#or spend a fuckton of money to have it done right

[stumblngrumbl]

there's an invasive called scotch broom here - it was literally sold as an ornament plant but it's crazy invasive and literally flammable green let alone even it dries

anyways we pull any we find... except this odd corner of the property that's on the other side of our driveway road and we never go there

well having a scotch broom patch is just an invitation for it to spread to the rest of the property - unfortunately i can't do anything about my idiotic neighbors who just ignore their entire infested properties but it still has the road to cross

the soil conditions are perfect right now for pulling stuff by the roots - ground is damp and soft, and i can easily pull all the younger stuff but some bigger shrubs have roots going down a foot or more, tap root style

in the past i've taken a chain, wrap it around the trunk a few times, and pull with the tractor - but that only works when there's a trunk at least an inch or so because the chain just won't tighten around something smaller

enter this,

shrub pulling game-changer

basically the chain goes through the ring (of pipe), around the trunk once, then back through the ring and then hooks on; pulling on the chain not only tightens it but also presses the pipe edge into the trunk for grip

needless to say it's a huge improvement over the chain and pulls everything very quickly

i got C to help - she's operating the tractor, moving it forward slightly when all the close broom are cleared, and raising and lowering the bucket which is imparting the pulling force

this collection of broom was pulled in less than an hour, in the past it's taken me all day to get that much without the loop and solo

(the rectangular part is there just because this is an ancient piece of scrap and i don't have a metal cutting wheel right now but as it turns out it's actually not in the way and even convenient because it's easier to grab with gloves on)

[monk-of-suffering]

things I'm trying to handle right now:

Getting ADA exemption from RTO again with a CEO who absolutely hates remote work

What happens if HR denies it? Worry worry worry

New psychiatrist and adjusting medications

Still don't even know if I like this psychiatrist

Need to get medical records for new PCP (just remembered this now lol)

King is overdue for his dental cleaning. Not cheap.

Having a smaller team than I ever have at work

Trying to launch a gigantic release-blocking project at work

Job search? Hahahaha yeah right, get fucked, stay til the company implodes

Will I have a job 30-90 days from now? And if so, when are the next layoffs gonna be?

Have no idea how much money I will have to put into my car

Spending a FUCKTON of money with the move

Cant even rest knowing the old place is done with until October

Moving my stuff without the ability to move anything remotely heavy without suffering pain

Getting some form of A/C at the house so we can even fucking move in without heatstroke

Debilitating pain

Trying to find new things to help with the pain

The more I do, the worse the pain

Trying to enjoy life? Getting a tattoo, coding projects, going on vacation? haha yeah right

Im going to drown

[sachirou-senpai]

Kageyama, Yaku, Kenma and Hinata as sugar daddies.

request: ELLIE YOU CAN'T GET AWAY WITH PUTTING THIS IN MY HEAD AND LEAVING ME LIKE THIS AHSHSUSVSHS,,,, can I request some headcannons for Kageyama, Yaku and Kenma as sugar daddies? Or Hinata!!! Even though he's a sugar baby already shsghsbas ;;; Or you can choose whichever you like best between them??? I will be happy with every crumb I can get 🙏

warnings: mentions of s*x and sugar daddy/sugar baby relationships, hoshuimi is a nosy bitch, yaku has the confidence of a god (must be a leo thing) kenma is so cute ahhh, Hinata just wants someone to love and call mommy, i really love this. implied fem!reader for hinata, although i guess you could call a gn person or a male reader mommy. whatever floats your boat.

a/n: this was very fun. ;)

Kageyama:

what the fuck

how did he even get a sugar baby?

great question

it happened because he had a fuckton of money and had no idea what to do with it

and hoshuimi, of course

cause hoshiumi's a nosy lil bitch

saw kageyama checking his bank account app on his phone and was like

WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH MONEY

it's cause he never spends it

hoshuimi offhandedly tells him he should get a sugar baby

later that night kageyama googles what a sugar baby is

he's shook

doesn't think about it for months

until he gets this ad for a "meet sugar babies" website on a volleyball video he was watching

he thinks oh hell, why not

so he signs up, and meets you

he's so awkward oh my god

but you think it's adorable, and you're glad he's not some old dude

he doesn't know what to do so he asks you a lot of questions about what you like and stuff

the first thing he sends you, i kid you not, was a fucking volleyball

you call and ask him about it and he's like:

"it's the best quality"

you keep it.

eventually he starts sending you stuff you ask for, which works out better for both of you

you help him with the concept of a 'luxury life'

eventually gets a black card and literally just says:

"please use it for me, i don't know how"

and you're like damn okay

the first time you attempt to do something sexual he literally short circuits

you have to explain to him that a sugar baby usually repays their sugar daddy/mommy with sexual favors

he makes the 😮 face

he didn't even think you were sexually interested in him?

he'd be lying if he didn't think you were the most beautiful thing he's ever seen

and he's definitely had some um, not so pure dreams about you

and definitely jacked off to the pictures you've sent him

which he just thought was to show him what you liked

so god if he didn't fucking jump your bones right then and there

it was uh, intense, to say the least

best sex of your life

and the cuddles afterwards? on point.

you two get very attached

he really really likes you

introduces you to the team

which was embarrassing

eventually, you decide you want to become financially independent, and so you tell him you want to cancel the agreement

he fucking cries

he so desperately doesn't want to lose you

cause he's fallen in love with you

he tells you about all of the feelings and how you make him want to do anything for you and he's sobbing while telling you

you're shook, because you've kinda been developing feelings too

so you're like, okay, no sugar daddy stuff, be my boyfriend instead

total 180°

tackles you and holds you, on the floor, for like 3 hours

he still spoils you, it's a habit of his now

but you don't really mind, because you have one hell of a man by your side

(gimmie a kageyama pls)

Yaku:

knows exactly what he's doing and knows exactly what he wants.

You.

he probably met you at some sort of event, you going because you were the personal manager for some really weird guy there

he knew he wanted you the second he saw you

and he was straight up about it too

we're talking like walking up to you and saying:

"quit your job, let me take care of you."

and you're surprised, because who just says that?

you don't even know what happened, but you said yes

quit your job that night, and left with him

yeah, you fucked on the first night but so what?

he is the best sugar daddy omg

he already knows what you like just by looking at you

(no he doesn't, he's just called Alisa so many times she swears her phone is gonna break)

he's more of a surprising you with what he's gonna buy kind of guy, but he always enjoys when you surprise him

he takes you everywhere with him

he has a game in another country? you're going. guaranteed.

he just always wants to be near you

it's clearly more than a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship from the start

and he likes it that way

he just doesn't want to make you uncomfortable, so he doesn't say anything

you two fuck....a lot

it's clearly not because of the arrangement anymore

you're just naturally drawn to each other

it's intense

and you spend a lot of time together, not only because he literally takes you everywhere

just because you like it

there'll be periods of time where he doesn't buy you anything and you don't buy anything either, but you still stick around and you still have sex

and that's when he knows you actually have feelings for him

HE'S SO HAPPY OMG

you've been in the arrangement for several years

you're practically dating

and so one day he just asks you to marry him and you're like

fuck yes

who wouldn't want to marry yaku morisuke?

cause i sure as hell want to marry him

Kenma:

i think kenma likes to watch twitch streams in the background while he's playing his games

it's just relaxing

with a fake account, of course, he didn't need all the hype from when he joined their stream

one day, a streamer he was watching ended their steam and raided yours

he first heard your voice and was SHOOK

you had the prettiest voice he'd ever heard

so he looked at his computer screen and nearly died

how could someone have such a pretty voice and a pretty face?

wildly unfair, he thought to himself

at first it was just a low-key thing

he'd watch your streams, whenever you were streaming

it was a miracle you two never streamed at the same time

you were just his go to relaxation method

one day, he heard you mention offhandedly that you were struggling with money

and so you know what he did?

donated 10k

he was already basically in love with you, so why not help you out?

and your reaction was perfect

you started smiling so hard, and thanking him over and over

it put a smile on his face for the next week, kuroo though he was sick

and he did it again, the week after

and again

and again

and so finally you messaged him asking why he kept sending you so much money

and he just sent you his number, with the message "call me"

you were so nervous

but you did

AND OH MY GOD IT WAS KODZUKEN?

WHAT?

you were such a big fan

and you really didn't know what to do

he was ever so kind, (lmao no) and just said:

"let me take care of you. i don't want you to ever have to stop streaming and go find a job that makes you more money."

you're so surprised you can't even speak

WHO SAYS THAT??

KENMA FUCKING KOZUME, APPARENTLY

you agree so hesitantly, and he notices

"you deserve it, please don't feel bad. i want to spend my money on you."

"o-okay"

"good."

and so that's exactly what he does, he'll just send you money every week

and little trinkets too, stuff you've mentioned in your streams or in the calls you'll have

you don't live close at all, but you wanted to meet up

he was sooooo nervous

kuroo, yet again, thought he was sick

and he probably was

but he came to you, and you just walked around a little, you showing him your favorite things about your city

he was just staring at you the whole time

he had come to stay with you for a week

and insisted that you stayed in a hotel with him, even though your house was literally right there

you slept in different beds

until one night you just got really paranoid about the horror game you played earlier

so you walked over and just got into bed with him

he was half asleep, but all he knew was the person of his dreams was laying in a bed next to him and he would hate himself in the morning if he didn't hold you close as physically possible

you woke up in each other's arms

annnnd that's when you both knew you were done for

he asked you to move in the day before he left

you said yes

(now i want a kenma too)

Hinata:

oh my god what a baby

he just wanted someone to be with, really

atsumu was the one who suggested it

after kenma stopped sponsoring Hinata, he ended up learning how to manage his money and he was really good at it??

he invested well and now had a loooot of money

he was talking about his money like a Grown Man

and atsumu was like,

"do ya spend any of it?"

"yeah, on my investments"

"no, i meant like on yourself"

"well for food and stuff"

"LIKE FOR ENJOYMENT"

"m-my gym membership?"

"oh my fucking god"

so atsumu tells him to get a sugar baby

"a baby? i don't have the time for a child!!!"

queue atsumu literally dying inside

he shows Hinata an app and is like,

"don't worry, they're all grown"

"oh"

so atsumu helps him fill out the profile for the app

atsumu uwu's inside when he sees Hinata checked the box for 'emotional fulfillment only'

cause like, what a precious baby

anyway, a couple hours later he gets a match

and he's like

"WOAH ATSUMU LOOK LOOK HOW PRETTY THEY ARE"

"damn, okay hinata, nice kill"

he's so happy to find someone to talk to besides his family and volleyball friends

you two talk

ALL

THE

TIME

and he sends you the cutest things omg

like a little plushie he saw? in the mail the next day

some MSBY merch? yeah, he's sending that too

little snacks he thinks you'd like? yep, those are going too

he sends you the stereotypical sugar baby stuff too, like pretty dresses and suits and lingerie and jewelry

he was blushing so hard when he tried to put the lingerie in the mail, atsumu had to do it for him

a couple days later, you send him a picture of you wearing it

he

wow

sure, he knew you were pretty, and was undeniably physically attracted to you

but he'd never felt like that

he took the LONGEST shower

he couldn't even message you till the next morning because he knew he'd have to look at the picture and god he'd never get to bed if he looked at it any more

he was surprised in the morning when he had messages from you saying sorry and that you shouldn't have sent it and that you didn't mean to make him uncomfortable

that you would understand if he wanted to call off the arrangement

he was like WHAT???? NOOOO

so he drives alll the way to where you live and pounds on your door

you're like hinata what?

"PLEASE DON'T THINK THAT I HATE YOU AND WANT TO CANCEL THE ARRANGEMENT I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO YOU LOOKED SO PRETTY AND I JUST I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT AND THEN I STARTED THINKING ABOUT BAD THINGS LIKE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF YOU DID NAUGHTY THINGS TO ME AND I WANT IT I WANT IT REALLY BAD I-"

you're kissing him

wait

YOU'RE KISSING HIM???

holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit

he doesn't know what to do

he's desperately trying to process what you're doing, but with your tongue shoved down his throat that's a little hard

so you know what he does?

he fucking whines

and you're like ohhhh shittttt

yeah you fuck

and you get the nickname mommy

which you love

such a sweet relationship

yes, relationship

you got together

he's so happy

looks like he got laid all the time

(which he usually did, but that's beside the point)

he's just giddy

and it's the cutest thing

10/10 relationship, please cherish him forever

(now i want a kageyama, yaku, kenma and a hinata DAMNIT)

oh my god this was so fun and perfect

@warmbearhugs i'm so glad we talked about with this, and i'm so glad you requested it

taglist: @warmbearhugs wow, i've tagged you 3 times in this post now @beanst0ck @your-local-abyss @oof-she-needs-therapy @tendouthighs @oyasenpai @senkuwu-chan @lovetsuki @kuroos-babie @keijination

send an ask to be added to the taglist!

[dollsonmain]

Not what I should have been doing downstairs, but I did get some more little Dollar Tree crates (which are different than the ones I have...) so went down there to shuffle some ponies.

100% unhappy with my pony display area.

100%.

I just can’t make it what I want with what I have or what is available.

I need specifically sized and spaced risers, which means making them myself, and I don’t WANT to. It hurts.

I could theoretically get a fuckton of the mini crates and a bunch of binder clips and make a modular, low pain for me kind of display stairs thing, but if I’m going to spend [more] money on a display, might as well buy the foamboard and make proper ones.

Either way I was moving ponies and these pony’s hair felt bad.

I must have done those with Mane n Tail. Mane n Tail is a lovely conditioner for organic hair, but did nothing for synthetics. So these 4 are going through salon again, and also Sweet Stuff is getting her hair curled. Heart Throb and Bonnie Bonnets might get curled, too. And maybe Sweet Tooth.

I don’t know I’ll figure it out.

When I get into the mood to curl hair, anyway.

I am not in the mood right now I’m crabby right now.

[mitchmarner]

are canadian universities cheaper than american ones for law school? given what you’ve said it doesn’t..... seem like it (also because i think i want to apply to law school in the future- any tips for the process? what’d you major in?) (sorry for making your blog Extra law-school-y haha)

In a one for one full sticker price matchup, Canadian ones are generally cheaper (minus uoft). However, US law schools give a ton of scholarships so I have some pretty cheap US options whereas Canada doesn’t really do scholarships (they do a little but you basically assume you don’t get one). However, I want to move to Canada so I’m willing to pay a little more per year for a Canadian school— if you want to practice in the US, stay in the US. I was a political science major, but you should study whatever you enjoy most and think can maximize your grades. Schools don’t give a shit what you major in; you are just two numbers to them, so focus on getting the best GPA you can. Also, take the LSAT with enough time for one to two retakes before you send in your applications. You don’t want to take it late fall of application season and be scrambling for a retake in late winter if you don’t get your best score— I took mine in August so I could take October and November if I needed to and still have my apps complete before the new year, but I actually wish I’d done it even earlier. Getting your applications in early is an advantage because there are more available spots and more available scholarship money. If you’re in undergrad right now, just focus on doing things you enjoy, building relationships with professors, and then becoming absolutely neurotic and spending all your time on the r/lsat and r/lawschooladmissions reddits when the time comes (it’s an amazing resource for learning about study tips and applications, but do yourself a favor and log off it once your applications are turned in and interviews at schools completed because you’ll make yourself into a total mess just watching decision waves be released and overthink). Also, I took a year off after graduating and I’m really glad I did because burnout is real and schools will also love if you can get some work experience before law school. Be prepared to spend a fuckton of money on this process. It isn’t cheap. I had fee waivers for every American school I applied to and only bought LSAT prep books, no classes or anything, and had to spend approx $2000 on this process. LSAC makes it basically impossible to get need based waivers. TLDR; major in what you love, don’t focus on the process right now beyond some general thought to whether you think you might enjoy law (I joined a pre-law frat which was helpful in meeting lawyers and making sure I wanted to do law), and live your life until the time comes for you to apply.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again

a new and exciting slate of problems. when there’s shit going on, i either consume media relentlessly or not at all. last week was a boom week.

listening we are firmly in new england fall melancholy, where it is gray and damp and everything smells like apple cider that’s about to turn. ad space by beat connection is on my “sad rain” playlist, as opposed to my “cozy rain” playlist. it sounds like rain on a sunday when you’re approaching sad because the weekend is almost over and you didn’t get much done because of the rain, but it’s very tempting o clamber back into bed bc of the rain and you don’t really mind.

