#or that I truly liked everything LOLOL I like particular parts

[houseofbrat]

As someone who works in PR I am ASTONISHED at how bad Kensington Palace is at all of this. It’s the most interesting part of the whole thing for me. Well that, and how much it seemingly vindicates H&M and Harry in particular in what he’s said about the firm and the media’s role in protecting the Heir at all costs.

Yeah I work in PR for a public company and anytime we want to put something out we have to run it up the chain - we need legal and Investor relations and executive approvals.

Even if KP and BP had their individual PR teams, which makes sense, there should still be one main central PR office that everyone answers to that manages the entire royal families PR, makes sure schedules and press opportunities and STRATEGY AND MESSAGING all aligns, before running up the chain for final approvals. There’d be a social team and a crisis team and government relations team and a branding team and a general “talent rep” kind of team, all working in tandem to serve the overall strategy for the royal family.

The fact that there are so many cooks in so many different kitchens is why the royal family has had so many PR disasters honestly for decades now. They’re truly doing it all wrong. So many Worst Practices here, not Best Practices.

It really doesn't seem like there is an overall PR team. Just the separate entities

Yeah and that’s the problem IMO. They are a business that should be run like a business. They should have the individual departments I suggested, and even more, working in tandem.

The fact that there are so many separate entities with different agendas and priorities is a huge part of their problem IMO.

But Charles has been transparent for the most part!! And photographed repeatedly. It’s so bizarre when compared to KP, and feels passive aggressive to me to be honest lolol.

They’re really so so so bad at this 😭😭😭😭 but the British public and the media lets them get away with it 🙃🙃🙃

For heaven’s sake. If she’s recovering nicely, why resort to recycling old photos?

Other sources are making a pretty good case for the fact that it’s a November photo, taken after Catherine and the children visited the baby bank.

Does nobody, and I mean nobody, know how to do PR in that place anymore? Now it's pin all of this on just-recovering-from-abdominal-surgery Kate? Why not on William since they were so proud about how he was the one that took the photo? Somehow they keep making everything ten times worse.

I’m sorry, but I don’t believe for a second that Kate personally edited that photo together in such a way that it had to be killed as inauthentic. The pulling of the photo is likely more about the refusal to provide metadata or the raw image for proof rather than silly Photoshop choices. That isn’t an issue of “mummy going wild on the computer,” it’s a larger organizational issue about trust, transparency, and KP’s overall poor approach to news orgs and the press lately.

Why is Kate taking the fall? Why is William such a lout to let an ill Kate put this on her own shoulders rather than admit KP made an error or say KP is going to reevaluate their practices and make a change?

Are college interns running Palace p.r.? Because I cannot understand how they're botching this so badly. If Kate couldn't/wouldn't pose for a legit photo, then just don't release anything. The Royals are basically dumping tankers of gas on the inferno by playing all these games. 

Sorry, am I going insane? After saying they wouldn’t respond to these conspiracy theories, they

a) responded by putting out a doctored image,

b) responded to the backlash of doctored image by claiming the woman recovering from a medical issue was playing around in Photoshop, and

c) responded to the backlash of editing claims by putting out an image where the person in the photo is supposed to be Kate but could LITERALLY BE ANYBODY.

NONE OF YOU ARE FINDING THIS WEIRD? NONE?!

"Kate's Back"

Well, it is indeed a picture of Kate's back

Apparently the main symptom of her mysterious medical condition is that any photo with her in it immediately becomes grainy, blurry, or with people's wrists trying to escape into a fifth dimension.

Good Lord, I haven't followed a disaster story this closely since Oceangate Titan and this one may be even worse. The narrative is out of control and the rules have gone out the window.

They already lost control of the narrative at this point. No matter what they do now, they will be scrutinized more than they've ever been before. And they seem grossly unprepared for it.

She’s not even facing camera, how is this supposed to help? This just feeds the conspiracy theorists! headdesk

It's becoming a PR nightmare that only Olivia Pope can rescue.

Maybe the better question is that people are concerned about Kate's welfare, and most WERE okay with waiting under the timeline KP initially offered that is she will likely return by or after Easter.

However KP has mismanaged the messaging, and with that concern grows over how weird some of the updates are. The article explains why this medical time out is turning into an absolute PR crisis. It isn't so much about Kates right to medical privacy (she definitely deserves that )

It now is about institutional reliability, the heir William's arguably erratic or unusual behavior or his courtiers' comments, the mess with the all kill photoshopped/Frankensteined photo (which has never happened before with a palace released photo), the very different approaches from BP vs KP, etc etc. It's become bigger than Kate sad to say.

And ultimately now people are worried for her, in a way they wouldn't have been, because things have become so irregular and bungled. So the urgency to make sure she is safe and okay has become louder and more insistent.

“CNN is now reviewing all handout photos previously provided by Kensington Palace.”

“In editorial photography, photojournalists and editors commonly adjust a photograph’s exposure or color balance in order to more accurately reflect the scene. Most news organizations, including CNN, regard it as unacceptable to move, change or manipulate the pixels of an image. To do so would alter the reality of the situation the image is intended to document.”

“In the past, the family’s amateur photographs have been well received when posted on social media. But on this occasion, this photo was also released to media organizations as a handout and the palace wasn’t transparent about the fact it had been adjusted.

That will have damaged the trust between the palace and media organizations – many of which, like CNN, will likely be assessing all royal handouts. The editing storm has undermined the existing relationship and when public interest over any possible cover up escalates, as it has done recently, many news outlets will now have take that speculation more seriously.”

[triviareads]

This month was a bit of a hit-or-miss in terms of books I read. I took the opportunity to revisit an old favorite Tiffany Reisz and reread her entire Original Sinners series plus a good chunk of her novellas. I also knocked out a few ARCs (I'm very excited about KJ Charles's upcoming book in particular). I'm hoping July will be a better month, but here are the books I enjoyed the most this June:

Minx by Sophie Lark Holy shit. I don't think I've read a sexier book in a long time and I JUST finished it at 1 am today. Blake is a high-class escort, and Ramses is a billionaire investor who not only wants her, but also wants to be her exclusive client and is willing to go to great lengths to make that happen.

I'm restraining myself from listing every sex act but here are the most pertinent ones: pet play is a big part of this story (if the title is any indication...), there's some really hot exhibitionism, role-playing, the rare period sex (like he fully goes down on her and everything and afterwards, they're shrugging like "we're all animals aren't we?"), and I'm actually surprised to see this again so soon after finishing the Kingmaker series— butt stuff during a blowjob.

The romance was also stellar— I appreciate how unique Ramses and Blake's brand of emotional intimacy is: Intimacy for them is him opening up his trading books to her and her accepting investing advice from him. It's her getting the information he needs to financially fuck over his terrible stepfather. It's when his estranged mom is being The Worst in public so she flashes her pussy at him to buck him up just before he has to deliver an important speech. For two characters who tend to play a lot of power games, this is very gratifying to read. They're wholly unrelatable in the best way— too hot, too rich, too smart— and we're just here along for the ride.

An Island Princess Starts a Scandal by Adriana Herrera Stunning. Gorgeous. Here are my thoughts as I was reading it. Manuela is a Venezuelan heiress who is set to marry as soon as she returns from Paris. So she understandably wants to make the best of her time in Paris. And because of her immediate on Cora, she makes a deal with her: in exchange for a parcel of land Cora needs for the railway project she is heading, she will show Manuela around all the lesbian haunts in the city.

Manuela is such a bright, effervescent heroine. And dare I say a bit of a brat? There was this scene where she purposefully told Cora she'd be at a more *risqué* party and swanned around until Cora stormed in and was like "fetch her and have her brought into my carriage At Once". Cora is a classic older heroine: worldly, confident, a silver fox(!!), and she's guarding herself from loving again. But when these two collide.... fireworks. No other way to put it. I said this when I just finished reading it, but I truly hope this will be a classic historical romance in another decade or two because it has all the beats while providing much needed queer and POC rep within the genre.

Heartless by Elsie Silver Small town romances are very hit-or-miss with me so I don't recommend them lightly lolol. But Heartless was a standout for me among the few Elsie Silver books I tried. Will is a fun, bratty heroine (wow there's a pattern here) who is panties-optional (which is a bigger plot point than you think, and the culmination is very fitting in a very hot way— at least I thought). Cade is a gruff silver fox rancher. Really, what more do you need?

Sidenote: Since a lot of the plot is about Willa nannying Cade's son, I will say, I'm fine with kids in romances as long as they're not weirdly precocious or actively trying to shove the love interests together. Which didn't happen here.

The Chateau by Tiffany Reisz One of the only Original Sinner novellas I hadn't read: What held me back was that the cult in this story is based on the Story of O so... I wasn't too enthusiastic about reading a cult centered around that book. But when I started it, I was surprised to see it really isn't like the Story of O? Apart from the setting and a few other references. Certainly not sadomasochistic to that degree, and it's about male, rather than female submission. It's a fun read. Young Kingsley being unrepentantly horny and having zero limits really comes in handy now that he's a spy (assassin?) assigned to infiltrate this sex cult and get his boss's nephew out. You also see his desire for a family manifesting, but his ultimate (and at this point kinda tragic) devotion is to Søren. Would recommend for anyone who wants to read about male subs.

The Return by Tiffany Reisz Søren and Kingsley return to the sex cult chateau. I'd say The Return is entertaining in a different way from The Chateau; Now that Søren and Kingsley's relationship is more secure (aka Kingsley isn't trying to torture himself about how Soren doesn't love him lol), you really get to see their fun side. And by fun, I mean, Søren being hella bitchy to the women that fucked Kingsley over like 2 decades ago ("only I get to hurt him") and then proceeding to make good on that promise. Anyway, would not recommend having a pissed off sadist and a perpetually down-and-ready Frenchman has houseguests. There will probably be come stains on the rug.

[storge]

Friend, I was about to star Lighter and Princess till I saw the main lead went to jail and sadness arrive to the story that I was like "I'm gonna wait and see how this end".

Honestly I can't take to much sadness on stories, specially if they are long series but I'm more likely to watch it if I know the ending.

I actually want to ask for some recommendations, so a little background of the latest series/dramas I have enjoy it are: "Go Go Squid" (here I skipped the main lead team/friends flashback story), "To Fly With You", "Cherry Magic!", "Bad Buddy" and "I Told Sunset About You" and here are some series I have on my to watch list: "To My Star", "Silent", "Koisenu Futari", "My liberation Notes" and "She Make My Heart Flutter". Thank you in advance and hope you have a nice day!

Hello there! Ohhhhhh Frienddddddddd..... Thank you for thinking of me trulyyyy but i am NOT the person to ask for recs. I am not blessed by the dramagods to be giving out drama recs like others. I believe in no reward without risk when dealing with dramas.

For a little assistance.....All the dramas you said that you have seen have recommendations similar too them, on MDL. You can look and see if you might like the other dramas as well. Most of the ones I saw are goooddttt choices and have happy endings without too much sadness.The dramas on your to-watch list are all great choices and say you should watch them. Silent is still ongoing and sad in regards to storyline so you should wait for that to end. The rest tho have a happy ending (I didnt see MLN of SMMHF so I can't say but i think they do). Based on the dramas you listed, they are most on the more popularish end by drama watchers (no shade they are worth it lolol). You can easily go thru the top list searches and go from there.

If you want to know something specific about a drama you’re thinking of watching I can maybe help (If i have seen it of course). Hope you have a nice rest of the year! 💖💖💖

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

[fukurodanni]

love for the rich and emotionally stunted: a comprehensive guide

ch. 2/7 -- prev. -- next. pairing: jumin han x f!reader warnings: n/a series summary: in the months following the incident with his father's most recent paramour, glam choi, the corporate heir of C&R finds himself discovering exactly what it is that makes a person in love so blind. ao3 link

note: sticking a read more right at the beginning. u kno how it is. thank you for sticking around i'll try my best to keep updates within a week or so!

(weeks prior.)

Jumin Han has entered the chatroom.

Jumin Han

She talked to me today.

ZEN

??

Who?

707

She??

There’s a she?!

Jumin Han

Oh.

I must have neglected to mention it.

ZEN

????

Last time there was a “she”...

Jumin Han

… No.

There’s a woman at my office.

Jaehee Kang

Does she work for you?

Jumin Han

Yes

707

That took an awfully long time for you to type lolol

Are you sure~~

Jumin Han

Yes. She wears a lanyard.

Jaehee Kang

Do you not know her name??

Jumin Han

I should think it would seem impolite after… all that.

Jaehee Kang

???

ZEN

?????

All that WHAT?

Jumin Han

I only caught a glimpse of her lanyard. I don’t know.

ZEN

Dodged my question… T_T

Jaehee Kang

Is this that woman you see in the mornings?

Jumin Han

How did you ....

ZEN

?!?!

707

Is our Jumin finally getting some?!

I’m so proud. Haha T_T

Jumin Han

Getting some… what?

Jaehee Kang

I can look into her.

For research purposes. Of course^^

Jumin Han

;;;

I only just started seeing her this month.

At the door. Seeing her at the door.

707

Seeing her OTL

Maybe she’s your future lover come to save you^^

Jumin Han

I doubt that.

ZEN

Yeah lolol

I doubt it too

And right after the Choi thing?? No way.

707

T_T

Ur right

There’s no way...

-

“Do you play video games, Mr Han?”

That’s a new one. “Where would I find the time?” He asks, thinking of Yoosung. “It’s a useless hobby.”

“That was a quick answer,” you reply. “Who hurt you?”

Jumin raises a brow, inquisitive. “No one.”

“Okay,” you say, the beginnings of a grin playing on your lips. “Who ruined video games for you?”

He thinks of the dark smudges under Yoosung’s eyes, the awful typos and the messages at 3am. It’s only a little funny. The door closes behind them. “No one in particular.”

“You’re smiling, Mr Han. Just a little.” You smile too at this, tilting your head in that curious way of yours. When you reach the lobby and then your separate ways, Jumin spares a glance at you.

He wants to say something more, something lodged very deep in his throat that comes out dry breath. He’s never been too good at small-talk, not with colleagues, not with business outside of work. He wants to be, just a little.

He’s not quite sure how that came to be.

-

It’s beyond embarrassing the way he comes up to you in the cafeteria. “You work here,” he says, a very belated realization.

You blink a few times, as if processing. “Yes,” you say slowly. “I have a lanyard.” You wave the offending item around and Jumin finally, finally catches a glimpse of your name.

“I see,” Jumin says, because that’s all he really can say. “Work hard.”

He consults his phone right away, willing the heat from his face and opening the messenger app. It goes as well as expected when he mentions it so vaguely-- Hyun rags on him for his lack of conversational skills and Yoosung drops a line or two about his own miserable love life. In any case, Assistant Kang’s information on you had only reached him earlier today and in a way he’s still coping. It had been baffling to say the least, finally having everything in front of him rather than scattered in the bits and pieces of your dialogue.

You work, technically, in the same position Assistant Kang does. Only in the fashion department, of which Jumin had strategically ignored after Echo Girl and the Chois. It really isn’t his fault he hadn’t noticed you-- not since before this month when you began arriving so consistently.

“Something on your mind?” Assistant Kang asks, looking up from where she’s shuffling through a stack of papers. It isn’t unusual for her to break the silence with a quip-- she’s always been good at easing into a mode of conversation that takes the edge off. As a good assistant and employee should, of course. Jumin wonders if he should relay this to her.

“Nothing,” he says instead, because surely she already knows. “Is it polite to bring gifts for someone you’re sure you will be seeing every morning?”

She raises a thin brow. “Who-- that woman at the fashion department?”

