#or like a modern magic au but not overtly

[huxkisser]

just had an idea for a fluffy modern kylux au where kylo and hux are married and move into a little suburban house with their cat millicent. kylo has worked through a lot of his issues and is on better terms w his family, and hux has been healing from his own childhood trauma w years of support and therapy. they both have good jobs they enjoy and a good group of friends, and hux is the happiest he’s ever been.

but he still feels this hole in his chest whenever he thinks abt his mother. he never knew her, and brendol had told him that she had left because she didn’t want to be around hux. hux had believed it growing up but eventually came to realise that a lot of the things brendol told him weren’t true, and that his birth mother had probably fallen victim to brendol’s abuse herself.

and so despite how content he is he always has this strange mixture of sadness and curiosity sitting at the back of his mind. and the feeling only weighs on him further when he sees his husband and mother in law interacting. he loves leia of course, but he can’t shake the nagging feeling of wondering what his own mother would be like, if she would extend the same fondness and warmth to him that leia does.

one day not long after moving into their new home millie decides to explore the neighbourhood. hux, exasperated, goes looking for her, and finds her in the garden of a quiet yet polite older woman with greying red hair and sad but soft eyes.

[koeiasequoia]

Stature, motion, road, armor, bling, hair for whoever you choose!

*cracks knuckles* time to invent a modern Audra AU already. Something something modern day vampire, is working for/is the child of "Godwyn the Golden" as one of his Death Knights (personal guards and private military type thing). Godwyn while being a vampire is very public facing, runs a huge business(not sure what kind) all to fund the other part of his business, the acquisition of and protection of objects/relics/entities/information/sometimes taking out targets/etc that would make his particular group of vampires more powerful and more protected, willing to work with anyone (at least in private) to accomplish that. Audra also, generally (both in ER and modern) does not give a shit about gender, theyre "far too dead to give a damn", call them whatever pronouns you want, and they will dress and present how they want. (Also yes Audra still had lightning magic)

Stature - What's your OC's body type? How tall are they? Do they wear clothing to accentuate their look or do they try to mask it?

Fit, not overtly super buff, but muscular. About 6'5". The clothing they wear is mostly to afford them full range of motion while still looking nice, whether that be suits/dresses/casual clothes (though they do indulge in dressing in more normal clothes from time to time, rather than keep up the refined appearance a vampire, and guard to Godwyn one would expect, it's a guilty pleasure)

Motion - How does your OC move? How does their clothing help or hinder their range of motion? Are they flexible, coordinated, clumsy?

Audra moves with purpose, every step calculated to get them where they need to be, and to the destination they seek, whether that be a physical place, or with their claws in your chest. They are exceptionally coordinated, each step, even in combat feeling intentional, almost graceful at times.

Road - What does your OC wear while traveling? Do they have high-quality equipment, or are they making do? What does their gear look like?

Depends on the travel. Business or food/hunting or pleasure? Business depends on whether it's being a guard for Godwyn, or accomplishing a mission. Food/hunting, they'd likely forgo modern clothing in favor of things they used to wear (besides their armor) yknow old vampire clothing, refined and macabre. *pure* pleasure, not caring about any eyes on them... sleeveless hoodie, tank top, shorts/capris. And yes no matter the situation, their clothing is WELL taken care of and high quality

Armor - What kind of armor does your OC wear? Is it well kept? Bonus: where does it come from? Is there a story behind it?

So, technically they have two sets of armor. The old armor they don't wear anymore, basically just a cleaned up/complete/full version of the Death Knight set from ER. Aaaaand the more, modern... tactical/military/black-ops kinda stuff (yes, their modern stuff still has a full skull mask), we do not know much about modern stuff so, apologies for being vague X3. Both sets are well kept and well maintained, with Audra even stitching up any rips or tears when they aren't in combat. As for where they came from, well they've been alive for a LONG time, and have been leader of the Death Knights as both a knight, and in this more modern age where knights aren't around. They've needed armor always, and it's been graciously provided by their benefactor and lord

Bling - What jewelry does your OC wear? Does it have any meaning?

Not much honestly, mostly just a pin/badge, it's, it's just the symbol for the dragon cult incants in ER lmao, black and bright and shiny gold with a ruby lightning stake (pics for example, the real thing would be fully colored obviously lol)

Hair - How does your OC wear their hair? Does it have some kind of meaning?

Partially braided, ending about halfway down in a loose ponytail, often worn over one shoulder. Not really any meaning, we just thought it'd look cool XP

[greypetrel]

1, 9, 11 from the pride asks for any/all your blorbos (or, if you don't wanna decide, your main girls) c:

No no let's do them all! Thanks for asking! :D

Tis the prompt list (Please ask me others I have a wip wednesday at the ready but glaze won't process it and I'm grumpy)

1. What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

Alyra, Aisling, Garrett: CIS. Aisling doesn't care very much, but she tends not to be super-comfortable with overtly feminine presentation out of them being less practical and allowing her to move less. In the modern AU she'd be BUGGED by purses and will hate them to bits, must have both hands free. Garrett also will like to experiment with gender. I can picture him playing with corsets and why not, wearing skirts. "It's so comfy and fresh!". He really doesn't care.

Raina: Non-binary. She is comfortable in her body (beside periods, she'll get gladly rid of her uterus), will use she/her as pronouns... But will be much bugged by presenting herself as feminine or fully masculine. Long hair and dresses made her feel ill at ease with her own body and herself, but she likes makeup. She doesn't like the definitions of both genders and won't recognize herself into either fully.

Radha: Agender. Will say that gender is a social construct and are just identities people like to attribute themselves, and she isn't convinced in the concept as a whole. Won't choose any for herself, she's just "her". Uses she/her for commodity and habit.

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

Aisling: She internalised, in canon, a little bit too much her gender and sexuality, because of the social pressure in having children on her own, eventually, to pass her magic on. She never really questioned it because she felt like she had to perform and be feminine enough to be a mother one day. In all the other AUs she experimented much more with sexuality and gender expression. She had a brief butch phase in the DadWolf AU, it lasted little because she doesn't really like herself with too short hair.

11. Is your oc open about their identity? Are they more lowkey or more blunt about it? Why or why not?

Alyra: It's her own damn business, why would you like to know? She's open, but she will tell you only if she has a reason for it and question your motivations if you insist on asking her. Why would you need to know, just because? Being pan and poly is the first thing she says to people she's interested into, tho. She likes all the cards on the table. Raina: It was a problem growing up and caused bitterness between her and Leandra, so no, she won't be open about it as a first instinct. She doesn't act to make it a mistery, particularly when Merrill is around, but she won't go around in lesbian flags. Garrett: He's on top of the Pride cart, painted in glitters in the colours of the bisexual flag and throwing pink, purple and blue flowers at the crowd, singing Born This Way at the top of his lungs. Yes he's open look at his boyfriend isn't he the cutest. Aisling: Pretty open about it, doesn't find anything weird in it. Yeah sure she's bi, what about it? Will wear pins and go to the pride all dressed in blue purple and pink. Radha: She doesn't like to be perceived in general so no. She's just vibing, doesn't like labels. Will admit she's agender, but asexual? Only with HIGH approval and with a reason. Particularly she'd be closed about it with (older) elves she doesn't know, to avoid the "pass the magic gene on". She's happy in being an aunt and spoil her nephews, her notebook is filled with their drawings and that's it, thank you.

[bakuliwrites]

M6 and Sexy Keepsakes

Here's a little headcanon of some sultry little keepsakes that I think the M6 would keep on them when they are away from MC. Spicy, of course. 18+, Minors DNI!

An enchanted necklace MC helped craft for him that sends delightful tingles through his body when he caresses it. He and MC made matching necklaces together. They combined their powers to imbue it with deeply personal magic. The process of creating it was intensely intimate, involving a union of both the physical and metaphysical.

The necklace is fairly subtle in the way it looks, made of moonstone and citrine. The crystals hang on an antique bronze chain that dips low under the collar of his shirt. It pulses a gentle, familiar energy where it rests against his heart. Whenever he travels, he makes sure to wear it. He feels joyously flustered when he remembers the day he and MC created it. He likes to relive that memory a lot.

Asra makes sure to wear the necklace every time he communicates with MC via his water skype (I saw someone call it that once and that's honestly the only way I can think of it now, haha). MC's matching necklace has a magical connection to Asra's, which the two can certainly have some fun with...

An erotic letter MC wrote her. It's spritzed with a bit of MC's cologne/perfume, and the sensual words it contains is enough to make even the most stoic of individuals blush.

Nadia keeps it stowed safely away in a secret compartment of one of her pieces of luggage. She pulls it out when she's by herself in her quarters, lonely in whatever palace she's traveled to for her diplomatic missions. It renders even her eloquent tongue speechless. She tries to picture what MC was doing just before they wrote the letter. The thought often distracts her during meetings.

One evening, Nadia decides to act out a few things that MC wrote in the letter, and then write a response to MC describing everything she felt and all the delightfully naughty things she can't wait to do to MC when she gets home...

A tasteful pinup photo/drawing (depending on if you want a modern AU or not) of MC on the inside lid of his compass. MC bought the compass for him at the market, surprising him with it one morning with the pinup already taped to the inside. Julian keeps the compass on his person at all times.

Ooooo boy, does it give Julian a thrill every time he opens up the compass to confirm the direction he's traveling. In fact, it's more than a bit distracting. He thinks its quite daring and deliciously risque of MC for gifting him such a thing. A roguish smile always forms on his lips when he catches a glimpse of it. Sometimes, he'll pull it out of his pocket when he has a quiet moment, just to stare at it.

Julian slips away with it, propping it up on his bedside table while he enjoys some much needed alone time. He likes to imagine MC showing up out of the blue on whatever ship he's sailing on, dressed in the very lingerie they wear in their photo/drawing. He's antsy to return home to them...

MC's perfume/cologne on a kerchief. It's just a simple, white kerchief with MC's initials embroidered in blue on one corner. But it smells so delightfully of them.

Portia keeps it tucked in her undershirt and, while it's not overtly sensual per say, she can't help but feel a bit of excitement every time she brings it to her nose. Keeping it close to her means it smells like her and MC combined, reminding her of the sultry activities the two of them get up to when they're together. There's an impish twinkle in her eyes every time she pulls it out.

Portia eventually reciprocates the gesture and leaves behind a floral handkerchief for MC. She hopes it brings them as much comfort and pleasure as theirs does to her. She also leaves behind a mischievous little note that's sure to thrill MC, describing all the things she thinks of when she smells their pleasant scent...

A figurine of MC, that MC modeled for. MC had to beg and plead for Muriel to make one of himself for them. Finally he acquiesced.

The figurine itself is not especially detailed, but it holds the memory of the day MC posed for it. It was in the privacy of Muriel's hut, MC draped across the furs in front of the fireplace, eyes dark and cheeks flushed. This felt like such a momentous, intimate moment for Muriel. A moment where he could let his guard down, and MC could let theirs down, too. The two of them took a number of breaks in the process to blow off some steam.

Whenever MC is away, he pulls the figurine from his pocket and blushes a deep red. His heart flutters with the memory of that afternoon. He hopes MC hurries home, so maybe they can pose for him once again. And perhaps do a bit more together...

MC's underwear and truly the raunchiest photo/painting he could possibly take of MC. He's already got a million paintings of the two of them, hanging in the palace, mostly kept away in his private quarters. But this one is *extra* special and *extra* spicy.

In true form to Lucio, he keeps both the photo and the undergarment on his person at all times while traveling. He's not especially careful with where he pulls out the photo, but tries to keep it as hidden as possible. He finds it thrilling to whip it out in spaces where anyone could walk in while he's looking at it. But he also wants to respect MC's privacy and tries to be careful.

The underwear is MC's best pair. Lucio hides it in an inner pocket of his blazer. He only pulls it out when he's alone in his bedroom (or has guaranteed privacy elsewhere) and when he's in a *mood* (which is rather often). He's left behind a portrait for MC and a pair of his finest, as well (a silky crimson number with his gilded name embroidered across the ass). He hopes they get as much enjoyment out of his gifts for them as he gets out of their gifts for him.

[inclineto]

Books, May - June 2021

Tess of the Road - Rachel Hartman [dnf]

A River of Stars - Vanessa Hua

The Sealed Letter - Emma Donoghue

Giant Bones - Peter S. Beagle

Moominsummer Madness - Tove Jansson *

The Beacon at Alexandria - Gillian Bradshaw *

The Phantom Tollbooth - Norton Juster *

Libertie - Kaitlyn Greenidge 

Stay - Nicola Griffith

Four Lost Cities: A Secret History of the Urban Age - Annalee Newitz [Thoroughly enjoyable, but also the sort of pop archaeology book where things like this happen repeatedly, and I’m sorry, but I laughed: “And then, as if by magic, the eminent University of Cambridge archaeologist Andrew Wallace-Hadrill appeared.” (As far as the narrative admits, they did not have an appointment; while they were wandering around Pompeii, collecting information about his speciality, he was wandering around Pompeii, happy to be encountered and become a source.)]

Teach Me - Olivia Dade

The Address Book: What Street Addresses Reveal About Identity, Race, Wealth, and Power - Deirdre Mask

We Are Watching Eliza Bright - A.E. Osworth [“I am not going to read the gamergate novel,” I said, “and especially not when it’s using 1st person plural MFA POV half of the time,” but then I voyeuristically devoured the gamergate novel which is, really, its point: “We are obsessed with what goes on where we can’t see it.”] *

Ivory Apples - Lisa Goldstein [what the hell?!? no.]

The Future of Another Timeline - Annalee Newitz

The Scarlet Seed - Edith Pargeter [the scenes that made me cry as a child still make me cry now, and that’s rather nice]

The Perilous Life of Jade Yeo - Zen Cho [Five books later, I’m prepared to admit that Zen Cho and I aligned for one glorious novel and some related characters (Sorcerer to the Crown; Rollo & Aunt Georgiana), and I’m mostly indifferent to everything else, but I keep trying because there’s always a sentence like this: “Being good-looking and interesting and having the heavy-lidded gaze of a romantic tapir does not excuse writing a foolish book.”]

Elementals - A. S. Byatt

Searching for Black Confederates: The Civil War’s Most Persistent Myth - Kevin M. Levin

What Katy Did Next - Susan Coolidge

Feed the Resistance: Recipes + Ideas for Getting Involved - Julia Turshen et al.

