#or maybe he did idk he is still a devil but im choosing to believe otherwise

[writingandsufferingblog]

I caught up on chainsaw man last night and GOD I need to read something lighthearted soon

[troomtroom101]

Toon Quest Theory PT.1: Who is Pib and the meaning behind the Book of Life

okay so I know @toontails announced their return (idk your pronouns im sorry!!) but I recently reread thru the Toon Quest story and I’m finally clicking some stuff together that I’ve been wanting to maybe throw out there!! Please guys listen to me i have been thinking of this for weeks, TQ has so many open ends and mystery that it’s not even funny. I’m a person of wanting to understand things so I made this post to share my thoughts with you guys, and yes I did research don’t make fun of me!!!

so, to start off first and simple. I wanted to get down to the point where the Book of Life is first mentioned, AA mentioned that the Book of Life dosen’t randomly select its holders which makes sense because the book is a lingage and it somewhat of a heirloom (ok probs not the best wording but still) it was also mentioned that the Book of Life chooses its holders like I said, generational wise but also because of the attributes that the subject brings to the team. I couldn’t find the screenshot but AA answered an anon ask at one point stating that. Now if we look more into the team we can understand why exactly they make up the team they are now, instead of a group of goofballs we actually do have a pretty well looking team.

Oswald’s attribute would be his luck. Which is seen in the first chapter when he managed to save everhine in the van from the semi truck crashing into them, which follows with him cheering that he still had his luck.

Bendy’s attribute from what I can assume, would be the fact that he’s a demon, and from what AA has stated/revealed the strongest one on the team (though Bendy himself might not know that) I’m taking it that in this AU, Bendy isn’t created from the ink machine but as it was said from AA he was accidentally taken from his home and placed on the surface (I can’t find the screenshot of the authors confirmation but trust me!!) I say that because Abel is after Bendy, which was also stated. And I’ll also go into why he might be after Bendy in my next post. But bendy’s attribute would be his strength and the fact that he’s basically inhuamne. Not to mention toons are hard to kill as is and since he’s a toon demon, it’ll take a lot to really kill Bendy and I’m sure we’ll see more of that in detail with future chapters.

Donald’s attribute would be his bad luck, which may be bad but is actually a good thing as in one of the chapters his bad luck basically murked the spirit spider that was chasing after them in the cave sequence.

His attribute clearly comes in handy when it’s needed. Not to mention it weighs out Oswald’s good luck with his bad luck. Creating a balance.

For Cuphead and Mugman, it would have to be because they harness power to shot their peashooters, and because as stated they defeated the Devil some years ago. Though with their character turnaround with tagging along with the TQ gang, this makes them a great advocate with knowing some plans about the opposing team.

And Panchito would have to be for his intellucal integrity as he himself was the one to even put the band together to begin with. Traveling overseas just to find one of them. His morals seems to be very strong and I believe there’s more to his character as he was the first one to recive the book and get any sort of information about it, as he claimed that the thought of the book came to him in a dream that he has had for years. Which would make sense why the book would go to Panchito first out of everyone because his person is uplifting, loyal and fairly responsible (in a way)

the book clearly harness some spiritual power as AA has stated. It’s not just a book, so I believe the book is what sent Panchito these visions. Also he’s good to and that it’s clear he’s a sharpshooter. Maybe even as good as Bettigan.

And moving onto Y/n. Her attribute, as we all know. Is undetermined because she’s a human. Not a toon. She dosen’t have any cool tricks, she dosen’t entirely have magic as it was said that she was supposed to, but lo and behold. She dosen’t. And she never will, as AA has confirmed. But inside the story it was say MULTIPLE times that the reader was supposed to be given a power to help her.

it’s refered to as a mark and how it was supposed to be given to Hector, but because of time and how he and his group couldn’t successfully go on with the plan of figuring out what Ruby Falls was (the death of his friends) he came to a witch in the woods to send a message to Y/n about how her having a mark would help her defend herself from darkness and save mankind.

But as we noticed, Y/n has no power and so far has been fighting and defending herself based on her agility and luck. As it’s seems multiple times, she’s not very good in combat unless the other toons are with her to back her up. But by herself on a 1 on 1 combat, she fails exceedingly bad at defending herself, which I won’t bash her too much as she’s just a teenage girl who’s revealed to be a homebody with no friends, fighting against various combative individuals who clearly has more training and knowledge in the ring than she does. You’re not gonna wake up one day and be able to take down Batman. But there is one thing about her that I will point out. That she’s very observant and can very much tell when things are off in certain situations. As stated by AA.

Reader is indeed a fast learner as when Ruck was teaching her archery, she was able to develop a knowledge on how to properly use a bow and arrow. And I must say. Archery is very much a tactile and difficult field to get in as it takes a lot of body strength and muscle strength, but with little time she had. She was able to adapt very quickly as seen with her being able to successfully get bullseye during the Warrior Falls contestant picking for the finale’s.

Though that dosen’t mean we’ll run right over the fact that Y/n dosen’t have magic as states as she was suposoed to have. It even concerns her to a point of questioning why she dosen’t have it. Does the book decide not to give her magic? Does it often happen for these quirks to just not show up. It was clear that someone or something is suposoed to give them these quirks as Hector denied wanting to have it as he stated he would save it for Y/n. Which also comes into play that this is probably a one time use.

So where is it? And who has it? Well. Who else is the only one in the series that has magic? Well, we have Bendy. Who’s able to bend liquids (which from what I see it’s preferably ink) and he can also make portals.

But this can also be because of the fact that Bendy is an actual demon and harness power that not any ordinary toon can. But that also makes me say. Do you know who else has the ability to create rifts and portals?

And y’all look at this FUCKING KEY WORD!!! PUDDLE

I swear this is not a COINCIDENCE!! I make this side by side comparison because at some point it was mentioned that Bendy would be the one prone to betray Y/n. Now I don’t wanna point fingers, but I believe Bendy may be a reason why Y/n is powerful. Or 1 of the many reasons. Because my second reason is going to be Pib. As it was said that Pib plays a big role and sort of a fairly meaningful role to not only Y/n, but to everytbing. Now, I don’t wanna be that guy but I really do want to say that Pib is actually a good guy and Y/n is a bad guy. AA did at one point said that Y/n is morally grey and that she dosen’t really care to be a hero, meaning that Y/n dosen’t wanna put her life in the line for just the sake of it.

which may seem like a bad thing but, honestly? We’ll probably get more into why the reader may feel this way and why she may essentially reach a point where she feels this isn’t really fit for her. Pib isn’t exactly a bad guy because their only objective to them is to kill Y/n. That’s it. They don’t care for the book. They don’t care for the situation or who has the book, but it’s just to kill Y/n.

and the opposing team also wants Y/n dead as well. And only her. They don’t care for the others but just wanting her dead

I’ll get into later why I might think why they want Oswald out of everyone. But that’s besides the point, I find it concerning that Y/n has such a large bounty over her head when she hasn’t done anything to anyone or from what we know and have been seeing she’s pretty much innocent. Before I get into Pib, I also want to put on the table why I may think everyone wants Y/n eliminated first.

I’m chapter 5, Argus states that when she kills Y/n, the book will be in her possession.

She claims that when Y/n’s dead her bloodline will be no more, now I want to say she’s refering to Y/n being the last of her generation to hold the book in her possession, but now that I thought more on it, maybe when Y/n dies, the book just automatically releases its hold on the others making it accessible to anyone. So in some sort of way, Y/n has to be a key, a valuable key and asset to keeping that book locked. Whuch can explain why Ruck is trying him damn hardest to teach Y/n under the time he has to defend herself properly seeing she has no power to properly do it. Because if she dies. Everyone is shit out of luck, anyone in the world can just access the book. Which can explain why the villians want Y/n dead so bad. if break the lock. You have access to the riches. Now that’s if the others will still be there to defend the book from being taken still.

which moves back to Pib. Now we all know. The books signature glow is a yellow/golden light or aurora. It helped them navigate where to find eachother. Certain locations and even a piece to Ruby’s Heart. This book is basically its only navigation. But who else has that certain golden glow to them.

In the recent sneak peek, Pib was able to tug some hair from their head and use the essence of it to creating a golden line to lead them to where the TQuesters are. The same navigating line that they used many times to help them travel around. And Pib’s glow is yellow and golden. A color that's assossiated with the book. Maybe Pib is also a keeper of the book, and maybe the magic that was supposed to be given to Y/n was handed to Pib somehwere along the line. But who would have given this power to Pib. The only other person I can think of, would be the main villian. The man in the trenchcoat. As he was the sole purpose of all of this happening to begin with. Though he has little screentime. It’s clear that he’s going to be a big problem. Pib’s power was also stated that it’s just about as strong as Bendy and Abel. Abel being a literal arch Angel—which is mentioned that Abel’s sole purpose on earth is to kill dark magic that’s located in the Shadow Realm. A split between physical world and the spiritual world. Which I can assume is where Bendy came from as well as Zip and Zot as they were confirmed to be from the shadow realm. I belive the things from this world are dangerous and cannot be contained. Which is why Abel is even present to begin with. He’s role is to destory anything that’s from that world. Including Bendy. Now why he has such a hatred towards Bendy, I don’t know.

Not to mention Abel is at the top of the list of things that is very hard to be defeated so it’s safe to say that the book refering to angels being able to banish darkness, Abel is what it’s refering to.

Pib and Abel works hand in hand because they both have the power to do a lot of damage. I’ll make pt2 going over more bc I need you guys to hear me OUUTTTTTTTTTTTT

@toontails I WILL NOT BACK DOWN UNTIL I FULLY UNDERSTAND

[tamhrayis]

Jeff Buckley Anon here again-

I'm do glad you enjoyed the recs and will explore more. If you don't mind, and don't feel like you have to answer this quickly b/c I know you must be busy, but I was wondering... why do you think fate chose Eren? He said himself he didn't know why he wanted to destroy the world and start clean. Do you think it was Ymir? It reminds me of the scene with Kruger and Grisha when he says that he isn't sure what was guiding him either. You know...after he said something about saving Mikasa and Armin? It makes it all so much more tragic and Idk...im tearing up thinking about it. Beautiful isn't the word I'm looking for. But for some reason I like that Eren didn't know either because it let me know that even though he had the worst ultimatum (sort of like making a deal with the devil) this wasn't his will. He never wanted to kill all these people.

But why was he chosen? He couldn't have known his father said he was free as a baby. Not until that last panel (oh excuse me memory shard) was shown to him. It might be easier to understand if there was a time loop but there wasn't. So did Ymir start his path from birth knowing there was something about his nature, his tenacity that she could use?

Eren accidentally lead Dina to his mother, so that couldn't be the thing that started this. This is really the only thing going around in my head! Sorry if this sounds jumbled.

PS "Black" by Pearl Jam is Eremika all the way. Except the part about finding someone else. I just don't think she has a mind to and never will. I COULD BE WRONG but from my pov, being married...I just don't want anyone else and don't think I need to move on to someone else in order to be fulfilled. You never know, but their love was so tragic I just don't see Mikasa having anyone else. She will have a beautiful fulfilling life and pass on to be with Eren I again. But that's just my inflated two cents!

