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phantasticworks · 4 years ago

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If You Don’t Love Me, Pretend - Chapter Nineteen

Four months without uploading she comes back with a new chapter! Thank you so much for your patience i love you guys! I don’t know that I’ll be going back to my previous weekly posting schedule with everything going on in my life right now, but I hope this can tide you guys over until I can finish the story!

read on ao3

Words: 11.5k

Summary: Dan and Phil have some talks about parenting and make plans.

Warnings for this chapter: swearing and a disgusting amount of fluff

It's a few days later when Dan finds himself in his office at school, looking over the schedule change requests that he's received over the past week. He's just added another to the pile of finished requests when his work phone starts trilling on the desk by his elbow.

“Hello, you’ve reached the office of Daniel Howell at Queensbury Secondary School, how can I-”

“Dan, it’s me,” Phil’s voice interrupts him. “Is this a- a bad time?”

"Oh! Sorry, yes- I mean no, it’s a fine time. A great time. I’m just going through some forms. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

"Yeah, everything's fine." Phil clears his throat and there's a pause that Dan doesn't know what to make of. "I’ve been meaning to ask you something."

Dan feels the tendrils of anxiety gripping at his chest now. "Okay," he says slowly, setting his papers down in front of him. "What is it?"

Phil doesn't waste any time. "Well- okay, I don’t particularly want to go, but I know you’re interested in everything that goes on with mental health charities and you told me about the thing you wanted to do at the school, and I think that’s really cool and maybe this will give you a chance to network with people already involved and-”

Dan can’t help but laugh at the rambling words, tripping over themselves in their haste. “Spit it out, bub, what’s your question?”

Phil takes a shaky breath. “So, the BBC is doing a fundraising event for a mental health charity. I wanted to know if you'd like to attend with me." His words are quick and short, like the request is a time bomb and he’ll explode if he doesn’t get it all out at once.

It takes Dan a moment to process the request, and when he does, a stupid part of his brain wants to ask for clarification on the nature of this joint outing. But he's not about to ask Phil if it's a date because that would be both ridiculous and mortifying, and besides, he already knows with his rational brain that it isn't. "When is it?" he asks instead.

"It's next Friday, a week from today."

Dan is opening his calendar as Phil speaks, checking to see if they have any prior events scheduled. They don't, which isn't too strange for a Friday night. He chews on his lip as he considers the offer. He's really interested in mental health charities and it would be great to get some more information about how they work and network with some of the people who actually work there. He's been trying to get the school board to approve a mental health support group for the secondary school for over a year, something only Phil and Louise are aware of. This would be perfect. The only thing holding him back...

"You know we'd have to deal with your nosy coworkers the whole night? And it'll be different being couple-y around other adults," Dan informs him. "I'm not saying I don't want to go, but..."

"I don't care. I think we can handle it, and I honestly don't care what they think about how we're acting or aren't acting." Phil's voice is firm and sure, and Dan wonders if he expected Dan to object for this very reason. "I want you there with me, if you want to be."

Dan smiles down at his desk at this. "Okay."

"You'll go?" Phil sounds mildly surprised, but overall very pleased.

"Yeah. I'd love to go with you."

Phil lets out what sounds like a relieved breath. "Okay. Perfect."

"I'd say see you then, but we live together," Dan jokes. He grins when he hears Phil snort.

"Bye, Dan. I'll see you at home later. Drive safe."

"Bye, Phil."

~~~

It's not until Dan gets home that evening that he realizes that in order for them to go out for an evening by themselves, they'll have to find someone to babysit the kids. It's a strange thought, suddenly. They hadn't really had a situation yet where neither of them could watch the kids, and it was strange to think that he was at the point in his life where he needed to enlist the help of another adult outside of his family to watch his children. He wasn't sure how he felt about it.

After sending all three of the kids off to do their homework, Dan makes his way to the kitchen to sort out their dinner plans for the evening. He's perusing their selection in the pantry when he hears the front door click shut. Rather than go to meet Phil at the door, Dan makes the executive decision to have pasta for dinner, moving over to the fridge to make sure they have everything they need.

"Hey," Phil greets from behind him.

Dan glances over, smiling at him. "Hi. Good day at work?"

Phil shrugs, dropping his jacket on the back of a chair haphazardly before coming to rifle through the cabinet next to Dan. "It was alright, yeah. How was yours?"

"Just another day. Nothing that exciting, I guess." He closes the fridge without looking inside, turning to rest his palm against the counter beside it as he studies Phil. "So, we need to find someone to watch the kids on Friday."

It takes Phil a few more minutes of rummaging through the shelves before he glances at Dan. "Alright. I can ask Martyn if he's busy?"

Dan nods. "That's fine. If he can't, we can find someone else” Dan snorts then, a thought occurring. “Honestly, it’s an hour from here to Reading, Mum could come babysit if we really needed her to."

"Sure." Phil turns to face him with a smile, revealing a little bag of mini marshmallows. He stares Dan dead in the eyes as he rips it open and pops a handful of the colorful treats into his mouth.

Dan quirks a brow, crossing his arms. "You insolent shit, you're spoiling your dinner," he chastises, chewing on the corner of his lip to hide his smile.

Phil shrugs as his hand sneaks back up to his mouth. "Want some?" He offers.

Rolling his eyes, Dan lets out a huff. "You're a child," he says, hauling himself to sit up on the counter as he holds a hand out. "Give me some pink ones, they're the best."

The sheepish grin that lights up Phil's face is definitely worth spoiling his appetite. He steps between Dan’s legs and carefully pours out a small handful of marshmallow treats into Dan's palm, and then proceeds to pick out the white and blue ones for himself. Dan's chest is flooded with warmth as he watches the childlike glee on his best friend's face. It's immensely precious, a secret thought he holds close to his heart.

"I don't think they actually taste any different," Phil's saying. Dan barely hears him. "I'm pretty sure they all just taste of marshmallows. Like, vanilla, or whatever it is that marshmallows taste of."

“Mhm,” Dan hums, the pink marshmallow dust sweet on his lips as he enjoys his coveted snack.

~~~

"Could you pause your game, guys? We wanted to have a chat with you about something," Dan says. He and Phil had agreed that they needed to go ahead and tell the kids about their plans to leave them with a sitter for an evening, so they could go ahead and get used to the idea now. So, after finishing their covert snack, they'd gone upstairs where the twins were deep in a Mario Kart race, Levi coaching them both from the armchair.

At Dan's words, the three of them exchange a series of panicked looks. He'd nearly laugh if his heart didn't break at how the connotation of a "talk" has truly traumatized them forever.

"Everything’s fine, we promise," Phil prefaces, moving to sit on the sofa closest to the stairs. Dan follows, perching on the arm beside him. Almost without thinking, Phil drapes his arm over Dan's thighs, while Dan's arm falls to Phil's shoulder.

"Okay..." Levi says. Jaiden pauses the game and drops the joy-con, turning to face Dan and Phil completely. "Are we in trouble?" He asks.

Dan tilts his head to the side, smiling. "Have you done something to be in trouble for?"

Levi looks confused but shakes his head. "I don't think so?" He sounds unsure.

Phil nudges Dan's stomach with his elbow, gently digging into his skin. "You're not in trouble, bub, no. But, we just wanted to tell you guys that a week from today, Dan and I have an event to attend. So, we'll be finding a sitter to come stay with you that evening."

Amelia immediately perks up. "Can it be Miss Louise?" She asks excitedly.

Smirking, Dan shares a look with Phil. "We'll see. We might ask Phil's brother Martyn and his wife Cornelia to do it, but if they can't, we'll see if Louise will."

She doesn't look particularly happy about it, but Amelia nods in understanding. Jaiden doesn't seem too bothered either way, his hands twitching towards the joy-con as he clearly waits for them to say that was all.

Glancing at Levi, Dan can tell immediately that they're not all on board with the idea. "Levi? Would you be alright with that? It would only be for a few hours."

Levi shrugs, then shakes his head. "Why can't I watch them?" He asks, gesturing vaguely to his siblings. "I'm fifteen, I could stay here and take care of them."

Dan shares a look with Phil. They hadn't considered this. But, knowing each other as long as they have, their mental-symbiosis gives Dan the idea that maybe it wouldn't be the best idea, or at least they needed to discuss it in more detail first.

"We'd prefer to have someone else be here with you," Phil says carefully. "If there’s an emergency or something, we think it'd be best to have an adult here."

Levi shrugs, staring down at his feet and saying nothing.

“But, we’ll consider it, yeah?” Dan adds, sending Phil an imploring look. The older man shrugs, but nods. “Just give us some time to talk about it before we make a decision.”

“Okay,” Levi answers.

Dan moves his arm to pat Phil’s chest. “Let’s go start dinner.”

Phil nods, allowing Dan to drag him from the sofa and off towards the stairs. Dan’s mind is already building a pros and cons list for Levi’s request, so it’s not until they’re already downstairs that he realizes he and Phil are still holding hands. A little embarrassed, Dan releases his grip, mumbling something about starting some pasta.

"So, do you reckon we really ought to consider letting Levi stay here alone with them?" Phil asks quietly, moving to pull two wine glasses from their cupboard.

Humming, Dan pulls a box of pasta from the pantry, looking for a jar of pasta sauce and huffing when he can't find it. "I think we owe it to him to at least have a conversation about it, yeah."

