#or 'the use of the gray was soooo justified'

[angelinthefire]

I think a really important thing about characters' actions in Arcane is that no one thinks they're the villain (except maybe Jinx when she fires on the council at the end of s1, as an act of despairing acceptance). Every character thinks their actions are justified and reasonable.

I raise this specifically with reference to Caitlyn's use of the gray in s2 because I am getting kind of sick of seeing bad takes about it on all sides.

Caitlyn's approach in going after Jinx is to try to be as targeted as possible. Vi truly believes that they're minimizing harm to civilians by using the gray to clear the streets. They do take out crime bosses.

At the same time. You cannot control poison gas once it's released. The show puts illustrations of the harm it does on-screen for a reason. The lyrics to the song that plays during the music video bit talk about "making friends with my demons". People are shown fleeing from the gray. There is a reason why Jinx is celebrated for turning the gray back on Piltover.

Cait, and Vi especially, are trying to do the right thing by going after Jinx as efficiently as possible. But they fail at doing the right thing. That's the point. It's their fall from grace.

[mcustorm]

Thoughts on Love, Victor Season 1

PSA: If you think that you might be gay, don’t get a girl emotionally invested! Please!

Ya know, at first when I thought about what I was going to write about this show, I thought that I should split the writings into the first half/last half of the show. Now I’m thinking “screw it”, if only because if I was going to go that route I should have stopped, parsed through my feelings about the first 5 episodes, and written those thoughts before proceeding with the next half. That, of course, did not happen, so to prevent the back half of the season’s events from miring the first half, I’ll just write about the whole shebang. There’s probably a joke about that word somewhere, I’ll try not to make it.

Anyways, let’s start by saying that on the whole, I really liked this show. It was not as good as Sex Education season 1, yet in my opinion waaaay better than HSMTMTS season 1. Most of the characters were likable and felt developed enough, it moved at a nice pace, and you can tell that a lot of heart went into this. Perhaps because we all watched this in a day, it felt like a 5 hour movie rather than a 10 episode tv show.

Additionally, I of course like the Latinx representation. The intersectionality of the Latinx community and the LGBTQ+ community has been presented on at least five TV shows to my knowledge: Ugly Betty, One Day at a Time, Diary of a Future President, The Baker and the Beauty, and now Love, Victor. Let’s keep it up!

As for the premise of the show itself, I *love* that this show acknowledges that Simon’s journey, at least at his house, was leaps and bounds easier than many other people’s. Victor’s parents are more conservative and religious, and they don’t have their shit together, so this is not the best environment to drop that bombshell in (which is why it was so incredible when Victor decides to do it anyway). Simon and Victor’s DM’s being a framing device for the show was a great way to tie the universe together.

The hook of Love, Simon was that you know all those cheesy and cliche rom-coms that straight people have gotten since the dawn of time? Well LGBT people deserve those stories too! Love, Victor is sort of presented with that same thesis in mind, which is why watching these episodes felt like different things I’ve seen before all over. The whole season ironically feels like Alex Strangelove: The TV Show, right down to the often cringy relationship with the girl, the openly gay love interest who conflicts our protagonist, and the goofball friend who chases after a girl who is seemingly out of his league.

Mia’s character felt a lot like Laila from All-American, being a black girl who is ordained as the hottest girl at school (which I feel like is a title only given in fictional schools), who also has a missing mother and problems with her rich dad. Pilar, on the other hand, feels like Casey from Atypical, in that she is openly rebellious in large part because of her mother’s infidelity.

Victor’s story this season sure was something to watch. The biggest question for me was, just how much sympathy should he be given? The world is inherently unfair to Victor. None of us should have to go through the agony and anxiety that so often comes with being in the closet and coming out. But for Victor to have visited those problems on Mia, who is going through things herself? That makes him pretty morally gray.

But he was still finding himself! But he loves Mia, just not like that! I get it, which is why he should have cut things off as soon as he got back from New York, no he should have cut things off when she asked him if there was “anything else” in her bedroom, no he should have cut things off when he literally felt like he and Benji were the only two people in the room at the concert, no he really shouldn’t have done this to begin with.

The line between Victor finding himself and him deceiving Mia is the conflict of the show, but the moment for me when I was like “Damn, Victor” was after he intentionally derailed Mia’s shebang-ing that she planned, he found the gall to lie to Benji and plan a seduction! That is why the season finale was so glorious. Because yes, while the world is unfair to Victor, he’s being unfair to the people around him.

I have made it a point not to read other people’s opinions extensively so as not to bias my own thoughts, but is Felix everybody else’s favorite? Felix’s character and arc was great. He was a supportive friend yet still felt like he had a story and stakes of his own, something which some TV shows get right (Sex Ed) and some TV shows get various shades of wrong (Jamie Johnson, Andi Mack). I like that he knew his worth and cut things off with Lake, and I like that she realized that her happiness with him should take priority over what others think of her.

I was soooo sympathetic to Mia. Her world is being turned upside down at home. Clearly, she has not even processed her mother being out of her life, and now her Dad is “replacing” her Mom while the baby is also “replacing” her! In Mia’s eyes, at least. Mia just needs to know that she is loved and appreciated. Which she *thought* of all people she’d be able to get from her boyfriend. Shucks.

As for the rest of Victor’s family, I also thought the parents’ storyline was pretty interesting yet unfortunate. Armando just can’t come around to trusting Isabel, which I actually kind of understand. Isabel, meanwhile, is being prevented from doing the thing she loves to do, which sucks especially because she’s in a radically new environment. Adrian is of course great, protect him at all costs. Pilar’s seemingly permanent mode of “angsty” is completely justified, as her friends back in TX are moving on just fine without her, she’s having trouble opening up and fitting in, and her family is WYLIN.

Some things that didn’t go so well for me was Andrew’s character, who feels like he’s just there to obstruct at any given moment. Y'all knew that when Victor and Benji were having that convo in the bathroom, someone was in the stall and someone was Andrew. Also, my guy, how are you not even somewhat aware that you are a total douchecanoe? I liked Benji, but Venji didn’t quite work for me because of all of the cheatation that it took to get there. Benji was pissed and ready to stay away from Victor permanently after the [attempted seduction], but once his relationship was over he was completely fine with putting his tongue down Mia’s boyfriend’s throat.

Overall, I really enjoyed this show. Some of these teen dramas I’m admittedly only watching for the LGBT content, so to have that be at the forefront of a show for once was amazing. The conflict was realistic if frustrating, and to me most of the characters seemed fully realized. Thankfully, the show didn’t even feel too “spin-offy” even with Nick Robinson being all over it.

In any given multi-season serialized show, the trajectory of the show goes one of two ways: the first season puts your feet on the ground of the series, and then later seasons go above and beyond with the storytelling (The Office, Breaking Bad, Bojack Horseman, Jamie Johnson) OR the first season is pretty great TV, and the following seasons fail to live up to its glory (The Good Place, Dear White People, really most every Netflix show ever). Which category Love, Victor ends up in is something to look forward to. Where do we go from here now that Victor is taking his first steps out of the closet?

Stray thoughts from the episodes:

The soundtrack on the whole, was not my cup of tea. I still liked a couple of songs, so that means somebody out there liked more of them.

I completely forgot Natasha Rothwell was in Love, Simon. More of her! More of Ali Wong! More of Beth Littleford! They were all great.

So Roger got his ass beat by Armando, and he still wants to get back with her?? Roger is reckless, man.

Speaking of reckless, Victor’s closet skills completely fell apart towards the end there. Assume somebody’s always watching!

