#or a bunch of people avoiding their families will enjoy it hahaha

[fanfoolishness]

Number 10 with your Ingellvar x Lucanis is calling out to my angst fueled mind, please!

You write so beautifully btw 🥰 and your rooks are GORGEOUS

Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy this one, it really got rather out of hand!

Prompt: a kiss out of desperation. Liesl Ingellvar isn’t sure what’s real, but Lucanis is there for her. Set very shortly post-game so full spoilers for the ending. Angst and hurt/comfort and feels, 1429 words of them! Enjoy :)

———

What’s Real

Gray mist swirled around her, settling clammy dew on her cheeks and hands. Beads of it slid down to gather at her chin. She wiped it away, unsettled.

Stone rose up out of the mist, half-recognized, messy sketches of the Grand Necropolis yawning before her. But this was not the Grand Necropolis she knew; though it was ever changing, ever mutable, it still always felt familiar in the sweet-musty scent of the grave, the preternatural stillness, the sense of vastness far beyond mortal ken. This place she was in now felt like a tarnished reflection, a pale imitation of what she knew. She traversed the wending trails in cautious confusion, feeling hemmed in. Constrained.

”This isn’t home,” Liesl muttered to herself. “It’s the Fade.”

But if it was the Fade, why did she feel so uneasy? She had long ago mastered herself and her dreams, and hungry spirits held no dominion over her: she knew who she was, and what she was about. There was nothing to fear here.

Except she knew better.

Varric’s voice came behind her, kind and caring, proud and warm. “Hey there, kid.”

”You’re gone now,” she whispered, blinking back sudden tears. “I let you go. I understand everything.”

”You sure about that?”

The fear choked her, made it hard to breathe. She couldn’t be back in Solas’ prison. She’d fought her way through. She’d been called home. But she couldn’t remember how she had escaped — if she had escaped — and cold dread staggered her heart. With a great effort she turned to face him.

Varric chuckled, shaking his head. He stood before her with an easy smile, Bianca on his back, hands on his hips. The mist billowed around him as his smile drooped. “I’m sorry, Rook. We messed up. We tried though, didn’t we? Wish I could write it all down.” He sounded so tired.

Then Varric shifted in the fog, his shape smaller, slighter. Familiar red hair blazed through the mist. Harding gave her a sad look.

“You’re here,” she said. “Gosh, I wish you weren’t. It’s not a nice place to be.”

”Harding, I’m sorry —“

Harding waved a gloved hand at her, shrugging. “You made a choice, and so did I. I knew that this was part of the deal! I think you did, too.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s so chilly here. No one told me it was going to be so cold.”

Liesl dashed away tears with the back of her hand. She wouldn’t cry. This wasn’t real. Was it?

Harding sighed. “I just wish my Ma was going to be all right. With all this, you know?”

“I’ll tell her how brave you were,” Liesl said fiercely.

Harding gave her a sad smile. “But how are you going to do that, Rook, when you’re trapped here?”

No. She had to get out. Had to escape. She turned and ran the other direction, nearly running into another figure.

It was Solas. Not the brash young warrior of the Crossroads, nor the wise tactician speaking into her mind. He was Wisdom made Pride, his eyes cold and sharp and calculating. The Dread Wolf drew nearer and even through the mist, she could see the bruises mottling his face, the mouthful of blood staining his teeth.

“You’ve outdone yourself,” Solas said, raising the lyrium dagger. Before she could arm herself or reach for her magic the dagger was beneath her chin, pressing against her pulse. “But the Veil falls now. It must.” He gave her a rueful smile. “I regret you will not see what will become.”

The dagger nicked her throat, and the world went blue, then white.

—

“Rook! Liesl! Wake up!” Hands on her shoulders, a voice in the dark, a shower of violet feathers. She blinked, shaking, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. Lucanis was beside her, candles flickering behind him, Spite’s wings gone once more. She knew this place. It was Varric’s room… no. It was the Lighthouse infirmary.

She scrambled up to a sitting position and stared at Lucanis for a long and terrible moment, her chest heaving. Was this real? Was this the prison? Would Lucanis vanish, just another trick? She clapped a hand to her throat, but there was no wound.

Her head throbbed. She buried her face in her hands, overwhelmed. The cot sank and shifted as Lucanis sat down beside her.

“Oh, Rook, Rook, Rook.” He murmured her name like a prayer, voice raw and cracking, and then his arms were around her. He pulled her in close, holding her tightly, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He was warm and solid.

She took a deep breath. He smelled of stale coffee and sweat, elfroot, a hint of injury. Injury. She — she remembered —

“We did it,” she mumbled. “Didn’t we?”

“We did,” Lucanis said softly, lifting his head. He brushed away the tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes with the pad of his thumb. “We won. But you were hurt. Do you remember?”

The battle with Elgar’nan, a blow to the head, running on sheer willpower. Pleading with Solas with her head pounding, Lucanis holding her steady as the dizziness worsened. A flash of light as the Veil mended and stabilized. The others, some injured, but all alive. It was coming back to her in bits and pieces.

“I remember,” she said. “But I — I thought I —” She shivered, bowing her head. “I thought he’d trapped me again in the Fade. That he was going to tear the Veil down. I saw Solas — and Harding — Varric —“

She raised her head, looking over at the cot that still held Varric’s folded jacket, the shattered remnants of Bianca. He was still gone. It had only been a dream, not an echo, not a spirit, not a trap.

“I’m sorry. They’re gone. But you’re awake now,” Lucanis said. “You’re safe.”

But the fear still lingered. She pulled back from him and he reluctantly released her from the embrace. She turned her gaze from Varric’s bed — no, it had never been his bed — and stared into Lucanis’ worried face, seeing him more clearly now.

A large bruise stained one cheek. There was a bloodied split in his swollen lip. The shadows beneath his reddened eyes were deep and dark, and his hair was tangled, nearly snarled. Clearly he had not left her side since Minrathous or attended to his own injuries.

“Are you all right?” Liesl asked, resting her hand on his chest, against his rumpled waistcoat.

“Told him to rest. Heal. I would guard you. Wouldn’t listen!” Spite growled, a violet aura flickering around Lucanis’ body for an instant.

“He’s stubborn, that’s for sure,” Liesl agreed, almost smiling. Spite laughed.

Lucanis shook his head, the flicker of Spite dissipating once more. “I am fine,” he said. She touched the bruise on his cheek and he winced slightly. “Mostly fine. It’s of little concern. We were all more worried about you. Emmrich and Bellara did what they could, but there were many injured, and supplies were low. This?” He gestured to his face. “Is nothing.”

She nodded, her head aching with the motion, and grimaced. He brushed the hair back from her forehead, peering concernedly at her eyes.

“Rook, you should not be up yet. You must rest,” Lucanis said.

But if she rested, the Fade awaited her. Harding, Varric, they might be there again, the fears and griefs she’d barely had a chance to name before she’d had to return to the fight. She couldn’t face them, not yet.

Not alone.

“Tell me I’m here,” she breathed, desperate to believe him. “Please, Lucanis. Tell me I’m here.”

His dark eyes were too bright, glittering in the candlelight. “Oh, Liesl.” He stroked her hair, her cheek, and drew her into a shaky kiss. “You are here with me, I promise. I love you.”

She kissed him back, sinking against him until they lay entangled on the narrow cot, pressed tightly against each other. She could feel his hands, the rise of his chest, the jut of his hips, the way his legs fit in with hers. The way he fit with her.

“I believe you, Lucanis. I love you.” And she did, in a way that felt realer than real, a rich and deep love unbound by Fade or dream. She could feel him against her, smell the familiar scent of his hair and skin, hear his breathing. She knew he spoke the truth. She breathed deeply, safe in his arms.

I’m here. I’m here.

We’re here.

[guardian5tiger3]

1. 2. 3.

And

4. ( Yes, it's a picture of chingy. )

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PICK A GROUP TAROT

1

Basically I think you're single with a big heart / a lot of love to give, and you have a friend that's gay or in a gay relationship or some of you maybe don't even realize if you have a crush that he's gay or has a boyfriend . Or youre in a three way relationship??????? If any of those are true or you literally just know two guys and one of them is similar to you somehow , they are talking about you . And it's possible one or both of them want you to be cut off from them or for you to have to leave something or a place behind . So you could actually be being plotted on in terms of them doing something maybe to get you kicked out of your place or fired ????! Dude if somebody IS in a gay relationship they could actually not be gay they could be straight and be making a mistake ...

WTF is this y'all damn . Looks like you've only been nice as f and in your own vibe . Do y'all have autism ????????? Or want to get checked for it ???! This the most confusing reading I've ever done . Cause it's possible these people are just reading you so effing wrong and being judgemental like for the few of you that that's your case I hope the culprit eats shit cause I especially feel your pain here . This also could be people from your past or something that happened in the past . Dude someone HATES you all cause you're just enjoying what you have or what you have worked for or your own vibe or something . Like why . WTF "with a cherry on top "bitch what the hell . You might have been excluded from a group of friends or something . . .... But you have the best energy though ... Like you're beautiful .uhm the advice is to flex on everyone ever. Just be bold about your vibes and how you look and flaunt it cause it'll mess these people's heads up It would make someone get so mad they'd prolly piss their effing pants hahaha . F k 'em . So that's ...your advice.... Good luck with ... This ....... Just flex on em idk they definitely have at least one or two people that know whoever these dudes are or whatever that look at stuff you post online too if you do or see you at a grocery store possibly??? Or at a restaurant if you're a waitress ..... Y'all get the point you would be seen and you'd have em freaking out ....... Bunch of nerds if you ask me , shoot.

( extra channeling . Someone ate some one ass I think it's these two guys that are gay with each other and it's funny and gross ? ) as if that's my business or anyone's but I think other factors involved make this justifiably hilarious for someone

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2

You are the last one standing in a situation. Channeling the hunger games here . You could be the only person in your own family to ever do something . You might have one best friend ( when I typed this, at this point I accidentally put 😉 this emoji somehow ????? ) or a pet .?

People have tried to delay you or throw obstacles your way or hurt you or something and I don't know that anyone or yourself ever could have imagined whatever destiny you have . It's going to teach a lot of people lessons . People that may have judged you especially if you live your life unconventionally . Whatever your destiny is is kind of shocking but will leave certain people in complete shame . I feel like some people you've dealt with somehow could never ever imagine admitting to being wrong on the level they may have been about you and it will be humiliating and ego shattering for a certain person or people . This is especially true if you tend to avoid conflict , or are a loner, or never experienced a party scene as a teen and young adult , or even like, sleep overs or birthday parties as a kid. You may have always been focused on things no one else really was while everyone else was in a way wasting their time with other things . It's so gonna pay off however the lifestyle similar to what I'm describing is that you've lived .

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3

Y'all seem good but maybe impatient about something or just, the future in general ? . You're either in love with someone OR that's what you're impatient about, your love life . Your soulmate is hurt right now and needs to or had needed to get away from something cause someone had some sharp words towards them not making things any better but making it actively get worse for them emotionally or mentally or physically . Whatever environment either of you are in it's not suitable for the type of love you two would have so there does need to be action taken in terms of fixing the chaotic or bad environment but sometimes it's up to this person to do and you are left maybe bored or inpatient then right ? If you guys want a family - like situation in any way be it just you two , pets , children , whatever . You can absolutely put your focus on preparing for that in any given way that you can .

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4

You're looking back on the past or rewatching old shows or movies or doing something for nostalgia maybe even eating something you used to . If this is what you're doing right now it's because subconsciously you want yourself to notice something negative that happened around that time . Or in your past generally . Something may have been not obvious enough or straight up going on behind your back or maybe you have blocked out trauma ? It looks like you're alright now but upset about the past . Don't force whatever you're trying to realize or remember but I think reading this might just help with that naturally coming up in your mind at some point . Make sure you don't get too lost in your mind and also consider practicing grounding yourself in the physical present moment . Something positive is about to happen to you . Either you're eating vegetables or you should be . Also look towards foods and activities that are positive for brain health . If you have a dog take the dog for walks or do that for more time or more often at this time . If you have a fish or hamster do not take a pet like that for a walk . Just a little PSA 😉 . there is one very good thing coming to you that might be humbling in a way but it is destined and it is great . It might come to you in the form of good news ? . But I can't say anything more about what it might be . I think the energy youre in now is very telling of what's to come as if youre preparing for something subconsciously. Take care .

[breezy-cheezy]

I just want to say it's been delightful watching you get into One Piece. It's been one of my main fandoms for years, but most of the people I was following who posted about it moved on to other things and I didn't have the energy to try to find new ones, so my dash has been pretty empty of it and I mostly just kept up with the anime/manga and not much else. Your enthusiasm for it, and all the art you've been posting and reblogging, has been a highlight of my days. I have a One Piece fanfic I've been trying to finish for years, and I've felt more like writing it in the past week or so than I have in a very long time (haven't actually managed it yet, but maybe soon, I hope). I'm glad you're having fun, and I can't wait to see you get farther in the series. <3

And *I* just wanna say how touching this message is!! 🥺 Thank you for sending this, I’ve been putting off responding because I was hoarding it like a dragon HAHA

I’m glad you’re enjoying the sudden OP onslaught! Part of me always worries, but it IS my blog and I enjoy slapping a bunch of funny pirates on my metaphorical fridge, glad you’re getting a kick out of it too! Perks of a media about as old as me too is that there’s sooooo much content to dig through, it’s very fun! Even if I suck at avoiding spoilers LOL (I will at least try to shield my buddy from spoilers as she also works her way through the manga at her own pace XD)

I hear ya on struggling to finish a fic for so long…for me, with new fandom comes new ideas and we’ll see if I can actually finish these, lmao. I’m glad to hear you’re inspired again! What’s the fic about, out of curiosity? 👀 If you feel like sharing that is!

Thank you, it’s been a VERY fun read, and I hope to watch some parts in the anime later! For now tho manga is easiest for me to consume, and the art is just really nice?? 1000+ chapters used to be so intimidating but now I find it’s hard to put the thing down X’’’’D One Piece good, found family got me good! I’ll be a bit more detailed under the cut real fast (I’ve been yelling at another friend on discord with regular manga updates but I will say this)

Isa don’t open the read more :> :

I just finished Thriller Bark arc and ooooooh boy that was a Time. Zoro you are insane *sobbing* HOW IS HE EVEN ALIVE

Usopp getting to use his anxiety/depression/negative thoughts as a strength against Perona was. SO funny yet SO vindicating, I love himmmmm-

Also the stuff with Brook is one of the things I feel I need to watch the anime on because!!! Music!!! That’s difficult to translate through manga, as pretty as the art is. Same for Chopper’s send off from Drum Island, I wanna see the pretty pink Sakura Blossoms!!!! But yea Brook made me cry. I remember really hoping Laboon would pop up again and BOY HOWDY let the skeleton see his baby whale again I beg….

I just hit the Sabody arc too and spotted Law for the first time! I already know his backstory (oops I’m nosey) and WOW HE’S A LITTLE SH*T HAHAHA funny greasy lookin man good to see ya X’’’D I also love Camie!! Kinda refreshing to see a female character getting to finally make the same (if not even MORE) whacky faces like the boys do hhdfhgjkdf you’re doing great sweetieeeee 😂 (also good to see Hachi again!!)

Also the intro to Celestial Dragons and slave trade is so. Man. This is VILE. The extent of horrors the Government will look away from because they’re Celestial Dragons doing the horrors. AUGH. Gross. The situation is revealed in a really neat way too, very engaging. Sooooo satisfying watching Luffy full on punch one CD in the face tho, BLESS. Love that funky lil dude. He really doesn’t care who you are, he can and WILL punch you if friends are threatened.

ALSO I do see Ace’s execution being set up in the bg. I know in a general sense what….happens to him. I don’t like it, let him out 😭

BUT YEA I’M HAVING ALOT OF FUN THANK YOU!!!!

[purplesurveys]

1811

What would you say is the worst part of high school, period? I was actually fine with high school for the most part – my bigger problem was with the very nature of the school itself since I went to a Roman Catholic school. Doing a bunch of church shit several times in a month was the norm, dress code was super suffocating, and 'prom' was not only mandatory attendance but was also instead called 'benefit dinner' because apparently prom is too scandalous. There were also secret student spies assigned by the guidance counselors to tip off whoever was thought to be in a same-sex relationship. I also had a male teacher make a remark about my boobs once. :) Made me hate the concept of religion for as long as I live.

A few weeks into college I was already wearing shorts and sleeveless tank tops to campus because that's how freeing it felt.

What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I don't eat apples.

How old will you be on your mother’s 68th birthday? Is that ‘old’ to you? I will be 41. Yes, the idea of being in my 40s makes me a little dizzy lol.

Ever thought you were dying of something you weren’t even close to having? Yeah, isn't that a running joke on the internet too cos most of us have felt anxiety/paranoia over this?

Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? I considered being a doctor very briefly but it wasn't because of medical shows. I just genuinely enjoyed learning about the human body and with memorization skills coming naturally to me, I thought that could've been a possible route.

What do you think of all these reality shows that try to alter personality? Wdym, like Dr. Phil? Idk they're trashy for the most part but boy are some segments guilty-pleasurely fun to watch hahaha.

Where are your favorite pair of shoes in the whole world right now? In our storage area under the stairs.

Do you live anywhere near a mall? Which one exactly? I live near several malls. Philippines might as well be the Mall Capital of the World because of the sheer number we have of them.

If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? Probably my family because it would be too excruciating for me to be saying goodbye to others first without them having any idea about what's going on.

Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? Depends on the kid, which automatically disqualifies me from being a good babysitter lol. I'm picky with kids and will avoid ones that are rude/talk back/yell everything everywhere/throw their toys/cry if they don't get what they want/are hooked to gadgets/will do the opposite of what you ask them to do, thinking they're being charming. So...most of them haha.

Do you ever have those ‘ah ha!’ moments? Do those annoy you? Uh, I guess so? That's very vague though, and I can have aha moments that are good, that are bad, or when I realize how dumb I'm being about something.

When is the next time you’ll eat a cupcake, if you know when? I have no idea :( I love cupcakes but there just aren't a lot of shops that sell them, and when I find one it's always so so so expensive.

