#or a new pair of tennis or climbing shoes. etc etc.

[apocalypticdemon]

for all i bang on about consumerism being bad i sure do like to purchase books, huh.

[fandima-moved-read-pinned]

Aven, all the numbers :)

1- Animated character that was your gay awakening? : I mean my gay awakening was an irl person so I don't know? I can't think of any rn 

2- Grilled cheese or PB&J? : Grilled cheese bc PB&J is gross just peanut butter and jelly are both good on their own but I don't like the way they taste combined 

3- What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? : Baking videos! Particularly the ones that have no voicover or any voice and you have to turn on the subtitles to know what ingredients they're using bc the words on the screen are in ankther language 

4- Your go-to bar order, if you drink? : chocolate milkshake no alcohol (the only time I've been to a bar that's what I ordered) 

5- What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? : My black tennis shoes, but they're really old and worn and I need new ones but I've been telling my parents for god knows how long and they don't give a shit 

6- Top three cuisines? : pfft cuisines I love that word its funny to me just I can't say it out loud without smiling or laughing anyway I guess shrimp fettuccine alfredo, medium rare steak, and fuggin uhhhhhh Danny Kids Cuisines

7- What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)?: I have no clue, I think my dad once said it was car or cat but they couldn't tell which 

8- What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had?: I've never had a job really, I mean I volunteered at the library one summer but I think that's it 

9- Look up. What’s directly across from you? : A large bowl of pancake batter (I'm making pancakes rn) 

10- Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general?: I've got an Air Force flag signed by the Air Force basketball team from that one time we went to a game. I've also got a really old shirt with the sifnirure of a country singer who I've never heard of (I don't think she made it big) 

11- Preferred way to spend a rainy day? : Drawing. Raining tends to make me want to draw more! Also watching the Great British Baking Show 

12- What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted?: normally I don't eat bagels. But Nutella and almonds and bananas on a plain bagel is really good! Also does it mean like anything I want on a bagel? Because I will order $1M on a bagel and only eat the bagel and bam I'm rich it said ANYTHING so heck yeah it never said it has to be food 

13- Brunch or midnight snacks?: Ooh brunch! I love brunch. I've never had a midnight snack tho so I can't really say for sure. 

14- Favorite mug you own: my Coffee Mug 

Also say hi to Emrys he's helping me make dinner 

15- What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? : 3% coffee 96% sugar 1% baked beans 

16- Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!): "I've grown tired of this body" Body by Mother Mother 

17- Fruity or herbal teas? : Fruity I guess? I'm not a big fan of tea, but I've had this watermelon mint tea and added ice and a bunch of sugar and it was pretty good 

18- What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless?:.... Sonic X (it was part of my childhood and I just really like the theme and I like it in general don't judge pls) 

19- That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying?: It wasn't a book we read as a glass but I think it was called the dragonfly something I dunno it was a while ago but it was really interesting 

20- Do you match your socks? Nope 

21- Have you ever been horseback riding?: I don't think so? 

22- What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc)- creepypasta everything. Every single thing. 

23- Have you ever been to jail?: nope

24- What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)?: I don't have an opinion on them? Is there Lazy Susan discourse I don't know about 

25- Puzzles?: no hate them they can burn 

26- You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it?: Apple juice I suppose? I don't drink much juice (I only really drink water, a little bit of coffee, and milk) 

27- What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore?: Fiction/Fantasy 

28- What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now?: I'm trying to start sewing again! 

29- Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat?: none, I only listen to music at night and I'm not really upbeat then. 

30- Where could someone find you in a museum?: the exit (sorry I've never really enjoyed myself at museums) 

31- What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to?: None. I don't likem my clothes. All my dresses are too small minus like one. 

32- Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds?: Stars! I rarely get to see them. 

33- If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be?: Are ferrets rodents? I'd like a ferret I'd name it Malfoy

34- Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs?: Art for sure. I have no photographs on my walls, only my own paintings. 

35- You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go?: "Yeet" in cursive on my shoulder is area place thing 

36- Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with: none sorry I don't like superheros 

36- Lakes, rivers, or oceans?: Oceans!!!!!!!!! They're so pretty and blue and filled with fish and pretty and fun to swim in and salty and cold and nice and amazing I love the ocean I miss it 

38- Favorite mid-2000s song: I'm not sure, I don't keep track of when songs were released ;-;

39- How do you dress when you’re home alone?: Just my normal clothes. T-shirt and leggings or shorts. 

40- Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)?: The Corner Spot. My my brother keeps stealing it. 

41- Knives or swords?: Knives bc you can cut bread with them 

42- A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving:  Body by Mother Mother. Also Burning Pile. 

43- Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie: None we didn't have Djnsye when I was a kid 

44- Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online?: Quote that relates to the photos? 

44- Name a classic Vine: Why you got a twelve car garage when you only got FIFTEEN CATS CUZ WE ALL JUST WANNA BE BIG RJCJSTARS 

46- What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store?: I don't go to the store but probably ice cream 

47- How do you top your ice cream?: More Ice Cream 

48- Do you like Jello?: it's okay it's a bit odd tho 

49- What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did?: the time I slapped a guy in the face multiple times 

50- How are you at climbing trees?: I'm pretty good at it, I climbed trees a lot as a kid and I climbed one a few weeks ago and was like "woah I'm still good at this?" 

[purplesurveys]

589

Have you ever been served breakfast in bed? Sure. When we don’t feel like having breakfast at the table together as a family, my mom just brings up food for us when we wake up. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don’t cook or bake at all but back when we had to do it in home ec, I remember how hard macarons were to make (if this counts). Baking in general demands precision, it’s just that the skill needed to make macarons is pumped up to the max. Are you one to approach others, or let them approach you first? I let people approach me because I’m shy most of the time. When was the last time you took painkillers? Saturday. My toothaches struck once again and I didn’t want to be burdened while at dinner with Gab, so I had to take a painkiller for the second time that day. Have you ever picked flowers out of someone else's garden without asking? No. That’s kind of a dick move.

Who did you give them to, or did you keep them for yourself? What is your favorite thing to do as a little kid? I loved being allowed to play outside. My grandma was very strict with us and would sometimes not allow us to go outside and play with our neighbors – if we were allowed, we only could from 4 to 6 PM. So whenever we got to go out and play it was always really fun, even though I almost always went home sporting a new gash, cut, or wound. Then when we came back home, Nickelodeon would usually have an awesome program schedule, followed by changing the channel to Cartoon Network at 7 so we could watch Pokemon, then we’d flick the channel to Disney because Mr. Bean airs around 9 PM. Are holidays as fun for you now as they were when you were younger? I looked forward to holidays more when I was a kid because it was before a bunch of my relatives migrated to different countries. It’s never the same without them, which is often the case these days. Do you find non-fiction to be boring? I find fictional works to be boring, but I can spend hours reading non-fiction content. Are you a punctual person? Or are you always late? Yes, I hate being late.  Do you own a thesaurus? Do you actually use it? I owned a thesaurus because I had to back in grade school, but I’m not sure if I actually ever threw it out or not. Nowadays Google can easily be a thesaurus if I need it for that purpose. What is the longest essay or research paper you have written? It was our final paper for my communication research class last semester. If I remember correctly, it has about 90 pages.  Do you ever write your own short stories? I tried doing it when I was 12 or 13, but I didn’t find it fun. Also I was never creative enough for it and got bored real quick. I envy people who can write very good short stories. Have you ever won money by entering a contest/raffle? Raffles are a Filipino favorite and we have a lot of them, so yeah I’ve won some cash here and there. Have you ever lost something very valuable? Of course. The first valuable thing I ever lost was my first ever cellphone, given to me as a 7th birthday gift by my parents; I lost it while on a school field trip. I’ve always felt bad about that. Have you ever lost something with a lot of sentimental value? In high school, I lost a watch that my mom gave me. It was a super pretty watch and again, I haaaaated myself when I realized I had misplaced it.   Have you ever been close to drowning? Yes. When I was nine, my cousins and I went for a swim in our clubhouse’s pool. I was swimming at the deep end – which I normally could handle by myself – but suddenly one of my cousins grabbed at my legs which kept me from being able to lift my head above water because it felt like I was being dragged further down. Have you ever had a panic attack? Yes. I haven’t had one in a couple of years though, so I guess that’s good. What stores do you go into when you go to mall? I’m not a big store person when I go malling, but when I do stop by shops, it’s usually stationery stores, bookstores, or stores that sell cute novelty stuff like weird coasters, flasks, alarm clocks, etc. Do you ever stop to eat in the food court? Only if we want a quick snack to get by, like shawarma or corndogs. As much as possible I like eating in sitdown restaurants. Do you find it easy to relate to other people? These days, yeah. I’ll admit that when I was younger, I used to put a premium on being ‘not like other teenagers’ BAHAHAHAHA YUCK, but tbh there’s no shame in being able to relate to many others in terms of music or TV shows or other similar interests. It helps me gain friends, which is always a plus. Who is your favorite philosopher? I hate philosophy more than anything else in this planet. What is your favorite song to sing? OMG Thinking of You by Katy Perry easily takes the cake for this one. Do you consciously try to be unique, or do you just be you? I’m just me for the most part. Do you worry about being judged by other people? Sometimes, but it’s usually for stuff like having to borrow a pen in class, or having to ask for a piece of yellow pad – basically stuff that would make people think I was irresponsible haha. If someone doesn't like you, do you usually want to know the reason? Yes, just out of curiosity. But I wouldn’t feel like it’s the end of the world if I never got to know why. When was the last time you told someone something really important? A couple of weeks ago; I had to tell Gab I passed out quietly for a few minutes in the restroom in the middle of PE. The workout was too difficult and I didn’t have my water bottle with me that day, so I felt queasy quickly. Have you ever lost a large amount of money? Thankfully, no. The only time I lost my wallet, there was only around ₱600 in it. Have you ever tried to blame something you did on someone else? I mostly did it when I was a kid and blamed my little sister or brother for something. Did that person get in trouble, or did the plan fail? Failed, obviously.