Lake’s mother is a trip.

Good for the family for standing up to the grandparents.

Oh my god, Simon and Bram. Those guys are mine, and now they’re growing up and moving to the Big Gay City. They’ve come a long way.

Speaking of the Big Gay City, we were in Atlanta for a season and got *0* acknowledgement of the vibrant gay community there. More things to look forward to.

Was anybody else singing Selena along with Isabel? That is my favorite Selena song!

By rule of Felix being a male and Pilar being a female close in age, I immediately thought they were going to be a thing. The writers didn’t pull that thread too much...

That moment at the end there when we all thought Victor was going to hold off on his announcement only for him to go “fuck it” and say it anyways? And then he got to exhale? Perfect. chef’s kiss

What with June being Pride month, the SCOTUS ruling a couple of days ago, this entire show premiering today, and Delliot things going down in less than 24 hours, this will likely be the gayest week of the year. I suggest we all enjoy it.

Stay Peachy!

[empresstress13]

15-23 for Aoife, 34-40 for Ari!

Aoife  15 -What music genre would your character listen to? Oooooh! Aoife loves music! She can't play any instruments and only sings passably well, but she LOVES to listen to music! She's super impressed by anyone who can play or sing.  I think Aoife's taste would be a bit all over the board but some favorite genres are: folk, rock, folk rock, classical. . . probably some easy listening and alternative too! 16- What other fictional characters remind you of your character? hmm, So when I was trying to imagine young Aoife when I was first creating her, I was somewhat inspired by Aisling from The Secret of Kells, but the eventual character doesn't exactly have a lot of resemblance I don't think?   17- Does your character have any irrational fears? Hmmm. . . .so, I suppose her fears of being a bad person or friend are probably irrational in the sense that they are greatly exaggerated? She knows that she could always improve herself. . .but she feels that she always picks the wrong choice and doesn’t really trust her own judgement or intelligence but. . . eh. A lot of her fears are currently centered around either Barovia or the Blight and those are not irrational fears. Those fears do end up tangled with her concerns about her abilities and intelligence though. . . . she's scared that she won't be enough to protect her loved ones and that she'll let all of her friends and loved ones down. She's scared of the idea that she'll be abandoned because she's a failure but the idea of loosing them to death or in other ways because of her failures is even worse.  18- How would your character feel about having their life recorded? She'd be bewildered mostly - she’s not sure why her life would ever be recorded?  Though she’s also (increasingly) for there being clear and useful documentation about things.  19- What is your character’s deepest, darkest secret? Hmmm. . . . I think she'd be scared to talk to anyone about how much of a failure she feels like? That doesn't seem like a secret though exactly, she just doesn't want to burden anyone with what seems petty compared to all the other problems going on.  I think. . . she would be hesitant to tell her Mom and Da about a lot of what happened in Barovia, but also wouldn't hide it if asked directly.  When it comes to people she cares about she is rather uncomfortable actively hiding important things. It’s part of what makes her extremely uncomfortable hiding information from Kazimir.  20 -  What is the most surprising thing about your character? So. . . Aoife was originally supposed to be a very confident character. . . . I'm so sorry Aoife. ;A;  For several reasons she ended up having extreme issues with self-doubt and loathing. I did not mean for that to happen. 21 - Is your character flexible? Hmmm. . . . . I'm not sure, or more accurately I think it's one of those "it depends" things? There are things that she can be easily swayed by, and she can be easy going. . . .but certain topics and things she can be stupidly stubborn about to. 22 - What is the worst thing your character has ever done? Oof. . . . she'd have a long list of things she's upset with herself for. . . on the top of it is how she handled her fear over blighted Van Richten. She was scared and confused, and she made an evil choice. She's. . . . got a lot of feelings about that.  She's worried about a lot of the other choices she's made too.  23 - Is your character morally gray or black or white? This is the type of question that I could probably make several different answers for; Aoife has both a very simple set of morals, but it also leaves a lot up to context I feel? She also sees morality as …each choice you make and not just a blanket thing you are. You can choose to do better going forward, and likewise can become a shit person by making awful choices. She’s probably on the lighter grey side.  However, she currently feels like she is… .probably not a very good person. She’s very confused and doesn’t like who she is very much at the moment. She’s trying to be better and hopes that will all change soon.   Ari  34 - What is cliche about your character? That she's a wizard who is smart and interested in knowledge? XD Also probably some cliches in a former gang member trying to be better. . . well better-ish? She’s a pirate now soooo. . . .   35 - What is unique about your character? That she's a wizard with no formal education?  36 - Does anyone want to harm your character? Yes. . . most likely a number of people in the Grand Wharf were not happy about the manner of her leaving. . . Her former gang (who’s supervisor referred to as the “Water Rats” and the name stuck) was probably not pleased with her running off. . . In particular I think Serg, Lorcan, and the brothel owner/ gang supervisor would be ticked as fuck at Ari, but they’re not big enough fish in the Grand Wharf that Ari is particularly worried about it. At least they weren’t at the time.   37 - Do people have justified grudges against your character? Well. . . she did burn some bridges in the Grand Wharf. . . and while most of those people were also assholes, their grudges would be arguably justified. I think Serg would feel like Ari was “ungrateful” for all that the Water Rats did for her . . . .and they’d be pissed that she may have stolen a diamond from the brothel owner on the way out. . .   She also had a pretty nasty fight with her former best friend on her way out. . .  38 - What role does your character play in their story? I'm not sure that I understand this question? Within Ari's own personal story she's the protagonist, but in the story of the Scarlet Ibis as a whole she's a member of an ensemble cast.  39 - What would be your character’s niche on Tumblr? Probably a mix of aesthetic posts, fashion, knives, crystals, witchcraft, and academia? Ari is a bit of an eclectic hoarder, and her blog would  40 - What would be your character’s favorite school subject? I think she'd have trouble choosing one? It's really specific but Ari does really love calligraphy and handwriting - it's just not something she's had a lot of time to do anything with since childhood.  She's also very interested in languages and history - but again the lack of formal education has left her current levels of knowledge limited.   Thanks for the ask! ♥ Original Character Ask

[rachelthompsonauthor]

As a survivor, writer, and sexual abuse survivor activist, I participate in and observe real life and online daily conversations on the topic of sexual violence. Hmmm, the topic of sexual violence — like it’s just a topic, not crimes that affect people for the rest of our lives. That change the very structure of our cells, of our brains. Simply a topic of conversation.

Not a polite dinner conversation topic, of course. Yet, still a topic people bring up regularly, because you see, everyone is an expert (I call them the ‘Should Have Dones) on what a victim of a horrific sexual crime Should Have Done after she was brutally raped, sexually molested, abused, or harassed (unless you’re in the political arena and then it’s referred to as ‘sexual misconduct,’ that vague, gray area that cannot be defined, making it easy for politicians to talk in their circles and loopholes, as they are wont to do).

I refer to victims of sexual crimes (including myself) as survivors. Personal choice. We are, and have every right to refer to ourselves as, victims. Society loves to call us victims, in the negative sense of the word. That’s mistake number one so let’s start there.

Mistake #1: Victim Blaming Sexual Violence Survivors

‘Don’t be a victim,’ people spew at us. ‘Just get over it.’ ‘You just want the attention.’ Or my favorite (from a guy): ‘Why didn’t you just call 911? Seems easy enough.” (Well, I was only eleven at the time, and gosh well, 911 didn’t exist in 1975. Plus you know, the whole thing about how my abuser, the military dad next door, had a gun and had threatened to kill me and my baby sister if I told. So there’s that.)

