#or it lost itself in trying to comprehend something it cannot

[krash-8]

have you ever sipped the galaxy like tea

[mcflymemes]

INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE (1989) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the film, adjust as necessary

i hate these guys.

this is a new experience for me.

it happens to me all the time.

you lost today, [name]. but that doesn't mean you have to like it.

may we go home now, please?

i've got a lot of fond memories of that dog.

he sticks out like a sore thumb. we'll find him.

does anyone here speak english?

what are you hiding?

archaeology is the search for fact, not truth.

forget any ideas you've got about lost cities, exotic travel, and digging up the world.

we do not follow maps to buried treasure, and "x" never... ever marks the spot.

70% of all archaeology is done in the library. researching. reading.

we cannot afford to take mythology at face value.

help me get us out of here.

are you kidding? i made all that up.

she talks in her sleep.

try not to talk.

give me your other hand. i can't hold on.

i can get it. i can almost reach it.

[name], let it go.

those people are trying to kill us.

i didn't know you could fly a plane.

our situation has not improved.

i'm as human as the next man.

i'm like a bad penny, i always turn up.

throw down the gun or the girl will die.

no! don't shoot!

please do what he says!

[name], what are you doing here?

head for the fireplace!

why are you sitting there resting when we're so near the end?

don't look at me like that.

i would have done anything to get it. you would have done the same.

i'm sorry you think so.

i'll never forgive myself.

thank god... it's fake.

look, can we discuss this later?

i came here to save you!

look what you did! i can't believe what you did!

i'll never forget how wonderful it was.

you have chosen wisely.

did you intend to leave us standing on the doorstep all day?

now look, i've gone and caught a sniffle.

don't take that tone with me!

this is the second time i've had to reclaim my property from you.

that belongs in a museum.

why are you trying to kill us?

my soul is prepared. how's yours?

what have you brought?

i'm sorry about your head. i thought that you were one of them.

you came back for the book?

is that what you think of me?

who gives a damn what you believe?

follow me. i know the way.

i find that if i just sit down to think... the solution presents itself.

in this sort of race, there's no silver medal for finishing second.

we didn't talk. we've never talked.

what are you complaining about?

you could go down in history.

you're going the wrong way.

the pen is mightier than the sword.

are you crazy? don't go between them!

my reputation preceeds me.

it would make me very happy.

shooting me won't get you anywhere.

we're well out of range.

you call this archaeology?

we are on the verge of completing a quest that began almost two thousand years ago.

we're just one step away.

since i've met you, i've nearly been incinerated, drowned, shot at, and chopped into fish bait.

we're caught in the middle of something sinister here.

you're a great deal like your father.

how dare you kiss me.

leave me alone. i don't like fast women.

you say this has been just another typical day for you, huh?

you're meddling with powers you can't possibly comprehend.

if only i could have been there with you.

[silvermoon424]

Eternal Erina

Left by @chommission, right by @linyu3u

An anon innocently asked me to talk about my OC Erina's final form, Eternal Erina. Unfortunately, it's impossible to actually explain her deal without also explaining the story of my story/paracosm. Which is, uh, LONG AND COMPLICATED.

For anyone who doesn't want to read the massive incoming infodump, the main plot of my story/paracosm revolves around Erina and her journey from a frightened, troubled child into the savior of her people (mages, aka magical girls and magical boys). That involves becoming a goddess, a concept, and a universal force. So like Ultimate Madoka, basically. If the design didn’t tip you off, my story is HEAVILY inspired by PMMM, lol. 

The details are hidden under this Read More. If you end up reading it, I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts!!

Order and Chaos

So basically, magic and life (especially sapient life) is governed by the Rule of Cycles, a mostly benevolent being/law of nature. It is opposed by Chaos, who governs black/chaos magic but cannot create true life, only shadows of itself or People of the Cycle that have been corrupted. Chaos hates RoC because it's envious of RoC's creativity and ability to create life, not to mention that Chaos used to be a part of RoC at the beginning of the universe and wants to once again be one with everything. 

Mages have existed for billions of years, all across the universe. Where there is sapient life, there is magic. Mages are born when they resonate with the Rule of Cycles and are granted a wish/miracle. But if they fall into despair or fail to replenish their magic they will become Wraiths, beings of Chaos (again, like magical girls and Witches from PMMM).

Also, if you couldn't tell by the names, the Rule of Cycles and Chaos are basically Order vs Chaos personified. This is inspired by the Stars arc of Sailor Moon and the ultimate villain Chaos.

Also, RoC and Chaos can't fight directly without damaging the fabric of the universe and/or causing mass destruction, so they manipulate beings and create proxies to fight a proxy war. Erina, my main OC, is the RoC's chosen champion and can tap into it directly. Chaos doesn't have a champion (yet) and mostly just sends out powerful extensions of itself, although it does also have corrupted People of the Cycle at its beck and call.

Also, in my paracosm, the RoC was created by an even greater being that created the multiverse who's since basically fucked off and doesn't intervene at all. Soon after the creation of the universe, billions of years ago, Chaos split off from the RoC and they've opposed each other ever since.

The Philosophy of the Cycle and Unnecessary Suffering

However, even though the Rule of Cycles and Chaos are opposed, they are inextricably bound together. Just like as the darkness needs the light to create shadows, the light also needs the darkness to shine more brightly. 

In other words, without evil, we couldn’t truly comprehend good. Without sorrow in the world, there would be no compassion. If we never lost anything, we would never truly appreciate what we have. And so on. The Philosophy of the Cycle- the path that mages spend years walking- is making peace with the fact that sorrow/evil/suffering will not only always exist, but is in fact vital to the very foundation of the universe. 

With all that said, even though suffering and sorrow are inevitable, we must try to diminish it in any way we can. Making peace with the foundations of the universe does not mean totally accepting it the way it is and sitting by passively while bad things happen. Because not all suffering-or even most suffering, one could argue- is inevitable. A lot of suffering is due to unjust systems, systems that need to be torn down and replaced with something better. 

You know, unjust systems like the current mage system.

In my story, being a mage isn’t an immediate death sentence like in PMMM; many mages go on to live full adult lives. However, the death/corruption rate is still around 1/3 to 1/2 of all mages. So even if you don’t succumb to Chaos yourself, you are essentially guaranteed to know and love someone who will or already has.  

I haven’t sat down and figured out how the mage-Wraith system came about; all I know is that it wasn’t always there and is the result of  tampering. It’s been in place so long that there are only a scant few records talking about the before times, but there is evidence it didn’t always exist.

Also, Wraiths aren’t the only Chaos Beings around; mages also fight Demons. Unlike Wraiths, they are mere extensions and creations of Chaos and did not used to be sapient. There are enough Demons around to support the mage population’s need for purification, once again proving that Wraiths are unnecessary and cruel.  

 Some cycles need to be broken. Enter Daenerys.

The Oracle

Daenerys aka Dany (yes, named after that Daenerys!) comes from a noble family of oracles who once reigned as the monarchs of a country of mages before it was destroyed. Dany is the most talented far-seer ever born and, after seeing a vision of Erina as a goddess whose ascension broke the cycle that turns mages into monsters, has dedicated her life to ensuring that future becomes reality. Even the wish that turned her into a magical girl was in service of her goals: she wished to be the fount from which a true hero would be born.

(idk where else to put this, but another major plotline of my story is a government conspiracy. Countless children with psychic powers and/or the potential to become mages were kidnapped and raised in a top-secret research facility. Dany was one of the first victims of this program due to precognition being a very rare ability. Dany (not a mage yet) was deep in despair when she had her vision about Erina. It gave her a reason to live and keep going, which is why she’s so dedicated to Erina and her mission)

Twisting and weaving the threads of fate, Dany carefully manipulates things to ensure the future she saw. She does whatever she can to add onto Erina’s karma (which, like in PMMM, determines how powerful a mage is). Dany also became a mage years before Erina, so a lot of this happened when Erina was still completely ignorant of what fate had in store for her.

Erina’s Entrance

I truly cannot give as much background as I want on Erina herself because this is so fucking long already lol, but I’ll give the main points of her background:

Her mother died about a year after giving birth to her, and she was then raised by her grandmother until she was 5. After her grandmother suddenly died, she was put into the foster care system.

The main story starts when Erina is 12. I’m literally not even gonna try explaining all that goes on lol, but the important thing is that she comes under the care of a young man named Eric who becomes her adoptive father.

Again, due to reasons I won’t get into now, Erina was nearly driven to suicide due to despair (she has C-PTSD and was at a point where she thought the future was bleak). The love and care Eric showed her gave her hope and made her want to keep going, and she is left with the strong desire to inspire hope in others the way he did in her.

Flash forward a bit and Erina becomes a magical girl, using her wish to save Eric’s life in a dangerous situation. She immediately and wholeheartedly embraces her role as a magical girl, seeing it as a way to help others and inspire hope like she so dearly wants to.

Erina finds herself in a found family with fellow mages Luna, Rhae, Iris, and Flora (the other main OCs of my story). She also formally meets Dany and becomes close with her. She also becomes friends with lots of other people (including many mages) and has a lot of fun experiences.

Doppelgangers: The Other “Me”

It’s soon revealed that Erina’s magic has created a purifying barrier around the city she and her friends live in; instead of becoming Wraiths, mages who exhaust their magic will instead summon Doppelgangers (YES I LOVE MAGIA RECORD AND IT’S OBVIOUS). I’ll try to explain the Doppelgangers and their relationship to the overall lore:

Doppelgangers are actually symbiotic organisms from another dimension that attach onto the souls of sapient beings because they themselves lack souls as well as self-awareness and consciousnesses (although they do have intelligence).

Doppelgangers are normally benign, but they respond to their hosts' emotions and can turn into Wraiths if overcome with despair. Again, this did not always used to be the case. It’s implied that Erina’s magic is shielding the city from the effects of Chaos, and therefore Doppelgangers cannot be corrupted.

All People of the Cycle (intelligent life) have Doppelgangers, but only mages have the power to manifest them in our dimension.

