#or does this mean it sold so well that they wanted to sell it again? god i hope not

[locktobre]

how badly did Princess Adventure flop that they did this LMFAO

[shitouttabuck]

the same damn thing that made my heart surrender

buck/eddie | 1.4k | t

It’s quiet and late at the station, so Eddie can very clearly hear Buck dragging his feet across the loft from the kitchen to the couch, the sound such a specific combination of distracted and perturbed he already knows to expect the little crease between his eyebrows when he finally flings himself down beside Eddie.

“Ugh,” he says, frowning at his phone as he scrolls what seems to be Instagram.

Eddie hums indulgently, not taking his eyes off the newspaper crossword he pilfered from Hen earlier.

“Ugh,” Buck says again, much more pointed and with an additional nudge to Eddie’s shoulder.

“I’m listening. What, Buck.”

“Ever since that barbecue at Bobby and Athena’s last weekend I’ve been getting the weirdest targeted ads on my Insta,” he pouts, scrolling some more.

“Weird how?” Five letter word for estrangement, ending with T.

Buck huffs and turns on the couch to face Eddie, lifting one leg up onto the cushion and folding it under himself.

“Well, May was introducing me to her college roommate—who, by the way, was giving off way more than just roommate vibes, did you notice? Like, they were acting real cozy and she kept—never mind, sorry, not the point, what I was saying was she borrowed my phone to look up something in one of those online stores, I don’t know, I guess they’re trying to decorate their apartment with a specific aesthetic? Either way, ever since then the Instagram algorithm seems to think that I want to see—” He stops scrolling, lifting his phone and thrusting it emphatically in Eddie’s face, “—shit like this.”

Eddie blinks at the proximity of the bright screen to his face, putting down his pencil to gently move Buck’s hand back a bit so he can see properly.

On the screen is an ad for… a pale blue babydoll tee with the word BRAT screenprinted across the chest in curly pink letters.

Eddie blinks again, mind blissfully empty of synapses firing until Buck says, “See? Why does my phone think this is something I would be interested in purchasing. I mean, can you imagine?”

Eddie can. Eddie can imagine. But dear God, Eddie does not want to imagine. Because now the synapses are firing like some kind of mental train derailment of catastrophic proportions, and Eddie’s mind is conjuring images of Buck, his best friend Buck, squeezed into this skin-tight cotton tee, already tailored to be snug-fitted on much smaller bodies and so nothing short of straining at every seam when met with the bulge of Buck’s biceps, the graphic logo proclaiming BRAT probably distorted across his broad, meaty chest.

“There’s more,” Buck’s telling him, scrolling again. “Like, look at this.”

He stops on a post that seems to be selling tiny red booty shorts, the words SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWBOY emblazoned on the ass.

“I can’t wear shorts this short, my junk would fall out,” Buck grumbles to himself, scrolling once more for probably yet another advertisement whose only targeted goal is to ruin Eddie’s life, selling of wares be damned.

“I’m pretty sure those are women’s shorts,” Eddie says weakly, not thinking about Buck’s perky bubble butt clad in two-inch inseam booty shorts. Definitely not thinking about Buck disgruntledly tucking his dick so not to commit an act of public indecency—more so than the very donning of the shorts would count.

“Well, why doesn’t my algorithm know I’m a dude yet? If I’m being advertised this shit, at least let it be stuff I could plausibly buy for myself, you know?”

Eddie hums, only a little strangled. “So, you’d, uh, buy those shorts if they sold them in men’s sizes?”

Buck ignores him in favour of thrusting his phone at him again. “Look! This one and the next, keep scrolling.”

Eddie takes the phone from him, squinting at it. The first is another skin-tight babydoll tee, with the words GOOD GIRLS printed across the tits and the image of a swooping bird below.

“I don’t get it,” Eddie says, pausing over the post. “Good girls like birdwatching?”

Buck snorts, tips of his ears turning a little pink. “It’s a swallow.”

“Oh,” Eddie says. Then, “Oh.”

He scrolls to the next post as instructed. This one is a white t-shirt that says DON’T BULLY ME, I’LL CUM in red lettering, which—

“I’m either learning some—unforgettable things about you or about May, and honest to God, gun to my head, I don’t know which is worse,” he says faintly, tapping to the next post.

“Shut up, it’s not that fucking literal,” Buck grumbles, settling against the couch cushion more comfortably and watching Eddie scroll. “She was probably looking at some trendy Gen Z homeware or whatever and the algorithm saw the website and ran with it.”

“Mm, and you only started getting these ads after the barbecue? None of this is—your own digital footprint coming back to bite you in the ass?” Eddie grins as he passes a sponsored post for a vibrator brand.

“My digital footprint is not reflective of my sex life,” Buck huffs. “It’s not wrong, but it’s not—why the hell would I buy a tiny woman’s shirt that says BRAT across the chest?”

“Maybe because you—wait, it’s not wrong?” Once again, Eddie’s neurons stutter to an unexpected and horny stop. On the screen of Buck’s phone, his finger has halted over an ad for… jumbo-packs of lube, of all things. Eddie clears his throat. “Ooh, scandalous.”

“What?” Buck makes grabby hands for his phone.

Eddie passes it to him. “May really did mess up your algorithm. Also, I don’t know how I’m gonna look her in the eye at the next party.”

“Oh, uh,” Buck says, looking at the screen before turning off his phone. “No, that’s just. That’s just me, I think.”

Eddie wonders if his brain starting and stopping so frequently can result in permanent brain damage. He’s not sure he cares, because the resulting mental pictures—okay, some of that’s off-limits, always has been. Loving your best friend and respecting your best friend are not mutually exclusive, except, as it turns out, when you’re faced with the reminder that your best friend is having marathon anal sex with his—boyfriend, partner, whatever it is that Tommy is to him. Enough athletic and enthusiastic fucking to be getting ads for bulk-order lube on motherfucking Instagram.

He wonders if Tommy calls him that, calls him a brat and tells him he’s a good girl when he—

Wonders if Buck does like being bullied a little in bed—just teasing, Eddie would never—except it’s not Eddie, Eddie’s not involved in Buck’s love life, and what Eddie does need to do is shut down this line of thought before his strategically placed newspaper fails to hide that he’s half-hard at the thought of Buck in these ridiculously sexual innuendo themed women’s clothes.

“You’re not gonna finish that?” Buck nods to the folded crossword in his lap.

Eddie sucks in a breath through his teeth. “Uh. Sure.” He tilts the paper toward Buck, unwilling to hand it over completely. “Five letter for estrangement, ending in—”

“Split,” Buck says, nodding at the paper. “It’d fit with the P from apprise in ten down.”

“Oh,” Eddie peers at the crossword. “Yeah, it does. Thanks.”

“No problem. I’ve, uh. I’ve been thinking about it.”

“About estrangement?” Eddie asks distractedly, filling in the letters. “Four letter word for just around the corner?”

Buck fidgets beside him. “About—splitting. Specifically—me and Tommy?”

Eddie looks up at him so fast he nearly gets whiplash. His grip on the pencil falters, and it skitters across the loft floor.

“That’s—not true. We’ve already—a week or so ago. We’re still friends, don’t worry,” Buck rushes to tell him. “He just realised, like, with you and me—well, I guess he knew the whole time, but I just realised—the way that you and I—the way that it’s us—c’mon, Eddie.”

“What?” Eddie manages, hoarser than he’s heard himself before.

“Eddie.”

“What’re you saying, Buck?”

“Are you gonna make me spell it out?” Buck sighs. “If I got a pair of red booty shorts that spelled SAVE A FIRE ENGINE, RIDE A FIREFIGHTER across the ass, would that work?”

“Tommy’s a firefighter,” Eddie says weakly.

“Oh, fucking hell,” Buck mutters under his breath. “Fine, if they said SAVE A FIRE ENGINE, RIDE A FIREFIGHTER WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND AND PARTNER, would it work then?”

“That’s a lot of writing,” Eddie says, voice still faint. “You don’t have the real estate in the rear for all that.”

When Buck kisses him, exasperated groan crushed into Eddie’s mouth, Eddie knows this is the rest of it—the rest of knowing him entirely: real, endless, and with a convenient standing order for bulk-packaged lube without involving any nosy algorithms.

“Four letter word for just around the corner. Near. Soon. This.”

[porcelain-savior]

The Delicate Flower of Madame Kaji’s Brothel.

Spoilers!!

Backstory: Your husband, had sold you off to Madame Kaji for a good price, a large price. One, because of your looks. And two, because you are a virgin. Your father had made sure to keep you young and pure for your husband. Once you had met your husband, you didn’t want to have anything to do with him (or his small dick), so you completely refused for your husband to take your virginity. Which made your husband sell you off to Madame Kaji, to which she happily accepted. She had to state to many men that came by the brothel that you were off limits. You never understood why, and Madame Kaji didn’t tell you. She would say that it wasn’t the right time. To which now, many people would call you the ‘virgin of Madame Kaji’ or the ‘Delicate Flower of Madame Kaji’s House’.

Mizu and Madame Kaji were speaking together in the room where Mizu would be staying. Ringo was still out in the main area. The door to the room slides open, to which you walk in holding tea. “Ah, my flower.” Madame Kaji said, smiling as she waved you over to which you immediately go over and placed the tea down gently. Mizu glanced at you, before looking back at Madame Kaji. “This is Y/N.” Madame Kaji said, glancing at you. You were pouring in tea. You bowed your head slightly at Mizu. “She’s one of my special girls, my only special girl.” Madame Kaji said proudly. “What makes her special?” Mizu asked, raising an eyebrow. “Ah, well you see. She’s still a virgin. Some of the men around here call her the Delicate Flower of Madame Kaji’s house.”

Mizu’s eyes widened a little, before scoffing. “I’m not sure if I believe it.” She said. “A virgin? In a brothel?” “She’s off limits to everyone.” Madame Kaji said, smirking. “You’re free to go.” Madame Kaji said to you, smiling softly at you. You nodded, glancing at Mizu once again. Making eye contact. You got up, patting down your dark purple kimono, before leaving the room, sliding the door shut.

“What’s your main plan with her?” Mizu asked suddenly, frowning as she stared at Madame Kaji. Madame Kaji sighed. “I wish to have her get married, run off far away. I wish to not make her one of my girls. I want her to live a good happy life with a husband who will make her happy.” Madame Kaji confesses, looking down as she frowned. Mizu froze a little, glancing away. “Makes sense.”

You were growing bored, so you had decided to talk to man that you had saw who looked to be waiting, Ringo. “Hello.” You said, smiling softly as you sat across from him. “Hi! I am Ringo, rjn-go!” Ringo said happily, blushing as he stared at you with curiosity. “Nice to meet you, Ringo. I’m y/n. What brings you here?” You asked, titling your head to the side. “I’m traveling with my Master. Who is very strong and mean!” Ringo cheered. You thought of the man you saw with Madame Kaji. Before softly smiling. “Say, why don’t you tell me more about your Master?”

Mean while with Mizu and Madame Kaji.

“Does she know about your desire?” Mizu asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “No. She’s completely innocent. She had no idea.” Madame Kaji frowned, shaking her head. “There have been many men who know about this, and have tried to fight for her hand. None of them was for her taste, or mine. Perhaps I should I give up.” Madame Kaji said, sighing as she stood up. Mizu followed in suit, standing up has well and followed Madame Kaji out of the room. Before they both made their way to the main entrance.

You and Ringo had been talking, giggling. Men had been eyeing the whole time. Noticing how you were fully covered up. There was no skin of yours showing off. But Mizu couldn’t help but wonder what secrets you were hiding. “I see you two have been getting along.” Madame Kaji said, walking over to the two of you, gently patting your head. “Hi Master!” Ringo said, smiling happily as he stared at Mizu. Mizu only nodded, drawing her attention back at you. She noticed the way you were smiling, the way your eyes were shining. The way you had your hands on your knees. You’re back straight, hair down up and yet none of your neck was exposed. “Y/N. Should you be a doll and show out guests to their rooms and the bath room? The private one for them.” Madame Kaji said, looking down at you with a soft smile. You nodded, standing up so effortlessly. “Please, follow me.” You spoke softly, before walking off. Both Ringo and Mizu followed you.

“This is the bathroom, it’s private. So you won’t get interrupted.” You said, holding the door to the bathroom. There inside was a small hot tub, with towels onto of counters. You then showed them to their rooms. “My room is right down the hall, if you need anything. Please, just come knock.” You said, bowing as you smiled. Mizu was thinking, what if I needed you? But Mizu pushed towards feelings down. “Thanks.” Mizu said, frowning. “Thank you, Y/N!” Ringo cheered happily, before walking into the room. You giggled, glancing at Mizu, before you walked down the hall. You could feel Mizu’s eyes on your every move. Mizu’s eyes traveled up and down your body. She then, walked into her room.

Once you made it into your room, your face was completely red. You were giggling like a small child, covering your face. “What a cute guy..” You muttered, sitting on the small cot on the floor, still giggling.

“She’s pretty, right master?” Ringo asked, looking at Mizu. “I guess.” Mizu said, shrugging as she took off her hat and cloak. “I saw the way you stared at her, Master.” Ringo said, laughing. Mizu frozen, glaring at Ringo. “Shut it Ringo. How about you go have fun with those sluts?”

You came by Mizu’s room. Softly knocking on the door, before sliding it open. Mizu glanced behind her, raising an eyebrow. She was about to speak, but she saw it was you. So she stayed silent. You were holding a small tray with two bowls of soba. “Hey..” You said, sliding the door shut behind you. You placed the tray down. “Do you mind if eat with you?” You asked, glancing at her. Staring at the back of her head. Mizu sighed, before turning around and slowly nodding. “Thanks.” You said, smiling as you pushed one bowl towards Mizu. You began to eat the soba slowly. Mizu on the other hand was eating like she hadn’t eaten in weeks. To which she had ate anything in two days. You noticed the small little mess that she was making. You softly giggled, reaching over with a napkin and gently whipping her chin. “You must have been hungry..” You said, sitting back. Mizu grew embarrassed, but only shrugged. “Thank you for the food.” Mizu said, bowing her head. “Where’s your friend?” You asked, noticing how quiet it was. “He’s not my friend, he’s more like an annoying bug.” Mizu said, rolling her eyes. “I’m not sure, probably off with those girls.” She said, staring at you through her orange leans. “Annoying bug? That’s one way to put it.” You said, laughing a little. That made Mizu’s heart flutter slightly. “Good night.” You said, standing up, taking the trey, before leaving the room. “..fuck.”

The next day, Madame Kaji and Mizu were speaking once again. “I’ll do anything to know about the white men who was here when I was born.” Mizu said, getting straight to the point. “You must do something for me then.” Madame Kaji said, frowning. “Which is?” “Take y/n with you.” Madame Kaji said immediately. Mizu froze, before scoffing. “What? Why?” Mizu asked, raising an eyebrow. “She’ll be much more happy with you. She herself told me.” Madame Kaji said, sighing. You were listening from the other side of the door, along with Ringo. You and Ringo both looked at each other, before smiling widely. Then you both ran off to cause some trouble.

“I also need you to do another task for me.” Madame Kaji then explained the situation with Kinuyo, the deaf-mute girl. Mizu accepted.

“I’ll be back soon.” Mizu said to Ringo. Before Mizu left to go and kill Kinuyo. Ringo nodded happily, before going to chat with you. “Alright, Goodnight Ringo.” You said, before standing and walking back to your room. You had released that you hadn’t seen Mizu at all. You frowned, before settling down for the night. Completely unaware of what will happen.

a/n: THIS IS CLEARLY NOT PROOF READ. We are also gonna ignore the fact that Akemi isn’t in this. We are gonna pretend that she’s somewhere😭❤️

[hheckk]

Deep Dive into Alastor's Situation

So we all remember this bit in Finale, where Alastor has a breakdown about his situation and deal correct? He wants to find a loophole so he can be back in control.