Soooo easy.

One person on Twitter the other day said, ‘I’m not sure if I want to read your books. Are they an endless loop of hopeless reality, victim-mentality, woe-is-me? I prefer stories of go-getters!’

Funny thing is, I am a go-getter. I am ambitious. I’m pretty chill most days. I am also a victim of a serial child molester when I was eleven. Whether I ‘get over it,’ or talk about what happened and how I’ve dealt with it doesn’t change that he sexually abused me. I deal with that reality every day. It doesn’t define me — I don’t wear a label across my forehead, however, I don’t hide it anymore either. Shame no longer owns me.

If you look at the language people use, the focus is on the victim (I’m purposely using the word victim here so stay with me). Don’t be a victim. Get over it. Move on. As if we, the victims of crimes, have Done Something Wrong. As if discussing it means I’m still in victim-mode — which I’m not (because people do want to know); yet people assume that any victim of a sexual crime who discusses their harrowing real-life experience must be looking for attention because why else would we discuss something so private?

Here’s the bigger question: Why do you suppose people focus so much on the victim instead of the perpetrator? I’ve had years to observe this and here’s my completely non-scientific, non-random, non-controlled, non-trial, half-opinion, half-experience-based conclusion:

There’s more than one conclusion, depending on the person’s most treasured belief system. It’s uncomfortable. People don’t know what to say. They don’t want to get into the mind of an abuser, so to avoid that, they pick on the victim. They bully us. We’re accessible, easy targets. Defensive attacks are easier than compassion.

Victims are easy to blame because it’s harder and scarier to connect in any way with the mind of a criminal rapist or child molester — there might be something lurking there they don’t want to see — themselves.

There’s another school of thought (much more scientific):

“Our tendency to blame the victim is ultimately self-protective. It allows us to maintain our rosy worldview and reassure ourselves that nothing bad will happen to us. The problem is that it sacrifices another person’s well-being for our own. It overlooks the reality that perpetrators are to blame for acts of crime and violence, not victims.” (Source: Psychology Today)

I’d really love to see that paradigm shift. Instead of asking victims of sexual crime anything — because we the public are entitled to know nothing about the victim — let’s ask perpetrators why they perpetrate crimes against others. Is it anger? Is it hormonal? Is it societal? Is it mental? How can we fix this?

We know it’s not about sex. We know it’s about power and control. Examining power and patriarchal structures and how we break these down is a start. According to the latest studies, here’s what we do know about men who rape and sexually assault women:

Heavy drinking, perceived pressure to have sex,

a belief in “rape myths” — such as the idea that no means yes

A peer group that uses hostile language to describe women.

Men who are highly aroused by rape porn.

Narcissism magnifies odds that men will commit sexual assault and rape.

What about the idea that rape is about power over women? Some experts feel that research into hostile attitudes toward women supports this idea.

Rejection in high school and of looking on as “jocks and the football players got all the attractive women.”As these once-unpopular, often narcissistic men become more successful, [he] suspects that “getting back at these women, having power over them, seems to have become a source of arousal.” (Source: New York Times)

In the wake of the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings and the sexual assault revelation by Dr. Blasey Ford:

“This is what we will expect from the congressional committee:

She will likely be asked to detail every moment of the alleged attack. How much she had to drink. Why she went upstairs. What she was wearing.” (Source: Washington Post)

And she was. That’s exactly what happened.

People feel righteous and justified, as if her drinking or clothing gives Kavanaugh a pass for his (alleged) ‘misconduct.’

**Postscript: we all know the result of that entire situation.

How does what any woman/person wears or drinks justify someone else’s criminal behavior? It doesn’t. In any situation. It simply doesn’t.

Mistake #2: The Language We Use

As I mentioned above, in Western society we focus on the victim:

Mary is a battered woman.

Rachel is a CSA (childhood sexual abuse) survivor.

Joe was raped.

Where are the perpetrators (usually men) who did the abusing in these sentences?

(For the purpose of this discussion, I’ll use men as the perpetrator, though I acknowledge #NotAllMen are abusers so please, let’s not go down that road. It is a well-known and researched fact that men do the majority of abusing (please read the full linked report for more data*) — of women, children, and other men. My point here is not to bash men; simply provide an example. I’m not in any way condemning men exclusively and I acknowledge that women can be abusers too, so everyone breathe.)

*Sex of Perpetrator in Lifetime Reports of Sexual Violence:

Most perpetrators of all forms of sexual violence against women were male. For female rape victims, 98.1% reported only male perpetrators. Additionally, 92.5% of female victims of sexual violence other than rape reported only male perpetrators. For male victims, the sex of the perpetrator varied by the type of sexual violence experienced. The majority of male rape victims (93.3%) reported only male perpetrators. For three of the other forms of sexual violence, a majority of male victims reported only female perpetrators: being made to penetrate (79.2%), sexual coercion (83.6%), and unwanted sexual contact (53.1%). For non-contact unwanted sexual experiences, approximately half of male victims (49.0%) reported only male perpetrators and more than one-third (37.7%) reported only female perpetrators (data not shown).

**For an in-depth discussion on gender symmetry, look at the work of Sherry Hamby, Ph.D.

(“Violence against women, men, and children is a men’s issue, not a women’s issue” — it’s not even a gender issue, according to Jackson Katz. Watch his TEDTalk — an excellent summary of how gendered language is endemic in our society and how we view violence against women and others, perpetuated primarily by men.)

There’s also an assumption (never a good thing) that survivors, especially female survivors, are liars. We must somehow want attention. Women must have ulterior motives for reporting sexual crimes (which violate our civil rights).

Look at the language people use when describing the multitudes of women who accused Bill Cosby in a criminal trial — they must want money or fame — misunderstanding there’s no money or fame to be had, as many of them remained anonymous, he was only convicted for the crimes against one woman, and a criminal trial does not award money.

This is especially true if the victim was drinking or drugged (more on that below). As Jim Hopper mentions in his work, our brains are flooded with chemicals during any kind of intense, traumatic situation, in particular during a sexual assault:

This part of our brain is responsible for executive functions, including focusing attention where we choose, rational thought process and inhibiting impulses. You are using your prefrontal cortex to read this article and absorb what we’ve written, rather than getting distracted by other thoughts in your head or things going on around you. But in states of high stress, fear or terror like combat and sexual assault, the prefrontal cortex is impaired–sometimes even effectively shut down–by a surge of stress chemicals. (Source: Lisak & Hopper, TIME Ideas, 2014)

Mistake #3: Expecting/Demanding a Hero Story

Like the reader above who expected my book to be about a woman who pulls herself up by the bootstraps and conquers the world, we are conditioned, particularly here in the West, to expect and might I even say demand, a mythic hero’s journey. From sitcoms to TV movies to series to Marvel and DC Universe to epics to The Olympics every two years — we are spoonfed heroes journeys at every turn.

Look at Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter — classic if clichéd examples of The Hero’s Journey (with male protagonists and male best friend side-kicks…plus the the oh-so-important scrappy, brilliant yet with not enough screen time female secondary character, who was never completely fleshed out as well as the guys and oh, always became prettier as the series wore on. Think Hermione — whom I love, yet still.). We do love a flawed underdog who grows to a champion!, finds the strength within themselves despite difficult circumstances, defeats the bad guy (ta-da!), and ultimately gets the girl…and, of course, yes, and they lived happily ever after.

