#onward to the next two parts of Absolution i guess lmao

[thirdwifeofriversong]

The science dept in Authority: Hey guys, remember that time that somebody thought it was a great idea to dump 2000 rabbits into Area X?… Man, that didn’t go well… Anyway, John, here’s a tiktok edit of the footage we have. Welcome to the Southern Reach!

Control: ……

Me: …So what really happened with those rabbits, Jeff?

Jeff Vandermeer: Okay, I want you to imagine the most disturbing scenario you can think of.

Me: Got it.

Jeff: Aww that’s cute…. Anyway, here’s the most disturbing scenario I could think of… I added a couple little things— an alligator, some flamethrowers, and a mysterious figure with knives coming out of an ever-opening, screaming mouth. Enjoy! *hands me Absolution*

[velnica]

Lv. 58 — A Saint of Song (part 1)

Here we go again! Timeline wise, Ysayle has quelled the brief unrest, but here is a time stretch between apprising Edmont and Aymeric and the latter running off to confront Thordan. This one happens in that stretch.

Oh Sanson if only you knew that Guydelot has been keeping an eye on you this entire time...

I can't believe he's agreeing with Guydelot. The Sanson from two quests ago would have baulked at the possibility lol.

He looks so excited uttering this line but I didn't catch his animation in time RIP.

It's still 50/50 to me whether the Twelveswood Moogles reveal themselves to Sanson because they could sense that he believes in song, or whether he pestered them enough because he believed in song and they gave up hiding. I think the latter is funnier, and that the Moogles were pleasantly surprised that Sanson chased them down because he fervently believes in the power of song that they resolved to help him from that point on.

These elusive denizens of the Black Shroud are skilled in the manipulation of aether, their arcane arts allowing them to remain undetected by all but the most determined or gifted of seekers. In the course of recent events, Eorzeans have also become aware of a second moogle clan dwelling in the Churning Mists of Dravania. — Encyclopædia Eorzea vol 1, page 256

The way he looks so dejected here yet still holding out hope for Guydelot to return... And he knows that Guydelot now also believes in the Ballad so he's keeping that little fact close to him as comfort.

If Guydelot runs away to conceal his feelings, Sanson just keeps advancing, because stopping might mean having to confront the fact that Guydelot isn't there.

In my headcanon I think he does at least say his goodbye to Sylviel at this point, but of course he doesn't linger long. The only way to go from here is onward, else he would be failing the Adders, failing Guydelot and also failing himself.

SURPRISE!!! (not really, this man is kinda Tsundere at this point that he HAS to stay around lol)

Oh babyboy don't worry, big sis is here to knock some sense into your head.

Sylviel absolutely and totally knows what's happening here.

LMAO the way Guydelot petulantly turns around; cheeks aflame, no doubt.

Love it when WoL has been through some fantastical journeys that not even contemporary scholar actually knows what's happening lol. We making history!

I am curious how many times has Guydelot needled Sylviel about his meetings with Sanson by this point, because Sylviel's chastise has this fond exasperation laced through it. He's probably shaking his head at these two youngins who just refuse to confront their feelings head on.

Reminder that Guydelot is canonically a 22 year old country boy; he may have a swagger about him, but he's inexperienced though he might not want to admit it some days. Guydelot eschews formal authority, but he is not above asking for a trusted friend's counsel. I'm sure he's asked Jehantel for many pointers too!

Fjora doesn't like mincing her words, it's what's worked for her and by the Woods she will make it work for this boy.

Stubborn, stubborn little brother...

OC note: Fjora really does latch onto Guydelot because she can see in him something of Cora. Except for the fact that Guydelot is endlessly stubborn while Cora is more go with the flow kind of person.

A towering edifice, creatures beyond the dream of a Gridanian country boy and still Sanson is stuck in his books... But for a different reason this time 🥺

The complete change of reason here to record what he sees is so... IS SO...

THEY BELONG TOGETHER YOUR HONOUR!

It's not enough that Sanson trusts Guydelot's skill, here he practically admits that he wants to hear Guydelot write a song about Anyx Trine is just... my heart...

And now he lets you lead! He's realised that he needs to take a step back, to listen to those who have better ideas about what to do next instead of strong-arming his way into getting information. And guess what, it's working wonders.

Speaking of going up to Sohm Al, it is a goddamn dangerous climb, despite Tioman being gone. I can just imagine Guydelot sticking real close by—to Fjora's exasperation—so that he can safely follow them. And I think I've written this in Breathe In, but I can also see him pause at moments to play his harp, out of earshot, to soothe the dying dragons in Mourn.

Also Fjora would have to have introduced Sanson to Vidofnir in Anyx Trine too. Imagine, meeting dragons! But Guydelot isn't there to share his awe. Oh well, Sanson will just have to record everything in great details so that Guydelot feels like he was there too.

Reminder that the Churning Mists is way up there around that giant floating rock. Moghome is attached to it but the rest of the area (Zenith, etc) are floating islands.

Ugh, the pining...

It's not IF, but WHEN. He is sad that the bard doesn't get to see this view first hand but by the Matron he will try his best to let Guydelot experience it in however small way he could. He's recording this all down specifically for that reason and that reason only; Sanson wants desperately for Guydelot to be here.

For the love of the Matron, Guydelot, JUST TALK TO HIM

You stubborn, pining fools... the both of you...

You're absolutely right, Sanson.

[Continued in Part 2]

[safyresky]

Frostmas Year Three: Behind the Scenes

Prologue | Y1 | Y2 | Y3 | Y4 | Y5 | Y6 | Y7 | Y8 | Y9 | Y10 | Y11 | Y12

---

oh my god this is the I'M TELLING MOM AND DAD chapter! I did not realize this until I decided "Man, you know what'd be a great distraction from work? A Frostms BTS!" and I am DELIGHTED to dig into this one, and HOPEFULLY resist the urge to throw it back in the doc manager and rewrite it.

Before I yell ONWARDS a quick note: I can't for the life of me figure out how tf to do levelled bulleted lists with the new post editor. I managed to conjure them the other day but when I previewed the post, it was just a bulleted list. So we'll have a bit of a new format for these next Frostms BTS posts! :)

Alrighty. ONWARDS

Jacquie's Intro

"This strange tingling feeling deep within my core…" that's magibean for ROSEHAVEN MAGIC SUSSING HER OUT :)

"are we really starting with PAIN Dani?" yes, shut up and enjoy the angst 😘

"spoilers, you know!" I am still marathoning Doctor Who at this point. We've reached River territory, 100% :)

SO YEAH, Meet the Frosts never happened in Frostmas, so now we're seeing WHY Mother Nature visiting was so important and laid the groundwork for reunions in Crystal Springs!

I guess Y3 is kinda like, the upside-down version of Meet the Frosts, lmao.

Okay. MEAT TIME.

Scene 1 &2: I'M TELLING

We're one scene in and I'm already itching to go back and adjust the third person perspective so you can still clearly hear Jacqueline

initially when I started Frostmas, I was going to switch between first person and third omnipresent

but then i was like, wow, jacqueline's really fun to write as (she's a whole lot of me tbh, just with an amped up chaos meter and a shittier filter than I have)

so when you read through frostmas now, in recent chapters, if she's not there she's still narrating--this chapter desperately needs a touch up to reflect that 😅

"Grinning, Jack got an idea. A terrible, awful idea" yes this is a Grinch reference, 100% :)

"Bernard considered all of Jack's recent "brilliant" ideas: the preordered parts (ended in catastrophic toy malfunctions with several elves sustaining crazy injuries in overnight at the Elfirmiry), ordering things online (secret of Santa was apparently not a thing for Jack), and not to mention the theme music thing. They had all ended in disaster" not me dropping more hints about how this whole shebang goes :o

my GOD i need to tidy this year up. ANYWAY.

Scene 3: the twins answer the door

and CHAOS REIGNS

ha, not yet

but gosh, the TWINS, who do NOT know Jack, answering the door like "the fuck?"

we're off to a great start, huh, Jack? >:)

AND THE SHOE DROPS! STRIKE ON DURING THIS VISIT FOR JACK--FRESH SIBLINGS WHO DON'T KNOW HIM BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS NEVER TOLD THEM

AND FROSTMAS ERASED THEM FINDING OUT ON THEIR OWN :O

originally the anti-concious thing was supposed top be Pyros's cursed influence, LITERALLY PMAN, but I'm not so sure it's Pyros HIMSELF now. I think it's just like, the effect of his curse--doing everything in it's power to keep the sprite extra-frozen

my god i'm diabolical.

maybe the real villain was the writer the entire time :o

ANWYAY

Goddess of the Springs bless Blaise. The man's patience knows no bounds. He sees his estranged son at the door, his eldest daughter ready to throw down, and his two youngest absolutely unaffected and he's like "we should talk this out I think". Love him for it.

FOCUS MODE! THIS IS BTS, NOT A SELF-REVIEW

I do love this tho bc I only recently realized that Blaise's core is HOPE. Man's so full of hope, it's no WONDER that when Jack pops in in this wonky illegal timeline, his first instinct is "okay let's chat and explain things and see if maybe we can make this work" and also "holy fuck where's my wife at this is a LOT" (not pictured)

Blaise's tell, 9/10 times, is his hair. He plays poker extinguished, as a fun fact :)

GOD. I CAN'T READ THIS NOW IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2022 CAUSE ALL I CAN THINK IS THAT SCOTT SANTA IN THE SANTA CLAUSES LOOKS SCARIER! GOD! FUCKING! DAMN! SHIT! FUCK!

ANYWAY, enter Winter!

I was always like, hmm, maybe she wouldn't have fainted, and I've lost count of how many times I've been like "oh no. fainting isn't what would happen. can people faint bc of shock? (googles fainting) (reads up on shocks) OKAY I SUPPOSE IT WORKS.

it was a combo of humour but also a devastating blow, or it was SUPPOSED to be, bc you'd be like "wholly shit. she FAINTED? good lord, upside down meet the frosts inDEED"

Scene 4: SNITCHES GET STITCHES

Wow holy SHIT this is so short?

this chapter, that is

nothing else big was planned for this year, though, admittedly. Jack tries to reunite with the family, fails!

at least, I don't THINK anything else was planned

but Everything up to the first half of Y6 was lost in 2016 when my computer took a steep dive about. 3ish feet off of a counter top and onto the stone floor bc I tripped on the cord while grabbing the phone

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

ANYWAY yeah, short chapter! but now's the fun part.

If the twins was the first strike, then Blaise being a bit cold perhaps would be the second strike--leaving Winter, who is now across from Jack at the head of the table

(something something symbolism for head of house and power and such)

leaving Winter as strike three >:)

Blaise trying to reign in Jacqueline for this entire discussion is giving him greys as we read, tbh

Jacqueline: I'll spare you the long winded details, reader

Jacqueline, two years later: Here are all the long winded details, get fucked I am processing Trauma

Dani, IRL looking at the staunch difference in word count between the first half and the second half: what hell have I wrought

Jack: I've been reflecting and such!

Blaise:

Writing Winter's no was so cathartic.

She is a very scary lady and we don't really see it bc she's also a Mom, and very warm and about being together and such

But she is VERY scary. Her season, her EVERYTHING can be TERRIFYING.

And to have that be turned on Jack, especially after the DoD and how she played the mediator then?

CATHARTIC I TELL YOU

AND THIS NEXT BIT

I almost flubbed up, let me tell you guys. I almost froze Jacqueline right here on the spot and then went wait, wait hold up. This is too early, let me double check my notes

do I remember what they said? no!

but the jist (gist??) of it was that this is where she gets the idea, but doesn't do it

now, older and wiser than 2015 Dani, I can tell you with certainty that this is most definitely where it starts happening. I mean, how could it not? She's tired, she's frustrated, she's been in this shitty timeline for tHREE YEARS and nobody else seems to be like 'well this seems wrong and bad'. Her brother is back but not at all like she had ever HOPED he'd be, and he's being an ASS and she's really, REALLY angry and what sprite wouldn't, when face with all of that, freeze their lil hearts?

Jacqueline, apparently, and this is b/c, SEMI SPOILER ALERT FOR Y11, Winter staves it off

YOU READ IT HERE BOYS!

Winter coming up and supporting Jacqueline, even that simple little act of saying "i love you" and hugging her, staves off (but doesn't stop) her eminent freeze.

Anyway. If your friends and loved ones are having a rough time, a little love goes a long way is all we here at SafyreSky industries have to say

Even if it is through the allegorical concept of sprites freezing (hardening) their hearts :3

Anyway, got ahead of myself bc of this flub lmao, which is obvious when you actually read the last bit KNOWING I beefed it haha

Jacqueline being like "This was only strike one" is Dani being like "SHIT I FUCKED UP AND NEED TO RESET, AH!"

But it's safe enough to say from this point on, Jacqueline's starting to freeze :o

oh and also

"Jacqueline Frost never cries" is BULLSHIT. She cries, alright. She just pretends she doesn't so she can keep up her "cool" appearance/reputation :)

but she does cry!

you heard it here folks, crying is cool 😎

Anyway. This was a FUN ONE to distract me from work! And quick! I'm going to have to tidy up Y3 at some point, it's slightly off. but it still holds up alright :)

[tobebugjewce]

THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 

Technical Support 1978 

then, 

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

[mimik-u]

“Little Graduation” Thoughts:

Baker boy Lars is so soft. 🥺

AWHWHWH, SADIE LOOKS SO GOOD!! The ponytail, the jacket around her waist!

Oh, and the fact that Steven is taller than her now has me feeling some sort of way.

“Everything just feel so easy.” OH, I love that for her. 🥺

Lmao, Steven fjdkdjdknske where’ve you been if Shep and Sadie have been dating for two whole months

The theme of this episode is going to be moving on, isn’t it, and Steven struggling to do the same. 😭 Ouch.

Lars asks Steven, “Don’t you want to try something new?” It’s an echo of something that Amethyst said in the first or second episode of Future, where she asked Steven what he wanted to do.

“Except for me... I’ll still be... right here.” 😭😭😭😭 (You know, I really want some gem or human to tell Steven that it’s okay that he doesn’t have it figured out yet. Everyone’s path to growth is unique. Hell, when Sadie and Lars were his age, they certainly didn’t have it figured out yet. At the same time, though, I think this existential angst comes a very specific place. For so many years, Steven’s identity was predicated around the possibility of war and his role as a savior, a healer, and a confidante to so many broken people and gems. And now that the war is over, he absolutely doesn’t know how to leave those paradigms behind, to move onwards, and to grapple with the fact that things change.)

(I’m reminded me of the Odyssey. At war for ten years, Odysseus struggled to leave the war behind on his journey home, turning to violence and bloodshed as his go-to solution for confronting a tricky problem. It’s hard to escape an established pattern. Indeed, at the end of Book 24, a goddess had to tell him to lay his weapons down.)

