#opposites but in a samesies kinda way | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

littleandroidwrites · 5 years ago

Text

a self para in shade claude dawoud

ft. hattie michaelson, because! imagine if i answered memes instead of doing flashback self paras. ugh i’d be too powerful.

It was dark, because it was late, but Claude wasn’t tired because when was he? Constant beast mode, twenty-four seven, three sixty fucking five.

Except, he was sitting down now, because Jesus Christ had he been lifting Hattie on and off for three hours.

“You’re not stretching.” Hattie said. Claude looked at her across from him on the mats, her legs out either side of her in a perfect split that Claude found both impressive and unnecessary. “If you don’t stretch, your muscles are going to –”

“Don’t lecture me about the body, Harriet.” Claude said, although notably he was now straightening from his slumped positioin, legs stretching out in front of himself. “I know all about the body.”

Hattie didn’t respond to that, which he figured meant she was tired too. On top of their usual sessions, Aunt Alena had the both of them coming along to junior classes to do mini recitals for them, because some of the six year olds needed a little inspiration. I never needed inspiration, Hattie had said, but somehow it was still her and not Sloane who’d ended up getting roped into it. And Claude, because, well, he liked doing shit. Whether it was ballet or track or getting his loved ones in headlocks, Claude was only really fully himself when he was one hundred and ten percent something. Not one hundred and ten percent in something, but really it. When Claude danced, he was swift moving fluid that could snap into graceful lines at will. When Claude ran, he was a system made to pump adrenaline and move muscle to propel itself forward as quickly as possible.

When Claude got people into headlocks – well actually in those moments, he was just being himself. But he was one hundred and ten percent himself, which was what mattered.

See, Hattie was like him in as much a way as someone who was entirely unlike him could be. Claude understood himself better through understanding his pseudo-cousin. Where he did things to expand, Hattie did things to contain. But they they still both felt an overwhelming desire to do, to keeping doing, to lose themselves inside of it. It was pure fucking chaos to Claude that when he jumped high into the air to do a sissonne, he had to make his body do exactly the opposite of what it wanted, to bend it into a beautiful shape, to make it land on one foot even though every instinct in his body was screaming you’re gonna break your fuckin’ leg. Hattie said she liked it because it meant she was in control. Claude knew that meant she thought sometimes she was gonna break a fucking leg, too.

So anyway, here they were at eleven at night in the ballet studio that Aunt Alena had left them a key to. It was the third storey of a victorian-imitation building, which mostly just meant the rooms were big and echo-y and the floors were made of cherry wood. Mirrors lined one wall floor to ceiling, paned windows the other, and barres lined pretty much whatever free wall space was left. Street lights were a blur in the sky outside, dwarfed by the bright white light coming from a gentle hum above their heads.

It seemed like kinda overkill to have the whole studio lit up like this just for the two of them, but a handful of hours ago there’d been a whole class of little kids, and then they’d kinda accidentally burned a few more hours practicing. Which wasn’t really that surprising to either of them. Claude was pretty sure Hattie didn’t spend a single second of her day doing nothing, which, samesies. That was why they always got along in a funny way. The difference was Claude still managed to have a life inside of his doing things.

“Is Sloane still hanging around Paisley?”

He bowed forward when he asked it, arms reaching for his toes. A familiar burn washed over the muscles of his lower back, and Claude went further, leaning into the sensation.

“Hanging around.” He heard Hattie mumble. “Her girlfriend, you mean.”

“Duh.” He sat back up, tucked his arm behind his head.

“Yes. I think they’re fairly compatible, actually.” Hattie’s head angled to the left, followed by her torso, and she breathed into a side-stretch. “Sloane’s talking about moving in with her. I think they’re pretty serious.”

Maybe, maybe not. Truth be told, Claude didn’t really care how serious Sloane was about her relationship. It was just that this was a good way to turn the topic around to that one time when Claude had been at Aunt Alena’s, and Paisley and her brother were there.

And her sister.

“S’cute.” He said, because it was, right? Young love. And then, in a very casual way, “Does that mean River and Celeste are at yours all the time?”

Now Hattie curled herself upright to frown at him. “Why would they be?”

Claude shrugged. “Dunno. Aren’t your moms real close anyway? I thought maybe since a couple of their kids are together –”

“Not true.” Now Hattie listed forward slowly, hair falling in waves around her face before she fluidly came back up again. “I can’t be bothered to have a fake conversation with you. Say what you mean or be quiet.”