A contemplative silence settles over the kitchen, punctuated by the sound of Phil pouring wine into the glasses. Dan finally spots the jar of sauce, hiding behind a box of crackers. He sets it beside the pasta before moving to the other side of Phil to rummage through the cupboard for a sauce pan.

"Honestly... As long as he keeps his phone on him, and checks in with us fairly often throughout the night... I wouldn't mind him watching them."

Dan's head snaps up at this, and he stares at Phil in surprise. He hadn't expected Phil to actually be on board with the idea. He tries to school his expression into something more neutral as he fills the pan with water and sets it on the stove, clearing his throat before speaking. "Yeah? It doesn't bother you?"

Phil hands him a glass of wine, shrugging. "Not really. I trust him to be responsible. I mean, we let him stay home from school by himself and he was fine."

Dan chews his lip as he stares at the water. He's not sure how to voice his opinion on this without sounding like he doesn't also think it's probably a good idea. "This is different, though," he says gently, blinking up at Phil. "We'd be holding him accountable for two children."

"I mean, yeah. But, I think he loves them enough that he'd keep them safe and be responsible with them." Phil pauses then, a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. "Are you... Do you think maybe we shouldn't let him?"

Taking a sip of the wine, Dan waves a hand dismissively. "That's not it," he says after he's swallowed. "I actually don't think it's a bad idea, I just... I don't know, I just didn't expect you to be so on board with it." He tries not to sound accusing. It's not an accusation.

Phil shrugs, scratching a fingernail against the counter absently. "Am I usually that strict?" He sounds sad, or maybe nervous.

Dan smiles softly. Reaching out, he tugs on the pocket of Phil's hoodie, dragging him closer and resting his head on Phil's shoulder. "Not exactly. Sometimes you're just more cautious about them than I am. You think through the situations more than I do, so sometimes you're a little more reserved about these kinds of things."

There's a soft huff of laughter that ruffles through Dan's curls. "I guess you're right," Phil agrees. He kisses Dan's hairline before gently shrugging him off, moving to grab the pasta to pour it into the boiling water. "So... Have we decided we're okay with letting him stay here with them?"

"I think so, yeah. If you're okay with it." Dan watches him pour the pasta in, reaching for the drawer to hand him a spoon when Phil needs it.

"I am. We'll talk to him after dinner, yeah?"

Dan nods. "Sure."

Phil steps back into his space and wordlessly pulls Dan against his chest again. Dan tucks his hands into Phil's hoodie pocket and hooks his chin over Phil's broad shoulder. Phil wraps his arms around Dan's shoulders and sighs. "You need a haircut," he whispers.

With a snort, Dan tilts his head and bites at a lock of Phil's hair. "So do you, mate."

"Can you call for a hair appointment tomorrow?" Phil requests, his voice a little timid.

Dan can't help but smile at this. Phil's grown his confidence over the years they've known each other, but there were lots of times after first settling into their friendship that he would ask Dan to make calls for him, always claiming he was too forgetful or lazy to do it himself. It took a couple years for Dan to understand the real reason.

"Phil? You alright?" Dan had asked through the bathroom door. Phil had been retching on the other side for close to five minutes now, and Dan was panicking, completely out of his element here. He was barely twenty, he didn't know how to really take care of anyone when they're ill, not like this.

"I'm fine," Phil had called weakly.

"You sound kind of… not fine," Dan had countered, trying for gentle.

It had taken a little while, but eventually Phil caved. "Could you call my mum?"

"Er- yeah? What- why do you need to speak to your mum?" Dan had been completely confused by then. Phil was a massive mumma's boy, but in the year or so they'd properly lived together, Dan had never known him to call her while he was ill.

"I just- please, Dan." Phil had sounded so pitiful, but Dan was more worried now than before.

"Can you let me in, Phil?" Dan had asked softly.

Phil did, but he did not seem pleased by it. He looked everywhere but at Dan, settling back against the tiled floor of the bathroom and closing his eyes weakly. "I need mum to call in a prescription for me."

Dan's brows had crinkled in confusion. "For what?" Before Phil could answer, Dan had remembered Phil mentioning his terrible migraines, and vaguely remembered him coming home with a little white paper bag from the pharmacy. "Your migraines?"

Phil nodded mutely.

“I can call it in. Where's your phone?"

Phil had barely had the energy to look surprised, but after Dan found the phone and called the prescription in, he went about making Phil some soup and doing his best to take care of him as well as he could, with his limited knowledge. Later that evening, with Buffy playing in the background, Phil had quietly told Dan that he had sometimes found it extremely difficult to do phone calls or things like that. “I know it’s stupid and- and everyone else thinks it’s easy, but it honestly just makes me feel so bad that I’d rather just. Not."

"I wish you would have told me," Dan had mumbled. "I can make calls for you. It doesn't bother me."

Many years later, though, and now Dan understands the extent of Phil's social anxiety better than he did back then. Phil does as well, which makes it a bit easier for him to try and get a grip on it, but still, he sometimes struggles. But Dan's always there to help when that happens, and he can't imagine there ever being a time when he isn't.

"Sure. We probably need to get Levi and Jai's done while we're at it." Dan laughs a little before adding, "I reckon we should see if Mia would like a trim, too. God knows that child can't stand to be left out." He smiles against Phil's shoulder when he hears him giggle.

"She really can't, can she?" He muses, his fingers playing idly with the ends of Dan's hair.

"Mm," Dan hums in vague agreement. He sighs before pulling out of Phil's grip to stir the pasta. He pouts when Phil fully steps away, grabbing his glass of wine and taking a large sip. Dan's about to tease him when he hears the unmistakable sound of the twins thundering down the stairs. He rolls his eyes as Phil huffs, clearly slightly agitated at their inability to remember that they shouldn't run inside. "Is it really even worth it to keep chastising them about it?" Dan asks, sipping his own wine.

Phil snorts. "It's the principle of the thing, Daniel."

Still, when the twins burst into the kitchen, Phil doesn't say a word. Dan smirks at him, but Phil pretends he doesn't notice.

"What's for dinner?" Amelia asks, tapping her hands in an off-beat rhythm on the table.

"Spaghetti," Dan tells her, glancing over his shoulder and finding Jaiden staring out the balcony door, probably at his pigeons. He turns to look at Phil, gesturing to their son. "Will you help him with the birds? It's been a few days since we've put seed out."

Phil nods, and Dan focuses on checking to see if the pasta's done. He hears Phil grabbing the bag of bird seed, instructing the twins out the door and onto the balcony. They're gone for several minutes, and when they come back in, Dan glances over at them with a small smile.

"I don't know, Jai-bird. I can't really tell if the birds are girls or boys, but you can name them whatever you want anyway," Phil is saying.

Jaiden seems to consider this. "Could I just name all the fat ones Behemoth?"

Dan snorts.

"Uh, sure, bubby. Whatever you want." Phil sends Dan a baffled look, and Dan only shrugs, grinning.

Amelia and Jaiden settle at the table, arguing over pigeon names, while Phil returns back to the stove, rolling his eyes. Dan smirks, poking Phil in the stomach gently. "Did you find one thicc bird?"

Phil wrinkles his nose delicately. "Ew. Don't say that."

Dan giggles helplessly, stepping away when Phil gestures to the pasta, obviously intending on draining it. He gets as far as the sink, but as soon as he sets the pan down in order to grab the strainer, a little wave of water splashes over the side and onto his hand. "Shit!" he squeals, his eyes flying wide immediately after, glancing between the twins and Dan in a panic.

Amelia gasps. "You said a Daddy word!" She shouts gleefully.

Ducking forward, Dan quickly takes the pan away and turns the cool water on, taking Phil's injured hand and sticking it under the stream. He prays Phil's too stunned to register what she said.

"I'm sorry, I- wait, what?" Phil's head snaps to the side and he glares at Dan.

Well, shit.

"A Daddy word," Amelia repeats, pointing at Dan, as if naming him isn't enough condemnation for her. Dan sends her a dirty look. She just giggles.

"Daniel," Phil starts, enunciating carefully to be heard over the sound of the faucet. "Have you been swearing in front of our children?"

"No!" Dan protests. Phil quirks a disbelieving brow at that. "Okay, well, maybe. But not on purpose! And it was only once," Dan amends.

"Nuh-uh," Amelia argues from the table. "It was twice!"

Dan shoots her a pleading look. "Amelia! Whose side are you even on?"

She hides her laughter behind her hand. "Sorry!" She most certainly does not sound like she means it.

"Hm," Phil hums, sounding unimpressed. "Someone's sleeping on the sofa," he decides.

Dan knows he's kidding, but he plays along, wrapping his arms around Phil and whining. "But... Philll."

"Nope. Shut it, you." Phil tries to keep a straight face as he strains the pasta and returns it to the pan.

Dan releases him long enough for him to get it back to the stove and pour in the sauce, and then he's right back behind him, his arms wrapped around Phil's waist as he nuzzles against Phil's back. "Phil," he starts, voice saccharine sweet. "It's really just a misunderstanding, you know."

"I fail to see how," Phil quips.

Pressing a trail of kisses across Phil's shoulder blades, Dan hums. "I didn't mean to. If I did, in fact, swear in front of them, I assure you it was just an accident. Hypothetically"

Phil seems unconvinced. Dan gently bites at his shoulder. "Yeah, alright. But no more swearing in front of them or we're doing a swear jar."

