#or so he told me Lol like dad like kid huh ....... we are silly <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[astrxealis]

i love asking me friends for small things wow... got da inquisition Finally bcs #Sale but was wondering who to romance. my friend pointed at my two other choices and said "hah no. government" (??) and then said yes to sera LMFAOOO <333

[bibbawrites]

Underwater Memories - Single Dad!Charlie x Owen

THIS IS PART 3 OF THE SINGLE DAD!CHARLIE SERIES YOU CAN READ PART 1 HERE AND THE PREQUEL (PART 2) HERE

Request: not technically but i had a few comments for more chowen 

Word Count: 1955 words

Summary: charlie, owen and margaux spend the day at the aquarium and charlie realises some important feelings

Warnings: romantic chowen- if you do not feel comfortable please do not read

A/N: you guys asked for more chowen in this series so here you go, i tried to do it in a way where i guess you could still see them as platonic if you feel more comfortable (not that it really worked, its pretty obvious that charlie has feelings for owen in this lol) but if you do want them to be more romantic then here’s your slowish burn haha also please don’t hate on me for posting this this is a FICTIONAL STORY, please remember that! 

Tag List: @happinessinthedarkesttimes​​ @littlemissaddict​​ @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic​​ @headheartbellarke​​ @lovesanimals​​ @bartok-the-magnificent​​ @juliefromaustralia @multi-universe21 @rangerelik @kaitieskidmore1 @katrina765​ @fandomxreaders​​ 

Charlie gripped onto Owen’s hand tightly as they made their way across the car park to the entrance of the aquarium, Margaux held safely in his arms. He had taken Owen’s hand at first, claiming that it was so they wouldn’t lose each other, but they both knew that was a lie, the car park was almost empty. 

Margaux had been begging to visit the aquarium ever since the three of them had watched Finding Dory together on a rainy Saturday afternoon, and Charlie was never one to be able to refuse his daughter. 

So now, on their first full day off from filming, Charlie had found the nearest aquarium and had packed Margaux and Owen into the car for a family bonding day. 

As they walked Margaux chattered away about what she wanted to see at the aquarium, and neither Owen nor Charlie had the heart to tell her she probably wouldn’t find a whale in the middle of Vancouver. Instead they just let her excitedly dream about what she might find in the large white building. 

Reaching the entrance to the aquarium Margaux squirmed in Charlie’s arms. 

“Walk Daddy?” She asked, and Charlie placed her down, taking her hand instead. 

“Hi there, do you have a booking?” The girl behind the front desk asked, a smile on her face. 

“Yeah we do, under Charlie Gillespie.” Charlie responded. The girl began to type before nodding. 

“Awesome, here are your wristbands.” She held out the three bands, which Owen took since he had a spare hand. The girl smiled at them. 

“Have a lovely day.” She told them, and both Charlie and Owen returned her smile. 

“We will, thank you.” Charlie replied. 

They stepped off to the side so that they could put their wristbands on, Charlie smiling to himself when Owen linked their fingers again after Charlie had finished putting Margaux’s wristband around her tiny wrist. 

“You ready Maggie?” Owen asked as the three of them entered the first room of the aquarium. 

“Yeah!” Margaux grinned up at them. She tugged her hand out of Charlie’s rushing over to the nearest tank with a large smile on her face. 

“Look at this one Daddy.” She called, and Charlie pulled Owen along with him as he made his way to Margaux’s side. 

“Do you know what that one is?” He asked, looking into the tank. Margaux looked up at him, eyes full of curiosity. 

“No.” She replied. Charlie smiled. 

“It’s called a stingray.” He told her. Her eyes widened in excitement. 

“Hi stingray!” Margaux smiled, leaning closer to the tank. She giggled, looking up at her dad and Owen. 

“He’s pretty.” She said. 

“He is.” Owen agreed, staring at Charlie, and Charlie felt his heart skip a beat, his mind racing. He opened his mouth to reply, but Margaux was already tugging them towards the next tank. 

He’d figure out Owen later, for now he was ready to watch the excitement on the face of his baby girl. 

- 

“Papa look at that penguin.” Margaux tugged on Owen’s hoodie, her other hand pointing towards a penguin who was swimming in front of her. Charlie’s heart filled with warmth at the name she had for Owen. It was a new adjustment, her dropping Owen’s name and just calling him Papa instead of Papa Owen, but it was one that both Owen and Charlie loved.

Charlie watched the two of them with a smile, Owen kneeling down next to Margaux and the three year old leaning against him. He was so glad that Owen had been so accepting of Margaux, there had been a part of Charlie that had figured that Owen wouldn’t want anything to do with the toddler. He was only 20 after all, and Charlie wouldn’t have blamed him one bit if he had preferred to do normal 20 year old things, but no, Owen had adopted the role of babysitter, and then eventually another parent to Margaux easily. 

Charlie’s heart swelled with an unfamiliar feeling as he moved closer, his hand resting on Owen’s shoulder automatically. He had begun to notice this feeling around Owen quite a lot recently, but he was yet to figure out exactly what it was. 

“Char?” Owen’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he glanced down, finding both Owen and Margaux staring up at him with expectant eyes. Charlie’s eyes lingered on Owen for a moment, the sight of the blond boy on his knees in front of Charlie bringing less than appropriate thoughts into his mind. He swallowed quickly, his eyes focusing on Margaux. 

“Sorry wasn’t listening, what’s up?” He asked. 

“Can we go to the tunnel?” Margaux said, looking up at her father with pleading eyes. 

The tunnel was an area of the aquarium where you could walk underneath a large glass tunnel and watch fish, sharks and more swimming above you and around you, like you were inside the water with them. Margaux had been desperate to go in since they had arrived. 

“Yeah of course we can.” Charlie replied and Margaux squealed with excitement. The family of three headed back upstairs to the entrance of the tunnel, Margaux leading the way happily. 

“You okay? You seem distracted.” Owen asked softly, linking his hand with Charlie’s again. A brief thought flicked through Charlie’s mind that they had been holding hands for longer than they hadn’t been that day. 

“Just got a lot going on in my head.” Charlie replied. Owen gave him a sympathetic look. 

“Wanna talk about it?” He said, and Charlie hesitated. How could he explain to Owen that all of the thoughts in his head were about him? How could he explain the weird feeling in his heart and stomach whenever the blond boy was around? 

“Later.” He told Owen, mostly so that Owen wouldn’t ask any more questions. Owen gave his hand a light squeeze as they entered through the gates of the tunnel. 

“Okay.” Owen whispered, before turning his attention back to Margaux. Charlie did the same, smiling down at his daughter who was looking up in awe. 

“Woah, look, shark!” Margaux grinned, pointing to the large shark swimming above them. 

“What’s the name of the shark in Finding Nemo?” Owen muttered quietly, leaning towards Charlie. Charlie chuckled quietly. 

“Bruce.” He whispered back. 

“It’s Bruce.” Owen said in a normal volume. Margaux looked up at him. 

“No Papa, it’s Daddy Shark.” Margaux shook her head at Owen, an unimpressed look covering her face, and Charlie couldn’t help but laugh at the sass that was radiating from her response. 

“They might be the same shark, you don’t know that.” Owen fired back. Margaux squinted at him. 

“No.” She stated. Owen raised an eyebrow. 

“No?” He repeated. Margaux nodded, turning back to the sharks. 

“You’re silly.” She stated and Owen’s jaw dropped. He turned to Charlie, pouting. 

“Char! Your kid is sassing me.” He whined. Charlie laughed, ruffling Margaux’s curls. Margaux grinned cheekily. 

“So I hear.” He replied. “And she won.” 

“Daddy, carry me?” Margaux asked, and Charlie obeyed quickly, lifting her into his arms. She smiled, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. 

“Love you.” She whispered. Charlie’s heart almost exploded. 

“I love you too baby.” He replied. “More than anything.”  

- 

Once they were finished in the tunnel, Margaux had started to snuggle into Charlie’s arms, her head on his shoulder, a telling sign that the three year old was getting tired. 

“You tired baby?” Charlie asked softly as they headed up the stairs to the ground floor of the aquarium. Margaux nodded. 

“Yeah.” She replied. 

“Time to go home?” Charlie said, mostly directing his question to Owen, who was walking along beside him, still gripping onto Charlie’s hand. 

“Looks like it.” Owen agreed. They headed through the building, arriving at the small gift store at the exit. 

“Do you want a present?” Charlie rested his head on Margaux’s. The three year old eyed the stuffed toys across the store sleepily. 

“Yes please Daddy.” Margaux smiled softly at him. Owen let go of his hand, motioning towards a display of aquarium branded hats and Charlie rolled his eyes slightly but nodded to let Owen know he understood. Owen headed off and Charlie walked over to the wall of stuffed toys. 

“Which one?” He asked, and Margaux sat up in his arms, scanning the toys. Her eyes landed on a small, white polar bear and she reached out for it. Charlie grabbed it off the shelf and handed it to her. 

“This one?” He questioned. Margaux just hummed in response, already snuggling back into his arms, the polar bear clutched to her chest. Charlie’s heart swelled as he made his way over to Owen, and they checked out quickly before leaving and heading home for a well deserved nap. 

- 

Later that evening, after dinner, a bath and some play time, Charlie was tucking Margaux into her bed, the three year old exhausted from the day. He picked up the stuffed bear that they had bought at the aquarium, holding it out to the toddler. 

“Here’s your polar bear.” He said. She took it happily. 

“His name is Fishy.” She said, and Charlie held back a laugh. 

“Fishy?” He questioned, sitting on the edge of the bed. Margaux nodded. 

“Uh-huh. Cause he likes eating them.” She explained. Charlie made a face of understanding. 

“So we should call you nuggets and pizza then?” He teased.

“No!” Margaux giggled. 

“What about macaroni?” He suggested. Margaux squealed with laughter. 

“No, I’m Margaux.” She said through laughs. Charlie’s heart was filled with love hearing her laughter. It really was the most incredible sound he’d ever heard. 

“Oh, well that’s a better name than nuggets pizza macaroni.” Charlie grinned. Margaux giggled. 

“Silly Daddy.” She said. Charlie laughed at the three year old. 

He lent down, kissing the top of her head gently. 

“Okay, time for sleep baby girl.” He told her. Margaux pouted slightly. 

“Stay?” She asked, snuggling down into her bed, Fishy the polar bear held tightly in her arms. Charlie nodded, he could never say no to that request. 

“Always.” He replied, laying down in the small space next to her. 

“Love you Daddy.” Margaux mumbled. Charlie smiled, placing another kiss to her head. 

“I love you too princess.” He whispered. 

He played with her curls, singing softly, and in no time at all Margaux was fast asleep and Charlie was sneaking out of her bed and heading back down the hall to the lounge room where he had left Owen.  

He sat down on the couch, the blond boy instantly wriggling closer to cuddle into him. Charlie glanced towards the TV, noting that Owen had loaded up the movie they had started watching a few nights ago, but had never finished. He pressed play, leaning into Owen wordlessly, and for the rest of the movie they just snuggled quietly. 

As the credits rolled Owen sat up, and Charlie shivered at the loss of warmth. 

“Thanks for today, I really needed it.” Owen mumbled, clearly sleepy. 

“Me too. I’m glad you came.” Charlie admitted, watching as Owen’s cheeks flushed at the comment. Owen swallowed before talking again. 

“And now I’m exhausted.” He said. Charlie reached out, ruffling his hair. 

“Get some sleep, I want to take you and Mags to this really nice cafe I found for breakfast.” He told the blond, and Owen nodded, standing up. 

“Sounds great.” Owen yawned again, leaning down to kiss Charlie’s cheek, and Charlie felt his heart speed up at the contact. 

“Night Char, love you.” Before Charlie could even reply Owen had left the room, leaving Charlie on the couch, his heart still fluttering from the kiss. 

The kiss. Oh. 

Oh. 

He was so fucked. 

[fanfictin]

Liz flicks through the Clone Wars for interactions between favourite disaster dad/brother and anger child and also maybe his ‘snippy?’ padawan

1-2

“Anakin, where are you?” said in the most long-suffering voice as obiwan holos anakin and ahsoka in their ship not following orders

1-3

“I hope you know what you’re doing, anakin” “Well, if I don’t, I won’t be around to hear the I told you so” “That’s reassuring...”

1-4

Subtly has never been one of your strong points, Anakin.

Everything I know, I learned from you, Master.

(why does obiwan keep saluting every time he runs from grevious)

You know we have GUNS. You can shoot back ANY TIME. -Anakin

(anakin still calling obiwan Master gives me life)

(also disaster gang really do call each other by Snips and Skyguy, huh)

1-5

“Still here, Anakin? When was the last time you slept?” (FUCK yes,, my favourite trope) [...] “Since then, he vanished.” “Well, unlike you, maybe he’s getting some much-needed rest” (the SASS. the CARE.)

1-6

“Suicide is not the jedi way, Master” asgfgdhkslfhsdalafl out of context that’s hysterical

(anyway none of these episodes are connected i have no idea what the fuck is happening or just happened at any point)

FINALLY some hurt/comfort. the classic “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” and blackout. nice.

awwwww ahsoshka trying to cheer up anakin and anakin just “you can’t replace r2″ i mean he’s right

Ahsoka has a green saber!! bless. love that.

1-7

Rex IS calling Ahsoka ‘Sir’. love it.

“Where’s R2 when i need him” awww ani

okay Grevious’ bodyguards are WAY harder to kill than that,, do you know how many times i have done that level in lego starwars,, I--

“Besides, R2 is more than a droid. He’s a friend.” 0,.0

1-11

ObiWan and Anakin their typical -anakin from the ceiling- anakin: oh it’s you obiwan: This is how you thank me for rescuing you? and THEN-- How am I supposed to become a jedi master if I’m getting caught all the time At least you’re a master of getting caught HYSTERICAL

it’s just Them on a mission. much love. i’m crey. they work so well together. “Why do I even try” that’s the obi wan exasperated abt his padawan that i know and love. crey.

BICKERING WHILE THEY CRASH LAND A SHIP. LOVE.

rock fall!! oh they’re fine. okay well the banter is pretty good and brief panic. 

Anakin, when I tell you to run, Run. Master! You’re alive! And where is your lightsaber? It got knocked out of my hand. By a rock? Yeah. By a rock. You know what would be helpful? A little light. Certainly. -obiwans lightsaber doesn’t work- Silly thing. It was working just a minute ago. You don’t suppose it was hit... by a rock, do you? -obiwan dramatically points a finger and is abt to give his padawan a piece of his mind-

Anaking running away while Obwan is chill,, perfect. ObiWan helps at just the right time. they use the force together to put it down. PERFEDCT.

They get poison gassed and ahsoka rescues them and they just say it was fine I LOVE IT OH MY GOSH DISASTER TRIO

oh my gosh they knew the drinks were poisoned or whatever and switched them and they look so SMUG abt it--

okay write it down, 1-11 absolute favourite 

1-12

okay never mind, they were drugged and wake up together caught. typical.

obiwan holding anger anakin back from yelling at count dooku. amazing.

“Do control your protege’s insolence so I can concentrate” “Anakin.” “WHAT” “Control your insolence. The count is concentrating” THE SASS

oh my gosh a very unusual trio. Dooku just like “I would kill you both rn if i didn’t have to drag your bodies” not bc they’re his enemies but bc of the banter and sass

getting electrocuted then immediately breaking each others bonds and fighting back. yes.

1-13

heck yes. anakin saving everyone and getting hurt himself? ahsoka going back for him? fuck yes. my shit.

so anakin does get hurt. badly. and WHY did i not find this on tumblr?? also,, ahsoka calling him anakin when he’s unconscious? fuck yes.

“I’ve certainly perfected the art of demolishing ships and getting my master killed” oh ahsoka you did so well dear one. she loves her master so much.

Rex does call ahsoka ‘kid’. i love.

the weak person just abt waking up and trying to get up bc danger and the one watching over him being worried and defending him? another favourite trope.

1-14

ooooo a straight up continuation. nice. anakin “you’re still too injured to move” oh the drama

an injury CONTINUING to impeded a character afterwards?? whoa. anakin rlly is the chosen one.

oooo stealth mission, this is exactly how i play a stealth thing like this!

LIGHTSABER GO WOOSH WOOSH BUZZ

1-15

snow time. pls let anakin complain abt the snow. someone get cold. pls. that’s all i ask. but either way, it’s anakin and obiwan mission time together again!

summary: that guy was dumb and i’m glad he died

1-16

anakin smashing several windows to get to obiwan in another tower. yes.

“How did YOU get over here” “I improvised”

1-17

“You seem a bit on edge” [...] “So yes, I’m a bit on edge!! Why aren’t you?” “I’m better at hiding it.” eyyyy

THEY WERE TALKING ON THE COMMS AND THEY JUST RAN INTO EACH OTHER IN A CROSS CORRIDOR and ahsoka just like “Master?”

disaster gang stop a virus and they’re all fine. ..good for them.. i gues.. just kidding, i love them

obiwan trying to calm anakin down abt padme and ahsoka but also knowing that anakin is rlly worried

“You just destroyed 17 defenseless battle driods without suffering a scratch” “18 actually”

1-18

“It was a trap Snips. It wasn’t your fault.” “Take heart, little one. That’s the reality of command” oh anakin you’re almost a good master

1-22

anakin gave his lightsaber to padme as a joke and now he’s trying to fight eithout it lol

he got shocked out and caught lol and padme is like hm can i show affection for an unconscious jedi without ppl thihnking hes my husband

“Please Ani. Wake up” wakes up like okay anyway let’s leave

.

okay it’s gone midnight and i have work and uni interview tomorrow,, that’s s1

[chaotictommy]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED... I WAS NOMINATED BY @transjohnnylawrence .......... Omg 😱 😭🤧😂

okay, so I’ve prepared a speech... or — well...

