#or how I've seen people be cool with abusers and rapists as long as they ain't do any 'gay shit'

[vegasvagus]

I was gonna say "what's wrong with Weeknd's music getting played in gay bars" but then I remembered how homophobic the Black community can be (it varies obviously but still)

[drdemonprince]

so first off, sorry bc this is super fucking heavy.

re: commonalities between cis and trans men, and that other ask. something I've had to come to terms with is how even as a teenager before I had the concept of transitioning in my head - I still got all of the societal messaging wrt misogyny, etc. I totally benefited from it, even as a woman. I put other girls down. I was the cool chick. I cashed in where I could with it. i was absolutely a chauvinist when I transitioned. I felt inhuman as a woman, but I understood that ultimately that's the way women were *supposed* to be, as much as I wished otherwise. it took a long time to unlearn that.

my personal experience makes me very uncomfortable when I see other trans men talking about gendered socialization, or how overly negative people are towards men as a class. I wonder if they have ever sat down and really reconciled with the way they have, and do, benefit from their gendered position, or if they've convinced themselves they can't be a "bad person" by virtue of their birth sex.

I can't find a nuanced way to talk about this that won't be read in bad faith as essentialist rhetoric. rape culture is the system by which consent violation is normalized, its all the music and books and movies and bad relationships I assumed were normal and romantic as a young adult. I really, really hurt people, and I did it as men are encouraged to do, and as they are rewarded for doing. I found affirmation in hurting people, and it is so fucking easy to do this without even really thinking of it because it's the entire culture you've come up in.

I'm not even talking like, obvious cases here like phyrical domestic abuse & intentional date rape. there are so many subtle boundary erosions, there's weird gray areas around drugs & alcohol, there's attitudes and expectations in established relationships, there's the potential to exploit community for personal gain. there are partners who will fear you, and freeze and fawn and will not tell you "no."

a lot of the "we need a special word for masculine transphobia" types seem to also disavow the possibility that they hold male privelege. but we need to look at that shit, sexual or otherwise. it's scary to see guys who see women talking about it and they knee-jerk shout back "I'm not a rapist" and "not all men." guarantee some of them are, and just aren't aware of it. i was.

Thank you so much anon for this really brave, candid message. I think it's something that a lot of the trans guys crowing in my inbox about how cis men "are the bad gender" need to hear. (yes, someone literally said that to me). Portraying gendered categories, especially ones based on birth assignment!, as ontologically more evil or pure than others sets people up for abuse. Separating cis men out from trans men erases the ways in which trans guys can both leverage power and the ways in which toxic masculine norms are transmitted culturally to everyone regardless of assigned sex at birth. Lots of trans guys are palpably uncomfortable with their power, and can only see that relative to cis men, they experience transphobia and misogyny in greater amounts, and so they presume they must be in a highly victimized category. But they dont ever consider that as men they can and do often wield power over women -- especially trans women -- and they've got to fucking learn how to handle that reality responsibly, which many cis men actually do know how to fucking do. Especially multiply marginalized cis men who have been preyed upon and exploited themselves.

I think it's really powerful to hear you taking ownership of the actions you've taken that have hurt others, and the allure such actions had. Very few people have the courage to look their lower moments in the face and affirm that it's actually a part of them. If we're ever going to stop abusing and talking over women we've got to own up to our shit. I've seen what can happen when men come together to be vulnerable about their struggles, own their wrongdoing, and seek to change -- back when I was working in a men's drug treatment program. We can overcome this shit and take responsibility. But a lot of the birthday boy trans guy squad is incensed by even the idea of owing anything to anyone. Like a lot of MRAs.

[chaifootsteps]

I'm sorry if I sound like the classic "ugh, why can't they be just Friends????!1" but after some episodes I just can't keep wondering....

Are friends even a thing in the hellaverse?!

I really, REALLY can't think of any interaction between characters that isn't either oversexual or fells like a natural friendship...

I've seen people say the V's feel like a natural group of friends but....nope, both males of the trio have that oversexual tone and velvette is just there.

No one in IMP feels close to anyone that isn't family or romantic, Blitz is awful to mox, Loona is awful to mox, Millie and Loona are always hating each other and Vías "moment" of calm with Loona feels OC for her.

Same with the hazbin cast, despite there is a possible bound between niffty and Husk being under Alastors control they rarely interact, the supposed love Charlie express to the cast feels plastic since she never got close to anyone really and barely interacted (just that disgusting episode where she sees a friend in pain and wont help cause 'itz meeeeaaaan!!'), and they got rid of the cool friend that cherri was supposed to be in favor of....you guessed it !! Shipping!!! Yay!!!!.

The only "frienship" that could have been great where emily and Charlie, and Veggie with angel in the past when she was supposed to be a sinner...

but I don't feel like Charlies feelings about others are sincere anymore by how unnatural she acts, like she says she cares but doesn't really and Emily, despite being really innocent deserves better...