Dan smiles, kissing the spot he bit. Phil shivers. Dan smirks.

"And," Phil adds, his voice just a touch louder. "You have to make me coffee in the morning. And take the bins out."

At this, Dan scoffs, pulling away enough that Phil can turn around to face him. "No way," Dan argues. "It's your turn to do bins!"

Phil is unwavering, giving Dan a smug smile as he holds up his burnt hand. "I'm injured, babe. Out of commission."

Dan glares. Holding eye contact, he leans toward Phil's hand, nipping gently at the side of Phil's hand.

"Ow," Phil says, with absolutely no conviction.

"That's what I think of you blackmailing me like this," Dan informs him, resigned to his fate.

Phil uses his hand, still just a breath away from Dan's face, to pull Dan's face closer so he can press a kiss to his cheek. Amelia and Jaiden make synced gagging noises behind them. "Thank you in advance for taking out the bins, darling."

"Shut up."

~~~

After they’ve all sat down for dinner, Dan clears his throat. “Levi, we talked about next Friday,” he begins.

Levi puts his glass down and turns to face him, his gaze darting back and forth between him and Phil. “And?”

Dan can’t help but laugh at his impatience. “You can stay here and watch them. But, you have to keep your phone on you, so we can check on you guys every hour or so, okay?”

“Sure,” Levi agrees, nodding. “How long will you guys be gone?”

Phil shrugs when Dan glances at him for the answer. "The event starts at seven, so probably no later than eleven, maybe earlier. Will you be alright here?"

Levi's eyes twitch into a roll but refocus when he probably realizes they're both watching him. "Yeah. I mean, they'll basically just be asleep after you guys leave."

"Right," Dan nods. He feels slightly more comfortable knowing that. "We'll make dinner or order takeout or whatever before we leave, and then you guys can do whatever after that." He glances over at the twins then, who have been mostly quiet, probably only passively listening. "But, you two still have to listen to your brother, okay?"

Amelia glances up at this. She smiles brightly and nods. Jaiden blinks, but then shrugs, which Dan figures is probably the best agreement he'll get from him. "What if he makes us go to bed early?" Jaiden asks, sparing a peek over at his older brother, who's rolling his eyes.

"Well, your bedtime is nine on weekends. So, you still have to go to bed at nine," Dan tells him.

Phil taps the table, causing both the twins to look up at him. He's got a mischievous look on his face. "Dan's right, bedtime is still nine on weekends. But we won't be here," he says this very slowly, enunciating every word. "So you have to listen to Levi when he tells you to go to bed..." He glances at Levi, grinning. "At nine."

Levi gets it first, smirking. "Right. Nine pm, sharp. Got it."

"Yep. Nine pm." Phil winks at Jaiden, and after a second, the boy seems to catch on, and his eyes widen with his grin.

"Okay!" He says gleefully.

Dan sighs. "Philip," he says, exasperated.

"Daniel," Phil replies on a sigh, his lips curled up in a smile.

"You can't just..." Dan starts, then stops. Phil quirks a brow, unbothered, but Dan decides this is one battle he can lose, as really the twins going to bed a little late isn't going to hurt anyone.

"What?" Phil asks, almost challenging.

"Nothing," Dan says, dropping his head to rest on his hand. "Nothing at all."

Phil smiles at him, shaking his head before turning back to finish his dinner. "This might be a little premature," he announces after a second, taking a pause then. The kids turn to glance at him, all of them taking a pause from eating at the tone of his voice. If Dan had his phone on him, it would make a hilariously creepy photo.

"Well, go on, then," Dan prompts. "Don't leave us hanging."

With a barely-concealed grin, Phil sets his fork down, clasping his hands together and studying each of their faces carefully. "This might be a little premature," he repeats. "But who would like to start thinking about what's for dessert?"

~~~

Later that night, after all the kids are tucked in, Dan and Phil find themselves getting ready for bed together, going through their usual nightly routine with big yawns and shared smiles. Phil passes Dan his medication and Dan makes sure Phil removes his contacts, and when they’re finished in the bathroom, Dan leads the way to their bed. He yawns as he flicks off his lamp and crawls beneath the covers, blinking in the low light of the room.

“Are you staying up?” He asks once Phil’s settled on his side of the bed.

“Mm. No, I’m exhausted, actually,” Phil hums in response.

Dan gestures vaguely to the lamp still shining on Phil’s nightstand. “Mind turning that off?”

Phil is quiet as he rolls over and pulls the chain, sending the room into pitch darkness. Dan blinks quickly, forcing his eyes to readjust to the sound of Phil shifting around on the bed, trying to get comfy.

“Cuddle?” Phil asks, his hand rubbing up and down Dan’s arm.

Frowning a bit, Dan shakes his head sheepishly. “I’m not really in a cuddly mood tonight bub, sorry.”

“Oh,” Phil sounds surprised. “Okay, that’s fine.” He sounds like he means it.

Dan gently catches Phil’s hand as he retracts it, bringing his knuckles up to his lips for a gentle kiss. Phil lets out a soft sigh at the contact, and Dan smiles against his skin before releasing his hand.

They lay in silence for several moments before Phil speaks. “You’re not upset with me or anything, are you?” He asks, his voice unmistakably nervous.

“No, not at all,” Dan assures him. “I dunno, I’m just... feeling kinda sweaty, don’t really wanna be snuggled. I’m not mad at you.”

“Alright,” Phil replies. A few seconds pass before he says, “I reckon the kids are excited for Friday.”

Dan smiles. “Yeah, cause you had to go and basically tell Levi to let them stay up late. I’d be excited too,” he says teasingly.

Phil giggles. “Sorry about that. But I honestly think they’ll crash early anyway, just out of habit.”

Shrugging, Dan rolls to blink up at where the ceiling would be if it wasn’t too dark to see anything. “For Levi’s sake, I hope they do.” He chews his lip, his mind swirling with a couple thoughts he’s been considering the last few days. “Do you think maybe Levi is still uncomfortable living here?”

“Hm...” Phil considers it for a few minutes before he answers. “I think... maybe he’s having a harder time adjusting than the twins did.”

Dan nods, wincing when he accidentally chews through the skin on his lip, drawing a little blood. He smacks his lips against the metallic taste, nearly gagging as he tries to speak. “Maybe we should try to spend some more one-on-one time with him,” Dan suggests then.

“Maybe. We could go see a movie together or something? The twins could stay with my brother,” Phil offers.

“That might be nice. Do you think he’d even want to spend more time with us?”

Phil laughs at that. “I mean, honestly... if I was his age, I probably wouldn’t. I’d just want to have my own space and be left alone.”

Dan considers this for a while, and they’re both silent long enough that he wonders if Phil’s fallen asleep. The question is answered for him when Phil scoots closer and drops a kiss on Dan’s temple. “Don’t think too hard, love. We’ll figure something out.”

“Yeah,” Dan agrees passively. “We can maybe ask him about it tomorrow, see if there’s anything we can do to make him feel more at home or something. Do you reckon he’s just missing some of his old stuff?”

Phil yawns. “Maybe. Dunno what we’d do about that.”

Dan nods to himself before patting around until he finds Phil’s hand. He laces their fingers together before nudging at Phil’s shoulder, prompting him to roll over to face the door, allowing Dan to be the big spoon.

“Thought you didn’t want a snuggle,” Phil mumbles.

Dan shushes him. Phil snickers.

“Love you,” Dan murmurs against Phil’s hair a moment later, eyes drifting shut. He’s almost hoping Phil didn’t hear him, the words isolated and completely defenseless.

