#or just like. commit to being kieran valentine this year

[vulpinesaint]

ur tellinf me youe proflie picutre has not been draculaura this whole time

i can understand how this might distress you and it is definitely in character to assume that it might be draculaura!! however. it is harley quinn. a very similarly color coded and characterized character. she's just upside down so she's a little hard to recognize haha

[noxstellacaelum]

Female Protagonists Deserve Their Stories

Believe me, I get it.  I am not the target audience for shows like Shadowhunters, Veronica Mars, or GoT.  I am far, far removed from ship wars, cons, and the overall social media craziness that seems to animate fandom culture for shows like these.  These shows -- particularly Shadowunters -- are really just guilty pleasures for me.  With bonus points b/c they are sci fi/supernatural/fantasy/action & adventure genre pieces with strong female protagonists.  That’s all.  Just a genre that I love.  Nothing life-changing.  

So why, months later, am I still so pissed off about GoT S8, Shadowhunters 3B and the &*%& Shadowhunters finale, and basically all of Veronica Mars S4?  Especially when the writers/ show runners behind these projects -- and huge chunks of the fandom -- really, really don’t give a shit about what someone in my demographic thinks.    

Fundamentally, I am pissed off because each of these shows destroyed the narrative arcs of their female characters.  And, because the showrunners -- a bunch of middle-aged dudes -- should have known better.  

This post focuses on Shadowhunters.  And I am writing it just for me.  I appreciate and understand that others may disagree.

Ok, let’s just acknowledge the demographically engineered pulpy charms of Shadowhunters (TV) up front.  The cast were (and still are, obviously) uniformly gorgeous; the casting was racially diverse (YAY!!!); each season features lots of angst-y love triangles, break-ups and make-ups (Oh, the drama :-)); and, the show deliberately centered LGBTQIA relationships, especially Malec (again, YAY!!!)

So, what’s my problem, when there is so much to like about the show’s stated desire to be inclusive and diverse?  Especially when I believe that representation matters, particularly in genre projects like Shadowhunters, which historically have tended to lack diversity with respect to race and sexual/gender identity.

My problem is that somewhere along the line, the Shadowhunters showrunners decided that to tell the story they wanted to tell, they had to eviscerate the narrative arcs of Clary, and by extension, Jace.  

To understand why the decision to sideline Clary (and Jace) is so frustrating, it helps to know a bit about the TV show’s source material.  (Spoilers follow) SHTV is based on The Mortal Instruments, a six-book series written by Cassie Clare.  Clary is the protagonist of TMI:  Clare has described TMI as a “girl power” story, and she has made it clear that in TMI, she wanted to tell a story where a girl saves the world.  She’s even clapped back at those who would question whether Clary is worthy of heroine status.  Last year, in the Thule section of Queen of Air and Darkness, Clare showed us an AU where Clary doesn’t save the world (and is instead killed by Lilith, the mother of demons).  It’s a hellscape:  Clary’s evil brother Jonathan controls everyone and everything; angelic power no longer works; and anyone who tries to resist Jonathan is hunted, killed, “endarked” (turned into a soulless, murderous soldier), or otherwise enspelled.  All of our other heroes are dead or enthralled.  Realizing that he was turning into a demon, Magnus begged Alec to kill him (which Alec does, before committing suicide).  And Clary’s love Jace?  Devastated by Clary’s death, and enspelled by Jonathan, Jace becomes twisted and evil.  

In addition to the Thule AU, Clare has written more generally about right of female creators to own their own work (on a Tumblr blog post).  And, she has used other series in the shadowhunter world to center other characters and relationships (e.g., the Malec series currently underway); to interrogate gender roles (e.g., the Julian and Emma pairing in TDA); and to explore relationships and identities other than the Clary/Jace pairing (e.g. the polyamorous Christina/Mark/Kieran relationship in TDA).  Why does all of this matter for SHTV?  Well, Clare wrote TMI, and she made Clary the protagonist.  So the fact that Clary is the protagonist of TMI was not some ancillary or inconvenient matter for SHTV.  It was and is at the center of the books upon which SHTV is based, and as to which the show has IP rights.    

