#oooft i’m fine

[kkpwnall]

🔀 and Steddie because I am hopeless 🫡

hiiiii annnnna!!! if you’re hopeless i’m a lost cause!! thanks for sending this ask, friend!!

While you go get another drink I think of ways to tell you I'm fine One more vodka soda then you'll never even know that I'm lying I used to wonder why You never said goodbye But now you're off my mind

oooft this one's a doozy and just reeks of denial!!

so what if a spicy little steddie friends with benefits au? one where steve and eddie end up in the same city together (either indianapolis or chicago), and steve's figured out he's bisexual but he's never been with a guy before and he wants to know what it's like.

who better to figure it out with than eddie? he’s got experience, he can show him the ropes, and steve can trust him. and because they're just friends, there's no chance of one of them developing romantic feelings for the other, right? especially if they set out ground rules from the beginning. neither one of them are looking for a relationship.....

but of course, it happens. steve starts to have feelings for eddie. probably did from the beginning if he's being honest with himself (which he's not). probably a lot longer than that. but when he finally figures it out, he doesn't want another relationship that's just meaningless sex. he knows the feelings he has for eddie are real, just like he knows eddie doesn't feel the same way. they both just wanted something casual.

meanwhile eddie has never thought he was worth more than a quick fuck. fun for a hookup, but ultimately too much. he's not someone people stick around for and commit to. he convinces himself he doesn't want a relationship, with anyone. even steve. especially steve. especially because he's been crushing on him for years. but it's cool, he can do casual. he can absolutely separate his feelings from something as easy and meaningless as sex. it's called compartmentalization, thank you very much.

but the thing is, they work. on the streets and in the sheets. they were never exclusive, but they both basically acted like they were.

steve breaks things off (maybe during sex for maximum ouchies. it’s just that eddie is being so sweet with him, holding him like he’s something precious and steve can’t take it anymore. he can’t take a single more second of this tender affection or he’s going to explode and not in the fun way. he’s going to do something stupid like tell eddie exactly how he feels).

so steve breaks things off and shows up at their favorite bar with a new girl on his arm right after their breakup, and it hurts more than eddie ever thought it would so he gets the hell out of dodge that very night.

steve keeps unconsciously looking for eddie everywhere he goes, expecting him to be just around the next corner, expecting eddie to just be there at all their usual haunts, as one does after a breakup. but it's not even a breakup! they were never really together! it's fine, he's fine, he's not even thinking about him.

but eddie's gone to california, and he didn't tell anyone. certainly not steve. not until he shows up on argyle and jonathan's doorstep with all his worldly possessions packed in his beat up old van and asks if he could crash for a while.

eventually steve hears about eddie through the grapevine, and it shocks him to his core that eddie dropped everything, dropped his job, his friends, his steve, and just left like that without even saying goodbye. he stops himself from calling eddie all the time, definitely doesn't think about the things they did together that had nothing to do with sex. about the feelings he thought would go away once he broke things off.

and he finally realizes his mistake. he finally realizes what a colossal idiot he was for letting the best relationship of his life slip through his fingers. for breaking things off and then being upset about eddie not sticking around to deal with the fallout with him, gah he's such a hypocrite!

so in the summer of 1990-whatever, he finally gets all his ducks in a row, packs up his own car, and heads out to california himself. chasing the sun to try and get eddie back in his life, however he'll have him.

send me a 🔀 and a pairing and i'll make up a little au

[pegasus-ghost]

Oooft… Has it seriously been 3 month since I last update here?

I’m still alive.

Don’t worry. I’m fine.

Not much happened and a lot happened at the same time. I don’t know how to keep them short other than stating that I’m worried for my faith.

Especially now. When the whole Palestine vs Israel war is escalating fast and getting extremely close to dangerous territory of the promised war of Islam vs Kafir where people predicted were to happen in 2024.

I think I’m ready. I don’t know. But I have faith in Allah’s promises in the Quran and Hadith that Islam WILL win this war.

And I WANT to help. I want to die protecting my faith.

But the thing is right now I’m struggling with feeling whether or not I am worthy enough of a Muslim and believer for Allah to even consider me to join and die with heaven promised for me. I’m still working on my faith and Iman. I try my best to maintain my prayers, pay my zakat, donate to charity and be good and helpful to my family and the people around me.

But I don’t know if that’s enough. Sigh. Heaven is expensive. Crazy expensive.

For now I can only do my best and what I can to fix my faith.

And it’s NOT easy.

But I keep having this strong urge to donate like ALL of my gold savings for the war if the war with the kafirs are really happening one day. I want them all gone for akhirat, for Allah’s blessings, to help Islam win against the laknatullah kafirs.

Enough is enough.

Ya Rabb, please… please strengthen my faith and choose me to be worthy to die for your heaven, regardless whether or not I die participating in the war or not, please choose me to die with Imaan.

Please. I beg you Ya Rabbi.

Please. Please. Please. Please . Please.

Please help liberate your servants from the Palestine war and give the Zionist Israelis the worst hell.

Ameen. Ameen. Ameen.

[incoherentbabblings]

Take Back the Cake, Burn the Shoes, and Boil the Rice (6/11)

Within two months there have been two murders of Gotham newlyweds moments after the ceremony. The only connecting factor was both brides wore the same designer’s work. Needing to establish who exactly is behind the crimes, Bruce enlists Tim and Stephanie to have the biggest wedding Gotham high society has seen in decades, putting a target on their heads not just for the killer, but Gotham society too. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

Ao3 Link Here!

There was something unbearably tender about waking up next to Tim, so much so that Stephanie buried herself back under the sheets in a foetal position until he would leave the room. She repeated this process for every night after patrol, when they collapsed into bed together. Tim had taken to resting on her stomach, even under the sheets, apparently deciding her belly was the comfiest cushion in the world. Stephanie, unable to help herself, would stroke his hair as if he were a cat. He would consistently nod off and wake first, she only ever a few moments after him.

This morning, she felt him rest over her, creating a little bridge over her lumpy form.

It was weird how quickly they had settled into a routine. But they hadn’t quite crossed the bridge yet. They were stuck somewhere halfway, Stephanie’s foot caught in the metaphorical wooden planks. Alone, it was real, in public it was fake. And Stephanie didn’t believe it would continue once the façade had collapsed.

She had not allowed anything more than a kiss on the cheek in private. That day had been difficult and traumatic, and she was trying to comfort Tim. That was all, she told herself. She wasn’t going to play his game.

Continuing their public appearances, they had gone on one coffee date at the college campus, which had consisted of her doing actual work, and Tim redrafting a report for his new community project for the tenth time. It was nice, even with Tim playing footsie with her. They’d sat indoors, but still in sight of the main street, and sure enough when she checked twitter there and then, she saw posts of herself sat at the table enjoying a vanilla hot chocolate.

Mrs van Rijk was entering full manic mode, giving hourly updates to the status of everything Tim and Stephanie could ever not give a hoot about.

“How do you feel about birds…?” Mrs van Rijk had asked last night over the phone. Stephanie had the phone held out in front of them. Somehow, she had ended up pressed against Tim’s chest as they – for a lack of a better term – cuddled on the sofa. Stephanie had swallowed, throat dry, as she reluctantly asked a question in return.

“Like… decorative… birds?”

“No, no. Real ones.”

Stephanie felt like punching Tim and his pinched face as he struggled not to laugh.

Madness.

Back in the bed, Tim rested his cheek on her shoulder, the bed sheet providing the only barrier to the casual intimacy.

“Gotta go to work.” Tim managed to twist his fingers around her exposed hair. “Good luck with the designer today.”

“Mmmkay.” She muttered, shifting a little. She poked her eyes above the duvet, to see Tim was fully dressed in a sharp suit. “Bye, handsome.” She teased, voice rough with sleep.

She then moved back under the sheets, as she sensed Tim would have kissed her on the forehead if she had remained where she was. She realised her little compliment was a mistake the moment she said it.

It seemed Tim did not mind, as he rocked her from side to side playfully.

