#or chronic fatigue. I'd have to find a doctor who believed me to really figure it out

[oncetherenowhere]

I can feel the burnout coming again. When I got home from work yesterday, I was physically shaking so much that H had to tuck me into bed. I got decent sleep, but woke up an hour before my alarm; now I'm supposed to start heading to work, but the exhaustion is still so bad. I'm lucky that I work very close to where I live- it's only a short walk away. It feels like it may as well be atop a mountain today.

I might entice myself with a Dunkin on the way. Yes, of course, this boston cream donut will fix me.

Augh. I don't know. I'm frustrated. These burnout spells have been happening since I was a kid. Sometimes I feel like all my extra energy is spent trying to push back the inevitable burnouts. Exercise helped regulate my moods, but I was pushing myself too hard the past week, so now I can barely move. How am I gonna make it through the day?? I don't want to call out- I already scheduled a day off next week to give myself more time since I could feel this Badness coming, and I have a lot of stuff to do today.

I am just...SO tired.

[mordcore]

i think we need a global medicine reform. not just talking about third world countries without healthcare like the us of a, but like. the fact that doctors are seen as authorities over patients and how much medical abuse and malpractice this allows to happen.

i understand that there needs to be a system to ensure misinformation doesn't spread and that the scientific consensus of which illnesses exist and how to treat them is respected and widely accepted or that at least you are able to find a doctor who knows their science

but

the current system doesn't really do that. not if you have anything other than a common cold, in my experience. like yes im talking from a perspective of chronic physical and mental illness but even when i had a sinusitis and later an allergic reaction to the prescribed antibiotic, the doctor was very sexist and blamed me for it??? why is this a common experience.

what made me think of this was the fact that self diagnosis is The Ultimate Evil™ and doctors are the authority on my body according to everyone, meanwhile doctors have yet to give a shit about my problems or even believe me when i say what my problems are.

i like the idea of empowerment and that if doctors don't help me i gotta help myself, but i'm baffled by how much resistance i am met with. i get why; misdiagnosis can be dangerous, but why is it worse if i do it than if a doctor does??? im at least not endangering other people???? blaming patients for shitty gaslighting doctors and their consequences is victim blaming plain and simple.

i am also bothered by the way diagnosis works. a diagnosis is basically that a doctor said "i think you have this". but a specific illness that you may or may not be diagnosed for might not actually be a clear-cut thing. scientists still don't really know what POTS is or what causes it. BPD is just a cluster of 9 traits that you need to have 5 of to get diagnosed, meaning that 2 people with BPD might have completely different experiences with "the same illness" but where one illness ends and another begins is often a social construct especially when it comes to mental illnesses.

so why do the labels even matter that much? i keep being told not to care so much about labels but its facts that i need some kind of diagnosis to get the help i need, because of the insurance and the jobcenter and the university and future employers want me to have a diagnosis on paper before providing accomodations.

and these labels that will define my life are slapped onto me by doctors (or sometimes they aren't even if i'd need them) and therefore doctors are authority figures that get to define how im allowed to understand my own conditions, but if i try to take my life into my own hands and say "fuck it im gonna help myself if you dont and im 99% sure i have chronic fatigue syndrome and im gonna act accordingly cause i dont wanna get worse" then suddenly im being Bad or.. something? and it hurts me so much. i know that i have the tendency to self diagnose and then hold on to the label as tightly as i can but i think that's the fault of a system that requires a label and then doesn't provide any. how am i supposed to not care what people think and not be dependent on the validation of doctors when i am not allowed to validate my own experiences or get help without any form of external, doctor-approved validation?

[trustyourgutblog]

❁ Intro. Q&A with S&C ❁

❁ What is your favorite type of movement?

S: I struggled with movement for a long time. Exercise was categorized as a chore in my brain growing up. I had parents who LOVED running, yet running always made me feel like I was dying. I discovered yoga in late high school. Last year, I completely fell in love with a studio that incorporates HIIT, core, and heat to create a dynamic workout. I'm obsessed! It's my therapy, workout, community, and whole heart in one. I also love that yoga is a competition against yourself - constantly bettering your own practice, rather than focused on competition against others.

C: Growing up I was always active and involved in sports like basketball and track. I’ve ALWAYS hated the running aspect, but every now and then I’ll go for a jog outside if it’s nice out. Now that I get to choose my workouts, I enjoy a combination of lifting, yoga, and HIIT workouts. My workout split typically looks like 4 days of lifting and HIIT and 1-2 days of yoga. On rest days, I always start my mornings with a short yoga flow or light stretching. I also enjoy the hot yoga classes that S talked about above! Hot yoga is what brought us together :).

❁ What is your favorite way to de-stress?

S: Oh god. Anything alone. Seriously. I am extroverted until I hit my limit and once I hit that limit it is a hard crash. I recently moved to a really friendly neighborhood and have loved riding my bike to the library, curling up in my hammock, and reading a great book while listening to some instrumental tunes. 

C: So many different ways! As a social worker, in order to be effective, I have to be on top of my self-care at all times. Journaling, meditation, yoga, reading, walking, and playing with my dogs and cats are some of my favorite ways to de-stress. I also find that using ear seeds helps when I’m experiencing high levels of stress or anxiety. Stay tuned for more ear seed info. in later blog posts!

❁ What is your favorite self-care strategy?

