#or fictional reptiles like specific dragons or whatever

[pookapufferfish]

guys, gimme reptiles to draw

i feel like practicing stylised reptiles that aren't my sona lol

[monsterblogging]

If you want to avoid this kinda thing, you really do need to familiarize yourself with the very specific ways these things are weaponized against people. The ancient astronaut hypothesis isn't just about the idea of aliens visiting humanity in ancient times. It also emerges from the assumption that POC were too primitive to engineer things like pyramids and figure out how to carve and move big blocks of stone all on their own. It couldn't possibly be that they'd known something modern white Europeans didn't; they must have had help from advanced beings... like maybe white people from Atlantis or maybe even white people from outer space. Here's a good introduction to the history of this narrative. For deeper information, you might check out the podcast It's Probably (Not!) Aliens.

Mean reptile people and lizard aliens aren't a problem by themselves. The problem with David Icke's "reptilian shapeshifters have infiltrated the government" myth is that it's largely made out of antisemitic conspiracy theories (as is nearly every modern conspiracy theory). Seriously, go read Wikipedia's article on antisemitic tropes, and you'll see pretty much everything in there.

Now like, not everything that resembles these conspiracy theories is necessarily sourced from these conspiracy theories. Like, Jews are accused of being shapeshifting reptiles and controlling the weather for malicious purposes, but dragons and serpents are often linked with weather in various mythologies, and shapeshifting is a pretty common quality associated with dragons. (Chinese and Slavic dragons immediately come to mind.)

Also, a lot of Japanese media uses invasive alien entities that promise prosperity or seem to hold the key to prosperity but bring ruin as an allegory for capitalism. From their standpoint, capitalism actually is an alien influence, having been introduced by westerners. (Moon Channel's video Why Do You Always Kill Gods In JRPGs? explores this.)

One other thing you can do is understand how conspiracy theorists think. Like this post put it, belief in the Devil plays a huge part in American conspiracism. The thing is, though, not every conspiracy theorist believes in a literal devil. Some of them just believe in the myth of the Ontologically Evil Person. (Someone who believes without evidence that their abusive ex-boyfriend's behavior was deliberately calculated to hurt them in very precise ways is in fact engaging in conspiratorial thinking.) They're often xenophobic to the point of believing that whole demographics can be made up of Ontologically Evil Persons or easily manipulated by them. (That thing where TERFs believe trans women are all out to rape them and trans men are victims of manipulation? That's conspiracy thinking!) They blame whatever bothers them on an Other instead of examining their prejudices and facing the discomfort of admitting that the institutions and traditions they put stock in are inherently imperfect and that shit just happens sometimes. (Not everyone who thinks this way is a full-blown conspiracy theorist, but they are absolutely at higher risk for radicalization, by the way.) Also, they usually aren't great at critical thinking skills.

It's obvious why conspiracy theories appeal to so many writers - they're full of ideas that ignite the imagination and awaken our sense of adventure. The idea of aliens out there to meet, lost civilizations to be discovered, and ancient mysteries to be unraveled are very compelling. And this stuff absolutely does make great fiction! But you also need to understand how all these kinds of things have been used in certain narratives created to justify oppression and violence and by grifters who just didn't give a fuck so long as they could sell a book and get on TV, because the the absolute last thing these narratives need is more validation.

On the topic of conspiracy theories, I wish more writers were aware of how stuff like ancient astronaut hypothesis, Atlantis, UFO abductions, and the like fit into the scheme of far right conspiracy theories, and cared enough to make sure that their depictions of aliens and lost civilizations aren't repeating far right rhetoric. "People in government are evil lizard people in disguise!" isn't a silly meme, it's a conspiracy theory developed by a guy (David Icke) who claims Judaism and being trans were invented by evil aliens.

[thedailyvio]

Every now and then I feel bad for giving 0 context for anything, so gonna quickly summarize my story stuff under the cut

The Traveler’s Found (TTF)

Skye, Gill, Marth, Kydin, Leo, Kira, Krieg, Heiwa, Narcissa, Sebastian, Vadim, Bahemek, Xenon, etc

TTF is hard to summarize because it has 10 story arcs and they all lead into the other, but the plot begins with ‘A wizard terrorist attacks the king of Hou’lu sending two girls on a quest to stop him’ which sounds so simple doesn’t it -sobs-

 Very adventure, political intrigue, slice of life elements

They basically travel all over the world, and I’ll quickly summarize what that’s like by listing each countries major influences

Hou’lu: Italian Renaissance, China

Sunobor: Medieval Germany, Japan, Inuit

Haldon: Folk Mexican, Folk Italian

Lavynna; Byzantine, some inspo from India to structure of things?

Gehinna: Ancient Hebrew

Parappa: Egypt-Germany

North Desert: Russia-Arabic

Harpies (more a tribe): Maasai

TTF of them all gets the most complicated but very incrementally, so it’s the hardest to express much on. But they get a cool hard magic system based on 10 elements so

Also TTF dragons are sentient, intelligent, and morally complex

—

The Miyoré Schism

A prequel to ttf by about 900 years

Faolan, Mien, Enlai, whatever I name the girl, Jiao

The plot here is a bit simpler

What happens when the one who pulls the blade only those Chosen by God can touch is among the race of people thought to be destined to serve?

This focuses largely on the Sha’li of East Hou’lu. As a race they have very distinct white hair, pale skin, and red eyes. At this time in history, monster taming was very common as well, so most the characters have a family or personal monster. Sha’li also have an ability to become “invisible” but in actuality they are lowering their ‘presence’ or ‘noticibility’ to all non-Sha’li

This story draws largely from Tibet for its aesthetics

—

Kingdoms

Ariella, James, Charles, Kiba

I have uprooted a lot about this story and not yet relayed it, but so far

A girl who wanted to become a soldier but was refused strikes out on adventure to do what she can for her country on her own- but to her chagrin gets a tag along

This story likely will have a soft magic system, and is definitely still based on Victorian and Japanese aesthetics. It’s actually a specific era of Japanese history but I can’t remember which. Possibly 16th c?

Despite this, it’s a low tech world.

Most fantasy type creatures/races do show up in Kingdoms, unlike my other stories

Dragons exist in Kingdoms but are universally evil and nobody has ever killed one

—

Magic and Cannons (MnC)

A wip name still

Cusick, Agathe, Romana, Kordell, Levi, Maureen, Ames, Sung-jin

I’m still figuring put the plot to this honestly, but the first bit is definitely

‘A narcissistic man is captured as a PoW and must find a way to escape’

There’s just three countries of any importance to this world, and it’s much less whimsical in nature than the others, being closer to reality in some ways, and having a lot more tech. Though it vibes as subtly cartoony in how characters have slightly exaggerated aspects to their personalities and behaviors.

Delemar is the country Cusick is from and is based on Wild West in many ways, they’re a very independent people which can be good and bad, they also give no hecks about safety and are pretty wild in general

Choson is where Romana is from and they are much more interested in normalcy and order, which can be both good and bad. They prefer reptiles and fish as pets to mammals actually, which feels important to mention. If you know much about history, I suppose it’s clear they draw a lot from Korea for aesthetics.

Choson is also a very mixed population in terms of race, which Delemar is very much not.

Kievan is where Agathe hails from and is based on Russia. In each case I tried sticking to 1850s-1900s ish for my influences of these countries, though socially they are very diff.