I've seen a lot of theories regarding how Alastor is feeling in this moment and what his deal could involve, but thus far they've all sort of missed something crucial. Alastor's power.

Alastor is highly disturbed by the fact that he almost died, let alone dying to protect people. He is freaked out that the deal has made him do this, whether as part of the deal itself or as a means to get back some semblance of control he had before the deal was struck.

Either way, based on what he says in this moment about wanting to find a loophole in order to unclip his wings

: "The constraints of my deal surely have a back door. Once I figure out how to unclip my wings, guess who will be pulling all the strings"

We can hazard a guess and say that this deal, despite us initially believing gave him power, has probably actually taken it away. Having one's wings clipped usually entails that someone is on a leash and cannot fully extend themselves.

This means that Alastor, as well as being forced into helping the hotel, has had his power taken away.

Now I do not say this lightly, I also think that this is the case because of Alastor's fight with Adam.

We all know Alastor likes to be in control, and in order to be in control, one must not overestimate another without the possibility of the loss of that control. Now, you could say that is exactly what happened in his fight with Adam, but that wouldn't necessarily warrant the reaction toward his deal the way he does in the song. If that were the case, Alastor would likely be more angry at himself than be panicked about his deal.

Therefore, we can guess that Alastor did not overestimate Adam, but rather himself. This means that at some point, he quite possibly did have the power to take out an angel but does not anymore. The fact that he is so surprised that Adam broke his mic that we can hear his true voice means that he expected to be able to block that attack.

This all comes back to the idea that Alastor has lost power through whatever deal he made. Which in turn makes us ask the question:

What did Alastor get in return?

If he lost enough power to the point he thought he could beat Adam and couldn't, what did he want so badly that he felt the need to sell his soul and power away?

I have no idea

BUT, I have thoughts.

I have seen theories saying that perhaps Alastor made this deal while he was alive, and he sold his soul to gain power while living. This, while possible, doesn't necessarily match up with what we know about his character.

Alastor is conniving. He's brilliant. He's a serial killer. He knows and understands nuance like the back of his hand. With how much time he spent in hell (he died in the 30s and according to the wiki, Katie Killjoy died in 1992 ((Helluva Boss also takes place in the 21st century but we don't know yet if Helluva Boss is canon to Amazon's Hazbin Hotel)) Alastor would have had ample time to figure out loopholes in his deal.

No, his deal definitely happened at some point during his seven-year absence, likely near the end for the same reason as the previous. Which, again, all connects back to Lillith, which means our likely culprit for this deal is Lillith OR the person responsible for Lillith's disappearance if not Lillith herself.

This all brings us back to two questions:

What deal did Alastor make?

What did he gain from it?

[charlie-thewitch]

Chapter II

First

"What are you talking about" Shen Jiu hissed. He does not have the time nor the willingness to entertain this clearly delusional man more than he already has. Honestly, he probably shouldn't have freed his mouth if this is what's coming out of it.

"Gege I know it's been like 20 years or something but you couldn't have forgoten about me, could you? This breaks Didi's poor heart" Said the other, batting his eyelashes like a little mistress asking daddy for a new dress and it's making him sick. Fuck this. Fuck all of this.

"You don't even know my name and this one doesn't have any siblings, so shut up. I'll fucking leave you here if you say another stupid thing" Shen Jiu walks to the corpse of the fat man with a grimace. He would prefert to not do this but the prospect of ruining a nobles day by liberating "the merchandise" is too sweet to pass after all.

Taking the sleeve with just two fingers, Shen Jiu brings it up enough to search inside. Dropping on the ground the knickknacks the man inexplicably had inside. Well, the money he keeps. Shizun is too cheap with her disciples and inns are disgusting while brothels are expensive. He'll need a good night's sleep after this and his prey will be founding it.

"We didn't actually had names" With the keys in hand Shen Jiu walks to the largest cage he can see and passes his founding to the frightened woman inside. Only when she understands what to do and gets to work opening all the cages on sight does he turn around to the nuisance still tied and sitting on the dirty ground. "What?"

"When we lived with mother; we didn't have names. That man-" He said it with so much venom Shen Jiu could for a single moment believe they were siblings after all. "-never let her name us. He was planning on selling us from before we were even born so she 'shouldn't get attached'. She fought him, naturally, but Mother only could do so much... He took you first, I was too sick to be sold just yet"

Shen Jiu is marginally grateful the other slaves ran as soon as they were freed from the cages because he doesn't need reports of what he'll do to this bastard to reach Shizun. A murder outside of the permitted by the mission will look so bad on his already muddy reputation. "Good story, you should write a book" He deadpans.

"It's the truth!" The guy pouts, as if that helps his case at all and doesn't just make him look crazier. "Gege could easily prove we are related with a talisman, couldn't you? I know fancy cultivators have that type of tools just lying around!"

"You want me to believe you remember bullcrap from when 'we' were, what, 4 years old?" Shen Jiu said mockingly

"Gege isn't even denying he was a slave like me" A curious head tilt and Shen Jiu suddenly feels like he's missing something, again. He hates that feeling. "He knows deep down that this Didi is saying something important." That knowing look is pissing him off, but he can't deny felling the littlest bit curious. The guy stole his face, that's undeniable. And a sibling relationship could very well explain it.

But is he ready for the implications? Is he ready to have a family, a fucked up one he is sure, but, family?

Qi-ge Yue Qi used to call them brothers but that didn't stop him at the moment of betraying him for a better life. Is this guy actually interested in Shen Jiu or is this his ploy to be freed? He already saw Shen Jiu give the keys to the others, surely there's no need for him to still be talking to Shen Jiu at all?

Shen Jiu could always just make the test and drop this guy on the streets if it came out negative and... And if it's positive that'll mean there's someone in this world who is his.

There's no way to change one's blood. He knows that very well. His blood may very well be running in this guys veins. An undeniable bond to someone, something unbreakable. This could mean he has a brother, maybe even a mother that... Loved him.

A mother. One that loved this wretched creature. Proff that he didn't came out wrong, twisted.

Is Shen Jiu being too naive? The simple promise of a past loved one has him doubting the most basic instinct of caring for no one but himself. Hope is an ugly thing he thought dead and buried years ago under charred wood and ash.

Shen Jiu returned his gaze to the young man, serious and grave. He can't believe he is doing something so stupid but one thing is true in all street children: If you can take something, do it. And never give anything back. "You will follow me and not say a single word to anyone. Understood? I will have to ask someone back at the sect for a blood testing tool" This guy wants to be his brother? Fine. Let him cope with his horrible personality. Shen Jiu is never diminishing himself for the comfort of others. Never again.

A sly smile is his answer, and he can't quite help the feeling he just got played. "This Didi will do as Gege says..."

Prev - Next

[jeff-from-marketing]

Hey it's been a hot minute, I'm gonna go off about Helldivers 2 for a bit, because the whole thing fascinates me.

Funnily enough it's not even the actual game itself that truly fascinates me, as great as it is. I do genuinely think that, while not perfect, it's a very solid game that knows what kind of experience it wants to deliver, and does a fantastic job delivering on it. The Starship Troopers-esque satire is hilarious, and I love how much the gameplay reinforces that satire through things like reinforcements canonically being a whole new Helldiver sent into the meat grinder, and that the mission still counts as a celebrated victory even if you never make it back alive. I could even talk about how the objectively clunky system for calling in orbital support is actually a positive for the game, but only this game and the type of experience it's selling.

But none of that is what fascinates me about this game so much. Because y'see, I played the first Helldivers game, and it was also a great bit of fun! It's actually why I was interested in the second one to begin with. But I also know that the first Helldivers was not a very wide reaching game, none of Arrowhead's games have been. They've not done poorly by any means, they're still in business and have been for over a decade now. But they've always been fairly niche affairs. Until now. To really sell the picture, I wanna rattle off player counts for their previous games:

Magicka in 2011, Arrowhead's first big game and published by Paradox, had an all-time max player count of 11,727 players according to SteamDB. I don't believe it was on any other storefronts, but I could be mistaken. A quick wikipedia visit tells me that the game sold roughly a million units over a year which, again, not bad! Especially for a game that is admittedly fairly unusual, but is a lot of fun!

The Showdown Effect in 2013, which I only just found out about right now after double checking my numbers, had a all time high of just 3,284 according to SteamDB, and is now delisted from Steam. Though apparently there's a remake from another company happening? There's a lot less info on this one in general.

Gauntlet in 2014, this one I do know a bit more about since I also played this one. A remake of the original 1985 game, and was a good bit of fun as well! This one is trickier to get an accurate player count reading, because it did have a PS4 release and those are harder to find numbers for. Regardless, it was also on Steam, so therefore I can use those numbers at least, which gives me a max consecutive player count of 12,730. I don't know how much PS4 factored into this.

And now we get to the real interesting one: Helldivers 1. Again, this is tricky because not only was it on console, but it was actually on console before it was ever on PC, which heavily skews numbers. SteamDB has the peak at just 6,744, but this doesn't sit right with me. I've seen estimates of 50k people around the place, some say 35k, but never a solid source. It's also very difficult to search atm because of how much Helldivers 2 is blowing up. Speaking of...

So Helldivers 1 is their most popular game, and I'll be generous and say that the 50k count is the accurate one. So surely Helldivers 2 can't be that much more- oh I'm not even going to pretend, you already know what's going on here. The game has reached ~450k concurrent players just on Steam alone! And the game also exists on PS5, and if I recall correctly: there's official statements saying that the player counts are roughly equal with each other. That means a peak of ~900,000 individual players. To illustrate how bonkers batshit insane that is, motherfucking Fortnite has a current consecutive player count of roughly one million.

Let me reiterate: a game that came out of basically nowhere with little marketing, from a small studio with only about 100 employees, is rivaling the juggernaut that is fucking Fortnite. That is insane.

As someone who has played all of Arrowhead's previous games besides The Showdown Effect, this is bonkers. There's a reason the sentiment was "there's no way to have predicted this" when the servers were at their worst, because look at the previous data! How is anyone supposed to predict a sequel to a niche game (from a company very few people have heard about) to get a ~1800% increase in max player count? Their initial server capacity was 250k, which would've been very optimistic if you were just going by Helldivers 1 numbers. But then that wasn't enough. And then 360k wasn't enough. And then 450k wasn't enough. We're now at 700k server capacity and just finally getting things under control. This game just exploded in a way no one could have reasonably predicted. And I have no idea why this is the case either.

I'm not saying it's not deserved; it absolutely is! Like I said, game is great, and there's not even any shitty business practices I can bitch at this time! It's just so sudden and out of nowhere that it baffles me. Such a small percentage of these players would've even heard of the first game, let alone played it. It didn't have a massive marketing campaign, this is pretty much all spread through word of mouth, which is insane in its own right. It's not even like the game is entering an untapped market, it shares its existence with games like Deep Rock Galactic, Vermintide, Darktide, the actual Starship Troopers game, probably some others I'm forgetting. And yet, despite all of this, it breached containment something fierce. I don't have a big conclusion to make from all this, I'd love to be able to say "oh people are just getting tired of Triple A- oh I'm sorry, Quadruple A gaming and this is a breath of fresh air" and it is that, as was Baldur's Gate 3, but I'm not naive enough to think that's the main reason. Not when so many other great games continue to go undiscovered, and so many people still end up buying whatever the next big Triple A thing is. It's a great game to play with friends, and there's a lot going for it and a lot of charm, but such is also the case for the other games I already listed in this paragraph and they don't see the same popularity.

Whether it's just dumb fucking luck, or a really oddly specific set of circumstances at play that I can't see, I'm just dumbfounded and flabbergasted. But I'm not exactly gonna complain. It's fun getting sent into the meat grinder to spread Managed Democracy, and I'm glad the game is doing as well as it is, though I do hope that the devs get to have a bit of rest once the dust finally settles a little bit.

[holylulusworld]

Auction of love

Summary: Your friend talks you into being part of a charity auction.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x Plussized!Omega Reader

Warnings: angst, insecurities, low self-esteem, chubby/plussized reader, a/b/o, scenting, true mates, love-struck Dean,a hint of fluff, tension

“Mel, no. You know I hate big parties and events,” you whine. Your friend wants you to join a charity auction. “I’d rather go home, have a glass of wine, and watch my favorite show.”

“Y/N, we need you. All of us agreed to join the auction. Come on.” She nudges your side. “You bought this sexy dress and killer heels for a reason. I know the alphas will go crazy when you get on that stage wearing the dress.”

You shake your head. Mel is your friend, and she means well. Sadly, she doesn’t know how it feels to you to get on a stage to show your body to men bidding on omegas. You’re not slim and pretty like her.

“I don’t want to. Just look at me. I'm twice your size,” you sniff. “Mel, they will judge my body.”

“You’re beautiful. I love your boobs and ass. Don’t sell yourself short, babe. Let’s get you all dolled up. I bet you’ll get the highest bid.”

Nodding you give in. You know better than to believe one of the alphas will bid more than a few bugs to spend an evening with you. But you don’t want to disappoint Mel. If you can at least help raise the fund with a few bucks, you’ll get on that stage.

Even though, you hate standing in the spotlight.

“Five hundred.” 

You watch the alphas fight over your best friend Mel. She smiles sweetly and winks at the alphas. Mel looks like she belongs on a stage, and maybe she does. 

“Six hundred,” another alpha lifts his paddle. 

“Eight hundred.” The next one barks. It looks like he’s about to jump at the other alphas.

“One thousand.”

You sigh deeply. All the alphas are bidding on your friend, fighting over her.

“Two thousand.” Mel sucks in a breath as the next alpha raises from his seat. “For the pretty lady, I want to have dinner with.”

“Do I hear more?” Your boss asks. She plays the auctioneer tonight and grins as the alphas grumble under their breath. “Gentlemen, remember. It’s for the orphans. We want to support the local orphanage.”

“Three thousand!” 

“Alright, gentlemen. Going once,” your boss says. She lifts the hammer while looking around the room. “Going twice.”

The alphas shake their heads. No one will bid more than three thousand bucks for a date. You never thought any guy would pay so much money for a date.

“Going thrice,” she slams the hammer down. “Sold to the gentleman with the lucky number seven. Congratulations.”

Mel grins and gives you a wink. She mouths your name, hoping to encourage you.

It’s no use. Your heart is pounding out of your chest, and your legs wobble when you walk on the stage. All eyes are suddenly on you, and it feels like the alphas staring up at you, are there to judge your appearance from head to toe.

“Alright, gentlemen. One of you already got lucky with our charming Mel. Now we have Y/N. She’s smart, funny, and speaks six languages. Our lovely lady bakes pie to die for, knows how to repair a car and, she’s my best employee.”

Your boss gives you an encouraging smile. Jody nods as you nervously shift on your feet. The heels are killing you, and the dress uncomfortably sticks to your body. 

“We start with one hundred dollars.” 

Silence greets you. 

Your boss clears her throat and taps the microphone with her index finger to check if its working. “Gentlemen, you must bid if you want to spend the evening with this lovely lady.”

Your heart drops. No one is going to bid for you. If only you listened to your gut instinct, you wouldn’t stand on a stage, making a fool out of yourself.

Jody looks around the room again. She can’t believe no one is bidding for you. 

“Gentlemen, we are waiting for you. Doesn’t she look lovely in this dress?” she gets nervous. Jody and Mel talked you into getting on the stage and now, no one is bidding for you.

