#oooooh alright alright alright

[special-mooon]

BOOK 7 CHAPTER 10 SSR BANNER THE TWEELS IN THEIR MERFORMS OH GREAT HEAVENS

[luigixfanxayjay]

i finally did it.

after almost 60 entire hours of gameplay... and numerous mental breakdowns...

i completed brothership. and BOY do i have far too many thoughts.

some thoughts and game review in tags (SPOILER WARNING AHEAD)

[steelthroat]

I may not speak Deutsch. HOWEVER, the random gods of the internet have graced me with Mozart das musical so...

*seeks the musical on YouTube*

WAIT THE FRENCH MADE ANOTHER ONE? ROCK????? DUDE SAID FUCK THE HIERARCHY?????

Ahem anyway:

Mozart, das musical

Mozart, l'opera rock (eng sub)

[mcytblrconfessions-but-badder]

https://www.tumblr.com/mcytblrconfessions-but-badder/773881042892455936/omg-this-is-another-if-i-was-a-content-creator?source=share

Except Joe DIDN'T fact check anything. He had a mod tell him the video "was factually wrong" when it wasn't. He want on a rant about how "he didn't do years of research just to see people fail to do their own" and he never watched the damn video.

He was so mad that this girl "claimed there wasn't fanfic of hermitcraft season one" that he made a whole post to correct her when the video title, description, and into all point out that the video was specific to fanfiction on AO3 and was clear that they were aware fanfiction existed outside the platform but that the particular video was only ao3 stats.

Joe did not bother to do his OWN research and just casually took a "he said she said" statement as fact despite his whole argument being about how he hates people who won't do research.

Pathetic. I hope he sees this, I want someone to tag him in this post or send it to him.

.

[pinkyjulien]

Y'all I'm boutta---

I thought I was going to hate or at least be icked honked by Blonde Mitch- it happened a few times cause of some modding honkery

but

[fcxrcin]

@bimeval

She hears it. The gate opening and closing, then the sound of light footsteps hitting gravel and dirt. My Melody had just left to have some fun in the nice weather, so Hansol didn't think it'd be her. The aura was also much different. Hansol is running down the stairs from the second floor,

"Ah! There you are." She laughs, "I was wondering where you disappeared off to. There was this strange, but super cute little child and apparently she lives here.....too...?" What was that look?

"Sukuna? Are you okay?" Immediate concern takes over and the Gumiho steps forward, head tilted, "Did something happen?"

[taniushka12]

INTERSTELLAR MOVIE OF ALL TIME

[crmsndragonwngss]

And now it’s all crashing down

Breaking everything

I can barely breathe

There’s not a way to escape

The hollow emptiness

Now I suffocate

I feel nothing

I feel nothing

[reallifeorfantasy97]

*WHEEZE*

Ok, who let the Disaster Twins attempt to be motivational. XD

Okay, I'm not the most original person, but I really wanted to draw this meme with them, so I'm sorry if it's already been drawn before heheheehhe

[quietlyblooms]

chiyo's about to feel so gross in this reply and i don't mean in the spicy way

[thedevotionaltour]

they should create the thought pattern that makes you believe it will all turn out okay instead

[wonderjanga]

Solomon Outing Everyone

It’s not Billy’s fault Solomon does this. It’s just that the old man will blabber before he even has a chance to register and now he’ll know people’s identities.

Like the second time he met Batman. The first time the two met was when there was a giant alien invasion. That was the day the Justice League formed. Billy didn’t join though due to the fact he left almost immediately after so he could start clearing rubble and looking for injured. He wasn’t apart of the “Hey, after this, let’s meet up at a certain place and discuss becoming a team” discussion. See, the second time they met, was when Bruce Wayne was in Fawcett scouting for “potential locations to open another branch of Wayne Industries in.” He was actually scouting for Marvel. He wanted to see how the Captain was doing as a hero and if the man would consider joining the Justice League.

Bruce: *walking around, asking about Cap and just looking for the man*

Marvel: *flying in the sky*

Solomon: “Oooh one of your little friends is here, Billy.”

Marvel: *pauses his flight* “Who?”

Solomon: “The Man of Bats. Batman.”

Marvel: “Mr. Batman Sir?” *looks around* “Where?”

Solomon: “Look down. You’ll see a lavishly dressed gentleman.”

Marvel: *looks down* “There’s like five lavishly dressed gentlemen.”

Solomon: “The one everyone’s gawking at.”

Marvel: “Oooooh. That makes sense.” *flies down*

I’m gonna tell you right now, more than ten people have gawked at Bruce when he walked down the street, not because he’s Bruce Wayne, but because they think he’s Patrick Wayne. (Bruce’s grandpa) Let this be connected to my C.C. and Great Grandpa Wayne post from a long while ago.

Marvel: *lands in front of Bruce with a big smile* “Mr. Batman! What’re you doing in Fawcett?”

