#or the way steven repeatedly tries and fails to escape on his own only making it with the support of those he inspired working together to h

[dogcopter]

Do you have thoughts on why the song 'Escapism' played when it did during the show? Other than coinciding with Lion saving watermelon steeb, the song seems a bit irrelevant to whats happening onscreen (or if it exists in that plane of existence to begin with, since the songs playing over everything)

I do have thoughts. TL;DR: I think it’s a thematically appropriate Rose song to cap off the episode because it’s arguably the most impactful Rose onscreen character development ep, and the last piece of the Rose/Steven relationship development. The song starts with Lion choosing to save Steven and bring him home to Greg, and it ends with Connie and Steven in the tower. If it does exist in that plane of existence, idk how to read it specifically, but Steven’s melon adventure is framed as a dream and there are a few ways that could go.

Escapism is Rose’s last big character episode before Change Your Mind, and sets up both Steven and Rose for their final stand against White. Connie and Steven are also trapped in the tower, so like, argument to be made for the music taking place in-universe in the tower with the “dream” of Steven’s astral projection to Earth as frame. I read Escapism (song) as a Rose/Pink Diamond trapped (in a pattern) song just as much as a Stevonnie trapped (in the tower) one. I’ve speculated - assuming she can and does - Rose may have even first learned to astral project while trapped in baby jail as literal escapism from the psychic pain of her awful family, a familiar experience to many fandom denizens on tumblr.com, because this is the story they chose to tell in Escapism.

The last scene of Escapism (and the whole episode really) is Rose breaking a pattern of escapism/avoidance. (I GUESS I HAVE TO FACE) She tries to distract him with the melon society, but Steven is totally focused on his goal. She rescues him and brings him back to Greg before his melon body can die.

(In/out of universe wise: Greg is the one playing the chords here.) Lion’s main character arc comes to fruition after his behavior in the early Lion eps - choice of coming to Greg & showing how she’s put Steven in more danger specifically is the exact flipside of Lion‘s actions in The Return/Full Disclosure, when she merrily ferries Steven off to fight Jasper & co. and then runs away before Greg arrives on the shore after they crash-land.

I guess I have to face/That in this awful place/I shouldn’t show a trace of doubt

In Legs Lion is not pleased about the Diamonds or Steven going to HW. In Escapism the melon dog just wants to avoid the subject. But Steven doesn’t give up, and Lion ultimately helps him with the last leg of his journey. In CYM Steven goes on to confront the diamonds, and Rose finally faces White after thousands of years of learned helplessness and running away - in CYM she stands her ground because she believes in Steven.

It’s Escapism that serves as her real test of character before the climax because she chooses to face Steven and face Greg. imo, facing Greg, even in Lion form, is a bigger deal for her character. Rose avoids White because White abused her and out of probably not a little fear or even fear on friends’ behalf, Rose avoids Greg because she care him and values what he thinks of her. She respects him and not White, world of difference there. Greg offered her unconditional love and was the last person she didn’t feel she had to hide herself from...but that was before he thought she was dead and before they had a son who keeps endangering.

But pulled against the grain/I feel a little pain/That I would rather do without

...that learned helplessness Rose exhibits is explained via the various abuses Steven experiences in Pink Diamond’s shoes during the HW/Diamond Days arc. Of course she kept running away and lacked self-worth! To have been raised in an environment where pain was impossible to escape - to find the only escape is to avoid and run, because you will be mistreated - it’s understandable, it’s more or less what Steven says to Blue in CYM. His parents did fuck up in a lot of their own ways, but an environment where he was shown love made a fundamental difference in his ability to recognize & stick up for his own worth. That in turn empowers Rose to step out of her passive role and stick up for him.

“Against the grain” means to go against one’s natural inclination. Rose is pained by the mortifying ordeal of being trapped, and would rather keep running, but now she has a reason to face that pain. The idiom can also be used to mean going against expectations in a more social sense, so maybe there’s more going on here, but that’s how I read it.

I’d rather be free....free(etc).... /...from here

think that’s pretty self explanatory. Escapism continues to play over the scene of Steven asking for help, and at the end, Steven returns to the tower and wakes up.

Connie has moved since the start of the episode and she’s asleep now, too. The last “from here” takes place on the astral plane as he returns. So as a Rose song, it makes me wonder - this could be about feelings of being trapped in the tower as Pink, it could be about the world/astral plane more generally & Rose/Lion... this ep is all setup for CYM, but like all of SU, it’s other things at the same time too.

AJ Michalka, Stevonnie’s voice performer, sings Escapism. Therefore, if it’s sung in-universe, Stevonnie in the tower is the most likely candidate. But Greg appears to have provided the music on Earth. If it’s being sung in-universe it’s probably by Stevonnie: maybe Connie and Steven fusing in their sleep, maybe Stevonnie as their own person on the astral plane, maybe more metaphor. I also don’t rule out Rose being one of Stevonnie’s fusion components, since she has said she is part of Steven. I don’t think there’s sufficient reason to assume she is, given Stevonnie’s relationship to Lion, though. Maybe all of SU is just a dream, and Stevonnie is simply musing on aspects of their personality or something, and the song relates to the framing device. Who knows!

[starring-movies]

The Haunting of Bly Manor: Episode Analysis

*SPOILERS*

Episode 7 - The Two Faces, Part Two

Episode 7 of The Haunting of Bly Manor is mainly a continuation of Episode 3, which has the same name, as we explore more of Peter and Rebecca’s backstory and a lot more questions also start to get answered.

The episode starts as Dani has been tied up and is coming back into consciousness after Miles (possessed by Peter) hit her over the head at the end of Episode 6. As Peter is trying to set his plan in motion, for him and Rebecca to possess Miles and Flora’s bodies permanently, he suddenly gets thrown into a memory. Unlike Hannah, Rebecca and Flora who ‘dream-hop’ through many of their memories, Peter only ever gets put into one of his memories.

The memory that Peter repeatedly gets pulled into is the memory of a time when his mother came to visit him. Peter’s mother knocks on the door and when Peter lets her in, she tells him “I’m out” and that this time she’s out “forever”, because she says “I suppose they’d say I’m cured”. It’s never explicitly made clear where she’s “out” from, but it’s most likely that she’s been released from a mental institution for her failure to help her son when she knew that her husband was molesting him (which is something that is insinuated later in the episode).

Peter’s mother tells Peter that she needs money from him now that she’s been released and so she blackmails him, saying that she’ll show Henry his “juvenile records”, if he doesn’t give her any money.

The scene then moves to the memory which Rebecca has entered, where we find out that “priceless heirlooms” have been stolen from the manor and that Peter had been embezzling money from Henry. From this it becomes apparent that in Episode 5 when Hannah saw Peter stealing a necklace from Charlotte’s vanity, he was stealing it so that he could sell it and give the money to his other to keep her quiet. It seems that Peter was stealing the “priceless heirlooms”, such as the necklace, to give the money to his mother. However, the “quarter million pounds” that Peter embezzled from Henry most likely really was for the purpose that he said - so that he could run away to make a life in America with Rebecca and free himself from his mother’s blackmailing.

A small little detail; is that after Rebecca finds out that Peter is dead, we see her zoned out in one of Miles and Flora’s lessons. On the desk that Rebecca is sitting behind, there are some word blocks that spell out “redrum”, which is a nod to the 1980’s film ‘The Shining’. Mike Flanagan created The Haunting of Bly Manor and also directed the 2019 sequel to The Shining, Doctor Sleep.

It’s interesting to note that in The Shining “redrum” spells “murder” backwards, and Rebecca ends up being murdered by Peter.

This is not the only reference to The Shining, as there was another one in Episode 1. When we see Dani leaving the hostel which she’s been staying at, as she’s shutting the door behind her, we can see that her room number was 217. In the original book of The Shining by Steven King, the haunted room that Jack Torrance enters is room 217 (but in the movie it’s room 237).

As well as these two instances, there is yet another reference to The Shining, also in Episode 1. When Miles and Flora are locking Dani in the cupboard, we get a shot of them just before the shut the door on her. The shot of Miles and Flora standing side by side with one another evokes the memorable shot of the twins in The Shining.

Rebecca tries to suggest to Peter that they still continue their previous plan to run off to America and tells him that she doesn’t mind if people think that she’s “some batty old witch who talks to thin air”. Peter tells her that they can’t do that because he “can’t leave Bly” and he “can’t get past the end of the drive”, but then he discovers that he can possess Rebecca’s body just like he can with Miles’. The two of them devise a plan where Peter will possess Rebecca’s body and he’ll try to leave while still in her body. They carry out the plan the next morning but as Rebecca runs to the boundary of the grounds, Peter is ejected from her body.

This brings up a question of confusion, as in Episode 9 Dani manages to leave Bly with The Lady in the Lake in partial possession of her body and neither of them were thrown out from Dani’s body. Since Dani is able to leave the grounds, the reason that Peter was pushed out of Rebecca’s body must be because he exited her body himself. As he was about to cross the boundary he probably came to the realisation that if he left while still in Rebecca’s body, then he and Rebecca will never be able to be properly together again and so he pulled himself out so that he could think of another way that they could be together. However it also could be that Dani stopped Viola’s gravity well when she invited Viola into herself (we see all the other ghosts are released when this happens in Episode 9), but this still wouldn’t explain Peter’s oddly quiet reaction when he gets pushed out of Rebecca’s body at the manor’s boundary.

