#or I can delete it and only work on it in my private life rather than for any public consumption

[cordeliawhohung]

Real Talk.

Hi. I wish I had good news, but I don't. This is going to get very venty and probably triggering, so I apologize in advance, but I don't want to just vanish.

I've made the decision to private pretty much everything on my account here on tumblr, and I am heavily fighting the urge to delete everything off of my AO3. I realize that I'm sort of self destructing, in a way, and I'm trying very hard not to just toss everything into the void lest I come to regret it later, but here we are.

Things in my IRL have not been great, and they haven't been good for a long while. I started up this blog a little over a year ago at the crux of my depression, fighting off extreme suicidal ideation and untreated PTSD. On top of that, I had to support my mother through marrying her abuser and watching her slowly lose herself while I helped assisted in taking care of my kid brother, and helped my other brothers through their battles with addiction. Like everyone else in the world, I've had a lot on my plate. So much so to the point that my anxiety and stress is making me sick.

For the first time in a very long time, I had picked up writing again and found it to be a wonderful outlet to really get my feelings out in a safe way. It was so freeing being able to be in control of everything, and explore the very real and scary emotions that people have otherwise wanted me to snuff out. I wish I could snuff it out. I have had no choice but to feel everything I wish I could run away from, but at least this way I was the one dictating everything. Even through the pain and the last few months of pure disassociation, this was mine.

Now, I hate it. I hate it all. I can hardly stand looking at these stories or anything I write.

I am not going to share names; and please do not go looking for this person or harass them as I'd quite frankly rather kill myself than have another glimimp situation and would probably just actually delete all my works; but something that really kicked this up was someone plagiarizing one of my works. While not exactly copy and pasted, I could compare pretty much every line they wrote to my own work. I do not mind people taking inspiration from my works, but the fact someone took it upon themselves to essentially create a "fix-it-fic" of my work was honestly the last straw for me, I think. And to just regurgitate half of what I had written like some high schooler summarizing a story?

"Kore, did you try talking to them?" The idea of confrontation actually makes me want to throw up and considering the actual issues I have going on in my real life, I don't see how it's worth getting up in arms over fanfiction. Believe it or not, I'm not really good with words, and I end up making a fool of myself and coming off way different than I intend to half the time (blame the autism I guess). And I know for a fact that it won't change the fact that I still hate it. My works. Everything I write. I want it gone. I want to purge it.

I hate The Prowl and TMTIV. I can't see myself writing for them anymore. I've tried. I had to force out the last chapter of The Prowl only to just not even be able to edit it. (Yeah when that anon sent me that ask about The Prowl? "When are you updating it next?" I literally had the rough draft finished when they sent that and was trying to edit it, and now I don't even want to look at it anymore).

And this sucks because I really do enjoy sharing my stories with you guys, but it's just not fun anymore. And if it's not fun, then why do I keep doing it? And I feel bad, especially to my patreon supporters because I definitely didn't deserve the support when I started that up, and I certainly don't deserve it anymore, but I really need to step away. For a good, long while.

I don't like dealing in certainties, which is why I'm privating everything on here rather than deleting my blog, because maybe one day I'll come back and continue. But right now it's really not healthy for me. This place has grown to become so toxic. I think I'll start focusing on original works instead. Ones I may or may not post to Patreon just... depending, I guess. Writing is still so lovely and I don't want to lose it, but I certainly can't keep it here for now.

I want to apologize to my followers, and my mutals. I cherish every kind message you all have sent to me. I appreciate how considerate you all are, and I'm sorry I don't have the energy to respond half the time. I've deleted tumblr off of my phone, so to the mutuals who want to keep in contact with me, feel free to ask for my discord or something. I'll try to get on to check tumblr every now and then for that.

In the end, I really hope this is just me having some stupid mental breakdown, and that this isn't a forever goodbye, but we'll see.

I'll hopefully be back someday (: if not, I'm sorry and I still love you.

[celestie0]

hi friends, i won’t be posting or updating any of my works for an indefinite period n will be on hiatus from this blog as well.

i’ve unlisted kickoff & ihm on ao3 (haven’t deleted, they’ve just been made private) and i’ve unpinned my masterlist here on tumblr (again nothing’s been deleted so you could probably find the chapters if you searched my tags)

but the reason i did that is because i don’t want any new readers finding my works during my hiatus because i don’t want to potentially upset more people in the event that, during this hiatus, i decide that i would no longer like to write my fics

that would be an insanely sad decision to make. i put so much thought into my stories not because i am trying to make them entertaining, but it’s because they genuinely mean so much to me and are cathartic in ways i can’t describe. i have spent a great majority of my life self negating for the sake of others, and so writing was just a form of expression where i could talk about all the things i’ve suppressed over the years - anxiety, career stress, financial stress, avoidance, depression, loss, coming of age, navigating love, etc

but lately, and i do think it’s been a build up of just some careless words from a handful of people over the months, i find myself steering towards a practice of writing that is no longer asking the question “how can i put as much of myself in this piece as possible?” but rather “how can i make sure people won’t criticize this…i feel awful that it doesn’t have what they want it to have…other creators are doing xyz, should i be doing that too?…i’m just scared to share this”

not exactly sure when that shift in headspace began, but as of right now, it’s as strong as ever. and i understand that those questions may seem irrational, and i just have to try to not focus on the feeling, n i wish i was someone that could compartmentalize those thoughts better, but here’s the thing — the whole reason i started expressing myself through writing in the first place was because i’ve spent my whole life compartmentalizing. it would feel so ironic & untrue to the lessons i’ve learned in this journey if i just chose to “suck this up” and continue pushing forward until i reach a point of burnout simply because i don’t want to upset anyone

i’m really sorry i couldn’t focus on the positive. especially with all the insane n incredible amount of love n support i’ve received for my works. i’ve said this time n time again but when i started posting kickoff to ao3 back in january of this year, i had NO idea it would be this loved by so many people…i was like ok can’t wait to interact w these four readers for the rest of the year…and then BAM, i find myself fully sobbing after each chapter update because i was so touched by all the sweet n kind words. i don’t want this decision to come off in a way that makes it seems like i don’t love u guys sm or that i’m ungrateful — i’ve always taken pride in respecting my audience. even for a simple hobby, i try to put effort into my works. i proofread, i plan out, i edit in length, all because i am, well, for one, i’m a bit of a perfectionist LOL but also i think there’s a great deal of honor in respecting an audience that gives you their time n attention

but i already am struggling in my life to focus on the positive. medicine has been such an incredibly daunting career to pursue, i’m honestly only doing slightly better now because i’m just filled with relief that i got into med school to begin with lol it’s still surreal to me, so the stress has been kinda manageable so far on that sense of optimism, but dear god the shit i went through to get here…and the shit i know i still face ahead of me. i spend all of my serotonin on trying to stay positive in the face of my responsibilities. so all of this time i’ve spent trying to stay positive for the sake of my stories too has just left me with so much exhaustion — i just don’t see why posting my works should be anything less than fun and endlessly exciting when it’s a hobby that’s supposed to help me thru the actual brunt of life.

anyways, i’m getting a little carried away here. all this to say, i just need to take time away from posting my works so i can see writing as something for myself n not for others again. i don’t want the thoughts swimming in my head to be thoughts of anxiety over people potentially criticizing me n my creative decisions. i want the thoughts in my head to once again be positive, excited, and nurturing towards my stories. i don’t see how i can accomplish that at this point unless i start writing for myself once more, and not for others

i still have a great deal of passion to write, which is why i haven’t formally taken down my works. i anticipate that i may be able to come back in the future to share my writing again. but as of right now, i just want to heal the relationship that i have with this hobby, and i feel like that’s gotta happen in private (lmfao it sounds like im tryna freak my writing)

i’m sorry that i turned off my asks n my replies, i know so many of u care about me n want to support me n i just am beyond thankful. i don’t anticipate this is a forever goodbye, but i do just need some time rn away from all of this.

hope u all have a happy time!! and take care of yourselves :) much love

- ellie

[mirandyficlists]

Hi hi! I’d like to know what your Top 10 Holy Grail fics are? Like I’m talking about fics you would reccommend in a heart beat, fics that you feel are written extremely well that they feel like they should be published or something, fics that have really good pacing, right amount of fluff, angst, or smut. Or even ones that are just silly and fun. It would be cool to read some of your favs!

Hey Nonnie

First my standard answer to the top ten query...10!!! 10!!! You think i can narrow it down to 10!! LOLOLOL

Secondly, I'm flattered you want to know my preferences as a guide...but then that's what my spreadsheet is all about I guess. lol

Okay I did manage to keep myself to 30 fics and I will say I would live quite happily if the first 10 were all I was ever allowed to read for the ret of my life. Just saying. Heh

I've also included my reviews of each fic from my Spreadsheet of 2250+ Mirandy fics to explain my love for the fics.