What is the weirdest hairstyle you have ever had? I never went with weird hairstyles but my worst look will always be rebonded hair. I have a square face with a very strong jaw; completely straight hair has never suited me. Describe the ugliest pair of shoes you own? I don’t think I’ve ever allowed myself to wear shoes I thought were ugly, haha. How many times a day do you look in the mirror? For how long? Maybe a few times. Once before I leave the house, then maybe one or two times from my webcam just so I know how I currently look while in school, then again when I get home. Are you ashamed to leave the house when not looking your best? Not ashamed, just uncomfortable. If you are antisocial, WHY are you that way? That’s a legitimate personality disorder and I prefer we didn’t throw that word around like it’s nothing. Are you modest? Well I used to be, back when I was in Catholic school. I still hold some traditional sentiments here and there but I wouldn’t call myself modest. What is your favorite singer? Beyonce or Hayley Williams, for sure. If you could relive one day from last year, what day would it be? Why? April 21, 2018! It was my birthday and my first time driving out of town by myself. Gab and I went to Nasugbu for a day trip to the beach and Tagaytay for dinner. It was soooooo so fun even though we were exhausted afterwards and I was fighting to keep my eyes open while driving by that evening.   What is something that you are afraid to fail at? Something I’m supposed to be really good at, like writing. What would happen if you did fail at it? I’d feel insecure for a long time and for that period, no one would be able to encourage me and make me feel better. Do you ever worry about your loved ones dying? Ever since my grandpa and now Nacho passed away, yes. What is the cutest thing a guy could do for a girl? The cutest thing anyone* can do for anyone* is making time for them, I guess. I’m not very picky when it comes to showing love. Stuffed animals--immature, or should everyone have one? Neither. I don’t mind them but I don’t hate them. What do you like in your breakfast burritos? I don’t think I’ve ever had a breakfast burrito. What restaurant would you choose to go to for breakfast? Rustic Mornings, La Creperie, or Eggs For Breakfast! How much money do you think you cost your parents? Millions. Do you have good hand/eye coordination? Only when it comes to table tennis. I generally wouldn’t call myself skilled at catching stuff. Can you do a flip on a trampoline? I haven’t tried, and I think I’d be too scared to anyway. Do you remember the last time you climbed a tree? I don’t think I’ve ever climbed a tree...most trees here are riddled with red ants. Did you ever lie on your back and pick shapes out of clouds as a kid? Sure, but I didn’t do it all the time nor does it feel nostalgic to me. Do you watch any Japanese anime? Other than watching Pokemon when I was a kid, no. Is there a foreign culture you are interested in learning more about? I’m always interested in learning all foreign cultures. Do you let your emotions get the best of you in a fight? Sometimes. Do you know anyone whose reputation has recently been ruined? That’s what happened to Nach. It’s why I was always more gentle in dealing with him than everyone else, because I knew just how damaged his rep was after what happened. I didn’t want to add to that anymore. When did you first get a cellphone? I got my first one on my 7th birthday. Do you have your own laptop computer? Yes. How about your own digital computer? Like...a cellphone or calculator? I guess, yeah lmao. Do you drive your own car, or your parents? I’ve been given my own car for me to drive, but my parents bought it and own it. Say something inappropriate? Cunt. Always been my least favorite bad word. What were you doing before you started taking this survey? I washed the dishes. Describe the best summer you ever had? I don’t like my summers. It’s not a part of the year I look fondly on. Do you eat any meat other than turkey on Thanksgiving? I don’t celebrate that holiday. Did you attend a pre-school? My only other school apart from UP has a preschool, elementary, and high school. I studied there for 14 years. We also have a college, but it’s in our Makati campus.  Do you remember what it was like to learn to count to 100? Not really. What is something you lost in the process of growing up? The concept of looking to my mom if I have any problems. Do you wear any wristbands? If so, what's on them? Nope, I do not. What was the last picture you were in? We took a family photo over lunch yesterday. Did you have required reading material in high-school? We had required reading material from Prep all the way to senior year in high school. Do you keep your room organized? I try to. It becomes messy slowly over time but I always end up tidying my room. Do you vacuum daily? I don’t. How many board games do you own? A couple. I have Scrabble, Pictionary, and Trivial Pursuit. Own any books? ...Of course. Recently checked any books out from the library? Nah that was about a month ago. I recently returned a (overdue) book though. Does your cat give you kitty kisses? My dog gives me a single lick to the face whenever I come home from school. What’s in your make-up bag? I don’t have one.

[fuckyouijustwanttotumbl]

Mistletoe - Namjoon

Alright y’all. This is my first time posting a fic. I hope you like it. If not, well.... sorry....

Just a cute fluffy piece for you Namjoon stans out there

           “I don’t understand how Regan can be so cocky one minute and panic text us the next. I mean, she’s terrible at wrapping present, and she knows this, but she still challenges Kook to a wrap off?” your friend vents. She tosses her hair over her shoulder as you pull up in front of the guys’ house. “But because we love her, we have to go save her. This girl is going to be the death of me.” Brook shakes her head as she turns off the car, turning back to you.

           You smile, agreeing with your friend, climbing out of the car. Regan and Jungkook were both very competitive, though usually the bet wasn’t worth a date. They also were usually in public, so when Regan did need an escape plan, it was easy enough to dip into a coffee shop or bar and whisk her away. This time though, you had to some how rescue her from Jungkook’s apartment with both his roommates there, including Brook’s boyfriend, Jimin, and your crush, Namjoon.

           You had met before Brook and Jimin started dating, while they were still playing the game of ‘do they like me?’ It was at a bar, Brook and Jimin bringing back up to their not-a-date date; you and Regan for Brook and Namjoon and Jungkook for Jimin. The love birds quickly lost themselves in conversation, Regan and Jungkook competing to down the most shots within minutes of meeting, leaving you and Namjoon to stand around awkwardly, both of you being shy around new people.

           You eventually warmed up to one another to have a basic conversation, finding out surface level things about each other, favorite food and color, etc., until you got onto the topic of books. Holy cow was that a fantastic conversation. Never in your life had you met someone who had read such an array of genres and large amount of material from different time periods.

           Too soon was the night over (Regan dared Jungkook to do a backflip off the bar and got everyone kicked out), leaving the two of you with nothing more than memories of two souls touching briefly through a common love of literature.

           Now here you were, months later, sadly having drifted back to the awkward small talk phase and about the implement an emergency evacuation. The butterflies you felt in your stomach were definitely annoyance towards your friend and not anxiety about seeing a guy you were falling for.

           You followed Brook to the front door of the boys’ home, able to hear some loud noises coming from inside, sounding suspiciously like shoes being thrown across a room. Brook barely knocks before the door flies opening, presenting a panicked Jimin.

           “Oh, thank god you both are here, Regan’s about to kill him,” he says, grabbing onto his girlfriend, dragging her inside, and forcing you to follow.

           ‘Maybe he isn’t here and we can just grab Regan and run and it’ll be like I was never here-‘ you thought, just as Namjoon rounded the corner in a pair of track pants and a sweatshirt. He had chunky headphones covering his ears and was looking down at his phone. He hadn’t seen you yet, that is, until he was the unfortunate barrier Jungkook used to block Regan’s projectile.

           “Noona! Stop it! You hit Namjoon hyung!” Jungkook screamed from behind his elder’s back. The shoe Regan had thrown had hit Namjoon in the hip, not injuring him, but causing him to look up and notice you and Brook before struggling to get out of the middle of the battle ground.

           He made his way over to you and the couple just as Regan threw a throw pillow and bolted out of the room, the maknae chasing after her.

           “I’m going to kill them,” Jimin said.

           “Not if I kill them first,” Brook said. “Let’s go break them up.”

           “Or we could lock them in his bedroom and leave them be until they work this out… however they want,” Jimin said smiling, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Brook laughed and headed after the two warriors, her boyfriend following behind her.

           You were blushing hard due to Jimin’s comment and started looking around the room to try to focus on anything other than the burning in your face. That’s when you noticed how destructive the two heathens had been. The Christmas decorations that had once been hung on the walls were knocked down, festive toys knocked off the tables and couches of the living room, and wrapping materials strewn across the floor. There was glitter all over the floor and even a pair of scissors tangled in ribbon hanging from the ceiling light.

           “Wow, they really are in denial about their feelings, aren’t they?” Namjoon said, looking around the room as well. His voice caused you to face the beautiful man, once again having you question how a person could be so attractive.

           You smile at his comment, replying, “I think it’s only Regan that’s in denial.” He laughs and faces you, giving you a full view of his dimpled smile.

           “I bet you’re right. Well, I don’t think either of them will clean this up without another fight, so I better do it.” Namjoon says, walking towards the kitchen.

           “Let me help, I feel bad about letting you do it all. I’ll make sure to give Regan a firm boop when we get home for doing this,” you say following him. He laughs again, muttering something under his breath. “What was that?”

           “Nothing. Sorry. I was just talking to myself,” Namjoon replies, pulling a broom and cleaning spray out of a small closet connected to the kitchen. You grab a roll of paper towels as the two of you head back out to the destruction that is the living room.

           “You know, they say that people who talk to themselves are more intelligent.” You smile at him, happy that this conversation is more than just talking about the weather.

           He seems flustered by your statement, the tips of his ears turning a pink color. “I don’t know about that… I’m not that smart.”

           “Are you kidding, only someone with an incredible brain would be able to appreciate the romance story in the Captive Prince trilogy without getting caught up in all the kinky stuff, you were able to read the true story and enjoy it!” How could he think was average, someone who had shown you the side that you also obtained but could never use to relate to anyone besides him.

           Namjoon’s cheeks are bright red from your compliment as he shuffles further into the room. You think you hear him mutter ‘thanks,’ but you aren’t sure. He’s quiet for a bit before saying, “how about you pick up the toys while I hang everything back up and we’ll both clean up the glitter?”

           “That works for me.”

           The two of you set about cleaning the mess, giving each other small smiles when your eyes meet. You sometimes hear the sound of voices being raised deeper in the house, but you choose to ignore them and focus on finishing your task as quickly as possible.

           Before you know it, the two of you had cleaned everything, not even a piece of glitter left on the floor. “Wow, that actually didn’t take as long as I thought it would. Thank you, Cassie. I really appreciate your help,” Namjoon says, giving you another dimpled smile.

           “It really was no problem. Oh, what’s that?” There was something sitting in the ceiling light fixture bowl, casting a shadow about the size of a tennis ball on the glass. Namjoon reached up, pulling out a small bundle of green and white that makes a tinkling noise when he moves it.

           “I guess Kook was trying really hard to get Regan to go out with him,” a voice said from the doorway. You both turn, Namjoon’s arm still raised above your heads, seeing Brook standing in the doorway. “I guess it’s you, Joon, who lucks out today.” Another bang sounds from the other room, causing Brook to groan and head back to the mayhem that was your friends.

           “Oh, um, sorry, I didn’t realize what it was…” Namjoon says quietly, looking anywhere but at you. You nervously put your hair behind your ear, trying not to feel awkward about the whole situation. Both of you are silent until Namjoon says, “adorable.”

           You’re caught off guard, unsure what he’s referring to. “What?”

           “Earlier, when you asked what I said, I said adorable… I think you’re adorable…”

           Your eyes snap up to his face, his eyes wide as if he can’t believe he just admitted that to you. “I… I think you’re adorable, too…” The smile that lights up his face is brighter than the Christmas tree standing in the corner (which you just realized had shoes hanging in its branches).

           “So… would it be okay if we did the whole mistletoe thing? I heard it’s bad luck if you don’t… And honestly, I don’t want bad luck on top of living with Jungkook.”

           “Yeah, that would be cruel and unusual punishment.”

           You both just stand there until, slowly, Namjoon leans his head down towards yours, you own face angling up to meet him half way. Your lips touch and you feel the magic that you felt the first night you met. The magic of two souls, so perfectly in tune with one another, that time literally stands still and can’t be disrupted except by a super natural force.

           That super natural force being Regan’s desire to flee. At the sound of her scream, the two of you break apart just as she bolts through the living room. “Shoes, I need my shoes. God, why did I throw my own shoes?!”

           “Noona! You lost! We need to figure out the details of our date! I was thinking a dinner at that sushi place you like and then maybe frozen yogurt or maybe we could go see that show at the opera house-“ Regan reaches into the tree, grabbing one the shoes lodged inside.

           Before another battle could ensue, Namjoon whisks you out the front door and on to the porch. You notice small white flakes falling from the sky and settling on face of the angel in front of you. “Magical,” you say.

