#or why theyre doing yoga

[ijustreallylikepirates]

DCCOCE2 !!! 🗣️💥❗️

-“Diego has a thing for British guys” THEYRE GONNA KISS EACH OTHER

-oop Isabel is giving villain I love her

-TRISTAN MY BABY I LOVE YOU

-why are we doing straight yoga bro

-LMAO THE WINK AT SPENCER WHEN HE SAIF LIFT YOUR RIGHT LEG HES GETTING FREAKY WITH IT

-I ship Ivy and zaid bro

-“sorry there was a bug” THAT WAS A FLY BRO

-he’s actually so real for that tho

-this bitch is eating straight leaves right now

-ok idk if this was just my iPad glitching but zaid’s laugh never came out

-bro just made the motion it looked so goofy 😭🙏🏻

-HE HAS LESBIAN MOMS OH YEAH

-Amelie get out

-HANNAH YOU ATE

-“don’t you get tired of being an asshole” PREACH GIRL

-SHES AN ORPHAN

-NAH THE LORE DROP IS CRAZY

-aw she’s hugging Marissa she wants her

-WHAT WAS WITH THE CYMBALS WHEN NATALIA SHRUGGED GET OUT

-not Isabel calling her a raccoon 💀

-I love how Anastasia cares about Marissa because she got badmouthed once bro

-Alessio x Logan ???

-Alessio just like me

-“hella sus” PLEASE BRO YOURE SO CRINGE 😭🙏🏻

-aw little Alessio

-trevek you are not kung fu panda bro

-AW DEREKS LITTLE TWINKLY EYES THEYRE SO GAY I LOVE THEM

-bro Logan womp womp this is disventure camp man you’re gonna hit some girls

-please tell me the baby is not traumatized

-I’ll cry

-wait hear me out on young Richard guys

-OMG I LOVE THE PICS OF HIM AND HIS FAMILY

-“what she’s an ass” PRESCH ANASTASIA

-WHY DID HE MOAN LIKE THAT

-LMAO BRO GOT BENT

-ALESSIO SCOOTING AWAY FROM TED LMAO

-omg I love how Anastasia is standing up to Lynda for Marissa

-smells kind of lesbian in here

-bros been playing poker since he was a kid 💀

-“this painting is me” bruh really how did you not see that

-YES GET TED OUT

-THE WAY TED SNATCHED LYNDA LMAO

-THE WAY ISABEL PRAYED LMAO

-NO ALESSIO

-WHY BRO HOW

-COME BACK MY BABY

-IT COULDVE BEEN TEDDDD

-I want alessio and Logan to kiss right now

-thank you Marissa

-“I mean who doesn’t” I KNEW YOU WANTED LOGAN YOU LIKE HIS SPICY ABS

BRO THIS MADE ME MAD

WHY ALESSIO BRO DIDNT EVEN GIVE HIM A CHANCE

ALESSIO WANTS TO KISS LOGAN SO BAD

OK TRISTAN YOU GOT THIS BABY

[arachnoia]

gone ➶ . ˚ ༉‧₊˚ˑ༄ؘ | miguel o’hara

miguel o'hara x fem! reader

a/n: i think that atp, im just a miguel o’hara writer (not that im complaining but gimmie requests pls !! theyre open on my acc !!) this is also a drabble ive been wanting to write because i’ve always wanted to write angst (well tbh idk what this is?) but wasn’t sure how to? lowkey i want this to be a story that isn’t just a one shot but lmk if you guys want more of this? im just trying stuff out!

pt2 - ‘holy shock’ pt 3- ‘finally’

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Breathe in, breathe out...”

The beautiful city stunned you as you stood on top of a random building, breathing in its modern, refreshing look.

It kind of took your breath away, contradictory to what you just told yourself a few seconds ago.

You barely finished another mission as your universe’s one and only Spider-Silk. Was it tiring? Hell yes, no doubt. But you never took a moment to actually admire Earth-928’s Nueva York, where Spider Society headquarters was located. Nueva York was also the place where you were if it wasn’t fighting crime and going to grad school in your own universe’s New York.

You usually swing to the top of a business building, a little bit far from Spider Society headquarters. It was quiet and peaceful. It was your thinking place where you could release any emotions you wanted to spill when you couldn’t anywhere else since you can’t really spill your emotions if you were to be taken seriously.

Plus, the one person who you expressed your deepest emotions, is gone.

As you simply stared into space while remembering the feeling you felt this morning.

You noticed some tears gathering at the outside corners of your eyes. Your eyelids began to droop, and you began to sob quietly as your chest hurt from, what some call “heartbreak”.

To be completely honest though, it was just melancholy and depression from what happened hours prior.

You couldn’t say that the emotion you felt for him or what you feel is loving him because it wasn’t love.

It felt like something stronger. But you knew it wasn’t reciprocated back.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“So why don’t you just kick your professor’s ass?” Miguel joked. His laugh made you feel warm inside. It was a cute laugh in your opinion.

