#or just really do anything on this blog again lol i’ve kinda abandoned it recently im sorry

[arthnold]

im gonna post some wips/unfinished projects to this blog, idk if people are interested in that kindof stuff lol i always feel like my sketches are way too messy for anyone to rlly understand ;-; but yea i’ve got some partly finished series stuff in my drafts and i wasn’t gonna publish it until everything’s done butuhhhh im kinda busy right now so idk when i’ll get around to finishing it. so i might as well put up what i have now. hope you guys like it :))))

[msgrumpygills]

So I’m kind of new to the fandom. I’ve been casually watching the show for a couple years now but only recently got into the fandom side. And I have to say, never in my life have I seen so much drama and toxicity in one place. I’m ashamed to admit that I’m enjoying the drama though lol.

Before I start though, I personally believe you can make anyone sound problematic if you try hard enough, we’ve all done and said stupid things, but when you decide to become famous you should be ready to be held accountable for the smallest things, not saying it’s right. It’s just how things are unfortunately.

So far I’ve decided that I just don’t like Jared and Danneel,did you know she used the same bullying tactics that Jared has used? I saw a screenshot from her story where she called someone out for... being mean to her? I can only hope the poor girl is ok after her dms were most likely flooded with angry stans. And she just seems so tacky, it’s really obvious if you take a look at her tweets from a decade ago, this woman does not have the potential or capacity to be any kind of famous.And honestly I think one of your anons were right about J2 being trumpies, especially Jared, I was looking for dirt on him and the guy said in a tweet that cracker is a slur? So far everyone I’ve met who had those kind of ideologies turned out to be somewhat of a racist so idk. As for Jensen, he seems to be a bit smarter in the sense that he knows when to stay quiet, but I think he’s probably the same as Jared. I think I remember him making a joke right alongside Jared when he was making that chloroform rape joke. And I think he said the N-word in his last panel with Jared? I think it was a fan’s name. I’ve been told he got the name right the first time and then practically said the N-word the second time around. I do think J2 are closet republicans who are trying to seem progressive because that’s what sells these days.

And Gen, she just seems so... uninteresting? Like I have no desire to know anything about her, unlike the others. But your blog helped out a bit with that. I still think she’s boring and uninteresting lol. I honestly think she should’ve just tried to get a role without Jared’s help. It probably would’ve been real hard, but earning a role through nepotism will not help her career if she decides to ever have one again. But then again, I remember thinking her acting paled in comparison to Katie Cassidy’s, who also played the character Ruby the season before Gen came along. So good luck to her I guess lmao.

So far the only one I’m unsure about is Misha? I mean you’ve got the hardcore Jared stans and the hardcore Misha stans, from what I’ve seen, both sides are extremely biased, and frankly, they all look like idiots from the outside, and they both have completely different beliefs. But you seem to be a bit more level headed, so I thought I’d ask you,tell me all the dirt. What are some of the shitty things he’s done? And I’m sorry this got so long.

The Supernatural fandom is one of the worst fandoms to be in. One of the big reasons that I stopped watching the show was because of the fans, I’ll be honest. But yeah, it is kinda fun to watch the drama, as long as you’re at a distance and safe! 

I absolutely agree that anyone can be problematic. Hell, if I became famous and people found my old tweets or Facebook posts, even Tumblr posts, I’d probably be “cancelled” or called out. I’m not a terrible person, but we’ve all been young and dumb and we’ve all been embarrassing, that’s just part of life. 

Danneel has absolutely been a bitch, there’s really no nice way of saying it. Fans have had horrible experiences with her in real life too. I think if she was more active on social media again, she’s still be showing her true colors, but she’s not active really.  I do remember Jared’s “cracker” controversy and like....I try not to be political, but really dude? I’m white and I don’t consider cracker to be racist or a slur. It’s ridiculous to me? I’m no History major, but I don’t recall people using cracker to describe white people who were considered “lower than” others. 

Jensen is overall a lot smarter than Jared, but he has made mistakes still. The difference is that Jensen apologizes, he holds himself accountable, and he changes his behavior to make sure that he doesn’t make those mistakes again. No one is perfect, but at least Jensen can own up, take responsibility and change. Jared....well we know Jared.

Gen is....well you said you’ve seen my blog, and there are other “antis” here who can shed even more light. She’s uninteresting but thinks she’s the bee’s knees. 

Don’t be sorry about the message getting long! I’m famous for being long-winded, so you’re among friends! 

Misha is......Misha. His fans are absolutely insane (I know there are some normal ones) so any sort of negative backlash against him is usually buried. I’ve made a few posts about him and why I stopped really being a fan of his, but I will try to summarize! 

I started getting kind of turned off to him around the 2016 election because he was bombarding social media with politics and I just wasn’t there for it. A lot of fans came after me for that but that’s their prerogative. I actually started seeing some anti posts on here and went down a rabbit hole of things that I’d looked past or didn’t know about that all mounted up. Some of those things are; (I don’t have links for everything because the one blog that had compiled everything together isn’t active anymore, but someone might have screenshots!) Also in no particular order!

Misha admitting to leering at kids at a playground while preparing for his role in Karla. 

Having his young female fanbase send him pictures of themselves only wearing cheese bikinis or kale swimsuits, etc. for GISHWHES. I know some people think “it’s just a goofy scavenger hunt” but if it wasn’t Misha Collins, would you want your barely legal sister sending pictures of her only wearing cheese to a 40 something year old man? 

His constant blatant disrespect for Jensen and his aversion to Destiel, his baiting of the fans and complete abandonment of Jensen when he gets the backlash. 

He baits the Destiel fans to the point of them making Jensen uncomfortable, then when Jensen puts his foot down, the fans attack him harshly. Where was Misha for that? Silent. Even though he was the one who eggs everyone on. 

Being rude, sexual, and otherwise inappropriate in front of children at conventions. I know fans will say “it’s not his responsibility to monitor kids!” but the fact that he continues to act like that while knowing there are kids in the audience is weird. I wouldn’t be making sexual jokes or being lewd in front of kids, that’s gross. 

His whole “charity” act that is really just him profiting from his “kindness” acts and his GISHWHES hunts. Pretty charitable of him. 

The fact that he uses Stands to push baiting merchandise onto fans with no regard to how Jensen feels, just to make a buck. (In addition to that, he doesn’t reign in the Stands staff who are horrible to fans and customers.)

I’m sure that there’s more, but that’s all I can think of at the moment! Hopefully that sheds some light! I try not to be too biased either way, but with some of the things it’s hard not to.

[jtrbluv]

tag game !

tagged by the lovely linh @latetaektalk ,, thank u soso much! this was so fun omg

tagging: @allurain @koushiningg @dreamystuffers @jinpanman @dulce-pjm @suhdays @pjmsdior @bangtans-peaceful-piegon @sugacouture

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

um i didn't rly write for any fandoms when i was younger, but i knew my 12yo self was probably conjuring harry potter headcanons in my head D:

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

for now, and for a long time, i've been writing for bts. i've like always been a multi from the moment i got into kpop but i've never actually fleshed out any of the wips i had for any other groups LMFAO. honorable mentions are got7, skz, haikyuu yup

3. how long have you been writing?

a longggg time, i think. i enjoyed writing fiction as a kid a lot. most of it would be like off-brand spy kids/harry potter/hunger games type beat stuff. and it was awful. but i was literally like 9 so cut me some slackLKSDFJSLKDjf

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

primarily tumblr and i only recently made an ao3 acc. the only fic i have on there is a tae drabble that's already posted on here LOL. i think it's 'resolutely, yours.' but i don't even remember bye. i remember i drafted drivers license on there but i literally forgot to post it so it's probably gone HAHA.

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

e2l even though i have no e2l fics on this blog i think

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

i used to never plan my fics, like at all. but then i was so unsatisfied with the flow of things and like idk lack of clarity. drivers license was the first time i actually sat down and planned out an entire fic as i was writing it. it rly does make things easier when u have an idea of what u want. and then just having the idea can help you possibly expand on it and get even better ideas off of it. the events of drivers license and the order it was all written in changed like 20394803 times. but yeah, does that make sense... LMFAO

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

one shots because i can never fucking get myself to finish a series. i love reading them tho

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

no clue. i love long stories and slow burn tho, it's just so satisfying and $wag when it's well-written and the characters are well-written too.

