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aardelea · 4 months ago

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How He Handles Jealousy

Thank you so much for the request for this headcanon! It turned out to be longer than I initially anticipated, but I hope you find it enjoyable to read. Happy reading!

Being fresh in a relationship often means confronting one's own insecurities. One of these is the question of whether one can fully trust their partner and how to deal with it when the partner themselves is plagued by the question of whether they are truly enough. So what about the ghouls: How do they handle this in both directions? In this scenario, we assume that you are in a relationship and that you, of course, never pursue any ill intentions when creating a situation that makes your loved one jealous, and vice versa. We are always talking about a healthy level of jealousy.

Jin

Jin does not strike you as a man who becomes jealous easily. He has rank, status, outrageously good looks, and charisma. Who would dare to even consider getting too close to his beloved? And what could lead him to think that you might have an interest in someone other than him? Exactly: nothing.

Nevertheless, even the king of Frostheim occasionally experiences a strange feeling in his chest when he sees you showing a little too much interest in another person. There's nothing wrong with playing it safe, right? He will be quite open about his jealousy, though he wouldn't label it as such. Instead, he will explicitly ask you what you have going on with the other person. Depending on your answer, he will either allow you to continue interacting with them undisturbed or he will ask you to keep your distance. If you disagree, he will accept it but will become noticeably clingy and unusually touchy in the presence of that person in the future.

Conversely, Jin cannot imagine that you could ever be jealous of anyone. Aside from the fact that you are his everything, which he always shows you in his own way, he considers you superior to all other people. How could you possibly think that anyone could measure up to you? Since he can't stand most other people anyway, he would never deliberately get too close to someone else.

He won't notice your jealousy unless you communicate it clearly. Initially, he will stare at you in disbelief and will need to process what you just said. Once he has absorbed the information, he will suddenly start laughing heartily. He'll begin to grin devilishly, cup your chin, and gently pull you a bit closer to his face. "Come to my room after the event tonight. I'll show you enough good reasons why you don't need to worry."

Tohma

Tohma is a true gentleman with far too good manners for you to ever suspect that he feels jealousy. However, in the early stages of your relationship, this feeling is anything but foreign to him, as your time together is limited, and he is careful to keep your relationship a secret for as long as possible. Who wouldn't feel negative emotions when they see the person they desire getting close to other people, even if it's just a fleeting touch of their hand?

Without the chains he has bound himself with by moving to Frostheim, he would certainly be the type to charmingly but firmly put any rivals in their place. Depending on how far the rival has gone with you, it could even be imaginable that he would elegantly beat him to a pulp in an alley. Otherwise, a public display of your connection through physical contact would suffice to remind the audacious guy who he’s messing with. However, in Frostheim, Tohma is forced to use different means. If your new clingy acquaintance suddenly starts keeping their distance from you, it will likely be because they received an anonymous and highly convincing threatening letter. Everyone has skeletons in their closets, and Tohma knows exactly how to find and leverage them.

Although he is rather distant, Tohma has a seductive way of conversing with others, so it's highly likely that one or two women may have cast an eye on him. Since you are suffering as much as he is from the secrecy of your relationship, you will, sooner or later, inevitably find yourself ensnared in the burning arms of jealousy.

Even if Tohma can empathize with your feelings because he knows them as well as you do, he will want to maintain the façade at all costs and will earnestly ask you to be patient and hold back just a little longer. Sooner or later, everything will fall into place, and you can be together whenever you want. But whatever happens, don't act too rashly, as Tohma's goals for his service to the Frost King will always take precedence. By letting you into his life, he is undoubtedly risking a lot, so cut him some slack if he can't change his public behavior for now. The silver lining is that you'll receive more messages asking you to bring him "special documents" to the vault room. Reviewing those together will always take a bit more time.

Luca

Luca sees you as an honorable person and won't easily entertain the thought that anyone could take you from him, unless it’s death itself. Some situations may seem strange to him in the early days of your relationship when he sees you getting close to other men, with whom you're building a tighter (albeit genuinely platonic) relationship. Even Luca is not immune to feeling a bit uneasy.

Assuming that everything must be as it should, he will swallow that uncomfortable feeling for a long time and won’t let on. Unfortunately, he will do this until it boils over, and his feelings overwhelm him. In the next situation he observes – even if it’s just lunch at Sho's food truck – he will come directly to you and confront you both. Since by that point you likely won't have known anything about Luca's emotional state (how could you?), you'll be utterly incredulous and shocked as you watch Luca throw all his pride overboard, take your hands in his, look deep into your eyes, and seriously ask whether you still love him and want to stay with him, or if you've decided to be happier with another man. The shame reflected on his face when you tell him he couldn't be more wrong will remain a topic of conversation on campus for a long time. He won't stop apologizing to both you and your friend, promising that such behavior won't happen again. It might be best to take the poor man along to your meetings so he feels better.

Luca is an old-fashioned gentleman, inherently friendly and courteous to everyone. Unfortunately, he can quickly lose sight of his surroundings when he believes he is doing the right thing, leading to situations that may push others too far and evoke jealousy without him ever intending to.

If you react to your jealousy with a corresponding mood, Luca will quickly notice and address it. However, he won't pick up on any subtle hints you might drop that aren't blatantly obvious, as he won’t be aware of any inappropriate behavior. Once he knows how you feel, he won't stop apologizing and will be overwhelmed with guilt, culminating in showering you with attention and gifts. He promises you that he won't make such a mistake again, and he means it.

Kaito

Unfortunately, Kaito suffers from extremely low self-esteem, which also reflects the intensity of his feelings. Any tiny bit of attention you give to another man will immediately be interpreted as a sign of disinterest in him. At first, he will try to calm himself down. "Come on, Kaito, that's perfectly normal! Everyone has friends of the opposite sex! It doesn't mean anything." Despite all his efforts, his insecurity will eventually overwhelm him, and he will try to speak to you privately during a quiet moment, trying to subtly inquire about the person he is feeling envious of. "What exactly do you two discuss all the time?" "Where do you know him from?" "Does he have a girlfriend?"

Depending on the nature of your response, it will either calm him down for a while or bring him to tears. However, he would never bring it up in public. His crying will, at worst, only be noticed by his neighbors (who probably aren't surprised). Have some compassion for the poor man. He is so happy with you and still can't fathom that an angel like you chose him as her boyfriend of all people. Him, who feels like he has nothing to offer. Thus, the fear of losing you becomes even more pronounced because you might realize that he is really worthless. This, of course, is not true, and you've likely told him enough times. However, words alone won’t help him in this case. Involve him in your outings with friends and communicate or show publicly that Kaito is your boyfriend. Besides making him the happiest person on the planet, it will help calm him down.

If you, on the other hand, become jealous of someone Kaito is interacting with, you can assume that he won't pick up on it at first. After all, he wouldn’t know what there is to be jealous about. Sure, Kaito didn’t pass up any chance to flirt with other women on campus before your relationship, but that was, as stated, before you got together. Meanwhile, he would never risk making you feel unloved. If you initially don’t communicate your jealousy directly and react with a worse mood instead, the last thing he will suspect is jealousy.

So if you can’t shake off those feelings, communicate them. He may respond with confusion and even shock, but secretly he will be flattered. This will be an opportunity for you to boost his self-esteem, which can only benefit Kaito. He will cease any activities that lead to your jealousy and will make it clear in public (as long as you both agree on how to appear in public) that it is only you by his side.

Alan

It’s relatively hard to imagine Alan becoming quickly jealous in the classic sense. Since he’s already unsure in the early stages of the relationship whether it was the right decision to enter it on his part, he wouldn’t really hold it against you if you got closer to other people. Not that you yourself would ever have such thoughts, but Alan might interpret even the slightest closeness to someone else as you reconsidering your relationship with him.

Just because he won’t actively bring it up doesn’t mean he won’t feel uncomfortable when he sees you (in his view) getting too familiar with another person. When his chest tightens, and he feels the urge to step in, hold you in his arms, and never let go to ensure that you belong to him alone, he would never act on that feeling.

On the other hand, he would never assume that you might be jealous of another woman he interacts with. Let alone that he would ever give another woman enough attention for you to even consider it. So, if you want to clear things up, you��ll need to bring it up directly with him.

Knowing that you're jealous would simply break his heart, and he would wonder where he went wrong. Did he give you the impression that you’ve become unimportant to him? Did he not give you enough attention? Did he actually get too close to someone else? He would apologize a thousand times and reassure you that you are his everything and that there’s really nothing to worry about. He would avoid the other person as much as possible from then on, or at least behave much more distantly. He would never want to give the wrong impression or hurt you in any way.

Sho

Sho is a very easy-going and uncomplicated guy when it comes to relationships. He gives you all the freedom in the world and fully trusts that you’d never let anyone cross the line. The only thing that could trigger jealousy in Sho is his highly developed protective instinct. Thanks to his friendship with Leo and their excessive clubbing, he knows the dark sides of human nature all too well, and he wants to shield you from them at all costs.

So, if he notices another guy leaving his hand on your shoulder for just a millisecond too long, the good man’s protective instinct kicks in, and he feels the need to set that guy straight by joining in and adding some physical contact with you. He will throw the rival a few unmistakable looks. Once the boundaries are established and Sho has made it clear with his body language what happens if the guy gets too close to his beloved girlfriend, Sho will disappear just as quickly as he came. Have fun with the rest of your evening!

In the case that you are jealous when Sho interacts with certain people, he’ll notice it from your body language right away, unless you outright tell him. Sho is, after all, an extremely attentive and surprisingly empathetic man who doesn’t miss a single one of your glances. Even though he would expect the same trust from you that he gives you, he doesn’t react with disappointment or rejection, but with loving teasing. “What, seriously, you’re jealous of her?” He simply finds your jealousy too cute to be genuinely angry.

Sho also belongs to the type of guy who would take you along to meetings with the respective person to make things more obvious and help ease your insecurities. From now on, he’ll also be a little more careful to ensure that his actions toward others don’t provoke any negative feelings in you.

Leo

Leo would never admit that he’s jealous of someone who (in his eyes) is getting too close to you. Absolutely not. If he feels anything, it’s anger because you’re risking being seen together, and his followers might think there’s trouble between you and the influencer. Yeah, that’s definitely the only thing that comes to his mind when he sees you with a supposed rival. It’s the same when he sees overly nice comments from men about you under his videos and promptly deletes them. Don’t let it go to your head or get any silly ideas.

So, don’t think too much of it when he grumbles at you to be careful how you interact with other guys because it could give off the wrong impression. Don’t read too much into it either if he starts marking his territory when you don’t listen and still let that boring guy (allegedly) get too close. For Leo, the smallest form of physical contact is enough to trigger his jealous attentive radar. He’ll then quickly start pushing himself between you two, showering you with physical (and surely inappropriate for the situation) attention. Additionally, in his usual cruel style, he’ll subtly insult and try to humiliate his supposed rival. If you’re in a relationship with Leo, you’ll have to love him very much to deal with his behavior.

In Leo’s eyes, it’s obviously nooooo problem at all if other girls get too close to him. After all, he’s a popular influencer and can’t neglect his fans. Why would you even think he’d start anything with one of those airheads? If you do somehow let your jealousy show, you can expect to be met with plenty of scorn and mockery on his part.