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, beautiful.”

She tried not to blush. Tim didn’t compliment her appearance much. Steph was Steph and she was perfectly fine no matter what. The casualness of his flirting was both uplifting and mortifying. She had failed to lay down boundaries, and Tim, little weasel that he was, had wriggled his way past them in ways she did not know how to handle.

Last night she had dreamt of something that she would confess to nobody, not even her diary.

Flipping bastard and his dumb hair… and good teeth and pretty hands… long fingers…

Nope. She shook herself, banging her head against the mattress. Nope nope nope.

When they were younger, and when they used to actually get the time to neck like proper teenagers, Tim had a (great) habit of biting and sucking on a part of her neck that would make her shiver in all the good ways. She hadn’t thought about it in a long time, but it seemed her subconscious had not forgotten. Nor had it forgotten how worked up he could make her when the right mood struck him. Stephanie rubbed her ankles together.

Into the vault that dream went.

She still felt her cheeks were warm when she arrived at Rebecca’s apartment. She was alone this time, and had one job: get her hands on Rebecca’s phone.

Easy. Considering it never left the woman’s back pocket or ear.

“Tell me about him.” Rebecca asked, pinning the fabric at Stephanie’s waist a little tighter. As dresses went it was still barebones in structure. No sleeves, and the skirt was not attached to the bodice. Well, Stephanie assumed it was the skirt. At the moment, it just looked like a mountain of netting and taffeta on a desk.

“Tim?”

“Mmm! I always like to hear about the couples.” She snorted a little bitterly. “Let’s me live vicariously through them.”

“You want to get married?”

“To the person I love? More than anything... Like I said, I have to live vicariously through my brides.” She backed off, thick rimmed glasses sitting either on her face as she worked closely on details or up on her head as she looked at the rough fit from a distance. “Tell me about Mr Wayne.”

“Uhh, oopf.” Stephanie struggled to gather her thoughts. “I...we met when he was fourteen and I was fifteen. I was having an argument with my dad… and Tim literally crashed into me. His hair was overly spiky, and he looked like a freshly slapped baby.” She laughed, for the first time in a while, at the thought of that night. “And… we didn’t spend a lot of time alone, but then he hunted me down, little stalker that he was. And then I couldn’t leave him alone after that.” Sighing, Stephanie shut her eyes and let Rebecca do her work.

“When did you know… that you loved each other?”

“I...” Difficult question. “I… don’t know if it’s spread everywhere now, but I had a baby, when I was fifteen.” Rebecca flashed her a look, and Stephanie tried to gather herself. “I found out less than a week after Tim and I started dating. And when I told him, I was so flippant. ‘Cause it was obvious right? He wouldn’t stay with me? And why would he? We’d been on only one date at that point. Nobody would expect a fourteen-year-old to stick with something like that… but he did. And he helped me beyond explanation. For so long I didn’t understand why, but I guess in that moment, for me, it was then.”

“And Tim?”

“Oooft. I don’t know for Tim. He had to leave Gotham for a bit… after the quake… he told me constantly how hard it was for him. I didn’t believe him though until he was having an argument with Bruce, and he blurted it out. The L word that is. That was a shock to my system.”

Rebecca was stitching something along Stephanie’s neck, and Stephanie could feel the hot breath brush over her. Occasionally the needle felt uncomfortably close to piercing through her skin.

“But you weren’t together all the time until now?”

“…No.” She struggled on how to word it. “Everything with his dad… and I had to leave… and then you’re not the same person you were five years ago and you’re tiptoeing around everything…” She sighed sadly, speaking nothing but the truth. “But I don’t want anyone else. I don’t feel safer anywhere than with him.”

The needle finally pierced Stephanie’s neck as Rebecca’s fingers stumbled. Stephanie hissed, losing her footing. She managed to catch herself by gripping to Rebecca’s waist, who seemed mortified at her blunder.

“I’m so sorry! Let me see?”

Being a needle prick, there was no blood to ruin the white fabric. Rebecca huffed and Stephanie laughed uncomfortably.

“No worries. I do it enough to myself when I sew.” Slowly, trying to be discrete, Stephanie let go of Rebecca’s waist, fingers drifting over the mobile which was peaking out of the designer’s cardigan pocket.

There. Done. Fancy schmancy tech implanted. The rest was in Bruce’s hands, and Stephanie could relax a little.

“Mm. Sorry. Back on the stand and back on topic…”

The rest of the fitting passed without issue. Stephanie blabbed about Tim, though left some moments out. No-one, not her mother, not Cassandra, not Bruce or Babs, would know about their date after her father had died. That was for them and them alone. She was very protective of those moments, and potential murderers were certainly not allowed to know of them.

It may have made her and Tim’s relationship seem shallower than reality, but Stephanie didn’t care. She truly believed Tim held them close to, and wouldn’t have wanted them shared.

She was requested to return for another fitting the next week, for fine tuning. Then one more after that, and then it was the day of the wedding, whereupon Ms Andrews would bring the dress on the day, make any last second adjustments, and attend the wedding, with a plus one if she wished.

“No…” She had said. “I try to keep my work and private life separate. I’ll go alone. To see you in the dress… that’s good enough for me.”

Stephanie had only nodded, given her thanks, then left. Rebecca’s phone had rung twice during the sessions, the second of which had Rebecca shiver with fright. More and more Stephanie began to pity the woman. As a result, suggested changes that Rebecca made Stephanie acquiesced to with little argument. The lace became less fine, and more bohemian, and the skirt, if possible, became even longer.

Back at college, Jordanna had moved from being her bodyguard to being a gnat.

“Do you read the comments? On you and Tim’s Instagrams?”

“I try not to.” Stephanie uttered, taking a large bite of her lunch.

“Good. Boy, I spend hours going through them. Some real nasty people out there. I’m surprised you haven’t turned off comments actually, considering what people write.” Stephanie shot Jordanna a look. Jordanna continued, ignorant of her discomfort. “Some of the name calling… oh man.”

Glutton for punishment that she was, Stephanie swallowed dryly. “What… what do they call me?”

“Never you mind.” And Stephanie got slapped on the chin, teeth jangling against each other. “And even if you were a whore, I’d still hang out with you.”

It seemed Stephanie’s expression finally sparked some level of compassion in Jordanna, who swiftly realised she’d spoken out of turn. “Most people like you though. Honest.”

“…I’m going to go now.”

“Aw come one Stephanie… it’s just weirdos online.”

“Bye Jordanna.”

She ended up driving her little purple car back to Wayne Tower again, for reasons unknown to herself. She poked her nose out at the security guard, this one a different guy to the one who had immediately let her and Cassandra in the other day, but he soon let her through when he saw her id. Someone met her in the main lobby, getting her through the gates and into the elevator. He seemed nice, whoever he was, but Stephanie didn’t miss how his smile slipped off his face in the very last moment right before the doors shut.

She tried not to shiver at how cold he looked.

These people didn’t know her, Stephanie tried to tell herself. That was all. It was hard to be kind to something you didn’t know or understand.

Tim loved her. Cassandra loved her. Babs loved her. Kara loved her. Bruce…Bruce loved her.

Stephanie tried to convince herself that they were the opinions that counted. And she had managed just fine before they’d even liked her.

That didn’t mean it didn’t still fucking hurt when people put her down.

Tim was waiting for her again when the elevator doors opened, face more than a little curious, but he relaxed when he saw she wasn’t in tears this time.

She hugged him regardless, breathing in his cologne to try and refocus. Tim gave a muffled laugh and nuzzled into her hair. He’d been flying on cloud nine for a couple of days now, having somebody he loved who loved him back in his arms (in his bed). Tim knew he was being a little possessive, but he was just thankful to have Stephanie’s warmth back in his life, with this time round no chance for Bruce to spoil it. He was trying to have something just for himself. He could be selfish? Right? So long as Steph was willing to be selfish too. Although that bit was certainly a work in progress. How to convince a selfless person to be selfish. A question for the philosophers perhaps.