A Duke, the Lady, and a Baby - Vanessa Riley [dnf]

The Sibyl in Her Grave - Sarah Caudwell

Sabriel - Garth Nix *

Outcrossing - Celia Lake [dnf]

Mending Matters: Stitch, Patch, and Repair Your Favorite Denim & More - Katrina Rodabaugh [so I feel like this was a couple of blog posts inflated into a book]

Rosaline Palmer Takes the Cake - Alexis Hall [extremely funny, made me want to bake during a heat wave, likely to suffer in reviews from mismatched genre expectations: it’s romantic comedy, not romance (I’ve just looked and yep! this is a major complaint)] *

Tales from Moominvalley - Tove Jansson

Goblin Fruit - Celia Lake [dnf]

Coffee Boy - Austin Chant [trying to do more than its length and thin characterization can carry, but also heartening in the main character’s explicit refusal to embody a limited and patronizing narrative of marginalized suffering; I wouldn’t want every trans romance to do this so overtly, just as I don’t want every queer romance to be about overcoming homophobia, but I want a few of them to (fair also to note that in contemporary settings, I find boss/intern scenarios really unappealing, and no, I don’t care if they talk about it; had it been longer I would almost certainly have bailed)]

Uncanny Valley - Anna Wiener [didn’t really plan to read this; definitely didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did - I thought it would be just another new adult navel-gazing indictment of tech bros, and it is, but it’s got seriously good style to go with it] *

Lord John and the Private Matter - Diana Gabaldon

Behind Closed Doors: At Home in Georgian England - Amanda Vickery

On Juneteenth - Annette Gordon-Reed

Salt Magic, Skin Magic - Lee Welch

Lord John and the Hand of Devils - Diana Gabaldon [read the first two novellas, but my tolerance for Diana Gabaldon’s Diana-Gabaldon-ness is relatively low and the second novel wore it out; dnf]

Lord John and the Brotherhood of the Blade - Diana Gabaldon

A Seditious Affair - KJ Charles [because once you’re 75+ comments into an increasingly-involved modern AU, the only reasonable thing to do is give in (looking back at the innocence of this mid-June annotation...oh, you sweet summer child)] *

Four Hundred Souls: A Community History of African America 1619-2019 - edited by Ibram X. Kendi and Keisha N. Blain [in the end, I’m not sure the organizing principles of 5 year chunks and short word counts really allow enough scope for many of the essays, but look for this to show up on Most Challenged lists and as a target of reactionary legislation anyway]

A Gentleman’s Position - KJ Charles [see prev. entry in series]

The Secret Adversary - Agatha Christie [sometimes you should not reread your childhood books]

Fire Watch - Connie Willis

The Ruin of Gabriel Ashleigh - KJ Charles [possibly shouldn’t be an entry, but what the heck, it’s sold separately; see prev. entry in series]

The City of Brass - S. A. Chakraborty

American Quilts: The Democratic Art - Robert Shaw [that subtitle tells you exactly what to expect from the text, but the quilts are lovely]

Engaging Diverse Communities: A Guide to Museum Public Relations - Melissa A. Johnson

Strange the Dreamer - Laini Taylor [dnf]

[tiny-smallest]

favorite things in the AHIT fandom right now

dadtcher

Hat Kid being made of sugar and spite but mostly spite

everyone took one look at DJ Grooves and the Conductor and went ‘ah. gay.’

speaking of which: knife grandpas

knife grandpas specifically because Hat Kid wormed their way into their hearts and they were like ‘okay guess she’s my granddaughter now

everyone decided Hat Kid and Bow Kid are sisters, by blood or otherwise

fuck you Vanessa

DADTCHER

everyone? just collectively decided?? that Moonjumper wasn’t cut from the game, actually?

that thing where people draw DJ Grooves’s sunglasses slightly transparent so they can show his eyes underneath them

variation of the above but one lens is opaque and the other’s transparent

everyone decided DJ Grooves has cute lil button eyes

let’s maybe RESOLVE the Subcon Forest chapter’s bigger story, huh folks?

the minions are gremlins; adorable, adorable gremlins

that Snatcher has the ability to be soft and is in fact some level of soft for Hat Kid eventually, despite his “AHAHAHAHAHAA FOOOOOOOOOOOOL” shtick

Snatcher is bitter about being outsmarted with the bff contract but he warms up to it eventually

Hat Kid made the bff contract out of sheer spite and also warmed up to it eventually

that neck ruff of his is absolutely as soft as it looks

he has literally always had that laugh even in life; it’s just scarier now that he’s a ghost

every time you turn around you realize a new heartbreaking thing about his past like jfc

fuck you Vanessa

Cooking Cat is just… Mom

like she just IS there is no question about it she is The Mom Friend among peers and just straight up adopted two space kids out of nowhere?

everyone who decided ‘hm, fuck this actually’ when we got no answer about Hat Kid’s past, so they worked with what they had to create one

Snatcher’s a dramatic ho

Mu is a good kid but she has Issues and she needs help with that

additionally, she and Hat Kid eventually become friends after the finale

if you accept Hat Kid left the planet at all she didn’t leave the planet forever; she just left to get Bow

the crew has zero idea, to this day, about why they fucking crashed during the Arctic Cruise chapter

also Hat Kid is embarrassed af about the entire ordeal

let’s see how these characters would translate into a modern au

let’s dick around with just the characters of your favorite chapter; I see u all and u are valid

Snatcher was a fucking real life disney prince before his death and slow stew of bitterness so he had a whole multitude of hobbies, some of which are actively pointed out in-game (his love of law and reading; the fact that he canonically does chemistry and/or alchemy)

building from that: the decision to add in some hobbies whose canonical proof ended up being cut from the beta or changed entirely, like painting and astronomy

the prince was a really sweet man and everyone liked him, but nobody in the kingdom really knew him so nobody knew what was happening to him

the different takes on his relationship with Vanessa but my personal, personal favorite is childhood friends and the relationship was always kinda toxic from the start but he didn’t see that because every time things became overtly awful he just thought ‘well if I see this through the good times will come back; this is just a rough patch’

am I projecting? maybe a little, but if he’s also your favorite character then so are you

everyone really did just up and decide that the storybook page about the prince locked up in the basement wasn’t his body being transformed after death by magic, and that shortly after that moment depicted in the storybook page the man fell out of his own body and landed on the floor as a ghost and had to turn around and look at his own corpse to figure out what happened because I guess he wasn’t traumatized enough, or something

fuck you Vanessa

the Conductor has some kind of tragic life story based on the fact that we see him as the caretaker for his five grandchildren but hear not a whisper of his child

Conductor is part fire spirit and so are his grandkids? Zero evidence in-game but have I adopted this so hard I forget it’s not canon sometimes? You betcha

Conductor has no mention of a significant other but had at least one kid so again something sad is afoot let’s explore that, mmmm?

also Grooves is totally down for being their other grandpapa he gives zero fucks about the Conductor coming as a package deal with toddlers, actually

Conductor has a mild alcohol problem

Conductor is a secret softy but this really comes out when he’s drunk… or overwhelmed with emotion for other reasons

Grooves is really lonely; someone please hug him

Snatcher draws up an adoption contract for Hat Kid when he adopts her despite being a dead man who lives in the woods with nobody to give a fuck about documentation because he’s a dweeb

literally bottle every bit of content anyone has ever made about Snatcher being poofed human again because he + time piece = disaster, and inject it into my veins

huge shoutout to @doodledrawsthings for coming up with the idea because I believe they’re the first ones to pose that amazing revelation of ‘he’d totally be an idiot with a time piece and smash himself back to being alive and instantly have Regrets about it’

Moonjumper is Moonjumper but like also the prince but kind of not?? He is an order of sweet with a huge helping side dish of existential crisis

Snatcher get over yourself 2k21

let Hat Kid beat Vanessa to death with her umbrella 2k21

honestly everyone could benefit from some therapy

except Vanessa she just kinda needs to die

DADTCHER

[kojinnie]

CONGRATS ON THE MILESTONE KOJIN we've only been moots for a bit but you're such a strong writer and your dad jokes are golden, i know you deserve that and many more followers to come!! <3

for the 24/7 event can i get the lovely jean kirstein for 11.00, 16.00, and 23.00?

[RE:] Kojinnie’s Milestone Celebration :: 24/7 Writing Event

H-H-HIII XENJI!

Honestly I’ve been lurking your page a lot lately, enjoying your interaction with your anons and especially reading your random ramblings, but I don’t know why haven’t I gathered enough courage to say hi... so I’m really glad that you’re here and I’m honored to know that my writings have come to your liking! THANK YOU! 😭💝

So hereby I present to thee... Hoping you’d enjoy it! 🐴💨

11.00: Their choice of music and their favorite musicians 16.00: Their greatest flaws and how they try compensate it (can be physical or personality trait) 23.00: Their deepest sexual desire [Minor DNI]

11.00 In modern!au, I don’t think Jean keeps up with contemporary music. But not in the pretentious today’s-music-sucks kind (that’s reserved for Zeke), he is simply not in-tuned with the music trend, and sticks to the ones he had come to like growing up. He’d probably hum along to today’s hits but wouldn’t go further as to knowing the artists. 

Jean’s discovery for music was largely centralized in his early teenage years, from ransacking his dad’s garage to find old cassettes from the 80s, and since then he’s just hooked. Jean definitely plays musical instrument, he’d be very good at electric guitar specifically, and would dedicate a room in his apartment to jam around (patched up with sound-absorbing foam, but he’d put it wrong so his neighbors would still complain whenever he plays too late at night). He’d listen to a lot of upbeat 80s rock from musicians like Prince, The Police, The Clash and QUEEN. He’s quite a corny guy, so he’d always dream of playing one of his favorite musicians’ love songs to you. He’d also play a little show for you at home, playing Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic by The Police and say that the song reminds him so much of you. One song that he’d always play on guitar all the time would be Purple Rain by Prince. He had grown to call the song ‘Our song’ although it was decided unanimously by him, but you wouldn’t mind listening to him humming the tune into your ears as he hugged you from behind, while you were preparing dinner.

16.00 Jean’s greatest flaw would be his insecurity and his nature to self-criticize all the time – these flaws drive him to be overtly competitive at work and even in friendship. Without him realizing, this would drain him to the point where he’d go days on end being so antsy because he’d feel like everything he does is not up to satisfaction. He’d often be easily agitated and always stay on alert, but he believes that the miserable situation is the necessary sacrifice for he always sees himself as lacking compared to others. At first, he thought this desire to always be on top would ease away once he gets his fair share of validation from his superiors. Yet no matter how much he’d been given bigger responsibility by the high-ranking officials as to affirm his quality, he’d always feel like he’s not up to task. If he lets this impulse for self-deprecation to persist, he would turn vindictive with no obvious reason. He’d be bitter and feel like whatever he’s doing is not enough. Sooner or later, Jean needs to come to terms that it’s not others’ validation he is missing, rather it’s his own. He gotta learn how not to self-sabotage his effort and figure out how to appreciate himself more.

23.00 You may find it here!

[emeraldspiral]

So, my initial theory was that the thing Hayward was hiding was that he implanted Evan Peters into Wanda’s world to be a mole posing as her brother with a lame excuse about “not wanting to be reminded of the past” to explain him having a different face. How Hayward managed to get him in with enough free will to be able to fish for information is still a question. Maybe it had to do with the fact that the “show” shifted into the early 2000s and became a mockumentary sitcom with fourth-wall humor. Like, they already knew they could get things in that fit the era and they wouldn’t be changed, and the way things were going they could’ve made a prediction that the format would change to allow for them to send a “drop-in” character who would work within the show’s format.

After thinking it over a bit though, I’m leaning back toward the idea he’s some guy Wanda “recast” as her brother, since she couldn’t have the real thing and Hayward’s secret is something else.

Another possibility is that this really is Quicksilver pulled over from the X-Men universe. But the only thing I feel that supports that so far is that he talks about one of Wanda’s kids having super speed like it’s a hereditary trait, which would only make sense in the X-Men universe. Like, I know in superhero comics, parents who weren’t born with their powers can still pass them onto their kids even though that shouldn’t be possible. But the kids usually get the same powers as their parents. In X-Men, where all the powers are genetic, it makes sense for Wanda to have a kid with her brother’s powers because both of them have the super speed gene inherited from one or both of their parents. But it doesn’t make sense in the MCU for one of Wanda’s kids to inherit abilities that have only ever existed in one person who didn’t contribute any DNA to his creation. This could also be a hint that Wanda’s kids aren’t real, just constructs of matter rearranged and given sentience by Wanda’s magic. Like, she wanted to relive her childhood vicariously through her own children, so she made one of them like her and the other basically a clone of her brother, as she remembers him. Which is why they not only have the same powers, but the same personalities and identical Halloween costumes.

Right now, there’s still 3 episodes left in the show and only one decade of television left before we catch-up to modern times, which even if the MCU takes place in an AU where corona never happened, Wanda’s been dead for 5 years, so she wouldn’t even know what late 10s/early 20s sitcoms are like. Realistically, if Wanda became an Avenger in 2014, she was probably too busy to keep up with sitcoms. And if she was orphaned at age 10 (which would’ve been 1999) and subsequently “adopted” by HYDRA, she probably wasn’t even watching that much TV in the new 10s.

So, I’m thinking the last 3 episodes are going to be a 3-parter that all takes place in a late 2000s/early 10s sitcom world that unravels and becomes a hodgepodge of all the eras we’ve seen before, maybe with some bonus scenes taking place directly in Wanda’s fractured psyche.

The fact that Wanda doesn’t know how she did everything I feel kinda hints that there is another person behind it all, which goes with the theory that “Agnes” is really Agatha Harkness and her husband “Ralph” is really Mephisto. But the way Agnes was acting in this episode doesn’t lend itself to that reading though.

Not to mention that so far, everything that seems to be “hinting” at that reveal is just stuff that fans think might be references to the characters and not actual character or plot beats in the story. Like, her wearing a witch costume or a certain brooch or showing up to conveniently move the plot along isn’t the same thing as like, establishing that Wanda had a foster mom or some other female figure in her life who Agnes could turn out to be, or having characters comment on the fact that they can’t figure out the identity of a major supporting character in Wanda’s show, or Agnes saying anything overtly cryptic or sinister or indicative of outside world knowledge or suggestive of a motive or ability to control or manipulate the situation.

So yeah, with the lack of genuine set-up it feels like if that is the twist then the scene from this week’s episode is just a giant narrative cheat. Like, she has no reason to behave that way except to fool the audience, but they’ll try to make it seem like they were clever and tricked us with sleight of hand, rather than an outright lie, by having her explain in her upcoming motive rant that she acted like that to fool Vision in-universe.

Like, with Zemo, we knew from the start that he was out to destroy the Avengers and details sprinkled throughout the film indicated that Sokovia and his family had something to do with his motive and the scene at the beginning with Bucky had something to do with his ultimate plan, so it feels like pieces of a puzzle that all come together to form a clear picture when we get to the reveal in Civil War. With Mysterio and the gang, the reveal of everyone’s motives and abilities was mid-film, so rather than feeling like an unearned twist that wasn’t set-up, it became the set-up for how the rest of Spider-Man Homecoming should logically play out.

In The Crimes of Grindelwald on the other hand, we don’t know the entire prophecy to begin with so we can’t possibly connect any of the red herrings dropped in order to come to the false conclusion they wanted to lead us to before they deconstruct it at the end, and the correct conclusion would’ve been straight-up impossible to figure out regardless because it outright contradicts established lore.

In WandaVision thus far, it doesn’t really feel like they’ve set Agnes up to be the puppetmaster and it feels a little late to do so now. The only way I think they could pull it off and not make it feel like an ass-pull is if they really hit the ground running in the next episode. Like, if they have Darcy desperately trying to communicate what she found that Hayward was hiding coinciding with people finally remarking on how they don’t know who Agnes is, or bringing up that someone in the town is in witness protection again, or Agnes’s facade cracking under scrutiny from Wanda, and then at the end of the episode Darcy is finally able to drop the bomb that the thing Hayward was hiding is that Agnes is another “meta-human” or has some connection to Wanda.

[bangtanfancamp]

✨This or That!✨

Hello loves, I was tagged literal ages ago by @curly-bangtan (who is such a sweet human btw! Thank you for the tag :’) it’s impossibly sweet of you) and am in the backseat while road trippin so I’ve finally got some free time to fill this out! I’m so excited !! I love these things !so without further ado🙃 Lessss gooooo

• slow burn or love at first sight

I guess to clarify, I love an instant spark of attraction and a long treacherous road to resolution- while also being painfully obvious that there is attraction and also while being overtly flirty but no one has the emotional motor skills to just be upfront about it already

•fake dating or secret dating

Oh, 1,000,000% fake dating. It is one of the single greatest regrets of my life that no one has ever asked me to be their fake date or gf. Because I would have been F A N T A S T I C at it. But I guess I’ll never get to live out that pretend to real slowburn in real life after all.... also, secret dating can feel really sucky and isolating so I don’t recommend.

•enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers

Oh god, must I really pick between my children? My whole life it was best friends to lovers. Now that I am currently dating the guy who was my best friend, I really melt over the fiery tension of enemies to lovers ... GOD! it’s so satisfying!!! But I think best friends to lovers still has to squeak by just by an ounce. (I’m a softy at heart, what can I say?)

•oh no! There’s only one bed or long distance with correspondence

Oh far and away, the one bed trope! No contest. I also deeply regret that I haven’t figured out how to make myself attractive enough for someone to try to pull this one over on me. *sigh* well, what can you do? .... also, did a long distance relationship for...6.5 years? And yeah, if you’re a romantic like me- it is dreadfully unfulfilling, let me tell you.

•Hurt/comfort or Amnesia

Mother freaking amnesia A L W A Y S !!! Heck yes! Are there amnesia fics??? 🤭I’ve never found one! But I absolutely love this trope in stories and movies. One of my all time favorites- which AGAIN- has not had the decency to actually come to fulfillment in my real life: Like why has park Jimin never showed up spontaneously at one of my doctors appointments trying to convince me that we’ve been best friends who were secretly in love with other since we were 14 and we finally just got engaged or married a month ago and his life is incomplete without me but he’ll patiently wait for me to love him in return again in my own time but in the meantime, he’ll love me in any and every little way he can until I fall for him again? Huh? Where is it! .... was that too specific😅?