The two of you were sitting down, at the building you like to think at, munching on sweet, baked, fig empanadas from a lady's restaurant in your universe. Doña Rosa? She was a nice lady and safe to say, Miguel would definitely come back for the empanadas.

“Please, O’Hara. I’d get simply kicked out and would have to never show my face ever again…But the bastard deserves it for ripping apart my paper on exploring different dimensions with colliders!”

He chuckled. “Right, because you have experience. Do you not? Y/l/n?”

“EXACTLY. BUT NOT EVEN GRAMMARLY HELPED ME NOT GO THROUGH HIS REIGN OF TERROR!” You felt pissed, but Miguel found it absolutely hilarious to see you worked up as you angrily took a bite out of your empanada. It was cute.

“Swear to god, that bitch is scarier than most of the stupid anomalies we fight,” You pouted and glanced at him. He looked like he was trying to not start laughing even harder than he was before. “Y/l/n. Just calm down it doesn’t matter. Plus didn’t you mention it was like 10% of your grade? You’ll be fine it’s not that bad.”

You smirked at him. “Oh, so you’re trying to say it’s still bad?”

“No…but look at me.” You turned to his direction as he placed his empanada on a napkin next to the rest of the lot and he rested his hands on your shoulders.

“Breathe in. Breathe out.” You chuckled at his direction.

“Miguel, you sound like a yoga instructor."

“No no, I’m being serious here! No dejas que esa mierda te moleste, okay?”

You raised your eyebrow and smiled playfully. “Alright, like you’re the calmest person on this Earth,” He laughed. “I’m not but you’re not like me. I don’t want that to affect you, especially because it doesn’t matter.”

“Now. Breathe in…”

You softly smiled at him, to which he returned, “And breathe out.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“It's pleasant, isn't it?” Peter replied as he began to go in your direction, breaking up your train of thought. He and Mayday gave you a sad look as they walked over to hug your shaky form.

“How-?”

“Y/n, I saw you swinging here after barely teleporting here. What’s wrong?”

You didn’t know what to say. You felt a metaphoric weight on your shoulders as you struggled to tell Peter.

“Was it perhaps…Miguel?” You felt like laughing. Here you were, crying while Peter was acting full-on dad and Mayday was playing with her Spider-Man beanie. It would be a very unusual sight to someone who was just viewing you three at a distance.

“I’m just going to take that as a yes,” Peter said as he sat down on the roof and patted to the space next to him. “Take a seat, Y/l/n.”

You followed his directions and sat down.

It was quiet and a bit windy. It gave you a sad memory and you felt like you were drowning in it.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You felt a rush of anxiety and couldn’t breathe.

“I CAN’T. I CAN’T DO IT, O’HARA," you screeched, scratching Miguel's arm in excruciating pain.

“YES YOU CAN, Y/L/N!! CALM DOWN!”

The two of you were in a mission to stop an anomaly. You were one of the first to start attacking…and one of the first to be badly injured. Your right thigh was impaled with several medium sized pieces of glass from being thrown to a glass building and you ran out of webs to shoot. You froze and wanted to cry, feeling vulnerable.

Miguel went over to try to help you as the other Spiders went to attack said anomaly. You knew each other as friends since you were one of the first Spiders ever to be recruited to the Spider Society so you knew each other pretty well. When he saw you injured, he quickly saved some civilians and rushed to your direction.

“Yes, you can Y/l/n. Look at me. Breathe in.” Your eyes widened as you saw him grab the largest piece of glass. He had 2 pieces of cloth with him. “No, stop looking at them and look at me. Breathe in, goddamn it.”

You stared at him and he gave you a piece to bite down. You tried to calm down as he took the piece out and screamed into the cloth. “I’m going to wrap it up, okay?” He said, earning a nod from you. “Good girl. Now breathe in…”

“…Breathe out.” You said.

“That’s my girl,” He said as he smiled at you and carried you with the rest of the civilians.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Breathe in, breathe out,” You whispered. Saying that phrase now just made your tongue feel bitter. Like eating a sour candy except it doesn’t turn out sweet at the end, but just making you frown.

Peter smiled and turned to you, “Now tell me what happened, kid. People don’t just run away before saying hi to their favorite person, therefore being me? !”

You scoffed, “Peter, no offense but why does it matter to you? You should be focusing on other things other than my well-being.”

Peter raised his eyebrow and rolled his eyes. “Listen, kid. You and the other Spiders like Gwen or Miles, matter to me.”

He covered Mayday’s ears. “Shit, even Miguel. If I see you mopey and sad and what not, of course, I’m going to be worried!”

“Really?” You were shocked. No one really has given you that fatherly attention like Peter has.

The only one who would really listen to you, was Miguel. But you can’t really rely on him now, can you?

“Yup. Now tell me what’s going on? Is everything okay?” Your breath hitched and you froze.

You then took a deep breath, sighed, and smiled bitterly.

“Miguel, he told me he wants me gone from his life,” you said as you felt a sudden pang in your chest.

Just feeling those words leave your lips made the melancholy come back even stronger.

And it hurt like fucking hell.