[NB:  This is not to suggest that Clare prefers Clary and Jace to other characters or other ships, or that other characters aren’t also heroic or ship-worthy -- they are, they are just not the protagonists of TMI.  And, SHTV is still based on TMI.]

[NB2:   And, I absolutely don’t mean to suggest that the show had to be a transcription of the books, or that only Clary and Jace should have gotten screen time.  I am affirmatively HAPPY that the show gave rich story lines to other characters -- especially Simon, Magnus and Alec.]

With that background in mind, why do I think that Season 3B and the finale destroyed the Clary and Jace characters?  Well -- and I know this sounds snarky -- let’s look at the parade of plotholes, the random redistribution of plot points, Clary’s loss of agency, the and general sidelining of the Clary and Jace characters and their heroism.  (Again, spoilers to follow).  I leave the memory wipe to last here, because I still can’t believe that anyone thought destroying three seasons of character development was a good idea.  

1. Evil Clary story line:  In the books, Jace is twinned with Jonathan.  This makes narrative sense:  Jace and Jonathan are “brothers” of a sort, having both been raised by Valentine, and Jace’s vulnerability to Jonathan (and Lilith) is rooted in childhood trauma of abuse and neglect that Jace endured at the hands of Valentine.  

In the show, however, Clary is twinned with Jonathan.  From the start, Clary’s ability to resist the rune is tied to her proximity to Jace.   In fact, as 3B progresses, Clary becomes increasingly unhinged and violent any time she is physically separated from Jace.  Eventually, when she is blasted behind a wall while on mission (and thus physically separated from Jace), she succumbs entirely.   All of a sudden we have dark Clary, taking a walk on the wild side with the murderous brother who kidnapped her and nearly killed Jace just a few short weeks ago in show time.  Dark Clary joining forces to burn down the world that she loved, and that she repeatedly saved.  Really???  And then, when Jace and the others finally manage to free her from twinning rune, we see Clary saying that she WANTED to help Jonathan with his murderous rampage.  And, we hear Jace saying that the call of blood was too hard for Clary to resist.  Again, really??? The girl who killed her father, called upon an angel to bring her boyfriend back to life, survived the death of her mother, and who was nearly killed by her possessed boyfriend is somehow unable to resist the call of her Morgenstern blood?  What about Clary’s agency?  Her strength?  Her love for Jace and her chosen family?  Her identity as a shadowhunter?  Enthralled book Jace at least still loves Clary, and has a scene where he temporarily breaks free of the twinning rune, and makes it clear to Jonathan that he hates him, and that he is being controlled. But Clary says she wanted to help her brother, and that it’s her fault for being unable to resist her “blood.” While team evil might have been fun -- and probably was a blast for the actors to play -- it didn’t make narrative sense to me.  Not the biggest sin, and to each his own.  But not for me.

2.  Heavenly fire storyline:  In the book, Jace is filled w/ heavenly fire.  Clary eventually figures out how to get the heavenly fire from Jace into her weapon (heosphoros), which she uses to kill Jonathan.  In the show, Izzy gets the entire heavenly fire storyline.  Again, why???  For one thing, the scene in which Clary and Izzy fight (and Izzy ends up with the heavenly fire after being struck by shrapnel) -- while cool -- made no sense to me.  Book Izzy is a formidable warrior.  Show Izzy is disarmed by Clary (who has been training to be a shadowhunter for, like, 5 minutes at the time of their battle).  Also, why does Izzy get the heavenly fire from a few bits of shrapnel, but Clary is totally fine after being STABBED by the sword?  More generally, other than giving Izzy more to do, what was the thinking behind taking away this story arc from Clary and Jace?  And, for making Jace basically a potted plant in 3B?   (In contrast to book Jace — who was key to the good guys’ victory— show Jace is made to basically stand there: Show Alec, Izzy, Magnus, and Simon get literally every single heroic plot point in the finale — remember that we’re Lightwoods moment, sans Jace (the adoptive brother)?? — while Jace is relegated to crying or supporting Clary.)