Bruce: *face shows no reaction but his soul nearly left his body* “Captain Marvel.” *grabs Marvel’s arm and leads them away from public eye*

Marvel: *confused, lets him lead him away*

Bruce: “How did you figure out my identity?”

Solomon: “Easy, they’re body language is the same.”

Marvel: “Your body language is the same.”

Bruce: *someone who carefully crafted a persona to be the complete opposite of the Batman* “Hn. I’d like to you to elaborate on that statement in a few moments, but anyways, the Justice League would like to speak with you-” *starts rambling about the JL and how Marvel should join them*

After the rambling…

Marvel: “I’d love to join!”

Batman: “Really? That’s it? No second thoughts whatsoever?” *wondering how the other man gave this no thought yet also found out his secret identity in a short interaction*

Marvel: “Nope, count me in.”

Batman: “Huh.” *stares for like a second* “Alright then. I’ll reach out to you when we have a comm available for you.”

Then there was Clark. Now see, Marvel had met him first, but Billy had met him second. Mr. Morris introduced them and they worked together for a bit and Billy thought the man was nice. They were even on first name basis! (Clark was practically begging him to stop calling him Mr. Kent.) Then unfortunately, their little partnership ended and they went their separate ways. Solomon couldn’t say anything because Billy was Billy, not Cap, so the chat was muted. Two’s third interaction was when Solomon started running his mouth. This happened soon after he got his comm and went to the Watchtower for the first time.

Marvel: “It’s wonderful to meet you Mr. Superman Sir.” *shaking his hand*

Supes: “You as well, but uh… Please just call me Superman.”

Solomon: “Isn’t that the Kent boy?”

Marvel: *pauses mid handshake to stare intently at Clark because there’s no way that’s true- oh my gods it is* “Clark?”

Supes: *actually shows on his face that his soul also nearly leaves his body* “Wha- I- uh- Clark, who’s that?”

Marvel: “You? Or at least I thought you were.”

Solomon: “Thought he was? Billy you know it’s him.”

Marvel: “Yeah, I thought so. I can’t believe you’re a superhero, man. That’s awesome.”

Supes: *dumbstruck and fumbling for words*

Marvel: “Say, does superheroing help with getting stories-”

Supes: “Okay!” *pushes him into a nearby room so no one will here them*

Marvel: *lets himself be pushed*

Supes: “How did you find out my identity?!” *sounds super panicked*

Solomon: “His body language. And his face. Mostly the body language.”

Marvel: “Mostly your body language.”

Supes: “Wha- We’ve met one time before this!?”

Marvel: “So?”

Supes: “So?!” *pauses to take a deep breath* “Look, just please don’t tell anyone about my secret identity.”

Marvel: “You don’t have to tell me twice. A secret identity is a secret for a reason.”

Supes: *sigh of relief* “Good. But uh… I gotta ask, how exactly do you know my civilian identity? I don’t remember ever meeting you or someone like you.”

Marvel: “You’ve met my civilian identity.” *shrugs*

Supes: “Oh really?” *slightly surprised* “Who are you? Do you work at the Planet?”

Marvel: “No, and I can’t tell you who I am.”

Supes: “Why? You know me… somehow.”

Marvel: “I know, but my identity is kind of a problem.”

Supes: “Are you a criminal or something? Batman told me of a villain who became a hero, if that’s truly the case with you, I won’t judge.”

Marvel: “No, no, no, it’s not that. It’s just that my identity is just a flat out problem. That’s it.”

Supes: “Well that’s really specific.”

Marvel: “Sorry.” *feels bad*

Supes: “Don’t apologize.” *feels bad for making him feel bad* “You shouldn’t have that mentality about your civilian self though.”

Marvel: “I try not to.”

Also any shapeshifters? Solomon clocks it’s them immediately. Also also, him and Cassandra Cain are constantly in tune too. Same with him and Martian Manhunter.

[haleswallows]

DC x DP Dead Tired 'Fake Relationship' plot bunny

Alright, imagine me presenting you with this like a proud cat bringing you the hair tie I just murdered. (Anyone is welcome to add to this - to treat it like a prompt or to expand on it. Just, like, let me know so I can consume it with an unhinged fervor, thank you!)

Tim (no longer forever 17) finds himself in a bit of a situation. One being that he's really fed up with Dick and Barbara and Alfred and even Bruce being nosy. And why are they being nosy?

Because that's their love language. And also, because for some absurd reason Tim cannot discern, Dick got it in his head that Tim is lonely. Which, of course means everyone has accepted the mission to get Tim hitched.

Is it that Tim and Bernard broke up? Is it that Tim has gone stag to every charity gala for the last year? Is it that Bruce finally pulled his head out of his ass and made things work out with Selina? The world may never know.

