mutter, for what must be the millionth time that evening. Roman turns his attention away from the vent-art he’s working on, glancing at you.

“Yes, Knightmare?” He asks, but the tired and affectionate smile on his face says that he already knows your game. Damn, and here you were thinking you were subtle. (not.)

“Mmh,” you press your face into the side of his neck, leaving a few miniscule kisses to the skin there. Your arms are twined around his waist, a position that bordered on- oh, who are you kidding, it’s exceptionally clingy.

The embarrassment that you feel from so openly displaying such sappy, disgusting affection is overturned, however slightly, by the quiet laugh and kiss to the top of your head that Roman returns to you for your efforts. You hide your smile in the crook of his neck.

You continue to shower Roman with attention for a minute or so, covering his face with little pecks and pressing yourself against him, before leaning back a few inches. You sigh. He resumes his work, resting his back against your chest as he does so. 

You will let him continue to draw for ten or so minutes. You will ask for his attention again, and he’ll give it to you with a slightly wider smile than the last time you did it- that smile grows exponentially, but only by tiny increments.

You’ll kiss him all up his neck and the side of his face, hug him even tighter, listening to him laugh in a much too relieved voice before you let up once more.

And he’ll be a little more sure of you each time. A little more sure that you two can do this together. 

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

You are not a patient entity when it comes to the things you want. You are, in the best of cases, the exact opposite. This gets about One Million Billion times worse when the one thing that you want is to declare your love for someone, and said someone hasn’t left his room even once in six days.

Virgil, Patton, and Janus (once you’d relayed the situation to the latter two) have essentially been keeping you on a leash at all times of the day- or night- to make absolutely sure that you don’t break Logan’s door down. Which- to be fair- you wouldn’t put it past yourself to do that, but still. 

But even with the distraction of a new boyfriend (boyfriend!!!!) and those two overbearingly caring friends of yours, you are still Physically Unable to Not Do Anything currently. And, you suppose if you can’t break Logan’s door down, you might as well try that idea out on someone who wouldn’t bat an eye at such an, ah, intrusion seems to be the fitting word. 

“Uurghhhhh!”

You drop yourself face first onto Remus’ bed in your usual melodramatic fashion, immediately regretting it because fuck that smells horrid. When was the last time it washed its sheets?

Probably never, actually. You sit up.

Your sibling is sitting cross-legged on its desk, working on something that’s got a good deal of goop and limbs. It looks up at you blankly. 

“Ro? What the hell are you doing in here?” It doesn’t sound angry, just very, very surprised. 

“My life is ending.”

“Fun! Does that mean I get full creative control?”

“No! And it’s not fun, you animal!” 

It scrutinizes you, setting its strange arthropodic creation down on the desk. You lean back when it leans forwards.

“Wow, shit must be really bad if you’ve decided to come here!”

You nod, miserably. 

“Okay,” it claps its hands together, standing up only to fall against the bed beside you. It’s half-sitting, half-laying; the way it twists all its limbs up can not be comfortable. “What’s going on?”

You glare at it, but you aren’t sure why. Probably just because it is there and you need something to glare at while you talk. 

“It’s Logan…” You trail off, waiting for Remus to catch on. It takes its time thinking, even more expressionless than before. 

“You know why he hasn’t left his room in days? I tried to check on him but he barely told me anything. Just said he was tired, and ‘thanks for the concern’,” it says at last, catching you off-guard.

“You mean you haven’t heard? I would’ve thought Patton or Janus might have told you.”

It taps its claw to its chin a couple of times, thoughtful. The implication clicks just a second later, apparently, because it lets out a whining groan and drags its hands down its face.

“Oh, not that. I can’t do anything if it’s that!” It exclaims, “Yeah, they did mention it, but I guess I just tune that kind of thing out,” it pauses, “...It’s because you and Vee are fucking now, right?”

You flush, embarrassment and indignation welling up at the back of your throat. You bat Remus’ shoulder, bristly as a thornbush.

“No, we aren’t- I mean, not yet- I mean, that’s none of your business!”

“You did kinda come to me for help, though, so it actually is.”

You glower, refusing to justify that with a response. It rolls its eyes at you, turning over so that it’s flat on its back with its upper half hanging off the bed.

“It’s your bad to come to me for romance advice. You couldn’t have asked literally anyone else- yourself, for example?” It fusses with its talons as it rants, snapping off a couple of nails absentmindedly, “It’s not even the fun kind of gross.”

You can’t believe you’re considering saying it. You won’t! You shouldn’t! You refuse!

“...Please?” Oh fuck, you’ve done it now.

Remus pulls its head up slightly, a very smug grin across its face. Its teeth are horrendously crooked and yellow-stained, looking much too big and sharp to fit into its mouth. 

“Awww, you’re begging? God, you’re so desperate.”

It’s very difficult to resist the urge to push it off the bed. But you are a pillar of restraint today, because it’s not entirely wrong about that, and you still need it to help you.

“Look, it’s too personal to my own life for my abilities to do me any good. And Virgil can’t talk about it- he’s way too frazzled to even think about it, the poor thing. Plus, Patton and Janus aren’t… great… at things,” that’s a very soft way of putting: the former gets much too emotionally invested and the latter is entirely snarky and unhelpful. “So I came here. I think a more, erm, detached point of view could help.”

Remus hums at that. 

“I guess there’s nothing more detached from romantic issues than someone who’s never had any- you’ve come to the right place in that case.”

“So you’ll help?” 

Remus slides slowly forward until it’s landing in a heap on the ground, various crunching noises resulting from the impact. It huffs, lifts itself up to rest its chin on the edge of the bed, and stares at you unblinkingly.

“You’re not allowed to tangent about how pretty his eyes are or how much you love his voice, or anything like that, got it? Otherwise, I will puke, and probably into your mouth just to shut you up.”

You gag, perhaps a bit exaggeratedly.

“That’s vile!”

“Thank you! Now, bitch to me about your problems before I get bored.”

You look down to your lap, winding and unwinding your fingers repetitiously. You think about the past couple of days; in many aspects, it’s been wonderful. Virgil actually wants to be your boyfriend! And that’s what he is now! Of course, you both are just as cuddly as ever, but now you don’t have to worry about holding back. That’s been an amazing relief.

But there’s always that little thing missing, holding you back from being content completely. You want to give Logan his space, truly you do, but every day you feel a little more distant from him. A little further from being able to fix things. It’s familiar in all the worst ways.

You blink rapidly, remembering where you are before the emotions overcome you. With a shaky breath, you begin to speak. It’s just a summary at first, but then you can’t help but give Remus your most detailed accounts of, well, everything. 

You gauge its reaction intensely, but it’s as inscrutable as ever. You finish the tale hurriedly, expectant for some sort of response from the creature across from you.

There is an intolerable silence as you practically see the gears turning in Remus’ brain, which is funny because you thought Octopuses were supposed to have nine of them. You have no idea what it’s using all the other ones for, if that’s the case.

“You laughed at him,” it smirks when it speaks, sounding out the words slowly. You scoff.

“We were laughing at the situation! We didn’t mean it to seem that way. It was just bad timing! ”

It cackles at you, sitting back on its legs and tossing its head back. It sounds like a shrieking kettle.

“No wonder he’s so pissed! He thinks you think his feelings are a joke! His whole deal is not wanting to be that. That’s, like, his big thing.”

You’d… sort of figured that’s what happened, but hearing it out loud still stings. To think you’d done that to him. He was getting so much better with his feelings, but you had to go and ruin it. 

“I already know that I- we-” mental filtering, Roman, “We caused the issue. I wanted to know how to fix it.”

Remus stops laughing as suddenly as it’d started, looking at you with all the sincerity of, perhaps, someone capable of being serious. 

“Corner him,” it answers simply.

“Excuse me?”

“Corner him. Your first mistake was that you went to him in his room, which meant he could just throw you out of there. He’s stubborn, right? Plus, he thinks you were making fun of him. He’s not gonna come out to have a civilized conversation on his own, cuz he’s a dumbass, so I don’t think more space is gonna help you out here. Lure him out! Tie him up, if it’ll make him listen!” Remus pauses thoughtfully, “Orrrrr you could try amputating his legs entirely, but he’ll probably grow them back. He’s annoying like that.”

You choose to ignore the last suggestion, focusing instead on its main point. 

“Are you sure that won’t make things worse?”

“Define ‘worse’ for me, in terms of right now, currently, in here on this day.”

“Good point.”

Remus nods to itself, standing up from the floor and stretching its arms above its head. Its shoulders dislocate, but it pops them back into their sockets once its done. This almost feels like the conclusion of the conversation, but you get the impression that it’s taking its time to piece together a sentence with a little more finality.

“He was obviously crazy about you two before, which means he probably still is. He’s also a sad little shit, though.”

You move to stand as well, curling your fingers against themselves again.

“You really think so?”

“Oh, I have no idea. That’s your department, remember? Now, get out of my room; no alloromantics allowed after-” it checks the time, clearly making the rule up on the spot, “Five twenty-six P.M.” 

“Fine, fine, I can take a hint,” you place your hands on your hips, feeling just a little more confident in the wake of this talk.

“‘Hint’? I explicitly told you to leave.”

You grumble at Remus, but make your way to the door nonetheless. It turns back to its desk, grabbing for a jar that seems to be filled with insect legs. It’s immediately refocused into whatever strange creatures it was working on, pulling them apart and shoving them back together. You let the affronted look fall from your face, replaced by a small, fond smile.

“Thanks, Re.”

It glances back at you, briefly.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s nothing…” it pauses, its hands stilling. “Good luck.”

“Thank you,” you say, earnestly.

You leave, letting it get back to its work. 

 The hallway smells like a fucking Macy’s compared to Remus’ room. Jesus Christ, it’s a relief. 

You shut the door behind you with a soft click, leaning back against it with a deep, shuddering sigh. It’s been a long week. 

Ah, and just on time, as if to prove your point, there’s a gravelly shout and a thump from downstairs. You draw yourself to attention, shaking the slump from your shoulders. You flit through the narrow hall to the top of the stairs, listening carefully for an issue to resolve or an unseemly beast to slay. A prince must protect his subjects, after all.

For a few seconds, all you can hear below is frantic whispering. You set a foot on the top step, but you don’t get the chance to descend.

Virgil is there like a flash of lightning, speeding up the stairs and heading right for you. 

You startle, spiraling back to escape his path, but it’s futile. He catches you at the top, sending you both crashing into the opposite wall. Pain shoots up your back at the impact, as well as sparking in your shoulders where his claws are gripping you. You hiss, the sound dying when you meet his eyes. 

They’re bright. No, glowing. No, seeping- their color is seeping into the world around them, curling in little streaks of murky green and violet around Virgil’s face. 

He speaks, but it’s without distortion. It’s clear and crisp. It isn’t quite anxiety that’s consuming him this way, no, it’s something much more powerful.

“Roman,” he takes your hand in a fervent grip, “Ro, it’s Logan.”

You blink, and before you really know what you’re doing, you're already halfway downstairs.

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>

Light, sparse taps are turned out against the solid wood door. The sounds, however small, echo throughout this packed little room.

Your fingers stall above the laptop’s keyboard, and for a fraction of a second frustration overcomes you. It’s gone as soon as it comes, replaced unceremoniously by numbness. This is a minor inconvenience to your work, but not much else. Thankfully, you are not one to dwell on it; after all this time, you are finally in complete control of your faculties and your emotions. 

The knock returns, more sure of itself as it hits against the surface. Bemusedly, you wonder why on earth they’re still bothering- but, that isn’t them, it belatedly occurs to you. The rhythm isn’t that of some showtune or another, nor is it harsh and pounding.

You aren’t sure how many days it’s been since you’ve heard that particular sound. You aren’t sure… What day is it?

Well, regardless, you’ve been jarred from your work. You could ignore it and continue on- you’d likely forget it soon enough- but the fact that you recognize the presence specifically as Patton stops that idea in its tracks. He’s sensitive, an overthinker to an extreme degree. He could entirely misconstrue it as a dislike of his company if you were to not respond, unlike a flippant Remus or a collected Janus. And, well…

You’re over it. You’ve been over what Roman and Virgil did to you. But even though you very much are, it’s still perfectly reasonable to not want to be near them. There would be nothing to gain from talking to them, and you’d like to spare yourself the headache. But, you digress; Patton was not a part of what transpired. He would not do that to you, and therefore he is not an impediment to your work. Looking at it rationally, he is in fact a great source of comfo- help, for you. 

With this in mind you stand, making your way across the room. You stagger when you walk, like something’s pulling you in different directions. Odd. The feeling is somewhere in your head, sinking down your vertebrae, insisting that you need to remain in the sanctity of your room. If you leave, the pull suggests, then all your carefully built clarity of mind should become disrupted. How strange for such a convincing conviction to be so seemingly baseless, you reflect.

The knock returns, and that is of course a much more pressing issue. There’s a pull coming from there as well, only one much fiercer and easier to place. It’s the strongest thing you’ve experienced in some time, like someone’s arm around your waist, guiding you forwards (even if there isn’t anyone there, really). 

“Good afternoon,” you intone, drawing the door open with excessive force. Strange, again; maybe you had just forgotten how heavy it was. 

Patton stands across from you, shock written across his features with his fist still poised in the air, as though to knock again. He drops the hand quickly, reaching out instead with both arms while a grin consumes his face. But the limbs spasm concerningly, and stop. He sweeps his arms back and presses his balled hands tightly against his chest, still smiling at you, only a little more strained. His eyes are big, murky pools of color and emotion, raging and contradictory and impossible to make sense of. Even looking into them is overwhelming. 

“Hi, buddy,” he says it so quietly, but the actual words don’t matter. He says it with force, like perhaps he’s localized every emotion he’s ever felt entirely into his tone of voice.

You blink at him, an undefined question on your lips before that pull behind you turns into a sharp push, and before you know it you’re slumping forward into the hallway and out of your room. As you’re forced out, you narrowly avoid hitting the carpet. That’s thanks to Patton, who rushes forwards with a yelp, hauling you up into his sturdy arms with very little effort. 

The confusion you’d felt leaves you in a great big rush, replaced by fire. Your skin is consumed by burns at your friend’s touch- or at least it feels that way, but logically it cannot possibly be actual flame- but fuck logic because you’re on fucking fire.

It’s an all-consuming heat, but that’s hardly all it is. It’s breathing. Like you’d been holding your breath to the point of mad deliria and only now are you gasping in great, relieved breaths of clear air as some great and stifling weight is lifted from your lungs. It also feels like moving from an ice bath to a sauna all too quickly, giving you the greatest relief in conjunction with horrific pain. 

Oh. You’re crying. 

“Shh,” Patton whispers, as though this isn’t anything out of the ordinary, “It’s okay, it’s alright.”

You hold onto him hesitantly. Are you sitting? You think you must be, judging from this position.

“Do you need me to let go? Is it too much?”

You open your mouth to speak, and your voice is in perfect, frightening monotone.

“Yes, please.”

Patton draws back gently, just far enough so that you’re not touching. Big, crocodile tears crawl down your face still, but they begin to die down after a moment. You get your breathing under control, even if just barely.

“I didn’t want you to fall and get hurt,” Patton explains, “But I realize that making you touch a living vessel for emotion might’ve hurt, too, after- well, after that,” he gestures vaguely to your room, and then to yourself. You tilt your head in confusion.

“What-?” You look down at your arms, and the question dies on your lips.

It’s lifeless; corpse-like. The cold, slate-gray painted up your arms and probably across your whole body. The color looks sucked out of you, leaving only emptiness in its wake. The only sign that you’re a living being and not a husk, a shell, a piece of shed skin- other than the tremble of your frame- is the shocks of electric blue running up your body. They could be veins, if not for the fact that the lines were perfectly straight and geometrically cornered.

Patton reaches out, pensively, and presses a cautious finger against the back of your hand. At his touch, the spot bursts into life like watercolor on wet paper. Lively, peachy skin with cool undertones appears, before fading back to gray as Patton removes his finger. And it stings. 

You jump to your feet with a struggle, hardly registering when Patton follows your lead. You spin on your heel, staring through the open door and into your room. You can’t imagine entering it- just the feeling of being near it shortens your breath. It’s frigid, it’s hard and unshakeable and dark. It is completely and entirely devoid of emotion or life, and you hadn’t left that frozen hellscape in days.

It’s a wonder you can feel anything at all, after what you’ve done to yourself.

A shaking gasp rips out of your throat, and before you can think another panicked thought you jolt forward and wrench the door shut. You back away from it until your back hits the opposite wall.

“I- I didn’t realize I was doing it,” your words sound like pleas, falling from your mouth without your consent.

“I know,” Patton stands beside you, close enough to feel but not to burn.

“I didn’t mean to, I just-”

“I know.”

“I was doing better. I was doing so well, I was happy.”

He nods solemnly. 

You’ve been aware of the existence of your emotions, and relatively accepting of it, for a good deal of time. Hypocrisy is unsustainable. You can’t very well preach the negatives of repression on a weekly basis and then go on to practice it indefinitely. 

But what you are… everything that you encompass, everything that encompasses you, it makes it much too easy to slip up. To force out every pesky feeling in favor of more ‘important’ things. What it really is is a pitiful defense mechanism, unfortunately built deep into you by the purpose of your being. And it seems that your room can even do it without your knowledge.

“Logan?”

You look up, unsure if he can even see how miserable you are. Can you emote anymore? You try to frown, but your muscles are stuck like plastic.

“Why don’t we get you somewhere else and see if we can get some of the feeling back into ya, okay?”

You adjust your glasses once, then twice.

“Not your room, I would hope?”

“Oh, goodness,” he lets out a startled laugh, “Of course not, that would be way too much! I was thinking somewhere a little more, uhm, neutral?”

You perk up at that implication. You could just go to the common room, of course, but that’s hardly the only unaffected area in the Mindpalace. Your world isn’t quite real- and even if it is it’s extremely fluid and easy to influence- meaning you can make about just as many locations as any of you would like. Which includes structures ‘outside’ of your ‘house’.