Phil releases Dan’s hand long enough to reach back and squeeze Dan’s hip gently in a fond gesture. “Love you too. Goodnight.”

~~~

There’s a tapping noise coming from either inside Dan’s skull, or perhaps the door. He realizes, somewhere in his soup brain, that it’s probably the door, but given he’s only slightly awake, he’s not completely positive. It stops and starts a few times, and eventually enough is enough.

They’d separated from their cuddle at some point and Phil is flopped out on his back, while Dan’s curled up on his side. Dan nudges Phil’s hip with his knee in an attempt to wake him. “Phil,” he mumbles. No response. “Phil.” Dan punctuates this with a sort of gentle kick to the shin

“Ow,” comes the mumbled response.

“Phil,” Dan whines, exasperated.

“Hm?”

“Door. Go see who’s at the door.”

Phil smacks his lips loudly in his nearly asleep state. “‘M asleep,” he rebuttals.

And really that leaves Dan only one choice.

“Dan!” Phil nearly screeches, flailing on the bed, suddenly blanket-less and exposed to the sharp chill of the room.

Dan hums innocently from where he’s confiscated all their covers. “Go. Door.”

“Why didn’t you get it?” Phil grumbles, even as he willingly climbs out of bed.

Snuggling down into the blankets, Dan sighs. “You were closer.”

Dan listens to Phil’s footsteps and then the sound of the door creaking open. His ears perk up like some weird superpower when he hears sniffling, followed by a tiny, “dad?”

“Oh, come here, Mia,” is Phil’s answering response. Dan imagines Phil wrapping her up in a hug then, and his heart is gripped with longing and fondness.

“I’m scared of the storm,” Amelia admits between shaky breaths.

“That’s okay,” Phil tells her kindly. “You can come sleep with us, baby. Come on.”

“It’s dark in here,” Amelia whispers as Phil leads her to the bed.

“Hold on, love.” There’s the feeling of the bed dipping, then the click of the lamp turning on. Dan scoots back on the bed to make room, holding out his arms with a tired smile, relinquishing some of his covers. Phil climbs back into bed behind her, pulling the blankets to cover himself as well.

“Night, babygirl,” Dan whispers to Amelia, dropping a kiss to the top of her head before letting his eyes drift shut once more.

His serenity lasts for only a few seconds before he feels something poke his chest. “Daddy?” Amelia whispers. “Are you asleep?”

Dan hums. “Mm. Not anymore,” he jokes.

It seems to go over Amelia’s head, as she replies with a quiet, “oh, sorry.”

Shaking his head, Dan brings her to his chest, checking that the blanket is tucked up evenly around her. “It’s okay, love. Are you warm enough?”

“Mhm,” she replies. “But daddy... I left my stuffy in my room.” She sounds positively devastated.

Dan, who had almost fallen back asleep in the time it took her to say that, tries to push out of the haze of sleep to think up a response. “Mm. Do you have to have it?”

“Yeah,” she whispers.

He sighs. “Alright.” Clearing his throat, he blinks over at his co-parent. “Phil. Babe, Mia left her plushy in her room and needs you to go grab it.”

Phil lets out an exasperated sigh. “Dan,” he states, calm but on the verge of annoyance.

“You already got up and lost some of the warm, you’ll be fine.”

“I hate you,” Phil informs him, squinting over at him in the low light of the lamp that still hasn’t been turned back off.

Dan smiles. “I love you too. Get the bear.”

“It’s an elephant,” Amelia corrects softly.

“Yeah, that,” Dan agrees. “Get her elephant.”

Phil makes a huffing noise and leans down to ruffle Amelia’s hair. “You two are lucky I love you both so much,” he says with a resigned sigh.

Dan dimples up at him, endlessly fond. “Thank you, dear,” he calls after him as Phil makes his way out of the room.

Amelia rolls over to blink up at Dan with shiny, tired eyes. “We’ve got a good dad,” she tells him thoughtfully.

Kissing the top of her head gently, Dan smiles. “Yeah, I reckon we do.”

A few minutes later, Phil returns with the plushy in hand. He leaves the door cracked open, and when Dan quirks an eyebrow at him, he shrugs. “Just in case Jaiden wakes up and gets scared.”

Dan’s lips quirk into a soft smile as he nods. “Good idea.”

Amelia holds her little hands out for the elephant, which Phil hands to her before tucking her in. He stays standing beside the bed for a moment, his fingers tapping against his thigh in a jittery sort of fashion.

“Are you coming back to bed?” Dan asks, his tone teasing.

Phil glances at him, shrugging. “I’m debating.”

“On?” Dan asks when Phil doesn’t elaborate.

Phil gives Dan a pitiful look, bringing his hand to rest on his belly. “I’m hungry.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “You’re not eating in bed in the middle of the night.”

Phil pouts. “Not even a little snack? Just a biscuit?”

“Absolutely not,” Dan snorts, indignant.

There’s a sigh, and Phil pulls the covers back, sliding underneath, resigned. Amelia shifts closer to him and whispers something in his ear. Phil’s eyes widen in surprise before he looks to Dan, his face full of glee. “Is that right?” He says, voice teasing.

“What are you two whispering about?” Dan mumbles, feeling very left out.

Amelia glances over her shoulder at him, giving him a very pitiful face. “Nothing,” she says, smiling innocently.

Phil grins before sitting up, reaching over Amelia to gently pet Dan’s hair, definitely a gesture of someone who wants something. “Dan,” he begins, his voice already full of smugness.

“No,” Dan interrupts, staring at him resolutely.

“But-“

“Absolutely not. You get crumbs in my bed, you‘re sleeping on the sofa.”

Phil looks absolutely abashed. “But, Daniel, you wouldn’t send our sweet little girl to sleep on the sofa, would you?” The smugness intensifies.

Dan narrows his eyes, his gaze flicking between the two of them. “What did you tell him, Mia?”

She smiles, patting Dan’s arm gently. “I asked if I could have just a tiny snack. A little one.”

Phil blinks at Dan pointedly. “And how can we say no to her? What kind of parents are we if we let her go hungry?”

Dan snorts at that. “Both of you finished your dinner and had dessert. I don’t think either of you are going hungry.”

“Daddy, just a little snack? We’ll bring you one too,” Amelia pleads, her little brown eyes so full of hope and innocence. Dan has no will against it.

“Fine.” They cheer quietly before he shushes them. “But,” he continues. “You can’t eat in here. I’m not kidding about crumbs in my sheets. Eat it in the kitchen, alright?”

Amelia nods excitedly before climbing over Phil, already desperate for the promise of food. Phil looks positively delighted as he leans over to press a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “You’re the best,” he says happily.

“Mhm,” Dan grumbles, waving them away.

Phil glances over at him, tilting his head to the side a bit. “You coming?”

Dan smiles at him gently, shaking his head. “Nah. I think this should be your thing with her. I don’t think I’m the midnight snack parent here.”

Something fond crosses Phil’s face, and he glances over to where Amelia is waiting for him by the door, scared to go to the kitchen by herself probably. “Alright. Want us to bring you something?”

Snorting, Dan shakes his head again. “I’m not breaking my own eating in bed rules, so that’ll be a no. But keep it quiet, yeah? I don’t want everyone in this house to know the sin you two are up to.”

Phil sticks his tongue out and Amelia covers her giggle with her elephant. “Be right back, then.”

Dan nods and gets comfy while they disappear down the hallway. He listens for a while at the quiet sounds of them whispering, and he’s glad the kitchen is closer to their room rather than the twins’ room. He hears what sounds like clinks of spoons and he guesses they’re probably having cereal. He wants to snort at the predictability of his best friend, but even sitting a room away he can’t pretend to be anything other than fond.

When they return, Phil’s carrying Amelia, who is sleepy and smiley in his arms. He’s got a wide grin on his face, and Dan can’t help but return it when they climb into bed. “Good snack?” He asks.

Phil nods and Amelia giggles. “We had some cereal,” she informs him.

Dan looks Phil dead in the eyes, giving him the most bland look he can muster. “Shocker,” he says, deadpan.

They maintain eye contact for just a moment before bursting into a fit of laughter. Amelia looks confused, but happy.

“You and your cereal-thiefing ways,” Dan mumbles, raising his arm and letting Amelia snuggle up to him. Phil looks down at the bed with a sheepish grin as he lays down. “Night, Mia. Love you.” Dan punctuates his words with a kiss to the top of her head.

“Night, daddy,” she mumbles, clearly already on the verge of sleep.

Phil blinks at him expectantly. Dan rolls his eyes. Phil pouts.

Leaning over Amelia carefully, Dan sloppily kisses Phil’s cheekbone. “I love you too, you absolute toddler,” he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Phil looks more than pleased when Dan pulls away. Dan watches as he snuggles down under the cover, tucking the blanket around their daughter carefully before closing his eyes. “Love you, Dan,” he mumbles when enough time has passed that Dan honestly thinks he may have already fallen asleep.

Dan blinks the moisture from his eyes. “Goodnight, bub,” he murmurs, the sound of Phil’s deep breaths already filling the silence.

~~~

Saturday is the same uneventful sort of day as it usually is in the Howell-Lester household, the day moving slow with everyone off school and work for the day. Dan is in the kitchen making an early lunch for everyone when Phil walks in, talking on his phone. Dan smiles at him, which Phil returns, a little less enthusiastically.

“Yes, I know, Mum,” he’s speaking into the phone. “I told you, Dan and I needed to think about it. We can’t just force them to go to your house for Christmas, can you imagine how awkward they’d feel?” Phil rolls his eyes as his mum speaks, probably chastising him for keeping her grandchildren away from her.

Dan can’t help but wince on Phil’s behalf. It’s strange enough suddenly being parental figures for three children, but add in the fabrication of their romantic relationship and, well, Phil’s family is feeling very left out of the loop, despite the fact that they’ve met the kids over FaceTime countless times. Dan knows the other man is holding onto what’s left of his sanity by a thread at this point, with all the pressure from his mum and the obvious obstacles that come with parenting. Dan definitely doesn’t envy his situation right now.

“Right. But there’s five of us now, mum.” Phil sends Dan a pleading look, and Dan can’t help but snicker. Phil rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. He hardly ever gets cross with his mum, so Dan knows something else must be bothering him. “I’ll talk with Dan about it, okay? I can’t make any promises, though. I...” he looks over at Dan then, something conflicting flashing across his face. “I have to put the kids first now, mum. We’ll see how they feel about it, okay?”

Dan tears his gaze away, focusing back on the sandwiches he’s meant to be crafting. He listens as Phil says his goodbyes, quietly murmuring for Phil to tell Kath he loves and misses her on Dan’s behalf. Phil relays the message and hangs up. A long sigh escapes his mouth then, and Dan can’t help but glance over at him.

Phil looks exhausted. His eyes are tired and his shoulders are slouched in a way that Kathryn would be rather appalled by. Dan’s heart feels a stab of sympathy for him.

