#or to die immefiately cause if i was dead i wouldnt need to fix any Mistakes or endure the awful torture of a panic qttack
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I'm so stressed I need an off button
#rant#i abolutely wish i was one of the people who like dissassociated when stressed or vomited or something#instead i just get imminently closer to a panic attack#and once i GET the panic attack i get very self harmy and suicidal like actively grabbing objects suicidal#i tell ya what i FEEL tense and i do not want my hands grabbing pans to try and beat me with#i do not wanna go into a panic attack and feel my entire brain screaming to bash myself into walls at full strength#in an illogical attempt to pass out and no longer have to endure the goddamn panic attack#panic attacks feel like a demon actively torturing me and my brain is offline and i only have vague control of my arms and legs a little#and all i want at those points is to either fix Mundane Mistake which launched the pamic attack#(and is unfixable during a panic attack cause rational thought is offline AND i cant breathe anyway)#or to die immefiately cause if i was dead i wouldnt need to fix any Mistakes or endure the awful torture of a panic qttack#i think in a past life maybe i was a fucking warrior or wilderness bitch idk#but for all the logic in the world i have and calm in Actual emergencies#when a little life mistake happens with looming disaster my brain short circuits to panic attaxk and then i have 30% chqnce or#of killing myself#and im NOT happy about it!!!!#i hate panic attacks!!!!#i am my own biggest danger on earth man#nothing tries to kill me as much as my own brain and body
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