Steven casually floating downwards to say hi to Sadie and Shep and then falling is such a good detail djdjdnsnssn.

SHEPPPPP!! I love them. 🥺

I’m going to have a lot of secondhand embarrassment watching this episode, aren’t I?

Nooooooo, don’t bring up the island, Steven.

Noooooooooooooooo.

I love how tall Shep is compared to Sadie djdjdidns.

Lars in a black leather jacket is a Look™️.

Lmao, Steven has always been Larsadie’s #1 fan... and not necessarily in the most productive of ways. When he was younger, he interfered with them a lot then, too, trying to artificially produce the resolution between them that he thought was right—like that time he possessed Lars’s body.

“Yeah. Are you okay?” Oof.

BUCK????? MEDICAL SCHOOL???? HELLO?????? That’s so good, but omg, unexpected.

I want a jacket for my phone. 🥺

I keep pausing the episode when I sense an embarrassing moment coming up, haha. Why am I like this

“Oh, jeez.” Lars knows that Steven’s spiraling over all these changes. Man, I love their friendship.

THE SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT IS SO REAL. AGGHDHDHDJS. STEVEN, NOOOOOO.

Oh, this song is so pretty. ;-; Also, anyone know what instrument Shep is playing? It’s like a recorder but electric????

UGHHHHH. His powers are manifesting a literal dome around everyone to prevent anything changing. OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH.

“I think this dome activated as a reaction to some powerful feeling someone here has been bottling up. And, I guess we all know who that is. Lars!” STEVENFNDKDDKJDDJ.

You know what’s so sad and simultaneously poignant? If Steven were human, there would be no pink dome that served as a visible metaphor for his feelings of abandonment and displacement. And yet, if he were human, that dome would still be there, just invisible.

“That’s because it was private!” And now, because of Steven, it isn’t anymore. Aughhhgghhhhhh.

And another thing that has me sad. Like, in Sadie and Lars we’re getting an example of how friends can drift apart. Y’know, it isn’t anyone’s fault; it’s just a part of growing up. Jesus, this show.

“But if there’s nothing to work out...” And then the camera pans out to everyone staring at Steven. HHHSHSH, I’m laughing, but I’m also crying.

And now the “walls are literally closing in on Steven.” 😭😭😭

“... all my friends are going to die!” / “It wouldn’t be the first time.” ISOSOSSKSKS. Lars, I love you.

Lmao, Shep gets it.

“Steven, you’re great, but you need to let us live our own lives.” 😭😭😭😭 Sadie’s right, but it still hurts.

I like how Steven just almost literally killed his friends with the force of his emotions, and then they all casually walked away, like, “Bye. See you, Steven. Same time next week?” (But hhhhh, I also kind of hate it, too. Give me catharsis!!)

I’m sensitive. I’m sitting here tearing up at Lars and Steven hugging. 😭😭

The “Welcome New Students” banner is unfurled, and Steven glances down. Old students move on, and new students arrive. That’s the nature of life... and Steven doesn’t know where his place is between it all.

Not Steven laying on the top of his car in the middle of the woods with an empty pizza box. 😭😭😭😭 No, my heartstrings.

God, this episode. I’m in pain.

[uservillanelle]

Killing Eve ― 3x06 (Review)

The time has finally come for yet another review. I can’t believe we only have two more episodes and it will be the end of season 3. Seriously, Killing Eve should AT LEAST have 10 solid episodes per season as most of other shows do. It would be just enough content (more than we get now) and without having to stretch things out. Now, theres A LOT to talk about, so I’ll try my best to touch upon as many things and details as I can! So sit back, grab your tea/coffee and let’s get started!

Title cards

I covered this topic back in 3x04 review, but they did it again, and this time the title card game is somewhat different. It’s really apparent that they are experimenting with editing and trying new things and that’s good, because we know that not only they want characters to develop, but to improve and change the editing and production of the show itself.

It was a bit unusual when they swapped from location titles to character names back in 3x04, but this time it was actually fun. I mean “PISS OFF FOREVER?!” This cracked me up sooo bad, I had to rewatch it several times lmao!! And don’t even try to tell me that they left Niko alive for THIS. It’s not the first time he rejects Eve and wants to get away from her, so what is the point of that scene with him? We didn’t get any new information or knowledge. So... I’ll call that waste of precious screen time which, in this case, should be dedicated for Eve’s personal character story because hell, she’s the one who deserves it the most.

Then they did it again with CUBA/NOT CUBA and honestly it cracked me up, AGAIN! I actually loved they did something like this, even though it kind of gave this comedy type of feel knowing how dark and complicated this show actually is. And of course the “THIS IS BULLSHIT” was exactly what Oksana said at the meeting with Helene not so long ago, so them reflecting on that and showing the phrase as a title is so relatable and at the same time kind of expresses how Oksana feels and what she thinks. 

So far they haven’t really decided as to what kind of editing style they are going for, but I do hope that at the end of this season they realize how they will carry the show onwards starting with season 4, because them keeping this up and changing things constantly is not a good thing. Many people find it annoying and really, they aren’t used to any of that, so I hope season 4 will have a more consistent style when it comes to editing and carrying the main storylines, ect!

Niko (ft. Eve)

There isn’t really much to talk about here, other than... Niko being alive makes NO sense, whatsoever. I personally wasn’t expecting to see him being killed off or anything similar to that, but since they basically PITCHFORKED him, just let him die, okay? There is NO way he could’ve possibly survived something like this and that means they have to have a VERY big reason that would, you know, justify him surviving so fans can “ignore” the fact that it doesn’t make sense to begin with. So far, they didn’t provide any reason for that. Niko didn’t say anything useful to Eve... nor did Eve. She was just rejected again and had a confrontation with Niko’s uncle, I believe. Wow, someone of his family members don’t like Eve. What a shocker, right? 

One of the very few options that I could see happening and making sense is for Niko to be alive and for Eve to make a decision and choose Villanelle over him. Not because she lost everybody and she’s the only one she has left, but to be able to choose her because she WANTS to. Instead, what did we see? We saw a very desperate and determined Eve who’s willing to go that extra mile to find whoever hurt Niko. Despite everything, a part of her still has hope for them even now so maaybe, after those fancy “PISS OFF FOREVER” words, Eve will finally come to her senses? Even though most of following scenes had her feeling the same way. So I really have no idea what else to expect and why Niko is still there. 

There’s also a theory going around about how Eve should pull the plug and kill her husband lol. I mean, that way, their conversation from the very first episode about how Eve could kill Niko and that storyline could come full circle, but given what we saw of Eve and her values and mental state.. yeah I don’t see her doing that anytime soon, or ever, in fact. She’s still clinging to Niko somewhat and she must go REALLY wild and dark in order to do something like this. Though, I must admit... I kind of would love to see it as well! At the end of the day we all want dark!Eve to rise... and she is getting there, believe me!

Villanelle & Helene

I’m very conflicted about this duo. Especially after watching the promo/preview of upcoming episode. Yeah... I’m just going to throw it out there. I think Villanelle will end up killing Helene. The meeting wasn’t exactly successful, as Dasha of course lied to Villanelle about having all the control or probably, the description of a Keeper is quite different to Helene and Dasha than what Villanelle already knew about it thanks to Konstantin. So.. could it be that back in 1x07 Konstantin lied to her? Or that Dasha told Helene something different to get Villanelle in line and believing she is actually “moving up” in the world? Honestly, still much to think about.

I LOVED Villanelle’s, or should I say, Oksana’s outfit during the meeting and especially how big of a mess her hair was. I mean the hair perfectly reflects her inner state and yeah, she IS  a mess and she has every reason to be. Someone previously mentioned how Villanelle was the one who went to Russia, but it was Oksana who left it and now I’m starting to really see and feel just how true it is. I mean this episode was almost all Oksana, except a couple of moments where she tried her best to keep her defenses up, for instance being sarcastic with Helene. “Are you trying to seduce me?” I mean... I wouldn’t mind them getting some.. buut, it’s not going to happen. Still, those lines were hilarious as much as they were iconic and yeah, in that moment she was trying to play her main character, which is Villanelle but as soon as she spotted the post card it was over. Oksana took over and she freaked out. The bad thing about this is that she is very emotional and very vulnerable right now, her mind and emotions are all over the place and that could be why she didn’t really think about Dasha being the one who lied to her? Or maybe she did think about it but we aren’t aware of it yet? This can’t mean anything good and I am honestly concerned for her. 

What else I noticed from that scene is that Helene was quite open in terms of deciding to speak to her daughter I’m guessing, in front of Villanelle while not really you know, feeling like she could be in danger? Despite the fact that she is literally standing in front of a killer. I guess she is really used to that and her job is meeting a lot of assassins and other dangerous people? And then there is Villanelle who keeps asking her all kinds of questions, silly or not, she did ask whether Helene was her real name and yet she didn’t answer. In fact, she didn’t answer any of Villanelle’s questions and that is again, concerning. So maybe Helene isn’t her name, but that’s kind of ironic, knowing that Villanelle isn’t really her name either. So yeah, seeing Helene be so...cool around Villanelle especially while she was freaking the fuck out should say something and that probably means she knows exactly how to handle such people and situations like this. I’ll definitely keep my eyes on her from now on. 

Eve

Our precious Eve is finally getting some quality screen time. Not enough, but at least she’s getting some. What I absolutely LOVED about her in this episode is just how confident and sure she is about Villanelle not being the one who hurt Niko. Yeah, let’s remember that the last time she and Villanelle saw each other was on the damn bus where they had a major fight and a kiss. That was Villanelle and she was such a smug asshole there and everything and thinking about this now, it’s completely different person from who Oksana is and it’s mindblowing actually. So to think that Eve didn’t consider Villanelle being the one who hurt Niko, despite there not being ANY evidence that state that is just... their connection is simply incredible. No matter how many times Villanelle and Eve end up hurting each other, they STILL have this hidden trust within each other that I find extremely fascinating and then Eve gets the photos of Bertha Kruger and of course, that’s what Villanelle was doing while Eve was in Poland coming to visit Niko. I’m glad that there is this alibi in Villanelle’s defense to show that she was doing something else, KILLING someone else at the time and the fact that Eve thought that it was Villanelle who killed her, even if she did it in a “nice” way... is beyond me. There is really no one else who knows and understands Villanelle/Oksana better than Eve. Period. 

Another important aspect that is worth mentioning is the fact that the writers are kind of robbing Eve of screen time and character development. We haven’t seen her much this season and especially during the previous couple of episodes and even in this one it seems like Carolyn got more screen time than she did and Villanelle as well, who JUST had her solo episode, which is kind of unfair. However, I do think Villanelle deserved to have her own episode now since her character is going through such a huge change, meanwhile Eve is going through her thing, but it doesn’t feel like it’s as huge and as extreme as it is for Villanelle. At least that’s what they’re showing us. But yeah, I think season 2 was way more about exploring Eve’s inner darkness than this season, which is more about acceptance of her dark self and her feelings for Villanelle. Let’s just trust the writers and see how they will handle Eve’s character during the next remaining episodes and only then we can actually judge the crew and the lack of screen time Eve received, because really, what I noticed this season is that Suzanne really wanted to show EVERY character and so far she has been sucessful in that for the most part, with one flaw, that is the screen time management and yeah, we shall see how that aspect is handled in the next episodes!

Villanelle & Konstantin

So we got the hockey game scene. I’m glad to know that Konstantin didn’t set Oksana up by sending her to some strangers. One of the highlights of their conversation was Konstantin’s comment about Oksana’s mother who he thought was INSANE rather than evil and was hoping for Oksana to awknowledge it instead of killing her. Guess she didn’t really consider it as an option? But does that mean then that Oksana as just as insane and isn’t aware of it just like Tatiana wasn’t? At the same time we know that Oksana KNOWS there is something wrong with her, at least that’s what everybody else keeps telling her, so I wouldn’t call her insane. At the same time seeing that Konstantin wanted to give this chance for Oksana to get some kind of closure by being with her family and especially her mother does show just how much he cares about her. Until... their conversation shifts. Again.

So apparently Oksana knows about Konstantin’s plan to “get out” and she is suddenly interested in joining him. Now this part of the conversation PAINFULLY reminds me of their last interaction of season 2 finale. Especially the part where Konstantin chooses his family instead of Villanelle, who is ALSO his family, whether he admits it or not. They might not be related by blood, but he IS her father and seeing not only her own mother reject her but her father as well will do things to you. So again, Konstantin leaning towards choosing to leave with Irina and leaving Oksana behind only to promise her that he will come and get her is not enough. He betrayed her several times... he left her at the prison in season 1 even though he “tried” to get her out of it. He betrayed her at the end of season 2 by choosing his family over her, and now... now it feels like ANOTHER betrayal is coming and to be completely honest I don’t think Oksana can handle so much rejection at the moment. Of course, Konstantin can’t just pick Oksana over his own daughter, but it’s wrong to play with her like that. She killed her own mother and left her blood family in order to get back to her REAL family who is Konstantin and Irina and neither of them show enough of determination to bring her along which really saddens me. I mean Oksana went through enough as it is... I’m not sure how she will get through this if Konstantin will leave her again... and I won’t have it either. They better not do it again.

Villanelle & Irina (ft. Konstantin) 

I just love, love, LOOVE these two together. I mean 1x08 is one of the most iconic Killing Eve episodes and they are the biggest reason why. I’ve been waiting for them to get together again and those a couple of scenes they got to spend together didn’t disappoint. I LIVE for their interactions. I mean what can be better than two sisters bonding? Especially when it’s Vasiliev sisters. Them fighting like true siblings do, having fun while both of them having this insanely chaotic driving session and at the same time touching upon going to CUBA as well as finding out Irina’s feelings towards her own mom and her boyfriend, who Villanelle doesn’t see any reason NOT to encourage her to kill him lmao! I mean, first Irina sarcastically calls Villanelle a “real role model” and 15 seconds later she is literally driving over her step-father LOL! I mean... I am SO proud of her. She really did take her sisters advice on this without much of thinking and at the same time I am kind of concerned about her. We all saw Konstantin’s reaction to her driving over the guy and well... that’s not exactly the best thing to do.

In Oksana’s defense, I do think she was trying to be helpful in giving Irina this advice, since we all know that’s how she normally chooses to solve problems. By killing. Plus, I don’t think she actually expected Irina to take her advice either way. Let’s take Tatianas case for example. Yes, it’s a lot different because she was mentally abusing Oksana for years and there was lack of affection and all that, so Tatiana definitely deserved it. In Irina’s case... she’s just “disgusted” of seeing her mom with her boyfriend all the damn time and I don’t think she should’ve killed anyone for that. Besides, she was already preparing to leave with Konstantin so what’s the point? She wouldn’t have to put up with them anymore, yet she did it anyways. And what stands out for me about this is that we see Oksana not wanting to do any of that anymore, no more killing, just wanting to get out of this assassin thing meanwhile Irina just had her first kill. Kind of beautiful in a way, of having one of them ready to quit this way of life while having one of them indirectly influence and push the other into the beginning of such dangerous path. And from the looks of it, Irina didn’t seem to feel bad for driving over her step-father, like AT ALL. So I wouldn’t blame Oksana for the whole thing. Yes, she planted the idea in Irina’s head but it was her who actually did it and didn’t feel bad about it.