What you sayin', what you do Don't matter at all I just wanted it to all add up to you

disclaimer: my favorite former housemate/best friend’s cousin is in this band, i have a fuckton of merch from them, they bought me pad thai once after a gig.

reading too many articles on historical methods of m/ouse trapping, bc, like, how DID we come up with the modern m/ousetrap? those are a little too upsetting to link here. the slashes are so the very nice people who keep them as pets (for reasons unfathomable to me) don’t have to see this dumb post in their tag

watching deca-dence. well worth the three-episode rule, mostly bc of the really incredible plot twist. do you like nonsexualized female leads? do you like postapoc mechpunk AND cyberpunk at the same time? does your life philosophy match up with pacific rim’s “punch the shit out of everything in your way”? do you like small flying machines? do you like a glimpse into a mobile fortress that has an extensive noncombatant population in order to support its warrior class??? WATCH DECA-DANCE. TWELVE EPS. HULU. AND THEN YELL ABOUT IT WITH ME

playing genchin impact, the hot new open-world rpg/gacha game. it is anime as fuck. there is some sort of fun error happening between my vintage mac keyboard and the game and gamebar and where screenshots end up so here is one of the less bad shots of this haunted shrine/thing that spits out weapon upgrade items. sidebar: love me a sarcastic ice twink.

you may be familiar with this flavor of game as phone games, where you have to spend money on ten random chances/pulls to get the jpeg of your preferred anime waifu. i’ve always been too poor to put money into gachas and i spent too much of my childhood near atlantic city, which has been my saving grace so far as gambling goes.

it is a shockingly pretty game- there are a number of vistas and vignettes it’s presented to me where i have literally gasped out loud- i’m in the Fantasy China realm right now and by god do i love a good pond/garden combo.

the puzzles have generally been okay, in a “oh huh how DOES this all come together?” way. they’re not very complicated nor do they make me think very hard, usually it’s just interacting with things in the environment in a specific order or activating things with a certain element, or the old standby turning a bunch of stuff. it scratches the assassins’ creed itch of “HUH how DO i get the fuck up there”? much like that game, you see a thing, you can get there somehow. maybe skyrim is a better comparison? you see a mountain you can absolutely climb that thing.

so far, i’m in the sweet spot of the middle of the rpg where i’m at a decent level, can get through most things presented to me, the time-locked aspects aren’t irritating yet, and i haven’t entered the endgame where it does seem like you absolutely will have to pay to win. right now it is well worth its price tag of free. 

i have another post in my head about how the generic magic fodder enemies have a surprisingly robust culture BUT i don’t think this game will turn into haHA YOU ARE THE BADDIE ALL ALONG. however, i have been given missions where i interrupted induction ceremonies, the building of towns and fortresses, and am able to kill enemies while they sleep. don’t love that.

making i gave up trying to take a nice picture of this little gradient patch of sky in the unending space sampler

[syndianites]

The After; The Athar: Chapter One

Chapter 1/?

Chapter 1 [Here] - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5

AO3: This Chapter - Full Fic

Summary: Post Season 2, non-Mianitian Compliant. The crew finally land back into the world after the events of Ruxomar. That should be a good thing, right? But Wag is feeling the burden of everything that has happened to him, and he didn’t even get his magic back to boot.

It’s hard to be happy when life has been so shitty.

Relationships: Sparklington (end-game), Marthlington (temporarily), Sparkanite (Spark x Ianite) (past, mentioned), Motanite

Content Warnings: Death Mentions, Implied Depression, Implied PTSD, Self-Deprecation, Breaking up a Relationship (Marthlington)

AN: I’ve been working on this since September? of 2019! I have 5 chapters done and still going. I wanted to wait to post this until I was done with it, but my impatience has gotten the better of me.

@the-moon-pal I’m coming for your crown king >:)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They’d made it home a couple weeks ago, to the land of Mianite. It’d been such a relief. They got to meet the rest of the alts, got to watch Dianite meet the other gods- and cringe at the tension that crackled between them- got to find all their homes again. For once, in the past-however-long, there was peace. They could relax.

So why did Wag feel like utter shit?

Right. Because he literally got the worst part of the deal.

He thought his powers would come back when they got home. And they did, for a few hours. Not the full range, but a lot of it. It felt good to be full of magic again. It felt like he was himself.

But then things started to fall apart. Martha grew distant. His powers fell away in fits and bursts. He realized that the rest of FyreUK had moved on after they made amends in Ruxomar. They found their way on. Without him.

Nothing was the same, he realized, as he spent more time around the place they had called ‘home.’

Spark had done what he did best: built a city. Well, more like a village. What had once been a place of buildings thrown about at random and mostly open plains was now sparsely populated. Neatly arranged shops and a few houses took up the space next to the beach. New people had even begun to show up.

Everything was changing around him, yet he was stuck holding onto the past. Holding onto his wizardhood, to his brotherhood, to a partner that was farther now than ever, and- worst of all- he was still holding onto the hope that everything would just… go back. To how it was.

To when he was important.

Well, like fuck is he was going to sit around and loathe his existence. He could at least try to do something. Swear to Athar, he wasn’t going to turn into a lump of depression just because he couldn’t handle change! He’d rather be a walking mass of depression! That way he could at least pretend he was being productive.

Potions or spellbooks? A question as old as time. Potions were a staple in his life. If there was one thing that would never leave him, it was his ability to make fucking potions. Like, fucking make potions. Not potions to help people fuck. On the other hand, the more he poured through spellbooks, the more likely he was to get closer to finding out how to get his powers back.

Maybe his powers left when FyreUK left, taking all the glory of Athar with it. But that was too terrible of a thought, so that got chucked in the ‘not-today-bitch’ bin. Which was a handy dandy mental bin that stored all of his worst problems.

He never could fit himself in it, though.

So potions it was.

Now that he was out of the business of magic, most of his money came from his potion making. He had made yet another little wizard- alchemist? Potion master?- tower. Plopped some advertisements in el Pueblo de Spark and took orders to pass the time. He had to fund his botany experiments somehow.  Someone had to introduce weed into this world, that might as well be him.

If he was going down in history for something, that wasn’t ‘Word Renowned Wizard Extraordinaire’, then ‘The Guy who Made Weed’ would sure as hell work. 

Wag pulled up his log of orders. Luck, luck, dexterity, healing, luck, love- yeah, those didn’t really work but he’d make it anyways-, strength, luck, yadda, yadda, yadda. Lots of luck. He could probably get away with making a batch or two of luck potions, then work through the rest.

He spared a glance outside. Spark’s little hut-square town was beginning to develop into a pleasant little fishing hole. Surprisingly- or not, given how deep the waters were nearby- the place was actually a fairly hot place for single fish to mingle. Warm waters, nice and deep, lots of cover, and not much human interference. Until now, anyway.

Either the fishermen were starting to get a fair amount of revenue going or they really needed help. Luck potions were among his most expensive. The ingredients were hard to acquire regardless of how you made it.

Rabbit’s foot? Morally and physically hard to get a hold of. Rainbow trout? Terribly rare. ‘Star-light Fruit’? Not even confirmed to exist.

His method was a little more straightforward. A butt load of four-leaf clovers, a tiny bit of alcohol, and a fuckton of glitter. Clovers for the magic, glitter for the look, and alcohol for the feeling of being lucky.

It was a very bullshit potion.

It took forever to find the clovers, let alone collect them.

Athar give him strength.

Giving one last look outside, he tucked his log book in his cloak. Then he went and rummaged through his chests.

Monotony here he comes.

~~~

Wag was halfway through his second batch of luck potions when a distant knock came from his door, followed by the sound of bells. If not for the bells he’d have ignored the knocking. With a stretch, he putzed down the stairs. The many flights of stairs.

He missed being able to make elevators.

Opening the door revealed one Mr. Sparklez, hair tousled but otherwise neatly groomed. He was relaxed, if not a little winded from his trek up the hill Wag claimed as his own.

Wag smiled. “Hey Sparklez, what brings you up to my tower of terror today? Here for a chat or a swanky danky potion?”

He gestured for Jordan to head inside and get comfortable, but the man waved him off. “Actually,” Jordan started, “I was wondering if you’d seen Martha? I needed to ask her something and I haven’t seen her all day. Figured she’d be with you.”

Ah, so Jordan wanted to find Martha.

Ouch.

Doing his best to ignore the squeeze in his chest, Wag kept his smile firmly in place. “No, I don’t think I have. She, uh.” He paused, going for a nonchalant shrug. “She doesn’t come around the tower all that often. I’d ask Spark instead. She tends to hang around him more. Her good ole pops and all, y’know. They do have a lot to catch up on.” Wag tried to ignore how weak his words sounded. He didn’t want it to sound weird that Martha wouldn’t come around, but instead he just sounded pathetic.

Great.

Jordan gave Wag an awkward smile, seemingly uncomfortable with the sad display. “Ah, alright. I’ll ask around for Spark.” 

He turned to leave but caught himself before he was fully turned away. Jordan chewed on his words. “Are you-” His eyes swept over Wag. “How have you been? We don’t see you as much anymore. Other than Tom, I guess, but it's hard to get rid of Tom once he decides you’re friends, y’know?”

“I’ve been,” Wag wanted to laugh, but pushed through the sentence, “swell, thank you. I would get out more, but I’m always so busy potion making. Gotta pay the bills somehow.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue. It wasn’t the exact truth, but he did spend a lot of time on potions.

Letting his shoulders settle, Jordan gave a small laugh. “Who would press a wizard to pay bills? Someone who wants to catch on fire, I’m sure.” He opted for a friendly smile. “If you ever want to hang out or something, let me know. I’ve been getting kind of bored between Spark telling me how to be a better champion of Ianite and living in an actual, peaceful society.”

Wag waved after Jordan as he began his descent. Yeah, a wizard. A frown tugged at his face while he shut the door.

A real fucking wizard.

~~~

Making potions was rather methodical. Each step took a certain amount of time, each item had certain effects, meshed certain ways with other items. It was like following a recipe, but with bigger consequences for messing up. Cooler results, though.

Wag had just finished melting down the clovers he’d gathered and extracting the essence- which is to say he lit it on fire after sprinkling a generous amount of blaze powder on it- when Jordan had stopped by. Which was convenient, since he needed to wait for the weird half-liquid half-slime to cool off enough to move it. The awkward potions, glitter, and alcohol were already prepped. Now all he needed to do was mix shit together.

Oh joy.

At the very least, it was satisfying to roll the clover essence into little balls to plop into an awkward potion and then watch them dissolve. The clover gave the essence a natural, healthy green color while the blaze powder, which clung to even the most thoroughly washed slime, gave it something of a yellow highlight. Golden glitter gets dumped in to make it feel like you were about to drink something special. Yes, the glitter was edible. No, most people didn’t realize he put glitter in this shit. Then the alcohol was for that background buzz. It was meant to dull the senses just enough to trick people into believing, wholeheartedly, in whatever god-forsaken abomination he just made.

Sorry. What ever divinely crafted, totally safe potion he’d just made.

Sure, he didn’t test it himself, but it seemed to work well enough for the people he gave it to. So where was the harm?

It was fine.

The next part was perhaps the most boring. And he’d spent all day yesterday crawling on the ground looking for four-leaf clovers.

Tagging and packaging. Writing names on slips of paper, tying them to the potion, putting it in a small, padded box to prevent any breaks. Rinse, repeat. It was annoying, wasted money, all that jazz, but it helped the look. Who wants to be handed a regular old potion, by hand, when you can get it in some majestic looking box to really add some sparkle to your magic?

Maybe Ruxomar rubbed off on him in a bad way.

In any case, the look was important, and by Athar was he going to make it look fucking fantastic.

Unfortunately, this task was also terribly, horribly monotonous. Worse yet, it left room for thinking. And thinking was Wag’s least favorite pastime since floating in the Void. Especially since floating in the Void.

It lead to him thinking deeply about himself and Athar knows that most of his life problems could be traced right back to that. His mistakes, his fuck ups, his shortcomings, all of it came back to him thinking way too hard about himself. 

Gross.

Instead, he tried to run over potion recipes in his mind. Or any recipe, really. All the different ways to make a fire resistance potion when you don’t have magma cream. Counting how many potions used lemongrass. Figuring out what potions would make it more likely to catch fish. Literally anything. As long as it was potions, it was fine.

Not about himself, not about Athar, not about wizards, and not about… Martha.

Yeah, that last one would be a one hit k-o. 

But now that his mind had touched on the subject, it dug in. Sunk it's claws into the delicate stability of his mind. Dramatic, he knows, but that’s how it felt. It was like the more he tried to get the thought out of his mind, the further it burrowed into him. Awful, painful, and not even worth the effort.

Martha… clearly didn’t care about him anymore. Or, well. He winced at the thought. She didn’t love him like she used to. If she, uh. Did in the first place. But this was old news. This was something he pondered after she seemed to avoid him like the plague, seemed to grimace when she looked over and saw him and not him.

Steve.

The name sat heavy in his head. They hadn’t meshed well, ‘specially where Martha was concerned. But they managed, for her, because they loved her.

Wag felt guilty, looking back on it now. For stealing their time together, for messing with their relationship. They hadn’t gotten to be together enough, had lost too much time before-

Yeah, he didn’t like thinking about Steve more than he didn’t like thinking about Martha. Wag didn’t feel like he deserved to think the name, let alone put himself up against his image. Steve was a hero. He rebelled against Helgrind in a cunning, intelligent way, he was selfless in more aspects than any of the heroes that appeared in Ruxomar, and he was the one to sacrifice the most. To sacrifice it all.

Where did Wag stand against that?

Honestly, it was no wonder Martha couldn’t stand to look at him. He was just a reminder of Steve, a reminder that she didn’t have Steve. That she had him instead. 

Had she ever loved him?

That wasn’t the point. The point was that Martha was hurting, trying to pick up the pieces of what she left behind in Ruxomar. What she had lost. And Wag wasn’t doing anything to help. He was stuck up in his tower, making potions, trying to forget about everything that he wasn’t.

He should try to look for her.

But the last time he did, he got turned away. She was “catching up with her father.” She was “busy settling into the new world.” She was “trying to get a grip on her new goddesshood.”

Wag was persistent, but even he could get the hint.

By Athar, he got the hint. “I don’t want to see you.” “Don’t come near me.” “You can’t help me.” 

He wondered if Spark was doing anything to help her or if he was also caught up in everything that had happened. From what he had learned about the man in Ruxomar, he was devoted to his wife. No, he gave everything for his wife. Learning she was dead after working up everything to see her again?

He had played it well. When he heard the news, Spark kept strong, only letting his tears show. If he had gone home later after parting with Martha, who had her own grief and guilt, crumbling on the inside no one would know. And if he had locked himself away and let everything loose, let himself break, none would be the wiser. But they could guess, they could give him a passing glance, a thoughtful frown.

Wag wondered if he still carried that grief around with him.

Spark had taken to trying to discipline Jordan to be a better champion of Ianite. It had made the man uncomfortable with getting told he could be a better follower and all. Or rather, having it implied that he wasn’t the best follower. Spark was stubborn in ‘training’ the champion of Ianite to be a full fledged follower.

Still, Jordan didn’t appreciate the sentiment.

Wag understood. Having the husband of the very goddess you watched die get on your case about being a better follower? When the crushing weight of guilt hadn’t fully let off your shoulders? He wondered if Spark hadn’t taken to coaching Jordan to make himself feel better, to remind himself that he would have kept Ianite safe, that he would have fixed the world before it broke out from under them.

It sounded like torture.

But it helped settle Wag. Call him selfish, but he felt better knowing other people had real problems, real grief, to deal with. Sure, Wag had his hang up with Martha. Yeah, he had his issues with being-a-wizard-yet-not. But he wasn’t as close to neck deep as Spark was. Like Martha was.

He wished belittling his problems made them feel less suffocating.

Martha. Martha was still pushing him away. And he was letting her. What did that say about him? About their relationship?

A sigh heaved out of his chest. It was like someone stuck a large rock right in his rib cage, tucked neatly between his lungs. Hard, heavy, and an all around burden. Potions. He needed to think about potions.

His hands betrayed him with a subtle shake. How many names did he have left to write? How many boxes did he have left to pack? Fuck if he knew. He had to keep counting, to find a way to wrap up all his issues, his panic, his fear, into a nice little package and tuck it away like a forgotten gift.

Athar help me, Wag tried to control his thoughts, I might drive myself insane by the end of the year.

As if on cue, another knock at his door broke his thoughts. He tried not to feel relieved to rush away from his potion packaging. He was fine, cool as a cucumber.

Throwing open the door, he came face to face with his second visitor of the day. Tom.

Tom was standing in front of his door almost uncertainly, like he wasn’t quite sure why or how he got there. He took one sweep over Wag’s unhidden face and a determined, focus look set in on his own.

“We,” Tom looped his arm around Wag’s in a sudden movement, “are going out somewhere. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.” 