“All good?” He asked, noticing that she wasn’t entirely relaxed.

Abruptly, to avoid talking about why she had actually come, she conjured a reason to visit.

“Can I see Bruce? I had my fitting this morning.”

“Yeah, sure. Just… can I introduce you to some people first?”

“Oh? Yeah, happy to.”

“Just my p.a.”

“You have one of those?”

“Yup.” He nudged her, as they began walking down to the open office. “There was also a board meeting today. They’re all invited to the wedding– which… yeah – so –”

“Makes sense to at least say hi. Sure, sure.”

She clung once more to Tim’s arm, feeling underdressed to meet some of the most important people in Gotham. Black trousers and converse, she at the very least was wearing a floaty top rather than a sweatshirt.

The p.a. was nice, a lady in her fifties who seemed supremely good at her job and didn’t care who knew it. Mrs Blackwell, Stephanie reminded herself.

“We were all surprised by this, that’s all.” She spoke, sitting primly on the edge of her desk. Stephanie noticed that Tim tensed, like he had been on the receiving end of this conversation before. “We honestly thought… well with how things went with Tam and –”

Tim coughed loudly. “That was just… I was only seventeen.”

Mrs Blackwell peered at Tim. “And what a difference three years makes! Glad to see Tim hasn’t totally forsaken the average people of Gotham for high flying friends.”

Something about that phrase seemed to make Tim very, very, uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that Stephanie likely spoke out of turn to give Tim a moment to collect himself.

“He won’t.” She pushed. “And he doesn’t need me to remind him of that fact.”

Tim wouldn’t give up the costume. Not now. Once, she had known of his conflict. How much he resented Bruce for messing with his head. Making him doubt, making him mistrust. Making him forget there was a life outside of the suit. She had played her part in that, as much as she now regretted it, she knew now the only way Tim would ever stop helping the people of Gotham was when his heart stopped. Stephanie had silently promised herself that she would try to ensure it continued beating for a long time.

“Stephanie’s not average.” Tim choked out. It was a weird part of Mrs Blackwell’s statement to take umbrage to, but Stephanie appreciated it all the same.

“Good response.” Mrs Blackwell teased. She looked over her shoulder, down the office. “There’s still four board members hanging around in room twelve-fifteen if you want to catch them. Believe Mr Wayne is still with them. And Mr Fox.”

A cheeky glint made Tim turn – impossibly – paler. Stephanie didn’t quite understand. Lucius had always been nothing but nice as far as she knew. Was this still about Tam? She didn’t really know what had happened there. Tam had gone to look for him when he was off being Mr Brooding with Mr Al Ghul, they had dated for a bit when they had returned to Gotham, gotten engaged… Which Stephanie knew was just because Vicki Vale was the most flustering person on the planet and Tam had panicked trying to cover for Tim… not that it had stopped Stephanie’s stomach from dropping out her butt and becoming intensely jealous when she had no right to be. She had felt the same when she had first returned and Tim was dating Zoanne. She couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stand the thought of Tim being happy with another girl. She had flirted when she shouldn’t have. In her head, it meant that he had moved on, never really mourned her. Maybe she was too possessive over him.

It wasn’t logical, and she had no right at the time to feel what she did, but she wanted Tim with her, hypocrite that she was. It was just another thing she disliked about herself. Tim deserved to be with whomever made him happy. Simple as. Somehow, he’d convinced himself that she was that person again, but he’d soon wake up and remember what she’d done to him, how self-absorbed she could be.

Stephanie didn’t know why Tim and Tam had broken up, but she suspected it had something to do about Lucius’ public death being faked.

Funny how that sort of thing didn’t do well for relationships.

Tim wasn’t fickle…that wasn’t the right word, but he could change his mind very quickly, regardless of the consequences or who was left behind afterwards.

As Tim led Steph to the board room, she couldn’t help whisper, “You still work with Tam right?”

“…Yeah…”

“She still mad at you?” She tried to tease gently, but her tone didn’t quite match her intention.

Tim only glanced at her and grunted, pulling the door open for her to walk through first. Bruce was seemingly fast asleep on one of the chairs, the other four board members, one woman, three men, were chatting quietly amongst themselves whilst the CEO slept. Lucius was the first to notice that the pair had entered.

“Oh!” He exclaimed. Bruce opened one eye, eyebrows twitching when he saw who it was. Lucius made his way forward with a hand for Stephanie to shake. “Miss Brown! You came to visit?”

Stephanie breathed a relieved sigh, and smiled. There were three friendly faces in this room, so that was manageable.

“Yes,” She said, shaking Lucius’ hand in what she hoped was a confident manner. “Finished with college for the day.”

“She had a fitting this morning, for the dress.” Tim gushed, and Stephanie smiled shyly.

That caught the lady’s attention. She had moved to a refreshments table, grabbing them both a drink of water. “Tell me about that.” She encouraged, wrapping an overly friendly arm around Stephanie and pulling her down next to Bruce, who smiled somewhat encouragingly at her. The other two men went to speak to Tim, not really pretending to be interested. One of them bumped past Stephanie as if she was in the way.

“Stephanie, this is Theresa Song.” Bruce explained. “She started here before I was born.”

“I was only sixteen, but back then, you joined a company and worked your way up the old-fashioned way.” She laughed, and Bruce returned to closing his eyes. Stephanie took it as a sign that this woman was safe.

“I wish it was still like that.”

“Oh yes, but that’s what our employee programmes and scholarships are for. I hear you help out at Dr Thompkins clinic.”

Stephanie glugged water. “Leslie? Yes, she looked after me for a while, I do what I can to pay her back. Not that I ever can…really… But yeah, I try to do Friday evenings.”

“That’s good! College, volunteering…”

“Part time job at the library too. Oh, that is a lot.” That plus the night work. “I have…I have had to defer college for a bit… going part time for the moment. At least until this wedding stuff is done.”

Theresa shrugged. “Whatever needs doing right?” She looked back at Bruce, kicking his chair. The seat swung round, and Bruce just hummed in affirmation, eyes still closed.

Theresa made a disgruntled noise, then shouted across the room. “Timothy!”

Tim bumbled over as the two other men left. Stephanie didn’t miss the sideways glances at her. One looked like he was leering. When Tim got close enough, she reached up for his hand. He began to play with her fingers, rubbing her knuckles in a way she used to like.

“Hey, Theresa.”

“Where on Earth did you two meet?”

“Just… ran into each other in town.” Tim perched himself on the glass table.

“You literally crashed into me.” Stephanie chirped, not missing Bruce’s lip twitch.

“You must be so proud, Bruce. All these people finding their way to you despite adverse circumstances. I mean, Stephanie, your parents... And your pregnancy, and I heard about what you went through during the gang war... Terrible stuff you’ve had to overcome. Thank goodness for Bruce, right?”

At that Bruce opened his eyes and stood up. “I think Stephanie would have done just fine without me, to be honest. I didn’t help much.”

“Mm.” And she turned back to Stephanie, noting that Bruce was ending the conversation. “All the best to you both.”

“Thank you.” Stephanie uttered, feeling Tim acting like a block of ice behind her. “Bruce? Can I have a quick word?”

“Of course.”

And then Theresa left. Only Mr Fox remained, having been listening in.

“She seemed... nice.” Stephanie tried to sound positive.

“Oh, she is.” Said Lucius, who then joined the trio at the table. “Until you’re on the other side of her on the voting panel, then she’s a beast.”

Tim snorted, and Bruce poured himself another glass of water.

“The tech for the phone is working, I got the information I needed.”

Stephanie started at Bruce talking so openly about the mission, but she supposed Lucius must have provided said tech in the first place.

“How’d you get on her phone anyway? You said it’s never out of sight?” Tim asked, collapsing into the chair Theresa had been occupying.

Stephanie rubbed her neck. “She stabbed me with a sewing needle. Made me stumble.”

“Intentionally stabbed you?”

“Heh. No. I said something which I think upset her, her fingers slipped.”

“What?”

Tim watched Stephanie’s face grow red from embarrassment.