Doppelgangers are also manifestations of the host's soul. As such, the host might be self-conscious of their Doppelgangers or outright reject it if they don't like what they see. In turn, the Doppelganger might keep trying to force its user to confront their own demons or flaws in an attempt to help them (basically, sometimes a Doppelganger can be a really intense therapy session lol). 

A Doppelganger is a reflection of its user, and accepting one's Doppel is an act of self-love and self-acceptance. Doppelgangers themselves LOVE their hosts and are unquestioningly loyal to them. However, more than the host’s words, the Doppelganger obeys their heart.

If the host rejects their Doppelganger, the Doppelganger will still come out in the automatic purification field. The mage just won't be able to control it. Outside of the city, they'll turn into a Wraith unless they come to terms with the Doppel and are able to summon it. 

Dany hopes to expand the purification barrier across the entire universe. She plans on doing this by having Erina resonate with the Rule of Cycles once again and be granted a second wish.

The vast majority of mages are only given one miracle. However, mages who have accumulated exceptional amounts of karma and are judged to be worthy are capable of being granted a second wish. This is why Dany has been working so hard to build up Erina’s karma. To help her with this goal, Dany creates a group called the Weavers of Fate.

Oh... It’s a Cult

Yep, the Weavers of Fate are pretty much a mage-based cult based on their belief in Dany’s visions and Erina’s future as a goddess. But can you blame them for latching onto hope when their fate is so dicey? Dozens (and later thousands) of mages work to assist Dany in her goals.

The Weavers of Fate embrace and revere Erina as their messiah, sometimes making her uncomfortable because she just wants to live a normal life with her loved ones. But as the story goes on, Erina becomes more and more convinced that she needs to embrace the role if it means saving her fellow mages.

Side note: at a certain point in the timeline, the existence of mages becomes public knowledge. There’s a lot of sociopolitical drama that I won’t get into here.

Dany’s Changing Priorities

A few years into the timeline (after a LOT of things happen that aren’t relevant to this writeup), Erina shockingly and unexpectedly dies in a climatic battle against Chaos. Dany is utterly devastated and, in her grief, resonates with the Rule of Cycles and makes a second wish (by this point, Dany has wracked up TONS of karma herself). She wishes for a chance to redo things, and is given the ability to go back in time. She can only go back in time at the static rate of a few months, but this gives her enough time to plan ahead for the climatic battle.

Well, long story short, Dany goes through several time loops, failing each one, and gets more and more traumatized each time. Yes, she’s literally Homura but better off in a few ways. Anyway, Dany learns that Erina’s ascension to godhood is not guaranteed; with the more karma she accumulates, she is more and more likely to become a Wraith. And not just any Wraith, a Wraith that could easily destroy the entire world (and later, even the galaxy).

After years of single-mindedly pursuing her goal, Dany decides that all she wants to do now is protect Erina and her other friends. She’s done with being a pawn for cosmic forces greater than her. She feels immense guilt for putting Erina on a pedestal and putting her through all this, as she now deeply loves and cherishes Erina as a friend... or maybe something more than a friend.

Except oops, she’s already done so much at this point that she’s completely screwed over the chances of them all having a normal life. With every reset, things just get worse. But she refuses to give up, continuing to hold out hope even in the face of overwhelming odds.

How It All Ends

Dany finally reveals everything to Erina, expressing her regret and asking for Erina’s forgiveness. Erina says there’s nothing to forgive, as she wouldn’t change the life she’s lived and the experiences she’s had for anything.

The climatic final battle begins. Wraiths from all over the world descend on the city where the story takes place, overriding the purification barrier and causing mass death and havoc. Erina is forced to sit it out due to the dangers of her dying or becoming a world-destroying Wraith, like Dany has seen happen so many times. A lot of the main characters die fighting, and Erina is left devastated.

Despite all that, Erina affirms her belief in hope and her desire to give it to mages- her people. The way she sees it, mages are being punished for believing in hope and wanting a better life, and that is unacceptable. She remembers a dear friend who became a Wraith, along with all of the other people she’s known and cared about who suffered the same fate.

She knows what she has to do.

She has an emotional conversation with Eric, her adoptive father, and thanks him for setting her down this road. Despite his pain and reluctance to let her go, he gives her his blessing. Erina says goodbye to her remaining friends and loved ones, thanking them for showing her how beautiful the world is. There are a lot of awful, terrible things in the world, but the good things it has to offer are enough to make it worth fighting for. Erina knows this better than anyone.

Resonating with the Rule of Cycles once more, Erina makes her second wish: To have the power to grant the promise of “tomorrow” to mages. She ascends to godhood, and the purification barrier becomes a universal law of nature (much like Ultimate Madoka). Unlike Madoka, however, everyone remembers Erina and knows about her sacrifice.

Time restructures itself, and because the Wraiths that killed everyone no longer exist, the people who died in the final battle are resurrected. Erina’s friends and family- ESPECIALLY Dany, who is absolutely guilt-ridden- deeply mourn her loss, but vow to keep protecting the world she loved and cared so much about.

🩷 The End 🩷

I Lied, There’s More

Okay, so that’s the ending of the main paracosm. However, there’s a sequel! I have not spent nearly as much time on this as the main story so a lot is very sketchy. I’m just gonna list out my main ideas:

A little while after the ending of the main story, an alien union/federation/whatever makes first contact with Earth; they were also saved by Erina's actions and want to return the favor by helping humanity out.

Stuff Happens but I don’t know exactly what yet lol. I do know there’s a lot of space battles because that’s just cool.

Erina eventually comes back into her physical form because Dany is in danger (I imagine it's a situation similar to Rebellion; I haven't hammered out the details yet though). There are also Chaos machinations, which could be catastrophic for the universe.

She manages to save Dany and also connects with Chaos itself, making it realize it needs to chill out. Like it can still be Chaos but not so extra.

Erina with her loved ones, also getting to meet the new characters. She is sad about needing to leave them again, but knows her duty is more important.

However, the Rule of Cycles is very grateful for all of Erina’s help; after all, she ended Wraiths and managed to get Chaos to calm down just a bit. The RoC asks Erina if she wants to live out the rest of her natural lifespan in the mortal world. She says yes, because there's nothing she wants to do more than live her life with her friends and family, in the world she loves so much.

I imagine the system her wish made is still in place because, like Madokami, she's both Erina the individual and Erina the force of nature. It’s not great to have Erina the individual missing, but since it’ll only be for a few decades the universe can cope.

In the ACTUAL, FINAL ending, Erina becomes a teacher for young mages. Erina, Dany, and Iris (a main character whose relationship with Erina is also a major theme) officially become a polycule. LOVE FUCKING WINS!

If you made it this far: THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY, both the story itself and your interest mean more to me than anything!!! 🩷🩷🩷

[flamedraco]

TNT Duo Halloween Bingo

I want to host a TNT Duo fic/art prompt event! Starting from today (October 1) to the end of October 31st!

The prompts are as follows: Shadows Vampires Costume Party Trick or Treat Ghost Demon Witch Folklore Scary Movie Possession Graveyard Zombie Werewolf Full Moon Blood Serial Killer Masquerade Haunted House Fae Haunted Forest Cursed Mirror Painting Familiar

And here are some BONUS PROMPTS (these are just for fun and a bit more detailed than the previous ones): Horror of a Popular Fandom AU: This prompt is when you take an AU that's popular in fandom culture, and you twist it into something horror based. For example, I plan on doing a horror version of a Hannhaki AU. But you can make horror versions of any AU if you try hard enough. Coffee Shop, Flower Shop, Canon Divergence. If the AU is popular and widespread across fandoms as a whole, it can count. Go wild with this one.

Sci-Fi Horror: This one is pretty simple, there is a lot of potential for horror stories when it comes to Sci-Fi elements. Whether you're going with something FNAF inspired or tackling the fear of the unknown with space, there are options.

The Deep Blue Sea: The ocean is a horrifying place and there's a lot of potential for scary spooky shit to happen miles under the surface of the water. This prompt can just be anything involving underwater horror, whether that be ancient eldritch magic and lost cities, or just something large and terrifying that a human can't possibly comprehend in its entirety.

Eldritch: Honestly surprised I didn't think of this when I was coming up with the prompts for the original Bingo sheet itself. This one is very simple, general eldritch horror in whatever form you as a writer or artist or whatever else sees fit. Admittedly there's a lot of room for eldritch shenanigans right there on the board, but consider this a little extra for any creatives who might want a bit more freedom on how and why something is eldritch.

This concludes the bonus prompts.

I meant to post about this event earlier but didn't have the bingo sheet ready until today (thank you Boo from my Discord server who put it together!)

I would like to stress that this is an event for c!TNT Duo, as I do not support William Gold in any way shape or form. I just love the characters and love Halloween so I figured it would be a fun project to work on throughout October.

There's no pressure to participate, nor any real rules other than it being strictly for the characters. Tag your fics and art with "TNT Duo Halloween Bingo". And that you, obviously, cannot have a fanwork count for multiple bingo squares. If it uses two or three of those concepts it can only count for one. Of course, keeping all of them together in a oneshot book or art book or whatever is acceptable, just don't use one fanwork to count for multiple prompts.

There is no prize, this is just meant to be a silly fun thing for anyone who might want some Halloween inspiration for the characters.

Please enjoy!