Kievan has an affinity for wine and is the only country that appreciates using electricity for power. They have harsh winters, especially compared to the other two countries which tend to be more tropical in climates. Kievan is less developed so far, but they tend towards legalism there, and while that can be bad, they are also the one not involved in a pointless war, so

MnC is what I call glasspunk, Delemar and Choson rely on ‘reactions’ for their energy sources, which I can only explain as ‘you know how if you mix two volatile liquids, they could explode? They harness the energy from such things’

This is possible because their magic system is a type of alchemy which has allowed them a lot of reactions not available to us, and with this they’ve been able to get treated glass which is nearly indestructible, great for containing anything they need.

Magic is still something within the individual, but in MnC the extent of what it does is change the properties of whatever you’re touching with your hands. If you specialize in using this and inventing things based off of things with changed properties, you’re called a mage.

MnC has a lot of strange tech this way, including trains, vehicles, customizeable guns, staves that through weird tech stuff can have sort of elemental effects, etc.

Electricity is not compatible with reactions btw, because it can cause them to explode outside of when they’re meant to, kinda like smoking by a bunch of canisters of gasoline, it might be a lil risky. So societies that use reactions do not use electricity and have things in place to get rid of it, and societies that use electricity don’t use reactions. Combining them can get cool tech, but is inherently risky.

oh whoops I went off there, huh. Oh well it’s not seen as often as the other types of societies/magics I listed so

Dragons in MnC are animals (technically wyverns?) and have been domesticated to be work animals. No fire breath but they do have a strong venom, I think a neurotoxin type?? And the insides of their mouths are orange 👀 oh and the domesticated ones are reflective like mirrors ish

—

Children of the Little Mine (CotLM)

Geno

This is the only one I plan to make a novel, because it’s set in 1950′s-1960′s New York City and I don’t care about those aesthetics at all

I don’t have it planned out very far for plot, but basically a gremlin thief boy of 17 has a strange ability to manipulate how gravity effects him, and seemingly nobody else in the world has this. But one day during a break and entering situation, Geno finds another boy with an ability, and from there they decide to try sticking together a bit to figure out why, and maybe put together a heist against a mafia boss in the mean time (two stealy boys)

This is very close to being historical fiction aside from abilities, which are /extremely/ rare in this world. I’m very inspired by Artemis Fowl and A Separate Peace for tone, and plan to have middleschool boys as my target audience. Though I love fantasy and such, this one’s still a bit close to my heart anyways

Anyways literally nobody asked for this I just do this to myself. I seriously wanna start practicing comic making skills, but I can’t do that too much for a daily thing when I can usually put in an hour at best. I’m trying to find a sweet spot for it all, but it may yet be awhile before I can post literally anything that sheds light on who the heck any of the chars I post are.

I want to though, and I’ve been running this blog for years now, so best to assume it’ll get there someday. I have still written a lot and planned out things, so progress still happens behind the scenes. Aside from the last few months but that’s not uncommon for this time of year. If you actually read this, thanks euchjsd I don’t think many will, but having it here makes me feel a bit better

[beetlegoose01]

Frostbite (Chapter 2- Suspire)

AN: Chapter 2 is here friends! I appreciate all the kind feedback I received last chapter! Without further ado...