An ill-defined existence like that might irk you, if you were in a philosophical mood. Thankfully, the only mood you’re in right now is sad. 

“Yes, I think a change of setting could be beneficial.”

Patton chirps happily, much like a tree frog, and makes to lead you downstairs. You follow close behind him, chasing that emotional high but still nervous of the pain that it could cause you. 

You’re on edge for reasons enough already. The idea that you could run into them is a prominent one that you’d rather not focus on. 

For a split second you think you might have to, though, because there’s someone sitting on the couch when you step down from the landing. Your breath catches in your throat, but then he looks up at you, heterochromic eyes wide with surprise, and you exhale steadily. 

“Hello, Janus.”

His eyebrows arch up at your greeting, perplexion in his smile. Appraisingly, he observes you, offering only a small wave. He addresses Patton when he speaks. 

“Well, Dear, it seems you were right to be concerned about him.”

Patton mutters something that you can’t quite make out, looking disconcerted. 

You’d be flushing indignantly, if you had the ability to. Your shoulders hunch up as you glance between your friends.

“You’ve been talking about me?” 

They both look acutely uncomfortable, exchanging looks. That’s answer enough for you, though. 

Oh, just look at yourself. You’re a spectacle now, aren’t you? Poor Logan, getting his metaphorical metaphysical heart broken, only for it to become the talk of the MindPalace for days on end as he relapses into repression. Isn’t it such a lovely thing for you to be? A piece of gossip. Entertainment.

Janus’ worry grows on his face, and soon he’s up from his spot and hastening towards you. You step back from him, trying to remember what glaring is meant to look like. He doesn’t invade your space again, but he just… stares at you. 

“Would you like to talk about it?” He asks. You can almost laugh at the question. 

“I’m sure you already know all about it, though, don’t you?”

Both of them are taken aback by your snapping. You regret it immediately; they haven’t done anything wrong, not really. They’re trying to help you, it isn’t their fault that they got caught up in your ‘tragic tale’. But your frustration is difficult to push down. You get the feeling that you can’t push anything down, without worrying that something will snap; it’s almost like an overworked muscle. 

“Whatever you think has been happening out here,” Janus speaks, even and slow, “It’s not that bad, alright?”

Patton nods along with him, and reaches towards you. He falters, eventually opting to hook a finger through the band of your watch instead. Your skin prickles, but there’s no pain. 

“C’mon, I was thinking we could try heading to the Clubhouse.”

That settles your anger, microscopically. You think Janus is being truthful, and Patton is nothing but consoling. And, of course, there’s the clubhouse…

You might not ever admit how much you like it. It’s been around since before you were around, back in the days of just Anxiety (the oldest), Creativities (tied for second), and a very newly formed Morality. Back when it was first made, it really was just a little child’s clubhouse, made primarily by Roman, with some disruptions by Remus, and small additions by a tiny Patton. It was probably the first neutral structure made up by the sides, as they had just begun to figure out their powers and the ‘world’ that they inhabited. Of course no one had the heart to get rid of it after that.

You give Patton a nod, angling your face so that it maybe looks like you’re smiling. He lets go of you, smiling back as he turns on his heel and heads for the door. You trail behind him, knowing that it must look very silly that you’re basically tailgating him. Janus follows you in turn, a few feet behind. He watches over the both of you protectively. 

You step out onto the lawn, hearing grass crunch beneath your shoes. The wind is particularly biting, and the sky above threatens a storm. You’re sure that the weather in the real world isn’t this chaotic, so someone in the mindscape must be sulking. You don’t mind; it’ll only make the warmth of the Clubhouse all the more pleasant. 

The Clubhouse has changed so much over the years that it’s unrecognizable as its original iteration. What once was a little stick-and-stone glorified fairy house is now a cottage-like building, one story high with a thickly thatched roof. Beside the door on either side are big bay windows, each made into little reading nooks. It’s essentially one big room, the outside painted with such vibrant pastels that it easily stands out against its surroundings.

The doors creak when Patton opens them, but not in a way that denotes damage or wear. It’s an old and comforting sound, one that comes from familiarity and consistent use. You step through the threshold, and affection floods your chest.

It isn’t large, but it’s well-equipped. There are ancient oaken tables stacked up with crafts materials, squashy bean bag chairs, and a bright rug or two thrown over the rustic hardwood floors. The nooks have pillows and blankets piled in them, looking like nests. There are bookshelves, art supplies, vinyl records (complete with a record player)- even some new-looking wall displays of preserved bugs and butterflies for decoration. To top it all off, fairy lights were strung across all the walls, making it all seem quite mystic. 

You find yourself taking another step inwards; the amenities are incredibly inviting. Everything here is inviting, and homey, and lived-in. The house itself almost feels alive, nonsensical as that is.

It’s no wonder this is everyone’s favorite.

Patton watches you patiently, his hand resting on the door handle. You take a deep breath, but you aren’t sure why you need it. You make your way to the perfume-y, floral print sofa against the wall to your right, treating everything around you rather reverently. When you sit, you sink down into the couch.

Patton sits a respectful distance from you. Janus strolls right after him, knocking the door shut with the back of his boot before settling in an armchair on the left of the couch.

There’s a comfortable silence, and you start to feel your numbness abate. With a contented sigh, your head falls back against the cushion and your eyes fall shut. Not in an effort to sleep. You’re just… resting. You breathe deeply, letting the atmosphere envelop you.

The corners of your mouth twitch up.

“Logan!” Patton squeaks, “Look!”

Your eyes blink open, mildly startled at the outburst. Patton’s gaze on you is intense, first focused on your face and then moving down your arms. You follow the look, to see your...

Your perfectly normal, flesh-colored arms. Your human-ish, mildly tan, average arms. You feel what you can now recognize as a smile grow wider on your face. 

“Well,” Janus chimes, “It seems you just needed a little break.”

“Maybe so,” your voice creaks from lack of use. You hadn’t even realized you’d been nonverbal since you’d last snapped at them. Neither had drawn attention to it, which you silently thank them for (they, after all, were all too familiar with the experience). 

“Do you feel good enough to talk about what’s been upsetting you?” Patton gently asks you. And you… don’t have an answer.

“What is there to talk about?” You tilt your head bemusedly. 

“I think he means, are you ready to talk to who’s been upsetting you?” Janus explains. Patton hesitates before nodding his agreement.

“I- what?” Your serenity leaves in a rush, replaced by astonishment and outrage, “You expect me to- to talk to them?”

You give them approximately three seconds to respond before plowing forwards with your rant.

“I’m talking to you both, isn’t that enough? You’ve done nothing to wrong me, of course. What does it matter if I don’t speak to those- those- those-”

Janus’ eyes expand to circles, the pupils shrinking to anxious slits.

“Those?” He prompts.

“Tricksters, betrayers, playactors, wolves- whatever you want to call them!” Where were vocab cards when you needed them? All your synonyms can’t carry the punch that you need them to. Insults aren’t much good if you have to explain them after. 

“No!” Patton practically screams, out of absolutely nowhere. You glance at him, stunned, to see him looking like a kicked puppy- er, froggy. He’s on the verge of tears, leaning towards you precariously, with devastation swirling in his big eyes. “This is why you need to talk to them, please, Logan.”

You are so very bewildered, you barely notice that Janus is standing from his chair until he’s already across the room. 

“As I said earlier: whatever you think happened, didn't. I can prove it, too,” he mutters, standing by the door.

“You weren't there, Janus,” you snap, "I tried to tell them how I felt and they- they laughed at me.”

“They didn't!” Patton squeaks. You shake your head frantically, still reeling.

“It was- it was awful, you can’t-”

“No,” Patton interrupts, “I meant that literally. They didn’t do that.”

This interaction is making your head spin with indignation. You are capable of immense patience when it comes to Patton- and Janus, for that matter- but this has become ridiculous. 

“I’m so tired of being made a mockery of, Patton. I won’t stand for it any longer, even if you’re just trying to help.”

He breathes in sharply, about to argue, but then his gaze catches on something behind you. His mouth stays open, but he’s soundless. You jump to your feet, spinning around to see just what he’s looking at.

The door is open. Janus is gone.

There's a shout from the main house.

Taglist: @shrimp-crockpot @glitter-skeleton-uwu @intruxiety @thefivecalls 

(Lemme know if you wanna be added or removed :3)

[daisiesforlacey]

clouds - chapter 2 : cirrus

Pair: Julie x alive!Luke

Summary: After her mother’s death, Julie Molina moved away from Hollywood, across the country, to Ithaca, New York. She’s left behind her two loves in life: her best friend, Luke, and her music. There, she finds new friends and enemies, new experiences and joys, she might even find herself. Every night, Luke calls Julie to talk about the clouds. But what if Luke is hiding something? 

Word Count: 3,344

Warnings: angsty??? I mean we gotta move the story along soooo

Note: I started writing this and it got away from me! I think this series might be longer than originally intended, but that’s not a bad thing. I can’t wait to delve more into Alex, Reggie, and Carrie’s storylines, but for now, here’s this! Please please comment, like, reblog; feedback is always appreciated :)))

Masterlist

Taglist

--- 

The morning had been much chillier than the previous day. On their way to school, Julie and Flynn had bundled up in their favorite sweaters and scarves, along with matching thermoses of tea. Julie had tried to stuff her hair into a wool hat, but after failing miserably, she settled on tying her hair back into a ponytail. Flynn had offered to help style her curls that morning, but she had declined.

The ground next to the sidewalk was blue with frost and they could almost see their breath if they squinted hard enough. 

In Ithaca, the winter was dryer, she had found that her lips chapped more often and she seemed to constantly have the sniffles. In L.A, when it got colder, it mostly rained, snow was far and few between and was never terribly enjoyable; the second it hit the ground it would become this sort of grey sludge. One thing they both shared was the unpredictability. Seeing the sun one day did not often guarantee a warm week, which left Julie to keep an array of coats of different thicknesses. 

There weren’t too many clouds to see, if she tried hard enough, she might be able to make out a flying saucer. She shook her head, spaceships were too easy and basic; anything could be a UFO. 

As they walked and the sun slowly rose, they talked about their upcoming day; if Carrie was going to be tolerable, if they would be getting new music projects, and who was buying lunch.

Luckily for Julie, she could already feel the air warm up, unfortunately, the conversion had shifted to Luke.

“How is your friend? Liam, or whatever?” Flynn asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

“Luke,” Julie snorted and looked down at her hands, “He’s doing well, he didn’t see too many shapes yesterday, so our conversation was relatively short.” Flynn knew about their nightly calls, but Julie had left out most of the reason they happened. Flynn didn’t need to know how much she missed her friend, she didn’t want the other girl to feel inadequate. 

“It’s really cool that you guys still keep in touch, if all of my friendships drifted apart that nicely, Carrie…” Flynn drifted off into thought at the mention of Carrie. Contemplating Julie, frowned, she didn’t particularly like to think that she and Luke had drifted, but she supposed they had literally done just that. 

“Well when you have a history like Luke and I have, it’s impossible not to talk to him.” Julie didn’t mention that he seemed to be a part of her that was now missing, or that Luke had this sort of magnetism that drew anyone and everyone to him, or that when they wrote songs together she had felt more alive and seen than anything. 

Those things didn’t need saying, those things had been left in L.A. 

But in here she had Flynn and a small town and a family. 

A broken family, she thought. 

---

As Nick finished his guitar solo, his lacrosse buddies whooped and hollered in the small music room. 

It was smaller than the one back home, but just as welcoming. Cinder block walls had been covered with sound absorbers and music posters ranging from “hang in there” cats to major and minor scales to student made flyers, advertising the school dance coming up. 

Their mascot, a yellow and black cougar, had been painted on the wall by an art club some time ago. It was slightly lopsided and its snarling mouth looked more mangled, but the sentiment was there. 

Julie had zoned out long before Nick had started, staring at the chipped paint on the wall. She knew the second she walked up to the piano to play, she would freeze. No amount of mental preparation could prepare her to set her fingers on the ivory keys and play something, anything. 

“Okay, we have one last performance,” Her teacher said, “Julie.” 

The girl looked up slowly. She stumbled toward the piano with hesitant steps. She sat down with a sigh and opened the sheet music. Her blood was rushing and her head was pounding. The room seemed to blur and spin, but was also eerily still and quiet. 

She could feel the eyes of her classmates boring into her skull. As they watched her, she could guess what they were thinking, here we go again, I wonder if she’ll actually play this time, just get on with it. 

Julie knew that Flynn was trying to encourage her, even from where she was sitting, but she  couldn’t bring herself to look at the girl.

“Take your time,” Her teacher assured. 

Julie might take forever. 

She opened the case of the piano and grazed her fingertips on the keys. They were cold and unforbidding. The second she pressed one of the keys she knew that she would break.

Memories of her mother would come rushing back; every scraped knee, every hand holding in the parking lot, every crush whispered in secret, every night spent over the stove learning what spice goes in when, every uncontrollable fit of laughter. 

She would remember every Christmas and Easter that they would break out her Abuela’s Arroz Con Leche recipe, every concert they went to where they would scream lyrics until their throats were raw. 

Every failed test that her mother had stayed up late to help her study for, every flu shot where her mother still held her hand, no matter how old she got.

Every note written or melody sung would fill her mind. She didn’t know what would happen when it did, and she desperately didn’t want to find out. 

She stood up, “I’m sorry.”

Julie thought she heard Carrie say some snarky remark and that Flynn had retaliated, but she couldn’t have been sure before she was rushing out the door. 

After the school day, Flynn and her walked home as quickly as they could, sometimes sprinting. They needed to beat Julie’s father home after he picked up her brother, Carlos, up from his own school. She was praying that he hadn’t heard the news that she was out of the music program yet. 

She groaned as she saw his car already in the driveway

Flynn quickly hugged her, “It’s fine, he’ll understand.” She withdrew from the hug and held Julie at arms length with a sympathetic smile before they had to part. Flynn waved as she unlocked her front door and stepped inside. 

Julie took a sharp breath in before doing the same.

---

“So is ‘Clocks move faster / cause it’s all were after’ the first pre-chorus or the second pre-chorus?” Reggie ran his fingers through his hair, his nose scrunching, “Because wouldn’t it just make more sense to have the same pre-chorus on each verse?” 

The brunet’s bass was slung over his body as he rested his hands on the body of his guitar. He looked over to Luke, who was crouched over his lyrics. 

Luke shook his head , his air already dripping with sweat, “It’s the second pre-chorus, the first is ‘Clocks move forward / but we don’t get older.’” He semi, sang, strumming along on his guitar. “Changing it up adds movement, we don’t want to bore the listeners. It keeps the theme of staying young at heart.” 

Reggie nodded and plucked at his bass, testing out different rhythms. Moving his hands up the neck and over the strings, he finally settled on some semblance of a tune, repeating it over and over again. 

Alex joined him, adding a hit on each of the beats of the song. This gave the song a drive and pounding rhythm, working with Luke’s line of ‘Electric hammer to the heart.”

Luke stood up after scribbling something and added his guitar part over it, humming along with the melody, and soon they got well into the song, improvising along the way. There were still some wrong chords and off beats, but they had the bones of what they felt like would be a hit. 

Luke had gone from humming to singing, Reggie and Alex joining in. Luke felt his pulse quicken as he grinned. 

“‘We ain’t searchin’ for tomorrow’,” Alex sang, to which Reggie echoed, “‘Cause got all we need today’.”

Luke bopped along, “‘Living on a feeling that’s been running through our veins.”

They looked back and forth to each other, knowing what was coming next.

Reggie was supposed to have a line to end the bridge, but it hadn’t been written yet. Luke had spent hours trying to come up with something, but it just didn’t click, every line he wrote either changed the meaning of the song or was too clumsy.

Luke sighed as they all stopped playing and he cast an apologetic gaze to the bassist, “I’ll get it. I promise.”

The boy in the flannel just shook his head, “No worries bro, we’ve done a lot in,” He checked the clock on the wall and his eyes widened comically. “Five hours…”

This mock practice session had started in Alex’s garage right after school after Luke had presented them with a song at lunch. 

“It’s totally us,” He had said, sliding to the table with a lunch tray and a scribbled mess of paper, beaming, “Totally mid 90’s. And look, you-,” He pointed to Alex who looked excited but skeptical, “Can start the bridge and you-,” Luke turned his attention to Reggie, “Can echo, ending with…” 

Luke trailed off, he didn’t have an ending line yet, he knew it had to be perfect. Everyone knows you can’t end a bridge without a call to action, something that stirred and emotion so deep that you couldn’t help but sing along. 

He sighed as his mouth twisted, “I don’t know, I haven’t found the perfect line yet.” He looked down at his chicken scratch, then slid the paper across to Alex, who examined it. 

“I like it, have you decided where the harmonies should go yet, or nah?” Alex flipped his blond  hair back, after adjusting it in his snapback. He was already trying to decide what type of beats he would do, where the drum fills would be, and what he should consult Reggie on. 

The makeshift band had a process: Luke would write a basic lyric and chord progression and then he would bring it to the guys. From there Alex would come up with the heartbeat of the song with Reggie. Reggie would work with Luke to see what melodies he should be playing and how he and Luke would bounce off of each other.

When they came together, the three friends would look at who sang what, harmonies, and fill in the gaps in the music. They worked like a well oiled machine

But lunch had been 7 hours ago and it was now 8 o’clock, well past when Luke should have been home. The boy jumped as he looked outside, saw it was dark, and cursed under his breath. He quickly put his guitar on his stand and grabbed his book bag, then ran out with a wave to Reggie and Alex.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow, if I’m still alive,” he called before getting on his bike and going home. 

The air was damp and it had just rained, making the pavement slippery. Despite being almost winter, the weather was warm enough to where he only had to put on a shirt and jeans to be comfortable.