I’d like to thank my mom, my — what am I saying?

Thank you @transjohnnylawrence Ferris you rock man 💖🌻💖

Okay, let’s do this....

It’s the year 2021 and you’re obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?:

Hell yeah! I love TKK, I’m feeling great about it, and I mean, I’ve met a lot of great people in the fandom and great friends <3 Cobra Kai is awesome too!

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?:

Lol, I guess I grew up with it? I saw TKK when I was six or seven years old and it’s a good memory because my dad was there from one of his excruciatingly long deployments and he had found it on television and he scooped me up and set me in his lap and we watched it together. Of course he fell asleep halfway through and the only reason he woke up was because I tried to do the flying kick that Bobby does to take out Danny’s knee, and I fell over and ended up busting my knee a little on the side of the coffee table, my dad woke up and ended up telling me off for hurting myself, but we sat down and watched the last minute, after he’d put a bandaid on my knee. My dad ended up getting it at the library a while later on VHS so I could see the beginning and ending because I had missed both, it’s kind of one of the best memories I have of my dad. After that, a lot of stuff happened in my life and I kinda forgot about it till I saw a trailer for Cobra Kai, and after that I rented the film from my local library, and watched it about five times... then on a different site I met @transjohnnylawrence and he asked me to a TKK watch party, which honestly was the best. ✨ I’ve met a lot of great people in this fandom and I am so happy that I found it again, because I’ve made some friends... <3 but I said that already :) ✨

We gotta do the basics. Favourite character:

TOMMY!!! lol... I don’t actually know... I love them all, but Bobby, Jimmy, Dutch, or Tommy for TKK, definitely Jessica is a top fave and I don’t mind Ali... my favorite character in Cobra Kai has to be either Robby or Amanda... or Moon or Demetri... but I really relate to Robby

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?:

I prefer neither. I guess I tend to go for the whole Mr. Miyagi speech about balance. That or ‘Get him a body bag, yeahhh,’ — Actually, I once changed the line just a little to use. I once flunked down into a chair at a cafeteria table, set my head down on the table, and stated ‘get me a body bag,’ and my friend looked at me and said ‘exams are going that bad huh?’ and I just nodded and proceeded to fall asleep on the table because I hadn’t had any sleep... also, I said ‘Get him a body bag’ once when my sister jokingly told me to sike our dad out when we were playing pool in teams... and I took it literally and my dad just looked very surprised and started laughing.... but yeah... what was the question? if i had to choose, it would be Sweep the Leg ... Or Wax on, Wax off, depending on my mood Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favourite?:

The silly little flannel with the camo pants... since I have worn something very similar and been teased for it... 😅😂 there’s so many that I liked though... I really dislike that he wears only suits now and they’re the stuffy kind...

Favourite ship:

Johnny/Jimmy, Dimmy (Dutch/Jimmy), I blame two fanfic writers for this one, but — Johnny/Bobby/Dutch... Also, Dutch/Tommy, Dutch/Jimmy/Tommy, Kumiko/Jessica/Ali, Bonny, Lucille/Miyagi and Johnny/Bobby/Tommy/Jimmy/Dutch, And Tommy/Ali... for CK, I’m big into Sam/Demetri, Robby/Moon, and Hawk and Demetri but as Binary Brothers ............. there’s too many

Underrated character:

JeSsIcA — yeah, definitely Jessica! And Tommy! And Jimmy! Dutch! And totally Bobby... but Jessica is definitely number One ☝️ in my underrated characters list...

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):

i like Jimmy/Dutch or Tommy/Ali but Kumiko/Jessica/Ali are top on my list... that and Bobby/Freddy (They’d look pretty cute together, I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀��) that and Thera— Tommy/Johnny ... for CK it’s definitely Sam/Aisha or Amanda/Johnny lol... joking with that one... Robby/Moon

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:

screw Terry Silver! NO SERIOUSLY SCREW HIM AND KREESE... I want to see Jessica and Dutch!!! and more of the Og Cobras 🐍 😩♥️ Maybe even Julie... but definitely Jessica and Dutch (Lol I feel strongly about this)

Scene that lives in your head rent-free:

the goodbye scene with Tommy in Take a Right... it just sticks with me even though it’s a sad scene... but just hearing them talk by the campfire and seeing Tommy giving Johnny advice and helping him... and also, just... yeah, that just 🥺... got stuck in my head... that or the scene with Robby where he finds his childhood artwork at his dad’s apartment, I get emotionally drawn in thinking about my own childhood, for TKK it was the scene where Bobby is disqualified and throws his belt down in front of Kreese and walks out... and seeing Johnny’s face in the background as Bobby took Daniel out, it just is another sad scene. Or the Halloween fight where Bobby tells Johnny to leave Daniel alone... also, the beach scene with Johnny and Bobby being real pals on their bikes, and Dutch’s yellow helmet rolling across the ground... the soccer tryouts... I love soccer. The learning how to take a fall part because I’ve had that happen (but the kid wasn’t on a motorbike, just a regular bike, and it wasn’t a steep hill, but I had another kid knock me off my bike like that :/ )

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?:

oh man, you know it, that kid is gonna be like the master of Karate or something... that kid’s got mad skills... ha! I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️ he’s there as a foil or something... anyways, he absolutely annoys the heck out of me because he reminds me of a kid I babysat once... but yeah, they’ll probably make him more relevant...

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?:

Oh dang, yeah... ummmm, well... I think Bobby, Jimmy, and Tommy would be my friends... but I think I’d choose Miyagi Do in TKK and help Daniel, while also trying to talk some sense into my friends... in CK, I think I’d pick Miyagi Fang, but before that, I probably would have chosen Cobra Kai when Johnny was Sensei and probably would have jumped ship when Kreese came in. Or, option 3. Fake my death, change my name, and run... (bonus... if Johnny told me to flip the script, I’d give myself a badass name like Hornet, because you don’t really feel the sting till a few minutes later... but it’s bad... or I’d just join Miyagi Do)

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?:

Pfffffft, OTHERWORLD so that it would be like Jimmy got sucked into an alternate dimension and he’s lost with his family... no I’m not currently thinking of writing a Fanfiction about this... or am I? Hmmmmm...

💫 I Nominate @dxrkvibes23

@kingkarate @cobrasandalleycats @strikelikeacobrakai @legolugosi @transdaniellarusso @dream-beyond-the-fantasy @cobrakaikaratedad @johnnywhorance @johnnyavanti (Sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged or have already done this...) 💫

[ivyglow]

Every breaking wave - Anthony Beauvillier NYI

Author note: Hope you guys like it! Also, a huge thank you to Naty ( @tsarinablogs​) for prooreading this piece. <3 

Word count: 2.2k (I got carried away lol)

Request/prompt:  #3 with Tito, soft/angst please 😘

Warnings: mention of death of a loved one and cursing. 

#3 “I’ll go home, but it’s not home unless you’re there...”

It was the middle of a calculus class when her phone started vibrating inside her purse. Y/n ignored it at first, she had just texted her boyfriend and everyone knew better than to call her during classes, but they had this thing that two calls would mean it was urgent. So when the phone went on again she startled in her seat, navigating through her things until finally reaching the cellphone.

It was not that hard to leave the room unnoticed since everyone was pretty much engaged in an argument about some questions the professor had introduced that morning. She made her way to the bathroom and finally took a look at her phone, seeing that the two missed calls were from her mom.

She froze for a few seconds.

It was the middle of the night in her home country. Why would her mother call her this late?!

Praying that the call was not that serious, she clicked on her phone to unlock it, but then it started vibrating again.

“Hey, mom,” y/n greeted, feeling a little warm just because she was being able to talk to her mother. It was not easy to leave her parents, her friends, her whole life behind in France and fly to attend college in New York, a matter of fact it was lonely at the beginning, but y/n was a sweet person and she knew how to captivate people around her. “How’s it going there? Is everything ok?” she asked.

The breath her mom let out made the line crack, but worse than that was the silence that followed right after.

Something was wrong and now she was sure. She just couldn’t pinpoint it.

“Maman,” she whispered like the action would soothe things, “parle-moi s’il the plaît.” (talk to me, please)

“You need to come home,” her mother’s voice was strangled like she was holding back something...like she was holding back sobs.

Y/n didn’t have to be a genius to imagine what was probably happening. The fact was, she did not want to believe what came into her mind first. Not that many things would make her mother call her during class, tell her to drop things in college and fly back to France. Usually, her parents were the ones who came to see her in New York.

“Maman, why do I have to fly back home?”

Normally, when you ask someone a question you expect an answer, but y/n didn’t. She didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t even want to think about it. And her mom’s silence told it all.

“I want to talk to my papa, please give him the phone,” she whispered like it was the last amount of air inside of her body because it felt like it.

“Je suis désolé, chérie” (I’m sorry, darling) and now her mom was finally crying, an almost silent cry, but y/n could hear it anyway. And that, that was what her mom was holding back since her first words in the call, she was holding back tears. “I didn’t want to give you this notice through the phone, but...there was no other way.”

“Maman, please tell me I'm wrong, tell me you’re trying to tell me something completely different.”

Y/n’s hands were cold, the phone pressing to her ear felt hot and so did the tears that were making their way down along her cheeks.

“He’s gone, baby.”

And that’s all it took for her to finally break into sobs, not silent tears, not cold hands, but loud and painful sobs.

She didn’t even care with someone walking in, all y/n could think about was her father. He would not be there to hug her at the airport, to teach her about French art or to talk about deep subjects.

“Baby, go home with some friend, please don’t stay alone, don’t...”

“I...I got to go, mom...,” she breaks the sobs trying to get back to her normal breath, but failing. “I need to...let the truth sink in,” and possibly let my heart break, too, she thought.

“I’ll call you later, take care, okay? I love you and so did he.”

He did. Not longer does, because he isn’t here anymore. She whispers an answer to her mom and tries to wash her face and look a little less desperate, but well, it’s almost impossible not to look devastated when the person you love the most has just died.

Y/n walked back to class only to take her bag. Anne, one of her friends, sent her a look full of worry, but y/n just ignored it, leaving as fast as she arrived.

Her sense of direction was gone as she struggled to find the way out of the building. She didn’t want to go back home, she didn’t want to get into a cab like in the state that she was in. Hell, she probably wouldn’t be able to get money out of her purse and opening it meant looking at her ID, seeing his name written on it, seeing his last name beside hers, it meant to remember that he would become just a name.

Y/n started walking in the busy NY streets, trying to get to one of her comfort places in the city which didn’t involve calling someone. And the more she could hear her footsteps, the more the reality begun to sink in.

It felt like it took her heart with it and now she was walking in it, crushing every connection of the so-called muscle.

He would not be at her graduation or call her to ask if Tito was being the gentleman he promised he would be when they first met. Everything she had planned to do with him in the future was now gone.

When y/n finally settled down in one of the many parks in New York she fell into the grass resting her back at a beautiful three. It wasn’t even a bad day, the sun was shining timidly in the sky, some birds were flying around and the smell of nature in that piece of space was comforting, yet it felt like the most frightful.

The time went by while her mind seemed to stop. Y/n never in her entire life felt this kind of pain, not even when she went skate with Anthony, fell and broke her ankle.  

When the sun started to set she finally took notice of the time. Tito was supposed to pick her up just like he drove her to school that morning. It was their routine, him leaving for the rink almost the same time, so she always got a ride, and the same went for when he was returning home. He usually knew that if she didn’t call him, she would probably be at the library, otherwise she would text him telling that she’s in the coffee shop nearby. They always come and go together – it was something that was supposed to strengthen their bond since the chaotic life of hockey and college didn’t do much to help.

He is probably freaking out, she thought, as she opens her messages and only sends him her location. He would know, he would come, he always understood.

And y/n was right, it only took him 15min to get there. Probably he was already around the area looking for her. The only thing she was capable of was hugging him, spending her last bit of energy by bringing him close.

“Ça va, bébé” (it’s ok, babe) he whispers, tangling his fingers into her soft curly hair. It broke his heart to see how devastated she was. When she tried to speak, no words came out and he stroke her hair soothingly.

Anthony already knew, being good friends whit her parents. Always having them in his house when they came to NY had its perks. Her mother called him telling she was worried and he should take care of her like never before, so he cried for her dad in the afternoon while trying to reach her. Anthony and her dad had been friends and it was not news that he was expecting to receive so soon.  

“I’m here, I’m here…,” he reassured her while taking her purse and helping her stand. Her jeans were stained by grass and sand. Once they got to the car, he buckled her up and gave her a bottle of water.

Y/n spent the whole ride to their apartment in silence while Anthony held her hand. The city became a blur.

“I’m sorry I worried you,” she whispered as they were making their way inside the apartment.

“Babe, we’re here for each other remember? You did nothing wrong,” Tito hugged her. “I’m the one who’s sorry. You know he was so proud of you, huh? He still is, wherever he is.”

“Why couldn’t he just be proud of me from here?! Ce n’est pas juste.” (it’s not fair)

She almost could hear her mother saying, “life it’s not fair at all, sweetie”.

The player shrugged while walking her to the kitchen, sitting her down at the counter.

“You know... I believe everyone on earth has a mission and once they’re done with this mission, it’s time to go,” he spoke calmly while she tried to focus her attention on his words. “That’s how it works for everyone, no exception. I see it as a reason to why some people survive to accidents, even when it seems impossible to do so. Their mission wasn’t done yet,” Tito explained while looking deep into her eyes.

It was comforting, having him to look at her with those big bright eyes. They had never shared these things before, it was nice to hear him say it.   “You’re going to miss him so much, but some of the things he has done will never ever leave your heart,” he assured.

She bit her lips while looking at her shoes. “I’m afraid I’m going forget what he looks like, what he sounds like... I’m sad my kids won’t be able to hug him in the future as I once did,” y/n finally confesses. It sounded silly in her head, but Tito had this thing... he could make people around him feel like their questions and problems were never too stupid.

“You will always remember what it felt like to hug him him, how his skin was your favourite pillow as a baby... you may never be able to turn it into words, but deep down I know you will never ever forget him. We don’t forget the ones we love,” he whispered the last part. “And it’s a shame our children won’t be able to hug him, but we’re going to tell them about him, they’re going to know what a great grandfather they would have had though he’s not here with us anymore.”

Y/n took a deep breath, making grabby hands at her boyfriend. He always knew the right words to say. He knew how to reach deep inside her soul. And at that moment she knew that, for sure, she would never ever forget Beau.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, babe” Tito tightens his grip, “always.”

He let go of her, only to start making dinner for them. Once he was done, they headed to the bathroom and he took his time washing her hair and quietly talking, while trying to make her feel as loved as possible. She changed into her favourite hoodie of his and they ate dinner in the living room while some cartoon was on in the background.

She took some time doing nothing at all and then decided to start packing. She needed to buy tickets, tell her mom the flight time and so many more things...

“You know…,” she started while putting some clothes at the suitcase, “I’ll go home, but it’s not home unless you’re there…” Beau smiled brightly even though there’s a hint of sadness from all the events of the day.

“I’m going to need your help to pack, too,” he said, “I already booked our tickets, the flight leaves in the morning.” “Wait...you’re going?” she straighted up dropping some blouses in the process. “But you have practice and…” “I talked to the coach before I left” he explained and she raised a brow, curiously. “your mom called me.”

“You don’t have to, you know?” she kept her eyes at her nails. “But I want you to come, if you can.” “I’ll be with you for three days, then I got to head back and I’m going to train during the weekend, so I can cover the days I missed,” Tito grinned lightly. “But hey, it’s home, there’s always something good in being home again.” “Thank you so much” she whispered, trying not to cry anymore. She had already shed too many tears for the day but the simple act of kindness and love from him warmed her heart.

“You’re one of my missions,” he stood up from the bed going for a hug, “to love you, to care for you. I’ll always be here.”

“You’re my home and I don’t ever want move on,” she whispers before leaving a pec on his lips.

Everything was a blur and one of the most beautiful cities felt horrible, but his hugs, his words, his love are still the same. She could still feel loved and safe. She was at home after all.

