#ooc: full transparency I sent myself this ask

[bludhavens-finest]

How did coming out as trans go for you? I know most of the time it's a really personal thing so if you don't want to talk about it that's cool?gen

Just curious cause I saw the genderqueer thing in your bio

It wasn’t that I was unaware of trans people as a kid, I knew that they existed and I understood the concept of being trans; but with my parents I was never made to feel any different.

Growing up in the circus with my parents it didn’t really matter if I wanted to dress feminine or if I had “girl” interests, no one told me that I shouldn’t and no one ever expressed to me that in any way it wasn’t okay.

When I lost my parents a lot of that changed. It wasn’t necessarily anything that Bruce himself did but more so just the general environment of upper Gotham. There were always more rules, people were a lot more strict about gender roles and things like that; it was really only at that point that I started to feel like it was something wrong with me.

To an extent it got worse when I was a teenager, although the older I got the further I tried to distance myself from it. It was a bit easier because I could throw myself into work to ignore it.

When I was around 15 I realized I was Bi, and in a way that was easier than acknowledging I was trans. Being bi just meant that I liked more then one gender, yeah it’s a part of me but not in the same way as being trans; because when you’re trans it doesn’t just become one single part of you, it’s all people see.

I think I was 18 or 19 the first time it was apparent to me that there was just something off about the way I looked, like there was some kind of disconnect between how I thought of myself and how I looked. And to be honest it just scared me, I ended up just sitting on the floor of my apartment for awhile trying to figure out why it felt so wrong.

The first person I told was actually Donna, we were doing something together and I just brought it up out of nowhere because I didn’t know how to talk about it, and I think the fact that she reacted as well as she did helped me more then anything else.

I told the rest of the titans before my family, and I told Barbara and Alfred before Bruce. I told Bruce last because we already weren’t talking much, it didn’t seem worth it to tell him anything about my personal life if there was a chance it would go badly, realistically I didn’t think he would care much but it still scared me.

The hardest thing about it was that there wasn’t a simple explanation I could give people, it wasn’t that I was transitioning to be a woman, it wasn’t that I wasn’t a man entirely. It was just that I was both and neither at the same time.

Gender is a complicated and completely personal thing, if a label doesn’t fit you that’s completely fine. If a label helps you that’s equally fine. No one should feel pressured to push themselves into a box that doesn’t fit them, no one should have to pretend to be anything they aren’t.

[xxj0kerxx]

annnnd my rules have been updated! some new changes and removals that were probably needed because the rule was redundant

FIRST OF ALL

🤡 this is a multiverse, multiship, multimuse, indie rp blog (indie krp in some circumstances, depending how you view it because it can be quite subjective). as i have realized, i do not rp “normally” oro at least the standard rpc norms. i follow and prefer to put an emphasis on narrative driven stories with a strong theme. that will be put over the ship. when i look at a “ship” or a thread, i think of a cohesive story. writing the story is priority over smut or fluff filler.

🤡 i do have a discord for ooc and plotting (that will be issued out if asked or requested).

DISCLAIMER!

🤡 all muns and muses are all of age (18+), there will be exceptions where minors will be used in rp as npcs. all gifs used that can be seen in replies are made, by yours truly, me. this theme was not made by me, it was made by the lovely, anacommissions.

ABOUT THE MUN!

🤡 my name is john, him/he, 25, gmt-7 (pacific standard timezone). my activity will be very spotty but rest assure that i am most likely active or around either on tumblr or discord because frankly, i got no life. i am typically more active and responsive on discord because i get notifications and i have a clear preference over using discord over tumblr’s instant message. i can be seen as very controlling and very.. overly-enthusiastic. this is a heavily selective blog, i am very specific and meticulous when it comes to roleplaying. i understand that it should be fun and it will, i just tend to want things to be the best it could possibly be for us or me. i will not sugar-coat it and i will be fully transparent about it. anyways, if you have any questions about it just ask.