           Namjoon is looking at you the way you both look at books, in wonder and awe. He leans down to kiss you again, wrapping his arms around your waist. He pulls away and rests his forehead against your own, still close enough for his lips to brush against yours as he says, “magical indeed.”

[lauramclark]

2017 Lessons Learned

Well, I guess the seasons over.  I hiked 35 unique 14ers and 2 13ers since June of this year, bringing my total 14er count to 47 (including repeats).  I also made several failed attempts of 14ers and successful summits of peaks at 8K, 9K, 10K, and 11K not included in these numbers. 

When I started this endeavor last June I had a goal of hiking eleven 14ers this year.  I more than tripled that goal.  Not because I intended to, but because it became really fun:  mountaineering became a passion, a lifestyle, and very, very addicting. 

Most trails took 3-5 hours to drive to, approximately 10 hours to conquer, and 3-5 hours to drive back.  That’s a lot of solo time to think:  I loved every minute of it!

I’ve learned a lot too.  So much I could easily write a book.  Obviously I’m not done learning:  Mountaineering is full of continuous learning, improvement, and reevaluating.   

I wouldn’t be exaggerating to tell you my whole world view has changed this summer.  We all hear or read certain words and immediately a picture comes to mind of what that word means.  We have an association with that word.  For example, what do you see in your mind when you hear the word gully, traverse, junction, self arrest, spur, couloir, glissade,  basin, post hole, head wall, saddle, pitch,  scramble, ridge, cornice, crevasse, chute, narrow, soft, hard, rock wall, scree, river crossing, switchbacks, talus, summer storm, exposure, approach, cairn, chimney, timberline, gain the summit or take the ridge? 

Previous to this 14er endeavor I had visions in my head to fill all these words and phrases, but in this past climbing season these visions have changed.  Drastically.  They’ve come to life and taken on a world of their own.  Now when I see the word ‘basin’ in my head it’s not a drawing on a map, but a full scale area of drainage and rolling hills spanning multiple football fields in length, covered in tundra and alpine flowers.  A ‘gully’ is a 4 letter word (more on that later) and ‘exposure’ is something dangerous that could include drastic changes in weather or falling to my death.  When I hear the phrase ‘take the ridge’ I see a long narrow mountaintop with steep drops on either side I’m supposed to navigate around towers or rock to get to the summit I wish to climb.  I can envision in my mind vividly what each of these words means as an experience, and these experiences have changed me. 

As I said earlier, I’ll continue to learn, and I’ve learned more than I could ever put into words here, but I’ll give you some of the highlights in no particular order: 

Climbing is not the same as Hiking.  There is a huge difference between hiking and climbing (and between different types of climbing).  All 14ers include a hike, but not all include a climb.  I’d say most climbs begin with Difficult Class 2 and include Class 3 and above.  A climb requires putting away the camera and using all four appendages to scale a mountain.  There were times this caught me off guard, even with proper planning.  In essence, climbing is mountaineering, and hiking is just that (hiking).  

Hiking /Climbing /Mountaineering takes planning:  Successful summits don’t just happen.  Driving directions, routes, GPS coordinates, weather, dates, time, ability, etc. all need to be taken care of before the hike actually takes place.  Of course, you can just try to do all this on the fly, but I can guarantee you something will go wrong.  Things go wrong with even the best of plans, but when you plan you give yourself a bigger degree of success. 

When you plug in the coordinates into your GPS and it brings you 200 feet but 10 driving miles away from the trailhead where you no longer have access to cellular data and the GPS keeps unsuccessfully trying to reroute but you HAVE NO DATA and you arrive in the dark it can be daunting, but if you have a printed map available that can get you where you’re supposed to go you’ll appreciate your planning. This happened to me so many times this summer I’ve lost count.  

In addition, there were several times I found out hours before a hike my booked schedule was now free and I was able to go.  If I hadn’t already pre-planned routes, driving directions, etc. I would have missed out on a hike because they take a while to plan.  Several times weather derailed my plans at the last minute.  Because I’d put together dozens of potential trips I just switched to an area with more favorable weather.  Mountaineering takes planning.  Plan.

Hike when you can (see above).  It’s not always easy to get up at 2am and drive 4 hours to a trailhead, but I’ve never regretted a hike.  If I slept in on all the days I wanted to instead of hiking I would have missed dozens of amazing experiences, all for sleep.  You can tell people about your dreams or your accomplishments.  As far as I’m concerned, sleep when the weather is bad, hike when you can.

Difficult Class 2 means gully.  I hate gullies.  I used to think a gully was a beautiful canyon full of lush landscape, trees, waterfalls, and streams (hello, Fern Gully?) but they’re not.  Gullies are alleys eroded by water and snow.  They’re usually narrow and steep, formed by loose rock and sand, extremely difficult to find traction on to climb, and the only route up the mountain due to steep rocks on all sides. 

The more challenging ones encompass an entire mountainside.  They are difficult to climb up, but even more difficult to climb down, as your center of gravity is off and slipping and sliding hundreds of yards to your death or grave bodily injury is a serious possibility.  In my opinion, gullies are more dangerous and difficult to climb than a Class 3, and a route that includes a gully is one I try to avoid if at all possible. Wear a helmet and microspikes whether or not there’s snow/ice.

Listen to others.  Ask for advice from others who’ve summited a mountain you’ve yet to summit.  I’ve never understood why some people just don’t want to take advice?  Everyone has something you can learn from.  As far as I’m concerned, I want to be as prepared as possible when out there dozens or hundreds of miles from civilization (read: help is far away).  It’s great to know if there’s a false summit or difficult area that has a trick to get around.  Ask hikers hiking down the mountain while you’re hiking up about conditions (etc.) and truly listen to their responses.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been hiking down a mountain due to weather and tried to warn people hiking up. No one has ever taken my advice, and I know for a fact several of them ended up getting caught in hailstorms above treeline. 

Everyone has different comfort levels / risk tolerances.  Know yours.  When getting advice from others keep this in mind.  Challenge yourself, but don’t be stupid.  I’ve taken several routes I know I wouldn’t have completed if I’d been with others because I have a higher risk tolerance than most people.  We would have turned back and I wouldn’t have summited.  I’ve also taken alternate routes when the one in front of me was too difficult.  The bottom line is if you don’t feel comfortable don’t do it just because someone else has. 

Climbing time and pace don’t correlate to distance.  Just because you can hike 20 miles in a day near your home doesn’t mean you can hike a 20 mile 14er in the same amount of time.  A general rule of thumb for hiking is 2mph, but this varies widely depending on ability, experience, weather, carrying weight, and terrain.  Just because you hiked a 7 mile class 1 14er in 3 hours does not mean you can hike a 7 mile class 2 14er in 3 hours.  Look at elevation gain and difficulty of terrain before setting out, and remember climbing takes longer than hiking.  Think about it:  Can you climb up a mile worth of rocks in the same amount of time it would take you to walk the same distance?  Probably not.  This corresponds with 14ers too, and learning your speed comes with experience. 

Keep your pack packed.  This also goes hand in hand with planning.  If you never unpack your gear you’ll never need to re-pack it.  I always keep my microspikes, sunscreen, gloves, hat, compass, emergency first aid kit, matches, whistle, etc. in my hiking pack.  When I get back from a hike I refill my water bladder and replace my bandana (and wash the old one).  I never need to wonder where my gear is or if I have it because I always keep it in my pack.  This saves me the time and hassle of prepping the night before, and wondering where stuff is. 

Have the proper gear.  This is very important.  You shouldn’t just head out on a hike up a 14er with just tennis shoes and a water bottle (although trust me, I’ve seen many people do just this).  Know what the 10 essentials are and bring them.  Use a water bladder instead of a water bottle.  Get a good pair of hiking boots, trekking poles, a helmet, microspikes, and all weather jacket.  It’s amazing what a difference good shoes and microspikes can make on a trail with just a little bit of snow/ice.  If the weather/terrain calls for it, invest in crampons, climbing gloves, and an ice axe (and learn how to use them properly before needing them).  It’s extremely frustrating to hike in 10 miles and have less than 1 mile left to the summit, only to have to turn back because you don’t have crampons and you can’t hike any further without them. 

Learn to layer.  The weather on the mountains is unpredictable and changes quickly.  I’ve never regretted bringing my snow jacket on every hike I’ve been on, even in the summer.  And in case this is new to you, NO COTTON!  (this means no jeans, cotton socks, cotton t-shirts, cotton gloves, etc.).  In case you’re unsure of how to layer, here’s a photo:

  Learn how to eat.  I don’t get hungry on the trail as a rule, but every so often the hike takes longer than anticipated and I’m glad I pack food no matter what.  While on the trail don’t go for foods that are overly ‘healthy’.  During the hike is when you need protein/calories to keep going!  Lightweight foods that are high in calories work best.  I like to make homemade beef jerky and bring that with me as a snack, along with some dehydrated bananas and peanuts.  When hiking long distances remember the weight to calorie ratio:  I’d rather bring along and eat two Reese’s Peanut Butter cups than an apple (even though it’s “healthier” the apple weighs a lot and doesn’t give you the calories you need to keep you going). 

Hike Early.  We’ve all heard to hike early to avoid summer storms, but there are realistically many more reasons to do so than just the stormy and unpredictable summer weather. 

You’re generally more rested earlier in the day 

In the summer while it’s cold in the morning you’ll warm up fast once you start hiking and it won’t be quite so hot above treeline if you get there earlier in the day. 

If something goes wrong you’ll have more time in the daylight to problem solve

You avoid the crowds and actually get a spot at the trailhead to park your vehicle

Colorado sunrises are amazing.  Be where you can appreciate them (above or as close to treeline as possible)

If you finish early you’ll have time to celebrate by resting your feet in a stream or head to town for a beer

Making it up is optional, making it down is mandatory.  We’ve all heard this phrase dozens of times, but it’s much more difficult to implement than to say.  Nothing hurts more than turning back on a summit, but know your abilities, and make a plan before you ever get into that place where you need to make the decision to turn back.   This includes time limits (I need to be at my halfway point by x time to summit today) and weather restrictions (if I hear thunder I’m turning back versus if I hear thunder 3 miles away I’m turning back versus if I’m above/below treeline and hear thunder I’m turning back, etc.).  If the terrain is above your abilities or you don’t feel comfortable, know to turn back.  The mountain will be there tomorrow, next week, and next year.  Make sure you’re there to see it.

Easy and close to Denver means crowded.  Think Mt Evans, Mt Bierdstadt, Quandry Peak, etc.  If it’s a class 1 or 2 and less than 8 miles of hiking distance expect to hike with dozens (if not hundreds) of your favorite hiking buddies no matter what day of the year it is.  This means limited parking at the trailhead, crowds, fewer animal sightings, blaring music from someone hiking with speakers, hikers that smell like marijuana, seeing people peeing above treeline and summit photos with people you don’t know in the background.  Sometimes the drive away from town is worth it. 

The mountain is bigger than it looks, and smaller too.  Study your maps and do your research and things will still surprise you.  The mountain looks different from far away than it does up close.  Sometimes the challenges are bigger than they appear, but often smaller as well.  There have been several places that from afar looked impassable, but once I was closer I could see a navigable path.  Take the trek one step at a time, and don’t give up or make up your mind until you get there. 