If you want the fics that are no longer online just message me privately with your email and I'll send my zipped file of deleted Mirandy fics your way.

Happy Reading Nonnie

All the Breast

XVNot15

Top ten and why?

The Lady And Her Dragons by Bearblue https://archiveofourown.org/works/21738811/chapters/51860098

(WIP) OMG!!!!!!!!!!  So amazingly wonderful and magical and well just damned hot!  Full of myth and magic, Miranda and Cruella are real Dragons and Andy is their Lady. Magical machinations and battles ensue. The story is compelling and Bearblue controls the content of magical information absolutely beautifully, you're interest is captured, but you're not over whelmed with more information than what is required for the story she is telling.  Again it has to be said. OMG!!! I have now read this fic over 500 times…and I mean that! Have read it once a week and sometimes 2 or 3 times a week for more than a decade.

Truth and Measure by Telanu https://archiveofourown.org/works/779826/chapters/1468543

The downfall of my anti Mirandy life that dragged me kicking and cursing into the heart of the Mirandyverse. This is what I call a Simchat Torah story. Much like the holiday in which the last chapter of Torah is read and then the first chapter immediately afterward to start the cycle again. And that's just what I did with this one. Miranda discovers after the separation with Stephen that she is pregnant and as she copes with that Andy helps her and eventually Miranda proposes a mutually beneficial relationship...which Andy then proceeds to turn on its head almost immediately. Excellently written and adored the characterisations of both women.

It’s All Relative by Hawkbehere https://archiveofourown.org/works/5884348/chapters/13561771

OMFG!! This is an amazing story. Well written and excellently paced as well. Post Paris H/C piece where Miranda is shot and Andy runs to her side to help and care for her.. A very complex and interesting characterisation of both M and A. The hints at Sub/dom with true love and respect were pitched absolutely meltingly perfect And the passion of Miranda's need for Andy is mind blowing.

Small Favors Series  by Chillyflame https://archiveofourown.org/works/2793701/chapters/6270377

Andy wins a press award and sees Miranda. They talk and Andy acknowledges her feelings to herself. Andy sends a lily as a thank you. Hot first kiss in the conference room at the Mirror. The girls are very supportive as the relationship develops. INTERLUDE - Hot late night quickie in Miranda's office.  BEAUTIFUL THINGS - sees the development  of the relationship through some early rough spots. They're outed by Miranda's PR firm. Loved the twins with their pudding balloon bombs. HERE TO STAY - GOOD FORTUNE –

Fur No Thanks I’d Rather Go Naked by Writtensword (Deleted but I have the fic and can send it.)

Ooooooooooo so totally wonderful this story read it 3 times one after the other. Miranda is magically turned into a Mink and only Andrea can hear her speak and she takes care of her as they try to undo the spell. The characterisation of Mink Miranda is sooooooooooooooo terrific I want more Mink tales. heh  Lovely denoument when Miranda turns back to her human form.

Like Andrea Series by Ginstan https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940092

Ooooooooooooooo romance, mystery, intrigue and damn fine writing! Loved this fic! Andy is alerted to the fact that Miranda needs help when Runway does an edition where every single model looks like her. She comes to Miranda's rescue and their relationship develops super fast and super beautifully..  And beautiful mini FOL crossover! heheh I adore the characterisations of a vulnerable Miranda and a very soft butch Andy.

A Failure to Communicate by thelastgoodname https://archiveofourown.org/works/5300144

Miranda decides to Marry Andy and is busy dictating the plans to Andy just one problem... She hasn't actually asked Andy out on a date yet or anything else.  Cue a very confused Andy and a backpeddling Miranda. Ohhh my aching sides!!!! This is just soooooooooooo funny and sooooo well written.It's just brilliant!

Admiration by Punky_96 https://archiveofourown.org/works/14936337

Swooooooooooon!! Total romance and way HOT sex too! Miranda has a secret (not to us though) admirer who is leaving her daily gifts and notes. She becomes smitten and isn't quite sure until the big reveal.  Beautifully written and I loved it, but it ends rather abruptly.

The Brutal Truth by Redcharcoal (Removed as it was published…both are AWESOME! FF is available in the FB Mirandy Group and in my deleted fic file.)

Wonderfully well written piece. Miranda claims to only want the Brutal truth and ends up having a bet with Andrea that she can't get an exclusive interview with a famous designer and the stakes are one day of absolute honesty for Andrea and one week for Miranda. Andy outs Stephen as a predator and Miranda fires her...but then she gets the exclusive interview with the Deuchamps and they become her friends.

Miranda’s Runway series by Jehc https://archiveofourown.org/works/1242412/chapters/2552452

Oh the joy of a well written and well crafted characterisation piece.  Love this 4 years post Paris piece with Andy having a daughter she has actually named Miranda but who she calls Mandy who is somehting of an artistic prodigy. Andy has written a series of amazingly successful books on fashion but remains anonymous until she trades her privacy to foil Irvs latest almost successful coups against Miranda.  Things follow on from there, when little Mandy meets Randa and they fall for each other as hard as Miranda falls for Andrea.  Amazing fic.

The Fall and the Landing & 90 Days to Glory by Brithna/Ash_Mountain https://archiveofourown.org/works/481161

Warning: Character Death. My God almighty what a powerful piece of writing! This is not fanfiction, this is life, this is the most skillful playing of all that it is to be human, fragile, and to hold friendship and love as the reward for the pain and challenge that those prizes intrinsically bring with them. Have tissues ready, and be prepared to read with your heart and know that love is the force that truly connects all life.

On a Tractor by Bearblue https://archiveofourown.org/works/11696331/chapters/26333922

OMG! Absolutely brilliantly written long post Paris piece. Andy lends up inheriting a farm which she decides to run and she becomes quite the nature photographer as well. Miranda wants her farm for a photoshoot and goes out to visit and things take their natural course. Bear's writing is incredibly fluid and tinglingly evocative. Love the characterisation of Andy in this one. A Simchat Torah - immediate re-reader.

Break it Down With Joy by Winter156 https://archiveofourown.org/works/1394080

A drabble that is sheer perfection. A and M are friends, Andy has declared her love but Miranda has stated that they will never have a physical relationship, Andy stays anyway, suffering the pain of incompleteness, until that moment of decision. Excellently written, and soooo poignant.

By Heart by Chillyflame https://archiveofourown.org/works/2673044/chapters/5976851

Swooooooooooon, mushfest!! With lovely hot sexiness too. A H/C tale where Andy ends up with a broken leg on a ski weekend and Miranda cares for her in their cabin as they get snowed in for a couple of days and the heating fails heheh. But there is a fireplace and while 'keeping warm' one thing leads to another.

Basic Black by Beachbum https://archiveofourown.org/works/29045490

Brava BB, a lovely piece set post Paris. Nigel who has stayed friends with Andy decides to play matchmaker for the two women in his life. The description of Andy's suit was totally droolsome. And the love scene, wow, took my breath away. Loooooooooved the ending, god Miranda in nothing but a white dress shirt, but still so totally confident and in control of the situation. Yowsa!!

Disarming Athena by Politic X https://archiveofourown.org/works/11921940/chapters/26942895

Wonderful but sometimes distressing psychological exploration that occurs between Miranda and Andy. Many of the interactions take place in the elevator. Miranda appears to be torturing Andy with invitations and demands for her to touch her clothes but not her. Then she fires Andy and this behaviour continues as Andy works her notice.  Eventual happy ending.

Hidden Yet Bright by needled_ink https://archiveofourown.org/works/97340

Swoooooooooooooon, a beautiful and well written short of a developing friendship gently shifting into more but without strings. Loved the chartacterisations of both Andy and Miranda.

In Some Quite Casual Way by Winter156 https://archiveofourown.org/works/621060/chapters/1120824

Holy mother of mountains what a fic. From a request for a story that involved a character with wings. Miranda is a fallen angel of sorts and saves Andy when she falls out a skyscraper window. Declarations of love, and serious sweaty snugglebunnies followed by major storyline and escellent denouement. Gret writing, amazing story, just amazing.

Lost Treasures by Jazwriter  (Removed as it was published…both are AWESOME! FF is available in the FB Mirandy Group and in my deleted fic file.)

  Wow! Andy works as a sales clerk and then a Window dresser in  a small boutique. Her window designs cpature Miranda's attention and fascination. She takes Andy under her wing and mutual attraction sparks. Great little fic.

Objects and Space by Stormashke https://archiveofourown.org/works/15126698

Absolutely Stunning!!!!  Compellingly written with just the right meter and timing. Wonderful internal dialogue from Miranda's pov in an established relationship. She travels through the different rooms of the house noting the evidence of Andy's presence that still bug her…but also noting their indications of Andy's space in her heart and the twins heart and the things she will live with in that space of love.