Does your family go on a lot of vacations? Are they more boring or exciting? For my own standards yeah it's already a lot for me! We go for 1-3 times every time my dad is home, which comes up to 2-6 a year. Our itineraries have considerably slowed down the older we've all gotten, but I like it just like that.

Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? Uniqlo. It was a pack of three pairs - one is white with blue accents; one is maroon; and the last one is grey.

Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? I don't lay in the grass because uhhhhhh red ants and stuff lol, but I like looking at the sky whenever I can. I did that yesterday in UP while I was people-watching :)

When do you normally go to sleep on the weekends? Anywhere between 2-5 AM.

Have you ever met someone with the same ‘biggest fear’ as you? Yes, mine is fairly common.

Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other? I don't have a partner but even when I did we didn't really do this.

Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pen. I don't like how pencils get dull so quickly.

Who was the last person to call you fat, if anyone at all? Not exactly 'fat' and they didn't mean it in a demeaning manner but my mom referred to me as having put on a little weight over the years, but I didn't find it offensive because it's generally true anyway.

What color skin does the last person you danced with have? That would be the rest of the 32,000 capacity crowd that I watched Seventeen with, and it would be my best guess to assume 99% of us were brown. I saw some foreigners too but super few and far between.

Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at night time? Yes. I never walk outdoors in the evenings unless I'm at BGC.

Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades? No but that's kind of shitty. I had bad grades because I didn't put in enough effort, so I would have found it embarrassing if she went that route.

The best field trip you’ve ever been on; where was it to anyway? Answered this in a previous survey, but tbh just any field trip where we went to museums. I actually credit my school for kickstarting my love for museums because in Grade 1 we went to a couple of small local ones. It was such a fun and profound experience and I never stopped searching for new ones to visit from there.

In the next twenty minutes, what will you be doing and where will you be? I'll still be in my room but probably watching YouTube videos to prepare for bed.

Do you work? If so, have you ever been fired, then rehired from the place? I do work, but have never been fired.

Can you tell when people are lying or telling the truth? That's hard to answer. Some people can lie effortlessly.

What would you say your average word per minute time is on the keyboard? Anywhere between 85-100.

What is your least favorite class in school? Why is this? Chemistry, trig, calc. They were impossible for me to understand and I also resented those classes a little bit because it definitely made me think, "I'm headed towards journalism school anyway, what is the point of ever learning this?" like it was just a waste of time for me knowing I'll never have to apply the more complex concepts in the real world.

Do you bite your fingernails or tap them on desks? I can't bite them at the moment because I have braces lol, but I used to do it. An alternative I go for is to just tinker with them enough to tear the long nails off.

Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I wanted to be a drummer once but that was more of a fantasy. I never actually had the goal to be in a band.

Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? Nope.

When did you last spend the night at someone’s house? Hans' house. Well technically we arrived at his house from Thailand at like 5 AM and then we all took a nap there til noon, but I'm still counting it. This was back in June.

Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? Reena's dad has an attitude problem and I don't like him, and fortunately I've never had to interact with him save for one instance where he tried to be snooty with me after I picked up Reena from their place. I threw it right back at him but just under my breath.

Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? I haven't done that.

When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? I don't have plans to do that. I don't even know enough about our public libraries to know which ones are the best to visit.

Do you know how to play pool? Are you any good at it? Nope and nope.

Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? No.

[bnha-mha-imagines]

Okay, get this: a new lov member who’s really awkward and shy. Everyone thinks she’s just a normal gal but it turns out she’s absolutely out of her mind? /sigh/ I don’t even know anymore 😔 rip. I’m so bad at requesting it should be my new party trick. Anyways, I hope you have a good day and I love your writing!!

Ahh thank you! :) I’m not sure if you wanted this to be cute or disturbing so I went with the latter because nothing I’ve posted so far is dark themed (all my stuff is like, fluff haha)! :0 Let’s get some well rounded writing up in here! 

New LOV member who’s secretly insane

Warnings: DARK THEMES that include but are not limited to: Blood, dead animals, disturbing images, cannibalism, death, hearing voices, sadism/masochism, violence, mentions of self-harm etc. etc. You get the picture. 

^^^Don’t read if you’re sensitive to similar topics. I went ham on this, yall. 

Disclaimer: The reader depicted in this is chronically insane and is an extreme case. This is in no way a depiction of a person with a mental disorder. I don’t want to spread any misinformation, most people with mental disorders are lovely people and are not crazy/dangerous in anyway

Under the cut vvv

Tomura Shigaraki:

Look, he wasn’t a fan of the whole awkward-shy act, but hey, you were pretty hot and you had a quirk that the League definitely needed

So he let you in, figuring he’d just need to have that timid attitude of yours whipped out of you

But OH. It didn’t take long for him to realize you were completely bonkers. 

Dabi was giving you shit like he did everyone, and all it took was a poor comment on his part for your usually pleasant expression to contort into one of malice and...joy? The way your face darkened and your eyes swirled with an unhinged gleam… 

Maybe you’d be more interesting than he initially thought~ plus, seeing you threaten Dabi was definitely some brownie points in Tomura’s book

At times it gets frustrating because you can get out of hand, and he honestly couldn’t even handle the League WITHOUT another crazy added in the mix

But you were powerful and an important addition to the team, so you were stuck with this sorry lot whether you liked it or not

Kurogiri:

He was a little surprised, but pleasantly so, when Tomura recruited you for the League. You were actually...rather normal compared to the rest of the bunch, but he was far from complaining!

You were also modest and well-mannered, and Kurogiri especially admired that. The rest of the League was full of squabbling hotheads, so you were a breath of fresh air!

At the bar, he’d talk a lot with you seeing as you were one of the calmer villains, but overtime he noticed that certain comments would raise a few red flags. 

One day you bring in the mangled body of a cat and...oh. 

The way you casually set it on the bar counter and grin at Kurogiri happily while you ask for a kiddy cocktail… all the while your hands were still soaked in its blood.

Tomura’s decision made a bit more sense now. You were completely off your rocker! He treats you pretty much the same as before, but is usually the one who has to reel you in when you start to show your crazy too much. 

Dabi:

When you first joined the League, he couldn’t believe it. Was Tomura fucking stupid? How could a shy, pretty thing like you possibly fit in with the baddest villain organization?

Needless to say, he was kind of an asshole to you. He’d make rude comments, blatantly say you didn’t belong here, condescendingly give you names like “princess” 

For the most part you would bear it all with a grin, and though he didn’t exactly understand you reaction, he would scoff and roll his eyes. “Weirdo”

One day he happens to strike a particularly strong chord with you, and suddenly you’ve shoved him against a wall, hands wrapped around his throat

You choking him wasn’t what off put him. It was the demented look in your eyes and the lopsided grin overwhelming your face. You were practically begging him to insult you again.

“It feels soooo good when you call me names!” you giggle, fingers squeezing into his neck. “Maybe you can choke me next?!” Your eyes were excited at the sadistic thought. 

He shoves you off rather easily after he gets over his initial surprise, rubbing his neck. “Crazy bitch…”

The fact that he didn’t ignite your crazy ass on the spot means you’d gained his respect, if in the slightest. Clearly you’re a better fit to be a villain than he thought. He still picks on you, but significantly less.

Himiko Toga:

She was excited to have another girl! She flocked straight to you and grabbed your sleeve right away!

“Aiiya! You’re so cute, look at you!” She poked your cheeks and you got a little flustered under the attention. She thinks you’re so shy and adorable!!!!

She makes it her mission to become your bestest best friend! But she can’t help but get a little excited from time to time.

“(Y/n), you’re too cute! Please, can I cut you up!? Just a few slices here and there! You’d look ten times cuter if I do!” And she’s grinning.

Her grin completely falters, however, when you agree. “W-What?” she didn’t expect it at all! She was used to getting brushed off.

But no...the crazed look in your eye at the mention of spilled blood… you were practically dripping with insanity. 

Kurogiri stopped the both of you before you both had the chance to completely slice each other up, but from that moment on your were pretty much conjoined at the hip.

Crazy cuties flock together

Spinner:

When a cute, shy thing like yourself joined the League, he was a total flustered mess! You were absolutely adorable!

Like Kurogiri, you were a breath of fresh air, a nice change of pace to the usually colorful bunch that he got to hang around with.

You were nice to him, and he always gets embarrassed when you compliment him! So naturally he assumes that you’re the sweetheart of the bunch! 

You’re talking, and finally Spinner outright asks you, “How’d you even get roped into villainy?” because it blows his mind such a normie like you are in the League

And, very casually and chipper, you describe how you murdered your family in cold blood. They hadn’t even done anything to upset you. You just wanted to. 

“O-Oh.” He honestly didn’t know what to say...but he didn’t really get a chance to speak as you suddenly pull a necklace out from under your shirt. It was a strange looking thing, a shriveled black lump on a string. 

“Look! I even carry a piece of them around with me!” His eyes widen, and you just giggle and tuck the petrified piece of corpse jewelry back into your shirt. 

Twice:

Needless to say, Twice had some mixed feelings about you when you first joined the League.

“What the hell is such a prude bitch doing in the League?” “Aww how cute! Finally a fresh face! Happy to meet you!” 

He’s honestly probably the first to realize you’re absolutely batshit because he’s always half doubting your sincerity

Let’s just say he isn’t surprised when you’re on a mission and you start gnawing and eating at a fresh corpse on the ground

“Wow, that’s fucking bad ass” “Ew!!! That’s disgusting, what the fuck!” 

And hearing his voices go back and forth, you just look up, blood smeared across your face, a strange gleam in your eye and you grin!

“Hahaha! Twice, you always say the funniest things!!!”

After the mission he tries to avoid you as much as he can. Though your quirk and tenacity was something the League definitely benefited from, that didn’t mean he wanted to be anywhere near you after the shit he saw that night

You were fucking wild

Mr. Compress

After Shigaraki let you into the League, he was pretty interested in you. You seemed pretty average and you acted like a timid civilian, so what kind of quirk did you have? Surely something must have caught Tomura’s eye that he wasn’t seeing.

So he, being the man of charisma and mystery that he was, made it his secret motive to find out what you were hiding. 

He took it upon himself to show you around the hideout as your own personal guide. Not that you were complaining! Compress is so flashy and entertaining that you were actually enjoying your time with him.

Not gonna lie, he was acting a little too charming and over-confident with you, trying to get you to slip up and spill a secret

And spill you did! Though not intentionally. It sort of all happened at once. Compress was moving ahead of you and all of a sudden he was thrown back against the wall.

He hits it with a grunt and slides down to the floor, looking up at you with a stunned expression. What the fuck did he do to merit that?!

But you weren’t even looking at him. No, you were whispering under your breath, staring at the ceiling and grinning like a madman. 

“You’re right! That was fun!” you spoke to the empty room, pausing a moment before letting out a loud, crazy laugh. “You always were good at jokes!” 

Slowly he rose and moved away from the room where you stood conversing with your imaginary voices. 

Telekinesis was a pretty powerful quirk! Though it seemed your perks also came with some hefty flaws… very interesting!

Magne: 

Magne was so excited to have another girl in the League! She loved Toga, of course, but at times Magne found her to be a bit...much 

So when you first arrived, seemingly normal, she was so ecstatic! She wanted to do all sorts of girl things with you that she couldn’t really do often in the boy-dominated League

You were so cute and timid, she couldn’t help but want to have a girl’s sleepover with you and Toga!

Your true colors started to show, however, during the middle of a truth or dare game. Magne had asked you what your favorite crime to commit was, expecting something calmer like robbery or identity theft 

Color her surprised when your face contorts into the craziest, most terrifying look as you narrate a violent murder and proceed to grab a pillow and rip it to shreds with your hands as a ‘demonstration’. 

Cute AND violently psycho. She can roll with that.

[misssunflowersandsangria]

This is my Idea

Chapter 6:  Shift 

Hello my lovely deers!  Happy 6th day of @shikatemaweek can’t believe that it’s over!  :(  Let’s have this week last the rest of the year, I think we all need it!  So I tried to make any of today’s prompt works but meh, it’s okay lol 

This is the final chapter.  I have links to the previous chapters listed below in case you missed one of them:

Chapter 1: Trust

Chapter 2:  Marriage

Chapter 3:  Anniversary

Chapter 4: House Exchange

Chapter 5: Beach

Prompt:  Shapeshifting (but not really)

Ages:

Shika:  20

Temari:  22

Summary:  A shift 

*

**

This Summer together was special.  It was the Nara clan's annual celebration that they typically held once in a decade.  Shikamaru had told Temari before coming that the festival was happening that year, and she looked forward to the event.  She donned one of her best yukatas, a deep purple with embroidered gold flowers and fans, an elaborate hair ornament crowning her head.  She wanted to look her best, now it seemed even more important.  This was something of their first introduction to the clan as a couple.  She hoped that they would all approve.  They had been tucked away at his house for a few days just together in their own little world.  But the village and the clan couldn’t wait any longer. 

“Ready to go Shikamaru?”

Temari walked out to the living room finding the Nara family standing there.  “Oh, Yoshino, Shikaku, hello.”

Yoshino’s eyes shot wide open.  “I knew it!  How dare you hide that Temari is here! How did you not know?”  She demanded an answer from her husband.  

“In my defense, I’ve been really busy with planning the festival.”  Shikaku tried to defend himself. 

“Hush, no excuses. Oh, Temari you look, beautiful sweet girl.”  That soft tone changed when she turned to her son.  

“This whole time you kept telling me that she wouldn’t be here in time for the festival.  I almost went to Suna to ask her myself.”

“I apologize, Yoshino, I wanted to come earlier and just have some time before having to get to work.  I had always intended to come and assumed that would have been how you would have found out.”  Temari came to his defense.  

“See mom, not my fault.”  Yoshino glared at him but accepted the explanation.  

“Fine.  Is there anything else I should know?”  She asked with a grin at how her son had gravitated to Temari’s side.

Shikamaru rubbed a hand across his tired eyes.  “Ugh, what a drag.  We’re together okay, you were right.”

“Yes!  I knew it!  Oh Shikaku, the grandbabies are going to be adorable!”

“Mom!”

“I can just see it now, a whole bunch of them just running around.”

“Mom!”  Yoshino was no longer listening. Instead, she was floating away on her cloud dreaming of being a doting grandmother. 

“Anyways let’s go, my dear.  We will see you kids at the festival.”  

They just stared as she continued to imagine a future filled with weddings and grandchildren.  

“I’m sorry about that.”  He should have known that she was going to barrel her way into his house.  He’d made up every excuse not to help with the clan’s celebration and to avoid seeing her.  He knew that once it was known that Temari was staying with him she would have become completely involved.  

“No, it’s okay.  She was bound to find out anyway.  I’m surprised that we kept it a secret even just a few days.

He took her hand with a grin. “Still love me?”

Her lips met his before responding.  “Always.”

*

**

The evening was warm with clear starry skies. The clans’ forest was transformed with various activities, games, food, and drink stands.  Nara clan banners heralding their strength and pride. 

They watched while Shikaku delivered the opening address and Temari felt pretty proud that one day she’d really be a Nara.  

All the clan members that they passed by looked at them with interested and knowing eyes.  Shikamaru held her proudly while in the presence of his family and friends.  

“Well, it seems like everyone knows.”

He grinned placing a soft kiss on her hand.  “Come on Tem, they knew years ago.  We needed to catch up.”  

“You’re probably right.”

After playing various games and eating delicious food they stopped by a coffee stand. It was run by one of his Aunts that was all too excited and happy to see the couple there together. 

They sat together watching everyone enjoy the festivities.  The love and camaraderie shared by all the people present.  Her eyes were drawn to the families.  Parents chasing around small children. 

“So where do we go from here?”

He looked at her confused.  “What do you mean?”

“I’ll only be here for a few more weeks.  What happens when I go back to Suna?”

He paused a thoughtful look crossing his face.  “It will be hard for sure but whether you’re here or there, I want us.  I’m going to go back with you to Suna at the end of Summer.  We are going to tell your mom and brothers about us.  Then I’m going to tell the Council that they can fuck right off with this suitor bullshit.  We’ll make it work Tem.”

“How can you be so sure?”  He kissed away the uncertain look on her face.  

“Because we are both difficult and stubborn people.  If we want to be together, nothing is going to stop us.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at his reasoning, maybe it was as simple as that.  “I do want to be with you.”

“That’s the first time you’ve ever admitted that.”  He teased her with a smile.

“We’ve come a long way from me running away from you.  Although that could be fun…”  Her eyes sparkled with mischief.  

“Temari?  No, you’re not seriously thinking about-”  She cut off his thoughts with a deep kiss.  Her lips were warm and he could taste the coffee on her tongue.  Her hand traveled under his yukata to rub against his chest reminding him of their earlier activities. 

“Tem…”

“Come catch me.”  She grinned and before he could react she was off and running.  He watched her for a second and smiled remembering how their story began.  He broke out into a run ready to chase new adventures. 

Flashforward

It was a warm Summer day when they made their way to the Nara forest.  Temari held Shikamaru’s hand tightly while she fell into the beauty and serenity of it all.  She requested to go to the anniversary grove even though the cherry blossom trees weren’t in their full bloom. She still loved the bright green canopy that hung above them. 

He walked them past their familiar spot and up a small slope.  It was such a picture-perfect day that had nothing to do with the weather, but more about the company.  Having a long-distance relationship for the last few years was difficult but they would do anything to be together. 

Shikamaru held her closely. Having her back here gave him a sense of completion that he was missing.  She always took a part of his heart with her when she was gone.  “Today is a special day.”  

 She gazed up at him confused.  “And why is that?”

He kissed her softly, a warm hand cradling her face.  “Well today, ten years ago I got assigned to escort around a bratty Princess.  At the time it felt like a death sentence. What I didn’t know then was that it was going to change my life in the best way possible.”

She grinned floored that he knew the exact date.  “I hated you so much.”

“Right back at you.”  He winked before drawing her into a kiss.  

“Here.”  Surprising her he handed her a potted tree. 

“What is this?”

“An anniversary tree.  We’re going to add it to your other ones.”  Tears immediately appeared in her eyes.  He shifted her and she saw a small plot of land planted with tiny trees.

“These are your trees. There’s nine there now, when we add this one there will be 10.  One for each year that I’ve loved you.”  He kissed away the small tears that fell feeling slightly overwhelmed himself.