Leo won’t be able to stop laughing and will call you “stupid” in the most creative ways more than once. Of course, he’ll never show outwardly how cute he actually finds your jealousy. And he certainly won’t change his behavior toward his fans. Bad for business.

However, he’ll now start including you in his videos much more frequently to make you feel better. It’s definitely not because he enjoys showing off his cute girlfriend to everyone and bragging about you. Now, he just has a really good excuse to hide his true intentions behind.

Haru

Haru is usually too busy to worry about something like jealousy. Just like you, he also has his tasks and his daily life, which you can arrange however you like, with whomever you like. Things only get critical if you start spending time with someone else (for whatever reason) that’s meant for the both of you. The first couple of times, he would take it as normal, but by the third rejection, his attention would be caught. Do you have someone else?

Haru isn’t really the type to want to take away anyone’s freedom. And certainly not yours. But sooner or later, he won’t be able to bear that uncomfortable, gnawing feeling in his chest anymore and will ask you, more or less casually, what’s going on. Are you lacking something? Did he do something wrong? If you ask him more specifically why he’s asking, he’ll calmly explain that he finds it strange that you have less time for him and that he’s worried you’re dissatisfied with him. Since you certainly aren’t (and if you are, please bring it up directly – communication is everything in a relationship!), you’ll reassure him that there’s a very good reason for your absence and he doesn’t need to worry. He’ll accept any explanation you give with relief because he fully trusts you.

In the reverse situation, Haru will quickly sense your discomfort if you somehow develop jealousy. He may not invest as much time in a relationship as others, but the time he does take for the both of you is used to its fullest. As a result, he gets to know you very well, very quickly, and senses right away when something is wrong. He’ll immediately ask you about it and want to know exactly what’s bothering you.

If it’s his light flirting with female guests at the Safari Park, he’ll do his best to cut it out, even though it’s completely meaningless to him. However, he won’t always succeed entirely because it’s just part of his nature, so please don’t hold it against him too much. Whatever else has triggered your jealousy, he’ll try to stop doing it from now on, as long as it’s within his control (some circumstances just don’t allow certain behaviors to change). At the same time, he’ll encourage you to have a bit more self-confidence and stop doubting his feelings for you because they’re more than genuine. To be sure, though, he’ll conspicuously and practically tell everyone just how fantastic his girlfriend is. Absolutely everyone. In every situation. Ren will get tired of hearing it. Towa, on the other hand, will love it. Eventually, everyone on campus will know that you are the great love of the ranger. You’ll also soon read this fact on the new brochures for the Safari Park. Still have doubts?

Towa

Once you enter a relationship with Towa, you are completely devoted to him. You are his dandelion, and he is your Prince Charming. Your love is pure and true, making it unthinkable for anyone to come between you. While Towa wouldn’t dream of restricting your time with friends, he won’t tolerate anyone who seems to have more than friendship on their mind.

Towa feels his emotions intensely and is quickly overwhelmed by jealousy once it arises. You'll notice his mood shift instantly—where sunshine was, storm clouds now linger when you and a friend are too close. He’ll wait for you to approach him, but if you bring it up, his anger will flare. Why would you let anyone come so close? Explanations won’t suffice here, and actions must follow to calm him. A little more physical distance between you and your friend will be necessary from now on. Towa dreams of a fairytale romance with his soulmate, and that includes avoiding any outward appearances that could be misunderstood.

On the flip side, it’s rare for Towa to get close to someone else, as he tends to keep people at a distance. Besides, it’s almost unthinkable for him to give much attention to anyone other than his beloved dandelion. His love for you is deep and genuine.

Should the impossible happen, and you feel jealous of someone else, Towa would drop that person in a heartbeat. Everyone besides you (and maybe Haru) is practically irrelevant to him. He’ll have no problem acting in a way that reassures you. “You’re being silly, dandelion. You’re the most beautiful flower of them all!”

Ren

Poor guy. Wasn’t it painful enough for him to realize his feelings for you and act on them? Now he must also admit that you mean so much to him that even the thought of you leaving him for some brainless dullard drives him insane? Even though you likely wouldn’t give him such reason to worry, the thought is hard to avoid. Ren has healthy self-confidence, but at the beginning of your relationship, he can’t shake the fear that you might be one of those girls who’d ditch him for a macho guy at the first chance.

Ren’s jealousy is noticeable by how harshly he insults his supposed rival. “Why are you hanging out with a guy who looks like he sleeps at the gorilla enclosure?” or “Are you sure you’re actually texting with him and not an AI? No way that guy learned how to write.” These are just some of the quips you’ll hear. It won’t take much to figure out how Ren is feeling. He wouldn’t ask to join you at these meetups or accompany you if you asked. Nor would he ever demand you stop seeing this person; it’s still your life, after all. However, showering him with extra affection won’t hurt, and though it won’t make his mood improve immediately, he’ll deeply enjoy your attention. He knows he has to handle his feelings himself, and with time, he will.

You’re unlikely to feel jealous of anyone in Ren’s life, as he tends to avoid most people. If anything, you might get jealous of an online acquaintance he chats with often. Should you bring it up, he’ll likely be annoyed since he can’t comprehend how someone can feel threatened by a person who isn’t physically present.

He’s not the type to change his behavior just because you’re uncomfortable. He expects the same freedom he gives you. However, he’ll (grudgingly and indirectly) assure you that you never need to worry about him being interested in anyone else. After all, you’re his fellow inmate in the prison called Darkwick, and no one could replace you.

Romeo

Romeo is a territorial type who hates when someone tries to intrude on his kingdom. It’s not pure jealousy driving him to chase off his so-called rival but more so his outrage at someone daring to approach what belongs to him (yes, you belong to him).

However, how he reacts depends heavily on who you’re spending time with. If you’re hanging out with Kaito, Romeo won’t care much since he doesn’t see him as a threat. But if your “rival” is more elegant and even remotely comparable to Romeo’s beauty, things get dangerous. First, he’ll start appearing around you more often, publicly wrapping his arms around you and giving you tender kisses on the cheek. While you’re still trying to figure out what’s happening, he’ll brush your flushed cheek and whisper in your ear about how stunning you look today, all while shooting a triumphant glance at his rival. Not only does he publicly claim you, but he also secures a romantic interlude in his office—unless, of course, you can resist a jealous Romeo. This scenario could repeat endlessly, but it wouldn’t be wise to test Romeo’s patience. One day, your rival might mysteriously disappear. Strange how things happen…

Conversely, Romeo expects you to have enough self-confidence to not let such a petty feeling as jealousy control you (easy for him to say). There will likely be plenty of occasions to make even the most confident person sweat with anxiety. After all, Romeo is incredibly attractive and knows how to use his charm to get what he wants. Who wouldn’t be tempted?

If you can’t hold back and express your discomfort over his behavior with someone else, you’ll initially be met with disbelief and disappointment. Did he really choose a partner so insecure that she thinks the infallible Romeo would ever be in a relationship with someone replaceable? Nonsense. His words might make you feel like he’s dismissing your feelings, telling you to pull yourself together, but his actions will tell a different story. From then on, he’ll bring you along to meetings with that person, showing you subtle yet unmistakable affection for everyone to see.

Taiga

It won’t be easy to provoke jealousy in Taiga. Not because he’s incapable of such feelings or because he doesn’t care about you, but simply because he hardly takes his eyes off you. He’s quite the clingy type and takes you practically everywhere he goes. Where would be the time to connect with someone else well enough for Taiga to have any wrong ideas?

However, if you do have enough time to become close friends with another guy, such that you have some (purely platonic) physical contact (a hand on the shoulder is enough), Taiga will quickly become dangerously jealous. Who dares to touch his beloved lucky charm?! This friendship won’t last long, as Taiga will swiftly come up to you, casually drape an arm around you, and with the other, draw his weapon and shamelessly aim it at his rival. “I think it’s time for you to leave.” Even though he says this calmly with a smile on his lips, hardly anyone will miss the seriousness of the situation. He’ll tolerate your complaints about his behavior and wave them off with boredom. But he will do it again if anyone approaches you in that way. His jealousy only flares up with charismatic types; the only exception might be Romeo. With people he perceives as losers, you can remain friends as you like. Don’t look at him like that. You chose this relationship for yourself.

In the very unlikely event that you become jealous of someone in Taiga’s vicinity, an (extremely uncomfortable) solution will also quickly present itself. Taiga will notice your jealousy if you react to him in a particular mood. When you tell him the reason, he will laugh loudly and pat your head, visibly amused as he asks if he means so much to you that you become jealous so quickly.

“No reason to worry, kitty cat, look.” Without hesitation, he pulls out a weapon and aims it at the person who triggered your jealousy. You should really react quickly at this point to prevent something worse. He truly doesn’t care about anything except you, and unfortunately, he has no qualms about showing that.

Ritsu

To provoke someone like Ritsu into such a base feeling as jealousy would take quite a lot. He is an extremely pragmatic man who has his own way of handling feelings, which he keeps quite well under control. Moreover, as his chosen one, you must possess certain qualities to even be considered at his side, including loyalty.

So why should Mr. Shinjo even worry that you might fall for another man? After all, you entered into a relationship, and that comes with rules—like an invisible contract that you both signed with a kiss. If he has doubts about you, they are likely to be well-founded—like obviously more than purely platonic physical contact with another man or blatantly ignoring Ritsu in the presence of certain people. In this case, he will immediately address it and ask for clarification of the matter.

Conversely, it will also be difficult for him to develop jealousy towards someone Ritsu associates with. You know his professional nature too well. So unless you yourself tend toward strong jealousy over trivial matters, you will only be overwhelmed by your feelings in absolutely justified situations.

Ritsu is a good observer and will quickly notice if something is wrong with you. He will directly address it to inquire about the reason for your mood swing. However, he would be a bit disappointed if you didn’t bring it up yourself. He will address the problem directly and won’t waste time on the fact that he cannot comprehend your feelings, because the fact is, you have them, and he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Whatever behavior led to your jealousy: he will cease it immediately.

Haku

Haku is not someone who becomes jealous easily, which is why he grants you a lot of freedom. You would have to give someone an unusually large amount of attention to evoke that feeling in Haku. However, he isn’t the type of person to directly express his discomfort. Instead, he will endure the feeling and the sight of the two of you for quite some time until he can no longer help but take action.

Nevertheless, he won’t directly address it; instead, he will take care of the problem himself, activating his hunting instinct and increasingly joining you whenever you’re with that particular someone. In doing so, he will try to more or less subtly solidify his status as your boyfriend. A spontaneous kiss on the cheek, his arm around your waist throughout the meeting, the casual question of when he can expect you tonight… Yep, he’ll manage his emotional chaos on his own. So you can sit back and enjoy this extra attention.

If you are the one who becomes jealous (which is more than understandable considering Haku’s naturally flirtatious nature), he will quickly notice regardless of how you communicate. Not that he would want to hurt you intentionally, but he will likely find your jealousy quite adorable and will playfully tease you about it. He certainly won’t pass up the chance to annoy you. “Watch out, I’m meeting a certain lady today who is quite pretty, but she can’t even begin to compare to the princess in front of me,” or “I don’t know if you’re ready for this, but I’m seeing that one person today to whom I recently told her hairstyle looks good. But don’t worry: I won’t take her home.” He’ll ride that horse for a long time.