This would also make sense of a lot of a few other things as well. It would make sense of the odd reaction that Peter gives after the failed attempt at escape, when Rebecca says “it didn’t work” - he doesn’t look particularly sad that it didn’t work, even though he was so enthusiastic to finally be able leave and be with Rebecca. It would also make sense of when Older Jamie says that “Peter had not been back to find her, he had left her at the boundary of Bly”. Peter disappears for so long because he’s trying to come up with a different plan for them to be able to be with one another.

After trying to leave the manor in Rebecca’ body doesn’t work, for whatever reason, Peter then comes back to Rebecca with his new plan. Peter explains that when he tries to take possession of Rebecca’s body, neither of them mean to, but he always tries to push her out and she always tries to push him out and so the possession is “temporary”. He tells her that there is a way that they can be together forever and able to touch each other but to do this he says he needs to be given permanent possession of her body and for this to happen she needs to invite him in and give him consent. However when he’s explaining this to Rebecca, Peter doesn’t explain that his grand plan for them to be together means that he’ll take over her body and they’ll only be together by being tucked away in a memory together.

After being given consent from Rebecca to have permanent control over her body, which he gets through the phrase “it’s you, it’s me, it’s us”, Peter carries out his plan. Rebecca gets tucked away “in a memory of them”, and although they are together and can touch one another, this is not what she wanted (nor is this what he really promised to her when he got her to give him her consent) and it’s not ideal for him either as he is now left in Rebecca’s body “here, alone”.

Since Peter is now alone in Rebecca’s body and he doesn’t want to continue to be alone, he decides that he’ll drown her body so that they’ll both become ghosts and they will both be together that way. We see Rebecca (possessed by Peter) crying as she walks into the lake, and then we see Peter crying in bed with Rebecca in the tucked away memory, which is how we know that Peter was in possession of Rebecca’s body when she drowned.

But then as the water starts to enter Rebecca’s body’s lungs, Peter leaves and Rebecca herself is forced back into control of her own body again. We see just what type of a person he is, as he leaves her on her own to feel the pain of the drowning. In a parallel to this, this shows us just how much Rebecca cares for Flora, as in Episode 9 she tells Flora that she’ll take over her body before she’s dragged into the lake and she’ll feel everything for her - a completely selfless action considering that she’s already had to endure the pain once.

Like Peter and Hannah, Rebecca immediately turns into a ghost and we see her mourning her body and the betrayal of her trust, as she stands by the side of the lake and cries. This explains to us why, when Rebecca was possessing Flora’s body, she always walked to the lake - because she sits by the lake and mourns her life.

This is the most prominent example of the love versus possession conversation that Dani and Jamie were having in Episode 3. Peter says that he loves Rebecca, but he displays no true love for her at all, to ask for her complete trust and consent and then to betray her by stealing her life. Peter is acting completely on selfishness and is treating Rebecca like a possession who he manipulate for his own personal benefit. To truly love someone is to want the absolute best for them, even if that comes at your own expense; but when Peter makes this decision he isn’t thinking about Rebecca at all, he’s only thinking about his own desires and loneliness.

After Peter drowns her body, Rebecca returns once more to the memory of when Peter gave her Charlotte’s fur coat. The memory was once a very happy one for Rebecca, but now it’s been tainted by Peter’s selfish actions. Rebecca now sees how Peter manipulated her as she says that “I didn’t agree”, she only agreed to them being together not for him to take her life from her.

Peter suddenly gets pulled back into the only memory that he gets pulled into, the memory of his mother coming to visit him. Peter says that from constantly having to return to this memory he feels “like I’m in hell” and his mother says “well, where else would you go”, stating that there is nowhere else that he could go after what he did to to Rebecca.

Peter then gets released from the memory he was being tucked away in and he returns to the attic, where Miles and Flora are in the process of freeing Dani. Peter stops Miles and Flora from letting Dani go and Rebecca returns from her dream hopping.

To try and convince Miles and Flora to give consent for their bodies to be possessed, Peter says that they’ll be able to go to their “forever house” where they’ll be with their parents forever. The “forever house” is a reference to The Haunting of Hill House where Olivia made blueprints of a “forever home” for the family to live in once they got enough money from flipping Hill House (but when Olivia dies, Hill House becomes the forever home). The “forever house/home” is something that is supposed to symbolise safety and family, however in both Hill House and Bly Manor this isn’t really the case. In Hill house the promise of the “forever home” that Olivia dreamt of was never fulfilled; and in Bly Manor the “forever house” that Peter is talking about is just for Miles and Flora to be permanently tucked away in false memories.

Despite Peter’s manipulation, he does know what love really looks like. He tells Miles that, when he’s tucked away in the “forever house” with his parents, he’ll be “with two people who love you so much, so much. That makes you the luckiest man in the world, the richest person, I wish I could be that rich”. Peter recognises that being in a safe place with two people who love you makes you the “richest person” and was something that he never got to experience himself. Not that this makes his behaviour acceptable, but it may from his childhood where Peter developed a distorted view of love and posession, and so this is why he manipulates others and treats them as his possessions - while Peter is supposed to be the conventional ‘villain’, this fleshing out of his past makes his character much more multifaceted and complex, as well as making his actions much less black and white. This added depth and complication is one of the things that makes Bly Manor and its characters so deeply flawed yet extremely relatable.

When Peter takes permanent possession of Miles’ body, when Miles gets up we can see that his right eye is still blue but his left eye is now brown. This is a sign that the person is no longer completely themselves anymore and we see the same thing happen to Dani’s eyes in Episode 9.

We then see Miles (possessed by Peter) walking with Hannah to the well, to try and get her to come to the realisation that she’s dead. He compares Hannah to the cartoon Wile E. Coyote, who would run off a cliff and just keep going, just as Hannah has died (run off the cliff) but she just keeps going and doesn’t become a proper ghost. Miles explains to Hannah that “when Wile E. Coyote looked down, then he’d fall, only when he looked down”, so he tells Hannah that she also needs to look down in order for her to come to terms with her situation and then she’ll also fall (become a ghost). The looking down that Miles wants Hannah to do is not just an actual looking down the well to see her corpse, but this is also a metaphorical looking down of her seeing the ‘big picture’ and for her to stop being in denial.

Hannah finally looks down the well and sees her corpse. She isn’t interrupted (like when Dani interrupted her doing this in Episode 1), but she’s given a proper moment to take in what she’s seeing, and so she is able to come to process and accept her death - just like Peter got to see and accept his body being dragged away by The Lady in the Lake; and just like Rebecca saw and mourned for her body by the side of the lake.

We then return to Flora and Dani in the attic and we find out that Rebecca only pretended to go along with Peter’s plan and possess Flora’s body. Rebecca tells Flora that “no one should ever need that much help”, showing us that she understands true, selfless love and to ask that much of someone is not caring for them at all. This also relates back to what Peter did to Rebecca, he should have never needed “that much help” from Rebecca as to take her entire life from her.

As well as this, it shows us how much Peter is like his mother. Peter’s mother asked too much of him and, in a way, ended up killing him by blackmailing him for money, which is just as he told her that “I hope you know that, late at night, that you killed your own son”. Peter is just as manipulative as his mother when he persuades Rebecca and Miles to trust him so that he can possess their bodies - needing to ask for “that much help” from a person is not love.

You can read my previous The Haunting of Bly Manor posts here:-

Episode 1 - The Great Good Place

Episode 2 - The Pupil

Episode 3 - The Two Faces, Part One

Episode 4 - The Way It Came

Episode 5 - Altar of the Dead

Episode 6 - The Jolly Corner

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[ryuumarsart]

