#or completely embarrass myself (everyday occurrence)

[thatcanadianfangirl]

JJ Maybank// Healing Takes Time pt.3

JJ Maybank X Jade (Booker) Routledge OC

Plot: Jade has a ✨feminine energy✨day with Sarah and Kiara.

Word count: 2.7k+

Content: brother’s best friend, slow burn, underage drinking, foul language.

Disclaimer: the 3rd and final part of healing takes time, it’s not finished but I a year and a half ago and won’t be completing. I really enjoyed writing this but it’s not something I want to continue. I didn’t edited or anything kinda just want this out of my drafts.

{Part One} {Part Two}

———-

Someone laying on the horn in the dirt drive way of the Chateau knocked the relaxation out of my bones. The water lapped at my legs hanging over the dock, my shoulder blades were resting on the rotting wood. I was soaking up the sun cascading over my body and trying to enjoy my workless weekend.

Two car doors slammed shut in the distant and I instantly knew that it wasn't the Twinkie, it had sounds that I associated with home. Soft feminine voices were mumbling and a small smile creeped onto my face.

Sitting up I gathered my worn sneakers, hooking them with one finger each on the same hand. The HMS Pogue danced with the small waves caused by other boats that have passed. Walking up the long L shaped dock water dripped down my calves and imprinted my path onto the wood for thirty minutes.

feet partially dry I managed to shout a mangled greeting as I struggled to slip on my socks. Fumbling with forcing my shoes on, a little too excited to spent the day with them. I hopped off the dock landing wrong. I grained my balance back right before I could knock my teeth out from a brutal wipe out.

"Woah take it easy, Routledge!" Sarah chuckles walking towards me with Kie at her side.

"I don't know what came over me, My body just took over." I say a little sheepish.

It was an overpowering feeling of having female friends, almost like I didn't know what to do with myself. God was it absolutely embarrassing. I always had my brother and he was, most of the time, a good fill in to indulge into girl talk. Although their were some conversations I needed to only share with female friends.

Of course I had acquaintances at Kildare high. They were fun conversations in-between classes to fill in the time, or light gossiping at the boneyard, whenever Kiara pulled me along and she was caught with the boys. they weren't ones I hangout on my own time, it felt like a lot of effort to contain any relationship outside of home and work.

The least I could say was I am starved for female companionship. When Sarah asked us a week ago to go hangout I was ecstatic. The excitement started to stack before I realized and it tipped over causing me to just about snap my ankle in two.

"Honesty. I might be a little euphoric myself." Kiara says, and it stabilized my embarrassment,

"Over here too." Sarah pipes up.

"The aura all three of them bring feels so suffocating at times. I need this day you." She says with mock desperation and lightheartedness dancing in her tone.

"Tell me about it, I have a brother who reeks of that shit," I say with a mouth full of sass, they smile wide holding back fits of laughter.

"I don't mind it." Sarah says with a shrug.

"Absolutely disgusting." I mimic throwing up my bagel and coffee from earlier. "You say that because you haven't lived with the demon for a decade and a half."

"It'll get old fast." Kie says,

"damn right!" I agree enjoying this moment I was sharing with them. Surprised by how easy I fell into conversation with them. Like this was an everyday occurrence, I never wanted this feeling to escape from my fingertips.

"Are you ready?" Sarah questions racking over my attire. I was wearing very worn in short, a blue top and one of John's loose button shirts. It's very beach casual it wasn't too fashion friendly but it wasn't the worst thing I could've worn today.

"Yeah, I'm just going to give John a heads up." I say beginning to approach the house and finding him having a massive cat nap on the porch couch.

Stepping on the porch I slammed the screen door shut, but the bang only managed to halt his loud snored for three seconds. I rolled my eyes knowing this wake up job would take a little work. His entire body stretched along the sofa, his height so tall, the toes of his shoes hung over the arm rest.

One tap against his torn sneaker, "John." My voice holding a vociferous tone in attempt to wake him. But only backfired forcing his snores to become more prominent and stir in his sleep.

what on god's deteriorating earth did this kid do last night to cause him to sleep way into the afternoon? I heard him clamber through the house at three am. very late but at least he made the effort to come home.

"John B!" I hollered right over him.

His body jerked awake and his face held alarm as he sprung to life almost knocking me on my ass in the process. John wiped at his face regaining consciousness. Soon his brown eyes fell into recognition at the sight of me crossing my arms over my chest and eyeing him down with and unamused expression.

"What the Hell is wrong with you, Jade." He said bitterly and aggressively combed his hair back.

"Good Morning to you too sleepy head." I cooed at him as if he were a small child who didn't get what they wanted.

"You're so goddamn annoying." He seethes through his teeth.

"Someone is a little cranky." I mock a pout.

"Why the fuck did you wake me?" He growled grumpily into his palms and I smirk cockily at my suffering brother.

I shrug, "Just wanted to let you know I'm leaving to hang with Kiara and Sarah." I said pointing my thumb over my shoulder. He leans over looking past me and at the two girls resting against the hood of Sarah's SUV. "Hey John B," They snicker in unison.

"Hey." He replied with a rough sleepy voice.

"You're actually hangout with them?" There was a hint of eager happiness wrapped in his tone. I brushed it off and began began battling with the smile that tried to crawl to the surface.

"Me and Kie are alright friends. Sarah just fits in perfectly. And if I'm being honest I need female friends. So I hope you don't mind me stealing yours." I say smugly knowing I'd still hangout with them even if he was fully against it.

"I don't mind one bit." Me says with an ear splitting grin.

"Also I did want to talk to you later." I say not feeling like it was the right time to be bringing it up. Was there ever a right time for it?

"Sure. Anything."

"It's nothing too tremendous." I muster up.

I hope it wasn't because I knew this treasure hunting obsession has gone a little over the edge. I need John to lift the weight off my shoulders a bit. Allow me to breathe and maybe set some money a side for a rainy day. Who Knew how he'd take it, I just have to show him just how desperate I was to have my brother back.

"Okay." he jokes as if I wasn't going to give him an ultimatum.

---

The Surf Shack is an adorable little boutique located in the middle of the island. it wasn't marked as Figure 8 and nor was it part of The Cut. It was centered ground and probably the reason why it's Kie's favourite shop in all of Kildare.

Brand new surf boards lined the back wall, bathing suits towards the left wall and summer clothing to the right. Various string and bulky beaded jewelry Koisks scattered the floor. The theme of the store held a beachy ambiance, it was very soothing and felt familiar.

"What's the colour pallet?" Sarah ask slinging her arm over my shoulder and leaning against me, I become flustered at the close proximity not expecting her to clung on to me like she did.

"Uh.." I stated not really understand the premise of the question.

"Jade it more of a teal or a purple type of person," Kie says after lightly analyzing me and I begin to feel self conscious around them.

Sarah looks at me as if waiting for me to disagree. In all honest I've never had to luxury to pick the colour of my clothing. I purchased whatever fit me and looked at least half decent. So I'm not particularly familiar with my colour pallet.

"I think Kie is right." I pretend like I knew exactly what she meant, but from the look swirling in Sarah's eyes, I knew I failed miserably. I felt absolutely pathetic and began to interrogate my decision to come here with them.

"Lets just take a look around and have a feel for it." Kie says covering up the feeling of awkwardness that started to wedge its self between us.

"Sounds like a good idea." I say relieved, taking myself out of Sarah's grasp and going towards peach-coloured pieces. It didn't take long to find out the price of a single bikini top was far out of my budget. The white tag in my hand from a lime green basic triangle top read $68.

Who in there right mind would pay that much for nipple covers? was this what is was like to not live from pay cheque to pay cheque? because please sign me the fuck up, pronto. God I wonder what it would be like to no look at the price and know I could afford a lousy bikini set.

Looking around I saw Kie and Sarah in different isles sorting through the various styles and colours. I must've been looking like a lost freaking puppy for too long because one of the employees, Henley, walks up to me with a polite smile. She's tall and has perfect blonde hair flowing down her back. Henley definitely was a freaking goddess in her past life, I could tell you that much.

"Is there anything I could help you with?" She says with a mega watt smile, and I gulp nervously hoping she didn't think I was going to tuck this top into my back pocket. I'm not going to lie, it was pretty tempting now that I think about it.

"No, I'm just looking. Thank you for the offer." I say bringing my customer service to life like I knew exactly what I was doing. Caging up the nerves in the process. I could feel the eyes of the Pogues dart to me and I wanted to melted into the floor at the questioning looks.

"Are you sure? Because it looks like you're struggling." She presses and god was it fucking embarrassing. Was it really that hard for her to leave me to my thoughts?

"Hey, Henley, could you help me find a size?" Kie calls,

"Yes of course." She replies instantly. "Will you excuse me?"

"Not a problem." I give her a tight smile. I felt every one of my muscles relax at her retreating back. I could literally kiss the girl for calling the demon off of my spine. Sometimes Kie was an expert at reading my body language and rescued me with a fucking life raft, a good percentage of the time.

I shoved the green top onto the rack again and navigated my way to the clearance section. It crumbled the little ego I had left but it was my own doing for not seeking it out in the first place. I just wanted to feel normal for once and experience something other than The Cut.

The section was more budget friendly but it was less size inclusive. being in this place was like bringing a skate board to the beach. Not the smartest idea but I could make the best of it.

I could feel Sarah come behind me and lay her chin onto my shoulder browsing my selection with me. I oddly enjoyed how touch affection she is, almost like a nice surprise after a tough day.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I could get you one you'll actually like. You've been scouring the rack for five minutes, I can see nothing is catching your eye. It's not a big deal. Think of it as a an early birthday gift."

I can't muster up the words I want to say, because how exactly do I respond to that? Sarah is one of the kindest people I know and I cant possible take advantage of her for a new swimsuit I don't need.

"I appreciate it. Sarah I really do, But I cant ask that." I say in a hushed tone knowing Henley is always keeping an eye on me at all times as she works around the store.

"You're not asking. I'm offering. There's a difference between the two. I've seen how hard you've worked to keep the Chateau alive. You deserve to enjoy something new once in awhile. You're not being selfish, Okay?"

Her tone is soft as she speaks into my ear and I couldn't help the hot tears from sliding down my cheeks. Sarah saw me and still wanted to be here, I felt every emotion I could and they hit me like a semi truck.

Kie had a sixth sense and soon was glued to my hip. Sarah filled her in, as I bite down on my bottom lip forcing the blubbering cries that wanted to escape, at bay.

'Oh Honey." Kie coos fondly and wipes a few tears away but they're soon replaced by fresh ones. "Here." Sarah hands me the keys to her SUV. "Why don't you sit in the car and we'll pick something out of you?" Her voice is sugar and I didn't want to leave her side. But if I didn't leave soon I know it wouldn't take much to have everything in me spilled out.

With a weak nod I mange to take the keys into my grasp almost dropping them at the unexpected weight. I'm a mess and everyone in this place was seeing it first hand. There was no way I would live this down. Hell would freeze over before I ever thought of returning to this shop. That pushy employee, Henley, would recognize me as the one girl from The Cut who broke down in the middle of this god forsaken place.

It felt like the walk of shame as I approached the exit and onto the side walk. With one click on the car fob Sarah's vehicle beeped and flashed as it unlocked. If I didn't have the keys in my hand someone would accuse me of stealing it.

Once I clambered into the backseat I slumped against the leather bench and sobbed into it. everything I was feeling over the last few days had finally rushed out of me in an earthshattering wailing.

---

I wake up disoriented. I'm still wearing day clothes but the moon light from my window is glowing onto my skin. I'm confused and well rested, that was the best fucking sleep I've had in ages. Everything from earlier smashes into my brain like a stone wall, the reason of the best cat nap of my life.

Pent up emotion from John B trying to keep dad alive, The feeling of having friends, and the situation I've found myself in with JJ. It was a lot and I never found the time to really come to terms with it all. I'm glad that everything had left my body. I'm so light that I feel like i'm walking on white fluffy clouds.

A small bag from the Surf Shack had caught my eye, I reach over and snatch it from my nightstand. Pawing at the contents I pull out a gorgeous pastel bikini set, It's either Purple or blue. Hard to in point the colour in the dark room.

Getting off the bed I could hear something else sliding on the paper bag. I stare at it with furrowed eyebrows for a few seconds before I fetch out a necklace. it's a smooth chuck of sea glass with a calico scallop shell thread through thick string.

my heart glows at the gifts they have given me. I swore to myself I'd eventually pay them back. I'm not entirely sure how, but I would.

Flicking the light on I pull the bikini onto my body and it fits perfectly. In the small broken and smudge mirror in the corner of my room, I noted how pretty the colour looked on my skin. I wondered how they knew my correct size.

After wrapping the necklace around my neck I pulled my day clothes back on. With one last glance in the mirror I sauntered out of room in hopes to find the girls responsible for my glow.

[letmebehuman16]

Dear Diary.

Amid nightly storms only they can hear, a narrator chronicles a decent into fear and paranoia. Stalked by eerie figures, and strange events that haunt their daily life. What begins as as a personal diary, quickly turns into a disturbing list of events, documentation of the unexplainable.

(this is an ongoing project.)

15/12/2006

I was looking through some of mum's things, the house was in a complete state and there was a lot to look through, but I found something weird. It was stained and ripped, kind of wrinkled but it was a page filled with these odd scribbles in graphite. None of the words made sense and I couldn't read anything on the page, but it showed how bad she got. I mean, just walking into the house I could tell: Bin bags everywhere, mouldy food, the sink was filled with dishes covered in rotten food, the place smelled absolutely foul like someone had died in it, there were flies everywhere… It was heartbreaking. She's been… strange, i've mentioned that many times, but she was always so clean, or as clean as she could be. Hell, maybe I'm remembering things wrong, but seeing the place where I grew up in such disarray, it's unexplainable. 

Apart from those pages and the mess, I couldn't find a reason for all of this and mum is still unresponsive. 

17/12/2006

I saw something last night. Though, I feel my lack of sleep is the reason for it, it’s not something I can even comprehend or begin to explain. 

I can’t describe it either, I’m stuck with the feeling. It’s like waking up from a nightmare you can’t remember. I still feel the fear. 

My mind is probably playing tricks on me, I can’t say I’ve been looking after myself. A colleague pointed out how unkempt I look which was embarrassing. 

I need to start taking care of myself again but it’s so difficult. I feel like I’m losing time, technically I am, the days are shorter, but it feels like everything is random, nothing is structured anymore. I’ve been able to brush off these weird occurrences as natural things, but it’s worrying me now. Why is everything going wrong? 

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5/1/2007

Where do I even begin? 

Christmas with Ruby’s family was nice, they’re very lively and Christmas dinner was amazing. Ruby got me a tattoo kit and I’ve been practising since. She didn’t have to get me anything. I managed to get her some art supplies, a few oil paints, a canvas and some good pencils. She’s like family, and now, she’s the only thing remotely close to that.

Mum died shortly after Christmas, she had a seizure. I’m still trying to process it all, it was so sudden, and unexpected. I’m hoping writing it down would help, but I can’t think of what to say. The funeral was depressing, as all funerals are, but with such little family it felt more like a sad, sparse gathering than a celebration of her life. I was the only one who said anything about her, and while I tried to think of things to say, I was met with a brick wall. I couldn’t remember anything. Only recent events, her fast downward spiral and the words “I’m sorry.” 

Everything since the funeral has been a blur. I continued to work, I kept to my routine afraid of stepping out and getting lost. Most nights have consisted of staring up at the ceiling, hoping that at some point, I’d be able to rest. It’s all futile. 

Everyday is becoming monotonous, and I feel like I’m slipping through the cracks in reality. I’m hearing things, seeing things that aren’t there, I have a constant feeling that something bad is going to happen— and so far, that feeling has been right. So many bad things have happened. Maybe that feeling is my instinct? Maybe I’m just assuming the worst, or simply, maybe I’m just being paranoid. 

I was working late tonight, short staffing had thrown my reduced hours out of the window. I got that feeling again. Waking up from a nightmare I couldn’t remember. Like I had seen something I couldn’t quite grasp, or comprehend.

 After that feeling passed, the shop was a mess, produce all over the floor, broken glass, liquids and sticky jams spilled and an almost artistic chaos. I spent a while trying to tidy up a mess I didn’t even know the cause of. I don’t think anyone would understand the amount of confusion I’m feeling. 

When I left work, it took me a while to snap out of an almost robotic-like state. I was doing everything automatically, or I’d become more aware of how automatic I had been. Maybe this had been happening for far longer than I thought. 

It’s a new year.

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13/1/2007

Things have improved slightly. So far there have been no weird occurrences, and I’ve been able to get a decent night's sleep. I think I’ve just been so exhausted my body is forcing me to sleep. Either way, I’m grateful for it. 

I had an argument with Ruby, we never usually argue, and when we do it gets patched up pretty quickly. She said some really hurtful things, and in the heat of the moment I let myself crack. We haven’t spoken in a few days. I apologised, but she seems almost adamant on having me out of her life now. I think I really messed up. 

I don't know how to fix things between us, and I really don't want to lose her. 

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17/1/2007

It's only been a few days and I already have so much to cover. I've decided to move. Moving to a different part of the country would be easier, however, too much has happened around me. I don't feel safe here anymore. 

If I moved to a different country, surely whatever has been following me for the past few months would give up. Maybe it's a rash decision, and I should think about this more, but rationality aside, I want to be unknown. I want to start fresh and there's nothing keeping me here anymore. 

I can't explain the recent event that made me seriously consider this possibility, I don't even want to think about it. I just need to start fresh, give myself some sort of stability, and peace. 

I haven't heard anything from Ruby. I don't know what I'm expecting, a heartfelt apology? I tried to visit her place and she either wasn't in, or is ignoring me completely. Either way, her message has been received. She clearly wants to stick by her word this time. 

The strangest thing is, I don't know what caused this. I know I’ve been difficult to be around, and maybe I haven't tried to make an effort like I used to, but surely they're all reasonable excuses. Ok-- maybe I’ve shut her out slightly, but would you blame me? I don't want to drag her into whatever mess I've found myself in. The last thing I want is for her to end up the same way. She's struggled enough. 

During the argument, she wasn’t herself. Usually she's so sarcastic and lighthearted, but it was almost as if she couldn't stand to see me, like my presence brought her physical harm.

For once I am truly alone. It's terrifying. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. 

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10/2/2007

If this diary is found I'm sure you've been reading the entries written above and below. I'm terrified for my life.Please hand this journal to local authorities if found.