This whole dynamic just makes me want to remember the lunch scene in 1x08 where Villanelle asks Irina “Are you a bad person?” “I don’t know yet” well, guess now we are starting to see the person she is becoming and yeah I don’t think any of us saw this coming, that their previous conversation could be a foreshadowing in this way!. I’m VERY glad they decided to bring Yuli back this season since she is one of fan favorites and like I said, the dynamic between Villanelle and Irina is just great!

Konstantin, on the other hand... guy is in serious DEEP shit this season and now having to witness his actual daughter kill someone... yeah, I think having to handle Oksana is complicated enough and she alone manages to drive him mad so now the idea of having TWO mentally unstable daughters... yup, it’s time to do something about this. At the same time I kind of see the parallel between Oksana and Irina and how they could be reflecting one another. Tatiana wasn’t there for Oksana most of the time and didn’t show her any affection, ect. Konstantin is of course not as bad as Tatiana was, but the fact is, is that he is not really there for Irina. She’s not really getting as much of his attention and love as Oksana gets from him since she’s so demanding. So it makes sense for Irina to become more like Oksana, having them both be neglected by their parents in a way.

ALSO!!! Is it just me or is Konstantin the FATHER of the entire show lol?! A lot of people thought that he might be the one who killed Kenny. Now, all out of sudden he might actually be his father?! Yes, the thought did cross my mind but I never expected them to address it in that way. So... based on Carolyn’s forried look and silence that followed afterwards... this is the confirmation? Konstantin is Kenny’s dad then? Or maybe Carolyn isn’t sure of that either? Life is SO much more complicated in Killing Eve, I swear lol! Then there’s the thing with Geraldine... not sure where they are getting with this yet. Feels like we don’t really know anything about Geraldine just yet and really.. so far it just seems like she has daddy issues which could explain her amazing bond with her father and him not being there anymore. (I assume he died). Funny enough, we see Oksana having mommy issues. Yes. It is a thing now. And I’m not very excited to see where Konstantin/Geraldine thing is going... 

Carolyn (ft. Geraldine)

We finally get to see Carolyn uncovering more information about Kenny’s case and actually it brings more questions than answers if you think about it. Kenny calling Konstantin, him possibly being his father, Geraldine kissing Konstantin and so on. This is suuch a mess. 

The long awaited conversation with Geraldine gave us more insight as to why Carolyn is so cold towards her daughter and I get it. Really. What I don’t realy get is the fact that Geraldine decided to not mention Konstantin coming to visit her while insisting her mother to talk about Kenny. If she wants them to be truly open about things and just have a honest conversation, she has to open up about other things as well. That includes Konstantin. And gosh, she better tell the truth in the next episode because I’ve had enough with all the lies. Plus the season is almost over and we hardly know anything about her. Please, Suzanne, don’t let us down on this!

Eve & Dasha

I just love how easily Eve teleported to Barcelona lol! I’ve been also waiting for their face off and it happened. I was expecting something a lot more... crazier, physical, but all they did was basically annoy each other by fighting over VILLANELLE and their importance in her life while having this bowling match. The fact that Eve has NEVER done it before makes the whole winning aspect sooo much more delicious and come on, Eve just HAD to notice how Dasha missed one of her strikes as soon as she mentioned that Niko was still alive. Makes me wonder if its THAT easy for someone to throw Dasha off her game, yet she’s soo narcissistic and so ahead of herself. 

Eve’s trust in Villanelle continues to AMAZE me, like no matter what Dasha told her she STILL denied all of her bullshit as if it was nothing and that is coming from someone who had only met Villanelle a handful of times. This is such a nice parallel to season 2 finale where Carolyn told Eve that Villanelle wouldn’t do the same for her. Not only did Eve figure out who Dasha was and that Villanelle was working for her, but she actually went to Barcelona to confront Dasha like that and call her out without much of hesitation. Again, Dasha mentioned “killing” Eve and that is concerning. There is a reason Carolyn told Eve that Dasha ended up killing one of her own... and that, I feel, is huge foreshadowing for upcoming episodes. Dasha IS the problem and she will cause even more. Honestly, I’m afraid she might do something to Villanelle or Konstantin for that matter. After all, she DID kill one of her own to save her own ass and I bet she can and will try to do it again.

Villanelle/Oksana (ft. Dasha)

To put it lightly, Oksana is a mess. She is going through a LOT. We’ve never seen her this vulnerable and emotional before and she has EVERY reason to feel this way. Now, it is sad that people seem to be struggling to separate Villanelle from Oksana. Like I’ve mentioned in my previous post, this episode was almost 95% Oksana and the rest 5% of her trying her best to look somewhat like her old self mostly at the meeting with Helene and during her next kill. After killing her own mother, she doesn’t see or feel the same way about killing. At least not right now. It’s a lot more difficult for her to turn her emotions off now that they are so intense and she can’t focus clearly. She is becoming sloppy at her job and she doesn’t want to do any of it anymore. Now that I’m thinking about it, we’ve seen more of Villanelle so far than we have of Oksana. The previous two seasons we saw only this confident persona that Oksana has created with several occasions where her real self comes to surface. And this season it’s all about peeling those layers, of slowly peeling away Villanelle and getting to meet Oksana. So, we are sooo used to seeing Villanelle in action, her interact with people that we can’t see her being emotional, let alone crying. It’s not like her. Because it’s NOT her. It’s Oksana and don’t know her enough to know what she is like and what is in character for her. Truth is, she is vulnerable, hurt and in pain. She is going through the death of her mother, the loss of her family, the loss of control and being manipulated (again)  by others in doing something for them. It all was building up and now she can’t escape those feelings anymore and she wants to quit. 

I feel like this time she REALLY means it. She really wants to quit and she is willing to give away EVERYTHING. The apartment, the clothes.. and EVE. The first time I’ve watched the scene I got really concerned and scared... because that means Villanelle is willing to leave Eve like that. At the same time I started to realize that this is sooo much bigger than Eve or them being together. This is Oksana wanting to have a new life... and she wants it so bad, she is willing to leave Eve behind. This, right here.. it called CHARACTER GROWTH and I am soo proud of her for reaching this point, of wanting this life, wanting something for HERSELF even if it means giving away everything she loves. That’s when you know she is being serious about it. So maybe this will turn out to be a good thing... maybe when Eve will notice and find out about this... she will be even more willing to accept her feelings for Oksana and they might end up just running away together because they can and because both of them want for this bullshit to end.

Now, Konstantin told Villanelle to NOT tell anyone about their escape plan. She promised not to do it but then she had a breakdown and ended up telling it to Dasha.Such a BAD move. I mean.. Dasha is the last person she was supposed to tell this to... and I’m sure it will cause major problems. Dasha will get someone killed and I don’t blame Oksana. She’s not in the right state of mind and really, if she haven’t told it to Dasha, we probably wouldn’t have as much action and drama happening in the next remaining episodes. So will see. But I really do hope Dasha will fail at whatever she will try to do.

I’ve probably said it plenty of times but Jodie Comer’s acting STRIKES AGAIN! So many powerful performances delivered each single episode, I am speechless and I really don’t know what else to say. Just see it for yourselves. She deserves another Emmy and more! 

Villaneve screen time

This is not really a part of a specific episode review, but more like me wanting to point something out. It’s been 6 episodes already and we only got ONE Villaneve scene. The bus scene. The kiss scene. Yeah, it was mindblowing and amazing but that’s not enough. And something tells me they might not even meet in next episode.. only see each other at the very end of the episode and that’s on it’s own upsetting... I mean I dare to say, even season 1 had more Villaneve screen time than season 3 has. I’m not even talking about season 2, where literally they spend together half of a season together occasionally meeeting up. This show IS about them and their dynamic and how can we have it if they are not interacting together? I get that this season is more focused on character development and them evolving separatelly, but Villaneve still has to be a thing... and they better give us the entire finale filled with Villaneve quality content or else... after all, they ARE the main plot of the show for me and there’s that. 

Overall Thoughts

Another solid Killing Eve episode. Since they have only 8 episodes, they can allow themselves to make such rich, intense and filled with information/action type of episodes and it shows. There were a couple of weaker episodes, but overall this season is getting stronger with each episode and I am very nervous as I am scared and excited for the remaining two! 

As always guys, if you have any theories or thoughts about this episode, Killing Eve in general or anything else, feel free to jump in my ask box or message me directly, I’d love to chat!!

[twilightvolt]

Well....that was one way to start a new decade, i guess. >  >’

Ok, from the death and destruction to the quarantine caused by viral disease to large parts of the world literally going up in flames, this year was like an ominous beginning that revealed the true ugly colors of everyone around us.

But there’s something telling me that that was just the universe releasing all of it’s built up rage from the last decade, so to think on the bright side, the only way to go is up now, right?

Regardless, pushing all the crap that happened this year aside, this feels like one of my best years yet in terms of art. i don’t think there’s any wedge of this clock that i wasn’t completely satisfied with and i had a TON of tough decisions on what to put in said wedges cuz i just luved almost everything i’ve created this year.

If you’re up to it, i’ll have my usual month to month reflection under the cutoff, but if you’re not, i hope to keep giving y’all even better art next year! ^  ^

So without further ado, let’s review!

January: ~ Days ~

Runner up: Team Solar Rises Again! (drawing in celebration of PMD finally returning with a remake of the first game)

Kicking off right where 2019 left off, i was hot on the heels of my Beastars phase, still cranking out countless drawings and doodles, mostly featuring Legoshi, and even hanging around the Beastars Amino and making some new friends there. this piece in particular i think encapsulates what i was mostly doing at the time, making up stories and stuff within canon to give myself more wolf boi content. which is something that i rarely do normally since i’ve mostly just done OC related writing before this.

February: - Sk8ter Wolf -

Runner up: Re:Hukaro (That thing i drew for Moon)

Ahh yes, the day i peaked with punk rock energy and created something in a highschool notebook sketch style. ngl, with the release of Beastars’ english dub on the way and the fandom quickly growing, i felt like i was on fire with the amount of stuff i was drawing. i felt so inspired and things can’t possibly go bad.

Or can it?

March: We Can Be Heroes

Runner up: One More Day, Emo Bird Boi Sketchies

Ahh yes, the month the worldwide quarantine started because they discovered the virus around this time. from this point onward, time pretty much meant absolutely nothing since i was stuck indoors for a majority of the year, only going out if i had to. on top of that, i tried a little attempt at a fandub and got picked on immediately by yahoos on Youtube. it...wasn’t fun.

I tried doing a little challenge i made up called Animarch where i drew a drawing representing anime i liked every day, but i only got about 5 days in i think? ehh, whatever. i did try, so that means something. lol

April: - ANOTHER SIDE -

Runner up: BEAST CROSSING ~Legoshi & Raymond

This was pretty much the final month i drew anything Beastars related as i slowly started shifting back to Pokemon due to the wait for season 2. but not before getting the new Animal Crossing and drawing a thing with Raymond and Legoshi that would blow up with hundreds of notes and interactions across every platform i posted it on. lmao

Regardless, i feel like Another Side was a perfect way to end that phase of my art journey. it’s like a nice finale to a long string of ideas that i will totally return to once season 2 drops next year.

May: - KOUJI -

Runner up: Fashion (that sketch of Alex and Jet in casual clothing)

What happened this month again? oh right, i went back to Digimon for a hot minute cuz i continued playing the copy of Cyber Sleuth Complete that i won from a giveaway on Twitter and created Alex and Jet, my latest Tamer and her Hawkmon partner. i should really do some more stuff with them.

ANYWAY,

June: - DOUBLE TROUBLE -

Runner up: “No Time to Waste! HENSHIN!” (AF attack against IonicIsaac on Twitter), Cafe Mix ~Ace, Yagami, Lance and Seliph

Art Fight. third year. and this time i kicked things up a notch and beat my old record from last year!...after uhh....cramming in 8 attacks at the very last night and totally going insane from the amount of sleep i lost. ^  ^’

But trust me when i say i will NOT do that again next year, i swear.

July: Squad Up

Runner up: Comin’ Out to Stun (Jet the Hawk sketches)

So after playing and beating PMDX, i started fleshing out Lance and Selpih’s characters and made more art and stories surrounding them and the rest of the team. one of those being a drawing for Mystery Dungeon Day, which happens the day after Odaiba Day. which is in August. why did i put this down for July then? some questions just don’t need to be answered.

August: - TOGETHER -

Runner up: In the Storm

You can tell by now just how uneventful life was this year cuz i have literally nothing else to talk about other than the art parts. no life issues, no big adventures like moving or something. just....indoor stuff.

It’s...kinda sad, now that i think about it. but hey, at least i was making the most of my time, trying new things and getting around a bit more.

September: Small World

Runner up: Rescue Together, PMD Forever!, Midnight Adventuring, Down Time

So this year, i turned 21, which a lotta people say is important. not really, if you can’t do much i guess. though, i did crank out a ton of art i’m super satisfied with as you can see by how hard it was to frickin’ pick one to use for this month’s wedge on the clock.

October: Feathers of the Shadows

Runner up: PAPERMOON - Final Mix - (not picked because it’s a touch up of an older drawing)

Hoo boi, this month was crazy. cuz i drew a whole lotta e d g e .....and a whole lotta Murkrow. lol

It was fun letting my inner edgelord out this month. even if nothing really significant happened in reality.

November: ~ One More Game ~

Runner up: UPokerap Project: Frogadier, - LEAF STORM -

This month....was actually kinda rough. it was basically me falling into a depressive episode after a scare at the dentist made me worry about my self image and insecurities again. but this time it really hit me just how much permanent damage i’ve done to myself in that aspect of my appearance. i know i shouldn’t worry so much, but it’s not great when people tell you to smile when the most i can do is grin since i’m just so....unhappy with my teeth.

But then around the end of the month, i stumbled upon a Pokemon themed Discord server with people that made me feel....not as alone as i suddenly felt i was. which i’m glad i could meet them even after only knowing them for a month now. if they’re reading this, i hope you know i’m thankful for raising my spirits when there’s still things i just can’t do due to financial issues.

December: Colors of the Heart  + Happy Holidays! ~Grovyle ver.

Runner up: ~ After the Battle ~ (the two part KHII anniversary drawing), - XIII -, Sketchmon: Buizel

And now this month. on top of my insecurities, i’ve now been struggling with my frustration with not being noticed as much as i should, watching as some people quickly climb up in following when i’m going much slower. honestly, i feel like the months when everything started lightening up for the world....was when things started falling apart for me. yeah, i know. pretty depressing way to end, huh? i hit 300 before the year ended thanks to the support from my new friends though, so i’m actually pretty happy.