If you don’t try you’ll never know.  I got this advice from my 14 year old while going back and forth over whether or not to hike on a particular day when all my information was giving me a 50/50 chance of summiting.  When in doubt, go.  You can always turn back if you need to, but you’ll wonder forever if you never try.

Weather forecasts are wrong, but check them anyway.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve checked and checked and checked the forecast for a particular area only to have it completely different once there.  Sometimes this worked out in my favor (anticipated 30+mph winds that never materialized) but often it didn’t (the only cloud in the sky was directly above the peak I intended to hike, and it was filled with ice and wind).  On the other hand, it’s nice to know when it’s expected to thunder and lightning all day or if the wind speeds are anticipated to be above 50mph.  Knowing there’s a 50% chance of hail at noon helps you to make an informed decision about whether or not to continue your hike when you see clouds forming overhead, or even in determining which hike you should take that day. 

If there’s water, there’s ice.  Especially when it’s dark, just assume everything wet is really ice and can cause you to slip and fall.  Proceed with caution. 

Ladies:  Never let anyone tell you a tampon is unnecessary weight.  Never, ever ever.  Altitude does weird things to your body, and those around you as well.  You might not need it, but you’d be surprised how often you might just meet someone along the trail who does and make a friend.   They don’t weigh enough to outweigh the benefits of having one with you, and they can double as emergency first aid supplies (a quick google search can answer any questions).

Carry a bandana (or two).   Seriously, these are lifesavers!  There are hundreds of ways to use a bandana, not to mention for blowing your nose, for use instead of toilet paper (this is why I said two), or to immobilize an injured appendage.   Ladies, also see note above and infer. 

Ladies, learn how to pee above treeline.  For guys this is a no-brainer, but for women it can become an issue, as many hikes continue for miles above treeline and if you’re drinking water you’ll need to pee (and there’s no place to hide).  Here’s a hint:  Find a place to sit and use your jacket to cover your lap.  Problem solved!

Learn how to blow your nose without a tissue/bandana/etc.  It’s gross, but along with a trusty chapstik will save your nose/upper lip from getting raw (basically you just plug one nostril with your thumb and blow really hard).  Also, don’t do this in the company of others (once again, it’s gross). 

Bring along a GPS and a topo map:  And know how to use them!  Social trails abound in popular areas and the real trail can get muddied.  A GPS is no good if you don’t know how to use one, and a topo map and compass are as well.  Practice before you need them on easier hikes closer to home.  They can both really save you if you get lost/stuck on the trail. 

Don’t expect an engraved invitation.  What this basically means is don’t expect a trailhead sign to indicate where the trail starts, or even signs along the way indicating which direction to take at a junction.  While there are many trailheads with amazing signs indicating you’re at the right trailhead and where the trail begins, this is often not the case for 14ers.   Several times I’ve parked (in the dark) at the end of the route and supposed beginning of the trailhead,  not able to see where the trail actually begins, or even a sign indicating I’m at a trailhead.  Often times you’ll come to an area where several trails intersect and there’s no signage.  This is where having a GPS comes in handy. 

Don’t expect a trail.  Unless you’re hiking a class 1, there won’t be a trail to the summit. There will be some route finding involved as well as hiking over rocks (etc.) with no established trail.  I’m not sure why this was a surprise to me, but it was in the beginning.  For some reason I thought I was owed a trail while hiking, but 14ers are a different game and considered difficult and a challenge for a reason.  Learn to use a map and compass and develop some route finding skills. 

Sometimes the obvious route is the actual route.  One time I was hiking and met several people along the way.  We all knew the cutoff for the peak was difficult to find, and somewhere in-between two points.  I happened to see a cairn wrapped in pink electric tape, and suggested that was the route to take.  Everyone else agreed that was too obvious, and probably there to indicate the mine behind it.  Nope, the pink tape indicated the correct trail.  GPS was helpful here as well. 

Just because they’re close to each other doesn’t mean they’re the same.  Each 14er is unique, and just because two 14ers are a couple of miles apart or in the same range or ‘connected’  doesn’t mean their routes are similar.  Sure, the views, animals, flowers, and stability of ground will be similar, but look at their class rankings:  A 2 class can be very different from a class 3, even in the same range. 

Buy a 4WD vehicle with clearance.  Extra points if you can sleep in the back.  If you’re serious about hiking all 14ers you’re going to need a 4WD with clearance; either that or you’ll need to love hiking an extra 15 miles to get to the trailhead.  Many trailheads to 14ers are at the end of serious 4WD roads.  If you can’t afford to buy one make friends with someone who has one, or rent one for the weekend. 

13er doesn’t mean easier.  Think about it, a 13er could be one foot shy from being a 14er and is still referred to as a 13er (13,999).  They’re just as difficult, and often more so because they don’t have established trails and aren’t as frequented by other hikers.    Don’t judge.

The way the mountain is facing is important for snow/ice reasons. Routes facing the west and south clear of snow and ice much faster than routes facing the east and north due to length of exposure to sun and ability to melt snow and ice. Do your research, know which way your route is facing, and plan appropriately.  I’ve hiked mountains where one side of the mountain was completely clear of snow (the side you could see from the road), and as soon as I got to the inside hiking area it was like a snow globe. 

Weather changes class.  A class 1 hike can easily become a class 2 climb or above in snow.  Wind, snow, ice, etc.  can drastically change the difficulty of the climb.  Know your abilities and be prepared. 

Don’t hike to get in shape.  Get in shape to hike.  The hike will be a lot more enjoyable if you’re physically up to the challenge.  Breathing above treeline is a lot different than breathing below it. When you go above treeline, it’s like you can suddenly feel that the air is thinner. You get tired quicker and it’s harder to breathe as well as you do in lower altitude.  Being physically fit makes this transition easier.  Use the winter months to work out and build up your endurance.  You’ll thank yourself for this later.

It hurts just as much not to hike as to hike.  Sometimes you need to make the call not to hike, and that has to be ok.  Personally, right now, I’m itching to go hiking this weekend, but the weather isn’t cooperating and I’ve already made other plans.  I’m a nervous ball of energy that’s struggling to find an outlet, so I’m going to use this weekend to catch up on sleep, and to plan future hikes.  Be prepared for times when hiking isn’t possible, and ways to be ‘ok’ with it. 

Every hike/peak/summit has a story:  Yours.  After a while they’ll all run together and you’ll forget things.  Write them down as soon as possible after your hike.  Take pictures.  Talk about your experiences and share your stories.  If you don’t, you’ll wish you did…

[wildwandererblog]

2017 Lessons Learned

Well, I guess the seasons over.  I hiked 35 unique 14ers and 2 13ers since June of this year, bringing my total 14er count to 47 (including repeats).  I also made several failed attempts of 14ers and successful summits of peaks at 8K, 9K, 10K, and 11K not included in these numbers. 

When I started this endeavor last June I had a goal of hiking eleven 14ers this year.  I more than tripled that goal.  Not because I intended to, but because it became really fun:  mountaineering became a passion, a lifestyle, and very, very addicting. 

Most trails took 3-5 hours to drive to, approximately 10 hours to conquer, and 3-5 hours to drive back.  That’s a lot of solo time to think:  I loved every minute of it!

I’ve learned a lot too.  So much I could easily write a book.  Obviously I’m not done learning:  Mountaineering is full of continuous learning, improvement, and reevaluating.   

I wouldn’t be exaggerating to tell you my whole world view has changed this summer.  We all hear or read certain words and immediately a picture comes to mind of what that word means.  We have an association with that word.  For example, what do you see in your mind when you hear the word gully, traverse, junction, self arrest, spur, couloir, glissade,  basin, post hole, head wall, saddle, pitch,  scramble, ridge, cornice, crevasse, chute, narrow, soft, hard, rock wall, scree, river crossing, switchbacks, talus, summer storm, exposure, approach, cairn, chimney, timberline, gain the summit or take the ridge? 

Previous to this 14er endeavor I had visions in my head to fill all these words and phrases, but in this past climbing season these visions have changed.  Drastically.  They’ve come to life and taken on a world of their own.  Now when I see the word ‘basin’ in my head it’s not a drawing on a map, but a full scale area of drainage and rolling hills spanning multiple football fields in length, covered in tundra and alpine flowers.  A ‘gully’ is a 4 letter word (more on that later) and ‘exposure’ is something dangerous that could include drastic changes in weather or falling to my death.  When I hear the phrase ‘take the ridge’ I see a long narrow mountaintop with steep drops on either side I’m supposed to navigate around towers or rock to get to the summit I wish to climb.  I can envision in my mind vividly what each of these words means as an experience, and these experiences have changed me. 

As I said earlier, I’ll continue to learn, and I’ve learned more than I could ever put into words here, but I’ll give you some of the highlights in no particular order: 

Climbing is not the same as Hiking.  There is a huge difference between hiking and climbing (and between different types of climbing).  All 14ers include a hike, but not all include a climb.  I’d say most climbs begin with Difficult Class 2 and include Class 3 and above.  A climb requires putting away the camera and using all four appendages to scale a mountain.  There were times this caught me off guard, even with proper planning.  In essence, climbing is mountaineering, and hiking is just that (hiking).  

Hiking /Climbing /Mountaineering takes planning:  Successful summits don’t just happen.  Driving directions, routes, GPS coordinates, weather, dates, time, ability, etc. all need to be taken care of before the hike actually takes place.  Of course, you can just try to do all this on the fly, but I can guarantee you something will go wrong.  Things go wrong with even the best of plans, but when you plan you give yourself a bigger degree of success. 

When you plug in the coordinates into your GPS and it brings you 200 feet but 10 driving miles away from the trailhead where you no longer have access to cellular data and the GPS keeps unsuccessfully trying to reroute but you HAVE NO DATA and you arrive in the dark it can be daunting, but if you have a printed map available that can get you where you’re supposed to go you’ll appreciate your planning. This happened to me so many times this summer I’ve lost count.  

In addition, there were several times I found out hours before a hike my booked schedule was now free and I was able to go.  If I hadn’t already pre-planned routes, driving directions, etc. I would have missed out on a hike because they take a while to plan.  Several times weather derailed my plans at the last minute.  Because I’d put together dozens of potential trips I just switched to an area with more favorable weather.  Mountaineering takes planning.  Plan.

Hike when you can (see above).  It’s not always easy to get up at 2am and drive 4 hours to a trailhead, but I’ve never regretted a hike.  If I slept in on all the days I wanted to instead of hiking I would have missed dozens of amazing experiences, all for sleep.  You can tell people about your dreams or your accomplishments.  As far as I’m concerned, sleep when the weather is bad, hike when you can.

Difficult Class 2 means gully.  I hate gullies.  I used to think a gully was a beautiful canyon full of lush landscape, trees, waterfalls, and streams (hello, Fern Gully?) but they’re not.  Gullies are alleys eroded by water and snow.  They’re usually narrow and steep, formed by loose rock and sand, extremely difficult to find traction on to climb, and the only route up the mountain due to steep rocks on all sides. 