On his way to his house, Luke looked to the sky. He cataloged some shapes of dark clouds, moose, cat, spaceship, he thought. He chucked to himself, anything could be a space ship, it wasn’t creative enough, all the cloud had to be was somewhat circular. 

His mind drifted to Julie and what she would have to say about these clouds. She would probably smile, her adorable gap showing, and tell him all of the wonderful odd shapes she would see. 

“There, right there, a cat chasing a dog,” She would say, “No, no, scratch that, a dog chasing a cat chasing a pigeon. Wait sorry, a shark without a back fin. Or maybe a line of ducklings crossing a street.” Then she would narrow her eyes as the clouds shifted and formed new images, “Well now I don’t know what I see.” 

Luke would then look over and tell her that everything she saw was amazing, even if it was truly unremarkable. She was always able to see things he couldn’t, even if it was something as menial as a cloud. She could look at him and know exactly what was wrong no matter what; he didn’t know if she was truly super powered, or if he was super transparent. 

Which was why he was glad she couldn’t see him on their calls. 

She knew about Reggie and Alex, they had met before she left, but she didn’t know that they played music together. She didn’t know that Luke was writing songs with them like he used to with her. He didn’t want her to feel replaced.

And as far as she knew, his parents were completely fine with his music. They may have had little gripes here and there, but she thought that was the extent of it. 

As he arrived at his house and opened the front door, that wasn’t the case at all.

“Lucas Patterson!” His mother yelled from the kitchen, “Do you have any idea what time it is!”

Luke winced as she ran into the living room, wiping her hands on a dish towel. He could see that the dining room table had already been cleared and the leftovers put away. 

“It is 8:14! Would you like to tell me why the hell you missed dinner again for the third time this week? No wait! I bet I know! Let me guess, you were at Alex’s!” Her eyes were steel. It wasn’t a question, they both knew the only thing that would keep him out at night would be music with the guys. 

He gripped the strap of his back pack before looking at the floor, his knuckles white. “I’m sorry Mom. I just lost track of time, you know how I get.”

Emily smoothed her brow with her fingers as her husband walked in from the kitchen. “At least tell me you did your homework.” 

Luke didn’t answer.

His mom threw the dish towel to the floor, “Luke we had a deal! You can keep playing your guitar and going to ‘band practice,’” She used air quotes, “As long as you did your homework before then and always made it home for dinner. Always! Your family and school work is important! I know you don’t think so, but as long as you live under our roof, you abide by our rules!”

He threw his hands up and scoffed, “I’m not going to stop playing music, it’s my life! And you can’t stop me! I am sorry if I miss a few family dinners a week, but isn’t that fine if it means I’m happy?” 

His mother looked at him like he had sprouted another head, “Son, I know it’s been hard ever since Julie left, and I know you miss her but--”

“But what Mom? There’s nothing I can do about it, she’s in New York! And the only thing keeping me connected to her is music, and right now, you don’t even let me have that.” Luke stormed through the living room into his room. 

He dropped his bag down with a thunk, and sat on his bed, smashing his head into a pillow and screaming. He regretted that he didn’t bring his guitar back, if only to take out his anger by shredding on volume 10. 

The day kept getting later, and while he didn’t like calling her while angry, he dialed Julie’s phone number. 

The phone rang a couple times before she picked up, “Hello, this is Her Majesty Queen Julie Molina, what is your concern peasant?” She said in a haughty voice, before her façade broke with a giggle.

“Well Your Highness, I have come to discuss today’s weather.” He replied, playing along, her voice instantly making him feel better.

“Today we have seen a couch, a baby, and many many trees.”

“I have also seen many trees; they are very common in the sky.” Luke laughed, “I may have also spotted a suitcase and an umbrella. Sadly my Queen, the rain made it quite hard to see too many shapes.”

Julie clicked her tongue, he could see her face now, her nose scrunched and her mouth down turned, “That is a downright shame. Is there any news to report?’”

Luke perked up at that and rushed to get the words out of his mouth, “Actually, yeah. I wrote a song, ‘Now or Never,’ and it’s actually not that bad. Except I can’t figure out this one line, and it’s been bugging me all day.” He huffed, “Do you wanna hear it?”

She replied just as giddy as he is, “Of course!”

The brunet then launched into singing an a cappella version of his song from memory, stopping here or there to say things such as, “A harmony would totally go here,” or “Add a little guitar riff and it’d be perfect.” 

He kept going until, “‘Living on a feeling that’s been running through our veins’. And then of course another line, and then the chorus.” He was staring at his popcorn ceiling now, smiling like a kid in a candy shop. 

Julie paused, then said, “We’re the revolution that’s been singing in the rain.” 

“What?”

“That’s it, that’s your missing lyric.”

Luke froze, she really couldn’t get any more perfect.

“Queen Julie, you are a genius!” He jumped off of his bed to grab a scrap of paper off of his messy desk before writing down the lyric. “You songwriting genius! If you have stuff like that flowing through your brain, how aren’t you playing it?”

He didn’t mean to bring it up, it just sort of happened. But it was true, how could she be so good at writing and let it go to waste?

Julie cleared her throat, “Well actually--”

“You sang again? I knew it, I knew you would!” Luke cut her off.

“Well no,” She rushed out, he could already see her running her hand over her face in exasperation. He has to stop interrupting people. “I got kicked out of the music program. I haven’t played anything since I got here, and I couldn't either today. I guess that was the last straw, because my teacher called my dad and said that unless I could play something by the end of the week, I need to choose a new elective.”

They sat in silence. 

Luke played with his hands, knitting his fingers together and pulling them apart before an idea came to him, “What about your mom’s song. Not for class I mean! But, if just to sit down at your piano again and play something, what about that? She wrote it for you after all. And then maybe afterwards you’d be good to play for your class and boom! You’re Julie, songwriting pianist extraordinaire again!”

“I-I don’t know about that, Luke,” She swallowed. Right before her mom passed, they had written a song together, but she hasn’t even been able to look at it since she moved. If she sat down to play it, she’d be accepting all of those memories back. But then again, if she needed to sing anything it would be her mother’s song. They had taken a few months to write it, and Julie’s mom had completed it before…

“I mean maybe. I’ll see. I’ll try.” Julie nodded to herself and gave a determinant look to her wall. Tomorrow morning she would go to her garage and play her mother's song.

“You promise?” Luke asked tentatively. 

“I promise.”

“Alright. I guess I should go, it’s probably pretty late where you are. I’ll see you soon?”

Julie nodded, “See you soon.” Then hung up.

[gunnerpalace]

YoruIchiRuki (Neapolitan Ice Cream) AUs & Headcanons

(Art by @371am​, used with permission and originally posted here; if you like it, please go show your appreciation!)

INTRODUCTION & CONTINUITIES

YoruIchiRuki, or variously YIR, The Idiots, or Neapolitan Ice Cream (so named because Yoruichi: chocolate, Ichigo: strawberry, Rukia: vanilla) is my AU-only OT3 of choice, and I’m here to talk about their major AUs and my headcanons for them! Most of the notes I have are from discussions some years ago with @sequencefairy (Jess), although many other people have contributed as well and I will try to point them out as and when possible. If you find this post interesting, please give me your feedback!

As YIR is explicitly AU-only (because it doesn’t really make any sense at all in anything even really remotely resembling “canonical” Bleach) it’s probably prudent to go over its contexts first. The major AUs are as follows:

Grounded! Modern Continuity - What might be called the “prime” YIR continuity, Grounded! is the original timeline, set in a No Powers, Human, and Modern alternate-history in which Japan colonized the West Coast of North America. Rukia, Yoruichi, and Ichigo are drawn together in a series of comic (yet sometimes angsty) circumstances in the midst of the worst snowstorm in ages, and become entangled going forward. Its revised outline can be seen here, its namesake fic here, and other fics set in its timeline here (with two more associated fics here and here). I am attempting to get back to continuing the main fic in the near future.

Western Continuity - Set earlier in the above timeline (but technically in a parallel universe version of it), the as-yet unnamed Western Continuity is intended to be an east-meets-west fusion set in the Wild West, reminiscent of things such as Sukiyaki Western Django. Currently largely undeveloped. There is, however, a post about some of the aesthetics here.

Samurai Continuity - The as-yet unnamed Samurai Continuity is much the same as Western Continuity, except set earlier still during the Edo period and drawing major inspiration from Samurai Champloo, with Ichigo in a role like Mugen, Yoruichi in a role like Jin, and Rukia in a role like Fuu (searching for Byakuya, “the samurai who smells of sakura”). Currently largely undeveloped.

BattleTech Continuity - The as-yet unnamed BattleTech Continuity is set in a distant future where mankind has colonized the stars, only to divide into five major political powers and descend into internecine warfare, often waged by means of BattleMechs, hulking bipedal war machines. Yoruichi, Ichigo, and Rukia are members of the elite of three of these powers, and wind up serving together as soldiers of fortune due to a strange series of events. The initial outline can be seen here.

Operation GAMER QZGS Continuity - Designed by @synoshian (Lies), Operation GAMER is set in the same timeline as Quan Zhi Gao Shou / The King’s Avatar, a Chinese property (novel, manhua, donghua, and live action series) revolving around an MMORPG called Glory. Taking place five years after that series begins, and focusing on the Japanese (rather than the Chinese) professional scene, it sees Rukia, Ichigo, and Yoruichi as pro-players on different teams who all meet on alternate accounts shortly after the opening of the 15th Server. Although largely undeveloped, there is some nifty art of Yoruichi and Rukia’s in-game characters.

All of the characters are aged up in these scenarios, with Ichigo and Rukia usually being in their early-to-mid-20s, and Yoruichi being in her mid-20s to early-30s, depending (with the youngest age I could see being Ichigo at 18 in the Western Continuity; even Mugen is 19 in Samurai Champloo). The mechanisms of how YIR gravitate together vary by continuity. For example: in Grounded!, Ichigo and Rukia know of each other, but only properly meet each other after Yoruichi makes moves on Rukia; meanwhile, in BattleTech Ichigo and Rukia meet much as they do in Bleach, with Yoruichi entering the picture roughly a month later as usual. What matters to their dynamic is less who makes the first moves, and more who they are as people and how they interrelate.

VISUAL NOTES

Before I move on, I would like to briefly note the visual contrasts each pair of the triad presents. Everyone already knows how Ichigo and Rukia visually contrast one another. Ichigo and Yoruichi have a similar height contrast (as manga-Yoruichi is notably shorter than anime-Yoruichi), a skin tone contrast, and a hair color contrast (orange vs. purple). Rukia and Yoruichi are of fairly similar heights, but again have a skin tone contrast, an eye color contrast (violet-blue vs. yellow), and a body shape contrast (petite but developed vs. curvy but thin).

Each set looks good and distinct from one another optically, and the same is true when they’re all together as a result. I feel that their aesthetic is reflected in the OT3 name of Neapolitan Ice Cream; they’re just really nice to look at together.

LOVE LANGUAGES

To expound on how the three relate to one another, I recently discussed the concept of love languages with @rukia-kuchiki-divided​ (having first been informed of the concept by Jess and having discussed it with her), and she wrote a lovely post introducing the concept and applying it to IchiRuki. I agree with her reading of how it applies to them, and find it useful to expand on what’s presented there as a means of better understanding how YIR interact with one another. My best estimate for a more detailed take on the love languages that each of them hear (desire) and speak (provide), based on “canonical” Bleach, is as follows:

Yoruichi • Desires: 1. Physical Touch, 2. Acts of Service, 3. Quality Time • Provides: 1. Acts of Service, 2. Physical Touch, 3. Quality Time Ichigo • Desires: 1. Words of Affirmation, 2. Physical Touch, 3. Quality Time • Provides: 1. Acts of Service, 2. Physical Touch, 3. Quality Time Rukia • Desires: 1. Acts of Service, 2. Physical Touch, 3. Quality Time • Provides: 1. Words of Affirmation, 2. Acts of Service, 3. Physical Touch

As can be seen, Ichigo and Rukia are almost perfectly reciprocal. (Rukia’s tertiary provision was settled on being Physical Touch rather than Quality Time due to her tendency to bond through token violence, and initially aloof disposition, although it’s a fairly close thing. I think most of the others are essentially self-evident and don’t require much substantiation.) However, it can also be seen that Yoruichi has very strong secondary and tertiary matches across the board. That is what forms the basis of her addition to the triad in all scenarios.

Having at least alluded to the sorts of circumstances under which they come together (and hopefully having piqued your interest!), allow me to elaborate upon that further by explaining the history of the concept, which is strongly related to the writing history of Grounded! itself, before moving on to actual headcanons. 

IDEA HISTORY

When I first came up with the idea for Grounded!, the original intent was for it to be a sort of sexy and comedic one-shot. The short version was, instead of “just as keikaku” shounen shenanigans organized by Kisuke and Aizen leading to Ichigo and Rukia meeting, it’s instead Yoruichi’s desire to live her life the way she wants and enjoy herself that lead to her bringing them together, as she basically steps into their nascent awareness of each other in pursuing a physical attraction to Rukia, and then decides to catalyze them meeting each other by going after Ichigo and then setting the two of them up together. This probably epitomizes it:

“Listen: you could do the normal thing of going on dates and trying to do some kind of long-distance relationship and whatever, and be miserable about the opportunity you might be losing. Or you could trust in my judgment and believe me. You and you,” Yoruichi said, pointing between them, “are like this.” She clapped her hands together, interlinking her fingers.

Ichigo and Rukia flushed and looked at each other with disbelief.

Yoruichi unhooked her fingers and made a circle with one thumb and forefinger, poking the other forefinger through it. “So, you should save us all the drama and just do this already.”

Their expressions shifted to mortification.

Yoruichi shrugged and lifted a hand, rolling her eyes. “If you’re so nervous, I could be there for your first time together,” she teased. She didn’t really believe they’d agree, but it wasn’t like she hadn’t been with both of them.

At that, Ichigo and Rukia both gaped.

She gave a mock frown. “What?”

“No!” they both stated at the same time, looking at one another in surprise.

Yoruichi smiled and held up her hands in surrender before scooting her chair back and sauntering off. She’d expected as much. Besides, it was clearly a mission accomplished.

The pair watched her abrupt departure together before slowly turning their attention toward one another. It wasn’t long until they both flushed.

Ichigo looked away decisively.

Rukia looked down. “Well...”

“Let me take you out to dinner.”

She blinked and side-eyed him.

“I don't know about... all the nonsense she was saying. And you can decide whatever you want. But at least... let me take you out to dinner.”

Which would lead to dinner and a movie and staying over for coffee and one thing leading to another until Ichigo and Rukia lay together, cuddled together under the sheets and blankets

“She was right,” Rukia whispered.

“... Yeah.”

One of her hands spiraled over his chest. “But?”

Ichigo shifted his jaw. How Yoruichi had gone about proving she was right still didn't entirely sit well with him.

She peered up at him lazily. “I guess we owe her.”

There was a long silence.

“Yeah...”

Which led to the idea of the two getting their “revenge” on Yoruichi by rewarding her in kind. All’s well that ends well, and the three were supposed to go their two separate ways.

It was only gradually that the internal timeline of the story expanded and more emotive and genuinely angsty elements started to creep into my notions of it: Ichigo’s self-loathing at being unable to work up the nerve to approach Rukia, Rukia’s loneliness and isolation, the touch-deprivation of both, Yoruichi’s growing realization she made a mess of things by following her own heart, her resolve to “fix” things, and finally and most importantly, her own budding attachment to the two of them.

I started thinking about Yoruichi’s physical attraction toward first Rukia (and then Ichigo) turning into actual feelings. My read of her has always been that she’s much more emotive than she lets on, she just has a fairly tight grip on her sentiments most of the time and tends to keep her observations to herself. But after having slept with both Ichigo and Rukia, and especially the two of them together, I imagined her seeing what they had together and missing it afterward. I thought of her going to Kisuke’s bar and asking if she could sleep in his room just to not be alone at night. And I imagined Rukia and Ichigo missing her too—her playfulness and teasing, her confident smile, her laugh. The more I contemplated that, the more I thought of them returning to her some weeks later to invite her on a proper trip with them, only to find Yoruichi still hurt and lonely and aching for the connection with them. This is where “The Ending” section of the summary of Grounded! (linked above) came in:

Yoruichi frowned and set her expression hard, focusing intently on some point off to the side. When she spoke, her voice carried the gravitas of authority. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Rukia blinked and automatically drew her hands back in confusion.

Ichigo likewise released her as he felt her go rigid.

Yoruichi closed her eyes. “I can understand wanting to pay me back, but you did that already! Do you think I was bullshitting you!? You’re perfect for each other! Hell, it’s like you were designed to be together! You’re like yin and yang, black and white! Why are you trying to ruin it, you idiots?!”

Ichigo and Rukia’s gazes found each other before they glanced to Yoruichi and then looking to either side.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Yoruichi’s tone was low, but in the quiet that had descended over the room it was more than loud enough.

The attentions of the two were instantly upon her again.

Yoruichi clamped her hands around her upper arms tighter yet, letting out a brief, harsh laugh. Her voice grew quieter still. “Do you think I’m stupid enough to believe that there’s any place for me in that kind of thing…?”

A moment passed. Then another.

Rukia bit her lip and looked to Ichigo.

He met her gaze. A decision flickered between them and he turned his attention to Yoruichi, delicately taking hold of her waist again.

She blinked her eyes open in surprise only to freeze as Rukia’s hands returned to her cheeks.

Rukia once more tried to turn Yoruichi’s head—succeeding given her preoccupation—and studied her intently. Yoruichi’s voice had been steady but there was no mistaking the gleam at the outer corners of her eyes. She carefully brought her thumbs up to wipe the tears away.

Yoruichi’s eyes widened in response and she was suddenly aware of her heartbeat hammering in her ears. She looked up, needing to focus on anything but the concern Rukia was radiating for her. “I just wanted you to be happy,” she whispered. There was no space for her in that picture. No room.