[boxheadpaint]

oh god when did i diary post last. Well as good a time as any

another year older today, though birthday festivities are actually taking place yesterday and tomorrow due to conflicting schedules and hannukah party stuff. spending this last week of DEMBER watching found footage / mockumentary horror and doing my best not to worry as much as usual to varying levels of success. still need to get refill on blood pressure meds because sleep is annoying again thanks.

joycon controller journey where in the end i grab those ergonomic ones which they only had the pokemon print ones in stock but theyre very nice. they make my switch wide and intimidating and it doesnt hurt to use which im not sure why i ever got used to that for normal joycons? I can take a few guesses though namely being yay videogames and being good at ignoring pain until its gone for a bit.

waiting back for exciting surgery news though knowing state health that wont be for a while! in the mean time just gonna look at fish and have a beautiful time. didnt actually super celebrate christmas this year, stayed home with partner. did have a gift from my mom (MICHEAL FATCAT VOLUME 2 LETS FUCKING GO. And a book on color combinations) for it and another for my birthday (immensely sexy natural illustration book) which was very nice and makes me happy. since she moved to mexico our schedules dont line up as well from timezones but the few calls we have had are nice. she got a puppy that made me cry over video from the smallness.

at this point i miss digital art enough that i am willin to brave the overheating and bluescreening of my surface again but maybe instead i could set up some stand made of welded paperclips or something so it can sit up and breathe again. Mom gave me her old one but its windows 11, then theres the yogas that doug has where one doesnt work with my pen and says ACTIVATE WINDOWS in the corner because it was probably some sensitive work thing while the other yoga has like. a mystery charger we have yet to find. we will likely try to downgrade moms from the windows 11 shit as best we can but god im not confident in it.

Every month i think i need to stop worrying about what people will think of my art, that their interpretations dont matter and i am doing what makes me happy and what keeps me interested. i also manage to forget this every month around the same time. i miss drawing very very quickly to make stupid funny pictures for people, its a lot better at conveying how i feel and think than trying to pull from my limited vocabulary. written words are basically just another kind of picture that are funny and dont make any sense in any order you say them and will never get across what you are trying to say.

okami HD was 5 dollars on the switch. its been a lot of fun to play through it again after all this time- when i was a kid i thought after orochi i beat the game and that whatever else was going on was a weirdly long postgame. i stopped at the VERY near end of act 2 because of the fucking blockhead warrior guy was impossible for me. i was trying to get footage of the weakpoints on a flipphone with my family behind me like mission control. now that im an adult man with reading comprehension and a smaller screen with a built in screencapture function im sure i will get just as mad as i did back then.

12/28/2024, I keep accidentally not hydrating enough day-to-day and i still need a shower. gonna go fuckin water mode

[imeverywoman420]

major criticism of onlyfans and instagram influencers i made while peeing and waiting for the calamine lotion to dry so i can move around

the type of softcore porn everywhere thats like. Girl with the face of sims 3 toddler in a sports bra and leggings. “You guys sweating during a workout is totally natural” closeup of her sweaty ass crack in yoga pants for that sweet onlyfans promo.

like. I wish they would just get french tips and do the full glam porn star makeup and be UP FRONT like “hey handsome heres my onlyfans im selling PORN on my ONLYFANS ;)” instead of “hii im selling fitness content heres my booking info watch me do tiktok dance” and looked like adult women that would be way better. Its like all these girls pretending theyre not escorts when they are wnd we all know it lol. “Fitness influencer” with cities and a plane emoji in bio= literal escort. Why cant they just be strippers or Playboy bunnies (the equivalent lol) why do they have to look like children and pretend theyre not selling sex

its the way they look like weird edited children with bbls and its just NotPorn. Like its obviously porn but its a dead eyed girl in a crop top and leggings standing in a gym holding a weight so its not Really Porn. Like. Wheres the silk and lace and feathers. Its always broad daylight too in those posts. Thats another sickening thing. theres no line of demarcation for what is erotic and the normal day to day…

they take up so much space on social media with their plausible deniability that its not reallyyyy porn its workout routines and tiktok dances. Girl shut the hell up and i want your simps to die. I dont even care about the morality aspect at this point its literally just so annoying that its everywhere. I miss when everything had its place and at least back 10-15 years ago they looked like women and not children lol its so creepy and bizarre on so many levels…

[upsidedowngrass]

Charlotte post NOW (/j only if u want!!)