But rest assured, Haku only wants what’s best for you. So to take away any uncertainty, he will present you even more obviously as his beloved girlfriend in public. He won’t suggest it himself, but if you express a desire to meet those individuals who triggered your jealousy, he won’t refuse. After all, he has nothing to hide. However, you’d need to be pretty thick-skinned to endure that meeting, during which Haku will naturally be all over you the whole time to show you that you needn’t worry about anyone taking his flirting seriously, as everyone should already know he’s taken.

Subaru

The former Kabuki actor suffers from many insecurities regarding himself. This is likely connected to his somewhat impractical ability that can activate without his active involvement, showing him things that were never meant for his eyes. Despite all circumstances, he has entered into a relationship with you and, given the physical contact you’ve likely had, knows pretty much everything about you there is to know. This includes knowing your sincere feelings for him.

Because of this, there’s hardly any reason for Subaru to develop jealousy. You have your friends and handle them your way. That’s absolutely okay for him. The only exception might be strangers who have just appeared and are still difficult for Subaru to assess. In this case, especially charismatic individuals who are also very friendly toward you could provoke some jealousy in him, but he would never show it openly or address it, because, as mentioned: he knows you and trusts you completely. However, you might notice a change in his suddenly much more self-confident and assertive demeanor towards the strangers, indicating what has triggered this character change.

Conversely, Subaru will notice even the slightest change in your mood or behavior and interpret it correctly, so your jealousy won’t remain hidden for long. Being who he is, he won’t stop apologizing, sincerely assuring you that he never intended to evoke those feelings in you. The situation is visibly uncomfortable for him.

Since he takes your feelings very seriously and feels them himself through your physical contact, he will take all necessary measures to nip them in the bud. This includes, of course, assuring you thousands of times that you never have to worry. He’s far too polite to simply dismiss other people, but he will still behave a bit more distantly towards those individuals.

Zenji

Given his circumstances, Zenji was likely quite difficult to convince to enter into a relationship, so he probably gives you a lot of freedom in how you interact with others—even though he, too, can reach his limits. However, he would never expect you to completely devote yourself to him when you still have your whole life ahead of you.

When it comes to the feeling of jealousy in general, he knows it all too well, as he practically feels that biting sensation towards anyone who has the privilege of being physically close to you and feeling your warmth. However, assume that he would never communicate this feeling under any circumstances. He loves you too much and is too at peace with himself and his situation.

We can probably skip the reverse scenario, as besides a few chosen ones, no one can see him anyway. But if Zenji was already that kind of person in life, it stands to reason that someone with the right disposition could quickly become envious of his admirers, with whom he interacts very openly and invitingly, even if he never has any ulterior motives.

Zenji is the definition of a pure soul. If for any reason you were ever in a situation where you became jealous of someone who interacted with him, he would notice—whether you show it or not. Without ever bringing it up himself, he would simply cease the behavior that led to your jealousy. For you should never even entertain the idea that anyone could be more interesting to him than his dearly beloved muse.

Rui

Since Rui is someone who could easily steal a girlfriend from one or two guys, he is even more wary of guys of his caliber. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you per se, but he just knows how quickly someone can be tempted when the right buttons are pressed. To make matters worse, Rui isn’t really able to defend himself. He can’t just take you in his arms to present you as his or stand up to a guy to show dominance. Your relationship is, at best, only known through hearsay. Of course, he will feel unbearably burning jealousy when he sees someone who can touch you so easily while Rui stays in the background. And this type of jealousy is a thousand times worse than the one he literally feels toward anyone who has the privilege of touching you.

In a relationship with Rui, you should be quite careful about how you interact with other men, as Rui finds himself in an extremely vulnerable position that has been exacerbated by your relationship since he suddenly has even more to lose than before. Since he already feels guilty about being in a relationship with you when you should ideally be with someone who can offer you more than he can, he will never openly reveal his feelings to spare you what he considers an inappropriate guilty conscience. Nevertheless, his jealousy will inevitably reflect in his mood and won’t escape your trained eye. When confronted about it, Rui will admit his jealousy but assure you that you don’t need to worry about him because you haven’t done anything wrong, and it’s solely his problem. At this point, it doesn’t really matter how you react, whether you change your behavior towards the person involved or not. Unfortunately, the damage is already done for Rui.

On the other hand, Rui makes a tremendous effort not to give the impression that he’s still acting the same way as before your relationship or even before his curse. However, flirting is just too natural for him, so he can’t always suppress it, even if he doesn’t really think anything of it. He will quickly realize if he has crossed a line in your eyes and immediately backtrack. He would never hold your jealousy against you, as he’s self-aware enough to admit that it is absolutely justified, even if he would never go too far.

As far as it’s in his power, he will unobtrusively try to communicate to every woman that he is more than happily taken. So, never be too angry with him. He really is doing his best.

The elegant vampire is not so easily made jealous, especially since you certainly know what kind of dangerous man you’ve gotten yourself into. He’s also a bit too old and experienced to be overwhelmed by such feelings. However, he absolutely will not tolerate attention-seeking and obvious rivals who come a little too close to you.

Let’s be honest: Ed is a drama queen and has no sense of shame. So brace yourself for a performance worthy of an Oscar. “So you want to abandon your poor, sick lover? You would just leave me to certain death?” While speaking in a dramatic tone, he physically pushes his rival away with his back and throws himself around your neck after letting out some truly serious coughs. “Haven’t I given you all my attention and love? Haven’t I satisfied you to your utmost delight every single time? What have I done wrong?” Before you can even sink into the ground out of embarrassment, he begins passionately kissing along your neck until he eventually reaches your mouth. If you don’t push him away, he will continue this act until you both find yourselves in a rather compromising position in front of everyone present, while he gains access to your mouth with his tongue. If that’s not one of your kinks, you should definitely reject him and dramatically declare that he is your great love and has absolutely nothing to fear. He will only be satisfied once you’ve embarrassed yourselves so thoroughly in front of everyone that no one would ever think of getting too close to his prey girlfriend again. But if we’re being more honest, that’s definitely better than the scenario where your supposed rival suddenly disappears from campus and is never seen again.

Conversely, Ed loves to flirt for his life. It’s in his nature to wrap his prey around his finger so they willingly give him whatever he desires. Fortunately, his interest in other people is quite limited, so you will rarely see him interacting with anyone else besides Lyca and Rui. However, if situations do arise that provoke jealousy in you, Ed will definitely notice it immediately. And he will exploit it.

He loves you fiercely. You can be assured of this when he enters into a relationship with you. However, he remains a man who loves exaggeration. So, if he observes changes in your behavior that indicate jealousy, he will ride that feeling until he pushes your patience to the limit, leaving you with no choice but to explode and confront him. Just as in the case where you “made him jealous,” he will fairly pull the reverse show and swear his sincere love to you in the most emotional way you can imagine, immediately sending the lady (?) he was just with to hell. He will then hope that you will throw yourself around him, just the way he loves it.

Lyca

For Lyca, the concept of a relationship is quite new, and he must first learn to cope with the new emotions that have opened up to him since then and learn to assign individual feelings. This also includes jealousy. However, it is unlikely that it will quickly become a part of his portfolio, as physical contact is something natural for him and merely a sign of affection. He must first understand that this affection can indeed go deeper before he begins to worry about other guys.

Once he learns what distinguishes a relationship from a good friendship, he will indeed feel that uncomfortable tightness in his chest when he sees you with someone (like Ed) who develops in his new definition of appropriateness. Instead of observing or addressing you about it, he will impulsively take action and confront your perceived rival. “Hey, why are you so close to her? She already has a boyfriend, got it?!” Despite Lyca’s heated mood, the situation can quickly and calmly be resolved, as he will listen to your explanations and apologize if he has indeed overreacted (which is quite likely at the beginning). After all, he is still learning, and everything takes time.

In the unlikely event that Lyca interacts with girls that provoke jealousy in you, he will only acknowledge your feelings if you openly communicate them. A changed mood will otherwise simply be dismissed as “women are just unnecessarily complicated.”

“Huh, why are you thinking such silly thoughts? Look.” He will immediately wrap his arms around you and give you an unexpected kiss on the mouth. “Do you think I would want to do that with someone else?” However, Lyca takes your feelings seriously enough that he will adjust his behavior toward the individuals involved in the future. Whatever has caused your jealousy will now be stamped as “inappropriate in a relationship.”

Yuri

The great and exalted Yuri Isami would never feel such a base emotion as jealousy. Where do you think you’re going?! It’s not as if he has no experience with relationships and therefore cannot assess what behavior toward others is normal and what isn’t. No, no. He has much more important things to do than pay attention to your leisure activities. As if he would care how close that one guy gets to you, how casually he places his hand on your shoulder, or the way he looks at you. As if Yuri would even give a thought to whether he’s coming so close that the guy can smell your delicately fragrant perfume, which Yuri loves, or whether you give that guy the same charming smile you give Yuri every time you finally see each other again after a long, work-filled day. Really. Completely beneath his dignity.

So if he asks you who that dishonorable worm is that you’ve been spending so much time with lately or about whom you’ve mentioned one too many times in Yuri’s eyes, he only wants to comply with your alleged request that you should get to know each other better and participate more in each other’s lives. Even the biggest idiot on the planet wouldn’t miss the intentions behind his questions, and it’s certainly incredibly tempting to mention that he is definitely the epitome of the jealous boyfriend. But do you really want to do that to this proud man? He would deny it anyway, and dwelling on his obvious questions would probably only lead to a bad atmosphere. Just assure him that the worm is just a worm you like and that no one can compare to your knight in shining armor. But go ahead and enjoy the feeling of having completely captured this man’s heart.

If you ever feel jealous of someone Yuri is involved with, you will need to communicate it directly, as Yuri won’t quickly come to the idea that you are jealous, even if you react to him with obviously poor mood and irritation.

Even though he will feel very flattered when you confess that you are jealous, he unfortunately belongs to the type of person whose self-confidence should not be stroked too much. He will give you a lecture on how silly it is to give in to such a lowly feeling as jealousy and remind you that there is no reason for it. However, if you insist on it, he will pay more attention in the future to how he interacts with other people so that it doesn’t provoke negative feelings in you. The positive side of the story is that Yuri will then give you even more attention and become even more romantic. Because in truth, despite all his strictness, he would never want you to feel bad.

Jiro

Many of the feelings that develop in Jiro during your relationship are completely new to him. The fluttering in his chest when you’re together, the goosebumps your touch gives him, the need to feel your whole body against his skin, and also this new discomfort he feels when he sees you with another man. Generally, he doesn't mind if you spend a lot of time with other men, so it takes quite a bit of physical closeness to evoke feelings of jealousy in him.

Jiro is a pragmatic and very straightforward man. When he observes a situation where you get close enough to another person to provoke jealousy in him, he will first carefully watch both you and himself until he is sure that he can't dispel his insecurity on his own. So be prepared for questions later like, “Is there a special reason why you’re so close?”, “Am I no longer evoking romantic feelings in you, so you've reconsidered our relationship?”, “Is it normal to have multiple lovers?”