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

the fic i'm about to post is nearing 20k, and it might even surpass that which will end up being the longest story on this blog. insane! drivers license is around 10k i think, and then if u combine the wnrs couple's fics it's like 15k? im too lazy to look tbh SRy

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh drivers license for sure! i don't think i've ever immersed myself and put so much effort into a story before. it was truly an amazing experience, and i just know that i'll probably never be able to write anything like that fic ever again. it's rly one of a kind for me.

11. favourite request you've have written and why (if any?)

most of the requests i had on this blog got taken down bc they were so bad. i'm not sure if the yoongi superhero!au is still up on here, but i'd choose that one since i really had to branch out of my writing style for it. regardless of it being like barely 2k.

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

miscommunication, so much banter, i used to see this a lot but i would take it out but... head bonking ??LSKDFJHAHA, my side characters being dumbasses and then my main characters being even bigger dumbasses (oc probably being the biggest dumbass)

13. current number of wips?

during the course of writing the current fic i plan on posting this week, i created like 5 wips and they all hit 5k, and then i straight up abandoned them. and then the endless idea bank google doc. so if i count the wips i for sure want to finish by like this year or summer... like 3 or 4.

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i feel like i repeat stuff a lot throughout all my stories LOL,, it irks me so bad. i think i relate to all my ocs in at least one way or another.

15. a quote you like from a published story

alrighty this is a lil snippet from 'drivers license':

this is from the second letter oc wrote to jk:

"The same delusional daydreamer hopes that one day we can talk and laugh like old pals. Like nothing ever changed between us. I hope you achieve your dreams that you always thought seem too far-fetched, yet in the back of my mind I always knew you could easily grasp. I hope someday you can live a life of lesser worries and insecurities, because you rarely had any to start off with. I always hoped the world for you, because you deserve it. And despite everything, I still believe you do."

this paragraph seems pretty simple but i think it did the best job of like describing oc's emotions and realization of things,, its kinda cliche tew yas love that

16. a quote from an unpublished story

alr this is from the e2l jimin series that is going to take me forever to write bc the outline for it is SO LONG

“Would it kill you to at least show up with a shirt on?“ You sneer, patting your forehead with the back of your hand due to the sweltering sun. The event hasn’t even started yet and you can already feel your hair sticking to the back of your neck.

Crossing his arms, he scoffs, his biceps bulging out as his arms bend. Not like you were staring at them. “Sorry couldn’t hear you, too busy boosting the school’s morale.”

17. space for you to say something to your readers

i feel like i don't show enough appreciation to my readers and mutual on this blog. i have met so many lovely people and have gotten so much support, i hope u all know that it does NOT go unnoticed. i always tend to go back and reread all the comments and asks that i get on my stories bc it rly does make my heart soar. it makes my day!!! thank u all for sticking with me thru all my 3am shitposts and inconsistent writing schedule LOL,, you all have my whole heart and some more <3

[secretly-of-course]

thank you for the tag @localspacelesbian!

name/nickname: Amanda

gender: cis female

star-sign: aquarius

height: 5’3”ish

time: 7:13 pm

birthday: january 22

favorite bands: Julie and the Phantoms (obviously), ABBA, the Vamps, and Big Time Rush always holds a place in my heart

favorite solo artists: Lauv, Taylor Swift, Shawn Mendes, lately has also been a lot of Olivia Rodrigo and Jeremy Shada too

song stuck in my head: i should call my friends by Shawn Mendes

last movie: technically i have Moana on right now lol but the last movie i watched in full was To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

last show: jatp,,,, i think everyone in the fandom is just constantly rewatching lmao

when did i create this blog: early 2019 i think

what do i post: original content? diary of andi and the phantoms (but reblog pretty much anything i enjoy)

other blogs: my primary blog @/miracufan which i abandoned a while ago ( @staff needs to let us switch primary and secondary blogs 😤)

do i get asks: surprisingly yeah sometimes :D (ik there is at least one anon who doesn’t have an account and sometimes people just want to tell me things and it’s very exciting every time i get one)

why i chose my url: it’s a spongebob reference plus my irls don’t really know i’m here so it fits lol

following: 300+

followers: 400+ (thank you guys 💕)

average hours of sleep: idk bro 6-9 on any given night (which i recently learned makes sense since our sleep cycles occur in 3 hour increments? who knew)

lucky numbers: 🤷🏻‍♀️ kinda vibe with 18 no idea why

instrument: none

what am i wearing: blue sweatshirt-ish shirt with stripes just on the chest (i mentally refer to it as my Adrien Agreste shirt and if you understand that reference i am sorry you share my trash taste), blue jeans, and Rilakkuma socks my friend gave me (if you don’t understand that reference look it up it’s very cute)

dream job: a fashion designer of some kind (but tbh just vibing would be so nice)

dream trip: i’ve always wanted to visit my long distance best friend in Tokyo (same friend who gave me the socks actually) but who knows when we’ll get up go places and see people again 😔

nationality: american :P

favorite song: you can’t even ask me this 😔 my number 1 spotify song last year was Modern Loneliness by Lauv, ive listened to Driver’s License by Olivia Rodrigo lord knows how many times in the past week, there’s ab 85% chance at any given time a jatp or taylor swift song is playing in my head,,,, honestly who knows

last book i read: bruh when was the last time i read a book that wasn’t fan fic probably Michelle Obama’s memoir

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: Andi Mack/Shadyside (i just want to enjoy a milkshake at the spoon please 😔), atla universe (bruh i just want to be an air bender), and an animal crossing island (what i wouldn’t give to own my own home and just vibe on an island with all my friends and do crafts and such,, the dream tbh)

i’m gonna tag @camb99-cbmi6 @arthurandmerlin and @liamisthesun (only if you want to of course! ik it’s a pretty long one!)

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Hajime Sakura Epilogue

First post of the month.... so I’ll start by asking you to please support me if you can either on ko-fi, donations through paypal or on patreon for early access to my stuff and blog translations or just to support me. check out my lookout list if you own any hakuoki cds since im missing the audio for those on that list... removed more items thanks to downloading all sorts of stuff from assorted sources lol. Also check out my Stuff I have list if you’re interested in looking for Hakuoki content to translate.

*sigh* fuck it lol. i desire Saito stuff so i ended up translating this....ssl is going to drive me insane lol.....  *insert pitiful laughter here.*

anyway, in Yuugiroku 2 there are 2 『桜下恋語り』 stories per char.. and this is the 『 恋染めし日』 one for Hajime since it’s post-zuisouroku (i’ll refer to the other one by the character’s surname if I ever get to it though I kinda doubt it since I only have text translations for Harada’s epilogue for that... and well, i’m not interested in pulling text off videos. never again unless its for an otomate party drama... or saito stuff from when ginsei no shou is released lol). I’m now going to call these ‘sakura epilogues’ due to how these are all post main-game... and cuz i’ve already associated ‘scenario’ with the kyoka-roku rain stuff. Also, unless someone else translates whatever this is actually called (i don’t feel like googling mtling it), I’m going to do whatever (tho i will ask you why you aren’t translating hakuoki content if you aren’t already should you do so! :P) lol.

i should probably mention that there are actually few more lines after where i have “the end” if you view this story via the filling up the sakura meter method which basically amounts to to the whichever char’s epilogue you are unlocking asking if you want to continue, and then commenting a bit more if you select ‘no.’ Since I don’t have anything to translate for that though... this translation is just what you see if you view the scene via the unlocked cg menu.  

do not repost elsewhere. all images used in this are my screenshots from the game. also, Chizuru does not have a surname provided during this portion of the game. 

This will not be edited further since I made a video for this though I did add in that last line I missed.

Enjoy <3!

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Hajime Sakura Epilogue

Translation by KumoriYami

——On a warm and sunny day in spring.

Tonami, which had been completely covered in snow during the winter, was finally welcoming spring with its vibrant [says: scarlet] blooming sakura.

Hajime-san and I were chatting as we stood under the shade of a tree, and after resting for a while, we looked towards the gorgeous blooming pink blossoms [says clouds/sunrise/sunset].