🤡 i am really an introvert and can barely hold conversations for the life of me so please bare with me! some will get along better with me, some will not. that’s just life but typically people who are more upfront and say what they have on their mind without fear of prejudice will have my respect and i will open up far much more. i am very easy-going, but i am very hard at getting to know. that is as best as i can word how i am. i may seem intimidating and i could be intimidating, i see myself as intimidating but understand that i am very easy-going and relaxed. all it takes is talking and having a discussion and everything can be resolved rather than keeping things complicated.

RULES | INFORMATION!

🤡 MUNS: all muns have to be 18+ to interact with me. no exceptions.

🤡 FOLLOWING: i do not follow the “follow for a follow back” rule. do not follow me unless you are interested or plan to role play with me. if i follow you, that most likely means i am interested and want to interact with you. if you do follow me, do understand that i notice but i won’t approach you until you do.

🤡 GOD MOD: don’t god mod, it simple as that.

🤡 SMUT/NSFW: if you’re looking for smut on this blog, most likely you won’t find it on this blog. but chances are, smut might occur on this blog and i will tag it accordingly. i will also put them under spoilers for the consideration of others. plenty of nsfw themes will be present on this blog, but you should be aware of that by now if you follow me. when smut does come and you’re not comfortable writing it out fully, i’d be more than happy to fade to black! just let me know, communication is important. i will try to make both of our experiences as comfortable as possible!

🤡 SELECTIVE: as stated before, i am a very heavily selective blog, but don’t let that deter you from coming up or talking to me for a potential thread! i will be very selective with who i pair together, but most things will be discussed between muns.

🤡 POSSIBLE TRIGGERS ON THIS BLOG: full discretion, many taboo topics will be displayed on this blog. i cannot list the entirety of the list of triggers but ask if you are concerned. expect the worst, from mental illness to death will occur.

🤡 FORMATTING: a high preference for small text. i do not like overly formatted replies that are hard to follow and read.

🤡 GIFS: a high preference for 90x90px gifs, but i will not subject others to this. i understand that rpc has a tendency to compact and shrink things, but i will not accept anything below 70x70px. 100x100px and 80x80px are okay! i will be frank, i do not like gifs in replies that are large (300px or over) where it covers the whole post.

🤡 FACE CLAIMS/MUSES:  i will not rp with face claims that do not have acting resources, its my personal preference. i just like the gifs to contextually make sense. on occasions, i will make some exceptions. i also would prefer to keep kpop idols separate from kdrama face claims. exceptions will be made for idols who have acting roles. same will apply to kdrama face claims with western face claims, i would prefer to keep them separate from one and another.

majority of my muses will be male, i am comfortable playing males compared to females. western and korean actors will be prominent on this blog.

🤡 SHIPPING: most likely shipping will be discussed between muns. i usually write with the intentions to what feels organic for the story. also depending, i will ship on chemistry if it works. typically, i usually have something in mind beforehand when it comes to a certain muse when it comes to shipping, but ask. i won’t ship western muses with korean/kdrama muses.

🤡 REPLIES: i will make a constant effort to reply to everyone on a weekly basis. most if not all replies will be sent all at once thursday night or friday. do not rush yourself to reply quickly and take your time. i will not sugar coat this, but favoritism is probably prevalent on this blog. there are certain muses that i have higher muses for than others so those replies will most likely be done quicker and sent out if i feel like it. BUT if you would like to do back and forth, please do ask!! i’ll try to accommodate! the longest i will wait for a reply is a month, i will drop the thread after the 31 day period if it is not replies unless you are on hiatus or mention it to me beforehand. my replies will only take place on dash, i have no interest in rping on discord or instant message.

🤡 EFFORT / PLOTTING: i require mutuals or anyone who roleplays with me to put effort within our thread(s) and plotting. i seek dedicated rp partners who are genuinely interested and care for the material and content. most if not all things will be discussed and talked about when it comes to plotting. i also do not wish to be the only one that does all the work. discussions and feedback are more than appreciated. we can share ideas together and headcanons, i’d really love that! i am the type of person who’d have an idea at 3 am in the morning! but i will drop the interaction if i see no effort or care. do not expect to match replies because replies will vary, but i typically write relatively “long”.