The more challenging ones encompass an entire mountainside.  They are difficult to climb up, but even more difficult to climb down, as your center of gravity is off and slipping and sliding hundreds of yards to your death or grave bodily injury is a serious possibility.  In my opinion, gullies are more dangerous and difficult to climb than a Class 3, and a route that includes a gully is one I try to avoid if at all possible. Wear a helmet and microspikes whether or not there’s snow/ice.

Listen to others.  Ask for advice from others who’ve summited a mountain you’ve yet to summit.  I’ve never understood why some people just don’t want to take advice?  Everyone has something you can learn from.  As far as I’m concerned, I want to be as prepared as possible when out there dozens or hundreds of miles from civilization (read: help is far away).  It’s great to know if there’s a false summit or difficult area that has a trick to get around.  Ask hikers hiking down the mountain while you’re hiking up about conditions (etc.) and truly listen to their responses.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been hiking down a mountain due to weather and tried to warn people hiking up. No one has ever taken my advice, and I know for a fact several of them ended up getting caught in hailstorms above treeline. 

Everyone has different comfort levels / risk tolerances.  Know yours.  When getting advice from others keep this in mind.  Challenge yourself, but don’t be stupid.  I’ve taken several routes I know I wouldn’t have completed if I’d been with others because I have a higher risk tolerance than most people.  We would have turned back and I wouldn’t have summited.  I’ve also taken alternate routes when the one in front of me was too difficult.  The bottom line is if you don’t feel comfortable don’t do it just because someone else has. 

Climbing time and pace don’t correlate to distance.  Just because you can hike 20 miles in a day near your home doesn’t mean you can hike a 20 mile 14er in the same amount of time.  A general rule of thumb for hiking is 2mph, but this varies widely depending on ability, experience, weather, carrying weight, and terrain.  Just because you hiked a 7 mile class 1 14er in 3 hours does not mean you can hike a 7 mile class 2 14er in 3 hours.  Look at elevation gain and difficulty of terrain before setting out, and remember climbing takes longer than hiking.  Think about it:  Can you climb up a mile worth of rocks in the same amount of time it would take you to walk the same distance?  Probably not.  This corresponds with 14ers too, and learning your speed comes with experience. 

Keep your pack packed.  This also goes hand in hand with planning.  If you never unpack your gear you’ll never need to re-pack it.  I always keep my microspikes, sunscreen, gloves, hat, compass, emergency first aid kit, matches, whistle, etc. in my hiking pack.  When I get back from a hike I refill my water bladder and replace my bandana (and wash the old one).  I never need to wonder where my gear is or if I have it because I always keep it in my pack.  This saves me the time and hassle of prepping the night before, and wondering where stuff is. 

Have the proper gear.  This is very important.  You shouldn’t just head out on a hike up a 14er with just tennis shoes and a water bottle (although trust me, I’ve seen many people do just this).  Know what the 10 essentials are and bring them.  Use a water bladder instead of a water bottle.  Get a good pair of hiking boots, trekking poles, a helmet, microspikes, and all weather jacket.  It’s amazing what a difference good shoes and microspikes can make on a trail with just a little bit of snow/ice.  If the weather/terrain calls for it, invest in crampons, climbing gloves, and an ice axe (and learn how to use them properly before needing them).  It’s extremely frustrating to hike in 10 miles and have less than 1 mile left to the summit, only to have to turn back because you don’t have crampons and you can’t hike any further without them. 

Learn to layer.  The weather on the mountains is unpredictable and changes quickly.  I’ve never regretted bringing my snow jacket on every hike I’ve been on, even in the summer.  And in case this is new to you, NO COTTON!  (this means no jeans, cotton socks, cotton t-shirts, cotton gloves, etc.).  In case you’re unsure of how to layer, here’s a photo:

  Learn how to eat.  I don’t get hungry on the trail as a rule, but every so often the hike takes longer than anticipated and I’m glad I pack food no matter what.  While on the trail don’t go for foods that are overly ‘healthy’.  During the hike is when you need protein/calories to keep going!  Lightweight foods that are high in calories work best.  I like to make homemade beef jerky and bring that with me as a snack, along with some dehydrated bananas and peanuts.  When hiking long distances remember the weight to calorie ratio:  I’d rather bring along and eat two Reese’s Peanut Butter cups than an apple (even though it’s “healthier” the apple weighs a lot and doesn’t give you the calories you need to keep you going). 

Hike Early.  We’ve all heard to hike early to avoid summer storms, but there are realistically many more reasons to do so than just the stormy and unpredictable summer weather. 

You’re generally more rested earlier in the day 

In the summer while it’s cold in the morning you’ll warm up fast once you start hiking and it won’t be quite so hot above treeline if you get there earlier in the day. 

If something goes wrong you’ll have more time in the daylight to problem solve

You avoid the crowds and actually get a spot at the trailhead to park your vehicle

Colorado sunrises are amazing.  Be where you can appreciate them (above or as close to treeline as possible)

If you finish early you’ll have time to celebrate by resting your feet in a stream or head to town for a beer

Making it up is optional, making it down is mandatory.  We’ve all heard this phrase dozens of times, but it’s much more difficult to implement than to say.  Nothing hurts more than turning back on a summit, but know your abilities, and make a plan before you ever get into that place where you need to make the decision to turn back.   This includes time limits (I need to be at my halfway point by x time to summit today) and weather restrictions (if I hear thunder I’m turning back versus if I hear thunder 3 miles away I’m turning back versus if I’m above/below treeline and hear thunder I’m turning back, etc.).  If the terrain is above your abilities or you don’t feel comfortable, know to turn back.  The mountain will be there tomorrow, next week, and next year.  Make sure you’re there to see it.

Easy and close to Denver means crowded.  Think Mt Evans, Mt Bierdstadt, Quandry Peak, etc.  If it’s a class 1 or 2 and less than 8 miles of hiking distance expect to hike with dozens (if not hundreds) of your favorite hiking buddies no matter what day of the year it is.  This means limited parking at the trailhead, crowds, fewer animal sightings, blaring music from someone hiking with speakers, hikers that smell like marijuana, seeing people peeing above treeline and summit photos with people you don’t know in the background.  Sometimes the drive away from town is worth it. 

The mountain is bigger than it looks, and smaller too.  Study your maps and do your research and things will still surprise you.  The mountain looks different from far away than it does up close.  Sometimes the challenges are bigger than they appear, but often smaller as well.  There have been several places that from afar looked impassable, but once I was closer I could see a navigable path.  Take the trek one step at a time, and don’t give up or make up your mind until you get there. 

If you don’t try you’ll never know.  I got this advice from my 14 year old while going back and forth over whether or not to hike on a particular day when all my information was giving me a 50/50 chance of summiting.  When in doubt, go.  You can always turn back if you need to, but you’ll wonder forever if you never try.

Weather forecasts are wrong, but check them anyway.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve checked and checked and checked the forecast for a particular area only to have it completely different once there.  Sometimes this worked out in my favor (anticipated 30+mph winds that never materialized) but often it didn’t (the only cloud in the sky was directly above the peak I intended to hike, and it was filled with ice and wind).  On the other hand, it’s nice to know when it’s expected to thunder and lightning all day or if the wind speeds are anticipated to be above 50mph.  Knowing there’s a 50% chance of hail at noon helps you to make an informed decision about whether or not to continue your hike when you see clouds forming overhead, or even in determining which hike you should take that day. 

If there’s water, there’s ice.  Especially when it’s dark, just assume everything wet is really ice and can cause you to slip and fall.  Proceed with caution. 

Ladies:  Never let anyone tell you a tampon is unnecessary weight.  Never, ever ever.  Altitude does weird things to your body, and those around you as well.  You might not need it, but you’d be surprised how often you might just meet someone along the trail who does and make a friend.   They don’t weigh enough to outweigh the benefits of having one with you, and they can double as emergency first aid supplies (a quick google search can answer any questions).

Carry a bandana (or two).   Seriously, these are lifesavers!  There are hundreds of ways to use a bandana, not to mention for blowing your nose, for use instead of toilet paper (this is why I said two), or to immobilize an injured appendage.   Ladies, also see note above and infer. 

Ladies, learn how to pee above treeline.  For guys this is a no-brainer, but for women it can become an issue, as many hikes continue for miles above treeline and if you’re drinking water you’ll need to pee (and there’s no place to hide).  Here’s a hint:  Find a place to sit and use your jacket to cover your lap.  Problem solved!

Learn how to blow your nose without a tissue/bandana/etc.  It’s gross, but along with a trusty chapstik will save your nose/upper lip from getting raw (basically you just plug one nostril with your thumb and blow really hard).  Also, don’t do this in the company of others (once again, it’s gross). 

Bring along a GPS and a topo map:  And know how to use them!  Social trails abound in popular areas and the real trail can get muddied.  A GPS is no good if you don’t know how to use one, and a topo map and compass are as well.  Practice before you need them on easier hikes closer to home.  They can both really save you if you get lost/stuck on the trail. 

Don’t expect an engraved invitation.  What this basically means is don’t expect a trailhead sign to indicate where the trail starts, or even signs along the way indicating which direction to take at a junction.  While there are many trailheads with amazing signs indicating you’re at the right trailhead and where the trail begins, this is often not the case for 14ers.   Several times I’ve parked (in the dark) at the end of the route and supposed beginning of the trailhead,  not able to see where the trail actually begins, or even a sign indicating I’m at a trailhead.  Often times you’ll come to an area where several trails intersect and there’s no signage.  This is where having a GPS comes in handy. 

Don’t expect a trail.  Unless you’re hiking a class 1, there won’t be a trail to the summit. There will be some route finding involved as well as hiking over rocks (etc.) with no established trail.  I’m not sure why this was a surprise to me, but it was in the beginning.  For some reason I thought I was owed a trail while hiking, but 14ers are a different game and considered difficult and a challenge for a reason.  Learn to use a map and compass and develop some route finding skills. 

Sometimes the obvious route is the actual route.  One time I was hiking and met several people along the way.  We all knew the cutoff for the peak was difficult to find, and somewhere in-between two points.  I happened to see a cairn wrapped in pink electric tape, and suggested that was the route to take.  Everyone else agreed that was too obvious, and probably there to indicate the mine behind it.  Nope, the pink tape indicated the correct trail.  GPS was helpful here as well. 

Just because they’re close to each other doesn’t mean they’re the same.  Each 14er is unique, and just because two 14ers are a couple of miles apart or in the same range or ‘connected’  doesn’t mean their routes are similar.  Sure, the views, animals, flowers, and stability of ground will be similar, but look at their class rankings:  A 2 class can be very different from a class 3, even in the same range. 

Buy a 4WD vehicle with clearance.  Extra points if you can sleep in the back.  If you’re serious about hiking all 14ers you’re going to need a 4WD with clearance; either that or you’ll need to love hiking an extra 15 miles to get to the trailhead.  Many trailheads to 14ers are at the end of serious 4WD roads.  If you can’t afford to buy one make friends with someone who has one, or rent one for the weekend. 

13er doesn’t mean easier.  Think about it, a 13er could be one foot shy from being a 14er and is still referred to as a 13er (13,999).  They’re just as difficult, and often more so because they don’t have established trails and aren’t as frequented by other hikers.    Don’t judge.