Since Jiro is quite an attractive man who works with numerous patients, it won’t be uncommon for him to interact closely with them, and some examinations may take a while. He will never think anything of it and will never come to the idea that you might think something of it either. It’s his job to take care of his patients. Nothing more, nothing less.

The only exception might be if he has experienced jealousy himself beforehand. In that case, he will have taken note of the trigger and will make sure to avoid giving you the same feeling. Therefore, he will closely observe you in this scenario, and at the slightest hint that you might be jealous, he will come to you and directly remind you that you don’t need to worry. Even if you’re not actually jealous. If he hasn't experienced jealousy yet, you will need to directly address your feelings with him and probably explain them in detail so that he can understand, which will likely result in a very awkward conversation for you. And no, he won’t really be able to understand it, as he will never see a reason for jealousy from his perspective. Nevertheless, he will then try to avoid the behavior that triggers those uncomfortable feelings in you.

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romanceyourdemons · 1 month ago

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these days film is such an established cultural fixture that virtually every artistic and political leaning interfaces with film in some way, but in the 1910s-30s film was new and niche enough that it was generally associated with a single group in each film industry, and it’s interesting to see how that plays into the skeletons in the closet of the film world.

in europe, the birthplace of the moving picture, film was an intensely innovative artistic technology, and as such it was largely associated with avant-garde artistic groups. in italy that artistic movement was futurism, which, innovation- and masculinity-obsessed as they were, infamously threw their lot in with the fascists as a movement, and italian film made the smooth transition to being almost exclusively fascist propaganda, with cabiria (1914) standing as the unfortunate but indisputable gem of early italian filmmaking. by contrast, in germany the primary avant-garde artistic movement was german expressionism, which attracted many jewish, queer, and mentally ill artists, as well as many who sympathized or were artistically interested in them. as such, early german film experienced a hard reset in the mid-30s, with the traditions of early greats like metropolis (1927) transplanting wholesale to america as a new, more italian-style tradition of greats like the triumph of the will (1935) muscled into the void.

on another hand, in america, birthplace of the movie, film arrived on the west coast not as a new technology but as an entertainment technology, and as such it interfaced smoothly with the existing entertainment infrastructure, both on the artists’ and the audience’s side. vaudeville-trained audiences looked for newer and bigger visual spectacles, which could only be provided by a corporatized film industry with lots of capital and a willingness to cater to the lowest common denominator of audience interest and belief. as a result, the hugely innovative cornerstone films of the early american film world were largely either deeply conservative and bigoted (the birth of a nation (1917)) or fundamentally rooted in vaudeville and minstrelsy (the jazz singer (1927)).

on a third hand, china received film technology fully developed from europe and america the same way europe received printing from china in the 15th century. as a result, film was intrinsically western, smacking slightly of colonialism, and the only people who had both knowledge of and interest in filmmaking were paris-educated to some degree—in a similar way and to a greater extent than running a newspaper, making film was a behavior of anti-traditionalist leftists. i have not seen a single pre-1966 chinese film that is not consciously leftist, progressivist, feminist, and anti-traditionalist, and i’ve seen the names of some of china’s most significant revolutionary thinkers and actors in the credits. and so, put bluntly, this means that most of the pillars of early chinese film were hunted like dogs by three governments in a row before being posthumously rehabilitated in the mid 1970s. by that time most of the pillars of early european film were dead, blacklisted as fascists and collaborators, or retired in america, and most of the pillars of early american film were getting bit parts in the worst slop movies you’ve ever seen in your life. interesting stuff!

#ryddles

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icarusredwings · 2 months ago

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Sheets.

Thinking about the way Logan always panics and tries to hide or profusely apologizes when he accidently rips a bedsheet.

The first time he's caught sleeping in Wade's bed is when he takes a nap in the middle of the day, catching up on rest from all those years not being able to sleep. The smell of Wade's pillow and Althea's blanket is enough comfort to streatch out and snore a bit.

Well, The moment he smells Wade and hears him open the door, He's caught with the small blanket over him while curled up, growling, claws in the bed and even kicking his foot at times.

Wade only gets a split second of it before suddenly Logan is standing upright, hackles raised and snarling until he assesses the situation. Not even a moments notice later, his face turns from a big scary man to a terrified little puppy who looks like he made a mess and was extremely guilty of it.

His eyes soften, his stance changes. His head lowers and he's carefully taking the sheet off.

"I-ill fix it! Promise! I just-"

But Wade only shakes his head, smiling as he gently puts a hand over Logan's. "Hey, it's okay. We'll fix it. No one will know." He says, taking the sheet from him and putting it into a scrap fabric pile in the closet, only to bring out a new sheet with a grin. "You really think this is the first time this poor bed has been stabbed?"

It makes him blink. Why wasn't he scolding him? Why wasn't he telling him to be more careful? Why did.. it feel so familiar?

His hair on the back of his neck and arms was rasied, panting heavily and gritting his teeth, holding his hands to his head on the edge of the bunk bed.

"Psst. What are ya doing, Howlett?"

Growling at man above him, He snaps. "None of your business!" His fangs are still tightly grit together, beginning to ashamingly cover the scratches in his sheet with the blankets.

Leaning his head over the side, Wilson was always popping down, being nosey, and to talk his ear off after nights out. "Ooh... Don't worry!" He whispers, climbing down and beginning to rummage silently through his sack.

"What are you doigng!?"

Pulling a rolled up piece of cloth, he shoved it into his chest, smiling so wide that his teeth shown in the dark. "Here!" He whispered.

"What is it?"

"It's my extra sheet. Stole it from big guy over there. Take it." He asks, so sincere and so.. stupid.. then again Wade got here because he came from general and kept getting picked up by other, higher people of service.

Logan and Vic were here because of their mutations. Wade was here just cause he was damn good at what he did... it meant he had that "brother in arms" mindset. They were brought together as a platoon, not all for themselves like this shit show of a team.

Logan grunts, sneering at him. "Are you making fun of me?!"

"What? No. So you don't get in trouble with Mr. Stinky pants over there. Gimme yours, Ill take the fall."

"...Why..?" Why would he want to get introuble for him? That was just plain stupid. But.. he shakes his head. This only proved what Victor said wrong. So wrong. That humans were always mean to them and always would be. Wade wasn't a mutant and he still (as annoying as he was) was far too kind to him then what he deserved.

"Cause? What kind of question is that? Now come on, No one will ever know." He whispers, Helping Logan strip the bed and put a new sheet on it. A sheet that got Wade cut from supper that next night.

He had found him sitting by the fire, Staring into it in a way that made his eyes dance with the reflection. ".....here."

Back then, Logan had given him his apple, roughly ruffled up his head and then disappeared before he could even try to say thank you or start yapping about how 'that niceness is hidden under all that fur' or that he was 'Just a big softy afterall'

"Logan? You okay?"

He blinks a few times, looking up at him with wet eyes. "....I'm sorry.."

"Heh, yeah, I know you've said it 6 times already. Now come on. Al's making us apple pie!"

Watching him leave, Logan stares at the freshly made bed again and decided he liked this universe better already..

Maybe he would stay. Here. With Wade, the ugly mutt, and the personification of the grinch.

He would have a little family. And as many sheets as he needed.

#blind al #origins poolverine #origins wade wilson #deadpool and wolverine #poolverine #logan howlett #wade wilson #deadpool #wolverine #deadpool 3 #deadclaws #x men origins wolverine

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atskiruma · 2 years ago

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the maid cafe at the school festival

expl: you offered to volunteer at the maid cafe being held in room 3-2 when you realized they needed more employees, you and your friend were having a great time until someone you knew walked in with their friends

a/n: i'm now going to begin taking requests for the polls that are found at the bottom of these ff's, feel free to send them in and i'll include them in this ff once i receive 3!

requests for polls

masterlist

second person writing no pronouns used

"I'm really sorry to ask you this, but could you two come to help us out? We really need the added assistance and few people are willing to do it..." The committee president said, looking feverishly ill from the amount of stress they were taking on at the school festival.

Before you could pipe up your opinion, your friend had already beat you to it and was offering to help out class 3-2 with their festival project.

You sighed, knowing this would be either embarrassing or publicly humiliating. Your friend got up and began following the committee president, which you did seconds later after you recollected your thoughts.

They took you into the classroom of 3-2, which was decorated with streamers at the front doors and tables set up like a cafe. You know what they were doing beforehand since it seemed to be the talk of the school for a short while. The people already working at cleaning the tables smiled at you and your friend, happy that at least someone had come.

"Here, you'll be wearing this for the time you're here, you can wear it over your clothes or you can wear the full outfit in the back." One of the workers said, it looked like she was holding the whole place together.

Your friend grabbed your hand and let out a quick, "Let's go," before walking into the closet area of the classroom. They began putting on the outfit they preferred, and you did the same, knowing you'd be here for a while just from how much they were beaming at the opportunity given to them.

In reality, it didn't go half as bad as you thought, you were having a lot of fun! And it seemed like the customers coming in were having fun too. The food was really good and the drinks were pretty easy to learn.

You heard the door open again and turned around to greet whoever came in, seeing as you were closest to it.

"Hey, come on in, how many will you be having to-"

Tighnari looked shocked when he saw it was you working here, and more shocked when he saw what you were wearing. You two knew each other from working well in science class as partners. The crush you had on him was a bit big, which was why you were so embarrassed for him to see you like this.

Your friend turned the corner and put a hand on your shoulder, smiling at the 3 boys who had walked in. "Hey, you guys! Come on over, I've got a table over here that's free." Leading them to the table closer to the windows in the back. You watched them walk away and tried to cool your face from the redness it got at that moment.

You weren't the one who was serving them, your friend did it for you. All you did was watch from the distance here and there to see what they were doing. What you didn't notice was Tighnari kept sending glances at you the whole time.

Cyno also seemed to notice this and nudged Aether next to him. The two boys looked as Tighnari took a sip of his drink but also glanced towards your back at the front of the room.

When your friend returned with the food, Cyno spoke, "Could you get that person to come over here real quick?" Tighnari lowered his eyebrows at his friend in an irritated matter. Your friend looked where Cyno was pointing and smiled, nodding and telling them they'd be right back.

When you finally walked up to them, Tighnari avoided your eyes while Cyno smiled brightly up at you.

"My friend here was wondering if he could get your number?" Cyno said while pointing toward the embarrassed green-haired boy. Tighnari looked up at you, silent, and you smiled while taking the napkin on their table and writing down your number.

Aether looked shocked, Cyno smirked, and Tighnari blushed even more when you handed it to him and walked off.

Both boys patted him on the back when they left, and a 20-dollar tip with your name on it was left on the table in Tighnari's handwriting.

The only reason that Xiao came in the first place was that Aether suggested the idea, Ganyu wanted to come along, and Venti practically dragged him from his spot in the tofu booth.

That was when the person to greet them was none other than you, Xiao's crush for the 3 years they'd attended high school. His face was flat and empty when he saw you, masking the absolute embarrassment in him when you saw he came to a place like this.

Venti chatted you up the whole time you served their table, and Xiao sat closest to the window and said nothing while he stared outside of it. Ganyu was a sweetheart and asked if there were any vegan meals being served in the nicest manner possible. Aether was also very nice and asked if the chefs could make something last minute for his sister before they left.