Rebellious Lock & When Locks Get Locked by Quiethearted http://ralst.com/RebelliousLock.HTM

Ohh soooooooo funny!!!! Miranda's hair has a mind of it's own and it's concentrating on one particular brunette. This is comic writing at it's best. I'm still chuckling.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee, sequel!  Woohoo, Miranda's hair has awakened an interest from Andy's hair and all is set for the clash of the tresses. Oh soooo wonderfully funny, I so hope this series continues, I want postcoital follicle frolics. Heheh

Sharp Relief by chillyflame https://archiveofourown.org/works/2672990/chapters/5976701

AMAZING fic!!!!! Wow Andy gets a call reporting that Miranda has died in a car crash on her way to her weekend cabin. She goes into shock and faces the fact of how much she loved her. She helps with the twins and stays at the townhouse until there is another call that send her and the girls out into the night chasing a hope agaisnt hope.  So amazing this.

The Lily and the Crown by Telanu (now published) https://archiveofourown.org/works/750438/chapters/1400746

Andren is the reclusive daughter of one of the Empires most capable Station Masters. Assistant - her new slave is the dread space Pirate Queen Mir. Seduction, debauchery, abandonment and redemption in this Space Swashbuckler.Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Gaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwdddddddddd!!!!!!!!!  Wow!!!! Fluids!!!!!!! This is just soooooooooooo wonderfully hot and romantic and hot and well good god I loved it. Okay, perhaps the Andren character was a little bit tooo clueless, but perhaps wonderfully evocative of another time. Still it was a great story and really interesting.

Unexpected Grace by Silverie https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9092005/1/Unexpected-Grace

Amazingly well written fic starting with amazing dream sequances of ancient days and a Goddess/priestess Miranda, perfectly mirrored in a waking world of events. Andy expands her life into music when she comes to own a beautiful guitar decorated with a dragon...linking to her desire for a certain dragon lady.  Lyrically written. Brilliant!!!!

A not exactly storybook romance by writetherest https://archiveofourown.org/works/923207/chapters/1793725

An AU where Andy is independently wealthy and owns a book store which Cassidy starts to visit daily as Andy befriends her. Eventually Miranda and she meet and after a bad decision it's a wonderfully sweet love story. Absolutely wonderful romance done here, adore the shier sweeter Andy.

Farsighted by emeraldorchids https://archiveofourown.org/works/6129537/chapters/14047437

Excellent mid length piece. All from Miranda's pov, chronicling how she and Andrea slip into a wonderful and easy friendship after Paris, that several months later morphs into more. What I love is the realness of Miranda in this fic as a full fledged human being all balance and counter balance with strengths and weaknesses.  And I enjoyed the reality check and stunned Miranda after Andy kisses her. As well as the gradual exploration afterward. The upshot with the page six comment picture in bed is a perfect ending.

Four Corners by Chillyflame https://archiveofourown.org/works/1039309/chapters/2073686

Truth be told, this is a ten star effort. I looooved it! A phenomonally wonderful piece, well written and amazingly characterised. All told from Cassidy's pov as she lives her parents divorce, the advent and demise of Stephen and the new and wonderful inclusion of Andy in her mother's and the twins lives.

Caught Between the Moon and New York City Series  by Punky_96 https://archiveofourown.org/series/1027544

Brilliant story of Miranda as a werewolf and pack leadercaptured by a secret research facility that captures and studies paranormal creatures where Andy works.  Grat adventure unfolds as they escape and Andy's true nature is discovered. Excellently written and intriguing backstory.

After Dark by LiteraryAssasin https://archiveofourown.org/works/20560673/chapters/48807857

A wonderfully characterised slow burn, friends to lovers fic. Well written and engaging of course, from an excellent bard. Andy grows a backbone in the best and most proactive way…almost swapping some of her softness for some of Miranda’s firmness so that they can both balance themselves and each other. I adored Miranda’s oh so careful way of helping Andy while trying also not to overwhelm her with that help.  A nifty little sub pairing of a mirrored couple is so seamlessly done it’s just amazing.  Also touches on an idea I’ve had for quite some time…may have to dust that one off.

If and When by Kamuraskan https://archiveofourown.org/works/12821418/chapters/29271045

WOOT!!! No greater love hath a Bard for another Bard than to make an offering in a completely unfamiliar fandom. (Thanks Gin.) Most wonderfully well written and amazing Disaster/survival fic. Andy uncovers a terrorist plot to blow up the EC building the night the VP is attending a party there. She isn't believed by Homeland security so she approaches the new CEO of EC...Miranda they manage to evacuate the building but are still on the 20th floor when the bombs go off....suspense, love and amazingness commence.

[st-dorothy-minority]

RadioApple one-shot

I both really don't want to post this and kind of do. So probably only have it up for 48 hours like I did the last one before deleting it and wondering why I post my dumb work.🤦‍♀️

I like comments, so if you want to feed me one, that's cool.

Duck, Duck, No

****

Alastor knew the exact buttons to push to cut someone down to the core. It was a talent he excelled at. Studying and learning what he could about a person in order to have the upper hand when it came to making a deal or making them wish they’d never challenged him was his specialty. He thrived on sniffing out a weakness and capitalizing on it for devastating effects.

In the heat of arguing, Lucifer was no different than anyone else. He was just another poor soul who dared to rattle the beast inside of him, leading him to exploit one of the devil’s biggest soft spots –

His beloved duckies.

“Honestly, it’s laughable! You’re the king of Hell, ruler of all sinners, and you care for these things as if they had any actual significance for existing. It’s pathetic how many you’ve accumulated over the centuries. And of all animals, a duck?! A pitiful creature that can easily be torn apart and has no real value. Seriously, Lucifer – you should be embarrassed. If these are the kind of animals you favor, then it’s no wonder you let yourself be a doormat to everyone. At this point, anyone would be a better fit for a king than you.”

While he spewed his vitriol, Alastor failed to notice how Lucifer’s posture began to slouch and his shoulders slumped. His rage blinded him to the shift in Lucifer’s eyes that were now filled with unbelievable shame and welling with tears. His antlers and tentacles were at full span, and his menacing aura suffocated whatever remained of Lucifer’s. The flames, horns, and tail that had manifested on Lucifer’s body disappeared; he clutched his arm, bowed his head, and closed his eyes as Alastor laid into him and destroyed him where it hurt most.

“Well? Nothing more to say, hm?” Alastor taunted, oblivious to how severely he had already defeated someone he claimed to love. “Don’t tell me you can’t even defend yourself now. This was just getting good.”

Lucifer was clearly shaking, and he did his best to quiet his sniffling. Without a word, he disappeared in a swirl of red and gold.

****

It had always been his private sanctuary. Lilith knew to keep disturbances to a minimum while he was in here; even Charlie wasn’t allowed inside except for special occasions or for a goodnight hug and kiss. There were times when he felt self-conscious and even ashamed by the amount of ducks he’d crafted and surrounded himself with, but they’d been the only constant in his life. They didn’t expect anything from him. They didn’t betray him.

He'd been persecuted, made fun of, and lost everything because he decided to love - to love ducks rather than majestic birds; to love Lilith rather than another angel; to love mankind enough to want them to experience what he thought was a gift: free will.

How foolish….

Still a fool after all these years.

As Lucifer’s eyes surveyed the room, the humiliation brought on by Alastor’s words was beginning to transform into deep-seeded rage. His true devilish appearance re-surfaced as he succumbed to the intense fury that now yearned to be expelled.

With his hands engulfed in flames and eyes pure red to match, Lucifer set fire to his safe space. His haven.

His cherished and adored duckie creations.

He shouted. He cursed. He took handfuls of his flock and crushed them, letting their remains slip from his grasp like sand.

When it was all over, there was nothing left but piles of ash and dust.

One slow step at a time, he walked around the room amid the ruin. As the air gradually cleared, it was then he saw a lone duck that remained. Hands poised to set it ablaze, he suddenly paused, and pupils returned to his glowing red eyes as he stared at it quizzically. He steadily approached, picked it up, dusted it off, and all at once, he was transported back to the memory of receiving it.

It was a stuffed animal, not one that he'd made, but rather that Lilith had sewn and crafted together just for him while she was pregnant with Charlie. It was one of her first attempts and very good, in Lucifer’s opinion. She’d wanted to perfect her skills in order to make simple and cute toys for Charlie before she was born.

Falling to his knees, Lucifer clutched the homemade duckie to his chest, buried his face against it, and began to sob uncontrollably.

“Look at little Lucifer – mesmerized by the ducks again. Hey Lucifer! Why don’t you spend your time obsessing over something actually impressive and worthy of admiration, like an eagle or an owl? Those ducks are worthless. Quit wasting your time with them.”

“Are you crazy, Lucifer?! You’re an archangel! God has even called you His most beautiful servant! What are you thinking, falling in love with the human woman?! Don’t be stupid and drop it!”