Previous Chapter: https://pepperimps01.tumblr.com/post/644922844412854272/frostbite-casetello-an-do-these-two-have-a-ship

~~~~

"So, can I go now?" Casey asked impatiently, trying to flex his arm. "I've got places to be, slowpoke."

Donnie glared at him, irritated. He seemed even more frustrated that Casey had made that semi flirty jab at him.  "Like where?"

"You know...around." He gave a toothy grin.

"Very specific, Jones."

"I like to think I'm very pacific."

"That's-"

"Actually..." Casey wiggled his eyebrows. "Red wanted to talk to me about something. Maybe a bit more than talk if you know what I mean..." He shrugged. "Can't exactly blame her. I'm a catch."

'We aren't there yet, Jones.'

'Is it about April? Because it's not my fault, she ...y'know likes me more.'

Donnie's heart plummeted, dropping the scalpel he was holding. It crashed by his feet loudly, but he didn't bother picking it up.  "You better go then." He said coldly.

"Are you sure? Because I wanted to tell you some-"

"Just leave!" He snapped. "Can't you tell I'm busy? I've got retromutagen to work on."

"Jeez, okay. Don't get your tail in a knot." The teen raised his hands in surrender.

Casey stumbled out of the lab, dazed and confused. His arm thankfully didn't hurt anymore, but he still felt a bit uneasy and sick to his stomach. He really just wanted to take a nap, forget about everything that happened and maybe never work with Donatello again. Couldn't that turtle take a joke?

He needed a distraction...

"CJ!" Mikey exclaimed, leaping towards him with a stupid grin on his face. Casey yelped, taken aback by the orange turtle's enthusiasm. At least that was a distraction alright.  "You won't believe this, dude!"

Casey smirked. "You know, I'm starting to think everything is believable at this point. What's up? Did you discover a new pizza joint?"

The smallest turtle looked about ready to explode with excitement. "Nope! Can't tell you yet, bro.  Come on, Leo's explaining everything at the dojo! I'm just getting you and Donnie! I'm ...Mikey the messenger!" And then he was off again, no doubt badgering Donatello.

Casey shook his head, laughing. Though he was somewhat curious about whatever the leader in blue had to say.

He entered the dojo, checking if Master Splinter was behind him. He trusted the old ninja master, and couldn't deny he was a big help...but that didn't stop him from flinching every time they made eye contact. Rats still gave him the creeps.

Raph and April were already there, chatting amongst themselves. Raph was currently practicing opening and closing April's tessen.

"I dunno, it just seems a bit..." He trailed off.

"A bit what, Raph?" April's eyebrows furrowed. "Go on, finish that sentence."

"It's not very sharp, that's all." As he said this, the tip of the fan poked his finger and he let out a squawk of pain.

"Not very sharp, huh?" April swiped the fan back. "Remember this from me: don't judge everything by its outer appearance."

"Touché." Raph waved at Casey, and the pair did an elaborate secret hand shake.

"What's this about anyway?" He folded his arms.

"Beats us." Raph shrugged. "All Mikey said was-" He changed his voice to a high pitched, cruel but accurate impression of his youngest brother. "Dudes you've gotta hear this! I'm gonna cry on the floor if you don't come to the dojo right this second!"

"It must be big if Leo wants to tell us." April said. "I mean, all Raph and I dealt with was the Purple Dragons graffiting a stop sign."

"It was a slow night!" Raph protested.  

"Maybe they saw Karai?" Casey suggested. That was really the only thing he could think of.

Mikey bounded into the dojo, followed by an extremely disgruntled Donnie, who made a big show of standing as far away from Casey as possible.

"What's all this about?" Donnie asked.

The single light bulb above them started to burn out. The team heard shuffling from behind the large tree, and a shadowy figure approached them, stepping into the dimly lit middle area. He dramatically raised his head, looking grim.

"You're probably wondering why I called you here this evening." Leo said, glancing at Mikey, who of course already knew and was wiggling with excitement.

"Well, yeah. Spit it out, already." Raph said impatiently.

Leo ignored him. "Mikey and I encountered something tonight.  Another mutant. We thought we caught them all or made allies with them but..."

"What?" His emerald eyes widened.

"What is it?" Donnie pressed.

"A dragon!" Mikey interrupted. "A humongous dragon! He had razor sharp teeth and claws!" He paused. "Actually he kinda reminded me of Leatherhead but way less friendly."

"Dragons aren't real, meathead." Donnie grumbled. "They're completely made up fictional stories."

"Have you ever seen a dragon before? Huh? Have you Donnie?" Mikey retorted, cloudy blue eyes filled with a sense of innocence that truly believed dragons were real- but also with a stubborn pride to prove his genius brother wrong. A common occurrence between the two youngest brothers.

"No but-"

"See?" Mikey looked triumphedley at Donnie, then turned back to Leo. "Continue,"

"Like I...and I guess Mikey was saying, we know it's some type of reptile. Not a dragon for sure, but something."

"Any distinctive features?" Donnie asked, snark evident in his tone. "There are over 8000 living species of reptiles, so you might need to be more specific."

"Ah, shut up Brainiac." Raph groaned.

"He's got a point though." Casey pointed out. "Not that I'm agreeing with him- I mean...there are like, a lot of reptiles out there."

"We didn't get a close look at it, I'm afraid. We had to retreat. Whatever it was, it was tough."

"And...kinda scary." Mikey said, hiding behind his oldest brother wearily.

"Fear is the path to the dark side, Mikey." Leo said firmly, patting his head. "Don't let your fear cloud your judgment. We can take it on. Just like we always do."

The group stared at the leader blankly.

"Did you really just quote Yoda?"  April said, covering her mouth to stop her giggles.

"Wh- nooo..." Leo blushed, leaning against the tree in a failed attempt to seem casual. "Why would I do that? That's totally ...lame." Clearing his throat, he continued: "Tomorrow we'll hold a stake out to find this mutant. I'm thinking they may have a chance to be an ally. Any questions?"

Mikey raised his hand. "Are you sure we can't have a pizza out instead? I'm not really a fan of steak and-"

"Any relevant questions?"

"Has it done any actual damage?" April tilted her head.

"It looked more scared than anything, actually." said Leo. "That's why I think we can convince it to join our allegiance."

"And if it isn't willing? Suppose it isn't up for prancing through a meadow with us and decides to kill us all?" Raph said. "Because our track record with friendly mutants tends to be a mixed bag."

"You didn't answer my question, did it do any damage?"

Leo chewed on his lip. "So...don't freak out but, it- she- he? Er- they looked very hungry and did attempt to spit on us. With acid. Or venom or whatever." He pressed on, despite the horrified looks of his peers. "It'll be okay! I have full confidence we can handle this as a team."

"So let me get this straight, Leo." Raph said, moving forward to his brother. "You almost got killed by this monster and your next course of action is: let's be friends! Are you out of your shell? That plan works just as well as Casey and Donnie baking cookies together!"

"For once I agree with Raph." Donnie said, earning a very disgruntled look from his brother.

"I didn't say friends, just figure out their motives." Leo mumbled.

"Whatever you say, Fearless." Raph pushed his brother aside roughly. "Good luck with that. I'm gonna check out Bloody Deaths III, anyone wanna play with me? Casey?"

"Sure," Casey felt his phone buzz. An anxious text from his twelve year old sister Riley snapped him back to reality. "Ah...actually can't. My little sister is getting worried. See you guys tomorrow?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"No worries. Older brother duties call." Leo nodded.

"Don't worry Raph, I'll play with you!" Mikey

"So will I." Leo agreed, happy to relax for a little bit. "How about you guys?" He glanced at Donnie and April, the last remaining members still inside the dojo.

"Just a moment. I'll be right there." April confirmed.

"Don't keep us waiting," Raph cracked his knuckles.

As they were leaving the dojo, Donnie felt a tap on his shoulder. Spinning around, he faced the beaming freckled face of April O' Neil.

"Hey!" She said cheerfully, blue eyes bright and curious.

"Er, um, hey!" He echoed, voice raising several octaves as puberty decided to betray him. He was grateful his brothers were in the other room, babbling about the video game Raph found in the dumpster. No doubt they would be teasing him about his failed attempt at flirting.

"I wanted to talk to you." April said.

"About the new mutant? Because I didn't get a chance to see it-"

"No, no." She interrupted, nudging his shoulder playfully. He blushed at the contact. "I meant about you and Casey. Everything turned out okay?"

Donnie fought the urge to groan. Of course it was about Jones. Instead, he bit his tongue, smiled sweetly and said: "He was...okay." he waved his hand vaguely.

April grinned, relieved. "Wow, that's way better than I expected!"

Donnie narrowed his eyes.

"What I mean is, you two are my closest friends. Seeing you two butt heads, act like you hate each other-  it hurts." She explained. "So it's nice seeing my two best buds get along.

'Best ...buds.' Donnie thought to himself, analyzing each word carefully. 'So maybe she isn't interested in him. That boy with his cocky grin and his stupid egotistical-'

"Casey mentioned you fixed his arm up too!"

"Huh?"

"His arm...he sprained it and you patched it up."

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Oh, that." He chuckled. "Wait...he told you?"  

"Yeah, he seems grateful but obviously too 'macho' to admit that."