My Evil!Pink AU. This is an old headcanon, now AU, from around the time "The Trial" came out. It was mostly me ignoring all the signs that Rose was Pink Diamond and shamelessly making Peridot the main character lol. This is centered around my old belief that Yellow Diamond was the one who shattered Pink...but in self-defense. I predicted (correctly) that Pink suffered abuse from the other Diamonds, being constantly put down and punished for her child-like nature. After a long fight for her own colony and to finally have a chance to prove herself, she does get one. And it goes terribly. She initially wants to give the colony a little more freedom to run itself, wanting to distance herself from the other Diamonds. However, the others don't approve of this method and forced her to double down on her control. This led to a growing sense of discontent channeled by one of her own creations, a Rose Quartz who she trusted and has now turned against her. This rebellion is yet another failure by Pink and one that she cannot fix on her own, leading to Yellow . Yellow does not hide her disappointment of Pink and openly chastises her in front of her own court. Blue meanwhile guilt trips Pink and emotionally manipulates her along the lines of "Why do you do this to us?" and "You wanted this. I should have seen that you weren't ready, but you insisted." Being in the middle of a WAR, Pink encounters a large amount of trauma, such as an instance where a fringe group of the rebellion attempted to assassinate her and she started becoming paranoid, expecting an attack at any time. Pink's resentment of others and cynicism grew, especially that of Yellow. She was increasingly violent on the battlefield, even brutally shattering a large fusion (which definitely reminded her of Yellow), contributing to Garnet's view of Pink as a merciless monster. She eventually comes to the conclusion that she wouldn't have to feel so ashamed, feel so fearful if Yellow wasn't there. If Yellow was shattered by the rebellion, they would finally retreat and the other Diamonds would retaliate against the rebellion rather than blaming her. (Some very flawed reasoning but it fits canon Pink's terrible life choices lol) In a similar way as described in The Trial, Pink leads Yellow away from others and attempts to shatter her, but Yellow easily overpowers her and accidentally shatters her. Pink states that "You didn't even hesitate?" showing how convinced she is that Yellow hates her. Yellow feels intense grief and guilt for this, but doesn't want to taint Blue's memory of the precious, young Pink. She places the blame on Rose, who accepts and runs with this narrative for her cause (who may still be morally grey as she witnessed the ordeal and did nothing to stop it). And White is there I guess?? At the time of this headcanon, I thought White was the fusion of Pink, Blue, and Yellow so she doesn't have a big role. Pink goes to the afterlife, which is a gray wasteland (see above) where gems who have unfinished business in the living world wander with holes where their gems would be. If their unfinished business gets resolved, they disappear, moving on. Meanwhile on Earth, everything goes as normal except Lapis has been training Peridot to use her metal powers. I mean, they're both telekinetic powers so they should work similarly. Plus, Lapidot is my heart and soul so I'll take any excuse for them to be closer (it's canon in this AU). Peridot wants to go on missions with the others, but keeps being swept aside due to her physical weakness and inexperience with her powers. However at some point (maybe after the Rubies and them go to the moon??) a group of Homeworld gems come to either as a Jasper rescue team 2.0 or as retribution for stuff Steven does in space. Garnet decides to bring everyone on board to defend Earth, including Peridot and Lapis. I haven't decided what gems actually show up but maybe some more quartz gems?? Either way, the threat is big enough for the team that Garnet seems visibly concerned. They win the fight, but at a cost. Peridot sacrifices herself in battle and is shattered. Having built a friendship with the entire team, her death absolutely wrecks everyone. Steven desperately tries to heal her, but fails. In her grief, Lapis almost shatters the Homeworld gems, but Steven stops her. She falls into a deep depression and refuses to leave the barn, instead spending her days holding onto Peridot's shards. Amethyst confronts Garnet about how this evaded her future vision and why she would bring Peridot if she would die. Garnet snaps and says "If I didn't bring them, it would have been one of us!" Amethyst becomes furious and yells that Peridot is one of them. She and Pearl give her the cold shoulder and refuse to hear her out. (This is mostly because I feel like Garnet never has a moment where she messes up and everyone is mad at her. She's always right and that made her boring to me) Steven later learns that Garnet saw that if she didn't bring Lapis and Peridot, it was almost impossible to win the fight without someone being shattered. However, if they came, there was more of a chance of losing no one, but their lives would be at risk. She had a hard choice to make, and it didn't work out. There would be a whole arc of everyone confronting their grief and comforting each other. In the end, Garnet is forgiven and Lapis decides to move into the temple, becoming closer to main cast. She literally lets go of Peridot, putting her shards with the other bubbled gems. In the last part of the arc, Steven visits Peridot's bubble and recalls how much of an impact she had and tells her to not worry, everyone will be okay. Also, he opens up about his guilt of not being able to bring her back. However, it seems like there are fewer shards and the pieces have gotten bigger. He attributes this to denial and looking for something that isn't there. Nonetheless, he visits again a few days later and realizes that it wasn't denial, the gem is being put back together. Peridot's gem still has large cracks filled in by his healing tears, but it is pretty much healed. He and the other gems pop her bubble, but something goes wrong when she tries to reform. Chunks of her body are missing, most notably half of her face. She can't walk or move as well as before, but everyone is overjoyed to have her back. She is also missing some memories from the cracks in her gem. Lapis is extremely protective of her and will not let her so much as walk without her there. Amethyst, on the other hand, wants to go back to having fun and going on missions. Peridot forces a compromise where she can go out to the barn and the town, but only with escorts. She tests if her metal powers still work by trying to lift a can. Unbeknownst to her at first, she accidentally lifts most of the barn. Her powers are greatly heightened, but to an almost uncontrollable level. Eventually she convinces the other gems to let her on a mission to the strawberry battlefield to retrieve more weapons or something. Upon arriving, she immediately has a terrible seizure, yelling "Please STOP!!" and "Please! One at a time!". She is brought back into the afterlife, where many gems are clamoring for her attention to resolve their unfinished business. After calming down the crowd, she speaks to a gem who was shattered on the battlefield, but whose shards were never found. Peridot awakens and point the gems to the hidden shards, giving peace to the shattered gem. She soon realizes how much of a curse this connection to the afterlife is as she cannot go into a battlefield without tons of gems asking for peace and overwhelming her, or hold a conversation with Pearl or Garnet without them asking about a past loved one. She even learns that Rose did this once before, but the gem she healed was so miserable that she had to keep it bubbled...yayyy. It becomes much worse when Pink finds her. Peridot had been successfully fighting off the other shattered gems trying to control her, but Pink is too strong for her. Pink is able to possess her, using Peridot's body to finally live again, to the horror of the other gems. Pink introduces herself to Steven and the others and claims that she was wrongly killed. After all, she was only doing what the other diamonds were telling her to do. She had to fight against the rebellion. Even if she ruled over the colony and fought in the war, did that mean she deserved to die? Surely the least Steven could do to right his mother's wrongs would to bring her back to life and finally get the diamonds to leave Earth alone. The other gems of course don't trust her and don't want to bring another diamond into the world; even Peridot objects, feeling like there was a reason that the other gems in the afterlife feared her. Pink senses Steven's hesitation and repeatedly takes over Peridot's body, torturing her day by day while insisting that she is only doing what she must to reunite with her family. Peridot insists that he shouldn't do this for her sake and that she doesn't matter; she definitely says at some point that "Some things are better left dead, Steven!!". This isn't enough though as Steven caves in and meets with the diamonds. Pink possesses Peridot to talk with them, verbally torturing Yellow and insisting that she tell Blue "what she did". Yellow deflects and tries to convince Blue not to bring her back, but unable to persuade her without also revealing the truth. Steven heals Pink, but her gem was even more shattered than Peridot's, causing her form to be more mangled and distorted. Also, her powers are much stronger and she doesn't hesitate to fight Yellow. However, she overestimated her ability and the diamonds escape. Pink regains her old armies (including the Jaspers and Rose Quartzes) and tries to turn the other diamond's gems against them. (This is where things get messy as I haven't completely thought them through) Pink isolates Yellow and surprises her, killing her quickly and "not hesitating, just like you". White and Blue try to reason with her, but to no avail. Pink's armies overwhelm them and they are both shattered. Pink declares herself sole ruler of the gem empire, but is stopped as she feels herself losing control. The other diamonds fight her from the afterlife to take over her body and force her to shatter herself. The war is finally over, but the colonies are left to recover with no leaders and the aftermath of Pink's rule. The crystal gems and the rebels throughout the universe have to work to reform gem society and fix the damage the diamonds have done. Or something like that. tl;dr Pink was traumatized by the gem war and tried to kill Yellow, but Yellow shattered her instead. Pink blackmails Steven from the afterlife into bringing her back to life and letting her get revenge by using Peridot, who was shattered and healed. All the diamonds end up dying and the universe is freed from their tyranny.

[venus-is-in-bloom]

[steven universe] the false kind of love: Spinel and the Diamonds

Spinel is involved in four of the Steven Universe movie’s musical numbers. She sings in three of them, and stars in two: Other Friends and Drift Away. But although the last two of those both centre around Spinel as a character, they could hardly be more different in tone.

In the Other Friends sequence, Spinel is fierce, angry, and dangerous; but in the Drift Away sequence, her voice is sad, longing, and helpless. As far as stories go, it’s pretty common for a villain’s tragic backstory to contrast in tone with their present actions—to seem almost at odds with who they seem to be, even as it explains how they got here. But I find this contrast especially remarkable in Spinel, because one of the most important things about her in the movie is the intensity of her anger. Everything she does, and everything people do to her, is because she is angry. And yet in Drift Away, when she talks about the person responsible for hurting her—Pink Diamond—there’s hardly any sign of that anger. It’s only when her story ends that the fire in her voice ignites again.

I think this contradiction holds the key to Spinel’s motivations. Although her fury is depicted as petty and childish—a feeling she only has to learn to suppress, a problem that’s solved as soon as she stops being mad—the story of her life points to something different, something that better explains her anger, and why it seems to define her so completely.

We know that, in Homeworld’s old social system, each Gem was given a particular task, one that was decided for them almost from the moment they were born. If they failed to do as they were supposed to—or did anything against the norms of their role, such as fusing with a different gem, or joining a rebellion—they would be severely punished. This is how it was for Ruby and Sapphire, for Bismuth and Pearl, for Peridot and Jasper. So we can assume that Spinel’s situation was similar—that she was assigned to be Pink Diamond’s best friend and playmate from the moment she came into existence, and wasn’t given the option to change her mind or do anything else.