What Tim does know is he isn't lonely. He's fine. Truly.

Enter Danny Phantom.

The ghost hero is interesting. Tim side eyes the guy pretty hard when he joins the Justice League. For a dead guy, he's pretty cheery and up-beat. Honestly, with all the quips & puns, he could have been a Robin in a past life.

Surprising absolutely no one, Nightwing and Phantom quickly become butt-buddies, joined at the hip, partners in crime. Tim is not jealous, no matter what Dick says. He has his own team, his own cases, CEO work, etc etc etc and even more etc. Great, Dick has a new friend.

Too bad for Tim, one of his cases overlaps with Phantom's 'jurisdiction'. No one will tell Tim what that means. No worries, Tim will find out. He always does.

Red Robin and Phantom team up. It goes... great. No grievous injuries, the case gets solved, Phantom takes the frankly disturbing relic of Red Robin's hands. Tim cares only in-so-far that the thing is out of Gotham and Phantom promises (so-signed by Batman? the actual fuck?) it will be safe and won't return to the human realm.

They're wrapping up in one of Tim's more 'civilian' passing safe-houses. Mostly because it was the closest, and Phantom said something about 'ley lines' and 'easier to open a portal'. Cool, whatever. Tim was going to burn this safe-house soon anyway.

Tim, as always, gets himself into trouble. Chronic Thinking Too Much Disease, they really ought to make a cure for it. He's reflecting, watching Phantom eat Cheerios right out of the box, sitting on the counter, looking like he belongs there. When the fuck did Tim get Cheerios?

There's no denying it. Tim liked working with Phantom. The guy is good in a fight, doesn't rely on his powers too much, and kept up with Tim. Not not physically, but intellectually. And he's shockingly earnest when he isn't being a trash-talking little shit.

So. Tim gets an idea.

"Hey," he says before he's even thoroughly thought it out, "we should date."

Phantom pauses, gloved hand suspended in the middle of shoving another handful of cereal into his mouth, wide eyed and gaping. Attractive.

"Huh?" he says, eloquently.

"Not for real," Tim scrambles to explain. "I mean fake dating. Just hang around some, be a bit performative, nothing out of masks. We can say we're taking things slow and break up. Nightwing keeps trying to set me up with a date. This will get him off my case."

"Oooooh." Phantom resumes inhaling cereal. Why a ghost needs to eat, Tim would like to know, but it's probably rude to ask. Slowly chewing, Phantom seriously thinks it over. "You know, the council has been bugging me too. About dating. This could work out for both of us."

Council? Tim would like to know why a council is interested in Phantom dating. So he asks.

Phantom sighs explosively. Finally, he sets the Cheerios down. "OK, so like, this is need to know basis only. I haven't even disclosed it to the League. And like, Nightwing only knows because he's my friend and the Observants crashed one of our mission and blew the lid."

Pulling a face, Phantom waves an arm in an arc over his head. A crown appears, spinning and shooting off beams of light like an Aurora Borealis.

"I'm the Ghost King. It's a whole thing, no I am not taking questions on it at this time. Well, technically, I'm the Prince of the Infinite Realms because I'm too young to take the throne. So, there's a council and a regent. Whatever, not important!"

Phantom claps, getting himself back on track. "What that means is there's a council and Observants that are really interested in my personal shit. Including who I date. But like, I'm enjoying my brat girl summer and being single right now, not that they care."

Tim blinks. Then blinks again, slotting the new information in place alongside everything he knows about Phantom. That's... something.

"That sounds annoying," Tim says, instead of one of the approximately 23 questions in his head that are quickly spawning more by the second. "Fake dating would solve both of our problems."

Because Tim is a professional, they make a contract. Phantom will remain Red Robin's boyfriend, since they're taking it slow and no secret identities will need to be disclosed. Tim doesn't ask why Phantom would have a secret identity... he's dead? Saves the question for the later.

Red Robin will remain Phantom's totally human badass vigilante boyfriend, since they're taking it slow and Tim won't be required to do anything in any capacity for the Infinite Realms.

Then they set boundaries. Date ideas, what they're comfortable with for PDA, how much they'll have to do to sell it.

"I mean," Phantoms says, again with a mouthful of Cheerios. "Clockwork monitors the timelines, so he definitely already knows what we're doing. And he hasn't intervened yet." When Tim gives him A Look, Phantom helpfully explains, "He only intervenes when I do something stupid enough that'll change the course of the multiverse. So," then shrugs, entirely too nonchalant for Tim's tastes.

"If Clockwork already knows, won't he say something to the council or the Observants?" The very Observants Phantom has guaranteed will pop in on Tim at some point. So Tim feels compelled to ask.

"Nah," Phantom says. He kicks his feet from where he's sitting on the kitchen table now, right at Tim's elbow. "He hates the Observants more than I do. I bet he loves this. He's always down to fuck with them."