“Rough talk?” He murmurs, trying to be careful with his inflection. He doesn’t want Phil to think he actually knows what they were discussing, even though he does.

“Yeah,” Phil whispers after a while. “Mum wants us to come to hers for Christmas.” Dan nods, staying quiet as he clears up the mess he’d made of the counter. Phil sighs again. “I don’t know what to tell her.”

Dan waits to see if there’s more, and when it’s clear that there’s not, he turns to face him, leaning on the counter. “Well, do you want to?”

“Do I want to what?” Phil asks, bewildered.

“Go to your family’s house for Christmas,” Dan elaborates, keeping his tone neutral.

Phil looks surprised, like he hadn’t thought to actually consider it. “I... well, I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, I’m hoping we still have the kids by then.”

Dan hates the stab of fear he feels at the implication that there might be an alternative to that, but he forces it down, smiling and stepping closer to wrap his arms around Phil’s waist in a hug. He thinks idly about how this is their first hug of the day. “I reckon we ought to at least consider it.”

“Hold on, wouldn’t your mum be upset if we went to mine instead of hers for Christmas?” Phil asks, almost sounding accusatory.

Dan snorts, pulling away. “Not likely. She’d want to see us, sure, but their big family Christmas dinner is always the Saturday after anyway.”

“Oh,” Phil says, somewhat surprised. “You’ve never told me about that,” he sounds offended.

“I guess it never crossed my mind?” Dan replies, a little puzzled as to why Phil seems to care. “Either way, my mum wouldn’t be fussed.”

Phil looks away as he considers it. Dan steps out of his personal space to give him room to think, moving around the kitchen and setting the table for lunch. Finally, Phil says, “I’ve never not been at my family’s house for Christmas Day.” He whispers it, like he’s ashamed.

Dan turns to glance at him, raising an eyebrow in surprise. “Yeah?” He says lightly, prompting him to elaborate if he wants.

“I don’t want to force the kids to go somewhere else if it’ll make them uncomfortable,” he continues quietly. “And I don’t want to not see my parents on Christmas, but…” He takes a breath, looking up at Dan with something vulnerable in his eyes. “I won’t leave you alone with the kids on Christmas.”

“Well...” Dan pauses to consider their options. “We could invite your family here, just for Christmas Day. Or we could speak to the kids and ask how they feel about Isle of Man for a holiday. You never know, Phil, they might actually want to go. They’ve met Kath enough through calls and all that, I really don’t think they would mind going.”

Phil nods slowly, his eyes becoming a little unfocused as he spaces out, deep in thought.

Before they can reach any sort of agreement, the twins come barreling into the kitchen, followed by their older brother, who looks vaguely apologetic. Whatever thoughtful silence that had existed in the kitchen before is completely gone when they enter.

“I tried to tell them not to run,” Levi says, shrugging.

At the same time, Amelia grabs the back of a chair, hopping up and down behind it as she asks, “What’s for lunch?”

Jaiden is the only quiet one, drifting to the balcony doors and gluing his face to the glass to watch for his pigeon friends.

Dan sighs, somewhere between content and exasperated. “We’re having sandwiches,” he tells Amelia. Smiling reassuringly at Levi, he says, “I think it’s a lost cause at this point, really.”

The teenager shrugs before going to sit at the table, glaring at his sister pointedly until she halts her jumping, looking sheepish as she slides into her chair. Dan smiles at this before looking over at Phil, who’s studying the table activity with a look of almost curiosity. Dropping a gentle hand to his arm, Dan waits for his gaze to refocus before speaking. “Love, could you get some drinks while I pass out food?”

Phil nods, offering a partial smile. “Sure.”

Dan waits until Phil’s turned to collect cups before he goes about setting out the plates for everyone, calling Jaiden to the table and promising they can feed the pigeons later.

After everyone has food and a drink, Dan allows himself to have a seat as well, making sure everyone has what they need before tucking into his lunch. The talk at the table varies from school, to video games, and to the excitement of being home alone the following Friday. Phil is much more present now, joking with the twins and listening carefully when Levi speaks. Dan’s so full of such a sense of normalcy that the thought of the true nature of the situation very nearly drifts away entirely.

Eventually everyone is finished eating and Levi offers to help clear everything up after the twins run to play in their room. Dan sees this as a perfect opportunity to ask him about how he’s feeling about his current living situation, and a shared glance with Phil says they’re on the same page. “Sure, bud,” Dan agrees easily. “Why don’t you help Phil clear the table while I put the rest of this stuff away.”

Levi nods, clearing plates away quietly. Phil glances over at Dan rather pointedly and Dan nods. Phil clears his throat, a little bit awkwardly, before speaking. “Levi,” he begins, his tone soft. The teen’s gaze snaps up almost immediately, a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face until something on Phil’s makes him relax slightly. “We were wondering how you’re feeling about living here so far.”

Levi looks vaguely uncomfortable, but shrugs. “Alright, I guess.” He pauses. Then, suspiciously, “Why?”

Dan shrugs from where he’s stood putting the sandwich stuff away. “We just want to make sure we’re doing what we can to make you comfortable here.”

“So, if there’s anything you need or want that we don’t know about, you can tell us and we can work on getting it for you,” Phil explains, giving Levi a bright smile.

Levi seems to consider this. He still looks vaguely suspicious. “Oh... okay. Well, nothing comes to mind.” He clears his throat awkwardly.

“And that’s fine! Just, you know, if you think of anything. You can tell us.” Phil says, giving Dan a soft glance.

Dan nods at him in agreement before turning to smile at Levi. “Yeah. You can always talk to us about anything.”

Levi glances between them, his gaze somewhat confused. “Right... okay.”

Feeling a little awkward at how poorly that seemed to go, Dan clears his throat. “I know it’s awkward for you,” he says quietly, trying not to make Levi feel even worse by having this conversation with Phil there. Levi gives him a wary look. “But we want you to feel at home here, if it’s possible.”

There’s a silence, and Dan turns to tidy the pantry up a little, allowing Levi the space to think or leave if he’s feeling uncomfortable. After a few moments, he sighs. “I... I appreciate that, really,” he says slowly. “But, like... you don’t have to try so hard.”

Dan glances over at him sharply in surprise, his gaze flicking over to find that shock mirrored in Phil’s. “Oh. Okay,” is all Dan’s mouth can come up with.

Levi shrugs awkwardly. “Just... it’s awkward enough, yeah? Like suddenly you two have a teenager to look after, and I mean, I’m glad you let me be with my brother and sister, but you can worry about them, not me.”

It takes a long moment for Dan to process this, and when he does he feels his eyes burn. “Levi...” he starts, his voice pained.

Before Dan can even begin to explain how wrong it is for Levi to think they shouldn’t care about him, Phil speaks. “Levi, no. We’re not- we care about all of you. We didn’t just let you in like some stray off the street, okay? We wanted you here, from the moment we realized that the twins had a brother they’d been separated from.”

Levi looks surprised, as if they hadn’t already tried to relay this information to him before. “I-“

Phil interrupts him, holding a hand up to pause his words. “As awkward as you think this is for us, it’s not. We consider the three of you a part of our family, okay? Not just the twins. You’re just as much our child as they are, and you will be until your case manager decides otherwise. And we want to do things for you, just like we do the twins, if you’ll let us.”

Levi looks actually, properly stunned. He blinks rapidly, his gaze flicking between the two of them before finally dropping to the floor. “Okay.”

Phil’s shoulders seem to relax at that. “Good. Now, go get your things ready so Dan can drive you to your group session.”

Without another word, Levi leaves the room, although he does give Dan a bewildered look as he leaves. Dan shrugs at him, unsure how to explain Phil’s sudden outburst of emotional connection.

Left alone with him, Dan looks over to find Phil leaning back against the counter, rubbing the palms of his hands against his eyes and taking shuddering breaths. Without even thinking, Dan moves over to him, tugging his hands away and sweeping gentle fingers over the tears pouring from Phil’s eyes. “Shh,” Dan whispers when Phil lets out something like a sob. “You’re alright, baby. I’m so proud of you. That- that was such a lovely thing to tell him.”

“I love them so much, Dan,” Phil cries, dropping his head to Dan’s shoulder suddenly. Dan stares at the side of his head in shock. Phil obviously cared for them, but he’d never gotten this openly emotional about his affection for the children before. Seeing it was making Dan sniffle a little as well.

“I know, Phil. I know.” Dan brings one hand up to stroke the back of Phil’s head while the other caresses down his spine.

“I can’t believe Levi thinks he’s- he’s- like, a charity case or something! He’s our son!” Phil’s nearly sobbing now, and Dan tightens his grip.

“Shh. Quiet now, love. Shh, I know,” Dan murmurs soft words as Phil manages to work it out. He was a little out of depth here, as Phil was normally the more rational, less tearful one between the two of them. Apparently today was the exception, however. “You’ll cry yourself into a migraine if you aren’t careful, baby.”

Phil sniffles a few more times after that, finally getting a grip on his emotions. Dan waits for him to pull away first, and when he doesn’t, Dan begins to pepper kisses to his cheek and temple and ear. “Sorry,” Phil whispers.

Dan presses a soft kiss to his earlobe. “Nothing to be sorry for. Everyone cries.”