One might think of this as a privilege. She was born in servitude to a Diamond, and therefore had the fortune of enjoying luxuries such as the Garden. But the task she had been set was tremendously difficult and complicated: despite being created as an entertainer and nothing more, she had the duty of keeping Pink Diamond happy, and being at her beck and call no matter what.

At the time, Pink Diamond was immature, mercurial, and prone to tantrums. Not only that, she was also at odds with her own family, and repeatedly upset by the way they treated her—something no amount of games and frivolity could fix. All this would have made Spinel’s task positively herculean. Her place in Pink Diamond’s life was small, yet she was completely responsible for how Pink Diamond felt. Every shout of anger, every sneer of disgust and contempt, every dismissive wave and sigh of resentment, would have been a mark of Spinel’s failure: not just a blow against her self-esteem, but against her actual value in Homeworld society—a step closer to being worthless, to being cast away.

What’s more, if Pink Diamond’s final cruel act against Spinel is anything to go by, she wasn’t in any way above tormenting and punishing Spinel just for being an annoyance—despite knowing that Spinel’s life depended on her approval.

In short, Spinel’s entire existence, from the moment she was born up until the moment the movie begins, has been about serving Pink Diamond, catering to her whims, and making her happy no matter what.

From what we see of Spinel, she throws herself entirely into her labour. She never frowns, complains, or shows any negative emotion around Pink at all. And when Pink Diamond asks her to stand, very still, in the same spot, until such time as she returns, she does so—perfectly and obediently—for six thousand years.

This is no surprise, of course. In the context of Spinel’s servitude, Pink Diamond’s words to her are not a request but a direct order. Spinel is Pink Diamond’s playmate, and what kind of playmate would she be if she ever said “no” to a game, or broke the rules? To disobey is to violate the contract that governs her life. So she stands there through her weariness, so absolutely still that roots grow around her legs, accumulating dirt, scratches, and chips. She’s not happy! She’s not having fun! Quite the opposite—she’s clearly miserable in her condition, and yet she doesn’t even shake her leg, or wipe the dirt off her shoulder, or sit down. She doesn’t think of herself at all—only whether she’s “doing it right”.

There’s something I strongly believe is relevant: People do not exist to be other people’s servants. And this goes for Gems too—time and time again throughout the series we see the stories of escaped Gems, how they were trapped, unhappy, often fearful in their roles—how as soon as they were given the opportunity, they decided to do something with their lives drastically different from their assigned purpose. It isn’t normal to wait like this, to suffer like this, all for the sake of someone else’s entertainment. Spinel waits for Pink Diamond, suffers for Pink Diamond, thinks only of Pink Diamond, not because she chose it, but because she has no other choice, because she was raised in a society where this is her only purpose and the only way for her to live.

In other words, the relationship between Pink Diamond and Spinel isn’t just a bad friendship between equals. It isn’t even a bad relationship between, say, a worker and her boss. It is, in plain terms, a slaveowner’s cruel treatment of a slave who’s been forced to serve her since she was born.

The movie never quite acknowledges this out loud. Instead it calls Spinel and Pink Diamond “friends”. And yet, this is the obvious interpretation of the narrative that is shown. Throughout Drift Away, the sequence leading up to it, and all that follows, we see that even now, Spinel is still utterly devoted to Pink Diamond. She still doesn’t realise there’s any other way to be. At the climax of the movie, she says to Steven:

“I used to just be not good enough—just not good enough for Pink!”

and

“Why do I wanna hurt you so bad? I’m supposed to be a friend! I just wanna be a friend...”

The first quote shows how Spinel understands her situation—that all the cruelty she has suffered, and all the anger and resentment she feels, is her own fault for not being “good enough” at her task. She believes that the reason Pink Diamond made her suffer isn’t that Pink Diamond was a cruel person who had absolute power over her life, but that she failed in her task, and so she was a failure of a person, and she deserved whatever she got.

The second quote shows that even at this point, the deepest, truest wish Spinel can think of is to get another chance to prove her worth—to serve someone again, to give up all thoughts of her own happiness and devote herself to another person, to maybe, just for a moment, earn a smile or a laugh. It hasn’t occurred to Spinel that freedom is an option, or that she doesn’t have to be anyone’s slave to have worth as a person, or that Pink Diamond did anything wrong to her. She never realises any of this—no one ever tells her.

So together, these two quotes set up the miserable, ironic resolution of Spinel’s character arc.

(Pink Diamond, of course, shows no matching concern for how Spinel feels, nor any indication that she remembers her at all. The movie implies that she may have had access to the Garden warp pad, or at least its communicator, all along from Earth—yet she never returned, and never sent a message.)

It follows from all this, naturally, that Spinel doesn’t want to direct her anger at Pink Diamond, where it truly belongs. Spinel still believes everything that happened is her fault, and that if anything, it’s Pink Diamond who should blame her for being a bad playmate. And yet, Spinel is angry. At the beginning of the movie, when Steven transmits his message, when Spinel finally sees that she never mattered to Pink Diamond—or to anyone else—she reacts with such rage that she breaks out of the fetters that have governed her life (even though, in her worldview, this dooms herself in the process) and heads for Earth, where Pink Diamond went.

It’s important to note that when Spinel shows up for the Other Friends scene, it’s only been a few days, maybe just a few hours, since she left the Garden—since she escaped the abuse, exploitation, isolation, and neglect that has constituted her whole life. At this point, she hasn’t even had a chance to calm down. She’s suffering an emotional crisis of terrible proportions. The fragile remains of her life have been utterly destroyed. She has nothing left in the world. She isn’t in a reasoning state—there is nothing to reason about, since she has nothing and is nothing. All she has is anger, an emotion she’s never allowed herself to feel before. And she doesn’t know what to do with this overwhelming anger—she has no idea how to acknowledge it, validate it, or work through it in a healthy way. Even if she did, this is the moment of her life when she’s most volatile and vulnerable, when it’s hardest to put things in perspective, when she needs help the most. She needs safety, reassurance, and something that can at least point her on the path to healing—and she doesn’t get any of those, in the end.

Because she cannot be angry at Pink Diamond, she instead tries to find something else to blame. The things that replaced her in Pink Diamond’s eyes are first on that list: Steven, the Crystal Gems, the Earth itself. She decides that she wants to hurt them, to damage them as she has been damaged. She cannot say this, but she wants some way to make them care about her.

(There is a scene where Garnet regains her memories, fights off Spinel, and sings the beautiful True Kinda Love. During this scene, Spinel’s reaction to the sight of the Crystal Gems, finally reunited, is one of the most telling in the movie: disbelief, fear, shame. She has spent her life isolated, interacting only with Pink Diamond—this is, perhaps, her first time seeing love between equals, love that makes people happy simply because they get to be with each other. She sees love that is grateful, unconditional, unbreakable, powerful.

This love defeats her. It destroys her. It represents everything that Pink Diamond left her for. She doesn’t think of it—she cannot think of it—as something which she, too, might experience one day, because her entire life has taught her that she isn’t good enough to ever deserve love. In fact, at this very moment, she is an obstacle that true love will sweep aside and shortly forget about. She is unloved, unloveable, and so it makes perfect sense that Pink Diamond would have thrown her away in order to join these people who are full of love. Spinel is worth nothing to them, not even as entertainment. They will never care about her. She’s a thorn in their side, and they just want her gone.

Anger and shame is the only way she can respond—and after her anger dies down, only shame is left.)

Of course, in lashing out like this, it’s very strange that Spinel achieves anything more than fruitlessly flailing at the Gems for a few minutes before running out of steam or getting poofed. Where did she get a mysterious Injector that an Era 2 engineer like Peridot is helpless to power down, and enough poison to kill a planet? How did she beat three seasoned warriors in a fair fight, having never raised a finger against anyone before the moment that fight began? If things hadn’t gone that way, we would probably have a very different movie.

But such is the narrative we’re given—which is unfortunate, because Spinel in the movie is set up as such an enormous threat that it ends up eclipsing the truth of her story, rather than highlighting it. Apart from one or two lines at the end of the Drift Away sequence, everything Steven says is focused on mollifying her, calming her down, and getting her to deescalate so that she won’t destroy the entire planet. Meanwhile, all the other Gems are busy trying to save people from the Injector’s poison—so there’s no room to actually address her problems in the story.

She is a victim of a monstrous system, in desperate need of help and understanding. But she is instead cast as a monster herself. She doesn’t get any attention for being hurt: people only care about her because she might hurt someone else.

Perhaps the greatest injustice to Spinel is that she isn’t given any kind of resolution for her situation. Instead, Steven’s words confirm the harmful beliefs she holds about herself. Her feelings are her own fault, and her suffering is her own fault. The only chance she has to redeem herself is to go back into servitude, to be a playmate and an entertainer, and to carefully soothe, cheer, and cajole people into tolerating her company—knowing that the love she will therefore win is false and conditional: knowing that if she fails, if they ever get tired of her, she will be left in the dust without a second thought, and she will deserve it.