🤡 BAN LIST: problematic people (but that is so subjective), kpop idols, people who were accused of rape or abuse, that one kpop scandal, underaged fcs, deceased people, lee min-ho, amber heard, animated/cartoon characters.

🤡 OTHER INFO / EXTRA NOTES:

depending how you see it, i am somewhat okay or moderately okay with photoshop. if you ask, i can assist and help you out if you want to gif. though my method can be a bit different from others but nonetheless, i’d be more than happy to teach and help you out. if it is the case that you are interacting with me and need resources and you’re willing to put up the time to gif resources for the character, i am beyond grateful and i will surely try to help you as much as i can!! that is, if you’re willing to learn.

also a thing to note that i didn’t explicitly tell in my rules, even though that i have myself as multiverse/multiship. i have that because i like to be limitless and unbounded, but in theory most of my muses are single-ship. once i have the interaction that i specifically wanted, i am usually very content. it is typically hard for me to come up with another “compelling” narrative for the same muse.

please feel free to send asks, i’d love to answer them!! ( i typically don’t use memes as a way to start/make starters because it is light hearted fun to me compared to plotting.)

i can come off as too passionate or overly enthusiastic over muses and plot, which most cases leads me to ramble A LOT. if it is annoying or burdensome, just let me know.

[hazuukashi]

I’m gonna go ahead and answer this here, because apparently posting an askbox reply with 18,000 characters in it breaks Tumblr and doesn’t let me post my response to the anon...

Mmm... I figured this did deserve an answer regardless who it was sent by, so I’ll at least give you that. Under the cut if you please~

I guess the first thing I’ll point out is there’s no need for an excuse as to ‘why I’ve disappeared for a week’. It really shouldn’t matter what I’ve been doin’ with my time, don’tcha think? But, actually. I haven’t gone far. I have been on Junpei and here, especially in IMs just like I’ve always been. Pretty sure people could vouch for that anyway.

Actually, I’ve been addicted to a couple new games, one of which I briefly posted about a couple days ago called Onmyoji. Not that it’s important to explain what game I’ve been playing, but eh, might as well have transparency when possible yeah?

That aside, and addressing the, I suppose you could say, meat of your anon here, truth be told, I haven’t actually read the entire thing so I don’t really know what entirely was said. I’ll try my best to address it though.

I do know there’s quite a bit of lying going on in what people have come to me about and it’s really interesting to see what people are thinking about the whole thing. I know I’ve been asked if I really spam people with ‘30+ messages’ which, my answer is no. It’s never been that much. I do type a lot and have a bunch of messages. Sometimes I say hi to people I genuinely like once a day because that’s the type of person I am! That’s not something that I personally find problematic, but maybe others found it as such. Actually, I’m fairly certain a part of this whole thing is because of that. It’s not that I don’t necessarily understand, but rather that I talk a lot, I’m very social and messages DON’T bother me. If I send one, it’s not that I’m expecting a reply right away but rather if you see it, reply to it. The only ones that I’ll send often are ones where I’m like good morning good afternoon night etc. It’s polite for me to do so, and I have genuinely no problems myself. I think a large part of that though then becomes ‘well you should know that people don’t want to talk to you so often’, to which I’d argue that... Y’know, I’m not expecting them to IMMEDIATELY talk to me. I message them because I like them? I wanna know about their day? Invasive? Perhaps to some, on a case by case basis but I wouldn’t say shit to others that I wouldn’t want said to me. Like, I have genuinely no issues with someone messaging me frequently and if I’m busy I’ll tell ‘em that I’ll reply in a little. It’s absolutely a difference of comfort zones and I get that. I’d apologize in that regard if people feel like they’re pressured to talk to me or if I talk too much? Of course I understand the sentiment. I’m not exactly great with respecting the BOUNDARY of some people if they’re purposely ignoring me for example though. I’ll still say yo or whatever and I don’t expect a message back until they outright say stop.