[rosenmarille]

First of all: that One Day bit is quality content. Second of all I read "3.5 for Holly" and am Highly Interested

HI yes! i will explain, however i first have to correct myself. its actually a part 2.5, not 3.5. like i mentioned in the other post, the part is called “heart unbound”, this is about 25 years after battle tendency, when holly is in her early 20s!!

the rest of this im gonna put under the cut

so the setting. joseph (43), suzie, and holly (21) live in new york, smokey is in georgia, lisa lisa (75) is Somewhere in the states, erina and speedwagon have passed away (sad). its 1963! the speedwagon foundation has continued expanding, with joseph and lisa lisa closely involved after speedwagons death. they’ve mostly moved their attention into new territory, but still have all their old research kept. stands aren't a thing yeeet, but its been long enough that the pillarmen have faded into unpleasant memory.

until one night the power at the swf hq goes out for just a moment too long, and santana manages to escape.

joseph and lisa lisa are contacted asap, and they decide to travel down to texas and find him (preferably take him out for good this time). holly, who has grown up hearing about jojo’s wild escapades, really wants to come along. she knows some hamon! she can defend herself! come on!! (yes i said it, holly learned hamon, do you think having lisa lisa for a grandmother would result in anything less?) anyway, joseph and lisa lisa Really don't want her to come since it could be really dangerous and they'd rather not put her in harm’s way.

so holly (rich, unsupervised) books a plane and goes after them.

we skip to texas!! joseph and lisa lisa investigate at hq and the surrounding area and find practically no trace of santana or where he might have gone. when holly arrives, she decides that since she can't look into hq without getting caught, she’ll ask around with locals, and manages to hear rumours about a new sort of cryptid (only appears at night, weird anatomy etc), both cattle and people have been disappearing, but on a very small scale. she looks into similar stories and realizes that santana must be moving south, though what he's planning, she doesn't know. but she will follow!! (and leave breadcrumbs for her family to pick up on this pattern too, she guesses. not so helpless now, huh?)

so this goes for a while, taking her down into mexico, until she is pretty sure that she can triangulate the missing people reports accurately enough to actually Find him. holly isnt stupid, she doesnt think she can win in a battle against a pillarman. what she’s hoping to do is prove herself to joseph and lisa lisa by prepping and helping out enough for them to then take care of the problem. she's an adult now and she doesnt appreciate being treated like a child. (you may say this contradicts how she behaved towards joseph in part 3, but to that i counter: she's in her 40s in that one, and her being an adult is established enough that she knows she can act a lil silli without that being put in question)

but hey!! she does find him!! she decides to stalk him for a bit, see what he does. so she happens to be there when santana attacks a young woman (midnight snack), who pulls a KNIFE instead of running away, so Holly rushes in and deflects an attack with a quick hamon swipe. santana has learned from his previous hamon encounter and instead of sticking around, he decides it isn't worth it and absconds instead (smart). (at this point you might notice this is the first fight of the part. yeah it be like that in this one. call it battle untendency) 

holly and the woman (who later introduces herself as Maria (no last name yet; but named after Maria Maria by Santana (lol)) also get out of dodge and hide out in an alley, where maria decides that she needs to know what the fuck that Thing was, yesterday. magic?? sparkling?? hello??? and hollys like uhh hah yes so. that's an ancient semi immortal vampire creature? and this is sunlight breathing magic, which he's allergic to. yea. and maria is like ................yeah okay i buy it. teach me sunlight breathing magic, i wanna come.

maria side paragraph! she's our oc and we love her. remember that awful scene from the santana arc with all those prisoners and the one kid who doesn't get sacrificed? that's her older brother. he was “let go” but “let go” basically did just mean “free to wander the desert and find civilisation maybe”, so when he did eventually find his way back home, he'd been severely traumatized, plus on death's door. other prisoners had been turned into vampires to test on the pillarman discovery, so the word “vampire” is something he'd have heard and conveyed to his family, who didn’t. really believe him. he also hasn't really recovered from that experience :( then the war happened and maria's dad served in it, and afterwards decided that his other child needed to know how to defend herself, and maria learned how to handle a knife, as well as how to physically fight. their family managed to avoid post war financial problems for the most part, and maria was able to finish her studies! she's a pilot :)  she is, however, harbouring very deep anger and resentment for what happened to her brother, and has not really had a face to direct that anger towards, so it's been on a relatively low burner for the most part, but now there’s talk of vampires and a person she can blame for her family’s trauma.

they exchange notes and she realizes that yeahh, that is pretty much exactly what her brother had told them, so it was true. hah :) yes actually, i would like to learn vampire killing magic please holly. and holly, who didn't really want to bring someone with her, but kind of does believe in accidents not being a thing, decides that yeah, she probably should bring maria along. and sure!! if they have to deal with sanata again, why not teach her hamon!! they share stories and continue to follow the trail while they train together, and become really close friends! jobro time.

we've now reached the first third of the story.

we travel further south!! soon, holly begins to realize......... ohh..... the temple they found santana in.. that's south of here, isn't it? oh huh. what could he want there?? the masks have been destroyed as far as she knows?? she doesn't know enough first hand to know what significance there could be, but the girls prepare for anything. maybe a big weapon the researchers had not been able to identify?? MOre pillarmen, secretly living underneath the temple??? 

(there are gonna be some scenes that involve lisa lisa and joseph figuring out where they need to go, and maybe also realizing who set that trail, maybe they have smth else going on, who knows) 

holly and maria follow santana and eventually do find the temple, and prepare to stake it out, hopefully hopefully not alerting him to their presence, because that would be.........bad. (tho tbh marias kinda itching to try out vampire begone magic. wouldn't You want to if you suddenly learned how?) neither of them have ever been here so they're honestly pretty floored by the temple interior, the tunnel that leads into the main chamber dark and uninviting, with who knows what hidden dangers are lurking about. 

and then they see him. santana is investigating the place where the pillar had been cut out of the structure, the stone masks crushed and broken, strewn around the floor, running his hands over the broken stone. Then he walks to one of the murals carved into the wall, a large one, similar to the one speedwagon had been investigating, with the 4 faces representing the pillarmen, and he lingers there. dips his head, then walks back to the empty space of the pillar and sits down where it was, crosslegged, and closes his eyes. and then he stays still. what does That mean?? 

the girls decide this is enough, they should fall back and formulate a proper plan, maybe wait for joseph and lisa lisa to catch up. buuuut we can't have that be the end of it, and so something happens, maybe one of them trips? steps on rubble that falls loose? they make a noise. and get noticed. 

change of plans! fight now! except there isn't an attack? they stay still but “i know you're there.” damn it. battle formation, stances ready, they make their way into the chamber, where santana hasn't moved at all. he's still sitting there, but he's looking at them now. holly asks what he's doing here, he asks the same back. she says not to play dumb, hes been killing people this whole time, he has to answer for that! and to that, santana honestly looks a bit confused because. has he? in his defense, he's not human, his prey is humans. pillarboy has to eat.

marias like “well? aren't you going to attack us?” and he's like “not unless you bother me.” and closes his eyes again. the girls aren't sure what to make of this.

santana side paragraph: first of all, this is a santana stan account. name one (1) thing he's done wrong, canonically. woke up in a strange place. captured?? got his bearings, tried to Leave and was accosted! shot some nazis (go king), and finally only snapped when joseph got mad he didn't laugh at his clownery. anyone would get murderous as a result. tried to escape further, ultimately was stopped and detained Again! morally, he's above joseph. 

so they're just standing now. since their earlier encounter where holly used hamon, santana refuses to talk more at first, but holly has the bright idea to get his trust by having maria restrain her and then stand back with her weapon -- a show of putting herself in a helpless position and promise she wont attack. that’s enough for santana to agree to come closer and have a proper conversation.

holly asks again why he's here exactly? what's here? and he tells her that if she Must know, he's waiting. waiting for what, she asks. and maria looks back at the carvings and realizes “oh. there should be 4 of them.” now santana looks mildly uncomfortable, and holly rememebers that “oh fuck, dad killed all of them.” and then “wait they were evil tho??” and then again “wait fuuck, didn't the leader guy say they left this one behind in mexico on purpose? oh man does he Know?” holly finds herself in the position of “not only do i have to tell this guy his friends aren't coming because they're Dead, they also kinda abandoned him.” yikes.

meanwhile maria is kinda pissed that her one chance at revenge might have just been taken from her. she still blames santana for what happened to her brother, and she refuses to let that go. she’s too stubborn and proud for that. and now, especally since holly seems to be focused on creating a bond, it feels like a slap in the face. so she kinda… snaps, ruining their chance at resolving this peacefully and causing santana to run off again. she and holly have a fight. it sucks.

soon after that joseph does find holly and he Does send her home. maria, after explaining her intentions, stays with them. holly is heartbroken :( after shes gone, joseph and lisa lisa make a plan to trap santana, aimed to go off in a few days prep, and during this, maria is starting to realize that that... really isnt the right thing to do... shes now had some time to sit alone with her guilt and regret about how she handled the situation, ssso she gets an idea on how to make up for it...

meanwhile holly is sitting at home and is sad, until suzie drives her somewhere in guise of going to a fancy lunch with smokey (whos in town), but really she drives her to the joestars airpad where her friend marua(!!) is already waiting in front of joseph’s plane, which, turns out, she hijacked in the south and flew all the way up here, and suzie tosses holly a bag with clothes and stuff and tells her to hurry up and get going :3

and hollys all "but what about lunch with mr smokey? :o" and suzie winks at her and says "don't worry, he's waiting for me to tell him everything went well at the restaurant ;)" and then holly gives her a big hug, runs to her friend and hugs Her, and they are off to fly back south to save some lives. on the way, maria apologizes and explains -- how she had harboured this resentment for so long that the sudden target for her blame put in front of her, plus the immediate removal of it were so jarring that she acted impulsively... she knows santana isnt at fault for what happened with her brother... and now she just hopes they make it in time.

as luck would have it, they catch up with joseph and lisa lisa just in time to jump between them and santana (maria accidentally cuts off joseph’s prosthetic hand in the process and freaks the fuck out before realizing it’s fine) and try to talk it out. it’s a tense few minutes, but holly is determined and stubborn, and she manages to get her dad and grandma to see her side of things and santana is saved! they find something for him to eat, giving him the energy to heal his wounds. pillarmen absorbing shit never gets old.

And from there it’s mostly just everything getting settled down and smoothed out. they get back in touch with the swf and tell them the problem is handled. santana turns out to be a relatively peaceful dude when his life isn’t being threatened, and he becomes a good friend with all four of them, but especially holly and maria. they help teach him about the modern world and he decides that he’s going to do some travelling and learn about the history of his culture and other ancient mesoamerican cultures he interacted with in his youth, and he shares the things he learns with the swf so they can get the info about where theyre needed etc.  maria gets hooked up with one of the many therapists we decided work at the swf that has experience with the supernatural things she and her brother have gone through. holly, maria, and santana stay in touch and go on regular trips together. holly receives many post cards.

it’s all really good and happy :) thats heart unbound baybee!! <33

[lazulifoster]

An Unexpected Visitor (Loki X Reader) Part 2

Prompt: Sex by The 1975, Million Dollar Man by Lana Del Rey, and If I Never See Your Face Again by Maroon 5 feat Rihanna

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Swearing; angst; arguing; mild sexual content

Word Count: 3k+

A/N: Inspiration from my Spotify Playlist again lol I think I say this every time I post something but sorry if its a slow burn, I actually have a lot of ideas for this fic but I like a slow build ;) Hope you enjoy part 2 if there are typos, from the bottom of my heart, my bad :)

Brief Summary: Loki and you dated back in college before he up and vanished. You have moved on with your life, even started a family, but an unexpected visitor makes his way back into your life.

||5 years earlier||

“Shall I compare thee to a summers day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.” “Loki…” “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out, even to the edge of doom.”

Loki.” “…by heaven, I think my love as rare as any she belied with false compare.” “LOKI!  I’m going to fail this quiz if you don’t shut up and quit reciting Shakespeare!” “Oh, hush, love. There is no reason to study, anyway. You know all the answers already.”

“I just want to double check and make sure. Because last time this happened, I practically failed my quiz.” “I seriously doubt you’re capable of failure, Y/N. Besides, your beauty alone deserves to be glorified at every waking moment.” “ Oh pleeease, your flattery won't work this time.” “Won’t it?” Loki leaned in close to me, placing gentle kisses along my neck, causing my will to study to wane dramatically.

Loki then pushed my notes and books of my bed, and we both rapidly undressed, making me completely forget about my upcoming quiz.

************************

“You better start fucking explaining yourself, Loki!”

I began a feeble attempt to reel in the myriad of thoughts flooding my mind. My emotions were a chaotic blend of utter confusion and absolute joy. Loki was here, in the flesh; holding me, kissing me, and telling me we belonged together.

I had pictured this moment so many times over the years, and nothing was happening like I had imagined it. But as much as I missed Loki and secretly yearned for his over the years, reality slowly crept in. Loki was gone far too long to go without explaining himself. I needed answers. Lots of answers.

“My love, I promise you, I will explain everything, but this is hardly the time or place—” “Oh no, no, I am not playing games with you Loki! The “time and place” is right now! You’re the one who left and decided to just randomly show up out of nowhere!” My voice cracked, and I forced myself to hold back more tears, annoyed at myself for getting emotional again.

“I need to know what happened to you, Loki. You owe me that much.”

I could see Loki felt guilty. I knew that behind his devil-may-care attitude and playful demeanor he felt awful for deserting me. I started to feel sorry for getting heated with him again. The Loki I knew would never just leave without a legitimate reason. But suspicious thoughts kept lurking in my head. He’s just trying to manipulate you. I shook the feeling aside, I already had too much to think about. I reached up and rubbed my hand through his beautiful black hair.

“I’m sorry, Loki. I’m just—I don’t know, there is a lot to take in.”

Loki gave a slight grin, placing both of his hands on my waist.

“As much as I’d love to chat with you about everything that's happened, darling, your mum has prepared something for dinner that smells absolutely delicious, and it would be a shame to let all her hard work go to waste.”

I gave a slight chuckle. Loki was right. If I wanted to know the full story, it would be best to wait till my parents and ex weren’t around. Also, I hadn’t eaten all my food at the restaurant with David, so I was actually quite hungry as well.

“Fine. But this isn’t over.” I reminded Loki. He nodded and leaned forward and gave me a soft peck on my forehead before both of us walked in the house. Neither my mom, dad, or David noticed Loki had ever left; still speaking with his illusion.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Mom asked suspiciously

“Oh yeah—um—no I didn’t.” I stumbled over my words like a nervous school girl. Keep it together.

Rachel waddled up to me babbling what sounded like, “Mama.” She wasn’t really speaking yet, but her little attempts always made me so proud. I picked her up off the floor, and she looked around at us five adults standing around talking. Rachel’s eyes met Loki’s, to which Loki made a silly face at Rachel, causing her to laugh loudly. The brief moment between them made me and my parents chuckle. Seeing Loki interact with Rachel made my heart melt; it was almost too adorable for me to handle. The sweet moment ended abruptly however when I looked over at David and saw an irritated scowl cross his face. Knowing David’s temper, I cleared my throat to break the building tension.

“So…what did you make for dinner, mom?” “Oh, just some roast chicken with mash potatoes and Brussel sprouts, nothing fancy.”

“A regular feast, I cannot wait to try, Mrs. Y/L/N.” Loki smiled

“Well, come on in the dining room then, we don’t want the food getting cold.” Mom began ushering us to the dinner table.

“I already ate,” David interjected.

Mom, still walking away, yelled behind her, “Well I guess you can go home then, David.”

My dad laughed from the dining room at my mom’s sassy comment, making David looked at me and whispered, “What the hell?”

"It’s ok, we’ll talk later. I’ll text you.”

David gave me an annoyed look but decided it would be better to leave before he left my parent's good graces entirely. David gave Rachel a quick kiss goodbye and made a quiet exit.

When David left, all of us inadvertently let out a collective sigh of relief.

“Finally got him out of here, goodness gracious,” Dad grumbled.

“Dad, can we not…”

“I just want a relaxing family dinner with all of, it’s been too long.” Mom was beaming. Sometimes I wondered if mom loved Loki more than I do.

Did.

My mind was still an absolute whirlwind. Barely an hour ago, David and I were at dinner, talking about our daughter’s future and reconsidering where our relationship stood. Then I see Loki’s car in my parent's driveway with his stupid “God of Mischief” vanity plates, next thing I know were kissing, uprooting so many feelings I had pushed down over the last 3 years; and now Loki was eating dinner at my house like we had years ago. My emotions were a constant ebb and flow or fury, and affection One moment, I suppressed every urge I had to cause a scene and demand answers from Loki. The next, I wanted Loki to take me in his arms again and to pick up where we had left off. I still couldn’t comprehend how someone who I spent almost every day with since I was 18 to just suddenly vanished. I mean, I knew about Loki being a god. I knew about his brother, Asgard, and the Avengers. I didn’t know everything, but he had told me bits and pieces and opened up to me over the years. I also knew he would have to leave occasionally concerning “family squabbles” and things concerning the Avengers, but he would always let me know ahead of time and would even send his illusion to check in on me.

The leading theory I had settled on for Loki leaving was I thought I scared him off because of the last conversation we had. Petty, I know, but I couldn’t think of anything else it could possibly be.

I remembered every detail about our last conversation, probably because I played the moment repeatedly, trying to figure out what went wrong.

It was almost the end of the semester. Loki and I were in a local coffee shop, close enough to the college to walk, but not close enough where it was bombarded by other collegians studying for finals. Loki was actually helping me study for my other classes besides literature. I was studying for a freshman world geography class, an easy elective I took to boost my GPA. We had both ordered our drinks (Loki drank an Italian roast, black, and I had a cortado.)

While he was helping me study the countries of the Eastern Hemisphere, I looked up at him.

“Do you think you’ll ever get married? Or have kids?”

While Loki took a sip of his coffee, his eyes quickly shifted to me.

“I mean, one day. I’m not saying to me—or anything—um, I was just curious. Plus I’m bored of studying.” I gave an awkward laugh, trying to hide my cheeks turning a bright shade of crimson.

Loki bit his lip and tilted his head up and looked off in the distance. I felt like I could actually see wheels turning in his head. Then he spoke.

“I honestly cannot answer that.”

“Oh…”

“Well, I don’t know, truthfully. Marriage seems so, arbitrary to me. Especially, as a god, time means nothing to me, but to Midgardians, time is so precious, so you decide one person to spend that time with until your dying breath. So if I were to marry an Asgardian, I would be tied to them for possibly, millennia. And if I was to marry a Midgardian, they will have already lived a quarter of their life. I’ve been alive far too long and have learned there is no point in getting attached to something I cannot keep.”

He spoke so matter-of-factly that it almost brought me to tears. Was that all I was to him? A mere mortal with 25% of my life over. I felt foolish for thinking I could be more to him than a Midgardian “friend with benefits.”

Pretending not to be hurt, however, I nodded nonchalantly as I listened to his rant and took a sip of my drink. He continued.