AHHH charlotte jumpscare!!!!!!!

im not sure what SPECIFICALLY to post abt her bc this ask is a little vague, BUT i do think abt her a lot!!! tho i DO gotta think about her more, she is a WONDERFUL character

bc idk what specifically, my interpretation of her post canon and WHY (also under a readmore because WOW!! i had apparently a lot to say abt her):

i think!!! she is a LOT more mellow after she gets home. like in one 16 after shes respawned its like. she seems to be friendlier? which. i think has to do w like... i dont think she was a bad person really, and i dont think shed been acting Maliciously, but when it came to having friends i think it was really easier for her to genuinely take things as worst as they could be. we dont actually get much of her backstory, so its up to interpretation as to WHY, but i think she genuinely struggled with being distrustful of those close to her. she likes them, that much is clear, but trusting people is a whole other thing

but i think she really DID view her friends as pitying her. as not respecting her, even when they werent Being cruel. they were concerned for her safety, and how her recklessness was affecting her. and i think that can end up walking a line between pity and not wanting your friends to do things that are pretty unambiguously dangerous, and what was very standard friendship ended up feeling a lot MORE like they didnt respect her or her choices

and i think what changes this is that. she DID die. and i think that contextualized for her that her friends werent concerned because they thought she couldnt handle herself, but because they just Generally care abt her yknow? as fucked up as her dying is, i think it did ultimately make her realize that THIS is what her friends were worried about. they didnt want THIS to happen to her, and i think in an odd way? it kinda made her. idk understand? trust? the people around her more. like in a 'oh, people around me dont only care about me for selfish reasons, or cruel reasons. they care because they CARE' way

and i think that, and the fact that she says that shed been thinking about this a lot? i feel like it kinda all forced her to slow down and WANT to talk to the people around her. because shed been pushing them all away because what was the point in talking to them? and i think once she REALLY noticed how amelia was doing, after thinking so much about all this, it kinda MADE her want to amend things. or at the very least, to talk to people more. shes isolated herself long enough, and its now more than ever that she realizes how much others meant to her in the first place.

(i think in some aspects, amelias method of coping also bothered her. amelias coping mechanisms werent necessarily BAD, theyre not good by real-world standards, but given the situation shes in, it was just... once of the few ways she COULD cope. but i think the flaws in this method of coping really came through once airy came back, because in forgetting everything about who she used to be, earth became a very daunting place, but now that airys back, any amount of feeling like home the plane may have unfortunately gained was completely undone. and i think charlotte actually SEES that, and its not the exact same as her own struggles, but i think she WANTS to help amelia, because she of all people knows how the feeling of being isolated, either on purpose or accident, can feel Extremely Awful. that, and she knew amelia before things on the plane got REALLY bad, and she SAW (since ive seen people note that she!!! was watching amelia do yoga w the others) amelia gradually give up, become comfortable, and then LOSE all of that

and i think, at least right before bryce showed up, it felt fucked up that charlotte WAS the only other person from the same world as amelia and theyd!!! never even spoken about it??? (like how she comments that they NEVER told each other their names. which only applies to her and amelia. that statement was intended very specifically towards amelia) and its like. i think it mightve made her a bit 'no WONDER shes not doing well. even if shes trying to act like she is' (which i dont even think amelia is doing to deflect so much as an attempt at 'if i pretend its ok it WILL be ok right?'))

and!!! once getting home i think this would all really lead her to be a bit more patient with others. i dont think the distrust would STOP being an issue, but i think such a terrible experience causing her to completely recontextualize the actions of those around her would actually help, at least a little . i dont actually know if i think shed stay friends w parker and that friend group, but i think theyd at the least keep in touch. parker clearly, even when they were arguing, STILL cared about her, and i think seeing her disappear probably was. a bit haunting, and so i think at the very least hed like to know shes Okay

also whenever people have the characters live together post canon, they only ever include bryce liam and amelia, and i GET why!!! charlotte didnt really interact w them for a looong time. but after charlotte is revived i actually see her as talking with them yknow? i dont think shed stop talking to them again, and i think her talking with amelia was a genuine attempt to help!! so i think theyd stick together. i dont imagine liam actually gets closer with any of the contestants while hes trying to send them home (tho i dont think it worsens substantially either. i think it just sorta. stays where it is? and if he did have notable interactions with any of them, itd PROBABLY be mainly w amelia and bryce, tho i dont think he DOESNT talk to charlotte too! he just has a diff sort of connection w those to, based on the experiences he Shared w them) so i think he isnt SUPER close w charlotte, but i think the others may become WAY closer w her!!! so i think if they all moved in together? that WOULD include charlotte!!! (that, and i think charlotte would also develop a sort of respect for liam . because he kinda DOES display exactly the type of traits she didnt really see people as having!!! going to EXTREME lengths to help people, including HER! so i think shed generally have many thoughts on him)

anyway !!! thats it the point is that as much as one would fuck charlotte up in her own way, i think, similar to how bryce tried to get his life together after he was first eliminated, shed similarly end up having a better ability to navigate social stuff in not such a pessimistic way as before!!!!!

