#ooh too bad I don’t have cauliflower

[sodacowboy]

for dinner I’m thinking I’m gonna barbecue some canned chicken and then bake it in some leftover mac n cheese and I love that for me

[sctigthethird]

Bubbaverse incorrect quotes I got from an incorrect quotes generator cause why not

(disclaimer, might be a little ooc for some of them idk)

Bubba Badass by @blues-of-randomness

Clay Paclayderm by @funny-critter-blog

Dumba Dumbaphant by eggrit0s

Manny Mammoth by @anothersmilingcrittersau

Reborn (R!) Bubba, Tusker Tiredon, Selfish(S!) Bubba by me

OG Bubba: *Holding up a picture of a seemingly young anime girl* WHO IS SHE?! IS SHE TWELVE?! 
Badass: No! She's a thousand years ol- 
OG Bubba: *Cocks shotgun* 
Badass: NO! NOOOOOOOOOO-!

Clay: Do you know the ABCs of first aid? 
Dumba: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Badass, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Manny, the homie of my life, for telling me Clay was going to win so I shouldn’t bother preparing a speech.

R! Bubba: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. 
R! Bubba: And I started thinking. 
R! Bubba: Like, it was just trying to get food. 
R! Bubba: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck? 
Tusker: Are you ok…?

Clay: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

S! Bubba: Well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific. It was because shut up. Shut up is why.

Badass to Manny: We smell of sweat and loss.

Badass: We’re getting married (platonically), bitches! 
Manny: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

Manny: Don’t worry, I have a permit. 
OG Bubba: ...This just says “I can do what I want”.

Clay: Quacking in my boobs over this 
Clay: QUAKING* 
Clay: BOOTS* FUCKER.

Manny: Anybody got any crayons so I can color in my Ph. D.?

Tusker: I only have 6 weeks left to live…
OG Bubba: Oh my god, really?! 
Tusker: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made…

OG Bubba: You’re a loose cannon, Manny. 
Manny: No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me? 
Tusker: I think you play by your own rules…
Clay: No way, they think rules were made to be broken. 
OG Bubba: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon. 
Manny: No, I’m just a reckless renegade. R! Bubba is a loose cannon. 
R! Bubba: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Clay! 
Clay: I’d say R! Bubba’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing. 
Tusker: Now I’m just confused… Is Manny a loose cannon or not?…
OG Bubba: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this. 
Clay: *groans* 
R! Bubba: Aw, man.

Clay: :) 
Manny: >:( 
Clay: Turn that frown upside down! 
Manny: ):< 
Clay: Not sure what I was expecting...

Manny: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

R! Bubba: What the fuck. 
R! Bubba: ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship. 
R! Bubba: Who the hell watches jump rope competiti- ooh bouncy.

Clay, to S! Bubba: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.

Clay: What starts with F and ends with Uck? 
Manny: No it doesn't. (completely fucking with them)
Dumba: Firetruck! 
Badass: FUCK!

Dumba, holding a kettle: Coffee or tea? 
Clay: Tea. 
Dumba: Wrong! It's coffee.

Badass: I really like Eminem. 
Dumba: I prefer skittles. 
Clay: They are talking about the rapper. 
Dumba: Why would they eat the wrapper?

OG Bubba: Badass, are you drinking… drinking hydrogen peroxide-?
Badass: It says H2O2! That means it’s the sequel to water!

OG Bubba: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli. 
R! Bubba, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

Manny, to OG Bubba: If Badass doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check. 
Badass, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Dumba: We’re going to a candy store?! 
Clay: No! It’s nighttime, candy stores are closed. 
Badass: We’re gonna ROB a candy store?!?! 
Clay, sighing: No-

Tusker: I’m doing my best…
OG Bubba: You’re not doing anything. 
Tusker: Yes… that’s what I’m best at…

Badass: Why aren’t you sleeping?

Manny: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Badass.

Badass:

Manny:

Manny: ...The nightmares.

[balkanradfem]

ah I see! i totally agree that the produce grown at home tastes way better. I don’t currently know enough about gardening or have the skills, last year I only got two little strawberries (they tasted amazing though!) I live in a colder not so sunny climate so my favorite vegetables and fruits don’t grow easily. I also don’t have the space/good soil to grow in :/ i think by tasty food I usually mean like eating out and getting food or pastries I wouldn’t be able to make at home. I can follow a recipe but it never tastes as good, I’m just not a good cook lol so it’s part lack of skill and part I’m lazy 😅 my problem is I have so much I want to learn and do but I lack a lot of discipline and motivation to actually do it. But seeing your blog has been very inspiring! Thank you!

also would you consider turning tipping on? i know I really appreciate seeing your content and thoughts and if you’re struggling financially especially I’d love to be able to help a little! i hope this doesn’t come across as rude

Ooh, pastries! Okay, I can't make a good pastry either, I can however, make a bad one and play pretend (I'm not that picky, I'll be happy with a faulty pastry).

Ah I'm sorry your climate makes things harder for you! You must have been very proud of the two strawberries! I wonder if other people are growing food anywhere close to you, because local gardeners usually have specific varieties that will succeed in that climate. Lots of vegetables have varieties meant to grow in colder climates, that produce faster, or are more resistant to the cold. There's also food that grows better in cold areas, for instance you could grow lettuce, kale, radishes, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, kohlrabi, and most of brassicas even during a cold time, since they're resilient and don't mind the cold! But then again, it would suck if those are not foods you like to eat. Peas and carrots will grow in colder weather, I think parsley, celery, swiss chard and spinach would work too. Oh and potatoes might!

Stuff that really needs heat are okra, peppers, pumpkins, squash, melons, tomatoes, but there are early varieties that might be able to grow in short time, before they get hit with a frost.