Eyebrows shooting up, Wag let himself be dragged from his house with an aborted motion to close the door behind him. He mournfully watched his door stay ajar. Hopefully no one else ventured up the hill today, otherwise he might be down a few potions.

“Why?” Wag turned his attention back to Tom, who was resolute in his intention of pulling Wag away to Athar knows where.

A grin was shot in his direction. “You look like you need to get out of the house. Also, I’m real fuckin’ bored and you’re clearly in need of some company.”

A wry smile snuck on Wag’s face. “Oh lucky me. We should get some tea, live up to our trademark.”

Tom nodded. “Absolutely. Let’s hit town. Fuck it up. Flaunt our hero-ness and get shit faced.”

“Let’s not get shit faced, and especially not get kicked out of town for making a ruckus.” Wag fondly rolled his eyes. “I do quite like living here and it’d be a shame to have to follow you around to make sure you don’t die.”

Tom gave a mocked offended gasp, free hand coming up to his forehead as he leaned away. “How dare you! I’ll have you know I’d never die if I didn’t live in a community. I’m a rogue, don’t you know.” He sniffed. “I can easily hold my own in the dangerous wilds.”

“Without anyone to pester and annoy?”

“I can pester anything!”

Wag bit his lip to stop a laugh. Tom always brought such energy with him. It was refreshing. Maybe he was right, he just needed some company.

He wouldn’t say that to his face, though.

“I suppose so,” Wag continued, “You are rather persistent. I bet you could annoy the sun into setting early.”

“Nah, I’d blow that fucker up instead.” Tom winked, snuggled back up to Wag, effectively trapping his arm. “I still think we should get shit faced. Drink our sorrows into the drain, throw them up another day.” 

Wag mock gagged. “I’d rather keep them down the drain, thank you. Besides, what a waste of alcohol. If I’m drinking, I’m drinking to keep it down. Not!” He quickly cut Tom off, “That I want to go out drinking.” He eyed the sky, giving a disapproving look to Tom when he saw that it was still early afternoon. “No one should be getting drunk before the sun touches the horizon.”

With a pout, Tom leaned into Wag’s side. “Lame. I suppose,” he drew out the word, “we could go get some good old fashioned tea. Call it a pre-game without the game.”

Wag rolled his eyes. He wasn’t looking to out game his issues. That wasn’t a solution. It’d just make him turn into a sad drunk and give him a headache in the morning.

This is why he needed weed back.

But also, he didn’t want to develop another problem. Gotta keep it clean. For now.

Tom still had his own plans, alcohol or no alcohol. “I find when I’m feeling down that doing something batshit stupid makes me feel better. We should go fishing with our bare hands- no, with only our teeth- and no shirt on. Attract ladies and gents to us alike. Are they looking at our finely chiseled chests or our daring courage? Who’s to say.”

“You are far from chiseled my friend. Try soft.” Wag poked Tom in the stomach jokingly. “And who said that I’m feeling down?”

“Hey!” Tom swatted his hand away. “I’ll have you know I’m more ripped than you’ll ever be!” He huffed, squeezing Wag’s arm. They walked in silence for a moment, now upon the town. After wandering the street for a second, Tom spoke again, quieter. “I had this feeling.” Wag eyes him. “It was weird. My gut was telling me to check in on you. And then when you opened the door it was written on your face. Even I’m not dumb enough to miss that.” 

Wag heard the unspoken I was worried carried in Tom’s words. Talk about soft. He squeezed Tom’s arm back. “Oh wow, a gut feeling?” He teased lightly, “I think it was just you missing my magical presence. It is hard to go too long without seeing me.” If only that were true. “But I’m here now, and we can go do something absolutely stupid, just for you.”

They share a smile, a quiet thank you floating between them.

Tom gets a glint in his eyes. “Does this mean we can go catch fish with our bare hands?”

“I suppose so.” Wag drawled. “How else are we going to show off our toned figures?”

That got him a laugh, one concerningly maniacal, and he was dragged between houses.

Yeah, he might regret this.

Tom turned and gave him a smile that was all teeth and no common sense. He paused next to the shore, a little ways off from the docks. Shucking his clothes, one Tom Syndicate stood proudly in his underwear, unconcerned about the effect of sunlight on zombified skin. People gave them a look of distaste.

Oh, he was definitely going to regret this. 

~~~

Soggy was one way to describe how Wag felt. Wet as shit was another. All in all, he was rather pleased with himself and the rather large, shiny fish sitting in his lap. The fish which so happened to be a fair amount larger than Tom’s.

“Oh fuck you.” Tom spluttered around a mouthful of fish, laying down an arm’s length away. He had gathered quite an amount of fish, a solid number for catching something with your mouth alone. None of them were that large. In fact, most were an average, if not slightly below, size.

Wag eyed the pile smugly. He may have only caught two, but damn if he didn’t go big.

“Well, it seems that I’ve caught myself a winner.” He tried not to look too pleased. The look on Tom’s face told him he failed.

Tom scoffed, letting the fish fall to the sandy floor with a wet fwop. “You got lucky! Clearly, quantity wins the game here. Sure, you caught one big, old, dumb motherfucker, but I caught a dozen other dumbass fish! I should get the win.”

“Wasn’t size the goal here?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think you do.”

Before Tom could fire back, a voice from behind interrupted him. “I think the two fools sitting in their underwear soaked to the bone are both losers.”

Wag tilted his head back to see Tucker standing with his hands in his pockets, back slouched, and an easy smile on his face, standing just where the sand turned to grass. Next to him was one lovely fox lady, Sonja herself, and one Sparkle butt, Jordan.

Nice to see the gang all here.

Tom sat up. “How dare you! I’ll have you know we are the best fishers on the island!”

Tucker raised a single eyebrow. “Really now? Are all the other fishers out at sea today?”

“Well excuse you, Mr. Boner. I’ll have you know we caught all of this,” Tom sweeps his arm across their score. “And I think that’s quite the haul.”

“How long did it take you?”

“Fuck you.”

Tucker snickered, moving closer to poke his foot into Tom’s side. “That’s what I thought.”

Wag, meanwhile, was carefully moving his prize to the side so he could stand up. Brushing the sand off himself, he exchanged a smile with Sonja and a nod with Jordan. Sonja gave him a good natured headshake. “And here I thought you were smarter than this.”

Jordan’s eyes trailed down Wag’s chest before flittering away. “Right down to your boxers? Tom must have gotten you good.”

“Well, I was fairly set on getting a nice cup of tea and walking across the beach, hand in hand like real lovers, but Tom was far more intent to go all macho and catch fish with his mouth alone.” Wag leaned in with a hand against his mouth to give a stage whisper. “Between you and me, I think he’s trying to step up his oral game.” He winked.

Jordan groaned, giving Wag what he thought to be a rather dramatic eye roll. That wasn’t even the worst he had to offer, and he’d given him such an easy setup! Sonja waggled her eyebrows and giggled when Tom butted in. “It’ll never be as good as yours dear.” He batted his eyelashes mock innocently.

The group burst into laughter. Tucker stepped closer, swinging an arm around his vaguely damp shoulders. “Hey, it’s nice to see you out and about man. It’s been a hot second. Almost thought you’d drank the wrong potion and kicked it or something.” 

Wag nodded seriously. “Quite the real possibility. Why, just yesterday I almost drank real glitter! The kind you’re not supposed to eat.”

“Been there,” Sonja added, “I thought I was going to die when I did. Just gave me a very colorful trip to the bathroom.”

Tom grinned as he moved to elbow Jordan in the side. “I bet our good ole Captain here wouldn’t know the difference. How else did he get his namesake, right Mr. Sparkley Butt?”

“Hardy har,” Jordan gave Tom a fondly disgusted look. “The name’s Captain Sparklez, that ‘namesake’ came from you giving me a stupid nickname.”

They fell into more chatter, giving Tom and Wag the time to put their clothes back on, Tom not caring that he was still wet as he put his suit back on, while Wag just slung his cloak over himself. No point in putting pants on over wet underwear.

The group, all now clothed to some extent, began to wander back towards town. Wag was more than content to listen to Tom ramble on. He would get interrupted by Tucker when he said something ‘incredibly stupid’ and, more rarely, by Jordan, who would correct some technical thing that Tom clearly did not give a shit about.

Sonja drifted next to him, giving Wag a conspiratorial smile. “You’re looking mighty fine in just a robe and boxers. Is this the bedroom Wag special? Or is that sans boxers?” 

“The bedroom Wag special is whatever you want it to be.” He winked. “It’s magic all around.”

They exchanged a laugh, falling silent again.

Wag knew that wasn’t what Sonja really wanted to talk about.

She looked back at him, a warm look in her eyes. “It’s nice. To see you out. Been a while, y’know?” Sonja stretched her arms out in front of her. “It really has been a bit since we’ve talked. And since you’ve left the house. But honestly?” Her tail swishes behind her. “I could have made a few more treks up that damn mountain myself.”

Shaking his head, Wag elbowed her side lightly. “It is a fairly tall hill, but I think mountain is a bit of an overstatement.” It was, in fact, a bitch of a climb, but Wag didn’t think it was that bad. He’d put the tower just on the other side of the Glowstone Forest, across from the Priest’s house. (What was it called again? Forest of the Void? Abyss Forest? Obsidian Trees? Yeah, he didn’t know or care). 

Left unsaid was a ‘That’s okay, you don’t have to go out of your way’.

He received an eye roll. “Please, the only trek worse than that is up to where Tucker’s first house was. I was so happy when we moved it down the mountain. Well, into.”

It’s no trouble, her words left hanging, I don’t mind.

Wag huffed. How dare she be considerate. “You know what’s worse than a trek up a mountain? A trek up a mountain to get some rare flower, only to be spited by the universe and have not a single flower growing up there. Honestly, I could use some help from someone so used to climbing mountains.” A smirk pulled at his face. “Or maybe just send someone up there for me.”

We could always hang out when I’m playing master botanist. If you’d like.

Sonja smiled at him, but couldn’t resist getting a dig in. “Aw, did you skip leg day? Have some chicken legs over there? That’s alright, I’m sure someone,” she tilts her head, eyes sweeping past the buildings around them, “would be willing. Get a nice little lackey so you can rest your old bones at home and complain about how the cold makes your joints stiff.” 

“How dare you,” Wag sniffed, hand held up to his heart. “I’ll have you know, my joints are just fine in the cold! Some of us just aren’t made of the cold, little miss fox.”

Sonja, ever so mature, stuck her tongue out at him.

They kept up some conversation, occasionally stopping to listen in to whatever Tom was saying. Wag, for a moment, realized that he had missed this. Missed them. That even though he wanted to avoid all the new things in this world, he’d always have his friends.

A quiet, hopeless voice asked if they’d leave him too.

~~~

There was nothing quite like hiking up a hill, in only your boxers, a little buzzed, during the night time. The pure amount of skeletons that had sniffed around looking for a cheap shot alone was bad enough, but the fact that his legs already hurt from struggling to fish with just his mouth without drowning? Yeah, it felt more like he was climbing up a mountain that was near vertical.

Fuck gravity.

A pit of warmth had settled in his chest a couple hours ago. Whether it was the alcohol that Tucker, of all people, had got the group into drinking or just the effect of being with friends for a while, Wag felt content. Not a common feeling in recent times. It was nice.

Really nice.

Upon reaching his door, his mind scrambled to figure out why it was left slightly open. He shrugged. As long as nothing was missing or stolen, he didn’t really care.

He made his way inside- making sure to actually close the door behind him- and wandered over to the stairs. Ah, his mortal enemy. Between being a wizard way back when and the magic rampant in Ruxomar, he had gotten way too used to avoiding stairs. Now it was a chore to move up and down the tower. But his bed was upstairs and he was not sleeping on the crappy couch he shoved into the lobby for guests or customers again.

So stairs it was.

By the time he got halfway up the stairs, he wanted to quit. Why, in Athar’s name, did he put his room on the third highest level? Stupidity, that’s why. The view was so not worth it.

When he actually made it up to the correct floor, he pushed the door to his room open, chucked his clothes to one side, and collapsed in bed. Now this, this was worth it. Soft, plush, warm, and very much without skeletons.

The less arrows being shot at him the better.

A soft chuckle caught his attention. Or rather, killed the peace he had wrapped around himself mere hours earlier.

He didn’t move. Not because he was scared. No, he knew who was in his room. He just wanted to pretend, for a moment, like this was something he was used to.

Like coming home to his lover being home wouldn’t surprise him.

The bed dipped beside him and his robed and boxer-ed glory. A hand ran through his hair. Wag tried not to tense.

“Seems like you had a good night out.” Her voice was like silk, soft and pleasant on his ears. “Hopefully they didn’t hassle you too much.”

Wag breathed. His chest was tight, emotion punching at his ribs. “Yeah,” he said, “It was nice to have some time with them again.”

All of this felt so forgein, now. To have her here. Was she here? Or did he drink more than he had originally thought. Shit.

Martha scratched his head. “I do have to say, I’m surprised that you actually left the tower. You’ve been holed up here for so long I thought I’d have to drag you out.” He could hear the smile in her voice. Or maybe he was imagining it. His head was a mess and he wasn’t quite sure what he was making up and what was real.

It was kind of pathetic.

He laughed. “Yeah, Tom showed up and dragged me out. Not complaining though, I had a lot of fun. It was nice to take off from work. Making potions gets boring.”

So did sitting in your own depressing thoughts, but that was more exhausting than boring.

“Oh,” Wag turned his head to face Martha, looking up at her. The darkness made her hair stand out. It looked like a halo around her face, bringing out her lovely lilac eyes. She was just as beautiful as the last time he’d seen her. But there was something heavy in her eyes that she tried to wipe away when his own reached her. “Jordan was looking for you earlier. Did he ever find you?”

Martha blinked and the heaviness was gone. Ish. He knew it was there. Somewhere.

“Ah, no.” She frowned. “I’ll have to see what he needs tomorrow.”

He nodded. To be honest, Wag wasn’t convinced Martha was actually sitting here with him. Which was kind of sad. Very sad.

“I can come with, if you’d like,” Wag rushed out, trying not to sound desperate. “We haven’t had much time together, which is understandable with your dad being around and all the stuff you need to do. And, y’know, it’d be nice to walk with you for a bit.”

Oh, he sounded so desperate.

Yikes.

A smile graced Martha’s lips. “Sure, I’d love that.” Wag let out a breath. “We’ll take a stroll, get a nice scenic view of the beach as we go, call it a date-” She cut off. The heaviness came back to her eyes. Wag knew what she was thinking. Who she was thinking about.

It hurt.

“I’m going to go take a shower before getting ready for bed. You can go ahead and sleep, if you’d like. I know you’ve had a long day and you’re probably tired. Don’t force yourself for me.” Martha stood as she said this, fingers trailing in his hair. Then she left.

Reluctantly, Wag got up to do just that. Changed his boxers and hung up his cloak. Buried himself back into bed, under the covers.

