#ooc ; 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑠𝑒

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LIFE UPDATE from my extremely unexpected hiatus

I'm alive. Pretty much what has been keeping me busy has been... Well, real life. Between doctor's appointments, family plans, general plans, trying to squeeze gaming in between, and I have also been trying to focus on my handmade plushies to try and make some extra money which is very very time consuming as it's all done by hand...

Basically there is absolutely not enough time in a day?? to do all of the things I want to do??

Anyways... I am still here, I will come back, I will write again. I fuckin' want to so badly, I am NOT gone nor will I ever be gone "for good." I am just having a hard time finding..... time. Because everything takes too damn long lol 😂

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I need to add the Tibetan Fox, because this little fella looks like someone was drawing a fox but they couldn't get the face right.

best thing about tumblr is seeing pictures of Weird Creatures I’d never heard of before

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Here with an update so people know I am not dead!!

been going through a depressive episode that's been lasting months. My birthday was on November 6 and that was, fine.

Tuesday will be 6 weeks since my appointment at the hospital to talk about my mastectomy, if I don't hear from the surgeon by then I'm to contact them to let them know.

That's what has been my biggest stressor. The overwhelm is genuinely insane, I didn't think it would screw me over so badly but here we are.

I think about roleplay every day I'm not even kidding but the stress, overwhelm and exhaustion hasn't let up to allow me to integrate back into my writing schedules.

I know for certain my brain will be able to calm down once I see my surgeons and can set dates and finally have a physical date to focus on rather than the void. I'm sorry guys for being so ridiculously absent. But I appreciate ya'll not giving up on me!

WHEN I do return, not if, when, I will be finishing and posting all my drafts and such that I have. Whether or not you guys respond to those is absolutely your choice, because I know they will be very old threads. Otherwise, the prospect of new stuff is always there!

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alright imma be real with ya'll

below the cut so that people who don't want to read it don't have to!

real life not so much a vent but I guess close enough because I don't have another word for it lmao

my autistic burnout has been very severe this past while to the point I spend most of my days absolutely and utterly exhausted no matter how much sleep I get, I often can barely keep my eyes open. I've been struggling with this for a few years now but it's extremely bad at the moment.

so that's why I've been very slow with replies lately, I can barely think coherently in real life let alone on here and it's just been really hard to focus on anything.

any energy I have is expended on just basic care for my dogs and I really have nothing left for myself when I'm done.

I really desperately want to write and do my drafts and everything, because I really truly enjoy it, being on here and writing is something I really love but, I'm so wiped out.

just wanted to let ya'll know what's up because I know I've been very slow with my replies lately.

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Don't ya'll love it how tumblr auto-large-sizes your small text but only the last letter or two, and it ends up looking dumb as heck

so it looks like this.

or is it just me that has this problem lmao

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# Delta is innocent and needs a very good lawyer to plead her case

Jubal's shoes: *exist* Delta:

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I FINISHED FALLOUT SEASON 1

AND IM SCREAMING. Internally screaming, but screaming nonetheless. Literally such a flawless show, I absolutely loved and love it, I'm just NJKDNKD I'm fine.

Everything is fine.

but seriously?? gah damn that was so well done?? and it's sparked my Fallout obsession. I was already obsessed but now it's double. I want and need a season 2.

wow wow �� they truly pulled off the BEST video game to tv show adaptation EVER. The best. I'm so happy with everything about the Fallout show and I am so excited for more.

If you haven't watched it, but you're a fan of Fallout, you need to sit down and watch it immediately. If you are not a fan of Fallout....... then you need to sit down and watch it immediately. I said what I said.

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has anybody watched Fallout on Amazon Prime? I'm only on episode 5 but WOW !!! the show is freaking amazing and I'm literally so crazy about it, like it's...... it's, dare I say, way better than The Last of Us. like, miles better. There is so much I was disappointed about with The Last of Us.

with Fallout? I have literally no complaints and I'm actually so blown away with how amazing it is. they really went out of their way to make it SO accurate to the show. all the props, even down to the GUNS man... they got that 10mm pistol lookin' like they just grabbed it right out the game. perfection. just, perfection.

I just love Fallout. so much love. I hope the series makes the roleplay community for Fallout blow up. I wanna see new peeps and old peeps returning to Fallout rp.

I know my ass is currently inactive but I still must see it.

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little update:

another thank you from me no surprise shhhh for all ya'll patience when it comes to my writing! I am VERY slowly getting out of my rut and writing more and more drafts, it's been hard to keep the focus.