Jumin deigns not to answer right away, looking down at the state of his nails and the tick of his wristwatch. “Surely there must be some etiquette about that.”

-

Jaehee Kang

Buy her coffee.

ZEN

Get her a promotion lol

707

A new car!!!

Yoosung★

Maybr a nicce pen

??

-

“Any favorite TV shows?” You ask one morning. “Personally, I’m fond of office romances.”

Jumin lags for a moment, waiting to catch up. It isn’t an unusual occurrence. “Is that an innuendo?”

You smile, a little flushed-looking, and wave a hand. “Nope. Not at all.” When you look at the second coffee in his hand, though, it seems you need a second to catch up yourself. You’d mentioned offhandedly how you take your coffee the day before, and today something had stopped him at the threshold of the coffee shop he stops at every morning. Funny how things work like that.

“This is for you,” he says determinedly, and you smile a little but there’s still an edge.

“You dodged my question.” You state simply. Jumin does not know what to say.

He thinks about it for a moment, really thinks about it. The only thing that really comes to mind are the Sunday morning programs, and he doesn’t really know them off the top of his head. Maybe the morning news. “No TV shows. Next question.”

“Okay then,” you say, “Any pet peeves?”

Jumin smiles a little. It isn’t really conscious, but he’s finally figured out a way to respond and he just hopes it takes well. “Women who stop me at the door in the morning.”

“Oh,” you say, taking a sip of your coffee. You hum appreciatively. He feels strangely, indirectly accomplished. “Shame. Mine’s men who give me three word responses when I ask them things.”

He scoffs, although it isn’t as hard as it usually comes out. “I answered that in a sentence.” He says, very assuredly. When he looks back at you there’s a softer smile at your lips, rounded at the corners and not quite so mischievous as he’s seen it look before. It looks fond.

“I know,” you reply. He feels a little warmer now, turning the corner where you two part ways. You offer him a two-fingered salute, a “See you in the morning!” and a final turn.

And then you’re gone.

-

The next time the conversation lingers long past the lobby it’s because you’ve coaxed him into talking about Elizabeth III. There’s a point where you’ve reached the elevator and he’s talking to you about her care routine and the minutiae of what it takes to keep her fur so soft and pristine (much of it is her own work and her natural beauty-- of course) and he’s only barely aware of how long he’s been going on, but he pauses to look at you. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting, between Jaehee’s hesitancy and Luciel’s rabid praise and Hyun’s outright disgust--

But there’s something about the way you’re looking at him when he’s finished, curiouser and half-curved into a smile. And he’s been on the receiving end of that before-- his father’s lovers, interviewers and subordinates-- but none of them have ever seemed so affectionate.

He’s seen the same look before when it’s Jaehee with a new photocard, the way Yoosung danced around Rika. It’s the glint in Luciel’s glasses when he gets to working and it’s something, something.

You look like you’ve seen something beautiful.

Which is understandable to him, really, having just shown you pictures of his Elizabeth III. What he understands less is the way you’re looking at him and not the open phone, caught up in a silence that seems way too heavy for a conversation about his cat. Even when the elevator dings it’s with some trepidation that you leave first, a memory, a discovery pulled taut between you two.

“I hope I get to meet her sometime,” you say.

Jumin nods, wordless. The delight on your face at such a simple gesture fixates itself in the forefront of his mind until he returns home to Elizabeth, flickering like hell and unbidden and unexpected but not exactly unwelcome. It’s just as confusing to him as it sounds on paper.

-

Somehow Jaehee gets to you first.

For all the time he’s spent working with Jaehee, working around her and in her general proximity, he doesn’t actually know what time she gets into the building. She seems like an inevitability, something constant and fixed and always there.

So when he holds the door open for two women, Jumin is feeling like he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to. Especially since the two of you seem to be chatting so jovially, shaking her hand with both of yours when you go to part.

There’s another something clogging his throat, a cloying want and a halfhearted desire to draw that same laugh from you, that same open brightness. He hasn’t let himself feel so much about one person-- one particular and fixed point in his life. Jumin feels like he’s chasing-- some feeling, some unnamed ball of fire-- a meteor, blazing and brilliant and too much to be real.

It’s too much to be compared to anything else, not when Sarah Choi was an unlit match next to what a beaming bonfire you are. Suddenly Jumin feels more tightly wound than he usually does.

And really, truly, it feels like a lot to handle, so he turns on his heel after silently handing you the coffee and begins to march. It feels like karmic debt for not having experienced these things as a schoolboy, and then only once as an adult. He doesn’t even know if the one time counted.

“Mr Han--” you say, and it happens at the same time he holds his breath to turn again. Just to look, to see if you appeared as off kilter as he felt. Maybe the world had rotated wrong today.

You stop there in your tracks and he really does believe for a moment that the world has gone astray-- because then it would explain the way air isn’t getting to his lungs right. He inhales just to make sure and before any other dialogue comes from your lips he asks, “Walk with me?”

You both take the elevator then.

-

Jaehee Kang

She’s a very nice woman.

Yoosung★

Huh?

707

U met her?!?!!

Tell me everything

-

It makes your mornings longer, the introduction of the elevator route. He isn’t sure how it became mutual agreement and routine, the same way the cup of coffee steams in your hands and the way you ask after Elizabeth III. The way the door gets held open.

Jumin isn’t sure how many mornings go by, how many of them are spent dreading the chime of the elevator, but one of them brings a much quieter you. And you’re usually such a whirlwind of life, pulling him toward and towards you-- he’d be lying to himself more than usual if he said he wasn’t worried.

You look like you’re steeling yourself too, and you’ve never done that-- there isn’t a thing you’ve said to him that was measured or prepared. You’re kind of like an overexcited puppy, and he’s never been too fond of dogs.

He feels something slide out of place, something like a realization that’s far grander than he knows, hovering at the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t know what it is yet, not really. He’s barely out of his head, ready to ask if you’re alright--

And you cut him off. Like you did that first morning, knocking the breath from his lungs and everything else out of place. Jumin likes things neat and tidy, likes things where they should be, where he’s used to seeing them. You aren’t too good for him, he thinks.

Then you ask, “Would you want to go out sometime?” And he has no reference materials and no forewarning and no prepared response. The odds are against him.

So against all odds and every simmering nerve in his body he says, “Yes.”

tags: @vandysgf @mrs-han

[andimarquette]

a taste of my latest Clexa AU

hi, friends--

so I’m getting ready to start posting another Clexa AU. This one has Clarke and Lexa as actors in a series that’s...remarkably similar to the loo. But I have a different meta-take. LOLOL Here’s a taste:

Part I

 Chapter TBA

 “Cut!” the director yelled.

“What the hell was that, ladies?” Jeffrey snapped.

Clarke tried to glare at Raven but ended up laughing instead. Bellamy clamped his hand over his mouth, which only made her laugh harder.

“Jesus Christ,” Jeffrey said. “Take twenty, people. If you’re not ready to go after that, I will personally find someone to replace your asses.” The camera crew made sure their equipment was protected in the ongoing light rain while people walked back and forth across the sodden ground.

“You mad, bro?” Raven muttered as she checked her ponytail.

Clarke laughed again. “Oh, my God. I hate this scene. I hate that you’re in it.”

Raven smirked. “I’m hurt, Griff. Truly.”

“And I hate that Jeffrey is such a douche about everything.”

“Same.” Raven stretched. “This brace is a pain in my ass. Or rather, leg.” She glanced over at Jeffrey, who was clearly chewing out one of the camera guys. “He’s been super douchey to Lincoln lately. Hasn’t been giving him as many scenes. It’s like he has some weird hang-up with him all of a sudden.”

“I noticed that. Have you talked to Lincoln?”

Raven shook her head. “He’s pissed, but willing to give it a shot and see if they can work through it.”

Clarke frowned. Everybody had noticed it. Lincoln was a pretty easygoing guy, but if something pissed him off enough, he would say something. She adjusted her jacket as Susan, one of the makeup people, rushed over to check her hair and the fake cuts and grime on her face. The rain was making it a little more difficult than usual and Susan looked like Jeffrey had been riding her ass all day. Lines of stress showed around her eyes and mouth.

“You guys, the apocalypse is so fucking hard,” Raven said, half-whining, which really did start Bellamy to laughing.

“Technically, it’s post-apocalypse,” Octavia said and Clarke almost spit her water out. Susan got out of the way.

“Sorry,” Clarke said. “Tell these asshats to stop making me laugh.”

“Yeah, good luck with that.” Susan touched up one of the fake cuts on her face.

“It’s just one of those days,” Bellamy said with an eyeroll.

“And it gets Jeffrey’s undies all in a wad.” Raven took the water bottle from Clarke even though there were plenty in a nearby cooler.

“Better his than mine.” Clarke smoothed the front of her pants, also marred with grime, only this was real because she’d taken them into the surrounding forest and got them dirty for the scenes they were shooting this week. Jeffrey was uptight ninety percent of the time, which made him difficult to work with.

Right now, though, she was hungry and really tired and mostly wet from a steady, light rain. Good thing it was August and not as cold as it could have been. They’d been working on this particular scene in the forest for hours and Raven finally got super punchy, which meant she started cracking jokes under her breath and flashing Clarke ridiculous expressions. Which just basically created a cascade of hilarity that pissed Jeffrey off even more.

Susan checked Bellamy then Raven and walked over to Octavia.

“So not feeling this whole AI cray Jeffrey is thinking about,” Raven said. “Oh, wait. Am I allowed to say that as an actress in the show that’s doing it?”

“Seems legit,” Bellamy said. “Just keep it on set.”

“Why? He’s hardly ever on set. He clearly doesn’t keep it here.”

Bellamy shrugged and adjusted his belt. “This thing digs into my back,” he muttered.

“How the hell is it even touching your back?” Raven asked. “It’s a belt. Around your waist.”

“It rides up and it’s stiff.”

“That’s what she said,” Raven snarked and this time Clarke did spit water out while Octavia howled with laughter.

Bellamy grinned. “Yeah, well—”

“Stop.” Clarke waved her hand in the air. “Do not say what you are going to say because there is not enough brain bleach in the world to get that image out of my mind.”

“You mean the one already in there?” Raven took the water bottle from her and drank.

She snorted. “I’m going to clear my head. I want to nail this scene like, right now because I’m starving and I need a beer. And if you all pull this off with me, you are all welcome to join me.”

“Done and done. Go get your Zen on.” Raven handed the bottle back. Clarke took it and walked toward one of the RVs parked nearby so she could stand under the awning the crew had extended. A couple of the show’s writers stood talking under it. Kevin was gesticulating with his cigarette but he stopped and gave her a sympathetic smile. ...

--

What do y’all think? This is going to be the behind the scenes meta-look fanfic of the loo show, in case you didn’t figure it out yet. LOL totally fictional, totally what if, but why the hell not? I already rebooted S3 in “Grounded” -- I thought I’d reboot the entire fucking filming of the show! nanner nanner.

Will start posting soon. Y’all take care and plz for the love of all that is holy, fucking MASK UP. Protect yourselves and your loved ones. And if you see some unmasked dickbag coming toward you, do not even have any shame about screaming and running the other way. MUAH.

[trensu]

Episode 50: The One with the Greatest Family Reunion(s) of All Time

so we start the ep with nhs's truly oscar-worthy performance which results in jgy getting stabbed

And i cheer for both the performance AND the stabbing!!!

lxc has his eyes closed bc that's his coping mechanism when times get tough

lol lxc is like I TOLD YOU I WASN'T GONNA HOLD BACK IF YOU DID ONE MORE BAD THING

and jgy is like i know!! that's why i haven't done one more bad thing!!!!

everyone's faces are like sure jan

but then they look at nhs like, wait a minute...

jgy is like why are you looking at him? you're not gonna see anything! i didn't see anything all these years and i'm smarter and sneakier than all of you!!!

okay, he didn't say that last part but it was def implied

jgy: nhs, good for you. i didn't expect that you would be my downfall.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQ--uhhh, NIE HUAISANG!!

nhs hasn't broken character either! He needs to join a theater troupe or smth with those skills.

blah blah lxc and jgy are having Feelings blah blah blah lxc is conflicted blah

hm, those Feelings are becoming rather Dramatique

ugh jgy just let it go and die already

jgy: have I ever done you wrong?

UM?? how about KILLING his little brother's soulmate?

which resulted in him having to watch his little brother suffer extreme physical punishment and then grieve for years after??

PRETTY SURE THAT HURT LXC QUITE A LOT

Jgy: now you won't even give me a chance to live?

I THINK THE FUCK NOT!!!

oh we're getting some not so great special effects and jgy drags lxc to the coffin and then bleeds all over it, gross

ooooh, the Temple of Doom is starting to fall apart

lwj makes a move towards lxc but wwx grabs his arm and stops him!

bc it's dangerous to get too close and wwx is protective of his soulmate!!

jc starts the evacuation bc hello the building is crumbling and he gets everyone out except the lan bros, wwx and jgy

Jgy: stay and die with me

FUCK YOU JGY

but lxc was ready and willing to do that, so jgy shoves him back bc why the hell not

(we're gonna ignore how awkward that particular maneuver was, we already know special effects are not a priority in this show)

Jgy's like lets emotionally torment lxc some more, just for kicks, bc I'm an ASSHOLE

lwj catches his brother and he is Concerned.

Eventually our lan bros and wwx flee the temple and jgy has one last meltdown before getting crushed LIKE THE MAGGOT HE IS

Now we cut to a shot of all our crew standing outside

and we see my bratty son slowly fall to his knees with a look of UTTER SORROW AND PAIN ON HIS FACE

Bc he was BETRAYED by his nice uncle

MY POOR SON!!

we get reaction shots from wwx and the lan bros

(wwx continues to be beautiful even when sad)

oh, now lxc and nhs are having a moment sitting on the steps of the temple

lxc asks nhs if jgy really had made a move

nhs is like, you questioning me is making me doubt everything! idk idk!!

even amidst his grief he takes a moment to be completely exasperated by NHS's catchphrase lolol

now we cut to wwx sitting on a different set of stairs, carefully fiddling with his demon flute and he looks up to see jc watching him and HE SMILES

BC THAT'S HIS LITTLE BROTHER!! 

AND THEY'RE ALL STILL MIRACULOUSLY ALIVE AFTER THAT HOT MESS!!

oooh, he's unwrapping his sleeve and we get a flash of his bare forearm 

how scandalous! you're gonna give lwj vapors, wwx

We see the very last cut on his arm fade away bc finally mxy has been avenged

AND WWX SMILES AGAIN!!

cut to jc and jl watching wwx smile

bc i mean, who wouldn't be captivated by wwx's smile?

PEOPLE YOU CAN'T TRUST, THAT'S WHO

none of the sect leaders before were captivated by that smile AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!!!

oh that smile didn't stick around for long bc we hear barking!!

wwx gets this panicked wide-eyed expression that mAKES ME WANNA HIDE HIM AND PROTECT HIM FROM THE WORLD

But I also don't want to get murdered by LWJ's death glare so I'll just let him hide and protect wwx...

omg my bratty son looks SO HAPPY and shouts "fairy!!" before running towards his doggy friend

i'm not much of a dog person, tbh, but MY BRATTY SON IS SO HAPPY 

and fairy did bring a whole crew of cultivators...

too little too late, some smart spiritual dog he is, lololol

we've got lan disciples, and jiang disciples and all these people swarming around our crew, fussing over them. 

it's kind of sweet except i notice that no one's approached my bratty son 

he is, in fact, ALL ALONE with fairy and i am OFFENDED on his behalf

not that my bratty son seems to mind

he's too wrapped up in his doggy reunion to notice BUT I NOTICED SO I'LL BE OFFENDED ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US

wwx is smiling as he sees lwj and jc being fussed over by their respective disciples

so cute so CUTE, I love his smiles so much

lwj stands up and greets his uncle with a stately bow 

god he's elegant and regal af, how the hell does he do it

but his uncle's a douchebag and barely acknowledges him before turning to leave and lwj watches him go, kind of hurt, kind of surprised

ooooh, now we get a shot of jc watching wwx as he gets questioned by oyzz

Oyzz is like what happened? Are you hurt? Is everyone okay??

and we can see wwx is still smiling!! BC MY BOY IS MADE OF SUNSHINE OKAY

awwwww

jl looks up  with an ADORABLE smile on his face and tells fairy to wait outside 

HE TAKES FAIRY OUTSIDE BC HE KNOWS WWX IS AFRAID OF DOGS!!!