It’s quiet for a bit, but eventually Phil tilts his head, catching Dan mid-smooch. Dan flushes at their close proximity, but before he can pull away or apologize, Phil tilts forward just enough to peck Dan’s lips with his own. It’s hardly a kiss, more just a brush, but Phil looks completely unapologetic when he pulls away.

“Thank you,” he mumbles, hugging Dan tightly.

Dan’s not sure what he’s thanking him for, so he stays silent. They’re interrupted by the sound of footsteps, and Dan steps carefully out of Phil’s grip. Phil clutches his shirt anyway, and Dan can’t help but smile at that. “Ready to go?” He asks Levi, who’s hovering by the door looking awkward.

“Yeah,” he replies. He looks down, scuffing his shoe against the tile. “Phil?”

Phil looks surprised when he glances over at him. “Yeah?” He says, his voice a little scratchy from crying.

Levi seems to consider his words carefully before replying. “Er- thank you. For what you said earlier.”

“Of course,” Phil says immediately.

The teen nods, not lifting his gaze. Evidently that’s all that he’s got to say.

Dan tilts his head to look at Phil, who looks back at him with a surprised, but proud face. Dan doesn’t even think about holding back, dropping a soft kiss to Phil’s mouth like it’s nothing. Like it doesn’t send his blood racing and his heart stuttering. Like he does it every day.

Phil looks... well, happy. Dan shocks himself with the thought, but his mind only supplies that description of the look on his face when Dan pulls away from the brief kiss. “Drive safe, okay?”

“I will,” Dan nods. He pushes Phil’s quiff up from where it’s drooping. “Need anything while I’m out?”

“Snacks?” Phil asks, his voice sweet.

Dan rolls his eyes. “You’re going to snack yourself into a sugar coma, bub,” he teases.

Phil grins, his tongue caught between his teeth. “And you’ll take care of me while I’m in a coma, right?”

Dan kisses his nose. “If I have to.”

They grin at each other, and somewhere, Dan feels some relief in his heart or mind or the void where his soul should be. It feels a little bit like a fading resolve, or some wall being chipped away at. He feels lighter than he has in weeks, standing in his kitchen banting affectionately with his best friend in the whole world

“Go, he’ll be late,” Phil prompts, pushing Dan away.

“Movie night when we get back?” Dan asks, moving to the door.

Phil smiles and nods excitedly. “And pizza.”