Garden food actually gives you some slack with being a bad cook because often they'll taste great even if you don't do much to it. For the most of the time I will throw things into a pot, add water and salt, and it will all be great. Or you can leave potatoes, carrots, green beans, pumpkins, squashes, okra, broccoli, or whatever else you get, in an oven for 45 minutes with some oil and salt and you basically can't go wrong, and all you have to do is wash the stuff and maybe cut it if it pleases you. I specifically develop most of my recipes around being lazy and I completely feel you with not being a great cook and not wanting to strain too much with the meals, you have other things to do!

I'm glad my content is inspiring, I'm very much inspired by how good it feels to grow food as well! I hope you figure out what works well and easy for you, even if your climate is cold, I remember seeing videos specifically made by people growing their food in cold climates! (unless you have frost and snow all year long, then that is very hard).

oh and I almost forgot the answer the last part xD nah I’m here because it’s fun

[in-tua-deep]

i need you to know that every once in a while i go back and read your whole responsible luther au from start to finish and like.... i would legit read 100k of that and still want more, i LOVE that entire concept to PIECES and just kdjdjfhfl thank you for elaborating on that plot so much

adsfdDFSGHF i’m v flattered i will admit I myself didn’t expect to become as fond as I have with that particular au lmao i think it’s a combo of the way luther in that au is generally unflappable and “same shit as always” and the family actually getting together and being an actual family

Not even the big family stuff either just the dumb little interactions

(posts for this au here: one, two, three, four, five, six)

Like Luther comes home from work, exhausted, walks in and the first thing he sees as he walks in is Diego standing at the open fridge drinking straight from the milk carton.

“Diego.” Luther states, halfway incredulous because come on, “Do I live in a frat house? There’s glasses in the cabinet to your right and I know you know that.”

“What do you know about frat houses?” Diego sneers, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “Not like any of us went to college, ‘les they give out degrees in sucking up.”

Luther presses his hands together and touches them to his mouth for a second of patience. “Diego,” He starts over, “What are you doing here?”

“Babysitting.” Diego shrugs, placing the milk back in the fridge and closing the door. Luther makes a mental note to buy more if only so that he doesn’t have to share in Diego’s gross mouth germs.

He can’t contain it. “For fu - is this what you do at home Diego? Do you even own glasses?”

Diego shrugs again, not even disguising the grin across his face. He likes pushing Luther’s buttons, like the absolute dick he is. “Just saving you on some washing up, Luth.” Diego informs him cheerfully, moving to pass him and clapping him on the shoulder in faux friendliness. 

Luther is about to make an very inadvisable movement (that movement being grabbing Diego and tossing him across the room and maybe pouring out the rest of the milk on top of his smug little - ) when Five pops into the room in a flash of blue.

“Luther!” Luther’s favorite brother greets him enthusiastically as Klaus stumbles out of his bedroom, brandishing a bottle of nail polish like a weapon. Judging from Five’s half-done fingers, it’s clear what they were up to. Luther has a feeling he’s going to end up with nail polish on his coat in a hot second.

It’s more of a surprise when Vanya walks out of the room as well, sporting electric blue painted nails and looking mildly uncomfortable. Of course, mildly uncomfortable is pretty much Vanya’s default state so Luther doesn’t think anything of it.

“Hello Five, hello Klaus.” Luther greets his roommates, smile plastered on his face, “Hello people who do not live here.”

“You need to get more eggs.” Diego tells him, not even looking abashed at Luther’s implied reprimand. Which, considering Diego procured a key weeks ago (which Luther did not give him) might be a little fair. It’s not like Diego isn’t invited maybe 25% of the time.

“Klaus called.” Vanya admits, “He said Diego was being boring and I needed to come over before someone was murdered. Probably Klaus, if we’re being honest.”

“Hey!” Klaus protests automatically, before tilting his head to acknowledge the point.

“Luther!” Five tugs at Luther’s coat insistently as he’s been doing pretty much since they walked out of the bedroom.

Well, time to pay attention to the little monster. Luther reaches down and swings his littlest brother up into his arms, earning a shriek even though it’s a familiar move at this point. 

“Ooh! Me too, me too!” Klaus crowds closer, making grabby hands. Luther sighs deeply but obliges, swinging Klaus up and over his shoulder easily and earning another delighted shriek. Luther wonders what it would be like without his super strength. Wonders how the rest of the world manages.

He ignores Diego’s look as he makes his way over to the couch, swaying both his brothers from side to side as they try and grab at one another. It’s a little bit like trying to balance a very tall stack of books with a wine glass on top - difficult but not exactly impossible. They certainly don’t try make it easier on him.

Having had enough, Luther calmly dumps both of them onto the couch. 

Vanya strolls over and plucks the bottle of nail polish out of Klaus’s hands, circling the couch and nudging him over so she can sit by Five where she wordlessly unscrews the cap and reaches out a hand for Five to put his into. Apparently it’s nail painting time again.

“What did you want, Five?” Luther asks, amused as he collapses into the big thrift store armchair with a quiet oof. 

“What’s for dinner?” Five asks, rolling his eyes.

Diego groans, “Ugh, that’s all he’s been asking for like, an hour.”

“I’m a growing boy!” Five protests, jerking his hands and earning himself a scolding shush from Vanya as the nail polish smears. She uses the corner of one of her own nails to clean it up a little. 

“Growing sideways,” Diego teases, reaching a hand out to ruffle Five’s hair. Unfortunately, it seems Five anticipated the move and Diego narrowly avoids the snap of Five’s teeth and the resulting shit eating grin.

“Luther!” Diego sounds scandalized, gesturing at their grinning brother as Klaus laughs quietly to himself.

“Children, behave.” Luther deadpans. 

“That’s what they say when we’re together!” Klaus immediately sings at the top of his lungs, making Vanya wince away and give him a look. Klaus shrugs unapologetically and she rolls her eyes, turning her attention back to her task.

“We should liberate Luther’s records from the house.” Five says, looking thoughtful.

“No one’s going to the house.” Luther vetoes, again. It’s like Five is just looking for excuses these days to suggest exploring the house for things.