Yeah. It’d be a date.

~~~

Martha didn’t like to get up early. Neither did Wag. Normally, this lead to them sleepily cuddling until one felt so inspired as to get up. Normally.

Ever since the group returned to the land of Mianite, Martha didn’t sleep as well. Between nightmares, being a fledgling goddess, and the… absence of certain people, she found herself waking earlier and earlier.

Wag had his fair share of sleep troubles. Where sleep troubles stopped Martha from sleeping as much, it led to Wag sleeping more. The less he slept the more exhausted he was. The more exhausted he was the more he slept. It was a vicious cycle and actually the reason Wag didn’t leave the house as much.

Nonetheless, both found themselves getting ready to leave just after dawn. Martha moved like last night didn’t end awkward and uncomfortable. Bright, cheerful, and painfully affectionate with Wag. Like she hadn’t been avoiding him for the better part of their stay here.

The worst part was that this wasn’t the first time she came back like nothing was wrong. It was almost like she could tell when he was starting to doubt their relationship. Except, he was constantly doubting their relationship. Even when things had been going well. But this time, it was like she knew when he was thinking about how much of a relationship they didn’t have.

Which was concerning if she actually knew what he thought.

Wag, on the other hand, moved like a zombie. Tired, groggy, and barely awake. The picture of early morning beauty. It wasn’t far off from how he used to act, but now it was like someone had chained weights to his feet.

Damn, he was tired as shit.

Martha had set about making some breakfast from the little food he had. Some eggs, some- thankfully not spoiled- fruit, and milk. Wag was pretty sure he didn’t have milk, but he wasn’t going to question it. She was the more magical of the two, now, so it was within reason that she could get milk in the few minutes he’d lagged behind her in getting out of bed.

He, on the other hand, was on the task of making coffee. Coffee was something of a luxury here, since it was so new to the land. It wasn’t grown naturally on the island and Wag wasn’t sure if it was imported from some far off place or if it had been introduced by the earlier dimension hoppers that still hung around. Spark, for sure, seemed to run on the stuff.

That didn’t really matter to Wag, though. He had a plant of it in his garden, for ease of access, but more importantly to see if it could be used to help crossbreed weed into existence. No far off land had procured the plant yet, so he would still strive to be the maker of weed.

Not the best plan in the world, but that wouldn’t matter once he actually made the plant.

He really shouldn’t be encouraging substance abuse.

Surely, coffee would wake him up. Then he could go on a walk with Martha and do that thing they seemed to do where they avoided those topics and pretended like everything was fine. And maybe, just maybe, they’d enjoy the conversation. Maybe they’d feel something again, feel whole for the brief moment where they let themselves forget about the person who was missing, the person that clearly held more place in Martha’s heart for it to have torn so much when he-

Maybe Wag would get his shit together and let things die between them.

Maybe he’d decide that fighting an uphill battle wasn’t worth it.

For now, though, he was content to pretend things were the same. It was better than being entirely, wholly alone. And, deep in his heart, he still loved her. So, so much.

Enough that he knew it would hurt no matter what he did.

They chatted over the food Martha cooked. She complemented his coffee, the beans from the plant he owned, and he told her that the cooking is just as good as it’d always been.

Neither mentioned that it was usually Steve, not either of them, that did the cooking.

They tossed little affections at each other with ease. Like it was second nature. A brush of hands, a quick smile, a peck on the cheek. It was like a dance. As though they were trying to make a show of how much they still cared, how much nothing had changed despite the fact that everything had changed.

Hands loosely held together, they left the house as a unit, holding up a conversation with ease. If either of them tripped up in their speech as they avoided that topic or this word, neither called each other out for it. For all that everything was off and wrong, they made it work. They found a way to shove a cube into a round hole.

Whether it was because they wanted it to work so bad or because the hole was a giant chasm with space for miles was up to debate.

The beach was calm in the early morning. Fishers were stocking up their ships to start up on their daily trip, tightening a rope here, making space there. Few people walked about the town, the kids either asleep or getting hassled to eat breakfast. With so few people out, it felt like they were on the outskirts of life, just the two of them. Like viewing the world through a painting.

That illusion was helped by the sheer height of Jordan’s tree. It was still there, despite the damage it had received when Tom got to it. If he looked closely, Wag could see the remains of burn marks and grooves held in the thick bark. He had heard that, after the heroes had left, Ianite had nursed the tree back to life in honor of her lost champion.

He ignored the fact that Ianite had sent them into the void in the first place.

Wag himself had left before that, called on to help the heroes that he had watched over as a distant wizard. Even now, he wondered if it had been worth it. To lose everything because he was asked to. In his weakest moments, he wondered if it hadn’t been the gods’ way of throwing him out.

That thought hurt the most out of everything in his life and he never let it linger.

It wasn’t long before they made it to the base of the hill that Jordan’s tree- sorry, Jerry’s Tree- sat beside. They weren’t that close to getting inside yet, but it was a milestone.

As they climbed the hill, massive roots stretching out below them, Wag started up some conversation about the different species of trees. He never once mentioned apple trees. It was part of his botany, after all, and important to keep track of. The types of trees, not apple trees. Apple trees were just one of those topics and therefore something they made an unspoken agreement not to talk about.

He pondered, during his ramble, that Martha could have just flown up the tree. She could do that, after all. Wag couldn’t. Not anymore. The worst part was that he’d help build this tree, or, well, make it. Way back then. That was a sore spot to think about, but even still he was in awe of the tree. Not because of the fact that he's contributed to it- no, he had felt a sense of pride for that a long time ago. Rather, because of how it’d regrown.

Ianite’s gentle hand had turned it from merely a large, enchanting tree to a behemoth of divine wonder. Its branches had spread further, with more room between them and the tips reaching towards the heavens. The leaves had shaped up and gotten fuller, surely the size of a full-grown adult by now. Fireflies could be seen lazily hovering about clusters of leaves, giving the tree a pleasant, natural lighting.

Many more platforms and walkways had been built, new buildings having been added on top of that. They stretched from one end to the other. The most daring teased the edge of a branch, hung firmly along the length of it. The walkways were either long rope bridges made of braided vines that shimmered a faint purple or ramps made and reinforced by the same wood the tree was made of, the bottom featuring fancy swirls alongside the support beams.

Other vines, flora, and bushes lined the branches and platforms. Though they looked like they were leeching off the tree at first, a closer inspection- granted you were on the tree to get an inspection- showed they were delicately wrapped around the branches and sneakily planted in hidden pots for a more natural look. The flowers ranged from all sorts of purples- fitting. Buddleias enclosed doorways, Hyacinthus were wound along lanterns strung along pathways, and an abundance of Jacaranda could be found wherever space was made for flora.

The more he looked the more nature there was to see, the more connecting walkways there were strung along, the more everything there was. It felt like the whole world was home under the canopy.

The tree had gone from the house of a solitary man to a city of nature.

It didn’t feel like the same tree.

Wag pushed aside the nagging thought that it was better than anything he could have ever made. Ianite was a full fledged goddess, Wag was- had been- a mere wizard with the idea of godhood in his head. What he made had been incredible for mortal standards, and was still incredible for the standards he had held himself to. It would do no good to compare himself to Ianite, especially when all she had done was repair what was already there.

As they made their way up to the crest of the hill, following the path from the town to the tree as it curled around Jordan’s old home, Wag spared a glance at the birch and quartz house. It was simple, sleek and minimal. It suited Jordan. Of course, Jordan himself had made it, so why wouldn’t it?

Compared to Jerry’s Tree, though, it seemed rather dull and insignificant.

Actually.

Wag spared a closer look at the smaller home. It looked lived in. A frown pulled at his lips. Was someone living there? Who else, other than Jordan, would?

Martha had picked up the conversation now, adding in details about trees that she had seen in her travels long ago, ones he’d never have had the chance to see. There were many interesting species, some magical in the same sense as Silverwoods, some as plain as a simple oak tree, but all more than enough to satiate Wag’s desire to know more. His mind kept getting pulled back to the Casa de Sparklez, though.

A thought struck him, one he’d had just moments before.

Jerry’s Tree looked and felt so different, now that Ianite had tended to it. Like it was a different tree. Did Jordan think the same? Did it feel less like home, after being away for so long and having watched it burn?

Was Jordan living in his older house because the tree felt so forgein?

Martha was going on about a beautiful tree known for the lights its seeds shone, especially during the night hours. It really sounded like a sight to behold. More than that, the gentle, awed look on Martha’s face pulled at Wag’s heart.

Take care of her.

There was a sour taste in his mouth. Wag decided not to mention what he had just noticed. That was Jordan’s business, not his.

Martha was looking at him now, a small, shy smile on her lips. Wag felt like if he said the wrong thing it’d disappear in an instant. Like Martha was used to having her interests pushed aside, or used to pushing them aside herself when people didn’t seem to care about what she was saying.

Take care of her.

He offered a smile back, a genuine one. He really did love her. More than anything, he wanted to keep loving her. But something told him it wouldn’t work. That what they had had started to decay sometime around the end of Ruxomar, around when he left.

No, around when Martha almost became Mrs. a instead of a Ms.

Bitterness clutched at Wag’s heart. For all the love he held for her, he wondered, again and again, if she held the same. If she ever held the same, if she even held something close to the same.

Take care of her.

Looking up at Jerry’s Tree, Wag remembered what it used to be. He remembered watching it burn, the pain he had felt in seeing his hard work get tarnished, in seeing a friend’s home wither away.

Now, though, it was different. Not quite a home, anymore, but reborn. Alive. And maybe, in the future, it’d be a home again, or maybe not. Maybe it needed to burn for it to become what it was now. Jordan would have never built it up to this, but Ianite had.

Maybe that was the secret, Wag pondered. Maybe you had to let things burn to be able to build them up stronger.

He looked at Martha again, at the softness in her face and the hardness in her eyes. His heart pulled in so many directions. Love, anguish, love, despair, love, hurt, love love love.

Yeah, he was going to have to let this relationship burn.

[callunavulgari]

Year-In-Life | 2019

Or that annual New Year’s meme about yours truly.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Had abdominal surgery! I spent most of April either doped up or unconscious. Long story short, I had an ovarian cyst that they thought was twice as big as my fist. So they fast-tracked me to surgery, and discovered that while I did have an ovarian cyst that was pretty large, most of the issue was that my bowel had fused to my uterine wall. Or was it abdominal wall? Either way, my bowel was glued to where it shouldn’t be and very angry because it had a fairly large pre-cancerous polyp in it. Which I found out a week after the abdominal surgery, when I had to have a colonoscopy. Which leads me to...

Had to do three different bowel preps in less than a month! It’s really not fun, guys. But, I got a cyst removed, a polyp removed, a metric fuckton of endo removed, and got my bowel back where it should be. Also, they confirmed that I can have babies! Which I didn’t know I was so fucked up about until I started crying about it post surgery.

Oh, also I peed in a bedpan. That’s also something I’ve never done before. And and and, been sick on Christmas! - Adding Tanya later in this post means I remembered something else I’d never done before - jumped into a pool fully dressed. Then became... no longer dressed.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Still don’t remember what my resolution was which- hey, 2020 Heather! Your 2019 resolution is to legitimately lose weight (she says while eating cotton candy ice cream out of the tub) and quit smoking again. Also, maybe be engaged. But mostly, the weight and the smoking thing. 

As for 2019 resolutions- I can guess what they were, which probably boiled down to losing weight. I put on about 20 pounds after surgery and haven’t lost it, because shocker, abdominal surgery really fucks with your core strength. Pretty sure there was something in there about reading 100 books (done), beating 4 games (done), and write something original (done? technically?) and/or novel-length (negative). 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? High school people and a few old coworkers. Nick’s cousin and his wife just had their third kid though. I think it may have actually happened on Christmas. 4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? No countries. Went to North Carolina for our possible last beach vacation. In January we’re going to Vegas for our friend’s wedding, which will be interesting. They’re getting married on a ferris wheel by an Elvis impersonator. May also go to Maine this year, but not sure yet because I only have a certain amount of vacation time. 

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? Didn’t get a ring, yet. But we’ll see. We also didn’t get the house yet, so lets recycle those wants! Also, while we’re shooting big here, how about a better goddamn president?

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Started my second big girl job on November 18th. Had surgery on April 12th. Not a whole lot else stands out. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Got a new job! With more money and more responsibility and will look really good on a resume! Didn’t kill myself? Which sounds pretty morbid, but I had a lot of pain in my life earlier in the year. 

9. What was your biggest failure? Not... losing... weight? Because I really need to do that. The heartburn bullshit will likely go away. The sleep apnea thing will likely go away. Your health in general will improve. And you don’t even like food that much anyway!  10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I think I’ve had the flu twice this year and again, abdominal surgery, so yes. 11. What was the best thing you bought? I got nice clothes? Most of the other shit has been knick-knacks. I got more books. A new bookshelf!  12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know. Mine, I guess. I mean, 2019 wasn’t the worst, but it definitely has not been great.  13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? I have a friend. Let’s call her Amanda. Yeah, her. She’s blown us off a lot this year, which really sucks. The rest of it is her own decisions that only affect us because it’s inevitably going to affect her in a terrible way, but the blowing us off and only using us as passes for free food and ways to do her laundry really sucks.

14. Where did most of your money go? Surgery! My OOP may have been met in April, but the surgery itself was $48,000. I’ve only had to pay about $6,000 because my OOP was 5k, but that still hurts. And my dental sucks, which means I paid out of my ass to fix my teeth. Also, I bought way too many clothes and books. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I do still appreciate having a job with decent money. The new job will have insurance after my 90 day probation period (yeah, because you can’t have health care for 3 months even if you work in health care because you’re new). I’m glad that I caught the polyp before it became cancerous. I was happy I could have babies. I got excited about the new His Dark Materials series and The Witcher series and Kingdom Hearts 3 and God of War, and probably at least a couple other fandom things.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019? Face My Fears. Curse of the I-5 Corridor. Hadestown soundtrack. Transistor soundtrack. Wasteland, Baby! album. Billie Eilish in general. Lark of My Heart. But mostly, Face My Fears and Don’t Think Twice. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Sadder, probably? 2019 wasn’t great. ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter.  iii. richer or poorer? Technically probably on par with where I was last year? I didn’t save quite as much as I wanted to with the surgery happening. Also, my car needed some pricey repairs this year. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I do wish I’d written more this year, but I wrote a lot in October. Possibly more than the last two years combined, which was nice. And I read a lot. I kind of wish I slept more. Or ate better. Or worked out more. I’m just really tired this year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spent less time with doctors? But I mean, taking care of myself is good and I’ve never had that option before.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it mostly sleeping. We got a bug that was either a really bad cold or a flu, so I’ve spent the last week generally shitty and sweaty and tired. First year that we haven’t been able to do Christmas basically at all. But we spent the hours between 6pm on Christmas Eve and 10am Christmas morning have the most restless goddamn sleep in the world and then opened presents and watched Love Actually and some television (the last two episodes of the Witcher!) while kind of napping on the couch, and ordered Chinese because it was hungry and the only thing open. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? Think I’m going to make the pirozki on Sunday, and then we’re doing a gift exchange with some of our friends at his mom’s house. 22. Did you fall in love in 2019? Eh. Still love him.  23. Best month for you this year? Clearly me having a good 2018 while everyone else had a shitty one guaranteed 2019 to be shit, because I honestly don’t fucking know. October was nice. So was August. But fuck most of the rest of it.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2019? Russian Doll, Glow, The Dragon Prince, Good Omens, Schitt’s Creek, The Terror, Chernobyl, Buzzfeed Unsolved, She-Ra, His Dark Materials, The Witcher... 2019 may have been a meh year, but it had some good shows. Of those, I think my favorite was probably either The Witcher or Good Omens, with His Dark Materials, Russian Doll, and The Terror tying for third. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Eh.