“You’re such an idiot!” “Traitor!” “How could you sin against your own Father?!” “You’ve ruined everything!” “Because of you, the world is going to be filled with darkness!” “How could you be so disobedient and selfish?!” “Your ideas are poison.” “You’re dangerous.” “You will never be welcome here again.”

It was an hour before he laid down in a bed of ash, still clinging to the stuffed animal duckie, and quietly cried himself to sleep.

****

The air felt heavy and smelled strongly of smoke. With every step Alastor took towards Lucifer’s workroom, the symptoms of fire grew stronger. He assumed Lucifer had erupted in a fit of rage, but he never suspected Lucifer to do what he’d done until he opened the doors and witnessed for himself.

Shock kept Alastor rooted to the spot, eyes wide and stunned as he looked about the room. He took it in, took all of it in. There was no more vibrant color, no more piles of yellow – the significance of what had been burned, it ate away at his heart.

Near the middle of the area, he spotted the familiar white garb and carefully began to stroll towards the prone form resting on the floor. Lucifer’s cheeks were dirtied from the ash, but it was visibly apparent how much he’d cried from the thin, clean lines the tears had left on his face. The way in which he was curled up and hugging the only duckie left gave him the appearance of a child, causing the sight to tug even more at Alastor’s heartstrings.

“Oh Luci,” he whispered regretfully and knelt beside him. He brushed back the strands of hair ghosting over the devil’s visage before conjuring a blanket and covering the other demon with it as if tucking him into bed.

“I’m deeply sorry, my dear….”

****

----Several Hours Later----

Lucifer blearily opened his eyes, sat up slowly, rubbed his face, and abruptly froze when his gaze landed on Alastor, who was sitting upright against the nearest wall and seemingly asleep. It took everything within Lucifer to not come undone all over again just from seeing him.

As if he had an acute sense of minimal movement, Alastor opened an eye to confirm he was right.

“You were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to move you,” he offered gently.

Lucifer stared at the floor and kept his head lowered, saying nothing.

“About last night-”

“Don’t,” Lucifer murmured in a trembling voice. “Just don’t. Not now.”

“Luci-”

“I SAID ‘DON’T’,” Lucifer snapped irately as he stood up, flames briefly materializing around him. He started for the doors, dropping the duckie plushie along the way, and grumbled, “You know where the door is. See your way out.”

Unbeknownst to Lucifer, Alastor trailed behind him in shadow to observe and make sure he didn’t do anything else drastic. The remorse for what he’d said returned exponentially while he watched Lucifer standing in the shower with the water cascading down his petite body, his face buried in his hands, shoulders slumped and shaking as he wept.

Alastor knew how draining Lucifer’s explosive and emotional episodes could be, was pleased to see his lover was going to try and get more rest when he slid under the covers of the large bed after a lengthy hot shower and ultimately closed his eyes. It was only then that Alastor finally obeyed the request and took his leave.

****

A few days passed without any communication between the two of them. Alastor wasn’t worried; they’d gone a week without talking in the past. He was giving Lucifer his space, and in the meantime, he was contemplating how best to apologize to him.

When several more days passed and he learned Lucifer had declined multiple requests from Charlie to spend time with him and proceeded to stop responding altogether, that was when he began to worry.

There was no way Lucifer would want to see him if he wasn’t even capable of seeing his own daughter, and there was no way he could begin to replace all that Lucifer had lost.

But he had an idea of where to start.

****

Another week passed, and still, Lucifer could barely get out of bed most days. Today proved the most productive by the simple fact he made it as far as the couch in the main living room. With TV remote in one hand and a half-consumed bottle of whiskey in the other, he disinterestedly channel surfed despite his mind not being able to focus on anything but how shattered he still felt.

At first, he thought he imagined the doorbell and knocking noise, yet when it repeated for a second and third time (each being louder than the last), he decided to get up and sauntered to the front door. He really didn’t want guests, but apparently whoever it was was persistent.

When he opened the door, his expression became utterly confused; there was no one.

“Hello?” he called weakly.

No answer.

He was about to close the door; however, he glanced downward and paused. Slowly, he crouched down and studied the objects left on the porch. There were seven duckies lined up, each one painted to look like Charlie and her original hotel companions. Dumbfounded, he picked up the one that resembled Charlie, inspected it from all angles, and noticed writing on the bottom.

“You QUACK me up, dad! Love, Charlie.”

Tears instantly flooded his eyes, and he continued to pick them up individually to admire and read the kind words underneath. Once he got to Alastor’s, he greatly hesitated, pulled his hand away numerous times before taking a deep breath and welcoming it into his hands. The message was the shortest out of all of them, though it had the deepest impact:

“I love you.”

He fell apart entirely at this and held the duckie to his chest. Seconds later, he felt someone’s presence, yet he kept his eyes shut tightly as he cried and soon melted in the embrace of his lover.

“I’m so very sorry, Luci,” Alastor whispered. “I was terribly wrong. I’d like to beg for your forgiveness….And I thought it could be fun if we started a new collection….together.”

Lucifer buried his face against Alastor’s chest and nodded, reveling in the touch of familiar hands petting his hair and rubbing his back.

“Perhaps I should begin calling you my ‘precious little duckling’,” Alastor teased. He was delighted when he heard a tiny, muffled laugh from Lucifer. “Like it?”

Lucifer nodded.

“Alright then, my precious little duckling. Let’s go take care of you and find a temporary home for these ducklings inside.”

[11queensupreme11]

Another bit from Sally=Loki that might have to get the chop but I thought was too funny to not delete. Can you guess who Percy had just met? (It's Apollo, also to answer your earlier question Percy sounds more educated because 1) Loki is very educated and children learn to speak by mimicing parents so compared to Sally who is a high school dropout, nothing wrong with that, just Loki just has a broader vocabulary 2) Loki would accept nothing less then a fantastic education for his child so Percy does go to a good school and has Loki being very supportive at home, 3) Loki has a lot of run ins with the authorities and taught Percy specific phrases. After all mortal doctors could notice something was up with her if they looked so Percy was trained to deny care, if you asked her about some other topic she would not sound that good)

“Why have you returned?” Poseidon demanded “And where is your minder?”

Percy shrugged and replied, “Ares was trying to show me some statues and murals when a strange naked man appeared and started touching Ares all over the place and tried to chase me.”

Her uncle Zeus made a strange noise like a squeaky toy, he should probably see a doctor about that she thought. “Mom and my teachers and the school resource officers all said if I see a person not wearing all their clothes or exposing their privates I’m supposed to run away and find a trusted adult. Ares didn’t seem super available, and you were closest, and it is your day, but I guess I can go back to my grandpa’s house if you’re busy.”

For a moment everything was silent and then Uncle Hades suddenly lunged forward tackling her father who had started to rise back into his seat. “Oh my, that must have been very scary for you” replied her Uncle Hades voice rough and teeth gritted with exertion. Vaguely she could hear her father start to say something only to be quickly cut off by a hissed “Language!” from said Uncle.

Uncle Zeus laughed like someone who knew they were about to fail to negotiate their way out of being kneecapped by the mob and blabbered out, “You didn’t interrupt anything important, no siree, we were just finishing up, now if you will excuse me I just remembered I haven’t seen my children in an bit and must check in on them” all while he fled the room, carefully keeping the table between him and her father. Percy wondered why all the adults on this side of the family constantly acted like they were raised by baboons. With a sigh she turned back to her remaining “adults” and said “Public indecency is illegal, as is exposing yourself to a minor. I believe this is where you are supposed to call the authorities.”

Percy was very proud of herself for remembering all of that from the stranger danger talk at school (mom would have probably castrated the man rather than call the cops but as Percy had recently learned mom also had a history with the law here so she probably had to rely on her own conflict resolution skills… which would explain a lot actually. As the old man who ran the bodega had said, a criminal who calls the cops is a dead criminal). Admittedly she did not ever expect to need to need it as any adult who worked with children with any frequency at all seemed aware of this particular procedure, however she supposed she could give daddy a pass since he was one, very new to this and two, she was starting to doubt he or his siblings had been raised by sentient life at all. So, some ignorance was probably unavoidable on his part, she just hoped the rapid reddening of his face was not due to anger directed at her over being told what to do. Maybe he was embarrassed that he didn’t know already? Mom always said there was nothing embarrassing about learning. However, last time she corrected a boy in her class he cried, she hoped this was not another Joey Klingler situation because she really didn’t think she would be able to get daddy to stop yelling by distracting him by triple-dog-daring him to eat a fistful of sand.

i love how no matter the universe, percy's first interaction with ror!apollo always has to do with him being naked 💀

BUT I LOVE THIS!!! I hope you don't end up deleting it cuz it is a funny scene but if you do... i will treasure this post forever 😔😔😔

[selfportrait27]

Ween fans of Tumblr. Come over to ween.wiki and help us build a new knowledge base for future fans.