My bratty son is actually very sweet!!

jc starts to leave the scene (and it's only until now that he stops staring at wwx btw) and wwx watches him go 😔

cut to a shot of lwj blatantly staring at wwx as per usual

wwx looks up and meets his gaze 

they get lost in each other for a bit bc when DON'T they?

We’re at the steps of the temple again and we see nhs pick up jgy's crumpled up hat looking all contemplative

oops, nhs's fingers come away from the hat all tacky with blood, yuck

cut to my bratty son running back into the temple where all the cultivators are inspecting stuff and he asks ljy where wwx is

HE'S ASKING AFTER MY SUNSHINE BOY!

Y'know, his not-evil, not-angry uncle? 

ljy tells him that he and hanguang jun left after they brought them lil apple

lol, the idea of ljy and oyzz dragging lil apple along just to return him to wwx cracks me up

jl tells ljy to take care of fairy for him before he dashes off to find his new uncle

BUT JC STOPS HIM?? "don't chase after them"

look at jc being all Cool leaning against that tree

in his fashionable robes

with his awesome sword tucked in the crook of his elbow

jl throws one last glance at the direction wwx and lwj left, and then joins jc under the tree 

jc is like, they're long gone kid

jl: so that's it? you're letting them leave just like that??

jc: what else? invite them to stay for dinner? say thank you and then i am sorry??

lol, he's working himself up into a snit already

But also, like, MY BRATTY SON HAS A GOOD HEART, OKAY??

he just hides it under bluster bc he's sensitive and people are mean to him all the time!

HE WANTED TO CONNECT WITH WWX (AND MAYBE LWJ??) NOW THAT THIS WAS ALL OVER

AND HE WOULD'VE DONE IT IF NOT FOR JC BEING ALL HUNG UP ON HIS ISSUES STILL

not that i hold that against jc, that's a lot of emotional trauma he's gotta work through

LOL JL IS NOT GONNA LET HIMSELF BE COWED BY HIS UNCLE BC WHEN DOES HE EVER?

JL: it was exactly bc of the way you were acting that they took off! you're such a pain in the neck!!

AND THEN HE POUTS AND FALLS INTO A CROUCH WITH HIS ARMS CROSSED AND STARTS SULKING UP A STORM

I LOVE MY BRATTY SON SO MUCH

JC: IS THAT HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SPEAK TO YOUR ELDERS? ARE YOU ASKING TO GET DISCIPLINED??

these two crack me up every time, i swear

but the whole corporal punishment is...problematic

jc raises his arm to smack jl and jl ducks and raises his own arm to block the blow and i'm sitting here like, yikes

but then we get a shot of jc's open palm, out of focus with a crisp backdrop of red leaves from the tree they're under

and his hand is just held there, stilled for just a moment before the fingers start to gently curl inward and the strike never happens (thank god)

jc: lets go home, jin ling. let everyone go back to the place where they belong

he walks off with jin ling springing to his feet and chasing after him a beat later

jl: was there something you wanted to say to wwx?

have i mentioned i love my bratty son? BECAUSE I DO. A LOT.

jc: no, there isn't.

jl: bullshit!

I LOVE HIM!! WHAT A MOUTHY BRAT 💜

JL: i saw it with my own eyes! you wanted to talk to wwx! but you didn't say a word just now or back in the temple!

jc: there is nothing to say

jl: bullshit! you had something to say!

while this entire exchange is happening we see jc marching ahead, not looking at jl at all, but jl is walking backwards eyes pinned to his face the entire time

bc my son might be a brat but he's also pretty observant and he KNOWS his uncle 

AND NOW WE GET A FLASHBACK

WE GET A BIG REVEAL

we're back at “the ones where we gross sob FOREVER”

and wwx is telling jc to stay put at the inn while he goes to get food and meds

his voice all weak and tremulous

but jc steps out of the inn for a moment after wwx leaves

AND SEES THAT THE WEN FLUNKIES CAUGHT SIGHT OF HIS BROTHER!!

they were like three feet away from grabbing his big brother

and he says internally, "take care. i'm leaving jyl in your hands"

AND I'M CRYING BC THEY'RE PLAYING THAT MUSIC

THAT SWEET TENDER MUSIC THEY PLAY WHENEVER JYL AND HER BROTHERS HAVE A MOMENT

Jc goes and causes a distraction and lets himself be caught by the wens

SO THAT HIS BIG BROTHER AND BIG SISTER COULD STAY SAFE

I'M CRYING I'M CRYING

MY YUNMENG SIBS, MY POOR YUNMENG SIBS!! 

WHY DID THEY HAVE TO SUFFER SO?? 

WHY WERE THEY SO DAMN SELF-SACRIFICING??? 

WHY THE HELL COULDN'T THEY LEARN TO COMMUNICATE BETTER???

cut back to the present, and jc's eyes are welled up with tears 

he has a hurt little smile on his face, he says, "take care"

softly, mostly to himself

after a moment, he turns to jin ling and says "lets go"

and we watch them leave

I just want them all to be a BIG HAPPY FAMILY DAMN IT

cut to the next scene, we hear ~THEIR SONG~ start playing in the background all slow and soft

i love the overhead shot we get of them surrounded by the gorgeous foliage, it's so peaceful

As wwx and lwj walk slowly and at ease with lil apple between them 

AND MY HEART FEELS SO TENDER AND FULL OMG

lwj: wei ying

he says it all seriously. wwx looks at him and he's got A BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE 

bc he's looking at his soulmate!!!

who wouldn't smile when looking at their soulmate???

he's cheerfully twirling his flute bc finally all is right in the world! 

the mystery is solved, his loved ones are safe

and he's traveling with lwj and lil apple

nothing could be better!

wwx: whats up?

lwj is pointedly not looking at him

lwj: there is something that I…

and here he stops in his tracks, and wwx stops with him

lwj: i didn't tell you.

wwx gets all playful and leans on lil apple, and waggles his demon flute and lwj

wwx: what is it?

Look at that mischievous grin!!

he's all prepared to tease the heck out of lwj for whatever he's about to say LOL

but they're interrupted!!

wen ning and lan sizhui are running after them and wwx notices

LOLOL

His face scrunches up and he mutters under his breath like, damn it! every time!! these two are fast! 

wwx: sizhui, why are you following us? aren't you afraid of old master lan calling you out?

MY SUNSHINE BOY IS SMILING SO MUCH THIS EPISODE, I'M SO HAPPY!!!

lsz: i have something important to ask you!

he's all out of breath!

wwx turns to look at lwj eyes wide and curious before going back to lsz

wwx: what is it?

lsz goes on to explain how he's been remembering things but he's unsure of stuff so he wanted to ask them about it

wwx looks confused and glances at lwj 

lwj just looks back at him briefly before his eyes flick down

wwx: what is it that you want to know?

lsz looks down and, like, gathers up the strength needed for this next line of questioning. 

with the sweetest smile, and the softest eyes he starts listing stuff

like how he knew a cocky chef who was actually a terrible cook

(wwx laughs confusedly at this)

and how that man planted him in a field and told him he'd grow faster with some watering and sunlight

AND WE GET A FLASHBACK OF LITTLE A-YUAN PLOPPED IN THE DIRT GETTING BURIED BY WWX

he goes on to say how that man would play with him 

and how he had invited hunguang jun for a meal and then didn't pick up the tab so hanguang jun had to pay

There we get a flashback to their meal at the yiling wine house!

we cut back to the present and WWX'S FACE IS STUNNED, EYES WELLING UP WITH TEARS, AND LSZ IS GETTING CHOKED UP AS HE TELLS HIM THINGS

AND WWX'S BREATHING GETS SHAKY 

BC LSZ TELLS HIM HIS SURNAME IS WEN

wwx blinks rapidly, not believing what he's hearing

wwx: wen was your surname? isn't lan your surname?

wwx: lan sizhui, lan yuan.. A-yuan?

AND OH GOD HIS FACE, HIS FACE

His eyebrows are furrowed

His eyes are full of tears!

he's looking at lsz like this has to be a dream bc it's too good to be true

Lsz nods jerkily

AND I'M TRYING TO HOLD BACK TEARS

HOW THE HELL IS LWJ WATCHING THIS ALL GO DOWN WITHOUT CRYING??

he's watching his son so intently

he's seeing his two most precious people reunite

and there are no tears??

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

HE'S VERY OBVIOUSLY MOVED BY THIS BUT NOT CRYING

MEANWHILE MY FACE IS A FREAKING RIVER OF EMOTION

lsz: i...i am a-yuan

and his voice all cracked with feeling

wwx huffs and is still shaky

wwx: didn't a-yuan pass away already?

he's thought his kid was dead this whole time

MY HEART, MY HEART

lwj had been staring at lsz this whole time but when he hears wwx say that, his gaze drops to the ground 

HE FEELS ASHAMED (AS HE SHOULD BE!!) BC HE DIDN'T TELL WWX SOONER

wwx turns to lwj, hope and tentative joy in his voice

wwx: lan zhan, was it you?

lwj meets his gaze and says yes, his voice steady and firm

lwj: this was the thing i haven't told you about

Yeah, i know, i’ve been YELLING AT YOU ABOUT IT THIS WHOLE TIME

and wwx looks back at lsz, breath choppy and lsz flings himself into wwx's arms!!!

I AM SOBBING

lsz: i really missed you, i really missed you

THEY'RE BOTH CRYING AND CLINGING TO EACH OTHER SO HARD

OH GOD I NEED TISSUES

wwx laughs and sniffles

wwx: silly boy, why are you crying?

AS IF YOUR FACE ISN'T STREAMING WITH TEARS, WWX

lsz pulls back and scrubs his face in his sleeve

lsx: i wasn't crying. i was just feeling really sad and yet thrilled at the same time

YOU TWO STOP DENYING YOUR TEARS

IF I HAVE TO SIT IN A PUDDLE OF MY TEARS THEN YOU HAVE TO OWN UP TO YOUR OWN TEARS, YOU HEAR ME??

lsz: i couldn't put it into words

lwj: then don't

pffft, ofc lwj would be the one advocating for LESS WORDS lololol

wwx laughs at that

wwx: that's right. no need to say anything

then he starts his theatrics, bc he wouldn't be wwx without his theatrics

he leans on lil apple and rubs his own shoulder

wwx: damn, you little ones are strong, you are indeed a student of hanguang jun

he looks at lwj and points his demon flute at him

HE'S SO HAPPY

lwj: he is a student of yours as well

omg lwj delivers this line so sincerely

like, there was barely a pause between what wwx and what lwj responded with

he's so freaking earnest

LOL wwx straightens up at that and reaches for lsz

wwx: no wonder he is such a handsome boy!

Wwx, you are SHAMELESS

He giggles as he pats lsz’s face, it’s freaking adorable

lsz: master wei didn't teach me anything!

wow lsz, you've had your other dad back for all of five minutes and you're already sassing him?

he truly is wwx's son lol

wwx: i did! it was bc you were so little and you forgot

You’re sounding a bit defensive there, wwx...

lsz: yes, i seem to recall. i remember now

wwx immediately starts preening

wwx: you see. i've mentored him!

lsz: for example, switching the portrait of a beauty into--

wwx slams his hand over lsz's mouth, HIS FACE IS A PICTURE OF PANIC

LOLOLOL

lwj's eyes have widened slightly and developed an edge of Judgement 

wn peeks at lwj out of the corner of his eyes like he's trying to gauge his reaction or smth lolol

wwx laughs awkwardly and takes his hand off lsz's mouth to shake a finger at him, wearing a tight smile on his face

lsz: and when a pretty lady passes by--

wwx: NONSENSE!!!

LOL I'M  D Y I N G

wwx shouts this at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS to drown out lsz

he whirls on him pointing an accusatory finger and marches towards him as lsz scrambles back

wwx: nonsense! how come you're remembering these kinds of things? how could i teach little kids these things?

LOL HE'S TALKING SO FAST

lsz: you did! wen ning can testify!

wow, way to throw your uncle under the bus, lsz

kids these days have no filial piety!

wwx: there's nothing for wen ning to testify!

OMG WN AND LWJ IN THE BACKGROUND 🤣🤣🤣

as soon as lsz draws attention to him, wn looks at lsz like WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

and lwj side-eyes wen ning SO HARD, like what the hell did you let wwx teach my son?

wwx: stop talking nonsense! i am telling you, little boy. lan zhan, what did you teach him?

AND WE GET THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SHOT OF LWJ HERE

as soon as wwx turns to him with his wild accusations, lwj gets this delightfully crooked smile on his face 

and he looks down as if there's TOO MUCH JOY IN HIS HEART that he can't bear to watch for long

GOD THIS IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE. 

and this marks, what, THE THIRD? the third time lwj smiles in public, all OUT IN THE OPEN?

I'M DYING, I'M DYING

wwx: when a-yuan was little and with me, he was a good boy!

lsz: it's the truth!

wwx: nonsense!

wwx: do you see that pit? no matter how big you've become, i will still plant you into that pit. understand?

lsz has a big grin on his face

wwx: what are you laughing at? you dumb boy!

AND THEN LSZ DROPS TO THE GROUND AND HUGS WWX'S LEG LIKE HE USED TO WHEN HE WAS A TODDLER

AND EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL IN THE WORLD

wwx laughs to himself and lwj still has a small smile playing across his lips as he watches his son

wwx: a-yuan, you are too old for this

AS IF HE'S NOT LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT

wwx: do you remember, you used to grab hanguang jun's leg when you were little, just like this?

so many wonderful flashbacks of little a-yuan clinging to his parents’ legs!!

oh god, oh god, my heart, my heart is going to explode from all the tender feelings!! Look at their faces

wwx's mouth slowly curls into a smile before it grows INTO A FLASH OF HIS SQUINTY-EYED SMILE

you know the one!

the one that stretches SO BIG WITH HAPPINESS IT LIGHTS UP THE WHOLE WORLD?? YEAH, THAT ONE

and then we cut to lwj's face

he has the softest expression on his face

he's got this gentle, tiny smile, the slightest of curves at the corners of his mouth

and in his eyes are SO FULL OF LOVE AND WARMTH as he watches his soulmate smile at him with their son clinging to his soulmate's leg

AND I MUST'VE DIED AND GONE TO THE GOOD PLACE BC THIS IS JUST TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BE REAL

now we cut to a different scene, lwj and lsz are in the background have some sort of father-son chat, while wwx and wn chill in the foreground

here we find out that wn and lsz plan to go back to qishan to build some sort of memorial to their loved ones

wwx: i'll come with you

wn: that won't be necessary

wwx: you don't want me to tag along?

aw, my sunshine boy looks kinda hurt 😔

but wn assures him that that's not the case. it's just that wwx has already done more than enough for them and it's time for wen ning to go out on his own

wwx gets all teary-eyed again and pats him on the shoulder, and agrees that that's for the best

lsz and wn split off, and wwx waves his demon flute cheerfully at them, lwj at his side

wwx turns to lwj with a smile

wwx: lan zhan, lets go! 

he says happily, with confidence, then he taps chenqing on his head a couple of times

wwx: where should we go?

he grins, pulling lil apple along with him, so cheerfully!

wwx: let's get going, lil apple!

but lwj isn't turning with him

he's still in that spot, his back towards wwx who already was forging onto his next adventure

AND MY HEART IS BREAKING

BC WHY HASN'T HE TURNED TO FOLLOW WWX???

wwx slows to a stop as he notices the absence of white robes at his side AND ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING AGAIN

he turns back slowly to look back at lwj, confused

there is too much distance between them!!