Ichigo moved closer so he was lightly pressed to her back, and brought his forehead down to rest against the top of her head, burying his nose against the start of her ponytail. The citrus scent of her hair put him at ease and his arms naturally slid around her waist. “Then come with us.”

She shivered at the contact but didn’t try to pull away.

Rukia released Yoruichi’s hands and slid her arms around her neck, hugging her and pushing her back against Ichigo. The sudden rush of the aromas that so defined Yoruichi filled her thoughts and she found herself relaxing at it. “Please?”

Yoruichi shut her eyes. “But…”

“We’d like you to be there,” Ichigo insisted.

“And we know you’d like it too,” Rukia whispered.

Yoruichi clenched her jaw before dropping her chin so she leaned against Rukia, unfolding her arms. She got one hand around to the back of Rukia’s head and brought the other up onto the back of Ichigo’s.

This is where I came to a conundrum, and then happened to find the solution a few weeks later. Ichigo and Rukia, even in AUs, still often feel like they have the weight of their “canonical” symbolism arrayed about them—their Sun and Moon symbolism in all its resplendent glory. And this is what Yoruichi is alluding to in her criticisms of their actions; how can one fit into such a picture?

It’ll probably sound silly to you when I try to explain it, but there was a video of a black cat that got into a bath tub full of seaweed-based glitter from a Lush bath bomb going around at the time. Someone then drew some art with the caption, “he’s cosplaying the night sky,” and something in my head just clicked. While I reblogged it at the time with, “I know this is a male cat, but: imagine Yoruichi…” the association went deeper than that.

The characters of Yoruichi’s name, 夜一, mean "night" and "one" respectively. There are a number of ways to potentially read her name. The use of numerals in names is often just a counter, so it could mean something like "(first daughter) night," but counters are usually reserved for men. (Presumably, her brother Yuushirou's name, whose characters are "evening," "four," and a suffix for "son," is a similar time reference to his birthday rather than a counter, as there is no evidence Yoruichi had any additional brothers, be it two or three more, whom would presumably be dead.) What I think it might actually be supposed to signify is wordplay on her birthday, as she was born on the 1st of January (thus, on the literal first night).

If taken more literally and combined with her shunshin nickname (usually translated as “Flash Goddess,” but more literally meaning something like, “God of Moving in the Blink of an Eye”), it becomes evocative of a meaning like, “The Goddess Who Disappeared in One Night.” (There was an old name meanings post on the Soul-Society LiveJournal which has since been deleted which affirms this, but her relevant entry is still quoted here.) This was sort of a play on her disappearance from Soul Society, but as an actual character it does her quite a disservice; she is actually quite loyal and sticks around when she wants to. (One could also easily make “one night stand” jokes about her and I think this likewise does her a disservice, but I’ll get into that more later.)

Regardless, her association with the night is very established through her name. It's the dominant component of her name.

And so I thought, “My god, that’s exactly it: she’s the night sky. She’s Space.” What’s interesting about the Sun and Moon is that they do not exist unto themselves. You might initially think of space as nothingness, yet not only is that scientifically inaccurate, but more importantly for our discussion it obscures its role in permitting the Sun and Moon to exist and move around. Space is not nothingness, it’s a place. It is a thing unto itself.

I don’t think Rukia and Ichigo, themselves, are aware of their Moon and Sun symbolism, because that is essentially metatextual to them as characters. But if they were, and they were trying to explain why they wanted Yoruichi to come along with them in the scene above, I think they would say exactly that: “The Sun and the Moon aren't just these Platonic ideals, you know. They exist out in Space. But Space isn't just nothing, doing nothing. And you, you're our Space. You helped make this happen. You’re a part of it.”

I have had this idea in mind from almost the very start of actually taking Grounded! (and YIR in general) seriously, and as I constructed the more detailed love languages chart above, I felt that I was again seeing the same kind of underlying logic borne out in it. My conception of YIR’s dynamics, the way I really see it, might be considered as an expansion on traditional IR dynamics, rather than something bolted onto the side; like going from the set of real numbers to complex numbers, rather than just adding on a new code library to a program.

This has been a somewhat long-winded way of circling back to where we were with that love languages chart, but I felt that addressing the historical process of how this happened was important to explaining it and why I personally feel it’s more than just run-of-the mill crack fic, even if it again makes no sense in relation to “canon.”

INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS

Ichigo and Rukia’s relational mechanism of being (playfully) combative is quite well established. They essentially play fight over petty or inconsequential matters as a way of showing engagement, but there’s a demonstrated understanding and affection underneath such behavior. Their comfort with and ease in being in physical contact and proximity with each other is a reflection of their secondary and tertiary love languages, with their primaries coming out in more serious and meaningful moments. This is not to say that they aren’t capable of being sappy or romantic, but rather that they often code it within their squabbling; arguing and teasing each other is often how they show they care. Consider Rukia’s teasing of Ichigo in chapter 423 of the manga as the archetypal example:

Rukia: What's this? Don't look so sad. Even if you can no longer see me, I will still be able to see you. Ichigo: What the hell? That's nothing to be happy about. And I don't look sad!

The image that Ichigo and Rukia front is one of a pair who seem to argue but do so mostly just to keep things interesting, like an old married couple, which is the main reason why so many people both in the text and reading it assume they are a thing. I think structurally similar but expressively different behavior would happen between the other two sides of the triangle.

Ichigo and Yoruichi’s behavior would often come across as being more like that of “bros.” In “canon,” Ichigo is clearly shown to have hobbies and interests (video games and literature) and to at least engage with other activities even if he doesn’t particularly care about them (sports, pop culture, movies). While the same is not immediately obvious for Yoruichi, it can be inferred she probably has similar token interests as otherwise there’d be precious little for her to do in the Living World. (I have always headcanoned her absence[s] from the Urahara Shop as being her out seeing the wider world.) We’re not talking about Bleach, but I think these behaviors are intrinsic to them as characters, and I think it’s how they’d often connect. They might talk about TV shows, movies, games, sports teams, whatever. I can imagine them setting up a fantasy football league between them, even if they didn’t care about football. The content is not really what matters to them so much as the fact that it provides them something to talk about and bond over, without necessarily being overtly emotional. They would probably also leaven it with physical teasing or innuendo (mostly from Yoruichi’s end, with Ichigo playing the role of straight man in response). The sense you would get as an outsider is a couple who are on the same wavelength and have the same values and interests and are rather physically in tune too.

Rukia and Yoruichi’s behavior would by contrast often come across as “girly.” I don’t mean that pejoratively or necessarily to typecast it. As they’re both proud, independent, and strong women, and are often in positions that require them to present a certain face to the world that relies on those attributes, I think they’d relish opportunities to figuratively let their hair and guards down, relax, and just laugh and smile and have a good time. I think one of the ways this would manifest is that they would see time together as a way of indulging in shared activities, many of which are seen as feminine, such as shopping, gossiping, and enjoying time out and about (such as in restaurants or cafes). A less traditional avenue of expressing it would be shared physical activities. I can imagine them wanting to do things like duos beach volleyball, badminton, paintball, and so on. (Ichigo, although physical and perfectly capable of playing sports, doesn’t seem much interested in them for their own sake; he is ironically the biggest “nerd” of the three.) I think they’d find a lot of commonality and companionship in these shared activities, regardless of what they were actually doing. They’d probably also tease each other and have a back and forth, as they both often tend to like adopting that role (perhaps more physically from Yoruichi’s side, and more emotionally from Rukia’s). From the outside, they would probably seem like a sprightly and sincere couple, more akin to “young love.”

I think what makes the concept of YIR really special to me is what happens when the three of them are all together, because what I see winding up happening is a synthesis of all three of these paired relationships. I imagine it as being fluid and fun. There is this concept in astronomy known as the three-body problem, the simple explanation of which is that when there are three (or more) celestial bodies moving together, it becomes impossible to accurately determine their future motion; there is no general closed-form solution and a dynamical and chaotic system is produced. And that’s exactly how I imagine YIR would work together. One minute, Yoruichi and Rukia would be teaming up to poke fun at Ichigo; the next, Ichigo and Yoruichi would be doting on Rukia and making her feel flustered; the one after, Ichigo and Rukia could be making Yoruichi feel sappy and mushy. From seemingly fairly simple operating rules, one gets very complex interactions that can turn on a dime. And I feel that’s really the joy of YIR as a triad: they’re very high-contrast and have tremendous range together.

I think all four sets of interactions (each pair and the triad) would have strong but subtle elements of verbal teasing and physical touch. Holding hands, light touches here or there (the shoulder, the side, the arm), and more provocative ones (little butt pats or brushes or slaps, or the ladies discreetly rubbing their chests against the recipient of affection), or a whisper in the ear... but I’ll address their teasing and more involved physicality and sexuality in more detail in two later sections.

Even more pronounced than that, however, would be their routine eye contact. Ichigo and Rukia are well known for using their eyes to communicate with one another, and I think Yoruichi would fit into that dynamic quite well, as she’s very visually expressive too. Where and how she is looking at things is a big tell for her mood and psychological state, just like it is for the other two, and I think she would be very good at speaking to them and hearing them in ways they already understand.

I’m working on a sort of compilation fic for @duckiesteasmiles​​ (Nami) called The Many Mornings of Yoruichi, where each entry is a different morning of Yoruichi waking up within a YIR relationship (nominally Modern Continuity), some of which are sweet and fluffy, some of which are spicy and sexy, and some of which are wistful and thoughtful. In one of them:

Her gaze continued to linger in his direction for long seconds until she closed her eyes and turned her head the other way, pressing her lips and nose to the back of his hand. She neither quite kissed it nor merely nuzzled it. His skin smelled good in a way she couldn't really explain, just like Rukia's hair did. Just like all of both of them did. And being like this with the two of them...

They gave her something that was difficult to put into words. It was like the difference between being out on the water and standing on dry land. It went beyond something as simple as a mere sense of stability. For the first time since she was a child, it felt like there was a place for her that she could truly call home. Such a gift, she wanted to both pay it back and pay it forward. She wanted them to have that feeling too, as best as she could possibly manage. Their family situations might not be nearly so estranged as hers, but... she wanted them to always feel that sense of home.

Yoruichi smooched the back of Ichigo's hand and turned her head back toward him and Rukia, quietly sighing in contentment. Did she really have butterflies in her stomach from just this? These two idiots have turned me into such a sap...

I feel like this middle paragraph is true for all three of them, if each in their own ways. In Bleach, it seems evident to me that Ichigo and Rukia create a sense of home for one another, and it manifests in the familiar and expected, the little things that fill in the gaps in their lives. I think things would be much the same for YIR.

A big part of that, I think, would be homemaking—mundane and domestic things through which they could show their care and affection. Things like washing the dishes together, going out for groceries, meeting each other at the arrivals gate and acting as chauffeurs for one another (Yoruichi would mostly drive, although sometimes Ichigo would), and collapsing on the couch together to watch TV or movies, or play games, or just lounge after they've had long days. Yoruichi would put away leftovers but always make sure there was lunch for them for the next day, Rukia would remember to pick up the juice she knows they like when she's at the store, and Ichigo would bring little things home for them when he comes back from wherever he's been travelling.

I think they would all take to cooking for one another. Yoruichi would do a lot of it and would be responsible for the majority of meal prep, and be the closest thing they had to a chef. Ichigo would only really be good at making a small set of about a half-dozen (hearty) hings, and they would often look a bit sketchy, but they’d taste fantastic (think like that one really ugly cake Gordon Ramsay hated to admit tasted great). Rukia is more into making fiddly pastries and desserts. They’d often wind up dividing dinnertime efforts between them (almost like an Iron Chef team) and sometimes it’d all go wrong and they’d have to order pizza, but they always have fun with it.

It feels like, by virtue of her choices in life (especially military service) and spending a lot of time living alone, Yoruichi would be primed to know the most about domestic activities (keeping things neat and tidy and clean, doing chores) and would try and set examples that way, even and especially when their schedules didn’t really line up. So, Ichigo and Rukia would come home to find everything in order and ready for them, and meals cooked in the freezer they could heat up. I think they’d always be kind of shocked she tried so hard, but that’d be part of how she justified her role in it to herself: she’d want them taken care of so they could be excellent, because that's what she was wanting and trying to do from the start.

And they’d take it up too and reciprocate it; when she was away from home for a while and they weren’t, they’d do the same for her—both of them realizing it was one of the ways she would tell them she loves them without saying it, and remembering to do it in return. Ichigo would perform a lot of this, sort of standing in as Yoruichi’s second in command in this regard, and also take on a lot of the “manlier” responsibilities like mowing the lawn, raking leaves, cleaning out the rain gutters, and so on. I imagine him becoming handy around the house and doing a lot of the heavy, tedious, or mindless things.

Meanwhile, Rukia would focus more on supporting morale, leaving around little notes and messages and reminders for them to keep up their spirits; things like fridge magnet messages or little framed photos or collages, cheery messages by text or chat or on social media. She’s the one who’d tell them both all the time how much she loves them—she's the one who would (eventually, because she’s stubborn sometimes herself) say that she misses them, who’d call when it was late and she thought they might be lonely, and when and she wanted and needed (however privately) to hear from them. She'd always be there with the right words at the right time; psyching Ichigo up before a big case, helping Yoruichi navigate a difficult co-worker situation... Rukia would always know what to say and when. (This, by itself, might move Yoruichi less, initially, but I think she would always appreciate the intent behind it.)

I think they’d also have interesting relationships with one another’s relatives. Ichigo would have to field some interesting questions from Karin and Yuzu and deal with some absurdities from Isshin (or Masaki!). Rukia and Yoruichi might work with Kuukaku to shield Ichigo from the public spotlight on the Shiba. Little things like that. Byakuya would probably be more than a little protective of Rukia and have interesting interactions with Yoruichi and Ichigo. Early on in the relationship, he might wind up getting into a staring contest with Yoruichi over the whole thing. Ichigo would back her up without question, and he’d just look between the two of them for a time before stating, “I know you will treat Rukia well.”  Later, Yoruichi would be annoyed at Ichigo and be all, “I didn’t need you to do that,” and he'd be like, “Yeah, yeah, I know, Captain.” 

(In the Modern Continuity, at any rate, Byakuya initially does not really approve, but also does not really disapprove. He sometimes checks in with Rukia by phone, and can occasionally hear Ichigo and Yoruichi yelling at each other in the background. This sometimes seems like an actual argument but is of no substance and is just about some surreal nonsense. [What is “Dance Dance Revolution” anyway?] Kuukaku catches him brooding about it after the calls sometimes, and is always touching a shoulder and intoning, “If she's happy, it’s fine.” “I know,” he says. Eventually, he really does come to believe it and respect the other two. In the other continuities, and especially BattleTech, it’d be... more complicated still.)

I also think the three would have a lot of intimate moments that weren’t sexual. Things like: Yoruichi and Rukia waiting for Ichigo to come home so they could surprise him with the contrasting lingerie they bought together; Ichigo and Yoruichi drawing a bath with candles and rose petals and scented wash for Rukia, sitting beside it and keeping her company while she soaks and then massaging her together; or Ichigo and Rukia laying out a candlelit dinner for Yoruichi and pulling her over to a fire place to sip wine with her, giving her just enough to loosen up but not enough to lay her out. (Yoruichi is “canonically” a total lightweight, although I sometimes headcanon that she developed a strong aversion to alcohol in her past; Nami has come up with a cute headcanon that she pops her hair-tie off and lets her hair down when she drinks, like Chisato in Love is Like a Cocktail.)

Hell, even the way they jockey for position in front of the mirror in the morning to brush their teeth together strikes me as cute.

To make a long story short, I think they could have a very mature and nuanced but still fun and playful relationship that winds up mutually supporting all of them.

TEASING

In my opinion, one of the other great joys of YIR is how they’d tease each other. I think their teasing of one another in public or private would be quite multifaceted, especially through repartee.

Yoruichi and Rukia would always be teasing Ichigo just for the fun of it; going to the bathroom together, shopping for clothes and going to the dressing rooms at the same time, it wouldn't matter. Always leaving him standing there in the store with the pile of bags or at the table with drinks and coming back giggling to each other and flushed. Maybe a third of the time they’d actually have done something, and the rest they’d just pretend they had, working each other up to the teasing by critiquing each other's acting and telling jokes. And he’d know, and play along even if they caught him off-guard:

“I know you're just saying these things.”

“Do you?” they both asked with raised eyebrows

They’d also always be being wing-women for one another, winding him up. They might be at a restaurant and:

Ichigo’s eyes instinctively tracked Rukia as she went to go get a bottle of ketchup from another table.

Yoruichi leaned sideways and brought her lips to his ear. “Did you know she's wearing crotchless panties?” she breathed.

He abruptly reddened.

She give his earlobe a kitten lick, adding, “So am I,” then smoothly leaned back into place before Rukia could return.

When she did so she stopped and studied him, noting the sweat at his hairline. She adopted an exasperated look. “Did you order your food too spicy again?”

Or Ichigo and Rukia might be laying on recliners poolside while Yoruichi is stretching some distance away before hitting the pool:

“Oi, Ichigo,” Rukia said mildly.

“What?”

“Have you ever noticed how well that swimsuit defines her mound?”

“Don't say things like that!”

Rukia grinned impishly at him.

And Ichigo would, of course, sometimes get them back:

Rukia: Don't act like you know my favorite kind of chocolate, fool. Ichigo: Of course I do. Yoruichi: So, what is it then? Ichigo: The same as yours: salted. Both ladies blink and then flush. Ichigo: The same as how I know your favorite pies are— They clasp their hands over his mouth while glaring at him.

But his main method of retaliation would be being really good at inappropriately hot goodbye kisses that leave whichever of them he’s kissing breathless and reaching for him as he steps back. That and he’d be good at low-key yet also really flagrant public displays of affection that give away they're a unit, like swatting or groping their asses, though he’d also be good at timing them so nobody else saw them.