“Maybe when Dad’s dead.” Diego says, finally coming around the sofa to sit in the last remaining armchair. Luther winces and doesn’t respond. As much as he doesn’t see eye to eye with Reginald these days - there’s still a part of him that loves the old man, even if therapy is making him see more and more that the feeling wasn’t exactly returned.

“God,” Klaus sighs, throwing his head back dramatically, “If you had my powers you wouldn’t be wishing for the old man’s death, ugh.”

The family shares a collective wince as they remember that for Klaus, harassment from their father wasn’t exactly something that stopped with his death.

“Aw, don’t look so glum! Ben here has promised to be my guard chihuahua.” Klaus informs them all cheerfully after noticing the long faces. He turns his face to the side, where it’s probably Ben exists. “What? Chihuahuas have a great and noble history! You should be flattered! What? Wait, Ben, no - ”

The rest of the family decides to move on as Klaus devolves into a whispered half-conversation with their dearly departed sibling. It drives them all crazy that they can’t hear one half of the conversation.

“You never said what’s for dinner.” Five points out, just a little petulantly. Vanya gives him a gentle nudge as reprimand for moving too much, but she’s finishing up with the last nail anyway so it’s not terribly important. 

Luther really doesn’t feel like cooking. Mainly because he’s really bad at it. He looks over at Vanya, who is the only person who has been keeping them all from eating like freshman college students and getting scurvy, but she’s studiously examining her job on Five’s nails. Clearly she doesn’t exactly feel like cooking, either.

“Chinese?” Luther offers, hopeful. 

Five pulls a face, but Klaus brightens up, head snapping around from his little argument. Luther’s hope dies in his chest. Feeding their whole family is an adventure in juggling - how their Mom fed them all for so many years without snapping in half from bending over backwards to please everyone.

Then again, it’s not like any of them had the choice to refuse their food in their father’s house no matter personal preference. It was wolf it down regardless of taste or starve and potentially faint during training.

But there is one thing they can all agree on. t’s just a last resort because Luther is so very tired of having it every other night but hey, when needs must, right?

“Pizza?” Luther offers and everyone sort of nods and hums their agreement at that. Luther knows all of their orders by heart at this point. Even Diego “my body is a temple” Hargreeves doesn’t say no to pizza, usually. 

“You know, we could make it slightly healthier and make our own?” Vanya points out, but it’s only halfhearted. “I heard you can make the crust with cauliflower or something.”

“You think we have cauliflower in this house?” Five asks with an arched eyebrow, and Vanya concedes the point. Luther feels almost offended at the implications about the state of health food in his place, but it’s also a fair point so. No like he can rebuff it. 

“Pizza it is.” Luther states firmly before this can devolve into an actual debate on the state of their dinner. 

He gets up to go grab his phone and can hear the sound of a fight breaking out behind him, Klaus’s voice being the loudest. Luther had so hoped Vanya sitting there would have prevented the inevitable but she was in on the shenanigans far more often than Luther would have expected.

(Sometimes he wondered what their childhoods would have looked like if Vanya had been more included. He had suspicions that she would have never been on his side in an argument, anyway.)

Luther shakes his head as he punches in the number for the pizza place. For a few minutes that mess in the living room is not his problem.

Of course, a few minutes of peace never lasts for very long. Not in this family.

[parkersharthook]

YouTuber Au

(Lucas Friar x Maya Hart)

Warnings: cheesy fluff

3.7k+ words

Maya is a famous youtuber, and this is her boyfriend tag video. Told from the perspective of the viewer.

“Hey guys it’s Maya and welcome back to my channel! Before I introduce someone special and start this video I just want to say that we reached 15 million! Yayyy go us and I love every single one of my hartists out there. I’m going to have a special video up on Friday celebrating 15 mil with some special merchandise drop and some other surprises!” Maya waved her hands excitedly. “But along with that Friday video I will have the regular Sunday one so this is a not-gonna-happen-a-lot­-two-video-a-week thing. So stay tuned. Also, last week’s video where me and my friend Riley do the duct tape and the best friend tag in one just beat our record of 20 million views with 25 million views! I love you guys so much and remember keep being creative and keep being you.”

“Should I come in now?” Lucas’s voice said off camera.

Maya laughed and held up a finger, “Okay and now onto this video! I have gotten a lot of requests and comments saying I should do this so here I am… it’s the boyfriend tag! You have probably seen my boyfriend in the back of some of my videos but now here he is.” Maya waved her hand motioning for Lucas to come into frame and he fell onto the couch next to her. He was relaxed on the couch with his arm lazily over the back while Maya sat forward. She placed a hand on Lucas’s knee, “This is my boyfriend Lucas.”

He lifted a hand in greeting. Maya scoffed and pulled him into a sitting position by his jacket collar, “You aren’t in the light and please act somewhat excited.”

He adjusted his hoodie and lightly swatted her hand away, “I’m excited.”

Maya narrowed her eyes slightly but just nodded and look back towards the camera. “Okay but this isn’t just a normal boyfriend tag this is the extreme boyfriend tag! We have 30 questions and for every five questions he gets wrong, Lucas has to take a shot of something gross.”

He groaned in the background, “I didn’t know that! I wouldn’t have done it if I did.”

She patted his knee in fake sympathy, “that’s why I didn’t tell you. Okay so for the first five he’ll have to take a shot of lemon juice and then ketchup and then soy sauce and then fish sauce and then buttermilk and then if he gets all of them wrong he’ll have to drink all of it combined. How exciting!”

“I’m really not looking forward to this anymore.” Lucas groaned as he dropped his face into his hands. Maya ran a hand through his hair and quickly kissed the side of his head before pulling out her phone.

“So I asked all of my hartists out there to send in questions and I’ve chosen my favorite 30 so let’s get down to business. Okay first off an easy one, when and where did we meet?”

“We met when I was a transfer student in seventh grade. I had just moved from Texas and this short little blonde comes up to me in the subway and is hitting on me and then dating me and then breaking up with me in a span of five seconds.”