And thank you for the post connecting the lyrics to the song. You're awesome!

Hello, again! 

I think it’s time to touch this topic, because I really wanted to write what Eren’s motivation was after all and I’ve waited to see Eren’s POV on the things happened around him. 

From my personal observations that I’ve made during rereading and writing analysis on Eren’s character, I noticed that he has never stated why exactly he is doing everything. I mean, yes, at first Eren was motivated by revenge, but the fire of his revenge calmed down after he found out that he is also a titan and he generally became more focused on his dream with Armin about seeing the outside world. Then, of course, this whole “the world is our enemy” thing kicked in and everything slowly resulted in rumbling. 

However, I would like to say...Many people forgot that Eren was never a rational person. Eren always acted as he feels like and he is highly emotional. Undoubtedly, he came to controlling his emotions, which I actually tricked many people (*cough* dudebros/AnR enthusiasts *cough*), but as Eren himself said in ch.121, he was always the same. The only thing that has changed in him was his approach of reaching goals, because Eren understood that in order to make people believe in his “big bad” persona, he has to become who he was this whole arc, a cold and “serious” person. 

If we look back, Eren activated the coordinate simply because he wanted to protect Mikasa. He drank the spinal fluid (?) that gave him crystallization/hardening, because he wanted to save his friends in the crystal cave. Eren has turned himself into a titan, because he didn’t want to die in Trost without accomplishing his goal (this hits very hard right now). There are many examples of Eren acting simply based on his feelings, but I think you got what I am talking about. 

As for why did Ymir choose Eren...She knew that he is the best option to carry out this mission that followed every Attack Titan’s holder (Grisha and Kruger). I believe that the Attack Titan was the embodiment of Ymir’s desperation for freedom and this spirit followed each of the users. 

Eren was the person she was looking for, because he is very determined and selfless. I believe that Ymir can see when the new Eldians are born, because the coordinate looks like a tree and she can see the new branches being added (since they are her subjects and each of them is related to her). She knew that Eren doesn’t necessarily need a rational reason for the mission as long as it gives him the right emotions to keep moving forward (for example, anger). 

I don’t think that Eren actually intended to kill Carla, but it was the result of the (unconscious) choice he or Ymir did. If Bertholdt wasn’t saved on that day, Armin would die in the future and the conversation between him and Zeke wouldn't happen etc. Ymir needed Eren to continue guiding Mikasa to him and keep her making choices until they meet. 

So was Ymir’s goal = Eren’s goal? I don’t think it was solely because Ymir wanted him to do these things. Eren’s feelings were also included into the mixture. He wanted to erase the world, because he saw the “enemies” as an obstacle of reaching his nonexistent concept of “freedom”. But...again, Eren didn’t exactly knew why he needs this freedom. Maybe it was because the thought about the outside world inspired him, but then gave the sense of unfairness and anger. Perhaps, he was scared for his friends and their future. Maybe that was simply what he wanted, but that didn't really matter to Ymir, because no matter what he did, it still would depend on Mikasa’s choice. 

P.S. “Black” is so nice. A perfect song to listen in chill summer evenings. 

[enderspawn]

so now that we’ve had a few days since the syndicate stream, i think ive managed to cool down and step back to look at it more neutrally. ended up long and pretty rambly since its all pretty flow of consciousness so its under the cut, but heres some thoughts on the syndicate (and a bit on c!techno, since hes the originator)

in universe, techno has only just heard a new place was made. he doesn’t know jack abt it, so he goes over to check it out and learn whats happening. he meets w tubbo, who explains they arent a gov, and accepts it then goes. hes hesitant abt the nukes, but frankly? also understandable, they are nukes. any kind of mass weapon of destruction is something to look out for, same as if tubbo revealed his own wither vault. 

i think the reason that i, and many other ppl, had such a NEGATIVE reaction to what is a mainly harmless and completely reasonable interaction is. well, bc we’re the audience. we KNOW more than c!techno does. we know that snowchester very explicitly was formed without a government because they’re afraid of techno attacking. we know that the nukes are made to defend them, based off what happened to lmanberg. we know that ranboo joined partially to try and spare snowchester if worst came to worst. 

the reason we the audience were afraid of him going is bc we feared what would happen if he DID deem it a gov. bc we know the effort they’ve done to NOT be one, bc we have a connection to the town that c!techno doesnt. 

after then came calling the syndicate/techno tyrannical. after all- if they strike down every government then they are forcing ppl to follow their beliefs under threat of destruction or death. which is uhh pretty fucking tyrannical. 

the thing is that in the end the syndicate hasnt even done enough for us to like. KNOW if thats true. techno himself said hes totally fine w just group of people living together, hell hes in a damn SYNDICATE. you can def argue in general abt what gives the syndicate the right at all to decide if a gov deserves to exist, if being “”the deciders”” makes them inherently hypocritical. (this also is pushing that “they decide” bc, well, w the exception of tubbo now, theres very little chance the other ppl would win against techno and crew. it Would just be decimation. if they attack, they’re destroying it all). 

after all, they preach abt giving ppl the right to choose but then dont let them choose to form a gov. paradox of tolerance i suppose, since in anarchistic views there isnt like a “non-corrupt” government so every government is worth dismantling. (note, this is all based off my p limited understanding of anarchy theory and also Very Simplified for ease of speaking)

another reason we the audience may have been so afraid is bc, historically, techno doesnt lose. he may suffer personal losses and feelings of betrayal, but narratively hes won every battle hes really been in. its the status quo, so any possible conflict in the future you kind of expect the same. we were afraid of any kind of conflict starting. 

i think this stuff does kinda work in character too. c!tubbo admits himself he doesnt rlly know government stuff, and he doesnt seem to really know what techno would or wouldnt DEEM one- thus he has a similar fear to the audience of being struck down for it. ranboo, like stated before, partially joined bc he was afraid FOR snowchester. 

again i get that anarchy is against that greater establishment, but theres something to be said for the fact that. well. this is a block game. its systems work a LOT differently than real life, and real life anarchist theory may not transfer over well. there are a lot of good posts ive seen recently analysing lmanberg (specifically early lmanberg) and like. it genuinely worked to protect its citizens. they were able to pool together their resources and man power and protect each other from outside threats that would overpower them seperately. there IS no big overarching societal and deeply built in system to overthrow like in real life, if anything “having a government” IS the new system trying to form instead of anarchy (bc, to my knowledge, lmanberg was the first real “government” and the dream smp’s gov kinda formed as a response) it could def be another reason so many ppl are against enforcing anarchy-- this isnt the real world, and being in solidified groups could help the weak. without that, instead its the strongest survive and thrive while everyone else suffers. 

(then again to devils advocate my own point, a lot of times they’re referring in those posts to a time where wilbur, who was actually “in charge” wasnt around a ton, so there was less of a power structure in place. also, you CAN still have a group of ppl without being a “gov” (like snowchester or the syndicate) but then we get back to “what is a gov by the syndicate’s standards” as well as if they want to remove a gov at its start or JUST when it seems “tyrannical” (so if they believe a gov is inherently tyrannical). like if i started a direct democracy gov and explicitly called it a gov, do you take it down? its taking the opinion of all citizens and allows everyone equal power. is that corrupt just bc its ALSO a gov, or does it get to stay? where is the line?  idk man maybe give the gov like a free trial. if it starts being corrupt then step in but if they’re vibin they’re vibin. chill w the anarchy /lh /hj JFKDLSJF)

idk man this isnt fully conclusion imo i just wanted to long think abt this. also fuck this block game for getting into legit political theory and ethics and shit. “is someone valid in doing something for another person that they believe will help the other person if it limits their personal freedom” (or, is techno correct in enforcing anarchy bc he believes it is the best form for ppl, EVEN at the cost of their personal freedoms to make a gov) is too deep to be asking for a fuckin block potato pig. this is why i dont do a ton of discourse im just stupid and it starts getting philosophical at some point FDSKLFJ

yall can respond w your own thoughts to this if you want, even debate it!, but idk if ill respond bc uhhhh Brain Empty fdjsklfj i just wanted to ramble and sort out my own thoughts on the matter now that im not uber pissed at c!techno JFKDLSJFKL

[ranvwoop]

TALK ABOUT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE I HAVE AN IDEA OF WHY IT'S THERE BUT I WANNA HEAR THE EXPLANATION ALSO THE ONLY HOUSE THAT"S NOT ON FIRE (YET) FOR THE SAME REASON I JUST WANNA SEE THE ANALYSIS:TM: IF U WANT I WANNA SEE IF I GOT IT RIGHT :D

Hi :DDD. Thank u for asking,,,, I have many thoughts. I am sorry in advance. This is one of those things I will put under a readmore because I am into rambling. IT GOT A LOT LONGER THAN ANTICIPATED IM SORRY. Like. a lot. It was 4 pages in google docs because i dont trust tumblr to save my drafts

Okay a lot of my Ranboo thoughts are about the syndicate / boreal trio / peerpressure duo. But you’re probably aware I am a Them enthusiast first and both a dsmp enjoyer and person second. Because. I really like the syndicate. I also don’t have too too many thoughts on the more recent lore past the experiments. Once the in character monologues stopped, so did my brain. I communicate through monologue to monologue communication.

American Healthcare is actually gonna be the main reason why this is so long bc it works Very Much for like three different reasons. One sorta niche and abstracter reason is a stream that was basically never elaborated on back in March, either the day after or very close to the peerpressure Egg confrontation stream. The egg called him a coward (for some reason my brain can Only come up with the “stop saying i look like chicken little. he’s dumb, and a coward, and i am NOT a coward” vine), and he is not a coward, so he decided to make an action plan to bring the server together by acting as a mediator for all parties and try to make sure that everyone is happy, because he’s the only one that can see all sides, or something. This was where he said the big happy family™ line but other than Ranboo Become Dream?? analysis nothing else really happened and everything went along as normal.

(I also always held a little bit of suspicion on this stream actually and thought it might be the influence of the egg, because it says it can give one whatever they want, and ranboo wants to make everyone happy and this was a totally foolproof way of doing that. Sort of in a similar way that BBH is convinced that his plan will totally make Skeppy happy. But also Ranboo is just like that, but this felt a little more on the nose than usual and he did fall into the egg and made his decisions after being egged on by it, buT WE’LL NEVER KNOW, WILL WE?