I’ve also been told, and this was a funny thing from a previous incident involving privatulo and friends that I ‘blog stalk’ and like to ‘stalk IPs’. Wellllll yes and no. See, I don’t stalk blogs. I’m frankly not even sure what that’s supposed to mean. I am aware of people who post about me though, and I’ll openly admit it’s usually because a friend tells me something and I ask them who it is so I can look for myself. If that’s a crime, then I apologize. As to the IP stalking, well, actually yes. I do do that. I’ve never exactly hidden the fact that I have an IP tracker on my blogs. Statcounter to be precise. And I’m well aware that many blogs also have statcounter so I’m not entirely sure why having it up alone on my blog is problematic. What I actually use my statcounter for is to track who sends anons and who visits my blog from outside links. For example, if you link my blog in a google doc and click on that link, I’ll know you went from a google doc to my blog. Same with Discord. I won’t know your identity, and honestly, nor do I really care about it in most circumstances. Where the ‘stalking’ comes in is when, for example, a certain individual thinks they’re sneaky and sends anon hate but forgets that they’re a partner of mine. There was a recent incident with a certain ex-friend of mine in the same group of people as above that got caught sending anon hate to me. How did I find out? They visited my ask link to my blog, statcounter caught the location of their IP and told me that they were in fact a partner of mine (as one of their visits was from their own /followers link that only THEY could access while on their blog when clicking their followers for example). It’s not exactly stalking, moreso putting two and two together. They of course admitted to it and that was that.

As far as this situation with a certain other mun that has actually been extremely aggressive towards myself, I’m not apologetic and won’t be. I’ve made it very clear that I’m not gonna get along with ‘the minor’ that people keep saying I ‘abused’, aside from the one that got caught for sending anon hate. I’ll go ahead and say that this particular individual (not the anon hate one) and I have had multiple discussions and I did apologize that they had to find out that Miles and I vented to each other about their behavior. But honestly? I’m not apologetic for saying what I felt at the time. Not only were they trashing the way that a certain group was run, they were cocky, full of themselves, and beyond aggressive. And even after this post came out, they eventually proceeded to actually tag me in a post, which I liked not as a sign of hostility but rather that I’ve read it since I was tagged. This individual claimed they were ‘the best DR oc’ in the community, continued to trash on a group and salted for not being allowed in, and when I said it was disgusting behavior to Miles, that was leaked as an act of hostility and spite. And not only that, but I didn’t even know that was happening until the user rushed into my IMs going “YOU! YOU’RE GOING TO EXPLAIN TO ME RIGHT NOW” etc. etc. on a blog where I didn’t even know it was them. Yeah... Honestly, I don’t exactly feel apologetic enough on this one. Hate me if you want, but I genuinely don’t think my feelings were out of line here. Like I’m sorry you had to be exposed to private salt, sure. That was never going to be spread to a ton of different people.  And I was also alerted to the fact that they had drawn NSFW art, by three different people, Miles included had said this. And I’m thinking, well lemme see. Sure enough, there was enough NSFW images that made me go: Well this is interesting and not okay considering I had been told they were around 16-17 of age and not of the local legal age to do so. However, the funny part is, it wasn’t actually me that spread it around. There were maybe two people (I’m thinking actually one) that wasn’t in the group when it was mentioned. Did I spread shit about this user? Mmm, no. You wanna know why? Because the group that it was talked about in all saw it thanks to a certain person that’s been called out as well. I’m sure some people remember Jael. They showed us, about all TWENTY or so of us I might add, the screenshots in the private Discord group showing their salty behavior and the potential NSFW drawings were discussed later. So let’s get the facts straight there at least. I’m not going to say I like the user, and I do think they did things wrong. I’m sorry that word got out there as much as it did, as they have claimed in a few posts I’ve seen, but otherwise... I’m genuinely not sorry for saying that I felt like the claims that they drew NSFW art in general as a minor and acted the way they did was considered by myself as ‘toxic’ behavior, because... Well..? I think that’s completely fair to say it was by the group’s standards.