Maya held up her finger and pursed her lips slightly, “That’s not exactly how it goes. I was trying to prove a point to Riley that you can’t just wait for some guy to talk to you, you can make the first move. And that goes out to all my ladies out there because you don’t need to wait for a man, if you want it you can take it.”

“But I got it right?” Lucas said with an eyebrow raised.

Maya grumbled, “yes you got it right okay moving on. How long have we been dating?”

“We started dating around Halloween of senior year so like two and half years?”

Maya nodded, “yeah I would say that’s a good estimate.” She scrolled through her phone slightly, “Where was our first date?”

“We went to see a horror movie and then to pizza.” Lucas said with a smile.

“That was still my favorite horror movie I’ve seen. Though It was pretty good. Where and when was our first kiss?”

“It was in December a few months after we started dating and I had just found out my grandfather had died and I showed up at your window at liked 2 am and of course you were up painting and so you opened the window and pulled me inside. And then you kissed me.”

“That I did. See girls? You don’t have to wait for them to make the first move.”

Lucas nodded and kissed her, “Thanks for not waiting. What’s next?”

“When is my birthday?”

“Easy. January 15th.”

“What color are my eyes?” Maya instantly dropped her phone onto her lap and covered her eyes with her hands.

“Blue.” Lucas answered without missing a beat, “There a light almost icy blue and they’re gorgeous.”

“Aww thanks babe. Yours are okay.” Lucas dropped his head in a chuckle but picked it up when Maya chuckled darkly, looking at the next question.

“Where was I born?”

“Crap. Okay so I know you grew up in the Bronx so… the Bronx?”

Maya bit her lip slightly and shook her head, “Nope. I was born in Brooklyn in the back seat of a taxi.”

“You were?” Lucas said with a slight horrified expression. Maya just nodded with a cheeky smile and flashed a big thumbs up.

“Which food do I hate? Wait… that’s too easy. Name five.”

Lucas held up a finger, “Mayo.” Maya nodded and he picked up another, “Cauliflower.” Another nod, “Squash?”

Maya shook her head as she gasped, “No! I love squash.

“What food do you not like? You eat everything!”

“Sour cream, cottage cheese, and radishes. Those foods deserve to die in hell. Ok, when and where did you meet my parents?” Maya propped her head on her hand and looked at him.

“I met your mom when she came in for career day. I met Kermit when he came to New York for the forgiveness project and I met Shawn on your birthday.”

“What about when we were officially dating?”

“Well I saw your mom a lot because she worked at Topanga’s but they formally invited me to dinner with them one night and I think Shawn wanted to kill me.”

Maya laughed and nodded, “yeah I think so too.” She glanced back down to her phone, “Ooh a hard one! What’s my shoe size?”

“What?! How am I supposed to know that? I don’t even know woman’s shoe sizes. Um… an 8?” Maya huffed and threw her phone to the side.

“You got it.” She said dejectedly.

Lucas smiled brightly, “Really?” Maya just nodded causing him to laugh.

“Moving on, moving on. What am I good at?”

“Kissing.” Maya slapped him on the chest lightly, “Okay. Obviously art. I mean y’all have seen it.” He gestured to the camera, “She’s fucking fantastic!” Quickly he covered his mouth and looked to Maya, “Can I curse?” Maya snorted in laughter and nodded her head, “She’s fucking fantastic!”

“Thanks huckleberry. Now the opposite. What am I really bad at?”

Lucas thought for a moment before lighting up, “cooking. You are terrible at cooking. One time when she was just trying to make pasta and she almost lit our apartment on fire.” Maya cringed and nodded as she scratched her face.

“Yeah… that’s not my specialty. Luckily I’m dating someone who can cook. Okay, which sport is my favorite?”

Lucas smirked and obnoxiously popped his collar, “Baseball because that’s what I play.”

“Lol nope!” Maya laugh drawling out the nope, “basketball because it’s not boring as fuck!” Lucas pouted and Maya just patted his cheek. “What film always makes me cry?”

Lucas narrowed his eyes at her, “That’s a trick question. Movies don’t make you cry.”

Maya shrugged and nodded at the camera, “It’s true. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I do not cry at the movies. Where would I love to travel?”

“You want to visit everywhere, you dream of travelling the world.”

“More specific.” Maya teased.

“Iceland.” Maya nodded and scrolled through her phone once more.

“If I could live anywhere, where would I live?”

“I feel like you wouldn’t move. You love New York.”

Maya hummed and shook her head in thought, “I do love New York but if I could I would probably live in Italy. I mean their food ohhh and their art! What weird talent do I have?”

Lucas took a minute to think about it, “I mean I don’t know if this is necessarily weird but it sure is impressive. You can bullshit a five page essay in like an hour and still get a perfect score. I just don’t see how it’s possible.” Maya held her hands beneath her face and tilted her head.

“I love putting myself in those shitty situations and then doing the bare minimum.” Maya said sarcastically. Her thumb swiped across the screen and momentarily paused before her eyes widened and she kept scrolling.

“Hey I saw that! Why did you skip it? What was the question?” Maya rolled her eyes and furthered herself from him.

“Nothing ranger rick… just a stupid question.” Lucas looked at her before lunging for her phone. She quickly straightened her arm, holding her phone away from him but due to his much longer arms he quickly snatched the phone from her hand and fell to the other side as he read the question. Maya threw herself over him trying to grab her phone back but failed.

“It says here ‘what is my nickname?’” He smugly looked towards her, “Why don’t you tell me Maya what is your nickname?”

She pushed off him and pointed a threatening finger towards him, “Quit it huckleberry!”

He sat up and smiled largely as he looked between Maya and the camera, “Well I call her Shortstack for obvious reasons and I also call her pancakes. Care to say why I call you that Maya?” Maya made eye contact and stared deeply at Lucas.

She huffed and slouched forward, “because I’m a shortstack of pancakes.”