I didn't start the wiki, I just got pissed off a couple of months ago and posted this on r/ween. To my surprise, people actually listened. We now have a few regular contributors, but it's time to start reaching out to the rest of the Ween web, and I'm starting here on Tumblr for a reason.

The fuck-you spirit of Ween and punk rock seems to have actually survived on this platform. Despite Tumblr's best efforts, this has mercifully not become a Nice Normal Place for Nice Normal People. There's a beautifully unhinged quality to all Ween fans that still circulates in the air supply here, that when you see it on reddit for example, you know that it's being allowed to happen.

Anyway, check out my original post on Reddit, or you can read the text below. Then saunter back to the Ween Wiki house and take a look around. If you see anything you think you can help with, go for it. You can find my user page here.

Full text of my post from r/ween:

If you didn't know, there is a Ween wiki just sitting there waiting for us to fill it in.

I know it isn’t very well maintained or reliable. That’s because we’re not using it. It’s a community database, not someone’s personal website. It’s supposed to be maintained by the fan base, that’s the point of a knowledge commons.

Let’s say, for example, if 50 of us make one quick, low-effort change to the wiki in the next month or so. That would already be a big improvement. If it’s the first and last time for you, you will have made a contribution.

Here are some little things you can do anonymously, without an account or a username: 

~Add lyrics to a song.~ 

Change lyrics that someone else added. (It updates instantly, this isn’t genius.com.)

Add a page that you think should be there - you can leave it blank for others to fill in if you don’t want to do it.

Delete something if you think it’s wrong -  you don’t need to have something to replace it with in order to do this. Removing something counts as a contribution. If it turns out to be right after all, it can be put back.

Ditto if you see a citation that you don’t trust - you can just remove the source. Now it’s a ‘citation needed’ situation, which gives others an opportunity to do something.

Correct a minor spelling error, it can literally be that small.

Don’t share private material without permission, but other than that, it can be just about anything at this point, as long as it keeps the ~recent changes page~ ~active.~ Even if you’re new and you don’t know much about Ween, you almost certainly know something that isn’t there yet. Remember you can edit anonymously, so nobody can give you shit if you get it wrong. What they can do is change it.

A few notes:

Why do we need this, when we can just ask someone more reliable? Because it’s too much pressure to expect any person to be reliable all of the time*.* It might sound counter-intuitive, but having a community database that “just anyone” can edit actually creates more accountability, because we’re all responsible for its content, rather than expecting a few people to do all the work and get everything right. This is an opportunity to make a contribution to the legacy of Ween and their fan base, one that’s at least a little better than the stew of info and misinfo that’s out there now. It’s also a chance to help ensure that the good work people are doing on projects like Ween Archived doesn’t just end up getting mixed in with all the bullshit~.~

You don’t need to know what you’re doing. I’m a tech-moron - seriously, my 80-year-old father probably knows how to use Media Wiki better than I do. Even I figured out how to make a few basic edits. We’re going for minimal effort here, so even if you think it won’t make a difference, it will only have cost you a minute of your life.  Do a sloppy, half-assed job. Make a tiny improvement to someone else’s sloppy, half-assed job. Do it now or later - a community database is a long term, ongoing project and there’s no deadline for anything.

But people will just use it to troll? Yeah, they might. They can already do that now. If that’s what you want to use it for, you’re going to anyway. Here’s a couple of things worth remembering:

Nobody needs to put in a ton of work only to risk having it spoiled. There’s enough of us that your individual contribution can be as tiny as you want, and it still counts.

Again, anybody can delete information, so dealing with troll entries doesn’t just fall to one person or a few people. It’s unlikely that we’re gonna have a troll problem that’s too big for the rest of us to handle.

Sorry to be cheesy, but if we’re too scared to do anything, then my friends, the trolls have already won.

One last thing. You can do this and still hate everybody and complain as much as you want, nobody can take that away from you. You can even feel better about complaining, knowing that at least you did something. And if you want to tell me to shut up, who the fuck do I think I am etc, then you’ll still have plenty of time to do that too.

Come on, people. Two children who couldn’t play their guitars yet started a band without a drummer, and we can’t build a better community wiki than this, with all the tools in front of us? Of course we fucking can.

[memryse]

talk on the dash about the state of hermitblr and yeah i agree i think this fandom is like. really obsessed with validation and appearances which i guess comes with the territory of a lot of us being adults/older teens and liking minecraft youtubers and subconsciously feeling weird about that not being an accepted thing. which i think is fine and normal to a certain degree i certainly fall into that trap sometimes but sometimes that morphs into shutting anything and everything down for the sake of appearing Nice and No Discourse and Not Like The Other MCYT Fandoms and being absolutely vehemently fucking defensive of every single little thing

idk i have a lot of feelings about the cat poll because i do feel culpable for everything that happened there, there wasn’t really any talk about the creator in the notes at all until my reblog. logically it was not my fault when all i did was make one reblog that i deleted after a few hours and certainly did not call for any kind of harassment, if anything i had people in the notes telling me i should be More mad but. there’s not really anything i can do about that and any apology would be more to assuage that feeling of guilt rather than making things better for the person who actually suffered the harassment at all. but seeing it all happen did seriously make me think about how fucked up this fandom can be, watching it morph so rapidly from “they said this cruel thing, that’s really fucked up�� to me realising they already spoke about it and thus deciding to leave it alone on my end to the reblogs just going up and up and up and the op speaking about it again and it becoming “let’s win this to spite the op” (personally not sure how that one works exactly) and spreading it to twitter specifically encouraging people to make accounts to join the poll and again “spite the op” and also with very little regard for scar, The Actual Owner Of The Cat, potentially seeing any of it or whether he’d want anyone acting like that over HIS cat. like that is just actual targeted harassment over some kind of moral crusade over a stranger’s cat. and idk in a vacuum i don’t think anyone would be in the wrong per se for finding the initial comment upsetting but eventually it just became more about punishing the person

but then on the other end of the spectrum there’s no real room for discussion about certain topics within the fandom either because of a desperation to not repeat 2019 and not be like twitter because we have to be Better and Nicer and Not Do Discourse but in a shocking twist of events this has resulted in a fandom that is still Really Fucking Toxic and lets certain genuinely wrong things slide for the sake of keeping the peace but when something bad does get addressed it turns into a swarm of harassment and death threats that nobody will ever own up to being responsible for. i like to think i manage to stay on the good side of things by only being sporadically active to begin with (aka having other interests and a life) and generally leaving most of my opinions to private conversation until i feel the need to write a thinkpiece like this every so often but even then it’s exhausting looking in sometimes

[illusionremember]

Trying to find work after college has been one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. Not in the sense of being embarrassed to work. Not in the sense of work is beneath me. I want to work. I really enjoy editing. I want the satisfaction and the productivity and being able to do something useful. Paycheck would be nice too. But job hunting is, by design, exposing yourself and being vulnerable and proving your worth to complete strangers who Do Not Care About You. It is, straight up, a humiliating experience and I feel like people talk about how frustrating and defeating it can feel, but I've never heard anyone mention the humiliation. Here I am, looking for entry level work in my field. I do in fact have previous work experience that I feel like should be more than enough to prove myself, but for "entry level" jobs they ask for qualifications better suited to.... you know... NONentry level work. So I scrape together my degree and my experience with freelancing and literary journals and tutoring college students and working as an instructional assistant, and put it all on paper and hand it off. I take my time answering all their additional questions, which ask for the same things I just put on my resume. I take their little proof-of-knowledge tests, I write my short essay responses, I write cover letter after cover letter that describes the ways I can be an asset to them and how this job will help me to learn new skills and develop professionally and that's why it's the current My Dream Job(tm). And everything I put forth I do so with the earnestness of a third grader bringing home his straight-As & Bs report card for mom and dad to sign off on. Or like I'm presenting a piece of child art that I can see is messy and Not Right and at least hoping for acknowledgement. I'm a whole-ass adult with actual years of experience, I'm not aiming high at all, and this process still makes me feel so juvenile. Here's my work! How'd I do? Can I have a sticker for my efforts? I literally have that same feeling - like I'm a child who can only do so much with what has been available to me, but I'm doing my absolute best, and I'm even doing well for someone in my position.

And we get ghosted. I put hours and hours of labor into job hunting and applications, and most of them cannot even be bothered to send me a message confirming they got my resume. It is literally humiliating. I once had someone message me on LinkedIn (a mass message, I realized later) inviting me to apply to a freelancer's agency. Great! I made an account, filled out the paperwork, I ticked all the boxes, until the last one, which asked me to list out at least seven (7) bestsellers that I had worked on, with links to their listings. It would not let me proceed or submit my application for consideration without these. That's when it finally clicks - this agency is exclusively for years-of-experience editors, ones that are sick of working for the Big Five, that want to quit their jobs and go private. I am still in the entry-level zone. I don't have that yet. So I deleted my account. That was over a year ago and to this day they still send me emails about seminars and classes as if I were a client rather than an employee applicant.