“I could see myself having children though, one day.”

“So you can’t see yourself getting married, but you can see yourself having children? Alrighty then.” I laughed, accidentally letting my hurt feelings slip into my reply.

“Do you see a problem with that, love?”

“No, not at all, to each his own. So kids huh?” He looked at me and gave me a rueful grin. 

“I would love to give my children the childhood I always craved.”

I gave a sympathetic groan and reached out for his arm and gave him a gentle squeeze. I didn’t want to press the issue further. I knew how sensitive he was about the subject. After a few moments, Loki spoke again, looking directly into my eyes.

“Did you ask me that, because I am someone you would want to marry?”

My eyes inadvertently widened and swallowed a little harder than necessary. I felt a little uneasy because Loki refused to break eye contact with me.

“Honestly, Loki…” I felt instant nausea from my nerves.

“Yes?”

“You are someone I want to marry. Why wouldn’t I? You’re amazing, you’re well read, you’re kind, but more importantly, you’re my best friend, of course, you’re someone I would want to fucking marry! I don’t care if I’ve ‘lived a quarter of my life’ already if you love someone you choose to love them no matter what!” I spoke a little louder than I intended too because a few coffee shop patrons turned their heads toward our table.

Loki chuckled at my obvious embarrassment. I gave an awkward half-smile and placed my hands on my face as if trying to wipe away my blushing cheeks. Loki grinned at me and brushed a few strands of hair away from my face before he spoke again.

“Well, darling, I am very flattered.” He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Now how about we get back to studying? You need to do well on your exam.”

The quick change of subject confused me for a second before I agreed with him and I began to study for my exam again. After a while, I was ready to go call it a day. Loki offered to give me a ride home, but I initially declined and told him I’d walk; partly because that day was uncharacteristically mild for winter and I wanted to enjoy the lovely weather; also I was extremely embarrassed about the conversation we had inside the coffee shop. But Loki insisted that he take me home and I, not in a mood to argue, I caved. The car ride was awkward, neither of us said anything the whole trip which generally wouldn’t be all that unusual, but because the conversation did not go as planned on my part, I felt that maybe I had crossed the line. When Loki finally reached my driveway, he parked his car and looked at me.

“Y/n, I want to apologize if what I said hurt you. Please don’t misunderstand me, I care for you deeply. I may not know what the future holds but what I know for certain is that you belong to me, and I belong to you, no matter what happens.”

I smiled at him, exhaling a breath I held in the whole car ride; thankful for his reassurance. Loki and I never had any labels in our relationship which was alright for the most part because I knew he cared for me, but every once in a while it was nice to hear him tell me how he felt. Even if he did think marriage was just a quirky Midgardian tradition. But one part of what he said caught me off guard: ‘No matter what happens’”? What does that mean? Ultimately, I shook it off as me being too analytical and leaned in to kiss Loki.

“I love you too, Loki.”

I stepped out of his car and waved back at him, “See you tomorrow!”

He waved back at me and drove off. That was the last time I saw or spoke to Loki.

********************

Dinner with Loki and my parents went as well as expected. The meal mom prepared was delicious, Rachel only threw half of her food on the floor, and mom and dad bombarded Loki with questions.

“So where have you been, Loki? We were starting to worry about ya.” Dad said, giving Loki a pat on his back.

“I have been rather busy with work, I’ve done a little bit of traveling, and also spending time with my family.”

I rolled my eyes. I swear to god he better not lie to me like that when he accounts for the last few years.

“Well, it’s good to have you back, Sweetheart.” Mom cut in, “Will we see more of you?”

Loki looked over at me when he answered, “Yes indeed. I’m not going anywhere as long as I can help it.”

I rolled my eyes again, trying to hide the smile forming on my lips.

Once dinner was over, leftovers and dishes put away, My parents said their “goodnights” and left for bed. I also excused myself for a brief moment, needing to get Rachel ready for bed. Before I carried Rachel to her room, Loki reached for Rachel’s little hand, “Goodnight little love, thank you for showing me all your toys this evening.” Rachel babbled incoherently and gave Loki a smile showing all the teeth she had.

“I think somebody likes you” I smirked, “Say ‘thank you Loki for playing with me’”

Rachel babbled again while Loki lowered himself to her eye level, giving her his undivided attention.

“Well, it was my pleasure, Rachel. Have pleasant dreams.”

I  left and tucked Rachel into her little bed, and she fell asleep shortly after. As she slept, I stared at her for a moment before heading back to the living room. I thought about how adorable Loki was with my daughter. Interacting with children seemingly came so naturally to him. I also wished that David would be the same way with Rachel. He was a great father in that he worked hard to provide for her, but that was the only way David showed he loved her, especially after we parted ways. David wouldn’t play with her, and would hardly make time to spend time alone with her. He blamed work for not being around Rachel as often as he should. David worked for his father’s law firm. Influential attorneys defending the most guilty and the richest. I know Rachel was far too young to understand the nuances of a father/daughter relationship, but whenever David would walk past her or halfheartedly acknowledge her, I could see in her little eyes, that it hurt her.

I made my way back to the living room and saw Loki sitting on the couch, waiting for me. He stood when I re-entered the room and made his way toward me.

“I should probably get going, I know we could all use a restful nights sleep.”

“We still need to talk—”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Loki gently interrupted, “Why don’t we meet in the morning for breakfast, we can go anywhere you want to go.”

“Well, my parents can’t watch Rachel tomorrow, they both have something they have to go to, so if we go anywhere, Rachel will have to come.”

Loki’s face lit up, “That sounds delightful! We shall make a day out of it then.” His hand reached down placed his palm on my face like he had earlier. This time I didn’t swat him away, instead, I wrapped my arms around him. I missed feeling his body against mine. Loki pulled me in closer and rested his chin on top of my head.

Sadly we were interrupted by my phone vibrating. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw a text from David reading: Hey, we need to finish talking when you get a chance. We couldn’t with that guy hanging around. Text me back ASAP.

I groaned. Loki peaked at David’s message and scoffed,“‘That guy’? Charming.”

“You have no idea,” I replied, more to myself than Loki.

Loki’s face turned concerned, “What do you mean?”

“Ugh, he’s just—sometimes he’s a dick, but otherwise he’s alright. He makes sure Rachel is taken care of, so that’s all I care about.” Giving me a dubious look, I reassured Loki that I was fine and that David was just annoying sometimes. Reaching for my hand, Loki made his way toward the front door.

“Well, I better go, love. I look forward to spending the day with you and Rachel.” Loki pulled me close and kissed me on the lips before closing the door behind him. I peeked out the front window and saw him stoop down into his car, rev his engine, and drive off. What have you been up to, Loki Odinson?

**************

David, back at his penthouse apartment, reclined in his Eames chair, sipping away at bourbon and fiddled with his phone. He had searched the name “Loki Odinson” over and over on Google but only found references to Norse Mythology.

Who the fuck is this guy?

David exited his Google Search and began scrolling through his contact list until he found the name, Darren. He pressed the call icon and waited for him to answer.

“Hey David, you’re up late.” “Darren. I have a favor to ask.” “Anything Chief, what do you need?” “I need you to look into someone for me, the name: ‘Loki Odinson.’”

“You got it, boss. I’ll see what I can find.”

Darren ended the call, and David went to his iPhone photo album. He scrolled through his pictures until he found an old picture of Y/N.

This stupid bitch better be careful. She’s gonna get her heart broken all over again.

Taglist: 

@imasultforlokiandspencerreid 

@crescent-night

@portietomednalynn

[killian-whump]

OUAT 3x03: Rewatch Liveblog

Hey guys! It's me again, back with another liveblog of, uh, me watching another episode of Once Upon a Time.

This one is episode 3x03, called "Quite a Common Fairy" - which means, you guessed it, we'll be meeting Tinkerbell in this episode :)

Let's watch, shall we?

...and we return to the dark jungles of Neverland.

Seriously. Why is this arc so damn DARK? It makes for good atmosphere, yes, but lousy GIFs and caps :/

Is there something wrong with me that I find that lantern David's holding kinda... hot? I don't know, it's just... old fashioned and rugged and outdoorsy and... I just find it really aesthetically pleasing, the way he’s holding it.

HAHAHAHAHAHA EMMA JUST TOOK A WET LEAF TO THE FACE

Awwww, Hook got it a second later, but they barely showed it :(

WHY BE IN THE JUNGLE AT ALL IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LET US WATCH HOT PEOPLE GET HIT IN THE FACE WITH WET LEAVES D:

"If Pan's camp keeps moving, how are we going to find Henry?" Gooooooood question.

Oh, so I guess that perilous ending of 3x01 with Pan’s ominous “Let’s play!” as the Lost Boys advanced on Henry was a baseless tease, after all. Here’s Henry sleeping peacefully under a tree, not even a bruise on him.

Henry: "I don't like apples." Pan: "Who doesn't like apples?" An excellent question.

"I call it target practice." So menacing, whilst holding a crossbow inches from Henry's face. SO OMINOUS!!!

SURELY THIS WILL BE PERILOUS FOR OUR DEAR HENRY!!!

There’s no way this will be another baseless tease or anything.

Hey, I recognize this castle from the time we were in the middle of bloody damnation and they decided to cut to another scene somewhere in another realm that was nowhere near as exciting and I almost threw my mouse through my monitor.

AKA: Rumple's old place.

Bae, something tells me if dear old dad had something to make a portal with just hanging out in his cabinets, he wouldn't have needed a big convoluted plan to turn Regina into a villain and have her cast a dark curse. Just, you know, spitballing here. Just having some thoughts. Just saying.

Awww... Roland <3 One of the tenets of Once fandom: Roland <3

Hahaha, Snow. "Have you even been listening?"

"I fear such an attempt would end in your death... and more importantly, mine." Another classic Hook line <3

Oh, Emma. You poor soul. "Tinkerbell?!" Hook: "What, you know her?" This shit’s hilarious.

Oh no. Sad Regina flashbacks. Feels incoming... D:

Go ahead, Rumple. Just invite yourself to dinner. Sure.

Rumple: "Roast swan, hehehe! That's amusing. You'll get that later."

OH LOOK, GUYS, IT'S TINKERBELL

"Snow White? That's her name? Even I think that's a bit precious, and mine's Tinkerbell." Haha :)

Regina: "She had my fiance killed." Well, that's not exactly how that happened, but... no, you know what, let's just go with that for now.

Oh, hey Regina, you dropped something...

Nevermind, some creepy woman in the jungle picked it up for you.

HOOK'S HOLDING THE LANTERN NOW

OH SHIT, THERE'S TWO LANTERNS

HOOK AND DAVE ARE BOTH HOLDING LANTERNS

What the hell is wrong with me?

Regina: *catches up* Regina: "Emma! There is another way..." Emma: "Is there?" Regina: "Magic!"

LMAO The way she says it, tho. It's like a late night infomercial salesman: 'It cooks, it cleans, it'll blow your freaking mind - it's magic!'

Someone please tell me that Regina suggesting magic was a meme in the fandom during S3, because if you lot weren't photoshopping her into everything everywhere with "What about MAGIC?!" speech bubbles, then you're all a disappointment to everything ever and I'm never speaking to any of you ever again.

Emma: "Didn't we just go through this?" Yeah, about five times per episode AND IT ONLY GETS FUNNIER

Regina: "You think it's the best plan because your boyfriend came up with it." Emma: "My boyfriend? HOOK?!"

Snow: "She just lost Neal." Regina: "Sorry." I'm just too perceptive for my own good.

Oh, gee. We're back with Pan and Henry. Oh no! Pan's poisoning the arrow! Felix is looking ominous! Henry's in big trouble n-

Oh. Henry's the one who's going to shoot the crossbow. So he's, uh, not in any danger at all, actually. Huh. Okay.

YES. Henry, good move. I mean, it didn't work out so well for you, but turning and firing at Pan really WAS a solid strategy.

Hook's still got the lantern. Oh wait, that's right, there's two of them, so he can always have the lantern.

OMG YOU GUYS, REGINA HAS THE OTHER LANTERN NOW

Seriously. What the hell, self?

Ooooh... Intense Captain Charming scene D:

Oh, fairy time, everybody!!

"You got big for no reason." That's what she said.

Blue: "I will be the judge of what is fairy-like!" SAYS WHO, BITCH

JFC NOW ROBIN HOOD HAS ONE

Was there a sale at the old timey lantern store or something? Does the director of this episode have a fetish for them? Is it maybe a thing after all?

You know, it IS a dick move to ask another dude to risk his son so you can go save yours, Neal.

Oh, shit. You're seriously going to play the "you owe me one because my dad saved your wife's life" card?! Technically, he didn't even SAVE Marian. Robin saved Marian and Rumple decided not to flat-out MURDER him for it. Not quite heroic. I don't think this dude owes you anything.

Emma: "What'd you do to her?" Ahahahahahaha, looks like Emma's perceptive too XD

Regina: "What? Why would you assume I did something?"

This is the best Swan Queen scene ever. I just decided this right now xD

THEIR FACES, LOL

Regina: "Okay. We have a complicated history."

Aww... "What the hell did you do to her?" "What I always do." T_T

Ahhhhh, the man with the lion tattoo...

Why does Tinkerbell run off, though? Haha, that's silly.

NOT AS SILLY AS REGINA RUNNING OFF THOUGH

OKAY, NOW THEY'RE JUST FUCKING WITH ME

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHOT??

Ooooooooh, Tinkerbell's a nasty little fairy... XD

Snow: “It's just a place to sleep.” Emma: “What would you know about that?” Like, have you not paid any attention to the last two seasons of this show, Emma?!

Okay, Hook, honey, you have to stop doing anything and everything, because the way you're sitting on that hammock is making me want to send a nasty little fairy after you.

I blame all these lanterns.

Regina bondage! Yay!

"About time you woke up." Bitch, you're the one who put her to sleep, and that was like, 5 minutes ago.

Regina: "How the hell did you get like this?" Tinkerbell: "I met you."

Regina: "You're a terrible fairy." Tinkerbell: "You didn't go in, did you?" EVERYBODY'S SO PERCEPTIVE IN THIS EPISODE

Pan: "Look at the fun they're having." Ummm... They're throwing knives at the ground. It's not even a target. It's the ground. It's everywhere. YOU CAN'T MISS IT.

Pan: "At one point, I had four boys with missing fingers. Cost of the game. They didn't mind." I mean, I would think they probably DID mind, at least a little...

Okay, follow me for a minute here. Peter Pan would actually make a great life coach. "You were created for a reason... and I can help you find it."

I mean, at least LOOK at it, Henry. Aren’t you even curious?!

Umm. Seriously? That's all it takes for a kid to summon a shadow? "I believe"?

Like, kids would be summoning them left and right on accident. At least have some kind of noun on that shit. "I believe in Neverland" or "I believe the Cubs will win the World Series again before I die." I mean, seriously.

Man, them shadows are creepy ass motherfuckers.

Well, here's a touching Robin and Roland and Mulan scene. Shame that Roland will NEVER SLEEP AT NIGHT AGAIN after seeing that creepy ass nightmare come to life. I mean, aside from the fact that he’s sleeping right now.

Also, wouldn't you at least put him to bed in another room or, at least, under a different window? Those fuckers COME BACK you know. We saw that last season, when they straight up STALKED the Darling family.

Dude. Mulan. Honey. You should've just told Aurora how you feel. I always kinda OT3ed you lot, anyhow. The “Left Behind in the Curse” Bang Train left 28 years ago and you were all on it.

I love how everyone's got their weapons at the ready and Hook just shoulders his sword and looks around non-chalantly, like "lovely weather we're having here in the jungle..."

Mmmm... The looks they give each other... TINKERHOOK LIVES :D

Yeah, there you go. Knew you'd look, kid. I mean, how could you not?!

Hahaha, this is why you have to be careful with drone deliveries. They just drop your packages wherever they want to.

"Welcome home, Baelfire." You're not creepy at all, Felix. "Pan will be so happy to see you." I bet! The only thing that crazy motherfucker likes more than tormenting children and hot pirates is tormenting his own family members.

CS coconut scene <3

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, ROBIN HOOD HAS THE LION TATTOO

...and that's a wrap!

PEW PEW PEW PEEEEEEEEEEW!!!

[amandayuebing]

My Life is Very Shoujo Manga, Chapter 2: Mal, you cheeky little liar...

I’m writing right now from UNSW’s judo dojo, just across the hall from the kendo competition going on right now, as I wait for the competition to wrap up so I can go out on a date with my boyfriend. I’m excited! 

There’s been a bit of a gap between my last post and writing/publishing this one because I need to admit to you guys, I’ve been having my dreaded perfectionism paralysis… And I’ve been procrastinating by watching “Jane the Virgin” on Netflix-- omg it’s such a great show!! If you haven’t watched it yet, you should give it a go.

And ironically, “Jane the Virgin” is also about a writer who sometimes gets perfectionism paralysis (except my story doesn’t involve an accidental artificial insemination or a rich, hot, baby-daddy (yet 😉 oh ho ho...), and I’m writing this story mostly for fun, and not as an aspiring writer.

I just want you guys to be able to see my story the way I see it— how crazy, but amazing it’s been! How so many times I’ve questioned in my life, “is this really happening?! It sounds straight out of the plot of something ridiculously fiction...” Like a… that’s right! Shoujo manga.

But, yes. What better background to write about the memories of when I first started kendo then to be directly opposite a kendo competition? I can literally smell the kendo in the air right now. (Thank god the judo dojo has its windows open, on this hot, stinking day...)

Let’s jump in!