"It wasn't really anything special."

"But it was, Donnie." April's eyes twinkled. "It was a really nice thing to do. I'm just...so happy you two are finally getting along. Thank you. I knew you would eventually!"

"Heh, well you know."

April chuckled, taking his hand as they walked to the pit.

Mikey sprung up from his beanbag chair. "Yuck, did you two kiss?" He gagged.

April rolled her eyes. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Raph pretended to throw up into his bowl of popcorn while Leo just laughed fondly.

"Take a seat you guys." He said. "We're about to start the game!"

"Actually I think I might call in early tonight." Donnie faked a yawn. "I'm so ...tired."

"You? Sleep?" Raph snorted. "If you didn't want to hang out with us, you could just say that. I don't think I've seen you go in your room since you were thirteen, Don."

"That's not true..." Donnie's cheeks flushed.

"Aw, leave him be." April said, grabbing a handful of popcorn despite Raphael's protests. "He needs his rest."

"Yeah, you do look significantly greener than normal, dude." Mikey pointed out.  "So to speak."

"Go get some rest." Leo said, raising a comforting hand to Donatello's shoulder. "That's an order from your leader."

"Well...goodnight then. Have fun." Donnie added an extra fake yawn for added effect, then retreated to the lab when they looked the other way.

~•~

Donatello checked his very messy notes, examining each point with precision. If he wasn't exact, weeks, heck, months of research would be a waste. He wasn't going to let anyone, let alone Casey Jones ruin his process. The lack of sleep already made his work sloppy.

"Add the dose of norepinephrine, stir carefully with the calibrated mutagen..." He mumbled under his breath. "Then wait ten minutes before..."

But he couldn't get that terribly charismatic smirk out of his mind. That no nothing, cocky little son of a-

"Focus Donnie. Don't think about him."

"Talking to yourself again I see."

"Gah!" Donnie yelped, practically doing ballet leaps as he grabbed the nearly fallen canister. He turned around to face his older, but significantly shorter brother. "Hamato Raphael!" He squeaked shrilly.

"Ooh using the full name on me." Raph snickered. "What did I do to deserve that?"

"How long have you been here?"

Raph shrugged, poking the bunsen burner. "Eh, long enough."

"Weren't you suppose to be playing that dumb game with the others?"

"Yeah, and we beat it." He said, piercing green eyes staring him down with a sense of judgement. "And I thought you were supposed to be sleeping. Shoulda have known you'd be back in your Nerd Cave." He flicked Donnie's arm.

"Why are you here?"

"Okay, twenty questions, is it against the law to see my baby brother?"

Donnie folded his arms. "Since when do you ever visit me for no reason?"

"Because I'm such a kind, caring brother?" He looked away guiltily. "Who simply wanted to check on you? Is that such a terrible thing, Donatello?" He leaned forward, dropping the act to return to his usual deadpan tone. "Also my motorcycle needs fixing."

"Ah, there it is."

"Watch the snark, I need it fixed soon."

"Fine, fine." Donnie sighed. "I will."

"Good, 'cause Casey and I are gonna hit the streets with that baby." He said smugly.

Donnie wilted. "Jones?"

Raph raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, Casey Jones. Human, dark hair, lots of missing teeth...this tall? Ring any bells? Oh, right. Forgot you and him had this thing going on..."

"It isn't about that." Donnie said quickly. "We...him and I..."

"You know, seeing you two act like idiots around each other isn't gonna help the team out. Even Mikey thinks it's stupid."

First April, now Raph? And apparently Mikey too...

"I don't care about what you and Jones do, it isn't really my business." Donnie cooled down, trying to tame his temper. "And we're trying, truly trying, at least I am to be civil."

"Hmph, yeah right."

"And ...I don't care if you two spend time together. Why should I? We aren't even friends!"

"Okay, okay." Raph raised his hands in surrender. "I'm going to bed. You should too by the looks of it. After my bike is finished, of course."

Donnie grunted.

"And Donnie?"

"Hm?"

"Who exactly are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?"

Donatello didn't have an answer.

~•~

Everything hurt. From the depths of her scaly toes, to her ferocious gaping mouth.What was she? She didn't know anymore. A monster? A freak? Any humanity she had left, was a clouded memory and there was no turning back. She struggled to move, still becoming accustomed to her new features. Four legs were harder to maneuver than two, but she made do.

She slivered across the murky water, pains in her stomach growling from lack of proper food. She couldn't recall the last time she had a warm meal. She lifted her head, silver grey eye slits opening. . In what she lost, her human form, her hair, and sense of a normal life- she had gained quite a few things too. A keen sense of smell, for one. Her eyesight had improved too. She had also gained an olive green tail, which helped with her balance.

'As long as I don't need those pesky glasses anymore.' She thought to herself bitterly.  Those horrid things were the cause of her harassment when she was a human. Now she would have the last laugh. They would cower in fear if they saw what she looked like now.

Her stomach grumbled again.

But yet...those turtles she encountered. So tasty looking...so delectable. They would satisfy her pain.

She stared at the mutant's reflection. It blinked when she blinked. It moved its tail when she flicked it.

This was her life now. She might as well make the most of being a monster.

She had work to do.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #343

“i slither like a viper and get you by the neck  /  i know a thousand ways to help you forget about her”

What's your favorite kind of bear? I don't really know. I just like bears. Have you ever sent a FWD because you were afraid? Ha, yup, as a little kid. Would you ever date more than one person at a time? Nooooo sir. Have you ever rebounded... or been someone's rebound? No. What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? My grandmother cursed me the fuuuuck out one night as a kid because I was in a mood and didn't tell my mother goodnight. I still remember being called an ungrateful bitch with her like an inch from my face, and admittedly, I was being rude because I wanted to go home, but it kinda scarred me for life. For the remainder of her life, I was always sort of on edge around her and was convinced she didn't like me. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? I've been through lots of hurricanes. None that massively affected my life, though. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Venus is a snake, so she obviously doesn't get food meant for humans. Roman is very well-trained to not beg or make a move for people's food; he tried once as a kitten, and giving him a pop taught him right away. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? The car. Mom's, specifically. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? No, but I wish. :( Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? NOOOOOOO. What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? Mom is *always* right, pretty much indisputably. And she WILL have the last word. Dad, meanwhile, can be pretty rude to people. I don't think he realizes it half the time, but still. It's not an excuse. What is your main source of anxiety? Social interactions. What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? Pokemon. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never tried sparkling water. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't have a favorite, considering I don't wear it nearly enough and have never even bought my own. I just use whatever Mom buys. What are some female names you would name a baby? Alessandra is my favorite for sure. I also love Anneliese, Justine, Evelyn, Chloe, Evangeline, Quinn... There's a lot. What about male? Severin is my favorite, and I also like Damien, Vincent, Victor, and Luther. Do you have any subscription boxes? No. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? I want a dragon, goddammit. Idc if it can breathe fire ok I want a dragon. Ewoks are also the one and only thing I enjoy from Star Wars. What kind of dwelling do you live in? Just a one-story house. Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? N/A Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? PLEASE adopt, especially with cats and dogs, given the number of strays. Purebreds tend to have so many underlying issues, and besides, it's just a LOT of money for an animal that probably wouldn't outlive a mutt. Don't feed the machine if you can. What's your favorite chain restaurant? The Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden. Why were you last pulled over? I’ve never been pulled over before. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Just kinda swam around a bit in the ocean. It was so warm, totally like a bath. I do NOT miss that sun poisoning, though. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? I think I'd do it if someone invited me to, and the lake didn't look filthy, of course. Do you have a drone? No. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? We have this tiny, local Mexican place that's really good. I don't know the name of it, and I wouldn't share it for obvious reasons. What do you order from there? Chips and salsa of course, along with a shrimp and cheese quesadilla, and finally their cheesy rice. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Depending on my mood, it bounces between vanilla with chocolate syrup or just plain chocolate. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I used to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's podcast, but I'm like... ten months behind, haha. What's something someone calls you that you find endearing? I like "love" a lot. What's your favorite children's book? I loved books like The Rainbow Fish, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Stellaluna, 10 Minutes 'til Midnight, What Makes a Rainbow?, Chrysanthemum, etc. Is there a new season for a series you're excited to come out? Meerkat Manor comes back this summer, and I am fucking HYPED. How old are you? I'm 25. What is something unique you enjoy about the one you like/love? I tease her about it all the time, but it's really cute that she keeps all of her snakes' good sheds in her room. Proud reptile mom. Are you more liberal or conservative? I'm close to the middle, but I lean towards being more liberal, and I seem to go more that way with time. Do you watch American Horror Story? I used to. I saw the entire first season and really liked it, and then I almost finished the second, but I lost interest. The story got a bit stupid imo. I'd be willing to watch other seasons, though. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? None that I’m aware of. The people there are scary enough. What's the scariest nightmare you remember having? Let's not talk about it. Are you medicated? Uh very. Are there any apps you're addicted to? Nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? It was initially a bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket, then it become a moose I got from Cabela's when in Ohio. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Only meerkat ones. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Haha I've worn Jason's pj pants before and they just kinda... became mine, lol. What's the last movie you watched at home? The Shining, I believe. What's the last movie you watched in theaters? The CGI remake of The Lion King. I still don't get why it was received so badly. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? I don't think so, no. If you do drink, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas, generally. However, Sara's dad made me this absofuckinglutely incredible chocolate drink before that tasted like a milkshake. It had like, no alcohol flavor, which worked out well for me considering I very much dislike that taste. Are there any songs you've been listening to repetitively lately? There's a new one every day lately, haha. Today it's Halocene's cover of "Love Bites (So Do I)." Cereal, granola, or oatmeal? Cereal. What TV shows did you grow up watching? You gotta gimme an age group... but I'd say the typical stuff for kids of that time. What does your phone case look like? It's just a boring purple that came with it. What were your favorite toys to play with as a child? I looooved playing with my "family" of a father crocodile, a mother deer, their two "children" (a fawn and smaller croc), and "friends" that were little Pokemon figurines. Then there was an evil t-rex with two stupid sidekicks, haha. I can't remember what dinosaurs they were. What's the most embarrassing thing you can ever remember doing? Hold on, lemme find my book. Do you remember what you dreamt about last night? I only very faintly recall dreaming about my cat Roman. Have you ever done anything embarrassing in a dream? Thank FUCK they're just dreams. Do you vape? Nah. What was a song you loved as a child? So uh. Apparently. I loved "Dookie" by Green Day. It's an undying story from Mom about how it came on once at a putt-putt place and I apparently started yelling "dookie!" and dancing. Do you enjoy the Arctic Monkeys? Yeah, I love some of their songs. Are you going to see Finding Dory? You bet your sweet ass I saw it. I've cried everytime I've watched it. Have you ever been horseback-riding? I have not, but I would love to. When was your last piercing? Whenever I got my tragus done, which I can't remember. What did your first crush look like? I don't remember my puppydog love first crush, but I can talk about my first REAL crush, Sebastian. He's a skinny dude with short, brown hair and a lip piercing... I can't remember which kind. He dressed in an emo style, and Facebook pictures at least suggest he still kind of does, I think. Is your body more curvy or flat? Well, I'm not at all skinny, so... What's your least favorite holiday? Probably Christopher Colombus Day, honestly. You didn't discover shit. Don't pretend to me it's worth celebrating in a clean conscience. if you’re having a boring day what do you usually do? If I'm rock-bottom bored, quite honestly, I normally nap, even though I know I shouldn't. Do you turn to food when you're upset? Ugh, I'm admittedly an emotional eater. I got way better about it, and then I started up again. Is your bf/gf good with your parents? I don't have an s/o. Do you think soda should be served at school? Vending machines are fine I suppose, as I don't believe they should be free seeing as they're nothing but sugar content, and I feel schools shouldn't just hand that out to kids at lunch or something. Do dogs have feelings? They sure do. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them. I respect snakes and am going to give wild ones their space for sure considering I don't recognize every native venomous one, but nevertheless, I'm not afraid of them. They are so vital to the ecosystem and are incredibly fascinating animals that deserve our protection. On that note, PLEASE do not kill any snake you come across in your shed or whatever. Call someone to relocate the terrified thing. Favorite snack? It depends on what I'm in the mood for, really. Ever seen The Notebook? Read the book, seen the movie plenty of times. Do you think cussing is trashy? No. Who is the most famous person you’ve met, if any? Nobody. Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? No. Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? No. Do you like gore? Yeah, generally. Do you like to drink water? Ugh, I really don't. I wish I did. Have you ever had a wax? I used to get my eyebrows waxed. Do you have any sets of matching bras and underwear? No. Are you any good at improv? Not at ALL.

[justgottafinishthischapter]

Making a Fictional Language

So you’re writing a story where you want to create a fictional language. That’s great. Only problem is, you’re not quite sure how to go about it. Fear not, I have a few tricks up my sleeve that I use myself when constructing a language. Now of course, before we can discuss how to build a conlang, it’s worth mentioning what a conlang is.

The term “Conlang” is short-hand for Constructed Language. What this means is that the language is fully realized and fully formed with proper grammar, an expansive dictionary, and could theoretically be learned and used in day-to-day conversation. A Conlang is not a real language. It doesn’t exist in our real world. But it’s well formed enough that it could be learned and spoken with a wide reach of use. Examples of Conlangs include Klingon, High Valyrian, Dothraki, and Na’vi. There are some lesser forms of Conlangs such as Functional Languages. That is, languages that exist only to say a few words. Before being turned into an official language for the show, Valyrian had very few words. It was the job of a linguist to construct a language around the fundamentals that George established in his books. Another example is Atlantean from the Disney movie Atlantis: the Lost Empire. There is just as much Atlantean as needed for the script and nothing else, and if you wanted to learn the Atlantean word for fire, you’ve gotten your hopes up for nothing. Some are also simply text-based, such as Hylian in the Legend of Zelda. It uses different symbols, but it all directly translates to the Japanese language, making it just a re-skinned version of Japanese.

So, how does one actually build a conlang? Honestly, a good first step is to do some research on Phonetics. But the crash course is this: a Phoneme is the simplest sound you can make. There’s an international phoenetic alphabet (IPA) that you can find tons of online. Every distinct sound made by human language has a specific symbol to represent the sound. Learning to read these symbols and the sounds they make will make it easier to find sound links between words. Now, let’s get to the actual methods and the steps involved.

Method 1: The Library

You may have heard of a Sound Library before. For sound technicians, a sound library is a database of sound effects and noises they can Foley into film projects. Building a language can work the same way. In the Librarian method, look through the list of IPA and look for the sounds you want to use in your language. Think about the tone of the language, and whether you’re looking for something softer or harsher, and the kind of culture the people have. Once you have your library of phonemes, it’s just a question of how you want to go about forming words. You could roll die to decide syllables and which sounds to use, you could play it by ear, you could compare to languages you want to sound like. The main appeal of this method is that it creates a great consistency with the sound of a language.

Method 2: The Language Blender

You know you want your language to sound coarse and rough but you’re not sure how to make it sound that way? A good method I like using is taking common words that your world would use, such as Fire or Sun, and translate it into about 3-5 languages that fit the sound you’re trying to invoke. Once you have all of your words translated, you have two paths. Option 1: Find the middle ground. If 3/5 of your words had the letters ma next to each other, chances are, that’s a good pair of letters to carry over to your own language. Option 2: Take your real life languages and put them through the Language Mixer on Chaoticshiny.com. A major benefit of this method is systematically learning words in other languages, and even seeing the etymological roots that tie languages together. The one downside of this language building format is that you may end up with words that don’t mix well together, or as they mix, you find that the sounds of the words don’t tend to mesh well, so it’s important to have a Base Language, the root language you build your fictional language around. No matter what, include at least part of the translation from this language, and you’ll be more grounded in your approach. 