[plague-parade]

ID: #fair but also youre not communicatimg with them earnestly if thats all you get out of this exchange? #idk how to say this but people are people. some types of people are Solvers by nature and if you tell them a thing #theyll come back with a laundry list of solutions...because they care. 'have you tried X' just means 'I care abt this and want to help u' #so the better thing here is to setsocial boundaries with friends. tell them you dont want solutions when you talk about this stuff #and understand that when someone suggests something dumb what theyre really saying is that they care. might make it less annoying to endure. end ID

i want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but setting social boundaries with friends is not going to help with total strangers doing this.

i made this because i am tired of random people saying this stuff to me, my friends and family do not do this.

the person at the grocery store who stopped me to ask ‘whats wrong with you’ because i use a wheelchair, who doesnt even know my name, doesnt ‘really care’ about me.

there is also a huge difference between someone researching solutions and (like i said in the post) thinking of a solution after learning about the condition five minutes ago and saying “have you tried yoga”. which is why i specified that.

i will actually go so far as to say this sounds victim blamey. implying that its my fault for not setting boundaries or ‘earnestly communicating’ rather than abled people not listening.

if upon being told about someones illness/condition, your first thought is to say “have you tried X?” i want you to step back for a moment and think to yourself “if i thought of X after hearing about this condition for the very first time, the person who has this condition very likely has thought of this and possibly tried it already”

we are tired of constantly being told to try the same things by people who didnt know our condition existed five minutes ago.

you dont need to offer any solutions or try to fix us. i know it might seem like a polite thing to do or that it shows you care, there are other ways to show us you care.

[dumbbitchfrommars]

"princess diana"

why is my making an effort to look and feel pretty, when i am in a low place, trying to break away and distract myself from the seemingly endless stress and turmoil my life is right now, exactly WHY is that such a fucking crime?

why is it that i feel like such a caricature of a woman when i make an effort to feel in touch with my feminine side? why does it feel like an overcompensation, an oversaturated and overdone attempt at hiding behind a costume? why when i look at my sisters in their many different states of being, does it all seem so effortless, when all i want is to feel like myself, like my best, like im beautiful too.

why is it such a crime to want that feeling of security and safety for myself?

i am completely afraid of going on this trip and having to face my true self, to be vulnerable with a person i dont trust and avoid completely, to know that everyone sees the block that i have in me and how pathetic it is that i can barely break through. like they all clearly have. because theyre all so fucking emotionally grown.

apparently i hide behind my maturity to avoid my wounded inner child.

all of the sudden im walking around with a target on my back.

maybe i was too quick to stop seeing my psychologist?

cause right now all i feel is rage and frustration and pain. because i really do feel like im alone, and no one including myself can make me feel safe. yet all i have ever done is try to make everyone else feel safe in my presence. when will this energy be returned to me?

why is it such a crime to ask for these things for myself? why am i so unworthy? because i dont have a fucking second to be alone when its all i fucking crave from life? for the past month all i have wanted was a second to return to myself. to workout again, to do yoga again, to go for a walk with myself again, to appreciate the lovely little beauties in life that only i can share with myself because there is no one else like me. to see from the perspective that i lost and quickly became more and more restricted the more i felt in survival mode. trying to rush to get every task done. every task that no one else would ever do.

right now it feels like no one truly appreciates the uniqueness of who i am. they just see all my flaws and weaknesses. i guess trying is not good enough, i guess something has to change.

somethings gotta give.

my best change comes from distancing myself from external energies when i come to these roadblocks and uncomfortable feelings within me, but it seems like distance could be a hard thing to reach at the moment.

even the fucking cat doesn't like me.

nobody likes me when im miserable.

its the cold hard truth.

nobody likes you when youre miserable.

sorry! dont like you. good luck with your depression and anxiety. youre on your own now.

i understand in a sense, not having the time or patience for it. i feel like maybe when you reach that plateau of spiritual growth you do tend to step up on the pedestal above all the puny, pathetic undeveloped non-spiritual folk.

what makes them any different to me in this scenario?

not nice being the one below looking up huh.

the difference between me and the people who i cut off - people i slowly distanced myself away from and never once was hurtful or bullied, just genuinely stop resonating with and took the step back from - is that i am making an active effort to try become better.

but apparently my own timing doesnt work for you. apparently my process doesnt look like yours and therefore is not valid. and so i become the butt of a joke that im not laughing at. or i am... because im a people pleaser.

fuck my life.

am i not allowed this one moment? this one reprieve from the shittiness of my situation at the moment to be completely and annoyingly drained, pathetic and enraged? is that not allowed anymore????? let me fucking live my life! this was my first day off in god knows how long, and i still ended up with a schedule jammed full of plans to run around doing things for other people!

im supposed to be writing my FUCKING THESIS!!!

my fucking fucking fuckoubgrafubnbge thesis .

AND OF COURSE TO TOP IT ALL OFF MY DUMBASS COWORKER OVERCHARGED ME WHEN I CAME IN SPECIFICALLY BUYING A PRODUCT FOR THE FUCKING DISCOUNT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING APPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh.

its so exhausting to carry all these pent up emotions around with me. like a child. a child who doesnt know what to do with it all because its too big.

the most hurtful thing to me is that no one shares my unconditional love and adoration for all small humans and animals. especially dogs. even the ones who claim to be the closest to me, my best friend, sisters. to not share it, to not even acknowledge it in me, to reject that part of me. to judge that part of me. who the fuck do you think you are? claiming to love me and not see that side of me. to not want to see it. to ignore it. to reject it...