Once my first kendo class finished, I knew it wouldn’t be a week later until I’d see our favourite kendo club president, Tony, again. I was looking forward to that day, but at the same time dreading it because of how terrible I was that first class. Plus I was starting to have doubts. Doubts like:

1) This is silly… How can you be so interested in somebody when you don’t even know them yet…? Like what do you actually like about him?

2) Do you guys even have anything in common…? Like, you’re one of the least athletically gifted people you know. No, you ARE the least athletically gifted person you know. How many frisbees did you take to the head during P.E. class? How did you even get into law school with all those frisbees to the head?!

3) What if he has a girlfriend…? Surely a cutie like him cannot be single… 

(These are summarised. But when I go into moments of doubt, they just spiral everywhere!)

My main concern was if we were each other’s type… But who was I kidding? I was concerned about everything LOL. I am an obsessive over-thinker!

But man, what better way to crush your doubts about your crush than for your best friend to force you stand righhtt in front of your crush, the university kendo club president (and dojo steward) while he’s leading the whole class for warm-up, and let him and the entire class watch you embarrass yourself. Again. (Mal last lesson: “I won’t do anything bad…” Uh huh, Mal 😒... really?)

I was probably even worse this class because that warm-up? I didn’t get it at all... Tony stood in front of us stretched leaning to the right, and I wasn’t sure whether I was meant to lean to his right or mine. I chose a side. Apparently the wrong side. 

Tony cracked up.

For a second, I was mortified. It was so embarrassing! But then I couldn’t help it. I cracked up! Which made him crack up. 

“Oh my god... I am going to get my ass KICKED, or get KICKED OUT of this class for sure!” I cringed. 

Luckily that didn’t happen.

But I did try my best during that class. And also did my best not to be a distraction to Tony or the rest of the class who wanted to learn... I mean, I really wanted to learn too! I had a freaking stalker! I needed to look like a bad-ass!! 

Oh, that’s right! I haven’t told you guys about my stalker!

So before Tony and I met, I had a stalker who had been following me around for about a year... He was still stalking me at the time I joined kendo. So, when Mal and the girls at the kendo stand tried to convince me to learn how to be a bad-ass and defend myself by hitting people with a big-ass stick?! Hell yeah, it sounded like a sign!

My stalker was a guy who lived in the same on-campus building as I did. Let’s call him... Russell. Russell was significantly older than me (at least 10 years older?), followed me by popping up at unwanted times (he somehow managed to pop up so frequently, and in such unexpected places), and would not leave me alone, even though I expressed I was uncomfortable around him.

He would approach me at very inappropriate times e.g. When I was walking home with groceries alone as the sun was just starting to set (this is actually what happened the first time we met); when I was alone on elevators; in an alleyway, as I was late-night Christmas shopping with just my female cousin, and basically any time... And his intention was definitely to have a threatening and sinister presence around me, as he would not go away when asked. 

Obviously, after that, I would try to limit the amount of time I was alone. But the difficulty was the fact he would only appear when I was alone or in the company of just another female. Never when I was with a male, or in a group of friends. So some of my closest friends doubted he even existed, or that he was as sinister as I felt he was. 

“I’ve never seen someone around that fits that description…”, “There are heaps of people who look like that. How do you know it’s the same guy or you’re just freaking out about every time someone talks to you that looks like  that?”, “Maybe it’s a coincidence he turns up at those times?” “Take it as a compliment…”

But what isn’t sinister about a man staring intensely, directly at me, as an elevator door was closing because I refused to get in with him. Or him stepping out of that empty elevator to stand, wordlessly, facing me, within a couple inches. Staring down at me as I waited in the lobby for the next elevator, while there was ample room for him to stand elsewhere. And him moving closer when I took steps away from him, uncomfortably.

Then, when two elevators arrive, one slightly after the other, and I saw him definitely walk towards the one that arrived first, and I ran to take the one that he wasn’t riding so I could hurry and close the door, then have him lunge towards the elevator I was on and wait until he’s last to press his floor button, despite being the closest to the buttons... Him pressing a floor above everyone else’s (even though you know he lives on a lower floor because he told you the first time you met). 

Remembering all this is honestly giving me chills...

Around this time, just as I was starting kendo, the stalker situation was getting worse. Just three days after I joined, I was studying in one of the common areas of my university housing apartment, while Dad slept on a couch nearby, I ran into my stalker, again. It was honestly so unpleasant. I had just walked out of the bathroom when I saw him walk out of the elevator. 

When he saw me, his head turned slowly and smirked, and followed me back to my desk where I had been studying. 

He started the conversation with a creepy, “heyyyy,” and honestly I don’t remember what else he talked to me about because I just told him angrily, “leave me alone,” repeatedly, and my dad sat up sleepily. I heard Russell murmur an “oh..” before dashing off to the elevators and disappeared.

But back to kendo. (Okay, I am going to be honest and tell you guys early on: if you guys are here to read about awesome and exciting recounts of kendo matches, this isn’t it.)

When the class ended, Mal wanted to stay back a little and get to know the people a little more… (Reminder: “I won’t do anything too bad... Promise” -- Mal, the previous class.)

We talked to a bunch of people, but I got to particularly talk to a girl named Marianne. She was really nice, but something about her gave me this bad vibe...

She introduced me to a couple named Ivan and June, and introduced them as “another” couple in the kendo club. But what was odd was she didn’t explain who the first couple was... Then she introduced Tony as her “punching bag”, and asked him, “isn’t she cute?” (referring to me). And I mean, obviouslyyy he answered “yes, she is” 😉😉 (internal me: *flower pose* 😌🌸). I thought I saw just a flash of jealousy cross her face, but she smiled at Tony sweetly.

I thought Marianne was nice and there were things I liked about her personality, like how bold and self-assured she seemed, and how she genuinely seemed friendly. 

Everything we’d been talking about up until that moment Tony joined in seemed so genuine and I— I knew I had a habit of overthinking, but at the same time, when you get a feeling about something, there’s usually a reason for it, right?

At this moment I felt clues for my 3 doubts being answered:

1) What do I like about him? After two lessons, I could still see the positive things I saw him the first time we interacted. How he’s serious about what he does, but doesn’t take himself too seriously. How he’s kind, patient, sweet, charming..... Yeah, yeah, you guys don’t really want me to go on.

2) Am I his type? Yes, yes, I think! Chance to celebrate anyway.

3) Does he have a girlfriend...? Well......... Although Marianne didn’t outright claim him, it felt like she kinda was. But there was no harm in getting to know him (and her), and I would back off if I needed to... The thought of that made me a little sad, because although we’d just met, I was starting to really like him.

With so much going on, I had so much to think about, and as I was walking home sometime after 10pm, Tyler messaged me with “hey AManda” but I ignored him. What is with this guy and his bad timing?!

(I haven’t explained who Tyler is yet, but you guys will find out soon.)

[lunar-winterlude]

Stealing this meme

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? Never smoked, so yeah.

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused? Single and confused.

3: What if I told you that you were pretty? Then I’d ask you why no one will date me.

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? Ugh. Yes. The one time I told a guy I liked him.

5: Are you interested in anyone right now? Yep.

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week? Spending time with my sister, getting paid, trying a new meal recipe.

7: Do you want to be single? Heck, no.

8: Did you go out or stay in last night? Stay in.

9: How late did you stay up last night? 10pm or so.

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot? Recently.

11: Last three things you had to drink? Water, water, soda.

12: Have you pretended to like someone? Nope. When I don’t like someone, I can’t be arsed to care.

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? This will sound horrible, but yep. Some family members.

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? I hope not, unless some creep has been spying on me.

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? Yep.

16: Think back five months ago, were you single? Is it that hard for people to remember? I’ve always been single.

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? Work.

18: Hold hands with anyone this week? I wish.

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? Nah, I think I’ll give it a few more tries. Still looking for a drink that I actually enjoy.

20: What would you name your future daughter? I have a file with potential names, but I don’t plan to have any kids.

21: Do you miss anyone? Yeah.

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? Never kissed anybody.

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? I wish.

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings? Not anymore lol

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad? Yep!

26: Who did you last see in person? Co-workers.

27: Are you listening to music right now? No.

28: What is something you currently want right now? To move closer to work. I’m so tired of this hour-long commute.

29: What is the last thing you said out loud? Something I yelled at the screen, I think.

30: How is your heart lately? Pining like a teenager lol.

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? Not in public.

32: Are you wearing socks? Nope.

33: What do people call you? What kind of question is this? I don’t have any nicknames atm.

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? I dunno.

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? I guess?

36: Who did you last share a bed with? I think the last time I shared a bed was with a random girl at Katsucon 2015. They had a program in place where convention volunteers who worked over 20 hours got to sleep in a hotel room at the convention center for free (in addition to a t-shirt and some other stuff, which I still have). So I stayed up from Friday morning to Saturday night (iirc) and got half of a hotel room bed. There was a bunch of us in that room, but everyone was too tired to do anything but sleep. It wasn’t sketchy, I swear xD I miss conventions, man. I never talked to many people, but the overall vibe was always good.

37: Did you do something bad today? I’m sure I did.

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? Oh man, it was probably my brother when he visited a couple of months ago.

39: Do you get stressed out easily? Depends.

40: Will you sing today? I always sing in the car.

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? Who hasn’t...?

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone? Michelle! Natas! Sometimes my sister, too!

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? I rode up front in an ambulance to accompany my mom after she suffered from a concussion.

44: What are you listening to right now? Jack playing God Dad of War.

45: What is wrong with you right now? What is wrong with YOU?!? Dang. Right now I’m trying to figure out what I believe and it is Not Fun.

46: What is on your wrists right now? Skin.

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? Thrift store.

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider? Hot apple cider.

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11? Once in a while.

50: Are you a good artist? No.

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? I imagine that it must be.

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? NO.

53: Ever been on a golf cart? Yep, when I was looking at apartments before I moved to Maryland. The office lady took us on one to look at one available place, which was silly since we could’ve just walked there? x)

54: Do you have trust issues? Yeah, I get paranoid easily.

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who? Once, with someone I don’t talk to anymore.

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic? Used to own a pair of those wide-legged black chain pants like the goth kids wore, but I never had the guts to wear them in public.

57: Do you use chap stick? Link’s.

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No, but I’ve wanted to.

59: Do you have a little sister? Yes.

60: Have you ever been to New York? A couple of times.

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Yes. :)

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week? No.

63: What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping.

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? I need to kiss someone first before I can regret it.

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? I think so.

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person? My last three kisses have been from 0 people.

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? Why the kissing questions.

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? I’d need to share a bed with someone on a regular basis before I could make this decision.

69: Will next Friday be a good one? It will be Friday, so I hope so.

[krlogik]

Tinkerbell Challenge!

So because our KNK babies’s 2nd debut anniversary is here I thought it’d be a fun idea to do a sort of challenge and show off our love for KNK. So, I guess I’ll start? (Warning: very LONG post.)

-First KNK experience: Ok so, I kinda have a youtube reaction channel (that I barely even update anymore ‘cause I’m so busy with school to edit any of my crap) so it was either that someone had recommended me react to them in the comments of one of my videos, or I had just accidentally seen their debut video in the recommendation vids on youtube. Can’t remember. Either way, I did a reaction video and the rest is history.

-First Impression: All the members: I actually looked up their profiles before watching ‘Knock’ and even though I had heard rumors about them being tall, I was still surprised at HOW tall they were. lol. And I thought it was pretty cool how they were using their real names instead of stage names. 

  ~ Kim Jihun: I had to do a double take on him. “Wait a sec, he’s the leader AND the 2nd youngest?! wow!” Because of this I thought he’d have a personality that was similar to BTS’s RM or NU’EST’s JR, and be all like super responsible and sighing at every silly thing. (Man was I wrong) 

~ Kim Youjin: Before reading his ENTIRE profile I thought he was the Leader at first ‘cause he’s the oldest and LOOKS like Leader material. Also, I thought he was a rapper. LOL. 

~ Park Seungjun: “189 cm?!” (This was before he grew that 1 extra cm!) “That’s the tallest Idol I’ve seen yet!” lol. I was probably like everyone else and thought he’d be like the cool, chick-looking mysterious, quiet guy that always looked mad at the people around him.  Gosh I’m so happy to be wrong.

~ Jeong Inseong: I CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T RECOGNIZE HIM FROM CCD111!!!!! I’m still so mad at myself for that, but anyway... I didn’t really get a first impression from his profile (other that him being another talls) but when I watched those “s*** KNK says” videos, I thought he was gonna be one of the members that is SUPER easy to tease. (which I was basically right about *cought!* Heejun *Cough!*) Also, I thought that he was trying too hard to be funny.... 

~ Oh Heejun: This brat Ok, my FIRST thought while reading his profile was “OMGosh! Yay! We’re the same age! AND he’s a May baby like me!” Seriously, I don’t know why, I just love seeing idols the same age as me. Anyway, I do have to admit that, because he’s the maknae, I stereotyped him as a possible ‘evil maknae’, which.... yeah, he is. lol. Though, I was surprised at how many pranks he’s pulled on his hyungs. Especially the ones that include wasabi.... (ALSO HATE MYSELF FOR NOT RECOGNIZING HIM AS THE CUTE SINGER IN THE TEENY TINY BAND IN CCD111) 

Impression Now:

~Kim Jihun: Kimchi~! Leader who acts like a child around the people he knows, VERY shy around the people he doesn’t. Unappreciated choreographer. HAS to have his back scratched. Hates it when Seungjun tells him to do something funny, but does it anyway. Has more of a behind the scenes Leadership role, but still does such a good job as Leader.

~Kim Youjin: The single dad who tries his best to keep up with his kids. Youji Mochi! AMAZING SINGER!!! Unappreciated song writer. 23/7 looks exhausted and so DONE with his kids, but we know he loves them. Probably the one who gets them out of trouble. does tend to have his own weird, crazy moments. Video game addict.

~Park Seungjun: total NERD. Loves all the things I used to love as a kid. Tall baby who needs to be protected. Total angel (Ahem! MIXNINE) who would probably give up a limb just to help someone out. Total lightweight when it comes to drinking which is SUPER adorable. Has a VERY LARGE friend circle, which I’m not surprised. Who WOULDN’T want to be his friend? The one who named us~ <3 also, don’t let ANY scary movie come close to him. 

  ~Jeong Inseong: LOUD!!!! Though instead of being annoying, his screams and laugh is super cute. Fishing geek. Precious baby that is so proud of his dark skin (which I also love). Indonni~ (I think that’s how you spell it). Totally SLAYED on MIXNINE. If he didn’t sneak a few glares at YG then I did it for him.  Voice of an angel.  

~Oh Heejun: DO NOT LET HIM COOK WITH YOU!!!! If you do, make sure you hide any wasabi, garlic, or anything spicy that could be easy to sneak in food. The most SNEAKY Maknae I’ve ever seen. LOVES his hyungs, especially his Youji Mochi. Skinny as heck ‘cause he doesn't eat a lot. amazing with his guitar. Tries to cheat in EVERY SINGLE GAME HE PLAYS. Have a feeling that everyone on MIXNINE thought he was weird. 

   In result, their all tall dorks that are unappreciated, but doesn’t let it get to them. Will do anything for Tinkerbells and loves spoiling us with covers on days WE should be giving THEM stuff. 

- Personal nicknames for them:

All: My babies (I know they’re all older than me, even Heejun since he’s like three weeks older. But I just love calling them that.)

Jihun: Kimchi-oppa

Youjin: Youji Mochi, Youji-oppa or Youji-appa

SeungJun: Seungjunnie-oppa

Inseong: Indonni-oppa, Inseonggie-oppa

Heejun: Heejunnie, OhHeejun, Pabbo

- Favorite Member?

   Dang... um..... I think officially it’s Heejun, mainly ‘cause we’re the same age. But I love them all so much it’s hard to actually choose. T-T

- Favorite Picture of KNK? 

 I just love this pic so much!!! I sometimes make my own personal KNK merch, and most of them have this pic on it. 

- Favorite ‘MY KNK Television’ episode?

 Either the one where they took the MBTI personality test (because we get to learn more about their personalities) or the two recent ones where they are away on a vacation and playing in the snow (they were so adorable and looked like excited little kids!!)

- Favorite KNK TV moment? (non-MKT)

  When KNK went up against Astro while playing games. I just love their friendship.

- Favorite KNK MV?

   Either ‘Knock’ or ‘Rain’.

- Favorite non-title song?

   ‘I know’. The lyrics are just so pretty. 

- Favorite Album? 

   Remain. ‘cause I love the jacket photos. hehe.

- Favorite moment as a Tinkerbell?

  Last summer I went to Atlanta to visit my older cousin and she took me to one of the Kpop album stores there. Because I was a first time costumer, the owner told me I could pick out a few posters for free. He noticed how I was looking at all the KNK posters and we had a huge conversation about KNK. lol. He even quizzed me by holding up a poster and asking who each member was. It was so cool, especially since I tried my best to speak in Korean the whole time. He later ended up giving me a free DVD with a KNK performance burned on it and wished me luck on my studies. XD

- Messages for each member?

~Jihun: To our cool leader~ Thank you for all you’ve done. From Choreographing to doing your best to keep us updated while on hiatus during MIXNINE. I can’t wait to see what you’ll show us in the future. 

~Youjin: Youji-appa, you’ve worked hard trying to keep 4 very large kids in line. Thank you for always doing your best and letting us listen to your amazing voice. I know it’s hard, being the oldest and most sane. hehe, fighting!

~ Seungjun: Our tallest baby! I’m so proud of you for doing your best, whether it be official promotions or stuff like MIXNINE, you’re always doing your best! Please never stop being you~ <3

~ Inseong: Indonni-oppa~ You also do so much. Thank you for always working hard. And even though we always joke about you being loud, please don’t take it to heart too much. We love the loud you and would NEVER want you as a different person. 