“You… it… She was asking about our relationship. She asked me about why we loved each other…I said…” She looked at her feet. “I said that I felt safe with you.” She practically vomited the words out, quick, slurred and quiet. However, Bruce heard it all the same, and ignored the blinding smile that Tim gave.

Lucius watched Tim’s face, then tutted quietly to himself. Bruce meanwhile focused on the mission.

“I’m going to find this boyfriend tonight. Investigate his living circumstances, his employment history, all of it. I don’t know how deep she’s tied up with him.”

“So, it is the same guy as the domestic dispute calls from years back?”

Bruce shook his head. “No. That one was arrested last year. Seems some people just attract—”

Stephanie coughed loudly, refusing Bruce the chance to finish that damning sentence. “She’s terrified, and she’s being used to hurt people. Please track this guy down.”

Tim looked at the clock, not liking where the conversation was going. “I’m gonna head off now. You coming?”

Steph nodded, following Tim to the door. “I’ll drive behind you. Bye Bruce, bye Mr Fox.”

“You two live together?” Lucius asked, a little baffled. The pair looked back at the two older men, unsure what Lucius was getting at.

“Uh, yeah. At Tim’s.”

“Oh. So, it’s… pretty serious then.”

Instantly Tim and Stephanie were as red as apples. “Bye Lucius. Have a good weekend. See you later Bruce.” And then Tim hurried Stephanie out and into the main office space.

When they arrived home, Tim peered in his fridge.

“… Hmm. I’ll order takeout. Pizza or Chinese?”

“Chinese.” Steph replied, hanging up her coat. Before Tim could hunt for the menu, Steph stopped him, hands on his waist.

“You were embarrassed today.”

“A little.”

“…About me?”

“What? No. Not you.”

“But you got so angry at the Bishop, when he looked at me funny. And then when Mrs Blackwell said I was less than your usual social circuit. And then Theresa saying I was lucky Bruce found me… and now Lucius being surprised that you actually like me…What is it?”

She was looking at him like his next words better be chosen carefully, or another argument would ensue.

“I guess I’m like you. I don’t want to hear what other people think about us. It’s private. But we have to make it public. And I…am conflicted about it.”

Earlier conversations sprung to mind, and with it came a sudden opportunity. Impulsively, without a moment’s thought, she latched on to it.

“You don’t like being in the public eye. You don’t like our relationship being there for everyone to judge.”

“No.”

“Then – then why are you? You don’t have to be. If you’re feeling pulled in so many directions, then just… just… drop one of your responsibilities.”

Tim blinked, not sure what to make of this sudden manic behaviour. He tried to be a voice of reason. “I can’t drop being Red Robin.”

“And I would never ask that of you. But there are other options for you aside from heir to Wayne Enterprises, right? You can quit. And we could—”

“We could what?”

Now Stephanie had to choose her words carefully. Tim held onto her elbows, looking increasingly upset. “Steph, I help a lot of people during the day, and where I am, being in that position under Bruce… it’s the best place for me to try and make like…structural changes. Busting drug rings and human trafficking, that’s good, but stuff like the Park Row project stop people becoming that desperate in the first place.”

Her burst of impulsiveness settled, and she felt ashamed for even having thought she could push Tim away from helping people.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I just… I had a moment there, where I was being selfish. I’m not going to ask you to give up anything. I’m not worth that.”

Tim looked as though something she had said had triggered a thought in his mind.

“You can be selfish…” He whispered. And then he tugged at her arms. “Come on. I wanna show you something.”

He pulled her upstairs, into his room, where he asked her to wait a moment. He disappeared into his closet, whereupon Stephanie lowered herself onto the bed, shuffling so she was sat in the middle, cross legged. At the end of the bed was the cursed duck, sitting with its triple chin and beady eyes on full display. It seemed to migrate across the room, ending up in slightly different positions every time Steph saw it. She was partially convinced it was a possessed toy. Watching her, judging her.

Fucking duck.

Tim returned with two boxes, one substantially larger than the other. He set both on the bed, blocking her view of the duck, then clambered on in front of her, resting on his shins. He held out the smaller box.

“I bought this at the same time as the engagement ring.”

Stephanie opened the box, noting that her hands were shaking, and found a ruby bracelet inside. It was polished uncut gems, engraved with birds flying across a landscape.

“Is this…is this better than the ring? I thought when I was buying it that it wasn’t too bad. I tried not to get you anything you would hate, but I guess I overestimated myself. The bracelet is better though, right?”

He sounded so much like an insecure child in that moment, that Stephanie didn’t know how to respond. It was just…too much. Especially for someone like her.

“Tim…” She sighed, reluctant to even touch it. “It’s… why did you buy this?”

“Red birds…isn’t it obvious? Look, I’ll help put it on.” His touch was gentle, as it always was, cool but not entirely confident. “There.” He rotated her wrist in the dim light, smiling nervously. She was just staring blankly at it, giving away nothing.

Finally, she smiled. It looked fake, but trying to avoid an argument, Tim let it slide.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. One more thing.” He dragged the next box over. Steph huffed.

“Oh, Tim, you’ve never needed to buy me stuff. That’s not why I—”

“I didn’t buy this.” He interrupted. He was trembling, so wound up with nerves. This might end badly, but he wanted to prove to her how serious he was about the whole thing. With this, she might understand that he wasn’t leaving her once the mission was over. He was desperate to get a fresh start, prove to Bruce that he was fine, he didn’t need to be monitored, to have Dick stop looking at him like he was a puppy five days away from going mad with rabies. Another Jason Todd in waiting.

Being with Steph made him feel lighter, made him remember who he really was. He wasn’t willing to let that go, not when he knew she was so close accepting she was enough to hold him to her.

“Close your eyes.” He urged.

“Tim.”

“Please. For me.”

Stephanie did as she was told, listening to Tim rustling around. Then, weirdly, she felt him very solidly place something on her head.

Her eyes shot open to the sight of Tim kneeling up, very carefully and precisely placing what felt like a very heavy headband on her head.

“It was my mother’s…” Tim murmured, kneeling down to see what it looked like head on. He began to play with her hair, arranging it just so. Stephanie looked on in a continued shock. “It’s old, in case you were wondering, mom left it to me. Left all her jewellery to me, actually. Guess she didn’t want my dad to give it all to his next wife… Wouldn’t have made a difference in the end but..”

Stephanie reached up and held his wrist, reassuringly. She was here, she had returned to him, even if his parents had not.

Tim took a shaky breath. “I want you to have them.”

“As your fiancée?”

“As whatever you choose to be. These are for you to keep.”

She looked to the side, to where Tim had a mirror taking up a section of the wall. The tiara was golden and round, nearly a circlet, with amethysts around the base and three larger ones providing the focal point. Small pink flowers and leaves encircled the stones, with each flower having a round diamond in the centre. It was not overly sparkly, it was not ostentatious. It was beautiful, and Stephanie felt so out of place wearing it her emotions once again got the better of her, and her chest rattled with wet breaths. Tim looked in love and smiled. It was such a pure delighted smile that she couldn’t help but reach for him, expression mirroring his, albeit much wobblier.

Pulling her onto his lap, she straddled him, legs splayed either side of his hips. As a result, his head was tilted upwards, and he looked more than a little star struck.

“You look like a princess.”

That made her smile falter, and she looked away from him.

“Baby, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. I told you, if you want to be selfish, do it here. You have me. I told you. Even if the rest of the world gets nosy or rude… tell me it outweighs moments like this?”

He cupped her cheeks, and Stephanie relaxed, letting him carry her weight. Tim smiled, seeing she was thinking over what he was offering.

“We both know we’re not getting married for real in a couple of weeks. But we can just delay it. We don’t have to get married now, ‘cause yeah, we are only twenty, and we don’t ever have to get married, if you don’t want to. But Stephanie, I want to be with you. And you want to be with me. Don’t tell me the past few nights, being next to me, don’t tell me they haven’t been –” Tim broke off, frustrated at his inability to explain himself.