-Flame Draco

[lhuxlux]

You know what? I absolutely LOVE the way Fionna & Cake (the show) told us how important Simon Petrikov (the one we know) was. Let's check out the most important universes. As expected, there will be spoilers:

Farmworld is pretty obvious itself. Simon was able to prevent the bomb that would have brought the Lich, which is pretty impressive itself, but that didn't stop the Lich forever and Simon wasn't able to take care of Marceline or even contact Hunson Abadeer. Because of this, Marceline dedicated her whole life (literal centuries) to guard the crown knowing it was too dangerous. Eventually, she dies after Farmworld Finn accidentally activates the bomb. Simon's sacrifice was noble, but it only delayed something that was inevitable and Marceline didn't have the best life guarding her friend and father figure's corpse for centuries due to the crown

Simon doesn't have the purpose of sacrificing his own life in order to save Marceline and other people. Becoming Ice King again for Fionna and Cake was a way to abandon and sacrifice the life he regained thanks to Betty. No one has such purpose, it was just Farmworld Simon's choice and we can see the consequences of his absence even years after those events occurred and our boy Prismo had to fix things a bit

After that, the show presents us Winterworld and a version of Simon that managed to "conquer" the crown and seemed like the perfect outcome for everyone involved: Simon keeping his sanity without facing the consequences of not only using the crown but also being a magic user again to bring magic back to Fionna's world. Thing is MMS (Magic, Madness, and Sadness) applies to all magic users and it is unavoidable, all of them will show different degrees of those three characteristics. Winter King is no exception, he is still mad despite projecting most of his madness on PB. We can see this because he made an ice version of Marceline despite saying it would be unethical to do the same with Betty

Simon cannot be a magic user because otherwise he won't be the Simon we know (Remember the Tiny Manticore mentioning how Betty changed as well after becoming a magic user?). He knew this every time he needed to use the crown in order to protect Marceline and survive. He acknowledged it was the only way to do it despite knowing the long-term effects and being aware he also hurt Marcy. Simon was no coward, he probably was scared and knew no one could save him from the crown's madness, and still tried to be himself when he could

Probably the reason why Winter King lost his Marceline was because he wanted to have the crown's power to survive without facing the consequences of using it, maybe he overused the crown itself until Simon was completely gone, making him unable or too dangerous to take care of Marcy. Winter king lived in a bubble in which he thought he was completely sane (which is not even possible if you are a magic user) and everything, including himself, was perfect. He wants to believe he's Simon but that's not the case, Simon is far gone and deep down he knows it when he took the name "Winter King" and decided to make his kingdom instead of using his own name and trying to live as Simon Petrikov, not some king

And, of course... Vampworld

The perfect answer to the question "How important is our Simon Petrikov?"

A world in which Marceline was never raised by Simon, and Hunson was absent or didn't mind that his daughter was raised by the Vampire King. Marcy didn't become a vampire hunter and didn't help humans survive. This is because she was educated in a different way since she was very little, and keep in mind that Marceline was already thinking she was a monster because she couldn't comprehend why her mother couldn't be with her anymore. Vampire King just encouraged her to behave like an actual monster

Simon cared about Marcy and her education, seeing her as a scared little girl living in the end of the world, not a monster despite knowing she was different. Again, he admitted he was Marceline's father figure and raised her as his own. This is why Simon is scared and maybe even a bit sad when he watches Marcy acting in such a cruel way, and that's why he loses his shit and calls the Vampire King a bad dad, he couldn't stand seeing someone else encourage that behavior on Marceline

Simon's education wasn't the best, he had his own struggles due to the crown, but he did his best and that made a difference on Marceline's life, he even bothered to contact Hunson so she wouldn't be all by herself. It was a pity he didn't know that Hunson himself wasn't that good as a father but leaving Marcy all by herself would have been cruel

And yet, Simon himself couldn't see this despite living it. He was still trying to save Fionna's universe by becoming Ice King again. Why? He thought his purpose was to help others by sacrificing himself, that's what he learned with Marceline when he took care of her, this made him think that Simon Petrikov didn't matter, only Ice King because he's able to make Fionna's world magic again and could stop Scarab, fueling his identity loss

Most people cannot realize how important they are, even if they didn't lose their identity. Sometimes it is too hard to know how important we actually are or we tend to forget and re-learn it, and this is something the show remarks despite Simon helped Fionna save her universe. He didn't need Ice King, but that doesn't mean it is over and he learnt his lesson

It is a longer process because there are ideas or thoughts about ourselves that are hard to abandon or not to pay attention to in order to avoid repeating the same mistakes

[toweroftunes]

csm 167 thoughts

Trying to come out of my posting hiatus after seeing some, let’s say, interesting reactions to the most recent CSM chapter. While it’s totally normal to be disappointed as a sympathetic or empathetic reaction to the protagonists being violated, it’s another for your take away to be that Fujimoto has “lost the plot” or that he was simply “horny,” which I’ve seen people say on Instagram (like, ???).

A non-consensual sex scene in Chainsaw Man, a manga with central themes revolving around sex and bodily autonomy, is not narratively out of line. And I would argue that being disappointed, feeling uncomfortable, is an expected reaction, maybe even an intended one. Of course we as the audience want Denji and Asa (Denji especially because we’ve followed him longer, know his trauma more intimately) to have happy relationships — to be able to find trust, love, and comfort in others. They deserve better. They always have. That’s what makes Chapter 167 so heartbreaking.

Idk. Seeing readers say that Fujimoto was simply “horny” is like hearing people say that Nabokov was a pervert for writing Lolita. The point of depicting these perspectives in media is often not for self-satisfaction, but to make us think critically about how we engage with these topics. It’s really worrying that there are readers who cannot comprehend this and do not realize that sex itself is a natural phenomenon that can be depicted as a neutral, negative, or positive depending on context and perspective.

Just because Denji had a physical reaction to being touched, does not make it “horny.” Things like hardness, wetness, and/or ejaculation are physical reactions to either stimuli or the expectation of sex. They are often involuntary reactions, not indicators of pleasure or consent.

Again, it’s what makes this heartbreaking. This is something that happened to Denji and Asa, not something that they were, either of them, active, consenting participants in. Yoru has no regard for consent, as War has no regard for consent. War takes. War leaves its victims to pick up the pieces in their trauma, confusion, and anger.

Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve done any meta, CSM or otherwise, so I’m definitely not putting everything succinctly as I’d like. I just think it’s important to critically engage with the text, even when it makes us uncomfortable, and I’ve seen some piss-poor takes on this topic.

And, hey, I could be proven wrong depending on where the story actually ends up going! I think a lot of how I’ll end up reading this scene will also depend on the context that follows, not just the context that has preceded it.

[moonynaturesethetic]

LETS TALK ABOUT THE NEW SAM AND COLBY VIDEO-SPOILERS!!!

Okay, so this is my first rant on Tumblr and sometimes I can say things I don't mean or have WAYY different opinions than others, so before continuing or commenting, PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND!!! I am only sharing my opinion on things, and feel free to share yours!!! (not proofread, I got school tmr)

The dolls eyes:

So, I've seen a lot of things about how they shouldn't have shown the dolls or added more warnings, and yes I do think more warnings could have been added, but think for their sake and others sake they showed the eyes because many others out there would have wanted to see. I think that either way, showing the eyes or not showing the eyes, no one is going to be happy. Because its either one side gets frustrated that they show the eyes so much, or the other gets mad because they didn't show the eyes.

The video in of itself:

Generally, it wasn't a bad video if we ignore all the stuff that went down, because it was a good video idea. You could tell that both boys were excited to be there and have been given the opportunity to do so.

Some side opinions:

Okay, just some small things which might bleed into the next topic but I really understand Sam's perspective, but my personal opinion on it is why would you chase something like that? I get it, you want the world to see it and prove to yourself that the paranormal is real, but IN MY PERSONAL OPINION, why would you chase it? If anything, let it come to you because the paranormal especially doing something as dangerous as that, is going to send something coming back to bite you and tear you down. It's so painfully obvious that doing something as severe as that is not 'cool' but dangerous. You have no idea what gate that'll open, and chances are, you wouldn't be able to close it. I think that whatever world is on the other side should not be opened by any means because you don't know what's going to come out, and you don't know how big that could be. It could be the biggest paranormal entity that he could've opened up, and I don't think he should've done that without understanding what really could have happened.

Now, as for the entire Annabelle thing and the other dolls (Sorry, I know some are still uncomfortable. Heck, I am) is also another thing. I firmly believe that everything Sam encountered was trying to warn him on what he was planning on doing, especially the entities with Annabelle. It was trying to warn him to not do it or follow through with it, and I think it kept saying things such as 'unholy' because it knew that whatever Sam was planning on doing could have potentially been one of the biggest unholy spirits to exist. I don't mean to disrespect in any way, but I also think that the spirits that were there with Sam and Colby while visiting the Annabelle doll were slightly nervous because they didn't know (or maybe they did) if whatever was on the other side was much bigger than them.

Sam and Colby splitting up:

Now, this is the biggest elephant in the room. In fact, in ALL of Sam and Colby history. Something this big hasn't happened since the Trap House and the original four broke off from each other. I hear both sides, although I am leaning towards a little more of Colby's side.

Sam's side:

Now, I completely understand wanting to put proof out there and prove to yourself that what you think is real is actually real, but if you cannot psychically comprehend the idea of health before doing something you think could be awesome, then you are not ready to do it. ESPECIALLY if you have not consulted anyone else, because that's when it becomes selfish. Now, as fan we don't know what's going on in Sam's personal life, especially after breaking up with Kat and the whole conjuring house incident, but it was blatantly obvious that when they were talking to each other, Sam was dealing with some mental health issues. I think that in recent videos, it's unfortunate to see Sam get lost in the idea of paranormal investigating and slowly lose himself and lose who he was before, and during this video, putting others in danger just because he was so desperate to prove to himself. Clearly, and once again I don't mean this in a disrespectful manner, but as someone who lost multiple family members, I think that possibly(POSSIBLY DARE I SAY) hearing from his grandma was a major thing for him and I think we've all noticed that since that experience, he has not been the same. I really hope that he learns from this experience, and receives professional help from therapists and others as such.