Great. That's... great.

Nothing can go wrong, right?

[ginax0916]

✩ 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐝 𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐩 𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫 ✩

Sturniolo Triplets x bsf!fem!reader

Synopsis: The triplets try a period cramp simulator thinking it’ll be easy.

Warnings: period cramps ig?

*this is js platonic :)*

⭑ ⋆ ⭑ ⋆ ⭑ ⋆ ⭑ ⋆ ⭑ ⋆

“Hey guys welcome back to our YouTube! Today we have our best friend y/n here with us” Nick said as I waved to the camera smiling.

“Tell them what we’re doing today since you’ve been so enthusiastic about making this video” Matt says clearly not happy about the video idea.

“Well if you watched the boys stream the other day, Matt brought up that he bought a period cramp simulator but they’ve refused to use it. So with a little bit of begging and buying Chris a whole box of Pepsis I convinced them to film the video” I laughed excited to see their reactions to it.

“I’m so not excited for this” Chris groaned.

“I honestly don’t think it’s gonna be that bad” Nick says confidently.

“Whatever you say” I say giggling.

“Ok who first?” I ask.

“AHH OH MY GOD” Nick suddenly screams.

“What?” We all say scared from his sudden yelling.

“I searched up how bad period cramps hurt and it says that they can hurt as bad as a heart attack oh my lord” Nick says clearly scared out of his mind.

“Holy fuck” Matts jaw drops.

“Damn bro you gotta go through this shit every month?” Chris asks genuinely concerned.

“Unfortunately” I sigh.

“Alright who first?” I ask again, setting up all the equipment.

“Not it!” Chris screams.

“Not it!!” Nick screams right after him.

“Fuck fuck no” Matt panics.

“Ok come on Matt sit in the chair” I laugh.

“No I can’t I can’t” Matt says as he reluctantly sits in the chair.

“You’ll be fine” I giggle. “Ok lift up your shirt” I say.

“Oooooh it’s getting freaky” Chris says.

“Oh shut up” Nick slaps his arm.

I put the patches on Matt’s stomach and laughed at his flinching every time I put one on.

“Ok are you ready?” I ask him.

“Oh fuck Chris hold my hand” Matt says to Chris who was standing next to me.

“Ok we’ll start easy on level 1” I turn the machine on to the lowest level. Matt’s eyes close for a second and then he breathes out.

“Ok ok not that bad” He sighs.

“Level 2” I say turning the machine up a bit.

“Still not too bad just feels like a Stich” Matt says letting go of Chris’s hand.

“Level 3”

“Ok this one’s got a bit of a kick but not too bad” He breathes out again.

“4”

“Ow fuck this one feels like the type of stomachache you have after having too much hot sauce on something” He says making us all laugh.

“Level 5”

“Level 6”

“AH FUCK FUCK” Matt yells in pain reaching out for Chris’s hand again.

“Level 7”

“Oh my god stop it actually hurts like a bitch” Matt whimpers in pain.

“Someone’s gonna edit that” Nick comments making everyone laugh.

“Level 8”

“Y/n stop holy fucking shit I can’t” He moans in pain again. His head falling back as he closes his eyes.

“Come on get to 10 Matt” I say turning it up to level 9.

“FUCK FUCK FUCK” He moans loudly making his brothers laugh.

“And level 10” I say.

“Oh god. Oh fuck I can’t oh my god” Matt says gripping my arm with one hand and Chris’s hand with his other. Nick stood behind him massaging his shoulders dying of laughter.

“Ah- fuckkk” He whimpers “It hurts so bad fuck” Matt moans.

“How does it feel?” I ask softly.

“Turn it the fuck off oh my god” He moans.

“There you go” I say turning it off.

“Holy shit” He sighs in relief.

“Was it Bad?” Chris questions.

“It was fucking hell” Matt says clutching his stomach.

“Alright who next” I chuckle.

“Chris rock paper scissors shoot” Nick says.

“Ok ok loser goes” Chris states the obvious.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot” They play and Nick looses.

“FUCK OFF” Nick screams as get gets in the chair. 

I place the patches on him just like I did with Matt.

“You ready?” I ask.

“Fuck is Turn it up to level 4 straight away it can’t be that bad” Nick says with confidence but also fear.

“Damn Nick alright” I say turning it up to level 4.

“HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD” Nick screams gripping the chair so hard his knuckles look like they might turn white.

“See Nick it is that bad” Matt says laughing.

“Shut up I realize that now” Nick says trying to punch his brother.

“Level 5”

“Fucking hell” Nick groans in pain.

“Level 6”

“JESUS OH MY” He screams again.

“Level 7”

“I hate you for my making me do this oh my god” He moans in pain just like Matt.

“Level 8”

“FUCK FUCK FUCK NO IT HURTS SO BAD” Nick yells stomping his feet on the ground almost making the chair fall back.