But Xiao? Quiet as a mouse, you even looked over at him every time they called you over to their table. Sometimes, they didn't even call you over to order, they just wanted to chat with you.

It worried you a little bit, you knew that he was normally quiet, but he seemed even more on edge today. It changed when you walked over again on your own will seeing as you had nobody else to serve for a bit.

"Xiao? Are you alright?" You asked with a worried expression on your face. The sound of your voice calling his name caused him to nearly shoot out of his chair. Venti, Ganyu, and Aether also looked toward their flustered friend. All the poor boy could do was nod and keep looking out the window, his face beginning to match the half-eaten caramel apple on Venti's plate.

"He's just shy, right Xiao!" Venti said while patting him on the back obnoxiously. It was like you were staring at a statue with how stiff he was in his chair. And it continued to be that way the whole time they stayed.

Feeling awful for him, when the other 3 were busy talking to another worker there, you snuck around and placed a small plate of almond tofu in front of him. His eyes immediately shot to where your arms were placed on either side of him while you reached over behind him.

"Sorry that you're feeling this way Xiao," You said while patting him on the back a bit. His face darkened in blush, but a small smile was evident while you walked away to keep doing your work.

When you returned to the empty table, unable to send them off because it got so busy, you saw the empty tofu plate and a 5-dollar bill with Xiao's number underneath it.

Heizou was more interested in staying where the puzzle-themed booths took place, but with how persistent his friends were he finally agreed and came along for the ride.

His shock was not as exaggerated as the other boys were, he was happier to see a familiar face in a place like this. Now, Heizou was definitely a little surprised to see you working here out of all the fun booths and cafes surrounding the school, but he wasn't one to judge.

It wasn't until you were the one to be serving them, did he finally put more attention onto you. It wasn't like he didn't know who you were, his crush on you lingered for a while now ever since the two of you partnered up for math this year.

It just seemed like seeing you in such an outfit made him pay even more attention to you, so much that he didn't even listen to what his friends had to say because he was so busy staring at you across the room.

You had a lot of people's attention that was for sure, practically being handed tips left and right as you walked by the tables you previously served. His jealousy boiled a bit in his stomach, but he tried to ignore that feeling and keep enjoying the time spent with his friends.

Kazuha even asked him if he was alright at one point, seeing his friend look a little irritated in a direction he couldn't quite catch. But Heizou just shook it off as he was a little weirded out being there. Which was a lie, he liked how lively it was and how kind the workers were.

Heizou finally reached his breaking point when he saw someone try and flirt with you while you served another table. He got up from his seat and excused himself from his friends with a smile. Walking over to you with an irritated look on his face and standing behind you with his arms crossed.

The person flirting with you seemed to stop talking, and you smiled in a confusing manner before turning around and seeing Heizou really close to you.

"Oh! Heizou! What's the matter?" You said with a tilt of your head at his appearance. His eyes were still glaring at the person in front of you two, but a couple seconds later he looked down at you with the softest gaze and smile.

"I'm alright, I was wondering if you could come back over to our table for a bit." His words made you smile at him, lightly patting his bulging muscular shoulders that were tense from the other person's move on you.

"You could have just waved me over! Come on, let's go." Smiling at him before turning to walk back to Kazuha and the others. He gave the person one last nasty look before he turned to you with a kind gaze and followed you.

Alhaitham was not shocked, nor surprised to see you here. He was more interested in just sitting down to chat up a conversation than anything else. Kaveh suggested they get a bite to eat, and this was the closest thing to them.

Alhaitham knew you, sure, but he wasn't in the same grade as you, being in the grade above and only really seeing you when you'd be walking around the school with your friend or attending school events like this one.

That's why he was so interested in finally getting a chance to speak to you more. Seeing as the crush he held for a while that was only flamed with short glances in the hallway and mentions of your name could finally ignite more.

And ignite it did, you were really nice to them the whole time and even helped the 2 boys navigate the slightly confusing menu that the committee leader put together. You asked if they had allergies if they preferred different seating since the sun was blaring a little bit into the room, etc.

Kaveh even noticed that his friend seemed to smile more when you came around to ask how everything was. A smirk led onto his face when he realized it was good bait to tease Alhaitham. Saying something embarrassing in order to brighten up his face and get him blushing just as you were rounding the corner to check on them again.

"How is- Oh my! Alhaitham are you okay? You don't have a cold do you?" You said before instinctively reaching down to press a hand to his forehead. The small action blew up his face in a stream of red while Kaveh nearly fell out of his chair laughing.

"I'm fine, really," Alhaitham spoke with a smaller voice than his usual confident one. Kaveh continued to laugh at his friend who almost never lost his cool while you kept asking if he needed anything to help.

"Please let me know if there's anything I can get you." Your worried tone made it even worse for him, the poor boy was shifting in his seat from how embarrassed he was.

When you finally walked away, the glare that sent Kaveh's way from Alhaitham was the icing on the cake. The blonde kept mocking his friends' small tone when replying to you. At one point, you even walked by to serve another table and placed a glass of water next to him. Which he couldn't even smile to appreciate before his eyes caught Kaveh's cheeky ones.

A note was left before they left, from Alhaitham, apologizing for the events that happened, along with two 20-dollar bills. You smiled looking down at the note and folded it to save in your pocket for later. Why had you never paid more attention to him before?

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact imagines #xiao imagines #alhaitham imagines #heizou imagines #tighnari imagines #tighnari x reader #xiao x reader #alhaitham x reader #heizou x reader #atskiruma

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gatorbites-imagines · 4 months ago

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Kinktober day 6

Rex “Splode” Sloan + Dry humping and/or Frottage

This based off of season 2 Rex, since he’s nicer, and I feel like he would have to nearly die to come out the closet. This takes place after hes been shot in the head and is in the hospital. Reminder to self that he only has one hand at this point.

I wanted to write about viltrumite reader, but that will have to be saved for another day.

kinktober 2024 masterlist

“Dude, I’m fine, go save the world or whatever they want you to do” Rex snarked, his voice raspy and almost nasally, like his nose was stuffy or his tongue was too dry. He may act so prickly and standoffish, but ever since he woke up, Rex had been almost desperately clinging to your hand, with the one hand he still had left. He may have told you to piss off, but he was still leaning against you as you sat beside him on the hospital bed.

Seeing him like this made your stomach turn. What were your powers good for, if the guy that mattered the most to you ended up like this. You had accepted a while ago that you liked Rex, even if he was a huge dick sometimes. He may treat his girlfriends like shit, and pick fights that he can’t win, but you have always known he was a hero. And putting himself in danger like he did, ending up like this? It only proved it to you.

Rex had never been cuddly like this before, even if you had imagined it many times before. The closest you ever got were bro hugs or when you would carry him in your arms when flying to a different location. This felt like more, or maybe that was just your stupid brain thinking it meant more. Anyone having gone through what he did would want human contact, it made you feel ashamed of how your entire arm tingled, just from his hand holding yours.

“They don’t need me right now” you mumble, carefully leaning your head against his, without really touching, just hovering it there. His expression was a little pinched as he pulled away to look at you, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. He was thinking that much was clear, but about what you weren’t sure, instead you couldn’t help staring at his bloodshot eye.

“What if I want you to leave so I can jerk off, huh? What if I need to get my rocks off” he huffed. There wasn’t his usual fire behind it, none of his usual sass, he seemed so much… softer right now. You glanced down at his lower body, still covered by his hospital blankets, and then his missing hand, and then the one clasping your own.

“Well… I don’t mind if you need to… ill… ill even help you, just bros helping bros right?” you peeped out, the words leaving you without you truly registering them. You could feel your own eyes widening at your words, just like Rex’s were. Had… had you really just said that? You had probably just fucked everything up, no way Rex would want you around. He had literally just been shot in the head, lost his hand, and you offer to get him off?

“Fuck, ill-ill leave” you hurry out, letting go of his hand to turn yourself, ready to climb out the bed and speed out of there so you could go drown yourself or fly into the sun. instead, Rex’s hand grabbed your wrist. He couldn’t have pulled you back if he wanted too, especially now that he was so weak from what happened. But it still made you stop, glancing back at him as you bit the inside of your cheek hard enough to taste blood.

His cheeks were flushed, and his pupils blown. At least, the one that hadn’t been blown this entire time because of the whole, bullet through the head situation. Rex was chewing at his lip again, contemplating his words carefully, before they left him, much softer and more hesitant than you had ever heard him. “What if… what if I want you, to do that. Help me, that is” he mumbled, ducking his head to not look you in the eyes.

Your gulp was loud in the quiet room, your hands shaking softly as you slowly turn around. Licking at your lips you carefully crawl up onto the bed and straddle him, just barely hovering above Rex so at to not to crush him. Rex seemed so embarrassed to look you in the eyes, and yet, he didn’t look away, instead sliding his one remaining hand down to intertwine your fingers again.

Your foreheads pressed together as you made quick work of fishing you both out. It was much easier on Rex, you just had to carefully pull his hospital gown up. For you there were a few buckles and zippers, and then the struggle of getting your boxers and the cup you wore down enough to get free.

The different kinds of pain medication and whatever else they had Rex on made it hard for him to get fully hard, but his shaky breathing and soft gasps were all you needed to know he enjoyed it just as much as you did. Even half hard it still felt better than anything Rex had ever done before, any girl he had ever done before.

Rex hadn’t noticed how he had clenched his eyes shut, lips pursed in concentration before you brushed yours against his, just the barest of whispers. Your hand was slick wrapped around you both, just slicking you both up with shared pre before you placed it on the bed to support your weight, making it possible to rock your hips together.

He felt his heart flutter like he never had before, maybe it was the brain damage, but this felt heavenly. Where past experiences had felt good, yes, this? This felt right, especially because it was you. You almost passed out when Rex kissed you back, fully pressing his lips against yours. The kiss was soft and hesitant, as if Rex wasn’t used to kissing anybody, but it was so perfect.

Your hips rocked together, hard lengths rubbing together and making the front of Rex’s hospital down slick with your shared fluids. Kisses kept passing between you, but it never became more than soft wet kisses, tongues carefully exploring the others mouth, like exploring never before seen territory.

Rex was the first to cum, his hips shakily jolting up against your own. His eyes fluttered and his grows furrowed, a shudder running through his tired still aching body, but the pleasure washed it away, if only for a moment.

Seeing him finish like that, because of you and only you, was all you needed to tumble over the edge too, your own fluids joining his own, creating even more of a kiss. Your mouths were pressed together, but it more like you were just panting into the others mouth, trying to gather yourself again.

When Rex let go of your hand, you almost feared you regret it. That was until he hooked it around you, his handless arm joining the first and pulling you down beside him, the explosion hero at least smart enough not to pull you on top of him. “That… that was good. I wouldn’t mind, if you… want to do that again” he finally panted out, voice raspier and shy, his face red as Rex glanced off to the side in fear of rejection.

A soft chuckle left you, leaning in to press a soft kiss against his neck before settling down beside him, your own arms coiling around you. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” You whisper out, heart growing hotter as that smile you loved bloomed on his face. You loved Rex at all times, but seeing him being vulnerable, the times where he felt like he didn’t need to hide behind a cocky exterior, was the most beautiful of all.