3.  The Jace character:  While this post is principally about Clary, I can’t help but note that the show did everything possible to isolate Jace and make him incompetent and unlikable.  

- Book Jace comes across as arrogant and as a wise ass, but Clary and Alec see the arrogance for what it is -- a coping mechanism/ PTSD following a childhood full of trauma at the hands of Valentine.  Through his relationship with Clary, Jace learns that he is worthy of being loved, and that he can love without destroying.  And, Jace’s parabatai bond is a source of strength and joy for both Alec and Jace.  Show Jace gets none of this.  3B kept Clary and Jace apart from each other much of the time (what w/ Evil Clary preferring to help her murderous brother burn down the world).  3B also effectively eliminated the parabatai bond:  Alec is entirely focused on his relationship with Magnus, and he is impatient with a clearly suicidal Jace.  You can count on one hand the number of minutes that Alec and Jace are on screen together in 3B.  

- Book Jace becomes (with Clary) head of the NY institute, having rejected and fought against bigoted members of the cohort.  I appreciate that this likely could not be shown b/c the show does not have the rights to TDA, but this does not explain why the show made Jace so incompetent as head of the NY institute.  Show Jace gets the job only because of nepotism (Herondale blood).  Show Jace is on board with the downworlder registry.  Show Jace is so incompetent that he abdicates in favor of  Alec after about a day.  None of this made any sense.

- Book Jace is all-in w/ Clary from the beginning.  He has one encounter w. Aline, but that’s presented as being as much about Aline’s confirmation of her sexual identity as it is about Jace in turmoil.  (I know some people object to CC’s writing of Aline, but again, it’s her story.)   But even if the showrunners felt that the Jace/Aline hook-up was “problematic” -- and I get that some fans feel that way -- why did the show choose to do some weird male version of slut-shaming of Jace? There is the Jace encounter with Maia.  (To be clear, this was shitty to the Maia character, too.  She hooks up with a drunk rebounding Jace, whom she had just tried to kill. behind a bar.)  And, the comments about Jace, Kaelie and book club. Everyone keeps talking on the show about how Jace sleeps around, and they judge him for it, when, in reality, Jace is pretty darn faithful to his relationship with Clary from the moment they meet.  Simon, Clary, Alec, Magnus, and Izzy all have more sexual encounters (and in the case of Simon and Izzy, more partners) vs. show Jace.  And no one calls Simon or Clary slutty.  No one decides that Alec is unworthy b/c he lies to Magnus.  And no one decides Magnus is unworthy or slutty or not devoted to Alec because he’s had many sexual partners in the past.

- As noted elsewhere, the show isolated and shamed a clearly depressed and suicidal Jace in 3B.  He’s shown devastated and alone in 3B when he thinks Clary is dead in the “Lost Without You” montage:  Alec (his parabatai) and Magnus are busy comforting each other;  Maia is comforting Simon; Mayrse is nowhere to be found.  Same thing after Jace almost gets himself killed on the mission involving the Seelie:  Alec yells at him and tells him to suck it up; Mayrse once again is absent; and only Izzy checks in.  Then, in the flash forward, Alec, Magnus, Izzy, Luke, Mayrse, and Maia all seem entirely unconcerned with Jace’s state of mind.  Once again, he’s told to suck it up and move on.