“Damn relax you beast you’re gonna break our floor” Chris laughs.

“FUCK IT I CANT” Nick rips off the patches and runs into the living room screaming making everyone die of laughter.

“Oh come on Nick you didn’t even get to 10 I bet I could” Chris says teasing his brother.

“You sure about that Chris?” I say pushing his shoulder with mine.

“Oh I’m sure” He smiles sitting on the chair lifting his shirt up.

“There’s gonna be a shit ton of edits of this” Matt sighs covering his face with his hands.

“I’m looking forward to it” I laugh.

“Ok you ready?” I ask Chris.

“Go for it” He replies, closing his eyes in fear.

“You’re Fine Chris this is only level 1” I say as I turn it on.

“Ok not bad Like Matt Said” he says.

“Level 2” He gets through all the easy levels not making a noise only scrunching his face once in a while. Even on level 4 he barely has a reaction.

“Damn Chris” I say stunned.

“Holy fuck dude I was screaming” Nick says baffled at Chris’s pain tolerance.

“Level 5”

And again no reaction from Chris, only a slight scrunch of his face.

“Bro how” Matt raises his voice flabbergasted at his brother.

“Alright Chris you’re doing a little too good I’m gonna turn it up to 8 which is where Nick gave up” I speak up wanting to see him have a reaction.

“Alright I’m ready” Chris breathes out.

“Ok Level 8” I turn it up.

“Ok fuck fuck this one actually hurts” Chris whimpers and grabs my arm.

“Level 9” I say happy that Chris finally reached a pain limit.

“Oh my god wait this actually hurts -ah fuck” He moans throwing his head back and squeezing my hand harder.

“I’m actually surprised you lasted that long without a reaction Chris” Matt says rubbing his shoulder still surprised.

“And level 10” I turn it up to the max.

“Ah- fuckkkkk it feels like a bunch of pin and needles playing with my intestines” He groans.

“Do you want me to turn it off ?” I ask him.

“No I wanna see how long I can last” Chris says whimpering again.

“That’s what she said” Nick bursts out laughing.

“Shut up Nick” I laugh.

“Oh my godddd -ah shit” Chris squirms in the seat scrunching his face in pain. He moves one of his hand to cover his mouth which is letting out soft moans and whimpers.

“You sound like you’re having an orgasm” Nick points out laughing.

“Shut the fuck up you couldn’t even get to 10” Chris argues.

Matt Starts uncontrollably laughing and rests his head on my shoulder as he laughs.

“You want me to turn it off now?” I ask.

“Fuck yes please oh god-” Chris groans in pain one last time before I turn the device off and take the patches off his stomach.

“I’m never doing that again” He sighs in relief and falls forward to rest on the table.

“I’m actually surprised you lasted that long” I say patting his back.

“That’s what she said” Nick laughs and runs away.

“SHUT UP NICK” Matt screams and chases after him.

“Well thanks for watching the video! Give it 100k likes for a part 2!” I say.

“NO NEVER” I hear them all scream.

⭑ ⋆ ⭑ ⋆ ⭑ ⋆ ⭑ ⋆ ⭑ ⋆

I actually want them to do this video so bad 🙈

[definitelynotabirthblog]

A School Birth

This is a story I've been working on for a few days now. While the birthing character is a school girl, she is still intended to be aged 18. I hope you enjoy it.

---------------------------

"Jessica Bailey, is that you? Jessica, you've not been seen since third period. What on earth is going on? Jessica - Jess?"

James hurried into the empty classroom and found the sobbing girl crouched on all fours in the corner, half hidden by a desk. Her flushed, terrified face gazed as him as she rocked back and forth, her school uniform drenched in sweat. Her legs were bare but her shoes and tights were nowhere to be seen. There was puddles and splatters of liquid all over the floor and her belongings had been flung to the side, the contents of her bag spilling out.

He had hurried into the room presuming a telling off and possibly a detention for sneaking away from class would be all he would need to give, but he had chanced upon a scene he could not have expected. The girl was clearly incredibly distressed, her tear-streaked eyes pleading for help.

He half jogged over to her and squatted down by her shoulders. She flinched when he touched her.

"Jess, what is it? Why are you screaming?"

"Oooooh! Oooooh!" she shrieked, rocking her hips slowly. Her breathing was coming in quick, shallow breaths, as though she was hyperventilating.

He noticed blood had pebbledashed her calves as she hunched over and wondered it she was menstruating.

"Jess, did you get your period? Is that what hurts?" he asked, silently thinking that this charade was a bit of an over reaction for a period.

As her breathing eased, she shook her head, tears still falling down her cheeks.

"Jess, sweetheart, if it's not your period, then what on earth is it?"

Jess continued to cry, shaking her head desperately.

