#or legitimate fears about your wellbeing (i.e. knowing that life is often harder and less safe for trans people)

[trans-humanish]

You can also care that they're upset, and continue to make the same choices! It's totally normal to be hurt by the distress of people you love, but that doesn't have to determine your actions. It can be a factor in what you choose to do, but it's much more helpful as a cue to examine why they're feeling upset, than to let those feelings dictate your choices.

When someone gives the advice of “don’t be afraid to disappoint your parents” they don’t just mean taking music theory in college or starting a YouTube channel.

It also means wearing things they might not approve of. Using accommodations that they might not think you need. Not falling for their guilt trips. Eating when you’re hungry, not when it suits them and their idea of your weight or health. Making your own friends instead of seeking the stamp of approval from them.

Of course, some parents are stricter than others, and some use abuse to keep you from expressing yourself. But do what you can, even if it seems small.

Otherwise, when your parents are no longer in the picture, you’ll try to find it somewhere else to get validation. A strict boss, an abusive partner, a selfish friend.

Going against your parent’s wishes is developmentally healthy. Not doing so stunts your independence and self-regulation. You shouldn’t be living to constantly please others, even the people who love you.