“We do need to figure something out.”  She looked up at him waiting for him to continue.  

“In the future, do we plant another tree on this same date or on our wedding anniversary?”

She reached a hand to cover her mouth.  “What?”  She just stared as he got on one knee in front of her.

“Princess Temari, I’ve loved you for most of my life.  I fell in love with you before I even knew what that meant.  You’re demanding and headstrong.  I’m lazy and complain a lot but you make me a better person.  I just want to make you as happy as you’ve made me.  I love you, will you marry me?”

She fell to her knees in front of him to pull him into a kiss with tears running down her cheeks.  

“When I was younger my mom would tell me bedtime stories about how one day a handsome and charming prince would sweep me off my feet.  Then we would live happily ever after.  Who knew that it would be a pineapple head ninja, that cries and smokes too much.  I love you so much Shikamaru.  I can’t wait to marry you.” 

They held onto one another a lifetime of memories and dreams of the future running through them.  This was their idea of love.

The End 

*

**

So ‘shapeshifting’ in the sense that their relationship has shifted hahaha I tried!  This is technically the end of this story.  I really hope that you all liked it!  I had alot of fun writing it.  Thank you for all your love and support!   I appreciate everyone being so kind.  

A million thank yous to everyone who made this week so fantastic!  

So...I do have another chapter...a director cut if you will lol.  It’s smutty so I’m not attaching it to this story.  I will post it as a separate story, rating, tags, and all.  I can’t post it here because of the content but I will post a link to AO3. So check it out if you’d like :D

Love you my sweet deers! Thank you for celebrating this week with me! 

[kayteewritessteve]

If Only You Knew - 1/19

Description: You arrive home one day to find a wedding invite for two of your best friends from high school. You knew this day was going to come eventually, but even with that said, you weren’t prepared to return home. At least not after 7 years of avoiding Buckhannon, West Virginia. Or rather, avoiding him; your ex-best friend and the secret love of your life. But maybe it was finally time to face your past, to face him, and everything else that happened on that horrible night. Who would have knew that your prom would end up being a total disaster, and the very last night you’d spend in Buckhannon for the next 7 years? you certainly didn’t. That’s for sure.

Catch up HERE.

Word Count: 6,790 ish. This one is a giant, you’ll get that reference soon! ;)

Pairing: Modern!Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Violence. Drinking. Flashbacks to moments of abuse and near rape. Possible triggering thoughts, feelings and emotions. Moments of bullying and harsh name calling. Lots of curse words. And a very sloooow burn.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

Posting this chapter now, instead of the 14th because I’m weak and impatient! Hahaha.

FYI. I few things to know before you start. This chapter will be the hardest one to get through, IMO. And I have used both the Marvel movie characters and a few from the comics, but I decided to keep the antagonist and friends as OC’s. This story will flip back and forth from readers POV and Steves, each chapter. Oh, and also, this is a total AU, so I have created familys and backgrounds for all the Marvel characters. So just go along with those! Haha. But anywho, I hope you enjoy the ride!

January 2018.

As you began to trudge up the stairs to your third floor Boston apartment, you cram your mail into your over the shoulder bag for safe keeping. The same mail you had just retrieved from your mailbox, located right inside the front doors of your apartment building.

The building itself wasn’t anything special, it had a basic cream stucco exterior, with outdated features. There was minimal decor in the lobby aside from a couple fake floor plants and an ungodly large gold framed mirror, that sat hanging on the ugly ivory coloured walls. The elevator in the lobby was the same metal gold colour as the mirrors frame which also matched the mailboxes, and the frame around the front door. They all looked like they had never been updated in the 30 years since the apartment was built.

Speaking of outdated, the elevator had clearly also never been replaced, the thing was older than you. You’d vowed to never use the damn thing ever again after it had gotten stuck, within a week of you moving in. And yes, it had broken down with you trapped, alone, inside it. Long story short, a few handsome men from the local fire department had to come rescue your ass, but that was after almost 3 hours of you sitting on the floor, of the malfunctioning death trap. 3 hours you spent alone in a damn elevator before anyone even realized you were there. No, you and the elevator were not friends. Stairs were much smarter, much less likely to kill you in a freak accident, and helped keep your butt lookin’ good. Or at least that’s what you told yourself every time you’d find yourself standing at the bottom of them.

You reached your suite’s door, which was located on the left, at the very end of a long hall. You had lucked out and gotten a west facing corner unit, which gave you more windows and glorious sunshine in the afternoon. Though, being that it was mid January, the sunny days were few and far between. You grabbed your keys out of your bag and unlocked the door, as you walked in you pulled your bags strap over your head and set it on the kitchen counter. Your foot gently tapped the door closed, then you toed off your shoes and headed for your bedroom. The apartment wasn’t anything fancy either, the walls were all basic white and the fixtures were older, but you made it your home nonetheless.

You changed into some comfy clothes then headed into the kitchen to grab your bag off the counter, having a few tests to finish grading before you could fully relax for the night. Being a middle school teacher was both challenging and rewarding, but you loved every second of it. You had only been a full time teacher for about 6 months now, but you couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Your students had become such a huge part of your life, feeling almost like having a bunch of nieces and nephews around all day. They were a handful somedays, but you adored them all, and saw the true potential in every one of them.

You plopped down on the couch and opened your bag, pulling out the folder with the tests you needed to grade. As you did the mail you had picked up on your way in, fell out of your bag and onto the floor. You reached down to pick them up then started to sift through them, mostly all bills, as per usual. However, then your eyes landed on a beautiful embossed ivory envelope in the stack. You put the other mail down and turned it over in your hands. It had a ruby red ribbon tied around it, near the end width wise. The envelope was sealed with the initials ‘N&B’ pressed into red wax on the back. You slipped the ribbon off and broke the wax seal, pulling out a gorgeous ivory card with black and red cursive writing. It was clearly a wedding invitation. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t expected this invite to show up one day, they had both basically been made for each other. You’d never known two people who worked better together than they did. Or at least, two people in an actual relationship who worked that well together.

“So Nat and Bucky are finally making it official,” you said out loud to yourself as there was no one else in your apartment, “took them fucking long enough.” You laughed. But then abruptly stopped when the realization hit you. The only way you could attend this wedding was to return home, to Buckhannon.

Your eyes sought out the wedding date, partially hoping it would be an inconvenient time and you could use it as an excuse. But another part of you also hoped you could maybe attend, that this could maybe be your excuse. You counted quickly in your head, it was 6 months from now, so mid July, and by that time it would be damn near 7 years since you’d left. 7 years since you had last stepped foot in that small town. And 7 years since that awful night that drove you away from the town ….and him…

July 2011 - 6 ½ years ago.

You arrived at the outdoor prom after party, on the arm of your date, Brock. He had asked you almost two weeks ago to prom but you had stalled for a week, that is until you heard the news, and finally agreed to go with him. Knowing full well it was your only option now. Well, aside from going alone that is.

As the night continued on, Brock insisted on constantly supplying you with booze, all night. It became like his damn life’s mission to make sure your drink was always full and to your lips. You weren’t a big drinker, so you knew you’d be fall down drunk in no time, at the rate things were going. So whenever he’d turn his back to you, to talk to someone or whatever, you’d dump most of your drink out. Followed by quickly bringing it to your lips to act like you had actually chugged it. Always receiving an amused smirk from Brock, each time he thought you’d polished off half your drink in one go.

Your eyes would often drift over to the other side of the party, off near the tree line, where your so called best friend stood with his date. And each time they did, you’d take an actual chug of your drink then avert your eyes, before anyone noticed you staring. How he could come here with her pissed you off. He knew how she treated you. The hell she put you through. Yet, here he was, with her. Fucking Madeleine. Or ‘Madi’ as only her inner circle called her.

She had single handedly made it her high school mission to make your life a miserable hell. And she had been pretty damn successful at it. You didn’t think you’d have made it through high school if it wasn’t for Wanda, Nat, Hilde, Clint, Sam, Bucky and Steve. Though, if you were being honest, Steve was the true reason you had made it through.

From basically the moment you both had met, he had always been there for you. He’d quickly became your best friend—that is until recently. Your eyes wandered back over to him and Madeleine again, standing near the tree line, talking to Madi’s friends. You couldn’t even begin to describe in words how much you loathed Madeleine. You hadn’t even realized you were glaring at her till something beside her shifted and caught your eye. You flicked them over and they locked instantly on to his. Steves. He was watching you. For how long? Who fucking knows. But he had seen you looking, that much you knew. Shit!

You quickly turned your head to face Brock again, taking a generous gulp of your drink as you did. Brock smirked at that and you gave him a tight lipped smile in return. You had just been caught aggressively shooting daggers at your best— was he even still that? Let’s go with just ‘friend’ for now— at your ‘friends’ prom date. Or as you liked to call her, the She-Witch aka your archenemy. Fucking Madeleine Karlington—

“How you doing?” Brock’s voice cut through your thoughts, and you instantly felt kinda bad for basically ignoring him all night, while you jealously seethed over Steve bringing Madeleine to prom.

“Good,” you said and faked a happy smile.

“I mean, how are you feeling?” He asked as he gestured to the drink in your hand.

“Oh,” you clued in to what he meant, then nodded, “Drunk.” You lied as you realized he currently thought you had actually been drinking all the beverages. You know, the ones he had been supplying you throughout the whole night. Or rather, the whole after party.

“Good,” he nodded, “do you need another?”

You shook your head and lifted up your red solo cup to show him it was still like half full. Then your eyes wandered again, except this time they widened slightly once they reached their targets. Madeleine was now facing Steve, and just as you locked onto their figures, she basically pounced and started aggressively making out with him. You saw him tense up upon impact, you assumed it was just from the shock of her abrupt assault. Your eyes narrowed as you watched, telling yourself to look away but you just couldn’t do it. You couldn’t peal your eyes from them, it was like a car crash and you were watching as it happened. Your morbid curiosity getting the better of you.

After a few seconds Steve pulled away from the kiss, and removed Madi’s arms from around his neck. His eyes then snapped over to you and it instantly broke the weird trance you had been in. You clenched your jaw then turned back to Brock.

If Steve was going to be here and be all over his date, then why shouldn’t you do the same? This was your prom night after all, you had a date just like he did, why shouldn’t you also take advantage of that. And you really shouldn’t be this fucking affected by him kissing someone else, but you were. This 2 year long crush was getting really fucking old. Really fucking fast.

Still feeling Steve’s eyes drilling into you, you decided to give him the show now. It was petty and childish, and you knew that. But in all honesty, you also knew it would never have had the same effect on him, not like him kissing her had had on you. But you hoped it might at least piss him off, even if it was only in a brotherly type of way. That’s basically what your friendship was, you were the lovesick girl, pinning over the boy she could never have. Dreaming about him and the love story that you’d never share. All while he was the boy that saw you like a little fucking sister, and that was it. So you kept your feelings to yourself, buried them down deep, and pretended like they didn’t exist. That is till something would trigger them and force them to bubble to the surface. Much like right fucking now.

You grabbed Brock by the back of the neck and pulled him into a spur of the moment kiss, pulling back a few seconds later as your fingers flew up to touch your lips. In your jealous rage, you had just given away your very first kiss to Brock. Completely forgetting that’s exactly what it would be, your first kiss. It was nothing like you had imagined, and it wasn’t very good at all. Nor was it with the person you’d dreamed it would have been with. Damnit. Way to fucking go.

“What was that for?” Brock asked with a raised brow.

“Nothing,” You shrugged nonchalantly, trying to play it off as less then it actually was to you. “Just felt like it.”

“Wanna go for a walk?” He asked.

You quickly glanced over at Steve, who was now glaring at you, he looked fucking pissed. He also knew that had been your first kiss. But let’s be honest, he knew everything about you. More so than any other person. Well, maybe besides your dad. His fists were balled up tight at his sides and before you could analyze any further, Steve abruptly started to stomp towards you. Your plan had both worked and backfired, all at the same time. And if he reached you, it was not going to be pretty, nor would it be a fun little ‘chat’. No, you had fucked up and he was very much going to tell you exactly how much. Like always. Shit!

You frantically turned and grabbed Brock’s hand, “Yes!” You said a little to loudly. Who are you kidding, you damn near screamed it. “Let’s go for a walk!” Then you started to drag him towards the woods, in an attempt to get as far away from Steve, and the ‘brotherly’ talk he was about to dump on you. That was his way, if you ever stepped out of line in his eyes, he’d fucking tell you. In thee most annoying and dad like way he could. Yes, he acted more like an older brother but when he’d lecture you it was more like a dad. It frustrated the hell out of you, as you already had one awkward, and overbearing father. You didn’t need another. Especially not fucking Steve, not the secret love of your life. No fucking thank you.

You dragged Brock some ways into the woods then stopped abruptly. Feeling like you had gone far enough, you spun around to face him now. He had that stupid amused smirk on his face, again—Okay, that was a little harsh, it wasn’t ‘stupid’, you were just clearly cranky from everything that had just happened.

“So what do we do now?” He asked.

“Ah,” Your brows knitted together, you hadn’t really thought that far ahead. “We could ah, get to know each other a little better? I barely know anything about you.” You paused as you thought it over a bit more then smiled, “Oh! I know! We could play 21 questions!”

He shook his head, “I think we can figure out a better way to ‘get to know each other’.” He smirked and you furrowed your brows in confusion, not really sure what he was implying.

“What did you have in mind?” You asked.

He started to step towards you and in turn you stepped back, trying to keep a bit of distance between you both. But then you backed right up into a tree, with him now only inches away from you. “I’ll show you.”

“Oh, that’s alright,” you waved a hand dismissively, “I don’t think you need to do that—“ But he cut you off as he damn near jumped at you, his lips crashed into yours and his hands started to roam your body, as his hips pinned you to the tree. You had been caught off guard originally but then you landed your palms on his chest and forcefully pushed him. He barely moved though, as he was much bigger than you. But you managed to move him just enough, to gain the space to turn your head away from him. “Please get off of me.” You requested firmly. However, he ignored you and didn’t move away, he just continued his advances on you.

“Brock! Get your hands off me!” You commanded, your voice was rising now. Panic was starting to sink in, he was so much stronger than you, and if you couldn’t get him to stop soon, he may not stop at all.

He finally tilted his head back to look at you, “Oh, so you can put out for every other guy in school, but you won’t put out for the one that takes you to prom?”

You were momentarily taken aback by his comment. What the fuck— “What are you even talking about?!”

“I heard all the stories Y/N, I know what type of girl you actually are. So no need to play coy.” Before you could answer he was back on you, crushing his lips into yours and pulling at your dress. You realized asking him clearly wasn’t working, so you attempted to push him away again. This time as hard as you could, which again was futile. So you started to scream and thrash against him and his advances.

Your screaming instantly caught in your throat when you felt him shift and he forcefully grabbed your upper arm, yanking you away from the tree and throwing you to the ground. And fucking hard at that. Then he stepped over you, “Shut up, would ya? Someone is going to hear you!” He seethed.

“Good!” You defiantly yelled and started to scream again. He raised his hand up and backhanded you across the face, the shock of the hit abruptly shutting you up, as your hand flew up to cover your cheek. The tears started to well in your eyes from the sting of the hit.

Then he started to pull at your dress again and your blood ran cold as you realized where this was all going. “B-brock, please, please don’t do this. Please stop,” you begged, “I don’t know what you heard but I haven’t ever slept with anyone before.” And that was the truth. You hadn’t even so much as dated a guy, let alone slept with one. Hell, tonight had been your first kiss for crying out loud. All through high school no one had ever even so much as paid attention to you, at least not romantically, let alone slept with you. Brock was the first guy to ever even ask you out, granted it was to prom, so not an official date, but still—Shit, not the fucking point right now! No, right now you were wholeheartedly regretting ever accepting his offer. He was clearly not the boy you had thought he was.

“That’s not what I heard—��� he started to say but was cut off when a giant form came out of fucking nowhere and grabbed Brock by the back of his shirt, yanking him away from you and flinging him in the opposite direction.

“She said no!” The giant form yelled and you instantly recognized the voice. It was Steve. He was here now. Thank god.

Brock quickly pulled himself up to his feet, “Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck’s your problem, Steve?”

“Do I look like I’m fucking kidding? I warned you, Brock. Not once but fucking twice!” Steve growled out. “And my problem is, is that she told you to fucking stop, more than once, yet you continued anyways, you piece of shit!” He spat out.

“Will you just fuck off already, Steve! Your just jealous that I stole your whore for the night!” He spit back.

Steve punched him in the face, and fucking hard at that. “Don’t you fucking call her that!”

Brock stumbled back a few feet from the hit, regaining his balance quickly as his hand wiped the blood from his mouth, “I just call them as I see them. And that’s what she is!” He stepped up into Steve’s face, clearly unaware of Steves track record in fights, he never lost. And he had damn near a foot on Brock. “I heard all the stories about the guys she has slept with, Steve. So obviously your threats didn’t fucking work. And I forked out all this money to bring her ass to prom, the least she could do is fucking put out!” And Brock saying that was clearly the last straw for Steve, as he lunged at him, tackling him to the ground. As they both hit the ground Steve quickly straddled Brock’s waist and started punching him with both fists, alternating.

After a few seconds you realized he wasn’t going to stop, you had only ever seen him this mad once before and he damn near killed the kid. Luckily for the boy, Bucky and Sam had been there to pull Steve off before he could do any fatal damage. “Fuck!” You yelled as you jumped up and scrambled over to them. As much as you felt Brock deserved this beatdown, it wasn’t going to end just a beatdown. No, Steve wouldn’t stop, and you couldn’t let him kill someone. Especially not for of you, or, because of you. “Steve!” You screamed as you tried to pull him off Brock, “Stop!”

You grabbed one of his massive arms, but he abruptly slammed his elbow back into your stomach, clearly trying to break the hold of whoever was currently attempting to stop him. You went flying backwards into the ground, “Steve!” You gasped as you did. It was then that his punches halted completely and his head whipped around to look at you. His face was twisted in anger for a couple seconds, then instantly softened when he realized it was you he had elbowed, you were the one trying to stop him.