Method 3: The Root System

This is a conlang creating system I learned from Artifexian on Youtube, and I’ll link the video he made right [here] if you want to see it for yourself. He has a lot of great world building videos and I love his content, so don’t be shy about giving him your likes and support because he talks about a lot of the world building aspects people tend to gloss over, myself included. What this method does is it focuses on forming root words that then lead into forming other words.

This is a root system language sheet I designed based on my own fantasy world. In their culture, running water is associated with healing and cleaning because it carries off dirt and other foul things and wipes them away. For this reason, rivers have associations with cleanliness, healing, and life. And this is something worth keeping in mind when building your own language. How does the culture itself interact with the word you are describing? For instance, the reason we say “vandalize” to mean to destroy someone else’s property is because of the Vandal barbarians that plagued Europe during the last legs of the Roman Empire. Heck, the term Flanderize isn’t even that closely linked to the Simpsons, but it emerged as a result of Ned Flanders’ character becoming stock and one-note, which led to the creation of the term. When it comes to actually building the dictionary, this can be a really useful step. So, for example, let’s say the word for River in my language was Asar. A boatman might be Asarii, much like how we have work and worker, fight and fighter, dance and dancer, the suffix of -ii denotes someone who does the root term, in this case, they go on the river. Meanwhile, a fisher could be Asarakii, having Asar mean river, -ak as a suffix for a thing living in the river, and the -ii as a suffix for those who catch the things that live in the river. And for something more abstract like River of Time or River of Stars, you might get something like Asarag Talari.

UNIVERSAL CONLANG TIPS

Keep in mind the people the language exists for. if you’re creating a conlang for dragons, reptiles don’t have lips, so the labial sounds of [p], [b], [f], [v], and possibly even sounds that require lip shaping such as [o], [u], and [w] might not fit the creatures that need to be speaking. Furthermore, if the culture exists before global communication and they live next to the ocean, chances are, they won’t have a word for camel, desert, or sandstorm unless it’s a desert port city. This is why Dothraki has words for every kind of horse and no word for thank-you.

Remember that certain sounds can be switched around. Throughout human language, I’ve learned that certain letters can easily be switched out for each other, and this is in part due to linguistics history. Most of the letters that can be exchanged I actually realized while studying Grimm’s Law and the evolution of language, and by looking at Welsh in particular. In Welsh, the way to write a [f] sound is to write it as ff. When just one f is by itself, it becomes [v]. The sounds of [d], [t], [θ], and [ð] share a similar connection, as do [k] and [g], [ʃ] and [ꭓ], and [b] and [p]. So changing between these similar sounds could prove to be a useful strategy for mixing up your language.

You absolutely have to create a grammar system or you’re going to make a huge mess. That means word order, syntax, suffixes, tense, conjugation, and whatever else is needed. If it helps, learn how another language conjugates its terms. In Sumerian, the phrase “I am your king” is Lugdalzuimen. Lugdal means King, zu is your, and imen means “I am”. So word order is Object Possessive Subject. Then in the phrase Sesguene imes means “they are my brothers”. In actual word order it translates out as “brother my -s they are”. Now we see that the word order is Object Possessive Pluralization Subject. In the phrase Dumuninlagasakak, it becomes child queen Lagas of of. Meaning child [queen of Lagas] of or Child of the Queen of Lagas. By understanding how this language structures itself, something like the phrase River of Stars I made earlier could now be broken down to be something like Asartalariag (River Star -s of). I find it helps in this case to word it as “River star many of” to get “river of many stars” to figure out when the pluralizing suffix would be applied.

Resources:

Wiktionary.com

Chaoticshiny.com

http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/definitionlookup (for all of your ancient greek translation needs. Set it to Latin transliteration)

http://www.abair.tcd.ie/?lang=eng (because Google Translate doesn’t sound out Irish words)

https://www.wordreference.com/enfr/ (it’s set English to French, but it has a lot of languages, and it’s great because it also teaches you slang uses of words.)

[probablyevilrpgideas]

On Dragons, Reptiles, Dragonpeople, and Boobs

A lot of people draw dragon-related races with boobs. Particularly dragonborn and kobolds. This is because they’re drawing pictures for humans, usually in western culture, and for a predominantly cisgender and heterosexual demographic(1), and for western cishet demographics, boobs are a handy shorthand for “this character is a woman.”

A lot of people decry dragonpeople with boobs, because dragons are reptiles and reptiles don’t have boobs.

This seems pretty damned straightforward, right.

But...

Are dragons reptiles? They have scales, and they lay eggs. So they’re reptiles, right?

Well... pangolans and armadillos have scales, and echidnas and platypuses lay eggs. But they’re mammals.

But they’re exceptions!

Well... dragons, at least those in D&D, don’t have particularly reptilian bodies. Their bodies are much more mammalian. At best, dragons have bodies like theropod dinosaurs. And those are more like birds than reptiles.

Well birds don’t have boobs, either!

Ok, sure. And dragons have wings! Maybe they’re weird birds!

Well... I mean that’s an option, and a cool one, and wyverns definitely work as weird birds!

But... here’s the thing.

Reptiles, birds, and mammals are all examples of what is known as Tetrapoda. Tetrapoda is a superclass of animals that means four limbed.

Dragons, you may note, are generally depicted as having either no limbs, six limbs, or more than six limbs. This is why in the Pern series, dragons are actually arthropods. But my point is, dragons aren’t reptiles, any more than they’re birds or mammals. They’re, if anything, part of an entirely fictional superclass for creatures with six limbs and a vertabral column(2). Lets call it Vertahexapoda.

In addition, dragons are usually depicted as warm-blooded, which most reptiles are not, and most mammals are(3). Dragons are usually not depicted as suckling their young, but dragon parenting habits are very rarely particularly explicitly shown. And the rare depictions of dragon parenting are far from universally agreed upon. Some depictions of dragons show them as distant parents, like reptiles (mostly) are, and some depict them as very protective and involved parents, as mammals (mostly) are.

So... what we’re left with is that dragons have traits of both reptiles and mammals, and there are mammals who have the major salient “reptilian” traits we see in dragons. And we know that dragons cannot be reptiles, at least in the way we think of reptiles in our world. Finally, there are plenty of creatures in Dungeons and Dragons that combine traits of animals from different classes--the gryphon and owlbear, for instance, are both part mammal and part bird, and in modern science, birds are, essentially, weird reptiles. So dragons would be far from the only mammal-reptile hybrids in D&D.

That’s all to do with dragons, not dragonpeople. But, well, dragon people are people with dragon traits, or perhaps more accurately, dragons in people form. So... dragonpeople are probably, more or less, whatever dragons are, taxonomy-wise.

So there are three outcomes from this--

First, dragons are their own, six-limbed thing, definitely not reptiles as we think of them, however much they may resemble them.

Second, dragonpeople probably have some anatomical structure that is analogous to wings. Most likely, these are small spurs on the shoulders, like some snakes have pelvic spurs that are the remnants of the hind legs. These could be easily overlooked as just horns or spikes.

Third, it’s a game. Do what you want! If you want kobolds with boobs, science sure can’t say a damned thing about it!

Or so they think. I’m curious as to the exact breakdown of D&D player identity and orientation these days

I’d call them Hexapods, but that’s already the name of the phylum to which Insects belong, and its specifically a phylum of invertebrates.

Technically all mammals are warm blooded, but there are some varieties that are warm blooded in a way that... isn’t what we think of when we think of warm blooded animals.

[man-creates-dinosaurs]

SPOOKY PALEONTOLOGY: THE (OC)CULT OF NESSIE One reason I haven’t been blogging as much here is that I’ve been busy with various academic projects including two book chapters, submissions for conference presentations, serving as a member of the steering committee for this year’s Religion and Monsters panel at the AAR, getting the long awaited second installment of Scholars Talking Toku up, and preparing to start applying for PhD programs at the end of the year.

One of the books I recently contributed to is tentatively titled “Paranormal and Popular-Culture” and should be coming out from Routledge early next year. The volume was conceived and edited by Darryl Caterine and John W. Morehead. My contribution was a chapter on the intersection of cryptozoology and science-fiction in which I endeavored to show that the central aims and obsessions of cryptozoology (i.e. the discovery of monstrous creatures alive in the world today) can be found to have originated in the realm of fantastic fiction.