“Jody, no one is going to bid for me,” you whisper. “Can I go? I think the other ladies are waiting behind the stage. Let’s just…”

“Ten thousand!” Jody gasps watching a tall alpha step toward the stage. He looks you up and down, licking his lips. “No. Wait.”

You sigh. For one moment you believed someone bid for you only to realize he tried to be funny.

“I think this sweetheart is worth fifteen thousand and more,” he flashes you a cocky grin. “Gentlemen, your loss. I’ll make sure this pretty lady will have the best date of her life.”

“What? I-“ you stammer. 

“Uh-going once, twice, and,” Jody looks at the other alphas one last time, “thrice. Our lovely Y/N goes to number sixty-seven.”

“Awesome,” the alpha exclaims as you hurriedly walk toward the back of the stage.

Your heart is pounding wildly. This must be a dream.

“BABE! FIFTEEN THOUSAND BUCKS FOR YOUR CUTE ASS!” Mel squeals. She jumps up and down, giggling as you just stare at her with wide eyes. 

“I think he tried to be funny,” you tut. “Do you honestly believe any guy would pay fifteen-thousand bucks for a date with me?”

“Of course, babe. Look at you!” She clicks her tongue. “No more self-doubts, Y/N. That guy pays a fucking lot of money for a date with you.”

“Still, this smells like a hoax.” You don’t believe for one second that the man will pay the money to go out with you.

“There you are,” the alpha bidding on you pants heavily. “Alright. I paid the money to the auctioneer. Where do we wanna go?”

“What? Now…I—” You stare at the cocky alpha. He’s the most attractive guy you ever saw outside of magazines and movies and your heart starts to flutter.

“What do you want to eat? I love me some good food.” You can’t react or talk. All you are capable of is watching the alpha step closer. 

He’s at least six feet tall, maybe even taller. Shit, he’s naturally built and muscular, with gorgeous green eyes. Calling him handsome would be an understatement. 

“I like food too,” you finally say. 

“Great. So,” he smirks. “Now that I know that you like food too, we can get to the point where you tell me what you like to eat.” 

“Maybe you could tell me your name first.”

“Crap, yes. Uh—sorry sweetheart,” he chuckles and holds out his hand. “Name’s Dean. Dean Winchester.”

“Nice to meet you Dean,” you say before you can shy away. You shake his hand and smile at him. “Why did you pay so much money for me? I mean… there are more beautiful girls in the back. You should’ve waited.”

“Let me stop you right there, Y/N. I bid on you because I wanted to have a date with you. Not your friend, or any other woman. It was you who picked my interest.”

“Why?”

He cocks his head at your question. “Sweetheart, have you seen and smelled yourself? I can barely think straight since I saw you walk around in that dress. If I wasn’t a gentleman, your dress would lie in the back of my car for half the night.”

Your cheeks heat up at his words.

“Only the dress?” You question.

The alpha dips his head to sniff at your neck. He purrs as he finally can get more of your scent.

“I got me a cocky one, huh?” Dean pecks your neck. “I lost it when Jody said that you love to bake. I love me some pie.”

“If you promise to behave like a gentleman during dinner, I’ll make you a pie.”

“I’ll be the perfect gentleman for you, Y/N,” he inhales your scent deeply. “Until we are done eating. I can’t promise that I won't try to make you mine after dinner…”

Tags in reblog.

[n3ptoonz]

Okay but like the whole save a horse ride a cowboy thing… for Arthur?

'Snake on a Train'

THANKS FOR 300+!!🖤🖤❤️❤️

Pairing: Arthur Morgan/F!Reader

Fandom: Red Dead Redemption II

Warnings/tags: Smut; Explicit, i'm writing this like i'm from the old west bear with me it's really fun, post chapter 6 MEANING he's alive and DOES NOT have TB. never caught it. we live in delusion round these parts. dialogue driven y'all know me i love me some interaction, implied breeding knk, cowgirl, barely proofread writers block is fucking me up

fr tho read this in a southern accent shit is kinda funny i had way too much fun LMAO

i got so many arthur requests then realized i used THIS theme so i'm using this ask i hope those who sent in will find this!!

Word count: 2300

Never trust a "runaway" O'Driscoll ever again. You was on the run now, away from those freaks and needed a proper escape at least for the time being. Why you chose to not accept Arthur's offer of joining the gang was beyond you. You knew each other well in Blackwater before they had to leave, he suggested you join since you'd be a great addition and trustworthy, but you declined. Later on you were picked up by a "runaway", he sold you out and now you're high tailing it to the nearest escape.

You stumbled across a particularly high end looking train that looked like it was headed west--aka opposite way from this shit. Your initial intent wasn't to rob it, yet. You just needed a quick getaway from this madness. Quick and sneaky you were getting into the back past a few guards. You found an abandoned ticket under a seat and stuffed it in your pocket, walking around until you found an empty cart that looked quite fancy.

You kept your head on a swivel and constantly looked out the window for any suspicious activities when somebody barged in. You quickly stood up and drew your revolver when you realized who you laid your eyes on.

"...Arthur?" you said. His eyes adjusted from the sun reflecting off the window when he heard his name escape from your lips, recognizing your voice almost immediately.

"What are you doin' here?" you both inquired in unison.

"Put your damn gun down I ain't here to rob you." he said sitting down on one of the two seat chairs covered in leather. You slid it back into the holster with curious eyes still on him. Just how long had it been? Why was he here?

"You normally waltz into carts that aren't yours?"

"Ain't that what you did?"

...he had a point.

"Maybe, but I had a reason."

"You sayin' I'd hop onto a nearby train for no reason?"

"I ain't seen or heard from you in almost a decade, Arthur. I don't know what I know anymore. Where's the rest of Blackwater's finest?"

Arthur just leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. There was a deadpan look in his eyes as he recalled everything that went down in the last two weeks. All the betrayals and chaos started to montage in his mind all over again; how he was this close to death, but managed to escape somehow.

"Dead, on their own, or all the above. Remember John? I helped him and his folks get out. The others...well I don't rightly know where they are. And quite frankly I don't care."

You sat in front of him as you processed his words. What's understood don't need to be said, and you knew this well.

"Is that why you're here?" you asked. It felt like a question with an obvious answer but you honestly just wanted a confirmation. It wasn't like him to just run off, at least from when you last seen him.

"In so many words, I guess. Although I didn't expect to see a woman of your caliber running away from your bullshit either. I'd like to know too, if you don't mind."

"Oh hush that up." you waved his comment off dismissively, "I was sold out."

"Well I'll be. You know I always wondered what you were doing or who you decided to hang with if not us. Who in their right mind would sell out one of Blackwater's most wanted?"

In your time together you always had a playful relationship, but you could tell in his tone there was slight bitterness or sarcasm. Truth be told he started to feel some type of way when he realized you declined him just to end up with some other gang that clearly didn't give a damn about you.

"Watch yourself." you warned, your tone half serious half playful.

"What? You didn't want to be around folk who had your best interest that's fine. I won't say I told you so."

"When the hell did you tell me so?"

"The day before we left." he answered without hesitation. "The night we spent together? Ring any bells?"

Damn. You tried to forget that night since the day he had to leave and you too shortly after. You didn't want to remember all the fun you had. You didn't want to remember his hearty laugh at your stupid jokes. Hell...you didn't even want to remember just how good he treated you. He treated you like a lady, unlike most of the men you came across. All it took was one heated kiss, and you both were hooked. But also knew it couldn't be given both your circumstances.

When he offered for you to join you wanted to jump at the opportunity. So why didn't you? Because, well, you loved the man. You thought your own feelings would hinder the morale of the group somehow and break it apart, and you wouldn't dare that be on you. Plus you couldn't really tell where he stood. He's a guy who treated most people with respect despite how he grew up.

Back then he mentioned how people like them were hard to come by and that most gangs were either just downright pieces of shit or cultish. So he in fact did tell you so, and you tried to forget that as soon as possible. Didn't want any sort of thoughts of him clouding your mind or else you'd go crazy.

The only reason you two didn't get intimate that night is because he respected you and your boundaries. He still does. He didn't want it to feel like he was grasping on to the nearest thing to fuck with and then dip. That's not the kind of man he was nor will he ever be.

"What does that night have to do with why I'm here now?" you tried so hard to seem like it didn't completely take over your thoughts, but this is Arthur Morgan for christ sake. He's damn good at reading people.

"It can mean just about anything, sweetheart, but I know it meant something to you just as much as it did to me." he said. The tone of his voice sounded a bit like he was trying to convince himself that was the case. If it wasn't, he wouldn't know what to do.

You sat back in your seat but that didn't take away the feeling of his gaze pouring into your soul. "It did." you said looking down at your hands

"Then why decline? Was it me? I know it's not my lifestyle because we lived the same way."

"I didn't want to get in the way, alright? I knew you'd be gone often and would be out for days at a time while I worried if you'd come back in one piece. I've been there and done that. Wasn't doing that again."

Arthur leaned back up in his seat and ran his hand over his face, sighing. He didn't want to come off so strong, but he felt real feelings for you and didn't know how to process it properly. The woman who's been on his mind since the day the gang left Blackwater sat in front of him and he felt like a lost puppy all over again.

"Okay." he said softly, "Was I on your mind at all?" he continued looking down, mumbling under his breath but you still heard him.

"Everyday since." you said standing up. He slowly looked up at you with those pearly blues that never failed to capture you. He was just so relieved that it wasn't just him. That it wasn't one-sided. Grabbing his hand you pulled him up to meet your eyes--like he wasn't visibly looking down at you.

"I thought about you so damn much I guess I had to distract myself by running with some undercover O'Driscolls. I figured out who they was too late and voila, lawmen breaking down my door."

Arthur shortly chuckled upon hearing you explain more of your situation. To him it was unbelievable, and he never thought he'd hear that name ever again especially after seeing Colm swing.

"This evening is full of surprises. How do I know this isn't some big scheme to take me down once and for all?" he said while wrapping his arms snug around your waist and his voice grew more rugged and deep. Oh how he missed this. What this is, who knows, and who cares?

"I don't need some big scheme to take you down." you said placing your hands on his biceps, squeezing just a little bit. He smirked at this action and pulled you closer.

"That so?"

You hummed in agreement, and it didn't take long for you two to finally lock lips together after a bit of playful murmuring here and there. And just like that, you both were taken back to that night. That heated kiss you shared was the absolute highlight of your lives, and you intended to relive that again and more.

It's like you never left but kissed like it's been forever. He ran his cold palm up your back to hold you while the other unbuttoned your pants. Even after almost ten years, he didn't miss a beat. He still got it. Are we surprised? You followed his lead and kept one arm around his neck while the other attempted to pull him free.

His hands were quick and nimble like yours, so next thing you know your pants are on the ground and you're sitting comfortably in his lap. You was now clad in a loose collar shirt and underwear and his shirt remained unbuttoned at the collar. Your mouths never stopped dancing throughout this whole process too.

Arthur just kept groaning into your mouth at every subtle grind on his thigh. This was only the second time of you two getting together like this, yet it feels way more than that. That same drunk feeling from the night made its return and wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

You pulled back so you both could catch your breath, holding his face and running your thumbs over his stubble that was soon to becoming a full beard.

"I missed you...so damn much." you said in a tone just above a whisper.

"I can't imagine more than I have..." he replied while toying with the hem of your underwear. "Would you give this old outlaw the honor of... having you? All to myself?" he asked, looking deep into your eyes. You could feel him fully hard and his hands trembling a bit, but he still wants to hear it from you. One part is confirmation, but the other? He would easily gain satisfaction from knowing you want to give yourself to him.

"Well...I've saved a horse...and I plan on riding a cowboy," you whispered and smiled against his lips before leaning back in. Arthur chuckled into the kiss, wasting zero time pulling them panties to the side and slide right on in.

Your breath hitched as you eased on down his thick shaft. "That's my girl." he whispered, right next to your ear so he could physically feel you clench against him from his praises. You gripped his shoulders as your eyes closed shut, expelling light whimpers here and there as you set a place. He placed his hand on your back once again to encourage you, feeling a little smug at your struggle to keep up.

Best believe you weren't no bitch though; you swallowed thickly and kept on riding him. The ambience of the train was quickly fading as you two became lost in your own desire.

Were you expecting your orgasm to approach so quickly? Honestly, it made sense. Arthur knew all the right things to say and touched all the right places that churn your butter.

He was also nearing the end, and yet he had such a genuine smile on his face. He grunted with every time you sank back down into his lap and this meant he simply could not be happier. He's been dreaming of this moment forever, and finally. Finally, the woman of his dreams is having the time of her life because of him.

To keep yourself grounded you pulled his head up to rest your forehead on his, "Please, cum inside me," you begged. Your climax was seconds away from hitting you and you wanted to reach bliss at the same time.

You ain't have to tell him even once with how quickly he followed suit. Your hips slammed right back down into his lap as you both tried to stifle your cries of pleasure, still mindful of other passengers.

After you both calmed down in each other's arms, you cleaned yourselves up and plopped back down onto the two person couch you had just gotten intimate on. You held his bicep and laid your head on his shoulder with a content smile on your face. His the very same.

"You sure know how to get down for someone I ain't seen in a long time." he said playfully, looking down at you.

"Who said I ain't got none in a long time?" you replied a little too fast for his liking, looking up and seeing his expression comedically fall to a straight one. "I'm just messing, I wouldn't dare risk having anybody else's kids but yours." you continued casually before shutting your eyes. You had to stop yourself from laughing at the sound of his heart rate getting faster through his chest.

He chuckled, looking out the window at the scenery become painted with the pinks and yellows of the sunset passing by.

"You are something else."

[solarpunkani]

Milkweed Lovers Everywhere, Heed My Warning

By all means let me know if I'm wrong here, but if I'm not wrong then we're looking at a serious (at least to me) problem.

I've been trying to stray away from Tropical Milkweed (Asclepias curassavica) and towards more native species in my area--things like swamp, sandhill, etc--and Butterflyweed (Asclepias tuberosa) fits in that category for me. It's hard to find native milkweed plants in stores--even places I've gone to in the past that had a handful of native species are currently only selling Tropical Milkweed. Even still, I know that there's been a good bit of buzz around growing native species, and some stores I've visited have said they're trying to find vendors with native species--they're not only selling Tropical for lack of trying.

So imagine my surprise--and delight--when I go to Lowe's and see Asclepias tubersoa blazoned on a plant label!

And imagine my surprise when it's being sold right next to Tropical Milkweed and looks almost identical to it.

I was immediately suspicious--especially considering the red flower buds on the 'Butterfly weed'. I've grown Tropical Milkweed for several years, and while it's been awhile since I've seen a Butterfly Weed plant outside of a photograph, these definitely didn't look like what I'd seen. Not to mention, I'd only heard of Asclepias tuberosa flowering in orange or yellow--not red. Of course, at the same time, I'm not a professional botanist, and a quick google search did declare that butterfly weed can grow in red (though the images all look like asclepias curassavica to me...).

(Image from the Native Plant Database. Looking at this picture, I should've realized where this was going sooner...)

So I did the reasonable thing and bought two of them. I figured if the red buds somehow turned orange and were actually Butterfly Weed, then I'd be perfectly satisfied. If they turned out to be Tropical Milkweed, well, I simply would give them to my neighbor who's fond of them, or find something else to do with them.

(I feel the need to emphasize; there are a lot of people online who are in the 'if you plant tropical milkweed you're a horrible person and intentionally killing monarch butterflies' camp. I am not one of them; it's not invasive in my area of Florida, it just takes a little bit of extra managing in terms of cutting it back in October/November.)