“Dickhead. Can’t I just want to have a conversa–”

“Stop talking, Claude.”

Fucks sake. He should’ve tried Sloane. “Fine. Fuck.”

And they were quiet for a couple minutes. Eventually Claude got bored of stretching, leaned back on his elbows and settled for rolling his ankles. He noted that his leotard was too fucking close to his skin colour. Either he had to get a tan or he was buying green leggings. Maybe both.

Except, now Hattie was looking at him.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar! What?”

“Well, obviously you want to know something about River or Celeste.” Hattie pursed her lips. “I’m just trying to figure out what.”

“I thought you were done with the conversation.”

“Done with you wasting my time, not caring what you had to say.”

Aw. Claude smiled. “You fucking love me.”

“I grew up with you. We see a lot of each other.” Hattie said it in the way that she said some things, like they were dismissals rather than just explanations. But Claude wasn’t gonna educate her on the spectrum of human emotion today. He was busy getting what he wanted. “Be honest. You’re interested in Celeste, aren’t you?”

Celeste. It was such a pretty name. It fit her so well. Like celestial, like heavenly, like stars, like her eyes.

He said, “Nah.”

“Then River.”

“What? No.”

Hattie’s expression turned smug. “So you do like Celeste.”

“Didn’t I just say no to both?”

“Yes, but you were more incredulous when I asked you about River. Which either means on some level you were already comfortable with the idea of liking Celeste and therefore your reaction was more muted to that suggestion, or you’re a homophobe.”

“Fuck off! I’m not a homophobe.” Claude sat up, scowling. “My dad’s gay. Both of my dads are gay! And I tell my guy friends I love them all the time!”

Hattie nodded. “So you like Celeste.”

“No!” Claude insisted. Hattie raised her eyebrows. “No.” She raised them higher. “Okay, so?!”

Hattie sighed. “If you’d just trusted me to begin with, I wouldn’t have had to manipulate you like that. And for the record, saying you don’t like a man doesn’t make you a homophobe.”

Claude grumbled, “I know that.”

She shrugged. “Just so we’re on the same page.”

Fucking Hattie. If she were so smart she would’ve known Claude had been obsessed with Celeste since they were sophmores, anyway. But then again she wasn’t great at those kinds of things, people things. She could tell you the square root of one thousand and forty eight (did all numbers have a square root or just special ones? Fuck if Claude had ever paid attention in, what was it, geometry?) in under five seconds, but put her in the middle of a crowded room with no structure or expectation to deliver a presentation on the solar system, and she was lost.

He guessed he should give her a break. This was probably a big revelation to her. Maybe he was proud she knew people even liked other people at all.

“What was it you wanted to know about her, then?” She asked, folding her legs criss-cross applesauce.

Claude shrugged, easing back onto his palms. He was being coy, of course. He knew what he wanted to hear about. “I don’t know. Just wondered what she was up to. Hey, is she still seeing –”

“She’s still with Sebastian.”

“Fucks sake.”

“Yes. I think it’s been,” Hattie paused briefly to frown at the ceiling. “Four and a half years.”

“They gotta be stale by now.” Claude muttered, which Hattie rolled her eyes at. “Seriously. Who dates someone when they’re fifteen and keeps the magic alive?”

Hattie pursed her lips. “Sebastian’s nice. Some people like that.”

He scowled. “What would you know about Bash?”

“Well, he was on the row team all through high school, and he still does it in college, which takes a lot of discipline –”

“Like I haven’t been doing ballet since I was a fucking baby.”

“— and when I was sick for a week in junior year, he brought me the homework and gave me his notes.” Hattie smiled. “Which was very courteous.”

He said flatly, “And you somehow stopped yourself from jumping his bones.”

“I think what I’m communicating to you, Claude,” Oh, she sounded stern. She didn’t like his joke. “Is that there’s very little crossover between you and Sebastian. And even if there was, Celeste seems very happy with him, so I doubt you’d have a chance regardless.”

Shit news. The same shitty news he’d been getting for years now.

But Claude could fucking rally. “I have a class with her this year, though. Maybe they’ll be broken up by then.”

Hattie was getting to her feet. “Unlikely.”

“Look, science-fucker, isn’t that the whole point of the old man’s cat? Until you see the situation, it has an equal chance of being and not fucking being. Ergo,” Now he was speaking her language, “Celeste has equally dumped and not dumped Bash. I just gotta get in there on the dumped side of things.”

The look Hatte was giving him was one of – you know what? Claude was gonna call it admiration.