Lucas laughed but leaned towards her, one hand cupping his ear. “What did you say?”

Maya stifled a laugh and shook her head at him, “Because I’m a shortstack of pancakes.” Her tone was a little louder but was filled with nothing but teasing love.

“Ah but there’s one more nickname I call you.” Lucas said in a sing song voice. “I also call you Penelope. And Hart sometimes.”

Maya groaned and flopped back on the couch, “Happy now?”

Lucas smiled giddily, “Yeah… get going this is getting fun.”

“Ok, but that might not even make it in the video because I’m the editor so don’t get too cocky… what kind of films do I like?”

“You love horror and comedy movies.”

“Bonus questions! What type of movie do I hate?”

“You really don’t like romance movies.”

“Except….” Maya continued on.

“Except for when you watch them with Riley and Zay.”

“Ok, here’s another easy one. Who’s my best friend?”

Lucas nodded and took her hand, “Well I would love to say Lucas but I know it’s Riley.”

Maya nodded and turned to the camera, “Yes and I do this every time she comes up because she’s my best friend but go follow her because she’s a beauty and photography blogger on YouTube. You can follow her @smileyriley.”

“Stop promoting her and keep going.” Lucas said while playing with her fingers.

“Where did we go on our first trip together?”

“Well we went on multiple field trips together during our high school days and of course there as the ski lodge but our first couple trip was when we went to Florida with Riley, Farkle, Zay, and Isadora.”

Maya nodded with a smile, “We went to Disney World. That was a good trip. Okay, how do I drink my coffee?”

“You have two moods. When you need to get shit done you order a straight black and when you just want coffee because you like it you get an iced coffee.”

Maya shook her head in disbelief, “You know me too well.” Lucas pulled her towards him and pressed a smiley kiss against her lips. She pulled away, “What’s my favorite video game?”

“You like the assassin’s creed series.” Lucas answered as he leaned back into the couch.

“Yeah I did.” Maya said, throwing her legs over his lap, “But my favorite is Call of Duty Black Ops or World War II. Probably because me and Zay played it all the time. Next question, what’s my favorite clothing item and what’s your favorite clothing item of mine?”

“You love your leather jackets especially the one Shawn gave you a while ago. And what’s my favorite clothing item of yours? I really like that red dress you have.”

“That red dress I have?” Maya asked with a laugh, “Lucas honey… I have a lot of red dresses. You might need to be more specific.”

Lucas sputtered slightly, “I don’t know. It goes all the way up to your neck and you typically wear those black boots that go all the way to your knee.”

“Oh.” Maya looked through her phone for a minute before showing him a picture, “this one?” Lucas nodded, “Good choice because I like that one too. This is the one he’s talking about.” She pointed the left corner of her screen and a picture of her wearing a bodycon velvet dress with over the knee black boots popped up. Her hair was pulled back and a leather jacket was held between her fingers. She looked stunning. “Okay moving on, am I a morning or an evening person?”

Lucas laughed as he threw his head back and clapped a few times, “How is that even a question? I wouldn’t dare and nor do I advise anyone to mess with you any time before 11 am. No, you are definitely a night person.” He answered as he rubbed her thighs.

“Okay I don’t know how many we’ve done but imma keep going. What was my first job?”

Lucas’s eyes widened, “Crap. I don’t know this.”

“I’ll give you two guesses.”

“Was it some fast food place?” Maya shook her head, “I don’t know. A dog walker?”

Maya laughed and shook her head, “No I taught guitar and art at a community center.”

“Wouldn’t that be volunteering?” Lucas asked.

“Not when they pay you.” Lucas laughed at her response, “What was my least and favorite subject in school?”

“History and art were definitely your favorites and you didn’t like math.”

“You got the favorites correct but while I didn’t like math I hated science even more. So you were wrong. What is one thing I love doing but most people don’t?”

Lucas laughed slightly and shook his head, “Ok so you love like breaking your makeup and then mixing it together.”

Maya laughed and nodded before holding up her hand, “Let me explain. I have a weird shade where I’m pale but I’m not typically as pale as the makeup is so I have to blend together a color that’s too pale and a color that’s too dark to make the perfect mix for my complexion. I know a lot of girls frown upon that but I really enjoy doing it.”

���Well you look great.” Lucas said earning a smile from Maya, “it would be a shame if someone ruined it.” Before Maya could do anything Lucas cupped her neck and pulled her face towards him as he licked her cheek. Maya groaned and aggressively rubbed her cheek.

“Ew, that’s nasty. Ugh you’re the worst which is why I’m asking you this. What’s our song?”

Lucas frowned and turned to the camera to explain, “This causes a lot of controversy in our relationship because I think it’s Your Man by Josh Turner because I sang it to her one time.”

Maya leaned more towards the camera to state her case, “I thinks it’s Humble by Kendrick Lamar because not only was I listening to it when you came to my window the night of our first kiss but it was also playing in Topanga’s when you asked me out.”

Lucas just stuck his tongue playfully out at her before smiling largely, “Why don’t we ask your followers. Please comment below if you think Your Man or Humble should be our song?”

“Wow, those are two really different songs.” Maya laughed at herself, “Okay last question. What TV show do I love that you hate?”

“So Maya watches this show called Big Brother that I’m positive a large portion of you guys watch to but I just don’t see the appeal of it. It’s too much drama.”

“The drama is the best part!” Maya yelled, “Also he doesn’t appreciate Avatar: The Last Airbender like he should.”

“Okay that one comes with reason. It’s about a bald kid that can bend the four elements? That’s so stupid.”

Maya shot up, “It is a quality TV show that deserves the love and support of all. I watched that show throughout my entire childhood and it was the best thing.” Lucas just reached up and pulled her down onto her lap.

“What happens now? You said that was our last question.”

Maya perked up as she smiled at the camera, “Wellll, you got seven questions wrong which means you have to take a shot of ketchup.” Lucas cringed as Maya got off his lap. Due to editing it quickly switched to Lucas sitting at the edge of the couch with Maya beside him and the shot of ketchup on the table in front of them. “Drink up.”