… also I really wanted to see more egg conflict at the time. Peerpressure rlly got involved in the egg plot for cameos at the banquet and nothing else. I do not blame anyone and respect the ccs for all of their attempts to weave plots together but also. also…. we.. we coulda had so much…)

That was a little off topic from the point, but… he really just thinks he can save the sick… he can see that everyone on the server is unwell and is wrong but, y’know, look inwardly, the unwell is coming from inside the house. And an inherent problem of the way that the server runs. And if this is still lowkey in effect or not (idk man a) ranboo has monologued a lot I simply chose a one off from march to grow emotionally attached to and b) i think that my brain has shut off once ranboo stopped solo lore streams), it would probably go the way that most choosing to change the system from the inside goes. Which is the point of the song and stuff! He will inevitably decide what’s too far, whether he will either admit it’s a choice or just feel that it’s what he has to do. The, uh, dealing with the devil, to be polite.

in conclusion (but we are not close to done here i’m holding you for a bit longer), i think a lot about that stream and i think that shows what he wants to be, at the very least, and continuing down that path would definitely go into being far more trouble than just a noble goal of wanting to help people, from negotiating with corruption (The lobbyists, the Congressmen and lies bit) and that the server can’t really be brought together and saved like that (When things are more and more this way / Sometimes it's like they'd rather die)

THE LESS. vwoop why have you written an unnecessarily long post about one stream in your playlist character analysis reason is both more literal and piece by piece and also Syndicate, My Beloved, you know the drill. We are going line by line because I have a lot of feelings about American Healthcare, apparently.

This also comes back to that everyone on the server is doing Really Badly, all of the time, but mostly his time in L’Manburg. For one, he is pretty complacent in everything and doesn’t really accomplish much in terms of actual change, so like Well people die every day / I wouldn't have it any other way / I just think they should feel good while they are alive. An example of this is Exiled Tommy — who I’d also metaphorically put as the dead man just for funsies, since Tommy’s whole exile thing was one of the first things Ranboo experienced on the server—as he did try to be friends with Tommy and keep him company with his letters, but he still has no power over the actual issue at hand. Just trying to make it a bit more bearable. Similarly is Techno, while Ranboo still participated in the butcher army that was trying to kill him, he helped in the meantime until he “died”.

And then it’s the Realization that participating in the system doesn’t really help much, and the subsequent Everything. It could be getting mad at the whole government system and that he didn’t mean to contribute to the harm, or how he fought with Fundy using hs ideology but not in the way that Ranboo thought. It could also be standing up to his hallucination Dream, in that he doesn’t try this hard to be a good person just to be accused of helping with all of the things that he may or may not have helped with. (That is… a discussion for not right now, I don’t know.) And I think this sort of area is also where it’s like they’d rather die is also relevant, cause Doomsday. Nobody could just set aside their governments and just get along, though Ranboo had his own solution to fighting and things.

And then he joins the Syndicate! And the lyrics of the song are directly Government Bad, because government bad. Canon anarchist, has done things that he’s not proud of as a part of the government. The lines it was the government / … It got louder over the years / Until all that I could hear was flies and all.

But honestly I think in the Syndicate he’s still trying to “save the sick”! Because the Syndicate don’t All fit eye to eye either. He’s the token pacifist, and a vote against violence whenever it comes down to it. Not all anarchists are violent but Techno and Phil will probably react strongly when provoked, due to All the past events, and I live in a world where their trauma and issues get talked about as much as everyone else’s. Since everything is decided by vote it’d probably be split between them and Ranboo + Niki, who is in her healing/no longer resorting to murder arc. He’ll help them negotiate and then everything will Be Okay, ideally.

(Also I just like the idea of Ranboo believing that he is helping the people he’s living with because canonically cc!Ranboo has said he just really cares about his family and the syndicate are included in his family shut up but they also just believe they’re helping him and yes it’s self indulgent. I care them. Particularly Endduo, actually, or whatever they're called, I am not bold enough to think Ranboo looks at Techno and thinks I Can Fix Him, but. Philza Minecraft will one day talk about his feelings. One day.)

There’s also radioduo and beeduo as of recent— really I’m just saying I think that Ranboo constantly has a Need To Help People, believes he can do it, and it will come back to hurt him in the end (except for the Syndicate because I’m in denial. The Syndicate can’t fall out if they never stream together :) ).

THIS CONCLUDES THE AMERICAN HEALTHCARE PORTION OF OUR SHOW.

The Only House That’s Not on Fire Yet !! I like this one. This is also blatantly there cause Syndicate. They are the only faction that is not actively falling apart, and this could absolutely be because they never stream together. But I do not care. However we are also going to go through this one piece by piece because we’re nearing 1500 words here and I might as well embarrass myself more. I am writing an incredibly informal essay about Ranboo My _Beloved (i assume his middle name is My, and he’s just one of those people who write his full full name) and this is the third page. If you’re still reading this, I’m sorry. Here we go.

There are lines that just seem like an unwell but recovering person, and I like to sort of think that way about Ranboo in the arctic during the down time. “I feel knotted up today / But in a most exquisite way” and “I feel strangely regular / But honestly I prefer it to / The usual bizarre” are just! He’s just hanging out. He’s doing good. There is the acknowledgement that he’s usually not doing well, and all of the episodes that he’s had in the past, and it’s probably strange to be doing well in the midst of everything, and there’s probably something impending, but now? He’s doing good!

The verses directly after both of those ones are about uncertainty and trust and such, and I feel like that’s not necessarily about just One relationship but all of them. Will cause problems as long as he has an accomplice. He is not confident but he trusts and loves people.

“This suit doesn’t fit me / I made it conterfeitly” I just like to think about Ranboo in his fancy suit, but it’s just a little wrong because he actually has no idea what he’s doing. I also like to think about Ranboo in a cape to fit in with boreal trio and later the syndicate, and emerald duo had matchy blue outfits from the Antarctic Empire… and trying to fit in with them…. or maybe They make him something.. You know. Much to think about.

“Killing me with déjà vu” I think is like. A little less fun, because despite how well things are going, the enderwalk is still not resolved and he had even less answers when I started thinking “this is a ranboo song”. Just as it relates to having a strange sense of reality and stuff, which goes into specifics of enderwalk headcanons, which would make this far longer. Even though I’ve framed it as a negative, there is also the more positive note of “Oh! I just thought of how to change all the hate / Into love with the old switcheroo / Dancing in my déjà vu / You'll be dancing too” which I’d rather explain broken up but I feel like as it’s a full verse it should be together. The first part is connected to my general thoughts of him explained earlier tbh, he’s trying Very Hard to make everyone happy and fix things. And adding the second part to it is just like! He is trying to make sense of everything, and it’s not so scary as time goes by. Since the experiments where he’s been (questionably) trying to be more comfortable and get more answers.

This was very long. I am sorry. I am ending it here and probably not going to do much formatting to make it readable because it is very late o’clock and also this is four pages and 2000 words I am so sorry. But if you read this far then. Uhhh thank. ^v^.

[apprentice-nylah]

So since I didn’t catch that we finally got Book XXI - The World until now... I’m doing my usual first impressions of playing through and my thoughts. Since (I think?) this is the end of Nadia’s route, I believe I’ll do an overall thoughts in a different post later on when I’ve digested everything. 

Both my thoughts on the Upright ending and Reversed ending are under the cut. I play through Nadia’s route only. But this is a much longer than normal post. And it goes without saying, but a lot of spoilers under the cut. 

Upright Ending

- ITS FINALLY HERE?!?@?!??@~

- Backroom of the shop but in red... okie

- oh is this uhm.. when the apprentice first got revived? 

- snow

- oh what did nadia legit visit the apprentice when.. wait... 

- okay so basically you can only pick “youve come to the right place!” even though theres an option for “wait this isn’t right.”

- YoU’Re hEr FiAnCe!!!

- NO YOURE PERFECT FOR HER

- is it going to be the fool card???

- ok the high priestess, I can accept that

- THE LOVE OF MY LIFE (can you hear me screaming irl) 

- this is all the devils fault so “the devil will pay for this”

- aw nadia gushing about the apprentice is so cute

- “I’ll always find you.” fuck ye

- uhm.. apprentice wise probably “id turn into a phoenix.” 

- lived on the moon.. “i’d live there too.” 

- it was cheesy but u loved it anyway

- im actually squealing irl about nadia

- winkie sprite again ;0

- back where it started then eh

- “it has no power” 

- renovating it would be a nice touch i think

- death 

- “this IS a pickle” 

- a ruse cruise l0l

- “you’re right” can’t believe i’m taking advice from death

 - letting go of the past

- i don’t want to worry u queeeen

- this scene is familiar from asras route i think though i didn’t play it to this point, just have seen screenshots of it

- aw nadia

- that “back off zombie” option just reminds me of that heath inspector spongebob episode for some reason, but i’m going with “i wouldn’t say that”

- you could but u won’t

- “emotionally traumatizing zombie card” lmao

- ooo his thone room is kinda cool art wise

- i still love the devils art even tho i kinda hate him

- “do you ever stop talking” theres no other option to choose obviously

- nadia lecturing the devil is everything

- mortals but the apprentice is basically the fool so idk how true that exactly is

- WE WON

- what kind of person exactly WAS nadia if her family is this shocked that she wants them to visit, jeez

- fashion show lmfao

- natiqa gunna stay oo

- aw muriel and asra is still cute as fuck

- awww the baker getting to be procurator. thats also cute as fuck

- volta as official taste tester l0l

- portia totally has a crush on nahara and no one can convince me otherwise

- “i’m not ready to leave” 

- i swear they keep mentioning things on fire and although shes prob referring to the one we were there for, theres always so many stories involving the satrinavas that include setting things on fire and i want to hear all the stories

- “lets bother valerius” we owe him for it still

- “he deserves it” my thoughts exactly

- YOU BET I REMEMBER IT

- “what we’ve done!!”

- sprite artttttttt

- eeeeeee.

I do feel like the ending is somewhat anti-climactic. I would have loved to see the wedding and all that cute shit, but perhaps it could be a tale later on. Or it also gives fandom creators some room to let the imagination run wild and that’s always a positive thing as well. 

I haven’t looked around much, but i think theres some discourse about the endings, though when is there not discourse in the fandom lmfao. I will say that i think this does really play into what I said before that the upright ending and route playthrough is all about change. This is the person Nadia is capable of being at her best and her reversed ending the person she could be if she had stayed on the path she was set on. (or at her worse, if you prefer that). 

as said, I think I’ll put an overview thoughts in a different post, but I think book XXI was a pretty decent wrap up, though obviously I wish there had been more of it. 

Reversed Ending

- I’m still like.. not as mad about the reversed ending as a lot of people seemed to be, but also i agree with the apprentice. PANIC

- okay im really keen on domination and shit but being a possession of another person is really a no-no for me. but i get it nadia... this isn’t ur best u

- the devil really has a fetish for red, don’t he

- I think this place is never gunna let u go anyway tbh

- learning more about the devils nature and knowing that nadia is eventually gunna be the devil is just like... why.

- “which would u prefer” 

- u bet im gunna be fucking cheeky

- “ill obey” ig. idk what the “right answer” is so...

- say nothing

- nadias eyes are fucking creepy like what

- tbh i can’t believe this somehow backfired on the devil like... i didn’t think he was actually this stupid

- “its beautiful” 

- okay her devil sprite is hot asf. i admit it. 

- “of course’ 

- so valarius rules vesuvia now?

- its kinda of sad to see her relationship with the high priestess gone

- okay, also a hot CG

- “gimme!” tho i’m sure shes gunna make me beg or something wild

- “let me thank you properly” 

- kiss every inch of her

- thats kinda sweet in a weird sort of way

- “youre mine” 

- they fucked didn’t they

- youre going to free her... >.>

Okay, i have... thoughts. While I’ve said that I do believe that the Reverse ending is supposed to be Nadia as the person she was at the beginning of the story (or at least in some ways with some of her less desirable traits amplified to the max), this just seems... weird after playing the Upright ending. 