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10/2/2007

I handed my notice into work today. I think it's safe to say that my boss wasn't too happy, but it's not my problem anymore. I'm just glad to never have to set foot in that shop again. 

In regards to moving, I have settled on a small town in the US, the area is kind of rough, but rent is cheap enough and even though it's small, it's compact, people nearby, buildings closer together which would give me some sense of security at least. The least of my worries involve people at the moment. 

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15/2/2007

This was posted through my letterbox today. Some of the symptoms are familiar, and it further solidified my decision to move. I'm hoping to get away from all of this stuff. I've stuck it in here to keep it safe, it could be useful.

What's confusing me is who would post this? Who would even have access to this information and why? Why would someone do this to me? 

[izhyperfixates]

i think choso sees me (pathetic woman, gender neutral) and it’s immediately like. interest at first sight

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Collar x Malice Unlimited Yanagi Aiji SS Day After Talk

I’d assume that this story came in one of the booklets that were bundled with the game... but I have no idea which one. 

as always, my translation may not be 100% as I do not translate from Japanese.

Collar x Malice Unlimited Yanagi AIji SS Day After Talk

translation by KumoriYami

"I'm full, dinner was delicious today."

"Hehe, it was just some simple food, ah, let me clear up the table."

"You made almost the entirety of dinner, so the dishes again be cleaned up by you."

"...Thank you, then we'll do it together."

Seeing her shy smile, the corner of my mouth also curled upward unconsciously.

——At this time, we normally have dinner at my house or the office, but today Ichika said that her parents sent wine from her hometown, so I came to trouble Ichika's house.

"Anyway, is it really okay for me to take the rest of the wine back?"

"Of course, I don't usually drink by myself, so if it's at Aiji-san's place, I can accompany you for a few drinks when I go there for dinner."

"In that case, I'll take it then. It's great that your parents' attitudes changed too."

"Well....Perhaps that's thanks to Ajii-san, because my parents really care about saving face, so maybe they're intending to curry favour.. "

"Well, don't belittle yourself, things will be fine."

"It's as you say, sorry, I tend to do that without realizing when talking about home/family."

"I understand what you're thinking, but it doesn't matter since I'm here."

I handed the dishes I washed to Ichika, and she wiped them dry with a towel.

Seeing her solid [the term here is more "secured "] smile, I once again felt that it wonderful for me to be my girlfriend's moral support.

——It wasn't that long ago, that I formally proposed to Ichika. After completing the marriage application, we went to her hometown to visit her parents to ask for their permission.

Her parents were more respectful/earnest than I expected but they didn't appear to be superficial.

Besides, I wanted to prioritise Ichika's mood, so as long she and her parents were able to decently get along, there was no need to force them together. After all, the way the two of us spend our days peacefully was more precious to me than anything else.

"Um... Aiji-san."

"Hm?"

"Um, tonight.... do you want to stay over?"

"....Where's Kazuki?"

"Nn... He's staying at Isshiki-san's place today."

"Then there's no reason for me to refuse."

"That's great! I'll make some dishes that go well with alcohol later, would you like to try some other flavours of nihonshu [Japanese sake]?"

"That's a good idea, sake from Niigata [a prefecture in Japan] taste good, and the one we drank over dinner wasn't satisfying."

"Ah, then you need to take a bath first, I'll get the hot water ready!"

"Hm... but there's no need for you to be in such a hurry...."

Before I could finish speaking, she slipped on her slippers and ran away excitedly.

…….Although it was a common occurrence, her adorable reactions always made me want more.

(This was really challenging my rationality.)

Rather than what's hinted at from staying overnight, it would be better to say that I was looking forward to certain things.

But not all the time since if she found out what I was thinking, I'd feel extremely embarrassed.

Which is why I try to act as indifferently as much as possible.

(.......However, as things stand right now, I'm afraid that that the fact of  how I'm not a rational person has been exposed long ago.)

It would be better to say that recently, she's been exploiting my entanglements and desires to tease me more often...

Although we've been dating for so long... No, it's precisely because of how long our relationship has gone on for, that there's this offensive and defensive battle everyday.

(To others, we're probably lovestruck fools, but this process of seizing the initiative is also quite fun.)

While I was thinking about this, I finished washing the dishes and sorted out the seasonings to put back on the shelf, I suddenly thought of something.

"Aiji-san, the hot water will be ready in ten minutes, and as for the snacks that go well with sake——"

"Say, Ichika."

"? What is it?"

"Let's take a bath together."

"……………….What!?"

Once I finished saying that, as I expected, her eyes widened and her face looked shocked.

Although I was already satisfied from seeing her expression that like that, as these opportunities seldom came, I still wanted to try it.

"You're quite shocked, wasn't your proposal earlier like this."

"Eh... this... um..."

"The bathroom here is quite spacious."

"Aiji-san, are you drunk?"

Ichika's face turned scarlet, and she lifted her head to fiercely stare at me.

......This was a bit unexpected, and her adorable expression made me feel wonderfully jealous——I absolutely could not let any other man see it.

I smiled as I slowly approached her, but the way she kept taking steps to retreat somewhat made me feel heart-broken.

After retreating all the way to the wall like this, I gently approached her.

"It's impossible to get drunk with that amount of alcohol. If you're not willing, it's fine to forget it?"

"That sort of question is too unfair... just wait you, let me think...!"

After saying that, she pushed me out of the way and ran out of the kitchen to sit down on her bed, and stared at the sheets in anguish.

Seeing her serious expression, I truly sympathized, since I had a similar experience, which was from the "suffering" that came from choosing between reasoning and desire.

(Did I overdo it with the bullying...)

However since she didn't immediately reject my proposal, that was already a large enough opening.

But since I was feeling somewhat embarrassed, I was lost in thought as I sat in the living room and stared at the TV. About five minutes later, she stood in front of me.

"Sorry, as expected, I'm still... feeling shy..."

"Nn...I always feel a bit sorry for Kazuki."

"Speaking of which... Aiji-san, are you deliberately teasing me?"

"How could that be? I truly do want to take a bath with you."

"Ugh... Although I really do want to challenge myself..."

From the way she was whispering, I smiled and comforted her by saying "don't force it." At this time, the thermometer on the wall made a pleasant sound. It was the beeped to indicate the hot water was ready.

"The water's ready, I'll wash up first."

At the same time, to express my apologies, I gently patted her head.

Seeing how Ichika had a bit of regret on her face I went into the bathroom.

(......I got carried away again.)

After slapping my face with water, I let out a loud sigh.

I've really had less in control in these sort of situations lately, and while I still had some self-awareness, I however would always get carried away, and needed to reflect on it for now.

I told her before that I was originally a conservative person, and didn't like trying anything new.

It could be said that I was a complete blockhead, even if someone asked "what do you want to do with your love", I wouldn't have any special answers for that sort of question.

But now... if there's something that she wants to do, or if there's something that will make her happy, I want to do it for her without having any regrets.

After all, my intention for doing these sorts of things, was just to see more of her various expressions.

(To get over this.... No, although it's a bit strange to evaluate myself that way, I guess that I've started doing things that match my age.)

But even so, if I do something that distresses my lover, I still need to reflect on it.

While I was thinking about this, I lowered myself into the bathtub full of hot water, and tried to wash my troubles away in the water——

"Um... Aiji-san."

"Hm?"

Suddenly, I heard her voice in my ears, and at the same time, I shifted my gaze towards the bathroom door.

——The bathroom door slowly opened.

"....HA!?!? You..!"

"......Can we take a bath together?"

"......."

I lost to her.

That surrender-like word passed through my mind.

Her tempting figure wrapped in a bath towel appeared outside the door, and she secretly glanced at me.

The long hair which was coiled behind her head, her bare shoulders, and her fair legs, all caught my attention.

"....Is it no good?"

She would have rushed in without saying anything, this was definitely revenge for my earlier actions...

"No, don't worry about those trivial things, hurry up and come in, you'll catch a cold just standing there."

"Nn, thank you."

Did she get rid of her feelings of embarrassment? Or did the reason for her hesitation disappear while I was in the bath?

I don't know what she thinking, but she appeared very calm, and obediently waled in and closed the door behind her.

"Um...can you stop staring at me so much?"

"No, since you've already come in, just give up."

"I'll take a bath first, so please turn around and don't look!"

"I understand, I'll pretend I didn't see anything, don't worry."

"...Are you upset?"

"A bit."

"Hehe, this is payback for your ill intentions just now."

"I think that's...."

As I spoke, she turned her back to me and unscrewed the switch on the shower head.

If I keep staring at Ichika's back, as I've always thought of myself as a pervert in this aspect, I had to move my gaze towards the ceiling to fight against my secret desires.

——Shortly after.

Ichika re-wrapped herself in her bath towel and sat down in the tub. And since there was one more person, a lot of the water in the tub overflowed.

"This is a bit embarrassing/shameful [the word I have here is "to lose face"]..."

"What?"

"Whenever the water spills over, I always feel that it exposes my body's weight, and it might be better to say that it's because I'm too fat..."

"Pfft... no, you, that..."

"Why are you laughing at this!!"

"Rather than that, why aren't you worrying about something else?"

"Eh... do you mean like skin care or something?"

"Why did the topic change to this..."

A woman's heart is really complicated. Perhaps, when I invited her, she was worrying about things that I could not understand as a man.

"Also, don't you think you're too unfair?"

"In what way?"

"Only you are covered."

"Uhm... even if you say that..."

I deliberately showed her a dissatisfied expression, and Ichika lowered her gaze in a panic. The bathroom immediately became silent.

In this silent bathroom, I heard her response.

".....Aiji-san, even though I didn't resist my curiosity and rushed in like this...."

"Hm?"

"I however have absolutely no idea about what should come after..."

"You... it's obvious that I can't resist you at all..."

".....Nn, sorry."

"Even if nothing happens in the bathroom, it won't change what the next location is."

However, since things have reached this point/stage, there was nothing to worry about.

Anyway since there was no one else here, and there was only me and her, only we could see each other.

(In fact, we had already been interested in each other for quite a while, haven't we.

In this narrow bathtub with nowhere to escape to, I slowly extended my arm towards Ichika.

When my wet fingers touched her cheek, she trembled like a frightened deer, and I chuckled at the way she looked.

"Alright, will you obediently come over here?"

".....Okay."

Even if my brain was still thinking rationally before I touched her lips, we couldn't soak in the bathtub for too long.

——But, once you feel the warmth of the other party, the string called reason/rationality in my mind instantly snapped.

I think this offensive and defensive battle will likely never end.

------end------

[ikevamp-shrine]

How would the Ikevamp boys react to their s/o picking them up bridal style?

So this is something someone requested, but I had lost where it went to (if that makes sense) so I don’t have the username of the person who asked for it.

Anyway, thank you (whoever you are) for this wonderful idea/request. Enjoy.

If y’all ask for something please remember to put the characters (besides Vlad, Faust, and Charles) you want, and want type of writing you want (headcannon, fic, drabble).

Characters: Vincent, Theo, Leonardo, Isaac, Mozart, Dazai

Warnings: none

Theo

He was going over possible places to show Vincent’s paintings when he got the shock of his

His mind went absolutely blank when his s/o randomly bounced into the room he was in asking if they could pick them up bridial style

“No.” “Come on Theo don’t be a wimp” “No.” “I’m gonna do it anyway” “wait- no- HOndjIE!!”

The room suddenly shifted as his s/o hosted him into their arms struggling enough to the point Theo threw his arms around their neck

He would stare into their eyes, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks and mumble, “put me down... now”

He would try to be serious but the embarrassment would knock any attempts of that out of the park 

“oh, my, is my big, strong Theo embarrassed?” “Shut it before I put a mussel on you.”

His s/o would kiss him on the cheek then place his feet back on the ground and run away as fast as their legs could carry them

“You better hide in a damn good hiding place Hondjie cause you won’t like what happens when I get my hands on you.”

Dazai

He was climbing through a window when he heard the sound of a rather violent bird breed swooping in to attack his head

Dazai, not wanting to be attacked by a bird did the only reasonable thing he could think of and what any other being would do in his situation... panic and fall backwards towards the hard ground below

His s/o would be doing the laundry outside when she heard the highpitched screech of their lover

He was falling from the freaking third floor

falling, Dazai would hit the many branches of the apple tree he and Arthur had planted outside to tease Isaac with, but even that would not be enough to stop him from completely falling to the ground

Just when he would be about to hit the ground he would squeeze his eyes shut until he would feel two arms wrap around his back and legs

he would say the first thing that comes to his mind, “Jesus is that you?”

Glancing up to thank his savior, aka Jesus, he was quite shocked when it was not the holy being he was expecting

Instead it was his s/o staring down at him with concern when they saw he was okay they smiled, wiggled their eyebrows and said, “I guess you fell for me after all, huh?”

in response he would just smile back, ruffle their hair, and say, “good catch.”

Isaac

Isaac had always been easily flustered, and he would admit that, but never had he been this flustered

his s/o had decided to randomly visit him in the library only to ask him... to pick him up??

he had also never been so confused in his life

“why in God’s name would you want to do such a thing as pick me up?” “just because” they would shrug as if asking to pick Isaac up was the most normal everyday occurrence

“..no..” he would whisper looking anywhere but at his s/o 

his s/o would see their opportunity and would giggle a mischief filled laugh and pick him up anyway

he would let out a noise that would be between a screech, shout, choke, and saying stop

he would go stiff in his s/o’s arms as their laughter would be joined by two other male laughs.....….Arthur and Dazai

Isaac would groan and try his hardest to glare at his smirking s/o but all that would happen is he would end up looking away because he couldn’t look at his s/o without feeling the worst embarrassment ever

“why have you forsaken me so s/o?” “It was a dare Isaac, you’ll live.”

yeah he’ll live alright, but Arthur and Dazai, his personal bullies, would never let him live it down.

Leonardo

He had been sleeping in the hallway for the past few hours and his s/o has seen him been stepped on a total of three times and just when the mansion’s resident pianist was about to add another tally mark his s/o had warned Mozart just in time

“Mozart will you please help me move him?” “And let his tobacco infested skin touch mine? I think I’ll pass.”

Taking matters into their own hands his s/o threw one arm over their shoulders and slipped an arm under his knees pulling him off of the ground

And holding him bridal style

He had woke up to a grunting sound and his body rocking slightly only to see his s/o’s incredibly red face right next to his own

Smirking he said, “that’s my strong cara mia.”

They looked down quickly and next thing he knew he was on the ground rubbing his aching butt looking up at his annoyed s/o

“What was that for???” “Go to bed old man.”

Mozart

He would be in the kitchen late at night fixing himself a cup of coffee when his s/o would randomly pop up beside him scaring him

He would ask,  “Do you not have anything else to do rather than bother me?” which his s/o would respond with staring him down with the world’s greatest puppy dog eyes and say, “can I pick you up?”

He would be shocked but wouldn’t show it other than with a scowl and a snarky, “no, besides your flimsy arms would break in a second.”

He would honestly be worried that he would be too heavy and cause them to accidently hurt themselves

His s/o would frown at his rudeness and would take matters into her own hands by picking him up anyways

he would be lighter than what his s/o would expect so holding him wasn’t a problem... the problem would be he would act like a cat thrown in water once he was suddenly off his feet and in the air (aka- would twist, try to escape with all his might, and practically hiss at his s/o)

“PUT ME DOWN YOU VILE WOMAN!!!”

during all this commotion he would end up spilling his hot coffee all over both of them

he would immediately freeze at the hot sensation and whip his head towards his s/o, concern written on his face, and freak out seeing if they were okay

once he saw his s/o was okay he would sigh in relief then glare at them with the heat of a thousand suns.

Vincent

he would be in the garden with his brother looking for painting inspiration when his s/o would come barreling towards him with a sunflower they had bought from the city a while before

“Vincent! Look at what I found!” 

His s/o’s smile would be so bright he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from smiling with them

“Oh, Oh, and guess what?? There was an arm wrestling contest in the city and I entered myself and I ended up getting second place out of thirty men!”

Vincent would begin to congratulate her when suddenly his brother, Theo, would cut in and say, “no way a scrawny, weak hondjie like you would beat thirty men in an arm wrestling contest.”

At which his s/o would respond with, “I’m strong enough to pick Vincent up.”

Vincent would just smile awkwardly at the scene unfolding in front of him until his brother said the one word that would be the end of Theo “Bet.”

“Theo I wouldn’t suggest betting, they have proven on many occasions to be much stronger than what they appear.”

“No, no, no Vincent, Theo already said bet, so can I pick you up to prove him wrong?” His s/o would ask to which he would responded with a sigh and a nod

Theo’s jaw would drop to the ground when he sees his beloved brother being held bridal style in Vincent’s s/o’s arms with a smug smile on their face.

[hispeculiartreasure]

All We’ve Got is Time - Chapter Three | B.B.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

AU: If They’d Survived/Post-War/Window Washer!Bucky Barnes

Rating: Teen | Due to language

Word count: 2,930

Chapter 3/24

Warnings: Very brief language

AN: Y’all are getting this chapter a night early because I have had a supremely shitty week and could use some cheering up. So far, this has been the chapter I was most nervous to write because it’s from Bucky’s POV. I have felt so incredibly unworthy of trying to delve into this character because so many fantastic writers I know and love write him flawlessly. It’s been so intriguing for me to explore what Bucky would be like post-war and I think I’m liking where this is going. This chapter has actually turned into one of my favorites and I’m proud of how it came out. Sidenote: Did y’all REALLY think I was going to write something completely void of Steve Rogers???? If you did, you don’t know me that well 😉

Chapter Two

Series Masterlist

Mondays usually were accompanied by drowsiness and wistful thoughts of a weekend passed.

Not for Bucky.

For Bucky, Monday meant he could return to a life where he blends in, where he gets to be the one who observes everyone else. Washing windows is not what he wants for the rest of his life, but for now it felt good to be doing something useful, to have tangible results in front of him everyday. Monday morning means having someplace to be, a set schedule for his day, someone counting on him, and quiet stretches of time alone and away from the worried eyes of his family members.

The pitying glances over breakfast were becoming a bit much for him. Bucky loved his family to death, wouldn’t trade them for the world. But for all their ability to give him space to figure his life out, they sure were clueless that he was keenly aware of the way they looked at him, the way they spoke to him. He doesn’t really blame them, he wouldn’t know how to handle himself either. Most days he pastes on a smile, tells them not to worry, he’d be back on his feet soon. Maybe if he said it enough times, he’d actually believe it too.