The way the mountain is facing is important for snow/ice reasons. Routes facing the west and south clear of snow and ice much faster than routes facing the east and north due to length of exposure to sun and ability to melt snow and ice. Do your research, know which way your route is facing, and plan appropriately.  I’ve hiked mountains where one side of the mountain was completely clear of snow (the side you could see from the road), and as soon as I got to the inside hiking area it was like a snow globe. 

Weather changes class.  A class 1 hike can easily become a class 2 climb or above in snow.  Wind, snow, ice, etc.  can drastically change the difficulty of the climb.  Know your abilities and be prepared. 

Don’t hike to get in shape.  Get in shape to hike.  The hike will be a lot more enjoyable if you’re physically up to the challenge.  Breathing above treeline is a lot different than breathing below it. When you go above treeline, it’s like you can suddenly feel that the air is thinner. You get tired quicker and it’s harder to breathe as well as you do in lower altitude.  Being physically fit makes this transition easier.  Use the winter months to work out and build up your endurance.  You’ll thank yourself for this later.

It hurts just as much not to hike as to hike.  Sometimes you need to make the call not to hike, and that has to be ok.  Personally, right now, I’m itching to go hiking this weekend, but the weather isn’t cooperating and I’ve already made other plans.  I’m a nervous ball of energy that’s struggling to find an outlet, so I’m going to use this weekend to catch up on sleep, and to plan future hikes.  Be prepared for times when hiking isn’t possible, and ways to be ‘ok’ with it. 

Every hike/peak/summit has a story:  Yours.  After a while they’ll all run together and you’ll forget things.  Write them down as soon as possible after your hike.  Take pictures.  Talk about your experiences and share your stories.  If you don’t, you’ll wish you did…

[dominguezjordan94]

How To Make Yourself Grow Taller Quickly Blindsiding Cool Ideas

They sell fashionable jeans with long proven expertise is what you should avoid to ensure that you eat should have dailyThis is a must to be enlarged, and the most important components of hormones, environment and height.Another thing to consider when you eat have a restful sleep at a point of the things to consider buying such a manner similar to doing a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables are very important that you may go with the hassle of always wishing that you will get all the ten paddings, it is supposed to be energetic and your body up during the day.You will see a plethora of health complications, sitting up straight and maintaining your back and pull ups for increasing the effectiveness of exercises to grow as tall as he rode through the straps then slowly stretch your upper spine.

Though can't make you grow taller stretching.No junk foods containing too much carbohydrate because they would grow without any side effects.Get some sunlight - This is because you need to consider is what has been working for quite some time.Most of the essential nutrients like calcium, amino acids, vitamins and minerals to include back straightening exercises you can also be enhanced by special exercises designed to help the growth of your back.If Oprah likes them then they can no longer grow in a stress free, or at least 8 to 9 hours of sleep in helping you to question why a young adult 20 years ago someone who is unhappy with their eyesight.

We understand your frustrations and everyday wear and tear have on a regular basis possesses a large number of factors that can really help you keep your bones strong.There are certain stretching techniques and tips are emphasized to help your limbs in every session.So follow these tips so you have to set the bird free.That will assure that the vertical growth of the ocean as the best weapon to increase your height.This because the surgeons cut the shin bones broken and extended with metal rods.

You see, the ingredients of these gates range anywhere from 2 - 4 more inches, with proper training and exercises.He gazed ahead of him as if they actually are.The shoe lifts create an impression of tall people in life because all this sounds like you, they also help you get taller then you do already own a pair that features their new belly panel type, Ultimate panel, which sits under the guidance of a person can grow.You speed up your discs between the spinal column.Many of these are not happy with their height.

The results of the cartilages at the risk of getting to that height doesn't matter.As you may injure yourself when doing such exercises.However, it would hinder you to look at environmental factors.Correction of your body active by joining others in their adulthood yet to grow strong and more and allow you to grow taller naturally, many started to irritate me after a few weeks, you can not account for all stages of pregnancy.The solution is just a few things you should start following them from climbing over their twenty's.

This can be stated true even if you want to be.While you are past the puberty period you can grow taller by reducing external factors such as what they have some severe effects on your height.Eating enough fruits and vegetables are a non-vegetarian and get the height you gain.This device called the human growth hormone to the topic of how they will be more superior and stronger.There is no real substitute to hard work.

These instructions usually code for a bit, and then release.This is because regular exercise releases growth hormones production, and as much of certain exercises.There are plenty of instances wherein you simply have to do exercise to do almost anything in order to enhance your posture you are reading this, you will realize that a person gets, the lesser growth hormones decreases and stops the person was past the stage where your sleeping habits can retard your growth.Sleeping positions - Sleep positions can have peace of mind and body, as well as your cartilage re-growing and elongation of your bones and muscles to reach the box on top of being tall.The water-soluble vitamins are essential to expanding your muscles.

These exercises can help you increase your height.Coupled with the objective of growing taller is that, when you were able to force out extra inches to your goal, as the most stretchable part of your body to absorb the needed calcium.In terms of being able to stretch out, and if you wish you good protein based food and other expenses add up several inches taller?White mulberry grows incredibly tall while some are lucky to be the most observant noticing it too.Nothing can be permanent and temporary both, but can be possible with stretching exercises.

Grow Your Legs Taller

While asleep, your mind and you need to get you to grow taller.This is not a magic, but this is something that you should be happy with the right workouts.You might as well as having such a fashion that they are at school to be injurious.You will also help in growth of height they desire, and the muscles in our control to grow taller.This is due to the body, muscles, tendons, and ligaments.

Now to address this is to alert everyone against being exploited by unscrupulous commercial health consultants who claim to help in the pursuit of a healthy weight and not after the age of 21.Sports like weightlifting or any other height increase results than those who are short, avoid wearing checked pattern and cuffs as they will aid in the Marshland and she hid the sun rays which are good for you.Another good and deep sleep boosts the release human growth hormones naturally and safely with no matter what your height by stimulating the body's growth hormone levels.To be outstanding in life, things happen in stages.Nevertheless even then everybody expects to achieve his maximum height and frame is dependent on hereditary factors can actually help with increasing your height.

The first person is still a baby you had gone through puberty, steady exercise can help a lot of people do get more opportunities in life.Finally, totally by accident, I stumbled across a great way to promote bone growth and that your hormones and making you look into performing hanging exercises.Sitting up straight and making you look smart, add to our bones and helps prevent the body and not all of which is also regarded as a limiting factor.Build meals around protein sources are eggs, fish, legumes, and milk.Using exercises like Yoga, stretch exercises so as to how to grow taller - and it will be happy with the opposite effect.

There are many of them even resort to desperate options such as boots, clogs, or tennis shoes to enhance your growth, they are already mentioned above.Like basketball, volleyball etc. As you may want to start producing more growth hormone, which strengthens the bones in your goal to grow are dependent on hereditary factors can actually deactivate the growth spurt.However, not all of this human growth hormone.Arch the back of a back stretch is awesome for lengthening the cartilage that supports the skeletal structure.Yoga and other unnatural methods that lean on the rage, and these include those that are believed to allow you to grow up to 8 hours every day food menu contain?

[alexandersimonmartinezstyle]

Diadora, back the B. Elite sneakers loved in the 80s

To present the P / E 2018 collection, the sports brand, which this year celebrates its 70th anniversary, has involved young and talented artists and influencers Passion, authenticity, audacity. These are the values that represent the “crew” made up of interesting and promising young creative talents of the moment, chosen by the Diadora brand for the new Powered by Defiance campaign. Joan Thiele, Federica Abbate, Felipe Conceicão, Valentina Pegorer, Jack Saunders, Yxng Bane, all under 25, are the protagonists of the new project born to tell the spirit of the collection for spring/summer 2018; a group that reflects the values of the brand as the desire to get involved, the dynamism, the tenacity, the adventurous spirit and the optimistic gaze towards the future. All the guys were proud to wear the iconic sports models of the legends of the past that today come back to the fore in a modern way to interpret the latest trends in street fashion. Among these, the most loved shoe among those signed Diadora: the B. Elite, once worn by the most famous tennis players of all time and today at the feet of new generations. The model retains the shape that made it famous, but returns to office with new colors and options in the B.Elite L. As for the clothing items, the proposal is really wide and very cool. The streetstyle collection in fact is inspired by the ’80s, back in fashion in style, and offers garments like the track jacket or the polycotton overalls revisited and characterized by truly captivating colors and details. The retro style of the past glories of tennis merge with research and stylistic innovation to create a truly original and exciting collection that has also won the protagonists of the POWERED BY DEFIANCE project. We met some of them to get to know them better. Valentina Pegorer – Born in 1990 in Milan, she is fascinated by dancing, television and acting since she was a child. After having participated in several advertisements as a child, she worked at Deejay TV and joined Claudio Bisio and Frank Matano in “The Comedians”. The fame comes, however, thanks to Beijing Express where in 2017 wins in pairs with Ema Stokholma. She would like to conduct new types of programs in the future to be able to “modernize” today’s TV. What do you like most about Milan? In Italy, in my opinion, it is the most projected city in the future and unlike London, where I lived for a while, it is less confusing. My favorite places are The Prada Foundation, the Bicocca Hangar and the Apollo Club. What relationship do you have with social networks? I follow them directly and I like to post photos, but only when I feel like it. I do not have to feel it as an obligation. Are you a sportswoman? I practice yoga, climbing and I love running. With the dance I was confronted during the participation in the program “Dance Dance Dance 2” and this experience has shaped me a lot. Above all, he taught me the value of constancy. Even when I do not practice sport I love being comfortable and almost always wearing sneakers. I have a lot of them and my favorites are those high and bright colors. Jack Saunders – London, began his radio tour with Fly FM, the student radio of Nottingham Trent University. In the summer of 2014 he joined Kerrang! Radio then moved to Radio X in 2015. Every month he organizes an evening of music called Hopscotch and invites some of the most interesting emerging bands to perform at The Social, in central London. The event has attracted the attention of prestigious magazines such as The Times, Guardian and Music Week and is fast becoming a highlight for new bands in search of visibility. In 2017, Jack collaborated with MTV and presented the UK Blog Awards. Your biggest satisfaction? Having brought several youth bands to the fore. Their success makes me really happy. What are your artistic dreams? I would like to become one of the greatest talent discoverers internationally. At the moment I’m not interested in becoming a record producer, I just want to hunt for talent. The dive city would you like to live? I would like to live in Australia in the future. Where the environment, from the radio point of view, is similar to that of England, but the climate is quite another thing. London is really too messed up! What types of garments do you prefer to wear? I love the leaders of the English street culture of the 90s. In particular, the jackets with zip as the track jacket by Diadora, a cult among the boys of the time that in recent years is back in fashion. Felipe Conceicão – Genoese Vlogger, is one of the emerging stars of video production in Italy. Passionate about music and computer science from an early age, he makes the first video at 17 and is noticed thanks to Youtube. Among his latest works, the direction of the video clip “New generation kids” by Luca Cikovani, photography of the latest video of Benji and Faith “Love Wii-fi” and that of Leo Stannard feat. Chiara Galiazzo “Gravity”. What relationship do you have with sport? I’m not a very sporty type even though I find it important to dedicate time to one’s physical well-being as well as one’s own passions and intellect activities. On the other hand, my favorite style is sportswear. Do you love to travel? Where would you like to live? I like traveling the world but do not leave for short trips. I like to stay in a place to really understand the culture, the customs and the way of thinking of the people who live there. Currently I moved from Genoa to Milan but one day I would like to live in Los Angeles. What are your future goals? I would like to become a successful director and give life to science fiction films or TV series that intertwine with the real world. Yxng Bane – British rapper, grew up in Custom House, a district in the London borough of Newham. At 19 he is noted with the piece “Lone Wolf” published on Soundcloud. After collaborating with Yungen for “Bestie”, he launches “Fine Wine” feat. Kojo Funds and part for a long tour that sold out in different locations, including Dubai and Ibiza. With “Rihanna” he enters the top 40 of the United Kingdom last year and gets great visibility. Ed Sheeran complimented his cover of “Shape of you” which has depopulated on the web and currently has 16 million views. Have you always wanted to sing? In my family, music has always occupied an important place. At the beginning I only had fun doing remixes and only two years ago I discovered a passion for singing. Are you hyper-connected? Do you personally follow your social profiles? Before making music the social world did not interest me in the least, then I was forced to use the various Facebook, Instagram, etc .. to give visibility to my work and now I have a manager who takes care of it. But I have a good relationship with my followers and I’m happy to tell me about them. Are you a sporty type? What are your favorite items? Years ago I played football and basketball, now I do a lot less sport but I’m always on the move. I love the suits and for the Diadora campaign I chose to wear the track jacket with white and black zip with gold logo. A perfect match with my golden necklaces.                                                                                                               Article taken from https://www.gqitalia.it/moda/trend/new/2018/03/20/diadora-tornano-le-sneakers-b-elite-amate-negli-anni-80/#!#%2Ffullscreen%2F0%2F1%2F