Colby's side:

Like I said before, I am more lenient towards Colby's side because of his connection with Robert(once again, sorry). And because Sam really shouldn't have done that without consulting Colby, especially with the chance that perhaps Robert caused Colby's cancer. You could tell that Colby's apology was genuine and from the heart, and when he heard and saw that Sam disrespected Robert after Colby had already apologized, it was like you could tell that he saw his own friendship flash before him. Not to mention, Both the boys have dealt with a lot over these past couple years, but you could tell that apologizing to Robert was a major thing for Colby. Sam failing to let him know and notify Colby about what he was planning to do was not something that a best friend, almost brother should do, because it could have put both of them in serious danger. You could tell that Colby was more concerned about getting in danger or getting hurt, and as harsh as some of his words might have been, Sam did need that reality check from him. I felt bad for both of them, but knowing that Colby thought this was just another milestone they were going to hit before finding out that Sam had a completely different plan, was hard to watch.

Overall:

Both boys are in a rough place right now, but honestly, both of their sides are completely understandable. This is my opinion, please don't judge me for it. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO ME RANT!!!<333

[drabblesandimagines]

[400 requests] congrats btw!! i adore how you write for joshua so may i ask for a joshua rosfield x reader.. extremely tooth rooting fluff.. kinda domestic fluff as well.. just a soft morning with joshua.. literally can be anything! from in bed or a nice stroll around the hideway.. a picnic breakfast somewhere.. anything!

Thank you, anon! I hope you enjoy this one. I feel I can't help but write Joshua so suave. Please, please drop me an inbox to let me know what you think x

Lazy Mornings Joshua Rosfield x reader, fluff

You cannot pinpoint exactly when it had started – hazy memories of your eyes meeting his blue ones across the sanctum, followed by deliberated brushing touches, chance meetings in the library at late hours turning into deliberate meetings in the Phoenix's bed chambers. Joshua had been away for a few weeks, conducting research, and you’d been worried in his absence. As he and Jote had returned the previous evening, his eyes had only met yours for a moment but you didn’t need words to know what he was after, and so you had snuck into his chambers later that night with all intentions of slipping out before the morning had come…

You wake up, slowly at first. You’re warm, relaxed and content, but the feeling is swiftly lost when you clock that the sun is a little too high in the sky for your liking and you need to get moving. Preparing to roll out the bed, you find two arms determined to keep you held snugly in place. You tut, taking hold of one and tug in an attempt to move it, but the limb holds stubbornly firm, though you cannot miss the flicker of a smile on your captor’s face.

“Joshua…”

Silence – his blonde hair mussed up around him as he lays on the pillow, almost angelic.

“Joshua.”

Nothing – obviously determined to keep up his pretense.

“I know you are awake, Joshua.”

He nuzzles his head into your neck then, making you squirm a little as it tickles. “No, I am not.”

“You have never been one to talk in your sleep, so I disagree.” You tug again, but his arm remains heavy in place. “I need to go.”

“Mm. You do not.” His eyes remain closed, determinedly so.

“I do, though”, you stress again, trying to sit up to see if that will help you gain some leverage. “I’ve stayed too late.”

“Not late enough. Go back to sleep – you’re still tired too, sweet one.”

You’re glad his eyes are still closed as you feel the heat rise in your cheeks from his term of endearment and sigh – dramatically so - before dropping back against the many pillows that adorn the Phoenix’s bed. “You are being a little childish.”

Joshua opens his eyes then, looks up at you with a coy smile. “Mayhaps I would admit a little bit of selfishness, but why are you in such a rush to leave me?”

“That’s not fair,” you protest at his wording. “You know I wish to stay, but if Master Cyril were to catch me in here, he’d…” You trail off. You can’t comprehend what he might do, to be honest, but it wouldn’t be anything good. Of course, Cyril isn’t blind to the looks that you and Joshua share across chambers, but it was only mere speculation on his part – nothing that he could note down in his work of the Phoenix’s life and duties.

“Cyril would not dare to enter my private chambers without permission.” He sits up, though keeping his hold firm on you as he does – afraid you might vanish from his sight if he does not.

“But he will surely visit them to check on your hea-”

Warm lips cut you off mid-word. Your eyes meet Joshua’s blue ones, yours wide with surprise as he closes his, places a palm on your cheek to coax you to reciprocate his kiss. You close your eyes then, careful to exhale through your nose, and kiss back, matching his pace. Moments pass as you settle into a steady rhythm, but something pushes you forward, placing a hand on his thigh, swiping your tongue across his bottom lip and-

Three knocks at the door in a familiar pattern.

You jerk out of the kiss in alarm, almost toppling off the bed itself were it not for Joshua’s quick reflexes pulling you back towards him.

“Who is it?” He calls, smiling at you all the while.

“It is I, Cyril, Your Grace.”

“One moment.”

You look around the chambers in alarm – the window is too small to crawl through, the door is the only exit you have, but that’s right through the thoroughfare of the sanctum at this hour, not to mention the man standing at the other side of it. “Joshua, what do we do?”

“I will deal with it. You, however, should lie back, relax…” he whispers, pushing you down gently, kissing your forehead, “..and stay quiet.” He gets to his feet then, throwing the soft red knitted blanket over you, before you hear his soft footsteps head over to the door, the oak creaking as he opens it enough for him to pop his head out to greet the Bearer of the Burning Quill.

“I am sorry to disturb you, Your Grace, but as I had not seen you this morn I wanted to check everything was all right.”

“Fine, Cyril. I am just a little weary after the last few days of travel – I think I will take today to rest if matters can wait.”

“Very well, Your Grace.” Cyril nods, though steps to the side a little, trying to see behind the Phoenix. “Would you like me to send for Lady Jote to assist you?”

“No, no - that is quite unnecessary,” Joshua waves off, “I know she is tired from our travels also. If you could arrange for some sustenance to be sent up so I can break my fast, that would be appreciated.”

“At once, Your Grace. Will that be all?”

“Yes. Thank you, Cyril.”

Cyril bows, takes a step back and the door is swiftly shut behind him.

You feel the mattress dip besides you before the blanket is pulled down from over your face – a boyish grin on Joshua’s face. “See? The day is ours.”

You stare up at him, your heart pounding from your nerves – realizing what had scared you so. It wasn’t so much being caught by Cyril, but the idea of being caught and forbidden from seeing Joshua again.

“Have I lost you, sweet one?” The Phoenix questions, laying down besides you, tilting your chin to meet your gaze.

“I love you.”

The smile on Joshua’s face is as bright as the sun in the sky.

“I love you more.”

--

Comments, likes and reblogs make my whole day x

Masterlist . Requests welcome . Ko-fi

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

❒ warnings: descriptions of trauma; panic attacks; anxiety; effects of post-traumatic stress; fear; psychological distress; emotional vulnerability.

THE TRAUMA

Imagine waking up with your heart pounding so loudly it echoes in your ears, in a dense, oppressive silence. As soon as you open your eyes, the room is cloaked in shadow, and what should be your bedroom—a safe place—suddenly transforms into an alien space, filled with invisible threats. 

For Chaeri, this is the beginning of a crisis that traps her, a sensation that unfolds in mere moments as she wakes, when her mind is not yet fully conscious and fear takes shape as a tangible danger. These episodes stem from a profound trauma, an event that altered the way Chaeri perceives the world. To her, people, spaces, even the night itself, have lost their neutrality. 

It’s as if a part of her is always on high alert, constantly ready to defend against an invisible but persistent threat. Her mind and body treat every noise, every shadow, as though it were a lurking trap. During these nightmares—or more accurately, these moments of post-waking paranoia—Chaeri is convinced that someone could genuinely harm her. 

Rationally, she knows she’s alone and safe, but it’s as if her body refuses to accept it. Her mind knows there’s no one in the room, but her body reacts as if there is, as if every shadow is a threat.

This is a typical effect of trauma, and for those who experience it, it’s exhausting: it breaks your sense of control and makes you feel as though you’re always at the mercy of a danger you can’t see. When she experiences these moments, her breathing becomes shallow and labored. 

You might picture her curled up, wide-eyed, as if desperately trying to see something in the darkness. She tries to tell herself that no one is there, repeating it like a mantra: “It’s just in my head.” But that awareness isn’t enough. It’s as if her mind can’t command her body. 

Even though she knows there’s no real danger, her body continues to respond as if there is. It’s a paradox, a mental trap that’s nearly impossible to escape from easily. There’s a term for this kind of fear that manifests even when we’re awake: body memory. Trauma is like a poison that doesn’t dissolve; it continues to course through her body in the form of instincts, of reactions. 

Even after opening her eyes, after realizing it’s all an illusion, Chaeri remains trapped in that feeling of danger, as if every fiber of her being refuses to forget. Even when her mind is clear, her body cannot let go of the terror that reminds her of the past experience.

It is difficult to explain what it is like to wake up in an empty room and, at the same instant, feel as if there is someone next to your bed, ready to do harm. For those who have not experienced it, it is almost impossible to comprehend the feeling of being hostage to your body, of feeling that your own mind is against you, trapped in a series of fears that you cannot rationalize.

If Chaeri could speak openly about her problem, she would admit that she hadn't been the same for years. She would admit that she had been living with the sensation of wearing glasses with the wrong lenses, distorting everything around her. She would admit that the transition from girl to teenager scared her more than it does most girls, because she feared that the impact of her past experience would shape her into a person she didn't want to become.

The early days with the rest of the members were scary and problematic for Chaeri, when she realized that from then on she would share everything with those seven boys for a long time. There were different reasons for this, but the main ones were that she would have to live with strangers, all men, and that she wouldn't be able to hide her vulnerability for long, given the dormitory conditions that included a shared bedroom, one bathroom, and a kitchen.

Once she overcame the initial hurdle and realized they were all extremely kind and reliable, and that they had no intention of harming her, the challenge remained to build relationships with all of them and try not to let them notice her problem.

At first, it seemed like a good idea to force her eyes to stay open and her mind alert until everyone else had fallen asleep. This way, she could sneak out of the bedroom and sit as comfortably as possible on a lounge chair in the kitchen/living room, and fall asleep there. She didn't want to offend the others or make them think she was hiding something.

And at first, it worked: no one noticed she wasn't sleeping in her bed, and when the episodes began, she faced them alone, waiting for them to pass. However, the routine of being a trainee and soon-to-be idol became increasingly tough, and staying awake to carry out her little escape became more difficult. Plus, as she got to know the boys better and felt more comfortable with them, falling asleep as soon as her back touched the mattress became inevitable.