“Y/N!” He yelled as he jumped up off the now bloodied Brock and ran over to you. Brock took this opportunity to get up off the ground, “Screw this! That slut isn’t worth it!” He spat then hightailed it back towards the party. But Steve didn’t even take notice of Brocks exit, or his comment towards you, as he was to focused in you now. But you’d heard it.

Once he reached you he crouched down in front of you, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, Y/N. Are you okay?!” He looked you over for a moment then froze, his eyes locked on part of your body. A blush quickly covered his face then he shook his head. “Shit,” he said as he abruptly stood up and turned around. You looked down and saw that Brock had managed to rip part of your dress and snapped one of the straps, so now most of your bra covered chest was exposed. You quickly brought your arms up over your upper body in an attempt to conceal yourself.

Steve still just stood, with his back to you, as he removed his tux jacket and held it out behind himself, towards you. “Here,” he said as he wiggled it at you.

You stood up and took the jacket, putting your arms in the sleeves and wrapping it tightly around your body. It was massive on you and ended damn near at your knees. While the sleeves well surpassed your hands, making you look like you didn’t even have hands at all. Basically you were swimming in it. “Okay. All covered,” you said quietly.

He turned around then stepped closer to you, cautiously, “Are you sure you’re okay? Did he-did he hurt you?” He nervously asked as he went to reach out to you.

You flinched away and waved him off, not really wanting to be touched at the moment, even by him. “I-i’m okay. He ah, he didn’t get the chance to,” you trailed off as your eyes welled up again. You knew you couldn’t finish that sentence, not without bursting into tears at least. Then you cleared your throat and whispered, “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks to you.”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry I didn’t get here sooner,” You could hear the guilt in his voice but then it quickly changed to frustration. “But what were you even thinking coming out here alone, with Brock of all people!?”

Had it been anyone else treating you like this, at a moment like this, you would have snapped on them. But this was just how Steve was with you, and you were entirely used to it. He was the only one you allowed to be this way with you, he had earned this right, a hundred times over. Tonight adding yet another reason as to why he was allowed to. “I just,” you tried to defend your actions but trailed off, as you realized you’d have to admit that seeing Steve and Madeleine kiss had made you so jealous. Jealous enough to stupidly isolate yourself with a guy you barely knew. You shook your head then lowered it. Admitting defeat, “I clearly wasn’t.”

The sound of small branches snapping made you look back up. He had stepped closer to you, now only about a foot away. And his whole demeanour had softened. His eyes dropped from yours, down to your lips then back up to meet yours again. You knew he wanted to bring up you kissing Brock, and probably scold you for foolishly wasting your first kiss on an assclown like him. He opened his mouth to speak, and you prepared yourself for the brotherly scolding he was about to unleash, but then he snapped it closed again. And to your luck, and slight dismay, he didn’t say a word about it. He just turned his head away from you then sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with one of his large hands. “Why did you agree to come to prom with him?” He looked back at you.

You scoffed, “I didn’t really have any other options, Steve. It was either go with Brock or go by myself.” You crossed your arms, you clearly hadn’t managed to avoid all the brotherly scolding. Just some of it.

“Why didn’t you tell me he had asked you again?” He shook his head, “I had to hear it from everyone but you. I thought we were closer than that.”

“Again?” You asked quietly, confused by what he meant by that. Your brows knitted together momentarily, but then the rest of what he had just fucking said started to sink in, and your blood began to boil. Is he being fucking serious right now?! He wants to talk about ‘thought we were closer’?! About ‘why I didn’t tell him’?!—

“You’re fucking kidding, right?” You gaped, wide eyed, “When could I have told you, Steve? Huh? Fucking when?!” Your voice rising with each word. You scoffed again, “And you thought we were closer than that?! How do you think I felt!” You shook your head.

He looked taken aback, his eyes widened at your outburst, you’d never raised your voice at him before. Not once had you ever had a reason to, at least before tonight. His brows furrowed, “What are you talking about, Y/N?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” you replied sarcastically, “maybe the fact that you’ve been ignoring me for 2 fucking weeks! Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell you about Brock!” You started to pace, you weren’t thinking about what just happened to you anymore, you were seeing red at how your so-called best friend, the secret love of your life, could just up and drop you like it was nothing. Like you were nothing. “And then you have the audacity to say ‘I thought we’re closer than that’!” you mimicked Steve’s stupid voice as best as you could, “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“It’s not like that Y/N, and you know it.” He sighed and hung his head, quietly adding, “I didn’t ignore you because I wanted to.” But you barely heard the end of what he said, the anger and hurt you were feeling was too distracting.

“Oh?” You abruptly stopped pacing, “It’s not like that?” You stomped passed him to where your clutch was laying on the ground, picking it up and opening it to get your phone out. You turned back to face Steve, who was watching your every move, as you stabbed in your passcode and aggressively tapped the screen till you had opened your text window with him. “That’s funny because you haven’t responded to a single text from me in 13 days. 13 fucking days, Steve!” You turned the phone screen to faced him, then you scrolled up to show all the texts you had sent. A few everyday, yet not a single reply from him. “So please, enlighten me as to ‘what it’s like’ and ‘what I know’!”

He stepped towards you and grabbed your phone from you, “I only ignored you to protect you!” He clicked the lock button then grabbed your clutch and threw your phone back in it, snapping it shut.

“Protect me? HA!” You laughed bitterly as you snatched your clutch back from him. “My best friend, my fucking rock, the only person who got me through fucking high school, drops me like I mean nothing and I’m supposed to believe it was to protect me?!” You flung your arms up in the air, “That’s the stupidest thing I have ever fucking heard!” then you spun around and headed back to the party, or rather, headed back to the exit so you could call your dad to come pick you up.

“Y/N wait!” He yelled as he ran to catch up to you, “Just hear me out—“

You spun around to face him, “No!” You yelled as you pointed a finger in his face. “You don’t get to ignore me for almost 2 weeks, then bring the one girl in school, who made my life fucking hell, to prom and expect me to stand here and listen to you tell me it was all to protect me!”

He glared at you, and you could tell instantly that he was now just as pissed as you were, or at least close to it. You knew him better than anyone, your words had angered him, just like his had angered you. “Oh, so that is what this is all about? Me bringing Madi to prom? You’re only pissed at me right now because of just that?” He scoffed and crossed his arms, turning his face away from you. You glared at him. He was so fucking dense!

“That’s a huge part of it, yes! But not the only fucking reason!”

Then he lowered his arms slowly and turned to look back down at you. When he spoke it was calmer, almost curious. “Why? Why are you so pissed I brought her?”

You opened your mouth then snapped it shit again and furrowed your brows. Because I love you. But you couldn’t tell him that, especially not in a moment like this. So you told him the only thing you could think of, “nope, I lied, that is the only reason, and it’s because she made my life hell, Steve. Fucking hell. And you, more than anyone, knows that. Yet you still took HER, of all fucking people.”

“I had too,” He urged, “I had no fucking choice.”

“Bullshit.” You mumbled and shook your head wildly, you had now reached the ‘fuck it’ stage of being mad, you were no longer yelling. You were done with this conversation and maybe even this friendship. He had basically betrayed you when he picked her over you. “You weren’t forced to bring her, you asked her. Big difference.” You said in a surprisingly calm manor. You turned around again, needing to put as much distance between you and Steve right now as you fucking could.

“Please, Y/N, just hear me out,” he pleaded.

“No, I’m done,” you said over your shoulder as you started to walk away. You went to pull out your phone to call your dad. But before you could you felt a large hand gently, but firmly, grab your elbow, urging you to turn around. You reluctantly did and came face to face with Steve’s stupid blue eyes again. Sadness and fear swimming in them now. You figured it was because you’d never been mad at him before, he clearly wasn’t taking it well.

“Y/N, please—“ he started but was cut off by an irritating sound nearby. The one voice that would always instantly make you tense up and send a chill down your spine. Both things you did in this exact moment, when you heard her speak.

“Y/N, what are you doing with my boyfriend?” Madeleine sneered.

You shut your eyes tightly and took a deep calming breath. Trying to will yourself to not react to her words. Or rather to her straight up claiming Steve as her own.

“We aren’t datin—“ Steve started but this time you cut him off.

“Absolutely nothing, Madeleine,” you replied as you opened your eyes and looked over at her, with an obviously fake smile plastered on your face, then you turned and made eye contact with Steve, “He’s all yours.” And with that you yanked your arm from his hold then spun on your heels. You didn’t miss the hurt in Steve’s eyes at your words though. You knew your last comment had cut him deep, but you were done being second best. Done pinning over a boy you’d never have. Done with this whole fucking town and everyone in it.

You called your dad and the second you got off the phone with him you burst into tears. This had been hands down the worst night of your life to date. You’d been betrayed, attacked, tossed aside and humiliated. And almost all of those things were done to you by your so called ‘best friend’. By your first love. By the one person you never expected that from, the one person who had promised to always have your back. Yet, in the end he didn’t, not truly. He had ignored you for 2 weeks, 2 fucking weeks. You clearly didn’t mean a damn thing to him.

10 minutes later your dad pulled up and you quickly tried to wipe away the tear smudged makeup from your face. Knowing that it was futile as it was probably quite obvious that you’d been crying. That thought was answered when you got in the truck, and he instantly started asking questions as to why you were in a tux jacket, and why you’d been crying. You told him you didn’t want to talk about it, but assured him that you were okay and nothing happened. He didn’t want to drop it at first, but you looked over at him and simply said, “North Korea”. He narrowed his eyes at you, then sighed turning to look out the front window as he put the truck in gear and began to drive home.

You and him had come up with this ‘safe word,’ of sorts, when you were around 14. It was your dad's idea, he had told you that if you ever needed a ride, or to be picked up from somewhere you didn’t feel safe, that he always would. Regardless of if you were drunk, high or whatever. But if you didn’t want to tell him exactly why you needed to be picked up, all you had to do was say ‘North Korea’. And he would never ask about it again. He said it worked as no one ever knows anything about that country, unless they release the information themselves. And no one really ever asks. That was exactly what it stood for. No questions and no talking about it.

Once you both got home, you ran up to your room and slammed your window shut then locked it. You were not interested in Steve sneaking into your room tonight to ‘talk’ it out. That was a regular occurrence throughout the years. He snuck into your room often, it was always completely innocent, and occasionally he’d pass out on your floor, but usually he would just come and talk to you, after a particularly difficult day. He’d normally stay till you got everything out or passed out, whichever came first, then he’d climb back out your window and go home. Or at least most of the time.

The first time your dad had caught him passed out on the floor, he woke you both up and escorted Steve down to the front door. You couldn’t make out everything said but you did hear your dad tell him to not make a habit of this, and if you absolutely needed him to stay over, he was to ‘keep his hands to himself or else’. It was fucking awkward, but nowhere near as awkward as the rambling sex and protection talk he had with you directly after Steve left. Which was hilarious, as Steve was probably the very last guy on earth who would want to sleep with you. Finally you’d had enough of the talk and actually yelled, “I’m still a virgin dad! and probably will be till I’m fucking 80!” Then you stormed off to your room. God, what you wouldn’t give to have mom back for the dreaded ‘birds and the bees’ talk. She was always so much better at this stuff then your dad. He was a bumbling mess most of the time, but he loved you and you loved him. You were all each other had now a days, since she died.

That night you passed out on the couch, surprisingly fast. Probably because you had the TV on, some random infomercial drowning on in the background. That always helped you sleep, it was your plan B option, if your plan A couldn’t come over that night.

You woke up early in the morning to the TV off and a note from your dad saying there was breakfast in the oven, but that he had to run to the shop to deal with a few things but he’d be back shortly. When he got home an hour later, you’d spent the whole time thinking and ignoring your phone. Or rather, the endless calls and texts from your friends and Steve. You ended up blocking Steve’s number shortly after you woke up, just so your phone would shut up.

You’d sat your dad down, and asked if you could go stay with your Aunt Carol, in Boston for the summer. You reasoned that she was closer to Hartford University, which was where you’d been accepted to, and would be starting up classes in the fall. So you’d be able to travel down and check out the campus whenever you’d like. He wasn’t a huge fan of the idea, or maybe it was more the fact that you’d conveniently brought this up, the day after he had picked you up crying, in a ripped prom dress, and obviously Steve’s tux jacket. But North Korea had been called, so he couldn’t ask nor bring that up. He called your Aunt to ask her permission, you heard her excited screaming through the phone, from a totally different room. Clearly that was a yes. Then you ran upstairs and packed your bags, you only packed what you’d need for the summer. As you’d come back and fully pack up for school, closer to classes starting.

Though, unbeknownst to you as you loaded up your bags into your dads truck, so he could drive you to the bus depot, this would be the last time you stepped foot in this town for almost 7 years. Your dad would end up packing up all your belongings and driving the 11 hours to drop them off to you before school started.

But you got on the bus to Boston, waving goodbye to your dad as it pulled away. And watching as the small town of Buckhannon, West Virginia slowly drifted into the horizon. During the 11 hour ride you texted all your friends, explaining that you had left town for the summer, well all except one. They were all pretty butt hurt at first that you didn’t even say goodbye. But they would soon learn the truth of what had happened with both Brock and Steve, as gossip always spread like wildfires in small towns. Especially Buckhannon, with it’s population of just shy of 6,000. And after that they all understood 100% why you left. You kept in touch with them over the years. Well, all except one.

January 2018.

Your fingers ghosted over the words on the wedding invitation, the wedding date being almost 6 months away meant it landed smack dab in the beginning of summer break. You’d be off work and maybe it was finally time to return home. Maybe it was finally time to face everyone. To face him. You had no idea how that was going to play out, but before you could talk yourself out of it, you typed the RSVP link into your phone’s browser. And quickly filled out the small form, selecting just you and no date, then hit send. Whelp, there it is. You had officially RSVP’d and were now obligated to go back. There was no avoiding it now …..Fuuuck. What have I done?!

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[tinyfaeble]

Quarantales: bonsai moments

The pandemic has brought drastic and painful changes and challenges to our lives. Everyday, I read and watch heartbreaking news and stories of people suffering so much because of the government's actions (and lack thereof). I can't help but feel dejected--- I wish I could do more, contribute and help, and not just be able to share news and stories online.

Before Covid-19 hit us, I had a busy routine. I work from Monday to Friday, 7:30AM until 9:00PM, and on weekends, I always had something to work and catch up on for graduate school. If not, I always find something to do to keep me distracted on the rare occasions that I have nothing to do. Yes, I complained a lot about the work that I had to do. But it was a routine that I had gotten so used to already. I have found comfort in my routine. It kept me distracted from a lot of things--- mostly from thoughts that I refused to entertain for so long. Now, with no job and no school but so much time in my hands, running away from it is impossible and the only thing there is to do is to face it head on.

I'd like to think that I am slowly working on facing my thoughts and emotions that I have avoided for a long time. Trying to muster the courage to acknowledge them, especially the ones that I couldn't even bear to entertain myself. I hope that once we get out of this lockdown, I'd have confronted those suppressed thoughts and emotions, too.

For now, I have a bunch of people whom I am very grateful to. They are the family that I chose. And I am filled with bliss, gratefulness, and hope because of the love and kindness that they extended to me ever since the start of this tough time. Every time I feel so hopeless and the urge to finally disappear is strong, I go back to these moments... I remind myself of these bonsai moments. They make me want to hold on. These little gestures had great impact in my life. Sometimes it is the little things that matter so much indeed. Constant little gestures can affect us greatly--- it can save us, too.

bonsai moments:

- I finally had time to go over my "tbr" pile. My first read was "Where'd You Go, Bernadette" and this was a book I had for over a year now. Although I had time then, the looming thought that I had other things to do before made me not want to read it just yet. I feel guilty everytime I feel the urge to prioritize pleasure reading then when I had an RRL that needed revisions and downloaded pdfs that I haven't even bothered to open (hahaha).

- Marlyn's digital art skills. I love them. I find them really cute and the thought that she remembered me enough to bother to make one of me. She also made a few more of me with Therese, Sofia, and herself. It made me miss them a little extra that day. It also reminded me of how much I'll miss working with them. Their company during my time at BRIGHT helped me stay sane and made my teaching experience there bearable and more fun. <3

- My binge-eating sessions with Ate Geianne. Our very first goal was to pig out with Topokki Man delivery. This binge-eating session sort of become a weekly thing and I enjoy it every time. I have always been fond of eating and trying out new dishes, ate Geianne is awesome at this. Most of the new food I get to try is usually her recommendations and I have no regrets everytime. :D

[kittenshift-17]

Yaayy, a possibility to ask Kittenshift!:) Ok, here are my picks, first from 51 questions: 17, 37, 50, and from asks for fanfic writers: 13, 21, 23 48 (with spoilers for Undisclosed Desires and Silver Dragon, :P) Thanks so much for your answers, I am really curious about them!:)

FROM THE 51 QUESTIONS:

17. Do you respect your government and the way your country is run?

Currently, no, not really. The elected parties keep fucking themselves over, staging coups within that same party, and overall thinking only about the fame of becoming Prime Minister and the short term stemming of the media tide. No one is thinking long term, and as a result, instead of having the same Minister for the entire term, we have 2 or 3, meaning we have to pay double or triple the salaries for PM pension upon them being voted out. We’re yoyoing between Left and Right, so any long term plans that could be laid for aged-care, climate change, the environment, infrastructure, etc. are all being rehashed and tossed out every time the parties switch. We need to return to what we had in place when I was young, when we had 3 terms of the Howard government. Things actually got done. Our national and international debts got sorted. Long-term goals were achieved. This involvement of the media in every little crevice within politics, and the politics themselves is killing the country as a whole. Both parties are losing the respect of voters, and what’s worse, their antics are losing us merit and respect abroad, too. 

37. Is death scarier than life?

Yes and no. In some ways, the unknown answer of what really lies beyond is terrifying. I’ve been under anaesthesia enough times to know that if all there is beyond this life is that dark void, then yes, it’s terrifying. Depending on one’s own faith, there are several other options. Personally, I like to think there are options. Choose the Elysian Fields and live out your eternity in peace, or potentially reincarnate and give this whole rat-race another whirl. Those options appeal to me the most. 