Chizuru:.......Tonami's sakura, they've finally started blooming.

Saito Hajime: Nn. Compared to Kyoto and Edo, the sakura here can be considered late.

Saito Hajime: Furthermore, although the sakura are now blooming, snow can still be seen in the surrounding mountains, which would be completely unthinkable in either Kyoto or Edo.

Chizuru: That's because we're very far north of Edo.......

As far as the eye could see, it seemed as if everywhere was welcoming the arrival of spring, [and] the sight of blooming sakura filled our sight.

At first glance, although the snow seemed to have melted away......

But in fact, there were many places where the sun hadn't been able to reach.

Chizuru: It appears, that it will take a while for all the snow to melt.

Saito Hajime:......Yes, though it is possible that it might snow again.

Saito Hajime: Chizuru, Even...... even if there's still snow, shall we go watch the sakura?

Saito Hajime: I have really been looking forward to enjoying the snow sakura today with you.

The corners of Hajime-san's lips were slightly lifted, and he was faintly smiling. 

Hearing Hajime-san's words, I just couldn't help but remember something and as the words caught in my throat, I wondered if I should tell him. 

Chizuru: That....... That, Hajime-san, I actually already saw the snow sakura........

Saito Hajime: What.......?

Chizuru: Actually....... last night, I woke up by chance and went outside, and ended up seeing some snowflakes falling. 

Chizuru: I originally thought they were only sakura petals, but they were colder to the touch than I thought.

Chizuru: Hajime-san?

Seeing Hajime-san suddenly become silent, I carefully asked him.

As Hajime-san revealed an expression that resembled that of an abandoned puppy, he spoke in a quiet voice to himself.

Saito Hajime: Why didn't you tell me? I also wanted to enjoy the snow sakura together with you......

Chizuru: B-but it was midnight then......!

Chizuru: Because I saw Hajime-san sleeping so soundly, I didn't have the heart to wake you then......

I shook my head in a hurry, explaining why I hadn't woken him.

Hajime-san however didn't seem satisfied with my explanation, and still remained silent without saying a word.

Saito Hajime: […………]

Chizuru: Then....... Hajime-san, are you still upset?

Saito Hajime:.......I'm not upset. Only, if you don't wake me up, it's not possible for us to watch them together.......

Chizuru: I, I'm very sorry......

The tone of his voice made my heart ache, and I could not help but look away.

As Hajime-san raised his head and looked up towards the clear blue sky, a sigh escaped his lips.

Saito Hajime:......I, perhaps I am more wilful than I thought.

Saito Hajime: The first snowfall, the first sakura, and the first of the snow sakura…… I want to see everything together with you.

Hearing Hajime-san whisper to himself, I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

Although what happened was an accident, knowing that I had seen the snow sakura by myself, however made me feel ashamed.

Chizuru: Truly...... I'm very sorry.

Saito Hajime: No, I'm not upset, you don't need to apologize.

Saito Hajime: It's just...... sometimes, I feel a bit uneasy. My love and your love, are both sides equal?

Saito Hajime: Or is it, that I am only wishfully thinking about my feelings towards you—— [rephrase later?]

Chizuru:......It's not like that.

Seeing the flash of emotions in Hajime-san's eyes, I shook my head.

Chizuru: It would be better to say, that I loved Hajime-san more——

If Hajime-san felt uneasy, then it was my responsibility to dispel such emotions.

I quietly approached him, in order to silently convey these feelings of mine.

Saito Hajime: ……Chi-Chizuru……

The petals of the sakura that blossomed early rose from their branches in the wind, drifting gently, and fell slowly after brushing my cheek. [reword later]

I snuggled and nestled up to Hajime-san while embracing him, and as I held him tightly, I spoke.

Chizuru: I think, my love for Hajime-san, it will not be outdone by your love.

Saito Hajime: What……?

Chizuru: My love for Hajime-san, surely, it must be the deepest in the world.

Chizuru:......In this aspect, I will absolutely not be outdone by(/lose to) Hajime-san.

Saito Hajime:......What nonsense are you saying, I will not be outdone by you.

Suddenly, Hajime-san's words regained their former tenderness.

In order to convey these strong emotion, I pulled him into a tight embrace.

With the ridiculous idea that whoever let go first would lose, we hugged each other for a long time.

——Eventually, the two of us separated from each other at the same time.

The moment we parted, we found ourselves blushing because of what happened just now.

Chizuru: So-sorry, Hajime-san. I can't believe I did that sort of thing......

Saito Hajime: Although you've said that...... I am the same as you.

Saito Hajime: An, anyway, [since] there's nothing to do now, shall we return home?

After that, I followed Hajime-san who was sakura-red in the face as we began walking home.  

——END——

*happy sigh*

due to my bias, this is probably one of my favourite translations... i kinda like how uncertain Saito is portrayed in in these post main game stories as they’ve shown how his concern is still Chizuru’s happiness.... though this makes me think that there isn’t really a lot of time between the main game’s ending and the endings of of zuisouroku and reimeiroku since Saito is aware of how their life is more difficult in Tonami which is also mentioned in the my tl of saito’s hana no shou after story. 

Also, I recently found Chinese translations of more of these yuugiroku 2 post-zuisouroku sakura epilogues for chikage and souji.... bringing my total (counting this one) to 5/6. will get to those after ssl... whenever the hell that is. this was only done to indulge myself and i don’t intend to do more unplanned translations lol.

[sanguinesprout]

A fearsome brooding storm (some updates and blah)

So... it’s been a while, almost 10 months since my last entry, wow. That’s sounds like a really long time in words but in reality it went by like a flash. I didn’t forget about this blog and I’m not gonna abandon it though!

The reason for the long break, well, to be honest at first I just didn’t feel up to writing. I wasn’t feeling too bad mental-wise actually but I didn’t feel I had much to say that wasn’t already kinda said. Things went on unexpectedly steadily and I felt I was actually making some progress up until a few months ago with the world being thrown into disarray by the pandemic and more recently with my physical health suddenly taking a sharp turn for the worst (not related to the virus).

I don’t know what to say other than I’ve been and still am really scared right now. I know this sounds overdramatic, but I’ve been genuinely worried that I might die any day now. Whenever the symptoms get really bad my mind just spirals into all these anxious thoughts and worst conclusions. 

I feel so terrified and numb at the same time, I just really hope I’ll be okay in the end. I’ve been trying my best to not panic, reassuring and distracting myself when I can. I wish I had some more support from my family in that way too, but they don’t really know how to give that sort of thing I guess. I know they are concerned for me though, even though I feel like such a nuisance to them especially right now... I have to remind myself that becoming ill wasn’t my fault though, life just really sucks sometimes.

I have been desperately waiting for news of appointments for tests every day but there’s a really long waiting list, so who knows when I’ll hear from anyone. It's really saddening and depressing, there are so many people suffering and the pandemic has only made it so much harder for everyone to get help. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for those working non-stop to help others right now too. All illnesses suck! I wish they didn't exist so no one would have to suffer!

It’s difficult to be positive right now, but I have to try. Don’t worry yourself so much silly me, you’ll be fine! Like with every other difficult time, you’ll pull through and look back on it and maybe even laugh about it. Most things are never as bad as you expect them to be. You’re strong and have lots of nice things ahead of you to accomplish. Don’t give in to the dark thoughts and feelings! You’re gonna be okay!

Because of the illness and the pandemic situation, I decided to quit my job. I feel like maybe I took the bad and avoidant way out and cut it off instead of just being brave and prolonging it with a sick note and sick leave. The thing is though, I’m uncertain if and when I’ll get better and also with the pandemic situation, I want to protect my parents as much as possible and that means minimising exposure to other people. 

My parents were supportive of this decision, they worry a lot for me too (though I wish they’d worry about themselves more and take their own health more seriously!!). I hope I will be able to get another job in future and maybe even in some place I feel more passionate about, that would be nice.

Anyways, to get away from those dreary topics. In the time between the last post till now I’ve been trying to get back into drawing and actually managed to make some small simple pieces I actually felt proud of. It took me so much will power to do it though with all the anxiety and reluctance still overpowering my motivation to do just about anything, so that made it even more meaningful. A tiny step forward is still something!