I ended up in the same Lowe's again today, shopping for my mom, and took a peek at their plant selection. Lo and behold, I found the Butterfly Weed, and...

This sure does look like Tropical Milkweed to me, and to others in my gardening server, yet it's still labeled as 'Butterfly Weed.' Also, I didn't see any Tropical Milkweed on any of the shelves--at least, nothing labeled as Tropical Milkweed. Instead, all I saw was Tropical Milkweed disguised as Butterfly Weed.

This is, in my humble pollinator garden enthusiast opinion, a problem. At best, Lowe's--or the company they source their plants from--is mislabeling their plants on accident. Which could cause problems if people are buying the plants and putting them in a place that's not quite the right condition for them, or create severe disappointment if someone's excited to grow the native Asclepias tuberosa only to end up with something else entirely. At worst? Lowe's--or the company they source their plants from--are aware that people want to grow native milkweed and are either unable to or too lazy to grow them, and would rather try to get away with selling Tropical Milkweed--which has been growing increasingly controversial in some gardening circles--and still reap the benefits and profits of selling native milkweed species.

However, I'll be real? I'm not sure what exactly to do about it. So I guess I'm just letting everyone know; if you see 'Butterfly Weed (Asclepias tuberosa)' in your local Lowe's, at least double check. Otherwise, you may plant Tropical Milkweed/Scarlet Milkweed (Asclepias curassavica) instead.

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

One thing that I personally find super frustrating about Taylor Swift is the way she plays into the myth of the "lone genius" artist. Without collaboration, nothing gets done; or, if it does, it's typically of low or inconsistent quality. And this is true in pretty much ANY field or discipline you can think of: scientific research, advocacy work, etc. The fact that Taylor considers herself above that and persists in selling the myth of her "lone genius" to fans honestly feels malevolent and arrogant to me.

It's truly ridiculous, at the end of the day, that people call her a "poet" and "genius songwriter" for doing everything on her own. I think it really showcases how little she understands when it comes to poetry as an art form. Most legendary writers and poets have multiple people look over their work and go through many stages of the editing process. One of the purposes of art is to communicate, and it's honestly hard to tell sometimes if what you've written has meaning and communicates well outside of your own brain. Peer review is ESSENTIAL for writers.

I think it's also very telling that she considers herself a legendary poet and actively plays into that mythology by circulating the fact that she's distantly related to Emily Dickinson. As someone who has loved and studied literature for many years, I can honestly say that Taylor Swift's closest comparative when it comes to writing is Rupi Kaur. Pinterest poetry, and nothing more. And she has the arrogance to compare herself to one of the most important poets in American literary canon!

I'm reminded of something I heard Hozier say a little while back (I'm forgetting now which interview) about people praising his lyricism as poetry. He essentially called those claims an insult to poetry, stating that there are structural rules in music (rhyme scheme, beat, etc.) that he adheres to that poets don't have to, and that poets can be much more experimental and revolutionary in form (at least when it comes to the written word vs. the sung word). Only someone who genuinely loves poetry would say something like this; plus, it shows that he thinks about the different impacts that form can have on art the messages it communicates. And this, coming from one of the best singer/songwriters currently working!

TS and Hozier aren't writing in the same genre, but I do think it's interesting to compare them as artists in their respective approaches to lyricism. When it comes to Taylor, I think she cares more about the aesthetic of poetry as an art form than the actual art itself. Her writing doesn't actively interact with the literary canon that inspired it, like Hozier's does (or other great lyricists, like Kendrick/Florence/Mitski/Elton). Her writing feels very hollow and devoid of meaning to me.

i just want to say your ask and analysis was so well written 😭 thank you for sending this in!

Completely agree that Swift's solo songwriting genius is a myth. Only 2/16 songs from TTPD were solely credited to her...which means 12.5% of the album is solely her own writing. That is not a songwriting genius. That's just a songwriter. She already knows her fans are completely sold and convinced on her songwriting genius so of course she would drag out her ancestry.com results and up-play her relation to Emily Dickinson to help sell the aesthetic of the album. Everything for her is another marketing strategy. She has no respect for poetry, let alone writing as a craft itself. If you view her behavior through the lens of another writer, it's absolutely abhorrent, but if you view it through the lens of another capitalist, it's absolute genius.

I love your Hozier comparison because Hozier is only 4 months younger than Taylor yet the quality of their lyricism are oceans apart. Hozier has proven himself to be a talented writer time and time again throughout the course of his career, and the best songwriters often know and understand the power of other writing mediums. (BTW I know what Hozier interview you’re talking about! Here it is :))

What makes a great writer is knowing the canon, and knowing other writing mediums very well. It's why the greatest songwriters incorporate canon not only of their own genre and medium but of other texts as well (I'm biased because I listened to Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights today and I know its an adaptation but still its relevant here). Intextuality is the foundation of a great work, and Taylor's work has none.

As the other anon(s) have pointed out, Taylor no longer makes music as art. She makes music for money. I don't think any artist who likes what they do or cares about what they produce would put out an album like that, with lyrics like that, and its content. At least Rupi Kaur's writing impacted poetry in bringing it into the mainstream; I don't exactly understand what ttpd could offer as a text or in pop culture.

TLDR: hozier makes music for people who eat it from the back and then handfeed you grapes afterwards. taylor swift makes music for white girls entering their first day of 7th grade send tweet

[chinchillasinunison]

Some more random bits of Welcome Home observation..............

So the concept of "eating with your eyes" Wally has going on calls to mind the idea of media consumption. Wally Darling absorbs what he needs through his eyes alone, passing his judgments purely on aesthetics (loves apples for the look, not the taste, to the point where he can't even recognize them in different forms). And that's got me thinking about all the varying sorts of creative expression depicted in Welcome Home.

Out of everyone in the neighborhood who has a special "thing," Wally's is the only one limited to two dimensions. The others involve the creation of a 3 dimensional object (Eddie's crafts and Poppy's baking), performance (Barnaby and Sally), or with physicality as a necessary component (Julie's games and Frank's bug catching/studying). You could say that compared to the others, his painting is... much more flat. Perhaps that could be a metaphorical reflection of his outlook? Wally has a vast field of view, but no depth perception, as it were?

The other detail that stands out to me in regards to everyone's "thing" is that Howdy... doesn't have one. Like... think about how weird that is for a second. He doesn't make anything original. He has others share with him their jokes, their ideas, their creations, in exchange for necessities like food. In the context of the in-universe show, what educational function is his segment supposed to serve? Simple: it conveys that art is a commodity that can be bought and sold. It's basically a microcosm of the life of an artistic professional without the middleman of currency.

So then....... what does that mean in the grand scheme of my "Wally is self-aware of his status as a children's TV show character and trying to monitor the neighborhood so the others don't grow beyond their initial roles" speculation? I think it gives a different potential motive to consider: self-preservation. Wally is aware that he is an art piece, but more importantly, that he is a product. Literally, the first line of his description beyond the opening blurb is that he is the most popular character in merchandise. The show must keep itself in top form so The Playfellow Workshop can sell, sell, sell those sing-along records and tie-in Little Golden Books and paper doll playsets. Otherwise? Well, Howdy doesn't just give away hot dogs for free, even if you're hungry. You need to pay for it. That's economics.

So Wally tries to keep the neighborhood agreeable. Palatable. Digestible. Apples always the same shade of red and as thin as the canvas he paints on. Only to swallow up with the eye, not to savor. Otherwise, if things get too complicated? Well, we all know the fate of the in-universe show....

Then again, still, I could be way off base. I just found all of this really interesting and want to share. And it has made me more suspicious of Howdy of all characters, so that's gotta count for something.

[knifedancer]

Not Dating

Day by day, one by one, Marinette’s classmates noticed that the young designer had gotten closer to Felix. Close enough to be considered dating. Finally, the entire class is convinced that the two ARE dating.

The only problem is that Felix nor Marinette seem to know about it.

Felix (PV) x Marinette, posted to AO3.

~~~~~~~

~~~SCENE 1: Lila~~~

Lila was walking down a shopping district when she caught sight of her favorite victim—er, classmate eating at a nearby café. Carefully maneuvering around the outdoor patio in a way so that she would not be seen, she noticed that Marinette was not alone… Across from her sat the snobbish cousin of Adrien’s: Felix Graham-Agreste. The Italian narrowed her eyes as she took in their chummy atmosphere. ‘When did they get so close?’

“Oh my gosh, Marinette! What a coincidence!” The liar called out as she exited her hiding spot.

The designer’s countenance darkened a bit as the liar approached, her voice dropping into a flat irritated tone. “Lila.” The snake’s eyes gleamed with a cruel light, her smile becoming a bit sharper.

“What do you want, Rossi?” Came the exasperated, blunt voice of her pale blond companion. Rude.

“What? Can’t I say hello to my classmates? I stop by this café all the time; the owner is like a father to me. I highly recommend the pasta!”

“It’s a boba café, they don’t sell pasta!” Cried the exasperated class president.

“Well, it’s on the secret men—”

“Hi, order number 42?” A waiter interrupted, pointing to the little plastic table number resting beside Felix’s elbow. “Who had the honeydew milk tea?” Marinette raised her hand and he set it before her. “And one matcha milk tea for the gentleman. Please enjoy.”

The two teens stared down Lila as the waiter left two straws and returned to his post inside to take orders. She scoffed as she sauntered away, pretending to look over the posted menu while spying on the pair. ‘Perhaps I can get something good to lie about at school tomorrow…’ she thought, watching them from the corner of her eye.

“Mm, this honeydew is delicious!” The bluenette remarked while sipping happily on her drink.

“Let me try,” Lila watched as Felix grabbed the drink right out of Marinette’s hands.

“Hey! Don’t steal all my tapioca pearls, jerk!”

The blond brought the same straw to his lips to take a sip. “Hmm, you’re right, not too sweet.” The designer’s scowl transformed into a smug smile as he set the glass back down in front of her, continuing to enjoy her drink without a second thought.

‘Did they just…indirectly kiss?! Oh my, talk about juicy gossip!’ Lila’s lips curled into a wicked smile; she couldn’t wait to twist this into a new story tomorrow!

~~~ The next day…

“You’ll never believe this, girls. Marinette was on a date with Felix!” Lila sobbed, “After I told her how much I liked him, too!”

“Aw, Lila…I’m sure that’s not what it was,” Mylene comforted the girl.

“I saw it! They were all lovey-dovey, sharing a drink—” The liar attempted.

“Girl, are you sure that your lying disease isn’t acting up again?” Alya asked skeptically as Lila tensed. “I mean…Marinette and Felix? Pfft, that’d never happen!”

“Does seem rather far-fetched,” murmured Juleka in agreement.

“But I really saw—" she tried again in vain.

“Shh, it’s okay. Why don’t you tell us more about your recent trip to Achu instead, Lila?” Rose begged the flabbergasted liar.

~~~SCENE 2: Adrien~~~

It was Saturday and the teen heartthrob of Paris had just finished a photoshoot early. Nathalie had even agreed to let him enjoy a little free time! ‘Too bad Nino is busy with Alya today,’ he thought glumly as he looked around the park. Spying his favorite designer’s balcony in the distance brought a smile to his face once again. ‘Maybe Marinette would want to play some UMS III!’ Destination set, Adrien began crossing the park at a leisurely pace, enjoying the sun and the breeze on such a pleasant day.

He watched as kids chased each other through the park, vendors sold balloons and treats, and friends picnicked on checkered blankets. The model smiled as his roaming eyes noted happy couples – like the two giggling college students holding hands as they walked, Marinette and Felix lounging under a tree, the young man chasing—WAIT. Marinette and Felix were what?

Adrien’s eyes locked back onto the pair beneath the tree in disbelief. Felix was sitting with his back against the trunk while reading the book he held in one hand. Sprawled out between his knees was a slumbering bluenette, her sketchpad forgotten on her lap while her fingers still twitched with the pencil between the digits. Her body was slumped slightly to the right, her head lazily resting against his cousin’s chest. Dumbstruck, he continued to stare as Felix brought his free hand up to turn the page before returning it back to its original place, his silver ring gleaming in a wayward sunbeam as his fingers idly played with one of Marinette’s pigtails.

They looked…comfortable. Closer than he remembered them being.

Marinette seemed to stir, her eyes squinting slightly against the sunlight before she began to shift. The blond’s hand extracted itself from her hair, his eyes falling away from those crisp white pages to gaze down at the girl in his lap. The bluenette resettled on her left side, half curled against his chest and readily fell back to sleep. With unbridled fascination, Adrien watched a soft smile spread across Felix’s face before his hand cupped around her cheek to gently play with the short hairs that curled in front of her ears. His smile never wavered as his eyes returned back to the book in his other hand as if the whole exchange had never happened.

Felix looked…happy and, perhaps, in love?

‘Are they…dating?’ The model’s brow scrunched in thought, considering the whole exchange as he quietly walked in the opposite direction. ‘Good for them. I should congratulate them at school tomorrow!’

‘Maybe Luka is available for a jam session,’ Adrien pulled out his phone to call the older boy.

~~~SCENE 3: Adrien and Alix~~~

After school the next day, while waiting for his ride, Adrien flagged down his cousin coming down the stairs. Felix gave his usual short greeting before expectantly looking at him. Noting they didn’t have much time to spare, he decided to cut to the chase.

“I noticed you and Marinette have gotten rather close recently,” Adrien smiled warmly.

“Yes, she’s been very welcoming and warm. She grows on you, much like a fungus,” the snobbish blond replied while his eyes drifted towards the entry way as if looking for someone.

“Come on, Fe! You don’t need to be so obtuse. She’s really special, isn’t she?” The model raised his eyebrows, attempting to put a heavier meaning behind his words. All he got was a distracted, affirmative hum in reply. Settling a hand on his cousin’s shoulder, his grey eyes shifted back to Adrien. The model looked directly into Felix’s eyes with a bright smile, “I just wanted to tell you that I’m really happy for you two!”

His cousin’s face scrunched up in confusion but, before he could question the green eye blond, his attention was captured by a shriek coming from the stairs behind them. Felix turned just in time to catch a flying bluenette against his chest with an “oof!” before she could hit the ground.

Alix jumped down from the top step and swooped around them in her skates, looking frantic. “Oh my gods, Mari! I’m so sorry, I thought you saw me coming. Are you okay?”

“Kubdel, what the hell were you thinking? You know Marinette has her head in the clouds 80% of the time!” Felix scolded the pink haired girl while setting the young designer down on her feet, keeping her in the protective ring of his arms. Turning to her, his tone became a tender and worried murmur, “Are you alright, princess?”

“I’m purrfectly fine, she didn’t mean to bump into me! Besides,” Alix and Adrien watched as her smile turned fond, “you caught me before I could get hurt. My hero.” She pretended to swoon and, although Felix scowled, his eyes remained soft. They watched as he took her bag from her shoulder and then grabbed her hand. Neither classmate missed how the grey eyed boy threaded his fingers through hers.

“You’re likely to fall over if I don’t hold onto you. Let’s get you home in one piece, shall we?” He nodded to the two as he led Marinette away, the unlikely duo murmuring to themselves – smiling and laughing as if in their own little world.

“Are those two dating?” Alix inquired with obvious confusion.

“Yup, I saw them cuddling in the park over the weekend. I was pretty surprised but I’m happy for them. I think she’s good for him,” Adrien grinned.

“Huh. I always thought she’d end up with you,” the pink haired girl shrugged and skated away from the now blushing blond.

“Wait, what?!”