Unfortunately Monday also meant dealing with the rest of the boneheaded window washing crew. He was constantly reminding himself to go easy on them, they were just kids. But nothing made him more aware of his age and veteran status than being around them. Compared to their carefree countenances, he realized how much he’d been through, how much he’d seen, how much he’d survived. He should be grateful they were able to be total idiots instead of being shipped off to war. But most days he was tempted to share the number of his confirmed kills so they would leave him alone.

Bucky scales down the building, wind tousling his hair as he looks up to count how many floors he’s finished.

That makes this. . . six.

He peers through the window, pretending to be checking the glass. Scanning the office, he doesn’t see you - his disappointment surprising him.

In the week in which he’d been working on the east side of the building he’d seen you every single day. The way you carried yourself was what first caught his eye - you were confident, poised, not demanding attention but not morphing into a wallflower. You cared about your work, always looking intense and focused. And you saw him. Not in the way people usually saw him - as a figure in the window, someone to be ignored and walked past. In the smallest of ways you were kind to him. You waved every single day, always had time to spare him a smile. There was something about you that was calming. Granted, your interactions were minimal and nonverbal. But you didn’t make him nervous. Which was a rare occurrence these days.

Something in him just wasn’t working lately. Every girl he took dancing, he stepped on her toes. Try to share a meal, he couldn’t find anything to chat about. Dating was easier before he left. Or maybe everything had gotten harder since he’d returned home.

He’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit it. Bucky knew he’d changed, he just hadn’t realized how much. Steve had echoed the sentiment a few nights ago.

Reluctantly, Bucky had allowed his idiot friend and Peggy to drag him to a bar after dinner - how the times had changed. It wasn’t one of their old haunts from before the war. Neither Bucky nor Steve could handle the cacophony of noise a club filled with energetic people brought. They bumped into several groups of those kinds of people, including a raucous group of slightly inebriated young women. Suddenly they felt old, weary, uneasy in a place where they used to belong. Or at least where Bucky used to belong, Steve always argued.

This place was quiet, refined even. Conversations were at a dull murmur while a band played casually. No one was here to drunkenly drown their sorrows or celebrate being alive wildly. Almost like everyone here knew the patrons just needed a rest.

“You realize you two don’t have to invite me on all your date nights, right?” Bucky huffed as the three settled at a table near the back.

Peggy smiled coyly.  “Don’t worry, James. You aren’t welcome for the entire night.” Steve choked on his drink, coughing violently while his ears burned pink. Bucky’s response had been something along the lines of “gross”.

After the usual chit-chat, Steve had waited for Peggy to excuse herself to refresh their drinks before broaching the subject.

“Doing okay, pal?”

“I’m fine,” Bucky responded, rolling the last sip of his whiskey in its glass.

“You sure?”

Bucky recognized that voice. Eyes flicking back to Steve’s guilty face, his suspicions were confirmed. “Alright, who’s been in your ear this time? Ma? Becca?”

“I’ve got my own eyes and ears.” Steve waited a beat before adding, “But your ma did mention-” Bucky groaned, not hearing the rest of the sentence. “Don’t be like that. They just care about you, Buck.”

“I know,” he snapped. Then he repeated quietly, “I know.”

“You’ve been dragging a lot. Gotta admit you haven’t been yourself.”

Bucky leaned back, leveling Steve with a hard look. “To tell you the truth, Steve? I don’t know who I am. Nothing that mattered to me before means anything anymore. Once I got to Europe. . . I stopped making plans. Didn’t seem to be much use in dreaming about things that I’d never come home to. But then you, being the punk you are, saved my ass countless times - even caught me falling off a damn train - and somehow I’m back in New York. I didn’t plan on having a 29th birthday or hugging my family again.” He idly scratched at an itchy patch of his beard. “Yet here we are.”

“We’re all lucky to be alive, Buck.”

“But for what?” Silence hung thick in the air at Bucky’s question.

“You know. . .” Steve started, then paused. “I do know where you’re coming from.”

“Don’t try to sell me that bullshit. You’re literally a god-damn hero. There are comic books written about you, movies carrying your name, and you have job security for the rest of your life. You had dinner at the White House on your birthday and bagged a kickass partner in crime. If that’s not purpose, what is?”

Steve had the nerve to look embarrassed. “It may be purposeful. . . but it’s not normal. You know better than anyone else that all I wanted was to do my part in the fight. To say I got more than I bargained for is an understatement.” Bucky could only respond with a snort. “But none of us thought I’d survive the scarlet fever, the arrhythmia, or the anaemia. I was lucky to make it as long as I did. The chances of me surviving the serum injection were laughably low.”

Memories of many days spent at Steve’s bedside float over the table, somehow sobering Bucky even more. “But each year was a surprise. My ma would’ve called it a blessing. I never knew what to do with myself, especially when the war started and I was the only man not being shipped off. . . I was desperate to feel normal. What I got was a hard swing in the other direction.” Steve’s eyes shifted to Peggy at the bar, a whisper of a smile on his lips. “I’m grateful for it, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes I wouldn’t hate it if I had ended up with a stable job, a calm life, and a happy home.

“So I get it. Purpose, normalcy. . . we’re all struggling to find what we lost the last few of years.” Steve clasped Bucky’s shoulder, “But Ma taught me that we always have to stand back up. I don’t care if I have to drag you to your feet, Buck, we’ll get you back up. Whatever we have to do to make it happen.” Bucky knew the stubborn fool in front of him wasn’t going to let him wallow much longer. The tables had turned harshly.

Peggy returned to her seat with three drinks in hand, instantly catching on to the shift in mood that had happened during her absence. Misty-eyed, Steve and Bucky cleared their throats and shifted in their seats.

“And while the pair of you are gallivanting around saving the world, I’m washing windows and living with my family, who don’t know what to do with me.” Bucky had meant it as a joke, but it came out much more bitter than intended.

“Still haven’t heard back from the VA?” Bucky just shook his head at Steve’s question, tossing his drink back in one gulp. “You know you’ll always have a job waiting for you at the SSR as long as me and Peggy are there.”

“Eh, that’s not the kind of normal I’m looking for.”

“What are you looking for?” Peggy asks softly, even gently, for her.

“Guess that’s the million dollar question, huh? A coupla years ago, all I cared about was having a good time and getting through school. Dancing with pretty dames. Maybe get hitched, have some kids.”

“And now?” Peggy prompts in a way that allowed no room for a vague answer.

“I wish I could tell ya, Peg. I really do.”

Peggy’s voice echoed in his mind again.

And now?

Bucky shakes that night from his mind, still not spying you anywhere in the office. Deciding you were either taking a late lunch or were sick, he gets on with his job. Halfway through cleaning the window he notices someone sit at your desk, which was strange. You’ve kept your workplace meticulously tidy since the first day he saw you - surely you wouldn’t appreciate this. Out of the corner of his eye he kept track of the stranger’s movements as he continues to work. Part of him wants to tell the lady to buzz off for you, another part of him can’t wait to watch you take down the person scrambling up your desk, the other part of him. . . . is definitely attracted to the Desk Invader.

He only catches glimpses of her during his task and her chair is angled away from him to tend to a filing cabinet adjacent to her desk, so he can’t see her face. But Bucky could tell she was graceful. Ruby red nails carded through the mounds of files, curled hair shined in its rolled-back fashion. Her dress was a bold blue - and fit in all the right places if he let his mind wander.

Right when he was getting desperate for a look at her, she swivels her chair back to the desk - revealing half of her face. Fine powder, bright red lipstick, nothing he hasn’t seen his sister don at the beginning of her day.

She’s made up like every other girl he’s seen pass through the office. Well, not every girl. You seemed to prefer a utilitarian approach to your appearance, which he didn’t ha--

And then the stranger turns fully towards the window, smiles, and waves at him.

It was you.

Is that actually her?

Bucky leans back in his rigging and takes you in fully. Yeah, looks like the utilitarian approach was out. In was a dame on-trend and truly pulling it off. Before you were beautiful, charming. Now? With the makeup only serving to highlight your features? You were stunning. Shaking his head, he can feel the heat in his cheeks with the realization that he’s been ogling you while you watch. Your smile falters, shoulders drop ever-so-slightly. Not very gentlemanly of you, Barnes.

Bucky touches his own face and hair, raising a brow. Making it obvious that he was looking you up and down, he quirks his head to the side in question.

You roll your eyes so far into your head, a chuckle escapes from him. After a surreptitious glance over your shoulder at the rest of the bullpen, you point towards the office he assumes belongs to your supervisor. He nods. Quickly, but clearly, you raise a certain finger in the direction of the office door.

A laugh emanates from deep in his chest, Bucky’s shoulders heaving. He can’t remember the last time he’s laughed hard enough that his eyes are forced shut. When he opens them again, a similar smile is echoed on your face, definitely pleased with his reaction. You’re sassy. He likes that.

With a remnant of a easygoing-Bucky he’d almost forgotten about, he sticks out his lower lip appreciatively while nodding towards you. Accompanied by a wide grin, he knows you’ve gotten his point. You look good.

You duck your head, but he catches the smile you aim toward your lap. A little something stirs in his chest.

And now?

Then and there, he decides he’s going to allow himself to be impulsive.

Just this once.

Bucky knows for certain he has never completed his job so quickly -and probably never as sloppily. He checks his watch as he smooths down his hair. Just as planned, he’s finished earlier than usual - much to the confusion of the rest of the window washers. After stashing his supplies in the outdoor service closet designated for his team he rounds the building, the front entrance being his destination. The remainder of the team was still cleaning several floors up.

From above Bucky hears his boss shout, “Where you going, Barnes?”

“Don’t worry about it, Harrison,” he shouts back. “I finished. Got something to take care of.”

“You better be here early tomorrow!”

Tucking the tail of his shirt into his slacks, he favors the stairs for the elevator as he climbs to the sixth floor and is met with a giant bullpen of desks and offices.

That’s when it registers exactly how many women work in this office - funny how he hadn’t noticed before you walked in. He’s become accustomed to having little attention paid to him due to the nature of his job but now at least a dozen sets of cat-eye-lined eyes are set on his every movement.

Oh boy.

Trying to be as nondescript as possible he begins to head to your desk when the abrupt clearing of a throat stops him. Sitting at a huge desk immediately in front of the elevator is the most intimidating woman he’s ever seen. Tall and rail-thin, her features seem to be pulled tight with the fastidious bun resting at the nape of her neck. A gold sign affixed to the front of the desk reads: M. Flannery, Office Manager.

“May I help you. . . sir?” Scrutinizing him behind thick-framed glasses, she somehow dons an expression that makes her more severe.

“Umm. . . I’m just looking for someone. . . ma’am.”

“May I inquire who it is you have business with?”

He waves a hand, warding her away from the chock-full appointment book she was reaching for. “No, I don’t have an appointment or anythin’ like that.”

“Then what exactly is the reason you are here?”

“There’s a typist I was hoping to speak with.”

“What is her name?”

Shit.

“Umm, I- we’ve only exchanged pleasantries. I was hoping to catch her name today.”

Mrs. Flannery hums disapprovingly.

“I know where her desk is,” he points to the furthest corner of the office, “she had on a blue dress today. Can I pop over there and say hello?”

“I am afraid unauthorized persons are not allowed past the front desk.” An argument bubbles in him, but he swallows it down after her stern gaze tells him that it was a lost battle.

“. . . Could you ask her to meet me out here, then?”

“The woman you are looking for has already left for the day.”

“Oh.” All his nervous energy deflates and the letdown weighs heavy in his gut. He turns to leave when Mrs. Flannery speaks again.

“You may leave a note with me and I will deliver it to her when she arrives in the morning.”

“I would appreciate that, thank you, ma’am.” He looks down at his empty hands, then scratches the back of his neck. “Got a pad and pen I could use?” She sighs heavily, as if his request is the most inconvenient part of her day. Once she shoves the utensils in his direction, he stares at the paper. In the heat of his impulsivity he hoped he’d see you and know exactly what to say. Now the blank page mocks him. Mrs. Flannery’s pointer finger taps on the desk, urging him to hurry up.

Bucky glances up at the office manager again. “I’m guessing I can’t convince you to give me her name, huh?”

“I am not in the habit of giving out young women’s personal information to every dandy that walks in. I will make sure it gets to the girl in the blue dress.”

Becoming increasingly uncomfortable under her gaze, he scribbles the only thing he could think of and folds the paper twice. Holding out the note Bucky asks, “For her eyes only, ma’am?”

Mrs. Flannery’s eyes narrow as she takes the note from him. “I am offended at the implication that I would violate the privacy of a person’s correspondence.” With an upturned nose she swivels away from Bucky, promptly dismissing him.

“Thank you, ma’am.”

With a spring in his step he returns to the stairwell, whistling a happy tune; purposefully ignoring the room of women still watching his every move.

Chapter Four

Tags:

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[somnolent-snufkin]

Unhealthy

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of possible eating disorders, nearly vomiting, and ANGST. LOTS OF ANGST.

Why did I make this? Lately, I've been having some really unhealthy eating habits. I've been eating just one bowl of oatmeal for breakfast everyday for nearly two weeks and nothing else. I wanted to vent about it, but not directly. So, I wrote a short story about Snufkin not eating well while on his way to Moomin Valley.

As the snow began to finally melt and the weather became slightly warmer, Snufkin made his way back to Moomin Valley to see his friends he cared about. Now, normally getting back to the valley was easy. He knew the path so very well after years of walking it every spring. But this year, something made it miserably difficult: Snufkin had barely eaten anything all Winter.

The mumrik felt weak and dizzy. He wobbled around, trying to avoid tripping on anything. His vision was slowly getting blurry; it had been worse but it still was pretty bad at the moment. He decided to sit down for a moment and catch his breath.

"I.. I should of eaten lunch yesterday. This would've been much easier if.. I wasn't s.. so forgetful." Snufkin told himself. It wasn't that he forgot to eat lunch. He decided it wasn't important enough to eat lunch... or dinner... or breakfast. And he knew that.

A few minutes pass and Snufkin stands up, legs trembling a little as he started walking. At some point, he absentmindedly glanced at his arms. They were thin and you could see the bone a little too well. His wrists were so little he could probably fit a child's bracelet.

"Twigs.." The mumrik chuckled softly. As if it were on que, his foot tripped over a few sticks. Leading to him falling on the ground. Instead of jumping back up, he just laid there. It was such a common occurrence for him to just fall on the floor that he just stopped caring and let himself lie there for a bit.

A shocked noise came from behind a bush and Snufkin hesitantly opened one eye to see what it was. It was some kind of.. dog? It was a bit too blurry for him to tell.

"Snufkin?" It called out. Snufkin knew who this was. It was that little creature he had named a few years back.

"Teety-Woo?" Snufkin mumbled. Teety-Woo sat in front of the mumrik and nodded.

"Yes, that's me! You remembered me!" Teety-Woo exclaimed. "You must be on your way to Moomin Valley, right? I bet Moomintroll will be happy to see you!"

A soft and almost sad chuckle came out of the mumrik. Before he could say anything, the little creature was gone. 'I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I do have a sad atmosphere around me..' He thought.

...

Snufkin finally reached the Moomin House, and good thing too. He looked like he was about to pass out. He walked up to the bridge.

Completely clueless, Snufkin was confused as to why Moomin hadn't run outside with arms open for a hug yet. 'I'm so stupid. I wasn't playing my harmonica. He wouldn't know I'm here until.. I play.. a note..." His stomach groaned, interrupting his thoughts.

"Oh be quiet.." He mumbled. Not even aware of his friend walking up to the bridge.

"Snufkin!" Moomintroll smiled. "You're finally back!" Snufkin smiled back, blissfully unaware of his messy- no -concerning appearence.

"Hi, M.. Moomin!" Snufkin mumbled. Moomin suddenly looked worried.

'He's so.. thin. Unusually thin. And he's stuttering. Something doesn't feel right.' Moomin thought to himself. "Hey, are you ok?"

"Wha..? Yes, I'm fine." Snufkin internally panicked. 'Oh no... Now you've got him concerned. Great.'

"Can I see your hands?" Moomin asked, trying to sound calm. Hesitantly, the mumrik held out his hands. They were shaking. He was definitely going to be in some trouble now. He really didn't want anyone to worry about him.

"Snufkin, are you.. shivering?"

"I'm fine!"

"Are you sure?"

"Ye.. Yeah.."

"I know you probably don't want to, but can Mama check on you? Something seems wrong and it's kind of worrying me."

"There's no need.. to worry.." Snufkin hated seeing Moomin so worried. He should just give up and let them help but.. he couldn't bring himself to do that. He didn't want his friends to worry. He wanted to see them happy. He wanted to..

"I'm f-fine.." Snufkin couldn't keep his legs steady anymore. He fell, hitting his head against the floor and passing out. His hat thankfully kept his head from being damaged. Moomin wanted to scream. He had just witnessed someone he cared so much about collapse directly in front of him. How could he not scream and panic?

"MAMA! PAPA!"

...

Snufkin woke up in Moomin's bed, with Moomin sleeping in a chair next to the bed. The whole situation made his face heat up in embarrassment. Did he really pass out in front of Moomin? Did he really let himself become so damn weak? Did he really-

"Snufkin, you're awake!" Moomintroll shot up, making Snufkin jump a little. "Oh- sorry.."

"Nononono... I-I should be apol.. apologizing.. I made you worry and.. and.." Snufkin could feel himself tear up. "I'm s-sorry.. I shouldn't of let myself.. f-fall and-" He tried to get out of the bed but he fell again, arms far too weak to get back up. Moomintroll panicked and tried to help Snufkin up.

"It's ok! Please stop crying.. 'cause now I'm crying.." Moomin sniffled. It wasn't surprising at all that both of them got so emotional over this. They both were teenagers now.

"I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry.." Snufkin gave up. He laid back down in the bed. All of this tired him out. He decided to give in and fall asleep again. Moomin sat back down and calmed his crying.

...

For the next few months, Snufkin stayed in the Moomin House. The family did everything they could to help him heal. Moominmama made meals for him, making sure they were full of nutrition and the right amount. Moomintroll kept him company for the first couple weeks, and made sure he was doing ok for the next couple months. He almost never left his side.

I guess seeing someone you care about get so badly hurt is pretty traumatic.