"Jessica, sit up. I can't help you if you don't tell me what is wrong. Come on now." Starting to feel frustrated, he took her arm and tried to ease her into a sitting position. Reluctantly, she forced her body to stay upright, clutching the desk for support.

"That's better. Now tell me what the matter is. I can see you're in a lot of pain." He rubbed her arm reassuringly.

Jess burst into fresh floods of tears. However, at this angle he could get a better look at her. She hadn't been in any of his classes this year so he hadn't spent much time with her recently. As he assessed the situation, his eyes moved down to her school shirt. She had always been a slender girl so why was it fitting her so tightly all of a sudden? And, as she was normally as flat as a pancake, why was her belly stuck out so much? With a jolt of realisation, as suddenly as someone had turned on light switch, he put the blood on her legs, her bellows of pain that he had heard from another building and the puddles of liquid on the flood together with her round belly and found a single question forming on his lips.

"Jess, are you pregnant?"

Screwing her face up in pain as another pain overwhelmed her, she nodded and got back down onto her hands and knees, where she began rocking her way through the contraction. "Arghhhhhh!"

Panicking, he felt for his phone in his trouser pocket. He stomach sank as he realised he had left his phone in his own classroom when he came to investigate. No one ever came in this building now, not since the new building opened in September so the chances of someone else coming across the scene was low.

"Can you feel baby coming now?"

She nodded again, her breaths ragged between her cries.

"Okay... okay... you're okay, it's alright, I'm here," he said, more to reassure himself than her. Trying to not spiral into panic, he thought back to his only experience of childbirth, his own childrens' births. His wife refused to let him be down at the business end so he spent most of those days rubbing her back and having his hand squeezed. He looked at Jess now, her body close to convulsing with pain, the sound of fluid dripping onto the floor between her shaking legs and knew he had had to act. It was time to play midwife.

"I need to take a look at you, just to see if I can see anything, Jess. Do you mind if I lift your skirt up?" he asked hesitantly.

Too deep in her own world as the pain overcame her, Jess barely heard him and could not respond. Acknowledging that a baby was coming within a matter of minutes, he got up and repositioned himself so he was kneeling directly behind her and gently lifted up her skirt. Between her two pale buttocks, he saw her brownish-pink asshole which bulged with the pressure of her baby's head in her rectum. Beneath her stretched perenium, the inch-wide, dark patch of her newborn's head was slowly forcing its way out of her body. More fluid spurted from under the head onto the floor between her legs as the contraction peaked.

"Shit, shit, shit," he whispered, quickly taking off his jacket and putting it between her knees. He thought back to his youngest son's birth, scrambling for anything in his memory of it which might help now. As the contraction tailed off, her breathing eased again.

"Jess?"

"W-what?" she panted.

"I can see baby's head. Erm, when the next pain comes, I want you to push as hard as you can, alright?"

"I didn't realise it was going to hurt so much!" she whispered, her voice cracking.

"I know it hurts, sweetheart. But you've done so well already and I promise I'm going to do my best to help you have this baby safely," he reassured her.

As the next contraction pulled Jess back into her world of pain, she bore down. The noises coming out of her mouth, raw and primal, could only be described as roars as, inch by torturous inch, the baby came slowly out of her body. As the head emerged further, her labia stretching more with each push, James had a flashback to something the midwife told his wife as she was about to crown.

"Jess, instead of pushing, can you just try to blow for me. Like you're blowing out candles. Like this - hooo, hooo, hooo," he demonstrated.

"Hooo, hooo, hooo, hooo," Jess breathed.

The head descended futher, swirls of wet hair now visible on the infant's head.

"Good girl, Jess!"

"Hooo, hooo, hooo, hooo... Arghhhhhh!" she screamed, the widest part of the head of now slipping out of her vagina. "Oh god, it burns!"

"Just keep breathing for me."

Finally, the whole head popped out with another splash of fluid.

"The head's out! I'm ready to catch, okay?" He carefully balanced the head in his hands. Seconds later, the baby turned so it was facing Jess's left thigh. Another contraction came and she started to push, grunting and groaning. The first shoulder slid out closely followed by the second as he carefully supported the slippery body. The rest of the baby then dropped into his arms with a gush of fluid. The baby cried lustily, feeling fresh air on its body for the first time.

"Jess... Jess... you did it. It's okay," he said, looking down at the squirming infant. Jess could only cry in relief, as she crouched on her hands and knees.

James lowered the baby down on his jacket between Jess's legs.

"I'm bringing the baby through your legs, okay?"

He pushed the screaming infant through its mother's legs. Using the desk leg to support herself up into a sitting position, she pulled her firstborn from between her thighs and up to her chest. James repositioned himself so he was knelt by Jess's side, where he found himself putting his arm around her shoulders.

'My word, Jess Bailey, you've lead us a merry dance today!" he exclaimed.