4.  Female characters/ sexuality generally on the show:  So much could be written about the show’s treatment of its female characters generally.  Book Izzy is strong and fierce, and yes, body and sex positive.  Show Izzy is all over the map.  S1 captures Izzy’s sass, but she’s treated like slutty eye candy sometimes.  S2 and S3 Izzy has more depth, but less sass.  Tell me again why she had to be a drug addict?  Or, why she gets disarmed by Clary (who had a couple of months of training at that point in show time) in the finale?  Or why she alone (vs. Mayre or Alec) is sent to check on a clearly suicidal Jace?  To be clear, I loved the Jace/ Izzy bond, but why does the show let Alec and Mayrse off the hook w/ regard to Jace’s mental health, and leave Izzy w/ caretaking duties?   And Mayrse, who seems to exist in season 3 solely for the purpose of being punished — and then being redeemed — for her S1 homophobia. She becomes “captain of the Malec ship” after being deruned, and then is shown caring for Alec when Magnus is in Edom, and nurturing the Malec relationship. But, she vacations in Brazil in the finale with zero regard for her grief-stricken, suicidal adoptive son? And then there is Maia. Why does she hook up with Jace against a wall behind a bar? And what’s with the forgiving her abuser storyline?  And Clary.  Believe me, nothing made me happier than the show’s decision to make reasonably short work of the incest story line.  But to have Clary literally jump into bed with Simon, her bff?  Immediately after learning --falsely, as it turns out -- that Jace was her sibling?  Was that Clary’s first sexual encounter?  Was is not weird to suddenly start sleeping with your friend (who you turned into the vampire, and who can walk in the daylight b/c he drank your ex-boyfriend/ now you think your sibling’s  blood)?  I know the books present Jace, Clary and Simon as a love triangle — YA, after all — but book Clary wrestles w/ her feelings for Simon. I get that aging them up on the show — which I liked — would have changed the dynamic around these relationships and the characters’ sex lives, but the handling of the Climon story line was so clumsy. And, in any event, why is S2 Clary snarky about Jace’s sexual past (the book club comments)?  And in 3B, why does dark Clary manipulate — or worse — a basically roofied Jace at the club?

5. The Memory Wipe:  OH.MY.GOD.  I CANNOT EVEN CONVEY THE DEPTHS OF MY DISLIKE FOR THIS TROPE OF A PLOT POINT.  In the book, Simon volunteers to give Asmodeus his memories, thus saving Magnus (and everyone else).  Once again, this makes narrative sense -- Simon never wanted to be a vampire, and he (unlike Magnus) could survive the loss of his memories, and even return to mundane life.  And, after Simon gives up his memories, his friends NEVER give up on him.  Clary, Izzy, and the others watch him, they reach out to him, and eventually, with Magnus’s help, they reconnect with him.   Magnus even says that stealing Simon’s memories was a little bit “fascist.”

Show Clary has it much, much worse.   Let’s remember how it played out in the finale:  

- Jonathan goes on a murderous rampage.  Clary saves the world using her rune power, killing her last living relative, knowing she would be stripped of the Sight and her memories.  

- Notwithstanding Jonathan’s mass slaughter and Clary’s sacrifice, the MOST IMPORTANT THING is that Magnus and Alec have decided to get married at the institute the very next day, after dating for about three months on-and-off in show time.  

- And so we have much of the finale devoted to the wedding.  We see everyone smiling and happy (despite the slaughter of shadowhunters around the world the day before and Jonathan’s death at Clary’s hands).  We see Clary in a very revealing dress sobbing as she dances with her boyfriend and her runes are obviously disappearing -- but no one notices. We see Jace letting a sobbing Clary walk out the door.

- And then we see Clary alone, sobbing on the street in a revealing party dress, in the cold, with no memories, no I.D., no best friend, no love of her life, no money, no home (burned down in season 1), no mother (killed by Alec), no father figure. Nothing.  I get that sacrifice is a shadowhunter virtue, but the trope of a memory wipe (I see you, Chuck) is SO far from canon, and so inconsistent with how Clare wrapped up the Clary (and Jace stories).  Zero emotional logic.