~ Heejun: Heejun-ah! Oh Heejun! Our all rounder Maknae can do anything huh? hehe. Thank you for always doing your best and for always giving us laughs. Try not to get hurt when falling to the floor though, ok?

~To all: Thank you so much for being KNK~ <3 Thank you so much for always thinking about us and for giving us so much. Thank you for always making us smile. Thank you for always being YOU. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do for the years to come. I love you~ Happy 2nd KNK day!

- Messages for fellow Tinkerbell?

 ~Let’s keep doing our best to love and support our tall babies! They always give so much for us, so I hope we can show them our love twice as much! The past two years have been awesome and I look forward for the next amount of years to come. We can do it! Fighting! <3 

[siamesefeverrdreams]

1-47

you probably thought i wouldn’t do this but you guessed wrong!! took me a bit but thank you for asking. hope i’m not boring :^)1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?i would love to have someone to cuddle with but i know i don’t really need that right now, i have things about myself i need to work on first before i even consider going into a relationship with someone.

2.When did your last hug take place?on wednesday with the cutest lil man bailey (dogs count!!)

3.Are you a jealous person?i wouldn’t consider myself one but we all get jealous sometimes!

4.Are you tired right now?not really

5.Do you chew on your straws?no

6.Have you ever been called a tease?yah

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?yes unfortunately. insomnia sucks ass

8.Do you cry easily?i’m a pisces! whatdya think??

9.What should you be doing right now?probably like updating my resume and applying for jobs but….. huh

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?depends if ive taken my melatonin/am intoxicated or not

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?yeah bitch 

12.Are you mad at someone right now?sorta

13.Do you believe in love?yes x1000000

14.What makes you laugh no matter what?silly voices & noises hh

15.Who was the last person you talked to?verbally: my dadtechnologically: michelle my hoe

16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?i don’t have a crush atm!!

17.Will you get married?i honestly do not know. i don’t really wish to marry, but i wouldn’t object to it if my future partner wanted to get married.

18.When was the last time you smiled?like 10 mins ago at myself bc i’m hilarious

19.Does anyone like you?i think so??? idk my anons have been…. telling.

20.Do you secretly like someone?nope

21.Who was the first person you talked to today?kurtrude

22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?my spirit guide L-O-L

23.What are you NOT looking forward to?the niall horan concert dsjsghlkk i wanna bail but my friend will be mad. (can’t believe i bought a ticket hhhh)

24.What ARE you looking forward to?moving to canada. idk when it’ll happen but it’s gonna happen sometime and that’s something to look forward to!

25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?yes i died

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?say good for him!! probably make jokes and tease him lol we’re good

27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?yes!! but we’ll see how it goes it’d take a lot of miracles!!

28.Are you a forgiving person?yah, unfortunately. i am too forgiving! recently i’ve been better at keeping my guard up. lessons have been learned

29.How many TRUE friends do you have?i would say like, 4.

30.Do you fall for people easily?yeah. friendship wise as well

31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?ew no lol no offence to him.

32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?a cookie

33.Who was the last person you drove with?my dad n (soontobe)stepmum

34.How late did you stay up last night and why?midnight, was listening to tunes dude

35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?canada!!!!

36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?bailey, the dog i dogsit! he counts!

37.Can you live a day without TV?yeah

38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?3 days ago

39.Three names you go by…hayley, hays, rad. the last two are very exclusive tho

40.Are you currently in a relationship?negative

41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?im not a big romance movie person! but like shape of water is a romance right? that fish movie moved the hell out of me

42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?not in the traditional sense no

43.What’s your current problem?anxiety!!!!

44.Have you ever had your heart broken?too many times

45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?they’re really hard and involve a lot of trust!!! it’s completely possible though! 

46.How many kids do you want to have?..h̲̹̹̹̼̱̋̈́̊̄̚ḩ̷̛͍͕̼̃̔̎̍́̇̕͟h͙͍̠̭̺͕̺̞̏̌̈́̔̎͢͠͝ỳ̴̘̻͇̠̼̹̲̗͓̇͊̒̄̓͊̽̕j̵̗̩̪̼̺͙̍̈̂̇̿̅͗̈́̑̽ͅh̶̨̧̘̱͉̱̱̎̌̊͌̎̈͗̒͢͠͡j̧̨̛̲̣̺̩̈́̊́̑͛͗f̢̛͉̻̠͐͆͢͡͞h̸̗̳̗̜̜̍̽͛̇̇́͝j̛͚̩͇̦͉̇͆̄͛͌̅͝͠͠ḟ͈͍̰͖͚͂͑͌̽͐͛͠ͅģ̷̖͔͕̳̺̹̩̊̊̍́̕͠g̛͕̘̙͕̀͋͑̅̿͐͟h̳͍̺̺̩̝͋̃͐̀̈́͋̌d̛̘̙̳͔̯̒̉̀̊͑̈f̵̢̡͓̮̥̱͚͎͔̉͒̏̋̿̋̕͜ḍ̴̨̛̞͕̘̓̂̍͊̄̔̄̓́s̴̩̤͚͉̝̙̀̃̇͌̋̈́̄͋̚͢͟f̶̲̖̘͈͍̽̑͌̒̊͂͡ͅr̶͔̺̩̬͙̱̟̐̀͋̒͘͘͝h̡̨̙̬̯̼̞̙̳̓̎̑̓̕͞y̶̨̨̖̤̟͋̊̓̆̊̕j̯̺̞͔̖̺͇͋̒̓͂̅̽̕͠͝..

47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?yeah bitch i’m shy

[spaceorphan18]

Changed For the Better 8 [Klaine Advent Day 8]

Rating: S for Shenanigans Word Count: 2792 Summary: AU - Kurt’s a struggling actor living in New York, and is currently working on a Made-for-TV movie starring Cooper Anderson.

A/N: Written for Klaine Advent Day 8: Health

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]

//

Changed for the Better - Part 8/24: Just the Way You Are

The first few days after Kurt came home were pretty refreshing.  He never thought he’d miss Ohio, and he didn’t really, but there was something nice about the wide open spaces, the slower pace, and the less complicated life his family led that helped put his mind at ease.   His dad welcomed him home, as always, with open arms, while Carole had a home-cooked meal ready for him.   They were up until much later than Burt or Carole were used to listening to Kurt’s stories about filming the movie he had been - Carole telling him that she’ll definitely record the movie once it aired.  

Kurt had three days of relative peace, no planned schedule, nothing to do but catch up on movies and magazines, and browse the music store looking for a good piece to sing for his audition for Blaine’s show.  He put his phone on silent, and spent time with his dad and Carole.  He’d be down in Ohio for three weeks, might as well get the best out of it - and ignore his regular life for a while.  

And then Finn and Marley showed up for dinner on the fourth day he was home. And as happy as it was to be with his brother again, one thing was clear -- it was wedding planning time.   He was ready.  He had his clipboard and his headset and a long list of plans he’d been thinking about before Finn and Marley had showed up.  He told Finn that he’d get started bright and early on everything.  

After dinner, Finn took him aside.  

“Kurt, I know you’re in charge of everything, and I trust you, I--we just have a few requests,” Finn said.  He took out a folded piece of paper from his pocket.  “The budget isn’t huge - we’re having the ceremony in that field past maple street.  The city said they wouldn’t even charge us or anything.  There’s a barn near by incase it rains. Burt even said he’d officiate.”

“Did he?” Kurt smiled.  His dad hadn’t told him that.  

“Yeah,” Finn said.  “Marley said she didn’t need a fancy church wedding, and with her being pregnant and all...just we don’t need anything big.  We’d like to have food that we know the place it came from and maybe just some folding chairs - maybe with Christmas lights as decorations.  We’re not picky about that.”

“Not picky about the chairs, huh?”

“Chairs don’t really matter.  Marley said the guests could sit on haystacks as long as we still go married,” Finn said.  Oh, she was a sweet one, wasn’t she, Kurt thought fondly.  “Anyway, the one thing Marley really wanted was for the flowers to be peonies.  She really likes peonies.”

“That’s perfect,” Kurt said, his eyes lighting up.  “Based on the bridesmaids’ dresses, I was going to go with a cobalt and amaranth theme, maybe a more pastel version, and peonies would be lovely.”  

Finn game him a confused look.  

“That’s the color scheme, Finn...don’t worry about it.”  

“Also, no birds pooping glitter,” Finn game him his serious look.  

Kurt stifled a laugh.  “You know, we’re not sixsteen anymore.”  

“I’m not cleaning up bird poop at my own wedding.”  

“Ah, you are a simple soul, Finn.”  

“There’s one more thing,” this time, Finn rubbed the back of his neck, the way he did when he was apprehensive about what he wanted to say.  “You’re not bringing Rachel as your date, are you?”

“Oh, no,” Kurt said.  He hadn’t even thought about it.  “I’m going alone.  Besides, Rachel’s okay, Finn.  I promise.”

“Oh, good,” Fnn said. “I mean, I wish Rachel well and all, and I wasn’t really worried about her, but I don’t want her at my wedding.  She’d be very high drama, and I think I’m better without that level of stress in my life.”

“Understandable.”

“You know what’s weird?”  Finn continued.  “I didn’t even think about her until Marley brought it up.  I mean, I was engaged to her, she was my whole world.  And I didn’t even remember she was on the planet.  Is that a mean thing to say? I don’t know.”

“It makes sense,” Kurt said - giving him a pat on the shoulder.  “Just because someone meant something to you then doesn’t mean they have to mean that to you now.  Besides - you seem happy Finn.  Sometimes the universe can send you things when you least expect it.”  

Finn looked relieved, and happy.  “Yeah, sometimes they do.”  

Finn looked past him, and to the kitchen, where Marley was helping Carole with the dishes.  Kurt knew that stupidly-in-love look anywhere.  And even though a little twinge of jealousy ran through him, he was glad for his brother -- who seemed at peace for the first time in a long time.

//

[Texts between Kurt and Blaine, two weeks before the wedding.]

Blaine: Hey! Can I get your email so I can send you info about the show.  And the audition?

Blaine: Hope all is going well with your family.

Kurt: Oh thanks!  hummelk527@gmail.com  

Kurt: Does your family ever make you question your mental health?

Blaine: My family’s Cooper.  What do you think?

Kurt: There is way more wedding drama than should be.  Apparently, about 100 more people want to be invited than Finn and Marley can handle - the cousins are coming out of the woodwork.  Carole’s sister arrived yesterday and has been in a constant state of drunkenness since she’s been here.  Oh, and Marley’s 2nd cousin is doing the cake.  I tried the muffins she sent us.  They were horrible.  The cake’s gonna be a monstrosity.  

Blaine: Well, at least you’re family wants to be a part of it.  I can’t remember the last time even my immediate family was in the same room, let alone over a hundred of us.  

Kurt: Well, true.  They’re just all driving me crazy.

Blaine: lol

Kurt: Oh! And my grandmother -- my grandmother who isn’t related to my brother or my future SIL biologically is insisting that she come.  She told my dad she wants to be a part of her step-grandson’s wedding because she doesn’t think I’ll ever get married.  I just can’t…

Blaine: Do you even want that? The whole wedding and a marriage stuff?

Kurt: I always said I’d be married by 30.  I always wanted a lavish wedding.  I know exactly how it’s going to go.  Groom was always a little fuzzy though.

Blaine: Ah, yes.  I used to have dreams about meeting a prince charming who’s sweep me off his feet and we’d have this fairy tale romance, you know?  Now, I think I just want someone I can picture growing old with, you know?  

Kurt: Yeah, that’s a nice thought.  Same.

Kurt: So, Finn wants to hire a local Journey cover band for the music.  How do I talk him out of this…

//

“Hey, Kurt, have a second?” Marley peaked her head out of the guest room of his dad’s house, and waved her hand for him to come in.  

“Sure,” Kurt said.  Marley kept the door mostly closed as he slipped in.  He knew why.  Her gorgeous wedding dress hung on the closet door.  They were keeping it at his dad’s house so Finn wouldn’t see it.  Marley, he found, was surprisingly superstitious about certain things - not wanting Finn to see the dress was one of them.  “What’s up?”

“There hasn’t been a real good time to do this, so I thought I would now,” Marley said.  She fished a check out of her pocket.  “It’s not much, but it’s Finn and my’s way of saying thank you.”

Kurt took the check, stunned.  “You guys really didn’t have to.  I had planned on doing it for free.”

He tried to give it back to her, but she pushed hand away.  “No, really.  These past few weeks have been--absolutely crazy.  But also wonderful.  And I wasn’t one of those people who needed a huge wedding, just someone that I wanted to be married to was fine enough.  But you’ve made it magical.  And please, take it.  Because there’s no amount of money can pay you back for what you’re giving me.”  She rubbed her belly a little, and smiled.   “The three of us really thank you.”

Kurt was utterly flattered.  “Well, you’re welcome.  It’s been a pleasure.  And weddings are always magical.”

Marley looked him over curiously.  “You know I had no idea that you were a romantic, Kurt Hummel.  I’ll admit, when Finn first said you’d help with the wedding, I thought he was joking.”

“Well, there’s a silly romantic underneath the hard, cynical shell,” Kurt said.  “It just doesn’t come out much.”

“Well, it should,” Marley said.  “I like it.  There’s something else, too.”  She went to the dresser, and pulled a piece of sheet music from the top drawer.  “I wrote a song, for Finn, for us.  And I was wondering if you were open to singing it for our dance.”

“Oh, Marley,” Kurt said, astounded.  “I’d be honored.”  

“Thanks! I’d sing it myself, but I don’t know if I could get through it.”  

“Are you nervous?” Kurt asked.  “About all of this, I mean.”

“No, not really,” she replied.  “Maybe about ripping my veil or not showing up on time.  But about marrying Finn? We’re already married.  It just feels like it’s making it official.  And having a big party to celebrate.”  She took a seat on the bed.  “You know, I remember when we first met.  It was at school and one of the other teachers thought it would be a great idea to give the kids sparklers -- while we were inside.  And I was in the process of trying to round the kids up when Finn showed up -- having dropped something off to the principal.  And he stepped in to help -- just as the sprinkler system went off.  The sparklers went out, and we had two dozen screaming, wet children, and he just -- handled it.  Our lives don’t get much more dangerous than that -- sparklers inside.  But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  He’s going to make an excellent father.  And that’s more important to me than the actual wedding.”

Kurt’s heart twinged.  The old romantic that had tried very hard to bury kept rising to the surface.  “Yeah, I think you guys will be okay.”

//

[Texts between Kurt and Blaine, one week before the wedding.]

Blaine: This show is becoming a disaster.  

Kurt: Oh?

Blaine: Yeah.  Cooper insists on having a role.  I just spent an hour listening to a debate on colors for blazers - blue with red piping or red with blue piping.  An hour! And June is insisting we change half the script.  We can’t change half the script - it would completely delude the meaning of the story.  Help!

Kurt: Okay.  Tell Cooper he can play a statue that’s intensely pointing - he’ll be good at that.  

Kurt: Blue with red piping - it’s classier, and will go better with my skin tone.  

Kurt: And give June a fake script and keep her out of rehearsals.  Once the show opens, there won’t be anything she can do about it.

Blaine: You are amazing.

Kurt: I know.

Kurt: The show’s going to be great!  

Blaine: Sometimes I wish I was just a performer.  Someone else can make all the decisions.  

Kurt: That’s why you put all this hard work in now.  Then someday, you’ll have all the people working under you make the decisions and you can do as you please.  

Blaine: Well, then I look forward to some day having you under me.

Blaine: I meant professionally.

Kurt: You couldn’t afford me.  

Kurt: Besides, who’s to say that someday I won’t have you under me?

Kurt: I mean, I do plan to have all of you working for me some day.

Kurt: ;)

Blaine: You’re diabolical.  

Kurt: Some would call that cleverness.

//

The day of the wedding came all too quickly.  And for all their planning, it was crazed and chaotic as any wedding could be.  Still, with the exception of a few minor things, there were always a few minor things, the wedding went off relatively seamlessly.  It helped that the weather cooperated, and it was sunny and warm with a slight breeze.  The ceremony was lovely, Marley was beautiful and glowed as she walked down the aisle, and Finn was the most composed and adult-like Kurt had ever seen him.  

Afterwards was pictures, and then everyone making their way to the reception.  Kurt sang the opening song, the one Marley had written as a surprise for their first dance.  Finn was so touched he began to cry as they had their first dance.  Kurt felt the song in his bones, a song about deep love, and companionship, and imperfectly perfect.  

A good while into the reception, Kurt took a seat at one of the back tables.  There were scatter plates of half eaten cake on them, half drunk champagne glasses, and the tablecloth had been marked up by blue crayon.  At least it matched the peonies, he thought with a laugh.  

His dad was sipping a beer, leaning back in his chair, watching the chaos out in the room.  Kurt had his wine glass, and sipped from it quietly.  It was nice to be on the outside of the madness for a few minutes.  

“You did a lovely job, Kurt,” his dad said.  Burt didn’t turn his head, but Kurt could hear the pride in his voice.  

“Well, I try,” Kurt said.  Another sip of wine, and he was becoming relaxed.  It was nice.  

“You’ve been awfully quiet today,” Burt said.  He gave Kurt a long look.  “Something on your mind?”  

“No, no,” Kurt assured him.  “I’m just taking it all in.”  

“Thinking about your own wedding, huh?” His dad gave him a wink.  

Kurt wasn’t as sure as he once was.  “I don’t think that’s going to happen -- not unless I decide to marry myself.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Burt said.  His dad was cheerier than usual - probably the beer taking over.  “You’re still so young.”