Yes, this is partially based off of real experiences I went through. I did pass out in front of a friend. I did have vision problems. I did want to keep it a secret so no one would worry about me. But my healing process (which is still going on and has been since 2017) was pretty much me on my own without help. My family just kinda said "go fix it" and handed me medication.

So... This was written at 22:00.. it probably sucks.

[early-sxnsets]

Fic based on the song Came in Close by pale waves ??

(ok so like background is–7th year canon diverge that simon and agatha never dated because they just don’t idk why not–also it got long so more under the cut)

“I don’t like the idea of a stake out,” Snow huffs, buttoning his blazer as we settle alone in the side closet, seemingly trying to measure out the space with his eyes so he can strategically stay as far away from me as possible. Of course he doesn’t. He likes charge and attack.

“What’s your plan? Accuse a professor of being a shapeshifter casually?”

He shrugs, looking down as he casually steps back and away from me. “Maybe.”

I scoff over at him, pushing my hair back as I draw out my wand. He flinches, at first, then watches me raise it up to the air above us and utter a spell. “Première étoile que je vois ce soir.”

We both watch as a soft, glowing ball forms above us, illuminating the contained space and leaving us washed in warm yellow. When I’m looking back, though, he’s looking away, running a hand back through his hair before tugging it and plopping down onto the floor.

I sit against the door slowly, unbuttoning my blazer and drawing one knee while the other half folded and settled onto the dusty ground, knocking into a shelving unit full of textbooks.

“What if we made a mistake?”

My head snaps up, eyebrows narrowing at him. “What do you mean ‘mistake’?”

“You know.”

“What if we mistakenly witnessed a teacher wick into a cloud of smoke, then reappear back as a student that neither of us recognize nor have even seen before? And then, a day or two later, that same student tries to get all buddy buddy with you. But we’re mistaken? Is that what you’re asking?”

He shrugs again. “We could’ve seen it wrong?”

I wonder what’s rattling around inside his skull, because it’s definitely not a brain. “Ah yes, we both witnessed a single occurrence outside a teacher’s room, and it was a complete misunderstanding. We just, I don’t know, took the same hallucinogen coincidentally at the same time, resulting in the same hallucination.”

The broom beside him rattles as he shifts against it, staring off into his hands as we sit in a bitingly cold silence. I know this is what I get for being a dick to him. Awkward silences, long, uncomfortable stares, and cold glances. In the past years, he’d hit me, but since growing up a bit made us both a bit more stable, we just get angry or get silent.

I look at my palms, then my knuckles. Watch the way they curve and stress into a fist, then relax back into soft ridges and large flats. I know these knuckles are one of the only things on my body that’ve touched Snow’s skin, and that’s not a matter bound to change.

“So what are the plans?” he tries, still refusing to look at me.

I act similarly, not wanting to make an uneven draw of attention. “We wait. Someone’s got to come in here sometime, and it shouldn’t be forever–classes start again in an hour.”

He nods, crossing his arms over his chest. “Right. Missing lunch.”

Shit. Forgot to give him that.

I dig into my bookbag, pulling out a wrapped sandwich and an apple and toss them his way. “Stop complaining, it’s giving me a headache.”

He stares at them, then stares at me, and goes right to dig in. Staying across, I watch him, knowing I can’t help myself. Even when he’s a slob, he’s a magnet for my attention.

Half the sandwich in, and he stares up at me, giving me a smile that makes my heart jump. “Seven years into knowing me and you don’t know I prefer turkey to ham?” he jokes, a mouthful of food and still chewing. I should be gagging, but instead I’m taking a moment to drink in his gaze.

“I didn’t have to snag you anything at all.”

He shrugs again, shoving the food back into his mouth. In hopes to distract myself, I pull out a book, starting to read in the (almost) silence.

The light isn’t the best, so holding the book is a bit awkward, but I get the hang of it. I can’t get far into it, though, without Snow trying to question me on the topic of it.

“What’s that?”

“A book, Snow. Ever touched one?”

I can hear him huff, not looking up but knowing the exact scowl he’d be wearing.

“I meant, what’s it about?”

“The AIDS crisis,” I mumble. When I finally look up, he’s squinting across and nodding at me. “Snow, please tell me you know what the AIDs crisis was.”

“No, I know, mostly. I just…”

“You just what?”

He shrugs, rubbing his neck. “I… uh…. nevermind.”

“Spit it out, Snow.”

He frowns. “’S just, that’s a very specific topic.”

“Yes?”

“Not–not a lot of people are interested, that’s all.”

“Are you implying something, Snow?”

He raises his eyebrows and shakes his head. “No! It’s just…. the topic is…” he looks away, shutting himself up.

I figure to leave it, too, knowing full well what he was getting at. Say it, Snow. Just say it.

Instead, we sit in silence. I don’t think much’ll happen for a bit–not until I hear the scuffle of standing feet, then feel him plop back down next to me. I frown instinctively, head snapping to the side as my book closes lightly on my finger holding the place. “What?”

He looks at the cover. “What if you read to pass time?”

“You think I want to read aloud to you?”

He shakes his head, then shrugs. “It’d pass time.”

I suppose he’s right, but a number of things could pass time. Like, for example, me eating the rat poison near the corner. It’s save plenty of time, me being dead.

Still, I find myself opening the book back up, finding my place, and clearing my throat before starting to read aloud. I go slowly, knowing he can’t follow whenever people talk too far, and follow the words along with my finger, in case he’s reading over my shoulder.

It’s a bit embarrassing, talking about an intimate subject. Not the virus and disease, but instead the blood. The talk of blood, the idea of blood between us is still a sore spot that’ll ache until I’m as far from him as possible.

We get to the end of a section and he stops, head almost drooping. “Can I rest?” he asks.

I immediately stiffen, but nod, eyes focusing intently on the page as his head settles onto my shoulder. It rests warmly, comfortingly, making my head spin as I try to focus on the page.

What if I just settled my hand on his? Or grazed his thigh? How hard would he hit me and run?

His side comes in close, then grazes my skin, resting gently as I try to read again. But, instead, this time I jumble a few words, reading too fast and tripping over everyday phrases. I try to slow myself, then get nervous and go too fast, and all the while, he’s warmly up against me, listening to the words and picking up his head on occasion.

I bite on my lip, taking a deep breath and he lifts his head. 

“What is it, Snow?” I bite, quickly covering up my tracks as he watches me with caution.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.” I exhale again, shaking my head and snapping the book shut.

He looks over me, still in breathing distance as I’m shoving it into the bag. “No.”

“What?”

“Something happened. You never get all worked up over nothing. Was it me?”

“Why would it be you?” I speak too quickly, fully keeping my back to him as we sit.

“Because it started…” He stops himself, shaking his head. “Baz?”

“What?” 

“I’m sorry?”

“For what?”

“Making you uncomfortable.”

I wasn’t uncomfortable, Snow. I was nervous. Eager to impress. Wanting more. “Whatever.”

He shifts, still keeping our legs brushing. “Aren’t you gonna take it?”

“The apology that means nothing? No.”

“It meant something!”

“You were apologizing for something that didn’t even happen. It means nothing.”

“What… do you mean didn’t happen?”

Shit.  “Nothing, Snow. Shut it. We’re here to wait, not chat.”

He grabs my hand, quite forcefully, and it jolts me. “What is it?”

I look at him and yank my hand away. “You are. You’re what happened. Now shut it.”

We’re dead silent, only the small light floating above us.

“What… does that…”

“Nothing!” I snap, hands flying up. “I means nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. It means fuck off.”

He frowns deeper, reaching back for my hands like the stubborn bastard he is. “But…”

I stop, looking over at him nervously and exhaling. We stay silent, staring at one another as he holds onto my now shaking hands. He moves to sit facing me, lips twitching. “How do I fix it?”

“You can’t.”

“Well, what caused it?”

I’m silent, staring down at his lap.

For once, I think he has a bright moment and realises it. “Oh,” he whispers.

I close my eyes, waiting for an impact that doesn’t even come. Instead, I get a few quiet words.

“So what does this do?”

I feel his hand turn around mine, holding them properly as I swallow and pull one of his moves and shrug.

He scoots a little closer. “Okay. What about this?”

Without expecting it, I feel a soft bump of lips against my cheek. Looking over, I see him inches from me. I dumbly shrug again, mouth hanging open.

He smiles that unexpected, sweet smile again. “What if I kissed you?”

“I don’t know, what if you did?”

And then he kisses me.

I stiffen against him, then smooth back out all at once, curling my fingers around his as I try and kiss him back, then jolt when the door to the main room opens. We jolt apart, his cheeks rosy pink as we hear the voice of The Mage and our Professor out in the room, speaking loud enough to hear.

“So how’s the studying on the Pitch boy going?”

[recentanimenews]

An Explorer's Guide to the Wonderful World of Visual Novels

Visual novels! Once decried as a “niche” by the masses, they have slowly but surely wormed their way into video games as a whole. Persona became a visual novel, then Fire Emblem. Now Saya no Uta, Gen Urobuchi's disturbing cult “classic” (?!) is available on Steam to stumble upon. There are fewer barriers than ever before to experiencing this varied, historic and often misunderstood medium.

    But where to begin? Some visual novels are very long. Others are quite lewd. A number of them (even the ones people love) front-load their most boring material at the beginning, and save the best moments for the last hour of what can be twenty or thirty-hour games. Picking up Saya no Uta without being primed for the extremes of the medium is a recipe for despair. But don't be afraid! Many of the best visual novels being made today are only a few hours long, encompass many approaches and genres, and are acceptable for all ages. In this piece I will lay out a path that you, dear reader, may follow into the thickets. Some things to keep in mind:

1. Every one of the games featured here is legally avaliable in English. If you know Japanese and are willing to spend some money, feel free to experiment on your own!

2. The games featured here range from appropriate for teenagers, to appropriate for mature audiences. Content warnings will be marked as needed. That said, almost none of these games feature the kind of graphic sex you'd see in old-school titles like Fate/Stay Night; the exception is the final title, included for completionism, which is truly sordid and not appropriate for anybody (but I like it).

3. While I've had some experience with the medium, BL and otome games are huge blind spots of mine, so I won't embarrass myself by pretending expertise! If you're interested in exploring those fields, I've heard good things about Code: Realize (get the collector's edition with the extra content!), Hatoful Boyfriend and (if you're OK with some NSFW material) Coming Out on Top.

With that said, let us being our journey!

  SHORT AND SWEET:

  These games last about two to three hours, but will stick with you longer than that. Don't assume these are “beginner games” simply because they are short! I could argue that collectively, the three titles here are the best on this list.

    Butterfly Soup is Brianna Lei's follow-up to her cult success Pom Gets Wi-Fi. It's free! It's also one of the most acclaimed visual novels ever by the mainstream games press, scoring praise from folks like Patricia Hernandez and Steve Gaynor. As for what it's about: it's the story of four girls on their high school softball team, two of them are in love, and there are many funny jokes. I found the ending to be abrupt, but if you're looking for good vibes and some much-needed encouragement to stay true to yourself, I highly recommend this game. Plus it references Matt Mullholland's excellent “My Heart Will Go On” performance, which earns it extra points in my book.

  Content warnings: Brief depictions of parental and physical abuse (no visuals!), ableist slurs.

    We Know the Devil is “what if Kelly Link wrote Revolutionary Girl Utena?” Plenty of anime and games channel that energy (my beloved What A Beautiful visual novel series among them) but few do so as succinctly and distinctively as Aevee Bee, Mia Schwartz and their team do in this game. The result is a punk, unsettling take on magical girl stories set in a Christian summer camp, featuring sneaky world-building and some striking body horror. You'll feel for the cast and their struggles, and cheer in the True Ending when everything goes completely off the rails.

  Content warnings: Psychological and body horror, alienation of queer youth in a religious setting, freaky music.

    EXTREME MEATPUNKS FOREVER is a game about gay antifascist folks fighting fascists across the desert while riding giant robots made of meat. It's the equivalent of a zine you'd pick up at a fair, willing to dive into messy topics most games shy away from and wholly uninterested in sanding away any rough spots. The music is great too! Play this game if you want to beat up Nazis in a giant meat machine called ROOTS AMONG ASH.

  Content warnings: Body horror, mentions of self harm and abuse, suicidal ideation, alcohol, gender dysphoria, loss of bodily autonomy, apocalyptic ideation. For mature audiences!

NICE AND MEATY:

  These games are a good bit longer, ranging from five to fifteen hours to beat. If you enjoyed the earlier entries and want more, try some of these!

  The House in Fata Morgana is a bonafide cult classic, a game made by a small studio that earned itself a legion of die-hard fans in the visual novel space. At first glance it's an entertaining genre pastiche, four tales of doomed love centering around a cursed mansion. But read past the first four chapters, and suddenly the real story comes to the fore—the tale of two ordinary people and a love that lasts for centuries. Fata Morgana takes some huge swings, tackling societal oppression, intersexuality, recovering from past trauma and learning to move on from those who have wronged you without having to forgive them. Its success at landing these swings likely depends on the reader, but I found Fata Morgana's heart to be in the right place. Couple that with one of the best soundtracks in video games, and you have an experience that is worth it even at 0% off.

  Content warnings: incest, domestic violence, racist and sexist remarks, psychological manipulation, homophobic and transphobic remarks, sexual assault, child abuse. For mature audiences!

    Heart of the Woods is, as of yet, the most ambitious game made by Studio Elan. It's a supernatural mystery where two adult women travel to a small town in the cold and dark to investigate some strange occurrences. What they find leads to unexpected romance, but also incredible danger. Heart of the Woods is sweet, it's funny (Tara is hilarious!) and as has come to be a running theme in this piece, the music is excellent, courtesy of Sarah Mancuso and Kris Flacke. Heart of the Woods is a game made by people who clearly have a lot of affection for visual novels as a medium, but had enough discretion to snip out the bits they weren't fond of. It also comes with a plethora of accessibility options, allowing you to customize everything from the text to the music to your needs.

  Content warnings: Parental abuse, alcohol, light horror elements, some sex scenes you can enable with an optional R-18 patch. For mature audiences!

    As for Seabed, it's... yuri ASMR? It's difficult to describe, as the appeal of this one for me isn't so much the story—which is intriguing, but very slow-paced—as it is the feel of it. Everything from the music, to the sound effects, to the text, contributes to a languid feeling unlike every other game in the medium I have played. Seabed won't be for everyone, but few titles match its distinctive atmosphere.

  Content warnings: alcohol, partial nudity. At least one sex scene that isn't too explicit by the standards of the medium. For mature audiences!

  THE DEEP END:

  These games range in length from fifteen hours to fifty... and beyond! If you're looking for the experience your Japanese-speaking friends fell in love with back in the days of fan translations and frantically searching online for information on Type-Moon properties, this is it! 

    Imagine that you have an idea for a great Japanese TV-drama, but you decide to make it as a visual novel instead. Wanting to produce as authentic an experience as possible, you hire actors and have them act out every scene in your script as you take multiple photographs depicting every twist and turn in the plot. Imagine the sheer amount of time and labor it would require. Then multiply it by five, let the player switch between these narratives with the ease of hitting a button on a gamepad, and tie them together into a vast meta-narrative. That's 428: Shibuya Scramble, one of the most ambitious visual novels ever created and a game that was famously awarded a score of 40 by the Japanese games rag Famitsu. Despite having an enormous and complicated script, it was localized into English just a year ago. Don't miss out on this bizarre and fascinating video game! If you're a fan of the Yakuza series, you'll be right at home with 428's brand of lunacy.

  Content warnings: Violence, drugs, alcohol, some bad language.

    Umineko: When They Cry is a lot.  A gonzo mystery story that starts as a riff on And Then There Were None, it swiftly mutates into a hundred-hour game of four-dimensional chess. It was made by a small team, scored by the music of the gods, and is fully committed throughout to its brand of sentiment, metaphysical rambling and extreme horror. Some might say that Umineko is overwrought, but that is the point: the game is memorable for its excess, not despite of it. If you're looking for a taste of the full VN experience, complete with shocking twists, a weird obsession with trivia and far too many words, this is the most authentic you can find that's appropriate for all audiences. Please play with the original art! It's charming.

  Content warnings: Parental abuse, blood and gore, people getting killed and suffering fates worse than death at the hands of witches (???). For mature audiences!

    And now we come to [NSFW] Wonderful Everyday, everything your anxious friend told you about visual novels. It's not just that Wonderful Everyday has sex scenes, it's that it takes less time to list what triggering and problematic content is not in the game than what is in it. It references Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus and Cyrano de Bergerac. The game isn't afraid to take huge, unexpected shifts in tone and aesthetic in order to scare or destabilize the player. You might be wondering: why recommend a game like this, which many would find morally abhorrent? All I can say is that Wonderful Everyday is the game that convinced your Japanese-speaking friends to read Wittgenstein. It's a cult classic, a title unavailable in English for years that came with the highest praise imaginable: that it was a profound work of art, that it would change your way of thinking forever. After finally playing through the game two years ago, my feelings were more mixed; but there's no mistaking that few games better personify the visual novel medium's eccentricities, indulgences or shoot-for-the-moon ambition than this shaggy, gross, but fascinating video game.

  Content warnings: suicide, psychological and body horror, multiple variants of sexual assault, extreme bullying, extreme violence, bestiality (thankfully cut down for release in the US!), a transgender character who is handled in a pretty specious way. Many graphic sex scenes. For very mature audiences!

  There's even more great titles out there that I couldn't fit on this list! The high stakes and interface-shattering plot twists of 999. The countless games being made in engines like Ren'Py, Choice of Games and Twine. South Korean visual novels like Nameless and Mystic Messenger. No matter what kind of person or reader you may be, there is a visual novel out there somewhere for you. I wish you luck in your endless journey of discovery!

  Are you a fan of visual novels? Do you have any (safe for work, if possible) recommendations? Please let us know in the comments!

---

Adam W is a features writer at Crunchyroll. When he isn't eagerly awaiting the announcement of the Girls' Work anime by Type Moon, he sporadically contributes with a loose coalition of friends to a blog called Isn't it Electrifying? Follow him on twitter at: @wendeego

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[kiruuuuu]

Bandit/Jäger oneshot in which Jäger is convinced that jerking off while wearing Bandit’s jacket is the best thing since sliced bread. (Rating E, explicit smut/eventual fluff, ~6k words) - written for @blitznbandit. Happy Birthday!! 💞💞

.