I think that’s mostly what I have to address from what I’ve been talked to about. I will say a few more things though. The first is this: The concept of me ‘using people for information’ isn’t new. These rumors started ever since the Sonny drama from long ago. Those are largely true. I did indeed use Sonny and a couple others (I’m not name dropping them this time) for information, and I did indeed once say, and I quote: “I’m not here to make friends as a primary objective”. Which, in fact, I wasn’t. This was my stance pre-summer last year, but of course things have indeed changed to the point where I would say it’s now the reverse, and some people don’t seem to understand that. I do actually like making friends on here, and that’s one of my main objectives. To address the anon, I’ve... Literally been in IMs talking to people more than posting because I genuinely like talking to people here and on Discord. I love it! As a friend of certain people, I absolutely believe that if someone that I’m NOT friends with is talking shit about a friend of mine, I’m going to tell them. Maybe that’s a bad attitude to have, but I have went to bat on numerous occasions for not only individuals that I love and cherish on here and have really formed bonds with them on an OOC level, but also for groups of people that have been attacked as a collective, and yeah, of course nobody’s asked me to do this, but I want to. I feel like it’s necessary for me to see the truth of the matter.

In regards to this issue, I haven’t spoken about one specific thing: Two of the people involved. I’m actually quite well aware of their feelings as I’ve stated. They’ve made it very clear. One thing I will point out is that a message was indeed sent to them in an attempt for them to read a document that contained the feelings of a few people (not many mind you, but more than just me I’ll admit)  both in IM and in their ask box OFF anon. Supposedly this wasn’t sent to them, although Tumblr had indeed told me it was. I don’t think I was blocked, at least Tumblr didn’t say I was, but perhaps I was? Or Tumblr fucked up again. Of course the link still exists with its original creation date too as further proof that this was the intended route.

In regards to my post on Junpei, no, it wasn’t actually a callout. The purpose, albeit misunderstood understandably so, was rather because I had received a few asks and IMs and even a couple discord messages going ‘what is going on Dustin’. My logic was as such: If things are being spread to others that I haven’t ever talked to before about the issue, how was it being spread? Well, I’m not even sure about the answer to this day, though I have my guesses, and honestly, the post was a last resort dumping of ‘this is what’s happening if you want an answer’.

And this is where I’d say yeah, I absolutely fucked up. There’s quite a few things that happened here. Of course people assumed it was a callout. The way it was written was attacking King, at least in tone, and there technically wasn’t a need to ever make anything public, and although it had been believed that the google document had ‘gone ignored and they continued to spread the drama privately through IMs’ and Tumblr, I presume, fucked up the chances of resolving it privately easily, the end result was rushed and made public unnecessarily. I’ll absolutely apologize for that. I’m not apologizing for the feelings from myself in the post, as that was absolutely a factor. They were proven to have talked to others all under the assumption that I ‘was immediately going to write a public callout’, which... Yeah, I mean I’ve done three times before on this blog... It’s completely reasonable to think that especially from what was said to Anna? But nah, that was never going to be the situation. Involving others into the public post for any reason (again, not naming names, but they know who they are considering they were removed from the post upon request because it wasn’t ever saying they were a bad person but simply addressing an issue they had with being put in my rules) is problematic and I did issue an apology, and an offer to at least say so privately to them which I believe they respectfully and understandably declined.