TOO MUCH!

multiple yards of distance where there should be NONE!

THERE SHOULD BE NONE DISTANCE!!!!!!

WHY ISN'T THERE NONE DISTANCE??!?!

lwj is still facing away from wwx, he's still rooted to the spot and his face has gone blank

wwx: lan zhan, you...aren't you coming with me?

HE SOUNDS SO CONFUSED, SO TIMID

HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING

and there's a too long pause during which wwx's eyes are desperately pinned to lwj's back

finally, FINALLY, lwj turns ever so slowly to face wwx

wwx is staring at him and lwj can only meet his eyes briefly before they slowly turn downwards

wwx gets this tiny hurt smile on his face and nods as his eyes well with tears again but this time THEY ARE NOT HAPPY TEARS

these are "i knew this was too good to be true" tears

these are "of course i can't keep good, pure lan zhan at my side" tears

these are "this is exactly what i deserve" tears

lwj looks up again, and wwx gives him a nod and a smile bc he doesn't want lwj to feel guilty for leaving him

LEAVING HIM

HE'S LEAVING HIM AGAIN 

WHY 

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

the camera pulls out, really emphasizing the distance and the sudden quiet that falls between them is severely lacking any words of explanation

AND I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY BC WTF WHY

we cut to a truly impressive shot of the cloud recesses, followed by a cut to a waterfall 

I’m pretty sure it's the same waterfall from when they were kids and had that sword fight

and we hear the opening notes of ~Their Song~ played on the flute 

wwx walks into view on the shore of the pond the waterfall goes into, with his flute at his lips

in the background we see that lwj is at the opposite shore closer to the waterfall, sitting cross-legged with his guqin in his lap

AND THEN THEY GIVE US VOCALS

bc watching them play ~THEIR SONG~ TOGETHER BUT AT A DISTANCE WASN'T PAINFUL ENOUGH

and jfc the shots of the waterfalls in this area are freaking gorgeous

now we see them standing together on the same boulder over a smaller waterfall 

bc our boys have an aesthetic 

that aesthetic is moonlight and waterfalls, and they're sticking to it

wwx: lan zhan, tbh, it surprised me that you would take over the role of his excellency

lwj: we made a vow here

and we get a flashback to the lantern scene and hear those vows they made as kids

Back in the present, wwx smiles, and knocks back the jar of wine that he has with him bc the mystery has been solved BUT HIS ALCOHOLISM HASN'T!

and i'm sitting here SCREAMING INTERNALLY, FUCK THOSE VOWS. 

YOU'VE GOT NEW, BETTER VOWS, WHICH ARE NEVER EVER LEAVE EACH OTHER'S SIDES EVER AGAIN, DAMN IT

wwx turns to face lwj

wwx: lan zhan, you truly deserve your title, hanguang jun

and lwj turns to look back at him

lwj: and you too, wei ying

we are BLESSED with wwx's wide, squinty-eyed smile

and lwj graces us with his soft, small, secret smile

they stare at each other for a moment before turning back to gaze off into the distance

the camera pulls back to gift us with the gorgeous scenery that surrounds them

now we cut to them walking down the steps towards that big rock full of ridiculous gusulan rules

nhs is there! with his fan!

nhs: this is unexpected. cloud recesses has added another thousand rules.

wwx: nhs, no matter how many rules are added, there is one that matters most. do you know what it is?

nhs looks so at ease here

this entire time since we got back to the present to watch wwx solve this mystery, nhs was nervous, twitchy and flaky in every scene

but here, he stands straight and serene with a confidence we have not yet seen on him til now

nhs: i have no clue

he says this and it doesn't sound anything like his usual anxious, dopey, "idk idk i really don't know"

nhs: please advise, wwx.

and wwx strides up until he's right next to nhs, shoulder to shoulder, tho they're facing opposite directions

wwx: that would be...

he leans down, and lowers his voice

wwx: "thou shall not befriend the devil"

there has been a distinct lack of background noise or music since this scene started

but the minute those words leave wwx's mouth, we get ominous music. 

nhs keeps his harmless act as he meets wwx's eyes and they share a laugh 

(a laugh of acknowledgement, of recognition of each other's skills)

nhs: wwx, you have the nerve 

wwx: no i wouldn't dare. i'm no match for you.

the words they're exchanging SOUND carefree and easy on the surface, but they definitely carry some underlying tension

nhs notices lwj watching them and bows respectfully

nhs: your excellency

he turns to leave, fan open against his chest

wwx: clan leader nie, i have one question that i would love to get your opinion on.

nhs: go on

wwx: you have put in so much effort and energy, don't you want to be the Excellency?

wwx is gauging nhs's threat level to lwj

bc with the skills nhs has developed and the cover he has, it really wouldn't be all that difficult for him to depose lwj if he wanted, you know?

but nhs has never been the ambitious sort

he was perfectly content with his art, and his fans, and his porn, and being second young master, nothing more (UNTIL FUCKING JGY RUINED IT ALL)

nhs: wwx, it was once said that we can never get tired of these scenes; earth and sky, woods and fields, lakes and rivers, the mountain and the sea

nhs: as for me, i am a sensible man. if i have to, i always do it myself.

nhs: but for the things that aren't my business, i won't meddle in

and i'm not sure if there's something i'm missing, some layer of context or whatever,��

but what i get from this is that nhs is saying everything has its place and he has no desire to go outside of his own place in the world

if the situation calls for it, he will intervene but ONLY if there's no one else willing or able to step in

really, this is just his poetic way of saying, i have no interest in hurting hanguang jun or stealing his power

lwj walks up to join wwx as the two of them watch nhs leave

lwj: aren't you going to ask him?

wwx: ask him what?

wwx: who let mxy out? who released the blade spirit? who found sisi and bicao? and who wrote that anonymous letter?

and he gets this unconcerned expression on his face

with a little pout he just goes on to say that these questions don't matter anymore

and he walks off, twirling his flute

we cut to the next scene and our boys are standing face to face on a grassy hilltop. wwx points behind lwj

Brief aside to say, i love the robes lwj wears here, they’re very very pretty. White and pale blue, they look very airy and light

wwx: i will head that way

and lwj points with bichen behind wwx

lwj: i will head this way

AND THEN THEY JUST STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A BIT

BC THEY DON'T REALLY WANNA SAY GOODBYE, DO THEY?

lwj: have you decided where you are going to go?

wwx shakes his head and tilts his chin up

wwx: it's a big world that we live in. i will wander with my fine wine and a ride, and make it my home

*cries softly* but you have a home, LWJ is your home, why are you leaving

lwj lowers his gaze

probs bc he is thinking the same thing i was

let lwj be your home, wwx

wwx: lan zhan, i will get going

and lwj gives him one single, barely there nod of the head

bc he doesn't want wwx to go!!!

but he doesn't want to hold him back either...

wwx walks past him with a smile, dragging lil apple along with him and cheerfully he says:

"as long as the sea is bound to wash up on the sand and stars are above you, we will meet again."

and lwj just watches him leave before steeling himself to turn and walk off to his wwx-less future 

but as he walks, he hears wwx playing their song on his flute so he pauses to turn back slightly

and we hear wwx’s voice over, "lan zhan, next time we see each other, you better have a name for this song."

as lwj continues walking, we hear his voice over, "way ahead of you."

and he seems slightly less sad at their parting.

AND NOW WE'RE GETTING THE FUCKING VOCALS AGAIN BC THE SHOW JUST LOVES TEARING OUR HEARTS OUT OF OUR CHEST

we get a gorgeous shot of a green cliff side and of course the cliffside has a couple of pretty waterfalls

wwx standing alone, playing on his flute, and the camera is lovingly caressing all of wwx's best features

we get a beautiful close up of wwx's lips resting over the mouthpiece of his flute, aND I THANK EVERY DEITY IN EXISTENCE FOR IT

and it's not immediately apparent bc wwx always wears dark form fitting robes

but the robes he's wearing in this scene are DEFINITELY DIFFERENT from the ones he was wearing when he and lwj parted ways

MEANING SOME TIME HAS PASSED

we have no way of knowing how much time

COULD BE AN HOUR! COULD BE A DAY! COULD BE A COUPLE OF YEARS!!

WE JUST DON'T KNOW

but time has passed

wwx is playing ~Their Song~ alone on that hill, the vocals are like honey to the ears and they crescendo to give us an overwhelming swell of emotion

the music peeters off until it's just wwx's flute reaching the last notes of ~Their Song~

as he is finishing we hear lwj's voice

"Wei Ying."

wwx freezes, like he's wondering if he imagined that voice

the music is completely gone, everything is utterly silent and wwx's face is completely open as he lowers his flute

a smile starts to curl at his mouth, small and tentative and as he turns around, ~Their Song~ crescendos into existence again

and wwx's smile grows incredulous and relieved and SO FULL OF LOVE AND JOY

I DIE, I DIE!

MY BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINE BOY

and we fade to black

bc that's where it ends

That's it

THAT'S ALL THERE IS, WE MADE IT TO THE END!

IT'S OVER, THERE'S NO MORE. MY LIFE NO LONGER HAS MEANING. OMG I JUST BURST INTO TEARS. WHY IS THIS AFFECTING ME SO MUCH

I KNEW THIS WAS COMING. I'VE SEEN THIS THREE OTHER TIMES ALREADY!! OH GOD OH GOD, I MISS WWX'S FACE ALREADY. GIVE ME BACK MY SUNSHINE BOY, LET ME KEEP HIM FOREVER *SOBS*

Hang on, hang on, just give me a minute. *deep breath* Okay, i’m good, i’m good now. 

This show is just...it’s so beautiful in every way except CGI lol and it evokes so many visceral feelings. It’s passionate, is what it is. And not in the sexual way “passionate” has been forced to become. This show is passionate the way passion is supposed to mean: piercing anguish, burning anger, utter devotion...just overwhelming feeling

But most importantly, the passion in this show is intense love:

Platonic love; see how much our main cast gave up to aid their friends and dependents

Familial love; look at the lengths those brothers and sisters went for each other

Romantic love; watch how these two soulmates returned to each other again and again regardless of all the obstacles between them

I honestly can’t think of another show that’s done this so well. I am just so grateful to have been able to watch this show, to have gotten to know these characters even tho it’s raised my standards for future shows to ridiculously high levels

So that’s it! We’ve reached the end of the guide! Now we can go back and re-visit our favorite scenes whenever we want!

Return to Masterpost

[wild-aloof-rebel]

I'm curious when/how/why you started compiling information through such detailed spreadsheets. I'd like to be more like that because I'm sure it'd help me keep track of things a lot easier but I just CANNOT get myself to think in terms of columns and rows and formulas. I'm assuming your brain is just naturally very analytical/systematic, so was this something that just happened organically or did you sort of have to teach yourself? Was it something fostered through school/work?

let me start with the why, which i think is really a three-fold thing...

1) i like making lists. i’ve always been the kind of person who makes to-do lists to keep me on track when i really need to buckle down and work. i make lists of things like my favorite movies for the purpose of being able to compare and rank them. (those bias sorters that were going around for a hot minute and the tiermaker thing that’s been going around more recently? very much my jam.) and the kinds of spreadsheets i make are basically just complicated lists. my fic spreadsheet, for instance, is essentially just a list of every fic, but because of how i decided to track things, it’s also a list of every fic where david and patrick are married, a list of every fic that includes twyla, a list of every fic with fake dating, etc etc etc. it’s like list-ception lolol. lists upon lists, all combined into one easier to use format than having all those things be their own separate lists.

2) my brain always wants to Know All the Things. i am the ringer for my local trivia team for this precise reason. if i decide i want to learn about something, i want to learn everything possible about it. like for sc, i didn’t start out knowing alllllll this stuff about the fashion on the show. someone asked me a question about it once and i went, huh, idk but i’ll go find out. and then that just tumbles over into, okay well now that i know that particular thing, what else can i learn? and eventually i just... learn all of it lolol. i mean obviously not all because where does that even end, but basically my brain is just like, we will not be satisfied until we are an expert in this in some way. and while i do truly remember lots of what i learn (e.g., i can def rattle off who makes like 95% of david’s clothes from memory), a) it takes a while to get there and b) there are some things i don’t care about remembering quite as much (e.g., i’m never gonna truly memorize who makes every pair of shoes alexis has ever worn because i’m just not as invested in that). that’s where the spreadsheets come in. they’re a good reference for things i don’t care enough to remember (or things that are just too impossibly large to memorize, like every fic in the fandom) but still want to be able to easily access, and they’re essentially a study guide for the things i just don’t remember yet.

3) if we’re using a sensory modalities learning model, i’m very much a visual and physical learner, and spreadsheets satisfy both of those modalities for me. they’re basically like a visual map of data, but one that i can also physically manipulate when needed. in a non-spreadsheet example, i decided several years ago that i was gonna learn all the world capitals. to do that i made flash cards and laid them out in an approximation of their place on the world map. then i set about memorizing them through repetition, the same as you would with any flash cards, except that now there was an added visual component to it which becomes part of the learning process. so now when i think something like what is the capital of burkina faso, picturing where burkina faso is on the world map gets me to the capital is ouagadougou. that mental image of where that flash card was helps me recall the information that was on it. and my spreadsheets work largely the same way. i certainly don’t remember every fic on my spreadsheet, but often when i can’t recall an exact title, i do remember things like which sheet it’s on and the general area it’s in on that sheet, which at least helps me find it faster. formatting can help with that too--on some spreadsheets i can picture what color the cell is that’s associated with the data i need, etc.

so that’s the long why of it all. the when and how is basically just i slowly started doing it as an easy way to keep track of simple lists and over time it morphed into the somewhat more complicated lists i now keep. but that’s really still all they are--lists.

yes, there’s sometimes math and formulas involved now, but really those kinds of things only come into it when i want to play with the data that i’ve collected. like okay i’ve got this spreadsheet full of fics; if i then want to look at each author and see how many fics they’ve written of each rating, i can use a pivot table to do that. if i want to know what the average length of a fic in this fandom is, i can use formulas to do that. if i want to color code new additions by word count, i can use conditional formatting to do that. 

i’ve taught myself about those kinds of features over time just because they give me new ways of looking at the data i already have (and pretty much everything i know about using any of that is stuff i’ve just learned by googling it and then the trial and error of applying it). but all of that is really just window dressing laid over a whole lot of lists. 

[bigskydreaming]

Saying that a fictional depiction of a rape is the same as promoting rape is like saying that writing a story about a character being gaybashed is promoting gaybashing. If you have the right to write a story based on your experiences, why don't I? Also, where's the line between depiction and romanticisation? There is none. At all. -- queer survivor who will not let you or anyone silence me.

Literally not something I’ve ever said, so congrats on the reading comprehension and thanks for being the 8,647th person to hop in my inbox or on one of my posts about this subject and attempt to make it about everything EXCEPT for things I actually have said and believe.