“You were younger than me when you met mom.”

“And twice your age when I met Carole.”

Huh.  He had never thought about it that.  

“Age doesn’t mean anything, Kurt.  Just a number.”

Kurt swirled his wine.  He’d be going home soon, and a lot of things to confront when he got back.  “Sometimes I wonder if I��d have been happy if I had married Adam.”

Burt gave him an odd look.  “Would you have been?”

“You didn’t like Adam?”

Burt considered his words carefully before he spoke.   “Adam was perfectly fine.  But more importantly, I’m happy with however you’re happy.  But you know, kiddo, you’re the only one who can do that.  No one’s gonna make you happy if you’re not happy with yourself.”  

“Adam wants to get back together,” Kurt said.  It was the first time he brought it up with anyone -- anyone other than Blaine all those weeks ago.  It felt nice to say it out loud - and he knew his dad was a good choice to turn to.  

“Ah,” Burt said, nodding, as if expecting it.  “Do you?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt admitted.  His mind wandered not to Adam but to Blaine.  Blaine, who he had spent the last three weeks texting.  Blaine, who he felt like he had known so long and it had only been a month.  Blaine who he was wishing was there with him now.   And for a second he thought of when he and Blaine met, Blaine looking so handsome in that tux.  “I thought maybe I did.  But then, life sometimes throws you unexpected sparklers inside.”

“How many glasses of wine have you had?”

“I’m fine dad,” he said.   Maybe his heart knew what it wanted, but his head was just slow.   “I’m just -- thinking about what I have to face when I go back to reality.  I just have some choices to make.”

“Well,” Burt said.  “I’m not going to lie and say I don’t have my reservations about the whole thing.  But you’re your own man, an adult now, and I encourage you to make your own decisions.  And I’ll support you.  If Adam is what makes you happy -- then fine.  If it’s some other guy, then that’s fine, too.  And if you really want to marry yourself? Well, I’ll be honest, that one is a little weird.  But I’ll be right there at your wedding if that’s what you want.”

Kurt burst out laughing, then placed his head on his dad’s shoulder, letting out a heavy sigh.  His dad always had a way of making him feel better.  “I love you.”

“I love you, too kiddo.”

[supernatural-firstwatch]

Season 3 Episode 8: A Very Supernatural Christmas

I didn’t get to watch any episodes yesterday due to my D&D session. Where my character died. But I’m in the process of creating a cat race(Tabaxi) monk warlock character who will be attacking in a cloud of darkness and possibly screaming “BECAUSE I’M BATMAN!” as he beats the shit using Flurry Fists. As soon as I figure out how to even properly play a monk-warlock. I’m relatively new at D&D (though at this point I have played a Human Rogue/Fighter (the newly deceased), a Half-Elf Bard (campaign was cancelled), and a Tiefling Fighter/Sorceress, so it’s not a bad mix of characters for someone who’s been playing for about a year). 

Sadly I don’t see either Sam or Dean getting into D&D, which is a pity. :P

ON WARDS TO THE NEXT EPISODE! I hope it’s a silly one with a name like that. Reminds me of all the Psych X-Mas/Holiday themed episodes.

- Grampa Santa just ate it up the chimney. Also, that title sequence is hilarious! With the hat and the snow. LOL!

- Man, Jared is SO MUCH TALLER than Jensen. I know it’s really only 4-5 inches, but it looks like so much more on screen!

- WHAT? DEAN! DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO MARY POPPINS IS?? God, your cultural references that do not involve ghost movies or rock bands is awful. LOL! “Actually, I have an idea. It’s going to sound crazy.” ‘Oh yeah? What could you possibly tell me that would sound crazy?” ‘Er... Evil Santa.” *pause* “Yeah, that’s crazy.”

- Dean ruined Christmas for Sam and told him there was no Santa. Dean is like my middle brother. He did the same thing when I was 6 and got excited about getting a Barbie house. Told me my parents had dragged it around in the trunk of the car all the way to where we vacationing. Mind you, my family is Jewish. :P

- BWAHAHAHA!!!! Boston Market for X-Mas. Oh man, I remember all the Boston Market when I was a kid. I loved the cream of spinach and the corn bread. 

- Well then. Sam and Dean have VERY different feelings about their childhood Christmases... I hope they elaborate on this because I live for Weechester knowledge!

- YES! FLASHBACK TO 1991!!! When Sam was 8 and Dean was 12! Oh Sam. 20 questions. “Nobody ever tells me anything.” “Then quit asking.” Have I mentioned Dean is my middle brother? Woah. Dean. That... is not the way to talk to your brother about Mary. And then he bails out and leaves Sam alone. That’s a great memory...

- Sam, no! “He’s just kidding. We only came here to watch.” That just makes it worse! You creep! 

- NO!!! LOOOOOL!!!!! DEAN SINGING SILENT NIGHT!!!!! AND THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING EXCEPT THE FIRST LINE!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! It’s a good thing that wanna be Santa is high and drunk AF. 

- Uh huh... Is the kid going to be a casualty this time around? It’s been adults up until now... Nope... Evil Santa is going to the kid’s parents’ room. And taking the dad. In a red bag. Kid, how about you move your ass and call the goddamn cops instead of just standing there and letting your dad be kidnapped/killed! 

- LOL! Sam giving a Christmas history about how it’s really a pagan holiday and NOT Jesus’s birthday! As a matter of fact Dean, the Easter Bunny is ALSO Pagan! Also, Sam knows that because he paid attention in school. 

- Sam is getting all flak about loving Christmas and being picky about it when he actually really fucking hates the holiday. LOL! I wonder how that went with Jessica and whether they celebrated it at all. 

- Sam, it’s Dean’s “last” Christmas before his soul gets reaped to Hell! Of course he wants to celebrate it and make it special! AWH! SAM! Dean wants to celebrate it because it’s his last Christmas and Sam doesn’t want to for the exact same reasons, because next year he’ll be alone...

- BACK TO 1991!!!! And Sam finds out that monsters are real by snooping around and reading things he shouldn’t. Dean is the best. Also, is that the same actor that played Dean in the Shtriga episode? It looks like it. Awh, poor Sam is now petrified for John, Dean, and him. If only he knew that he’s already been killed at least almost twice by the monsters.

- Ok, so, like, Mrs. Carrigan and her husband are way too Stepford Wives for that to be real. Dean reaching for the peanut brittle, LOL! that mand is ALWAYS eating! Glad to see Sam thought they were way too weird too! 

- If they’re so into Pagan stuff, why is their entire house decorated in Santa Clauses? Like, it’s like X-mas threw up all over their house. Oh well, NEVERMIND! That basement is just WRONG! Well, there are the boots. And the bag. And pieces of humans? 

- OH! DEAN JUST GOT HIS HEAD BASHED AGAINST THE WALL! And Sam is being held up by the old lady! Clearly a disguise. Oh gross WTF! The flashlight over their faces!! And Sam just got his head bashed in too. 

- HAHA!!! “Or what? You’ll eat us?” Sam the sasser. 

- OMG! I am LOVING these two gGds. Fucking hilarious! Dean should say “Quiznak” instead of fudge. “You quiznak come near me again, I’ll quizanking kil you!” #voltronreference!  

- I wonder if the fact that Sam has demon blood in him will make a difference to these two Gods. 

- Also, there’s no actual cut in Dean’s skin as she is cutting his arm. Ooops! AH! AAAAAH!!! WHAT IS HE DOING TO SAM’S FINGER??? ARGH THAT’S SO GROSS OMG HE’S RIPPING OFF HIS FINGERNAILS OMG THAT’S SO NASTY I CAN’T WATCH!!!!!!! AND HE’S RIPPING OUT DEAN’S TOOTH!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK SAVED BY THE FUCKING BELL, DEAN!!! Is it Bobby? Nope, just a random neighbor.

- HAH! The boys slipped their ropes. And now they’re getting their asses kicked by the Gods. Good job, Sam! And Dean! 

- Back to 1991!!!! Dean, you’re such a liar. It wasn’t John. It was you. You brought in that crappy tree and strung up the lights. John was never there. He was never back from the hunt. GOD, DEAN! YOU KILL ME!! YOU ARE SUCH A CINNAMON ROLL!!!! OMG! DEAN! DID YOU JUST STEAL A RANDOM GIFT FROM UNDERNEATH A TREE??? AWH! Sam worked it out. Sammy, it’s the thought that counts! He just tried to give you a Christmas... 

- AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! IT’S THE NECKLACE!!!!!!! THAT DEAN IS ALWAYS WEARING!!!!!!! THESE BOYS ARE SO CUTE!!!!!!!!

- AWWWWWWWWW!!!!! SAM DECORATED THEIR ROOM FOR CHRISTMAS!!!! 

- LOOOL!!!!! Skin mags and shaving cream from Dean. Fucking brilliant. And a candy bar and oil from Sam. “Food for me and food for my baby.” #heartbreak

- Sam is trying so hard not to cry! And look! It’s snowing again! 

Awh... This episode was both really funny and cute and HEARTBREAKING at the same time. These boys. *sniff*

[kpop4dummies]

The Pains In My Heart

Another piece of writing because I got bored! And Jung Jaehyun is the epitome of my life. Something a little heavier because watching a movie that makes you cry is the best method of healing ever :D Promise it’ll be a happy ending though!~ It’s a pretty long one, and I’m sorry it moves pretty slow. But I hope you enjoy! - Fay <3

(Photo not mine. Credits to NyLon Magazine)

Genre: Slight Angst, Romance, Neighbor!AU, HighSchool!AU

Word Count: 3,605+

POV: First Person

“Ms. (Y/L/N), this matter is very serious if it goes on any longer. I advise you that you stop with your activities and move somewhere better for your health.”

“I’m sure my daughter understands, Doctor.”

“Good. Now her next appointments are…”

So here am I now in this new part of the city where it’s considered ‘safe for my health.’ No matter where I go, it’ll all be the same in the end. Nowhere is safe for my health. As long as I try to survive and get through the day without breaking a bone. That’s all that mattered to me for the sake of my parents. 

The first day we got to the new house was chaos. You know the deal, bringing out the boxes and unpacking all the dishes, clothes, toiletries, accessories. I wasn’t allowed to carry the things that were ‘too heavy’ for obvious reasons. As usual, dad would always crack jokes and even play around while mom unpacked and messily set the random articles of clothing and the accessories into the various rooms in the house. And for me? To just do as I was told. And the first night I slept, I barely got any. The city sights of our old home gave me comfort, where the loud noises on the streets numbed out the negativity in my head and gave me something to focus on as I slept instead of contemplating my existence. 

I saw no point into moving out here. I already missed the other side of town where my friends were probably missing me. If I even had any. The new high school didn’t exactly make it easier on me either. Kinda like the one back where I used to live. Always kids picking on me and complaining when I had an excuse to sit out on activities that included intense physical activity. Oh yeah, it felt like home now. Everyday for the next two weeks was the same. I woke up, went to school, went home, did my homework, eat, then sleep. The same cycle over and over again with no change.

Until one day, everything seemed to change. As usual, I got up and sat on my bed for awhile staring out my window. The blinds of the opposite window were open, which never happened. I always believed that that house was never occupied. And then, this handsome man appeared, woken up and ready for the day. He was dressed in only a wifebeater and some grey sweatpants with his hair a fluffed up mess, and… Woah. Who was he? Was it possible for someone to wake up as flawless as him? That was until he closed his blinds. I froze on my bed, the image replaying in my head of when he walked into his room, seemingly done with his morning routine.

Eventually, I had to get out of bed. I did my morning routine, got dressed, ate breakfast, and headed out to walk to school. It was slightly chilly that morning on the way, I wished I brought a jacket. Why did I wear such a short sleeve shirt? Luckily, I was there in twenty minutes with ten left to spare. The building could be colder than outside, I swear.

After the first three classes of the morning, it was finally time for lunch. I mainly was by myself, sitting in the corner where no one ever goes to. It was all fine and dandy, until I met the eyes of the same guy I saw next door. This time, in actual clothes and socializing. He was less mysterious in this sense. He seemed to have fun. He stared at me as if he wanted to do so on purpose, until something else caught his attention. What was this feeling in my heart?

The school day began to end, finally. And it was time to walk back home. Just as I was about to head out, I heard a ‘hey you!’ being called out. I normally would ignore it. It was probably someone else being called to. Until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whipped around to meet the same eyes of the boy next door. I was numb.

“Hey you, I was calling for you~”

“Do I know you?” I questioned him. Well, duh of course I knew him, what a dumb question…

“Well, I am your next door neighbor. Perhaps I didn’t introduce myself. Ahem, Jung Jaehyun. Junior class,” he said as he held out his hand, a small smile appeared on his lips. So he was a year above me. I hesitantly took his hand with a shy grin.

“(Y/N), sophomore class.”

“Year younger, eh? Well, I suppose I can walk you home,” he said as his smile got wider. 

The walk home was pretty pleasant. Jaehyun was an interesting person. Pretty popular among the crowd and had friends who were just a popular. He was pretty intelligent as well, which made the girl swoon. He sounded so perfect, and why was someone so perfect talking to someone who had nothing to offer? I guess you could say I’m a prude. I was nothing compared to what his life was like. 

“I mean, there could be some upsides in your life right?”

“If taking meds and constantly protecting yourself from almost everything was fun, I would consider my life an amusement park.”

“C’mon Negative Nancy, don’t get like that.”

“I’m not that pessimistic, I swear!” We could both laugh at my misery and how silly it was. He made my spirits lifted somehow. Like the world was off my shoulders finally. It was a fun time until we both stopped by my house.

“Well, I guess tomorrow is a new day, huh?”

“Yep. And no worries, (Y/N). It’ll always be a better day tomorrow. Don’t get too negative on me, eh?”

“Yeah yeah~ No time for lectures right now, ok? Well, see you at school, Jae!”

“You too, little miss sunshine~”

The little nickname he gave me made me chuckle and feel warm on the inside. Maybe I finally found a friend who’ll stick out for me. How wonderful. Until my mood swing hit and said, ‘He only pitied you. Don’t think it won’t happen again.’ It was fun while it lasted, as I always say.

For the next few months, it was like this. Me and Jaehyun walking to school together, meeting up at lunch with his friends to hang out, coming home afterschool and spending more time together in his house. And then go to bed to do the same thing all over again. Our moms would even tease us for going on ‘dates.’ Ridiculous, right? I’ll admit, it was kinda cute to be teased that we were a couple.

We couldn’t keep secrets from each other. We were the best of friends. Why would I lie to him? But thruthfully, I already broke that rule since Day One. I wouldn’t dare tell him what was wrong with me. Why I couldn’t do certain activities and why I was suddenly negative at random times. I couldn't even tell him why I was on so many medications at once. We were supposed to tell each other everything right?. 

 Until that fateful night. That’s when he finally found out everything.

On a Saturday afternoon, Jaehyun sent a text even if he was in the next window of the house. 

[3:50] (Y/N)! I wanted to tell you something!

[3:50] What haven’t you told me? lol

[3:51] Hurtful, hahah

[3:51] Anyway, Taeyong’s picking me up to head over to Taeil’s house in about 20 minutes. The guys will be there. You wanna come?

[3:52] Um, heck yeah! Casual?

[3:52] No, we’re going to prom. Of course dress casual, silly~

[3:52] lol, you meanie. I’ll be at the house in about 15.

[3:53] sounds good~ I’ll let them know you’re coming with.

And as usual, I dressed into a jacket and some leggings with a random band shirt thrown in my closet. Surely I didn’t look like I tried to fit in, did I? After a few minutes of laying around in my bed, I got up and headed for next door, just about five minutes before we were supposed to leave. I rang the doorbell about three times before a hoodie-clad Jaehyun stood at the door.

“You’re here a bit early~”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t miss me.”

“I’m not saying I didn’t,” he said as we both chuckled. I stepped back as he went to lock up his door. And at that moment, I heard Taeyong pull up on the driveway of the house. I turned to look around and gave a wave to the car. Well actually it was a seven-seater SUV, suiting his ‘father-like’ image. But it managed to fit the whole group regardless. 

Jaehyun and I squeezed into the van, which had enough room for the both of us. And the ten minute drive to the house wasn’t too quiet either. Boys were normally loud, regardless of age or whoever was in the car. 

“So (Y/N), finally joining in one of our parties, eh?”

“It’s not exactly a party if we’re just drinking and playing video games, Yuta,” Doyoung said, making the whole car burst into laughter. 

“Well, actually I can’t drink too much.”

“Why not? Age is nothing but a number, (Y/N). We won’t tell the cops.”

“Unless you want me to die Johnny, then I’ll take nine tequila shots.” The car was filled with more chuckles and laughs as more conversation went on. Soon, we arrived to Taeil’s house, getting out the car and piling up in his living room.

This went on for a couple of hours. The smell of alcohol in the air made me feel a bit heavy, but I went on. Jaehyun kept me by his side at all times in case something happened to me, but truthfully wherever he was, I couldn’t even breathe.

“It’s just us, Jae. I don’t need to be babysitted. I’m just gonna sit on the couch.”

“Nuh-uh. You’re like my baby sister. No way in heck I’m letting you out my sight.”

Being called baby sister made a pang of hurt run through my heart. Why did I hate being called that? I wasn’t ever like that to him. But instead of saying it outloud, I just kept quiet and stood next to him the whole time. Damn you mood swings. It was like that for the night, I stayed by him because well, I was told to and that I couldn’t sit anywhere else because of the smell of alcohol everywhere. They didn’t even drink that much, why was it so strong?