“Schrodinger’s cat, and that’s not really how it works, no. It’s about the observed electron –”

Claude started getting to his feet, too. “Sparknotes, Harriet.”

“Well, we’ve all observed that they’re together, so as long as you’re causing pandemonium in this timeline? I think you’re out of luck.”

He grabbed his bag and then Hattie’s, mostly because he knew how much she hated it when he tried to carry her shit for her. He threw them both over his shoulder, even as she tried to grab at hers.

“So if it’s about being observed,” He said, walking to the door at a very casual pace as Hattie tugged him backward by the straps of their bags, “Then something else can happen unobserved.”

“You don’t understand Shrodinger’s cat, Claude, stop acting like you d –”

“So maybe she can be with him and not be with him. When no one’s looking. You know?” That was a window.

He’d take that.

#ch: claude #self para #ch: hattie #really not #otp: corner of your heart #but i'll tag it anyway since it's claude's terrible plotting beginning

1 note · View note

samanthasroberts · 6 years ago

Text

The Best Bachelor in Paradise Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 2

Last night in Paradise we finally said goodbye and fuck you to Chad, got to see round 2 of Nick Viall vs. Josh Murray drama, and my ED Evan gaydar scale practically exploded after his professions of “love” for Carly. This show is so unscriptedly (not a word? Idc) amazing that ‘paradise’ actually refers to how I feel sitting on my couch watching these losers talk mad shit about each other. So WTF went down last night?

The Chad Breakdown Continues

Chad is definitely still wasted from last night, and Chris Harrison is def just pissed he has to interrupt his robe-lounging to deal with this. “It’s worth it for the **ratings**” – Probably a post-it on Chris Harrison’s mini bar.

Chris Harrison:Where are you going??? Chad: I dont know, Tijuana or something.

Then Leah comes and I’m pretty sure all of America/Bachelor Nation is like, Leah who?

….mmm nope.

Of COURSE she comes on the show and is looking for Chad. Could it BE any more staged???

– Leah talking about Chad / me talking about my dog

said no one ever, until Leah

Okay just had a flashback to Leah throwing Lauren B under the bus. Classy chick! However she does look like Mena Suvari in American Beauty when she cries.

Nick / Leah / Amanda Triangle

Leah gives up on the Chad situation and moves onto her next target, slick Nick.

Nick:– Nick prior to running a controlled empirical study on Leah.

Nick: Thanks for asking me on this date Leah: Thanks for coming …Can you say chemistry??

Leah:– that’s what she said.

Leah:I’m very confident when I say I think I have a lot of qualities that you’re looking for Nick:I really appreciate what you’re saying. I actually think I’m leaning towards Amanda k thx bai.

Nick decides he’s just not that into Leah (probably either her lip injections or her fragrance of desperation, tbd) and moves onto Amanda, mother of 2.

Nick: I love fires and sitting near them Amanda: I love lamp

“No child left behind” – Not Amanda’s parenting philosophy.

Carly and Evan

Evan gets a date card and asks Carly and I literally don’t think I’ve ever seen someone want to cry more after getting a date.

– Evan sounds like the 40 year old virgin describing boobs like bags of sand.

“Evan does give me erectile dysfunction” – An amazing quote that I can’t believe we didn’t think of first

Carly: My brother told me I have to stop dating feminine men…like my first boyfriend now has a boyfriend. And now this again. – Looks like somebody’s got a type!

Carly and Evan have completely opposite reactions to the jabanero kiss:

Evan: My mouth is on fire and I don’t know if it’s the pepper or from kissing Carly.

Carly: I vommitted…and it’s not just from the pepper.

Josh Murray vs. Nick

So before we get into the ancient epic battle between Josh and Nick (more epic than the Sunni-Shiite conflict I can assure you), we feel it’s our duty to reveal what Andi Dorfman wrote about him in her amazing/scandalous tell-all. Basically, according to her (but also like, def true), he was seriously emotionally abusive towards her in all our favorite ways – accusing her of cheating, not letting her spend time with her besties, stalking her social media for signs of other guys, having humil screaming matches in public…you really have to read it to get the full effect. (We’re not even getting paid to say that!!)

Josh on Andi: We were just like, very different in a lot of ways. – He is obviously very pissed about this book.

The Bachelor producers LOVE fucking with Nick Viall’s emotions. Third time still not a charm.

Amanda should’ve stayed with Nick.

Other Miscellanous Lameness

– Daniel

Lace was sadly very uninteresting last night except her eyelash extensions, which are malfunctioning.