Poetically, her new owners are Diamonds once again. In order to make them laugh, she makes a joke that belittles her own trauma, and stands on her head. Blue Diamond thinks it’s cute. Yellow Diamond thinks it’s hilarious. Neither of them consider her feelings, or what she might have gone through. Once again, she’s no longer a person—just a toy that reminds them of Pink.

This will be the rest of her life.

[viperbranium]

a shrunkyclunks meet-cute

Now that the patreon thing is over, I can finally share the reward fics with the rest of you guys. Have the first one, and thanks again to everyone who supported relena and I <333

As Bucky steps into his favorite coffee shop, Becca walking in right after him, he can’t help but let out a miserable whine.

The place is uncharacteristically busy for a Thursday morning, and the line of people standing between him and his very much needed shot of caffeine seems to be at least twice as long as usual.

He usually doesn’t mind waiting, really. The coffee shop is warm and nice, and the wonderful scent of coffee that fills the air is already enough to get his brain synapses going. Normally he wouldn’t be too bothered by having to spend an extra 15 minutes standing there, just relaxing and enjoying the smell and the sounds of the espresso machines as he watches people come and go.

There’s no relaxing around Becca, though. She’s already been rambling nonstop about who-knows-what all the way from Bucky’s apartment, and really, Bucky loves her, okay? It’s not that he doesn’t care about what Becca has to say. But god, he’s NOT a morning person. He needs coffee before he can do the words-putting-into-sentence-doing, and without it to reboot his brain, all the words coming out of Becca’s mouth just sound like gibberish.

So instead of being able to stand there in a half-comatose state until some wonderful barista places a cup of magical liquid productivity in his hands, he’s being forced to try to make sense of actual words like a full-grown, functional adult.

He’s also failing spectacularly.

He swears to god they’ve been here for 10 minutes already and the goddamn line hasn’t gotten any shorter, when he hears Becca say, “There’s a new Captain America ride in Coney Island.”

“Great,” Bucky deadpans. “I’ve wanted to ride him for a while, now.”

At that, the wall of muscle standing in front of them lets out a choked-out noise and shuffles a bit awkwardly on his feet, like he was about to turn around but managed to stop himself at the last moment. Bucky’s definitely not awake enough to ask the dude if he’s got a problem with his sexuality, though, so he just ignores him.

“Gross,” Becca says, scrunching her nose. “If I end up with trauma cause of the mental image, you’re paying for my therapy.”

“It’s a great mental image.” Bucky shrugs.

“It’s Stark’s doing…” Becca informs him, ignoring Bucky’s comment as she continues to scroll through the article. “He must’ve thought building just an Iron Man ride was too narcissistic even for him, so he’s giving every Avenger one. Oh, man, he’s gonna take your place as Cap’s #1 fan, there’s no way you can top this.”

“Not that I wouldn’t if he was down for it, but hey, as long as he can top me, we’re all good.”

The man in front of them discreetly clears his throat at Bucky’s comment, and Bucky’s brow furrows and he has to purse his lips to stop himself from saying something this time.

“Bucky, ew,” Becca scolds him as someone else leaves with their coffee and they all take another step towards the counter. “You’re my brother. I do not want to think about you two having sex every time Captain America’s on the news, thank you very much.”

It takes everything Bucky is not to comment on how he always wants to think about them having sex whenever Captain America is on the news. Instead, he just says, “Hey, you brought him up.”

“Cause you wouldn’t listen to me unless we talked about your crush!”

The sound, somewhere between outraged and embarrassed, escapes Bucky’s lips before he can stop it.

“I don’t have a crush!”

Becca smiled impishly. “Bucky, you have a crush so massive it can probably be seen from the ISS.”

“I’m a grown man,” Bucky grumbles. “I don’t have crushes.” Becca quirks an eyebrow at him like she’s not convinced, so he goes on. “I want him to nail me into the mattress, which is entirely different.”

“Oh, please,” Becca says. “You call him Steve like a nerd.”

God, Bucky’s really starting to regret this conversation.

“It’s his name,” he argues still. He knows Becca’s thoroughly enjoying poking fun at him and that he’s only spurring her on at this point, but dammit, she always seems to know how to get under his skin. The man in front of them seems to be really engrossed in their conversation too, probably taking lots of issues with everything Bucky’s gay ass is saying, and that’s also getting on Bucky’s nerves.

“You do know most people call him Cap, right?” Becca tells him, crossing her arms and smirking like she just won something.

Bucky lets out a groan and pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s not even sure how the conversation got to this point anymore, but this has got to be the dumbest argument he’s ever had the misfortune to find himself involved in.

“Look, he’s a person, not a military rank. And can we please just drop this?” He tells her.

“Wait!” Becca says excitedly as she grabs Bucky’s arm. Whatever she just thought of, Bucky knows it can’t be good. “Didn’t you write a paper about him in college?”

“Oh god,” Bucky practically whines. He’s more than ready to forgo coffee at this point and just bolt. To turn around and leave before someone recognizes him. But it’s already the turn of the man in front of them, so instead he just turns to face Becca and shoots her his best pleading expression. “Please, shut up,” he begs.

Becca is merciless, though.

““The Phenomenon of Captain America as a queer icon and the widespread reluctance to recognize him as such: How Captain America shaped the modern image of masculinity, and his impact on the generations growing up during the post-war era in the US”,” She recites. Bucky can’t even believe she remembers, the asshole.

“Becca, please! I come here every morning!” And it’s already hard enough to try to pretend his interest is only casual and not borderline obsessive as it is, god fucking dammit.  

Rebecca’s laughing in earnest now. Tears-in-her-eyes, hands-around-her-belly laughing. If Bucky didn’t love her so fucking much, god only knows why, he’d probably strangle her or something.

He’s about to say as much when, all of a sudden, Becca stops.

She’s staring right past Bucky at the now one-man line in front of them, a bit wide-eyed and with a hint of red coloring her cheeks. Bucky follows her gaze, and before he can even ask what’s wrong, he damn near chokes.

Because it turns out the guy Bucky totally assumed was some old dude, based mostly on the khakis and the old-fashioned hairstyle, is actually Steve fucking Rogers himself.

Yep. Bucky just spent the past 20 minutes standing right behind Captain America and repeatedly stating how damn much he wants the guy to fuck him til he can’t walk. Why can’t the ground just open up and swallow him whole when he needs it?

For a few moments, Steve Rogers just stares at him, standing there in all his 6’2” and 240 lbs of 100% American beefcake glory, freshly made cup of coffee forgotten in his hand and the deepest blush Bucky’s ever seen creeping up his neck. It contrasts nicely with Bucky’s own skin, which has completely drained of all color.

Since he’s apparently managed to shock Captain America so much with his raunchy comments that he’s frozen in place, Bucky should probably use this chance to either apologize or bolt, but his own brain keeps refusing to reboot. Then Steve Rogers is clearing his throat and taking a small step forward, and fuck, Bucky’s so, so, soooo dead.

Except Steve Rogers doesn’t look offended in the slightest.

Steve Rogers looks thoroughly embarrassed, yes –and in any other situation Bucky would definitely be focusing on how damn gorgeous he looks with his cheeks flushed that lovely shade of red—, but Bucky could swear it’s also amusement that he’s seeing in those piercing blue eyes.

Steve Rogers stops right in front of Bucky--the corner of his mouth turned slightly upwards and those eyelashes threatening to turn Bucky’s legs into jelly--, holds his hand right up to Bucky’s head, and says, “You must be this tall to ride.”

And then he just… leaves.

Bucky can hear Becca, standing half a step behind him, whispering, “What the fuck!?”, but it’s not until the barista’s trying to get his attention and asking him if he’s going to order, that he manages to kick his brain back into action.

Well. Holy fucking shit.

-

He almost doesn’t return to the coffee shop.

Not because he thinks anyone else besides Becca and STEVE ROGERS witnessed how he made a total fool of himself, or how Captain America, in an unprecedented act of diplomacy considering his history of telling men in charge to go fuck themselves, only teased him a bit for it instead of knocking him flat on his ass. No.

He almost doesn’t return because he’s too fucking ashamed of himself and of the whole thing, and being here where everything took place is only going to help his asshole brain provide him with a full HD rerun of the whole incident. Ugh.

In the end he figures not coming isn’t gonna make him any less mortified, though, and the place does make the best coffee in the area, by far.

Trying his damnedest not to blush and pointedly staring at nothing but his own feet --just in case he was wrong about the no other witnesses thing-- he walks into the coffee shop and heads straight for the counter… only to be stopped by a soft, “Hey!” and a gentle hand tapping on his shoulder.

When he turns, he finds himself once again standing face-to-face with Steven Grant Rogers.

Who’s not sporting quite the same shade of crimson he was yesterday, but still has a beautiful hint of a blush going on, and whose smile is so warm and inviting it makes Bucky’s skin tingle.

Or it would, if the urge to run in the opposite direction and go hide under a rock wasn’t so damn strong.

There’s an awkward moment of silence as Bucky just stands there shell-shocked, staring at him like he hadn’t already embarrassed himself enough, before Steve says, "So, I'm Steve, but I guess you know that already..."