My original draft for this chapter was over 11,000-words and had to be drastically reduced at the behest of the publisher (actually the entire book had to be shortened apparently). So I decided I could make use of some of that research here on my blog and just in time for Halloween. In this case I want to talk about lake monsters. Spooky lake monsters. Specifically the Loch Ness Monster.  

Though reports of a monster living in Loch Ness don’t begin until 1933 the idea of such a creature dwelling somewhere within the British Isles can be found in The Lair of the White Worm; a horror novel by Dracula author Bram Stoker originally published in 1911 by Rider and Son of London with interior color illustrations by Tarot Card artist Pamela Colman Smith. In 1925 an abridged version of the novel was issued, losing more than 100 pages and 12 chapters.

Set in Derbyshire, England The Lair of the White Worm concerns Australian transplant Adam Salton who has traveled to meet his great-uncle, Richard Salton, as Adam is destined to become the heir of the family estate. As Adam quickly learns, however, high strangeness of various kinds is at work in the surrounding countryside including the death of livestock, mysterious black snakes slithering about, a child with vampire-like bite marks on her neck, hostile pigeons, and the mysterious Arabella March who lives nearby in a house located in Diana’s Grove; an area known to have once been the center of pagan religious rites.

Eager to get to the bottom of these various mysteries, Richard introduces Adam to his friend Sir Nathaniel de Salis; who fulfills the Van Helsing role in this novel of occult scholar. In Chapter 5, “The White Worm,” Sir Nathaniel fills Adam in on the various legends concerning Diana’s Grove including that it is the lair of a monstrous albino serpent or dragon; what the Anglo-Saxon’s called a ‘wyrm,’ hence the novel’s title. When Adam displays some skepticism about such tales Sir Nathaniel informs him that…

“A glance at a geological map will show that whatever truth there may have been of the actuality of such monsters in the early geologic periods, at least there was plenty of possibility.  In England there were originally vast plains where the plentiful supply of water could gather.  The streams were deep and slow, and there were holes of abysmal depth, where any kind and size of antediluvian monster could find a habitat.  In places, which now we can see from our windows, were mud-holes a hundred or more feet deep.  Who can tell us when the age of the monsters which flourished in slime came to an end? There must have been places and conditions which made for greater longevity, greater size, greater strength than was usual.  Such over-lappings may have come down even to our earlier centuries.” (p. 187 in Penguin Classic’s Dracula’s Guest and Other Weird Tales, 2007)

Here we see that Sir Nathaniel is something of a proto-cryptozoologist and like his 20th-Century contemporaries advances the idea that the menacing white worm, like Nessie, is a prehistoric holdover who has somehow managed to survive for millions of years in the supposedly “abysmal depths” of the United Kingdom’s many lakes and lochs. Of course, the novel ends with the revelation that the worm is real and dwells in a pit beneath Arabella March’s home in Diana’s Grove where March worships and feeds the beast who in turn appears to endow her with evil supernatural powers. Ultimately, Adam is able to dispatch the monster via the handy combination of dynamite and a well-placed lightning bolt.

In 1988, English filmmaker Ken Russell (1927-2011) filmed a theatrical adaptation of The Lair of the White Worm. Russell’s version actually puts more emphasis on the story’s latent paleontological elements. Rather than being set in the early 20th-Centrury the story is moved up to the present day (i.e. 1980s) and Adam Salton is recast as Angus Flint (Peter Capaldi; the Twelfth Doctor); a Scottish archaeologist excavating the site of a Roman era Christian convent in Derbyshire. Among the ruins Flint discovers what appears to be the skull of a dinosaur! The locals connect the skull to the legend of the d'Ampton wyrm, said to have been slain in Stonerich Cavern by John d'Ampton, the ancestor of current Lord of the Manor, James d'Ampton (Hugh Grant of Four Weddings and a Funeral [94] and Bridget Jones’s Diary [2001]). Flint attends a party at d’Ampton Manor where he meets James and the audience is treated to a rocking rendition of the legend of the d’Ampton wyrm (based on the real-life legend of the Lambton Worm).

Stonerich Cavern is connected to the home of the enigmatic Lady Sylvia Marsh (Amanda Donohoe) who steals the skull from Flint and also abducts his girlfriend Eve. While a symbiotic relationship between Marsh and the White Worm is only hinted at in Stoker’s novel, it is explicit in Russell’s film with Marsh assuming the form of a silver-skinned serpentine vampire who’s appearance I would have to guess was inspired by the look of a similar monster seen in Hammer’s The Reptile (1966, dir. John Gilling). It is soon revealed that Marsh is the immortal priestess of an ancient pre-Christian snake god named Dionin whose next sacrifice is going to be Eve. In order to rescue his girlfriend and expunge the evil from the countryside Flint enlists the aid of James and the two mount an assault on Marsh and Dionin.  

For most cryptozoology enthusiasts, Nessie is believed to be an extant plesiosaur which somehow survived the K–Pg extinction event some 66-million-years ago. As a result the idea of Nessie being related to anything like the subject of Stoker’s The Lair of the White Worm – with its occult evil, secret cults, human sacrifice and vampires – may seem strange indeed. However at least one noted Nessie research drew just such a circle of connections around the Loch Ness Monster. That man was Fredrick William Holiday (1921–1979).

Like most Nessie researchers, Holiday started out proposing that Nessie was a prehistoric survivor. Not a plesiosaur but rather a Tully Monster (Tullimonstrum gregarium); a genus of soft-bodied bilaterian that lived during Late Carboniferous period some 323.2 million-years-ago to 298.9 million-years-ago and whose fossil remains were discovered in Illinois in the late 1960s. The exact nature of the Tully Monster is actually a source of great paleontological controversy which you can learn about here. Like all cryptozoologists expounding prehistoric survivor paradigm theories Holiday was at a loss to explain how the warm water Tully Monster had survived hundreds of millions of years in a cold lake on the other side of the world. He also had the not insignificant problem that the fossils of Tully Monster indicated that its maximum size was about 14-inches, pretty puny for the Loch Ness Monster. Nevertheless, Holiday put forth his Tully Monster theory in his 1968 book The Great Orm of Loch Ness; “orm” being another variation on “wyrm.”

However, as Holiday continued to research the Loch Ness Monster he began noticing strange things happening to him. This included his camera always malfunctioning whenever he tried to take a shot of Nessie, glimpses of mysterious orbs of light, apparent UFO sightings and experiences of missing time. As a result by the early 1970s Holiday ceased promoting the idea that Nessie was a Tully Monster and started claiming that it was a supernatural entity that was both the basis of ancient dragon legends and somehow connected to UFOs; hence the title of his second book: The Dragon and the Disc (1973). This trend in Holiday’s research continued and by the late 70s Holiday was apparently wrapped up in all kinds of occult phenomena and evidently claiming that Nessie was the object of reverence of a secret dragon cult practicing human sacrifice hidden in the surrounding Inverness environs. All this prompted Holiday’s final book The Goblin Universe (published in 1986, after his death) which was co-authored with sci-fi writer Colin Wilson; author of The Space Vampires (1976), which was later turned into the film Lifeforce (1986) directed by Tobe Hooper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist) and scripted by Dan O’Bannon (Alien). You want a crazy Halloween double-feature? Watch Russell’s The Lair of the White Worm and Hooper’s Lifeforce back-to-back.   

[admhawthorne]

The Argument

The first few days of living with a tiny dragon were novel. Learning what foods to feed it and trying to understand the unique needs a creature that, although reptilian looking, didn’t share much in the way of biology with reptiles as I knew them, was both interesting and frustrating.

The dragon, for its part, was equally frustrated with what it considered my complete ineptitude at doing anything marginally correctly with regard to just about everything I set out to undertake. By day five, I was certain the Universe was punishing me for my lack of recycling by forcing me to live with the most unpleasant presence I’d known since moving out of the house and away from my overbearing family.

I’d managed to live overbearing presence free for near a decade, and the little creature sleeping under my sofa and eating all my groceries was making up for lost cosmic time.

“You know, the least you could do when you leave for work in the morning is to make sure I can reach the TV remote.” I saw it sitting on the sofa and rolled my eyes at its over irritation.

“You’re still here? I thought you were looking for a way back to your own dimension. What happened to that?” I placed my keys on the hook by the door and proceeded to slowly go through my daily routine.

“Well, if you’d learn how to use your magic, I could be home already.” It jumped down from the sofa and followed me into the bedroom. It climbed up my bed so it could continue to chastise me as I changed into my home clothes and cleaned up from my twelve hour work day. “All you need to do is learn to focus. Why is that so hard?”