And for the record, there is a very clear line between depiction and romanticisation, are you kidding me??? Do you even get how communication works?

A work of fiction that essentially says “here are events that happened,” is a depiction.

A work of fiction that essentially says “here are events that happened, and the way in which they happened is intended to be received as sexy or romantic, as is further evidenced by reader reception in the form of comments about how sexy or romantic that depiction of events that happened was,”

....THAT is romanticization.

I am so, so, soooooooooo endlessly tired of being engaged by people who insist on being willfully dishonest and hypocritical about how much power they perceive fiction as having.

Every other day of the week, fanfic is empowering because it gives literally any of us a platform with which to reach other fans and express our own ideas, storylines and emotions regarding characters we all share an interest in.

But the second THIS conversation comes up, in ANY of its myriad forms, suddenly you’re all like, “ummmmm.....I am just a helpless little author who has never shaped anything I’ve ever written with any kind of specific intent or goal towards how I want the audience to receive or perceive my story?? I wouldn’t even know how to go about doing that? Is that even a thing?”

You all know damn well the difference between a story that depicts rape, pedophilia and incest, and a story that romanticizes/sensationalizes/uses those things as the specific elements that are supposed to result in that story being sexually gratifying to readers who engage with it.

Like, lmfao, I’m not the prude anyone makes me out to be, any more than I’m this evil censor about to go into all your houses and strip you of your ability to write whatever you want. Shockingly, guess what? I’ve written erotica myself! Not about those topics, clearly, but I’ve literally written and sold stories that I wrote with the specific intention of being perceived as erotic, sexy, romantic, etc.....

BECAUSE I, LIKE MOST OTHER WRITERS, KNOWS HOW TO GEAR A STORY IN VARIOUS DIRECTIONS WITHOUT HAVING TO ACTUALLY INCLUDE THE HEADERS “THIS PART IS JUST A DEPICTION” AND “OKAY NOW THIS PART YOU SHOULD THINK IS SEXY.”

LOLOL I’m so fucking tired. Literally the only message I have ever expressed on this subject in all the years I’ve been posting about it, on my own damn blog, in my own damn threads, with people like you always being the one to come and engage ME and still somehow operate under the impression that YOU’RE the ones being silenced here, like I’m the one going around to shut down everything YOU’RE saying every time you even open your mouth on a specific subject.....

Like, did I make that clear enough? Was the irony pointed enough there? Is it maybe sinking in a little, the utter ABSURDITY of people like you streaming into my inbox night after night, week after week, to yell “STOP SILENCING ME, I WILL NOT BE OPPRESSED OR CENSORED BY YOU”.....

When I literally have no idea who most of you are, thus couldn’t silence you even if I WANTED to, which again, is not something I’ve ever even expressed, given that my message on this subject over. And over. And over. And over. AND ALWAYS AND CONSISTENTLY IS:

I am not for censorship. Not only do I hate censorship, I don’t view it as even slightly effective, and at most its like trying to slap a bandaid on top of a wound without any attempt to even examine the injury itself and see how it came to be and what it really needs to be effectively treated.

My viewpoints on this subject have always been about one thing and one thing only: personal accountability.

As in, I advocate for people to just fucking apply a little more awareness to their OWN power, their OWN impact, their OWN platform....even if that platform is only fanfiction on the internet, yes.

Power and impact and influence are all still there, even among fanfic writers, as anyone who’s ever posted or reblogged about the legitimacy of fanfiction as a form of fiction, like, already damn well knows, so its so exasperating seeing that fly right out the window the second anyone asks a fanfic writer to scrutinize their own work to even just make sure THEY THEMSELVES are okay with ALL the potential impacts of whatever it is they’re writing.

Fiction is just language. Language is just a tool for communicating ideas, intents, emotions, experiences and more.

And like literally any other tool in the history of humanity, for this is literally the nature of tools and how they work....

A tool has no inherent ‘goodness’ that makes it IMPOSSIBLE to be wielded in a way that produces harm. It simply exists. And its capacity to help or to harm, to be used in positive ways or negative ways.....depends SOLELY on its wielder and how they apply that tool and to what ends.

Fiction, whether the kind on bookshelves in stores or the kind found only on Ao3....has tremendous power. It communicates new ideas to people who’ve never considered a certain point of view before. It conveys new experiences to people who would never encounter something depicted firsthand in their own day to day lives. It conveys emotions, imbued into the narrative by the author themselves, even if those emotions are not necessarily always what the author thinks they are or intended them to be or not always ones readers truly read into the text versus simply project onto the text themselves. 

But there are an infinite variety of ways in which fiction has power, has impact, can and does reach people. It connects people, linking them via shared experiences or viewpoints or ideas so that a reader seeing themselves represented in what an author is writing can at least say they’re not alone, there’s someone else out there who says or thinks or experiences things similar to them. It can persuade people, exposing them to new viewpoints they’ve never considered before and convincing them of their validity by the arguments written into the text, even if they were never intended that way or the author might not even consciously be aware of making an argument in the text. It can fortify people, reassuring them that a perspective they have on a subject does have validity because here in this story, there’s someone thinking the same things for the same reasons. It can help people heal or even just hold on long enough to heal, by seeing their own tragedies reflected in a fictional mirror that still manages to impart that healing and recovery after something tragic are possible, that there is potentially more good still to come, in a reader’s life just as in a character’s story.

All I have ever expressed, over and over and over, is that its important to always keep sight of the fact that because fiction is just a tool, and not any more infallible than any writer using it to convey their thoughts and ideas and emotions.....

Fiction DOES still have just as much power to harm, too, if wielded irresponsibly. Everything I just detailed above has a flip side. Its a two way street, it can go both ways. Fiction can just as easily connect bigoted people, white supremacists, homophobes, transphobes, etc.....via shared experiences or viewpoints that reflect and empower the perspectives of bigots, etc. It can persuade people to do or think things that aren’t healthy, by exposing them to toxic viewpoints and convincing them of their validity due to a reader being vulnerable to various arguments that are made in bad faith. And no, this does not mean that I’m saying people run out and do what they see depicted or even romanticized in fiction. I’m simply saying fiction holds every capacity to convince people of the validity of something harmful as much as something healing.....it all just depends on how important that particular thing or argument is to their specific lives, how vulnerable or exposed they are to particular arguments, how much weight they give it, etc, etc. There are a ton of factors here. All I’m saying is this IS a factor, its included among those many, many other things. 

Moving on....it can fortify the worst kind of people, reassure them that their prejudices or toxic viewpoint on a subject has validity because a story is seemingly endorsing it without any sign within the narrative that the characters’ perspective on this matter IS flawed, or toxic or unhealthy or prejudiced, rather than just a straight forward and unbiased depiction. And yes, it can hinder personal healing or recovering, by keeping a reader mired in the same kind of thoughts or emotions they’re already currently battling and reinforcing their personal perception that there is no alternative to those things, etc, etc.

None of these are in any way a given, with any given story, any given writer, any given reader. There are tons of variables, as I said.

But also as I’ve said....my only point has always just been that these things EXIST, the potential for these things to happen in this or that way EXISTS, and it is willfully dishonest of fanfic writers and readers to insist on the power of fanfiction to help, to heal, to connect people......while simultaneously trying to absolve themselves of even the need to be CAREFUL with how they wield the power of fiction, because apparently, with fanfiction, its ONLY ever a one way street. Fanfiction NEVER has the power to harm, to reinforce negative or prejudiced perspectives, impart and convince readers of toxic viewpoints and arguments.

How can you pretend that’s not how this works? That saying la la la, I’m JUST a fanfic writer, I only have a couple hundred readers maybe, so by virtue of that, somehow, only good things can result from my writing, there’s noooooooo possible negative impact to any of my work or various ideas I put forth....

Like, that isn’t a thing! LOLOL. That’s not a disclaimer with any power or truth. All it is, is a fandom-spread and perpetuated lie meant to reassure people that here in this space, there is a kind of power that unlike ALL OTHER FORMS OF POWER IN EXISTENCE.....can only ever be a good thing, a positive thing...and thus there is no need for any one in a fandom space, whether writer or reader, to ever have to be on their guard or careful about what they say or believe the way they have to be ‘in the outside world.’ Here, in fandom, you can finally just RELAX, you can just enjoy yourself and have fun and not have to worry about whether you’re doing or saying the wrong thing because none of those things are even a POSSIBILITY here, and anyone who says otherwise is just trying to tarnish our perfect paradise, let the ugliness of the outside world into it via unnecessary and unasked for criticism and scrutiny that isn’t fair to apply here because its not like any of us have any real power, we’re just fans, writing stuff on the internet.

And people are just...DETERMINED not to accept that, or to even LOOK at it as the actual subject being discussed in a lot of these conversations. So you spin everything I and others like me say, turn them into arguments we’ve never actually espoused, warn against the perils of censorship we’ve never actually asked or advocated for, stand tall against the attempts to silence you...THAT HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY EXISTED.

Like....the message that bothers me, the communication that I personally am disturbed by seeing practically everywhere I look in fandom? Yes....its the message conveyed by the mere existence, the sheer volume of fics that depict traumas exactly like mine....but in ways that sexualize them, make them seem more about erotic fantasy rather than the abuses of power that they are in real life. I hate these kinds of stories, and just how damn MUCH of them there are, its true. I’m not denying it, I’ve never denied it. To me, them and all the hundreds and thousands of kudos and comments they receive - even without reading the fics directly, just via a mere AWARENESS that these conversations are taking place, no matter how hard I try to pretend otherwise - to me, the message being conveyed over and over by them is that in the right light, from the right angle, things that happened to me at various points in my life are HOT, are SEXY.....

Like as an example, since apparently it seems I’ve been using my ‘gaybashed’ card too freely and unfairly shutting down conversations like this (lol again, let’s not forget, conversations that I begin, on my own blog, and that not a damn one of you is forced to interact with no matter how hard to play the STOP SILENCING angle when voluntarily approaching ME and trying to shame or guilt ME into not talking so much about this topic, aka SILENCING MEEEEEEEEEE)...

Anyway, all that aside, for this example let me pull from something I don’t talk about as much: the years when I was an escort in my late teens and early twenties, literally getting into bed with much older and extremely predatory men because I needed the money....AND because I was using this in part as a ‘coping mechanism’ to convince myself that sex had no power to hurt me. That thus by doing this I was retroactively taking away my rapes’ ability to harm me in the first place, and thus, I had never really been harmed and was FINE..... Except I was very much NOT okay, I absolutely ended up revictimized and further traumatizing myself because a lot of the people I interacted with at that period of my life were NOT good people and DIDN’T have a care for my best interests or even safety, even while saying and doing all the right things, the sexy things, even the romantic things...

I mean, I’m just saying....I could absolutely, without a doubt, write some of my own life experiences, things that were traumatizing to me and have left lingering scars....I could take some of those and write them in such a way as to have a sexualized or romanticized slant, publish them on Ao3 with names swapped out for some fictional characters and call it an AU.......and I for sure would get comments and kudos about how hot all of that was.

Now, I have no interest in doing that, obviously....but the thing is, I don’t HAVE to. Because those stories already EXIST, even if they don’t exactly match up to my specific experiences and they’re written by people who literally have no idea I even exist, let alone have lived through scenes eerily similar to what they write.

And just like those stories exist....the comments, and the kudos, and the praise and the glorification of these stories, the events depicted within them, the DYNAMICS depicted within them....these already exist as well. And I’m painfully, PAINFULLY aware of that. Every day. Every fandom I’m in. Every fandom I’ve ever been in.

And it SUCKS. I hate knowing that two posts down from some story I’m reading, there’s a story that has people drooling over the exact kind of predator that fucked with me and my head so much back in those years. I hate stumbling into an untagged AU every once in awhile and finding Bruce being depicted as Dick’s sugar daddy, preying on the MUCH younger man that we all normally associate with being his SON.....and knowing from past experience that if I click on the comments, almost without a doubt, judging by the 22 comments on one chapter alone, I’ll find enough swooning over how HOT and ROMANTIC this is, that it will most likely make me violently ill for the rest of the night. Because I so INTIMATELY know that there is NOTHING safe or healthy or not fucking traumatizing about that kind of dynamic with a person who is SUPPOSED to be safe and trustworthy to be around.......and I’m reminded all over again, just like I have been at SO MANY points in my life....how many people just don’t want to HEAR this, because they prefer their fantasy over the reality I know firsthand....BUT NONE OF THAT MAKES MY REALITY ANY LESS REAL OR LIVED THROUGH.

The thing so many of you don’t get is....none of this is even about whether I read these stories or not, none of it is about whether all of them get tagged properly or not....hell, none of it is actually about whether the people writing these fics are actually pedophiles or ‘endorsing’ these things or anything like that....I NEVER ARGUE ANY OF THAT, BECAUSE NONE OF IT IS THE POINT.

The point is just....the sheer bombardment of a singular message across so many fandoms, so many pairings, from so many people....

With that message being, to a very wide audience....with the right character in the right scenario....the things that for various people like myself and other survivors who DON’T like being surrounded by all this either, whether or not there are many survivors who for whatever reason DO find themselves okay with it... 

(And considering our existence and arguments don’t invalidate your acceptance of these things, why do you so confidently tout the idea that YOUR existence and arguments should somehow innately just make all of this less objectionable to us? Just curious.)

The point is, no matter who is writing these stories or why, whether they ACTUALLY endorse these things or would never in a million years find them acceptable in real life (and again, why are you so confident that this is true for EVERYONE who writes these things, and by extension, why the FUCK do you presume its okay to expect all survivors to just give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt as to why they’re writing these stories, when some of them are virtually indistinguishable from the kinds of things someone who DID find these things hot and sexy to enact on others in real life, would write themselves)....

Like.....none of that matters. Because none of that in any way affects the reality so many of us experience in fandom spaces:

That over and over we’re reminded that what was devastatingly traumatic for us, and impacts every day of our lives ever since.....to a wide audience of others, is just a hot, sexy fantasy and they’re all crying out MORE, MORE, GIVE US MORE.

And you all just sit back there and just us for saying....”it really bothers us to be surrounded by this message everywhere we turn.”

You shame US for saying this makes our fandom environment toxic and hostile at times.....and you flip the script and ask how dare WE shame survivors, who are probably just using these fics to cope....and literally ALL the people reading and writing these fics are survivors probably, I mean, you don’t know....and of course it’d be wildly inappropriate to ask so its probably best to just assume everyone writing these things are survivors....and thus we, no matter if we are survivors ourselves, have no business SHAMING or SILENCING them for just working through their shit in ways that its not even like it can actually hurt us anyway.

Except it DOES. It IS. And we say that, and you REFUSE TO HEAR US. You say “well this isn’t true for me, so it can’t be true for you or else just doesn’t matter if it is,” even though at no point have I or others I know ever said “because this is true for me, I am assuming it to be true for all survivors.”

You come into MY inbox, and act like you’re standing tall and proud against MY silencing tactics. Yeah, would I love it if I could go even a single day without having to gingerly avoid these stories and all mention of them, all casual references to them, all glowing praise of them, everywhere I look in fandom? Absofuckinglutely. Does me WANTING this thing - this thing we all know is never in actual danger of happening, lol - does this in ANY way ACTIONABLY translate into me censoring anyone, impeding anyone’s ability to write or post or read these things, is it me going in the comments of any of these fics and yelling HOW DARE YOU WRITE THIS and when that doesn’t get me the response I want, going to the blogs of the writers and yelling I WILL NOT BE SILENCED?

No. No. And fuck no. None of these things are happening, none of these things are reality.

And yet here you are, like SOOOOOOO MANY before you and like SOOOOOO MANY who will inevitably follow you in the future....