#rex sloan #rex splode #invincible #male reader #rex sloan imagine #rex sloan headcanon #rex sloan x male reader #rex sloan x reader #rex splode imagine #rex splode headcanon #rex splode x male reader #rex splode x reader #invincible imagine #invincible headcanon #invincible x male reader #invincible x reader #invincible comic #rex-splode

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lnfours · 1 year ago

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* ✰. — the valentine’s day date | l.n

summary: if i was a bluebird, i would fly to you or part two to ‘the mini valentine’s day playlist’

warnings: language, fluff, fluff and more fluff. first i love yous!! i need this so bad.

masterlist | prev part | next part | listen to the soundtrack

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

you were on the phone with p when lando knocked on your apartment door. you rushed to get it, heels clicking against the hardwood flooring. you opened the door and spotted him with a bouquet of roses in his hand. you smiled brightly up at him, letting him inside your apartment before speaking to p.

“p, hey, i gotta go, but ill text you okay?” lando could hear the girl talking on the other end as he closed the door behind him, “tell max i said hi. okay, love you, bye,”

you pressed the red button on your screen, “sorry, i swear i’m almost ready.”

he shook his head, “take your time, i’m a bit early.”

you leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips, smiling as you accepted his flowers, “thank you for the roses.”

he smiled against your lips, right back at you, “you’re welcome, baby.”

baby. yeah you weren’t sure if you were ever going to get used to that one.

you rushed to put them in a vase with some water, “i just need to find my lip lipstick and then we can go.”

he stood with his hands on your waist, pressing you against the counter of the island, “sounds good,”

you smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck, fully caving into him, “i mean we have a little bit, right?”

he laughed, nose brushing against your cheek, “we do,”

“okay, good.”

he laughed softly, letting you pull him down to your level and press your lips against his. he kissed you just as passionately, your hands running through his curls as you let him slip his tongue into your mouth. you whimpered softly as he bit gently onto your bottom lip, leaving you wanting more as he pulled away slowly.

you took a minute to catch your breath, nose bumping against his again as one of his hands came up and tucked a piece of hair from your face. you swore you could stay like this forever. in fact, right now, this was all you wanted to do. kiss your boyfriend until your lips were numb and cuddle up next him with a good movie.

sure a fancy dinner downtown sounded lovely, but these were the moments you cherished most. and it was like lando could read your mind as he squeezed your hip gently.

“you wanna skip out on dinner and get some takeout? rent a movie or something?”

thank god he was on the same page as you.

“i’d love that more than anything,” you smiled, his smile beaming right back at you, “i just washed those sweatpants and the hoodie you let me borrow last week. want me to grab them for you?”

he nodded, letting you take his hand as he followed you down the hall to your bedroom. he sat on the bed as you rummaged through your closet. he took in the way everything in your apartment had a place, how you had little reminders of him speckled throughout the apartment after all this time. a photo strip from your first date hanging on the cork board above your desk, a framed picture of you and him with max and pietra from the wedding sitting on the dresser.

it made his heart clench, how open your arms were for him after a short amount of time.

he was falling in love. and you were too.

you reappeared, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts. you handed him the sweatpants and hoodie. he placed a hand on the back of your leg as you stood between his legs, looking down at him with the prettiest smile he’d ever seen.

“where’d you wanna order from?”

your nails scratched at his scalp, your fingers running through his curls. he was in total bliss as you twisted them around your fingers, you laughing softly at the way his eyes closed and he hummed contently before mumbling a soft, “your pick.”

you placed your hand under his chin, leaning down and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. you giggled into his mouth as he pulled you on top of him, now straddling his lap as you kissed him with as much love you could shove into the kiss as possible.

“i love you,” he breathed when you separated. you felt your stomach do flips when his eyes met yours. gorgeous green eyes meeting yours as you smiled at him.

you had fallen in love with him, too. who couldn’t, really? he was everything you ever wanted, wrapped up with a nice little bow on top. it was impossible not to fall in love with him.

“i love you, too.” you finally spoke, now noticing the way your vision slightly blurred. you weren’t sure when you started crying, but he smiled gently at you as he took your face into his hands. he kissed you sweetly, eventually the kiss breaking when your smiles got too wide.

“wanna order the food?” he gently brushed his thumbs against your skin when you pulled away.

you nodded, “eventually,” you hummed, burying your face into his neck, his hands holding you as close as he could get you, “can we stay like this for a little while?”

he hummed, pressing a kiss to your temple, “we can do whatever you want, baby,”

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strangelysamantha · 3 months ago

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support ❀

carrington x reader.

summary: helping carrington through a rough patch after a huge wave of haters has overwhelmed him and made him unmotivated.

a/n: currently working on a smutty req for carrington but i figured since i had this done id post it now, and ill post the other one tmw. like and reblog if you enjoy! this is my first carrington story but i think he’s so pretty and very funny. asks are open so send in more requests!!!

-—————————————————————-

“where the hell is carrington?” jake is storming around the house with his hands on his hips. he stops outside of carringtons door. he taps his foot before rudely banging on his door. you laugh at the theatrics. johnnie, in the midst of all this chaos, is also frantically looking for his blindfold since his video idea involves one. “do you know where carrington is?” johnnie laughs, “i have not seen him for an hour.” jake rolls his eyes, “we need to get more content out. carrington has five minutes before i decide to film without him.” jake apologizes to you before he storms away from his door, you watch in awe as the two of them start scrambling for all their props.

you hesitate, but give carringtons door three light knocks. you hover closer to the door, desperate to see if he lets you in. “JAKE GO AWAY!” you look around, “it’s not jake…” you bite your lip, swaying awkwardly in front of the door. “oh shit, i’m sorry. come in.” he unlocks his door, twisting it open.

“hey are you feeling okay, car?” his usual smile is an a downward expression, he has tear marks on his face. the sight of him made you feel distraught, determined to get to the bottom of his pain. “what’s wrong? you can talk to me. i promise.” he shrugs, “this is just a lot. having more fans, getting all this hate. it takes a toll on someone.” you frown, giving him a reassuring rub on his back. “and now jake is stressing me out. he keeps putting timelines on the videos we have to film.” you nod understandingly. “it’ll be okay? alright? if you aren’t feeling up to the video i’m sure jake will understand. at the end of the day, he’d rather you be okay; then push yourself too far, yknow?” you words comforted him, but he still felt wrong.

“i owe it to the fans though, i can’t let them down.” you sigh, placing your hand on his knee. “if they’re really your fans they can go a couple days without content. they should be okay with you taking a break, to rest.” in carringtons head he was swimming with doubts. he wanted to believe the fans would be supportive, but he also didn’t want to disappoint anyone. he stood up, mumbling a small thank you. he pulled you into a tight hug, your arms around his neck, his arms around your waist.

“i’ll be there the whole time when filming okay? if you need a break tell me. i’m good at interrupting and delaying the process.” he grins, recalling the numerous times you had interrupted the scene to point out costumers in the back ruining the bit, or the camera being too blurry. you only did it if you felt like it would ruin the video; you tried to avoid interrupting the flow. however, carringtons comfort is more important to you then being perceived as annoying by jake and johnnie. “okay, i’ll try.”

“that’s good! i’m proud of you.” he hugged you once more, leaning down, he placed a kiss on your lips. “you’re so sweet to me.” you shake your head, “car, you deserve so much love.” he smiles softly at you. “now, get ready!! we have a video to film.” he rushes to his closet to change his clothes. you leave the room, giving him time to finish getting ready.

you ran into johnnie, who now had full arms of random props, “what are you going to do with half of this stuff?” you question. he shrugs, “make a good video.” you smile at him. “that’s the goal.” jake comes around the corner with some stuff from his room, intended for the video. “carrington are you filming with us?” jake asked. the door to his room opened, carrington came out with a huge grin on his face, his humor back in tact. “hell yeah i am.” you clap, glad you were able to motivate him. johnnie is happy too, “finally! let’s do it!” jake leads the group to the camera set up, the three of them sit on chairs facing the camera. your eyes linger on carrington the whole time, ensuring he felt safe and comfortable during the filming process.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

#carrington x reader #carrington one shot #carrington fluff #carrington x you #carrington x y/n #carrington fanfic #carrington youtube story #carrington x fluff

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betterthana-six · 6 months ago

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| MUSIC TO MY EARS - [ABBY ANDERSON] - CHAPTER THREE |

PAIRINGS: stoic!rugby player abby x musician fem!reader

SUMMARY: you and your new(ish) college roommate, Abby Anderson, have gotten into an argument. about what? unclear at the moment. but it's got Abby in a fit of shame. until late one night she hears you outside with someone whose voice she doesn't recognize and listens in.

WARNINGS: heyooo we are so fucking back! AND LOOKIE AT THAT TAG LIST AHHH THANK YOU FOR THE AMAZING RECEPTION SO FAR!!!! LOVE YOU ALL. im having so much fun writing this and watching this story spiral into absolute chaos. im honestly just trying to see how big i can make this story. much more pining this chapter but ooh girl we are getting sexier as we go, trust the process. mdni DUH. ive been wanting to write a pool scene. abby sure be falling in love. let me know if you guys are liking the structure so far, its pretty predictable. abby is snarkier and snarkier, but im always nervous to stay true to her character. let me know what yall like, and even mid story I am open to suggestions or if youre like that or this part wasnt fully fleshed out, why not let me know? im down. k have fun. bye. ALSO: i have a playlist brewing for this story. comment if you want it and ill post.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Music To My Ears: Chapter 3

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

There are tears drying on your chin when Abby abruptly stands up, pulling you up with her, towel still wrapped over your arms.

She starts pulling clothes out of the depths of her closet and throwing them onto your bed.

“What are you doing?” You sniffle.

“Put these on.”

“Your clothes won’t fit me. You have something called muscle mass.”

Abby let out a small snicker. “They’re from when I was, like, sixteen. They’ll fit,” she said.

“I have my own clothes, you know,” You gesture to your side of the room. “They’re actually about five feet away from me.”

“You’ll understand when we get there why I’m giving you my old clothes.”

“Are we hiking?”

“You hush.”

“Oh my god, is it paintball?”

“Yeah,” she says. “It’s paintball. The 24-hour paintball park is awaiting our arrival as we speak. How’d you guess?”

You smirk bashfully. “I’ll only put them on if you tell me what we’re doing.”

She plants herself a foot in front of you and tilts her head down. “You’re no fun.” She shoves one of her rugby sweatshirts into your stomach. “Let’s have fun. Actual fun. Come on, it’s the weekend for fuck’s sake. I just… I know a place.”

You lower the towel like a shawl around your elbows and walk over to your bed, as Abby’s eyes follow you. Seeing her, you jut your jaw out at her, waving your index finger in a circle. Abby's response was a bit delayed, she catches her eyes getting lost on your silhouette again, and struts slowly around to face her side.

You sigh and put the clothes on. The feeling of warmth from the dry clothes covers your body with a chill and you’re nearly sedated with comfort. While Abby is still turned away, you bring the sleeve of her hoodie up to your nose and smell it as quietly as you could.