Emily’s idea of sexy small talk is unreal:

Emily: What are you thinking about? Jared: Paradise…

Jared is obviously conflicted about hooking up with Emily, like he’s not into her clearly but he doesn’t want to get kicked off. It’s muy interesante how whenever the guys have the roses the girls whore themselves out, and when the girls have the roses the guys pretend to have feelings. Feminist AF.

Week Two Night Two

Second week of paradise, second night of the week that I have to watch the same show for reasons unknown.

This episode starts with Josh and Amanda incessantly making out in front of everyone, while making meerkat noises.

Nick is obviously displeased so he continues to workout on the beach while taking breaks to shed a tear.

Daniel is unhappy because theres a new guy in Paradise who is about to take his love interest awayChristian. I literally do not remember him but apparently Sarah is super into the guy. All we know is that hes really fucking smiley… like hes about to pull out Jamaican steel drums and serenade everyone on the beach.

Daniel yeah or just Canadian.

Meanwhile ED Evan cant shut the fuck up about his date with Carly. Vinny: Wow kissed for a minute and 46 seconds. Evan: 41 seconds! It was like butterfly explosions.

Carly has the talk with Evan where she breaks up with him even though all they did was go on one awful date together. If Carly were a guy she would like never talk to him, ignore him, and then hook up with someone else in front of him.

Now that Evan is my ex-boyfriend Carly.

Enter new guy Brendan. Even Chris Harrison doesnt know who Brendan is (even though Chris Harrison definitely knows who he is and that scene was literally more scripted than a fight on ). Carly falls in love at first sight but doesnt realize that Brendan is dumber than anyone who has ever been on this television show. Brendan picks Haley (or Emily?) on his date.

This time Im doing a bad job in paradise. Like Last time I did a really bad job in paradise but this time Im doing like a worse job. Carly

Before her sisters date Emily drinks a beer and gets wasted which was THE BEST part of this entire episode.

My best friend is going on a date and like now that shes engaged Im so happy. I didnt mean to get like this!! Someone please give her more alcohol.

Brendan and Haleys date was the most absurd thing Ive ever seen. I want to find a woman who wants to give 110% HE IS Brendan Frasier in .

Why would Brendan even notice that the twins switched on him? I could barely tell the difference? But also like, he is giving this like loving we have a connection speech that I promise he would have given to any girl he would have picked. (But apparently not Carly).

Back at the house, because Daniel was supes jealous of Sarah and Christians new connection he makes a little mini date on a daybed for them.

Daniel: I’m an eagle and this eagle knows what he wants.

Sarah: I Just want to be appreciated for who I am and respect who I am. Daniel: Samesies. I hate it when people don’t respect me. Flashback to Daniel one episode ago: I was looking for some good looking girls so far I’m not impressed. Nothing I’d touch, maybe the one blonde girl if I had a couple of drinks in me. So far these are poodles and yorkies and washed up street dogs. I’d have to be white girl wasted to fuck them.

Sarah: DAMN DANIEL!

Sarah refers to Daniel as the goofy one who is weird and kinda dumb but makes her laugh. Can we all agree that Daniel IS Canadian Joey Tribbiani?

Daniel, Romance Expert.

PS Why are all the couples, the self proclaimed sexy six, all making out together in one bed and not like, alone? What is this, the junior prom limo!?

Then the best thing to ever happen on this show happens. Evan self implodes.

The producers first convince him not to leave. Then they somehow manipulate him into thinking that the girl he has the best chance with is Amanda, yes, the one Josh is about to engulf.

Either I was like really high or this was SOOOO funny but watching Evan write a sad handwritten note to himself was probably the best television of life.

Then he pumps himself up by calling himself by his full name. YOURE FRICKIN EVAN BASS .. however I am pretty sure he meant it in the sense that like, he is like related to Chuck Bass and thats what makes him cool. Yes I fully believe Evan watches .

Then the producers convince him to walk up to Amanda and Josh while theyre hooking up to ask Amanda out. Whether this was scripted or not, this was good. The other reason for him doing this was his chance to get closer to Josh. Think about it, Chad was pretty hot and Evan loved stirring the pot with him on . Now he wants to get steamy with Josh. I can see that exciting little Evan. Aka Ogie from the movie (obscure but like, so accurate).