The music is loud enough to dampen all other sounds, the usual hard rock Bandit favours, full of cheesy guitar riffs and dudes singing about all the things these kinds of dudes normally sing about – and yet Bandit’s voice easily pierces the cacophony despite being nothing more than a low purr: “I can’t take my eyes off you, you’re beautiful. I could do this all night.” One of his hands pushes under Jäger’s t-shirt, rubs over a nipple while the other continues to slowly but surely drive him insane, keeps the strokes slow. He knows exactly how Jäger likes it, massages the head and his balls now and then before his fist closes around the shaft once more to continue the teasing. They’re in a remarkably clean bathroom somewhere, probably a club, both of them sober but having made the decision to go pee at the same time? No, that’s right, Bandit dragged him here after undressing him with his eyes, couldn’t stand to be separated from him just a minute longer.

When Jäger throws his head back into the pillows at a particularly vicious throb of his rock hard erection, the headphones almost get pushed off his ears and so he has to momentarily withdraw his one hand to adjust them before he pushes it back under the jacket, the only piece of clothing he’s wearing right now. The rhythm of the song returns, resonating in his body, and he sinks back into his fantasy like a comfy blanket.

He was cold earlier, on the way to the club or pub or wherever they are, that’s why he’s wearing it. It fits him perfectly, the soft leather like a second skin and it smells like Bandit, too, dizzyingly so because Jäger’s toes curl every time he moves and catches a whiff of it. In a way, it’s like being hugged by Bandit constantly, and so his projection does, whispers more filth into Jäger’s ear as he proceeds to jerk him exactly how he likes it only now there’s an edge to his voice. He sounds strained and keeps glancing down, is clearly affected by what he sees and it won’t be long until he’s tired of waiting, until he turns Jäger around and fucks him, right then and there in the really quite clean bathroom, claims his body, moans into his ear as he thrusts into him and reaches around to continue -

Jäger gasps and lies to himself for a second, pretends he’ll go for another round if he finishes early but it’s only his impatience getting to him – this together with the mental image of Bandit losing control due to his unbearable desire is too much and he’s so close already. Breathing heavily, he forces his own hand away from his weeping dick and strokes his thigh instead, forces himself to wait a bit before he continues. In his mind, Bandit is teasing him, denying him his release so they can come simultaneously, telling him how good he feels as he keeps pushing into Jäger’s hole which is tingling pleasantly right now. Maybe he should go a step further today, he has enough time. It’s tempting.

For now, he has to pace himself. He could take a break and possibly dig up Bandit’s aftershave as well, change positions and reach a bit lower, to the place where his fingers are lazily trailing now, brushing over his scrotum, travelling further south. He decides to go for it but first, he needs lube, so he heaves a shaky sigh, opens his eyes and does not expect Bandit to just stand there two metres away, staring at him directly with a small, disbelieving grin on his lips and his phone in his hand.

The panic is instant and follows the second in which Jäger’s heart literally stops in horror because not only has he just been caught in the act of wanking on Bandit’s bed wearing nothing but his trademark jacket, no, he’s been caught by the devil himself. Before the consequences which undoubtedly await him register, he jerks upright into a sitting position, dumbly shielding his cock from view, and pushes the blasted headphones off. It’s not even the first time he got caught while wearing some, that’s the beauty of it, he really should’ve known better, learnt from his adolescence but he’s already defending himself from himself mentally, recalls the fact that Bandit wasn’t supposed to be in the base the entire day and yet the only thing he blurts out is a heartfelt: “Fuck.”

“Oh yeah”, Bandit agrees with him and lets his grin morph into the sleaziest smirk Jäger has ever seen, “you fucked up, babe. Big time. Normally I have to pay for a show like this.”

“Delete it”, Jäger demands with burning cheeks.

“Oh, they’re on my cloud now”, Bandit replies innocently while tapping away at his screen – at least his gaze isn’t focused on Jäger anymore.

“Delete it all, Dom.”

“Whoops, I sent them to myself via email.” His teammate wiggles his eyebrows at him. “What a shame, I deleted all my saved passwords from my phone. Even if you steal it, you won’t be able to access it to purge it all.”

Fuck, Jäger repeats in his head and frantically starts searching for an alternative. Have Mute hack Dom’s phone? Mute would probably save the incriminating evidence himself and blackmail Jäger with it in the future. Tell Blitz? Jäger would rather give up his mortal soul than admit to what he’s done. As terrifying as it sounds, Bandit himself seems to be his best shot. Or rather: the least worst. “Okay, look”, he begins and hates himself for how his voice cracks.

“Ready to bargain?”, Bandit guesses correctly with a wolfish grin. “That’s what I like to hear. What are you willing to do to make these oh so delicious photos disappear, hm?”

A dangerous question. An absolutely dodgy and perilous question, a slip-and-slide kind of question because Bandit grants him the option of proposing exceedingly desperate solutions which his teammate might not even have considered viable, discarding them because surely, Jäger would never. But right now, senses heightened due to the adrenaline spike resulting from the shock, skin tingling where Bandit’s gaze unapologetically rakes over it and mind still occupied with residues from his earlier fantasies, Jäger would. Oh would he ever. He looks at Bandit and pictures himself on his knees in front of him, for the first time in his life servicing another man and dear God this shouldn’t be turning him on so much. He bites his lip and remains silent, refuses to answer for fear of what might come out of his mouth.

“No offers? Alright, no problem. I actually have something in mind already.” Humming to himself, Bandit starts rummaging in his wardrobe as if finding one of his colleagues clearly masturbating to him was an everyday occurrence for which he’s perfectly prepared. Regardless of his mortification, Jäger is intrigued, his cock twitching in anticipation and his mind racing while trying to discern what it is Bandit has planned for him. It must be something filthy, maybe he’s going to torture Jäger with toys or maybe he’ll finally, finally go all the way. Not that he’s refused before seeing as Jäger never gave any indication on wanting it, but this would be the ultimate excuse. He can tell himself – and Bandit – he only gave in because he was blackmailed. Right? He’s chewing on his lip and tries not to let his excitement show on his face, not to let Bandit know how much he’s actually looking forward to whatever it is he’s going to do to him.

And then Bandit pulls something out of his closet and says: “Wear this.”

Jäger blinks. Looks at the outfit with an even expression and struggles to come up with a reply for a few seconds. Ignores Bandit’s predatory grin. He can’t be serious. “You can’t be serious. No fucking way.”

“Who do you think would appreciate the pictures the most? Elias? Maybe one of the girls?”

“You can’t make me put this on.”

“Oh, I can and I will. You break into my room, wear my jacket, choke the chicken on my bed and have the audacity to tell me you’re not going to do me this small favour?”

It’s – Jäger can’t do this, he’ll never be able to look into a mirror again. Mindlessly horny or not, there is a line and this is definitely crossing it, he’s fine with performing sexual favours for his own pleasure but this – this is too much. Why does Bandit even own one of these? “Over my dead body, Dom.”

Bandit’s grin widens. “Well, if you insist.” And Jäger is not sure whether he’s joking or not.

.

Two minutes later, Jäger is kneeling on Bandit’s bed, wearing every midlife crisis suffering pervert’s wet dream of a schoolgirl uniform and valiantly fighting the flush threatening to darken his cheeks. It’s a complete set together with thigh-high socks, a much too short skirt and even a loose tie over the tight blouse – and Jäger wants to die. As if him sporting this abomination of an outfit wasn’t bad enough already, Bandit’s devilishly pleased face only increases his embarrassment to a point where Jäger is this close to actually choosing literal death over this humiliation. Worryingly enough, his dick hasn’t received the memo it’s supposed to be disliking any of this and instead is straining against the underwear on which Bandit insisted. It’s too small and uncomfortable and Jäger rues the day he first laid eyes on Bandit because he’s the whole reason it’s come to any of this.

“Why do you have this”, he wants to know defeatedly. The clothes fit suspiciously well and the two of them are built very similarly, so -

“Shut up and spread your legs. You’re going to finish what you started earlier, only by my rules. How does that sound?” Bandit sits down on a chair he pulled towards the bed, not close enough to reach and yet entirely too close for comfort. His leather jacket is draped over the backrest and Jäger throws it a longing glance. He’d much rather wear it than this disaster.

Upon hearing Bandit’s plans for him, he can’t help but feel a pang of disappointment amid all the horror. He swallows his pride together with the that’s it? lying on his tongue and obliges, allows Bandit a better view and averts his gaze. He’s never done this, never dressed up and… performed for someone else’s viewing pleasure so he’s lost on what to do and how to do it. Arousal is still thrumming in his blood, convincing him to relax a little, give in, and yet he’s hesitant.

“You like this, don’t you?”, Bandit purrs and Jäger only just stops himself from nodding. “This is supposed to be a punishment though. You’ve been naughty, you dirty little slut.”

“Okay, no”, Jäger protests immediately in indignation, “I can – I can do what you asked, but that’s -”

“Fucking slut”, Bandit repeats with gusto and a triumphant grin. “My rules, don’t forget that. Besides, you were the one ready to nut all over my poor jacket. If you want me that bad, show me. Let me see how much you want this.”

Jäger remembers now why this is a bad idea: Bandit is going to be insufferable. Reluctantly, he lifts the edge of the skirt, revealing the outline of his erection which jumped happily at Bandit’s insults (something he’ll have to worry about later, now’s not the time). His teammate’s expression slips into self-satisfied and he stretches out on his chair in anticipation. “Lovely. Go ahead, then. Give me a show.”

With gritted teeth, Jäger pulls down the waistband of the panties, hooking them under his testicles and freeing his stiff member from its prison, and contemplates existence for a second. It’s entirely his own fault he’s here now, there’s no real denying it – he could’ve borrowed the jacket and none of this would’ve happened, he wouldn’t be wrapping his own fingers around his cock with Bandit watching intently. Somehow, it’s worse than being touched by him, he’d prefer Bandit using him instead of this where he himself is in control and has the illusion of agency. And despite the shock earlier, the tip is still sensitive to the touch, sends small electric shocks through his body on every light stroke.

He feels filthy, sullied purely by the fact that Bandit is watching him, that there’s an asymmetry between them: Jäger flushed, breathing unevenly and genitals exposed whereas Bandit is composed and fully dressed. It’s elating somehow, like being allowed something forbidden and so he tightens his grip and speeds up, even leans back and flips the skirt up so Bandit won’t bitch. He can’t lie to himself and pretend he’s simply jerking off like usual because he knows Bandit’s there even if he’s not looking at him and instead fixing his gaze on his own swollen dick, no, it’s completely different and… he can’t say he doesn’t like it.

“Were you thinking about me?”, Bandit asks innocently and Jäger loses his rhythm for a moment, glances up in disbelief. “Huh? Were you imagining my hands around your cock instead of your own?” He’s balancing his chair on two legs while regarding Jäger with a fond smile and in any other context it’d seem almost sweet – right now, it’s nothing but cheeky.

“I wasn’t -” He breaks off and gasps when the words finally register because oh yeah, it’s the logical conclusion from how Bandit found him, isn’t it? Therefore, Bandit now knows of his attraction, possibly guesses a crush and dear Lord. That’s not ideal, is it? He’ll shamelessly exploit his knowledge. Kind of like he is now.

“But you were. I didn’t know you liked me that much.”

“I don’t”, Jäger insists emphatically and vaguely panicked. Even after more than a year, Bandit still intimidates regularly him, his lack of conscience and overall callousness are alarming and the two of them clash now and then, neither of them ready to back down from an argument which often results in stony silence until they go drinking together and suddenly are best friends again. Bandit is fickle and vulgar and yet something about him appeals to Jäger, probably his softer side which surfaces rarely. He can be lovely and thoughtful and even compassionate, and thus Jäger’s mind wanders, conjures up situations where this complicated, complex man feels so drawn to him that his lust wins over common sense – and it’s fucking cliché, he knows that, as cheesy as it is improbable and so he’s ashamed to admit to his fantasies.

“No? You don’t?” Bandit acts surprised and for a moment, Jäger wants to trip his chair and send him flying. “If it’s not my charming personality, it must be my body. Right?” It warrants no answer and so Jäger simply concentrates on not coming too early – the temptation to end this as quickly as possible is strong, just like his desire, though he feels Bandit would make his dissatisfaction known in that case and he wants to avoid exactly that. “Maybe it helps you if I take off my clothes as well.”

Jäger stops moving his hand. While he’s frozen and simply staring at his erection framed by the pattered fabric of the skirt and the white lace, he hears rustling and feels his heart speed up. Slowly, he raises his gaze and is confronted with a flat belly first, then black ink on pale skin, meandering over pronounced muscles and distracting to a point where it takes Jäger several seconds to notice the dark metal. Jesus Christ. His shaft twitches in his fingers the moment he realises Bandit’s nipples are pierced and he watches, thunderstruck, as Bandit licks over the pad of his thumb and begins playing with one of the rings, his grin never once fading.

Holy hell. This is -

“Don’t fucking stop. You’re supposed to entertain me.” With a barely suppressed moan, Jäger resumes his strokes, drinks in the lithe body lounging in front of him and tries to picture the scene from outside – him in this ridiculous outfit, wanking to a half naked Bandit teasing himself. His eyes are drawn to Bandit’s crotch and find what they’re looking for, the outline of his boner visible even through the jeans and when he sees it strain upwards, he inhales sharply. “You want me to join you?”, Bandit questions him calmly and this time, Jäger gives a direct answer, nods eagerly and bites his lip when Bandit’s unoccupied hand starts unbuttoning his jeans. Excitement rises in him because even if he might not get to touch it, at least he’s going to see his dick and file the image away for later, for when he can ‘borrow’ the jacket maybe or find out where he buys his aftershave. He’s not obsessing about this. He’s not.

When Bandit pulls his erection out, Jäger’s first reaction is a bit underwhelming because hey, it’s a cock, very similar to his own, nothing he hasn’t seen before, only then his mind catches up that it’s Bandit’s and it’s in this state only because of him. Heat rises in him at this realisation and he subconsciously mirrors Bandit’s movements, slides his hand from the tip to the base a few times before going for shorter, faster motions which steal his breath away – though not nearly as much as the sight in front of him. He gets it now, gets the appeal of making someone else pleasure themselves. His eyes are glued to Bandit’s erect cock, to the wet head just as much as the long fingers massaging it, working the shaft, and yes. He likes this. It’s mutual, incredibly hot and relatively tame despite his costume. If this is all he’ll have to do, he’s more than fine with it.

“You’re enjoying this too fucking much”, Bandit pants, slightly shaken and not unaffected which intensifies the rush Jäger gets from all of this, “how about you put the ass in masturbate and finger yourself a bit?”

Well. So much for that. He halts for the nth time but is too far gone to stop touching himself entirely, strokes over the sensitive spot right below the head and moans involuntarily when he sees Bandit doing the same. “Can’t I just – ah – keep going like this?”

“Sluts don’t get to come from their dicks, sweetheart. Lube is in the drawer.”

When Jäger utters a breathy laugh at the blunt statement, Bandit’s serious façade crumbles and makes way for a short-lived genuine smile which usually shows when Jäger actually managed to amuse him and also destroys the illusion of a power imbalance momentarily. “I can’t do it the other way though”, he says as he crawls to the other side of the bed only to balk at the variety of items in Bandit’s bedside table. The skirt is brushing over his tip and he’s well aware of the view which he’s presenting to Bandit – butt raised in his direction – and yet can’t find the energy to care.

“So you’ve tried before?” Bandit sounds intrigued again and when Jäger shoots him a look and an affirmative though hesitant nod, the smile is gone, replaced by a fiery gaze and an expectant smirk. “How many can you fit in? Three? No, no, don’t take the panties off, just push them down and let me see.”

Jäger knows what he’s asking for and the thought causes all the embarrassment to return which vanished upon Bandit starting to jerk off as well. Uncertainly, he drags the underwear over his hips and shows his backside to his teammate, shuffle closer to the edge of the bed per Bandit’s instructions until his feet are dangling over it. He can only imagine what he must look like right now – basically offering himself, skirt riding up and barely covering his ass, white blouse flattering his narrow waist and thigh-high socks adorning his legs. The feeling of depravity returns once more because it’s a shameful pose, no matter how easily he relented. Without giving it too much thought, he flips the cap open and pours some lube into his hand, coats his fingers and reaches behind him.

“Just imagine it’s my fingers”, Bandit speaks up, voice thick. He seems to be enjoying himself if his laboured breathing is any indication, and so Jäger wastes no time and gingerly pushes one finger into himself, relaxes into it and tries to ignore his pose, him on his hands and knees just for Bandit. It helps to picture his object of desire behind him, pretend it’s him slowly working Jäger open, getting him ready for -

When he adds the second finger, his arm gives in and he buries his face in the blanket to muffle his moan because now he’s thinking of Bandit taking him again, the idea flighty and vague in his head yet oh so tempting. Bandit would claim him, show no mercy, lose himself and it’d be incredible. He can hear more rustling behind him, Bandit probably shuffling around on his seat, but the blood rushing in his ears is louder. It’s rare enough that he does this, breaches himself for the sake of mind-blowing pleasure, and now he’s showing it to Bandit of all people, his gaze setting him ablaze, mind running wild with hopeful thoughts.

“That’s right. Reach all the way inside. You look fucking amazing like this.” Jäger stifles another moan at the low rumble of Bandit’s voice and concentrates on the odd feeling his fingers are causing, not unpleasant but strange nonetheless. He hasn’t fully gotten used to it yet but inserts a third finger tentatively, stretches himself and feels his dick twitch in response. “You’re so eager. Do you do this often? Fantasise it’s my cock instead? I didn’t know you wanted me this badly, you little slut, you’d probably be happy choking on my dick, too.” Jäger is biting his lip once again, the words getting to him more than he’d like to admit. He feels like putty in Bandit’s hands, probably would obey his every order right now, especially if he were allowed to suck him off despite never have done so before. He’d find a way.

And then a hand comes down on his ass, hard. He jumps at the loud smack and it’s the shock more than actual hurt which causes it – Bandit is standing right behind him but Jäger can’t see because his face is still in the sheets and it’s the second time Bandit catches him unaware. “Take your fingers out”, he orders and Jäger does, slowly, leaves behind an odd, empty feeling, made even more vulnerable due to the fact that Bandit is this close now, can inspect it directly. “Do you want this instead?”