It wasn’t long before she realized that her attempts to mask her episodes, to keep them hidden from the others, would be a futile effort. There would always be nights when the fear overtook her, when the echoes of her past crept into her present, leaving her trembling and panicked. And there was no way the others wouldn’t notice. There was no place to hide. No way to conceal the nights she woke up gasping for air, clutching her chest as if to hold her heart together.

At first, she was terrified of their reactions. What would they think of her? Would they pity her? Would they think she was broken? These thoughts swirled in her head constantly in the early weeks, amplifying her anxiety and making it harder to connect with the others on a deeper level.

The first time it happened, she wished the earth would swallow her whole. One night, Taehyung had found her sitting on the floor of the bathroom, her knees pulled to her chest, her breathing shallow and erratic. She had been convinced that she heard someone moving in the apartment, despite knowing all the doors were locked. Taehyung, groggy but concerned, had crouched down beside her, his voice soft and hesitant as he asked what was wrong. She couldn’t answer him; words were stuck in her throat. All she could do was shake her head, hoping he’d leave. He didn’t. Instead, he fetched Namjoon, who knelt beside her, speaking soothing words that barely registered through the fog of her panic.

The morning after, they didn’t press her. They gave her space, but their kindness only made her feel worse. She hated that they’d seen her like that, hated that they were now burdened with the knowledge of her weakness.

It was inevitable that the more time they spent together, the more frequent the nights became when she was seized by that post-nightmare terror. Eventually, every member of the group, some more aware of the details than others, came to know what Chaeri had experienced and how she couldn’t free herself from the pain it had caused her.

It wasn’t as though she wanted them to know—each revelation felt like a tiny fracture in the armor she had so carefully constructed—but the dorm left little room for secrets.

Jin was the next to find her during an episode. It had been a particularly grueling day of training, and she had gone to bed more exhausted than usual. Sleep came quickly, but so did the nightmare. This time, the suffocating fear was so overwhelming that she had stumbled out of her bed, trying to shake the sensation of hands gripping her wrists, of whispered threats echoing in her ears.

She had collapsed onto the kitchen floor, knees pressed to the cold tiles, her breath coming in rapid gasps. That’s where Jin found her, his sleepy confusion quickly giving way to concern. He didn’t say much—just crouched beside her, his large hand resting lightly on her shoulder.

She couldn’t look at him, tears streaming down her face. He stayed there with her for what felt like an eternity, quietly humming a tune she recognized from one of their early practices. It wasn’t until her breathing evened out that he spoke.

“Do you want me to stay, or should I give you some space?”

The choice made her stomach twist; both options felt unbearable. Finally, she whispered “Space, please.” Jin nodded, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before leaving. The next morning, he made her favorite breakfast, wordlessly sliding the plate in front of her at the table.

Slowly but surely, the boys began to understand that whatever Chaeri was going through was far bigger than anything they could fix on their own. It was Yoongi who first broached the idea of professional help, after watching her struggle through another restless night. “Sometimes, we need help to untangle the things we can’t face alone. You can’t keep carrying this by yourself. It’s eating you alive.”

She didn’t want to disappoint them. She agreed to try, hoping that maybe they were right, that maybe someone out there could fix her. But stepping into that small, sterile room with its overstuffed armchair and soft lighting felt wrong from the start.

The therapist had kind eyes and a soothing voice, but none of it mattered. Chaeri couldn’t bring herself to say the words. She sat there, stiff and guarded, giving vague answers to every question, terrified of being truly seen. Each session became a battlefield between her need to heal and her unwillingness to face the monster lurking in her past.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to get better. She did. But something about talking felt like peeling off a scab that hadn’t even begun to heal. Every word felt like it might split her open, leaving her vulnerable and raw. And so, after a few weeks, she stopped going, telling them that it “just wasn’t helping.” She could see the sadness in their eyes, though they tried to hide it. That made it worse.

Since therapy didn’t work, Chaeri began to lean into small, self-made rituals to regain some control over her nights.

Her rituals started out simple, born out of desperation. They were little routines meant to anchor her, to remind her that she was safe. Before bed, she would triple-check every lock in the dorm—front door, balcony door, and even the windows. She would glance under the beds and inside the closets, even though she knew rationally that there was nothing there.

As the years went by, the episodes came less frequently, though they never disappeared entirely. At their peak, the episodes had occurred nearly every night, leaving her physically and emotionally drained. But slowly, as time passed, they began to fade.

Now, months or even years might pass without a single one. She didn’t know whether this was because time had dulled the sharp edges of her fear or because she was learning to cope. Maybe it was both.

What she was sure of, however, was that the constant help from the members had significantly affected her gradual recovery of her sleep, happiness and peace. Even when the shadows in her mind came back to visit her, there was always someone ready to support her in getting the light back. It was a realization that allowed her to look at the future with new eyes, without the burden of a past she could never erase, but could learn to live with it.

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr | @bts-dream | @enchantingbrowneyedgirl | @ycuvi | @cosmicwintr

[fanficwritingcentral]

Flower Prince (AO3 link)

Summary: When Hyacinthus died in Apollo's arms, he never thought he'd ever wake up.