And veggie isn't a troubled sinner that died in the 90's anymore so that "enemies to friends" regarding a growth of a soft spot between her and angel, and the possibility of them bounding over their shared pain (veg was supposed to be a S*xworker in life) is gone like any hope I could had over this mess...

Sorry for the long rant but I haven't seen anyone pointing it out.

You're right, and I think it's one of those things that hints at something fairly sad about Viv as a person. She can't write sincere romantic relationships to save her life, but she's also just really, really bad at writing friends. Characters might work together towards a common goal, might even hang out together, but there's a lack of empathy, of connection, of real love. Pentious's "friends" let him be dragged off by a crowd of rapists, Husk says he accepts Angel's flaws and then expresses disgust with them two episodes later, and everyone in HB constantly abuses and belittles and threatens everyone else.

The most believable friendship we have is Pilot and Addict Angel and Cherri, and we saw what happened to that.

And yeah, there's no getting around it, I think that's all Viv and how she interacts with people. Viv's closest, most enduring friend is Sam, who she shit talks behind her back and who talks shit about her in turn. And that kind of says it all.

[canongf-archive]

Hello there, new to the blog and self shipping/ the whole F/O thing. I've kinda come to realize that I really love Karl Heisenberg from resident evil village. Is shipping with a villain seen as taboo here or like...is it okay? I'm feeling a bit nervous about it and I don't feel like there's too many folks I can talk to without overwhelming them...sorry if it's a bother. Kind regards!

hi hi hi !!!!! 💗

to be honest with you, anon !!! it really depends!!!!!

it depends on the character and it depends on who you're asking!!! not every person in the community feels exactly the same way about this kind of thing. one person might be comfortable with something, and another might be really uncomfortable with it! so it's definitely not a one-size-fits-all, but i'll do my best to answer your question !!!

there are a lot of people here that ship with villains, and there are a lot of people here that are really cool about that!!! but i think it's important to understand that the term 'villain' can cast a pretty wide net, and most people might have different ideas of what that means.

shipping with a character that's a canon abuser, a predator, a rapist, a racist, part of a hate group, or something along those lines, is definitely not something that's widely supported or encouraged in this community. it's one thing for a character to be a villain! to create chaos and to do bad things and it’s one thing to enjoy that in fiction... but there's definitely a line between that and a character that is affiliated with actual groups that actively oppress and harm minorities in real life.

like! here's one example! a super villain might destroy a city with their super powers and try to take over the world. that's obviously bad, but we're able to recognize that, we're also able to recognize that it's not super realistic, and by shipping with them you're not trying to justify damage to public property or world domination. but a character that's, say, affiliated with the nazi party... those people exist. they have existed, they still currently exist, they do horrific damage, and yeah, the character is fictional, but it's not good to "look past" these very real and very damning aspects to them because it creates a hostile and dangerous environment for Jewish self shippers. we cannot ignore a character’s antisemitism just because they're fictional, that only normalizes it. that only shows Jewish self shippers that their safety isn't as important as a fictional character that we think is handsome that week. we have to actively be against anti semitism and we have to be pro-Jewish at all times. you know?

so! yes, you can ship with villains !!! but i think it's really important to consider who that specific villain is, what they've done, and how that might affect the people around you!!! and know that, ultimately, no matter who you ship with, there still might be some people that are uncomfortable interacting!!! for whatever reason that might be!!! and that's their prerogative!!!

i don't know anything about Karl specifically, but i hope that this (sort of long-winded) answer has given you enough insight to make your own decision on things moving forward. good luck, anon !!!!! 💗

[only-book-lovers-left-alive]

Warning! Long rant.

I've seen a few posts in the DA tags about only truly terrible people being interesting, and it just bothers me a bit.

To be perfectly clear, I understand that many characters that are traditionally written as evil are not, and that authors often use offensive stereotyping. That's not cool, and I understand flipping the narrative there!

In addition to that, authors don't need to preach morality and goodness; they aren't obliged to teach the audience what is and isn't ok. We have common sense, and as the audience we need exercise critical thinking. This is obvious.

HOWEVER, I just... I'm so bothered by some of the things that people just spout in here? Yeah, fine, the psychology of abusers is interesting, but Jesus fucking CHRIST, how ignorant do you need to be in order for "terrible people are the only interesting people uwu" to be your hot take??? How unhealthy do you need to be? Because aspiring to be a peace of shit abuser and rapist- which I've seen romaticized in this community- is objectively wrong.

Intelligence without compassion makes for a compelling villain, not an aspirational life goal. Selfishness is needed for someone to be healthy- you need to be able to take care of, and prioritize, yourself for your own sanity. You do! With that, you need to have enough dogma to look someone in the eye and tell them that they're wrong, ESPECIALLY if you're marginalized.