Obviously this makes sense if you played the route as a reverse ending. The apprentice is super dedicated to Nadia that they’ll follow her blindly, even if it means harming other people. You fail to see her faults and instead just tell her that people who criticize her are wrong. But like I said, I think the Devil honestly being that idiotic that he actually gave her the power to defeat him is just wild. In a way where there has to be a lot of suspension of disbelief for that to be a thing. But okay. This is where we are. 

I do think a lot of the domination/physical scenes with Nadia were super hot and wish we had gotten a bit more in the Upright ending, but since I have both endings, I can live with getting the emotional lovey stuff in one and the steamy physical stuff in another. THat’s fine. Also, I really do love Nadia’s Devil sprite. The art is great for it. 

Anyway, those are just some thoughts I had on my first play through. I’ll probably do a full reflection tomorrow when I’ve sort of had more time to process my feelings. As for what I’ll do with the Arcana now that Nadia’s route is over... I’m not sure. I’m not super hot on Portia, though I like her. Just not in a “I want to romance her way.” Maybe I’ll play through Muriel since I think he’s sweet and I thihnk his story will be super interesting. And As much as I hate Lucio in this route, I’m kinda of interested in how they’re planning on writing his route. 

[honeyedhoseok]

HI IM BACK AND GET READY CAUSE IM ABOUT TO GO OFF. Starting with last chapter..So as we are aware of past standing & how they’re both toxic I’m so fucking mad at both. OC never had the right to treat tae like that but tae also never should have blamed her because he LET her believe the past. I’m not saying what she was doing was ok but it makes sense she would have trust issues when it comes to him. Taehyung should have definitely not even hurt her in the first time they were together+

***THE V2 SERIES SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!!!****

That being said he was the first to fuck up. Now, in current times i understand the fact that they are not together & he can mess with whom ever he wants while oweing OC nothing. She’s in REALTIONSHIP given that he’s a asshole & should leave him. That’s another case but tae has all the right to be mad because he wants her & she has the chance once again but she won’t try it. I’m just mad at the way they both went at it+

But tae full on doing all those pictures on social media and maybe ending up with that girl OC was paranoid about is such a low blow. He did it with suelgi & now with this new girl. He has no right to pretend like he’s the one hurt when all he does when he comes around is destroy OC. OC is still toxic to him!! She needs to learn to love herself once again & leave hangbin. God it’s scary how OC & tae realationship is so toxic still the healthiest one they have+

But i can’t help feel more for the OC because tae did this to her. He created this whole situation he can’t just act like she’s the only one to blame!!! I just want to fight him. Plus it takes two to fuck up!!! He was fully aware of being with OC while she’s with hangbin. He can’t blame her (cheating isn’t okay i hate that shit) but hangbin cheats to in some ways and i hate him the most. Taehyung really knows he’s left OC hurting again & here he is living life. He’s fully aware of +

What he’s doing all over again. I’m not saying they belong together. I’m just saying he brought it all up. I wish OC would just leave both hangbin & tae to focus on her. Yeah, life & leaving comfort for something unknown is beyond terrifying but she should choose to be happy. Neither of the men in her life deserve her all she does is cry. I just want them both to hurt like never before. I want OC to never turn back & leave tae behind. I want to see tae hurt +

And sometimes i feel bad for tae but then i remember he did this to OC. He’s doing it again. He should hurt like she did. Anyways I’m sad because he didn’t even show emotion in his eyes when he saw OC. Nothing. I wish OC would do that to him. Wow I’m sad and mad

I guess you could say I’m a little biased towards OC but I’m fully aware she’s not in the right either. What she was doing to tae and stringing him along like that was in no way ok. Just cause he hurt her doesn’t mean she should repay him. Idk man they’re both messy and i want them far away from each other to never meet again. 

So first, I’m absolutely TICKLED that the V2 series has sparked such a long, detailed inbox message!!! Secondly, I’m totally going to play devil’s advocate in my answer because I feel a lot of hatred for Taehyung in this ask…(which is totally okay!!!!):

Remember that Taehyung technically didn’t post anything that was out of the ordinary on his social media. He posted a pic of himself with Yeseul tagged in the caption–to anyone BUT y/n, this would look totally normal! It was y/n doing her jealousy sleuthing that she stumbled across Yeseul’s pictures of Taehyung, not the other way around :’)

I’d also like to point out here that Y/N is TERRIBLE at expressing her feelings, which you probably already know. She was terrible in high school when she blew up and cut ties with Taehyung without actually hearing his side, and she still is now when she won’t figure out what she wants more–Taehyung, Hongbin, or to be alone. She doesn’t let anyone in. She doesn’t know how Taehyung feels about her because she won’t talk to him about the status of their relationship. (Remember, she said he was her “best friend” in FFBB. Like, y/n! WTF!) Additionally, Taehyung doesn’t know how SHE feels about him, because she doesn’t discuss it, but he can kind of tell from the way she wants him around all the time and of course, because they’ve been in a secret relationship for years with no label on it. So a lot of this hurt that y/n is experiencing comes from her own stubborness and unwillingness to figure out what the fuck she wants and express that to other people. Hence, everything blows up in her face. And what does she do? Sulk. Cry. Pout. Become a hobbit. 

AGAIN, Taehyung is not completely blame-free in this situation at all! He does hold a guilty conscience for helping y/n cheat for years, but he secretly despises Hongbin so I can see why he would be okay with hurting him like that. He sees this as a situation to where he gets y/n even a LITTLE bit, and so he’s okay with it. Of course, it hurts. Of course, it sucks. Of course, he wants more. But Taehyung is somehow satisfied because it’s better than going without–OR, it WAS until he realized how much of his life he was wasting being y/n’s side piece and blew up in FFBB. y/n hurt him a lot with that “I wish it could always be like this” line. Like, it TOTALLY could, but again, y/n is selfish and doesn’t want anything to change but taehyung does. It’s a flaw of human nature lol. 

In my very honest opinion, I think that Taehyung deserves this little bit of get back that happens in Stitch. For years he’s let y/n control him and kind of hover over his every decision since he moved near her, and I think seeing her squirm a little bit when he doesn’t come crawling back to her is good for him. It’s helping his self-esteem (which he should have a lot of, because V2 Taehyung is kind of a good guy!!!! imo)

I agree. They are both messy. But I think the clean up lies in Y/N’s hands. She started this whole thing again. In Don’t You Need Me she kissed Taehyung and then freaked out but guess who was apologizing in the end? certainly not y/n for her own actions. It was only Taehyung. And then who came back and said “I need you around”? Yeah, y/n has a lot to do to make this better. I think the cards are in her hands, and the perfect time to start would be *cough* during the party at Yeonwoo’s because *cough* Yeseul isn’t coming and neither is Hongbin *cough cough* 

Thank you so much for this ask!!!!!!!11 I had so much fun typing all this out lol :’)))))

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && carson

WHEN: january 25th-27th.

DESCRIPTION: the saga of carson and raelynn over the past few days - in text message form.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: angst, sex mention,  death mention

@carsonreyes

carson

uhhhh I think we should talk

raelynn.

who is this?

carson

it’s carson, raelynn.

raelynn.

idk what we have to talk about.

i haven't even seen you in idk how long.

carson

so then what’s the issue.

raelynn.

the same issue as before.

carson

then let’s talk

raelynn.

what's there to say that hasn't been said

carson

can’t we move past this

raelynn.

idk can you undo all the damage you left?

carson

can I try

raelynn.

You don't even know me anymore.

carson

then I’ll get to know you again

raelynn.

That's if I let you.

carson

you’re really just going to let us hate each other

we’ve both grown, cmon

raelynn.

i don't trust you.

carson

that’s valid

that’s why I’m trying to fix it

raelynn.

why now.

carson

I just got back

raelynn.

yeah but you always had my number, apparently

carson

actually

I had to ask for it

raelynn.

who gave it to you

carson

Uhm

next question

raelynn.

was it delilah.

carson

no

It was wessy

raelynn.

ew

whatever i can't be mad at him

carson

so

are you gonna let me get to know you again

raelynn.

do i have to decide today

carson

yes <3

raelynn.

that's not fair.

carson

neither is calling me out in the gc

raelynn.

you can't compare that to cheating on me for months and then dumping me for the other girl

carson

it wasn’t for months

and it wasn’t for some other girl

raelynn.

choose your words carefully bc if you say that i was the problem and the reason you cheated on me / broke up with me i'll block you.

carson

no I take full responsibility for the cheating and being a dick

raelynn.

yeah, and i was the last to know, and then you broke up with me and you were all over social media with that girl like days later.

carson

it wasn’t days

and you were the only one to know

raelynn.

you're right i think it maybe was only one day

carson

it was like a month

raelynn.

still too soon. still sus. still dated me and said you loved me and wanted to marry. me for 2 years.

carson

I did!

raelynn.

and you cheated on me, so none of that was real.

carson

I did really love you raelynn

raelynn.

you don't do that to someone you love.

you don't lie to them and make them look stupid

carson

I know I know

raelynn.

so did you just. stop the minute you decided you wanted to fuck her.

carson

no I was just stupid and not thinking

raelynn.

you really messed me up like permanently i'll never be who i was again.

carson

I’m so sorry

raelynn.

so do you get why it's not fair to ask me to decide today whether or not you can be in my life?

carson

oh cmon it was a joke

I wouldn’t actual expect that of you

raelynn.

i never know what to take seriously with you honestly

carson

I’ll wait as long as it takes, raelynn

raelynn.

to what end?

carson

wym

raelynn.

what's the goal

carson

whatever you want

raelynn.

that's too vague. there has to be something that you want. otherwise you wouldn't bother.

carson

I just want to make things right

I’m not the devil

raelynn.

i mean, they do always say that the devil doesn't always have horns and shit. they say he's got gorgeous hair and piercing eyes, and he lures you in.

carson

oh come on raelynn

raelynn.

see that, that was a joke.

carson

wyd tomo

raelynn.

whatever i want during the day and then work in the evening.

i'm a cage dancer, tips are good.

[...] why

carson

do you wanna get coffee

raelynn.

is there a particular reason you want to?

carson

just to hang out we dont have to

raelynn.

I don't know.

carson

that's ok

raelynn.

But maybe.

You're not trying to mess with me?

carson

no

raelynn.

it's just that the last time we sat across from each other you were breaking up with me.

carson

i can't break up with you rn

raelynn.

i know. that's not what it's about.

carson

well

raelynn.

it's just. that's how little trust is here, carson.

carson

idk what im supposed to say

im gonna give you space

raelynn.

you're supposed to just say what you mean .

carson

i am!

raelynn.

[...] I'll meet you. But just coffee. Not coffee and then my place, not coffee and then your place, not coffee and a kiss.

carson

i just said coffee

raelynn.