~~~SCENE 4: Amelie~~~

The Graham-Agreste family didn’t travel outside of Paris much these days but, when they did, it was usually for a week at a time. Amelie had warned her son about the impending trip to visit a business contact in Greece and he seemed less than thrilled. She suspected it had something to do with the sweet classmate he had been spending so much free time with. She wasn’t blind but pretended to be whenever Felix’s face softened and an unconscious smile spread on his face when he would receive a text from her. She even had her own ringtone! And today? Why, Amelie was in for quite the treat because that very classmate appeared at their door just a few hours ago to help Felix pack for his trip.

She didn’t miss the chance to remind her teenage son to leave his door open as she didn’t wish to be a grandmother…yet. Nor did she miss both turning bright red at the implication of her words.

Amelie had checked a few times – while walking down the hallway, she didn’t want to cramp his style – and noted that he had left the door ajar as requested. This allowed her to catch snippets of their muffled conversation and laughter in passing. Not that she was trying to eavesdrop, but those joyful sounds made her so happy. It made her heart swell that Felix had finally found someone he could relax and be himself with! Her grumpy little man had made a friend – a girl friend no less – and Amelie was over the moon!

‘Come to think of it, it has been a while and they are awful quiet…’ she internally mused. ‘Better go check on them.’

The older blond set down her crossword and headed upstairs, approaching the bedroom door as quietly as she could. She heard nothing as she paused outside the door. Curiosity getting the better of her, she pushed the door open soundlessly. She had to bite her lip to stop from cooing over what she found!

Felix’s carryon was packed and set at the foot of the bed with care, a light jacket draped over the handle in preparation of their early flight. A single lamp on his nightstand was on, illuminating the scene before her in the dusk-colored room. In the middle of the duvet lay the two teens, about a foot apart but facing each other, unconsciously holding hands as they peacefully napped side-by-side. Tiptoeing to the end of the bed, Amelie pulled out her phone and snapped a few silent photos – noting with glee the tiny smile on her son’s face as he slept. With an airy sigh through her nose, she silently departed so the two could rest.

‘They make such a cute couple! I’ll have to frame these photos for when they get married…’

~~~SCENE 5: Juleka and Nathaniel~~~

A few weeks later, Madame Bustier had paired up students for an art history project. Juleka and Nathaniel had scheduled some time during lunch to study in the library, hoping to get the necessary books for their chosen historical figure: Marcel Duchamp. They greeted the librarian and headed towards the art history section, flipping through various books to find the most relevant information. Suddenly a giggle cut through the quiet and caught the attention of the two studious classmates. Peeking around the end of the row and looking toward the beanbag chairs in the reading nook, they spied two teens engaging in a tickle fight. Their eyes widened as they realized the grinning blond was none other than Felix and the snorting giggles were escaping a very pink, writhing Marinette.

“Is that…are they…” Nathaniel questioned under his breath, Juleka nodding vaguely to confirm that she was witnessing the same thing. This was not the work of an akuma.

They watched silently as the bluenette twisted and struggled to evade the blond boy’s nimble fingers, eventually ending up tangled and panting in an embrace that resembled a human Gordian Knot. Her legs were draped across his lap and an ankle hooked around one of his, her arms weaved and locked around his upper torso, her fingers driven into his hair. Felix’s head rested against her collar bone, his eyes shut, and lips curved into a smug smile. Their bodies were pressed so tightly together that not even a breeze could get between them. “You could have just told me you wanted to nap! Gods, you’re such a cat sometimes!” Marinette scolded softly with a huff of laughter, her fingers petting the skin and long hair at the base of his neck as the boy seemed to melt further against the young designer.

“Do you think they’re dating?” Juleka whispered in amazement.

“Certainly seems like it,” the red head replied.

~~~SCENE 6: Mylene and Rose~~~

“…And the whole park just looks so lovely with all those new trees planted! Thank you for helping with my beautification project, Rose!” Mylene expressed happily to the strawberry blond beside her as they wandered into the cafeteria.

“I was so happy to help. The flowers are going to smell amazing when they begin to blossom!” Rose swooned softly before bumping into someone in her distracted state. “Oh, hey Marinette! What have you got there?”

“Hey guys! I made bento boxes today, want to see?” The bluenette opened the two boxes for their perusal. Inside were tiny hotdog octopi piled so close together that they seemed to be kissing, slices of fried chicken, rice balls with seaweed hearts stuck all over them, and a small salad filled with heart shaped veggies. The two girls cooed over each detail, noting the obvious theme…

“Did you make these for your crush, Marinette?” Rose chirped sweetly, “So romantic!”

“Wh-what?! N-no, no! I just made these because I wanted to…” the young designer blushed crimson at their words and nervously rubbed the back of her neck. “I kind of fell down a YouTube rabbit hole with Kagami the other day and became super obsessed with the idea. I’m not very good though, I still need a bunch of practice…”

The colorful dreadlocked girl smiled kindly, “I think it’s really sweet! You know, I bet Adrien would—”

“Oh shoot! Sorry, girls, I promised Felix we’d have lunch together to work on our project and I really want to eat before this gets cold,” interrupted a distracted Marinette as she packed up her bento, her face scrunched as she took in the grumpy blond at the far end of the cafeteria.

“Sure, see you later, Mari!” Rose and Mylene watched as their friend crossed the room to sit with Felix. “They’ve been spending a lot of time together lately, huh?”

The mousey girl nodded, watching in fascination as their class rep seemed to scold the pale blond for only eating an apple before spreading the two bento boxes between them on the table. Felix responded with an eyeroll from the other side of his book, but Marinette just gesticulated her hand brandishing chopsticks to wave off his arguments. They were taken aback a moment later when she scooped a mouthful from the box and blew away the steam, then offered it to the boy with a silent ‘say ah!’ The grump seemed to huff before dutifully taking the morsel into his mouth, not letting her feeding him interrupt his reading. Marinette smiled brightly and continued to feed them both in this fashion, completely oblivious of the two shocked girls watching from afar.

The petite bubbly girl squealed with joy! “Do you think she actually made the bento for Felix? Oh my goodness, she filled it with hearts!”

“And he accepted it! We’ve got to tell the girls!” Mylene gushed, thrilled to see their sweet friend find love and appreciation.

Looks like the Adrienette fan club needs to disband…

~~~SCENE 7: Kim~~~

It was date night with his girl, Ondine. He had lost their bet at swim practice, so she got to pick the movie – some American “classic” called Grease playing at a small, off-the-beaten-path theater. She seemed happy so Kim wasn’t about to complain. ‘I just hope it’s not a total chick flick! I’ll have to catch the latest John Wick with the guys next weekend…’ he internally sighed. It was early evening on a weeknight, a few bored employees manned the front, and very few patrons were in attendance. Most appeared to be couples out on their own dates. The two athletic teens settled into their seats near the back – prime make out territory for couples, oh yeah – just in time for the lights to dim.

Suddenly, about five minutes into the film, the entry door on the opposite side of the auditorium opened with a loud BANG and made everyone present jump. Kim heard a familiar voice call out a whispered “sorry!” before catching sight of a couple quietly making their way down the aisle and settling a few rows down from where he was. One tall, lanky, dour blond and a shorter, contrite looking bluenette… Wait, was that Felix and Marinette? As Ondine hummed and danced in her seat to ‘Summer Lovin,’ Kim curiously watched as the duo took their seats in the back half of the theater. Once seated, there was some sort of frantic movement from Marinette before Felix settled his arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer; the young designer’s head coming to rest against his chest. Kim’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline and his jaw dropped.

Were they on a DATE?

Distracted, Kim draped his arm around his girlfriend and stared off towards the screen unseeing for a few moments, the gears in his head slowly turning. They arrived together. They seemed cuddly with each other. His eyes widened. ‘Wait, they…’ He glanced over a few times to verify, ‘…they sat in the make out section!’ By the time the characters were dancing around the carnival to ‘We Go Together,’ the Vietnamese boy noticed out of the corner of his eye that Felix had long ago rested his head on top of Mari’s and had occasionally rubbed his cheek against her dark hair.

Maybe it wasn’t really them?

The credits rolled and the dim house lights came on, allowing him to get a better look at the couple as they got up to leave. Oh, yup, it was definitely Felix and Marinette. He nodded along as Ondine gushed about the film, watching his classmates ahead of them from his peripherals. Marinette was gesturing widely, her eyes lit up in a way that only happened when she spoke about fashion. The grouchy teen was gone, a warm smile on his face as he gazed down at the girl beside him. Once outside, he watched as the smile turned into a frown once again – this time only because the bluenette was shivering. He thought he heard the blond murmur “are you cold, Bug?” but he wasn’t sure. For the second time that night, Kim was shocked as Felix shrugged out of his coat and draped it around the dark-haired girl before pulling her close as they walked down the street.

Ondine looked between Kim and the couple, tilting her head a bit. “Isn’t that your friend, Marinette?”

“Yeah…” the taller boy replied hesitantly.

“Wow, she and her boyfriend make such a cute couple!”

~~~SCENE 8: Chloe & Nino~~~

Nino’s groan of frustration was so loud that it reverberated off the walls of the hallway, “Chloe! Look, I’m not thrilled about having to do this report with you either but I’m not going to let you just not do anything!”

The haughty blond girl huffed, crossing her arms with a pout. “I can’t believe you’re going to make me do…” She paused, her mouth opening and closing like she was attempting to spit out something foul tasting, “…homework, Lahiffe. I have far more interesting things to do – like my mani-pedi! These hands don’t just look perfect all on their own!”

“Just use your phone to search for some information on Louise Bourgeois. You insisted on picking her since you’re related but you have to do more than pick the topic!”

Chloe scoffed and turned towards the other blond that had wandered out of the classroom, “Felikins, tell Lahiffe here that a young woman like myself has important needs!”

Felix settled against the wall beside the classroom door and rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth to reply when a stumbling blur came through the doorway and seized his attention. Nino watched in fascination as Adrien’s cousin quickly spun – was he always that fast? – and caught the figure in his arms, his face scrunched up in confusion and concern. As he raised himself from a crouch, the DJ was able to see he now held a barely conscious Marinette.

“Dudette! She okay?” Nino stepped closer with an outstretched hand, worry evident in his tone. Sure, he hadn’t been able to hang out with her as much lately, but he knew her! His oldest friend tended to push herself too hard and take on too much, plus she had developed a sensitivity to cold recently… Made her susceptible to getting sick very easily.

Then something unexpected happened that stunned them to silence... The grey eyed boy leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead, his face transforming from worry to shock before effortlessly scooping the limp bluenette up bridal style. His voice softened, “Marinette, you have a fever! Did you go out without your jacket again?” He huffed as the girl whined weakly in his arms. Turning to the two of them, his tone became all business once more, “Excuse me, it seems I need to take her to the nurse.” The two shocked classmates stepped aside as a very fierce looking Felix hastened down the hall like a man on a mission. Nino could swear he heard Felix’s voice echoed a ‘what am I going to do with you, princess?’ as he turned the corner, but Felix surely wouldn’t say something like that… would he? Then again…

“Did Felix just…kiss Marinette? Do you think they’re dating?” Nino wondered aloud.

His words seemed to snap Chloe out of her stupor, she spun to face him and screeched in disbelief, “What?! Dating? Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!”

~~~SCENE 9: Sabine & Tom~~~

Sabine was a patient, protective, intuitive woman. She watched her beautiful daughter trip over herself for a boy in her school – a model, no less – she just shook her head. Adrien seemed like a sweet boy but distracted and flighty. Tom thought he seemed like a good match for their sweet girl at first and welcomed him into their home like they would a future son-in-law; Sabine was unconvinced though. Not that she would treat the sweet teen model without her usual kindness – he was her little Bǎobèi‘s friend, after all. He just wasn’t the right one.

However, about half a year later Marinette came home with another blond boy that immediately caught her attention. The new boy, Felix, looked similar to Adrien but was entirely different. Sure, both boys were respectful, handsome, and polite… However, where Adrien was falling over himself for approval and acceptance, Felix walked with a gait that seemed to communicate he needed no one’s approval. She watched with interest as their friendship developed and noted with a smile that the grumpy boy balanced out their daughter’s overexuberance. She softened his hard edges; his quiet support allowed her self-confidence to blossom. He brought structure and order; she ruffled his feathers and introduced some spontaneity to his life. Sabine and Tom had friendly bets going that the two would become something more, but nothing had shown that that was happening. There had been an obvious change in their dynamic a few weeks ago and the bakers were thrilled! Perhaps this was the moment? No.

At this rate, her daughter was going to cost her $30 if they didn’t get together by the end of the month…

It had been a couple days since a worried Felix carried a feverish Marinette home from school. He made sure to come by each day with notes, assignments, and to inquire about her health. Sabine could tell by the way his eyes drifted to the back stairs during each visit that he wanted to see her – not that the taciturn blond would admit such a thing. The two teens were in the living room watching a movie now that she was feeling better. Sabine smiled softly as she washed a few dishes in the sink, ‘As if illness would keep that boy away from your side, Bǎobèi…’ The blond teen was sitting a respectful distance from her daughter on the couch as they chatted about the plot quietly, smiles on both of their faces.

Marinette began to shiver, her body not quite recovered, and whined about feeling cold. Sabine watched as Felix rolled his eyes before getting up, eliciting a louder whine from the girl on the couch. He passed the kitchen with a nod and wordlessly went up the stairs to the designer’s room, returning with a thick fluffy blanket as if he was used to fetching things in their house or for their daughter. Odd. The boy proceeded to drape the blanket over his blue-eyed classmate, carefully tucking it around her whole form before lifting her feet and encasing them as well. Marinette made happy noises as she began to settle in when a sudden movement made her squawk with indignation. Sabine turned in time to see Felix sit closer to her, Marinette’s feet on his lap as he began to unconsciously rub them through the cover of the blanket.

The older bluenette smiled, watching the two returning back to their bantering. Sabine quietly dried her hands and went back down to the bakery. Tom was going to want to hear all about this!

~~~Later…

Tom and his wife tiptoed up the stairs, hoping to catch a glimpse of the two teens without their notice. There, on the couch and basking in the glow of the DVD menu, lay two sleeping teens. Their daughter was cocooned in the blanket like a caterpillar going through metamorphosis, only her head was visible. However, laying slightly behind and draped over the blanket was the slumbering form of Felix. His arms unconsciously pulled her closer, causing their Bǎobèi to hum happily.

“Better be ready to pay up, honey,” whispered Sabine with a grin. “This boy is definitely our Nǚxù.”

Tom chuckled softly, pulling out his phone and opening the notes app. “Do you think he’ll like strawberry crème for their wedding cake?”