This kind of teasing would extend across a wide range of scenarios too. Imagine, if you will: Ichigo and Rukia are sitting down for dinner in a really fancy restaurant; Ichigo has on a very fitted black tuxedo, Rukia has on a slinky black cocktail dress with lots of bling, and they're waiting on Yoruichi, who said she’d meet them there. When she walks in, she’s got on a white tuxedo jacket like James Bond (although her lapel flower is orange; I headcanon it as her favorite color) and the other two just kinda stop and stare because that is not at all what they were expecting, but damn.

Yoruichi: What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? Ichigo: ... Rukia: I think he’s just realized he’s kinda gay for you in that. Ichigo: ... Shut up! Rukia: ... I’m a little gay for you in that... Yoruichi: Haha. Only a little~?

When I was contemplating the Samurai Continuity, I thought about them commenting on the show intro of Samurai Champloo as though they were actors playing the roles and seeing the assembled cut for the first time:

Yoruichi: How fitting that Ichigo is symbolized by a cock. Ichigo: I could say the same about the irony of you being symbolized by a fish. Yoruichi: Are you insulting my hygiene, you bastard!? I don't recall you complaining about it last night when you had your head down there for an hour! Rukia: Shut up, both of you! How could I possibly be expected to eat so much food? It’s ridiculous!

In the same setting, I sort of imagined that Yoruichi and Ichigo would sleep together first given all the crackling tension between them (not quite a hatefuck the first time, but something competitive, rough, and passionate and not exactly loving) but would refuse to admit they had a thing together even afterwards:

Yoruichi: Me? With that orange-haired brat? Ichigo: With that purple-haired bitch? Yoruichi: With his stupid chocolate eyes? Ichigo: With her arrogant, gleaming, little canine-toothed smirk? Yoruichi: His oxen, large, dumb, wide shoulders. Ichigo: Her prissy, smug, sashaying hips. Yoruichi: Always getting you vice-like in those big, strong hands... Ichigo: Always shoving her chest into you every chance she gets... They both blush and go quiet. Rukia, in the background: GOD, JUST FUCK ALREADY! Yoruichi and Ichigo, turning: SHUT UP, HOW DO YOU KNOW WE HAVEN’T!?

I think Yoruichi would often indulge Rukia’s flights of fancy and cuteness. Going back to Grounded!, I can imagine them subjecting Ichigo to “The Thrilling Adventures of Chappy and Kitty” while he’s trying to work from home:

Yoruichi, wearing cat ears: He’s just mad because he doesn't have an animal associated with him, nyan.  Rukia, wearing bunny ears: That’s right! You’re just a strawberry, pyon! Ichigo: Seriously, it’s annoying, stop it. Rukia: Fool. Yoruichi, luridly: You plan on making us? Ichigo: Hmph... you wish! Rukia: You know, bunnies are famous for nibbling, and kitties for licking... Yoruichi leans over and gives Rukia a cute peck on the cheek followed by a small lick. Yoruichi: Maybe he doesn’t want to play~

A random little teasing scenario:

Yoruichi got her arms around Rukia’s shoulders from behind and put her in a light and playful choke hold, poking her head out to one side and leering at Ichigo. “Oi, wanna know how to make her squeal like a schoolgirl? I can tell you~”

I really just cannot emphasize enough how much I love their banter and playfulness and the different forms it can take, from mature and witty to childish and bratty.

ANGST

I don’t think YIR’s relationship would always be sunshine and rainbows. I think each of them has their own trauma to deal with, regardless of the timeline. In every one of these continuities (although not every possible continuity), Rukia would be dealing with the death of Kaien, and Ichigo would be dealing with the death of a parent (often Masaki, but as time goes on I think it’s increasingly more interesting that Isshin die instead). That’s well-established. But I also think Yoruichi has her own sources of angst too, albeit perhaps not as severe.

In “canon” Bleach, Yoruichi is shown as having given up everything in order to live on her own terms. This is often presented as no big deal, and as having been her choice, but I often get the sense that it added a contemplative and possibly even morose side to her. (If you made me pick two songs for her, one would be a song I had her choose to do karaoke to in a fic, Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life”, and the other would be a remix of Lana Del Rey’s “Born To Die”.)

I imagine the same is true of the various versions of Yoruichi in each of these continuities. I think many of them also have their own additional traumas. Yoruichi in Grounded! had some unpleasant experiences during the Gulf War (having had to eject and evade capture on the ground overnight), while Yoruichi in BattleTech would have seen (and done) a fair share of nasty things as Coordinator and as a mercenary, and the Yoruichi of the Samurai Continuity and the Yoruichi of the Western Continuity both probably would’ve done more than a little maiming, if not outright killing.

The result is that I see all three of them as burdened with some degree of PTSD, which would occasionally take the form of moods or nightmares. An example of the former, for Yoruichi:

Ichigo quickly finished shredding the pieces of chocolate he'd picked out and sprinkled them over the bowl of ice cream, peeking through the kitchen's breakfast bar into the living room.

Yoruichi's hair poked up above the back of the couch, unmoving.

He grabbed a spoon and slid it into the bowl, got a paper towel, and made his way out into the living room, going around to the other end of the couch so as not to walk in front of her.

Drawing nearer, he sat down next to her, scarcely hazarding a glance her way. He didn't have to, really.

Sometimes she would cry, but he had never seen it. She wouldn't ever let him see. Not even Rukia had ever seen it happen either. But he'd heard it, and listening to it was like standing in a rain made of nails. He hated it. Seeing her willingly vulnerable was one thing, but when she was compromised... Ah, there were times he wanted to burn the world down, go out and fight whoever had wronged her, hit them until blood trickled from their mouths like water from a faucet.

Mostly though, when she was in a mood, she'd be sullen. Sometimes with a side order of aggressive irritability if she was provoked. He could tell with a glance that that was how things were at the moment.

Yoruichi was curled up in a corner of the couch, sitting in a fetal position, her arms crossed atop her legs, frowning disinterestedly at the TV.

Ichigo kept his eyes on it. They'd bought a ridiculously large plasma screen after much deliberation, and it was currently playing an episode of Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet. The audio was barely perceptible.

He set the bowl of ice cream on his lap and took a bite, savoring it. It was chocolate chunk ice cream with chocolate syrup and more bits of milk chocolate on top. There was nothing subtle about the emphasis on boosting endorphins. After swallowing the bite, he took up another spoonful, holding it in front of her.

Yoruichi didn't react.

Ichigo kept waiting for a few seconds, then brought it back and ate it himself.

He kept on alternating for four more runs before he felt a tug on the spoon; she'd clamped her mouth over it.

After that they began to switch every bite until the bowl was empty.

Once Ichigo had finally set it on the coffee table, Yoruichi flopped over to one side, resting her head on his lap.

He started to gently rake his fingers through her hair, just carefully combing it out. They had all the time in the world.

I think they would have additional hang-ups that would occasionally beset them. Ichigo might sometimes feel that he didn’t deserve the attention of either Rukia or Yoruichi, let alone both. Rukia could sometimes feel that she was kind of superfluous or a burden upon Ichigo and Yoruichi. And Yoruichi could sometimes feel like she was just getting in the way of Ichigo and Rukia and didn’t deserve such companionship. (This is before getting into uncertainties they might have early on in their relationship together as a triad, which need not necessarily be a smooth process.)

I don’t have strongly developed ideas for hurt and comfort, but the BattleTech, Samurai, and Western Continuities all provide plenty of actual danger on a regular basis that could set up opportunities for it. We all know the lengths Ichigo would go to for Rukia, and vice versa, but I don’t think it’s very hard to imagine what Yoruichi would be capable of if either of them were threatened or injured.

I think that all these things give them an added dimension of complexity, as they’re not just perfectly content and happy forever, but it also gives them opportunities to lift one another up.

ASSORTED SCENARIOS

Within Grounded!, I have a line I like that may or may not wind up fitting in when (if) Rangiku goes to confront Yoruichi on what’s happening during the snowstorm, so I thought I’d include it here:

Rangiku: Kuchiki Rukia could decapitate a man with a meal tray’s plastic knife, and I just watched her giggle and pirouette up and down the shopping mall. What did you do, Yoruichi?

In the post-Grounded! era of the Modern Continuity, the vacation which Rukia and Ichigo invite Yoruichi on, which she assents to, is to the South Pacific, perhaps Tahiti. I can imagine the sand is hot and Ichigo has to carry Rukia and Yoruichi out onto the beach under each arm, like how he held Rukia at the Soukyoku in Bleach; Yoruichi acts indignant at being carried and deliberately makes it difficult by pouting like a kitty. (Maybe on a different day he takes Rukia in a bridal carry while Yoruichi rides piggyback, or vice-versa.) The three of them would have fun putting sun tan lotion or sun screen on each other. Yoruichi might casually strip off her swimsuit, making the other two blush only for her to chide them with, “What? We're the only people here, live a little.” They have a midday nap together on their bleach blanket under a big parasol. Yoruichi teases Ichigo and Rukia by poking them with cold ice pops, saying something like, “Ah, you're all sticky now, somebody will have to clean you off!” only for them to start returning the favor. Clouds roll in in the afternoon and they beat a hasty retreat through the brush to their rented bungalow, laughing in the warm rain that comes down before they make it. They wash off together and the power goes out, so they assemble in a sort of cabana area and listen to the steady rain and surf and thunder together, bundled up with one another. Things like that.

I think that Yoruichi’s lifestyle in the Modern Continuity is relatively austere given her history and background, but still very comfortable. Once Ichigo and Rukia decide they want to move in with her (which would probably happen sometime relatively soon after their post-Grounded! vacation together) Yoruichi would probably set about trying to get them a house, which would be quite nice but not palatial or opulent. 

I think her one eccentric and rich hobby, given her background as a naval aviator, would be having bought and maintained a surplus F-14 Tomcat (probably the unproduced-in-our-reality F-14 Super Tomcat 21) like she flew in the Navy. She’d keep it at a local airport, probably have a mechanic to help her maintain it (could be something Tessai does in his spare time?) and take it up now and then to have fun. I imagine it’d be heavily customized and have a lightning paint job. Anyway, I can imagine her getting really excited to show it off to Ichigo and Rukia and to take them up in it for the first time. (She would probably get a special safety harness and air supply splitter made so Rukia could safely sit on Ichigo’s lap in the rear RIO seat, rather than make them ride separately.) Anyway, I imagine that Yoruichi’s aviator call sign would have been either Flash or Flash Goddess (probably originally earned for her nonchalant and risqué behavior rather than her piloting ability), and she’d have a customized flight helmet. For their first visit, I imagine she’d have gotten them helmets made and would give them their own call signs. A short list I came up with, with @rukia-kuchiki-divided​​, were Glacier, Aurora, Ice Queen, Snow White, or Blizzard for Rukia (although the 3rd is normally an insult, I think it’d be taken as kind of endearing here, like how in “canon” Ichigo at one point thinks of Rukia as “bitch” and Rukia openly calls Ichigo a “brat”), and Anarchy, Mayhem, Skyscraper, Havoc, or Riot for Ichigo (with the 3rd being a reference to both “canon” Getsuga Tenshō and a dig at his height relative to them), with their own custom designs. (There could be a whole fic of Yoruichi just writing out different names and talking to herself about them; I imagine her laughing at Snowpiercer for Ichigo and Snowjob for Rukia.)

(These would probably also be used as their call signs in the BattleTech Continuity.)

I watched Top Gun a lot as a kid and the karaoke scene of The Righteous Brothers’ “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’” has always been in my head as a result, and I can picture Yoruichi hooking Rukia up with a spare Navy uniform and insignia so they could surprise Ichigo at a local bar by replicating it. (Which of them takes whose role is up for debate; I headcanon Rukia as being fantastic at singing and Yoruichi as pretty good, but the idea of Rukia in aviators tickles me more. They could mix it up and both wear sunglasses and treat it as a genuine duet.) Ichigo would be mortified (but enchanted), especially if other people recognized what was happening and joined in on the song.

I like the idea that, although Yoruichi and Rukia start out with their “canonical” haircuts (long and either of Rukia’s shoulder-length haircuts, respectively) that they might eventually decide to synchronize their styles; Yoruichi might cut hers short again (like in Turn Back the Pendulum) to match Rukia’s, or Rukia might grow hers out to match Yoruichi’s, or back and forth. I get these images of Ichigo and Rukia helping Yoruichi with her hair and maybe playfully braiding it too. I feel like Rukia would be sorta fascinated by Yoruichi's hair, just its length and the feel of it. The weight and texture of it would be different from her own (I imagine it’s a little thicker than Rukia’s) and she likes the feel of it spilled over her. This could also be an interesting reason for Rukia to later grow her own out. (Ichigo likes the hair of both and is often touching it or putting his face into it, especially since they’re shorter than him. The scent of it is one of the ways he thinks of home.)

I have this scene in mind of them going out fishing, which is something I feel Yoruichi would’ve picked up at some point before meeting them. I picture all of them out on a dock or in a rowboat real early in the morning, wearing personal flotation devices; the sun's not even come up fully yet, and there’s mist over this pond or little lake they’re on. Rukia is just conked out asleep between the other two, her head on one of their laps and feet and legs on the other’s. Yoruichi looks perfectly content and is just beaming. Ichigo is tired-looking and clearly wondering why he’s there, but he still is because Yoruichi thought it was important they had the experience and, as he thinks about it, it isn’t really so bad. Eventually he smiles despite himself.  

Sometimes I think Yoruichi would be resistant to Ichigo being sappy; their personalities are sort of similar in that they put on a tough exterior, but I think they would break each other down in interesting ways:

Yoruichi crossed her arms and looked aside dubiously. “Oi! I know I’m not her, and you miss her, but you don't have to be so sullen all the—” She stopped as his palms came to rest against her cheeks. Her gaze snapped toward him right as his fingers came to rest against and behind her ears.

Ichigo gently cradled her face and leaned in, studying her.

Her focal point swung from one of his eyes to the other as she searched. His look smoldered but what she saw was cryptic and it gave her pause. She wasn’t worried—she was never worried with him—but something about it made the difference in their sizes abundantly clear, made it obvious just how large and strong his hands were.

A beat passed before he irritably whispered, “I love you too.” He never felt that it needed to be said, but apparently he was wrong.

Yoruichi blinked.

Ichigo moved in closer and dropped his eyelids fractionally. “I’m in love with you too,” he added, with a quieter and almost-not-vexed delivery.

Her lips parted slightly before her eyes swung to one side again and she scoffed. She tried to follow suit with her whole head but found herself gently restrained. A furtive glance back at him had her eyes going wide as he kissed her. She resisted for a moment before leaning into it, reaching up to grasp his shirt with both hands.

He brought a hand around and slid his fingers into her hair, moving the other down to rest on one of her shoulders.

Yoruichi pushed closer and turned her head more to one side, taking in handfuls of his shirt.

I had this idea of the three of them going somewhere cold (Alaska? Hokkaido? Russia? Swiss Alps? Canada?) and having to wait around in a space that’s not really heated. Yoruichi’s wearing a round ushanka, while Rukia has on a flappy-eared one that’s just a touch too big. Ichigo takes off his coat and drapes it over both of them, who huddle up under it (as it’s big enough to fit them both), and:

Rukia: Idiot, you’ll catch a cold. Yoruichi: We're not babying you if you get sick. Ichigo: Shut up!

Maybe later they wind up in front of a fireplace together, curled into one another. Rukia has long since started calling Yoruichi “fool” as well, it being one of her signs of affection and care. They continue their gentle backbiting:

Yoruichi: Brings back memories, huh? Rukia: Fool. Ichigo: You know she has a thing for us tying her up, she just wants us to do it again. Yoruichi: I do not!

The three of them regularly alternate who is being spooned and who faces who. Yoruichi and Rukia take turns in the middle and change up who they face; Ichigo is usually only in the middle when he’s on his back and they can cuddle into his sides. Both Yoruichi and Rukia steal some of Ichigo’s t-shirts and boxers to use as pajamas and start to share them interchangeably. Whenever one of them has to go off for a couple of days, somehow one of his shirts is always mysteriously packed into their bags, and Ichigo never says anything about it. (They get him back by sometimes smuggling pairs of their underwear into his luggage with cheeky little notes.)

Ichigo is a t-shirt and boxers kind of guy when it comes to lounging or sleeping clothes, although he’ll swap out for long-sleeves and plaid lounging pants when it’s cold enough. Rukia has several sets of cute pajamas that she uses, in addition to items stolen from Ichigo. Yoruichi is highly variable, and sometimes can be found in odd combinations like a turtleneck, her panties, and long fluffy socks. In the winter she's prone to sprawling out in beams of sunlight filtering in through the windows and disrobing to catch the same; in the summer she might be found laying around in just her panties or Ichigo's boxers, fanning herself and complaining about the heat until they turn on the AC (both are very distracting).

Their soaking tub is spacious but isn't really properly big enough to hold all of them, so sometimes they share lap space, and both Rukia and Yoruichi are always glaring at Ichigo and warning him about funny business (as if they don't sometimes do things in the tub).

Rukia: There’s a time and a place, Ichigo. Ichigo: Watch those hands, Yoruichi. Yoruichi: Maybe watch where you've got your feet, Rukia.

In the Samurai Continuity, I can imagine them running out of food to eat like Mugen, Jin, and Fuu do, and Yoruichi's like, "Ichigo, you're the biggest, you have to eat more," and he's all, "No, shut up, I'm fine, there's enough here for you two." Yoruichi falls silent. Rukia continues protesting instead, only for Yoruichi to touch her arm to get her to stop because she knows what he's doing. Ichigo can take it better than they can precisely because he is bigger, and he’s always going to try and protect them first.

A little scene about comforting and snuggling together:

Ichigo cinched his arms a little tighter around Yoruichi's waist. There was a long silence. “Are you cold?”

She shook her head faintly against his chest. “No.” He was putting out enough warmth for two.