- Then, to make matters worse, we jump ahead one year, and no one gives a shit about Clary or Jace or their sacrifice at all.  Alec and Magnus are living their best life mixing cocktails in Alicante (leaving Alec’s clearly devastated and suicidal parabatai to just figure things out, I guess).  Maryse (Jace’s adoptive mother) and Luke (Clary’s father figure) are vacationing in Brazil, seemingly more concerned about the humidity than they are about Clary or Jace; Izzy and Simon are loving life together at the NY institute (so much for Clary and Izzy as parabatai, or Simon and Clary’s friendship); and Simon tells a grieving, suicidal Jace -- the same Jace who almost killed himself a couple of weeks prior in show time -- to stop checking on Clary and to move on.  Apparently, Simon thought that Maia’s naming a salad after Clary was enough.   So much for Jace’s mental health.  So much for Clary and Simon’s friendship (and in the books, their eventual parabatai bond). 

- But, we we did get closure for the lizard/ Lorenzo; Underhill’s first name; and an update on Raphael.  All of these developments were apparently more important than honoring Clary’s narrative arc, her chosen identify as a shadowhunter, her relationship with Jace, and her chosen family.  

None of it made any sense.

1. Why would the angels strip Clary of the Sight when she used her rune power to SAVE THE DAMN WORLD?  After all, let’s see who gets to keep the Sight/ memories in the showrunners’ telling:  Valentine (insane, imprisoned an angel, killed downworlders and shadowhunters ); Jonathan (murderous, insane); Alec (killed Clary’s mother while possessed); Izzy (also possessed); Jace (killed his grandmother and mundanes while possessed, threw Clary off a roof, almost killed Alec); Jocelyn (almost killed Jace, circle member); Aldertree (despite getting Izzy addicted to drugs and torturing downworlders).  The list goes on.  But Clary’s invention of runes to stop her insane brother from destroying the world incurs the wrath of the angels? 

2.  The showrunners would have us believe that Clary lost the Sight (and her memories) because the angels were spiteful.  How does this fit with Cassie Clare’s conception of angels AT ALL?  They are completely unconcerned with human emotions in the books. And, why would only Clary suffer this fate when, as noted above, there are shadowhunters who did terrible things for entirely selfish or otherwise awful reasons? 

3.  In what world would Jace not notice his girlfriend’s runes disappearing?  In what world would he ever let his sobbing, de-runed girlfriend -- whom he just got back from the twinning rune/possession/killing her last living relative -- walk out the door alone?

4. For a show so concerned about representation, what about Jace’s story as a survivor of childhood abuse and trauma?  What about Jace’s near suicide earlier in 3B?  Why does everyone in Jace’s life (specifically Alec after the Seelie mission and Simon in the finale) tell Jace to suck it up and move on when he is clearly depressed and suicidal?  What about the show’s depiction of the relationship between Jace and his adoptive family? What message does the finale send about who was — and was not — a member of the Lightwood family when Mayrse and Alec either ignore Jace or yell at him when he is grieving and suicidal? So much for family. And, what about Clary’s mental health, after the showrunners stripped her of her friends, family, chosen family, memories, identity, home, and love?  

And then, after all of this, the showrunners made things worse by talking up how important the wedding was for them, even as they made it clear they didn’t care about the resolution of the Clary, Jace and Clace story lines.

- The show runners misidentified the supposedly spiteful angel who I guess would have been the big bad in Season 4 in press coverage of the finale.

- They said they didn’t know where the Clary, Jace and Clace story was heading, and that “fan fiction” would figure it out.

- They talked about how difficult and important the seating chart was for the wedding, and about how they had tried to get every character, no matter how minor, back for the “reception” scene.  And they spent precious time in the finale showing us party scenes involving ancillary non-canon characters (Underhill, Lorenzo) vs. coming up with a coherent resolution to the protagonist’s story.

- They engaged only with Malec content on social media, and talked endlessly how the show was a “love letter” to fans, and ignored less favorable fan reaction involving the Clary and Jace characters.

- Same drill for the writers, BTW.  A young female writer for the show (who supposedly was the book stan in the writers’ room) has been on social media explaining how great it was Clary’s story line came “full circle” in finale.  She’s now heading to a con with the show runners, having studiously ignored questions about the show’s treatment of Clary and Jace. (I get why she would do this — work, and all — but still.)