I’ve also been poking my blogs around some more. I agonised over the small details far too much again, but I can say that I’ve finally got them sorted for real this time. It’s just the actual use of them that is a hurdle I still struggle to get over. I’ll get there though! I have much more determination this time. 

There were a few times I tried to comment on other people’s things elsewhere and that was super difficult and I may have deleted some of them but I tried at least. I just need to do things more to get used to them again. It’s just so hard to not let all those judgey thoughts about myself occupy my mind. C’mon me, you can get over it, you can do it!

The friend I occasionally message hasn’t written back for a long time. I worry that maybe they got tired of me and finally split, but they told me previously that they were very busy and were apologetic, it is probably even more so with the current state of the world. It’s rude of me to jump to conclusions, but even if they did ghost me, I wouldn’t really be offended or anything. A lot of times I felt like I wanted to get away myself. 

It feels really bad to say that and I know it’s mostly the avoidant in me talking, but sometimes friendships just fizzle out too and there’s no helping it. I wouldn’t want to drag anyone along and make them feel uncomfortable. I wonder if I should contact them again, because I am worried about them too, but I don’t want to disturb or put any unnecessary stress on them. I guess I’ll just wait for now until things become normal again at least.

I think for this blog, I’ll just write whenever I feel like it rather than trying to force myself to write it every month (which I already failed lol). I do have a lot of other things I want commit my time to now and if I do them, I’ll maybe end up with more stuff to write here too, so it’s still going to be work out fine!

I kept thinking whether there would be any point of me posting things, seeing as my situation right now is so uncertain, but that’s not optimistic of me at all. You only live once, so you should try your best and do the things you want to do no matter what! 

I think I’ll stop here now. But maybe a little more last second pep talk first before I sign off! Things may be tough but you’ve got this! You are way stronger than you think and can overcome all the difficulties you may be facing! Every little step amounts towards big progress! The best time to do the things you want to do is right now! Don’t let your fears control your happiness and desires! You can do it!

Until next time (hopefully)! Take care and don’t give up! ^^

[sterekshaven]

Author Asks

Rules: answer these questions and tag five other fic writers to do the same.

I was tagged by @novemberhush and @rieraclaelin! Thank you! ♥

Author Name: Smowkie (except on tumblr, where it’s this blog, not my smowkie blog xD)

Fandoms You Write For: Sterek. I have a couple of WIPs that are for other fandoms/ships, but I kinda doubt I’ll ever post anything but Sterek.

Where You Post: ao3 (fics/drabbles), tumblr, and pillowfort.

Most Popular One-Shot: According to ao3 statistics, based on kudos, it’s Kyle’s great plan =) (3k, outsider pov, bamf Stiles)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Well, Stay is the only multi-chapter story I have, so xD (18k, 5+1 bedsharing fic)

Favourite Story You Wrote: I’m gonna go with Puppy howl for that, though honestly, it varies. It depends on a lot of things (and sometimes it’s WIPs too), but I really do like Puppy howl. =) (5,5k, Derek gets de-aged and turned into a puppy, Stiles (and John) takes care of him)

Story You Were Nervous to Post: All of them xD It’s always nervous to post fics, but for most nervous I’m gonna say it’s a toss-up between three of my fics, A touch so right (7,6k of explicit Sterek with prostitute Stiles, the first explicit thing I ever posted (probably the only explicit fic I’ll ever post, tbh), which was nerve-wracking), Consent is Sexy (1,9k, about assumed consent between Sterek, that was hard to post because it’s a very important topic and I was scared I somehow would fuck it up and that people would be angry with me) and In your head (5,9k where they get to see inside each other’s heads, which was scary to post because I poured a lot of my headcanons about Derek in there, and I didn’t know how it’d be received (it’s honestly one of my favorite fics of mine, and I liked it a lot when I posted it, so that made it harder too, what if people hated it when I liked it so much?)).

How Do You Pick Your Titles: Lol. I just go with the first thing that comes to mind that I can stand for the fic. I’m horribly bad at titling fics, and it’s one of the things I like the least about writing, it’s so hard, and I always end up with titles I don’t really like but at least it has a title, so whatever, kinda xD @rieraclaelin gets to hear me whine about titles a lot when I post things, the worst are the drabbles tbh, just 100 words and to post them on ao3 I have to give them a title, like? It barely has words in it, and I have to figure out a title for it? Awful. xD

Do You Outline: Not really, no. It’s something I should do, so I don’t write myself into corners all the time or write several k into something that doesn’t work/that I hate/don’t like/have to rewrite if I want to continue, etc., but outlining kinda sucks the fun out of writing for me, so *shrugs*

How Many Of Your Stories Are Complete: All of my posted ones are complete, but uh *glances at WIP folder*

In-Progress: In progress are just... well, technically it’s actually none atm, but I did write like 70k of a zombie apoc recently (except I didn’t outline, and now I don’t like what I’ve written (kinda. I do love parts of it), so I’ve kinda abandoned it, because I have to rewrite like at least half of it if I’m ever gonna get anywhere else with it, which, naah), and a couple of k of a post apoc after that (that one didn’t suck me in though, idk), so those were both in progress just days ago, but I doubt I’ll get back to them. Honestly, my WIP folder... there are so many started fics, so many almost finished fics, so many ideas and outlines and whatnot, and it happens that I go back to one of them and add things, making it into something that’s actually in progress, but most of the time they just sit there. I have some that I really want to finish though, so, maybe ten?

Coming Soon: Well, that is a very good question.

Do You Accept Prompts: Definitely, yes. Absolutely. I currently have one prompt in my inbox that I haven’t managed to write for, but all the other prompts I’ve gotten sent to me have been written, and getting prompts is generally the only way to get me to finish and post things these days (which makes that unfilled one in my inbox even more annoying, argh! I wanna write it, it’s a good prompt, but I’ve tried so many times and I just can’t, I don’t know why, it’s super frustrating).

I have the BTHB tropes post that I definitely still take prompts for, and I honestly love the two prompts I got for the “I wish you’d write a fic where...” post I reblogged, they were both great prompts and super easy for me to write (first and second), but honestly, any kind of prompts are welcome.

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: I’m gonna go with the next finished one. xD I have WIPs I’m super excited about, that I love, but that I’m also kinda sure I’ll never finish, sooo, yeah, the next fic I finish is the one I’m the most excited for. I can’t wait! xD

I tag... uh. I’ve seen this go around, but I can’t remember who has done it, so if you have, just ignore my tag (unless you wanna do it again, that is xD), and I’m just gonna tag some authors I know: @yodas-yo-yo @crazyassmurdererwall@fivescupofcoffee @fandommadememad @fastfadingfiction @anefan @misfitmonarchythings @mutualpiningandawkwardness @welshwoman1988 =) As always though, no pressure if I’ve tagged you, these are supposed to be for fun =)

[ship-ambrosia]

Let's start with the most recent obsession taking over my life; Fairy Tail.

So I started it in January, I own the final volume, I've watched the last episode of fairy tail Zero, but I have three more episodes of the Tartaros arc to watch. Literally the next season is gonna start this fall and I'm still not gonna have it finished lol. Now that my class is over I plan to finish it before school starts again.

Anyway, my top ship from Fairy Tail is probably pretty easy to discern; Gruvia. I love Gray and Juvia as separate characters, Juvia is definitely my favorite female character and Gray is pretty damn close with Natsu for the top spot out of the guys. I loved Gruvia even before I started the fandom. Gruvia Week was how I met a lot of friends on tumblr, and how I found a lot of blogs that I admire as well as being the first showcase for my fanfictions, so in that way even years from now Gruvia will probably always be very special to me.

Here's some Gruvia Headcanons of mine:

- Juvia is, in my opinion, drop dead gorgeous. The most beautiful girl in Fairy Tail. I imagine if she was in real life she'd have that sort of eerie beauty, that like she's so perfect she seems like a vampire or something. Like very pale, ivory skin, elegantly shaped eyes that are so crystal blue, full lips, that unfair hourglass figure. She seems so shy in her appearance that I can't help but feel like one of the things that also alienated her from people aside from her rain was just how pretty she was. She either got lots of attention from people, or she got lots of jealous glares from people.