Survivors of sexual violence are my heroes. We get up and live each and every day despite living with some combo of anxiety, depression, flashbacks, dissociation, nightmares, insomnia, triggers, hypersensitivity, hypervigilance, migraines, any number of immune disorders, addiction, and all kinds of other shit we are at higher risk for solely because we were a victim of sexual violence at some point in our lives.

PTSD is common in anywhere from one-third to one-half of sexual abuse survivors six months after the attack(s). 94% experience symptoms within the first 24 hours.

If and when we choose to share our survivor experience, we don’t owe anyone a hero story.

Life is hard enough as it is. Navigating it as a survivor adds other layers ‘normals’ cannot possibly imagine. Your expectation that we must live our lives according to your heroic expectations is not our issue.

And if I (or other victims) are still in victim mode — so what? Some victims are so traumatized by the crimes against them, the effects are devastating:

some repeatedly attempt to kill themselves — and often succeed,

become addicted to drugs/alcohol (did you know 75% of addicts and 90% of alcoholics were sexually abused as children? Source: The Right Step),

develop mental health issues (personality disorders, OCD, anxiety, depression, body dysphoria,

have lifelong weight issues

are at higher risk of immune disorders

can retreat to another mental universe completely (e.g., DID or other personality disorders).

If struggling to get through each day is the best we can do — so what?? Who is anyone to judge us?

Mistake #4: The Perfect Victim Myth

People blame victims for not being perfect. If she wore that red dress, if she was drinking, if she didn’t fight back, if she met the guy and they had sex (how dare a woman want sex #gasp), if she was out late walking, if she was asleep in her own bed in a nightie or even naked in her own home! If, if, if.

When you first hear about a crime, it’s our natural curiosity to want to find out more. “What happened? Who was involved, what were the circumstances, is everyone okay?”

However, in a sexual violence situation, many people immediately ask, “What was she wearing? Was she drunk? Was she alone?” This is our go-to. Because it’s somehow her fault for being imperfect. She’s to blame for putting herself in the position to be victimized (and yes, I’m using this passive language on purpose).

Again, with the victim-blaming. Yet the perfect victim expectation goes far beyond that. We’ve all watched enough Hollywood tropes to have been brainwashed into thinking that victims should be thin, virginal, pretty, helpless creatures who are perfect in every way (good), OR they are vampy vixens dressed in leather whom we know have it coming because they ooze sex (bad).

In reality, women are not caricatures (surprise!) and are sexually violated at all stages of life and in all stages of clothing.

Cases have been dismissed entirely because the victim didn’t cry sufficiently or wasn’t hysterical enough (if you recall, PTSD used to be referred to as ‘shellshock’ for a reason). Our brains can react in a multitude of ways during and after sexual assault — see Jim Hopper’s comprehensive work to get the neuroscientific background in understandable terms. As Jim points out, investigators have to learn how to talk to victims differently based on the latest scientific studies on how the brain reacts to intense trauma.

Memory gaps are common — why? Because of the pre-frontal cortex impairment mentioned above. Details can be hazy and remain hazy. The best scientists in the world don’t know exactly why, yet lawyers, judges, and juries demand definitive proof a victim isn’t lying (and even with proof, rape kits are collecting dust. Again, whole other post).

No. Let’s discuss it. If there’s DNA present, the victim can undergo the process of having a rape kit done (commonly referred to as a SAK: Sexual Assault Kit). After being raped or sexually assaulted, a victim must again open themselves up to strangers to be intimately examined.

Then there’s this fact: Most kits are never tested unless there’s a criminal investigation. Go ahead, read that again.

Are all SAKs tested?

No. While there are a few cities and states that automatically test all sexual assault kits, in general, SAKs are not tested unless specifically requested by a law enforcement agency for a criminal investigation. There are a variety of reasons that a kit might not be tested including:

A decision by law enforcement due to a variety of reasons — such as not prioritizing sexual assault cases or a perceived lack of victim credibility or cooperation — not to further investigate the case.

A decision by law enforcement that the results of the kit would not be significant to the investigation. This occurs most often when the suspect does not deny physical contact but instead claims the contact was consensual.

Backlogged crime labs. Due to resource issues, some crime labs may take up to a year or longer to test a SAK.

Lack of funding for DNA analysis. Some law enforcement jurisdictions, including crime laboratories, are underfunded and may be unable to test every SAK. (Source: National Center for Victims of Crime)

Dissociation (aka, spacing out or acting differently) is common after an assault, sometimes for years — even decades (something I still experience now, forty-plus years after my abuse as a child).

I experienced dissociation each time my abuser molested me (not realizing that watching myself as he abused me was not abnormal). I dissociated frequently throughout high school and college — it was normal for me to watch myself from above. Now that I know what that feeling is (something I can do on command), I’m much more aware. Sometimes, though, it happens and I don’t realize it at all. My family knows, though. My guy says he can see me ‘going under.’

You may also find this PTSD visual helpful (Souce: Daily Cardinal) and read more on PTSD here.

As for whether a woman decides to drink, do drugs, wear whatever she wants, meet a guy for sex — she is allowed to do all those things and still does not deserve to be raped. No man deserves to be raped. No child deserves it. No LGBTQ-identifying person. No human.

A person is raped because someone raped them.

By accusing a survivor who is brave enough to come forward for not fitting into the perfect victim myth you’ve come to expect, or accusing them of lying, it’s as if we are all having the wrong argument. What we have here is a faulty car engine (the brain, which in truth isn’t faulty at all), yet you’re accusing, discrediting, and blaming the driver.

When in actuality, the one causing the entire mess is the guy who ran the car off the road.

Allegedly.

Mistake #5: Sexual Violence is Political

Social media is rife with conspiracy theories about the Ford/Kavanaugh situation — which I won’t dignify by going into here on this post. The #MeToo movement, which has brought forward incredible, heartbreaking, brave voices sharing horrific stories of sexual violence, is now being attacked as men vs. women, as right-wing vs those ‘heathen, liberal left’ (never mind the number of priests, GOP’ers identified as child molesters and rapists, Fox News?). Some of the people involved in spreading and believing these stories are tin-foil hat ridiculous.

Geez. See how easy even I lowered myself into the mud? It’s an ugly look, isn’t it? Mud-slinging makes dirty people. Dirty people spread more dirt.

Add to that the conspiracy theorists, fake news, fake accounts, Russian whatevers, bots, and fundamentalists on all sides…we might as well be rolling with the pigs…or is it dogs or fleas? Besides, shouldn’t you be writing instead of arguing politics on social media?)

Which is why I refuse to discuss politics and sexual violence together in the same tweet or post.* I won’t argue with anyone about sexual violence and politics. They are completely separate because my focus is and always will be on the survivor. And if you work with The Joyful Heart Foundation as I do or RAINN (also wonderful), you’ll see they are not political, either (except to help get funding for rape kit testing or more services for survivors).

Advocating is about helping others. Politicizing sexual violence negatively, to further some politician’s career, doesn’t help anyone.

(*If there’s a bill, contributions needed, or volunteering to help or fund services for survivors — then I’m all in to help out survivors).

Making what a survivor goes through, after any kind of assault, fit into some political party ideology is ludicrous to me.

Compassion and kindness are my ideology.

Mistake #6: Assuming All Victims of Sexual Violence Are Liars

One more, on the house.

As I already mentioned above, the other part of politicizing sexual violence is the assumption that all sexual violence survivors are liars (ONLY if the survivor is hurting your candidate). Why do you suppose this is? Because diehard party-line believers and supporters cannot afford to question their own familiar belief system (this topic brings in fallacies, which you can read more about here). Whole other post.