•Fantasy au or modern au

no contest. Give me medieval maidens and dragons any day. I live in modern day. Lemme tell you- she ain’t that special.

•mutual pining or domestic bliss

cue Schmidt from new girl-“I can do this AWL day, son- AWLLL DAY!!” Yessssss!!! Mutual pining is my crack! Give it to me! Always! Gimme it! (Why can’t I have the things that I want!) okay this is just a Schmidt quote/rant post now. ..... I really want to love domestic bliss. And some of the writers who are excellent at it absolutely take my breath away at how beautifully they romanticize the every day. But outside of their writing, I have no scope of how to conjure that wonder up on my own. It is a skill I deeply lack. In real life, I just wind up feeling like the bliss is boring- gimme some pining! Some angst! Some tension!!! Even if I do love me some fluff. Someone once I told me that I was in love with the idea of someone being in love with me. Gotta say, he’s not wrong.

•canon compliant or fix it fic

Honestly, I can’t say I’ve read very many of either. But I do like to see how people flex their creativity.

•alternate universe or future fic

My favorite tv show of all time is Fringe (god bless you, JJ Abrams). Your girl LOVES alternate timelines, multiple universes, flashpoint, paradox, butterfly/ripple effect- all of it!! Dear god, yes! Give it to me! (Also, every time I have a crush or dream that doesn’t work out, I comfort myself with the thought that somewhere out there, there’s an alternate timeline version of me that is happily existing with said boy or flourishing in said dream endeavor. It’s a tremendous source of comfort).

Although, I must say, in the comic realm, alternate universes can sometimes frustrate me- like genuinely, could we not just make the alpha timeline the most incredible one? Instead of the best relationships and plot threads never being actual canon?! Can we get it together??? Or are alternate timelines just the comic industry’s way of writing their own fix it fics, generations after the original protagonist has been painted into a corner. Also, how hard must that be? To write endlessly for the same character for 60+ years? We write one fic or a couple books for the same character... could you IMAGINE having to supply 60 years worth of consistent weekly or monthly context!!! Wild

•one shot or multi chapter

I prefer multi chapter because I prefer getting engrossed in an entire work/world. Usually I am left wanting with a well written one shot, because they’ve made it so real that I can’t stand not having more- so my greedy butt loves the feast of multi chapter so I can have as many delicious moments and details with these characters as possible.

I do however deeply admire the skill and brevity it takes to made a succinct one shot. @underthejoon and @kpopfanfictrash are both brilliant as heck at that. And it is admirable as all get out.

•kid fic or road trip fic

honestly, considering how much I swoon over men who are good with children in real life, and how much I look forward to being both pregnant and a mom one day, I really never get into kid or pregnancy fics. I just don’t? Don’t know why. But a road trip!???? Oh heck yes!!! 👏🏽Where 👏🏽do 👏🏽I 👏🏽sign 👏🏽up!!???👏🏽

•reincarnation or character death

Oh absolutely reincarnation. I love that. I blame sailor moon for that.....But also, I think it’s just very in line with my love of alternate universes and timelines. I love how everything is connected/weaves together and feels predestined in the best way. I’m a complete sucker for it

•arranged marriage or accidental marriage

Like @curly-bangtan I legit had no clue accidental marriage was a thing? Unless you count being drunk at Vegas and waking up with a ring or we’re on some Jacob and Leah/Rachel level ish (which is really and truly the WILDEST™️ story ever ya’ll) ..... but I love a good arranged marriage scenario. The tension/push pull and inevitable relenting is so fun. But will say though, why the heck do women always fight it? Like there’s literally a whole Kim taehyung or Kim Namjoon offering to voluntarily love you and you wanna whine about it???!?! How dare you

•high school romance or Middle Aged romance

This, again, one is a pretty firm, resolute one for me. I’ll take high school. I’ve always felt a little oddly uncomfortable with more mature™️ romance stories? Not sure why. But I think the really beautiful ones always hark back to the beauty of their feelings being refreshing like the innocence of their first love. I know I personally can over glorify youth, but I love coming of age romance (high school, college, twenties) and no one can stop me!!!! I will say though, I have a secret soft spot for the niche of story where people have loved the same person since they were young and the timing just never works out but they finally find each other when they’re older. (One day is like that, and film or movie, it will absolutely rip your heart out-my god, it’s beautiful)

•Time travel or isolated together

These are both freaking AMAZING! But if anything has been established in this post, I think it’s my deep love of alternate timeline/reincarnation/time travel stories. I think they’re all from the same cloth. I adore them (I just haven’t written one because I’m not sure I could do the subtlety of it any justice.) maybe one day. My favorite writers are rumored to have the same Myers’s Briggs type as me so maybe I too could someday have a fraction of their world building skill.

I 100% love both of these so neither is a loser. But give me isolated together AND one bed in the same fic???? Speakers blown

•neighbors or roommates

I have never had the pleasure of having an attractive neighbor, though I often pined for it. (I have a bomb idea for a neighbor Hobi fic though) I did have a cute neighborhood boy who occasionally cut the grass for us in high school. But that doesn’t really count.... anyway! I LOVE the idea of being roommates with an attractive boy!!! Like holy guac, can I please????? Cocktailing this trope makes me swoon harder than none other- best friends to lovers + roommates? Yes. Enemies to lovers + roommates? Holy heck. Soulmate au + roomates???? Hold my sweet tea. MUTUAL PINING AND ROOMATES!!!! Pregnant. Fantasy/magic au+ mutual pining + best friends to lovers + soulmate au + reincarnation + roommate au!?!?!?!! frickin dead in the streets, homie.

I cannot say enough how much I enjoy roomate au. In a serious conversation, I once legitimately told my current boyfriend that the idea of marriage freaks me out- but the idea of being best friend roomates with sexual tension sounds like a dream come true. God help me.

•sci fi or magic au

I love sci fi. Deeply. But I will never love logic more than magic. Ever. (All my infp’s! come join me in the comments. 🙈)

•body swap or gender bend

Body swap has always deeply intrigued me. Especially in film. But I’ve never seen it in a fic. I’ve always wanted somebody to be able to switch into my body to feel physically, mentally and emotionally like i do. The deepest level of empathy & jean grey telepathy if you ask me, even if the trope is generally used for comedy. But the idea of switching into a dudes body and having to deal with their anatomy low key freaks me the eff out. If I got stuck in jungkooks body, I don’t think I’d pee or shower for a week 🙈 sorry everybody. I was really sheltered ok? Please don’t come for me. Lol...... also, have never seen a gender bend fic. Not sure how that would work. Not my favorite idea.

•angst or crack

Angst is my crack.

Honestly though, if it’s well written, it doesn’t feel ‘angsty’- cuz that means whiny or clunky to me. Well written ‘angst’ just feels emotionally compelling, I think. My writing weirdly leans toward what I hope is real angst (I e solid, genuine conflict and not petulance), but when I seek out a read, I look for crack honestly.

• apocalyptic or mundane

I offer you one better- a love story of the beauty of the mundane amidst the apocalyptic.

*mic drop*

Seriously though, the setting provides enough tension usually. Especially if it’s zombie apocalyptic. Just let jungkook’s fingers delicately trace my palm and smile, sweet and lopsided at me in the candle light, while we hide away in our little bomb shelter that I’ve turned into a jungle garden to bring life into this wasteland a la secret life of arrietty. sigh. Maybe I need to write this....

My gosh!!! We made it to the end! That was so much fun! Thank you for tagging me, sweetness!💕✨ 🙂

I’ll add a tag list shortly- @laurelevermore @lamourche @bts-fantasy @urlocalkpoptrash @thedreaming-poet @kimcheeeeeeeeee @hayjeon @outrotearot7 @lorengarcia-yut @bts-luvvv @chicpalestinian @flyingchixenwing @glodenclosetau @space-mermaid-in-love @thiccasswonhoruinedmylife @minminslittlemonster

Copy and paste if you can. Or if you’re dealing with a piece of technological antiquity like me and it won’t let you, then screen record/screenshot it and pop back and forth between the tabs 😅(also Thanks for dealing with the completely unnecessary treatise I added beneath every bullet point. It was just so much for fun to explain WHY I chose each one than to just say yes/no. I’ve said it before, written brevity is just not my strong suit.)

[sapphicdalliances]

Hi, Yuletide writer! First of all, my sincere apologies in my delay of getting this letter written up at all, and my enthused thanks for being here!

I’m a simple bitch with simple tastes; here is a general summary of my preferences, and fandom-specific notes and prompts can be found further down!

I very much enjoy:

Romance -- anything up to and including plotless shippy drivel

Short fics, or even collections of tiny fics

Long fics too, so I guess what I mean is, don’t feel pressured either way

Comedic tones, slice-of-life, lighthearted fun, any amount of improbable romcom tropes

Am also hella on board with misunderstandings, drama or angst as long as there is a happy ending!

I’m deeply okay with AUs, and most likely would be down for any modern, romcom, fantasy/fairytale, gender swap, or remix/crossover AUs you feel inspired to explore! My favourite settings include mundane/urban fantasy (witches! werewolves!), anachronism-stew-with-magic western fantasy jumbles, and disney’s Tangled.

Specific tropes I love:

Proposal fic

Wedding fic where the couple getting married is not the main couple

Outsider/third character POV of the main couple

Exes who are still in love/getting back together

Friends-with-benefits-with-feelings/did a bad job keeping it casual

Shipfic where two or more couples are contrasted

Oblique declarations of love/saying i love you without saying i love you

Provision and caretaking (acts of service!)

Aggressive matchmaking/wingmanning by an enthused friend

Hanahaki, or any other improbably dramatic instances of Cannot Spit It Out

Arranged marriage/fake marriage/fake dating

Epistolary fic

Regrettably I also love a/b/o, especially the kind that emphasises on scent safety and contains little to no actual sex

I’m not as into:

Political or social intrigue, mysteries, complex magical plots — by no means a dealbreaker, but not high on my list of priorities

Kidfic

First person narration

Soulmate AUs specifically

In general, please avoid:

Character death or serious/permanent injury

Animal abuse or death

Infidelity

Hopeless or downer endings

Fandom specific info starts here!

Princess Tutu - Ahiru, Fakir

I’ve loved Ahiru/Fakir for years and years — they are both very strong, willful but compassionate characters, and the way they intersect is just so sweet to me. While I would be ravenous for any tutu content, gen included, I really would be particularly delighted with some overtly shippy fic for this one, I hope that’s okay!

Suggestions:

Modern AUs: vet science major Ahiru + English major Fakir meet in theatre club?

Step Up-style remix where they become somewhat-unwilling dance partners because their regular partners are somehow indisposed and work better than expected

That one ending fix-it AU where Fakir writes her back into a girl and they retire into the village, the one we all have in our treacherous hearts, i will never get enough of these

Fakir and Ahiru’s relationship progression as observed by the other members of the school/town

Or mix it up with any of the tropes in my general list! For this ship, I would like a maximum rating of T, please!

Wotakoi

I love every ship in this manga equally but perhaps I love Kou/Naoya more equally than the other two? They are just so kind and so silly, and so sweet to each other in exactly the way both of them didn’t realise they were missing! Honestly, anything with these characters that’s along the lines of canon would be delightful; the particular energy of misfits realising that they don’t have to be alone is something very dear to me.

Suggestions:

Accidentally dating ft. Kou and Naoya, or, “and you’ve made out how many times now? Hmm. Yeah, that’s not technically a bromance.”

5 times Hirotaka and Narumi almost, almost kissed, and 1 time they did; the unresolved romantic tension may kill me and it would be worth it

What Hirotaka and Narumi taught each other (apart from the more mundane gaming and life skills, i believe that she taught him how to smile and be loved by others, and he taught her how to be loved by herself!)

Smutty domesticity ft. Koyanagi and Kabakura — a lazy Sunday, laundry in the sun, fucking on the couch, everything easy with familiarity

The fantasy/MMORPG AU, where Hirotaka is the lazy but brilliant crown prince, Naoya the hapless but beloved second prince, Koyanagi his spymaster and Kabakura the captain of the prince’s guard; Narumi his childhood friend-cum-betrothed, and Kou a mysterious archer who saves a distressed Naoya from bandits in the village?

The gang tries to play DND. We finally find a game that Naoya is good at.

Or mix it up with any of the tropes in my general list!

Nezha - Oubing

I feel 100 different ways about this movie and 88 of the ways are SO CHINESE. The filial piety, the familial sacrifice, the friendship! I do believe that Nezha and Aobing are in love, I hope this is a reading of the text that we share, but if not, gen about their friendship/rivalry would also be well-recieved.

Suggestions:

Aobing has been practicing bigu (a cultivation style that is meant to remove one’s need for food or water) since he was born; Nezha introduces him to food, and other creature comforts — do they have BEDS in the dragon palace for example?? Buddhist-style cultivation is very ascetic and difficult, but Nezha is so wild and full of feelings and love!!

Modern AU: delinquent Nezha and prim, proper exchange student Aobing

Modern AU addendum: nobody believes Nezha when he says he’s got a hot boyfriend in Taiwan and thinks that he has made Aobing up

Arranged marriage/political fantasy AU where the prince of dragons is given to the most controversial heavenly general in an effort to improve both families’ social standing

For a gen prompt, if you want to do something about Nezha and/or Aobing’s relationships to their fathers, debts and affections and resentments, that too would be lovely!

On the other end of the spectrum, i’m down for PWP with xeno tropes re: aobing’s dragon anatomy! So long as the top/bottom roles are not too strictly defined, i just like it when they’re equitable or switch!

And of course, feel free to mix it up with any of the tropes in my general list!

Kazetsuyo/Run with the Wind

I didn’t tag any characters because my favourites were not in the list, and of course because I do love everyone, but my personal priorities are in order: Shindo, Musa, Haiji, Kakeru, Nico-chan, Yuki, the bombastic twins, and then everyone else. The spaces between those positions are very small so if you happen to have a passion for a character/ship lower on the list, worry not, there is limitless affection within me for everyone!

Suggestions:

Shindo should get to take Musa to see the snow… he deserves that

He also deserves to run the ekiden again in his fourth year and not be sick and actually win section 5!

I do think Kakeru and Haiji are most definitely soulmates — if you choose to focus on one or both of them, I really do believe they are in the romantic kind of love, is the thing!

Perhaps their relationship, an inevitable drifting together, as perceived by everyone else in aotake?

Or Haiji comes to Kakeru’s graduation, all their tenderest affections still unspoken, and somehow, without any premeditation, by the end of the day they’ve kissed

You know what I think? I think Hana-chan likes and is capable of dating both of the twins, and I love that for her

Or gen canonverse with everyone (or just everyone you care about) taking turns caring for Nira and reflecting on the race!

As above, please feel free to mix it up with the tropes in my general list!

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun

I only selected Seo and Waka because they are simply my top priority, but if you want to serve a side of Chiyo/Nozaki and/or Hori/Kashima and/or Seo and Kashima being beautiful best friends and/or Mikorin being a beautiful himbo who we are delighted to have here, i would not complain at all!

Absolutely anything about them being goobery oblivious idiots in love would be perfect, such as:

5 times they went on a date without realising, and the time they realised

Everyone else literally just thinks they’re dating and they are completely clueless

Or on the other end of the spectrum, everyone tries desperately to set them up/matchmake for them, not realising that they’ve been going steady for four months

A hanahaki AU would be particularly hilarious with these two, I feel

Urban fantasy AU where Waka is a hapless monster hunter and Seo is an annoying but deeply harmless werewolf who’s been terrorizing his town??

Regency or faux-regency AU where Waka is literally like “drive by your rival’s estate slowly so that she may seethe with jealousy at the loveliness of your new hat” and Seo is like “oh goodness, he is courting me. What a fool. What an absolute buffoon.” and challenges him to a swordfight

Fairytale AU where Seo believes she must rescue the prince from the tower and deliver him back to the kingdom capital, and the prince, who had not realised he’d been kidnapped, thinks Seo is a usurper from a rival kingdom who must be supervised all the way back to the kingdom capital to be served her justice

Or anything else equally romcom-y, and of course, as always, throw in as many tropes as you like!