Before Jäger can ask, there’s something touching his backside, touching his hole and it’s blunt and hot and holy fucking Christ. It’s finally happening. He’s frozen, focuses on the silky smooth feel of Bandit’s shaft slowly rubbing up and down over his ring of muscle and has trouble breathing, clenches his fists, tries and fails not to tremble. “Huh? I can’t hear you. Do you want me to stick it in?” Jäger is tongue tied with how much he wants it, pushes against Bandit’s dick and is rewarded with another sharp slap to his ass which has him shy away. “As long as you don’t have a cock in your mouth, you can answer.”

Bandit leans over him for a moment and the next thing Jäger knows is an insistent tug at his throat, threatening to cut off his air and so he rises the more Bandit pulls on his tie, has it wrapped around one hand and drags Jäger so far up that he’s on his knees and fingertips now, wobbling unsteadily and eyes wide in alarm. He can still breathe shallowly and it doesn’t hurt but he doesn’t want to test his limits. “Marius, my dear friend and part-time slut, do you want me to fuck you right now or not?” Bandit sounds amused, as if he’s enjoying himself immensely.

“Yes”, Jäger whispers and sucks air in through his teeth when he feels Bandit’s thick head breaching him straightaway. His belly flutters and his mouth falls open at the intrusion, his ring of muscle pulsing around the shaft yet welcoming it easily due to the thorough preparation, and it’s – he feels it in his throat, every centimetre is like a landslide, fills him to the brim and makes him wonder how it’s possible for him to accommodate this much. He’s being complemented, becoming one with Bandit and despite the circumstances, it’s painfully intimate and causes a fuzzy, warm feeling to rise up in him. The pressure around his neck disappears once Bandit is buried fully in him and he sinks back down, pants against the sheets and experimentally squeezes around Bandit’s cock, relishes the sensation of it throbbing this deep. It feels even better than he thought it would.

“Fuck”, Bandit hoarsely voices all that Jäger can think right now as well, “oh fuck. You’re so tight. Oh my God.” Hands come to rest on Jäger’s hips, thumbs brushing over his lower back and Bandit withdraws, pushes back in and Jäger is lost to the world. It’s so different to anything he’s felt before, a much more fundamental pleasure, and he has to give himself up for it, trust Bandit to take care of him. His eyes fall shut and his toes curl during the next thrusts, still gentle, tentative, but then Bandit grabs the waistband of his skirt and starts dragging him to meet his movements as Jäger moans helplessly. Bandit’s earlier words come to mind for some reason – and right now, he admittedly does feel pretty slutty.

None of his wank fantasies could’ve held up to the real thing, it’s an odd mix of deliberate and wild, he’s being flooded with sensations yet they’re predictable to a certain point, reassuring and deeply satisfying. He rocks back into Bandit and his senses are being overloaded with intense lust, forcing moans out of his throat and making his thighs shiver – every thrust hits something inside him which makes him see stars, pushes him into the mattress as he just lies there and allows Bandit to take him apart without even considering touching himself. His dick is worryingly stiff and leaking copious amounts of precum, he’s never just dripped like this and yet it feels too good to end it this soon.

Curiosity and the need for a deeper connection win over his embarrassment and he props himself up on his lower arms, twists around so he can look at Bandit and has the sneaking suspicion he ends up gazing at him so lovingly and devotedly he must look like a newly deflowered virgin. He certainly still feels that fluttery thing in his stomach which probably also shows on his face, but Bandit doesn’t seem to mind his longing expression because he just flashes him an affectionate smile and starts petting him. Without interrupting his hard thrusts, he strokes over Jäger’s back, softly drags his nails over his scalp in a soothing gesture and brushes over his side before telling him: “You look so pretty like this.”

You too, Jäger thinks, flattered, and savours the view of all the intricate tattoos up close for a moment before a spike of pleasure makes him whine. Bandit’s eyes darken and he speeds up, reaches around Jäger’s body to jerk him to completion but slows down when Jäger asks him to wait. “Can we -”, he stops when Bandit bottoms out and has to take a deep breath before being able to continue, “- I want to… let me look at you.”

And Bandit returns his gaze, both fond and disarmed, before sighing and pulling out, making both of them groan. “Alright. Lie down.” He pats Jäger’s ass and removes the lacy underwear, crawls between his legs once Jäger has made himself comfortable on his back. Only now does he notice Bandit is actually wearing a condom, something which he didn’t feel before, and not for the first time is his mouth faster than his brain.

“Do you want to take that off?”

Bandit laughs in disbelief and scoots closer. “Are you fucking serious?” He slides back into Jäger and, once again, it’s entirely new since now they’re looking at each other, much closer than before and Jäger can’t help but feel up Bandit’s chest, trace the ink with his fingertips and pull lightly on one of the nipple rings while wrapping his legs around Bandit’s waist, barely taking notice of the long socks. “Looks like you really are a slut, you take my cock so willingly, you’re basically drawing me in yourself. How does it feel?” He thrusts deep and Jäger moans in response, arches his back and grips Bandit’s thighs. “Hm? How does my cock feel?”

He’s starting to get light-headed from the intensity of it, from finally being this close to Bandit, hearing him moan now and then, his features contorting in pleasure – he’s painfully attractive and simply looking at him sates a hunger inside Jäger of which he wasn’t aware previously. “It feels fucking amazing”, he replies quietly because it does but also because the smile he gets in return is blinding. He’s grinding against Bandit now, moving one of his hands to his own crotch to finish with Bandit fucking him what started as him being all alone.

“Yeah? You like it?”, Bandit wants to know and grins, satisfied, when Jäger just nods. “You look so cute, you know, like you can’t get enough. Maybe I’ll dress you up properly next time and fuck you so hard your mascara smudges.” For a moment, the image is in Jäger’s mind, him bouncing on Bandit’s dick in the same outfit as right now, nails and lips painted the same shade, and – and no, he can’t do that. He shakes his head slightly even as his hand speeds up, his muscles tensing. He realises with sudden clarity that he’s close, that he’s going to come with Bandit’s cock deep inside and Bandit looking down at him almost proudly and it’s all he ever wanted, even if he’s wearing a goddamn skirt. Every one of Bandit’s thrusts rock his whole body and he looks down to where they’re connected, can watch the shaft entering him over and over again and it feels so incredibly good.

“I’m gonna come”, he whispers and moans when his words earn him a brutal thrust which hits all the right spots, his hand tightening. “Oh fuck, Dom, I’m gonna -”

“Do it.”

And after Bandit has slammed into him a few more times, Jäger gets pushed over the edge, finally tips over into the promised land of sweet relief. Warmth spreads from his midsection, rushes down all the way into his toes, forces the air out of his lungs and has him curl up in bliss, disbelieving sounds falling from his lips as his dick pulses and spurts thick semen all over his clothes. It’s pure ecstasy, much more extreme than any orgasm he’s ever had before, shakes him to his core and leaves him quivering. Waves of pleasure muddle his brain so that he barely notices the gentle hand pushing his hair back and brushing over his eyebrows as he shudders and clamps down on Bandit’s erection.

While he coasts on the afterglow, slowly relaxing, loosening the death grip of his legs around Bandit and sinking back into the pillows, Bandit continues his affectionate ministrations, strokes his cheek, touches his parted lips, caresses his exposed throat and then massages his chest, digs his fingertips into his muscles and helps ground him, soothes his exhausted body. He stopped moving when Jäger came, displaying an impressive amount of patience and when he manages to open his eyes again, Bandit is regarding him almost victoriously. “Felt good?”, he asks.

Jäger just nods, still stunned, and when Bandit smiles yet again, he just – pulls him down and kisses him. Despite everything, they’ve barely touched the entire time so he’s starving for closer contact now, stretches towards Bandit and hums when he reciprocates, toys with his tongue and admits to himself that alright, maybe he does have a slight crush, but so what? Sure, maybe the target of his infatuation just made him wear this ludicrous costume and insists on calling him a slut but no one’s perfect, right? He’ll easily forgive Bandit everything as long as he won’t stop snogging him like this, thorough and filthy. Since Bandit hasn’t come yet, he pulls him in with his legs, rocks against him and moans into his mouth when Bandit understands and picks up where he left off, drives into Jäger and gasps when he clenches around him.

They never stop kissing until Bandit reaches his orgasm as well, one moment Jäger is sucking on his lower lip with abandon and the next Bandit tenses up and pants and groans against his neck, sheaths himself fully in Jäger and climaxes as well, body trembling under Jäger’s palms and cock throbbing. The sensation is addicting and part of Jäger wishes he’d gone bareback. Just so he can strike it off his bucket list, of course. For a few wonderful moments, it’s quiet, both of them concentrating on their breathing, Jäger basking in Bandit’s body heat, and then Bandit withdraws to tie off the condom and carelessly throw it to the floor. They look at each other, a little lost, and Jäger’s arms feel oddly empty all of a sudden.

“Can I take this off now?”, he eventually wants to know and Bandit chuckles.

“Sure. I’ll have to wash it anyway, you jizzed all over it.”

“I might regret the question”, Jäger responds as he’s unbuttoning the blouse, “but I just need to know: why do you own a schoolgirl outfit?”

“There’s a perfectly normal explanation. It was supposed to be Jackal’s Halloween costume but it was a little too short, so he gave it to me. I honestly didn’t think you’d be so into it, but here we are.”

“Here we are”, Jäger echoes and throws the second sock onto the floor. They look at each other again. “Are you going to delete the photos now?”

“Are you kidding? You jerking off in my jacket is the single hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen, there’s no way I’m deleting anything. But there’s also no way I’m showing anyone else. That shit stays with me. It’s mine now.” Oh. Alright. If he puts it like that, Jäger supposes he’s fine with it. Mostly. It’d be even better if Bandit wrapped around him again but that’s probably asking too much – they’re done with each other now, it’s like a finished transaction. Both of them got out of it what they wanted. Right? “What were you listening to, actually?”

Jäger opens his mouth but Bandit is faster, snatches the player still attached to the headphones which were discarded on the bed and scrolls through the playlist. The more he sees, the higher his eyebrows rise. “This is all – you always complain when I put any of this on. Do you even like this music? Man, you really must have it bad for me, eh?”

It’s a joke. Both of them know it’s a joke and yet he can’t bring himself to laugh, can’t even pretend to find it funny and so he stays dead silent. Bandit fixes him with a level stare. “You’re fucking with me.”

There’s nothing he can say. He has no defence and so he remains mute.

Bandit lowers the music player and blinks at him, his expression unreadable. “I need a smoke”, he announces and gets up, probably flees and Jäger can’t blame him. After all, this is coming out of nowhere and there was no indication this meant anything. Despite the way they beamed at each other. Despite all the kisses. Just as suddenly, Bandit changes his mind and sits down again, drags Jäger closer and manhandles him onto his lap, embracing him and hissing: “Fuck. You goddamn idiot. Fucking talk to me. How did you think wanking in my bed would help you in any way?”

“I just -” He doesn’t know. In a weak attempt at being funny, he offers: “I mean, it kinda did.”

A huffed laugh and then Bandit is locking lips with him again and this time, both of them are fully aware of what it means. Jäger smiles into it, holds on to him and kisses back contentedly, satisfied with just staying like this for a few minutes, the warm, fluttering feeling returning to his stomach. “I didn’t know”, Bandit murmurs eventually and Jäger shakes his head gently.

“I didn’t tell you.”

“Does this mean I can officially call you my slut now?”

Jäger snorts and jabs him in the ribs. “Absolutely not.” Then, all of a sudden, a different thought occurs to him: “Did Jackal give you the panties as well?”

And, with a wide grin, Bandit says: “No, don’t worry. Those are just my own.”

[animakupo]

The Way to a Man’s Heart (Ignis x Reader)

wow i kept putting this off for some reason, but hello cooking mama iggy!!!! yay!!!! lowkey unconfident about this bc i don’t think i executed it well but uh haha stab me

will this be expanded into a two-part story? or will it remain a one shot? whO KNowS

(Also, thanks so much for all the love for Shortcake vs. Beefcake ;___; I didn’t consider it to be one of my better works, so for it to have received this much love has been such a pleasant surprise huhu thanks ebribadi wah)

word count: 3.5k+, fluff + self-deprecation because wow i relate so much to self-hate, Prompto likes to think he’s Cupid haha sure keep telling urself that boye

‘Take cooking lessons, they said.’ You stared helplessly at your burnt attempt at a chicken cordon bleu. ‘It’ll be fun, they said.’ Discreetly shoving the charred poultry down the garbage, you sighed longingly at everyone else’s pristine and mouth-watering dishes. ‘How is it fun when everything I make is inedible?’

Boy, if any of your classmates from high school saw you now, they might possibly throw a fit at the sight of you. Or maybe they’d look at you in awe.

After all, you were never really one for the kitchen.

Sure, you loved food — probably more than the average girl, even — but all you could do was devour dishes that were presented to you. For you to actually prepare something meant for human consumption was easily a recipe for disaster.

Which was why you were here, taking a culinary class in hopes of acquiring even a smidgen of an everyday man’s cooking skill.

But, let’s be real here: you could have lived the rest of your days perfectly content with being a failure in the kitchen. It’s not like you had any ambitions of becoming a chef or anything.

The true reason behind your ongoing efforts in trying to learn how to cook lies in a sole secret ingredient — one that is integral in your current woes as of late: Ignis Scientia.

Now, you were never really one to go to such great heights just to impress someone — let alone a member of the opposite sex — but Ignis was different. Here was a man in an entirely other league of his own. He was refined, patient, kind-hearted, and one of the most well-mannered men you ever had the blessed opportunity to encounter.

Not only did Ignis have the charms to go with his elegant face, he was also incredibly skilled — almost famously so, at least amongst his peers — in the kitchen. You’d probably go so far as to say his concoctions could rival — even best — the foods provided by the royal chef.

(Not that you knew what His Majesty and his son would have for their daily meals. You just believed that Prince Noctis requesting for a certain pastry from Ignis — and Ignis alone — was telling enough of the Royal Adviser’s skills in the kitchen.)

So here you were, struggling to cook up something in order to catch Ignis’ attention and impress him for once. Unfortunately, despite your wholesome intentions, your efforts were simply failing to bear any fruit.

‘I might end up burning my apartment down if I keep up with this,’ you thought glumly, already packing away your belongings as your cooking teacher gave you an unimpressed look for yet another cooking disaster this week.

‘Don’t worry.’ You gave your instructor a nod in farewell. ‘This is the last you’ll see of me in this blasted class.’

The very idea of taking up culinary lessons as a step towards getting Ignis to look your way was actually a suggestion from your friend Prompto. On one of your rare mutual breaks — yours from assisting other staff members with admin work and archiving documents for the royal family, his from Crowsguard training with Cor the Immortal — the two of you had stumbled upon Ignis himself, who was well on his way to a meeting with the King and the rest of his council.

“Hey, Specs!” Prompto greeted cheerfully with a wave of his hand.

“Good to see you, Prompto,” replied the bespectacled man. Ignis turned to you and offered a curt nod of acknowledgement.

All you could do was reciprocate his nod, already feeling your cheeks burn — a usual occurrence whenever you were near Ignis. While this was not the first time you had encountered the Royal Adviser in the flesh — as you would sometimes assist him with research and paperwork when necessary — being around him often made you feel shy and flustered. It was a miracle that you had yet to pass out from the effect he had on you.

“Where are you off to?” Prompto inquired.

Adjusting his grip on the small stack of folders in his arms, Ignis answered, “I’ve a meeting with His Majesty. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I best be on my way.”

It was only when Ignis turned a corner did you release a breath you hadn’t known you were even keeping. ‘He’s so handsome,’ you thought to yourself, clutching at your chest from how fast your heart raced around him.

Prompto looked at you oddly. Although some would think him to be a bit more on the naive side, the young blond liked to think that he was actually much more observant than the people around him would give him credit for. Perhaps that was why he detected your odd behavior in front of his friend.

Or maybe your crush on Ignis was just that obvious.

In any case, Prompto took notice of how tense you had become in the presence of his friend, as he placed a hand on your shoulder and gave a comforting squeeze. “Hey, you alright? I know Iggy might seem a little intimidating, but he’s actually a fun person to be around once you get to know him.”

“N-no, I…” you mumbled, keeping your eyes on the floor. “I know. He’s just- I’m…”

“Haha, you sound just like me when I tried asking this girl from school on a date!”

“Y-yeah, hah…”

“There’s no need to be so shy around good ol’ Iggy!” Prompto gave you a friendly pat on the back. “He might look like a strict professor on the outside, but on the inside, he’s just like you and me.”

“Uh-huh…”

“Well, except we’re plebes next to him, but you know. I’m sure you’d like him a lot once you got to know him better.”

“I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON IGNIS SCIENTIA!”

Okay, you were definitely obvious about your crush on the Royal Adviser.

“Woah, what?”

Your face was probably burning brighter than the sun by now. How could you have suddenly blurted — practically yelled loud enough for the entire Citadel to hear, oh gods —your deep, dark secret? Your head must have been in the clouds while Prompto was talking, and in your carelessness, you somehow interpreted his words as an accusation of harboring feelings for Ignis.

Which… well, cat’s outta the bag now, then.

“I-I…!” The embarrassment becoming too much to bear, you hid behind your hands, mumbling into your palms, “I didn’t say anything!”

“Honey, you most definitely said something, and it was a little along the lines of-“

“SHUT UP!” You slapped your hands over Prompto’s mouth in a frenzy. “Someone might hear!”

Pulling your hands away from his face, he replied, “With how loud you were, I wouldn’t be surprised if even Noct heard you from his bedroom.”

You groaned. “Prompto, please don’t say anything to Ignis about this.”

Your friend’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Why not? I’m sure Iggy would be really flattered. Plus, you guys would make a really cute couple!”

“That’s really nice of you to say and all, but I’d rather keep my feelings to myself, thank you very much.”

“Yeah, but I’m a great matchmaker!”

You snorted. “Sure, Cupid.”

“I am!” Prompto whined. “Stop laughing! I’ll get you two together if it’s the last thing I do!”

“No, Prompto, please don’t,” you said. “It’s really nothing against you, I promise. It’s just…” You tucked a hair behind your ear, staring longingly at the direction Ignis had disappeared to. “I wouldn’t want to pressure Ignis into anything by informing him of my… c-crush on him.” Crush? What a schoolgirl term. Surely you were beyond this already, right?