But that doesn’t mean i’m not still scared of the future. i mean i have my teeth to worry about and also my wisdom teeth are coming in. so next few months...might be kinda rough.

Though, that’s not to say i didn’t soldier through it. this month i pushed myself, plowed through as many commissions as i could get to raise money for my new computer and made some of the best drawings that to me, feel like a great accomplishment. even if a couple of them weren’t as grandiose as some of my previous work. it was a big step forward for me as an artist. at least in my eyes.

And i have a feeling....that it can only get better from here.

[leatherbookmarking]

OK SO WELCOME 2 GUSU LIVEBLOGGIN because i reblogged but didn’t comment, like a little worm,

(from ch1)

1. lxc listening to (i assume) mainsteam radio warms my heart to no end

2. god!!! i’ve been sitting in the same place since i was born, essentially, but the feeling of returning to a beloved place!!! is v nicely shown here.... dreamy sigh i went to one (1) summer camp (? trip? who knows) and hated it 65% of the time but let’s blame that on me being 11 and not entirely into the concept of “rich kids in a catholic school” concept (lmao guess what junior high i went to 2 years later) BUT based on this into alone (and quarantine yearnings) i would 100% abandon everything and fuck off to gusu at any given moment

3. lan zhan is so protective of gusu hhhgggggg i am soft like tapioca pearls

4. i am soft like overcooked tapioca pearls... the way camp elders act with lwj is so ughhhh and “zhanzhan” ZHANZHAN!!! MOM I DIE

5. (through tears) WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN FEEDING HIM, XICHEN

6. (while vibrating) family dynamicsssssss

7. “Wen Qing unceremoniously shoving Huaisang over to be able to sit next to Wangji“ i love a girl

8. loving how lwj chooses not to ask re: mysterious new staff member when he’s still in the car with xichen, yknow? so he can react to it in peace and privacy, and then, as everyone’s like, oh you KNOW, considering who’s joining us this year! (lwj internally: who) oh don’t you know yet! (lwj internally: WHO. WHO!!!) wouldn’t you like to know!!!

9. wei ‘of course i am not experiencing any negative emotions, what are you talking about, i am SMILING, see? happy!” wuxian strikes BACK oh how i love this stupid boy

10. i vaguely remember you saying something something i don’t want to write serious stuff, they’re xianxia characters in a summer camp setting!, and then i was like OH HO BUT BY ALL MEANS, and then you did, and then i’m like :’’’’’’’’’’’’) it’s fine.jpeg hurt me!! hurt me with sixteen years old boys on a summer camp!!!

11. back 2 the present and xichen once again wins the mvp title. “alright, here’s the thing--”

12. ALRIGHT, HERE’S THE THING

13. baby

14. “Xichen,” he repeats, almost desperately, but everyone else clearly sees the opportunity to leave this particular situation“ SITUATIONAL COMEDY AT ITS FINEST!!!!

15. absolutely in love w/ how everyone takes one (1) look at lwj and decides ha! this sounds like a he problem! bye!!!

16. even xichen

17. ESPECIALLY XICHEN!!!

18. MIANMIAN MIANMIAN MIANMIAN being tiny!!! hugging lan zhan!!! i love you!!!

19. “you’re the one getting shorter” okay ao MAYBE my heart burst in my chest from sheer tenderness, but also maybe it DIDN’T. can you prove it? thought so!!!

20. tapioca update: it didn’t go well. however! if you ever need wallpaper glue,

21. picturing jc wrangling nhs fills me with so much joy also

22. GOD!!! wwx standing on top of the stairs!!! time stopping!!! ‘oh no he’s hot’!!!! LAN ZHAN YOU GAY DISASTER

23. lan zhan: Processes how hot wwx has gotten

wwx: STILL THE DEATH GLARE HUH :’D

Do I Have To Say Anything

24. “Wei Wuxian tries to match his death glare, a very valiant attempt for someone with a face as animated as him, and gives up about three seconds later, bursting into laughter“

CUTE!!!!!!!

25. THE EXODUS!!! AH THE DRAMATIC EXODUS!!!!! i am a BIG slut for “ugh you HAD to come back and LIGHT A FIRE IN MY CHEST AGAIN, you ASSHOLE >:/” moments, the SLUT LEVEL in me overshadows jin guangshan’s, i am QUEEN SLUT for moments like those B L E S S

in which we move onwards to ch2. will i embarrass myself further with excessive exclamation marks? let’s find out!!!!

26. “wow. you’re doing such a good job selling me this“ i was already in heart eyes over the bros but this line just!!! lol

27. IS LAN ZHAN GOING TO BE THERE

28. [DRAFT]!!!!!!!!!

29. lan xichen is having at least as much fun as i have with this situation, and i love it

30. but he does have the courtesy to look ashamed

31. from time to time :-)

32. but not always :-)

33. lan “brother i love you but you and wei wuxian should be KISSING as we speak so don’t you ‘you didn’t’ me :>” xichen

34. “do you remember how many rules he broke” you sure it’s just the RULES, my boy

35. i’m honestly, honestly really loving lxc here. like yes the two main idiots are delightful but... zewu-jun.... cute....

36. “all the other things his head is suggesting he do“ SNORT is “sit on the floor and sulk about wei wuxian daring to exist, and like this” one of them gfkhgfsk

37. “surely there’s no way in hell xichen would“ xichen, as soon as wangji went to his cabin: please. please. PLEASE

38. the part about crown shyness is tiny but so pretty. i feel severely lacking in summer camp tree trivia now

39. “And then Wangji sees him, and all rational thought promptly abandons him for dead“ wangxian summed up in one sentence (jk)

40. SO UH IS HE SINGLE i wholeheartedly enjoy wwx being Whacked

41. “when Wei Wuxian recalls the people who used to, and still should be, standing by his side, he only meets with a dismissive ‘Long story’ from his brother, and a somewhat nervous ‘I’ll tell you later’ from Nie Huaisang” oh? oh??  oh??? OH?????

42. oh yeah i forgot 2 mention before but lwj playing the guitar makes me feel... things... like yeah string instruments BUT guqin is so fancy and dignified, meanwhile guitar is... somehow... i mean of course lwj is a pro and makes everyone swoon playing the easiest chords but the THING is guitar is such a friend-shaped instrument... i need to lie down hold up

43. A NING A NING A NING A NINGGGGGGGG THE BOY IS HERE!!! making wwx almost inhale his harmonica no less! king of powerful entrances, truly

44. “what really happened to Nie Huaisang’s older brother, who was once ride-or-die for both Gusu and Lan Xichen (he got a job very far abroad, that’s all Wen Ning knows, and Wei Wuxian promises himself he’s going to pour some alcohol into Huaisang eventually to make him spill the beans)“ vibrates, at the speed of a hummingbird’s wings

45. the grass scene is wonderful 2 me for two reasons: one, WWX PLAYING A BLADE OF GRASS. i just watched a yt vid in which a dude does make it actually play, which is amazing, but my experience consists mostly of emitting one PTWEEEEET and making everyone almost jump out of their skins. good times! two, the contrast between this scene and the one in ep2... cql: wuji.mp3, slowmo, passionate gazes, wtg: wwx torturing a blade of grass, STILL making lwj (wayward) come to him. true love!!! truly true love!!!

46. yells @ wwx’s cute habit still being present

47. the following scenes are too gentle and sweet for me to formulate coherent thoughts.... i’m just sitting here, chihanding, sighing dreamily, thank you, bless

48. “Lan Zhan he once knew is still in there“ ah, sensei, sorry, i won’t be submitting my thesis this year.... i need at least six months to cope with this sentence... ご迷惑をかけて申し訳ございません

49. BABY WANGXIANS bonding over rabbits... lan zhan looking almost proud when wwx mentions his big brother...

50. “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT SUMMER, YOU AND I” OI!!! WEI WUXIAN!!! WEI YING!!! is it legal to be so (gestures) CUTE at the tender age of nine??? hm???

[lynxgriffin]

The boys are back in town

KH3 commentary continues! We’re getting closer to the end now!! Under the cut for spoilers!

WHELP OKAY as we approach the ending sooner and sooner WE CONTINUE ONWARD

TO SAN FRANSOKYO

I’m excited for this world because I looove BH6 BUT I’M ALSO NERVOUS

HEEEEERE WE GO

Cosmopolitan??

Sora: EVERYTHING’S SO SHINY AND COOL :DDD

I love everything on this world so far

OH LAWD HE COMIN’

I love…Baymax…

Wasabi: Damn fake news!

Excuse U I think we beat them pretty good

Sora: Look Fred I’ve seen and been actual monsters I’d totally buy you were one

Sora YOU DORKUS

Never tell me the odds!

NO LET THE CUTE BOYS AND GALS HELP

Tadashi :((((

Sora: I dunno, that sounds suspiciously computers

MORE MINIGAMES

Probably didn’t do that obstacle course great, but oh well, managed it

Gogo all WHEN DO I LEARN TO RUN UP BUILDINGS

It’s magic, Gogo, it’s just magic

And then they all learned from Sora’s example of BE OP AND KICK ASS

STITCH SUMMON

Now we’re all 20% cooler

Man an actual news report treating a Heartless invasion like it actually would appear

Whole lotta fighting on the side of buildings here!

HEARTLESS KAIJU

Well that was a fun boss battle there

TIME TO LEARN TO FIST BUMP SORA

ba-lalalaa

Oh no now everything’s sweet and perfect HOW LONG CAN THIS LAST

OH NOOO

*clutches chest*

Oh well that ain’t good

Slooooow headtilt

Ummm I can’t target this scary moving block of pixels thing

THIS CITY IS TOO DANG BIG FOR MY TEENY TINY BRAIN

SHEESH OKAY finally got everyone for that, that took awhile

OH NO WHO’S THIS

Whooooo isssss iiiiit

DATAKU? OR REPLIKU?

Seems like it should be Dataku what with…the theming here

Sora come on that wasn’t Riku he didn’t have the right haircut

Man that’s the kinda boss battle that’s gonna hurt a person’s eyes

Sora: Are we seriously still on that kick again??

THIS IS GETTING CONFUSING

Okay seriously, is this Dataku, Repliku or Pastku?? I’M NOT QUITE FOLLOWING YET

Sora: Seriously guys this is total BS

OH NO WE’LL HAVE TO FIGHT BAYMAX 1.0 WON’T WE

OH HI Pete and Maleficent we haven’t seen you in awhile

Is Somebodykunort finally recognizing the fact that they’re maybe someone to follow

WELL SOMEBODY TELL ME FROM WHEN BECAUSE I’D LIKE TO KNOW

Fred is so genre-savvy

Okay those are definitely the blox things from Re:Coded

YUP I WAS RIGHT IT’S EVIL BAYMAX

DARKMAX

Oh I don’t like at all where this is going

I like his scary cube claw tho

Well that was appropriately epic

Just put another good chip in him??

Or not :( Sob poor Hiro

Uuuugh just that offscreen CRUNCH

OH WE DID FIX HIM

NOW THERE’S DOUBLE BAYMAX

WOW WE’RE DONE that was a heck of a deal

I’M KIND OF NERVOUS ABOUT WHATEVER’S NEXT

Oh that is bad news

Oh of course Sora’s gonna run off to realm of darkness THIS WON’T END BADLY AT ALL

LET’S JUST JUMP INTO THE GATE WHERE WE DON’T KNOW IT GOES IT’S FINE

HEY IT’S OUR HOME

*gasps* MASTER KEEPER

SORA WRONG TAKE DONALD AND GOOFY WITH YOU

EVERY TIME YOU DO THIS

TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN

YOU WILL NOT BE FINE YOU DUMB CHILD TAKE YOUR GUARDIANS WITH YOU

*tears out hair* jdsakldjal they NEVER LEARN

OH NO IT’S DARKQUA ISN’T IT

Well time to wreck Mickey’s shit absolutely I guess

“GREAT NOW I HAVE GUILT”

OH. OH HI REPLIKU

Oh damn here we go

Sora: HEY GUYS WHAT’S HAPPENI—ohhh

OMG IT’S THAT KEYBLADE

The power to explode everything

LMAO Aqua just zipping over the water like that

Oooof okay okay okay now it’s a proper versus Aqua battle, this is gonna be a toughie

Well that was indeed challenging but we managed it!

Aqua noooooooooo COME BACK TO US QUEEN

TAKE MY HAND I’M A STRANGER IN PARADISE

Yessss aaaaaaaaa

OH NO SOB

WE SAVED THE QUEEN

WE DID IT

SHE SO RELIEVED TO NOT BE IN HELL ANYMORE

Wow okay, back at Radiant Garden

Benched Nort Buddies

Demyx: Backstabbing sounds like a lot of work actually :/

REALLY, Vexen? You’re doing the actual backstabby for atonement??

Xehaort this is what you get for splitting your soul 13 ways, you never agree on anything ever again

DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY DEMYX TIME? DID YOU??

IDK about that in this universe you probably could grow bodies on a body tree

Ienzo: TF is happening here

IT’S SURROGATE DAD

OH NO IENZO. OH NO :(((

*clutches chest* They reconcile…

ARE WE REALLY GETTING TO WAKE UP VEN NOW??

Aqua please don’t blame yourself, you were in hell

Castle Oblivion lookin’ good anyway

THAT WAS REALLY FUKKIN COOL

OMG I’m so happy…I love Land of Departure…

THERE HE IS

THERE’S THE BOY

Ohhhhhh noooooooo

The OTHER The Boy

Venty-Wenty, seriously??

PLAY AS THE QUEEN, PLAY AS THE QUEEN

THE POWER OF THE QUEEN COMPELS YOU

Sora: Can we get to the helping part now??

C’MON VEN WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY

It was in you aaaaaaall along

Lie down / Try not to cry / Cry a lot

SUNSHINE BOY IS HERE

FUCK YEAH

HE’S HERE THE SUNSHINE BOY IS HERE

And Vanyeetas just nopes out of there

Yes they are realizing all the things!!

*flails* ThE GOOD BOYS!!! ARE FRIENDS

Man yeah this is seven now, isn’t it

Reunite all the families!

I love…everyone…

Aqua: It’s okay you don’t remember you were like four years old

Aqua all like I’M FINDING ALL THESE CHILDREN I HELPED OUT I’M SO PROUD OF YOU ALL

Please let them girl bond now

Lea: Will y’all start paying attention to me now

Lea: THIS IS AN INSANE AMOUNT TO GET MEMORIZED   —YEAH NO SHIT

I’m just 100% full of delight at this bullshit

WE’LL JUST HAVE TO FIND EVERYONE ELSE

YES COUNT DONALD AND GOOFY

HO BOY that sounds like an indication to run around and do what’s needed before we jump into the start of endgame stuff

VEN…YOU ARE SO GOOD…

M E A N W H I L E

Pete: Please…stop making me dig up everything…

What’s in the booooooox

Oh Lea…still needs his two friends back :(

OHAI SAIX

Hey you took Xion’s ice cream

Man that must’ve been a hell of a week

Lea: I don’t need dumb tattoos anyway I CAN CRY ALL I WANT

I’m kind of worried about some things mentioned here tho

Man this is just cutscene city ain’t it

Hi again Repliku!