50. What keeps you going each day?

Tea. hahaha. A good strong cup of tea drags me out of bed each day. That, and my partner. Without him I’d be a very sad, very lonely person. I think, too, that my writing drags me out of bed and keeps me going each day. There have been a few times over the past few years when I consider making a dumb decision that could prove dangerous/fatal, and I remind myself that some my readers would likely be as devastated as my family if some ill befell me and I never finished a bunch of my fics. LOL. 

FROM THE ASKS FOR FANFIC WRITERS:

13. Hardest Character to Write?

I tend to avoid the most difficult ones. LOL. I really struggle with writing Voldemort and Dumbledore. Another tough one is Severus. All three are such complex characters that it’s often difficult to get the tone of them just write, and I hate when things feel OOC.

21. Least favourite character to write?

This is a tough one to answer. I like to challenge myself to look at characters from a new perspective and thus, make them appealing to write.... One of my least favourite pairings is Lumione, but individually writing both Lucius and Hermione can, at times, be quite fun as long as they aren’t paired. I don’t particularly like writing Peter, but again, if I write him differently, it’s not so bad. 

23. Least favourite story I’ve ever written?

Such a hard question! I tend to despise whichever fic is the flavour of the month for being nagged and harped at for reviews. LOL. Often that means that Howl for Me and Addicted to You and The Silver Dragon are the ones that really grind my gears and I’ve thought about deleting all of them more than once because the pressure and abuse they incur drives me batty. As fics, I don’t mind them. I don’t mind most of my fics, to be honest. I wouldn’t write them and share them if I didn’t enjoy them.... So I suppose the things that make me dislike them are the antics and attitudes of the people who read them. It’s a real turn off to be screamed at for an update, you know? Like, I don’t want to reward that kind of behaviour, and honestly, don’t want to give that kind of twatty person who leaves such a review, anything at all except maybe a pop in the mouth. 

48. 3 Spoilers for Undisclosed Desires and The Silver Dragon.

I’m beginning to dislike this particular inclusion on the list of asks. Everyone wants bloody spoilers. And y’all just know that if I give them to you in any real way, you’ll review less, or even stop reading. Not much of an incentive....

 - Spoiler 1 for Undisclosed Desires.... so far there has only been mention of, and no interaction with Ron. That will change.

 - Spoiler 2 for The Silver Dragon... The mole is the last person you’re all expecting.

- Spoiler 3 for Undisclosed Desires.... Y’all know that, eventually, Hermione is going to go to him.  

[cynicaldesire]

I’m not living up to their expectations, but I’m far exceeding mine. And that’s good enough for me.

Went to Ube for the Thanksgiving dinner one of the shopowners have every year. He runs a sushi place, but for one day in November, he invites all the foreigners to enjoy a Thanksgiving dinner since they can’t on their own. No families or ovens or turkeys available at a basic Japanese grocery.

So we go there and I’m nervous, but not as nervous as I would have been 6 months ago, which I didn’t realize until after we were on our way back home. We encountered a random English speaking woman on the train headed that direction, a woman who loved Toronto, who was divorced, who studied psychology and wanted to go back to Toronto. She was nice, added us on Line and then we had to change trains so we lost track of each other. So it was kinda good practice?

Then we took a nap on the next train. But we made it to the Thanksgiving venue and started chatting with people.

And this is where it starts going downhill. For me.

Most of the foreigners in Japan require a Visa, which means you have a job. I don’t, and before I came here, I didn’t. So most introductions consist of your name and occupation. I do my best to stay quiet because I’m so fucking terrible at conversation that I just avoid it altogether and look at my husband. He can field these things way better, having a higher CHA stat and doing it for work. But he still looks to me to answer or I want to clarify important things, or they want me to answer directly.

So my occupation is normally “Wife of Drew” now. Which then gets either surprise from people that know him, or a funny look and further questions of “What did you used to do?” or “What will you do when you go home”. Neither of which I have an answer for. I am a housewife. I enjoy housewifing. I enjoy not having much to do except vacuum, cook, clean, and love my husband. (Mostly because I’ve been stuck in a toxic hellhole, but it’s hard to convey that in a brief, shouted conversation at a busy party.)

At least one guy had the wherewithall to ask if I had hobbies. I enjoy writing, I might want to do that professionally, then he snarked over the fact that I’m American because he doesn’t know the distance between Georgia and Texas just like I don’t know the distance between Melbourne and Sydney. (You’re right, I don’t, but it’s not super necessary to point that out.) (He also joked, when I did the Look At My Watch Thing when I said we’d been together for 10 years that I had a very good watch.) He got called away for cooking duties and everybody else that showed up, because I’m not used to social interaction, got mostly dumb but hopefully friendly looks from me because I don’t know how to start or continue conversations. Probably because my family just keeps fucking talking so I just let them go unless I have something to say.

One girl sat down to chat with us and her boyfriend was at another table speaking in Japanese with the Japanese people. But he was doing it to the exclusion of other foreigners, so to me he was just being a pretentious douchebag. They had showed up to greet us and he had gotten distracted and wandered away in the middle of me speaking. So that didn’t help. She asked us when we realized we wanted to be together and get married and we didn’t have a good answer because... we haven’t really lived together? We got married so that we could continue living together. So this is the longest. But I figured she was asking so she could have a better idea of how much she loved her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend eventually showed up to chat and my husband did the basic questions of name, occupation, how long have you and her been together. But this guy said something odd: he wanted to go back to the states, probably move to New Hampshire with a bunch of other people in a collective, and study the science of aesthetic? I tried to clarify what he meant, and I think his desire is to find empirical date to research and define a Universal Aesthetic to Make The World A More Beautiful Place. He framed it initially as a desire to force companies like Google to reveal their studies about what users prefer to see on their websites and shit, which I thought was interesting, but I wasn’t interested in finding out about from him. Like, noble cause to force companies to make their marketing research public knowledge for other people to utilize in their own businesses, that’d be rad. But my husband was like Nah, I wanna know what that means for when you get home.

So over the next several minutes, Twiggy Hobo Beard tried to explain shit to my husband who was very much not asking him to explain himself so my husband had to keep fighting him about shit and then eventually realized he had been talked away from the original question of “What does that mean? How does that employ you and make you money?” His girlfriend showed up and we had a very small bond over the fact that they were fighting about art and we only really took 1 art class each and didn’t care this much.

It wasn’t until Twiggy Hobo Beard said his favorite piece of art is duChamp’s Fountain. My husband said he knew what it was and later I found that he didn’t remember it, but I did. For those that don’t know, duChamp’s Fountain is a urinal that has the letters R. MUTT on the edge. We then discover that Twiggy Hobo Beard used to be a Modern Artist that has been displayed in galleries. Which is news to us because he was introduced as a guy that fixed old arcade machines, sound systems, and other electrical shit. Which I am totally down for because my Dad does that.

Come to find out it was all a ruse for this Dada-douchebag.

So they argue back and forth and I’m getting frustrated because it’s fucking stupid and also I don’t care but mostly he’s a pretentious ARTIST. So eventually my husband gives up and the dust settles and he heads to the bathroom. So Twiggy Hobo Beard is left with me. And I stare at him, having no desire to enjoy this man’s company. I’m still trying to accept that my husband just argued hard with this hippy ARTIST who is also a Full Capitalist and blah blah. So he keeps looking at me, expecting me to have some conversation and eventually asks if I play WoW.

No, my family did so I stayed in it longer than it deserved but I don’t play it anymore.  (I had used it as a way to explain something THB was saying earlier, see.)

Eventually he asks what I do/want to do. As I don’t know and I am a terrible liar, but I also wanted to posture that I had done programming, I said that I went to school for code, didn’t like it, and wanted to become a writer instead. But I have no idea if I can do that either.

And he starts asking if I want to just be a housewife forever, if I wanna have kids.

Yeah, I want kids, but it all depends on how my uterus feels that day. Hahaha, I have a disease and it’s uncomfortable to think about.

I don’t remember how this came up, but I said something about how I hate all this rhetoric about hating men, his girlfriend - previously distracted trying to let the shopowner let her make persimmon crumble - turns around and he gleefully says I was telling him about how all men are evil. Which.... I was saying how I hate that rhetoric because all my best friends have been guys and I haven’t been able to make friends with woman. She laughs and says “So you’re a feminist!” And I wanted to kill them.

I have been watching videos on Youtube about capitalism and why it sucks and so I used the verbiage they used of calling the wealthy Reptiles, which prompted them to ask if I watch Alex Jones. It took me a second to register who the fuck that was and then they all started joking about TURNIN’ THE FROGS GAY.

Eventually they got bored with me and my housewife contentment and wandered off. I have spent the rest of the day joyfully hating these people.

They were followed by a couple of nice people that showed up tardy and missed all the not-great food - mostly because nothing I eat will ever be as good as my family’s, so I’m super biased - and they got distracted by not being friends with us. But we entertained them pretty well. My husband’s replacement is French-Canadian and a little weird, but he seems a cool guy, if a little odd.

And on the way home, I realized... while mostly everyone had been casting glances or aspersions on my current lifestyle, I didn’t feel as inadequate or shitty as they wanted me to feel. I’m a housewife, yes, but I’m dieting, I’m exercising, I’m working on my social anxiety. I’m leaving the house, able to climb the damn hills, and when I encounter an issue with the cashiers, I don’t freak out for hours on end. I go through a cycle of I FUCKED UP but it all worked out okay until I stop thinking about it. It hasn’t crippled me. Hell, I went to this party, engaged in conversation that maybe I didn’t do correctly, but I didn’t roll absolute 1s.

So maybe I’m not living up to their expectations, but I’m far exceeding mine. And that’s good enough for me.

[kateanddevinreview]

A Christmas Prince

In Which Kate and Devin review Netflix’s new Christmas movie and utterly fail at avoiding spoilers.

Kate: So where do we start?! Devin: Pick a movie to talk about? Kate: Top of the list is Christmas Prince. It was terrible; from start to finish it was filled with cliches and things that didn't make sense Devin:  I liked the movie! Kate: You can like the movie that is fine. I enjoyed watching the movie? But only because it was so bad. Devin: I really like the izombie girl and she was super weird in this, almost soft spoken or something? Kate: She was weird, but she made it more enjoyable to me just because I like her. Devin: I would probably have been much less forgiving of this movie without her Kate: Prince was handsome, but I've already forgotten his name. Devin: Really? I thought he was eh. Kate: Not as handsome as in the next movie (spoliers!), but he was very princely I thought. Devin: I mean prince looked very british? But I don't find that attractive Kate: I guess I don't mean particularly attractive to me, but generically attractive. As in, I think more people would say he was very attractive than would say he was average. His acting was pretty blah though. His sister's hair was on point? Devin: Fair. She reminded me of the bitchy girl in willy wonka though. Kate: OMG, yes. She was very reminiscent of the bitchy girl. Devin: Was she the bitchy girl? Kate: I don't think she was? But definitely reminded me of her Devin: Hold on I am imdb-ing her Kate: Holding Devin:  Okay well searching “willy wonka and the chocolate factory” failed, because that is not the title. And you're right it's a totally different girl. Devin: Moving on, loved the queen lady, possibly because she's in it for all of 5 minutes. Kate: She was pretty good, very severe looking. But you could tell it was grief? (Spoiler: the king is dead) Devin: It's in the plot description, I don't think it's a spoiler. Kate: Oh is it? I didn't read the plot description. Devin: Also he's been dead for like a year Kate: Well fine Devin: No okay I lied. But it is revealed in like the first 10 minutes. Kate: It is a very major point in the plot. Kate: So actor choice I give it 8 christmas trees. Generally they all fit in and izombie girl made me willing to watch it. Devin: Yeah, out of 10 I'd say 8 is probably where I land too. Kate: Cool, consensus! Devin: I still really love that she has both family and friends and contacts them throughout the movie, like a normal person. Oh! And I liked that she called her boss to be like "hey, so, uh, what should I do?" Kate: That's true, the movie gets bonus points for concocting a real life around their protagonist. Devin: This is not a spoiler I don't think? But what the hell was with the scene where he saves her from wolves? Kate: Yes! That fit in nowhere? Wait, I mean, actually, when you think about how fast the plot moved, it progressed over only 2 weeks and ends with (Definitely spoiler) him proposing. Kate: Maybe attack by wolves was the instigating ‘falling in love quickly’ event? All the adrenaline? Devin: Oh yeah the timeline of this movie makes no sense. Also: how did she saddle and steal that horse if she was going to fall off so easy? Kate: How did she know how to ride a horse at all? Devin: Right? Kate: Clearly we are missing some important backstory here Devin: Was she from New York? Or do I just assume that's where all movie characters from a city live? Kate: I think the second, but I don't actually know where she was from. Her friend being super gay does suggest New York to me though.   Kate: Back to ratings, I'm going to give this one a low grade on Christmas-iness. I think the plot could have progressed absolutely the exact same way without being set over Christmas, using a birthday or something. I give it only 1 reindeer. Do they ever say how the King dies? Devin: I assume either illness or age… actually I feel like the king got cancer, but that could be 100% a lie. Kate: Doesn't matter because it’s not christmas related. Devin: Cold. Did you think the mom was old to have a daughter as young as Emily? I can't actually remember how old she looked. Kate: I really wondered about that. She looked a little old but my dad has a friend who got pregnant at 50, so physically it’s possible. And the sister was what, between 9-12? Devin: Probably Kate: So if mom was 55 in the movie that seems doable Devin: Ok. Also the king was a dick "hehe I will continue to lie to my only son about his parentage, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I AM DYING AND ALSO HE IS A GROWN ASS MAN AND IT AFFECTS THE POLITICS OF MY KINGDOM and then I will HIDE THIS VERY IMPORTANT LEGALLY BINDING DECREE to be found after my death and definitely for sure followed even though honestly no one has to listen to a dead guy. And the only hint they have is my shitty riddle poetry" Kate: I still very much doubt the legality of the paper "it has the king's seal on it" no thank you. That's not how I like my laws made Devin: Like doesn't he need that notarized or looked at by a council or some shit? Also, it's not even a decree, it just says "I love my son lots, just not enough to tell him the truth". Kate: And if he did, wouldn't that person have come forward when he died? So fucking weird, he was a dick, you're right. Devin: What modern day country is this anyway? Kate: A shitty European one. Devin: Like, fake country, yes. But I assumed they were using maybe England as a template or something. Kate: It seemed a little like they were. But a much smaller country than England? Devin: Are there still ruling monarchies? In real life? Kate: Yes? Saudi Arabia? Devin: Hmm, I don't know enough about Saudi Arabian law to determine if death bed messages hidden in acorns are legally binding. Kate: Well, one of their princes just murdered a bunch of their other princes, so probably not. Kate: Oh hey, apparently Monaco is a country that still has a ruling monarch. Devin: Huh Kate: There are others but I don't think we need to get into all that. Just go read the wiki people. Devin: I mentioned while I was watching, but I still resent her dramatic race to stop the coronation when she easily could have called the palace. Kate: You have cellphones! Use them! Devin: It would have saved at *least* half an hour. Kate: Trope! That goes in the trope category. I'm giving the plot like 2 eggnogs, maybe tropes like 4 jingle bells. Devin: Yeah the trope meter was off the scale in this movie. Kate: Like, I liked some of the tropes? Which is why it’s a little higher for me. But damn. All of them. Devin: Tropes can be good, they just threw a lot of them in there. Kate: They made a list of tropes and then made a movie around them. Devin: Clumsy female lead. Kate: Ugh. Hate that. Devin: "hehe oops, was this OBVIOUSLY EXPENSIVE VASE important?" Kate: Everything in a castle is expensive! Sick sister Devin: Mean kid just wants friendship. Kate: Ugh, the mean kid/friendship one is another pet peeve. Devin:  She goes from "I will kill you in your sleep" to "I trust you implicitly" in, like, a single scene. Kate: The sister warmed up to her in like 4 hours! That's not how it works! Have them bond over something silly right to begin with! Many movies do that well. Devin: If you need them to be friends for the plot, just don't make her mean to start! skip straight to friendship! Kate: Yes! Dead father. Dead mother Devin: Secret adoption Kate: Father who owns a restaurant that you have to go work at. Devin: Shaved his beard and suddenly she thinks he's hot Kate: Oh yes! Secretly not a playboy? Devin: Also he stole her taxi for seemingly no reason. Kate: I didn't really get that bit to be honest. Devin: Just to be a dick? Kate: Yeah, that was such a dick move. That was never addressed and she just forgave completely just because he's a prince. Devin: It's like they couldn't decide until halfway through if they wanted him to be nice or not. Also wanting to bone is not the same as love. Kate: Very true. It seemed like it just went on and on to me. I'd be like, surely this movie is wrapping up soon. And then it kept going. Devin: I definitely shouted at you "dear god look in the acorn!" for a solid hour of that movie Kate: You did. Over and over. You picked up on it the very first scene and you were cooking at the same time! Devin: It was so obviously a box! I have honestly no idea where she got the birth certificate from though. Or how bitchy love rival girl found it. I never learned her name Kate: Oh, so she literally just found the birth certificate in a desk at the lodge they went to after the wolves. It might have been a sort of secret compartment? But not very secret. Devin: lol what? Kate: And then bitchy rival girl searched her rooms. Devin: Rude Kate: Which was a huge invasion of privacy. Devin: If I was a secret reporter I would definitely lock that away. Kate: Right! They were like, spread out on her bed. Devin: Then again a 10 year old cracked her laptop password Kate: hahaha, I forgot that part, so dumb, just so dumb. Devin: She's honestly a terrible reporter Kate: Yeah, plot definitely only gets 2 eggnogs. I mean, she wasn't really a reporter. Devin: She sort of was? Kate: She was an editor who wanted to be a reporter. Devin: Yeah, fair. Kate: But clearly she was better at writing than reporting I would say. Devin: She did get the assignment. Kate: Cause no one else was available! Devin: What percentage of her getting that assignment was her boss hoping the prince would sleep with her? Kate: At least 75% Devin: "You lied your way into the palace? Goooooood. I stuffed some condoms in your luggage. No, no reason. Wink." Kate: OMG! Her boss was such a sleeze. Or at least it felt that way to me. Devin: I mean wasn't it a tabloid magazine? Kate: It must have been. Devin: iZombie was very naive. Kate: Soooooooo naive. How? She's an adult. Devin: A very sheltered adult. Kate: She works for a tabloid! Devin: Ok I think maybe it's final scoring time Kate: Ok, you wrap. Tell me how you feel? Devin: Probably a 3/10 for plot, 8/10 for actor choices, 4/10 for acting, uh, like 2/10 for Christmas-ness, 6/10 for ending? 2/10 for tropes? Kate: I think I’d go a little lower on the ending - 4 gift bags. It was pretty fucking weird, but it did end happy? And that's important in a christmas movie. Devin: It was weird, but I feel like I am very forgiving as long as it's happy. Split the difference and say 5? Kate: Sure, 5 gift bags. Devin: What would you give it overall? Kate: Overall it’s not a movie I would recommend unless you specifically like one of the following: the girl from izombie, movies about fake royal families or .... I can't think of a third thing Devin: Acorns Kate: Or acorns - if you really have a thing for super obvious plot devices, this movie is for you! Overall possibly 4 christmas's I suppose Devin: Aww, so low? Kate: Yeah, sorry. Devin: No you're fine. Kate: How many christmas's would you give the Christmas Prince? Devin: I was thinking a 6. Kate: I think 6 is perfectly acceptable. If you'd given it an 8 I would question. Devin: Never. Kate: Oh no! We forgot to judge the title! Devin: It's a terrible title. 0 sleigh bells. Kate: Yeah, 0 sleigh bells for the title. I think it was so we would realize it was supposed to be a christmas movie. Devin: Probably. The Christmas [Noun] is just so boring. Kate: The Christmas King would have made more sense? Devin: Hmm, I do like the Christmas King better. Kate: Because of the coronation plot line. That we didn't get into at all in this review. But whatever, go watch the movie. Devin: Yeah. Kate: You know it has something to do with acorns. Devin: Or don't watch it. Kate: Or don't.