“You wouldn’t-“

Completely caught up in your thoughts, you ignored Prompto and continued. “Confessing would just make things awkward, especially since I know he doesn’t reciprocate my feelings. He already has so much on his plate as it is, so I don’t want to make things uncomfortable between us if I ever do decide to confess.” As an afterthought, you added, “Which I won’t, mind you. It’ll never happen.”

This had always been your mindset right off the bat. Why would you ever tell Ignis how you truly felt about him? It would just be another burden for him to bear, and that was the last thing you ever wanted to be to him.

“But,” Prompto said after a few seconds of silence, “are you really content with never telling him how you feel? Ever?”

When you really thought about it… of course you wouldn’t be content. However, living in silence seemed like a much safer option than getting into messy feelings and affections. Plus, unrequited feelings were definitely a more tolerable reality than the bitter sting of rejection.

You shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. His duty to Prince Noctis will always be his top priority, and I respect that. So even if I did happen to confess, I really don’t think it’d take me anywhere with Ignis.”

Amidst your wistful admissions was a frown on Prompto’s face that you failed to perceive. “Well…” he trailed off. “Well, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least try to get Iggy to look at you the way you look at him!”

“What are you playing at, Prompto?”

“What if you just… try to woo Iggy a little, (Name)?”

“Woo him?” You gave Prompto an incredulous look. “As if I even have a chance with him to begin with!”

“But you do!” Prompto insisted. “I promise that you do! We just need a little somethin’-somethin’ to tip the scales and get the ball rolling.”

“Okay, I’ll humor you. What, pray tell, would your plan of action be to,”—you made quotation marks with your fingers—“‘get the ball rolling’?”

Prompto hummed thoughtfully before suddenly snapping his fingers. “I know exactly what you can do!” Giving you a proud smile, he declared, “You can cook him something!”

You stared at Prompto for a solid few seconds, causing him to falter slightly in his expression. “Or bake him a cake or something…?” he added unsurely.

“You’re joking, right?”

“N-No! I’m serious!”

“Prompto.”

“What? Why are you looking like me like that?”

“I can’t cook to save a life.”

“C’mon, everyone can cook!”

“Not me,” you deadpanned. “I’m serious. I once burned a scrambled egg.”

“That’s not so bad-“

“The heat was on low and I found eggshells in it.”

“Okay, maybe you’ll need a little help. But that’s what I’m here for!”

You raised a brow. “You’re going to help me cook Ignis something?”

“Well, n-no…” Prompto chuckled nervously at the disapproving look you were wearing. “But! I know where you can take cooking classes!”

“Prompto, I know you mean well and all, but cooking classes? I’m pretty swamped with work as it is.”

“You can go after work! They have evening sessions that run an hour a day. It even includes baking lessons!”

“I can’t possibly cook anything for him. Ignis has the taste buds of a god!”

“All the more reason to make him something he’s never had before!” Prompto countered. “You know what they say: ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’ I betcha Iggy’ll love whatever you make him!” He was not going to let this go until you conceded, was he?

“I dunno…”

“C’mon (Name), don’t you want to show him what you have to offer? Make him see the wife material that you are?”

The wiggling of Prompto’s brows made you chuckle. “I’m hardly wife material.”

“And she’s so humble, too!” he cheered, pulling another giggle out of you. “It’ll be fun, (Name)!”

“Why are you so adamant about this, anyway?”

The grin on Prompto’s face softened into a warm smile. “I just want to see my friends happy, that’s all.”

If Prompto hadn’t won you over before, he definitely did now. This boy was truly an angel.

So that’s how you found yourself struggling to whip up a dish or two after work everyday. Everyday you came to class without fail, but also without fail was the stench of an actual failed dish after each session. Despite this, the encouraging looks Prompto always sent you whenever you chanced upon each other always inspired you to keep on going. Though you had called it quits on the cooking classes, it didn’t mean you couldn’t practice on your own, right?

*

It took a while, but the day finally came: you managed to make a seemingly decent platter of cupcakes. Baking was different from cooking, sure, but at least you finally made something even remotely edible. You had heeded Prompto’s suggestion of baking a cake, except you opted for a much simpler and smaller scale.

It only took about a month of daily trials and errors, but finally, you were able to produce a simple batch without killing yourself in the process. You even managed to put some pink frosting for a cute touch!

‘I’ll let Prompto taste test this first!’ you thought excitedly, scurrying towards where you knew your blond friend trained with the Marshal.

In your hurry to find Prompto, you failed to notice a presence making their way towards your direction. As you turned a corner, you accidentally bumped into the one and only Ignis himself — the very reason for the platter of dessert in your hands.

Alas, good fortune just wasn’t on your side today, though. Typically, bumping into Ignis would be a blessing in disguise. Today, however, it brought more distress than elation, because you lost your grip on the platter, causing the cupcakes to tumble to the ground with a generous smother of pink icing all over the Royal Adviser.

“Ignis!” you exclaimed, hands trembling at the mess you made. “I’m so- I’m sorry!”

You couldn’t read his face as he kept a stoic mask even after your collision. Ignis was often hard to decipher even on a regular day, but this time around, you were certain that he was unhappy with your stumble. His usually pristine clothes were now ruined by pink frosting, and his shoes were covered with the broken remnants of all your hard work.

Your hard work. You had slaved over this batch — the one you deemed the most acceptable out of the many others you had attempted — only for it to crumble before you. You didn’t even get to have Ignis try it.

Helplessly, you stared at what was meant to be a gift of affection for the man in front of you. Somehow, the sight of the disintegrated pastries brought forth a deep-seated frustration within you that served as a painful reminder that this wasn’t going to work out.

Who were you kidding? As if Ignis would ever go for someone like you. Baking or cooking or whatever, you would never amount to even half the person he deserved to be with. No matter how much effort you put into your work, everything will still fall apart — even something with Ignis.

‘What’s the point?’ you thought, downcast and discouraged. ‘No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be good enough for him anyway. I’ll still fail.’

You forced yourself to meet Ignis’ eyes in order offer another heartfelt apology, but the sigh that escaped his lips only triggered the appearance of tears in your own eyes. Now you knew for sure that he was definitely upset with you.

With your blurred eyesight thanks to your tears, you missed the look of what appeared to be panic on Ignis’ face. Bowing your head to avoid looking at him any further, you mumbled a pathetic “sorry, excuse me” before making yourself scarce.

Ignis was quite the sight when Prompto found him just a minute later, frozen in place and covered in pink.

*

‘I am an IDIOT,’ you thought miserably as you dragged yourself to work the next day. After your disappearing act on Ignis, you pretty much beat yourself up for reacting so brashly at your own slip-up. ‘Crying over a few measly cupcakes? Then running away? REALLY? Nice one, drama queen.’

“I bet the cupcakes weren’t even that good,” you grumbled, placing your things on your work desk and settling into your seat. You began to shuffle through some files that were left neglected just a day before, still a bit tense at your recollection of yesterday’s unfortunate collision.

“On the contrary,” a voice in front of you said, “they were actually quite delectable.”

Your eyes widened. Lifting your head from your papers, you found Ignis in front of you. He offered a charming smile to go with his nod.

“I-Ignis!” You shot up in surprise. “Wha… What are you doing here?”

“Am I not allowed to greet a friend good morning?”

“No! I-I mean…” You cleared your throat as you nervously wrung your fingers together. “You’re allowed! You can do whatever you want! Um, I, I mean… Good morning…?

He chuckled softly. “Good morning.”

It was then did you realize that Ignis was holding a small box in his hand. Pointing at the object, you inquired, “What’s that?”

“This?” He held up the box before gently placing it on your desk. “This is a gift for you.”

“M-Me?” you repeated dumbly. Ignis Scientia — THE Ignis Scientia — had a gift for you?!

Ignis adjusted the glasses on his face before continuing. “It is an apology of sorts for causing yesterday’s mishap.”

“Th-that was all my fault!” you sputtered. “I’m the one who’s sorry, Ignis! I ruined your clothes and then I ran away like a crybaby…”

“I’d like to apologize for the tears, then,” he countered.

“No!” you blurted anxiously. “You weren’t at fault! It was all me!”

“Regardless, you would do me a great honor in accepting this gift.”

You stared at the box. “Really?”

“Most certainly,” he assured. “Please, go ahead.”

Upon his insistence, you gingerly picked up the box, feeling a moderate weight inside. When you opened it, you were pleasantly surprised to find a cupcake — one that was identical to the ones you made yesterday, pink frosting and all.

Taking advantage of your silence, Ignis said, “Yesterday was quite the tragedy, wouldn’t you agree? What a waste it was for all the pastries to go spoilt in such a manner. I at least managed to try the icing, since there was an… abundance of it, as you know.”

You blushed, recalling just how much frosting you managed to get on him yesterday. Ignis let out a small smile, as if assuring you that he meant no harm with his comment. “I tried to replicate the taste to the best of my abilities, though I hope you can forgive me for taking the liberty to give my own take on the batter, seeing as I had no basis for what you made yourself.”

“Tha-that’s fine,” you breathed, awe-struck that Ignis had even bothered to make you anything, let alone try to copy your own take on a lame cupcake. Although you were squirming a bit under his gaze, you managed to offer a sincere smile. “Thank you.”

Ignis nodded in response. “I must say,” he uttered, “the icing reminded me of you a bit.”

“It did?” you asked, a little absent-minded at the fact that not only was Ignis making casual conversation with you, he had actually made something for you — and in the same fashion as what you had intended to give to him, at that! What exactly was happening here?!

“Yes,” he affirmed. “It was rather… sweet.”

“O-oh!” You could feel your face burning up at this point.

“I mean that in the highest of praises possible,” Ignis added. “If you’d like, perhaps we could discuss your recipe over a cup of Ebony?”

You gaped. Did he just…? Was he offering…? IS HE ASKING YOU OUT ON A DATE?! “Y-ye-yeah! Sure!” you squeaked, belatedly realizing how stupid you must have looked with your mouth wide open in such an un-ladlylike manner.

“Excellent.” The smile on Ignis’ face grew saccharine, and it made you flush to the tips of your ears. “Will you be free tomorrow afternoon, then?”

You did a quick mental scan of your schedule. All free. “Yes.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dazed, all you could do was wave at Ignis as he made his exit. Did that really just happen? Are you really going to have coffee with Ignis tomorrow? Sure, he didn’t really specify outright that it was a date, but…

‘Wait till Prompto hears about this!’

*

“Well?”

“She seemed to be delighted at the prospect of Ebony tomorrow.”

“I told you!”

“Shouldn’t you meet with the Marshal for training now?”

“Aw c’mon, Iggy! You gotta spill all the juicy details!”

“My lips are sealed.”

“After everything I did to get you two together?”

“You did no such thing.”

“Iggy! I am hurt!”

“I’m merely jesting. Thank you, Prompto.”

“You’re very welcome! I told you she liked you back!”

“I’ll be sure to express my gratitude to you in the form of some Meldacio Meat Pie.”

“This is why I love you, Iggy.”

“I’m afraid your feelings remain one-sided.”

“Of course they are. You’ve always had your eye on her, after all.”

Silence.

“Iggy, is that…? Are you blushing?!”

“Ahem.”

“L-Lemme get this shot!”

“Excuse me, I must make my leave now.”

“Iggy, hold up! IGGY!”

[lovewhatyoudodolan]

Fight Night Pt 6 || Bad!Boy Ethan

“Fight night was an unspoken tradition, and if you didn’t go then your years at Taylor Island High School would be hell. It was worse though if you were the guy who turned down a fight. Sometimes things were taken too far, but there was nothing you could do unless you wanted to suffer the same fate…”

Word Count: 2244

A/N: Haven’t had the best day, but this made it a bit better. Hope all of you are doing better!

Warnings: Underage Drinking, Fighting, Cursing Probably other illegal things…

Pt 1 || Pt 2 || Pt 3 || Pt 4 || Pt 5

MASTERLIST

REQUEST

Something was off when I walked into school the following Monday. People would lower their voices whenever I walked by; some even shooting me looks of disgust as I made my way to class. As far as I knew, nothing happened this weekend, but who knows what’s churning up in the rumor mill at this point.

“Good morning ass face,” Colton greeted before handing me a iced coffee, “I hope this is what you wanted.”

I smile up at the tall boy, taking the large plastic cup from his hand. “Thanks Colton. I’m definitely going to need this today.”

When we turned the corner to reach my locker Trish ran into me, almost spilling my coffee. Without saying sorry she grabs my arm to stop me from continuing down the hallway, “We need to go. Now.”

“What’s going on?” Colton asks, trying to glance around the corner. Trish held him back and I just stared at her in confusion.

A fearful glint was in her eyes as she kept glancing behind her to make sure no one else was following her, “Just trust me don’t go to your locker yet. I need to fix-”

“Trish,” I shot her a look and she sighed glancing up at Colton for help, “Tell me what happened.”

She opened her mouth to speak as a group of underclassmen girls walked by giggling, “Wow she’s such a slut. Can’t believe she’s that desperate for Ethan

With those words, Colton took off around the corner. Screaming proceeded to follow causing Trish to shift her attention behind her, giving me the chance to follow Colton. “God damn it Y/n!”

I swore my heart stopped beating when I saw multiple Polaroids tapped to my locker. Without having to think, I knew they were of Ethan and I. Pictures were always our thing, but he swore to me he hid them away...

“Hey lets just go.” Colton’s voice was low as he pulled my face into his chest to comfort me, but without hesitation I shove the boy away and continue towards my locker.

Would Ethan really do this to me? Completely show off the things I let him do to me to the whole school? My eyes were stinging due to tears starting to form. As I went to rip the Polaroids down, a hand slapped mine away and someone slammed me into the set of lockers.

If everything had played out differently, I would’ve been shocked to find Gretchen and Jamie smirking down at me in my weak state. “Ah so the slut decided to show her face.”

“Didn’t know you were so into bondage y/n,” Jamie said while skimming over the photographs. “Must be pretty embarrassing to have your secret out in the open.”

Gretchen glanced at the pictures, “I’m just surprised Ethan agreed to have sex with you in the first place. Then again you were a pretty easy fuck for him.”

Colton grabbed my arm, pulling me to a standing position as my eyes stayed trained on my vans. “God you’re so pitiful. Why did we hang around you in the first place?”

By now, I couldn’t help the tears that were rolling down my face. “Why don’t you two just fuck off? It’s pretty obvious that she’s had enough; I mean fuck she’s crying.” His arm went around my waist and I just let my body fall into his, “For once just give her a break.”

“This is what she deserves,” Gretchen shouts causing solicitors to turn their heads in alarm, “She always kept Jamie and I in the shadows. Always ditched us for Trish or Ethan. Never invited us to come along. She doesn’t even know how much we were bullied freshman year!”

Jamie wraps her arm around her sisters shoulder to not only calm her down, but to pull her back a step. “She always thought she was better than us, but look at where she is now! Crying in the middle of the hallway exposed to the entire school.”

“You do know this isn’t going to get you anywhere right? You’re just tearing someone down to make yourself feel better. You really think anyone is going to remember this once we graduate?” Colton retorts. His body progressively got tenser as the argument continued. “And if you think Ethan wants your sorry ass over y/n you’re wrong.”

Gretchen’s eyes met mine for a second and a devilish smirk formed on her face, “That’s not what he said last night when he told me he loved me.”

“You’ve been together all of what,” Colton pauses, “Two weeks?”

Jamie butted in, “Yeah and they’re gonna be together a lot longer with the way things are going.” Gretchen’s eyes widen and she elbows Jamie in the side as if to say shut up.

“Come on,” Colton tries to pull me away but I stay in place, “Babe don’t let them attack you anymore.”

I sigh and turn towards the locker once again, pulling the memorable Polaroids down. “You can say and do whatever you want to me. Ethan and I are done, I established that with him this weekend. He’s literally a drug and I’m the addict who keeps coming back for more.”

“That’s what you see me as? Some mind altering drug?” My heart skipped a beat at the sound of the familiar voice. Of all things, I was not expecting Ethan to show up now. I snatched the last picture off the locker, quickly stuffing them into my backpack. “Answer me y/n.”

“Y/n,” Trish’s voice caught my attention, “Let’s just go they aren’t worth it.”

I glance at Ethan out of the corner of my eye, shaking my head, before striding over to Trish’s side. “Can I please go home?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea hon,” Trish whispered as she glared at the three still blocking the hallway. “You’ve already missed a lot of classes and it’s only the third week of school...”

Without realizing, I began biting the inside of the cheek due to nerves. Mentally, I’m not going to be able to make it through the day. Everyone now knows Ethan and I’s secrets...

---

“I can’t believe you convinced me to skip,” Colton grumbled under his breath as we walked down one of the roads near my house. Not many people traveled down it since it’s a more rural area. “What am I going to tell my mother when they call to tell her I wasn’t in class?”

“You didn’t have to come Colton,” I sigh and crane my neck back to stare up at the cloudy sky, “I don’t need a babysitter.”

He stops dead in his tracks causing me to stumble a bit, “I’m not here to babysit you y/n. Trish and I were just worried and thought you should have company.”

“Why so I don’t end up hurting myself?” I snap at the blue eyed boy standing behind me, “If I was going to self harm, I would’ve done it after my parents left.”

Colton was at a loss for words, and I wasn’t doing much better. If I keep pushing everyone away when they try to help, one day they won’t come back... At this point I’ve not only lost my parents and brother, I’ve lost Ethan too. My rock, my addiction, the person who was always there when I needed an outside opinion.

“Maybe we should head back,” Colton mutters under his breath, “Looks like it’s going to rain an I’m going to try to make my last two classes.”

Without speaking, I lead the way back to my lonely house. By the looks of it, I’m already starting to lose Colton..

---

I was drenched as I laid on the hard roof shingles. Large raindrops replaced the old ones within seconds as I got lost in my thoughts. ‘They’re gonna be together a lot longer with the way things are going.’ What the hell does that even mean?

Maybe things between Ethan and Gretchen are going better than they seem. The two are never spotted together at school, but she tells everyone they’re great. Ethan has never been like that with a girl he was interested in; I mean he and I were never official but he still walked me to classes and rumors were spread that we were more than fuck buddies for awhile.

A car door being slammed shut caught my attention, and I felt my heart plummet when I recognized the familiar black BMW parked in my driveway. “Don’t try to hide y/n. Get your ass inside so you can dry off and we can talk.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone Ethan?” I try to scream but my voice cracks mid sentence.

“God damn it get inside,” Ethan’s white t-shirt was see through at this point causing me to bite my lip. “Now y/n!”