“Why didn’t she report? She had plenty of time!” Such an easy question to ask. So simple. As easy as asking a domestic violence survivor why she didn’t just leave, right? Surely, violent, criminal situations can be explained away with a tweet. I hope this sounds as ridiculous to you as it does to me, yet that’s what people demand from survivors, particularly women.

I’ve shared above how parts of the brain shut off during trauma. If the victim chooses to come forward immediately, investigators must be trained to question survivors appropriately, keeping this in mind. The victim may not answer in a way politicians or the public would ‘expect’ a perfect victim to answer — yet the knowledge of how the brain responds to trauma is not widely known or understood.

The general public is a different story altogether. Zero comprehension of the brain on trauma. Therefore, we see these brutal social media attacks ensue due to unsatisfactory answers to questions the public has no right to ask.

Shame is another reason. It can take decades for a survivor to speak publicly about their sexual trauma (if they ever do at all). It took me three and a half decades to write Broken Pieces and then Broken Places (Broken People will be available soon-ish).

Fear of retaliation (and considering 90% of sexual violence is perpetrated by someone we know, this is an incredibly valid fear). More specifics from RAINN:

Of the sexual violence crimes not reported to police from 2005–2010, the victim gave the following reasons for not reporting:

20% feared retaliation

13% believed the police would not do anything to help

13% believed it was a personal matter

8% reported to a different official

8% believed it was not important enough to report

7% did not want to get the perpetrator in trouble

2% believed the police could not do anything to help

30% gave another reason or did not cite one reason

Read more statistics about perpetrators of sexual violence.

I won’t go into the details of my own sexual abuse here, but I will share this: as someone who did report (eventually) and testified in two trials at the age of twelve (civil and military), I can tell you it was one of the most terrifying, humiliating, and shameful experiences I’ve ever had, facing the man who abused me, having to explain what he did to me while others scrutinized every excruciating, embarrassing detail for further questioning and cross-examination.

Sure, I was young. Younger than both my kids are now. Too young to know the words I was about to speak.

For the record, he got eighteen months.

  Do you need help right now? Contact RAINN 800.656.HOPE (4673). Here are 67 resources for sexual assault survivors via Greatist.

  This post originally appeared on Medium.

  Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available now on Amazon.

  The post 5 Mistakes People Make When Discussing Sexual Violence appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

via Rachel Thompson

[legendofgrump]

Quick question, out of all of your amazing oc’s-which one are you most fond of?

oh goodness gracious! first of all, you filthy flatterer!! especially since I haven’t posted OC content on this blog in a very long time (shameless plug to my OC blog for anyone that wants it: here) but also that is such an interesting question! I think I’m gonna have to cheat and split this question into categories because I don’t know if I could pick a number one OC out of everything!!

Soooo design wise (i.e. physical appearance) I really really love both Cici and Cookie (furry alert lol) because I adore how simple they are, but they’re very expressive, in my opinion? like you really get an idea of what those characters are like by their physical appearance (probably moreso Cookie than Cici, but I still like both of them!!)

Personality wise I find Megan very compelling because I think she’s got a lot of depth to her. (God this just sounds like I’m gloating about my OCs haha, sorry about that). I feel like she seems to be one of the most realistic of my OCs, in the way that she reacts to things and has motivations and whatnot, and that she’s not flat in that she’s INCREDIBLY predictable in how she’ll react to something because she has more than one motive when making decisions.

Backstory wise I love love love Adara. I think they have a very compelling backstory that isn’t the type of “oh this person has a tragic backstory that just so happened to fall into their lap” because Adara MADE a lot of the guilt that they feel and directly influenced their current state because of their past actions and they now have to live and operate with that. I feel like they’ve got a lot of story potential, personally.

And exploration wise, as in the character I have the most fun thinking about and exploring because I think they have a lot of potential for any and all of the above of those things, this may come as a surprise but I actually really like Maxim and Ellie. They’re both antagonists, yes, but I think they have a lot of potential to be interesting characters. Not necessarily the kind of people you root for, but the kind of people that you can’t wait to see what they do next because they’re compelling and just fascinating? Like I’m really interested in the concept of the irredeemable villain, especially alongside the sort of morally gray manipulation victim? This one might require a little extra explanation hold on haha

I find Maxim really interesting because he’s SO easy to hate and he’s SO amazingly vile that you can literally do ANYTHING you want with him without having to be worried about morals. I can explore as deep into the human cesspool of the worst people and pull inspiration from that. But in addition to that I get to consider the motives. Because even though Maxim is a huge asshole, he doesn’t really do it all for just plain fun. Sure, he finds joy out of it because he’s a sadist, but he’s the embodiment of the worst of anxiety and he lives off of the feelings that people emit when they’re anxious. So triggering anxiety in other people isn’t just something that he does for no reason he needs to. And even though you understand the motive, you can still Hate him. Especially since Lorna works in a similar way (but with depression), but she uses her ability to help reduce people’s feelings of depression rather than increase them.

And then Ellie I find fascinating because she’s a very morally....hmm word choice....I think “selfish” is the best word. She’s a morally selfish person. She cares about herself and really not anyone else. Despite being an empath she actually lacks a lot of empathy when it comes to thinking through the consequences to her actions. She uses other people for her own personal gain, but she doesn’t think about the fact that she’s doing that. She doesn’t think past “this is what I want so I’m going to do that” to get to the point of “how is this going to affect the other person involved.” Which is kind of why she stays involved with Maxim for so long. She’s under the impression that she’s getting the best end of the deal. Maxim occasionally validates her and she finds that to be worth it, but she doesn’t think about the fact that Maxim is getting something out of using her. And I just find it compelling because she’s a more morally gray person that you can feel more justified in feeling sorry for even though she does horrible things, and the concept of making someone likable and redeemable despite being objectively Bad.

Uh anyway sentimentality wise I really like Snail haha. And other than that I think I’ve rambled quite enough oh gosh. This was a really interesting question, thank you for sending it! If you have any more I obviously love to talk about this kind of thing so feel free to send them~

[ohnohetaliasues]

Zila Umbra (Fairy Tail)

 (Kat)

I'm not sure if I've reviewed this before, but I don't think I have. Let's begin.

I was asked to delete the art by the artist, so I have. It was very well done, though.

i haven’t written her complete background yet but i have it written in my minD

This is off to a rocky start...

I’m curious about the issue with putting the ideas down on the profile, but I’m not here to nitpick.

Hello, yes, this is my blog, where I nitpick things. Enjoy your stay!

sOOSOoo her name is Zila Umbra and shes a lil bae and im still kinda n the process of designing her character so yee

Don't describe your OC as a 'bae' or I will kill you violently.

Also, 'bae' means 'poop' in Danish...

ok so when she was younger she found out that she could talk to the dead,

Okay, no. We haven't seen any ghosts in Fairy Tail other than Mavis, but she's only there because of her residual magic and the guild seal that acts as an extension. This is not Supernatural, contrary to the gif I just used.

and it completely paranoid her and her parents.

That's kind of mild....?

Just paranoid?

Her parents where completely religion based and basically thought she was the spawn of satan or something

The only church I can think of in Fairy Tail is the Church of Zentopia, and that was a filler arc. So please explain why her parents are Fairy Tail puritans.

and sent her off to a mental hospital that completely isolated her from others besides her ghosts

And they didn't just say 'Oh, that's your magic'? No, they just jumped to "SATAN!"

and thats really not something a little girl should have to deal with sOOOO she made friends with one specific ghost who actually turned out to be her mentor in magic.