S: I need to be organized. I like knowing what food I'm going to eat the next day, having everything written out and color-coded in my planner, etc. I do really well when everything is put in its place and prepped for the next day - to a fault. I tend to deal with my high maintenance personality with obsessive organization because it is the type of self-care that directly combats my ADHD brain and keeps me functioning.

C: In addition to the ways that I de-stress above, I find a sense of calm in my weekly routine. At the beginning of the week, I enjoy cooking and meal prepping lunches for work, cleaning, and journaling my goals and intentions for the week. I have a Panda Planner that I like to use to stay organized. I also feel my best when I’m taking care of myself (i.e. focusing on eating well, being active, and maintaining my beauty/skincare routine).

❁ What are your health passions?

S: I have been on and off vegan for 6 years. I decided to start it back up at the beginning of this year, and 99% of the time I follow veganism. That's a HUGE passion of mine. I also recently started cycle syncing and I can't shut up about it!! I'm so excited to see what benefits it will provide. I'm a RYT200 yoga teacher with certifications in trauma-informed, children's, and teen yoga - I'm particularly passionate about incorporating vulnerability and mental health aspects into my practice. Lastly, I struggle with physical health (Endometriosis diagnosis) and mental health (GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder & ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder diagnosis), this has been a huge journey for me over the past two years. I am currently at a point where I manage these diagnoses really well naturally and it's important to me.

C: GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH! That is what inspired the name for this blog! I find that my gut health impacts my skin, moods, weight, energy level, and my overall well-being. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and IBD in 2016 and have been focused on healing myself with a combination of Western Medicine-based medication, nutrition and journaling food sensitivities, vitamin supplements, movement, and strategies to improve my mental health. Don’t get me wrong - I’m very passionate about mental health in general as I’m a practicing therapist, however, I tend to get burnt out on focusing on mental health only as it is often difficult for my consumers to incorporate a holistic approach. I am also passionate about movement and working on my fitness, as Fergie would say. There’s something uplifting about accomplishing a new fitness goal whether it’s increasing my weights in lifting or holding a headstand in yoga (still working on that one lol).

❁ What led you to wholistic wellness?

S: I had parents who made a huge lifestyle change right after my freshman year of high school. As a family, we went vegan cold turkey (or is it cold tofurkey? pls laugh) and my Mom poured her heart and soul into researching natural alternatives. I have had my own battle with balancing traditional medicine with more holistic results. I very strongly believe in wholistic approaches - I'm not against medication by any means, but I believe it's so so important to treat the whole person and that there is no "one size fits all" approach.

C: Growing up, I didn’t think there was anything particularly “unhealthy” about my lifestyle, but reflecting back as an adult, I can definitely say that we were not a household that was focused on optimal nutrition. We drank gallons of milk and Sunny D and ate maybe a serving of canned vegetables per day. We were active, so no one in my family was overweight, but I think my parents were just raising us on foods that they grew up on (that and canning became all the rage in the 90’s). I would say that I became passionate about holistic approaches to my health shortly after I was diagnosed with Crohn’s and was trying to learn to manage my symptoms. I had a lot of inflammation in 2016 and was prescribed a low dosage of steroids until my doctor prescribed immunosuppressants to keep my immune system from attacking my colon. I began focusing on more holistic approaches when I noticed that medication alone wasn’t making me feel 100%. Sure, it stopped my active inflammation, however, I was still struggling with stomach cramping, diarrhea, and chronic fatigue. About 1 year after I was diagnosed, my husband and I moved to a larger area where I had access to more specialized medical providers. My new gastroenterologist (GI) referred me to a nutritionist who helped me to learn to identify my food sensitivities. She also referred me to a behavioral health psychologist who provided me with an outlet for my stress and anxiety. I began to learn that I was holding chronic tension in my stomach whenever I was stressed or anxious about something. That’s when I began to understand the importance of holistic health.

❁ What is your personal social media?

S: @sarahlhively on Instagram

C: @cassandruh_dee on Instagram

❁ What kind of posts can I expect to see on this blog?

S: I'm really excited to talk about managing mental health naturally (particularly anxiety), possible book recommendations, self-care, and healthy meal prepping while on a broke college student’s budget.

C: I look forward to sharing my personal experiences with navigating my chronic health issues, nutrition, FODMAPs, gut health, mental health, the gut-brain connection, fitness/movement, and self-care.

❁ Why social work?

S: It's nice to not have this question followed up by "you know you'd make much more money as _______. Is it too late to change your major?" But for real. I started college as a special education major, quickly realized I'd rather do pretty much anything other than write lesson plans, and switched to being a WGST major. I expected to be able to get a job doing advocacy work with a particular focus on LGBTQ+ & women issues. I soon realized the WGST track is for students who eventually want to do research and social work was more what I was looking for. I never looked back. The multiple directions a social work degree can be taken in, the continually changing cases, the advocacy, vulnerability, and seeking justice for people all capture my heart. 

C: I have always been passionate about having a career centered around helping people. I became interested in therapy after having a particularly negative experience with a therapist that my dad sent me to when I was getting caught in the middle of my parent’s divorce and I experienced some trauma. I originally pursued psychology, however, fell into social work when I figured out that there are so many different opportunities available for MSWs.  I truly love my job and feel grateful to be compensated (FYI times have changed and not all social workers make next to nothing - thank the universe) for serving the children and families on my caseload