“Perhaps lemon, it would go very well with that cream cheese buttercream you’ve been testing out…”

The two adults retreated back to the bakery to continue their discussion, leaving the two teens blissfully unaware that the details of their anticipated nuptials would likely be hammered out by the end of the week.

~~~SCENE 10: Sabrina & Roger Raincomprix~~~

Lt. Roger Raincomprix returned home after his evening patrol, dropping his keys on the entryway table before letting out a long sigh. Tonight had been a long shift but he needed to speak to his daughter before she went to bed… He plodded down the hallway to her room and knocked when he saw the light still shining from beneath the door. “Sabrina? Are you still up, pumpkin?”

“Come on in, Dad!” Roger nervously pushed his way in, finding his smiling daughter dressed in her pajamas and sitting at her desk. “We have a big test tomorrow, so I was just getting in one last review before going to bed.”

“That’s good, honey. We need to have a talk,” the officer sat on the edge of his daughter’s bed and fidgeted with his hands. He wasn’t sure how to broach this topic with his teenage daughter but, some things had happened that evening that made Roger realize that he needed to make sure she was being safe.

“Something wrong, Dad? Did something happen on patrol tonight?” Sabrina’s tone became pensive, concerned for the serious look that her father was sporting.

He dropped his eyes to the floor, flexing his hands in and out of fists as he spoke haltingly. “Yes. Uh…well… Pumpkin, you’re a young woman now. Hormones are hard to deal with as a teen and you’re…going to meet someone special…and you’re going to have some urges—”

“DAD!” The scandalized cry brought his eyes up to meet her own wide, cyan-colored eyes. “Are you…trying to give me the ‘birds and the bees’ talk?”

He swallowed thickly, “Yes, sweetie. You’re sixteen now and—”

His daughter crossed her arms and gave him a flat look as she interrupted again, “I don’t even have a romantic interest right now, Dad. We already covered this in Sex Ed. What is this really about? What happened on patrol?”

Roger gave a long sigh and his brow furrowed. ‘I shouldn’t tell her what happened but… Sabrina wouldn’t tell anyone.’

He cleared his throat. “There was an incident with two of your classmates tonight in the park—”

“WHAT? Who?”

“Sabine’s daughter, Marinette, and that blond kid…what was his name again? Not the model.”

“Felix Graham-Agreste?”

He snapped his fingers, “That’s the one! Caught the two of them in the park canoodling…”

~~Earlier…

Lt. Raincomprix whistled softly as he walked past the hero statue in the park. It had been a quiet shift besides the akuma – not that he could assist with that! – which the heroes apparently wrapped up a few minutes ago, if the recent swarm of ladybugs was any indication. ‘I wonder what those two do after the fight? Chat Noir seems suave, he’s probably some playboy…’ Suddenly a crash and groans were heard. Roger pulled out his flashlight and rushed toward the bushes where the noise originated. There, he found two teens he recognized from his daughter’s class in a compromising position…

Felix Graham-Agreste was slouched back against the trunk of a tree and Marinette Dupain-Cheng was slumped forward between his knees, both staring towards the light with wide eyes. Their hair and clothes were in disarray, small twigs and leaves attached to the strands as if they had been rolling through the bushes. One of the bluenette’s hands was resting upon his thigh, while the other was gripping the front of his belt. The blond had a hand on the back of her head and the other pressed against her upper back, as if pulling her towards him. Felix’s shirt had been untucked and ridden up to expose his stomach; Marinette’s shirt gaped open in the front where a few buttons had popped off to reveal the lacy shoulder strap of her bra.

“What do you two think you’re doing? A park is no place for a lover’s tryst!” Lt. Raincomprix exclaimed.

The two looked each other over briefly before turning red in the face, the small girl squeaked in embarrassment as the boy pulled her close to cover her exposed décolletage and flaming face. He cleared his throat to try to regain some semblance of decorum. “Our apologies, Officer. We weren’t… this isn’t… this was an accident…”

“So are many babies that come from young teenage relationships, son. I understand, I was a young, hot-blooded man myself once.” Roger chuckled at the memory of his adolescent escapades. The two teens in front of him rose to their feet, a flustered Marinette clutched the front of her shirt closed as a more composed Felix kept an arm around her while he continued to shield her from view with his body. “Head on home. I don’t want to be finding you two in the bushes after dark again, you hear?”

The two teens nodded and started the trek back towards the bakery, Roger could hear the bluenette muttering about this being all the boy’s fault. Before they could escape the park, the officer called back out to them. “Oh! And remember to use protection!” He could see the pale blond stiffen and a new flush of red go up the back of his neck at the comment. He chuckled and murmured quietly, “Kids these days…”

~~~Present…

“…I know they’re in your class and you’re all about the same age. It’s totally natural to express your love that way. I just wanted to have a talk with you to make sure that you’ll be safe.” Roger smiled at his daughter and ruffled her hair. “Alright, pumpkin, thanks for hearing me out. Just wait to give me grandkids until you’re a bit older, hm?” He chuckled and walked from the room with a wave. “Sweet dreams and good luck on that test tomorrow!”

A gaping Sabrina stared at the door that her father closed behind him, trying to grasp the facts – Felix and Marinette were apparently caught in a park together.

Were they even dating? It was obviously serious!

Or was he just using her?

How had no one noticed?

She needed to talk to Chloe!

~~~SCENE 11: Max~~~

The cafeteria was busy when Max Kanté wandered in, almost every seat was taken, and a few students had even braved sitting on the notoriously filthy tabletops. Markov scanned the area and found an empty chair near the resident grumpy blond in the corner – was he saving it for someone? Or perhaps most were just too intimidated to ask? Based on various factors, the bespectacled teen calculated that he had a 64.8% chance of success approaching him verses someone else in their class. He’d take those odds.

Approaching the distant table, he noted that Felix Graham-Agreste was focused – leaned forward on elbows and brow furrowed – on a laptop screen in front of him and, once he was within two meters of his target, that it appeared he was playing a video game. Max’s curiosity was peaked. “Hello Felix, apologies, I noticed you were playing a game. I was unaware you were a gamer. Perhaps you would be interested in being a beta test—”

The blond winced slightly and sat back, looking up at the suspender-wearing boy with a wry smirk. “I’m not, Kante. I am attempting to try a game recommended to me by an acquaintance. I’m afraid this endeavor is likely fruitless.”

“Oh,” Max paused, unsure how to continue the conversation. “Well, if you change your mind, I wouldn’t mind a non-gamer perspective. My games should be user friendly to professionals and novices alike.” Felix hummed in response, his eyes returning to the screen where 32-bit sprites bounced in place while awaiting orders. ‘Likely an emulator game considering the archaic graphics,’ he thought to himself.

He cleared his throat and rested his hand on the back of the open chair. “I actually came here to ask if I could take the chair or are you saving it?”

Felix’s eyes flickered over the item before he waved dismissively, “Take it. I’m not saving it.”

“Many thanks. Enjoy your game.” The blond teen snorted in reply and turned back towards his computer.

Max moved to a table nearby, settling in to eat with a few members of the AV club to discuss the latest technology released at the recent Consumer Electronics Show (CES). While one boy animatedly spoke of the newest VR technologies, the bespectacled boy noticed Marinette swerving between the tables; he raised his hand to greet her, but she only gave a wave in passing before stopping beside Felix. Unusual. The distance between them was not great and, though he did not mean to, he could not help eavesdropping inadvertently.

“Hey Felix! Are you…playing a game?” The bluenette leaned over his shoulder, tilting her head at what was displayed.

“Yes, although not very well.” He chuckled softly.

“…But you don’t like video games,” he hummed as she paused in thought. “What brought on the change of heart?”

Felix roughly cleared his throat and preoccupied himself with brushing nonexistent dust from the keyboard keys rather than meeting her eyes. When he finally spoke, Max could barely hear his voice over the general din. “…You enjoy it.” Were his ears red? That had to be a trick of the light!

Marinette whipped her head towards him, blinking a few times as she absorbed his words. Max could see the instant they sunk in: her cheeks took on a rosy glow, her eyes softened, and a sweet smile spread across her face. Were they…flirting? Max was unsure. She leaned in a bit closer, “So…what are we playing?”

Felix seemed to recover some of his normal composure at her reply, “Final Fantasy 7, unfortunately.”

“Wait, the original 1997 release? I love that game!” Marinette glanced around for a chair, frowning when she didn’t see one available. She contemplated the tabletop with a quick swipe of her hand, grimacing at finding something sticky. She wiped her hand lightly on her dark wash jeans and mumbled something that made the boy scoff. They seemed to exchange a look before he sat back and made a gesture in front of him.

Wait! Was Felix Graham-Agreste offering what Max thought he was offering?

No! Couldn’t be! There was only a 13.7% chance that…

Max stared with wide eyes as the blue-eyed designer smiled graciously before casually taking a seat on the blond’s lap – as if this was an everyday occurrence! – before proceeding into a detailed breakdown of the game mechanics and basic strategy. Felix loosely looped an arm around her waist to hold her steady while her hands fluttered about to emphasize her words. The pale blond rested his chin on her shoulder, his eyes attentive and focused on the screen once more, nodding along while his body language communicated contentment. Lifting the sleeve of his green polo shirt, Max pinched himself to make sure he was not imagining this strange manifestation, then glanced around for an akuma for good measure. Nope, this was real.

‘Looks like I need to adjust my calculations…’ he thought, baffled.

~~~SCENE 12: The Whole Class~~~

After a few long days of presentations and exams (and multiple late-night stress-induced akumas – midterms, amirite?), students were rewarded with a school board mandated half day as a “stress relief” measure. Dupont’s was scheduled on Wednesday and teachers had doubled up on homework assignments, but Madam Bustier’s class wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth! The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and they had time off from school! They quickly arranged for a potluck styled picnic in the park and most of their group had arrived by the allotted time…

“Hey, where’s Marinette and Felix?” Max questioned.

“Don’t know about Felix but you know my girl, she’s always running late,” Alya chuckled.

“They’re probably coming together!” Rose chirped from beside a nodding Mylene. Juleka seemed to be murmuring something about a Felinette fan club to a perplexed Ivan.

The Ladyblogger scoffed, “Yeah right. They can barely stand each other at school.” Alix seemed to be quietly chuckling at something Nathaniel was muttering about from the shade of a nearby tree.

Nino and Adrien shared a look beside a smug Kim. “They seemed pretty chummy to me,” the jock shrugged while the other two boys nodded emphatically.

Lila crossed her arms with a huff, “I tried to tell you, Aly—”

“Pardon our tardiness, someone couldn’t pick what flavor juice they wanted…” interrupted Felix with an annoyed tone.

Everyone turned to see the grumpy blond, who had suddenly appeared and was setting down a few boxes of pastries from the boulangerie. He was dressed in a crisp white linen button up, the long sleeves belying the warmth in the air, with his typical grey vest and slacks. Trailing behind was a contrite looking Marinette carrying a large jug of grape juice, her flirty grey skirt and short-sleeved white blouse with white embroidery seeming to match Felix in a casual way. Most present would agree that that was the best way to describe the pair: formal vs. casual, yet somehow complimentary. Well, most people anyway – Alya called it a coincidence!

“There were too many options,” she protested with a scoff, “rich people apparently like to have a bazillion different kinds of juice!”

“It’s called ‘having a selection’ and that’s not even a number!” The boy snarked back, wandering closer to Adrien with an eyeroll. The designer grumbled as she poured herself a cup of juice.

“Now that everyone’s here, let’s get this party started!” Nino cried while pumping a fist in the air, cueing Max to start up the tunes while the group mingled over snacks and students settled into a rough circle on a collection of picnic blankets.

Everyone was laughing and having a good time, although many were stealing glances at the bluenette and pale blond as they seemed to coordinate or maneuver around each other like some kind of elaborate dance. His hand steadying her elbow as she wobbled while getting up, her wordlessly placing a few extra cheese squares onto his plate, a tap or a smile or a shoulder bump somehow communicating each other’s needs without words. The food began to dwindle after a couple amicable – if scrutinizing – hours passed. All that remained was a handful of badly bruised fruit and the dwindling drink supply. It was during a moment when Marinette was refilling her cup with juice at the nearby table and Felix turned a certain way that it happened…

“Uh, Fe… You have something on your collar.” Adrien pointed towards his own neck to indicate the general location. “Did you spill something on yourself?”

“No,” puzzled the teen in question, popping open the top button, pulling the collar away from his neck and into the edges of his field of vision.

“Yeah, dude, it kinda looks like lipstick?” Nino helpfully contributed.

Felix face morphed into a flat look of irritation before leaning back to call over his shoulder, “You got lipstick on me again?”

‘AGAIN?’ The class thought simultaneously, shocked speechless.

Oblivious to the turmoil he had created in their classmates, the grumpy blond turned to speak directly to the approaching bluenette. “What is it with you and always leaving marks on me, hm?”

Jaws slackened, unsure what to make of such a bold statement. However, Alya’s eyes had zeroed in on the exposed skin around Felix’s collar bones and shoulder… which were covered in light scratches. Scratches that were obviously made by human fingernails rather than by an animal. ‘As if given in the heat of passion…’ The thought caused her to choke on a bite of food and left her coughing roughly to clear her windpipe.

“It’s not like I meant to—AH!” Marinette’s toe caught on a rock, lurching her forward and causing the grape juice to go airborne. As if in slow motion, everyone watched in silent fascination as the purple stream crashed down on Felix. With a bland look and soft growl, the now wet teen dragged a hand down his face and looked into the bluebell eyes staring at him in horror. A silent conversation seemed to pass between the two as everyone held their breath – Adrien’s cousin was not known for being forgiving, especially when it came to his clothes. After a couple seconds, the young designer scrambled up and began to blot his face and neck with a few wrinkled napkins that she had crushed in her hand when she fell.

“Oh gods… I’m so, so sorry, Felix!” They watched as his brow furrowed and he captured the wrist of one fussing hand in his. Just as he was about to open his mouth to give a – likely scathing – retort, she suddenly perked up with a determined glint in her eye. In one fluid motion she reversed his hold and yanked them both to their feet. “I know! Let’s go back to my house so you can change, I have one of your shirts from last time!”

With a quick tug and a brusque ‘see ya’ over her shoulder, the two were off! The drenched blond stumbling after the exuberant bluenette bounding gracefully across the grass, moving so fast that they were quickly out of earshot. Leaving behind the cacophony of vocalized reactions of their friends and classmates to such a proclamation…

“Wait—”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN—”

“…Last time?”

“Do you think that means they…”

“DUDE!”

“…my ship…”

“Damn, get it, bro!”

“Did you see…”

“I told you so!”

“What just happened?!”

“Ridiculous! If you hadn’t already told me, Sabrina, I would not have believed it.” Chloe’s muttered words, although not loud, cut through the din and silenced all present. Twelve sets of eyes landed on the duo as if seeking answers or insider gossip.

“Wait! What do you know, Sabrina?” Alya questioned with narrowed eyes.