He shifted and brought his face down into her hair and inhaled. The orange and saffron scent underlying the spice and musk of her aroma made it smell bright and sunny despite its indigo hue. It was different but... right. “You smell good,” he eventually whispered.

A small chuckle escaped her. “You're such a sap, but you're not so bad yourself.”

“I mean it.”

A pause passed. “I know.”

“Yoruichi—”

“You're tired, get some rest.”

He gently squeezed her sides. “Hey.”

He used his grasp to draw her up while shifting down so they were face to face on the pillow they were sharing.

She studied him curiously.

Ichigo did the same before looking aside. “You shouldn’t need any more convincing that I’m a man, not a boy, so don’t treat me like one.”

Yoruichi blinked before smirking slightly. “Is that right?”

He locked eyes with her again. “I’m glad you're here.”

There was a pause before she looked down.

He started to rub her back and neck to assure her through touch. “And not because Rukia isn't.”

She just quietly pressed in a bit closer.

I feel like Yoruichi would have the least personal sense of “ownership” of the relationship, since she would have lingering doubts about her place in it, and Rukia would have the most. Ichigo thinks of them as “his girls,” but Rukia... Rukia views herself as theirs after a time, and accordingly, they’re hers. Not in some transactional or proprietary way, but just... it’s like her with that soul ribbon in the first ED of Bleach: it just is. And i think that’s where her knowing what to say often comes in, because she does have that perspective. She can ferret out when, say, Yoruichi is feeling like maybe she doesn't belong to them as much as they belong to each other, and Rukia is the one who brings her back, who reminds her that they are three—that two was nice, but three is best.

You might imagine her curling into Yoruichi and quietly stating, “I love you,” and Yoruichi's just kind of at a loss for words, so Rukia repeats herself and waits for Yoruichi to say it back. Yoruichi would feel... maybe a little overwhelmed at the quiet declaration, because it would never be a big or loud thing with Rukia, just firm and quiet and brooking no argument. And this is also why, for as much as Yoruichi and Ichigo wind up curled around Rukia, sometimes Rukia conspires with him to just snuggle Yoruichi between them:

“She's got better ‘pillows’ anyway,” Rukia stated.

Ichigo blinked and flushed, looking away. “There's nothing wrong with yours.”

She glanced to him dubiously but still cracked a thin smirk.

Yoruichi is often physical in showing her concern;  sometimes she plays it up and hugs Rukia’s head to her chest, and other times it's just very natural. Ichigo she can only really tease properly when he's sitting in some fashion; neither ever really objects much, no matter how ridiculous they think she's being.

They all drink coffee and tea alike. Yoruichi likes her coffee with sugar and cream, and her favorite tea is a heavily spiced chai. Ichigo likes his coffee black, and his favorite tea is Earl Grey. Rukia likes fancy dessert coffees (like Starbucks Frappuccinos) and likes white and green teas. Yoruichi is the one who actually makes coffee, while Rukia tends to make the tea.

Yoruichi is probably the only one who is really even remotely a morning person, although by habit rather than by choice. Making coffee is like her early morning ritual and meditation to start the day, and including their favorites into that routine just gives her more time to wake up naturally. On work days she likes to let them sleep in—she slides out of bed, careful not to jostle them, but sometimes Ichigo will wake up anyway and reach out for her before settling back when she pats at his hand. It also gives her a chance to have a bit of quiet in the morning and think about things. The sounds and smells of breakfast are often what wake Ichigo and Rukia.

They make an effort to bathe together whenever possible; although they wake up with breakfast, the shower and bath is when they really start their days. It’s a bonding thing for them. (They probably shower both morning and night, but bathe whenever they have the time.)

I sorta like the idea that Yoruichi is a loud and kind of angry gamer, which Ichigo and Rukia regard as kind of an endearing quirk given how put together she is most of the rest of the time. I can see her being really mean on mic to annoying pre-teens. “Yes, I’m a girl, you prepubescent brat! What’s your excuse for sounding like one other than that your balls haven’t dropped yet?!” Ichigo and Rukia just kinda look at each other when she really starts popping off; Ichigo goes over to start to massage her and she sinks into the couch, grumbling and focusing up on whatever she’s doing.

Ichigo is kinda ticklish, Rukia is not all that ticklish, and Yoruichi is very ticklish and she absolutely hates it.

SEXUALITY & PHYSICALITY

My personal read of these characters, which I invoke in these scenarios, is that Yoruichi is pansexual, and Ichigo and Rukia are both something approximating demisexual, with at least Rukia (and possibly Ichigo) being bisexual. (I think in “canon” a strong case could be made for them both being closer to but not necessarily purely at asexual, while Yoruichi could be read numerous ways, but that is neither here nor there.) These are, of course, only my interpretations. 

At any rate, Yoruichi is usually experienced (somewhere between fairly and quite so depending on the scenario; I imagine she and Kuukaku could have fooled around when they were younger, and that in more recent times she has had Kisuke as a lover, but that the two of them are an off-again, on-again thing) and views sex as a fun, normal, and healthy way of physical and/or emotional bonding; Ichigo is uniformly a virgin but is old enough to not be a stammering fool about it; and Rukia is either a virgin or may have had a sexual relationship previously (if so, with Renji) but is not very in tune with her sexuality or sexual desires to begin with.

It might initially seem like Yoruichi trains both Ichigo and Rukia, being the one who moves first physically and the one who’s got more experience, but I don’t think she herself or either of them think of it that way. Yoruichi would always be more interested in coaxing the other two, in helping them to figure out what they like and want, and encouraging them to explore it. That would quickly get turned back around on her as they grew more confident, as they would start to return the favor to her. Personally, I think that Ichigo is often physically dominant, but loves to serve and please. Rukia and Yoruichi can both be dominant themselves (with him or with each other) but also like being submissive; Rukia enjoys the comfort and safety of the headspace it puts her in, while for Yoruichi it heightens her pleasure more than she could imagine. I think this would be a surprise to Yoruichi, and eventually she’d come to realize that she had always still been keeping up walls in her past relationships to try and maintain some control. Ichigo and Rukia would be the first to really break through those, which would give her all kinds of feels and open her up more to trying things she had only rarely explored with partners before. (As examples, I think Yoruichi would have a thing for light bondage and anal sex, but only have tried them with other people a scant handful of times.) Their process of discovery would not at all be a one-sided thing, and I think they’d be very sexually active (probably having orgasms only every other day at the longest stretch).

If I had to pick words to describe what sex is like for each of the pairs, for Ichigo and Rukia it’d be cosmic (powerful and beautiful, breathtaking) for Yoruichi and Rukia it’d be oceanic (constant motion and energy, unifying) and for Ichigo and Yoruichi it’d be tectonic (earth-shattering and resonant, awesome). Just like with the rest of their behaviors, when they were all together, it would vary and oscillate among the three. However, sex between them wouldn’t necessarily always be a big production or need to go both ways either. I think they wouldn’t think much of pulling clothes down (or dipping their hands into them) and using their digits and mouths on each other, depending on the mood. I think they’d all just be very invested in making one another feel good, and that could be quick and servicing or slow and mutual as the case might be.

The three would always wind up appreciative of one another in states of undress, although Rukia and Yoruichi would be more circumspect and covert about it. Ichigo doesn’t hide his admiration, sometimes earning him rebukes, but those incidents really only tee him up to say something sappy and adoring, which usually result in the other two getting annoyed at how gooey it makes them feel. Sometimes they reward him by showing off, Rukia usually emphasizing her ass, and Yoruichi her chest. Yoruichi might turn quick so she swayed and bounced, put her hands on her hips and lean forward, say something like, “If you want to have a look you can always just ask, you know. I don't mind,” then lift her arms up and stretch. Rukia might lean forward or bend over to show off more, use a hand to pull a cheek aside and waggle her eyebrows, say something like, “If you see something you like, you should give a compliment.”

Something that would melt Ichigo and Yoruichi's hearts would be having Rukia between the two of them, arched and trembling, weakly clutching at them and moaning out, "Yoru... Ichi... go..." Hearing their names co-mingled like that, they'd be filled with thoughts of how they've got to protect her, they've got to deliver her, they've got to give her everything and be one with her. And afterward Ichigo would pull Yoruichi tight to gently squish Rukia between them, Yoruichi not much less spacey than Rukia would be. Rukia might be gathered between them, face buried in Ichigo's neck and Yoruichi pressed up against her back, the pair of them grounding her to the earth.

Yoruichi and Rukia sometimes pair off together while Ichigo is left in the dust recovering from his refractory period, and they make him watch. He'd always be astonished at seeing them together, how they can keep on and on, and always be kind of struck by, Why... do they need me...? and I don't think he'd ever fully get over it, but it would inspire him to always try and be worthy of them, and sometimes give them cause to reassure him.

“Fool. You think we'd just... always be doing this without you?” Rukia asked.

He turned and stayed silent. Why not?

Yoruichi maneuvered around so he she was in front of him, cupping his jaw. “We need you too.”

Ichigo's eyes widened as they met hers.

Rukia pressed against him from behind. “Who else is going to make us feel safe, idiot?”

Yoruichi tapped a finger above his heart. “And it's not like you're bad...” she purred.

“Not bad at all,” Rukia added quietly.

"There's some things toys just can't do,” Yoruichi mused, looking deep into him.

Ichigo's face heated. “Well. I...”

Rukia grinned, pressing against him. “Fingers and tongues and toys are good and all, but...”

"Nothing like a man who knows how to use what he's got,” Yoruichi finished, and she and Rukia shared a meaningful look.

Ichigo cleared his throat.

“A toy doesn't feel warm like sunlight.”

“It doesn't tangle fingers in your hair and smoothly pull your head back.”

“It doesn't clutch at your hips.”

“It doesn't tremble between your thighs.”

“It doesn't curl up with you after and tell you it loves you.”

And he quietly thought, But, you can do that to each other... And yet, even so, his cheeks went red and he just kind of sank between them as they petted and stroked at him and whispered sweet nothings that eventually became soft kisses here and there.

When they’re separated due to travel, I think they would remember each other in different ways. Much of it would be domestic and fluffy, but when their thoughts turned to intimacy, the focus would be a little different for each of them. I think that Ichigo would remember sights and feelings: Yoruichi on her back and Rukia atop her, their legs interlocked so as to spread each other and both of them looking back over their shoulders at him expectantly and hungrily, and how that made his chest clench around his heart. Yoruichi would recall images and physical sensations: Ichigo and Rukia moving together, Rukia spread under her, the feeling of Ichigo’s hands tangled in her hair, the tastes and smells of them. Rukia would focus on emotional memories, of what it felt like in the afterglow and during aftercare: Yoruichi and Ichigo curling around her and the way she felt safe and warm in their arms, the way it felt like they built a boundary between her and the world. (Rukia would still sometimes think of particular things though; things like images of Yoruichi between her thighs, while Ichigo held her from behind—his voice in her ear, a low rumble of all the things he was going to do to her when Yoruichi was finished...)

I think, when they were paired off with Ichigo due to the absence of the other, Yoruichi and Rukia would be intrigued with how he treated the other. I imagine they'd watch each other often when they were all together; sometimes it might be all three of them at once, but other times they'd take turns. Rukia might be fascinated by the contrast in Ichigo and Yoruichi's skin and the difference in the way they moved, the power of them. Yoruichi might be bewitched by the tenderness Ichigo showed Rukia, the softness of them even when they were rough together. So you might have, with Ichigo and Rukia:

Rukia ended the kiss and dipped her head, bringing the fringe of her hair to rest against Ichigo’s chin. She gently squeezed his shoulders and pressed closer.

His fingers dug into the sides of her waist appreciatively.

She let out a small sound and pressed her face down against his neck, getting secure against him. Being so close seemed to distort things, as if she was in a deep gravity well. She closed her eyes. “Ichigo...?”

“Hmm?”

She spiraled her pointer fingers against his collarbones with a touch of uncertainty. “Um...”

He began to massage her sides in reassurance. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing’s... wrong, I just—” She broke off and pulled her head back, looking up at him.

Ichigo met her gaze.

Rukia looked between his eyes, wondering at how soft they were—always so soft for her. She looked down again. “I want you to treat me like you do Yoruichi,” she whispered.

He blinked.

“I’m... not made of glass, Ichigo,” she murmured. She loved how tender he was with her, but... He was always powerful with Yoruichi, even when he was slow with her, and the two of them always looked... so damn sexy! The more she’d seen of it, the more she wanted it for herself. She wanted to feel that power, that strength, that energy.

Ichigo soon reached a hand up to brush her hair. “No, you’re not.”

Something about his tone made Rukia bite her lip, and she pressed her head toward his hand, appreciating the contact for a short time. She then released his shoulders and carefully turned around, getting her legs astride his and pushing back firmly against him before slowly starting to roll her rear suggestively against his hips.

He gripped her sides firmly. “Rukia...”

She turned her head fractionally to look at him out of the corner of her eyes, asking with them. She needed to know what it was like.

And with Ichigo and Yoruichi:

Yoruichi softly bit Ichigo’s tongue to signal an end to the kiss, wrenching her lips away from his and sliding her head forward so they were cheek to cheek.

He turned his head toward her neck to follow on as he pushing her up against the fridge more firmly, squeezing handfuls of her ass.

She let out a needy moan and pressed her cheek to his, drawing her arms tighter around his neck and tangling her fingers in his hair. “Ichigo.”

“What?” he whispered, his impatience hanging from every letter of the word.

“Wait.” It was a soft instruction, but an instruction nonetheless.

Ichigo paused and blinked, very deliberately focusing on her. She’d never been one for delays. A little silence rolled out between them before his eyelids slid halfway shut again. “What's wrong?”

“Don't assume something is wrong,” Yoruichi chided mildly, slowly arching a little to push her rear into his hands. She waited a few breaths, beginning to brush through his hair. “I want to try something different,” she eventually conceded.

He started to rub his cheek against hers as a memory returned to him of something very much like this. “Different? How...?”

Yoruichi lowered her head a little. “Treat me like Rukia?” He was so caring and patient with Rukia—always making love to her in the most passionate yet considerate way. She loved what she had with him—it was always fun and satisfying—but she’d seen them so many times and she increasingly found herself wondering...

Ichigo looked askew at the side of her head for long seconds before lowering his face, snuggling her against the refrigerator door. “You know... Last time, she asked me to treat her like you.”

She blinked in surprise.

A little smile curved his lips and he gave her neck a soft kiss, musing on the irony. “Did you two plan this?”

“No!” she denied in a sharp whisper, only for her eyes to widen as he squeezed her ass again, very differently. The motion was smooth, celebratory, and made her shiver—something about it made her soul ache with recognition.

“Okay,” Ichigo promised, standing up and pulling her away from the appliance. He held onto her securely as he bore her to the bedroom.

Yoruichi faintly bit her lower lip at the sudden change in his attitude but clung to him, offering no resistance or further comment.

All three of them quite like one another’s scents and flavors (although Ichigo and Yoruichi regard Rukia as primus inter pares and think she’s the best) and they’re not shy about it. You can imagine Yoruichi mocking the old Tootsie-Rolls commercial line while she and Rukia are holding Ichigo, whose cock is covered in magic shell topping: “How many licks does it take to get to the creamy center...?”

CONCLUSION

There is even more (as there are a dozen or so little in-progress fics and ficlets scattered around, mostly for Modern Continuity) but that’s the end of all the notes I have on hand for now. If you made it this far, thank you, and I hope you found this charming or persuasive, or at least entertaining! If you did, please leave me your thoughts! 

[thattimdrakeguy]

Hiya again, I'm the same person who asked you what qualities you like abt Tim Drake, what do you not like about him? Either from comics now or back then.

Sorry for having not answered this when you gave it to me a few days ago, I also have two other asks I need to answer. My energy has just dropped massively today for some reason, and I didn’t have a confident will to look at Tumblr often besides for dashboard and talking to a friend.

But it’s sort of a difficult question to say what I don’t like about Tim, at least in context to the whole 90s Tim I like and primarily based my blog around. Because when I liked him I accepted him for all his flaws really. He can be passive aggressive towards people he doesn’t like, and a touch condescending, but that’s normally when talking to people like Stephanie who have essentially no idea what they’re doing and bug him.

Like he’s a big social idiot which can cause problems, but I kind of like that about him. He’s sheltered a ton, so it makes sense for him to be socially oblivious and naive, it just adds to his character. Like when I see him be insensitive, I’m not so  much bothered that he was, because I can understand it from a character perspective, but it can get on my nerves I can easily see some petty loser fandom person use it to act like he’s a pure jerk or something.

Though using that perspective, it’s still not a lot about Tim.

Anything I’ve had problems with when it came to Tim is just writing problems, not really his character as established.

Like how poorly he got written after the Dixon era, and I do not like Dixon as a person, he sounds like a ripe stubborn right-winger, and a total ass because of that. But he’s also been the most consistent writer for Tim ever, with his main flaws in writing being shoving his freaking O.C. in places she didn’t belong, and never properly letting Tim and Jack advance their dynamic past punishments and Jack being a terrible dad.

After that it just went terrible wrong, like the first time I read the Jon Lewis run, I didn’t really think much of it, but that’s because I was primarily skimming the series more than reading it, and the artist being the same was enough for me not to think of anything. But Jon Lewis made Tim such a pretentious, judgmental jerk, and so self-absorbed in himself like he thought he was higher up. And he made him so unlikable. Tim could be pretty dang judgmental, and be too stuck on his perspective, but that’s more of a social problem more than Tim being something I’d call an actual jerk. When Tim used to be judgmental, it typically came from the right place, normally in the name of morals. But in the Jon Lewis run he’s just a total dick.

And then Bill Willingham, tried to make Tim more standard “cool”, hanging out more with jocks a few times, when Tim is established as preferring the nerd crowd, because despite being quite fit, that’s who he fit in with. And an assistant editor at the time actually described Tim as being someone who is generally meek.