“I’m ready,” you say.

Abby opens the door out to the hallway. Nobody’s out there. It’s nearly 1 am.

You still look both ways nervously, and Abby notes it, but neither of you say anything. She guides you down the hallway, the sound of her keys jangling against her thigh, hanging from the carabiner locked around her belt loop. She is sure to keep you close to her. Each time you sway or stumble a bit, she grabs your wrist and holds you up. Though, of course, you put a hand up every time to insist that you’re fine.

You are still drunk. It is indeed still obvious.

Abby turns a corner and halts the journey in front of a vending machine which blares with light in its dark corner. “Hold up, one second,” she says, as she inserts a dollar, some coins from her pocket, presses B7, grabs it from the bottom, takes your hand and puts the candy in it.

“Twix is my favorite,” you say.

“I know,” Abby says.

“You know?”

She hesitates and runs a shy hand over the back of her neck under her long braid. “I see wrappers in our trash sometimes.”

You pause with suspicious eyes.

Abby gives a small laugh and looks away. “Whatever. Eat.”

You bite and it is as forgiving on your stomach as any midnight candy bar can be, especially after the amount of alcohol it's following.

Now, Abby pulls your hand from three paces ahead of you. She seems restless, happily so, in a way you had rarely seen her. Maybe only once or twice in hindsight.

You are already out the doors of your building and into the cool air of early spring. It is almost completely dark but the moon lights the pale sidewalk visibly enough. Once your eyes fully adjust, you can see Abby. Her braid swings back and forth across her back.

After a ten minute walk through the main circle of campus, Abby takes one of the keys from her hip and opens the entrance of your school’s gym.

She checks your demeanor, and you meet her with a wide-eyed face that says: what the fuck?

“Just trust me,” she says and grabs your hand again, guiding you through the dark corridors and up the stairs, past the treadmills and weight machines.

As you approach the top, a blue haze lights Abby’s face and then yours. It’s very quiet up there in the announcer’s box, and it looks down onto the college’s Olympic sized swimming pool. You’d only ever seen it from the doors on the bottom level. You remember the first time. People were splashing about in the water but it didn’t ruin the illusion for you. The smell of chlorine. The warm humidity that threatened its way out onto you. You, who stood firmly in the air conditioned hall, pleasantly zoned out on the swimmers.

Even from behind, Abby seems so eager to fulfill her spontaneous promise of a good time. A small smile grows on her face every now and then. You become very aware of your hand in hers. Hers is gruff and big and warm, her thumb securing around your fingers messily. It’s possible you merely imagine the vibration in the space between your palms. Her touch reignites the bliss of your drunkenness, and, again, you feel light on your feet.

Abby pulls out a key and inserts it into the keyhole for a discreet door. It leads the two of you down two flights of stairs into a locker room with fresh towels piled up into neat stacks. She throws one at you: “Here.”

“No way,” you say. You realize you were so carried away you only now realized what she had brought you here to do.

“I didn’t bring you here for us not to swim.”

You smile big. “Oh, fuck yeah.”

“I knew it would cheer you up.” Abby laughs.

“Wait,” you think, “someone’s gonna be here. We’re gonna get kicked out.”

“No, we’re not,” she reassures, “I’m friends with the rec team. I asked for the after hours key so I can workout at night. I guess I just forgot to give them back.”

You look at her a little confused, moreso disbelieving.

“No, really, I swear. Sometimes it’s nice to de-stress at night. Let off a little steam when no one’s around,” Abby says. You smirk and lift her sweatshirt over your head, revealing the light blue tank top Abby had given you.

“Don’t I know it,” you say under your breath.

“Oh?” Abby says.

“You think I don’t notice when you don’t come back to the dorm until 5 am?” You say with a cocky tone.

Then, she, too, pulls her sweater off. She was only wearing a thin bra and boxers. You were surprised she wore anything under it at all, given her track record. You quickly note the way you don’t squirm or turn away. Perhaps it’s just a matter of familiarity - you have been roommates for three months now - or, maybe, it’s the way she’s looking at you in this moment. “You notice?”

The sudden turn of the question makes you stutter.

“I- I mean, the once or twice it's happened. Obviously.”

Instead of laughing at you this time, Abby just stands and looks at you thoughtfully. Intensely.

“Whatever. Yeah, that was…” she finally says, shaking her head, with a twinge of something shadowing her tone and preventing her from finishing her sentence.

The both of you have changed completely into her clothes, the clothes she didn’t think twice about letting you ruin with chlorine. You save her from whatever she didn’t want to say. “You could’ve at least told me to bring a swimsuit…” You say.

“Yeah, well, it would’ve spoiled the surprise,” Abby says.

At the door leading to the pool, Abby turns back suddenly, stopping before speaking.

“Okay, listen. This is a sacred rite. No one besides me, and now you, has access to this place. No one knows I have the keys, and it needs to stay that way.”

You nod. “Makes sense.”

“Because this will be really fucking fun.”

“Understood.”

“And, I’m showing it to you because you’re having a shitty, no-good night.”

You hold a salute up to your forehead. “Captain, I won't let you down.”

She rolls her eyes to your delight. “Come on.”

You find her hand in yours again. You can’t help but marvel at how natural it was - not because you are surprised - just because it still sends a shiver running down your spine.

The smell of chlorine washes over you and you breathe deep, closing your eyes and feeling the damp air warming your skin. Abby’s in front of you, hooking her phone up to a wire and resting it on the ledge of the spectator window. The speakers overhead start playing music.

“Holy shit,” you say, looking at her with amazement and pointing up to the ceiling. The Rolling Stones' “She’s A Rainbow” rings out over the speakers and fills the space completely. A smile creeps onto your face, and once it’s there, it’s stuck.

“How’d I do?” She asks.

You don’t answer but smile at your feet. You walk past her towards the edge of the concrete, sparing a devilish smirk her way right when your shoulders nearly graze each other. Only the pool lights are on, making the whole place shine with the blue dancing patterns of the water ripples. It reflects onto your face, and, when you look back at Abby, she is staring at you.

“You coming?” You ask.

And Abby eyes dart away in shock, feeling scandalized and taking what you said entirely out of context. She can’t help it; a semblance of those words have been echoing in her head for the last three months, more or less. Jolting her awake from her dreams. Both sleeping and conscious.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

The first dream happened about three weeks into living together.

Since that conversation in your room on your first night, neither of you tried to initiate conversation deeper than small talk. The explosive end to that night left you reluctant to speak to her at all and left Abby anxious to say the wrong thing.

It was the beginning of the semester, anyway. Abby had a routine to establish and you were busy finding the right buildings around campus, keeping your head down, and practicing guitar.

You hadn’t been able to anticipate her comings and goings. Mostly Abby left for her day without saying a word and came back in the same manner. When she returned in the evenings, you quickly traded the guitar on your lap for earphones while Abby read silently only feet away.

"You can keep playing, I don't mind" is the only thing Abby would sometimes say. "No, it's okay. I should probably just use the practice rooms anyway," was your usual response, if you said anything at all.

The first dream happened when Abby took an impromptu nap in the early afternoon while you were out.

Her dreams involved many strange things she could never comprehend and typically forgot soon after she woke. Yet, toward the end of this dream, she saw nothing but your face, eyes softly closed, there between her legs. It was no in-depth scene. No words. No kissing. Just you, licking a line from her knee up the skin of her inner thigh.

Abby woke up with a gasp. She looked down to find there was wetness between her thighs, and momentarily she couldn’t distinguish what was and wasn’t real. She was almost convinced that you really were somewhere near, that somehow you had been there between her legs just a moment ago. But, the room was empty and the wetness had come from Abby, herself, of course.

She found her hand was there, too, under her boxers, to meet her body with stiff, soaked fingers.

She laid there, staring at the ceiling, unsure of what to make of it, still hypnotized in her exhaustion.

She didn’t think about it. Abby began moving her fingers around in circles, her other hand placed on the top of her head, bottom lip tucked slightly under her front teeth.

She closed her eyes and, without realizing, tried to prolong the feeling that seemed so real only moments ago.

You popped into her mind. She quickened her pace.

There was something so indulgent about the image she had. It felt dirty. Naughty ideations of her own roommate was something she knew she’d feel guilty about later, a secret that could never be shared. She didn’t know where it had come from specifically, this need for you, but, honestly, she didn’t even try to interrogate it. She just exhaled hard through her nose as she tried to picture you more vividly.

“Fuck…” She whispered to herself. The feeling built and built and she gripped onto her blanket, breathing hard.

Just then, the key to your door started jangling.

Abby stopped immediately, yanked out of her dream and her tiredness altogether. She pulled up the slightly pulled down pants and sat up. She grabbed the book off her desk, opened it to a random page and pretended to be lost in the story by the time you opened the door and walked inside.

She had startled you.

“Oh, hey,” you said.

Abby looked up over the page. “Hey.”

“I forgot I need these for my next class,” you explain while gathering two books from your desk and shoving them into your backpack.

“Hm,” she said, feigning disinterest.

You zipped up and turned to leave. “Alright. See you later,” you said but met Abby’s eyes which were already on you. You turned back. “Are you okay?” You asked.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“Oh, nothing, your face is all red.”

Abby just shrugged, at a complete loss for words.

“Okay,” you said without a second thought. “Well, bye.”

“Bye.”

Once you were gone, Abby tossed the book, turned over onto her stomach, and buried her head beneath her pillow.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

The dreams, however, only got worse from there. Abby started waking up from dreams with her hand down her pants more often than not and, by morning, they delivered her a head full of thoughts she could barely acknowledge to herself. Dreams of you sitting in her lap, dreams of her fingers in your mouth, dreams of you panting into her ear. She had visions of what you’d look like astride her hips with a smile on your face. Impossible dreams of you seducing her in huge hot tubs, or at fancy dinners with her hand squeezing tight around your thigh under a tablecloth, a gala where you both get locked in the coat closet with nothing but time to kill. These dreams consumed her until late in the day.

If there was one thing Abby promised herself she wouldn’t do is fall in love with a straight girl. Especially her roommate, who she presumed kind of hated her. This new energy you brought to her made her so vulnerable in the dark hours of the night, she felt she had to release it before she got in too deep.

So, she tried the gym. She started lifting uncharacteristically heavier. She started lifting until failure, until she had completely obliterated her muscles. Her teammates applauded her for her hard work, if only they knew the real reason for the fire lit under her ass.

It helped some. More like distracted her. But she knew the craving hadn’t fully subsided. It only took an hour for it to re-emerge. Sooner if she saw you walking to class or if you tried to spark conversation in the dorm, which was rare but nonetheless excited Abby when it did happen.

One time when you were both getting ready for bed, you turned to Abby and broke the silence.

“Hey, I was wondering…”

“What’s up?” Abby responded. The eagerness with which she asked was out of her control.

“I, um, well, do you think you could show me around the gym sometime? I didn’t get to see it when I toured, and it’s so big. I’m honestly kind of intimidated-”

“Yes, yeah,” Abby said.

“Cool,” you nodded. “Thank you.”

A moment of silence passed. Abby’s heart raced with the prospect of getting to talk to you so much. Guide you around and show you the place. But in a second, she thought better of it. She needed to contain herself someway or another.