Lucas didn’t hesitate as he grabbed the glass and knocked it back. It slowly crept out of the glass and into his throat, causing him to gag. Maya covered her mouth with her hands as she laughed. Lucas groaned and quickly grabbed the glass of water and drank from it.

“Well I drank it all.” Lucas said with a frown.

“Good job, I’m proud of you.” Maya said before turning to the camera with a clap. Okay guys that’s it for this video but stay tuned from some hilarious bloopers from this goofball to my right and myself.” The screen cut to static and then and image of Maya sitting on the couch showed up. “You ready to go?”

“Yep.” Lucas said from off camera.

“Ok and this is my boyfriend Lucas!”

Lucas suddenly slid in behind the couch on his socks before losing balance and falling directly on his butt. Maya lost it as she peered behind the couch and laughed. It switch to the next video of Maya standing up to get a blanket but tripping over the rug. Lucas reached out to try to grab her but ended up just rolling off the couch and joining her on the ground. The last clip was of when Maya got up to get the ketchup and Lucas just grabbed her hand to pull her back. But unfortunately Maya fell backwards as her arms flew about and she smacked Lucas in the face. They laughed uncontrollably.

Another static noise and image filled the screen for a few seconds before it switched back to Lucas and Maya sitting on the couch.

“Okay everyone that’s the end of my video. I hope all of you enjoyed it and I hope,” she turned to her boyfriend, “I didn’t torment you too much. Leave a comment below if you want to see another video with Lucas in it or if you don’t. Don’t forget to like and subscribe to join the family. I’m so thankful and happy that we got to 15 mil and I love every one of you, from those who were hartists from the beginning to those who joined because of this video. I have some new merchandise out and a few art kits that I just dropped on my website mayapenelope.com/merchandise. If you’re not already following me you can hit me up at any of my social medias @mayapenelope on all platform. I’m also putting the link to Lucas’s social media down in the description. Don’t forget to be creative and be you. Don’t let anyone tell you how to act or who to be. Remember to spread love not hate and to not discriminate against anyone no matter their religion, race, sexuality, or heritage. Let’s make this world a better place together guys. Alright I’ll see you on Friday with my special video for celebrating 15 million! Love you guys!” Maya kissed her palm and pressed it against the camera’s lens cueing the end of the video.

~.~

Maya sat at her desk, her laptop open in front of her and her glasses rested on her nose. She scrolled through her feed, her mouth slightly ajar.

“Hey Maya, did you get to the store?” Lucas asked as he walked into her room. She didn’t respond, let alone move her eyes from the screen. “Maya?”

“Lucas come look at this.” She waved him over excitedly and he came and stood behind her, looking at her computer over her shoulder. She pointed to all the comments that flooded her newly uploaded video. “They loved you!”

“Of course they did.” Lucas joked.

“I’m getting a ton saying ‘he’s super-hot’ and that ‘she’s super lucky’. A lot of ‘relationship goals’ and ‘they’re so cute together’.” She smiled widely, “It was uploaded less than 6 hours ago and it already has 2 million view and half a million likes. Plus over a million comments. This is fantastic!”

He rubbed her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her head, “I’m proud of you Maya.” She tilted her head up to face him.

“I’m going to need you to be in a lot more videos, they love you.” He leaned down and kissed her.

“I would love to be on the famous Maya Hart’s YouTube channel.” He kissed her again.

“Also they think Humble is our song.” Lucas groaned causing Maya to snicker as he walked out of the door and left Maya to continue to marvel at how well the video was doing.

[samayla]

Alphabet soup tag

-Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

I was tagged by the lovely @court-0f-dreamers

Age - 27

Birthplace - Minnesota

Current time - 12:49am

Drink you had last - 7Up

Easiest person to talk to - My dad.

Favorite song - Fight Song/Amazing Grace by The Piano Guys

Grossest memory - I was taking tickets for the junior high dance when one of my brother’s friends came in, sloppy drunk, and puked all over me while arguing about crashing the dance. I think he’d been into every bottle in his dad’s liquor cabinet. It smelled so bad...

Hogwarts house - Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, depending on the quiz and the day.

In Love - with books and reading and getting lost in those worlds (Pri, you said it so well!)

Jealous of people - who don’t seem to have bad hair days. My curls do what they want. 

Killed someone -  nope.

Love at first sight or should I walk by you again - nah

Middle name - Lynn

Number of siblings - 3

One wish - a magic thingamabob that can transcribe my thoughts onto the page as fast as I can think them. I have so many great ideas, but I can only type one word at a time, and I get foggy sometimes, so I lose track of what I was thinking about.

Person you called last - my coworker, who covered for me last night so I could sleep off a doozy of a migraine.

Question you are always asked - Is your hair naturally curly? One time, this little old lady came into the store and absolutely insisted I was the illegitimate child of this local guy whose family is known for their curls, and she got really offended when I told her no, it wasn’t even a possibility. 

Reason to smile - That thing my cat does when he wants a kiss, so he races me into the living room to jump up on his perch, at perfect kissing height, but he loses faith halfway there and has to stop to check and see if I’m still coming because I’m not running nearly as fast as him, and then he doesn’t have the momentum to make the jump in one go, so he misses and has to dramatically claw his way up onto the perch, and then he stands there like he’s been there all day and nothing’s wrong while he waits for me to kiss him on top of his head.

Song you sang last -   Phil Collins’ You’ll Be In My Heart because it was on the radio and I learned all the words in junior high watching Tarzan.

Time you woke up -  1:30am. 

Underwear color - sea green because they came in a pack with some pretty cherry blossom ones.

Worst habit - dropping my clothes all over the floor when I get ready for bed.

X-rays - hand a couple of times, foot

Your favorite food - hmmm... quite possibly cauliflower at the moment, or tomatoes, or naan, or fresh mozzarella, or PASTA. Ooh, definitely mostly pasta, but also those other things too...