And your condescension and disdain for me and everything I think and everything I’ve lived through and my willingness or even just the way I choose to talk about it, just JUMPS off the page.

But the thing that will never not just absolutely fucking SLAY me, is the sheer absurdity of the accusations you and so many others level against me for MY censorship, MY shaming of other survivors. MY silencing tactics or whatever....

When you consider the fact that, yeah, I would love not having to see all these stories and other related things every single day. I would LOVE it.

But I’m not doing a single damn thing to make that a reality, to make that a DANGER, a THREAT to you and the thing you enjoy.....

Other than posting about it on my blog, and expressing how I feel about it, and arguing why I wish other people would spend more time considering perspectives like mine on the matter.

That’s it. That’s the whole grand conspiracy. That’s my awful and terrible assault on you and your autonomy and your freedom of speech and your interests and likes.

And meanwhile, here you are, stepping forward to confront ME in my own space about things I’ve said here and nowhere else that you’re forced to engage with and interact with and incapable of avoiding....

And you have the utter GALL to tell ME that YOU will not be silenced by the likes of me.

When every single person who reads this knows DAMN well that you and others like you only send me all these anons......

Because you want me to shut up and just never talk about these things again, as much if not more than I wish all these people would not even stop writing.....but rather just....would consider writing literally ANYTHING else instead.

But somehow, for some reason....when YOU want ME to stop talking....you’re not trying to silence me, or censor me, or any of those other things, oh know.

Its just me talking about my own damn feelings, experiences and opinions on my own damn blog.

THAT’S the real threat to fandom togetherness, community, and freedom of speech and personal autonomy.

LOL. Awfully convenient, wouldn’t you say?

But whatever. Its all good, anon. You go ahead and keep the moral high ground here. You’ve earned it, clearly.

[starlight-drive-in]

Catching Feelings Ch. 2 Seven/MC College AU

Awhile ago I was requested by @navarr0landia write a continuation of my College AU I started during Saeyoung week this year (which I was low key looking for the extra push to do anyway so thanks!) 

So here it is! Part 2 of what I am now calling Catching Feelings: 

AO3 Link  (Check here for warning/tags)

BEEP BEEP BEEP

The shrill sound of MC's alarm pierces through her slumber bringing her to consciousness, much to her dismay.

"Ughhh." She groans as the full weight of her headache is realized as soon as she moves to tap the snooze button on her phone. She groans again, smothering her face into the pillow desperate to sink back into sleep. There are no hangovers in dreamland.

Of course exactly 10 minutes later - BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.

This time MC doesn't mess around with the snooze button, it's too early and her head hurts way too much for this right now, her morning class is just not going to happen. She grasps desperately at sleep again.

She's not sure how much later it is but begins to hear Mei rustle around the room, getting ready for class and then the light turns on. MC groans again and pulls and blankets up over her head in protest.

"How are you feeling there, Sunshine?" Her roommate asks.

"Mmmm" MC groans miserably in response. "Why did I let you take me to a party on a weeknight?"

Her roommate laughs quietly. "You should be thanking me."

"For what?!" MC asks incredulously.

"You seriously don't remember? Maaaaybe you should check your phone that's been going off for the past hour." Mei says before the bathroom door clicks closed.

Why? MC thinks in response pulling her phone off her nightstand and under her little blanket tent.  It's not like anyone ever texts…me? She thinks as she sees seven new messages from "Saeyoung (Crazy Cat Guy)"

"Oh, shit." She mutters as memories from the night before - as well as a healthy dose of embarrassment - flood in. Parts of the night are definitely blurry in her mind. She remembers the bathroom and Seven/Saeyoung with the cat. And his eyes. Oh my god, his eyes, and that smile. Her heart clenches at the thought of him. This isn’t good, It’s been less than 24 hours and she’s already in deep.

Bits and pieces of their conversation float through her head but she can’t seem to grasp the entirety of it. Ugh. Why did she have so many of those... whatever they weres? What did she say to him? She desperately hopes nothing too bad. It couldn't have been anything too bad if he was texting her right? Unless it was that bad and he was telling her how weird she was. Calm down MC, calm down. Just unlock your phone and read the messages, you can do it.  

She takes a deep breath and bites her lip, entering her lock code. Her screen brightens, making her headache more apparent, but revealing the messages to her.

Saeyoung (9:09am): PSHHT This is ground control to Astronaut MC, do you read me?

Saeyoung (9:25am): PSHHT I repeat. MC, do you read me?

Saeyoung (10:07am): lolol I really hope you don't have a morning class

Saeyoung (10:11am): How are you feeling, Little Kitty?

Saeyoung (10:15am): >.< Was that weird? Sorry that was probably weird

Saeyoung (10:20am): Please let Seveny know you are still alive when you can

Saeyoung (10:30am): I‘m in class now but Secret Agent 707 might have to go on a rescue mission afterward if he doesn't hear back from you ^^’

MC’s face heats up a few degrees as she reads the messages He’s worried about me! Her heart leaps again as she thinks over how to respond to him as quickly as possible.

--

Seven bobs his leg up and down nervously as he sits in his back corner seat of the Comp Sci lab, not hearing anything his teacher is saying about compilation errors. He unlocks his phone for the third time in less than a minute and stares at the notification bar. Was he too forward? Too weird? She didn't seem to mind is weirdness too much last night but maybe that was because she was drunk? Or maybe something’s actually wrong, what if she had alcohol poisoning? Was she hurt, or was she just ignoring him? He didn't like either of those options frankly.

“Luciel?” He hears his teacher's voice pierces through his mind’s paranoid circling.

“Can you tell me why this code isn’t compiling correctly? Tell me where the error is.” His teacher looks at him pointedly, obviously trying to catch him off guard.

“Uhhhh” He stalls, scanning the code on the board. “You have a syntax error on line 23.”

His teacher - Mr. Vanderwood, seems a little disappointed he can’t reprimand him, “That's cor-”

“And 47.” Seven adds.

“Wait, what?” Mr. Vanderwood says incredulously scanning the code himself. “You’re right… uhh thanks, I guess”

“No probs Ms. Vanderwood.” Seven replies casually.

“It’s Mr. Vanderwood, Luciel.”

“Right, right, won't happen again Vandy!” the class collectively giggles at the interaction that's quite common amongst the two

“LUCIEL!”

“Ah hahaha sorry!” Seven cowers, shutting up.

His teacher stares at him a moment longer before continuing, “The next type of error you may have is a runtime error, a runtime error occurs when….” - and just like that Seven has checked out and is back to his phone again, and he has two new messages! He fumbles a bit in his excitement but manages to get his phone unlocked.

MC (Q-T-π): Hey! Sorry for making you worry! I just woke up.

MC (Q-T-π): And if it wasn't weird I’d be worried it wasn't you I was talking to, but that doesn’t mean I didn't like it. :)

She doesn't hate him! She thanked him! Thank God. He impulsively grasps the cross around his neck in victory. She used a smile emoji! Does that mean he made her smile? Oh, he really hopes so!

He looks rapidly around the room. Realizing Vanderwood is busy helping someone else he quickly types out a reply.

Saeyoung: She lives! :D Seven can breathe again. How do you feel?

--

MC seats herself up in bed and manages to get at least her feet off the bed before she's alerted to another message, her stomach responds with a small flourish of butterflies. Wow, he's fast. She thinks, smiling and reading his reply.

--

Seven watches his screen faithfully for her next message.

MC (Q-T-π): Honestly? I feel like death D:

MC (Q-T-π): But talking to you is definitely helping this headache go away.

He can’t help but crack a wide smile.

Saeyoung: Glad to be of assistance!

He can’t just let the conversation die like this though. He has to think of a way to continue it, and that's when an idea hits him.

Saeyoung: I have something else that may help!

MC (Q-T-π): Oh yea, What's that?

Saeyoung: Seven’s magic hangover (and other ailments) cure-aaaaall… Ddddddrumroll plz

MC (Q-T-π): Dum-dum-da-da-da-dum-dum!

Saeyoung: Seven Star Energy Drink!

MC (Q-T-π): You have your own energy drink? :O!

Saeyoung: Uhhhh well, haha

Saeyoung: not officially

Saeyoung: BUT

Saeyoung: I’m sure it will help clear up that nasty hangover! And that’s not all!

Saeyoung: It would be hand-delivered by yours truly :)

He sends the last message and waits with bated breath for a reply.

--

The bathroom door opens and Mei steps out all ready for class and starts getting her things together. MC stares at her phone screen. He wants to come over? She bites her lip and thinks for a minute. She hasn’t even had a shower yet. She groans loudly and throws her head back onto her pillow in defeat, resulting in a powerful reminder of the headache she needs to get rid of.

Mei eyes her peculiar display. “Alright, tell Mei what’s wrong.”

“Seven wants to come over” MC groans.

“So?? That’s great. Shouldn’t you be excited?”

“He wants to bring me something to help my hangover.”

“Aww, and here we all thought he was just crazy. That’s so sweet! I’m still not seeing the issue though unless you don’t actually like him and that was just the drink talking last night?”

“No, no that’s” MC stutters. “That’s not it. It’s just… I look like garbage.” MC replies sitting up again so Mei can see her face, still covered in smudged makeup from the night before.

“Hmm” Mei considers. “High-quality garbage though, like rich people garbage. Ya know?”

“Thanks,” MC replies sarcastically.

“What I mean is, you just gotta clean yourself up a bit and you’ll be fine. Like a million dollar sofa with a stain on it.” Mei says tossing her a bag of makeup wipes, a brush, her foundation and a tube of mascara.

MC wipes her face down, using about 3 wipes to get everything off, and then starts her “low effort” look by pulling her hair into a messy bun with a few loose locks on each side.

Mei ruffles around in MC’s dresser “Annnd you probably want to change.”

MC looks down and realizes she’s still wearing what she borrowed from Mei the night before.  

"How many beige sweaters do you have, Girl?" Mei tosses her a particularly oversized one and a pair of black leggings.

"They're comfy!" MC defends, finally rising herself from her bed to change. "Oh shit. I forgot to answer him!" She adds a second later, frantically pulling her sweater over her head.

"You left that poor boy on read? He probably thinks you hate him now." Mei teases.

"Nooooo!" MC whines fishing her phone out of her covers.

--

Saeyoung leaves class and drives the short distance back to the RFA house, glancing at his phone more frequently than he should. It's been fifteen minutes, she's probably not going to answer. He shouldn't have invited himself over like that.

He walks in the door, no one seems to be home at the moment. He continues up the stairs.

MC (Q-T-π): That would actually be very nice of you, but fair warning I look like a hot mess :/

A sense of relief falls over him, and then excitement and then… nervousness? It's been a while since he's felt that particular emotion.

Saeyoung: I'm sure you look beautiful! :)

Saeyoung: I'll head over as soon and I can get everything together!

MC (Q-T-π): Can't wait :)

He reads her message as he enters his room, flinging his black and yellow backpack onto the small couch and whoops loudly with enthusiasm, jumping up and down in excitement.

"What the fuck?!" Saeran's voice rings out from the other side of the room as he whips around in his desk chair to give his brother one of his trademark glares.

It would seem Seven forgot to check the room for other occupants when he entered. "Oops sorry bro!"

"Yeah, whatever." He says, writing off his brother's little show as one of his typical little displays and going back to his work.

Saeyoung yanks his t-shirt off over his head, and walks over to the shared closet and begins flipping through shirts.  

“Great job with inviting people to the party last night, by the way. A lot of people came out!”

Saeran smirks. “Amazing how many people are willing to go over to a random house because a stranger told them there would be free alcohol.”

“Tell me about it, Jaehee’s totaling the amount now but we should have quite a pretty good amount to donate this time!”

“That’s good, I’ll ask her about it later.” Saeran answers, writing himself a reminder on a post-it and sticking it to his computer screen.

Seven check his teeth in the closet mirror, “We missed you though, where were you last night?” He attempts to pry, knowing his brother is a pretty private person but he hoping maybe he’ll tell him anyway.

“Out” Saeran deadpans, revealing nothing.

“Hmm, ok I won’t bug you about but just be careful ok? I’ve been hearing about some weird cult stuff going on around campus.”

Saeran scoffs. “Cults? Seriously? Don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself.”

“Hey, can I borrow this shirt?” Seven asks, holding up a short sleeve, white button-down of Saeran’s. Obviously forgetting his former train of thought.

Saeran tsks in response “Ah, I see you didn’t do your laundry again.”

“I was busy!” Pleeaaasee?” Seven begs.

“Ugh, sure fine whatever, if it even fits you.”

“Thanks! You’re my favorite twin!” Seven shrugs into the shirt it’s a little tight, but manageable.

“That statement makes absolutely no sense, but ok. What are you getting all dressed up for anyway? I haven't seen you make an effort like this since the RFA Christmas Ball.”

“The Defender of Justice, the Mighty Seven-Zero-Seven must deliver much-needed medicine to a pretty lady who has fallen ill!” Seven says dramatically, earning an eye roll from his brother before heading over to the mirror to style his hair the best he can without product. It's still a mess but at least it looks a little neater. He sprays a little cologne on his neck and then checks his breath. “Oof, that’s not gonna work,” He says to himself before looking over at Saeran. “Hey, you got any mints?”

“I always have mints,” Saeran replies tossing him a tin from the generous supply in his desk.

“Bless you, dear brother.” Seven dumps a few in his mouth and cronches on them, making Saeran cringe.

“You’re supposed to let them dissolve ya know.” Saeran grimaces.

“Yea, yea no time gotta go!” Seven turns his backpack upside down and dumps his books and laptop onto the couch before shoving new stuff into his backpack in its place, flinging it onto his back and heading out the door.

Saeran simply rolls his eyes “And don’t fuck up my shirt!” he shouts as he listens to his brother’s footsteps descend the staircase and go out the front door.

[rakuraiwielder]

I'm working on your ask, but here's some for you: I, A, M, S, P, O, T

Ask prompt here: x

thanks puffin!! this is gonna be long and nostalgic eyy

I - HasTumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? 

I wouldn’t say “actively dislike” butthe toxicity of fandom on this website has sucked away most of my passion for Voltron lol. I used to really dig itthe first month or so after getting really into it when S2 aired. I still havean unfinished draft for a 7-parter rarepair fic //ey guess my fav duo ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)// sitting in my folders. don’t think I’llbe touching it any time soon though. im rather burnt out from this fandom, evenif I do still enjoy watching all the new seasons thereafter.

another is StevenUniverse ah a. (but in its and my defence, I wasn’t really into it anywaysas compared to other fandoms. the songs are still good, but I haven’t beenkeeping up with the newer Steven bombs, one part because of motivation, andanother because the thought of going into the tags to reblog contentintimidates the heck out of me pffft)

A - Ships that youcurrently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone hasOTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

(puffin this question is gonnatake up half the ask oh god)oh bOY where do I start hahahaha. there’s so many aph and fe callbacks hahaha few otps aside I really have too manycrackpairs and platonic friendship ride-or-die squads I would die for. theseare only a few really relevant ones from the top of my head-

OTPS:

Norway/Vietnam (Hetalia) – alWAYS. i dont talk about and reblog much aph anymore but i still think about these two frequently. they were my first and closestthing ever to an actual otp in all my years of knowing what an otp was gosh Ihope to write about them again soon. their dynamics are the peak of mypreferences.