Thank you for reading this whole mess of a letter, and I sincerely hope I haven’t bored you too much. The most important thing to me is that whatever you end up writing, you are able to enjoy the process at least somewhat, and deliver a fic that you like! I can also be found on twitter at @hawberries_ (for art) and @popplioikawa (for general ramblings), and if you have any desire to send an anon ask to this tumblr with questions, i’m actually not sure if that’s allowed but i’d be happy to get some! Thank you again, and happy holidays!

[prettywordsyouleft]

Lost Love

Pairing: Hwang Minhyun x reader

Genre: angst, romance, university AU, break up

Warnings: the above genres pretty much sums it up

Song prompt: The Aftermath – Fromm ft. Minhyun

A/N: Requested by anon. I have been looking forward to writing this for so long now, as this song easily became my favourite ever since I heard it. But I also feel that because I built such high hopes for this piece, that I haven’t been able to get it all out as well as I thought I would. I’m still really happy with it, I sometimes struggle writing angst, as I love fluff too much. But this for me truly captured the feelings of innocent love and I’m glad I tried this angle.

And if you haven’t listened to this song, you are missing out. It’s my go to song to write to lately!!

Word count: 2406

Your laughter ceased when your eyes caught his, a lump forming in your throat. You tried to divert your attention back to the conversation you were having with your friends and not watch as he ascended the lecture hall stairs towards a row lower than yours. But you couldn’t help and watch his back profile as he took out his writing tools and prepared for the class to begin, vaguely hearing the voices of your friends continue on without you.

It was harder than you imagined it was going to be.

A month had passed, and thankfully most of that had been taken up with semester break. You knew you couldn’t escape him for long though, your majors being the same.

The break-up had been mutual, or at least, that’s what you had told each other. You had convinced yourself that since your dating had lasted only four months that you could get over him easily, that it wouldn’t hurt for long.

But this was Hwang Minhyun you were talking about.

You had known each other for years, and yet you felt as if you still didn’t know the tall boy either. You knew his appearance well, his dark hair styled to part over his handsome face, ending just before his feline shaped eyes. He had the most in-depth brown eyes you had ever seen on a person before; sometimes they were the warmest liquid chocolate shade and others they looked darker than umber. It was something that had initially drawn your attention to him years back, wanting to see how they appeared each day. And you still did the same thing, noting the many hues of brown that could be viewed from within them. Minhyun’s face wasn’t large and masculine nor overtly effeminate, but it captivated a lot of people who took the time to regard him. And if his looks didn’t, his generous personality was quick to grab the attention of all those around him. He didn’t aim to be popular, in fact, you knew him to be quite awkward, sometimes shy. But he naturally gained friends easily.

You knew, since you had been one.

It wasn’t intended by either of you initially to move from friendship into something more. You both had been comforted by having a similar mindset towards education, appreciating the easiness that came with discussing class material and then whatever came into your heads from there. You challenged each other to think broader than the other and soon he was the first person you thought of contacting when you were having a hard time, or when you had scored really well on your Modern Literature essay. And he had done the same, one time walking up to you and interrupting your conversation with a fellow classmate to hug you after finding out he had won the scholarship he had applied for.

Perhaps it had started then, the growth of your feelings. You hadn’t dated before and so you had no idea of what the appropriate signals were for liking someone passed what was typically showcased in movies and TV shows. But as another month slipped by with constant flutters in your stomach when you saw him, or feeling anxious to say the right thing when conversing, you nurtured those innocent flames of interest for the tall boy, fanning them when they got too strong, but still slowly building them to make them long-lasting.

It felt as though it took an eternal age for either of you to admit there was something more than friendship between you growing. You both had attempted, Minhyun becoming more affectionate towards you, subtle hand grazing, maintaining a protective hand held out when walking around busier parts of the campus. He had started messaging you more often as well, telling you things he had never told another before. And you had found yourself doing the same, purposely holding onto his lower arm to feel connected to him even when there was no need to be that close. You had embraced his messages and replied with your own, edging around a more than ready confession, waiting for that elusive right time.

Despite knowing each other was feeling the same by now, you were both too hesitant, worried about losing what you had already.

As you continued to take looks in his direction throughout the lecture, you wondered to yourself if you were granted to go back in time if you would have started this relationship all over again or not.

Because it was lonely on the other side of break-up, you had lost far more than you had gained.

It frustrated him to have to hold it in, to refrain from doing what came to his mind naturally when it came to you.

Ever since the break-up, he had faced many of these instances, struggling to maintain the distance and not overstep the line.

You had fallen once, tripping over as you hurried down the hallway, no doubt late for a study session like usual. He had immediately lurched forward to help you, rocking back on his heels as someone closer took his spot instead, your thank you directed to them and not him.

Watching as you skipped another meal, too focussed on your textbook and deepening your knowledge. He had always found that endearing about you but it came with the downside of you forgetting about yourself, and he knew you suffered from spells of dizziness from the lack of proper nutrition sometimes. What happened to the alarms he had installed into your phone to remind you to eat on time, had you deleted them when your relationship ended? He never heard the tone go off when it was meant to anymore.

Now that winter was settling in well, he all but had to sit on his hands when you’d mindlessly leave your scarf undone; it had been his habit to secure it more closely to your neck all these years.

It was difficult for Minhyun, to go from having so many roles in your life to having absolutely none. To become the one viewing you only from the outside now, realising just how much of a place he once had imprinted at your side. It now felt empty, as if your words that day had robbed him of all he had known.

And despite how strong you had sounded, telling him it wasn’t working and you both had made a mistake, he could only see a weakened version of yourself since the break-up. How long would it take for him to come to terms that he no longer held a place in your world? How much suffering would he face, knowing he could improve your way of living right now? To ensure you were healthy physically and mentally. To support you, as he had always done. How long would the sadness remain in your eyes?

He should have fought harder.

Dating you hadn’t changed much in the beginning. You both were far too shy, knowing what you wanted from each other but nervous to reach for it, and when you did it sometimes felt awkward. It wasn’t until the first kiss that some normalcy returned between you. It was as if you had both been deprived of oxygen for the first month together and pressing your lips on each other had allowed you to finally inhale a deep breath in again, your connection growing further than it had ever been in that moment. And soon all you were doing was kissing, misplacing the years of friendship that had come first.

Forgetting this had signalled the end.

For the small number of weeks after your first kiss, you were inseparable, not that you hadn’t been beforehand. But it was amplified; he woke up thinking of you and went to bed dreaming of being with you again. During the day you would meet as many times as classes would allow, thankfully sharing three papers together. Study dates were how you would end your evenings, examining both the books in front of you and each other.

“Oh, I found another freckle!” you had mused, poking his upper arm lightly and then crinkling up your nose when he had poked you back. “Yah, I don’t have anything there.”

“Shall I find one then?” he had suggested, reaching out to playfully pull at your top, your giggling soon deafening him when his hands found your sides. And then he stopped and stared at the lively expression upon your face, captivated by the fact that he could make you look that beautiful. You were already alluring enough, but when you laughed, it made it almost impossible for Minhyun to think of anything more magical.

Perhaps that’s where it went wrong. Because all he thought of was you and nothing else.

“I got a C,” you admitted, tears brimming your eyes as you held up the paper to him. “How did I get a C?!”

“Maybe because you rushed it?” he had admitted guiltily, remembering back to that night, where he had placed one too many kisses on your lips from finding you in one of his sweaters when he had come home from his part-time job. You had both arranged to meet up that night and it had been raining, so it made sense that when you let yourself into his apartment you had changed. Minhyun hadn’t expected the sight of you like that to awaken an urge that he had never felt for you before. He had lost control that night and you had subsequently suffered.

He hadn’t wanted that to happen again and so he had suggested guidelines for your relationship, making sure neither of you interrupted the flow of each other’s studies.

“Minnn!” you had whined, poking him repeatedly with a pout.

“Not now, I’m busy with this chapter.”

“You’ve been busy all day!”

He nodded. “Because we have exams coming up.”

“What about me?”

“What about you?” You had huffed out a deep breath then, gathering up your belongings and he frowned, looking up at you. “Where are you going?”

“Someplace where people aren’t too busy for me.”

“Ah Y/N, come on, it’s important for us to study!”

You nodded, though your stare was harsh. “It’s important for us to remember there is an us too, Minhyun.”

And you had walked out then, leaving him frustrated by what had just occurred.

The lack of communication between you travelled for days, Minhyun struggling to understand why you were giving him the cold shoulder. As friends, you had never struggled with telling each other about everything but now there was this invisible wall that would lift up and then collapse back down at any given moment in your relationship, blockading your more natural interactions.

It circled around like this for a month, each time becoming harder to recover from, to trust your feelings would be heard by each other, the make up kisses feeling like band-aids being placed over an open wound without anything substantial to treat it.

And then you had come to him, not a glimmer of a smile left.

Spring arrived and removed the bitterness from within you, shedding the layers of the cold winter like you had your heavy clothes.

It felt easier to breathe with the new season, the blossoming of new flowers making you hopeful for a new transition into acceptance.

You had smiled at Minhyun today and he had returned it.

Nothing particular had happened to warrant it, you simply had been admiring the same flowers that you had seen on your way into school that day and looked up, seeing him pass by.

You knew it wasn’t completely coincidence; he had always been in the background of your world as a friend and as a lover. He had an uncanny way of showing up when you most wanted him to and as you felt the warmth of the afternoon sun, you sought out his gaze, feeling the happiest you had in a while.

It had been nice to simply share something with him again.

It made the hollow feeling inside you that had become your companion feel less warranted, and you wondered if there was a chance you could at least have a friendship with him again.

Later in the week, you had crossed paths again, Minhyun nodding in greeting at you. You had smiled again, your step slowing as you passed each other. You couldn’t help but glance over your shoulder at him and blushed, realising he had turned around to face you in a similar way. He laughed and then diverted his eyes awkwardly, but it wasn’t long until he glanced back up, shooting you a genuine smile.

You felt a small flutter erupt within the emptiness.

You were hesitant to fully accept the desire to start dreaming of Minhyun again, unsure if you had a better understanding of what dating someone was like after the time apart.

Your friends had convinced you that Minhyun had been a bad match for you, both coming from the same background of being each other’s first loves.

“You cannot expect your first love to last long, Y/N. It’s there to teach you what not to do when you date again,” Hyomin had encouraged you, and for some time you had believed this.

But you still couldn’t imagine looking at someone else when you had spent so much time only seeing Minhyun.

Was it because you had yet to accept he no longer had a place in your world?

As he smiled at you and waved before walking off, you hoped it meant something else.

That the first, juvenile love had passed you both and ahead there was a chance to discover a second love with each other. Not from falling back into one another where you had left off, but building up a way to meet again in a place where you were certain of the feelings you were experiencing towards each other. Where you could remain yourself and not lose your focus on what mattered most.

You turned around and hugged your books to your chest with more determination then.

It wasn’t certain yet and it may take some time too. You were alright with this; you had a lot more to learn about yourself still.

But you had a feeling love would reappear for you both, and you began to anticipate it.

Because he hadn’t left your world, not yet.

_________________

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yoongi scenario | the mystery of us

❝ You don’t understand Min Yoongi at all... but then again, you don’t understand yourself very well either... ❞

➸ prompt: I can’t travel to see my family on Christmas, so I decided to invite you over to keep me company, even though you’re kind of grumpy and a loner…

➸ pairing: slytherin yoongi x slytherin reader

➸ warnings: mentions of bullying, blood and physical violence, mild swearing

➸ requested by @returnofthesquishies | 11.5k words | fluff, angst, Hogwarts au

Min Yoongi is a mystery to you.

With jet black eyes, like windows to an inky sky, and hair blacker still, he gives off the impression that you should stay away. He goes through life at Hogwarts avoiding company, sitting alone, and scaring off even his fellow Slytherins, yourself included.

But Yoongi isn’t all that he shows. He’s more than the blockade of ice he puts up around everyone, showing how little he cares with a curl of his cold lip.

You’ve seen more than this yourself, in collected experiences over your past six years at school, starting from the moment you caught him in second year, leaving the boys’ toilets with his eyes red and puffy, like he’d been crying.

It had happened the same day that your classmates accused him of cheating in his potions test, after he got exceptionally high marks, with mean remarks thrown around the room like knives. Yoongi’s face had remained cold and impartial as he sat at his desk, but you saw after that it had affected him more than he showed, with his broken scowl and glossed eyes.

You realised back then that there was a lot more going on behind his dark eyes, closing off the view to his soul, which you were so desperate to reach inside, searching for his secrets, hidden deep in the murky swirling pit of him.

That is his mystery. The feelings he keeps locked up tight, chained away, no way of seeing or knowing unless he allows you in.

You want to be the one to uncover it. If you’re the detective, he’s your case, tough to crack, but a joy to solve, if only you had a few more clues.

He sticks in your head all day, leaving you to mumble about him to your best friend, Jimin, who’s convinced that you’ve fallen hard and fast for your fellow Slytherin. But that’s not what Yoongi’s mystery means to you. You try to explain this to Jimin, but there are a few things that your friend won’t and can’t understand…

…things that you know about Yoongi, that he keeps hidden well. Even around you, despising you for what you know about him. Because ever since you discovered him crying in the boys’ bathroom, you’ve been keeping an eye out for him, standing up for him when the comments in class cross a line from simple jokes to damaging words.

But these words lead to more, with his classmates pulling him aside during break, hiding in the many alcoves of your school, where no one will see the punches they pull, not unless they’re looking, which they aren’t. No one’s looking but you.

And despite Yoongi’s harsh words to you, when you ask him how he’s doing in class, always answering “I’m fine. I don’t need your help,” you know he does.

After all, you’re the one who gives him aid when the other Slytherins pull him out of the eyes of teachers, telling him that if he thinks he’s so above them he should just shove a broomstick somewhere unsavoury.

That’s where you come in, pulling him away from his persecutors before he can rumble out, “What the hell are you talking about?”, punch them in the face, and get himself in more trouble. Your magic has saved him multiple times, not just from the bullies heavy fists, but from the teachers’s suspicions, healing his bruises and black eyes in seconds with a flick of your wand.

And for all that, you never get any thanks, only the occasional grunt from the back of his throat to acknowledge your existence.

But even past his coldness, something else lurks, something soft and easily broken.

You’re not getting ready to give up on him and his mystery, even if the years are drawing out, and your time at Hogwarts is getting closer to its end, with your final year starting.

You’ll get to Min Yoongi, discovering what lies below, what he keeps so well hidden, protected from his bullies and anyone else who appears in his life. You’ll keep helping, determined to show him that the world is more than the knuckles that penetrate his skin and the words that penetrate his head.

Even on days, when:

“Merlin’s beard, Yoongi!” He knocks on your door with blue and black and purple billowing across his face from a solid and well-aimed punch, “What on earth happened?”

“They were stronger than I thought they were,” he says, and you know it’s the only explanation you’ll get.

He passes you into your room, empty of your roommate for now, and collapses onto your bed, sniffing with his nose leaking red.

You curse under your breath, still shocked by the damage done to his face. It gets worse every time you see him. Going over to the bed, you sit down next to him, pushing his fringe out of his eyes with gentle fingers so you can see the extent of the damage.

“You need to stop them,” you tell him, as you lift your wand up to the modern artwork of his face, all splotches of red and purple, “Tell one of the professors what’s going on… I mean - Merlin! – we’re not children anymore. You can’t settle all this with your fists.”

He pouts his lips as your wand leaks its magic, correcting the colour of his skin, turning the flesh from blue and red to milky white, as the bluebells and roses of his wounds recede. You know that no matter what advice you give, he’ll only ignore it, leaving your room for his dorm just down the corridor, only to return again soon, with his face messed up just the same, repeating the process over and over. He never gives you more than a mumbled, “Thank you,” for your help, and never shows any more than the usual annoyance at your fussing.

Of course, it’s only natural to care deeply for him, to be overtly curious about him, when you see the pain he goes through, lacking in his limited words, while his face describes it all - admitting defeat and letting you fix him. But the moments only last a short while, and then he goes back to barely registering recognition when you sit down beside him in class. It’s taken you so long to get this close, to a point where he’ll actually let you help him, turning to your superior spells when he needs some healing. And still he won’t call you his friend, won’t let you get closer than he needs you.