So as ya can tell, they lost the point of who Tim is, and random changes don’t qualify as character development it’s just bad writing. A person doesn’t become a whole other person randomly. That’s bad writing.

The first writer of the OYL era of Robin was pretty good, but I can’t remember his name. Took him back to what made him work before, but in the knew Tim Wayne era.

After that it was a freaking mess, even Dixon couldn’t write Tim right anymore when he came back. Every writer just made him typical angsty teen with a touch of edge. Which makes sense given the context of the OYL era Tim, but then also why doesn’t he have any noticeable traits that are strong and represent himself?

Red Robin sucked. I don’t even begin to like it anymore. The whole “Damian is now Robin” scene was just freaking dreadful from every character perspective, and that was supposed to be the launching pad for a series, that main goal was to write Tim really differently. Chris Yost did okay, like even though Tim was still clearly very different, there was enough of Tim that seemed like he probably wrote him before. But FabNic was just genuinely awful, besides some narration, I can’t see Tim in his writing. He’s just been replaced as far as I feel reading it.

And that’s not even counting Geoff Johns’ Teen Titans run, where his bio describes the general opposite of what he is. I assume also in the name of making him cooler and edgier, but changes like that-- don’t equal good Tim or even basic good character writing.

Or the New 52, which is notoriously bad.

So Tim’s worst quality in a meta sense, is just being shackled to constant bad writers that I feel like never cared about him that much to begin with but was given the job. So most of them just turned out awful on him.

Original Tim I accept for all his personality flaws, because enough work with his character.

Current Tim as he’s written in most issues of the current Y.J. is just a bare bones leader character, who’s treated as being a packaged deal with a toxic girlfriend that doesn’t even make sense in a story context for them to be together or that in-love. They changed how he looks, what he wears, what his alias is. It’s not really Tim.

And the Detective Comics Rebirth era of Tim was a show off-y genius, that was extraordinarily handsome and talented, as well as being on the path to being an actual fascist because he has control issues. But supposedly Tynion, the writer of it, was just writing Geoff Johns’ Tim. Which is not the Tim to immediately go for.

Like literally to me what I don’t like about Tim is how often artists and writers just don’t even seem to pay attention to him when they write him, and if they do it’s not exactly the right guy.

It’s honestly really saddening reading a lot of his comics because of that. I’m just happy I at least have over 100 comics of well-written Tim, that I can read from, that allowed him to be my favorite character.

[beckytailweaver]

Avatar: The Last Airbender (fic stuff)

Since I’m trying to work on something (ANYTHING!) and I seem to be in an Avatar mood of late, I’ll throw this up here.

These are fics, potential fics, and mostly-concrete ideas that have existed in the back of my closet for a very long time, since the good old days of watching ATLA when it was shiny and new and cool. Most of them are also so old that LOK didn’t exist yet or was in its infancy.

Note: These are mostly gen fic. If pairings come up they are not the central goal of the piece; they will be mainly canon as it existed at the time the fic was outlined. Treat them like the scenery (no ship war drama allowed in my workroom, that’s what stopped me participating in the fandom years ago).

I’d kinda like to put some feelers out and see what folks think would be most interesting to work on.

Read on:

The End of the Circle Post-canon continuation, my oldest ATLA fic, conceived and outlined before comics or LOK existed. Does some headcanon worldbuilding based on what was available at the time of the original series. Dragons and spirits and legends coming to life, oh my!

Status: outlined, some scenes written, firm endpoint, world built.

Summary: Roku warned Aang that he could not die in the Avatar State, or the cycle would end. Azula’s lightning killed Aang in the Avatar State. To their good fortune, Katara’s spirit water was able to bring Aang back to life, but there are Consequences—for the Avatar and for the world.

Wild Fire Canon AU/semi-rewrite. Also born before LOK was a thing so Druk doesn’t exist. It borrows some concepts from the idea of Toph and her badgermole family. It breaks some TLA canon around the edges but it’s all in good fun.

Status: outlined, many scenes, ending fully plotted.

Summary: The young Fire Prince was burned and disowned by the Fire Lord, cast away and abandoned on the hostile shores of the Earth Kingdom before his kindly uncle could aid him. Disfigured, angry, and lost, young Zuko finds solace in the wilderness when he is taken in by a most unusual protector: A dragon.

Phoenix Legacy Not-a-time-travel “time travel” fic. It was born after seeing Season 1 of Avatar LOK and...kinda liking it but not? (I mostly lost interest in LOK after S1.) And wanting to add some more classic feel to the season. No information from subsequent seasons was used to outline it (thus there is no Druk) but recently I have gone back and “fixed” Zuko’s daughter (giving her the correct name and appearance), and added her nameless daughter (Iroh II’s sister) for lulz. Basically a rewrite of LOK Season 1 with a TLA character along for the ride to shake everything up, because at the time I was disappointed that there was only Katara and no other Gaang members out there kicking the new Avatar into shape.

Status: outlined, a few scenes written, ending plotted; not to be a rehash.

Summary: A phoenix cannot die by fire—it can only be reborn. When Ozai claimed the title of Phoenix King, he had no idea what sort of spirit he might be invoking. When he lost his ancestor’s war and his crown, the spirit’s blessings were unknowingly conferred upon his heir: The hapless Fire Lord Zuko, determined to bring his nation to peace. Seventy years later, there’s a tragic explosion in a tea shop in Republic City, and exiled traitor Fire Prince Zuko wakes up to an unfamiliar world full of unfamiliar faces. The last thing he remembers is an Agni Kai under a Comet, catching lightning to protect a friend.

The Prince’s Prisoner Another ficling born before the comics or LOK were really a big deal and/or I didn’t know about them. Basically during TLA S1, rather than fleeing Prince Zuko’s clutches, Aang decides to remain his prisoner. The original reasoning for this was a kind of modified Peggy Sue: Aang effed up his final battle with Ozai for reasons, his soul is sorta sent back in time to do-over from his iceberg wakeup. The problem is that this is not a perfect process and he doesn’t actually remember everything, only some very important faces, feelings, and concepts. The idea of Zuko as a dear friend/teacher/trusted person is one of these things. Thus, in defiance of all visible logic, Aang trusts S1!Zuko with his life and keeps his promise to go with him. In spite of his Water Tribe friends continuously trying to rescue him, Zhao continuously trying to capture him, and Zuko himself continuously trying to avoid being befriended by his ticket home. (”I’m your prisoner, not anyone else’s.”)  Intended to be a funny and heartwarming friendship/journey story taking a different angle at the series.

Status: tentatively outlined with very few scenes skeleton’d out, season 1 definite, endpoint undecided but can continue throughout the series. The premise mechanic is a bit flimsy; it’s less concrete since it’s supposed to be fluff, angst, and friendship.

dragon!Zuko AU fic Everybody has to write one of these, it’s like a law. Here’s mine: Ozai’s cruelty during the Agni Kai with his young son invoked the wrath of Agni, bringing down a magic from a time before memory and no one knows if it’s a blessing or a curse. When Zuko’s face burned, the fire didn’t stop there, and when the flames went out a young dragon was left on the floor of the arena. Uncle Iroh came to his rescue before the rest of Court could gather their wits, and then had to get him on a boat and out of the Fire Nation before Ozai could decide whether to make him into a pet or a trophy. Part 1: Rather than going on a mission to hunt the Avatar, Zuko and Iroh are on a road trip to keep Zuko alive and secret from the world (Ozai wants to usurp his brother’s title of Dragon). Iroh and his crew end up raising this stubborn angsty dragon prince; since he can’t turn back into a human he has to come to terms with being a dragon most of the time (which can’t talk), and he can often be Very Dramatic about it. Part 2: Years later, there’s rumors of the Avatar’s return and Zuko (who has sort of learned to take a human shape again) sees an opportunity to spare his own life and go home by offering his father a bigger prize than a dragon’s head...

Status: very general outline, some scenes conceived and a general plot/endpoint. Part 1 is in the 3 years pre-canon, Part 2 is during canon, including the grumpy dragon hiding out in Ba Sing Se.

Years Gone/Avatar kids AU S1/pre-canon rewrite. Some whim of fate cracks open Aang’s iceberg three years early (a storm, a passing boat, pure chance?) and he tumbles out into the world in the same year that Prince Zuko was banished. Despite befriending some Water Tribe children who would love to go adventuring with him, he’s got to get home to the Southern Air Temple and that’s where he runs into young, angry, raw-wounded Prince Zuko on his first visit. The tiny chase ensues up and down the entire temple. Aang will of course be friendly but escape. And this begins a probably-ill-advised adventure with a lot of kids who are entirely too young to be camping across the world on a bison (but it’s exciting!), chased by another kid entirely too young to be leading a manhunt. The Comet is three years away so there’s plenty of time for adults to tear their hair out over this. Zuko is a tiny ball of determination, rage, and tears. Aang feels bad for him and tries to make with the befriending even as he’s dodging the fire tantrums. Occasionally during adventures Zuko just gets scooped along for the ride in Appa’s saddle, no one’s sure how these weird truces get called, but Iroh sips tea and directs the crew on a new heading and they’ll pick up their prince at the bison’s next stopover most likely after the kid pendulums back the other way and remembers he’s trying to nab the Avatar again. So Zuko spends 50% of the time yelling and chasing the Avatar and 50% of the time sitting in Appa’s saddle learning tentative smiles and being offered berries and seal jerky, all the way from the South Pole to the North. (It’s slightly terrifying to realize that Aang and Zuko are currently the oldest kids in the party and are actually in charge of this terribly irresponsible expedition.)

Status: general outline, a couple of scenes written, particular S1 plot points, no endpoint yet. Possible bonus content: Toph and/or Suki come along for the ride because why not.

The Blacksmith of Ba Sing Se This is a very old Lu Ten Lives! story. Lu Ten always knew Uncle Ozai envied him, but secure in his position he didn’t really care about it until he took an arrow in the back during the final battle of the Siege of Ba Sing Se. With unknown assassins among his own ranks and no safe place to retreat in the melee, the wounded prince decides to fake his own death by hiding in the rubble, and then swapping clothes with a slain Earth Kingdom soldier half crushed in the ruin. At first, it’s only to get to safety until he can get to the bottom of this. But Lu Ten is picked up by the EK medic teams after the surprising withdrawal of the Fire Nation troops, and ends up spirited away into the heart of Ba Sing Se—where he discovers that it’s hard to escape. He also discovers a whole new world, and a whole new perspective, and, keeping out of the authorities’ notice, eventually manages to make a life for himself as Chang the Blacksmith, a humble craftsman with a wife and kids. This...is much nicer than war, death, and Court politics. Years later: refugee Zuko walking home from his job at Pao Family Tea Shop runs across a little boy crying over his broken toy in the dusty street...

Status: nebulous outline with a few particular sketched scenes. Takes place mostly in Ba Sing Se, outcome indeterminate. It could be mixed with the Lineages concept from below.

Lineages / not Ozai’s kid AU Not really a concrete plot so much as a campy idea from long before the Avatar comics blundered through Ursa’s backstory. There was a phase in the fandom (I think the Search comics drew off of that) where it was popular to imagine almost anyone else than Ozai as Zuko’s Secret Real Dad (the boy deserves a better father) and Iroh was often selected as primary candidate. (I know, Iroh is already the real dad and stepped into Ozai’s cold empty shoes like a pro.) Me, deciding that I had to be different, decided to offer up Lu Ten on that altar. Justifications: Iroh and Ozai looked to have a pretty extreme age difference and there was no solid age for Lu Ten at the time of his death, but his picture looks mature enough. Deals with family secrets and the political issues of muddying the lines of inheritance in the middle of a war. Also takes a crack at Ursa having a clever hand with Azulon’s last will and testament on Ozai’s behalf, with provisos.

Status: nothing really more than a vague concept without enough plot to stand on its own. Without a viable framework, it could work better/well folded into The Blacksmith story, above.

I’m open to opinions and/or asks about these. Trying to get a spark going! (I need to be working in a fandom, ANY fandom at this point! ^_^;; )

[daily-rayless]

20 Years of Art

2000

(OC / Celes from Final Fantasy 6 / OC / OC)

The influence of Final Fantasy 6, off of the Anthology collection, and Yoshitaka Amano caused a significant shift in my art, leading my human figures to be very slender, graceful, and frequently pale. Most of it was of women, some of it was of horses, and by then I was very self-consciously starting to draw men. I mostly worked in pencils and colored pencils. Faces were oval with high hairlines and long, sharp, narrow noses. Also note my evident fear of mouth-seams and lower eyelids. I was pretty terrible at coloring, often feeling that coloring one of my sketches ruined all the nice linework.

2001

(Quistis from Final Fantasy 8 / Rosa from Final Fantasy 4? / Schala from Chrono Trigger / Dark Knight OC from Final Fantasy 4)

This is where more anime influences came in, and I consciously took on a semi-anime, semi-realistic (in my own mind) style. My ideal of beauty was overbig eyes, overlong nose, and oversmall mouth, and I stuck to it pretty relentlessly. Trying to figure out shadows and face structure. Still bad at coloring. I was incredibly proud of that charcoal picture. Was also going through my mandatory Dark 'n Edgy phase, with a big helping of Phantom of the Opera, Sarah Brightman, and my attempts at designing supercool clothes, many of which I wouldn't have actually worn, even given the opportunity.

2002

(Me trying to recreate “Flaming June” / OC, who incidentally looks almost exactly like Sarah Brightman and whose diadem was bodily lifted from a Jodi Lee painting / angsty symbolic wet chain lady / OC)

Deep in the Dark 'n Edgy. Faces are still very heavily made-up, with big lashes, defined upper eyelids, and dark lips. Trying very hard to be a good artist though, have high expectations for the future. I was so proud of that final pose and worked so hard on it. Lined paper? So not a problem. Besides, how else am I supposed to draw during class? A sketchbook would've been even more obvious than the incredibly obvious I already was. I'm able to listen while drawing pretty reliably, and I did manage to take detailed notes while doodling, so at least I had that going for me.

2003

(Celes / OC / OC / Hermes-inspired wing lady)

I was focusing (at least some of the time) on backgrounds and trying to make my work detailed and polished. Coloring is still hopeless. Often when I colored, I would go super light, even when I was using dark or intense colors. It would give my pictures a sort of faint, half-assed hazy look. I remember an art teacher urging me to use more color, but I probably resisted because I knew that way lay total destruction. I'm sorry, well-meaning art teacher. You are unversed in the ways of my pencils. I have killed too many sketches to take those kinds of risks.

2004

(Rosa? / Meliara from Crown Duel / willow-dress lady / Geddoe and Queen from Suikoden 3)

See the Meliara picture? That's supposed to be a night scene in a forest. Front-lit by blazing firelight. I was too afraid to make the colors darker. This is dark enough, okay? Anyway, this year, along with being utterly obsessed with Suikoden 3 and Crown Duel, I was letting my art head in a more realistic direction...

2005

(OC / Queen / Queen / part of Zetta and Salome from Makai Kingdom; I remember deliberately copying those swoopy Ss from one of my friends’ handwriting. Wishes ended up being the first longform fanfic I posted online.)

...that really flourished this year. It's not actually realism, but I made a point to give my characters, especially the women, more realistic bodies. Faces are very round in this period, often with soft features. Noses are prominent. I'm also, finally, using more vibrant colors. I probably got my first Prismacolor pencils around this time. I also got some really cheap markers, but had no idea how to use them so mostly stuck to pencils.

2006

(All OCs)

I look back on this as a good year. I was learning better coloring techniques. (Bold colors! Press that pencil down! Okay, I still had much to learn.) I got an Elfwood gallery while the site was doing its slow mosey into oblivion. But that was an important step, not just looking at other people's art online, but putting my own up as well. There were downsides though. I began to feel more insecure – or maybe more realistic? – about my art, on this site with so many highly talented artists. Still, 2006 is a good year. It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot.

2007

(vampire and hunter / Fleur from Harry Potter / OC / Avril from Wild Arms 5)

The year of Fleur Delacour. This is when I was writing Kindred. I think it was because I was trying to depict Fleur as distinctly non-human that my art shifted away from that more realistic style. Fleur, and my other figures, became very tall and slender. The anime DNA is still there though. For a long time, I felt the lying-down picture of Fleur was my best work.

2008

(Revya and Gig from Soul Nomad / my attempts at being “abstract” / OC / OC)

This was the year of Soul Nomad and, towards the end, Tales of the Abyss. Unsurprisingly, the anime influences start moving back to the fore. The eyes are becoming larger again, the features a bit more angular and stylized, mouths are shrinking. I'm still desperately trying to figure out markers and wondering why it's so darn hard (I don't try to educate myself, I just flail), but I was proud of that blue OC picture. It made me feel like I was getting somewhere. 2008 is when I started my deviantART gallery, right when everyone else was moving on to Tumblr.

2009

(teacup lady / Persona 4 noir-style comic / Revya / OC)

Then Persona 4 hit. Shigenori Soejima was a huge influence in this period, especially in eyes and faces. Pupils, chins, and jawlines shrink, eyelashes are sparse and stylized, noses are simplified. 2008 and 2009 are about as pure anime as I've ever gotten. Meanwhile, I'm really exited about my dA gallery and trying lots of different combinations of media. I'm super active on dA and FFN at this point, writing Elysion and then a slew of shorter Persona fics.

2010

(Minako from Persona 3: Portable / concept-art-version Minako / lady with dragon ferret thing / other lady with dragon ferret thing)

I'm still drawing with a lot of Soejima influences. Additionally, bodies are becoming even longer, taller, thinner, and bendier. Some of them look absurd to me now. On the other hand, a lot of pictures from this period have a nice elegance to them. I was still using colored pencils a fair bit, but more clumsy markers are showing up. Persona 3: Portable came out, and this is when I was writing Death and Ker.