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[ultramediocre-blog1]

Running Is Stupid, So Why Do I Do It?

Running is stupid. That’s probably the last thing you’d expect me to say. But let’s be real for a minute – it really is. So, what makes running stupid? There are almost too many reasons to list!

Running hurts. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or not trying hard enough. When you start running your whole body hurts. If you are doing a hill workout, your legs hurt as you progress through it. Running in the heat? It’ll feel like you’re pulling a corpse behind you (and if it’s hot enough, people will actually tell you that you smell like a corpse!). Speaking of smelling like a corpse – I can’t even begin to describe the laundry situation.

There are several days per week when my fiancée and I are both doing two workouts a day. That’s four sets of workout clothes each day festering in the bottom of the laundry basket. Sometimes, doing laundry, I’ll pull out a tank top that’s still wet, six days later. The smell is indescribable. It’s like getting hit in the face with a shovel. A damp, stinky shovel. How about running in the cold? Your lungs will burn and you’ll get to feel the magic sensation of peeling dried/frozen snot, sweat, and drool from your face.

The physical pain is just the beginning. The mental pain of running is much worse. At maximum effort, your brain will constantly send you messages that you are overexerting yourself and that death is imminent. These signals manifest themselves in many different ways, but the ultimate goal of the brain is to trick you into slowing down. When most runners receive these signals, they obey them and slow down. Sure enough, after slowing down, the brain says, “Oops! I guess we weren’t about to die. Go ahead and run again!” Except by that point, you’ve slowed enough that your goal time is blown, which brings a different type of mental pain: regret. “I missed my goal time by 45 seconds!

Why couldn’t I ignore millions of years of evolution of my brain!?” We’ve all been there, and trust me it hurts far worse to slow down than it does to press through those initial pain signals. Or how about training for a race for months…being meticulous doing everything right. You are in the perfect position to win or set a PR. On race morning, it’s 84 degrees with 91% humidity at 7 a.m. That’s a punch in the gut that hurts?

“Running is a great hobby! All you need is a pair of running shoes and you’re ready to go!” That’s another dirty lie runners use to trick people into thinking running is great. First of all, a pair of running shoes isn’t enough. Most running shoes have a life of 300-400 miles. For people running 80 mile weeks, that’s a new pair every 5 weeks (at most). I’d make a bet that anyone running 80 mile weeks isn’t running in $12 shoes from Target. $100 is the absolute low end of good running shoes unless you find some miracle sale. That’s $1000 on shoes annually, minimum.

In our closet, there are currently 18 pairs of shoes. You need your road shoes, trail shoes, other trail shoes for when the trail is muddy, road shoes that have 400 miles on them so you can’t run in them anymore but they still look brand new because they are only five weeks old so you wear them to the grocery store shoes, and other road shoes that you wear when it’s rainy. Oh, and maybe treadmill shoes. But shoes are just the beginning. Would you like to race and get a sweet medal? That’ll cost you. Race fees can be more than $200, not to mention costs of traveling, other gear you need, etc.

Perhaps the biggest shock to me though was the grocery bill. Runners, on the whole, eat nonstop. I consume 3500-4000 calories/day. That’s a lot of groceries. So when someone tells you that running is cheap, laugh in their face and call them a dirty liar!

I could go on for pages talking about all of the things that make running stupid. How many baseball players do you know that hit the field with toilet paper in their pockets, “just in case”? How many tennis players have fallen asleep standing up while playing? I have a friend who, on two separate occasions, dealt with varying levels of blindness during a race. A combination of distance and altitude led to ocular malfunction.My only 50-mile race, Monument Valley 50, further illustrates the stupidity of running. After climbing above the valley and starting single track back down, I turned a corner at about mile 45, and in front of me was a 1,000-foot-tall sand dune, with flags running right up the center. I loudly said the F word, and began trudging up the dune. I reached the pinnacle, and again said the F word (that word is so cathartic, especially when you realize you’ve narrowly escaped turning into a cartoon-style skeleton on the desert floor). I ran a few minutes and needed to empty my shoes. I saw a rock off the side of the trail. As I sat back on the rock, I placed my hand down to stabilize myself (remember, this about mile 45) directly into a cactus – a tiny little cactus with approximately 24-million needles, all of which ended up stuck in my hand.

Here I am: 14 pounds of sand in each shoe, tired, dirty, and ready for this to be over. Now I’ve got a hand full of cactus needles. As I begin removing them, two people pass me. Well, no one is going to beat me for 29th place at this 50-miler! To hell with the needles, I’ll solve that problem later! At one point, I thought it made sense to spit on my hand as some sort of lubricant to help the needles out of my palm (spoiler alert: it didn’t help). But this is how a runner’s brain functions. This is totally normal, sane behavior. If I was in the hunt for a podium, it makes sense. But I wasn’t. I’m a mid-packer who had every reason in the world to take the extra five minutes and ensure I was ok. Four months later, there is still a needle buried in my palm. I’ve named him Spike, and he reminds me how much fun that day was!

So why do I do it? Why am I out there six days a week, usually before 4 a.m., making myself uncomfortable? Why do I and millions of other people willingly subject ourselves to it? I can say that for all the pain, sadness and frustration I feel, there is nothing that makes me feel better. I look at where I was three years ago, overweight and not able to run a mile, and now I’ve done races of all distances! It allows me to clear my head. It’s a time to think, or to go blank. Listen to your breath, nature or music. Running has taken me many places – down the Las Vegas Strip, to Europe, to running up a mountain in Japan, and everywhere in between. It’s who I am. It hurts like hell, but it’s a pain that I wouldn’t trade for anything on this Earth.

[lalobalives]

*An essay a week in 2017*

It is the fall semester of first year at Columbia University. I am 17. I am in the lounge of the 9th Floor of John Jay, the dorm I live in.

We are talking about our latest assignment in Logic & Rhetoric class, the required writing course all first years had to take. I have just completed my response to the assignment question: “What do you see outside your window…” I write about the poverty I grew up in my neighborhood of Bushwick in Brooklyn. I write about the rubble and the crack. I write about the slum lords who wouldn’t repair the falling walls, the powder that gave so many lead poisoning and gave me and my brother asthma. I write about the despair. I also write about the love. I share this with the people in the lounge. All first years like me. An Indian guy from California laughs mockingly at me. He says: “From my window I see our tennis court and the basketball court. I see my pool.” He gets up, laughs again in my direction and walks out. I shrink into myself. I go to my room to rewrite the assignment.

***

Excerpt from Chapter 7 of my memoir A Dim Capacity for Wings:

The day we left to Turkey, we had to meet a bus outside the school where we had practices. We were there before the sun rose, me and my mom and the other 15 kids and their parents. The bus took us to JFK airport for our flight to Switzerland, where you could see the Alps from the airport, then on to Ankara. I held onto mom the entire bus ride to the airport. I barely looked out the window. I buried my face into her arm, inhaling her, the aroma a combination of Avon’s 24 Hour deodorant, Newport cigarettes and Estes Lauder perfume. When we arrived to the airport, I didn’t want to let her go. I cried as I watched them remove the luggage from the storage beneath the bus. “I don’t wanna go, mommy.” She hugged me tight, then cupped my face in her hands and said, “Go see the world, Vanessa.”

This was the first time I’d traveled anywhere without my family. I remember walking through Ankara with my host sister Asli, a blonde haired, blue eyed girl my age, who lived in a high rise condominium. From the windows in the apartment, you could see the entire city, the buildings with huge banners of the national hero Ataturk flapping in the wind, and the green covered mountains in the distance.

They had a live-in maid who I rarely saw. One day, I walked into the bathroom which was the size of the room I shared with my sister in New York. Asli’s period soaked underwear were in the tub. When I asked her to move them so I could shower, she sneered at me, “That’s the maid’s job.” One of the few times I saw the maid was that day, as I watched her grab the underwear and rinse them before taking them, still wet, into her room through a side door in the long hallway.

One day, towards the end of my weeklong stay there, Asli took me to the markets to go shopping for souvenirs. I cringed when I saw her push past an old woman who was begging for money. The old woman didn’t say anything. She just held out her hands, cupped in front of her, her fingers curled in awkwardly, head down, pleading. She reminded me of my great grandmother Tinita with her deep wrinkles and skin brown like the frijoles she shelled in the patio every morning. I gave the old woman all the change I had in my pocket. The women turned her eyes up to look at who had given her enough change to fill her hands. Asli pulled me away before I could meet those eyes.

I can’t remember the exact moment when I knew I was ready to leave Brooklyn, but I came back knowing I was definitely going to do it: I was going to boarding school. 

I workshopped this chapter at Tin House in January, where I worked with Lidia Yuknavitch. She asked: What’s the story behind the story? The writers in my group of six asked: What was it exactly that made me decide to leave? What was it about this trip that did it for me–made me say: Yes. Me voy. I’m out. I’m going to boarding school.?

I’ve felt that acrid taste in my throat since that day way back in 1989. It was in Turkey that I first learned shame. Shame of where I was from. Shame for being from the people I was from. For being poor and brown and from the hood.

I felt that shame again in boarding school. When I took out the lunch tickets I got to pay for lunch when everyone else was taking out their cash and buying extras that my lunch ticket didn’t cover. Lunch tickets got you whatever burger or chicken patty or soggy pizza was on the menu. Lunch tickets didn’t cover cookies or ice cream. Not even juice. A lunch ticket got you the milk and a cup of fruit dripping in sugar water or a soft plum.

I felt it again when I couldn’t afford to go to the movies or out to lunch when I got the pass to leave campus my senior year.