You never know what to say to him, never understand what you should tell him at times like this. After all, you’ve never been bullied yourself, too quiet to show up on people’s radars, invisible and so immune to becoming a target. You’ve never had a fist to your face, never had someone spitting insults at you, never had someone knocking you down again and again and again.

You know it would crack you.

There’s nothing you can say to comfort him, because all of it feels empty. “I know what you’re going through” isn’t suitable because you don’t. “It will all get better,” doesn’t work, because you don’t even know that for sure. So, you keep your silence with him, trying not to scare him off, letting him stay quiet, resting on your bed to stare up at the stitched starry canopy you’ve draped above your head to make the bed more personal, so you have something familiar to stare up at every night when you fall asleep.

You take your wand away from his face to inspect your handiwork, trailing your thumb carefully along his cheek, which had blossomed bruises just a second before. Now it looks like porcelain, so perfect, without a blemish or a scratch, besides the dark dashes below his tired eyes. It always makes your breath catch in your throat when you see him like this.

It’s a surprise to hear his voice, husky, rumbling in the silence of the room: “Are you staying in school over Christmas?”

It almost seems that the question is directed to the canopy covering your bed, asking the constellations detailed in the small stitches.

His midnight-dark eyes move to your own, his gaze as hard as the punches thrown his way, and you’re left to mumble, “Yeah… I’m staying. Same as always.”

“Me too.”

With a bittersweet nostalgia, you realise that this will be your last Christmas spent at Hogwarts. When you first discovered that you couldn’t go home for the holidays, with both parents busy working every December and no one there to take care of you at home, it was Christmas after Christmas alone with only the school’s ghosts for company, and Yoongi, almost living like a ghost himself across the hall from you.

Every year you resolved that this would be the year that you would pick up the courage to go over and ask Yoongi if he would spend Christmas with you, and every year you never did. Now is your last chance.

But before you can even open your lips to suggest the idea, Yoongi is pulling himself from your touch, murmuring thanks. He stands up, stretches, and heads for the door, not even giving you a chance to call, “Maybe I’ll see you around?” before the door shuts to behind him. You really can’t work out his tangled mystery.

Outside your dorm room, you can hear the perky voice of your roommate Victoria, calling “Hi, Yoongi!” followed by his low response, which she answers with a laugh, and a bright, “Are you looking forward to the Christmas holidays? I can’t believe they’ve come around so fast this year!”

You lie down, burying your head in the duvet that held Yoongi just a few seconds ago. It still smells of him, like grass and tea leaves and musk.

Victoria bounces into your room, filled with her usual energy, to see you stretched out on your bed. “Oh hi! I didn’t realise you were in here,” she chirps, going across to her own bed to pick up a couple of books, “What are you doing in here lying in the dark?”

“Thinking,” is the simplest answer you can give. You can’t explain the clouds forming in your brain, worrying about Yoongi and his secret bruises and stoic face.

She laughs at your answer. She seems to laugh at everything. The whole world is a comedy to her, not taking anything seriously, apart from the many boyfriends she cycles through every season. “Okay… shall I leave you in peace then?” She heads to the door with her books under her arm, her curly hair bouncing with each step. “Oh yeah, you usually stay in Hogwarts during Christmas, don’t you?”

You sit up, and nod your head at her.

“Great!” she grins, “I won’t be able to go see my parents this Christmas, since they’re over in America, visiting my brother and his fiancé! So I’ll get to spend more time with you. And Yoongi as well, just across the corridor from us. It’ll be such fun!”

“Oh… really?” you say, as she bobs her head happily, blue eyes shining, black curls tumbling around her pale cheeks.

For a split second the thought of her in between your tradition of waiting in your room by yourself, wondering if you should go over to Yoongi, makes your stomach twist. Christmas is for you and Yoongi, spending time not talking to each other, but knowing you’re there, just across the hall, a warm reminder that even when you’re alone, you’re not.

You don’t like the thought of Victoria coming between that.

♡♡♡

“Jealous, you’re jealous!” Jimin tells you, as you sit across from him in the Great Hall, explaining how Victoria is disrupting your plans of spending the holiday with Yoongi, trying to unpick the puzzles of his brain.

“I am not!” you tell him, “It’s just that… as nice as Victoria is, she’s kind of loud… and she’ll try to drag us all over the place to keep us occupied. I just want to have some peace like I do every other Christmas!”

Jimin shakes his head at you, brows raised. “Okay. So you’re just upset that she’ll ruin your holiday tradition of awkwardly not talking to Yoongi the whole time? Because this year’s the one, right? The year you’ll actually ask him to spend Christmas with you, and you’ll end up falling in love?”

“That’s not it...” you say. It’s difficult to explain your feelings for Yoongi, and Jimin doesn’t help by assuming that you’re head over heels in love with him. There’s a lot Jimin doesn’t know about, like the bloody noses Yoongi shows up with, and the hurt in his eyes - things you can’t tell your friend. All of this is complicated and confusing, and simplifying it down to ‘love’ is annoying.

There’s more to it than that. Sure, there’s attraction, you can’t deny the beauty of Yoongi’s face which you’ve fixed so many times. But there’s also curiosity. There’s a wish to pull apart his mysteries. There’s a wish to protect him, to never see him hurt again. There’s confusion, over his dismissal of you, leaving you with no words as soon as you heal him. And there’s anger that no matter how often you try to break through his barriers, he’s still as icy as ever.

Simply breaking it down to ‘you have a crush on him’ isn’t helpful. But you can’t explain that. You don’t have the words, the energy, the time. You can’t tell it to Jimin, and you certainly can’t figure it out for yourself.

So, you go on listening as Jimin insists that you should try talking to Yoongi more this Christmas, that Victoria being there might even bring you closer together, and that you shouldn’t be jealous.

You aren’t jealous. Just worried. Afraid of being replaced by Victoria with her bright smile. That’s not the same as jealousy, is it?

Your mind a mess, you realise that your feelings might be just as big a mystery as Yoongi’s. You glance down the table, to where Yoongi is eating his dinner by himself, as he always does, head down, eyes glued to his food.

Now you feel an urgency, not just to figure him out, but also yourself.

♡♡♡

His face is all that preys on your mind for the last few days of term as Christmas creeps closer, with you helping Jimin pack up his stuff, and listening while Victoria plans out all the fun things you can do at Hogwarts over the holidays. She’s convinced you’re going to be best friends by the end of the whole thing, something you’re not so sure of yourself.

But as the final day of school term comes around, and you walk Jimin down to the train station with his suitcase and his owl to wave him off, making sure he promises to write to you while he’s away, Victoria’s all the more excited when you arrive back in the room, lacking in Jimin and increasing in sorrow that your best friend is off to celebrate while you’re stuck at school, and you don’t have the heart to tell your roommate that you’re not in the mood for her festive spirit.

“This is so exciting,” she says, bouncing up and down on the edge of her bed, “It’s kind of like we’ll be having a really long sleepover over the holidays.”

“It’s nothing like a sleepover,” you tell her as you flop down onto your bed, letting your arm fall over your eyes to block out the light. All you want to do is curl up under the duvets, and enjoy the silence that now hangs throughout the school, like fallen snow on the threads of a spider web, ready to quiver and melt out of existence with Victoria’s loud voice echoing in your head.

“Well… maybe…” she admits, “But we can still make it like a sleepover!” She hugs her knees up to her chest. “Oh, I know! We’ll play games. That’ll make it feel less like we’re still stuck at school.”

You gaze at her from under your arm . “Games?”

“Yeah! Like truth or dare!”

You don’t like the sound of that. The school is too quiet for dares to have any weight, with no one around to see you embarrass yourself, and you don’t particularly care for spilling truths about yourself with a girl you’re not particularly friendly with, despite sharing a room with her.

Still, Victoria is already beginning with, “Alright, I’ll start!” so you roll your eyes, under your arm, so she can’t see, and then sit up as she asks you, “Truth or dare?”

“Truth, I guess,” you say.

Her eyes glint. “Do you fancy anyone?”

Why is everyone so interested in who you like? First with Jimin doubting your intentions towards Yoongi, and now Victoria, sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. How are you meant to answer when you don’t know yourself, don’t get what it’s like to like someone? Is there something wrong with you, living for all seven years of Hogwarts without those stereotypical feelings of butterflies storming in your stomach, or a sensation of floating on air? Are you experiencing school wrong? Or are you just blind to knowing of what love is, feelings going numb because you’ve never dated anyone before?

With these worries writhing inside, you give Victoria the most honest answer you can, “I don’t know…”

“You don’t know?” she giggles, dismissing your concerns with a wave of her hand, “How can you not know?”

You shrug. “I just don’t. How do you know if you have a crush on anyone anyway?”

Victoria’s eyes soften when you ask, eyelids lowering, “Well, I don’t know how I know… I just do. Like… I find him really handsome, and seeing him stretches my heart. It’s like, if I had to choose anyone to spend the rest of my life with, I would pick him!”

You stew over her words. Is that what you feel for Yoongi? He certainly is handsome, you’ve fixed his broken face enough times to understand the perfection of his features when they’ve righted themselves again. But does he stretch your heart? Would you give up time with everyone else just to be with him? That doesn’t seem right to you. So, you mustn’t like him then… Jimin was wrong. This revelation leaves you with a bitter taste. Had you been hoping to fall in love after all?

“So you like someone, Victoria?” you ask, hoping to pull yourself out of your own thoughts by delving into hers.

She blushes, “Well, yeah! Obviously?”

“Who is it?”

She squeaks, falling down to bury her face in the duvet. Her eyes peek out at you from the mess of black hair obscuring her face, as she mumbles past the blankets, “Promise not to tell anyone?”

“I promise.”

“Alright,” she sits up again, pushing her hair off her face with her hand, and sucking in a breath, “It’s Yoongi.”

“Yoongi!”

“Shhh… keep your voice down!” she pleads, “He’s just across the hallway. I don’t want him to hear!”

“Oh, sorry!” You pop a finger to your lips, surprised by the volume of your own voice. You hadn’t been expecting her to give that name.

Your mind whirls, as you try to connect the dots. It had never crossed your mind that Victoria would fancy the boy who lives across from you. Sure, she was friendly with him, but she was friendly with everyone, and it didn’t seem off that she would shower him with attention as well.

But what did you know about Yoongi anyway? Maybe he was closer to Victoria than you had realised. Maybe he shared moments with her behind closed doors, just like he did with you, showing up with a broken face.

“Does he ever talk about me?” Victoria asks, fiddling with the edge of her skirt, as an excuse to avoid your eyes.

“Why are you asking me?”

She bites her lip. “Well, you just seem close with Yoongi… I see him leaving our room sometimes, after he’s been with you… and to be honest, I thought you were dating for a while, but judging from your face-”

- you’re looking completely bewildered –

“- I can tell that’s not true… I thought you might have heard him mention me…”

You fly your mind back over the few stilted conversations you’ve had with Yoongi in the past, no mention of Vitoria, but then again, there’s not much mention of anything while he’s with you. He barely talks.

“He hasn’t,” you say, to which Victoria’s face falls, and you rush to add, “But we don’t talk that much when we’re together.”

Victoria’s eyes widen. “What are you doing together then?” Whatever her mind has wandered to, you want to pull her away from it as quickly as possible.

“We – we study together,” you explain, coming up with the quickest excuse you can think of.

Victoria seems to buy it, nodding her head. “Oh. That makes sense. You’re study buddies.”

“Yeah,” you lie, glad that she’s stopped grilling you with her eyes wide and her face expectant.

“Good,” she smiles, “I have a fighting chance with Yoongi then! I was worried he had completely fallen for you…”

That seems unlikely. But then again, would you even know the signs if he did show interest in you? He’s still an enigma. You have no idea if he loves you or tolerates you.

Victoria really picked the wrong person to ask about Yoongi.

With a shrug, she falls down to the bed again, gazing up at the ceiling, a small smile tugging at her lips, mind probably flooded with thoughts of her crush. “This Christmas is going to be amazing!”

Whatever hopes she has for this holiday, planning to take the chance to get closer to Yoongi, it makes your chest heat up, as if you’re under pressure to figure out Yoongi before she snatches him away forever with her winning smile and her underlying Slytherin cunning.

♡♡♡

The next day, Victoria is ready with a list of activities to keep you entertained during the holidays. She shows it proudly to you over breakfast, where you sit with her and, miracle of all miracles, Yoongi by your side, who she had actually convinced to eat with you. You can scarcely believe it, staring at him as he sips his coffee.

“I’ve never been around the school during the holidays,” Victoria says, glancing around the almost empty hall, “It’s so weird being here with so few students about. Is it like this every year?”

You and Yoongi both nod in unison, remembering the six past Christmases spent here.

“I love it! It’s so quiet,” Victoria decides as she chews on a slice of toast slathered in strawberry jam. “The castle feels all the more mysterious now.” Then her eyes light up. “I was thinking we should take this time to explore the school while there are less students around, and less professors to tell us off!”

You’re sad to tell her, “There are still enough professors to keep us in check,” remembering back to your first Christmas here, when you had tried to go sneaking around the castle where you weren’t supposed to be, and had been caught red handed.

Victoria’s lips fall. “Well there’s bound to be some secrets we can discover! Places even the professors don’t think to go. Come on, it’ll be fun to explore.” She turns to Yoongi, waving her toast at him. “You’re excited, aren’t you, Yoongi?”

He shrugs. “I guess…”

With his unenthused answer you end up making plans to go down to the library after breakfast. Victoria is convinced it’s the best place to start when searching for castle secrets. As she puts it, “There are so many books, there are bound to be shelves that are left untouched for hundreds of years!”

And so, with your last sip of coffee souring your mouth, you tramp down to the library, with Victoria making light conversation, bouncing different topics among the three of you. As you go on, you notice more and more that she’s focusing her attention on Yoongi, directing her gaze and conversation his way, until you’ve been completely cut off by the time you enter the library.

Is this what it means to like someone? Getting so focussed that you can’t look to or acknowledge anyone else?

You frown past Victoria, with her head turned away from you, and try to gauge Yoongi’s reaction. As normal, his expression is neutral, not seeming to show any particular interest in what Victoria has to say. But at the same time, he doesn’t seem particularly annoyed by her constant chatter either. In his periphery vision, he catches you staring, and his eyes dart over to you.

Your heart rises to your throat, and a freezing cold rushes over you. You look away, embarrassed that he caught you staring. Your talk with Victoria has made you paranoid of all feelings, searching for signs of what she believes love to be – a stretched heart and a desire to only be with one person. That was what she said.

You still don’t feel that. But there is an odd weight in your chest as you step into the library, still excluded from the conversation.

Inside, the smell of old books is calming, and you take a deep breath, trying to let go of the feeling. Victoria’s only being selfish with Yoongi’s attention because she likes him. You wonder if you’re being a burden, hanging around them. Maybe you should leave them by themselves.

After Victoria points towards the far corner of the library, dusty and dark, where she hopes to find the lurking secrets she craves, you tell her that you’ll search the row of shelves further down, sectioning yourself off from Yoongi and her, leaving them to walk on ahead. But as you stop by one of the shelves, using your wand to pull out books and bring the down to eye level to read for any curious sounding titles, you can’t fight the crushing feeling that pushes your heart down to your shoes.

As you keep searching, your mind continuously falls back to Yoongi with Victoria, wondering what they’re doing by themselves. Is Victoria using this free time to get her way with him? Is she flirting with him right now? The thought shrinks your heart a little, shrivelling up against the cold that aches in your bones. Confused, you let the books floating around you fall to the floor, as you bring your hands to your chest, surprised by the physical pain there.

You sense you’re missing out on something. Victoria knows what love is, and she knows how to flirt. She’ll get Yoongi for herself, like she’s got all her boyfriends before him. She’ll experience all the typical teen romance once again; feelings you’ve never had, not even once.

What does that feel like? What does that look like?

Taking a peek can’t hurt. If you can’t enjoy love yourself, you can experience it vicariously through her and Yoongi’s relationship, and maybe learn something about Yoongi in the process. This is the argument you form in your head as you step over the scattered books and approach the branch leading to the next bookcase where you can hear Yoongi and Victoria’s voices murmuring quietly, trying to justify spying on the two.

You peer around the corner, gripping the shelf to keep yourself steady while you try to stay hidden.