I know what you said, I just want to be as clear as I can be.

carson

crystal clear

raelynn.

Good. Um. Noonish?

carson

noon works!!

raelynn.

maybe the starbucks around the block from wes? I go to that one a lot. The staff is nice.

carson

sure, sounds good!

raelynn.

and carson? i literally am gonna ask just one single thing of you, okay?

carson

yes maam

raelynn.

don't screw any of my friends.

carson

idk who ur friends are

raelynn.

ugh.

carson

give me names, raelynn

raelynn.

i'm an extremely popular woman!

carson

bruh

raelynn.

well, there's delilah even though she and i aren't speaking. there's lana, there's niamh, roman, landon, ivy (i hope, soon), spencer, echo, rue, jules. if i think of anyone else i'll let you know.

also wes, wes is my friend, he counts.

carson

ok spen and i have been friends way before

and im not gonna fuck wes

or delilah

raelynn.

you don't get to argue with my list, carson.

carson

ok

raelynn.

you wanna fuck spence or something?

carson

i didn't say that

i just said we were friends!

raelynn.

okay.

i swear to god carson, you've aged me 50 years.

carson

oooh 75 yrs old

that;s hot

raelynn.

hate you

carson

<3

raelynn.

...don't

carsonBOT01/25/2021

</3

raelynn.

you don't even mean that lmao

carson

says u

raelynn.

it's not like you came back for me or whatever

carson

carson: i came back because i wanted to

raelynn

yeah i figured.

carson

carson: and i had to

raelynn

you had to come back or you had to leave?

carson

both

raelynn

so why did you leave?

carson

uh idk if you wanna know that

raelynn

did you run away with the other girl.

carson

no

raelynn

so why.

carson

my mom died

raelynn

[...]

carson

so i went to stay with my dad

raelynn

shit. i'm sorry.

carson

an awakening of some sort

raelynn

i really loved her.

carson

 i did too

so yeah i went to california. saw my dad. lived out there

raelynn

and you had to come back because...?

carson

someone had to do something about the apartment and house

plus wes was practically begging me to come back home

raelynn

yeah i get that.

marie

but I’m here now

raelynn. 

did you miss me.

you don't have to answer that. it's stupid.

carson

of course I did

raelynn.

okay. idk why i wanted to know.

carson

idk either

raelynn.

idk it's stupid

[...]

carson

I’m so sorry

I have a meeting at noon I forgot about

raelynn.

if you're backpedaling just say so.

carson

I’m not

raelynn.

so why should I believe you when you texted to cancel 15 minutes before?

carson

I have one brain cell and it’s my dad’s assistant’s

raelynn.

Was Delilah just making fun of me in that chat for not remembering ivy

carson

what does this have to do with me

raelynn

bc if so, it looks like you joined in.

carson

again, what does this have to do with me

raelynn.

Bc you can't act like you wanna fix things with me in here and make fun of me out there. Doesn't work like that.

carson

I’ve only told Delilah to fix things with you

what are you talking about !!!!!

raelynn.

The fight yesterday! When I said I dont remember fighting with Ivy and everyone shat on me. Delilah was making fun of me when she was talking about not remembering anyone.

carson

yes, I am that cruel and think that deeply into things

raelynn.

I know exactly how cruel you can be dude and I may be a dumbass but I didn't forget that.

carson

it literally wasn’t a dig at you

I was mocking Delilah

raelynn.

Do you swear on my tits?

carson

I’m not doing that

raelynn.

No matter whats going on with us i know you wouldn't risk them unless you're lying.

carson

oh my god

raelynn.

yeah I guess you're regretting this decision now

carson

you literally make me regret opening my mouth jfc

raelynn.

You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to.

carson

fine!

raelynn.

Fine.

carson

read

[...]

carson

hi

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

hi.

carson

im sorry

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

for?

carson

being dumb

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i don't want to play games anymore. i'm a grownup.

carson

i thought we were 12

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

carson

carson

raelynn

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

can you be serious

carson

how serious

i would like to not be serious rn im trying to figure out this living situation

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

like above the age of 12 serious

carson

how's 16?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

gah, ok

carson

<3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i told you not to do that

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

and you're not heartbroken so that's just a lie emoji

carson

dont tell me how im feeling

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

fine, you're not heartbroken over me

carson

don't tell me tht

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but it's the truth, isn't it?

carson

no

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm going to be very honest. if you are messing with me i cannot handle it. it hurts. so if you are messing with me right now, don't. ok?

carson

why would i be messing with you

do you want me to try to make things right

you can tell me no and ill quite literally just fuck off

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

[...] you can try.

carson

ok

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

...ok?

carson

im trying!!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

your ok texts are just weird omg

carson

it's literally an ok text

what would u like me to say

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm not mad or anything

about that

carson

please

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

pls what

carson

im trying so hard right now

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

okay, okay.

i accept your apology. For being dumb.

carson

thank u

one person has today

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

who else did u piss off?

carson

you still live at the same place

have u eaten

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i moved but not far.

why?

carson

i was gonna send u dinner from that italian place

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Alfredo's Pizza Cafe?

carson

yes maam

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

that would be nice.

do u remember my order?

carson

yes

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

*drops pin*

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

this is where i live now. it's slightly bigger than the old place. i have space to put my shoes finally.

carson

moving on up

it should be there in 10

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

thanks, all i had today was hot chocolate and gum.

carson

why

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you know how i sometimes get an anxious tummy

carson

yeah :/

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah i was feeling queasy

but i'm feelin a little better.

carson

that’s good </3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you don't gotta broken heart emoji about it, really.

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

well i see your broken heart emoji and raise you a *peach emoji*

carson

are u working tonight

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Why?

carson

do you want to grab dinner before?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

are you sure?

carson

yes, no meetings

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

then yeah, okay. I go into work at 7. So whatever time works for you before then probs works for me too.

carson

okay! 5 work?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah that'll be fine, where should i meet u?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I picked a table towards the back I hope that's chill.

carson

yes!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

ok see you in a bit.

[...]

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

is it true.

carson

is what true

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

what sabrina said.

carson

yes

I wish I was dating my king

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

idk what the second part means but that's all i wanted to know. bye.

carson

I just wanted to fix things I never said anything about getting together

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i didn't say i wanted to?

carson

then why are you upset

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

bc i knew something like this would happen but i didn't think it would happen literally the week you came back. i'm blindsided. you could've said something to me last night.

carson

we talked after

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but i still didn't get like a text or anything? i had to find out from the chat as if we didn't decide to work on this. and it feels shitty.

carson

why would you get a text

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

because we were allegedly friends.

and you were gonna be honest with me.

but in any case, it doesn't really matter. i sincerely hope that you're happy. i'm gonna take some space for myself for right now, though.

[bubblegumbi-tch]

GET TO KNOW ME!

I was tagged by the lovely @otsukaresope thank you!(and yes, I copied and pasted yours and changed my answers too)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. (lol you know i’m not tagging that many people)

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Mango Juice 2. Phone call: My dad 3. Text message: My dad again 4. Song you listened to: There Was A Rapper by Dizraeli & the Small Gods 5. Time you cried: looooord I have no idea, I cry all the time.. i think it was like two or three days ago..

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: No 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No 8. Been cheated on: Not that I know of 9. Lost someone special: Hasn’t everyone? 10. Been depressed: I guess 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes, only once, I learned my lesson.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Blue or any variation on it 13. Yellow/Orange 14. Very dark pink/red/purple kinda colour if you know what I mean

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yes, surprisingly 16. Fallen out of love: lol i’ve never even been IN love 17. Laughed until you cried: Probably yeah, i used to do it a lot more than i do now though sadly 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I found out a guy wouldn’t shut up about me because he liked me if that counts.. 19. Met someone who changed you: I don’t think so, no 20. Found out who your friends are: I already knew who my friends are 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yes

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them I’m pretty sure 23. Do you have any pets: Omg, yes! I have two cats, a dog, two budgies, a bearded dragon, a tortoise and two chickens! 24. Do you want to change your name: When I was little me and my best friend went through a phase of wanting to change our names, but of course we never did. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: My family all came to see me and then my parents took me out for a meal in the evening. 26. What time did you wake up: Ugh 7am to pack up from camping and come home, it’s the earliest I’ve been up in ages! 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Messaging my friends and trying to sleep. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Hixtape of course and also to get my flipping uni accommodation confirmation so I can start planning my room! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: About 30 seconds ago, she’s in the kitchen 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I was more confident and sociable (I’m a lot better than I used to be but it’s still something I’m working on!) 31. What are you listening to right now: Nothing, although I’ve been recently rediscovering Yoongi’s mixtape, specifically The Last... It’s making me emo af. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah I know of so many Tom’s 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My menopausal mother (sorry mum) and my over helpful, dithering grandmother (put them both together like now and i want to take a long walk off a short pier)  34. Most visited website: I guess here or youtube

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: A few like flat big freckle ones but none that i would really call moles because they aren’t raised?? How do you even know what’s a mole and what isn’t? 36. Mark/s: oh man my knees are basically made of childhood scars, I also have a big scar on my arm from when i broke it, and various other tiny scars across my body, and a few bits of discolouration on my back from when i got sunburned really badly once 37. Chilhood dream: I wanted to be a vet 38. Hair color: My natural hair colour is like a light mousey brown, but at the moment it’s henna red 39. Long or short hair: uhh short i guess, it’s in a bob that’s grown out a lil 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Not really 41. What do you like about yourself: I like my long, naturally curled eyelashes, and that I am quite an accepting person (at least i like to think i am) 42. Piercings: One in each ear, and my nose 43. Blood type: I have no idea, i tried to find this out before i went to korea as they believe the blood type=personality traits thing, but it seems to be actually quite hard to find out if you don’t already know.. 44. Nickname: Meg, v occasionally Meggie or (if you’re my mother and trying to annoy me) Meggie Moo 45. Relationship status: Single 46. Zodiac: Aries 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV show: Gosh I don’t know anymore, I don’t watch as much tv as i used to. I recently finished binging Skins (uk) though because i never got into it when i was a teenager 49. Tattoos: No, but i would like to get one one day 50. Right or left hand: left handed! (fun fact a lady i used to work with told me this is a sign of the devil and looked at me reproachfully lol) 51. Surgery: No cosmetic surgery, but i broke my arm pretty badly when i was 9 and had to have two surgeries to fix it and i still have a numb section down my right arm to this day from nerve damage! 52. Hair dyed in different colors: I have only ever dyed it red/coppery either with henna or proper dye 53. Sport: man i am the least sporty person you will ever meet! I was pretty good a hockey in school though and i enjoyed tennis and badminton too. 54. There’s no question here so fun fact: I currently have diamond shaped sunburn patches all down my arms from a lace-up armed top i was wearing yesterday, i’m such a fool. 55. Vacation: I would literally love to go anywhere and everywhere in the world, but right now I’m kinda feeling either Hawai’i (blame bts) or Florida 56. Pair of trainers: Do converse count as trainers? Because I live in my converse.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Nothing Right now, but i need to go make myself some lunch.       58. Drinking: Again nothing, someone get me some tea!