That's... convenient.

She taught her that the reason she hears all the ghosts and voices is because of the eye she was born with is basically the sorce of most her magical energy so she started covering it up and her everlasting headache went away.

...No. Just no. That is not a thing. WHEN DID THE HEADACHE THING COME IN? Body parts are never magic in Fairy Tail, other than Erza's artificial eye. 

She was also taught that if she wore sage it would ward off bad spirits, so she put some sage in a small vile and put that on necklace and put the necklace around her neck and she wears it to this day uwu.

THIS IS NOT SUPERNATURAL.

she still could talk to ghosts and stuff though.

Oh yes, all benefits and no cons. She can still use her magic usually even though she covered up her eye?

Her mentor ( her name is darcy) taught her all the basics of magic and such as she lived in her little cell.

This is too dark for Fairy Tail.

Darcy though specialized in shadow magic, so she passed it on to zila (along with some knowlege on spells that let you use ghosts as your allies and stuff).

This is not okay. 

once zila had been taught all she could darcy taught her how escape and about a guild called fairy tail she could go to for help

Why wasn't she like 'Go to a soup kitchen' or a homeless shelter, but nooo, let's go to a MAGIC GUILD.

Also, Darcy is a ghost. Of course she's an expert at escaping. She can WALK THROUGH WALLS.

Zila made it out succsesfully after 3 years of being isolated ( and thus began her fear of being alone uwu)

i don't think she'd be able to function properly in society after being isolated for three freaking years.

once she made it to the guild she was let in and made friends quickly ( which really suprised her because she haddnt interacted with real people in like forever eheh)

Like I said, she wouldn't be able to function properly. She'd be quiet and reserved.

This is so improbable I CANNOT EVEN.

out of the children in the group

She is a CHILD WHO WAS IN ASYLUM FOR THREE YEARS WITH NOBODY BUT GHOSTS. ERZA WAS TRAUMATIZED WHEN SHE JOINED THE GUILD AFTER THE TOWER OF HEAVEN DEBACLE. SHE HAD TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS. SHE TOOK A VERY LONG TIME TO ADJUST. THAT'S JUST BEING HUMAN. THIS GIRL IS DEFYING LOGIC. BEING ALONE FOR SO LONG WOULD HAVE A SUBSTANTIAL IMPACT ON HER PSYCHE. 

and was usually the peace maker between gray and natsu bUT ITS ONLY BECUASE SHE LOVES THem,

She literally just stole Erza's job.

once erza came she was always trying to talk to her and make sure she wasnt sad because she felt sorry for her and knew that if she was going to be alone that it would be sad

It feels like this OC is ripping of Erza's struggle. 

anddddddd yeAH THATS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY BUT THEYRE BASICALLY BEST BUDS KINDA ANd they go on jobs together a lot ( like i imagine her being with erza when they came into the story line )

If she's S Class, I will scream.

shes such a little sweatheart too.

I am suffering.

Vehemently. 

She hums when she fights easy battles 

That... makes her sound insane. Nobody does that in Fairy Tail.

and will only cry if someone tells her its okay  

That is not good for your mental health.

Personality wise shes veRY VERY VERY VERY LOYAL AND PROTECTIVE OF HER FRIENDS

Oh gee, I didn't see this cliché coming.

LIke if she let a friend get hurt when she couldve prevented it she would be so dispointed.

Of freaking course.

Like every OC ever.

She DOSENT like seeing a people she cares about in pain

Nobody does, sweetheart.

so she’ll do her best to prevent it like rub natsus back while they’re on a train or in a car or somethin u kno.

Not even Lucy does that. Nobody wants him to puke on them. 

Shes pretty caring and forgiving unless you break a promise or betray the guild or somethin, but shes not overly forgiving of people who used to be bad and are now good unless shes had time to understand them and stuff idk. ALSO PLS DONT TrY TO HURT JUST HER FRIENDS IN FRONT OF HER BECAUSE SHES GOING TO tRY AND KILL U NO MERCy.

Wow, I so haven't seen that before in my three years of reviewing OCs.

ALSO she’ll straight up be like “I love you” if she loves you bUT JUST AS A FRIEND OK if she loves u romantically shes gonna hide it a bunch or iF SHE FInds out that you like her shes gonna blush all the time around you

Please no.

You know, for someone who was stuck in an asylum, alone, for three years, she sure acts like a normal teenage girl.

and just omg i love her.

You don't put that on an OCs profile.

You just don't.

She’s also pretty comfortable around people she knows so like if she’s on a train or somethin she will use grays shoulder as a pillow because iTS COLD AND SHES TIRED AND NOBODY CARES BECause it’s her and it’s completely normal for her.

Juvia would mind. Juvia would mind a lot. And so would Gray, to be honest. 

OveRALL SHES NICE AND FRIENDly and shes a pretty strong fighter and stuff and shes calm and optimistic and encouraging even though when shes fighting shes scaRY

There are no flaws anywhere.

a babe ok shes just a babe 

The more you say that, the more I want to kill her.

negative characteristic wise shes really paranoid still due to all the ghosts and shit,

Wouldn't she be used to that? Also, can't she keep away the bad ghosts?

SHE HAS THAT BIG FEAR OF BEING ALONE LIke she will stay by whoever shes with and usually they make sure they stay by her too because they kNOW SHES SCARED AS FRICK OF BEING ALONe.

The creator is trying to make a flaw. But these will not effect the OC in critical moments. 

but if shes confined in a place and has no idea if people are near her or not shes rEALLY SCARED EVEN THOUGH SHES A TOUGH MOMMA SHES SCAREd.

You are running in circles here. What is her weakness? The situation you provided would scare anyone! 

shes forgetfull but wont ever forget things really important eheh,

Yay, another weakness that isn't a weakness. 

I do this all the time. Many people do. You aren't a special snowflake.

she can get really anxious and worried for others, and when you upset her in a fight she might get upset and start being reckless but yOU REALLY GOTTA TUG ON THOSE HEART STRINGS (unless ur like ’ ima kill ur bud’ then its really easy for her to go cray on you, but usually

Okay, no. That is literally Natsu. This person is ripping other characters off.

Also, that was a run on sentence. It stars at "She's forgetful" and ends at "when that happens uwu." USE PUNCTUATION.

if the person being threatened is with her they’ll calm her down and she’ll be able to fight in a less reckless way), but once you do she goes a little insane and is more powerfull but gets hurt eaiser and dosent even care just as long as she fucks the other person up aND SHELL TELL EM TOO idk shes really violent/crazy/scary/blood-thirsty when that happens uwu.

What happened to "She's such a lovable sweetheart?"

Shes super ’ no mercy’ in fights too, mainly because thats what darcy taught her,

Was Darcy evil? Because in Fairy Tail, mercy is a virtue. Lucy would hate her if she showed no mercy. Even Natsu shows mercy, though he goes kind of ballistic if someone threatens his friends (especially Lucy). How did she get in if she shows no mercy? How did she even make friends?

and because she has no trust in the enemy to not hurt her after shes won. 

That doesn't justify that.

She has a bad sense of humor too ok shes a cutie

OH YES, SHE'S STILL A CUTIE.

Zila also has a little ghost friend named Boo ( it’s cliche but idec) who wears a bow with a spell that let’s other people see her on it.

Is Boo more powerful than Mavis now? Because Mavis's residual energy let the members of the guild with a mark see her, but that was the only reason. Nobody else could. But apparently, Boo is so powerful everyone can see her. 

Boo would have to be god-like in terms of power.