Zodiac sign - Aries

I have no idea who to tag... erm... @aelinashgalathynius, @skirtswithpockets, @valhallatourism

[lightening816]

So last night, I was chatting with Beckham, AKA @themarquisofdorks, and I came up with this ridiculous Modern AU where we worked as double agent criminals for The Red Hats’ Mafia in a more modern Cheesebridge, all from The Boxtrolls. 

Mr. Snatcher is the big bad crime boss, Mr. Gristle is his weapons technician, Mr. Trout is his brute muscle, Mr. Pickles is his right hand, and Beckham and myself are double agents for the Boxtrolls. He pretends to be Snatcher’s backup lackey, and I am Beckham’s platonic gun moll (in real life, we’re just good friends, but I pose as his moll so that I can stay around as Snatcher’s informant). 

My Boxtrolls OC, Pepper, is the victim of a rigged adoption after she accidentally witnessed the head bashing of local inventor, Herbert Trubshaw, who’s head injuries keep him from pointing out his perpetrator, much to the despair of his wife, Marjorie and their little son, Arthur. Snatcher forged a background check and illegally adopted her, right from under the nose of her manageress, Lady Portley-Rind. 

When Pepper comes in, asking for something from her brute of a father during on of his meetings, he’ll send me to go tend to her needs. Pepper loves his stooges, especially Uncle Becky and Auntie Lucy. 

...

  The third floor of the Snatcher and Son's factory in Cheesebridge, England was dimly lit as people of various ages sat across from a wide, smooth desk make of dark wood. A thin line of smoke made Lucy, a young woman wearing a long blue gown and a red headband in her hair, place a hand near her nose. Next to her was a young man with short blue hair and a handsome brown business suit, Beckham Marque. They stood across from three older men, a beanpole with a cone shaped head and worrying eyes named Mr. Pickles, a giant with bulky arms, thin legs, and a cauliflower ear named Mr. Trout, and an imp with black rimmed glasses and ice blue eyes named Mr. Gristle. The last of them held the handle of a club in one hand, patting the end of it onto the palm of his hand.

 His giggles made Lucy a little nervous, but she knew better than to complain. After all, it was The Boss's turn to speak."Have the preparations been met?" A thick, oily voice said from behind a huge red, leather chair. "Yes, sir," Lucy confirmed. "The Mayor will pass the Curfew Bill any day now." "Excellent," the voice replied. "Boss," Beckham had the nerve to interject with blushing cheeks from the nerves. "I want to be the one to go out ahead of time and scout for those Boxtrolls." Everyone looked at him as Lucy nibbled her bottom lip. 

  "J-Just to get a head start on those monsters, ya know?" He insisted. The voice from behind the leather chair chuckled, causing Beckham to tremble in stress as well as a little bit of excitement. "I admire your spirit, Mr. Marque...but Boxtrolls will never come out as long as the sun is up. We'll have to wait until sunset. Simple as that," the voice concluded. "But, if Lucy and I could-" "Mr. Daniels, I will not say it again." Lucy took his shoulder, causing the boy to sigh. "Very well..." "Good show," the leather chair swiveled around, showing its occupant as a tall man with thin limbs, and a enormous potbelly that shifted as he moved. His ovular face held the coldest gray eyes Lucy had ever seen. As if to say that he had probably seen plenty of grown up things she and Beckham could only dream of. Mr. Archibald P. Snatcher smirked a little at the disappointment on the boy's face. He loved implementing his authority at the best of times, especially as he put out his old cigar and lit up a new one.  He pushed back loose strands of thinning brown hair, tied back.

  "Mr. Gristle, how are you with weapons?" "GUNS!" The two kids flinched, before Mr. Gristle showed a arranging gun with a net attached. He placed it in Mr. Snatcher's hand surprisingly gently, so that the Boss could really examine it. "Hmm...nice projectile, firm elastics-" he shot at an empty corner on the wall, getting a stir out of all of them except Mr. Gristle. "And shoots at a reasonable distance, well done, man," the Boss concluded. "Now, Mr. Pickles, have you identified every sewer entrance in town?" "Yes, Boss," the beanpole replied, as he plucked out a map of the steep hill of Cheesebridge. 

   Mr. Snatcher grumbled at a couple of imperfections here and there, but accepted it all the same. "We will use this one until you can make up a new one," he replied plainly. "Oh! Yes, Boss," Mr. Pickles accepted, with a hint of disappointment. Mr. Snatcher nodded as he turned to the gentle looking giant. "Mr. Trout, has the agreement with ‘Loch, Stacchi, and Barrel’ gone through?" "Yes, Mr. Stacchi is willing to accept the discounted payment for gas, like you said." "Perfect! I knew he'd see things out way." He rose from his chair and strides towards his employees. "Lady and Gentlemen, we are coming upon a new era for our little 'family' as it were. With this new curfew in place, we'll surely be able to destroy every Boxtroll in this town. And I will take the place past Snatchers should have taken before me, a White Hat!" 

   "Ooh..." the rest of them replied. 

   A White Hat meant power, prestige, and position. Only a man of valor, chivalry, wealth, or fame could even dream of winning such a prize. It was sure to be Snatcher's soon. "My descendants shall always know the power of respect and brotherhood. Just think of it: Snatchers are, in my experience, a league all their own. A prime example of civilization and culture!"

   "Daddy?..."

   Everyone spun around and in the doorway stood the smallest 6 year old any of them had ever seen. Her long deep, red mop of hair fell gracefully down her shoulders and her brown eyes were wide and full of life, despite their innocence. Lucy looked on her with compassion, Beckham with fondness, and the stooges with humor and joy. Snatcher, on the other hand, grumbled.

   "I told you to stay in bed," he said with almost a threat in his voice. "I-I-I know but I can't sleep." Snatcher rolled his eyes and sighed. "Again? This is the third time this week!" He exclaimed, unamused. Pepper seemed nervous. 