Riku: Don’t talk to me or my edgy son ever again

Get it, time to himself, HURR HURR

PAOPU FRUIT TIME??

LET THE KAIRI FIGHT PLZ

OKAY SO. I suspect this is my chance to go around and do stuff before things totally go to shit!

So that’s what I’m gonna do next! Level up, find lucky emblems, cook rat food, all that goodness

MORE COMMENTARY WILL BE…AT SOME POINT

[artificialqueens]

Confessions: Part 3 (Trixya) - Sigyn

A/N: so it’s fully been like two years since I updated this so I imagine everyone’s forgotten it but I’ve started adding to it again so I feel like I might as well keep posting it despite the two year break…

I’ve made some slight edits to the first two parts and published them on AO3 as well so here’s a link to that

full disclosure, the next update is like two weeks away because I have deadlines I need to meet at school (but at least it won’t be two years lmao)

Katya has a confession to make.

There was a time when she was sexually attracted to Trixie Mattel.

Okay. Times, plural.

It wasn’t all the time, though.

Just sometimes.

For example, when Trixie was doing her makeup, ear splitting levels of Dolly Parton blaring in the background, and she’d done everything except her lips and looked demented by anyone’s standards. Katya couldn’t help but be attracted to her then.

Of course, she was also attracted to her when she’d put on the lips and the whole fantasy came together but that was to be expected. Trixie looked other-worldly when her makeup was done. In some ways so done up that she no longer looked human, in others so stripped bare and exposed. More human than Katya ever dared be.

She was also attracted to her when Trixie decided to forgo the coloured contacts she usually wore but that didn’t mean anything, Katya had always been a sucker for brown eyes.

Naturally, she was attracted to her when her face was completely washed clean and she donned a backwards baseball cap with some oversized t-shirt, not an ounce of pink in sight except for the stain around her lips that sometimes stayed for hours after she removed her lipstick. That was a side of Trixie she found particularly attractive, largely because it was how she was most comfortable, and perhaps partly because it was a side of her very few people ever got to see.

Often, she found that spark of attraction when Trixie told a particularly crass joke.

And, fuck, was she attracted to her when the Barbie fantasy was both contrasted and complimented by her tendency to scream her enjoyment, rather than laughing in a manner others might have found more acceptable.

Trixie never did anything by halves and that was perhaps what Katya found most attractive about her.

Pretty much every time Trixie broke the social norms, behaving in a way some would argue did not befit a young woman, Katya found the stirrings of attraction deep in her stomach.

But she wasn’t attracted to her all the time.

Not at all.

For example, she wasn’t attracted to her right now.

Katya is pretty sure she wouldn’t be attracted to anyone who woke her up before eight am on a Saturday.

“I’ve decided what my new year’s resolution is,” Trixie announced cheerfully, without so much as a greeting to give Katya a moment to adjust to the shift from being asleep to being expected to hold a conversation.

“Is it to buy a calendar?” She guessed, voice raspy with sleep, “as it is April and either too late or too soon to be making such resolutions.”

Trixie seemed unconcerned by this as she resolutely stated that “it’s never too late to begin the new year.” Katya decided not to challenge her on that. “And as a wise man once said, new year new me.” She paused as if waiting for Katya to either prompt her further or laugh but Katya didn’t really feel so inclined. She had half a mind to just go back to sleep and let Trixie have this conversation with herself.

Unperturbed by Katya’s lack of a response, Trixie soldiered on. “I’m embarking on a fitness journey,” she declared, as though she expected a deafening round of applause to erupt.

“Okay,” Katya drawled, still not having decided whether she was going to be a part of this conversation, “lets pretend that’s a real thing and that we both know what that means.”

“I’m joining a gym, I’m eating healthy, the whole nine yard, I’m embarking on this journey from today onwards, would you care to join me?”

Katya found herself thinking that if Trixie’s dream as a child had been to become a travelling salesman she was quite certain her sheer enthusiasm alone would have made her a roaring success. However, Katya had always been a hard sell.

“Absolutely not,” she replied, without remorse.

“Okay, well, I’m joining your gym so I wouldn’t be so quick to say no-“

“No,” she firmly interrupted, having already decided that Trixie’s apparent illusion that Katya would go in for any such thing needed to be nipped in the bud.

Trixie shrieked and though the loudness of it made Katya wince, she couldn’t help but smile at the reaction.

“When are you teaching again?” her friend asked instead of giving her the expended sales pitch that Katya was certain she had been gearing up for.

“I don’t know. You can probably find my hours on the gym website, did you have to wake me up for this conversation?”

“Absolutely,” Trixie replied, resolutely. “If you’re allowed to wake me up at 3 am on a weekday to discuss what a terrible place the world would be without laughter then I’m allowed this.”

Katya had no real argument to counteract that point as it really was fair enough. Instead she simply acknowledged Trixie’s good point, well made with a repeat of the thoughts that had come to her in the middle of the night, last week. “God, it would be such a terrible place though.”

“No,” Trixie stopped her, “we’ve had this conversation, now we’re having my conversation.”

Katya made a noncommittal grunt that sounded vaguely affirmative.

“Text me your classes and if I’m not there at least three times a week you have my formal permission to kick my butt.”

Katya snorted and responded, “what if I don’t want to kick your butt?”

“Since when have you ever denied an opportunity to come near my butt? I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of kicking it.”

Another grunt, more concrete in its affirmation this time.

“Okay, go back to sleep, you’re boring me. I’ll be there by noon to make green juices and a salad with you.”

Katya’s face screwed up in disgust at the very thought, “Ew, Tracy, no, you will not. I told you I refuse to be a part of your healthy road trip or whatever you dubbed it.”

“Fitness journey and I can’t hear you, I’m going through a tunnel!”

The line went dead before Katya could respond.

“Fucking bitch,” she muttered to herself, though the smile that always followed a conversation with Trixie was firmly in place.

Doubtful that she’d manage to fall asleep again what with the sunlight already forcing its way through her curtains, Katya seriously considered getting up and making coffee for several long minutes. Her musings only being cut short by her consciousness slowly slipping away as sleep dragged her back under.

When Katya next awoke it was to the simultaneous banging of her door and the ringing of her phone.

She didn’t know what year it was, much less what time but Trixie’s name flashing on her screen, paired with her ringtone, told her that ignoring the ruckus and going back to sleep was not a viable option.

Forcing her limbs into action Katya got up, grabbing her phone and accepting the phone call.

“If you damage my door, you’re buying me a new one,” she simply said in lieu of a proper greeting.

“You’ll have to take me to court over it,” Trixie replied though she did cease her vehement knocking which Katya considered a victory in and of itself.

“See you there,” she said, ending the phone call before opening the door to reveal a version of Trixie she had not yet had the pleasure of meeting.

Straight-from-the-gym Trixie apparently wore a pink velour jumpsuit, no makeup, her hair up in a ponytail, and radiated a tired kind of happiness.

Katya decided this Trixie was definitely one of the Trixies that she was attracted to.

“Move bitch, these are heavy,” Trixie squeezed past her, her gym bag slung over one shoulder, and carrying a grocery bag that looked about ready to burst, “we’re making goats’ cheese salad and scrambled eggs,” she called out behind herself, confidently striding into Katya’s kitchen.

Okay, maybe she wasn’t quite as attracted to post-gym Trixie as she’d believed at first glance.

Katya followed her into the kitchen, regardless.

“We’re making what?” Katya asked incredulously, “lettuce and eggs do not a breakfast make, we’re having toast.”

“It’s lunch,” Trixie stated, not even looking at Katya, “and you can have all the toast you want, babe but you won’t tempt me.” She dumped her grocery bag on the kitchen counter and removed her gym bag. Turning around she held it out, “can you put it in your room?” she asked, though it was clear this was more of a demand than a request.

Katya arched an eyebrow at her, “you can take it yourself.”

“I’m making you food, you’re taking my bag to your room.”

“Wow, you didn’t mention the new you would be a rotted cunt,” Katya laughed, taking Trixie’s bag, regardless.

The taller blonde shrugged with a smile, “the old me was, I don’t see a reason to change that,” turning back around to the counter she added, offhand, “maybe next year.”

It didn’t take them long to prepare the food. Trixie had brought an abundance of groceries intended to spruce up a salad and make it worth while, including grapes, walnuts, goats’ cheese, and honey. No matter how much she tried to persuade Katya (and perhaps herself) that this would make more than an adequate meal, Katya fried up some bacon and made herself two slices of toast to go with it. Trixie made faces at the meat, claiming that the smell caused by “carcass fumes” was infecting her salad and eggs, an argument that seamlessly carried on into their meal.

They were sat there, in the kitchen, Katya enjoying her substantially larger meal and Trixie trying not to feel envious of the white bread Katya was happily munching on.

“Dead pig,” she muttered, not entirely jokingly as Katya lined her bacon strips up on the piece of toast before piling on the scrambled eggs.

“I’d appreciate if you refrained from calling me names,” Katya retorted, lifting the piece of toast to her mouth and succeeding in making a right mess of both her plate and herself. “Besides,” she nodded her head towards Trixie’s plate, “cheese and eggs.”

Trixie gasped in mock offence. “Don’t you dare throw that in my face,” she said, “I can not accept my vegan fate at the same time as I embark on my fitness journey. I must first save my body, then save the planet.”

Katya just sat there smirking, they both knew she didn’t have strong feelings about veganism but Trixie did and so it was a decent card to pull.

“You know, you should try going vegetarian,” Trixie suggested in a way that was neither new nor hopeful. She’d long since given up on the idea that Katya’s moral compass, which was sketchy at the best of times, would somehow win out over the taste of meat. “Since you’re not saving your body, your schedule should be wide open to try and save the world. You know, try something new,” she shrugged.

“Why try new things when you can try nothing?” asked Katya around another mouthful.

Perhaps Trixie would have responded to that had there not been a resounding smack of what sounded like a person’s full body weight being slammed against Katya’s front door, followed by smothered laughter and the jingling of keys.

Trixie, her eyes wide, turned askance to Katya who simply rolled her eyes ever so slightly.

The sound of the door opening and swiftly closing was followed by a repeat of someone’s body hitting against it and laughter, half-swallowed up by kisses.

It wasn’t unheard of for Alaska and Sharon to turn up from some after party or other that had run through the night and well into the morning in a slight state. They usually preferred Sharon’s apartment for that, given that space was her own and not shared with someone else but did, on occasion, come back to Alaska’s place, whether because of misplaced keys, lack of forethought, or the location of the party from which they were headed.

Katya was relatively unfazed by the ruckus currently coming from the hallway but a quick glance at Trixie assured her the feeling was not shared by her companion so she decided to intervene. She knew from experience that Alaska and Sharon had no problem experimenting with locations outside of Alaska’s bedroom and was doubtful the thought of checking whether the apartment was empty would occur to either of them, especially given that their mental state was likely to be altered by chemicals of the less-than-legal variety.

“Are you planning on only giving us the sound bite or are we going to be treated to the whole show?” Katya called out to them, prompting another fit of slightly muffled giggles and the padding of bare feet that made their way closer, relatively unsteadily.

Alaska appeared first in the kitchen doorway, leaning against it slightly. Her makeup was smeared, her clothing askew, and her pupils noticeably dilated. Her long, thin legs were exposed up to mid-thigh and perpetually bruised in a way Alaska had once told her accompanied the rockstar life… or the groupie life. Katya wasn’t quite sure where that stood as Alaska had been performing less and less these days, instead accompanying Sharon to various “industry parties”, although Katya felt that title suggested a lot less drug use than she knew went on at said events.

“How much are you willing to pay for it?” Alaska asked, twisting her body back around to her girlfriend who looked only marginally less dishevelled.

Before Katya had a chance to reply Sharon crowded Alaska up against the doorway, nipping playfully at her jaw. “Not that you’re not worth every cent,” she breathed against her throat, “but I don’t feel inclined to share right now.”

Alaska’s eyelids fluttered as Sharon bit across her neck, prompting a breathy moan that indicated that despite her words Katya and Trixie just might be treated to the full show if they didn’t remove themselves from the situation quite hastily.

Sharon pressed Alaska harder up against the doorway, running her hands down her sides, to her ass, prompting Alaska to wrap her legs around her. The soles of her feet looked as though she might have walked barefoot the entire way home and Katya didn’t doubt that she would have, either because her shoes had been deemed too uncomfortable after wearing them for entirely too many hours or because they had been misplaced; sacrificed to the alter of the party gods as several previous possessions of Alaska’s had been before them.

Katya glanced at Trixie who seemed to be in a slight state of shock and then, purely for her benefit, delicately cleared her throat. “Should we make some popcorn?” she asked pointedly.

Sufficiently reminded of the presence of other people Sharon turned to grin slightly at Katya for the briefest of seconds before her eyes were tugged back to Alaska. “We’ll be in her room,” she almost growled, hoisting Alaska up and carrying her out of the sight of their audience.

“Don’t interrupt us unless there’s a fire,” Alaska called out.

“Maybe not even then,” Sharon threw in for good measure.

“It was nice to meet you,” Trixie called back but was only met with the slamming of Alaska’s bedroom door.

Katya barked out a laugh at the sheer absurdity of the situation. “Okay,” she said, “I imagine we have about 20 seconds until we’re treated to the not-at-all censored soundtrack of those two going at it so I hope you’ve finished eating.”

Trixie threw her a look of amused disbelief before giving her a nod, “okay,” she said with a chuckle, “you know, it’s quite nice outside and I’m simply dying for some sun.” She stood up and started gathering their mostly empty plates before Katya stopped her.

“20 seconds,” she reminded her before a high moan punctured the air. “Maybe not even that,” she amended. “Leave the dishes, we don’t have time.”

Katya grabbed Trixie’s hand, pulling her out of the apartment and down the stairs, onto the street below where Trixie was finally overcome by giggles.

“That was absolutely ridiculous,” she wheezed out, freeing her hand from Katya’s grasp to dab delicately at corners of her eyes with her fingertips in a careful manner designed to avoid smudging her makeup. The fact that she wasn’t wearing any at the moment was immaterial, it had become a habit. “It’s like 12:30 pm, where the fuck were they coming from?”

“I have no idea,” Katya earnestly replied, “some party I presume, Sharon drags her to a lot of those although Alaska never seems unwilling.”