But, looking at his mother all these years later, hopefully she can give him some answers.

~~~~~~~

It wasn't meant to end like this.

His head pounded with sharp pain and blood blurred his vision. Divine golden eyes tinted red dripped tears over his face and he raised a weak shaking hand to wipe them away.

Notes: So I've been kinda thinking about what it would be like for Hyacinthus to wake up after Gaia brought him back and how that would look and came up with this. Hopefully you guys like it, it's pretty much a prequel to There Once was Prince of Sparta that I wrote a month ago but I just finished it now

Hope you enjoy 😘✌️

It wasn't meant to end like this.

His head pounded with sharp pain and blood blurred his vision. Divine golden eyes tinted red dripped tears over his face and he raised a weak shaking hand to wipe them away.

"It wasn't your fault," he forced out, words had suddenly become harder to say, "I do not blame you, 'pollo."

The God above him sobbed, "oh Hyacinthus, my Hyacinthus, I cannot heal you, I cannot help you." The God bowed his head to rest his forehead against his.

Hyacinthus closed his eyes, sight had become to painful. "I forgive you," he whispered.

Apollo screamed and a bright light burned through his eyelids. Suddenly, the pain began to disappear as did the feeling in his arms and legs. The loss of feeling traveled up his limbs and over his body and with it came an odd mash of thoughts: the sun is harsh, when will it rain, I need water, let me spread let me sprout let me grow and grow and grow.

Just before he lost his head, he gave one last prayer to Apollo, please, 'pollo, do not let the west wind carry me.

And then he was lost.

.

... He grew.

.

And the world turned and turned.

.

.

... He spread, far and wide.

.

.

.

"Little prince." An earthly voice called out.

... He grew.

.

.

"Little prince." An earthly voice called again, louder.

Hmm? he stirred but quickly became lost again.

.

He drank.

.

"Time to return, Little Prince."

.

.

.

... Hyacinthus opened his eyes to the bright blue sky and the burning sun right above him. He quickly closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. The scent of nature quickly filled his nose, the trees, grass and flowers so strong that he began to cough harshly. He turned to his side, trying to raise himself with weak shaking arms while his chest racked itself with coughing.

He then took notice of the sound, the leaves and branches swaying gently with the breeze, the incects buzzing in the air and a stream burbling near by.

His arms collapsed underneath him, and he began to groan in pain as all his senses were assaulted with the world around him. He curled up and covered his ears with his hands and keened.

And keened.

Hands then began touching him and a voice was saying words he couldn't understand. He cried, it hurt, he tried pushing them away, couldn't they understand it hurt?

It hurt so much.

He felt drops of water falling above him, landing on his cheak and trailing across his nose.

A snap.

His surroundings instantly changed, the noise and smells stopped and he laid on something soft.

His cried and cried.

And hand gently laid on his head and lightly touched his hair making him whine and shake his head. The hand quickly retreated and a voice spoke quietly but he could not comprehend them.

A finger then touched his forehead and he fell into darkness.

...

...

Hyacinthus woke up.

He opened his eyes and looked around the small room he was in, the walls and ceiling were made of wood. Light streamed in from the windows, it seemed to be the only thing coming from them. How odd. And they seemed to shine, like they had a clear cover. Glass?

The scent in the room felt light, as did the noise. It was... bearable.

Two chairs and a small table were by the end of the room close by the door and there was a little bowl filled with flowers that he knew intimately in the centre of the table.

He then focused on himself and the mattress and pillow he laid on. He felt around himself, the mattress was covered in some kind of cloth and he could not even say what the mattress was made of, though it did feel better than anything he had lain on before. The pillow felt familiar, like the feathered filled ones he was used to as a prince, though it too was covered in cloth similar to the mattress.

He himself was bare, no clothes nor blanket covered him.

This did not bother him as it may have in the past.

A rattling sound came from the door and his eyes shot towards it. The door opened and in came someone he would know anywhere.

Someone he'd known his entire life and loved completely even with her distance. His mother.

"Mama." He called out with a soft weak voice and slightly lifted a hand in her direction.

His mother's eyes snapped to him and dropped what she was holding. Without a care to the items, she quickly went over to him and he watched as tears soon began to fall down her face.

"My baby," she cried, "my sweet prince," she carefully placed her arms around him and hugged him. The touch felt uncomfortable, but for his mother he could endure it. He had no strength to hug her back, he could only lean his head against hers.

They hugged for as long as Hyacinthus could bare it, and then he could not more. He leaned back and felt his mother's arms withdraw. He looked into her purple eyes, an even more intense colour than his own, and wondered at the gift he been given, just how had it happened?

"Mama?" He said quietly, he still had no energy to raise it any more than slightly above a whisper, "how am I here? How was I brought back?"

His mother gave a tight smile and lightly brushed a small lock of his hair out of his face, "the Earth Mother brought you back, love."

"The Earth Mother?" He said slowly, "why would she bring me back? I may not have been very aware of things as a flower but I do know that it has been a very long time since I was alive, what would be the point?"

"There is a war," his mother answered and brought his blanket up to cover him a bit more-

"A war?" He interrupted.

"Yes," she nodded and brushed her hands across the blanket, making it neat like she had the few times she visited as a child, "a war, the Earth Mother is waking up and wants to take back control. She's already brought back warriors of old to make it harder for the young demigods to fight against her, so I can only assume she done the same for you."

Hyacinthus' mind raced, a war and the Earth Mother herself bringing old warriors back from the dead, but still, what would be the point of him? He's never had issues with other demigods, he would never want any harm to come to them, their lives were already hard enough. The only issue he might have is with the-

"Gods," he said simply, as a statement, "I was brought back for the Gods, yes?"

His mother's eyes welled up in tears and she nodded, "Yes, love, you were brought back for the Gods. She's doing whatever she can to ensure she would win, and what better way to ensure that than taking out one of the most powerful? An Olympian."

"She would use me against Apollo."

"She would," his mother nodded again, "and it would work so easily, Apollo, if he knew, would be distracted completely, his mind would be on nothing else other than you. Us Gods are obsessive afterall, as you know."

Hyacinthus' mind went back to that fateful day, how the wind changed so quickly, a powerful blow from the west in one second and a painful crack in his head the next. Yes. He understands their obsessiveness intimately.

"I would never want to hurt him for it," he said, "I hate how I was caught between them but not him. Never him."

His mother sat on the side of his bed, "I know, love. But we are very lucky that the Earth Mother miscalculated on one thing."

His scrunched his forehead in thought, "what one thing?"

Smiling brightly, his mother replied, "Me. She never counted on me to notice first."

Hyacinthus gave a small relived smile in response, "and how lucky we are for that, mama."

[grislyintentions]

|Personal Depiction: Yaoshi (HC)|

Romanticised Perspective

For all their love of life’s creations, Yaoshi is an Aeon that is far removed from humanity and their suffering.

They do love them and wish them a life free from the torment of death or pains of illness. Hence they are always drawn to those who fervently wish for another chance at life and those who are lost, lonely or struggling to offer assistance (and because these people are often desperate enough to view them as a symbol of hope, they accept most of the time).

Yet more often than not, the cost & consequence of Yaoshi’s blessings often result in subjecting people to fates worse than death even if they themselves have never physically taken a life with their own hands.

In this regard, their disconnect with humanity is comparable to someone over-watering their plants (resulting in rot), a child roughly handling others, feeding animals human food, drowning insects with an overflow of honey and spoiling to a lethal extent. For an Aeon like them, the lines between kindness and cruelty are often blurred; Arguably, they are one and the same.

Even if they were to be confronted with the devastation/aftermath of their blessings someday, the Aeon would only further weep at their pain, and further romanticise their suffering and breathe their forms into ‘new life’. They care, they really do, just not in the way one could comprehend (or accept).

Ancient Beliefs

When it comes to the subject of medicine, ancient chinese beliefs center heavily around the nature of its uses and applications. According to the belief 《是药三分毒》, the correct usage/application of medicine will aid in recovery and healing from sickness. However, take it where it’s not needed and it very well becomes a form of poison to the body.

This is in part why there is a common theme of 《以毒攻毒》(combating poison with poison) depicted in Wuxia literary works and chinese drama centered around the olden times, especially when the character sustained a mortal injury.

The simplest explanation of ‘traditional chinese medicine’ is the belief that the human body can recover/heal itself through the aid of herbal remedies and adjustments (anything apart from that which requires surgery). Most practitioners are required to have an intimate knowledge on herbs, brewing/concocting methods and what functions they all have along with what can and cannot be mixed. The base idea of it all is to prepare ingredients to brew medicinal soup, however in later ages, they can come in the form of a ‘pill’ as well.

In Yaoshi, these elements are present in their form closely representing nature as well as the adverse effects of their ‘blessings’ that come to be. There is always a risk when one craves something badly enough to take ‘poison’. There is always a cost to be paid. That is why people continue to try and seek Yaoshi’s Elixirs out despite there being countless tragedies born from the Aeon’s enlightenment of their world.

Yaoshi, in their own essence, is simply not an Aeon that can be classed as good or evil. They simply exist as them: it is up to humanity to make that opinion for themselves. And just as well, it is humanity’s own desire that would shape their interactions.

Longevity & Emanators

While it is commonly agreed that Yaoshi’s form consists of multiple red slitted eyes with black sclera, they serve another purpose. Borrowing the above example of a ‘pill’, these ‘eyes’ contain the Aeon’s essence. By ingesting them, one will gain knowledge from the path of Abundance and forever bind themselves to the Aeon.

Through their Emanators, Yaoshi’s eternal gaze spreads across the universe. Nature finds a way to survive and even thrive in the unlikeliest of places, much like fungi or dandelions growing from cracks in concrete. As long as their Emanators live, so will Yaoshi.

Thanks to this, Yaoshi remains currently one of the hardest Aeons to kill/replace. Should another Aeon think to join forces with the Plagues Author, they could very well possess the capabilities to decimate part of the vast universe unless they are stopped.

Another point to note:

The forbidden secrets behind the undefinable and remote connection between those of the Hunt and Yaoshi has been described as a ‘connection that cannot be explained by physics’. Attempts at divining the fate of Aeons have been said to be forbidden, though they can be forgiven. But it is the predicting/divining of Yaoshi’s fate that is specifically banned by the Ten-Lords Commission, with the crime being tantamount to the Ten Unpardonable Sins.

It is implied that diviners who have attempted to divine Yaoshi’s fate have all met a tragic demise before punishment could even be sentenced and truly it is up to us to imagine the horrors they must have witnessed.

[coolspork]

Dude, you celebrated Aaron Bushnell’s suicide. You’re clearly not connected to your Judaism in any way if you can’t even comprehend the basic idea of Pikuach Nefesh. I hope you grow and learn not to celebrate people killing themselves

Sincerely, a former (yay!) suicidal Jew who actually cares about human life

Hi. I am glad to hear you are no longer suicidal, it's not a good place to be, I know from personal experience.

On to your main point. I don't feel that I am in any way "celebrating" the death of Aaron Bushnell, at least not in any positive light surrounding the fact that he died. I think what he did was horrifying and I think that's the point. Preservation of human life is an incredibly important thing to be mindful of especially during a war, and I truly believe that was something he was fully aware of. I didn't know him personally, I guess I can never say with absolute certainty why he did it, but with all the available evidence I feel confident in saying that his goal WAS to preserve human lives. I grew up surrounded by US military culture and service members and I understand the significance of an American soldier in an American uniform doing something like that while making those statements. I understand that his life was lost and that that in and of itself is a fucking tragedy, but I think the impact he has had will save more lives in the bigger picture.