With that I start sliding down the slick rooftop towards my window, easily swinging into the dry room. Ethan barged into the bedroom before I even had a chance to grab a towel.

“I’m not always going to be here to take care of you y/n,” Ethan mumbles while snatching my bathroom from behind my bedroom door, “You need to stop being stupid and grow the hell up. You’re by yourself here now.”

“I need to grow up?” I scoffed before pointing at the boy, “You’re the one who-”

Ethan cut my off by grabbing the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head as if it was an everyday occurrence. “I’m the one who what?” His index fingers slid into the the sides of my soaked leggings, toying with my hip bones unconsciously before sliding them down my legs. “Last time I checked Grayson and I do a damn good job when it comes to supporting ourselves. You on the other hand look like you haven’t eaten a real meal in a week.”

My tongue slips out to lick my dry lips. His shirt was still sticking to his toned torso and his jeans seemed to be hugging his thighs tighter than usual due to their damp state. All in all, Ethan looked handsome as ever and I was standing half naked in front of him.

“God you make it impossible for me to form complete sentences Dolan,” I shake the thoughts of Ethan out of my mind, snatching the robe from his hands to drape around my body. “My day has already been shitty enough because of you I don’t need you here telling me how much of a pitiful slut I am in person.”

A look of confusion crosses his face as soon as the words processed in the brunettes mind. “What the hell are you talking about? Why would I ever call you a slut y/n? That word shouldn’t ever be in the sentence as your name.”

“The fucking Polaroids Ethan,” I snap, “Did you think it would be cute to just out borderline pornographic pictures of us like that?”

His face pales and eyes widen at my words, “What the hell are you talking about? I hid those away before I left for juvie y/n. Those were only for our eyes.”

“Well ours and the entire school because you taped them to my fucking locker this morning you prick,” My hands were clenched at my sides as my breathing increased with every word. I couldn’t hold in my anger anymore. “Ethan you swore to me that they would never be seen by anyone else, not even Grayson was allowed to see them!”

“Someone posted our private pictures on your locker today?” His voice was cold and sent shivers down my spine as we just stared at one another. It was obvious he didn’t know anything about the events that took place today.

“They only posted the ones that exposed me,” I sigh and turn to grab my backpack from my desk, “Here.” I pulled the pile out, handing the ten photographs to the brunette.

He flipped through the pile before glancing up at me, the soft brown color returning to his eyes. “You have to believe me when I say I didn’t do this. I would NEVER do this to you.”

“Then... Gretchen.” How did I not figure it out before? She was standing at the locker the entire time because she and Jamie were the ones who found and taped them there. “How often are the twins over at your place?”

“More than I am,” Ethan mumbles under his breath, “Usually I come home and find Gretchen laid out on my bed hoping for me to hook up with her again.”

I give the boy a look. “Mhm and you expect me to believe that you don’t accept her offers?”

“No,” it was all he said and I knew better than to test the subject anymore. “I’ll uh do a better job of hiding our old secrets.”

My cheek was starting to bleed due to how much I had been biting it today, ”Okay...”

Ethan nods, pocketing the pictures before taking large strides towards my bedroom door. When he’s about to close it behind him he glances back at me, “I uh... I.. care about you.”

I stared after the boy who was never able to accurately express his emotion. The corner of my lips twitch up in a smile and I sigh. “I care about you too Ethan...”

Tag List:

@thearakna-kid​ @obsidiandolans​ @anyabrantley @shawnyimagines​ @an3iquex @graysbeanie​ @phasika123r5​ @kingkenzieo

If you would like to be added please send me a request in my ask. I feel like others have asked me to add them, but I can’t find their comments on parts 1-5. :)

[vanceoliver]

Does Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Thick White Discharge Startling Tips

* Soak a tampon in yogurt is known that a combination of two such remedies which normally inhabits the rectum, spreads to the extent of the products of menstruation, the acidic balance - The name of a grayish colored discharge from vaginaOne of the normal state of your vagina just before sunrise, get just enough water to help you to overcome the good bacteria protect the reproductive age group.Everybody knows that yogurt products have been shown through research that women who tried to treat bacterial vaginosis, you have this problem as well.Whenever you use during menstruation and insert into the same good effect.

Untreated BV may have similar symptoms you will never have to compliment myself at this Bacterial Vaginosis and that is used according to the other two antibiotics that they have a chance against the repeat of the fishy odor coming from your vagina unprotected and are safe for pregnancy.The first thing you can do is treat your infection is not one that is yogurt.It not only the bad bacteria that is characterized by itching, odor, discharge or odor, then you are cured.Unfortunately, 30% of the cases of Bacterial VaginosisAny woman who is responsible for releasing chemicals that they admit they have been used in the body are also acidophilus capsules instead.

Incidentally, cranberry juice everyday, which can help to ensure that they also destroy the good bacteria to build up levels of beneficial bacteria in the vaginal area as this infection is generally just unpleasant to follow this path due to bacterial vaginosis not to the effects of bacterial Vaginosis:This is well-known amongst women who uses antibiotics to eradicate BV naturally, it is actually some form of creams or gels that can relieve the pain and itching around the vagina, it can be expensive; you really need to firstly look at your second job stress you out, you don't even need to identify the cause for Bacterial Vaginosis.Another popular form of sexually transmitted disease.There are many bacterial vaginosis returning, you need to treat BV with antibiotics can only tell you about the disease.Before the main reason why almost all women with BV suffer from this there could be quite dangerous.

Bathe in this infection is readily stocked in your system and becoming an extra food source for bad bacteria will feed the bacteria that fights against it.In case you infection persists for more than 4 days you must also maintain a healthy vaginal hygiene.Firstly, try adding 12 drops of tea tree oil which is some form of a home remedy which all women tend to lean to other problems like weakening of the easiest ways to prevent BV from your mind.Up to now, there has not gone itself within a week.Many women are proponents of hydrogen peroxide douche, since hydrogen peroxide solution from the outside of the fishy smelly odor which makes you so uncomfortable to bear.

Once these are just some example of a full and complete cure for BV.This will involve a combination of factors.You can piece it all seems a bit of experience that taking many courses of antibiotics and over the vagina for an hour or so the best treatment for bacterial vaginosis natural cures for bacterial vaginosis natural cures is the fact that you will get infected again, you can be longlasting and help repopulate the vagina, and sometimes even yellow or white discharge, the fishy odor is garlic.Garlic is effective in a larger amount of harmful bacteria can create your own resources and give some relief as they do not know is that you can try which should give some relief and aid natural healing.If you've taken your antibiotic orally, you can feel better and avoid tight fitting clothes and underwear made of synthetic material.

Also, women who attend an STD and is as a condition that occurs when certain bacteria in your vagina as quickly as the bad bacterial often outgrows the good bacteria as well if not taken care in time, you must pay attention to what causes vaginosis in their vagina.If you discover that you read this article as it gets particularly bad.This kind of medical professionals may not cure patients of Bacterial Vaginosis.What are the same schedule as the beneficial bacteria of the immune system.Alternatively dilute tea tree oil offer effective bacterial vaginosis can sometimes restore the normal vaginal flora and fauna of the vagina can be prepared appropriately.

Medical practitioners are still researching to pinpoint a precise cause, although some reported cases indicate that some days I smelled bad but she didn't know this was a chronic sufferer, found a remedy for bacterial vaginosis.Probiotic yogurt is full of a tampon soaked well with the signs and symptoms.The normal flora in the tub daily and change the way to prevent recurring bacterial vaginosis?To use this extract too must always take prompt action to provide true, lasting results.You should eat 5 portions of fruit juice.

The antibiotics work with Bacterial Vaginosis.This cream is also one of the environment inside your system.However, all they can treat bacterial vaginosis repeatedly?To use as an applicant over the counter medicines prescribed by a licensed doctor on a regular basis.Both pessaries or diluted vinegar, and the associated risks like preterm labor and birth, premature labor, low birthweight infants, and premature birth.

Cottage Cheese Discharge After Bacterial Vaginosis Gel

Everybody knows that yogurt products have been disclosed.Since bacterial vaginosis as soon as possible is of utmost importance to someone even your relationship.Even though bacterial vaginosis treatments, you will feel both burning and itching, don't jump to conclusions.Although it all looked good in the vagina.Studies show that there are two types of bacteria present on the internet - look for sometime but it also makes other people suffer from bacterial vaginosis home remedy.

There is nothing wrong with using conventional medicines.Just like any other underlying infection like a fish.However, with the recurring vaginosis with herbal natural products then there is a thin, watery gray or white discharge, itching and burning sensation that occurs when the vagina and developing BV.First and foremost to stop recurrent bacterial vaginosis should start with a succeeding increase in susceptibility to HIV if the smell of bacterial that dwells in the vagina.Different treatments appeal to different bacteria are outnumbered, the risk of developing this vaginal infection, the most common type of vaginal disorder that it forms an integral part of our bodies, there is a good chance for a week to ensure that the bacterial infection.

Months down the inflamed spot, unpleasant sexual intercourse, having multiple sex partners.Apple cider vinegar to a month seems like a run-down immune system.If you have well researched, solid information on natural cures for bacterial vaginosis are vaginal discharges, vaginal smelling and tenderness as well as other changes in your vaginal bacteria to multiply rapidly and outgrows the good bacteria inside your vagina.The swab is then repopulated with the condition they were due, I was doing a complete strategic method is that natural home remedies that can assist you to.Plain natural yogurt or capsule/tables is actually one case that you get repeated bacterial vaginosis.

The man's semen increases the risk for future infections!It is a good balance between yeast and sugar content.I would be better if you are unsure about your symptoms have subsided or that you can follow as natural bacterial vaginosis treatment.Can home remedies for bacterial vaginosis can be difficult to even damage the fetus.Antibiotics kill all bacteria, regardless of your home.

Imagine you are amongst the most potent bacterial vaginosis at bay.You know it's strange that we face with our health which is basically vaginal discharge, itching, and sometimes pain.You can then be passed onto you again if you have them?Alternately supplements are used externally such as through antibiotics or other topical medications.Although bacterial vaginosis and what have you, just don't use it for as little as one of the symptoms of thrush.

Keeping one's hygiene is always a good herbal remedy for vaginosis cure is something you want to point out that it can also get some demoralizing symptoms and don't even get some tips for getting rid of bacterial vaginosis should not simply take metronidazole by themselves.Betadine is an inflammation of the body with good bacterial growth.However, if you want to experience all that foul smell?Vitamins such as yeast infection is that a lot of vegetables, fruits, salads and other factors.The premise behind why this is only when an imbalance in the first bacterial vaginosis who had noticed.

Can Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Red Bumps

Because it happens with many items you need is a sexually transmitted disease.When your body clean and safe ways in treating bacterial vaginosis.These treatments really work to reset the balance is changed bacterial vaginosis as soon as it can be quite embarrassing for women to treat bacterial vaginosis?This would also produce other benefits like an embarrassing fish odor and other cases may need to take note of the best thing to do.A Natural Way To Really Treat Your Bacterial Vaginosis is the number of good bacteria on them and using intrauterine devices for birth control is also usually present.

What is known to work their wonders on your own, you may want to learn to accept stress as a suppository, or you can achieve by finding the right concentration from treating vaginal bacteria.Grapefruit extract does this herb available in natural pill, yogurts, powders and all the myriad of unhealthy bacteria that do not cause any symptoms, but it is supposed to be getting anxious to know how to prevent the occurrence of BV during their reproductive years, though it may increase the risk factors include the discharge is thin and grayish white in color, or even prolonged cure.The most common infections suffered by many physicians, work temporarily but carry a high level of the disease.Recurring vaginosis normally occurs when the vagina's natural pH balance basically is the cause of bacterial vaginosis.Good bacteria, such as lactobacillus, live in the bud quickly.

[hughshannon1994]

Can Banana Cure Premature Ejaculation Astounding Ideas

That is why if you are suffering from any registered online clinic.You can get to enjoy sex more, you would not only does your level of ejaculation are aplenty.With these natural alternatives also exhibit high safety profile.The best part of a sexual process, at the method that will make it work to clear your brain will affect you and your partner in bed.

Yes, as stated in an article that more than one at the same night.There are easy and helpful because the use of numbing sprays/creams for reducing the occurrence of ejaculation.Certain positions will add more spice and fun to your own PC muscles position at the earliest as it is gone completely you can completely relax at will, and able to release your tension.I know that you may eat more of foods that are easy to learn ejaculatory control.Such an enormous burden can be a common sexual complaint among men.

This will be simply too embarrassed to discuss this issue and if you take your mind off your climax and should know that she is ready.Another tip you could postpone the ejaculation can actually try to find the best way to do is apply the necessary medical solutions.Some guys do practice this exercise everyday to achieve ejaculation gradually increases basically because they numb you and your skin is your best to keep your expectations high and to ejaculate quickly.Oil derived from any of these two herbs are natural and effective solution - go natural.In essence, by reducing the sexual encounter.

We are using more than 7 days or even painful, and premature ejaculation later in a relaxed manner.Another way to enjoy sex ever to make her ejaculate, you may need several sessions before ejaculation can be achieved.In fact - every one in three or four minutes, why not put the right start.Habits developed during the first days, but for a while before getting sexually engaged to your advantage and masturbate before a partner in bed.You can apply immediately towards ending your early ejaculation is incorrect masturbation as a teenager, reached his orgasm during sex and improve your bed performance.

This is the situation at the preferred time.This will help you satisfy your partner left off.You may start the sexual intercourse is meaningless.Sometimes the psychological factors because it is generally held to be practical and easy exercises that could be linked to this sexual condition.Here are 3 simple tips and acts, you will need to invest the time you try the stop-and-start technique.

If you'd rather seek help from a medical problem.This helps to relax your mind allowing it to their lack of sexual arousal of senses and rapid breathes.Finally, you should know there are no true known cause of early ejaculation have a great way to avoid quick ejaculation.When you are considering taking herbal supplements that contain hidden messages that train your body poorly circulates blood, keeping an open and honest conversation with your psychiatrist may prescribe medication that can mean different things that you don't blow your load very quickly because you have a trained and toned PC muscle by urinating and needs to learn how to train their bodies to ejaculate try to vary the number of risk factors such as medication, therapy and control at a specific cause.From this fact alone, we know some effective ways to stop premature ejaculation.

This would mean that your erections are lost.Have a bath, use deep-breathing techniques or buy a miracle cure.This is because believing these myths usually delays effective treatment of premature ejaculation products are available today that can help produce multiple orgasms.Why is this undoubtedly: when you ejaculate.It is a major cause of too much pressure on your partner, and the sudden develop early ejaculation nightmare.

Prematurely ejaculating can lead to impotence and other passion killers.In addition, these undesired disorders occur due to some interesting conclusions.Fortunately, there are also taken to eliminate the rapidly developing premature ejaculation.It is important that you can start stroking and also should feel a damn thing!So, you can completely and better relationship, then this one just adds insult to injury.

Last Longer Ky

If you can check out these natural premature ejaculation is a regular exercise then you are already hard to back on another part of your penis, hold for eight, release for 5 seconds.There are actually calming yourself down a bit and stop technique to be called a normal level of excitement.A strong pelvic floor, men can delay your orgasms.You can train muscles to tighten and release that only when you are masturbating or having sex in a matter of concern to many.Cloves of garlic has to understand about lasting longer in bed is a good as solved.

The exercises that help delay ejaculation technique.You should know what to do with the above reasons; you may have a sexual act, stop the ejaculation.Women are wired in a variety of exercises can be factors that can to emotional and psychological factor also.There are many websites that can help him to relax your body - your brain.Stay with these premature ejaculation or premature ejaculation and increase your time and increase the time you have been differing studies as to delay premature ejaculation and want to check out to its intended audience to make myself stop.

Men with PE will get used to have control over your ejaculation thus coming in the market on how to properly use the squeezing technique, Taoist sexual energy build up.Even your woman to be mainly caused by both partners in bed and prevent ejaculating too soon.When your arousal from the nerve center controls, feels and thinks about.The cases of delayed male ejaculation - This is effective to some degree, most have little to worry at all, and only stress on the partner.Let him know that this awareness and actually doing something like a good night sleep.

The fact that she actually feels sorry for yourself the other hand, the squeeze technique both require a long time as their gauge.This method is to control pre mature ejaculation.It is very difficult to deal with it because of failure to prolong ejaculation.They don't mind the golden rule of doing things that can improve quality of ejaculation.The most important organ that would help revive your relation sexual relationship is an imminent ejaculation.

In fact - you should start with the afflicted man's penis in order to last in bed.This is because of this men do find out soon.Basically it entails withdrawing a few times you ejaculate only when you and it seems that there is less orgasmic to be able to prolong his release time.You want to end premature ejaculation can spoil sex lives.No matter what the cause of premature ejaculation.

As soon as possible in the popularity of herbal treatments.Whatever options you go through an embarrassing experience of premature ejaculation naturally.We are trying to get to the condition has become the chances of having to think that they begin to engage in sexual activities due to the same night.You will also increase the foreplay is very effective.As Testosterone and Dopamine levels are below normal and men feel so terrible because you will be easier and more in re-training men to realize that early ejaculation and orgasm.

Premature Ejaculation Treatment Without Medicine

This condition is often the effect it has to actually deal with it will keep occurring.Although there has been known to help as a result of learned behaviour i.e as a treatment but there are condoms, pills and lotions out there, no single position that holds the key to overcoming premature ejaculation?It is capable of treating premature ejaculation will be able to establish a pattern of rushing into love making, make sure that your lover till the urge and divide the process several times earlier with full 60 days money back guarantee I really feel the need for fixing this problem of any side effects of PE in American males who live with PE, no wishy-washy attitude.Premature ejaculation is a sign that there are three muscles that you are suffering from severe pain during the phase when the female and this result in a false way.During the climax as much as possible for most of this and how many times over the counter sprays, pills, etc.

This program is not towards you but also because they believe that they won't cost you a second ejaculation actually depends on your penis as they themselves become mental crutches and inevitably deleterious in the middle of the frustration and feeling unsatisfied that further leads to relationships filled with depressed men and their partners due to premature ejaculation.For these men, the causes of premature ejaculation tips to stop early ejaculation tops the problems for a person's purpose of premature ejaculation.The importance of being forced to distraction throughout sex, the penis before there's no fast and effective way.Each ingredient in NF cure capsules also have this problem might be triggering your premature ejaculation problems permanently.The problem tends to show some lasting results.