“…Keep going.” Stephanie whispered.

“Listen, all I can say is what I’m feeling and I… I love you. I always have. And I watched you ignore me and Bruce’s put downs, I watched you screw up again and again, and I watched you claw all that respect back. And now I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. My head feels clearer ‘cause I know you’ll pull me in the right direction if I misstep. You know me, warts and all, and I’m jealous over you. God, I’m so… And I don’t want people watching. I don’t. They don’t know you like I do, and they don’t deserve to. But I want you with me. And that hasn’t changed. It never has. I don’t know how to make you believe that, so I thought…with my mom’s stuff you’d see... Please. You’re not selfish Steph… I am. I want the day job with all its perks and downfalls, and I want to be Red Robin. And I want you next to me for all of it.”

The pair were silent for a long moment, as Stephanie processed what he said.

“…I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“All of these people, looking at me…Dismissing me.”

“Prove them wrong! It’s what you do!”

He meant it encouragingly, but it seemed to trigger Stephanie’s temper.

“I’m tired, Tim!” She yelled. “I am tired of having to do that. Why can’t the world cut me a break for once? Why should I have to prove I’m not a whore, or an idiot, or that I’m capable, or that I really love you? Why does it matter to anyone else? Why can I not even get through one day without someone trying to make me feel three inches tall? Even if I had you, and I do have you, I know that, I still see how much everyone’s watching me. I’ll slip up and you’ll remember what went wrong last time. It’s what I do. And I’m tired.”

“I can’t give you that motivation, Steph.”

“No.” She sniffed, pulling and picking at her nails. “I tried so hard. And then being with you… it’s like being flung back six years. Everyone doubts me. I’m not strong enough to do it again.”

“You’re blaming me?” Tim asked, looking a little horrified.

“I’m blaming the society you fly in.”

“I need that to do my job.”

“I know. That’s why I can’t… you won’t be able to stay with me. I’ll just dr—”

“You are not a burden.” Tim breathed, chest heaving. “I don’t know how to make you see that.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“No but I love you and –”

“Tim…”

“And I don’t like seeing you like this!” He laughed incredulously. “God and I thought I was a mess!”

He shouldn’t have said that, and he knew the moment he did. Any other day, Stephanie’s anger would have spiked, and she would have screamed and maybe even hit him, but now, she just looked like he had completely broken her heart. She took off the tiara, no wanting to indulge the conversation.

“Forget it Tim.”

“No, Steph, you’re not –”

“No, I am. And it’s not fair to you to wait around for me to get my shit together. It ruined us last time it’ll ruin us now. I can’t help you and you can’t help me.” Stephanie rolled off the bed. “Going on patrol.”

“No, wait.” Tim began to panic, and in a moment he would later deeply regret, grabbed Stephanie and threw her struggling form against the wall, pinning her. She began to fall to pieces, shoving and clawing for him to let her go. What little pride she had left in herself didn’t want her distraught emotions to be seen by anyone.

“Leave me alone, Tim!”

“No! You always do this, you can’t lock yourself away when things get inconvenient.”

“Oh, fuck off!”

“No!”

“Let me go!”

And then she slapped him. And Tim flinched. And they both fell silent. There was guilt on her face, one that seemed to be eating her up inside, but then it clamped shut, and her expression became blank.

“I’m leaving now.”

Feeling he was making another mistake, he let her go downstairs to his little birds nest. He should have followed her. He should have known she was over emotional and panicked, and with Stephanie that was a recipe for disaster. He should have called Cassandra to watch over her, if he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He had his own patrol to go to.

Instead Tim laid down on the floor, utterly taken aback by how the evening had gone, and tried very hard not to cry.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, when his phone began to buzz. The Titans were calling him.

So tired of having no one to talk to about this, he answered the phone.

Stephanie collapsed on the stairs of Tim’s own Batcave, right hand sodden from tugging open the switch which Tim had hidden in his little fish tank. He had shown her how to get in months ago. Just in case, he said.

He’s trusted her with access to his space. Months before any of this nonsense had kicked up again. He’d been letting her back in. And she’d crumbled once more, and kicked him out.

If there was one thing Stephanie was incapable of being, it was cold. Her sarcasm was light and fond, her concentration was witty and playful, her joy was dazzling, her anger was blinding, and her grief was all consuming.

If she was trying to be cruel, it wasn’t working. She was sobbing, every piece of self-loathing pouring out of her like her scars were still open wounds. Her legs gave way, and she folded down into herself. She began to pull at her hair and cover her ears, shaking her head from side to side.

She needed to leave the apartment, and Tim. Just for a bit. Until she could forget what his bed sheets smelled like, until she forgot how stupid being with Tim made her feel.

For God’s sake, she was Batgirl! She wasn’t an insecure sixteen-year-old hunting for approval from anyone who would look her way. She was better than this.

Stephanie pulled herself upright and ran over to where she had – temporarily – stored the Batgirl suit. Still sniffing to herself, she got dressed, and rode off, hunting for someone to beat her own pain onto.

[ktheist]

Fine wine anon again :-) I am a complete idiot because I have tumblr as a mobile so I was waiting to see a response from you and all I saw was the pinned post 😭😭 WELP! anyways, life is okay, hasn’t been too kind, but it’s life!! I’m glad you’re getting your groove again and they’ve been great. it seems like everyone’s doing summer school and taking exams — hope they went well!! I decided against it this semester to take a break, but helloooo 4th year of uni in the fall 😁

hello!!! it’s been awhile!!! djsakdasa smh @ pinned post (i almost typed tweet lmaoooo) i’m sorry life hasn’t been easy but i believe in you and your strength to throw the lemons right back its face!! hahahaha yes i haven’t posted anything long in a while but new ideas are pouring in as we speak!!! ohh, my uni doesn’t offer summer school, the one i was having finals for was for my usual semester! (and we don’t really have the four seasons here - just rainy and sunny’s tbh so whenever someone talks to me about it i get a bit lost even tho i took geography like up till 2 years ago jdkadkajhds) oooft you’re gonna be in your 4th year soon? congrats!! ik uni has been a pain to go through!

[jiminies-ahmee]

CAR RIDES WITH BF!BTS

SEOKJIN 

seokjin is the type to play power ballads in the car 

maybe a bit of beyonce bc, y'all know our seokjinnie is diva 

and at the traffic lights ppl will literally be able to HEAR the both of you busting your lungs singing 

and you’ll have synchronised dance moves all down-packed to all the songs 

but seokjin isn’t one for EXTREMELY late night drives, bc he likes his beauty sleep 

however, he is definitely into fast food drive thrus 

he’ll make those iconic ‘hmmm’ and ‘wahhh’ noises and soon, it’ll rub off on you too 

it might be a good idea to let seokjin drive at all times bc you’ll be laughing way too hard at his attempts at jokes 

OMG 

YOU’D LAUGH SO HARD WHEN ITS RAINING AND SEOKJIN’S FORCED TO TURN THE WINDSHIELD WIPERS ON 

it’d be silent in the car for a few moments 

and then you’d break into a laugh 

and then seokjin would laugh 

and it’d just be a mess

y'all would be a mess 

a hot ass, diva mess 

YOONGI 

oh it wouldn’t be silent all the time 

but sometimes it would be 

bc either you were having a nap 

or yoongi was having a nap 

and he napped in the backseat 

it would warm your heart to hear his soft snores bc YES FINALLY your baby is getting his much-deserved sleep 

yoongi would always wake up to the smell of food tho, bc you knew he’d be hungry when he woke up 

and that sorta rubbed off on him 

when you would wake up in the passenger seat after dozing off, yoongi would have brought you your absolute favourite foods 

and even tho you didnt know it, yoongi had really gone out of his way to get it for you - just to see you smile 

bc he had quite literally gone off course and done a u-turn just to get the food for ya 

he a sweetie, not a meanie 

and there’d sometimes be some RNB or trap music playing in the background 

but it was almost always piano instrumentals 

bc even tho he wouldnt admit it to you, that instrument truly was his first love 

but it helped him find you <3 

NAMJOON  

now car time for namjoonie is inspiration time  

actually no, all the time is inspiration time  

when you’re behind the wheel, you’ll literally be having a convo with joon and he’d just be like ‘ooh’ or ‘yes’ out of nowhere  

and you glance at him and he’s got his nose in his notebook, quickly scribbling lyrics in his secret book  