The US military and police have incredibly close ties with the IDF to the point that I *know* non-jewish, non-israeli, antisemitic people here in America who have personally worked and trained with the IDF and support them uncritically. The US military is one of our government's "greatest" assets (much sarcasm) when it comes to political power and the culture surrounding the military is extremely strong. If attitudes about what's happening in Gaza were to shift within those spheres it would bring incredible change to a movement with the interest in protecting human life.

Self immolation has been used as a form of protest before. Aaron Bushnell's is not unique, it is just the most recent and named case. A woman who self-immolated in Georgia has been in critical condition since December and I truly hope she survives. It is something that has occured on record for thousands of years. I don't hold the belief that this is a practice to be encouraged or advocated for, I think it is a very jarring wake up call, especially in the society we live in today. I think the fact that you and I are so absolutely horrified at the thought of it *is the point*. He was a white male US service member. People who were refusing to acknowledge lives lost in Gaza were forced to name him because of his privileged position AS a white male US service member. I think that what he did was an incredibly brave and selfless sacrifice and that to try and bury his actions is disrespectful to that sacrifice. No one should have to go to such extremes to get their government's attention.

The fact that this is horrifying, especially to those that put a lot of value in pikuach nefesh and similar values in other cultures is the fucking point. I cannot save that man, what happened has already happened. The only thing I, as a random person on the internet, can do is use the momentum his sacrifice created to try to save more lives in the coming months by putting pressure on the military industrial complex that he publicly refused to support.

What he did was horrifying, and that is the fucking point.

Edit: I know this is an extremely controversial topic and people have a variety of reasons to agree or disagree with his actions. I don't expect everyone to support what he did, but I at least would hope you could see why he did it

[llau-ren-ti-a]

I know, I know, people bawl their eyes out to this song, but it will forever be my Tech & Crosshair anthem.

Just oh my god I can’t even put it into words. Put this in any regular scenario, put this in any scenario in which Crosshair finally returns to the Bad Batch and does not fit in with them right away. Either another person is urging one to talk to the other or one of them takes initiative without any prodding from the outside.

“Oh brother, I can't, I can't get through

I've been trying hard to reach you 'cause I don' know what to do

Oh brother, I can't believe it's true

I'm so scared about the future, and I wanna talk to you.”

They are both SO BAD with changes and readjustments, I feel like the whole empire/Omega/Crosshair situation has taken such a tremendous toll on them and not even having each other simply breaks my heart for them.

“You can take a picture of something you see

In the future where will I be?

You can climb a ladder up to the sun

Or a write a song nobody has sung

Or do something that's never been done”

Tech’s hobby LITERALLY being recording things; Crosshair wondering how to fit back into the puzzle of his family, of his relationships. Both being amazed (and intimidated) by each other, still having this brotherly bond despite all of that happened, both unable to phrase how they feel.

“Are you lost or incomplete?

Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?

Tell me, how do you feel?

Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak

And they’re talking it to me”

Tech canonically (and literally) being interested and proficient in languages and communicating cannot find the words to talk to his own brother. Everything that has happened has fundamentally disrupted their structures, their relationships, their beliefs, their perceptions of each other. Crosshair, feeling misunderstood, unable to convey, hell, even comprehend what happened, what he did to civilians, to his family - what has been done to him. Crosshair not finding a connection, a way back into his family. He’s with them, but not part of them.

“So you don't know where you're going and you wanna talk

And you feel like you're going where you've been before

You tell anyone who'll listen, but you feel ignored

Nothing's really making any sense at all, let's talk

Let's talk, let's talk, let's talk”

Crosshair having no idea how to cope, how to heal, how to deal with his situation; having no goals, no direction, simply getting by from one day to another, no structure, no future, nothing to look forward to, not knowing what the future will bring - he’s was floating in nothingness; meaninglessness before he escaped the empire, and now that he’s back with his brothers nothing has changed.

“You’re going where you’ve been before.”

His mind is going to all these dark places, to Kamino, to Onderon, to Bracca - he can’t detach him from those events, from the mistakes and wrong decisions he made himself and those forced upon him.

No one seems to understand, no one seems to care, no one seems to put an effort in to actually sit down and talk to him.

But Tech talks. Tech talks a whole lot. And he fills all this deafening silence that Crosshair once appreciated and now has come to resent. Tech’s seemingly never-ending chatter one day turns into a heart-to-heart that makes them discover how much they mean to each other - despite everything.

- - -

I could shit out an entire analysis about this song itself and at least five for the Tech & Crosshair context and I simply cannot stop thinking about it.

[dorianbrightmusic]

learned helplessness, & sweeping up internal/external hurricanes

i'd say one thing we don't discuss enough with mental health is the sheer terror of having something going on that you can't really describe, or that you don't comprehend well enough to be able to explain. so as a result, you end up dealing with some of the worst mental health symptoms you've ever had simply because you cannot describe them. a therapist, no matter how good, can seldom help if they don't know it's going on; and you can't tell other people that you're distressed, because if you don't get the wording right, they'll suspect you of something else, and then you'll have worried them without even getting help for the original distress.

when i first started having intrusive thoughts, i couldn't tell they were intrusive thoughts: i had an egosyntonic disorder at the time, meaning i couldn't really tell my own will apart from this other thing that was splitting my mind into little pieces. as such, i couldn't say 'i'm having violent intrusive thoughts', since i was scared that a part of me was genuinely turning violent. the result? i could only really articulate that i felt very afraid and unsafe, but not that 'i actually have this terrible feeling that i'm not in control of my body or mind'. trying to articulate 'i know it's irrational but every time i hear this song i wrote, i think i'm going to die, so i had to delete it from my computer and wipe the backup drives'?. couldn't do it, for it was something that could have made no more sense to anyone else than it did to me.

how do you articulate that your internal monologue doesn't feel like your own? you don't. it's not something that makes sense to you, so it'll certainly sound insane to anyone else. so you push it down and desperately hope it resolves. and it does, but the experience of not being able to talk about it, of not knowing what's going on and others never being able to understand when you try to explain – it's isolating, so isolating. so you learn to cling to any morsel of emotion, of validation, that you can get, and hence you learn to be disappointed, because you have an unspeakable conundrum. you hide each bit of yourself and then resent the fact that people complied when you instructed them not to go looking, and resent those who went looking and still never quite pieced you back together. nobody hurt you and nobody pushed you away and everyone was kind, but your experience is now fragmented, and if only someone could see that, could fix that.

i had a bad year last year—my memory gave out, and i lost a sense of joy. i saw static when i closed my eyes. at the time, this was called work-related stress. and sure, i was stressed; but 12 months later, i had a moment of sheer clarity in an elevator, where i finally could describe what'd happened. not just 'i was sad'. i had felt like i hadn't existed. my entire identity had ruptured and i was trying to pilot a body that didn't recognise itself. and that was the exact summation of it all, but had i been able to see that, let alone say that, at the time? no, and as a result, i learnt to be disheartened and afraid, and what was probably depression-adjacent at least and actual depression at most got brushed off as stress. which is fair, because overpathologising isn't necessarily helpful, but when you are lonesome, and you know there could have been an answer, a consolation————

that's the problem with mental health – you can't help someone who doesn't know what's happening to them, who thus can't communicate what's happening to them, unless you can somehow guide them to work out what's going on. and that's not something most people have time to achieve. the result is that we grow isolated and resentful because we didn't get the help that never could have been (but oh, if it could have been). and you stop trusting that people will hear you. given how many mental health symptoms are marked by that sense of not knowing what's going on – intrusive thoughts, dissociation, panic, demoralisation, anxiety, psychosis, trauma, detachment, despair – then it still is quite easy in today's world to feel a sense of becoming helpless to your own unspeakable terror.

[youforgotmyname]

My Favorite Pink Floyd Songs

I FEEL LIKE MAKING A LIST. I am putting it here in my digital diary. (Ignore this, I got too personal.)

Pink Floyd is and has been my favorite band since I was thirteen years old. They have been a constant presence in my life as my dad has been a huge fan his entire life. I have memories of him playing and singing PF songs to me when I was a kid. I have yet to find a band/artists who surpasses them in my mind. That being said, I haven't listened to all of their albums yet because I'm so satisfied with what I have heard that I haven't gotten bored enough to hear more yet. (YET!) I am savoring them and their music. I love all of the songs on these albums but I'm trying to narrow them down as much as possible, for fun.

MEDDLE (1971)

Echoes - What a TRIP. This is a song that inspires me endlessly, I pick up on something new every time I listen to it. Some insane lyricism, paired with crazy instrumentals. Holy cow. Favorite Lyrics - "The echo of a distant time comes willowing across the sand / And everything is green and submarine" and "Strangers passing in the street / By chance two separate glances meet / And I am you and what I see is me"

DARK SIDE OF THE MOON (1973)

Breathe (In the Air) - One of the songs I remember my dad singing to me as a kid. I remember one day he pulled up the lyrics to show me, and they went over my head at the time, but every time I hear this song now they haunt me. Favorite Lyrics - "Run, rabbit run / Dig that hole, forget the sun / And when at last the work is done / Don't sit down it's time to dig another one"

Time - This is in my top three PF songs. I cannot express how beautiful and fucking gut-wrenching this song is. It has one of the band's best guitar solos. When I hear this song I ascend and also comprehend my own mortality like it's the first time. Unmatched. I hear this song and panic over the passage of time, but I also bask in the absolute beauty of the music itself. Favorite Lyrics - "And you run and you run to catch up with the sun / but it's sinking" (Honorable mention: "Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way")

WISH YOU WERE HERE (1975)

Shine on You Crazy Diamond (Pts. 1-5) - Knowing the lore behind this song makes it absolutely insane. This is another song where I remember my dad showing the lyrics to me and pointing them out. I love this song just for the lyrics alone, the imagery in it inspires me heavily as a writer. Favorite Lyrics - "Remember when you were young? / You shone like the sun / Shine on you crazy diamond / Now there's a look in your eyes / Like black holes in the sky"

Have A Cigar - This is absolutely a hype song for me, put it on and I'll be singing along (badly) at the top of my lungs. I enjoy the commentary on the music industry a lot, plus it reminds me of one of my OCs, Lake, so bonus points for that. It feels like the antithesis to Orville Peck's "Turn to Hate". Favorite Lyrics - "Come in here, dear boy, you're gonna go far / You're gonna fly high, you're never gonna die / You're gonna make it if you try / They're gonna love you"

Wish You Were Here - This and Brain Damage were the first PF songs I really "found" on my own. I have wept to this song too many times to count. It reminds me of my dad. Favorite Lyrics - "We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year / Running over the same old ground, what have we found? / The same old fears / Wish you were here"

ANIMALS (1977)

Dogs - This album is 100% political commentary through and through, which is one of the reasons I love it. That being said, I relate to certain aspects of this song when I'm doing really badly. It reminds me of the brutality of my childhood, of growing up in an abusive authoritarian home with my specific family dynamic (being the aggressor but also being a pawn in someone else's game). It also has some insane instrumentals. Favorite Lyric - "Gotta admit, I'm a little bit confused / Sometimes it seems to me as if I'm just being used"

Sheep - This is just a straight-up banger. I think it's just one you'll have to listen to because it's hard for me to put how I feel about this one into words. My favorite moments in the song are 2:47 and 7:23. Favorite Lyric - "Wave upon wave of demented avengers / March cheerfully out of obscurity into the dream"