“Well…” she hesitated, looking around nervously before dropping her eyes to the checkered pattern of the blanket she sat on. “My dad said, the other night…”

~~~SCENE 13: The Confrontation~~~

No one was really sure how it started but the newest ‘golden couple’ was in the middle of an argument during their free period. Madam Bustier had left to gather more materials for later coursework. Everyone watched with silent interest as Marinette and Felix seemed to forget that the rest of the room existed, teasing smirks and flashing eyes only for each other.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah!”

“You and what army?”

“I don’t need an army, I can best you all by myself.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

The class collectively held their breath as the two edged closer and closer. The space between them on their shared bench disappeared as they leaned in, eyes locked together as grey gazed deeply into blue, nose to nose and humid breaths mingling as they continued to banter. Marinette’s bangs brushed Felix’s forehead as he tilted his head and his features adopted a more cocksure appearance, as if he was challenging her. She leaned ever closer, their lips only a whisper apart as their voices dropped in timbre. Time seemed to slow to a stop in the classroom. The anticipation was so thick that it was choking every ambient sound into silence…

“JUST KISS ALREADY!”

In an instant the spell was broken. Everyone jumped at the screeched words and searched for the source. There stood a panting, flushed Juleka. Her hands planted on her desk as she leaned aggressively forward, a fierce fire burning in her eyes as they bored into Marinette and Felix – as if the strength of her will alone would make it happen. A few groans were heard as the couple leaned away with widened eyes, only now realizing they had an audience.

“What did you say?” questioned the pale blond, his lips turning down into a frown.

“We’re saying you don’t need to hide your relationship anymore,” Ivan smiled softly.

“Guys, what…” the young designer chuckled incredulously.

“We know you two are dating,” answered Kim plainly.

Marinette and Felix’s ruddy complexions mirrored each other, their eyes looking like they might pop from their sockets. The two tripped over their words to contradict but neither were able to get more than a “we’re not—“/”that’s not—” as their tongues tumbled about uselessly in their mouths.

“Don’t even try to deny it, we’ve all seen you two. It’s not like you’re very subtle, Dupain-Cheng!” Chloe crossed her arms and stared down her nose at them.

The tall blond boy was the first to recover, his brow furrowing. “Wait, what do you mean you saw us?”

“I saw you cuddling in the park,” Adrien offered softly.

“And in the library,” Nathaniel contributed while Juleka got herself under control.

“All of you know that Marinette is very physically affectionate, especially when she’s cold.” Felix defended.

Alix scoffed, “What about holding hands and carrying her bags?”

“She’s also incredibly clumsy and regularly hurts herself. I do that to keep her from faceplanting every three meters,” he argued while Mari chuckled softly.

“You two regularly share drinks,” Lila rolled her eyes at the gasped “sorry for not believing you, girl!” coming from Alya beside her.

“And made him bento lunches!” squealed a lovesick Rose.

“Hey! I told you I made those on a whim!” the young designer cried.

“Then why were there so many hearts?” Mylene innocently questioned.

The bluenette blushed, “They were supposed to be flowers…I’m not very good at cutting shapes with a knife.”

“Well, Ondine and I saw you all lovey-dovey at the movies,” presented Kim with an eyebrow waggle.

She crossed her arms and huffed, “I was researching 1950’s American fashion for a design!”

“Uh…dudette…we saw him kiss you,” Nino nervously murmured. Although, by the way the whole class gasped, they had heard him. The Moroccan boy quickly added, “it was on the head!”

Marinette squeaked and looked at the slightly pink boy beside her. Felix turned to meet Nino’s eye, “…she was ill with a fever and I had my hands full, if you will recall.”

Lila’s tone turned salacious, “That doesn’t even cover the scandalous moments…”

“You did seem awfully cuddly playing video games at lunch the other day,” Max stated while adjusting his glasses.

“B-but th-that was…” the designer stuttered weakly before being interrupted.

“Sabrina’s father caught you hooking up in the park,” Kim smirked and winked towards Felix, who showed the telltale signs of a flush spreading up his neck and ears.

“Not to mention the lipstick and scratches!” Alya leaned towards Marinette and whisper shouted, “I didn’t know you had it in you, girl!”

“And he has clothes at your place from last time,” purred the Italian.

“That’s…” the bluenette swallowed hard, “I-I-I was tr-trying to save a k-kit-kitten from the tr-tree in the p-park. F-Felix ca-caught me when I s-slipped, damaged hi-his clothes… He left his sh-shirt for m-me to repair it and he for-forgot to p-pick it up.”

The blond kept his eyes down, his voice was quiet but still carried in the small classroom, “I recently discovered a new allergy to a certain laundry detergent that makes me very itchy and I’ve been scratching myself…”

“Um…what about the lipstick?” a bashful Adrien murmured.

“I hav-haven’t gotten m-m-much sleep lately…” began the designer, pressing her palms together in her lap nervously.

“…She has a tendency to fall asleep on me if I carry her,” Felix finished quietly, his grey eyes holding unreadable emotions.

“We’re just friends,” they flatly replied, their expressions reflecting some internal conflict while unable to meet the other’s eye.

Most of the students collectively groaned again as they hunkered back down into their seats, unable to stand that phrase. Fourteen sets of eyes exchanged looks as the information sank in. The couple’s explanation made a lot of sense in hindsight… Nino and Kim had known Mari for years and she was overly physically affectionate. ‘Plus Alya knows the girl was even more so with cold weather,’ the Moroccan boy thought. He and Kim shrugged it off, who were they to judge? Many others are willing to brush it off as a misunderstanding now that the excitement had passed.

On the other hand, Adrien seemed to grow more flustered since the declaration of friendship, shooting furtive glances towards Marinette – his imagination running wild with the idea of cuddling with the soft, sweet-smelling baker girl. ‘Maybe she and I…’ He was jolted from his daydreams by a tap from Nino’s pen on his arm. The model’s ears and cheeks felt like they would permanently sport a pink coloration. A few Adrienette fan club members squealed quietly as they observed his reactions. However, there were a few classmates that were still suspicious – such as Chloe and Sabrina – that quickly found home with the handful of Felinette shippers as they charted their theories. Some things just felt too convenient and damn, if they didn’t make an adorable couple…

REET! REET! REET!

The akuma alert popped up on every phone in the class, everyone opened it to see the location— BOOM!

RIIIIIING!

A plume of dust rose above the rooftops from a few blocks away and the school’s evacuation bell blared overhead. The students quickly grabbed their things and calmly evacuated away from the action. They all failed to notice a still pink Felix Graham-Agreste grab the hand of a flustered Marinette Dupain-Cheng before running furiously in the opposite direction…

~~~ BONUS SCENE~~~

The akuma took longer than usual. They were both off their game. First, the heroes had been distracted and submerged in the thoughts contained within their own minds. Their communication suddenly became stilted and awkward, filled with embarrassed laughter that would die out like a sputtering engine running out of fuel. Then it was as if they were hyperaware of each other – every touch, glance, and proximity – causing them to jerk away at the most inopportune times.

The worst part?

It wasn’t caused by the akuma.

The issues were not resolved by the Miraculous Cure. So, after recharging – and getting a peptalk from – their kwamis, they rendezvoused on the top of a tall building where they would not be overheard. Feet dangling over the edge, they decided to clear the air.

“I just can’t believe they thought we were dating!” Ladybug cried, her hands fluttering anxiously around her head.

"That cover story about the kitten in the park was genius though." Chat Noir chuckled, “I’m honestly not as surprised. You did suddenly act much closer to me after you revealed your identity.”

“Excuse moi? I was NOT the one that revealed to you! I seem to recall saving your leather-clad butt from being revealed to all of Paris.” The spotted heroine poked him in the shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah…” the black-cloaked hero rolled his eyes, “and you happened to drop your transformation right as we barreled headlong into that broom closet. You landed right on top of me!”

“Fine, I saved both of our asses, Alley Cat!” she grinned teasingly.

Chat threw his head back with a joyous laugh, a more natural grin spreading across his face as he flirtatiously waggled his eyebrows. “Alley Cat who? Our classmates seem to think I’m a House Cat now, Bugaboo.”

Ladybug’s cheeks pinked under her mask at the implication of his joke, her eyes breaking away from his to refocus on another point on the skyline pensively. Had he said something wrong? The lines of Chat’s mouth tugged down at her reaction, leaning closer in an attempt to meet her eyes again when her whisper froze him in place.

“…is the idea of being MY kitty so ridiculous…?”

His eyes widened. Chat swallowed thickly, his mind supplying the same sweet moments their classmates had witnessed and more as his face burned up. Perhaps even a bassinet, family dinners, and kisses. Gods, that sounded…purrfect. A wide grin blossomed from the ashes of his frown and he leaned into her peripherals to catch her eye with a flirty wink.

“Does that mean my princess would like to become my queen?”

The bug-heroine’s eyes snapped to meet his, filled with enough warmth and love to knock the air from his lungs. Within seconds, a playful sparkle and a bright smile broke across her face as she leaned right into his personal space to peck his cheek. His face grew hot, smile lopsided, and he could swear his spine melted a little.

“If you can catch me, Kitty,” launching herself from the building with a laugh as she swung away.

Shaking himself from his stupor, he pulled out his baton and plunged off the side. Challenge accepted. He had a bug to catch!

‘Looks like our classmates will have more to talk about tomorrow…’

**Note: I plan to write a sequel eventually!

[beybaldes]

a soft place to land

summer sleepover masterlist

roy kent x gn!reader

summary: “i’m never more at peace than i am in your arms.”

content warning : me once more deciding Roy’s sister is called Molly

an : technically a part 2 to ‘but never not sweet for the trust funds and punishers’ requested by the ever so lovely @onceuponaoneshotfanfic !! But can be read as a stand-alone fic too

Roy had never been good at emotions, let alone being comforted. He can remember being 8 years old and scraping his knee; he cleaned off the scrape and applied the plaster all by himself. And when Molly noticed the blue plaster covered in spaceships adorned on his knee and offered to kiss it better, like she could remember their mum doing for her before, he gave a very loud ‘no’ and ran right back out into the garden.

He just wasn’t good at it, at accepting the love people tried to offer him. At least, until you had come along.

Roy had been at Chelsea for approximately 5 weeks when he finally had the chance to meet you, his new neighbour, and even back then he’d been his gruff and gloomy self.

Roy had been at Chelsea for approximately 7 weeks when you showed up on his doorstep with a case of his favourite beer in hand and a bag full of takeout after barely having spoken more then two words to him.

“Regardless of if you’ve read the article or not, I’m coming in and we’re talking about it.” His face twisted in confusion, to which you pulled out a rolled up magazine from under you arm, the title reading in big, black font ‘Roy Kent; legend in the making and in the bedroom.’

“Some people will do anything for their five minutes of fame.” You’d scoffed, waiting for Roy to hand you two plates so that you could serve up the takeaway you’d brought over. “I hope you know this says nothing about you and everything about the shithead who sold out on you.”

Roy was silent the whole time, only grunting a response when it actually occurred to you to ask him if he even liked Chinese food; which, of course he did. You had to practically guide him to his couch and force him to eat, let alone talk to you about it.

“How are you feeling, Roy-o?” At some point, though Roy couldn’t remember when, you’d finished your meal and saddled up next to him, your knees pressed against his thigh as you sat facing him. “I mean, at best the whole of England knows you’re an absolute sex god. But i can imagine it’s not nice being on the front page of a magazine for gossip, or being sold out by whoever you were seeing.”

You finally elicited a response from Roy when you moved your hand to the back of his neck, settling your fingers in his hair which had him crashing back to reality and jumping away from you. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Um, comforting you? What the fuck does it look like you prick?”

And just like that, you’d worked your way into his heart and he knew he was never going to get you back out of it.

Despite that being years and years ago, Roy had only just reached a point where he would seek you out for comfort when he needed it. More then a decade on, he still had girls left, right, and centre fucking him, stealing from him and then selling the story of it to the press. And he still had you, waiting with open arms and a listening ear to make it all go away.

Like tonight, he was once again laying between your legs, his head against your chest and your fingers combing through his hair. This time though, there was no one night stand selling his sex stories or stealing his Rolex, he simply just wanted to be with you, in your arms.

“I’m never more at peace then I am in your arms.” He whispered. The confession was out of left field for Roy; he didn’t do soft. Well, you knew that wasn’t entirely true, he was always soft with you, even if it had taken you years to show him that was okay and convince him he didn’t have to wait for you to hug him first. But saying it instead of showing it? This was an entirely different realm of braveness for Roy. “I know I’m not the best at, talking, I guess, but you make life easier. Would stay here forever if I could.”

Tears threatened to cloud your vision and it felt like your throat was closing up. It was unbelievable, to see Roy become the person he had, from way back when he’d just arrived to Chelsea to now, at Richmond as a coach. It almost felt like you had an entirely different person before you. But you didn’t. His hair still felt the same when you ran your fingers through it, he still had the same deep and gruff voice and he still threw his head back with laughter and a wide smile every-time you watched stepbrothers. Roy was still the Roy he always had been, but now he was better at showing people that version of himself.

“Will do all that I can to keep you here forever, Roy-o.” You tilted his head back, keeping your hands cupping each side of his face as you leant forward, pressing a slow and soft kiss to his lips. They were slightly chapped and the scruff of his beard tickled your skin, and the hand that moved to cup the back of your head and keep you kissing him rid of the ounce of worry you had that you’d read too much into things. “I love you, Roy. I have for a long time.”

There was a long moment of silence between the two of you, but it didn’t worry you in the slightest. Whether or not Roy was able to say it, you knew that he loved you. The blush that coated his cheeks told you enough if his actions and words across the years hadn’t.

“Aw you’re blushing, you must love me.”

“Fuck off.” Roy turned his attention back to the tv, not containing the smile that pulled at his lips at the thought alone - you loved him. He intertwined his fingers with yours, pulling your hand to cup his face again and pressing a kiss to the inside of your wrist. “I love you too.”

[wolfliving]

It starts with him

What was once a promise of technology to allow us to automate and analyze the environments in our physical spaces is now a heap of broken ideas and broken products. Technology products have been deployed en masse, our personal data collected and sold without our consent, and then abandoned as soon as companies strip mined all the profit they thought they could wring out. And why not? They already have our money.

The Philips Hue, poster child of the smart home, used to work entirely on your local network. After all, do you really need to connect to the Internet to control the lights in your own house?  Well you do now!Philips has announced it will require cloud accounts for all users—including users who had already purchased the hardware thinking they wouldn’t need an account (and the inevitable security breaches that come with it) to use their lights.

Will you really trust any promises from a company that unilaterally forces a change like this on you? Does the user actually benefit from any of this?

Matter in its current version … doesn’t really help resolve the key issue of the smart home, namely that most companies view smart homes as a way to sell more individual devices and generate recurring revenue.

It keeps happening. Stuff you bought isn’t yours because the company you bought it from can take away features and force you to do things you don’t want or need to do—ultimately because they want to make more money off of you. It’s frustrating, it’s exhausting, and it’s discouraging.

And it has stopped IoT for the rest of us in its tracks. Industrial IoT is doing great—data collection is the point for the customer. But the consumer electronics business model does not mesh with the expected lifespan of home products, and so enshittification began as soon as those first warranties ran out.

How can we reset the expectations we have of connected devices, so that they are again worthy of our trust and money? Before we can bring the promise back, we must deweaponize the technology.

Guidelines for the hardware producer

What we can do as engineers and business owners is make sure the stuff we’re building can’t be wielded as a lever against our own customers, and to show consumers how things could be. These are things we want consumers to expect and demand of manufacturers.

Control

Think local

Decouple

Open interfaces

Be a good citizen

1) Control over firmware updates.

You scream, “What about security updates!” But a company taking away a feature you use or requiring personal data for no reason is arguably a security flaw. 

We were once outraged when intangible software products went from something that remained unchanging on your computer, to a cloud service, with all the ephemerality that term promises. Now they’re coming for our tangible possessions.

No one should be able to do this with hardware that you own. Breaking functionality is entirely what security updates are supposed to prevent! A better checklist for firmware updates:

Allow users to control when and what updates they want to apply. 

Be thorough and clear as to what the update does and provide the ability to downgrade if needed. 

Separate security updates from feature additions or changes. 

Never force an update unless you are sure you want to accept (financial) responsibility for whatever you inadvertently break. 

Consider that you are sending software updates to other people’s hardware. Ask them for permission (which includes respecting “no”) before touching their stuff!

2) Do less on the Internet.

A large part of the security issues with IoT products stem from the Internet connectivity itself. Any server in the cloud has an attack surface, and now that means your physical devices do.

The solution here is “do less”. All functionality should be local-only unless it has a really good reason to use the Internet. Remotely controlling your lights while in your own house does not require the cloud and certainly does not require an account with your personal information attached to it. Limit the use of the cloud to only the functions that cannot work without it.

As a bonus, less networked functionality means fewer maintenance costs for you.

3) Decouple products and services.

It’s fine to need a cloud service. But making a product that requires a specific cloud service is a guarantee that it can be enshittified at any point later on, with no alternative for the user owner. 

Design products to be able to interact with other servers. You have sold someone hardware and now they own it, not you. They have a right to keep using it even if you shut down or break your servers. Allow them the ability to point their devices to another service. If you want them to use your service, make it worthwhile enough for them to choose you.