Trixie straightened up, a slightly dazed expression on her face, “oh, that really was Sharon Coady then,” she said, “I wasn’t sure.”

“Do you know her?” Katya asked, slightly perplexed.

“Not personally,” Trixie shrugged, taking Katya’s hand back in her own and heading on down the street. Katya didn’t know if they were headed anywhere in particular and she found she truly didn’t care. “I know some people who work with her, she’s apparently very talented, has a real eye for what will make a trend.”

Katya nodded.

Sharon’s career seemed to be on a trajectory, only going up, and Alaska had on multiple occasions mentioned the talk about her that was apparently circulating the fashion scene.

Trixie went on, “Some of my friends are astounded she hasn’t started her own label yet, say she’s one of the few people they’ve met who stands a real chance of actually breaking into the business on their own.”

When Katya first met Trixie she’d been surprised to find out how much she knew about the inner workings of almost every aspect of industry LA had to offer. She claimed it came from working in makeup and that in order to be good at her job she needed to keep her ear to the ground but Katya suspected it was more than that. Trixie respected people who were good at what they did. It didn’t matter if they were makeup artists, models, fashion designers or musicians. Trixie simply had an earnest respect and admiration for people who put their all into their work.

“Yeah,” Katya replied, “she claims that’s what the parties are about,” she expanded, “she’s pretty sure the label wouldn’t take well to her quitting so she wants to make sure she has her own connections if and when she burns that bridge. Claims she can’t break into the industry if people are too scared of RuPaul’s wrath to actually work with her.”

“That’s pretty smart of her,” Trixie agreed, “Ru can barely just be called a designer anymore, he’s almost a religious leader. I swear, it boarders on a cult. It’s very much a ‘you’re either in or you’re out’ kind of situation. Sharon’s wouldn’t be the first career not allowed to prosper because RuPaul decided she betrayed him.”

Katya shrugged. She wasn’t really all that familiar with the fashion industry, only really privy to what she’d gathered from her relatively limited interaction with Sharon, and what Alaska had let slip. Katya always did her level best to ignore the bitterness that sometimes lurked underneath Alaska’s comments. Although she couldn’t relate to their particular situation, she could empathise. It wasn’t long ago that Sharon had been struggling as hard as Alaska to gain recognition and, anyway, most of the time Alaska managed to radiate pure pride at her partner’s success.

“I’d be lying if I said I believed that was the only reason she attends the parties though,” Katya said, raising an eyebrow.

“I guess they don’t call her Sharon Needles for nothing,” Trixie said, laughing, “oh god, knowing me I’ll actually slip up and call her that to her face one day.”

“I doubt she’d mind,” Katya replied, “she and Alaska used to have this punk band when they were younger where that was legitimately her stage name. That’s actually where the name originated. Although from what I’ve seen she prefers rolled up bills to needles so the truth of it is debatable.”

Trixie shrieked her enjoyment, but Katya wasn’t done.

“In fact, she’s probably doing blow off Alaska’s tits right now,” she proclaimed, lips stretched wide in a smile that only grew wider in response to the grimace on Trixie’s face.

“I didn’t get out of the apartment just to have you describe what I’m missing,” her companion complained, nose all scrunched up in distaste. Katya fought down the urge to tell her just how beautiful it made her look.

“Without dirty thoughts, there are only dirty dishes,” she said instead, prompting an eye roll from her friend.

“You’re such an idiot,” Trixie replied but the fondness of her tone accompanied by the soft smile on her face caused a fluttering in Katya’s stomach, as though she had just been showered with the loveliest of compliments.

She simply smiled back, swinging their joined hands between them, and allowed Trixie to turn the conversation to some other hopeful designer whose name Katya had never heard.

It didn’t matter though.

She made the appropriate noises of interest and laughed when the anecdotes warranted it, and although the topic wasn’t something she had a particular interest in she found that her reactions weren’t feigned.

The truth is, she suspected she could listen to Trixie read aloud from the phone book for hours without getting bored; each name and number as fascinating to her as the last.

[spiralledcupid]

Spoon Views: MHA Season 3

Episode 3: Kouta

Hello again !! Just to kick off, I really loved this episode. The kids all got to have… fun? And then sudden villain attack, like yes that’s what I need ! Overall, it was just a really fun episode, so lets dive in !

My first observation isn’t gonna be that new to people who have read my commentary on the last two episodes but, fuck, they’re really gonna do that intro at the start of every episode, aren’t they? Idk why, but I just hate repeated intros so that’s just gonna annoy me every single time I go in for a rewatch. But that’s more a personal thing.

Into the ACTUAL episode, I’m glad Blood King is getting to explain how the training camp works. Even though I like the Blood King traitor theory (idk who did it, but if I find it again I’ll link it!), I still think we don’t get nearly enough of him, especially since his quirk is so cool and he has a dog !! idk I just wanna see more of him, I think he’s pretty cool.

This one took me absolutely ages to get a screenshot, but I love how while Present Mic (or his voice anyway) explains what everyone’s doing, we just get shots of Iida sprinting around them it just made me giggle as he zoomed on past.

Go go Iida !!

But I had to feel pity for all of them, like they are working themselves to death, good grief. My poor boy sero

Also, just a sidenote: this is entirely NOT how it works!! If you go flat out, day in and day out, you will damage yourself in the long run !! Please do not work yourself like this, it can be really exhausting and- especially if we’re talking physical exercise- can result in muscle damage. Just don’t work yourselves the way they do in anime training montages, it doesn’t work out too well lmao. And yes this goes for studying as well. Ik I’m deviated from the subject but, just don’t work yourselves too hard because anime characters do, k?

Anyway, moving onwards there were just so many funny shots of Kaminari I couldn’t choose one, but I was torn between laughing and “my poor son!” poor boy. I also really liked the detail with Yaoyorozu’s dolls.

We all know from last season the dolls are her go-tos, and the continuity/attention to detail just made me smile.

Also !!

All of the Wild Wild Pussycats are here! I have to admit though, seeing Ragdoll made my heart hurt a bit over,,, what’s to come, let’s say. But they all look really cool as a team!!

Also, I love how when they were speaking, Bakuou kept yelling “Damn it!” after every pause, that just made me laugh a lil. That brat, honestly.

This isn’t really commentary but:

When your coursework is due next week and you’re still 1000 words over word count:

Back to actual commentary, I didn’t get a screenshot of this, mostly because everyone and their mother already has, but Todoroki’s little smile was just,,, my son,,, has friends,,, the true meaning of friendship,,,

What a pity we have to return to angst with the next bit. During Midoriya’s conversation with Kouta, I had a little brainwave: Kouta is what Midoriya could have been without All Might.

Midoriya could have easily ended up hating heroes and the entire superhuman society like Kouta does, because of his own quirklessness and the fact his bully- and the rest of the kids in his middle school class, who weren’t any nicer to him- aspire to be heroes. But, because he had All Might Midoriya was able to look past that and still take part in society, something Kouta can’t do. Their situations are even compared in the manga and anime. So, with what happens, I hope we see more of Kouta so Midoriya can be to him what All Might was to Midoriya, if that makes sense?

Moving onwards, during the scene with the villains, Mustard made a comment about a behind the scenes costume maker and ? It just got me thinking about traitor theories. But, honestly, the only person we know close to costume design is Hatsume and she doesn’t really strike me as the traitor type to be frank. Oh well. It was just a thought.

Also, I gotta say

It’s been a hot spring day and I’m THIRSTY lmao. I’m joking except for the fact,,, I’m not he’s hot, I wasn’t even hiding it in the first place. I love my crusty villains.

Moving very very quickly onwards, I liked the little talk Midoriya and Todoroki had. We don’t often see them have full, proper conversations, and it was nice to see one onscreen, especially since it also showed the far reaching effects Midoriya had on Todoroki at the sports festival. It was an interesting thing to put in.

This was just such a funny shot I couldn’t resist.

My poor kids, getting dragged off- even though I guess it worked out better for them in the long run. But it gave me a lil giggle at their poor faces. I’m sad they skipped on the “celery is delicious” comment tho

EDIT: so I checked the manga to get proof of the celery thing and ? it actually comes a little later, according to my copy at least. I really am tired !!

Speaking of subs, why did they change Tokoyami’s iconic “What a mad banquet of darkness” to “revelry in the dark” ? It just seemed an odd change to me, especially since it’s become his line kinda thing. Like everyone knows what a mad banquet of darkness, so why change it? But I guess that’s personal preference.

This little bit was the first thing I saw of the episode and I love it.

“Oh” like of all the things to say, it’s just ?? so cute, what idiots. Are they scared? Are the just jumpy? who knows, not me.

Also @ whoever makes this, when y’all releasing the soundtrack? Because that tune when things started to sour was actually lit, so… I want it.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you today !! Because this one’s shorter than my last- like I mentioned before, I’ve been very busy with college and quite distracted today as well- I decided to just drop in a little thing I spotted. Although I’m not planning an analysis of the ED (as for the OP…I’m getting round to it), I did spot this little thing:

Normal ending shot, nothing special, until

I looked at Bakugou.

Unlike the rest of them, he’s not walking in the group and while everyone’s footprints have intermingled, Bakugou’s are singular. In other words, he’s walking a completely different path to the others. I’m gonna be real, like most of the things I spot I have no clue what this means or could mean, and it might just be to show ‘oh, he’s still isolated from the rest’ but idk, if you have any ideas why Bakugou might be walking his own path rather than the same one as the others let me know !!

As always, thanks for reading !

Spoon xx

[wanna1things]

Soulmate!Kang Daniel

i want daniel to be MY soulmate i LOVE him with all of my heart <3

Genre;; fluff and a whole ass soulmates au;; i might do this sort of au for every member,, like a different soulmate au for each one but?? Idk also university!au

Warnings;; nothing really

Pairing;; Kang Daniel x reader

Requested;; nope another thing kind of from my backlog kinda

Soulmate AU Type;; You dream some of the treasured memories of your soulmate up until when you touch for the first time. The soulmate’s face is censored in the dreams, but their name isn’t.

Summary;; You’ve been searching for your soulmate for longer than you can remember. All you know about him is that he loves dancing and... jelly bears…? That is until you dream of your own university… and your own room...

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1595

Also in this series;; Woojin | Jihoon  | Jinyoung | Minhyun

THIS au has been in my brain for the longest time and Daniel fits the storyline the best so enjoy!! its kind of short for this kind of au but it’s because its quite fast paced once you get past the initial bit lol

the first time you had one of the so-called ‘soulmate dreams’ you knew straight away what it was

your parents had told you about it frequently and how they started having their dreams when they were around 4

you were a bit of a late bloomer

it was the week after your 12th birthday, and by that point all of your friends had had some dreams, and some had even met their soulmate

but you’d never had anything, which made everyone worried that you were a loveless - a person without a soulmate

you and your parents were so pleased when your first dream finally happened lol

but your dream was a little different than other people’s

mainly because whoever your soulmate was…

they were performing?? on a stage??

most people had normal dreams, like a first day of school, making friends, getting a good grade on a test, doing a nice piece of work something like that

this sort of thing was rare, especially as a first dream

at first you thought like wow okay guess my soulmate is a celebrity i guess that's cool

and you knew his name, kang euigeon, because they announced it before he performed lol

I mean that was until he changed it to daniel

all the dreams seemed to be related to performing and dancing and stuff, but there were also some;; sad dreams

there was one dream that really stood out, and it appeared to be him meeting his best friend

it started off with him being bullied for looking ‘different’, when the person who became his best friend stepped in and shut them all up

it was a sweet memory but it made you worried because ?? my soulmate is being bullied?? gotta help!!!

it continued on like this for ages, with odd treasured memories popping up every couple of months

one that you found hilarious was his best friend buying him a massive jelly bear for his 16th birthday

when i say massive i mean massive like it was the size of the table

it was gone in 0.5 seconds (realistically it took him and his friends more like 30 minutes)

you often felt sad as your friends were finding and meeting their soulmates, or gradually finding out more about them

but the places you saw in the memories never seemed like they were anywhere near you

in fact you couldn’t even work out if he was even in the same country as you

your friends kept encouraging you to go on holidays, just in case you’d bump into him somewhere there but,, nothing seemed to work?

it was like you were cursed to never meet him which would suck

and you’d heard the stories of people like that, who ended up forming ‘fake’ relationships with people without soulmates and then every night dreaming of their soulmate again

sounded like a depressing life

and a life that seemed to be coming ever closer

in an attempt to salvage what may be the only hope in your life, you poured yourself into your studies

and by poured i mean hello 24/7 365 honor roll student

you managed to score a place in one of the top universities in the country to study international relations with a minor in dance

mainly because you love it, but also because you feel like…. It might bring you closer to your soulmate, you can’t really explain why lol

but on the night after you go and visit the university you have a dream that almost scares the living daylights out of you

it started off with him boarding a plane on his own and coming to what seemed to be your country but then it skipped time a bit

and he was at the university you were set to attend, at the same open day as you

you began to think back about who you saw today, was he one of them? you had no idea

you pushed it to the back of your mind as you prepared for the start of the semester

you’d decided to live off campus with a couple of your friends and some friends of friends

there was mention of the last room being advertised online because they couldn’t find anybody to take the spot but you didn’t really take notice

when it came to moving in day, you spent so much time saying goodbye to your various friends (and their soulmates) and of course your family

you ended up not actually getting there to move in until 4

when you got there you greeted what seemed to be all of your flatmates for the year and they seemed really nice but the numbers didn’t add up

there was an extra room next to yours?

when you looked inside, someone had unpacked in there already and their stuff was strewn all over the floor (someone’s messy)

so you decided to ask your roommate about;;; whose room is it

‘the room next to yours? it’s daniel’s! he’s a business major with a minor in dance like you so you might see him around!! he’s out tonight though,, i think his friends are over or something’

your heart almost skipped a beat when you heard daniels name

but then you quickly realised that yeah,, that’s actually a super common name what are the chances

that was until you dreamed your own flat that night

and the room next door to you

IT WAS SO HARD TO NOT FREAK OUT THE NEXT DAY

especially when you saw someone you didn’t recognise in the kitchen the next day

by someone i mean you’re pretty sure it was daniel

I mean you took one look at him, realised that it wasn’t one of your flatmates that you’d met (so it basically had to be daniel) theN YOU REALISED OKAY YEAH YOU HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS SOULMATE

and he was cooking pancakes shirtless uMDJSHSF

it’s just…

you weren’t expecting to THEN see him in literally the first class you ever had at uni

he smiled brightly at you and waved you over to the seat next to him, quickly introducing himself

‘hello y/n!! i’m kang daniel and i’m your roommate that you didn’t meet yesterday! sorry i was out it’s just that i had to see some friends and that but the others told me who you were and that lol’;; i heard you’re a dance minor too so i guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other

yeah you tuned out for half of that because fhsdfghf not only is he the most beautiful human but he also has the most ADORABLE SMILE

you shift a bit away from him in your seat because okay you’ve heard stories about what happens when you touch your soulmate for the first time and you do NOT want this happening in the middle of when you’re meant to have a lecture

your friends had told you that basically the part of your body which touches glows bright white and you have like a quick 1 minute recap of all of the dreams

yeah not ideal for a lecture

but daniel, being daniel, does not know this because a) too hyped about meeting his soulmate finally and b) does he look like the type to know what’s going to happen? No

your heart drops when he taps your shoulder to ask you for a pencil sharpener right when the lecturer says ‘this is something you need to remember - it’s important!’