26. What was the best book you read? Red, White, & Royal Blue was probably my favorite. I also read Sanderson’s books this year though, which were also absolutely amazing. Mistborn and The Stormlight Archive were wonderful. It was a pretty great year for books too. Books and TV, well done 2019. Middlegame, The Ninth Gate, a lot of rereads. Best one was still Red, White, & Royal Blue though. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Do Utada Hikaru’s new Kingdom Hearts anthems count? Because Spanish Sahara by Foals, Obstacles by Syd Matters, the new Hozier album, and the Hadestown soundtrack were all wonderful musical discoveries. 28. What did you want and got? I don’t know. New clothes? A laptop? Confirmation that my ovaries work?

29. What did you want but didn’t get? Well, I lost the bet with Brandon. No ring by the end of 2019. No kids, either, but we aren’t quite there yet. No house. No perfect health? Is that a thing?

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I liked Into the Spiderverse a lot. Detective Pikachu. Rocketman.Frozen 2. Endgame was all right. I didn’t hate the new Star Wars. Toy Story 4. IT. It wasn’t a super great movie year for me.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? The big 3-0. It was all right. The night before we went to Fujiyamas with a couple of our friends, then on my birthday we had breakfast at First Watch, did some Christmas shopping, and went to the Zoo Lights a little after 5. Froze to death because it was snowing and shocker, when snow melts you get wet, but it was nice. Then had a late dinner at Mackenzie River, because it was one of the only places still open and close to our place.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hah! A better president and a ring is the only thing that I didn’t get from my wishes last year. ----Hmmmmm 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? I did not give up and buys Scrubs. Instead I have a perhaps slightly oversized work appropriate selection of jeans (for Fridays), work slacks, blouses/sweaters, dresses, and skirts. I spent a little too much on clothes this year. I blame discovering Torrid. 34. What kept you sane? Reading was really, really great this year. - STILL leaving this answer, three years running! 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? David Tenant made a shocking comeback after Good Omens aired. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 20156789. —– Ayyyyy, this was my response from last year, and apparently also the year before and the one before! Hello past me’s, don’t worry, it’s still getting worse. 37. Who did you miss? Myself. Also, my brother, who is still in jail almost a year later and still no fucking trial. 38. Who was the best new person you met? I don’t know. Oh! I do know! I really like Tanya. 

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: Tanya is awesome and pretty and fun and possibly at least a little bit crazy, but we all fucking are, come on. She got to come with us on vacation this year and it really made it interesting. Also, Shay and Alicia. I knew them last year, but got to know them pretty well this year.

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

Took this one about 20 minutes after midnight on January 1st, 2019 after my first successful round of Battleshots. The hat went to the winner. It is not the most flattering picture, because I had been drinking already before I had to take four shots of Satan’s cinnamon liquor.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

Taken on my birthday, at the zoo. Again, snow melts.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Not sure? There’s not a whole lot of new food we haven’t tried. One of the pharmacists brought in some authentic Indian food for one of the potlucks we had and I don’t remember what it was called but it had rice and eggs and was amazing.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? I don’t know. We saw both Hamilton and Les Mis this year and they both reduced me to tears. I also had some good moments with books and tv shows I watched with Nick.

44. What are you excited for next year? There’s a couple new books. The election. Some tv shows, I think? Games? I don’t know, man. I’m trying not to come off as horribly depressed but I am kind of pretty depressed and nobody will ever know because the only person who ever gets this far into reading these things is me, so- hello 2020 me, you were really sad on December 26th 2019 and honestly for most of the year, so I sure hope 2020 is the year that we fucking seize life by the horns or however that saying goes.

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: I feel like my message from last year is fucking taunting me. Legit though, this is not the worst thing you’ve ever been through. You have a boyfriend who loves you, two wonderful cats that better not fucking die anytime soon, and like, I don’t know, working ovaries. A job. A car. An apartment that has a kind of shitty kitchen and a bath tub that might as well not exist, but is still an apartment! Which is more than some people have! 

I guess my message from last year (it gets better) is in almost direct opposition of this year, which is basically: it could always be worse. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Feed me sunlight, feed me air In a place where nothing matters Feed me truth and feed me prayer

(seriously, deliriously happy 2018 me quoting singin’ in the rain is taunting me wtf)

First Fandom of 2019: January of 2019 was pretty solidly Detroit Become Human. It hit me hard. Favorite Main Character of 2019: Jonathan Sims. I was a slut for the Archivist in 2019. Favorite Villain of 2019: Elias from The Magnus Archives, maybe? My only other response would be.. dun dun dun, Ben Solo aka Kylo Ron or whatever Favorite M/F Couple of 2019: I... am back on my Reylo bullshit. Favorite F/F Couple of 2019: Can I say Villanelle and Eve even if I didn’t really dip into the fandom? No? Okay, Catra and Adora. Favorite M/M Couple of 2019: Okay, so the three that got me this year was Hank/Connor, Jon/Martin, and Ryan/Shane.  Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: Um, Buzzfeed Unsolved. Never would have guessed that one. Also like, while I would have expected Detroit Become Human I never would have guessed my favorite ship. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Sigh. Twas that Reylo smacking me in the face at the tail end of 2019. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Insert shrug? I read a weird Buzzfeed Unsolved fic above Mothman giving the guys sharable dreams (that were sometimes weird and sometimes sexy) until they boned. Last Fandom of 2019: Sighing again. Reylo. Though Yuletide has made it so I’ve read a lot of Queen’s Thief stuff. Favorite Fandom of 2019: I think that Buzzfeed Unsolved was my favorite purely from a fic standpoint, but Detroit Become Human and The Magnus Archives were both really great too.

[breadclubrising]

I am hearing news about Kota Ibushi actually signing with NJPW (instead of being a free bird)... does this mean... he will finally be the heavyweight champion?

OFFICIALLY, it’s still a rumor right now—we haven’t heard an official announcement from NJPW. So, because Kota… I’m going to wait until something official is announced. Keep in mind that he did the entire Cruiserweight Classic and was in NXT during that time, but still hadn’t for-sure signed in time to win the tournament. He then continued to be in NXT for a couple of months, even though he didn’t commit, and WWE kept offering him shorter contracts, better schedule flexibility, and more money. According to him, after all of that, he physically attended a secret hotel room meeting with WWE for the sole purpose of telling them no, never, and that his mind would not be changed by any money or promises they could make.

I’m not even really saying the rumor is dubious—I think it’s likely he has done exactly as he says—I’m just saying I’m gonna wait for actual official confirmation with this guy.

That said, I’m going to write a long thing about his character arc. It’s what I do.

Let’s start with the obvious: Kota Ibushi is really fucking good at wrestling. He could show up on the doorstep of any wrestling promotion in the world and be welcomed with immediate upper-card booking, open arms, and a fuckton of money. He’s just that good. He’s pretty much universally admired by other wrestlers and wrestling critics. Very few people would argue with you if you called him one of the greatest pro wrestling talents of all time.

And if breathtaking natural ability isn’t enough (it’s not), Ibushi has all the magnetism, star power, and understanding of emotion needed to make a wrestling superstar. Sure, it often gets missed or overlooked in light of his talent, and yeah, sometimes he really sucks at promos. Still, you don’t get to be ace of a company like DDT on flips alone. Don’t let the dumb jock act fool you: he’s the whole package. Let no one tell you otherwise.

In sports, a reputation like Ibushi’s usually comes with a small museum’s worth of titles, trophies, and accolades. But Ibushi doesn’t have the trophy case to back up the praise he’s earned. And that’s because in most sports, talent usually translates directly to winning and becoming legendary—but not wrestling.

Because, of course, in wrestling, the outcomes of matches are not decided by talent, they’re chosen based on the best interests of the wrestling promotion. Ibushi has been a freelancer since 2016, which neatly coincides with when he stopped winning stuff. 

Because he’s just that good, he’s gotten far better booking than most freelancers could ever dream of. But he hasn’t gotten serious pushes, because no matter how talented someone is, it ultimately doesn’t make good business sense for a wrestling promotion to have a champion who only works for himself, to invest money and reputation in someone who can’t—explicitly will not—promise your promotion a return on your investment. Which is why Ibushi’s trophy case is so empty compared to his reputation.

He obviously knows all these dots are connected. Titles never really mattered to him, back when he had titles more often. Now, he knows the reputation he has, and he knows that all he has to do is want to be the best in the world. Ibushi doesn’t love making choices, but this one he cannot avoid: achievement or freedom. His dazzling talent grants him access to both, to an extent that’s simply not available to others. And he’s actually had a really impressive amount of cake-and-eating-it-too as a freelancer; much more than most could hope for.

But since 2016, he’s deliberately chosen freedom, knowing that the cost is achievement. 

The truth is, when you’re as talented as Kota Ibushi is, sometimes your gifts feel like a burden. No matter what you want out of life, your talent is so obvious and striking that it demands you account for what you’re doing with it, both to yourself and to other people. Your talent is bigger than whatever it is that your heart wants, and you will be obligated to answer for that, to yourself and others, constantly—wherever you go and whatever you do. And that will remain true even if fulfilling your potential has a cost you don’t want to pay.

Ask Kota Ibushi. His amazing talent meant that NJPW and DDT were both willing to give him full-time contracts at the same time; he was the first wrestler to have two home promotions. Someone as good as he is almost has to accomplish unprecedented things like that, right? No one else can, and no one else would be allowed to even try—who else would be worth that level of accommodation; two promotions both willing to not only have a guy who spends half his time making money for a rival promotion, but both push him as far as he wants to go, and work their scheduling so he could successfully maintain two schedules? And even before that, he won Best of the Super Juniors as an outsider. He was the first. He was the only one. He did that. 

Buuut, the cost of fulfilling that amazing potential was his mental and emotional wellbeing. For one, it meant he had to give up one of the things that made him happiest—being a Golden Lover. For another, his life was not his own. He later said that he learned that even one schedule is incredibly draining for him, and that one of the hardest things was how little emotional investment he was able to give his performances and the storylines happening in each promotion. 

His surgery in late 2015, the reason he left both DDT and NJPW, was for a cervical disc injury he’d been living with for a while. It probably sucked, but it was also a way out of his contracts, because the bigger and more grindingly burdensome issue was that he was horribly emotionally and mentally burned out from answering to two promotions. 

In other words, to Ibushi: dismal failure. Leaving your job for mental health reasons in Japan is not a thing. He felt like he just couldn’t hack it, didn’t deserve the acclaim he receives. In his mind, he’d failed his fans and critics, and exposed himself for being the flaky, emotionally weak weirdo he always saw in the mirror. When he was well enough to wrestle again, he left Japan, a bit humbled and humiliated. If being exceptional in Japan didn’t work, maybe just one contract, but with the world’s largest and most famous wrestling promotion, home to the majority of history’s greats, would be a way to live up to all of that potential.

And just like NJPW and DDT did, WWE was willing to make accommodations they rarely make for anyone else—a major reason WWE organized the Cruiserweight Classic was to try to sign him. Not only did they famously beg him as I noted above, they offered him contract flexibility—WWE does not do that; the vast majority of WWE contracts are quite exclusive. They let it be a pretty open secret that Kota Ibushi was definitely going be the ace and crown jewel of their new Cruiserweight division. And when he didn’t sign in time to win the tournament he was going to win (if he’d signed), they didn’t tell him to fuck off. They let him stay as long as he was willing to entertain the idea of signing. 

But he ran up against the same problem: he doesn’t do well in a tightly-controlled, heavily scheduled environment. So he told WWE no, definitely not, never. And he went home, forced to come to terms with the fact that some people can handle the schedules that come with a full-time contract, but for him, it’s too emotionally taxing. 

So this perception of him that’s out there, that ‘haha that’s our fantastic dolphin son, what a ~free spirit,’ is a little unfair.  Dude isn’t a freelancer because he’s flighty, unserious, or afraid of commitment. He’s a freelancer because he quickly gets burnt out when he has to follow someone else’s rules/schedule, and his talent gives him the privilege of naming his price. It’s not that he just doesn’t feel like being serious, it’s that he hates his life when he has the kind of commitments that come with a full-time contract. When he talked about saying no to WWE, he said “I don’t wrestle for the money anyway.” That didn’t mean I don’t care about money because I love wrestling, it meant I literally can’t function as a person if I start to think of wrestling as the thing I do to get money.

That means that when he came back to Japan in late 2016, he did so on his own terms, because that was the only way he could. His solution to the problem of burnout and emotional health has been controlling his own time; deciding where, how much, and how he works (he has a school now apparently, and he does stunt work on the side too). 

But now, as the grim march of time eventually comes for all of us, his back is to the wall and he knows: if he ever wants the titles to match his talent, if he wants wrestling history to remember him as something other than a could-have-been, it’s now or never. 

So, it’s now. He’s clenching his teeth, apologizing to Tana, going back into Serious Wrestling Star mode. He even said last night that he’s still trying to get his feet back under him, and IMO that’s because he’s still readjusting to being Professional Working Guy again. ‘Cause that’s who wins titles, and he knows that now.

Back in baby Golden Lover days, Kenny looked at Kota and saw all the things he wasn’t: natural, easy talent, and the booking to match it. Kenny was jealous and felt lesser; he worried he’d be a footnote in the history of Kota Ibushi. So when the Golden Lovers broke up, Kenny chose achievement, and achieve he did. Now, Kenny has a legacy: a huge pile of best bouts, worldwide fame, a name that will never be forgotten by wrestling history. The only titles he hasn’t held in NJPW are the NEVER Openweight Championship and the Heavyweight Tag Team Championship.

Now, Kota looks at Kenny and sees someone who didn’t have the burden of obvious easy talent, but did do all of the things you’d expect of someone who did. He’s not jealous like Kenny was, but he thinks: what have I done with what I’ve been given? Kota hasn’t held a Heavyweight singles title in NJPW. Kenny’s had all of them. Kota feels overshadowed now, irony of ironies.

Now, Kenny’s choosing freedom, and Kota’s choosing achievement. But it’s not a simple swap, because there’s a third element here: happiness. Both Golden Lovers are quite obviously happiest when they’re together. The first time they were apart, they both tried to fill the void where happiness belonged; Kenny with achievement, Kota with freedom. Then, they came back together, and happiness was so important to Kenny that in the end, when he won the biggest prize, he managed to tell a story in which all that he sacrificed and fought for was ultimately, distantly, secondary in importance to being happy. 

Now they’re apart again, but don’t mistake it for the same story. Before, they thought they could replace happiness with personal fulfillment. They learned, after years of unhappiness, that they couldn’t. This time, the Golden Lovers aren’t under any illusions that they’re going to replace happiness with what they’re doing instead. Bittersweetly, the lesson is the same as before, but from the other direction: personal fulfillment isn’t compatible with happiness right now. Now, both of them are setting their sights on accomplishment, but it seems pretty clear that they’re doing so with the intention of being back together as soon as they can be. 

Serious Wrestle Guy is explicitly not personally happy. But Ibushi’s at his best when he’s happy, even if he’s not winning titles. Titles make him feel fulfilled, and he needs that, but being a Golden Lover makes him happy, and I think he’ll always return there, and so will Kenny.

In fact, I’d guess that’s why there’s been no announcement about Kota’s contract: even from the interview posted the other day, there were some allusions to the possibility of working with Kenny again in the future. I would imagine that NJPW is still trying to figure out their relationship with Kenny, and Kota’s still trying to figure out how involved he can be with AEW. (I think I just outed myself as a Golden Lovers Truther—yeah, I think it’s somewhat likely that they’re an IRL couple, and as many IRL wrestling couples do, they’re working on separate continents.) My guess is Kota’s contract won’t be final until those details are ironed out. I don’t think they’d do all that work to get back together only to close and seal the door on it.

Only time will tell, but Kota hasn’t changed: fundamentally, he is still motivated by happiness. It’s just that he was happy long enough to know he can have it forever if he wants it, but he only has a few more years to get the trophy case his talent demands, to be the Kota Ibushi he thinks wrestling history deserves.

[twodaysintojune]

The Apple Pie Spell 6

Supernatural, Debriel, Warnings-None Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 Find me at AO3

Dean got startled when his hamburger showed up in front of him. He gave a quick thanks to the waitress and began to eat without giving her lovely assets a second thought. Sam just stared at him for a long time.