Besides that I have been busy, I fully groomed my poodle-mix who was very fluffy, took me all day. Today I had to give my golden retriever a full de-shed... Spring might be coming early folks....

And then yesterday I was out all day for a birthday, and also got contacted by a Pet Talent agency about a potential opportunity for my dog Hayley (the poodle-mix) to be in a commercial, so I've since been very focused on making sure I don't miss a single update from that because I'm hoping she gets the part!

We have a video call tomorrow with the agency and or the client that I'll be thinking about all day and all night lmao

Sooo wish me luck for that!

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I was today years old when I discovered the power to PAUSE your queue. I genuinely did not ever notice that and was like man… I wish I could pause my queue while I’m on this shitty hiatus.

Anyways, little update: I’m glad everybody is still here while I’m not, I do want everybody to know I literally think about yall and your muses every single day and I am not gone permanently.

I just very recently tested positive for BRCA-1, I have a phone call appointment tomorrow with my geneticist to discuss my next steps. So this is what’s on the forefront of my mind right now.

For anybody who doesn’t know what that is, it’s a cancer gene, meaning I’m high risk for developing cancers like ovarian and breast cancer. So in light of that my plan is to have the surgeries done ASAP to have my breasts removed and my ovaries and tubes removed as well so the increased risks go waaayyyy down.

Other than that I’ve been fine, just overwhelmed with life.

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I am putting Bailey on hiatus for now, "retiring" her as a muse, not possibly forever but just for now. The muse for her is very low, and I have to put my foot down on not forcing myself to write for what I have no motivation for.

BUT...

There are a select few people I do have certain threads with Bailey with that I don't mind keeping. Other than this, Bailey is on hiatus and unavailable for new threads. these people are: @wexarethewalkingxdead @aviiatrix @cantxswim @innerwar if we had multiple threads with Bailey feel free to PM me about certain ones! My memory is shite, but I have some in my drafts that I have and don't really remember about any others we may have that aren't in my drafts.

I'll still accept questions about Bailey in the ask box, and I may accept IC memes as well, but they will not be continued into threads.

Bailey will not be removed from my muse list, but her name on the list will contain a disclaimer stating that she is unavailable for new threads.

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Update:

So as of right now the only thing really holding me back is everything I have to do in order to have my 3 new muses ready to write (icons and all the details of the character itself, putting everything from brain to words)

But I am also possibly facing yet another dog that may not work out as a service dog, which means my independence really ain’t looking great for the near future. My service dog is currently 10 years old, so she’s eventually going to retire, and then I have nothing. This is bringing about massive stress because if my other dog doesn’t work out, I might be caught between rehoming her to start over a third time, or keeping her and just not having a service dog anymore which would largely impact my overall health and quality of life. Unless magically I’m allowed a third dog.

This is very stressful, I love my dogs and I don’t want to rehome again. I’m tired of it, I’ve spent thousands of dollars only to be told twice that my dog will likely not make it as a service dog. I’m doing my best to hold myself together but the reality of it all is coming eventually, I can’t avoid it forever.

Thank you all as always for sticking by me and understanding, it means so much ❤️

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LIL UPDATE on my slow ass

anyways, what I am trying to do is write as many drafts as possible before I start posting so that maybe I can try to keep up a bit more decently as I get new responses.

that way I can shift my focus to writing the new things as they come VS new things flooding in and I still have a bunch of old things to write for.

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would anybody be interested if my dumbass made another new shapeshifter type character

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I have had my cousin over since Friday, and she is going home today so I will resume my normal activity on here! Been busy, we’ve been doing a lot of arts and crafts.

Yesterday we spent the entire day painting, and I only managed to get just this one painting done of Spyro! But I’m really proud of it. So I wanted to share it with everyone 👀

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tomorrow is a FREE DAY wow, of nothing planned... this past week has been insane. I am preparing to send my dog to a board and train with someone I know, that's expensive and more than I have but I'll make do because I desperately need it...

There is nothing wrong with my dog, but she is supposed to take the place of my 10 year old service dog, and right now she's a better pet than a service dog. We just have a few little things we need to sort out together, so this training will help set us on the right path.

She's leaving on Monday, we are dropping her off and she'll be away for 3 weeks. I'll miss her lots, but, I think the lesser load of daily chores for me will give me much more time to be on here!! Work on finishing drafts and writing up the new muses I have loading.

I sincerely appreciate everybody sticking with me through my muck, and I also sincerely apologize so much for how absent I've been with my drafts. I lurk every day, I am here, I just am not posting my drafts just yet as I am not ready to right now.