“Yeah, I--” he tries, fumbling for words, but Bucky’s mouth still seems to be refusing to catch up with his brain.

Steve smiles a bit more, seemingly amused. “And you are?” he prompts.

That seems to do the trick. It takes a bit of stumbling over words, but Bucky at last manages to get the words flowing… and then they just won’t stop. “Ja-James. Bucky! I’m Bucky. I mean I’m James but everyone calls me-- oh god I’m so sorry about yesterday, I didn’t know you were-- And my sister wouldn’t shut up, and oh my god, you heard about the paper, that must’ve been so weird, I’m so fucki--ah. I’m so very sorry, I’m--”

“You can say “fucking”!” Steve cuts him off, not unkindly, and laughs “And you don’t have to apologize. Bucky, right?” he asks, holding his hand out for Bucky to shake. Bucky nods, and promptly does so. “It’s nice to meet you, Bucky.”

“I wrote that essay before you were thawed,” Bucky still feels the need to clarify. “I wouldn’t’ve… it must feel so weird to have historians everywhere speculating about your life, I really am sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Steve reassures him, and then blushes a bit before adding, “I, um… I read it. Your paper, I read it last night.”

“You what!?”

Steve shrugs. “The title was intriguing, and... you were surprisingly accurate.”

And god, okay. Bucky really needs to sit down right the fuck now, because Steve Rogers, Captain fucking America, did NOT just say he had read Bucky’s stupid paper, a paper in which Bucky had talked at length about all the ways in which America’s Golden Boy was as rampantly queer as a sparkly unicorn, and said that it had been accurate.

“So, um…” Steve starts when Bucky does nothing but gape at him for 2 whole minutes. “You mentioned coming here every morning, so I thought…” He moves aside a bit and gestures to the table behind him, and to the two cups of coffee placed on it. “Have coffee with me?”

Bucky has to blink three times before he’s convinced this is really happening, and he still wouldn’t scratch the possibility of Steve having kicked his ass so badly the day before that he’s now hallucinating off the list. “You want to have coffee with me? After everything I said?”

Steve smiles again, and Bucky swears to god, every time he does it gets a bit warmer in here. “I want you have coffee with you,” he confirms. “Because of everything you said. I liked it. That thing about the rank in particular, but everything else too. So yeah, I’d like to have coffee with you, and discuss some of the things you mentioned in your paper a bit more, if you’re down for it? Then we can see about the riding thing, maybe,” he finished with a smirk, those gorgeous blue eyes of his crinkling playfully.

Well, hell yeah Bucky was down for it.

[the-tormented-writer]