- I think it's pretty much confirmed at this point, but Gray seems to have even first considered himself with Juvia around Edolas/Tenrou Island. I don't think he really felt strong romantic feelings for her until the Grand Magic Games, mostly I think Lyon expressing his attraction for her really made Gray think "would Lyon have a chance with her? Would Juvia consider dating him? Hey wait, I don't want that to happen. Why am I jealous of the thought of Lyon with her?" I love the talk Erza had with him. Erza seems to have really looked out for gray, and she sees Juvia as a no-strings-attached kinda girl, a girl who just wants to make gray happy. Gray is terrified of getting too close to people and losing them, and I think the fact that Juvia almost died during the fight with the dracolings scared him even more than the fact that he DID die, especially after he realized what Ultear had done. But the moments between them during Tartaros for me, solidify their relationship. And unpopular opinion, I love the "confession" scene in the final chapter. It's in character. Gray isn't able to express himself fully yet. He's still scared. He thought he had lost Juvia again to Invel. So the "you're mine/you belong to me" felt like the best he could do.

- When they finally are officially a couple (whenever that will be) I wholeheartedly believe that, despite all of her crazy fantasies, Juvia will be terribly shy with any sort of affection. Gray tries to kiss her for the first time and she whacks herself (or him) on the head because she thinks it's a fantasy. Gray puts his arms around her and she screams and falls to the ground like a sack of potatoes (something I have physically also done lolol). Even though she is perfectly willing to strip after picking up his habit, I think the romantic feelings of such a moment would make any sort of intimacy/sex with gray very difficult with her. Basically like she sees it as her mind playing tricks on her. Not in an annoying way though, I see it being very endearing and gray would probably find it all very funny, considering how all-in she appeared to be about her feelings for him.

- They are a power couple. Ain't nobody gonna be able to defeat them when they're together. They are both so extremely powerful (my girl Juvia is so underrated; she was an S-class mage in Phantom Lord! She was good enough to be nominated as one for Fairy Tail too! Alongside Gray!) by themselves, together they will destroy anyone for hurting the other. And Unison Raids for DAYS

Second favorite couple is Nalu. I know I'm basic. I'm sorry. Natsu and Lucy just have so much chemistry, I can't help shipping them. I want to add that I ship pretty much any ship... I'm just naming my favorites. But yeah, I'm all for Nali, Graylu, Julu, Gratsu, Navia, Luli... whatever. Within reason, I'm up for any ship, really. Back to Nalu

Honestly I just love Natsu so much it hurts sometimes. And Lucy is such a good, relatable character. What I want more than anything in this world is for Lucy to get some love. And jealous Natsu. The possibilities are so good for jealous Natsu. I've heard a lot of different theories for why we didn't get an "I love you" from one of them in the final chapter, and honestly I love them all, so I'm not gonna sit here and explain those.

- Personally, I think Lucy was the first to consider a relationship, maybe even have a crush on Natsu. Any time anyone in the guild suggests it, gets Lucy madly blushing. But I think Natsu fell in love first. He probably didn't even realize what it was. But mix Tenrou Island, and Future Rogue killing Future Lucy... I think he really realized she was more than his best friend there.

- The post-Tartaros timeskip is such good angst for Nalu, but one of my favorite things to consider is that Lucy didn't seem to know where Natsu and Happy were. I love to think of her, following reports on all her other friends but having no idea where Natsu was, and how heartbreaking it would be. Not to mention, that moment Natsu finds the map. And he realizes that Lucy was so scared for him, that she was tearing herself apart because she couldn't find anything about him.

- Even though they never really elaborated on the tension between Natsu and Lucy after he had left her, I do believe Natsu felt immensely guilty for what he had done. Going back to Gruvia too, I think Natsu and Gray both know they hurt and abandoned the girls who care about them most in the world, and would even sorta bond over that - like what can we do to make it up to them?

- Did I mention how much I want jealous/possessive Natsu? Not in a bad way where Lucy gets mad at him... just sulking Natsu, Natsu trying to have his arm around her/be around her at all times, yanno?

Ps, there are so many good Nalu gifs... how do I pick one...

Pss, dragon cry slayed me.

Okay last ship I'm gonna ramble about - my third favorite ship is Stingyu. A little less on the popular side, but it's certainly got more attention that I had originally thought. I love Sting, he's definitely right below Natsu and Gray for my favorite guy. And Yukino is so sweet, her friendship with Lucy makes me unbelievably happy every time it is brought into the spotlight. I love the angst of this pair, but also the sweet moments they share (Sting asking for Yukino to come back to Sabertooth, Sting punching Rogue when he accidentally groped her, their interactions during the Alvarez fight, and DONT even get me started on the Sabertooth spin off... you're telling me anyone else would react the same way Sting did?!)

- Yukino admired sting immediately from the moment she joined the guild. I'm convinced, because how would any girl not join a powerful guild, and not look up to the attractive, powerful dragon slayer at the top of it? Plus their magic together would be incredibly compatible. Sting was so certain she was going to beat Kagura, so I'm assuming he knew her strength, he thought she was strong, and he'd just be devastated that she lost. He'd be furious. But then he'd realize how awful it was when he finally realizes how terrible Jiemma treated them.

- Sting 100% put Yukino's guild mark back himself

- Sting is basically the jealous Natsu I want. That moment he punches rogue is so unexpected, like it was clearly by accident, he knows rogue better than anyone. I realize Stingyu is somewhat similar to Nalu, but like hey, sorry can't help it lol

- They probably end up together before any of the Fairy Tail couples, let's be honest. I think Stingyu has a pretty high chance of actually happening

Those are my top ships for Fairy Tail. I'm gonna finish off by saying that Jerza, Gajevy, Nali, Baccana, Rogerva, Lyredy, Stingue, Luli, Miraxus, Fraxus, Mirafreed, Kinabra, Luvia all follow pretty close in about that order. I really ship anything in this show cuz I love all the characters so much. And yes my blog is based around shipping, but I love fairy tail for more than just that. The story and the magic abilities are so incredibly fascinating. For me it's get hooked by the ships, stay for the story. Now if only I could finish the anime! Lol

Sorry this post was so long, but I've been wanting to do these sort of rants for a while? I've worked on this for like an hour now. I think the other fandoms will wait for other days. Right now, for sure I'll make ship rants about Persona 5, Fire Emblem, My Hero Academia, RWBY... and then maybe I'll just make some general rants lol

[kixaxstyx]

Evens! ^_^

ok!!

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

I write for a lot of fandoms! Most notably in recent times are Durarara!! and Shadowhunters/The Mortal Instruments, but when I was younger I wrote a lot (and I mean a lot) of Yu-Gi-Oh/Yu-Gi-Oh GX stories. Recently I’ve been really getting into writing for The Case Study of Vanitas and I have some stories in the work for it… I don’t really have a particular favorite, I love them all equally!

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

I like writing a lot of generic/slice of life stuff to be honest, but I also like tragedies and action/adventure stuff too. 

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

*Sweats nervously and makes awkward eye contact with all the fanfiction I wrote in middle school* Why? Because I have grown so much in the 12 years since I started writing that I don’t want anyone to see it. AT ALL

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

From everywhere, to be honest! I got first place in a writing contest with a story that took inspiration from the song “Sixteen Tons” by Ernie Tennessee Ford. A story I used on my grad school application took inspiration from Dungeons and Dragons. It really depends on the piece and its context!

10) (skipping bc no title requested!)

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

My favorite character to write for tends to be my favorite character in that series - and my favorite in the series is typically someone who I can relate to, or that I like. So, if you notice, my favorite character to write for in Shadowhunters tends to be Alec Lightwood - because I like him, and I feel I can relate to some of his struggles, and that translates to better writing and characterization!

14) (skipping bc no title requested!)

16) (skipping bc no title requested!)

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I do have a lot of abandoned WIPs. I typically abandon them if I lose interest, or I feel like I’m struggling/wrote myself into a hole I can’t get myself out of. And of course, sometimes, I stop simply because I’m not motivated because I don’t think people are interested, or I’m getting harassed for some reason by readers.

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Definitely, lol. Every time I re-read Don’t Make Promises (You Can’t Keep) I kick myself for making it Shizaya, when the first half/three-quarters of the story totally reads as Shinzaya. 