“Perfect. It’s a date.”

~~~

Several hours later, after an overwhelming amount of pizza and a passive watch of Disney’s Hercules, Dan and Phil see the kids off to bed, much to the chagrin of the twins, who for all their complaining, stumble down the stairs like little drunks. Dan teases them for it, and Amelia, predictably, teases him right back, reminding him of the time he tripped down the stairs, stone-cold sober. Much giggling on the twin’s behalf later, after Dan has tried, and failed, to defend himself, the kids finally say their goodnights and head to their bedrooms.

“I’m so tired,” Dan moans the minute he steps into their room. He flops down onto their bed, star-fishing out in that way Phil does that usually annoys him so much.

“Sucks, bub,” Phil chuckles. “Gonna take your jeans off?” He asks, rummaging through their dresser.

Dan considers it. He really is very tired. “Is there some way I could perhaps convince you to do it for me?” He asks sweetly, fluttering his eyelashes up at Phil when the older man glances at him. He’s mostly kidding.

Phil’s eyes roll up to the ceiling at this, but sighs as he walks over and deposits his pajamas onto the side of the bed not currently occupied by Dan’s noodle limbs. “Undo ‘em for me,” he instructs, bringing his hands down to tug Dan’s socks off for him.

Dan hadn’t expected this. Honestly, he’s not sure he would’ve done it for Phil, really for no reason other than how it would feel to undress his best friend. Especially now that he knows there’s some very not-platonic feelings floating around his heart. Just that conscious thought, accepting those feelings he has for Phil, sends Dan’s blood rushing to his head, making him dizzy.

“Dan?” Phil calls quietly, patting Dan’s thigh to get his attention. “Do you actually want me to?”

“I... I’ll do it. I was just kidding, really,” Dan stutters out. He clears his throat. “Thanks, though. You’re a good friend.” He’s glad he’s still laying on his stomach, so he doesn’t have to meet Phil’s eyes as he says it.

There’s the feeling of hands running over his calves, gently massaging, and Dan sighs. “Of course, bub,” Phil quietly murmurs. “I’m gonna go take a shower, okay?”

“Yeah,” Dan agrees passively.

Phil squeezes his leg. Dan listens to his footsteps, allowing his eyes to flutter shut as the bathroom door clicks shut.

He doesn’t mean to fall asleep, but when he drifts back into the present world, it’s to the feeling of something tugging underneath him. “Mph?” He huffs a confused sound.

“Shh,” Phil whispers softly. “It’s just me, Dan. I’m trying to cover you up, scoot over a bit.”

After blinking the sleep out of his eyes a bit, Dan realizes that he’s still laid on the bed, wearing the same clothes he laid down in. Phil’s stood next to him, working on tugging the blanket out from under him so he can cover him up. “My jeans,” Dan complains.

Phil nudges him to sit up. “Go take them off and brush your teeth. You’ll wake up in the middle of the night anyway if you don’t go to bed with a clean mouth, remember?”

Dan grumbles but does as he’s told, stumbling off the bed and into the bathroom, unbuttoning his jeans as he goes. After taking a wee and tugging the stupid jeans off his long legs, Dan brushes his teeth slowly, feeling groggy from his short nap.

“Don’t forget to take your meds, babe,” Phil says, poking his head into the bathroom and tapping the doorframe to get Dan’s attention.

Nodding, Dan waves him off. Phil leaves him to it, allowing Dan to finish his routine alone before going back to their bedroom to join him. Phil’s sat up at the headboard, his glasses sliding down his nose as he looks down at the worn pages of a book. Dan crawls into bed beside him, leaning his head on Phil’s shoulder. Wordlessly, Phil tilts his head and kisses Dan’s forehead. Dan is so, so warm.

“What are we reading tonight?” Dan asks softly, too lazy and tired to actually read the page.

“Ready Player One,” Phil replies, turning the page. “Want me to read to you?”

Dan snuggles against his side shamelessly, wrapping his arm around Phil’s stomach. “Yeah.”

Phil takes a moment to pull the covers up and over Dan, smoothing them over his leg and patting his knee before bringing his hands back to the book. Phil’s voice is low and soothing as he reads, and Dan is very nearly asleep when he hears a soft knock on the door. They both turn to face it in sync, and Dan has to bite back a giggle at the movement.

“Come in,” Phil calls, loud enough for whoever to hear, but quiet enough that it won’t wake anyone asleep.

The door swings open after a second to reveal Levi, who shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, avoiding their eyes, cradling his hand awkwardly.

“Hey, bub,” Dan says softly. “What do you need?”

Levi steps closer to the bed, holding his left hand up with a grimace. “I, uh... kinda cut myself. I didn’t know where the band-aids were,” he says, looking the epitome of awkward and uncomfortable.

Dan immediately climbs off the bed and heads into the bathroom, gesturing for Levi to follow. “I’ll give you some to put in the other bathroom, I thought we had some but Phil’s the actual clumsiest person alive so sometimes we run out,” Dan explains with a smile. Levi offers a quiet laugh, hovering in the door.

“I am not!” Phil protests from the bedroom.

Dan rolls his eyes, but mouths, “he is,” causing Levi to laugh for real. Dan grins, gesturing to Levi’s hand. “Want me to look at it?” He offers gently.

Levi shakes his head. “It’s barely a scratch, honestly. I don’t even know why it’s bleeding, it doesn’t hurt.”

Dan sends him a suspicious look as he rummages through the cabinet. “What happened, anyway?”

“I was working on that art project I told you about,” Levi replies. “The paper mache thing? I was cutting the paper and the scissors just slipped.”

“Hm,” Dan hums neutrally. “Be more careful, alright? You might need your hand later in life,” he jokes.

Levi rolls his eyes but nods. “I will. It’s really just a scratch, though, honest.”

“I’m sure,” Dan agrees. “But make sure to wash it out and put some antibacterial gel on it, okay?”

Looking on the verge of another eye roll, Levi manages a more impatient nod, holding his hand out for the bandaids. “Got it,” he concedes.

Dan supplies him with a bandaid for now and several extras, making a mental note to buy a new box the next time he’s out. He follows Levi out, going to climb back in bed as Levi shuffles to the door.

“Levi?” Phil calls gently.

The teen turns around, raising his eyebrows. “Hm?”

“Everything at school going alright?” Phil asks. “I feel like we never get a proper chance to ask you about it with the twins always around.” He smiles as he says it, softening the almost accusation in his words.

Levi shrugs. “It’s alright. It’s school,” he says, his voice betraying nothing.

“Yeah,” Phil agrees with a twitch of his lips. “I get what you mean. But so far, it’s okay? The teachers aren’t too bad and the kids are alright?”

“Yeah, they’re fine,” Levi says. He gestures at Dan vaguely. “I think he gave me all the easy teachers because they’ve all been pretty nice.”

Dan is about to protest but Phil sends him this lovely smile and Dan shuts up immediately. “Good, good,” Phil says. “I guess we’ll let you get to bed, then.”

Levi nods, waving at them a little awkwardly. “Alright. Night, guys.”

“Goodnight, Levi,” Dan calls after him as he walks out the door. He waits a beat to make sure Levi is well down the hall before turning to look at Phil. “You really are a good dad,” he says, almost conversationally.

Phil smiles at him fondly. “I should be. I’ve been practically raising you for the past ten years.” His tone is joking but it still embarrasses Dan, just a little, to be reminded of their slight age difference.

Dan can feel the wicked grin making its way onto his face. He can’t control himself, obviously, with the joke presented so perfectly. He leans in, resting his chin on Phil’s shoulder and pressing a feather-light kiss to Phil’s ear before whispering in his most sultry voice, “Daddy.”

“Ew!” Phil splutters, immediately shoving Dan away. He looks absolutely mortified when he’s put some space between them. “Never say that again, Dan,” he warns, sounding very, very serious, and very, very disturbed.

Dan erupts into a fit of laughter at Phil’s reaction, swiping tears of mirth out of his eyes. “Oh my god. You’re too easy! And the look on your face,” Dan sighs, catching his breath. He snuggles back against Phil with an innocent smile that Phil returns with a glare. “I promise I won’t say it again. I just had to, honestly.”

“You really... didn’t,” Phil argues, flicking his gaze up so he doesn’t have to meet Dan’s eyes.

Pressing his lips to Phil’s cheek is Dan’s apology, which Phil seems to accept if his sigh and the way he wraps an arm around Dan is any indication. “That really wasn’t funny,” he mumbles, collecting his book back on his lap and flipping it open again.

“Sure it was,” Dan replies easily, watching with a cringe as Phil returns to his dog-eared page. “It was funny to me.”

Phil knocks his head against Dan’s gently as reprimand. “You’re doing an awful lot of chatting for someone who was nearly asleep only half an hour ago, bub.”

Dan smiles against his shirt. “Alright, alright. I’ll be quiet.” Phil huffs like he doesn’t believe it but clears his throat to start reading. Before he can, Dan interrupts him. “Can you start at the beginning? It’s been a while since I’ve read this and I don’t remember who half these people are.”

There’s a groan, and Dan can’t help but bite back a laugh. “No, I’m not starting at the beginning, you horrible boy. This is supposed to be my quiet reading time.”

“Sorry,” Dan lies. “But you offered to read to me, so...”

“I’ll start at the beginning of this chapter. And if you get confused I’ll explain what’s happening. But otherwise shut your mouth and go to sleep, yeah?” Despite the irritation he’s obviously feeling at Dan pestering him, Phil’s words are still incredibly fond and bear no actual unkindness.

“M‘kay,” Dan agrees. “You may proceed.”

There’s a pause as if Phil’s waiting to be interrupted, but when he isn’t, he jumps right into the story, reading it at just the right volume for Dan to listen passively, his eyelids getting heavier and heavier with every paragraph. Eventually he nods off on Phil’s shoulder, but in their position his head lulls to the side and the movement jolts him awake again.

“You okay?” Phil whispers.

“Mm. Mhm. Sleepy,” Dan mumbles back.

Phil turns down the corner of his page, making Dan cringe, before placing the book onto his bedside table and turning off the lamp. He’s careful not to jostle Dan too much as he guides him into a proper sleeping position, tugging Dan’s pillow closer to his own and guiding his head to it. Dan allows his eyes to drift shut as Phil settles behind him, pulling the duvet up and over their shoulders.

“Warm enough?” Phil whispers against Dan’s hair.

“Mhm.” Dan reaches back until he finds Phil’s hand, pulling his arm to wrap around his waist. He feels a kiss against his neck and smiles. “Goodnight,” he murmurs.

Phil hums a response into the lack of space between them, but Dan’s already drifting back off to sleep.

#phan #phanfiction #parent!au #parent!phan #foster parent au #bbc producer!phil #school counselor!dan #fake relationship #friends to lovers #best friends #if you don't love me pretend #iydlmp #chapter 19

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survivorjordanpines · 7 years ago

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Episode 1 Pt 1: I’m Gonna Snatch her Weave so Hard she’ll be Seeing Stars. - Charlotte

I'M ON THE PENIS TRIBE WHAT THE FUCK

LMFAOOOOO THE FACT THAT REGAN WAS WILLING TO RETURN TO A SEASON HOSTED BY J O R D A N P I N E S IS HILARIOUS I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY All jokes aside, it's great to be back! So far I have met Lily and Amanda, who are new to me, and then there's Chrissa....yikes. I voted her out of Wikia Main ORG, but I think we've patched up things. I get Jack back, yes! More to come soon!

MISS KEISHA....MISS KEISHA!!!! Oh my fuckin god shes fuckin dead

That Adam on the other tribe sucks. I don’t like anything about him but especially not his hair. He seems like someone who gets really upset about ice cream sundaes

I'm shook Jordan casted Regan

I AM SO OVERWHELMED MY TRIBE IS SO ICONIC WHAT

First confessional of the season here we go. First impressions of my tribe...... Charlotte: Who? Ive heard she’s an icon but she also hosts the same game as L.A. Karen: icon that I think likes me, Alliance Member, probably gonna be my #1 Jaiden: crazy lunatic flop who will hopefully overcast myself being a crazy lunatic flop Regan: female jaiden David: pretty sure he has a beef with me rip L.A.: hosts a game with Charlotte, I’ll probably target them Adam: heard he’s an icon, don’t know why but that makes me scared I can’t remember who the other 2 are so they’re probably irrelevant

I’m here and I’m ready to party! I’m sad Sambrina isn’t on my tribe she seems pretty cool. That Ryan guy can suck an egg

Literally why did I do this. Jordan Pines better love me forever. #regrets

So like we got some pretty iconic people on this season like Chrissa. I love that girl. Anyways, my tribe seems like a good bunch of people and I am already predicting Charlotte doing well. I need to work with her so that I can get far as well then cut her off cause from what I know that girl is good at this game. These people seem like a good group because I am already getting messages from them and not to them. So I think it will be really good to be here. Having two tribe go to tribal is ugly because now he HAVE to win. I wish Adam the best of luck and will not blame him if we fail. Good luck to myself!