some part of me... i think its my inner child. its a part of my inner child. but not me when i was little... me when i was bigger, but still little. she wants me to sit it out tomorrow. to leave myself out to send the message that im hurt, and im angry, and i dont want anything to do with people who hurt me. that they have done something wrong, and should know that something is wrong, but i wont tell them why.

then theyll ask me what happened, and ill say nothing even though its something. and hold onto that pent up resentment until the next thing goes wrong.

or i tell them, and its explosive, and messy, and poorly executed, and very well mean the end of the relationship in its entirety. all for a small moment that triggered an insecurity in me.

god im so sensitive. im so sensitive but no one wants to see it. no one wants to acknowledge it. because my walls are so far up that i wont let them. and when they notice... well. i guess it doesnt matter.. because ive been hiding so long. im always hiding. whenever it shows, its rejected. i keep feeling so rejected. what the fuck is going on with me...

i feel like a pathetic child.

im hurt.

im tired, im exhausted, im burnt out, ive overextended myself, all i want is for things to be light and fun again but it feels like it never will be. it feels like it wont get better in time for the trip or the festival. it feels like im gonna let everyone down. it feels like im just one huge disappointment.

what happened to not taking things personally?

i keep thinking that to myself. but thinking it and embodying it are two different things. im repeating the words to myself like a whisper in the background, as i watch myself continue to fall deeper into this despair of "why me?" like a viewer behind a TV screen.

i actually have noticed ive been disassociating a lot more than usual lately. im just mentally checked out. i wish i could just... disappear somewhere. somewhere totally isolated where i could be by myself. maybe ill get that at the festival. maybe what i feared, being abandoned, will be exactly what i need. to just float in the water and stare at the sky for as long as i need to forget all my problems.

i dont know whats going on with me now but i just hope its over soon. i hope its over before it gets bad enough for me to revert to my old ways. i just want to be okay again. i just want to feel safe again, and to not be afraid, and to not be angry, and to be in love with life again. to be in love with myself, to accept myself, to not hate myself, to not be angry with myself, to not feel like its all coming apart, to not feel like im doing it all wrong when im giving it my all.

[shamelessrabbithole]

Exactly! But like another thing about Layla almost being 50... there's no way that shes that insecure of Cam right? Like he was barely an adult when they started filming. I dont know how secure I'm going to feel at her age but i dont think id have the mental capacity to worry about a barely legal age guy. Also always wondering if my husband might cheat or get to close? Fuck out of here with that.

Of course thats just me. But that sounds exhausting.

(Obviously we dont even know if any of that is true. Maybe theyre both to blame for why they are ALWAYS together. And like not to sound bitter but I cant stand when couples cant spend time away from one another. Go do something else PLEASE)

I think you go into an acting career knowing there is a high chance you will have to do a love scene. Or if you’re married to an actor, your spouse will have to. And it’s probably tough to watch but you make your peace with it.

As for Layla’s entire social media presence being wrapped up with Noel and Noel’s career, it does seem very one note. As in, why don’t you ever post pics from brunch with the gals, or the armful of stuff you carry to yoga class, or the petunias that are springing up in your garden, etc. Like actual hobbies independent of being Mrs. Noel Fisher.

But at the end of the day, it’s her Instagram account. She can do what she wants with it.

[winderlylandchime]

2x16 1/2 He actually clapped his hands together and went ‘lets get this love confession on the road!!!’ So let’s all hold hands for this unfortunate moment that we are about to witness, i believe this is the exact definition of stolen innocence.