2011

(mask lady / hat lady / Archaya, Duphaston, and Iryth from Eternal Poison / symbolic autumn lady and her winter baby)

Midway through this year, I hit a breakthrough when I got my first set of Copics – and skin tones, no less. Even though I was still flailing, I was so thrilled with my results. That Eternal Poison picture left me enormously proud, as did the mother and child one. My style hasn't changed all that much, but it's starting to feel less extreme. The focus on big eyes and tiny little mouths remains.

2012

(Elza from Suikoden 2 / Daryl and Setzer from Final Fantasy 6 / Killey and Lorelai from Suikoden 2 / Lyssa, Greek goddess of madness)

This is the year of Elza. Lots of delicate sketches of this lovely scarred lady, and lots of colored pictures too. I've definitely shifted away from pencils towards markers. The Daryl and Setzer one was an attempt to use both, and I was very happy with it. These pictures show their age, but there's still a lot here I like. Mouths are larger too. However, my online activity was starting to lag.

2013

(Rydia from Final Fantasy 4 / Nia from Infinite Space / the prophet and Schala / Argos and Io from Greek mythology)

The mid-2010s weren't entirely great for me, marked with a lot of frustration and discontent. And that definitely carried over to my art, making me feel very disappointed with myself. There was lots of marker work this year. Probably the standout picture is Argos and Io. This is also when I played through all three routes of Fate/Extra, and my art was suddenly full of Hakuno and Emiya.

2014

(Minako / butterfly lady / Marta and Tenebrae from Tales of Symphonia 2 / Elza)

Looking at it now, this was a good year. Lots of nice marker art. The butterfly one was a big step up for me in terms of coloring. The Marta and Tenebrae has a really cool stylized look to it. But I was becoming less enthusiastic about sharing my art with others. I started to post less and less.

2015

(evil Hakuno and Emiya from the Fate series / Mitsuru from Persona 3 / half moon cookie lady / Hakuno)

I barely posted anything this year, though I was still drawing a ton. As far as making strides, this is one of my better years. Coloring will never be my strong suit, but it's a lot more fun, and it looks a lot better. It's almost entirely marker-work at this point. Despite my, er, angst, a lot of people are smiling this year.

2016

(OC / doodle lady / Luna from Roman mythology / hair bow lady)

At this point, it's feeling too recent for me to really see what's changed. I did a fair bit of eraserless work. One problem I still have – and, yes, it involves coloring my pictures – is losing some of the image's personality after I've inked it and erased the initial pencil work. The picture's still there, but not as nuanced as it originally was. The results often feel stiff to me. Doing the first linework in ink, or not inking at all, allows me to keep that sensitive, spontaneous quality. Luna and the bow and doodle ladies were done without erasers. Another thing I did a lot this year was fill backgrounds with busy shapes and colors, which is a trend I’m still following today.

2017

(flapper and dog / Alcyone and Ceyx from Greek mythology / flower hair lady / Kida from Atlantis)

Not a good year. Not that the art is bad, there just isn't a lot of it, and what there is often isn't very finished. I was still mostly dark online, wondering if I should take down my dA gallery. Drawing and knowing I wasn't going to post something took off some of the pressure of my own expectations, but I was still unhappy.

2018

(Altera from the Fate series / Elizabeth Bathory from the Fate series / OC / Aranea from Final Fantasy 15)

This was a really important year for me. I wrote a novel I'm really proud of, and it's done a lot to give me confidence and a sense of creative direction. I also decided that after New Years, I was going to start a Tumblr gallery...just as everyone who was still on the site was jumping off of it. Much of my 2018 work is still sketchy and unfinished, but I also think it's loosening up some. It feels less stiff than the stuff from the middle of the decade.

2019

(Aloy from Horizon Zero Dawn / medievaly lady / Red from Transistor / Red)

The year of Supergiant Games, which led me to focus more on bright saturated colors. It's really hard for me to analyze these objectively. Coloring is better? I worked more on details? I used my metallic gel pens a ton and did shape-cluttered backgrounds? These aren't new things, but I think they paid off okay. I'm more at peace with my level of ability, I've finished more complicated works, and I crawled out of my den and started posting regularly online again. So that's all good. Curious to see what the art looks like in twenty more years.

[beansthembo]

I need to do a bit of a vent about the new Star Wars movie. Spoilers below.

I’m having some trouble processing what happened. If you’re reading this, you probably are interested in my opinion on it, and you probably also know that I was a big fan of The Last Jedi. By no means was it a perfect movie, but it took the chance of distancing itself from the rest of the series by springing off of what was established in TFA and building something new. A lot of people weren’t too pleased by this, and there are plenty of legitimate criticisms, but being completely transparent, I can’t listen to most critics of it because most of the people I know in real life who didn’t like it are racist or misogynistic.

TLJ tried to introduce people to the idea that, in reference to the new canon, just because it’s new and different, doesn’t mean that it’s bad. Kylo’s/Ben’s line, “Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to,” finds meaning in this, though a bit extreme. TLJ was going to learn from the past films and move on, for better or worse. TROS is determined to wallow in its past. As a lifetime fan of Star Wars, I can’t bring myself to hate it outright, like many vocal critics of TLJ, but I find myself severely disappointed by the decisions made in it.

I’ve honestly spent too much time composing those last paragraphs, as if I’m a legit critic or reviewer. I’m just kind of going to present my nitpicks and criticisms as they come to me.

So, first a few nitpicks:

-The opening crawl seems... poorly composed to me. The first line is “The dead speak!” Correct me if I’m wrong, but they don’t usually use exclamations in the opening crawls. I know I just spent the last couple of paragraphs defending new ideas, but the opening crawl always seemed as though they were meant to present information formally from a neutral perspective. Not a major criticism, but it did bother me a bit.

-What happened to Kyle’s TIE Silencer? I mean, it could’ve been destroyed in the previous movie, but I don’t really remember that happening. Either way, it seemed to me that they made the decision to make his ship more similar to the Interceptor, as, like, a ‘safer’ choice, but I don’t see why they couldn’t have just had the same ship.

-The Falcon has a round dish again? You know, now that I’m thinking of it, the dish may have been blasted off in TLJ. I just was surprised by that.

I may add to that list later. the actual problems I had were:

-Rey is sort of obsessed with ‘earning’ Luke’s (and Anakin’s) old lightsaber. Which has been repaired, by the way. She doesn’t actually ‘own’ it, even though she’s been using it for the past two movies, she’s just been borrowing it from Leia. I was really looking forward to seeing her make her own (or already have her own) lightsaber, which she does, but she waits until the end of the movie to show it off. And it’s rad as hell! Wtf? why couldn’t she have been using that the whole time! It’s one of my favorite lightsaber designs now and they show it for a whole two seconds!

-They finally give Snoke a backstory, and it’s... that he was Palpatine’s puppet the whole time. I’m gonna say, not the worst backstory they could have done, but they really tried to make him just not matter at all. I mean, yeah, the way he was done off with in TLJ was pretty unceremonious, but I always felt that meant that the real big bad was meant to be Kyle all along. Instead, the Skywalker saga becomes the Palpatine saga. I’m not opposed to the concept of Palpatine surviving and attempting to resurrect the Sith, but that’s something I’d expect from a novel, not the main story of the final movie in the franchise. And, honestly, regardless of whether or not Snoke was secretly Plagueis, I always thought he was supposed to be some other ye olde sith master, not just some sort of failed clone(?)

-Kyle rebuilds his fuUcking helmet. Why? What purpose does it serve? He doesn’t even wear it most of the time. The longest period he wears it is when the First Order officers comment on it. He’s just being dramatic. Which, I suppose, would be in character, but after the scene in which he shatters it in TLJ, it seems pointless.

-Another nitpick, but when they expand upon Rey and Kyle’s ability to connect through the force, it seems a little... disjointed. I do like that they took the time to expand upon that, even though I thought Rey closing the Falcon’s ramp on him at the end of TLJ was symbolic of her cutting him off, the way they presented it seemed, well, off. Like, it makes sense if you take it at face value, but if you start to think about it at all, it sort of... weird. I dunno how to describe it. Like, they interact with each other’s environments, but can’t see what they can interact with until they interact with it, and they can trade items, and... yeah.

-The big one... Rey’s a Palpatine. Her father was Sheev’s son. (When did that happen, huh? Who’d want to get with that wrinkly mess?) Why the everloving fuck couldn’t Rey just have been Rey? Why did she have to be related to someone existing in the franchise already? JJ’s going around saying that this was his plan the whole time, which is bull fucking shit, because otherwise they would have communicated this to Ryan, and I’m pretty sure TROS was originally going to have another director in the first place, and ALSO I’m pretty sure JJ did say at some point that Rey’s parents only mattered to her. While I’m on the topic of fan theories and origins, nobody in the movies was ever concerned about who Snoke really was. They knew who he was-the Bad Guy. Nobody ever cared who the Emperor really was in 1983, so why was Snoke’s death and non-explained origins such a big deal? I have more conflicted thoughts than I can even put down, so i’m gonna move on.

-Oh, before I forget, they just completely write off Rose. She’s present, but they minimize her screen time. I get that a lot of people didn’t like her, and there are some valid criticisms of her that aren’t completely rooted in racism and misogyny, but I never found any problem with her. I actually felt she was pretty relatable. She meets a hero, trips over her own words, and then learns why you should never meet your heroes. Disillusioned, she’s about to turn him in but they come up with another plan, and together they visit a world full of people she joined the Resistance to get away from. I’ve got that same feeling about those sorts of things-while I do enjoy a decent amount of privilege, I still, you know, fight against the system that gave it to me. And I can’t stand to see people abuse others just because they don’t have that privilege, so hearing her speech about wanting to punch a hole through that city did mean a lot at some level. Then, at the end, when she’s like, “this is how we win. Not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love,” I can even relate to that. It’s when, like, you explain to a kid how you hate something, and they jump on the bandwagon, and get real angsty, and then you’re like, “no no no that’s not what I wanted you to learn!” It’s hard to describe it with my rapidly deteriorating attention, but I never thought she was a bad character.

-DJ wasn’t in it! I mean, he wasn’t the most important character, but I still wanted to see him again.

-They have this fake out where they pretend Chewie was dead for a whole 20 seconds. I totally called it, too-the ship he was supposedly in blew up (or rather, Rey blew it up with force lightning accidentally), but since he didn’t die on screen in front of us, I knew it had to be a fake out. And it seems like the only reason for that was so they can find out that Hugs was the traitor, who is only betraying the First Order to see Kyle lose, which I mean fair, but then he’s unceremoniously killed off by the new big officer guy who we’ve never seen before but was supposedly one of the Emperor’s top men. I don’t think his name was even mentioned in the movie-or if it was, it had zero staying power. Also, they have this part where Threepio had his memory erased for a while before being backed up by Artoo. The lead up to it was very dramatic- Threepio’s generally been a comic relief character up to this point, and now he’s got to give his life for the cause (He had a translation of some Sith runes in his memory, but his programming prevented him from saying the translation aloud, and his memory needed to be wiped in order to access it), but as soon as his memory is wiped they do not give two shits that one of their best friends basically died right in front of them. Then Artoo brings him back and still no one cares.

-Poe and Finn do have a nice dynamic in the movie, but then we find one of Poe’s exes and he starts flirting with her and its like no Poe your husband’s right tHERE POE DON’T DO IT (and don’t dismiss this as shipper nonsense because John Boyega and Oscar Isaac both wanted FinnPoe to be a thing and acted through the movies like it was already don’t you say this is the first you’re hearing of this)

-The way that Rey defeats Palpatine is by crossing lightsabers in front of him to deflect his lightning?

-Reylo is canon NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Insert the gif of Vader yelling no at the end of ROTS)

-Also why does it always have to be a planet destroying superweapon? I know legends did that a lot but there doesn’t always have to be one for there to be stakes.

I think there was other stuff, but my brain is too scattered at this point to make any more cohesive thoughts. I mean, there was a lot of stuff I did like about it- Lando’s back! And i think Wedge is too, but he was on screen for about a second and a half, so I couldn’t tell. It was confirmed that Leia had force training, and even had a lightsaber! And I do like that they’re taking some inspiration from Legends, but I’m pretty sure Dark Empire was not one of the most popular series’ from it. I also did like Ben seeing a vision of Han; It’s not entirely clear if it was a force ghost thing (I am of the belief that Han was at leas a little force sensitive) or if it was just Ben sort of coming to terms with his actions, but the scene was pretty well done in my opinion. Also, Rey taking the name Skywalker at the end. That was nice, like she chose her family.

Now I just remembered a couple of things-Finn was basically confirmed to be force sensitive, but the way they did it felt very ham-fisted. Like, they weren’t like “he felt a disturbance wink wink nudge nudge,” they were like “HERE IS SOME SUBTEXT THAT ISN’T ACTUALLY SUBTEXT SEE HERE” like they never outright say it but it would have been less insulting if they did. Also, they introduced a force healing thing, which has been a more of a thing in the games, but we’ve never seen it on screen before. But like, Rey dies at the end and Ben brings her back and then [REDACTED] and then he dies, even though, like, a lot of things. I don’t know I’ve been typing for way too long I need off.

Anyway, it felt good to vent, thanks for reading if you did. I give TROS 6.5/10.

[rahirah]

gallifrey-via-pylea replied to your post: Out of curiosity

I have a feeling you’re not fond of Xander, but idk if he’s your least favorite. I’ve never seen you say anything nice about Andrew and I don’t see him being a fave or even a neutral character

And thenewbuzwuzz said: Your least favorite BtVS character: hard question, I'm not sure you have one. I'd guess Andrew, because I foggily recall a tumblr post where you said something about how he's a mushroom (in reference to what Buffy said in "Potential") and, also, he doesn't have a character tag in any of the Barbverse stories. :D ******************* DING DING DING DING!

Insofar as I have a most hated character, Andrew is it. And again, a lot of my dislike is more fandom-related than character-related – or at least, it was until season 9 of the Dark Horse comics. I can remember, back when S7 was airing, Andrew was far from the fan favorite he is today. People found him irritating, felt he'd been redeemed far too easily, and resented him for "stealing" screen time from Xander. (It wasn't common knowledge yet that this was at least partially because of Nicholas Brendan's off-screen substance abuse problems.) At that point, being the contrarian I am, I thought people were just exhibiting knee-jerk resistance to a new character, even though I felt some of the criticism (the too-easy redemption) had some substance. I found Andrew mildly amusing.

What changed my mind was AtS season 5. There was a big trend in Spuffy fandom at the time for portraying Andrew as Spike's Only True Friend (TM) which I found a little hard to swallow. It seemed to me that in S6, Andrew had just substituted Spike for Warren as the Cool Male Figure he emulated badly. At this point, you couldn't spit without hitting a Spuffy fic which prominently featured Andrew. The fact that a character whom I still found only mildly amusing kept turning up everywhere made me less and less inclined to like him. When Andrew showed up in Damage all Watchered up, and coolly betrayed Angel and Spike, it seemed obvious to me that he'd replaced Spike with Giles. Fandom only focused on Andrew hugging Spike. Meh.

Then "The Girl In Question" aired. Now, for the most part, I really enjoy that episode, for all it fits very weirdly into the season at that point (I tend to forget the angsty Wesley/Illyria parts even exist.) It's the scene at the end which consolidated my Andrew... well, hate's probably too strong; my Andrew God-he's-so-annoying! The scene was originally supposed to feature Dawn, and adapted rather badly, which accounts for many of the things about it which I found infuriating. But in the Watsonian sense, still, there it is. My reaction to that scene was who the hell is Andrew to be living in Buffy's apartment and making sanctimonious pronouncements on Buffy's love life to EITHER Angel and Spike? Not even getting into the Doylist aspect of it being a lecture from the writers to shippers, which is doubly infuriating. If there was any scene in the Jossverse which ought to have united Spuffy and Bangel shippers against their real foes, the writers, that scene should have been it. :D

(Now, if it had been Buffy, or even Dawn as Buffy's designated representative, telling Angel and Spike that she wasn't interested in either of them at the moment, and they needed to get out of her hair, that would have been a completely different thing.)

When the S8 comics came out and we found out that Andrew hadn't even been speaking on Buffy's behalf in that scene, that Buffy didn't even know that Angel and Spike had ever come to see her, and Andrew apparently thought it was a great big joke that he'd pulled the wool over Buffy's eyes, THAT solidified God-he's-so-annoying! into UGH ANDREW. And then S9 of the comics, and the infamous Robot Abortion storyline, where Andrew takes advantage of Buffy being blackout drunk to transfer her mind into a robot body (which for some creepy reason he's apparently designed to fake-pee, fake-eat, fake-poop, and fake-menstruate, else I cannot imagine why Robot Buffy didn't realize much, MUCH earlier that she wasn't human any longer) without her knowledge or consent, while installing her human body (which starts developing a new amnesiac personality of its own) in a Barbie Dream House and spying on her. And then just blithely lets this situation go on for weeks, maybe months, without telling either version of Buffy what's going on. If Robot Buffy hadn't found out the truth by having her arm torn off, who knows how long he'd have let things go on?

This is arguably the most loathsome and pervasive violation of a character's consent and autonomy in an entire series' worth of horrendous consent issues. (Two characters, if one counts Amnesiac Human Buffy as a separate person.) And when it all comes out, Buffy is... mildly peeved, and no one else seems to care that much. Which is, tbh, par for the course for the series, and the extent to which one finds it annoying is dependent upon whether or not it happens to be one's favorite character screwing up and being forgiven too quickly, or a character one already doesn't like.

But. I would have expected fandom, which leaps on other characters' screw-ups and shreds them like raw meat, to get at least a little cranky about this. But nooooo. Andrew is feckless and (at that point) ambiguously gay, so Andrew can do no wrong in fandom's mind. He meant well!

Anyway, my dislike has cooled off some since then, because the writers in season 10 actually did give Andrew some character development to get him away from doing things like that. (Even though I have a different set of issues with the "the mechanical recording of Jonathan isn't a real person, but the biological recording of Fred is, never mind why, it's because we say so!" stuff.) But he still ticks me off.