I hate writing confessionals so TBH I probably won't do very many. In the past I've always played as a very loyal player and I think that's what people will expect from me in this game. Ha, jokes on them, I'm here for blood and I can't wait to bathe in it. Playing loyal got me eighth place the last time I played TS and I don't plan on flopping again - actually, that's probably not true, but let's pretend I actually stand a chance. I think my tribe is alright but we're going to have some stiff competition. A lot of the "threats" from past games are on the nahte and nadroj tribe so the fact that only one tribe can win immunity is a little inconvenient. I'm also sad that RTP isn't on my tribe. His intro video was just fun. I need to make it to the first tribe swap or the merge so I can play with Ryan! But anyways, let's do first impressions because people - for some reason - care about those. Adam: I don't know him and I haven't heard of him either. I liked his intro though so he seems like he could be someone fun to play with in this game. I guess we'll find out more but he had some good ideas for the flag so - phew, I think he'll be a good addition to the tribe. David: Oh look, another person I haven't heard of or know. I have a feeling this is going to be a trend. He seems nice enough? It's been a day, Joyce, I don't know these kids yet. Kage: Alright so Kage and I were the first people in the group, so we had a chance to talk a wee bit before we got the rest of our tribe. I like him TBH. We never got a chance to play together in any previous games so I think this could be interesting. Karen: I HAVE ONLY HEARD NICE THINGS ABOUT KAREN. I'm excited to see if we can work together in this game but I am a little worried because I think she'd be more likely to work with LA than me in this game. What's that? I'm worried someone wants to work with LA? lol. Cage: We haven't had a chance to talk much but I think he might be GMT so maybe that'll happen this morning?? IDK the wiki says he's in the US so maybe I'm wrong. Regan: Of fucking course Regan is on my tribe. I love Regan, don't get me wrong, but "Fought" in the VL and she rage quit before the cast reveal. LMAO oops. Here's hoping she doesn't vote me out for pointing out that she was wrong about Taylor Swift's live performance dates. I hate that I even knew enough to contradict her wrong statements. Ugh. I hate me. Jaiden: I am actually so excited to have Jaiden on my tribe. I just hosted him on Themyscira so I kinda think I know how his brain works?? He likes to be chaotic and make big moods and you can never trust him as far as you can throw him. I like to think that he might work with me, just because we do get along, but you never know. Jaiden is a wild card. If I decide I want to play messy, he's a great guy to do it with. LA: Bitch needs to go. Seriously. There's absolutely no way the two of us can work together in this game because it puts a huge target on our backs. If we lose, I lowkey want to campaign to send her ass home. It'll only help my game. Rafael: I was so hyped to see Rafael on my tribe. I just watched him play in IOS and was annoyed I didn't draft him because his VL confessionals are hilarious. I really hope we are able to work together in this game. That's my goal. Also can you believe Jordan threw all of the Geminis on one tribe? Fuck, we're going to murder each other. I love it.

Hilo! Im back for another season..aka my 6th time. I swear I dont love myself but im only here to have fun so whatever. 30 PPL? and im not?!? on the icons tribe!??! okie whatever idk any of those irrelevant ppl anyways..like who the fuck are these ppl? (king andreas ur not included) anyways evaluation time because i love reading what ppl say about me so im sure ppl feel the same way MY TRIBE: Allison-we did a tribe call last night and she literally rubbed me the wrong way. How can you be that annoying? I seriously dont know. And it was just her and alex and jordan and i on the call at one point and she said something rude just as i was telling them bye for the night. Like literally leave? Amanda-We played in Maldives but i dont really count that because we were on the opposite tribe and i was second boot. I mean Im trying to connect with her ...but nothing bad to say about her. But also nothing good? ya feel me? Chrissa- Idk what to say about her :c sorry girl Drew- oh drew, we have such a weird relationship. Weve played in sides and mains together and for the first 3 times ive snatched him and now hes returning the favor. If I remember correctly were actually even now. BUT IM DYING TO PLAY WITH HIM AND HAVE HIM BE LOYAL. Lets be real I cant send him home as long as there is a redemption island fkjsdhfkdshf Jack- Andreas was his mentor in whatever shitty game steffen hosted? so idk if i can use that to my advantage or not. Liam- mY LITERAL SON! I LOVE HIM. After i forced rocks in india and he left i felt so bad so i will literally try to save him as much as possible and ill be super loyal to him. my love LIAM I LOVE U Lily-LOL regan hates her so if u think im not going to use this to my advantage ur so wrong. I love her she is so adorably cute. I want to keep her as a pet. And it makes me happy regan hates her ahahhahahahah. Madison- again..sorry idk her? Nick- WHO? The I hate jp tribe (also can we talk about who is on this tribe...jordan what...are u trying to do ...all these players are messy?) anyways Adam- irrelevant Charlotte-literal queen/ i hosted her before and i adore her so much David- DAVID ROBB I LOVE U Gage- ok but what kinda...name? Jaiden- JORDAN PINES WHY WOUIKLD U DPO THIS TO ME? WHY WOULD U DO THIS TO ANYONE? LET ME LIVE! hes crazy . pls let him live a short life Kage- hes so funny, and hes also messy so like....omg? but i deadass have him under control so i love that bitch Karen- can i just say shes so cute and we met in person and shes cuter in person. Fucking 10/10 would bang. I love her so much. But she never makes it to swap so L.A- literally love. I hosted them as well Raffy- who are u? Regan-ok but like shes obsessed with me and i think in like...a friend way idk hopefully in a friendway lool i think im the only one who can control her so this is going to be fun if she lasts and i get to play w her Icons tribe Andreas-LITERALLY MY BESTFRIEND EVER LITERALLY I LOVE HIM ANDREAS WE ARE CO WINNING I LOVE U SO MUCH!! the rest of the icon tribe can suck it because literally yall are all ugly and just really fucking irrelevant to me? like why are u icons? idk you????????? uhuh

I love this cast, holy shit. Being on the same tribe with Char is gonna be hard, people know we are friends and we have some of our Themyscira kids in here so this will be interesting. We already know we're gonna be gunning for each other at some point. KAREN (heart eyes) I also REALLY wanna work with Jaiden tbh

I love frogs and I currently am aligned with my whole tribe except for two people.

6th time.... Holy Kawolski. This time around I'm just going to try to make it as far as I can. I'm taking it one day at a time and not focusing too long term. So im on the Legends/Icons tribe and I feel out of place. 7 of these people played TS before me, and I still feel like the new kid on the block.... isn't that crazy? I also see a lot of familiar faces in this cast so I'll have to deal with that eventually. Right now I think my struggle is theirs so many old school people that all know each other. Who thought it was a good idea putting Ari, RTP, Jessica, and Casey on the same tribe ??? I think I wanna try to form some sort of alliance with them though. If all of us who played a bunch of times can band together then I think it may be better for all of us. We shall be targeted eventually, we shouldn't go after each other on top of that. I think the only person who might have an issue with me is RTP. I got him out in Easter, but this time around I understand how he likes to play so I need to cater around that. No personal talk - just game. Let's rocket.

The tribe seems to be very connected through the first challenge. I've been talking a lot with Kage and he seems like a potential ally for me. Throughout the day, the tribe has spoken with each other in the tribe chat and sadly I was not able to participate a lot because of school. The people most in it were Karen, Regan, and Adam. I sense that they could be working together down the line if this behavior keeps up. I want to try and continue communications with Kage as well as trying to get on Charlotte's good side.

Kage wants to work with Charlotte, LA, and I in an alliance. I think this will work well for us in the long run. He also wants to have one other person in this alliance they the two of us control so that if it were to come down to it, it would be 3 vs. 2 with us having the majority. I feel that this is a good plan, but we lack the fifth person. I hope I can try and find someone or Kage does. Pray and hope! I am talking with LA more though so I hope this establishes the groundwork for us to be allies.

Oh man, oh man, oh man. Looks like I'm putting my faith in Sarah to be a power duo. I love her to death, I really do, but I really do hope she means what she says and doesn't try to cut me loose early.

I cant believe I might have to align with R*gan but thats what it looks like its coming down to. Karen is my favorite minion. I love Gage, Everyone else idk ha

ok so my tribe......... has the WORST ideas for this flag and like adam was gonna do it????/on??/paint????/ this tribe is already selfdestructing anyway as much as I hate jp like I don't want a flag with us murdering him??? ugh anyway I think I have an ides but itll be blandish

@the flag making challenge and our flag specifically The supportive tribemate in me: https://media.giphy.com/media/l3JDFJncJHteKIYzm/giphy.gif The pessimist in me: https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/skirt-vintage-mean-girls.gif?w=650 The try-hard comp queen in me: https://media.giphy.com/media/115nGRivk9zjkA/giphy.gif The realist in me, seeing RTP on the icons tribe and knowing I'll never make something better anyway: https://media.giphy.com/media/Hb0mP3CTazPmU/giphy.gif Me today: https://media.thedailytouch.com/2014/11/shaun-dead-gif-pub.gif

So, I like my tribe, they're all very nice people. BUT! They are very weak willed. Like I feel like I've got to kindergarten teacher them into getting work done. Lots of exclamation points and happy encouragement. It's only because you've got us doing this stupid arts and crafts challenge. Mr. "Too Lazy to Make the Flags Himself". I like Charlotte the best, she's being very helpful. Karen annoys me kind of but she's the one with photoshop so I need her. Kage is cool but he doesn't seem to have anything to offer to the challenge. Same with a bunch of them really. Like everyone is very friendly and excited but no one really offers up any ideas or help. LA gave us the good idea about word art but didn't really back it up with anything so me and Charlotte figured it out on our own. Like I don't really want to be the leader but everyone is such a follower. Like I wanted to gather minions but damn I don't need this many. Someones gotta be voted out at some point. Whatever, I'm just tryna get everyone to like me, because people really only align with the people they like. Idk, this game is stupid and I don't have time for it but I'm already in it so I'll at least try. "Tumblr Survivor Jordan Pines" What kind of idiot let this happen

Adam is really doing that with this challenge. There is no way that he would be able to be voted out after this level of participation.

so I love the flag idk if it will win but i love it, I am in a perpetual panic attack right now generally for today in general and shit that happrened yesterday. But I hope we win I need something good.

Well, I thought I'd finally break down how things are going. Looking at this cast I see a lot of familiar faces. Like, A LOT! We have: Jack, my student from Kvaloya. We were paired together however we never had the chance to play together. In this game we have no reason to play together and I think he would trust me easily because of our past. I'm not really loyal to him and I don't feel a need to work with him if we do end up on the same tribe. Gage, we were on a tribe together very briefly in Kvaloya. We went to a tribal but I always felt he was up to no good. I still feel that way lmao. Liam, we were also on a tribe in Kvaloya. However, we did work together - more trust on his side then mine BUT he's a solid guy none the less. Kage, O M G. HA. I literally orchestrated everything about his elimination in Great Lakes from Day 1. I lied to people about him and started rumors and ultimately got him to sent to Redemption Island where I single handily sent him home. He has reason to want me out but we have a good relationship outside of games so we shall see. Drew, I'm happy to see him here! We worked together in Bangladesh but we never completely trusted each other. However, we were grouped together and I think we could work well together. Hopefully he feels the same way. SARAH LYNN, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. Actually one of my best friends in the whole world. I went to visit her once. She's my final 2, I don't care what people think or say. We have each others back 100% and I can't wait until we can play together on the same tribe. Karen, HA. Another person who I contributed greatly to their elimination. But I think she's someone I want to work with so I think we can put Easter Island behind us. Ryan, I sent him in Easter and I can't read him for shit so is he still mad at me ? We shall never know. Emma, MOM!!!! I love Emma and honestly I'm so happy we're on the same tribe ! Someone I know I can trust. Regan and Casey have also hosted me so I have good working relationships with them. So on our tribe we have a lot of people who were old school TS. I'm trying to like remind people we all need to have each others backs, as if we don't then these new people will target us. Hopefully their listening to me. I'm very aware of the friendships these people and I'm trying to get in with Ari/Jess/Ryan as I think they would be able to take me the furthest. Cole and I also talked and we mentioned how we wanna go far together so thank GOD i got him! I like him, hes real and I respect that. I think I also plan on playing a very social game. I want people to want to tell me their secrets and such. So for the challenge it's flag making and I decided to make the flag because I knew I could do an A++ flag, so I hope we win with it! ALSO so i found on the rule page a puzzle to a secret advantage and i did it and I was too late :( Someone has one and i'm not happy !!!!!!!!! I think it might be Drew, hes smart like that.

#supportyourlocaljordanpines

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