(it isn’t secret to you tho bc he’s shared all the lyrics he’s ever written with you)  

and then he’d realise he quite literally cut you off, so he’ll look up at you and apologise profusely  

“i did it again, didn’t i?”  “it’s okay joonie, you can take the man out of the studio but you can’t take the studio of the man”  

he’d do that shy giggle he does with his hand over his mouth when you say that  

but other times, when namjoon’s the one behind the wheel  - mind you this does not happen regularly bc you aren't afraid to admit that you fear for you life when namjoon is the one driving  

he’d play all of those amazing and beautiful songs he recommends through twitter and when he’d give you the aux cord  

oh boy  

“this song is so good! quick, tweet it, y/n!”  “who sings this? this is littttttt”  

y’all will just be singing in the strangest of tones  but there’ll always be that one, heavenly moment when you’ll cut it out and literally harmonise by ACCIDENT   

and joon will just stare at you and you’ll stare at him before realising  

“JOON THE LIGHT’S GREEN, MOVE, OH MY GOD!”  

HOSEOK  

i think you already know where this is going  

hoseok does not sit still in the car unless he is tired  

and that is a rare event  

he’s always groovin’ and moovin’ 

even if you accidentally switch the station to some random one that’s playing ethnic music 

he’s poppin’ and lockin’ and no one can stop him someone stop me  

but anyways, hoseok is the one who ultimately brought you out of your shell  

his dancing and his aura of pure happiness has been passed onto you  and so you’re always dancing in the car too  

and you two are the type to take videos of it (obv the person in passenger seat is taking the video, don't snapchat and drive peeps xx) and post them to twitter and instagram and all that jazz  

car time with hobi is forever and always a fun time  

but honey, let’s not forget that as well as dancing and spitting fire, this sunshine can SING  

if a ballad comes on, oh boy, you better make sure that seatbelt real tight or you’re going to fly out the window  

he literally leaves you speechless sometimes with his vocals  

and you don't tell him, but you always manage to record him when he's singing in the car  

and you save them for when he’s away on tour that way you can keep hobi in your pocket and keep him close  

JIMIN  

this lil mochi, my peachy boy, is the dude that’ll look cool af in the car  

even if you two are on your way late at night to get something to eat  

you're out there wearing no paints, socks and slides and one of jimin’s shirts that are oversized for even him  

whilst ya boy is out there wearing sweatpants and a random tee but still looking fine af  

#thepowerofparkjimin  

and you’d complain about it sometimes bc he’d want to go into the place to eat and you’re like  

???? “do you see what i look like park jimin?”  

and he’d be like “yes, you look ethereal, now let’s go”  

he’d always hold your hand in the car  

and when he needed to use two hands on the wheel he’d literally grab onto your hard -0.4 seconds after his hand was free  

whenever you two would go driving together you’d always let jimin drive bc you knew he liked it and he didn’t get to do much of it during other times  

omg you’d try to be sly and snap a few pics of him bc goddamn, but he’d realise and pull the silliest faces just to make you laugh  

“yah, stop taking pictures, what are you? my personal paparazzi?” he’d tease  

song wise, i feel like it’s either really soft music with jimin or like…. hardcore suggestive music  

with soft music he’d be holding your hand and sing along quietly  

but with the suggestive music well…. he’d just wriggle his eyebrows at you and smirk bc HA ITS SO FUNNY ISNT IT  

“should i change the song, y/n? but i like it :(“  

TAEHYUNG  

oooft this boy  

he’ll call you up randomly at the most ungodly of hours asking if you wanted to go for a drive  

you’d always say yes bc why would you say no???  

and so he’d pick you up and the two of you would just drive around the city  

soft jazz music in the background bc taehyung has pretty cool and eccentric taste  

and he’d just hum along  

which would quite literally put you to sleep sometimes  

and tae would just giggle bc wow you're so cute  

but at other times - like when the rest of the world is awake - it’d be lively music  

bc tae needs to wake up and so do you  

it’d be so funny bc tae would play english songs and he wouldnt know some of the words  

and he’d just start blabbering sounds that he thought sounded similar enough to the actual lyrics  

(if this aint me with kpop tho)  

and he’d just be such a great person to be in the car with  

sometimes it’d be quiet between the two of you bc just being with one another was enough  

or sometimes the two of you would just be laughing so hard at a story tae was telling  

or sometimes it’d be a bit of a deep, emotional convo about the past or things that tae or even you just need to get off your chests  

and you loved each and every one of those moments  

bc tae made everything fun  

even if you were both bawling your eyes out in a parking lot after getting a little carried away with your deep chats, he’d fail at cracking a joke and you’d both be a giggling, crying mess  

but tae still thought you were the prettiest thing, so don't you worry a bit xx  

JUNGKOOK  

alright this boy  

sometimes the two of you would spend more time arguing over who got to drive than actually sitting in the damn car  

usually it’d be settled with an arm wrestle or whoever simply got to the driver’s seat first  

you both have a few bumps and bruises bc of the second scenario  

it’d be funny sometimes to watch kook drive tho bc he’d get a little rusty after tour and he’d just sit there in the driver’s seat completely zoned out  

“kookie, you have to switch the ignition on, buddy. we’re losing daylight here.”  

but the both of you would have this set playlist and set songs where the both of you would have individual parts  

like you’d do duets together in the car  

sometimes rap, sometimes pop, sometimes ballads  

but y’all put your all in each and every song  and the both of you would sometimes make it a competition to see who could sing better 

jungkook would sing songs trot style lmao  

and sometimes you’ll be out of breath by the time you reach your destination  

but it’s all good  

you’d also spend a lot of time in the parking lots of fast food restaurants bc foooooddd

and you’d always scold jungkook bc he’d always buy too much food but still manage to scoff it all down  

“jeon jungkook, how the hell are we going to eat all of this?”  

lol within 10 minutes the food’s all gone sis, you both scoffed it all  

“i told you you’d eat it all”  

roasting each other all the time  

and then having to cheer up a butthurt jungkook bc he took it to heart just a lil bit  

“jungkook, i’m joking”  

oh and sometimes you’d grab his hand while he was driving and he’d get  all startled  

and you’d laugh at him  

but he’d just grip onto your hand tighter till it hurt a little  

“ow!”  

“oh sorry, i just forget how strong i am sometimes”  

[halloumiplz]

Lockdown #1

We’re in lockdown. Hip, hip, hooray!

All I read is:

No visitors.

Time to catch up on uni work.

Time to game.

Side note - I had a panic attack at the shop today.

BIG OOOFT.

Would like to avoid doing that again any time soon. My mental health is weird, things happen and I don’t anticipate them.

I feel fine, then I’m not.

Just like that.

Blink and it’s there.

Sweat. Shakes. Nausea.

…and not a Seroquel in sight!

HOW GOOD.

2 funny things happened too,

1. My dog spewed chicken necks all through the car.

2. This made me late for my mental health review with my psychiatrist, being late made me anxious. Waited. Psychiatrist had called in sick. 60 min round trip for nothing but spew in the car and a new appt on the 18th. Yeeehawww cowboy.

Positive vibes all around LOL.

(Wondering if I keep lying to myself if I will start to believe it.)

[lilhwahwa]

Pirates of the Caribbean is Hilarious!! I firmly believe that they didnt even have a solid script throughout the entire series, it was just pure clownery and talent on set LMAOO. & shshsh!! I was!! I preferred the werewolves more also 😂😂😂 oooft that part still gets to me 🥺🥺 I cried at that scene it was so shocking. Plus Cedric was fine af 👀 what's your Hogwarts house btw? That is if you're really into the Harry Potter universe like I am LOL -🌺

Did you know that many scenes from there were improvised?? The director let Depp improvise scenes and also sometimes didn’t tell the cast when things were about to happen so that they could actually act surprised. I’m a Ravenclaw hehehe, at least that’s what i get most when doing the quiz hehe hbu <333 ?