Don’t do it Evan, this will end poorly!! – all of America.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-best-bachelor-in-paradise-recap-youll-ever-read-week-2/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/09/30/the-best-bachelor-in-paradise-recap-youll-ever-read-week-2/

0 notes

adambstingus · 6 years ago

Text

The Best Bachelor in Paradise Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 2

The Chad Breakdown Continues

Chris Harrison:Where are you going??? Chad: I dont know, Tijuana or something.

Then Leah comes and I’m pretty sure all of America/Bachelor Nation is like, Leah who?

….mmm nope.

Of COURSE she comes on the show and is looking for Chad. Could it BE any more staged???

– Leah talking about Chad / me talking about my dog

said no one ever, until Leah

Okay just had a flashback to Leah throwing Lauren B under the bus. Classy chick! However she does look like Mena Suvari in American Beauty when she cries.

Nick / Leah / Amanda Triangle

Leah gives up on the Chad situation and moves onto her next target, slick Nick.

Nick:– Nick prior to running a controlled empirical study on Leah.

Nick: Thanks for asking me on this date Leah: Thanks for coming …Can you say chemistry??

Leah:– that’s what she said.

Nick decides he’s just not that into Leah (probably either her lip injections or her fragrance of desperation, tbd) and moves onto Amanda, mother of 2.

Nick: I love fires and sitting near them Amanda: I love lamp

“No child left behind” – Not Amanda’s parenting philosophy.

Carly and Evan

Evan gets a date card and asks Carly and I literally don’t think I’ve ever seen someone want to cry more after getting a date.

– Evan sounds like the 40 year old virgin describing boobs like bags of sand.

“Evan does give me erectile dysfunction” – An amazing quote that I can’t believe we didn’t think of first

Carly: My brother told me I have to stop dating feminine men…like my first boyfriend now has a boyfriend. And now this again. – Looks like somebody’s got a type!

Carly and Evan have completely opposite reactions to the jabanero kiss:

Evan: My mouth is on fire and I don’t know if it’s the pepper or from kissing Carly.

Carly: I vommitted…and it’s not just from the pepper.

Josh Murray vs. Nick

Josh on Andi: We were just like, very different in a lot of ways. – He is obviously very pissed about this book.

The Bachelor producers LOVE fucking with Nick Viall’s emotions. Third time still not a charm.

Amanda should’ve stayed with Nick.

Other Miscellanous Lameness

– Daniel

Lace was sadly very uninteresting last night except her eyelash extensions, which are malfunctioning.

Emily’s idea of sexy small talk is unreal:

Emily: What are you thinking about? Jared: Paradise…

Week Two Night Two

Second week of paradise, second night of the week that I have to watch the same show for reasons unknown.

This episode starts with Josh and Amanda incessantly making out in front of everyone, while making meerkat noises.

Nick is obviously displeased so he continues to workout on the beach while taking breaks to shed a tear.

Daniel yeah or just Canadian.

Meanwhile ED Evan cant shut the fuck up about his date with Carly. Vinny: Wow kissed for a minute and 46 seconds. Evan: 41 seconds! It was like butterfly explosions.

Now that Evan is my ex-boyfriend Carly.

This time Im doing a bad job in paradise. Like Last time I did a really bad job in paradise but this time Im doing like a worse job. Carly

Before her sisters date Emily drinks a beer and gets wasted which was THE BEST part of this entire episode.

My best friend is going on a date and like now that shes engaged Im so happy. I didnt mean to get like this!! Someone please give her more alcohol.

Brendan and Haleys date was the most absurd thing Ive ever seen. I want to find a woman who wants to give 110% HE IS Brendan Frasier in .

Back at the house, because Daniel was supes jealous of Sarah and Christians new connection he makes a little mini date on a daybed for them.

Daniel: I’m an eagle and this eagle knows what he wants.

Sarah: DAMN DANIEL!

Sarah refers to Daniel as the goofy one who is weird and kinda dumb but makes her laugh. Can we all agree that Daniel IS Canadian Joey Tribbiani?

Daniel, Romance Expert.

PS Why are all the couples, the self proclaimed sexy six, all making out together in one bed and not like, alone? What is this, the junior prom limo!?

Then the best thing to ever happen on this show happens. Evan self implodes.

The producers first convince him not to leave. Then they somehow manipulate him into thinking that the girl he has the best chance with is Amanda, yes, the one Josh is about to engulf.

Either I was like really high or this was SOOOO funny but watching Evan write a sad handwritten note to himself was probably the best television of life.

Don’t do it Evan, this will end poorly!! – all of America.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-best-bachelor-in-paradise-recap-youll-ever-read-week-2/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/178602825797

0 notes