What Happened To Us

Summary:Unrequited feelings can only go so long unaddressed. Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: little bit of smut. Words: 4,174 A/N- been awhile since I've done a one-shot. Sorry if there's any spelling errors. Your jaws ache from how long you've been clenching your teeth. Sighs and moans release from you periodically yet you still feel empty, and at the moment, the sex you've desperately wanted on a whim was now a fleeting thought that had landed you into your current position. You refused to open your eyes and look upon the person sweating above you, "You're gonna take this dick like a good girl," he whispered roughly turning you over on your unmade sheets while the wind blew through your bedroom curtains, on this cool afternoon. His breath was warm, making you turn away from the side of his face close to yours, flaring your nostrils from the smell of leftovers on his tongue. You refuse to kiss him, you won't. He's not what you want. He muscles flex in his arms and legs. He bit his pink lips, looking over the expanse of your back, smoothing a thumb over your ribs. "I....need.....a break," you huffed between breaths as he pushed into you from the back, as slapping noises of flesh on flesh continue to fill the air. Your tail curled slightly against the base of your spine, throbbing with every thrust into your dampened pussy. With your body deceiving you, you moved your arms forward, leaning back on your elbows to push yourself up, failing when he swiftly grabbed an arm pinning it to your back. Unable to hold yourself up, you fall forward into the mattress, "Cmon, we aren't finished," he spoke sucking a deep welt onto your neck as he continues. It hurts. It's no longer feeling passionate. Like something out of a fairy tale or an romance novel. The pressure, his teeth biting your flesh, the discomfort is a well needed distraction. You shut your eyes, once more. Tighter, so tight if anyone else were to see you it could be mistaken for pain. All you want to want to see is a pair of sky blue eyes staring back at you as deep as an ocean. Instead you'd know, the set of blue watching you was the wrong shade. Steadying your breath, inching your face to the side, trying to shake your hair free from your face you begin seeing white from behind your eyes. "As much as we are enjoying this... " you crack open an eye, adjusting to the light around you, "let's take five ok?" He slows, letting go of you completely. You move your arm around to your side, easing your body up. His member slides out of you with a grumble, sweat and cum stick to your thighs and ass. He takes another glance at your sweat covered back with a sigh, walking around to the other side of the bed. He's clearly annoyed with your games, but he knows he should stay silent. He's still hard, his thick cock glistening from the light cascading in. With a smug look on your face, you pull your fingers through your hair. Clearing your throat and a quick adjustment of your skirt you rub a stray tear threatening to escape the corner of your eye," so Bucky, what do you want to watch tonight?" Life hadn't always been like this. Things had been happy. Well maybe HAPPY is not the correct term.... tolerable? Yes. Everyone knows your story: freak from a circus is recruited by the Avengers. For months you were given a challenging time. What left the other members of your team appalled was life for you. You had always been treated differently like a stranger in your own flesh. Your skin color was different from most, not to mention a long tail protruding from your back end didn't exactly have children lining up on the playground to be your friend when you were young. But, by god- you were smart. So instead of people calling you names to your face, they settled from doing behind closed doors. Your parents tried their best. Truly, they did but only so long could they take the ridicule. So, thinking you were doing them a favor- and yourself, you ran away at sixteen. Once in a while when you're feeling low, and you're alone- your mind wonders if they even looked for you, and for how long? Did they find you one night in the big top? Saw the smile painted on your face and decided it was for the better? That you were better off? Would you have even recognized them? Would you now? When the others, the carny folk, came upon your knack for knowledge they helped you in anyway to attend school wherever you travelled. Still doing tricks and hanging from rafters at twenty three, you felt it as time for a change. A gentleman in a fine suit requested to introduce himself one evening after a show. He looked over you from the brim of his glasses, followed by a red headed woman and a man shoving handfuls of carnival corn into his mouth. Thinking back to the night that changed your life makes to laugh. You were more entreauged by the guy shoving food in his face than what the smooth talker with the shades was offering: Come and work for him- with him, that they need someone with your 'mutation' and acrobatics. You shook your head at first, handing his shiny business card back to him. He removed his glasses as the others gave you mixed signals. The three exchanged glances with each other, and the man you've come to know as Tony chucked, "sweetheart this is a once in a life time opportunity! Are you sure you'd want to so hastily disregard my offer? I mean, I've heard I'm a pretty cool boss," "Mr. Stark, I've been in this business for a long time. If I've got a chance to get out I'm going to do something not involving my tail. I know your kind, you see a pretty face with a flexible body and suddenly with some sweet nothings you wanna come and take me off somewhere, that it?" You crossed your arms over your chest, "I'm more than what I appear to be. Not to boast but I've gone to college and I'm pretty smart. Hell if you were gonna waltz up in here you've gotta be offering me- something.... Life changing." The red head smiled, offering her hand to shake,"Natasha Romanoff. I believe we're going to get along just fine." --------------- And that's how it all began. And boy, were you wrong about Tony Stark. He was a stand up guy, a bit of an asshole but funny nonetheless. Natasha and that guy who was stuffing his face that night- Clint Barton, became your new family. They weren't perfect but what family is? They try which is more than can be said for most. So with tears and help from Mr. Stark, you were moved into the Avengers tower in under a week. And you thought carny life was difficult. The day you officially moved in was also someone else's. He awoke you in the night, making you fall out from your bed. You still weren't use to sleeping on an actual bed, hitting the solid floor knocked you from your dream state. You rubbed your shoulder letting out a small whimper. Another crashing and muffled screaming vibrated through your bedroom walls. You scrambled to your feet unsure if you should wait or check it out for yourself. Biting your nails, you closed the door behind you with a bat in hand. Your tail swung from side to side, as your long socks made soft scratching noises on the hall carpet. Making your way down a few doors you arrived at the ruckus. The entryway doors were wide open and you could hear whispering from inside. Peering around the corner, you saw two men. A blond one was on top of the other, forcing him to the floor. The other was speaking a language you didn't quite understand but remember it from your travels. You didn't know what to do, so you did what any person would do in this situation .... "Now let me get this right Miss Y/n, you came upon Steve appearing to hurt Barnes here and thinking you were helping, ran inside and began to repeatedly hit him with said baseball bat?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Stark-" "Well first, call me Tony. Mr. Stark was my father. Secondly, I must commend you on your weapon of choice-" "Tony-" Steve places his hands on his hips. "That being said, this is kinda my fault. " Bucky huffs, "Isn't it always-" "Hey now, I didn't get a chance to introduce you to the rest of our band of misfits! Steve Rogers." Tony pointed to a battered blond, "and James Barnes." Tony stopped standing beside a tall brunette man. "They live here as well. In fact they recently came back from a mission and Barnes here struggles with, you could say night terrors amongst other things. Steven here was just making sure that he didn't hurt himself in the process." "I'm so sorry," you managed to squeak out in a small voice, "I thought you were hurting him and I didn't know what to do-" "It's fine. He's fine. Cap, Tell her it's fine." "It's nice to meet you. And don't worry about it, I heal pretty quickly you just got me by surprise. You can really swing that bat. " You nervously smile, looking at the other man walk towards them, "Why is she on my floor, Stark?" "Look, Frosty don't get your panties in a twist, it's only temporary-" "You know what I could have done to her?" Bucky steps towards Tony, his fists clenched. "But you didn't-" "Her blood woulda been on your hands," "You totaled the other floor Barnes! where am I suppose to stick her? In the lab?" Tony questions, looking from one man to the other. "You know what I'm capable of!" Bucky yells. "We have safety percautions!" Tony retorts. He turns away from Bucky, opening his mouth to address you. "I've never met her, in my eyes she's a stranger, something I can't-" "Hey, I've said I'm sorry!" You begin, "Just don't argue, not on my account. You're right, I shouldn't have come to your room. I thought you were getting hurt. Again- Steve, is it? I'm so sorry for any pain I caused you," you briskly walk between the three heading towards god knew where. You wanted to get back to your room, move your chair in front of your door and go back to sleep. *look at you making friends already* You thought. Pulling your covers over your head, a soft knock on your door grabbed your attention. You cracked it open, confused why James Barnes was on the other side. "Hey I'm. James... but everyone calls me Bucky." He was rubbing a hand down the arm that looked like it was coated in something. "Well. It's nice to officially meet you. Again I'm-" "No need to apologize I've just had... something's have happened in my life that I'm not proud of. And often I'll have -" "Nightmares?" "Yeah. You could call them that." "Try to stay away from the darkened places of your mind. Dr. Banner reassures me that nothing good comes from them." "Yeah he's good people. He's gonna try and help me with them. I can't really control myself sometimes, so Steve comes and...He helps me. Him and Sam. You'll probably meet him tomorrow. I'm sorry I scared you." "You didn't scare me." "Well if I did I'm sorry." "Oh ok. Well I'm glad you're- for the most part, ok." He stood there for a moment, "So uh.. you have a tail?" "Yeah, and...you have a metal arm. " -------------- That's how you wound up here with your limbs currently tangled with the infamous Bucky Barnes. You awoke, feeling Buckys arm pull you tight into his chest. "Hey, you ok?" "Uh yeah. Trouble sleeping, think I'm gonna go to the kitchen, grab a snack or some tea." "You want company?" "Oh no thanks. I'll be back." You slide on sandals as you softly shut the door behind you. Bucky turns over staring at the ceiling. He's unsure of what's nagging you but too exhausted to be bothered with it tonight. You're walking up more frequently now, spending more and more of your nights wandering around the tower. You tiptoe off the elevator, surprised the kitchen is already partially lit up. Steve has his back to you but hearing the soft ding of the elevator doors he already knew it was you. He smiled to himself, chewed a spoonful of cereal listening to your soft steps approaching him. "You're late." He smirked, picking up his bowl and slurping down the rest of the milk left over from his midnight snack. "Well I don't always plan to stay up to ungodly hours of the night but when I do, I'll make sure I notify you first." Smiling you reach over grabbing the box of cereal. "So, what's eating you?" Steve sits back against the stool, "not sure just can't sleep." He looks for any change in your expression, a wrinkle of your nose, softly nibbling your lip. *stop it* Steve mentally scolds himself, sucking in a sharp breath. "You? Don't tell me, carnival terrors? Fear of falling from one of those top ropes?" Steve chides, dumping his dishes in the sink. He knew he'd hear Natasha grumble about them in the morning. "Hardy har har, no." You roll your eyes, readying a bite, "Honestly? I'm homesick." You take a breath, "I didn't have a lot but what I did have was people that supported me. I just wonder what they're doing now." There was a small silence as Steve mauled over your statement, "You know that's good. I'm glad you had some positive people in your life." He smiled wide. You laugh, "What is it huh?" Taking a thumb you wipe off his milk mustache. He licked over his upper lip looking away blushing. That's all it took- a touch. It was then that Steve felt a spark. Not big but enough that could cause some damage. You both stood there looking at each other. Finally you mutually broke eye contact, Steve got a napkin and you returned to your slightly soggy cereal. "So." Steve begins with a clap of his hands, "What shall we do tonight? I've been playing video games with Barton and I've gotta say I'm improving." "Oh really?" You cock an eyebrow as he returns to his seat now across from you. "Or we can go to the roof, it's nice when you talk about the stars. You're so passionate about the consolations. " You can feel heat rising to your face, "It's sorta chilly tonight...we can do video games? I'm anxious to see how you've improved." Smiling you finish your snack as he stands when you do. He watches you intently and you can feel it. Is it your imagination? But You know when you turn around he'll still have that doppie, innocent grin on his face. You walk around him and he observes your every movement while you begin to push knobs and turn buttons on the Game counsel. "What game should we play... Sonic? Yeah! Like that's even a question!?" You speak out loud, resting on your knees. Lastly you mute the volume. Tossing Steve a controller, it knocks him from his thoughts of undressing you. He rubs his jaw unsure where that thought even came from. You're his friend, practically sister. He tells himself he's got to get more sleep. Laughing you land beside him on the sofa with a flop, "Hope you're better with a controller than that Steve." He smiled again joining in your joyous mood, following the line of your profile. Full of renewed energy and remote in hand, you both begin. You awoke groggy and in bed much to your disappointment. "Good morning," Bucky whispers, fondly looking upon you. For a moment he actually looks sincere. Maybe today there would be no argument between you, a girl can only hope. *oh darling it always ends in a fight. Don't be nieve* ---------- "What has gotten into you Y/n?! Honestly you're like a child!" "Really again with the name calling?!" "Buck I think we should just-" "Steve this is between me and her." "All you have to do hun is tell me things. Keep me in the loop but no you go off and make plans of change, direction and then we've got problems like these!" "Hey I tried to tell you but it's either your way or the highway. You don't even make an attempt to see anything from my point of view." "Oh my god! what is there to see?! We make a plan then we follow the plan. There's no room for improvising. Winging it is what gets you hurt or worse!" "So it's ok for you to do it but not me?" "It's just I'm more experienced in this department." "Says the guy with one arm!" "You know that's not how- just stay out the way and in the shadows like I tell ya." "Actually she can assist Sam.. like, they've been practi-" "Ok dad!" "Y/n! wait, you've been practicing tricks now? Behind my back?! Steve you can't be serious?! you've okayed this?!" "Well Yes. And I'm sure y/n's more than capable or-" "With what I can do, cap thinks it's a good defense maneuver." "So cap thinks this?" "He's captain ya know that's what cap stands for, genius." "What else does the captain think?" "You know I'm not trying to undermine your authority." "What the hell Steve! Undermine his authority?! I'm not his child or a piece of property?!" "Thats- That's not what a meant, I...We." "Just- fuck! Y/n, why do you have to be such a bitch all the time now?!" "Me. A bitch?! Fuck you Bucky! And Steve, really?! And to think I thought you were different." "Y/n, you know I'd never-" "Don't follow her Steve, she goes off and cries or beats the crap out of something and will have forgotten all about it by tonight." "Really Bucky? Today you've been unbelievable." "Ah c'mon Steve, you know y/n, she's... like a wild spirit. She's gotta be tamed-" "Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? The Bucky I know would have never treated a lady like this." "Well the Bucky you knew ain't here no more remember? " "I'm sorry I shouldn't have-" "Right. Tensions are high. I'm going to take a shower before debriefing, if you see y/n... yeah. Just. Tell her I'll be waitin ok?" Bucky knew he'd taken it too far this time. He would need to find a way to apologize for this. Steve nodded slowly with a pensive expression. He exhaled heading towards your favorite spot. His steps were steady as he opted to take the staircase towards the rooftop. He was hoping he could apologize for what he had said earlier. He didn't think like that at all but that's not the thought that drove him up there. You had been on his mind more and more. You've been around the tower for years now and with Bucky for two of them. So why now did your face haunt his dreams and your smile warm to his core? He was bought back to reality when he opened the last door heading to the roof. He smiled weakly seeing you had put a rock to prop the door open. If tony would have seen it, he would have given you a lecture about heating and cooling the rest of the city, even though it wouldn't have even made a dent in his bank account. Steve carefully replaced the rock after stepping onto the rooftop. You turned looking at him, your knees pulled up into your chest. You turn around acknowledging him and then faced back out towards the rising sun. "Let me guess. I'm finally going to hear one of your oh so famous mentor speeches. If so, just push me off the ledge now." He his brow dipped, aproching you cautiously shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "You know, about Bucky, he can be.. you know at times..- "Oh Steve." You face him standing on the ledge stretching out your tail while balancing on your toes. "If your whole lecture is going to be about how Barnes worries about me and this is just his way of showing he cares for me, just turn around and walk your self back to the elevator." Furious after the mission and in haste to get as far away from Bucky as possible, you still dawned your uniform. You loosened the collar removing your gloves meeting Steve's eyes. He was distracted at best, watching the early morning sun rays rest upon the outline of your uniform. "Actually I took the stairs." He turned pointing behind him. "I wanted to talk to you but I needed time to... gather my thoughts, you could say. " He signals you over making you roll your eyes. Huffing you made your way over, stopping mere inches from his face. "So let's have it, What are you in such a rush to say?" "First, I want to apologize for.. I don't mean-what I said, was wrong. That's not what I think or how I think about you and there's no way around it. And Buck well he's just a bit stressed from the mission and worried you'd be hurt and he's right, I should have told him, atleast checked-" "Told him? About me and Sam teaming up? Steve, I'm part of the team aren't I? Besides He's not my father, if you ask something of me I'll do it, without a moments hesitation. Not only as a teammate but also as a friend. I don't need someone's consent!" Steve swallows hard. He was fighting the urge to caress your face, the wind blowing cold making you wrap your arms around yourself. "Y/n- just, could we talk inside? You're going to catch your death out here!" "Oh Cap, I love it when you talk old guy to me," you smirk, "Don't think this distracts me from the topic at hand. Your friend is out of control." His neck became red, why were you flirting with him? Or at least he thought you were. "It's not old guy, why do you even call it that. I-" "Relax Steve I'm just pullin your chain. " He shook off his jacket draping it around you, "Oh yeah. Right." He rubbed your arms over the sleeves. "You know of all people he means well." "So, he sent his trusted cheerleader to glaze over his-" "I wouldn't say I'm his cheerleader though, he doesn't know I'm here. He doesn't know where you run off to at times like these but...since I do, I-" "Took it upon yourself?" You searched his eyes, "You didn't tell him where I go..." You look down biting the corner of your lip, "Steve, why are you really up here?" You whisper soft as your breath made small puffs of smoke appear. Steve stood still, unable to come up with a reason. The expression on his face was breaking your heart. You knew there was something he wasn't telling you. "I'm sorry but. I just want to be left alone. " you turned away, "Look." Steve gripped the edge of the jacket sleeve, he tossed his head back fighting with himself, "The truth is, I hate that you feel this way and I hate how Bucky talks and treats you, and I know you don't need this right now but I-" Before you could blink Steve's lips were on yours. They were soft and warm, the feeling flooded your senses. It's been so long since you've been kissed, really kissed, or even enjoyed it. He's tongue was warm against yours, feeling him explore your mouth. You open your eyes once more just to close them again. Your hands grip the back of Steve's elbows keeping him grounded there. Now about that little voice in the back of our minds, the conscience. That from time to time stops its droning whispering and begins to scream? That was yours now, screaming while every cell in your body felt on fire. You collided together in way that took away all doubt that things could ever go back to being the same. And as time stood still around you as quick as these feelings came when Steve pulled away from you, everything became silent once more. Your eyes shot open, looking around at your surroundings. Steve watches you with wide eyes and his heart pounding from his chest. Your phone vibrates on your hip. You both look down at the phone then each other. Now time was running low and the both of you had nothing but swallowed words and aching heads. This would not end well...