“Yeah,” Abby continued. “They’ve got a great yoga studio, you know. One has classes and the other one is free for students to use anytime.”

You scoffed. Abby’s face was intentionally blank, waiting to see your reaction.

“Of course,” you said. “Of course, you assume I’d just want to do yoga.”

“I figure you’d want to see it.”

“Okay, well could you just show me the whole gym?”

“Yeah,” Abby said, recoiling from you a bit. She pushed through, wondered if perhaps she could make this worse for herself. Worsening the relationship could force the unwanted thoughts about you to subside entirely. “Sorry. You don’t strike me as a weightlifter.”

You stopped and looked sharply her way.

“Okay. Forget I asked. I’ll find someone else.”

Just like that, another failed attempt at conversation was over. Her self-sabotage felt far less productive than she thought it would feel. All Abby felt was stupid. Her heart sank lower in her chest.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

Soon she became so scared of her sleeping self, worried that you'd hear her sleep talking your name or, dear god, catch her fucking herself while she dreamt about eating you out in the quiet section of a library. The idea was so mortifying to her that she nearly couldn’t sleep with you in the room at all, which was every night.

She grew anxious, unable to control herself and unable to sleep. Practice became lackluster. Lifting felt ineffectual. Still, she knew she couldn’t let the levee break. She needed respite in any form and, eventually, Abby realized she was desperate.

One day before rugby practice, she texted Nora, a girl Abby fucked on and off for a majority of her freshman year. Abby liked Nora because she was as impersonal about hooking up as Abby was. It was a clean-cut fuck buddy deal she knew she could rely on if she wanted.

The next Thursday, Nora took Abby in like an old friend. She sat her down and opened a bottle of wine, performed the pleasantries of simple conversation, caught up with school and sports and life, and eventually led Abby to the bedroom.

They knew what they were there to do.

In a blur, Abby found her arms wrapped around Nora's lower back as she pressed her face flesh to Nora's chest, guiding her through a sweaty orgasm which seemed satisfactory.

When Nora tried to return the favor, Abby was completely dry.

She had been mentally elsewhere since the moment she knocked on the door.

She played it off as just being out of it, just wanting to please Nora that night. So, Abby haphazardly thanked her for the wine, as it was really the only thing Nora could give Abby that night besides for a spacious bed outside of the dorms, and they went to sleep.

But Abby could only stare up at the ceiling as Nora breathed heavily beside her in a deep sleep.

She decided to walk back to the dorm. It was early and the sun was just starting to light up the sky. You were asleep, and when Abby closed the door, you sprawled out in your bed, strands of hair curled and scattered messily around your face. She watched you sleep for a second, feeling gross and cold and wired. She still couldn’t sleep, so she turned on her desk lamp and read in an attempt to forget her last two or three decisions.

When the sun was finally up, you turned over in your bed and pushed your covers down to your feet, stretching out until your hands hit the headboard. You saw Abby was already up, only reading in bed as you often found her.

“No gym today?” You yawned.

Abby looked over at you and just shook her head.

“You look tired.”

“Good morning to you, too,” Abby said.

You nodded, grabbed your toiletry bag, and left.

Half of Abby convinced herself you knew what she’d been doing the night before, which only made her feel dirtier. Moreover she believed that even if you knew, in agreement with how she wanted to keep things, you were totally indifferent.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

Abby’s logic wasn’t flawless. She thought she had been doing all the right things. She fucked it out of her system, as far as she was concerned, so after that she got right back into the swing of her routine. All excess feelings would surely go away. The dreams would stop.

Yet, a week later, it was your face she saw through vertically moving weights, walking through the gym’s hallways that made Abby nearly drop the weights she had raised over her head.

A blonde girl was walking with you. You seemed disinterested.

Her name was Carol and she was another classical guitar major. She was the best in your music theory class and you clung to her when you realized not only was she a talented sight reader but she had the most lifeless and dull nature of anyone you had ever met. She was the exact friend you had hoped to meet.

She had also offered to show you around the gym when you asked. Admittedly, you didn’t need someone to tour guide you through the gym. You just didn’t want to go alone.

Carol talked at you in great detail about the gym’s hours, what kinds of people one might find in certain areas, and how she tried pickleball once but couldn’t stand the instructor’s “overly-excited” approach to teaching.

You zoned out, clutched onto the straps of your backpack, and looked around at the gym. There were so many levels. A big hole in the wall right by the entrance that showcased the basketball courts, two yoga studios hidden around a corner on the second floor, the track that outlined the upper level, and, of course, the massive weightlifting section next to it. You tried to look away from it when Carol walked you past it just in case.

When she had taken you through most of it all, you stopped at the sight of double doors with small windows you could barely see through.

“Is that the pool?” You asked, but you were already walking away by the time Carol could answer.

You gazed eagerly at the swimmers who glided across the lap lanes with ease. There were sounds of whistles and people yelling out times.

“Can anyone swim here or is it just for the swim team?” You asked and no one answered.

You looked briefly behind you. Carol was gone. But, truthfully you didn’t care enough to go after her and continued staring at the splashes and glistening bodies in swimsuits, caps bobbing in and out of the water. The smell of the chlorine was so nostalgic. You let yourself breathe in and out, taking it all in, closing your eyes.

“It's just for the swim team, usually,” a voice said right behind you.

You jumped and turned to see who was inches away from you, closing you into the door behind you.

You exhaled. “Abby.”

“You swim?” She ignored your shock.

“Not, like, for exercise.”

“Hm,” Abby responded. “So, what are you doing here then?”

“Getting the tour I requested.”

“Yeah. From Carol, who’s never actually been here before.”

You momentarily look around for Carol but assume she must have left. You wonder how Abby even knew she was with you.

“Hey, she took a very riveting pickleball class here and has much to say about it,” you said.

Abby smirked and moved from her close proximity to the space next to you. You both stayed there for a moment, just watching.

“She seems like a lot of fun.”

“She is,” you said a bit indignantly.

“I bet,” Abby said. “I had her in my Intro to College course last year. She’s very… organized?”

You sighed, eyes still fixed on the swim team. “Yeah, she’s kind of awful.”

Abby couldn’t contain a laugh and you laughed with her. Out of all your conversations where she seemed to get on every one of your nerves, you were always kind to her. You turned away from the doors and Abby followed alongside as you walked together.

“So,” Abby said, “why are you friends with her then?”

“She’s very smart. She’s nice enough.”

“Your standards for friendship are pretty low. No offense.” Abby swallowed at the thought of you taking offense. Of her taking it too far again. But this time you conceded.

“You could say that. I guess I like laying low.”

“Yeah, I see that. I can’t figure out why though.” You looked up at Abby to see if she’s fucking with you again but she looked genuine. It softened you. “I think you’re cool.”

“Thanks,” you said, looking from her to the floor again. “I just…I’ve had my fill of shitty friends before. I figure Carol is the boring kind of shitty and not the ‘ruin your life’ kind of shitty.”

“Christ,” Abby said. “I get that though.”

You looked at her to call bullshit.

“No, really,” she continued. “If I had a dime for every time I’ve realized someone I considered a best friend was actually totally fucking awful, I’d have, like…”

“Too many dimes?”

You smile. Abby smiled at having made you smile.

“Too many fucking dimes,” Abby agreed and lingered on you, this laugh of yours in particular said, that’s so stupid, but you smiled anyway. She looked away and nervously stroked her neck. “Hey, listen, I’m sorry about what I said before. I see you lug, like, four guitars between classes everyday, so I had no right to say what I did, about me not taking you for a weightlifter. That was stupid.”

Abby’s breath got caught in her words. There was something about her that always made you sympathetic and made the corners of your mouth perk up. She went on.

“I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. Which… that’s my fault. If you ever want to hang out, though, outside of the dorm-”

But your eyes tore from her and were suddenly down the hall, staring at a gaggle of girls talking to one of the front desk student workers. Your face went sullen and your body stunned. Abby tried to follow your gaze.

You went into a panic and your eyes darted around until they landed on Abby again.

“I have to go,” you suddenly said. You swung around to Abby, seemingly hiding your face from them.

“Oh- sorry, did I-”

“But thanks for saying that. Yeah, we should,” you said, and Abby could sense your urgency to leave. “Do you wanna go to a party with me?”

Abby couldn’t hide her surprise. And pleasure. “Yes. Yeah,” she coughed. “Sure.”

“It’s a Valentine's Day party. I know it’s early in the month for that, but, yeah, Carol invited me and it seems like it might be fun, I sort of want to go but I don’t really want to go with…”

“Oh, yeah, no, fuck Carol. I’m down.”

“Yeah?” Your eyes opened brightly, at her and then anxiously to the doors behind you. “Okay, that’s great, amazing. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, see you.”

And you were out the door. Abby noticed your head slightly turn away from the girls at the front desk.

Abby’s eyes were wide. She let out a big breath and smiled to herself as she walked back to the weights. Yet, Abby found herself counting past her normal ten reps, so consumed by her thoughts that she couldn’t feel her muscles burning. Perhaps it was the moment you invited her to the party that Abby’s grand idea to repress her feelings had gone out the window. Maybe it was when you confided in her, in what small way it was, or the way you laughed at her being a smart ass that made her abandon the boundary she set for herself. Or, possibly, in the moments she spent watching you watch the swim team, Abby realized something she quietly knew since the day she met you: she couldn’t exercise or fuck her way out of this.

Even if it all was to just be your friend, which she was slowly accepting it would be, it would be worth it to die on that hill. She would let herself die on that hill. Even if it broke her heart and you never were any the wiser. What else could she do? Abby had been a lost cause from the start.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

In a glance, Abby’s memories stop short. She feels the same sense of hopefulness she did in her memory so she chooses not to reminisce further. Not when things feel so simple and good again.

It was hard enough for Abby to look you in the eyes. Every time she did, she felt like she was reading a book and your pages were turning so fast it made her dizzy. It’s how she feels as you ask again:

“You coming?”

You’re half turned to face Abby on the pool’s edge with a hand outstretched to her and anticipation in your eyes.

She comes in colors everywhere, she combs her hair, she's like a rainbow...

As if at peace with the restlessness you gave her, she looks over to you sweetly, cracking a girlish smile and releasing her hair from its braid.

“I’m not waiting for you!” You sing out. “Three! Two!”

Abby runs and cannonballs into the pool.

A second later, Abby feels you explode into the water next to her and opens her eyes. The chlorine stings but she sees you clearly. The deep blue glow surrounds your body as you cascade through the water. Your eyes are squeezed shut drawing little lines of sunshine on the sides of your face, bubbles of air fluttering around you, escaping to the surface.

Abby follows you up until you both find air. Two heads bobbing up and down. The noise of splashing calms. It’s just you and her. Both bodies are tensely aware of that fact.

You hide the bottom half of your face in the water, looking away from Abby nervously. You can sense her eyes on you. It makes you freeze. The familiar heat runs up your neck.

“Stop it.”

She shrugs, indecipherably.

“Okay,” she says.

But Abby doesn’t change a thing.

It all festers on your face.

You take a breath and plunge down until water surrounds you completely, until you’ve held your breath so long that your heart beats louder than your thoughts, slowly and finally drowning them out.

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.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

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