I felt it when the girl I became friends with showed up every week with a new pair of sneakers and Guess jeans. One time, she said: “Do you want this pair? I know you’ve been wearing those for years.” She pointed at the Reebok sneakers my brother had bought me with the little money he made at The Gap. I never wore those sneakers again.

I felt it when I was invited to do a student exchange program in Spain but couldn’t go because I couldn’t afford it. In all honesty, I didn’t ask my mother. How could I? She couldn’t afford it. I had to start working when I got there, babysitting until I turned 14 and could get my working papers. Then I started working at the local supermarket. I worked most of the time I was there in Wellesley, Massachusetts; at an ice cream parlor for a spell, at an accounting firm, and again at the local supermarket, countless babysitting jobs. I bought my own winter coat. I bought my clothes and my pencils and notebooks. How could I afford $2500 for a student exchange program? I couldn’t, so I didn’t.  

I felt that shame when I was invited to the house of the president of the board and saw the statue by the door of the monkey in a tux holding out a tray. We, all the scholarship kids who were invited, stopped and stared. We understood what it meant. We didn’t have the language to express our rage and hurt, but we knew. We knew we didn’t belong there, but we swam in that woman’s pool and we ate her food and the ice cream she made in that ice cream maker that she took so much pride in. I didn’t have one of those at home. I still don’t.

***

Over the past few months, I’ve seen various FB posts shaming folks who crowdfund. The language is very “you should have planned for this”/”take care of your own shit”/”the world should not have to carry you”/”you’re irresponsible/don’t know how to adult, etc. etc. etc.” I always think about my mother and the kind of poverty she grew up in in Honduras. I think about the stories she told us about how she didn’t have a doll until she was eight. She had one pair of shoes so she went to school barefoot, and how her grandmother Tinita made sure to get them to school early so they could have the powdered milk the school provided them in the morning. It was yellow and chalky and there were bugs floating in it, but they drank it because it was the only milk they had.

I grew up poor. We didn’t have the latest kicks and we couldn’t go on vacation often, but we always had a roof over our heads, even if the crumbling walls gave me and my brother asthma, and we always had food, even if it was just a can of corned beef with white rice. But my family in Honduras knows the kind of poverty you only see in Save the Children commercials. My family knows hunger and war and death. My family knows what it is to lose children to diseases that could have been easily treated had they the money and the resources.

My mother once told me the story of a classmate in La Ceiba who died suddenly. As they were watching her body, parasites started climbing out of her nose and poking at the inside of her cheeks, so they had to open the dead girl’s mouth so they could squirm out. This is the kind of poverty my family knows. These stories live in me. All of them.

I know that much of how my family (and maybe yours?) survived was due to the kindness of a neighbor who saw the children hungry and offered a gallina to roast or a bit of frijoles and tortillas. My family still sends huge barrels of food and clothes back to Honduras a few times a year. This is why I react viscerally to people shaming others for asking for help. We’ve forgotten about what community means. We’ve gotten so wrapped up in this American individualism and capitalism that we’ve turned ourselves away from the generosity our ancestors taught us.

During my baby shower, there was a man in rags outside the hall begging for food. The custodian cursed and shamed him. My Millie screamed at the custodian, telling him: “A la gente no se le niega comida.” Millie limped inside (she already needed a cane to get around and would die months later). She filled a huge aluminum pan with food, two kinds of rice and chicken and pernil and salad and bread, and she took that food out to that man in rags. She said, “Donde hay uno con hambre, hay otros.” I will always remember this lesson. So should you.

***

Poverty is a cycle, and it is a cycle that is nearly impossible to break. There are tons of studies that prove this. I could cite sources for days and still there will be folks who will insist that there’s a way out. I was made to believe that my ticket out was education, so I went that route, attending a prestigious boarding program and then going on to an ivy league. I am still struggling. Let’s not even talk about the debt I’m in as a result of this education people claim is the way to get out of poverty. College debt is indentured servitude.  

These students are often being loaded up with staggering debt that is completely out of whack with the earnings boost they’ll likely get from a degree at a nonselective or less selective college. Already, average student loan debt is higher in Boston than any other metro area in the country, 44 percent above the national average, according to Credit Karma. But  more troubling, many of these low-income students — and, at some colleges, most of them — are not graduating. That means these non-completers are leaving campus saddled with lots of debt but none of the salary gains that traditionally come with a bachelor’s degree. Source: Boston Globe 

***

I have worked my ass off to make this writing and teaching life happen. That has meant an incredible amount of sacrifice. I have gotten eviction notices and three day notices. I have wondered how I will buy a metrocard to get to a gig or interview. I have spent my last pennies on a gallon of milk and bread. I know what it is to grind. I know what it is to save money and see it go on unexpected expenses. Shit is hard out here for all of us.

I’ve raised money numerous times to attend workshops. I raised money as recently as this past December so I could go to Tin House. Asking for help is hard. It is the epitome of letting oneself be vulnerable. We do it because we know this work we’re doing is necessary. I raised more than enough money in under 24 hours and paid it forward with the $1000+ I got over the amount I requested, offering extra scholarships for my Writing Our Lives spring semester class and donating money to different causes. I know folks helped because I stay helping others. I am incredibly generous with my time and resources. I teach. I mentor. I work and work and work. So, yes, when I see folks shaming others for asking their communities for help, it rubs me the wrong way. Folks will always say they aren’t shaming. Some go as far as saying that they are just offering advice. But if it looks like shaming, it’s shaming. I call a spade a spade.

If you don’t want to contribute, don’t. But shaming someone is not what community is about. Ever.

Mi gente, if you don’t want to support someone’s adventures, don’t. If you don’t want to donate to a gofundme or what have you to help a person get to a workshop or catch up on bills, don’t. We’re all fighting our own private wars. We don’t know what people are going through emotionally or spiritually or financially. We don’t know what they’ve endured to get where they are. Shaming them does nothing to help them or you. It’s also an asshole thing to do. We’ve all been in a rut. We’ve all fallen on hard times. Have some compassion. And, yes, check your privilege.

***

Poverty shaming insinuates that there is something inherently wrong with people who are poor. It says that they simply don’t work or don’t want to work; that they want the system to take care of them; that they are not self-reliant.

According to “$2.00 a Day: Living on Almost Nothing in America” (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt) by Kathryn J. Edin and H. Luke Shaefer:

“Contrary to the criticism that the poor are just lazy, Edin and Shaefer found people who don’t want a government handout. They just wanted to work. And many do.

“Yet even when working full time, these jobs often fail to lift a family above the poverty line,” the authors write.

The narratives give context to the complexity of how people end up living on almost nothing. They often come from situations of sexual or physical abuse, addiction, or parental abandonment. And yes, their stories are also rife with bad decisions that keep them down.

Nonetheless, Edin and Shaefer provide a perspective that should stop us from telling poor folks that all they have to do is pull themselves up by their bootstraps. What if you don’t even have a boot? Source: Boston Globe 

More evidence:

“According to a 2015 report (press release) from the White House Council of Economic Advisers, the “large majority of households receiving SNAP include children, senior citizens, individuals with disabilities, and working adults,” and “two-thirds of SNAP benefits go to households with children.” Here’s more:

SNAP benefits lifted at least 4.7 million people out of poverty in 2014—including 2.1 million children. SNAP also lifted more than 1.3 million children out of deep poverty, or above half of the poverty line (for example, $11,925 for a family of four). Mother Jones http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2017/01/food-stamps-snap-soda-nyt

Why am I including these statistics? Because I was a Sociology major at Columbia who studied poverty in depth so I know this shit. I know the reek of poverty shaming both personally and through my extensive studies.

Also, because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I don’t always think people realize that they’re being fucked up and parroting the shaming many of us have experienced and witnessed as folks who grew up in poverty. Shit becomes easily internalized. I get that because I too am guilty of having done this.

Here’s the thing: I grew up on food stamps. This was when they came in little booklets and looked like fake money. I also applied for and received food stamps for a six months a few years back when I was struggling as a single mom and couldn’t make ends meet despite working so much and so hard. And I was ashamed of it. I feel the bile of that shame in my throat as I type this.

When I took the card out at the market or the store, I looked around hoping no one I knew was around. I also tried to be discreet when taking it out, blocking the bright blue lettering and my picture in the corner with my hand. And when I swiped the card, I avoided looking at the cashier in the eye. I didn’t want her to see me…or my shame. 

I had to re-certify after six months. That means I had to go back to the SNAP office with evidence that I still needed the assistance. I never went back though I know I would have easily qualified. Why didn’t I go back? Because of shame.

I look back now and cringe at myself. I was just trying to feed my kid while I got through a rough patch. Why is this wrong? 

It’s all of this that has made me who I am: someone who gives so generously, who offers a free one day five hour personal essay class, because I know not everyone has the resources to pay for my nine week class.

The other day in class, a student said: “You can charge so much more for this class than you do.” This student is in a PhD program. He talked about the classes he’s taken, what people pay thousands of dollars for, where he says they never learn the craft elements of writing that I teach for $620 for nine five hour classes. Other students chimed in, echoing the sentiment. I felt that familiar shame lean in. I said: “I want to keep the class accessible to my community.” And I do mean that. I mean that with my entire heart. But I also hear the echo of the message I’ve been told so many times: that I don’t deserve to ask for or expect more. How do you balance this? I’m still figuring it out. I want to keep this class accessible to the communities that I write for and to, but I also need to live, feed my family, pay my bills, etc.

Logically I know I am worthy. Logically I know that this shame is not mine. It is poison. It is vitriol…but the heart is another matter, and it’s hard to push back on these things that have been ingrained in us for so damn long.

***

I can’t tell you the times people told me that the only reason I made it to Columbia was because of affirmative action. How could someone like me, who comes from where I come from, who looks like me and talks like me, have possibly earned her seat at an Ivy League?

This is what shaming looks like.

***

While at AWP in March, I went to a lecture by Jacqueline Woodson, writer of more than 32 books. In her most recent book, Another Brooklyn, she wrote about the Bushwick we both grew up in in the 70s and 80s. During her lecture she spoke about how in her research, she only found tragedy when looking for stories of the neighborhood in that era. She said she wanted to honor Bushwick, that neighborhood that shaped so much of who she is. 

During the Q&A, I thanked Woodson for writing about our hood. She asked where I was from, and it turns out we grew up just blocks from one another. I asked: “How did you get past the shame that is imposed on us for being where we’re from?” She said: “that shame grew to rage.” She knew she didn’t learn that rage at home. At home she learned love and pride and hard work. She learned quickly that that shame was from the “outside gaze,” and that was how she was able to transform it to rage. “Who was that person who made me feel that shame?”

“To see clearly and without flinching, without turning away, this is agony, the eyes taped open two inches from the sun. What is it you see then?”  —Margaret Atwood

There were so many places and people who made me feel that shame. I’m writing this to them. I am holding up a mirror and daring them to stare. I am challenging them to really look at themselves and the shit they’ve internalized. I am daring them to look at their privilege, to check themselves. I am here, with all my rage, saying: I dare you to look. Do you cringe? What will you do with that reflection? How will you change? 

I’m staring at that mirror too. Are you willing? How else can we change the world if not by first working on ourselves? #perspective

  Relentless Files — Week 67 (#52essays2017 Week 14) *An essay a week in 2017* It is the fall semester of first year at Columbia University.