Victoria is perched on a set of steps trying to reach the top shelves, while Yoongi stands below her, insisting it will be easier to reach if she uses her magic. She responds bluntly that her muggle mother can cope with steps, so she doesn’t mind it either.

But the steps look precarious, wobbling as she stretches her lean legs. On her tip toes, her skirt lifts higher and higher, and you blush, wondering if she realises how much she’s exposing. As she strains further, the steps begin to groan, so old and unused to holding anything heavier than an owl feather.

You can almost see the inevitable happening before it does, steps wobbling, while Victoria makes a jump to try and grab a book from the highest shelf. Then the steps are falling out from underneath her, and you’re closing your eyes in a wince.

She lets out a cry as she tumbles towards the ground, but the bump never comes, and as you blink your eyes open again, you see Yoongi’s arms wrapped around her, holding her up.

Her hands fist around his shirt, her knuckles white. “Woah…” she breathes, hair sliding into her face, as she steadies herself against him, “Thanks… That- that was scary…”

“I told you to be careful,” Yoongi chastises, pulling her up, while she keeps her weight on him. When he realises that she’s still in shock, legs like jelly, he keeps his hold firm on her, winding his arms down to her waist to help her stay on unsteady feet.

It’s like a scene out of a romantic film. You realise that it was a mistake to watch. Living vicariously though Victoria doesn’t help at all… it only makes you realise how much you want a pair of arms around your own waist, and for the pain in your chest to go away.

You step back, hiding Victoria and Yoongi from your view on the other side of the shelf, and look to the pile of books you left scattered on the floor. Slowly, you begin to pick them up from the floor, piling them, ready to put them back where they belong, hoping the work will distract you.

A pair of shoes steps into your view, and you look up to see Yoongi above you, now detached from Victoria. “Did you drop these?” he asks the obvious, and then flushes at the stupid question. “Let me help you.”

With a wave of his wand, he pulls the books from your hand, floating them back to the empty spaces on the shelves where they belong, before you can protest with, “It’s fine, Yoongi. I can do it.”

“There,” he smiles at you, with the floor now cleared and the shelves tidied. It’s odd to see this expression on him, his lips curving gently, his eyes creasing at the corners. Since the holidays started he seems a lot more relaxed, and you realise that it probably has to do with the fact that the ones responsible for the bruising on his face and the blood on his fists are away for the holidays.

“Thank you,” you mumble quietly, not entirely sure what else to say to him. You never know what to say. You feel a sharp jab of jealousy, thinking of how well Victoria was conversing with him earlier, while all you can do is stay silent.

Victoria appears around the corner, “What are you guys doing?” she asks, and you jump at her sudden presence, her eyes boring into you.

“Nothing,” Yoongi says, “We were just clearing up some books.”

“Did you drop them?” Victoria shakes her head at you with a short laugh, “So clumsy.” With that, she brushes past you to get back to Yoongi, smiling, “Have we found anything good yet?”

You shake your head in unison with Yoongi’s and she sighs in frustration, before pulling on a smile once more. “Whatever. No point giving up now, right? We’ve still got two weeks of holiday to search.”

♡♡♡

You spend the rest of the day in the library, coughing clouds of dust, while Victoria keeps insisting that you’ll find something good.

You’re almost ready to give up, when Yoongi manages to pull out a notebook tucked at the back of one of the shelves, hidden by a gargantuan tome of spells. The notebook has a worn leather cover in green, and looking through it, it seems like it belonged to a student from many years ago. There are a lot of notes jotted in it, but there are also sketches of parts of the school, drawn in ink with vivid detail. Victoria’s excited by the find, insisting that it will lead you somewhere exciting, and you can’t help but feel a tug of curiosity yourself.

With a promise to pour through it tomorrow, unearthing all its enigmas, you part with Yoongi and head back to your own room,  looking forward to a good night’s sleep.

But Victoria’s not ready for bed yet, and while you get changed into your pyjamas, she instead, sits down on the bed, and hugging her pillow to her chest, begins squealing, “Oh, this holiday is going to be exciting!”

“Yeah, that notebook seems interesting,” you say, although you have a bad feeling that she’s not talking about your discovery in the library.

“That’s not what I mean,” she says, staring at you across the room, “I’m talking about Yoongi!”

“And? Any progress with him?” You already know the answer, having witnessed it yourself.

“Well, while we were in the library, I slipped off the steps, and he caught me! It was amazing… his arms are so strong… and did you know, he smells great as well?” She flops back down onto her bed, finally murmuring a spell to switch off the lights.

Something niggles in the back of your mind. “Why use steps that you could fall off in the first place, when you could just use your magic?” you ask.

“Oh Merlin!” she sits up to stare over at you, eyes wide and white in the gloom, “You really are innocent aren’t you?” She laughs to herself, whole body shaking, before she’s able to straighten herself up again and tell you, “I did it on purpose. I wanted him to catch me!”

You had sensed something was off about the scene in the library, but now you know for sure.

“Really…” she shakes her head, “No wonder you’re still single… I’m just trying to get him interested in me, you see?”

“But, isn’t that… cheating,” you ask, “You know? Making all these romantic scenes happen artificially? Don’t you want it to happen naturally?”

She lies down once more, her laughter still echoing around the chamber. “Those things don’t happen in real life… that’s the problem.” She clears her throat, fighting off her fit of giggles. “Listen, if you need help with stuff like this, I can help you get a boyfriend next term! Just pick out a guy you like, and with my advice he’s all yours.”

You furrow your brows as you gaze up at the starry stitching above your head. That shouldn’t be how it works…

But Victoria certainly knows a lot more about romance than you do. After all, she’s had a lot of boyfriends during her time here, and you’ve had zero.

You think back to your feelings in the library, the crushing in your chest, and the sense you were getting in the way of Yoongi and Victoria. Maybe you should just sit out for tomorrow, let Victoria plot another situation to get Yoongi tangled up in. But the thought of letting her go off with him alone only makes your chest tighter. Jimin might have been right. You might really be jealous.

You drift to sleep with all these thoughts pounding against your skull.

♡♡♡

The next day after breakfast, Victoria is bright-eyed, ready to look through all that the old notebook will impart to her.

You sit in your shared room, squished onto her bed, with you on one side of her, and Yoongi on the other. Victoria sits with the notebook on her lap, holding it so you can both see, and every time she turns a page, she accidentally brushes her hand against Yoongi’s knee, although you know now that it’s probably intentional.

Every touch has sirens going off in your head, wishing that Yoongi would pull back, wouldn’t let her touch him like that. But his face shows nothing, still as detached as ever. You don’t know if he likes her attention, or if he would rather pull away, but is too polite.

You keep glancing his way, trying to discern what’s going on in his head. Occasionally, he’ll catch you, eyes rising to meet yours, and each time, your pupils quickly dart away, only to fall back a few seconds later and find him ducking his gaze away from you, to concentrate intensely on the book, his hand going up to tug at his fringe, while Victoria keeps touching him by a little more than chance.

You’re almost at your limit, sick to the stomach, and ready to stand up and leave Victoria to swoon over Yoongi alone, until all of a sudden, she jumps up, leaving you on the bed, swaying on her matress.

“Look!” Victoria holds up the notebook to your face, showing you whatever it is that has excited her, holding it there for less than a second before she snatches it away again, leaving you no time to understand what you’re seeing.

“What is it?” you ask, blinking your eyes, as if that will bring back the image of what she just showed you.

“It’s a door in the library,” she says, “At least, that’s what the notebook says, but we were in the library all day yesterday and we never saw anything like it. Right? You didn’t see it, did you?” She holds it in front of you again, a second longer this time – an ornate looking door, with books carved across it’s wooden surface to make it look like a part of a bookshelf. At each corner of the doorpost is a golden statue, one of a lion, one of a badger, one of an eagle, and one of a snake.

You search your brain, but you don’t remember seeing anything like it, so you shake your head at Victoria and she snaps the notebook shut with satisfaction. “Let’s go see then!”

Before either you or Yoongi can object, she grabs Yoongi by the hand, pulling him off the bed, and calling over her shoulder for you to follow.

On the way down to the library she keeps her hand in Yoongi’s, tugging him down the flights of stone steps, past portraits that yell not to run in the corridors, and you wish you knew what was going on in your head so you could at least explain why you’re so angry to see her pulling Yoongi along.

Is it jealousy? Or a dislike for her way of going about romance, thinking that Yoongi deserves better than to be picked out and targeted as her next lover, all a part of an artificial process to manufacture her happiness?

It’s a good thing that you reach the library when you do. If you had taken any longer, you might have exploded.

Victoria finally lets go of Yoongi’s hand as you enter the library, and you all split up to search, although you see Victoria sticking close to the areas Yoongi scans, which defeats the whole purpose of her searching, just checking the same places Yoongi has checked moments before.

He glances across to her occasionally, as she rummages among the shelves, scanning on tiptoes to see any signs of the door shown in the notebook. As she stretches up on her long legs, you see her skirt riding up again, and you’re sure that’s not an accident either.

The idea makes you sick. All this time you thought she was going about life oblivious, falling fortunately into the arms of her lovers. But she was obviously sorted into Slytherin for a reason – she knows how to get exactly what she wants, and that something is Yoongi.

If only you had the same skills. If only you knew what you wanted, and what Yoongi wants.

You turn away, heading to the bookcases at the back of the library, hidden away from the sight of Victoria’s flirting. In the peace of an unoccupied corridor of books, you lean back, pressing your head against a shelf, and run your hands over your face, trying to sort out your own head. But as you lean further, pressing your head to the wood, you feel something rumbling behind you, and jump back to see that the whole bookcase is wobbling.

Behind the rows of books you see a glint of gold, and pull a couple of old tomes out of the way to see a burnished snake, grinning back at you with long, gold fangs. It’s the same as the stature by the door in the notebook.

Forgetting your original worries, and overcome with genuine curiosity, you run over to where Yoongi and Victoria are. “I might have found it!”

Caught up in your excitement, you almost – almost – don’t feel a stab of unrest when Victoria takes Yoongi’s hand to pull him after you.

They follow you back to the point, where, hidden behind one of the old bookshelves, you show them the snake statue. Piling some of the other books to one side, Yoongi discovers another golden statue, this one of a lion, and then with a flick of your wand, you pull the rest of the books off the shelves, stacking them up neatly on the floor, and breathing a prayer of thanks that you’re far away from the front desk, where the librarian can’t scold you for disorganising the books. Behind the bookshelf is the old door shown in the notebook.

Victoria holds up the sketch to the door, showing how the drawing fits into reality and then grins. “We found it! I knew this holiday would be the best.”

“Now what?” Yoongi asks, furrowing his brows quizzically, “I mean… we can’t actually get into it, can we?”

The bars of the bookshelf stand in the way of you and the door, forbidding your access behind it.

Victoria looks down to the notebook. “Maybe it says how to get past it here?” She frowns, before a gasp breaks past her lips, and she points. “Look. These words. Do you think they’re a spell?”

Yoongi glances over her shoulder, his face close to hers, mouth almost brushing her ear as he slowly repeats the words written on the page. Nothing happens.

“Hey, you’re better at spells,” he says, reaching over Victoria to grab your hand and pull you to where you can see the words as well.

You want to fight off his praise, but after the many times you’ve murmured words to heal him, you can’t deny what he’s already seen. So you take a deep breath, voice shaky, as Yoongi’s hand lingers by your wrist while you read out the words, written in an odd language that looks like Latin, but isn’t.

As the last words leave your lips, there’s a gentle creaking, and slowly the wooden boards of the bookshelf begin folding in on themselves, pulling away from the door.

Victoria stifles a squeal, turning back to you with eyes shining wide. “You did it!”

You blush, not quite sure what you did different from Yoongi, but glad that it worked.

“Shall we go inside?” she asks, eyeing the cobwebs and dust that coat the stones just inside the door, “It looks a bit… dirty.” You’re not sure what she was expecting after the door being closed for who knows how many years.

‘We can’t go this far and not go inside” you say. But as you step forward with Yoongi, you see Victoria hanging back. “What’s wrong?” you ask, turning to her.

She wrinkles her nose, watching the dark path leading into black. “Shouldn’t one of us stay behind to make sure no librarians find our mess?”

“Oh, you’re right,” you’re glad she thought of that, or you would have gone on completely oblivious to the trouble you could be getting yourselves into, “Who should wait behind?”

All three of you fall silent, no one wanting to be left out.

“If you think it’s so dirty, maybe you should stay and keep watch,” Yoongi suggests to Victoria, while her eyes linger on the dust particles hanging in the air like sediments of snow.

Hurt paints itself across her face, clearly unhappy that Yoongi doesn’t mind being separated from her. She bites down on her lip, eyes flying to yours, like she’s pleading with you to offer yourself as a guard for the two of them.

But something inside you snaps at this. You don’t want to sacrifice yourself, just so she can be happy with Yoongi. You duck your eyes down, pretending not to see her beseeching look. “If you don’t deal well with spiders you might not like it here, Victoria,” you say, as you see a pair scurry past your feet, glad of the excuse they give you to ward her off.

“Spiders?” Victoria blanches, and then shakes her head. “Fine, whatever. You two go on. There’s probably nothing interesting in there anyway.” With a toss of her hair, she goes to sit down by the opposite bookcase, waving you and Yoongi on.

You feel bad leaving her behind, but the mystery of what lies ahead of you is too much to resist. With a smile back to her, you step after Yoongi, “We’ll tell you what we see… You’re right, it’ll probably be pretty uninteresting.”

Her lips firm into a thin line. “Whatever.”

With a surge of guilt, you turn back to the darkness and murmuring, “Lumos,” follow behind Yoongi.

“Watch your step,” he calls back to you, “The floor is slippery.”

You see that some mysterious liquid is dripping down from the ceiling above, leaving a dark puddle on the floor. Probably just a broken pipe, but it sends a shudder down your spine none the less. Yoongi holds out his hand to you as you step through the gloom towards him, and you take it gratefully, glad of something to keep you steady as you venture into the darkness, breath clouding on the cold air. You walk further and further and further, until you reach a very exciting… dead end.

“Victoria was right,” Yoongi mumbles, letting go of you, to press his hands to the stone that blocks you from travelling any further, “It wasn’t bound to go far.”

You feel disappointment settle in your gut. You were just starting to get excited for all the places this secret passageway might go.

“What do you think this door was meant for then?” you ask, as you turn around, making like you should go back, but not quite ready to return. After all, once you go back, you’ll be with Victoria again, watching her ogling Yoongi, using every excuse to touch him, while he remains quiet.

Yoongi blows out his cheeks as he looks around, taking in the dark walls lit up by your wand, all cold stone, with nothing to give an indication of what they might be there for. “I don’t know,” he says, “Maybe it used to lead somewhere but it got bricked up… or maybe it was built as a hiding place, if the castle ever came under attack.”

“Maybe…”

You both stand in the dark, looking around for any kind of hint as to what this secret room is meant to be used for.

And then a large bang! sounds. Startled, your body jerks, hand flying to Yoongi’s jumper as a reminder that you’re not alone, and that whatever made that noise, you’ll face it together. Looking back in fear, your mind already concocting the worst monster coming to greet you in the dark, you see nothing, but the door banging shut behind you, and you can’t help but laugh at yourself, seeing the source of the noise, and the senselessness of your fear. You quickly let go of Yoongi’s sleeve, smiling up to him sheepishly. “Sorry. That surprised me!”

He stares down at you, his face softening. “It’s okay. No need to apologise.”

You both walk back to the closed door, blocking out the light of the library, and you try to push it open again, but as you push once, twice harder, third with a bang, it won’t budge. Warm panic floods your bloodstream, and you bang on the door, calling, “Victoria? Victoria, the door’s stuck!” There’s no sound on the other side.

Yoongi leans next to you, mouth close to the door. “Victoria?”

There’s still no sign of your roommate. Despite the searing worry soaking your skin, you feel a shiver travel down your spine. “Do you think she got bored waiting for us and left?” you ask, trying to keep the shake from her voice.

Yoongi glances at you, brows furrowing at the weakness of your voice. “Are you scared?”

“What? No way!” you lie, but with every one of your molecules trembling when Yoongi takes your hand, you know he’s not convinced, feeling you trembling like an autumn leaf under his touch. “Well, so what if I’m scared?” you ask, taking a step back from him, and then leaning on the cold stones and sliding down to the floor, to take the weight off your legs, unable to support you anymore.