- To the extent the showrunners, producers, and writers have addressed Clary and Jace at all in press coverage of the finale, they have argued that the memory wipe was no harm/no foul b/c the final scene suggests that love conquers all.  First, we knew that -- we are talking about a pulpy YA novel, after all.  Second, if the last scene sends the message that love conquers all, it’s because Kat M. and Dom S., the performers, imbued that scene with more depth and emotion than the writing deserved.  Finally, the love conquers narrative ignores the fact that Clary and Jace earned their character arcs as INDIVIDUALS, not just as half of a ship.  Clary deserved her identity, her chosen family, and her love.  Jace deserved his hard-won happiness with himself, and in his relationship with Clary (and in his relationships with Alec and Izzy).  I personally didn’t want a wedding -- I don’t think anyone should get married after a few months of mostly unsuccessful dating.  I did, however, want to see these characters enjoying their hard-won happiness vs. a dystopian future for two characters only, w/ a rom com meet cute tacked on at the end.

Fundamentally, the showrunners made SHTV into a fan service-, ship war- driven series of plotpoints in 3B and the finale.  There are lots of potential reasons for this:  Maybe they preferred the Malec storyline, and thought that playing to Malec fans might help the show get picked up (or maybe get a Malec spinoff approved); maybe they thought that punishing Jace and sidelining Clary might please some segments of the SHTV fandom; maybe they bought into the idea that the books are “problematic” and need to be fixed, or that dislike of certain performers justifies trashing the character.  Whatever.  The end result is the same:  For me, they lost the narrative thread of the characters, and the emotional logic of the stories.  They fed into a stupid ship war and a stupid book vs. show war.  And, they played into scarcity, as if honoring Malec required tearing down Clace.  

At the end of the day, the show runners’ decision to wipe Clary’s memory broke the show for me.  No matter how much I love Malec, and no matter how amazing the last scene was (and how lovely the performances were in that scene), I will always believe that Clary and Jace deserved better.

And so I want to say to the showrunners and writers:  NEXT TIME, LET YOUR PROTAGONIST HAVE HER STORY.  SHE EARNED IT.  (And FFS be tiny bit humble when there is source material :-).  

[casey-callahan]

Calling home - A  self para

 “Hey. Didn’t think you were gonna call me this year.”

“Yeah, well, you’re my brother. Why wouldn’t I?

“Maybe because you’re an American now?”

“That doesn’t change that we’re family.”

“Even though I’m still locked up? I think that’s a big deal-breaker for some families.”

“Probably, but I’m not stupid enough to cut ties with you and lose my whole connection home, you know that.”

“You’re so cheesy. You could just go on and find someone and start a family in the great US. I’ll still be stuck here for ten years.”

“I know, I know, but you’re my baby brother. Blood is thicker than water and all that? I’m not abandoning you just because you’re in prison.”

“Still really fucking cheesy bro, you need to stop that.”

...

...

“I don’t know if I’m gonna manage in the outside world, though. I’ve been here for five years, ten more and I’ll probably forget everything about a normal life.”

“Hey, at least you got rid of your drug habit.”

“I kinda had to, there isn’t very much cocaine coming and going in a max sec. And I did spend a year in the ding wing.”

“You know I don’t talk prison lingo.”

“The psychiatric ward. Ding wing, it doesn’t sound that different.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Anyway, let’s not talk about me. That’s why you called, right? Because it’s Valentines.”

“Yeah. Sorry I couldn't visit you this year, been stuck at work.”

“Chill, It’s cool, I’m stuck too so I guess we’re in the same situation.”

“I’m glad you can see the comedy in this.”

“Shut up, I’m coping. So, have you found any pretty lady to wed and bed this year?”

“Nope, no ladies. I told you I’m not looking for a wife.”

“That’s too bad, I’m sure there are tons of women who have a thing for you. We have the same genes after all.”