[jejublr]

Super!Mingyu

A/N: Hi guys~ This is my first AU! This was inspired by posts by other amazing writers and prompts so I decided to make a bunch of them. This one is a mash between Best Friend!AU and Super!AU and is quite long so buckle up! Be sure to be on the lookout for upcoming Super!Seventeen posts and thank you for reading! Enjoy! :D

P.S. Many fart jokes. Mentions of gummy bears. 

 lmao ok where do we even start with this guy

You've basically known Mingyu from kindergarten

He's a pretty low key kid tbh, you never would've thought he's a super

So the story starts when one day, in kindergarten, in the middle of the finger painting class, you farted ya it's gross, get over it. Kids only eat, sleep poop and cry while farting inbetween.

So you’re kind of the silent-killer type of farter ok aka no sound but deadly

There's another kid in class who's infamous for having farting episodes 

So the whole class plus the teacher was like "ugh not again Kevin wstg we have enough of ur sh**" and are accusing him of this crime poor Kevin

Nobody suspected it was you ('sorry Kevin')

B U T  T H E N

You feel a tap on your shoulder and turned around to see this one kid with a bad haircut and trail of snot on his face

And you can't help but zone in until he said

"I know it's you"

Lol you’re f***ed.

Your know you gotta do something before he reports you to the teacher and you can’t have your entire kindergarten career and reputation just crumble into dust over a fart 

So what did you do?

"I'll share my gummy bears with you but you will n e v e r tell a soul"

"Ok" 

Well that was easy

Anyways

From that day on Snotty aka Kim Mingyu follows you around like a lost puppy and sits with you during snack time for the sake of gummy bears kid knows his priorities

Everytime you won’t share your candies with him, he blackmails you by threatening to tell the teacher that it was you who farted that One Faithful Day

You kinda regretted it now that you have to sacrifice your gummy bears but h e y, better than getting your reputation ruined and get called Ms. Fartsfor the rest of kindergarten amirite?

So fast forward to elementary school

Surprise surprise you're going to the same school as Mingyu 

He still follows you around btw

Also, you outgrew him so you call him Shorty now instead of Snotty

“How’s the air down there, Shorty?”

“Walk in traffic, Y/N”

Still asks for gummy bears during lunch period

Tbh it's getting annoying at this point bc whenever you whip up your lunch bag he'd go nuts

"Is that spaghetti I smell?”

“Bring your own lunch, Mingyu.”

But then it starts to happen every time

He'll know what you bring for lunch even before you unbox it

You're getting suspicious

Is he half dog or something? How does he even know?

And then things get weirder

So basically Mingyu becomes the class guard aka that kid that stands in front of the classroom when there's no teacher to inform the class when the teacher is coming

People starts complaining because Mingyu would come in and be like "The teacher's coming ! !" but there's nobody in the hallway?? so Mingyu pls explain???

"No I swear! She's coming!!!"

Ofc nobody believed him and the class was in utter chaos when the teacher finally came in

"Mingyu, how did you know?"

"I heard her walking" 

And you're like "lol what"

Anyways

He also becomes that annoying kid in class 

He'll say that the class is too hot/too cold when it's totally fine?? 

And when a teacher raises their voice he'd cover his ears

Also there was a time during a math test you and thought that you were going to ace the test because you're top in class at least in elementary school if you’re bad at it lmao but surprise surprise Mingyu aced it too

But later during the day he comes up to you and apologized and said that he copied your paper

And you're like ???? 

"Mingyu you sit two seats behind me how is that even possible???"

 He'll be the first to know when it's pizza day ("I can smell the pizza lol")

But brings his own lunch to school

Claims that the cafeteria food smells and tastes weird

he never eats the food from school bc he claims that it smells weird and because he’s a picky eater

But basically Mingyu is physically hypersensitive to everything and people think he's just whiny and annoying so the only friend he got is you

So you kinda took pity in him and you started to enjoy his company anyways so you let him hang around

 As long as he has his hand sanitizer with him at all times

 Fast fast forward to middle school 

Yayy time for puberty and hormones! fun fun fun 

Except it isn't fun

Puberty is as fun for supers as it is for normal teenagers

It’s terrible enough to suddenly have a bazillion of zits appearing on your formerly-smooth face

But the fact that Shorty had a major growth spurt over the summer and is basically a f***ing tree now 

“Who’s short now, Y/N?”

And brags about it every time he has the chance

It’s also around this time that Mingyu has been acting even stranger

He’s easily distracted by a background noise, even if others don’t seem to hear it

He’d jump right out of his seat whenever the bell rings or any loud noises really 

At one point, a teacher got so angry and started shouting and when you looked at Mingyu he’s cowering in his seat with his hands low key on his ears, wincing every time the teacher raised their voice

He also becomes more secluded

Leaves the classes right after the bell rings, decided to take his lunch to a more quieter place under a tree at the school yard, avoids group projects..

You’re really concerned for him although you’re a bit hurt that he seemed like he’s keeping something from you

So you decided to ask him one day

"Mingyu are you ok? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Hahaha w-what makes u say that" 

You gave him a pointed look and it's scary and he got reminded that time during elementary school you bit Sarah in the arm for cutting the queue

If that's what ppl get for cutting your queue then what would happen if you find out that he's different

He’s scared that the only person he’s been friends with for years would abandon him when they finally realize that he’s a freak

At that point of time, he just wishes that he could be like the other kids

But he also remembers that you've been there for him after all these times

You (kinda) tolerated all the times he sneezed in your hair 

“One more time, Mingyu and I will cut you.”

And the times he broke your toys after not realizing his own strength 

Also that dark time during elementary school when Danielle and her group of friends verbally bullied him for being “weird” and “different”

You stood up to them for him

You got yourself suspended and your parents called for punching the bullies in the face

That night you came to his house with a bag full of gummy bears and both of your favorite movies and you guys just hung out in his room

That when you said “Mingyu, I know you can’t even hurt a fly so if you need me to punch someone in the face I will”

Wow when did you become such a violent kid

But he knows it’s just your way of saying “I’ll always be there if you need me”

And honestly, you're already a knight in shining armor to him the second you broke Danielle Davis’s nose

So he decided to tell you

How he knows what you’ll have for lunch

Why he’s so distracted all the time

And why he’s such a sensitive kid

He has heightened senses

*silence ensues*

He can’t help but starts to sweat as you stare at him, unblinkingly 

He wanted to strangle you, to force you to talk, to just say something

And then you do

“Wait ok so in kindergarten, you knew it was me who farted because of your super senses?”

lol. ded.

He just looked at you disappointedly “Seriously, Y/N, that’s the first thing that pops into your mind?”

“Well I’m sorry I can’t help it. But really can you really tell who farts in class. Also I’m really sorry for you, dude, smelling farts in HD must’ve suck.”

Ok but you’re kinda offended and sad why he kept it away from you for such a long time but soon realizes that people are judgmental jerks who’d just label Mingyu as an outcast if they find out

But basically, Mingyu is super duper relieved that you’re totally cool with it and you guys moved on from it

Fast forward to high school

*Achievement Unlocked: You got an S/O*

It’s not Mingyu ok

You met your S/O the first day of high school

They’re really sweet and caring and overall a nice person

Mingyu was more skeptical and protective when you first started to date but took the backseat when he realized that you can take care of yourself (lol remember Sarah and Danielle?)

Cheers you on your relationship and becomes your confidante and go-to person to talk about your relationship

He doesn't mind at all.

He’s just happy that you’re happy what a cinnamon roll ;A;

Until one day he saw your s/o at the mall, hanging out with some girl he doesn’t recognize

They seemed pretty close and their arm would ever so often casually hangs on the girl’s shoulder

Mingyu’s general perception of your s/o has been good so far so although he was kinda surprised to see them hanging out with a girl that’s not you, he just thought that she might be their close friend or a family member or something so he brushed it off

He checked with his superhuman hearing and it’s not like they’re talking about anything suspicious or anything

But Mingyu being Mingyu, he was curious and wanted to look out over you

So he figured, if your s/o was up to no good, he’d have to find out himself

So he began to stalk investigate your s/o

You kinda picked up and would jokingly said “Don’t you dare steal them from me” and he’ll be like “No, no its not like that!” (lmao also he wouldn't dare ofc)

But then Mingyu found out that your s/o has in fact, been cheating behind your back with a girl from school

He’s so surprised and more importantly, enraged that they would even do that to you

What have you ever done to deserve such trash of an s/o??? You deserved to be served and taken care of like royalty

That evening he went to your house to break the news to you

“Y/N, I have something to tell you”

You don’t believe him. You don't want to believe him.

Your s/o has been such a caring and thoughtful person. They wouldn’t do that to you right?? 

So you do what you thought was right.

You got angry and told Mingyu that he was just being jealous, that he’s just mad that you now hang out with someone else. You told him to make some friends so he can get over it.

Mingyu got even angrier over the fact that you chose to defend your s/o and is hurt that you wouldn’t believe him, your best friend

But at that exact moment he also had an epiphany

He was jealous

He was sad that you now have someone else to hang out with

He was sad over the fact that you might drift away after all these years

He also realized that he cares so much about you

So so much that maybe it’s not the friendly kind of caring anymore

He realized that after all this time, he might be in love with his best friend

But he’s so angry so he decided to storm off and have you find out yourself, knowing how stubborn you can be

You don’t talk for the next few weeks 

He decided to avoid you completely and would change seats if you’re in the same class as him. He wouldn’t even spare you a glance in the hallways

You sit alone at lunch, with nobody to eat your gummy bears

This is the first time you guys had a fight this big

One day, during class, you decided you had enough and you made a mad dash out of the classroom to find Mingyu and tell him you were sorry (Teacher: kids these days smh.)

Otw there, you passed the janitor’s closet and heard some noise

You decided to be a snitch and took a peek

And there they were, your s/o and a girl, making out in the small cramped space, unaware that you're watching

At that moment, all you can feel is your heartbreaking

You feel tears well up in your eyes, your body grows rigid and cold

You felt so so betrayed and lost that you don't even have the energy to barge up to them and beat them yourselves

So you took a detour to the nurse’s office, your mission long forgotten

You laid down on a cot for a good half-an-hour before you heard the curtain being opened and at first you thought it was the nurse who decided to kick you out but then you felt a large hand brushing the top of your head ever so gently

And by God, nobody was allowed to do that to you except for

“Y//N, I came as soon as class is over, are you feeling ok?”

You looked up and there he was, looking at you with concern and yet with the softest face

And it felt so sincere that you broke down completely in front of him

He just held you as you cried into his shirt, blabbering nonsense and being a snotty mess

When you were much better, you told him what happened

And then he had a look in his eyes

He kissed your forehead and just left 

You’re confused because Mingyu?? what are you doing m8???

You didn't heard from him until later in the afternoon

He got suspended

For punching your s/o smack in the face

You didn’t know what to do. Should you thank him??? be concerned???

Since when did he become so violent?

lmao he learned from you

But later in the evening, you came to his house, a bag of gummy bears in one hand and your favorite movies in the other

Neither of you said anything at first. You didn't need to.

You both just climbed up his bed and started eating and watching the movies

Halfway through the movie, you glanced up at him

“Thank you”

He didn't take his eyes off the screen “He deserved it. Should’ve know what was coming for him.”

You’re not satisfied so you sat up and took his face in your hands and his eyes finally finally met yours

And oh how lovely you looked in you sweatpants and oversized t-shirt, and yeah looking up kinda hurts his eyes because of the light but it’s casting a soft halo around you and when he met your gaze, it’s fierce and determined

Your eyes are still a bit red and puffy from all the crying earlier but to him, at this very moment, you're perfect.

You said “I’m sorry for not listening to you. I’m sorry for being such a jerk. I’m sorry for saying those hurtful things to you-”

But he cuts you off, his lips ascending onto yours into slow searing kiss

You lost your train of thoughts and while you thought that he’s the one with the heightened senses here, at that very moment it’s as if you had it too

Everything felt so warm and you don’t even know whether it’s from the close proximity, your body heat or the room. Your heart went overdrive and you're scared that he might hear it He totally could

But most of all, it felt right

You know maybe you should’ve been aghast or the very least, disgusted, that you’re actually kissing your own best friend but it doesn’t feel like that with Mingyu

You can feel all his emotions in that one kiss and nothing ever felt so sincere and so warm

You didn't know but at that very moment, Mingyu was experiencing the exact things, although everything is thrice more intense

After what felt like an eternity, he finally pulled away and there you are, gazing into each others eyes, breathing fast, cheeks flushed

“I’m sorry I did that.. and no! before you kill me, you’re just the most beautiful person I’ve ever met and you deserve someone who can see that and appreciate you and take care of you with all his hea-” he said before you pulled him up for another kiss

“I love you, too, you giant idiot.”

And at that very moment, you realize that after all, you might been in love with him

You remembered the kid with the weird haircut and snotty nose who caught you farting back in kindergarten and thought: “Who would’ve thought?

[5hfanfiction]

FROM AFAR - CHAPTER 24

Camila (3:13pm): you up?

Camila (3:13pm): can i get my pillow?

Lauren (3:16pm): yeah

Here we go again with the awkwardness and shit. Lauren’s attitude just confirmed what I’d felt in Orlando, the distancing and all that bullshit she made me go through without even realizing it. I didn’t know why she was doing that and with what I knew from her she probably wouldn’t say anything about the topic. She would just carry on as if nothing had happened. She would play out the good friend card at lunch and dinners with the other girls and avoid looking at my face when it wasn’t necessary.

I still had hope though, hope she’d be mature enough and pull her head out of her ass for once. It took me five days of struggling with myself, for the most part, to just not say something to her, because she had to take the first step and I fought every atom of my body to not talk to her about it, to not text her, she owed me at least that explanation, even if it was the last time she owed me something, but five days was all my mind could take.

I even tried to touch the subject on the first days like the understanding person I am, but Lauren was always evasive and shallow and I knew if I didn’t give her a direct ultimatum she would say nothing. But I still had hope. I made two attempts on the day we got back. The first one being when I took my shower (after she’d dropped by with my stuff from her room). I noticed there was a pillow missing from my bed and well, I needed something to hold in my sleep because who can sleep with just one pillow, right? So I texted her, and when I showed up at her door she simply passed me the damn pillow and I turned around without a second glance.

My second attempt happened after we came back from the dining hall, because nothing new, Lauren was still acting pretty weird. Most of the time I felt like bangging her head against a wall, but being the softie that I was (honestly just another word for stupid), I was just really trying to understand her and give the benefit of the doubt while I still had a part of me that wasn’t mad at her yet.

Camila (7:32pm): Laur, is everything okay?

Lauren (9:24pm): more or less, i was talking to paul

Lauren (9:24pm): buuut i don’t wanna talk about that now haha when i feel better i’ll tell you okay?

Lauren (9:24pm): come here so we can watch a movie

Lauren (9:24pm): let’s pick a bloody one

Camila (9:25pm): gimme a few minute

Camila (9:25pm): i’m eating

Camila (9:26pm): yeah, i’ve been feeling you’re weird since we were in orlando and i noticed that you were texting him

Camila (9:26pm): i thought i’d done something or whatever

Camila (9:26pm): but it’s okay

Lauren (9:27pm): no you didn’t do anything

Lauren (9:27pm): not at all

Lauren (9:27pm): sorry

Lauren (9:27pm): it’s been a rough couple of days but i try to hide it so bad

Lauren (9:27pm): hurry up there

Camila (9:30pm): chill

Lauren (9:31pm): that’s not the word of the day

Lauren (9:31pm): hahahaha

Camila (9:31pm): and you know i’m here for anything

Camila (9:31pm): if you don’t want to stay by yourself

Camila (9:31pm): those kinda things

Camila (9:31pm): well you’re gonna have to wait because i’m yet to start eating

Lauren (9:31pm): i knooow <3 <3 thank you so much, really

Lauren (9:31pm): come eat over her please

Lauren (9:31pm): no kidding

Lauren (9:32pm): ally’s already here

Lauren (9:32pm): there’s no problem if you eat here

Camila (9:33pm): i’ll go when i’m done over here

Camila (9:33pm): relax

Lauren (9:33pm): then hurry up kiddo

Lauren (9:33pm): listen

Lauren (9:33pm): did you talk to your mentor?

Camila (9:35pm): no

Camila (9:35pm): she didn’t show up here

Camila (9:35pm): i’ll go there tomorrow

Lauren (9:37pm): right

It was less awkward but it still was. Also, I did notice the fact that she invited Ally too which I’m not saying is a bad thing, but she clearly didn’t want to be alone in the same room with me. In fact, Ally’s presence probably saved us from a bunch of unnecessary stuff, either I would make bitchy comments to provoke her or I’d make a fool of myself for trying to be nice and understanding and a good friend to her while she just pushed me away, probably the latest.