[chaseyou-dream-ina-dream]

multiples of 3 good sir ✌🏼

3. Any New Years Resolutions? The usual kind of stuff, quit smoking, cut down on drinking and eat better. All three are actually going really well at the moment.

6. Panic At The Disco or Fall Out Boy? I’m not super into either, but I think Fall Out Boy just edge this one.

9. Do you own any band merch? I have a Frank Turner beanie and a Frank Turner t-shirt and that’s it on merch I think.

12. Any haircut/dying plans for 2020? I really want to shave the back and sides of my head and bleach the top but we’ll see I guess. I’ve put it off for literal years.

15. Are you into The Used? I like about 4 songs and that’s it, so not really.

18. Favourite MCR song? Oooft, that’s hard. I think it’s Sing, Ghost of You, Mama or Famous Last Words. Or Demolition Lovers. Hard choices.

21. Do you wear any makeup? No, but I do like how I look with some eyeliner.

24. Do you want any piercings? I want to do hoops in my ears, but had a really bad experience once and it’s completely out me off.

27. Favourite mythical/magical creature? Man, so many choices... Probs centaur or werewolf tho.

30. Favourite genre besides emo/punk/scene? I’m really into folk and indie music to be honest, love the relaxed vibes.

33. Are you mainly into the so called “emo trinity/quartet”? Yeah look, I had to look up who’s actually in the trinity so... I listen to a lot of bands outside of that and MCR is the only one of them I’m really into.

36. Favourite solo project? I think that’s probably John Floreani from Trophy Eyes, love his solo stuff.

39. Favourite colours/colour schemes? I love dark blue, black, emerald green as colours. Colour schemes I suck at but I do love blue/pink/purple pastels together.

42. Opinion on Paramore/Green Day/Blink-182? I love all three, but I haven’t bothered with Blink’s last two albums and Green Day’s most recent one. Paramore have aged like a fine wine and are still putting out banger after banger. Blink ain’t blink without Tom 🤙🏼

[the--sad--hatter]

Frozen Heart-5 (Bucky x Reader)

Frozen Heart Masterlist

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU, DEADPOOL & X-MEN

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION -  

When Nick Fury finally catches the Ex-Shield Agent knowns Black Ice, The Thief with a Frozen Heart he puts her where she belongs. With The Avengers.

You’re not happy about that decision but you’re the only one who’s kicking up a fuss.

Natasha and Clint are happy to have you back in their lives, Sam Wilson is a big fan, Tony Stark just wants you to keep your hands off his stuff and Steve finds out that not only do you have a connection but you were there for him when nobody else was.

Bucky Barnes is one of the few people who doesn’t have a connection with you but he’d really really like one.

** Everything in Italics is being signed, not said out loud.**

Current Word Count -  21,589k       Ao3 Link

Chapter Five - A Memorable Frost 

“Again!” You insisted, shaking your body loose and taking a deep breath.

 “NO!” Clint yelled from behind the tree.

 “Please? Just one more.” You pleaded.

“You said that on the last arrow. And the one before that. And the one before that.” Clint shouted.

“I’m getting better though.” You whined.

 “You’re fucking not. You’re getting worse.” He grumbled, poking his head out from behind the tree to glare pointedly at the chunks of ice and freeze burned grass.

 “I froze the last arrow!” You said indignantly, putting your hands on your hips.

 “And half the lawn and two trees. The one before that got a cool breeze.” He grumbled, nocking another arrow anyway.

 You planted your feet firmly on the ground and raised your hands, readying yourself.

 “PULL!” You called.

 Clint let the arrow fly and you summoned the icy power that was a part of you, blasting it at the arrow sailing towards you. Nothing happened.

 “Ahhh!” You yelped, throwing yourself to the side to avoid it.

 “Useless!”

 “I hate you!” You signed at your brother from your ungraceful heap on the ground.

 He scoffed and put his bow down, regarding you thoughtfully.

 “Maybe it’s time you called for some help from the experts.” He suggested tentatively.

 “Are you joking? You know they still haven’t forgiven me!” You said in disbelief.

 “That’s not true, The Professor isn’t one to hold grudges.” Clint argued.

 “Because I’m going to go near the mind reading professor while I know what I know.” You scoffed.

 “Well there’s always…”  He started to suggest.

 “No! He still hates me anyway.” You said grumpily.

 “It’s been years, I’m sure he’s over it.” He tried to contend.

 “Not happening.” You asserted.

 “Suit yourself but I’m done. Me and my arrows have suffered enough.” He huffed, stomping away.

 You groaned and threw yourself back onto the grass, looking up at the sky.

 “Hi.” Bucky said softly, walking over slowly with an air that was part curiosity, part concern.

 You tilted your head to look up at him, watching as he cautiously made his way over to you, avoiding the larger ice chunks. There was a look of wonder and awe in his eyes, especially for the ice boulder than was twice the size of him. He was dressed for working out and you guessed he’d been running when he saw you and probably come over to make sure you hadn’t accidentally knocked yourself out with an Ice missile.

 “Hey.” You said, waving to him.

 His shadow blocked the sunlight as he stood over you, looking torn.

 “Do you need help getting up?” He offered.

 “Or, you could sit down.” You countered.

 There was a light thump as he took you up on the offer and settled onto the grass next to you.

 “You know… I have ice powers, and I was in the army.” You told him.

 “Yeah, I heard.” He smirked.

 “So…” You said.

 “So?” he asked, clearly lost as to where you were going with this.

 “One could argue that I am The Winter Soldier.” You explained, grinning.

 He let out a huff of laughter.

 “I’ll tell Hydra they infringed on your copyright.” He chuckled and you immediately sobered.

 He hadn’t picked the damn name, you knew that. What had possessed you to say something so insensitive you had no idea. Actually, you did know. It was your brain and it was an asshole.

 “I’m sorry. It’s bad enough I’m flaunting my freezy stuff around and then I go and say something like that. I don’t know why you even talk to me.” You groaned.

 “You’re pretty nice. At least when you aren’t talking anyway.” He said and you squawked indignantly.

 “No, the Ice doesn’t bother me that much though. My memories are intact, so I just try and think of good snow related memories.” He admitted.

 “You do?” You asked gently, leaving it open for him to divulge or change the subject.

 “Yeah. When I was a kid, I loved the snow, meant less school and more playing. As soon as the first flakes fell every year, I’d bundle Stevie up in every coat we owned, his, mine, his mother’s… I’d drag him outside to watch it fall. I loved the way it would settle on the ground you know. It was like watching the world become a blank canvass, the pavements and grass just slowly turning white until they were untouched. It was beautiful.” He said wistfully.

 You got lost in his voice, the bittersweet pain behind the memory.

 “Sounds amazing.” You whispered.

 “It was. Kind of like now….” He said, grinning at you like he knew something you didn’t and pushing you to a sitting position.

 Spreading outwards from you there was a radius of pure white snow blanketing the ground. Exactly as you’d been picturing in your mind.

 “I did it!” You breathed out in shock.

 “Yeah doll, you did.” He said gently, proudly.

 “I did it!” You exclaimed.

 And before you could think about it you launched yourself at him, throwing your arms around his neck and landing on his lap. His arms automatically caught you and he hesitated for barely a moment before wrapping them around your torso. You stilled as you realized what you’d just done and pulled back abruptly, blushing like mad.

 You’d just launched yourself at him… You’d be lucky if he didn’t file a sexual harassment claim.

 “I’m so sorry! I just got caught up in the excitement, I didn’t mean to offend you.” You said in a rush.

 He looked stricken and guilt twisted at your gut. Then his arm snaked around your waist and pulled you back in.

 “You did good Ice; you deserve a hug.” He quipped, enclosing you in the warm embrace.