“I heard you laugh you fucking jerk. I’m still not looking for a girlfriend, okay?”

“Sure you aren’t. You’ve gotten your act together and work comes before anything else. Remember when -- ”

“I’m gonna cut you off right there. I don’t think the people tapping into this call really need to know what I did as a kid.”

“But it’s funny! C’mon, you didn’t even get caught, plus you didn’t commit a fucking murder.”

“You still sound like you’re proud that you did.”

“It’s complicated. It’s kinda a part of me nowadays. I killed a guy and I’ve built my reputation around it here. Keeps the prison wolves off my ass.”

...

“Have you visited mom’s grave?”

“Where the fuck did that come from?”

“I don’t know, just wanted to ask. Wish I could go see her.”

“I’ve visited. Last October if I remember correctly.”

“Good. It feels like shit that I haven't been allowed to visit after she was buried. Do you think me being banged up had anything to do with her death?”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself, her cancer took a toll on her even before you were convicted.”

“She must have been so stressed. You being away and me being here. Do you think she was lonely?”

“Now you’re making me feel like shit. Mom never said that she was lonely, she had a good time with her neighbors and other people.”

“So she was taken care of by everyone else but her own sons.”

“Stop. There was nothing we could do, okay? I’ve already been down this road and the outcome is never good. You shouldn’t think of it like that. She loved us, I don’t think she ever thought that we didn’t care.”

“Yeah, okay. Hey look, I’m proud of you bro, you’ve got your shit together after your dip into madness and you better help me get my life on track once I get out of here.”

“Like I would abandon you. But you need to stop saying those things, I’m your older brother, it should be me saying that I’m proud of you.”

“But you’re not.”

“Who said I wasn’t? You’ve served five years. You got rid of your addiction. You haven’t killed anyone in five years and you got your sentence reduced due to good behavior. If I could, I would tell everyone that my baby brother is a good kid but I don’t think you want everyone to know about you.”

...

...

“Kieran?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Just ... Thanks. Never thought I’d hear that from anyone really.”

“You’re my brother, of course I’ll be proud of you. Always.”

“At least it’s a conversation starter if you find a girl you like.”

“So you’re saying that you want people to hear about you?”

“There are almost 40,000 prisoners in Australia so I don’t think me being the topic of a story would matter that much.”

“You’ve relly grow up, haven’t you?”

“Prison does that to a guy. But hey, bro, I have to go. There’s this Kitty Kitty I’ve been eyeing here and she just glared t me so I’m gonna strike up a conversation.”

“I take my statemet back. I’ll call you again some day. Don’t get in trouble.”

“Thanks Case. Take care of yourself.”

“You too Kieran.”

*click*

[djcreamyitalian]

10 Hidden Gems of Coachella 2017

There are 150+ musical artists performing at this year’s Coachella Valley Music & Art Festival. Who has time to listen to them all?! Sadly, I do. So here are 10 Hidden Gems that are buried in the dense lineups that are worth giving a listen. I may have found your next favorite band - You’re welcome.

Kungs: House - Friday, April 14th & 23rd

Kungs has been killing it overseas last year after his debut album, Layers, produced an international number one hit “This Girl”. Where Valentin Brunel differs his colleagues is that he doesn’t fully commit to one EDM sub-genre. He’ll release a club banger then a down tempo trop house jam back-to-back and give zero F’s. He also has the pedigree to headline this festival in a year’s time. Will Kungs be the next great French DJ export? You be the judge at his set on Friday.

King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard: Psych Rock - Friday, April 14th & 23rd

Besides being the winner of the best name in the lineup (a close 2nd is awarded to Chicano Batman), the psychedelic rock band from Melbourne, Oz has been known to put on energetic shows that compliment their work ethic - they’ve released 9 full-length albums since 2012. AND King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard plan on releasing 5 studio albums this year alone. Check out their set before they lock themselves in their Aussie recording studio for the rest of 2017.