On the second day she didn’t text me and our only encounters were at lunch and diner again. I did have to ask her about some money from the trip that I had on her credit card but it was a brief conversation and it was also the only subject we touched.

On the third day it was all the same, but Lauren wanted to watch some basketball game that was happening on campus and apparently nobody wanted to go with her. Of course I offered to go. Not because I actually wanted to go, because I didn’t and she knew that, or because I wanted to please her so she could come back to my arms like nothing ever happened. But because I knew how sad it was to have no one to accompany you to places, especially when your friends don’t like the same stuff you do. And that’s why I just said that I would think about it after I took a nap because I’d make the sacrifice (it was just a game but one that I didn’t feel like watching, and I had to get up, change, and cross those two parking lots to the other side of the street just to watch those damn guys ballin’, so it really was a sacrifice) for her.

Camila (1:18pm): love, do you want me to go with you?

Lauren (1:19pm): i’m already here camz

Lauren (1:19pm): if you feel like coming then come

Lauren (1:19pm): we’re losing 24 to 7

Lauren (1:19pm):hahaha

Camila (1:21pm): shit

Camila (1:21pm): to go and see them lose is fucked up

Camila (1:22pm): are you feeling better?

Lauren (1:24pm): hahahha you can stay there

Lauren (1:24pm): i think so

Camila (1:26pm): hmm

I didn’t wanna go, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel hurt when Lauren just went without checking with me first. Well, it was something I would do too, but you know, with the whole staying away from me as much as possible thing going on, it hurt. Also, the Lauren from before would never go alone, especially when she had me just waiting to be called and I’d be there for her, when she actually enjoyed my company.

You know when you feel like you’re bothering someone, which is one of the worst feelings ever, and you just have to stop what you’re doing because you feel like they don’t want anything to do with you? That’s what it felt like when that brief conversation happened. First she went alone, and then the topic literally died when I asked if she was feeling better, with the whole Paul thing and probably the reason she was acting like that. She didn’t open up to me, but not satisfied she also didn’t say anything else about anything at all.

Later that day the girls decided to hang out in Ally’s room. I was still shaken by the whole thing and how Lauren was making me feel even with just a stupid basketball game. She sat on Ally’s roommate bed with Dinah and while they were watching some stupid videos and I was in Ally’s bed scrolling through my phone when I came across a picture of my grandmother on facebook.

Well, that was all it took, just one picture for all my resolve to act like I didn’t care about anything to crumble down. The heartbreaking cry that came out of my throat was one that I myself had never seen before. It felt like there was no hope for the world anymore, no love left, everything was dead inside and out and that cry was the only thing I could do and feel at the moment. I felt lonelier than ever, even with my friends right there beside me, I didn’t have any family near and I didn’t have my grandma anymore, I also didn’t have Lauren’s attention and care, the only presence she had in my life was when I ate together with the other girls. I felt small and embarrassed, like any of them could crush me like a was a miserable insect if they wanted to.

I felt so ashamed to cry like that in front of them, not because I don’t cry in front of anybody, but it was like they could see my weakness when nobody was supposed to see, and I felt even worse when the look in their eyes was one of confusion and pity with a hint of annoyance.

Because apparently for them I didn’t have a reason to cry like that. The picture was the trigger I needed to put everything out. I wanted to get out of there, I felt suffocated both literally and figuratively. Ally tried to make me feel better but I wasn’t having it, I needed to be alone and that was both a relief and a curse at the same time, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep and my mind would run like a fucking marathonist, thinking about all the wrong in my life and all the bad feelings I was feeling at the moment, and how there was no hope left and how nobody liked me.

I asked for a medicine, one that would help me to sleep as a collateral effect and of course, the only person who had it was the one that probably the one that made me bottle up all those bad thoughts inside of me, just for them to make their way out in front of other people and in front of the only one that couldn’t see that.

On the fourth day I actually snapped at her. Because Lauren thought she could act like that the whole time and think she had the right to pull jokes on me. My patience was running thin, I was still waiting for her to have an attitude about anything but she still hadn’t, and I was dying to put her against the wall and demand something from her. Time was passing and I was losing my strength to hold myself back.

We were all gathered in her room to decide the final arrangements for our upcoming trip to Iowa, where a few friends from that group chat from the beginning, the one with all the people from the same program we were participating, were housing us for a few days on Christmas and New Year’s. People in the dorm would go home and only international students were allowed to stay, but it was depressing as fuck to spend the holidays there, the dining hall was closing too and we didn’t have a kitchen. So those friends agreed to welcome us in their apartment, which we didn’t have one because we had those lovely dorms and didn’t need anything else.

Lauren had said on the group chat something about me being rude, and although the other people didn’t know me personally so it could come out as a joke, I knew that Lauren meant it when she said that. And I didn’t like it one bit. So I snapped in front of Dinah and Ally and I told her that she had no right in saying that to people who didn’t even know us, or anyone else for that matter, let people make their own judgments on what they think of me. Also, who was she really to say anything about me when she acted like a heartless piece of shit everyday when I didn’t even deserve that treatment in the first place. If she thought I was rude, well, I was definitely being rude at that moment and she understood that and shut up.

I’m sure that Ally and Dinah were uncomfortable the whole time, they had to witness an outburst and although it was between Lauren and I, it affected the whole group in some way. We bought our plane tickets and I was counting the seconds to get out of that room as soon as possible. Every time Ally said something about looking for other options I just wanted to scream and tell her to get it over with because I was literally feeling claustrophobic in there.

When we finally did what we were supposed to, we quickly prepared to leave the room. As we were standing to leave Lauren asked something like “Is everyone leaving?”, and one more time I wanted to bang her head against that wall she covered with her family photos. I was so mad that I saw that as a punishment for her, because she didn’t like to be alone sometimes and I was always there for her when she wanted me to, but she pushed me away and now she didn’t have anyone. Dinah and Ally didn’t want to stay with her either, and I was the first one to step outside as if there wasn’t enough air inside for me to keep breathing in there.

I talked to my other friends and they encouraged me, one more time, to say something to her and get this thing over with. So I decided that was what I’d do, I fell asleep with this decision in my mind and woke up ready to put an ending to whatever that was. I spent the whole day writing on the notes of my phone what I wanted to say to her, you know, to make sure nothing was left unsaid. I wrote and rewrote that so many times that I almost memorized it.

It was night time when I texted her saying I needed to talk, but fate was so fucked up to me that seconds after I hit the send button, Lauren knocked at my door to ask for some medicine for her headache. I didn’t want to have the conversation in person because that could escalate fast and I would probably forget to say everything I wanted to say (that’s why putting them on your notes is always the best move), so I just told her that I’d just sent a text and I could almost see in her eyes that she knew what that was about. She left me feeling like an idiot for having such a bad timing even when I was trying to do the right thing.

Camila (8:26pm): when you’re out of the shower let me know, i need to say a few things

Camila (8:30pm): don’t come here, i’d rather say it through here

Camila (8:30pm): if you don’t mind

Lauren (8:37pm): you can speak

Camila (8:38pm): i wanted to say this before but i still had hope you’d say something or do something, so i held myself until the last minute…and maybe you’d just leave it like that and don’t say anything, but i couldn’t

Camila (8:39pm): just wait until i’m finished with everything

Lauren (8:39pm): i know, but i didn’t know and don’t know what to do, but hit me

Lauren (8:39pm): yes ma’am

Camila (8:42pm): since Orlando you’ve been acting weird, different with me and i don’t even know why, i don’t think i’ve done anything wrong. Since we got back and even during the trip everything changed, you don’t talk to me privately anymore, we don’t hang out, we don’t watch movies, we don’t hang out in each others room even if it’s just to study, you don’t ask how i’ve been, clearly you’re trying to get some distance and stay in the ‘friendship’ lane and i’m trying to respect that, that’s why i don’t try to talk on private or insist for us to hang out, even if it makes me sad/angry. I was kinda used to all of that, even taking out the part where we make out, and this sudden change is fucking me up. It’s like the friendship changed from night to day with no explanation, no warning, and i really miss everything. I don’t wanna be annoying and demand anything and i could even be overreacting, but i’m pretty bad, it added to my grandma thing that’s worse than it was in the beginning (i cry just from thinking about it), and the stress of the end of the semester. I was weak that day in the room and i cried in front of you guys, but i feel bad at any time of the day, even if i’m smiling around.

Camila (8:43pm): i know you’ve been talking to Paul a lot, and that’s none of my business really, even if you’re getting back with him i don’t care anymore and you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just think that i deserved a conversation after everything we’ve been through together. I also know that this is one of the things you feared the most, of someone getting hurt, but we decided to take that risk together. I didn’t want for this to happen this way and you acting like that is only making it worse, that’s why i had to say something now.

Camila (8:44pm): i need you to tell me that nothing is gonna happen between us anymore, so i can free myself you know, so i don’t get confused or anxious about what could or couldn’t happen, or why something is happening or not, so i can carry on with my normal life. Our friendship will always stay true and i love you so much, it’s already a bit weird so it can’t get any worse than that, it’ll just get better like i promised and did it the other time around…..or you tell me to wait until you get your shit together, idk, i just want an answer, i think it’s the least i deserve. We need to fix this so we can move on with our normal friendship, even if we don’t keep glued on each other like before because i don’t know if i could do that

Camila (8:45pm): I know you’re feeling bad for this and other reasons and i can’t even help you, or maybe you don’t want my help at this point, that’s why we need to decide this once and for all.

Camila (8:47pm): and i’m sorry for putting you in this position for starters, i just messed up your life even more but i didn’t plan any of this, but i loved everything that happened and i really like you more than i should, everything is experience for the both of us regardless of what happens from now on. Sorry to make you think about it this time at night too e interrupt your study session maybe, but i needed to say this sooner or later

Lauren (8:54pm): So, i know that since Orlando everything’s different and i’m gonna be pretty honest i didn’t do anything on purpose or planned, everything is really hard for me and actually it seems that instead of getting better each day, is getting worse! I didn’t get back with him, i don’t have a problem talking to you about it, i’m talking to him more now because he said he bought his plane tickets to come here and the hotel too, that we have to talk and those other million of things, i’m pretty bad, confused, upset, i think a little bit of everything. I swear that the last thing i wanted was to hurt you but i think this is the most difficult time i’ve had in my life, i cry almost everyday alone at night because it feels like i’m stuck in time and nothing gets better, nothing works out you know? you know and i’ll never stop saying that i love you a lot really, and i don’t regret anything and i miss you so much, so much! everything, hanging out watching some movie, talking, everything! and I’ll be really honest that i don’t know what to do!

Lauren (8:55pm): and because i’m like that i know you noticed it and stepped back, but it was the way i found to try not to hurt you (more) but i can’t be good at it, i know we’d have to talk about it soon but i swear there are so many things in my mind that i don’t know what to do

Lauren (8:56pm): when we decided to risk it my fear was this one and i knew deep down that that day you were crying was related to it

Lauren (8:57pm): and you’re one of the best people i’ve met in my life, i don’t wanna do that to you, my life is all messed up

Lauren (8:57pm): i don’t wanna be one more reason for you to feel bad

Lauren (8:59pm): i want us to have our friendship stronger than ever i don’t wanna change any of that, it’s fucked up having to keep some distance for the both of us, but camz, i don’t want to and i can’t do that to you, put you in the middle of this bunch of problems i have you know? i think it’s best for us to keep our friendship so i don’t mess any more of this

Camila (9:02pm): i understand, if it’s better that way then be it. I wanted to know how to help you somehow but i don’t, it sucks to see you hurting too and don’t be able to be there to support you

Camila (9:03pm): you will get your life together when he comes and you guys talk, try to fix everything once and for all, for your own good, seriously

Camila (9:03pm): be it for you to stay together or end everything

Camila (9:04pm): this changed friendship won’t be easy for me, i’m not gonna lie. But everything will fall into place eventually and we’ll both feel better

Camila (9:05pm): it isn’t already and i don’t know how it’s gonna be from now on :(

Camila (9:08pm): and just for the record, being part of your messed up life was never a problem for me

Lauren (9:21pm): i don’t know if anybody could help me you know, you’ve already helped me a lot, the girls, lucy, my brother, i think i need to finish digesting everything and be able to follow some direction

Lauren (9:22pm): anyway that doesn’t stop you from being by my side, we could just not talk about it idk, i’ve said this a thousand times that i feel good when i’m with you, but i don’t know how much you’ll want to be close so i’ll leave it up to you

Lauren (9:22pm): that was my biggest fear

Lauren (9:22pm): this changed friendship you talk about, because i don’t want your resting bitch face

Lauren (9:23pm): i want to be able to joke with you and hug you and it looks like i won’t be able to do that

Camila (9:23pm): don’t talk about my resting bitch face

Camila (9:23pm): i told you i was born with it

Lauren (9:23pm): i’ll talk about whatever i want lol

Lauren (9:23pm): but no camz

Lauren (9:23pm): seriously

Lauren (9:23pm): that makes me really upset

Lauren (9:23pm): if you want to keep going like this for a while idk, it’s okay i guess

Lauren (9:24pm): but it can be like this forever

Lauren (9:24pm): i spend a lot of time with the girls but i’m closer to you

Lauren (9:25pm): so i don’t know what to do

Lauren (9:25pm): if i can come to your room or not, if you want me to or not

Camila (9:25pm): then the only person who can help you is yourself, i know it’s not easy, but at this point only you can say you’ve had enough, and it’ll get better with time

Lauren (9:25pm): you were so rude to me yesterday haha i almost told you to go fuck yourself, but i cried

Camila (9:26pm): i’m just gonna tell you the truth that i didn’t wanna stop any of this, it doesn’t matter if i’m dragged into this mess or not

Camila (9:26pm): i’m sorry

Camila (9:26pm): but if that’s what you wanna do then it’s okay

Camila (9:26pm): i won’t stop hugging you and joke, relax

Camila (9:26pm): i’m sorry about yesterday, i kept gravitating between sadness and angriness, because you were treating me that way without even letting me know or explaining

Camila (9:26pm): so i was cold every time

Lauren (9:27pm): i was the wrong one

Camila (9:27pm): i’m really sorry

Lauren (9:28pm): but i don’t know, it was the only way out that i found, i shouldn’t have done that

Lauren (9:28pm): i should’ve talked to you

Camila (9:28pm): even when i didn’t want to, i had to treat you like that :(

Camila (9:28pm): i get it

Camila (9:28pm): it’s over now

Camila (9:28pm): relax

Lauren (9:29pm): but i was stupid, i should’ve talked, it’s me that owes you an apology and not you

Lauren (9:29pm): it was your reaction, obviously

Lauren (9:29pm): i’m sorry

Lauren (9:29pm): again what i didn’t wanna do in life was to hurt you

Lauren (9:29pm): and here i am, again

Camila (9:30pm): stooop

Camila (9:30pm): i already told you that it was normal for this to happen

Camila (9:30pm): and i said that i was gonna take the risk

Camila (9:30pm): but it’s over now and i feel better

Camila (9:30pm): i just wish i could get you out of this situation

Lauren (9:31pm): don’t worry about me

Lauren (9:31pm): please

Camila (9:31pm): i just miss everything so much :( i’m feeling lonelier than ever

Camila (9:31pm): of course i’ll worry

Camila (9:31pm): always

Camila (9:32pm): even when i was angry i knew you were hurting somehow

Lauren (9:34pm): i miss you so much, really! i can’t stand being alone that’s why i want us to hang out! i feel so sad when i’m here like that!

Camila (9:36pm): i can only imagine

Camila (9:36pm): but like, you didn’t talk to me during these days

Camila (9:36pm): i didn’t say anything either

Camila (9:37pm): if you want to hang around here for a while you can

Camila (9:38pm): i still have a lot to study but i’m not in the mood now

Camila (9:38pm): at least you’ll feel a little better

Lauren (9:38pm): okay, i’ll be right over, i just need to fix my hair

.

.

.

Camila (9:57pm): changed your mind?

Lauren (9:58pm): i’m halfway through hahahaha

-

A/N: it’s been 84 years i know and it’ll probably take another 84 for the next chapter but i’m trying my best. when i have time i don’t have the motivation, and when the motivation comes (which is rarely) i don’t have time lol

i think i mentioned that i have to go over my old text messages to write this story (since the texts are real and all) and honestly i cringe sooo hard reading them and i know there’s a lot of cringe worthy content yet to come lol i was so stupid for god’s sake, well i’m still stupid af but i’ve learned my lesson and now i write less cringe worthy texts so yeah. Also i don’t know why this chapter came out a little too bitter, it wasn’t my intention but it did and i’m gonna leave it like that. the emotional parts really make me feel some kind of way because i practically have to re-live it, of course i don’t feel the same of when it actually happened because it’s been a long time, but i definitely feel a fraction of it.

On the side note: i’ll give you smut at some point yyyaaass. it’ll be near the end of the story but it’ll happen, but it’s just one time, and i’ll make sure it’s a good one so it makes up for all the angst and the lack of smut on this trash fic. go check Crosswords (here) and my other one shots (there’s smut in them lol) if you haven’t yet.