Back to the anon, have I ignored the callout? For the most part, I would say so. Whatever’s on there is truly what people feel and that’s acceptable for them to think that. Have I done things wrong? Hm. I believe so, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say maltreatment with intent, at least not lately. There’s one individual that I believe you’re referring to in particular to the ‘maltreatment’ at the very least, to which I’ll say, honestly? No. I didn’t. Having a panic attack at work and telling them that I’m not going to talk to them while they’re at work was an act of caring, despite others perhaps not thinking so. I know if I was at work, I would be fired for being on my phone for any amount of time, and stressing about it in the moment or having an argument that could be lengthy isn’t the way to go. I would rather talk about it AFTER work ended, and at least I thought that would be a reasonable solution to the issue until they could spend some time talking to me. Using their screenshots perhaps wasn’t the way to go about it in the end, but there’s much more that needs to be considered here. I’d like to point out that this individual was absolutely all for talking it over with King from the get-go, even explaining that they’d want me to bring them into investigation work more often since we were ‘both justice arcana’ supposedly. The issue I presented to them was that this issue couldn’t be talked about publicly NOR privately without King knowing that they had told me they had said these things in reference to me since... I mean... It’s really not hard to keep track of who you say what to. If I told someone a very specific sentence, it wouldn’t be hard to look into my IMs and find out who I told it to and figure out their identity... I told them that King would probably not like that and MOST likely hate them for sharing their conversation. There’s no maltreatment here. Perhaps not understanding their sense of comfort etc. though. I mean, the only time they had mentioned not wanting to be involved, they outright said so and I told them the following: If it’s discussed about, chances are he would still know, but regardless, I would try my best not to involve them and honestly? I told them numerous times that they didn’t have to do anything and it was fine. Because it was. It’s blunt but they genuinely didn’t have to do anything. They made their point clear. The only time their screenshots were eventually used was when they themselves blocked me, told King that they had talked about them to me and ‘possibly made it worse for King’ and called it quits. At that point, yeah, I have no allegiances to them and I was going to use their screenshots since they already just told King that shit happened? Actually, the callout in question here ended up being the private document that I already explained before.

With that outta the way, do I intend to ‘apologize’? Well, I mean yeah. Despite what’s been said, I do think of myself as MOSTLY reasonable, with the exception of when people attack me or my friends. I’ve always said I’m never the first to do anything but if you attack me or come for me I will bite back, and I think that’s a fair, albeit aggressive motto to live by here. I’ve already been reasonable and mentioned that one person’s mention in my Junpei post wasn’t hostile towards them but addressing a complaint they had. They’re... Genuinely not a bad person? And I told a friend of theirs to tell them that. I’m not sure what exactly was relayed, but I held up my end of the request by removing their name and paragraph and changing the tags appropriately to better match the intent of the post. I offered to say anything they wanted me to in regards to my intentions, addressing concerns and apologizing for things if there’s things that need apologizing for. In my opinion, there are, of course. And some have been highlighted in this post. Some mistakes were made, some information was misconstrued both on my end and others’, but I can apologize for some of the information on my side and actions that came from it. I genuinely don’t have ill will towards most people on this matter, because I mean... When you think about it, I had even told two different people involved that this was a private issue at first. A ‘callout’ is used for those that are insanely toxic, think, y’know, suicide baiting, extreme racism, se.xualization of minors etc. etc. This mainly spawned from talking behind backs, namedropping privately and a difference of opinion, at least my first actions and words were. That’s not exactly callout material; Trust me, I’d know. So no, I don’t think I have ill will towards anybody really that was involved, and of course I’ll gladly talk to people that want to know more; even those individuals involved. I’m not gonna sit around and pray or force myself to talk to them and ‘try to be one big happy family’ or whatever, but anybody that knows me decently knows that I’m usually pretty big on bluntness and transparency. Anything about my intentions, feelings, thoughts, actions, whatever. Yeah, I’ll gladly mention ‘em to whoever wants to know if they’re involved. Hell, they can bring a mediator if they want to or have a group of friends with them in a private chat; It’s their right and it’s fair so why not, yeah?

Now THAT’S about everything I’d hafta say on the matter in regards to the anon. TL;DR: Sure, whoever wants more information or an apology if warranted, yeah, I’m reasonable enough to talk it out and accept whatever the end result is? I don’t exactly ‘hide’ from things like this anyway.