59. I’m about to: Go say hi to my grandma who has just turned up, then maybe go over to my dad’s and watch game of thrones with him 60. No question here either so another fun fact: I have hypermobility in some of my limbs, just like Jin does (his wiggly fingers) so my knees bend backwards (i think Jin’s knees do this too actually), which freaks some people out! The downside is apparently it’s awful for my joints, I’m such an old lady! 61. Waiting for: My uni accommodation! 62. Want: So many things, love, money, a job, MY UNI ACCOMMODATION 63. Get married: Eh, maybe if the right person comes along, although i think it will be v different from a traditional type of wedding eg i hate how traditionally the bride is given from man to man and takes the husbands name, I would like to mash our names together to make a cool new name for us both... idk i guess i would just have a more feminist/egalitarian version of a marriage/wedding if i get married. 64. Career: Uuugh I don’t even have a job at the moment, and i doubt i will even when i finish my degree lol oh the hopelessness of adulthood

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs 66. Lips or eyes: Both?? I guess lips if i HAD to choose. 67. Shorter or taller: It doesn’t make a difference to me bc im short as hell anyway so anyone i date it always gonna be taller than me no matter how short they are... 68. Older or younger: i would prefer older but i guess so long as it’s not too much younger i wouldn’t mind so long as they are mentally mature enough. 69. No question here: Then you’re gonna get no answer. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: nice arms i guess 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship preferably, but all i ever seem to get are hook-ups! 73. Troublemaker or hesitant:  I guess troublemaker so long as it’s not damaging

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: Yes 75. Drank hard liquour: Yes 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lost a pair of sunglasses recently.. 77. Turned someone down: Yes 78. Sex in the first date: I haven’t actually properly dated anyone in ages.. 79. Broken someone’s heart: Not that i know of 80. Had your heart broken: Yes, but not by a romantic partner, just a best friend, they can do that too unfortunately.. 81. Been arrested: No although apparently i once when i was 16 i got blackout drunk and started hammering on a police car door (with the policemen inside) and they had to get out and tell my friends to take me home or they would arrest me (im so goddamn embarrassed about that)  82. Cried when someone died: Of course, who doesn’t? 83. Fallen for a friend: No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: i have nothing else to believe in so, YES 85. Miracles: I don’t think so 86. Love at first sight: Again, I don’t think so 87. Santa Claus: Of course, what are you saying?!?!?! 88. Kiss in the first date: Yeah why not if i like them enough 89. Angels: No

OTHER: 90. Current best friend’s name: I don’t think i have just one, but i guess my oldest friend and friends i se the most are Jenny and Hannah 91. Eyecolor: Green/blue/turquoise, it depends on the light (yes im THAT white girl, fight me it’s a thing) 92. Favorite movie: Ah man i couldn’t tell you i just don’t know sorry!

Tagging: @aw-yeah-jimin @grandpa-yoongi @sopehope @seoulsistersopi and i guess anyone else that wants to do it!

[vampirefucker2]

all the queastions btw i love you

I WUV U!!!!!!!!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?uhhhhhhh my irl friend i think2. Are you outgoing or shy?UH!!?????!!!?!?!?!?! both3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?my wonderful boyfriend sorey!!!!!4. Are you easy to get along with?uhh my friendz said ya soo5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?i wouldnt b drunk but ????? idk???6. What kind of people are you attracted to?sorey7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?ya!8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?no one9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?uhhuhhuhuh idk10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?uh sorey probably11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“im gonna take a quick nap wake me when the dryers done”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?not in any order butlo-fi children by wild partypay no mind by madeonno culture by mother motherback to front by early hourseverybody come outside by the pomegranates

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?ya!14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?uhh sometimes??????15. What good thing happened this summer?i got a wonderful beautiful boyfriend who i love very much!!!16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?theres no one to kiss!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?ofc!!!!!!!!!!!!!18. Do you still talk to your first crush?sdfds no i only crushed on him cause other ppl in my class were getting crushes and i wanted to be a Cool Kid19. Do you like bubble baths?ya!20. Do you like your neighbors?uhh never met them but i like their dogs21. What are you bad habits?i pull on my hair and pick at my nails a lot22. Where would you like to travel?netherlands23. Do you have trust issues?ooo ya24. Favorite part of your daily routine?this sounds gay but msgsing sorey25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?uhhh m chest26. What do you do when you wake up?msg my palz n pm sorey27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?idk its fine as it is i think28. Who are you most comfortable around?sorey29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?i think bt it ws complicated30. Do you ever want to get married?well me n sorey r p much already there31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?nope!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?hhh idk i dnt kno much abt any celebs33. Spell your name with your chin.l,ersttg34. Do you play sports? What sports?i h8 sports!!!!!35. Would you rather live without TV or music?tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?ya37. What do you say during awkward silences?\nothing i leave it38. Describe your dream girl/guy?sorey!39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?thrift shop also like any decor store i luv homesense40. What do you want to do after high school?uhh well im there now and im jst working on portfolio41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?nope42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?i jst dont have uch to say bt i also might b depressed u never kno im a suprise!43. Do you smile at strangers?i try to bt only if we accidentally make eye contact44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?SPACE the deep sea is scary45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?sorey46. What are you paranoid about?everything!47. Have you ever been high?no!48. Have you ever been drunk?no!49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?uhhh i dont think so???50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?grey n black i think51. Ever wished you were someone else?uhhh i dnt understand th question 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?2 many things to name one53. Favourite makeup brand?uhsduhfui idk54. Favourite store?homesense55. Favourite blog?ilovemikleo1 hes a cool guy56. Favourite colour?pink! but i also rlly like blue and purple!n red an aaa i cnt pick57. Favourite food? sweets58. Last thing you ate?all dressed chips59. First thing you ate this morning?cherry gummies60. Ever won a competition? For what?i once one a ssb competition @ a friends bday party and normally i suck at smash but the prize was two (2) cosmic brownies and i Wanted them61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?nope!62. Been arrested? For what?i hav not63. Ever been in love? eheh yes64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?didnt happen!65. Are you hungry right now?not rlly66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyahhhhhhhhhh67. Facebook or Twitter?i dnt use either bt twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?twitter tumblr is the devil69. Are you watching tv right now?nope!70. Names of your bestfriends? sorey bt also uhhhhhhhhhhhhhall my friends!!!!!71. Craving something? What?i jst want more chips72. What colour are your towels?they vary cause i have many bt rn yellow72. How many pillows do you sleep with?1.573. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?ya!74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?100000075. Favourite animal?crows n also ravens dont ask me 2 choose76. What colour is your underwear?skipping ths77. Chocolate or Vanilla?vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour?strawberry!79. What colour shirt are you wearing?mahogany80. What colour pants?black81. Favourite tv show?uh!!?!?!?!?!?!?!82. Favourite movie?the secret of kells83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?never seen mean girls 284. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?never seen 21 jump street85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?dont have one86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?dont have one87. First person you talked to today?sorey!88. Last person you talked to today?m in a call bt sorey ws th last person to say smthn89. Name a person you hate?uhhhh i do h8 someone but i cnt say who they r90. Name a person you love?SOREY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE MY BF SO MUCH!!!! and m friends91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?see #8992. In a fight with someone?not atm93. How many sweatpants do you have?like 294. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?2 many95. Last movie you watched?i dont rememberr96. Favourite actress?dont have one97. Favourite actor?dont have one98. Do you tan a lot?no i just burn99. Have any pets?i have a dog!100. How are you feeling?uh?101. Do you type fast?kinda102. Do you regret anything from your past?living103. Can you spell well?no but i thought this said \can you cast a spell well’ and i got excited104. Do you miss anyone from your past?ya .105. Ever been to a bonfire party?nope!106. Ever broken someone’s heart?mayb107. Have you ever been on a horse?ya108. What should you be doing?art109. Is something irritating you right now?not rlly110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?ya111. Do you have trust issues?ya112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?sheep!113. What was your childhood nickname?didnt have one114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?ya!115. Do you play the Wii?yup!116. Are you listening to music right now?nope!117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?ya!!!118. Do you like Chinese food?depends what it is119. Favourite book?haunting violet by alyxandra harvey120. Are you afraid of the dark?sometimes121. Are you mean?i think i am bt ppl say no so uh122. Is cheating ever okay???!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?idk123. Can you keep white shoes clean?sometimes124. Do you believe in love at first sight?mayb125. Do you believe in true love?ya!126. Are you currently bored?a lil bt not rlly127. What makes you happy?sorey!!!! and my friends!!!!!! and vampires……128. Would you change your name?im tryin 2 do it129. What your zodiac sign?cencer130. Do you like subway?its ok131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?ths wouldnt happen bt if it did id ignore it132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?sorey133. Favourite lyrics right now?“im like a bull in a chinda shop knocking off an knock off” frm no culture by mother mother134. Can you count to one million?no i dnt have the patience for that135. Dumbest lie you ever told?uhh idk136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?closedd137. How tall are you?5′5″138. Curly or Straight hair?curly139. Brunette or Blonde?i hav brownish hair bt i like both140. Summer or Winter?summer141. Night or Day?night142. Favourite month?julyy143. Are you a vegetarian?nope!144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?all!145. Tea or Coffee?coffe146. Was today a good day?idk it ws jst ok147. Mars or Snickers?mars148. What’s your favourite quote?uhfdsfuishfui idk149. Do you believe in ghosts?ofc!150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “he was dressed impeccably and properly, no matter the hour”

[warwidowed-a]

here are my collective thoughts on my first listen at b.andstand on broadway. a lot of comparisons are gonna be made to papermill just because i’ve been listening to it for like six months straight waiting for this transfer, so it’s the version i’m used to. this post is NOT spoiler free, by the way. alright, let’s do it.

opening/just like it was before:

totally new arrangement from what it was at papermill, but i still really like the song

lyrical similarities right off the bat to ‘right this way’

“i’d like a good nights sleep, is that too much to ask?”

“the cream always rises” hmmmm, i see what y’all did there (see: donny novitski)

“you talk in your sleep” “i should have warned ya”

why is this score so lit

“if i can’t play, then what’s the point of making it back home?” have i mentioned today i love donald novitski because i feel like at this point i need to say that

that last harmonizing note fuck fuck fuck

donny novitski:

pretty much entirely the same as papermill

donny has some serious animosity at frank sinatra

i like hearing this song with the full orchestra though it’s lit

“donny needs something to block all the memories and break his insomnia spell” again, hello, i love donald novitski thanks

corey cott could kill someone with that last note his vibratto is killer

scene before i know a guy:

“we’re not open yet” “your back door is”

THEY GAVE NATE HOPKINS APPLAUSE AFTER HIS SAX SOLO I’M SCREAMING

i still can’t believe they call michael ‘rubber’ through most of this show

i know a guy:

the “drivin’ me nuts’ joke is still hilarious

JIMMY YOU SKINNY SON OF A BITCH

why is nick radel me

“how do you miss a b flat? it’s a b flat trumpet!”