[turcott3]

goes without saying

matt rempe x fem! reader

warnings?: cursing, fluff, talks of anxiety, kissing

masterlist

-

“thanks mom.” you say hopping out of the car.

“now let’s hope he shows up huh?” she teases, waving to you as you walked to your ballet studio. it was being your boyfriend to class day, except you didn’t have a boyfriend. so you invited the next best thing, your highschool best guy friend. whom you’d also had a major crush on for the last few years.

you asked him to come, which he agreed, but said he’d have to come straight after his post practice shower and who knows how long that could be. and he was your ride home.

you stood awkwardly in class as everyone chatted with their boyfriends, one of your class friends included. you checked your apple watch a few times hoping for a text or something and your anxiety only grew as you got nothing. a few minutes later class had begun and you sighed. knowing you’d have to be standing in the back practicing something else, since this week was all about lifts for big performances, being in class was almost something you dreaded these days. ballet being something you love while also tearing you apart. you began warm ups at the barre as normal, still holding out hope that he would come. you continued your warm up, making it all the way through barre and out into center, eventually accepting that he wasn’t gonna show, before the door creeped open, matt peering in to make sure he was in the right place, smiling once his eyes landed on you.

“so sorry i’m late ma’am, lot of traffic.” he smiles at your teacher as he joins you by your side.

“i heard you play hockey? and you were coming here after practice.”

“yes maam.”

“well good, means you’re still nice and warm. when did you two get together, i feel like i’ve never seen you together.” she teases, him taking it extremely well as he dropped an arm over your shoulder.

“well, i don’t really think there’s a date, we were friends and then suddenly we just knew we were more than that. and now here we are.” he replies and your heart jolts in your chest.

he made up that lie on the spot, to spare you the embarrassment. you shook it off knowing you were never actually more than that, even if you maybe have thought at some points you were.

“thank you for coming, i was so nervous to be the only person without a partner.”

“come on y/n, i told you i’d be here. i’ll always show up.” he giggles.

“alright now that we have everyone we can begin our simple lifts.” your teacher states. you were nervous because you had never done partner lifts before, and matt is 6 foot 7.

“oooooh i’m lifting you.” he teases.

“i’ve never done lifts before, im scared.”

“you know i’d never drop you.”

“i know, i know.” you said grabbing comfortably on his arm.

this class was not going to help your feelings toward him at all. you’ve had a crush on him for quite sometime and now he’s gonna have his hands planted on you for at least the next hour. the two of you stood and listened, soaking in the instructions of a simple lift. simply picking you up and holding your chest in line with his forehead, to get a feel for how the rest of class will go.

with ease, he picks you up, chest to eye level.

“don’t be looking.” you smile.

“i am respectfully looking because your black leotard is all i can see.” he says, practically feeling the vibrations of his voice on your ribcage.

“now if you’re feeling frisky, hold her up higher.” you teacher suggests, matt instantly boosting you up above his head like simba in the lion king.

“holy shit.” you yelp, grabbing harshly onto his arms.

“relax, everything is gonna be fine.” he giggles, bringing you to him as he brought you back down, standing flush against his chest.

“alright now let’s try holding her above your head like you’ve just done, but with her in arabesque. your one hand will grab hold of her thigh and the other on the hip somewhere between the bottom of her ribcage and her hip bone.” your teacher says.

“which leg do you like?” he asks, asking great questions.

“right.” you said, lifting your right leg off the ground, his hand softly cupping underneath.

“this feel okay?” he asks, referring to the hand holding your inner thigh.

“yes, it feels good.” you nod as he places his other hand on your hip.

“okay, are you ready?” he asks and you agree, him steadily lifting you off the ground. you found yourself in the position high above his head, adjusting your position to be more comfortable. you began to shake in discomfort, him dropping you slightly but instantly catching you, a giggle leaving his lips as the teachers voice rose again, his arm placing delicately around your waist, his hand rested gently on your hip. in response, you rested your hand on top of his, giving his hand a light squeeze.

by the time class was nearly over, you became more comfortable with him picking you up. the last lift you tried being the riskiest, you still trusted him, catching you every time you began to fall.

this class was not helping your case.

“now let’s come center for reverence.” your teacher says, matt placing you carefully back on the floor.

“i am not graceful at all.” he mumbles as you both followed her curtsy.

“this is why you don’t do ballet matt.” you giggle, concluding your class. matt began to walk away before you grabbed his hand, pulling you up close to the teacher and thanking her.

“oh uh, thank you for having me maam, i had a lot of fun.”

“well thank you for coming! i don’t think i’ve ever seen y/n smile this much during class. keep it up matt, you seem to be good for her.” she smiles, thank you both for attending before you exit the building out to matt’s car.

“im sorry again for being late.” he says, taking your bag from you and tossing it in his back seat.”

“it’s okay, i’m just glad you came.” you replied as you both sat in his car.