I don't understand how they keep a workforce going without hiring people. Without hiring new people passionate about the work and offering training. If they only want to hire people with experience, you first need.... people who've worked entry level to gain experience. How does this make any sense???

[captainsteveamericarogers]

Why are you so quiet? Everyone has gone insane and making up new facts every five minutes, you're usually the first one to lose your patience and lay it down. You're obviously on Chris' side yet you're letting people talk shit about him. You need to say something!!

I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted. You talk as if I'm some matriarch of the fandom when in fact I'm just a mediocre fanfic writer who is exhausted with this whole debacle and it's barely been two weeks. Nobody listens to me!

Today I saw a magnificent example of both Chinese whispers and alternative facts in this fandom. The person who alleged that CE was at her work for medical imaging, who I suspect was also the author of the now-deleted Reddit post, only tweeted that she had found out he was at her work. I appreciate that many people deleted the screenshots of the tweet as it was a gross invasion of his privacy and a HIPAA violation that, if true, would have very serious consequences for both the tweeter and her employer, and that a lot of people didn't see it. But suddenly people were talking about an actual x-ray or MRI image that had been posted and deleted. There was never an image. That didn't stop a few people from saying they knew someone who had seen it, which adds credence to the rumour despite being a lie due to there never being an image.

A lie can run around the world before the truth has got its boots on - The Truth by Terry Pratchett

We are seeing this in action every single day since the People article. I've seen people make the most outlandish claims. Suddenly, everyone has a friend who knows his flight details or what he ate for dinner. It's utterly demented. It's beyond crazy.

Let's go through all of the utter horse shit I can recall from the past fortnight. Shall we have more bullet points?

It's all PR

They have a contract for two years (how could anyone possibly know this?)

Chris obviously cannot stand Alba anywhere near him

The girl in the park who was forced to delete her Twitter was in on it and planted there to record

Chris has been personally seeking out Tumblrinas to block on Twitter

Narrative PR wrote the deranged fan letters to make the fandom "look crazy" (lol) and garner sympathy for Chris

Literally anyone who sticks up for Chris or Alba is, in fact, Chris or Alba or their moms

Alba wore a halter to WDW to show off her tattoo and be recognised (Really? Who on earth is going to recognise her?)

She only flew into FL to record the video and then left immediately (y'all really don't like them spending time together, huh?)

They are reading every single post every single gossip blog writes and using the comments to make their fake PR relationship more convincing

There's more but this is so exhausting. If you take one thing from this post, let it be this. Take EVERYTHING with a pinch of salt, no matter who posts it and how sure they seem. Sometimes people are right and sometimes they are wrong. This fandom has a nasty habit of voicing their opinions as facts, then others take that and run with it, like today with the medical imaging business.

The fact is, nobody cares whether or not you believe it. But you are devoting hours of your life, every single day, dissecting everything and going around and around in circles and it is not healthy. It is not healthy at all. Take some time off or at least talk about something else.

Someone asked what I personally think is happening with Chris and Alba, so I'll leave you with my thoughts. It's serious. They are in love. I think they'll probably get married sooner rather than later. The laser focused comment was an FYI, telling the fandom that he's going to be taking his foot off the gas and concentrating on his private life for the foreseeable future. Take it with a pinch of salt. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[nightzskii]

I'm not deleting every post uugh

★ EDIT: Finally making a new pinned post ❜

SHORT INTRO; Hello! I'm panda/nightskii who alsp goes by maxwell (max for short.) My age will always be in my bio but my birthday is April 6th. I go by he/him and also they/it but I really don't mind just he/him!!! This blog is centered around art or just me reblogging important or self indulging posts! Yoyo ^_^

LONG INTRO UNDER CUT!

AN INTRODUCTION — @nightzskii

Hello, and welcome to my blog!! ^_^ I'm nightzskii [otherwise known as max/maxwell or panda].

— I use other names like Rock, Nini, Len, Craig, and many others that I'll say you can use! I'm a name hoarder, I love names.

☆; My activity on tumblr isn't much, I don't post and when I do it's not really for this blog.. I gotta get used to posting again..??! I might make a blog for all my ocs and characters and their reference sheets. I'll try to respond to mutuals/friends when I can faster than I would with strangers, but sometimes my ability to do such a thing is nonexistent. It's not on any of you!

☆; I'm Black and Puerto Rican! This is what I know because my mom told me. I CANNOT SPEAK OR UNDERSTAND SPANISH!!!?? I can say a few words [only like. two.] and understand SOME phrases, but I lost my ability to understand Spanish since I'm always around people who speak ENGLISH. I do want to relearn however, but I also want to learn Japanese!

☆; I do have disorders that effect(affect??!?) my daily life and how I perceive and understand things. I struggle with some social clues, but I'm not going to force anyone to use tone-tags, I'll just guess and respond!

☆; YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHY PAST POSTS HAVE SYSTEM STUFF IN IT!!! It's because I AM a systsm. I don't use this blog for system stuff anymore however, and I'll be @'ing most blogs I have that's NOT private! Including my altermate's blogs. I am the main host and have been here for the longest!

☆; YOU CAN USE THEY/IT OR ANY OTHER PRONOUNS BESIDE [SHE/HER] ON ME!! I may be seen using he/him for myself, but I'm not that picky on pronouns. I'm agender, and I do NOT care what term is being used for me, including feminine ones! You can call me any word with fems in mind. I don't care.

☆; Any carrds, rentrys, etc I have will be linked/put inna masterlist that I gotta fix. Thank you for your time on this part! edit; hi we have strawpage now

i also have mt personal strawpage here

MY BOUNDARIES — @nightzskii

* VIOLENT syscourse/[pro] endos/non traumagenic ((Let's not harass or be rude to each other. help.))

★; DNI [CHECK STRAWPAGE FOR UPDATED DNI] [pro] Zoos/[No]Maps, Anti Mogai/lgbtqa+phobic, Racist/Colorist, Sexist/Misogynistic, Ableist/Discrimatory, Kink/Nsfw blogs, * Violent Syscourse/[Pro] endos/non traumagenic, [Pro] Ddlg+varients, HARMFUL TransID/Radqueers + anything in that corner, Pro harassment/Pro Misinformation, Villainization + Romanticizing Disorders, Violently religious, GENUINELY WEIRD stans & Fans, Anti age/pet regression. PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT.

★; If you make jokes you can't make [examples being making a joke about being; a black slave when you're white, r//ped (a) when you weren't, m//lest//d (o, e) when you weren't, anything historical when it's not YOUR history] then please DON'T INTERACT EITHER! I can appreciate a "dark joke" when it's something you can actually joke about.

★; If you use AI to steal/generate/etc peoples actual hard working designs, then don't interact. Stay in your cage

★; IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ME OR FEEL UPSET ABOUT WHATEVER I DID/DO/HAVE DONE/ETC, TELL ME! I don't mind talking about it and I'd rather to not strain any friendships if its something that can be talked about!

FINAL NOTES — @nightzskii

☆; I do have old blogs STILL flying about that was WAY BEFORE I FOUND OUT I WAS A SYSTEM! Some of those blogs were made by myself before i "molded" [fused, but I don't know I should use that word???] with the old OLD host at the time who ALSO ran those blogs. OUR VIEWS FROM IT HAVE CHANGED BY NOW! If you find it and link it back to us, feel free to @ the blogs its so funny looking back.

☆; I will NOT talk much about being a system with other disorders on this blog. that's for a different one!!

— BLOGS I'VE MADE! ❜

@dazyskiie-luv [writing] & @nightzskiiauz [my aus/stories]

@bluestoneau & @horrorrversee [au]

@twisteddescendants & @kufflesdiamond & @huntersscythe [twst]

@stars4-max & @hoardzskii [personal]

@moon-loves-genders [have to fix it!!] & @wat-da-hell-iz [inactive currently] & @dabackroms [inactive currently]

@vampbitesfr & @howlin4uu [monster rp accounts, inactive currently! refixing.]

— SYSTEM BLOGS! ❜

@snowdinne [MAIN SYS SIDE BLOG.]

@haruutalks & @cinooscatcafe

@ventifool & @scarafool

@ecplises-mailman & @devildomduzt (all blogs for now!)