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

A lot of my earlier works, to be honest. Especially the ones that have OCs bc they read as really bad Mary-Sues (but to be honest, those were characters I, myself, needed when I was writing them which is why they were created)

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Not very confident, tbh. I feel awkward doing so, and it’s something that’s not really in my skills repertoire (and that I’m okay with not refining)

26) (skipping bc no title requested!)

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

That you can go at your own pace, and you don’t need to kill yourself to crank updates out! And that it’s okay to “come late” to a fandom and still write for it. It’s not about the popularity of your stories, it’s about your enjoyment writing them!

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Not off the top of my head, but I know that I have come across stories that seem to be popular in fandom for some reason but I can’t get behind.

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

I wrote something about 3 years ago, for my Intro to Creative Writing course in College (an easy A for me lol). It was called “My Roommate” (I’m still working on the title to this day lol) but the characters in it were all based off of me and my 3 college roommates at the time. It was a flashback piece, really interesting to do, though a bit dark. Once I get the name solid and do a bit more editing, maybe I’ll post it here lol.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I don’t remember, to be honest, but it was something that actually led me to deleting the story from the site it was posted on. :(

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

The night was cold, one of the coldest on record.Being on the cusp of mid-December, the cold made sense, but the time of yeardidn’t make it any better, didn’t make it any easier to weather. Their handsfelt frozen solid, and the dark gloves they wore didn’t do anything to keep thechill out. As the coach rolled to a stop in front of the mansion, they onlyhesitated a moment before exiting. They ascended the steps with a deliberateslowness, knocking to announce themselves just as slowly.

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

Oh, there’s a lot of people, I couldn’t just name one lol! 

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

My boyfriend and friends from college know I write fanfiction, but my parents think I just write stories and post them on a blog - they don’t know it’s “fanfiction” per se. 

42) (skipping bc no title requested!)

44) What is the last line you wrote?

“Sister!” Their brother said in greeting, entering thesitting room with his wife just steps behind the child. “We weren’t expecting avisit from you, not for a while yet.”

(From a WIP I’m working on, lol!)

46) (skipping bc no title requested!)

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

I love, love, love writing first meetings. It is something I am always a sucker for. Especially “love at first sight” first meetings.

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

*Fast and Furious chanting* Angst angst angst angst angst

I like to suffer and make people miserable as well.

[threshie]

11 Questions Tag Game!

Tagged by @killer-kid-konan -- thanks for tagging me! I hope you don’t mind that I am replying with my main blog instead of @threshasketch. That’s my art blog, so I like to keep it just to posting my own work and the occasional ask there. =)

THE RULES ARE SIMPLE 1. Post the Rules. 2. Answer the questions given to you. 3. Make 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people.

1. Pizza or pizza pop

I don’t know what pizza pop is...but I’m allergic to most pizza. XD Gluten-free, dairy-free pizza from Razzi’s Pizzeria in Seattle is fantastic, I’ll pick that.

2. Xbox, ps4 or Nintendo?

PS4. Then I could game with my boyfriend. (Being off-grid again, my PS3 is kinda collecting dust and I game on my PC right now.)

3.what fandom’s are you in?

Supernatural, Resident Evil, Until Dawn, and Marvel are my most recent/active fandoms. I will draw/write about whatever I want at any time, though, and I’m eternally a fan of dinosaur-anything.

4. what fandoms have you abandoned or don’t visit anymore.

Fandoms I’ve been active in in the past (by “active” I mean I made fanworks) include Death Note, Axis Powers Hetalia, Gundam Wing, Fushigi Yuugi, Fruits Basket, The Slayers, Ouran High School Host Club, Stargate: Atlantis, Harvest Moon, Mario Bros, Final Fantasy VII, Pokemon, and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I’m positive there are a few I missed in there; I’m 31 and I’ve been in various fandoms since I was 14. 

5. where are you on that DND alignment chart thing

LOL; I’d say I’m lawful good. I don’t like to lie, break rules, break laws, hurt feelings, I’m sometimes too honest, I would not stand by and let people get hurt and do nothing about it, I would clothe/feed poor peasants I meet (giving money to people standing on the street corner with a sign is the modern equivalent, right?), and I like to do small things to make people smile, like compliment their neat shoes or pretty hair.

6.Best fast food place?

I am allergic to most fast food, as it contains a lot of gluten and dairy.

7. Mall or online shopping

Online, no contest. I’m an introvert and I don’t drive, so having things delivered to my door is extra nice. I can also find what I want better online, mall stuff is overpriced, and you’re always there with other people so you can’t take your time browsing or you’ll be inconveniencing them...

8. HOW HYPE ARE YOU FOR THE HOLADAYS

I’m jobless, so I can’t really buy gifts for people this year. I’m really excited to get together with my family though, and to cook home-made pies and baked turkey and play Christmas carols and string up shiny lights and hang up a row of the cards we receive above the big picture window in the dining room. Oh, and to drink egg nog, and make hot buttered rum, and probably write some fanfic to take advantage of the great contrivance that is mistletoe. And to wear cuddly sweaters, and to see it snow some more (it snowed last night -- woke up with it white out!), and to draw cute things like characters in ugly Christmas sweaters. Okay, I guess I’m pretty hyped, LOL.

9. Wifi is not working, what do you do?

Draw, read or write! ...Or use my phone as a mobile hotspot, but I think that answer might be cheating?

10.Whats the 2017 mood in less then 17 words

I don’t know about anybody else, but my 2017 mood is this: Speedy. 2017 is zooming by. It’s almost 2018. Cripes.

11. Would you drink a glass of spit for 1000$?

As revolting as that sounds, yeah, I probably would. There are more disgusting things, and hey, you didn’t specify whose so it could just be my own.

Okay, here are my 11 questions for you:

1. Would you rather be entirely responsible for somebody else (who can’t make any decisions without your help), or not be able to make any decisions without somebody else (who is utterly responsible for you)?

2. You can travel to any point in time, but you have to stay there. What time would you pick?

3. What’s your earliest memory?

4. Assuming you’re in a comfortable warm environment, do you prefer to relax in socks or barefoot?

5. What’s your fanfic or fanart guilty pleasure? (You can send me an ask on anon if you don’t want your name attached!)

6. List any scars and how you got them?

7. Could you find your way safely through your room in pitch darkness?

8. Can you whistle?

9. Describe an outfit that is the opposite of your usual way of dressing.

10. What’s your favorite board game?

11. How would society be different if humans had evolved with wings?

I tag the following:

@casinthegarden @bruvebanner @spikedspiegel @profdrlachfinger @lesbianlenas @yifera @jennilah @ozonecologne @kennedysharper @hvit-ravn @grumpycakes and anybody else who sees these questions and thinks answering them would be fun! :D

[todokori-kun]

‘I’d even ship him with Shuu’ what have you done now I’m actually shipping that (Shuu trying to be his usual romantic, flirtatious self and then realising Urie either doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to get it)

I KNOW IT’S SO SAD

TG’s quality does seem to be going down a bit these last few chapters (I think the real problem started with the Touken romance. I swear I’m not being salty about a ship I don’t particularly like being canon, I just feel like the pacing was a bit bad…Touka’s ‘are you a virgin’ came completely out of the blue, plus Touken has hardly interacted in Re before the recent chapters. It’s been YEARS since they’ve seen each other, wouldn’t things have changed? Neither of them are teenagers anymore. Both of them have grown and changed, but Touka chose not to stay near Kaneki and watch his growth, while Kaneki had no way to see how Touka’s experiences gradually changed her. But Ishida decided to suddenly make it canon and then start focusing on the Touka-Kaneki-Mutsuki triangle to the point where it feels like he’s abandoning his other plot threads… kind of like what Isayama’s been doing lately.).

However, I believe that Ishida is completely capable of making things better if he wants to (remember, he still has the Hide trump card- bring Hide back in a believable way that nobody has predicted and also adds to the story, and I imagine most of the fandom will forgive everything that’s gone wrong in Re so far) so I’ll stick around. Plus, I’ve just gotten too attached to all the characters ;-;

Ugh, y'know, even if it wouldn’t fit very well with all the implied Mutsurie, I wish Ishida would just pull a plot twist and make Ken/Urie or Urie/Saiko canon.