The Interrupters: Ska/Punk - Friday, April 14th & 23rd

I bet you thought ska was dead - nope! It’s alive and well thanks to The Interrupters. Vocalist Aimee Allen met the Bivona brothers (Kevin, Jesse & Justin) while opening for Sugar Ray in 2009. From then they toured with the genre’s greats: Rancid, Reel Big Fish, The Mighty Might Bosstones, and others. Under their tutelage, The Interrupters released their ska-reestablishing album Say It Out Loud in 2016 to large fanfare. Witness the glorious future of ska on Friday.

Thundercat: Soul - Saturday, April 15th & 24th

FUNK YEAH! ThunderCat has been blowing up ever since he won a Grammy with Kendrick Lamar for his work on 2015’s To Pimp a Butterfly. The man (his parents call him Stephen Bruner) was born practically with a bass attached to his hip and has collaboed with the best of them (Erykah Badu, Flying Lotus, Childish Gambino, etc.). His third album, Drunk, was released a week ago and is already considered to be the best album of the year. Catch this shooting starlet on Saturday before he leaves our stratosphere en route to stardom.

Banks & Steelz: Hip-Hop - Saturday, April 15th & 24th

The hip-hop mashed with rock sound of Banks & Steelz (consisting of the lead singer of Interpol, Paul Banks, and the leader of the Wu-Tang Clan, RZA) has the basic recipe for an unforgettable Coachella show: Start with Banks’ IDGAF voice and guitar riffs. Mix in RZA’s porous flows and master sound production. Stir in a mini-Wu Tang reunion (with Ghostface, Meth and other Shaolin alums that are featured on their album, Anything But Words). Set in the Indio spring heat and enjoy.

Four Tet: Electronica - Saturday, April 15th & 24th

Even though this is the first time Four Tet (Kieran Hebden) is playing Coachella, he has been releasing his unique sound for decades. Early in his career, he moved away from the standard pop songwriting format and integrates every genre into his work. He’s a multi-instrumentalist that loves to improvise so no show is alike as he plays what he feels in the moment. Buckle up before you space out during this unpredictable journey on Saturday.

Dreamcar: New Wave - Saturday, April 15th & 24th

The best way to get over a break up is to find someone new and that’s what the boys from No Doubt successfully did. Tony Kanal, Tom Dumont and Adrian Young teamed up with AFI leader singer. Davey Havok, to produce an 80’s new wave sound that’s unlike their previous bands’ work. A few days ago, Dreamcar released their first single Kill for Candy. It’s a great preview of things to come. See you at their first show on Saturday.

Jack Garratt: Indie Pop - Sunday, April 16th & 25th

I'm actually ashamed that I've never heard of Jack Garratt before this. The soulful indie-pop singer from Buckinghamshire, England has a surreal, raspy voice with an impeccable range that he loops to harmonize with himself. His only album Phase debuted last February and was an international hit - except in the US of A. Call it our inherent American ignorance, but give Jack a listen then formerly apologize when you attend his set.

Grace Mitchell: Alternative - Sunday, April 16th & 25th

I’m just going to come right out with it - Lorde’s new single ‘Green Light’ was a departure from her previous work - that’s expected as she grows as an artist - and I didn’t like it. This is where Grace Mitchell comes in. The teenage wonder from Portlandia adds a fresh dash of grunge to Lorde’s dream pop. She mesmerizes as she slurs her verse lyrics then astonishes when she opens up her range when she hits the chorus. Check out her single NoLo from the 2015 EP Raceday and prepare to be wowed.

Jai Wolf: Electronic - Sunday, April 16th & 25th

This little moody guy that refuses to look at the camera in almost every picture he takes is Sajeeb Saha aka Jai Wolf. This 24-year-old from Bangladesh has perfectly blended electronic and synth-pop in an emotional twister to release his six track EP titled Kindred Spirits. His inspiration for the project was when he witnessed two fans befriend each other at one of his shows. If your Coachella Sunday becomes too washed out and you need to learn how to feel again, find your way to Jai Wolf.