‘It is Justin’s birthday..and Ben’s, my god he’s so boring that he can’t even have his own birthday. Why are we suddenly sad over going to Babylon? Justin, my boy, an episode ago you were living your best life there? He’s probably just tired’ ‘oh Brian hates birthdays, i thought it was just his birthday he hated. OH WAIT he’s pretending so that he can surprise him duuuh!!’ ‘Oh wow Ben’s whole thing is yoga and Buddhism..no party on the planet could make that look fun...I’m gonna need Mel and Lindsay to stop, what will they do? HEY! Talk to Bri Bri first, you will mess up his plans for his birthday surprise! Or are they in on it? *looks at me all shocked* theyre in on it aren’t they? They’re gonna take him to a dinner and Brian will be there waiti- VIOLIN RECITAL? Why are they ignoring him if he said he’s not into it? This will be the most boring birthday ever. But don’t worry Bri Bri will come through’ he now paused the episode on the loft scene because he swears he knows the song in the background but he can’t figure it out and no app is helping him. And i wish i was joking when i say that it took him 20 minutes to discover the song because when he made me look up songs listed for the ep, it was the wrong one. He is now angry at the band bc they are the reason he couldn’t find it. Now finally back to the episode. ‘Awww Brian is fixing his tie, didn’t Justin wear a tie the entire season 1? Would it kill Mel to smile at Brian once? Just once? Can she leave? I don’t like her anymore, she is far too negative for my vibes. Aww he told him to not work too hard. I agree with Lindsay but don’t worry he will show him his present bc this is all a pla- see! he is flipping through ART BOOKS! He is planning a surprise for Justin and i cant wait!’ And now it’s the beginning of Ethan and i wish i was joking when i said that I actually flinched when the violin music started. ‘justin…this is not this exciting so calm down. Is he seriously drawing him? *he paused on Ethans face* is that supposed to be a goatee? Is that…is he for real? Nobody on that set told him to shave? Oh I do not like the vibes of this. Justin only draws Brian, why is he drawing this lil shit now? *pauses on Ethan again* WAIT IS THAT BUFFYS BOYFRIEND?! Oh i hated him there. Justin, stop drawing him.’ (Please send me your thoughts and strength because i am physically ill at the sight of Ethan and now I actually have to suffer him.) ‘justin..why do we care about this dude so much? A lesbian success story? Melly, ill be the judge of that because right now i am not happy. Oh what a pretentious prick. Just take the fucking complime- he did not blame the fact that he sucked on justin? Oldest trick in the book well get fucked goatee boy because WE HAVE A BRIAN! Why are mel and Linds so happy about whatever the fuck this bullshit is? Ohhhh big whoop you have your own CD well Brian has his own loft and a car and a comic book!’ He paused the episode again and went outside for a smoke and when i asked about it, he just pointed to the tv where Ethan was on it and screamed with his hands shaking around his head. ‘Why is he playing the violin music for Brian? Justin, we are done. The concert is over and we are now back to reality! OH BRIAN HAS A PRESENT! WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY! WHAT DID I SAY WAS GONNA HAPPEN?! I said this will happen and nobody believed me!! AND NOW YALL LOOK LIKE A FOO-….okay, I did not see this happening’ ‘….Emmett, you could’ve just ordered sushi. Oh debbie, is here too. Seriously is mel ever fucking quiet? Do these two not know how to mind their business? My god, mel and lindsay really dont know how to mind their fucking business! It was a dumb present okay but can they mind their own for a second. Have they ever had a successful party? Debbie shut the fuck up, i too would hate strangers in my house AND my phone stolen by my boyfriend!’

"‘lets get this love confession on the road!!!’ So let’s all hold hands for this unfortunate moment that we are about to witness, i believe this is the exact definition of stolen innocence." Setting a prayer circle for you and Brother.

He's pretending he hates birthdays and he should check with Mel and Linds so they don't ruin the surprise. Oh nooooooo.

Yes why on this green earth would you take him to a violin recital?!?! Inquiring minds want to know. If only Justin had said "nah that sounds boring" and stuck to his guns. IF ONLY. (Although I do believe they needed to break up for relationship growth but still the way Ethan happened was NOT IT).

Ohhhh big whoop you have your own CD well Brian has his own loft and a car and a comic book! <- YES. BROTHER

And then we have the racist party... Emmett you could have just ordered sushi.

And no, they have never had a successful party. Vacations and parties come to die in QAF 'verse.

[dsm7]

i need a horrific fail in my life bc the mental health professionals dont ever take me seriously without one

[bunnymoon-phase]

@autisticfotia

the whole gangs here

[imeverywoman420]

N everybody wants to cosplay as a big city trendy adult that keeps a wardrobe full of “statement pieces”. Everybody wears the same teeny gold hoops and flared yoga pants and glossier makeup.

and i just wanna ask GENUINELY not meanly- how conscious are they of their choices. If it was the 1950s would they look like a sears catalog. Many of them seem to identify as fashion forward and Aware of themselves, but have such cookie cutter tastes. And you cant ask these questions bc theyre offensive. You cant ask someone “why do you have awful, uninspired taste? Are you scared?” Because thats RUDE. and how would you feel if someone asked you that. Youre not perfect.

[maraczeks]

michael & holly breakdown

[coridallasmultipass]

.

[sailorwritesstuff]

Can I pwease have some Pepa and Dolores headcanons? Like just a list of headcanons about them. Some could be about them together. But they don’t have to be. (Bonus if you include overwhelmed Dolores and panic attack Pepa cause I feel like that’s not talked about enoughhhhh) sorry I’m not more specific. I just love those two so much ❤️❤️

OMG YES! I LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEM!! I tried to altercate between the two of them so that it was a pretty even amount of head cannons for each <3

Pepa and Dolores try to spend time together doing each other's hair at least once a month.

Pepa gets rainbows over her head when she's REALLY happy

Dolores's favorite sound is running water or the rain

Pepa has bad anxiety.

Dolores wanted a cat when she was much younger but Agustin Is allergic So it would never be allowed to leave her room and she decided that was cruel

Pepa has bad panic attacks where Her vision gets foggy and she struggles to breathe which causes it to rain which makes her panic even more because now she's over stimmed with water touching her skin. (but Felix and Camilo are really good with calming her down)

Dolores gets over stimmed very easily and she gets A lot of stims to compensate, sometimes theyre random things that towns people say often that she hears. others are physical Like her randomly snapping her fingers or crinkling her nose. Note: her squeaks and hms are NOT stims. Just culture.