 Your mind sat back and refused to interfere as your head rested itself on his shoulder and you wrapped your arms around him.

 “I… Thank you Bucky. Thank you.” You sighed happily, nuzzling into him.

 He was sure you were going to notice the erratic hammering of his heart in his chest and regretfully pulled away before he lost any more sense.

 “Well, you should probably get inside now that’s the weathers taken a turn.” He suggested nervously.

 “I have to tell Clint!” You said excitedly jumping to your feet and running off.

 You got a few meters before you turned, jogging backwards so you could smile at him.

 “Seriously, thank you.” You said again.

 “Anytime doll.”

 You raced back inside to gloat to your brother but along the way you were brought to a screeching halt by a text message.

 A very intriguing text message.

 ~~~~~Two Hours Later~~~~~

 You stepped out of your room, satisfied with your appearance and headed for the elevator when your phone buzzed again.

 Big (Brother) Bird: Where are you going?

 You read the text from Clint and scoffed, shoving the phone back in your pocket when it buzzed again.

 Big (Brother) Bird: Don’t ignore me you ‘lil shit.

 You looked around and backed up a few steps, looking at the ceiling.

 “I know you’re up there!” You called loudly.

 There was a banging noise and you jumped out of the way, barely avoiding being smacked in the head with the vent covering as Clint lithely dropped onto the floor in front of you.

 “Where are you going?” He asked again.

 “Out.” You informed him helpfully.

 “Where?” He pressed.

 “Church, can’t you tell from my outfit?” You sassed, gesturing at the little black dress.

 “Is that why you’re dressed like a sinner?” He said, giving the dress a dirty look.

 “I’m taking that as a compliment.” You decided.

 “You shouldn’t. Have you got a date?” He demanded.  

 “Ask me again after I get to the bar.” You said.

 “Let me guess, you’re going to the bar without your wallet?” He guessed.

 “See, I knew all those people who called you stupid were wrong.” You told him, smiling sweetly.

 “At least I’m not a slut.” He said childishly.  

 “Slut shaming is so last decade.” You told him.  

 “Your face is so last decade.” He retorted.

 “I’m leaving now, before you embarrass yourself any further.” You scoffed.

 ” Wait, just let me fix that stray hair.” He said and reached out, mussing your hair as much as he could before you rabbit punched him in the ribs and leaned away, spluttering.

 He cackled loudly and jumped back into the vents before you could stop him.

 “Jackass.” You muttered under your breath, stomping away and fixing your hair up as much as you could.

 You were still muttering obscenities when the elevator doors swooshed open and in your eagerness to escape you walked into something very hard.

 “Oooft.” You gasped, nearly landing on your ass due to the violent rebound.

 “Shit, doll, are you ok?”

 You looked up at the very concerned face of Bucky Barnes who had his arms outstretched like he was getting ready to catch you.

 “Is your entire chest made of metal as well?” You asked him, gesturing at his pecs.

 “No? Just the arm.” He said, going pink.

 “Bucky, you’re fucking solid!” You exclaimed.

 “I’m so sorry.” He said, like it was a problem.

 “Was not a complaint.” You assured.

 “What?” He asked and you realized what you’d just said.

 “What?” You asked in an embarrassed panic.

 “You just said…” He trailed off, frowning.

 “I have a concussion or something. Ignore me.” You blurted.

 “Are you sure you’re ok?” He checked.

 “Really, I’m fine. I swear.” You said.

 It was at this point Bucky seemed to notice what you were wearing, his eyes actually moving down your body so slowly that you started to blush.

 “You look nice.” He said.

 You were probably reading into things; it was more than likely nothing but… he sounded almost sad about the fact that you didn’t look like a mess.

 “Uh, thanks. I have stuff, a bar, meeting friends. That kinda thing.” You stammered.

 “Right. Well, have fun.” He said, stepping away to let you in the elevator.

 “Yes sir.” You said, immediately wanting to bash yourself on the head for it.

 You stepped into the elevator and just before the doors closed his hand snaked out to stop them.

 “Ice? You, well you look really pretty.” He said softly.

 “Thanks, you too.” You whispered.

 Would it be possible to bang your head on the elevator wall hard enough to knock yourself out? Nah, he’d probably try and stop you. Mercifully he didn’t point out your awkward faux pas and let the door close on you.

 When you were gone, he ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. You didn’t have any friends; you were legally dead. And the dress… He knew the vision of you in that dress was going to haunt him for a long time, because he knew what you were wearing it for, he wasn’t stupid. He shouldn’t be jealous, shouldn’t feel so ill at the thought of what you were doing. You weren’t his to covet and he had decided to be your friend. But still, there was the awful voice in his head egging on his forbidden desires. Imagining you wearing something like that for him, him being the one to get you out of the dress.

 The thrilling mental image had two effects on his body, making him feel nauseous at the idea of sleeping with you because he wanted so much more than just your body but at the same time, the primal urge he had to rip the dress of and bury his cock deep inside you was making him uncomfortably hard.

 “Friends. Just friends.” He whispered to himself, shaking off the traitorous desire.

 Or trying to shake it off and failing miserably.

   You slipped a twenty from under your dress and paid the cab driver before you got out of the car, looking up at the large building you’d been dropped off at. Throwing your shoulders back and raising your chin, you walked into the lobby with confidence. It was slightly false confidence, but only slight. You weren’t that nervous about why you were here and what you were here for, it was remarkably simple actually. The elevator took you up and as soon as you stepped off, there he was.

 “I’ve gotta admit, even when you accepted my invitation, I didn’t think you’d actually show.”

 “You get stood up a lot hot stuff, got a complex about it?” You smirked.

 “Nobody stands me up, but not every woman is as mysterious and cold hearted as you.”

 “I’m not that mysterious. If you really want to know, you could ask. I don’t see a lot of talking in our future though.” You said coyly.

 “After I went to all that effort of ordering Chinese and turns out, you just want me for my body.” He pouted.

 “If I’ve offended you, maybe I should just leave.” You tutted, turning back towards the elevator.

 His arm circled your waist, pulling you back.

 “Not until I’ve gotten what you came for.” He whispered, his lips ghosting across your shoulder.

 It was obvious really; Johnny Storm was a notorious playboy and you were emotionally unavailable. That didn’t mean that you were a nun, you still had physical needs, and who could satisfy them better than the man of fire? You spun around in his hold and he didn’t hesitate to capture you in a scorching kiss. It was everything you had hoped for, hot and passionate and completely unemotional.

 You pushed your body into his, gasping in surprise when an image of beautiful grey blue eyes flitted through your mind.

 Your fingers grazed the back of his neck, brushing his hair and you frowned when your fingers itched to tug at longer, brunette locks.

 His hands ran across your body and you shivered, wondering what it would feel like to have metal caress you with skin.

 “Godfuckingdamnit.” You swore.

 You hadn’t had to work this hard to get a man out of your mind since… since Daniel.

 “Everything ok?” Johnny frowned.

 “No. I can’t do this.” You sighed, butting your head against his shoulder.

 “Whoever he is, he’s an idiot.” Johnny scoffed.

 ���Pardon?”

 “Whoever you’re thinking about? You’re here with me, thinking about him instead of being with him. So, he’s an idiot for not grabbing hold of this opportunity.” He explained.

 “He’s not the idiot. He’s, well he’s not what I want. My brain just hasn’t got the memo.” You sighed.

 “Look, you’re clearly dealing with some issues. I don’t mind you working them out on me.” He said, raising his eyebrow to make it clear exactly what he meant.

 You were not going to sit around and pine for somebody. Anybody.

 “Good.” You said, pushing him backwards and sending him sprawling onto a chair.    

 He smirked as you hiked your dress over your thighs so you could straddle his waist and pulled him into another scorching kiss.

A/N - I painstakingly recreated all the notes I lost when my laptop broke so I could restart this baby... So Ice is back!I'm undecided as to whether I will actually write the Johnny Storm smut, I guess it's up to you. Other than that, what did you think of this chapter?

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