[withnosuchgrace]

the things tag

i was tagged by the always sweet @doitforsuga (seriously you tag me in these and i love it soooooo much :’)))

i’m gunna tag @slutlingar @chenderellastrash @delta-cubes @boomchimpow @sherlockedwhovian09 and whoever else wants to do this!!!!!! 

alright it’s time to avoid studying and do this (bc i have no control over my life anymore) 

5 things you’d find in my bag:

earphones

keys

wallet

a pen (you never know when you need a pen)

a pad of post-its (so you can actually use that pen lmao)

5 things you’d find in my bedroom:

my laptop

a lamp that’s like covered in buttons and other random shit making the light quite dim 

my bamboo plant :’))) (that i occasionally forget to water rip)

a little old af tv and vhs player for when i wanna take a dip into the past

a shit ton of stuffed animals hahahah 

5 things i always wanted to do in life:

living in a cute lil apartment 

travel the world with friends

publish a book 

fall in love (LMAO THATS SO SAPPY BYE)

when i was a kid i always wanted a cat and three years ago that dream came true wow life is full of miracles

5 things i’m currently into:

kpop (obviously lmao)

Riverdale (it’s been a while since i’ve been really invested and actually up to date on an american tv show)

fashion (like buying clothes and creating outfits and stuff like i wear things i would have never worn three years ago)

writing (i write a lot more lately than i have in the past)

knitting (i knitted my cousin a blanket for her baby and i’m already missing knitting it’s really relaxing ahhaah)

5 things on my to do list:

 finish all my finals in one piece and with minimal breakdowns

finish writing the stories on my “to write list” (it’s kinda long rn rip)

actually apply to ikea hahahahah

meet @chenderellastrash this summer!!!!!!

figure out wtf i wanna do with my life :((

5 things people may not know about me:

in my family, i’m always considered the “smart, quiet, and responisble” one and like i get it bc when i was younger i was really shy and serious, especially compared to my siblings but i’m trying to break out of that role and strive to be the funny one (bc im hilarious???????) 

i talk really fast and when i’m nervous or excited it gets ten times worse so i dont even make sense half the time when i speak bc im just making up words as i go 

i used to be REALLY shy in high school like to the point where i wouldn’t even talk (in grade 7 i had like 0 friends tbh it was traumatizing) but i’ve gotten better at controlling it and i’m a lot more open now but there are still times where i completely shut down and freak out and sometimes i’m terrified of being alone bc it gives me flashbacks to 7th grade (i’ve gotten better at this too so im proud of myself but yeah it’s hard for me to make friends sometimes rip like i hardly ever make the first move irl)

(holy shit that last one got sad af oops) when i was in grade 1 i joined the school choir and was super excited but my mom made me quit bc they were singing christian songs and i’m muslim lmao

my tongue can touch my nose ayeeeee

10 groups/artists you like besides Kpop/liked before Kpop:

one direction (lmao my first loves)

fall out boy

twenty one pilots

halsey

little mix

ed sheeran

childish gambino

melanie martinez

troye sivan

gorillaz

(it was so hard only picking 10 i listen to too many artists rip)

10 favorite non-kpop songs:

what a feeling - one direction

grown - little mix 

flawless - the neighbourhood

bloodstream - ed sheeran

oh, calamity! - all time low

you - the 1975

sober - childish gambino

angels - chance the rapper 

stylo - gorillaz 

gasoline - halsey 

10 favorite movies:

10 things i hate about you 

shrek 

mulan

napolean dynamite (i have it memorized)

kabhi khushie kabhie gham (the bollywood film that pretty much sums up my childhood)

dilwale dulhania le jayenge (all time fav bollywood movie) 

breakfast club 

white chicks 

nacho libre (it’s like a family favourite hahaha)

school of rock 

10 favorite tv shows, including anime & cartoons:

jane the virgin 

weightlifting fairy kim bok joo (my fav kdrama tbh)

haikyuu!!

we bare bears

riverdale 

adventure time 

avatar: the last airbender 

stranger things

fresh prince of bel-air 

gravity falls 

(i’m really really bad at keeping up with tv shows like there are a whole bunch that i would’ve added to this list but i’m like really behind on them rip)

10 things you enjoyed before kpop/enjoy besides kpop, that won’t fit in the lists above:

reading (i used to read a lot more in the past than i do now bc i hardly have time and if i do i’m usually watching something or writing so rip i have books all over my room that i wanted to read or reread)

learning languages (not very great at it  but i’m slowly getting the hang of urdu)

drawing (not very good at it though)

cats 

watching animated movies // shows

writing (i have a bunch of unfinished original stories but then fanfics got in the way)

discovering new music 

playing board games with friends and family 

i used to be really into anime lmao 

figuring out my aesthetic bc i have no idea who i am 

that’s it!!!! if you’ve made it this far congratulations!!!!!! you know me slightly better!!!!!

[purplesurveys]

1048

survey by skiesofsunshine

What would you honestly do if you had a million dollars? Buy sushi and Airpods, give a chunk to my parents, donate another chunk to animal welfare NGOs, save the rest.

Do you pretend to be something you're not to make friends? Not to make friends, because it would be such a hassle if I actually ended up gaining friends from faking myself. But I do sometimes pretend, if it’ll make a certain interaction easier. “Fake it till you make it” isn’t a lie and I learned that more and more as I got older.

When was the last time someone disappointed you? Today.

Are you still in school? Nope, I got out of it just a little less than half a year ago.

Trigger warning for an item immediately below the cut.

Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? [trigger warning] I mean I’ve said it before, but I don’t really plan on making it past 30 and I’m already 22. We’ll see if that changes down the road as I’m always open to hear good reasons to stay, anyway.

Are you more of a shy or outgoing person? I’ve been very shy for most of my life but I’ve become more and more outgoing in recent years. It still depends on who I am with though, and what their body language tells me.

How many hours of sleep per night do you usually get? 8-10, which is thankfully a healthy amount. I’m always left exhausted after work.

Would you rather listen to new music or the classics? There’s no reason for me to have a preference as I enjoy a good selection from both.

Can you do a cartwheel? Nope.

What does friendship mean to you in your life? Family and loyalty.

What is the closest yellow thing next to you? The lights that we have here on our rooftop.

Do you currently feel any sadness? It has been an ongoing wave for the last three months.

Are you more of an athlete or artist? I am seriously neither. I am not at all an athlete, but I guess that label is at least closer to who I am because I do play table tennis.

Is it hard for you to break the ice with new people? Depends on their personality. Some people may just prefer to be on the quiet side and that’s okay.

Do you judge people by groups or by individuals? I try not to at all?

What do you think was the stupidest movie ever created? I once read about the movie Birdemic and watched it out of curiosity. It was so stupid it was genuinely entertaining.

Who is your hero and why? I try not to have any. It’s nice to have inspirations, but I feel like labeling someone as hero would be a bit too much for me.

If you could be someone else for a week, who would it be? Me, from the beginning of the year. If it counts. I’d rather revisit older, happier versions of myself.

What do you want people to remember you for when you die? Somebody who was selfless. Idk, I don’t wish for too much. I just hope people think I am or was a good person.

Do you always respond to chain letters? Nope.

Would you rather text someone or call them? TEEEEEEEEEXT. I gotta say, I’m getting a lot more calls now that I’m working and I’ve been a little braver in answering them, but I do still hate them. I’d much rather text unless a situation is super complex or complicated that a call would be necessary.

What are you afraid of most? Giving up.

Do you spend too much time online? Kinda, but it’s necessary. I’m working from home so I have to keep my line open to stay connected to my co-workers 24/7.

Are you the type to procrastinate? This was mostly me as a student. I don’t want to fuck up at work, so if I have time to do something I get started on it immediately.

What is your biggest annoyance? Companies who have automated customer service chats. Sometimes I’ll have a very specific inquiry only to be greeted by a bunch of buttons to categories with already-given answers, and I end up never fixing my problem.

Do you use any drugs? Erm, nothing even mildly alarming, I guess.

Do you believe that you'll always be a kid at heart? For sure.

Are you currently in a relationship? No.

What do you like to do for fun? God I’ve taken an entire week to take this lol...work has me beat. I spend my days alone now, and I have the most fun and fulfillment when I take myself out for dates at coffee shops :) It lets me take surveys in an environment I’m comfortable with (other than my room), and I also get to look out the big windows and just reflect and be at peace for a few moments. I’m also getting more and more into embroidery and thankfully there’s loads of embroidery kits online that already come with templates and instructions.

Do you have a job? Yes. It’s normally incredibly hectic to the point that I can feel the burnout coming in even though I’ve only been in the role for a little more than a month. But with today being the second-to-the-last-day before our office closes for the holidays, so many people are on leave and I actually have time to continue this in the middle of the day.

Can you type without looking at the keyboard? That’s how I normally type. I haven’t had to look in like a decade now.

What is something you want to improve on this year? Kinda too late to ask this don’t you think? Hahaha. Uhm, I did a lot of growing this year, I’d say. Most of it forceful, but still necessary. I’m proud of myself for making it to the end. I really am. Mostly because I can remember how determined I was to leave just a few months ago. I grew a lot, and I’m proud. I wish other people have seen the growth too, because I’ve tried really hard.

Do you have any pets? Yeah, I have two dogs.

What is your dream car? A Mini Countryman or Clubman. I don’t really care which but I’d love to have either.

How many times a day do you get angry? Depends on how many mistakes I make at work.

If you could, would you want to stay young forever? It was great to have fewer things to worry about as a kid, but I enjoy the freedom and independence that come with being older a lot more.

Are the books better or worse than the movies? That’s usually the case, but of course it applies differently to all books/movies.

Are you afraid of the dark? No, but like I’ve said before it’s only scary if the darkness is meant to be an element of a bigger scary thing. Like if I’m in a haunted house and all the lights went out or something like that.

If you could eat any food you want right now, what would it be? Sushi.

Are you a racist person? No.

Do you ever feel like people use you? I try not to think about it.

Do you keep in contact with your friends during the summer? Back when I was in school and summer was still a thing, yeah.

What is your favorite month of the year? April.

Does bad grammar get on your nerves? Only if it’s from someone I dislike, hahahaha

If you were going to die right now, what would your last words be? I would be alone, so I’d rather go through it in silence.

Does Jeopardy make you feel dumb? Sometimes. Aw, this question made me sad because Alex Trebek :(

What is/was your worst subject in school? Chemistry.

Are you a sarcastic person? Eh, I can be. I don’t whip it out too often though.

What role does religion play in your life? It made me realize I should avoid having a religion.

Can you sleep with your eyes open? ???

[speaknowslut13]

Hi honey bunches!

I really appreciate that! I’ve always kind of thought no kids/no marriage, and then I went through an identity crisis and finally came to terms with my sexuality in my early 20s and then I was like “yeah definitely no” haha. So many people are like “you’ll definitely change your mind” and I find it rather obnoxious. And while I’m pretty sure I don’t want biological children, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about becoming a foster parent, and would love to get to a place in my life where I could do that.

Feel free to talk about the complicated family situation if you want! (Or not, totally no pressure, but I definitely understand having a complicated family.) my parents also did a courthouse wedding and I honestly love their wedding photos, they’re so cute! Do you have any pictures of your dress that you can/want to share?

Gosh that sounds awful! I’m glad you were okay though. Out of my sibling/cousins (there’s 5 of us and all pretty close!) I’m actually the only one who *hasn’t* been in a major wreck. I still vividly remember getting a phone call from my sister after she rolled her pickup (she was thankfully okay, somehow walked away without a scratch even though the car was totaled, and this happened like one week after she’d gotten her drivers license.) but on to happier things!

I love that though, I think it’s so important to actually *like* your partner haha. What kind of video games do you like to play? And what’s your go to movie for movie night? And that’s literally the sweetest thing that you do his nails and makeup 🥺 how are things with the pandemic in your area?

Panic! puts on a great show, I saw them in Seattle during their death of a bachelor tour in 2017 and it was so much fun. I hope you get the chance to go! Who else is on your concert bucket list?

Omggg okay I will have to add Rijeka to my list of stops 👀 if everything goes according to plan, I want to do a road trip down the Croatian coast starting in Zagreb and ending up in Dubrovnik. My birthday is mid august, so it would be end of august to be a birthday trip! I love Munich, it’s only a couple hours from me by train so I’ve been there several times since I moved here! Because of travel restrictions, I haven’t been able to visit some of the places like Dachau yet, but I really want to. That history is heavy but so so important.

I adore the PNW, and I was originally planning on moving to Oregon for grad school before I ended up in Europe haha. I have a lot of good friends in that area and I can’t wait to be able to visit them in again! Where in Canada would you like to end up? The polar express thing sounds soso cool, honestly might book a seat for myself hahaha.

I think a lot of writing poetry is just accepting that a lot of it is going to be bad and then going from there haha. Like one of my professors told me, it’s always easier to work with something than it is with nothing so I have years and pages worth of bad poems and then some that I’ve turned into really good ones. Ohhh those all sound really interesting! I especially like the idea of a paranormal mystery. Do you have a particular tag that you post your writing under?

That sounds like an excellent weekend! What kind of project? And do you have your own pool or do you go somewhere? What a crazy coincidence for us to be paired together!! I actually didn’t start marching until college, my high school wasn’t big enough to have a marching band, just a pep band, and then I got involved with the music program for fun when I started college and ended up marching my sophomore through senior years. It was a lot of fun, but also a lot of hard work!! I can definitely understand how that could cause burn out. Mono sounds horrendous in the best case scenario, let alone what you were dealing with. Oh the EMT thing sounds like a cool program though!

Hahahaha yeah my sister is an amazing singer but it just missed me. I do perform well in the shower, when I’m out hiking in the woods, or alone in the car. Well I think you’d do well even without knowing everything single instrument ahdjshs i believe in you! ✨

Hope your week is off to a great start! 💖 Drew

Let's get the family stuff out of the way. Chase and I met in September of 2013, got engaged in January of 2014, and then married February of 2014. His brother was not pleased with that. There was a massive fight and its the only time I've seen Chase really truly angry. They were living together at the time and when we told him we decided to get engaged and that I was essentially moving in he flipped out. He was also drunk that night. We were excited, our parents were excited for us. We hadn't planned on getting married until May of 2015 but that didn't matter. He said some pretty horrendous things to Chase and then to my face. So Chase kind of snapped. After that, Chase wasn't sure he wanted to tell his family about the ceremony. He didn't want to rock the boat any more than he already did. My BIL moved out quickly after that fight. Chase and I always planned on having a ceremony with everyone later. That never worked out. Its something we regret, not inviting his parents. His Dad passed in 2016 after I found out I was pregnant. So he'll never get to have that. Even though we all moved past that, in that last year things have gotten tense between them again. I try not to get involved. My BIL eventually apologized and we all got really close especially when my FIL got sick. Even though we've both forgiven him, I don't know if Chase will ever really forget the hurt that situation caused me and him. It didn't stop us though. We knew our minds. We're both Taurus signs. So there really was no stopping us.

We didn't mean to get married on Valentines day. I had just been fired from Express for the stupidest reason, partly because of my relationship. We just decided on a Monday to get married that following Friday. When we went to get the license, that's when we realized it was going to be Valentines Day. We laughed pretty hard about it. We still do. I joke that because I always had such a rough time on Valentines Day, the universe made up for it.

Even though we jumped head first into commitment, we waited on expanding our family. And it wasn't an easy journey for us. Now, its a completely unrealistic option for me to carry another pregnancy. So, if we ever change our minds about having another kid, we'll adopt. I grew up with a messy extended family and so my tolerance for the behavior I've seen of late is non existent. I don't need that negativity. I don't have enough spoons! So, we keep our head down and mow our own lawn, so to speak.

I will make a post of pictures under my tag themodren . All of my personal posts are under that tag because I reblog a lot. However, the story excerpt is also under the tag brownandgreenandgold because it corrresponds to a poem I wrote. I'll put that one up for you too. Some of my other tags are: renreacts , folklorethemusical , and relativelyricalanalysis . I've started these tags hoping to follow up on them with more content but I haven't yet. You can find them all under themodren though. I'm trying to talk myself into sharing more.

Chase was really into WOW. I prefer games that are RPG in nature. I've played Castle Crashers, Baulder's gate, Torchlight, and currently Portal. I like Pokemon. Chase really grew up around video games. I didn't. He's so good at them. He's great at figuring out how things work whereas I'm the player that spins in circles.

I'd like to move to Vancouver or anywhere around that area. It looks so pretty.

The EMT program was amazing and I had a real knack for it. I was originally going to go pre-med. I wanted to be a Doctor. But I was thrown some curve balls and ended up in a Fashion Design program that no longer exists. Didn't finish that one either because I got pregnant and my postpartum period is where my autoimmune disease really jumped out. If I thought I could handle it, I'd go back and finish the nursing program I was going to go through, too. Or ideally I'd just go do pre-med again. Unfortunately I don't think that's in the cards. I'm still struggling to get my body under control and stress has a tendency to deplete my spoons quickly. The pandemic really hit me hard because I wanted to help but couldn't.

I try to focus on the good in my life. I try to remember to honor my limitations. I tell my husband that I feel like a ten cylinder engine that's being forced to only use four. It can be frustrating. So I laugh at myself and try to focus on other things. Like the recent succulent collection I've started. I might have a problem. We have a pool in our backyard. It was out of order until recently. I'm enjoying it a lot since that last few years I haven't been able to. Despite my struggles, my life is incredibly blessed. I always feel weird talking about the pain and disappointments of my life because I feel ungrateful.

The pandemic feels stale here. I'm sure the numbers are going down because there are so many people being vaccinated now, but unfortunately there is still too large a number of vaccine resistant or hesitant people. That frustrates me. Both my husband and I are vaccinated now, but we still wear our masks. We also avoid interacting with others outside our circle because our daughter hasn't been vaccinated yet. Hopefully come September that will change. Our state lifted mask mandates too soon, I think. We're a mostly republican state. I wish that didn't matter but it does. People are starting to act like the virus isn't still an issue even though it definitely is. Its been especially rough on my kid. She's been in virtual preschool for a year. She goes back in person in August, which I'm very nervous about. She has an IEP for speech therapy, so she needs to go, otherwise I'd find another solution. She doesn't get to go out much either. Its been tough on her. Her safety is of utmost importance though. I've heard too many horror stories of mom's acting like this virus isn't just as potentially life altering for children as it is for adults. At the beginning, parents were even hosting "covid parties" so all their kids would catch the virus. Horrified would be an understatement in describing my reaction to those articles.

The project is a memorial for my grandma. She passed recently. Its okay. She was old and we were expecting it.

Chase and I will watch things that we've wanted to watch for awhile. I haven't seen all the Marvel movies yet and there are a slew of older movies he's seen that he wants me to see. So, we typically pick something we haven't seen.

Lorde announced music today! So once she starts touring, I'd like to see her. Honestly, I'd like to see Twenty One Pilots. Halsey is another. I like Halsey. My best friend likes Marianas Trench, so it'd be fun to see them with her. If N'Sync ever toured again, I'd go see it. I would have loved to see Prince in concert. There's just so many different musicians I like that I'd love to see.

Are things getting any better where you're at, Drew? I hope your week goes well!