“i had a lot of fun.” he smiles.

“you know, you didn’t have to lie to her about us being together. you didn’t have to spare my embarrassment.”

“well i said it because i wanted to, not just to spare you.” he says pulling out of the parking lot.

“what do you- what do you mean?” you ask, spiraling.

“i guess that was me trying to make it known that i really fucking like you, and i was excited when you asked me to come do this with you.” he replies. you reach for his hand that rested on his thigh and moved it to your lap, intertwining your fingers as you smiled to yourself, his thumb brushing softly back and forth on the back of your hand.

“i like you a lot too matt.” you say, looking at his perfect side profile.

“glad we’re in the same page.” he giggles, bringing your conjoined hands to his lips, pressing a sweet kiss to the back of your hand. a blush burned on your face as he returned your hands to yourself lap.

“what a relief.” you giggle, giving his hand a little squeeze which he returned.

“do you really not ever smile that much in class?” he asks genuinely.

“well not really, i don’t really feel as close to my classmates and stuff. i don’t know, it’s stupid.”

“no no y/n, it’s not stupid. i get it. well if you want, and if you can, how about i come pick you up after your class every week and i take us out to eat? yeah? anything to keep you smiling.” he offers kindly.

“i mean, that would definitely be okay with me.” you reply.

everything he was doing made your heart leap in your chest, knowing now how much he really cared for you.

“do you wanna come over?” you ask abruptly.

“like tonight?” he asks, pulling to a stop at the restaurant you’d agreed to eat at the day prior, it being both of your favorite restaurant.

“yeah, like do you wanna stay over? listen i’m trying to be bold, i don’t really know if it’s working.” you giggle nervously. smoothly, he closes the gap between you, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“it’s working.” he smiles, pecking your lips one more time before you both get out of the car.

you spent the dinner gushing over each other, adoring how much he spoke lovingly of his family. the closer you got, the more your feelings grew for the boy.

“matt you don’t have to pay for me.” you say lowly, the server asking how to do the check.

“i’m paying for it, sorry for the confusion maam.” he says to the server, turning his head back to you as he walked away.

“why are you paying for me?” you ask sternly.

“because this is a date isn’t it? it wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me to not pay.” he giggles, signaling for you to take his hands in the table, much to your dismay, you found your hands rested in his large ones.

“let me take care of you. i know you aren’t doing the best right now y/n. i may be a man, but i’m not blind, especially when i see a girl i really fucking care about struggling, okay?” he says firmly, sighing with contentment as he finished his sentence.

“okay.” you reply softly, letting go of his hands as the server returned with the check.

-

“you really are letting this thing get to you huh?” he asks as you lay on his chest, tracing circles on his skin as you cuddled innocently, both in your pajamas ready to sleep for the night.

“yeah i guess i am.” you reply, telling him about how torn you were about ballet.

“well how about this, you tell me when your next performance is, i will be there front row to watch you. i want you to keep going pretty girl, i just know you’re incredible. i wanna help you.” he says, running his gentle fingers up and down your back.

“thank you matt. i think just from class today that’s a big stride.” you giggle.

“i hope so.”

“anyways, why don’t we talk about something other than me before we go to sleep.”

“well why would i want to, i could listen to it all day.” he teases, a hint of genuineness behind his teasing tone.

“no, it’s selfish.” you giggle. the two of you spent the rest of the night talking about hockey, giggling over your favorite movies and shows and him listening to your college gossip. all stuff he didn’t know about but loved to hear anyway.

“i think it’s about time we go to sleep y/n.” he giggles after hours of chatting lovingly with you.

“yeah i guess your right.”

“but i can’t let you go to sleep like this.” he replies and you cock your eyebrow. he pulls himself away from you, laying on his side to face you.

“i have a question.” he says and your stomach drops.

“okay?”

“would you wanna maybe fall asleep tonight and wake up tomorrow, and like maybe spend forever and more as my girlfriend?” he smiles slowly as the words left his lips.

“yes matt, i would love to.” you giggle, your hands cupping his cheeks.

“sorry if that was tacky, i didn’t wanna be basic.” he giggles, pulling you toward him.

“it was perfect, thank you m’love.” you say pulling his lips to yours anxiously.

“anytime. now you better keep a smile on your face from now on, and i mean it. if you have any problems just come to me, you know i would never in a million years judge you, and also, i would love to come to ballet class again, it was a lot of fun.” he says resting his head on top of yours.

“i will matt, i promise you. and i will definitely let you know, who knows you may be the next big thing.”

“well i know i have a b-“

“now is not the time for a dirty joke asshole.” you giggle smacking him on the arm.

“i mean after all i AM just a man okay? dirty mind and all.” he scoffs.

“and it doesn’t change a single thing i feel for you.” you laugh as he kisses you one last time before you both drift off to sleep.