Yoongi frowns down at you, face looking all the paler in the blue light from your wand, now wavering with the shaking of your heart. “Well… there’s no problem if you’re scared. I was just… surprised. You don’t strike me as someone who gets scared easily.”

“I’m not!” you tell him, as he steps over, and takes a seat beside you, crossing his legs and resting his back against the wall.

“But this scares you?” He stares out into the dark, leading back to the disappointing dead end.

“Yeah…” you admit in a sigh, tucking your knees up to your chin, and hugging your arms around your legs.

Beside you, you hear Yoongi breath a laugh, but you don’t turn to see the smile on his face.

“Why is that funny?”

“It’s not,” he tells you, “Just… In my mind you’re fearless… I mean, you can handle standing up for me, even though you don’t know me that well… and you’re fine with blood on my face… but we’re stuck in the dark, and that’s what scares you?”

You turn your head to look at him, ghostly in the dark. His eyes are black, blending in with the shadows that swallows up anything beyond the reach of your light charm. The emotions in his pupils are still unreadable, but you feel closer to uncovering the secrets of him, like you might just discover the door to his soul, hidden behind a bookcase, with a curious notebook to guide you there. It’s the first time he’s ever acknowledged his bullying in words, never normally mentioning the bloodying and bruising he’s so prone to getting.

“That’s different,” you tell him, “When I do that it’s… it’s the decent thing to do… and I can deal with pain, and blood, and gore. But this…” you look out to the room around you, the black walls beyond your vision threatening to close in on you while you can’t see them, “I hate this… I hate being trapped.” You turn back to Yoongi, focussing on him, rather than the claustrophobic dark that presses in on all sides. Looking at him keeps you calm.

“Ahh…” he breathes. He falls silent for a few seconds before you see his Adam’s apple bobbing, getting ready to talk again. “Maybe I’ve never actually said this… but I’m glad that it doesn’t scare you off…”

“What?”

“I’m glad that seeing me with blood on my face doesn’t scare you. I’m… really thankful for all that you do for me, although I know I’m bad at expressing it.” He gives you a hopeless smile, “If it weren’t for you, school would be a lot more difficult for me… you’re the only one I feel comfortable showing my hurt to, but I’ve never properly thanked you for it.”

Listening to his voice, lulling in the dark, like a lullaby played for you, you feel your trembling heart stilling inside you, calming with the regular rise and fall of his chest, the soft blink of his eyes, the gentle slope of his smile. Slowly, in the same way that clouds change shape as you watch them, never quite seeing their movement, but knowing they’ve transformed in front of you, you realise that you’ve fallen in love with him.

And that you’ve loved him for a while, but you’ve never understood enough of yourself to see that. All because you were told so many things about love, about what it meant to be in love. You were waiting for a storm to stir in your heart, but instead, Yoongi brings calm. Your experience of love is always going to be different from other people, because other people are different. And that’s okay.

Before you can process any more of this, look into Yoongi’s eyes that offer you warmth and rescue, you hear a banging at the door and Victoria’s voice on the other side:

“Guys! Are you still there?”

“Victoria!” You jump from your daze, and scramble to your feet, “Thank goodness you’re here! The door is stuck, can you open it on your side?”

“Oh Merlin!” Victoria curses on the other side of the wall, “I’m so sorry. I got bored waiting, and left for a little while. I didn’t think you’d get stuck… hang on!”

You hear scraping, and then a wedge of light appears as the door slowly creaks open from her side, and Victoria’s face appears, staring into the dark. “Are you guys okay?” she pulls you out, Yoongi following behind, brushing cobwebs from his jumper.

“We’re fine now,” you assure her, as the door falls closed behind you again.

She offers you a stiff smile. “Good. We should probably get these books back in order.” But as you repeat the words on the notebook, watching the shelves fold back into place, you get the sense that all is not well with her.

Whatever it is, you decide to ask her about it in the evening, rather than embarrass her in front of Yoongi.

♡♡♡

“Is everything okay?”

Victoria looks to you, while she brushes through her curls, sitting in bed in her pyjamas. “What do you mean?”

You shrug, not entirely sure what you mean either. “Just… you seemed quiet today… I thought you would be excited about our find.”

She presses her lips together, running a hand through her shining hair. “Yeah… well… I was kind of hoping you’d volunteer to stay behind today, so that I could go with Yoongi. I mean, you know I like him… so why not let me have that time with him.” Her eyes narrow. “Unless you actually like him yourself.”

“I never said I didn’t like him,” you remind her, “I said I didn’t know if I liked anyone.”

“So you do like him then?”

You bite your lip, face heating up, and then shake your head, not wanting to share the discovery of your feelings with her. The moments spent in the dark with Yoongi, figuring out your own heart are far too personal. “I don’t.”

“Then what’s the problem?” she huffs, “Why can’t you just let me be with him, give us some time alone? Merlin’s beard, you’re dense when it comes to this stuff.”

Anger bubbles up below your skin at her words. What does she know of your experiences? Why can she write them off so easily, all because she feels she deserves her time alone with Yoongi?

“Just… let us have some time by ourselves tomorrow, can’t you?” she asks, pushing up a sweet smile, “These holidays are short, and I want to get closer to him. You understand, right?”

“Fine,” you say, although it’s not fine at all. Not now that you understand exactly what Yoongi means to you.

“Good.” She says tersely, lying down, black curls spilling out around her pillow, and with a murmured spell, she switches out the light.

♡♡♡

The day after finds you in Yoongi’s room, with all three of you sitting on the floor,  wondering what you can do with the remainder of the holiday at your disposal. Any time Victoria doesn’t spend focussing on Yoongi, she’s glowering over at you, clearly hinting that she wants you to leave.

But you’re stubborn, and it takes her standing up, grabbing you by the shoulder and saying to Yoongi, “Sorry… we just need to talk for a moment...” to get you moved.

When he stares up at her confused, she just winks, “Girl problems. I would explain it to you, but I don’t think you want to know…” and Yoongi’s eyes register recognition that she means the joys of periods, before his cheeks heat up and he nods you towards the door:

“Go ahead.”

With that she pushes you out, and drags you over to your dorm room. “Okay, what the bloody hell?” she demands as soon as the door is closed, “I thought we agreed that you would give me some time alone with Yoongi today.” You had known she was angry with you, but you hadn’t expected this venom pouring from her mouth and eyes.

“I didn’t agree to any of that,” you tell her, “You decided for me.”

“What’s the bloody issue?” she asks, “I mean, if you don’t like Yoongi it’s no problem leaving me alone with him, right?”

You stare at her blankly, and she falls to reasoning, “Listen, if you do this for me, I’ll help you get a boyfriend, just like I promised.”

“I don’t want a boyfriend,” you tell her, “And you can’t just push me out like this. Yoongi’s my friend and I have a right to spend time with him.”

She grits her teeth. “I’m not asking you to leave him forever – just to give us some space so I can ask him out! He clearly likes me, so it won’t take long to convince him.”

Your heart drops. “You think he likes you?” Victoria knows a lot more when it comes to love, she must be able to identify the signs a lot easier than you can.

“Of course he likes me,” her eyes glitter like she’s struck gold, “He’s always looking at me, he’s always showing interest in what I have to say. Obviously! He likes me.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to reign back the pain pooling in your veins and arteries.

“You understand, don’t you?” She gives you hand a sympathetic pat, and heads back to the door, leaving you standing, with your cracking heart and her words echoing in your head.

As she closes the door behind her, you hear her murmur, “Colloportus,” and the door locks after her with a sickly squelching sound.

Unsure what to do with yourself, you stand still, feeling numb to your core. You want to move across and unlock the door, go back to where Yoongi is, but your feet are stuck. Your fear of being trapped sends a shudder crawling up your spine, as you imagine the walls compressing to squash you down, even though you know you can counter Victoria’s spell with a simple “Alohomora”.

But above your claustrophobia is a bigger fear – the fear of what Victoria’s doing right now with Yoongi. Will she get her way? Was she right about him liking her? Your mind floods with the image of her kissing him, hands to his face, his fragile face that you’ve healed so many times, fallen in love with over and over again.

It’s enough to push you into motion, forcing yourself to the door, where a quick flick of your wand has the lock springing open again, Victoria’s magic unable to hold you.

But before you can go over to Yoongi’s room, ready for all the spite Victoria might throw your way, his door opens and she rushes out, her face red and tears streaking her cheeks. She pushes past you, barley registering your presence, and disappears down the corridor.

Yoongi appears at the door, eyes dark and dull as he stares at you. A red mark blossoms across his cheek.

You feel your blood drain from your skin.

No. She didn’t. She couldn’t have. 

Before he can say or do anything, you step forward, pushing him back into his room and closing the door behind him. Your fingers tremble up to his face, where you cup his cheek, feeling the heat of his hurt below your cold palm.

“Merlin – what did she do to you, Yoongi?” you ask, anger thundering through you, seeing nothing but the red on his skin.

Yoongi shrugs. “She thought I liked her. I don’t. She got angry. This happened.”

“That’s not on…” you quickly pull out your wand and hold it up to the mark of her hand on his cheek.

“You don’t need to do that,” he murmurs, taking hold of your wrist, “It was only a slap. It will die down. She didn’t really mean to hurt me… she was just angry.”

“So?” you wave your wand anyway, the gentle grip of his wrist allowing you that, “She shouldn’t hurt you, whether she’s angry or not. Hell, Yoongi! No one should be hurting you. Ever.”

Yoongi shrugs his shoulders helplessly, as the red saps from his face, your magic doing its work. “I know that. I do. But after all I go through here, a slap to the face really doesn’t seem so bad.”

You shake your head, disgusted to see what the years of school have done to him. “That’s… no… Yoongi…”

He laughs, with no happiness, “Yeah. I know it shouldn’t be that way. But it’s our last year, and there’s no point getting upset over it… we’ll be out of here soon, and I’ll be free of it all.”

“But what about now?” you say, “You deserve better now, not waiting for you in the future.”

“I’m surviving,” he tells you, “That’s all I need now. To survive.”

His hand, still wrapped around your wrist, slides up your arm to your shoulders, and he pulls you closer, until his head is resting on your shoulder. “Sorry,” he mumbles into your hair, “Just stay close for a moment.”

Without hesitation, you wrap your arms around him, holding him together, feeling his shape against you, the stretch of his shoulders, the slimness of his chest, the point of his chin, the scoop of his collar bone, the pull of his arms.

“I’ll stay here as long as you need me,” you promise, and you hear him choke a laugh against you, like there are tears blocking his smile. You don’t turn your head to see if he’s crying, giving him the privacy of your shoulder.

An eternity, or a second could have gone by. You feel like you have more to say, more to tell him, to let him know that he deserves none of this, that he should have the whole world in his hands, and not a map of bruises.

All you can muster is, “I wish it wasn’t like this.”

“Me too.”

He pulls away from you, his face clean, no sign of tears, only a slight redness around his eyes. “Did you think that I was leading her on?”

“Who? Victoria?”

“Yeah…”

You shake your head, as you keep your hands on his shoulders, looking up to his dark eyes, that were once such a mystery to you, now seeing all the emotions dancing behind them, as if the ice around him has shattered to let you inside. “I never know what you’re thinking, Yoongi,” you tell him, “You keep quiet, you don’t talk a lot, you never complain about what’s happening to you, and it’s hard for me to know what’s going on in your head. Maybe… maybe that’s why Victoria got confused.”

“You don’t understand me?” he asks, and you respond:

“Well, I didn’t. But I think I’m learning more about you now, every day, it’s like there’s more of you to uncover. I like that.”

He smiles, leaning closer to you. “That’s good to hear…” He pauses, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, “But I would like for you to understand me better.”

“Yeah?” You have a hard time concentrating on anything but his lips, so close, drinking up the warmth he gives you, reminding you of your definition of love. Not anyone else’s. For you, love is Yoongi’s heat, the gentle tones of his voice, the soft press of his hands.

He moves a little closer, and your eyes flicker closed, feeling his breath on your cheek. “You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to show myself to,” he murmurs, “Because I know you won’t ever laugh at what you find.”

You hum against him, and feel a ghost of his lips against yours, the beginnings of a kiss, a promise of more to come. As he pulls away, you open your eyes to the cold that comes from his distance. He continues, “I don’t want you to think that I’m leading you on, like Victoria, because I’m not. I don’t want you to be confused…”

You shake your head. “It’s okay, Yoongi. I understand. You’re not as difficult to figure out as I once thought.”

A smile graces his face, scrunching the corners of his eyes. “That’s good.”

You stretch up to press a proper kiss to his lips, now pushed in a smile, and he reciprocates, letting you offer him what you can, hiding in his room for a moment of comfort, away from Victoria, away from the boys that hurt him. They’ll come back to your life soon, but for now you can forget, enjoy this small moment.

And you realise that love can mean many different things. It’s not as black and white as Victoria described. It’s not just finding someone attractive, wanting to spend time with them, to be greedy. It’s more. It’s a need to protect, to care, to help, to trust.

You don’t need butterflies in your stomach to know you love Yoongi, and you don’t need a thousand declarations from him to know he loves you.

In a strange way, even though you’ve been helping Yoongi all these years, without you even realising it, he’s been helping you as well.

♡♡♡

The next day Victoria announces to you that her parents have arranged for her to fly over to America to be with them, since they don’t want her by herself over the holidays.

You wonder if there’s another reason for her sudden decision to leave, but decide not to press it.

Waving her off from your room, with her suitcase packed, you can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief to feel her presence gone from the halls, at least for the rest of the holidays. The space belongs to you and Yoongi now.

With Victoria disappearing around the corner, no wave for you, no acknowledgement of you, Yoongi emerges at his door, just across from your own, smiling over to you.

“We’re alone now,” you tell him, “She’s gone.”

He moves across to you, fingers threading in your own as he holds your hands up against his own, a gateway between you. “Good.”

Finally, you’ll get to spend Christmas with him, just as you always wished you would. And yet, this holiday offers more than you had ever imagined, because you’ve already solved his mystery. You know what he is now.

He’s Yoongi. A friend. A support. A comfort. The man you’ve been in love with for so long, without even realising.

“So, what do you want to do?” he asks, and your mind falls back to the busy list Victoria had made, listing all you could do for the rest of the holidays to keep you entertained. The idea sounds exhausting now.

You pull Yoongi into your room, keeping his hands in your hold. “Nothing.”

“You want to do nothing?”

“I want to sit and do nothing with you.”

Yoongi smiles, that smile you’ve fallen for so easily. “I’d like that.”

You sit down on your bed, and Yoongi lies down by you, with the stitched stars spilled out on the canopy above your heads. You run your fingers through his hair, as you’ve done so many times before. But now, there’s no reason for it, no blood to clean, no hurt to heal, just doing it because you want to. You lean down, kissing his exposed forehead, and wonder at the shiver it sends through you, and the blush it spreads across Yoongi’s face.

How you ended up this way is a mystery, but you don’t mind it anymore. You have years to uncover and discover; there’s no rush. As you go on, you’ll learn more of what love means, let it evolve and change with you.

The mystery of you and Yoongi. Never quite solved. But never quite hidden either.

♡ END ♡

Author’s note: Heck! This is super late! I’m sorry. This was meant to be short... but my brain did it again! It made me write 11k words :’)

On a separate note... I have to go watch all the Harry Potter movies again! It’s been forever since I saw them last D:

[x-purpose]

Below: too many damn words towards the conclusion that power comparison between wildly different series is pointless and bloody stupid, despite Ansem’s dominance issues and why the hell are you even like this you raging idiot.

(with severe apologies to @pestilentpariah, who got this whole stupid train of thought started off but I have not consulted one bit on their own headcanons for any of this - it’s part a general rant about cross-fandom power comparison with Alex and Ansem as examples, part me complaining about my stupid son)

If you go by Kingdom Hearts multiverse rules, Ansem is, at least by series reputation of the Heartless, the most intelligent and dangerous known part of a world-devouring force of pure devouring instinct who cannot be stopped except by wielders of a very specific weapon (the Keyblades) or if you’re willing to widen it, some form of pure Light based power.  Without that in defense, he’s going to overrun and break your world and eat its Heart without much problem.  For most anyone he encounters he and the Heartless are an outside-context problem they have no way of dealing with in the long term.