THE WALL (1979)

Empty Spaces - Woo this is a doozy of an album. I have words but no thoughts at the moment. Empty Spaces is in my opinion a perfect transitional song. I love the guitarwork in this one, the menacing-ness of it. And then, of course, the transition into Young Lust, which is one of my favorite songs off of The Wall. Favorite Lyric - "What shall we use to fill the empty spaces / Where we used to talk?"

Young Lust - Probably my ultimate hype PF song. Brings out all of the testosterone in my small body to the surface. I hear this song and I NEED A DIRTY WOMAN! WHO'S GONNA SHOW THIS STRANGER AROUND! I FEEL IT IN MY SPIRITUAL DICK. It's such a mood shift but God, is it good.

One of My Turns - This is my favorite song off The Wall, hands down. I remember listening to it for the first time and I remember listening to it for the first time. This song means a lot to me on a very personal level. I used to have very fast swings into anger when I was younger, so that along with the constant push-pull dynamic I have had with people at certain points in my life... this song sometimes sounds like my brain. The clueless dialogue in the beginning, the TV droning, this song is like swinging from dissociation into a rage, which are two states I am very, very familiar with. One of My Turns leading into Don't Leave Me Now imo perfectly encapsulates what it's like to have a disorganized attachment style. Favorite Lyrics - "And night after night, we pretend it's alright / But I have grown older and you have grown colder / And nothing is very much fun anymore / And I can feel one of my turns coming on / I feel cold as a razorblade, tight as a tourniquet / dry as a funeral drum"

Comfortably Numb - Again, I remember listening to this song for the first time and I remember listening to this song for the first time. This has probably the best guitar solo I've ever heard in my life. Holy hell. I'm listening to it now and it's giving me goosebumps. That whole solo tells a story in itself. I love Hey, You's solo as well but I'm going to have to give the trophy to Comfortably Numb. Ironically, this was one of the very first PF songs I discovered on my own but I don't think I really "felt" it until maybe eight months ago. If you listen to one song off of The Wall, listen to this one. Favorite Lyrics - "When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse / Out of the corner of my eye / I turned to look, but it was gone / I cannot put my finger on it now / The child is grown, the dream is gone"

THE FINAL CUT (1983)

Your Possible Pasts - Again, this is a very political album so I don't exactly feel qualified to speak on it much (bc I am not very educated when it comes to British politics), but this song is incredible. Edit: I did go and read up a bit on this album and there are LAYERS. It expands on the lore from the Wall, love these guys, they are geniuses. Anyway. Sonically, I love this song. I think it's one of those songs where it's going to take me 100 listens to really "get" it, and I'm on my 64th. Favorite Lyric - "By the cold and religious we were taken in hand / Shown how to feel good and told to feel bad"

The Final Cut - Okay, this is another one of my OG first discoveries as far as PF goes. Again, a very personal song for me, with all of my past mental health issues as a kid/teenager. I'm happy to report that I don't relate to this song as much as I did years ago. Again, disorganized attachment themes (I am projecting but that's how I interpret it lol). I have ugly-cried to this more times than I can count over the years. Favorite Lyrics - "Through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes / I can barely define the shape of this moment in time" and "There's a kid who had a big hallucination / Making love to girls in magazines / He wonders if you're sleeping with your newfound faith / Could anybody love him, or is it just a crazy dream?"

A MOMENTARY LAPSE OF REASON (1987)

The Final Cut was the last album featuring Roger Waters, so from then on the band shifted. David Gilmour took on the mantle of Pink Floyd and made A Momentary Lapse of Reason and The Division Bell, my two favorite PF albums (DB is my all-time favorite). I like Gilmour's stuff a lot more than Waters', there's a level of hope to his songs that is completely absent in Waters'. I listen to post-Final Cut stuff a lot more than pre for this reason.

Signs of Life - A very personal song for me. Reminds my of my spiritual walk. If I say anything more I'm going to seem like a weirdo. What an awesome album opener, though.

Learning to Fly - This is my dad's favorite PF song. I don't have much to say other than what a beautiful song. Gilmour's lyricism really shines here. If you were to narrow down my soul to only the good parts, it would sound like this song. I have cried grateful (!) tears to this song. Favorite Lyrics - "A soul in tension that's learning to fly / Condition grounded but determined to try" and "A dream unthreatened by the morning light / Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night"

One Slip - This is my "Young Lust" of this album. Hype song, but also it sounds like every single bad relationship I've been in, haha. It sounds like that moment of just thinking to myself "FUCK IT!", it sounds like me when my frontal lobe disappears entirely because I can't resist lesbians with big brown eyes, apparently. If you were to connect my brain to a Bluetooth speaker when I have a crush it would be just this song playing over and over. There's always a tipping point that ends up spiraling into messiness and this song sounds like that tipping point (in a self-aware way). Favorite lyrics - "I led the way to the funeral pyre / And without a thought of consequence I gave into my decadence" and "Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love? / Or was it the hand of fate that seemed to fit just like a glove?"

Yet Another Movie - Take a good long look at the cover of this album. Look longer. Want a song that sounds exactly like the cover? LOOK NO FURTHER. I love this song. It's so weird. The fucking instrumentals have me on my knees. The backing vocals from Casablanca? It's pure Gilmour weirdness. I don't know what language this man is speaking, but message received. What a banger.

Sorrow - This is actually one that I haven't listened to enough as the others but I do really love it. More awesome guitar, more insane lyricism. On my 100th play I'll understand this song more, I'm on my 45th play. Favorite Lyrics - "He's haunted by a memory of a lost paradise / In his youth or a dream, he can't be precise / He's chained forever to a world that's departed / It's not enough, it's not enough"

THE DIVISION BELL (1994)

My favorite Pink Floyd album. Nothing soothes my soul quite like listening to this one. If you want to KNOW me, listen to the Division Bell. It's pure David Gilmour genius. I fucking love this album, I want my vinyl buried with me when I die. If I could only listen to one album for the rest of my life, it's this one, easy.

Poles Apart - This song makes me cry! Wow. Who knew? What a beautiful, gut-wrenching song. It reminds me of my parents at different parts, and it's got some awesome instrumentals (there's a carnival? clown? motif in the middle but it works, somehow). There's a story told in this song, and I've lived the story, but I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is. Favorite Lyrics - "The rain fell slow / Down on all the roofs of uncertainty / I thought of you / And the years and all the sadness fell away from me" (this lyric makes me think of my dad. Can you tell I love him?)

Wearing the Inside Out - More awesome instrumentals. I don't get why this album is so overlooked by PF fans, seriously!! Again, this is a very personal song for me - more spiritual woo-woo stuff. The lyrics are insane, like always. Favorite lyrics - "This bleeding heart's (waiting for the waves) / Not beating much (to break)"

Keep Talking - Again, disorganized attachment, this is EXACTLY how it feels for me when I spiral down into avoidant behaviors (if you're reading this and are concerned I am actively working on it!). It's also just a cool-ass song. I love the beginning, from the old voiceover and then that beat drop into the song? Mmhmm. That's what I'm talkin' about. Favorite Lyrics - "I think I should speak now (why won't you talk to me?) / I can't seem to speak now (you never talk to me!)"

Lost for Words - This is my all-time favorite PF song. It doesn't have the bells and whistles and crazy guitar solos but it touches me on a deep fucking level. It reminds me of my relationship with my mom, unfortunately. But it is a beautiful song full of cool lyrics and imagery, it's been my favorite on the DB since I first heard the album and has developed into my favorite PF song over the years. Every year the lyrics become more relatable to me, hah. I think about it a lot from the perspective of someone who used to just constantly be angry, but now is just too tired to be.

Favorite Lyrics - "Can you see your days blighted by darkness? / Is it true you beat your fists on the floor? / Stuck in a world of isolation / While the ivy grows over the door / So I open my door to my enemies / And I ask could we wipe the slate clean / But they tell me to please go and fuck myself / You know you just can't win"

Honorable mention - High Hopes for that fucking incredible solo.

MY TOP FIVE PICKS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER (except 1.)

LOST FOR WORDS

Learning to Fly

Comfortably Numb

One of my Turns

Time

If you read all of this....what the fuck are you doing? Why? (thank you, now you know too much about me but you hopefully have found some good ass songs from this post)

[frutiylaris]

Signalis. How and why?

I apologize for intruding on the signalis tag with my autistic love for this little game. It will most likely happen again. Signalis is just beautiful. I find it hard to enjoy most games that are released nowadays, be they indie, double-A or triple-A. I've become bitter about games and media and I'm only in my 20s.

So when my friend introduced me to Signalis thinking that I would enjoy it, I thought it would be another run-of-the-mill indie game about depression or some such nonsense. But then I played it... The first ending I got being the promise ending. Seeing Arianne and Elster embrace and just love each other made me weep. The sheer devotion this damned robotic woman had for her lover made me pause. And when I replayed it recently for my second playthrough just to make sure I didn't miss anything. I got the memory ending and my heart sank into sadness once again. I... I don't know how to describe my feelings towards the game. On one hand, I do not appreciate the heavy-handed foreshadowing, but at the same time a part of me now understands why it was done that way. Admittedly the moment I saw the King in Yellow and references to HP Lovecraft and cosmic horror my brain tipped me off on how it would end. I had a conception and then it was shattered and in its place a potted plant. A lily, covered in marble. Its blue veins still clearly visible. I want to understand Signalis. To comprehend that which I cannot, its an innate human urge to find some meaning, some purpose! But Signalis doesn't do that. Perhaps I became like Adler, once I understood what I was trapped within I so desperately wanted it to stop. To get out. To save the one I admired but in the end, I was twisted and left to a fate worse than death. I lost my purpose. And when Elster came by once more the events repeated themselves, no matter how much you try to reason and make arguments to one who is deeply in love. They will ignore it all. For it's not logic or thought that drives them, but love. That endless yearning for the one you know is gone, but yet you still chase after them. Even if you remember your promise. Forget it or whatever else. The cycle repeats itself. The world deteriorates more and more with each passing cycle until the rotted corpses arise from their graves and begin to roam the earth, unable to rest, to think, to feel. All being puppetted by something greater. I admittedly have not played the game a 3rd time since I wanted to get the artefact ending, but I just can't manifest the strength to do so right now. So I looked it up and... and it... I cried once more. I know what happens each and every time and that no matter what, it all ends the same. In tragedy. My second playthrough gave me a feeling of lucidity. Everything for but a brief moment connected together and I witnessed what lay before the black gate. And when I came back I couldn't tell anyone. I was paralysed with knowledge. Knowledge that I was never supposed to have. I traded in a part of myself unknowingly to even begin to comprehend what I had seen. And now that I am seated once more in reality, I fear speaking about it. About Signalis. Its beautiful. Its story is absolutely wonderful. Its gameplay whilst not groundbreaking is good, and the puzzles are a decent challenge. The music gave me a sense of primal fear and each moment I spent on Sierpenski and rotfront was unforgettable. I want this game to reach more people but at the same time, I fear it becoming popular. It feels so special, so unique that I want to hoard it away to myself. But that is selfish of me to do. I remembered my promise. I forgot my promise. I offered up something to the red eye and in return, it gave me one final dance to enjoy. The game about two space lesbians doomed to fail their mission made me feel genuine emotion. More than any other game has and I will forever cherish it. This forbidden tome of a love story. I have journeyed far into Silent hill and confronted my trauma. I have watched raccoon city burn and Umbrella fall. I witnessed Isaac clarke meet his final moments. I have gone to the depths of the Zone and seen the Wish granter. Signalis deserves a spot with all the greats. My only issue is its love of making a fair few too many homages. Thank you, if you read through all this babble.

From the Zone I came, to the Zone I return.