With all of that said, there is a horrible mentality I've seen with some (younger) users that condones bullying, aloofness, exclusion, and xenophobia. You are a citizen of the world- that's what this community is about! Learn from people different from you! "I want to be powerful and have x y z, a b c, I want to be aloof and cold and heartless..." You do? You want to put yourself in a position to hurt someone? The wine you want to sip is made by overworked farmers, the aged cheese you eat was made in a factory with no consideration for the animals or the workers, the clothes you aspire to wear are made by workers that are, for the most part extremely underpaid and overworked, the sleek car you want to drive was made by a factory that moved to Mexico or the southern US or another place to get away from unions...

We learn and study to make the world a better place, to listen and advocate and boost the voices of people that aren't listened to. Advocate for countries to get their own art back, advocate for missing native women that the police don't care about, advocate for workers and research the products you buy, go vegan or vegetarian ethically with care for the people that make your food for you! Expand your horizons and leave the world a better place than you found it, instead of romanticizing being a piece of shit.

And yeah, many people, (including myself!), work for laughable wages and can't afford to be ethically considerate in all their purchases- I'm not saying that someone is in the wrong for not being able to afford it. But the lack of empathy from some people is just... Astounding.

You've joined a community that focuses on leerning- make the world a better place with your knowledge.

[kathyorihara]

About me unpopular opinions

(I'm not gonna tag I'll get attacked if I do)

I'm anti feminist/sjw rhetoric as in I do believe everyone should be accounted for and be equal but just not in the way that hurts others:

( I mean this)

I am skeptical of those that use they/them pronouns in their bio. Mostly because I've seen too many people use them and claim that they don't need gender dysphoria to be trans.

I like pineapple on pizza

White milk is gross I prefer chocolate

It's latino not latinx

There are some white people that are racist and there are some straight/cis people that are homophobic/transphobic. However, that doesn't mean they all are and I wish people would stop generalizing it as so.

I hate black and white pictures they feel empty. I legit colored the pics in my friends binder in freshman year because they were in black and white.

I hate Trissia paytas, James Charles, Onision people like that.

I don't find Dan and Phil attractive like don't get me wrong I can see how others are attractive but they're too much like me to be my type.

Worms are gross

I am for woman to have abortion rights however I do not like that some woman will use abortuon as another form of contraception despite having one already( use pills/condoms)

I am in between on legalizing weed mostly because I feel like a few will over use the power and not let people that need it medically get it.

Free the nipple is kinda dumb cuz a lot of women use it to just flaunt their titits. No it's ok to say it when a mom should be allowed to breast feed in public nit when you want to be naked.

I think men should have more say in custody battles too many shitty moms walk away with the child because the law said the man has no say.

I can respect others opinions be it political or not as long as we are mutually respectful of one another.

If you say your pan I will question if you mean it as in that's a most comfortable label for you or if you think bi is against trans (it's not)

3rd person pov in fanfic sucks there are some that are good but most are hard for me to focus on.

Facial hair on guys is gross this is just my preference it has more to do with how my dad has facial hair and the saying that your partner is like the embodiment of your parent.

Insects are cool

Pancakes are gross

I'm ok with others not shippinh what I ship. We can all be respectul of others ships it's not that hard.

Live shows are boring

There can be change without being mean to one another

Poc people can be racist I have seen them be racist to other poc people and to white people (yes you can be racist to white people)

The light furry is beautiful

If you want representation make it don't just bitch about not beinh any in other shows.

Vaping and smoking is gross but please be mindfull if others around you if you do vape/smoke.

I do think farm animals should be treated better but I'm not gonna be begam because of it.

Books I hate are 50 shades of gray, hunger games, twilight, and the fault in our stars ( had to write a page why I hate it in Highschool).

Dyed hair, piercings, and tattos should not be considered unprofessional.

Parents should let their kids have privacy but at the same time they should let them be open about their feeling.

I don't mind someone's religion as long as they're not jackass to those that don't believe.

Ghost can be explained by science

Boys/Men should be able to express emotion and be open to others if they experienced abuse or rape.

Girls/Woman can be pedophiles, rapist, abusive, shitty in genereal.

Hitting or insulting your child is not discipline.

People of the opposite sex can just be friends.

Gold fish are hard to take care of

Periods are gross

There are rules to crossing the boardsr and they should be respected. This is coming from an actual illegal immigrant (that's a post on it's own). (I am not pro trump btw) it's worse for most people that cross illegally. There are some illegals that are good but there are also some that are bad.

Taylor swift is like wine or cheese her songs get better with age.

Tacos (latino or american) are not that good.

Pickles and olives are gross so are pickles.

Pigeons are cute

Going braless or sleeping in underwear is gross (for me that is)

Shoe brands like Nike, pumas, and adidas have the ugliest shoes I've seen.

Colone is gross it makes me want to vomit from the smell.

That's all for now but please do not reblog this I don't want to get attacked.