I call nonsense on that.

Boo is only with Zila when theyre ina care-free environment but Boo can’t talk and can only use facial expressions. Boo is bae too

If you call something 'bae' one more time, I am going to lose it.

Also, what sense does that make?

None.

(also heres what her eyes look like without her eye patch uwu)

That is such a generic thing to do with an OC.

Literally, just no.

Overall, this OC was terrible. She had no flaws, no weaknesses, and her ghost friend had god-like powers. I cannot even. I'll see you guys later.

~Kat

[tinyreverie]

Implementing Minimalism!

I have done so much since the last post!! My new thing is decluttering. I am trying to downsize by 80-90%, which is actually a TON of work. Going through and trashing everything /sounds/ easy, but it's actually really physically exhausting. I think I'm finally building up my back muscles though! 💪 So... a list of things I am working on/ have done: 1. I finally read the book about the "konmari method" of decluttering and found it pretty inspiring! I've actually pretty much followed those rules without meaning to (no wonder people kept recommending that book to me!), but in the past, I'd just chuck things if I didn't use them, joy-bringing or not, which made me sad until I forgot about it. Now, it's about bringing joy into my life in everything I own. For example, I found a vintage muffin pan at a used bookstore today. Looking at it just makes me smile!Now, I'm free to get rid of my nasty old ones and the bad memories of the giver with them. :) 2. I am working on minimizing my spice collection. I already downsized, but holy Jesus I do not need to have a basket overflowing with spices. I cook for TWO-- really, ONE now with Damion off trucking, not 12. I was having trouble picking the ones I would keep, so I picked an arbitrary number of spices I would allow myself. So, I picked 10, not including salt/pepper. Then, I asked Damion to choose the 10... because I got all, "ohhh!! Curry!! I love Indian food!! Remember that one time I had... " etc, so I was just unable to make a rational decision. He picked: *garlic salt *lemon pepper *parsley *basil *oregano *nutmeg *paprika *cinnamon *cloves *ginger I felt that this list was pretty comprehensive, so I went out and bought little magnetic tins for those suckers ($3 a piece!!) so that in the tiny house I can stick them on a strip or the fridge. For now, they will live in the junk drawer (once I eliminate it:)). 3. I started a secret garden:3 but, what's new about my gardening philosophy is that I'm only growing the stuff I'll actually use (other than my flowers:>). Most of my space is in part shade, so I'm mostly doing herbs: basil, parsley... Basically, my goal is to get everything on the herb list above growing! I also got mint and chamomile cause I love those teas. 😍 I did run into a problem here though: while in the herb section, I found rosemary and cilantro. :/ I started remembering how delicious they are, and how we do use them frequently. Then, I saw lavender, which is my herb weakness. It just smells soooo good, and the flowers are so pretty! I don't use it though, which makes it a "clutter" purchase... and that freaked me out so bad, I put back my rosemary and cilantro too and left that area immediately! They are mentally "on hold" until I have decided what to do. I know I probably won't get the lavender (until I can find a legit reason to justify it), but idk if I'll add the two useful herbs to my 10 (making 12 total) or if I'll cut off paprika and some other spice. But, chiliiiii!! And, damion didn't even list chilli pepper already! I really suck at minimizing spices, obviously. The $3/ magnetic spice tin cost does help motivate me a little, though. :) 4. I have started downsizing, so my house is easier to clean. Above all, I am a lazy person. Less dishes = less doing dishes, so I tossed them all and am now using two each of my inheritance plates, bowls and serving bowls (also used as mixing bowls). I think of my wonderful grandma, RIP, each time I see them now, and so eating gives me the feels 💖 I think about her almost every day now and it makes me happy. :> I downgraded Damion's and my clothing (Damion participated via Skype). I already had downsized into about... 3/4 large drawers with no hanging items, but they were crammed in. I thought I was done, but then I had a thought: "Katrina. You are lazy. It's going to suck when you inevitably put off your laundry and have to do it all at once!" ... So, I posted a question in the minimalist group I'm a part of and decided on 3/4 loads of laundry total. That's the most laundry in a row I am willing to do, including sheets and pillowcases, towels and washcloths. So, I got rid of everything else. :> I went through my clothes konmari style and eliminated, motivated by easier cleaning. Dammit, I want to be the type of person who washes their sheets every week! So, I got rid of stuff, separating it into selling (via consignment), donate and trash piles. I downsized to a roughly 2 week supply of stuff. Together, including linens, I only have 3.5 loads of laundry:D! Perfect for lazy Katrina, especially with my mother in law's awesome fancy big wash machine;) I now have: Linens: *8 washcloths, for face washing and exfoliation. *1 microfiber cloth, in danger of being tossed, because I HATE the texture of microfiber but appreciate its usefulness *3 towels: 1 hugeeee, and the two softest towels *1 set of fitted/flat sheets, because I won't wash them if I have more than one. *8 pillowcases: 4 normal, gray everyday pillowcases and 2 normal blue ones, for if I had a guest, idk. Plus 2 purty ones. What can I say? They bring me joy. Typing this though, maybe I should downsize more though, 8 is a bit excessive for 2 people with 4 pillows 😂 Clothing: I'll have to post about later, because my method is so involved. But, basically, everything I have matches everything else. It's all color theory and flattering fits. I plan to have excessive amounts of undies, though, because I like to change them a lot :> But, I'm only keeping 4 bras. 1 t-shirt bra, 1 convertible fancy schmancy bra, 1 sessy sessy bra ;D and 1 sports bra comfy bra thing. I love bras, but I always default to two or three anyway. My "color scheme" thing for my undies (ONLY undies, my outside clothes have a much more defined pallet) is that my bras are pretty plain/neutral, but I can get whatever panties in whatever color I want. :3 So, I am still free to indulge my love of undies and still have order :3 Last thing on implementing minimalism: I am in progress of minimizing my cleaning supply collection. I realllllly want to be earth friendly, but my cleaning stuff does not reflect that. It's all super harsh chemicals, because in the past, I was messy. I AM messy, but now my house is halfway optimized for cleaning, so it's a LOT easier for messy Katrina to keep my (her? Lol) house not clean, but within-30-minutes-of-non-rushed-cleaning clean. :D Anyways, before I had to have the harsh stuff because when I cleaned, I REALLY felt that bleach/ harsh chemicals were necessary in order to make up for the month and a half of no cleaning (wish I were joking 😂). Now that my house is easier to clean, I don't need those crazy chemicals. Except bleach, because after all, I do own chickens. I'm looking into doing my own cleaning supplies mostly: nothing crazy or complicated (I still have to cater toward lazy Katrina), but just things like vinegar, hydrogen peroxide, baking soda... etc. I still have to come up with eco friendly replacements for two things though: disinfectant wipes and the toilet wand... thingy. For the disinfectant wipes, I know that I could make my own, but it does make more laundry, and more laundry lowers the success rate of keeping my house clean. Plus, how would I keep the rags secured in sanitizing fluid without it disintegrating the rags? Or does a regular, non-bleach formula not do that? No idea. Also, I'll need to figure out how many wipes I need for a two week period, which will be tough, because I don't clean every day consistently. The toilet wand solution is harder for me though, so input would be much appreciated. I CANNOT stand the normal toilet scrubber thingies. They just don't seem sanitary, even if you keep them in cleaning liquid. Plus, they just inspire me to use copious, embarrassing amounts of straight bleach in order to sanitize, which defeats the eco friendly purpose anyway. Anyway, I discovered those toilet wands about a year ago and I haven't gone back! The wands detach from the scrubby pad, and you toss the scrubby in the trash can (because the flushable wipes suck for hard cleaning), and that's IT. You keep the nice, clean wand and get another the next time. These are also really convenient (new xD) for scrubbing my bath tub, I have discovered recently. No ridiculous hand scrubber and bleach everywhere, just this presoaked scrubber that gets everything up. It doesn't even have a chance to hurt my back, it's so fast!! Obviously, though, this is hugely irresponsible for the earth, even if they are disgusting. :( I have come up with an idea to somehow get a reusable sponge attached to the end of one of those sticks, and dropping them immediately in some dirty cleaning items container (cause they would have to be separate from clothing/linens, other than possibly disinfectant wipes) so that they could later be sanitized. But, that sounds like a lot of work, and I already hate sponges. I threw mine away in favor of those ikea scrubbing brushes :> anyway, the only way I can think to impliment this idea is to use the scrubbing bubbles version of the wand (I have both already), which has a tong-like opening for its pads. But, I don't really care for that wand. The clorox one if much more ergonomic and very sturdy, which is critical for seldom-cleaning Katrina. Also, if I'm going to have to sanitize them anyway, doesn't that defeat the whole "earth friendly" purpose? Or, could I boil them, or would that ruin the material of both the disinfectant rags / scrubbers? And, the biggest question: would I actually do it? So, yeah, basically, I need a separable toilet cleaning brush, with an ergonomic handle and a sturdy brush-to-wand attachment, with a viable, super easy way of sanitizing the brush/scrubby bit, preferably something that could be done with the disinfectant wipes too at the same time. Is that too much to ask? XD I really would love to hear suggestions though. Anyway, that's basically where I'm at right now in minimizing. I'll leave you with something a Minimalism group member said to me, to address my regrets at filling the landfills with my unused junk: either way, the earth suffers. Keeping items you don't want/need in your house doesn't save them. The only solution is being mindful about what you buy and what you support to begin with. 🌎🌳💚 This quote has helped me tremendously, as I was pretty much unknowingly using my earth-friendly side to justify holding onto items that really needed to move on. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, thank you and good night! 😘