  "Damn that little runt, never sitting still-Lucy!" "Yes, sir!" "You're a girl, go put Pepper to bed!" "Me? I don't know much about putting kids to bed." "I know you don't, but you'll do as you're told. Mr. Marque, you will supervise." "I-I will?" "Yes, I'm done with you two for now anyway. Off with you."

...

   Pepper enjoyed the company of her Daddy's stooges, especially Uncle Becky and Auntie Lucy. Every since Mr. Snatcher had caught them and brought them home like he had with her, she didn't feel as lonely. She also felt more tired. During their off time, they would watch the likes of Inertia Tumbles, Andrew Galaxy, and Pepper's favorite: My Small Horses: Love is Enchantment. 

   After Lucy got her ready for bed and Beckham cooked them something to eat in Mr. Snatcher's fancy, rustic loft, they watched a couple of episodes of Inertia Tumbles, only to have Beckham and Lucy tuck her in just after the second episode. "Am i going to bed?"��"Yes, Miss," Beckham replied. "I don't want to go to bed." "Aww, why not?" He asked. "Because I want to watch Flyer-Meek in My Small Horses. She's my favorite." Lucy laughed. "Me too, tomorrow perhaps." 

   They sent her to sleep and left her there in her pitch black bedroom. Lucy sighed. "Saying 'goodbye' to her is going to be tough when they find out whose team we're really on," she explained, looking at a cardboard box on the counter. Beckham smirked. "Who says they have to find out?"  

[porchingona]

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omg yana, when did you send this?? was it right now?! holy shit ily

idek if these are the questions you sent this ask for, but they’re all under the cut:

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

romantically? my ex

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy at first and then outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my best friend!!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

ahh i don’t like anyone, but i do have friends who take care of me, i love them so much

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

kind, funny people

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

probs not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

bc of question 5, two of my best friends

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not at all.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

i feel like it was my sister

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

literally just says “yes pls”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

“retro” - childish gambino

“go solo” - tom rosenthal

“drunk text romance” - cyberbully mom club

“up all night” - oliver tank

“spagetti” - frankie cosmos

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yessss, love that shit

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

a lil bit. i think it takes a certain amount of luck to be successful. as for miracles, basically when anyone is incredibly close to death, but survives, that’s a miracle

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i got to hang out a lot with my “cousins”

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

on the cheek, sure

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

absolutely i do

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

no!! & i want to because literally no one knows where he is. he doesn’t have social media, but everyone wants to know how he’s doing

19. Do you like bubble baths?

not really, but i havent taken one in a LONG time

20. Do you like your neighbors?

yeah, i mean, i dont interact with them apart from get togethers

21. What are your bad habits?

buying too many books & then not reading them. also, talking a lot about writing, but not actually writing

22. Where would you like to travel?

more areas in mexico i haven’t been to/haven’t been to since i was little, vancouver, spain, greece

23. Do you have trust issues?

no, i think im too trusting sometimes

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

listening to my favorite music on the way to work/school

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my stomach

26. What do you do when you wake up?

check my phone

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

nah

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

apart from my family, probably my best friend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no

30. Do you ever want to get married?

i think i do

hehe

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

barely, but yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

omg idek if i’d have a threesome to begin with

33. Spell your name with your chin.

iksdasbreoioas…yikes

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

what are sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

neither….but if i had to choose, then music

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

oh def. the majority of my crushes

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

usually nothing, if not, i ask them about their day or how they’ve been doing

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone kind & funny, someone who cares about me & what i have to say. someone who asks me questions & listens to me. i know so many ppl who just think about what they’re going to say next & don’t gaf about anyone else. oh, & probably someone who likes the same movies, music & books as me! & if they don’t, then they’re willing to give them a shot.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

anthropologie, zara, forever 21

40. What do you want to do after high school?

i’m already in college

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

not everyone

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

i’m anxious/stressed out & am thinking about everything i have to do

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yes!!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

bottom of the ocean, but i wouldn’t go in a submarine bc they scare me. i’d have to be a mermaid or something to go to the bottom

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

work at 3:30 am

46. What are you paranoid about?

being murdered

47. Have you ever been high?

yes

48. Have you ever been drunk?

def

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

nah, nothing i can remember??

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

red

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

i think so, but not anymore

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

yes, i want abs

53. Favourite makeup brand?

nyx

54. Favourite store?

zara

55. Favourite blog?

yours, yana :)

56. Favourite colour?

yellow

57. Favourite food?

bean burritos

58. Last thing you ate?

a tall caramel macchiato & madelines

59. First thing you ate this morning?

eggs, potatoes, beans, a mini tortilla, this like yellow cauliflower thing

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i won a writing competition in high school & i won my 5th grade spelling bee & some cheer competitions in junior high

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love?

i think so, this is probs the trickiest question bc i’m not entirely sure.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

we were both drunk. really not a big deal

65. Are you hungry right now?

not really, although i’m known to always be hungry

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

equal amount

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

twitter

69. Are you watching tv right now?

yes, im watching potc: the curse of the black pearl. my fave

70. Names of your bestfriends?

i feel like i have a lot…

71. Craving something? What?

ooh maybe ice cream

72. What colour are your towels?

a bunch of different colors, but my main one’s blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

1

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

no, i was never too into them

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

maybe like 2

75. Favourite animal?

orcas

76. What colour is your underwear?

white calvin klein

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

rocky road

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

white

80. What colour pants?

grayish

81. Favourite tv show?

currently: broad city

82. Favourite movie?

little miss sunshine

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

gretchen bc i’m her

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

the dentist’s niece or daughter or whatever bc she has my braces

87. First person you talked to today?

my sister

88. Last person you talked to today?

via text, one of my high school best friends, but the night is young so i’ll probs talk to my sister again

89. Name a person you hate?

donald trump

90. Name a person you love?

my sister!!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

pls see #89

92. In a fight with someone?

nope, which is good bc i dont like fighting with ppl