Pepa also stims from her anxiety her most frequent ones are her smoothing down her braid frantically and "clear skies Pepa clear skies."

Dolores has earplugs that she usually uses for sleeping but she carries them around in her pocket anyway and they are kept in a case that was decorated by 5-year-old Dolores so it's super pink and glittery with ribbon and stickers.

Pepa loves to dance with her husband or her babies! its one her favorite things to do that always put her in a good mood.

Dolores sometimes gets jealous of how much time her brother spends with their mom because Pepa and Camilo do yoga every morning.

Pepa is allergic to strawberries.

and Dolores is allergic to cinnamon.

when Dolores was a baby Pepa refused to put her down for hours at a time because she was so in love with her cute little face and when she had to put her down for nap she would cry almost every time.

Dolores is definitely closer to her papa then her mom. the two of them will sit together and could literally do anything for hours even just sit in silence.

When Pepa was younger and having a bad day, Alma would tell her to walk through the crop fields to get some fresh air.

Dolores really wanted a sister

Pepa also was hoping for a second girl but when she found out she was having a boy she became practically glowing. She had a rainbow over her head for days.

Dolores wanted to name Camilo "feo" when she found out she was in fact getting a brother and not a sister.

Pepa loves white wine, and she's very particular with wine etiquette.

Dolores loves when people play in her hair and scratch her scalp

Pepa she can practically slam back alcohol She has the highest tolerance of the family besides Luisa.

Dolores dropped baby Mirabel twice I never told anyone.

Pepa has always wanted a goldfish but never got one because she was scared it was going to die

Dolores has gets overwhelmed when too many people are around and talking at once. which is why She's never asked for/had a big birthday party since her ceremony

Pepa LOVES to read. She's read every book on her bookshelf at least 10 times

Dolores reads Mariano's poems at night when she can't sleep.

Pepa panics whenever she hasn't seen Bruno in a while scared that he'll leave again but this time actually leave

Dolores has weird nightmares about not being able to hear at all.

Pepa has bad seasonal depression during the winter She completely shuts down sometimes with not enough energy to get out of bed. she'll sometimes forget to eat or get dressed.

Dolores enjoys coloring with her brothers. they'll all group together and just draw, color, and talk

Pepa's first kiss was her husband and Dolores think that it's really sweet.

Dolores practices hair styles on Antonio because they have the same here texture

Pepa really likes cherries but she'll only eat them if they have the stem because she likes to tie them with her tongue when she's nervous.

Dolores used to sit outside and listen to people have debates in everyday life and just pick a side. usually she'd mumble to The people even though they couldn't hear her. ex: "He's clearly right. are you crazy!?" her family has walked in on it multiple times.

Pepa wears cherry chapstick

neither of them can cook very well so sometimes they end up making a mess in the kitchen

The two of them have very healthy relationship so Dolores could always talk to her mom about boys growing up

They both want those words to wear Peppa's wedding dress when she gets married

they hold hands a lot. its a way of seeking comfort without having to make too much contact in case one of them is overstimmed

when they're in public they don't typically plan to but they both end up standing on either side of Felix which makes him look very short.

The two of them love going shopping for pretty dresses together.

they sometimes sit and comfortable silence in Pepa's room while Pepa crochets and Dolores brushes her mamá's hair

[grievedeeply]

hi!! not sure if ur matchups for the quarry are still open but.. might as well try LMAO

i’m okay with male or female characters, romantic is fine <3 i’m 5”2, i go by she/her, pale, and i wear baggy outfits but also some that show off my body. i love philosophy, books, meditation, workouts, i’m a very active person fs

i like to be productive and i’m a realist, i love horror, romance, thrillers, and dramas tbh!! i suck at cooking/baking, i don’t work well under pressure, and i’m wayyy too open. i’m really shy at first but once i get to know someone better i’m a lot more open

i have a yorkshire terrier who just had three puppies and theyre sooo cute LOL i love learning new things which is why i’m learning korean, when i was younger i took classes for latin, and i learned a bit of spanish last yearmy love language is either words of affirmation or quality time 🫶 thank u so much and im so sorry if matchups arent open 😭😭😭

thank you for giving me so much to work with it actually makes this waaay easier! thank you for sending this in!!

i match you with... jacob!

jacob sees you and is immediately like "yep. that's the one!" and he starts talking to you even if you're shy. he tries to help you make friends and gets so happy when you start to open up with him

even if the two of you aren't similar in everything, he's still interested in everything you like. he wants to spend time with you and he cares so much about what you think of him (even before you're together) because he thinks you're cool

he also is awful at baking but he would 100% try to get you to cook something with him. if you give in, it would suck, but he would love the experience anyways

he tells you all the time about how smart you are, how pretty you are, he compliments you 24/7 and he doesn't hold back. he wants you to know how much you mean to him

he hates horror movies but would watch them with you if you wanted to. he definitely curls up next to you and then pretends he isn't scared 

he'll work out with you a lot! he likes being active and he likes it even more when he has someone to do it with

he tries to do those couples yoga poses with you but he sucks at them LMFAO