“Dean? Are you alright?”

“Wha—? Sure. Why wouldn’t I?”

“You seem out of sorts.”

“Dude, I’m all right.”

“You know, maybe you should sit this one out. No, seriously, it’s just a ghost Dean. Cas, Jack and I can deal with it well enough. The kid can learn a couple of things.”

After both Cas and Jack agreed with Sam’s idea and went back to the motel to get ready for the hunt, Dean hoarded all the pillows at the room and nested himself to watch tv mindlessly. Perhaps he really was out of sorts, since when did he just let a hunt go without putting any kind of resistance?

Still, he had a lot to think about. Gabriel mostly. It had been six months since he had left and even though they were managing everything without a single problem and he knew what the hell the idiot was doing unlike that other time he disappeared for months without giving them further notice and leaving Dean with the need of strangling him and insert a gps tracker all the way up his ass before he disappeared again, Dean still missed him deeply.

And it really wasn’t like he missed Gabriel all the time. But any time he watched something funny, or made a witty comeback or simply found a special burger joint along their roadtrips Gabriel always came to mind. If only he had seen it, if only he had been there, we could be pranking Sam right now or who knows what else.

Dean had to admit he missed his bestie. He had said it would take him a year to gather the energy but how much more time he would have to stay in Heaven after that? Would he give him a call to tell them he was back?

He looked at his phone. The only messages in Gabriel’s timeline were from before he had left. Dean didn’t want to bother the archangel but Gabriel hadn’t written either. Like he would actually write after how awkward things had gone that last day at the kitchen. Or maybe he had already forgotten about it and was just busy. Feeling like his insides were twisting, Dean began to hit the keys.

         -”Hey”

Seen.

Typing...

-“Sup Dean-o, how’s it going? (ò ω ó )✧”

         -”Cool”

         -”Jack’s hunting a ghost”

-“Sounds like fun :D”

        -”Yep”

-“You’re not with them?”

        -”Dr. Sexy”

-“Which chapter?”

        -”That one where Dr. Sexy’s sister is diagnosed with cancer”

-“That’s a good one, I teared up the first time ｡ﾟ.(´；ω；｀)ﾟ °・”

        -”You still tear up”

-“That’s true (〃￣ω￣〃)ゞ”

        -”...”

        -”Where are you?”

-“In a galaxy far far away”

Dean chuckled.

        -”You’re an idiot”

-“Want a souvenir?”

        -”The Millenium Falcon”

-“Lol no”

        -”You asked”

-“(´･ω･｀;A）”

-“Other than alien technology?”

        -”Dunno, whatever’s good I guess”

        -”...”

        -”Not a piece of rock”

-“Dang, you beat me to the punch”

-”...”

-“What about a rare rock?”

        -”That could work, I can sell it for a fuckton of money”

-“...I think you’re missing the point of a present”

Dean spent the entire evening texting Gabriel. Apparently archangels like him could multitask easily because he explained him all about how he gathered energy from black holes and how wormholes could be used as transportation, saving him of using extra energy on the trip. All of it while actually standing at the event horizon of a supermassive black hole. Dean couldn’t really conceive the idea, on his mind he could only imagine Gabriel at the border of a dark whirlpool.

Later in the night Gabriel sent him an actual video of it. A blur of multiple elongating lights that could be seen moving much like car lights dashing on nighttime photographies. A bit of panning showed how the lights crashed in an ellipsing pattern with a circle of absolute darkness. It was beautiful and terrifying.

After that day, Dean and Gabriel began to text each other consistently. They talked about everything and nothing. Dean updated him on their shenanigans, told him about how Jack had managed to make the laundry machine overflow with bubbles once or how he discovered how well mango chutney actually went with hamburgers and bacon. He also began to notify him every time they started a hunt and everytime they ended it on Gabriel’s request. Gabriel on the other hand answered any question Dean had, like how certain Physics laws worked and if lightsabers were actually doable in real life. He sent pictures of different planets from time to time. Apparently, to gather enough energy he had to change locations in order to avoid an imbalance on the gravitational thrusts of the massive celestial bodies. Much like a bee has to go from flower to flower to gather enough pollen to make a drop of honey.

Once he sent a picture of a sunset with twin stars. He was obviously inside a planet, you could see the colour of the atmosphere and the horizon beyond the sea.

-“Greetings from Tatooine! ヽ( 。ิω゜｡)ノ”-

        -”HOLY COW THAT’S AWESOME”

-“Best thing is that the place is a lot like Earth, I’m actually at a beach rn!”

Gabriel proceeded to send Dean a photo of the white sandy Caribbean styled beach with long palms resting close to the shore.

        -”Dude I’m so jealous! I wish I was there.”

-“I wish you were here too”

Dean blushed.

-”Tell you what, once I’m done with this I’ll bring you over”

        -”That would be awesome”

        -”But please tell me there will be food and alcohol“

-”lol sure it will, I can create it”

A new picture, a selfie, Gabriel sitting on a lounge chair with a beer at the side, donning a hawaiian shirt and silly pineapple shaped sunglasses, waving at the camera.

Dean, who had managed to forget the awkwardness he had felt the day Gabriel left on his interstellar task months ago felt something welling up in his heart. A part of him wanted to deny there was something more to it but after spending the first six months just spacing out and the next two aching to message the archangel for no reason at all every day; now that he watched Gabriel basking in the last sunset rays of an unknown planet, Dean knew he couldn’t drown these feelings anymore. There was something more to just missing his best friend.

Dean, who had been leisuring at the Dean-cave couch, took a picture of himself holding up a beer and sent it to Gabriel.

        -”Cheers”

-”(   ˙∇˙)o自自o (˙∇˙  )”

[anarchist-billy]

But but but, what If the haunted house is beautiful right? Right? And then Billy starts seeing things first and although Steve is a little skeptical he also can see that this thing is starting to almost scare Billy. So he decides that they’re going to talk to the spirit in the home and somehow it ends up like they have a roommate instead of a poltergeist.

Yes, nonnie, YES. Under one condition, though, this poltergeist roommate of theirs, we’ll call them Sal, has to be a total menace. Just a bastard of a spirit that’s constantly terrorizing them with pranks. And the boys hate it, but then they discover that Sal loves a good old fashioned collaboration, so they start teaming up with Sal to prank the odd man out. Basically no one ever gets anything productive done or gets any sleep in their house.

Also like...Billy does a bunch of research on ghosts and spends way too much time and money trying to cast spells over their room that will keep Sal out, cause nobody needs a pervy ghost hanging out during sexy-times, but whether or not they work is a whole other story..

And can I just say how much I love the idea of Steve and Billy in their living room, surrounded by a fuckton of candles circled around a ouija board and a bunch of crystals and shit Billy’s been collecting to try and ward off the “evil spirits”. Them asking the ghost questions, and the ghost totally fucking with them just cause it can. Also Billy shrieking the first couple times the planchette moves and being like “Steve I swear to god if you’re moving it yourself...”

[millimallow]

digital dreams pt. 1 - new old friends

find me at meowcosmos on neopets and millimallow on twitter + letterboxd

neopets is a virtual pet website that debuted during the (very) late 90s. it was conceived of as a website that would allow college students and young adults to keep and take care of pets that they were not allowed to keep in real life thanks to apartment and education policies. as the nature of all things is to grow and change, neopets quickly became an extremely formative piece of 2000s web-culture, ending up with a large userbase of young children and teenagers which prompted the website to take a new direction into youth entertainment. the origin of the name is “neo”, which means new in latin, and “pets” which means pets (and maybe something in latin? i didn’t go to a posh enough school to find out)

neopets had a huge influence on me during my youth. like any other 8 year old whose prospects could be termed “ambiguous but unpromising” and who owned an old-school chunky body computer, the internet became the recipient of a gracious amount of my free time.

will you still love me when i’m no longer young and beautiful? (credit to the computer history museum)

during that time, all roads led to neopets. specifically if “road” means “the nickelodeon website on your public library’s kids computer which didn’t even have tabs”. i founded accounts before the one i remember most, but the one i really stuck with was made in 2008. it has an incredibly embarrassing name that i thankfully haven’t stuck with online because it makes me look like a scene kid, but not like, one that’s trying very hard.

i can’t tell you with any sincerity that i was good at neopets, because i wasn’t and i’m not much better now. the very core function of neopets is playing flash games to get money to take care of your neopets (though in a fairly unsettling sense, nothing bad ever happens to you if you treat your neopets like shit..). neopets want constant food and attention in much the same fashion as cats do, but less often. you can paint them a variety of different colours and dress them up in a variety of outfits, two processes which are great bounties of humiliation for the weird bug thing you have that won’t stop sassing you (seriously, neopets say some weird shit at random even when they’re jumping for joy).

“violence is the answer, and also fun”- neopets paintbrushes are STUPID expensive and at the same time the coolest thing in the game, making them equivalent to a nintendo switch or paying whatever amount of money you’d need for john cena to let you kick him in the nuts on national tv. and this in the present tense because unlike other whirring engines of a time gone by (club penguin, anyone?) neopets is still up.

yay, i can still spend a couple million virtual dollars trying to own...this!

modern-day neopets is an interesting place. you can spend your real life money on it still. you can sign up for a new account on it still, you can name your new pet ligma420 and experiment for me on how long it takes for the moderators to disintegrate him with a profanity ban (not done, but if you do PLEASE let me know) and- though there are some incredibly irritating restrictions on new accounts- you can play neopets. in the past three days on my new account (i’m trying to access the old one- more on that later) i have about 50,000np (stands for nutspoints) in my bank and two pets.

celestinael was created by myself and lmkanlast (pronounced lumkanlast…i guess?) was adopted from the abandoned pets section. things are a little rough right now for this neofamily- celestinael looks like a deviantart sonic x tails fankid and is worryingly nude (cool hat counts for something?) and lmkanlast has what looks like silver poisoning, but we’re making it through. i’m not quite sure what my next goal is- when i was a kid, i really wanted to get access to the secret lab and help rehome pets with bad names (for the record, neopets requires every pet to have a unique name down to the letter combination, which leads to everyone naming their pets like middle class white mom or a disaster of a scene kid) which requires acquiring all of the map pieces necessary. this is no small task, as the secret map pieces cost what could be termed “a fuckton of money”. maybe i can just ask someone for them really nicely...

i’m not kidding about this little bastard being a couple million Game Dollars, by the way

until next time, thank you for reading! this is going to be an ongoing series about reliving my childhood memories in the modern era, focusing on neopets, so keep an eye out for future installments! 

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 9:  ChaGALLING Behavior

Part 8

Welcome back to Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War. As you may recall from our last update, we had just kicked Agustria in the face so hard that their army chose to throw themselves at Lewyn The Living Hurricane, taking the new capital and forcing Chagall to flee to Eldigan’s protection. They will be starring in a sitcom any day now.  On a less happy note, however, Deirdre chose to wander off randomly into the middle of a warzone and got kidnapped by Manfroy. 

Not ideal, but on the other hand, it does prove she’s almost exactly as intelligent as her husband. So that does explain why they get on so well. 

Well. To start with Silvail is about to open up a can of whoopass on us, so to start I have Aideen warp Sigurd as close to there as we can manage. She reminds us she’s the only healer we can fucking rely on.  

My girl.  With that, there’s not much else to be done, so I end my turn.  

I kind of like that Chagall had to walk all the way to Silvail, but on the other hand my army is between his old castle and here, so I’m a bit annoyed that Quan didn’t stop him.

Chagall: Ah, but that’s your plan, isn’t it?! You’re part of their plot to destroy Agustria, traitor!

Eldigan: Your Majesty… how could you say that?

(He’s insane and he hates you. That was easy!)

Chagall: What’s this? Do you dare to be displeased? To think, you’ve forgotten my father’s favor, all to idly stall for time… you’re a disgrace to the knighthood!

Eldigan: There’s nothing more I can do to convince you… very well, Your Majesty. My men and I will move out post-haste. I am proud to be a paladin of Agustria. If I must die, it shall be with sword in hand! By your leave, Your Majesty.

Eldigan: I count myself the luckiest commander there is for your years of loyalty to me.

(“Now if only I was the smartest commander.”)

Eldigan: The fatherland’s fate hinges on this final battle. Do not let Agustria down. Cross Knights! MOVE OUT!

(Pot to Kettle: You are black.)

Chagall: The rest of you, fortify the defenses! I’m in command now!

Fuck Agustria.  

Anyway, the front line of the Cross Knights is already close enough to reach our units; a nasty surprise for me, because I thought they started off further from where I left the team. Luckily, only Quan can be reached, it seems.

Quan laughs at your pitiful javelins. But the issue here isn’t the Cross Knights; they’re reasonably tough for mooks, but they are manageable.  No, the issue here is this motherfucker.

Eldigan is colossally powerful, considerably stronger than than he was when he helped us out back in Verdane. He doesn’t have a distance weapon, but it hardly matters; with Mystletainn in hand, he has a staggering 30 resistance, so he’ll soak up magic like a sponge and spend the next turn making the mage in question his bitch. And with 24 defense, he isn’t exactly vulnerable to your physical attackers either.  Nor is he slow, by any means, and 38 goddamn Skill means he’s unreasonably accurate on top of it all. And Mystletainn hits like a truck even without being  backed by his quite impressive strength.

Basically, anyone who gets caught in Eldigan’s combat range is dead. Only Quan, Sigurd, and Arden might have a shot at surviving a round with this guy, and that’s if he doesn’t proc the Critical effect built into his weapon. To kill him, your only real option is to have basically the whole army soften him up with distance attacks, and then send Quan in with a horseslayer and a prayer.

To kill him. That, fortunately enough, is not your only option.

When my turn starts, I have Quan gank one of the Cross Knights, and he levels up.

Well, technically.  Now, everyone pulls back. The key here is to make sure that Eldigan can’t reach anyone.  The whole army is bunched up; once the Cross Knights take their shot at us, we should be able to kill a lot of them.  But there is one risk: Lachesis has to be on or near the front lines, because Eldigan will not attack her, and if she talks to him he’ll leave the field.

The problem being, of course, that while Eldigan won’t attack her, the rest of his knights will. Because… I don’t know, they’re assholes I guess.  End turn. This is going to demand some serious luck.

… Thanks for helping, Beowulf. I’ll say it right now, while I knew this had a solid chance of going terribly wrong, I did not think this would be the reason for it.  Reset!

Much better. And Quan got a better level because I didn’t have him gank that first dude, so his leveling up had a different RNG determining it.  Score. At the end of the turn, Eldigan gets close enough to the group to talk to Sigurd…

Sigurd: I still have every intention of returning Agusty to Chagall! All I need is a little more time, I swear!

Eldigan: … Sigurd. I’m sorry, but I grow weary of these excuses.  We stand now as two knights on the battlefield, sworn to an honorable duel.  Draw, Sigurd!  So long as I wield the demon blade, Mystletainn, I won’t be the one to fall this day!

Yeah, that ain’t happening. I think with some luck, this might be the turn to get him away. First step, clear the path:

This was twitchier than it looked, because Eldigan has five leadership stars and gives the Cross Knights a ginormous boost while he’s near them. The one guarding him personally are very tricky to hit; it took Sigurd and Quan together to get through. That never happens. But then Lachesis moves south, and Sylvia moves up to dance her. Aaaand…

LACHESIS: Your actions are utterly baffling! Would you really betray Sigurd, your friend? Is this what you call a knight’s pride?! Please, brother! Believe in Sigurd. Give him even the tiniest amount more time to finish his duty. We don’t need to fight.

Eldigan: Lachesis… don’t cry. Fighting is my only choice. Please don’t make this harder than it already is. His Majesty’s death will spell the death of Agustria. I cannot allow that.  

(… But he sucks!)

Lachesis: That isn’t true! Everything hinges on Chagall laying down arms.  Sigurd never had any interest in fighting, and has even less interest in continuing if you stop. Brother… please! You lead the Cross Knights! Chagall cannot simply ignore your counsel!

(… But he can! Because he sucks!)

Eldigan: … You’re right. I’ll try and persuade His Majesty, one more time.

(No!  Don’t persuade him, do stab him!)

Eldigan: If I must risk my life, I’d rather risk it to stop this pointless war than to fight my friend. Any knight would do the same. Lachesis… here. This sword is for you.

Lachesis: Isn’t this an Earth Sword?! Brother, you can’t be…

Eldigan: This is a last memento, in case… I’m sorry, Lachesis. You must survive!

Lachesis: W-wait! Stop!  Don’t go, Eldie!

(Eldigan rides back to Silvail, and…)

Eldigan: Agusty shall be returned to Your Majesty someday, but it must happen peacefully.

Chagall: Eldigan! How dare you abandon the battle to spout such nonsense! You couldn’t hide your true colors forever, traitor! Men! Seize this… this worm! Off with his head! Humiliate him! Parade his shame before the world!

Eldigan: I… this was all in vain. This spells Agustria’s doom…

(SO PULL OUT YOUR DEMON SWORD AND CHOP HIS OLD MAN FACE OFF!)

Chagall: Tch, enough! Accept your death quietly, traitor! Finish him! Do it, right here, right NOW!

Eldigan: Lachesis…

And thus passes Eldigan, heir of Crusader Hezul and knight of Agustria. He died as he lived: without a brain.  Now, we’re still kind of surrounded by Cross Knights, but without Eldigan they aren’t nearly as dangerous. Still very dangerous, mind you, but… well, let’s hope. End turn. And of course more story immediately hits…

(Meet King Travant of Thracia. He’s a dick!)