I stumbled out of my slacks and almost face planted into the floor of my closet. I was very much disappointed that I hadn’t knocked myself unconscious. It would’ve saved me from this tired dialogue. “Must we do this again? Look, I’ve tried. I’ve done everything you’ve told me to do, and the most I’ve managed to conjure up is gas. Why can’t you just do whatever is you did to get yourself pulled into this dimension?”

It grumbled under its breath. “I’ve already told you that I can’t do that.”

“Yeah, but you won’t tell me why, and, honestly, I’m starting to think the reason you won’t tell me is because you messed something up. In fact,” I pulled my night shirt on and stepped back out of the closet, closing the door behind me and then leaning on as I faced my bed, “I think you have no idea how to get yourself back, and you’re just hedging your bets that I might somehow, miraculously, develop magical abilities so that I can figure out how to get you back.”

“Don’t be absurd,” it snorted in my direction, little curls of smoke spiraling from one nostril. “I’ve already told you I know how to get me back there, and I’ve told you why I can’t be the one to do it.”

“Yeah, you told me in vague, nonspecific terms, but there’s a lot you haven’t told me, and I’d like to know why. If you’re this knowledgeable being, what’s the harm in answering my questions? It’s not like I’m going to go around blabbing your secrets. Who the hell would believe me even if I did?” I threw a hand up in exasperation and started toward the bathroom.

“I’ve answered everything you’ve asked,” it declared as it scrambled across my bed to follow my direction toward the next room. Grunting, it tripped over a pillow and landed muzzle first into the comforter where I’d left it in a heaping pile that morning after smacking the alarm and cursing myself until I rolled begrudgingly out of bed.

“Like hell,” I replied with a snort of my own. The small bathroom was overly lit from giant, incandescent bulbs the apartment management had decided would give the room a hip, fresh feel when they renovated the building a few years prior to me moving in. In actuality, every time I turned the light on after being in the darker parts of the apartment, it was as if a giant, bleeding wound had opened in space-time, and the light coming directly from the sun was flooding into my very tiny bathroom.

Much to my bemusement, the bright lights seemed to bother the dragon more than me, which also gave me a deep-seated feeling of justice. It buried its head under the comforter pile and yelled at me in a muffled voice, “What does that mean, human?”

“It means,” I exasperatedly answered as I pulled out some aspirin, “that you won’t even tell me your name, how old you are, your sex… if gender is even a thing for dragons …what your home is like, if you have a family or loved ones, anything about magic from where you come from, or even something as simple as how long you’ve actually been in my dimension. I mean, is it because you’re intentionally being a shit? Is it because you don’t think I’m smart enough to understand? Is it… hell, I don’t know… is it because you don’t know? Why? Why is it you won’t talk to me?”

I walked out of the bathroom and back to the kitchen. I could hear its claws hit my faux wood floor and then scurry into the kitchen to climb up the cabinet. It settled into its normal place on the bar and silently watched me as I took the pills and then began making dinner. “Has it occurred to you that I have no interest in being your friend?”

“Yes.” Tonight would be stir fry. ”I’m not really trying to be your friend, but knowing something about you might help me understand what you actually need from me.”

The muscles along its back flexed as its tail twitched with irritation, and the color on its scales glistened between the most beautifully deep blue I’d ever seen and the prettiest black. “You know nothing of what I need.”

“Yeah, I get that,” I replied dejectedly.

“You have to understand that, where I come from, humans and dragons,” it hesitated long enough for me to look up from my cooking. I found it looking down at its claws as if it had never seen them before. Sighing, it seemed to come to some conclusion, and, when it looked up, it met my eyes with a tiredness I had problems grasping. “Humans and dragons,” it began again, slower this time as it carefully thought over its words, “are not allies in my dimension. We aren’t enemies, either, but we don’t trust each other. There’s an uneasy alliance between the magical creatures of the dimension, such as myself, and the humans because humans shouldn’t be able to use magic. The fact that some can has led many of my kin to think that maybe humans are doing something,” it dipped it’s head by way of saying that the right would was difficult to find, “unnatural or, perhaps, unholy in order to obtain the ability, and there are many humans who seem to think my kin are intentionally withholding secrets to keep humans from progressing magically, so there’s a lot of suspicion between us.”

“I see.” I stopped cooking so I could focus on this new information, trying to understand how that applied to me and this situation we both found ourselves in. “And do you think I’m unnatural or unholy? You certainly seem to think I have magic.”

“You do have magic. Dragons have the ability to see auras. Those who possess the ability to use magic have a very specific color to their aura. You have it. No one else I saw in this dimension does.” I crossed my arms and silently waited for it to continue. “And… I don’t think you’re unnatural or unholy. I’ve never thought humans were anything but what they are. Actually,” it paused again, considering, before sighing disappointedly at itself and continuing, “some dragons have the ability to turn into humans. Well, the ability to look human, anyway, so I’ve always assumed it made sense that some humans could use magic.”

“Like, maybe there was some interbreeding at some point?” The whole concept of a dragon/human hybrid was so high fantasy fiction that I was starting to consider taking notes because there was a bestselling book practically writing itself with each new thing I was learning.

It nodded. “I’ve had that thought, but,” it shrugged, “humans don’t know about the dragons’ ability to shapeshift, and not all of us can.”

I stared at it for a long moment trying to size up what it wasn’t telling me. There was definitely more going on here. “Can you?”

“In my own dimension, yes I can, but I can’t here. My magic is weak here.” It lowered its head and glanced around the room, the usual fight in its eyes dying out. “I can’t get back home because I’m not strong enough.”

“Okay, look, we’re going to figure this out.” It sadly huffed, and I couldn’t help but feel bad for it. “We are. You just have to have some faith, and, in the meantime, would it hurt for you to throw me a few bones here? I mean, I am working stupid long hours and then coming home to feed your butt. The least you could do is tell me your name. Why won’t you tell me your name?”

“Names have power,” it answered tiredly. “But, you’re right. I know your name.” It raised its head again to finally make eye contact again. “Selah Shah.” It tilted its head and seemed to consider me for a long moment.

“The likelihood of us both having the same exact name is pretty low,” I commented after waiting far longer than I thought was polite for it to continue on with its thoughts.

“You don’t know. That could be my name,” it replied with a brief, quiet chuckle, “but even I would have a hard time keeping a straight face on that one.” It sighed amusedly at the thought. “My name is Vaza.”

“I would say it’s a pleasure, but you’ve been living with me too long, and I’m sure you’d know I was lying.”

It chuckled again. “I have been giving you a hard time.” Nodding more to itself than me, it shifted to a more comfortable sitting position on the counter. “I’ll answer your questions if you’ll continue to cook. I haven’t eaten all day, and I’m really hungry.”

I nodded and picked up where I’d stopped making dinner. “So?”

“So, in answer to your earlier questions, I’ve been in your dimension for about two months. I found you when you were shopping and followed you home. It wasn’t hard to slip in through your front door as you were bringing things in from your car. I’m close to 500 years old, which in human years, is somewhere in my 30s. I’m female, but dragons actually have five different sexes. It gets complicated, so I’m going to pass on the details tonight. There are some in my brood still living, but we’re spread far apart and don’t often see each other. I had a loved one, but she… well …not everyone lives as long as a dragon.”

The sadness in Vaza’s voice made me wince, and I decided that, if she wanted me to know, I’d listen but I wouldn’t pry into that wound. It seemed fresh. The little dragon shifted a bit but continued, “My home dimension looks like a cross between several of your dimension’s ideas of how high fantasy middle ages should look but with the modern niceties of plumbing, electricity, and wifi.” She shrugged again. “It’s a weird combination, actually, and, as far as how I got here, well, I sort of…. Maybe… accidentally ….fell into an open portal that I may have possibly… completely not on purpose …accidentally opened because I touched something I may have been told by the human whose shop I was in that I shouldn’t touch.”

I glanced up from the stove and raised an eyebrow. “You’re in this mess because you’re an asshole?”

“Such elegance,” Vaza replied with a snort.

“Yeah, well, I understand how to… wait a minute.” Slowly, my brain had finally processed everything my little companion had told me, and now claxons and red lights were starting to flash. My brain was full-stop on red alert status. “Did you imply earlier I’m part dragon?”

“And so quick on the up-take, too!”