THAT LITTLE JUST LIKE IT WAS BEFORE REPRISE

why did they skim wayne and johnny shy though like we got full scenes with davy, nick, and jimmy why not them too??

ain’t we proud:

still a catchy song but not one of my favs

NICK GOT APPLAUSE AFTER THEIR SOLOS HECK

corey fucking cott teaching himself piano for this show and you wouldn’t have even guessed what a fucking champ

post-ain’t be proud, pre-who i was:

i love johnny simpson more than anything in this life i will choose his happiness over mine every time

“how much slower will you get, will they put you in reverse” FUCK

you can hear johnny mumbling “sunday.... sunday” before he asks what day of the week is sunday i swear to god i would die for him

“the high balls are on me” “i don’t get it” “well see, griaffes are really tall”

“how bad was it?” “friendly fire got him” “were you the friend?” what kind O F FUCKING FORESHADOWING

“aren’t you a little old for ding dong ditch” julia,,,,,, julia,,,,,,,

i don’t like that they have that interlude and have julia invite him over a different day instead of just inviting him in right away. i feel like that could be cut out honestly

“i just want to know what happened” “what will that get you?” “i don’t know, sleeping through the night? closing a chapter? maybe just getting out the door?” juliaaaaaaa i’m a fucking wreck it’s fine

who i was:

AHHH I LOVE HEARING THIS SONG WITH THE FULL ORCHESTRA

the dinner scene:

“you look pretty” “well, turns out there’s better cosmetics than cake flour” Me: Fucking Squints(tm)

MRS ADAMS USED TO PLAY THE PIANO

THE DEVILED EGGS

“the top of the paprika shaker fell off” i’m

oh shit since they took donny’s parents out of the beginning number from papermill, his mom died when he was thirteen

julia crying while they go through the pictures i’m fine

JULIA ENOUGH WITH THE  CON DOM JOKES

“your daughter’s voice is beautiful, it’s really high” my god donny

just like it was before (reprise):

the chorus of “donny no” and “what are you doing?” from julia and wayne when he tells julia to come sing with them i’m shrieking

“wait, i gotta transpose” JOHNNY

first steps first:

it’s a bit different than what it was but gd i’d still die for laura osnes’ voice

“no need to be so shy, take reassurance i know how to guide you through the worst steps, first steps first” uh more foreshadowing re: donny

“why don’t you kick it up” “oh, thank god” DAVY

oooh yeah i like this new arrangement

“you want a drink?” “oh i hardly ever drink” “you wanna trade livers” davy please

“the best i could hope is to teach the kids choir at church” “DON’T. TEACH.” i love nick sm 

JULIA ASKING ABOUT WAYNE’S KIDS I’M SOBBING OH MY G OD

JULIA TROJAN IS THE LIGHT OF THIS ENTIRE WORLD AND I WOULD DIE FOR HER

their names are emily and grady btw 

“as far as i’m concerned i’m one of the lucky ones” “yes you are, you made it home” “no, lucky i don’t remember” again, i would die for johnny simpson too

god damn julia’s voice is so soft and sweet i’m dying. the voice laura uses is even softer than her ella voice i just wanna hug her

heck they kept the “parents warn their kids about people like you” line god bless

“oh a wise cracker! you might be watching too many pictures” uh ya did you not get the “avid cinephile” line, donny?

“i don’t need to be rescued” ur goD DAMN RIGHT JULIA

“i’ll give it a thought but there are a lot of things i want to know about michael” “first steps first” oh fuck i see what y’all did there

breathe:

“stop touching my stuff with your sweaty hands” this is literally a band full of five year olds

??? this song doesn’t really do anything ???

they could easily cut this song tbh

it’s pretty much just like them rehearsing for you deserve it

you deserve it:

DID YOU MEAN MY FUCKING JAM SECOND ONLY TO ‘NOBODY’? YEP

this song didn’t change pretty much at all and it’s still a bop

CAUSE WHEN YOU GOT THE CALL YOU STOOD UP PROUD AND TALL AND YOU DESERVE IT

post-you deserve it/pre-love will come and find me again:

donny and julia bonding over music i’m shook

“michael is buried in some place called manila, i'll never get to manila, i never got to say goodbye. a lot of things just vanish with not explanation and i wanna know. if-if he was in pain, i wanna know how his hands were folded in the casket and if-if his uniform was pressed and his hair was combed right and a million other things that keep me up at night” i’m sobbing 

julia takes no shit and i love her so much

“i survived mustard gas and pepper spray, i guess that makes me a seasoned veteran” davy’s jokes oh my god

JULIA BREAKING UP THE FIGHT BETWEEN DONNY AND NICK

“WALK ME HOME, DONNY, COME ON”

awwww julia’s poem

“don’t stay up all night reading them, get some sleep” “eh, gave up on that a long time ago” :////

THE LITTLE REPRISE OF WHO I WAS

“when i lost him it broke my soul. who knew my voice could be one part of the whole? well... perhaps someone does” fuck

“gershwin’s got nothing on you” MRS ADAMS 

“i’ll stay up all night, i’m good at that” again i’m ://///////

love will come and find me again:

laura osnes could step on me and i’d thank her

nothing has changed with this song but fuck it’s so good

right this way:

“bayer-FUCKING-asprin”

holy fuck this song might just win corey cott a tony nomination

ACT TWO

nobody:

AKA MY FUCKIN JAM AGAIN

literally the same nothing changed it’s still a bop

NICK ASKING WAYNE TO MOVE IN W/ HIM

“I JUST GOT A LIVE IN MAID” JFC

i got a theory:

LAURA ON THE UKE

nothing much changed with this song either tbh

JIMMY’S GAY AND HE LITERALLY WATCHED HIS BF DIE WHEN HIS SHIP EXPLODED FUCK THIS SHOW

i said it probably like twice already but i love johnny simpson

julia still having her moment of trying to convince davy to stop drinking ://///

post-i got a theory:

“was it quick? did he suffer? was he trying to save someone?” “you don’t wanna know”  “for a year and a half it’s all i’ve wanted to know. was he scared? what was the last thing he said? were his eyes open?” AND D ONNY SNAPS AT HER IM “

JUST STOP IT”

“i’m still waiting”

oh myg od

they changed michael’s entire death 

donny had accidentally dropped a grenade while they were in a trench and couldn’t find it. he tried to tell michael to get out and he didn’t make it and fuck he’s crying telling this to julia what the fuck has this show done to me

everything happens:

“IT WAS HIS FAULT” JULIA JULIA JU L I  A

i love mrs adams so much

what would julia have done without her

welcome home:

JULIA AND MICHAEL LITERALLY MET IN HIGH SCHOOL DOING THEATRE FUCK ME UP

“you know the first thing he said to me? don’t sing because you need to get the lead, sing because you just need to sing. you know what he said next? the girl who got the lead stuffs her bra with so much kleneex, one cigarette act and she’ll go up” no wonder julia wrote poetry for this guy he was smooth as FUCK

“stop picking up my clothes, if i wanted them in the drawer, i’d put them in the drawer” nick relax

donny singing welcome home i’m in tears

HE ENCOURAGES HER TO WRITE WELCOME HOME AS A LOVE SONG IF MICHAEL HAD COME HOME FUCK THIS ENTIRE SHOW

“sometimes i just think, maybe the wrong guy came home” again, fuck this entire show

a band in new york city:

THE GUYS AT THE VA PAID FOR THEIR TRIP SO PURE

this song is still a bop too

this is life:

idk i like this song but i think i almost prefer “give me a reason”

this also hasn’t changed at all from when they sang it at broadwaycon

but holy fuck do corey and laura sound incredible together

welcome home (reprise):

jimmy campbell: the real hero

“we came, we saw, we said fuck it” DAVY IS ME

THIS IS LIFE REPRISE FUCK F UCK FUCK

WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU JULIA IS TRUE. NO MATTER HOW TOUGH IT IS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME IT TAKES, I NEED TO BE WITH YOU. AND THAT IS TRUE.

I’M SERIOUSLY HOPING THAT THE CROWD CHEERING IS BECAUSE THEY KISSED BECAUSE FUCK YOU GUYS I’M CRYING THAT WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN JUST THE “I LOVE YOU JULIA TROJAN” FROM PAPERMILL HE WAS LITERALLY CRYING AND I’M LITERALLY CRYING

the lyrics changed a bit to welcome home and it still breaks my heart

finale:

awwwww sweet betsy oh my god

donny inviting her and her family backstage to meet her father who served i’m sobbing it’s fine

it’s literally just a reprise of nobody oh god

it could have been a little longer but !!!!!!

okay, so overall holy shit. a lot changed from papermill. dialogue, songs, you name it. i think the book needs a little re-writing and there are a lot of pointless interludes between scenes that could be cut but!!!!!!! holy fuck overall i love it so much. i can’t wait until we get a video boot i need to see this choreography and ESPECIALLY this is life and before welcome home

[babymyharry]

92 truths

i was tagged by @adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy & @fairylightsstyles !! love u binches 💘✨

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, you choose 25 people to tag! (lol yikes i’m a loser on here so idk abt that)

THE LAST… 
1. Drink: to be real with u i don’t drink much and when i do it’s at high school parties but i did try a lemon drop when i was in europe last summer and my cousin sneaked me in to a club & it was pretty above average 🤔 but ig the last “drink” was a coke w coconut (idk either??) vodka and that was a wild night lmao

2. Phone call: my (kinda) mans?

3. Text message: my friend chris

4. Song you listened to: wild thoughts 😛😛

5. Time you cried: uhm i think it was wednesday it was v dramatic

HAVE YOU EVER… 
6. Dated someone twice: this dude in middle school lmao we dated for like a hot minute in 6th grade and then rekindled our love on the class trip in eighth grade aw young love

7. Been cheated on: yeah:/

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: truth or dare games fuckin suck

9. Lost someone special: my grandma was my best friend and i didn’t talk to anyone for a solid month when she passed

10. Been depressed: when i had anorexia but that was a pretty long time ago so :)

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah blackout drunk doesn’t sound appealing

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: 
12. lilac

13. forest green

14. gold

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 
15. Made new friends: yes lmao i dropped so many friends last year so i had to make more AND my groupchat homies that i luv dearly

16. Fallen out of love: yes

17. Laughed until you cried: i surround myself with good vibes so yes many times

18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh my god rumors spread faster than wildfire at my school yes

19. Met someone who changed you: changed me? i guess they made me a better person but idk about changing me

20. Found out who your true friends are: my friend group collapsed last year and i figured out who was still around after that

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: who uses facebook anymore

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i deleted my facebook like freshmen year so ?¿

23. Do you have any pets: oh my god 3 dogs and 2 cats it’s like a zoo of fluff at my house

24. Do you want to change your name: nah i’m cool

25. What did you do for your last birthday: my friend max threw me a surprise party and it got wayyyy too lit to be honest

26. What time did you wake up: today i woke up at 6 to see the sunrise bc my kinda mans has a balcony in his room with a good ass view for that

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping lmao i’m a grandma

28. Name something you cannot wait for: my shawn concert!!!

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: tonight when she exposed me so i’m currently not speaking w her lmao

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: maybe if my parents could be home more, they’re not really around much sometimes and that kinda sucks

31. What are you listening to right now: this weird ass netflix movie that my little cousin is forcing me to watch bc nash grier is in it kill me now

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my friend abigail’s dad’s name is tom and lemme tell u he’s lowkey a dilf 🤔👀

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: this netflix movie it’s so cringe

34. Most visited website: snapchat i think??

35. Elementary: worst 8 years of my life

36. High School: finally almost done

37. College/university: im going lmao

38. Hair colour: blonde

39. Long or short hair: my hair was down to my butt and i just chopped it all off (yes, i pulled a harry styles) to my shoulders to donate and i honestly really like it short!!