MU(avatar unit)/Silas (FE Fates) – thechildhood friends + loyal knight and liege trope + a pinch of memory loss wasnever really my thing, but guess there’s a first for everything ha h a ah a….silas is too pure for the angst I put him through im so sorry ಸ ل͜ ಸ

Berkut/Rinea (FE: SOV) – the second that one cutscene of these two played I got1000% more invested in the story pffft. anyways rinea may be top tier fav andberkut shit tier fav, and their story tragic as heck (and I would also arguethat he doesn’t deserve her), but their genuine and honest love for each otheramidst the incoming death flags gets me every time

707/MC (Mystic messenger) – honestly they can either be a really good platonicdynamic duo or a solid otp. purely from the perspective of my own MC, theycomplement each other well; perfect balance of light-hearted teasing and asolid wall of comfort for each other.

Ray-Saeran/MC (Mystic messenger) – ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

(Other) Ships:

Seychelles/Iceland/HK (Hetalia) – they are good togetherromantically or platonically hahahaha. a good golden trio of kids

Russia/Vietnam (Hetalia) – their potential relationship and clashof character due to conflicting personalities fascinate me. a totally differentnoir vibe from norviet and one I hope to explore if I ever come back to aph

Nyx/Leo (FE Fates) – nyx ships are reallyrare but half of them are surprisingly sweet and poignant. Odin and Laslow tooare really sweet candidates to woo this jaded grandma’s heart.

MU/Laslow (FE Fates) – got to thank a wacky7-11 employee au dream I had for this one. but in the games their supportconversations are surprisingly thoughtful and low-key flirting which was notwhat I expected at all. wholesome.

Ham/Kai (MUxMU, FE) – remember when I said protag/protagships are the good stuff? yea h thatprincess tutu au is coming along swell

Alm/Celica (FE: SOV) – the rare main canon couple I love whodon’t die and get their happy ending (LOL this sounds really pathetic now thatI’ve said it)

Leon/Valbar (FE: SOV) – no one is surprised LOL. romantic orno, as long as leon is happy with where he stands with valbar and valbar ishappy with where he is im happy for them both

Conrad/Rinea (FE: SOV) – I know there are a couple of youreading this whos gonna give me that look but liste n; they could have met, and there is potential for them.(honestly this is just like another norviet situation where I put my 2 topfaves together for crackpair experimentation bUT IT WORKS I ASSURE YOU)

Zen/MC (Mystic messenger) – zen is so earnest that I can’t refute himhahaha. he also has a special seat in my mysme heart, since he was the firstroute I played and made me create content for the fandom proper

707/Jaehee (Mystic messenger) – they are rapidly gaining OTP status ꉂ (´∀｀)ʱªʱªʱª aaaa nightmare flashbacks because justlike norviet they really are the rarest of crackpairs and have almost to no content(gonna get down to business and churn fic out one day). these two are moresimilar than they’d think too.

Cecil/Haruka (Utapri) – ahahaha a good ship from a guiltypleasure fandom

(Purely) Platonic:

Izuku/Iida/Ochako (BNHA) – the first golden trio of thisseries. I love them so much.

Vanderwood/MC (Mystic messenger) – they parallel each other. truly thebiggest ride-or-die duo I will support to the end of time

Zen/Yoosung (Mystic messenger) – zen is such a mother hen to yoosungwwwww truly wholesome

Chise/Ruth (Ancient Magus Bride) – platonic master/familiar-partner relationships where both of them care for each other so much to the point where they would die for the other are my one weakness. its the reason i love writing more fleshed-out pokemon aus and loyal dogs/animals in longer fics. anyways these two are good

M - Name acharacter that you’d like to have for a friend.

707. It would be a trip justknowing him. (apart from the memes. but my life is already 80% meme, honestlywhats the difference ahahaha aaa-) Just, I feel like it would be really fun tohang out with him and revel in his wackiness (even if that personality is afront, maybe one day when i finally get into his inner-circle of friends, I hopeto be privy and be a good listening ear to his truer, more sombre personality.)

On the other hand, myself-confidence and 2nd hand embarrassment will be directlyproportional to each other (And im 100% sure Seven is the kind of person whowill exploit that hAH)

S - Show us anexample of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Every relevant character inMysmes is either a type of asexual (greysexual etc.), or on various points ofthe bi-spectrum. Yeah; even self-proclaimed, “straight-laced” Zen lol.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (wealways need more ideas)

Vampire/Selkie AU ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

a selkie whose skin gets stolen and hidden from a human man is forced to become his bride and taken back to his village. there, to escape the stares of bigoted villagers and the clutches of her overbearing and possessive husband, she takes refuge in the only place he would not go; the old holy church.

only, she finds she isn’t the first to occupy this place of solitude. the master of the church notices her soon enough, and when vampire recognises the ancient weave of magic that flows within her, he appears; intrigued for something other than a fresh meal.

(basically a deviation from the standard vampire (romance-ish) novels lolol plot bunny hit me pre-Christmas eve dinner/yesterday and sofar im digging it. still planning the ship and fandom though; it might very easily be OC-based)

O - Choose a songat random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

since 1 is never enough, hereare 4 songs I was listening to recently:

Little Knights, Nem feat.Noire : Zen/MC(a zen-ish song through and through)

over and over, Yanagi Nagi : Saeran Choi + 707&MC(more saeran-centric with interpretative lyrics and referencing to both ray andunknown personas)

Finding something to do, HelloGoodbye : 707/Jaehee(fits their “don’t go where I can’t follow” dynamic haha ow.)

Life will Change, Shoji Meguro + Benjamin Franklin feat. Lyn Inaizumi : Kai(mui) or Ham(let)(honestly the entire persona 5 ost is massive fe fates protag feels)

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons thatyou will die defending?

Not really. I’m a very flexible person when it comes tointerpretable lore and content, especially if it’s the type of HCs that thefandom collectively comes up with. Unless it’s a canon fact, I like to dabble orjust stay away from HCs in general. If I have to come up with some in my fics,then so be it. But most of the time these HCs are either super vague or onlyapply to the context in this particular piece or series of writing. Basically Idon’t mind switching HCs for charas frequently as long as it does notfundamentally change their own character. (HCs for hobbies and loves and habitsand relationships apart from their inner circle, etc. are all fine)

Honestly it just boils down to expectations lol I know myown limits, and I know not to be disappointed when canon updates end updebunking (popular) fandom HCs or my own.

[rimalupin]

50 More Interesting Questions

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

Thank you for tagging me @theempresskaizer & @kakihoden! :D <3

1. What kind of food can’t you stand?: Anything fermented. Like, ew. Also brussel sprouts (Then again, I have yet find someone who can cook brussel sprouts “well.” :b)

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick?: Public transit schedules. They’re so darn inconvenient (And yet I’m commuting for the remainder of my uni career. At least I’m saving money..?). -.-’

3. Have you got any useless talents?: I try to make use of my talents, so I’m gonna say no. :b

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be?: Taking (good & worthwhile) risks because I’m always so darn careful so I end up not trying new things sometimes.

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking: ALL THE FRIENDS AND FAMILY I KNOW AND LOVE. <3 Oh, also Emma Watson, Gal Gadot, Shawn Mendes, Tom Holland, and all the other celebs I tend to fangirl about (I can’t name them all rn, haha sorry~. :P).

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid?: Singing all the Disney songs (Which I still do nowadays, haha~.). I would also read books, write my own stories, and act as if I was on a Disney Channel show (I was quite the Disney fangirl back in the day. xD)

7. What is something you’re proud of?: My friends who are just starting college/uni this year. Most of them are already setting up their dorms and getting ready for classes. They’re growing up so fast! :’)

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate?: Dishonesty. I don’t associate with phonies.

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower?: I’m a bit of both. Then again, being a follower makes you a kind of leader: you essentially lead people to follow your leader, if that makes sense Okay I’ll shut up about leadership theory sorry y’all. :P

10. What kind of student are/were you?: The diligent one (but people often claim I’m the overachiever even tho I’m not always a straight A student lololol).

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life?: Ohhhhh yes. This kind of thing has happened to me many times (In like the best ways possible, thankfully.).

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion: Being alone/left out (Even though “I’m never really alone” ((Which I know I’m not. Hence the “irrational” part of this particular fear/aversion.)).)

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable?: Yup. Plenty of ‘em.

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties?: I don’t drink... Yet. My Canadian friends are trying to get me to drink with them since I’m now legal in Canada but I’m scared heeeeeelp. :b I’m usually the wallflower if I don’t know anybody too well at a party. However, if I find people I’m comfortable hanging out with, I’ll stick with their squad throughout the event, talking, eating, dancing and taking pictures/SnapChats to our hearts’ desires~. ^-^

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone?: Nope. I have to get to know the person before I “fall in love” with them, let alone having a crush on them. Which is why the biggest crushes I’ve had were on some of my closest friends. But I’ve never told them because I didn’t want to risk our friendships IDK I’M A NOOB WHEN IT COMES TO LOVEY-DOVEY THINGS. :b

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends?: One close friend. <3

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak?: Neat-freak. Definitely a neat-freak. xD

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy: 

Both of these locations are places where I’d have more than enough room to move or think. ^-^

Outdoors: Somewhere near the sea, where I could feel the sand on my toes, hear the waves splashing onto the shore, smell the ocean breeze, and watch the orange sunset glowing along the horizon.

Indoors: An empty practice room. Wooden floors, large mirrors in front of the room, dance barres along the side walls, a few windows displaying the outside world, and a speaker/stereo system perfect for blasting the music around the room.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday?: No kids atm, but I love working with them! Yes, I’d like kids someday~.

20. What was your favorite book as a child?: I read many books as a wee child. But one book I can clearly remember is Stellaluna. It’s an adorable story about a bat who discovers who she truly is thanks to both her adoptive and biological families (The former being a family of birds and the latter being a family of bats.).

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about: Fidget spinners. I’m still seeing people freak out about those things. Didn’t the trend die a month or two ago?

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated: Myspace. *evil laughs despite the fact that I never had a Myspace account* :P Sorry I couldn’t think of anything else bahaha~

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose?: I mean, I’ve never met MYSME’s 707 IRL, so I’ll stick with him And we can visit his space station, haha~ ^-^

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday?: Act in a theatrical production. I haven’t done theatre in a year and I already miss it. T.T

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat?: I’ll definitely speak my mind if I’m well-versed in the topic and if I’m passionate about it. If I want to present a controversial opinion, I have to be sure that I can articulate my POV eloquently and professionally. I’m also more than willing to listen to the other side, as long as they fully know what they’re talking about (Frankly, I will not take any B.S. if I suspect B.S.).

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in?: I’m blanking... Yeah, IDK, but I’m pretty sure I got caught up in some kind of dumb fad back in middle school. *shivers b/c I don’t want to relive those years*

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for?: When I was younger (like elementary/middle school-age), I dreamed of becoming a singer. In order to accomplish that dream, I joined my school and church choirs: however, that turned out to be a pretty toxic experience since almost everyone I was singing with treated every single practice and performance as a singing competition. Like, c’mon you guys: we aren’t on Glee. -.-’

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable?: Honesty: I admire people who are genuine and true.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.): Books (people know I’m a huge bookworm), clothes (b/c I’m usually too lazy/don’t have time to shop for my own clothes, LOLOL), stuffed animals (I’m a child at heart and I love cuddly & cute things), sweets (especially chocolate).

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones?: 

English is my mother tongue.

I apparently used to speak Tagalog fluently when I was very young, but then I stopped speaking that language once I started preschool; however, I’ve picked up some terms over the years, so I can sort of dissect my parents’ conversations w/ the other adults (”Yes, Mom, I knew that you were talking about my uni stuff with Tita *insert name here*.” :P), plus I’m going to take a Tagalog 101 class in Autumn Quarter, so I’ll (hopefully) learn how to say complete sentences instead of just the names of foods, holidays, and Filipino Folk Dances. xD

I learned Spanish throughout my high school career, so I’m okay in that department even though I haven’t practiced speaking/listening/writing in that language recently. I’m still fluent enough to help my sisters with their Spanish homework, so that’s something. :P

I tried learning some French, Japanese, and Korean through various language learning apps, but to no avail.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside?: Can I choose like a little town instead? Big city: the countryside would be MUCH too quiet for me (Plus I’d be much too tempted to run atop every hill Sound of Music style and start singing at the top of my lungs - which would probably annoy a lot of people, myself included. :P).

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving?: Giles Christophe a.k.a my Midnight Cinderella bias. Ironic, huh? xD <3 Also Jumin Han from MYSME. :P

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else?: I will hide from the spotlight like I’m a friggin vampire unless there’s a damn good reason for me to be under it.

34. Favorite holiday?: CHRISTMAS!!!

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously?: If I’m in charge of scheduling something, then I MUST have everything carefully planned. If I’m leaving the scheduling to someone else, then I’ll just go with the flow~.

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.): My first trip to Hawaii: I’d love to explore the islands and swim in its oceans again.

37. What hobbies do you have?: Reading, writing, singing, dancing, listening to music, playing the guitar or ukulele, checking social media (JKJK :P), drawing/arts & crafts (If I’m EXTREMELY bored), playing video games, watching TV/YouTube, exploring places both old and new Yeah, I do too many things, haha~

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have?: “Mildly useful?” (O.o) I guess the ability to learn things VERY quickly - like, master an activity on the first try. I actually have a friend with that ability, which has allowed him to almost effortlessly master almost every sport he’s ever learned: he’s basically a superhuman and I admire and envy him for his “superpower.” :P <3

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you: My age: people think that I’m much younger than I actually am, mostly because of my shorter-than-average height and my baby face. I’m basically an adult stuck in a teenager’s body. xD

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out: How to apply the Unit Circle to various math problems eff you precalculus and calculus never again ugggghhhhh.

41. Worst injury you’ve had?: My broken heart (JKJK, sort of. :P) I got burned by the metal tip of a very hot glue gun. Thanks to that, I have a tiny scar on my upper right arm.

42. Any morbid fascinations?: Does watching playthroughs of horror games through YouTube count?

43. Describe your sense of humor: Clever/witty, sarcastic, sassy. Oftentimes unintentional: jokes will usually come to me naturally through conversation. If we’re close, plenty of embarrassing stories, inside jokes, and horrible puns will be part of our daily doses of humor.

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose?: I’d want to be born in Canada, mostly because I’ve got a lot of family living up there, plus I’d love to live in a place that isn’t completely messed up rn. #SorryNotSorryAmerica *crosses to the Canadian border like a badass*

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at: LOL, WHAT’S A SPORT? :b

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through: Freshman year of high school. I first moved to my new home that year, so being the new kid sucked for a while, but I eventually made some friends and found more opportunities to grow as a person (through writing and theatre).

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.): Ugly tat. At least I’d have a place to hide it. xD

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist?: Realist. Leaning on the pessimist side. However, I do try to believe that things will get better, that there’ll be more bigger and better opportunities out there, etc. etc.

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you?: That I’m a hardworking and genuine person. Then again, I don’t do well compliments anyway: I’ll definitely blush and stutter and try to hide behind some kind of an object while complimenting you back. xD <3

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you: I’m often quiet and reserved when I’m meeting new people. Some may think I’m naturally calm and composed, others take it as slightly intimidating. But I’m just quiet because I’m awkward, plus I don’t usually start conversations. :b

Tagging: @princessofwysteria, @sukio-sakamaki, @allforthecrown, @o0w0o, @widzzicles, @rizosrojizos, and anyone who wants to do this! (I would’ve tagged more peeps, but I didn’t know if they had been tagged already. So please join in if you haven’t done this already~.). ^-^ <3

[emperorhwangs]

if you have to ship the minbooties with wanna one members (aside from minhyun) who would you ship with who and why?