Chagall: Hmph. I suppose even common sellswords ought to do a better job for me than my worthless servants…don’t you dare let me down!

Dracodude: Our targets are the knights of Grannvale. Take your fill of battle! Sear the name of Thracia into the memories of this land!

You may remember Thracia being very briefly mentioned by Quan as the reason he couldn’t bring an army with him when he came to help us waaaaaay back in  the prologue.  They’re essentially the medieval equivalent of a PMC; their country is very arid and mountainous and doesn’t have a lot of farmland, but it does have a fuckton of wyverns.  Rather than, say, move, the Thracians decided to just kind of roll with it and became a nation of wyvern-riding mercenary warriors who fight other people’s wars for tons of money.  In case you couldn’t tell from his unique portrait there, King Travant is going to be important later.

… Where is Chagall even getting the money to pay for all these mercenaries, seriously? Well, whatever. The Thracians start off at the north edge of the map and start moving down, and the map now becomes a race to kill off most of Chagall’s forces before they arrive. The Cross Knights start off the enemy phase strong…  

…ly failing.  The majority of the Cross Knights take shots at Erin and they all miss, which is great because two go after Lachesis and they both hit her. If they’d all gone for her, she’d have definitely died.  

Thanks, guys!  I’mma kill you all.

… We kill all but one enemy, but I still feel like I lost. You guys, what is up with those levels? Seriously? Well. At least the last one lets me demonstrate Lachesis’s new Earth Sword.

It is mind-bendingly awesome. It’s a magic sword that can hit from a distance like Ethlyn’s Light Brand, but it has the added effect of draining the enemy’s health to restore Lachesis’s.  It only has ten charges to use before it needs repaired, so you can’t rely on it, but it’s a great tool for emergencies. Certainly much better to get a free sword than to fight fucking Eldigan, for sure.

The enemy doesn’t move on their turn, save for the Thracians continuing their run down. On our move, we take shots at the three Armor Knights blocking us from the rest of the Silvail army.  

They are not, to put it mildly, as dangerous as our last enemy.   I have Ethlyn zap Sylvia home to make fucking sure she doesn’t get married to anyone, and move the rest of the army into the range of Silvail’s defenders to draw them out.

Oh, and Ethlyn can promote now, after firmly and proudly refusing to get a single fucking point in magic for 19 straight levels.  At least she’s fast.  Bitch. Now, before ending my turn, I have Dew liberate a village to get…

Info Master, Lord of Weapons: They call it the wingslayer. It’s enchanted to be lethal to sky-riders. If it flies, this sword’ll bring it down. ‘Couse, if ya can’t use it, sell it!

Thank you, great old man. You have given me many blades, and I love you. End turn, let’s rock the house in Silvail!

…. What.

Okay, better. Beowulf procced Continue and caused the battle to go an extra round. One in which he got hit twice, and nearly died. Fortunately, the rest of the enemy chooses to all go after Quan this round, and he kills a spearman and then matrix-dodges or shrugs off three archers in a row.  PRAISE HIM!

Up to the north, the Thracians move again, and…

Huh. Are they going for Midano? I’ve never seen them do that before, but I don’t mind. I left half the army up there to get ready to rush at Orgahil when it opens, and since that half includes Jamke, Lewyn, and Ayra, I think I can handle some Thracian goons. I think I could handle their entire country.

My turn, and with it my rampant slaughter as usual.

I assume that Finn, as a loyal servant, has given his demonic powers to Quan for this round to ensure his lord got a Finn-class level.  The key thing, really, is that we reduced Silvail’s defenders from an army to two dudes in a single turn. I really love being powerful.  As a result, of course, the enemy phase is incredibly dull…

Yeah, that’s the only actual combat. Midir got attacked, but he dodged. It was sad.  

Would you get down here already, ya dragon-riding bitches?!

*cough*

Meanwhile, back at the real fight, Midir takes revenge for being attacked, for he is cruel and wrathful…

Then Lex softens up the last one, leaving the kill to Lachesis.

… Which I regret immediately.

*sigh*

Well, now for Chagall. He remembered to bring a weapon to fight from range this time; he has a Bolganone, the A-ranked Fire tome, and still uses his Silver Blade at close range. The only person here who can use it is Sigurd, but he also doesn’t really need it… I’ll probably sell it and give it Holyn, so whoever needs the money most should try for the kill. That is to say, if it’s possible. Chagall isn’t a joke this time.

… as a unit. He’s not a joke as a unit. He’s still pretty much a joke as a person.  

… Chagall, I was trying to pay you a compliment for once, and here you go with a truly pathetic opening turn.  Try to put some effort in, buddy. End turn. Azel is probably gonna kill him next turn, but if he doesn’t he’ll be close enough to dead for Lachesis to get the kill with her Earth Sword. That’s karma.  So I have Chagall, and up to the north I have the team ready to smack some dragons in the face. End turn!

Azel, for fuck’s sake.  

*sigh* Ah well. Thus passes Chagall, king of Agustria. He died as he lived; with his face contorted into a horrifying grimace.

Meanwhile, to the north, most of Thracia attacks Jamke and only one hits him. But this guy might be an issue…

… You know, actually bro, if you could kill Jamke I kind of want to reset after Azel screwed me up there.

… … …

Actually, you know what, screw it. I’m terribly unhappy with that whole Chagall thing, and I’ve only reset once this chapter. Let’s try this again, back in a bit.

Sigurd: … You’re as foul as they come!

Chagall: Silence, you fool! You understand nothing of me! You die, Sigurd, here and now!

(God, you guys, this is kindergarten level banter.)

Much better. I got to show his convo with Sigurd, and next turn his one with Lachesis. Also Midir survived. And another fun thing; notice in Quan’s attack on Chagall, that blue light? That’s Pavise, a skill unique to Barons and promoted Armor Knights that gives them a chance to randomly negate all damage for that round. It’s annoying beyond all reason.  

Now, let’s try this again.

… Arden takes so beautifully little damage. And on my turn, I remind the enemy that flying units don’t handle arrows well.

Freakin’ beautiful. Jamke gets the commander’s Renewal Band, an item which will cause him to gain back a few HP every turn. Now then… slaughter?

Nice! Okay, time to Chagall.  First, let’s wear him down a lil’.

And theeeen…

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm revenge.

… Well, better than the last one she got.

Now, time to start working on minor stuff before taking the castle. North of it is a village; I have Erin take it.

This gives her a permanent +1 to defense, which she needs. She’s not performing to her usual standards. And the rest of the team starts moving off, while Sigurd gets ready to take the castle next turn.

Travant: Heh, farewell, King Chagall… you fool.

Travant may be a prick, but he’s smarter than half the other characters in the game, gotta admit. He doesn’t tell his dragons to actually leave, though; Up to the north, the Thracians are all kind enough to take shots at people who can’t counter them, and they all miss…

Well, except one who was apparently tired of this world. Well. The army continues running toward Madino to team up with the infantry again; they probably won’t make it in time, but it’s worth a shot. On the way, I liberate another village I skipped over before.

Late to the Party: Don’t think there’s been a war lately where someone or other didn’t hire ‘em. They’re like a pack of hyenes descendin’ on fresh prey: brutal and indiscriminate. Nothin’ survives in their wake…

Including them! Because I killed them all this turn. Nobody even gained a level so I didn’t even bother to screencap it. It was pretty sad.  

Well, we’re out of enemies, and we’re out of stuff to do, and everyone’s moved. Let’s seize Silvail and call it a week.

Oifey: By the way, Shanan has just arrived from Agusty. He’d like a word with you, sire.

(… Awkwaaaaaaaaard…)

Sigurd: Shanan?

Shanan: Sigurd! I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry!

Sigurd: What’s happening? Shanan, why are you crying?

Shanan: Deirdre’s gone! She left the castle and was looking to talk to you, but she never returned!

(“And some of your soldiers totally saw it happen, but didn’t help! I think they’re idiots!”)

Shanan: I’m sorry! I failed to protect her…

Sigurd: What?!  This can’t be happening!  And Seliph… Shanan, what about my son?!

Shanan: I’ve got Seliph with me. See, here he is.

(“… Shanan, where were you holding the baby that I couldn’t see him…?”)

Shanan: But Deirdre…

Sigurd: I see… Shanan, this isn’t your fault. Don’t worry. We’ll find her. No matter what it takes, I’ll find her.

Shanan: B-but… I… I should’ve tried harder to stop her! I’m so sorry, Sigurd…!

Sigurd: Deirdre… where could you be…

Welp. More proof that the top mind in our army is the small child. Meanwhile, to the north, another brilliant meeting of intellects is taking place.

Duvall: S’only a matter of time before them Grannvale guys’re bangin’ down our doors too, eh? What d’ya say?

Bridget: Damn it, Duvall!  The only reason they’re coming is because you lot all went pillaging, against my orders! You’ve got nobody but yourself to blame!

Duvall: Keh, enough! I can’t take yer arrogance anymore! Shut it an’ open yer ears! Ya actually ain’t the daughter of the old cap’n. Yer just some lil’ girl what the boss found, cryin’ alone in this ship we raided. The boss just picked ya up an’ raised ya. ‘Fore we knew it, ya’d all grown up an’ were bossin’ us all round, all nonsense-like!

Bridget: W-what?! I… that’s…

Duvall: But yer lil’ act’s worn its welcome out. No point keepin’ ya alive, eh?

Bridget: Damn it all… you really think you clowns can take me that easy?!

(They cannot. Bridget is an unstoppable nightmare monster.)

Try not to think too hard about why this band of random doofus pirates has an army of comparable size to the entire nation of Agustria. Just think of me stopping here, and turn back in next week to really get to meet Bridget, aka Death’s Little Helper.

Total Resets: Up to 16. Not bad!  Northern Agustria is way less cruel to me than the rest of the country was.

[phirephox666]

Weekly Fic Recs - BNHA

This is gonna be an experiment in, you know, actually doing something with my disaster of a blog. So! Weekly Fic Recs. Because I read, and have read, a fuckton of fic, and I like sharing. These are all BNHA and Bakugou-centric.

Weekly Rec Lists - More BNHA Recs

Beyond You and I by IvoryCrow 

Bakugou/Midoriya, Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakusquad, WIP, 8.5k

He has always known that Izuku Midoriya will undeniably become the best hero of their time. There was no amount of bullying he could ever inflict upon him to change that. But he never realized that this fate was strongly dependent on the existence of Katsuki Bakugou.

(In which Katsuki was born with a second, more subtle quirk.)

Honestly just a really interesting premise. I love the idea of secondary or subtle quirks and this is a neat execution of the idea. I like the interpretation of Bakugou in this, and I appreciate the focus on the friendships, not just the romance. I’m really enjoying this fic so far. 

More Than One Hero by verymerrysioux

Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakugou & Shinsou, Midoriya & Kirishima, Midoriya & Shinsou, Kirishima & Shinsou, Friendship/Gen, Crossover/Fusion, Reincarnation AU, WIP, 31k

Bakugou Katsuki is an odd child, quiet and unassuming at first glance. One wouldn’t think he’d have the makings of a hero. The people who actually know him say otherwise.

His parents will say he collects a lot of odd things, likes to make too many unnecessary explosions (quirk or not), and can be so quiet that people won’t know he’s there. His childhood friend will say he’s a little weird, switches from polite speech to swears-a-lot at the drop of a hat, and has the habit of giving things away as much as he collects them. His classmates and teachers in U.A will say he’s too nosy for his own good, rummages through all the pots in the campus way too much, and is often unfazed by anything thrown his way. No matter how bizarre it may be.

Regardless, they all think he’ll be a great hero.

The most ridiculous, wonderful thing. This fic is hilarious and amazing and such a strange concept. But it works! Fun and interesting and wildly weird. There’s also some really well done serious moments. The entire fic feels very organic and well done. Poor All Might, though, he’s not prepared for any of this nonsense. 

Slow to Start (But Quick to Burn) by mousapelli

Kirishima/Bakugou, A/b/o Dynamics, Complete, 29k

Bakugou is loud, abrasive, and way too strong to be a “good” omega, and he doesn’t give half a damn if that’s what everybody else thinks. The good news is that Kirishima is 100% into him just the way he is. The bad news is he might be 150% into Kirishima

I enjoy A/b/o and I really enjoy this sort of trope subversion. A really good build between Kirishima and Bakugou into a relationship. Not a bad integration of A/b/o into the Bnha universe, without just slapping Alpha/Omega labels on everyone and calling it good. 

believe in me, believe in you by gold_rush

Bakugou & Todoroki, Bakugou & Midoriya, Friendship/Gen, Complete, 4.6k

Katsuki accidentally sees evidence of Todoroki’s abuse and he is FURIOUS.

Should probably be subtitled “Bakugou Katsuki wants to drop kick Endeavor in the face”. Has some of my favorite stuff in it, protective Bakugou and Parental Aizawa. Also, some really solid Bakugou and Midoriya interaction. 

Put the Meat on My Bones by wonduhwoman

Bakugou/Midoriya/Uraraka, Bakugou & Shinsou, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakugou & Todoroki, Aged Up Midoriya & Uraraka, WIP,  42k

“Dude,” Kirishima said, “How much did he tip you?”

Katsuki glanced down at his hand clutching the money, “Two-hundred bucks.”

Sero whistled low.

“What’s this?” Yaoyorozu asked, stealing the slip of paper off the bar before Katsuki could protest. She unfolded it, eyes widening, “He gave you his number, Bakugou! He even drew a winky face next to it!”

The consequences of Midoriya and Bakugou not growing up and going to UA together. Well executed AU, and some really great characterization all around. I love the friendships between Bakugou and Shinsou, but also the friendships between Bakugou and class 1A. Very solid writing, and just a very enjoyable fic so far. 

Adventures with Bakugou by SatyrSyd37

Bakugou & Class 1A, Gen/Friendship, WIP, 21k

Class 1-A learns a lot from Bakugou, and Bakugou learns a lot from them.

‘Field trips with Zuko’ style adventures with Bakugou and each of the 1-A kiddos.

I just enjoy this concept immensely. Bakugou and 1A growing and learning together. Also, a little bit of exploration of some of the characters that don’t get as much screen-time in canon is always welcome. 

Exception by saruma_aki

Bakugou-centric, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakugou/Kirishima, Complete, 4.8k

Bakugou knew that certain things Kirishima would never personally agree with, just like the same applied for Bakugou in regards to Kirishima. But it was why they worked together so well.

Kirishima never hesitated to call Bakugou out on shit, and Bakugou always returned the favor. They engaged in their own personal sort of system of checks and balances, keeping each other in line, providing a unique sort of support.

They were each other’s best friend.

I really, really appreciate fics that deal with the fact that chaining up a fifteen year old in front of millions of people is a terrible idea and probably traumatizing. The fact that it was done by teachers that are supposed to be trusted authority figures is just… a thousand times worse. An excellent look at some of that. 

the world you keep erasing by Slumber

Bakugou/Kirishima, Bakugou & Midoriya, Soulmate AU, Platonic Soulmates,  Complete, 4.2k

Katsuki doesn’t remember a world without color.

He fucking hates it.

The soulmate AU where you can’t see colors before you meet your soulmate. Nice trope subversion and platonic soulmate bits. 

Valentine’s day chocolate is (not) overrated by Poteto

Bakugou/Kirishima, Bakusquad, Fluff, Complete, 5.2k

Bakugou thinks Valentine’s day is a bullshit holiday for bullshit people that spend money on useless sweets. However, if Kirishima wants chocolate that bad…

Super fluffy, super sweet, and super cute. Some really great Bakusquad interaction as well. I like the characterization of a slightly older Bakugou as well. 

Damned Chat-Fic by ooopo123

Bakusquad OT5, Iida/Midoriya/Todoroki, Chat Fic, WIP, 12.8k

5cent Pikachu: Okay! Now that we’re all assembled!

Jacked Up: Tell this Pokemon kin that Mother Mother is better than Of Monsters and Men

5cent Pikachu: N O — A class 1-A chat-fic that’s mostly Baku-Squad centric! Featuring a polyamorous Baku-Squad and other LGBT characters!

Bakusquad OT5 with super sweet interactions between them. Some really, really good class 1A interactions as well. I enjoy the backstories for the different characters. 

What Goes Around by AnglophilicSins

Bakugou & Class 1A, Bakugou-centric Ace Bakugou, WIP, 12k

Five times Bakugou Katsuki looked after his classmates and one time his classmates looked after him.

intertwined by crunchrapsupreme

Bakugou/Kirishima, NSFW, Complete, 6.4k

Kirishima asks Bakugou out in the beginning of April.

– (a study of kiribaku through the seasons)

Stray Bullet by AnonymousTwit

Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakugou & Class 1A, Bakugou-centric, Parental Aizawa, Parental All Might, Complete, 13k

Pushing through the crowd of students, the first thing he noticed was blood on the table. As he grew closer, he caught a small glimpse of Midoriya, his shoulders shaking so violently that they could cause an earthquake and eyes carrying so many emotions that it was absolutely dizzying.

Or

In which there’s a sniper attack at U.A. and Bakugou decides to do something selfless for once.

Bakugou is just a super-cool character and I love fics that focus on that. He has the potential to be a really great hero. Also, I just love him. 

come and fly away with me by wonduhwoman

Bakugou/Uraraka, Bakugou & Kirishima, A/b/o dynamics, Complete, 3k

Katsuki is an omega and he doesn’t give a fuck.

Ochako is an alpha and all she wants is to get on his level.

He can respect that.

Part One of they say dreamers never die

can you see the fire in these eyes by wonduhwoman

Bakugou/Uraraka, Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Midoriya & Uraraka, A/b/o dynamics, Complete, 5.8k

Was it really so impossible for everyone to get along?

Yes. Yes it was.

But in the end, even Katsuki agreed that omegas should stick together.

Part Two of they say dreamers never die

laugh all the way to hell by wonduhwoman

Bakugou/Uraraka, Bakugou & Todoroki, Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Midoriya & Uraraka & Todoroki, Bakugou & Kirishima, Complete, 8k

Katsuki would never admit it to anyone, but being in a pack with Ochako and Deku was actually kind of…fun.

There was just one two-toned, socially inept problem.

Part Three of they say dreamers never die

A Fleeting Smile by AnonymousTwit

Bakusquad, Bakugou & Class 1A, Families of Choice, Friendship/Gen, WIP, 5.7k

Or a collection of fifteen Bakusquad drabbles where someone outside of the Bakusquad catches a rare glimpse of a friendlier side of Bakugou Katsuki, and one time that is specifically reserved for the four people that he hates the least.

I love this fic more and more each chapter. 

Don’t want to lose, don’t want to cry, just want to keep laughing by darkinsanity13