I think I kinda hate centipedes now.

1: Yeah, I don’t think that’s Mutsuki’s hand either (like you said, it looked pretty 'fresh’. Plus, I have no idea how Mutsuki would have gotten one of the limbs Torso cut off). The only reason I mentioned it was because of the parallel with Torso showing Mutsuki their own hand with a wedding ring on it…Ishida loves his symbolism so I thought this might actually matter to the plot.

2: I think it was probably either a stranger or an acquaintance, since she seems slightly surprised and not exactly 'happy’ to see this person, but not afraid or displeased either. I’m scared…why would Ishida not show us who it was if it wasn’t something important? If things went well Yoriko’s probaby just gained some knowledge about what’s going on (perhaps she’s been told where Touka is and why she can’t come to the wedding?), but if not…perhaps a villain’s blackmailing her…idk :(

3: I want to believe that too, but I’m not sure yet. If there’s a reason for Yoriko looking so serious then that might be connected with the mystery character who greeted her when she was out shopping.

Thank you, that really means a lot to me <3 What I’m really worried about right now is that I go to a piano 'hagwon’ (a cram school of sorts, I guess?) and this year they’re going to do a small concert. Everyone who goes to the hagwon has to play a song and I have no idea how I’m going to do this ;-; just trying to look a person in the eyes when I’m talking to them scares me, how am I supposed to get on the stage in front of a crowd (a small crowd, since everyone there to see the concert will be the parents/family of the kids participating, but seriously). Things are just a bit complicated XD

Adorable Shuu. I guess that would just make me tease him even more LOL I’d probably ruin all his dramatic moments.

(Now that I think about it, though, Shuu and I have similar interests: music, fashion, art, literature…though I guess he’s a lot more interested in food than I am haha)

Oh, I’m so glad you liked them! I tried my best ;)

I actually like doing matchup things so that may be why they’re acceptable…if I ever get a tumblr account I think I’d like to make a scenario/hc/matchup blog.

As for Storm in Lover, yep, that was from your 'the names are weird’ message XD after I decided to add Love Live into the headcanons I ended up going on YT to listen to a few of the songs. They were all really cool, but it just felt like Storm in Lover would be Urie’s guilty pleasure song (or maybe that’s just because I ended up likng SiL way more than I was prepared for?)

BLOW US ALL AWAY QUEEN LUNA

I’M GLAD MY HUMBLE HEADCANONS COULD HELP

I WILL WRITE MORE

AS MANY AS YOU NEED TO GET THROUGH NEXT WEEK

(Seriously tho

-since your hair is either 'too long and in a ponytail’ or 'really short and in a ponytail’, Urie is secretly very, very disappointed when you’re wearing it short. He likes playing with your hair when you’re too busy watching TV or reading to notice he’s being cute ok

-short or long, whenever Urie gets a hold of your hair, he WILL style it. Don’t you dare say no to the Captain of the Q squad. A simple ponytail? Unacceptable.

-Saiko approves of this relationship

-So would Sasaki, if Sasaki still existed

-Shirazu approves from beyond the grave

-Mutsuki doesn’t care)

Thanks! <33 And yeah, I think I’m slowly starting to get the hang of it ^^

I find all of those moments very relatable. Golfishes unite! :D

Burr is one of those weirdly shippable characters that almost every fandom seems to have…

And oh, I see! Honestly Tony is still one of my favorite avengers…RDJ really brings him to life. And if you’ve seen Captain America I definitely recommend The Winter Soldier and Civil War (next movies in the series)! So much Bucky angst ;-; Also the Thor movies, because I have a feeling you might like Loki.

Some of the best Loki quotes:

“Well done, you’ve just decaptitated your grandfather!”

“An ant has no quarrel with a boot.”

“Freedom is life’s great lie.”

“Oh dear, is she dead?”

Btw, do you remember the time I said I’d write a Heathers one-shot on the Yoi blog and never did? I think I’m getting over my writer’s block so maybe I can write that one-shot and submit it here?(And if that’s ok, do you maybe have any suggestions for which character I could use? I was going to write it as a Yuuri/reader but that doesn’t seem to fit so well anymore, so I might go with a TG character…I’d also like to use a character you like, since you’ll probably be the only person reading it ^^;;)

Speaking of Heathers though, when you have the time, is it ok if I try to drag you into that fandom again? Along with Dear Evan(s) Hansen. It’ll hurt you very, very badly but it’ll probably be worth it.

Oh dear, even more rarepairs. And I’m the one who ‘invented’ this one. Well, like I’ve said, as long as Urie is happy, I don’t care about whom he’s with. 

ISHIDA IS A GHOUL, ONLY HE DOESN’T LIVE OFF OF DEAD HUMANS, HE LIVES OFF OF PEOPLE’S SUFFERING!!!

Honestly, you’ve voiced my thoughts perfectly. I can’t help but get irritated at all the changes that have been happening. For me, it started around the time we found out about Mutsuki’s past. I mean, can’t we have one character who had a nice childhood and isn’t insane deep inside? At this point, basically everything is overdoing it for me. Let them have a break. A nice moment. A single day without a centipede or someone dying.  TG is slowly turning into shoujo manga. A sick, twisted shoujo manga, but a romantic one. That is the one thing I didn’t want from it. It was actually nice to have a manga without pointless crushes which play an important role in the plot, for a change. Guess I was wrong.

Dude, I don’t care who he kills, if Ishida brings Hide back, he is automatically forgiven for everything and anything. Well, I would care if he killed characters like, but other than that, he’s free to kill anyone he wants (like Furuta (or maaaaybe Mutsuki, but I’d like it better if they redeemed themselves (though that might be difficult))).

I just… I want the cookie to be happy. And Mutsuki is definitely not making him happy.

Gaaah, so many questions and symbolisms, it’s making my head hurt. Here’s my theory: This is a huge setup for everyone to be happy. Mutsuki will run away to New Zealand or something and restart their life, Kaneki and Touka will get married (tho I don’t quite ship it, whatever, as long as they’re happy), Urie will realise he’s loved Saiko all along and she’ll be there waiting for him. Kanae is actually alive and so is Hide. Kanae and Shuu get married. Hide finds himself a nice girlfriend (or boyfriend, not gonna discriminate), opens a pet shop and is happy.

Everyone is happy. 

Okay, but imagine this au: ghouls don't exist and there's no reason for so much suffering. Kaneki and Touka are two kids who knew each other from school and now run a coffee shop together. The Q squad went ri the same class and Saiko alway loved Urie. He recently realised it. And so on.

Ah, I definitely know how you feel. I went to music school as well, and we had yearly (or half-yearly, depending on how long you’ve played the piano) recitals. My method of calming down was to imagine I was at home, alone and just practicing. There was no one around me, and it didn’t matter if I messed up. I could always start again. Also, the audience was vegetables, as far as my imagination was concerned. It did help.

I know you can do it (๑و•̀ω•́)و You’re a fighter! The great Evans who can always cheer me up when I’m down. If I’m the queen, then you’re the king! All hail king Evans who’ll kick the recital’s butt!

Oh you would ruin all his moments, and it would be the most amazing thing ever. I’d always laugh at it, cause he’d be denied of all his theatrics.

They’re not ‘acceptable’, they’re absolutely perfect. I seriously can’t thank you enough, because they were very nice cheer-up material after a whole morning of cramming my two least favourite subjects. I’m pretty sure you’d do amazing if you got a blog. You do have amazing talent for writing.

Oh my~ Would you mind then if I listed a few more songs, my favourites?

Yozora wa nandemo shitteru no?

Bokutachi wa Hitotsu no Hikari (there’s a bit of talking in this one, it’s hard to find a version that’s not sped up)

Omoi yo hitotsu ni nare

Mijuku dreamer

Guilty Eyes Fever

soldier game

Thrilling・One Way

Ookay, I’m done ^^ I’m telling you, Idol Hell is very subtle. You won’t even realise you’ve been dragged into it huehuehuehuehuehuehue

Aaand there goes my heart, again. I have no words to thank you enough for writing those, since they help me keep my sanity.

however, we know whom we’d like from TG, but what about other fandoms we share? AoT? YoI? Kuroshitsuji?