AHHHHH I LOVE THESE THINGS HOHOHO *INTENSE KNUCKLE CRACKING*

this came out way too long so sorry your thumb is probably gonna be jacked as fuck

@hwangminyeo : I would probably ship Abby with Bae Jinyoung if it weren’t illegal ahahhahah because I see Abby as the glue who is capable of bringing everyone together. She was the one who reached out to me to invite me into the minbooties gc and I’m honestly so thankful because I’ve gotten to know 5 absolutely beautiful and entertaining mintrash that are able to make you feel so warm inside through just a few words over LINE that it’s unbelievable, and I’m so so thankful. She’s the type of person who is gentle, friendly, and patient enough to coax literally anyone out of their shell, and she always makes people feel included. She’s always feeding us well with Minhyun content bc she knows the Minbooties get hungry at all times of the day, so she’s really caring and sweet. I think that she’s exactly the type of person who would be able to coax Baejin out of the walls he puts up and then he’d feel so free and relaxed with her. He’s so different from his seemingly cold “deepdark” exterior and we all know he’s a sweetheart that I think would just coincide with Abby’s super relaxed and giving personality and they’d be so compatible and be able to have great times together. But if we’re going to stay with legal relationships, then I’d definitely ship Abby with Daniel. Abby takes on a lot by constantly feeding us and being selfless that she doesn’t take enough time for herself, so someone as loving/caring/lighthearted as Daniel would go perfectly with her to ease some of that stress. Daniel would undoubtedly put her needs before all else and probably has endless patience and would always be laughing at everything she does but also be super attractive at the same time like wtf. Not to mention he can be so damn RUDE and I bet abby has a secret kink for that hhoohohoho. Abby has amazing visuals that really compliment Daniel’s. While most of the Minbooties have either soft visuals or colder, elegant visuals, Abby’s visuals definitely give off a more “sexy” vibe? Sorry ABBY LOLOL PLS DONT CRINGE but Daniel is the same; he can look like a peach bunny and then BOOM he’s stroking his thigh and you’re pregnant. 

@hyuncakes/ @cafewoozi : I would ship Bonnie with Jihoon (you guys are probably so wtf while reading this but hear me out). When you search the word “pure” in the dictionary, Bonnie’s picture shows up. She is incredibly perceptive and picks up on the little things you say while texting her and she always replies with such sweet, wholehearted things. I literally cannot properly describe how nice Bonnie is; she’s the type of person that seems like she would give the best hugs in the entire world. She’ll reply to messages that you’ve sent a long time ago because she’s the type of person who will always make sure you are feeling loved and validated (which everyone always wants and I appreciate you so much for it). She’s really rational, mature, and down-to-earth and basically the type of person that you’d always want to be around with because just talking to her will brighten your day. If Bonnie were a feeling, she’d be the feeling of that warm pocket of sunlight that comes through the window and hits a certain part of the room and its the perfect light to nap under because its the perfect warmth and comfort omf does this even make any sense because ?? But she doesn’t seem to see what a catch she is and Park Jihoon seems like the type of person that would be sooooooo sweet and attentive and almost overly caring for his s/o, and he would give all the love and attention Bonnie deserves. Bonnie is, imo, the mom friend who stays reasonable and can be a really calming person if you start to rage too much; just her presence is very calming? If that makes any sense lololol. She’s definitely a secret nasty as well, though, and we’ve all seen that Jihoon can be RUDE AS HELL when he wants to, and I think he could adequately quench the thiRST if ;)))))))) ykwim :))))))))))) Jihoon and Bonnie would be a really dynamic couple full of cutesy dates and lots of skinship and you’d see them on the streets together with Bonnie wearing Jihoons’ sweatshirt or smth and you’d just get that feeling of “i WANT THAT” 

@minhwangs ok sarah is so DAMN thiRSTY lol but me as well i am 2nd sinner and she’s lowkey crazy too so I think I would ship her with Ong. She’s got a really bright, active personality and overall is someone that I think is really fun to be around. Not to mention, I think she would look really nice with Ong as their visual are similar to me in a way. Sarah is actually my ideal visual (lol that sounds so creepy whOOP) but I really really think that girls that have a defined, angular, and sharp facial structure are soosososso beautiful like I reALLy REALLY like Sarah’s facial structure SO MUCH it’s UNHEALTHY. Her bone structure is the LITERAL VISUAL DEFINITION OF IDEAL FACIAL STRUCTURE imo and Ong also has prominent, defined facial features. Their babies would be literal visual gods straight out the womb. I think a relationship between Ong and Sarah would be lighthearted and carefree as both of them strike me as fun-loving people.  They would have a lot of great, memorable times and double as best friends, not just a couple. Ong also definitely softens for girls and I don’t have any doubt that he’ll be very cutesy with his s/o, even if he’s annoying the other 70% of the time. He’d take really good care of Sarah and put her needs first whenever it truly mattered. Because both of them are such bright and energetic people, I think they’d be able to lift eachother’s spirits in dark times. Sarah tends to give a lot; I think she’s pretty selfless from what I can tell in the messaging patterns? She responds to every message and she’s also so considerate (i was spamming a gc with her about smtm and she didn’t want to trash everyone else’s feed so she suggested a pm, which I didn’t even consider). But she also forgets to take care of herself sometimes (go to sleep, sarah!) and I know Ong would make sure to care for her. As carefree and jovial  as he may seem, Ong is highly intelligent. He’d be able to properly care for her in his own weird Ong way, maybe even without her realizing he’s always looking out for her. He’d probably guise it in a joke but he’d be really just making sure that she was in the absolute best condition possible. He’d probably playfully protest at everything that Sarah suggests but he’d undoubtedly go along with everything she suggests, just to make her happy. 

@2hyeons I would ship Ying with Minyeoooo~~~ Firstly on a purely superficial level, both of them have similar visuals in that they are coldly attractive, like ice. It’s a weird way to describe her, but Ying’s appearance is very elegant and sophisticated; she gives off a particular aura that Minhyun’s resting visual also gives. She’s the quietest in the group chat but she always says the absolute sweetest things and you can feel her warmth, friendliness, and kindness through her messages. Her actual personality is a contrast against her ice queen visuals because she’s so warm-hearted, which I find to be extremely similar to Minhyun. When I first saw Minhyun on pd101 (the scene where he forgot the lyrics during his reevaluations) my exact thoughts were “wow, he’s gorgeous but probably a dick” (which was SO OFF). I also think that Ying has her SHIT TOGETHER, like she has her priorities in order and is very intelligent and probably works really hard, just like Minhyun. Nu’est members chose Minhyun as their smartest member. His work ethic is incredible. He isn’t naturally a dancer (if you couldn’t tel from the iconic minbooty dance), but he slaves away so he can pull off his parts flawlessly. In the older Nu’est videos, you can pick up on his quick-witted personality that I think would balance really really well with Ying. He’s softened as he’s matured and I think he would be sosososso compatible with Ying in that he would find her intelligence endlessly attractive, as well as her dedication and work ethic. Ying is also an explosion of personality when she tumbles in; she always offers us adamant support against hateful anons and also is the same level of absolute t r a s h for the minbooty like you will 100000% catch her bein thirsty as HELL. She’d be able to make Minhyun laugh a lot with her radiant personality and humor. He’s extremely caring and selfless, so he’d watch over Ying well. Ying doesn’t acknowledge that she’s an actual empress, and Minhyun would make sure to let her know every single day. I think Ying would appreaciate Minhyun’s love for skinship and his affection (look at how he treats Ren+Seonho+Baejin) and they’d have the absolute CUTEST couple moments.

@luminous-point OK so STORYTIME: when I first entered the minbooties gc and had no idea who anyone was or what they looked like, I assumed that Reni had used a female idol that I didn’t know as her profile pic. I legitimately 1000% thought that she was an idol based off of her picture and I slowly slowly came to the realization that the picture wasn’t of an idol and was actually indeed RENI herself. I was in absolute shock and for the first week or two that I was in the gc, every time I opened it and saw her little icon I would just think “she is seriously so pretty” and be genuinely in awe. Ok anyways. I would ship Reni with Ha Sungwoon~ I noticed Sungwoon right away the very first episode of PD101 when they did that little segment on the strong visuals of the season and they showed a literal .5 second clip of his face but i was absolutely HOOKED on him since then. He was my absolute favorite visual in the first episode, and then his evaluation performance absolutely blew me away. Talent and visual = Reni. Both Reni and Sungwoon have very strong visuals that I absolutely am in love with, and both are extremely hardworking and talented. Reni is seriously sosososososso important to the minbooties and I appreciate her so much, though I’ve never told her. She’s dually very mature/level-headed yet also etremely playful/fun/bright. She slaves away subbing Nu’est content to give happiness to the fandom and pours so much and time and effort into it just for other people’s enjoyment. Whenever she encounters an issue, she approaches it in a very calm, collected manner that I really respect, and I think that Sungwoon would find it incredibly attractive. Sungwoon is extremely hardworking and imo, underrated. His performance in “Downpour” was most memorable to me, and he was also the very first person to nail the entire “Never” choreography when everyone else could barely get through the first portion and they still voted him off the team smH so both of them don’t get their hardwork acknowledged nearly enough. Reni is also WILD AF (don’t deny it) and I think Sungwoon is definitely the type that’d like that have a really really good time so they’d have really amazing, unbeatably fun dates. Sungwoon is also the type to dote on and be really really loving towards his s/o, which I think would be great for Reni. Reni is super super big sister vibes~ I wanted to EAT my own arm because of college apps and she offered to help and take time out of her own day to read over my essays and gave such amazing advice, so I want someone who I know would treat their s/o like a literally precious jewel for Reni.  

[myassbrokethefall]

For the unique asks: 2, 6, 13, 17, 19, 23, 40, 43, 47, 50 & 53 (it's a lot, ik but I like those questions in particular). Enjoy!

Damn, girl, you made me work!

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Answered!

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

I am a little nutty about the number 13. Like, I not only avoid it, but I will avoid numbers that add up to it or can be arranged in an equation to produce it. I won't get up at 7:13, but I also won't get up at 7:06 or 7:24. (Even typing out those numbers, I don't like it.) 7:23 is also not great because 7 + (2 x 3). I like the number 7 so I also sometimes avoid the number 6, even if a 7 isn’t there, because that makes 13. And I like 8s because an 8 with a 7 is a nice safe 15 (and 8 generally is just a nice number). (Although, 8:15, for example, could break down to 8 + (1 x 5) = 13. Safer to wait til 8:17.) I don't like multiples of 13, like 26 or 39. I also get bogged down in how something COULD be interpreted as 13; like, I eat a handful of almonds for breakfast at work most mornings, and I try to get at least 14 whole ones, and there are also little bits of ones that I will eat too because if I don't that'll be all that's left in the bag eventually, but then sometimes one of the ones I thought was whole will turn out to be more squished, and then I hope another one is also squished, or a few more, so I don't have 13 "whole" ones in any definition of the term, LIKE SOMEONE IS KEEPING TRACK. So then sometimes I will eat a couple more just to be safe. I like to go well over 13 to allow for such errors. I truly do this all day long and it's very stupid. I don't even think it's THAT serious of a thing, because if a 13 is unavoidable I don't worry about it overmuch, really, but it's habit habit habit.

The only exception I make is 10:13, because I have good vibes from that number for obvious reasons, even though, looking at it objectively, that number has caused me more grief in my life than all the other 13s combined lolol.

I guess that's more of a superstition than a phobia really. I have some phobias -- confined spaces, like crawling through a long tight tunnel especially (just thinking about that gives me cold sweats), but I don't think any of them are STRANGE really. I'm not afraid of like, cows or something.

Oh! I am a little afraid of the house falling in or of falling through the floor, especially when I'm in the shower. I think about that a lot. I just am always worried that the floor and/or ceiling will collapse.

Dear me: It is not necessary to write 5-paragraph answers for these

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is passivity and avoidance (which is often anxiety-based but sometimes is just me-based). Also the ability to keep track of/manage time.

My greatest strength might be that I'm good at thinking things through and foreseeing consequences. This means that I get very easily annoyed when people can't or won't do this, as I watch things escalate in ways that seem to me to be completely preventable, I guess particularly as regards personal interactions. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN is something I think a lot. (On the other hand, I have plenty of blind spots as far as stuff that *I* am in the habit of doing/not doing and the easily foreseeable consequences.) It can be tiring though when I CAN’T STOP trying to think everything through and foresee all the consequences before I do anything. Also, I learn things pretty quickly, for the most part, and I have a good memory. 

17) Are you happy with the person you've become?

Pretty happy. I like myself now better than I like my younger self, in most ways. I'm more self-aware and I think I'm a lot more secure in myself and I think (hope) I'm more thoughtful and less selfish. I do miss some things about how I used to be, including that I used to be a lot more creative and less lazy. But in general I think I've come out OK. I still have plenty of stuff to work on, as we all do.

19) What's your biggest "what if"?

I tend to live my life, generally, in a state of feeling that I have narrowly escaped disaster and that anything could go wrong at any moment and that I am JUST squeaking acceptably by right now and thank god I managed to scam my way to this point but something terrible could be around any corner. So it's hard for me to look at a "what if" situation in the way of, like, "what other adventures could I have had if I'd taken a different path?" Instead I tend to be more like "thank god the winds of fate chanced to allow me to make it to this point where I'm relatively safe and secure even if I'm perpetually teetering on a precipice of potential disaster." It's hard for me to muse on a different kind of life because it's too full of UNCERTAINTY.

That said...I wonder all the time what it would be like to just pick up and move to a different city, or a different country, or like, to a remote mountain somewhere. There is a lot of appeal in that for me, maybe BECAUSE I tend to feel so trapped and just-made-it-y, and the idea of chucking it all is very freeing. Who knows, someday I may still do that.

Or, I guess more obviously, if I had gotten married and had kids. That would be different all right. I suppose the getting married thing could still happen. I'm pretty set in my ways at this point though, heh.

23) What's the worst place you have ever been to?

This is a weird answer but once coming back from a trip (I forget where) I had a layover in the Atlanta airport. They were doing some kind of HVAC work and it was hot in there and a bunch of the ceiling panels were gone and there were like, trash bags (black ones) along the ceiling in some places, and it was super crowded and generally a mess (at least partially due to whatever maintenance/construction was happening), and I remember thinking, "The Atlanta airport is the most depressing place on earth." I'm QUITE SURE that's not true, but I don't have a lot of fondness for the Atlanta airport, haha. It was kind of what I would imagine purgatory to be like. A hot, stressful, ugly, depressing mess. (I’m sure I caught it on a bad day!)

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I think I would be fine with having me for a friend, but if I were someone very unlike me I don't know if having me for a friend would always be that great because I sometimes am kind of inconsistent and hands-off. I try to listen and to sympathize and to give (sincere) compliments, but I also need a lot of me time and sometimes I am Not Up For It. And I know I tend to go on and on sometimes and use my friends as a sounding board for my navel-gazing. (Sorry, friends.) If I were the kind of person who needed to be able to call my friend in the middle of the night and ask them to come over because I was lonely, I would not want me for a friend. Or, I would, but I would need other friends too. (I think I have answered this question, or one like it, once before.)

43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

I just looked on my Happy playlist, helpfully enough. I can't pick just one, so I'm going with Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic by the Police, Get Lucky by Daft Punk, A Simple Formality by Komeda, and Wouldn't It Be Nice by the Beach Boys.

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Answered!

50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?

I'm a big fan of novelty when it comes to colors -- if I wore red one day I'll be sick of red the next day -- but it always comes back to green. (Currently, I'm planning to paint my kitchen green, but also debating whether I will get too sick of green.)

53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

Hmmm... What percentage of time I have spent, over my life, thinking about my various obsessions.