#or the latest boundary she made exceedingly clear

[abcwordsurge]

ten bucks says wttt missouri hasn't shut up about chappell roan in weeks

[imagine-pentatonix-blog]

// eternal //

Avi’s P.O.V.

How many years had it been now? I’d lost count. A love like this feels like it transcends the boundaries of time, without a beginning and without an end, simply in a state of constant untouched existence throughout my entire being. I felt it in every organ, running through every vein, travelling through my very bloodstream, hidden in every cell. Many things in life come and go, the good things and the bad. Some things are even exceedingly good, some so extortionately good that you may allow the word perfect to be formed by your lips and roll off your tongue with a certain thought in your mind. If life has taught me anything it’s that, despite these fantastic things that surpass all boundaries and limitations, perfection is not eternal. However with the existence of one major feature in my life, I may beg to differ. If nothing else is certain, this simple statement truly is:

I am completely, undoubtedly, fully and hopelessly in love with Mitch Grassi.

This fact was a clear sky on a crisp, bright winter’s morning. Not a cloud of doubt in sight, the air refreshing and sharp. He would always mock me for these metaphors, his laugh making my very soul catch light. He was the Sun to me. The winter sun. My winter sun.

I know it seems a flawless life, a grand romance alike no other. The unfortunate twist in the plot of my life begins with a U and haunts my every waking moment. Unrequited. My heart aches to see him with him. A friend, at that. I often dwell over the past, regretting everything I never did and everything I never said, ‘If you’d just told him, you could’ve prevented this’, but there’s no use, I can’t change what has already been done. I was present at every part of it, the event that would surely decay my happiness and doom my love.

The marriage.

1) The proposal.

I helped him plan it, every aspect. I found the photographer, I went ring shopping with him. I smiled and I laughed and I cried. Cried for different reasons.

2) The house.

I went to the viewings with them, I helped them choose their dream home. I carried their boxes, I moved their furniture, I hung pictures of them on the walls. Pictures of them, in love.

3) The wedding.

I’m planning it with them, every step. I’m going suit shopping, I’m helping them choose the venue, the colour scheme, the flowers, the rings. ‘I want you to be a part of it’, but do I really want to be a groomsman if I can’t get the starring role? Groom.

‘We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Mitchell Coby Michael Grassi and Scott Richard Hoying’

My head hurts. My heart hurts. I can’t be here. The words keep echoing through my mind, they won’t stop, they won’t go away, why won’t they stop? Please help me. The rehearsal was hard enough. How would I make it through the actual wedding?

Wedding.

The word made me feel sick.

Kevin was helping Scott get ready, myself and Kirstie were assigned to Mitch. He looked glorious. I could hardly breathe with my eyes upon him.

“I can’t do this” I whispered to Kirstie as we stepped over the threshold.

“You’re going to be fine, you’ll have to be” she sighed.

She was the only one who I’d trusted enough to tell, and you could see the sorrow in her eyes as she glanced at me. She knew I was helpless.

“I can’t believe this, I can’t believe how I’ve allowed this to happen” I mumbled, pulling on my suit jacket.

“You couldn’t have prevented it, it’s not your fault” she mumbled in reply, looking up at me sadly.

“I need to tell him, I need to tell him now before it ruins me completely” I said, taking a deep breath in as the nerves kicked in.

“It’s now or never I’m afraid, just please don’t ruin his wedding” she said, stepping out of the way as more people flooded into the room.

“I won’t” I mouthed to her, before smiling upwards as Mitch approached us.

The conversation flew by, my head felt as if it were somewhere else completely. How cruel to have the time fly by in the last minutes in which I felt like he could ever possibly be mine. Of course my hopes and dreams were empty, not likely to occur in the slightest. But I could only imagine that dreaming would get harder after the events of today.

All of a sudden, it was time.

Truly my final moment.

The clock was ticking and my feet were moving.

I was by his side almost immediately, his head turning and his eyes falling on me. Now or never. Now or never.

“Mitch?”

“Yes Avi?”

“There’s something I need to say, it can only be said now, and I need you to promise me that you’ll give it no further thought and it most certainly won’t ruin your day”

“Ok… I promise” Now or never. Now or never. “I’m quite hopelessly in love with you, Mitch Grassi. I denied it for so long, which inevitably turned into too long, because here we are now. I’m going to smile and I’m going to cry and I’m going to try my best to be happy for you. I’ll take your picture and I’ll buy you both an anniversary gift each year and I’ll babysit your future kids and let them call me their uncle and be there at their birthday parties. But I can’t promise that I’ll ever stop loving you. You’re going to have a fantastic new life Mitch, and it starts today.”

Before I could take in the shock on his face, I was out of the door and sat in my seat, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

Time passed, and before long it was in the latest hours of the night or the earliest hours of the morning. We were still all together at the reception, or at least what was left of it. I’d avoided Mitch all night, not allowing my heart the pain of seeing him, not today. He jogged over to me, and everything around me seemed to slow down, the music almost silent alongside the screaming sound of the wedding ring on his finger. He looked up at me, with those eyes. The sad eyes, the sad eyes I received too many times. He pulled me into a hug, it felt empty but full of emotion all at once, a piece of folded paper being slipped into my pocket. He pulled back, giving me one last nod and half smile before turning back to his new husband. I pulled the paper out of my pocket, hesitantly unfolding it like I was unfolding the layers of his heart, and read the words with flew through my chest at a more painful rate than the sharpest blade.

‘I’m sorry.’