Problem with all that is context.  That’s in the Kingdom Hearts context.

I’m pretty sure there’s nothing that Alex Mercer can do in Prototype, aside from some of the overtly goopy stuff, that doesn’t come up in Kingdom Hearts.  Those spectacular attacks are pretty standard KH stuff really.  Absurd feats of speed and strength?  Happen all the time.  Absorbing memories?  Easy.  Forming an unholy collective made up of infectious parts yourself spread across bodies?  Pretty much plan Nort in a nutshell.  Surviving and regrowing from a tiny speck of existence?  Been done, it’s insanely hard to kill anyone or anything for good.

The difference is context.  In the overblown cartoonish world of Kingdom Hearts a lot of this stuff doesn’t stick out so much.  In the realistic modern America context of Prototype it’s a mindblowingly horrific level of power that verges on magic.  Alex Mercer in his own context is fucking unstoppable and I love him. 

Then you want to meet the two, and you get Fanboy Problems.  Because each in their own context is set up to be level of threat that cannot be reasonably handled and will blow most/all competition out of the water.  You’re both so used to having everyone in your own fandom accept that your level of power is on or near the last word that adapting can be a bit of a shock.

In this specific case their abilities come from such opposite ends of the general spectrum of how-stuff-works its absurd.  For all the comic book aspects, most of Alex’s abilities are based in a form of science and physics/biology of mass.  The only hint of anything really “supernatural” is in the memory thing, and that depends on how you interpret what genetics means in the series.  Whereas Ansem’s powers are based in a metaphysics so specific to the Kingdom Hearts series that, well, what do you even do except sit down with the other mun and have a massive and potentially headbutting and fruitless discussion of how everything is going to work with their own ideas and verse.  Does Alex have a heart?  Multiple ones from all the people he’s consumed?  Does the Blacklight virus have a supernatural or Darkness based element to it?  How effective are Alex’s physical abilities against the strictly non-physical Heartless?  How effective are they against magical barriers and forces?  Can you infect Heartless with Blacklight?  Can you possess or Nort Alex?  Can Alex consume Ansem, and what would be the consequences there?  How much of Ansem’s power, between the highly inconsistent series levels “master manipulator, final boss, World Of Chaos monstrosity” and “annoying talkative guy who consistently fails to convince Riku of anything ever”, do you use?  How much of Alex’s, between theoretical “unstoppable flesh abomination” and gameplay “normal weapons are enough to take him down with enough concentrated fire”?  And so on ad infinitum.  Unless you are on the same page about absolutely everything or have a really good working rp relationship already it is a recipe for tension and that is not what I want between rp partners even if the characters might be at each others throats.

This is why I tend to prefer overtly picking one verse or the other and doing AUs, rather than flat crossover despite Kingdom Hearts being theoretically perfect for crossover shenanigans - like my LoZ verse with thedemonkingganon where Ansem is specifically placed in that context as part of the Demon Tribe, sans any specifically Kingdom Hearts stuff.  It gives a firm base to his power level and what he can do, even with a lot of flexibility: he’s going to be subordinate to Ganondorf as the reincarnation of Demise, the resident heroes are going to be able to take him down if they’re smart, he’s far less of an all-consuming existential threat to the world even if he has potential. 

But my general rule is: when in someone else’s verse, their relative power level remains the same and my character’s is adjusted to fit.  So regardless of whatever nerdy arguments that could be made about Ansem’s supernatural cross-world powers versus Alex’s massive potential but relatively grounded, one-country-so-far with considerable and not wholly ineffective local military fightback ones, Ansem was going to get his ass handed to him.  Again.

[monstrousthingsrp]

What is the situation with house elves in AU? Are they still around?

That is something that honestly, neither of us have thought about! (Shh don’t tell Hermione lol.) So if you’ve got something in mind you would like to do, odds are good that we will get behind it! Please don’t hesitate to share!

In the meantime, here are the thoughts we’ve pulled together on house-elves:

Most likely scenario is that, yes, they are still around – because even if the government had wanted to exterminate them, could they have pulled it off? Unlikely. But they aren’t going to be utilized by any loyal, good families (e.g. the Weasleys). Anyone who’s trying to appeal to Muggle sensibilities, for whatever reason – genuine assimilation or camouflage/safety – will eschew the use of anything as overtly magical as house-elves.

Rather than a status-symbol, they’ve now become the opposite.

As for the Caravan…well, that isn’t really a life where house-elves make a lot of sense, but if a family had elves to begin with – they could quite possibly still have them, if you want. The relationship betwixt will likely be somewhat different of course, but if you want to explore that go for it! (Maybe the Malfoys have one, maybe even Dobby, but maybe they’re friendly instead… Maybe the Parkinsons had one, and now they’re Pansy and Marietta’s loyal little Igor in the lab! Maybe Regulus still has Kreacher, who helps him and Remus run the school! Maybe Tonks Nymphadora grew-up with a little house-elf nanny, and they’re one of the things she misses the most about life back home in the Caravan? Maybe she sneaked them along, and is now hiding them in Colin’s flat! etc.)

There may also be elves running around “loose” in the Caravan – free, I mean – and how people react to them will likely vary greatly; have fun with that!  (Maybe Narcissa thinks it’s vulgar. Maybe Gabrielle thinks it’s cute.)Certainly modern elves will probably not be so divorced from their original nature that they’ll have moved on to using wands (gasp!) but then again, they don’t really need to in order to do magic, do they? Maybe there are even a few who have become integral parts of the Caravan’s defense – because we know wix-magic and elf-magic don’t always jive, so perhaps part of the reason why the Caravan has been able to stay free is because the Ministry’s agents can’t break their spells due to the layering of elf-magic alongside? Or maybe that’s just a rumor that Remus spread, to throw people off…

Maybe there are free house-elf colonies in the Forbidden Forest – the survivors of Hogwarts (if there were any) would have needed somewhere to go, after all, and perhaps they’ve been joined by others over the years. Maybe there’s a whole little thriving elf-village in there among the unicorns and centaurs and wolves!

Maybe there are homeless house-elves lurking in the shadows and alleys of London, begging for a home that will take them in… Maybe places like Cho’s teahouse and Dean’s bar have an elf on staff, to “look exotic” and entice/disquiet their non-magical patrons… Maybe the offices of the Ministry of Magical Regulation has a few elves around, even!

So – are you interested in adding a house-elf to your character’s life in some way? Go for it! Post a headcanon and introduce them to the rest of us! Or just toss them in with a side-mention in the next appropriate para – whatever works for you, odds are good that it will work for us.

tl;dr – have fun with the idea and do as thou wilt! We trust you guys!

[roggvers]

Initially I didn't have a story for this at all, but I just came up with a premise. It's a modern au, so no gods and magic, just symbolism and archetypes.

Yon Rogg is second in command of a powerful business Empire who wants to get out from his father's shadow (perhaps, they are in the funeral business, to keep with the morbid theme, and his family has no respect for the dead, just the money their passing can generate for them, he is different, however, and so tired of dealing with death, he didn't ask for this)

Carol Danvers is a drifter/con-woman who broke into his house, mistakenly thinking nobody was home because he's just so bloody quiet, climbing through the window she just happened to break 100k $ worth of antique porcelain vases ('fuck rich douchebags, this won't make a dent'), she would have gotten away with it too, if she weren't caught. By the owner.

'great, are you going to tell me the police are on their way?'/ 'no, I have something else in mind how you can repay me for the damage'/'i warn you, Mr Rochester, I have pepper spray and I'm not afraid to use it.' /'it's nothing inappropriate, I promise. There's just something I need.' /'what? /'a wife'/ 'what the fff.'

Yon-Rogg wanted to take control of the company and he needed some shares which were locked in blind trust until he finally got married because his Father assumed his son never would if he hadn't settled down by 45.

'can't you just buy a hooker?'/ 'no, I need a real woman to be my fake wife. And not like you have much of a choice between jail for breaking and entering and hundreds of thousands in property damage and playing this little charade with me, isn't this what you do anyway. No funny business, I promise. You don't even have to be overtly affectionate, people in our circles rarely are.'

They sign a contract, according to which she is obligated to spend at least half a year by his side, as a dutiful wife accompany him to the company functions and scheduled appearances, and on paper they have to be married for at least 5 years, then she gets a quick divorce and a hefty settlement, she'll be set for life. 'what if you fall in love with me?'/ 'you have nothing to worry about, people say I'm not capable of it'.

And I mean, obviously, they fall in love. And at some point he just lets her out of her contract early because he doesn't want her to stay with him out of obligation. She leaves...

Only to come back and ask him to leave the business behind, because his heart clearly isn't in it, and travel the world together. It's never too late. Home is where the heart is so their home is with each other 💜

Yonvers - Modern Hades/Persephone AU

[nalufever]

I wish you would write a fanfic where Lucy is struggling to write a fanfic and some how Natsu knows exactly what to say which leaves Lucy sitting their like ????

‘Inevitable’Word Count:  1434Modern AU where Lucy is a fan fiction writer Rating:  teen, mildly suggestive for swears and kissing  ^^Many thanks to @impracticaldemon for her editing help and awesome feedback *hugs*!

Lucy pulled the afghan up and over Natsu’s legs to his chest. He stirred a little but continued to snuffle soft and sweet into the couch cushion. Watching him relax like this was almost enough to make her forget what an absolute devil he could be when alert.

Friday nights didn’t get any better than this. Turning the TV off, Lucy moved over to her writing desk in the corner of her bachelor sized apartment. It wasn’t much, but for the orphaned girl it was hers. Hers alone - even if her best friend Natsu spent most of his free time here too.

The ancient radio crackled to life as she twirled dials, lowering the volume and changing the station. Lucy loved Natsu’s company but she also needed to devote time to her other passion - writing. Lucy sat down at her desk and snapped on the light, wincing at the sharp retort of the switch. She looked over. Huh, Natsu was now drooling on himself. Down for the count!

Riffling through her supplies, Lucy picked up her latest story and a new legal pad. The pool of lamp-light made the yellow pages take on a golden hue. Favourite pen in hand, Lucy held it over the two choices, wavering back and forth.  Old or new?  Unfinished story or start yet another drabble?

What the heck! Minutes ago she’d been so excited to continue her multi-chaptered fan fiction about Rave Master. But the latest episode of Hakuouki (that Natsu had fallen asleep to) had been so compelling to watch! It looked like Chizuru was going about snagging herself a harem of admirers. But if Lucy was in charge, she’d pair her up with Saito. Mmmm, the taciturn lover of swords was perfect for the shy demon girl. Fuckit! Another work in process was no big deal.

Lucy closed her eyes and let her mind wander. She’d never written for this particular fandom before.  Hopefully her followers on tumblr would still enjoy her fic. Eh, her blog header did say she loved lots of other anime - so it shouldn’t be a big deal. She had inspiration! Beginning by writing a summary, Lucy added some major points and began to craft what she hoped would be a well-received one-shot.

Words flowed for a good half hour. From the basic idea Lucy had, she added to the brief outline and even had her end planned and mostly written. Ugh! The middle point was not working. How was she going to have Saito give Chizuru a sweet compliment? That man was as obtuse as Natsu! Saito only ever noticed swords, fighting and food. Chizuru wasn’t much better; soft-spoken and shy, her best attributes were her willingness to serve and try her hardest.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Lucy chewed on the inside of her cheek as she thought. Saito could say something nice he’d overheard? It wasn’t like he’d come up with something romantic on his own. …It would be even better if it was overtly loving but he didn’t know that could be considered adoring. What? Lucy had muttered her concerns aloud. She jumped to hear Natsu reply:  'Chizuru, you’re sweeter than the tea you serve.’

Huh! That was great! Twisting, Lucy looked at Natsu. He was still sprawled on the couch with his eyes shut. Weird. But he’d helped lots of times before with stories. Lucy shrugged and wrote down Natsu’s suggestion. Awake or half-slumbering, it was good - so use it.

Five minutes later Lucy ran into another stone wall. Fuck! How would Chizuru flirt back with Saito? What the hell would she say?

“Your wits are as sharp as your swords!”

Sure now that Natsu was awake, Lucy spun in her chair and stared at the boy on her couch. He had shifted to lie on his side rather than his back. He couldn’t be sleeping deeply.  But when she tip-toed over and stroked his cheek, Natsu didn’t react. Maybe he was dreaming about the episode they’d watched tonight? Lucy was convinced she’d taken leave of all her smarts to touch her friend like that. There was no denying he was cute. Handsome, even. But in all their years of friendship, they’d never crossed over into romantic territory.

Once again in her chair Lucy sighed. She should not have touched him! Now all she wanted to do was write something spicy for the characters. If she couldn’t have fun then at least Chizuru and Saito gettin’ busy would satisfy her cravings. Well … some of her cravings. If only Natsu paid closer attention. Lucy let her fingers run down the deep v of her thin t-shirt and looked down. The girls were packed in tight tonight. She sighed again. Natsu didn’t ever seem to notice or care what she wore. The shortest of skirts or tightest of shirts; his eyes never strayed from her face as far as she could tell.

Well then, time for Saito and Chizuru to act out what Lucy wished would happen for herself. Giggling, she shook her head and picked up her pen once again. Settling into one of her favourite daydreams, Lucy began to write.

Dammit! Stuck again! She’d gotten them face to face and holding hands - so what now? Would Saito dive in for a kiss or would Chizuru pull away? Immersed in her work, Lucy muttered louder and louder, talking to her manuscript as if it would magically answer back. Would Saito kiss Chizuru or would Chizuru kiss Saito?

“Dammit Lucy!” Natsu had risen from the couch at Lucy’s increase in volume. “The answer is obvious!” He tapped her on her shoulder, making her jump. She’d had no idea that Natsu was right behind her.

The pen skittered on the yellow-lined page and dropped to the floor. Lucy yelped and shot up out of her seat. “What the hell!?”

Ignoring Lucy’s outburst, Natsu leaned over and read the last couple of paragraphs. “I thought that’s where you were goin’ with this.” He slung his arm around Lucy’s neck even as she tried to push him away from her work. “Don’t be so shy! You always let me proofread your stuff.”

“After I edit!” Cheeks hot with embarrassment (over the attempted smut she’d written and how good Natsu smelled, his warmth…and he was still pressed against her!), Lucy turned her face away from his broad grin. Dammit! Why was he so cheerful?

Natsu let his grin turn salacious. Lucy was too cute and he couldn’t hold back anymore. “Chizuru is too shy, just like you. Saito is only mostly clueless like me.” He chuckled. “But we’re the same with waiting for the right moment.”

Lucy turned back to face Natsu. He adjusted his hands to her shoulders. Exactly like she’d written Saito doing with Chizuru! “W-what are you doing?” Any minute now her stomach was going to turn itself inside out.

“Oh, good.” Natsu nodded. “You’ve got the same thunderstruck look on your face as Chizuru would if Saito was touching her.” Now his hands slid down her arms and captured her hands. “After a minute of this what do you think would happen?”

Lucy blinked, opened and closed her mouth without speaking. This had to be a dream. Natsu’s thumbs were caressing her palms! Her knees wobbled. Whoa. Lucy bit her lip as she rummaged in her brain. “Uh …”

Natsu leaned closer. “What do you want to happen? Would Chizuru demand Saito’s kiss or would you kiss me because you couldn’t not kiss me?”

“Ah …” Lucy watched Natsu gulp and lick his lips. He wasn’t as confident as he was acting. He’d switched from using the character names to their own! Was this the opportunity she’d been dreaming of? …"I think you’re right.“ Before her courage could dessert her, Lucy pressed her lips to Natsu’s.

His hands moved immediately, gently cradling her face. Lucy sighed and Natsu took advantage, his tongue reaching out to taste Lucy’s mouth. Unsure of what to do with her hands, Lucy let them hover - and then grab tight hold of Natsu’s shirt at his waist.

How long had she dreamed of kissing Natsu? Too long. And from the fervour of his kiss, he must have been wanting the same thing. So intense and thrilling - Lucy pressed against Natsu’s body. Everything was buzzing from her pulse to her hormones. He changed his angle of attack, making their teeth clack. That wasn’t a big deal, this was her first kiss and most likely his too.

Practice makes perfect. And practice, now that they were aware of each other’s desire, was inevitable.