REALLY DANIEL GREAT JOB

as your shoulder begins to glow softly, you look up at him and roll your eyes as he looks at you in complete shock

yep he has no idea whats going on

before you know it the dream recaps started and you’re watching him eat the damn jelly bear again

but what your friends never told you is the dream finishes with an image of your first kiss together

UHHHHH when you saw yourself and daniel in a beautiful garden, sharing a soft kiss, you FREAKED THE HELL OUT

but daniel being daniel knew exactly what to go

cue being dragged out of the lecture theatre by daniel, protesting wildly as your lecturer looks at you two comPLETELY BEWILDERED

he leads you to the gardens nearby the university campus and sits down on a bench by the roses, motioning for you to sit next to him

its silent for a bit until out of nowhere he’s like

‘god that was a long time coming’

you can’t help but laugh because ;; yeah it really did take a lONG TIME

its silent again but… its not awkward

it feels like you two have known each other since forever and tbh you are just basking in each other’s presence

suddenly daniel stands up and plucks a rose from the bush behind him

thank god theres no thorns lol

you’re about to protest about how you’re pretty sure you cant go around picking flowers like that before he kneels down in front of you

and you’re a little shook o

‘y/n!! i’m so glad we met today!! i have been trying to find you ever since i had that first dream!! i hope we can make some precious memories together now!!’

he holds out the rose for you to take it so of course you do

he stands up quickly and presses his lips against yours in a soft kiss

and you swear from that moment onwards

you know for a fact that everything will be okay, because you have him

the end is cheesy bc i didn’t know how to end it lmao anyway;;; yeah i uh;;; hope this wasn’t terrible to read lol;; ok im off to bed goodnightt

[silentmight]

BTS LIVE Trilogy Episode III the WINGS TOUR in Bangkok 2017

Sometimes, all it takes is a little faith and the wings you never knew you had will fly.

About a week and a half ago I YOLO’ed to Bangkok for BTS’ Wings Tour, and it’s a decision I absolutely have no regrets on. Just gonna keep this here as a diary post and concert impression of sorts!

The BTS Wings Tour in Bangkok holds special meaning for me in many ways, but I'll get to that later.

I haven't been to a concert this massive, no not even the local rock bands and gigs I attended while in Singapore can rival this full house of screaming fangirls. Queuing was intense and really stuffy, as Bangkok's weather can really fry you but thankfully I met up with Fonnoi (the girl I bought my ticket from; I randomly saw her post on FB) and then joined her for the concert!

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS PAYING FOR THE STANDING TICKET. We positioned ourselves to the back and could learn against the guard rails, which makes for good viewing cause everyone crammed to the front and I'm glad my height's at an advantage here lol :3 Also I guess I must be old because I was on energy saving mode until the lights went off; the younger fans were all screaming when their bias appeared on screen when they played the MVs to pass time.

As an introduction, they played Spring Day’s MV and when the first verse kicked in I started tearing… IN FACT I WAS SILENTLY CRYING THROUGHOUT MANY SONGS, PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME idk man this is the first time I've cried multiple times during a concert because you can feel the atmosphere and I just have too many FEELINGS.

The boys came on stage and kicked off with Not Today- great way to get the crowd pumping and it's also my fav (hell all of it is). The playlist is pretty much faithful to the one listed on the wiki, you can go check it out there… Hearing Bapsae and DOPE live is such a treat. Anyway I'm, so very glad to be able to watch the BTS boys perform their solo songs from the Wings album, coupled with visuals and stage props that are reflective of their personality and song.

Jungkook’s ‘Begin’ displayed his smooth dancing, which felt like a silent sort of strength. Right after was Jimin's ‘Lie’, which holy shit I've been waiting to watch in person ever since this kid became my no.2… I cannot explain in words how 色っぽい sexy it is, goddamnit! Stop attacking my heart! I cannot fathom how Jimin can look like a marshmallow one minute and then like a wolf!! *tears hair out* My favourite part of the dance was when he was blindfolded onwards /COUGH and when he was lifted into the air by the backup dancers too.

And then… my angel Min Yoongi, aka SUGA’s solo. I usually am unable to listen to 'First Love’ because he outputs a ton of intense emotions when he raps, so when I'm stressed I skip it. Hearing it live is no shortage of his raw feelings, and just listening to him rap it live is truly amazing.

The singer line then performed Lost and Save Me, in which during Lost they started to walk all over stage and I'm glad I… am just less than 10 feet away from them… just seeing Jimin sing live, I can die happy. OH and after this was 'I NEED U', aka the one song that I love to butcher with @hweiro and @wataksampingan in the car. Their pronunciation of “I need you gurrrr” hasn't changed IRL either lol.

Rapmon’s solo really did it for me. The introduction was of him looking at a whale, and this is just my assumption: Was he looking at the loneliest whale in the world? Which he wrote Whalien 52 in the previous album? Is it an allusion to himself, because we all know his song 'Reflection’ is melancholic by nature? As the song progressed, it felt like some deep acid trip going through the ocean and the universe and finally Rapmon ends it by walking into an elevated phone booth… however hearing him repeat, “I wish I could love myself” with the concert visuals truly struck a deep chord within. I don't have a deep soul like him but I can resonate with the feeling of looking at life pass you by, you want to love yourself but it's hard as fuck.

V's “Stigma” was next, sorry my attention here died a bit so I don't remember much lol. The last two solos had me in a silent tearing mess though- J-Hope and Jin. J-Hope is SUCH a good performer, his stage charisma is great and we're treated to his childhood photos as he sang ’MAMA’. He had a long pause before finishing off the song, but in that last verse, he sang it with the intensity of his gratitude and love for his mother I just.. my eyelids were like a leaky tap okay. You can totally see the look of admiration and adoration when he looked up after the song ended. J-HOPE!!! ;____;

Jin… oh Jin. It took me so long to appreciate 'Awake’, but after watching him perform live, I see this song in a new light. He and the violinists/cellists were on individual raised platforms, while the backdrop is pretty simple. It felt like a dreamy sky, and on the front of the platforms were projected feathers. Tbh, from what I know of Jin is that he was mainly the visual, who can't really sing or dance so people were like, why is he even there? And perhaps Jin himself feels it too, being the oldest in the group. The line “Maybe I can, can never fly… I Can't fly like the flower petals over there” just struck me of that train of thought.

But to me, Jin, at that very moment you're flying- flying so high and you could touch the sky.

Feelings of inadequacy and yet wanting to keep on keeping on resonates too much within. This song really punched me in the gut and I was trying to not sniffle (and guess what my eyeliner didn't run lmao)

'Cypher 4’ was the rapper line just doing their thing and going wild, then next was FIRE. OMG I've waited so long to also see this dance in person and also sing along T_Tbbb The next couple of songs had them singing yet running all over stage and I took the opportunity to sneak some photos lol but I'm sad that Suga didn't really come to our side of the stage 🙁 Speaking of Suga, this fella is really funny... as for most of his rap lines he just held his mic up and let the audience fill it in woi wwwwww

I managed to sneak some photos of Jimin as he came over to our side of the pen during ‘LOST’- when the singer line started walking around.

Anyway, I have also been looking forward to the main dances of the night: J-Hope’s insane solo for ‘Boy Meets Evil’ and finally, ‘Blood Sweat and Tears’ in the FLESH. I love BST a lot so getting to see it live is just too much for my heart to take.. even with Wings Outro right after. Tbh I wanted to jump up and down like at a rave party with this song (and Dope/Fire) but.. no one else was doing so.. guess no one jumps at a kpop concert lmfao

I got to see everyone up close though, in particular Jimin, J-Hope, V, Jungkook and Rapmon. Damn, Rapmon gave a flying kiss to the small area of 4-5 i was squashed in and the girl in the front went BERSERK. lol Jimin also high 5’ed a very lucky person!

After a short intermission, they returned with ”There Will Be Better Days” and I was already expecting to bawl at this song because of how easy you can sing along to the lyrics (and their meaning), and fucking bawl I did! Before performing this song Rapmon was like, don't be sad, we'll walk together always in our hearts and towards better days always and damn, I'm moved. I could mainly understand whatever RM was saying cause he's the only one speaking in English haha…

Last song of the night was 'Spring Day,’ which was a fitting end to the entire concert. And with that, the Wings Tour has come to an end.

If I didn't take leap of faith in messaging a total random stranger, who is now a concert goer and new found friend, I would never experience this. People precaution one against randomly asking and buying something from online strangers but if I never spotted Fonnoi’s post on the IME thread, I would never have this experience. I've been shown so much hospitality and warmth throughout, and I'm glad we could establish that trust. I'm really thankful to her for selling the ticket at an ok price!

I guess this concert and trip alone fulfills one of my small dreams; to YOLO to another country solely for a concert and to also solo travel before I'm 30. Honestly I thought I'd never be able to do it but just slog away and slave at work- growing old and letting all my youthful dreams die as I leave behind the vestiges of youth. It might have not been to Japan for sakanaction (still a dream), but I'm infinitely grateful that I was able to watch another one of my favourite groups perform live… not to mention seeing Suga, my ultimate BTS crush and also Jimin in person.

Here’s some sneak shots I took:

Rapmon!!! He’s so charismatic.

[aliensmoocher]

SO! here’s some thoughts on ME:A now that I’ve finished it, spoiler heavy, not totally complete as I have a lot of thoughts and I can’t hope to remember them all in one sitting. 

Some things I liked about it: 

Many of the characters in your squad were likeable(which is a personal opinion and I could totally see why others would feel otherwise). (I think Drak got the most attention that actually felt worthwhile, and his story was the most enjoyable, kudos to his writer.) 

Most of the initiative leaders were also fairly likeable (this is very personal opinion based, wasn’t the biggest fan of Addison -but I don’t think you’re really supposed to like her. I don’t think you were supposed to be a fan of Tann either, but I like him in a love to hate him sort of way. It wouldn’t be the same without him.) I think the Initiative leaders were more memorable then some of the squadmates as far as dimensionality goes, but we’ll get to that later. 

I didn’t think I would like the open world they were going for since DA:I was sort of overkill with how many sidequests and places you could explore, but they handled it a lot better here in my opinion and I did enjoy the feel to it. 

Callbacks to the original series weren’t too heavy handed, but were enough to give me a smile every so often, remembering the characters from those games (I hope Liara’s voice actress was paid well lmao, and props to her for coming back to do so much voice work when her character wasn’t ever actually shown.) 

I romanced Vetra, the romance scenes with her (though there were not many, as is the way with the ME series) were pretty cute and enjoyable. 

The sibling dynamic introduced was a new spin! It’s pretty cool and I like that you can customize both siblings -even if the Dad will only really look like one of them(the player) if you design them very differently. 

The epilogue was a bit long, but much better than just ending it with the ending (because....we’ll get to that too). 

Speaking of the epilogue, as a Krogan Stan™, getting to be (one of) the proud godmother(s) of Kesh’s beautiful children is a dream come true and Ryder is living up to Jo Shepard’s expectations and she would be proud. I mean it’s not godmother and beloved savior to all little krogan babies, but it’s a start. Good job Ryder.   

Also as a Krogan stan, you know I took every god damn opportunity to stick up for the Krogan. (Not getting a pathfinder? Are you serious? The Krogan have gone through enough) 

The designs for the environments, 9/10 were beautiful and the lighting was great. 

Quarians, Drell, Hanar, Elcor, and Volus made it to Andromeda post main story, but are in distress and their pathfinder advises to not rescue. Worrisome, but at least they’re planning on bringing these species back if they make a next game. (Also, does every species get a pathfinder or just one? Given that for some reason they all seem to be on the same vessel.) 

Some things I wish weren’t in this game at all and I’m so mad about I’m not even going to bother going in depth with them: 

That queerbaiting lmao

The deadname drop, which was corrected later 

The Kill Your Gays Trope. Really? Come on now. 

The fact they didn’t even finish the visuals before releasing it. Fuck the game industry. I’m not spending another 50 hours just to see how you polished your game when you should have just done it in the first place. 

Some things I dislike (character based): 

Generally, as was typical in the previous games and something I would hope they would improve for this one, there was a limit on character interaction+dialogue. There was an obvious favoritism toward certain characters. ON THAT NOTE: 

For some reason Gil had an absurd amount of dialogue and reactions to situations but his romance is *fart noises* really short and from what I’ve heard forgettable. I really liked Gil, but some of his story was uncomfortable as in: I a gay lesbian couldn’t help convince my gay friend that he didn’t have to have a baby or that maybe it wasn’t the best time for that. Gay men having babies with their straight female friends is a nuanced issue, one that kind of needs a lot of care when you’re trying to tell the story; and honestly I don’t feel like it was given that care. It says in the character file in the codex that my Ryder “tried to convince him” but she got a line of dialogue, he said he’d do it anyway, and she said “okay! i’m happy for you then!” which is uh, not convincing anyone of anything. I don’t know, it was just, uuuuuncomfortable. 

Kallo got practically nothing toward the middle onward unless a salarian was involved. Which was a bummer, b/c I really liked Kallo and would have liked to hear....any of his opinions on....anything that was happening. Suvi practically always reacted, and thank god for her b/c if she wasn’t there to fill my life with her and Kallo’s banter I don’t think Kallo would have been heard practically at all. 

Vetra practically never had any reactions to situations. Which, considering she was a romance option and was a pretty cool chick imo , I wish she did. (Sid? is awesome and I love her. Her loyalty mission was great. But the lack of interactions was disappointing) 

Common complaint is that PB is a Liara clone. They do have similar motivations, but their personalities differ enough. PB gets more likeable as the game progresses but I didn’t like her at first. Sort of wish they introduced her ex seperately from PB so that you could actually hear both sides. It’s very obviously “PB doesn’t like her so you shouldn’t either! Oh wait, but she does care....” Which is boring. Speaking of, the loyalty mission was kind of *fart noises*. 

Jaal was momma’s favorite and you could tell. Seems very forcibly trying to get f!Ryder to date Jaal which wasn’t my steez thanks. 