40. Do you have a crush on someone: :-)

41. What do you like about yourself: i think i’m a pretty nice and chill person like i’m totally bragging here but i was voted funniest and nicest junior this year for the yearbook and like :D that’s just a nice feeling and it was validated !!

42. Piercings: technically two on both ears and when i was 15 i let my boyfriend’s (now ex boyfriend lol) older brother’s friend pierce my nose bc i wanted to piss my dad off but i don’t wear anything in it anymore so

43. Blood type: o negative actually!!

44. Nickname: a looootttt of my friends call me aj (like more than my actual name) and then some just call me manda but yeah aj is the most nickname outa those so

45. Relationship status: i’m a fuckboy man idk what’s going on

46. Zodiac sign: cancer

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: criminal minds omgggg how do you become a screen writer bc i have some dope ideas for that show lemme tell you

49. Tattoos: none but i wanna get some!!

50. Right or left hand: righty

FIRST… 
51. Surgery: spinal fusion man it succckkkeedd

52. Piercing: ears

54. Sport: i started ballet when i was 3 idk if that counts but

55. Vacation: my aunt and uncle’s lake house in montana

56. Pair of trainers: they were these cute little adidas there’s sooo many pics of me in those

57. Eating: that di… plz excuse me lmfao but nah i’m actually eating watermelon :-)

58. Drinking: water 💦

59. I’m about to: jump off a building bc i was exposed tonight by my very own parents 👍🏼

60. Listening to: now me and my little cousin are watching captain america (only bc i saw andrea’s post and decided to try it idk why i trust trash but im)

61. Waiting for: my trust issues to choke

62. Want: mozzarella sticks idk

63. Get married: yeah one day

64. Career: something in film so like cinematography or directing or just something creative like that 😋

YOUR TYPE… 
65. Hugs or kisses: depends on who it is ya feel

66. Lips or eyes: eyes definitely

67. Shorter or taller: well like.. boys fs taller but girls idc ?¿

68. Older or younger: older bc immaturity is a turn off

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: not to make everything about harold but he’s just got the perf body to me like toned arms and a soft tummy.. yes please

71. Sensitive or loud: i mean they gotta be both in certain situations but overall i guess loud

72. Hook up or relationship: i’m a fucking mess i have trust issues AND commitment issues so like.. both make death appealing

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker fs

HAVE YOU EVER… 
74. Kissed a stranger? again, truth or dare games suck

75. Drank hard liquor? once but it was at this rich white boy’s house and i deadass felt like he snuck it from his grandpa’s stash to get it and i was like ?¿ 🌚

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: i don’t wear them so

77. Turned someone down: i curve like 90% of the dudes hitting me up like boys are just annoying tbh

78. Sex on first date: i mean my virginal self would not kno but i have made out with a couple guys at parties or whatever so

79. Broken someone’s heart: yes and i’m not sorry lmao

80. Had your heart broken: it’s awful man yeah

81. Been arrested: totally came close one time bc ig someone called the cops on the party i was at and police showed up and my freshmen ass ran so fast bitch i was usain bolt deadass

82. Cried when someone died: oh yeah

83. Fallen for a friend: i mean it was mutual but unfortunately

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
84. Yourself: i do

85. Miracles: i think some crazy things can happen that make ppl value that particular thing a lot more but idk about miracles

86. Love at first sight: lust at first sight* bc u cant be in love with someone’s outer appearance without knowing what they’re like as a person

87. Santa Claus: a very small part of me

88. Kiss on the first date: why not

89. Angels: definitely

OTHER… 
90. Current best friend’s name: kelsey

91. Eye colour: blue

92. Favourite movie: the devil wears prada always 🗣

imma tag @ihearthemcallingxx @stylessemantics @honeyskins @moonchildstyles @hardliquorhaz @nips-and-tats @iloveyouhaz @inwhichitrytowritesomething @jadexthirlwalls @tiostyles (idk if any of u have already done this omg sry)

[thatfangirlingdepressedkid]

1-150

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

my boyfriend

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

im outgoing if you dont know me, shy if you have actually taken the time to get to know me

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

prince harry. dont ask questions.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

depends who you are

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i hope so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

green haired gays

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

“platonic? hell not platonic.” so like lets keep it that way? but tbh idk

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

hm. im non binary. oops? but like the only person on my mind rn is my boyfriend so like that counts right?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha no.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my boyfriend

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“right i forgot” typical me

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

“this is gospel” by P!ATD, “bullet” by hollywood undead, “pierre” by ryn weaver, “nicotine” P!ATD, “girls/girls/boys” by P!ATD

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YES YES YES YES YES YES.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

*shrugs* why wouldn’t I?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i met a guy who walked in on me changing. we are now dating.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yep

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

would be pretty cool if there were so yeah sure why not

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

actually i just came out to him as gay. 99.999999% sure that it was just a crush to make my parents believe i was straight. 

19. Do you like bubble baths?

not really

20. Do you like your neighbors?

i dont have neighbours. like all the houses next to me are just sold and/or being torn down

21. What are you bad habits?

biting my nails. for sure. jesus christ im terrible i legit have the shortest nails

22. Where would you like to travel?

literally absolutely everywhere

23. Do you have trust issues?

of course

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

getting on tumblr

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

HAIR. MY FUCKING HAIR. and my chest. BUT LIKE MY HAIR GOD DAMN

26. What do you do when you wake up?

what is this “sleep” you speak of

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker. jesus christ i am fucking bleached

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my boyfriend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

heh heh heh heh ex’s? what are those?

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yeah

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. yes. unfortunately, it is.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

brendon urie, katherine langford

33. Spell your name with your chin.

ummmmmmmmmm come again?

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

dance. dance. dance. dance. and more dance.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without TV for sure

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

ahahahahahahahahaha of fucking course like who hasnt

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

this is usually what goes down:

heh heh heh *pulls out phone* *pulls at ponytail*

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

my boyfriend. hands down.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

if i started typing now, i would be here until i died

40. What do you want to do after high school?

take a gap year. after that, i have no fucking idea

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

depends on what they did

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

all the emotions are just too much

or

im in love with you

or

friend crush much?

or

EMOTIONS

43. Do you smile at strangers?

ahahahahahahaha what is this “smiling” you speak of?

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space cause space is cool and actually currently possible to get to

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

boyfriend. feflix. thea. OH AND GETTING AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. but mostly my boyfriend.

46. What are you paranoid about?

the real question is, what am i not paranoid about?

47. Have you ever been high?

*silence*

48. Have you ever been drunk?

heh heh heh heh moving on

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yup

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

red

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

all the time

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

HAIR. MY FUCKING HAIR. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

elf cause im slightly broke, but tarte tho wait but like nyx ungh everything at sephora

54. Favourite store?

sephora

55. Favourite blog?

yes.

56. Favourite colour?

i have this thing where im afraid that if i choose a favourite colour i’ll hurt all the other colours feelings.

57. Favourite food?

ANOREXIA.

58. Last thing you ate?

ANOREXIA.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

ANOREXIA.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

dance dance dance dance dance more dance

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nah

63. Ever been in love?

yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

we were walking to his house and he had been telling me that he had the urge to kiss me for like a couple days at that point and i told him that if he finished the rice krispie square that he could kiss me. then he did. 3 days later we were in a relationship.

65. Are you hungry right now?

ANOREXIA.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

whats the difference?

67. Facebook or Twitter?

tumblr.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

does netflix count? im always watching netflix.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

feflix and thea

71. Craving something? What?

chocolate. being a fucking female tho jesus christ kill me please

72. What colour are your towels?

i have a lot of fucking towels like beyond belief. mostly white.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

like 12

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…maybe

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

i cant count that high

75. Favourite animal?

*shrugs* never really thought about it…wait jokes unicorns. cause gay.

76. What colour is your underwear?

rn? white

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

um female so chocolate rn

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

chocolate. im basic ik

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

greys anatomy or the fosters

82. Favourite movie?

pride, tomboy, or the imitation game

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

he cannot be named. he’s just too gay to function.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dory

87. First person you talked to today?

feflix

88. Last person you talked to today?

my mom

89. Name a person you hate?

JAYDEN, NEVE, NOA, ANTONIA, LITERALLY EVERYONE BUT MY BEST FRIENDS AND MY BOYFRIEND IM JUST A PERSON FULL OF HATE IM SORRY

90. Name a person you love?

my sister

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

*sighs* you’re making me pick just one?

92. In a fight with someone?

define “fight”

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

dance = literally only owning leggings and sweats

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

too many

95. Last movie you watched?

tfios

96. Favourite actress?

ellen page

97. Favourite actor?

benedict cumberbatch

98. Do you tan a lot?

yeah

99. Have any pets?

nope

100. How are you feeling?

terrible

101. Do you type fast?

yep

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

so much

103. Can you spell well?

ive been told that i can spell well. but its weird cause i cant read out loud well. which usually means that you cant spell well. dyslexia yay

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

beyond belief

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

not that i can recall?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes and i was fucking terrified

108. What should you be doing?

math hw

109. Is something irritating you right now?

yes.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

*glances back at my boyfriend* yep

111. Do you have trust issues?

I ALREADY SAID YES WHAT IS THIS MADNESS

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

does like almost weeping count? cause if so like my boyfriend a couple months back. i cry alone. always.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

d…feflix is going to read this. nvm.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

all the time

115. Do you play the Wii?

used to

116. Are you listening to music right now?

when am i not?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yeah

119. Favourite book?

currently? binge by tyler oakley

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes

121. Are you mean?

depends who you are

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NEVER. EVER.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

if i try hard enough

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

1000%

125. Do you believe in true love?

1000%

126. Are you currently bored?

tumblr.

127. What makes you happy?

my boyfriend

128. Would you change your name?

probably not? its just become a part of me

129. What your zodiac sign?

pieces

130. Do you like subway?

yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

“im like really fucking gay but like okay cool you do you” *continues trying to steal your phone*

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my boyfriend

im pretty sure i answered this

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“drank with the devil and forgot my name”

134. Can you count to one million?

ungh i could if i tried hard enough but like ungh effort

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

“trust me. im a straight girl”

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′0″ tiny and adorable.

138. Curly or Straight hair?

straight.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

green

140. Summer or Winter?

summer

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

february

143. Are you a vegetarian?

nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

coffee

146. Was today a good day?

not really…scratch that…nope!

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“okay? okay.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yep

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“I often hated myself and tried to talk myself back into starving, but those days because fewer and father between, the longer i worked toward recovery.”