oncetherenowhere

[oncetherenowhere]

rough sketches of some old republic women

[oncetherenowhere]

[oncetherenowhere]

The problem with commercial F/M romance is that it's written by the most heterosexual women alive and reading it you feel yourself slowly suffocating from the Gender of it all like a fish in a eutrophying lake. And what we actually need as a culture is F/M written by insane bisexuals violently allergic to heteronormativity

[oncetherenowhere]

Giving up dairy has actually been quite easy. I feel so much better physically that I don't miss things like cheese at all. We had guests over last week, and I made a dairy-free lasagna that came out amazing. For the ricotta, I used silken tofu that I whipped with vegan parmesan and a bunch of spices. It's going to sound odd, but I used plain cream of wheat as a thickener, as it looked too watery, and I think it contributed to the texture being VERY MUCH like ricotta once baked. It was absolutely delicious. There's a million good dairy-free options, and I've been opting for plant-based rather than lactose-free. I was able to use lactaid effectively at first, but I think my body got used to no dairy FAST, because it stopped working super well.

[oncetherenowhere]

Have some so crazy but true and beautiful to say

Alan Cumming 1993 Hamlet images giving very heavy Atton Rand Jedi Killer Energy . To Me . Sorry!

[oncetherenowhere]

I need to replay Kotor 2 with a carefully crafted OC that I roleplay all the nuance of within my mind as I play. I think that would fix me

[oncetherenowhere]

[oncetherenowhere]

so true

[oncetherenowhere]

having viral posts is all fun and games until you have clowns in your mentions being like "well, op, i bet you also didn't know THIS" [haughtily explains something i absolutely would and do know] like add whatever to my posts that you think is informative just don't direct it at ME! i know! i just didn't include it in the post i made in 20 seconds because i didn't think 30,000 of you would see it!

[oncetherenowhere]

Why don't they make stained glass fish tanks? Give those fish Catholic guilt

[oncetherenowhere]

[oncetherenowhere]

Ten years ago, I left home for the first time. Ten years ago, I met the man who'd later become my husband. Ten years ago...

I've been thinking about it all year. 2014 was a major turning point for me. It was the year I became a legal adult. The year I tasted freedom for the first time. Everything was so beautiful through the lens of that freedom. I felt like myself, for the first time. I wore what I wanted to wear, did the things I wanted to do, and I thought I made friends who saw me and loved me for who I was.

I wish it continued like that. It's not fair how brief it all was.

I've made so many friends who secretly hated me. Over the past ten years, I've made so many friends who would keep me around to laugh at me. They'd talk about me to their other friends, sometimes in secret group chats, and complain about how weird I was. Meanwhile, they'd have me get them gifts, pay for everything, they'd trust me with their personal problems, I'd get into all the things they liked.

I've been working through it with my therapist, and realized that all these intense friendships started the exact same way. I keep falling into the same pattern.

Now that I know the pattern, I have some tactics I can use to protect myself, but I'm still so scared. I keep wanting to go out and talk to people, but I don't think I can handle a rejection right now, and I'm worried that the first person I meet who's kind, I'll forget all my new tactics and trust them right off the bat.

It's weird. I've had very good luck with romantic relationships, and a track record of these tumultuous platonic relationships.

I'm genuinely exhausted right now from work, but I'm in one of those moods where I'm just replaying all these horrible moments in my mind from these old relationships...all these things that hurt me, times I should have stood up for myself.

This year, in many ways, has felt like one of the worst years of my life. All of these weird traumas keep popping back up, it feels like I keep reliving every bad thing that's ever happened to me. I've been triggered in the past, but this year has been like...I feel like I've been in a triggered headspace nearly the entire time. How did I get less resilient, not more? When I was little, everyone told me I'd grow out of my sensitivity, that one day I'd be strong, be able to handle things, and I feel like I've gotten worse instead of better.

There have been moments over the past decade where I really felt like I got my shit together. I'm hoping I can get back to that, but it's just...I've been struggling so much, and I have no one to talk to.

All I want to do is get a drink with a friend and just talk.

[oncetherenowhere]

the overwhelming feeling of sadness sometimes when someone treats me with kindness

[oncetherenowhere]

Glen Martin Taylor, “but i am safe in here.”

[oncetherenowhere]

Made bone broth yesterday. Checked it this morning after it had cooled in the fridge overnight, and was delighted to find that it had gelled up with a huge fat cap. I separated the fat, and am excited to use it for other things.

I don't know. Not much else to talk about. I've still been worried about my mom, even though she's okay.

I wish I had more to write about. I feel like I've been in a daze for like, two weeks, maybe longer.

[oncetherenowhere]

WE'RE MAKING IT OUT OF THE TIME LOOP WITH THIS ONE ‼️‼️‼️‼️

[oncetherenowhere]

no i am not immune to early 2000s pop-punk music that fucks a little harder than everyone likes to admit