Liam and Cora are both Straight and I am still amazed. Cora is fairly one dimensional. Liam is fairly one dimensional. They both have their “thing”. Out of the two I think Liam is more developed. Cora is ???A failed experiment at being progressive while cutting all possible corners to make it not progressive and I’m not sure what they were trying to do with her other than be clearly !!! SEE NOT ALL GIRLS WHO HAVE THIS HAIRCUT AND FEEL LIKE OUTCASTS AND WERE SHUNNED FROM THEIR FAMILIES AND SOCIETY ARE QUEER !!!! THEY CAN BE STRAIGHT TOO !!!! which like, yeah i guess thanks bioware

No complaints about Drak. I loved him. 

My dislike of Alec Ryder and the continuing attempt from the game to make you like and sympathize with him nearly caused me to not complete the mission focusing on his memories. The only thing that made me continue was being spoiled about the ending and wanting to make sure my Ryder was aware that her mom was alive. I didn’t like his character and no amount of in game “see, he did really love you and your brother, he cared about your mother! he sacrificed himself for you!!!!” can negate the fact that he just....didn’t raise his children or really give a fuck about them at all until it was too late!!!!!!!

Let me change Scott’s name please. 

The twin dynamic was interesting but offered nothing until the very end of the game. I got the same sort of thrill from playing as Scott during one of the final missions as when I played as Joker in the original series. (I would have preferred if Scott was saying Oh shit as much as I was given he had one grenade and 1 shotgun and I’m more of a biotics and sniper woman myself, but it’s fine). Would have liked to see the twin dynamic explored more in game or had more interactions even despite circumstances. But at least he played a part in the end. 

I constantly found myself being interested in what Kandros, Kesh, and Tann were up to -sometimes moreso than what my squad was up to. Which is a problem. I think your squadmates and the main villain should be the ones you are most interested in chatting with. But there is just a lot more appeal to me in the shady politics and in fighting between the 4 of the initiative leaders that was just always more interesting to me. (I didn’t play the dlc with the other Kandros and just found out they were related so that’s a sweet little shout out and something I do like) 

The archon had a bad face design homeslice. It’s just bad Jim.

The Archon felt so detached from everything that happened in the game to me. It never felt like -despite being the main antagonist -that i was fighting him. With the reapers, with Saren, it always felt like you were fighting someone specific. That through all the taking down of this foe or that one, the person in control WAS The Reapers (or...or Saren I guess in the first game despite the fact he wasn’t -but he was being controlled- whatever it’s....) Compared to trying to make the planets liveable for the people who risked their livings going to Andromeda as well as creating relations with the Angara : The archon felt like such an afterthought. Not in writing or development -but in the context of Ryder’s problems. The kett? Totally an issue! Absolutely a problem! But they’re still going to be a problem even without the Archon, that’s clear from the ending. Bring me the real leader of the kett -I don’t have time to deal with your shenanigans sir. -No I mean the REAL leader, the one back home, the one who’s clearly actually in charge. The Archon here struck me as just a leader of this fleet of Kett. Not an actual leader of the species. But one that had to be respected b/c of his title here in this area of the universe. 

tl:dr for the last part: Archon sucked as a villain and his death made me feel nothing. Saren’s death had me crying I felt so bad I couldn’t help save him from the Reapers. The reapers destruction made me feel victorious even if it was a hollow victory given the -hmmmmmm uh....- “ending” of Mass Effect 3. Give me something to feel toward the defeat of a or THE major villain, Andomeda, PLEASE. 

Some more dislike things: 

The ending was okay. As I said above. I didn’t feel anything toward the death of the villain. Which is,, an issue for me. When I was playing the mission, sometimes the activation of certian things in the gameplay just didn’t activate properly -glitches basically. Which was rough considering it was supposed to be a high stakes moment. 

If you’re going to do a fade to black sex scene for some of the characters, do it for all the characters. Blue ball all of us or none of us.

 The Angara designs are Uggo (unless it’s a female angara in a certain color, for some reason color makes a world of difference for this species. Jaal’s okay I guess but uh..nah... if he’s ur type that’s fine but NO THANKS)

The Kett designs are Uggo 

Nothing wrong with uggo alien designs- I, in fact, encourage them, but they didn’t go far enough to ugly town and not far enough to pleasant town so they’re just uncanny valley ugly and I’d appreciate if they would make up their mind which one they wanted thanks. 

Kept expecting a Kett squad member ala Legion being a Geth squad member. Another game maybe. 

The creaure designs are cool -but I’ve heard they recycled a lot from DAI which is a bummer and I didn’t notice. Given that in Credits it had stuff from the DAI time, I guess that’s true. 

[warlordess]

geekchicshipping - 65 :)

Hey, anon, here’s this thing! Just like always, my brain blanks out on whatever a drabble is and just goes to town on plot. These things end up getting progressively long because of it. Lmao.

I would also like to add that this was inspired loosely by an old pro-GeekChic commentary that @taillow-suift wrote back in the day. Maybe not loosely. The point is that, when I really got knee-deep in writing it, I couldn’t help thinking about how much more concern for Serena Clemont showed, how much more it might have meant, and how Ash’s positivity would have given Clemont the ability to have more faith even though he’s still as worried and wary for her as he ever was.

OoO

GeekChicshipping: “I wish youcould see yourself the way I see you.”

This wasn’t how she’d imaginedthings transpiring for her after she left Ash behind in Kalos almosttwo years prior.

Serena sighed and accepted the mug ofhot tea Clemont offered her with a weak smile, sipping at itcautiously while he took a seat across from her with his own beveragein hand.

“So how’s your mom doing? I’mguessing you went to visit her first once you finished out the mostrecent Kalos Queen circuit.”

“Oh… She’s alright. She’sreally proud of me for how far I’ve gone to try and achieve mydream of being the showcase queen, or so she says. To travel out ofthe region just to find some references or inspiration for my nexttime around…” the honey-haired performer faltered and sighed,placing her mug on the proffered coaster that had been slid in frontof her by her host, hmming to herself as if to voice that shewasn’t sure it was worth finishing her statement.

“Serena? Something wrong?” Clemontproved softly, clear blue eyes peering into hers.

“Well, you… probably watched howthings panned out from here in Lumiose City, right?”

“Uh…”

The teenage gym leader’s halfheartedresponse dispersed into the air as if it were a frigid breath on abrisk wintry morning. Unfortunately, beyond that failed attempt atconsideration and comfort, he found himself at a loss for words.

“I still couldn’t compare to Aria,even after all that time I spent away from Kalos, studying to surpassher. I feel like such a disappointment. I don’t know what Palermocould possibly have seen in me.”

“Oh, Serena, you can’t reallyfeel that way, can you? You’ve come a long ways from that girlwho wasn’t even willing to consider finding herself a serious goal.That’s what Palermo must have seen in you. That’s what youdecided to see in yourself, wasn’t it…? Especially… especiallyafter you lost that first showcase.

[read more]

Serena’s face drooped so low that hecouldn’t clearly make out her expression but something told him hehadn’t gotten through to her yet.

“And… that’s the thing aboutserious goals, isn’t it?” he continued valiantly onward, “They’renot something that’s likely to be accomplished all that quickly. Imean, I know I still have a long way to go myself, and Bonnie onlyjust received her trainer’s license. She hasn’t even lefthome yet.” Feeling he was on quite the roll, Clemont kept stridewith the point he was trying to make. “You can’t sell yourselfshort just because it takes more than one or two tries to accomplishyour life’s dream. I mean, heck, even Ash has been trying tobecome a Pokemon Master for far longer than we’ve known him, hasn’the…?”

But as soon as he said the name, Serenaflinched. And Clemont suddenly knew that this wave of crippling doubtshe was going through had much less to do with what her supposedmentor thought of her and far more to do with someone else entirely.

“Serena, you know Ash has completefaith that you’ll eventually accomplish anything you set out todo,” the Kalos gym trainer coaxed her in reminder. “Um, sorry,”he amended in afterthought, assuming he’d made a wrong choice inwords.

“Eventually…” the honey-hairedperformer murmured, unconsciously gritting her teeth and clenchingher hands in her lap, “Eventually is… too far away!” she heavedfinally, brows knitted, adding a touch of obvious frustration to heralready obviously dark expression.

“Um, how so…?” her host askedawkwardly.

For Clemont was completely unaware ofthe cycle of memories furiously spinning inside her head, of Ash’sspecial smiles and special words, of his `take your time`’sand `don’t worry`’s and `it’s not over until it’sover`’s, of his considerate touches on her shoulder, his manycontributions to her self-confidence and his gifts (not alwaysphysical in nature), of his all-inspiring aura. Clemont wasnone-the-wiser to how, even as Serena’s body sat across from him onthe couch, that her heart traveled a thousand miles away at a millionbeats per second to a somewhat familiar scene at an airport where ayounger, flightier version of her had wanted to somehow give Ash atoken of sorts to represent her gratitude, even as she made a silentpromise that dedicated herself even more-so to everything he’dgiven her since they started traveling together.

“… rena…”

You are my goal.

“… rena…?”

I promise that, next time we meet,I’ll become…

“Serena?”

… an even more attractive woman!

“I… Sorry, Clemont, what were yousaying?” she asked him with a suddenly lighthearted smile. It wasas if she’d somehow rebooted her mood.

“You said,” Clemont began despitehis guest’s fragile disposition, “that eventually was too faraway. I’d asked you why that is.”

“O - oh… it’s just…” And,unsure if it was the right call or not, Serena disclosed the secretshe’d been carrying with her since the last time the two of themwere in close quarters together, “it’s just that… I’d toldmyself… I’d thought that the next time I took part in the KalosQueen circuit - well, maybe it’s not just about that… I guesssome part of me was… using that dream to… continue improving uponmyself… to become more like Ash.”

“More like Ash…?” Clemontrepeated with a hint of a confused smile.

“Well, um… because of what he didfor me - the both of us really. I want to be like him. I want to be,”and the honey-haired performer gulped as she did her best to finishher next line, “with him.”

“With…”

Clemont didn’t even attempt to finishparroting her statement this time, didn’t feel he had it in him,even as a minuscule piece of his own heart splintered within, a piecehe hadn’t originally been entirely conscious of.

You are my goal, her youngerself said a second time inside her head, and Serena remember howunbridled courage had bloomed within her as she’d raced back up theescalator to leave her mark on Ash, to prove to the world just howfar she’d come.

“You know, though, Serena… Ash hasalways believed the best of you… of any of his friends. Iremember even from the beginning, he used to always tout words ofsupport and praise about basically anything you did. It was like hejust couldn’t help but have absolute faith in you o - or anyone!”Clemont told her, hiding his bittersweet smile behind a well-placedchuckle, “It was almost like he couldn’t help himself.

“Next to him, I suppose… my will…my belief that you could so easily shine, improve yourself, dowhatever you set your mind on, or else try again effortlessly withoutmuch impact on your self-esteem… Ah, anyway, I suppose my flimsylevel of faith in you must seem pretty weak next to someone likethat. I even remember Ash having to tell me a few different timesthat you’d be okay, and there was really no point in being worriedat all.

“But I would worry about you,” hewent on before she could interrupt, perhaps in order to admonish himover his latest confession.

“I worried about you a lot back then.I suppose, even nowadays, I still fall back into those old habits. Ithink it’s because I… viewed us as similar back then. I mean,like you said, Ash gave us both a good boost in confidence, agood sense of self. So, as someone else who relied on him, I guess Ifelt more sensitive to your struggles when you appeared to be goingthrough them. I tried to keep a closer eye on you then, and yeah, itfelt like all I could do was worry and wait for Ash to magicallyalleviate both of our concerns.”

Serena sat in stark silence across fromClemont, unable to find it in her to interrupt his speech. Herheartbeat was increasing dramatically against her will and sherefused to try and guess why, unconsciously reminding herself thatAsh wasn’t the only reason that had ever happened to her before.No, the heat of battle and wrath of rivalry and excitement ofcompetition had often instigated such a reaction from her too.

Yet, somehow, right now… Clemont wasno reminiscent of those alternatives, even as he brought them up toserve in his opinion of her.

“But now, after all that timewatching you grow, all those days a - and weeks being concerned,wondering what I could say, wishing you through your moments of doubtor weakness… I can finally, undoubtedly, tell you that you’remuch stronger than you used to be. And maybe a bit impatient too,”he added with an accompanying chuckle that sole her breath from her,but if he noticed it then he didn’t let on, “You can handle youraverage setbacks and you’re mature enough to power through. As faras your skills as a performer go, you’re right, I did watchthe live broadcast from home, and I could tell right away how muchyou’d learned in Hoenn, how much straighter, prouder, smarter youcarry yourself now.

“You’re going to make an amazing -the best - Kalos Queen one day soon, Serena. That’s how Isee things anyway. I just wish you could see yourself the way I seeyou.”

There it was. Speech complete. Serena’sheart thudded madly away inside her chest, her face feeling rosy in away she hadn’t experienced in almost two years… not since she andAsh had gone their separate ways. Only, for the first time ever, theboy dominating her thoughts was not the same one from her pastfantasies. No, at this very moment, she couldn’t help seeingClemont in a completely different light than she had before.

Clemont, who’d struggled simplybecause she had too.

Clemont, who’d openly admitted tolacking confidence in her abilities from way back when.

Clemont, who’d thought very little ofhimself until Ash’s undying confidence had come to sway his naturalpessimistic reactions, same as her.

Clemont, who’d grown just like shehad after so much exposure to Ash’s light, and was not the sameperson he had been before.

And her response came tumbling from hermouth with abandon, a response she hadn’t known could come intoexistence without Ash there to incite it.

“I do,” she responded firmly with agrateful smile, “See myself that way, I mean. Thanks, Clemont.Somehow that was exactly what I needed to hear. And also, I see youthat way too. I guess it’s kind of hard not to acknowledgehow strong you’ve gotten after learning you could say things likethat!”

The two smiled innocently at eachother, their beverages admittedly long forgotten, before moving on tomuch easier-going topics.

What they didn’t realize was thattheir previous conversation had gained itself an unintended audiencetowards the end, an audience who was was not going to let herbig bro off the hook this time around until he’d acquired himself acertain honey-haired girlfriend.

OoO

It’s literally impossible to write a Serena narrative without alluding to her feelings for Ash. They are literally so ingrained in everything about her that she would be incomplete without a single reference to them. But I did my best to favor Clemont in her eyes just as much by the end.

Also, I know a couple different interpretations of Serena’s line about her real goal have been brought up/analyzed. I tried to play it neutral by including both of the main ones I’d heard about. That is, one is the obvious based on the translation - her real goal is Ash, to be with him, and anything else she’s accomplished/she will accomplish is a means to her end with him. The other was that Ash was an ideal to her, he was a goal in that he embodied the confidence and heart she wished to exude, which was probably why she chose a dream that catered so much to an audience appeal; the Kalos Queen. Because there’s debate on how the second quote doesn’t quite fit the mood of Serena’s final scene with Ash (in the sense that the scene is still presented as romantic even though we’re supposed to not take the quote that way for some reason), like I said, I just bundled all of it up together. Hopefully it still made sense.