[strawberryflatline]

I'm so sick of people twisting my words to play victim. This "friend" that just dropped from our friendgroup likes to pretend nothing is wrong, which I get because I can be the same way with bottling things up, but then they get pissy at us when we're not helping them the way they think they should be. You're a grown ass adult, stop throwing a bitch fit because we can't read minds. They deleted social media and are self isolating but are refusing to actually deal with their shit, except now they're texting people in private random things like none of this happened?? Deal with your shit or leave us the fuck alone. Like we have been so patient and so kind and understanding because we've all been through trauma and understand what it can make you act like but the key difference is all of us are working on being better versions of ourselves. Like progress is never linear and we all fuck up from time to time but at least we can acknowledge it and strive to be different next time AND APOLOGIZE IF WE SNAPPED AT OUR FRIENDS. I'm sorry if a group of 20-26 year olds are acting more mature than someone in THEIR FUCKING 30s that's sad. I'd honestly rather you be attention seeking and info dump problems to me because at least then, I can provide some advice but radio silence followed by an explosion where you blame everyone else but yourself for the way you act? Absolutely ridiculous. If you explode in private? Understandable, everyone has a breaking point when it comes to stress and such but deleting your social media, only telling one or two people in the group about it (not even the friend who's known you for 6years got a text), acting like we'll pick sides. All we want is to help and for you to get better but if you want us to pick sides we sure as hell will because I have no room in my life anymore for people with intese victim complexes. Been there, done that, I'm tired.

Different person, but I'm also dealing with someone who doesn't seem to give a shit about problems that aren't their own. Like we put effort into helping them work through things that are stressing them out but when we talk about the things that are going on in our life that are upsetting us it's like we don't exist. God damn energy vampire. I know it's shitty to ignore them when they're upset, but I'm about at that point because why would I put effort into helping you if you're not going to give in return. I'm not going to pour from an empty cup if you don't have the capacity to refill mine.

[lapis-lights]

.·.·Blog Navigation·.·.

Welcome! You can call me Lapis and this is where you'll find all the information you need to know about my blog including rules, information about me, and my masterlist.

Please take the time to read through if you're new here :)

.·.·Blog Info/Boundaries·.·.

This is an x reader blog! I really only write for Leon Kennedy from Resident Evil for right now because hyperfixation went brr.

My fics tend to be LONG since drabbles and imagines aren't usually my thing. When I write, I tend to want a broader context that devolves into a whole story. Because of this, I usually write the whole fic before posting parts/chapters on consecutive days.

My inbox is open with anons enabled! You may ask to be a specific anon if you think you'll be coming back.

Requests are NOT open! Please don't enter my inbox asking me to write something because I will just delete it and move on. I only write for my own pleasure and honestly, trying to live up to an expectation is intimidating :') HOWEVER sharing ideas and just asking for a simple "What do you think of this?" is perfectly fine!

Please be aware that these stories commonly contain NSFW content/themes. Don't interact if you're a minor. I obviously can't stop you if you do decide to read it, but please don't engage if you do.

If you are inspired by my fics by any chance, anything is free game. Spin-off fics, art, analyses, anything! Pls, tag me if you do so.

Criticism is accepted in my inbox, but keep it as actual criticism instead of ripping into my fics and stamping it as feedback.

Please don't ask anything about my personal life. I'd rather keep matters private unless I willingly speak about it.

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.·.·About the Author·.·.

I've been writing for roughly 7 years, and I'm still working on finding a solid writing style.

18+!

Your local matcha enjoyer. I drink too much of the stuff tbh but that's ok.

I started writing long fics by accident actually but it's what I'm known for best at this point.

I'm in the U.S. so posts will be centered around EST when being scheduled!

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Hey there. Can I ask do you believe Louis and Harry did initially have a romantic connection, whatever that might have been? It looks from your blog as though you’re not firmly in a Larry camp and do see this part of the fandom as disruptive and distructive!

I feel like this too, hence me asking. I do think they initially seemed super close, and that maybe something did happen between them but the aggressiveness of the Larry fan base kind of knocks me side ways! No wonder the boys are no longer pictured together and that Louis feels so protective and private about the situation. Jeez, it’s insane.

Surely we can appreciate them for their music and what they bring to their stage shows rather than analysing everything they do and insisting it’s all a signal to a secretive relationship.

I like to think they do privately still see each other but I think it might always stay private thanks to the over zealous Larry group.

Hi,

I don’t think any of the 1D members see each other or talk to each other routinely except on a superficial, “Hey how’s it going” level. I think Louis still has a lot of fondness for his 1D memories, but they are memories.

No one stays stagnant in real life. We move forward or go backward. Louis has said that each of the 1D men have found their own level of success, and at first he felt bitter comparing himself to others, but mentally he has moved beyond it (even if fans have not).

In real terms, Louis does not live his life thinking, “Well so-and-so got this magazine cover, played this festival, worked with this producer, has this type of fashion sponsorship, have these types of celeb friends, so I have to catch up.”

It’s clear to me that Louis carries on with his own life regardless of what he does or does not see- and 99% of the time, fans care more than he does. We’re often surprised by his next move because Louis simply thinks about his own future, which doesn’t include 1D. These guys are his friends, but only in the sense that they “went to high school together.”

As for Larry, I believe a lot differently now compared to what I thought even 4 or 5 years ago, when most of my fandom friends were Larries. Most new fans debate Larry as if it’s an HBO show— for entertainment value. I guess it doesn’t interest me that much anymore, since it’s pretty clear that it’s just people indulging in fantasy. I haven’t deleted posts from my old blog because it shows an evolution in my fandom journey… pretty crazy itself! I always say don’t believe ANYONE in fandom. That includes everyone. If you are interested.

[heartbeatbookclub]

I feel like in general on this blog, I really do undersell exactly how private & introverted of a person I am used to be creatively, particularly in fandom spaces. When I say I've been entrenched in fandom for a long time, I am not joking. Despite this, you'd be hard-pressed to find most fandom content I produced until...well, until this blog!

In fact, unless you know me in real life, it's unlikely you've ever seen any art which I've posted OUTSIDE of this blog, which is saying something, because there is a LOT of it, both original, and for shitloads of different fandoms. I am, at my core, an artist, as pretentious as that sounds; I create ad nauseam.

Despite this, I very rarely post publicly. The few times I have created a public page to post art, it was incredibly infrequent. And most of them are deleted, now. In fact, this blog is possibly the first time I've made an online account for fan content (or art in general) that has achieved general notoriety anywhere, and it's incredibly fun, but it has made me painfully aware that there's something of a reason I deleted most of my public art accounts...(/lh)

But seriously, I keep a comically low profile, despite enjoying both creating and receiving praise for creating. Part of it has to do with the particular way inspiration strikes me (the periods where I don't post to this blog are mostly actually because I'm looking for proper vision, despite wanting to create) which is why my creation of these sorts of things is so infrequent, because I know most people (particularly artists) don't do that, and it can be very concerning or frustrating to anyone paying attention.

It also creates a rather daunting prospect of creating something "good enough to share", which I have been increasingly working on not giving a shit about. And sometimes building relationships with people who sort of expect you to post/message them often, because that's the only way they know you're alive. I barely even talk to my irl friends as often as some people want to over the internet with me. It's wild.

I'm not complaining about the popularity of this blog by any means, nor how people have been interacting with it, I mostly just wanted to share that despite how it might look, it's actually significantly more normal for me to post basically nothing for months at a time and then have a burst of inspiration leading me to make like 3 posts that leave people raving for a week, then disappear of the face of the earth completely.

Like, you wanna talk how I normally am with art, I have piles of old Undertale doodles & fanfiction, which almost no one has seen, and I probably won't ever post again. I have art for a fandom I was in for maybe a week and have never done anything for again. I have drawn YouTubers I no longer watch. I have OCs which I haven't thought about in actual years. I have world concepts I literally used for a single drawing and nothing else. I have Omori fics and drawings I literally never posted publicly. There are probably people waiting on an update to a fic I wrote 6 years ago (when I was 15).

You wanna talk me in fandom spaces? There are people I know from my Undertale fandom days who I'm surprised are still posting. I know nearly every major artist in the Omori fandom on some sort of personal note (I'm still in a Discord with some of them), and they're the people who've seen my unpublished Omori art/fics. I would post stuff maybe once every month or two in that server. Most of them probably don't even realize they know me.

I know fandom drama I didn't even care about when it was happening.

For the better part of my life I've been the fandom equivalent to a mysterious stranger, blowing into a fandom maybe once a week, then once a month, then never again, people forgetting I was even ever there. There are friends I've made over social media who I've not seen or spoken to in an actual decade.

I just live my life. I make shit. Sometimes I'm active in a particular space on social media for a while. I meet some new people. I am cheesed to meet them. The case goes cold. I continue living my life. I go elsewhere.

I think this is both vitally important to understand on the internet, especially in a fandom sense (The Internet is not your life, please remember that you can literally turn your computer off and leave) and also a really bad habit I have that, while somewhat amusing, means that by nature a lot of the new friendships I make are temporary.