[shimmerjjang]

Cathy Doll AA Matte Powder Cushion (Oil Control) Review

OMG.

First blog post for 2017 and it’s what? Mid-January? Shame shame. I honestly have a lot of excuses for this but I won’t go through them all just to justify myself. lol Anyway, hey hey I’m back ya’ll! :)

I’ll start of January with something Pink - my favorite color! Ever since these cushion foundations hit the market, I’ve been trying every single brand I can think of! I swear by cushion foundations for it truly gives me the flawless coverage I want for my acne-scarred skin; plus all that with a healthy moisture sheen finish - like that celebrity Koreana dibaaa! (More about Korean Cushions here)

So a few months back, I got invited to Cathy Doll’s AA series press launch to know more about their new face products. One that really got my attention is their AA Matte Powder Cushion Foundation. It's something quite different from the usual Korean cushions that offer a dewy finish. This one from Cathy Doll claims to give a powder matte finish while providing superior oil control. Hmm, interesting!

PACKAGING: 

UGH. Everything that comes in pink packaging gets an instant slot in my heart! I believe my blog theme and Instagram feed gave you that impression already.

It comes in this really cute hot pink and pastel blue cushion pact. The pact itself isn’t something extraordinary; just the typical round cushion case. What I like about it is that it’s quite sturdy (dropped it a few times already, not on purpose I promise) and it isn’t bulky. Does not take so much space in my makeup bag. 

Cushion’s sealed! I think it’s some kind of protection/hygiene/proof-it’s-new seal, but other than that, I feel like I must note this one observation right here. I’ve been using cushions since 2013 and my addiction to them led me to notice one thing they have in common. They dry pretty fast compared to those liquid foundations that come in tubes or bottles! Once you take the seal off, make sure you use the cushion in 2 to 3 months or else it’ll dry up. Regardless of closing the lid properly, the cushion foam seems to create a reaction that dries the foundation up. I’m not sure if this is just me but with all my 50+ cushions, I’m pretty sure something’s up. Now I make sure to only take the seal off the cushion I feel like I can use before opening the next one. 

PRICE: 849php (See Cathy Doll Branches here)

SWATCH:

During the press launch, we were able to test all the shades available to find our match. I’ve noticed that Natural Beige was too gray for me while Sand Beige was too dark.. #21 Light Beige seems to be the best match for my skin tone.

Cathy Doll’s AA Cushion is also available in #23 Natural Beige and #25 Sand Beige.

I have to say that this cushion has a generous amount of product. I was actually a bit taken aback when I pressed the Ruby Cell cushion puff on it! It dispensed soooo much foundation I can cover 3 faces with it! Mama mia!!

AA Cushion claims to give a mattifying effect in which it turns into powder once applied. I actually felt that it dries up matte! Unlike most cushions, this didn’t give a “glossy” finish. Look at the swatch!

Apart from its matte finish, I must say that I adore its coverage. It provides full coverage so I believe it’s perfect for those who have a lot of skin imperfections like me. If you’ll take a good look on my bare skin, you’ll spot a scar right there. Cathy Doll’s AA Cushion covered it a 100%.

WHEN WORN:

Now here’s what I’m telling you about. My skin’s quite problematic. All that you see on Instagram is pure lighting tricks and skin-smoothing effects! I suffered from severe acne for many years and had terrible allergic reactions to my asthma medications in the past. Now, I’m left with dark spots and scars.

The “After” shot shows me wearing just one layer of the AA cushion. No need for concealer and as you can see, it’s pretty matte. The shine you see on my cheekbone is my highlighter. I took this photo before heading out so I’ve got some makeup on.

Shade issue:  Cathy Doll’s AA Cushion claims to give you brighter complexion, which they call “Automatic Aura”. Honestly though, its brightening effect is nothing but making the skin look “whiter”, for me at least. As you can see, #21 Light Beige is still a bit gray for my skin. See the color difference between my face and neck? I knowww.. you’ll probably tell me to settle for the other two shades but nope, they’re not quite a match either.

MY THOUGHTS:

Cathy Doll’s AA Cushion lasted around 8 hours on my excessively oily skin. I have an oily T-zone, oily cheeks and chin but the cushion foundation stayed wonderfully intact without caking! No retouching, seriously. I totally recommend this to those with oily skin because it holds on pretty well even without a primer or a setting powder. I bet this can last even longer when set with powder! Although I must say that you really need to test the shades out very well. This cushion tends to oxidize on certain skin tones because I remember seeing the shades change on some bloggers during our press launch swatch fest. Plus, building it up tends to make it feel really heavy on the skin so I suggest you go easy with it and apply it with a light hand.

I’ll give Cathy Doll’s AA Cushion a 3/5. Definitely not the best cushion foundation I've tried but it is quite a good find for those who seek full coverage and oil control. In comparison with most cushions today, this one is actually more affordable. I also hope that they improve the formula with the scent because it smells like grass(?) in a not-so-good way. I’m not sure how to describe the scent but it’s like when you take a morning walk in the garden and you smell grass loaded with dew drops, it kinda smell like that. OMG my explanation is quite shat I’m so sorry to disappoint you. 

To sum it up - not fond of the scent, the gray cast and the shade options but i love how it offers great coverage, lasts long and controls oil efficiently.

Have you tried this cushion foundation from Cathy Doll? What do you think of it? Know more about what Cathy Doll has to offer and like them on Facebook at www.facebook.com/cathydollphils :)