Yeah, I’ve been told many times that I’d like Loki, but strictly looks-wise, I must admit I prefer his brother, and I prefer him very much. Idk, I just have a thing for guys with slightly longer hair.

All of that sounds suspiciously like something I’d say…

Of course, feel free to submit anything here!  As for the musicals, I’d be happy to listen to them, but after this week is over, because exams. Then, I’ll listen to both Heathers and Dear Evan(s) Hansen, despite the feels ^^

[sanguinesprout]

Well, that sucked... uuuuugh it’s coooooold xwx (updates, some gloomy and bright feels and self pep talk)

Hmmmmmmm... so, long time no post-ish...kinda..! To put it simply I’ve been stressing real hard over this form to try claim benefits/financial help and expended all mental my energy on that aaaall these past weeks. I struggled and I avoided but I finally fiiiiinallly managed to do it and now the main source of stress has subsided temporarily until they contact me again for maybe a face to face meeting in which I’ll commence my super anxiety flailing. But I guess for now I have time to stress about the things I normally stress over and haven’t done yet. Pah!

So the form right, you have to fill in about your health conditions/disabilities and I reaaaally had trouble writing about things like that. I mean, writing on here definitely helped me with some parts of it, since it was stuff I had written before, but just not on paper and... writing it out irl is like... super difficult and uncomfortable and knowing someone has to read it and ugh damn... I had to write about physical things too and there were lots of things I kinda was unsure of and it went from me writing very little to me writing probably TOO much last minute xwx I mean, it’s better than writing too less, but maybe I went into more detail than needed, but maybe it’s enough info that they’ll skip me in the face to face part... plz plz plssss! ;3; No, no you’ll be fine, you can do it!

I seriously spent so much time staring at it and it was just so hard, there was this reluctance even though I wanted to get it over with so badly, it’s like there was a magnet pulling me away, my concentration level dropped to minus 10000000, my head hurt from forcing myself to try think, it was torture Dx It’s probably something so easy but I unconsciously chose to overthink it and get all ruffled by the prospect that someone’s gonna read it and judge me... mehhh. By this point I just hope they can read my handwriting lol it literally looked like some kids english homework, full of scribbling out and arrows everywhere hahaha *sob* I had my sis read over it before I sent it, I was really nervous about that, it’s like she’s seeing a big slice of this blog (which scurred me), but she said it was fine, it was good! She’s supportive of me even if we frustrate each other a lot, I’m really thankful for her help and encouragement ;u;

Anyways, whatever the outcome, at least I tried! I kinda succeeded in finishing something I would’ve just not even attempted usually and that’s great! I did good and if there is a next time, I’ll try even harder! The anxiety and irrational held me back and scared me away from trying, but maybe I’ll get over them much easier now that I proved to myself I could do it if I just really really reaaaally put my mind to it! Putting my pen to the paper, that’s another big thing that was needing to be done too lol. The race between doubt and determination was won by determination’s last minute spurt powered by encouragement from various sources (including myself and my fear of letting people down!) Yaaay~! sarcasm is no good booo!

Form aside, I had to do phone calls and make trips to the post office quite a bit lately too, I did them! Whooo! I also went out and had some nice shopping trips, even met some of my sis’ buddies and it was nice, it was pretty fun in fact! I wasn’t as anxious as I thought I’d be, though the times I were, I just... sucked it up and kinda went with the flow and it became okay after... I tried and I pushed forward and everything was alright *hugs self* c:

I have such less energy and brain cells left that this post probably sounds so half assed and pointless no, no negativity! silly, but I’m doing it, I haven’t abandoned my blog and it’s almost been a whole year... or at least 2/3 of a year, yay for me! Christmas is so soon, it feels kind of lonely this year compared to past years because of some things but it’ll be okay, as long as I have my family and finally get to spend some nice quality time with them like I’ve been looking forward to, I’m happy! ^^

I got a lot of materials to make some nice arts and crafty things lately. it’s kinda given me some more incentive to make some nice things and just have some fun. I haven’t done anything yet though, but I plan to... ack! Gotta make sure not to overthink things and put myself off, just go for it! I’m not abandoning my dreams of making some self motivational/self expressive or cute things or just learning to draw in general (lolol) just yet! I’ve just kinda gotten a bit doubtful and shy again (especially with just being online too), but Imma crawl back out this hole and do some things right naaaaooo!! *slips and tumbles* oof @w@” C’mon silly, keep going, believe in yourself! 

I have a lot of ideas, and they keep piling up, but I’m having a hard time getting them out... I keep letting the anxiety, comparing, fear of judgement slip in and foil my plans. Things don’t have to be perfect, just try your best..! It doesn’t matter what other people think, as long as you like your creations. Other people have their own style and you have yours, be proud of it and let it shine. Practice makes... progress! You can do it!

I want to try and do more than one thing a day like most other people can like I know I have the potential to, like maybe do a little bit of art, a little bit of self care, a little bit of family time rather than just sitting around wondering which thing to prioritise or which thing is a waste of time to focus on and in the end achieve absolutely nooooothing .___. Baby steps, keep climbing, keep growing, don’t let your thoughts bring you down, you can achieve everything you want to, you just have to try with all your heart, ignore the mental obstacles, they can’t stop you, go go go!

With one of the other things I was stressing about a few weeks earlier, it was submitting a claim for a lost parcel, I struggled with that even, but I tried really hard and I did it and even though I was expecting nothing to happen, something good did happen! They fully reimbursed me! I was so surprised! Even though I was missing some information and thought it was going to be pointless and many weeks passed and I even forgot about it, my efforts actually paid off. The experience alone of just trying was a good lesson for me, but now I’m beginning to believe in ‘if you don’t try, you won’t know/nothing ventured nothing gained’ even more! This happened after I submitted my benefits application, I don’t wanna be too hopeful incase nothing happens here, but whether the result is something or nothing, I’m just glad I tried! c’:

I also received some praise about my packaging skill and service (I’ve been selling unwanted things and I always put in a lot of effort) and it was so sweet and kind and just lifted my sprits so much for someone to acknowledge it, I am so grateful ;w; For someone to take their time to write such a nice message and show their appreciation, ahhh it’s such a wonderful feeling..! I reached my goal of making at least one person smile! It was also another very pleasant surprise! I want to continue to chase this feeling and keep fulfilling this goal! I hope one day I’ll be able to feel this way with my creations ahhh cryyy ;u;

With my physical health woes and medication trials, it has only been a short period but it seems to be going alright, not very far, but it’s going somewhere and in a more positive direction. Once again I am so grateful to my dr, they are so amazing and kind and helpful ;u; Health is important! I want my family to be more healthy too, I worry about them a lot, because they don’t take care of themselves and they also avoid things and... uuu I’m sad :c I don’t want for them to be ill, time is short and I wish for them to be well and happy but it’s difficult when they’re so stubborn. I need to try harder.

A family friend passed away from illness very recently, it was extremely saddening... It must be incredibly hard for their family right now, I hope they will be okay Y__Y Life is unfair, life is unpredictable, it’s all the more reason why I need to get up and make the most of it right now. Spend as much time with loved ones as I can and make sure everyone is happy and healthy so we can have an even longer happier life together, reach for my dreams and so and so. Yolo... so try your hardest... time is precious ;^;

Well, um... that made things a little gloomy but I have to learn to face reality more seriously. Okay, for ourself and our loved ones, let’s make everyone proud and try our best! This life is my own and I’m going to take control of it, I’m gonna make it worth being happy about! Time is of the essence!

It’s been so cold lately, but because of this I’ve been able to see it snow! Although it’s not much, but it’s magical all the same and I’m happy to have been able to witness it, to go outside and enjoy the little but wonderful things of life, I don’t want to miss out on them anymore either! A new year is approaching, a new year where it will still be hard but I’ll continue to persevere until I’ve reached my goals! The post I left in my drafts, which I see every time I post here, the one with a long list of my dreams and things I’ve been wanting to do, I glanced at it and I think I managed to do a few of the littler things this year! I still have a lot to go, so I’m gonna aim to do at least twice as much next year! Yeah!!

Have a great evening (and a wonderful Christmas and New Year if I don’t post again before then), let’s go go! :D