Bakugou & Kaminari, Friendship/Gen, Fluff, Complete, 2.3k

Kaminari just wants to know what makes Bakugou laugh.

So cute, the cutest, I love it to bunches. 

Like Crystals, They Reflect Light by AniPendragon

Bakugou/Kirishima, Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Ashido, Fluff, Friendship/Gen, Complete, 3.6k

With Christmas right around the corner, Bakugou wonders if now is the time to tell Kirishima how he feels. He’s never been good at dramatic timing, but everyone confesses during the holidays in the movies, so it should work, right?

He’s never been a coward, but fuck if this isn’t terrifying. You can’t exactly punch your feelings, after all.

Just, I adore this fic so much. The Midoriya and Bakugou interactions in this are utterly and completely perfect. The Bakugou and Ashido friendship is sweet as all get out. And Bakugou and Kirishima are adorable. 

[prouxvaire]

Drinking Beer & Building Shit: Donkey Shelters

First, a warning: Sad farm shit ahead. 

About this time last year, I walked out to the barn one morning and found the older of my two donkeys, Doc, laying unresponsive on the ground. He was alive, but barely. The vet lives just down the road and was able to make it out to us quickly–so I didn’t have to wait long for help and a diagnosis–but it wasn’t good news. Doc had some kind of stroke or other neurological event in the early hours of the morning. He was blind, unable to stand up, not responsive to outside stimuli, and very clearly suffering. 

I’m not a person who puts down an animal easily or lightly, but in this case, there was no question about whether or not it was the right decision. And it still really sucked. 

My only consolation is that it was the best case scenario in a shitty situation. If the stroke happened in the middle of the night and I came out to find a dead donkey in the barn in the morning, I never would have known what caused it (and then would have been in a full-on panic about whether or not he got into something toxic, or if there was some kind of electrical hazard, or all of the million other scenarios I would blame myself for.) Or if the symptoms had been less severe, I might have held on longer than I should have and he would have suffered needlessly. 

And he was, in fact, an old donkey. An old donkey who had a good life here causing trouble and escaping fences, and generally giving me a run for my money in the “who can be the grumpiest old man on the farm” contest. 

So, losing him was fucking sad. 

It was two hours of pure crisis, adrenaline, sorrow, and then, when it was over and the vet was driving away, I turned back to the barn and realized… it was not actually over. Because there was a 300lb dead donkey in the barn. In December (When the ground is typically frozen… i.e not ideal for farm burials.) 

Let me say again, for the record, how fucking sad this was. And, also, a completely different set of logistics than when, say, a beloved family pet like a dog or cat dies. 

Anyway, my mom showed up with a case of beer and we got the thing done, but, let me just say… not the most fun part of farm life. (Possibly related note: I own a set of bucket forks and have access to a backhoe tractor attachment now.) 

So, that is the very sad part of this story. 

It’s also relevant to note that at this point in time I was just maxed the fuck out on “tasks”. There was almost a whole year of life there that just felt like a neverending set of tasks that sucked the life out of me and brought me no joy or energy. (Probably worth analyzing, but not in this post.) Finding a new donkey to integrate into the farm was an endeavour fraught with tasks, when my tank was already running on empty. 

At the same time, donkeys are social animals (you can’t just have a single donkey in a pasture by itself… that’s torture.) 

So–ignoring everything else going on in the world in early 2020–even just on the farm, both Parker and I were struggling. 

Initially the way we handled this was just by opening the gates to the pasture and letting Parks hang out wherever he pleased… 

When it was Parker and Doc together, the pasture escapes invariably ended up with me chasing both of them back from down the road like a crazy person (and, on one memorable occasion, getting dragged through a field by a donkey on the run, true story) … but Parker alone just wanted to hang out and be closer to the “action”. (i.e. whatever I had going on) 

(In another life I would definitely have a pasture closer to the house and more integrated with the back yard. Donkeys like being a part of stuff.) 

But, come summer, I couldn’t ignore that Parker needed more donkey friends (and that getting him donkey friends was going to mean a lot more work for me.) 

One of my good (human) friends found a donkey rescue about an hour away, and the director of that donkey rescue convinced me to adopt 3 new bonded donkeys. 

That’s a mom (Marianne), her boyfriend (Guy), and her daughter (Zoey.) 

Parker was super excited to meet them at first. But they had been spending most of their time in a pasture with 20 other donkeys, so they were actually more excited for wide open spaces and grass, than to hang out with Parker.  

Also, Parker took a liking to Marianne, and Guy took exception to a dude hitting on his girlfriend… and I had a regular donkey love triangle on my hands. 

It became clear, quickly, that all of them could not share a pasture. Also, there was a fencing shortage in 2020 because… reasons. I guess everyone was building fences and using a lot of toilet paper in quarantine? 

I rigged up two different versions of a “fence” that the donkeys basically just laughed at and jumped over about 30 seconds after I thought I was done. (Did not know donkeys were jumpers before this… fun fact for me.) Then my mom took over with the help of my neighbor and rigged up, well, this thing… 

And I’m going to say it was 67% effective, because one third of the donkeys figured out how to do this… 

You really have to watch that thing to the end… it is astounding.

(If this post is starting to feel like an epic saga, imagine what it was like to live the thing.) 

Anyway, efficacy of the fence notwithstanding, I needed another shelter (aka run-in) for the donkeys, since they all couldn’t share space in the barn without a lot of aggression. Which meant this mess had to go… 

I built this addition/annex to the chicken run back in 2017 when my chickens were being mysteriously killed. (By, it turned out, a dog that lives down the road, and was slipping the fence when the batteries on his electric collar went out.)It looked a lot better then. 

For the most part, since the dog was secured, the chicken run (and annex) have only been used periodically. And, in the meantime, have collected a lot of weeds. So… 

Goodbye chicken run annex. 

So many “helpers” on the farm.

There’s some old barn foundation in this area so I used tapcons and the sheer force of my will to hold the posts in place for this build. Then tied it in to the existing barn “framing”. (I use that term loosely because that barn is older than all of us.) 

Still holds up though. 

The roofing I used on the chicken run was basically corrugated asphalt, which I know, sounds weird…but it’s cheap, easy to install, and good for scrappy farm structures. For these purposes I want general shelter, but nothing needs to be weatherproof obviously. 

Not going to lie, it takes a soft (and accurate) touch with a hammer to install this stuff, because if you miss the nail it’s super easy to put a hole in.)  Perhaps best installed sans beer? I wouldn’t know. 

Fun fact about corrugated asphalt roofing… I guess it’s delicious? 

I wouldn’t know, BUT THE DONKEYS WOULD. 

Generally I have no complaints about this roofing except for one thing… between the time I built the chicken run and the time I built the addition, they changed the size of their sheets from 4×6 to 3×6 (and also were straight out of the color gray this summer.) So I ended up short a panel and also now I have a multi-colored barn roof. 

Normally this shit would drive me nuts, but honestly… 2020 was exhausting. 

This run-in has one wall open to the north, and the west side was finished off with pine planks. 

While the intent was to provide shade and shelter in late summer and fall, it’s not appropriate for an all-season shelter in Michigan. 

So while that was a good weekend project last summer, I also had to do some modifications in the barn to have a split stall. 

This was the existing set-up: 

Although just for reference, this was the setup back in 2013 when I first decided to adopt donkeys: 

So, marked improvement. 

But it was not enough space for ALL the donkeys, particularly ALL the donkeys that did not get along. So. 

The back wall came out, and I created a flexible “stall” by adding a fence gate (so the barn can be one stall or two, with a second entry through an old man-door on the north side of the barn.) 

Let me just say, it required a lot of “creative” engineering… (creative = beer, just FYI.) 

So, good news, it kind of worked, in that all of this effort did manage to keep my one lonely donkey separated from the three larger donkeys who wanted to bully him. But it didn’t work in that the whole point of this endeavor was for Parker not to be One Lonely Donkey. 

Marianne, Zoe, and Guy would be incredible donkeys for anyone who either had an established herd or were just adopting those three alone (they were super friendly and great with people… also, hilarious) but, in this case, were not good friends for Parker, and also (if it wasn’t clear) a metric fuckton of work for me. 

Honestly, the thing that is obvious now (and really should have been obvious then) is that you can’t bring 3 bonded donkeys into a space with one single donkey and expect everyone to be friends. After two months with only increased aggression toward Parker I decided I couldn’t foster the 3 larger donkeys any longer, and instead sent my mom on a mission to find one other lonely male donkey that might be less aggressive and more likely to bond with Parker. 

So… 

Meet Nigel. 

Nigel and Parker spent 3 weeks in separate pastures, but are now living together on the farm like a couple of grumpy old men. (Which makes three of us.) 

And listen, dealing with donkey drama really was the least of anyone’s concerns (including mine) in 2020, but still, it was exhausting.

Anway, we got through it…

Welcome to the farm, buddy. 

from https://ift.tt/3cKFmAS

[sureyhny]

Drinking Beer & Building Shit: Donkey Shelters

First, a warning: Sad farm shit ahead. 

About this time last year, I walked out to the barn one morning and found the older of my two donkeys, Doc, laying unresponsive on the ground. He was alive, but barely. The vet lives just down the road and was able to make it out to us quickly–so I didn’t have to wait long for help and a diagnosis–but it wasn’t good news. Doc had some kind of stroke or other neurological event in the early hours of the morning. He was blind, unable to stand up, not responsive to outside stimuli, and very clearly suffering. 

I’m not a person who puts down an animal easily or lightly, but in this case, there was no question about whether or not it was the right decision. And it still really sucked. 

My only consolation is that it was the best case scenario in a shitty situation. If the stroke happened in the middle of the night and I came out to find a dead donkey in the barn in the morning, I never would have known what caused it (and then would have been in a full-on panic about whether or not he got into something toxic, or if there was some kind of electrical hazard, or all of the million other scenarios I would blame myself for.) Or if the symptoms had been less severe, I might have held on longer than I should have and he would have suffered needlessly. 

And he was, in fact, an old donkey. An old donkey who had a good life here causing trouble and escaping fences, and generally giving me a run for my money in the “who can be the grumpiest old man on the farm” contest. 

So, losing him was fucking sad. 

It was two hours of pure crisis, adrenaline, sorrow, and then, when it was over and the vet was driving away, I turned back to the barn and realized… it was not actually over. Because there was a 300lb dead donkey in the barn. In December (When the ground is typically frozen… i.e not ideal for farm burials.) 

Let me say again, for the record, how fucking sad this was. And, also, a completely different set of logistics than when, say, a beloved family pet like a dog or cat dies. 

Anyway, my mom showed up with a case of beer and we got the thing done, but, let me just say… not the most fun part of farm life. (Possibly related note: I own a set of bucket forks and have access to a backhoe tractor attachment now.) 

So, that is the very sad part of this story. 

It’s also relevant to note that at this point in time I was just maxed the fuck out on “tasks”. There was almost a whole year of life there that just felt like a neverending set of tasks that sucked the life out of me and brought me no joy or energy. (Probably worth analyzing, but not in this post.) Finding a new donkey to integrate into the farm was an endeavour fraught with tasks, when my tank was already running on empty. 

At the same time, donkeys are social animals (you can’t just have a single donkey in a pasture by itself… that’s torture.) 

So–ignoring everything else going on in the world in early 2020–even just on the farm, both Parker and I were struggling. 

Initially the way we handled this was just by opening the gates to the pasture and letting Parks hang out wherever he pleased… 

When it was Parker and Doc together, the pasture escapes invariably ended up with me chasing both of them back from down the road like a crazy person (and, on one memorable occasion, getting dragged through a field by a donkey on the run, true story) … but Parker alone just wanted to hang out and be closer to the “action”. (i.e. whatever I had going on) 

(In another life I would definitely have a pasture closer to the house and more integrated with the back yard. Donkeys like being a part of stuff.) 

But, come summer, I couldn’t ignore that Parker needed more donkey friends (and that getting him donkey friends was going to mean a lot more work for me.) 

One of my good (human) friends found a donkey rescue about an hour away, and the director of that donkey rescue convinced me to adopt 3 new bonded donkeys. 

That’s a mom (Marianne), her boyfriend (Guy), and her daughter (Zoey.) 

Parker was super excited to meet them at first. But they had been spending most of their time in a pasture with 20 other donkeys, so they were actually more excited for wide open spaces and grass, than to hang out with Parker.  

Also, Parker took a liking to Marianne, and Guy took exception to a dude hitting on his girlfriend… and I had a regular donkey love triangle on my hands. 

It became clear, quickly, that all of them could not share a pasture. Also, there was a fencing shortage in 2020 because… reasons. I guess everyone was building fences and using a lot of toilet paper in quarantine? 

I rigged up two different versions of a “fence” that the donkeys basically just laughed at and jumped over about 30 seconds after I thought I was done. (Did not know donkeys were jumpers before this… fun fact for me.) Then my mom took over with the help of my neighbor and rigged up, well, this thing… 

And I’m going to say it was 67% effective, because one third of the donkeys figured out how to do this… 

You really have to watch that thing to the end… it is astounding.

(If this post is starting to feel like an epic saga, imagine what it was like to live the thing.) 

Anyway, efficacy of the fence notwithstanding, I needed another shelter (aka run-in) for the donkeys, since they all couldn’t share space in the barn without a lot of aggression. Which meant this mess had to go… 

I built this addition/annex to the chicken run back in 2017 when my chickens were being mysteriously killed. (By, it turned out, a dog that lives down the road, and was slipping the fence when the batteries on his electric collar went out.)It looked a lot better then. 

For the most part, since the dog was secured, the chicken run (and annex) have only been used periodically. And, in the meantime, have collected a lot of weeds. So… 

Goodbye chicken run annex. 

So many “helpers” on the farm.

There’s some old barn foundation in this area so I used tapcons and the sheer force of my will to hold the posts in place for this build. Then tied it in to the existing barn “framing”. (I use that term loosely because that barn is older than all of us.) 

Still holds up though. 

The roofing I used on the chicken run was basically corrugated asphalt, which I know, sounds weird…but it’s cheap, easy to install, and good for scrappy farm structures. For these purposes I want general shelter, but nothing needs to be weatherproof obviously. 

Not going to lie, it takes a soft (and accurate) touch with a hammer to install this stuff, because if you miss the nail it’s super easy to put a hole in.)  Perhaps best installed sans beer? I wouldn’t know. 

Fun fact about corrugated asphalt roofing… I guess it’s delicious? 

I wouldn’t know, BUT THE DONKEYS WOULD. 

Generally I have no complaints about this roofing except for one thing… between the time I built the chicken run and the time I built the addition, they changed the size of their sheets from 4×6 to 3×6 (and also were straight out of the color gray this summer.) So I ended up short a panel and also now I have a multi-colored barn roof. 

Normally this shit would drive me nuts, but honestly… 2020 was exhausting. 

This run-in has one wall open to the north, and the west side was finished off with pine planks. 

While the intent was to provide shade and shelter in late summer and fall, it’s not appropriate for an all-season shelter in Michigan. 

So while that was a good weekend project last summer, I also had to do some modifications in the barn to have a split stall. 

This was the existing set-up: 

Although just for reference, this was the setup back in 2013 when I first decided to adopt donkeys: 

So, marked improvement. 

But it was not enough space for ALL the donkeys, particularly ALL the donkeys that did not get along. So. 

The back wall came out, and I created a flexible “stall” by adding a fence gate (so the barn can be one stall or two, with a second entry through an old man-door on the north side of the barn.) 

Let me just say, it required a lot of “creative” engineering… (creative = beer, just FYI.) 

So, good news, it kind of worked, in that all of this effort did manage to keep my one lonely donkey separated from the three larger donkeys who wanted to bully him. But it didn’t work in that the whole point of this endeavor was for Parker not to be One Lonely Donkey. 

Marianne, Zoe, and Guy would be incredible donkeys for anyone who either had an established herd or were just adopting those three alone (they were super friendly and great with people… also, hilarious) but, in this case, were not good friends for Parker, and also (if it wasn’t clear) a metric fuckton of work for me. 

Honestly, the thing that is obvious now (and really should have been obvious then) is that you can’t bring 3 bonded donkeys into a space with one single donkey and expect everyone to be friends. After two months with only increased aggression toward Parker I decided I couldn’t foster the 3 larger donkeys any longer, and instead sent my mom on a mission to find one other lonely male donkey that might be less aggressive and more likely to bond with Parker. 

So… 

Meet Nigel. 

Nigel and Parker spent 3 weeks in separate pastures, but are now living together on the farm like a couple of grumpy old men. (Which makes three of us.) 

And listen, dealing with donkey drama really was the least of anyone’s concerns (including mine) in 2020, but still, it was exhausting.

Anway, we got through it…

Welcome to the farm, buddy. 

from Home Improvement http://diydiva.net/2021/02/drinking-beer-building-shit-donkey-shelters/ via http://www.rssmix.com/