Finally, if your product has a heavy reliance on the cloud to work, consider enabling your users to self-host their own cloud tooling if they so desire. A lot of people are perfectly capable of doing this on their own and can help others do the same.

4) Use open and standard protocols and interfaces.

Most networked devices have no reason to use proprietary protocols, interfaces, and data formats. There are open standards with communities and software available for almost anything you could want to do. Re-inventing the wheel just wastes resources and makes it harder for users to keep using their stuff after you’re long gone. We did this with Twine, creating an encrypted protocol that minimized chatter, because we needed to squeeze battery life out of WiFi back when there weren’t good options.

If you do have a need for a proprietary protocol (and there are valid reasons to do so):

Document it. 

If possible, have a fallback option that uses an open standard. 

Provide tooling and software to interact with your custom protocols, at the very least enough for open source developers to be able to work with it. This goes for physical interfaces as much as it does for cloud protocols.

If the interface requires a custom-made, expensive, and/or hard-to-find tool to use, then consider using something else that is commonly available and off the shelf instead.

5) Be a good citizen.

Breaking paid-for functionality on other people’s stuff is inherently unethical. Consider not doing this! Enshittification is not a technical problem, it is a behavioral one. Offer better products that are designed to resist enshittification, and resist it yourself in everything you do.

Nothing forced Philips to do what they are doing: a human made a decision to do it. They could have just as easily chosen not to. With Twine’s server lock-in, at least we chose to keep it running, for 12 years now. Consider that you can still make a decent living by being honest and ethical towards the people who are, by purchasing your products, paying for your lifestyle. 

We didn’t get here by accident. Humans made choices that brought us to this point, and we can’t blame anyone for being turned off by it. But we can choose to do better. We can design better stuff. And we can choose not to mess things up after the fact.

We’re putting this into practice with Pickup. (We also think that part of an IoT reset is giving users the creative freedom of a general-purpose device.) If you’re looking for something better and our product can fill a need you have, consider backing us. We cannot claim to be perfect or have all of the answers, but we are absolutely going to try. The status quo sucks. Let’s do something about it.

Published October 15, 2023 By Jeremy Billheimer

[phoenixyfriend]

Ko-Fi prompt from Isabelo:

Hi! I'm new to the workforce and now that I have some money I'm worried it's losing its value to inflation just sitting in my bank. I wanted to ask if you have ideas on how to counteract inflation, maybe through investing?

I've been putting this off for a long time because...

I am not a finance person. I am not an investments person. I actually kinda turned and ran from that whole sector of the business world, at first because I didn't understand it, and then once I did understand it, because I disagreed with much of it on a fundamental level.

But... I can describe some factors and options, and hope to get you started.

I AM NOT LEGALLY QUALIFIED TO GIVE FINANCIAL ADVICE. THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE.

What is inflation, and what impacts it?

Inflation is the rate at which money loses value over time. It's the reason something that cost 50 cents in the 1840s costs $50 now.

A lot of things do impact inflation, like housing costs and wage increases and supply chains, but the big one that is relevant here is federal interest rates. The short version: if you borrow money from the government, you have to pay it back. The higher the interest rates on those loans, the lower inflation is. This is for... a lot of reasons that are complicated. The reason I bring it up is less so:

The government offers investments:

So yeah, the feds can impact inflation, but they also offer investment opportunities. There are three common types available to the average person: Bonds, Bills, and Notes. I'll link to an article on Investopedia again, but the summary is as follows: You buy a bill, bond, or note from the government. You have loaned them money, as if you are the bank. Then, they give it back, with interest.

Treasury Bills: shortest timeframe (four weeks to a year), and lowest return on investment. You buy it at a discount (let's say $475), and then the government returns the "full value" that the bond is, nominally (let's say $500). You don't earn twice-yearly interest, but you did earn $25 on the basis of Loaning The Government Some Cash.

Treasury Notes: 2-10 year timeframe. Very popular, very stable. Banks watch it to see how they should plan the interest rates for mortgages and other large loans. Also pretty high liquidity, which means you can sell it to someone else if you suddenly need the cash before your ten-year waiting period is up. You get interest payments twice a year.

Treasury Bonds: 20-30 years. This is like... the inverse of a house mortgage. It takes forever, but it does have the highest yield. You get interest payments twice a year.

Why invest money into the US Treasury department, whether through the above or a different government paper? (Savings bonds aren't on sold the set schedule that treasury bonds are, but they only come in 30-year terms.)

It is very, very low risk. It is pretty much the lowest risk investment a person can make, at least in the US. (I'm afraid I don't know if you're American, but if you're not, your country probably has something similar.)

Interest rates do change, often in reaction or in relation to inflation. If your primary concern is inflation, not getting a high return on investment, I would look into government papers as a way to ensure your money is not losing value on you.

This is the website that tells you the government's own data for current yield and sales, etc. You can find a schedule for upcoming auctions, as well.

High-yield bank accounts:

Savings accounts can come with a pretty unremarkable but steady return on investment; you just need to make sure you find one that suits you. Some of the higher-yield accounts require a minimum balance or a yearly fee... but if you've got a good enough chunk of cash to start with, that might be worth it for you.

They are almost as reliable as government bonds, and are insured by the government up to $250,000. Right now, they come with a lower ROI than most bonds/bills/notes (federal interest rates are pretty high at the moment, to combat inflation). Unlike government papers, though, you can deposit and withdraw money from a savings account pretty much any time.

Certificates of Deposit:

Okay, imagine you are loaning money to your bank, with the fixed term of "I will get this money back with interest, but only in ten years when the contract is up" like the Treasury Notes.

That's what this is.

Also, Investopedia updates near-daily with the highest rates of the moment, which is pretty cool.

Property:

Honestly, if you're coming to me for advice, you almost definitely cannot afford to treat real estate as an investment thing. You would be going to an actual financial professional. As such... IDK, people definitely do it, and it's a standby for a reason, but it's not... you don't want to be a victim of the housing bubble, you know? And me giving advice would probably make you one. So. Talk to a professional if this is the route you want to take.

Retirement accounts:

Pension accounts are a kind of savings account. You've heard of a 401(k)? It's that. Basically, you put your money in a savings account with a company that specializes in pensions, and they invest it in a variety of different fields and markets (you can generally choose some of this) in order to ensure that the money grows enough that you can hopefully retire on it in fifty years. The ROI is usually higher than inflation.

These kinds of accounts have a higher potential for returns than bonds or treasury notes, buuuuut they're less reliable and more sensitive to market fluctuations.

However, your employer may pay into it, matching your contribution. If they agree to match up to 4%, and you pay 4% of your paycheck into an pension fund, then they will pay that same amount and you are functionally getting 8% of your paycheck put into retirement while only paying for half of it yourself.

Mutual Funds:

I've definitely linked this article before, but the short version is:

An investment company buys 100 shares of stock: 10 shares each in 10 different "general" companies. You, who cannot afford a share of each of these companies, buy 1 singular share of that investment company. That share is then treated as one-tenth of a share of each of those 10 "general" companies. You are one of 100 people who has each bought "one stock" that is actually one tenth of ten different stocks.

Most retirement funds are actually a form of mutual fund that includes employer contributions.

Pros: It's more stable than investing directly in the stock market, because you can diversify without having to pay the full price of a share in each company you invest in.

Cons: The investment company does get a cut, and they are... often not great influences on the economy at large. Mutual funds are technically supposed to be more regulated than hedge funds (which are, you know, often venture capital/private equity), but a lot of mutual funds like insurance companies and pension funds will invest a portion of their own money into hedge funds, which is... technically their job. But, you know, capitalism.

Directly investing in the stock market:

Follow people who actually know what they're doing and are not Evil Finance Bros who only care about the bottom line. I haven't watched more than a few videos yet, but The Financial Diet has had good energy on this topic from what I've seen so far, and I enjoy the very general trends I hear about on Morning Brew.

That said, we are not talking about speculative capital gains. We are talking about making sure inflation doesn't screw with you.

DIVIDENDS are profit that the company shares to investors every quarter. Did the company make $2 billion after paying its mortgages, employees, energy bill, etc? Great, that $2 billion will be shared out among the hundreds of thousands of stocks. You'll probably only get a few cents back per stock (e.g. Walmart has been trading at $50-$60 for the past six months, and their dividends have been 57 cents and then 20.75 cents), but it adds up... sort of. The Walmart example is listed as having dividends that are lower than inflation, so you're actually losing money. It's part of why people rely on capital gains so much, rather than dividends, when it comes to building wealth.

Blue Chip Stocks: These are old, stable companies that you can expect to return on your investment at a steady rate. You probably aren't going to see your share jump from $5 to $50 in a year, but you also probably won't see it do the reverse. You will most likely get reliable, if not amazing, dividends.

Preferred Stocks: These are stock shares that have more reliable dividends, but no voting rights. Since you are, presumably, not a billionaire that can theoretically gain a controlling share, I can't imagine the voting rights in a given company are all that important anyway.

Anyway, hope this much-delayed Intro To Investing was, if not worth the wait, at least, a bit longer than you expected.

Hey! You got interest on the word count! It's topical! Ish.

[shou-jpeg]

-Back on the Beat-

Part 4. 06

One year later

November 19th, 9:50pm 

Kim hits a high note and the crowd goes wild. 

He’s sweaty and high on adrenaline, approaching the end of his largest show yet. 

It’s only a few hundred people, but it’s also a sold out show, and Kim still feels a little overwhelmed with that knowledge.

Porchay is in the crowd. 

He had walked into their apartment five weeks ago and announced to Kim that he was going to celebrate the end of his first year of university by devoting himself wholly to being WiK’s #1 fan; a job he then applied himself to with as much, if not more gusto than he applied himself to studying medicine. 

He looks ridiculous right now, dressed head to toe in unofficial, homemade WiK merch. He’s also holding a handmade sign above his head and Kim has to stop himself from smiling like an idiot every time he looks over at him so his fans don’t start rumours.

They'd agreed to keep their relationship on the down-low, for now. Only while Kim builds his audience, since being single sells.

He holds Chay’s gaze throughout the entirety of the song they wrote together and the people around Chay are definitely noticing. Kim isn’t doing a very good job at being subtle, he thinks.

Oh well. 

He’s exhausted, but he raises his arms over his head and makes a heart with his fingers to thank his audience as he closes the set. The crowd goes wild once more and Chay is giggling into his hand over something.

He’s so cute. 

He’s probably laughing at Kim though, Kim thinks warily. 

~~~

A few days later, Chay announces that a photo of Kim from his concert is going viral on twitter and is doing wonders to boost his popularity both nationally and internationally. Something about people thinking he’s cute?

Kim considers how much he can press and the wary way the bodyguards back at the compound look at him when he walks past. 

He’s definitely not cute.

Porchay won’t let him see his phone though, and he can't be bothered to check himself.

Whatever. So long as it’s getting him good reviews.

May 23rd, 6:05pm - a few months earlier

“I think Jimbo likes you more than me now.”

Porchay scoffs. “That’s just because I’m the one who feeds him most of the time. You’re always out these days, being all popular and in demand. What will we do when you become proper famous?”

“You don’t like having a popular boyfriend?” Kim pouts, turning to look at Porchay from where he lies on the bed, watching him play with their cat. Porchay only moved in last week, yet he’s taken on being a cat parent like nothing else. Kim has barely even cleaned the litter this past week. It’s been a weird disruption to his daily routine, but it has given him a lot less to worry about with his increasingly erratic schedule. 

He released the song they wrote together last month and it hit the national top 10. He’s had three different studios reach out, wanting to sign him. 

Kim tries not to think about it too much; it’s too overwhelming, how good he feels about it. The bars he usually performs in are starting to become too small for the crowd that he draws. 

He should probably hire a manager. 

Porchay looks up at him. “P’Kim as your biggest fan, I could not be more thrilled to be dating my idol. It’s like I’m living inside of a fanfiction.”

Kim hums, hesitant.

“Does that mean we get to live happily ever after?”

It’s way too soon, they’ve only been together six months. Kim was ready to spend his life with Chay from the moment Chay unblocked him, but he’s pretty sure there are rules around these things. 

Kim isn’t good at this. Porchay told him so himself… though he was smiling at him fondly when he did. 

He’s smiling that same smile at him again now. 

“Yeah,” Chay says, soft. “We get to live happily ever after, p’Kim.”

February 10th, 9:28am

“I want to study medicine.”

Porsche looks at him with almost comical surprise, and Porchay tries not to laugh at his expression.

They’re out at their new weekly brunch date together, and Chay has been waiting for the right moment to bring this topic up. He’s spent a lot of time over the past few months, both on his own and with Kim’s help, figuring out what he wants to do with his future. He’s feeling pretty confident in his choice, but he hasn’t even begun looking at universities yet and enrollments are coming up soon. 

“I’m not sure what field I want to specialise in yet, but I’ve thought a lot about it and medicine feels like the right direction for me. I should have at least a year of classes before I have to choose my field - I want to feel it out a little and see what feels right for me. I was hoping you could help me look at university courses?”

Porsche puts his fork down and settles back, serious but obviously trying to hold back his glee. “Of course, Chay. We can get you into any university you want.”

“No!” Chay interrupts him, “I want to get in on my own merit. I only want help finding a good course… please…”

Porsche smiles at him, big and wide and happy. “You can do it! Come around here, let’s start now!”

Chay gets up and moves around to join Porsche on his side of the table, bringing his phone with him. 

“Okay, so I’ve already been looking at a couple courses. Tell me what you think, hia…”

February 6th, 11:39pm

“What about some sort of doctor?”

Porchay looks up at Kim. 

They’ve been going through lists upon lists of career ideas and quizzes and self help guides. It’s been nearly four hours and Porchay really shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was with the seriousness and intensity at which Kim approached the task. 

Kim loves solving cases and sorting through things. It’s something Porchay discovered recently, and even though the topics themselves sometimes aren’t so cute, the way Kim gets when he has something to solve in front of him definitely is. 

He reaches over to smooth the little furrow between Kim's brows. “What kind of doctor?”

“I don’t know. You said before that you wanted to do something to help people, but didn’t put your own self at risk.” He's right, but it’s also a little left field. All the results from Porchay’s quizzes have pointed him in the direction of something creative, and they haven’t done much research outside of creative careers yet. 

Doctor. 

Porchay thinks about Porsche and his new, scary job. He thinks about Kim and his tendency to push himself too hard. 

He thinks about Khun, and Kinn and all the bodyguards.

Doctor. 

Yeah. Something about that feels right.

January 26th, 10:45am

It’s their two month anniversary and Porchay is nearly jumping on his heels as he waits in the lobby of Kim's building. Kim approaches slowly, trying to look cool and not at all as nervous as he feels inside. 

Chay has been secretive about today, only telling Kim to keep his schedule completely clear. He's been distracted every time they've seen each other over the past couple of weeks abd Kim has had to put a surprising amount of effort into not trying to suss out what Chay has been planning for them. 

An effort that proved even more challenging when Khun's crytic texts began rolling in even couple of days.

Of course it turns out Khun was on the money with everything. As usual.

“You never use it, so I stole it back the other week and made you this.”

November 28th, 10:35am 

“I’m a little nervous.” Chay is sitting across from him, boba tea in hand and a light flush to his cheeks. 

They’re at their usual boba tea spot, but it’s also their first date.

Kim is feeling the same. 

“Mmmm.”

Chay laughs at him lightly. “P’Kim! Are you nervous too? You’ve hardly said anything since we got here.”

Kim takes a moment to consider, looking up from his tea at Chay’s slowly growing smile. 

“...mmmm.” Chay laughs loudly enough that a few people around them turn in their direction. Kim smiles. 

Success.

THE END

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