Also, if ever we message each other and I stop talking to you, that's not because I'm mad or forgot you or something; if I don't have anything to say I don't say anything. Small talk is my bane because it feels dishonest. Offer to play TF2 or Overwatch with me or something.

Now that I'm thinking about it, this is actually generally applicable to all online spaces I'm in, which might make the entire thing seem a little silly... There are people I've met on online games like Roblox, or old flash games, or old websites where you can PLAY those flash games, who I just disappeared from one day. A lot more of my life than I thought is intrinsically ephemeral...hm.

It's to the point that a lot of people know who I am but don't realize who I actually am because my name is sorta generic, so they don't make the connection. I make a lot of jokes about it on my main but most people don't even realize I'm The Mind Electric Guy who made the big mash-ups and also the Catboy Electric. And Johnny Johnny Electric but we don't talk about that one.

There are times where I'll have people in my comments/messages going "wait YOU'RE THAT GUY? YOU MADE THAT?!?!" about something completely unrelated, and i'm just like "yeah i was bored on a saturday". I'm like the Neil Cicierega of obscure internet/niche fandom bullshit.

Wait, so I'm like Neil Cicierega. And I've been told I resemble him more than once, so maybe that's fitting.

As a reward for making it through my silly ramblings, here's a little proof in the pudding! Here's some incredibly old DDLC fanart from my initial obsession to a little later, not exactly in chronological order. You can really see my improvement as an artist, which is actually pretty funny, because imitating some other DDLC fanartists is specifically how I started getting better at drawing people

These are incredibly old! You can tell, because they look like SHIT! I didn't really know a lot about how to draw people at this point in time, and what became my style was super poorly defined here! I have some other super old art which really shows off how bad i was at drawing people, particularly in the waist. Believe it or not, this is a better showing than most others around this time.

Hey, at least they're recognizable, right?

This right here, this is the exact moment where drawing faces started to click for me. I still think this is one of my best showings from this particular time period, even though it's still got a lot of line jank, and I'm pretty blatantly ripping from a different artist (who no longer has an online presence, so weh, have at it). I still really like this drawing, and a lot of the experimentation that was on this page.

also, you can see me trying to draw boobs for the first time! ain't that a sight!

These are a weird period where I'm drawing a lot of different things on the same sketchbook page just to fill them up, which...I mean, I guess I should be proud I used to draw that much! They certainly do look cool, too. This image of Sayori in an Adidas tracksuit is directly referenced from a picture of a Sayori cosplayer I found on Instagram once upon a time. The @ you see pictured there is my old private instagram--you can try to follow it, but I doubt you're going to get anywhere!

I think a big problem you see in a lot of these is just that I'm uncertain in my lines, even in sketching and doodling, which is still a problem I struggle with sometimes. Also I don't really get how clothes work. But this is significantly better than how some of my old art used to look like, so I'm glad for that!

Can you identify all of the other pictured characters? There are 3 musicians and 2 YouTubers present!

I drew this in 8th grade? I think? These might be slightly out of order. I really liked drawing Sayori.

I really didn't like how this turned out when I first did it. I don't often do digital pieces and even less often work in color, but when i do, they tend to take a lot of time and effort. I think this is definitely rough around the edges, but the amount of work I put in to really make this pop is something I enjoy. Just wish I'd spent longer on those hands...

Remember how I said I used to really vibe with MC x Sayori?

Yeah.

Here's some more, including a more fleshed out MC design. I think I did this my senior year of high school?

And this, dear viewers, is a Sayori I doodled from memory roughly a year ago.

I didn't really have much direction here, I just wanted to talk about this stuff, and I had these that I wanted to share. These drawings were all from roughly 2018-2023.

[cronchywaters]

howdy! umm... are you still okay with kin and/or fictive edits involving wtcd characters? i just noticed recently that it looks like the offical wtcd blog was deleted(?) and wasnt sure if that meant you weren't ok with it anymore!! i really would hste to assume and cross any boundaries. hopefully this question isn't upsetting at all!! thank you!! have a good day or night!!

hi! fictives are fine, i know people can't exactly control that, which is something i was really ignorant about when i first made wtcd. i lumped kinning in with fictives which is stupid and that's not how it works, and i do want to apologize for that. as for kins, yeah, go ahead, i honestly don't really care. as for edits of the two i would rather they not happen anymore. i don't want to erase my past exactly but after one of the worst mental breakdowns of my life happened the other night (don't ask please, i'm fine now) i made the wtcd blog private on impulse. i honestly just want to forget it ever even happened at this point. my writing for it was awful and my bigotry even worse. the instagram account is staying up only so myself and other people can see my mistakes and learn from them, but overall i really would just rather move on.

as a general statement, please don't contact me about wtcd anymore. honestly even if the messages are nice or just simple questions like this i really don't want to deal with it anymore. it does nothing but remind me of how shitty people have treated me for years and while i acknowledge my mistakes i honest to god just want to let it die. you're allowed to like it, i can't stop anyone from doing that, but please just leave me alone.

[pokefossilclub]

FAQ

Can I send in requests for Pokemon headcanons?

Absolutely, please 100% do.

Can I send in requests for Pokemon worldbuilding and headcanons?

Please do! The pokemon themselves aren’t the only interesting thing about the setting, after all.

Can I send in requests for Pokemon care advice?

Again, absolutely, 100%. Please remember, however, I am not a vet, biologist or any kind of animal care specialist, I am talking about fake pixel animals who can turn into data and live in balls, please for the love of all that is good in the world do not apply any ‘advice’ given on this blog to real-life flesh-and-blood animals.

I don’t like your headcanons, can I send in asks explaining how you’re wrong actually?

I’d rather you didn’t, since this is a blog designed for me to set out how I, personally, see and interact with the pokemon setting. If you hate my thinking so much, block me and make your own blog; I’m not about to stop you. If, however, you are not so much refuting my headcanon as expanding on it, your addition is welcome.

Can I send in asks relating to pokephilia?

Please don’t. I’m not judging, but I’d like to keep this blog sfw. Besides, Gingko is not a sex or relationships counsellor; she can barely work out her own dating life. Asks relating to such things will be deleted.

Can I send in asks about Pokemon breeding with each other?

Yes, but, y'know, that has to be sfw as well.

Can I send in asks about how I’m super special and have multiple legendaries who are all friends with me?

Sure, but Gingko is unlikely to believe you. I am open to a certain amount of Legendary/Mythical shenaniganry here, but Gingko isn't guaranteed to immediately take everything completely seriously (and also she might want to use you as some kind of case study!).

Can I reblog your headcanon posts/answered asks?

Absolutely! Feel free to do so both in or out of any character you may have. I will reblog back from you to continue the interaction if I have something to say and/or the energy, but please don't get upset if I don't; it's not a guarantee.

Are you a roleplay blog?

In the sense that I am answering these questions in-character as the fictional Prof. Gingko, yes. However, I am not interested in officially joining any roleplay settings or starting long-form roleplays. By all means send in asks from your own roleplay characters, and short in-character reblog chains are fun, but I have no interest in spinning off long, formally structured chains. I may join events if I have the energy or am directly invited. If in doubt, contact me OOC and we’ll discuss. I am quite open to this!

Why aren’t you talking about/mentioning [insert important real-world issue here]?

Because those belong to the real world, and the real world is depressing. I like to keep my headcanoning about the Pokemon setting fundamentally benevolent and positive. Feel free to send in asks referencing covid, climate change, race relations etc and I will answer them in the spirit meant to the best of my ability, but these will not be part of any independent, background worldbuilding I do. I will also not be reblogging any OOC real-world issue posts.

I am Chinese and would like to talk to you about how you depict Professor Gingko.

Contact me privately and off anon and we’ll talk. I’m not Chinese, and if I’m inadvertently being offensive I want to know. However, if you’re just going to tell me I’m in the wrong to base Gingko’s heritage on Chinese stuff at all, I’m not interested.

Why aren’t you updating this blog?

I have mental and physical health issues; sometimes I just don’t have the energy. I’ll probably come back to it later. Sorry for keeping you hanging.

Why haven’t you answered my ask?

Maybe you ran foul of my attitude check, or your ask got eaten by Tumblr, or the inbox is pretty full, or I’m tired, or away, or any number of reasons really. If it’s super-duper bothering you, contact me off anon and I’ll try and give you an answer. Please don’t send in tons and tons of asks about it, though, or I’m just going to get annoyed.

Can I send in questions and comments directed at you, the blogrunner, and not Gingko?

Yeah, but please mark them clearly as such, and if you’re being too nosy I won’t answer. What counts as ‘too nosy’ is for me to decide, because you’re asking about me.

I think you reblogged this thing/answered this ask to the wrong blog.

Oops. Thanks for letting me know.

Did you know that the last person whose ask you answered is a TERRIBLE PERSON?

Pics or it didn’t happen