[poetfades2black]

I have a soft spot for time loop movies so I’m gathering a list and documenting which ones I watched.

List of films featuring time loops as a plot device.

👀 = watched

1. Turn Back the Clock (1933)

After marrying for love, tobacconist Joe is hit by a car and wakes up 20 years in the past. He decides to relive his life and marry a wealthy woman instead of his true love.

2. Repeat Performance (1947)

Film noir meets science fiction when a woman shoots her husband on New Year's Eve, 1946, then wishes that she could live the year all over again. Will she make the same choice a second time?

3. Mirror for a Hero (1988)

"Zerkalo dlya geroya" a Soviet Union film by Vladimir Khotinenko. Two heroes circle multiple times in 1949, adapting to the harsh post-war life, meeting the parents of one of them, finally returning to the present time, having reassessed their attitude towards elders.

4. 12:01 PM (1990)

Office worker Barry Thomas is forced to relive the worst day of his life.

5. 12:01 (1993 TV Movie)

This is the first film adaptation of the short story "12:01 PM" by Richard A. Lupoff, which was published in 1973 in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. It originally aired on cable television as part of the Showtime 30-Minute Movie anthology series. It was nominated for an Academy Award.

6. Groundhog Day (1993)

Self-centered television weatherman Phil Connors (Bill Murray) is forced to relive the same day over and over again.

7. Christmas Every Day (1996 TV Movie)

An American television movie based on William Dean Howells's 1892 short story "Christmas Every Day". A selfish teenager is forced to relive the same Christmas every day.

8. Retroactive (1997)

9. Run Lola Run (1998)

A woman needs to obtain 100,000 Deutsche Mark in twenty minutes to save her boyfriend's life—and she gets more than one try.

10. Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas (1999 Video)

Huey, Dewey, and Louie must repeat Christmas Day until they come to learn the true meaning of Christmas.

11. Dead End (2003)

A horror comedy starring Ray Wise and Lin Shaye in which a family seems to relive an eerie night-time drive along a forest road.

12. Primer (2004)

Two engineers accidentally create a device that allows them to travel short periods backwards through time and alter future timelines.

13. Stork Day (2004)

An Italian television star who is filming a documentary in Tenerife relives August 13 over and over. Based on Groundhog Day.

14. Camp Slaughter (2005 Video)

A slasher film in which a group of present-day teenagers are sent back to 1981, and discover a summer camp which is stuck reliving the day a demented killer went on a rampage.

15. Christmas Do-Over (2006 TV Movie)

A remake of Christmas Every Day, a father has to repeat Christmas Day over and over until he realizes how selfish he has become and changes his ways.

16. Deja Vu (2006) 👀

ATF agent Douglas Carlin, who travels back in time in attempts to prevent a domestic terrorist attack that takes place in New Orleans and to save Claire Kuchever, a woman with whom he falls in love.

17. Salvage (2006)

Claire encounters horror and murder after finishing a day working at a convenience store, not once but many times. An official selection of the 2006 Sundance Festival.

18. The Last Day of Summer (2007 TV Movie)

In this Nickelodeon TV movie, 11-year-old Luke gets his wish that every day could be the last day of summer.

19. Timecrimes (2007)

Hector, a middle-aged man, is chased by an unidentified bandaged man. He meets a scientist with a time machine and travels a short period back in time to briefly escape the unknown assailant.

20. Triangle (2009)

A group of friends go on a boat trip and become stranded due to a storm. They discover a cruise ship which causes them to experience a series of repeating events.

21. Repeaters (2010)

A group of inmates at a rehabilitation facility are forced to repeat the same day over and over again.

22. 12 Dates of Christmas (2011 TV Movie)

Kate finds herself reliving Christmas Eve (including a blind date with a man named Miles) over and over again. She must discover how to break the cycle – should she attempt to win back her ex-boyfriend Jack, or should she pursue Miles, or something else?

23. Source Code (2011) 👀

U.S. Army Aviation pilot Captain Colter Stevens repeatedly experiences the last eight minutes of another person's life to identify the bomber in a terrorist attack in order to prevent a second, nuclear attack on Chicago.

24. Looper (2012) 👀

Criminal organizations send victims back in time to be killed by assassins called "loopers". Joe is a looper who learns that his next target will be a future version of himself.

25. Mine Games (2012)

A group of friends vacationing in the woods discover their own corpses and realize they are trapped in a time loop which they attempt to break.

26. About Time (2013) 👀

Romantic comedy-drama film about a young man with the special, but limited, ability to time travel who tries to change his past in order to improve his future.

27. Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie Part III: Rebellion (2013)

Homura Akemi has an ability to travel 30 days back in time and has done so countless of times before the film began. Each month, Homura fails in her attempts to save Madoka Kaname from destruction and is forced to relive the tragedy of losing Madoka.

28. Haunter (2013)

The ghost of a teenager, Lisa Johnson (Abigail Breslin) who, along with her family, keeps reliving the same day (although she is the only one aware of it) tries to protect a young girl, Olivia (Eleanor Zichy) and her family from a dead serial killer, the Pale Man (Stephen McHattie) who can possess the living.

29. Pete's Christmas (2013) 👀

30. Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

Maj. William "Bill" Cage (Tom Cruise) and Special Forces soldier Rita Vrataski (Emily Blunt) team up to fight a hostile alien race known as Mimics, with Cage continually returning to a repeating battle through a time loop.

31. Premature (2014)

32. Project Almanac (2015)

In 2014, 17-year-old high school senior and aspiring inventor David builds a functional time machine after he finds the blueprints of a temporal relocation device his late father had been developing for the United States military.

33. ARQ (2016) 👀

An engineer, whose invention causes time to loop during a home invasion, attempts to save his former lover while learning who has targeted him and why.

34. Doctor Strange (2016)

Superhero Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) uses a spell to trap the demon Dormammu in a time loop until the demon will negotiate with him.

35. Loop (2016)

36. Before I Fall (2017) 👀

A popular high school senior finds herself reliving the same day over and over.

37. See You Yesterday (Netflix) (2019) 👀