Even the smell of it coming from their cups made me gag a bit. My brain was swirling until Doyoung proposed we take a road trip up the hills on the outskirts of town. I could barely handle the smell of alcohol in the house, so I was relieved when he mentioned something about going outdoors. It was that moment that we headed into the car, piling in one by one. Then we realized that we didn’t have any space for me in the SUV.

“Damn, do we have to leave her here?”

“Shut up, no we don’t. Um… (Y/N)…” Jaehyun said as he patted his lap. Suddenly, my cheeks turned red. Why was my heart suddenly beating so fast? Why did it suddenly hurt? The car erupted in little cheers and ‘whoops’ as I took a seat on his lap, closing the door before it was locked by a pretty sober Taeyong. 

As conversation went on in the car, I looked out the window to calm myself from my surroundings. And then I was tapped on the shoulder. 

“Hey (Y/N), you don’t look too well. Do you wanted to be taken home?”

“Mmm, no.. I’m… I’m fine. Really. Just out of it for the night.”

“Are you sure? You’re really pale and slightly out of breath. Do you need the window opened a little?” Upon his words, the window opened just a bit to let in fresh cool air into the car, which made the breathing a bit easier on my part. 

“That’s better…Thank you, Jae.”

“Of course, whatever little miss sunshine so desires,” he said with a cheesy smile, patting my belly gently as another blush crept on my cheeks. Before anymore teasing or crude jokes could be thrown at us, we finally arrive on top a high hill. As we got out of the van, the air hit my senses. It relieved the my cloudy mind and my heavy heart, giving myself time to breath before I went over to what the boys were marveling about. And that’s when I spotted the most gorgeous view of the city. The different colors of light covered the area in dots, lines of neon decorated the night, and the beautiful dark blue sky complimented those random bursts of colors that changed every second.

And then I felt a pair of arms encircle around my waist, making me squeal and I felt myself being lifted off the ground.

“Ey, relax. It’s just me.”

“Dear god, why did you scare me like that?”

“Because it’s kinda cute~” His smile could make me faint at any moment. He was legit making my heart beat so fast that I could actually die. But why should I care if I pass out? Was this what it’s like to be in love? To the point where feelings were so strong, nothing else even mattered but the person who was holding you? It made my brain swirl again, to the point where I’m shaking in his arms. 

This kind-hearted boy next door stole my heart. I wouldn’t be afraid to admit that. And if anything could cure my heart from my sickness, it would be him. but why was I too chicken to say it outloud? I’m so afraid of telling him because even spilling my emotions was dangerous. I extreme emotion was too dangerous for me to admit or or even feel. But I’m only human.

“Jeez, did I jumpscare you that badly?” God, that voice. It was so sweet, sweeter than honey. And those gorgeous eyes. I could look into them forever and I would never find my way out of them. What did he see through his eyes? What was I to him?

“Why you say that?”

“Your heart is beating really fast, also that you’re really pale.”

‘Fuck, he noticed,’ my mind said. Did he know was going on?

“No, I’m fine. Swear.”

“Well, then I guess this is the perfect time to tell you this.” Suddenly, my heart skipped a couple beats. Was this real king happening? What if this was the end of our friendship? Someone who I suddenly became close to after my diagnosis? 

“(Y/N), do you think this is the perfect time to say I love you?”

Then suddenly, everything went dark. I couldn’t feel anything. But soon I woke up to the smell of latex. My eyes opened up slowly to a hospital room with only myself in it. 

“This place again?” I said to myself. The window’s blinds were drawn so I couldn’t see anything out of it. I’ve lost my sense of time. And the only noise I can hear was some quiet talking outside the room.

“What happened last night, Jaehyun?”

“We were just up on a hill and.. she just collapsed.”

“You do understand her condition right?”

“What? Why didn’t she tell me? I didn’t even know…”

My heart clenched and beated rapidly. I felt like I just betrayed my friend. I lied to him all this time and what kind of a friend does that make me? I hid my heart condition from him after all these months and I didn’t even have the heart to tell him what was wrong with me. My mood swings, why I was so introverted, and this. And to top it all off, I fell in love with him. But who would love someone who lied to them?

Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, and then someone opened the door. I expected my parents to walk through, asking me if I was ok now, what was I feeling. But to my surprise, Jaehyun walked in. Was he gonna curse at me? Tell me why did I lie to him? Or even worse, why did he even tell me I love you.

“Hey..”

He was silent at my call to him. The sudden pause made the room feel awkward. The air was beginning to get heavy, almost hard for me to breathe. Then suddenly, I just couldn’t take it anymore. The tears that built up in my eyes began to spill. I couldn’t hold the truth for much longer.

“I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I lied about being ok. I know I should’ve told you sooner but I didn’t want you to worry about me… Please understand. Please don’t be mad at me…”

I choked through my words of apology. How would he even accept me? That was until I heard his own silent sobs. I looked up to see him at the edge of my bedside wiping up his own tears.

“Why did you hide it? I feel so guilty for bringing you with me last night…”

“But why do you feel so guilty? I lied to you about my health.”

“I feel guilty because I should’ve protected you. You couldn’t even breathe, (Y/N). I was so scared of the fact that you could’ve died.”

The tears stopped falling from my eyes. I could only stare at him as he turned his head to get a better look at me. I must look like a mess from the way he looked at me. But then he cracked a little smile at me, reaching over to my hair to tuck it behind my ear. 

“Hey now. You’re so pretty when you cry. But you would look even more beautiful if you didn’t.”

A sudden chuckle came out of my lips, wiping up my tears and holding onto his hand with my free one. I didn’t even hold hands with him before. It felt like it fit in my own.

“That’s so cheesy.”

“You know it, babe.” Woah. Babe? How faster could my heart get?

“Jae? Is it this the perfect time to say I love you?”

After getting discharged from the hospital after three days, I went back to school pretty strong. The average looks from everybody staring at me, judging me, and probably worse. It was all back to normal. Or so I thought. Jaehyun wasn’t there and neither was his friend group. Everything felt out of place.

That was until Sicheng and Yuta came up to me before I went home for the day and handed me a blindfold.

“This better not be some prank, Yuta.”

“Why do I always get in trouble?”

“That’s besides the point. Anyway, just put on the blindfold, promise we won’t kill you. You’ll like what we prepared~”

“For the first time in forever, I never would trust Sicheng.”

Hesitantly, I put it on. I reached my hands out until I smacked someone, hearing a little ‘ow’ before I was guided somewhere. It seemed like we headed down the atrium to a case of stairs, seeming like it was taking forever. My heart began to weaken a bit, but before I could give in, I was guided through a door. A sudden breeze brushed past me and through my hair. But the air still felt warm. And then my blindfold was taken off to reveal that I was on top of the roof.

“But why would you two take me here?”

“Turn around and see for yourself.”

I took their word and I turned to see Jaehyun on a stool with a guitar. He has never looked so beautiful. So perfect. But what made my heart beat even faster is the fact that the song he sang was the my favorite love song. I didn’t even realize that I got closer to him, his features gotten more defined as I came closer and closer. His voice we even more perfect as he sang to me. What did this all mean?

But as he ended his song, his hand reached out to cup my face. His hands were so warm. And he pulled me close to his face, and our lips touched. His lips were even warmer. 

The sudden cheers and ‘whoops’ made me pull back in embarrassment, hiding behind my hands as my heart began to race. In a good way of course. And then, Jaehyun suddenly spoke.

“For the last few months, this gorgeous young lady has stolen my heart from day one. She’s someone who unexpectedly became my best friend, who understood what it was like to be in pain. But what made her strong was the fact that she was able to pull through, just for me and for her family. She even hid the fact that she was in pain, just for me to not worry about her. And then she was able to see the brightside of life, why she should live longer, and why it was worth it. Because she was worth something to the boy next door who didn’t know that he needed her. (Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes. Yes yes yes, a thousand times yes!”

Even through my misery and pain, after all what I believed my life was, I finally found someone else who was worth all my love and all my life.

[sanguinesprout]

Therapy/Counselling Diary #5 (and some general bits of feels)

Last week I got the flu and was a total zombie so I had to cancel the therapy appointment. I’m about 80% better now, just the typical cold type symptoms to get rid of cough cough snot snot wheeze wretch eye water ugh. I phoned about 30 mins before the app time ‘cause I was really intending to go but that day was the peak of my ills (and I accidentally slept in after waking up the first time thinking my app was 1 hour later than the actual time and had a small panic too  lol). I was overthinking about what I would say to them on the phone but they didn’t ask anything other than if I’d be in for the next appointment after I told them I didn’t feel well enough to go in for this one.

When I went to this week’s app, the therapist was waiting for me at the reception desk (I was about 5 mins late, but I’ve been late to things so often in my life it kinda just felt like eh lol). She was kind and asked if I was feeling better and stuff like that and said she was thankful that I phoned in and that it didn’t matter it was last minute. (If you miss an app without phoning in you could lose all your future apps .__.)

We went over some stuff about self esteem and again about thinking ahead/assuming the worst. She asked me if I’d filled out the sheets from the last appointment and I was like ‘huh?’ because I wasn’t given any and had like a mini internal panic then too. Maybe she got me mixed up with someone else, either way it felt kind of unnerving and reminded me of the times I didn’t manage to complete some of the homework at school and got in trouble. Feels bad man ;;

So she got the sheets out, some of those scoring sheets about self esteem and I did them there. I kinda feel like whenever I do those types of multiple choice/grading things I’m never sure of what to pick. I definitely have very very low self esteem and on the scores it showed for most but was on the line for some, but I feel like I kind of lied maybe? Or like I just threw down the choice with too much uncertainty.

I sort of teeter in between the two sides of the choices in everything like this and even get worried that what I’ll pick is wrong or will sound bad. It feels so awfuls, sometimes I feel I don’t know myself very well at all... Or is it my chronic indecisiveness or worry of judgement taking over? It’s probably a big ol’ mix of everything >< I have a scoring sheet for depression and anxiety (doesn’t actually say it on it, but I recognise the questions) which I do every week and give to her in but I just get so unsure and quickly wing it just to get it out of the way. I wonder how it charts up, if there is actually any improvement or if it’s just all random... Ah, oh dear ^^” I’m being much too negative..! These things are only super general indicators and I needn’t worry about them too much!

Um, anyways after that we went over the diagram from last time again with the vicious cycle of negative thoughts and behaviours and added some more examples to it and discussed it some more. I am writing this the day after the app and my mind is already blanking ahhh my mind blanks all the time during the actual app too, it’s like I’m half awake xAx Maybe I need a break... (not that I haven’t procrastinated and looked at random other things already at least 5 times since beginning this post lol)

Okay, after ogling my phone, eating and spilling water on myself when trying to drink it and then ogling my phone some more, I think I’m ready to resume writing my extremely slow and bleh account ^v^ 

So, one of the examples we used was me going to a shop I was intending to go but avoiding, I did it and my expectations (which were initially negative) turned out to be disproven by my actual experience. So she asked me what I expected and to give a percentage of how much I believed in it and I said it’d be awkward and said I assumed this 80%. Then she asked me how it actually was and there was all this nice stuff I learned from going, it was a generally pleasant experience and and my score for awkwardness was rethought to 10%. It’s actually a really neat way of showing yourself how overthinking is so ridiculous and irrational. She said to try and do this for other things I find difficult and to try and then prove my thoughts wrong, I’ll... I’ll try!

She also went over this sheet of unhelpful/negative habits and it has some short descriptions all the different types and I actually have to write examples relating to the ones which I have/often fall into as homework eep! Some of the bad habits listed are predicting the future, mind reading, comparing yourself, catastrophising etc. 

She asked me what I thought she was thinking about me then (or well earlier on) and I said that she was thinking I was silly, but she said nope and she was actually thinking of how proud she was that I did the shop thing I was avoiding..! :D Also when she asked what is the unhelpful behaviour I do and I said avoiding things, she said thanks for being so open and truthful ^^ It feels nice to be praised and to know that my mind is just an asshole a lot of the time lol!

I‘m pretty anxious about writing things down as I always am but also she said not everyone has all these habits, but the more you have the harder it is for you to move forward. Looking at them I feel like I have them all aughhhh... but I guess it explains why I am having such a hard time with everything, it’s good to be able to understand more about my thinking.

Sorry, I’m not really elaborating or writing anything particularly useful. Ahhh what am I saying sorry for >< I keep worrying about my post sucking, but what does it matter if it does or not, I am doing this for me, it’s okay to be selfish... that was one of the things on one of those scoring tests there were a few selflessness statements and ahhhh I die x3x

I also gotta try and do the phone call order practice thing which I’m still avoiding the hell out of cryyyy... it sounds easy but it’s just so hard to get past my silly fears and just do it. Ahhhh c’mon, I can do it... ahhhh... it’s tough... I’ll get there, I hope, and then it’ll be smooth-ish sailing ;v;

Besides being sick and going to that app, in the past week, or well actually yesterday I went to my sis’ house again and made a really basic chocolate cake (was actually meant to be brownies, but oh welp lol). I did it yay! The results weren’t perfect but it is good enough and I guess I learned more about what I can do better (not substitute ingredients maybe lol). I feel a bit more confident using the oven and just combining the ingredients and cracking eggs which is nice! x3 Practice makes perf- slightly better to much better results hah! :3

I was kinda sad cause my parents aren’t really interested in my stuff that much? :< Like the other day I wrote a super nice picture message note thing directed to my parents (I do things like this all the time though and I put in a lot of effort and love) and my dad didn’t even say anything about it, just said he was too busy to look/doesn’t have time for nonsense kind of thing and it just... it really hurt and brought my spirits down so much... ;; My mum chuckled at it at least, I wrote a reference to something funny on it after all, but I wonder if it’s because of the reference that my dad doesn’t seem to like it? But that’s only one tiny part of the picture, it doesn’t make sense... ><

They haven’t tried my cake yet either or shown any interest in doing so, I mean they’re not obligated to and they probably will sometime later, but idk it’s just like... a disappointing and deflated sort of feeling like when a kid makes something and strives for attention or some sort of praise and gets none or hardly any acknowledgement at all... except I’m not a kid... or well, I’m an overgrown kid .__. Am I being too unreasonable or greedy? I want to make them proud at least a little or have even the tiniest bit of encouragement... I just want to be loved... :’C <//3

Um, welp I guess I just have to be more serious and do the grown up things they probably want me to do. Yeah, I’m not a kid anymore... I know I’m really childish, but I can’t help it, it’s just who I am... is it wrong? Should it be another thing to add to the list of why I’m so ashamed of myself..? No, stop, I’m being to harsh on myself.

Aw man, um... well I didn’t mean to fill this post with angst but uh... I guess better out than in. My feelings... they’re so... annoying... but valid and they matter and I matter. I can always learn love myself and I have my sister too. My parents do love me, it’s just not as conventionally expressed I guess. I gotta be grateful for what and who I do have, no comparing them to others either ^^

Lately (like I’ve said in the many many previous posts) I’ve been wanting to post my random art stuff or to try and make more serious attempts at making art or practicing it but I just... it’s hard. I feel like I’m so very close to being able to take that step forward but then I’m hesitating again, overthinking, trying to plan things, doing all of the negative and unhelpful habits and ending up too scared to do anything at all. 

It’s a pretty big hurdle, all the things Im facing are, and I can see over it but I’m scared to take the jump, it’s so intimidating but I have to just let myself know that even if I trip, even if I fall, it’s okay and at least I tried and get up to try again! I can do it! I keep losing my focus, but I’ll keep trying to get it back until I do it!

Oh! OH! My dad called me from downstairs, said he tried my cake, described its kind of flaws which I already knew and told of but said it was better than this other cake he bought before, that it was just better than my other attempts (Um.. I haven’t baked a cake before though lol) Anyways he said it all with a happy tone and I was reading into things too negatively before, man I was being so impatient and oh my overthinking mind when will you just slow down and take the time to enjoy the breeze and smell the flowers.

It feels like.. like idk... like I just got a mood and motivation to try harder next time boost. I’ll try harder next time and I’ll wow him and if not next time then the time after or after that, but each time I’ll improve some even if I fail some. This must be how people feel in competitions or in movies or in, well just life. How interesting! That phrase about life being boring or meaningless without challenge, I guess makes more sense now c:

I’m glad I wrote my post even though it took me hours and I stressed some and took so many breaks but I was able to pull around and add some positivity back into my gloomy mood and re-encourage myself in general which is awesome! I gotta toughen up and get around all these negative obstacles, I gotta pace myself more consistently but not get ahead of myself. Slow and steady wins the race! Yeah I’ll just throw out more proverbs and sayings even if I remembered them wrong or used them wrongly but whatever yolo! xD

I’m stronger than I think, I can do things, I can do them right now! I will do them or at least begin to do them right now! I won’t overthink or if I do I will unravel my worries with rationality! If I don’t do any of the things I just said then whatever and there’s no need to worry about it! Hell yeah!! >:D

Okay, imma do some productive stuff now :3 Like my counsellor said, there’s no point focusing all my energy on worrying and wearing myself out when it’s much better to put all my energy towards actually doing things and making myself happy.

If I don’t manage to do everything I hope to today, it doesn’t matter, I can resume it later another day. If I do something wrong, I’ll learn from it, I can now do even better and there’s no need to beat myself up about it. There isn’t always a right and a wrong, just go with the flow, there’s no rules and no obligations! My forgotten mini mantra yay! *power up!*

I really need to put my little self motivations somewhere I can see them more frequently. Oh yeah! In illustrations which I wanted to do... I kind of forgot about all that, but I’ve remembered! Hnnrgh no overthinking, no comparing, do it for myself, believe in myself! I’ll get round to it soon hopefully! c:

Keep fighting, keep going! Have a great evening! ^0^